Leave A Message with Ally & G - Living With The In-Laws And G Drinks WHAT On A First Date?

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

It’s an exciting week at Leave A Message as G is FINALLY getting back on the horse and going on another date, but what will she drink..? Meanwhile, Ally’s new bag from her boyfriend has immediately been upstaged… by an even sweeter bag she secretly bought herself. Self-love always wins, sorry lads!!Plus, one Gally is feeling the frustrations as her laid-back boyfriend refuses to match her go-getter energy. And another Gally needs some MAJOR advice on how to survive living with her CRAZY in-laws.FANCY SENDING A VOICENOTE/MESSAGE GALLY? Send your voice note to: https://wa.me/message/UH4DASEKPFQBA1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Oh, and don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details!)OR, you can write us email an on [e-mail] us at @leaveamessagepodcast on socials!Listen every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to leave a message with me, Ali. And me, G. This is a podcast where we help the galleys in need. Whether you've got no hope if you ever have to identify your best mate's weenis. Or you've just found out you're in the same generation as someone who is 45 years old. Wow. That hits deep, especially as I'm, you know, entering my 30th year. Babe, are you going to do 30 before 30?

Um, I think I've probably done it. Fleigh? What's there to do? People do like, well I saw someone do like 30 countries before and 30. I best check that because I don't know. 30 countries is quite a lot. That's quite a lot. I don't know how far off I am and I'm not into like unrealistic targets to be honest

because I just think you set yourself up to be let down. No, but you could do like 30 before. I did endeavour to do 30 before. 30 books. No, just like 30 like things that you want to do before you're 30. Yeah, I could do that list but I feel like I'm pretty good. I mean also I'm not going to do things for the sake of ticking a fucking box. And like there's actually not any, like we're so good. We live like that.

Like if there's something we want to do. True. We do it. We make it happen. So I don't feel like there's anything that I'm desperate for. I'll have a think and I'll let you guys know if there's something that comes to mind. Great. Can I tell you some news then?

Yes. I've got a date tomorrow. Oh my God. Oh my God. Producers is he's like, yeah. Finally not just me bringing in some gas. The context of this is, we're doing the Love Island morning after podcast this week. Yeah.

So we're working like 8 till 11. Working like a dog. We're doing it with Amy Hart and India Polack and Amy Hart lives like an hour and a half away. Yeah. So she did like come to work with me. Did she? 4pm to 2 a.m. I've got to watch that.

Honestly. And guys, she's so heavily pregnant. Yeah. Like Bible, by the time this goes out, she could have had her baby. I really do. And she's working that hard. I honestly, I respect her. So much.

Also, she's like, you know, high functioning. She's so good. She's so funny. And she's got a two-year-old. I just think superwoman. And she's driving. She's not even getting a car back and forth.

She's driving. Wait, why does? Oh, yeah, sorry. So we're doing the Love Island pod. So we were thinking, it's actually really good timing. I think we spoke about this last week about like, well, no, because Al was telling me off because I was like, I've got no time to go on a date.

And I was like, yes, you have. We don't start at work until 8.30 p.m. See them for a job. drink before so alas I booked one in. Also babe don't worry tomorrow if you need to be 50 minutes like I'll get the delivery in don't worry about it. Thanks I did think I've actually got till nine yeah but then he said me at sixish and I'm like that's a bit early isn't it six till nine so I might push him back no but you don't you can't leave at nine you can you can start making a move at like eight fifth oh I better tell the adilene up to pick you off yeah yeah you better

tell him I won't be there right yeah okay six is a bit early but we're meeting in pass and screen oh fair I'm literally at the pub round the corner. Oh, I know where. Yeah, okay. And I'm going to do, this is my game plan, I'm going to do two glasses of small wine. So it's one large glass of wine,

which I think is fine. Okay. Or potentially two glasses of fizz. Because I think most people are fine, two glasses of fizz. I don't understand how people can do that. That's why I struggle at a wedding. Because, yeah.

Bavles, they just make me mental. I'm like a feral rat on champagne. Oh my God. Feral rat. No, no. And also, it's too, it's not, it's not. doesn't sit well in my chest cavity. I get very gassy. Fine. Yeah. I think one one glass of wine I think one large glass of wine. Also then we'll eat. Then we'll watch and then by the time we get

to record it, it'll be fine. I'll be fine. Yeah. But I can't sit there and like nurse. Oh no, no. Like do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Or like have, it's always so awkward on a day. Like if you don't want to drink, it's really difficult because the only way to really do that is either to make a thing of it and then like no one's in the like vibe or you go to the. bar and order. Sometimes they do do that hack, especially if you're on one of those dates that's like never ending. But what would you order?

Like a lime and soda that looks like a gin and tonic. Yeah, okay, fair. Like, all like genuinely just totally. I would do that like if I was out with my friends. Yes. I didn't want another drink. Of course you would. Maybe I'm going to go in.

I'm going to do some good, you know, soul searching. I think you need to really. Moral compassing. And no, start off with like, you know, the big ticket items. How much you earning? Do you want kids? Are you rich? Are you rich?

Do you have a good relationship with your family? Yeah. Have you got siblings? Are you living with anyone else? Yes. What colour of your sheets? How often do you wash your knickers? Like, it needs to, like, we're serious now, yeah.

And like the kind of thing like, oh, if you had the choice of like Gales or Costa, what would you pick? Because like, those are good things to know. And also, how do you feel about the fact that my whole life is work? Genuinely, I'm not joking. I think that's an important question. Okay. Not obviously, you'd have to say it like that, but like a lot of our life is work. Yeah, fair.

So if you're not. How's your sex drive? Yeah. I've been mismatched before. It's not the funnest. So we just need to get that shit ticked off first. So maybe you could comment, you know, some ideas of what she could ask. Please.

For next time. Guys, we went out out on Friday night. Oh, fucking hell. Oh, damn, where'd you go? We went to Soho House. Embarrassing. Which, to be fair, I wouldn't consider out-out. No.

When there's an event on there, and there was. It was House of Love. I just really despise the fact that that that little terrace is so congested. It's like a fucking motor. way up there. I know but I do love the Al Fresco. Me too although you can sing and dance it was freezing. My god.

You know but it was really good really fun and we were shit-faced. We to put a lily am drunk it was really good. We were just never ending we were playing Never Have I Ever we were really having Oh my God, never have I ever

There were so many Never Have I Evers That were mortified. Oh I wish I could tell you someone that ever have I ever. No, I think I can. I'm not asked. Right. So basically, the boys upstairs were out with us.

We were all out. Everyone was out. It was the board plus two boys from upstairs. Yes. So the one boy from upstairs who like, when we first moved in, I thought fit. Like nothing's ever materialised with him. He's made it quite clear that I'm severely in the friend zone.

I find that offensive, obviously. I think he just thinks it's like a bad idea. Do you know what I mean? Or he just doesn't fancy me, but I'm telling myself he thinks it's a bad idea. Anyway, hilarious. So someone around the table goes, never have I ever fancied anyone at the table? Every single person drinks, apart from me and this boy, I was genuinely so close. My hand was twitching.

I was going to pick it up because I don't care. I did fancy you in the beginning. Well, like, he should have drunk. Because surely in the beginning. Like, it's so funny because every time he lists his type, he'll be like, oh, my type is like, blonde. Blue eyes. Like, la, la, la, la. And I'm like sitting there like, confused.

So confused. Are you looking at something different to me? Anyway, he did and Drake, I literally, I forgot like that we were all sat so close together. And I like so loudly just look at Holly and I'm like, never. And he obviously hears me going, never. He's never fancied me. No, even more awkward, babe. You then go. Oh my God. Never have I. No, that wasn't me. Yeah, it was. You said it. Never, never, yeah. I never said that. You did because then you.

drank and you were like, this is how drunk we were. No one even remembers the reality of the situation. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yes, because I had the whole conversation with Holly, like how awkward is that? One of the boys said,

never have I ever, wanked over someone at this table. And then obviously we all drank. I drank. G drank. And then this guy, what was his name? Kangaroo.

Didn't drink. Didn't drink. And so then G goes, Ha ha ha. It's about raw. Oh. Lull, just think about Adam. No, I'm so embarrassing.

Sometimes I think I should just be like a whole sitcom. Like what is that? Why are you drinking, says? Put your drink down. Because I've had like... I know sometimes you do it for the story, but I think honestly, babe, we could skip this. No, no, that wasn't for the plot.

Like, genuinely, like, because I was so tiddled, I was like, well, I have had limerence about the door being unlocked and him coming in when I'm in the shower. Fair. I don't know what to tell you. That has been my fantasy once upon a time. The thing is, not recently. I'm sure he has to, he just would never say it.

And I should learn from him. I agree. Take a leaf out of his book. Say less. Also, the ironic thing is, it's like, I really don't fancy him now. But like, just in the beginning, he was like, this serious. I really don't fancy him. I'm just, like, obviously fuming about the fact that, like, he didn't drink when anyone asked if they fancied anyone, they weren't to him.

He doesn't fancy me. He doesn't fancy me. But, like, I really honestly don't get a shit. Like, so, so unbothered. Like, I just don't care. And, like, I just don't fancy him. I think it's just my ego was a bit bruised. I agree.

Which is fair. I agree. It was bruising to the ego. I agree. But then also I'm like, not everyone's going to fancy you. Do you know what? Well, it's not even that. It's just like I really do think he's so,

everything has to be in a box. Even if he did fancy you, I don't even think he would admit to himself he fancied you. And perhaps I should take a leaf out of his book and not admit to anyone that I fancy anyone. I think I should just be more mysterious now. Babe, I like that. Yes.

Yes. Year of the horse. I'm just really a last. Good, good. Oh my god, baby, your bag? My bag. It was a big deal actually. It's a big purchase.

Oh, and rule was so sweet because basically for my birthday, he bought me a very nice Gucci bag. And we really haven't like had, my birthday is the 30th of December. So this is like two months late. But you are indecisive and it was good that you got in. No, no, no. I agree. And like, I'm glad I waited because I, if I'd pick that other one, I actually now would have regretted it.

So have you ever had that when you like, someone by your eyes? a gift and you're like, you get it wrong. And I just, or like, I've had it wear because I'm a bit of the people, please. Like, Colin, my ex, he would buy me presents and I wouldn't say I didn't like it. But then I would see like the price tag and I'd be like, that's actually criminal that I didn't say. And you wouldn't say. Yeah, like that Pandora bracelet was on. Oh my God, sorry.

The first present raw ever bought me. I immediately said. It was this, it was from, what was that shot that everyone used? Monica Vanada. Oh, yeah. And it was like, also there are lots of nights. nice things in Monica Vanada and he bought me the only ugly thing in there. Of course. And we were genuinely like, you know, couple months in and he bought me this thing and

I was like, I don't love these. They were these earrings and I said, I don't love these. No, that's exactly what you should do. I really don't love these and I don't want you to spend money on something that I don't like. Yes. And then we went in exchange it. I really, I think this about everyone in your life, genuinely I believe, unless it's like your grandma, like just save her pride, you should always say, I don't love this and I won't wear this and I would love to exchange it something I will wear. Yes. Or prior to that, say stick to the list.

Stick to the list. The problem is I often don't know my list until I see it. I know. And that's, well, this is good. This is why you waited. Like, you knew he was going to get you a bag. Yeah. That's what you wanted and that's what you got you for your 30th.

But you waited until you had the right one. And it looks slay. It is sleigh. It's so good. I'd be scared to take out of the house. Well, this is that the most expensive thing you owned, do you think? I just bought that Valencia Harkaback. Oh my God.

Oh my God. She bought her half a half a more expensive bag. the bag, that is such a big dick energy thing to do. Oh my God, don't tell him that. Does he know? He knows. That's so bad. But he doesn't know that it's more. He thinks it's round about the same, but it is more. Oh my God. A way to emasculate a man. And I just am like, I, but I couch shit like, I'm buying like a good, like a well-done

present for I'm a celebrity like six months late. That's how I couched it. Not for your 30th. No. Fine. But it was my 30th because you only turned 31. As you should. And also, we were going to have a party and I, reckon I would have spent that amount of money roughly on a party. 1,000% that is a great way to justify it. So I would have done 100%. 100%.

So I'd rather have a bag. Also, this is why my mum hates throwing parties for this exact reason because she's like, it is a waste of money. I know. When you could just have something forever that you love. My ex used to always say like weddings, like birthdays, you should just ticket it. Like you should genuinely charge a ticket price. Yeah.

It's so spendy and it's actually going to turn out more, better value for money for someone to have a night out that you've planned for like 50 quid ahead, than actually just going out. So true. The guy would have spent way more than that on Friday night. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Just saying.

Anyway, you've got it now. I've got it now. So that's that. I'm thrilled. Oh, and Rolls birthday is coming in. Oh, we booked him as a surprise. Oh, yeah, so you booked it? Yeah, booked it.

So just tell him he needs to be free at one. I think he's going to, I think we should blindfold him and drive him around the loop a few times. I think we should do it properly. I really do. I really do. I love the boy. So let's just make it special.

Do you know what I mean? Well, I said to him, what would you? Because I said to him, that's a really generous present. La, la, la, la, la. And I said, what do you want for your birthday in return? Can't buy you a bag. He said, guess what he fucking wants? A driver set.

Like a golf driver's set. I said, how much is that he said about grand? I said, yeah, fine. But like, it's not very sexy, is it? No, but I tell you what is sexy. You could book in to the proper places where they go. Jess bought him that already. Oh, to measure his shit, so he knows.

He knows. Why don't you also get him? I think I'm expensive. But my. My auntie and uncle love golf, and they always buy for each other sessions with a pro. Good. And people like it. Is that a 30th birthday present?

With a pro that he knows. That's huge. Oh, an actual pro. Yeah. Oh, yes. Good. He'd be thrilled. It's like having a footy lesson with like.

Oh my God. Imagine. Yeah. Okay. That's good babe. Good, good. I will do that. Okay.

So anyway, yeah, we're all turning 30s. It's quite wild. I love it. Right. Join us in part two for your galley messages. Hi galleys, welcome back. What were we called the galleys this week? Gucci.

I was just so much so good. Really good. Let's start with an email. My boyfriend and I were in our early 20s. We were friends for three years before we started dating and we've now been together for a year and a half. Wow. We have so much fun together.

We laugh constantly and he is genuinely my best friend. Good! We're currently travelling and have been for the past five months. and this trip has definitely brought out our differences. Oh, travelling will do that. Traveling will do that. We've had some of our best moments and some of our toughest. I'm a very driven person.

I'm always busy with the gym, hiking, surfing or studying. And what I've noticed on this trip is that he is not. He's a chiller. He's content to chill all day, not do much and just go with the flow. I didn't really see this before as we were so busy working and saving. And I don't judge that at all. I genuinely respect who he is, but I can't help wondering whether we're too, different and whether those differences might lead to resentment in the future. I want someone to

love and accept me for who I am, which he does, and I want to do the same towards someone else not wanting to change something that he's not. Maybe this may come across as a small issue, but to me it's huge. I'm so busy and I have to be. It's how I keep saying and to have someone, the complete opposite feels like we're fighting against a fundamental trait in us. What do you think, girls? Do you think I should give it time? Do you think opposites are important or will it later lead to resentment. I also don't want to just give up on an otherwise very healthy relationship. I actually have a lot to say about this. Brilliant. Bring it to the table. Traveling is not a good reflection of real life. Agree. Five months as well. Like, it's not like

you're on a two week holiday. It's really easy. Like, I'm a driven person. If I was traveling for five months, I could also get into the rhythm of doing fuck all. And like really doing that, like, almost on purpose. Yeah. To enjoy those five months out of your whole life that you have to hustle. So maybe he is just like, sorry, Island Spirit has taken me, you know? Okay, if we're talking about on a wider point, if this is like, you know, if this continues into real life.

She's like overproductive and overperforming and she feels like she comes home every day and it's like, what have you done today? And he's like, not much. Oh, I would struggle with that. I really would struggle with that. Because I think as someone who has ambitions, you, you, like it's sexy in someone.

else when you see them like it doesn't have to be like financially driven but like when you see someone like like hustling and like passionate for something that's not just like sitting on the sofa you feel like oh that's really like I think that about my friends it's not just like romantically but I do like I perth I know I would struggle with that I guess it's like how there's loads of different elements of this is actually way more complex you're right like it's not a simple issue because I think if you can reframe it and find something impressive about his ability

to be content where his feet are that's actually quite an attractive trait especially if you are a little restless or always striving for more and better that's not a bad thing, it's just different. So if you can look at him it's different if he's the kind of person that complains but does nothing about it.

That's different. But if he's someone that is really happy with where he is, and he's not always looking for the next thing, and he's not always looking for better, I think those opposites can attract because it means that someone in the relationship is really grounded and really just where their feet are, and another person is like kind of driving the ship forward

and looking for bigger and better for them and for the relationship. But on the flip side of that, if it irritates you that much that he's, different to you, that he's not hustling in the same way as you, then I think it's one of those things where maybe every fight might come back to that. But I don't actually know that it's actually about hustle because she just said, I'm always busy with, by the way, I'm you, so I can resonate with this. She's just filling the day. Yeah, like, I can't, like, but the thing is, I can go on holiday and, like, lie horizontal and really not talk to anyone for two weeks straight. Like,

that is really, you know, but basically her thing is, I'm very driven, I'm always busy with the gym, hiking, surfing or studying. And what I've noticed on this trip is that he is not, He's content to just chill all day, not do much and just go with the flow. So I'm like, is that him not hustling or is that him just like really, you know, chilling out? True. Is that just like you holiday differently? You know some couples? Yes. You've got no travel cam.

Yes, you've got no travel cam. So like some, like, you'll have like a boyfriend that's like desperate to be on the jet skis and like up in the gym and like almost like itineries. Yeah. Like action man. Yeah. Yeah. And then you've got other people that are like, I want to read a book. I want to have a pinocalada at one.

I want to like have a really long shower and then I want to have a long dinner and I want to sleep. And like those are just two different ways to holiday. I think outside of holiday, it's if, okay, I think that we need to differentiate between lack of ambition. Yes. And like just being really chilled.

Being able to switch off. Because Rawr is that person. Like Rawl is incredibly ambitious and driven and hustle and like a hustler. But rule doesn't really switch off on holiday, does he? But like he'll come home and like just sit. Like when I come home and if the house is a mess I can't chill until the house is tidy

But he'll come home and like Just sort of sit there and lounge about And it drives me nuts because I'm like Why is it not bothering you? That you can just sit here in this mess And he's like oh I'm just really tired And I'm just taking the time And I'm just chilling

Yeah And like if you can get over that Then I don't like I don't think that's like a deal breaker No because also you then have to come to the point Where it's like if it bothers you do it And you can't expect it to bother him What exactly yes And like it's not a problem.

Like I think both parties have to be comfortable in that because it also might bother him. But you're so like, you know, high functioning. Yeah. When I'm just trying to like be and making me feel guilty for being like. That's literally rule. Led. Do you know what I mean?

It works both ways. If everyone can just be, this is what it all comes down to in relationships. If you can be okay with those differences, you'll live a happy life. It won't matter. Don't fight him on everything. It's a compromise. Everything is a compromise. Yeah.

I do think there is a happy medium to come to where like he can make you, this, I see a lot of myself and raw in this situation because like I can also be like, you know, high functioning and like this isn't, and he's like, why does it matter? Yes. And like what like a beautiful mindset to come from. Like she's right. It doesn't fucking matter that the dishes aren't done as soon as we're eating. It doesn't matter.

And like I think it's really nice actually to have that perspective sometimes when you are the kind of person that's like, every box has to be ticked and I have to be, and then it's gym, and then it's surfing and then it's hiking and it's like, do you? Could you not just sit down and like, chill? How nice to have a partner as well that like facilitates that for you. Yeah. It doesn't make you feel guilty for it. 100%.

I think another really important part, babe, is that you have everything else you want from him. And that is not guaranteed. And he's your best friend. Like, that is just so. That is huge. Valuable. My gut tells me you can get over this. I agree.

this will be an issue. I just think as long as you can communicate it. I think you need to look inward and realise the things that actually do matter. Like that impact you, that you can communicate to him and maybe you could ask more of him. Like if it really would mean the world

to you to hike with him so that you're not watching the sunset alone, fine. Yes. Maybe then one day a week or like the hike wherever you are, whether it's like on holiday or travelling or in real life, there's something where he's like, okay, I will get up with you and do the early Barry's class because you want to be there with me.

But like the other stuff, can you let go of it? Well, also, he's doing that for you. And like, you can't expect him to do, to want to do that for himself. Which she does say, she's like, I don't want to have to fundamentally change him. I also think, like, I remember having this conversation with a friend, like, ages ago and about, like, what is the worst, what is his worst trait in this instance? It's this. It's that, like, and you've said, I am so busy.

have to be, but that's about you. Yeah. Like, so does it actually affect you or does it just annoy you? Yes. If it's annoying you, that's not good enough. Like, that's not a good enough reason to throw your relationship away. No. There are lots of fucking annoying things about a lot of people in the world.

Is it that, like, is it, is it based, like, can you live with that for the rest of your life? Mm-hmm. Can you find a way to make it less annoying? If the answer is, yeah, yes, yes. Figure it out. I think you guys can stay together. 100%.

we've just realized that you can stay together. Oh, I know you can stay together. Yeah. But it requires you. I have had to do this because like, and it is hard when you're the kind of person that's like, well, why hasn't that been done and why can't? And like obviously, you know, like, obviously we should get up and do that. And obviously, da, da, da, da, that's on you to fix that.

And actually really deep. Like, do I have to be busy or am I just like filling space because I don't want to sit alone with my thoughts? Like, you have to really look in words. 100%. It's not about them. I feel like it's not about him. It's a mirror. He's mirroring something to you. And that, don't get me wrong, that can be really difficult. But I also think those can be the best relationships. Like, I feel like most of my, like, intimate relationships in my life are quite mirroring. So true. And I would rather that than have someone that, like, is like really, like, kind of an enabler. Do you know what I mean?

Well, also, like, you can look at it. I often think this about Rour, I look at it. And I genuinely marvel at his ability to just glacially move through the world. I think, wow. No, no, it is, like, it's an amazing, when you can step out of yourself and, like, just appreciate it for actually what it is. It's amazing to be able to live like that. Yeah. And if you can take a bit of that into, like, if you can take an iota of that into your own life, I think you'll be calmer. Exactly. Great. Great.

Come on. Okay. Gucci number two. Hey, Gallis. I love you guys. I travel for work a lot. So I've literally gone back to episode one and listen to the whole thing. giggling with you and agreeing with you and yeah my dilemma is I'm in a funny situation with

my renting and my housemate situation that I my tendency is coming to an end and I've got the opportunity to move in with my boyfriend and his family before we buy together which is so amazing I'm so excited but have you any advice for moving in with a boyfriend and his family. Oh my God. Just because his family can be rude quite intense. However, this is kind of my only option. Any advice, any suggestions, any boundaries that you think I should put in place.

That would be amazing. Thank you. Goodness me. That is tough. Sorry, never have I ever moved in with a boyfriend family. Maybe never could I ever. I'm going to throw out of that. Never will I ever.

Never should I ever. Yeah, it's giving, it's going to be hard. Okay. Also, sorry, that was a bit of a negative start. It actually does really work for some people. Like, it can be so fine and kosher. Fran lives with her husband's family. Fran, our manager lives, you're right, with her husband's family.

And she loves it. Loves it. Like, wouldn't move. And she does put boundaries in. Like, I remember her saying to us that some days when she gets home from work, because obviously our job is quite like people facing. Yeah. She will literally say to them,

guys, I'm just going to pop upstairs and have a bath. I'll be down for dinner in an hour. And she gives herself that time before she's even told anyone how her day was. And she just does that. And they don't think she's rude

because she's explained to them that sometimes she's going to need to do that. Then she has her time to like decompress. Then she can come in for the evening, you know, and be a nice person. Take a leaf out of Franz's book. Yeah. Well, I think number one,

it's about communication. Like, as always, everything in life is about communication. If you come home in a mood, you need to say, I'm going to take 10. I'm going to, you know, sit upstairs. Also, you can lie, say,

I'm going to have a bath and don't have a bath. Like, just, I think the hard thing about living with someone's parents is that you feel like you have to be like on and that you have to wear your mask even at home. Yes. And no one wants to do that. So I think the way that you can let the mask slip a bit is by not spending too much time in communal areas.

Yeah, taking, like, also maybe you do just make sure that you have like one night a week where you're like out for dinner with friends and you get back when like everyone's in bed. Do you know what I mean? Like it gives you that space. And then I also think like there are really small things. I don't live with my in-laws. but I know I have obviously been in a relationship a long time and I think it's that thing of like feeling on both sides that you're both contributing and giving and taking.

True. And like it's really small stuff. Like you will be living in their house but you can offer to make everyone a cup of tea every single day and honesty that will go such a long way. 100%. Like it's really small stuff or like oh, don't worry, I'll pick some bits up for dinner.

Yes, making sure that you're so right. Like you've got to feel like we're both, both sides are contributing because otherwise I think what happens in these instances is the parents feel resentful that the partner and the child to be fair are living there like rent free and like having every like dinner

cooked and made when they come home blah blah blah Basically reverting to children is actually what you want to avoid you kind of want to look like it's really hard because it's their house so the dynamic is it's their rules right that is fine

and like let's just be clear it is their rules 100% like if they say you can't have people over sadly you can't have people over. You're a lodger, really. Do you know what I mean? And you respect their house and their space. But what you don't want to revert to as being a child.

Yes. Because they are two different things. Like, I've got friends that live in, like, shared accommodation in London where they're living with the person that owns the house. So, like, that rule still applies, even though that's not, like, their future in-laws. So I think, you know, you just want to look at it, like, you're living in a communal space, but it's their house. You kind of need to think about it literally like you, like you're in a,

like a house share. Yeah, like you're paying them to live there. And you're being really like mindful because I think the more that you are kind of on like best behaviour, the easier it will be. Agreed. They'll love having you there, which will make your life easier. Agree. That's tricky when you think about the adult activity.

You'll need to time that for when they're out the house. You've got to be respectful. You can't be, you know, making headboards bang. Yeah, I think it's silent activity as like think, you know. Think love. I was just about to say Love Island. Yeah. It's like there's other people in the room and there's cameras watching.

That's what you need to think all the time when you're having your communal activity. I also think this often about not just living with them. Like just couples in front of either sets of parents. Keep the PDA to a fucking minimum. It's so, like, it's unnecessary. And it's unnecourt. And it makes them uncomfortable. Make it loving.

I always think that like everyone likes to see their child be loved. Like you can show affection in a really like. Like P.G. Way. Rub their shoulder. Yes. Or like offer them a tee. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Also, the bickering is hard. I've had this before. You know when you go on holiday with like partners? Yes, I do. Parents and you might have to keep some stuff private. And that just means biting your tongue. I also think if your partner is close with his parents,

if they're pissing you off, you have to take that somewhere else. I know. Like that is, and that is fucking hard when you're living in it. It's so hard. But you, like, that is going to sour your relationship with him more than it will than, then. Like, basically, you can't always expect them to take your side because they're his parents. Yeah, like, don't create that riff. No.

No means. Honestly, call anyone else, write it in your notes at. Ask chat GPT. Like, do anything, but voice that. Unless it's really to the point of, like, you feel like they're being actively nasty. If it's just annoying. Yeah. get like tell anyone else yeah also keep remembering like your mantra can be this is so that we can

buy a house because like that is it's actually like a really big blessing that they're giving you that you can be there and you can save true and you can eventually create a space that is just yours so I feel like if you can have that the four like I think when there's a why everything's easier like if you're just there for their sake because it's like easy or because they he wants that it's a bit harder to swallow those tricky things whereas if you're like your why is so clear like because we're going to have our own house just keep remembering that because it's going to be it's going to be a little bit challenging I think one more thing piece of advice I have for in-laws and this is true with myself and my own in-laws is that we have really different interests

they love sport anything golf football I mean anything they're just like they're sport mad and I'm not if you can make an effort to know things and like for them too and like you know this is what I mean everyone has to like bring something to each other like I couldn't give a shit about golf

but when the masses is on you best believe I'll be talking about the golf because they care about the golf and it's like if you can do that genuinely every day like let's say there's something that they really love and like you saw it like I don't know flash off on Instagram you could go home and be like

oh my God I just saw that that they will feel like oh my gosh she really really is making an effort both ways, by the way, they have to do the same but like that's what I mean about like it's an effort it's really conscious you have to be very very intentional

within these kinds of situations and you cannot expect that you're just going to be like happy families and you and your mother and nor are going to be BFFs because like you just might not and that's okay or doesn't have to you don't have to be BFFs you have to be civil and comfortable

and maintain the relationship so that by the time you're out of this period agree. You have a relationship. Yeah. Like that's just your main goal. Yeah. And it is exhausting.

So if you can also like take time for yourself, like outside of the space, great. Yeah. I'm talking sleepovers at Friends House. And just remember like if you, they're not your parents. So like you can't be grumpy with them. You can't. I would. I used to.

And I had, that was my like big mistake when I was young. Yeah. They're not. It's not their job. No. It's really not. They're not. And like even if your partner's being that way.

way, that's not your behaviour to like enact. Like you can't copy that behaviour. Yeah. Because you're a guest in their house at the end of the day. Yeah. Wow. Good luck. Good luck.

It's going to be great. Also it will be really, I think it might bring you and your partner closer together because you're like, you know, experiencing the same things and being adults living at home anyway is difficult. So you learn a lot about him. Like I always think that. Like the dynamics. I think that too. You learn a lot.

And also like it's really nice when you. you love someone to understand their environment, it makes them make sense so much more. A hundred percent. And you can know it, but you might not know it. Exactly. And I think actually that's a good thing, especially if you're going to marry them and have kids with them. Good to know.

Well, also, if you're going to marry them and have kids with them, your relationship with your in-laws has to be good. Like, they are, you know, even if you don't like them, they are the person that you loves parents. So you have to find a way to make it work. Yeah. Like, in my opinion, there is, when people say, oh, they don't, I don't talk to my indoors, I'm like, you're just shooting yourself in the foot. You really are.

Do you not want free childcare? Come on. Come on. Think of your head. Do you not want double Christmas presents? Obviously, make it work. Just find a way. Make it work.

Good advice. Okay. The advice has been very good today, sis. Well, it's the year of the horse. Yeah. I'm giving that energy. Let's do a Gucci roundup. Yes, please.

A galley round up. Okay, I'm going to just really hold up a mirror to you, my sis. It's not that deep. It's not that deep if you make it not deep. Yeah. So find... Because it doesn't feel like moral issues. Lack of ambition for me would be...

That's not moral, but that is deep. Because you can't change that. Yeah. And also, there's kind of nothing that you can take from that. If you look at... It's different if you come home and he doesn't have a... job and he's like oh i've not really looked you just have to make sure that you're like measuring him against his own ruler yeah because ambition does come in different shapes and sizes so 100% if there is

zero ambition and zest for life and you're not that person that's hard but if his ambition is for example to be happy that's just a different ruler than yours and that's okay so it's like as long as he's working towards his own goal, his own ambition, fine. But also there is a difference between that and also just really being chilled. Sure. And like not really caring about the house being a mess and like getting up to go to the gym. They are two different things. And you need to decide which camp he falls into.

Yeah. Because if it's the latter, I think you can get over it. Also, they can be trained. Honestly, you can train a boyfriend like you can train the dog. You can. You can train him to care about stuff like. tiny stuff, like, I don't know, buying butter when it's out, when you're out. Like, if that's the sort of shit that's bothering you,

that he's so chilled that he doesn't even notice that, he can train that, yeah. It's like when girls say, oh, I don't like his jeans. I'm like, sis, buy him a pair of jeans then. Because he'll wear what you tell him to. And don't begrudge him for not wanting to be as busy as you. And not innately being the same as you. Yeah.

Agre. Also, if you can find a way to put a positive spin, It's a very refreshing way of living. Agree. So if you can take some of that into your own life, I think you might, you never know. You might find some chill. You just never know.

Yeah. You might have more rest days than you used to have and that might be nice. Also, can I just say I can be the poster girl for you because I used to be, I mean, I am still quite highly strong, but I used to be. No, you're much better. I really do think I am and it's because I spend my life with Raw. And he genuinely, I, this is what I mean, I look at my thing. I am honestly.

an amazement of you. He really is where his feet are. He just doesn't care. Yeah. About shit that just doesn't... Like, it used to really bother me if we went to sleep. This is so, so minor. And this is what I mean about real life translations.

If we went to the bed and the surfaces weren't cleaned, I would, like, really struggle. And now I just think, does it fucking matter? Yeah. No. Also, there's something, like, I think... I know you can't, like, romanticise every part of your life. But, like, how cool to be the couple that just, like, you know,

have a dinner party and leave everything. Yeah. And then just go to bed and like do it in the morning when they can be bothered. Like there's something kind of cool about it. And also like, okay, this is another example of like raw. Everything is last minute. And like he doesn't, he's so chilled. He's not thinking.

Like when we went, no, when he went to Australia in December, I'm babe, I'm not joking. It was 10 minutes before the past. No, no. His packing is a little stressful. I won't lie. It's a little, it's a little squeaky bomb. And then not just the packing. It was the fucking passport.

Sure. everything the whole the whole chest of jaws everything was on the floor and I just had to stand there and just be like do you know what well this is a thing it's not my problem lol yes like honestly lol because if you're gonna be late that's on you and that's gonna put you in that situation that's yours and then you'll clean up that mess yes and it's a good thing to learn yeah because also when you have kids that's what you've got to live like so like that's what I mean I think if you can take something from it into yourself it's quite refreshing do you agree okay good good Future number two, moving in with your in-laws, future in-laws, we hope and pray.

Good luck. Good luck. You know? Commit to making effort every day. Yes, good. Complain elsewhere. Find your own support system. Basically find a way to make it well because you haven't got another choice.

And basically don't have intercourse loudly. Yes. Because that's a surefire way to piss them off. Yes. No, keep the media to an absolute men. Min. And like, buy dinner. Like, make dinner.

Definitely make dinner. And Lou Roll. People get really funny about Lurl in shared spaces. Make sure you're buying Leroy. Oh my God, sharing a bathroom with your in-laws. That can't be right. There must be more than one bathroom. I hope and pray.

Hope and pray. I always think of like Gavin and Stacey when like Pam's like so over familiar and Stacey's just in the bathroom having a shower. She just walks in. She's like, don't mind me, love. You just think, oh my God. I can't get a moment's peace. And also, sorry, my other advice is don't expect to be BFFs.

It's okay. I like, I think movies have really, you know, done in relationships dirty because it's not like that in real life nine times out of ten so like if you can just get to a place where you feel comfortable well also this is controversial but like don't be afraid of like I don't know like there's an element that you need to be like tiptoeing but if something is like unlivable agree you can have a conversation like they are just you're an adult they're adults like as long as everyone's nice and civil I think you could make a harmonious living space.

That doesn't have to be like slumber party every night, but it can be like everyone's kind of living like a modern dysfunctional family. Yeah. And that's fine, you know? Yeah. Brilliant. Okay. Now it's time for what we loved and didn't love from this episode.

Loved? The fact that you're travelling for five months. Love. Hard sleigh. Loved my Gucci bag. Ops. Loved your Gucci bag. Loved that you bought yourself a more expensive.

loved. Shh, shh, shh, shh, he doesn't listen. It's so good. If he starts listening, we are. Oh, we're fucked. Oh, no, no, we, I will... It's over. I'll be moving out.

He'll be moving out. The wedding room will be nowhere to be seen. Absolutely. Loved... That I'm going on a date? That you're going on a day. Loved that... We got shit-faced.

Loved that didn't love. The hangover. Oh, my God, didn't love. Because I genuinely think I've just got rid of it today. It's Tuesday. I feel, I feel, I still feel tired. I'm tired. But then apparently it's the shedding or something.

I think it is a shedding, yeah. And the like, New Moon. Full Moon, New Moon. New Moon. New Moon. New Moon. Love. Love that you're saving up to buy a house.

Love. Love. Love that your in-laws are having you. Yeah. Good. Not guaranteed. Good. So love.

Didn't love your need to be constantly busy. Maybe. Didn't love, maybe. Didn't love the idea that this is make or break. Yeah, didn't love because it's not. It's not. It's not. So let us be your comfort.

Love that we gave some good advice today. Yes. I think you slid it, guys. Thank you. I hate to beep our own horns or whatever the saying is. Toot your own trumpet. I thought that was quite good. Love my new slush sweater.

Yeah, love. Love your little shoulder poking out. Guys, love Al's Bangs. No one's mentioned Al's Bangs. Didn't love Al's Bangs. Love them. Did it love. Yes, and you're looking so Asian today.

Slaces. gorgeous. I really love them. It's beautiful. I want to know how are the girls. Because when I try to... Sorry, what do you mean the girls? She's right here. No, but yours aren't like the other girls. Oh. Yours are a bit too long and I think the problem is... I think it's not like a proper full bang. And this is the problem is this is a full bang and that's all I've got. So I can't just blow down this one strand. Because Saffron Barker has a full bang this leg. So it does stay. Wait, can I tell you what I've seen the hack? Yeah. You get your eyelash curler.

I've seen it at the root. The root like this. So then it's up a little off your head and then you just flick this, backward blow dry. I'm going to try that. And then I think you're away. Love beauty hacks. Let us know what you loved or hated in this air

by commenting on Spotify, YouTube or wherever you are listening. Maybe comment a bag emoji for Ali's Gucci slash Valenciaga bag. Why not? And if you've got a story or dilemma that only we can help you with, then please send a voice note to our WhatsApp on. 617-7-992 or you can click the link in the episode description.

You can also send us an email at hello at leave-a-messagepod.com and that's it guys. See you next week. We love you. Bye!