Leave A Message with Ally & G - The Art of Squirting And My Family Didn’t Invite My BOYFRIEND?!

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Is it 2010? You’d think so! G has taken up doomscrolling Facebook as her latest pastime whereas Ally is coming to terms with her new found-fashionista boyfriend.Meanwhile, one Gally is bitter that her boyfriend didn’t get a plus-one to her family wedding, and another Gally… well, let’s just say she could use a masterclass in making it rain!FANCY SENDING A VOICENOTE/MESSAGE GALLY? Send your voice note to: https://wa.me/message/UH4DASEKPFQBA1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (Oh, and don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details!)OR, you can write us email an on [e-mail] us at @leaveamessagepodcast on socials!Listen every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello! You've reached Leave a message with me, Ali. And me, G. This is a podcast where we help the galle's in need. Whether you're questioning to bury a hamster for your bestie. Or your psychic is a little too on the nose. This is the podcast for you. Welcome back. I'm seeing the psychic today. Yeah, this afternoon. Four o'clock. I have your calendars. I have literally given that woman so much business. My mom's going to see her. Is she? Bra was going to see her. My mum was like, how do I make sure she doesn't look me up? And I was like, obviously change your WhatsApp name. Yeah, fine, obviously.

But also, I just think, like... This is what I mean, I'm like, if you have to... If that's going to make you feel better, like, I don't have to do that. Yeah. But if that's what helps you believe it, then fine. Yeah, good. You know? My mum met that woman the other day. Right, so what was that about?

Oh, I've got a present for you from my mum. Don't let me forget. She went to this shop. She went to this shop. She went to this shop in... Stowe on the world, which by the way, guys, is so trendy nowadays. Like, what's the crack? Like, when I was growing up, like, Stowe was not cool.

Now, like, everyone's like, what, coming there for weekends away, romantic trips and, like, wine bars. I don't know. That's like Brickston. Do you know what I mean? Like, there was just pockets that used to just be like, no one gave a shit about. And now all of a sudden, everyone wants to live there. Yeah. Yeah.

So, anyway, there was this new shop that my mum was in. Anyway, the woman that owns it is a little witchy. Is she actually witchy? Well, who knows, but my mum was talking about buying us presents. Right. Speaking code. Yes. And she was...

Based on what's been going on. She was, yes. And she was like buying us presents. And the woman out of nowhere said to mum, is everything okay? Yeah. And my mum was like, oh, my mum's like, oversharer. She's a scalcer. She's like, oh, gosh, no.

This is the other day. The other day, this week. Right. Okay. And anyway, the world. woman then gives her this wax melt and says that she's put a spell on the wax melt and that we need to sit and put the wax melt in like, you know, with the tea light underneath and let it burn and then the spell will apparently cast. When we're going to do this? Well, exactly.

Put it in the diary. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we've got a free day. And then her sister also does soul reading. I don't quite know what that is. Did she do a soul reading? Did you do a soul reading? I haven't done the soul reading. I've got the card for the soldier. It's soul reading. I'll honestly do it all at this point. So yeah, so she must be a little witch. It must run in the family. Oh my God, we've got to, I'm not joking. Let's block out two hours for that wax melt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it takes a while time. Yeah, yeah, and you have to sit there and do chanting and stuff. And mum said she was very serious about it. The whack, like, she was explaining to mum, like, exactly what happened and, like, what spell she'd cast on the wax mat. And then she said, take the wax melt to your daughter. Wow. Yeah, so anyway, lots of cyclics in my eyes.

I don't think people really, like, know just how, like, witchy we are. are. Like we would make like major decisions based on like spirit guide, psychics, harrow readings. The moon. We would. 100%. Yeah. Oh, honestly at this point, even my Metro horoscope. Oh. I make some serious decisions based on that. To be honest, those ones don't do it for me. Really? I like the ones on Instagram. I like the ones on TikTok. Fine. That they're like, no hashtags. You'll only see this if it's meant for you. Yeah. Olivia keeps engaging with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she sends them and then I feel like I have to watch them to the end. Yeah. Do you remember?

like all those things on Facebook. Guys, oh my God, also Facebook, who? I love Facebook at the moment. What are you doing on Facebook? Checking who and who hasn't had babies. Oh yeah, I know. Everyone from school, also it's hilarious. Who's still posting on Facebook?

All of the... Everyone I went to school with, there must be something to do with the Cotswold School. They're all on there giving me their life updates. Their first babies, second babies. Wedding photos. I actually, that to me is too much. Imagine seeing...

Imagine having two babies. Babe, imagine seeing a girl. in your year with three babies. It's overwhelming is what it is. It's overwhelming. It makes you think are we, are we the same age? Are we living on the same timeline? It's time just moving slower for me. No, I just think, I really do think this a lot. We just had a different start in life. We had a later start much, much later. It's like there's a time difference from like the Cotswolds to London. Genuinely, yeah. And I'm just a bit behind. But like, yeah, because like people in like small towns, small villages, like rural areas, like they, you know, their life starts as in this is, obviously

a beautiful thing, but their life does start when they get married and have children and then they can make a home. Whereas like, our life starts when we get rich and famous, should I mean, like, priorities. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yes, I know, but I do find it fascinating. And then I think it's so weird actually because like, I kind of want to like comment and be like, oh, congrats. No, no, no. I know exactly what you mean. So I'm like, I don't know why I would do that. But anyway, I have something in a lovely time on Facebook. I have that with the weddings a lot. Yes. Even on Instagram, because like a lot of my school friends are now starting to get married. obviously we're 30 and I'm like you're a teen bright

tears in my eyes honestly tears on my guitar tears on my fucking guitar can't believe it and I want to always comment like girls like even year below and I'm like I want to comment being like oh my god congrats like what the fuck I know obviously I don't do that no obviously not that would be mortifying well I'll tell you some interesting well we're looking at it from that way Nige, her real name is not Nijch, but she likes to be anonymous.

She is like my best friend from school. I've known her for 15 years. And she is friends with all the people that I wasn't friends with because she, everyone liked her. So I get all of my gossip secondhand from her. Nige saw one girl that we went to school with. Me and her, to be honest, were like, no, I wouldn't say we were sworn enemies. We weren't the best of friends. I had a lot of sworn enemies.

I was going to say one of many. She was like a mean girl, even meaner than me, if you can be. believe it. Well, then that is true. Anyway, Nide and her were in the same house and like, Nige really got a free path. Everyone loved her. No one was mean to her. I don't really know why. Because Nige is like the most like authentic person. She's the most lovable. You can't hate her. It is impossible to hate that girl. It's fully impossible because she just lives on her own planet. Yeah. By her own rule book. Yeah. So they went for dinner and this girl, let's call her Patricia. Cool. She was like, oh my God. Like obviously had been watching every single thing I'd done.

And she was like, well, Ali and G. And I was like, God, isn't that interesting? That people watch you as well as you watch them. And not just watch, like, in my mute detail. Like, she knew, oh my God, and then I saw that they did the Brits. Like, just like specific stuff. And I was like, God, it's so weird when you're like, so you're looking at other people, but then you forget. Yes.

Well, it's far less pervy when it's a two-way street, which is nice. I agree. Because then you think, oh, that's okay. We're all watching each other. We're all just engaging in our own ways. It is weird. I know. Social media is so weird because imagine, like, all of those people, there is no reason for me to know that they've had a second baby and for me to know their middle name. There's literally no reason for me to know that. And in the older days you wouldn't know that. Of course you wouldn't. Or you'd get like a buy the buy the buy, you know, like a kind of like... Be gossip. Yes. That's why I love seeing people who don't post because I'm like, tell me everything. Yes. Like I saw like my cousins at the weekend and they don't really post. So I'm like, what's the 410? Tell me what you're up to, what you're into. Yeah.

I rock's great. Love it. Like, do you know what I mean? I'm like, I should have to see you to find out that stuff. But you don't. No, but come on. The people that really can deliver on the, on the Instagrams. There are some people that I might, I could do with a bit more information about it. Why you so silent?

Oh, listen, I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't want anyone to stop, especially on Facebook. Like, I forget, like, the status is. Like, when people write like full captions, I'm like, brilliant news. I know. Brilliant to know. What's just happened there? I love it.

Or even like, like, the status is. about like their job promotions. Have you ever had LinkedIn? LinkedIn is actually honestly. I haven't ever had LinkedIn. No, but like you don't engage. I still have LinkedIn on my phone. I still get the notifications. I like to see when this person's moving to Singapore for their job promotion. Yeah, no, I haven't. I don't know. I love that shit because that's actually where the most embarrassing stuff is because people have to pretend to give a fuck about their job. Yeah, and you have to actually write like the full like chat GPT like the full kind of low down. Like this was the most exciting week so far at our amazing stuff.

Like, it's just hilarious. I love that stuff. I actually should get LinkedIn. I always think that what people must think of us. Imagine if we filled in our LinkedIn like normal people, that would be so weird. What would you write? Sorry. Oh, so, so, so sleepy.

Guy, I'll tell you why I'm so fucking sleepy. I'm so sleepy. I am addicted to the moon feed. I'm actually. you are. No, no, no. Guys, I actually am a bit unhinged. I have watched every news program, every special, every live... I think we need to get you to space. I'm watching the live feed, babe. It's fascinating. It's like a kid watching Father Christmas arrive on Christmas Eve. Like, that's all your life. No, no, it is. And I was like, it was so sad because last night

they were going to go, we were going to get to see that, like, it is fucking mad. Like, if you actually think about it, they are the furthest that humans have ever travelled from Earth. Makes me feel so freaky. I don't like it. I'm thinking about them a lot, but imagine waking up and just like floating through space and looking up. And like, Arthur looks like a basketball to them right now. That's how far away they are. Like, it's so mad.

Very good for perspective. And Victor Glover, the, I believe he's the pilot. Are they called pilots? Pilot. There's a commander, a pilot and then two mission specialists. But like, are they all under the bracket of astronaut? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're an astronaut even if you don't go to space.

You just have to pass. It's like being like a class on exam. She'll have to pass your driving class. Basically, yeah. Astronaut. If you watch them float about in space and talk, it is fucking insane. Also, what is so freaky is that they're like literally 400,000 miles away

and we've got a fucking live and direct stream to them. We're watching them in real time. Like, don't you think that is mad? And I can't upload a video to the Google Drive, so I wonder what that is. Do you know what I mean? I wonder why? My broadband is so bad. So slow.

So then there were all these memes this morning because basically they went to this, like, they're basically, this is so boring and like geeky, but the whole point of this mission is to like go to the dark side of the moon. So they like orbited like, here's the moon and they went around the dark side that we never get to see. But when they were, and when they were there, they lost communication with Earth for 40 minutes. Worrying. They knew that was going to happen. Anyway, they get to the corner and they see all these new craters that they've never like obviously been able to see because it's like right on the border of where you can't see.

And Reed Wiseman, the commander's wife died just as they started their training program. so they named one of the craters, Carol. And then it was like, then it was like, your fucking shit, your boy can't text back and Reed Wise was just fucking flown to the moon and named a crater after his wife.

Amen. And that is why you don't accept Crum's, producer, is he. Do you know what I mean? He is texting back. He just cancelled a couple of days. He's just flaky. Do you know what I mean?

He literally cancelled twice and this guy can fly to the moon and name of, do I mean, I just, like, where's the bar here? I'll send him this. send him this. Right. Why don't you? I don't mind actually cancelling plans. I just need really watertight excuses and I need a reschedule. That's what I'm saying. Canceling once is fine. In the beginning, like obviously when I know you, give a shit. No, but when I know you, it's almost

worse. Like in the beginning, you owe me nothing, I guess. You don't know me. No, I think you, I think you owe me everything. Really? I think you need to keep me in. Dang. Because I just think like, I don't know you. So why should I, why should I care about seeing you if you're going to cancel? on me loads of times. Like, it's like if you have a friend for a long time, like, obviously I want to see you. So like, it's annoying you've cancelled, but I will make the effort to see you again. Whereas like, if I don't know you, I don't give a fuck, goodbye. But she's met him.

She's hooked lying the sinker now. She's had a taste of the medicine. Absolutely. In the dog. Exactly. Oh, that dog was cute to be fair. The dog will let you. Well, tomorrow, guys, I will be putting it in the chat if I go or not.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm thrilled for the update. I love it. I live for it. I do. I really, really do. Have you got any other updates for us?

I actually saw my boyfriend for the first time this year this weekend. Oh god, did you have a snog? I had a snog. Did we have a snog? Tongue? No tongues, I don't do tongues. No, actually, that's a lot. I do like tongues. Yeah, we had a nice time.

I like tongues. We, on Friday, we went to Greenwich. We was actually really nice. We just, like, actually, it was like we were going on the day. Yeah. So nice. Although we were both in a foul mood on Friday. Just I think we were just like both a bit knackered and like grouchy.

Not going on. Not going on. God bless, he really is the most patient man on this planet. Like I was, I, we were in the Greenwich, like,

in the Royal Observatory where they have that museum or whatever. Yeah. We went in to go for... Maritime Museum. Yes, not, thank you. We went in to go for a wee. So I went first because we bought Babe.

We went to the vintage markets. Yeah. And I bought this jacket and he bought this, like, Ferrari. You know, those like, they're cool, but like, like pushing the boat out for him. The Ferrari, like, no, no, he's having a midlife crisis.

I'm scared of him before him. The Instagram dumping. The psychic. The psychic, the date days, the Ferrari red what? The other day, I said to him, what are you doing? He said, I'm just working on my dump. I was like, okay. He's also, like, at the gym, like, every day.

Four days. I said to him, I could do with the rest day. He was like, no, no, no rest days. I've been at the gym, four days of fucking, every single day this weekend. He was like, no, no rest. He was like, no, no rest. No rest.

I was like, oh, I've lived. literally worked out like every day this week but don't worry about it. Don't worry about me. Doing some light stretching. He's like, puffing, sweating next to me. I was like,

you're, fuck it. I don't know what's going. No, he's scaring me. He's fully scaring me. I think it's good. He's having a timeline job and I think it's good for him.

Yeah. It's time now. He's doing what we did in like over two years ago. Yeah. He's doing it in two weeks before his holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Anyway, we went to the Maritime Museum and I need, we needed a wee. But he, we had the bags. So I went first. So Ferrari read what? Jacket.

Shut up. It's not red. It's black. Although there is quite a lot of red on it actually, yeah. It's a leather? He's like, yeah, I look cool. No, it's like, it's like canvas. Fine.

I mean, like, it's really out there. And I was like, slay. But I'm really trying to encourage him because it takes him like a lot to get there. Get it. So he was like, when will I wear this? I was like, you wear that whenever the fuck you want. Wear it to work. Do you want to mean?

Wear it to sight. Wear it to date night Wear it to bed Fine Whatever you want my friend Do you wear that And then I bought one matching But mine's like tie-dye

And mine is mental And I was like Oh my God we can wear them At the same time He was like I will never wear this At the same time as you We look like two losers

And I was like Okay Got Juan Sorry To have something To breast Of fashion Anyway we went to the loo

This is actually now A really boring story But I went for us and then he went and I went because there was a special planetarian exhibition so I went to the gift shop to look at this book about the moon sure there was a bit round the corner

but like honestly if you just fucking you know use your eyes to scan the room you would have seen me 20 minutes later he's fucking effing and blighting where the fuck I yet or because I had no service where that fuck it anyway we have this huge argument storming down the Royal Observatory like those long corridors like also like there were loads of tourists and it's so echoing in there

because it's like this long You guys are not shy of a bit of public. Oh no, I will have a fight with you in the middle of the fucking M-40. Like, I am not scared of that. And he was screaming and shouting and I was like, anyway, then I just walked. He walked to go up the hill and I just walked down the hill and I sat and he looked at me. And he's so, I really, like, I love him so much in those moments because like, I know he's like, this girl is honestly so darning.

And I was sitting on the step and I was like, don't fucking talk to me. Don't ever touch me every. I'm like, such a child. but I literally cannot help myself. I know. I'm like a petulant chart. You are. You have tantrums.

I can see, yes. And I can see myself in that moment being like, come on, sis. Get out of it, but you can't. I actually can't. Yeah, he's very good. Anyway, we actually had a really nice time. We walked to the top of the observatory.

Then we went to this really delicious restaurant called Rambatan in Borough Market that I can 100% recommend. Yum. It's Sri Lankan. But we sat at the counter. I love. Because you don't have to talk.

It's why I can just watch. Heaven. Oh my God, it's heaven. Got your nails a lot. You think you just took skin off. Anyway, yeah, we just sat there and didn't talk to each other. Yes, I love that. I love that. And then on Saturday, we went to Brick Lane.

Did you buy anything? I bought another, that was where we bought the jackets. Fine. And then we went to this other delicious restaurant called Osteria Angelina, which is fully booked, but we walked in and got a table straight away. Also, it's new. It's like Japanese Italian. So it's like pasta.

Fusion. I had like pasta, but they're new. Then it had like tuna tartar on top. It was so delicious. Mmm, making me hungry. So, yeah, recommend both of those places. Roundbatan or Syria, Angelina, if you're looking for restaurant. Recommendations in Central London.

Okay, please join us in part two for your galley messages. Okay, galleys, welcome back. What should we call the galley's this week? Oh, we best call them. Carol? Carol! Cool. Good.

Okay, let's have our first. Let's close voice name. Hi, girls. I'd absolutely love your opinion on something. My cousin is getting married this year. He's been with his partner for about four years, I think. I have been with my partner for six years. We live together and everything. He has not invited my partner. He sent the invite, or they sent the invite to my parents' house addressed to my mum, my stepdad, my brother and me. And I just thought I'd just ask in case. like, oh, just checking if my partner's also invited, like, no stress. And they were like, oh, actually, no, he isn't. It's just a small friends and family thing. But I know that it isn't. It's a huge venue. There were 80 people going to the ceremony alone and obviously more in the evening. And he hasn't even been invited to the evening part. At first, I was like, yeah, fine. I can understand how hard it is to, like, cut people out when you're inviting people to your wedding and you obviously have to make really hard decisions. I understand that. But I just feel a little

bit like taken aback and actually kind of embarrassed just because I just assumed that he'd be invited like we've been together longer than the bride and groom have I don't know if I would want to invite them both when I get married one day particularly the bride if she obviously doesn't want my partner there so I just wondered what your thoughts were I'm going to go because you know I still care about my cousin I want to see him get married and I'll just be with my family but yeah I'd love your thoughts. I appreciate that this is like a divisive topic. Well, I have many thoughts and I actually don't think it's divisive. Oh. Because I just think it's clear cut. It's your wedding, invite who you want, don't invite who you don't. I'm sorry, that is so savage, but one day

you'll be in that position, able to make that decision. And the worst thing is to feel obliged to invite people. It's different. Okay, in this situation, if they're really close, obviously that is a huge kick in the teeth, slap in the face, whatever you want to call it. But if they're not close and the only reason that he would be invited is because he is your partner, in my opinion. Like if I were her and that was the only reason that he, that your partner would get invited, I would also make that decision. Yeah. And I hear you says because it is really hard, especially when like the excuses don't add up, like saying like, oh, it's a small wedding. Oh, shut up. And you're like, there's 120 people here. Make it make sense. And also when you're

looking around and you like, you can't help yourself, but you're like, interesting. make on the other. Oh, 100%. Interesting. They're coming to the evening. I even have that with 30th. Yeah, course. I'm like, how the fuck did they get the invite?

And I didn't. Not that I wanted to go. Let's just really make that clear. Please don't invite me in the future. Please. But out of principle, I agree. It is wild. It's wild.

And I think I basically that I agree with you completely because I think it can get so political. And you could actually, if you really did abide by those rules, you could have a 300 person wedding because you're inviting like, everyone you've ever said hello to at that point. Well, I don't know as well if you have a big family, but the problem is if your partner is invited,

like whoever else is husband or wife or partner that doesn't get invited or will be like, well, how come he was and I wasn't? So then you have to make weird rules for yourself. It's like, okay, well, if you've been with your partner for over three years, then they can come, but if it's been under three years, they cut. And like, do you know what I mean?

And then your kids can come, but your kid can't cut. And like, it's just like so messy. So I actually do think the only way to avoid this like drama is to be really cut through and to just say we are just inviting people that we really want to celebrate the day with. That is savage and like your poor partner like having to hear that. Well it's only savage if like if they are actually close. I always think this like where is the misunderstanding coming from? I know.

Because you should feel as the person not being invited for. Like if you don't feel that, something's gone really wrong. Like if you're expecting to be there and you're not invited, that's wild in my opinion. Because everyone should kind of know where they stand in like the closeness. I have had this recently, not with a family member, but with one of Raw's friends who's getting married actually at the end of this month. And like I've known the... Oh, yes. Yes.

So Raw and this guy, let's call him Aaron. Aaron. Aaron is getting married to a girl that I really don't know. Like I've, we were at the same wedding last summer, but honestly, like, if I walked past her in the street, I wouldn't say hello. But Rour and Aaron are school friends. They, and I have known Aaron as long as I've known Rour. So coming on 10 years, I wasn't invited to the wedding. And initially I was like, that is so rude because I would obviously invite Aaron. But then when I really thought about it, I was like, to be honest,

even if they were married, I would not invite the girl. I wouldn't. I don't know. Nor, like, Rua and I, neither of us know her. So. And you shouldn't really be having like small talk on your wedding day.

Like with people you don't know. Do you know what I mean? No. You definitely shouldn't be saying hello to people that you wouldn't say hello to in the stream. No. Absolutely not. I'm guessing this isn't the scenario

because of your family. Yes. Like that's an extreme like, But I just think if you can deep it, if you can kind of understand the reasoning, I obviously, like it is obviously different if they are closed. Like that is fucking wacko. But then also that's your partner's like, now your partner can go and be like, mate, I'm really upset.

I wasn't invited to your wedding. Yeah. And then on a real, your cousin can be like, yeah, listen, spoke to the missis. And she feels like she doesn't really know you. And we're trying to have like only people that we like love on the day. Do you know what I mean? Fair enough. I'm sorry.

It is. Also, on another note, having been single at a few weddings recently, quite fun. I was just about to say it's way more fun. Especially with your family because there's like a lot of dynamics going on. It means you can just like move around. Like at my cousin's wedding, if I'd have had a partner there, it would have been hell and horror. Completely agree. Because I'd have been like worried about them whilst I was trying to like, you know,

maneuver on my family dynamics. And like, you know what I mean? Like you can be there then and you can be present. And like I understand that your partner is also a part of your family. of course, but I think it's actually quite a nice day. I totally agree. To be on your ones, actually. I think it's about weddings in general.

Like, it's more fun if you're going with a group that doesn't actually really, unless you and your partner are in like a big friend group or like, you know, I often think that being with your partner, they're like shackles. They are. Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Never assume a plus one.

Ever. Ever. Sadly. For you. Well, also I think it's, you know, like, obviously someone's got to go first. So, like, now that precedent has been set, you can also do that. Yeah, babe, Slay, be petty, who cares, don't invite her. Yeah.

You don't have to have her there. Yeah. Like, you really don't. As long as you can justify it yourself. Also, if there's even, like, a slight, like, oh, would I, would not? I just think, no, don't pay for their food. I don't want that. Totally agree.

Sorry. We said what we said. What Charlie might get married and her guest list be savage. I can't wait. No, no. Oh, savage. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Rule will hand over his list and should be like. No, I've already said to these people are blacklisted. I'm not joking. I read it, I can imagine. But even that, like, what, I, we've spoken about this before. Like, say I got a boyfriend. Let's say you get married. It's different.

If they were famous, they would be invited. Oh, sure. You wanted something from them. Yeah. But you know what I mean? Even if, like, the only reason you would then invite them. If G got a boyfriend three months before I got married, there is obviously no reason he would be invited.

Unless we're spending, like, a lot of time together. Everyone's getting on very well. I'm like, for you, babe, if he's not a love of your life, do you want to have the memories of that day be brushed with him? No, no, no, no, no. I just think avoid the risk.

Agree. I think it's really hard as well, sorry, this is the last, I'll say on the latter. I think it's hard because weddings are quite like obviously romantic. So I think sometimes people like to experience them with their partner. And I think it is a nice day for all couples. Agree.

Well, it can also, it's, again, it's all about perspective. Because I have also been to weddings where I've not been with Raw and I've just been like, oh, I feel really lucky. But I'm also really glad that I'm in, like, it just depends on how you look at it. Like, I'm different because I'm not single. But I think there's, like, if you are single, there's a way to twist it to be like, I know one day I will have this feeling for someone and like, what a beautiful, magical feeling to bottom. Like, I don't know.

I just think there's a way to look at it. it that's not so like, woe is me, I'm alone. Poor Carol! She's come here with some good advice, and we've just shut on her. No, no, babe. I want to validate you and say, it's so find you a bit missed.

Especially you guys have been together a fucking long time. You can be miffed, but you don't really have legs to stand on. That's the problem. So you have to miff in your own time. Be miffed all you want. Be miffed here, babe. We'll take it. Please.

Space to miff. Absolutely. Absolutely. And we, you know, we fight your battles for you. I'm just saying from the, as from the other side. Also, baby, one day you will have the power. Amen.

Don't invite that little bitch. No, she's not getting an invite. Not even an after's invite. No, no. Well, this is, sorry, this is my other thing with weddings. I do think it's mad to have two separate guest lists. I hate, I would die on this list. I would genuinely rather not be invited than, like, that is such a like,

you're not important enough. But now we need people to fill a marquee or fill a dance or whatever. I find that incredibly offensive. I think if you're going to do that, it should be like a funeral. Like, you know a funeral. It's like a... At the crematorium, sometimes you like have only family. Like it's tiny.

Yeah. But then everyone might come to the wake or like the church service or like whatever. I feel like it should be like that if you're going to do it. Like I so get it if you do like a tiny wedding. Like family only. No, no, like 10 people. Yeah. And then you have a huge party and everyone's in the same like, you know, bucket of like the...

The not family. Do you know what I mean? But I think like sometimes people invite like 10 extra people. No, no, no, I know. Those poor people. I know. Did they get a mini bus? How did they get there?

I even know where people have been invited to the ceremony but not the evening. So they've got to leave these people that I know got invited to the ceremony daytime but not to the dinner. So they just went to the ceremony and then left. Like I think that is what I just think I this is why I think being savage is okay because you're contradicting ourselves. because like this is a thing, actually do what you want. Do what you want. Like that is the rule. No, but I believe be savage so that everyone can come to everything.

Yeah. Just get one group that you like and that you want to spend the whole fucking day with. Knock in. That's it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You can't be having people for dinner, not ceremony, ceremony, not dinner. I mean, it's just madness.

Weird. Weird. Weird. There are no rules. My real opinion on weddings are there are no rules. You do you. do you. And sadly everyone just has to get over it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It is time for an email. Gosh. Gosh. Gosh. Baby, you really are becoming a mom. You shop at

hush. You go on Facebook and you say gosh. Babe, don't slag off hush because actually that leopard print code that all the girls were talking about is hush. Did you buy it? I nearly did, but then I got my little white one instead of from hush. So you hush. I know. When I am, I'm coming up to 30. I know. I'm getting quite serious about it all now. Hey girls, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. We met on my first weekend at uni. I am a student and he is a local farmer. Oh yes, this is a bit of me. Brilliant. Do you know farmers have brilliant forearms? I do know that. By the bye. Our lives are so separate so we only managed to spend one or two nights a week knowing that we will live together in the future. I'm so happy. Oh my God, I bet you will. One or two nights a week is fucking marital bliss.

Farmers famously very difficult to be with. Their hours are... Have you watched Clarkson's farm? Yes, I have. I grew up. No, no, no, I know. And also, they always smell like silage. And manure.

And their hours are so antisocial. Like, really, like those lambs, the lambing happens... In the middle of the night. No, no, I know. It's wild. The thing is... Oh, my goodness, this is so exciting. The thing is, we are very open about sex.

and what we like and don't like. However, the other day we were talking about things we wanted to try. He said to me, why are you not able to squirt? Oh, gosh. Oh, my God, my face has just gone bright red. I'm embarrassed. It's not embarrassing, guys. Squirting is normal.

This caught me slightly off guard, as I suppose I've never thought about it. Why would you? He is convinced he is the problem. I am not sure, as he's pretty good at it all. Trust. Since then, I have seen him once and feel, like there is now pressure on it not happening, oh dear, like an elephant in the room type thing.

Do you have any advice on how to do it or how to reassure him that he is not the problem? P.S. Love the Pod. Right. I think there are two separate issues here. Many things to discuss, yeah. Number one, not everyone can squirt. I actually don't know the like... Biology. I really don't and I don't know...

All I know is that squirt is we. It's clear we. That is genuinely all I know because I did once look this up. And all I know is that I've got no rhyme or reason of when I can or can't. I've never done it, to be honest. I have. I actually, I do, not a lot, but like I do more than I would like to actually. I don't think.

I'd like to more than I do. Really? Because I've never, ever done it. Ever. But I know that like, it's hard because also I think it's one of those things that if you go in thinking I want to, I'm not sure you. will because I feel like a lot of all of this stuff that we know is so mental and I think as you say if you've got a goal or like something that you like need to achieve like that's not that sexy and like I think it comes from I don't know I'll like I'll try and you know track when or where

it happens but like I think you have to I think it's all about being like very relaxed probably like certain things that are being done to you I do think a lot of it is like people like in the same way that some people can only have a clitorial orgasm and some people can only have a penetrative orgasm. Like it is a lot, I do think a lot of it is to do with like, you're either like more predisposed to squirting, more predisposed to, like, whatever it is, it's definitely, definitely not a one size fits all everyone can squirt. Absolutely not. No way. I also don't think, I don't know, I'm not like a sex expert, but I don't know that it's something that even, like it's not like training for a marathon. No, follow a plan and then at the end, squirt.

You know what I mean? And I also think it kind of comes back to like, I don't know, I have it sometimes where like, I find it quite, not embarrassing, but like, I think it's quite like, it's quite porny. So it's like, I think guys like watch it maybe and like see it happening. And then they think that like that me, that equals good sex. That equals you having a good time. But like you're saying to us that like he's great at all of the bits and you could be orgasming every time and just not squirting. And I don't know that squirting would add anything to

your pleasure. Like actually, if anything, it would just add something to his because he would be feeling like he's like unlocked a new, like, level, which I'm not sure is actually what it is. If you stop to think about the way that you like orgasm and the way that you enjoy your sex life, I'm not sure that squirting will give you anything more than you already had. Do you know what I mean? But I genuinely think it is like you're right. Like just everyone is so different and you can't Like, you don't want the pressure of that. And that's maybe what you need to, like, articulate to him is that the pressure almost, like, takes away the enjoyment of the pleasure.

Well, this is what I was going to say, is that how to reassure him that he is not the problem. I think that is a slightly separate, like, thing, like, completely in and of itself. Because, listen, I'm not saying all men, hashtag not all men. But I do think a lot of men's, like, ego in the bedroom comes from their ability to make you do certain things. things and like they I think you know men aren't learned in the female anatomy and so they he genuinely probably does think if I do X she will squirt yeah and I think there's a way to I don't know kind of like explain it in a conversational way that's to be like I just just so you know

like go and look it up I don't know what the stats are but like only X percent of women can squirt so like it's actually do you know what I mean like I think there's a way to to let him know that there's nothing, even if he fucking did flips and tricks on his dick. Or even if you were there all night, like relentless. It's like, like, it is what it is. Also, like, if you're, like,

exploring your own body and you don't squirt, like, by yourself. 100%. Chances are. Chances are. Because, you know, let's be honest, guys. He doesn't vibrate. You're never going to do it better than a vibrator.

Do you know what I mean? Like, it's literally designed for, like, female pleasure. Maximum female pleasure. So, like, and never. is science behind those toys. If I can't be in the privacy of my own playing the music I like with a candlelit and a Lilo sex toy and I don't squire,

I probably won't. Do you know what I mean? Whereas like I would by myself, therefore I know it's like actually nothing to do with him to be honest. Like give or take. It can be guys I don't like. It can be one night stand.

It can be someone I've been with for three years. Like it doesn't really, there's no rhyme or reason. So if that like, you know, can make you feel any better even as someone that like can squir or does without any control of my own. Like, I really don't know what that is. So I think it is just a do or don't thing. And maybe one day you will.

I'm actually almost certain it is a do or don't thing. I think it is. Because, like, it is. Yeah. It's 50%. 50%. Oh, my God, really. So, like, you've either got it or you don't.

Next time, why don't you just save up a little bit of piss? Just wee on him. Literally just wee on him. See how that goes down. Yeah. Because, like, you know, it's the same. It's just we. To be honest, it's just we.

And you could just squeeze it out. You could just literally be desperate for a wee next time you have sex and we'll just, it will just come out. That's what happens when you get 30 guys. You can't hold your wee in anyway. Oh my God. When I laugh now sometimes, I mean, I've had this for years, actually. I always say my week is coming out.

But my wee really does come out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just think it's this whole. And I was actually talking about it at the weekend about this whole like, you know, I know that we've all been complaining about like porn and what it does to like real life sex for years but I do think there is like a kind of like separation that needs to happen from like how we view sex and how we you know engage with it by just watching it on like porn or even in like

films or like how it's presented to us and what we actually experience with another person in the bedroom I always think this about films and TV and do you know what fucks me off after sex they just roll over and go to sleep I'm like I sorry thrush you would have thought by now that someone had documented the fact you have to sit on the fucking loo and have a piss. Like, there is just so much... Or like, wipe everything off you. I always have a little

funny rinse and everything... Oh, you've gone to have a funny rinse. That is genuinely like direct route to thrush. Yes. For real. If you want a UTI, fall asleep straight away. Like, that is genuinely a recipe for disaster. If you want me to give you a fucking biology lesson, that's it. I have always,

I have always, genuinely all my life I have always said, I take such issue with the fact that they just fucking roll over. I know. Well, even, or, like, just the blueprint of it. Like, it, like, all looks a bit the same. Well, it all looks so, like, beautiful. I'm like, oh, God, it's just so actually, if you really...

If you just zoom out for one second... Also, it's hilarious, you know, when you think... It's so, like, weird and, like, awkward. And when you... Exactly, when you think about, like, porn and, like, the positions they get themselves into, or, like, the, like, you know, just the, like, movement from one thing to the other. Watch me try and get from, like, reverse cowgirl into Mission Realt. Take me an hour.

I even think it. You know when they put like in films, like she's like up on the counter, they like put her on the counter and then he just, he just slides it in. She's not even made her wet yet. I just think, oh for God's saying. It's boring.

Many more steps to take. I always think the angle's wrong. You literally, standing there, you would honestly would not even be able to get it. Unless her vagina is three metres long, there is no way you're getting inside her. I always think that. But like,

that's not going to change because they're making films. They're making porn. So basically your sex not looking like that does not mean your sex is bad. Say it again. Okay. It's time for the galley gossip. It's time for the galley gossip. This is our favourite section because this is where the galley's can message in and comment and we will respond to you.

And this is where we like to, this is, you know, meant to be gossip, guys, okay? It's a two and fro. Yes. It's, you know, it's menial. It's shocking. Yes. It's the things you might say. if we were to go for a cup of coffee.

Yes, good. So, you know, it's nothing deep and meaningful. So we have got a voice note from Amy, who is living proof that blood isn't always thicker than, sorry do I know you. Hello, Galley's. I have a voice note for galley gossip. Episode, I have a secret sibling and my boyfriend's swollen girls behind my back.

How about not a secret sibling, but a sibling who doesn't remember you. Bumps into my big brother a few months ago. And I went, oh my God, hi, you're all right. And he looked at me and said, who are you? Shut up! I had to be like, your sister. And he was like, oh, shit, I'm a bad big brother.

I was like, you kind of are. What do you mean? Who are you? And he passed it off because I had glasses on. And he'd never seen me in my glasses before. Then he didn't wish me at happy 21st. So really, really, really in the bad books. I think that's just quite a funny little TED bet.

Sorry, your accent is so cool. Yeah, it's amazing. Undestatement of the century is I'm a bad, big brother. Are you mad? You don't know who I am? Are you sure? That can't be right. He didn't recognise her. Living on a different planet.

That is awful. That is not normal behavior. He needs to go and have an Alzheimer's check or something. That is not right. Maybe, maybe. He is a little forgetful. When is the worst time that you've ever forgotten someone? Every day in this industry.

Every day I have hell and horror of saying, so nice to meet you. I had that the other day at that about when I was like, oh yeah, we went last year. And she was like, yeah, I know I was there. That was that. That was bad. I have had it a lot with like people in this industry to be like, especially when you go like, oh yeah, I'm Ali. And then they're like, no, no, I know.

We did X together. And I'm like, yeah. Of course we did. Well, so I am notoriously good at faces, but some people I just can't remember. I can't remember everyone. I have it. I think I've had it a few times with people from school. Like, I'll be like back home or something and I'll like see someone.

Well, it's really hard when they're out of context. Yeah. Or like if they're like year below. Do you know what I mean and you're a bit like, also my school was enormous. Like, you know, give me some slack. Yeah. But you know what I mean? And you're like, oh my God, that's, it's so nice to meet you.

They're like, we went to school together. I'm almost gone it the other way I have hyper recognition of people I went to school with I would love some hyper-regicates Holly's the same hyper-recognition I have hyper recognition I had someone in my DMs the other day and I had to send it to Marvin Holes and be like guys

because I saw that our mutuals were all like school vibes and I was like guys please tell me I don't know this boy and they're like obviously you know him year above at school and I was like what I don't remember you I would like to remember less people yeah honestly you need to come over here I can't remember half the stuff.

I can't remember half the people. I've never. Do you know it's really weird though? There was this whole, it is because your brain can't place them contextually. Because when we were at the sex and drinks, Kendall, the gorgeous girl downstairs who is the brister, she walked in and I was like, God, I know that girl. Obviously, it's Kendall.

We see her every single week. But when someone's out of context, wearing different clothes with different hair and makeup, it's really weird. Well, famously Zoe James. Oh, fuck. That is the, babe. That is your last one.

The worst one. Guys. No, but I got away with it because I was with you, thank God. Like, if I'd have been alone, that would have been the worst time in my life. I don't know. Worse time to be alive. Basically, guys, we had our, okay, preface it with. No, it was a bad day.

There is no. She was up in your face. I was in five for an hour. You literally. I was in. She was in response. This is G. This is Zoe.

Yeah, she's a makeup artist, so like you're pretty fucking close. Up close and fucking personal, okay? She'd done our makeup for the Brit. Also, we were having like deep chats. I know. We go to this Garnier event. I love her. I never forget her.

She's in my will. I love her. Yeah. Yeah. And then we went what, two weeks later? To this Garnier event. Not even. And we spoke to her for a good 10 minutes.

And I literally went to Al afterwards. I've got no idea who that girl is. Do we know her? I thought she was joking. I honestly thought she was joking. Al was like, babe, that's Zoe James. I'll make a artist from two weeks ago who painted your face for an hour. And I'm like, mortified.

I was mortified. Modified. I should be, to be honest. So anyway, it happens to the best of us, but probably not your brother. That's wild. I would smack him in the face. I wish I had a brother. I'd be so fucking violent.

I would. I always think that I was born to rough and tumble with someone. Yeah. I really was. And like you and all were both quite like, you know, that you can. You can get rough and tumbling with me. We will rough and tumble. You will.

But, you know, if I had a brother, he would fucking, he'd be beating it. I'd be, I would beat him up. Babe. I would. If my brother walked into a. coffee shop and said, who are you? I'd be like, are you fucking mad? Strangle you, you piece of shit. If you want to get involved in next week's galley gossip, send us a DM on Insta or drop

us a comment on YouTube or Spotify to be featured. Please keep them coming. We really love them. It can literally be anything. Anything goes. Okay, it is now time for what we loved and didn't love from this episode. Okay, loved a wax melt spell. Oh, love. Love witches. Love witches. Love Roar's Ferrari jacket.

Love. Sleigh. He's becoming a fashion Easter. Sleigh. He's basically sheer lux, love. Love using Facebook as LinkedIn as a safe social media platform to scroll on. Love. Love.

Only spending one or two nights a week with your boyfriend. Love. Love. Love a boyfriend that, like, okay, I know that it's like not ideal, but love a boyfriend that cares about your pleasure deeply. Love. Love. Love. Inviting wedding guests to the day and the evening part of the proceedings.

Love. Love. Love a 360 wedding experience. Right. Love. Things we didn't love. Things we didn't love separate wedding guest lists, obviously. Don't love. Things we didn't love. Your fucking brother not recognising you.

Don't love that. Things we don't love. Things we don't love, boys texting back if Reed Wiseman can name a crater on the moon after his wife. Amen. Don't love goal setting in the bedroom. Good. Don't need targets there.

Don't need it. You know, don't need trajectory in the bedroom. Guys, let us know what you loved or hated in this app by commenting on Spotify, YouTube or wherever you are listening. If you've got a story or dilemma that only we can help you with, then please send a voice note to our WhatsApp on 07342-61797992. Or you can click the link in the episode description. You can also send us an email at hello at leave a messagepod.com.

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