Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 3 | Continue?

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

The gang returns for another night at The Local Cheese only to find things changed....   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/YfUonKY1iIU?si=6uo-x1FgLLoN07ID

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. What happened last time on 13 beers at the local cheese, you may ask? We moved out of the booting. I mean, TLDR, they went to the local cheese and they got kicked out. They were banned. They were banned for their activities. They were banned for their debauchery. There, some of it, you missed the part where some of us died.

I'll get there. I'll get there. You're starting the part we got kicked out. I think that that is. You skipped all of this. We're starting at the end and we're doing one of those, you're probably wondering how I got here.

Oh, oh. Apologies. I'm starting here because you were banned. The maximum amount that any manager at the 13, at the local cheese can ban someone for one week. Actually, six days. Six days and 23 hours. Six days and 23 hours.

Let's start at the very beginning. You all met at a parking lot to enjoy a, a humble and sober night at the local cheese. Very sober. This gang, never. You walked inside, you got some food, you got some beers, you started to approach that limit

right out of the gate, you got drunk, you were influenced by the magical beer power of the local cheese. You fought some meatheads. They were very aggressive. Actually, I believe they were aggressive because Knuckles here was transformed into a monkey. Yeah, but didn't Annie cut one of their heads? Yeah, yeah. It was a little glorified.

And they started. I think every single fight began with Gary punching somebody in the guy. But he's not punching. I'm monkeys laughing and he's literally cutting guys. I just cut his arm off. It happens. Okay?

They started it. I ended it. Yeah, exactly right. Hasn't Star Wars later subtitled A New Hope? The night progressed onward. You'll be dead. You enjoyed games. You found the arcades that you wanted to do to enjoy.

You tried to tinker with some of the cabinets in order to get more tokens. You ran from the manager and his two bouncers. You continued to get into all kinds of chaos and insanity. You fought some ninjas along the way who were trying to steal your tickets. And then, Knuckles, given the old knuckle punch to the Tower of Power, was able to win 1,000 tickets. Never should have happened. Oh, that's right.

You met... This was the second time you met the ticket count. the ticket master, the prize owner, the person who at the prize booth rewarded you and your many tickets with all kinds of... No, you're thinking of the manager. I thought it was like Kyra. Reginald, Reggie. I don't know about the ticket guy. The ticket guy was like the grim reaper. What was my voice? Was it like... His name was Lenny. His name was Lenny.

Lenny. Lenny. Lennie. Lenny. Due to the power of yes. and improvisation, he has a brother named Billy, because Knuckles just walked up and assumed that they knew each. That's how that was.

That's right. That's how it works. Unfortunately, my mom's my mom's. That's right. That's right. I forgot all about that. In their search, in their search for 13 beers trying to reach that mythical level, they made

their way to the food area where they were confronted by the animatronic band. And this is where things turned for the word, even at clad with all of the armor that they had gotten with their tickets, even with all the weapons, like a rocket launcher, and an aluminum baseball bat. It was a close fight, and unfortunately, Galileo fell. He fell to Catholic poison.

And then, Derek, and then what happened to me? And then a rocket hit him in the gooch. Really, the gooch? It happened in the gooch? Yeah, it hit him right in the gooch. That's canon? That's canon. That's canon.

That's canon. No, no, no, no, and then he spiraled into the stage and exploded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did he get him in the Gucci? And then I encountered Gary in the afterlife, and as Gary was ascending to heaven, I said, I'll meet you there, just don't forget to bury my body. It's the only way. It's the only way I can ascend to heaven.

Now, for destroying the band. In case there is resurrection of flesh. For destroying the band, the manager. In case there is resurrection of the flesh, bro, bury my body. I also died too, Derek. Sure. I was flattened by the squirrel girl's ass. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It was a nine and a half hour of video. I don't know what to tell you. I only got... There were ways to go in. It's all but to say. And you found yourself in the parking lot with two perhaps spiritual versions

of Galileo and Gary. And he was like, well, see you guys next week. That's right. Before we continue with the actual session proper, let's take a moment to level up. Because you're all, uh, uh, we'll start with the refresh of the rules and then we'll do a little level.

Let's do it. Sure, are we level one normally? Um, yeah, technically you're level one. We'll be leveling up to level two. Um, that doesn't really matter. The level number doesn't really matter so much. But good to know. I didn't include that on here because I didn't think to. That being said, for those of you who have never played a board like before, we got a quick little rules overview for you. This is technically a D20 system. Uh, whenever you have to, uh, whenever you have to, make a test, you do so against a difficulty rating or a DR. To succeed, you roll a D20 and you add or subtract your ability modifier with a result greater than or equal to to the DR.

Enemies don't use these ability modifiers, they just roll against the DR. If you're looking for something that's easy, it's about a six, and eight is something that's routine, but there's a chance of failure. 10 is simple, but not too simple. 12 is normal, 14 is difficult, 16 is really hard, and 18 is nearly impossible. When it comes to combat, you may move an attack. Your initiative is going to be agility, your agility score plus AD6. You do critical hit on a natural 20,

and when that happens, for attack, you're rolling twice as many dice, and you reduce the opposing targets armor by one tier. You actually break their armor. Nice. For defense, if you crit on a defense, you actually get to make a counterattack. That's the advantage of rolling well on your defense. Oh, cool. Fumbles are natural ones.

If that happens while you're attacking, your weapon will break or is lost. If that happens on defense, you take. double damage and your armor tier is reduced by one. It's as if because in this case in this game Derek is not rolling for the enemies. We are right we're rolling to see if their attacks hit us and we're rolling to see your attacks hit. Right, right, right, right. If your tier armor drops to tier zero, it is destroyed. General player movement is six squares or 30 feet across the board. You players roll like I said for both attacks and defense for melee it's a D20 plus your strength for range. It's a D20 plus your strength. It's a D20 plus your presence and for Dodge it's D20 plus your agility. This says strength but I know it's agility.

Resting. A short rest is about 10 minutes. You recover 1D4 HP. Long rest is overnight. You recover 1D8 HP. There is morale in this game. Enemies can flee if their leader is killed or half the group is eliminated, but some enemies will fight to the death. What are you smirking about? Someone said an Andy is Andy. What is it? I'm just looking at it's like, What does it say on my name? I know, but that's what I was smirking at. I'm like, we are...

I'm not answering you and missing them. We're in a D&D session, and you're playing Andy, and your name plays as Andy, there's art of Andy. That's right there. That's just very funny. Anyway, if you have zero HP, you are broken. It is very hard to be delivered a wound that will put you at exactly zero. But it can happen.

It happened. If you are broken, you will roll on the broken table and certain things can happen. If you go to negative HP, you are dead. No fans or butts, nothing to do No saving throws, nothing. Then we'll talk about leveling up in a minute. Drinking. Consuming alcohol of any kind has pros and cons.

For each drink, you consume, you gain plus one HP to damage dealt. Once you have consumed more than, oh, this isn't the updated version. What happened? Once you have consumed more than two times your toughness modifier and drinks with a minimum of two.

So if your HP, if your toughness modifier is zero, it's still a minimum. minimum of two. Okay. Then you become drunk. Once that happens, you must roll on the drunkenness table for each drink, each other drink you consume, and then your damage dice can now explode. What is exploding dice? When you are rolling for damage, if any of your dice roll the max result,

you get to roll damage again. There is no limit to how many times this can happen. So as you drink, you get stronger. There are negative consequences on the table that you roll on, but your damaged dice can explode infinitely. If you take a critical hit while drunk, you will remove one drink from your total. That can sober you up.

If you are broken or you are dead, you will be sober and you remove all drinks from your total. That's basically it. If there are any questions about the rules of the game, ask them now or while they plan, happy to answer them. In the meantime, let's prepare to level up. Are there any questions we have about the game, the flow of the game?

No. Oh, how does the equipment work? I might need to be refreshed. How does equipment work? Your character sheet will show you that you have a feature, that you have equipment, but you have under weapons is where your weapon and your armor is. The way that it works, in this particular case, last time you rolled plastic cutlery, which is a 1D4 damage. And you have heavy armor, which is a minus D6 to damage.

If, when you are attacked, you go to dodge, you don't get out of the way. I forgot I had heavy armor. You take damage, you would roll the D6 to reduce the damage before you subtract it from your HP. I love that. And it's because you're wearing a Jinkgo jeans and you have a... No, his Jinko jeans is his container. Yes. Oh, well, I remember you wearing a lot of gene quality material.

Yours, I almost guarantee, is a D4. It's a D2. Or D2. It's a D2. Oh, a two. Yeah, the twos are basically backwards S's. It's a funky font. We picked a cool font.

Yeah, I was like, oh, very. But you'll remember that your feet was Fist of Fury, and you chose not to flight with your iron with your cup for me because you have 2d4 you basically had extra damage and I have no funnels because I have fists if you're not trying to be well you can't tumble your fists yeah exactly right can't fumble your fist so that is how you roll a D you roll whatever your D is for your damage yours is ranged yours you have so my gun adds presence not my agility no no no I made a mistake um I believe that no no that's correct yeah range is not agility you would think it is it's present it's present but throwing in it is all range. No, it's all presents. All ranges presence. All ranges presence. Agility is Dodge.

That's right. Yep. So, but what, and for what your, what the plus presence thing is the number of darts you have. So you'll roll a D10. Again, we're just gonna start fresh for the number of ammo you have. And you'll add your presence modifier to it. Okay. Oh.

And so if your presence is fucking whack, we'll fix that next time. We'll fix that to the session. It's because I tried to shift everybody's stats around to like make it for what they were good at. And but then you don't necessarily have to be your arranged person. What was happened last time? I like it. I like it. Any other questions for as far as the game system goes? Derek, give me your nurse gone.

Oh, you still have that, right? That's fucking. I look for it. I look for it. I don't know where it went. What? Is it here? I had it for, I had it for Quigley, and I set it down somewhere and I have no fucking idea.

No, no, no, no, no. When I got it home. You took it home. Okay, yeah. Everybody ready? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, so as far as leveling up goes,

We do three things in order. Number one, we will take turns doing this because I want it to be public and I want it to be out loud. You will roll a D6 against every statistic that you have starting with strength. Results equal to or greater than your modifier, increase it by a plus 1 to a maximum of plus 6. Otherwise, you get a minus 1 to that statistic. Abilities with modifiers ranging from minus 3 to plus 1 always increase by 1 unless you roll a 1. So you really have to fuck up in order you get the minus. Abilities with a modifier ranging from minus three to plus one will always increase by one.

What's the minus one? Unless you roll a one. Got it. So it's really hard to fuck up at this point. But if, so now that I have a plus two. That's the only one that could fuck up. If I roll a two, it's, I still lose one. Greater two equals zero or two.

So you still have to roll a one for that. Got it. But it's once you get plus three, then you can start to fall back. Unless you get a minus, unless you roll a one. Right. No matter. So if I have a bunch of zeros, no matter what I roll on this, it can only go up by one. Unless you roll a one.

Even if it's zero? Unless you roll a one. Modifiers that are between minus three and plus one can only go down if you roll a one. So you have a five and six chance for them to go up by one. Oh. And so agility could go. Wait, what's going up by one? The actual number or the actual modifier?

No, the actual total. And then if your total hits a break point, the score will then affect the modification. Got it. Which I will tell you if that's the case. Alright. 12 is the limit to go from 0 to 1. And then it's like 16 to go to fucking 3 or something. It basically isn't gonna happen.

So we're gonna start with Dalai, roll a D6 against your strength. 5! Your total score will increase by 1. Total score or modified? No, your score, you're modifying. So I have 10 strength, please. Which means nothing changes, right? I just still have plus 0.

That's correct. But again, as we love it, up you want to keep doing that right yeah roll your strength I'm good what do you need what are you looking for I just anything but a one anything but one I got a four any pencils over there yeah plenty yeah I should have left these blank I didn't think about this to be honest I got a five so my strength will go up to 12 no is still a minus one and oh oh eight is minus one nine nine nine become zero okay well minus one on eight is still minus one what's the place

3 breakpoint I can check I have 16 here it's plus 2 maybe it might be it might be it might be 70 if it's DCC it's 18 it's not DCC it's board 15 and 16 or plus 2 17 and 18 is plus 3 let's fucking go huge okay I got a 5 so my strength goes up to 12 which is still plus here all right agility is this one is that a 15 that's a that's a 15 that's a 15 yeah yeah so Rolled for your agility. 5 again. Which means it goes up. So I have a plus 2. It still just goes up on you go to 16. Oh, okay. So I go to 16. Yeah.

Which does agility. Yep. 6. It's a plus 1. Nice, dude. 5. So I get 11 agility which doesn't do anything for my life. 4. I go up to 15 agility. Which again is still the same breakpoint I believe. Okay. Oh no. Is 15 plus 2? 15 and 16 plus 2?

Oh, fuck yeah. My agility goes up to plus 2. to plus two. Nice. Is it 11 plus zero? 11 is plus zero. Yeah, it's like 9 to 12 is 0. 3. That's the biggest gap.

All right, presence goes up. So I go to 10. Oh no. Oh, Hoyn'tlop has got a 1 in presence. My presence is already seven. He drops a 7. You've got a negative 2. Oh!

Oh, that's brutal. Well, you gotta have a weakness, you know. Don't worry. There's also, there's also one of the, one of the beer results is permanently increase your pressure. presence by one. That's true. So you can fix that. Wow. I got a three so I have now plus two presents. Nice. My presence is going up to 10 still plus zero.

Toughness. My toughness is... Oh, I wrote all fives, I think. Wow. My toughness is going on one. I need this. Please. I need this too. Please. Oh no, what happened? Oh fuck, dude. Your toughness dropped by one. It's not gonna affect your HP though. You're good. Doesn't affect your HP. I was so close to plus one. I got a two, so it goes up to plus one toughness now. I got 13. Wow. My toughness goes up to 11, which is still again, no break point. Okay. Alright, the next thing we do is we each roll a D6 to add to our HP. Oh wow, D6 HP? Yep.

Dang, but... Oh, yeah, keep your result because you roll in both. Yeah. But do it in red. So plus two your HP. Oh, four. Nice. Three. Plus three. And I got plus one for HP.

Wow. 12. So I have an 11 HP. I have 10 HP. And now lastly, what we'll do is I think... Six before? Seven. Everybody keeps the same equipment they had last time,

unless for some reason you used it up or something like that. I don't think anybody did. A lot of the equipment is just for flavor. You can think of funny ways to use things like my Lisa Frank notebook or my Tomogachi. Some of them actually do have results. What we're going to do for the last thing is we each get to roll one more time on the fancy gear tape. Oh, let's get. Oh, nice.

But we're gonna re-roll anything we got last time. Okay? So we're gonna try to get new stuff. So starting with Galileo, what is it a 20? On the, uh, DM, help me here. What's the fancy, fancy table? D-12.

D-12? And the GM's gonna read it out. Yep. Three. Roll again. Yeah, we may have to do a bunch of rolls here, so be fancy. Four. Four. You have a, uh, you have a stick of go-gurt.

You came prepared. Oh! Does it have any abilities? It does. does. When you use the gogert. Is this equipment or weapons? It's equipment? It's equipment.

You may consume the gogert for D4 hit points. You can heal it. Do you have more flavor? That's up to you. Strz-Brander-Bin-R-R-Bin-A-R-Bin-A. Yeah, you brought this with you. He chose turkey dinner, everybody. No, no.

No, no. And then-Dem, never mind. I was a draw. There is rapid coughing. Sorry, what did you say that it did? It did. One D4 healing. One D4 healing. Yeah.

And it is right. You have rapid quaffing. As far as I'm concerned, we've got it. That means that on your turn you can quaff. Slamma jam. Slamma jam. Hit the banana slamming your turn. I'm rolling.

11. 11. Nice. Oh. You've snuck a six pack in. Nice. It counts for six beers. No way.

Humongous. I just added that one today. Slam it in. in the slamming the we roll up in February old Hool-A-Anne's news van. Oh yeah. We're just slamming bruise in the in the parking lot before we go. I was following this in guys, guys, come on, come on. We're gonna pre-game in the parking lot.

Yeah, oh get it up under my puppet hole. Get it all up in the-oh. Oh god, Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary. It's mostly hygetic. D12. Most, with a one.

With a one, you brought a small pocket knife. Oh! That's classic, Gary's. Yes. That's classic. I got you the metal detector. Keep in my, it's not an official weapon. Like, you might be able to think of, does it do anything?

No. It's just a small pocket knife. It doesn't do anything yet. It's not a tool. It's not like a weapon, right? It doesn't have a... Is it a utility knife or just a pocket knife? Like a Swiss Army knife.

Like a Swiss Army knife. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like the little guy. I got a nine. A nine? You brought a flask which holds one drink. Sweet, nice. That's very...

And... Um... That means we have seven drinks between the... little even step foot in the local cheese. We learned from last week, boys. Do you want to roll to see if you brought it full? Yeah, absolutely. I'll roll a D6, evens or odds. You choose. Evens is it's full, odds or it's empty? Odds, it's empty. I'll have to fill it. I'll have to fill it. I'll have to fill it. Real Andy never will fuck that out.

I mean you could add one beer and say it's empty. We'll see what happens when we get into the parking lot. So that is the level up process. Thank you for partake. in it I have nothing left to say I'm turning it over to our game master for the oh that's me that's me and we're back with a death wish and a fistful of tokens then bring your bad decisions down to the local cheese everyone high fives yeah yeah we've got pizza we've got games we've got fully licensed brutal broles with local weirdos everybody celebrates as though they just won a prize

Finally, my squash car! And the local cheese is expanding new games, new food options, everything deep fried to perfection. And as many beers as you could possibly want, so long as that number is two or less. Everyone chugging beers. Everyone eating hot pizza. Oh, I love pizza. Oh, pizza's very yummy, radical. The local cheese, where the floors are sticky, the rules are fake, and every night is fight night.

Cheese, cheese, never leave. us some more cheese, pretty please. The local cheese is not legally responsible for injury, stolen goods, possession, sudden glitching, arcade-related psychosis, or ticket-based reincarnation, void where prohibited. Andy, Gary, you're in the

parking lot of the local cheese. Standing next to your car, however you got here. No, we came up with a fireberg. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, okay. The fire.

Old fireberg. Maybe they'll come in. I was going to say, Oh, the El Camino. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I own the El Camino. Be glad he said that because I was going to drive in a 1993 Toyota Tursell. Yeah, we drive up in a beat up old Camino.

No, no, they revoked my driver's lives in a long time. That's right. He's still on probation. Yeah, I'm on probation. You're waiting after your two friends, Knuckles and Galileo. God, where are they? Gosh. You know what they're always late.

I know, last week it was, you know, the news van they rolled up and late. Like, what are we doing, Gary? Yeah. they get February O'Hoolahans, old day old newsman. I don't know. You know, we should ask them about it. You know, they roll up and they think

just because they could broadcast propaganda to the local masses that their car is cooler than ours, just because R.L. Camino needs a bit of a detailing. He has character, okay? Just because there's a family of cockroaches and also raccoons. Well, maybe the raccoons are real. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of chino dust in there. Well, that's from you. I actually found a mummified gusher the other day. It was still good. Oh. It was still good at me. Well, waste on whatnot.

You're having this conversation. And you hear the putter of not a news van, but instead of a small motorbike. Woo. As you see Galileo riding what is the pizza delivery motorcycle from Teenage Ninja Turtles 2, The Secret of the U's. And massive on the back of the motorcycle.

Not even in a car seat, they're all in the back. It was holding onto the back. Unfortunately, the news van was in for repairs today, and you putter up to the neighboring spot. I hear they come. Here they all. Careful. Oh, my God.

Guys, what took us so long? We made it. Where's the news van? Yeah, Jimbo. Why was he riding bitch? What? Jimbo. It's been so long.

Why are you calling them Jimbo? I can't remember the riders. It's the knuckles. It's not a little. Oh, you're talking to me? No, no, no, no. There it is. Gary, how much you do you have to drink, though?

That's definitely not a mickey. Definitely, definitely, Gary. Think not a mic. Look, don't call me the rhino, all right? Oh, I mean, I'm sorry, sorry. I'm not D rhino. I mean, sorry, Knuckles. I'm a rhino.

Sorry, Knuckles. Yeah, I mean, so. Go ahead. I was just laughing again the voice. I don't know, I had no other. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, we have to get that too much like that.

We're all going to take one-way ticket to goo to do. What happened to the van, guys? Oh, it's in for, uh, February has it in for repairs. How do you guys even know February of Willey? Oh, that's a long story. We go way back. When are you going to introduce us? Yeah, what are you going to introduce us?

Oh, yeah. We have, we have, we have, we have. kind of a style thing going on. You know, I'm afraid that, uh, you guys would, would maybe change the dynamic. What? Oh, yeah. Look at us. What?

What? We're cool as there. Um, and I would, why would you assume that I would ask her to try to zip up that one, that track suit? Why would you assume that I would try to dip it up? At this point,

I'm not even sure why she connects the size. I mean, exactly right. It's a little shit. I mean, you know, I wouldn't say anything degenerate or perverted or uncalled for like that. No, it's just a, general issue kind of in that, in that area. What?

Galileo, man, come on. I drive in El Camino. It's cool. It's bitch in his head. Yeah, look at that. It's pretty nice. It's not quite as nice as this sweet ride here. Look, just do me a favor. The next time you see February, just ask her she wants to take a ride in El Camino, all right? Yeah. I'll see what I can do.

Thanks, man. That's what Buds do. We'll clean out all over the past blue ribbon cans out of the back. Yeah, I'll see if I can get the family raccoons out of the trunk. Oh, you'll have to have to have... Men are high life. The champagne of beer. I did. Like $2,000.

Look, here's the thing. I tried to get my mom's station wagon, but there's a function down at the school. Some kind of gala or something. Oh, another big sale, maybe. Yeah, she had a bunch of, like, wicker baskets she was bringing in. I don't know what it was for,

but, yeah, she couldn't let me use the station wagon. Is that why, is that why Galileo didn't go on account of it being the Knights of Columbus? That's very funny. Do you have that really specific weakness of Catholic Poison. As you know, the Knights of Columbus often deal exclusively in Catholic Poison.

That was really weird last week. Do you ever discover what was any Catholic poison? I don't know, man. Because you should avoid that at all costs. I definitely died. And then somebody blew up my old body. So, I mean, right, right, the goo.

Who would have to goop you with that rock and locker? What? Who would have dig down? I can't believe that robots did that. Things got really out of control us. I mean, you literally fucking die. I mean, I don't know how to die. I forgot that we both died.

I think Gary died? You know, guys, the thing is that when I died, I really thought that I would kind of rise up and see the pearly puppet gates. You know, I thought I saw Jim Henson up there and he was waiting for me and it was going to be beautiful. But then I realized that it was just my brain shutting off in my puppet body.

that it was just the void. Oh. It was just nothing. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. There's nothing waiting for us after that. Look, look, enough.

Enough with the talk, man. I need a beer. I don't know about you guys, but I need a beer. I think it's time for the honorary weekly tradition of comparing how many tokens we each have. And I pull out however many tokens I might start this session with.

Oh. And if I'm, if I can ask, should we roll for how many tokens we get to start with? I think that we will have a bit of a role to see how many you kept. But I will also say that the twists that we enjoyed from the hype train will also be distributed evenly.

And I believe that we got to level 12. We had 11. 11. So all of you get to enjoy three except for one of you. Well, it's not going to be me. I basically saved the, not it? Not it? I'll take the hip.

Wait a minute. I feel like Galileo is the weakest link here. They're giving me extra token, man. You can probably use an extra. You're right. The strongest one gets the handicap just like Mitty Golf. The greatest and handsomest and best driving skill, especially while a few... I don't know if it's all for it. It may not matter who takes the hit. It may not

matter because in addition, roll a D4 and find out how the additional tokens you have. Because he all came prepared to play. Two twists. To start with two tokens. No, I twist. Oh, they're tokens. Right? They're not twist. They're tokens. Okay. They're tokens now. Okay. And now you're roll. And now we all reach roll of D4. Oh. I start up with an extra four. I got seven tokens.

Let's fucking go. I start up with extra one. I have three tokens. I'm loaded with tokens. The other thing I forgot to do during level up, which we can do upon entering the local cheese is roll a new

idiosyncrasy. Oh. Oh. We'll do that upon entering local cheese. Do you want to do that first beer? What? Do you want to do that upon drinking the first beer? Sure.

It depends on when that first beer happens. That's what I was going to say. I mean, he's kidding, guys. Look, I didn't get the station wagon, but she left before, Willful Galileo picked me up, so I managed to go to the fridge in the garage. And in the back there, I think I snagged a few, fellas. And so I'm wearing cargo pants with so many pockets.

Yeah. And I have six different pockets. Hell yeah. And there's a mirror in each one. What kind of beer is it? Oh, man. Um, because I can see it being either very cheap beer or one of those extremely expensive, like, uh, dogfish head 120s. Like, you're saying, sorry, that it's all the Sandman of Variety Pack. Oh.

I don't like. Uh, I got Uncle Fezzy wigs. Uh, oh. Oh, I have, uh, the Christmas one. What is this one? Winter, winter something? Oh, winter, uh, what should call it? Oh, it's the Christmas holiday Friday. Yeah, that's all. That's fine. Legally distinct October fast. I got

Dennis Gittey Flask the 1994 promotional tie-in beer from the film, the MGM studio, the film Dennis Gittie Flask. How old are these beers, man? I mean, they were in the back of the bank of it. It says four and a half percent. That's all it matters, right?

Ninety-four was actually last year. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. First off, great fucking thinking. Third of all, You had to swipe these from your mom. How old are you? Aren't you like 42?

I mean, yeah, I'm 42, but I'm not supposed to go in the fridge in the garage. All right, well, cheers. I'll drink to that. Cheers, nice, yeah. You all start chuckling, chucking when all of a sudden you hear it. And police officer. Oh, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

What? Whoa! Cheez, cheese, cheese, cheese. You don't. Instead, you enjoy the beverage that you distribute. that it's been distributed from Knuckles, and you have, I believe, two beers left. Keeping those deep in your cargo pants pockets,

you begin to make your way towards the entrance of the local cheese. And it's there that you see the glowing windows, all of them shaded, darkened, the bright neon side sign of the local cheese with its animated pizza and mascot therein. You also see the two bouncers who are at the front, One of them wearing a deep red, a very tight t-shirt.

The other one wearing a mustard yellow, very tight t-shirt. Both of them, absolutely massive, huge muscles, very tall. Both of them wearing sunglasses and totally bald. Arms crossed. Welcome to local cheese. Well, thank you. May we enter? ID. Let me see some ID.

Oh, fine. ID. I get on my wallet. It's right there. Dude, I'm 36, man. Alright, you can go... Thank you. There you are.

I'm actually a sovereign citizen. Alright. I don't need an ID. I'm gonna pull my wallet chain out, and I'm just gonna open the flap and it has the plastic window. Can you just see it from here? I mean, it's right there. See? For what it's worth, Gary's like 456. I don't need ID.

He's like 400 year old. I'm 42. We see you have a... I gotta do it, the manager asks. Damn it, Reggie. Reggie, man. Fine, let me get my special wizard's specific identification. The mysterious orb.

Oh, I'm missing boo again. This pulsating orb emerges from Gary. It shows me as an embryo and it's just my entire life. Dude, what the fuck? Both of the, both of the, uh, bouncer's of, ooh, oh, there you. That's a mysterious orb for you. All right, all right.

Don't look at it, guys. Don't look at me at it. Oh, yeah, definitely it burnt your eyes. I just experienced centuries of life. Yeah. Yeah, you might, uh, your lifespan may be reduced by a couple years, but don't worry about that. That's just a, the mysterious orb guarantee.

I'm gonna worry about that. Don't worry about it. You guys can go on in. All right, we've- We've seen the door. Jeez. You pop in through the door. And it's a year that you suddenly are struck

by the same neon lights, the radical graffiti on the walls, all of the usual sites, but reconfigure. It seems that they've been doing some redecorating since you've come in loud. No, no, no, no, I don't like change. There are still tubes in all directions, but it seems like everything's been Rubik's cubed, where you would normally expect the bar to be on the line.

left, the barcade is now on the right and you have to walk through it to get to the arcade. You can't go around it and down the hallway past all of the myriad of vintage posters that they had stuck on the wall. No, no, no. Guys, no! Oh, dang it! What's the problem? Dang it, I can't believe this.

Every day, I wake up, nauseated. I have to go to my shitty job. Yeah. And I go there, I slave away for 10 hours, barely doing anything. Yeah! And the fact that they ask me to do anything at all. is egregious. How dare they? What an abusive workplace! And I get done

and I go home and I don't even want to play video games anymore, man. I don't even I don't even like feel like I want to play video games anymore. Yeah. And then I stay up and I browse the internet for way too long. Yeah. And then I stay up and I think tonight's tonight I'm going to go to bed early. I'm going to change my life. Yeah. And then tomorrow's the day.

I'm going to put in that job application. And then I don't. And next day I know the sun is rising and I get like an hour of sleep and I have to go back to my job. And Friday night and Saturday night is the only thing that I have and and now it's changed. Yeah. I need, this was the one constant in my life, man.

You guys in the local cheese. I mean, Andy, we kind of bazooked the whole place last week. I mean, how are they not going to redecorate? Oh, yeah, last week was pretty fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's one thing that'll never change, Andy. The boys, my. Yeah, we're together.

And then, and then, I don't change. On Saturday, I'm going to convince you all, like, every week to spend $20 on a game. We'll all play for 15 minutes. They'll play for me. I know. I really got to stop doing that. I'm really running out. I can't.

I already got it. This week's game by. Listen, guys, I don't know what tonight's going to hold, especially with all the changes in the local cheese. But promise me, when we're 56, when we're 66, we're still going to be doing this, right? I'm absolutely. And he's the thing. Wait, we're time traveling back when I was 66. Oh, when you're 500 and 66.

You don't count. Gary. Oh. And you're 766. You'll be there still, right? How old about it? When the mysterious or? You all experience 100thorbs in life.

Gary, got a driver's license, man! The thing that's so strange is that it's a different life every time. It's 500 different years of life. Every time he looks at the orb, he gets prestige. Shaking it off, you hear a voice of, Whoa, the weird orb, dude. Do you guys want a table? And you look over. And next to the entrance is a kiosk.

And standing in front of there, as opposed to the normal sign that says, please seat yourself, is someone waiting to actually take you to a seated table. What the hell? What? Wait, I have hostesses down. We can't just go sit down in a normal booth?

No, we do assign tables now. Al-Sahn! What? Oh, God. Are you gonna give us a buzzer? No, no, no, no. What happens is when we get our pizza, we wanna move to a different booth?

We would just get up and do that before. No, you can't. I got like a whole thing here. Well, can you just assign us to our booth? Yeah, I'm going to see. How many is it going to be? It's four of us. Four of us.

Same as it's always been. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Same as it ever was. Welcome to the local cheese, where the cheese goes on forever. Oh, yeah. First of eat almost fine. Get the fuck out. You're not, stop, man.

You're not helping. You are walked with some menus to the first available. and... Oh, no, they're gonna give us the high table in the middle of the middle of the seven seats. Gary, come on! You sit down and you realize the booths aren't actually attached to the floor, so they scooting an awkward manner. Oh! You sit down...

What the fuck is this? Why do we like Gary walking first? Your waitress will be with you in a moment. Thanks for coming to the local cheese. Oh, man. You know, maybe this is a bad time to bring this up, but you're like, what, 400 and something like? When are you gonna die? I, you know, like, Andy, are you kidding?

I've been, now I'm like, fronted with my own mortality. I was worried about, if Gary dies, I might even have a Ford rent. Them moving the bars really sent you through some. I'm struggling, Galileo. I'm really struggling. Change isn't that bad, Andy. It's not good either.

It's not that bad. You're right, but it's not that bad. Don't worry about it, all right? Oh, how I'll die? I guess I should consult them. No, no, no more. No more, Gary. I can't take it, man.

Okay, look, if Gary dies, we have a futon that no one's sleeping on. Oh, that's true. We don't have... We don't have room for Kevin. Your emu... Listen, if Gary... Gary dies his last remaining wishes for me to take Gary the emu. Okay?

I'm not leaving Kevin Bonnie. Yeah. Well, I mean, we could probably make room in the, you know, in... Maybe in the... In the... Well, we always had that rule about pets. No pets that can't be buried at sea, you know? How?

Why can't even be buried a sea galo? No, I mean the toilet, man. Anyway, you ever had an emu die? No, in my mouth. What are you doing that? Suddenly you got a giant emu body in your apartment. That's a good point. Well, you know, emu's good eats.

I'm not going to eat you for heaven. Gary, what the hell, man? Isn't it your emu? I mean, technically. I bought it with money. Technically was an investment. When money. If it was investment, I thought that I was going to finally make it big on an emu farming and hurting a meat.

We should probably rule for idiosyncrasy. I was going to go to one of those millennial burger joints that have, they don't have appetizers, they have shareables, I don't have sandwiches, they have handhelds. And then I could say, oh, you know, you can make great ebu burgers. And then I realized in order to get more emuos, I needed to have more than one. And then I needed to know his ark that shit, and I forgot. Look, we're gonna smuggle Kevin in, all right? We'll find room form, just don't worry about it, all right? Don't think about death for the rest of the night.

You try not to. You all hear a voice and- It was a strange growth then. You turned- Claire, I gotta tell you about it. I have a growth on my prostate. Oh, well, that I don't get out of my prostate. How long have you had a growth on your prostate, man?

I'm just going to get my prostate jet for fun as usual. Gary, Gary! I'm sorry, then I can tell you this, my head. What the hell, Gary? What the hell? I'm sorry. It's probably nothing. They're biopsying it.

It's five. It's probably five. I don't think you can handle any more bad news tonight. Can we just stop talking about death, please? Yeah, can I get a beer? I mean, I come back or do you want it? No, no, we need beers. We need beers.

Oh, oh. Hi, my name is Crystal. Welcome to the local cheese. cheese flows, what do you guys want? Forever? I just want a beer. I just want a beer. What kind of beer you want?

I want the same thing I get every week. I want the, I want the local cheese classic beer. Oh, get you a classic. Oh, thank God they have. Just around. Just around the classics, ma'am. We get every week. We just want around a classic.

No respect with regular. No apps right now. Actually, we come here a lot. I don't know if you do this. I know that you're new here. So we're actually regulars. Okay. Is, uh, is, is, uh, is could Jeremy working?

tonight. Cajarmi, I don't think he's still with us. Oh. He still with us. Yeah. He, he died? No, he was fired. I know.

Oh, yeah, I heard from his wife about the bad news, so I was hoping that she was misinformed. Oh, poor Cogerman. Oh, Cajem. I can't believe. I mean, how many years? Oh, Jeremy waited on us. I mean, I think he's all, it feels like he's always been in. Oh, gosh.

All right. Just get us. around the beers. We're working through some stuff, okay? Yeah. Seems like an expectable establishment now. Do you have like chips and dip for the table? Crystal. Crystal, um, I have one more, one question for you.

Yeah. Don't you get us kicked out? Not this, not this, not this stage. It's too early. Not the orb. No more, no more inappropriate. Just ask your question. Don't ask her about mine goblins.

If I ordered a, uh, uh, nice. If I ordered a side of wings, so I get them half boneless and half bone in. I'll have to ask. Could I also get him like maybe like half, half a garlic par? And half mile? Do you want like like four, like a like a matrix of half wing, half bone,

garlic and any other? Wing matrices. You know wing matrices here? Well, I have to ask. You have to ask. You have to ask. They don't always do that. Why don't you ask?

One last question. What do you think happens when we die? So please. Just ignore that. Please ignore that. Just please. If hard minds would have to do. I think the answer changes depending on how you die.

No, please stop. And she walks away. I swear if I just, I just want a local cheese, local beer. That's all I want. That's all. Look, this is the last thing I'm going to say on death. All right? And then we're done, okay?

We know from last week that after Galileo drank the Catholic poison, he ascended to Catholic heaven. So we know the cap of heaven is at least real, right? So you're saying that it is completely dependent upon how you die. I'm a voice about the Catholics. No, I know you don't believe in it, but he literally, it literally happened to him. He got, you got gooched that to the hell. I got rock a good.

I'm not sure what I saw, Knuckles. I'm going to be straight with you, man. I don't know what I saw. Oh, I definitely saw Catholic. I think that may have been just like a mind prison hallucination as his brain shut off. I think it's just a void. I just got to say. I think it's just oblivious.

Moments later, the, um, the four tall glasses of beer on a tray arrive. Crystal returns. How many tokens is it per beer? It's two, I believe. Oh my God, I'm down to one. Oh, Andy. I would like, before she comes, I mean, it's compelled.

You're going to one token, brother. Yes, it's two per beer. I give two tokens for my beer. Galileo, thanks for getting me this beer, buddy. I didn't get to that, breath. Thanks. Here you go. Thank you.

Thank you. Here you go. Who has everybody to tip? Here you go. Thanks for coming. Gary, give her the two tokens, man. I've really had it up to here with you. We've only been here for 10 minutes. I gotta gotta get around in my bro. Did she just sneeze in my bear? She's already gone.

This is incredibly important follow-up question. Is she hot? Because that's entirely key to come up. If so, if so, it is already gone. She's got kind of a Janine Grofalo thing going on. You make your own decisions. What is Janine Grofalo? You don't know? You don't know Jeanine Garofalo?

Yeah, uh, thank God you didn't know because I know, but if you would like to show a picture so I can see it. We all know who Janine Garofalo is, right? Yeah, it's the time. Garofalo. She's like, well, she's the biggest comedian. I don't know. Mystery men.

Yeah, I can go on all that. Yeah, mystery men. I can go on all day. Hey, Zaria. I do know her. Ben Stiller? Anyway. All right.

Guys. We got to roll her. radio synchercies. Oh yeah. But also cheers. Cheers. Cheers. To the second beer of the night. To the first beer of the night. To the first beer. To the first beer. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, before we drink this, fuck. I just thought about this. They're making all these fucking changes to the local cheese. What? What? I bet you they're gonna be way more stripped on the fucking limit.

What? It's gonna be harder to get around a fat, maximum. Wait, as part of this whole, like, Reggie's a total push over. I'm just getting the vibe that they're gonna really lock down on this two beers thing. But shouldn't stomp us this time, huh? Well, it's only one. one beer. Well, but didn't they stomp you every time last time? Oh, that's a good question. I wonder if there's a new system.

Oh, no. Are they digitally tracking us? Oh, shit. Probably by a table. Look, look, look. We'll cross that bridge really get there. Got off the grid years ago. No, fuck it. It doesn't matter. We'll cross that bridge here there. Cheers. Cheers. Beer number two. Glug, glug, glug. Friday. And at the bottom of your, uh, beer glasses,

you realize that there are air tags floating around at the bottom. Oh, no. What the hell is this piece of plastic in my beer? Does the beer taste like a local cheese, local beer? It tastes exactly the same. Oh, thank you. You are thrilled to find that wherever they, the distributor is from. I was gonna crash out if they changed the beer.

No, no. Yeah, we was gonna crash out of home. The one. Familiar home. The one. Death, taxes, and local beer at the local cheese. That's right. The local classic is...

Inevitable. It's a classic and local as it could be. Okay. All right. What? What? P.F. Chang's last Friday. Oh, yum.

I got the Chang's northern-style spare ribs. Oh, I love those. I've been getting those fucking things. for unironically like 15, 20 years. I'm in the list, if not longer. And they changed the spice blend. No. They changed the rub.

No. What's with everybody changing? You know, nothing must be punishment. At least by high treatise. After all these years? After all these years. They change the spice blend? Why do we have to, why do people have to change?

I know. Oh! Pia Chang, you better answer to this. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com. slash Legends of Aventrous and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more.

Thank you. We should roll our radio. Don't the baby call up Mr. Machiatto! Everybody roll a D8 for me. Starting with you, she'll be with Galileo, D8. You're probably gonna have to re-roll, so just be aware.

If you heard P.F. Chang's, you're wrong. It's B.F. Chang's, the boyfriend Chang's. Yeah, eight. Eight. Eight. You have a problem with authority. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Two. You secretly crave the taste of Gack. Six. You guys do a wonder a... You're always just a little bit sleepy. And my inner secrecy is that I'm Andy. Yes. I am now faced with the crushing reality that my job sucks.

The world is changing. That's why you're all about 14 years. Is not the same as it was last week. You roll a nine. Now what, guys? I feel a little bit better that I've got a beer in me, but... I don't know. I just... Things feel off this week.

Well, now I got... two beaves in me because we pregame don't forget. That's right. I'm marked down two drink totals. Oh, that means I'm drunk, man. No, the next one. Oh, that's right. More than two times your toughness with a, with a minimum of two.

So once you get three, you'll be drunk. Unless your toughness is one. Why toughness is zero? Minimum two. So once you get to the third, that's when it activates. You have to get past the- past. More than two times your toughest bullets

with the minimum of two. Galway, we're gonna be feeling. We're gonna fucking do this. So, uh, yeah, guys. Ah, your hat got my eye, Gary. What do you, guys, what do you think happened to my bust the sword and my fire three material? I, I, you know, it was probably lost in the destruction

that we caused. Yeah, it's hard to sigh, I got exploded, so, and then resurrected at a certain point. They just kind of picked up and carried on from that. Gary, you're gonna get a little tired, man, what's going on, pep up, come. Have a few little. Well, can we get you like an energy trick?

I feel like I need a crack of vodka, red, though. I need a problem to this one part. I mean, Listen, Gary, twist my arm a little. I might get a vodka red bull with you, buddy. Come on, twist my arm. I know that's why we're both problems in the bartenders. I mean, how about a hold arm?

What do you think? I'm down. I'm off to get up to get down. You know, I think my sleep apnea machine is maybe on the fritz. I don't think I got to go back to sleep earlier. All I'm saying is that we had to be careful with those vodka red bulls because after a few of those, the alcohol problem becomes everybody's problem. Exactly right.

they make it feel like you got wangs. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. Crystal starts to walk by and then she catches your eye, Gary. And she runs up. She, oh, I forgot to say they don't do the Wings Matrix on Saturdays. Oh shit. I thought it was Friday.

Oh, but it's Friday. So they do the Wing Matrix. Do they do it on Friday? It's too busy on Fridays and Saturdays. They can't do it. They can't handle it. It's too much in the back. Okay.

Who's the, who's, if you don't mind me asking, who's the, who's the chef back there? Roll a D12 for me. Five. Tonight it's Kyle. I don't, guys, I don't think we know Kyle. Oh, doesn't sound familiar, right? Is he new? I think so, they've been making a lot of changes.

Even the cooks are new? Oh, the chefs? The chefs are new? No, no. A lot of the chefs are new. Oh, no. Oh, no. What happened to Cadouglas? He was fired, I said that.

You guys wanted another round. No, that was for Jeremy. Cadouglas. Was he fired, too? Does everyone's name starts for Kuh? I guess not anymore. I guess I'm Caristel. That's very funny.

It wasn't that funny. Because, I have a question. Yeah. Does the bread that come with the soup come on the side? Do you think we put the bread in the soup? Oh, it could be crunch onion. It's on the side, yeah. I'm not getting into the soup.

Do you want anything? Are you just going to sit here? I mean... Are you full of vodka Red Bulls, please? Yeah, I guess we'll take another round of drinks. For vodka red. I'm not having three tokens already. While after she gets our order and she goes away, I want to do something.

But I can hear that Gary's about to say something, so I stop them. Are you fried pickle chips, bread? I can check in the back. Yeah, I think you can check. I'll check. And then come right back. I'll be right back. I'll be right back.

Yeah, I'll be right back. Once she leaves, the first thing I immediately do is I begin to look around the bar to see what the clientele looks like to see if anybody's left any unintended drinks that we can steal. And what the vibe is of the bar compared to last week? Make a presence test. Sure. Oh, I got a natural fucking 20. Nice. First roll.

You see everything, you see it all. You look around at the clientele, you recognize the meatheads that you confronted a weekend seven days ago, and one of them is eating pizza and watching their hand regrow. Ah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Dr. Manhattan style. You look around, the clientele seems largely the same. Despite the changes, what you would expect of the arcade hasn't deterred any of the usual folks that you would see here on a Friday night.

There are older and younger groups, different clicks. You see in the very back that walking out of the restroom and back into the arcade room, you can see one of the goth girls that you recall from last Friday. Oh, yes, the goat. You see a group of... Kids in another, very young, kids in another booth with skateboards, all sort of like rolling their feet out as they eat very dangerously into the aisle. You also get a sense of, in terms of the drinks and everything,

the new staff, however they're enforcing the stamps, perhaps they've not been told, there are drinks just sitting out on the bar. they aren't as experienced and they don't have the keen eye of the usual staff that you're used to at least in terms of the front restaurant. Okay, all right, guys. I have an idea.

What? You know when I said that I think that the maximum was going to be extra overly enforced this week? Yeah, yeah. It might be the opposite. They might not be ready to enforce it at all.

Now, don't do anything yet, especially you, Gary. I don't know. Shh! Just, look over there, and I point to where all the drinks are lined up. I'm not beyond stealing from the local cheese. I prefer to steal for drinks that I've already been paid for. You know, we've got to support our local businesses.

But nobody's watching those drinks. Yeah, but, Annie, remember what happened last time? You tried to steal drinks? No. I turned into a monkey, and you fucking kill the guy with your sword. Well, look, like George Washington said, stay strapped or get clapped. Okay?

I don't go anywhere with you. my mouth, Katonik. He did say that. He didn't say that. You didn't say that you need a knife? I know, I always carry a pocket knife on me. That's good to be prepared. By EDC, here you go.

Oh, I don't need it. Oh, wait, oh. You know, I never listen to EDC. They don't know the record. Wait, I thought you could quite be this. No, I mean, if you need a knife. No, I mean, if you need a knife. Do you need a knife for something?

I thought you said you need a day. No, I didn't, no, I don't think I said that. Okay. Okay. Too real. Too real. That's happened. Moments later, Crystal arrives.

She's got a wide brown tray with vodka red bowls and she sets them all down. Wow, Gary, this is nice. The worst thing you've ever done. Oh, Crystal, did you help opening a beer? He's not a bottle. No, these are, no, no. Gary's really prepared. We have all the, we have the, right.

Do you know? Hey, everybody, look at this guy! He's got a Swiss army in that. Oh, this guy's ready for any situation. See, nobody can't. super cool. No, we fucking can. I thought you asked for it.

Oh, sorry, sorry, I thought you asked for it. Your friend here has a Molkata? Yeah. Yeah. Say, we don't care about the knife. Okay. It's the local cheese. Okay, I'm gonna let you know I'm a little sleepy. Anyway, I have a question.

She's got a ripple vodka. The pickles are breaded. Oh, dang it. I have a look for the bag. Um, hold on. Hold on. Oh, oh. Ooh.

Oh, soy glazed steak. What? It's the salmon, it's the salmon grass fed. Salmon at my local cheese? I don't know if it says it on the menu. If you guys in the back, it's the same news of grass fed. I really need to know if the salmon is a grass fed. I need you to make a presence test.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You're gonna add your presence to the D20 rule. Oh, I got a plus two to that. 20. Nice. With a 20? Yeah. I'll ask.

She turns and she walks. She set them all down. All right, guys. Who's paying for my extra one? I'll get this one, I'll get this one, Andy. I got this one. Well, you have these on it. I'll have two tokens left.

No, he stills. Make him pay his one token. He just won't. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, this is a lot. He's a lot.

He's a lot. He's a way to go. Chim-chipo. Oh. That's what I'm doing gipo, you asshole? I get you a free beer in the pocket. And you call me gimbo? So Gary's down to zero tokens and gal.

How much was the first drink worth? Two each. It was two for the first. Two for any drink. Okay. So you're just giving you're giving you're getting five at this point then. No, just three. What I spent two for the first drink, two for this drink.

Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. So I apologize. I'm out of tokens now, though. Guys, this is, we're out of money all right? Eddie, this has been a rough week. Yeah. It really has. We're gonna, now that we've got some red bull vodka,

because we're gonna be a real problem. Cheers. I think you were just saying there's more on the bar, though, Andy. I mean, I couldn't get many hours at the record store. Jesus. That's grim. Yeah, and so, I mean, I'm doing what I can, and, you know, Ma had spent so much on those wicked baskets,

so she didn't have much pocket change. Yeah, how's your mom doing? Oh, she's doing okay. Is her treatment go well? You know, Gary. I was so sad. We said we were going to talk about death, really. I appreciate that.

I'm thinking of my mom. Sorry, I'm just, but I'd rather not talk about it. Okay, we don't have to talk about it. If you don't mind. All right. The doc's going to decide what truth that I go on.

All right, everybody's had three drinks. I'm pretty sure everybody at this table is now drunk. Yes. Yes. That happens. Now you only roll on the table every other drink. Instead of every drink. So it would be every other drink.

So we need to roll for drunkenness. Is it a D20? Yeah. It is. Or we were rolling with us. Well, you're drunk, so now you have to see what the effect of the drunkenness is. Oh shit, okay. We're starting.

D20? Yep. Three. Three. In your drunken state, you lose D6 tokens and or D6 tickets. My choice. Hmm. I'm gonna say token.

say token. Oh, oh no. You're sloppy drunk? Oh, there are all my tugs. Oh my god. We're all broke. You hear a sound and it rolls underneath the booth and disappears. What was that? Do you hear that? What was that? I didn't hear any. Oh, weird, man. I'm just drinking. God, this is really fucking good. I mean, usually Red Bull takes like shit. I got a six. Put a little vodka in and it tastes great. You have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend, but, but, you have a girlfriend, but, But no, you cannot meet her because she goes to work in a different state. Not to that. Gary? I got a five. You got a five, you get the munchies. I don't know why she's not digging by order.

It's crazy. I also got a three. Did you guys roll three? Yeah. I rolled a three. Oh, shit. Well, that one is the, I mean, that one's reasonable. Yeah.

Up to the gym. Roll again. Yeah, let's mix it up. 14. 14. You start to feel hungover. The world no longer has any joy. Nothing's changed.

Man, Andy, you know, you're really bumming me out. It's Friday night, man. It's Friday not at the local cheese. There's normally your happiest moment. What's going on? I don't know. All of a sudden, it just, like, hit me like a ton of bricks and, like, I don't know.

It's like, I'm just catching up to me. I'm feeling like I'm a little hungover. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. No, I don't feel good, man. What's getting you down, dude? You just had too much last night? No, I-

It was Thursday, buddy. It was Thursday. It was Thursday. I didn't really get too messed up. You know, I'm wondering, I'm wondering if somebody might have slipped me something, if they drugged my 19 beers, four shots of vodka, six Yeager bombs,

and three high noons. Oh my God. You think somebody could have poisoned me? You think you was Kevin? From last night? Yeah, if somebody poisoned me? Oh. Oh shit, there's no way it was Kajerm, man.

What the fuck's a high moon? It's 2003. Oh, yeah. I knew. Oh, it's those cocktails. With jack and orange juice. Oh, my head is pounding. I'm also, they'll sleep here.

You hear another loud, obnoxious sound. Somebody yelling as they are walking through the restaurant. You all turn, and coming in from the entrance is a, um, A person with bright blue hair dyed and spiked in all directions. They're wearing an elaborately colorful outfit. And they have a gear pack that's attached to their waist. It's attached to a crane arm and you can see that there's clearly something almost like a GoPro

pointing right at them with a circle light that's hitting them with all of this bright light and they are starting to walk through the space. That's right, it's your boy, it's Friday night. We're checking out the local cheese. There's been all kinds of changes. Everything's looking amazing. This is the new restaurant area and they're like doing 360s.

They are screaming and everybody's paying attention to this loud of notch of guy. Look at this guy. It's your own supplies. He continues to make his way as he's screaming through and he walks past and into the arcade area just yelling about the stream that he's doing in order to share with all of his fans.

God, what a dick. I have a feeling, guys, I'm gonna say this in a way that is an admissible. court. I had a dream in Roblox. That guy probably isn't surviving the session. Before you can do anything about this obnoxious streamer or confront them or to even talk to them, they are already out the restaurant and into the arcade area. And you hear us, but you do hear a second voice. Bros. And you realize that the meatheads that you would confront it earlier have spotted you. and the one who's still regrowing his tiny disgusting hand

is... What the hell? Walks up. You guys were here last week, weren't you? Yeah. And I think he killed some of your fans. Every week, Mahan. Yeah, you guys killed us all real good. Yeah, we grew down. You made me think about my life and really reflect. Yeah, I mean, the void really will change you, huh?

It did, it did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you realize that there's really nothing waiting for us after we shed our mortal coil? I wanted to thank you guys for. for making me confront the bully nature. Then there's really nothing left for us. No, no, that's not.

You gotta seize the good times when it comes, you know. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Say all I be and all that, you know. So are you gonna give us a gift or something? I'm glad we get help, man. Are you gonna finish that? Are you gonna finish that beer, that pizza that you have with you?

Oh. No, I'm not gonna finish it. You want it? Oh, yeah, thanks, thanks. He hands you a beer. Oh, baby. Anyways, I just wanted to come by and say, no hard feelings and I hope you enjoy the games tonight, all right? Enjoy the games tonight, okay. So no, no, no, no, no fighting, you're not going to be like a bully and beat yourself later.

You're a full bully? No, I'm... We don't need to use, like, defarious or morally questionable time travel to mind break you to be subservient towards us. No, no, no, you guys, you guys stabbed me to death and I exploded into coins. I don't know what else to say. Good, good, good. I want to remind you that like even though that's a Malkatana, it's got like Hitori Hanzo level steel and does like 8,000 damage for slice. I know. Yeah, you didn't stand a chance, man. You wouldn't set a chance now.

So as long as we're cool. We're cool. We'll see you guys around. I'll see you guys around. All right. Okay. See you chat. Goodbye, Joe.

Whoever you are. See you chat. I get to be honest to you guys. I'm glad that they weren't here to pick a fight because I'm not in top form right now. Oh, I was dreaded to nut punch him. You ready to nut punch him? Oh, yeah. Why don't you drink some more your red bull?

Oh, Chad, Chad. And you'll feel fine. The only way through this is up. Another beer or two ought to take the edge off, right? I think you just need another drink, man. Yeah, get another drink. Sorry, I should have let you have Chet's beer. Chat, chat. I forgot to answer your question.

What's up? Did you need that knife? Did you need the... Oh, you got a pocket knife? Did you need open... Do you know? No! I thought you said, Kiri.

I don't even open something with a knife. Are you sure? Does it got the little like a toothpick? Do you get the little toothpick that you can say? It does. It does. You know it. You know it. All right, cool. You stay there. No, okay. I just thought you said you need this.

No, I know, I know. I'm good. Okay. It's done it. Stay shut. Thanks for the beer, shit. And you still find yourselves in the sliding booths of the new local cheese restaurant at the front of the arcade. Let's take a Christmas alone. I got a good bunchies. I got a, I gotta get more tokens

or I got to swipe up here because I'm running low. Why don't we hit the bar top, man? Nobody's looking. It's all laid out. Well, it's a little bit of backwash, mother's friend. Let's just get.

What Andy's by with a natural 20 was actually a tray of fresh beers waiting for someone to pick it up. These are not beers that were left aside. No one's turned away from them. A person poured them, put them on the action, bar top and then a waitress does never pick them up. Okay, I vote that co-named James Pond goes and swipes out account of him being in Asia. Oh yeah, gal. I

fucking dare you to go swipe those and I dare you to go be a real ninja with steel a very easy way. Just all I can fucking own the place. All these things you're saying are exactly how you give me to do this. I was sold on James Pond but then you said that I would it and then you said you dared me and so now I'm gonna go do it. Listen, Galileo, I gotta tell you this is the most important thing that could possibly happen tonight. You gotta do this. Yeah, no, I will. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck it up.

Go ninja, go! Little jockey! Give him a shell of a time. All right, guys, I'll be right back. We're gonna wait here. With a tray full of drinks. You walk over and you know that you do not look like the waitstaff. You are going to need to pick it up with a level of confidence

and stealth to get away with grabbing this tray or grabbing the drinks and bringing them back over to your friend. So I need you to make, what's the word I'm going to use here? No, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a presence. It's going to be how cool he can pull this off. Oh, I think it's agility? He's acting with confidence. He's putting on a show. How acrobatically I can pull it on. There might be an acrobatically.

How athletically I can pull it on. The best thought about confidence. It's gonna be a normal test. It's gonna be a normal test. The VR is 12. And I roll a D20? Exactly right. And you add your presence or subtract it. Can I twist at this point? Our twists are tokens. I turned our twists into tokens. Oh, they're all gone.

No! You spend every last one, Gil. Okay, well, I still, I commit. I hold true to my action. Yeah. And I attempt to steal the drinks. What do you get? I got a nine. You got a nine. And I have no presents. You feel confident. You feel like you can grab. this tray and as soon as you pull us on you turn and you start to make your way back

all of you have eyes on Galileo and you're giving him the thumbs up when you hear a voice from across the restaurant hey I thought I banned you guys last week and that's where we'll take a quick brain dang it Reggie fucking Reggie oh god well I mean fellas here's the thing hey you all hear the sound I forget I totally thank you for the reminder. Oh my God, Reggie! You all look and you see the familiar face of Reginald Squeakley, the manager.

He is a very short individual. He's got large bottle cap glasses. His hair is slicked back. He's got a token dispenser on one belt and a pair of suspenders over his shoulders. And he's staring right at you, Galileo. I thought I banned you last week. I fuck you. He's taking it back.

Fuck you, Reggie, you piece of shit, You're stealing beers! No, you don't bet! I'm the manager! What do you mean? You have no power here? Oh no. You have no fucking power here, Reggie!

You don't even like your job! You don't think I have any power! He snaps his fingers like this and all of a sudden, almost like magic. Like this, the two massive uh... massive security bouncers at the front of the entrance are standing at his side, red shirt and yellow shirt, and they're both pounding their fists into their hands looking at you. You're going to get kicked out again. I'm banning you right this second. You're out of here! You can't do that! Could I have tried to roller skate past the big bouncers? Are they between us and them? I'm just trying to say, I took off quick and I'm on rollerblades. What are you endeavoring to do?

I am endeavoring to get to Reggie. Oh, boy, quickly. I don't think that you'd be able to get between Reginald and the bouncers. They arrive immediately at his side, almost as if teleported. There were even a cool trail effect when they arrive. Oh, there is a side. They're not in front of them. No, no, no. They're on either side of him. I am rocketing between Reggie's legs.

Yeah. And I'll give a bit of a nutmeg. Okay, okay. The second I see him coming, my hammer would go to the, my hand would go to my help. You jump. I'm going to need you to make a... I wish everyone was not screaming, right? The boys!

I'm going to need you to make a really hard DR 16. You don't have to tell us the DR. I'm going to make it 16. For what? To see if you are able to get to him in time. Oh, what's that? Agility maybe? Uh, yeah.

Well, shit's my plus zero. Should have been presents. With a three. With a three. Boys, get this guy, and they're his friends right out of here. He, uh, fires a... I guess we got to kill guys.

He fires a grappling hook into the air. What? And before, as we're sliding forward, he is, he is, uh, connects to the ceiling and disappears through one of the... Fuck you, Reggie, that wasn't corn on, you little bitch. Through one of the ceiling panels. And you are staring at two very angry bouncers. I need everyone to roll for initiative.

Oh, that's what you go. Oh no. Oh, no. Okay, it's D6 plus your agility. Oh, six. Oh, six. Six plus your agility. Shit.

And, uh, Rules Master, do I do the same? Or is it always monsters last? No, you do the same. Three. Five. I also got a five. Would you have to go before me? Um, probably makes sense.

Probably makes sense in this scenario. Yeah. I'm technically drawn... I'm already drawn down. I feel hungover. I'm already drawn down. I got a tray of in one hand and my revolver and the other. You got a five also.

So I would say that you're actually gonna go first because you're the one who immediately rolling. I'm rocking towards them. That's fair. That's very fair. I need some battle music. Uh, yeah. I mean, I do lie you out of bar.

I'm gonna switch over to Carl because. I think they're gonna start the limbo soon. They, they are, they are. It's that one limbo song. How low can you go? That they always play. You gotta protect the, you gotta protect the goods, Galileo.

Don't sacrifice those. No, I won't. I'm as steady as a rock. That's all I get it. That's very funny. I got a Jimbo. His name's Knuckles, man. Oh, Knuckles. We have Knuckles, Andy, Gary, from Galileo. I would say that you were about here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm really, yeah, I'm really, yeah, and that's where you were shouting across the area.

Yeah, I was shouting across the bar. The second I saw Reggie, I knew he was a little bitch. You've made an enemy for life. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Um, all right. Top of the round, Gary, you are flying forward, and your, uh, Quarry, the manager disappears through the ceiling.

You're not able to, uh, get to him in time, but you are flying towards these brutal bruiser's. I'm, I'm, being out of count of being small, I, I'm in, I'm in sport mode. I put my sunglasses down. Oh, shit. We're in the wrong. Oh my god, sorry. Holy shit. And I rocket in between, I think probably big red over here.

Oh, wait, no, my friends are here. I'm going to go to the yellow one over here. And I'm going to try to go between his legs, and get him the old net punch. Okay. Whoops, sorry. And if I can, maybe, I mean, I do have a little pocket knife. If I could maybe try to nick his femoral artery with his groin

so that he bleeds out very quickly. It is not a weapon. Remember that. I know. I know. I would enhance my fist of fury. Anyway, I would roll an attack. You take out the pocket knife and you pull up the tiny little scissors and you go in for the nut punch. I'm going to do my fist of fury attack. Yep. Which is strength, I believe. Yep. Maly's all strength. Oh, shucks. It's always bad as one. Are you kidding me? Come on. Oh, killed it. 17. Absolutely killed it.

17. You hit. Roll for damage. And are they exploding D-4s? Only if you're drunk. Yes. As they are. Yep. Okay, three. Five points of damage. Well, so you also have plus one to damage dealt. Plus all of your drinks.

Oh, so each one is plus plus. Oh, every drink? Yeah. So, hold on. So I have four because I got the- He stole a beer from Chet. He stole a beer from Chet. Oh, shit. So you have plus four. So I had five.

Nine points of damage. Nine points of damage. Hey, I'm a little sleepy down. You smack him like this and your arm almost brachets off of, the um the tough exterior of this bouncer even though he goes down he looks down at you um he's hurt but uh not as hurt as you would have liked oh do anything else with your turn oh i think that's all i can do right i think if i could go through his legs and go behind him i don't know if that's part of if is that a

maneuver that is allowed uh here's pretty small he's on rollerblades uh yeah you know what i'm gonna allow it because you're a puppet. Shit. I'm giving you essentially a half one. I was here, a half one, two, three, four, five, six. Okay, yeah, I'm that slide through. Do I need to roll for it or anything? No, I'm just gonna give that to you.

And I slide through and I do a cool, uh, Akira slide, but it's flipped on rollerblades. Um, you start to spin back around, Galileo, you're up. Uh, you got a nice run, nameless guns. Boom! And I'm fire my nerf. You can only do one thing, right? right? Moving an attack. Move an attack. Move an action.

I'm gonna do, Territ. I'm gonna do, Jared. I'm gonna YouTube and search League BitRush and just put on a looping, you know. Oh, I'll also tell, oh, I don't have my music. I think Arcade 2017 is a perfect battle. The Arcade 2017. Leighette.

Yeah, so that's. I'm just gonna do BitRush. There's Arcade 2017 is Arcade 2019, and one of them is like straight up 8 bit. And I think it's 2017. BitRush login screen animation theme in one hour? That's the one. I think they should be good.

Oh, yeah. There you go. Now I feel like I'm fighting. Yeah, here we go. Okay. Um, I still roll with D20, right? Yeah, you had your presence for melee, or for range. Sorry.

Oh, uh. You're a little drunk. Oh. The Dirt dark veers off. It veers off. It does one of these things where the tail spins and it just flop off. Oh, there's like a wind factor in here, I think. Uh, do you move at all?

Oh, it's those industrial fans they installed. Oh, god. Stupid industrial fans. The mere store you had was missing a fin. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll move here. I'll just move, like, closer my party, but... Andy, you're up. Um, I look to Knuckles and I say,

Oh, man, I wasn't ready for this. I gotta shake this hangover. You wanna hit you with one of those pocket piers? You know what, Andy? Because you're feeling so down and, you know, existential all the time, you fucking go. Thanks. You deserve it. You've burned it. You can tell me if that takes my full action or if it takes a We agreed about rapid quaffing. You can drink a beer and still enjoy your action. I'm hoping that it starts to make me feel better. I

I stand up as I draw my mall katana with one hand and with it kind of behind my back, almost dragging along the floor of the local cheese. I charge the guy on the right to To go shoulder to shoulder with my roommate Gary as I make a melee attack against the bouncing the red bouncer on the right. Ooh, that's gonna be a brutal miss. I'm still not feeling very well, and as the, as I bring the katana up from the ground, I accidentally hit it against one of the booths next to me, and it causes me to, like, miss,

and I just wildly swing over this guy. He does one of these real cool, and then he swings on back, and he's looking at you very angrily. I sway, and I put both hands on my katana, and I try to ready up for what's about to go. These are the bouncers of the local cheese, and they look like serious bits. The yellow shirted bouncer turns and immediately goes after Gary's stomping forward

You'll never get to me. Oh, you caught me! Furious from the ball punch. And they are going to attempt to suplex you. He attempts to grab you, I need you to dodge. So you're gonna roll a D20 and add your agility to see what you get. Oh no, holy! Nice.

19. He swipes down. down but your roller blade cool style Akira slide is just enough to for him to grasp nothing but air and you are able to dodge this terrible move. At the same time the at the same time the red shirt and bouncer looks at you Andy and he's like you're going you're going down son and he starts to punch forward I need you to make a dodge My agility is plus two, thank God. I got a dirty 20.

A dirty 20. You are able to dodge out of the way without much issue. Oh, like drunken master accidentally. And step out of the way. Stumble it. I do need you to make a strength or agility test in addition. Me? Yes.

Oh, I'm choosing agility for sure if I get to choose between the suit. I only got an eight. An eight. You dodge the initial attack, but you don't see his left hand come up. And he grabs you by the shirt. And you are now grappling. Oh, fuck. You fail.

Guys, a little help! You cannot move or attack, but you may repeat that save at the end of your turn. Shit. Knuckles, you're up. He's got me a bear hug. Do we do one and a half for a diagonals or we just do one square? I always like one and a half diagonals. Okay.

I have six feet. You should, yeah, you have six squares. You should be able to get here. I mean, I don't, you're not penalized because you start a deeper. You're fine. Oh, no, hold on, guys. I'm like bear hug. Give me a second.

Knuckles, help me, man. Help me. His boots are sliding. They don't bolted to the floor. Just give me, hold on, I'm coming. I'm coming. All right. Oh, Annie had the right idea.

I take, uh, I open up one of my, like, deepest secret cargo pockets. Oh, yeah. And there's a zipper inside. And I'm going to unzip the secret pocket and pull out the final beer. I was like, it's the final beer. I'm coming, Andy. Just give me a second. Hold on.

And I open up a mirror pocket. And I take out a knuckle duster. And I put it on. Hold on, just one minute! I go and I reach in another cargo pocket. And I pull out my final knuckle duster and I pull it out. Alright, I'm coming. This takes three turns.

I'm gonna party once I set up here. And I just fucking glee in with a punch. Hisier to run. He's, no. Add your strength? A six. Oh, yeah. When I roll out.

You roll in. You go in for a kidney punch and you hit. hit. And all you, the bouncer barely even acknowledges that he turns to, you're next. Oh. Top of the round, Gary, you're up. I think I just got to go right back under the legs.

Keeping up punching? Just keep on nut punching. Oh gosh, I got to remember the hit film, the Empire Strike back. I'm a snow speeder against Imperial Walker. Red leader going in.

Speed bag and come on. That's very funny. No. Got a Old strength. Oh, is that a nine? There's a nine. Ah, shit.

And nine, you fly forward, but you are thinking too much about the Empire Strikes Back. And you're like, oh, but don't I need like a tether or something? And by the time the bridge of his legs go past you, you've missed your opportunity. Do you want to move action through? Can I move through him again? Yeah. I'm just giving that to you. I think it's fun.

So if I was here, then one, two, three, four, five, six. You want to get all the, yeah, get out of danger. I like that. I'm just going back and forth. I like that. Galileo. I'm going to move, um, one, two, three, four, five. And I'd like to place the tray of beers and I stole down. That's why you missed. You still have a tray of beers. And I place it down and I'd like to, I'd like to pick one.

on up and just crush it. You crush it. You crush it. Mark off a beer. Oh. Remember it'll be your sixth beer that you'll have to roll on the table again. Okay. I'm at four. This brings me out to four.

I'm four. I'm sorry, fifth beer. One, two, three, four. Yeah, the fifth beer. Okay, okay. The fifth beer. And I level my Nerf gone and between the odds.

Which one is shooting? Oh, I'm not, I'm not target this guy on there. Don't hit me! Don't hit me, Galilei! I put him down and you're talking about Bert I don't have a problem with you guys just with authority. Yeah, fuck him! Uh, and I'll roll a shoot in the fucking face.

God. Five. Five? Not enough. It goes wine. We gotta heat up. We gotta heat up. We gotta heat up, guys. Uh, Andy, you're up. Um, I can do nothing, but repeat the save at the end of my turn. That's correct. I'm gonna attempt to use agility here. Ten.

Ten. That is just enough. Oh, wow. I managed to... Riggle, well, it's the DC for the grapple. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I don't know what their DR to hit is. I basically wriggle and I slide out of his grip and I just land at his feet and I turn around ready to go

and that's my whole turn. That's your whole turn. He looks at you, you're going down. But these are bouncers and I'm going to need you to have red shirt, jump, leap up the air and effectively do an aerial cartwheel as he flips around and lands behind Galileo. Oh shit.

No, here, here. Sorry. Exactly correct. And the other one does the exact same thing landing behind Gary, going in for another attack. It's like the bouncing from PlayStation 2. Oh, no! I'm gonna set in the trapeze, guys. I need to dodge. Go ahead and roll a D20 and add your agility for me.

Oh, what? Gary and Gallo, D20 out of agility. Natural 20. Well done. Oh, that's a crit. Oh, if this is counterattack in a moment. So you get a counterattack. Bigot-up!

No punches! Deadpunch-y-hurt! You free Willy up with your knife... Yeah. It's just like South Pilgrim. Natural two! Natural two! That's rough.

I'm going to roll some damage now. You have some armor though, so go ahead and roll that to real. I have a D2. So it was all I roll is the D2. Yeah. That's two. You reduced seven damage down to six damage. And he picks you back up.

Nope. This one. Oh, my apology. He picks you up and suplexes you on the other square. That's a lot of damage. And you slam into your shoulders, into your neck, the massive weight of this guy crushing you against the hard, non-in-lion pile floor of this new restaurant. And the breath is knocked out of you.

You take a ton of damage. The counter-attack. Counter-attack times. So he hit a 90-20 on the counter-attack. Oh, my Lord. So you'll double the dice you roll, which should be 4-4. And then you'll add the drummed.

damage and this guy yeah they all it's an eight yep so hold on so he just got eight oh he's gonna one shot this guy so I'm just gonna I explode these two again yes you're still on 4d4 so then that's a three that's 11 this is your 10 line and now he's got two D4s left now two D4s left until they expect yep yep yeah another five 16 and then plus my beer 20 points of damage and if he's still and if he's still alive his damage his armor's reduced by one tier. Um... And this is all directly to the knots.

Yeah. So, just for context. He's just speedbagging him. Yeah. And he might have clip the gooch a little bit too. Yeah. I think you just gave that guy who sex. You didn't need that by the thing, man. I am so impressed that I am not going to roll the armor. I'm going to just give it to you. You open this guy up like a fucking wampa.

All of a sudden, uh... With his fists? I'm gonna say he... Is there you? The scissors? of his small pocket night. You reach up and you manage to catch his femoral arty and just tear apart this guy.

He disappears and turns into a pile of gore. Always be where the guy to fistblings who brings a knife. It's like, always carry a knife. It's like when you hit a monster in Doom with the rocket launcher. He just turns into Gibbs and Gore and slides against the floor. Jesus. Killing the bouncer instantly, no! The other bouncer screams.

That is the conclusion of the monster turn. Knuckles, you are up. Oh, I turned that guy in a Gellian drawer. No one will know that reference, but... Demi, Dickie Goons. Oh, we got Reginald. We got Reginald. We got Reginald.

We got Reggie here. Oh, God, that's funny. That's the conclusion of their turn, Knuckles, you're up. Already? That was their turn. That was their turn. He was taking a counter attack.

So it's Meckles turn. Oh, my God. Because he got in that 20 of the defense. That's right. Oh my god, I'm gonna I'm gonna up behind him And there's a tray of beers right here There's a trip, you know what, gal you got it

You got a fucking good idea. Let me just That's five. There are two beers remaining on that tray So you'll roll on the D20 table. 14 14. 14. It's what I got That hits? Yeah, no that's a D20 That's it's just for rolling the D20. Yeah because he hit five beers. Oh, I see. Well moment. Let me look it up. I wish that was my two attack one. You can make him

re-roll if you want. That's the one that I got the hangover one. Oh. Uh, six. Uh, you still have a girlfriend and uh, oh, you got that one, yeah. 15. Now you can only speak like the hero of time. Okay, let me just write it down so much. I don't know how I would do that. I don't know about Egypt. I don't know how I would do that. I don't know if you know this about me. I don't know. Oh, I'm also a little sweetly. I can sleep by for you too, man. You just nut punch that guy in oblivion. Man, you know, Piffin's never gonna believe this. I'm not to cut it. Yeah!

Oh! What you get? 17. Yes! 15 hit! Roll for damage. It's D4? Yep.

Three plus my strength? No, no, no. You just roll your damage, but you add all your drink totals to it. Oh. So still plus five, so eight. Eight. Eight. And I reduced that by his armor that I rolled, so that's going to be that amount. And so as soon as you land this, you hit him, and he starts blinking.

His entire body starts flashing yellow and red. Oh, I'm fine. And I start straight through left and right. And so I'm going to literally scrape around him to the back next to Galileo. He's hurting. You can tell. You can tell that he is at half damage or lower because like all good God, that is spot on.

He is now at half, he's blinking yellow and red like in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtons for time. Gary, you're up. Turtles of Time. Turtle of Time. Thank you. I'm about to go sewer surfing. Oh gosh, I'm covered in Gellian George. I want to get that reference?

I'm gonna rollerblade around. I'm gonna swipe the last remaining or one of the remaining Biers off of this booth right here that's open. Yeah? There's one beer remaining. Oh, that pose me a five. And you'll have to roll on the D20 table. Yep, roll a D20. Roll D20.

Oh, a three. I don't know if we got that one already. They got twice in a row. Uh, roll again. They roll the three twice a... These love to be cocked, man. Yeah. Another three.

Roll again? Fourteen. We already got that one. We got 14. We're rolling all the same numbers. Two. Two. Two.

You finish this beer and you swallow the air tag and you no longer want to drink beer anymore I think I either got the Garcia effect or I become a friend of Bill Oh geez I need to go to a meeting Anyway a little bit of a little bit of a deep cut humor Anyway, I would have murdered this guy right It's an A-A joke. Yeah.

I am going to make an attack roll as I slide underneath him and punch his nuts. You do that. Ufta. That is an eight. That is not enough. Unfortunately, you're too distracted by your sudden revelation to make a good effective attack. Galileo, you're up. I take another shot with the old...

Actually, I'm... I'm yon-jant into the ground. Yeah, you get pulverized. Uh... Oh, no. Uh, fire off another shot with the old, uh... Let's see if this one goes wide. Come on. That looks good for me.

Oh, this is a natural one. Yikes. Oh, my Lord. A natural one means information happens. Uh, you... Information happens? It's a fumble. So your weapon either breaks, you lose it.

Oh. We haven't fumbled yet, have we? No, I don't think so. Oh. Oh, fuck. GM discretion, basically. Uh, you reach for your gun and you realize, you're doing this with your hand. You don't have your Nerf gun anymore. You must have slid under one of the boots or something. It's gone.

Oh, fuck. I'm drunker than I thought. Oh shit. I dropped the gone. Would you like to move anymore? No, I'm pretty comfortable. Yeah. Andy, you're up. Having been dropped by this guy after almost being crushed to death, I'll be like, ah, God, my ribs. And I'll move forward and say, uh, don't worry, I'm coming Galileo. And I'm going to try to do like a nasty up swing with the the mall katana. Eight. Eight? Not enough.

We can't roll eight to nine? Can I say that I rapid quaffed and drank my go-gurt? I'm sorry. Absolutely. Just on my- Absolutely. Just, oh, I rolled a four. You tear off the plastic top, you squeeze the turkey dinner down your throat.

I'm still just hung over. Okay. You gotta get the work of the tongue in that. Yeah, there you go, there we go, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still just hung over and I just can't seem to get it together. I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't want to fight. No.

And I can't seem to zero in on my target. I'm a little drunk. The bouncer bounces and he jumps, once again, this time behind you, Andy, towards the bar, towards me. He jumps here and he is going to attempt to grab you from behind and suplex you as well. Yeah. See if you can get out of the way in time. Agility? Yep.

21. Yeah, you're fine. Just my tax are bad. I'm able to get out of the way with my tax you can be right. You're fine. Yeah, I haven't rolled above a four, I don't think. This is a bouncer, and he's paid very well for his services. He is not backing down, and he continues to look like he's hungry for the rest of the fight, even though he is outnumbered. Knuckles, you are up. Knuckles. That's you, Richie.

Oh, I'm Knuckles. I was thinking it was Gary's turn. Um, so seeing that he just... did that jump, my camera does this violently. And I basically sidestep dash to behind him. You're locking onto him, obviously. Yeah, of course, of course. You can backflips, too.

You can just like do the backflips. And I attack him. With my knuckle dusters, just my fifth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please hit him. 19. Nice. Oh, nice.

Oh, no, D4. You know what, that would have exploded last time, I forgot. Remember that I had a demolition expert. Oh, that's right. You have demo expert. Yeah, so it explodes on three, zan, fours. That's right. Two plus five is eight. Eight.

Damage. Okay, he starts blinking more and more rapidly. He's still holding on, but you can tell that he is close to the edge of death. You do not defeat him, however. That gives us to the top of the ground. Gary, you're up. Get him, Gary. I may not feel like drinking beer, Mr. Batson.

But I've consulted the mistake. mysterious orb today and I have seen the void. You do not fear me. Cool roller blade attack. Another nine. Oh, I keep rolling tens. Damn. Dalaio, you are weaponless. You're on the ground. There's a ton of turkey dinner gogert all over your face. What the fuck?

Oh, my favorite flower. Your gun is nowhere to be fun. What do you do? I may be missing one gone. Well, you're missing one frond. Oh, that's pretty bad. Take some dark temptation X-L. And I take on my axe body spray. And I just hit him with the dark temptation XL body spray right in his face. Dark temptation, that's powerful.

And wherever you would like to decide that that does. It says that it does nothing. You need to make an attack roll. I'm going to have you roll your... Oh, God. Oh, God. Agility maybe? I think agility.

Even though that's not an attack roll weapon, I'm making an improvisation choice here because it feels like your dexterity is how you're gonna get that in. Natural 20. Oh, baby. Natural 20. So whatever the dice is, he'll roll twice. Twice the main dice. As an improvised weapon, I'm gonna say it's D4, so 2D4. And you explode on force.

Okay. Five with an explosion. Come on. Nice. 9. Explosion. Oh, this guy's test. 10. 10 plus 4, 14. Dark temptation xL axe body spray damage right to his eyes.

If this does, if this does, because that's the scent, Andrew. If this does something dangerous, I would like to melt his eyes out of his head with X body spray. You rolled 14 damage. I rolled maximum armor reduction for him. Oh shit. Which brings it down to a 10 and he had four hit points. How do you want to do this? I'm gonna melt his eye? It's like, you know, he's like a Goliath. He's up here and I'm down here.

And I just, he looks down and I hit him with the axe body spray. And this waff of dark cloud just arises up into his eyes and his eyes just and they're burning and then they just melt out of his head. You are at the perfect angle. It is because you are on your back that you were able to get underneath his sunglasses

and you spray and like a laser beam this starts to hit him and all of a sudden his face melts like the Nazi from Indiana Jones and his face melts and all of a sudden this bouncer fall backwards and blinks out of existence disappearing like a video game character

and that's scroller uh beat him up what was that galilela oh gosh that was dark temptation axel acts body spray it's burning my lights oh yeah don't No, don't blink.

Oh, just close them. Just close them. I put my Molkatao away. Oh, guys, I'm sorry. What advertising made you buy that? You know, it was the, uh, I mean, it was a crazy company. You know, that's not a replacement for a shower. What do you mind?

That's what they say on the kind. Is it, you know what I mean? Andy, are you okay? Are you just a little down? Something's off, guys. You're not really performing. No, I might be washed up. Do you perform its anxiety?

I might be just too old. for this guys. Do you think? Ha! Oh. What? In this moment, as soon as he disappears, you feel your status effects fade.

Oh, thank God. Your idiosyncrasies remain, but your status affects, the things that you got from drinking, all are removed. So all of a sudden, you still are sleepy, for example, Gary, but the surge of desiring a beer.

Oh, I'm feeling like beer again. everybody, let's go, Peter Clock. And in this moment of silence and heaving breath and the adrenaline starting to fade from your body, you hear a voice from behind you, it's Crystal. Yeah, so the salmon is... Oh no, what did you guys do? Oh, Crystal, Crystal, Crystal.

I meant to ask, on your salad menu, you have the key, fine kale salmon. Is that locally sourced? Did you just kill the bouncers? Oh yeah, but I'm feeling like that. I'm feeling hungry. I really want my salad. That's so violent.

You shouldn't have done that. Without security and the local cheese. They go into lockdown. What? And all of a sudden, the lights turn red, bathing the entire restaurant space in this nightmare blood color. The windows, kast-t-t-t-t-h-h-h.

Well, that's new. We're locked in here. And that's where we'll end tonight's stuff. Oh! If we do anything else, we gotta roll for, if they drop tokens and tickets. Do we get any tokens of this? Oh, yeah, they drop stuff?

They're bouncer. You do not get any tokens. Oh, bullshit. Oh. Oh. It's like video. It's like killing city. Thanks for running the session, Derek.

Yeah, I think the guards, like, you go to like or go to the guards. That's true. Yeah, you don't get on her? Oh, man, we're in trouble. God, that's fun. I love us. They changed the security of the local cheese.

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