Leave A Message with Ally & G - Our Most DISGUSTING Story Yet… And Wait, She Killed HIM?!

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

The UK heatwave claimed its first victim this week as G got a little too comfortable in the sunshine and ended up so burnt that by the time she headed off on her HOT date,  she looked like a glorious shade of tomato. Meanwhile, Ally has a scorching hot take of her own: should the lights be on when you’re doing the deed?PLUS, this might genuinely be one of the WILDEST weeks of Leave a Message yet… one Gally gets accused of murder, while another catches her one night stand doing something so deeply toe-curling and repulsive she had no choice but to flee the scene.FANCY SENDING A VOICENOTE/MESSAGE GALLY? Send your voice note to: https://wa.me/message/UH4DASEKPFQBA1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Oh, and don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details!)OR, you can write us email an on [e-mail] us at @leaveamessagepodcast on socials!Listen every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've reached Leave a Message with me, Ali. And me, G. This is the podcast where we help the galleys in need. Whether you're already practising your salute as a future army wife. Or you're getting quizzical on your second date. This is the podcast for you. Right, I must start this week by talking about my son, man. I cannot tell you girls.

I need help. No, I'll tell you what needs help. Hey, nice nails. Hey, Zara Larson Summer. Hey. Zara Larson Summer. Are those, I don't think those are Zara. These are so Zara Larson.

No, do you think those are Zara Larson? Oh yeah, get that squint on. I think the Burgundy isn't there is Zara Larson unfortunately. I don't think that's pink. No, Zara Larson is like mermaid core. This is so mermaid. Mermaids don't have brown.

That one, that one, that one, that one. This one is Zara Larson. That's too dark for Zara Larson. Is it? It's got to be bright neon colors. Maybe it's like Zara Larson if she did punk. Yes. Yes.

And if she wore a. jaw, do you know what I mean? Guys, the worst thing that could possibly happen to me before a date happened on Saturday. In the morning, genuinely I thought to myself, I'll get a bit of a glow, shall I, before this date? Yeah, because famously that's worked for you. I thought, I do, Tan. In an hour, babe, I don't think you're going to get a glow. I would get a glow in an hour.

Easy. I got more than a glow. I got more than I bargained for, was the problem. Yeah, I had a date and I thought, you know, we'll be having a sleep. over so I might like to look a little bit sun-kissed. Anyway, I sat out and actually I I'm trying not to do this because I love to blame things external from me. Obviously, this is my fault. But I was on the phone to Holly and when I first started the phone call it was um, cloudy. But did you check the UV? Because this is a rookie mistake. It was six.

Six is too high. Six is I think mid. Well, I guess for like a fair-skinned queen wearing no No, no, don't cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, I had it on my face, thank God, thank God. Because that would have been bad. Lydia would have never spoken to me again. And she would be right to. Exactly.

Sorry, Lydia is our skin lady that helps us with our skin and keeps us looking young. And Lydia won't leave the house without a hat on, honestly, that girl. Lydia, look, I don't know how, she's... She's our age. Your age? Your age. Her skin is genuine... If anyone needs, any advice, go to Lydia at prejuvenation.

She's incredible. Her face is like a beaming... like a beacon of light. No, no, she's embryonic. Yes. It's crazy. Yes. And that's because she will not look at the sun.

Yes. So anyway, I was on the phone. La la la, chat and chatting. I thought, come, I'm getting a bit hot. Take my straps down because I think, come on. Linda's there. She's got her kit off. My mum tan's so well.

I don't know what skipped a generation. Well, also the thing about Linda is once you've got the brown, it's easier to like continue along the brown vein. Famously, COVID summer changed her. She literally was outside. That woman was outside for three months straight and she got a lovely brown glow. Well, also, Babe, don't forget that her grandfather was adopted. And we don't know where he's from.

And we don't know that. But then I spoke to my nan the other day. Sorry, this is by the bye, but she said Liverpool's during through 17th century. No, but he was adopted. Oh, I see. So he was in Liverpool, but his blood could be from elsewhere. Fine, of course. I literally, guys, Linda at the moment, we're really, really, you know, on a detour here.

But Linda at the moment is actually killing me. I think she might be having some kind of episode this last. in quite a long time. It's almost like she's going through menopause again. If you came to Bristol and you asked them for a picture, just please know that you have actually made our year. The pictures of her,

Izzy, we need to show you. She is clinging onto them. This is my mum. Like they are a life raft. I'm not joking. Hugging them like, they're her long lost children. I'm like, Linda,

you don't know these. You cannot do that. You don't know them. I don't do where I'm really bad encroaching on personal space, but my mum doesn't understand. personal space. She will snog anyone she meets.

Like, even like, I always think this, you know, like if you're from a small town village, you'll understand this, you know, when you go back home, you go to, like, Tesco, and you can't get down an aisle without bumping into someone that knows your mum or knows your dad or you went to school with. Anyway, my mum, I always think this about her. No one wants you, like, intimately in their trolley and Tesco. Like, it's quite an intimate thing your trolley.

You don't want someone coming up and looking at your weekly shop. My mum gets right... She would look at the shop. Right up close to you. peering in your trolley. She'll kiss you on the lips. She's so intense, my mum. I can't even explain.

So anyway, if you were at Bristol and my mum, you know, assaulted you. I'm really sorry. Harassed you. She was just so happy to be there. And she's, guys, she has told every single person in her fucking contact book that she got asked for pictures. She won't stop. First thing she said to my dad, we walked through the door.

Well, two girls asked me for pictures. It's like, you are crazy. Anyway, sorry, that's by the bye, but I was at home with my mum, and my mum obviously sat there, like, tops off fine. I'm thinking, God, feeding a bit hot now, hang up the phone. I see on the phone call, it's been 40 minutes, so I think that's much more than the, you know, allocated amount that you're meant to have 20 minutes SPF free, which Lydia wouldn't agree with. But I always think, you know, a quick 20, you won't hurt anyone. I go back inside, we will show you the picture that I sent in our group chat on Saturday. I look like a drumstick.

It is awful A squashy A squashy Thank you I look like a squashy Or as Fran said Teddy Bear Ham What is Teddy Bear Ham?

God bless You've never had Teddy Bear Ham You weren't raised on Teddy Bear Ham Let me show you Yeah Billy Bear Ham Is it the round ham With white circle

Pink with white circles in it It's shaped like a bear He is a bear Oh no I've not had that And that is me That was me Yeah fair That was you

I'm just trying to figure out what actually happens sort of towards your collarbone because there is a bit of white. So I think that was where I was holding my phone on speaker like this. And then this shoulder burned, but this one didn't because I was against a kind of sofa edge outside. And my phone was like this, holding it like this. So then I think that's been covered a huge wonky line across my boobs. What were you wearing? I just had a kind of loose came on and I just kind of pulled it down. It was so bad

So anyway then I'm spiraling You know like your skin was like hot Yeah that's why I then went inside Because I thought I'm a bit warm I looked in the mirror and I thought I'm more than warm I've baked

I've gone too close to the sun Is what I thought to myself And then all I could imagine was like me on top And I was literally feeling horrified Is your belly okay My stomach was so red Like so red Babe have you not seen the picture

I've not seen the full picture I've seen the one Okay, well this isn't for the pod, but I'm going to show to Al now, and you can just gauge her reaction. Oh, my. No! Never has anyone look more unattractive. I literally, babe, look at me. I can confirm that is absolutely dire.

And imagine, imagine going on top like that. I was like, Helen Horace. What is wrong with you? Why do you do these things? No, no. Look it in the face. Look at this. Look at this.

Okay, let this be your lesson. Also, it's like me. Every time you think, quick 20 minutes, no, no. It's so bad. I can't even tell you about it. I'll tell you the good thing about this. Your tits, your actual nipples looks so womanly.

My teat, if you will. I was like, okay, so then I text him because I was like, this is her face. My face. Your face isn't burned. What happened there? So you're on your face?

That is a step two. far. That is really funny. Obviously. Oh, that is really funny. So basically I text him because I was thinking, this is bad. Also, look at my mum. I know.

I should have seen that. Did you say? Yeah. So she did burn a bit. So she did burn a bit in the end. So anyway, I was like, I'll text him and say, I, like, tried to get a little tan this morning, but it looks more like burn. And he was like, ha, ha, sure it's fine. I was like, brother, you don't know.

What to express. And I was like, ha, ha, it's tops on. I was not joking. Topson. Anyway, we went on our date. I had a lovely, lovely night. It was great. Great date, 10 out of 10.

Get back to mine, which obviously I never really do, but I would genuinely say we are long distance. Oh, I agree. I think you could be in an easier relationship with someone in Paris. I'm actually serious. I genuinely agree. Because at least you'd see the Eiffel Tower. Agree.

When you visit. Ag, you know what I mean? Also, the travel time is low-key the same. Oh, the same. The ag is the same. The only thing you can't do is get the time. like a 3 a.m. Uber from Paris. True. Because then it's so quick.

When London's sleeping, no problem. True. In the day when London's awake, it's hell and horror. It's long distance. Anyway, he came back to mine and I really did think. I basically, I text Holly. Text Holly two things which I thought was so funny. I was like, please, can you hide Mongo? I'm not ready for that yet.

My teddy that I sleep with. She was so funny. She put him beside my bed like this, between my bed and my bedside table looking up at me like this. I was like, don't look at me. And then I also text on keys, can you leave a baggy t-shirt in the bathroom? Because my plan was,

I'm going to get home, sexy, sexy, then I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'm just going to change out my clothes and put my baggy tea on. Bear your mind, it's also boiling hot. Like I was like, you know, feeling a bit strokey at that point, sunstrokey, not like stroking.

Anyway, put the top on. We, you know, get down to activity. It's activity time. It's time to play. Well, Dumbay, that was nicely said. Thank you. I keep saying Al hates it when I say fucking It's gross

It's just Is he what you say? Shaggin Shagin Shagin is okay But I'm northern so I could get away with it Shagging Shagging doesn't sound good from me

Shagging Bedroom activity is much better So we get down to bedroom activity Leave that up to the imagination Sure We're getting some bedroom activity going I've opted for the low lamp I didn't want to go full lights off

Because sometimes I think lights off Is a bit like I need all senses engaged Do you know what I mean? Like I need some eyesight Oh I like off. Dark.

You don't want to see it? No. Really? Not anymore. I know what's there. I know what you're seeing. I know those parts intimately. It's not even I want to see,

but I need to like see what I'm a bit dyspraxic in the dark. That's why I'm not gonna knock a knee. That's why I can be dyspraxic with the light on. So I think better note than no one can see that. So then actually it's just like if I knock you in the balls. No, listen, I think in the beginning you've got to have low light. I think so too. I don't know.

There's something about like looking at each other. Like that is making me vomit. Is anyone else just violent? Was anyone else just honestly sick in their mouth? Because I honestly just had to swallow my vomit back down. Do you not make high contact anymore? I do. Of course I do.

I just think. Of course I do. It's my most powerful weapon. High contact. True. Don't take that way from me. Got no other tricks up my sleeve. Anyway, so then comes to the part of the bedroom activity

where I'm in quite a vulnerable position in my current state of redness. Do you have your t-shirt on that whole time? Yeah, the kangaroo t-shirt. Right. Which when I wear I think of Alan, which is also problematic. Alan was our cameraman guys on I'm a celeb and he wore this t-shirt and Alan I saw him wearing this t-shirt.

We were like, we have to have that. We need that t-shirt, it's so cool. So now every time I wear I think of him. So I was genuinely kind of thinking of him. Also like all thoughts blurred into one. And anyway, the partner that I was with at the time playing this bedroom game was like went to take off my top. And I was like, whoa, brother, I wasn't joking when I said, tops on.

And he was like, really? And I was like, yeah, yeah, really. And he was like, you really care. Then I was a bit like, oh, God, don't put on that string. Because, like, you know, I don't, like, technically care, no, what you think of my son burn. But also, why could he not have just said, yeah, sure, no, problem. Confidence is key, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, it was quite the baggy, to be fair. I think it's a fore-act-down. No, but sometimes I think that's good. Much room

from like hand movement in there. Yeah, yeah, please. I'm not saying it's a touch-free zone. I'm just saying it's an eyesight free zone. Yeah, yeah. That sense you have lost in this region of my body. Unless you like to turn the lights off, sir. Because also I'm a bit like, I feel like it's going to turn you off. No, no. And to be, guys, I'm not joking. Like, if it wasn't that bad, I'd be like you're being a pussy. It was so, it is bad. It was really bad. It was really bad. Anyway, then I just thought, oh, sod it. So I took my top off and then he was like, oh, so you know, you have to do something with your chest.

I really had to, like, you know, pull some confidence out my ass because I was literally like mortified that I was in this very vulnerable position. Wush! And then I was just like, there. And then he was like, oh, it's really not that bad. I looked down. He's a liar. I was iridescent.

Okay, he, sorry. Have you checked him for a lie detector test? No, no. It was one of those, like a white lie that. like served a purpose in the moment, I think. It's really not that bad. I would have just said nothing. No, because then I'd have like run away.

If he'd have just stared at me and said nothing, I'd have been like, I'm just going to hop off now from where I am and I'm going to just mind my own business. Because that is mortifying. Like, thank God he said something. Because imagine he just is like, and just carries on. I'd have been like, this is unenjoyable for me.

Or he could have said. It's quite bad. It is bad. But don't worry, I still have been. Yes, good. That's good. It's really not that bad. I just think that as a blatant lie.

Afterwards, he did say. That's like when, yeah, go on. It's quite bad. As in, you know, it's quite burnt. Right. Yeah, exactly. It's quite burnt. Yeah.

Anyway, if anyone needed a lesson as to why to wear their SPF, here I am. I'm still red now. Look at me. We can bathing out of error. We've all been there. Did you see an ODM? Someone said you need to get in the bath with tea bags. Apparently tea bags turn burn to sun

Burn to tan I don't know the science Old Wives tales Can I just say they do work I know and you're not wrong They do If only you'd have been there in my hour of need I sent you that picture

Where were you with your tea bag marriage No-wam Said to my mum Help me help me Because I had to change outfits It was a fucking mind now Is your mum good in those situations No she's flustered as fuck

Oh really She was running around Like a headless tree chicken bringing me items of clothing that were fugly. I was like, you want me to wear that blouse? The same colour as my bird. Yeah, okay. Get out.

Yeah, okay. Get out my face. And then she goes, you need yoghurt. Yogurt. She was like, put some yoghurt on. That was a good idea. Did you do that? Bearing in mind, I had 20 minutes to get to King's Asia.

But babe, why did you not do the yogurt? Yogurt's very alkaline. And then get back in the shower. Wash off my stinky yogurt. It was awful. Awful. Anyway, he wants to see me again. Oh, who'd have thought it?

Who'd have thought it? That is really funny. That is really funny. Well done, babe. Thank you. Thank you. I'm living for the plot, Gals. Let me tell you.

I have no updates other than the fact that I do need to just talk about this one chair on my chin. Don't talk to me about there on the chair. What? Sorry. Why does it keep coming back every time you're going to feel it's coming? I saw it the other day and I said to Roar, you're a fucking, you are a hater. I walked around all day on Saturday like this. No, because they're really, I genuinely think

they're not there and then boom. I don't think that's raw. How does that happen? I think you have to, you have to go easier on him. You're very critical of him. Guys, critical. You're quick to criticise. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I am. So you could be slower. Okay? To criticize. Slow the pace. Guys, last night it was so funny because... He was pissed, wasn't he? A bit, yeah.

Not too bad, but a bit. He sounded pissed on the phone, I think. thought you've had a nice day. No, because then when I aren't, then he was like, he was jolly. He was jolly. He was jolly. He was awake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He wasn't like falling. No, no, he had a few drinks. Oh, yeah. Sorry, your chin hair. Did you then get it? Yeah, of course I got it. I just think, I don't understand why it just comes out. Like, honestly, I wake up one day and it's three inches long.

Me too. And I actually think I have two now, Sparrow. So, they're such weird hairs, aren't they? Like bright white. Oh, mine is dark, babe. Mine is jet black. Mine's like grey. It's like a grey chin hair.

Mine is like colour of my hair. Oh dear. That's what I think. Why is no one telling me this? Because they won't spot it. You won't spot it until you spot it. No, that's not true because you know when you look at old ladies and you think, how have you not seen all the many hairs on your face?

They think there's too many and they don't give a shit. That's the difference. Do they really not give a shit? I don't think so. Maybe, you know, I'm not trying to be ages here, but maybe we should start giving a shit about the males that grow up, the hairs that grow out of our chin. Maybe we should, but like we're of different opinions. Like I genuinely think if someone's got a bogey food in their teeth

I just think don't worry I see it but it doesn't bother me And I'm not going to tell you. Oh no no no obviously I would never tell you But like when they go home do they not see that thing And they're like like the bogey or the food in their teeth Yeah and they get rid of that But the chin hair I just think like maybe you just stop caring I will never ever stop caring about the rope that is on my fucking chain

Also It is thick like honestly I could save someone hanging off a cliff with that hair It is so strong pulling it out is like this Yes I know Yeah. You know I met someone the other day that had full laser on their face, their whole face they've done hair.

Yeah, I do know that. The whole face. Yes. Here. Especially, yeah. The sideburns. Yeah. I could do,

I'm quite fluffy, to be fair. No, but yours won't work. You need to have dark hair. Say, Levy. Anyway, that's that really. Right. Talking of things like chin hairs, which are a bit icky,

if you ask me, it's time for the World Cup of X. Right. So last week we drew 16 Ix out of a hat. Yes. And today is the start of the knockout round. So we're going to have two Ix go head to head in each round. And we're going to battle it out to see which really is the worst.

This is my kind of World Cup, I just want to say. Yes. And well, yes. Match one. I am going to be fighting on behalf of sitting in the bath as the biggest ick. And I'm going to be representing today screaming on a roller coaster. If you're a visual watcher, then please draw attention. Yes. To, and this one would be this, Bath versus Roller Coaster.

Can you see this? And we'll have a round of applause here for producer Izzy for such a work of art. Woo-hoo! Thank you so much. Thank you. You best go, fail, sound sister, as is customary, at Allie and G Limited. Okay, I just think, I used to... Okay, hold on, let me just think.

I just think, personally, there was simply no excuse. for being a pussy. On my thoughts and final, you know, words on the matter, to be honest. Nothing else. I just think you're not, you know, plunging to your death. It's a little bit of extra, like, fun.

It's supposed to be fun. Susan. It's a bit of adrenaline. Susan. You paid to be, you literally paid to be here. You did. And I bet you,

all those screamers, they always fucking pay for the fast track, jump the cue shit. And I think, what, and now you're going to sit here and scream. Can I just, Can I say one thing?

Go on. It is a bit awkward and lifeless for a roller coaster to be, you know, inaudible. No one wants to go on the fucking teacups, do they? No one's screaming on the teacups. That's where the kids are. That's where the kids are. No one, you're not paying from meandering. Do you know what's worse than screaming on a roller coaster?

What? Screaming on the lazy river. Imagine. Do people do that? Imagine. They should be escorted out of the food park, to be honest. They really should. Listen.

I have been known to scream but I'm talking like the drop not just like people are screaming when it's even going up I like that oh fuck me that really does get me actually what you're screaming for? Anticipation

You're screaming for effect There's no one watching you Everyone around you is thinking you're a giant hit It's performative Exactly And you know as an ex-spide Performative Arts No need

We're literally going up the hill Shut up Okay so for sitting in the bath I feel like no woman wants to be a mother and baths are for children They are Good

Do you have a bath every night as a great woman? Babe, sorry I just have to you know Hold up the mirror here I love baths Right But once in a blue moon when I need some me time And I need to decompress Not every night before bed

And do you sit in the bath? I lie in the bath Do you ever sit up? I rarely sit in the bath when I'm sitting for. I sometimes sit. Ick. Also, the problem is, the bath is just

fundamentally icky because when you're in it... I agree. I have to agree. Everything is soft and a little smaller than it should be. People think it's going to be sexy. It is categorically

the least sexy activity you could do. Granted, when you've got a bubble or two, fine. As soon as those bubbles go... Bubbles wherever. No, no, it's disgusting. It's not a place where any grown adults should be. I agree.

That's what I'm saying. I agree. And actually, when you then stand up and we all see how heavy you are and the water disappears is mortifying. That is mortifying. If you're the first to get out and the water quite literally disappears, you think, right, great. Well, well, I weigh a hundred stone. Brilliant. And then their left sat, knees up, small, deflated anatomy between their legs.

They're a little red. And there's no bubbles left. No, I think a little more, I could do with a little more. It's pasty white. It's like translucent, actually. The body or the water? The anatomy. The anatomy.

It's translucent. I don't need to see it into your testicles. And you know when it kind of floats? It's a loft. Okay, I'll tell you also the bad thing about it. Where that water cuts you off, there's that bit there that like the hair goes all like so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And watching a grown man stand up from the bath. I know this is sitting in the bath.

But watching a grown man stand up in the bath and ask you for a towel? No, no, that is enough. She wants to be breastfed too. Yeah. Awful. Awful. I'm not going to lie. I rate the bath ick and I think the bathic is strong. But I actually, like, you've really brought me around to the roller coaster. I didn't. I wasn't on it. I was actually going to say you've brought me around to the bath. Really, God, we're good. Because I do think, like, fundamentally. You can scream on a roller coaster. Well, like, people do it and like, oh, whatever, you're a bit scared, boring. Like, the bath is just generally looking at, it doesn't have to be sitting. Genuinely, they could be lying down, but watching someone in the bath is like, like, watching like a slippery work condom just moving around.

Also, I feel in these instances when we're thinking about X, you need to think of the fittest person you know. Like a 10 out of 10. Yes. Jacob Alordi level six, four, seven. Even Jacob Alourdi would look a little. little bit icky in the bath, but he might get away with the roller coaster. Okay, I can, and also the saving grace about the roller coaster is like, if you're with them, you kind of feel like they can, sometimes, you know, when they screen, like, performatively,

but actually, like, you feel like they're protecting you. Yes, sweet. Like, they're doing it so you don't feel scared to scream. Yes. Or embarrassed of your pussy bitch scream. Right. Exactly. So I think we've decided here that baths, sitting in the bath, stays on.

Stays on. Time for match two. I am going to be representing carrying an umbrella. And IM team tries too hard on Instagram. I'm going to have to have a little think. Firstly, men don't really carry things. Like they don't carry handbags. They don't carry like a water bottle.

They don't carry Stanlies. They don't do what we do with our hands. So true. Imagine the amount that you could fit into one hand. Men don't do that. So firstly something hanging off their arm is a little disconcerting. Then imagine it's not only the little granny brolly, it's the big, full, walking stick size umbrella.

This is where we have, I have to disagree, because I think the granny brolly is considerably worse. Especially when open and blown inside out by the wind. The tall ones at least, they can give an air of like gentlemanly. That's what I hate. Were you trying to be an aristocrat? Ew, gross. Oh, you go to a member.

Club, or you stole it from Sohour House. It's a real estate agent. Exactly. It's a real estate agent. It's someone that wants to be, right, this is the, and I'm sorry, because this is actually kind of a contradiction of everything I believe in, but I'm going to say it. I feel like it's trying to be the kind of man

that would have an umbrella. But would you, sorry. And would shelter you from the rain. Oh, provider, I can shelter myself. I've got a hood. It's only a bit of water. I can't get behind. this one. I really can't. You think it's fine?

I think, listen, fine is strong. What if they can't pop it out? Okay, that is bad. They can't get it up. That is bad. I really take more than shoe with the granny brolly because they are so unattractive just innately and that little flappy sleeve that they come

with. Okay, if the guy gets an umbrella out, fine. He's got the umbrella, he's shouting from the rain, you're like, okay, a big one. A big one. Has to be a big one. No, no. Imagine the little one. Stay with me. It's the little one. He then pops it down. He pulls out his saggy pouch from his pocket, all man bag because he seems to want to carry things. And then he tries to force it into the...

It doesn't fit anymore. Of course it doesn't. Because it doesn't. It's been unwrapped. He's trying to wedge it in and he's doing that. Fair. All whilst you're now standing in the pissing rain. No, no, fair.

That is really, really bad. Thank you. Yeah. Case and point. Okay. I would like to just say on trying too hard on Instagram, why do you love yourself so much? Why do you think you are God's gift to women? Because you're not.

I can guarantee you, you are not. Let me bring you down a peg or two. I actually, it's more than a nick for me. I fucking despise it. I think it's disgusting. I think it's vulgar. I think it's narcissistic. Well, selfies are for girls.

I think it's so gross. I think that you are so in love with you, especially, sorry, don't even get me started on the fucking gym pictures. That makes me want to honestly remove my eyeballs and wish I could ever again. Because that is the state of the world that we're living in. It's disgusting. a gym mirror selfie from a man. And that is the problem.

Do you see this is the problem here? If a guy went to the gym, like especially a guy I was dating. On Instagram? Yeah. Shut up! I see it. This is, she says things like this

and I think you don't mean that. I do. You don't. It doesn't make me it. So you're going to go on Instagram. You're going to see the first picture. Shut up. I actually can't.

Shut your actual mouth. Turns me on. First picture. Jim selfie in the mirror. Jim selfie in the mirror. No, no. Okay. This.

Oh, no. This is bad. This is sexy. Babe, it wasn't, the thing isn't, it didn't say Jim Pigs. Define, defar. Yeah, tries too hard on Instagram. Okay. Tries too on Instagram means loves taking pictures. Yeah, and like a selfie as the lead in a dump.

Also, those boys that do like those curated dumps, I think fucking I'll leave it to the influencers. Also, they always have loads of female friends. Yeah. And everything's like them with like a drink in their hand or like their watch on show. I think gross. No one cares. Also, it reeks of small dick. I'm sorry, it does.

If you're doing that, you have got a tiny cot. It reeks of needing validation. Yeah. But like, girls do that and it doesn't reek of it. Does it not? No, it reeks of just like, you know, playing the system. I don't agree. The system was built for us in that way.

Thirst traps are for girls. They're for girls. Yeah, I suppose that like the boy posing with like his Don Perignon on the fucking beach in Sanctrape is his equivalent of a thirst trap. It doesn't do it for me personally. No, no, no. I'm fine. I need to reiterate.

Sweaty in the gym? Sure. On a dump, babe. First slide. Okay, but I'm not talking about, you can't be picky about your picture angles. It's this in the gym. Yeah, yeah, that's bad.

Gross. Disgusting. Why are you doing that? No one's doing that. Well, so should we add in with the tries hard on Instagram is liking and active? Stories, liking active. Sliding in.

But like the curated like, oh, like Dubai with the lads. And then like the pictures of the food and the beach. As soon as I see Dubai. And this, it's this. It's this on the sun lounger With the drink It's this

That is really demonstrating for our audio listeners A very good example It's the legs up with the beach And they've got their like Their legs are always like wedge and brown They've got their like Villebocrine Fucking fucking wedge Villebocrine you said so many words

I don't understand Vilbequin the trunks They're like posh trunks that all the boys have Are they? Then they've got their stupid watch They think it's really cool For everyone to know that they can afford That fucking watch

No one care Genuinely not one person cares I think this about this is why I'm like Some people do care Yeah but this is the thing But this is the problem They're just icks in general Because the people that they're friends with do care

Or girls want to shag them Can I just say Do they? One man's trash is another woman's treasure That's all I'm saying Because you think it's icky People find it impressive I do know that

Everyone's going to find the umbrella icky But not everyone is going to find Instagram pose With the Don Perry What did you say? Don Perry Trunks Don't paring you on the champagne Don't marry you on champagne

Not everyone's going to find that icky Some people are going to say Green flag, in I come Welcome, please enter But what about the boys? Sorry, we're getting waylaid here by like rich boys What about the boys that like You know, go for fucking lunch on a Sunday

At the Ivy or whatever And they do like fit picks before they leave Like that is disgusting It's disgusting It's disgusting It's fundamentally disgusting It's icky It's the World Cup of I

It's disgusting. It's icky. Disgusting equals icky. To be icky, you have to hit a few boxes and it's cringe. It's cringe. Okay, I would actually say then, being trying too hard on Instagram is cringier than carrying a brolly. Because carrying a brolly guys, you know, it's once, it doesn't happen all the time.

And fundamentally you can change that about someone. But if someone loves themselves on Instagram. They love themselves on Instagram. Do you what I mean? Yeah. Okay, I think that wins. We have got another round of knockout rounds next week. Long fingernails and waving go head to head.

And eating an ice cream and wearing invisible socks. Also go head to head. So stay tuned because, you know, we've got much to discuss. Join us in part two for your galley messages. Okay, galleys, welcome back. Okay, let's start with an email this week. Hi, Allie and G. I have a dilemma that has genuinely divided my mind.

hire family love I love to hear for the last year there was a sorry goodness oh my god I'm on the edge of my seat

I'm not reading ahead tell me for the last year there was a duck that lived on the pond near my house was it Mallard he was a bit of a local

celebrity everyone knew him he'd warden this is not where I thought this was going he'd waddled around our village Barton

follow people to the shops and generally act like you owned the place sweet duck a few months ago I started feeding him

oh nothing crazy just bits of food whenever I saw him, he became obsessed with me. Oh no, you've been stalked by a dark. She's got a pad. If I walked near the pond, he'd sprint over. Oh, sweet thing. I don't like ducks.

I love darts. What don't you like about them? They're just so weird. They are weird. Are they? I wouldn't call it sweet. They're like, why are you looking at me like that? Why are you walking, why sprinting at me like that?

But you had never had a dark sprint at me. If he saw me in the distance, he'd start flapping towards me like I'd just return from war. I won't lie, I loved the attention. Is this a joke? I think this is real. Then one day I got carried away. I had some leftover food after a family barbecue and thought I'd treat him. He absolutely demolished it.

Oh my God, babe, you're not ready for this. I'm not ready. What's happening? Oh no. Oh my God. Can you kill the duck? The next morning the duck was dead. Oh my God, that's taken such a sinister turn. I wasn't ready for that.

Now nobody knows. actually knows why he died. He was quite old and ducks do just die sometimes. I can't remember the last time I saw a dead duck. Maybe they don't just die. But my family have decided that I killed him. I think you did. My brother keeps referring to me as the duck susset.

This is easily the best you well we've ever had. That is phenomenal. My mum says I loved him too much. My dad asked if I was planning to attend the funeral. You actually can hurt things you love too much. True. To make matters worse, someone has put a little memorial photo of him by the pond. That's fuck.

Who's doing that? Someone's got too much time on their hands. Every time I walk past it, I feel like I'm visiting the scene of a crime. I genuinely don't know if I should feel guilty or if my family are just taking the piss. Did I accidentally send this duck to an early grave or am I unfairly being accused of manslaughter? Guys, I just have to say before we get into it, we've got to. what to get. This is what this podcast is built on. Silly, stupid. Forget all your cheating boyfriends and your long-loss family. This is what we need.

This is the good stuff. This is the good stuff. Wow. I, okay, I'm going to say, I think you did kill the duck, yeah. I think it's too much of a coincidence that you fed the duck. You haven't actually specified what you fed the duck, but I'm guessing it was a lot, and I'm guessing it was a lot, and I'm guessing like his small, tiny sweet stomach exploded or something. Also, you know, on a barbecue, usually there are a lot of sauces and spices. And you're not actually meant to feed them that stuff. Like bread, sis, is the rule. No, no, it's bland, like, plain.

Unprocessed bread, the ducks can handle. You can't be feeding a duck jerk chicken, do you know what I mean? You can't call on the cob. He's going to choke. He's not got teeth. Do you know what I mean? Have you had an... Maybe you could do an autopsy.

Because that would put your mind to rest. Imagine the horror in this tiny village when everyone walked past and saw a dead duck beside the lake. Not a dead duck. The one and only dead duck. The one and only dead duck. Donald. Dead.

I do think, I am so sorry, I do think you have, I think you have accidentally, I believe they call this involuntary manslaughter. Yes, because involuntary, and what I will say, if this makes you feel a little better, I'm sure that duck had never experienced barbecue food before. So maybe he died really happy. I always think this. If you, at least he died with a full belly, having tasted something he might not have tried before. Exactly. And that is a way, that's the way I want to go. Agree. One day. Agree. God forbid, that day will come. No, don't worry. If I need to kill G off, I'll just like, when she's in the hospital bed, I'll just bring some really. really like spicy wink stop and she will just pass away. I will just pass away and I'll be happy to do so

because I've eaten well. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and you'll have that last little succulent bite of chicken and then you'll be on your merry way. Me and that duck were kindredred spirits. I would happily overeat myself to death. I'd have a lovely time. It's a lovely way to go. I do think you killed him. I have it. You definitely killed him.

If this was a murder mystery dot series, this prime suspect would be you. Yes. Because it's not a coincidence. Quacket for Christy. Exactly. Babe, that's brilliant. Ducks.

lifespan is five to 15 years 15 years that's amazing that's longer than a dog wow five to 15 is too much variety yeah I agree what's happening in the duck's life and then apparently they die in or near water well obviously

they're ducks in or near water so they do kind of oh no fox goes and eats them oh yeah I knew the fox would be about the fox has got something like then in fact you're actually lucky you witnessed the dead duck before the Fox got to it because there's nothing to say that the fox couldn't have got there first.

Worse to have a missing duck than a dead duck because then everyone's kind of holding on hope for Donald Duck coming back. That is worse. That's worse. That's worse. That's like when people lose their dogs. Or being ghosted. It's the same thing. It's worse than to just be told, I don't fancy it. Better to know. Better to know.

Just say you don't fancy me. Anyway, maybe you need to take some time to process your actions. I wouldn't admit it to the wider community person. I agree. That as a family joke. Totally agree. I think it's a good gag. I think you should... What's not a gag babe? It's the truth. Yeah, it's the truth.

And I think you should abstain now from eating duck just out of, you know, pure memory. Respect. And that can be your, you know, your punishment. And let this be a lesson to you, you know, that ducks, whoever's listening, if you are thinking about feeding ducks on the pond, your leftover barbecue, please don't.

Same with pigeons. I see this woman on the common. She's feeding the pigeons all sorts of things. And I think, sis, they're not meant to eat that. Like, what is she feeding them? I don't, I can't see what's in her handbook, doesn't look like bread. And I think, suss.

Okay, now time for a voice note. Hi, girls. I thought I'd just send you a voice note because I have like the craziest story ever about one of my housemates. So we went to uni in Leeds and she went on this hinge date with this guy. The date went really well

so then she went back to his house. And they obviously, you know, were having sex and stuff. And he offered her a drink. of course said yes. So she drank the whole water. They had a little cuddle. And then sort of like 10, 15 minutes later,

she starts getting a bit of rumbling in her tummy. She's like, I'm going to shit myself. No. It goes as a shit. Unfortunately, the toilet is blocked. And she is absolutely mortified. So she goes back to the guy. She basically just owns up.

She can't flush it down. I'm so sorry. I've literally just been to the toilet and it's blocked. Are you able to help? This is terrible. The guy says it's not a problem, but obviously my friend is absolutely mortified. She starts collecting her things, gets ready to go while he goes and sorts the issue out. She's literally just about to leave and then she goes into the toilet to find him to say goodbye

and he is eating the shit out of the toilet. That's got to be fake. She was literally scared for her life, as you can imagine. No, sorry. And basically we think the water that she gave her at the start of this was actually laxatives. and that he'd actually pre-blocked the toilet so that she could obviously then shit in it and then he could eat out of it.

It's absolutely disgusting. But yeah, it's such an iconic story now and I thought you girls would absolutely up. But what the hell? He ate her shit. I have never... I have no words. I've never been speechless on this podcast.

I am going red. I'm literally. I'm malfunctioning. I've gone... That's his fetish. Sorry. Is that real? This is where I think I'm going to open the floodgates for kink shaming

because that is wild. That's not right. We need to look that up. Is eating shit a kink? Because I don't think that's a kink. I think that's a mental health condition. Poo play. Thank you, Izzy.

Poo play. Poo play. Not poo. Bube. Consumption. We shall now call Poo play. We shall now call him Michael Poole. I don't think it's meant to be poo. poo consumption.

I think it's meant to be, you know, play. Okay, I'm pretty like open-minded. If I... Babe, if you... Okay. No, no. Listen, let me just spitball. Let me do a bit of improv.

If I were to imagine why poo play and poo eating might be a fetish, I'm guessing it's because, like, you want to do something so, like, gross, but also so deeply intimate of another person's being that is at such an extreme, that would be eating someone's shit, I guess. Guys, listen, I don't, I love poo chat, but even for me, this is, this is a lot. Also, when you actually imagine that, that is enough to turn your stomach. That's what's actually problem. I'm having a bit of a mental problem at the moment. I feel quite violently unwell, because I feel like I can actually imagine, I can actually imagine. I know what it is. I've got too, I've actually got too much of a visual, like, imagination.

I think he watched too many horror movies. He was watching that weird human centipede thing or something. They didn't eat their shit. Did they eat the shit in the human centipede? Yeah, of course they did, because their mouths would tape to each other's assholes. Oh, yeah. Vile. I think this guy is obviously a wronger.

And with stuff like this, like, maybe we need a different app. Like, even Field isn't crazy enough for that. Like, we need a whole new app. A whole new app for people that just have things that are, like, really like borderline could be illegal. Like that's beyond advice. I agree. Because that's also not probably good for you.

Well, unless it is. Maybe there's an old wife's tale that means it's good for you. Sorry. Oh, as a poo connoisseur myself. Oh, because you can turn your own poo into capsules. But it's meant to be your own poo. Although they do say if you... Someone with a good gut.

Because you said you were going to have mine. Yes. You fetishiser. I'm not eating your shit out there. Same. You're going to swallow it in a pill. It's not the same. It's not the same because you're not the same because you're not the same because

your shoveling brown sh- That's make me sick. It's making me sick in my mouth. I'm sick in my mouth. Guys, I'm so sorry if you're listening to this, like eating your lunch, your breakfast, because that is really quite vile. Wow, guys, those are two brilliant, brilliant stories. More of that.

Please keep them coming. Guys, also, if you're lucky enough to be in a friendship group with an absolute gold mind of a story like that, then you need to share. You know, everywhere I go, people are like, oh my God, yeah, we've got the craziest stories. Well, where are they? Tell us.

Please. Okay, it is now time for the galley gossip. It's time for the galley gossip. We've got a DM from Ross, who saw our clip about Bumble AI and thought the gays were going one step further. The gays are always going one step further. True. We're always a step behind the gaze is one thing you can just, you know, be sure on. Hey, Galley's, I've just seen that Grindr is launching this new AI feature and I genuinely need to discuss.

for $200 a month. My reformer Pilates isn't even that. $200 a month. That's dollars. Dollars. Is it that different anymore? Yeah. Dollars, I think.

What is it? 100? Is it half? That's probably 170, 180. Oh, much better. 20 quid off, thank God. It will basically arrange hookups for you with people it thinks you'll fancy. And apparently it's already live in the US.

Hey, baby, you can't put a price on love. You can't. True. True. That's why everyone's paying for Raya. Yeah. Apart from me. Because I can't get on Raya. The AI studies your type, works out who nearby is online and ready to meet, predicts who's most likely to say yes and speeds up the whole process of getting someone around to your house.

But here's the bit that sent me. It can actually start conversations for you and begin warming people up on your behalf. God, imagine if it said something really rogue and you were like, I didn't mean that. I don't actually like that, you know? I don't like that. And the other person doesn't even know they're chatting to a bot. Why are we going backwards on consent?

Yeah, I don't like that. It's like we're backing up on consent. Consent is good, guys, more consent. Is this still okay? No, but it's still feel good. But they don't know that. Exactly, it is, you're not consenting to being spoken to by a chat.

Even like Amazon will say, do you mind speaking to a chat bot. Yeah, I do mind, actually. Can I have a real person? Yeah, true. Or no, actually, I don't mind. I always mind. Because the bot never knows.

Can I sorry. Sidetrack. But they always say that. the bot can help you. The bot I've never ever been helped by a bot in my fucking life. Exactly. So apparently we've now reached a point where artificial intelligence is organising your hookups and flirting for you.

The gays are absolutely unhinged. Listen, you said it, brother. I feel like, also the gays are so, like, they are better at hookups. Agree. Well, they're so shameless with it. And when I hear, like, guy's stories of hookups on Grindr, I'm like, wow, we. You had half an hour free in your day. You know, it's just going someone in.

Yeah. Yeah. They're honestly like, it's like a routine dental appointment at this point. Yes. Yes. They just get them in, get them out. No waiting room needed. Do you know what I mean? And AI is highly efficient. To be honest, I write that for efficiency.

Me too. And also like at least, I suppose everyone is on the same page. Maybe the consent is just signing up to Grindr. The only thing is that I would be embarrassed if my AI said something I didn't actually like, or cringe. Like if my AI said something like your eyes are as blue as the ocean and I can't wait to swim in them. I would die. I'd have to delete that.

I don't know how that just came off the top of my head. I'm such romantic. Maybe I do say stuff like that. Honestly. You don't say stuff like that. No way, but I don't even know. Gun to my head, ask me the colour of the eyes the guy I'm dating has. Okay, this is a topic for next week because you do need, we need to fine tune this.

I have no attention to detail. But why? I think they're like a hazel, but they could be brown or green. Right, so I don't think they're blue. Because I've got blue eyes, so I would know that. I asked him, I asked her, sorry, does he wear any rings? She's got no idea. I've got no idea.

Would you know that if I asked you? Has he got rings? My man don't have rings. Right. And you know that. And he's got blue eyes. Yeah, fact, actually. Okay.

I know the important stuff. Like. Wouldn't you like to know? If you want to get involved in next week's Galeigh Gossip, please send us a DM on Instagram or drop us a comment on YouTube. or Spotify to be featured, and please keep them coming. If you've got a story or a dilemma that only we can help you with, then please send a voice note to our WhatsApp on 07342-617-792.

Or click the link in the episode description. You can also send us an email at hello at leave-emessagepod.com. Bye! See you next week! And don't be eating anyone shit.