Leave A Message with Ally & G - I’m in Love With a Man Who Doesn’t Know We’re Dating & My BF Needs To Quit…

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

G has been to see a psychic and apparently the love of her life is a cowboy… YEE-HAW, we guess! Meanwhile, Ally has some serious beef with Coachella being compared to Glasto. PLUS, one Gally is fully in an imaginationship with an Australian guy who doesn’t even know he’s her boyfriend, and another is wondering if it’s time to call it quits with her man who simply cannot put the cigs down.FANCY SENDING A VOICENOTE/MESSAGE GALLY? Send your voice note to: https://wa.me/message/UH4DASEKPFQBA1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Oh, and don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details!)OR, you can write us email an on [e-mail] us at @leaveamessagepodcast on socials!Listen every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ali and G will be here in just a moment with all the tea. You can watch this episode too, you know. Just search for leave a message on YouTube to catch up on everything, including the latest from G's dating life. In their recent episode, they dive into a passionate debate about sex scenes in films, and honestly, they've got a good point. Subscribe to leave a message on YouTube and turn on notifications so you never miss a new episode. Hello!

You've reached, leave a message with me, Ali. And me, G. This is a podcast where we help the galleys in need. Whether you don't know who should make the cut for your wedding guest list. Or you need a lesson in making it rain. This is the podcast for you. Welcome, everyone. Now, I can see here in general update.

Because I know that everyone... Because it's a formatted podcast. Everyone will be gagging to know how Liz the psychic was. We've got... Sadly, a lot of it has to be secret. Don't worry. The main thing that people want... want to know about is my husband.

Yes. Liz says, okay guys, let me set the scene. So Liz is a Scottish woman. Yeah. She does wear glasses. She does. Yes. And she, as Al says, speaks to spirit guides.

Anyway, I asked her about Liz. I was saying, Liz, it's hard out there. I'm in the trenches of this dating world. Am I going to meet the love of my life anytime soon? And she kind of just like looks off into the distance. and she's looking kind of whimsical, and then she goes, ha ha, like laughs. I'm like, what's funny, Liz?

What could be funny about the love of my life? She goes, now, I don't think it's fancy dress, but it's making me laugh. I was like, right, she was like, he'd fit right at home in Yellowstone. He looks like a cowboy. I'm just seeing a cowboy, and I'm like a cowboy.

I don't listen. She's showing you something that hasn't yet presented itself. Also, the context of me is that I'm a country music fan. Yes. I love Chris Staplesome. I love Luke. But you are. You are, actually, can I just pull you up here?

If you were a true country fan, you would have watched Yellowstone. You would. Did they sing in that? No, did I watch Nashville? Yes. It is full cowboys. But six seasons of just cowboys. But like country music.

sick. There is some singing, no, not. There's not really like... I'm not saying I want to go and live on a ranch. I'm saying I like to stay, too... Got it. You know, I think I'm in love with you. No, but you do fancy cowboys. I do. I do find that aesthetic attractive. Because like, everyone used to say about my ex, like, oh, does it not like bother you that, like, he only wears plaid? I was like, no sexy. Carhart, sexy. I don't know that. I can't be doing it. Plad is, that's a no from me. I honestly, I'm really realizing about myself. I'm not asked. Like, stuff like that. You know, some girls, like, really need a boy to have, like, like, good, family. fashion sense to fancy that. Yes. Okay, no, to be fair, that's fine. Wrap it up as it comes.

Plaid is where I draw the line. Plad, I like, I think plaid sexy. When my ex used to drive in that pickup truck and he would wear plaid, sign me up. But do you think it's contextual? Because if he was wearing plaid in central London and he's like, do you know what I mean? He would wear his architects. Yeah, and that's, waterproof. And his Oakley's. Yeah, that's, that is a no for me. I just like authenticity. If that's how you see it. Fair. In Soho. Fair. Fine. Whatever. Any. Anyway, so that's the context. So it's not crazy that I would like, you know, fall in love with a cowboy. No.

Where am I meeting him? Then she was like, now he's really giving America like Texas, but I don't think you're meeting him in America. She was like, I think there's a big. Thank God. Because, you know, she can't be a nightmare. A nightmare. I can't be meeting someone. In the love of your life.

No, that wouldn't. Sorry. He's going to have to be the unlove of your life. Yes. He's going to have to be like a fling of my life. Yes. The great fling of my life. Which actually, to be fair, shagging a cowboy in Nashville would be the great.

Flink of your life. Yeah. She said there's a big event and then she had like a creative event. And then I thought, creator event. Well, we go to a lot of creative events. So it makes sense. And she was like, but I don't think it's fancy dress. I think this is authentic to him.

His cowboy hat, his cowboy look. That's awful. Wait, do you know what we're all said? I know what all you said. I said that it's Mars. Yeah. I literally was like, oh my God. No, because then she said I've never met him before.

He's a new energy. Got it. She said, I'm six foot and I'm looking up at him. Tick! And she said, I don't, I think you meet in the real world. But even if you decide not to go to an event for the rest of the year, he will find you. This connection is strong. I'm like, Liz, you what?

Really? So anyway, like, you just have to take Liz with a pinch of salt. And as Al says, you just have to like, just, you can't live. I can't look for the cowboys. You can't look for them. Because normally what happens is you just live your life and then suddenly you're like, oh, wait. maybe it's this or maybe or you'll get to December and you'll be like wait maybe it was I don't know I just with all of these things now you just have to let it sit and let it be and let the universe take its course the main thing that was Liz didn't look at me as if because I've seen a psychic before and I actually don't know whether I've like trauma blocked this because my mum remembers it but he said to me that do you remember I was with my ex at the time and he said to me that I wouldn't be married until like my late 30s oh yeah I do you I do Do you remember this?

But that came from your dead nan, that information. I don't know how wrong she is. Yeah, because I also don't know whether she was just kind of like, you're living. Yeah. You'll never be married. Do you know what I mean? Like that, my nan would have said something like that. Because Liz isn't speaking to dead people.

She's been into your guides. And in my opinion, they're much more reliable. Yes. Because you don't know what vengeance. No. You're dead now wants to take on you. Well, no, because she was very, you know, she was, you know, a good Christian woman. so she wouldn't like me out on these streets,

sleeping with men on first dates. That's not how you do it. And nor do I. Okay, I just want to put my line in. I'm a good, I'm a good Christian girl. I am a good Christian girl. I am a good Christian. Well, I'm living, I'm living unmarried with my partner, which is not Christian of me.

No, absolutely not. Anyway, can't wait to meet your husband. So I, the main takeaway was that Liz didn't look at me like, it's never going to happen. Do you know what I mean? She couldn't say that. I mean, I'm shocked that that guy said that to you, because normally they don't deliver news like that.

Deliverlessly, he delivered the news. Normally they don't say stuff like that. It's going to take you a minute. Then obviously because I was with my ex at the time, I was panic city because I was like, wait, what? Why would that be the case if I'm going to be with him? But did you know inside you weren't going to be with him? Because I think this is...

I don't think at that time I did. I genuinely don't at that time. Really? He loved him. Wait, when was that though? When I was in Fuller. Oh, right. Okay.

Early doors. We only been together like... Okay. I'm nothing if not naive and her. hopeful in love. I've got to really rain it in. You should have seen me after that day. I'm just like, oh my brother. No, she's, no, but it's like, it's like you spiral. It's like you're like, but like, into like, I don't spiral into like, like, I spiral into just like, like, love. I know, but I also think that's also setting up for failure. Sure.

Because it's like, you know, I think you can be too cautious and then I think you can be whatever you are. Oh yeah, I'm at like one end of a spectrum. Yeah. And there's another end of the spectrum that I sit. Yes. And then I, somewhere in the middle there. And then I, I, There are people out there who are sitting in the middle. Who just date like normal people. Yeah. And just take people at phase value and like go day by day. Imagine.

Yeah. I've got a day tomorrow with a stranger. Guys, this is crazy. Is he a stranger? Yes. I literally know. Oh yes. Sorry.

Nothing. This is so random. So basically I went out on Good Friday. Because Jesus is risen. No, Jesus didn't ride or rise on Good Friday. Jesus died. On Good Friday. I was in mourning.

So I went out. And it was in. a very busy pub and I needed a table for the gang. The gang were out. I thought everyone needs a table. I'm scanning. I really think this is a skill of mine finding tables in busy places. Anyway, I see this guy and I think he's twitching. He's getting his coat on. He's getting ready to leave. So I just hover up to him and I just say, go on. No, I was going to say the other reason that gee is good at this and that I'm not, for example, is because she's like so nice. You would be like, Are you leaving?

Is this seat taken? Yeah. And I'm like, hi, so sorry to interrupt your evening. Are you going soon? And he was like, oh, we're just going to finish our drinks, but why don't you just sit? Then the table's yours. I was like, great. So then I sit.

I'm really babbed at this point. Binned, as we would say. Pardon me, binned. So this is another thing. I can't quite remember. Like, I know now what he looks like from his WhatsApp picture, but I can't like imagine him in his entirety. I don't know. Oh my God.

That is too funny. I don't know if he's tall. I don't know if you get there and he looks completely different to what you remember. I could imagine that, yeah. I was a lot of margarita's deep. All I know is he had really blue eyes.

But he looked a bit like, he looked like Jesus actually. I was mourning the loss of Jesus and I met Jesus. He has long, dark, I think curly hair, I think. Bright blue eyes. Maybe some kind of facial hair tash situation. Oh, he is Jesus. I think he's Jesus.

Right. So anyway, we're chat, chat, chatting. and then just like normal chat about what he's doing and what he does for work and then I say to him so what would you cook for someone to like impress them I don't really know I'm flirting I wasn't really meant to be flirting

I just wanted the table I was just chatting and then he was like it depends is it dinner or breakfast and I was like I guess you'd only get to breakfast if dinner was good and he was like well why don't you let me cook for you and you can find out

and I was like okay then he was like can I have your number and I was like yeah okay so then give him my number he leaves with his friends

I really don't remember like I don't really remember anything else other than that then anyway he texts me that night to be like you still out and I replied really drunk me like

no no no go on anyway then he was like I would really like to take you out so now we're going for a drink to where are you going to a pub in Notting Hill Slay fingers crossed he's wearing a cowboy hat

Imagine Jesus doesn't my cowboy hats No, he'll come in flip-flops. Also a sleigh. Love? I wouldn't care about a flip-flops. Flip-flops in Notting Hill in April. Yeah, that would be an issue for me.

Wouldn't you just think? That's so cool. But you thought it was okay to do that. Oh, your shoes. Sir. First thing I've got to say to you, sir, is wearing your shoes. You'd be like, I'm wearing them, flip-lops or shoes. That would be an issue for me, yeah.

What do you? Mainly because I hate feet. I really, I have a thing about feet. I really, really find feet. I love feet. I think they're fine. I don't like feet. Oh, I don't like feet.

I only like your feet if I know you. Like, I can acclimatize to your feet. Yeah, so you need to keep them hidden. Yeah, like, if I just saw, like, I think this in summer on the tube all the time. Why is everyone's, like, toes looking at me? Well, like, one night stand. Would you rather they wore socks? No, no, obviously not.

But, like, if we're going to go for a drink, I don't need to sit there looking at your feet the whole time. Yeah, I've never experienced that. Well, let's see. If he's wearing flip. Oh, it could be a Birkenstock. Burk and stock is okay. Come on. Yeah, Birkenstock is okay.

Sexy. Toes are covered. I don't mind that. What if we have nothing in common? I know nothing about it. What will I talk about? Then you just leave. You just have one drink.

I've got to go. Yeah, yeah, you just have like one drink and then you say, I'm so sorry. I don't know. It's at the time. Eight o'clock. Must go home to my bed. Yeah. You just have, we'll just have to think of a pre-excus if you need to leave.

Okay. You never know. I'm not very good at leaving. Well, but if he's boring. If he's boring, I'm going to have to find a way to get out of there. Yeah. Sometimes it does just come to an end and you get to the point where you can tell no one wants another drink. Do you know what I mean?

Yes. So then it's just like best be on my way. Yes. Maybe we'll eat. He's a chef. Maybe I'll have dinner and breakfast made for me. Who knows? Double date this week.

I know. I've really committed myself to dating again. Well done, babe. It's hard out there. It really is. It's hard. It's hard. I know.

Even now, I'm like, I was looking on Hinge just to see. No, because you're not doing, guys. Ali does my hit. I am the best. What do you call it, Hadman? Girl, you'll ever meet. If you need a friend, call me. I actually am good at responding to the prompts.

Because I do think a lot of this hing stuff, like my issue with Hinge is that like, it's forcing you to give answers that you wouldn't ever give in real life. Yeah, it's a bit of inauthent. So I'm like, everyone's trying to be funny or everyone's trying to get a quick quip in or like, it's just boring. Yeah. So, you know, but that is the game. So you've got to play the game. Play the game.

And you can't be asking like, hey, how are you? Like, boring. Like, you've got to be. I hate that. I hate that. Puts me right off someone. They're like boring. I think, I make an effort.

Yes. Come on. Yes. I also, for boys, I hate when their first picture is a group photo. I need to see you. I find that irritating. I don't know why I find that annoying. But then I think this about boys in general.

I'm sure boys think this about girls because I've actually done this in the past where I've, one of Holly's really good friends is, he's not single anymore actually, but once he went through my hinge and was like, don't like this, different picture here. Yeah, oh yeah, because boys see it so differently. So differently. And then I looked at his and I was like, absolutely not. Move this. That's an awful picture.

That's why when boys break up with their girlfriends, you know all of their pictures will be pictures that you took of him. Yes. You knew what made him look good because you wanted your boyfriend to look good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And then suddenly their hinges curated masterfully. And then they move on.

Well, you had a crazy weekend. Did I? Dating, but you were out and about. I was out and about. You were in and out and out and up and down. Couldn't keep a good girl down. I went to dinner on Friday. Then I went to a 30th and I arrived at the 30th at like 10pm.

And I hate to be this person because I am young and fun when I want to be. But Friday was not one of those days. No, all young and fun within the car. comfort of your own home. In the comfort of home home, you stay up until 2am, easy, no business. True. You don't even blink. No, but I also love a night out, but I don't like it.

Like, I'd gone for dinner. Yeah. You know when you're like in the dinner mindset and then you've got to switch to like, yeah. And then now I'm full. I hate going out after you've had a big meal. Yeah. I just feel like full.

It's awful. Yeah. Anyway, they were back to back so I had no choice. Yeah. Then Saturday went to Moulon Rouge with my mom, which I would 10 out of time recommend if you're in London. If you come like down for a day or whatever. If you're looking for something to do, it was like just amazing.

Did they sing any out on John? Isn't your song? Yes, they did. They did say your, yeah, your song. What song? And then I always find this in the theatre though. I like every character apart from the lead man. I don't like the love interest.

They're always soppy. Why they always... Are you thinking about Kinky Boots? No, I'm thinking about Moulon Rouge as well. Are you thinking about Matt Cardo? Yeah, Matt Cardo also did that to me, yeah. No defamation to Matt Carle. And the guy in, the guy in Mulan Rouge, listen, he's incredibly talented.

But he is in the film. You and McGregor's a bit. I always have that. I can't really get behind. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with this lip-loss look like, I'm so piling it on. I can't, I just can't get behind. Like, they're so unflored those characters. Yeah. They've got no 3D.

Or they're too flawed and they do stupid, stupid things again and again and again. And she still takes him back. Yeah. That happens a lot in musicals. I think he's been useless, sis. Yeah. I always root for the villain in a movie. musical. I don't know why.

Oh. Says a lot about you. Well, usually because their costumes are fabulous. True. They always have the best numbers. Yes. And they're usually quite fit. The guy that played the Duke in Moulin Rouge was the fittest man on that stage by a while.

Same as Gaston. Yes. No, 100. I always think Gaston, sexy. Yes. I know you should pick the beast. No, but you're meant to pick the lover. Yes. The innocent, pure man and I just never pick him.

I just can't get behind him. Yes. Anyway, that was that. On Sunday I went to the Chelsea game, Chelsea Man City, walked there and back with the Rort was actually really nice. Because what's happening on the Fulham Bridge? Oh, no. It's on Albert Bridge, babe.

Albert Bridge. You know why? Why? I found cracks. Roddy L. So no cars allowed because it's at risk of falling. Yeah. Same as Hammersmith.

Yeah. And it's, we famously know, hard to fix. Yes. Because Hammersmith Bridge has been closed for years. Years. is. Yeah. Val explained on my bike ride home

where I couldn't go across the three. Yeah, but you can bike across it. You just can't drive. No, I couldn't. He wouldn't let anyone throw. I'd to go on a other one. Maybe the cracks were particularly bad that day. Perhaps the cracks were bad.

Or perhaps they were doing the work. True. You obviously can't be riding on it if the work is happening. And then, sorry, I just have to tell you what happened to me just now this morning. Stop. This morning, you've lived alive. Get on the tube.

Yeah. And sit down feeling like, you know, shades on, don't like, you know, blocking the world out. Yeah. Anyway, I was on the tube for quite a long time with the same guy opposite me. I was in my own while I completely did not like just register anything. And just before he was about to get off, he was like, I just want to say, I love your outfit.

This is the coolest outfit I've ever seen. And I was like, oh, thanks. I felt so minging when I left the house this morning because my, I was telling him, my life. My period's coming. He was leaving the tube. Was he trying to hit on you and you don't know your period? No, no, no. And then he goes, and I love your videos.

I watch every single one. I love you and G so much. And then he says, I met Raw in The Swan a couple of weeks ago. Oh, my God. Shut up. He is the one from the Swan. He is the one. And I literally, I'm a foot tube full of people.

I was like, oh my God. You're the guy from the Swan. Yeah. And he was like, he was so lovely. Well done, Roar. Good Roar. Are you sure? Because he was off his head.

He was bin. He was binned. Famously binned. And he was like, yeah. And I said, what's your name? And he said, Theo. And I said, I do remember we're all telling me that your name was Theo. Really?

Yes. And what are the chances? Is Theo following us? Yeah. I know. And that's what I said. What are the chances of you seeing me in the space of three weeks? As if, also sweet that he went in with the compliment for us.

I know. I thought that was really lovely. Well done for being nice, sis. And then. Because he didn't give you a chance there. No, he could have caught you on the wrong off. If you'd have started with, I like your videos you'd have been on. He went in with the Alps.

Outfit compliment. Like, thanks. I did think that originally, I thought, are we going to sit here until you get off and you're just going to talk to me about my outfit? Do you want to know the deeds? And then he was like, can you do your, can you do a video for my friend Tia?

So there he was. No, babe. With his Snapchat. I had my big stupid Balenciarch of bug glasses on. It's just. It's really good. Anyway, that was my morning. Oh, love Theo.

Love Theo. Love Theo. Thank you for saying hello and for being such a fucking hon. What a king. What a king. I can't believe. That is just too weird. Rory's number one fan. Oh, funny. Okay, well, join us in part two for your galley messages. All right, Galley's, welcome back. We better call the galleys Theo. Yes, I think we should. Theo. Okay, let's hear our first voice note. Hi, galleys, love the podcast and I'm so glad you exist because I don't know where else to turn. But basically, I need your help getting out of this weird imagination ship I have with the sky.

We hate this. So basically, like, months and months ago in October. I slept with this guy who was Australian and he was in the UK for like two weeks and he was basically like family friends of the people I work for. So I was seeing him every day at work and I ended up giving him a little tour around London. And then on his last day in the UK we ended up hooking up. And ever since then, we've like kept in touch speaking every day, messaging back and forth, speaking on the phone. And I've actually booked tickets to go and visit him in a few months in Australia. I'm dead. Oh my God.

I have like really formed this obsession with him, like this imagination ship. And he's made it very clear that nothing's going to happen when I go, stay with him. And I tried to like, tried to get over him. Like I dated a guy for a few months, but like didn't really go anywhere. And today the Australian guy messaged me and said he was planning on dating, going on a date with someone. And he'd be messaging them. And my heart literally dropped. Like, I don't know why I have formed this like fantasy in my head about us.

And he literally lives like on the other side of the world. And normally I would just be like, right, I just need to move on, like, cut him off. But I can't do that because I'm literally staying with him for two weeks. Dead. Sorry. This is what. But I really need advice on how to get over him and, like, move on because I can't keep living living in this delusional state of mind. It's affecting me. And I think I'm just going to have a hot girl summer to do a little bit of solo traveling around Australia and it'll be really fun. But I do need help on how to go over this guy who's living

in my mind and rent free. Thank you. Love you so much and love for podcasts. Love you. well okay we've all been there we have all had one of these yes I was thinking about it this morning actually because I was thinking about like why is it so easy for them to become like this mythical figure

yes and they like literally they transcend reality and I even have it like now I could go on one date with someone and like I don't know I'll chat with you afterwards and you'll be asking me about the facts I can't really remember the facts because they've already like transcended that in my mind because I'm thinking about like the prospect of it, the opportunity, the excitement around it. And I know that I, it's like I'm working in marketing and I'm packaging them. It's like I'm doing their PR.

I'm like making them better to myself. Well, baby, maybe this is a good voice note to also hold a mirror up to yourself. Amen. It is. Because I think, listen, I actually hate to be this person. I wish I wasn't this person that is so bogged down in reality and like, you know, so hardened and weathered by the world. Someone's got to be. Alas, here I am.

Alas. That's me to my fucking call. So. And hardened. Weathered and hardened. A callous heart. True. My heart is so callous.

Fuck me. I could do with some blisterplasters on my heart. Little bit of gasoline on the heart. Literally. Okay, I think the way to not do that is, well, first of all, I just want to remind you, babe, Australia is so fucking far away. Oh my God.

Like, if he was in Lisbon, I'd say you've got a major issue on your hands. Yeah, like, if it was like kind of like manageable long distance. If he was in Paris, you could be there in two hours. Yeah, if it was Euro starbiz. This is nothing of the fucking sort. Australia is a day, a one. I'll tell you what you need to do, sis. Fly Turkish airlines to Australia

because that will put you right off. Take the longest route you can possibly take. Get a train. Because honestly, you'll think, I can't. I can't possibly. I'm really concerned for her that she's going to go to Australia. Everything's better in Australia.

My tits were bigger in Australia. Oh, 100%. The sun is shining in Australia. What the fuck was that? I was upside down. My tits were bigger. I don't know. What happened?

I had many boob job allegations in Australia. They have since. deflated again because I'm back in London and I'm the right way up. Yeah. But like you'll sleep better. Everything is better. The food is good. The people are so fucking nice.

You're in a world of pain. So what I'm going to say to you is I want you to buckle up for two weeks of anguish. I don't think you should be staying with it. I wouldn't stay. If I were you, I would just change your plan because I don't think. Especially if he's dating other people. Basically, there's one recipe. There's one way this ends and it's you being hurt.

And it's bad. And there is just no other outcome because I know you want to believe that he's going to change. This is why I think, and I think that you do this as well, you see like the best in people and you truly believe that like they might come around or that you might, you know, be enough for them to change their minds. It's actually not about you. Sometimes they're just like, you know, it's just. it's not that you're not enough. It's just that there, it's actually got nothing to do with you.

It's like they're on their own journey and until they're ready, it's not going to change. So I think staying with him is going to really exacerbate this whole thing because you've built up this fantasy that just does not match the reality. I mean,

dream world is that he's a nightmare to live with. If you stay. No, but the problem is she won't see that because she's built up this family. He won't put the loose seat down or something. and she'll really like, oh, but like, you know, you just find a way to like make that cute in your fantasy. Well, it's really hard as well because yearning is really tempting.

Like, that's why we loved Wuthering Heights. That's why we like all of those period dramas because yearning is sexy. Like, there is something kind of like, you know, intoxicating even about unrequited love. Because actually, if your fiction happens and they turn around and decide to love you, it's almost better than if they just wanted you straight away because you've lusted after it and you've yearned for it. But I think what we need to do, and I say we, because I'm with you, sister, I do this all the time,

is we need to live in fact, not fiction. And every time you have some kind of, you know, dalliance with a daydream, you just need to think, is that factual fiction? Good. And if it's fiction, leave it for the storybooks, leave it for Wuthering Heights, leave it for the cinema. If it's fact, fine.

Like if he gives you cues, fine. But his cues aren't, I'm dating other people. He's not. He's not giving you the fact that says he's moving on. He probably just doesn't want to be with an English girl full stop because he's like nightmare, trans, like whatever. I'm not, you know, doing that. And even though it's tempting to be like, but we can defy gravity. You can't. Don't.

You know? We don't need to see pigs fly. Keep the pigs on the ground. Well, also pigs won't fly. It will just end in heartbreak for you because he's clearly, he. is not on that level of, you know, fictional romance that you're on. So he can not take or leave, but like he's living his life regardless and you're stuck. Because also, in my experience, boys, maybe not all boys, but I think they are a little better at compartmentalising.

Yeah, I would say all boys. And it's like if you're not in front of me, you know, like, I don't think they allow themselves to do what we do where we like ruminate. I don't even think they have the capability to. I genuinely don't. I genuinely don't think. That's why they use porn. Sometimes we just use our own imagination. They just don't.

They all watch porn. Like, do you know what I mean? So I just think like, if you can think about him not allowing himself to do it and then feel like, okay, well, it's going to benefit me to do the same, maybe when you're out there, say, hey, any fit single friends? Because famously the best way to get over someone. My other hack, you're going to be in Australia for a long time since. Do you know how many fit men there are in Australia?

I forgot that I fancied men until I went to Australia No no no Also I wouldn't worry about This is what I mean If you can just unhitch yourself from his wagon Oh yes There are thousands of wagons You're hit you on to Australia

Bigger wagons Like sexy more wagons I mean I'm not joking guys You literally can't walk down the street Without being tempted to hitch your wagon Oh my God I could have hitched my wagon So many times

But you can only do that and see that if you decide actively. Like it's almost like a tick. Like it's always, you have to think of it like smoking. Yes. Like every time Because it's a drug. Oh, and also it's too easy.

It's the best drug there is. It helps you fall asleep. Oh yeah. On the tube you can be in a day. Like you have to genuinely be that harsh on yourself to be like, like force yourself to think about something else. Or scroll on your phone.

Yeah. Or just do something else that switch like otherwise it's automatic. You need to switch off the automation of it. Sometimes what I do, because I love to daydream. Like, I love a fantasy. Like, I love to live within, like, a fantasy world. Sometimes if I slip and I'm, like, dreaming about, like, you know,

that one boy I went on a date with once or, like, you know, getting back with my ex, whatever it is, I switch it to, like, work. So then I, like, dream about, like, something like us going on stage and doing something. So if you have something outside of, like, you know, when you think of all your pillars of life, it could be a girl's holiday. It could be your next promotion. It could be buying yourself something. Like, do you know what I mean?

Like, slip the daydream of something beneficial. Yes. Yes. Yeah. The other thing I just want to say is that a lot of this, and I would say this to you too, is that I'm getting a lot of heat. It was not my voice note. Misdirected heat.

Go on. No, go on. No, go on. That I think a lot of this hinges, like, all of these, okay, it's different in this situation because you've got an actual person. Like there you had a connection And it's happening now You're not dayduring about

Jering You're not daydreaming about something That happened before And that you can't get back You're daydreaming about something That's happening now You're giving them all the power Because what you're really learning for

Is for them to choose you Amen Fuck that Since when did we start sitting around Waiting for them to pick us You get to pick them And also I do think a lot of the daydreaming, by the way, I do this too, maybe in a, like, you know, not obviously about boys, but like when you, in your daydream, you gloss all the bullshit over. True.

Don't do that because then you're, what you're actually tricking your mind into thinking is like, this perfect person that doesn't exist is going to pick me. All of those things are wrong. They're not perfect. They've got many flaws and you've literally just erased them in your mind. and you're not going to sit around and wait for anyone to pick you. Well, also, it's not actually just a single girl problem because we can all imagine greener grass, then that's what we're really doing.

We're like just thinking of like a greener patch of grass. And it's like we all know that your grass is green where you water it and he's not here to water. True, good. So find someone else to water. Water yourself. Yeah. Seriously.

Yeah. Water yourself. Okay, it's now time for an email. Whoop, whoop. Hi, galleys. I've been with my boyfriend two years, and we keep having the same argument about smoking. Oh, no.

He quit before we met, but still smokes occasionally with friends, and more recently, his brother, who's a heavy smoker. After a few promises to stop and breaking them, he now smokes a couple of times a week when visiting family. He's open about it, but it's causing constant tension between us.

I really hate smoking due to my family experiences, so even just a few cigarettes feel triggering. He says it's not a big deal, but to me it is, and I worry it could escalate. I've even suggested vaping, but he says he'd overdo that too. Aside from this, our relationship is amazing,

which makes it harder. I don't think it's worth ending things over, but I'm struggling to accept it. And the more I push, the more he resists. Any advice on how to make peace with this be brutal? Well. Oh my gosh, that's really tricky. Everyone needs to see.

Gee's written, it's drawn a nice little singing. I was just dreaming about it then. It's really difficult because, I'm trying to think if I have... We need to preface this by saying smoking is bad. Oh, smoking is bad. Vaping is fucking bad. Awful.

Vaping is arguably worse. Yeah. Because you can do it inside and you can do it all the time. It's really hard as well with things like this where it's like a vice and it's something that like is maybe like his, I don't know, his reason for feeling the need to smoke. Like I don't know, like when he reaches for the cigarette, I don't know if it's social. I don't know if it's light touch. I don't know if he's currently containing his identity.

addiction that could become like bigger and get out of control again. So it's it's difficult to know. And it's also difficult because everyone has different non-negotiables. Like for me, that wouldn't be a non-negotiable. And like my dad was, you know, he had throat and mouth cancer. He had his tongue cut out because he smoked so much. And like if anyone shouldn't pick up a cigarette, it would be me. See me in a smoking hour on the Saturday night. You know what I mean? So like I all, I understand the I understand the links to feeling like it's to do with so much more than just the habit of smoking and it's to do with like health and loving someone and wanting them to be well. But I think it's really hard to stop that from bothering you if it's a bit of a non-negotiable for you.

And then it comes down to the thing of like, okay, once you've explained a non-negotiable to your partner, whether they understand it or not, them not doing it. it does become a bit of a fuck you, to you. And that's really difficult to get over. Like, understanding why is smoking so important to you when I've explained that to me, it could be anything. Like, I can't think of an example right now for me that would be bad enough, that it would be non-negotiable.

Listen, I think there are some things that you can expect someone. Oh, maybe it's not different. I don't know. I think there are some things that you can expect someone to change. change about themselves for you. But it depends like, quitting smoking is not easy. True. So like it's not like, click your fingers done.

Yeah. I think that there, I don't know, it depends what he says. If he's like, no way I'm not even going to try or I'm not going to, because the thing is I basically think what you're saying is, even if he smoked once a week on a night out, that still wouldn't be okay for you. And to me, I'm not a smoker, but I'm just taking this as an example of something that he has compromised on. If he is having four a day, five a day, and he's only now going to do it when he goes out. Yeah. That's me.

Like, I would see that as him trying to meet you halfway. So it depends basically how far you want to push it. Because if it's something that you're like, I can't, like, you know, I don't want to be, I don't want you to touch a cigarette for the rest of your life. It's got to be cold turkey, like zero. then I think you're going to have a problem. Yeah. Because that's also not compromise. It's not compromise.

That's you getting your way. So I think everything in a relationship is about compromise. And I think if you, there's a halfway house to be met, I think. Also, I wonder if you could think about something. Okay, this is a good example that would be like my kind of equivalent. Say if there's something that you love or enjoy, that is technically bad for you and he wanted you to stop it,

would you be able to? For example, if my partner said to me, I think Botox is toxic and I think putting it in your body is like really bad for you. I would not be with that person. I would,

I genuinely would struggle to have that choice taken away from me. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying is that like I don't think it's fair. Really. This is what I'm saying about those are choices that individuals make.

Whereas like, I don't know, not communicating. when you're in a night out that you're safe. Something like that. Sending a text when you go home. That's different because that does directly affect you. Yeah. But we live in a, you know, we live in a world where we're all making our individual choices.

And I, that's what I was saying about like, don't get me wrong, smoking is horrible for you, but it is his choice. And it is his body. Having an abortion is my choice. Like, it's all the same thing, to be honest with you. And so your compromise on Botox could be, I would never compromise. That's my point. That's why I'm saying, like, I have.

sympathy for him in this situation because in his mind he has because he's not a smoker anymore and he's doing it whenever just a few cigarettes what does he what does she say he now smokes a couple of times a week maybe there are things as well that you can do that's like

that help you like for example if he's like going around to his family you know he's going to have a few six he makes sure that he's like wash his hands brush his teeth I was just about to say so like you don't really like no so then it doesn't have to be a recurrent argument of you like nagging him being like you've had a cigarette.

I was just about to say I think maybe one of the things that could be an easy fix here is the lingering smell. Ask him to find a way to eliminate that completely. Yes. Have yours, do whatever you want. Carry mint. Carry, do you know what I mean? Like just make sure that I can't smell it on you as a starting point.

Also I think it's good that he's like, I don't know. I think it's like a bit of a green flag the way that he's kind of like he's not doing it in secret. He's not said to you, yeah, I've quit, I don't smoke anymore. And then he is like going and having like three cigarettes. Like the fact that you know about it, I actually think is a good thing because it means that he's like trying and he's found his kind of like sustainable like I kind of need this. And also, trust me a vape would annoy you more because he would suck on it like a dummy inside. It would be a nightmare. Vaping is not the answer. I agree. I don't think. Yeah, I don't know. I just think. So he has to want to quit for himself.

Oh, I say this. This is like that. This is like. like, we're in the gym. You can't do it for someone else. I can want you to go to the gym. No, no, no, as in like, you know, I can want those things for you. Yes. Until you decide you want to get in shape. You can't. There is nothing you can do. Also, you shouldn't, like, it should never be for someone else because it won't last. It will last, like, two seconds. For example, I don't know, this is a bit far-fetched.

You might have children, and that might be enough to make him stop. I don't know what that reason in him will be, but it has to come. Otherwise, it is just you kind of, like, forcing something on him. I do also think, sorry to say this, because I am this person. the more you say it, the less he'll listen. I know. It is. And the more he'll hide.

Because it'll just be like, oh, I can't be asked for the argument again. Yeah. So yeah, I'm going to have a SIG, you know, at work and hopefully you'll never know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Sorry, we have been a bit brutal, I think, babes. But hopefully that helps. Babes is a only thing, babes.

It's Holly. Guys, Holly is saying babes and I can't stop putting an ass on the end of babe. As well, like, if there are things that you can identify in yourself that you're choosing to do that maybe, I don't know, not necessarily him, but like other people might have an issue with. Botox is a good example of that. Think about how you would feel if someone asked you to compromise

on those choices that you make. Eating meat. Good. Someone could be like, I think that's really bad for you. I think it causes cancer. Like, do you know what I mean? If you're destroying the world, la la la la. I would struggle now to give up, you know,

a nice rabbi. I would struggle. I would just struggle to... But I wouldn't eat it around them. So that is kind of the same thing. He's kind of made that compromise. But like in my own time, when I fancied it, I probably would eat meat. It's like if you were going out with an alcoholic, you just wouldn't drink around them.

Obviously you would just... You might like a glass of wine with your girlies every now and again. That's loud. Also, I just like, I'm really picking up on the fact that you're saying, like, this is mainly the argument that you have and everything else in your relationship is good. I don't, like, from experience and from dealing with all... of the like, you know, compromises that come in a relationship, I think this is pretty good. I agree. As things, as fundamental values go, I agree. I think it's okay that occasionally he likes a sick unless it's not. Then you have to stop hanging him, you have to leave him. Basically, yeah,

you have to decide how important that is to you. Yeah. Because you can't change it. If he's going to, he's going to do what he's going to do. So you have to decide. Like, I think if he was still smoking 20 a day, that would be a bit of like, I'm not asked by what you think. After a few promises to stop, Pinaresmates a couple of times a week when visiting family. I think that's quite good. I agree. I'm sorry. God, we're never on the boyfriend's side. Okay, it is time for

the galley gossip. It's time for the galley gossip. Okay, this is where the galley's can write in. You can DM us. You can WhatsApp us. You can email us. You can voice know. This is just, you know, a little bit of a girl gossip.

Amen. Nothing serious happens. here. We've had a voice note from Haley, who is bringing the desert vibes with this Coachella question. Okay. Hello, beautiful ladies. This is Haley, your podcast listener from America. Happy Coachella Month. So excited to see all the Instagram and TikTok posts about Coachella, the outfits, the food, the shows. So excited to watch all the live streams to see Sabrina Carpenter and Justin Bieber. My question is for both of you. If you guys had the opportunity to go to Coachella, what would your guys' outfit themes would be? Would you guys go matching or would you guys do something extravagant? I would love to know

the next podcast. Love you, bye. Oh, Haley! I love you. Obsessed with you. Um, guys, you know, I was just thinking about this. Obviously, all weekend I was thinking, what would we be wearing? How swamped have we been of Coachella? It is a bit fomo inducing, isn't it? I was like, I can't look anymore. Do you know it's a 1am curfew? You have to leave by... Perfect. Coachella, like...

Okay, loads of people give Coachella beef because they're like, no, it's just a posy, like influencer, like boring, no vibes. Glass and Bree could never. But... It's the truth. That is the truth. Because we do do festivals differently.

Obviously. We made a different stuff. Yeah. We're feral. Yeah. Put us in a field with some mud, some booze and some music. We're feral. Animals.

But there are parts of Coachella that take away the parts of festivals that I don't like. For example, no one camps. Not true. Everyone camps in their car. Do they? Yeah, babe. Yeah, but there's no tents.

Yeah? Have you not seen it? Is there hoses on the side of fences? Have you not seen the car camping videos, babe? Really? It's not. It's not. It's not, it's not. Well, it's kind of like, it's just they attach it to their car.

Fine. But it's not, listen, they're not, it's not like a fucking two-person technical. You're not. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not.

You're not. No, you're not. One am curfew? Heaven. No, I'm sorry. I, listen, I'm a boring. Get it. Maybe you go to an after party.

Okay, that one I can get behind. You leave the desert. You've got to the after party. I can get behind that. You go to Bebichella after party. Okay, true. I could get behind that. Anyway, I just think you have to look at Coachella

as a different kind of festival. Don't go expecting, you know, how to... I totally agree. Glastow is magic for what it is. Coachella is magic for what. They're different. It's like Ali and G. We're different, but magic.

Amen. It is. Anyway, what would we wear? Well, it would obviously be same, same but different. Obviously always. Okay, theme. Well, I was thinking, to be honest, one day I would go a bit more glasto vibes. Love.

Cool. Jorts. I didn't see a single jort. Last year, there were many jorts at Coachella. This year, not so many. I like that. Like, you know, even just like a jort and a bikini top. Yeah.

Old school, like, you know, like old school where there was pictures of like Billy Piper and like Lily Allen at Glastonbury. Like wearing like. Just like kind of did. didn't give a shit. Yeah, like denim and a baggy tea. And like I liked when we wore the like caps with the scarves. Love that. Or like maybe a bandana didn't see many of those.

Like everything was like very pretty this year. And a lot of like desert Paschamines. Did you see that? Bring back the Paschmen. Yeah. I used to have so many Paschmenas but they all had it like rat round. Do you know who Christina Kirkman is? She was my best dress.

Do you know who Christina Kirkman is? She wore like Nike sweat like joggers with like big chunky blue Nike joggers and then this like really fun sequin green top. And I thought sleigh. Yes. Cap, loads of jewelry. Cool. Really cool.

Understated. Yes. I wouldn't be going. I wouldn't be going, you know. I wouldn't be going fairy. No. I wouldn't do fairy. Because I do think as well, all of these outfits compromise your ability to dance. And that is what you are there for.

I want to be able to shake my ass. Yes. Haley, I want to shake my ass. What else? Okay, so that would. At leisure. That would be one day. Yeah.

And then what would we have a, oh, I know. This was what I would want to do. I don't know how easy. But like I love the like suede fringing that everyone's got going on. Like just a lot of suede. I would probably do one day like full stage coach vibes like cowgirl. Yeah, that's kind of suede fringing. Yeah.

Like the full hair, the cowboy boot. Yeah. The chaps. Also we'd be packing layers for the evening. We don't like being cold. Yeah. Although we would be in the middle of the crowd. And we obviously would buy much.

So maybe we wouldn't need to bring anything. True. Imagine what people spend on Coachella. I know. It's like thousands and thousands. It's more than glastow because you have to, like, think about how fucking big America is. You have to fly to L.A. It's mad. It's mad. Yeah, anyway, I just know we'd look sleigh. That's all we need to know is that we'd look great.

And maybe next year we'll be there, who knows? Same, same, but different always, obviously. If you want to get involved in next week's galley gossip, send us a DM on Instagram or drop us a comment on YouTube or Spotify to be featured. Please keep them coming. We love them. We really love them. Okay, this is what we loved and didn't love from this episode. Things we loved, Coachella.

Love. Things we didn't love not being a Coachella. Loved. Loved meeting Theo. Love meeting Theo. Love Rory's number one fan. Love the fact that she's going on two dates this week. Love the fact that you can't keep a good girl down.

Love. Love. Love. Love. Compromising in a relationship. Love. I'm not a good compromiser and I have to say I've learned the hard way. Yes.

You must do it. Love Australia. Love Australian wagons. Love like everything about Australia. Love. Other than the fact it's 24 hours away. Didn't love infatuation. Limerence to the extreme.

Didn't love people living, people that don't deserve to be their living rent free in your mind. Don't love. Didn't love. Sorry. Love cowboys. Oh yeah. Love psychics. Love psychics.

Didn't love people comparing Coachella to Glastow. Didn't love. Love the fact that we've got an American listener. Love. Hayley, Slay. Didn't love imagination ships, but do love that turn of phrase. I've never used it before, but I will start to. Imagination ships.

Good. Really good. Let us know what you did and didn't love about today's air by commenting on Spotify, YouTube or wherever you're listening. Sorry. It's... What? One thing we didn't love. Speaking to dead people instead of spirit guides.

Didn't love because they're not as aligned. The dead are not aligned. The dead have bias. Okay? And spirit guys do not have bias. Love Jesus. Love Jesus rising. Love going on a date with Jesus.

Didn't love toes out. Didn't love flipflops on a day. Didn't love flipflops on a day. Love plaid. Okay. If you've got a story or a dilemma that only we can help you with them, please send a voice note to our WhatsApp [phone]

or you can click the link in the episode description and it'll take you right there. You can also send us an email at hello at leave-a-messagepod.com. We'll see you next week. Bye!