Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 4 | Quadruple Dragon

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

The final episode of the Local Cheese mini-adventure!   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/kB7BQudBI5M?si=5t-cdnUOdKZez9rf

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. Are you dangerously unintended adult with unprocessed trauma and pockets full of cash? Then get lost. On purpose! At the local cheese. Everybody do backflips into a ball pit full of soda cans. We've got pizza. We've got taxidermy games. We've got authentic scripted events with beings that can't leave. Everyone run from the living vending machine.

Oh! And the local cheese is going corporate. New attractions, new mystery sauces, every item deep fried and pure unfiltered bathroom grease. And as many beers as you can consume before the staff takes notice, that number is still two. Everyone arm wrestles animatronics. Somebody throws up.

Where the walls are wet, the rules are loaded and every night is an escape room with no exit. Cheese, cheese we obey, please, oh please don't make us stay. The local cheese is not liable for echo duplicates, meat sweat hallucinations, marriage or participation in the lottery tithe. Nightlock may engage without warning at any moment. All events are legally dreams. Well done. That was great. That was your best one yet. Before we dive in, we have a new character at the table that we need to roll and generate and create.

Oh my God. So we'll go through the character creation process before we dive into the what happened last time at the local chief. So why don't we start by you introducing the name of your character and maybe a little bit what you look like? Okay, so my character's name is Tiffany. She's about 12 inches tall. Plastic. You can't break her knees. She's a whole footer. Yikes.

Oh, you and Gary are going to get wrong really well, Tiffany. Yikes. Life is fantastic when you're made of plastic. She has a crazy blonde hair, loves pink, loves to shop, and have a good time. Awesome. Welcome, Tiffany. Thank you.

So the way this is going to work is you're going to need three D-6s. Okay. I have one. Hold on. I can give you two more or we can just have a whole of them. I got a bag. I got a bag. We're going to start at the top with your strength and you are going to just roll 3D6 and tell me what you get.

And I'm going to tell you what you're going to write down that number and I'll tell you what the modifier is right down as well. Yep, you just go right from top to bottom. Okay, so wait, what am I doing again? You add up those three numbers. Okay. Tell me what you got. 11. So you'll write that down in your strength box and then for 11 you get plus zero as your modifier.

Very similar to fifth edition and dragons. I think that that's fair for my strength modders. Now you'll roll your agility. Nine. That is also a plus zero. I would say that's also very accurate. Now you'll roll your presence. 11.

That is also a plus zero. Now you'll roll your toughness. Here we go. That's a plus zero. That's a plus here. And then lastly, you're going to roll your manner. What? Which astute listeners will know that that was not a thing last time.

15. That's very important. You get a plus two to your mana. That's going to be very important. Great. Now what I need you to do is you're going to start by rolling. You have to determine, we're going to determine what your storage container is, what you use to store things on your person.

So I'm going to use your roll 1D6. Okay. I'm really, really hoping for a three. Two. Oh, fuck. No, I'm kidding. I'm gonna roll the oven, but now it would have been two either way.

Instead of repeating, I'm gonna say that it is going to have the amount of item container, but you can choose the nature of the bag or purse that your Barbie person has on you. It'll carry four normal sized items. Is fanny pack available? That is actually the written item in the rules. Fantastic. Fanny pack. Done.

Done. I'll put that under my equipment. Yes, you'll write that under equipment. You can write FanniePack, you know, dash, four items, give or take. The next thing you're gonna do is take 1D12, and you're gonna roll for a cheap gear, one piece of cheap gear. I know, 12.

What is it gonna be? Oh, 12. 12. You can roll again, or you can choose the sunglasses. Oh, yeah. You better not bring those fucking sunglasses. Oh, you don't want this. I already got these sunglasses.

Okay, okay, I'll roll again. I swear to God. A two. Two. You've got a Sunny D. Okay. Oh, no, I love it. So, I'm trading for the time. No, so this is important to know. Okay. Most of the cheap gear doesn't actually have mechanical rules that come with it. For example, I have a Lisa Frank notebook. It's up to me to determine how I want to use that. There's no mechanical rules that go with it. I'm a small plastic dinosaur. The Sunny D will heal you to D.HP. So a coin flip, if you drink it. So it's like a small potion.

Next, you'll roll another 1D12 for Fancy Gear. Okay, okay. Four. You can choose the gogurt or you can roll again. I fucking hate the gogert. It's my birthday. It's also turkey dinner flavored. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, nine. Nine. You have a flask that holds one drink. Whoa! That's right. That's awesome. Tiffany's packing. And now you will roll 1D10 for your weapon.

If you roll a melee weapon, you'll be using your strength modifier when it comes to attacking with it. If you roll a ranged weapon, you'll be using your presence modifier. So either free- It doesn't- With a 10, you can have a mall-catana or you can roll again. Oh, I'm sorry, a what? A mall-catana. Like a-

I'll roll again. Okay, I will roll again. A one. A one, that's no weapon. I would say that she could roll again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give another roll. Seven.

Seven. You have a skateboard. Oh, so you write down a skateboard. and it does 1D6 damage. And it is a melee weapon. That's amazing. This is telling the story. Next, you're going to roll 1D4 for your armor, but please re-roll force.

1D4. It's actually what we could do. I got a 5. That's a D6. Whoa. Okay, that's a 4. It's another 4. Guys.

It's a 2. Perfect. So where do I put arms? I'm sorry. You have, you keep it under your, under your weapons. put it under weapons. It should say weapon slash armor. But you can write down light armor.

And it's going to be, what will happen is if you ever take damage, you'll roll a D2 or flip a coin to reduce the damage by one or two. So you're wearing a little of four? I thought I... I've made some slight changes because technically, if you were a castor class, you cannot wear heavy armor. Oh. So I've had to make some... Oh, it's a donkey.

Yeah, you will have classes right now. Nikki's the only one. It actually has her class. Next, you need to roll 1D8 to learn about your idiosyncrasy. We're keeping the ones that you guys last time. Three. I like this. You procrastinate as much as possible. So you can use that as a little RP prompt.

It doesn't need to dominate your RP, but just, you know, a little idea about what your character's like. Okay. And then... Are we doing feats? So, well, we will, but the way that this is going to work is, Nikki, if you would please take a look at the second page that I've given you. She is a second page. And now, start by reading from the top.

Class. The Barbie. Abilities, plus eight to manna, plus one to presence, minus one to agility. So it should be plus two, the two's look like an eight, but the idea is now you wanna add those, take those numbers, those ads and those minuses, and adjust your total score by them, and we'll see if it affects your modifiers in that way.

So I have two more to mana. So now it's 17 man. Yes, and now to be plus three mana, which is huge. Nice, wow, that's huge. Okay, and then I have plus one to my presence, which puts me at 12. That's still plus zero. Okay.

And then minus agility, that puts me at eight. That is going to be a minus one to your modifier for agility. I love that. And then the skateboard's really going to struggle. And then missing a wheel. Only other thing that you need to do is take a look at, is there an HP stat on there that I wrote? Toughness plus D8. Yeah, so roll a D8 and then add your toughness modifier to it to determine what you're starting HP is.

If you roll super low, we'll give you another roll. I got a three. Give you one more roll. six. Much better. She started six HB. Okay, so six HP. What's my toughness modifier?

Your toughness modifier is probably plus zero. Plus zero. Okay, perfect. And now what you'll do is you'll take a look at your features, which for you are spells. You don't have to say it out loud. You don't have to make a decision right this moment,

but you will pick one of those to start with. And then, depending on how your character is introduced, we'll probably give you another one or two to pick. Does it matter that I have a weapon on here already. So it's weapons start with. So you can ignore that for now. That will be for a different iteration of the game. You're good to go.

Just read over your spells at your leisure. You'll pick one if you want to write it under your features you can. You will have the ability to cast D2 plus your manna modifier spells per day. Nice. And that will reset at the beginning of each day. So should I roll a D2 now? Yeah, flip a coin or do evens odds on a D4. I would love that.

This is a sword. Oh, yeah. Just chuck it. Just chuck it. You got a two. So you should be able to cast five spells today, which is massive. That's great. Fantastic.

Awesome. So now for now, you are set. Okay. Oh, no, there's one last thing I'd like you to do. And I'm making the executive decision and Derek can throw this out unless you would like to. I would like you to roll a D6 to determine the number of starting drinks that you're currently at. Five. Because otherwise you've got to catch up to us.

So you're gonna start off at five. And under drink totals just tally off five marks. And I will explain a little bit more of what that looks like when we get there. But for now, Nikki's character's created. She's ready to play a game. Everybody feel good? Let's fucking do it.

Guys, I just had a realization. What? A ban on single-use plastics would have no effect on a spork. Why is that? Because it's a spork, Andy. Do you need me to explain environmental regulations? Is it not single use?

I'm not picking up where you're putting down here, Derry. I another real station. Our intro theme kind of sounds like a legally distinct moon theme from the NES Dutails game. Oh, but like a different key and not the same. Yeah, not the same notes, not the same key. Yeah. Is this vibes?

You'll have to forgive me. I'm already four drinks in. Are we in the game right now? I don't know. You're all standing in the barcade at the local cheese, the restaurant that is at the very very. very front, there have been some changes since last week. And unlike last week where the arcade was to the left,

this one's now to the right. And you have to go through it in order to reach the actual arcade floor. The decorations are a little different. The local cheese is changing. It's going corporate. And that's caused some friction with the four of you. Galileo included, you've had some altercations. You've fought the bouncers and you are now surrounded

by gore and viscera as you look down at the defeated bodies of the two bouncers who attempted to push you out and, oh my god, with the ass. What is Gary doing, Mike? Would you like to explain? He's doing a DJ. I'm laughing heroes. He's being a DJ.

The four of you stand and you look around and the nearby waitress comments. Crystal, she walks up to you and says, you shouldn't have done that. You've killed the bouncers. That means we're going to go into lockdown. And suddenly the door, the windows crunch, crunch, crunch, slam down one after the other, after the other.

The lights transform into, from their fluorescent white to a deep red, spilling across the entire restaurant and barcade area, plunging you into darkness. And at the same moment, you hear a crash. The ceiling breaks open and a mess. massive claws grabs Galileo by the weight. He says, guys, I think I'm cooked. And then it pulls him up and through,

crashing through the ceiling. You watch the feeling bits, ceiling bits fall down, crashing into the floor all around you, and you were left there, the three of you. Until moments later, also from that same ceiling, a small, doll-like creature falls down to your feet. Somehow having been in the ceiling of the local cheese. My god.

Oh, what? What the heck? Yeah, what the heck? Exactly right? What happened to Galileo and who are you? Whoa, you're so big. Oh, it's my cousin, Chishney. Look at your muscles.

Wow. Thank you. I've been hitting the gym lately. Gary's been helping me buy some really good protein powder. What? What do you mean you? He's like roommate. Don't you remember when we was playing

Echo the dolphin had the second janice together when we was kids. Um, no, but I do remember that my best friend, Stephanie, had like this really creepy older brother who liked to hang out with us all the time, and he was like, he had a lot of acne, and he like breathed his nose. Yeah, it was strange. I mean, you know, acne is a very serious condition that affects a lot of teenage males. Oh, yeah, no, it's totally fine for most guys, but this guy was, like, really weird. Well, I mean, good, well, you know, you can cover that up with things.

He had like holes all over his underwear and he like never changed them. Oh. You do how expensive underwear is these days? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just so I get this right, you see your name is Tiffany? Yeah. And you know Gary Goodberry? Oh, I don't know who he is.

Oh, he just reminds you of that weird creepy guy. Oh, no, he was just reminding me at that time when I was young and I was playing this like a Genesis. And my best friend, Stephanie, had this really creepy, young older brother who was like hang out with this all the time and drooling. It was so strange. Wait, you kind of look like him a bit. No, probably not. No relation.

Gary does drool a lot, it's weird. No relation. Yeah, I mean, anyone got a drink? Oh, boy, I'm so hungry. I can eat an octrog. Is that, is that dope? Yeah. Are you seeing that, Dave?

You're normal. Sorry. Oh, I didn't even an ad drunk too. Excuse me, Princess. By the way, it's not my sheet. Nice commitment to the bit. Wow, that's commitment to the bit. Oh, no, Galileo.

The Catholic Church. finally got him by the cannabis heliocentrism. Where did we go? Oh my god. I don't know what you're doing here. Oh, poor guy was our friend and we gotta get him back. Oh. I have no idea where I'm here, but I'm so thirsty.

I've had like five drinks already and it's like not nearly enough. You guys want to do a shot? If we get- Do you have you given us shots? I have a flask. Oh, oh. Wait, can we- I have one too, but mine's empty.

Mine is four. Can we share? I don't. I don't know. Who are you? Oh, I know. My name's Gary Goodberry. Oh, I'm Tiffany, by the way.

They call me knuckles. You know, on account, because you have some of knuckles? Well, I mean, if you see here, I basically have, like, you know, eight and eight. 16 knuckles because of my brass knuckles. And my heavy armor, which is just, you know, metal studs on my leather vest. Oh, I'll pick some of your flask.

Oh, Tiffany. Oh, you needed a small pocket knife. open that thing. Here you go. I got me. You're like spitting on me every time you talk. Could you like, oh, you, you said you needed a pocket knife? Gary, Gary, calm down. You said, you never know what you need that. Hey, hey, hey, you never know, you're spilling your spaghetti everywhere, man, set me down. I mean, you never, you never know, you can survive. Take a deep breath. You can survive by having a knife. Did, did Gary also spill the spaghetti? He is, he's spilling it everywhere. I don't have any spakeet. It's a saying. Oh,

I've got an ivory talian persuasion. My name's Andy. I have a really bad headache right now. Well, there's only one cure for that. And we're in the right place. Does anyone remember maybe chat if I drank my two extra beers from my six-pack? Oh, I did. I got them from deep from my congo box. That's right.

That's right. That's right. We pre-gained to the parking lot, too. We did. Well, right. And that was the four. Yes. So I got the two more.

Yes. So I'm through. I'm through. All right. Well, you have the one flask. I mean, how much can that possibly hold? Like a drink? You certainly don't have to share with us.

I mean, I don't mean, look, we've been coming to the local cheese forever. We never see you going to lockdown. I think for me, it probably holds like one drink, but for you, it'd be like nothing. You know, Tiffany, do you see us kill those guys? You see us kill those guys? Tiffany, you'll recall that you were trapped in the ceiling for some reason. I was kind of trapped in the ceiling for some reason. I don't really remember.

I remember I sat at a party with Stephanie, and we were drinking a lot. I had about five drinks, and I passed out. Next thing you know, like I was falling through the ceiling. ceiling and this weird guy was like being lifted into the raster. Oh yeah. That's our old from Galileo. Oh, gal. The Catholic Church is always after.

I think how to seeleocent. That's very funny, Gary. It's a deep cut. He's always getting kidnapped by the Catholic Church. It's like Team Rocket. I am not even sure what that means. Yeah, you'll be, you probably never meet it. It's okay.

I think he was forced to drink poison. Oh, I hope not. We gotta find him. We gotta get to him. I mean, what are we gonna do? Well, I know what I'm gonna do. Well, how do we get out of this place? Because, like, we're stuck.

Oh, locked down. There's only one thing to do when we're locked in a place like this. I look at the bar to see if it's unattended. You turn to the bar, and as if on cue, you see the many different draft of...

Taps. Taps. On the bar. And in that moment, as though your very perception of them has triggered this event, They spin around and lock underneath the bar. Son of a gun.

Is everything locked down? Even the games? There's no way. We gotta go check. There's no way they match. I'm ding-duk this time. You race. The four of you, Tiffany included for some reason, race forward.

Come on. No pressure or anything, but. I don't really have anywhere to go, so I might as well. You race forward and you break through the. double doors into the arcade floor. And even though the lighting has changed and there are like a huge spotlight seemingly moving from wall to wall, the space is transformed from the usual neon lights to this red lockdown color. There are people still gaming.

You can still hear the sounds of the blips and blutes and bleeps of many different arcade machines in all direction. You can see still in the very center of the arcade floor the prize ticket counter. Are you gonna be doing that all night, Gary? We're in public. I'm playing air guitar! Yeah, yeah, well, it's weird. That's pretty good.

It's weird where you order public, an air guitar at home, man. My God, that reminds me when Stephanie's weird older brother entered an air guitar contest, and he was like showing us, and he was so proud that he won. Oh my god. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

I think his name was Jerry or something. Probably not, brother. I immediately take a look around and try to take in the scene and see if these people even notice that this place is gone into lockdown. You get the sense that even though the color change has happened, that people just understand that there is an emergency, but that it doesn't affect them. They can continue playing their Gallagher game. If they're not the ones being chased down by whatever security or additional levels of enforcement the local cheese has, but they can continue to enjoy themselves, even if they can't necessarily get a beer at the barcade.

This is an absolute nightmare. I mean, it looks like everyone else is having a good time, so. The only reason we come here is to drink. Well, and maybe play a little bit of dig-dog. Let's be real. And also Mac on the Five Goths on us. Be real with yourself, man. The only thing that ever happens is we drink 1,000 beers.

We talk to zero women, and we go home just striking out left and right. Well, you don't say that much louder from Tiffany. No, I am going to say it out loud, Gary. The illusion, the magic, the veneer of this place is shattering. Have you seen what happens as the moment we walked in here? Nothing is the same anymore. I mean, we still got some beers. And we still got our nice fiesta chicken wrap.

Did you take the menu with you? Now, this is ridiculous. You guys ever wonder what Gack tasted like? What? No, no. I was watching Double Daff the other day and I was like, You know, what happens if you could gag them? A little gets in your mouth, you know?

How, why are you thinking about this? I don't know, I mean, what would it taste that? Like, don't you think you'd just shut your mouth the moment you get gassed? No, but what if you're like, oh my God, I didn't know what's coming, and it gets all in your mouth and like, taste them. You would wonder what that might taste like.

Oh, then you would say gack, gack, gack, gack. Yeah, you might. Yeah. If you'd just be joking about it, they might say, get, gack, gack, gack, gack. Like, do you think to these, That's what that calls it. Do you think that they like think in advance,

you know, we should make this edible in case somebody accidentally eats a little bit of it. No, I'm sure that's the case. There's no way they wouldn't make the gag in it. I don't know. Like in the 90s, they weren't really worried about child safety, so. Fair, fair.

Fair point. That was only like two years ago though. So I mean, I know. I don't know how far we've gotten. I could have made a thing there about Nickelodeon. The year is 2001 and you're still standing there at the entrance to the arcade floor. Oh.

Let's... Maybe we can find the answer in a game of Diggily. Oh, I also gotta find the Treat Fighter too. I mean, we can play some games, but... The tokens won't even help us at this point. If we can't buy beer... What meaning does life have? We could always, like, ask.

I mean, it's like a big party, right? Like, everyone shares, except for me. But, like, we could just ask. Wait, where did Reggie go? Who? Did Reggie disappear? Maybe he's the one who in a shit? the lockdown. You'll recall that Reggie jumped through an opening in the ceiling that he leapt out,

almost teleporting, and then triggered the combat with the bouncers. That's right. Which went much more easily for you than I anticipated. In case you don't know, Reggie's the manager. He's a total dweep. Yeah. He's an absolute fucking loser. There was one that's pervert in the bathroom who is like at the urinal. He's peddling mushrooms or something. It was weird. He was he was tugging on that mushroom cap. And then they're at the urinal. And he was like, say, hey, everybody, take a look at this. And he's like, Reggie, God, there's a pervert of Beth.

And he's like, well, let me go take a little. Oh, that's like my fondest memory of Galileo. Now he's gone. Yeah. Well, I mean, the Inquisition might go easy on this time. I hope so. Do you really think it was the Catholic Church? I mean, it looked like the Catholic Church.

I mean, did you see, do you see that claw? It sure looked like the Catholic Church. I mean, it did kind of look like the hand of God. I was hoping it was just security. But if it is it. the Catholic Church, he's screwed! I think it was. I would like to take a look and survey this barcade area to see if I can see if there's, like,

somebody might have a full beard, that they're not really paying too much attention to that. Might be able to swipe. Make a presence test. Oh. Oh, not a chance in hell. I got a two. With a two, you peer down, but the darkness of the lights being what it is, the intense hour that you've spent since entering the local cheese, everything is a little disorienting.

And even though you think that people may have beers, if they ordered them before lockdown, you don't see any at hand. I'm a little drunk, guys. I can't even find any rogue beers to swipe. Yeah, I've, I had five beers already. Andy, and you're, you're, you're, you can't see nothing without your glasses. I don't let me take a look with my sunglasses. Okay, go ahead.

I don't wear glasses, Gary. I'm gonna go see if, if there's any chumps. playing a, playing maybe Dig Dug or Street Fighter 2. There's a hot golf honey playing Street Fighter 2, I'll go there. But I'll just look, I'm gonna try to look at people's pockets for Flask to take us. Ooh.

I'm gonna skate around at like low level. Low level. You watch as Derry starts to move down the long wide flat stairs, one after the next, after the next, after the mess. Bracely gliding down into the arcade floor and disappearing between the legs of two patrons before entering the rows and rows of all these arcade cabinets. Gary, I need to make a presence test as you start to look through to see if there are drinks

or if there are glass in pockets. Well, with the natural one, that's a three. You don't see any drinks. You're distracted. You immediately notice a character that you saw initially as you were walking through the barcade. I'm sorry, when you were sitting and drinking in the barcade, you notice that there's a loud, obnoxious Twitch streamer who has a rig connected to their chest.

A camera, a ringlight in all directions, all sorts of fancy backgrounds and gadgets, and they are continuing to be like, hey, Chad, we're here, it's lockdown night. Woo! It's screaming. It makes you collide with one of the cabinets. And you don't see...

You don't see anything immediately that looks like alcohol in any direction, leaving the three of you there without Gary. I can't believe I'm going to say this, Tiffany, but you might want to hold on to that flask. If we can't get any more alcohol, that might be the last you've got. Yeah, I mean, well, the thing is, like, I kind of can't let it go because it's stuck in my plastic hand. Whoa. That's crazy. Wait, you can't move your hand at all. I mean, I could move, like, they can go like this, but, like, I can't move.

my fingers. I mean, I could, I could help. Yeah. I mean, let me just. Ah! Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, I'm sorry. I'm so, oh God. Nacles, what the hell, man? I just, I mean, all I do is just take the flask out. Oh, oh. No, you can, you can have that now. I can't believe you scratched my plastic. I think I'm gonna be sick. Oh my God. What? I mean, eh, I don't, I don't know. Look at my nail polish? Is it chips? I mean, well, I actually hold on. I think I learned this trick.

I mean, if maybe we just get a little bit of vinyl in the scratch, and I pulled the small dinosaur plaza, the small plaza dinosaur that I have. Just hold still and I'll rub some of the plastic off the dinosaur into the scratch. And it's very clearly like just greet, like scuff now. Filler. But at least it's smooth.

My God. I've always wanted a tattoo. Pretty nice one, I mean. Knuckles? Yeah, yeah. Best friends. Wait, really? Yeah, too.

All right, I'll take it. Oh my God. If you want to split that drink. The three of us are going to be the greatest. Like, you are super ripped, so you can get us in to all of the parties. Man, you're really gassing me up. You're really cool. Like, you can be tattoos.

You should tell people about that. Like, everyone's going to love you. Yeah, yeah, well. I mean, you know. Why do you hang out with that weird guys? Gary? Well, he's my roommate. I got to live.

The financial situation. The economy's in shambles. You know, it's impossible for me to live on my own. My dead-end job is miserable. I don't even own a car. Oh, I do own a car. I forgot driving El Camino. He's the cool.

I have like at least 15 different plastic cars, but most of them are at my house in Malibu. That's impressive. A house in Malibu, you're doing well. I know, but I haven't seen it in forever. We all just missed the dot-com boom. Oh, you didn't have enough cash. to buy assets. It's my dream house. It's my dream house.

Oh. Secretly invested. All right. We got to find, we got to find your drink. I'm gonna lose my mind. We don't find drinks. Oh, can I have my flask back?

Oh, no, I put it back. It's in your hand. I put it back there. Yep. Yep, I'm not touching that anymore. Unless you want to share it, I mean, you know, trade tips. Well, I mean, you'd have to twist my arm,

like, all the way around to be able to drink it. You want it? I mean, you did give me a, I'm good now. Nope, nope, I'm solid. You know, now that you mention that, I think frankly, Frankly, you know, oh look, they got Rampage World Tour over here and I go up to the Rampage World War. You raised forward. It will take a token to play. Fuck, I don't have any tokens. How do we get tokens?

I got three tokens. I can lend you one, especially if they're not even any good use for drinks at this point. I give, I give Knuckles one of my tokens. Okay. I'm down to two tokens. I don't have any tokens. You notice at the, uh, at the, uh, foot of the rampage arcade cabinet, there's a lying flat on his ass. Gary is nursing a head injury. You okay, Gary? Oh, that obnoxious fucking twit streamer. He's not being to a cabinet.

Oh yeah, fuck that jackass. I think we should swap that motherfucker. He's like Twitch streamer here. Who is it? He's that joker with the fucking GoPro. Yeah, I don't know. Look at that asshole. I've never heard of him. I've never seen him before, but he's loud and obnoxious. frankly anachronistic for this time period. It really is. It doesn't make any sense. Fuck this guy. But you know what that means, right?

I don't even know what Twitch is. He's popular. Who gives fuck? If you how that works, like he's automatically popular? I mean, people are watching it. He must be popular. Duh. If we beat him up, do we instantly become more popular than him? Oh my gosh. No. People would hate you.

Oh my gosh. But if you can befriend him, maybe we can get some alcohol. What if... I don't understand the internet. Yeah. Is he still? streaming on like MySpace or maybe Justin TV? Oh my god, do you think I could be one of his top three?

Maybe he's top three was. On Myspace, duh. Oh, yeah. I miss MySpace. I tried to learn it. It was a little hard. I was trying to have Evanescence play via HTML, the MIDI version. And I couldn't get my GEOCities to work very well.

I couldn't get my angel fire to cooperate. You're the only one that said any kind of a plan. I think we do try to talk to. him and see what we can get out of them. I mean, worst case scenario, we can always just beat him up. So do we even know what his name is? Because, like, we're not going to get very far if we don't know who he is. Like, he's going to feed off of the energy of us knowing who he is.

Oh, maybe, maybe I could go ask him. Do we recall... Maybe the buff one should go ask him. Do we recall him shouting his name as he was skating through the lobby? Make a presence test, I guess, to see if you recall when he, how frequently he was shouting his name. No, I got a five. With a five.

It's hard to remember. It was such an obnoxious series of words. You tried to tune him out. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember saying his name. Let me just skate up to him. I mean, we could, but I just put my token in. I mean, if you guys are fine going, I'm going to...

Here's what we do. I'm going to play Lizzie. You guys are, like, the dream team. Gary and Tiffany, you guys go talk to the Twitch team. I'll stay with Knuckles. See if you can win us some more tokens and tickets. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, if you have enough token, we can two play of this, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, I'm in. I spend another token. To be player two in our rampage. You insert the token, you hit press start, and player two arrives on the digital screen before you, CRT style. Are you going to be, are you going to be George or Ralph? I'll be Ralph.

Of course. Obviously, obviously. We begin to play the game while they go off to find the truth streamer. Let's go talk to the Switch stream. You turn and just as you're about to leave to find the Twitch streamer, you hear a voice. Oh, they got Rampage 2. And you see a tall pig man, a very muscular pig-like person racing forward towards the rampage game.

He's got what looks like a large stine of beer in one hand. Behind him, rolling up just behind him, is a person wearing a white t-shirt, a backwards ball cap. And next to him is gliding on his own roller blades is a small wizard doll wearing silver mirror. laser soft, laser shades. And just behind him, you see another turtle with a tan headband. These four are all carrying big, frosty mugs of beer as they walk up

towards the Rampage game to start playing. And you hear the same pigman. Oh, this is really, really cool. I can't wait to play. And you hear the wizard doll chime in. Yeah, yeah, this is really cool. We should be able to play a rampage ourselves. Yeah, guys, we gotta play it.

You hear as the, the, what's the word I'm looking for? Backwards hat wearing. Where the fuck of these jazz? You turn around and it's almost like we're looking in a mirror with the exception of Tiffany. Wait a bit.

I don't know what's happening here, but these guys give me a sick vibe. Do I recognize the pig? You turn and I need you to make a, no, no, I think that you recognize the pig. You know that this pig man, is a part of a very similar group to yours. This is Tusks.

He's a real bruiser. Look at these guys. That wizard is so hot. Wait, what? When are he's got a girlfriend? Hey, uh, hey, Tusks. How you doing? Hal.

It's been a while. Hey, what's going on? You, you playing rampage? Yeah, we just put our tokens in. Yeah, it's occupied. You can put your quarter on the side of the machine to hold your spot if you want. Well, I think you should just give a step aside and let us take over.

We're much more skilled at this game than you want. No, no. We just put our tokens in. I keep playing. I'm not even looking at the screen. But I'm trying to make eye contact with this jackass for a backwards hat. What a loser. You turn and you look at him and he's got a white t-shirt. It says in black text on his chest, the word infinity. And he right at the side in a mess of hilt, there's a fantasy-style gold mall sword.

And it says right on the blade it says Vorkalok. Do I know what this guy is? Have I ever seen this person in my life? You turn and you've seen this guy walking around, also stealing drinks with the local chief. He wasn't here last week, but he's definitely a local. Without taking my... Without even looking at the script, I'm still playing.

I'm still playing. But I keep glancing over and I look at this guy and I say, Hey! You in the hat! What's your name? What do you want? I'm Randy. What the fuck?

I look at Knuckles. What the fuck? Oh, this is just Tusks and his crew. Randy? They were Randy? This is Randy and this is... Do I know all of them? Uh, you turned it and you point, uh, you point to the wizard doll. His name is Barry.

Yeah, it's Randy and... It's Randy and... Barry and Newton. Uh... Yeah, this is Tusk's crew. What? We went to elementary school together. Uh, how's your mom doing, Tusks? Hey, this isn't Tusks crew. This is my crew!

I'm the one with the Mallsword! Well, I mean, I know. tusks, so as far as I'm concerned, this is tusks' crew. Yeah, what's wrong with it being my crew? I can be the crewmaster. Yeah, what's wrong with him? There's nothing wrong with that. He, uh, uh, uh, holds his tusks and sort of gives him a squeeze instead of cracking it as nothing. Hey, Randy, you know, gold's a soft metal, right?

It's nothing like my 10,000 folded time steel mall katana. It's just foiled with gold. It's real steel on the inside. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. It's the coolest thing in the, look at what you got. It's real. It's real Japanese steel. You want to see this steel? You want to see this steal? I actually stopped playing.

I put my hand on my Malkatat. Whoa, whoa, Andy, look, just chill. Just play, just play, just play, let them fight, come on. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, Yeah, you are. Oh, Andy, give me, give me, just give me, just give me the word. Give you a word on watch. Just give me the word.

No, no, no, look, this is a misunderstanding, just say the word. Just say the word. You're rich in to play rampage, but look, we got your first fair and square, and maybe we could be convinced to let you play if you, uh, give us your beers. You see Barry tugging at the pant leg of, Randy. Hey, just let me, let me get out. I got the figure of dude. I got, I got the man.

I don't know, but that guy's a real sick fuck. That guy's a real sick fuck. He's also ugly as fuck. So, uh, I can't believe we wear that public. Did, did your mom finally get out of prison? Is she, she home? My died. Sorry to hear that. Oh, look at that building. I heard she died.

Oh, nice. Good job, Michael's nice. I heard your guy'd say gack, gack, gag, gag, gag. That was real incentive. I think we should get these guys. No, no, I just want to talk. I want to talk. Randy, can I talk to you for a second? Gary, that was a fucking good one, man. Can I talk to you for a second, Randy? Why do you want to talk to Randy? What is it?

I just want to talk to you. What is it, Gary? Do you need a knife? I heard you need a knife to cut some. I've already got... Barry's knife. And he pulls out one of those... Oh, he's a big of the Gary's knife!

No, no, but it's one of those really stupid, like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Renfest knives that snakes like this. I see it all up to you, man. Can I see that? It's so cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll skate up to you too. I'll show it to you. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna show you, right here.

I'm gonna roll him between his legs and punch him in the ball. He's the same height as you, dude. No, between for Randy. Oh, Randy. Randy. You start to roll up, and at the same time, you see Barry start to roll up towards Andy. And you're not sure what his intention is.

I'm looking at him, and I don't even, I just like, don't even move. What's he? doing? What the fuck? And I just look at him. I just want to talk. I just want to talk, I didn't. I just want to talk, Randy.

It doesn't even occur to me that Barry's about to do the same thing. Barry starts to roll up. Gary, I need you to make a, um... I just want to talk, man. I just want to talk, bro. I just want to talk, come on, man. I need to make an attack roll against Randy. Kung food net punch.

As I am going to punch him in the nuts, as I, as I roll. That's... That's huge. Strength. Yeah. So minus one, that is a 16. 16 hits, roll for damage. With my hands, oh, so I do 2D4,

four, six, that is nine, oh, nine, that is 13, exploding dice, 13 and 16 points of nut punch damage. To Randy. I just don't talk about, I get there, Fuck you, man! I was this shitty knife from the red fans. While this is happening though, I see Barry kind of skating towards me and he's not stopping

and I try to like stick my right leg out to be like, what is he doing? And like, try to like keep him away from me while I continue to play this. He does a surprisingly good leap over your foot and you go to goch punch. And he jumped up like this and one thing, I needed a roll for a fend and then I need everyone to roll for initiative. That's mishless, that's douglas deadly with a nut punch. Goose punch. God, this guy sucks. Barry sucks guys. Oh no.

I got a five on my agility. I got a 10. So how does this work? And your agility? You know, you minus one. So my Dodge definitely failed. Tiffany got a zero. I got a zero.

I got a zero. I got an 11. Which is appropriate. You take four points of a gooch damage. I get to reduce it by 1D6 damage because of my heavy armor. That's terrific. I reduce it by two, so I take two damage. She's not that arbor jockstrap.

And the moment that he just like uppercuts me in the gooch knuckles, I don't. I'm like, you watch me just double over. Oh, and I hit the ground. Damn it! Why do I see that? Keep shot, Barry! Ah, son of a bitch! Hold on, hold on. Oh!

She did this, Bill is almost there. You're just out of the ground. Randy and you fuck, get fuck, Randy! You're both rolling around on the ground. Yeah, I get fuck, Randy. You think you're so cool? Nearly Kuna has added the permitted term, Gooch.

I'm gonna make a quick at Randy. It's D6 plus agility for initiative, right? Yes. Oh, is it D6? Oh, I believe so. Sorry. I got a one with my Julia plus two for three. Oh, I got a five. I got a five minus one. So four. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas. Shroud Over Salton. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Definitely, Knuckles, Tiffany, Andy, what did you get?

And Gary got a 1. Okay, and then I roll. You can roll for them all separately or individually or together. How are you going to do? First. Munsta. Uh-oh. Um, okay, so, a couple of points to notice.

Uh, I already explained a little bit about how, if you're using a melee weapon, you are gonna add your strength modifier to it. If you're using a ranged weapon, you're gonna use your presence modifier. But you, having the class that you have, have some additional things that you can do because you can gas spells.

So that will use your mana stat instead, and all of those spells have different things. For now, you start off by picking one. You can gas up to five, spells a day. If you want to pick a second one, that's fine too. I was going to have you pick more spells when we get our car. Oh, so I pick one spell? For now, yes. And every time you level up, you get a new feat or a new spell. And there are certain spells and feeds that if you take them multiple times, they have different effects and things like that. But I don't know that

if yours actually do any of those at the moment. So you'll pick one that you have in your arsenal for now. And then if there's a chance for you to level up, you get to pick additional spells. And, you know, it'll be fun. It'll be great. Generally, when you're trying to make an attack, you're looking for a 12 or better. Your spells obviously might say something different based on what, you know, anytime it asks you to make a test,

that's like a check. You're looking for a certain amount of DR based on what the spell says. But what's important to know is that there's a mechanic in this game called drinking. As you know, you've already consumed five beverages. Consuming alcohol of any kind has pros and cons. For each one drink that you've consumed,

you'll gain one, HP minus damage received. You take less damage because you can't feel it. You're getting drunk. And you'll deal an additional HP of damage when you deal damage with your spells or when you deal damage with your melee or range attacks. Once you have consumed more than two times

your toughness modifier in drinks, for you at zero. So it's gonna be a minimum of two drinks though. Then you become drunk. So once you've hit your third drink. I'm at five. You are drunk, right. So what that means is there are a couple things that will happen.

Every other drink you consume, so you're looking at your third, third, fifth, seventh drink, you'll actually roll on the drunk table to see what kind of effects happen to you. So it won't happen to you now until you get your seventh drink because you already have five,

you're good at the moment. But the fun thing is your damage dice can now explode. And what that means is if you happen to roll max damage on a die that you're rolling, you keep rolling. As long as you keep hitting max damage, there's no cap, it'll go crazy.

Your dice will explode. You do massive amounts of damage. damage you get lucky and it's very fun. Last combat I think it was you who rolled. No, last combat I didn't do anything. I just absolutely nothing. You went hand at the end of episode two. At the end of episode two. I did 49 against the bouncer. Again, no. One bouncer just got completely unlimbed by here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I spiking. I spiked several exploding dice. If you take a critical hit though, you're gonna remove one drink from your total. It sobers you up. If you ever hit zero HP, you become broken.

which means you're in a dying state, but if you ever hit negative HP, you instantly die. Okay. Those conditions instantly sober you up. You drop back to zero if we get you back up, if you've got back up, if you're an extra life, if somebody heals you, you wake up sober. That's about it for now.

I don't know if I understood any of back. That's okay. We will have a lot. Yes, it is a lot, but you pick it up quick once you start to play. So if you have any questions at all, don't hesitate. So at five, how does that affect what I would do on my... Well, you can tell me on my... No, you'll take five.

less damage if you get hit and take damage and you'll also deal an additional five damage every time one of your spells hit or you hit with your skateboard Yep super easy. Oh, oh if you roll a one you fumble just like you would in Dungeons and Dragons you have a chance to drop or break your weapon if you if you roll a natural one and obviously it's a miss on the opponent if you roll a natural 20 You roll twice the number of dice that you would normally roll for damage which in clea increases your chance of exploding as well So that's that Randy has five extra damage I forgot to add my drunk to him. Oh shit. Filer's your damage.

Yep. Oh, shit. He's a bit of a bitch. Um, you did significant amount of damage to, uh, uh, We also don't know how drunk they are. We don't know how much armor they might have. To Randy and, uh, he, oh, ah, son of a bitch, fuck, ah!

He pulls out his sword and he, uh-oh, brings it down. I'm gonna get you dummy, and he swings down. I need you to, uh... Who you call it a dummy, dummy, dummy? Uh... So Gary's gonna attempt to dodge out of the, the way of Randy's attack. He's gonna roll a D20 and add his agility modifier to it. Your mom would say, gack, gag, gack, gack, gats out of the way.

Uh, agility, that'll be a four. A four, that's not good enough. Uh, the, um, uh, the, uh, model fantasy gold sore slices down into your, uh, stuffing body and you take, uh, two points of... Two? Two? Wow. I got, I got, what's my heavy armor? Uh, no, you, yes, you have heavy armor. You still have heavy armor. You still have heavy armor.

So you reduce that by D6, but you also reduce it by five because of your drinks. I'd reduce it by 11. Yeah, you resist the hell on it. This guy sucks. It's a soft metal, Randy. This guy fucking sucks. I don't know how much is this guy. Just ignore them.

Do you fail chemistry class? It's a soft-ass metal, just like your soft little dick. Barry. You bitch. Uh, is number two. Wow. You motherfucker. Barry is number two?

Oh yeah, that's right. You punched me to gooch. He points at you and... I'm on the ground. Ah! God! I'm gonna get you I'm gonna get you so good He points at you and at the end of his fingers just to glow red and all of a sudden there's this massive flash This beam of light starts to fly towards you. I need you to roll out of the way

I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm huddled over rolling on the ground and I see this lady and say hey who took my picture and then I'm gonna try to get out of the way of this Oh boy I got a Nine or nine is not good enough you are hit by this finger of doom beam attack that the... That Barry is able to attack you with... Wait, do I get cast that then? What?

Finger duke! The last... A smoldering crater appears in your shoulder and blows off chunks of flesh as you take five points of damage. Alright, well, I need to reduce it by four at the bare minimum. And then three. I take no damage.

And I need to roll a D6 because... It actually glances off... It's a glancing... blow and it actually doesn't hit. It just kind of grazes and rips my shirt. Um, he lifts up, uh, his LED Hewis that he's wearing and he, uh, uh, moves, uh, skates around, I would say he tries to get out of the way. I move him, uh, your speed is inferior to my roller skits. Move five spaces down the lane. This right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, away. Sorry. Yeah. I just fucked it all up. No, you're fine. You're fine. Uh, Tuss pulls out a, um, uh,

bike chain and he starts to swing it around his head. Isn't it have to be like this? It's just for my mouth! Oh shit! He searches at you. Yep. You guys got me, you tusks! He can move up to five spaces and I needed to attempt to jump out of the way as he attempts to ram into you with his tusks.

I mean, he could trample him and he gets a knuckles and that's what he's trying to do. He was here, one, two, three, four, five. So he, you have to get out of the end of his spot. I thought that he... My apologies. He's K that you're looking at. His knuckles. Three is, you said his...

You know what? He's just gonna take a crack at Gary. He swings down with his bike chain. Go ahead and dodge. Oh my god! In the 90s, it's gang violence in the 90s. It's actually quite a big problem in this era. He's got five...

Natural 20, folks! That means like he's a counterattack on this motor attack. He swings down and he somehow dodged the whipping chain. What do you do? Lipa doodily just like your lip doodily dick bitch Nutt punch! Why do you, I heard that, why do you nut punch and then twist with your mouth open going upwards?

It's where sort of... Oh, no. No chance. No, uh, we don't have a twist of... No, like this, I think. We don't have it. Oh, these are tokens. Yeah, so actually we get money.

We have plenty of money to spend. Um, this is how we did last week. Newton pulls out, um, one of those, um, ball shooters. that shoots ping pong balls. And he looks around the... Are we quiet? He spots the tiny doll body of Tiffany.

He looks at he's like, I don't even know who you are. And he shoots a ball at you. I need you to dodge by rolling a D20 to see if you can get out of the way. 17. That's pretty good. 17, that's good enough.

You are able to easily move to the side. Road. A ping pong ball dances down the lane, disappearing underneath a cabinet. That's the monster's turn. Knuckles, you are up. Oh, that's cool.

So all of the monsters go, and I like that. That's fun. Or is that, okay, got it. You know, you didn't, you, you, you're the one who pushed us here, all right? I'm gonna run, can I stomp through his face? You're the one hog in the game.

As an ally, you can pass through me. He tried to kill him with a bike chain, Knuckles. Get him, give him, give him! One, two, three, this is Tusks? Yeah. Yes. Is he still holding his drink? All of them are holding their drinks, yes.

Look, I only had one token, but you push me to this. And I'm just gonna lunch for his beer. Okay. I'm not gonna try to attack. Okay. I think to resolve that, you make an attack and see if you hit. I'm gonna, because it's slightly more challenging, I'm gonna raise the DC to 14. 20.

Nice. You are able to grab his wrist. He's shot. Give me that. He's still dodging out of the way of the Gary. classic nut attack and you're able to pull the beer free a little bit sloshes out onto the floor and onto your hand But you have a full beer in your hand can I doubt it you have rapid quaffing I do I just down it immediately Hey that's my drink that takes me the six nice damn it knuckles

What's the break points? Uh, it was the break point right? It'll be odds for basically all of us because none of us had a high toughness score That's right I'm full zero okay how do you know what your movement is? Oh, uh everybody moves Six squares. 30 feet. Yeah. So six squares. It's all just even across the board. And basically on your turn, you move.

You can take an action, which is like make an attack or cast a spell, and then, you know, free object interaction. And I think we're doing 1.5s for diagonal still. Can you, that's just traditional. Can you action move? Like, does it matter which? No order. Any order you want. You see this scene unfold around you.

The investment in this fight is elusive, but your new friends are cool. and they seem to be getting attacked by evil versions of themselves. This is so not cool. This is lame. Especially you. You don't know who I am. Like, really? And I'm going to look toward whatever that was.

That was a Newton, a turtle person wearing a tan bandana. I think you need... A tanana. Let me tell you everything there is to know about me. And Tiffany is just going to start rattling off all of this information about herself. It's so boring it's going to put him to sleep. I cast sleep on him. Oh.

Okay. And then when I was three, I did this. And so. Natural 20. That's a really good move against Newton because his special is that the first time he takes damage that would kill him, he cancels all damage. Instead, uh, uh. Sleep. I choose an enemy.

I make a DR 14 mana test. You crushed it. The target appears to fall asleep. They cannot move until they take damage. They are actually awake and feel everything. Well, that's a nightmare. That's a fucked up. Tiffany, what kind of, which cross are you practicing?

What? This story is just so, he leans up against a cabinet and he's, Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, all right, cool, whatever, yeah, uh-huh. Are you listening? Hello? Yeah, I'm listening, I'm listening. Okay, okay. And so then when I was five, that's crazy.

That's cool, that's crazy, that's so crazy. Oh gosh. That's crazy. He continues to sort of nod along as you continue to tell this story and you've effectively neutralized Newton. Andy, you are up. Ah, God.

I'll get up to my feet. I'm breathing heavy. I got you in the Gucci, big bitch. These guys fucking saw. Watch out. He's got a fucking chain. Oh, shit. I will draw my mall katana

and I like Wee, re, re, re, re, zero in on Randy. And I'm like, this guy's got to go. And is he number one? He's got to be more one. I'm going to see if I can get to him. Diagonally, I can get to him. I don't know if I can pass through.

If I can pass through, I'd like to get behind him. I don't know if it's difficult to me. You can pass through Gary, right? Yeah, good enough. I'm going to get here. And I leap over Gary, and I'm sweating. My face is red because I'm just, I got punched in the gooch. And as I jump over Gary, I'm going to make a slug.

Flash attack with my Molokitana. Okay. And try to get this guy. I don't ask for much. I got to pick it up from last time here You got it. Oh, beautiful. 15. 15. He's a slippery motherfucker And he would need a 16 in order to hit you in order to hit him. I never been to hit this guy He jumps to the side and you hear this as your Molkata It's nothing but air. I was so certain that I was gonna hit this guy that I'm like smirking as I as I swing the the katana and the second that I miss I am absolutely stunned and I'm just I'm stunned to the silence and I don't do anything he's fast you uh land and uh I realize that perhaps

Randy has more tricks up his sleeve Gary you're up Randy how did he types that so do I feel like Newton will wake up if I attack him or do it look like I can kutagra if you attack him and damage him you will wake him up based on the mad you have a magical arcane understanding of this This is you fumble that it was really embarrassing Don't worry about it He was right in front of me, man It happens to all of us

We embarrassing we miss our attacks all the time I don't know how I missed It's not a big deal Everyone's gonna forget about this in a couple of years No, no longer this in a couple years Gary loses his whole time I'll avenge you Andy I go after Randy

No wait where's Gary where's Barry? Barry is number two Here he rolled out Oh I'm in person Okay. Oh, breaker, breaker. You jump up under your roller blades and you start to spin forward. Um, you're just not punching. Uh, Gary spins around on his healy's and he looks at you. What do you want, you very similar wizard guy?

I'm gonna literally tear you to stuffing and ruin your entire day. I'm going to, I'm gonna make sure that that your entire family forgets your name and they regret that you were ever born, you fucking, fucking doppelgaker. You wish and your beard look stupid. I'm gonna tear your beard from your flesh and light you on fire Jesus I'm gonna give in gang violence on you push

You race forward in an endeavor to punch him in the nuts His soft puppet nuts Rolls UFuPet Nuts Roll the head In reality they're just doing this That's gotta re-roll Oof-duff I miss

You miss He is able to Slide back and you're your hand and hit nothing but air. That's a cheap trick. That's a cheap trick, that's a cheap trick, Dodger by Nut Punch.

I can't believe you're so overpower. I can't believe they make, they should pass this game and nerfed this fucking asshole. Randy turns to you and he flips his cap, his baseball cap all the way around and looking at you, Andy, he's like, I'm still stunned. I'm just stunned.

I don't know how this happened. No wonder it says zero on your t-shirt. He swings forward making a slash attack with his goal. Sorry. That was really good. That was really good, but no, no, don't remember this. Roll the die. this shirt.

Natural 20. Fuck this guy. I'm taking a fucking... You flashes forward. Vengeance. And you catch it. The problem is I only have a 25% chance to hit this guy. I have to roll...

That's not too bad. I have no plus to my strength. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Strength is tough. No good. No, no. He slashes forward and you are engaged in... Yeah, I just catch his blade.

You catch his blade and it slides all the way the hill. Sparks flying in all direction, and you are engaged in a sword fight. Yeah, I'm going to catch his blade. kill you, you poser. I'm going to kill you too. He's got a, I haven't described it yet, but he's got a black goatee and black hair. You look like a fucking freak.

Barry races forward. He does a 360 and flips around the other side of Gary. It's Barry Bad Barry. My mortal nexus. I'm going to hit your berries bad. Goochbonn!

And he got out of the way. That's not where I throw my balls. No. gonna hit your berries bad. Uh-oh. Oh no. Uh-oh. I think it's just only 12.

Uh, 12 should be enough. Oh, is it? Right? Oh, yeah, 12 on base line. Generally, yes, 12 or higher, unless for some reason his attack is more accurate. No special, no special attack. You're able to dodge out of the way

just at the last second, avoiding his mage slap. Tusks, uh, uh, pigman bruiser. Your cheek, your cheek, you should nerve you. They should nerve arcade mages. Uh, Nerf Mager. Just nerve pages, broke and busted. Now he is going to race forward and... Barry?

Tuss is going to move diagonally and attempt to charge through knuckles. I needed a dodge out of the way for him. To get to the other side of them? Yeah, to get to the other side. Okay. Oh God. Thanks for the be a chump. Oh god, no!

Oh, no. Oh, two. Plus zero, two. I think you're the chump. You're gonna take. take only two points of charge damage, but you are knocked down. I reduce it by three.

Yeah, he took damage. They don't do a lot of damage. They're slippery. And I've moved him through Nuss. Thank you, thank you. And finally, no! Oh, it's fine.

Can Newton do anything as you continue to tell a story? I mean, it just says they can't move until they take damage. No, he's basically out of the fight, yeah, until he takes damage. They are actually awake and feel everything. Yeah, that's just wild. That's totally, that's just, oh yeah, that's the wildest story. That's the wildest story. I love it. It's cool.

Nicky neutralized him. He's neutralized. Knuckles, you're up. You know, I knew your best friend, Enzo, was a bad influence. I'd get up. But you're gonna get the knuckles, and I'm gonna- Give him the knuckles. Oh, boy, we're not rolling very hot. Eight?

That does not hit. No. Just, you stay right there, please don't use that metal chain. Tiffany, you're up. Tiffany is, well, I'm going to move over here. Yeah. Well, with spells. Can I just keep using spells?

Is it not like concentration? You have a lot. You use five a day. So you've used one. So, but do they have to be at range or can you do them? No, you're good. I mean, you just put yourself in danger. We'll walk over here, continuing to talk to Barry.

Okay. Or not Barry. Oh, Newton. Newton. And then she'll look up at Randy. Excuse me, are you listening? Do you know who I am? He's like in the middle of light.

You're like that. Hello. He's just ignoring you. Oh my god. So when I was three, and so she's just going to start going off and she's going to cast sleep on him as well. Oh shit. Talking to.

All right, DR 14, let's go. What is up with these guys? Wow, that's crazy. Tiffany. No. That's really crazy. No. No, I rolled it too. That's all right. He's deaf to your word. He continues to engage. Two plus one. Two plus three is five. Fourteen. It's high because it's, you know, powerful. I try to counterattack and I just, I think to myself, there's no way he'll see this coming.

There's no way he'll miss right now. There's no way you'll miss it. Get him. You got him. You won't miss. 15 and it rolled to a five. It rolled to a five. You don't miss so much as you are just being countered by everything. Everything time I think I have him, he catches my blade. And every time I think he has me, I catch his blade. You got him, Danny. We're locked in

his mirror battle. Exactly right. Gary, you're up. I see my friend Andy, and I would have given him an opening. I am going to bury bad Barry. You know what? You're not even worth my time. You miss my gooch. You miss my good bears. Good day, sir. Am skate away.

Okay. And I'm going towards uh, towards number one. Yeah. And I'm going to try to... Easy. I'm trying to just roll believe beneath his legs

and just give him a nut punch to hopefully double him over. Okay, okay. And give Andy a cuda grama. You do a really cool move where you like skate against the side of the cabinet just as you, uh, just before you scoot underneath Andy.

Ooh. Randy's legs. Yeah, well, I missed him. I missed him. He's really, he's really slippery. He's really stupid. It's fast, man. Yeah, no, I wasn't trying to punch your nuts because I just wanted to talk.

I want to talk, man. That's it. Randy jumps into the air as the, Gary's turn ends. He leaps up. A gold sheen arriving as his blade, these slashes down, making a vertical slash attack. Plenty. Plenty. I got 17 to get out of the way.

He pushes in. and whispers into you. You've been studying the blade too, haven't you? I can't believe you thought I'd fall for that jackass. And Barry is going to scoot back, and he's going to... What are you going to do, cast magic at me? Idiot? He can line up here.

He lines up right there, yep. What are you going to do cast magic at us in a line? You dumb idiot? You're the dumb idiot. Of course I'm going to cast magic at you. Oh, fuck. I didn't think it actually fucking do it. Ah!

Special beam cannon. His finger turns red. I need you to avoid the finger of doom. What the fuck? He's actually a wizard. I just dressed like, I play with on TV. What the f. Oh, I need a what?

You just rolled dodge. Try to get out of the way. Can you use a different dye? Ooh, that 10. Not good enough. A 10. You see this beam of red flash outwards and some of your stuffing finally comes free

is you take an additional four points of, uh... Is that not armor? Can I use armor again? It's four points of damage coming to, uh, coming in. Oh, yeah, I mean, you basically just get right, yes. Yeah, no, but, oh, guys don't get on him. Oh, okay. He's guys fucking suck.

Our booze alone is just tanked. Yeah, you literally just blasted a hole in my jingo jeans, and I'm not gonna do it down. My stinky old jingo jeans are. It actually looks cooler. Got the lines of the fabric, right? My tithy-wise is broken through now. I'm here, Gary.

Oh, my God. I recognize those underwear. We have a washer and dryer in our building, man. Yeah, but you know when they put it at the washer drives? Quarters. Quarters. Our landlord puts fire ants in those things. I can't get ants in my pants.

There's a whole game about that while you can't get ants in your pants. Tusks turns around, and he pulls out a Motorola razor, and he flips it open, and he makes a quick call. and he's yeah yeah pa yeah yeah this guy this guy he made fun of them all and he stole my beer i'm gonna give him the chains here comes the chains and he slashes down with the well with the chains in the Verizon store but because he's got momentum the damage could be more if you don't make it so i will the 12 that's just enough yeah i i'm i don't even dodge he just totally misses i'm so enamored that he can a full or the new brandy razor.

I'm gonna get him. And finally, Newton is still asleep. You can't do anything. He's out. So he's just basically drooling and snoring on one of the cabinets and that's the end of his turn. Knuckles, you're up. Give me that.

And I lunge for his razor, but I accidentally go and punch him instead. Please tell me that's that's 15. Oh, come on, it's got to get enough. Yeah, Tuss isn't that fast. Only, only Randy has the special of Heidi. This is bullshit. Um

2 plus 6 8 damage 8 damage Fantastic Um that's the tusks That's the tusks Okay

You punch him And he drops the razor Which slides into the floor Nearly coming to rest Just in front of one of the cabinets nearby And you can see that He's on the edge Just from this one massive punch that you've done

That's my turn Ow! Fuck! Tiffany, you're up. I am standing next to Newton, and he is asleep. Can I take his alcohol? Oh, yeah. It's slipping in his hand. You can see a few drips are coming out.

You would be able to take it, I'd say, without issue. I wouldn't make you roll an attack or anything. You could grab it as a free action and down it as a free action. Let's go. Well, great. Fantastic. I'm going to take his alcohol. He's been Newton realized.

I just really don't like the way you're not listening to me. And then I'm going to turn towards Randy. And I really don't like the way you're not listening to me either. And I'm going to grab my skateboard and I'm going to smack him in the back of the knees. Okay. Roll the hip. No. This Randy guy's really a strong fighter.

He's a very powerful fighter. Andy. He's not that strong. Gary. He's just fast. I'm trying to him this time. Get him, Andy. Get him.

I know you'll get it this time. You'll get him. You've got it, Andy. I don't have a 25% chance. You'll get it. Don't worry, don't worry. Ha! 13.

13. 13 beers of the local cheese, but not enough to hit. He counters once again, and you are shocked by the, um, the equality of the match that you are facing. The, uh, the, uh, every single blow, uh, his stamina, identical, his flex, uh, flexibility, his athleticism. You've seemingly met your match. That's a generic. Gary. Newton.

And I think, how very fitting for Newton to die in sleep, seemingly by old age or natural causes, but probably actually on account of mercury poisoning due to his alchemical hobby. Another time for your help is I try to nut punch. I'm gonna, oh. Who are you net punching? Newton. Yeah, Newton. Are you gonna wake him on?

No, no, no. Randy. Randy. Randy. But I miss. Okay. I got 12. You miss.

Damn. Um, Randy. Randy is just very fast. I gotta go on this guy. Oh, I wanna use my movement. As soon as we like down one of the two of these guys, the tide's gonna turn. Yeah, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna turn around.

You know what? Andy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Randy's way too strong and powerful and handsome and like really skilled. I gotta give it up. I gotta give it. I can't help you anymore. I can't help you anymore.

Okay, Barry, I'm back on you. I do you big old bitch. Um, Randy, uh, uh, He faints and he lets one of your slash attacks go wide and then he comes in for a piercing stabbing attack Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh god, here it comes. You're fine You're an actual 20. You got a fucking 20 I easily get out of the way with a dirty 20

He says something about you being a jackass and then Very quickly as you're in the middle of combat he pulls out a Digimon and he quickly feeds his a monster and then slides it back into his pocket. Then Barry, he turns to Gary and he goes, Big bitch! You're the big bitch! And he attempts to give you the... He attempts to give you the gooch punch.

Well, see about that. Someone's getting punched with the gooch. I think about 10. Okay, you've got five mage slab damage coming into your gooch. I mean, I'm already drunk enough for that and don't do nothing. Yeah. Oh, it doesn't do anything.

No. No, we have armor and we're wasted. Oh, does this damage? Absolutely. Oh shit. Absolutely. Wow. Okay. Then he should probably be using finger of doom more. Tusks is going to attempt to hit you with the bike chain. He's here. He's going to do another charge attack and race through and attempt to knock you down again. I'm ready for it this time, Tusks. Fool me twice. Shame on me! Go ahead and roll the dodge. Oh, and I, it's terrible.

Seven. You take, or incoming, six points of damage. Nothing. But I'm not prone. And because he hit, I'm going to make note of this. And Newton is still asleep. Is he not going to be prone still? Oh, yes, he does. He does.

Because. Oh, he fooled me twice. Knuckles, you're up. You think you're better than me because your dad's a bookie and you can afford Verizon? I try to smash his phone. That's very funny. As a free option interaction. Or would that be an action?

I'm not going to make you roll. I'm not going to make you use your action, but I still think that there's a chance that you could fail at this. So I want you to make a, what are our roles? Presence is the catch-all. Strength, agility, presence is that what you're trying to do. I think you need to make an agility check in the heat of combat to see if you can smash it.

10. 10? I'm going to say that that's enough. The DR was gonna be very low, but it's on its face as one of these open clamshell faces and you're able to crack it and actually flatten it against the soft carpet, the patterned carpet of the local cheese floor.

God, that's a cool man, actually. Hey, you, you, you, you, how can you do that to my phone? Yeah, I mean, that's pretty fucked up, man. Those are so expensive. They're so expensive. I was talking to my paw. As sprints coverage may not be as good, but it's good enough for me.

Me! And I punch him. I am rolling terribly. Yeah. 11? Yeah. 11 is just under what you need. You need to get that 12.

We can't roll higher than a 10. Yeah. I'm rolling really high on my dodges, but out of my attacks. Same. Well, no, not even same. It's a free object interaction that we have. Yeah. I'm gonna drink the drink in my flask.

You pull the flask out and you drain the contents. Puts me at seven. Putting you at seven, which is not our next break. Oh, it is? Oh, it is? Absolutely it is. Outstanding. So you're gonna roll a D20. We're gonna see what happens. Five.

One moment, where is it? Oh, this is gonna be good. This is a... Satisfact. You are unlucky. Negative one to all rolls. Oh! Brutal. That's...

That's brutal. Okay. But that is not the conclusion of your turn. You just start to feel like, oh wow, maybe a small doll such as your... yourself shouldn't be consuming this much liquor. You watch as the little dial on Tiffany's back turns and her hair gets longer, she's totally here Tiffany. As her hair gets significantly longer,

but she starts to trip on it as she's stumbling around drunkenly. But she continues to, I still have something I can do, yeah? Yeah, you get your action. So I will stumble around, stumbling into the calves of Randy as I'm looking up to him. And like, I totally could have been a physicist. if I wanted to or a doctor or an astronaut or they wanted to be an attorney or I wanted to and I'm going to try and cast sleep on him.

Okay. On whom? Randy. Thank you. Four. Oh, man. Oh, I really bought it. A three.

A three. To be fair. Being locking combat with Randy, I look him in the eyes and I say out loud to everybody. You know, everybody thinks that because I'm the main character, I'm going to sit here and keep fighting you. But this is called character growth. Bitch, and I push him away, and I go for tusks. And I'm going to make an attack on tusks. Okay.

He thinks he's better than us, Andy. Slice him in half. It was a 19. You got this. You got it. Oh. Oh, it's a one. I fumble my katana.

Oh, shit. It was a 19, and it hit the mat, and it rolled dual one. I can't believe. I'm the unlucky one. Yeah. Yeah, I fumble, and the katana. What does it fumble mean? My weapon could break or I could drop it and lose it.

And how to find it? You swing down and Tusks sees you coming from a mile away. You announced your attack. I shouldn't have announced my plans. And he looks his chain around the katana that you've been holding and pulled it free from your hands and it flies over the cabinet off into another lane some distance away. Uh-oh. That's my turn. Uh-oh.

Gary, you're up. Andy, Knuckles, let's triple team this pig. No. No. No. No.

No. We're going to, we're going to, oh, sorry. I was confused. I moved to the right square, but I was focused on the wrong person. My bad.

My bad. Let's triple team this ding-dong pig. I'm in. Find me up. What are you doing? What are you doing? You got to roll. for it.

Not much of me since. Natural toilet. Yes! Yes! Finally! Finally! This big is about to get spit roasted. Oh no.

Jesus, Gary. Oh, man, those are inside thoughts. Come on. Now to get spit roasted, it's just a good out of you, stuff some fruit in this mouth and spit roast them. Oh my no. The fire licks his high. What does that look like?

You just punching him in the balls? I do a... You just... He's facing the other direction. Surio! He's making instant contact and Tusks falls down unconscious. He... His eyes roll up into his head.

He drops his chain. He falls to his knees and he slams forward onto the arcade floor, completely knocked out. He's gone. That's right, bitch. Well done. Yeah, Kerry's got him! Let's go!

Yeah! High five, Gary, and the high five numbers. Good work, guys. The Ivil Tower has six legs. What? I can't be right. We keep fighting. You see Randy,

and he is insulted that you have left this epiduel that you were having. He was enjoying the sword fight, and he looks around, He's like, guys, get it together. We have to win this fight. And he turns his cap around one more time, but throws it this time into the air,

and it flashes into gold, sparkles, rain down. Suddenly Newton wakes back up. Tusks does not come back to life, but everyone seemingly empowered by Randy's rallying cry as their damage goes up significantly in this moment. I don't sound of anything like that. Oh, fuck. Randy

Races forward And He's one I mean yeah He's right next to me He's gonna jump around Flip his sword twice And then slash down with

Yeah Attack Uh Natural 20 Yeah I get out of the way And Oh yeah

He's a camera attack Oh yes but I'm a weapon Uh I will still Yes I will I will I have seen Gary Nut Punch people

so many times. But as I dodge out of the way, I get super low and I come up with a super upper cut in attempt to yell out your special move, Andy. You got a yes now. We go down. Punch! Yeah! Good job, Andy! Was it one of the chances I won in 400 this? There's no way. No, I miss. Wait, what did you get? I got a five. A five, okay. You get the sense that having spent his golden cap energy in order to reinvigorate his friends that his armor has dropped down to 12.

Thank God. I got another plan, but it's not going to happen this turn. That is, uh, Randy's turn. Barry, uh, is back out over here. Right next to Gary. Um, he's, uh, oh, you're going to get it, you bitch. You're going to get it this time. I'm going to use two fingers. He's, of course, you're both pervers. They both, uh, glow red and you need to dodge from, uh, two beams coming right at you. Yeah, you would need two fingers.

Dodge out of the fucking way, my friend. Dodge out of the fucking way. You've got 15 damage coming coming. Nine. Oh, and then a 10. So I got two. 15 total damage. 15 total. Eight.

Reduce it by eight. Pick seven. Jesus. Seven points of damage. Oh, fuck. This time, the searing heat of his disintegration beams fly out of his fingers, slamming into you. You feel more than your jinkgo jeans go.

As you are hit by this significant attack. Newton, who suddenly wakes up. That's fucking cheating. He looks at his. His ball launcher and he goes I'm pointing this the wrong way And he turns it around and it looks like a rocket launcher as he suddenly We're fucked You're so fucking way

Where is four? He's in the back corner by Tiffany's in the back core he's gonna back up Yep five faces and he's going to launch This rocket flies towards you Tiffany Oh no Dodge it dodging dodging dodging dodging dodging dodging Dodge, dodge, dodge. Okay, so I have to roll to dodge.

Yep. And your agility? So, an eight. An eight is not enough. You are going to take eight points of damage unless you can reduce it with your armor. Can, well. So you reduce it by the number of drinks you can see.

So I can reduce it by seven. And then you roll 1D2 for your armor. To see you reduce it. There's no way. Roll these X and you can just, can I get a coin? Oh. You know what? I have two of these.

This is yours. Great, great, great, great. Happy birthday. Thank you. So I reduce it to zero. You take nothing. Yeah, there's no way that you couldn't have taken. Oh yeah.

I know. That's Newton's turn and he is no longer asleep thanks to Randy's Rally and Cry. Knuckles, you're up. Andy, you're all katana. I know, I know. I'm working on the backup plan. You need a weapon. Here, until you figure something else,

something else, take this. And I'll give you my Nokia. Oh, sweet, man. It's probably better than this. even a fucking brick. Thank you. Who? What's his name is?

You know, I'm just going to keep focusing on tusks. I'm going to go in for a punch. He's done. He's done. He didn't get reszed by the rally and cry. Everybody else just sort of got reset and their damage. He didn't think you're so tough. No, it's touched you yet.

Try to dodge this. And I'm going to punch him. That's a finally a 21. Nice. Try to dodge what? Did it ready? Take Randy. Oh, hell yeah.

Do you want to move like here? Yeah, yeah. Move up to Randy. can. Yeah. You can move through. You got plenty of movement. Or actually, no, is Galileo up? Newton is back on here, but he's way back here. He just tried to, he just tried to nuke. If you'll let me change my attack. That's not you. Oh, sorry, sorry. You were, you were right here next to me. I'm going to, if I can walk over Tiffany. Yeah, you can. I think I would be upset that this guy is, is mocking my dear friend Galileo.

That's right. I'm very happy with you transferring the damage. He's gonna hit you so hard that you're gonna die in your sleep. I explode 50% of the time and I've yet to explode on all four right now four episodes. Oh no. That is a two plus six which is eight damage. Eight damage. It's pretty good. Newton's like, dude, like what is your problem? And you hit him and knock him out in one punch.

He falls backwards and crashes in the arcade floor. You're able to instantly put it down. Inventing physics and shit. Should I just remove them from the field since I can't flip them over? No. No. I'll leave them out. Oh yeah you can't flip them over. I should I should have. That's okay. Don't worry about it. You can you can mark them as a dead side. We go. Yeah, we only have these tokens one time mark them as dead. Okay. And then you can just X. Yeah. And I'll cross him off here off of my list.

Um, you hear Randy turn. Newton, no! And that is the conclusion of Knuckles' turn. She's a little waist. She's a little little white girl waistlet. On those calls, ain't no lollands. And I just like, I just really want my other shoes because heels hurt me. And I'm going to lumber forward with my skateboard and attempt to attack Randy again.

Yeah, crush this guy. I ain't going to be a dog walker instead of a physicist. And then I'm going to, yeah, attempt to smack him. with a two. A negative one and a negative one, so a zero. A zero. That's a critical failure. Oh.

No, it's only if you roll a one. Only if you roll a one. It's just like a fumble. Okay. You have to roll a one. Thank you. So it's not the value or lower. That makes sense.

That makes sense. You unfortunately whiff. Yeah, I do. But I can do other things, right? Yeah. You can move. You have a- Oh, okay.

Yes. So I would have moved this way. were hurt, right? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, no, I'm literally like the great gonzow after holding a bomb or something. Gary, you look really beautiful. Oh, thank you, Tiffany. You've never been the last to me before. Oh, thank you.

Oh, you were talking to Gary. Yeah, get the fuck out of you. I thought you said Barry. You know, she could have been a physicist. Our names are very similar. You could, she could have been a physicist. Oh, no, she's gagging. Oh, Barry, your best smells terrible.

What? Gary. You're bleeding and I'm gonna hand you my Sunny D. Just a little bit of Sunny D among us. Oh, Sunny D. Oh, thank you, Tiffany. That's a long. You're so nice. You're so nice. And she's just gonna cry.

And so you can restore 2DHP if drunk. 2D what? 2DHP. Yeah, you just drink it and you'll... Oh, there's 2? Like a D2. Hell yeah, oh, D-2. Roll, yeah, you flip one.

Hell yeah, thank you so much, Tiffany. I'll drink it off my turn, don't worry. I'm listening, I'm listening. I look down to where Tuss has fallen over, and I want to pick up his chain. And he can to wield it against Randy. Oh, that's a way quick. Yeah.

No, I put the Nokia in my back pocket, and I say, I say, Nuckles, I'm going to make you proud. And I pick up this chain, and assuming that it's a melee weapon, D6. I attempt to just thrash Randy with a metal chain. This is no 10,000 times folded Japanese steel, but this will do.

Oh, no, Andy. You're having a rough night. You whip it forward. Every other roll-making in that. And he turns, and with his golden sword, he holds it up. And he manages to catch the chain mid-air, sliding it out in a shriek of sparks. And he's anticipated your every move. Gary, you're up.

It's almost like he's me. Tiffany, thank you. Look, look, look, look. Can you hold my hair back? I think I'm going to be sick. I got a one. I get one hit point. One hip point.

I get one hip point. Sometimes that's all you need. Tiffany, can I, can I hold your, can I hold your hair back in a little bit? Okay. You know, Tiffany, you're, you've been really nice to me just now. Thank you.

You know, I'm sorry that you were to physicist. I'm sorry that there were no, there was no goal. in the hills, no platinum, in those pretty pills, just werewolves, toss a dollar bills, and the wine darks the amount. What? As I go over to Barry.

Over here. Okay. I just try to nut punch him. 12 or higher. My God, minus 1 to 12. You're good. That's just enough. Four.

Yeah, take your mouth. That's max. So then seven. Same punch. Seven. Nine. You roll 2D4, right? Yeah, but that exploded.

So you roll three. So that's one, right? You rolled three. Oh, that's right, yeah. So you rolled three. So nine plus five is 14 points of damage. 14 points of damage. You punch him in the nuts so hard.

He starts to moan and wail. Oh! I can't believe I got punching the nuts by another wizard. Yeah. I don't even fucking bad. I can't believe that you have defeated me, you big bitch. You cheated you the fucking magic. I can't believe that you would defeat a,

A wizard. I just drank a fucking son of D. I know you did. I must, I must away. Let's go to Wizard Heaven. We know you're going to fucking Wizard. Reborn as a, as, as Whiteberry. No, no, no, no.

I'm Greyberry right now. No, you're, you're more like Sauron man. As is tradition. Your spirit, no, no, no, no. After you can stab you back by reuben word tongue, and through a little tar, little God is going to blood up your spirits away. What I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

The ritual, and you're gonna try to- I gotta give you my-office to-dust, guys, what the fuck are you talking to say? I'm trying to say, a wind, to blow your spirit away, you big bitch. He reaches into his- Okay, I gotta go, I still have my move in. He reaches into his pouch, and you see he produces his orb.

Oh no. Oh, God, no. So, Gary. Yeah. I always loved you. Dick my arm. I gotta say, that a little vatars really sparked by by banishing your essence with the holy winds my essence

has been banished yeah well i hope you die you big bitch oh you are not okay i always wanted to talk to you about phoenix arizona well well go die now okay go bye garin no no no no no no no no no no no no sorry he dies that is the greatest death that's ever happened on this guest. He'll die. He's done. Oh, I still got some movement. Okay, I'm back, Tiffany.

I can hold your hair. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, since you gave me that, oh, you said you needed a knife, you need a knife to cut something? Did they could just die? Yeah, he died. He left him with a little. Yeah, and his spirit trying to reconstitute it to another body, but in Rue Alubatar. Did you say Lovitan? I love a good Lovita.

That's not true. That's not true. What do you mean? make it up lies. You know what I'm not dead yet? No, Rue Luma Tava added you to have. Oh, all right, all right, fine. There's no Jinnets to where you're going. You bitch. Randy's the only person left.

We gotta take this guy here. That all six seconds. Brilliant. That all takes six seconds. And he turns and he only has eyes for one. It's Andy. I'll roll another natural 20 to get out of the way. He rotates his sword in his hand a couple more times.

I'm gonna get you, Andy! I'm gonna get you! And he runs forward and he tries to drive it into your chest. Yeah, this will be the one that gets me. Uh, yeah, I only got a 11 to get out of the way. He gets me, finally. You've got 12 damage incoming. I'll reduce it by nine and take three. Okay, not that.

It cuts into you. He definitely draws blood. Yeah, he doesn't quite strab into you, but you feel like those blades graze against you and you're hurting. But he is, you've defeated his friends. He's got the bloodlust now. Knuckles, you're up. Get him with this guy!

Get him! Get him! I'm gonna try to like, from behind, grab him and choke him out, flavoring my unarmed strike with my... Yeah. I miss. Why is he so friends? He dodges out of the way easily, Tiffany.

You need to cut something, he's my pocket notch. Here we go, there's a free arm, I'll break in the ration. What do I cut? I just saw someone die in front of me. Oh, you could. Wait, who's still alive? Randy.

Just Randy. Oh, you can use that and you move that open. It's really good against like hamstrings and the tenting behind, like above the heel. So I can be a, it could be a doctor if I want? Yeah, yeah, but, you know, there was no gold in them hills, no platinum in them. Pretty pills. Just we're old toss a doll bills of the wine dark sea of Alabama.

What? So no. Just go cut, just go cut Randy's Achilles tendon with that. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll run, I'll run toward Randy, like, almost completely feral, and I will just leap into the air and try and ram the knife into the back of his knee. Okay.

And then, like, slide down and cut us. He doesn't see you coming. He's engaged in combat with Andy. And Knuckles. 16. 16 hits. And you would have hit even if he had an half hour. Keep this guy sculling.

Okay, so what do I roll for the knife? Oh, yeah. What's it? Yeah, you got to get some pocket back. damage. It doesn't actually have it in the table, but you can make it up whatever it is. I'm gonna give it a D4. I think that's okay. I think it's fine. I remember I'm gonna D4. Yeah, you roll a D4 if you get fours you keep going. Two. Okay. Plus my seven. Plus your seven. Huge damage. Nine. Nine. Nine points of damage. He had one hit points since Gary's first round when he

initially pushed him in the knot. Oh, you clobbered his ass. He's just been holding on my fucking thread. All you need to do you was hit the slippery bitch. I'm gonna how do you want to do this? So Tiffany, as she's running, um, Her hair is very long and Gary is still holding it back for her. She's gonna look towards him and she's- This one's for you Gary. Oh, you're gonna She's gonna run up and just stab into his leg and then slide it all the way down and cut his just cut it all over Oh my artery

Wow Oh You can go die now you big bitch I think he's bleeding out There's like blood everywhere like she's covered in blood Good job, good job. There's a really gruesome one minute scene where we all watch Randy bleed out. And he just, he just dies.

And Tiffany in her 12-inch form is just standing over him heaving, holding the blade. And you look around as the forms of your foes. All of them are slumped or dead or crushed against the floor of the local cheese. And when they start to blink and they disappear transforming into token. tickets and other trappings. That was bloody, but I guess it's true what they say. If you make it out alive, hold that bloody head up high. I'm missing a sleeve and the zero's like slashed

and I'm bleeding from my chest. There's some blood in the core of my mouth. I walk over to knuckles and I give them back to Nokia. The chain drops out of my hand here. Thanks, dude. Ah, you know. You all right? No, I mean, I feel fine.

I just skinned my knee up real bad twice. I don't know what's wrong. know what's wrong with me tonight. I couldn't hit those bouncers and I couldn't hit that jackass Randy. Then I lost my sword. Oh, do we get to add a knife? I had a feeling that old cuss would fall into a bad crowd and given that this is the 90s and gang violence. It was all but inevitable. You know, what the hell's wrong with those guys? You know, they wanted to kill us, but I mean, we literally killed them dead. I mean, you saw what happened to fucking bury. I think his eternal soul was was wiped out by

kind of elephant's god. I mean, they started it. They did. But is it. Can it be true? One of the seven Palapiri, now scenes is the fall of Nupador. I need you each to roll a D4. I'm fixated on the oar that's left behind. I need you each to roll a D4 and a D6. That's the number of tokens that you get and the number of tickets that you get. I got four tickets and five tokens. D4? I got one of each. Wait, which one is the D4? D4 is tokens.

Wait, did my negative 1 roll? No, no, no, only the 2. And again, the drunk effects last about an hour until the DM says you're good to go. Okay. D4 tokens. Yep. One, two, three, four. I got a 3 and 6.

Not bad. That's how many you take. Additionally, Randy's Digimon remain. Barry's LED Heli's remain. The motor roll of razor was destroyed, and you find a stick of old spice where the body of Newton wants that. I'm going to pick up his Digimon

and I'm going to say, Digimon, what a loser. I'm going to pull it my Tamagotchi and I'll stick them both back in my back in my back. Digimon fucking sucks. You heard me chat, it fucking sucks. And it doesn't make any sense. You all level up. Whoa! Yeah! And I believe that that means we can apply classes finally. Hooray!

Yay! I should have done this so many hours ago. So, Nicky, what you'll get to do is just pick two more additional spells. Yay! because you already have your class and you're all basically good to go. You just get to add two more spells to your features. Gary Goodberry, we'll go first. What you guys will already know is the class adjustments are already reflected in your stats on your new camera sheet. Can you hand this to Richie?

And do you have yours? Well, no, so if we're officially leveling up, we can do roles, but I was going to treat this as... Oh, it's not a level up. It's a class item. Yeah, you're going to get a significant power increase. because of the way that you're leveling up anyway. I see, I see, I see. But you'll each get to, you'll get to choose three spells as your features. You already have your exploding dice feature.

You'll notice that on your second page. Yes. But you'll get to pick an additional feat. So look at your second page. Oh! Let's start with you, actually. Let's start with you actually. Read your class, read your little adjustments,

and then look through your, look through your features. My class is the rock steady. My abilities are plus two strength. Which you did for me already. So it should already be calculated in your strength. I'm pretty sure. 18 plus 3 or plus 4? It should be plus 3.

Plus 3. Got it. Yep. That's the max. Then I will do, then it's plus 1 toughness, which I got. Yep. And I'm up to a plus 1 on toughness. Which is great.

Minus 1 presence. So it's real bad still. Which brings me down to a 6 presence, which is minus 2. Oh no, it should be even lower than that, because I'm, I'm at six currently. So I'm going to make this a five. That's going to be minus three, right? No.

Maybe not. No. Okay. Four and three are the lost. Got it. And then a minus one mana, which is a new stat that I have. So my mana is an eight. I got demo expert, which is your dice explode, which was a feat that I have.

You already had that. So it's just part of your features of your class. Iron liver. My toughness is increased by plus one. You can choose any, you can choose another one of any. those. Oh, I can choose another one of these. Yep, you have to choose one. Some of them have effects that if you pick more than once, they get better.

So 14 does not get me to plus two, doesn't it? I don't think so. I'll check. I'll check. I'm checking. I'm checking. I don't think so. Then I can choose beer belch when in melee range, belts just dagger an opponent. Reduce the DR to hit them by minus two for the combat. Cannot use again until you consume a large amount of alcohol.

And then Fiss of Fury, your unarmed attack, attack, steal, 2D4 and I cannot fumble them, which is basically Gary's... Yes, and so what I did was I shuffled these around, so Gary doesn't have Fis of Fury anymore because he has been managed. So I added Fist of Fury to your class because I felt like it was more appropriate. Would my knuckles add to this? Or was that a separate weapon?

My brass arm, you know, I think it can add to it. Why not? Okay. Why not? All right, all right. We're probably not playing this campaign for a while, so why not? I will... I will consider beer belts and fist of fury.

Yeah, figure it out. Gary, why don't you tell us a little bit about your class? I am a Pizzball wizard. A Pizz. That's what it says. The Peeble wizard. I'm sorry. Peeble wizard.

I'll stare at his orb. I'll say, you know, Andy, ever since I was a young boy. Yeah. I played the silver ball. Oh, yeah? All seven. Made by Nodor in El-Dimar during the year of the trees. What?

You've never told me about this before ever. Why is this coming up now? From Amman Seul to Elosterion, I used to play them all. Did you get hit in the head? You don't make it much sense, dude. Your clothes to look, too. The orb calls to me. Okay. Dude, your belt's falling off. Man, you're a mess.

What are you gonna fix you up here, buddy. Whoa, what the hell is that? And his mouth is moving, so it's sound. Ah, can't keep that thing away for me. It's unsettling. Fought number two. Um, I think I can cast a spell or something. Yeah, you get to pick three spells. Oh, you get to fit three?

Yeah. Whoa. So both you and Nikki both should have three spells to use them. You're gonna have to roll a D2 and add your manna to see how many spells you can cast today. Oh, D2. D2. D2 plus mana spells for the day. for the day. Okay, one plus mana. Your modifier on is. Plus two.

So three spilt for the day. Yep. Three spills for the day. I think I'm selecting, I think I'm selecting AOE heel, bolt, and lightning storm. Love it. Awesome.

Now what? Guys, I think I became a fistball wizard accident. What does that mean, Gary? I feel like suddenly I can use Barry's orb. I feel like perhaps his accursed soul is trapped within. Whoa, what do you mean? Do you like absorb his power or something? I feel like I've absorbed his power. It is. I am in here.

God dang it! I thought we were talking to talk blew you all away. What the hell? I'm stuck in my orb until I regenerate and return. Dang it! Barry! I thought I would have to deal with you ever again after an account of a little ovitar. That's why I gave you my orb and with my secret to immortality. How could I learn such secrets?

You don't have an orb? Oh, I just took your own, you big bitch. You're a big bitch. This is my orb now. All right. Yeah, okay. You stay dead in there. You stay dead in there.

I'm staying, Gary. Don't make me call green a word tug on you. Oh, she. Are you, uh, are you feeling all right, Gary? levitate and the bogging them's on. I don't know what's going on, Knuckles. I'm concerned. I'm a little worried about him. You know, I was concerned when he was talking about spit roasting the fucking pig. Oh, we sure didn't spit roast that big. Why do you have to put it like that? We sure all gathered, we triple teams, all spread our lanes apart, all swarming the ice towel. And we spit roast that pig. Dude, that's knuckles like childhood friend, man. Like, yeah, I mean, well,

I don't know what else to say. Poor tusks. All I know is that in Minecraft we just turned that fucker into a pork chop. What the hell is my crap? You know, look, he started it. Is all I'm gonna say, it was self-defense, right? You're not ready for it, but your kids are gonna love it. That's very funny.

Well, I mean, we have a bunch more tokens now. And we got all these from a hype train earlier. Oh shit, yeah! Finally, I'll fight a hot golf honey playing Street Fighter 2. I look for a hot golf honey, Puppy Street Fighter. Make a presence test. I'm going to use all of my tokens to like win or something.

Presence? Ooh, a 12? A 12. You don't see any of the the game or the women that you're looking for, but you do look down the lane and you see Andy Smolkaton.

It is wedged having stuck itself directly into the counter of the ticket prize area where the prizes are normally collected for accumulated tickets. It has landed within almost this like shimmering dome of protection, even in this red light emergency lockdown state of the local cheese. You can see it glimmering there. It is there. Andy Scalder must be pulled from the token machine. Oh, I just remember Knuckles we left the game running. We're out of time. Oh! No, hold on, hold on.

Hold on. And I want to run to the cabinet to see if our game is still there or if we timed out because of the fight. You are shocked to find that you have second remaining. Oh my God! Hurry, Annie! Come on, come on, come on. Oh, my left arm's not as good as it was. We try to finish up our game of a rampage.

You are not unfortunately able to progress into the next screen. There was just too little time for you to get the points necessary in order to proceed. But you feel good that you were able to at least enjoy some of the Rampage 2 action. Cool. So this is not a ticket generating game. This is just more for fun. No, this is not a ticket generating game.

This is an arcade game. Everyone add four tokens to your inventory. Let's go. And then we have a spare two if you want to have a communal. I have ten tokens. Oh, hold on. Oh, I got a transfer reading over. You know, I think this is like the most.

Yeah, the only thing I didn't know is your token. There's no, I had no way of it. I had none of either. Um, and I think this is the most tokens I've ever had, and I can't even buy a damn beer. Oh, well, it's gotta be some way. You know, wait, hold on. Only... I just don't understand how you guys are like handling this so well.

We just killed people. Yeah, I mean, this is sort of like an every Friday night sort of thing. Yeah, you know, you don't, you don't kill people over Friday. You know? tell the cops it was self-defense and they got the other way. I feel inexplicably changed. People are walking by during the fight and just for being like, and like my soul, I feel different.

You never forget your first, frankly. No. I mean, once you killed somebody. Yeah. There's no going back. Can I tell you a secret about me? Like, can we share? Yeah.

I mean, I'd rather you didn't, but that's fine. You can. I liked it. Oh. Oh, yeah, of course. Everybody likes killing. It's pretty fun. I mean, duh.

It's a little shocking the first time it happens, but then you start to get a taste for it. Well, you gotta think about how every video game ever made almost is about killing shit. Yeah. It's about literally, I mean, there's nothing, but it's objectively true that you find joy watching the life and the light leaving someone's eyes.

Well, and, you know, my animal instincts say that I gotta kill. You know, because, like, the thing is that, like, I'm 12 inches tall, and I just took down that guy that was, like, your size. Yeah, I mean, you know, you kicked ass. Yeah. We could have done that without you.

Thank you. Yeah. You were saying about Louis Vuitton. Oh, Louis. Louis. Louis Vuitton. What about him? I don't know.

You were saying something about it. Like, can we go there and get more beer? You said Louis Vuitton like eight times, dude. I must have been possessed by the power of the old. Oh, can I have those helies? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's dead, so he don't need them.

He don't need a little. Nobody else wants them. They're, like, super fashionable. I'm really in right now. They're all yours. Well, I'm more of a rollerblade guy. Are they gonna fit on your feet? I mean, no offense, but they kind of shaped you.

Very permanently like that. I have to always wear heels. And it's a really judging subject for me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to wear heelies. Died in prison. Yeah, she died saying,

Gag, Gat, Gat, Gat. But honestly, like, to be fair, I think my feet will be fine. I have the skateboard. Does anyone want it? I got to find my katana. Oh, I'll take the skateboard. Tiffany, you are conveying the access to the skateboard, and you put your first foot into the human-sized healy,

or the doll-sized healy. And it forms perfectly, shrinking it to accessory size, a Cinderella-style grappling onto your foot. It's like a perfect fit. Yeah. Yeah, it's still a heel. But it has a ball. You now have the ability to move rollerblade, healing style, and where you want.

These are like the greatest thing that I have ever owned. Not the skateboard. Oh, yeah, yeah. If you would mime. No, it's all yours. And you can keep that, you can keep that murder weapon. I mean, I mean, that knife. That knife.

I feel like, now that your fingerprints are all over instead of mine. I feel like, I mean, some kind of. of spoils of war, you know what I mean? But in my rhino rage, I destroyed his motorradoral razor. Oh, yeah. What, what is this? Oh, nothing. I'm just like showing you how cool my blade is.

It's covered in blood. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I mean, you killed that guy. You killed Randy. Let's flip it around. Yeah. You're not going to kill me, are you? I know we just met.

No. Of course I wouldn't. Why would I ever do that? All right, just making sure. Your accent is really fucking with me, because I keep wanting to go Peggy. You know? Yeah.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, you're usually using

that skateboard? Can I have the skateboard? Trade you a knife to kill guy for a skateboard? I mean, if you want to come get it. Yeah, okay, cool. Sounds good. Thanks.

Rear-re, excuse me. Excuse me. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna grab, I'm just gonna grab this skateboard right now. Gary? I'm just grabbing the skateboard. Can we talk about something really quickly? Uh, I mean,

I'm really thinking about how cool it would be I'm a skateboard right now. I'd be really cool to have a skateboard. We were talking about that. I just want to say thank you for what you did back there. Oh, of course you're not. I don't think I would have discovered who I was meant to be. No.

My true profession, because I've been searching since like 1960 something. Well, good, good. I mean, yeah, about all the hills and the pretty pills, the werewolves and all that. So, thank you. Yeah, yeah. We can be friends now. Oh, that's so nice, Tiffany. I'll just take this.

Even in public. Okay. Okay. Well, thank you, Tiffany. I'm so glad that I helped you develop your taste for killing. And now, I'm just going to just let me just scooge off badly and gagged and I think to all escape more real quick. Fellas, what do you think gals are doing right now? I don't know, but we gotta pick up the pace here.

I mean, if they're torturing, then we're wasting time. No, I mean, are you kidding me? I bet the priest is even giving his hobble yet. We got plenty of time. That's true. You think he's stuck in the mask? Oh, you're on. I mean that's how they would start to really break him down you know guys look at me I'm skating out a skateboard and I have my skate my roller blades on the skateboard

That's impossible I'm like poly kite you're gonna break a leg My hero poly kite I can finally emulate him Polly is this the reference I'm not giving holy kite Yeah Polly kite is my favorite I also love playing Polly kite pro skater Tony Hawk? That's, that's, that's a wild... I don't know, that's very appropriate Tony at Hawksale.

You all watch is Gary burst into flames. The Arbicingers are... The Arbicingers is in the roof somewhere, and we know that the Catholic Church has him. Alright, with those two clues, maybe we can win tickets, and just like last time, we get a... time we get a big buster sword and we'll put some material in it and it'll somehow save the day. I don't know, man. I bet you they've changed everything. There's no way the prize

counter is even the same anymore, man. Well, let's go take a look at me. Where the hell is my sword? I mean, like, do we even know if the prize counter is even open right now? I mean, we're in lockdown. No, but Derry pointed it out and my sword is in the prime counter. I don't know. Yeah. Only he who has crippling depression and alcoholism may pull the sword. immediately wrong. You race forward and... You run into the same ticket owner, the ticket master, Lenny,

who you recognized from last week. He is still wearing a thick black turtleneck. His face is very, very pale, as pale as the figure of death from the seventh seal, if you've ever seen that. And he's got these dark bags under his eyes and he just sort of turns in one motion and looks at you.

Hello, Andy. I don't look at him. I immediately go to where the sword is. It's lodged in a cabinet? It is lodged into the actual ticket table behind the barrier that essentially separates people. It's essentially fallen into the prize count of area. I'm looking past him and I just say, hey, like, and I'm like, I'm very intent. looking at the, I got it, I gotta get my, I gotta get my sword, man.

Hey, lady, good to see you. How's, how's Jimmy doing? Hello, Knuckles. He's still good? Jimmy is fine. You know, I'm trying to catch a show. Your friend Andy's sword fell into my ticket prize area. It's right over there, I just, I need it. I just, can I get it? Let me just go back there and grab it. I can't give it to you right away. I need to, uh, it is part of the rules of the ticket counter that I give only things for tokens, uh, for tickets.

No, no, no, no, no, it's mine. It's right there. I just, I just kind of grab it. I know, but it flew into my ticket. prize area. Well, I'm... We got four tokens from the Twethe. Oh, okay. I just want to make sure I put it in the right spot. I mean, but, but, okay, but you know it's mine. It flew back there by accident.

I'll give you one ticket for it. I can part with it for one ticket. I will also give you these plastic vampire teeth. I don't want the vampire teeth. No, no, no. Fine, I'll take the teeth as well. These are the rules of the ticket counter. One ticket. I get both.

And he, yes, exactly correct. Done! And I rip a ticket off of my roll of four, and I give him one, and I... He hands you the plastic teeth as part of the exchange, and gives you back your sword, and you have your Molkata on back. You know, thank you, but also kind of a dick move, man, and I'm just holding these vampire teeth, and I kind of sheathe my sword back. The prize counter demands that you exchange things for tickets.

I had to give you something. Okay, whatever, man. Who wants these? You earned him, and I give him to Tiffany. You know, where it is around the local cheese that your friend is being tortured by the Catholic Church. God damn it, I knew it! What? Where is he?

They're torturing him? Yes, he's up on the roof right now. The roof? How do we get up on the roof? Well, you're going to have to go and reach the elevator, and there will almost certainly be a considerable amount of side-sproller combat. They almost certainly have a full 17th century Italian Renaissance torturing kit. It's the only way that lockdown will end is when the end of his life arrives.

What? What? It's the local cheese way. Who? That's never been this way. Yeah. Well, they're going corporate now. Who's making all these changes?

The corporation, the local cheese. And also Reggie is out of control. Reggie. I knew he was behind all this. He never liked Gow. He never really liked any of us, but he especially hated Gow. Alright, at least with corporate funding, are there at least some cool prize options? Oh yes, we have a number of prize options. Would you like me to describe them for you?

In excruciating detail, please. Just one moment, I will pull them up. I have a sticky buzzer hand. Oh. I have the aluminum bat. That's very effective. That worked out for me well last week. No, yeah, no, that didn't. Yeah, last one was pretty crazy.

Remember when I died last week? Can I interest you in this set of metal shiricans? What? You guys sell shiricans? Yes. How much is that? The metal shiricans are 40 tickets. What?

Jeez, Luis. I don't think we're close. I have, I have, I have five. You have five tickets. I can offer you the sticky buzzer hand. No. What else you got? Let's see.

I've got the plastic vampire teeth. No, no. Not that I can afford. I'm like, what's the coolest shit you have? the most tickets. Oh, well, we do have a laser sword for 9,99 tickets. Oh, there's no way. Laser sword? Gala is gonna be long, tortured, and dead by the time we get 9,999 tickets. Yeah, there's definitely no way. We also have this virtual ping pong game. You can hook it up to your television and play virtual ping pong. You told us last week that that thing looked like it was cheap crap.

Yes, it is cheap crap. It costs 250 tickets. That's a scam, man. Do you still have the sample Oh yes the local cheese mystery beer box six-pack? Yeah. Yes. How many? That's nine hundred and ninety-nine tickets Do you have nights of the round? Nights of the round? Let me check. Yes Wow we'll take that one please. That's 500 tickets Ticket only 500 tickets with knights of the round I mean that's not that bad No, if we can get that we'll buy ourselves 15 minutes to save gown. I had to breed a gold chokobo in order to achieve it Wow, that's kind of a pervert, huh?

That's just the nature of the game. Ugh. Okay, a new plan. Where's this elevator? Oh, it's on the other side of the arcade floor. It's just this way. You should probably hurry. What was your name again? My name is Lenny. I've known you for many years, Gary.

Oh yeah, Lenny. You know Lenny. Yeah, you're always like trying to play chess. Yes. Why, I don't understand that. Would you like to play a game of chess with me? Uh, maybe not for a while. for a while. We gotta go. I mean, I feel like after that fight, I could kill a guy in a single fucking punch. All right, I'm right behind you. And I draw my katana and I look to see if I

can see where the elevator might be based on where you pointed. Uh, you make a presence check. Ah, that's gonna end poorly. Just kidding, I got 15. Uh, 15. You look and you realize that the elevator is not just visible, but, uh, it's self-evident. Uh, it's remarkable that you didn't see it this entire time, the spotlights flowing along the walls. This is like the final challenge in one of the Ninja Warrior television show where you see this scaffolding going all the way up, all of these lights flaring in all directions, and you see this massive elevator with all of these floating drones and helicopters all leading up towards the roof directly opposite of you on the arcade floor. I pointed out and I turn to knuckles and I say, all right, man,

I'm with you. We're going to save Galileo. Let's do this. We're gonna do it together. All right, is everybody end? I have fucking magic now! Hands in, here we go. I'm in! The Bishop of Rome's not gonna see this coming.

On the count of three. One, two, three. Forget it. And that's the rule end today's session. Oh! I stare off towards the prize counter. And I say, Andy, I see them, Andy. I see them.

Over there against the stormy sky, there they all. are the bouncer and randy the streamer fairy newton and tusks and the strict master lenny bids them dance he wants them to hold hand and to tread the dance in a long line and in the head goes the strict master with the scythe and the hourglass but the wizard brings up the rear with his orb they move away from the dawn and a solemn dance away towards the dark lands while the rain cleanses their cheeks of the salt from their bitter tears gary Why are you always saying weird shit?

Oh, sorry, I'm pretty fucking broke. And that's where all at tonight's session. Well done. Oh, at least running our day. Give it up for Nikki. Thank you, dear. Junk it in, not knowing what's going on, playing a hell of the game, being an all-star.

Oh, man. Well, well done. That was fun. That was a lot of fun. Thanks for run the session there. Thank you, Derek. Thanks for building the entire game. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventriss podcast.

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