Leave A Message with Ally & G - G Wrote A Book!! And Female Friendships Are Toxic?!

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

It's a MASSIVE week for Aly and G Limited because G's debut novel Texts We Never Sent lands TOMORROW! To mark the occasion (and distract G from spiralling), the girls help you Gallies rewrite and finally send the texts you've never had the courage to hit send on.PLUS, one Gally feels like the unwanted third wheel in her friendship trio, and another is asking the question we've all faced: is it ever okay to remove a toxic friend from the group chat?FANCY SENDING A VOICENOTE/MESSAGE GALLY? Send your voice note to: https://wa.me/message/UH4DASEKPFQBA1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Oh, and don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details!)OR, you can write us email an on [e-mail] us at @leaveamessagepodcast on socials!Listen every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube.Leave a Message with Ally & G is brought to you by Love Honey. Check out www.lovehoney.co.uk. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've reached Leave a Message with me, Ali. And me, G. This is a podcast where we help the galley's in need. Whether the text you forgot you sent are suddenly exposing everyone. Or you've written your debut novel! Then this is the podcast for you. The excitement really tipped me over the edge of that. Well, babe, how does it feel to be a published author?

Well. To join the ranks of all the literary greats that have come before you. It's an honour. It's a true honour. It is. Tell us. It's the weirdest thing because, like, you, I don't know, I didn't know this, so maybe people don't know this, but the process of actually writing a book is one of the longest.

Yeah. And biggest, like, labours of love that I think you can do. Even the, like, printing of the actual book. Like, it goes to print so long before it actually comes out and people actually hold it. I'm ever so sorry. I take great issue with it. with this. Al could not work in publishing. I'm so, what do you mean? It doesn't take that long to print a book. It's like, it does. Apparently it does. They print newspapers every single day and you're

telling me you need six months to print a book. That's not right. I know. Well, listen, here it is. Look, I've got my hands on it. And here it is, sorry. And here it is. It's quite surreal, actually when you look at it like this. Also, when I held it, I was like, oh, it's like actually quite chunky. I know. How many pages is that? Well, let me tell you. Well, okay, it's chunky. why as well. Because it's huge text. No one can, I don't know how anyone can read that. You think it's too big to read it? But I have my Kindle text on two.

Yeah, that's wild. What do you have it on? I actually don't know the point off the top of my head. And I make my phone text smaller. I don't actually know why because I can't think. Feels like one of those things that like cool girls do. Like I was talking to Marva about it the other day. Like why do cool girls like a flat lid and not a do?

lid. There's no reason. Same amount of coffee. It's just like the look or just the cooler to have a flat lid. Who are cool girls. famously hate flat lids. And they like a dome lid. They would ask for a dome lid and I always think you're fucked. You want a flat lid? Yeah, obviously. Same with like, it's like a bit like cool girl to have tiny texts that you can't read on your phone and on your Kindle. You're like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it is 356 pages. Wow. Yeah, get your teeth stuck into that, girlies. Guys, my favourite thing about this book that I've talked about so many times, obviously, my name is G.

And it says G because it's Gallery Y, A. And I just think, gosh, how serendipitous is that? Yeah, it's like double G. See, G. G. Yeah, yeah, yeah. G's everywhere. So, yes, if you don't know, we've been talking about it for, like, months.

I probably... Well, when did you start writing it, do you think? What? Last April, maybe. I've got many things on my chest. I know. Let me... Last April, maybe.

So over a year ago. And I started conceptualising it probably like what in Christmas before. Maybe. Are we talking about it in? Yeah, maybe. I think it was, you know. Yeah, it could be. That would be 2024.

See? It's wild. And then you go through, I did three drafts. So you go through a lot of rounds of writing. I actually would hate to read the first draft again. and yeah basically this is text we never sent and it's about four girls. We meet them, chapter one we meet them when they're 16 and it's prom night and they're getting ready for prom and they're having a good time and then they basically decide that they're

going to send these time capsule text messages which are a real thing and you can basically write text to each other and pick a day that they're going to be delivered. So like Al and I could do it and we could make sure it's delivered like on your, no, on my 40th birthday would be a good one because you'll already be 40 and I'll be turning 40. Wait, is this a real thing that you can actually do? A real thing. Yeah. Found it on TikTok.

T and he actually sent me the video of it on TikTok. We've got to do this on this podcast. Isn't that so good? And then it's like, yeah, like a time. Did you do time capsules at like primary school? Yeah, but in a bottle. Yeah. You're like bury it or something.

Mine's somewhere off the coast of Southeast Asia. Love. So good. Who will find it we don't know? An alien race, hopefully, I think, is the plan. No, but I wouldn't call them, like, they weren't letters. I mean, they were, like, ours were like on scraps of paper this big. I see, I see.

Like, in a little bottle. Yes. No, at our school, we did a proper time capsule. I put, like, a phone in it, like, wrote about what year it was. Where is it? I think it's in Lower Swel. We buried it. Shut up.

So that, like, archaeologists, I suppose, in the future, might be able to find the time capsule. I'm an archaeologist. I could find it. You are an archaeologist. Do you remember where you buried it? Let's go there. You don't talk about that enough. You should sew down. You should wear that top that say like archaeology rocks. No, there was one that was like, I dig it or something about that.

Yeah, come on. I think you should make more of that in your personality. I famously hated every minute of archaeology at Bristol. Because, you know, unless you're like digging up, I don't know, like the tombs of Tutankhamun, you are literally just digging up sheep bones. Why did you do this degree, sorry? This is extremely random. Because you actually want to know the reason.

It's because all of my friends went to Oxford, like all of my friends went to Oxford specifically. And I didn't get in the first year. And I applied just for history and politics. But like the process to get in for history and politics at Oxford is like two interviews, all these admissions tests. So the second, then I took a gap here in that I wanted to get in the second year. And basically my main goal was to just get in.

Like I didn't really give a shit what I got in for. And I opened the booklet and archaeology and anthropology was the, The first because of AA. And there was no admissions test. And I thought, that's got me written all over it. I still didn't get it. Then I got a lot of doing Ark an Anth at Bristol. So that's why I did it.

Everything does happen for a reason. Apart from you doing Arkanaan in Bristol. Okay, so anyway, so you very time capsule. Yes. So sorry, that's by the bye, but this is a digital time capsule. That's by the bye. This is a digital timed capsule So they decide to send text

For when they're 18 So they're 16 at the time And then we revisit them when they're 18 And the heartbreak is Is that they've drifted apart completely They've gone to different schools As does so often happen At that age

As does so often happen If you go to different six forms Or someone goes to college Or you move away Like it's very hard at that age When you're in the pursuit of your own happiness To prioritise your friendship Or does that life

Is just happening to be honest Yeah, and you're doing your A levels and you're like, some, most you aren't driving and like, you're not able to do that kind of like, you know, above and beyond for your friends. So anyway, they've all drifted apart. And these texts are delivered to them. And it finds them all in different places and it finds one of the girls really poorly in hospital. So it's kind of about how they come back together and help each other with some of the trials and tribulations that they're facing and about their friendship, really. It's really beautiful. And it's, I always, everyone always asked me all that's like, I'm like, it's about four girls. And like my closest ref, it's obviously not the sisterhood of the travelling pants. But yeah. But it's got that energy of like four girls that are like best mates.

And they're kind of like going through their own path in life and trying to find a way back to each other. And they're also different, which I think is really nice. Because hopefully if you're reading it, you will, you know. See yourself in one of them at least. Exactly. You'll find an affiliation. And hopefully it makes you just like, you know, hold your friends a little bit tighter. Yeah. Think about what's like important to you because obviously I'm writing it like there's a lot of like, you know, my life and my experiences and my friends in it. But I'm writing it from that like place of being 18 but with all of the knowledge of being 29, which is like a whole different thing. Do you know what I mean? You think you know so much. I was thinking this the other day about 18 years. You think you genuinely.

you have nothing left to learn. Of course you do. We were exactly the same, I'm sure. No, but I think that is genuine. I think that is human. I genuinely believe that is human nature. Yeah. You have to like think that you know everything in order to like go forth.

Yes. And then you realize actually. God, there was so much to learn. But I think this about like the smartest people in the world. Like they always think I've got so much more to learn. Like, you know, people that are curious and like constantly improving always think they've got stuff to learn. Yeah.

And you think, God, I actually know fuck all. What do I know? Genuinely, what do I know? What do I know? Or you think you've done something, you know? You know, like, I have this a lot, like, even recently, or, like, especially when you start therapy. Like, you'll think you, like, handled a situation in a family. Or you think you did something, like, for your friend.

Like, you're talking about it from your POV. You're like, no, but I, la, la, la. And then someone, like, reframes it to you, and you're like, interesting that she received it like that, because that's not how I intended it to be. Or, like, whatever. Like, I think writing this. really made me realize, because I was like with each different girl. I was like, God, you don't get it right all the time and you actually don't know. And hindsight is the most

beautiful gift to be able to learn the best lessons because you have to go through it. Also, I think like it's a story about like forgiveness in so many respects. And like, I think, listen, as at 2930, I think that there is less room in our lives for forgiveness because like we all know what's up now and like we've all been in our lives long enough to just know where the lines are but I do think at that age like everyone is just trying to figure out who they are and like you have to allow room and space to like for people to make mistakes and for people like your best friends to do things that you don't like or agree with or you know whatever it is and to kind of forgive them also it's a beautiful thing to know like from this place that like water

really does flow under the bridge. Well, when you look back, you just think, God, what a, like, I, the things that my friends and I fell out about at 18, I just think, hilarious, like boys that we would not talk over, I just think, fucking Earl, if only I knew where he was. Like, I've got no clue. I don't know him.

I honestly don't know him. I couldn't even bump into the street. Do you know what I mean? I wouldn't pull him out in a line up. I don't even know. And we were, like, fighting over it. And I think we get a lot of messages on this podcast when, like, in the moment, obviously, and like, don't, I think this is true throughout life. Well, maybe less

as you get older, but like at the moment, it feels like the biggest thing that will ever happened to you, it's taking up all the room in the universe and like, it's the only thing that you can look at and you've got, do you what I mean? And it's like, when you get a bit removed from it, you can be like, wow, that was so insignificant. Yeah. It's all about perspective. It is. Well, also when, like, I think actually, like, at school and this is like the biggest transition that people talk about, especially when you go probably from uni into like real life, you've had so many years of your world being quite small. So like the things that impact you are all quite like,

they're quite potent because everything's quite, there's not that much going on. Like you do the same thing most days. I was going to say your life is all of you are experiencing kind of the same. Yeah, like within the same framework. And yeah, exactly. Not everyone is at different stages because like you're all doing your A levels or you're all learning to drive or you're all.

And then like, so actually, those problems are the biggest thing in the world because everything else is just like bog standard because you're all doing it. Do you know what I mean? Unless there's something like out of the norm. For example, like someone being really poorly

that gives you this perspective that you never had. And like I had that with one of my friends at school she was really poorly and it's like, God, the shit that we were worrying about. Even how I looked in a top, would I give a shit? Give a fuck. When like someone's going to, you know,

like fight for their life in hospital. Obviously not. I couldn't care less. It's more like that you're going to, I think this applies to friendships too, that you're going to hold a grudge against someone. Yeah. That just simply does not, you've owned, listen, I'll be the first to say, I've done this many, many times.

You're doing it purely out of pride. Yes. You don't actually care. It's always so true. It's about, like, it's not actually about the print. I know. Do you what I mean? Because most of the time, once you've had it,

the anger, the frustration, the disappointment, and you've held it and you've like shone a light on it. and then you actually sit with it and you address them and you tell them what's what. Most of the time after that, you think, that actually wasn't that deep anyway. Do you know what I mean? You do feel like that. Of course in the moment. It's like, it's like, you know, like burning your finger.

It's like it hurts in the moment. But then it's like, you know, it's not that deep. It's just a scar now. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Covered in them. Don't worry about it. We've had so many messages.

Babe, there are hundreds of DMs for you to respond to saying how much they love the book. I have been so bad on the DMs, guys. I'm getting a little bit of. avoidant because I'm fucking petrified of people reading it. What are you scared of? Okay. Oh dear. Having a breakdown.

No, no, that's okay. I was worrying where that was going to come, to be completely honest. Much to discuss. What are you, what are you worried about? If you know we were to really therapize this right here right now. Okay, well, I was actually explaining it to someone at the weekend on us who winds deep. I think it's because I actually don't mind. Oh my God, I need to tell something.

But I think it's because I actually, you know, hate it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, like the more you read it back, it's quite hard to like stomach your work. Don't worry. That's like when you look at a picture of yourself. Exactly. The first time you take it, you think, God, I've literally never looked better. And then by the end of it, you think this is the worst person behind the energy.

Or like with anything, like the more you look at it, the more you're around it. Also, the more I would do differently. I think that with all of our stuff. Like, there's so many things that I look at and I'm like, This is the problem with publishing. I know. It's so long and drawn out. Like, let's move on.

I know. Come on. So there's actually not that many dummy run. Like even the drafts, like once you've written that many words, you can't really start again. No, no, I agree. It's clay.

Do you know what I mean? Like you've built what you've built. So you're like adding on, taking off. But like the mess is there. Yeah. Like you're just kind of chiseling and like, you know. So there's that obviously like, you know, rereading. There's obviously like, I'm a year.

I would write differently. I would do differently. I don't know. Like always, I will critique that kind of thing. But I think when we're doing what we're doing, because it's based on our, like, personality, quote on quote, just us being us, like, I don't mind criticism or I don't mind people liking or not liking it because you can't be for everyone, right? Like, I see. Not everyone's for everyone. But I think when it's something like this where there's like a skill involved, or even like us, if we were to do something like, I'm trying to think of a good example of what we've done where it's like you can be good or bad at it do you know what I mean yeah and I guess writing is something and also like the publishing industry is like a different world and they are a bit

you know well I think maybe we could you know tackle this by not looking at it as good or first of all not it's not like no it's not I'm so like when I hold this I'm like whoa proud yeah course like crazy so that's enough worst that can happen genuinely it's something Someone reads it and thinks, ma'er, you'll never know. I met an or not on the other day. And they just won't read the next one. She said, do not go on good reads. I said amen.

I can go on good reads. I'll be so far away from good reads. No, I will be right up close and personal with good reads. What if it's really bad? I doubt it. People aren't, but listen, there are old men on there and I don't know that. Old men are not looking at this cover and thinking. This is why I mean.

And if they are, they're not the right kind of old men. This is what I mean. I rated it five stars. So far it has got nine ratings, average 4.78, which is acceptable. optionally high. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a good,

is like three good on good news? No, like I would read anything four and above. Fine. Because you can have like 4.5 to 4. like it's all like, got it.

So 4.78 is really high. Um, oh, okay, someone rated it three stars. Let me just pre-free this. Okay, this is a nice.

So this was a three-star review. Okay. That's pretty like, yeah, like five out of five is going to be like, yeah, like, classic. I would have it five out of five.

So that's fine. I gave a five. I gave it five out of five. Yeah, that was kind. I will give it a five out of five too. Also kind. I fear I'm definitely not the target audience for this book now, but I would have ate it up as a 13 year old.

It's a lovely story about the ups and downs of friendship and how to help your girls through the hardships they may be facing. Good, you've taken the right message from it. Amen. There were a lot of current pop culture references, which I don't love in a book as I don't typically read to be reminded of the world I want to escape it. Fair.

See what I mean? This isn't bad. No, that's a good point, actually. Also, I think those types of references, can make a book outdated quite quickly. Do you know what? I'd like to see you try. No, no, no, but that is true.

And actually, that was a note that I had from my editor, so I had to take a lot out. So this is an edited version. But otherwise... Because I like references. It was a very heartwarming read. Lovely. Text we never...

Hold on. This person gave five stars. Oh my God, there's millions of them. There can't be. How have they all got it? Nine. When I say millions, I say I read. My mum.

My mum. Such a beautifully written book about girlhood and female friendships. the ban to tenderness and quiet heartbreak that comes with growing us up. I love how all of the girls Nell Flo, Maggie and Nicole, had their own personal struggles and insecurities, making them feel incredibly real and layered. Each chapter was told from a different perspective uncovering the complexities of their lives while showing how interconnected their friendship was.

There are so many more relatable moments throughout the book, especially the British references. And I love how girl power shone through. The four girls stuck together till the end, and I loved how sweet their bond was. You must have paid someone to write that. Nope. Did you not?

Truly won five stars. of the funniest, sweetest, most poignant books about teen girl friendship I have ever read. Whoa. Can't wait to read that. Oh no, sorry, that was it. Can't wait to read this. Well, thank you to everyone. And if you do read it and you like it, please tell good reads.

But if you don't, don't worry about it. Like, same as with this pod. Like, if you don't like it, like, lazy just... As of anything, we do, just look away. Back in the day when we were first going to launch, leave a message, like, back, you know, original conception, yeah. We had the whole idea of doing the artwork was going to be us and then like loads of phones hanging. Like there's like a really classic ref picture that everyone uses.

It's like all the like old school phones like hanging down. Obviously leave a message. I would say it was two weeks before we launched, Liv Atwood released her artwork and it was literally we might as well have just removed ourselves and just stuck her face there. So even the font was the same. Everything was the same. Yeah. So then we had to change our whole artwork and, you know, arguably it was actually better

and Slayer. Yeah. But this is happening again now. It's like, you know. Tell as old as time. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

And still we rise. There was something else. There was something else. There was another one and I can't remember what it was. I'll think about it. But that is sad. Yeah. Okay.

Right. You can join us in part two for your galley messages. Gallies, welcome back. What should we call the galley's this week? It best be one of the girls. It better be Flo, because she's you. Guys, look at this. Oh, yeah.

Tata, ta, ta. Chalmets at London Social? What a man? So this is Flo. This is Flo. Maggie. Nell. They're gone.

Do you know they've all got black hair apart from you? Yes, although Nell actually doesn't in the book. She's like a hazily, mousy, like brownie. So I don't know how they didn't get that ref. I'm joking. Okay, let's get it, girls. Hey, Galiz. Here's my dilemma.

So I've been friends with this girl called Keisha since year 10, but towards year 11, another girl called Emily joined in and kind of tried to wash her way through and her work. Now we're old in suit form and have made two more girlfriends, but obviously I'm still close to the other two, more so Keisha.

A couple of weeks ago, we went out for food in the middle of a school day, and on a way back after I paid for the food, he walked off and left me behind without looking back. I felt like they tried to leave me behind or whatever, but I head back to school and there's skis just smiling at me. I was pissed, but I didn't do too much. So we had an Easter break,

and during that time I told her that she was being disrespectful because I came to a realisation, and then she told me she didn't know what I was talking about, so I told her to backtrack. When we resumed school, she came in, she spoke to me, and then she was telling me how, Emily's lesson was more important than mine in that she didn't think I would mind and that after our big fight she felt awkward hanging out with me alone. So I haven't spoken to her in like two weeks,

her birthdays today and Emily's was on the seventh of the same month. I didn't get neither of them a gift nor did I post them on like Snapchat or any social media. I just felt left out and they don't consider my feelings and that Keisha uses me as a backup friend when Emily gets in a mood swings. So am I an asshole or being petty or in the wrong? Should I be the bigger person? I really want to enjoy my sit-form days. Like, I'm trying to get out my shell more. And to be honest, I don't need no one holding me back. Wow. God. I really, like, literally, like, literally, it, writing this book did this to me and also starting therapy, but, like, it transports me to a time that was honestly so sickening. Like, that, like, got, really.

wrenching feeling of being like, oh, I'm ostracized. And like, no one wants to hang out with me, but I don't understand why. Like, I basically had a situation where in year 11, our girl group, we were a big girl group and we were like strong, you know, everyone was very potent personalities. And we basically divided like the Red Sea. And it was so nasty and like so, I mean, if I could go back and talk to those girls and just be like, it's really not worth hurting each other like this, I would. But at the same time, what that did was give me friends that I now have for life because I saw like who would ride for me and who wouldn't. but there is no easy way I don't think to like maneuver those dynamics

and I think if you're feeling like you're holding a grudge for the sake of it I would always offer one olive branch I think it's worth it to do just the one olive branch to explain how you're feeling and I feel like she's done that yeah maybe that she said she felt like

I think that you made it quite clear how you were feeling. And if she's then like kind of just ignored that, then I'm like, okay. Then you just, then you have to look elsewhere. I literally wrote look elsewhere. Yeah. Yeah. For friends that will be there for you.

And like genuinely, I moved to schools. That's how bad it was. So like, you could also look elsewhere elsewhere. But yeah, I think, I think it will show you who you can rely on and who you can't and don't get me wrong. It's really lonely. It can be really lonely. And it.

can feel like, you know, you don't have those like best friends anymore. But when you start pouring into other friendships, maybe they're not as good right now, but they might be when you start giving them more time and attention. And you really don't need people that make you feel like small and left out and like they don't want you there. Or just like, I think it's sometimes, I had this at uni basically. And I think that you can spend a lot of time kind of like, it's a bit like having a crush on a boy actually. You can spend a lot of time wishing that they'll like look at you differently or notice you differently all of a sudden to like involve you. And I think that you can just waste like however many years feeling really miserable, feeling like uncomfortable and

anxious every single day about it. Or you can look around you at all the other people that you might be able to befriend people that like you take the same class with or like especially in sixth form. there are so many different like variations and how you can be friends with people. Also new people come in in sixth form which is really nice. You get like an injection of new energy. And like like even like clubs.

I remember like after school clubs. So many people. Yeah. Like you'd have friends at netball that you wouldn't really like maybe hang out with. Yes. Like you just need to yeah,

invest in those relationships maybe over the people that are making you feel not good. Yeah. But it is sad and you have to, I think you have to allow yourself to like Oh like go through the motions of like really like feeling, you know, hurt and heartbroken.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it is. Oh my God, it is. And girls, we say this, we don't actually say this all the time, but we should. Girls are phenomenal. And female friendship is one of the most precious gifts that you could be given. But girls can also be really fucking nasty.

Yeah. Like, I think nasty than boys actually. Oh, 100%. Especially when it comes to. But it's all like really like mental and emotional and like. And they know, we know how to get each other. because we know what hurts. Oh, yeah.

And jealousy is a really ugly thing. And like, you know, I don't even know what the word is, but like I think there's so much when you're younger that you need to almost take from other people to give to yourself. So like if you are struggling with self-esteem, if you're struggling with feeling like cool or on top or cleverer than you or with a boyfriend or not or lost my virginity or not,

all that stuff that is a little. competitive, I think in order to feel better about yourself, you take, or some people do. And I think that dynamic is unhealthy for everyone. And if you can remove yourself from that, then that's the best thing that you can do, rather than pining after maybe a friendship that isn't there. The only last olive branch that I would say that you could do is to be like, and listen, me at that age wouldn't have done this. So I understand that this is not like not something that comes naturally at that age. because you just want to be like, fuck you goodbye.

You know, I'm not going to post you on my Snapchat and whatever. No, no. And like absolutely, to be honest, as you shouldn't. Yeah. But the only thing that you could say is like, basically worse than the effect of like, I feel really sad about the fact that this is the state of our friendship. And I would like to find a new, like, I don't think it's good for me to be in this group anymore. But I would still like to really maintain a relationship with you.

Like, I don't know if there's a conversation that you, like, because you were friends with Kesha first. So I don't know if there's a conversation for you to be like, I don't love these group dynamics. I'm just going to remove myself. But like that makes me sad because I still want to hang out with you. And like see what she says. Yeah. Listen,

I always say this. Don't get your hopes up. Keep your expectations low because chances are she's not going to meet them. But imagine she's like, yeah, I would really love that too. Like if we just hung out. Then you. And it's actually better when we hang out alone. Yeah.

Because this is a lot of the, a lot of the timer actually is that thing of we even, I even have this now. Sometimes, like, you know, people that you love are different in a group setting because everyone's vying for like top spot. And it's like if you're not going to engage in that, just see them one on one. You'll have a nicer friendship. Yeah. Sometimes dynamics do you matter. 100%. Yeah. And especially with a three, like it's really tricky. Oh, listen. We always say this. We always say this. We're the age old thing about the power of three. Yeah. Yeah. The three's a crowd or whatever. Yeah. Look at the White Lotus. Those three women. That dynamic That is exactly What's happening That is a school girl dynamic

That like You endeavour to shake off And sometimes you can't And the only way to protect yourself from that Is to remove yourself from that situation Because you can't change how people are acting You really can't Oh good luck babe

Good luck babe Now it is time for an email You okay over there sister Sorry hold on yep Maybe the font's too big No it's struggle you're loving Hi gallies I've had a close group of home friends since school.

Naturally, we all drifted a bit after sixth form, but there are still seven of us who keep in touch regularly. Seven is a lot. Yeah. The problem is that I had a major falling out with one girl in the group before we started uni. We're very different people, and she was consistently quite mean to me.

On top of that, I really struggle with her politics and overall worldview, so being around her has never felt comfortable for me. At the time, the other girls in-customer, me to make up with her for the sake of keeping the group dynamic peaceful, but I didn't feel willing to compromise my personal boundaries just to pretend everything was fine, especially because she's never really been the type to apologise or take responsibility for the way she's treated me. Now, whenever we all hang out together, it still feels awkward and not particularly enjoyable. I'd love your thoughts on this kind of friendship group dilemma.

Where do you draw the line between protecting your own boundaries and keeping the peace with a wider friendship group? really tricky that's really tricky well I've got much to say do you know what's hard here and like different to like say the situation I had like at school with our friendship group was I had like

three people on like my team almost so it never felt even if it was me like falling out mainly with like one of the other girls it was never like me be her and then a whole group I couldn't be involved in yeah like I had my tribe so it felt like okay well there's safety and numbers here at least.

And it's not like they're all hanging out without me and I'm having to decide not to be there because I think that is a really hard decision to make. A hundred percent. If that's like your whole friendship group, like who you do everything with. To lose five friends because you've fallen out with one is really hard. But there might be a time that will help you heal if you're not around her. And if that sometimes means removing yourself from the group, that might be necessary. I don't actually know that that's the fix because I think that will make you feel og.

I think often in these situations people think better the devil you know to be in and to like hate that person than to be out on your own. I know, but I don't know whether that is better. I think it's better if you can find a way to like kind of pretend that she doesn't exist. Yeah. Like I think if you can operate, seven is a lot. Like it's not, if it was like three or four of you, I'd be like, that's, you know, like, too close. You've got enough buffer there to like always be sat on the opposite ends of the table.

It really, actually, my opinion is that it really depends on the behavior of everyone else in the group. Because if everyone else in the group is like quite neutral and like genuinely doesn't pick a side and like would come to your defence in the same way that they would come to, like if you're on an equal footing, then I think it's if you would like to still be friends with them for the duration of your, you're not even at uni together anymore. So like when you hang out like, I don't know, at Christmas, for the sake of keeping that up.

I think that is okay. And you can just swallow it and stomach it and just like, you know, just like swat her away like a fly almost. And no, don't ever forget the things that she said to you so that, you know, you don't get like lulled back in or whatever. But like you can just kind of pretend she's not there. Or if that's not the case and they are all like, you feel like you're on the back foot and they're all on her side,

then yeah, in that case I think it is better to be out than it. But it's hard because if you value all those other five friends in that group and you want to see them and like, you know, like also at uni, you come home for what, two weeks? That is true. If you're coming home, like it's quite easy to just like have an evening. Just suck it up. Do you what I mean?

Yeah. But then you get to the point where you're like, you know, sometimes when you want to be like, Guys, no one else saying what I'm saying. I think she's kind of a mean person. Or this is my other tactic. Find one ally. One person must be able to say.

That you can at least have a bitch with. Yeah. Because sometimes that's honestly all you need to do to be like, she's fucking mental. Just to be like, am I going crazy? Yeah. Because everyone seems to be like so fine with her and I don't think she's that fine. Because then you start to look at your other friends differently. And that's difficult.

Because then, like, I'm not saying you want to create a riff, but, you know. No, that's what I mean, though. if they're all on her side and they're all like, oh yeah, well, that's no problem. Or like, I don't think she's me. That is something to think about. It's different if they're like, no, I know she can be spiky, but she's never done anything to me.

I used to hear that a lot. And the thing is, again, I will say this again, at that age, that is good enough. Because also not everyone can get on in a big group of girls like that when you're all growing and you're all becoming women and you're finding different interests

and different friendship groups and boyfriends and girlfriends friends and you are going to drift from some people and you are going and sometimes that's quite polarising. Sometimes it's really stark that you're not the same anymore. And that is okay. So it's just, yeah, basically deciding how extreme it is and how tolerant you can be. Like, are we talking intolerance or are we talking allergic? Do you know what I mean? Because if you're intolerant to her, you could have pizza on the weekend sometimes when you're in the mood. I agree. Deal with the stomach. I agree. If you're a celiac, you're a celiac, you're.

You can't. Do you know what I mean? So it's like how bad is it for you and how much self-preservation do you need? And if actually it's okay. Well, I was going to say, like if you were living with them, for example, that is completely different. Because of the situation, I do think if you would like to maintain your friendship with the other girls, it sadly, she's like, you know, a necessary evil. And also, you know, I don't know if this is the advice that really I should be giving, but it. If she's mean to you, you can be mean to her.

Yeah. Don't be afraid of throwing her catty comment her way. This is a thing. Fight fire with fire. I always, I always, I always, my mom always used to say, don't let them think that they can, don't, the worst thing that you can do. Oh, well, I know that a lot of ones would say the opposite. But I think when you're like a bit younger, moms are like, oh, well, like, she'll just get

a bored. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Don't ever let them get to the stage where they're bored. Let them know that you're not to be messed with. That you won't tolerate it. Absolutely. And you don't actually necessarily have to do that with fire. You don't have to like, like, if it's not in your nature to like bite back,

you can also just let her know you've heard it and you didn't like it. What did you say? Exactly that. What was that? Yeah. That's a really good line because obviously they're never going to repeat that mean thing that they said twice. Say it with your chest. And they're going to be embarrassed.

What do you mean by that? Yeah. Yeah. Good. Wait, was that meant to be bitchy? Yeah. Like, it's so easy to do. and to not be like, well, you have a fucking ugly boyfriend, and you smell that.

Like, you don't have to, you know, play her at her game if you don't want to, but you can, and also you can pull her to one side and be like, listen, we clearly don't get on, but for the, like, joy of everyone else and for us being in this friendship group, shall we just be civil? Because then you've said that. So anything she does below the bell is on her. Also, a lot of it is about the power play, because in the situation of, like, a group like that,

The mean girl has all the power Because everyone's afraid of her Not you The second that you It's almost like It's weird Because it's like this thing That no one can see or touch

But like the power is that no one will say something Also it passes round That's the beauty of it You're right It's not just hers So if you just like Flash your power To be like

No no I'm not I'm not afraid of you And I will say Like I don't know That whatever it is Yeah I've got a plus four in my UNO hand Yeah

All of it But then the mean, whoever has the power is like, wait, what? Well, you've got a car to play. And you think no one's got a gun. And then someone pulls out a gun and you're like, wait, fuck, now I'm scared. Famously, it's like when you've got a gun. Do you know what? You know, guys, you know that feeling when you've got a gun?

Does everyone know that feeling? Has everyone been there on a Friday night? You know, when you just whip your gun out and you think no one else has got a gun. And then bam, people are a gun. And you think, oh, God, I'm not the only one with a gun. Bummer. Basically, yeah, best best for what I can. If you're there.

Exactly. It's exactly like that. It's like that. And if you don't know that feeling, why? Why? How bizarre to not know what that feels like to have a gun and for someone else. It's just like when you've got a gun. No, I hear you.

And I think you're right. I hope that that was helpful, babe. Whoa, me and this my community. Not getting on today. I hope that was helpful. And I hope that... I hope you find your gun. I hope you find your gun.

metaphorically, of course. We don't condone violence on this podcast. Obviously. Okay, it is time for The Galley Gossip. We're changing things. Whoa, let the music play. The Gally Gossip.

Okay, we're changing things up this week on the Galley Gossip because it's a text we never sent special. Very special. Because texts we never spend is special. Apen. So special. And you can get it now or pre-order it now or get it tomorrow.

Right, yeah. Okay. Waterstones. T.G. Jones have got it on, it's honestly about three quits. It's the cost of a coffee at TG Jones. Amazon, Kindle. Let's look at the Amazon reviews.

Oh, my God, I didn't even look at that. They won't have it yet because you can't. You don't know that. You don't actually really. I don't know anything to be fair. You can also get it on audio book and I read it aloud. You're going to get it on Kindle. People have asked that.

Kindle. Kindle. Be about 2P on Kindle. It's brilliant. Have it everywhere. Right, guess how much it is on Amazon, everyone? It's not got any reviews yet. I think it's half price on Amazon, is it?

No reviews. Yeah, it is. $4.99, guys. That is... I have a question. Is it going to be a hardback? Question? No, I don't think there is a hardback, I guess, unless it's like a bestseller.

Is that how it works? I don't really know. I mean, listen, I don't know why anyone would ever buy a hardback, but I just... Yeah, it's 50% off, $4.99. Okay. In honour of text we never sent, we asked the galleys to DM. us, the messages currently gathering dust in your notes app. We've all got them, girls. And we're going to help you finally hit send. Our first text request is from Phoebe. Okay. My flatmate

keeps stealing my food, my skin care. This is bad. This is bad. And once even wore my jeans on a night out without asking. I drafted a very mature message about boundaries, but my notes app version currently ends with you are a dirty thief long. I have signed the tenancy for two years by the way please help me write

a mature non-passag message I'm going to get some notes up because I need to actually type if we're going to do this. I've got it. I had this. I was lived with a girl that literally I've actually never told this story.

You shouldn't tell the whole story. It's defamation. As I should defame her. I live with this girl in third year and she, I didn't really notice over the year just like my shit go missing

because it was like stuff I didn't really hear about. I'd go into my her room on the day I was moving out. We both had these like cubbies and I open her cubby and there's a suitcase in there. I open the suitcase. It's full of my clothes. The whole thing was full of my clothes. A dirty thief.

And I remember my mum asking me like, where's that coat? And I was just like, oh, I must have, like loads of things over the year that I just didn't notice. And then I opened the suitcase and I didn't take it. But I left it open and I put it in the middle of her room so she knew that I knew. Now that is. A lot of this shit is mind game, guys.

You've got to get more, you know. I know. You've got to get some strategy going. Yes. I'm so bad at strategy. Yeah, you are. You're genuinely bad. I totally agree.

I'm strategeless. Okay. Right. So I think you say, hey X, whatever her name is. I would start with something like, and I know it's not good to start with an apology, but I would start with something like, um, like not I'm sorry that I'm sending this in a text, but I thought it would be easier to write this in a text. because why wouldn't you just say to her?

Do you know what I mean? But it is easier for everyone because it's less embarrassing for her. I don't think you need to say that. I think it's fairly obvious. Really? Yeah. I think you could just say I noticed.

I noticed that you've been using. My food, my... Or like, I don't know, you need an inn. Like, I noticed that my face cream was finished, but I just bought it like two weeks ago. Yeah, I... And that you bought my jeans. Or I came home the other day and went to Cook X.

Yes. Because I love that one. Because that is actually... She's probably one of the most annoying things. When you think you've got something in so you don't stop at the shop. Yeah. And then you get home and there's nothing there to eat, do you think? I'm not nourished.

No, the skincare for me is more annoying because skincare is expensive. Really expensive. The jeans, I mean I'm not fast. I think you have to let that go. Listen, they're not asking though, obviously is bad. I'm guilty of that. Also, sometimes it depends on your relationship as well because if you're over familiar, I actually kind of enjoy that people feel like they can take that asking.

Me too, me too. Makes me feel like I've got sisters. Me too. So as an only child, I enjoy that. But if you don't know her and like you go to wear the jeans, because that's another thing. Like, if you have your, like, same with the food. If you have an idea of what you're going to wear

and you go to pick those jeans and they're not there or that she's worn them and then they're dirty or like, whatever. That is annoying. So you lead with one of them an example of. I noticed that X was missing or you might be using. My cream was finished. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. La la.

Or you wore my jeans. Yes. The jeans actually is a separate thing because I think they're too different. Because asking is different. to like using, I think because like even if she asked would you want how to use your skincare

probably not so why don't you say that either I noticed that either something about the food or the skincare yeah and then you can say and that

you wore my jeet how did you know like I don't know you need to be like I noticed in a picture you need to say basically how did you know that she was wearing the jeans

so you need basically lay out your receipts first yeah receipts first first. And then you say, I know that we live together, but I would really appreciate. Oh, I would even go with like, I'm so happy to share. Yes, my stuff, but I would really love it if you would let me know beforehand. If you would ask me before using or, like, I think it's more about the acknowledgement. or replace whatever you use.

Yes, that's good. Or replace whatever you've been using. Yeah, that's good. Been using slash eaten. Because then I think actually it's okay because A, you've said this and she probably won't want to replace it so she'll stop using it.

And B, if she does, she knows that if she eats your cat chunky that you've left in the kitchen, she has to buy you another and replace it. Don't end it with you are a dirty thief. end it with that's maybe when I'd say

about the text thing or like like ob's we can talk about it when we next to each other or like something that's like Ovs if you want to talk about it

we can thank you well I also think like the Kit Kat Chunky is a good example of like in the moment you have to kind of get better at like flagging it

did someone eat my Kit Kat Chunky well it or if it's just the two of you you can be like where's my kit cat chunky and obviously she's going to have to say I ate it and then you can say okay well then you owe me a kick cat chunky next time next one's on you amen like let her know that she has to do that yes you can say it in a jokey way yeah you have to flag it in the moment yeah because then it also then

it won't affect you so much well also then she won't think it's going unnoticed yes because i think that is a lot of the time that people just think they're getting away with it when they're not yeah yeah yeah even you could say like i babe like you could be using your skincare or something you could be like Baby, if you'd rather like share because it's like more convenient, why don't you just buy the next one? Yeah. It's kind of passive ag, but you know, it works. Our final text request is from Ryan. Do you want to read this one, babe?

We've been so many Ryans recently. Do you know that? I know. And we were talking about how your husband is called Ryan. Creaky. Oh, I'm going to Ryan and Rory. It's perfect. Okay. I drunkenly told my straight best friend I was in love with him after six espresso martinis.

Listen, six espresso martinis isn't good for anyone. Anything can happen after six espresso and martini. And he replied, love you too, bro, with a fist bump emoji. Oh, no. We've not spoken about it since, but he still sends me TikToks daily like nothing happened. Please help me craft a text that tells him how I really feel and that it wasn't a joke. Oh, I don't know that that's the best course of action here. Are you sure you want to do that?

Are you sure sober you actually want to do that? Let's not get this twisted. Because how straight is, how straight are we talking? How straight is he? because if he's like really straight, maybe don't worry about it because unrequainted love is heartbreaking. I suppose you're already in there. So you might as well tell him, come on.

Let's do it as if we're going to live like, die like we're young. Do you know what I mean? Live like we're young. Die like we're old. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What's the saying?

Live like we're young. Die while we're young. Wait, what is. Live while you're young. Yes. Let's talk about it as if we're going to live fast, die young. And he just needs to tell him so he's got it off. Okay, I think, okay, just hold on a second.

I think we need to lay out some parameters. I don't think it needs to be a straight up. I love you text because that's going to get you absolutely nowhere. What I think you can say is, hey man. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Fist bump. I've been feeling weird since.

I want to address, yeah. Yeah. The other night. Because it feels weird, not like. It feels weird that I was Composementus in the moment and perhaps you weren't. Well, he wasn't compensed us. He was six of Missed and Martinis D's deep. Well, as in he's remembered.

I have memory. Okay, fine. I have memory of what I said to you. Yeah. And I don't know whether you do or not, but I would like to clarify. Yeah. That I said X.

I meant X. But I don't want anything from you. You can do with that information. What you will. You will. I just need to clear the air. If you want to talk about it, let's talk about it. If you want to bro out, then let's bro out.

Yeah. And then end it with a fist bump emoji. Always end it with a fist bump. I'm going to start doing that. I don't fist bump enough. Me neither. I do not fist bump enough. Have you ever done that?

Text someone that hasn't texted you back. I love you. I'm just trying to think if I've ever done that because that's honestly one of the most crippling crippling. What, like, told someone I love them and like, like text them I love you and they've never told me that they love me to. Probs.

I famously wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm really contemplating double texting that guy. Yeah, yeah. I think you can do that. No, I can't. Where my heart on my sleeve, you're a pussy bitch. is what you're trying to say. I'm a pussy bitch and I message me so I want him to what's up him being like just checking

you've got my message. No. Why do we write a text to him now? Come on. Let's do that. That can be our final thing. I can't. I've already text him.

I'm not going to text him again out of the blue. What did your last text say? Drink soon question mark. What would double text? Okay. No, no. Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed.

Tragic. Right. If you want to get involved in next week's galley gossip, send us a DM on Insta or drop us a comment on YouTube or Spotify to be featured. If you've got a story or a dilemma that only we can help you with, then please send a voice note to our WhatsApp on 07342-61797992 or you can click the link in the episode description. You can also send us an email at hello at leave a messagepod.com and you can also buy text me never sent. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Thank you.

Every little helps, girls. We let's get to the bestsellers, Amazon bestsellers. Come on. Woo! And everyone say well done to you for writing an amazing book. Thank you guys. See you next week. Bye!