Leave A Message with Ally & G - Are You A Relationship Hopper? We've Caught You Out!

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Ally & G are onto you... own up! The gallies are calling you out this week (even producer Rehana is coming for you). On this episode of Leave A Message, we check in on the mental wellbeing of Ally's nail technician, we petition to get you a 2/3 working week, and confront a gally on being a bit... well... out of pocket. Oopsy! We're also learning boundaries with family and friends and putting a stop to those thoughtless comments that may come your way. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details).   NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener.   Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Make the most of it at Best Western. Book direct and save at bestwestern.com. I need to tell you. Please do. Kim Woodburn died this morning. I know. 82, after a short illness, it was short. What does that mean?

It means she, like, fully got the flu and died or something. Like, that's what happens in old age. Oh, it really just worries me. I like Kim. 82, 83 is young. I know, but it's not. If you look at the average age of especially a man in the UK to die,

I think it's like 79. 79? Yeah, I think it is. Rahana, please make a fact-check that, but I might have made that up. I think it's, because I remember looking for my dad and being like, babe, you passed it.

Legend. Wait, how old is he going to be this year? When's his birthday, sorry? He's going to be 82 this year in November. He's 79. He's a sad. He's a sad. He's a serge?

Yeah, my dad's a sage. He's going to be 82. Yes, 82 in November. He's just making him. it. Yeah. Well, he's three years past the average age of death in the UK. It's wild. It's 82. Yes, women is older. I still think that's young. I really, I know that that's the average, but like mentally I think that's young. In my head, I think that's quite young. I think from, like, relatives I've had, I think once you hit 80, you look older.

My, you feel older. My grandma, my Asian grandma, my Chinese grandma, she could be 65. Yeah. She's 84. They're different out there. it's the heat, it's the food. Apparently it's sitting on the floor. I told you about this. It is. Because my mum watched this documentary about, like, I can't remember what the doc was called,

but it's about why certain cultures live longer than others. And apparently the main thing they found in Asian cultures was because they were constantly having to get up from the floor. And it's really good for you. That's such a simple fix, guys. Take the chairs away. I know. I know. Just sit on the floor.

Well, poor Kim, because you know what, I know she was in a quiet taste, but I liked her. Well, I... She was, wasn't she? She was sassy. God bless. What I liked about her is that she was unashamedly herself. And she was very good in Big Brother.

Yeah. Very good. Very entertaining. Yeah. They don't make entertaining people in reality TV like that anymore. You know, Amber Rose Gill made this video, was doing a TikTok last night, that basically said the reason that reality TV sucks these days is because everyone takes offence to everything.

And apparently someone said on Love Island last night, oh, you're way too glamorous for a nine to five. everyone was like, that is so rude, how could you ever, how dare you say that? And I'm always like, what is wrong with what she's just said? Also, the problem is, it's like, not only do you have the audience that responds in that way, but you also then have the people that are going on aware of how audiences can respond. Yeah, so they're like, like, hyper. Yeah, yeah.

Everyone's nervous to speak. I mean, we even have it. Yeah. Heavy on the cuts, Richard. Yeah. Because you've got to be so careful of like, when you're on Love Island, you're there for 24 hours a day. and you're not in control of any of the edit. So, like...

Sorry. You're okay. That's the difference with Love Island, actually, even more than, like, us. Yes, is that you're not control. And out of context, things you say... Also, I don't want to throw anyone under the bus. But listen, things like that, make a good headline.

I know. So you just got to watch yourself. You're too glamorous for a lot. And let me just really try and write my brain the, like, you know, feminist. What's the problem? because you can be glamorous for a nine to five. You can be glamorous and have a job?

Is that the... You're too glamorous for a nine to five. I don't really understand it. But I also don't watch the season. I think that the girl had said like, oh yeah, I do whatever she did, let's say accounting. And someone had said to her, wow, really, you're way too... Maybe it's like derogatory like, oh, you're way too glamorous for a nine to five. As in like...

Like, people wouldn't take you seriously. Yes. It's how I would guess it could be taken. But if someone said that to me, I'd be like, yeah, I am. I know, that's why I'm here. Yeah. And also, all, you'd just be like, I can glow up for my nine to five. Don't worry.

I can look good doing accounting. Can I not? That was like Leanne from the Traitors. I thought, get it, girl. Oh, I loved that from her. Army sisters are doing it for themselves. Yes. Also, the fact that she, like, never really told anyone that she was gay

and that she was in the military and, like, she just was like pretending to be a nail tech. Love. I love her. But, yeah, it's wild. Leanne from Traitors, guys, just a bit of goss for you. It's at everything. Yeah. That woman does not say no to an invite.

Yeah. She is every event. we're ever at, it's brilliant. She's riding that wave. And Freddie. They're really working overtime. Freddy's just graduated knots. Congratulations, Freddy from Traitors. Really good. Sorry, I was looking at his stories and I was thinking about going home from uni.

Did you see a story in the car? Like, your car is full to the room. I remember driving home and always thinking I'm going to get stopped by the police. Sorry, I still have that now. Every time me and halls move flat, we're moving flat. At the moment, the rate we're moving flats is not right once a year. Either not going to, I think we're going to try desperately to stay. I'm going to say, what about the Emma bed, whatever it's called?

The number matra. Emma mattress, God, God, how will you move your bed and everything? Yeah, it's a nightmare now. How was that took us? Now it's a nightmare. Yeah, okay. Because now it's like a full removal van, but we've always done it like between all of our cars. Like my car, Holly's dad's car.

Like we did a van once, but like mainly I will fill my car to the brim. You're not getting a bed in that car, sis. I'm not getting anything in that car. I just can't move. Basically, I think. Also, I just think I'm too old. I'm actually too old to be moving once a year. Also, babe, you like, do love that flat.

Yes, I do. I really don't want them to put the rent up. That would irk me. Why don't you write them a strongly worded letter? I say, listen, there's mould in the corner. Do you know what I mean? Let me off. I'll tell you what I'll allow them.

Extra hundy a month. That's it. Okay, okay. I will pay an extra £50 a month for the pleasure of not having to move. Yeah, okay, fair. I'm not. Fair. I'm simply not because it's ludicrous. The house prices in London. Yeah? Do you know, PIN was telling me the other day, so she, we were lolling because I said to Pee Pee Pee Pee, we call you Pee Pee, she was like, who's Pee Pee Pee's got no clue? I was like, sis, Pee's had some pretty peeping stories on the park.

And PIN was like, yeah, she calls us PIN and Pee-P, that is too good. Anyway, PIN was saying she wants to move. But where's PIN at the moment? She's like a bit parallel to you actually. And she wants to move, like she wants to stay in the area. She's so funny, because I think she works in the city. And so at the moment, obviously, she can go straight from Clapham Junction to Victoria and then get straight on the Victoria line to wherever she needs to go. Yes.

Oh, no, sorry, can you get the... Waterloo. Waterloo. Thank you. She goes to Waterloo. Then she gets the Waterloo and City line. It's very easy. It's easy.

Anyway, she was making... She was like, I've been talking about this new job, but it's in Green Park. And the problem is, if I get a new job in Green Park, how am I going to get to work? No, she was like, if I'm... move. Oh yes. How will I move? Northern line to Green Park's not good.

I can't get a new job. It's not good. No, it is. Stockwell. Listen, I think she can do it. I said so too, but she was so funny. She was like, if I get a new job, I just, I can't move. No, but this is the thing. You actually forget how, like... And I was like, sis, are you going to be in this job for the next 20 years?

Just because you can't have to... No, but the thing is you do get this, like, panic. I know. I've had it. Every time I've moved, I've been like, but the commute. Well, especially... You have to get used to a new commute. Especially if you commute.

Like, she goes in five days a week So it's like it is Does she? Yeah, she does. Guys, any galleys listening out there that are going in five days a week, I salute you. Because I genuinely believe

it should be illegal to even have a three-two split. I've got nothing but respect. It should be three-three. It should be two-three. Two days in, three days out. That's the only thing that should be allowed. And do you know what it really should be?

Joe Wicks H-Q four days a week. In the, at home. He does four days a week, four-day working week. Oh. Oh, yeah. So Joe Wicks, HQ, you would never work a Friday. Ever. Really?

Yes. I don't know how often you have to be in the office. I'll have to do some research on that. But I do know that they don't work a Friday. As they should, to be honest. Because, OBS. Who decided? Who decided?

There was another company that does. There's quite a few. And quite a few, like, trialed it for a while after COVID, I think. And they found no difference to the productivity. It was actually in some spaces higher. Because you're like, got to get my work done. Yeah. You're not kicking any cans down the line

because you want all your work done by Friday because Friday's your day off. Yeah. And then everyone could have like a bit of a like mental health day. Do your hobbies. Oh, it's doing your errands day is what Friday's for. Because you don't want to do that on a Saturday and Sunday. I always think that about all the girls at the post office on a Saturday.

I think I'm so sorry that you're here on your Saturday that you've had to give up. WFH does give you a bit of freedom on that because you can go. Not if you're in five days a week, sis. Not if you're in five days a week. Sorry, she was telling me that she's, so she's, She's looking to move, but she was like, the houses, apparently summer in summer houses sell like that because the light's really good. She was like, you have to call each estate agent and to be asked to put on the call list

so that you can be notified of properties before they, houses, many, most of the good ones go before they even get to right things. The only way, and it's annoying, listen, no hate to estate agents, but the only way to get a new flat when you're renting is to have an estate agent as if they're like yours and you're on the blower with them. Every day. Basically, you have to find one you like and then you have to ring the estate agent

and say, this is what I like, and then they will tell you, I never found anything on right move. Then they tell you, we saw our flat the same day and put an offer in. Like, it went up that day, we saw it that afternoon and then we put an offer in.

Wild. That's crazy. Wild. And you have to panic by sometimes. I know. I know. Like, you're a bit like, oh my God, do I like this?

Also, especially, like, if you're actually buying a house. Imagine panic, buying a house. Sorry. I haven't got the nerve to buy a house. I always think this about buying a house. You just go there for 20 minutes and then you spend all that money. I find it madness. No, no, babe. People with, like when they buy proper family homes, you do a few visits.

Babe, you don't even sleep there. No, you don't sleep there. It's weird. We did have it once. When I was nannying, when I was nannying in Kings Langley, they were selling their house. And they were both at work. So I had to do the viewing. And it was the viewing of a second, it was their second viewing.

And they wanted, they like had requested that it was like lived in so that like the kids were there and like I was obviously there and like I was cooking dinner and like they brought their kids and they like played for a bit in the garden and like they like requested that it was like alive. Do you know what I mean? Like toys were left out and like they wanted to see it as like a home which I was like that's kind of genius. I was once in this witch shop. Witches on the Kings Road. I think I've told you this before and this guy very. Oh, yeah, the ju-jou in his house? What was it? His mum? His dad-mom? He said that, yes, it was his dead mom. Oh, my God, you got amazing memory.

He had inherited the house from his mum, and he had obviously decided to move in, and he came, he was, like, so sullen and sunken. And he said to the lady, he said this. I'm sorry, just a little segue. Al's obsessed with the mental health of our nail technician. She keeps saying it every time. She speaks about our nail tech.

She's like, she's just so sullen. I want her to pick up the phone, and I want to say, sis, blink twice. to say, I'll give you a code word and when I come in, just tap me three times on my hand and I'll get you out, yeah? I'd be depressed if I was doing nails in there every day. No, me too, but I'm like, babe,

we can give you a life, we can give you a way out. What life are you going to give her? Come over and do all our three nails in one go, you can have a coffee, you can watch TV, sis. Okay, yeah, fine. Let her live differently. Let her live differently. Fine.

Even if it's once every two weeks, we can give you a glimpse of the good stuff, babe. We can crack a window, imagine. You might not even have to wear your face. Face mask. Margin. Sorry, carry on about the son-consular mom. No, sorry, he came in and he said to the woman behind the desk.

He said, to the witch. To the witch. Address her how she should be addressed. Sorry, to the witch. To the great master witch. He said, my mum, I can't sleep in this new house. My mum's spirit is in there. He said it's dark energy.

Everywhere I turn is dark energy. Why was she so dark? I know. Maybe she was murdered. Murdered? I don't know. I often think if you were killed in your home, There must be some lingering...

I wouldn't have moved into the home, to be honest with you, but I would never move into my mum's... Like, I would never... I might. Full-time live there. It'd be weird. I'm so sad that when my nan died, I wasn't rich. I'd have bought her house.

I loved her house. But you wouldn't have lived there full time, is what I'm saying. Would you? Well, no, because I wouldn't have lived in Cheltenham. But if I could have picked it up and put it on Clapham Common, I'd have lived there with my good nan. Yeah. When you've got love for them, it's nice that they're there.

No, I know, I just think it's a bit weird. Maybe they had a taut relationship. I think it's strange. Not sexy time. Sexy time. Well, they're not there. No, but imagine like, you know, even if you change the bed, you'd be like, this is where, that is weird. No, fair, fair.

You wouldn't, you are, yeah, living in their bedroom might be difficult. When do they clock in now? Yeah, when do the dead sleep? No, the dead don't sleep. Honestly, I would be watching. My mum has this friend and they live in this house that is like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years old. It was like passed down three generations. And this woman, she says that she doesn't sleep

and she, like, really has bad insomnia. And she will go down, it's like very famously a witch and a ghost in their house. And often she would go down to the middle. This is no joke. She would go down in the middle of the night to make a cup of tea and she would just see the ghost walking. And it's so bad.

That is a power though to be able to see ghosts, I think. That she had to have a kitchen built upstairs because she was like, I cannot go down in the middle of the night. They have, she now has a kitchen on the side of her room so that she can make tea in the middle of the night. She's got to have some kind of extraterrestrial power though, because how are you seeing ghosts? I'm desperate to see a ghost.

Nah, babe, I don't know. I'm desperate. Once. I'm not desperate at all. I think I'd like to see it just to see it. I've told you this story a million times, haven't I, about Pemoney Mon Porison, who congratulations got engaged, love you. But we were in Bali and we were staying, I wasn't even staying with them, I was staying in a

separate place, but she literally was like asleep in her bed. Her boyfriend at the time was next to her, and she said she woke up, and there was someone at the end of the bed, and she thought it was her sister. Patial. It was not Patial. She turned on the light. She was like, Paige, what are you doing? Gone. Figure gone. Barley Ghost. I really rate it. I hope Kim Woodburn doesn't haunt anyone. Speaking of Kim, I feel like she could be... The Galley's name. I think you're right because RIP Kim.

RIP Kim. And lots of love to all of her family. Welcome to leave a message. This is actually not a podcast about the dead. Or ghosts, but I will continue to think about that forever. Ghosts. I love it. And spirits. me too. I want to see one. How do I go and see one? I'm going to go to a... Can I tell you, apparently, though, spirits, a tarot reader? Nope. Oh, a medium. I'm going to go and see a medium. I've seen a medium.

No, but you need to have a ghost medium. They have specialised. They need to have one that brings them in. Yeah. Like a catwalk of ghost. But you know, I want to see them. Apparently, according to the mediums that I've, you know, listen to. Spirits are different to ghosts and ghosts are trapped. Yes. That's why their bodily form is still here because they're trapped. They're stuck in between. How sad? So horrible life to live as a ghost. For eternity you're trapped. No, too much. Um, sorry, hi. Hi. Hi. Welcome to leave a message. That's it really. That's it really. This week we're going to call the galleys Kim for our good old Kim Woodburn, who died at the age of 82.

We will have our first voice note now. Thank you so much, Rahana. That's brilliant. Hi, Gallys. I absolutely love the podcast. It is my fave. It's honestly the best one out there. I just wanted to send a quick voice message on my situation

to basically decipher whether I'm the A-hole or whether it's just bitchy around. Basically, I'm 17, my sister. is 25 and she still looks at home with us because she's just like finding her feet and just you know deciding what she wants to do all of that jazz basically i'm on the biggest side she's like the smaller side she's the big for like a little bit but then she went back to the smaller side all fine all good so far but my problem is when she makes little comments and i can't tell whether it's me just having really low self-esteem or whether the comments are just bitching

themselves. For example, let's say she wants to get something from my wardrobe or like borrow something. She'll basically wear it and then she'll be like, this is huge, this is massive on me. And I'm kind of just there like, okay. Another example is I wore something. She thought it looked really nice. And then she then proceeded to say, oh, if I wore that, it would be like a dress on me, but it looks really good on you. And little things like. that, I can't tell whether it's just me taking offence because I have really no self-esteem and my feelings get hurt easily, or whether it's just her being just kind of nasty and a little bit mean. Now, like, she is honestly like my biggest supporter. However, just little things like that

does just make my feelings happen, you know? And I can't tell whether, again, it's just her being a bitch or whether I'm just taking it too sensitive. So, yeah, let me know if somebody said stuff like that to you, would you be offended or is it just more of like a, no? I wouldn't worry about it. Thank you. Oh, babe, I really feel this quite. Well, you're talking to the right.

In my soul, especially at the moment. Oh, my God. Wow. it's so hard because actually it's not hard listen it's when you have your own intrusive thoughts of course you're probably more sensitive to the comments of other people and I literally think that this is huge thing kills me I've had that so many times where someone will be like I've said that by the way I just want to let everyone know that that's why this is relevant because I pulled did I pull you up on it straight away?

Yeah, no, you let it go a couple of times. Did I? And then you said. Let it slide. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because also sometimes it doesn't touch the surface. Like, baby, there will be times where you, your self-esteem is higher and those things don't

penetrate so deeply. And you can know that, like, you could speak on that, but I don't think it's from a place of It's, I literally, even thinking of me. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's literally, I wouldn't have even considered that that would be, because they're not my triggers, so I don't, I wouldn't know. It's just a kind of thoughtless. comment and you think it's really obvious when you're the one that is going to be affected by

that comment. You think that's such an obvious thing to have clocked. But I don't know that people do. That's what I was going to say about the older sisters. I don't think she's being mean. I really don't think she's being nasty. Because I, like, I, on a thoughtless day, I could I could still do it, do I mean? Like, it's easy to slip back there. Yeah. Especially if you haven't even, like, like, said anything and flagged it. You have to, babe. It's, it's, it's her stuff and it's your stuff. Basically, you have to know that it's okay that you're triggered by those things. And because that's your sister, you can articulate that to her. You can say, babe, when you come into my wardrobe and you like, you kind of label my clothes with words that attach to me, I don't love it and it

doesn't make me feel good. And she might be like, oh my God, I didn't even think. And then she'll stop. I do think potentially there might be an element as well. Like you were saying that maybe she'd like recently lost a bit of weight, there might be a bit of, like, rhetoric coming out of her that is kind of being aimed at you, but might be her own stuff as well. Like, she might be verbalising some of the thoughts that she was having about herself, maybe, when she was bigger. And you have to kind of just let that flow over you. That's her stuff. And it's really difficult, because I have it. Like, I'm actually having it at the moment. I'm in a really, like, my body image is really bad. My self-esteem is really low and I know when I'm in that headspace, I'm way more sensitive.

Well, it's just like the triggers are easily. Yeah. Oh my God. Like tiny things that normally wouldn't touch the surface, I feel. So I think it's like when it's like really good friends or family, it's actually just articulating that. And if they like care about you and love you, like that's when it would be nasty. If you then articulated that to her and she kept going. Get over it. Yeah. And kept saying those things. Yeah. That's not nice, that's not kind. But if you haven't said anything, she's not going to know how deeply that's going to affect you.

No way. Which I understand, babe, it feels obvious, but it's not for people that have never had those thoughts and have never had those words thrown at them or, like, seen themselves as not good enough or not, you know, small enough or whatever, like, whatever you're struggling with, if someone has never had those gripes, they're not going to know.

They're just not. I can't remember how I said it to you. I was just trying to think of that. This is a thing. With some people I would let it slide and I wouldn't bother, but with Al she's in my every day. I can't have you making thoughtless comments like that

and me just like getting like smaller and sort of like, do you know what I mean? And like getting like unbelievably triggered and it becoming like really loud in my head and like I know that you would appreciate that and I know that I would do exactly the same for you if there was anything that I ever did that made you feel that way.

Do you know what I mean? I can't remember what you said. I can't remember either. We were in a shop. I remember. We were in weekday. I just can't. I can't remember what you said.

Were we? Yeah, because I remember I picked up a pair of shorts. And I think I said something like, oh, they look massive. Yeah. I can't remember it. And then I can't remember what you said. I think, yeah. And I think maybe was I going to try the shorts?

And then they like are tight on my thighs. And you've just said they're massive or something like that. As in post you're saying that. I think that's what my, I think I might have almost preempted in that moment. I think you'd said like, oh no, I think you were even saying it in a way that's like, oh, no, babe, they'll fit. They look massive. and me knowing like my body and the size of them,

I was like, they don't say that because if they don't fit me, that's horrible. Or like, something like that. Or like, do you mean I'm massive? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because that's my size. Yeah.

Which obviously I don't. I just want to set the records straight. It happens all the time and like I've had it like growing up. Like even like thoughtless things like, I remember when I was like 15, 16, like getting ready with the girls for a night out and like I couldn't share any clothes. I couldn't try on their jeans. I couldn't like.

and like if they would then comment on their bodies or on the way the genes fit and I knew that I'd be lucky to get a toe in a leg I'd be like, that's horrible. They're not thinking about you in that moment. They're thinking about themselves. They're thinking about like the actual reality of the situation where the genes are too big for them.

They're not thinking about you. But it's really hard to sit in your own mind where you already beat yourself up for stuff like that. So I don't think like I would also be triggered by my bigger sister speaking like that. you're not in the wrong, I just don't think she's being a bitch. No, I don't either.

I think she's being thoughtless. I think she is. You think she is? Yeah, this is all really healthy and elevated. Great. No, because I, as someone who is in the sister's position, unless she's an actual nasty bitch, do you know what I mean?

Like, I think that it's also, especially the comments that they're not directed at you, they are secondary comments, like about a piece of clothing being massive. I hear what you mean. It would be different if she sat there and said, you're fat bitch, you know what I mean? Like, no one's going to do that.

Or like if she said, God, those jeans are tiny on me, but they'd fit. What does she say, sorry? Oh, this top is too big. Oh, yeah, you wear that top. That's a dress on me or something. I worry that part of it is like, but don't get me wrong, by default, the comments are bitchy. Yeah. And they're not nice.

And I worry that it's to do with her own body image. Projection. I think it's projection. I think especially because that does happen. Like, I've had periods of time where like I've, lost weight and mentally I thought that would be a really good thing for me and it hasn't been because it's made me fearful of being back in a body where these problems exist but actually like you have to come to terms with those problems because your body ebbs and flows and if she's in

that kind of like elevated space of like I've lost weight and it's made her a bit smart she's putting you down to make herself feel better and I do think that happens sometimes because she's not necessarily putting you down, she's putting her old self down. She's being hard on herself via you, which isn't fair. I think all of this is solvable by sitting down with her and being like, especially if she's your sister, do you know what I mean? Like, you say it, how you mean it. Do you know how it comes across?

Because I'm sure she'd be mortified. Like, she's a 25-year-old woman, she's making her 17-year-old sister feel insecure. I agree. That's not right. Do you know what I mean? So just say that, do you want to play her this? I'm so sorry, can I just say, as an older sister, even if she thinks one way about you have to really be mean like actually mean for them to come out of your mouth repeatedly in that way and like I don't know I just think like listen I'm an older sister and I understand

that sisters fight and make up and hate and love each other all in one one hour but there is a difference between like making flip and comments and like going out of your way to make them feel small and I just don't think that unless she's a bad sister I don't I don't know I just don't think that it's coming from like an intentionally really malicious place I think it's just thoughtless. And if it is, as Rahana says, and when you do confront her, she's like, get over it, I believe everything I said, then that's a whole different thing. Yeah, that's different. Then you need to like fully ice her. Sorry, you need to be like, you've got to move out, your 25, get out of here, because you're not making my home a safe space.

He's got to move on because you can't. And it's in your everyday, like, babe, I know the battle you're probably going through in your own head. So then having like external factors that trigger you nonstop. It's really hard. And if like she doesn't like love and respect you enough to help with that, then that is a problem. Give us an update. Give us an update. Yeah, let us know. Good luck, let us know what she says. And if not, send her our way. We'll have some chats with her. Autumn is here and with it comes cooler nights, heartier meals and the craving for something warm and satisfying. That's where HelloFresh comes in, bringing you comforting chef-designed recipes and fresh seasonal ingredients right to your door. This season, they've taken things to the next level

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for future events subject to availability and vary by race. Turns and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca.ca. slash Yanex. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message, if you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode

description. Now this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics, but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this and get voice-noting. Your number two? Hi girls. I just want to say

I love the podcast so much as a girl who is newly single in her early 20s and trying to navigate life. You guys really get me through it. I listen to you guys every night before bed and you really just help me take a minute and fucking breathe and have a giggle. I need a little bit of advice.

So I came out of a difficult relationship in October last year. I've been with this guy for three years and just before him I'd been in another relationship with a different boyfriend for three years and prior to this have kind of always been in relationships

when I broke up with this guy it was all good, you know, single vibe, self-growth, all in that and then I slept with a guy for the first time and I went travelling and I could not stop thinking about this guy inevitably he ghosted me

as they always do When I came back from travelling, I started seeing another guy. And when I'm on about three dates, it went really well. It looked like it was going somewhere. And then out of nowhere, he went distant on me and then ghosted me. This is the second time now. And, I mean, you're really upset. And I felt really silly because I only went on three dates with this guy.

So why do I care so much? But just sort of want to talk about, like, ghosting. is this like a unique experience or do girls often go through this when they start dating because I haven't really dated. How do you date firstly without strings? How do you not get attached and just ghosting? How do you deal with being ghosted? Like why is it a thing? Then also just how to be content with being single because I don't know how to right now. Also just like how to navigate your early 20s when everyone's doing something different

you know someone's in a relationship some people are moving in together some people sing fucking around and what do I do? Anyway, thank you so much. Babe, ghosting is so normal. I had exactly this. When I broke up with my ex,

the first guy I slept with, we went on two dates. I slept with him on the second date. Sorry, I just have one question. Is it one guy that goes to her twice or two guys? Two guys. Two different guys.

Then he went skiing, babe, and just never came back. I never got a message again. And then I was ghosted by another guy that I'd been on like three dates with. I just think, sadly, in this modern day and age, where you can... Well, it's too easy. You can just not reply to a text.

Listen, I don't think it's right, but I don't think you're the only one experiencing it. And I think the best thing to do when that happens to you is just think, okay, you've shown me your true colours, okay, not someone I want to be with anyway. Do you know what I mean? like someone that would never even send a text

to be like, it's been nice getting to know you, but I don't think it's for me. That's literally all it is. And then it's like aeroplane mode block. Like it's not even scary to like send that kind of text. Yeah.

Because you just send it. Well, there's just no repercussion at all. No, but like even for sending the text, like you could, like, not receive a reply. Like you don't even have to have anyone's wrath. So it's like so cowardly to not even send the text. Yeah. Oh, I see what you...

You're saying there's a... no repercussion for... To ghost. To ghosting. Yeah, well, there can be, but it doesn't matter. There's no point. Like, there's genuinely no point sending the big text being like, I can't believe you ghosted me,

I can't believe you're a prick, because they don't care. I agree. And they're just like, they're the kind of person that would just not reply. You could send it for yourself, if it makes you feel better, like, whatever. But I actually, I don't know that it will make you feel better because I think they

if they also then don't respond to that, you're just like, oh wow, you really are a piece of shit and you really thought nothing of me. The only reason I think it sometimes helps is, or like I've had it before when a guy ghosted me and then he kind of came back. And when he came back, I wasn't just like, hi. I think that was really bad and I think I deserve an apology. Yeah. But I think the only reason why sometimes it's good to send the message is like, hopefully we're doing some, you know, long-term work for these ghosters. And the more texts they get back that make them feel bad about the thing that they've done, the better.

Really? Because I don't know that they feel bad. They might not feel bad, but I think the more you do it and the more girls just don't roll over. Yeah, the problem is that it's easy to get away with every time if no one's catches you out. If no one ever replies, it's like, oh, well, isn't that just the format for not dating anyone anymore? It's just to not send a text.

Whereas I think if you reply and you're like, I find it really hurtful that you've been so cowardly and you can't say to me that you don't want to see me anymore. Yeah. You don't need to reply to this. I just want you to know you. I've told some guys. Yeah.

Like, do they reply? This is what you did wrong, yeah. I always wait and someone in person. Oh, good. That's really good. That's really good. And then they just silent.

I'm like, that's cool. Yeah, I just need you to know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if it makes you feeling me better, I've been asked from two dates recently. Two of which the day before

posted me. Really? Like, you're like, what times we meet? Nothing. Weird. They suggest the date. Like, all up for that. Yeah, I've had that.

I've had that a lot where we haven't even like left the app. Or like, we're on WhatsApp and then we're like, I'm like talking a bit. and then it gets to the arranging a date stage and they just disappear. It happens. I think life just sometimes get busy and when someone's like...

Don't care. Yeah. Well, listen. I don't get how busy your life is. Tell me you don't want to. Sure, of course. Don't ask me on a date if you're so busy. Yeah.

No, I know. It's so bad. It's such bad for them. But it happens to everyone. Like, it really does. I just want to pick up on what you said about like, oh, what do I do? Some of my friends are in relationships.

Some of my friends are single. Like, we're all out here. You're early 20. is actually, does she say early 20s, I think your whole 20s. I was going to say, I think you just have to sort of get used to the fact that no one is doing the same as you. Like, even at our age, babe, some of my friends are single, some of my friends are getting married and having kids. Do you what I mean? Like, the spectrum is vast. Yes. And you, the key is to be comfortable where you are and really make an effort to put

those blinkers on because, like, you know, if being in another relationship is something that want. I know you said about something being about happy being single. Well also, baby, you're what we'd call a serial monogamist, I think. Yeah. You're what we'd call a relationship addict. Yes. And this is good for you. It's really good for you. Yeah. Just figure out what you want on your own and like how to be happy being single is just fill up your own cup. And as Al says, that comes from not comparing yourself to everyone else. In my opinion, how to be happy happy being single is actually a relationship status. I really do believe that I think it's people just think like, I don't know why. I think single is this term of like single until I

find someone. But what if it's single until, it's not single until anything. It's single for me. I'm doing, do you know what I mean? Like I think we need to differentiate between seeing single as like a bunny hop to your next relationship. Well, I think you're right. I think there are like different types of single. Like I would say at the moment I'm really single. Like I'm not dating. really I'm like I'm dating myself if I'm ever to do that like I'm really not looking for a relationship therefore like I would say I'm quite single and I'm like really happy in that space and then I think there is a different type of single where you're almost in this like waiting room where you are dating and you are looking for something and that's okay because you might

really want a relationship and you might want to find someone and sadly they don't just come to your front door it's wild you can't sit in your living room and find a boyfriend it's crazy so you do have to, if you're wanting a relationship, you do have to go into that next stage of being single, which is single and looking. Because I think that does exist. Yeah, agree. But if you're not looking, then yeah, like sitting in single is this, it's such a crazy thing because everything is made for so many milestones that we're told we need to hear, like all about being in a relationship. Like, they really are. So you have to define what it means to you to be alone and you have to make yourself happy without that part of your life being filled.

And that does just come by filling up your own cup and by making sure that you have a rich life even without a partner. Do you know I watched this video last night that said, you know, sometimes when you feel sad and someone says the wrong thing, or your partner says the wrong thing and you think, why could you not have said the right thing

and love me in the right way? There is no one on earth that will do that for you every day other than yourself. And like, that's actually such a beautifully powerful thing to know to be like, I need to really kind of fall in love with myself and know that no matter what, I've got it. I can, I can walk through the fires all on my own if needs be. Also, you're in like such a lucky position, I think, because I think it's harder to do that when you're in a relationship. Oh my God. It's much easier to do when you're

single. Oh my God. Much easier, because no one's rocking your boat the same way, good or bad. Well, also, so much of your, like, identity and responses and everything is so closely tied to one other person. Whereas when you're single, it's just like, so, it's a free-for-all. Yeah. Let's round up. Should we round up? Yeah. Okay. Voice note number one, baby, you've got to speak to your sister.

Yes. And you've just got to articulate how it makes you feel. And even though that's hard, I've definitely found it hard to have those conversations. Like, they're not easy because it's quite like, not embarrassing, but like it can make you feel very vulnerable to show those vulnerable sides of you where you feel sensitive or like, you know, weak even sometimes because it's like, oh, that did hurt me and I know you didn't mean it, but it did. So I just think, even though it's hard, you've got to have those conversations,

you've just got to say to it, it upsets me when you do X. And explain why. And then she'll be like, oh my God, didn't know. Or I did know, and I was kind of doing it anyway. Also, sorry, maybe one thing, like if there are, I think it's helpful to really be specific because it's hard if you're the person that doesn't know to know what the triggers are. like you have to say when you said X, when you did Y, like, be specific so that at least like she's got a roadmap now. Also, once you explain it, I'm pretty sure that person finds it obvious. Like, once I explained it to you, were you like, oh yeah, obviously? Obviously, but that was like in relation to one specific thing. Yeah. I think it's hard to just

be like, you're just generally whatever it is. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't generalise is what I'm trying to say. I think you can ask someone though, look, that's in your life that often to be sensitive to a topic. Yeah, of course. I think that, like generalisation is okay but you gave us specific examples so you can do that for her um okay voice note number two the strings attached thing i don't know i think it's okay get attached what was the thing about oh get hurt this was like in and out get dirty get don't like do you know what i mean some of them won't bother you and some of them will let them bother you because strings attached it's like most people attach strings i know even after a day i know

and it's okay like it's okay that that ghosting hurt you because we're all like real people or having like real experiences with other real people so you can feel things, you know? Good luck for your 20s because honestly... Hold on time. Hold on tight. But also, I actually think it's looking back as I come to the end of my 20s.

Oh my God, yeah, last year. I've been in a relationship almost all my 20s, but don't get me wrong, I've had some turbulence in it. So I just, even people that are in relationships, they're going through different things that you're going through. Like, I think that is the beauty of life, is that everyone's sort of figuring out your 20s is this amazingly experimental place

where everyone's just like throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks and seeing what works and what doesn't and like if you feel lost, if you feel confused, if it feels chaotic, that's okay and that's actually probably as it should be. Don't feel like you have to have everything figured out and like that you have to fit into Xbox or do a Y thing. Like these years are so free.

I actually think and you will never get them again. So make Hey, while the sun shines, I suppose. Amen. Thank you so much for listening. For listening. And for sending in your voice notes, we're so, so grateful. I haven't even done a voice note shout out in forever and you're still sending them. So we're so grateful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. And we will see you next week. Please subscribe, like and subscribe. Don't forget to subscribe. Love you. Bye. Bye! Maybe it's just a phase you're going through.

You'll get over it. I can't help you with that. The next appointment is in six months. You're not alone. Finding mental health support shouldn't leave you feeling more lost. At CAMH, we know how frustrating it can be trying. to access care. We're working to build a future where the path to support is clear, and every step forward feels like progress. Not another wrong turn. Visit camh.ca to

help us forge a better path for mental health care.