Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 2 | Rock 'Em Sock 'Em

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

The night continues for Andy, Gary, Knuckles, and Galileo. They stare down ticket sellers, loose beers, and an animatronic band looking for a fight...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/1rLTo8qVsyQ?si=cXzuTT5b50tYKDbk

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. Whether it's your birthday, a big wing, or just a reason to celebrate, the local cheese is the place to be. Everybody is having a great time playing games. Wow, that's really awesome. Great. We'll keep the good times rolling.

Come on down, everybody. Pizza, prizes, and performances. You see a group of animatronic animals all on a stage looking, playing different instruments and looking a little uncanny. Don't miss out on the memories of the local cheese, we're making magic one token at a time! Yeah!

Woo! I love clowns. What? Grab the tickets and run! Grab the tickets! You guys, chees-it-you are sprinting, fleeing from security with a reel of 500 tickets underneath your arm as you are sprinting away, having broken in to one of the arcade cabinets. You can hear the footsteps from behind you.

I need everyone. Do we do group tests? Or, let's make it up. Absolutely. I need everyone to make an agility test. Ooh. Ooh, I got a seven, not great. 16.

Man, I got a one. I got a four. A four. We did pretty bad. I rolled two. And my agility is supposed to. I'm agile and I didn't do well. What I will say is given that I have a large snout with horns,

I'm just putting my edge down. You're confirming the two-horn theory now. And I'm lumbering through people. I'm goring people if I have to. I'm just knocking it out of the way. I'm not trying to be agile in any way, is what I'm trying to say. I see, I see.

Turning failure into success. One moment. Let me check the system here. I'm doing strength-y things, you know? I think that's very wise. Strength-esque actions. I'm being very prescient. You are, you're running,

and you can hear the footsteps are gaining on you. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. It doesn't look like you have much time before you are going to be put upon by these terribly strong bouncers. But, Galileo, in this moment of need, you look over and you can see the masked ninja that you competed against.

And you can see him like this, waving you over. Dudes, dudes, this way, it's the ninja guy. He's too big a guy, let's go! I beat him in D.R. I follow Galileo. Follow me. You race over and you can see that he's almost positioned to the side a cabinet and allowing you to dart behind the technology

for a brief moment to hide you. And it's in this instant that you duck down. You hear the stomping feet get louder and then soften as the security goes past you and turning to you. I think that I was able to hide you. Huh. First, about of your sunset. I never called you, Sensei.

Oh, I was just kidding. You bested me in a game of dance dance drama. Oh, I was just kidding anyway, man. It's good to see you, man. Who is this guy? Oh, I didn't tell you, I think. But this is the guy beaten in DDR, man. What if the serious?

What if the street? I was just a lot of implications, there. Wait, but he also in the bathroom when you bought the shrews? about the shrews? No, no, I went to go see, I went to see DDR, you know? Okay, okay, okay. And but I didn't have any tokens, right? So I got up there, I met this guy and, you know, he was doing this thing up there.

And I was like, hey, man, I think we should maybe... Hey. Yes, Gary? It's really rude to interrupt people. How many tokens... Excuse me? I can't understand you. How many tokens do you got Mr. Dijer Dan?

Oh, no. I have a sizable number of tokens, but I just protected you from the security. You could have been kicked out of the local cheese. And we don't want that. It's the only place where we can drink off. Oh, man. Speaking of, have you used your two drink orders? Oh, I'm sorry?

Three drink orders? I am not here to drink. I am here. That's perfect. That's perfect. You got to want a beer run for us. Look, we could all use another round. We'll wait right here.

I have already done you all a great favor. What if we front the tokens? I am going to take your tickets. What? You must give me that reel of tickets you have there under your arm. Whoa. So wait, not only you can't rob you, you're trying to rob us? Yeah.

Wait a minute. This is the local chief. I just saved you from the security, and you're going to deny me this prize. There are four of us and only one of you. You didn't have to do that, buddy. We made no sort of agreement. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that was awesome of you, but try rob us. He just stars and throw him at us? He reaches down and he throws. And stab us in the heart? He reaches down. And he says, and he reaches down. And he thumbs up his sword. Do not make me fight you.

I will do what it takes in order to take their tickets. I slowly reach my mall katana, which is way worse condition than his. You can put my thumb on and I begin to... Hold on, okay, hold on, hold on. I'm a short little puppet man. And I just think that we should all cool it down. And I'm gonna skate a little bit towards them.

And all I can say is I think we should Nattack and we're putting them in the balls. Roll the... Roll the... melee attack. Gary gets the reward at the end of this. He gets the, what are the superlative, where he gets the most surprise attacks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The superlatives. He doesn't see it coming. He's got his eyes on the tickets. And so when he looks down, he's almost reaching for it, you like that, it's almost like when Goro gets knocked in the balls by Johnny Cage in the Mortal Kombat film, which is excellent.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, attack! And you hear him yell ninja's attack, and from the shadows of the ceiling, ninjas drop down. Everyone to roll the initiative. Holy shit, it's the ninjas! So real quick though, his dice exploded. So he rolled 10 damage before these ninjas fell to the from the spot. To the nuts.

Yeah, to the nuts. So that's like double damage, dude. Initiative is three plus agility? Agility plus a D6. Oh, shit. Okay. So I got a two. Ooh. Boy, I also got a two by rolling one.

I rolled the three. Eight. Let me get 20 or two. higher? No, not even, there's no chance. It's a six. You can only get a maximum. You can only roll a D6.

So 9, 9, 8. So do you like... 10 or higher? No. I rolled an 8. That's the highest. 9. Yeah, 9.8.

Yeah. Bro. I got a 2. 2. So that means it's... You go first. And you go. It's Tyshen, Barnabose, Andy, or Scrib.

So literally the same order. Yeah. Wow. Unbelievable. Okay. Can't plan it. You deal this striking blow. and he falls over and cartoonish stars start to float around the top of his head,

like when you knock out one of the guards from Metal Gear Solid. He's out cold. You seem to have knocked him out in one punch. But one of the traits of the ninjas is that they get to go first at the beginning of combat. And on the sudden, they drop down. We're gonna quickly make a combat.

What? You can't even the odds. That's cheating. Says man who punched other man in nuts sack on the wares. They race forward and all of them seem to be equipped with... Looking it up. Looking it up. So sad that there's so much gang violence in this era. Who could have predicted this?

Who could have predicted? Quasimono. All of these things are equipped with catanas. But they are long, sharp, and unsheathed and each... All four of them immediately engage all four of you. I need each of you to make a defense test. Let's start with Mace and roll around. Nice and we'll go around.

Two. Two. You are gonna have to roll your... What's the word I'm looking for? Armor. Because you've got seven points... Oh, my armor's a two, I think? So you're... yeah, you'll flip a coin and then either subtract one or two from your...

You've got seven points of damage incoming. Two. Minus your drinks. Minus your drinks. Dime. He takes the whole thing. Oh shit, really? Oh, bro.

We're drunk. We're rolling. Oh, because of the fucking... That's why I'm blessed that. I got, I counted how many beers I was just freaking dry. Stupid move, bringing a bunch of ninjas to a gunfight. I roll a six, which is a fail. I rolled a four on my D6, plus four drinks,

is eight reduced damage. And he got nine points of damage, so you still take one point as the blade slices in. You got your fucking swords. Oh, God. Ten, ten point. I had nineteen on my defense roll. You managed to dodge what would have been ten points of damage.

Wow. You're very short. The tip of your hat floats away. Yeah, that means negative of HP. I got a ten. I got a 10 for dodging. I got a 10 for dodging. You are going to have to dodge or take two unless you're drunk.

At this point, like- Wow, I rolled a one on defense, but my drunk carries me, so I take the damage. You would, you see the blade coming straight towards your face, like in a jab-like configuration, and you're able to get your mall-caton out just in time, drawing my-drawn, and you see sparks fly out flashing against the back of these arcade cabinets.

That's the ninjas. Got a lay-up. Yes. stupid ninjas. Oh, that was pretty sick. What else? What else? What else?

Galileo? Wow. At this thing that Galileo said because he gets you so cool. What else, Galileo? I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty cool with this guy because he's telling a whole clan of ninjas, but. Tell him to dodge this. Tell him to dodge this. Oh.

What else? Lahn? Oh, oh. Dodge this. Doge this, stupid ninjas. Oh, no, no, no. Tell them, uh, be careful you might poke your eye out. dry out.

Oh, I'm my Nerf darts. Be careful. You're gonna shoot them in the eye with your D'Ref Darts. Oh, you just be careful because Nerf Dots are coming your water. Oh no, no, no. Say, who needs courage when you have a gun? Oh, that's pretty good.

Who needs courage when you have a gun? No, but don't say that you're laughing. Oh! Watch where you shoot that thing. Oh, I didn't do this once. Watch where you're shooting that thing! Oh, I shoot them in the face. What you attempt to?

Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, man. All this never hit. Well, we don't actually know what they're seeing. Seven. Did the ninjas have less than seven? Ooh, probably not.

No, you fail to hit them, but you, uh, like where the ninja was, there's a blur and all of a sudden they're in another position and racing towards you to... Oh, prank of wood! Oh, no, man. They're substitutions you too. They're substitute you too. There's substitution you too. Okay. I'm gonna nut punch another guy.

Fists of your man. Huh? Uh-oh. That's an eight. Seven, yeah. Eight. You may move if you want, and that's also true. It goes true for you, but Annie, you're up.

I'm going to move forward to engage the ninja whose blade that I blocked to see if I can do something good here, and I'm going to hope that I roll. That's only going to be a six. Uh-oh. This could be bad, folks. You slice down, and the other ninja parries your attack. And you are now having a full katana blade. Blade fight, but you aren't able to do any damage.

Knuckles, you're up. Knuckles, I believe in you. Has anyone taken damage? No. Not me. I'm very damage, though. I mean, you had taken damage previously, but not this fight.

Nobody's saying damage to this fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How wounded is Galileo? Not at all. Oh, not at all. I'm not gonna be brave. I'm gonna go around this way. And I'm gonna try to sucker punch this guy

from around the cabinet with my, with my, Nucles. Fuck. Ten? Not enough. No what? They're fast. They're fast.

But a blur. Your hand hits nothing but air and a katana comes flying back towards you. Whoa, that's speed. Make a defense test for me, Knuckles. I got an idea. Oh, here's it. Seven. Seven.

It's not enough. The katana comes flying forward. It's another ten points of damage in your direction. It's three damage. Three damage. He disappears and all of a sudden, he's right in front of you. You feel the blade dig deep into your wrist. How'd you do that?

Did you just go? The next ninja turns out and he pulls out three shirikins and picks three targets. The remaining three of you to all make the defense test. As soon as I see the shirkins come out, I say, give the tickets, give the tickets, give the tickets. Uh-oh. I got stabbed. What's defense again? It's agility plus a D-20.

I got a 10. I got a 10 as well. 14. Everyone who got 12 or lower needs to take seven incoming damage or subtract your armor and your drunken. Armor D6. I luckily rolled a five plus my four drinks.

I tanked the whole thing. Oh, minus 10. Minutes 10. I tanked the whole thing. You're able to even like period in the middle of your... I'm deflecting these shiriken as they're coming in. I did flet with my bare hands.

I call one with my bare hands. You also... You all fucking caught it? That's fucking crazy. Okay. Catana attack. on Andy and And a katana attack on Galileo.

Oh no, I got a natural one. So my armor is going to go down one tier and you're gonna roll double damage against me. Oh, damn. So my armor is gonna drop to a D4 instead of a D6. All of a sudden, I'm very vulnerable. That was an eight. So you, oh, okay.

And that was a six, so you've got 14 incoming. I have four drinks, which makes it 10 minus four is six. I take six points of my 10 health. Oh, fuck. All of a sudden, blood begins to pour out of me as this katana a catchment. No! You dodge-

I go! Fuck, that hurts! You turn to dodge the- And push away the shirican, and you feel the blade rake against the back of your arm, cutting into the back of your shoulder. Wait, I did this to three guys! Oh!

Oh! I feel simply pain! I'm getting like, I'm getting my head. I'm getting my head. Yeah, no, me watching it's just as bad if you feeling it. I can't watch you guys. Let me do that. And it goes tail.

Defense test. Oh, seven. Seven, you also have damage incoming, and it's one point of damage. So I rolled minimum. The blade... It hits your back. Who can't possibly foresee this? I'm twirling my Nerf gun.

And it is your turn. This is a classic Spike's Bugle moment. Um... I love the kind of woman that can kick my ass. Don't you get free? Object interaction or is it just like? Whatever you want to do, just try to justify it. I, we'll tell you what they-

So this ninja guy, what are their facial, what is there? All of them look like the foot clan from Teenage Green Ninja Turtles. It's just like the bug eyes and the- But they have eyes showing? Yeah, I'd say that they've definitely like painted their eyes. I'll take out my axe body spray. Okay. Yes!

I'll take out my ex-bott. You and I'm on the exact same page. And get fucked. Okay. Enjoy your stay at the beach. Why does it smell like cigarette butts? Macy mess. Everybody thinks he is.

I try and blind him with the axe body spray. And then if I can call that a free interaction, I'd like to then follow up and put my Nerf gun to his temple. Okay. Blow him away. Ideally. I will give you the attack if you successfully blind him. If you fail, then that'll be your...

How do I successfully blind him? By making an agility test, the DR is 12. Oh my gosh, they're ninjas. I did, folks! Not only is he blind, he's permanently blind. He's lost his forever. His eyes are removed. The axis melted his eyes out of his head.

He's racing forward with a sword and you may have defeated my brother in DDR, but I... He starts streaming like a cissy as he falls to his head. It really is a shower to camp. I'm going to say that this particular character, Ninja's DR, is going to drop because he's now blinded. You go ahead and make an agility test to see if you actually are able to pull the trigger, let's say.

That's okay. You've done a huge service. No, we're good. We're okay. That's just the worst. His convulsing and squirming, it's hard to hit and the nerve goes wide. Hey, quit moving, man.

Gary. I look at the honorable ninja combatants who are trying to fight fairly and with grace and I see the guy who's blinding forever and I see prime opportunity to cheat and suck your point in the balls Gary's special move is ball puncher time to cheat

he has iron fists of ball punching I skate between his legs but you're short and just bow You look back at all the times you've gone to the Speedball machine in the arcade and That'll do it. 12. 12 does it especially with the reduced D.R. I would have given you an eight or higher and You roll for damage Six six and without any- hold on hold on hold on you exploded? Yeah, oh my god six nine thirteen points of damage and

That's more than twice what you needed and that's more than twice what you needed as, yeah, his balls. You punch one. You punch one and then the other, and they shoot out of his mouth in a nightmare arcade configuration. It's like watching the Nutcracker on ice. This blind man experiences a nightmare beyond nightmares and falls over, clearly dead dead.

It was a very honorable battle. Also, hey, arrest of your ninjas. We killed two of your buddies. What are you gonna do? Stapless with your ninja weapons, you kill us? Andy, you can feel the warmth of your own blood going down the side of your shirt and starting to get into your jeans. I weirdly, I am hearing what is happening around me

and I noticed that Galileo had the exact same idea that I had. My goal was to try to incapacitate my attacker, especially given that I'm backed into a corner. I attempt to do the best that I can to wipe up the blood with my hand and spritz it in his face. just to try to get some sort of upper hand as I am backed into a corner and losing a katana battle very badly.

Okay. I say that would look like an agility test. Okay, not bad. 13. That's enough. If he appears to be blinded, I'm able to redouble, even with just my katana in only one hand, I attempt to make a one-handed slash and a desperate move.

You hit him and he's briefly, temporarily, not permanently nightmare blinded, and but you are able to get the attack in. That's gonna be a 10 to hit. And I would have reduced it to an eight, like I said earlier, so it's just enough roll for damage. Oh, lamb chop. Are you this one? Yes. Yeah, yeah, I'm the red. That is gonna be nine, 10, 11, 12, 13 points of damage. I roll almost max damage with my macotan. With three quick swipes, he separates at the knees, at the torso, and at the chest, and he falls into four different distinct sandwich pieces. And as he falls to the ground with a loud thud that my friends can hear, I

Fall into the archaicabin next to me. Ah! Andy, no! Keep going! Keep going! That was so cool what you did, though. That's uh, knuckles' turn. I look over and I see Galileo with the axe spray,

and then I see Andy with the bloodspar. I'm like, oh, we're winning, we're winning! Pocket gravy! And I reached it in my pocket and pull out a Tupperware. Oh, yeah! Oh, yes! Nona's gravy. With the meat chunks in it, and I rip it off and I throw it in this guy's face as I try to follow up with a punch of the face.

And I'm probably going to fail miserably. Knuckles at the entrance of 13 beers is left the little. What's your spaghetti, Paul? All right. How old is the gravy? Oh. I would say it was made on Sunday. No, no, we never.

So it's less than a week old. No, then it's six days old. What's that? It's Saturday today. Sunday, it's a six day old gravy. Okay, less than a week. Okay. Noona's got some old gravy.

Noon's gonna make more tomorrow. Why are you saying? I know, not. I just say she's got some dusty musty old gravy. I'll see if the D are the same. It's still 12. Make an agility test to see if you can land the gravy. Oh, oh.

Nine. Nine. You push out and try to attack, but you hold on to the container, the Tupperware container, no, no, no, you hold onto the Tupperware container, and instead of spraying out like the blood or the spray, it just falls like a brick right out and flatters against the ground, unable to reach the eyes of your enemy. Well, hoping that, that at least you're looking at the brick of gravy.

I'm going to try to hit him. Oh, wow. Big money. There we go. That's a 17 to hit. That's enough. Remember that your damage dice explode on one more range, too. Uh, two, three, four, five, six points of damage. Still pretty good. I've only split it once. Just enough. The ultimate must be very You're able to end this particular foe. Again, you smack him and he falls down, a floating star, and he is out for the count. That leads to their turn. With one ninja remaining, he looks at his brothers

and he looks at you, you have bested us, until next time. It is dishonorable to quit. Retreating shall bring dishonor to you and your claim. Yeah, he's right. Popper didn't raise no quitter. He's right. If you don't finish this up, it's dishonor all around.

You can go ahead and be defeated, run away. I mean, if you're a bitch. You're more than you're welcome to if you're a bitch. I will be back when I can redeem my friends for vengeance. And he puts his hands against his forehead like this and... What? That's cheating. Evaporates out of nowhere. Oh, shit.

Mainsonon instant transmission. The remaining four bodies that are on the ground flash and blink, and all of a sudden, out tokens and tickets. I need everyone to roll a D10 and take that many tokens and I need everyone to roll in D8 and take that many tickets. Ooh, we got a chance to get lots of tickets here. Tokens here. Eight tokens from me. No, I got one. I suck. And then for tickets, you said it's a D6?

Or D8 tickets? D8 tickets. D8 tickets. D8 tokens. Oh, I got max tickets. D8 tickets. D8 tickets. 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 6, 7, 8. I've got 14 tickets now. I have 10 tickets. I slump against the machine. I'm bleeding against the cabinet.

Andy! My V-neck is ruined. Andy! Your V-neck! Well, I know, I know, Gary. It's your favorite one! I have 30 more of them. In the exact same color and style.

It's your most favorite as V-neck! It could be. It's hard to tell. They're all the same. Listen, Gary. Yeah. I don't know if I'm gonna make it, man. I think you will. I need a beer. I think I need a beer.

Yeah. Me too. Me too, man. Oh, is anybody, is there like a waitress around or something? What a tough fuck? Oh, cocktail waitress. Uh. Cocktail waitress. Oh.

Dear girl. Tx, cocktail waitress. This isn't Las Vegas. You know that there are beer kiosks that you can go to where you can order drinks. All right, help me up. Help me up. Okay. I can't believe you go.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let me just. This fucked up. Here, I'm going to stick my head into your wound. Dude, ah, oh, no. Take it up, take it up.

I'm gonna pass, ya. There we go. I'm gonna throw off. Gosh, Andy, how can you get yourself into such a prediction? I'm gonna throw up. Who has the roll with 500 tickets? Why would you attack those, those ninjas unprovoked? It's on the ground right next to Gary where he dropped it

in order to engage in. I do not have, I don't have the 500 roll. I don't have the roll 500 tickets. And I'm just trying to get up and get. Who has them? Derek said they're on the ground. It's Gary dropped. But you guys are still mostly,

I'm in his relatively shadow. Well, then you got him. No, I was in there. I haven't. Oh, okay. Gary thinks he's got him. Five hundred roll. Okay.

All right. Oh, God. So many scented. Look, I only got three tokens. They're burning a hole in my pocket. I need a beer. Yeah. I think I can drink this off.

Getting stabbed with a ninja sword fucking sucks. And we, I sliced up three of those guys. Oh, hold on. They leave their cool ninja weapons behind. We take a look around. Say again. They leave their cool ninja swords behind. No, just like in a side scroller.

When they fall, their item flashes and disappears with them. It's just the tokens and the tickets that still out. Sonic style. Okay. Well, let's go to kiosk. As we begin to Gary helping me sticking his hands in my wounds and me hobbling along, I hear the Tamagachi in my pocket go off again. And absent mind, I think, oh, I should probably check on that.

And I press a couple of buttons to see if I can take it. a look at my tomagchi. Go ahead and make a presence test. I look for street fighter, too, and see if there's any honey's plan. My presence is exactly a 10. Exactly a 10. I think I rolled that exactly last time. Exactly a 10.

You briefly think of the woman stuck in the clock as you look down at your tomogachi. I think that's dark. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't seem to be doing too well. The tomogachi?

And I stick it back in my pocket. My only goal is to get a beer from the vending machine. That little digital critter really is discovering shit. Is that what that is? Yeah, that's what's to be all ducy. Who would make this? And I stick it back in my pocket as we continue to go to the beer vending machine. You find your way to the beer bending machine and is it not a machine so much as it is a kiosk

where they will serve any of a limited range of beers and alcoholic cocktails. Oh, they got to do ad for the Disney cruise line. Hold, let's watch. Oh, oh, yeah, I would see it's Oh, yeah. Oh, pretty cool. Wow. They have this on carnival. No, I mean, that looks nice. That looks real nice. Yeah, that's, I think it's a lot probably here. Okay. This is gonna stop bleeding soon. Are those stitch costumes now? Uh, it doesn't look good. Doesn't feel good. Yeah, no, I think it's infected. I look at my tokens. I look at this kiosk, and I think to myself, beer, and I put in two tickets. I Can I get a beer? There's a server there ready to pour your... I just put two tokens on the table and I say...

Beer, please. A hard night at the local cheese. I'm covered in blood. Yeah, a lot of gang violence. It's just really... It's tough. Night's going to be hard sometimes. Thank you.

I'll have all three beers up to my limit. All three beers up to your limit? All three beers up to my limit, yep. You, you haven't had any. Any other beers? No, not at all. Can I see your hands? Can you see?

Oh, the back of the got cut off in a ninja attack. Ain't caught's attack. Then I will surely be able to see the wounds, sir. Oh, yeah. Let's see the wounds here. Hold on. Just, oh.

Hold on. Can you give you a moment? Sure. And you have cut off the back of my hands. What? What? Cut off the back of my hand there. No, I'm not going to do that.

They're going to be able to see bleeding. You have a sword, Andy. Even though it may be a ball sword. I do have a sword. I mean, it's not really sharp. though like I'm gonna be honest I don't need to use me to metal oh yeah the back of my hands got cut off too and I'm gonna in my pocket the leftover known as regular get them covered oh look oh dude making a presence test oh Andy come here bro I don't have any hand I like just let me in your blood I oh yeah oh duh I let everybody who wants to love their hands all over my bloody shirt

what's skin there bro I watch my hands in the bathroom 10 it's gonna be infected 10 10 Make a presence test. Oh, look at my bloody hands. Oh, yeah. We lost our handbacks. Galileo and Gary make presents test. It was crazy. 14th.

14th. Uh-oh. Six. She's already handing a beer to Gary. The first beer. As you put your hands out before, and the ragu immediately slides off, and you can very clearly see the stines

on the back of each of your hands. or blood from Andy's shirt. And she looks offended. You clearly have already hit your maximum. What? No. Why would you come into an arcade and tell lies? Galway, who would do that? No, I think the blood just settled like this.

Who would do that? I'm so sorry. How could you? I didn't know. No. No. I'm sorry. How could you?

I'm sorry. His mothers are very bad. Some of us are bleeding out here, Jallel. You shut the mouth about my mother. Gary, a guy? She's a big, she's a bad. You both keep your beers, but she looks at the four of you. I'm sorry, you're just at the limit.

There's nothing I can do. Yeah, see, my hands, see, I'm good, because I roll 14. No, but, but my boy here's good. He's good. Check his hands. I mean, that's pretty good. I mean, that's pretty good.

The DR was 12, says this tradition. Shit, I tried. Well, fuck. Oh, yeah, sorry. These kids and their tricks these days. Look, lady, I've had a tough day. Backs of my hands got cut off by ninjas. That's not true.

I got stabbed by a ninja sword, lady. Look, this is real. I hear I got stabbed by a ninja sword in the local cheese every day. Look, and I like, they're governed a line. This is a wound. And I'll lift up my shirt and I'll show my flesh.

Yeah, yeah, it's a classic cap. So do I get my three beers or no? I gave you the one beer, but I'm not confident in any of you. I have to stop serving. Look at my hands, if you've suffered injuries, go upstairs to the food area and enjoy some some pizza. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Let's just get out of here.

Let's go upstairs. Let's go back to where the food is. We can swipe some beer. It looks so cold and delicious. We can steal some beers. We'll swipe them right off the ball. Okay, no, we gotta stop by that one game. I can hear you.

Okay, we're not talking to you. Shh. You're already. Buzz killed. A and B conversation, see your way out. Yeah. Yeah. No one asks you your opinion.

What's your name? Monica. Monica, that's a beautiful name. It was my mother's name. What's your favorite dinosaur, Monica? My favorite dinosaur? What's your favorite dinosaur? I never know.

The Broks, Komsaknakhanathis? Oh, you're in love. Did he just say Komsokov? You're in Lutz. Yeah, what? The prokomsignathis. Oh. Sir.

What? You've never seen a pro-comsaw-n-maidstaffed-maid? I think-I- think it's a... Look at this handsome... I'm not here, whatever you're saying. It has a detachable chunk. I heard it too. Pro-cumsock Nathan...

No, pro-compsog-n-Methe's got an accent. He's from North Jersey. It's just speaking... He has my favorite dinosaur. Why? Oh my God. He's speaking-Blet English. Look at this handsome plastic figurine of a pro-comsog-Nathus.

It's got a detachable chunk and I would gladly trade this. for one beer that's all I ask it's just been a hard day and I find it in your heart to have pity on a poor rhinoceros man who was stabbed by a ninja sword please presence test I think it's gonna work do make me beg thank fucking God 15 15 what's all we say about that let me let me have the ben and I'll take the beer for you and And the rest of us. Oh,

oh, thank you, thank you. So I need the tokens. I can't just give you free beer. Oh, I only have one token left. I gave you the two. Can I get one more? Yeah, why do you give us all just free beer? I'm not here to give away free beers.

I'm just going to pretend that I didn't see that you had the match. Fine, fine, fine. Can you even spot me a token? Spot me a token. I'll spot them let's up. Didn't you already have a beer? Yeah, I don't want a second.

No, don't push your fucking luck. No, you don't get a minute to it, I'll spot you a token. Yeah, he owes me a token. Are you gonna serve us two beers each? I'm giving you each one more beer for two tokens of beer. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, here you go. Guys, that's my sixth beer. I'm up to six years. I'm double-ish-thexed. I finish the whole six-pack. Yeah, I gotta be honest, guys, I'm feeling pretty good. I feel the whole six-pack. And to be clear, you had one beer, you had one beer,

she served you one beer, and she served you one beer, each for two tokens apiece. Yes. Him two. Wait, you two? He pushed for two. You didn't get two beers. Okay, then you still keep your token.

So you all have one beer. And I'm at five. She knows that she thinks that she just gave each of you the fourth beer. But she accepted the dinosaur in return. And she accepted the only one beer. Because you were nice. So I'm at five. I still have to roll.

I got to roll a D20 because it's my fifth beer. But I, we still have to pay for all of them. Including me, you know, I gave her the dinosaur. I paid for mine. I paid for mine. The dinosaur was to ignore the maximum, not to give you free beer. Right. Shucks.

You have had six beers. I'm at six now. And everyone else is at five now? Five. At five, we roll for curses, and I turn the music back on. Ooh, I got a 13. Weirdly enough. I missed that pro-comp song, made this?

Oh, let's fucking go. Oh, no, it's not. Try to be high for once. Where is my tabla? Hmm, welcome to Sir La Tabla. Okay. Andy 13 13 great choice you gain plus two strength and agility for one hour ha ha blood is scorning out of my shoulder and he's roiding how does that affect

our model or your modifier so I go up to 13 which I think is a breakpoint which gives me yeah I have 13 presence which is plus one yeah so I get plus one training you said agility that bumps me up to 16 which that's a break point plus two is it plus it plus So then I'm plus one strength plus two agility. Wow, that's the best possible thing you could have gotten with what you roll. Holy shit. Okay, so I'm plus, yeah, for at least an hour, whatever that means in game, right? So I'm plus one strength, now plus two agility.

Gary, what did you roll? I got a 10. You got a 10. One of your limbs is replaced by a robot limb. There's only one correct limb. There's only one correct limb. It's only one correct. If you want to get to the Street Fighter 2 machine, there's only one correct.

Wait, Gary. Gary. Gary, why is your penis a segue? Whoa. I'm like an inch word. This is so funny. This is so fucked up. I got 17.

17. You permanently gain plus one toughness. Oh, let's fucking go. Does he do breakpoint? Nice. It does. Oh, let's go. And...

Did you want me to roll? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm sorry. You were at the sixth level, right? I rolled at five and just got the big head again. You're good. If you want to roll, I'll give it to you. Can I stop having a big head?

Oh yeah. You had a big head again? I'm sorry. He did twice. That was ages ago. Yeah, it was ages ago. That would have faded. 18?

We already gotten 18? I don't know. I don't think we had. We have not gotten an 18. I'm bolding them as I go along. And you may choose because you're at a break point. and I asked if you wanted to, you can only speak in catchphrases

would be your prompt. That's hard. It's a tough. That's tough. You don't have to take it. You don't have to take it. I'll swap here. Robotic limb for talking.

I will allow it. If you want robotic limbs. I'll swap for robotic limbs. But you heard me said you've got to grab the little robotic limb off of them. Yeah, you have to take it. Are we really doing this? Put it in my hand, Gary. I love that it's on the battle camp.

Gary, please put it in my hand. Get over it. Give me a robotic land. Come on, don't be shot. Now I'm to the shot. Come on. For some reason you think of your experience in the restroom as you transfer these,

this, the beer feeling. Are you sure you guys only had four beers? No, no, we had way less than that. We're going to go eat. Thank you. Goodbye. Do the limit. Do the limit. See it out of here. If you have to do it. Just do it. It actually attaches and then skitters off like any land.

towards you. Oh, no! I hate everything about this. Yep. I'm so glad you guys can't see below the table. So now you can only talk in batch races. Oh, wow! Whoa!

You all right, wow. You're all right, wow. I gotta be honest, that looks like it hurts, man. Oh, I think he said it to maximum vibrate before he passed it over, dude. You guys talk amongst yourselves for a few minutes while you make your way up to the Deeregris. Better ingredients. And I use the rest of them.

Papa jobs. Guys, I gotta be honest with you. I, you know, I'm prioritizing beer like, you know, a good person should. But I think I need a little bit of rejuvenation here. My shoulders really hurting. Like a good neighbor, stay farm. You're there. Thank you, Gary.

That's very kind of, are you stay firm in this, this is? You're not my neighbor, you're my roommate. When you wish your pants go out. Gary, thank you. That means so much. You really just know what to say when I'm down in the dumps. You just have way with words, man. Thank you.

At Eastern Motors, your job's your credit. All I'm gonna say is a little... How many tokens you guys got? I get you to lend me a token, man. For the one I led to you earlier. Bro, I'm happy to lend it to. I don't have one token left. I got one token left, too.

You can add it for food. I've got seven tokens, I mean... Not because you're basically rich, man. I mean, how did that happen? I mean... We'd kill a lot of people. I guess we did kill a lot of people and I rolled pretty well twice.

I mean... I've got a need for greed. I scamper over to that machine. Gary, wait before you go, Honey Togas, you, he's already gone. Ah, okay. Ew, don't show me that. What machine is going to do you?

I'm going to the Bagillion ticket. Oh, you're going to the Tower of Power. Yeah, you see the Tower of Power. Oh, you have five of your tickets. Because of its height across the arcade room and you disappear on your rollerblades to get as close as possible.

Waiting just a few players, you find yourself in front of it. token away from potential glory. Has his robes always been purple? He's he's changing, I don't know, it's weird, I don't understand. Something weird is going on. I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Uski-I'm two tokens. One token. It's only one. It's only one token to play the tower tower. I like to consult himself about what he's gonna say. Mikey what should I say? Oh I can't really fuck this up. I guess I'm gonna have to just You put a token in and you see the lights going up and down.

What in the hell? And you get a natural 20? The second power-tower roll. The first role is a natural 20. Unbelievable. The odds of this would be absurd. You nail the median. It's the exact series of lights and LEDs.

You'd have no way of knowing this, but it is the exact level as not. Did that exactly. And it's not that cool. Oh, man, that was pretty cool. But you aren't lucky. In this moment, it's going, and you're watching as closely as you can. See how you want.

Greed is good. God, I thought that was a 20 for a second. Take a buy out of crime. Scruff McGruff, Chicago, a little noise 60652. All right, get out of the way. I'm way better at this machine than you are. My shirt is slowly turning more dark red. Guys, are we, are we just going to stay here to do this?

He's looking very pale. Almost as pale. Almost as pale. Not quite middle, somewhere above. Knuckles, I'm worried, man. I got to eat something. No, it's going to be fine. My blood shirt is low.

I need these tickets. What is that? I can't even believe it. Nal-l-l-l-l-l-n-a-l-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-you. It's right here. We wait with bated breath to see what happens. And it goes, blink, blink, link, link. And all of a sudden, the machine goes,

B-de-da-d-be-be-be-be-be-be. And Elaine of tickets comes out. It hits the patterned carpet, and it starts to fold. It starts to do the fold. Oh, if I just let it go, it just does its thing. Oh, there's the beef. Knuckles, you did it. I did it.

You did it. I did it. Oh, it was awesome, man. Gnarly, gnarly, gnarly, gnarly, gnarly. And you look over, and you realize that all the hot goth chicks are watching, and they're like, wow. That guy got it. Hey.

Hey. Hey. You want my... Oh, is that like... Is that you... Is that you... Is that 1,500 tickets? We got like 1500 tickets.

That's a lot of tickets. Well, I have a thousand tickets and you guys have 500. Well, no, I guess I get my share of that 500. So I have a thousand tickets and... I have... What's one fifth... Or one... What?

It's not a five of us. It's a hundred twenty-five. Wow, that's quick math, man. Yeah, I'm bleeding out. So I have 1125 tickets. And you guys are... each have a hundred twenty five tickets I have 125 plus however many this is okay what are you gonna get with your I don't even know how much was that big ass

fucking sword I was gonna say man oh the the big sword was I think it was like 50 you could get you could get 20 buster swords you mean the wide sword with the with the with the gems there's no way get can you let me to the ticket counter I'll go well hold on that they're still coming we're still what is you hear the sound of clapping behind you and you turn and you see the large eyes of the manager standing there. Looks like you guys managed to get the Tower of Power. The moment...

I'm all buzzed every time someone hits it so that I can make sure it's for real. The moment that he stops talking, I'm holding my shoulder. I walk up to him and I go... I step back. Hey! Hey, what? We got you guys on camera. with one of the machines.

No, you don't. You don't have us. You don't have us on anything. Well, can you just, can you hold off? It's still going. I mean, the tickets are still coming out. I gotta, I gotta let them, you know, fish. So I'm just gonna ignore you while this happens.

I mean, you can talk to them, but I'm gonna make sure I get my tickets. You're all culpable. We had to, we had to repair that machine. That costs man hours. He even fell culpable. Got a C, UL, P, I don't have to inflate my son to you. He can't do it. Sizzler is the one that brings his choices.

Reach it out across the USA. I'm sorry, my roommate's having a stroke. Each and every day. Get a little freedom in your life. All over America. A quiet revolution has been taking place. More and more, both parents are working and raising families. Life seems to be moving faster than ever.

I love Fleetflow. And Americans have rediscovered and are redefining what's really important in their lives. They want quality in their personal life, in their business life, in the goods they purchase, and in the food they eat. Okay. There it is. They want good basic home cooking, quality food, and they want choices, variety, all at a reasonable price. Americans want value.

Is that one catchphrase or how's that work? I mean, I guess from a certain point of view. Dutical. Oh, you're putting another coin in the tower coin. It, uh... Is it like locked up? It's, it's, it's, uh, the actual, like, insert has shifted in such a way that you cannot insert a coin while it is dispensing tickets. And, uh, this...

I don't know what your friend is on. How much of you guys had to drink? Look at you. I don't think we've had anything. We only had, like, one beer, maybe. Maybe one beer. Yeah, it was two. Maybe one beer.

If you like Pete, you, Camados. Why don't you guys have one beer? Exactly. That was the beer. That was it. That was it. What are you gonna say? What are you gonna do, NARC?

No, I had two. I mean, you could see. I only had two, though. I need everyone to make a presence test. Oh shit. Hey, Reggie. Did you ever find that pervert? Oh, no, I failed.

There wasn't anyone based on your distribution. Oh, man, you're not good at safeguard in this place from Berber. 12? Seven. Oh boy. Thirds? Uh, 13. Oh.

I have one question for you. I don't care about the machine. Have you all been having fun? I mean, we come every week. Of course, we have it. I gotta be honest, this has been a pretty notable week, actually. I'm having a really good time. Yeah, this is a lot going on.

One more fuck up, lads. And I'll ban you from this store forever. I don't think he's ever said the F word before. Gagby with a spoon. be serious. One more? I'll call security and we'll throw you out onto the street. Oh, Roger, dude. Chill out. This is like the last place in this town that we can drink at.

We don't want to lose this. That doesn't surprise me. Okay, hurtful. Hurtful. I need you to take a step back, okay? Yeah. Yeah, you fix those pants. What are we going to do, guys? Americans want a choice. Enjoy your tickets.

Sizzler's the ones who brings you. We consider this your final warning, okay? Done, understood, understood. All right. He hitches his pants up one more time, and he looks over and sees whatever minor fence or disturbance that needs his next attention, and he makes his way down and through the arcade floor, leaving the floor of you alone, and it's right at that moment, B-D- It stops.

The last ticket still hanging out of the dispensary slot. There already is a thousand thickets. And it's... I mean, you have... somehow hidden from the manager a reel of 500 tickets. And it's the size of like a film reel. This is a thousand, but stacked, and it's a tall, huge bundle, like one long spaghetti worth of tickets all nested at the floor.

Okay. Hey, no, nox, I'm proud of you, man. You're frustrated because you do rip the thousandth ticket. It stays in the... We didn't quite put Rossellin. He didn't quite polite. No, that's really getting, man. I could tape it, hold on.

Noggles, man. Look, it doesn't matter. Look, you have 1100 tickets. Well, I, well, I guess I have 1100 plus 10. You got a bunch, man. My point is, let's go see what you can get, but do me a favor. I gotta get a bite to eat after this. We gotta go back up.

No, me too. Carpe die. And look, I got a plan. I got a plan, okay? Let's go check out the... Three. Three. The TRIG Tower of Power.

Yeah? Oh! Oh! Wow! Gary, I don't think you should both roll those tokens, man. We won the prize. You know how Rigna's is? Like, it's a miracle that Nuckles even did it.

We need those tokens, dude. I only have one. Dude, you have like a 1 in 400 chance. I know, I mean, Knuckles explained it. No, it's like 1 in 10. It's only a 1 in 20. Oh, wait. Who the hell are you?

Gary, why? Oh, yeah. I'm the big titty goth girl. I should have known. Oh, oh, well. Big titty golf. Immediately, I stopped touching my shoulder. I straighten up and I pretend like it.

I try to wince. Nobody puts baby at a quarter. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. What's, uh, he got another 20 of the tower of power. She turns around. Wait, wait, wait, hold, oh, go, go, whoa, whoa. She's gone. She's, oh, shit.

Asinda, I'm trying to be cool, but I'm trying to watch my buddy play the game. Ah, ah, ah, okay. Gary, come on, man. You're wasting your tokens, bro. It's not gonna happen. I'll be back. I thought people were clapping for you,

but it was just that girl walking away. Oh man, I should have gone for it. Bravo! Guys, come on, I'm telling you, please. Ticket counter, ticket counter. Let's go, let's go, come on. Please, Karen, I'm begging you, man. As your roommate, I'm asking you, please,

please, when you're here, your family. Then be my family and help me get to the digging counter. Fosters. It's Australian for beer. Oh, speaking of, I can use another beer. We go to the ticket counter. You make your way to the ticket counter and on route you feel any curses that aren't permanent fade from you or that didn't last a certain amount of time. Specifically, I'm targeting Gary's sketch frame.

And your robot cock disappeared. Oh, man. Unfortunately. You hear a clang and it shuffles down to one. of your pan- legs. Oh, my life! Oh, it skimed into a hole in the wall! Back to the ticket counter.

All right, come on, man. This is your chance. I've never seen anybody win the Tower Power before. This is you. This is all you. That was the first time, man. That was awesome. No, I mean, it's...

That was unbelievable. That it's just a one in 20 chance. And on average, you're hitting it with 20 tokens, but it's a miracle, how rad this thing is... Well, yeah. The cashier is dealing with another customer. You hear them say a wine, choice you will be happy with your determination oh you are back oh hey Lenny how's

Billy doing I told you earlier how Billy is doing I just maybe you called them on your lunch break I don't know it is all in p.m. Oh maybe on your dinner break man don't be such a drag a bit early I mean I don't know when I know him he was well you know ever since the you don't have to get in all that what can I get for this It's a thousand and change tickets. Oh, well done. I see that you have 999 tickets there. Well, no, but I have it.

One of them is taped together, but we don't accept those. Oh, fuck. Well, fine. I have 1,0009 tickets. With 1,0009 tickets, you could purchase. Perhaps I could interest you in the local cheese mystery beer box six-pack. How many tickets is that? It's 99 tickets.

So many tickets for beers. We can just get beers here. These are very alcoholic to beers. Well, we should maybe year. How do they count for? Well, each beer counts as two, but they also deliver three curses. Well, hold on. I mean, look.

What else do you got? That sounds amazing. I'm a big fan of beer, but like, what about it? We need some gear, man. What can I give you for 500? You could also purchase two, for 500, you could purchase two cheap plastic virtual ping pong games. Two of them? We could each have one.

Two? For the apartment. Oh. Two? Yeah, we could each have one. I just get warm. It comes with two, like, paddles, right? Well, because you usually hog step that we buy for the apartment together, man.

I get the else I can get between 500 and the thousand. And then when we come over, man, we can all play together. Oh. You got two. What's that giant fucking sword? What's that what does that call? I mean, that thing is pretty bad. The buster sword only costs 50 tickets.

Are you fucking serious? I don't know how that's possible. What are the melee weapons that might use strength? Every melee weapon uses strength. What kind of? weapons you got other than the Buster Sword. We also have an aluminum bat for 30, and

that's all the items that you would have to without us going back and forth negotiating creatively, because we didn't think that you'd be able to get this number of tickets. What kind of armor items we got? Whatever you can imagine. Whatever you can imagine. Don't you have maximum

armor already? Yeah, but I want some cool. I guess I'll take the master sword. Is that what you called it? The buster sword. The buster sword, yeah. Hold on. What kind of materials are those?

Oh, yeah. Well, there's the fire connected to an all material. Wait, what does the all material do again? It makes sure that you hit all enemies at once when you strike it against the ground, something fire. Oh, what? What? What? What are those?

What are those? What rank? Is it fire? It's just regular fire. You'll have to expand on your eye. You're going to have to grind, I'm afraid. Oh, you're just going to have to catch fire. fire 500 times.

Why don't we just get four of those? I mean, like, we could all just have them. I'm gonna have one of those inflatable guitars. One of those inflatable saxophones. Yes. I would like 10 scented erasers. Okay. 10 50 pops.

Three rubber bands. Four finger puppets. Uh-huh. Yep. See, I want that clock. We don't have any gack? Do you have any gack? Yes, of course.

Horse. That's my god, him. Yeah. Oh, he's up for that. She just comes over. Sorry, Lenny, that was easy, man. The gag is only, the gag is only five pictures.

They never see it coming. How many people are you hit with that today? I mean, like, 10 of them. God, my shoulder hurts. Well, I would like those little capsules that you put in water and they turn in dinosaurs. Yes, I have those. I'd like, like, maybe 12 of those.

That will be 12 tickets. Let's see, let's see, let's see I'd like that clock I added the clock already Would you like a second one? No, no, no, no Your total right now is at 477 tickets I'll have, oh we

We forgot us a lot You ordered like everything they got man Let me get Shucks Let me get a couple of those Shark figurines Maybe seven of those So I have one of the shark figurines

One moment I'm going to have to actually pull out a calculator Crimmit crab Habitat collection set No I don't think they have any living animals here We have many living animals here We have anything you could imagine This is the way

You know, I okay I'll make a rules here man We're at 547 tickets How many? 547 is your current Did you have 500? No you split your 500 tickets I thought amongst us You only have like 125 tickets man

I never read to that Oh shit He's holding the reel of tickets under his puppet arms. Shoot. Just because I said... Just because I said, O'Doos... Oh, man. He's Canadian for years.

Everybody can get a little something. We have plenty. We can share a little bit. Look, I've got 14 tickets. I need 16 more for that aluminum. Has he piled up all that stuff like meticulously on the counter? Let me get the aluminum back.

I slap it all back to them. Never mind. It's me. The aluminum's more than the metal of this shitty mall katana. I'm going to have to take 100. of your tickets. You broke one of the clocks and freed the soul within. We'll take a couple of bats. You feel the reel under your arm shrink as a hundred tickets

vanishes magically from your side. We'll take the wrestling bats. Yes, awesome. Awesome. This is so much better than this blunt mall katana. Could I? I would like to purchase an inflatable saxophone. You're taking four bats, all told? Well, no, I want to know. Three. I have this, you said three. Three. Okay. Yeah, he wants the buss to sword. So it's, it's, it's, and we won't do it, our piece. What is the Buster Sword? It's 50, uh, so you're at, you're at, I'm at

959. Yeah, exactly, 949. Because 50, 99. You had like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. How much damage is we want a bat do? 2d8. 2d8. I'll have, what he's had. How much Jim is the Buster sword now? 66. How's the Buster Sword? 50.

I'll have one of those. When you grab it, you go, this is actually a metal sword the size of what cloud. Oh, there more than one? Sword would have been. What is your strength sword? It's 16. 16.

It's not enough. The strength requirement is 18. Oh, never mind. Oh, because it spells a lot. It's really heavy. It's okay, man. Knuckles, what's the matter, man? You can't pick it up?

You just cast fire nonstop. I guess I could drag it around and cast fire nonstop. I think that's really good idea. You need to be able to slam it down in an attacking motion. Well, what if I like lift the whole thing I'm like this?

And just throw the whole thing on the ground. That's very charming, but I don't even, I don't need to have played World of Warcraft to know that you wouldn't be able to enjoy some of the magical benefits of something if you didn't meet the strength requirement. Oh, I guess that's a good point. I mean, do you have any

that increases your strength by two? How many tickets you got? 959. But I want to buy my friend Galileo with something nice. You look up the mountain. I'll take the buster sword, man. Do you have anything that increases your strength by nine? You look up, and for 500 tickets, there's one of those stretchy things

that like you can exercise with, with two handles on either side and the like four band springs in between. Yes, if you use that for a week, you will increase your strength. A week! How much? How much does increase your strength? A whole week, I mean. For a week? Yes. We don't have a week, man.

How is it for that jar of sea monkey? You're here every, for sea monkeys? Yeah. And it says that, that is actually going to be... That's actually my sea monkeys. Those are my pets. Why aren't you enunciating that? Yeah, what's going on, Gary?

What's your goal? Can you say it again? What? Do you can you consider that again? The sea monkeys are not for sale. They're mine. Guys, I'm getting lightheaded. Alright. Your friend looks close to passing out.

I appreciate the bat. I think it'll be good. You all got a bat. I need a bite to eat, man. Well, hang on. Do you have any guns? We don't have any actual firearms, if that is what you are asking. But we do have one of these large Nerf bazookas. They're really quite fun.

How much? I'm going to say that they are... 40. We'll have four. I don't want the bazooka, man. I'm not a good shot. My arms busted. You got a bazook. Okay, I've got an urt bazook. You got a bazook. Well, I guess if I can't wield this thing,

I'll still keep it, but... Oh, I will take the inflatable sacrop. Yes, that was already included. You knocked it on the ground when you destroyed the clock freeing her forever. It's all folded up and not inflated, so it's very pristine. Yes, no, the saxophone was only 10 tickets. That's fine.

Oh, goodness. Oh, uh, Oh, I don't know what else is. Any payee banks? Of course. 50 tickets. Is that come with any tokens on it? Why would it? That doesn't make any sense.

I think we were done here. Yeah, please, hurry up. I'm hurting here, guys. Do you have any kind of like, maybe like a put-putt-golf club? Absolutely. I would say that that's 60 tickets. Oh would that be like mechanically more powerful than the aluminum bat?

I was going to give it to you for the exact mechanical rules as the aluminum. Oh, done, I'll take the call. Is my saxophone also the aluminum bat rules? No. No, it's like air and plastic, man. Dang it. What it? You can hit somebody with a jazz.

Do you have any of the upgrades an inflatable saxophone to be like a bat? I will say that the inflatable saxophone is a one per use, uh, uh, uh, you can't. plus five to any presents test. Oh, okay. It makes you more charming. Okay. Do you have any gloves? We have many gloves.

Some are fingerless. That's fine. Just one of your cheapest gloves. Yeah. We have these for four tickets, and they're little like, hello kitty gloves. I'll take them.

There you are. Well, I immediately put them on to cover my stamps. As soon as you put one on, You can feel this little tear. They're so cheaply made. Lennard, it has not been a pleasure. Thank you for all of your sheep junk. I prefer Lenny.

Wait, bye. Should we get that pack of beer with six-pack? No. I don't want to have to juggle all those curses. Oh, and what if the permanent? Yeah, they probably are, frankly. Yeah, look, drinking comes with a cost, man. I mean, like, we've learned this over the course of our adventure.

Yeah, right. How much for the six-pack? You feel a tremendous amount of fear for Andy as he's warning you against working in this moment. I'll give you the rest of my tickets for the six-pack. How many tickets do you all have shared together? I mean, we got like a lot. Well, how much is it? It's 999 tickets, as I said before.

Oh, well, I mean, I have 894 left. I got like 200 or something. I mean, we could get there. Let's do it. Well, I have six tickets. I got about 14. I think we pull our tickets together. and drink some crazy ass beer.

All of the beers are mystery flavored. That's why they call it the mystery pack. Oh, I'm going to end up with something awful. Well, look, we have the tickets. We could always come back for it if we need it. I don't know if I want to spend all of our tickets on weird flavored beer. If it tastes bad, it's like what's the point? I bet it's blue flavor.

I understand it's kind of like those jelly beans where sometimes it's absolutely delicious in other times it's the least favorite thing that. No, I don't get fucking earwax. I don't want to do that. No. You're gonna give me some gross shit, you fucking freak. You're gonna give this like shit-flavored, piss-flavored soda? I don't control the inventory.

I got a plan. All right, let's go. Let's go. But I just need to get a bite. I need some of lens. Okay, okay. We're skating out over. So I would like to attempt to corral my friends who are like cats in this instance.

Take a token, bro. Thank you. And go to find a table near the food vendor so I can at least buy some food to heal up a little bit. That's my goal. You know that there are... I got some. I see, like maybe one or two more. I'll have a drink. Just one more. That's good. That's good.

There's the... I've three tokens. You saw one? Three tokens, I'm good. There's the barcade area that you ate at initially. But you know that the closest restaurant is actually here, through an elevator or up the stairs from this arcade floor, all the way to the top where on the second floor there is a show, an entertainment show. That's where the animatronic band that they feature in all of their local cheese commercials,

play and even though the stage is shallow and their singing is strange and their movements are awkward That is the closest place where you'd be able to enjoy a hot dog or a beer or a pizza Which is perfect because it absolutely falls in line with my plan. Okay, I just need a bite to eat and All right once I get that I'll be good to go but look those assholes that are watching that show they're not paying attention They're they're engrossed by that stupid animatronic band. We can easily easily swipe A dozen beers a piece. Oh, what you're saying?

But I just, I gotta get a bite first. Yeah. Let's go. What do you think? Well, yeah, let's get some food and then we'll steal some. Look, it's dark. Everybody's paying attention

to the animatronics. They're having a jabbery. Kind of, yeah. Have you seen it? I mean, you're like spot on. Yeah, it's probably a jamboree. I mean, we literally come here every week. You walk up and there's a big arch.

You walk up, there's a big arch. You walk up, there's a big arch, it says the jamboree at the top, and you make your way in, and you see a sign above this, not a sign above this stage, but one of those tent signs next to the extremely ancient, almost rotting, animatronic mechanical bodies of the various animals that are on stage. How are they moving? I will show you. What do you mean?

Show us. Oh. I hate these things. It's really uncanny. Oh, it never gets any easy. It doesn't. Sometimes they skip some movements and they, like, have to catch up, and it's jerky and awful. You know, my little brother's obsessed with some of these fuckos on the internet.

I know. You've been on the internet? I don't know. They think it's scary or something. Oh, that makes them obsess with it. Yeah. Oh, the worldwide win. Yeah, the worldwide web.

You hear a voice as you walk in. And that was us pretending to ring in the New Year's. Wasn't that so? exciting. You hear from the voice of this disturbing, almost a possum looking like raccoon who's at the center of the band. His teeth are all jambled together. It looks like a lumber pile more than it is teeth. Now let's get back to a regular scheduled program. Let's listen to some honky talk and all of the other creatures at his side start to immediately play. And you walk into the food area. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh.

You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies, like dice, miniatures, plush, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. I look at the four tokens in my hand,

three of which were given to me from my friends. And I look at the tokens as I hold my bloody shoulder, and I say, I can't believe I'm going to do this. And I go over to the token, the food vendor. I place all four tokens down and I say, can I have a hamburger? You bet. They take your tokens and they go back.

They grab one of the wrapped under the heating lamp burgers and they slap it down. They're shame in my eyes. They're shame in my eyes that I could have ordered two beers and I didn't. They slide a familiar tray across the desk, the counter. I unwrapped the burger and I eat it. You may heal a D8. Three. Not bad.

Not bad. I'm over half. What's bacon jam? Bacon jam? Yeah. I don't know, Gary. I've never heard that. I'm asking the waiter. Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about. The guy at the counter. You never not talking to me. I don't know. You know, what do you want from you, man?

Oh, hold them further back to you. He's really washed out if he's... Oh, sure. Oh, sure. I must have to be out of any shot. Yeah, you can just rest on me. Lean on me when you're not strong. He's like a white and girl.

That's fine. Oh, sure, show, show, show, show, show, show, oh, oh, oh, oh, show, oh. Hey, show, my friend asked what I don't know. I'm just here to serve. I don't know. Uh, what kind of, stop, what kind of fries you got? Like, crinkly? No shoes, sir?

No. Oh, do you have waffle? No. I'll, I guess, some nachos and a ginger ale, please. All right, that'll be, uh, three tokens. And what, uh, healing-wise, what does that get me? That would the equivalent of a D4 and a D-2. I don't know if that's, you know what?

I'll get a fucking cheese burger and a fucking ginger ale. Fuck it. That'll be a D8 and a D2. That'll be five tokens. That's all I have. What ice cream flavors do you have? I'll push all of my tokens across the counter. You can see the menu.

We've got like, I don't know, like rum raisin. You know, Andy, cheese is free. You could have gotten some American cheese on it. Look, I'm not thinking right, okay? It's the blood loss, but the burgers make me feel better. Cheers. Cheers. We choose burgers and we eat our disgusting, like, reheated.

Yeah. It's like a goofy movie style. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Uh, how much is an ice water? An ice water's free.

Will that heal me? No. Fuck. How much is a root beer float? D8. It'll be one token. How much does that heal? Fond.

D2. I'll have a root beer float, please. I'll take one token. Okay. Four, five. That's a D2. So, yeah, that's two. Oh, you're good.

Okay, that's not terrible. That's not terrible. Oh, I'm still, that's exactly max out. Beautiful. Where's my D2? I could always just roll a D4 into my two. Oh, fuck. I'm almost maxed out. I try to rework my shoulder, get the stick to the sound. Okay, I'm feeling a little bit better, guys.

Look, here's the goal. As soon as the lights get dim, we fan out, we drink drinks, okay? I need another drink. I'm starting to get a little sober here. I don't like it. No, I know. Sober up. I need another drive.

I need at least two. I mean, I'm like only five in. Not five in two? What time is it? It's like I'll be approaching 10.30. Five years ago. I need at least three or four more. And I think Las Coles at like 11.30.

What kind of place is that? I'll have a beer. Uh, make a presence test to see how soberly you ask this question. Oh, hey, my good math. If the soup of the day is fucking tomato soup of the cap. Oh. I got a chew. Uh, can I see, can I see your hand?

Why he's my hands? Because you're slurring a little bit. Your mom's that I had nice soft hands. My mom died seven years ago. Oh, that's exactly when it happened. Oh, Calaleo, too, man. He got me caught up in it, man. He got me caught up in it.

And also, soup of the day, beer is basically soup in its own liquid bread bowl. Yeah. Except it has alcohol. Tomato soup doesn't have alcohol. It's meat of bread, man. There's a certain food. strict policy I could get fired and this is like my summer drop wait a minute he's stiffs I have an issue with this camera why is there a beer limit you're dripping if it's you're dripping if it's

you're dripping if it's 21 plus because like people get rowdy in here we we want to make sure there's a safe and fun environment I didn't know I was the USSR that's very fitting I don't set the policy, dude. I'm behind the iron curtain. Gary, I mean, look, I'm with you, man. I like to drink as much as the next guy, but I think it's illegal for bars to over serve their patrons. I just feel like I'm off the other side of the Berlin Wall.

Very topical for this time period. I wait to see if there are people who aren't necessarily paying attention to their drinks, and wait to see if the lights are going to start to drop for the next showing. Like, I'm trying to take advantage of. of this situation? There's a show ongoing. You can hear the music. This is one of those situations where, yeah, they do have like spotlights that move around

and there are bits that they do when they maybe darken the lights just a little bit. But when it comes to right now, it seems to be that they're just playing. Damn, that floppy year dog gave the hell of a performance on that jazz organ. To set the tone, there's a giant raccoon in the center, his teeth all askew, as you recall. He's playing a banjo. There's a frog whose eyes are going in different directions playing a jug. There's a monstrous dog, just as you say. Oh, my God.

Almost rabbit playing a watchboard in an insane manner. There's a mouse who has insane eyes that just keep moving back and forth like one of those clocks, playing a wash tub base on one side. And then there's a massive, fat, disgusting chipmunk on another side. Almost like Jabba the HUD-esque. It's like Sadie cheeks which it hybridates. Only her arms move, but it bangs this massive drum to the beat of whatever the music happens to do. That's fucking funny.

That is what you see when you look at the stage, and it's depressing. I mean, some of them clearly should be moving with more motion range than they're being afforded, and it's not even close to in sync with the music. I attempt to move around the spotlights into the darkness to sneak to see if I can swipe some beers off people's tables without them noticing or maybe even a table that's that's currently doesn't have any people at it. Make a I'm going to just say straight a agility test. I would say it's easy enough to spot, but whether or not you're capable, it's going to be hard. It's not going to be. I, with my plus two to agility, if that, if that is still within the hour of my getting that buff, I have a 17. A 17.

Yeah. I'd say that. 15 plus two. I'd say that's enough. You, um, I, I think that you play it cool. It, you, doing what you're doing in a light that you're doing would feel weird. That would be weird. That would be weird.

This is not, this is not like a dark comedy club. You start doing that and you're like, you know what? What if I just walk and as I'm walking let my hand grasp one of the top of these beers and continue? Somebody, somebody's got their, like, like arms back like this on one of the tables, they're beers behind them. If you walk by and you just sort of slip it in your hand, you're right, you're right.

You might be able to pull it off. And so all three of you watch as Andy, not wet with blood, but dried blood on his V-neck. He just sort of walks across the room. And when he's on the other side, he turns, and he's got a beer in his hand. I drank it. That's my sixth beer.

Shucks. Cheers, gentlemen. knuckles. Smooth, man. For me in an Americana drum band, they sure play a mean calypso. Yeah, I mean, who's

playing the steel drums? Oh, is that that big cock, I was saying? Oh, yeah, there he is. How do we miss that guy? Look at that giant cock with the steel drum. That giant cock is slavic with that drum. Whenever the calypso song happens,

the curtain in the back is pulled up by two. Shitty, shitty ropes. And, and, and, And he doesn't even get pushed out, but there's a Calypso rooster. It's very apparent that the rooster was added later to try to increase the appeal of the failing anima. And add a new genre.

Yeah, right, right, right. But even though he's a relatively new addition, his crown is already starting to molt and look terrible. One eye is hanging like this, whatever he moves, if swings disgustingly, before he shrinks back and the curtains are lazily wheeled back down. Andy, that's a genius idea here. How about to give a shot?

I did what I could. I'm gonna look around to see if there's any like, anyone who kind of looks like, you know, a little weak who is like, half as a beer that might not be paying attention. And just to kind of throw it out there, I mean, if the GM was using epidemic sound as a whole playlist, that might be thematic for this moment. Well, we don't need a word.

I made this playlist for this moment. What moment are you talking about? Oh, they're playing slide guitar on an offended shadowcaster. Exactly right. It's fine. You can find it. It's called the Mountain Williams playlist on Epidemic now. The Mountain Williams playlist.

I love the Mountain Williams playlist. I'm gonna see if there's like a couple beers on a table where there's like a guy just chill. Just relax. Make a presence test as you scan the room. Oh, that'll be an 18. 18. With an 18. Yeah.

Damn. You see somebody who is having a heated conversation with a, perhaps a partner, they're engaged in this whole way. And an untouched pitcher of beer sits on to another side. Oh my gosh. Okay, so I'm gonna slowly, just like wheel, like this, on my... Rolls, and I'm gonna just kind of slide past him, the partner, and as they're focused on each other,

I'm gonna whip around and punch with nuts. Okay. No. You- He's distracting him. He doesn't see it coming. Very, very, very. I'm not going to make you roll for it.

He never sees it coming. Roll, it's going to be a very low DR. The DR is going to be six for this random customer. That'll be an 18. Oh, yeah. Okay. You obliterate this guy's nuts.

Explode, explode. Oh, he did. Hold on, hold on, hold on. So that is... Five. That's five. Six. Plus your beers.

Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven points of nut damage. He just died. Gary has the most nut damage done. And then as soon as he dies, I go right to get her, keep to the partner right in the crop. You cast forward, you cast forward,

and as soon as you are in front, you all witness as he turns and just, bam, like that. God is so graceful. Like a cartoon character, this person just shatters into tokens and tickets. Spilling across the restaurant floor. The partner screams and the music stops.

Oh, shit. Hey, what's going on down there? It looks like there are people trying to fight. I just freeze. Beer in hand. I finished the job. I don't know the border to be sad. Who's trying to fight?

We're trying to fight? We're not trying to fight. No, we're just enjoying the show. You're a good 20, 30 feet away from your friend Gary as he's been casting through the room in order to get to this picture of beer. You make your second attack. Yeah, I mean, it will finish the seven.

Here it goes. For this time, though, I swing around and pull it on baseball bat. Baseball bat out of nowhere. You swing down. Oh. That'll be a four. Yeah, we go. Quick.

Yeah. You swing down, but the partner is agile enough and lucid enough to jump out of the way, realizing the threat that you are. immediately the crowd begins to part and race back. Everyone is screaming hysterically when off the stage, the giant raccoon launches himself and slams down next to you. I set my glass, my empty beer glass, like down on the table next to me. I pull out my aluminum bat from basically nowhere.

And like a professional baseball player, I bounce it off the ground into my other hand a couple times. I loosen my shoulders and I go, okay, here we go. And I'm like, Gary, I got your back, buddy. I was going to say you should like hear me so we could create a distraction, but this is pretty fun. People in here are trying to relax.

They're trying to have a good time. This is a local cheese. You can't just be killing people by punching them in the nuts. You wouldn't like it if I did that to you, would you? Knuckles! Hit the jukebox. Don't stop me now. I need everyone to roll for an issue.

Who punched the jukebox? As soon as it starts playing, I look to a numbers, I say, who put this on? It's on random. Oh, D6. Having a good time. Oh, D6, yeah. Thank you for reminding me. Andy, what's your initiative?

Four. Okay. Seven. I did not roll well. Seven. I think mine was a two. Uh-huh. This would say a four, but I think it's the last, so just leave me last, yep.

All right. Oh, we mix it up a little bit. Man, you're fast as hell. Yeah. A bad job. You truly are the adolescent mutant mutant. Ninja frog amphibian man

Interior crocodile algae I came to party You watch as your very good friend Gary has been grabbed By the mechanical forward hand of this large raccoon Who is holding his banjo menacingly and lifting him up His voices pitching up and down in a disturbing manner And his eyes are almost spiraling hypnotically What do you do?

Hey put him down creepy demon I Excuse me. I'm gonna- Have the voice somewhere. It's close enough. Somewhere in the beginning or middle there. Hey, you put him down, okay?

You creepy, you creepy stupid guitar guy. Yeah, it's a shitty guitar. Yeah, shitty. And I take out my giant bazooka. Oh, the nerve bazooka? Shh. You show them. Uh, go ahead and roll the hit.

Yeah, that, yeah. Yeah, it does the cool anime thing where it like, it launches the thing and then it ignites. It makes it look like it's traveling like 17 miles, but it's got to go like 20 feet. Yeah. Oh! Literally, literally... I don't even care anymore. I'm not attacking.

That's okay, and the missile just... Two. It veers off. It goes... And you thought it was Nerf. It looked like it was made of foam, but it hits a crowd of people and... Tocons and tickets. Oh, all right.

Well, I'm going to go. Quick! Yeah. gonna... A table flips over. Yeah! That was a... A tremendous amount of damage, do you want to move?

I want to move so the tickets. It's all the way on the other side. You can't do it. You can certainly try. You can do anything you want. Okay. Andy. I see that my friends that are next to me, while Gary is getting violently choked out by an animatronic raccoon, are excited about tokens and tickets.

And I say, hey guys, come on! Tighten up! We gotta save Gary! And I don't think I can make it to him in one turn. I don't even think I can make it to the other stage. I'm still gonna rush to my friend Gary, best I can. One, two, three, four, five, six. If it's just per square, you can reach it. Yeah, but that's like, that's like, I'm going for Gary.

I'm protecting my roommate. No, you're right. History would show that we were roommates. History would show. History would show. Oh, how much ammo did the rocket launchers have? Um, for the sake of this combat, I'm gonna say, I, unlimited.

You can do a round for round for a round. 10 plus presents is very common. Let's do 10 plus presents. 10. Thank you. Rules Meister. That's a safe way to go. So I'm jumping from like table, cocktail table to cocktail table,

knocking over beers and appetizers. My aluminum bat raised as I go to rush to save my roommate. Gary. Usually you gotta go to a convention and get choked out by a fuzzy raccoon. As a wise man once. said there's a pervert try to look at my furry raccoon nuts and I try to hit him in the bowl my little bit go ahead and roll a mary move play a speed bag rolling d20

and add your strength that's the 20 I'll see rack food and nuts wait not no no no no not maddie oh that would have been great oh how much there's the bat 2D8. Oh, let's go. So it gives you more chance to explode, right? What's the idea? Ooh, still good. That's nine plus...

Your views. She's got to be up to like five. Five. That's 14 points of damage. 14. Aluminum bad damage. Okay. You smash into the side of the skull of this creature. No, I'm a for his...

Oh, my apologies. You aim for the crotch, and you hear a loud clang. And all this electricity races up the body of this animatronic machine. He looks down at you and his eyes are shuddering around in this nightmare configuration. His skin is flapping off of the metal carapace that lies within and he looks down and and smile upside down and he continues to stare at you. He is not out for the count. Chuckles.

I'm, fuck, knuckles. I'm sorry. It's a little close. It's a little close. It's got an awkward. Oh my God. I think you should change it to cut knuckles. Canuckles.

Canuckles. Like Captain Connuckles. I go along. I go wide and remembering what Andy's move. I'm going to basically, I still have my cup for my ginger ale. I'm going to try to like slyly as I'm sort of like hustling for her. Not like going very fast. I'm going to try to like do a finish my ginger ale,

put it down and then be like, ah, da-da-da, and then like pick up a full beer next to it. Even though I'm sure all these people have scattered, I'm going to try to chuggle full beer. I love that. That's great. That's a great action. I would say that that's, yeah, I mean, everybody is scattered. You'd be able to find a beer. Go ahead and drink it.

That's it. That's a really good use of it. What is your count? Six. Very good. That brings us to the monsters turn. The initial moment where the raccoon turns to you, he pulls you up and he's still grappling you in this way and he just takes his massive banjo. You realize this is not an instrument designed

for playing from a human or a puppet like yourself. This is a metal instrument designed to survive. It is cheaply made and made almost certainly of very hard metals. Oh no. And he slams it down. I need you to see if you resist by making a defense test.

I got one if you want. Uh, We got one, I got one. Maybe a natural wood. Uh-oh. I just... Oh, shit. So your armor's gonna break by one, by one tier.

And he rolls double. And he rolls double-dice damage. Yeah, yeah, so medium armor does what? Medium armor. Well, no, so you would roll your normal armor first and then it would break. So you still get, unless it's target... Do you already break once? No.

That was me. I broke once. So you'll still roll the six, but then future turns, it'll become a defeat. It's just like break. first. He mechanically has the equivalent of your aluminum bat. He rolled two D-8s and he got 14 incoming damage. So subtract

the amount of health that you're able to defend from your armor and your roll. So, three, I may have six health. No, wait, hold on. Wait, three plus five, minus eight damage. It's six.

What are the numbers? So I'm subtracting, I'm subtracting. I'm attracting eight points of payment. Correct. From? From 14. Yeah, that's six. Is that your help?

I have six points of help with that. You go to zero. You go to zero. Oh, this is awesome. You are at zero. You are at zero. Which means you are broken. Let's roll on the broken table, shall we?

We need your roll of D6. We need your roll of D6. It's not over yet. Gary, no. How could this happen? You are broken, which means I believe you're still a constant. You are, no, well, broken is, generally depending on what you roll,

it's probably gonna be unconscious. Dead in D2 hours. Yeah, so you are hemorrhaging, and you are dead in D2 hours if you don't receive help, so we need you roll one more D2, determine how many hours until you're dead dead? One. So we have one hour to give you some sort of healing.

Finally, it's the last hour in the clutches of Walker. It's gonna be rough. That's how he was. And again, if you take any more day, You go to negative, you're dead dead. That's all there is to it. Yeah. Gary, no!

You hear the nightmare laugh of this raccoon as he smashes down. And in the same instant as you're all distracted by this, you hear the sound of creatures mechanical animatronic beasts leap off of the stage. What a nightmare. And I need you to put two on Andy. What?

Can they get there? What's their speed? Does it matter? It's a, it's a, uh, uh, would be gonna do, break, need have. Leap trade we're going to enjoy for the benefits of this combat. That one will jump to, it's just like, yep, exactly, it's just like minions.

Oh, fuck. No, put the, put the, one moment, put the, I want to make sure that I have it. The largest one, the chipmunk jumps the farthest and lands right next to knuckles. Okay. Oh, God, no! So we'll just have to do your best, like they're not,

I would love to have had, like, bespoke tokens for this. We just didn't have time. We'll have to do our best to remember, like, one, two, three, four, five. Just give me a few the markers and we can just color code them quickly. So like this could be Booker, right, orange? This name not Booker. I don't know where you got that idea. Yeah, yeah.

It's Bucker the cucker. Brown could be hazel, right? I can go here. There should be a purple somewhere. Well, maybe orange should have been, uh, it doesn't matter. It's fine. Is this one you want to use? Oh, purple. There should be Peggy. It's going to be Peggy. That's already kind of purple. This is this like pink? What the?

Is that fine? Yep, Expo's fine. Who's pink? Bitsy. Oh, Bitsy's pink. I will just remember, it's fine. And then... And then let's do blue for Booker, and then this can be grumbling.

Okay. I'll remember. I'll remember. Here we go. Okay. Anyway, so they all jump off the stage. They all jump off the stage and the, um, the hazel, the chipmunk lands next to, uh, next to knuckles. Oh my God.

You've ruined our fun! You've ruined our show! And she just rolls forward. I need you to defend yourself. It does. It does, doesn't it? Fucking go. Wow, it's pretty good from here.

15. You are not a small person. As massive as she is, she rolls forward, and she's attempting to clobber and crush you like a boulder from Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark. But you are able to push back into her, and she rolls back.

She is denied her attack in that moment. Then let's go to who's purple? Peggy. That's me. I'm me. The same voice that you hear come out of your mouth every day turns to you and like, dude, you didn't need to ruin our show. Wow. We didn't ruin the show.

Man, we're having a great time. Except you just killed one of my buddies, you fought. The frog slams down, and I need everyone within. 15 feet to make a agility test. Oh. Wait, how do you get agility test? Oh. It's just an agility test.

It's just a fast. So it's me and you. Ooh, 16. I mean, maybe. I'm within 15 for sure. I don't know. I don't think it, well, Brumley's, I'm not problem like me.

Knuckles is close. From this guy? Yeah. Yeah, I'm within 15. So they're making an jelly test. One, two, three. Yeah. You pass.

The seismic explosion that occurs. Seven. doesn't damage you, but everyone else has 15 damage incoming. Oh my God. Don't diminish it. 17. I roll a 17. You avoid it.

Knuckles. You gotta roll your armor. My armor is a D6. Currently, I believe. Plus all your beers. It's bad. I reached by nine. That's not bad.

So I take how much? Six. You said 15? 15. Six points. That's good. That's good bad. We're okay.

We're all right. I got clipped. We haven't got it. We've got a round to attack yet. We've gotten around to attack yet. We're gonna allow us to- Where's the dog? He's orange.

Andy. Yeah. You see the dog and he's like, you ruined our show. I didn't appreciate that. He jumps down and comes in to start punching at you. I need to defend yourself. You wouldn't kill a little baby,

I got a 19. I missed a crit by one. So actually I got like a dirty 21. So I easily dodged another way. You're able to easily dodge out of the way, but at the same time, the rooster swings at you as well. He says, I say, I say. I'll say, I'll say.

Exactly right. I need to defend against his attack. The rooster? No. There's no rooster. I'll say I'm attached. It's steel. No, so it's just, it's just.

Bitsy? It's Bitsy. It's Bitsy. My apology. I still fail. I get a 10 to dodge. I still, I'm sure that's not enough. It just says the mouse.

So I'm going to use the voice, oh boy, you came into our jamboreen, ruined everything, huh? I got a 10 to dodge. A 10, unfortunately, isn't enough. You have to roll for armor. Yeah, and I have a D4 now because my armor broke earlier. The 13 is coming your way. Yikes.

Okay, max. So 4, 9, 10. I saved 10 of the 14. So you take three damage. The mouse punches into you, but you are able to. Ouch. Not well unconscious, but you see the dire

state that your friend is in, at the same time we're at the top of the round. So what does it mean that this guy's right next to me? Can I walk away from him? Yeah, you don't have to worry about being engaged. There's no attacks of opportunity. The raccoon is damaged. You can just move, right? But you give me mind you have ranged

weaponry too. We have bazookas. All of us. If I slam my... I'd like to slam my one up in the Gary's mouth. You race forward and you produce this floating green mushroom trusting the pervert from the bathroom. Oh God. But two hours ago, you push the one up.

Gary, take this pervert's mushroom, dude. Gary, take this pervert mushroom down your mouth, dude. I have gonorrhea now. Oh, no, it's so weird, this mushroom game, you got a run. Suddenly, I have gonorrhea. How did this happen? How do this happen? Rulesmeister. What is our one-up rule?

I'm gonna be honest to you. So when we, when I said that there would be one-ups in the game, I kind of figured it would be like when you die, if somebody gives you a one-up, you have a one-up, you come back with full health. I don't see why this can't just be a full-heel. He's using it early, it's full-heel. I- That's what I would rule. I would agree with you.

Well, is he not dead? He's at zero. He's at zero. So I would just say you basically- I think it's a full-heel. It's a full-heel. It's a new life. It is a new life.

And he gets the Super Mario start. I'm Gary the broken. And who has a better story than Gary the brook. That's pretty good. Your cat's face is poor dirty and you, Gary? I drink it at anything. Oh no. I'm suddenly an idiot.

And that's my whole turn, right? I can't do any other action. I would say feeding something to somebody would be your action and your movement. And you're up. I continue to move away from these horrific animatronics to close in next my friend Gary, shoulder to shoulder, who has just eaten a strange man's mushroom, and I bring the aluminum back down onto this horrific raccoon creature. Rolled hit?

No, not even fucking close. Six. Not even fucking close. You hit... I'm rattling from the hit. You hit against... You smack the back of this creature, and you just happen to hit a reinforced area. The bat... It vibrates in your hands and rings.

That's my shirt. Gary. It's you frog guy I don't even remember your name that's probably just the blow of the head on account of being

split in half by a fuzzy raccoon man that raccoon came to skull in dude it's unbelievable just like old times so if you roll a three on the broken chart it's a traumatic brain injury it lowers your presence to minus three

for like a week. He was one off from rolling that I would love to have like Gary Goodberry D's to have a town for like a week. But you know, we'll talk about it. I'm gonna take, you know what? You may be a bunch of horrific Freddie Five Bears, Woodland creatures. But I got him, I'm gonna sue. That's right.

Damn right. So think, I'll see you at hail, fuck face. And I'm gonna shoot it right here, Because you mean it'll have a splash, a splash effect. Okay. Roll a hit. Use your presence, remember. Instead of strength for ranged, yeah. Roll high.

I just can't roll high. It's fine. I got a fight. You fire it, and all three of the animatronics mechanically turn their head and rotate out of the way just in time as the curtain starts to open and you see the rooster to come out. I see, I say, and he's about to start to play more Calypso when he is nuked from orbit. The rooster, it's spruised into pieces.

I got one of them. A beautiful briefcase falling to the front of the stage, destroying the rooster forever. Oh, I got him, I got him! You're welcome! That was intentional. Meant to do that. Meant to do it, meant to do it. No more reinforcements. Do we know the damage of the bazooka?

Yes. Yeah, you would. I would. chuckles uh you're up uh the what was the equivalent that i've there was an equivalent one moment i can help to i just feel like if i'm minus one for oh it's presence is plus one so there were three ranged weapons that we basically put together yeah um oh sorry i'm in the wrong document bear with me for one moment i apologize i didn't it either i figure if the shuriken is a range three d

then this should be more. I'm so sorry about all that stuff I said about and did with your mom. 3D8. What do you mean dead? I thought you're just always making mom jokes. And it's AO8. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because one of the items that you could have gotten.

Oh, Jen. I'm just got. How did Hazel attack me last round? She tried to roll over it. She tried to roll on you. She's on a sphere. Her enormous spherical. crush me.

Yeah, China trying to Indiana Jones ball you. Get away. I'm like crawling away. And I'm laying

on the ground. Get back here. And I hear do, do do do do do do do do do do.

Oh, I forgot to let my mind know I was here safe. Nokia. I guess I could use a phone a friend

because, you know, the popular game show of the 90. Oh yeah, who was a millionaire? We watch it every week. Hey, Ma, yeah, no, I got here safe.

And I just wanted to let you know, I'm about to win a million dollars. Like the first guy that won a million dollars. That was a great moment of television. I'm just kidding, I'm about to die. There's a bunch of robo furries that are gonna kill me and my friends. I just thought I should let you know.

Yeah, you ate Whistler Dixon. No. No, I didn't put the lasagna in the oven before I... Oh, okay, okay, ma. Okay, okay. Beep. We'll give this one last shot. And I'm the bazooka.

It's almost like the departed when he's like, Ma, I'm gonna be late for dinner. Call your mother and let him know that you're gonna be home. You're gonna be late for dinner. Call my wife and tell her, I said, hello. 18 hits. 18 to bazooka.

Which one are you hitting directly? I'm gonna directly hit this one. Okay. I think that's... Bitsy. Mouth? Yeah, the mouse. Sorry.

It's not the operating party. I don't want everybody saying that. Yeah. Mouse frog and another... Well, gee. These are a bunch of... These are a bunch of... These are a bunch of...

Mountain William Animal Jamberie animals. That's right. Thank you. Oh. Oh. Dude, no explodes. So close. Oh, that's a one-nine.

No, no. It's almost lowest damage. Unfortunate. That's five damage. Almost minimum. Five damage, almost minimum. And one mod. I need to...

Does it only shoot once? Oh, and I did that on my Nupia 3-130 phone. That was fully charged. Absolutely. It has cell service. I mean, it's been a few hours, so it's at 99% now. Oh, that's right. It lasts like three weeks.

The explosion happens, and just like in Terminator 1, when the flesh is destroyed, all of the fur goes up in this disgusting smell and you were looking at the animatronic skeletons of the creatures within. Burning away, everything except for their moving eyes, all of the pistons and everything moving within. The circuit boards,

they are covered in a net of various wires and strange reinforced plating. They all turn to you. Oh, and it's their turn. That's very exciting. We might be in trouble. This might be the end. We might be in trouble here, boys.

I'm glad that... Thank you for giving me that... Strangers mushroom. Andy, you are standing right next to the raccoon. Yeah, the raccoon. Not the raccoon. And it turns and looks at you and he says, I say happy and you say death day.

And he comes down with the banjo again. I definitely dodge with a 16. Oh, yeah. Okay. You were able to dodge. It smashes into the table. and two pictures of beer spiral out in either direction as it crashes. You try that, but it doesn't do any work.

Who's orange next to Galileo there? Grumly. Not Grumly. The dog. Ah, yeah, yeah. You're calling white. Thank you. Like grum on.

But he's not grumly. He's just an animatronic. That's Pugley. It's Hank. Pugsley, meeple. That's right. Whatever. Galileo.

Penny. Penny. Pugmaly. I'm going to ask you a question as the GM, and you have to answer me, what is Galileo's deepest fear? Probably to be forced to drink poison by the Catholic Church. Are you not wrong? That's very funny. I don't know why I have this deepest fear.

I can't even truly put words to it, but I don't know what I have these words mean, but it's to drink poison by the Catholic Church. You ruined our show. Can I offer you some of this Catholic Boys? I needed to make a present. Oh, Catholic Boys! What are the stats on Catholic Poison? A crazy atroletronic performer offering me Catholic Poison. It's made a week wide in shame.

It kills you instantly. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Not looking good. Or nine. That was very funny. You are now afraid.

There's no, like, I may have misinterpreted this rule. But, no, no, no. How should we judge phobia fear? I'm trying to use this trait and make up this stuff on the fly at the same time. You're the equivalent of terrified. You're the equivalent of frightened, right? And so in this situation, you cannot... You cannot attack the dog.

Of the dog. Stun for a... Which one's the dog? You're essentially... Stun for a round. You're stunned. Yep. Let's move to the frog.

Where's froggy? Purple. Seeing that you have been terrified by this nightmare dog animatronic, races forward. Borg, borg. And it's already used it special,

but it is going to attempt to punch at you with its metal arm. arms. Make a defense test. Of course, Galileo. I have a phobia, man. Well. Presence? No, agility. Just dodging.

12. That's just enough. You're falling back stunned and you don't even notice the whiffing arms of the frog flying past you. Where's my mouse? Is toughness relevant in comment at all? Just for HP. Just for HP. It's just determined about HP. It's not a max. HP. Yeah. Okay, got it.

The mouse is this one. Yeah, there's such a log jam here. I'm going to just have her come up and... Sorry, Naliel. Uh-oh. You probably should have saved that. We'll see you next week. It's all good. And I'm stunned. Now Galileo's going to make heat turtles.

He's a frog! Klan! Klan! You, the mouse doesn't hit or attack or anything along those lines, but you're so terrified. And in this moment, the mouse leans forward and says, I can feel its whiskery breath. You might as well have to, I'm not going to do. You might as well have taken that poison because you're going to die in this local cheese, I tell you. And you need to make another presence test.

This is a DR 14. If you pass, nothing happens, but if you fail, you instantly die. What's the DR? What's the DR? I'd like to announce to you, Derek, that I super die. What, is this supposed to be a four? No, you're going to get a 14. Four.

It's a four. Derek, I super died. What is it? No, you can't crit roll. You can't crick fail on a. Andy's incorrect. I've crit failed my super die. What is your role?

What is it? Presence. Yeah. It's a one, Derek. Plus what? No, it's a put, no, it is a one is the total answer, Derek. The DR was four. I didn't get a four, Andy.

I got a one. I rolled a natural one. Oh, boy, I wish you drank that poison. And you feel your heart stop in your chest. From fear. Galileo, you drop, you drop to the ground. Should that be broken or should that be? No, no, it's dead.

Dead dead. You're dead. You're dead dead dead. Galileo was cool but rude, and Galileo was also a party dude. Oh, oh. And the chipmunks rolls forward towards you, Gary. Oh, no, you don't have to do all that. Make a defense test.

And she rolls forward. She just rolls over her head. She's like when Bender becomes a human and rolls, that's just air escaping from his fat. Oh no. We're not doing so good here, boys. That's another natural... I need you to roll your armor.

Oh yeah, my armor's medium now. And now it's broken. You've got 12 points of damage incoming. So what? Medium armor is what? Medium armor is D4. Okay. So you'd roll that defense first and then your armor breaks again. And it goes through D2.

Four? Hold on. Four. Five, nine minus nine. That's pretty good. How much sandwich was it? 12. You only take three?

Yeah, 12. You're all right. Oh, my gosh. Oh, you got full heel. Okay, you're fine. Gosh, I really hope this thick squirrel crew doesn't crush me, but either way. That would be terrible. I hope I don't get a natural one.

It would be, wouldn't it? I hope I don't get a natural one getting crushed by squirrel girl. Galileo. What was your final thought? Just before your heart stopped as you were... You were literally scared to death by animatronics. You needed a four! The arches are looming, man.

Of this magical kingdom. Oh, fuck. You see a sky open up and you begin to ascend into pizza heaven. That said, Andy, you watch all of this and you witness explosions. You're seeing the animatronics spills into the space. They are pissed and they are relentless. All I can do is attempt to beat down this horrific raccoon, opossum looking like creature. redoubled with my aluminum bat and see if I can and try to even the odds here.

I don't even have any food to give my friend. He's twitching. Sparks are flying. The only thing I have left is a tomogachi. Oh, that's awful. That's a 10 to hit. A 10 does not hit unfortunately. Slam again and it rings the um he looks at you and says as the aluminum bat ricochase off this creature. you're getting in and the vibrations shatter up my arms. I say, not like this. I can't believe it's going to end like this. And I'm looking around and there's people are

bleeding Galileo's dead. My friends are being crushed. All the patrons have run. Things are smoking it on fire. No, I just wanted a beer. That's my turn. A beer and a pizza. Pizza shit. No!

That's up to you, Gary. Wow. Galic poison is really strong. Oh my god, it's just, it's guilt gotta live. Oh my god. He probably should have insisted that the earth threw all around the sun. That was very bold. I always told him, careful, my Chris.

Careful! Okay, I reload my bazooka. Um, with the, with the D.R of hitting the corpse of Galee, he was. He's got advantage. He's got advantage. Then the hematronics. Probably.

All right. Here's what I'm saying. The DR would be 12 normally, right? But if you can call a D2, I'm going to subtract it by 2. I'll make it a DR 10. This is just a flip of the dice of the coin. If you can call a 1 or a 2, then I will reduce it by 2. Oh.

All right, roll a D2 to see if it reduces by 2. Yeah. But does the direct hit do more than the explosion? I'm sure. No. No, everyone in the area effect would be damaged. There you go, he said it. Okay, I got to call it.

To see if you reduce the DR. I'm going to say it's going to be the Cracken Symbol. It is the Cracket Simple. It's a DR 10. You launched that bazooka and... I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Galileo via Condios! What a satisfying coin flip.

You launch it, just like Galileo's shot, the... Oh, man. launches out and then before spraying forward. Come on. That's the opposite.

Don't worry, I'm back. I actually beat the poison. I feel so much better. So if I critails explode on me? No. No, I have an idea. However.

Oh, that's good. However, when you launch it, you do feel something break in this cheap plastic position. The missile still flies forward, and you are more than accurate in hitting Galileo's body.

It hits him right between the legs, lifting him up. It doesn't explode. Another nutshot. It just, you're so good at nutshots for you what it is. The limp body of Galileo ragdales dolls forward into the stage and explodes igniting, destroying the body instantly.

As I ascend to the gates of heaven, I go, No, no. You're halfway to heaven when you feel the searing heat and all of a sudden you start to fall. Oh, fall, dude. Right in the goose. Now! Catholic poison is very strong. Ooh, that's

kind of hurt. Guys, this is not going to end well for me. Knuckles. This is not going to end well. This time I got it right. Um, oh God, what do I have in my inventory? Not enough is what I've discovered. Oh, I have brass knuckles.

Oh. But I still don't move away from the large squirrel girl. Who would? Who would? Oh gosh, I hope I don't get gross to this. And the Gary, I think this is it. Do we cheese it?

Actually, do I feel like they would be motivated by tickets? This is the local cheese? Of course you cheese it. I could cheese it. That said. I think you should use your bazooka. No, you got it. You do you. No, no. Do I feel like these things be motivated by tickets?

Oh. I pay them off to- How many tickets do you have? 894. Well, gee, I can finally get that collectible buster, so. I love Clown Strife. I hope you have 18 strength, asshole. Make a presence test to see how you would deduce

the motivations of an animatronic attacking you in the heat of this moment. I don't want to cost to spend any action. No, no. It's not going to cost you an action. It's like a perception check in the middle of combat. 20. You know that there are two valuable pieces of currency in this space.

Tocans and tickets. Tickets are redeemable for an almost seemingly unlimited number of prizes. A ticket is a check that you can turn in here for almost anything. Whatever an animatronic might want doesn't matter. The fact that it could take a ticket to Lenny might mean that it has some value. Not tokens. It already provides entertainment. And as you know, once you become a creator, you don't necessarily consume media.

But... That's right. It's very funny. What the hell? But with that number of tickets, you think that maybe you might be able to make a persuasion check of some kind. A prisons check? Well... Okay.

Please, please, please. It was just a simple mistake. If you wouldn't mind, hold on. I have money. I have tickets. Even better than money. And if I could, I want to try to like pull the tickets out. But while I'm pulling them out, I want to use my horn to pierce two holes into the head of my golf club, if that's possible.

That easy enough to do? It's like soft enough metal. I have two horns. And that's what we'll be like. You want to, while you are holding up the ticket. talking, you want to take like the head and like... Yeah, I'm imagining it's almost like a driver. Yeah. Yeah. What is he doing? I have an idea. Shatters. I think I know what he's doing.

I will say that the DR will be very high, but that I would give it to you if you, if that's all your turn is, is the action of attempting to persuade with the tickets and making an attempt at... I don't want to... I forget the tickets. I just want to, basically, I want to poke, I want to poke two holes in my driver and and take the materials out of the buster sword and put them in my golf club. Oh! Yeah. Ah! All right.

This is pure metal. This is solid metal. Yeah. It's carbon alloy. I got two rhino horns. Believe in the heart of the horns. What would be a strength check? Looks like, I would say, a DR-16.

Okay, this is, this dies. It's doable. It's doable. It is doable. But it's tough. It is very doable though. I need to go for it. I fail.

I think we're dead here, boy. You start to push down and you can feel the metal starting to pierce, but it's going to take more time. The rush of this moment, the fact that you've shown these tickets, there's so much happening in all directions. You just can't get the job done in the moment that you want it to. I will just grab the two maturia and I'm like, I'll fucking cheese it! And I'd run. I run away. I can't.

Where are you? I'm there, yeah, just get me away. Towards the exit, towards the doors. Okay. This place is basically dispersed, and that's very funny. It's the monster's turn. Oh, he's going to get help. Go Fest, Waluigi. Go find Waluigi.

And bring beer. Bring beer! I'm getting thirsty. Oh, boy. I need you to make it a defense test, Gary. I'm gonna get absolutely clobbered. More these things. The chipmunk swings in.

Please don't crush me. Plump, squirrel girl. Please. Normally you have to install a mod for this. Oh yeah. You got your wish. That's it. Chipmunk.

Yeah. Roll for your armor. Oh, that's only a D2. Nine incoming damage. Wow. Wow. That's definitely not. That's a crit.

Yeah, that's actually crazy. Jesus Christ. Hold on. Landed on its side, everybody. If you wanna, yeah, that's fine. Oh my God. Two. Two. So two minus seven.

Seven points of damage to you. Oh no. There's no way. I have four hit points. What I love. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. I look like squid or yeah. Exactly.

So not zero, we can't say broken. Negative hit points. Dead, dead. Dead. You're dead. All right. I, I. I see Galileo and his broken cross rocket body.

I just watch Squirrel Girl guessing in my board. And a tear of sadness, but also a tear of pride. Knowing that Gary would have wanted to go out that way, rolls down my cheek. And like John Stark in the Battle of the Bastards, I raised my aluminum bat. And I brace, I watched the animatronus closed in around me, and I say, Gary, I'll see you in Valhalla.

and I wait for what's about to happen to me. You turn back, I will say that he's completely pressed into the fat. He's just flattened out. You're right in the ass. The other four have to now decimate me. Let's just do it one at a time. The raccoon whispers something horrible in your ear and swings down with the banjo.

Defend yourself. Oh, okay. 22 I dodged out of the way you dodge out of the way still no crit though man the dog Races forward and start swinging down with his fists natural 20 that's a crit I dodged out of the way and I strike with the bat And I got a 19 to hit that hits so that's gonna be 2d8 I got I got explode here I just got explode double six is which is 12 points of damage plus another six which is 18 points of damage pretty good to the two the two the two the dog creature. You come up with the bat and you hit him and just like a one of those

boxing robot games. What's the fuck what am I fucking fucking fucking sock him up? Rock him sock him up. His entire neck and head goes kook kukkukkuk and he falls back completely destroyed. You wouldn't break my neck would you Andy? I'm not one of them is gone. All right that's all I got. I guess it's still now it's Bitsy's saying the mouse races forward and she attempts to scrape and scratch at you. You got this. That's probably a dodge. That's 15 to dodge. What are you just say?

No crit, though. That's all four of them. Oh yeah, Peggy, the Frogs. The Frog, sorry. Has already used their special, so they are also going to attempt to clap you, a smacking your head instantly. It's a 15 to dodge, no crit. And you're able to dodge in this instant.

What? Big casino. Holy. And he's gonna, I'm washing from above. Big smile on my face, still flat. You are floating up, Gary, to puppet heaven, and you watch as Galileo. What do you guys say as you start to meet in this afterlife? I'm sorry for exploding your body with a crotch rocket.

Wait, no, you have to make sure to bury it. That's the only way that... It's Jim Henson! Andy, it's actually your turn. Can you continue to attack the record? cocoon. That'll be a hit. That'll be a hit. I'm finally eating, no crits.

I need the crit master. Oh my God. I need the crit master. That's gonna only be seven plus six is 13 points of damage. He was already blinking and you are able to take down the mascot of the local cheese. Die, you bastard!

Nah! You're too good at that. And you destroy the ragged. the raccoon. Gary, you're dead. You see Jim Henson, he's waving and smiling. He's wearing a very luxurious sweater. Knuckles, you're up.

Am I able to finish my craft project? You can certainly try. I'm not going to take your action. Let's just see if you can crunch it down. The DR is still 16. I'm good. Yes. 16 on the dock.

Let's go! Come on, please, I need this. Oh my god! Fum-K-Foom-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-fus. Because fuck these guys! All right. Roll the fucking hit. It's raged, they gotta use presents.

Oh, no. It's rages to get to use presents. It's not just a cast, I don't... Well, present is fine, it's plus one. We just don't have any spirit in this game. We didn't create magic system again. I never... We're definitely in the next one.

I love that. Oh, my God. 16. 16 damage? No. To hit, that hits all three of them. Oh my god, what's the damage on it? Uh, we have that information.

Oh my god. One moment. Fire three is pretty good, right? That's the equivalent of Faraga. Well, this is fire. Six. It's fire all. Do you use some D6s?

I got them. I got plenty. This is your chance to explode and go ham. Yeah, right? That's my hope. The more days you go to explode on five and six. Five and sixes. This is it.

Right down material magic system. Yeah, we will. Yeah. Okay. We had two weeks. I would love to do it. Here's an explode. So here keep all the ones that don't and we'll just total those up. So that's gonna be four that's eight and then you get another ten is eighteen so now we roll the ten so already on eighteen 19 plus another six is 25 and you keep going roll that 25 plus six is 31 31 31 oh my god 37 37 37 uh 40 3 3 9 49 59 55 that's a 50 6 plus 6 6 6 6 6 6 161 62 oh the chip mouth that's a high it's The chipmunk has the highest amount of HP with 12.

You ignite them and you watch as their metal skeletons grow white hot and they begin to melt. I see this massive fireball coming in and I try to just take cover. And I know it's not going to feel good. I just try to take cover. I try to duck under a table if I can. Is it targeted like fire? Sure. I would say that it's targeted.

I would say it's targeted, but you're next to three melting... For flavor, I'm just trying to get out of your way. And for this purpose, I just needed to make a quick low-DR agility test. I've never needed to hit anything before my life. As I see this fireball coming in and this absolute inferno, I'm holding the bat in one hand. I'm almost too exhausted to grab the bat. I reach into my pocket and I hold on to my trusty Tomagachi

that has been here my whole time as I dive. under the table and attempt to survive this. 15 to dodge. 15, you dodge underneath the table. And you land there, and it's actually the spilling pitcher of beer that protects you from much of the heat as it water falls down. You hold onto your tomogachi, and it is silent.

The space that you are in is quiet. And the entire crowd is completely fleed with the attack of the Mountain Williams, But they don't know it's over. It's just the two of you looking at each other, wide-eyed, full of fear and craze, while the bodies of your companions smolder nearby. They're, as they're going up,

they're burning in this massive inferno, and through the fire, you can see Knuckles turn with his clawed out of her. Like, separate off it, but needlehard. Oh, my God. I turn it around. That's so fucking, you know.

From amidst the burning wreckage, you hear a voice shout out and say, Who's still alive? I am. Gary? Galileo, did he make it out? Gary! Galileo, are you there? I didn't see what happened to you.

I poke my head up and I say, we got to find their body. We got to find, wait. Did they drop any tokens? I think we can buy one-ups. Oh, my God, we can. Let's go. Let's go. So I immediately try to see if these things dropped any tokens at all. The designer almost certainly put this information.

There was enough time. There was enough time. Oh yeah, it says loot question mark. Sexy goblin question mark. Short stack. Yeah. My green folder, question mark. All you see is a flattened now cooling.

pool of metal. They don't disappear. It doesn't go like that, but instead you hear a door open and you see a man wearing a white tank and overalls, a little cap and a briefcase at his side. Look in

again. I have to repair these things every fucking day. And he walks forward and starts to waddle as you guys are in your panic figuring out... I'm cradling Gary's broken body. I'm gonna... I'm I'm gonna find him. He must have gone over here. I'd go on the stage.

He must be around on the knee jumps. I'm holding cruehers behind. Good, good. I find, he's probably like a hole from here and then split over this way all the way down. Oh, God. Yeah. Probably most of the insides are gone. Oh, absolutely. From the, from the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, zyphoid down. He looks like a banana. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Still has his legs, but they're just like, Oh, my God, Galileo, no, we're going to find you shrooms. It's like the old days, all right? Oh, God. Oh, it's like a slinky. I look at this person. Who are you? I'm the repair guy.

I'm here to put these creatures back together. We need help. We need help. Our friends are dead. Tell me about it. We all need help. He starts to sit down and pick up some of the pieces. No, no.

What are we gonna do? Nuggles, what are we gonna do? We gotta find one-ups, all right? Didn't that work for Gary for the first time? We gotta go. Maybe, maybe Lenny can help us. I'm, I take, I click whatever coins I can if there are any tokens. The tokens and tickets that were on your friend's body

certainly would have remained and they would be floating in the general vicinity power stone style. I'd run over all of them. We got to, bring, bring, bring, bring. We got to find Lenny. Lenny will help us. We got tickets, right? Let's go. We gotta go.

And I take Gary's broken body. I cradle my arms like a baby. And I run, I run to letting you. My arms are a little tired. My arms are a little tired. That's fucking disgusting. I need my hands free from my stuff. That's so fucking foul.

You need out my stuff. I got a pussy song. I got a piece of fur and like a blanket wraps much of the metal and begins his dark work as you make your way down the stairs around through the tubes perhaps. the fastest path and you make your way into the arcade. There are other people experiencing their own local cheese nightmares this evening,

but you are focused on yours and you race up as fast as you can to the prize counter. Laddie, letty, please. Tell me, tell me you got one-ups for tickets. One moment I am helping another customer. Gary is dead! Gary is dead! Help us! Please! It's an emergency! You do not have the tickets for this.

Unfortunately, you are going to have to go and win more to get this prize. How many tickets? I am sorry to disappoint you. The other customer walks away and then he turns to you. I was not speaking to you. Oh, okay. You gotta stop doing that. What?

One-ups. You have one-ups? Yes, we have many one-ups. How many? How many tickets? The one-ups costs 25 tickets. Why didn't we load up on these? Oh my God.

Yeah, please! I give him 50 tickets immediately. He takes 50 tickets and you have suddenly two one-ups in your hands. Two one-ups in your hand. I jam a mysterious mushroom down Gary's throat. Eat it! Come back to me, you bastard. Live!

And his body, which was flattened by the chipmunk, starts to... Pops into perspective, and suddenly he's back. Gary! Oh, Galileo! This should work. Oh, I should have untied him before I did that. Oh, no! Oh!

Galileo can't unpressile his legs. You watch, and it's like... It's like all of the Sigourney Weaver's in an alien resurrection, and you have to murder him a second time. You can't fire. You really should have thought of that as you brought him back. He wasn't ready. It's a good thing you had the other 25 tickets.

It's a good thing you had the other 25 pictures, though I will say he will remember this. You know, at least. He's alive, and I give him, he's a dime, and I give him the next one up. And he starts to reform. His hearts come back together, and pretty soon all of your circulatory system starts pumping again. You feel your heart returned. For a brief moment, you thought you were in the eternity of hell for the pain that you were experiencing.

Blurry eye looking around, you find yourself on the arcade floor with your resurrected friends. No, no, no, I can take it. I can take it. Just sit down. Just sit down. Just sit down. You're back. You're right. You're right? Oh, fuck, man.

I thought I lost you guys. You, you're good, man? Oh, something to hear, I think I had some kind of fucking crazy dream. Oh, my legs were all pretzled up, man. Oh, that was just fucking, terrible. I had the movie wonderful dream. What do you mean? Oh, gosh.

You were crushed by an enormously thick squirrel. Oh, squirrel. Oh, gosh. You were there, and you were there, and you were there, and Squirrel Girl was there, and Jim Henson was there. You were flattened like a pancake. It was pretty fucking sick. Oh. Wait, wait, you boy, over there.

What day is it? I'm a 56-year-old man. It's not too late. Oh, thank goodness, it's not too late. Here, boy, ew, is the great turkey bigger than you still available in the corner shop? What the fuck are you talking about? Take my tokens! Buy it post haste!

And there's an extra shilling for you if you're deliver it! I just ran out of tokens. Thanks, buddy. And he runs away. Oh! What a joyous day! Guys, we gotta... We gotta really figure out what we do on Saturday nights moving forward.

This is getting out of hand. Yeah, you do! You hear the voice of the manager from behind you, and you turn and you see him looking at you. What did you do in the jamboree? I heard the whole story. from our repairman. It wasn't us.

It wasn't us. It wasn't us. We weren't in the jamboree. Nobody else here fits your description. You're all very unique looking. They're all liars. Especially you. I'm just a dude.

Ew, redhead. Yeah. All right, this guy's drunk. I'm drunk, man. This guy's drunk. Hold on. I'm pretty sure it was this kid wearing a light blue t-shirt that said Dick the birthday boy.

I swear it was. None of the damage you did was. permanent, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, and just like last week, you've been banned from the local cheese for six days. Oh, six days? That is the policy. That's an extreme punishment. It's what it is. What?

I thought this was America! I'm the manager. What are we in the USSR? I make the rules. What are we behind the iron curtain? What are you from the Kremlin? My security guards will escort you. Thank you.

This is America. You find yourself suddenly picked up. Okay, Cosmon, I we landed on the boot. There is no resistance by the two height-like creatures that grabbed you and bust you out from the doors. You hit the cold concrete of the sidewalk. Into the parking lot area. The cold air hits you.

It's perhaps 11.46 p.m. on a Saturday night, you look out and the silence hits you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what? Things really spiraled out of control. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let it get like this. I think I died twice and somebody blew up my body. We have no way of knowing who that was. I got everything that's going to fix it, though.

I got everything that's going to fix it. You guys want to go to Waffle House? Let's fucking go. Yeah, let's go. Wait, how are we going to get there? We're all too drunk to drive. No. Listen, that's never been a problem before.

Yeah. No, no, no. I'll call my ma. Boop, boop, boop. Yeah, ma. Yeah, yeah. The fellas and I, we had a little too much, but we're really craving waffles.

Do you mind bringing the van and picking us up? Waffles, again? Yeah, it's just sort of a thing. It's tradition. You know how fellas are, Band of Brothers and all that? You ever seen that show? The series, with Captain Dick Winners. Oh, it's a good one.

You should see it, Ma. Produced by Tom Hanks. Yeah. No, but if you could just come, we'll just hang out here. and decompress after our herring experience. Oh, by the way, I'm not dead. We didn't get killed by robot furries. So that's the good...

Oh, I did. Sorry about the mizania from earlier. Thank you, Mrs. Sandwich. Thank you, Mrs. Sandwich. All right. That's very funny. The way here. Thanks, ma'am. You know what, guys?

I think this was a Saturday to remember. Yeah. Hands in. Hands in. You know what? Same time next week? Thirteen beers with the local cheese next time. 13 beers and local cheese. Same time next week.

Same time next week. Yeah! You freeze frame and the credits start rolling, and that is where we'll call tonight's session. Let's fucking go. Holy shit. And as the credits roll, we do a uniform dance to a musical number. That's right, of course.

No, no, it freeze frame, and then there's like a text that shows up. Like where we're in a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we wait for my mom to show up. I asked Galileo about the crushing weight of Catholic guilt in the depths of hell. Thank you. And I answer about the crushing weight

of squirrel girl. Thank you, Andy and Derek, for putting this together. Thank you for having me for GMing. Thank you again. Cobal Blue Waters for the amazing art for the background and the thumbnail and everything. Thank you so much for listening to

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