Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 6 | Decked Out!

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

Andy is confronted by his past, and it tries to send him to the graveyard...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/q6LOxyDV2ag?si=NQ64KuV3833jttmg

We are Legends of Avantress. This is the local cheese. Show me your government ID. Play the intro. Are you human-shaped? Do you own clothes? Can you spend money? Then come on down to the local cheese, wear clothing, and wearing clothes, and spend that money on pizza and games.

Everybody spend money and digest food in your stomach. We've got pizza. Woo! Yeah. We've got pizza. We've got patented cheese battered. We've got milk shucks. We've got patented milkshake batter.

Everybody jump into a ball pit filled with patented ball batter. And the local cheese is upgrading yet again. You can't say that. Introducing our new Battle Square Arena final destination. No items. Fox only three stock battle drum.

Two customers enter. No refunds. Everybody cheers. Your faces are covered with gore. Yes. The local cheese where the walls are loud. of the service is blurry and every night is round two of something that you thought was over.

For the memories of a lifetime, pizza, pizza, pizza. The local cheese is not responsible for deja vu, deja vu, deja vu, deja crew, or deja vu. Replay tokens are not redeemable in real life. Voidware forbidden. You know that Derek spends six hours on Wednesday just writing. I wrote that in 15 minutes.

Thank you very much. writing out Derek's intro. Please don't ever say ball batter ever again. Yeah, you're jumping into a pit of ball batter. Look happy as you jump into a pit of ball batter. You haven't been to the ball pit yet. Well, because you're, you can even start the sense with jump into a pit of sororah, like, yeah.

You say ball batter. Oh, shit. Oh, they didn't whisk it enough to get all the love size. Oh, God. Oh, they had a problem. Damn it. They had a problem with the disseminator. Andy, you are standing on the arcade floor of the local cheese.

That's right. And you are staring at your ex-girlfriend Mina. That's right. She is standing in front of a crowd of other magic players, a card game that you know is very popular. But unusually, there is a tournament being right here adjacent to all the cabinets here in the local cheese. You had a few words back and forth bantering when she grew more and more frustrated. You broke up with her via email. You never reached out.

She claims that you have all of her cards. And in her frustration, she pulls out a deck, flips the cards, and throws a card at you. It smacks you right in the forehead and sticks there as you fly back. Andy, you're going to get it, she says. Can I peel the car off my forehead? You can. Why is it sticky? You pull it off and you, the impact certainly hurt a little bit on your forehead.

As you look at it, you realize that it's the compelled dual card. And suddenly, the scene shifts. Swirling all around you. Andy, what's happening? And the rest of you are transported with Andy, suddenly leaving the arcade floor and being pulled into a massive Coliseum, a huge battle arena where you and your companions, Andy, are standing on one side with Mina standing alone on the other.

Oh, Andy, look at us at one girl. Andy! I mean, battle arena. I don't know why I said that arena. I don't know why I said that arena. I don't know why I said that arena. Very clear. Very clear.

Hey, Mina, I'm not lying. It's because I know my best buddy, Andy. And he would never be enough of a smelly degenerate to ever play card games like that. Must let's build a deck. Are you kidding me? Andy used to play all the time. We used to compete. It's no fucking way.

There's no way that could be right. I know Andy. Guys, look, I have a confession, all right? It's been like 20 years. I played the game in high school. I mean, it's just like, we're talking another lifetime, guys. I gave it all up. I can't believe you are a huge enough nerd that would,

rather would ever consider playing a car game that was either competitive or training in variety. You could have been at an arcade playing children's arcade games for quarters. I know, I know. And eating cold pizza. But back then, it was before I came, became cool, right? Like, I was a nerd back then. And, like, I'm not, I wasn't always this awesome late 30s beer drinking guy with his friends who goes, doesn't really have a job. A winner.

A winner. A winner. Exactly. A winner. You weren't always a winner. I wasn't always a winner. You're a winner! I had to find myself, you know?

Hey, Andy, are these your friends? You still running a bunch of jank commons, huh? Whoa! Whoa! Meena! Is that bad? That's too far, man. These are my best friends.

Was that a card, man? That's pretty bad. And they're all legendary. Well, they look pathetic. I'm not going to just stand here and let you talk about my friends that way. And I'm not going to stand here and let you pretend like you never loved magic,

and that you still don't play. I'll bet you still have your cards on you right now. There's no way he has cards. No, I definitely don't have my cards on me. If we're gonna fight this out, we gotta, can you lend me a deck or something? I mean, what? Of course, you can.

She pulled out a giant case and wicks it open. She looks, no, that's not the right. And don't give me something like bad, all right? I know it's been like 20 years, but I can still do this. You used to love this one. I've made a few improvements, and she tosses it over and you catch it and what do you find inside it's your favorite deck oh boy i think that if this was gonna be like an ancient like from 20 years ago it wouldn't be

anything that anybody would like recognize probably be really terrible and i think that it would be some sort of like dragon tribal off just a bunch of cool fucking dragons sure and like because the artwork's cool and not because it was good or i knew what i was doing But you love the theme and the flavor of it so much that when you open it and you start to Flip through the cards you're suddenly reminded of those many games that you used to play sitting cross-legged across from Mina During those early days of the relationship when it felt so good to dual and talk magic and In those first romantic weeks before you lost interest and moved on Oh there I'm looking at the cards and

We didn't even hear that at game, and I'm good. There starts to be a little bit of a smile that kind of comes to my face. But before anybody can notice it, I catch myself and I scowl again and I leave the cards and say, okay, well then what are we doing? Are we doing this? We're throwing down. If I win, I want all your cards, not just the ones that you took from me. Fine. I'm not going to lose.

I don't ever lose. Yeah, he's fine giving up his nerd cards. He's a winner. He's a winner. Yeah, he's a winner now. Yeah, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, He's a 36-year-old man who hangs out of the local arcade pizza bar. It's very obvious we're all tips.

Among a bunch of children. It's very obvious we've all been drinking. Oh, you know, hey, guys, what does jank commons mean? It's basically the most insult you can possibly come up with. She says you're all terrible and very just common. I don't think of something better. Hold, let me read through some of your cards. Here, take a look at this.

Are the colors about this is all red? Oh, oh, oh. It's a lot of it's red, yes. She jank on my. comment until I blasts him as that. Oh, she turns and she pulls out her own deck and she's clearly trying to decide exactly, I know what to do, and she pulls out a deck, quickly shuffles it, very quickly reassembling the cards. She hands it out. Cut me. Okay.

What is you? She's got to try hard. Jeez. And she draws a hand. What a do you? I think I can live with this. You're going to mulligan or what? God, I got a drink here. I gotta give me the back. I shuffle and like it's really fungling. Like I'm not shuffling well. I kind of spell the cards a little bit. I pick them back up and I'll draw the top

however many cards for this game. Are we playing magic? We're playing magic. Marshall Scatter. I draw seven cards on the top of my deck. Okay, yeah, this looks fine. Whatever. She takes the initiative and she says,

all right, I'll play. my red goblin and she flips it down and all of a sudden the card lands in front of you and the card poofs, disappears, sparks fly out and a real red goblin emerges. What the heck? We're playing magic. This is the local cheese.

What do you expect would happen? Marshall to scatters. I'm playing Marshall to scatt. I'm going to keep saying magic. Marshall, say fucking Marshall, Derek. Don't fucking say it. Gary, let's have a good for some scary. We're playing.

Marshall. Just a matter of fucking say it! He's not, you're kidding me. I'm kidding me, Gary. Do you realize? Do you... I will... I don't know, look at my hand.

Do I feel like I can attempt to play anything in it? You look at the cards and you realize you have summoned cards, the ability to draw off creature's force but... But it's not the ability to just invent or make up whatever you want.

You can summon the allies that are at your side. Oh, I'll play tarantula man. I look at my hand for a minute. If I know this innately, if I feel like I have an understanding of this, I'll turn to my team and I'll say, guys, I think that's a real fucking goblin. Oh my god. Wow!

Do you have a knife or anything like a sword? Yeah, describe this thing. Oh, sure. It's the classic Marshall Goblin. He's wearing almost nothing at all except for the leather rags around his waist. And he's carrying a big, uh, um, massive, like, bone, just, just, uh, wielding a weapon. And he's also got a weapon?

All right, like, it's been- bald, massive ears that come to a point, speak sharp teeth. Oh, so, like, classic. I know that this is- A classic martial goblin. This is out of left field. I didn't expect for this to happen tonight, guys,

but somebody's gotta fight this thing. Gosh, what? Wait, wait, wait, what, this is gotta fight this? Yeah. What, no, no, no, no. You have cars. You have cars.

Yeah, no, but like, literally it says, like, some of my allies. What? So if I remember this right, Nina, I'm going to choose to summon Knuckles. Oh! The card flies out of your hand, lands face up, and you are suddenly transported into the middle of the arena.

Almost like Andy has summoned you like a Pokemon. Hey, good luck, man. You can do this. Whatever we say instead of Pokemon, I don't know. It's a shitty goblin, man. Come on, you're like, you're like three times his size. Just pulverize him into the dirt. Well, at least now that I'm a marshal the scattering caught, I probably like, look really cool and have like a badass creature typing, right? And I looked down at my card and it says,

human villain. And I'm now a human in a rhino soon. That's very, that's a human face. That's very deep-put-up. Yes. It's very difficult. A rhino outfit. So I'm not even the rhino anymore.

Well, I, I mean, I'm, I'm glad, man. I just, go beat his ass. But I'm just a human villain. Just crush the goblin and the villain even really mean. What did I mean? What did I do to be so villainous about all this. Come on, man, I need you to win this for me.

We're a Cuban. You should look ugly now. We're all thinking. As you are talking, the Red Goblin is ignoring all of this back and forth that you guys are enjoying. Run forward. I need to roll to dodge. Oh, shit, you rolled dice in this game. Is it a 20?

You go out these knuckles. You go out this fun. D20 plus your gilly modifier. You're generally looking for a 12 or better unless Derek's is otherwise. That's correct. I definitely fail. Seven. The goblins roll twice the damage guy, and you have, you take four points of damage. You're smacked in the kidney. You're paralyzed for a moment. You breath almost loses, you almost lose your breath.

Come on, man. As it knocks into you, and you realize that you have an opportunity to counterattack in this moment. I picked it because you have giant muscles, bro. You're a rhino person. So I just took three damage. And I haven't healed. So I'm down, uh-oh. Yeah, I love. It's not looking good guys.

Uh-oh. Fuck! Yeah, get him! That's the hell, I know. Oh, I might hit, I might hit. That's, uh, 15. That hits. Am I still drunk?

We should all still have the same number of drink totals. Yeah, we didn't reset. No, nothing has changed since you're in the last session, exactly right. Damn. He's gonna go ham. Seven. 11.

Man, exploding D-4s are a way to go. 15 points of damage. Yes! Splatter that gun! Yes! I'm screaming. You raise this goblin evaporate. I am cheering like Caesar in the Coliseum as my warriors

but just splashed the goblin. Yes! You smashed this goblin and it is just scatters. Is that all you got, Mina? He made a big mistake. Giving me access to my buddies here. She's got an elaborate tableau of cards in front of her at this point.

She's turning things, tapping things, using different abilities, and she throws another card out. It lands and she... She didn't come and come get some. Oh fuck, is this Pokemon smile? I'm gonna fight till I die. No! No, don't worry, that's not gonna happen.

That's not gonna happen. I turn again and I say, that might happen. No, what we got to do is we got to bait out. We have bait out a super effective move, and then we swap in something that. This isn't that game. This isn't that game, Gary. Oh, it's not, man.

The summon card lands, and from the surface of the battle arena, all of a sudden you see a clawed hand grasps on the floor, and then a second clawed hand grasp. It pulls itself forward. You can see dirt as though from a grave emerge on the floor as all of a sudden a zombie.

Start to emerge. You can't get him. I don't know. I didn't get him. He's walking by. It's just going to. I was going to send him back up. Oh no.

You didn't realize that Gary's a fucking wizard. I summoned Gary Goodbury! A wizard. Counterspell. What? And all of a sudden, because you send out, fizzles, and all of a sudden,

the zombie is on top of you, Knuckles, as Gary is unable to join you in the fight. You can't do that. That's fucking cheating. That's fucking cheating. Bullshit, Mita. We always said no, Counter spells. I've learned a lot since we played.

I got a 14. A 14, you're able to dodge just bimbly out of the way. And, oh no. 12? 12 hits. Okay. Oh my god. And he plays blue magician puppet. Yes. Oh, I don't know why we're this.

Guys, now that it's, now that it's Pia Colonna Knight, I think I finally realized, although it is Marshall the Scattering, this transformation summits, style reminds me of that Chapaname. Chapaname. Seven points of damage. Seven points of damage.

I can't reduce that with the zombie's armor enough to save it. And so you stop down as it crawls towards you. It's pretty easy. It evaporates into skeleton dust. It's his liver eating. I wish I looked a little cooler, but I mean, I think he's... Oh, you call it, no calls! Hey yeah!

It's like that Japanamee, me margarinex. You know, we went... Hold on. Hold on. We went through it. We had a few different. I don't think Derek heard you because we went through several iterations of exactly that, and all of them sounded terrible.

Oh, that's very funny. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah. It's like a Japanabay I saw my nephew's always watch her. And I'm like, this is really, really... I think we sell the DHS in that.

Mina turns to you and she's frustrated that her creatures are getting knocked down by your one... Yeah, yeah. What's next? Come get some. But she's determined. And she... taps a few, she turns to the other, she makes a few cards, Neil,

anything but the word tap, right? And she throws another card out into the battle arena. It lands and he flops the pig! That's right. And this time a clockwork machinery of cogs, gears, and springs rises up, and all of a sudden you see this artifact, this golem, suddenly emerge and turn and start to make its way forward. It's clearly locked on to Knuckles

and trying to get to you. Okay, Gary. All right, what do you got? You're going to have to waste your turn, buddy. I'm going to walk up to it. I knew she was running counter magic. What? Am I able to play a card?

You don't have another, you look at your hand. You don't have another Gary card. The only one left in your hand who's your remaining out on. You're the yard, real. You're the yard, bro. Get in there.

I summon down Leo. I can't get you. You whip it down, and you have the very strange experience. I didn't know. Watching the cards land at your feet and then suddenly beam where you see the card emerge, you are standing next to knuckles and you are facing down this construct as it swings in towards you. It attempts to batter you with its metallic arms.

I need you to roll to dodge. 19. Yeah. I mean, agility, right? A bazillion, yeah. 19. Expecting this, you stabilize yourself as you land. You are able to easily dodge out of the way and you're able to make a counterattack.

Oh, man. He turned into one of those cringe crossover cards. Is that Michelangelo owned by Nickelodeon, a Paramount Global Company? That's very funny. Ugh, cringe.

Oh, yeah. Cringe. Twelve. Twelve, just hit. Throw over damage. Oh. You know, orange really is in your color, gal. Four damage.

You smash into this thing, and you are able to nearly break it apart. Tons of little pieces of metal and screws fly out in all directions scattering across the floor, but you do not have enough power to take it down in one hit. It is clearly hanging on by a thread. Nina looks at him on. Oh shit, it's her to me.

That's it. No more games. I mean, more games. And she plays a few cards, and all of a sudden you yourself feel yourself pull, into the center of the arena, and Mina jumps in. I need everyone to roll for a initiative.

Oh, yes, I'm. You are pulled in as well. This guy got counterspelled. I got dig-down counterspent, all things. I need to draw a map. You are pulled into the battlefield, and you can feel that Mina is about to cast a tremendous spell.

Her graveyard is full, and she's about to reanimate everything and pull even more out of her hand all at once. What is that? the initiative order. Oh, I got four. I got eight. Three.

Eight. Eleven. Eleven? Oh, 11? Oh, is it? Oh, it's six. I rolled the D20. I got one.

It's the way it's minus ten. It's the worst roll. I say 11. It's the worst one. I'm the worst one. I'm cheap. I'm cheap. Three.

Four. Three. And one. So Gary's last. I'm second to last. I'm second to last. I'm like that. I don't everyone.

I don't eat everybody. I'm probably. Yeah, you're very. On the count of the cheap. She goes first, and cards are whipping around her left and right and exploding into creature, as suddenly you are surrounded. I need to roll D6, D6, the D6. A D6, see. As a wise man once said.

A fairy shows up. A fairy. I'm sorry, can you push that? Do you mind? A fairy, bro. And from on high, an angel dropped down. Church. And these three creatures, cheater, cheater, cheetah,

Puck it even. Oh, fuck, the Catholic Church is back. Oh, gosh, they're back! As she looks at you, Andy, you're gonna get it. That's her turn, Galileo, you're up. Oh, shit, guys! Which one's the angel? The angel is the white token.

It's really just the light, the light rain. No, that is me enough. Yeah, yeah. This one. You'll have the construct in front of you. Oh, I could use a drink. I'd like to look around and see. I mean, we're in like a battle reader, right?

Are there drinks? At the start of your turn, roll a D4 for me. Oh, uh-oh. Chips. This one. Nothing happens, thank you. Oh, fuck, bro. Fuck, bro.

I'm gonna try and move away from whatever this one is. Yeah, the construct. The construct. And, other Nuggles killed the construct. No, he killed- I never swung at him. Yeah, he killed the first of you guys.

I'm gonna move right here and then take aim on the angel and say, take this Catholic Church. And then fire my Nerf, fire my Nerf rifle out. Okay, roll a roll hit. Right here. Four, unfortunately, misses.

The angel is able to bury. roll at the side and you'll watch as your shot goes wide. Oh shit, he's barrel rolling. That's my turn. Andy, I'm done. I realize that at this, I draw my Malkatata, first of all. And I hold it behind me as I begin to try to dash at Mena, but I realize that I can't make it to her.

So I tell the guys, I'm gonna go for Mena. We gotta take her out here. And I'm gonna slash at the construct as I go by, but it's gonna be one, two, three, four, five, six. I'll end up here, but I'm gonna slash the construct as I run by. Okay. I have minus two DR to hit as long as I'm attacking with a sword. Yep.

So if I lose my weapon or I'm forced to use something else, I don't have the bonus. It's 14, 15 to hit. No, it hits. And then it's 1D10. Four points of slashing damage as I run past, I slashed the contra with this cool upward spin move, and then as I land, I keep running past it. With the damage that Galileo had done previously,

you were able to cut it in half, and it falls to the ground and tumbles apart, Like dropping a Lego set. No! Like dropping a Lego connect set. It disappears and then those pieces fade into energy. Nice! Good teamwork, guys! Do you want it back?

Yeah. Thank you. And that will be, now it's their turn. The angel will fly. Oh, man. We'll fly forward and attack Galileo getting into. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's gonna stay where it is.

It's just gonna float and shoot a heavenly ray towards you. I needed to dodge. I needed to dodge that you were able to resist it. I thought he said, I needed to die. I was like, oh gosh, that's kind of a lot. Exactly right. Oh, um, 21. You were able to block the attack or dodge out of the way

in the nick of time as you, you're familiar with the Catholic Church. I'm science. The fairy. You better watch out. He's that intellectual property. That's right. The fairy also... It's a license of gig.

Looks at Knuckles. A reprint to this guy. And a very cute, sprightly fairy buzzing in the air with a sort of blue sheen on her. She looks at you knuckles. And she does this sort of like kiss motion

like this. Like that. But you realize almost too late that this is going to damage you of you are able to dodge out of the way. Go ahead and make a dodge roll. That's odd. 10. 10, unfortunately, it's not enough as you take...

Oh, it's damage. I'm not getting charmed? Well, you also are... Oh, no, the fairer used to track. There's going to be two hits. It's like Whitney's Mill Tank. You've got six damage incoming. Six damage. Exactly right.

I can't believe they named it. Would you subtract your armor? You got to roll, man. Are you sure six damage is coming? Correct. Uh-oh. It's a D6 range of tag. I think he's gonna die later.

Just roll well. If I roll in one, I'm dead. Just block it. I'm fucking. No, no. So the way, just real quick as a rules refresher, if you are exactly at 0-HP, you're broken, that's what I got it. You know, he wrote two to be exactly. So if he rolls one, he's dead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, no, he's on pocket. Broken rules are in there somewhere. I do believe I have them. Um, if not I've got him as well. I'm down the- You're basically have to roll again.

Yeah, check to see it broken and the broken rules are on there. If not Derek's got him. They're in the sheet for sure. The big sheet. He's broken So he still falls unconscious. He still falls on the ground zero If your armor drops to tier zero, it's destroyed. That's not it. Oh Just search in your document for broken. Yep, sure left. Yep, I'm looking for it. There's a table that he has to roll on it might not be on there. Chats! You know, I may not have moved it over. I got it. Let me, let me, uh, you sure? Yep, all right. It's definitely in there. Well, how does your, how does your armor take damage? Only if you get crit. You get crumb. One moment.

I just don't have the table memorized for... Oh, you have to roll a D6. If you get a one, you have instant death. You don't want to get a one. But basically, you know, see, I changed all this. Just, it's in there somewhere, dirt. Oh, if you have zero HP, you are broken. If you have negative HP, you're dead.

Oh, no. Either way, you're basically become sobered up, though. You're gonna lose all your... Oh, man. Let me go over to one of the other... That's... Oh, my God. Don't get hit by this very good.

guys that's hull she probably one shot some of use I think taking a critical hit will remove a drink being broken zero Hb are dead will sobery and remove all drinks doesn't say what to do when that happens oh here it is the broken table you need to roll a one D6 yep I do right now yeah yep yep yep yes you do I can twist these right I found it as well no you cannot oh shit it's a D6 you could basically just add whatever you wanted you know two oh two two you will be dead in two two hours unless you are healed. Where that's that.

So he's unconscious, he drops unconscious. But you do drop down, you all watch as Knuckles, it doesn't look like a hit, but you hear this loud smacking sound as this kiss lands and the fairy pushes him over. You've never seen Knuckles get knocked out, but he gets pushed over by this colossal attack. He smashes into the ground and you can see that he's greatly injured.

You are also sobered. to the rules, meaning you lose your drinks. Which is terrible timing, because it's your turn. What happens on his turn for broken territory? I have two hours. Yeah, you gotta get you up. Okay. Okay.

Oh, I lay there pathetically as a human villain. Andy, I need you to roll 1D4. Three. Great fucking choice. Mikey and whatever your name is. Why don't you roll a D8 and a D12? D8 and a D12. You're never my name, Mace.

Never forget this. D8. A D8, I'm rolling a D8? D-D-D-D-D. He didn't even forget. He got a D-D-DG-DG. He didn't forget Calalas. Maybe forget my name.

Yeah, Mesa's brutal. It's brutal, dude. That so feels bad. Yeah, well, let's forget. All right, D-12. What did you get? I give for what? Did you get for said,

Count Blubb all the time or something? I don't know. Five. Five. All right. That is a beer. A beer drops on to the battlefield at the, oh shit.

One, two, three, four, five. I was Wonders! Oh! As the, similar to Smash Bros, you can tell that this is not no items. Items are dropping and emerging from nowhere. Oh my God. And since it is your turn knuckles, I need you to roll a D4 as well.

Do I see visions of Catholic heaven? That's a good question. That's a great question. Do you believe in it? Oh my god, Robert Plant wasn't full of shit. It's a stairway to heaven right there. More like an escalator. I roll a three.

Another three, roll a D8 and a D12, some of you. 12. Is this what Gow was talking about? Four. When he got bisected by that rocking up the ass. A three. I gotta dig down three. Beer from heaven.

Suddenly falls onto the battlefield. This single can of light beer suddenly land and just float there, twisting in the air. What you do see, Knuckles, as you are spinning from the enormity of this attack, is a bright light. All of a sudden you enter a very, very low-poly cutscene. You watch as text rolls up.

It's the kind of text that no one really ever reads or observes when they walk in front of an arcade machine. They just want to play the game, but it's the kind of rolling replay, low-poly Catholic heaven cutscene. It's no credit from West End Gellion. Exactly right. Exactly right. Fly me to the moon and let me pay our own stars. Let me see what spring is like.

As Gary, you're up. You know, I kind of wish I had taken that ding-dog heel bill. But I did. Okay, I'm going to run forward and walk out. up to this beer. I'm sure this is safe to drink. Do I get a full free object interaction down it? It's just like any other beer. You can pull, you can still use your action on your turn and movement, uh, and you can drink beers that you basically run into. Okay, I'm going to, oh shoot, is they want to have a pencil? Oh, here this. Here's my pencil on a pen. I'm gonna down this beer

and say, oh, that's glug, glug, glug and good. Three, four. Oh, it's glug and delicious. I'm at five beers. Do I get to, do I roll something? Chee-sh-she? Uh, yes, you do. Yes, you do. And, and, and, and, three, and, and, and, And one moment, go ahead and roll, and add five to your total. You're only 18 guys over here. 12. Not this one. A tiny pixel gremlin suddenly appears and follows you around.

It shrieks advice that no one else can hear. You get plus five, you get plus five presents for the duration. Minus five presents? Plus five presents, holy shit. What? And your president is a table. I'm going to cast a thing. No, wait, no.

Presence is in a spell, is it? Oh, thank you. Presence isn't a ding-dog spell, huh? No, it's man. Oh, man. But you are a spellcaster. You're a friend. And since it's the start of your turn,

did I ask you to roll 1D4? It's like the catch-hold. Did I ask you to roll a 1D4? What? Did I ask you to roll a 1D4 at the start of the turn? Do that to it. Because you drink your beer, you do that. Oh, here's one.

A lot of stacking effects. Go ahead. A 4. A 4. Oh. Hopefully it's a turbo beer. turbo beer. Oh,

and dig dog beer. Instead, roll a D12 and a D8 for me. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine on the D12. Nine and a D8. Oh!

I got it. You got it, you got it. Come on, come on, come on. Yes! Five. This is one, two, three, four, five. So it should be like right there. Right here.

Yeah, baby! He chose, oh! With it, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, yes, a beer! Fuck. But it appears to, what? It is just like the beers, it lands and starts to float and rotate as though it can be picked up and used like an item.

Just kidding. We're back on the menu, baby. Gary, you may now enjoy the rest of your turn. We went from very high high to very low. We're back. We're so back. I can get right here. I mean, if anybody has any food items on them,

I don't know what's getting you. No, we didn't buy food. No, we didn't buy any food. We get any fucking food. This is a message to everybody at home. It is. Make sure you eat while you drink. It's like every convention.

We got a bunch of twists, right? Like we got a whole bunch. We got, we didn't get 15, but we got at least 12, 13. Hold on. Okay. 12, 13. I don't remember what the, what the level was. I'm gonna use five twists for one.

To cast one, I guess. You should have used it. You should have used it. I thought we do re-rolls or no. Are we doing the roll? Oh, we got re-rolls. That's right, never mind, never by, never by, we'll use it. I'll decide if I use it.

Okay, I go run up. Hey! That's how you get it last time. You may have Marshall the scattering. Tap one red manna! And I cast lightning bulbs storm. There's lightning bulbs! See, I'm learning your nerd speak.

And I cast lightning storm. D.R. 12. She doesn't have any counter spells. Yeah, get there. Go ahead and roll. Oh, killed it. You almost credit. I got 21 checks! Nice.

Oh, man, I want to fish for that ding-down crib, though. I want to fish for the ding-down crib. What does it do? I mean, I deal 1D6 to all enemies. Boom. Oh, wow. Oh, 1D6, that's it.

Terrible tragedy. Okay. Two plus two, because I'm drunk. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Can I twist damage dice? Oh, I've been adding my drink toys. Can I twist damage dice?

It should be plus two for five drinks. Can I twist damage? I mean, you're fucking obliterating. Twisted damage to all enemies. Four damage to all enemies. Four damage to all enemies. I'll roll their defense altogether. Okay, you watch as this bolt of lightning

sears through, zapping into the angel, zapping into the fairy and zapping mina herself. They all crackle with sparkling energy and you can tell that you've diminished quite a bit the two summons. However, Mina stands tall and And she almost laughs off the lightning bolt damage that you are able to pursue in this moment.

What? At this moment, she drops, she drops another card. I got one more. I got one more. I got one more. And she pulls out three cards able to summon an additional three creatures on the- Well, shit.

Oh, wow. Uh-oh. But you're the man of words. Yeah, it's gonna say. Just ramping her fucking man. Yeah. What a cat. Green.

Oh. What a, oh. Why I shouldn't say my big dog for that? We got one more. I got one more. We didn't know. I got one more than two. We couldn't have known.

How could you summit more characters? Next to you, Galileo. A undead zombie emerges from the earth and starts to reach out for your leg. No. Next to you, Knuckles, even though you are unconscious, presumably. You wouldn't see this. But jumping out of a green portal, a massive,

I nearly did. Almost like magical lion-like beast creature roars into the end of the space, bearing its massive fangs. And adjacent to you, Galileo, another construct begins to click and pop into place as it winds up for its attacks. It brings us to her actual turn.

And Mina is going to focus on Andy. She pulls out one of her cards and throws it gambit style directly towards you. I need you to dodge. Oh, cool. Oof, duh. I got an 11.

An 11? You've got three damage incoming. Oh, shit. Let's see if I can reduce it to one. I'll take one. Ow! Hey, wait, that hurt. What the hell?

You're going down. You think this is a game? Well, it is, but also you're gonna die. Wait, should you try to kill us? I think it was a game. Yeah, you can't be trying to kill us over a failed relationship from it was two decades ago. You're holding a sword. Fair enough

We've killed a lot We've killed a lot of people I'd like to try I don't know I might just know this from the rules of the game But if I try and run here Grab this beer and get it to Knuckles

Would I think that that would do anything? Beards and heel But what I think this special What I think this special Arcade Battle Arena beer Dealing? Mike pep me up What I think it would just like

No, you'd probably step over my dead corpse So I thought about this and beers increase your drinking level. Could all beers increase, like, one HP, or is that going to totally out? No, that was originally part of the plan. I was like, we would have just been even more instructable.

The idea was you'd get more HP, you take less damage, we were into stocked. We need a snack. Is that right? You would need a snack if you have something in your inventory that is, like, food related that you can justify. My best pal is down on the ground. You've got a whole backpack, don't you?

You do remember that I tend to. That I tend to be in the upperware of my mob's gravy. I could have sworn someone found a fucking high C. Somebody found a fucking, like, I swear we had some kind of something. Yeah, I don't have me. That was last adventure. All my items are like, even, yeah, way before that. We, uh-huh, knuckles, no!

That would teach you to travel out your pocket high seat. Dang it, dang it. I'll try and get, are they like, are they opportunity attacking people? This guy that's coming out of the ground. I don't know. We aren't doing a tax of opportunity. So that it's not mobile. So now you're right.

I'm gonna grab this, I'm gonna grab this, I love to hear it. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna grab this pal heavy. And I'm gonna go shoulder to shoulder. I'm gonna go ankle to shoulder with my pal knuckles. And I'm gonna, oh no, he's fucking down, guys. I actually stepped on him, bro.

Oh, fuck. Oh my God. You kill him instantly. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna- Oh, fucking Catholic charge! Take it! Speaking of, I'm gonna draw a line on the angel with my Nerf, with my Nerf gun, and fire away.

Okay. Seven. Seven misses, unfortunately. Or rather, the bolt flies forward, and with a casual flick of its wings, it is able to deflect the attack. Oh, he wants a Sundogs, Sundog School of Space Combat. But it is your turn and you need to roll a D4.

Oh. And I need to, everyone to remember to roll a D4 at the start of your turn. Because that can change the tactic. Two, nothing happens. Andy, you're up. D4. Two, nothing happens.

Okay. Do I feel like I can interact with this bomb like a beer where if I try to use it, it will use my action or it's free object interaction? You can pick it up for a free, but unlike the beers which you can drink for free, this would become, it would consume your action and you'd be able to throw it.

You do expect it's quite powerful if it hits. Knowing that then, as soon as I see this bomb come down, as I'm still running full tilt and arguing with Mina from across the fucking thing, I would like to pick up and use the bomb attempt to throw it at Mina, but instead of doing it that way, I'm gonna flavor because I do like a cool, like spinning back kick to like try to kick the bomb at her

or use it. Take this. All right time to do it. You are able to make contact with your foot. Let's roll to hit. It would be just like any range to attack. Oh, no, I've made a terrible mistake. I'm not a good ranged person.

I should have let Galileo do this. Come on, I can do it. I can do it. Come on, oh, I could use a twist, though. If it's gonna do a lot of damage, let's see what happens. Yeah, I would like to twist this. One twist. The real twist. No, we have 15. We didn't make it to 15.

No, we have like 12. Now we have 12. You have 12. That's fine. I miss. You twist. You kick it with your foot. If I can twist one more time,

twist one more time. One more time. Twice a one more time. That's what the Twister for. That's what they're for. That's what's their four. We only got like two hours of play. Yeah, exactly right.

Come on! There it is, 17. Oh! You kick it forward and it explodes. You imagine that if Mina weren't the boss of this fight, that she would be instantly destroyed. As she takes a massive amount of damage, go ahead and roll a D12 for me.

Two. Roll another D12 for me. We'll make it the highest. Seven. Seven. That feels more correct, and I will subtract her armor. And she's still going to fly back. She flies back and hit the edge of the arena. What would normally be open space,

where you would fly out and lose your stock and just obliterate against a wall of nothingness? She hits a shield and falls forward, her cards scattering everywhere at her feet. Andy, how could you? I used the rest of my room, but I said, Yeah, how did that feel? As I have the sword, fully throwing back,

and I am in the air, but that's my full turn is I'm trying to come down to bring the full force of the Malkatown down on Mena. Sweet Christmas. There's a tears that arrives at my kids to hide, I'm like, you started this, Mena. The zombie comes up and swipes the Galileo's back. I need to dodge as the zombie crawls forward

and attempts to bite into you. 16. 16. Nice. You're able to dodge. The Let's be serious Green hasn't gone, man Yeah, I'm gonna get through the green

No, the angel is using his It's definitely not coming from a threat It's gonna shoot at you Galileo as well, I need to dodge the He's definitely not definitely a good It's classic Catholic George You're able to dodge that as well Yeah, you know what?

Because I'm a nice, nice VM, I'm going to say that the beast Sniffs at the unconscious body No, the crater hook behem of Kudegro's knuckles. Dealing, uh, desert care. 640 billion. Yeah, it just, it's gonna move to that. It's gonna move that,

accidentally down and make a, uh, to the back of knuckles, to the back. The other way. Other way? No, no, no, all the way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I needed to make another, uh, it's go, oh my gosh.

Come on. Oh, no. Oh, 22. Nice. Outrage. The contract, uh, uh, a counter attack? No, no, it has been, it's a natural 20. Oh, it's a natural 20.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha! Let's go. Also, new team rule, we don't go anywhere without pocket hot dogs. Pocket hoddolls. Pocket huggled us.

Yeah, yeah. Pocket glizzies, everybody. We need to have, we're, like, hacking a meeting. We need a team meeting about hot dogs. We need some glizzy glissies. Seven. We are we gonna call our group Glyzzy McGuire. Twist it.

Twist it. We're twisting it. We're twisting it. Twist it, twist it, twist it, twist it. One, I'll twist it again, twist it again, twist it again, twist it again, twist it again, twist it again, twist it again, twist it again, I don't know, I'll switch it one more time.

I can't hit an attack to save my life. Twist it again, twizzed again, twist it. 14, 14, I don't hit. 16, so 16 total. I don't have left. I used three. Okay. I think you used two.

I used two, and he used one, so that's six. So we're halfway down. Yeah, we got six times. I think we had 11. I think we had 11. We were at 11. So I'm going to start tracking them, and we're going to say that you are at five.

I'm going to deal my... Four points of damage. And I'll hit the Criter of Behemen. Is that what that is? I'll hit the... Be very glad that you were able to dodge out of the way. I'll hit the mole mound. Based on his ability.

I'll hit the mole mound tiny creature. The Blue Fairy is going to blow a kiss at Gary. I need you to dodge out of the way. Not interested. Excuse me, not interested. Who are you kidding, Gary? I saw my job, Gary. She's a man eater.

I saw that you did it to my old pal. I saw you did my thing on. Whatever it was. She's going to be. Almost a crit. 18. 18. You are able to dodge out of the way. Just as you watch as the construct

extension of arms and it tends to slam into you with its massive metal sift. I need you to dodge out of it. I guess traditionally sirens do harm me. Don't you? Yeah. She's not even a siren with wings. She's just a siren.

Rolling out of the mouth is so fucking funny. Oh, I'm not three teeth. How is it possible? Yeah. All right. I'm the king of the world. That's for the summons turn, knuckles. You're still.

We gotta get them up. You got a chat on some glitzisies. You've got an hour and fifty eight minutes before you die. Someone. But you can roll a D4. Someone rubble Glydazzied out is for. I thought you were going to cheat and change I'm pretty sure the Creator of Bohemoth gets trampled.

I can't cheat. I can't. And tramples through Galileo. In the mate. Roll a D4 for me. Uh, novels. Me, me, me, me, me. Oh,

Four. Hell yeah. A four. Hey. Roll a, um, D8 and D12. I got the D8. I'll get the D12.

One. Okay. Twelve. Oh. Okay. Oh, damn it. All the way over here. It's not far.

near you guys. Let's get that on camera. We can. And- It's a bomb or a beer. It's a bomb. It's a bomb. Oh, shit. That's very good to know.

And that's going to be the conclusion of your turn. Gary, you're up. Roll a D4 and start your turn. Oh, weird. Yes, he'll want his character shape. I never selected it. Hold on. I'm gonna get this ding. Now we're gonna play it straight. This is like the plot of, um,

of cum paladin or the fist. That was a pretty good roll, Gary. Gary, what are you doing to the floor? Oh, look, look, look. You can't pick up the DC, can't pick up a D4 because the pyramid. Oh, I got to think I'm four. Is that that thing? No, it's another bomb.

Is that a four? It's another bomb. When of a bomb is on the field. Oh, shit. And you roll another four, the suddenly you see from the sky, another item emerge, a baseball combat comes swinging down and starts floating up wherever a G8 or a D12 might happen to be. I'll roll the D8. Yeah, yeah.

I'll do the 12. It's a seven. Two. Right here? There's a baseball bat right here. Damn, that's cool. You know what it does. Oh my God.

Now you can make your full turn, Gary. Let's pull it over here since I have nothing better to do. I'm going to run to the middle of everybody. Batterup is very funny. And I'll say, it's first you don't succeed. Batterup is very funny. This is why, this is why I spent all that time studying Wizard Magic. and not just hit a very powerful sorceress yellow rodent under my hat,

contending all the Ratatouy bit from last session. I have to. I definitely don't have a yellow spotted rodent under my hat, teaching me magic. Shut up. Dude, that's like three in a row. That's three in a row. Gotta give it up. Gotta give it up.

Just roll like a maniac here. Four. Yes. Everyone takes six damage of lightning damage. Everyone takes six damage? No, no. Oh, no. All my head of me.

It will. If I fumble, yes, you all would take. You would take the damage. None of the opponents the summons can withstand this level of damage. All of them are suddenly obliterate. You basically cast Blastinus Act as they are immediately disintegrated in front of your eyes. This spell needs to take effect. Nina.

Don't forget. Not the cheat. Not the cheat. No, definitely not the cheat. How would you even suggest that? What, no, you don't need a dog. Well, someone in chat asked, who's the guy from 21 Jump Street? Not the cheat. Not the cheat.

Not the cheat. Meena takes the damage. She's looking much, much rougher, unfortunately. That is going to be at the top of her legendary action time. She's going to roll. Hey, Knuckles, pick up that baseball bat! Oh. No, Knuckles is unconscious.

He'll be fine. When is it hot talk and a drop on the roof? Where's spicy currant gonna drop? When's the heart container gonna drop? Where's the Maxim tomato gonna drop? Oh, the Maxim tomato. We really need the Maxim tomato. Winns all the two D. JPEGs of photos of food

gonna drop out of that. Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. That's weird. My low poly overrides. Why is it low poly jpegs? Mina is looking rough. And she is doing her best to sling

and try to keep up with the four of you, but the combination of your ability to withstand her attacks and Gary's outrageous magic ability is absolutely overwhelming her. It is a war of attrition at this point. She desperately throws three cards down in a goblin, an undead zombie, and a fairy emerge,

looking for support, looking for help. But she is, looking desperate. I know, we can kill these guys. She... There's four copies in a deck, Gary. Come on. What?

This is the Highlander Rules. Oh, wait, no, I don't see you no digged off me all the dragons. She abandons her cards from the waves and races over to the Bobom. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

I may have made a mistake. She grabs it and she doesn't take the flourish that you took to try and kick it in the air. She's still this sort of meek-looking, mousy game player. She grabs it and, She passes it towards you, Andy. Just try to dodge?

Yep. My Jillie's pretty decent. 17 to get it out of the way. 17. You are able to mention style the last second full. No! You do have a dread. You have three dreads, I think.

You have three dreads. I love this. Yes, I am. Absolutely. How do we have plus one in my agility? You're fine. You're fine. You're fine.

Oh, what is it? I got 11. Oh! What did you do you have? I am 10 maximum. 10 maximum. I'm not telling you how much I have right now. My max is 10.

We already established that we're doing D12 damage here, so let's roll this. Provided my armor can block something. You've got seven incoming. I can block. Yeah, Andy's going to be just five. It's going to be just dinged off. Guys, I think everything's going to be A-O-Day.

I fall unconscious, but I'm not dead. So you're broken. I was at 6 HP and I blocked one of it. We have... What a wild problem! Wow! But I could instantly die. We have a broken table now.

No, he's fine. He's gonna be... He's not gonna roll one. Are you gonna roll it? You have to roll in a middle. Rowing one twice in a row is impossible. There's no way he's gonna roll one. It's a lot more possible on a D6. There's no need. I'll pop right back up, I think.

Yeah, he's gonna get a six. I got a five. Five. It's pretty good. Higher is better. That was very close. You're in conscious for D4 round, and you will wake up. for one h with one HP.

It's nice. I'm unconscious for four rounds. Oh, fuck. Oh, holy shit. Well, Galileo, it looks like it's just you and me at all of our hip points. Oh, yes.

Gary, we got this, man. How many hip points are you feeling about that? Mina, um, Mita, um, mina pumps her fist. Yes. That's what you get, that's what you get, Andy. And, uh, Galileo. Oh, man.

She really wanted him to go down. Singed one. Nothing happens. Um, I, run. Oh, man. To get the baseball bat. Just remember if you're going to use your strength. It's the home run back. I love that.

I'm not making you hesitate. I'm not making that you hesitate. You grab it and all of a sudden you feel empowered. You imagine that this would do a significant amount of damage as much as the bomb, but it's not single use. From where I am, I don't have like a range or anything. Can I shoot? That's a good question. There is a range. I don't know. Oh, there's a range?

There is a range. Well, at least on... I feel like... Yeah, for sure. The nerve guns probably pretty far. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I got that. She's about to get caught up in the crossfire, you know what I mean? Is my recollection.

How's moving to yellow? I mean, you're way... Probably, I went... 5, 10, 15, 20, 25. If I have to go right here... No diagonals are fine in this, right? I mean, it's a... I didn't even go to that.

I mean, I could have gone... One, two, you could have gotten there in three. So you have three more squares left. Okay. If I can get it from here. I would have said like 30 feet. 30 feet? Yeah.

Six squares. Yeah, there was another... I mean, if I can go diagonal... Because it's not like a super long-range weapon. That's like 30 feet. Yeah. Is she within 30 feet? No, she's all the way in the corner. That's six.

I mean, if I'm here, if diagonals are fine, one, two, three, four, five, six. You're probably close enough. I don't know if you moved all the way out, not making it back you're just deciding not to go for the back no I went no I went to the I went I got here are we our diagonals one or one and a half what are we doing we've always done one-o-one we've always I mean for every game we've ever played no so I got I can move one more square okay so I can't know I can't I'll shoot this guy never do

okay is that the same in Warhammer two um one and a half I believe that's how we're we definitely do I forgot what we did for this game oh shucks I'm pretty sure we've done one and a half for basically everything we've ever done oh I mean that goes And that's conclusion of return. Andy, rolling deep four for me. One, nothing happens. I am unconscious for one round. The blue monster, the blue fairy is going to send a kiss in Gary's direction.

Hey, so if I had a nickel for every hit point I have, I have about two nickels. It does a lot. And this. And it, I've got a spell slots or whatever they're called. Fuck if I roll the natural one You should twist it What is that? Oh, definitely.

Dodging the kiss Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You're using a twist? And he's like, yeah, you're all fucked. Oh, wow. I may have rolled two natural rules. Oh, no! How many twists we got?

How many twists we got? We have four left. You did three, you did two. No, we were at five. He just used two. You were in three. Agility? Yeah.

That's 13. That's 13. Oh, that's 13. 13. We should be at two left. Okay. Did you roll your drink? 13 is enough. Oh, I did. I did. Oh, it's not my turn.

13 is enough. You're able to dodge out of the way. Ah! Jesus. The undead zombie falls towards, um, uh, towards you. Galileo. Which one's this?

Two, this guy. A token and, uh, roll the dodge as it's wife's out. Oh, yeah, raw. Ah, sips. You've got four damage incoming. It was one three times. Alright, okay. That's a one.

I take three damage. You do take three damage as it slashes in G. It bites. You feel some of your flesh can pull away. This is getting nasty. The red goblin pulls out his big bone. And then also his club and he goes in the spring and Gary. Gross.

Roll for, it's a dog. This is a public place, man. Neither of you can get hit. Me? Yeah, you. Yeah, yeah. Somebody's got to end this real quick. I'm gonna get boned by this big, big bone goblin.

It's gonna be like, never mind. Wait, no, it's 11. We got a redol. We got a red roll. We got a re-roll. Yeah, we got to re-roll. Yeah, we got rid roll. All right, you're down to three.

They're around to two. Natural 20! Counterattack. It's a counter attack. Down to two and you can counter attack. And he's got his big bone in his head. You must yourself exposed to my special attack. Oh, 14.

That hits. A strike. A 13. All you need to do is B12 every time. 2D4. Open up your mouth, Gary. I'll like feed you dice. Yeah, gargle my D4s there, Gary.

And points. Oh, pretty good. Oh, you're probably exploding. Yeah, you're drunk. Oh, it was a four. So if you roll this one. Nice. Five, six, seven points of damage.

Eight, nine. Nine, because you're drunk. Oh, I did nine points of damage. You turn around and you realize how exposed his balls on. His truth spears is a spot. They rupture. You always a loincloth in the sun. It's true, she explode as the goblin goes down in one hit.

His one weakness. Knuckles, you're up. I guess I'll say roll a D4. That's right. Pray for a magical hot dog to fall right in your mouth. I'm experiencing the Cloud Cuckoo Land episode of Over the Garden Wall. Yeah.

Welcome by small cartoon animals. Everything is nice and fun. What is that? It's a three. It's a three. It's a three. Roll a D8 and a D12. Oh shit. Okay. D12 and the D8, you say.

Can you put this beer down where? Two for the 12 and six for the eight. The beer appears right next to Galileo and that's the conclusion of your turn. Gary, you are up. Oh, I never add. Maybe I did. So here's the problem.

You gotta ender. I think we gotta ender. Can I make it to her? Yeah. 100%. Okay. 100%. I- Not kind of diagonals you mean.

After I uppercut, that goblet's balls into just non-existence. I land into a roller blade blitz directly at me to. Is the bomb gone? The bomb's gone. Oh yeah, the bomb's gone. I got fucking smitherey. You threw a cartoon mechanical bomb at my old pal Andy.

I won't let you get away with this. And even worse, you play Marshall the Scattery. You may be sick, they got me. have mercy? Me, me, the Catholic Pope have mercy on your soul. Wow! It's pretty good. That dread cooked me, Derek. Minutes one.

That dread cook me. Yeah, I did. Yeah, it did. How many do we have? We should use it for dodging attack. We can kill her. Oh, if you get, if you get a minus one straight, Derek. Oh, shit, Jesus. Minus one ding-dong straight. And I'm out of spells today. So you got to roll 13, though. I got to roll 13. That's tough, man. That's pretty hard.

Are you to be I can't use a twist? It's going to be Galileo's turn next though. Yes. So like we should be okay. Can Galileo get to her? He's just got to get with her. I just get her. I just shoot her.

I'm going to have one twist. Shoot her. I have one twist. Shoot her. As a trick. I thought. Oh, it's even worse. So Galileo has one.

I just look at her. There's one twist left. Yeah, it's fine. I miss her. And I'm like, well, show up. Don't worry, my buddy guy Lowe's got a Nerf gun. He's like those kids in college. You take Nerf guns very seriously.

That's true. So we use nine twists. We have two left, right? Perhaps it's because you're distracted. Tears in your eyes, seeing your very good friends fall to the battle arena floor. But you're not able to make contact with her as she. So we need to use Twess to avoid taking hits of possible.

And then we need to figure how many fucking tokens and tickets we have and we get some goddamn food. Yes, we do. nachos or something. She did we make it? She tutors once again. She tutors? She's tutoring? Such a cheater. Oh my God. What the fuck was she?

Brackett 4 Optimized. Oh, what the hell is she doing? Oh my god. I'm no wonder we're getting cooked. Yeah. She casts one ring. Tudors. She's immune for a dirt.

Oh, that would be awful. She casts indescriptable. She cast 18 dark rituals. Yes. So her reason she can summon all these big ass lion. And, uh, Tudor. Oh, no, I don't know why I'm on here.

Because you want us to fucking die. Tudor. More like, one him. Tudor. Tudor. Tudor. Tudor. Tudor. Tudor. Tudor.

Tudor. Tudor. I barely know him. You. Tudor, my opal galile. I'm just right. You're looking at you. You watch as she summons more creatures onto the battlefield. It is chaos in every direction.

It is absolute pandemonium. And it is the top of the round. It's her turn. She's going to, um, Race to Amy Fonnie. What? No. I opportunity attack her. I invent the rule.

You can't do that. You can't make the rules. She flings a card at you for having tried to damage her, Gary. He's going to the shadow, man. He's going to die. No, no, Gary. Gary. Hey?

She's going to go to my corpse. Okay. I was like, what the fuck? She's not going to come in my ass. I may have misused our trust. Oh, it's okay, ma'am. All we had to do is fraud. Don't mind me while I just dodge this plane guard.

Don't worry. I'm surely she won't send me in the shadow realm and trap me like the end of Superman, too. I'm trying. You're a kneel before me, Jarrell. That's how we're saying. Ah! Wait, I got a deep dog's 13. I got a 13. I got a 13. You're aging to dodge a boy.

Oh, thank God. Even though you feel the hot breath of this beast on your neck. Get out of your b-C. Gallo, enter. Get out of here. Is it made? Or are all her millions? I think the monsters have to go. Well, are monsters, monsters too?

No, no, no. They're monsters, too. She's monsters. That's her turn. That's her turn. Yeah. And she's going to use her free object interaction. Is it?

Andy's body? He's to look into. He's dead. He's dead. Into his body. He's still more. I'm not even dead yet. Essentially attempt to looting Andy.

She's desperate looking for something. And Gallo, later. Dude, I like, wait for the body to cool off. Andy, look out, she's got fetishes. Just to shoot her. I'll go here. And I'll run up and see her rushing through my old pal's

falling corpse. Oh! And then I'll shoot her. Yeah. She's not. You got it. You got it. We have to do.

It's all last twits, folks. I'm gonna use my damage D20. No, no, we have two. Right? One more. We have one more. Correct. This is the second to last.

I think. 18. Nice. We have one twist last. She's not paying attention. Okay. You just gotta roll like a six, bro, and then just go on. Oh, five.

Five plus two. And then plus two. Wait. Whenever you're plus your, plus your... I don't know, cheat. I'm at four. I'm at four drinks. You just said, yeah, so, oh, four drinks, you have plus one.

Plus one. So six points of damage. Six points of damage. She's still holding on. Wow! It is right on the edge, however. Oh, we're in trouble. This is not good.

Boys, this is the closest you've ever come to death. Roll the D4? And they're eating the local cheese. Oh, I don't think he survived this. I think he survived this. I think this is the DV. One. Andy, Roll a D4?

She has card advantage. She has made a card. Three. Three. Roll a D8 and D12. No, a hot dog's going to land right in my mouth. Don't worry. I don't think he's spawning hot dogs.

He's been in three. It feels a dream. One, three. It's a beer, so replace it with a penny. Yep, you got it. An old penny. We need Dave X hot dog mockina. Hot dog mocked out.

When suddenly a rain hot dog X. I could do it for you. I can't. Yeah, we're not getting it four. Gary, a beast ones is at you. Roll the dodge. I don't think so. Just bro it really well.

You got it. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Dog war, go, go, go, go, go, go on. That's good enough. That's a 12. That's good enough. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Oh, I will stop. Oh, I will stop. You're gonna have to roll two dodgies for me as the Blue, Fairy, Facts, and the Red Goblin. You're very agile. Okay. Very first. Looks like I'm between the Lions.

Planned 19. Outrageous. The Goblin races forward and attempts to club you. Oh, thank God. I only roll one. I only rely on defense. It's outreach. That's all right.

That's all right. A D4. A D4. Undead zombie and the construct are going to get, if they can't, get into Galileo's business. How far can they move? Yeah, they move and fix. Yeah, that's easy.

All right, two more Dodgers for me. For me? Yeah, they're all. Please, go. You know what they say? Oh, just kill one of my friends. You can still win the game at one hit point. Oh!

Oh, that one one! Oh, that waffled, no, no, no, but that waffled on a fort. It was scary. It was scary. It was scary. Come on, second, eight. I'm sway. Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on. He can't be touched. He can't be touched. You have some. This is a licensing deal, Ben. Yeah. Property old pterrableau. I was just wording, spent all that time

and get hip hop on. Noody dreads mace. I'm gonna hold on a lot. You probably hit him with a trademark catchphrase. Yeah, you can't. Cowabanga, bitch. Carobong a bitch. That makes it legally to stay.

That wasn't approved by our Nickelodeonian lawyers. If you think I'm not about to give her shell, you're out of your fucking mind. Another year emerges from nowhere. The eight is a three, the 12 is a four. All I gotta say is Andy's pretty cool but rude, but gosh, Galileo is a bit of a party dude.

That's very funny. That's very funny. I'm up. I'm gonna ski out over to me. Oh, roll a D4 for me first. Yeah. Put it in the... Did you help?

Just put it in. Yeah, here, Carrie, I'll help you. You missed. That's a pencil. There you go. That's one. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.

All right, now you can enjoy your turn. Okay. I skate up to her. She's fishing through my pockets, bro. Hey, that's not really cool. That's not, that's not cool, Tiffany. That's not, that's not cool, Tiffany. I'm your penis.

You've been concussed you. I don't know who he was here anymore. I just almost got killed by a lion. All I know how to do is Kung Fu Chalk. That's plenty. I'm 15. All right. It's fucking gone.

Oh, I need another D4. I got you here. Open up. Not punch. Oh, wait. That's an explode. That's five total. Five total.

He's got it. He's got it. Five. Nine. Ten. Eleven. 12 plus 2, 13 points of damage. 13 points of damage.

How do you want to do this? Ah! I'll say, you know what, Gary? This is just like that Japan to me. But I gotta think about third fair combatant too. What would my favorite character can do in a moment I was. He probably looked at his best pal, Ryu. Like I looked at my best child, Andy.

And I'm looking to him now, he's kind of dead on the ground, and she's rubber digging through. And you know what? My old master would have said, and the yellow rodent on my hat would have said, you know what, you should face your, your foes honorably. I thought you should have a little bit of a there.

There's no rodent. I'm still here, Gary? There's a, oh, right. I'd be bottle locking. Right. And so, you're a little green. I imagine she's got clutched over and like doing this. And I just kind of walk over and I pick up like a piece of,

like a two by four from the ground. You're casual. Just like now, whoa! While she distracted. I completely suck her butt. Like, it is completely dissing. Get gunged. Yeah, I'm just very casual.

You have overwhelmed her, even though you have also, many of you taken a tremendous amount of damage. Some of you have even fallen, nearly died. And you are able to smash into the back of her with this two by four. And she cries out in pain. Give her the wall!

And she falls down. And all of her allies, all of the summons that she created burst into tokens and into tickets. They all flutter around the battle arena. And she doesn't quite evaporate just yet. She looks up at you and you can see that she found what she was looking for. Found in your pocket, Andy, one of the old cards that you had been holding on. to for all this time. And she's, I knew it.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I'll see you again, Andy. I'll see you again. The next time I'm at the local cheese. And she disappears, vanishing into, against a cascade of tokens and ticket that crashed down onto the battlefield. And blinking, those of you are still conscious, awake, realize that you're back onto the arcade floor.

It's as though this fight has been happening here. happening here this entire time. Arcade cabinets are blipping and blooping in all directions. They're patrons and customers walking around. None of them seem to have taken notice of the grand battle that you have just experienced and taking a breath. You realize your two friends are in grave danger. And you don't get a bread away, though, right?

I pop on almost this way. And that is when we will take a quick break. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Avantress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragon 5th edition.

And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. suddenly reemerged back into the local cheese. You can hear the sound of commerce and gaming all around you. You're on the edge of the arcade floor where what

was a Marshall the Scattering Tournament is now seemingly vanished, gone. Instead, Galileo, Gary, you are staring down at the unconscious bodies of Andy and Knuckles. After 12 seconds, I wake up.

Andy, your eyes fluttered. and you return to one hit point. Eddie! Oh, God, I have a wicked hangover. You're lying to his girlfriend. Almost killed us all. What the fuck, man? Dude, I don't know.

I swear it's been almost 20 years since I've even seen her. Where'd she go? Oh, man, it was crazy. It was crazy. Carrie hit her with a two-by-four, bro. She exploded. I think I killed her. Well, I mean...

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry for your loss. Nah, I mean, well, like, did she say? Anything before? Oh yeah, no. God, what did she say? I think it was, ooh. That's cold, Gary. Somehow I'll return or something. No, I think I think you're, are, are these coins and tickets? Is that, are they hers? Oh, no, we got to pick all these up. Yeah, she's voted in a bunch of toes. And knuckles are still down. We need to, we got to get them from here. We got to get all the tickets.

We can't afford anything. You were stepping over me to go to. I will try to help Galileo and Gary gather the tickets in the D4. You start to scoop them up into your arm, separating the tickets and the tokens. I need you to roll 1D12 tokens, 1D12 tickets, 6D4 tokens, and 6D4 tickets, and that's how many... Eats or total? Oh, man. Who wants to do the D12 tickets? D12 tickets.

You want to do D12 tokens? I'm dead. No, you're fucking involved in this. Hell. There's ghosts everywhere! There's ghosts everywhere! It's a team effort, bro. It's a team effort.

Here, let me do it. How many D6? Six. Oh, he said four D4s. Sixty-four's? It was six D-4 tokens and six D-4 tickets. I got six on the D-12. Okay.

Give me some D-4s. Yeah, that feels good. I'll do D-4 tickets. We need six D-D-4. Wait, 64? I think he said six D-D-4. How many D-4s of our roll? Give me all your D-4s first.

I got one, hold on, hold on. I just need one more. One more. So this will be for tokens. Yes, those are for the minions and to the D-12th for Mena. And then we'll divvy everything up. Four, five, six, seven, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, seventeen tokens.

I got seventeen tokens to give out. You roll all of these four. Open your mouth, Gary. No, way back. You know, way back. There we go. Oh, God. I've never seen them fit so much in that.

You know what? All the comments on lines say Diet look delicious. Don't eat them. I think it wasn't true. It was all a lot. It was all a lie. Okay.

Okay. That's three plus whatever the fuck that says. There's nine. Three, nine. 10, 11. 11. 12. 12.

13. 13 tickets. 13 tickets. Plus six. Plus six. So we have 19 total tickets. And then how many tokens did you roll before you punched your ghost? I didn't roll anything.

Go ahead, roll a D12. Plus that they got ghost. Three. 20 tokens. So you get 20 tokens and 19 each. Nice. All right. And you're able to be able to be able to be in up.

If I survive this, I'll preemptively add five. And then we have 19 tickets, which means everybody gets five tickets, but one person gets four tickets. I will give away. Are you sure I was going to give away? I'm going to give away. It was my last one. I did. Well, I guess that's very safe.

That's true. That's true. I mean, nothing I'm conscious to make this argument. Okay, all right, we got to get food. We gotta find a, I don't know, pizza. A burger, something. A burger. We gotta shove it down a string.

A presence test to see a... A full plate of chicken paccata. Anybody. Anybody got chicken paccata. You do see that in the corner of the arcade floor, not 20, 30 feet away, there's a vending machine. Stay here. And I run over the vending machine. Okay. try to see what I can find.

Oh, Torin' Knuckles, Andy's gonna be right back, man. It looks like they have... No, no, no, no, no. They're light tabs. Chips and candy. It would be the equivalent of a pizza slice. Any one of those items would do would be D4 healing. Each one costs two tokens.

D4 healing, each one cost two tokens. Two tokens for a big dog candy bar? Got it, Flacin's Terry. I will, yeah. Even back now. I'll just grab one item, go down to three tokens. You back. And I'll run back over with, what's your favorite kind of getting?

Because I know it. And he does it. Pay bays. Oh, yeah. Do they have pay days? Of course. Okay. Knuckles loves pay days.

I ripped the wrapper off the payday. You push in the number and it goes, I don't have time for this. It shuffles out. I rip the wrapper off the payday, and I shove it down your throat to give you. One point of feeling. Oh, no.

Knuckles, are you alive, man? Are you live? Oh, man. I cough a bunch of it out. Chocolate and peanut on the floor. Knuckles, I'm so sorry, man. Are you all right? Anybody want a peanut? Yeah.

Do I still look like the rhino from Disney's Marvel's, the Spider-Man's... Universe is beyond magic the gathering. Asbrose, which is the goddess, the magic the gathering, universe is beyond satin? No, the illusion of battle is faded and you now look like Knuckles once again. Oh, welcome back, huh?

Listen, I'm really sorry. I had a crazy dream. I think I went to Catholic heaven. Oh, yeah. What a poly-Catholic heaven? But there weren't many polygons at all. Just the few of them. Well, did you see our arched nemesis?

You know, I don't think the Pope was, I don't think the Pope was gonna go together, guys. Like he said, he still alive, right? No, but he had that helicopter. He could have gone. It's very funny. I like that a lot. Thank you, Derek.

Good job, grummy. No, they were just a bunch of cute little animals they're singing at me. I think that was more of a coma-induced hallucination. I don't think that was real. Look, all of us got roughed up pretty bad. I don't know about you guys, but we look terrible. And worse than that, Knuckles and I are stone cold sober.

Oh, you're right. Fate worse than death. Oh, my God. It's 9.30 p.m. at the local cheese, and I'm fucking sober? If I don't get a beer in me soon, I'm going to start shaking. How much do you kill me for? One. Oh, fuck.

Guys, I hate to say this. I can't get this. image of that dolphin's looking out of my head. Oh, that's he? He was walking around with a huge... Yeah, it was like, look, it was like a draft hole. Who makes art like that? I don't know.

He's fucking crazy. Your ex is into some weird stuff. Wait, do you see that? That was fucked up, man. Guys. That was fucked up. She, shh. I gotta be honest with you.

What the fuck, man? What the fuck? We barely dated for a few weeks. And we barely dated. I can't imagine after all this time, she's still hung up on all of it. I mean, the fact that she thinks that 25 years,

later, you'd be still holding some stupid fucking cardboard rectangle on you that you happen to have maybe taken in the early 90s? And I go to open my wallet. You open your wallet and that card, that special card. The one that had been weathered in your wallet for that whole time that you've been looking at all these years is missing. It's ridiculous. I put it back on pocket. Yeah, that's insane. Are you kidding? That's crazy. You know what? I'm glad I broke up with the Rover email. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just. Yeah. Yeah, when you said you broke up and you, you, you, you Google, you, you, you, you, Google, you typed in her AOL.com.

Yeah. And hit, hit send and went, it did exactly that, you know? I was like, wait, wait, wait, what did it do? What? Is it like a, like a, I think it was. Like a, some kind of pigeon? Yeah.

Is that what you're like that? Yeah, I think so. Oh, man, that's pretty cool. Anyway, guys, I'm sure you got wrapped up in this. All right. Yeah, look. The four of us, fours, a booth is fun. No, we don't want to say.

Let's sit at the bar. Gary's right, we gotta get a seat here. We gotta get a drink, man. I'm starving and I need to drink. All this drama, we gotta put it behind us and just knock a couple of cold ones back. I just eat a pretzel and just at least a cup of two of disgusting nacho cheese.

That's all I mean. You know that you'd be able to rest, eat, and drink if you went back to the front of the local cheese, exiting the arcade floor and going to the diner where you, that's where we're going. That's where we're going. You are making. Look for the host.

Feeling, even though you have a tremendous number of tickets, you immediately pass the prize counter, walking past Lenny, walking past the mini arcade cabinets, walking past all of the customers, and you were able to be seated soon enough. And the four of you find yourself sitting, feeling a little down. You know, I was going to even apologize to her. I should cut my face with that fucking card. I don't know what got into her. I was intense, man.

That was a strong opening. He was skilled that she can throw a trading card like that. I mean, it was really miraculous. She was able to transform the entire local cheese into a Japan-a-state. That was crazy. That was crazy. I can't believe she had that kind of entreat of power. We could have harnessed that power.

She turned and she used it for evil. I don't have too many tokens on me. I need a beer. How many tokens do we all get? I got three. How many did I get? Everybody got five. Oh, wow.

But I had to spend two of mine. Because my good friend. Yeah, that's... Because of me. Oh, that's sweet. I appreciate it, Annie, but to be fair, I mean, you threw me into that Japan and the arena. Without a new help for at least one. I did.

It was. You're actually. You said a minute. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You know, it's all my fault. Look, it's been, I'm rusty. I haven't played the game in almost two decades. And I, look, you're so strong, man. And that goblin, he just looked like, I don't know. I'm sticking in my, the bone out of my head. Yeah, me too. It was a big bum.

I was like, man, there's a real sick fuckler out. Do you accept my apology? I'm really sorry, man. Don't even mention it. Don't even mention. I mean, did you see that fairy chick, though? I think she was coming on to me. And then I blacked out.

I don't really know what happened. I mean, I don't think you've been in the ferry. No, I don't think so. I mean, definitely. I know you gotta watch out for fairies, man. They're the rough customers. A very, a prematurely balding waiter walks up, looking also very sad.

He holds up a pad of paper. Oh, how long? Welcome to the local cheese. When can I get you? 10 minutes? 10 minutes? Yeah, I mean, it's fine. We'll get a buzzer.

You're already sad. Can I get you some water? Can I get you like? You just really want pizza and beers? Yeah. We've had a long night. Yeah, pizza. Do you need scrap paper?

Yeah. Oh, come on. Thanks, man. You are set up. Wow. He just fucking gives it to you a bit. Does he remember that bit from the Twitter? I'm working on a team meeting thing, okay?

We gave you the order. Didn't get out here? That guy's obviously not a Chad's. I'll be back. And he turned. All right. All right. Team meeting.

Next, first things first. Okay. I'm writing this down. So we've codify it. We've got to shake on it. All right. No more walking around the local cheese without everybody having at least one hot dog in their pocket.

Yeah, that's just good. No jokes. I'll just say. I saw you going to make a hot dog in the pocket joke. Well. And I think Tim's gonna be pretty good, I just wanted to cut it off. Yeah, but seriously, we gotta make sure we keep food, yes. High fires.

Perfect. See, Gary gets it. It's very relevant. It is. It's relevant. That's a hot and song. Yeah, it's very hot and song. Anyway, I'm sick of hearing on the radio.

Keep food on you at all times. I mean, I always do. Why do you think I keep all these pockets? And I'll take out Tupperware full of ragu. My mom's ragu. Dude. You were happy for the whole time. I was fucking, I was half dead.

I couldn't eat this myself. Oh, man. I'm not saying that any of you should have thought to rummage through my dozens of cargo pockets. I should have checked your cargo pockets, man. I knew you had moms. It's only been like 30 years, fellas, that you've known that I keep my maz ragu on me in Tupperware. At all time. We got to start trying to sneak beers into this place or get loaded beforehand.

If we're going to really stick it to the man and break the rules, we got to be walking in here already blitzed. No, you're right. I think I can keep at least two beers per pocket, so we're talking like 38 beers. Dude, you get, you walking here with the whole rack. You know what? Next time, let's hit the fucking beer and wine store. Because the liquor store always closes it like APA. What the fuck?

Why is that the guys? These goddamn regulators. Okay, they just can't stop it. Rule number three. I'm the only one really a sword. We gotta get some better weaponry here, guys. I mean, Gallo shooting Nerf darts. And it doesn't go very well.

Yeah, I guess I just punch people. I'm all tapped out. You're strong as hell. I'm all fam. But you got to be like, like, what about that baseball bat you picked up? Oh, yeah. Knuckles, man.

I think this is a little more your speed. You want this? You pull nothing out. As you reach back, you realize that. You're a baseball bat. Oh, fuck. You're awesome. Like the beers and the...

And you, we got to figure out to increase your spell repertoire. Or get to some more. Like, how do you... We gotta get you something, man. Something, man. If only, if only, perhaps, however I learned magic would actually teach me how to get to the... Unlock the fifth spell of a day.

And wasn't always asking... What the fuck you're talking about? And it's always busy making flash at me. Gary, he's talking to, man. If only had... Someone getting gratitude, if everyone was ready to... You're really? I'm like, why are you whispering under your breath?

We're all right here, we can't hear you. If only someone would teach me, I'll... I love, that's a lot of people. I guess they want to be our friends. May I remind me that we have a similar relationship. You are like a parasite. You need me alive.

Okay, guys, we lost Gary. We got to move on without him. He's going crazy. But things are different around here now. I don't know what's going on with the local cheese, but everything's changed. Here's your pizza. It's one of those L-style phrases

that he puts down on the table first before serving the pizza. pizza so that it's above the table. And then underneath, he puts four beers down. What's gonna cost us? Nine tokens. Fuck. Well, if you guys need to put in two, I'll put in one.

Oh shit, that's not enough. Man, my head really got rattled. How many tokens? Nine. That's two each plus an extra one. Nine. That's when his pizza costs nine fucking tokens. No, in the beers.

No, it costs five tokens, and then a token each of each of you. Oh, yeah. So I'm down to one token, here's my two. I'll put up three, man. I'll put up two. Gow. I'll put up two. What a guy.

What a guy that's gal. I'll put up two. I think we're still short. I think we're still a George. No, 24, six, eight, nine. Oh, nice. Okay. Thank you for your patronage.

Enjoy your meal. Leave my pencil go. Oh, jeez. I raise my drink. All right, guys, this has been crazy. This feels like we've been here forever. It's only 9.30. Wow.

We've got the whole night ahead of us. We got at least an hour. and a half before they close. Well, here's to no more crazy exes, huh? Yeah, no more crazy. There's no way Andy has another ex. Like, there's no way. She's not the only girl I've ever dated.

I mean, no, no, you don't have no jays. No, wait, wait, wait. You don't know, you don't get a thing? Like, like all the girls I've ever dated? No, I think that was probably your one ex-girlfriend. Yeah, that's going to do with that again. Guys, I'm telling you, I've dated other women. Oh, yeah.

That's just awesome. I mean, so am I. I guess we all have, right? Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. And each of you add a beer to your bugs to be, however many you have, and you all enjoy a slice of pizza.

Yes. Oh, I'm at five. Oh, fantastic. Why don't you roll a D6 for it? What's such a pizza? Six. Oh, yeah, and what's the slice of pizza? to do. A D4 dealing?

Uh. Should technically be two sizes of pizza for all fine. Two each. Two each. So that's going to be two D4 dealing. Oh yeah. And I'm going to invoke resting rules and say that you've been sitting for ten minutes. Hell yeah. Short rest. Can I get two of those? I need to roll well. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. Hey, there's two. You can we know how we get more HP in this game?

I got seven. I got seven. Ah, that's held, baby. You know, I'm You know, I feel like, because you're enjoying a short rest, you may roll an additional D4 and heal that much. So I've healed 6, 7, 8, which puts me at almost max. We need to find a way to increase our health totals for fellas. Yeah, how do we level up in this game? Does anybody know? I don't really though.

I did it once on stream, actually. Oh, we did? Oh, did my hit points go down, maybe? That's very possible. Oh, unlikely. No, I don't think your hit points can change. I think your other stats can change. I feel like something went down, though.

Yeah, your other stats can go down. I think your hit points can go down. Oh, that's right. That's right. Well... But that's a problem for another day. I still have my eight hit points, fellas. You know, even though they changed the beer here, it's still cold.

And that's really all I need. It's a nice cold beer. Yeah. And it's still on draft. That's, you know, the good stuff. Yeah, Elit's still greasy pizza. Guys, you think you'll still be doing this for 50? Duh.

I mean, we're winners, right? Why would we have... We're winners. We're winners. Yeah, absolutely. Why wouldn't we? No, I'm just saying. What else would we be doing?

We have a healthy diet of pizza and beer. There's nothing that you go wrong. It's a simple answer. The answer is yes. I mean, our jobs aren't sedentary. You're always on your feet at the video store. I mean, that's fair. I feel like I got, you know, calves for days.

Oh, yeah, you're always working at the video store. I mean, Galileo's got his pizza delivery truck. Oh, exactly. And I just created for the lore. Thanks, Jerry. That's exactly what you know. I work at the video store. You deliver pizzas.

I'm delivering pizzas, ma. What do I do, guys? Oh, I'm between jobs. You just stare at work all day. Yeah, we talked about you. You're fun employed, man. Yeah, I mean, I got, I'm working on my Indeed resume. You're discovering yourself.

You're learning more about you. That's anachronistic. Sorry, I'm working up my resume. I'm looking into the paper for jobs. No, no. You're working on your monster.com profile. Oh, my monster.com profile. And also, on the side, I am still working out my screenplay, guys.

You know that, right? I am still working on that screenplay. You still? Really? You're doing that guy? You're going to bring that out again? Pumpin' knows for all to, right? I mean, I'm making some minutes.

And so, I'm making some edits. So, I mean, I feel like if you guys have time, if you want to read it in it. Well, I don't know. Gary, I, we're all kind of busy. Guys, we're all kind of, so. I don't know. I really think it's a shot, man. I think it's a shot.

I read it already. And he just took the story of Dracula, and he just changed a few things and threw puppets in. It's the same fucking plot. I really think it's a good one. Okay, Gary. Well, just, like, leave a copy on the desk or something. I'll read it at home. Totally had a whole bunch of musical members.

Oh, no. The entire thing's a fucking public musical. Oh, yeah. It's going to be a good one, Andy. I think that's finally going to be our big break by good by good screenplay. I think this is fucking Jim Henson. I mean, it's fucking unbelievable. Wow.

This is depressing. Well, it's called Nose Poofartu. Okay, I've completely changed my opinion. That's gold. That's going to be... It's it. It's Nose Puf R2. This is going to go straight to the top. With the name like that, Gary...

Why didn't you lead with that? We'd have to leave on the front page. Geez, Paul, are you having ready yet? I told you. I got it staveled of Kinkets. Guys, I haven't taken in my mind. I didn't go to Kikos in order to stable. I can't wait.

You see it, man. Once it hits stage, it's going to be awesome. Yeah, well, I'll have to pass it around with some directors. You know, they're very, I'm sure they'll read the whole thing. With a title like that, how can you not just get sucked right in? Exactly right. It really sucks you up. Guys, I cherish these days. Yeah. I hope we do this forever.

Yeah. You ever feel like the older we get, the faster these nights fly by? Yeah. Sometimes I do. I feel like we're hurling towards a terrible economic collapse. And the utter destruction of the entire middle class. No, no. The internet is at an absolute peak.

There's no way to go up. And all that will be left is increasing wealth and equality. If you're smart and you listen to me and you invest in that company that I told you about last week, you guys all invested, right? In this thing, you nerd. Like, it's the big thing. I don't even know the me how would I even begin to invest in a video I'll show you you need to get every penny every dollar you can afford and put it into Enron Enron yeah what what so sell me on Enron Andy it's gonna be it's I mean it's huge what it's the next big thing no what do I'm asking what does that it says it writing the name and Ron and oh they've you don't know what that means I can't help you

and what founded by some guy named Ron probably the Samuel Rob founder I mean Pretty good bet. Yeah, just trust me, guys. I could probably... Engine Rom. I do still have, though, the back three digits of my former mother-in-law's credit card. Oh, really? I bet I could invest something.

There's no way that that's not. Gary, you were married? Yeah, you didn't know this? You know what I was married? Oh, no, man. You didn't have got his ex-wife? I don't think I were married. I don't think I were married ex-rifice.

I mean, you brought over, like, like, free pizzas for, like, three months after the... Oh! You remember that they had that? That was the free pizza time. Are you okay? Oh, gosh. To be fair, we got pretty roughed up. I'm, gosh, I'm worried about Galileo.

I think it might be slow acting, cow, and poison. It might be like mercury. No, no. Kind of being like one of the core of medieval alchemy or something. They probably drinked it right in his ear. No, I think that's when, you know, he and February were on kind of rough, you know, rocky times. So I think, you know, he didn't have as much focus back then. So it's got to make sense his memories wouldn't be as clear, you know?

be as clear, you know? I wasn't paying on attention to a lot of stuff. I mean, I was going through rough time and I really could have appreciated the extra stuff. We've all had some... Oh, my God, getting pizza! Okay? Thank you very much for being a good friend. Look, we've all had some rough moments. But that's why we're here for each other. We're best friends. And, you know, in the curtain section

at the video store, I didn't... He'd pew to the 10 minute I'm with that. That's gross. Wow! You never mentioned that before. You never mentioned that before. Yeah, you're sick. It was the leader.

The current portion. on the wall. Who's got to clean that? He is his knuckles. Please tell me. We don't clean, man. No, we don't care. He looked the other way for the noise order.

You know, why I'd be wearing them, man. Yeah, I mean, it's, geez. Everyone else back there is a sick fuck, but me. Everyone else is a sick fuck. But I'm not a verber. I'm not a sex man. You're not a no, no, no. Everyone else there's a total weirdo, but not me.

Not all Gary, keep me foot on Big Dead is good, Barry. Gary, that's all well and good, but, you know, perverts and glass viewing boxes shouldn't throw the set tapes. That's very wise there, Randy. I remember when Cheryl Crow said that. Yeah, like, two months ago. Two months ago when Cheryl Crow said that. Oh, blues travelers.

I should learn the harmonica. Waiter walks back up. Do you guys want anything else? I mean, I would love like 800 beers, but unfortunately shit costs money. Oh, I've already given... No, hold on. And he looks at your hands

and you can all prominently have the... That was our first beer bag. Two beer limit tag still on the top of your head. I shouldn't have even given you that first beer. No, no, that was. our second beer and then you got us all with the stamp. You guys have gotten stamped. Right after you gave us the beers, you stamped us.

That means that you're at the limit. Yeah, it'd be a real shame. We're at the limit. Hold on. So no more beers. It would be a real shame if your manager found out that you over served. It'd be a real shame. Are we doing this, Gary?

It would be real shame. I know we're all roughed up this, bro. It'd be a real shame if you got blackmailed. Well, it's like that's good word, man. Let's see if you know. I like it. Keep going, get going. Real shame.

Keep going, Gary. Think about this, Gary. You just told him to be ashamed that they found you over service in the solution. But no, over service. No, as long as he will be. Make a difficult presence test.

Oh. Do I roll D6 or D20? It's a D20. Shets. And then add your presence. Didn't you get like a huge presence bonus? Yeah, but that was like during the fight. Yeah, it went after combat, that faded.

I think we twist. We still have one twist. Yeah, we have one twist. Let's do it. I got a thing now last twist. Last twist. This is gonna be a natural toy. I'm gonna see a ghost skull from my Hort King Dyes and pre-order now, the Purgubu Borghumu.

Oh, I got a 19. A 19? Nice. Ah. Let me see the tokens first. Okay, I got, I got, uh... Four tokens. Four tokens. Oh, man, I only got one left.

Wait, four tokens. Andy, I know. Oh. Here, Andy, I'll get you. You know, you know? Thanks, man. I got you. I got you, man.

And we didn't resolve your fifth level of of Buzz. Oh, we didn't. No. So roll a D6 for me and add five. You know, and you knew I like paydays too. You know, that's a real friend. I always remember six. Roll to one. You suddenly see everything as though you were witnessing life through a CRT television. It all has scan lines. It's a little blurry around the frame of your vision. It is though your eyes have become CRT television. They don't look that way to everyone else, but you are looking at the world as the though monitoring something through an old TV. Everything flickers. Gain plus one presence. Oh. And lose one strength.

Oh, easy. Wait, all of us? No, just, just, just, the- So it'll be your total here to see if you can bump up a bracket. It's not gonna be your ability modifier. It'll be to your total. Yep. And the, the, it's on the cheat sheet, the modifier.

Oh my God, I just got a notification. that the cooking food is being shipped to me. I just got the notification. That's pretty cool. I got mine on Monday. From UPS. While on a stream, I have you know. He turns and immediately comes back delivering

the additional beers to you, and you all can continue to converse as you are taking this rest and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your Friday night, Saturday night, Wednesday night. Did we successfully blackmail this guy and give this more beer? You do?

Yeah, absolutely. Ho-ray, I'm at seven beers, GM. Oh, well, why do you, uh, I'm at two? get this fruit fly. It's three is the first break point, right? One moment. Start on the feel of buzz. Roll a D8 and add seven.

A D8. Six plus seven. Six plus seven. Seven plus three. It's ten. The actual three left over would be a 13, GM. Your head grows massively big. You go into big head mode.

You gain maximum HP and HP equal to your toughness score. and your agility is now equal to six. It has to be modifier. Oh, man, it's pleasily. The score? The score becomes six, and your maximum HP and HP go up by your toughness, modifier. Oh, modifier.

Yeah, sorry. If I had negative, would that drop me? Can it be minimum of one? Minimum of one. Yeah, I got eight points now. Oh no, guys. I think it actually is the Catholic poison. God, in the back.

Something's happening in my eyes, and no, I see Gary has a huge head. We can see that, too, Sheneh. He's got, like, a brain bleed or something. Oh, Gary, what the fuck? You okay, man? Oh, okay. Are you all right? Oh, I don't know.

His head's not, like, extra squishy. It's just normal. What if this is the Catholic church? His head is massive. It falls over. It's like a keg on the, on the table. Oh, that's a fuck. about a blast from this act, guys. I don't like it. I feel like this is fucking justice.

This is fucking divine judgment. We gotta stop messing with the church. We're really playing with some stuff that we don't understand. They're messing with us, man. They're messing with me. A little polypope kidnap me. It's true. I don't really know how rights toile any of this. What are I really? They don't like you at all. They really don't. He's making it about him. And now that, oh, God. Now it's extra real estate if there was a spotted yellow rodent under my head and teaching me out of the bad thing. Oh, gosh.

Oh, gosh. I don't feel, I don't feel something good. You don't look so good, man. How many years have you had, Gary? Maybe like seven or something. You're losing count? I maybe lost count earlier. There was a lion in my face.

I was like, oh, my gosh, there's a lion over there. You are obliterated. And there's a lion right in front of me. So nervous. All four of you are starting to feel it, though certainly less so, you Andy and less so, you knuckles. You're farthest away from your goal than you've ever been, having been knocked out so thoroughly. The Galileo, Gary, you are well on your way to annihilated, and you are starting to feel the effects.

All right, we need a plan. And then a plan is getting more tokens. Because more tokens equals more beer. And if we only have an hour, hour and a half to keep drinking, I don't want to leave this place sober. Look at me Look at me I'm trying I'm trying

I can't It's like looking through A snow feel We gotta get more tokens I don't care What that means Oh are you all right gal I don't know

Maybe he did Stick you with the Catholic poison I think maybe it's true But I know I'm getting Self-conscious Because the last time I brought it up Gary said I was making it

all about me So I can't believe Gallet It's all making it about himself I think you're fine I don't have a big ego or anything

You know I can't have knuckles, I can't barely see, man. I feel like you really, you know, lost your ego once he took all those mushrooms that one time, remember? Oh, yeah. That was life-changing, man. Right? Yeah, it's what you called that. I think that fun.

I firmly believe that you can't really understand reality until you've had several times. Why do you water to the desert without that? Listen, that's what one does. You strip all her earthly belongings and then you wander into the desert? You went out there naked? Yeah. Dang. You can't take things with you.

That's how they get you. Into the desert? Yeah, no, no, no. What if a snake, you know, beat you. Like, good luck. Good luck, snake. Have you seen how fast this guy is? Yeah, you kidding me?

Those legs. I got to take my lion and ghoul and some kind of mechanized mall? I'm not even sure if that was real. Oh, it was real, man. You see you moving out there? No, you didn't. I was a guy. You were a bomb, man.

I didn't get hit by a bomb. That's all I'm saying. You think the snake could catch me? I feel like I dodged it, but then somehow how fate changed in the last second it was like, blew my ass up. Oh, yeah. She got lucky, I think. You just thought that you were more agile than you actually were.

I think that's kind of on your head. It happened. I was out of the way. And then the bomb came out. I don't know, man. Look, you got to get tokens. We got to figure this out right now. I'm not leaving this place sober. I don't come to the local cheese that leaves sober.

No. No way, Jose. I'm going to need another beer, so I think if we can go. I mean, I have one token left. I have one token left, too. So do I. You know what? Number one rule, pocket hot dogs, okay?

Oh, pocket, well, I got my pocket ragged, so next time if I go down, just fucking remember that. But I think we add hot dogs to the rotation, and you each need one. Shucks, I mean, I've, I have Jiko jeans, and so my pockets are enormous, but I'm keeping my second dream cast in my left pocket. Wait, you carry your entire second dream cast?

Yeah, and I have my backup second dreamcast in my other pocket. Not even a game gear? You carry a whole dreamtack. I carried two. I mean, they're not going to be around forever. It's actually quite a short lifespan. I've got to carry it with me wherever I go. Well, why the fuck are we playing these arcade games?

Let's find a DVD to plug in your fucking Dreamcast. Yeah, if we knew you had a Dreamcast, we wouldn't have to come to the local cheese play video games. Jeez, Gary. I mean, I just like that out of your ass and social aspect of it. I mean, I guess we get to drink beer and play video games. We don't have tokens. We have terrible jobs. Well, I didn't say I had any Dreamcast game.

Gary! I just have a 3-second Dreamcast and a backup second Dreamcasts. You know, I was always wondering why you just like plug the Dreamcast in and just stare at it with the TV. You don't even have Shem-Moo on you? In your minds, all of you suddenly see a flash

as you picture the price counter and you recognize that for a certain number of tickets, there are cartridges of Dreamcast games. They're able to escape over there? They've got Power Stone. Power Stone Stone. Power Stone! Power!

We got SoulCall. They got Soul Calibur. They've got it all. Oh, my gosh. Wait, Skies of Arcadia? You better believe it. Sonic Adventure 1 and 2? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Has it all. But we need tokens. We need tokens. We need tokens. We have to beat up some patrons. We got to. They got crazy taxi. Can we just farm magic?

I mean, Marshall, the scattering players and just beat them up. They're all gone. They just vanished. Didn't you notice the stench one way? Oh, you're right. I smelled perfectly fine. I think we head over to the ticket counter.

We see what we can get with our measly 19 tickets. And then, you know, maybe we finance some tokens on the way. Maybe we're going to rough some people off some tokens. Yeah. Maybe some people drop some. I should save my last token. No, you're right. You're right.

You never know when you're getting a token. But we still got to get work on the pocket hot dogs. Well, I mean, can you afford it? How much is a hot dog? I don't think they're cheap, man. It's probably not one token. That candy bar was like two tokens or something, right? Yeah.

I mean, I don't have one left tokens were a payday, man. At these, jeez, these prices. I feel like a hot dog's got to be at least five or six. We've got a whole pizza for five. Hot Talk's probably like three then. If I had a guess. I guess let's actually go try to find Lenny. Let's go find Lenny and see what we can do.

All right, let's go. Cause a shave. You start to, you start to. Oh, Gary, you don't have a chin. What the hell, man? Oh my God, Gary. What are you done? You got no chin, bro.

No, that's a shame, man. It's just going to. straight down. That is so foul. Why is it so wrinkled? Why is it so wrinkly? You look sick, stop it, man. You're like a sick turkey.

Gubble, gumble. It's even more exaggerated because his head is still the size of the cane. I'll sleep for you. Scoot out of the booth, disturb discover that it's not actually locked down to the floor. It sort of moves and shifts in the floor. moves and shifts away. Oh, gosh. It's the fucking worst.

As you make your way back out of the dining experience offered as a local cheese, we start to make your way towards the hall that will take you to the arcade floor as suddenly a group passes by. They burst in through the front entrance and bright lights, hit you, hit the flashy, loud walls, pointed in all directions, but they're all centered on one figure. February O'Hulahan. as she starts to make her way into the local cheese. We are on the scene investigating what happened earlier this evening.

We are going to start at the very gracious accommodation of manager Reginald Squeakley has led us in to interview many of the patrons here at the local cheese tonight. Stay tuned, everybody. This is Channel... Action 4 News. Six News. and she continues to walk backwards as the cameras flash past and make her way disappearing into the arcade floor.

What are the chances? Oh, I don't know. I mean, she was just right outside of her bringing the little balling books. Yeah, the chances were probably pretty good then. You know, I didn't think she'd come in. I mean, why would she fucking come into this place? Now that, you know, we sort of took care of the whole problem. The Pope was gone.

We killed the big floating rat head. Like, that would be the story. Yeah, I mean. That's pretty fucking great. I mean, she can't jump. She can't even sleep up that. that ding-dong-dubs. Oh, shit, man, you unchained.

Oh, yeah. Whoa. His head, it's actually really gross as his head shrinks back down to normal size. His beard pushes out of his face like Play-Doh.

You all stand there looking out at the arcade floor confronted with the fact that you're tired. The evening, perhaps, is almost done. February O'ulahan is somewhere there out interviewing people about the events that you, yourselves,

were personally involved in, and you need more tokens, you need more tickets so that you can drink more beer. And that is where we'll call tonight's session. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or Higher to unlock Shrout over Salt Marsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventras. If you want to chat about the episode with the advantageous community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventures.com slash Discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, so make sure you follow our socials at Legendsofaventris.com

slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror 5E supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again, and we'll see you next time.