Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 1 | Round 1

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

Andy and his pals venture out to the Local Cheese for games, tokens, and battle...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/5zZLBCOo5tM?si=P1ITfRitJ8WGWMtU

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. Imagine an upbeat jingle in your heart as a commercial starts. Looking for the ultimate place to play, the local cheese has it all arcade games delicious pizza and the most animatronic ban you'll ever see. Everybody, high five. High fives all around. Yeah! Bring your family, your friends, and your A game at the local cheese. It's always a party. You'll never forget.

Everybody, uh, cheering their beers. Yeah! Cheers. Don't miss out, come and see the gang today. Beautiful. Well done. Okay. So immersive.

So if you've never played a Borg-like, we've got a little bit of a housekeeping that we have to do. I want to just kind of level set what everybody's thinking about. This is a rules-light system. It's a lot. Very similar to D&D. Think of streamlined D&D. The very first thing you have to understand

that we're going to be making tests. We're going to be rolling D20s. The idea is that you make tests against a difficulty rating, a DR. You're going to succeed. You have to roll a D20 plus or minus your ability modifier. And with a result greater than or equal to the DR,

something will happen. If you do not match, greater than equal to the DR, something else will happen. For your information, enemies actually don't use ability mods. They just roll against the DR. So there's a little bit of

behind the, you know, you don't have to worry about enemies having stat blocks. There are difficulty ratings. A six is easy. Eight is routine, but there's a chance of failure. A 10 is simple, but not too simple. A 12 is a normal roll. 14 is difficult. 16 is really hard and 18 is nearly impossible.

When it comes to combat, we're going to roll for initiative. We're going to roll, it'll be our agility plus a D6 to determine what order we go in. During rounds of combat, they're about, again, six seconds long, just like in D&D, but you'll be able to move, attack, and potentially use an item or a special ability. It's a little loosey-goosey there, so don't be afraid to ask if you have questions.

My die move. You can critical hit on a natural 20 with a D-20 roll, or you can fumble with a natural 1. Both of those things can happen while you're attacking or defending. If you roll a natural 20 during an attack, you'll roll twice as many dice. and you'll reduce your opponent's armor by one tier.

Oh, break their armor. Oh, shit. If you are on defense and you're rolling natural 20, you get to immediately make a counterattack. Oh, cool. Very cool. If you fumble when you're on the attack, your weapon will break or be lost.

Dropped. Oh, fuck. If you fumble while you are on the defense, the opposing enemy gets to roll twice as many dice. Oh, no. So you'll notice right off the bat that our GM will not be rolling dice during combat. It's all us. Oh, so they don't roll to hit, we just roll to defend. There are, uh, I'm gonna get to that in one second, but there are difficulty ratings that we

will have to hit to hit our opponents and they will have to hit to hit us. Okay, but we're rolling their dice. That's correct. We are rolling to get out of the way. Yeah. Okay. We're rolling to hit, we're rolling to dodge. Right. Okay. Okay. So, and if at any point, uh, so basically, uh, part of the, uh, the character creation process is that we will roll for armor. Depending on your tier of armor, you will reduce the damage you take if you are hit by a certain dice amount. It might be a D2, a D4, a D6.

Depending on your tier of armor, if you take damage, you will roll to reduce the total damage before you mark off your each day. That's cool. If your armor ever is broken to a point where it reaches tier zero, it breaks and it's gone forever. You can't repair it. Got to find new armor.

All player movement is at six squares or 30 feet. Very easy. Standard movement. Uh, there are, if you ever reach zero HP, you become broken. That means that you are, there are a series of things that you'll have to do to see if you die, if you stay alive, if you keep going. If you ever reach negative HP, you are dead. There are no death saving throws. There are no, there's nothing that can be done.

Just dead? You are just dead. Oh my god. When it comes to gaining XP, do you- Do you always, do you hit zero first? Yes. Well, unless it goes over. Like if you have 8 HP and somebody does 9, 10, 11 points of damage, you die. You're immediately on the negative.

You die. Oh wow, okay. You better hope you're wearing armor. You better hope you have a way to reduce the damage. You better hope that you can get out of the way. Okay. Oh, fuck? Yeah.

So hitting zero is like not, I mean, weren't danger. You're dead. Oh, yeah. It's the danger zone. Uh-oh. Okay. Just for a little bit of context. When you're making an attack roll, if you're using a melee weapon, you're going to roll a D20 in at your strength and as a baseline you're looking to get 12 or better that's it 12 or

better to hit your opponent so I got to do if you're a ranged user you're rolling a D20 and you're using your presence which I'll explain a little bit more in a minute and then when you're dodging you're rolling a D20 and you are using your agility to get out of the way strength does what it says on the tin the stronger you are the more you can grapple the more you can intimidate people with your strength you can move heavy objects you can do athletic feats your presence is kind of your wisdom your intelligence your charisma your awareness it's it's the It's the ability of the mind.

Your agility is how dexterous you are. How do you sneak? How do you hide? How quick are you? Things like that. Gaining experience and leveling up. When, if that happens, we're going to consult the book. There's a whole bunch of things that can happen.

You may not like leveling up. There's a chance that not all of your stats increase, but they decrease. Love that. It's kind of interesting. When it comes to the main mechanic of 13 beers of the local cheese, consuming alcohol of any kind has its pros. and cons. For each drink consumed, you will gain plus one damage dealt and you will receive the ability to reduce one damage taken. Your strength, your heartiness goes up. Once you have

consumed more than your toughness modifier in drinks, you become drunk. You must roll once on the table below, which Derek has, for each drink that you continue to consume. So the effects can stack. These things can get out of control very quickly. Got it. Also, in addition to that while you're drunk, you unlock the ability to have your damage dice explode. What are exploding dice, you may ask? When you are rolling for damage, if any of your damage dice hit the max result,

you may add that result to the total and continue to roll. So in theory, when you are drunk, you have the ability to infinite damage if you're lucky enough. It's like real life. That's right. PSA.

Drink responsibly. Make smart choices. Don't do you want to drink and we endorse. If you drink, drink responsibly. If you take a critical hit while you are drunk or at any time, you will remove one drink from your total. It sobers you up. Oh no. No, that's really funny.

That's right. Getting crick. You get your bell wrong. It's going to sobe you up. Yeah. The adrenaline kicks in. It might remove one drink. It might remove one drink.

It might remove two. It might remove three. That's up to the GM's discretion. The goal of the game is the more you drink, the stronger you get within reason. If you are broken, if you reach zero HP, you will lose all of your drinks, you become completely sober. If you die, you manage to come back to life, or if that's even a thing, you will lose all of your drinks.

So, with all of that being known, we are going to start, that's just a brief overview of the rules. There's some things that we're going to touch on that will become more through to roll our characters. Let us start by doing the character creation process. So what I would like to do is go around the table, starting with whomever. I'd like to go in the same order every time if possible.

Let's do P1, P2, P3, P4. We can do that. I think we can do that. Unless you want to do something different. Only for one of the tables, I think I should roll last. That's fine. I'm going to start by saying the name of my character, and that's it.

We're not going to describe too much of what our characters look like until we finish the character creation process because we're going to be gaining things that might alter how we look a little bit. Nothing physically, but, you know, gear, things like that. So the character, my name is Andy. player. I'm also my character today. I am playing Andy. I am a 36-year-old male who lives with his good friend, Gary Goodberry. We share a flat together. And I have several friends in addition to Gary

that I meet with on a regular basis to drink and have fun with. And that's who I am playing today. I'm playing Gary Big Bundle MacDenis G. Goodberry. And after a very messy divorce, horse and custody battle of our Princess Diana collectible beating baby. I'm gonna leave it all Andy's, I'm Andy's roommate. I'm Richie and, oh yeah, he's Mikey. And I am playing knuckles. I'm gonna leave, he's a large rhino man, but given the nature of this game and the changing features

that I may roll, I'm gonna leave it a little Lucy Goosey, any may change. But I think in general, he wears a tank top, an army pants, and probably has a brightly colored mohawk maybe. Yeah. Just as late 80s, early 90s as you could possibly imagine a rhinoceros could be. Yeah. I am Mace, and I am playing Galileo, the one who never was. And he is still, in fact, a Ninja Turtle reference. And I also meet up at the local cheese with all my friends to enjoy the three drink limit. Oh yeah, Knuckles is also a loser. That's important to say.

He's a fellow loser. We are, this is a common occurrence, it's something that we do on a regular basis. Now, what I want to say as well, just for those of you do who are not familiar with Border Lights, is that this is a rules-like system. It's very loosey-goosey. The idea is to have fun and kind of make things up on the fly.

Derek has a litany of tables that he can use to roll on to determine various outcomes of things that happen. But before that begins, the way this is gonna work, I'm gonna tell you what we're rolling for. And then Derek is gonna tell us on the table itself what we got. So the very first thing that you do,

it's very important that when you go to the local cheese, that you bring something along with you, be able to carry all of the things that you find. So the first thing that we're gonna do is we're gonna roll for our storage. And the way that you do that is we're gonna roll a 1D6. Oh. So actually for this, I am gonna go last.

I think we start with Mace, we go- Let's go-outes-direction. That's fine. Rolls to D6. Tell us what you got. Six. You have a backpack. Oh. You can carry 12 normal sized items.

Under equipment, under your equipment, you'll just note down backpack, and then you can jot down a 12 next to it to note it. Turtle shell. Should I re-roll if I got a six? It does look like a turtle shell. I don't actually have a turtle shell. I don't think you have to re-roll, but you can if you want. I think for the sake of this.

I think for the gear, let's get unique things. When we get to the feats portion, we'll have it every single. Five. You have a selection of Tupperware. What am I gonna do with all the stuff away? You're gonna hold stuff in? They're gonna get me. They're gonna get me.

Into each other in a very convenient manner. I have a four. It is 10, 10 slots. You are wearing jinko jeans. That's incredible. You can carry up to eight normal sized items. And I got a two. You have a fanny pack.

Yeah. That's perfect. And that holds four normal sized items. So that's step one to creating our characters. Okay. Oh, that's under equipment. Yeah, under equipment. Hey, guys, I can fit an entire Xbox in my pocket. And for the sake of Verisimilitude, you also have lots of pockets and other, like, things like that for small, loose items.

We're going to say that you, and we'll get there, and we haven't talked about twists yet, but twists will eventually convert to tokens, which you can use, and you can just say that those are in your pocket. I think that that's a fair way. Yeah, they don't take up space. Got it. We got it. Icebound stop. Yeah. Okay.

The next two things we're going to roll for cheap gear and fancy gear. Now there are some gear that will, and this is important to kind of what I was saying about the rules like system, is that some of these things that you get will have rules associated with them. Some of them don't. Be creative. Think about what you can do with it. So Mason, I need you roll a D12. It's for your cheap gear. Three. You have a scrunchy.

I don't know why, but that's what you have. What you choose to do with that scrunchy? it might become relevant as time goes on. I'm bald. Eight. In eight, you have a small plastic dinosaur. All right. What's the D?

D12. Oh shit. I just looked up Jinkgo James to remind myself. They're exactly what I remember. They're giant. They're giant. You have sunglasses.

Oh, shud. Chinko cheats and sunglasses. I was just going to say. I'm getting three kinds of laid to that stuff. I got a five. And you receive a Lisa Frank notebook. Oh, what? Yep.

Well, maybe we can say, Gary. We'll see how good. No, no, no, no, no, but touch my sunglasses. Okay. Next is fancy gear. Where I roll. D12. Three.

Axe body spray. And it just says the beach. Eight again, weird. Nokea 3310 cell phone. That's funny. It is fully charged and it does have service. 3312, is that you said? Yep. That's 3310.

Not the 12. Why does that deodorant? Not made of money. Used condo. Oh, Gary's becoming the coolest character. You're the coolest character in the world. Roller blades. No way!

I said it got. Jinko Jee's ruler blades and sunglasses? Oh shit. I defy the losers. No, Gary's bouncing back from the divorce very well. Oh my god. Oh, and I got a 12. You get a tomogachi.

Oh, holy. Okay, next we are going to roll for our starting weapon. It's a 1D10. Oh, fuck. This is a big deal. I'll find it. Just make for the little UFO. Five. Five. I'll just give it to you. Oh shit.

Props? No way. You brought props? I didn't even know about this. There's props. No fucking laugh. I can't believe you had that. I wrote this without knowing that he had this.

Oh my god! He's got on the gun! I'm three drinks in the local geez. We have to explain what it is so you can write it down. It's a Nerf gun. Right. With presents plus 10 darts. So once you roll your presence stat, you'll know the total number of

of darts that you have and is worth noting that it's a D6 damage ranged weapon D6 and it's a yeah so you're gonna want to write down under weapon under weapon write down Nerf gun with presence plus 10 darts and you'll be able to you'll be able to know this P plus 10 work or the other P's okay no that works and then just know that it's a ranged a D6 weapon all right all right knuckles is up a three a three brass knuckles what's fucking oh shit he's got brass knuckles No! That's all I wanted! That's all I wanted!

It's a D4 melee one. D4 melee one. And you'll use your strength instead of presence because of the brass knuckles. I don't have brass knuckles. Can you imagine if you whipped out brass knuckles? That's so funny. D4 plus strength? Well, yeah, you don't need to write down plus strength.

Just know that melee uses strength to test. Got it. No? Two. A set of plastic cutlery. Oh yeah! It's still in a little transparent plastic bag. Yeah, there's open it.

There's still in a little transparent plastic bag. There's a wet wipe in there with a full napkin. That is also a D4 melee weapon. And you know what? Salt and pepper, too. Yeah, it comes to salt and pepper, of course. I got a 10. You got a 10.

I'm rolling really well. I'm rolling really well. The mall katana. What? Oh my God. It's probably made of cheap metal. It doesn't look very fancy. No, it's hard to tell how sharp it is.

It might be blunt. It's hard to say. But it is a melee weapon D10 damage. Oh my God. Andy has been studying the blade. That's right. While we were partying at the local games, Andy's been studying the blade.

Now you have to roll for your armor, and what I will say is that you will have the ability to flavor this kind of how you want. There are four tiers of armor, no armor, light armor, medium armor, and heavy armor. Is this also under weapons or equipment? I would put it, just put everything under equipment for now. Oh, okay, okay.

I think that's the easiest way to do it. Well, however you want. Really, it's just, it's how, it's best how you're going to remember to look at it, right? So, we'll starting with Galileo, I want to call you Da Vinci now. Starting with Galileo, rolling 1D4 to determine what your armor is.

And then once you find out what tier it is, you'll have to describe what it is. My armor? Yeah. Two. You have light armor. So anytime that you take damage, you're going to flip a coin, a D2,

and remove either one or two, you'll reduce the damage taken by one or two damage. Describe to us what your armor kind of looks like. Should we all roll so we can think of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead and I'll explain real quick what you got. Oh, yeah. Heavy tier.

Tier three armor. It's minus a D6. You have brass knuckles and heavy armor. Four. That is heavy armor minus a D6. Oh, shucks. It doesn't have to be justified. It could be something along the lines of, you know,

whatever you are wearing. Your jingo jeans are extra thick. Your jingo jeans could be those anti-chainsaw jeans. Yeah, exactly. Right. Oh, and then I have to roll. Minutes six. Can I say,

for right now. Is it fair to say, I also got four. Like, while sitting, I wouldn't have armor, but the first thing I would do if stuff pops off is grabbed two, uh, two like food trays. Absolutely. And strap them in my front and back. I think that's reasonable. All right. In fact, you might even keep the, you might even keep the food trays in your backpack, which is the biggest container that you have. I want to keep the food trays on me. And you just equip your heavy armor as soon as, uh, I have like red food trays with the, with the marbling across the bottom. Yeah. So and you took some from previous.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You know what felt. Okay. So, just remember yours is a minus two. We all... Oh, a minus two? It's... You will reduce damage taken by a D2. Oh, got to go.

That's your tier of armor. The three of us, we all got force. So we got very lucky that we have the heaviest armor. So Derek's got his work cut out for him. Okay. Next is we're going to roll for our idiosyncrasy or are the thing that makes us unique. Maybe it's a character flaw. So I'm going to need to roll a 1D8.

Three. I'm treating three. You procrastinate as much as possible. So you can write that onto your idiosyncrasy. It's a little bit of a reminder just to give your character a little extra flavor. Don't treat this like it's a curse that you have to constantly be thinking of, but it's a pervasive kind of character trait that is a through line of who you are in a person. Go ahead, Knuckles, roll a D1D8. 1D.

For your idiosyncrasy or your character flaw. Three. Roll a different one. Oh. Eight. You are a bit paranoid. paranoid. All right.

All right. What do you say? My armor, by the way, is a jean jacket. I love that. So it's a denim jacket and jingo jeans. But they don't match. And they don't match at all. Yeah.

Different wash, different wash. D8. Yes. I'm using the Crooked Moon precious gemstone dice. Oh, shit. Six. Nothing is ever your fault. Well, shit.

Let's change. Let's nothing's really changed. Idiot secrecy. My wife left. No accountability. But it was her bad taste. I got to re-roll that one. I got to re-roll that one.

Two. You are an Andy. Oh. So I'm a drunk. I'm insecure. I have anger issues. I'm quit to get into fights. Okay.

And most of all, you're insecure. And I'm, uh, yeah. So I will write that down. I am Andy. Next, we have to roll for our abilities. So we're going to roll these in order of strength, agility, presence, and toughness. And then your toughness will determine how your HP is rolled. So we're just going to go right in order. There is a modifier scale.

Mace, I need you to roll 3D6s to determine what your strength is. And tell us what the result is. I got some 3D6s out of here. My D6s. Nine. So you have plus zero to your strength. So write 9 and then imprint. parentheses next to it, put zero.

Knuckles, you're up. For strength? Yep. Oh, oh, oh my God. Uh, 16. You have a plus two. So write 16 and then parentheses plus two. Why does this all make sense?

I know it's working out very well. Weird. Oh, 11, 14. You plus one for your strength. Okay, so how's good. So write down 14 and then plus one. It's 14. Let's find out how strong Andy is.

Uh, I got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, so plus 0 for strength. 11 and then that's plus zero. Oh, also I'm a buffet. That's my species. So next is agility. Same roll and we'll tell you the modifiers. Whoa! 15. Plus two for agility, you're quick. This is exactly how I wanted it. Roll low. Oh, yeah. It's minus one. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's fucking... Hell yeah. It's perfect. God, this is perfect. This is perfect so far. Oh, plus one. Gary's the Uber mentioned.

I just the chair. Gary's just fucking gene code genes. Okay, I'm lawyered up and I hit the jeet. 14 for agility, so I plus one for agility. Now is presence. This is your mental ability, your charisma. One, four. Your awareness.

Nine. Plus zero. For presence. Knuckles. 13. Plus one for presence. Nice, dude. Gary.

Your battle sense. Do we've all been rolling pretty well. There it is. There it is. I got a set. Minus one. Oh, wow. Really, what is presence?

Oh, I have minus seven, that's not in. Uh, I got a nine, so that's gonna be a plus zero for my presence. I'm shocked we're rolling this well. And arguably, here is the most important role of the night. What is your toughness going to be? Oh, shucks. Seven. You are minus one toughness.

12. Wow, nice, plus zero, okay. Oh, that'll be a... 12. That's plus zero. Plus zero, okay. Why? I thought for sure somebody would get like a minus two or three and we'd be lightweight or something.

Hold your breath. That's still nine, plus zero for the top of this. So it's important to know. Did everyone do zero? No, minus one. Zero. Well, yeah. That means zero zero, I think.

Yeah. So, okay. Now, the last thing that you need to know is that your HP is going to be your toughness plus a D10, I believe. Whoa. Yeah, so we're not as, we're not as squishy as world when we played Pirate. pirate board for a reason. So everybody's gonna take whatever your toughness is, you're gonna roll a D10. So we'll start with Mace and that's gonna be your nice. Oh, wow, okay. I rolled a nine. So that's your HB. Plus yeah, so eight is eight. I'm gonna have to borrow a D10 from somebody modifier. Eight. No, no, total toughness. So uh, toughness modifier. Oh,

modifier plus it need to. Um, it's got to eight plus zero is eight. Yep, eight HP. Got it. Oh, sheds. Seven. Okay. I'm so scared. Here we go. I got 10. I got a 10. So I have 10 HP. Wow, we rolled exceptionally.

We really did. That is absurd. Okay. So then lastly, the only other thing that we need to do before we can begin is we are each going to roll a 1D8 on the feet statement. And what I thought about doing was basically, and I'm open to challenge, this is Lucy Goosey, if you want to roll for two feats and pick one. Oh, yeah. I think that's the best way to do it.

I think that's a wonderful idea. Some of them very much fit our characters. Some of them are miscellaneous. I think they're all good. But you won't know the whole table, right? Well, you know, obviously you're going to be at the most disadvantage because you'll only know the two. So I would say start by rolling...

But you only get to pick your two. You only get... So it doesn't matter. One of the two, right? But like, yeah. So... You know what? You'll have to pick on name alone. We won't tell you what the feet does.

I love that. I love that. I'll... So roll a D8. He'll tell you what the name of the feet is, and then you choose whether or not you'll tell you you want to roll again. Oh, sorry. Yeah, so first start with a five. Five was the first roll.

So we don't choose from two. We can mulligan the first one. Well, no, if you don't like it, or if you want to roll twice, roll, I don't care. It doesn't matter, loosey-goosey. You may choose to mulligan, or you may choose the defeat. He's making the call.

Critical master. I think. Okay. Sounds really pretty big. When you rolled, you now crit on 19s and 20s when attacking and defender. That's huge. Three.

Three, you may mulligan or you may choose sniper. I know what I want you to get. There's a few things I want you to get. Eight. Oh, what the hell is that? Bro. Demolition expert. Oh, that's pretty good.

All right, I'll pick that one. Your exploding dice range is increased by one. X and X minus one. So instead of max, just being the way you explode, when you have the ability to explode, it would be six or five, or be an eight or a seven. Amazing. God, that's so good.

Would you like to roll for your feet? One D-8? I'm just curious what sniper is. A three. A three. That's what I, I think that's great one master. That's the sniper. Oh, that's nice.

But you may mollick. So you have the option to take sniper or roll for another feet. I don't have a raid weapon, so I got to roll for another feet. You don't have one of these? What I want to say, before you still choose to do it,

don't think that you're going to be stuck with your weapon for the entire. of the session, right? Oh, I am. There are, well, I think you'd be surprised. Maybe. I'm gonna be really, I'm gonna be picking up Nerf darts off the ground. I'm gonna re-roll.

I believe in the hard weekend. We can keep going, but I gotta collect my Nerf darts. A one. Fists of Fury. Your hands, your hands, deal 2D4 and ignore fumbles. Oh, baby. So you don't have to use a weapon. You can use your fists.

One of the things I'll reveal pullback is that if you had rolled as low as you possibly could on the webble. the table you would have gotten no weapon and you would have been your fists and it would have been a D2 So this is these are upgraded fists finally I can push some grand balls today Or at least put up in critical condition I got a six you got a six well would you like the medic feet? I'll re-roll yeah Oh god seven your toughness increases by one done iron Damn it's called iron liver iron liver iron liver. I love that

Is it four is my hands? Yes, and you ignore fumbles. Whoa, no fumbles. No fumbulling. If your toughness increases by one, it's the score that increases from nine to ten. So the idea is that my toughness will go from nine to ten. But that doesn't change your mod,

which unfortunately doesn't change my mind. But that's okay. Oh. There might be other ways to increase my toughness. Got it. Well, shucks. Interesting. Man, I looked up that whole list of comical cutlery for utensils for nothing.

You can still go. Okay, if your weapon breaks, you're gonna be very happy that you'd have fist of fury. Alright. And then lastly, uh... ...unting across the button. The bar, like, you mean skate it. Well, gosh. Well, I think you skate up and then one...

And then the only thing is we all start with two tokens. Not roll. We can... Let's roll. We can also distribute the existing tokens that we have. I would save those. Save those. I think we roll, and then we all roll 1D4 digit.

determine what our starting token amount. Yeah. 1d4 tokens in the pocket. Because rolling's fun. Three. Four. One. Now, I have this tankered here. This has a wagon contains pips that you can use

to track how many drinks you've drank. If you care to, you can also just use your character sheet. Just have both options available to you. Since you may be going up and down pretty frequently, I just want you to have the option. of track it to you. Don't be afraid to ask questions, especially when it comes to rules, things. Just make sure that you're tracking how many tokens, how many tickets,

how many drinks you've consumed, what your drink total is at. And because even if you say like, oh, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm at a drink total of eight, we'll talk about it, I'll figure it out. And for those of you asking, what was the sniper feat? What was the things that we didn't roll on the table? We may pull back the curtain at the end of the stream. That's right. When we do a Ventress and Chill.

Easy. I'm glad that I had that prop, and I'm glad you just sniped it right out of the gate. I can't wait to start. I didn't know what to do if you guys didn't roll a five. I can't wait to start firing. Did you bring that for this session? Yeah. Oh my God.

You think I'm just walking around with a nerve cut? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. Are you kidding? Absolutely. How many, how many shots do you have?

Five. No, no, no. In the game. Oh, yes. Now look at your presence. 10. Oh. What is your presence?

Wait. Your modifier. Your presence modified. Hang on, hang on. Zero. Yeah, so you start off with 10 darts. 10 darts. 10 darts.

You don't have to keep track of that. So I can do. Well, this is a presence plus 10 darts. Oh, got you, got you, got you. Three more, so that's actually a total of nine that you'll have. Maybe there's only five in there. It's a five shot.

All right, so you'll have to keep track. But then you can just start. Oh, shit. I got a fist of fury. Oh, and it's hammered back. Unbelievable. You're. pocket knife.

Swiss Army knife. Ah. Sleis Army knife. All right, and that's all I have. And I'll, until, I can't believe somebody got demolition expert. That's amazing. I was really hoping that you got Fist of Fury, but it works out all the same anyway. Oh, we need to describe our armor.

Yeah. So now describe your armor and now describe your character. Yeah. Talk about who you are as a person. I'm stepping on Derek's DM toes here, but... No, no. This is how it's gonna be. Galileo. Galileo, tell us a little bit about yourself.

I'm gonna leave this right. How do you look upon first impression? And what is your favorite thing about visiting a local cheese? I am like a frog person. I'm green. I have a smooth head, but I have turtle jealousy. And that's why my backpack is a turtle shell backpack that I brought to the local cheese.

You have like an oval, head very much like the actual like 90s Teenage Mutiny Ninja Turtles and you can see the eyes of somebody inside the open mouth in a nightmare Not quite as horrific as all that but they're kind of like you know smooth Like facial snout kind of thing the roundish head Do you have a bandana that somehow goes over the eyes and a nightmare? I do have a yellow bandana But I noticed that when I put it around my eyes a lot all my peripheral vision, so I just tie it across my forehead. That makes sense.

You see the eye holes here. I never could get it. I lost all my accuracy with my Nerf gun. When I had the bandana. I gave you Chekhov's gun over here. Galilei has Nerf gun. Galileo's Nerf gun. And my armor is going to be just previously acquired.

Red food trays. Barrowed. with no intention on returning. From the local cheese. What's your favorite thing? Oh! It might be those trays, but what is your favorite thing about the local cheese?

My favorite thing about the local cheese is eating slices of pizza one after another and losing hours at the arcade machines. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Chuckles On first impression Nuckles

Wow What the fuck is chuckles You're chuckles now He's chuckles now Oh Hey everybody Knuckles Aside from being

Sonic's enemy I think Something like that You I know I'm no relation No relation Tell us a little bit about

How you would appear upon First Impression And what your favorite thing Of the local Jesus I'm a large muscled Rhino Man gray kind of tough leathery skin

one or two large horns, I don't care figure it out. Probably like neon colored either Mohawk or like 80s sort of like hair metal hair going on. I don't care either figure that out

fan artists. And I You do it. You do it. I described that I had a tank top and like army pants, big boots, big sort of like army boots, military boots. Because I rolled my heavy armor. I now have a leather vest with the sleeves ripped off and a bunch of metal studs and spikes

that act as my armor. And then to protect my legs, I have a large wallet chain. Dude, you have no idea how close I was adding that to like six. I was adding that to like 6,000 different places I just ran out of time. So thank you for reading my fucking mind. Perfect. The wallet chain. Yeah.

And your favorite thing about the local cheese? Oh, my favorite thing of the local cheese is that on the jukebox, the staff still hasn't removed Highlanders, the one. Yeah! So, Knuckles always puts it on. It's like a 20-minute song. That's fucked up. Thank you.

Gary So, I'm here I've gone through a messy divorce but I've lawyered up, I've hit the gym and frankly, I'm here to cruise for some hot chicks at the local cheese but don't worry that the chicks here are like age-appropriate in this universe. Don't worry about that.

I've got a... jeep jacket. I've got rollerblades that are hot pink. I've got sunglasses that are also hot pink. I've got a jeep jacket. I've got Jiko jeans. And I also got jerry curl.

What's your favorite thing about the local cheese? My hair is very moist. All of the time. I'm jerry curled all the time. Makes our apartment an nightmare. It's so damp. It's so damp. Oh, my favorite part is

the animatronics speak to me when no one else's ram. And they stare at my soul. And they urge me to violence. Especially against folks' grandmots. So, uh, for some reason. Andy, what do you look like upon first impression?

And what's your favorite thing about visiting the local chief? Yeah, so I am a nearing middle age, uh, man, uh, blonde hair, uh, backwards baseball cap, a v neck, uh, wearing jeans and sneakers. I would say that I'm athletic. You guys would say I'm athletic, right? Yeah, I would say you're athletic. I'm athletic.

I mean, you try. I try. There's evidence of, there's definitely evidence that the beers do to my body. Yeah. You showed to the ESPN zone to show off. That's right, that's right. Where they have a football thing,

I'm like, I'm going to use football, then falling and then there mountains, right? I'm going to lose it. With the pitch machine, I try to do it's fastest pitch. Exactly right. For sure. You know, my armor is actually my hat. My hat is unique to me.

There's only one Andy's hat. That's right. And I'm not seen without it, and it protects me. My favorite thing about the local cheese is no matter how bad my life gets, and no matter how awful my mundane job is that runs me into the dirt, I know that every Friday and Saturday night, my friends will be at the local cheese to greet me with a cold beer. Yeah.

And I hope Veronica's on shift so she can... up the living, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of these days, Gary, we're going to get past that three drink maximum. Oh, yeah, exactly right. Gosh, why is Veronica never working? You know, I think after that time you gave her your phone number, I never saw her again. You shouldn't write your phone number on the check, Gary.

I shouldn't write my phone number underneath a large, cartoonish illustration of an airplane. No, you shouldn't, Gary. Is that not how you didn't? You shouldn't. How that how you pick a woman, Andy? And we've basically been banned every other bar on the planet. I don't want to get banned from here, Gary, okay?

I need this. I need this. What about the sweat drops? This is going to turn into one giant Gary and Andy ad. I'm going to say that I've done this. That's very much. Gosh, I mean, Veronica's so kicked up. Hey, I can't believe that, Gary, you're all, we're all thinking it.

You're just saying. Andy, Gary, you're standing in the parking lot outside of, side of the local cheese. And you are waiting for your two friends to arise. This is the conversation that's happening as knowing your friends are just five minutes away.

Oh, but the whole time I'm roller skating, rollerblading. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I really love that you got these new blades, Gary. I didn't know Yeah, you're a little slow. You're too slow. I can't really understand what you're saying. It's because I, you know, I left the helies at home.

If I had known, I would have brought my Phillies, man. Yeah, yeah. You can't compete with my speed. No, I can't. I can't. I have made of speed. I gotta go fast. Where are they? They should have been here by now. Oh, shucks. Yeah, why are they late? We're gonna miss our trivia

time slop. I, look, you know, I am literally shaking to start drinking. I mean, I can quit anytime I want. But the excitement has me shaking to start drinking. Yeah, me too. I gotta, I mean, I've already been pre-gaming. Oh, what? I didn't pre-gain me with a few wide curlers. You know the one you were saving?

What? Or were your cousins visit? No. Yeah, I busted out the wide. Dude, come on, we had this conversation before, man. Be respectful of what's in the fridge. It's not just your stuff. Yeah, but Jeffrey, by Emi, remember him at the deep floor? I do, I remember. I remember.

He was like, hey, yo, Gary, why don't we start pre-game early? You're both hit by the bright headlights of a news van, as suddenly, Galileo in the driver's seat, carrying knuckles, I'm going to say chuckles, 14,000 times tonight. pull into the neighboring parking spot and your two friends get out. Hey, guys! What took you so long? Yo, bruce. Hey, guys. News right now. What the fuck's that supposed to me?

We just pulled up in the news. News right? Are they fucking news around here? Fuck. Oh, shucks. Remember that time? Remember that time Andy was all the local news? And they asked him about that shooting. Terry, Terry, Terry. The investigation is happening, we can't talk about that.

And this is why I can't afford to be on the local news, all right? So if you've seen the news fellas, are you part of the news? Why aren't you in a news van? Oh, shut! How does that make any sense? Knuckles. Whoa. Is that your catchphrase?

Plus your kiss. Remember that time? Remember that time we almost got kicked out of the local cheese? Yes, yes. On account of the whole eggplant with Veronica, I can't believe Andy would make me do that. I can't with Andy almost cut down. Oh, Gary, you card.

Come on. I can't believe it. How many tokens have you have three? I have three tokens. I want to say first drinks on you, but, you know, money's tight these days. Wait, is that the news fan of the famed local weather girl, February O'Hulah. You know this. Why are you asking that?

We've had this conversation dozens of times. Gosh, February O'Hoodlehands is cut the stack. Where did we get in this van? It's Galileo's van. This is his motor transportation. Yeah, this is my classic. He's been here every week. He got it because he's good friends with February O'Olland.

Just borrow on February O'Hulahans and his van. It was that or that ridiculous green van that you have that can shoot whole slices of pizza. at the top. Full pies, I should say. I think my jacket may have damaged the upholstery, so, you know, when you get home, just say it was Gary.

Yeah, okay. I don't know what they're talking about. I just can't stop thinking about how that yellow jumpsuit doesn't zip up all away. You know, we've been coming to this place now for a week. It's a miracle. We haven't been arrested yet. You know, that's a choice she makes.

You know, she chooses that. Yeah, I mean, it's an interesting choice. I have proof. I love it with a blizzard's coming. Gary Meetsu. Oh, I'm saying. It's hard to take your eyes off the news, you know? Oh, it really is.

And with a sweeping hand gesture, I motion towards the front door, the loom of Jesus and I say, Oh, right. Shall we, gentlemen? Let's do it. A couple of divorcese. What? I'm not divorced.

Prouin. For Proud of the local cheese Tonight we are All right, let's go Okay Let's go And I proceed

Towards the local cheese You walk up towards the local cheese And you've all Gone through this procedure many times You know you must present your ID To the gentleman at the front Adults only Entertainment being the venue of choice

This is an 18 plus establishment Through and through The Security Gentleman, the representative takes a look at each of your IDs and turns and then verifies your age. Makes me feel young again.

Welcome to the local cheese. And he waves you in and you pass through the doors. I don't know why that guy pretends like you didn't know us. We see him every week. Multiple times a week. As I pass him, as I pass him, I'll say.

Oh yeah, it's just us again. Just four bachelors on the prowl. Like a pride of lions. You might call us predators at the local cheetahs. No. No, man. I immediately pushed Gary back. You might call us that.

And I step in front of the bathroom and I say, and I say, sir, I apologize for my friend's behavior. He hasn't been drinking. He's just being used to know. I've been drinking. No, no, no, no, no. No, he certainly hasn't because we don't want to be anywhere near. Look, my cooters don't count.

He don't want to be anywhere near. We don't want to be anywhere near. the limit. Sir, we're not here to cause trouble. I promise. Why does he say this every week? Because he thinks it's funny. He thinks it's funny. Just laugh along. You have fun in there. I look to see if we can find a table somewhere. Potentially near the bar because we have a primary objective.

You push in and you are immediately hit with the neon lights that cascade from the ceiling. There are staircases going up, walls covered, some in wild. colored colorful graffiti, others in objects that have been cut in half so they look like they're emerging out of the wall. There are booths and tables, circles. You can see there's staircases down to a massive arcade floor and staircases up. Elevators, massive tubes that hang from the ceiling where people can literally crawl about, getting from floor to floor of this multi-stage venue.

You have entered the local cheese, but you're able to find the food area just in front of you where you could sit down and perhaps order a meal or a drink. Already exasperated with Gary, I stick my hands in my pockets. I feel that there's tokens in there and I say, I'm gonna get a beer and I walk to the bar. Oh, wait for me, wait for me. As he skates around. Oh, too slow, eat my dust. You follow your friend Andy to the barcade area and one of the waiters once you flag them down,

Yeah, what'll be? I slapped two tokens down on the bar and I say, well, I'll just have a beer. The local cheese local, if you want. No problem, yeah. It goes in, here you are. I hold it and I wait for my friends to order their beverages.

Excuse me, good, sir. What will it be? He turns to... Excuse me my good man. He ignores. What will it be? Can I get anything? What do you have?

Pretty much anything you want. We have beer. We have beer We have a variety of beers Yeah, I'll take that one Good choice A local Here you go

How many tokens is it? Two Good choice Galileo Do you have like half price Half price today's? I immediately sigh and I recognize what's happening And I use my last token to cover half of his beer price Oh Andy that's awesome What are friends for? Totally grown

One fucking token with you? I don't know how it's a from last time. What the fuck are you thinking? I wasn't really thinking about it. Expecting people to cover your drinks all right? Inconsiderate. What would your mother think? What would she think may she rest in peace? God, may she rest in peace? May she rest in peace, although she didn't make a great

she turtle suit. But gosh, we have to remember he's a frog guy. Oh, we gotta keep that in mind. It's just a... I guess just don't know about reptiles. So, Giuseppe. What's on tap tonight? The local?

I'm just kidding, I'll have a beer. And I could fancy a slice if you wanna throw one in. Sure. Let me test, not test, figure out how much there is. They are. Feeling a slice, what do you think, fellas? Oh, do you guys want to split a zah? Oh, should we, should we upgrade?

I would love a slice. I don't know a slice. Food's pretty expensive here. I'm not sure we can afford it. Oh. Yeah, Ed. Eddie, why can't we afford it? Because you spend all our money.

money on MLMs, emus, ice cream, cosmic brownies, business ventures that went bust. How much do I have to mention? What? And also my, and also my Bart Simpson Pissot Hobbs' Dens doves doved that, too. First of all, that's supposed to be Calvin and Hobbs. And second of all, I don't know where you went to get the set to. Oh, that's right. It's a little early.

It's not the Gulf War yet. I got a second. Are you trying to tell me we have cosmic brownies? Not here. We have so many at the apartment. They've all lost things. Oh, man. It was being a proud of lions, a couple of predators, and heavy a carers.

Can you stop saying that? Why? Please. Why? It's every time. Why? That word's not appropriate anymore, all right? We're going to get fucking kicked out.

It's a different time now. Oh, I guess it is a different time. Anyway, we're not going to explore that. You want to, you want a slice or you want a slice or you want a Well, I'm feeling a slice. I mean, how is the pie? My good man, Giuseppe. Five tokens.

Five tokens. Five tokens. This is a highway robbery. I mean, this isn't- Andy, how could you spend all of our tokens? This is a news to you. I had to give one of my only tokens to our friend Galileo over here. He couldn't afford a drink.

Can we just get drinks and get the nice side? That's fine. Galileo, have the regular. How much for just one slice? All right? Between friends, you know? Between ivory Italians. You know what I mean?

Two, two tokens. Two? Two, two tokens, yeah. For one slice? So with three more tokens, they get the whole pie? Knuckles, buckles! You guys are acting like this is news to you. You know from...

Guys, guys. Bring it, bring it, bring it. Hold on. Before we get in any trouble, can we just get our first drink in us for the evening? Oh yeah. I mean... One drink. Let's have all I ask. I'm kind of hungry, but that's fine. You know what?

I got a secret technique that the elites don't want you to know. Okay, well tell us the technique. We'll get our drink. I'll make the toast and we move on with our lives. So you see how all those people, they got a pie, a whole pie, and they're leaving, and this leave a couple slices, they're going to throw those away. There's no laws against taking people's leftover slices. He's right, you know.

Wait, I heard that they actually do that. And whenever you order a pie, that's what you get. No. No. No, I'm not to do that. No, no, no, I heard it. Are you kidding me? I read it online.

Have you been online yet? I've read it online. What is that? I haven't really been online. What the heck is online? You've never been to the World Wide Web? Gary would blow your mind. The World Wide Web?

Yeah, there's some crazy. I have a rapophobia. Please stop talking about it. There's some freaky shit on there, Gary. Let's just think of the freakyest shit that's in your magazines. What? And triple it at least. What?

Don't mention it. Wait a minute. You mean that I can enjoy all that freakiness without having to go to my local crusty-dusty shop? Yeah, no crust at all. And have old reddled, even at Huffin in the back room. I'm going to be with that. I mean, there'll probably be crust, but it'll at least be your own crust. All of a sudden, I don't want pizza in a mention.

Well, I'll definitely don't want trash pizza. I might have to invest in this worldwide way. Look, let's grab it. a drink, we'll find a table, and then if we need to, we can, uh, you know, vault her some pizza slices off another table. All right. We'll just keep an eye out. All right. Everybody leaves any pizza? Yeah, sounds good. Everybody good? Yeah, come on. There's a table over here. Beers in hand, you make your way to a filthy booth. Uh, that hasn't been wiped down in perhaps two or three visits. Guys, I just want to say that, uh,

I'm glad we're doing this again. I know we do this every week, multiple times a week, But every time it feels like the first time, and you know, there's just something so intoxicating about drinking 13 beers in a row. Yeah, there really is. Cheers. To the 13 slabbers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. Blu-blub-blub-blub-blub. Now, drink it. I'm drinking. Blu-blu-blu-bh. Now, I don't know about anybody else, but I've just consumed a number of beers that is larger than my toughness. Oh, me too.

Hey, me too! Whoa! How did you go all that pre-gaming with Jeffrey? The heaping really paid off. Man, good thing it's on an empty stomach. The toughness total is just the modifier. That's correct. So should I make a beer counter?

In some ways, you were already drunk when you came in. Yeah, so, you know, whether it be that we were pre-gaming, whether it be whatever it was, yeah, so the idea is that your number, your stat number, roll must never come into account unless for some reason something were to permanently increase one of your stats Got it. And then bump it over the threshold of increasing you modifier, right? You drink and you feel the intoxication hit as you finish the beer you look down and things start to get a little wavy

things start to get a little lazy. That's what we're getting excited about playing games, but first I need everyone to roll a D20. Gary, what's up, dude? I always appreciate how you drive drugs so well. You know, it's a different time right now. So drive the drug, it's kind of part of life. Some people think it's a problem, but I think it's a skill. Yeah, remember where they added seafel laws, those fluts?

Remember that? Yeah, regulation. How old is Gary? No, Gary's like hundreds of years old. Do you remember they when they add to seatbelt laws? Oh, I couldn't forget it. And they try and limit the amount of it. You can drink in your car.

I mean, stay out of a man's car, you know what I mean? Yeah. Are you telling me you drove me drunk? No, we would never say that because that would be an egregious thing to even promote in a video. Andy, what did you roll? I got a nine. You got a nine. Everyone around you appears to be blank.

Oh, you can call it out as you want or- Oh. Everyone around you, you start to feel those tokens burning a hole in your pocket. Everyone around you starts to feel like they're made of pixels. Even Gary, he becomes a floating sprite almost. You look around and you can't see anything more than 16 bits at a time. Man, I knew there was a recent that we came here. That first one really gets you going, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah.

Oh, it really does. Gary. I got a two. You got a two. You feel the need to seek out and consume dots and fruit. Hold on, let me reapply. Is that your axe body spray? That's my cherry curl.

Oh. I forgot about that. How do I look? You look different. Wet. Neon. Soaking. You got a particular.

Two-dimensional. Yeah. I'm gonna go. I can't talk after you. Hold on. It's fucking me up. Hold on. Do they let kids in here with candy?

No, no. No. Absolutely not. I go look for someone with candy. I'll need you to make a presence check. But while you make your way, Knuckles. I got a seven. You got a seven. You turn into a monkey that is used to living on an island.

You cannot speak common. Wait, sorry, can you finish the rest of that? You cannot speak common. You turn into a monkey that is used to living on an island. I go believe. I start attacking my friend. You jump up onto the table and this is, just as this is happening, the alcohol hits your stream as

well. Four. Four. You go big head mode. All of a sudden your head just, full golden eye. The shock of what you are seeing, all of a sudden your head is four, six times the size as Knuckles, now monkey,

jumps up onto the table and throws the remaining glasses of empty beer glasses onto the floor, shattering them. He's going to get us tossed out, man. You got to settle down. How did that happen? He turned to do a day? Do I have, am I still knuckles or am I now this new movie?

You are still yourself. Yeah, you have some level of more. I look at Giuseppe. And I leaped in the bar, and I try to get behind the bar and eat as much pizza as I possibly. You jump, I need you to make a agility check to see how well you do. Jumping behind the bar. No, no, no, no.

Oh, usually the six, at least six drinks. before the trouble starts. Do I get an agility bonus for being a monkey? I do not believe so, no. This is the purpose of the flavor. 16. I'm gonna adjust the DR in my mind. What did you get?

16. You succeed. You jump behind the bar and you immediately grab it, open a box of hot fresh pizza for someone in this barcade front entrance restaurant here. And you start to consume it. And all of a sudden you can feel Giuseppe. grab you and attempt to throw you off. I need you to make a agility defense test.

Well, he's, you're trying to, Giuseppe's trying to throw him away. He's just trying to dodge. He's just trying to dodge. I would say that he has to just roll agility and depending what the DR is, whether or not the, he was able to grab him. I got a six.

You got a six. You are unable to dodge out of the way. You're too focused on the pizza and you're tossed out onto the, onto the floor. You all hear a voice. Hey! That was my pizza, bro, that you just ate. We were about to enjoy that.

And you all look up, and you can see these meatheads. All of them, beers and hands, themselves a little woozy, staring at your monkey and knuckles friends. What are you going to do? You're going to pay for that? That cost me five tokens, bro. I run over to where Knuckles is, and I attempt to pick up the Nuckles monkey

and bring him back to our table. Hey, hey! And say, hey, no, we don't want each other here. What the fuck did you just say to me, nerd? You don't know. You owe me five tokens. I'm gonna face. You punch him in his face with my fists of fury.

How dare he speaks to me like that? Roll a D20. Make an attack. This is your fault. And then I need everyone to roll for initiative. This is your fucking fault, you fucking loser. Oh, God. You dweeb.

All right, so roll a D6 and add your agility. Oh, D6. Oh, yeah. Six. Three. Seven. Nice. So seven, six, four, three.

I'm last. So, seven? Seven is Taishan. Thank you. Six is Barnabos. Yep. Four is Scrim. Three is Yornear. And then whatever these individuals roll, we should probably...

Oh. You don't want to mess with us. We're the predators. We're like a pack of lions. We're like a pack of lions. For the sake of combat, you still have a lot. you still have all of your stats, you have your brass muscles, they're not gone. Got it. Oh my god. Now in this combat system you all will get to take a turn first and then the monsters or meatheads will get to go themselves.

Only if that's how you choose to do it. If we want to do individual, there's two different ways you can do it. You either roll, you roll one through three, we go first, you roll four through six, they go first, or if we do individual, we talked about that. Just roll individually for each of the enemies. I'm gonna say that because they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they, they go, that, we go, we go. They were being threatening, they were being intimidating, but they didn't expect the fists to fly that quickly. Especially, do a... Do a... Rollerblading, sunglasses, wearing...

Out of pure surprise, I would say that you are up, Galileo. Do we need enemy... Enemy tokens? And where's your... Do you want to just draw a quick little, like, I don't know, like a bar or... Yeah, I would... Give me off to... You hit this guy.

I want you to roll to hit very quickly before re-enter combat. Is that strength? Yes, you're using melee, you're gonna roll a D20, and add your strength... You endeavor to hit them. Oh, gosh, this guy's fucked. I got a 20. You got a 20? Dirty 20? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You do hit him. Square on the jaw. And just in general, you're looking for a 12. The baseline is a 12, but you never know. Okay. Because I'm drunk when I get exploding dicing, though. You do. Oh, boy.

Everybody does. Roll for damage. Roll for damage. Oh, shucks only two. Minimum damage. Minimum damage. You smack him in the face. That was a mistake, bruh.

He does not look damaged by the attack, even though you gave it your best furious fist. Well, what else can I do on my turn? That is it just because I'm giving you the surprise. It is actually at the top of the round. Now Galileo's turn. Guys, I'll be right there. There's a slice of pizza on this table over here.

I can't like go away. It's looking a little scrubsious, you know what I think. It looks like it's escalating. Brodoobie scroop. Bit of snack. Bit of snack. But it looks so. Oh, fine.

You're like, Pedro Ksui. We're back to the plane. I grab my Nerf gun and I fire at the meat head that Gary Punch. I presume you also slap on your armor trays as you pull out the same Nerf gun and you take aim. I need you to roll a D20 and add your agility. Presence. Oh, sorry. Oh my God, he has a good!

Oh, get down, get down, get down, get down. It's just a Nerf gun. Everyone gets down. They go down. D20 plus presents. D20 plus presents. Exactly right. Again, generally you're looking for 12.

We don't know what these guys armor is. That's why they call it the presents. Because it's such a gift. There's a four hit. No. No, these guys are slow. Yeah, you put on your blindfold and you fire a dart. I shouldn't have pulled it down, man.

And it launches into this, just flies far off. You hear someone go, Oh, my drink. Make sure you're noting your ammo as well. Yeah, track your ammo. You can also move on your turn up to six squares. I move closer to a slice of pizza. You start to make your way towards the pizza.

By the way, is this the bar? Yeah, you're already there. You're already at the bar, so you just moved to pizza. Oh, I thought we were at a table. Well, okay. I'll stay there. I'm where I need to be. I just three damage last time, by the way.

I forgot my drunken stupid. That's right. And because these guys seem tough. They're wearing varsity jacket. They've got short haircuts, they've got meaty jaws, they've got huge feet. Whatever, diff. I subtracted the damage, their armor from the damage,

which is why I articulated it as, oh, it seemed to do very little. So, that being said, it's now back to your turn, Gary. I see the K, oh, oh, it's Gary's turn, I'm sorry. I thought this was the local cheese. Get the, I was, I was just soft, give them to die! You go to die! Bha! I do that.

You go in and start arms flapping. Fists of Fury. Roll a D20 and add your strength. Well, that would be a five. A five. You take a step forward and you've forgotten that you're on rollerblades. Your fist go wide. And you hear a chuggled.

As he laughs at your clumsiness, would you like to move while you slide? Oh, yeah, I would get up all the beautiful of all. Yeah, there's no penalties for disengaging. to worry about any of that stuff. Oh, these are the bad guys, too. Yeah, I skate ride as this guy. Okay, Biff, you loser. You're the real predator.

Andy. Now that is my turn. I apologize for stepping on your toes. I see the action that is unfolding. And like Scott Pilgrim at the end of, I draw my mall katana like the power of love. It comes out of seemingly nowhere. But as soon as it hits the neon light,

you can tell that this thing is cheap. And I move in and I say, don't worry, Gary, I got your back. And I go to attack the same one that he, he, punched earlier and I will make an attack oh boy that's gonna be a four plus zero is a is four as I swing the katana in I see this pixel formed individual and I can't seem to zero in as I as I make an attack whoa this guy's got a good I also like still on you know god damn it stay still and that's my turn chuckle uh knuckles

Seeing that Andy is trying to slash with his katana, I will look at the guy. So whichever guy accosted me in the first place, that guy. Yeah, sure. I am going to Diddy Kong sidebeat and leap at him and latch onto his face and just start smacking. And looking down at your monkey paws, you can see that your brass knuckles are still a part of you. Most of your form has changed. You start to pummel in. Roll a spring test.

13? 13 hits. Let's go! So now we know the 13 hits. In one damage. And again... Oh, 2 damage. 2 damage.

Oh, fantastic. Two damage. Is it always a D4 for the damage? No, yours is a D6. Oh. So just shot that down. Oh, I wrote that, sorry. I missed that guy because the monkey was only...

He was monkeying that round. That's why I missed. Dang it! Ah! Dang it! Calm it down! You smack him with your open palms and then you remember that you have the knuckles and you give him one right in the eye. He goes, oh, my orbital lobe!

And... Oh, what a nerd! He doesn't he know what a nerd. He's at the local cheese. And you seem to have done some damages. You see a trickle of blood start to come down. And then he looks up at you and you realize that he's coming back with both things. fists just to clobber you down like this.

I need you to make a defense test, which is to roll your agility. Yeah, D20 plus agility. Oh, no. Nine. Nine. I get to do some damage to you. Uh-oh. You take three damage.

So then you roll a D6, which is your armor to see if you can negate the damage. Oh, that's cool. Oh! What does that mean? That means that four from the total damage. Right. three damage, but your armor absorbs the hip. I see, so I absorb it.

And if I, if I had one left, the drink would prevent it as well? No. The drink, oh yes, that's actually correct. You would still, yes, that's absolutely good. Got it. Yep, you're 100% correct. I apologize. So if it was five damage, you roll the four,

it would still be completely negated? Yeah, because as you drink, you reduce damage. Oh, man. And the armor is only damaged if you were to roll the one on your defense, I see, or you roll a crit again, or he were to be critted, right? Like, you know what I mean? How do I, right? So in this case, it's him getting a fumble.

Right, okay. That's his attack. The two next to Gary immediately. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do, nerd? They start kicking. And so I need to make two defense tests. So make a defense roll, which is gonna be a D20 plus your agility.

Yeah, really? Agility, seven, obviously. That misses, I'm- Yeah, that's what I thought. You wish you had to fall of some blade inside. The first is going to do two damage, but you have to roll armor and subtracts. Nice.

Oh, you're gonna kick my jean jacket? That thing's impervious. Yes, instead the foot does hit your legs, but it's that massive front of the Jinkgo gene. It doesn't actually make contact with your leg. Roll in other defenses, the other one swings in. Oh, that'll be a six. A six.

I'm going to roll for damage. This time, wow, one damage. I think that you negated no matter what. One damage, negative. Absolutely. And then the two in the base. back here, one's gonna jump up onto the bar. So real quick, rolling on one there,

that doesn't break your armor. No, it's just the one at the time that you reduce your damage taken by, just the armor value. Got it. So he jumps up onto the bar. He jumps up onto the bar. He goes out to my friend Knuckles.

He reaches down and he tries to hug his arms around you and squeeze you and need you to make another test, a roll defense, adding your agility to see if you can get out of the way. He's so great. D20 plus a GILA. Yep, yep, yep. And he's got a style.

Seven. Seven, that's going to be. You have a lot of armor though. I do. I do. This is going to be five incoming if you can't reduce it. Uh-oh. He's five.

Ooh, so minus three. Minutes two damage. Take two damage. You take two damage. This time you're not able to get away. You're pulled free from the gentleman that you've been smacking in the face. Let go my friend, bro.

And he starts to crush you. You can feel the stinging, pain in your muscles as he comes down. This final guy is going to run around and come into a range of Gary. I need you to, he's gonna actually do the same thing. He's gonna attempt to wrap his arms around you and crush you. Yeah, nice try.

A natural 20, I don't know what that means. A natural 20 means. Oh my God, you get to counter. You attack back? So you, right? Yes, so what happens is- Because you're defending. You defend, you're safe.

You immediately get to make a counter attack on this guy. Oh my gosh, I do a spit move. with my roller blade, and I go, yeah. And so I just do- So now you make an attack. Oh, Shucks, three! It's not enough. You use your rollerblades to slide

deckers-out of the way. But your sweeping kick does not make contact. You always said that your hands are rated E for everyone. Frog diff, frog diff. My teammates are really just are throwing. Team Diff, team Diff. Team Diff. Team Diff.

Galileo, you have watched. You have watched all of your friends get into this brawl. Things are heating up. You have, it's easy enough to reload your gun and fire again, but you can do whatever you like on your turn, watching the other Nerf sail out of direction. Oh. That's okay.

It's just because my head looks like after you eat one of those air hounds. Oh yeah, Big Head, though. I'm Big Head, though. I'm Big Head mode. Wow. I reload and I take a shot at this guy on the counter now. Get off my bro. Roll a D20 and add your presence.

13. 19 hits. 13 hits. So D6. So I roll 1 D6. Yep. Two. Two.

You do some amount of damage. Plus the drink that you add. Oh, three. Oh, fantastic. This Nerf gun hits the, it is not the same person that knuckles did damage to. You fired at the guy on the, on the bar. Yeah, this guy hasn't taken damage yet. Oh, okay.

But you are able to make contact. The Nerf dart flies forward and hits him in the other eye. Oh, that's what's bro. What the fuck? And you seem to have done some damage. You're on the bar, bitch. Yeah, you, you... You may move or end your turn.

Uh... I think I'll stay where I am. And in my turn. Okay. I'm going back. Gary. I can't believe all my teammates are distracting me. Okay, I'm really going to give you what for now.

Ha-ya! Oh, shot, so that's 18. 18. Huge. That's huge, yeah. And I'll roll my armor. Oh, my God. That would be seven points of damage.

Oh! I thought you were going to double explode. It looked like you got... And my role model, Miss Piggy would say, hiya! Which one did you pick? Oh, the one that's already been damaged by Knuckles, or Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, probably this guy, right?

Probably I missed this guy. This guy just walked up. This is your counterattack guy. Yeah. You just counterattack guy. You attack the counter-attack guy, and you do a significant amount of damage. You can feel your knuckles make contact, and you can feel bone and cartilage crushed underneath your attack. Um...

I could leave permanent injuries on you. He got me in the kidney, bro. Yeah, well, you better get that checked out after I kick the shit out of you. If you survive, then... Andy, you're up. I continue to engage the one that was in front of me, the one that Gary was originally mouthing off to. So I'll make an attack.

No, I rolled another four. I whiff again. I can't focus on all these pixels. I can't see what's going on. It's very challenging. Where the outline of the pixel starts is not actually the form of what you're attacking. The hallucination is so dramatic that you think you're making contact, but it just feels like going through air. I really got to stop drinking.

Don't ever say that again, Andy. Oh, you're right. Only quit or quit. Can I move even though he grabbed me? Yeah, there's no, there's as long, yeah, there's no, you're good guy. And I'm trying to remember, you took damage. I did. That affected his drunkenness.

Only if you take your crick. Thank you. You're good. Given that he's, like, grabbing me in the reality of the world, I'm going to try to scamper around him. Yep. And just like go out this way, while still kind of being on top of him

and just basically trying to punch him in the orbital socket or whatever. Keep going. Yeah, that orbital socket. The orbital lobe, I believe I said, incorrectly earlier. 10? 10 does hit. It just hits. Oh, nice. These guys are big, they're beefy, but they're slow. Damn. Two. Two, I can still roll a one. Three total. Three total, and I rolled a one, so you do two damage. Let's fucking go.

Is that the one that Galileo hit? Yeah, I hit this guy. Nice. Okay. Oh, okay. He's got to be close. Thank you. Well, I don't know. I think I did. three damage to him. I don't know what his defenses are. No, we'll find out.

You do that, and they're all yelling, spitting, screaming. It is a full-on bar brawl at this point, and they all start going in. I thought it live! I need you to make another defense role as the person that you just smacked comes back at you with a left hook. Oh.

12. Wait, wait. D20 plus agility. 12. 12. That you're able to narrowly dodge. You monkey away. And the, there are three going to come after you, Gary.

I'm sorry that they're all gaining up on you. But you started, you started the fight and they are now punching and pummeling in and you're doing your best on roller skates to dodge out of the way. Make your first defense roll. Classic blunder, you guys. Defense, that's a, that's a, uh, that's a six. That's going to be five incoming damage. reduce it by your armor.

You distract me like that. Oh, six. Minus seven. Minutes seven. He blocks all the damage. My cheek jacket. Make another defense roll. Pervious.

Another defense roll. Oh, that's a four. He's taking another hit. Four incoming. Oh, my seven. It's blocked. Ah. He's only nasty.

He's just taking everything. I thought this was the local cheese. I thought I came in for a pot for fucking five, please. This one goes in, this one goes in for the power move. He goes in for a bear hug. He seems to really care for this move. Mark of 17. Yeah, got him.

Get this guy. Why can't we hit you fast? I've had wine coolers. You fucking dreams. Andy, you see a pixelized fist start to get bigger and growing in your direction, make a defense roll. Also, I want candy and dots or whatever. I got an 18 to dodge. 18.

You could either block it or dodge. You don't take any damage. I use my mocketana to deflect his fist to sack out of the way. Top of the round, Galileo. You see a bed a little bit. I would like to know. Sir, they were drinking right here at the bar.

Yeah. Or any of their drinks in this area unattended? The bar is covered with, these bartenders don't seem particularly attentive. It's glasses, it's bottles, there's food plates and cutlery and utensils in all directions. Pretty much anything you can imagine picking up off of a bar has been assembled here as other patrons are, are back backing up and watching this fight unfurl. In the kerfuffle, if I see one of their free drinks, I'd like to move up and like to just slam it back.

Oh. I love where your head's at. If I do. I love where your head's at. That would be your action. You can absolutely do that. Oh, okay. I'd like to do it.

You look and I need you to make a quick presence check. It's gonna be a low DR, but I need you to spot the beer. Because these are bottles that are dark glass and you need to find one that's full. I crit. I crit find it. I'm gonna. I find- I'm gonna. So, you know, your crit master is just for attacks and defense.

I crit found it. But you basically hit it. I see that 20 and you don't even think anyone's taking a drink from this beer. It had just gotten sat down. It's cool, it's frosty. You drink the entire thing and you... I need to find the rules for drunkenness. If you allow it, I'll smash the glass on that guy's head.

If you won't, that's fine. You have a beer bottle that is now empty in your hand. for your next turn. However, you are increasing your drunk to two drinks and I need you to roll a do 20. Looks like the thoughts just getting started. 16. 16. You occasionally do the Colossus roar while talking. Wait, what the like from X-Men? Yep. Yeah, Colossus roar. Yes. You guys know what the Colossus roar? Yeah. As you grab it with that. Gary, at your turn.

Okay, I'm a Kung Fu master. And I'm going to do this. As you, ah! I fly, I rollerblades. Does this guy look damage to me? The one guy, you hit him up good. You nailed one with a negative seven right there. Or this guy can't remember.

It's the guy closest to the camera. I'm trying to think, do I go for, you know what? I'm gonna just go, I'm not gonna go for a style kill. No, I don't know how to say it. Oh no. But I'm new fumbles. That's using your fist, using your fumbles. Oh, wow.

Gosh, dang it, Andy, why would you distract me in such a way? You can't lose your fist. Why would you say I can't lose my fist? You can't lose your fist. I'm clearly distracted now. Gosh, I can't, I can't do, when there's TV out of the background, I can't really, I can't really,

You look down at your hand. Gary, there's TV's everywhere. There are. With the TV and there's music, I just kind of get distracted. But a single stitch has come free from your puppet hand and you can see a little cotton poking out. Oh, oh no.

My mortality. And you're up. I can bleed, I can die. I continue to attack the guy that's right in front of me. And hopefully that I roll higher than a four. I got a 13, finally. Beers. Yes, exactly.

Exactly for the number of beers. At the truth. 13. 13. That hits. My apologies. I'll roll 1D10 as I strike with my katana for a total of six points of damage. The cheap Chinese steel flashes through the air as I slashed this guy with my katana.

I'm all katana. Is this the one that got hit in the eye? Oh, no. That's him. The guy that I'm attacking, I don't think has been damaged yet. But six total points of damage. Six points of damage. This time, finally, Andy's blade strikes true.

and you are all not perhaps surprised, horrified, this isn't your first time at a local cheese, but the blade cuts clean through him. I'm just shaking off the glass, baby! Yeah! His arms come free, his arms come free as his torso was sliced in half. Yeah!

Oh yeah, just killed the guy. For Andy, there's a white flash like in a video game and the pixelized icon in front of him just divides in two. But for you, the violence of his gut spilling out all of his internal organs smashing against the tile floor is very real. Whoa! That's my turn. No, I use my movement to stand shoulder to shoulder to Gary and say,

I never let you down, Rooney. And that's my turn. Wow. God, you like literally killed that guy. That's so cool. What are you talking about? It's just pixels and dots, buddy. Come on.

Focus up. Lock it up. It's more like guts and guts. That's my turn. Knuckles trouble. I'm covered in blood, I see what he's did. I want to go for his eyes, using my brass knuckles, but I'm flavoring it as I want to rip his eyeballs out.

Okay. Of his skull. Come on. 20. Hell yeah. That's huge. Hell yeah, it does. This guy does. Hears his head off. Come on.

Four. Exploding. Yes! Five. Plus beers. Six total points of damage. Six total total. points of damage to the gentleman who already took on the bar.

He's taking at least two hits. Let me just. I shot him, for sure. And I hit him. Yeah, he goes down. You are, you basically just, yeah, you call him on his skull and come away with two eyes that are actually very connected to the sock

because you hear the snap as the retinal, retinas disconnect. Oh! It falls down to the ground screaming in terror and pain. You sell your movement. Oh, if you'd like. I'm going to... This is just like that episode of Family Ties. I'm going to the edge of the bar ready to leap on these guys, but hold my jump.

I love that. It's the... It's their turn. Oh, bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! And you hear four bros out of everyone's mouth.

Two are going to go after Gary, take a... Yeah, nice try. They're both going to try to grab you. You've been sliding around and they can't seem to connect with you. I got three. Three. Premium Jinko. You got eight incoming damage.

Oh. What you roll, Gary? Damage. Oh. You suddenly... That's devastating. You are finally distracted by the violence of what's happening around you. And you feel an arm cut...

I mean, that much is with that. I'm gonna move back guys eyeballs out. Swing around your neck and you suddenly feel, your airway closes, he starts to choke you. You are choking to death and you feel another fist, hit you in the stomach. I need you to make another defense roll. Oh, he's good.

You take that hit, but you are hurting. And this other gentleman, you killed my friend. Prepare to go down and he races after you to jump on top of you essentially. I need you to make a fence roll. I got a dirty 20. Okay, you, he grabs- I'm- I'm-in-the-way, I'm in the flow-now.

You have studied the blade and you dodge out of the way, readying for your next attack, Galileo, top of the round. Hey, leave my bros alone. I come over and I will smash the glass over this guy's head. Okay, make an attack roll, add your strength. Yeah, use strength for melee. Oof.

Oh! Bhaar! There's this big head, bro! I can't see anything! You go in with the Colossus roar, but you- My death reception is all fucked up! You underestimate how much strength it takes to break a bottle, and so it just clanks against him.

It doesn't shatter, there's no damage dealt. Gary, you're out. Don't believe him when they said I didn't have radioactive powers and I was just a frog. Andy, I know you just killed that guy, so you're a little bit on. Yeah, what's up? But I think Galileo might have a...

I have a brain too great. No, it's fine. We've got to get through this and then we'll reconvene. I also really want candy. Just focus, focus. I want candy. Buh, da, bu, bu, bu,

I think I'm going to kill this guy. I think I have to kill this guy. I'm going to draw something from my pack of plastic cutlery and going for the kid. I got a 19. That's a heck. I got a three.

A three. You actually do stab in. You push in with. with a plastic fork and- No, no, no, no, that's not what I said it was. Oh. It's a plastic fondue skewer. Why is that even in there, Gary?

My name is Gary, Big Bundle, Big Dennis, G. Goodberry. You hurt me a lot. Prepared to be killed by this fondue skewer. You push the skewer in, and when you come back, there's only one prong on the end of the fork. It's been left wedged inside of his muscle. I should have to kill him? No.

Fuck. Give me back my day old dink-dong skewer. Andy, right? I follow up on this guy to try to finish off the guy who is, uh, has a fondue skewer in his, uh, fucking arm. Uh, that's a 16 to hit. That hits. Andy, who's Jackson me, I missed his jug.

Uh, that is 10 total points of damage with my katana, one from exploding. Exactly. I mean, I'm in the flow. I immediately redouble with the katana and strike upwards, basically trying to reverse monk cut him from like side to, to shoulder. Exactly what you needed. It's almost like on zipping a backpack as he splits in two.

Blood sprays in all directions. I soften him up with that, with that fond of you. My arm. I got you, buddy. I got your back. And then I'm gonna move forward to help try to finish this off. That really hurt my arm up. Again, it's just rainbow neon pixels.

Yeah. Yeah, for you, it's just beautiful like particle effects, right? They call it that because stabbing guys is fond to do. Nuckles. You are covered in blood. covered in blood. There's more blood than sweat. You have your knuckles on you. What do you do? I hold the eyeballs in front of my face as I leap on top of this guy and bite him in the neck. Okay.

It's easy enough to bite. The question is, will you be able to pierce the skin? 13. 13 hits. Come on. Roll big, baby. Two. Two. You are still able to come away with some skin. Three. You bite down. You don't do a significant amount of damage, but you do pull away and spit out some gristle that you were able to free from his neck. And it's their turn again.

With the three of their party destroyed, they are starting to get a little nervous. And you watch the two remaining meatheads look at each other, like, bro. And they endeavor to run. I need both of them to move six squares in this direction. Which direction? Yeah, I'm thinking of North, which is towards the TV, as towards the exit, which is not far from here. Can I use an action to double their movement? Do we know if that's part of the system?

I think it's just a max six, right? Yeah, there's no rule for that, but you're the GM. I know I'm the GM, and that's very cool, but I'm going to respect the system. I have to be at least a little embarking. And new business. Let's get out of here. They're gone. I don't know.

We don't have a one up. And they start to sprint away. That's the end of their turn. They're clearly running for their lives. Got to layo. You're up. Drive them into the mud. Yeah.

You shouldn't have tried to take my front's pizza. I will try and shoot the guy in front. Yep. And hopefully if he dies, he's creates a dead body blockade for the guy on the hunt. Something to trip over. Oh no. Derek.

Yeah. Crip failed it. Yeah, I know. Oh, wow, okay. I'm going to go back to the weapon rules real quick. Not my nerve gun! Derek! Please!

No, no, no, no, no, I can't hear this right now. Broke and dropped or lost. No, Derek. Not my Nerf gun. Um, I'm gonna roll for it. Roll for it. No, one is broken. You fire, but you realize that the

chamber that rotates as it engages, the foam sticks in the end of the barrel. Oh shit, huh? Make sure that that's not cocked. It's as dangerous as can possibly be. It looks like you might be able to repair it, but it's not going to be, it's going to take more than an action. It'll take a minute. See, your gun is no good for the remainder of this combat with that fumble. But you can still move.

Um, I'm, okay, I'll, I'll try, I'll move here and like, I mean, can I like, hold this guy or like, uh, you just start to follow them, essentially. Okay, Gary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're okay. That's fair. You can absolutely follow them. You're up, Gary. Don't let him get away, Gary. You were counting on your enemies having roller skates. I mean, roller blades. sprint forward. And I unleash the power of Jerry girl. With my test. That's an 18. That's huge. That is. Okay. Man, this is a, you guys are really lucky this D-Force sucks. That's a five. That's five. He starts blinking yellow and red. Clearly an indication that he's the equivalent of bloodied in the system. And that's the

losing your turn Andy I try to follow one two three four five and I can only get to this guy and I'll make an attack against him to try to prevent him from leaving because Gary told me that he's worried about witnesses natural 20 oh so I'm gonna roll two D10s and their armor if they have any will be reduced by one oh fantastic oh Jesus Christ I rolled 24 damage I could okay this exploded so I'm actually oh no these are 12s I'm sorry I need I need tens. I'm sorry, I need 10. Oh, shit.

I'm just steal this. Holy-s-Modges. I'm gonna-go-go-do-it again. That's an eight, and then that's a 10. So 18 plus six is 24, 25 total points of damage. 25 points of damage. And I create this guy. And I just, again, I'm just in the flow

as I chase after him and I cut him down. Annie jumps into mid-air and does a spin and where the meat head was running, you see the body continue to run, but the head remains behind as it collapses onto the floor of the barcade. area. Wow. More pixels fly everywhere for me. It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And that's the end of him. It's just like more combat. By a wide margin. Holy shit. Knuckles, you're up. I'm gonna... One, two, three, four, five, six. I can't actually get to him. I'm gonna sprint after him as fast as I can.

Still holding the dude's eyeballs. I want to throw both of them at both. Absolutely. Okay, that's an improvised weapon, but I think we can work with It rolled a hit first. You use your presence because it's ranged. Nine? Unfortunately, it's not enough. I would say that one of the eyes hits, but it's an eyeball.

It hits. It sticks like one of those hands that you use to slap the wall and sort of like folds down in a disgusting manner on the back of this guy's varsity jacket. That's the conclusion of your turns is. He is going to take a swipe at Gary. I need you to make a different. defense roll, but he's going to also continue to run.

Oh, nice try. Natural 20. Oh! You can counterattack. So now you may make an attack. You take no damage you make. Does he look wounded at all? Does he look wounded at all?

Oh yeah, yeah, he's blinking yellow and red. I think I should must use my hand. End him. Oh, you can't fumble. I can't fumble. But. Ugh. Dang it, Galloway-O!

Dang, Galileo! You got me thinking about February O'Hulaham! And now I'm thinking on the old brick-down I get bumping the fly. Galileo, you're up. It's a stack of pancakes I would enjoy. I'm still gonna be standing between, I'm standing between you and the hazing on the counter-up. You're closing in on him.

Is it on his turn? Oh, did he- That was a counter-attack on his term, and now we're at the top of the round, Galileo. I got a box, he's got nowhere to go. Finish him, finish him, Galileo! My brother! Rose. Oh!

You just smack him with the gun. Yeah, make a strength- You bitch. I'm in. That is the new Colossus role. It's perfect. It's perfect. It's like classic Muppets.

It is a lot of this. That's what I yelled at your mother's ear. That's what I yelled at your mother's ear. Fuck you and the court, you know what did he wrong? Fuck you, dude. What is why I pussing? What is my pus-ha-ha? It's gonna be your strength which is plus zero.

I'm a nine. I got a nine. Oh, it's not an, uh, you know what? I'm gonna give it to you. I don't give a shit. I'm gonna lower the DR because he's the last one. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's got no more out. He's scared. You're hitting him in the back. He's not even looking to die.

Yeah, he's a dozen. Roll for damage. Huh? Oh, um, oh, D6 or, I mean, that was to shoot it. It was an improvised weapon, uh, so I'm going to ask you to roll. It should be a D2, but I'm gonna say D4. Yeah, you're clubing him with him with you. with your, with your pistol.

No, if I did, bro. Yeah. And Gary, stop talking about my mom. Oh! Oh! Four. Plus. But it explodes.

Five. Six right now. Seven. Seven. No. Eight, three. Nine. Nine.

Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. How do you want to do this in the most epic, Scott Pilgrimous way possible? Fatality. Aw. Oh.

Oh. No, no, you see it. It's not your fatality, Gary. You'll get one later. I can't believe you made this. I can't. Look, we all just can't stop talking about April O'AWLA. He shouldn't be, he should have my gun pointed at him and be pulling the trigger and be like,

oh, fuck, it's jammed. And then spin it and, uh, all the batch is fucking head in. And then it'll like, it'll fall on the floor and I'll just, ugh, fuck! You should have taken my roast pizza. And it's in hitting him that you realize that the chamber dislodges, and you all hear a, and brain spray out across the tile. All of this violence that you've just witnessed cleans itself as the bodies start to flicker and flash. No, coins, coins, get to steal yourself.

And they turn into coins and tokens, floating in the air. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror toome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, minatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. The meatheads explode into tokens and tickets.

These icons floating just inches above the tile floor as you start to scramble for the bounty that has been created from this fight. I need each of you to roll D4 plus two, and that's how many tokens you find. And you find just straight. Oh, six. Six. D10 tickets. Four. Four. And we each get D10 tickets? Exactly right. Oh shit. I'm I'm changing the math. No, no, no, that's great. D10 tickets is something we've not encountered. That's correct. So everyone gets 10 tickets. So I get no D10 tickets. Oh D10 tickets. So I got I roll max on my D4 so I got four plus two for six tokens and I roll a four I roll six on my 10 so I got six tickets. I got six each. Okay. I got four each. I got a

That's six tickets also. Additionally, Galileo, your head shrinks, your colossal roar recedes, Knuckles, you feel yourself transformed that into your former self. Gary, what was wrong with you? I don't know what came over. I think pretty candy or something.

Oh yeah, he was pretty, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your hunger for Dodson. Are we keeping our same drink level, though? Yes. I don't want to get that. Yes. Okay, your drink level stays the same,

but it's the prompts, the effects, the stats. effects that fade and Andy you can see normally again even though you're still a little buzzed whoa guys I took a big hit back there I'm not gonna lie did you almost fucking die I think it was all cowlades are you usually oozing stuffing oh no Gary that's what I tell your boss look look look how much how it's something you have because I'm awful to just put a nerve right in your head roomy you're you're leaking stuffing what are we gonna do You.

Andy. You're delicate. Andy. Those beat the hips. No. We took care of them, Gary. We avenged you. Tell Veronica that I killed them all.

Oh, well, Veronica probably doesn't work here anymore. She probably didn't want to work here anymore. She knew you were coming back. And I was stronger than all those guys. Well, we took care of them for you. Well, why don't we get you like a burger or something, man? Come on. Come with me, come with me, come.

Let's take a look at their menu. I'm sure that there's a whole menu prepared. Yeah. Hey, we need help. I think those guys also left a whole. pizza. Oh yeah! Let's scavenge what they've got. Maybe we can grab some of the beers. You know what? If they didn't want to die, they should have said, no, you can't eat the pizza that we paid for with our own tokens. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You all vaguely recall that they said exactly those words in that order.

And you look up at the bar and you can see that the half-eaten pizza, the waiter Giuseppe is talking to someone. This other gentleman you recognize from former visits that you've experienced at the local cheese Red suspenders very high up pants thick framed glasses slicked back hair This appears to be the manager big badge on his on his chest that reads Reginald squeakly manager no we didn't kill nobody. No, I can't believe who would have done such a thing? Oh It's gang violence if the 80s of gang violence and the early 90s, gang violence is a big thing at this time. So we, he was gang vibes.

Are we familiar with the- He was gang. You are familiar with the, he runs the local cheese with an iron fist, a greasy fist, really. What does he look like? What I just described, he's got red suspenders, he's got high-up hands. He looks like an elderly urkel.

How tall is he? He's shorter than you are. So I see Reginald, I guess, walking towards us. He's standing behind the counter at the barcans. and he is talking to Giocepe about the eaten pizza. I walk up to the bar and I see that Reginald is there and I ignore him and I slap two tokens on the counter and I look at the bartender and I say, I'd like another beer, please. This was the guy.

This was the guy whose friends jumped behind the table behind the bar and started eating the pizza. And I just look at the bar, I'm ignoring what he's saying. I place two tokens on the couch or another beer. Reginald's. stops the bartender from serving another drink and turns to you, what seems to be the problem? As soon as he addresses me, I turn to face him, but I don't look at him and I do this. And I go, oh, Reginald, I didn't see you there.

Excuse me, sir. You, uh, it seemed to have been causing a disturbance. No disturbance here. We were just digging out the trash. Yeah, we were just witnessing gang violence. Not a cut of it being the Thai people. I believe I've ordered a beer. Good sir.

Giuseppe, just watch their intake. I've got my eye on you. Yeah, good luck. You're going to be looking way up to the ceiling. Yeah, all four of them, four eyes. He straightens his glasses. And he turns and he exits the bar. Oh, see you're Reggie.

Giozepi is already pouring a beer. He takes the two tokens and he puts another beer down. He says, may I see your other hand? Looking cool is never. And I will show both of my hands. He puts a stamp on one of your hands, and you can see that it has a beer, a little steinglass,

with some decorations on one side. And I say, thanks, Giuseppe. As I'm walking away from the bar with Gary on my shoulder, I say, damn, we got away with one, but he got me with one of the stickers.

Take it. Cut, take it. And I begin to sip my beer. We can't really get it. He passed Giuseppe. As I joined the rest of the gang. Yeah, he's a wily guy. It Giuseppe, uh, I mean, look, those fellas, they're not gonna eat that pizza anymore.

And it wasn't us that did it. I mean, it was that crazy monkey. I don't know where he went to. But he disappeared. Oh, it's a wild monkey. You can't blame us for that pizza. I've been working here for a long time, and I understand how it goes. Do you want anything else?

I'll give it to you for half price. You got a good deal. Oh, that's half a pizza. I'll have two beers. Make it four, make it four, make it four. I'll have four beans. Make it four. Our maximum is three, and I know you've already had one.

Let me see both of your hands. I'll have two. Well, I'll have two dead with the same half of you. He stamps both of your hands. He stamps both of your Muppet hands. Mark him each seven. If it's going on, I'll say two. There's one token.

One token each. Each. One token each beer. Well, thank you. Because they're normally two tokens of beer. So make sure you keep track your tokens. I have four left because I played full. price for a beer like a good patron than I am.

I'm sorry, he was referring to the pizza because half of it was eaten, not the beer. My apology. What? I didn't make that clear. Well, I vote beers anyway. I guess I'll pay, I'll pay. We did get it off of that horrible, tragic, gang violence.

You referred to the eating of the pizza, and I thought that that- False advertising, I mean, you told me. You told me that it was half price. I tried to order two bees. I think you got a jail for that, man. I was referring to the pizza. Oh, was it?

Make a presents check. Oh, we have one of us should make presence check. I suppose. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll make it. I'll help, I'll help. I get 15.

I can see how that might have been unclear. I'll take the, I'll take the half-price token, but just this one time. Next week, when you guys get back here, never again. We're regulars. We understand. We apologize. Thank you for the understanding.

Here are your beers. And he gets YouTube beers, he gets you two beers, you've already got one beer. So still have a prize? You're good. You're good. Oh, yeah, too. No, the same. The same as everybody.

He's going to arm them. He's like sure you stand with both of your hands. You look at the top of your hands and you see that there are two little Steinglasses on there indicating your drink intake. And you make your way back to that same booth, sitting in the local cheese. Well, I'm going to be honest, guys. I feel like I got ripped off here. I didn't get the full deal. Yeah, no, Andy got the chump rate.

Yeah. Sure they held off. I mean... Look, my friends are happy. I'm happy. And I got to be honest. feeling pretty good after that little mix up. Yeah, you really, you cut those guys at half several times.

Well, you know, it's one of those things that, you know, my mom said that I shouldn't have a Malkatana and I sure proved her wrong. You really did. What does she know? I mean, what is she gonna say? I have a Malkatana. You killed three guys in like 18 seconds. Did you see the way they exploded into coins? Why have we never gotten to fights before? Oh, I know.

I saw you cut them in half and all their guts fall out and then you ripped their eyes out. Oh, I don't know. That was wild. Did we literally kill those guys? those guys? Yeah, they're dead. I pull a coin up from my pocket and I lift it up in the ears of the wine beer and I say, that raises a dark question, knuckles.

A very dark question. It's got the single Dr. Manhattan blood drop. Yes, yes. The comedian blood splash. Yeah, and I say, I don't want to think about it. I put the token back in my pocket. Does that mean that we just committed capital murder? You know, I think like lower case.

And I think what happens at the local cheese stays at the local cheese. Oh, all right. To the. Chapprais. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. They have security cans for survival.

I down my beer. You drink a beer. I drink two beers. I drink two beers. I, in a row. You drink both of them. You just pour them back against your face. They splashed against you.

I cookie bombs with your ears. And I need all of you to roll a D20 as your drunkenness increases. One. Oh. Natural one. Here's one. Thank you. Just one D20 or?

One D20. I'm gonna, because it's a single drinking experience, I'm just gonna wrap them all up and not give you two curses at the same time. Knuckles, you rolled a natural one on your curse. I did. You gotta pee real bad. Fellas, I gotta do.

Anybody know where the bathroom is? Oh no. Make a presence check and as you do, what did you get? Four. Four. Your head grows large and becomes just proportion to your body. Oh man I think Galileo has a brain to me

I think something's wrong Why does this keep happening to you man? Every time I have a drink My brain swells up Oh gosh Gary, what do you get? I got it my team first of all Second of all Look at Knuckles

I think this might be the writer's Thinley veiled finish Guys I got a bitch Having to go but not be able to find a bathroom He's squirming in his seat and Oh gosh. I piss real big fellows. He's on the inside.

Gamelay, you'll need to get out in order to get him in, but he's squirming. Andy, what did you roll? I got a 17, man. A 17. A 17. A 17. You permanently gain one toughness.

Oh. What the hell? That's gonna put me up to a plus one in my toughness. You're a restraint only drinking one beer. Just gives you that edge compared to your companions. That makes you just a little bit stronger. I don't know what to tell you. It's my iron liver.

It's growing stronger. The liver's like any other muscle in the body. The more you work it, the stronger it gets. The cirrhosis is a super power. It's the power of. No, Gary, cirrhosis is just the... Guys, I really gotta go, please. Cerosis is...

I'm working on it, Matt. I'm sorry. They were pushing out. And that's when it hits you. Both of those beers, Gary, as they fills your puppet body. You are convinced that you're in a cart racing game. Mattles, why do you get, settle down. Just let him get out of the blue, please.

I don't, I got the piece. What was your present? You made a present check. 19. 19. You do see at the other side of the bar what appears to be a restroom. I'm out, bro.

I'm out. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. And I'll shuffle really like tight steps. Oh no, you're not going to beat me there. E. E. I just, I just,

rushed to get to the bathroom before. I just want to say our viewers at home could not appreciate that when Gary sat down on the table and his legs splied out exactly like he was in a go-car because he can't see it on camera. It was literally perfect. I got that. It was literally perfect. I'm gonna zoom you guys out so that we can get some more puppet. He was like, bu-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bh.

That's the best song. Are you also zipping to the rest of the to beat? Yes. To beat our knuckles. Okay. B, but, bu, bu, bu, b, no. I gotta go, please.

Both of you make, blah, blah, blah. I make sure I stay in front of him. Both of you make agility. Agility. I'm going to be bananas. What? You're convinced that there are. Oh, loser.

Oh, what is it? Oh! What is it? Agility. Agility? I got an 11. I got an 11. You're moving, but you're making these tight little steps.

You know that you're right on the edge. Your eyes are starting to darken and you're going to tunnel vision. Your teeth hurt. Your muscles are tensing. And it's in this moment that all of a sudden Gary on his rollerblades imagining something squeals in front of you and you see a banana drop down and you slip and fall. I need you to make a toughness test. Oh no.

No. To see if you pee yourself. Please don't make it piss himself. Oh, I'm good. 18. Oh, thank God. You manage to hold it in and Gary, you slide into the bathroom. My back!

Oh! Gary! Oh! I see all this unfolding. Instead of getting up, I look to my dear friend Galileo across and I say, how's work been? You know, pretty good. Just interning at the news station. How's that asshole manager been? I mean, I know that you were having problems. Like, what's going on?

Uh-uh. He still on your ass? Yeah, he insists on all doing work. And I mean, that's bullshit. A clock in, don't I? It's not easy to press the button. And I continue to talk to Galileo, but his work on. Minutes later, your friends, unpissed, uh, return, uh, return. Yeah, you're, you've actually got a stitch on your side from how bad that was. Ah, Gary, oh.

You know, have an injury to it. I could have grabbed my skull open. I could have had a TVI. It stands a traumatic brain injury, you know. Gary, you do this three times and then the third time, it's bap, bop, bp, bp, bap, bp, bap, bap. Eventually you make your way back to the booth, sliding in. Buh, bbubbub, bop, bop, b, b, b.

I, biss. I piss in the toilet. You do. And minutes later, you make it, you make it, I don't even know if Gary does use the restroom. He's in a race. What was that all about? You do make your way back, Michael, and everyone's back together at the bar. I defeated Wallaweeachian.

What? What was that, man? He was standing at the stall, kind of like looking over at me. What? That's a kind of weird burger? Yeah, sounds like a pest. He's kind of like maintaining eye contact and took it on its mustache. Most times.

Okay. All right. Gary, I'm going to stop you right there. That is inappropriate for a minute. Jesus. He's talking about it. I don't know how that Wal-Owee's got. We've had these conversations for it.

Gary, when we're sitting down for a nice meal, we don't talk with that. What? How, what, how, am I not supposed to tell you my dearest front-handed, my dearest roommate, that Walla-Boo's, my dear one, Then Walla Boge was standing at the stall. Tugging on his mustache. You can tell me anything, Gary.

That's what I'm here for. We're best friends. And just room. Why he tells me that the battle line up? You're right. Just like knuckles bottom of all that. I don't want to think about Wolleiji tugging on his mustache while I'm trying to enjoy a beard.

I mean, you don't think about it. You can go see it's still in there. I don't want to. He's waiting for somebody. I don't know if there's anyone in specific. I don't want to be. involved with that Gary? Well, I'll say it. His knuckles okay? Oh, is it? Oh, it's not.

Hey, Gary, you see that fucking pervert in there? Yeah. Oh, here we go. Oh, my God, he was yanking on his fucking mustache. I've never seen anybody like twisting that like that. He was like waiting for somebody. Yourself's fucked up, man. Going both directions, too.

Yeah, he said the wah-wah-wah thing to you too? Oh, yeah, he was muttering. Oh, man. Did he ever leave the bathroom? No, I'm not the thing. Nobody's ever seen to come out, right? No, I don't think so. I mean, I haven't seen anybody come out. It's not from you guys. Hey, Galileo, why'd you go in there and face him? I mean, I'll go to check. I can't want to skip.

I can't want to see if he's still in. Just be careful. I don't even when you get into the doorways. I know, I mean, I'll try. But look, if anybody's going to be able to see what he's doing, it's you with your giant head. Yeah, that's right. What if he starts talking on both sides? Try to look over the stall, see what you. Yeah, just like, creamball, but not the perfect way.

Remember, just the perfect way. It's just the perfect. This is just, this is just Margarit research. See if he's actually present there. Yeah. Look, and Worski said, maybe we'll you stick the manager on him. Oh, yeah. Reginald was the name Reginald, Squeak.

Get him off of our eyes. Oh, this is a classic Reggie. If we get a classic job, man, this is a classic job for Reggie. We can bypass this beer maximum. I mean, because I'm getting near the limit and I got to tell you I need a few more beers. Boys, I'm gonna go see this Berber in the bathroom. I'm gonna go see him tug on the stash. Yeah, you can just stared out.

I got it. I go to the bathroom. You walk into the bathroom and not at a stall, not at the urinals, but sitting on the sink counter, the water running on all

five sinks. You see a man wearing a bright purple suit with a long mustache. The water is flashed everywhere. You can see his pants are very clearly soaked with something. And he's looking. I told me.

But we don't know the Zelle. We don't. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I'm really worried that we sent Galileo in there by himself. Why would we do that? Because it's funny. Because it's funny. Yeah, it's fucking funny.

I mean, it's fucking funny. He's like another round while he's in there. Yeah, exactly right. How's, uh, how are things? I mean, you know, how's work? Are you working, Gary? Are you still looking? Yeah, you know, I'm thinking about getting into mining.

crypto. No, you're all about the whizbiz. You're all about the whizbiz. Yeah, I mean, the Wizbiz isn't really paying, though. When you're selling, like, protein bars last week? Oh, don't even get me started. Oh, yeah, I messes all of my, I messes all my high school friends on favorite. First time, my mom got that message, too, by the way. Then it's energy drinks. Then it's

candy bars. Then it's watches. Then it's some timeshare thing. Yeah, well, if you don't have the hustle to be a boss bitch, then you don't want to take apart of this opportunity. That's your loss. Let's see what's happening in the piss.

You mean, are we going? Or you just mean like scene change? No, we're seeing change. You walk in and the door opens and you're standing in our essentially silent restroom. Of all the places in the local cheese, this bathroom is eerily quiet. You can hear the sound of running water and this man sitting on the counter and very intently watching you. No one else seems to be inside of the restaurant this time. I pull my mask down.

You pull your mask down on your massive head and you, and he continues to stare. I walk past him to the urinals, and I station in, I move. I get front facing. And I start to go. And then just... You hear the water stop. I look at it. I look over and see if he's moved, though.

You turn behind you, and the man is gone. I didn't know this was that kind of establishment. I thought the pervert would like hang out on watch, man. I guess he doesn't like big heads. You turn back and all of a sudden you realize that there's a person in the stall right next to you. It's him, and he's looking right at you. Hey, what are you doing, man? I didn't design any of this.

This is all Andy's idea. Andy, Andy gets all the credit. He's the inside at the bottom of everything. I can do it! Oh, yeah, yeah. Are you fucking shit? All the mozzarella sticks. Yeah.

While this is happening. You're pressing pretty loud in there. He turns to you. I'm wearing a public restroom, man. It's just courteous to put it to the side of the wall. How many tickets he got? Tickets. Dude, I got six tickets.

No! How many tickets you got? You're looking to trade? No, I never measured before. Oh, you said tickets? No, man, I'm not looking at trade. I don't want to beat Chubaka. You sure?

I don't want to beat Chubaga stuck in this bathroom. I got one of these, and his hand comes up. And floating in his hand is a small mushroom with green spot. floating above his hand six tickets what is that I mean I'm interested it's a one-up it's a what it's a one-up it's a what it's a one-up what's a one-up what's it do local teas can be a dangerous place tickets are important but if something should go wrong how tough does he look he looks agile despite despite his despite his weak frame.

His calves are safe. I couldn't look away from the calves, thank gosh. Okay. All right, man, I'll do it. Six tickets for whatever that is.

Show me the tickets. Yeah, yeah, right here, man. Here they are. Oh, man. Just don't. Just don't touch me. He swipes the tickets, and all of a sudden, it disappears.

And in your hand, it appears instantly. Well, cool, man. He ducks down below the stall and disappears. His eyes never leaving you until he disappears from view. And then looking back, the stall is empty. I contemplate the experience. I leave the bathroom and I attempt to quickly find Reggie.

Reggie. The manager. And as that's happening, you are still all sitting there at the booth. This is taking much long. than you anticipate. I'm gonna split the bill easily. Well, I mean, I- I just want one.

You're really gonna, are gonna venom me for one? I mean, I paid for the whole, the, all of them, you know? No, I know you did with all of them. Look, Gary, do you really need all those? Do you really need all those mozzarella sets? It's probably it's only matter if I think the bradda. It's kind of the principal. I mean, I bought them. While Gary and Knuckles argue over

Matsuels and who's paid for them, I noticed a beeping in my pocket, and I realized I remember I had the Tamagashi on me. and being slightly bored over the conversation that's happening, I pull the tomogachi out, and I begin to press the buttons to see if I can take care of my tomogachi. You make a present test. Ooh, 10 on the dot.

10 on the dot. I would say that you are a little frustrated. It's been a while. You realize that even though you are taking the necessary action, you haven't been keeping up with the time of got you. And he's looking a little sickly. Oh, shit. So I begin to, I try to tend for my tomogatia.

To pass the time. How much for your presence? 15. If I can roll back just very quickly. Sure. Can I attempt to wash my hands in the bathroom? Can I attempt to wash one of the stamps off? Sure, sure.

You put your hands underneath the water and you begin to scrub. Brilliant. This is going to be a high DR test, but I need you to make a... I'll get in there before the ink sets, dude. The ink almost feels indelible. What kind of test? I'm thinking. Oh, okay.

I'm going to make it... See, I can see it being almost any of these. I'm going to let you choose your... I choose agility. Yeah, okay. So you... As quickly as you can, as dexterously as you can. How much do you get?

Roll to 13 plus 2 on my... 15. Doesn't come off. This ink is extremely permanent. You wonder how hot you would have to get the water or what it will take. And thinking back to your other visits to local cheese, sometimes it takes days to fame.

Oh, dang, man. Now I'm an M&M carpet. You make your way out. This sucks. And with a 15, you look over, and you can see that Reginald, Reggie, the manager, is at the front door area, welcoming some new guests, thanking them for the local cheese.

I go out to them super quick in front of the guests, and I say, Reggie, brother, there's a pervert in the back. I'm sorry. There's a what? Reggie, bro, there's a pervert in the bathroom. I don't know how I was to say this to you. There's a guy in there, purple suit. He stole all my tickets. I'd like my tickets back, if possible. Six tickets. Uh, he just left me with these weird shrooms, man, and he was talking on himself the whole time. I'm telling you. In the bathroom. He gave you a one-up. Well, yeah, this. This shroom thing.

That's very valuable. Well, okay. But I think you're missing the point where he was talking on himself and he's a perfect well I think you should check it out directly he snaps his fingers and behind him two massive security guard a gentleman show up he muscles the size of fucking barrels almost seven feet tall each just a towering over you they're they're made of of of brick and muscle and sweat the only thing that are two small sunglasses on both their bald heads and they are, you boys come with me. And they start to rock forward going towards the, towards the restroom. And you feel that you've given them the information to at least buy a few minutes.

I'm worried. I'm worried. I'm going to get a little bit. I'll make my way back. I don't know. I mean, he's right, he's right there. No, no. I think they're giving that guy what he wants. Wait, what, give him what guy? The perfect in the bathroom? The perfect in the bathroom? I think they're giving him what he Hold on here comes Calaulet. What happened, man? Gotta Leo! Because, uh, so I met the pervert. He was staring at me the whole time in the stall. Like, just like you said.

And you talked to him? Well, yeah, man, here's checking me out. What happened? So, so, I told him, he asked me how many tickets I had. I told him six, obviously, that's how many I had. You never tell some bathroom pervert how many tickets you have. That's dangerous. He was incredibly convincing, man.

He was over the stall? I had a big head. That's a rookie mistake. Was he still doing the mustache thing? Oh, he was talking on himself. He was talking on it? He was yanking it, man. He was just yanking him anyway. I mean, usually twirled, but he was just yanking.

So then what happened? So he offered me this thing. I got this, like, mushroom thing with the green, the green. Wow. Yeah, it did. It was pretty cool. Oh, and then I went and I told Reggie that there's a purgaret in the bathroom, and he was talking on himself.

The whole time he was talking to me. And he got some big, muslily looking guys. And he, I mean, I don't know if I've seen those guys before. Reggie's got new muscle? What's the guy? He's going on. Talked in the tight pants, man.

I don't think I would have made the joke if I had known that those guys were around. Damn. He took it, he took, uh, he took three big men inside a bathroom to meet that perfect. You're buying shrooms in the bathroom and you didn't tell me? I don't mean to you. I mean, hey, he's got any more? Yeah, come on. Now the bouncer are going to get that guy and we don't even have a chance to get our shrooms.

Yeah, Galileo, I think you should give that to me. Because I gave you to get you to get to me. We're best friends. Also, you know, no, no. I'm at a cart racer, so I believe that mushroom is a power up for me. All I'm gonna say is you spent what, six tickets on it? Six tickets, ma'allaya thinks it's worth more than that. I mean, I'm sure you could broker a trade.

Tickets? I don't have five. Well, he's certainly not gonna give you less than he gave up for it. That's just bad business. And I had to do some other things aside from the tickets, my. What's, why'd you leave that out of the story? Oh, well, I don't know. It just didn't seem like something I wanted to admit to him the moment.

Oh, but now it's pertinent for you to admit to it? Well, if it drives the price up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Know your work, Gallagliano. know your worth. Well, I, um, uh, what do you recommend between the onion rings and the tape tops? I have to be honest, me, that's an important question. I'm a sucker for onion rings. I'm not a big tinder guy. If I have the choice, I'm taking onion rings every time. Oh, man, I'm the opposite. Could I, well, could I, can I get the, the big turbo,

Oh, let me, I got to call it by you. Big turbo, floppy, Cool Ranch, Dorito. Do you really have to say my name? Doritos, chicken kicker sandwich with onion rings. They're like, why do you have to say the whole name?

Yeah, I know. Could I get an iced tea? Oh. Giuseppe. You know what I'm an ice tea. Do you want to eat your Coke? Oh, Pepsi. That'll be three,

that'll be three tokens. Three tokens. Oh, that's a three tokens? That's not, that's not bad. Yeah, that's fine. Here you're not holding your pencil. Here you go. Yeah, that's fine.

I hate when they don't write it down. I know. It's like, who you're trying to prove to. Who do they think they're impressed? The only person that they have to impress is me. Just bring me my order. And just get it right. Yeah, all I want is for you to get it right.

Here, I see. And everything else you ordered arrives post haste. Is he going to write? He gets it exactly correct. fries. He also didn't get an icy, man. It's all there. It's all there. No, it's correct. It's correct. And when you finish your meal, you'll be able to roll a D4 and heal that much in hit points.

Exploding dice style? I'm sorry, a D4 and a D2 when you attack her. A D4 and a D2 for the ice tape. So both. Oh, shit. I think I have a D2 right here. Is there a menu that I could look at? Sure.

everything that you could possibly imagine that would be offered at a local cheese is offered here. The standard fodder looks like your classic pizzas, burgers, hot dogs, fries, a slice of pizza, your sodas, and your beers. What do you think? And then if you imagine something else that might be on the menu, perhaps the DM will, the GM will say that it also exists. You're fried pickles, I feel like they can be really good. But they really use a gamble. That is such a gamble. If they over batter them, it's just going to get out.

No, I got them last week. They were good. I mean, see, he's my thing. Every time I get him, they come to the table, and I feel like the branding is next to the pickle. They've already sloughed off. It's a new one. It's already set.

Here they do them like, they just switched. So they stick. They do pickle chips, so it's enough surface area. And they dry them out enough, so it's not too wet. All right, I'm gonna try it. They just switched, they just switched. Are you sure? I'm just, I'm sure.

Are we sure? Okay. All right, we'll split the pickle chips. Okay, you, uh, that'll be two tokens. Two, don't, wait, wait, you got a, A sandwich with onion rings for three. You should have looked at the dress. And I mechanically made a determination

as to where he was. Can you throw in a sandwich for one token? Like a big sloppy daddy burger or something? If you want D4 healing, then you can order that amount of food for two tokens. But for three tokens of food. I want to order three tokens. Then you could get a D6 amount of food.

What? Wait, how do I get a D2 and a D4? You order a drink on the side in addition to your fry. Do you have Coke? Pepsi's okay. Oh, damn it. You know, we most reserved beer. Who owns this place?

Hey, fellas, have you... Oh, it's, oh, my Pepsi Coke. How you know it? I do it. I swear last smoke these guys had coke. You think that's a recent deposit? That's the only way they would serve that. That's the nightmare.

But you know, hey fellas, have you wondered, or have you have felt that the older you get, the more you like ginger ale? Oh, yeah, I do feel like that. It's really been growing on it. I feel like it's like parabolic. We're like, you know, when you're young, you love ginger ale, and then you kind of grow out of it and you never have ginger ale for like two decades. Sir, I have other people I need to serve.

Oh, I'll have the ginger ale. Just the pickles in the ginger ale. Okay, that'll be three tokens, and you have a D4 and a D2. Could you bring back a menu? I think I might give something. There's a menu here at the table next to the small jukebox, silver diners spot. Oh, I'm only missing two health. I probably don't need all that. You can shoot him, Gary?

Could I drink? Could I drink? Can I drink? I'm still standing right here. This is too real. Do I need to write this down? Well, we would appreciate if you did. Yeah.

Also, in the confusion of everybody ordering and Knuckles attempting to, you know, change up his order, I attempt to just say that I need a beer without showing my hands. Okay. Make a presence test. And I'm going to say this is a little trickier than normal.

Sure. Around, around, around. I'm trying to take advantage of, yeah, I'm trying to take advantage. The confusion. He's getting orders left and right. He's reaching for his pad. I want to just pay for the pickles.

That's all I want. 16. Okay, so we got pickles. What's the suit of the day? It's here. It's written in chalk. It's written in chalk on the big board. It's always baked potato.

You ask every time. And it's baked potato every time, Gary. It's Saturday. It's baked potato on Saturday. The big, sloppy Doritos, Locos, burgers, slamma, jamma. We might be out of the, the, the, the jam-a-thag.

Can you, uh, can you do it in the cool ranch? Oh, well, we only have cooler ranch because they changed the name for no reason. Dot stuff. Oh. Oh, are you still running the, oh no, that's a little bit past that time, never mind. Are you still, also asking, you think I should ask. Are you still running the episode one promotion? I really want to get a big old cup with water water water.

You know, it's very unclear what year this is. It's very unclear. I'm really hoping for a big old club. 99. We do have the Batman and Robin mugs though. I'm sorry, the Batman Forever Mugs. Are you still ready to who wants to be a millionaire? Gosh, I love who wants to be a millionaire.

What do you want? Just tell me in tokens so I can write this down. Hold on. I got a 16 for my presence check. And he just write, okay, one round, the pickle chips. He's just writing this down. I just need you to mechanically, in an honorable way manner.

I'm paying two tokens for the pickle chips. Thank you. And everybody. I'm not gonna get the ginger ale. And I got two tokens for my beer if you're trying to get in that on that round. It's an extra two tokens. Two tokens. Okay.

Uh, um, mm. Mmm. Mm. You know, it's like, I want half of it on drink. That isn't that works to Harry King. I'm not hungry enough for full. Stop being a pain in the ass. You can get into your hands.

I can get into your hands. I already ordered my own food. There's a reason you can get a hot dog. It's too late. I need a few minutes. I need a few minutes. I'm sorry. Just bring the drinks.

Bring the drinks. I'll be back. I'll be back with your app. Thank you. They'll order when you can go back. Okay. Yeah. I don't think she didn't check her, she didn't check our, our stamps.

Oh, anyway, she fucking realized. I didn't think you got it. Tell her, she already. We're on the same page, right? Oh, exactly right? I think we're all right. Oh my gosh. Are you okay, Gary?

I just try to try to. Oh. Oh, are you quiet? Are you quiet? I'm the little quiet. I'm the star of the show, so you're the star of the show? You better chirpy up. I don't, I mean, we live together, Gary. I feel like, you know, it's a little building. I mean, I think the apartment is really filled with all of the fun things from my Williams. It looks like it's fine. I can bring you up even more. But you're thefting my money. You're living off of my, my patient. Moments later, the beer and the pickle chips arrive. Oh, oh, you gosh. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. You got back quicker than I thought. Oh, hold on. Do I have a choice of salad? It's going to be eight hours of Mikey just ordering shit off the menu. Such a classic. Do I have a choice of salad? No, no, you can have a salad.

That's your choice, but there's no, like, entree. This is a bar. If you want to go to the proper food area with the show, then you can go upstairs. No, he's asking for, like, dresses. Do you have, like, Caesar, a house, or like a vinaigrette? Yes, of course. Maybe like a ranch. There you go.

have some options thousand island maybe at one 99 islands at least oh how is the fishing chips here i always feel like it's hitter this it's tough to hear you know that you can't even afford that gary you can't afford that i feel like you've been here before and you said that exact same thing we've been here every week every week i'm so sorry i'm so sorry for this well i have other people she doesn't know that Gary order quickly come on she's got work to do oh uh gosh Uh-oh-oh-oh-oh I see that the grilled cheese is only of a kid's menu There's no kids menu Gary this is an 18 plus

establishment Then why is there a kid menu there's no kid you're you're drunk Gary you're drunk I mean no he's not drunk No no he's fine I mean I didn't need to say that it was a joke Yeah, okay okay okay okay with the kids menu you fucking heard it we're all fine all fine all right okay fine I'm between the pork the club And Gary, those are like four tokens apiece. What would you recommend? Yeah, which one's their favorite?

What would you recommend? The chicken tenders? It's great. Kill them. You know, actually, I'm not hungry. No, thanks. I'm four. Enjoy your pickle chips.

And the waitress walked in. Guys, she's not going to come back. Or ordering from the menu. You guys are really fucking this up for everybody. Okay, Gary, come on. I used to tighten up. Well, I just, I will. I was feeling a little assassin.

I'm here to drink, Gary. Andy, I think it's all your fault while I can't decide. You blame everything on me, Gary, and I, you need to use some introspection. I can't believe that you took so long to order whatever it is that you wanted. I didn't, I ordered you around to be,

you know what, I can't believe that. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers to Gary's beer. Cheers, cheers. Oh, that's great. Ah, hold on. I got to keep my Jerry curls. Nice and moist.

I keep forgetting about those. You know, I keep saying there's something about a fourth beer that really is like, I can use a fifth beer or a sixth beer. You know, whoever just said four beers is enough. No, I think as soon as you get to four, it's right to ten. Ride to ten. Right to ten, I'd say. Well, we got to see. I mean, I don't know how many more times we can pull that off.

I don't know. I mean, I'm feeling like I got a pretty good buzz going. Just very quickly. I feel pretty good. Also, tell me how many beers you are at? Four. Five, four, four, four, five. Five? Four? How are you? Oh, you're at five because he's like the piece of the

He lifted one during the fight. Oh, like an absolute fucking madman. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, man. Big Dan's having a good old time. On the odds. One three, five. Okay. All right fellas. I'm gonna throw some night ranger on the jukebox and play some dig dug. I'll see your room. Okay. Can you get out? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, we gotta go play some games! I got a shuffle.

It's that time. I got a few tokens left. Oh, let me see, let me see. I got two tokens left. Me too. Let's go. I'm going, I following up. All right, let's go. I follow up. I'm trying to find a game of golden axe.

Wow. Wow. That's fucking crazy. Are you kidding me? Golden axe is legendary, Andy. I'm going to get violent with you. Golden axe is legendary. We go to, we go play golden axe.

We head towards the arcade area. You head towards the arcade area, and this arcade area is a labyrinth five hours in. we head to the arcade area. You can see that there are games of all varieties. Every game that you could possibly imagine. There are cabinets for their arcades.

There are redemption games. There are pinball games and sports games like ski ball and hoops. There's competitive games like air hockey, whack-a-mole. Any game under the sun could attract your attention in this massive space.

You can hear the blips. You can hear the bloops. You can hear the music. And you find the four of you are standing at the top of the stairs looking down at whatever you fancy. Whoa. And careful, careful, careful, guys. This staircase is a little steep and I'm a little... Oh, you know, you're right. It's just three wide steps down.

Oh, wait a bit. Stairs! I've had four beards and I'm at Romerblaze. This will be five. No! And I run down the stairs after him. Are you okay? Are you all right?

Get up, get up. It's okay. It's okay. Hold on. Hold on. You know, also, wearing sunglasses inside in the dark arcade,

it's also, I can't really see them. Oh, they, they had that, that game where we can stop on frogs that line up.

What? You know, those, those are the buttons that you stop on them and they're frogs. I don't know if I've ever, I don't know if I've ever played that before.

Don't tell Da Vinci. I mean, Galileo. Don't think Galileo, I mean. Wow, a large run. Yeah.

Sorry, sorry. Sorry, Da Vinci's his cousin. I hang out with Da Vinci more, just don't tell him. I take a look around, after making sure that Gary is okay, I take a look around to see who's like down here, and specifically whether or not the manager and the bounces are down here. And just to get an understanding of the area. Make a presence test for me.

I'll look for golden ass. Make a prison's chest. Ooh, natural one. Soi one. There's no fumble there, but I just rolled very badly. Okay, yes. Yes, I know there's no fumble, but you, by the time you get to the bottom of these very steep stairs, the size of the cabinets, you can barely see the tops of heads, certainly, poking out from, you're in a crowd. You know, there's a tremendous number of people Saturday night. This is when the local cheese is at its hottest. No way, I'm going to see that short loser around here. But you do see a variety of the immediate games that are in front of you. A lot of the classics are here in this immediate vicinity. There are some dancing games. People are already at.

at the DDR, there's, you know, Shark Turbo frenzy to one side and space Super Crisis on the other, whatever you fancy. I decide to basically peruse the aisles and maybe not stick directly with my friends, but try to find an area that might be where there aren't so many other patrons in. Where it's a little quieter. There's maybe some game cabinets that are not

immediately at the bottom of the staircase. As I walk out of Bruce. You start to explore, and you all watch Andy, This same influence of the arcade hits you as well, where suddenly you just feel like finding something and immersing yourself in one of these entertainment machines. And he starts to go off in one direction. What are the three of you doing?

I would look for the closest DDR machine. Is that Dance Dance Dance Retribution? Revolution. Yeah, it's actually Dance Rumble. Oh, okay. Oh, Densens Rumble. Yeah, that's right. Similar but legally to think.

Yeah, I go, I walk towards Dance and you start to make your way up. And like all of the machines here, everything takes one token in order to operate. And you'll have to decide whether or not you want to do that. But I'm going to do D.D.R. G.G.O. Dig dug. Okay, you look for the dig, Doug.

Make a presence check. Dance Dance Resolution. And Andy. Oh, wow. I got a sate. And it is the dig-dug machine's been moved. It's either not here or you're going to have to continue to explore in order to find it. You start to make it and weave your way.

Oh, play something else. Can't believe I don't got no dug dig. Gary, what do you roll or two? I look around and I realize, thank God I got rid of my loser friends. I'm a bachelor on the prowl. I'm going to go prowl for chicks. I'm going to try to maybe find a nice, young lady who's probably busy playing Street Fighter 2 are the equivalent, and I'm going to put

on the moves. You start to make your way into that direction. And you start to this, you just start to, you just start to around. I forgot to add the dating sims sub game. I forgot. My bad guys. I'm going to hit two weeks. Your relationship goes to three hearts.

Andy, you, I needed to make another presence check. Oh, much better. 18. 18. You find what you're looking for in this, uh, uh, uh, uh, extremely. crowded space you find a very quiet places. Is there something specific that you're looking for other than quiet? Oh, no, absolutely. I'm for beers deep, at least, as far as we know, for the record of the game. Pre-gaming being what it is. Yeah, and, and, you know, I'm jazzed up from the

fight that we had. There's, you know, look, I'm a dangerous man with some tickets in my pocket. Okay? And I try to see if there's any way that I can jiggle open this machine to get to the tickets inside. There are, um, uh, we find an open, empty lane. As long as someone is watching. And that's my goal. With an 18, I would say that you feel like you have a corner of the arcade that nobody's going to tread in.

All of these machines are either out of order or are, uh, uh, it looks sort of sad. There's a, uh, this seems to be like mundane house chore or the game, that, that kind of thing. Uh, the more popular games being closer to the center of the arcade for sure. and looking both ways. You also see at the end of this aisle of out-of-order regular arcade cabinets, one that's like almost glowing, vibrating green. There's a thin amount of smoke drifting down

and pulling out from the bottom of it. It's very quiet in this lane as you lean in, but you can see at the top... I've never seen this one. You can see at the top in bold, rounded letters. It says Liminatica at the top. I am hoping to like shim open the inside to see if I can maybe even steal some tokens along with some tickets But I've never seen this before and I would say I approach it and I would attempt to do what I'm looking to do

You are my show both ways and you choose the active machine because it almost certainly is the most likely the one to have some tokens in it and I need you to make a strength test Oh gone I got a three a three yeah not very good look and you begin to push against it, but the front of this particular cabinet seems sealed shut beyond even what reality would tell you. It's immovable. As this is happening, you approach one of the DVR machine. Is anybody playing it? You do have to get in line. There does seem to be what appears to be a gentleman wearing a full... Purple suit?

No. That would be... He turns around, his pants are soaked. This person's wearing a cloth. This person's dressed as a ninja. You can't see their face, but they are very dexterously moving and attempting to beat a high score. And their score is high, climbing, climbing, climbing, climbing all the way to the top. When they finish, they bow to the screen and you can see them almost getting to the second place.

They snap their fingers, but then, immediately about face and make their way to the back of the line very politely. Is you right behind me? Yeah. Hey, are your feet okay? My feet are always okay. Oh, why did you do so bad? I have brought shame upon my family.

Yeah, no, I noticed that, yeah. I'm gonna have to try harder. I need to be more focused next time. I assume your toes were broken, just by how bad that was. That is very insulting. It is not nice to be rude. We are all here to play games. No, that's true.

The spirit of this place fills me with ambition. Wow. Wait, well, uh... Please, take your turn. You are holding up the line and I ready for another chance to beat. No, no. Well, what I was gonna suggest is if, uh... I think I could beat you.

And, uh, if you wanna go in a head-to-head, uh, DDR battle, man, I think that would be awesome. A competitive game. Yeah, the only problem is... I accept your offer. Well, perfect. That's perfect. The only the thing about it is I have no tokens, so You actually have tokens? I have no tokens. Oh, you have no tokens?

Oh, you have no tokens? Make a presence test to see if you are able to convince the game-loving ninja. 15. It would be an honor to do battle. He holds up his fingers very quickly and you can see two shining tokens. He flips his hand and spins it up and you are able to grab the token out of the air. And he heads over to the other side of this B. I can do that too, man. Oh! I'm still working on it, Rick. I'm still working on it. That was pretty cool, though.

You get in front of the machine and you immediately saw that battle mode. You are in a competitive game with this ninja and he immediately cranks the difficulty all the way up to the hardest difficulty. Uh-oh. The only way I play is master level. Wow. Yeah, man, same. Yeah, let's dance or whatever. Go!

You begin to dance. You watch the arrows fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hardest one is actually the slowest one because it requires the most muscle control. I need you to make an agility test, and because it's a contest and I'm going to set the DR, I'm going to be making something of an agility test on my side. Oh, okay. I'm just getting a sense of how well he's doing. Oh, agility test?

Yeah. 17. Damn. I, at master level, and with what I roll just to get a sense of how well this ninja was doing, he is, which is not part of the system, I'm just using it as a divining rod. He is extremely dexterous, and he's doing extremely well. But this is not your first DD rodeo, and you start to get into the zone. You are multiplier, multiplier,

stacking all of the combos. You're hitting some of the bonus extra stuff that the ninja just isn't able to reach out for while making sure that everything is contained. And by the end of this game, you have beaten and bested the ninja. Oh, that's right. Yeah! All right!

You, he looks, or his body language says that he's shocked at being bested at this. game that he's clearly been playing over and over and over. He turns to you, you are a true warrior. Dude, don't worry about it. It's easier the third time you try, okay? He bounced to you. I still have much to learn.

You're kind of intense, man. Can I give you a secret? Yes. You're just trying too hard, man. You got to do less. You got to let the game just flow through you, bro. I will do more at doing less. No, dude.

Okay, all right. Steal drumstern. And out of the front of the machine, of your side, I needed to roll a D4 for me. Nice. Four? Four tickets come out of the ticket slot at the front for your high score, and you fold them up

and put them into your bill or wherever it is, your backpack, let's say. Knuckles, you are looking for dig-dug, and you're getting deeper into the arcade. Do you continue? I could have sworn it was here last time. I mean, I guess if I see like, you know, Cruze and World, the Killer Instinct, I'd stop and play with it.

Oh, Shucks! The Cruze and World sounds so much better than what I was going to do. All I want to do is play Ramble. It's 1999 fair is fair game, maybe even Crazy Taxi. Oh, Shucks! Roll a D6 for me. Oh, please have Crazy Taxi! One.

Uh-one. You shockingly don't see Cruze and World. You shockingly don't see Killer Instinct. You can you can. You can't seem to find any of the familiar stuff. You do, however, briefly pause and look, and there is a massive tower that is standing there. And at the top it says, win 1,000 tickets.

It is the tower of power. Whoa. And for one token, you could earn the opportunity for this possible chance. What? I got fucking two shots at this. Let's go. Here we go.

I want to walk up to it. You walk up to it. And the game seems simple enough. It is, you watch someone else play first because you're a savvy arcade user. Very simple. You push the button once and it starts going, and you push the button the second time,

and it stops, and a second ring starts to go up and down. If you can make the match, then you get a thousand tickets. But you watch person after person, player after player, fail at this simple task. Mechanically, what you would have to do is roll a number on your D20 and then roll that number again in order to succeed.

For a thousand tickets, that's a good deal. That's a great deal. The odds are one in 20, and that means we'll do the math here. If I have two shots at it, one in ten.

Checks out. I mean, though, I don't like those odds. Let me think, let me think. We're not together, but meta-wise we are. I mean, if I could find a way to get 20 tokens, It seems like a no-brainer. I mean, it's really it is.

I don't get more tokens. It's like free money. We're like the ages of the show. It's like going to the slot machine. Playing video poker. You know what? I could try once, right? It can't hurt just once.

I would still have one token left. Let's do this. Is the song that I put on on the jukebox still playing? I guess would that have cost me a token to do? Yeah. It wouldn't have cost you a token. It's one of those. you just enter, get into the queue, and just as you get past the two,

wait for the two, three players, you hear Highlanders the one start to play over the speakers. Yes, you're going to put in the token, you hear it. I'm like, I can't hit the notes, I'm trying to hit it. But I'm singing along. You're living life. I'm living life, and I walk up and I put my token in. You push the token in, and it's a

and you are getting ready to lock in the ideal spot. All right, Knuckles. Don't let Giuseppe psychia out. It's the fighting freak knuckles. Unlocked Sonic, I don't chuckle. A natural 20. Whoa. Wow.

And now you've got to do it again. That's fucking madness. Oh, that was really good. It looks high, I guess. You, you, you. One in ten. One in ten. It's right, it's right in the center.

Rather than having to hit the top, right in the bottom, you nail the median right at the, middle point of this tower, which means that as the next ring comes up, and it seems to be a variable speed, it's not always exactly the same. It's moving up at a pretty good click. You feel like you have the best chance for this possible rhythm to go, and you have it all the time in the world. If you hit this, I'm going to scream. Andy's going to scream in game and out of game. We got this. Got to hit the same number. Yeah, he just has to roll another 20. Put my brass knuckles on. And the thing's going, it's moving.

You're watching it. I adjust my Mohawk and make sure that it's as poignant as possible. And I look around to see if there's any hot chicks watching. There's two hot chicks watching. All right. Whoa. I got this. All right.

Roll in our 30s. I'll give them the knuckles. And all... 18. 18. Oh! You get you. You give it the knuckles and you slap just after it passes and it goes,

it turns red and it collapses in red lights and clearly is indicating that it needs another token in order to proceed. All right, I'll try again later. You walk away and continue to search for dig dog. Killer instinct, crazy taxi. Gary, you start to look for the hottest of the chicks. I'm rolling bloody around looking for hot chink playing street five. And don't forget, you're wearing jinko jeans, you have sunglasses, or you've got a jean jacket, sunglasses. Yeah, you're cool as hell. I am a stud. I'm Don Juwon. I would ask that you make

a presence test. Okay, we, I'll be blowing all my twists. So, that's actually a good point to you don't get to reroute. Oh my god, doesn't. Natural 20! There's the tower. I hold my tongue. I hold my tongue. I hold my tongue. I hold my tongue. What is the... You are looking for the Street Fighter 2 cabinet when you pass the... Dead or Alive volleyball machine. Yeah. And you see one person playing this game surrounded by a variety of her friends.

All of them seem to be the big titty goth girlfriend variety. And hers are the biggest. I want to, again, say... I'm a little intimidated by groups. You keep rolling? Yeah! Yeah! No, I could, but my cherry curls a little dry.

I'm gonna look for streetfighter, too. You round the bend, and it's as you twist around the side, you realize that you've gotten to almost the edge of the arcade, and you slam, not slam into, but you almost roll over, your good friend Andy. Eddie. Eddie! Oh, I-

They've got no dang dog street fighter too! Hey, hey, hey, no, shh, keep it down. Hey, I'm glad you found me. Why? I'm trying to do something illegal. What? I figure you'd be interested. I'm very interested.

How illegal is it? I found this weird machine and I don't know. I've never seen it here before and we've been here many times. I kind of want to see if we can get the tickets and tokens out of it. I mean, nobody's around, right? We're in the corner of the arcade. Oh my gosh. I have just the...

I have just the tickets. thing. Well, I can break into it. Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you to be fair. I try it. It's supernaturally strong. I couldn't, couldn't pry it open. What do you think? Talk to me. Well, I have a whole assortment of plastic cutlery. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. I think I use a oyster fork and a crab fork and I pick it. What do you think? I love that. What do you think? Look, you try it. No. I did what I could.

It didn't seem to work. I did what I could. I'm using an oyster fork and a chopstick. Do it. Okay. Do it. Look, hold on. And I pull out of my fanny pack, a Lisa Frank notebook.

And I begin to tear off the front cover, the back cover, hoping to make like maybe a shim out of the stiff cardboard and say, if you need more, I got you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oyster fork.

Plasm. Gotcha. All of his stuff is laid down the floor. Got it. Here you go. Here you go, doctor. Okay. Now, I just need to listen here.

Yeah. Use these plastic utensils. And at this time, we don't really realize how many microplastics we're putting in our bodies by using this. Right, we can't know. We can't possibly know. As I'm sucking on a floor. A lot of people are still smoking at this point. You must realize.

I'm chewing on a sport. The smoke is in the air. What else do you need? Come on. How's it just coming on? I need the shimmy. Here you go. Okay, step of scope.

Oh, I don't know. Oh, here it is. Okay, here you go. Plastic test. It's still going to be a strength test, but I'm going to lower the DR because you're being helped by Andy. Okay, strength test. Here we go.

I blew by last 20, let's go for two to a row. Oh, is that cocked? No, no, I can't know, Gary. Oh, I still have five. Gary, it's still a five. It's a six. How's you coming along? Oh, I just need a second.

I think I might need to try to riz up a street fighter too baddie. Gary, I mean, well, you get my confidence up. I'm not gonna stop you, do what you gotta do, but I'm telling you this thing is like supernaturally seal. I've never seen this machine before. Yeah, yeah, uh, I wanna go back and look for the street fighter, too baddy. Go ahead, I'll keep working on this. Just make sure you let you know if anybody's coming, okay?

It worked. I actually got it was gonna get it, but I just figured I didn't wanna let you, I was gonna let you take the glory. Oh, okay. I didn't fail or nothing. Fine, fine, Gary, I'll work on it. Galileo. You've just bested this mask stranger in D.D. Rumble, and the world is your oyster.

You think that... You don't have to do, like, literally this. From the corner of your eye, you spy knuckles swimming through the people. You can see the spiky hair over the heads and shoulders. But you may choose to go and do whatever it is that you please. I think having earned my well-fought victory against the Dan. Ninja. I would move towards my friends. I would catch side of knuckles and move to catch up with them. You catch up with knuckles and knuckles you find your friend Galileo at your side.

Oh, hey. Have any luck yet? Oh, yeah, man. It was awesome. Got onto a little DDR challenge this one super weird ninja guy. And he was like, yeah, it's really intense, man. Oh, did you know, show him up again? You know, trick him into challenge you knew and then take all his tickets. Oh yeah. Like you usually do. Yeah, you know it. Yeah, I wish I was that good at anything.

What are you talking about, man? You're great at stuff. I've got these giant rhino hands. How am I supposed to be good at arcade games? They aren't even any digits. It's just like this. I'm giant rhino feet. I'm not good at DDR.

I just want to play dig-dug. I can't even find that. I'm absolutely keeping my eye open for both of them since Gary has tried to help me and was unsuccessful. Okay. What is it? That was successful. I just chose not to.

You peek around the corner, and it's easy enough. You guys are in the sort of the center of the arcade, and it's right here in the center that a circular booth makes the ticket prize... What am I looking for? Not exchange. The counter. The counter, where you'd be able to turn in your tickets for goods. That's essentially where you're all starting to converge,

as you had ventured through the play area, the arcade. The quiet area that you found, Andy and Gary, begins to crowd, and you find yourself driven back into the center of the arcade area, finding your way to Knuckles and Galileo. I thought we had it. I really thought we were going to crap. We're going to do.

I can't believe. We're being, is it a flash mob? Yes. Oh, God, I hope not. Oh, God, I hope not. That's so it hasn't happened here. I think I'd rather die and fall into coins. We make our way towards the center of the arcade room. I skate my way.

You do. And it's here that you can see a massive digital banner over the circular prize counter where you can redeem your tickets. There's a massive mountain of goods and accessories and all sorts of toys and redeemables. From the very small one to two ticket purchase to all the way at the very, very top you can see what is labeled as laser sword floating, redeemable for 9,99 tickets.

Holy smokes! I only have six! Shut, let me see. Wait, I only have five. There's a game over there where you, wait, was that 1,000 or 10,000? There was a 1,000 redeemable, the tower power is 1,000. Look, I have an idea, fellas.

Alright? Okay, I mean, there's a game over there where if you wins a thousand tickets. I'm in! Whoa! And we just gotta play the arts. All it takes. is on average 10 tokens to win. Really? That's all it takes.

On average? Yeah, and so if we can get 40, if we can get, wait, what's... 100 tokens? 10 tokens? I don't know. You're confusing. If we can get 100 tokens, we can get one laser sword. I mean, that's pretty crazy.

I can't believe you can't even give that out. It seems dangerous. And then if we only need four laser swords, that's only 400 tokens. It's easy. Those need that up. All right, well, quick, let's pull our tokens together. How many tokens does everybody have? I have two. I got two.

I got two. I also only had two. Well, I did have two, but then I tried the game and I lost. And you're one? No, I have one. Yeah. Zero. So we have five tokens, which means we only need 395 tokens.

On average. How many our weaklings are in this room? Can we kill a couple of them? I look around to see how many people are in this arcade and do some quick math based on what we got from beating up the meatheads. Make a present check. I fail. I fumble. I mean, it's difficult to say how many people are in the local cheese.

I don't know. There's a ton of people here, Gary. There might be enough. Okay. I think we know we have to do. Wait, wait, what? Are you going to insinuate that we're going to commit some crimes? Yes, we're going to sabotage some of these machines. What if they have security cameras? Well, they do. And that's why- You can be watched every fucking second. They do. We tried. I was in the back. I found a deep dark corner of the arcade,

and I was trying to pick the lock. I was trying to I was trying to see if I'd get some tokens, some tickets out. Look, I know it's, I'm not my, I'm not proud. Well, I'm a little proud. I'd be more proud if I succeeded. No, it was like super naturally strong. I need to do. Oh, man.

I couldn't find you. I mean, if you need the guy to smash something, I can say, I can give it a try. Okay, what, what arcade machine would have the most tokens? Well, hold on. We, I have six tickets. How many tickets do you guys have? Oh, I have four tickets.

That's, I have four tickets. That's 15? I have four tickets. That's 19. Okay, what can we get for, for 19 tickets? And I look at the rest of the menu, see what there might be at the prize redemption counter. At least some of the offerings to get an idea of what we might be able to purchase.

Holy shit, it's Omni slash. You actually do see a Buster Sword that's up there for a 50 ticket cost. It's only 50 tickets? Look at that thing! We have to get more tokens and play that game. If we get a thousand tickets, we can buy whatever we want. What else? What else?

There's an aluminum bat for 30. There's a set of five shiricans for 40. There's a round hard candy wrapped in a strapped piece of paper for 100. There's what appears to be a ping pong game for 250. Oh. Anything you can imagine within that general range. Yeah, but look at that sword. That boss is sword. It's like this wide. Whoa, look at that neon clock for Corona. There's a parent on him. I kind of want that clock.

I don't know what to tell you. It looks so good at our apartment, Andy. You're right. It would. It really would, but it's so many tickets. And there's a sword right there. Why would that be 750? Look, there's some glowing like, like, like, like, like, in the sword itself. It's beautiful. Yeah, and there's only two parents.

For 750 tickets, you think there'd be at least be three to parents. I'm not the one who made the clock, Gary. I don't know what to play. I'm feeling, or at least there'd be some, like, big titty bar witch. You know what I mean? Wait, you mean like that comes with a sign or it's on the sign?

Well, it's on the side. Oh, okay. To show everyone how much of a cool dude. So, now what? She hands it to you or what? Does she hands you the clock? No, no, she's in the clock. Well, she's in the clock.

It tells you the time? Well, the hands tell the time. For 750 tokens, I hope so. For tickets, I hope so. And you all look up and towards the top of the mountain for 7,77 tickets, you see a clock and you see the woman almost identical to what Gary described. Whoa!

Oh! All of a sudden, I don't want it anymore. I don't know. That's... It's like the mirror dimension from Superman. Yeah, I don't need the... I'm not a fan of that. Oh!

You think they take trade-ins for tickets? Like what? You mean like tokens for tickets? Like maybe if I got something that, you know, they would want to use as a prize, they give me some tickets in exchange. Couldn't hurt to ask, right? I mean... All right. Let me do my thing. Okay. We'll be here. Let us know if you need.

You walk up to the ticket counter. And there only seems to be one, um... For like of a better term, merchant or cashier. It's an elderly gentleman, totally bald, extremely pale skin, deep gray sagging sacks underneath his eyes. He's wearing a long black sweater, but it almost appears to drape off of him like a shroud. He hands over a pair of plastic vampire teeth

over to one of the other patrons of the local cheese. enjoy your stay and he turns and he almost floats over to get in front of you. Yes, how may I be of assistance? Hey, Billy, how's your ma doing? It's good to see you.

I am the master of tokens. I am the lord of the vault, the hoard master, the king of prizes, the collector of tokens. You can call me Lenny. Oh, Lenny.

I'm sorry. You brother. looks exactly like you. How's Billy doing? Billy is fine. He was in the hospital last week. Oh, is he doing all right? Is it stepping? Is it back? It was a touch and go for a little while, but he's going to be just fine. He's that's silly. I told you it's mega gout. I heard it was in remission. He's good with that. Everything is going to be okay. All right, well, I hope your mom's doing okay. Uh, can I... She's doing okay last time, my trick.

Can I interest... Oh, you gotta stop talking about guys' moms. Nuckles can hear us like a few feet away, like ripping on his mom. Yeah. Cut it out! I mean, last time, I visited her house. Y'all, you, you guys have a pretty good prize list here, but I wanted to ask. Find something real worth some tickets.

Would you do a bit of a trade-in? You know? I give you something. I must only accept tickets for the prizes. That is the way of the local cheese, as it has been from the very beginning. Oh, come on. God.

What a square. I mean, we do offer squares for redemption. There are 50 tickets. No, no, no. No, look, I'm trying to get tickets from you in case you want to offer this high-quality figurine. And I take out a small green dinosaur. It's made out of plastic.

Can we see one of these before? Yes, I gave it to you in exchange for tickets last week. Let me tell you all about it. This is a high quality worth at least 48,000 tickets. Is that Joshie? It's a pro-compsognathus, and it's got a removable chunk. See? Look at that. You can see his ribs.

Yes, it's very cool. Look at how cool that is. He's not big. But I mean, look at that articulation. I mean, that's what I said her. It's bottom. It's got a nice paint job. There's a little bit of blood around his teeth.

I mean, that's worth at least. Oh, look, instead of 48,000 tickets, why don't we, you know, meet in the middle and say 100 tickets? What do you think, money? Perhaps you would be able to convince any of the other customers here to exchange the appraised dinosaur for the amount of tickets that you are offering me. But I can only accept the pay

paper tickets produced by the game. Look, it was a good try. You know, Lenny's a hard ass. You know that. You've changed, Lenny. You've changed. I don't get him know that. You're gonna stand?

You're giving yourself all these fake tiles. It doesn't make you cool. You peaked in high school, buddy. Just because I shaved my head last month. I think he's going through a midlife crisis. Well, let's be real. It's better than him hanging onto the hair. All right, thanks for nothing.

I'll be back. Master for tickets. I am at your service. It's like he forgets that two months ago, He was working at Blockbuster. Well, you had to give people an ounce of power. I know. I know it's like Discord moderating.

That was great, man. It was a good try. Nobody wants my pro-compsogmatis. Well, maybe somebody else. I thought you had him, man. I thought you had him on the road to do that. You just do it his job. You got to cut him some slack.

That was a good pitch. All I can say is she comps up my insignatis in July chunk. Oh, uh. Bravo, Gary. Thanks. Bravo. Thanks. No, look, this is a chambles.

His life is over. Really. Unbelievable. Well, anyways, I think with only five tickets, we don't have enough token, so I guess I'll get a couple of Tootty Pops, some sentient erasers, and a rubber band. Yeah, but I mean, like, looking at the thing, that's all I can afford. I don't think that does anything for you. I don't even think it's worth it. I was really saving up for one of those inflatable pink electric guitars. Knuckles, I really think that if we were just to be careful about it. You would have rough up one of these machines.

You get the other. All right, well, you lead the way, and I can smash a machine. Yeah, let's try. I try to lead him back to the strange, glowing, fog emanating machine. Maybe I can't even find it again. I don't know. You start to make your way back. Oh, keep it out for Street Fighter 2.

I keep my eye out for Street Fighter 2. And there's any hot honey. And also the big titty goth bet. You have a present. You have a present. What do they play? I can't run their test. If I never did a street a volleyball.

If I ever need to succeed a presence test, it's right now. Wizard, wizard, wizard, wizard. Cursed us. I got a nine. My presence is not very good. You cursed me. You just gave me the curse of no bitches. You don't see any of the,

you don't see Street Fighter, you don't see the big titty dust. You don't see any of that. You see that there are no food available on the arcade floor, certainly. But there are still also stalls for serving alcoholic beverages, should you so be interested. But you make your way, and it takes a little time,

but eventually you recognize a cabinet, and you turn, and you find a relatively empty area. There does appear to be one patron, one customer at the end, playing one of the lame, like, office simulator games. But for the most part, you're in an empty space. That guy's not paying attention. All right. And this isn't the same machine as before, and that's fine,

because that thing seemed like it was uncrackable. I think you're strong enough. You can muscle this thing open. I mean, I might be. But look, you better fucking watch my back, all right? Don't. The three of us will watch. We're the greatest.

Look how see ever did dogs in. We're here. We've never failed. If I get caught, my mom's gonna kill me. You understand? She's not gonna have a heart attack. Think about the limitless tickets and tokens on this machine. You can do this, bro?

You want that laser sword? We gotta do this. We gotta do whatever it takes to get that dang dog laser sword. And we can all share. Look, every time Galileo and I buy shrooms in the bathroom, I'm rolling the dice here, right? And this is much more serious. Yeah.

the best look at the everyday dog's sleep. That's right. We captured an emu. That already worked out once today, man. We got great shrooms. Well, you did. I didn't give one. Well, we could share maybe.

It's kind of floaty and magical. I didn't, anyway. I guess I'll smash this thing open. And also be a lookout to make sure that you're getting caught. I put on my brass knuckles. Attention, here, you hear you, nothing to see. What if you make a presence test? I have the plus one.

And Knuckles, you will have to make the strength test. Zero as well. You roll this time. I've been rolling bad. This is gonna be a presence holder. I'm not to watch it. Yeah, I'm gonna watch it. You're a muscle.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Not good. That's okay. They've got my back, buckles. We're keeping up for the knuckles. I would like to use a twist. Can't do that.

You can't do that. But, remind me which cabinet you're breaking open. Are we still going for the... Glowing green one? It sounded like we didn't find the exact same one. No, no, no, no. You found that area, and there is that cabinet there. I told him that was basically nigh unbreakable,

and we should pick a different cabinet. So you find one of the out of order cabinets. I am gonna smash whatever Andy tells me. Which is not the supernatural, weird one that was like too hard to break. It seemed invulnerable. So you point him out to one of the other cabinets. In fact, you take him to the, it's called Tank Atomic Mayhem.

And you, uh, that's badass. Whoa metal slug! You punch, what was your role? Eight. Eight. It rings very, very loudly. But unfortunately, it doesn't break. It seems like you are really going to have to get behind the panel in order to pull this thing free to either get into its token container or find the tickets therein.

Come on, Nouglas! Stop messing around. Nobody's coming. Do this thing. Look like I'm going to have to get knuckles deep in this thing. You know what I mean so. You better have my fucking back, all right? We got you.

Do it. You have enough time. Nobody's watching. Nobody's watching. Go. I'm watching. I'm watching. Hold on.

I'm watching. Hold on. I'm gonna, I'm getting it. Make a strength test. Maybe we should all try to break it at these machines. Like all at the same time? Yeah. Another eight.

Another eight. You pull and pull and pull. And one of the corners bends. And you realize that you can almost look inside. There's a hole, maybe two inch but you can't reach inside. Inside there, you see a coiled set of tickets. There's gotta be a reel of 500 tickets,

fresh and ready to go, just inside. Okay, I have magic hands. I'm swallowed with you. You got all those big paws of the hippopotamus or whatever as you is. I loosening it up for you. Okay, here I go, ha-ya. I watch the Farns do this. And then Knuckles comes and takes over for watch

and helps us love. Yeah, and I'm gonna try to like body block, Gary. Make a strength test. and make a presence test. Fuck. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. 12.

And you got four. Four. You pull and you pull and you pull. I'm rolling well. Yeah. You are able to suddenly jiggle it free. Whatever mechanism was holding this free, you were able to break it.

And it finally, finally comes apart. And you suddenly pull the ticket wheel out. Here, let me just talk. That was easy. Wow. You're kind of weak knuckles. You suddenly hear a voice, and you don't hear a voice directly around you. You guys have been looking up and down the street, or the lane and row of these cabinets.

But you suddenly, with a four, and then another four, you look up and you realize that there's a security camera and a megaphone. And you hear... What? Hey! This is the manager. What are you doing in that cabinet security? Damn it, crap. You're right where they, right where you are.

Grab me tickets and let's go. Let's get out. Chase it, go. Come on. A door swings wine on the far side, and all of a sudden, ducking into the arcade space, you can see two security people start to rush towards you. And that is where we will end the first session. Yay.

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