Leave A Message with Ally & G - The WORST First Date And He Asked "What’s Your Body Count"?!

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Ally and G are still recovering from Mighty Hoopla, where they made a shocking discovery about gay men having absolutely no fear when it comes to getting off with someone they've known for approximately 14 seconds.PLUS, one Gally relives the horrific moment she asked a date, "What's your body count?", while another Gally is caught in an all-out war with her sister's boyfriend. Is it justified beef, or is she the problem? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Galley's Ali and G will be here in just a moment with all the goths. But before we dive into that, I've got recommendation that you are going to love. It's the Jack and Ash Show, where Jack Remington and Ash Home serve up a gloriously ghoulish amount of tomfoolery. Did you know, they met on The X Factor? And they're now spilling all the behind-the-scenes drama in a two-part special. So once you've finished this episode, get the Jack and Ash Show lined up and ready to play next. Hello, you've reached Leave a Message with me, Ali. Amici.

This is a podcast where we help the galleys in need. Whether your mates are icing you out of your friendship group. Or your debut novel is out now. This is the podcast for you. Yes, I'm an author. Babe. Don't know what to tell you. Get it on my hinge.

Get it on the bummed. Get it on your LinkedIn. Definitely you need to be updating your LinkedIn. I obviously don't have LinkedIn. obviously you need to have LinkedIn now What do I need LinkedIn for? To tell everyone you're an author. I think I could tell them in different ways.

Nope, I think that's really important. What am I going to put my LinkedIn? Why are actually going to put Director at AlliNG Limited? Director at Allentgen. Right, okay, as if you were doing your LinkedIn, what would you write on there? Past experience. Past experience. What haven't I experienced?

Honestly, at this stage in life, what haven't I experienced is what I'd say. I've done it all. That's not, I'm looking for hireable skills. Hospitality. What did you learn in hospitality? Very good people skills. Yeah. I don't know if it's very good people skills or just a general people pleasing tendency.

Either way it makes you good for hospitality. Yes, sir, no sir. Okay, well that's good. I'm just saying, you know, you never know. One day we might be out on our asses. You don't know that. Yeah. So what would you write on there?

I obviously worked in music management. Yeah. So you know. What did you learn there? I learned that the music industry is fucked. I learned I never want to do that ever again. I learned that it's low-key toxic. I learned that, you know, there's many hours in a day.

You could work many hours a day. Well, Molly May famously has told us all that we've all got the same 24 hours in a day. Is this what you do with it, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? I was a nanny. Very good at clearing up shit. Good.

That's always helpful, to be honest. Imaginative play. Good. Very good at imaginative. You want a dead. come see me. Okay, good. Very good at Den Building.

What else have I done? Obviously now author. Yeah, right, thank you. That's why I was getting to you. Of course. So then we're working our way. Oh, Director Al-inj limited. What have you learned?

That, you know, joy can be found in many moments. Good. Good. And everything's a bit of a lull. And it's not to take life too seriously. It's PR not ER. Exactly. We're not saving lives.

I've learned that, what else have I learned? I've learned how to put a lash on. Thank you, Zoe James. That's good. I couldn't put a lash on before. That's a lifelong skill that. Exactly. I've learned...

No matter how long the night the dawn will break. Okay. I've learned that we two shall rise. Right. I've learned that trials and tribulations are just character building. And it's never a no. It's a not right now. That's what I've learned.

And if it is a no, you're asking the wrong person. If the window's closed, open the door. Thank you. Other way around, but yes. Get out the cat flat. You know what I mean? Yes. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Yes. You want to be on prime time telly. Off you go then. You'll get there someday somehow. How or why? Which way we will go? We don't know that. Look at Jane MacDonald.

Did she know she was going to be at Hoopla? Did Denise Welsh know she was going to be at Hoopla? No, she didn't know. Why was Jane McDonald at Hoopla? Because she's an icon and she travelled in in a cruise ship and she did the bangers. But did she sing? She sung. She's a singer.

I don't know if Denise sang. Or did Denise just kind of one two step? I'm not quite sure. I'll tell you who my new hyperfixation is, Meredith Marks. What a woman. What a fucking icon. What an icon. Her outfit was Slate.

That's the kind of DJing I think you should do. I don't think it needs to be too technical. No, no, no. She, guys, I would say DJ is honestly generous. She was a glorified orcs. Nab. A sound system in herself. Like, the,

The mixes were happening, but her hands weren't moving. But think about like all those Radio 1 DJs. Oh, sorry. I'm not shitting on it. I mean, please, as you were Meredith. Press a button. Like, absolutely, listen. Also, don't shit on Meredith for, you know, being a forward thinker.

Work smart, not hard. Exactly. She's mad at her mix. I'm just saying I wouldn't put DJ Meredith Marks and DJ, I don't know, Calvin Harris all in that same bracket. It's like buying a Betty Crocker. You still get a cake at the end. I might not be Mary Berry.

Do you know? I don't know why I'm always on these weird algorithms. Anyway, I was looking at these things that were like things you didn't know until now. Until now you know them. So when Betty Crocker was first made, originally the mix was that you only had to add water. Yes, no egg or oil. And the housewives of the 50s did not like that because they felt like they weren't doing enough. So then they changed the formula to make sure that you had to add an egg.

So you feel like you're actually making something? Even though you don't need to. You could literally have just added water. That's some serious psychology that. That's good marketing that. Yeah. And that is what Meredith did on the deck. Yes, that's exactly.

She added an egg. She did. And actually... Thank God. And her set list was phenomenal. Banger after banger after bang. It was 10 out of 10. Also shout out Harvey Rose.

He was dancing. We love to see that. He was shaking. She had the boys on stage. I did see that. In their drag. So good. Those boys in their bar.

Their bumps. I have such bummed. Guys, Hoopla, you should not go to Hoopla single, actually. It's so depressing because everyone's on horn. Like, it's literally like the horniest place maybe on earth. And everyone's snogging. There was so much snogging. I was just looking around like this.

The PDA was phenomenal. You never seen so much snogging. Just bareback snogging. Bear back snogging. I had to go home a masturbate. I hate it when she says masturbate. Have you ever heard anyone say masturbate? That is a poshous way of saying masturbate.

You also, that's a fucking lie. You went to bed and you cuddled Mongo. Don't lie. I think I did wank on Saturday night. And genuinely I think I did after our wing stop. Which in hindsight is quite weird. Whank and masturbate are two words. Let's find a different word.

I don't know what to say. What would you say? Pleasure myself. Good. Nice. Pleasure my tail. Spend time alone. Thank you. A lot time.

I spent some time alone. Got it. Pardon me. Sorry, mum. That's really rude. I just did. I'm just saying that it's like a really. really like love is love like everyone's in love there i saw this guy okay so we're dancing we're in

this like we were at hoopla sorry just for context and um we're all there the gang gang we're dancing it's hot like hot hot sweating anyway i see this like guy in front of me he's like having a good time la la la then i see this other guy come over and he starts like really backing into me and i'm thinking oh like what territory do you need like why you like so up in my grill anyway then i realized he was trying to pull the guy in front of me so that he was wedging his face between us so that he could get to that guy. I Bible, he tapped him on the shoulder, snogged his face off, gave him his number and then he left. They didn't know each other. No, he came from nowhere. I watched him approach. It was the quickest interaction I've ever seen in my life. And I thought,

that is phenomenal. That is efficient. That is time sensitive. That is, I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Off he went. And he probably did it to many men that day. Wow, that is, I like that. Sufficient. Go get it. It's bold. As you should. Love. This is what I hate about the fucking date.

It's a lot of time wasting. There's a lot of back and forth. What was your fucking favourite pudding? Like, it's just... It's so dull. It's unbelievably boring. I actually, if I think about it too long, I'll have a tear. I hate it.

Like, what's your fucking favorite way to spend a Sunday? Give a fuck. Give a fuck. Guys, yesterday, we were so hung over and we were having like a meeting. I'm doing air quotations. for our audio listeners. It was a meeting. I don't know why you're doing it.

It was a very serious meeting. Was it? Babe, we spent the whole time just crying and laughing about the fact that we didn't know how we were going to do. I would call that a meeting, yeah. Anyway, this really thick guy walks past. Oh my God.

We like double take. In hindsight now, I think maybe he was just looking at his own reflection, but I think we had like a moment. Maybe we didn't. I think he looked at me, looked away and then looked back, but maybe he was just looking at himself. And I missed what he looked like and then. Al then I go, oh my God, I should run after him.

I'll get, I've never seen her move so far. I don't know where it came from. Ran after him. She ran after him down the street and then he shacked himself, thought she was going to accost him. Well, I think I was coming on a bit strong to be honest because she was thwarting. No, no, I was sprinting. Like, and I was hot.

All my shit was jangling in my pocket. So I was holding myself like this sprinting. And he looked back like as if he was like, you know, going to get stabbed or something by me. And then I had to be like, oh, and then he was like, oh, it was so bad actually. And then she obviously didn't say, my friend was your number. I was like, oh, sorry. And then he like moved out the way because he thought I was running past him.

You were in your athleisure. Yeah. Little did he know I was running to him anyway. Then I just had to keep running and I just had to find the fucking first shop I felt. I could see because she rang me. She was like, I'm in free people. I've had to hide because he thought that I was going to attack him. He was fair.

He was fair. And I looked at his finger. There was no ring. Oh no. The one that got away. Don't worry. The one that got away. Listen, the lady, psychic, what's her name, Lisa?

Liz. Liz. He will hunt you down today. This year, sorry. Famously, I will meet him at an event. And was that man wearing a cowboy hat? No, he wasn't. And he wasn't giving cowboy.

So, don't worry about it. I think I need to cancel all dates, actually. I've just remembered what Liz said. I think I need to just not bother. I don't think that's, no. Okay, guys, I'm trying any which. If you're listening, this isn't personal to you. I think you're a great guy.

And you should probably stop listening now because this isn't for your ears. Oh, if you're actually... Blotty hell. If you're listening, what are you doing here? Yes. I do want to ask that of the people that are dating G. Okay, I'm talking directly to you. What the fuck are you doing here?

This is not for you. This is so the opposite for you. Move along. You're meant to like, I don't know, be listening to football podcast or whatever. Exactly. Get on to Bartlett. Go to dish. Dish is for you.

Dish. Famously we lost a dish, okay? Famously we did. Get there. Yeah. Anyway, you're great. But I am trying any manner of ways to get out of this date tonight. I'm licking my brain. I'm thinking tube strikes.

I'm thinking, I'm thinking... Well, do you know why this has happened? He suggested an activity. And if there's one thing not to do, is to suggest an activity to do. Where are you going? I don't even know. So this is like my two biggest nightmen.

Mets. Okay, one, the activity, because what the fuck do you mean? One the activity, two North London. Oh, God, no. Three, um, don't know yet. The anticipation, the lack of planning. I hate that. What number day is this? Two.

Okay. Oh. He was like, oh, I like sitting and chatting, but like maybe we could do an activity. North London activities, okay. Also, I feel like I had said. What goes to fucking Arsenal parade? Is that your-Artsle parade? Do you know what I was worried about that it was going to be adult playground,

You know Rowans, Finnsbury Park. If he suggests that, you will have to say, I'm never so sorry. Bowling for me is just a no. Like, thing is, like, I can get, I can be one of those girls. I can, like, bro out with you if you need.

Bowling. I don't think bowling is bro-y. The bros do. I don't think the boys. I just mean, like, boys need an activity to, like, bond or bro out, whatever the fuck they do in their own time. A group of boys bowling, I get the ick so bad.

I don't think boys, I don't know many boys that bro out at bowling. Who's going bowling then? Guys, who, who? You on a fucking second day. It can't be me. It's you. Who genuinely? We're in the perfect outfit as well.

Fuck off. I missed you this morning. Guys, I had, I almost had a breakdown. I rang her three times. Where were you? I rang you back straight away. You didn't. It was like 20 minutes later.

And then you didn't bring me back after that. I needed one thing from you. you to console me in my hour of need. What did you need me to tell you that you're not fugly? I needed you to tell me that I wasn't fuggly. I've just told you. I just told you. I just told you.

I'm the ugliest, fuggly as out for you ever fuggling scene. Because I'm a fuggly, fuggly cow is what I needed. I had a breakdown. You don't know like a faggy. You've, babe. I've got to take these shoes off. I hate them.

And they're so wet as well. Why did you wear those shoes? I don't know. That is the fuggly part of the outfit. If you didn't pick up your phone. I text you last night saying, I'm wearing a leggings. Yes.

from some kind of institution and forgotten my trousers. I looked mental, obviously. Because whatever these disco pants are, that's not a legging. So some kind of pleather. I actually specified a nice, smart legging.

Find yourself a nice smart legging. Guys, who has a smart legging in their locker? You can rock that. You look like Sandy from Greece. I literally looked like I'd forgotten to put trousers on. And I'd like been at the gym and only remembered my weird and shit.

Judd, what is this? What am I wearing? Just by the way, I'm going to. Wear it up to. When you need them. I know. No, babe. I'm having a meltdown.

You're not, okay, the thing that is ugly, I agree. Those shoes were the fucking worst decision you've ever made. I think we're going to have to go to the shop after this. Why did you wear those shoes? What can't, what, in what, the, I think the blue, the brown and the, what you're wearing is fine, minus the shoes. The shoes were a real mistake. I could not because then I put pumps on, but then it started shutting it down. So then I couldn't wear my pumps.

You have more than two pairs of shoes. that go with the brown. Brown is such a hard color. I said to you yesterday, now you're telling me to keep those trousers. I said to you famously, pooey brown is an impossible colour to wear. It looks like, it looks like shit.

My sambas are so dirty as well. I really don't like brown. I've actually, I know everyone's wearing brown. I'm off brown. Let it be known, I'm off brown. Right. This is a very good segue into what we need to do next. We are going to write a letter slash text

to our future selves. In case, lo and behold, we forget that brown does not go with anything. Or in case I forget that those shoes need to be in the bin. Yeah, those shoes do need to be in the bin. You've got a link. Click your link. Oh my God, it starts. Dear Future Me. Oh, wow. Why don't we do three things we hope we've achieved by the time we receive this? Why does your phone buzz so long? Why have I got 57 WhatsApp notifications? This is this little boy. What's he saying? The 24 year old? He's not actually 24. I don't know how old this guy is.

The little boy, the little little boy that ghosted you. I hate it what she does. Why not really out loud? Selfish that. Yeah, that is selfish. Okay, ready? I'm technically free on Saturday, but I blocked out my calendar from Fry's to Sun. Wait, is this the one that goes to do? No, no, this is a new one.

Calendar from Fry to Sun to do absolutely nothing. So I could play that by ear and if we're both still free near the time, let's 100% do it. He's literally just said he's free. Next week. So he's free, but he wants to be alone. I hear you. Me too. I was just trying to be nice.

I was horny from Hooppler. That's all I was doing. say? I just said are you free Saturday? I'm free Saturday. And he said I am free but I want to be a I don't want to do anything. No, he didn't say that. That's not what he said. He said I'm free but I don't want to see you. That's what he said. In so many words. Okay, we can set this. It can either be six months, one year, three years. I think we should do six months because then hopefully the pot will still be going then. So then we'll have received it. I hope the pot will be going in a year. This is good. Okay. What kind of fucking negative attitude is this?

What do we still do? You, you're, you're, you're, fuck me. That is honestly the fucking worst attitude I've ever had in my life. Is he's got commitment issues, don't worry about it. I do, I do. She's got serious commitment issues this girl. You're going to have more than commitment issues

if you continue like that. Fine, we'll do a year. No, six months is actually good. Please, God forbid, it's more new. It's more present. No, no, please, God forbid. We're all here in a year. Fuck, you know.

We'll do another one in six months. Okay, so we need to do. I think things like a bit like what we do, things we loved and didn't love. It should be like things we things we hope have happened and things we have...

In the next six months. Yeah, great. Okay. Dear future me, three things I hope have happened are. Dot, dot, dot. That grammatically fails wrong, but alas.

Oh my God, I just look, that's going to be the second of December. That's crazy. That is crazy. What are we doing work things? So there's so many work things. Is that boring? Yeah, boring.

You were like one work thing. well I fucking hope we're still here doing this podcast if we're not something's gone seriously wrong fucking is he what you need to know is he's a hater I've just actually just learned that today thank God I am not my eyes are open, hater

I just said like I don't want you getting an email and then being sad in a year if the podcast isn't happening fair because that would actually be like so depressing what are you writing okay no I'm going to write all three and I'm going to read them out have some quiet time

yeah have a quiet time have some reflection Have some self-reflection over there Why typing so fast? I'm a fast typeer. G is the slowest type he's ever met in your life just by the way. I can't touch type.

She, watching her on a laptop is honestly one of the most painful human experiences that anyone can ever endure. That would not be on my LinkedIn. She, babe. That's why it took me so on a write-a-book. When I tell you, she types the whole... She's typed that whole book

with one, this index finger. That's crazy. This one finger, her left finger. up. Fuck it out. She can't use any... You don't use any... It actually weirdly, these fingers are bigger than the rest of my fingers.

Guys, how crazy are my nails? Sorry, I'm getting distracted. Okay, you ready? Dear future me, three things I hope have happened in six months from now. We've just come back from Australia with a sick town having wrapped on I must lead BSD and had the best time. Would that be? Second of December? Not quite.

Sixth, did you say? Second. Just, it's fine. You can have that one. I booked an effing wedding venue and not killed Raw in the process. Really good. We need that to have happened. If that hasn't happened in six months,

I think we've just got to call it a wrap. She keeps saying this. I just won't get married. What do you mean? What do you mean? We've put a live podcast show in a sick venue. Love? My hair doesn't smell like burning anymore.

Thank God. Because Al's hair is not smelling good. Love you diva. Kiss. Nice. Icon's only. Dear feature me, things I hope have happened are... I didn't write that very well.

What did you write? I'm not telling you. Number one. I've met a cowboy. Yes. Number two, I've got a lower back tattoo. I'm not even going to give that any auction. Did you know I was going to say that?

Number three, we've won some kind of podcast award and we've been on saving grace. Yeah, good. I think we can do that. I think we can do that. In six months. 100%. Number four, Izzy still loves us.

That's definitely not going to happen. I would cross that one out if I were you. Big up, sleigh. Kiss. Love about a tattoo. We've got much. That's a conversation for another. Are you going to send it to Ali and Gigi?

I will have a fight with you over that. I actually will. Hashtag not your body. Hashtag literally my whole fucking life. Babe. What? My tats. See, we're not having this conversation.

And send. Six months from now. Done. I can't wait to receive that back. Everyone should do that. Right. You can join us in part two for your galley messages. We will do.

discuss the lower back tattoo on a different day at length, okay? Okay, galleys, welcome back. Okay, what will we call the galleys this week? Jane. Jane. God bless. Okay, let's hear our first voice note from Jane. Hey, galleys.

First of all, hi from Australia. Love listening to the pod. You guys make me laugh every week, which is much appreciated. This story is a bit of funny and a bit of a cautionary. tale. So back at the start of 2021, I went on a date with this guy who we can call Matt, who I met on Tinder. Cut to the date. He took me to have pizza on this lookout of looking the beach, which was gorge. But he forgot to put his parking brake on the car. So I started rolling away and then he had to like scurry back in and put the handbrake on, which was the first

ick of the evening. So after the pizza, we go to this like local drive-in to watch a movie. The movie that we were seeing was called The Dry, which I guess is a bit of four. foreshadowing for the rest of the evening. So a bit of the way into the movie where he's chatting on and off, but he pulls out, is like pre-prepared cue cards. He then proceeds to ask me questions that he'd written down on the cue cards. So the questions were like, how many siblings do you have? And I don't want to be mean, but I sort of feel like these are kind of the questions you should just be able to remember. Then it gets a little bit more sinister with the questions. something that's important to the story is that I'm bisexual, which I had in my Tinder profile.

Anyway, the next questions he has written down on the cue cards are, what's your body count? No! And then following up with out of that number, how many guys and how many girls? Which, first of all, is like none of your fucking business. And my answer to the second one, much to Matt's disappointment was that everyone I've slept with has been a guy and I hadn't slept with any women. He looked a bit devastated by this revelation. Anyway, because I was young and feeling it's silly. I still fucked him when we got home.

And then when I asked her something to like wipe myself with, he got up and threw me my own top. I have not seen Matt since. I'm also now five years into a very, very happy relationship with my beautiful girlfriend, who always remembers the handbrake, doesn't write questions on cue cards about my body count. Anyway, love you gals. and I guess this is just a bit of a cautionary tale to not do anything that I did on this day.

Oh my God, love you, babe. I love you. Sorry, please can we talk about body cow? I wrote that as well, body cow. That is not a question that anyone needs to ask anyone. Agree. I hate that question. I think it's none of your business.

You don't actually want to know the answer and there is no right answer. Like too low is bad. No, I'll tell you a good answer. What? 14. Shut up. No, I think some boys don't think that's too high. What?

Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. Shock horror when they see my number. I know. Oh dear.

Oh, what do you think more like nine is a good number? No. They want like four. But then this is the thing you can't win. Like there genuinely isn't. Like hold on. There must be an answer that they're actually after. Let's learn the answer.

There isn't one. I genuinely believe that you can't, you can't preempt how a straight man is going to react to that. And vice versa, like, too low for a guy, I'm going to be a bit like, oh, God, hasn't really like, you know, seen the world. No, but to be honest, okay, if I'm being objective, I would rather, like, listen, obviously just lie. But I'm just saying if we're trying to, like, cheat the code, if I was asking a boy that I think I would rather them say nine or four. but then like nine for me no good because then I feel like slut of the year

that's what I'm saying I am lying but if I know their truth that's what I'm saying it's a pointless question no one wants to tell the truth but would you not oh yeah okay I don't I genuinely don't believe there is a right number for anyone

there's been a study apparently so for men it's four to five sex partners with two or three being casual in an age of 18 to 20 for losing their virginity yeah for women it's two to three sex partners one to two being casual and losing their virginity between the edges of 16

and 18. I am honestly where did they do that study in fucking Greenland? Where there's no one to shack and it's freezing cold. I have no idea it was 340 people in two separate samples.

Can I just say then that is why I'm single because two to three? Sorry, I'm a 30 year old woman. I started having sex at 15 Okay. It's had 15 years. You think we'll have three sex partners in 15 years. Three is actually a disgrace.

Like, that's disgusting. That they've even suggested that as a number. Unless you've been in a long, long term relationship. Even then. Fiv, unless you were literally marrying the first person you ever shagged. This is what I mean. There's no right answer. No one should.

As soon as anyone utters that phrase goes, what's your body count? It should be like, thank you and good night. I'm putting your stand by note. the phrase body count I take issue with. I know, I hate that. Did you see that thing that was like, in COVID there were all these like videos of these girls on TikTok being like, I am literally going to have the glow up of the year of like my life

because like I'm at home and I'm doing my skincare. So like my body count is genuinely like starting from zero after COVID. Yes. Like wipe clean, slate clean. Like if I knew you before, no, you didn't. If you shout to me before, no, you didn't. Maybe I could do that. That sits better with me.

I actually could do that. How about you hit 30? and then restart. Yeah, or like 2020. Like, if I start from 2020, I'm actually, like, kind of cool. Is it two to three? No.

It's not two to three, no. Because obviously a girl's got to eat. Fucking hell. It's not right. Did you ever watch that film? I can't remember what it was called. Fay and I actually watched it in lockdown weirdly, but it was basically saying that, like,

there was this theory and, like, it was classic rom-com and there was this, like, you know, like damsel in distress that, like, was single and lonely at, like, 26. And basically the whole thing was that once you've slept with 20 people, people, you can't have more. Like, you've met your husband. That's it.

And within that 20, you've got to start going backwards. I think that they say you, the chances of you having met your husband, by the time you get to 21 is like really, really high. I think they got that confused. If that is the case, I am so royally fucked. I will be alone forever. You don't know that. You don't know that.

21? Yeah, babe, you don't know that. There could be some people from your past. Oh my God, I feel sick. If that is true, I feel sick. Okay. You, I'm spiraling. Guys, I'm spiraling.

It's not 100% of people. Don't worry about it. I best be the anomaly, not the rule. Yeah. I best be the exception. Yeah. That's no good. Sorry, babe. By the bye, that is a crazy date story.

If someone bought out Q cards, I would say, oh dear, I've got diarrhea and I'll have to go home now. Q cards, can you not remember? Okay, listen, Q cards? I mean, cue cards better than a survey. Imagine if they put out a survey and they said, sorry, we'll just say, start from the top. Questioner, yeah. Mother's maiden.

And body, how many sexual partners have you had? And what should be, am I? Imagine. Imagine. No, listen, okay, the cue cards, I don't mind if you have them at home. If you're revising. If you have to learn them, I mean, fuck me. If you can't remember how many siblings have you got, you need to go back to date school.

But if you have to go that fucking far that you've got to revise those questions at home, please. Imagine you went back to a guy's house you think this. I'm really getting on with him. This is great, but I go back to his house. He's got like sticky notes on the mirror with questions to ask, imagine. I would have to leave. I'd like, you're a cyclone. No, babe, but this is the problem.

That's Paul Brunton would say do that. Paul Brunton would say that's good relationship advice. And because you're, you are a judgy bitch. I'm not a judgy bitch. I'm just lazy. Like, I would never care enough to like. But you're not a boy. Listen to what Paul Brunson said about shoulder pads and the right questions to ask. And then fucking buy the jacket and write the questions.

The way you're going, maybe you should start listening to what Paul Brunson's got to say. I actually think I should. Maybe you should look at the Q cards. Every once in a fucking mile. Maybe you should put the shoulder pads on. All right. I don't think you're one out here to be dishing out.

I know. What advice from Paul, the fucking Oracle? You're choosing to listen and not listen to. Okay. Fair. Also, I don't follow the rules. Do you know what I always do that you're not meant to do? What's your star sign?

You're not meant to do that on the first day. Why? Boys don't like it. Not allowed on the first day. Rule number one. What? According to who? Paul Brunton.

Paul Brunson. Paul Brunson. Paul Brunsonson, he never said that. But it's a genuine consensus. I don't think that's real. That is almost as bad as what your body can. To boys, what's your star sign is genuinely, I don't believe in that. I think it's, I do it anyway.

Don't know wrong, I break the rules. But I genuinely believe what's your star sign is just as bad as what your body can. Are you sure? Yeah, they hate it. And then they always, famously, unless you get a good one, they follow up with, do you actually believe in that stuff? And I say, the planets? Yeah.

Of course I fucking do. What do you believe in? Football. Do you know what I mean? I have so much to say on football. I have so... All of the reels of the girls saying, you're telling me men can't be monogamous.

You're telling me that men cheat and they can't stay in relationships because you know they're not monogamous creatures. But you've been loyal to Arsenal for 22 years without a win. Ficked. Ficked. Ficked. It's fucked. Thank God you got a girlfriend.

That's all I'm going to say. Thanks God. Thanks God. Thanks, Dads. Wait, really, you really think the star sign question is bad? Babe, I think you need to go on a date. Let's speak to Roar about this.

Let's text him now. Let me text him. What will we ask him? Say, if you're on a first date and a girl said, what's your star sign? If you were on a first day. Would you never see her again? Would you see her again? He would say, that's absolute red flirt clapped.

He'll say she's clapped. I know he will. Also, sorry, just a disclaimer for all men looking for something that when a girl on a one-night stand says, oh, do you have anything to wipe myself? Just give them a sock. Please, God. Just give them a sock.

A clean one preferably. Yeah. Not preferably. That is like... A clean one only, sorry. This tells you everything you need to know about. I would take a dirty sock. But you are feral.

You're disgusting. You've got bacteria minge. You do. You've got bacteria food. And that is why I've got a high immune system and you're always ill. Babe. Because I've got bacteria in my... My minge.

You've got bacteria if you do. I hate the word minge. That is disgusting. You think masturbate's bad. Minge is vile. I can't say wank, but you can say minge. Minge, you're a ladet. It's awful.

Cuff me, bitch. Will we move on? Okay, now it's time for an email from Jane number two. Hi, galleys. I love the pod. My younger sister's boyfriend is absolutely doing my head in. Oh, fuck. Oh, God.

The problem is I can't even properly explain why. Don't worry, babe. We got it. He seems nice enough and has good intentions, but I just cannot stand him. He constantly butts into conversations that have nothing to do with him and asks the most random questions to avoid silence. I hate that. I hate that.

Say less. It's like when someone says, would you rather in a silence, I think just leave it. I'd rather you a quiet is what I'd rather. Sorry. My go-toe would-you-rather is would you rather have a hand to a dick or dick for hand. And if you did that in a nice little moment of silence at dinner, that would be really bad. I would say, I'd rather, you weren't here as what I'd rather.

I would never say that, obviously. I'd obviously say dick for hands. Obviously, I'd say dick for hands, yeah. Obviously. He recently stayed at my parents' house and unpacked approximately 47 different toiletry items into my bathroom. Ugh, a boy in my bathroom, nothing worse. There's nothing worse than a boy in your bathroom. Gross.

What bothers me most is that my sister doesn't seem like herself around him. They bicker constantly in front of everyone. And my boyfriend has pointed out more than once that they seem, to spend most of their time taking the piss out of each other. I... Sorry. So about you? I know, I just had something to say, and then I remember that's why you've got a whiteboard.

Personally, I think your partner should be your biggest hype person, especially in front of other people. I'm not even convinced she likes him that much. Whenever I've spent time with them together, it often feels like she'd rather he wasn't there. I can't relate because I basically want to live in my boyfriend's pocket. When she first introduced him, she seemed really concerned about whether we liked him.

Maybe that's normal, but I always thought you should feel confident enough in your own relationship that it doesn't matter. matter quite so much. Sorry if this is a ramble but I need help. My boyfriend recently said he thinks they'll stay together for years and he'll probably be at our wedding. I can't have that. Please help a galia need. Oh my God. I think we're going to say something that you're not going to want to hear. Yeah. Well, listen, first we can validate you of how fucking jarring it is. Listen, babe, I've been living with a boy five years. Fucking him in my bathroom every night does

send me over the fucking edge. Also like that's one you picked but one you didn't pick, jarring. Like it can make or break Like Holes and I have this all the time Like think we've got this gorgeous safe feminine space And then one of us gets a boyfriend The wrong one could really tip you over the edge Because it's not easy to

Well actually I think it's easy to be inoffensive in that space But a lot of men don't know how to do that Well because they don't really know what inoffensive meet Like they're just going about their business Exactly and they don't really get it They don't have that kind of awareness sometimes Well also they don't care whether the deodorants like on the floor. They just, they genuinely don't care. Or the toilet seats up. I'll never forget

when I said to my ex. Babe, would you just put the toilet seat down when you're here? Because, you know, obviously, he's like, why didn't you put the toilet seat up? And I thought that telling everything I need to know. Why would I ever put the toilet seat up in my own house? Because there's one of you and two of us to shut up and put the toilet seat down. Thank you. I had that. Did you smack him? I would have smacked him. I did not revert to violence, no, because I never would. Obviously, I don't condone it. Yeah, okay, there's a lot to say here.

Well, also, it is tricky because we've all had it where you've got a friend, a sister, a cousin, a ex-lover, whoever, who you see them with a new person and you feel like they're not quite themselves. And that is really difficult because you also feel like, should I be the one to say something? Should I flag this? Is this bad?

Is this going to get worse? Is this toxic? Is this? And it's really hard. because we don't know what happens behind closed doors. We don't and we never will. And all you can really do, especially with stuff like, for example, say if they're flirting, I don't really understand it, but I do know some couples have this where they're flirting is them being mean to each other.

Like that genuinely is they're playing cat and mouse, they're bantering and like that actually is their way of like flirting. Yeah. If in your opinion it goes too far and you're present, you can say, in the moment, God, that was harsh. Or afterwards, just be like, God, I didn't love when he said X, Y, Z. So that then at least you flagged it and she has the opportunity

to be like, either to defend it or to be like, yeah, no, that actually like did, do you know what I mean, to acknowledge it and to say, oh, no, actually that did go a bit far or whatever. Or if she feels like he has actually mean to her, then at least she thinks she's not like, oh, it's just me, I'm in my head, that's just banter.

Because you've then said that was a bit much. I'd be pretty hurt if my boyfriend said that. then at least if she's actually feeling like he's not that nice to her, she can be like, oh yeah, okay, maybe it's not normal. But otherwise, it's her choice. I think it's really hard. I think it's actually two things because if it's a new relationship, to be honest, I don't think anyone really seems like themselves in a new relationship.

True, it's really hard. I think it's really weird in the beginning for everyone to, like, readjust, especially for the person in the relationship where they're trying to, like, be this. Like, I remember being in that stage and being like, I'm trying to tick all these boxes of, like, being myself but also being what he like what I think I'm meant to be like in a relationship like it's it's very very tricky scenario if that is a phase and that is just them figuring it out in the beginning I think that is okay and I think you have to allow your sister a little bit of grace

because I'm sure like we all we are all like that I'm sure you were like that in the beginning probably you just didn't even realise it neither maybe does she and but I think if that can if that like it's different if they're three years in like if that is the basis of their relationship is that when you're around her, you're like, you are really not yourself and it's like not the honeymoon phase really anymore. That is a different conversation. I also think it's different if it's like you don't like him and you find him irritating or you feel like he's mistreating your sister. Those are two different things. And like if you just find it annoying that he's in your bathroom, I'm sorry to tell you that's not enough. Yeah. Like, don't get me wrong,

it is annoying. But that is not enough reason for him, for you to not like him being with your sister. Because like, I can guarantee the next one would also be annoying if he's. was in your space. Because also she does get to pick and if she doesn't find those things annoying, then sadly you've just basically got to figure out how you limit your contact time with him. If she loves him, he might have to be at your wedding whether he's annoying or not. So you just need to figure out how you manoeuvre that and you don't end up strangling him. Do you know what I mean?

I think also there's a conversation like when you're, when you have a sister, it is a weird like I actually remember my sister and Roar did go through a period of like they would I wouldn't say they would bicker but like they're both quite like they like their things like just so and when we were all living together I would just let them

like just whatever if you guys need to have a conversation about where the cereal boxes live I'm not going to get involved so like you can please say to him I would really appreciate it if when you're in the bathroom you put the toilet.

You should be able to say that to him and not have to go to her. Yeah. So I think it's really important that you and him start to have a relationship of your own accord. In the same way that like G and rule, like I would always encourage that

because I think it removes sometimes when you're the person in the middle, you feel like you have to like micromanage every single dynamic at every single minute. And maybe that's also making her feel not like herself. Also then nothing can be mistranslated. Yeah. Or like lost in translation, sorry, because you're having a relationship yourself.

And maybe you'll get to stage where he is just like an annoying little brother to you. And you're able to say, please can you shut up? We're having five minutes of quiet time now. And he won't even mind. Yeah. It will just be a process of you getting your own relationship with him for the sake of your sister if she has chosen to love him. Yeah. Good luck, babe.

Okay, this is the galley gossip. It's time for... The galley gossip The galley gossip is where we well, we've been hearing that a lot of you are loving the galley gossip. You've got much to say. And you've got much goss to spill.

Yes. So if you have anything that you'd like to share with the group, please WhatsApp us or email us, whatever you want. We love hearing from you. Or DM us. Okay, today we've got a WhatsApp from Alicia.

Hi, hi, gullies, love you both. Ali, congrats on your engagement. The ring is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much, gorgeous girl. Slay. Just curious, though. How does G feel about this whole bum AI thing, it's actually kind of wild.

And, G, you'll find your person, you're seriously amazing. Thanks, Queen. Doesn't feel like it some days, does it, sisters? Right, I didn't actually know about this Bumble situation. So for others who are not in the know, Bumble is planning to replace its signature swipe feature with an AI assistant called B. Great name.

Don't you think? Like a Bumblebee. Yes, I've got that. Thank you. B will suggest So basically B will suggest matches instead of users

having to just browse the profiles so you'll give it information about what you're looking for what you want and then it should actually just automatically match you with people that I'm guessing your criteria

matches with their criteria and vice versa I think it's fucking genius I'm sorry I do I think the most depressing thing about dating apps But surely you still have to swipe through the people that they have matched for you. That's basically what it.

No, I think you will just match and then you decide whether to speak to them or not. Got it. I'm guessing. I don't know. I don't think it's actually been launched yet. Got it. The thing is, listen, there's a lot of like, you know, controversy about AI. But I do think where it can help is efficiency.

And the swiping, I don't think is that good for us. Like, they're looking at that volume of people based on how they look. some like very limited criteria about them whereas this is basically like if Paul Brunson was inside your phone but you would pay a matchmaker because I think listen I don't know that I don't know it's different because a matchmaker is a human that has had face time with both people so you can catch a vibe yeah I can't catch a vibe but neither can swiping on dating apps I cannot catch a vibe that is true like I can't catch a vibe and also you know a bit like how you say like babe I would pick better for you I don't know

Yeah. Maybe if you're really honest with yourself about the information you put in, you can almost trust that. Like, it's like when people go on those, like, dating programs, where you've had someone picked for you based on, like, your on-paper stuff. Yeah. Sometimes those people are really good for you. I would definitely try it. No, no, no, listen, we'll try anything.

We're on our fucking hands and knees here. Also, I actually, I do not like the swiping. I do struggle with the swiping. I don't know what I find attractive anymore. I don't know what a good picture is. I don't know what a good profile is. I don't even know. I've forgotten even to look at like their jobs or where they live.

Like I'm literally just like, it's a haze of six pictures of men. Yeah. And it's just so overwhelming. Well, it's also really endless. It's endless. And also you can always be like greener grass, greener grass, green a grass, green a grass, something better, something better.

Well, this is actually my thing about dating apps. And I think dating, like, listen, I know that I'm not one to talk and I know I'm coming from a place of like not only being like, you know, not in the game but also like having found my person, I understand this might be jarring. But I do think that when you have that much choice, this mentality of like, it's the same on Love Island,

I could be happier. Do you know what 100 years ago, you would have literally, all of us, we would have picked someone 20 people ago because you wouldn't know that there was greener grass out there. So it's like, I sometimes think that the dating apps give you this idea that you can have your perfect person if you just wait. And it's like, no, no, no, no.

You could have your perfect relationship if you picked someone that ticked majority of your boxes and watered that grass. Yes. So I take issue with this whole like, there might be someone better. There also might not be. The chances of there being someone better than someone that ticks 70% of your boxes are quite slim. A slim. So trust in B. Yeah.

That's what I say. Well, listen, sis. I'll be trying that because I'll try anything. And I'll let you know what I think. So if you want to get involved in next week's Gali Gossip, please send us a DM on Instagram or drop us a comment on YouTube or Spotify to be featured. Okay. This is what we loved and didn't love from this episode.

Loved being a published author. Woo! Sorry about it. Loved. Loved Tube Strikes giving me. an excuse to potentially get out of a date. Love to putting your handbrake on. I actually did write on my notes.

Don't ever forget to put your handbrake on. That's the first... Love safety. Love safety. Don't love Q-Card unless you're revising them at home. You know, if you're really clutching at straws... Don't love. Don't love, really.

You should be able to remember to ask someone like what their favourite colour is. I don't know. Don't love asking someone about their body count. Boring questions. Honestly, don't love it. Don't love it. Don't love.

Don't love sharing a bathroom with a boy, full stop. Whether they're your sister's boyfriend, your own boyfriend, your brother. It just don't love that. Don't love. Don't love broing out at bowling. Watch me bro out tonight at bowling. Watch me. Watch me pick the big ball just to show off.

You're wearing the perfect shoes. Don't love those fugly shoes. Don't love my fugly outfit. Don't love having a full breakdown in front of the mirror on a Tuesday morning. Don't love. Don't love the idea of a lower. back tattoo. Love a lower back tattoo. Love sending ourselves messages in six months. Don't love Izzy's shit attitude towards being here in six months. She said a year in her defense.

She said hopefully we'll still be here in six months. No, I said, let's do six months. No, that's not what you said. Okay, run it back. Rewind the tapes. I think we should do six months because then hopefully the pot will still be going then. So then we'll have received it. I know the pot will be going over a year. Get the receipts. You can let us know what you loved or hated in this app by commenting on Spotify, YouTube or wherever you are listening. If you've got a story or dilemma that only we can help you with,

then please send a voice note to our WhatsApp on 07342-617-7992. Or you can click the link in the episode description. She didn't come in, so I'll keep going, I'm on the roll now. You can also send us an email at hello at leave-emessagepod.com. We love you so much. Bye.