Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 7 | Sudden Death

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

What happens when one of our heroes finally has 13 Beers at the Local Cheese?   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/H9jnCfNF2D0?si=naydAeLtJZzEjCyn

We are Legends of Aventress. 13 beers. Insert coin. The local cheese. Press any button to start. 13 beers. The local... Introduction.

Press any button to start. No, I love that. I would say, insertion. Insert any buttons to start. Insertion. Insert token. Insert token. Insert to continue.

Press start. It's continued. Press any... Are you a tired adult with too much energy and too little dignity? Then unleash your inner child. You're loud, sweaty, obnoxious, belligerent inner child at the local cheese. Everybody shout and throw tokens in the air like confetti.

Yeah! We've got pizza we legally have to call savory-crusted entrees. We've got arcade games that already know your name. We've got prizes. You swear you remember owning as a child. Everyone fight and wrestle with stuffed animal toys as they spring to life. Coming soon, the world's first drive-through escape room.

Everyone pretend you're stuck in traffic. God, this sucks. Hey, come on, jackass. I can't believe it. It's just an accident. It's just an accident. Stop looking. Stop rubber ducking.

Oh, well, actually, now that's... The local cheese. The local cheese. The local cheese. The local cheese. Please, oh, please give us cheese. We're on our knees for the local cheese. The local cheese is not liable for missing your child's birthday or accidental employment.

All lawsuits must be filed. at the prize counter. These commercials are getting, like, kind of, like, creepy, and, like, they're, like, deteriorating, like, weird back rooms, like. Oh. This is definitely turning into analog horror.

Is the local Cheezza cult? Yeah, this is, like, holy shit. Is the local Jesus, I. A dramatic synth sting and cut to February O'Hulahan in a bright blazer. Wind machine blowing her hair back, gripping a microphone like it owes her money.

I'm February O'Hulahan, and I'm here. to expose the full story. On the streets every day, asking the hard questions and keeping at it until somebody spits out the truth. Yeah, that'll show.

They say good and hard investigative reporting doesn't exist anymore, but I've been giving it good and hard my whole career. Taking every angle, going where others were, getting the inside scoop. That's the kind of reporting you expect from a leader and a finisher.

LCN, go all the way. You're all sitting in the restaurant at the local cheese. It's the most obscene that you've ever written. You just have some fucked up shit though. Hey, if I don't know a hoolahann really does go all the way,

another one great reporter. Oh, boy. What a great beat reporter. Shucks. You are all sitting. I'm blushing. At the restaurant at the front of the local cheese, having just gotten some pizza and beers in

you and recovered from your confrontation with Andy's ex-girlfriend Mina. Man, Mina. She was a rough customer. She was a rough customer. She almost killed this guys. Moments ago, you also spied the very same February O'Hulahan that you've seen in the commercials race in and disappear into the arcane floor of this combination restaurant and adult arcade.

The crowd is watching. They're following. They sort of disappear. and you can hear the murmurs sort of disappear into the loud chaos of that space, leaving the four of you there still sitting at your booth. Oh, whoa. Gosh, guys. Oh, man.

I'm a little banged up from all of that. Again, I just want to apologize, guys. I didn't mean to get you wrapped up in all this. Man, it's okay, Andy. We, we handled it just fine. We did. It was a battle for the ages. I just...

It was just like my favorite battle scene from the Kingdom Heart franchise. That's a thing yet. Yeah, remember when Rut and Took from Brother Bear defeated Siphler all the scene for final Fats, C.A. Gary, are you, is that okay? I'm worried you have a concussion.

Whoa. I hear the words. What possibly could you... Whoa, man. What are you talking about? You're saying words, but it's not making any sense. Is your face drooping? What's going on?

This is like deep state stuff again. What he's talking about? Did you guys see? February 5? Oh, you're gonna fucking ignore all that stuff he just said? I didn't want to bring it up because I know it's a little bit of a sore subject, but I just, you know, it's also, it's like hard to miss her. I mean, is that just me?

I certainly would never do stuff like that. I wouldn't, not me. I would like just, you know. So we all did. The same thing, right? We all heard that. I was watching a news report. Yeah, we were watching something.

Yeah, watching the news report right now. Oh, yeah. You know, gosh, you can't see me here like this. You're not going to talk to her? No, I'm not going to talk to her? Whoa, man. Yeah. No.

Why would Gall even talk to her? No, I would. Yeah. Okay, all right. I just thought maybe the, I'm sorry. I misread the situation. Andy, man. Yeah, that's the big deal.

Especially like if ex-brose. Girlfriends are attacking us or whatever. Why would anyone's ex-girlfriend attack anybody? You know, Gary, that just happened. I mean, we literally almost fucking died, Gary. So that's going to happen at least two more times, man. You think? I'm still not convinced that this is like a thing that's going to just like happen.

Oh, you don't think so? I mean, why would it? Why would it happen once, man? We're just based on pattern recognition. We don't have enough information to make that assessment there, gal. I mean, unless you know something. We don't. No.

Did you see the club on that 1-1 Red Goblin? And also the weapon he was really. Yeah. Oh, he started on a weapon. Jeez. I mean, that was more brutal with Mung from Final Fantasy Six defeated Alameda Soria. The home on the rain.

All right, guys. Kerry, I need you level with me. Do you smell burth toast? Because I'm getting really worried. You smell burnt toast? I'm really in the... Oh, dude. I'm really into the Kingdom Heart franchise.

I have a lot of people that shop in the hot topic. Okay, all right. I've collected every ding-dog Mickey Waffle, Andy. Mickey Waffle? What do you? I'm going to get every Mickey Waffle. Perry. All right, well, if you start to feel like a little off,

you let me know, okay? I've pondered every crystal product there is. Okay. I've got my left. I need a drink. Yeah, me too. I have only got one token left, but I feel like the next round should be on me.

We gotta get some tokens. We gotta get some tokens. We gotta get some tickets. The night is young. We can salvage this. Wait, how am I mean, I have a pair, is this me? Hold on, this is my carry-fush?

Let me just take a quick look here. I have five old tickets. I got four. And I got two drinks in me, but I could use. I got five tickets. Well, I have five tickets, too. I'm like right on the verge of drunk,

you know what I'm saying? I feel like one more, and, you know, I'm in it. Now I'm gonna start exploding if you know what I'm saying. Oh yeah. I only have the one token though. I mean, we gotta get some tokens, man. I can't believe that if you cut me off.

I've had certain fucking beers. Keep it together, man. Lock it up. If you don't lock it up, they're gonna lock you up. Oh my gosh. So get it together. They better not lock me up. No, because if you get us all kicked out, I'm gonna be pissed, man.

They better not lock me up. Wait, how do we get more tokens? Isn't it just like money? My mind didn't give me any extra than night. I mean, that's all I got. I know, and to be fair, my income's been a little dodgy lately. Yeah.

I don't know, man. I mean, do we just go find it? I mean, like, maybe people are leaving them out on tabletops. We can definitely search for them, play some games. Can we just do you bring any of that stuff tonight? Wow. You know, the stuff you sometimes sell on the side? Oh, well.

That, like, we don't really talk about in front of this franchise. Whoa. What? Are you guys keeping secrets? Whoa, whoa. Andy, bro. I'm just saying that Waluigi looking perfect might be in the bathroom and he might be interested. You think I should take a little, like a little detour to the bathroom?

I mean, if you got something to sell and, you know, we know somebody's buying. Wait, that was like weeks ago. You think Reggie let the perver back in? That guy doesn't have the first clue about what he's doing, man. Oh, yeah. We just battled a giant animatronic sign up top of the house. sign up top of the house. You're right. And the polypoop flew

in on a helicopter. What was the one of I think? And get that, you're right. You're 100% right. And poisoned me. You think he's stopping perverts? Good point. Good point. You know, if you brought the stuff.

I mean, you might as well go check if he's back there. What is it? What is you bring? The stuff. Don't ask him. Look, Andy, don't ask questions. You don't want to know the answer. I do want to know the answers to you know. I'm telling you right now. I didn't think we had any secrets here, guys. Oh, dude.

I thought this was the secret circle of trust. I thought we were like the, the, the, the, triumvirum for plus one. I don't know what that's called. All right, he brought pogs. That's right. Cardboard circles with printed ink on them. No way. They're all the crazy for this shit, man.

They're all the rage for some fucking reason. You know what? You don't want to be a part of this. I do want to be a part of this. No, you don't. Pogs are awesome. It's the hard stuff, Andy. Cardboard circles.

Punched out a punchboard? What about the slammers? Those are real hard ones. We don't talk about. about the slammers. You don't talk about the slammers? No. Shit.

No, they, they, slammers. Gary, are you? I think Gary is slams. I think that's the problem. You're starting to get sloppy drunk, man. I need you to like tighten up. Andy. Yeah, Andy.

What? Andy. It's like slammers, like I was slamming my head against the wall. When I couldn't defeat Black Walt's number three from Final Fantasy 9 hated by Dodgers from You're gonna get it out. Voice by Billy Joel. He can't get it out.

Oh, thanks Billy Joel for joining the Squire Unix universe, man. Everyone is here. Everyone is here. Everyone is Illi Joel. Yeah. He ends in a Cleveland. He went by the next universe, man. I love the Joe.

Oh, gosh. Man, Black Wolf's number three, aided by Doctor from Oliver and Company of Wins by Billy Joel. It was really a tough ball fight. I think you're the prima players guy. All right, well, how about this? You guys, you guys have this whole Pogs thing set up. You didn't go Brady games?

What? Oh, Brady games. Oh, that's fucking rainy games. Oh, no, man. Oh, come on, don't tell me you're like a Madcats household. Oh, my God. No, I would do his house. I would do his ass.

Oh, don't worry. I have one extra controller. And it was the mad cat. Mad cat. No way. No, I'm upgraded since that, man. It was she. You didn't tell anybody about that.

It was shaped like for a link to the computer wife. Come on, man. I don't know why the fuck they did that. I change it out, bro. I changed it out. You don't invite somebody over your house. Tell me you have an extra controller and then give him the Mad cats. Come on.

That's just, that's just, I didn't know, man. You know, everybody gets one. Mad cats, more like glad dogs. Like Dodger. From Oliver Company with by Billy Joel. Okay, okay, right. You guys have this pogged plan.

I want to see who this is going to go. I want to see what this is going to go. But in the meantime, I'm going to start seeing if I can swipe some beers for us. Because we're already at the two-drink limit. This motherfucker's way over. We're just going to get our asses if he catches us. I know he's way over because he becomes a close talker.

And I can't get him out of my face. Andy. Yeah, Gary. You don't have to be that close, man. I really think I've heard. No, I can hear you. You're screaming in my ear. I found a new way. I found a new way we can really make it.

Okay, but just take a few steps back. I was wonderful if it was hot, man. It is. It's weird because he's a puppet, but he still has this hot beer. It's a smell like warm felt. It's kind of my talking about. Don't ask questions you got on one of the answers to it. So you guys tell me about this fucking Pog plan, and I'm going to go see if I can sneak some beers for us.

I think we need to invest in jeepers. Can we send Gary on like a solo plan to? It's an indoor amusement park with rides of questionable quality and also there's a gorilla. Why don't you go look for some drinks over there on the other side? Yeah, okay. We'll split up. We'll see if we can swipe some drinks. You guys leave here.

You guys wait here. But if this is really as deal as you say, like don't get caught, all right? Oh man, whatever you're just moving away. All right fellas. Hands in, come on. Hey, you too, Jackass, don't hit in. Don't get you. They find extras all that is.

No more for him, right? I water it off. I water it off. Poppin handy in, come on. I water it off. Okay. He's got it. In a count of three, okay?

Why are you bringing that? Beers on three. One, two, three. Beers. Split up. Two years. And I'm going to go see if I can try to find as many, sneak some drinks.

Okay. To bring back more than one. As much as I can, to bring back for the group. Gary's on his own. I don't know what the fuck he's going to do. I've water it off. As you all split up,

Andy. you're making your way through the restaurant, sort of keeping your eye out, surveilling the space, endeavoring to find perhaps some more beers, ideally fresh ones, but perhaps you'll settle, given that it's 9.30 in the evening

on a Friday or Saturday night, that's the local cheese. You, Gary, are skating along in your jeans. He skates a little while, right, that's for sure. Yeah, he's not skating. Very lovely. I sure hope my Jiko Jizo get caught up

over my skate roller skate wheels. It's never happened. You've done some incredible acrobatics in those. Escalator-eatting hair. But you also scoot off with the command, the drunken command, of finding beers on your own. And the two of you, whoever you are, Galileo and Knuckles, you are making your way.

Yeah, the other two, you guys, presumably you stand up and you are making your way to the bathroom to trade pogs for tokens. Let's go find that perfect. Yeah, let's do. You know, gal, we're walking in the bathroom. Ever since we started hanging out with an old guy, I always thought that, like, the odds of, like, a medical event happening

while we were hanging out is, like, not high, but the real possible, just given his age. And I just, it just feels weird that we split up, like, right as he starts having a stroke. Oh, no, man, it's weird to see it happen in person. You know, once a guy gets to 700, you think he's just good. No, he's deteriorating right in front of our eyes, man. I mean, he's still on his feet, but I, you know, I give him five minutes. Oh, stop.

Wow, man, you think it's the, you think it's the yellow spotted rat? It's actually going fucking bananas on his head or what? I think it's never learned by the secret. I mean, don't worry. You think it's just the deterioration of his physical form or something, man. I mean, I think it's definitely the yellow spotted rat under his hat, exactly right, and not the, you know, probably undiagnosed high blood pressure

for the last three centuries. Anyway, look, I'm the stand guard just in case Reggie shows up. You go in, you see if that pervert. Nice thing. And just, you know, beat him up and try to get the price as high as you can, all right? Oh, I don't know, man.

You think I could take him? He was kind of Shifty last time, man. He was like in between stalls and he was moving around. He had this weird energy to him. I don't mean the perverts, though. It was even weird. Just be chill, man.

like you always are, all right? You know, you can smooth talk anybody, except old February of February. Oh, that good, do you? No offense. No, I'm sorry, is it too soon? Is it too? I don't know.

After all this time. Are you two still together? No, man. We broke up, like, did you? Yeah, like a while ago. Why did you tell me? It's just I was embarrassed, man.

I mean, you bagged a girl like February, and, you know, it's just you're flying high. Your size can be. Now I feel real bad for what I just said. Well, but that means she's single, right? Yeah, I mean, I guess. I don't know. I don't really keep up with her love life or whatever, but why?

Why are you asking? Well, I mean, with catchphrases like that, there's no way she's free later. So, you know, why don't you just go do the thing and I'll stand watch here? All right. And I will sort of all across my arms and I'll sort of like, you know, lean again. I'm trying to act like very obviously cool and casual. while gal goes into uh you know the thing you stand from a restroom door and and it squeaks very bizarrely i sure hope there's no perverts in here as you walk inside uh it's

there doesn't seem to be any music play just give me walkie talking um unusually in the bathroom of the local cheese uh the floors are wet the counter the tops are wet uh you can hear a single i'm the kind of guy who takes my whole pants down to hit the urinal I just saying he just dropped he just got him all of our campaigns

this one is the most scary real he dropped it like what the fuck guys he just trout the real fake guy the only other thing that we miss is he stuck up a year and be like

who's ripping out all their pews Oh, God. It's the pew-ripping magician, man. And it, and it, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I hope, ripping your pewth out magician, man. Oh, no. Right that stepboard.

Break that stepboard. It takes 30 seconds for his step, step, boy. I got it. I got it. All right. He's definitely in there. Hey, dude, I'm right now. That's my favorite moment.

I'm the kind of guy who pieces in my pants all the way down. I got to run it down. You rounded the bend. And you are confronted by a line of urinals on one side and a line of stalls on the other. It's a far end of this hall. You see that there are two very muscular bodyguards wearing full black suits with ties.

Oh, in the back. Yeah, standing in front with sunglasses on. Both of them bald and looking beefy. And they're just staring right ahead, and they seem to be standing in front of the, the widest and largest of the stalls. Do they look like perverts? No, they don't, they don't themselves look very pervert. You're guarding something.

Oh, my God. Oh, what's up, guys? You don't seem like perverts. You seem like upstanding bathroom, hangout. gentlemen. Hey, what's your name? Oh, it's Galileo. My friends call me gal. You can call me, oh, really, whatever you want, I guess. You got business with the boss? Well, if the boss likes cool stuff, and, uh, you know, things that are hard to, uh, pure, if you will, and he wants to have a real particularly kind of fun kind of night. If you know what I mean, then yeah, I got business with the boss.

he leans down and gets right in your face what kind of cool stuff oh man no no no no all the kind of cool stuff you only explain to the buyer you know what I mean I'm talking cold hard tokens man he snaps and holds up a finger oh wow man he knocks

on the stall door I think a guy's gonna show of his shit hey boss we got a guy Nate You're named Galileo. I'm worried about that. He's got some cool stuff. You hear that in one of the neighboring stalls.

Hang in that, brother. Oh, man. Oh, my God, it's everywhere. I can't stop. Oh, too many pizza rolls. Oh, God, it's going Keogh, and over at the other skull. You don't worry.

They haven't done SuperSaid yet. He's been in here for hours. You go on. Hours! He's been doing that. He's got nothing left, man. He's got nothing left, man. He's got them.

He's all out of it. No, but you didn't tell anybody like that? You're going to get deep a thrombosis. What do I? I mean, that guy's definitely ripped something, man. The shitting man is not your concern. Are you here to do business or not? Yeah, man, I'm here to do some business.

But I was just saying that's a problem, dude. He puts his hand on the door of the stall. And she increased an oven. And you are invited into the largest of the stalls. And as you walk in through the entrance, you can see a pair of purple shoes on top of a wide mahogany desk that's inside of in this space. The toilet's been removed completely.

and wearing a purple hat and a purple vest stands or sits what appears to be a long mustache gentleman who looks at you with insane eyes. Welcome. Oh man, hey, my eyes are up here, all right? I know where your eyes are. Oh, okay. Let's just get down to business, man. Yeah, I hear you have some cool stuff. Oh, I got some cool stuff, all right.

Anyway, uh, let's talk pricing, huh? Boy, I will look at your stuff. And then I will tell you how many tokens it's worth and we'll make a deal. Okay, well, here, let me, I take my backpack off and I zip open the top and I kind of like, pull it up and just give them a little check of these out, man. And I pull out like a sleeve, like a plastic-covered sleeve

of, you know, like a whole stream of sweet pogs all pop together and I pop the plastic top. Oh, yeah, what do you think of these? Oh, they look fresh. Oh, they're fresh, man. They're the freshest, bro. Oh, bam. I like this shit. I could go for a token or two.

Oh, yeah, or like 20 or 40. You're going to part with the whole roll? Oh, let's see. I mean, how much you offer it, man? Because I could potentially part with the whole role, but I got to be well compensated, my man. And also, is that guy supposed to be here? That's just a part. That's just like, ambiance for you.

You can tell the Mace has learned a DM from Mikey when he's just like, I'll do this NPCA. I'm not this, bro. I got this one. You don't worry about this one, Derek. I'll do both parts. Yeah, yeah. Oh man, I mean... He waits for the screaming to die down and he leans forward.

20, 30. How many pogs? Oh, man. I mean, this is a whole roll, perfect guy. This is like 25, top to bottom. 25. What does the design look like on the front and back of this? Oh, something perverted, no.

It's like... It's like just a hefty boy turned around from the, you know, like a... Oh, and something else. Whatever design, he walks the mess. It's just like... Everything's fine going on in there. It's like a... It's that, it's that logo off the...

He plugs it from your fingers, and he looks at this perverted pog. Oh, they shouldn't have a smell. I think a token. A token per pog. Yes, a token per pog. This is a fair trade. But... Okay.

I would be willing. to part with two, two tokens per Pog. If you can vest me in a game. Oh, what kind of game, man? I mean... Fucking Pogs! Okay, well, I don't know if you were more like a collector and joy

or if you like to get dirty. I do a sitting here and do business and listen to people's shit. I want to play a game. All right, man. Well, I'll swing some Pogs. If you can vest me a champion Pog player.

Oh shit. And I will give you twice the number of tokens. Well, yeah, man. I mean, I can't pass out. But if I win, you give me the tokens for just one. You give me the pogs for just one. Well, how about if you win, you get them for like half or something? One is like nothing, man.

I mean, that's like, what? I'm just trying to get drunk. Make a presents test. You can respect that, right? D20? Yeah, and I'm dreading it. So, this is a minute. You're all this advantage, yeah.

Oh, shit. My lowest rolls in 18. Oh, shit. Shucks! I got your number, Berber, man. I know you'll take it up. It was the smell of the box. I'll see that look in your eye, did.

It's the same. Every customer gets it, man. You get up on the hook, Just a little bit. I can see it right there. If you win twice, twice the tokens. If I win, you can have half, half, half the token. Still.

Deal? I'll take that deal, man. Let's go. He somehow manages to slip his bare foot out of his shoe, and he reaches it forward as if to shake on the deal. And his toes sort of wiggle in a disgusting manner. Yeah. Man.

It's a deal. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. So he's got suction toes, man. He's got suction cups on his toes. I don't know why I feel like this, but I'm starting to understand why the Catholic Church would have

a galant. Really? You just going to just get that feeling? I have a feeling he is in proclivity for blasphemy and tablovers. Well, and then maybe it's on him. Yeah. Yeah. Stack up the pods.

Avoid. And he reaches his. into his vest as you start to put one pog on top of the other to create a 25 tall stack ready to game and he pulls out a massive slammer. Wait, do you not actually have no how to play Poggs? No, I had a bunch of my never played. So you basically put them in a stack and you use a slammer and you see how many you can flip over and you basically like keep the ones that you flip over and then you keep going till they're all going

and you see who flipped over the most Pogs is one of the ways to play. That was the classic. Got it. It's like a plate for keeps kind of game. like marbles. He pulls out a huge slamer. What does your slimmer look like? Ooh, my slamer, it is big, it is green, it has this cool etching all around the edge, and the logo, like a raised etched logo of a, like, well, looks like kind of an elderly rat.

Okay, okay. We're in the dead center. I'm a prize that you won here in your former adventures. As you settle in front of this beautiful mahogany desk, you are getting ready to game, and you start to focus your energy. Meanwhile, Gary, what are you doing looking for beer in the drunken?

Are you doing? I've kind of watered on back to Andy and I said something this here. I'm like, man, they were just talking about pogs over. I'm so glad I got my really extra rare pogs that I was loved to use. You brought pods with it? Oh, yeah, of course.

They're acting like some, some, you know, secret cabal of, like, pog stuff. They won't even, like, let us be evolved with it. I didn't think we had any secrets in our purge. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't really flash my super rare pogs. Okay, well, shit. My three favorite pogg, Leon, I think you, I thought you'd ever ask. Yeah, go ahead, Gary.

We got time to kill. My three favorite pogs feature the principal for Body Morphan Power Rangers. Of course. Classics. The logo of the Chicago Bowl. Classes. I mean, they're really on a heater right now. And a Tyrannosaurus

picking his teeth with a two-pookless pick that says, I loved Barney, because it's the time where we hate Barney and we wish violence unsaid of Lillianum. It's that era, you know? That's weird. That is weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are my three favorites. Well, thanks for Sharon. Anyway. I really need to guys beers, man. Just like I conquered the boss fight. of Gilgamesh from Final Fantasy 5 with the aid of Lady Cluck from Disney's Robin Hood.

Wild. I'm gonna go conquer on the fight of finding more beers for us now. All right, me too, good luck. I know I said I've done that like five times, but I'm gonna do it this time. Okay, don't come back till you do. He's going to go. He's going to go.

He's like, he's having some blowing his legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he watches he just drifts and then rounds the bend. I just shake my head and I try to go sneak more beer. And you're free to go where you need to go. Gary in this moment to see if you can find some beers. I look for beers. Okay.

Why don't you make a... I can steal, though, not to buy. A present test. Yeah. A present test. How are you going to steal them? Like, what kind of clever roozy? Nice.

I'm going to say, hey, got a genuine pod featuring principal for minor morphin power Rangers. Nobody looks up. Oh, dang. Presents? I got a 14. A 14. With a 14, you're still in the general restaurant area, and you're presented with a few options.

There's literally stealing from the bar, jumping out behind the actual counter and display there, and seeing if you could perhaps get, you know, navigating through the feet and through the under area to reach one of the mini-fringes, perhaps, and pull some of the beers from the actual space there. or try to hop up and actually use one of the taps and make it out in time before you're noticed by a staff member. Alternatively, you know that there are many patrons sitting there. They all have what would appear to be relatively untouched beers

sitting in front of them there at the table. Okay, I've also got two pretty good slammers, the Jurassic Pepsi Slammer and the rare vintage Japanese Pokemon Grimers slumber. That's rare. It's very rare. I just said it's very real. What do you think he's infersely Googling at rare?

You're showing me a googling pog. God. I snap it. I snap it. I need to find better pogs. I need to find better fogs. You're endeavoring to get behind the bar and see if you can steal some of these.

This will require a number of tests. You'll need to make a, dexterity check to see if you can navigate between the legs of the various staff members and you'll have to make a it's almost like a skill challenge in d and d. Let's see if you can not be spotted at this time. Hmm. Well, I'm gonna use one of those rare twists that we have. We got 10, so we'll be nine. Much better. Oh, wait, agility is it? 14. 14. You scoot into it's, you're feeling very ratatooie. as you... Why would you say that? I'm just thinking of any, you know, parallel that I could possibly imagine. Oh, my gosh. You scoot...

Don't listen to him. Behind a milk crate. And then you metal gear solid your way past a heated washing machine. You wait until you see a pair of legs past you, and then you dart to the other side. You are right next to the mini fridge there. And within, there are cans of alcoholic beverages, beers. Oh, my gosh. is this real

is this real oh man I feel like I can get a lot of ponds for some of these beers I've completely lost the water I have so many poggs featuring a strange

cave bad hairy creature that shows off his feet a lot but I guess I'll grab these beers now you wait for what you feel to the moment is right as the waiters and waitresses are attending to other customers, you dart out into the aisle and you pull the door open

and you grab presumably four beers. Your hands are full with these cans. Do you do anything else while you're here before you attempt to scoot away? Oh, man. Have you already left? I mean, yeah, there's like dozens of beers in this frisk. I'm going to try to shove the four into my Jico jeans

and then grab another four. Okay. You do do that. You start to push them into the pockets. I need you to make another dexterity check. Test. Another check test, as we say, in the test. Oh, gosh.

Oh, there it is. Dexterity. Oh! That's 19. 19. You push them down and you realize that perhaps your pockets have room for more beers. These are jinkgo jeans. And as you push them down, you realize that you might be able to push down

another four if you are fast enough. I'm gonna be fast. Oh boy. You reach in and you grab beer after beer, pushing them into your jeans. They're starting to fill up. Your legs getting wider and thicker and thicker with these big, big pockets. You're getting weighed down from the weight of these eight beers

that are now on you. And I need you to make a one last dexterity test. If you want to go for more, I think that you feel like you have enough time and you can be fast enough. I'm going to twist. That'll be down to eight. I'm going to use another twist. We're going to seven.

Seven. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's a 13. 13, that's just enough. You're able to grab the final set of four beers, push them into your pockets, and then you see one of the waiters to turn,

having taken someone's order, and you race back. You are able to escape the bar counter area, but you are able to dart back into the shadows underneath next to one of the washing machine

and breathing heavy you're able to take a moment hoping that you against hope that you won't be noticed when you try to exit despite your much

larger appearance now and that's where we'll pause meanwhile Andy what are you doing? I'm going to try to get us a round of beers but the way I'm going to do it is see if I can find a table

that has four fresh beers and just level with them tell them about the situation and see if I can trade. Oh, okay. Sure. You make an easy presence test. 16.

Oh. 16. With a 16, you don't just walk up to any random table. You actually sort of watch the drifting Gary disappear behind the bar, hope that he's not getting caught. And then you wait and you see one of the waiters carrying a fresh set of beers and set them down. And that becomes your target. sitting there at the bar, you see a group of what it could appear to be local drugs.

Just people who are here to drink, maybe put some coins in some machines, but this is almost like what appears to be their drinking hole. Hey, guys, what's going on? Hey, what's going on? Do we know you? No, no, my name's Andy. I don't mean to bother you guys. I just want to be real with you. Me and my buddies, we already hit the two drink matters.

I need a little bit of help here. I see that you have four fresh beers. I got a couple of tokens and tickets. Some items on me. I was hoping maybe we can make a trade. We just ordered these. We won't... This counts against our limit. Just say that they got lost. You know, it'll be fine, man. You think...

Why do you go tell them that your beers got lost? I can't do that, guys. I can't do that. But I might be able to make it worth your while. I mean, it's steep price. You know, these costs two tickets... two tickets. Two tokens each. Okay. Well, I've got something even better. And I've reached in my pocket, I pull out my Tomogachi.

Eh? Huh? Uh? Have you seen one of these? Pretty new. Pretty cool. Make a presence test. I got a 14.

A 14. The person who you've been engaged with is looking very skeptical. Skeptical. But as you sort of wave it around, you notice that the person opposite him in the far corner is like, his eyes twinkle just a little bit. And as you wave it, he turns, dude, it's a Tomogachi. Like, you get to take care of it.

You get to, he starts out. Definitely worth more than four beers. I'll give up my beer. I mean, come on, it's a tomogachi. It's worth more than one beer. I mean, he slides his beer forward. And he's like, come on, guys, come on. This is a steal.

I mean, this is Tomahogaj is worth of least eight beers. The skeptic turns to you're like, is there any like special Tomicott? Like, I understand. I understand, Doug. Doug. Let me handle it. Look at it. It's limited edition.

You can't find this color. You can't find this functionality. I mean, this one's like straight from Japan, man. Then it works. Oh, it works. I don't press any of the buttons. I don't press any of the buttons. I don't press any of them.

I just put it closer to him to see if you can see that it's like on and there's like a creature. Is the tag still inside or is it? No, no, it's active. It is active. So there's a little. There's a little guy moving around there. Yeah. See?

You just move around there. Make an additional presence test to see if you are able to... Come on. 14 again. 14. Oh, nice. Two of the others slide their beers forward as though to convince the skeptic. Come on, I just need one more beer, brother.

Come on. I had a hard day, man. You can't throw in anything else for a top of gachi. We're not all going to be able to use that thing. Fine, I got a Lisa Frank notebook. Guys, just go to this character. All right. Duh.

All right. There's no way he gives a ways. For the notebook, we'll give you the beers. Done. But we can't just be seen giving you beers. Okay. We're going to stand up and we're going to leave our beers. Then you can have a seat and you can do with these beers whatever you want.

I didn't realize I was dealing with a professional here. Awesome. Good stuff, man. Deal. I placed the Tomagapagashi on top of the Lisa Frank notebook. I hand it over. I fist bumped the dude who was super hype about the Tomahagashi. He grabbed for the Tomagachi, pulls it up,

fist bumps you, and goes, yeah, we got it. And he starts to look at it and, like, examine it, really excited about the experience he's about to enjoy for his whole life. I'd like to do the classic grab four drinks in two hands and basically just go see if I can find knuckles, who I know was alone. Okay, okay. You grab the beard.

Thanks, guys. And you start to make your way back. As you depart, you watch as, they're flipping through the notebook, they're sort of talking about whether or not they're going to be able to get an additional beer. And you hear the excited man pushing the buttons and you recognize the sound. And as he does, he summons the tomogachi. This tomogachi has its very special, rare ability to actually produce the tamagachi within. You had no idea that this functionality was possible,

but he pushes the buttons and almost like a Pokemon, a streak of energy and lightning slams down onto the ground as this Tomogachi comes to life. But it's been a while since you've had this Tomogachi and it has not been well cared for. It lands onto the surface of the counter and starts to screech. Covered, covered in filth and and, and,

Oh, God. I start to make a piece. You start, you start, you start. Any gaveaways limited edition, Lucasfilm, Star Wars, Rancourt, Tomoguchi. Ah, there's no way. He could have done that. Trying not to throw a beer, you start to run and race forward.

I just got fun. You round the bend and that's where you are able to find. Right as he finds me. Right before he finds me. Man, Giles been in there for a while. I look at my Casio watch. And I light it up. With the calculator.

Yeah, exactly right. Man, you know, did he think? You never talked about it. Do you think we were gonna pull off a classic con number one, number two skidoo? Maybe, maybe, you know what, just in case. And right as he turns the corner, he sees me walking into the bath.

And when I walk in and the door closes, maybe right as he's about to throw down his pog and I didn't, why didn't you do that? Spitting the sink. Why don't you fucking do that? Why don't you gotta spit all the top of the fucking sink? Who does that? And I start making all of the most ungodly noises.

Like people for some reason do the second they walk into a public bathroom. Yeah, no, you clear out. As soon as you walk into the bathroom, you can't see this. You can't see the music shell. You'd have to go to the other side rounding the bend to the line of stalls and urinals. But the bodyguards are shaking their head. I start walking around.

Hey, fellas. Do I see Gal anywhere? You do not see Galilee. You see what he was confronted with, the screams of someone in one of the neighboring stalls, and two very tall, very muscular, suited bodyguard standing in front of the widest, largest stall with the end of the court.

The door shutters, the door open. It appears to be completely shut. Wow, that guy can shit, huh? I really gotta go. You fell his mind moving out of the way. I always walk up to them and just try to get by them. As soon as you start to walk away, Two hands. Grab both of your shoulders.

Hey, whoa, whoa. This stall is occupied, all right. I don't see anybody in there. I don't hear anything. That's where the boss is, all right? Now, we're gonna have to ask you to use one of these other fine stalls. They're mostly operational.

Oh, there's other stalls? I didn't have to shit anyway. All right. You in here? Oh, yeah. You would hear the coughing, the screaming, and the sound of your friends. but you are focused on the game in this moment.

And it's it's time to start throwing down it. You can make a present or dexterity check to see if you can best his role as well. We're making an agility check. Exactly right. And I'm gonna actually roll his DR in a competition because I get to make up the rules on the screen. You do.

You have that flexibility. We have seven twists, by the way. All right. All right, first slam up coming down. Oh, did you know. 19. Oh, very nice. You hit the initial stack and half of them flip over.

Oh, yeah. He pulls his mustache and frustration. Oh, yeah, that stash, you sick. Pushing the flipover one. What the fuck? Oh my God. He stacks up the pause and fails a flip over. Getting them back up to, you know, 10, 13th, 14th.

Oh my God. That's all you'll be doing. Yuffy, yuffy, yuffy. He's doing it, he's doing it. He's doing it. He just used to yell at yonking it. Oh, he won't stop yanking it. Oh, man, he's really making this dough.

He pulls out his equally sized slimmer, and he slams it down, and he doesn't do nearly as far. The entire stack hopples, but very few of them actually flip over. A little performance anxiety. No, no, no, no. He's got his leg up still on one of the other people. Slimming it down left and right. Right, his mustache shaking back and forth.

Again, again, again. He stacks up the remaining. He takes, you know, three or four, but there are still 10, 11 pogs in this stack, and it's your turn to go. Mm-mm. Alright. That's round.

I think this guy might be a pervert. I don't alarm anyone. I don't alarm anybody. Oh, that's a 16. 16, you slam into it, and another five pogs spill out and over, leaving the stack very short, even more challenging.

challenging for the boss. And you are able to scoop those up as he takes the ones that didn't flip over, turns into the stack, and instead he, of punishing this what might be the final slam down, he pulls out an even larger slammer. It's almost the size of like a tomato can as he pulls out a... Yeah, I heard, I heard about the side like a... I don't know what we're talking about. A soup can, like a hamper about the bogs anymore.

anymore. Man, that is thick. How did that fitness? That is really thick hand, me. I'm gonna flip them all over, and he's going to Oh my God, he's gonna flip them over. He's not even, he hits it, he hits it dead over. He doesn't angle it at all.

His technique is terrible. He doesn't flip over any of them. You have this last opportunity to take the entire game. Oh, easy. Oh, yeah. Watch out for his tomato can. Man, that's a huge bog, dude. Get that back in your bed.

Bale, it's flipped over five. Oh, 16 again! 16. You smash into these final five pogs, and unbelievably, all of them flip over. You are an experienced pogster, whatever the number of pod player is, and you are able to flawlessly take every single flip pog, except for the first few that he managed to tip over. Yeah, nobody slams the stack like me, you baby.

Bastid! Fested! Damn you! All right, man, well, you know the terms. That's a deal is a deer. Yeah. He pulled the drawer open. And you... And that's double payment.

He pulls open this drawer and he's hit by bright golden light. As you hear this jangling sound, you are just outside of the... Does he have cross-band-aids on the back door? Yeah. For a moment. Like something out of the movie, Poltergeist, the creases of this dog...

Start to grow with this bright yellow. I mean, I really got it. Shit. I'll just go in one of these stalls and I'll go over. And I'll sit down and I'll immediately get on the floor and start commando crawling. You do that. You do that.

You do that. And you create a very surreal outcome. As you are crawling forward, you are, you Crawling forward, you, Galileo, are handspins. You're full stack of 50 tokens. But as you pass in front of the screaming, shitting man, you reach the large stall at the end of the corridor, but you don't see a desk.

You don't see a Galileo at all. Instead, you reach and look underneath like that, and instead you just see sitting on top of the toilet with his arms over his knees, this wall is he looks down at you. Ah, you choose, do I see Galileo at all? No, it's almost like an illusion. Oh, Galileo is presumably in the boss's room,

but as you stare up, he looks at you with this almost otherworldly effect as he seems to recognize the fact that you were there and almost shake his head, like you're not gonna get what you want by trying to sneak in here. Um, oh my god. Protection on the stall.

What will even do? Uh, sorry, wrong stall. Uh huh. I'll skew back what I thought. You turn and you scramble away, the screaming man. Ah! Watch as you, you scurried back to the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, empty stall neighboring.

And Galileo, moments later, you are, um, walking out of the stall with 50 tokens. You walk past the bodyguard and turning, you see from two, three stalls down. Knuckles, army crawling, military crawling, his way elbow over elbow. Clearly he's seen something of quite terrifying. He flushed him and he's got.

Knuckles, bro, what are you doing on the floor? What the fuck? Yeah, get off here, man. Oh my god, you're alive. Yeah. Oh, I thought he'd chewed. you up and shit you out. I thought you were done for.

I thought you were done for, you go. Oh, my God. I was in there just slamming away. On top to bottom, man. Oh, you were slamming away, huh? Yeah, exactly right. And good. Look at this. Knuckles, man. Check it out. Bids.

Like Pulp Fiction. The golden glow is not my face. It's next to each other. And it's like the crying beer meme where I'm just like, A tear goes down my face. You know, I don't know how much longer we have to live. It sounded like someone summoned a large, angry, but very malnourished, rancor outside. So there's that going on. But, you know, let's go enjoy our final moments.

Oh, man, what we got to do with a drinking out now, dude, especially after that. That guy's not going to be happy. You both are having this conversation as you walk out. You walk past someone walking into the bathroom. Number one, number two, scivoo, class. And just as the two of you exit the bathroom. And it's one of those stalls where there's just like a very empty, quiet room between one door and the next door. So there's like a...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You walk through that space in complete silence. And then on the other side, you run into Andy who has in his hands four beers. Dude. Guys! Oh, my God. I'm Andy.

What's going on? I got four beers. Oh, shit. I had to trade my Luciferang notebook and a Tamagashi for it. But I think it was worth it. Wait, is that your rank called the Amagashi? That's your limited edition? That's streaming for Tomoggi man?

Yeah, yeah, bad, bad news. Apparently, when you press the button, it summons the Tamagchi. Oh, and I ran. I didn't know what to do. Here, take a, take a beer each. Oh, I'll save this one for Gary. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, how the pogging go? Oh, Eddie, you never guessed.

Matt, nah, I did the bog. You popped? Oh, I'm bogged. How did you plug that guy? Pog that guy. Pogged him good? Listen, he took out some nasty stuff about halfway through, all right? Really?

I'm not sure it was turning legal. You gave him a good poggin. Oh, yeah, I give him a good poggings. Nice. You know, your old boy, gal, always comes out on time, man. Well, then I'll drink to that. I'm going to drink the beers that I, and I'm going to save one for Gary. I mean, are you the tokens?

Are you sure Gary needs another one? I mean, you know what? Yeah, you're right. A good friend would he deal with this himself, and I down the second year. That's right, please. That's fucking. hilarious. I go up to four drinks.

You hear this. I'm at seven. Pass me. I hear commotion. We'll resolve that in a moment. You hear this commotion as you are carrying 12 full beers on your person. And you hear this, you hear the sound of footsteps as you,

and the cocking of a pistol, as you realize that you may have a good distraction moment for you to be able to escape with all these beers on you. You got what 12 beers on them? You does have 12 beers on. I wonder what's going on over there. I got to skied away real quick. I skied away.

But then I kind of go off to the corner. Yeah. Like a dark corner. And I'll say, man, I got a lot of beers. I could distribute these eitherly. But on second, why should I? After all, after Andy ripped that very rare war. Gray Moncarter earlier.

And would have shared with me. Why shouldn't I drink? Drink 12. I mean, they only think I'm grabbing four beers. I wonder if I can drink eight beers right now. I wonder how quick I can drink eight beers. You contemplate this possibility. Realizing that, and what is your current drunk in this level?

God, it's just like that time Goldbeads faced off against moliation. area from Atlantis Lost Empire. Your total is seven. You only need six to get there. You only need six to get there. Half of the 12 you stole. I'll get to your act over six. Your back is now to the entire restaurant.

You're not even paying attention. You're feeling your mind almost close in on yourself as you realize the possibility that you may be able to achieve the unholy level of 13 beers. at the local cheese even. And behind you, you hear this loud pop. He's gone. Everybody starts to settle back to their tables

since the nightmare Tomogachi is put to rest. Somebody popped the Tomicacci, bust the gabins pass. Oh, my God. We lost him. Well, anyway, I guess what they say. Guys, I hope Gary's okay. Forbidden power. Oh, my.

I don't think he's okay. I mean, he's having some kind of medical. You drink, you crack the first one and you drink it. You crack the second one and you start to pour it down your gullet. You crack the third one and you start to, as you stack up, we're going to roll through the levels of drunkies. We also all hit seven.

I hit four. I hit seven. So you and I hit three. We hit three, he hit seven. You both hit three, you hit seven? Okay, so let's do these in order, one moment. I'm gonna go, Gary, I'm gonna come back to you last. Do the threes, do the seven.

Yeah, so let's do the threes real quick. The 20? I got a four. It is a D20. Oh, no, actually no, it's not. No, no, we're just, because he had levels of drunkenness. Add three drinks.

Three drinks, it's your level of drunkenness plus a 1D4. Oh, right. Very cool. I'm gonna check the cheat sheet if I'm not. We wanted to like add lots of different tables. You're not rolling from the same table each time. The drunkener ones get lower on this.

And you get worse things that happen. I got a two. Drink totals 3 plus 2. Oh, 4 plus 2 is 6. 4 plus 2 is 6. You get CRT vision. Everything, flicking scan lines. Gain plus 1 presence and negative 1 strength.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Five? You're tilted. You sway constantly. During combat, you may use one movement to move at least one space in a... You must use one movement to move at least one space in a random direction at the start of each of your turns.

Whoa. Whoa. Seven. Oh, what do I? Is it D6? You're taking seven and you're adding 1D8. One D8.

You're looking a little swayy there. Not fine. No, Andy, I'm fine. I'm fine. 12. I'm going to ask you to roll again because we already got a tiny pixel gremlin that follows you around in the last session.

Plus seven, you said. This is now a 13. 13. Your head grows massively big. You go into big head mode from GoldenEye. You gain maximum of HP and HP equal to your toughness score and your agility is now equal to six. What happens?

Oh, not again. Oh, your agility drops to basically minus a bunch. It's funny that I created this in order for us to have less repetition and we've re-roll. Yeah, you've re-roll again. One more re-roll. Or just assign one. Just give me, yeah.

I'll give you the next one out. Yeah, give me 14. Yeah, just a side one. That's totally legit. We need like a D-100. You transform. I think we're getting there. You suddenly pop into a two-dimensional sprite of yourself.

You are no longer a three-dimensional being. You are like the side-scroller Teenage Mutinyin Ninja Turtles, Turtles through Tide style version of yourself. When you are hit, you start blinking. You essentially go into that in vulnerability damage mode when you. You get knocked back by something in the arcade games. You get eye frames. You get eye frames. You cannot be hit, take damage, or deal damage

until the end of your next turn when blinking like this. Oh, you like- Does I look at a different? Oh, my God. Oh, Eddie. I think these beers are hitting me a little hard. Guys, am I see, did Galileo just enter the second dimension? Well, I mean.

No, I can see him. Can you not see him from that side? No, I can see him. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Andy, walk over this one. Oh, he's really like weird.

It's like I use the walk tour on Photoshop. Wait, guys, move to the side, okay? Oh, my God. It's more like the perspective to it. Holy smuts, right on. If I walk over here, he disappears. Yes. There's a vanishing point.

There's a vanishing point where Galileo completely doesn't exist. Whoa. Oh. Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait, from right here, he literally doesn't exist on our plan on our fucking plane of existence. No way, man. Oh, shit. I'm going to try to walk him.

Oh, shit. I'm going to try to walk. through it. No, don't walk through me. And I try to walk directly. Like, when I can't see him, I try to walk through. You hit a hit box. It's like he's right in front of you. You hit him.

Ah, oh! Right between the eyes. It's not like you get resonant, he's just by a laser beam or anything like that. Don't try to walk through. You still hit a solid, what seems to be a three-dimensional. No, don't try to walk through him. Don't try to walk through him. Bad idea.

Oh, my God. That was messed up with me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're basically. fucking invisible. This is a superpower. Dude, there's gotta be some benefits to this.

Knuckles is right. You could probably kick ass like this, man. Why not? Don't know. As you were discussing the possibilities of this strange superpower. Gary, you drink your first two beers, and I believe that gets you to level nine. And I roll me 20.

You roll a D-10 and you add nine. D-10. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Nine? I got it at 12. Man,

that poor rancor. God, it's just like, at least it was humane. I mean, I think yes, that was best for everybody. Godly, that was dark. Unbelievably, your speech becomes slowed. That was. You predicted it. Really.

Not. What I was expecting. I'm going to talk like the dragon from Dragon Ball Z. On account of it being hard to dumb non-humanoid maps. And certainly we can't afford to have proper. lit flats for such a reptilian snap of all

face you continue to drink and speak in this slow manner. I presume that you drink an additional two beers. Oh, good. Time for more days. Yes. Yes. Yeah, it's nine. Yeah, 11. No, I ten, then nine.

Oh, then 11. Roll a 1d12 and add 11. 12. Oh, boy. You know, I'm really starting to worry about, well, never buy. Two more. Oh, boy. 12 plus what?

11. 12 plus 21. 21. No, 23, right? 12? Yeah, 23. Did you roll 12? Yes, you roll 12.

Yeah. 23. 23. 23? A 23, dude. 23. Oh. You believe you can create a save point and reload your progress at any time.

Oh, my gosh. I could die at any minute. That would be just fine. Now's a good time to smell test. Now is a really good time. I've always wanted to perhaps dive into the ball pit and be undentened and suffocating the death. You hear voices behind you. Other patron.

Hey, this guy's just stolen a bunch of beers out of the, out of the, uh, uh, uh, out of the bar area and he's drinking all of them. He's surrounded by empty cans. Look at this guy. I think they've seen me. I can't be sure. Two more.

Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more.

We all say non-dijectic. Yeah, yeah. What a bunch of fucking, with d' d'arps. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. You reach 13, and as you turn, you see a bunch of people racing after you. Staff members of security, they're all being called in.

There are people pointing and screaming. There's a dead nightmare Tomogachi on the floor that they're trying to cover up with a small carpet. Protect the children. As a dishhell. As you take in this image, Your speech slows down more and more and more until they seem to be slowing down.

And pretty soon, they don't seem to be moving at all. You are suddenly cleared of all status effects. You become Gary again. You suddenly revitalize, recharge, become the best most capital W whole version of yourself. And time freezes. And that's where we'll take a quick break. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon.

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Thank you. Gary. Here we go. You are energized. All of a sudden, you feel this transformational energy surge through you as you reach the legendary 13 beers at the local cheese, and you realize, looking around that the particles in the air seem frozen.

Someone is pouring a beer from the tap, one of the waiters, and the beer stream is coming. completely hovering in the air. You can see small crisp dots of liquid flying in all directions, completely frozen still. But you, you are able to move and talk and act as you will. You seem to have frozen time itself. Oh my God, I have the awareness as I listen to what

sounds like a shitty fan song for five nights at Freddy's. undertail or something. That's someone making post on YouTube. I need you to roll a D4. I finally understand. I finally understand, guys. I got a four. You got a four.

You have an innate sense that you have five actions or things that you can do in this frozen time and space. Oh my gosh. There's so much power. I need to save the world from what's coming that I have with this grim clarity. What do I do?

Will the world will time ever slow down? I sure hope so. We don't have much time to avoid the end of civilization. I realize that what I need to do is to steal more beer for all my friends to get fucked up. to also drink 13 beers so they can share this grim clarity and this horrible truth about the incoming end of all things

that I have just experienced. You have this lucid thought and this extreme clarity in this moment. You know that there's a tremendous amount of beer still in that fridge that you left behind. You grab a way to carry the beer and you are able to stock it

with your first action. Stop. Into the Jinko G's, into the Jinko Jee's, into the Jinko Jee's, into the Jinko Jee's, into the Jinko Jee's, into the Jinko Jins. I do that. Then, I go look. So do we establish that you can carry what, like 12 beers in the Jinko jeans? I would say that if you wanted to find a vessel, you could perhaps carry more. But in your Jinko jeans taps out at 12.

Dang. Dang. And you still have... Six left. I need to find another... I don't know how many drinks my friends have had. That's a good question. I'm going to go find a container for my next action.

Okay. I'll include the container finding in your first one. There would be those empty, like, milk crates in the bottom. There's dollies, right? There's small methods of carrying things all there behind the bar, easy enough to find. Okay. Okay, gosh.

The old milk cartons. And you have your second action to do with what you please. I load it up with more beers. Okay, you stack the beers on top. You've got now what appears to be 24 beers all on a dolly, ready to roll. Okay, 24 beers. Okay, I got two actions left before I tell my friends about the coming end of civilization. Oh my goodness.

I wish I did have this grim dollars, but they were sheer my burden. Well, I guess I could get an arcade mode game of Street Fighter 2 in. I play a full arcade campaign of Street Fighter 2. Is that? How many actions does that take? It's not frozen. You would need to take your full movement just to get to the arcade floor to find Street Fighter 2. Oh, it's got to be multiple actions.

I got one action to get to the arcade floor. You're the God. I don't know. You used your first action to stack a dolly full of beer. You used your second action to get to the arcade floor and find Streetford Street Fighter 2. I'm not actually going to Street Fighter 2, I'll go to the Arcade Floor. Okay, you go to the arcade floor.

That's where Street Fighter 2 is. I look at the prize counter. Okay. And I see that creepy, that creepy like Dutch guy who wants to play chess or whatever. His name is Leonard. His name is Leonard. Guys, his mom is sick.

He's bald. He's wearing a turtleneck. I feel like, it's almost this bright dome of light in the center of this dark ary. floor. And you can see all of the best prizes at the top of 9,900-d-9 tickets, all varieties. I steal all the best shit that I feel I can do the most of the image. You use your third action to enter the prize counter. And as you jump and slide and roll past the boundary of the actual counter, you are reaching up, starting to crawl up this mountain of prizes when you hear a voice behind you. I can't allow you to be back here, Gary.

What? Lenny turns towards you, and in this prize counter space, even though all around you, there are people slipping on things and popcorn in all direction, all these frozen pieces that you were able to navigate through in 3D's faith. Lenny seems to be immune to your godlike influence on the world. How do you know my name? He's an elder's beautiful. How do you know the nature of my quest?

You are not the first to be here, nor will you be the last. Lenny, you do know what's coming in a few years, don't you? Yes, I do. But rules are rules, and I cannot allow you to take from the prize count. Well, then, if I may not steal the weapons I need to fight, perhaps, all the cannibal gangs of the coming apocalypse, do you have any deafly wisdom for me about how to stop the end of days? Use your final actions wisely, and perhaps you'll be able to avert disaster. Oh, man.

I don't know how I've never used my actions wisely about the day of my life. Yes, I have very concerned for you. This is incredible. Oh, man. Well, it was a nice try, Lenny. I'll see around. Okay.

You scoot back. You realize that you've used three of your five actions. What do you do with your remaining two? He lays is that Lenny is just 13 viewers, Tom Bob, but that is... Oh, my God! This is so true! That is so fucking...

I look around. I look around, I'm like, well, I guess I could get a full game of the Jurassic Park game with the Jeep that actually moves. You use your fourth action. You wheel up the dolly and stop. Oh gosh, these charges are fast. You put in a token and you're shocked.

You have to literally slide over to frozen people who fall. Flocked out of my phone. But you play a full campaign of Jurassic Park And when you find that you have beaten the final boss, because it's the most flawless game that you've ever played, you are in the flow, you know exactly what to do, you hit the right buttons in the right order,

as you are watching the credit screen of all things, on one single token, you feel a hint of sadness that your friends aren't here to share this glorious moment. Man, I guess I hope I still have all them ding-dog beers. The dolly is right next to you. You rolled it up. There's still 24 beers.

As time is returning to me, I'm going to try to wheel it all back to my friends. Okay. You scoot along, darting through customers. You even pass there standing next to Reginald, what is clearly an interview ongoing, where February O'Hulahan is doing some sort of investigation on the... No, no, no, no. He goes back.

He goes back to him. No, no. No, no. It's either this action to take your beer or your friend. That's it, yeah. You have to make a choice. I'm gonna go up behind Reginald and pants him on live TV. Good choice. Good choice.

I would say. I love that Mason, Richard was like, no. No. You are flying by with the dolly. You're able to grab his buckle and you pull it like Indiana Jones whip as his, and you can see just a moment of failure as the pants release themselves and know in your heart. As you arrive, the three of your friends, where you are all completely frozen, examining the a 2D sprite version of Galileo as your action fades. Suddenly, as time comes back to you,

you feel your heart stop and you start to pass away. The three of you are all standing there when all of a sudden you hear this, bam like this, everything's chaos. Gary is standing there with a dolly full of two dozen beers, but he's looking very ill. Gary, Gary! Gary!

Gary! Gary! Oh my god! What's the matter, what happened? I got you guys, Pierce. What? How? Andy. Where did you come from?

Where is the card? What's... What do you mean? You don't have much time. No, talk to me. The computers. What do you mean? The computers?

In order to save on memory, they've only been programmed to understand two digit dates. What? What do you mean? What's that mean? They've only been programmed to understand two-ditch dates. You stay with me, Gary. And so, when it turns, to the year 2000.

No! It's going to go to zero, and all computers in the world is going to think that it's 1900 and not 2,000. Gary, what happened? Are you dying? Blades are going to fall out of the sky. Gary, I don't know.

Our entire our entire finance system is going to collapse to civilization. I think it's going to be called the millennium bug. No. No. No. I've coined it. Guys.

Y2K. No. No. No. Planner K leaves his mouth, and you start to hug Gary. He bursts in your arms. I need you to roll 1D4 tokens and 1D10 tickets as he suddenly explodes into pixels like all the others. I sway and tip and crash as I fall in the beer carton.

You crash into the beer. My D4 was a 4 and my D10 was a 1. That's how many tokens and tickets you get as his body vanishes. Now you'll work on. I'm tall, Gary, at level 11 that you felt that you had a save point. And suddenly, in the same spot that you were in, Gary, you return. Oh! You don't have any items.

Your sobriety is zero. You are back, but it's almost as though all of that was a dream. And what about all the beers? The beers are still right there. Every someone in his room location. Everything is, he was able to deliver this manna from heaven. But, you see me swaying and I'm very traumatized about what happened.

And I'm so drunk that I'm tipsy. That was my prop. That's still there, right? You're tip. As I, you see me about to like stumble and lose my footing as I like, I'm about to crash into all the people. I would say make it a dexterity test. And I'm going to dread it.

Oh boy. Agility, agility. 10. 10. It's not bad. You crash into the dolly. It falls over and your heavy right nobody slams into the beer.

You hear all of the, all of you here, as most, if not all of the beers are destroyed in the crash. I, so is Gary back or not? Gary, you went down the restaurant and all of a sudden you see Gary on the other side. I'm glinking and looking at his hands, it seems that he has transported.

Oh, Gary gave us a lie for all those beers. What? I don't even care about the beer. I'm gonna try to save as many beers as I can. I'm on the ground. I'm telling, I'm assuring everyone that I'm fine. And I'm gonna just lay there and I'm gonna try to drink as much as I can.

Roll a D4 for me and Andy, you were able to catch up with Gary. Gary, Gary, is that you? Are you okay? What's up, what do you mean? Let's fucking go. You just died, man. What are you, what?

I didn't die. You, you, you just like, shown up out of nowhere with like a card of like so many beers and then you're, you died, man. You were talking about some sort of like, into the world stuff with computers and digits and dates and dude what the hell man I was so worried no no I was I was like wandering around there was like a I don't know I don't know like a tiger a tiger brand rancor was died or something I don't know what did you do man you appear out of nowhere and

fucking died man Gary seems to have no memory of anything that he did during his god month what I take my hat off almost never do I rolled a four You rolled a four Of the 24 beers that were Crushed underneath you You are able to find four whole beers Guys you gotta come back

Come on I think I think knuckles knocked over like Every fucking beer that you showed up with man I don't bother trying to get up I'm like I don't know if it was like metal or if it was in if it was cans or if it was glass But I'm just like laying here and I'm just gonna like I'm just drinking beer on the floor Okay okay I'm gonna you crack one And so you're in a pool of beer. I cross 5 and 7.

Oh. As I drink my floor beer. If you drink all four floor beers. I do. Okay. Then why don't you go ahead and roll a... I know that Galileo is still pretty wasted, and I died for his sins.

Roll 1d6 and add 5 to get your 5 drink amount? 10. You're addicted to games. You love gaming. You remember the part of the reason why you're here is because you enjoy how much how much you enjoy the rush of pushing your luck. Anytime you make a roll while in the status effect,

you can choose to spend a token to increase the value by two. Oh! I look to Gary before we head back to the rest of the group and say, listen, man. Yeah. I don't know what happened to you, man, but you gotta be more careful, man. Why would I be more careful?

Because I, What are you talking about? We're just having a local cheese. Hey, hey. What? I thought you were gone, man. What? The only one who got is gone is Hiderger from Final Fantasy 7 after I teamed up with Big Bob of the Owl from the Fox of the Half.

It's good to have you back, man. Just promise me you'll be more careful, all right? Yeah, I mean, come on. I'll be more careful, of course. Come on, let's head back. I mean, I got to get all those pages for Winnie and the Pooh. I slap Gary on the back, and I'm like, and I try to lead him back to the disaster that we love. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. I feel I'm in a couple circling. You can see a very annoyed teenager waiting for a hundred acre woods waiting for Knuckles to get up so that he can start mopping

and that's when you cross this next threshold Knuckles. Why don't you have a one you hate for me? I'll hope you can forget. Uh-oh. Plus the might drink total? Plus seven, yep. 15.

Oh. Awesome new one. In addition to loving games, you love beating them fast. take on the anima of a speed runner. You have doubled the movement. You can take one extra action per turn, but you take 1d4 damage any time that you do from the exhaustion.

Oh. Oh my god, 1d4 damage to move twice as fast. And take an extra action. Yeah. Oh my god. Wait, so my speed is always doubled. Your speed is always doubled, but to take the additional action,

you can risk the damage. Guys, we eventually have returned to it. You come to this scene. Guys, we left you alone for like two minutes. You guys are not. You guys are not to be a fool. What's going to be a little man? I can't do my...

Guys, we're going to get kicked out. Like, what are you doing? It's barely 10 p.m. and like, yeah, I'm so cold sober. What the heck's going on? There's broken glass down there, fellas. What? How do we all these beers get here? What are they not, man?

They're going to blame this on. us. Why? I'm gonna get blamed for it. I'm gonna get blamed for it. Was I wasted or did Gary die, man? And he's back? I don't fucking die.

I mean, you were having the medical event and then you literally suck and down. He doesn't have any memory of it, but dude, we watched you die. No, no, no, no, no, no. You died for all these beers, Gary. We got to, we got to crush some, man. You shut up out of nowhere. The beers appeared and then you died, man. I held you in my arms as you died.

That's, there's no way that could be. Your heart's st died. No, you were talking about planes falling out of the sky and computers like blowing up of something. And something about millions or something. No, no. You're exploring tokens and tickets and stuff. All of those computers small computers guys thought about that. Don't mention the tokens or tickets.

Let's leave that. Wait, do you still have his fucking force tokens? My pockets are a little heavier. Don't mention the tokens. Yo, hey, be cool. Anyway, we're really worried about you, Gary, and we're just glad you're back. Well, I mean, I don't feel like I was ever gone. I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know what to tell you, man. I just... Oh, whoa, whoa. You okay? Do you knock over all these beers, man? I think, well, I mean, it's... Watch the glass. I mean, it's...

There's broken glass here. Some drunk pervert came by and knocked all the beer over. Man, there's so many drunk ding-dog purples out here. I'm terrified that Reginald is gonna see what we've done. I look to see if I can find Reginald. A staff member is already sort of like... Fuck. Scooting some of the glass into one of those

long-handled trash cans that rotate on an axis. And you can tell that they're getting ready to get the moth bucket out. It's easy enough for you to walk the 20, 30 steps it would take for you to get to the arcade floor where you can sort of survey the entire area. And when you do, you can see people pointing, laughing. Having a gas is Reginald is pulling his pants up.

Clearly, terribly embarrassed. for some snafu. Oh, no way. Guys, Reggie's pants are down. On live TV. You're gonna make his on live TV. His pants are gonna fall down. What?

What an actual nerd! Guys, come check this out. Come point live with Reggie. Yo, you're not gonna want to miss this. Galilee or Knuckles, come on. Oh, man, no, no. I can't believe that. Reggie, you jackass.

What a jackass. What a jackass. What a lot of the world's gonna end in there. Two thousand. What? No, that's impossible. No, that's what you said to. Your pants are down.

Reggie, your pants are down. Reggie, your pants are down. Reggie, your pants are down. As this scene unfolds. And Reginald is trying to maintain his composition, but he is flustered. Next to him stands February O'Hulahan. And as you begin to chant, her eyes track up the crowd

and sees all of you and then spies the sprite-like body. I turned dead on to her. Galilee. I disappeared. Oh. Very clever. She looks up and doesn't react, but she does turn to her crew,

and she sort of, like, gives them the wave, the hints to be like, this interview is over. Let's continue moving on. The lights turn on. Hey, news lady over here. They pick up a few clothes of cable, and they, a few bags of items, and they continue to make their way

through the arcade floor, seeking out where, whatever this story takes them. Hey, news lady. They've already moved on by the time you... Let's go, let's go after, Mandy. No, come on you. This is our chance to clown. Reggie, forever. We can hang this overset forever.

You're an absolute loser. Dude, what a loser. You pass her down on live TV, man. Live TV. Now you live this one down. You'll never live this down. Everybody just enjoyed the games. Just forget my way you saw.

Oh, that's it. People don't forget, Reggie. That's Harris, man. That's Harris, man. I'm never going to forget this. This is just as unforgettable as what I teamed up with the war. Warrior of Latt from Final Fantasy One

to defeat Percival Seemic Leach of Rescuers Down Under. I love that film. Joanna was my favorite. This bit ever gets old. I'll never forget this, Rich. No matter what you do. Just enjoy your evening.

And he almost tries to jog away as he's trying to look for his belt, but he doesn't have it. He has to hold his pants up as he races to one of the doors, staff only, and disappears into the back areas of the local cheese. Don't you understand?

There's no time. What? Fast. Guys, we gotta go beat it. What? What? That's Y2K. There's no time.

And I've raced under the arcades. And I've raced under the arcades. Gotta go fast. Sonic style, you all watch as Nichols vanishes. I rush to the Samba de Amigo station. I think they have in the cabinet there. And I pick up both Maracas. And I immediately start.

You presumably have some tokens of your own. Galileo still has the... I grabbed the big handful. Okay, you grabbed the handful. I would have given him. Yeah, I would have given him. If you distributed them relatively equally, they... Well, I would have given knuckles, son.

Okay, you gave me... Yeah, he did not distribute to us. No tokens, no tokens. I have... I've got five tokens and five tickets from Gary's Corp, but we're not talking about that. Let's get a token... How many tokens would you have given...

Five tokens. Five tokens. I have two tokens. Two tokens. Two tokens. 21 tokens. Two tokens. 21?

Holy shit. Two tokens. You would have... I've 30. Oh, 31. I have 31. 31 token. Okay.

You're able to plop in the token for this... The one token for this arcade cabinet, and you immediately start using the controllers to get perfect score after perfect score. Moments later, your friends are hustling up behind you, catching up with your incredibly fast pace. Man, guys. Shut. Is it just me or is Michael's a little bit stinkier than usual now? You know, I didn't want to say anything, but there was a little,

I got a whiff of something. Yeah, I was with a something. It was like your smelly old ex-girlfriend, Andy. That 11, God, she's, she's like a stagged. He's got a bit of a phone. It's crazy. She almost killed the exterior test for me. Do we call it a GERD?

I'm twisting. I'm twisting. I'm twisting. We're not a six to us. 11. 11. You don't do nearly close a pot. You're moving too quickly.

I take one before damage. You're only able to get one ticket out of your first game of summer. And I run over to the big game Buck Hunter. You might be doing a little bit better. Why do you make it an agility time for me? I think it's poorly calibrated and shoots the bottom left of where it should.

16, that's 20. 16, that's 20. You are able to get headshot after headshot after headshot. Unlike a rhythm-based game where you want to be moving faster, this one, it's as soon as the antlers peek out from behind the tree, you're there, and bang, bang, bang, bang, it's perfect score after perfect score after perfect score. Oh, this is your game. you're able to produce 10 tickets by the time you...

10 tickets! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ching, ching, ching, ching. And then I run to the... I don't know if they still have these. Remember the arcade game where they had like the arm wrestle? Yes.

Silver hair? Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You race over and you start to... You just... You just won't get it. There's a short cut scene. The game starts almost right away,

but it's too slow for you. Come on, come on. And you grab onto, make a strength test for me. As soon as it unlocks. 13? 13, that's good enough. You are able to, I'm gonna just keep rolling for these. You're able to get six tickets out as you slam the silver hand down onto the.

And I'm literally going from cabinet to cabinet. The next one will be Gauntlet Dark Legacy. Oh, Harry. As I know, I play the sorceress. Oh yeah, dig on dig on the sorceress. Red fighter requires food. And I'm gonna go for you. I'm going to go from as many as I can afford with 21 tokens.

I'm trying to basically speed run the entire arcade, or at least until I'm running. Reddorf. Of money. Let's resolve that in a second. Yeah. I'm going to think about how we can compress time, but in the meanwhile, you are all barely able to keep up with Knuckles.

Who goes, zoom, plays a game, zoom, plays a game, plays a game. What are you all doing, catching up, or do you leave him and let him Sonic his way through the arcade floor? I'm letting him Sonic his way through the arcade floor. It's only probably a little little, laughter 10 and I know

that I'm already getting thirsty. The funny thing about one beer is how quickly you want another. That's true. You look around I make a presents Chuck. I have plus one to presents from my curse. Oh nice.

I would like to use a twist if I could. Go to five. Okay. Much better. Twelve. It's just enough. You glance around and it takes a bit of time. I'm trying to sneak a beer.

But... I don't want to spend my tokens. They're back. Oh, okay. So you're not looking for a kiosk or anything? No. Shit. I guess I kind of say... I'll look for a kiosk. Yeah. There are kiosks. Yeah, I find a kiosk. But there are also people who set their drinks down

those plastic cups. No, I found a kiosk. On the arcade cabinet. I'm willing to give you the option. I'm willing to give you the option. God, I just want to save my tokens. Guys, I didn't. I'm not ever. I try to steal a beer. Okay.

Just Marvel. You're fine, man. All right. You can go very, very obviously there's a kiosk where you can find a token. And your other choice is that somebody is in the middle of playing one of the standing racing games. And actually, you know what? This sucks.

No, no, no. It's worse. It's the, it's worse. It's the, like, weird helicopters in the, like, almost boring. Oh, that game fucking sucks. But with the giant machine gun. Yeah. It looks like it's going to be awesome.

Gene Gunn has almost no maneuvered. No moving. No. Nothing fucking bad. And every year. If there's somebody doing that, they've set a brand new full beer. Like without paying anything, I just,

hands in pockets, I whistle as I walk by and swipe the beer and just keep moving. You're going to have to make dexterity an agility test to see if you're able to pull it off without being noticed. Do you remember how many tickets I got from the arm wrestle game?

Six. I didn't write it down. I'm stealing another twist, because we're whining down here. Four twists left. Do it, dude. You got this. 13. Nice.

Beers with a loaf of cheese. That's enough. You're able to grab the drink and turn the corner. By the time you are taking a sip, you feel you're well out of it. And I'm going to nurse this one. This is a victory drink. My best friend died in front of me. And I'm broken up.

And it was confusing. He seems confused about what exactly happened. You have no idea where the fears came on. And I got the shame. What the fuck, man? It's not detox. It's shakes because I almost lost my root. The hell, man.

Galileo, what are you doing in your Sprite forum knowing that you've managed to evade the sight of your ex and knowing that Knuckles and Andy are sort of on their own journey at this time? I think Andy's got the right idea, man. I mean, I'm feeling pretty thirsty. And Knuckles is looking pretty happy. He's running all that stuff. He'll be fun. I'm gonna look for a drink, man.

Make a presents test. Oh Natural 20 Whoa Oh my gosh They just hands me from being so dig don't cool Natural There you go sir

You And here's another For your troubles Looking for beer There's none to be found There's none to be found You don't see any beers In your immediate vicinity

You know that they're a kios And you've got you've got a ton of coin jingling in your pocket You don't seem to see Andy You're following your heart though and you know that you're going to be able to find, like, perhaps a forgotten beer or something, and you see it sitting on the prize counter.

A single drop of condensation hits the countertop and rolls down. Don't do that. As your eyes follow. As your eyes follow this. You're not too sober for that shit. As your eyes follow. I can't. Mace is killing me.

What the hell, what the hell? I'm not there. I'm not going to say anything. Oh, I'm sweating like that. As your eyes follow the trail of the condensation, and your eyes go up to the beer, and then your eyes go up farther to the prize counter, and you see at the very top those most prize 9,999 ticket items,

and suddenly you have a flash. You realize that a perfect, this is something that you once owned, something that you lost a long time ago, and it's a great tragedy that we haven't unpacked yet. However, you see at the top of this prize mountain a shuriken, it's a perfect weapon, one that you're very familiar with. It's been so long since you've been able to practice this one. And on the side of the box, it says lightning shuriken. And this beautiful blue, it's still in the case.

It's got that exploding diagonal starburst sign that says 9,919. 99 tickets on the side. You realize that with this, perhaps you might have enough confidence to face February. Oh, I can face her again, man. If only I had my shiriken back. Sometimes a cigar is a cigar. I go straight up to the counter and I talk to Lent. Hello, have you got tickets in exchange for crap surprises? Oh, man, but that's mine. What do you mean that's your? That's my shiriken up on the, you guys are selling my property. Well, we get our prizes from a variety of places. Well, they're untrustworthy, man.

Because that's mine. It appears to be packaged, however. How can it be yours if it's still in this case? Oh, look, man, I thought you might ask about this. I have a series of, I have a series of Polaroids, okay? Here's a series of polaroids of me hanging out with that exact shiriken in just different locations, man. Sometimes on vacation, sometimes at home, on most. Most of all of my pizza deliveries.

Let me see the polarites. Oh, just one second, more. It's harder to do this in 2D. Exactly. He looks at, presumably these are Polaroids where, bizarrely, you've decided to set up a Polaroid camera and pose like you're in a fucking calendar like spread with your fucking Shirikin

on a bear on a fireplace spot. Yeah, my legs kicked up. Yeah, exactly right. It's very strange that you would have these. It does appear to be the same type of shuriken. I do not think that this is the same shiriken as this one is clearly outside of its packaging. The one that we have is still in the bots. Oh, man.

Check the seal. Check the seal. And if it's sealed, that's wrong. You got to cut it open. And then it says on it, okay, Galileo's wicked awesome shiriken. Just open it. It's 10 p.m. On a Friday or a Saturday night.

We better stop wasting Tom then, bro. Exactly right. There are only a few hours left. I cannot give you this shuriken for free. It is not your shiriken. And even if it was, then the rules of this price counter bind me to hold you to the price of the ticket. I know what you want, man.

You drive a hard bargain. But I got one really cool thing left. Okay. It's not a ticket. 9,999. tickets because that's the exchange price. It is the AC Comics pog featuring Venom of the misprint

where they intended to write DC Comics but instead it was misprinted. This is the most valuable pog that anyone has ever seen. Okay? This trades for like 99,999 tickets, okay? Yeah, Leum. That is an extreme.

tempting offer. Oh, I know. However, surely there is someone here in the arcade floor who has the 10,000 tickets you need to procure the Shuriken, who would be glad to part with them for the fog. Oh, man, Knuckles just won 10,000

tickets by now, probably. I can only accept tickets. Go find your friends and enjoy your evening. There are only a few more hours before closed. Man, and I grabbed the beer that was sweating on the counter and just turn and walk away as I go find Knuckles. That's fucking great.

Oh, my gosh. I think I got whiff. presence test. Oh, 18. Huge. Lenny, you suspect that Lenny notices. But he doesn't grab your hand or stop you as you walk away

with an other hand. Thanks, Lenny the ball. Because Lenny's a fucking bro. Oh, it's a fine knuckles. Knuckles. I'm on final furlong. It's those, like, the plastic boxes

that do this and you grab like the plastic rings. I'm like, that's, that's... I'm like, that's... Intentment focused. Let's say that this is like your 19th game. You've been going machine to machine.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What I'm going to do is I'm going to set the difficulty rating low. And we're going to have you do two. We're going to have you do four D20 tests. One for each of your abilities. And the amount that you've seen are the amount of times that you succeed. That is cool. Strength.

Oh, hell yeah. Huge. Agility. You should have a lot of strength. I'm twisting this. You have three left. I'm using one more. Two left.

16. Hell yeah. Presence is gonna be tough. 17. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, minus two. 15. That's still very good.

Toughness. You should be good to that too. 16. Oh, no, 17. Oh, wow. Oh, my boy, is wicked tough. You also have a stat. You're also up mana as a stat.

You probably still have any. Oh, I do have mana as a stat. Should I roll with mana? Or I figured that wasn't that. We added, we added mana. Everybody has mana. I mean, it's a set. Well, he said four, though.

I'm not justifying. I don't think that you... That's fine. You play the arcade. I just wanted to call it out. Physical attributes, not the match. Totally. Thank you for me.

Just wanted to make sure I called out. No, no, no, no, that was very helpful. By the time you're done, win or lose, you get a ticket here, a massive bank over here. You walk away. I'm playing crazy. I'm playing. How can I go.

Bhawipa go. I turn the scoff. The scoff? Let's do it like this. I fucking love that, man. Why do they keep saying to turn it up? Pick it up. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.

Yeah, after this, we should go back and pop in Power Rangers, the movie, starred Ivan Ouse into the VHS. Hell yeah, man. And pop in TLC's Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls on account of me the song of the summer. Well, I mean, I'm more of a soundguard. and like smashing pumpkin's guy, but fine, done.

Whatever you want, man. I'm glad, I'm glad to have you back, okay? It depends on the cabinet, whether you can get 1D4 tickets, 1D6 here, 1D10 here, back to 1D4, but you're hitting everything because you have to play them all. By the time you're done, though, you've garnered 192 tickets.

Oh my God. Okay, I'll tally that up. Do I feel like my obsession is going to fade at some point before I run out of tokens? Yeah, we've had it last for shorter and longer durations. All of you have been sustaining these for some time. You mentioned 19 was like the last game, but 19 games, and I have 21. So I would have two tokens left.

I think now feels correct. I think that with your last two tokens, you can finish your token. About an hour, give or take, right, depending on what it is. I leap out of crazy taxes and run in the next cabinet. Terminator Salvation. this movie's not even out yet and it's going to be like the only arcade game at every tiny pathetic arcade

for the next 20 years oh yeah that was a really dark time for arcades and it's like one of the worst films ever made you stare at the T-1000 holding a mini gun of all things on the side of the art of the cabinet I look at the assault rifle that's like turned sideways and placed in the case I mean, the technology is nice.

You don't have to swivel on the stand, but God, even Christian Bale couldn't save that film. I mean, he won't in the future. I'm over it, and I just, like, shrug, and I just turn away, and I walk back to find my friends. You do, and it saddens you that a, you know, 20-21-year-old Christian Bale will grow up to be in Terminator's Terminator Salvation.

And it's that feeling of sadness, knowing how great and illustrious his career will be, despite that one mark, that you feel the speed running and love of games fade from you. And you find Gary and Andy, Gary, what have you been doing this whole time? Me? Mm-hmm. I don't know, I'm real sober.

Yeah, you're totally sober. I'm really not having a good time. I'm going to be looking around like I'll be like looking around for like maybe some Street Fighter Street Fighter 2 Maybe if there's any goth chicks around Yeah, I knew it, I knew it

You know where the Street Fighter 2 Arcade Cabinet is It's all it requires a low presence test To see where you are and see if you can navigate to that space I'll be using a twist We got one last I'll have to have a very last twist I'm kind of a...

No, no, no. We now have one left. Oh, okay, yeah. Unless you roll badly and use another. No, that's good. That's good. Presence, you say? I think it's pretty, pretty ding-don good of all things.

I think presents? I got, I got a, I think, what was it? 17. I got a 19. 19. Easy. You are able to find the street fighter to cabinet, but I'm going to use all of my dreads

and you find that the cabinet has been turned off with an out-of-order side. hanging from the phone. No. There are no goths checks. No. It's abandoned. No!

Seemingly destined for repair, perhaps in the morning. No! I guess there's nothing left to do, but to go and think about all the vacations I'm gonna take in the year 2000. And make some great investments that'll be very risky now,

but will certainly pay off in the year 2000, 2001, and 2002. Gary, your wizard cloak's all messed up, man. Let me have hands back here. It's all, like, bunched up. It's like you've been doing crazy physical activities, man. Oh, man. What's the bad?

You can't find the goth chicks? I'm sorry about that, man. No, it's okay. I just, you know, I feel for you, but I'm, you know. I think it's time to go back home and watch reruns of who wants to be a millionaire. Now? I mean, it's like 1030, dude. We can still have a couple hours.

We can still slay and bruskees. It's very popular. Hey, yeah. What's up, guys? What's up, guys? Yeah, I'm fine. You took off. I couldn't keep up. Yeah, I mean, all of a sudden, I just had this drive to play every video game ever made in this arcade before the end of the world in the year 2000.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many tickets did you win? I won 214. Whoa! Whoa! No, no, $1,99. Oh, that's an astronomical number. That's an astronomical number.

Dude, we never seen that many tickets in our lives. Why am I so? Why am I so sober now? I don't understand how it got super so quick. Yeah. Galileo, when you arrive, you still have half your beer to drink. You're enjoying it more luxuriously. You feel like you know what your goal is here tonight,

but you have faded your status effect. You are now back to your three-dimensional self by the time you return to your friends. Ah, whoa! Oh, do well, guys, I feel like on me again, I feel like we've all learned valuable lessons tonight. Okay, here.

What do you think? Come on. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I didn't mean to put you on a spot. It's something to get something to say. I think we've learned that we should just go back and play the Kingdom Heart franchise. And we should all watch who wants to be a billionaire.

Okay. Look, man, whatever you want. I don't care if it's ice cream. Carers fast food. Whatever you want, man. Tonight it's yours. All right? Yeah, I think we should listen to the no doubt album, tragic kingdom. Fine. We'll listen to it four times and that's what it takes. Whatever you want, man. Hey, guys. I'm just glad you're here. What's up, man? Have you guys seen that new arcade cabinet over there? I love what new arcade cabman? And you'll see the T-1000 and then there, whichever 1,000 it is, and you see the assault rifle, like the plastic assault rifle and then sort of it's like... Yeah, what about it? Whoa, man. Something about it gives me a real bad feeling about the year 2009. What? Dude, that's like, that's so far away in our future, bro. That's in the future in spite, man.

We're going to have flying cars about 2009. The four of us, we're going to be millionaires. And robots. We're going to have companies. I know. We're going to have flying cars and robot dogs. And robot bullers. Don't even worry about that, man.

Yeah, the middle class has never been stronger, Richie. We're going to have world peace. It's going to be awesome. The middle class is never been stronger. What's so scary about? the year 2000 to die. But what if someone from the year 2009 comes back at time and warns us that

at the very end of 2008, the middle class dies? But why? That's impossible. Did that happen? Nobody can go back in time. It was not real, man. No, touch job's not real, man.

Well, not until 2009, probably, when we have robot bullers that free us up to them. Yeah, what are you talking about? The middle class is as strong as ever. None of you noticed, it'll be around forever. None of you notice your backs are all turned, behind you, from some future God mode, a Gary Puppet suddenly pops into existence, starts to race forward. His heart fails and he disappears into Tocles. And none of us see that?

And some random customer goes, oh, cool, and picks them up and continues walking. None of you see that. That just happens. Oh, man. Well, look, I don't think it's worth what you're getting about something in like 15 years from now, dude. We got our whole lives ahead of us. Yeah, I mean, you're right. That's 15 years of attending to local cheese. I'll look back over my shoulder. Let's go to the prize cabinet. Maybe we can find, you know, some more beers with these tickets. Awesome.

Dude, good fucking job, man. That's amazing. Well, but hang on, man. Is there any way you know where you can take those tickets, hear me out, and turn them into 9,999 tickets? Nobles, I need this, man. 9,999 tickets. Like, is there, like, a betting one?

I mean, don't you have to pay tokens to play the games? I think all we do with tickets is just buy prizes. Yeah, I know. man, I'm the surprise I really want. I'm because I really, really wanted. There's no way to turn tickets into tickets. It's tokens into tickets, man. No, tickets into more tickets, man. That's not a thing. Oh. At least as far as I know, as far as we've ever been coming here.

Dude, come on, pep up, man. What's the, is it, there's no, like, big crazy ticket payout thing? Well, there, we know, we know that exists, but it takes tokens, not tickets. The Tower of Power. Yeah, the Tower of Power. And you were able to get the Matrix of Lights to Mets to Mets to Mets then you are able to win 9,000. I think you got a spike like a D100 twice in a row.

Oh, man. Something crazy like that. Oh, man. If I remember correctly, the odds were actually pretty good. I think I did the math in my head and I was like, wow, I'm just going to keep playing this. You know, it was changed from... I said that... I think you...

Tower of power two because you won because Derek doesn't... The two is... The two is duct tape on and like... Holy shit. You just have to play ten times. I really didn't. I mean, it was crazy impressive. I loved it.

It's awesome. It's three D20s. You roll a D20 to set the DC, then you roll a D20, and then you roll it. It used to go like this fast. And now it's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, crazy. Yeah. You guys. You guys got like rocket launchers and shit, and you like totally destroyed the animatronic band.

To be fair, the animatronic band almost killed us. Anyway. Oh, man, the animatronic bandit gave me Catholic poison. That's right. I died. No, you got all. Oh, you've got. I got grenade.

I think I died too, maybe. They exposed your fear of Catholic poison, and then you were killed by some other means, and then you were hitting the crotch by a rocket. I don't know what's next, but all I know is that I'm getting to the end of my fifth beer, and I'm going to need another. It's a crazy thing about beers.

There's always one more. There's always one more. There's always room for one more beer at the local cheese, Andy. Exactly right, and I don't want to push us. But, no. I can use another beer? I am about you guys. You know, Andy?

Yeah. 15 years? 15 years, man. So, 2009. So far. You know what? I think, you think 2009's going to be tough on account of a premonition? I think I'm going to devote myself to building the greatest game, no demand kind.

And I think I'm going to set my internal release into 2009. We're going to make it. I have a dream. Okay. I have a vision. A video game? A game, a video game of sorts. Okay.

A social experience. It takes place in the South Pole. Imagine this. A private club comprised entirely of penguins. The name, my good man, I think I may call it Club Penguin. 2009 is going to be a pretty great year, fellas. Okay. Wait, a private members-only social club with penguins?

So we're the penguins? Are we the penguins, or are we, do we like help the penguins? Oh, everybody's the penguin. Everyone's a penguin. Everyone's a penguin. Gary, that is the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard. What? That's going to take off.

No, that's ridiculous. Not a fucking chance, man. Don't doubt me. I have 15 years. Don't never doubt. Gary G. Big muddle, Big Dead is good, Barry. I feel like you don't have 15 years.

You might have, like, I don't know. If you had 15 years, it'd be like the real early 90s. Especially with what's been going on today, man. You know, make him to be a nod at home time. Yeah, I mean, you probably have like eight years tops. Guys, guys, come on, don't say that. Come on. Maybe like six.

Hey, hey, go easy on him. Come on. Guys. I mean, you get all the way off Gary's back. I don't know you spend my tickets, all right? You can go with you. Come on. Yeah, come on.

I can use our beer. Come on. Let's see what we got. Yeah, let's go. We never see as many tokens or tickets in our lives. It'll be cool to see what you get. Letty, hey, Lenny! You all turn and you start to make your way back towards the prize counter, and you're

stunned to see that there are lights shining towards Lenny, shining towards the front counter. The space is very changed. A crowd has encircled one whole side of the prize area. as you see in the center, February O'Hulah is interviewing someone. I'm here with the young man who has just won 9,999 tickets and purchased the legendary Lightning Shuriken. She turns and she invites over and you see the streamer, the annoying streamer man that you originally saw

who was trying to game the arcade floor and talking to his fans, his audience as he walks and snuggles up next to February O'Hulah. No! No! And we're going to hear his story tonight on LCN. And that's where we'll end tonight's session. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventures podcast.

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