Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 8 | Skill Issue

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

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Do you have a job, a body, and a strange feeling that you lost something in the ball pit? Then come on back and get it at the local cheese. Everybody clap once in unison. Shockingly good. We've got pizza. We've got games. We've got prizes that look different when you're alone in the car. Everyone admire their plastic spider rings.

Oh. Shucks. And the local cheese just got better than ever. New lights, new carpets, and the new locust. Cal-Calzone zone. Everybody pointed the new shape in the corner that wasn't there moments ago. Oh, we've got ski ball, we've got claw machines,

we've got that one racing game where the steering wheel turns back after you let go. Everybody crawl through the Family Fun Tunnel. Oh God, that's sticky. Oh, this is sticky. It smells it. It smells like a rotting cor. And don't miss our new birthday room.

Now open every day even on days when nobody was born, which the local cheese where the cameras are hidden and every night is all about you. The local cheese, that's the name, that name again is the local cheese. The local cheese is not responsible for tunnel-based shirt exchanges, mascot pity, accidental pageantry, discovering your own name already written on a party reservation from 1984. Do not feed tokens to the vents. Do not challenge the birthday captain. Avoid until the bonus round. No, I'll let me challenge.

We snap into a clean LCN broadcast. February O'Hulahan stands beside a sticky prize counter smiling. I'm February O'Hulaham, live at the local cheese, where one young gamer has gone all the way to the top shelf. I'm here with the young man who has just won 9,99 tickets and purchased the legendary Lightning Shuriken, and we're going to hear his story tonight on LCN. Beside her, an obnoxiously loud kid

pushes up his indoor sunglasses. Yo, yo, yo, it's your boy. No Scope 1. Chat, clip this. I just hard carried an entire lobby of absolute NPCs, farmed 9,999 tickets, and copped the legendary lightning shuriken because I'm literally built different.

Price counter? More like skill issue counter. February nods intensely. Incredible. And when you saw the shuriken behind the glass, Did you know right away that you just had to get your hands on it? Obviously, everyone else was playing baby games. I was out here min-maxing ski balls,

stun locking whack-a-mole, and emotionally destroying a nine-year-old at air hockey. A powerful performance from a powerful competitor. And so tell us, is the legendary lightning shirkin everything you dreamed? More? The balance is cracked. The lightning is S-tier, and the losers watching me win?

Priceless. February turns to the camera. For LCN, I'm February. O'Hulahan reporting from the local cheese. Before we dive into what's happening in the context of this night's adventure, we're going to talk a little bit about the rules and re-roll the characters.

The reason is because it's been a week since that LCN broadcast. And so we're arriving the following Friday with new gear, new friend, and I'm gonna ask you to take it away, Andy, so that we can go through the rules, remind ourselves how to play this game and then start rolling up our equip them all.

Yeah. Okay. We are playing 13 beers to local cheese. This is a Morque Borghawk or Board hack. Basically, Morque Borg is a rules light game that is awesome and has a very light framework. But they have an OGL, just like many other games do. So anyone can take the Borg engine,

and basically make their own game around it. It's where Pirate Board comes from, VastCrim, many, many, many others. If you are looking for us to just be playing Mortboard, that is not what we're doing. We're using it as a guidance. We are making things up on the fly. We've made a lot of changes for the game to fit our needs.

That's the beauty of being able to use something like that for a framework. The way that this basically works is that we will be making tests, just like you kind of do with D&D. They're made, against a DR or a difficulty rating. We'll be rolling a D20 and adding or subtracting an ability modifier and we're looking for a result that is greater than

or equal to the DR. That number is usually 12, but it can change, given a variety of factors that the game master may choose. When it comes to combat, we are going to be doing things like rolling for initiative is your agility plus a D6. It's not a D20 roll for initiative. In combat, you may move, attack, world pretty loose with it,

where you kind of get a free object interaction or something that you can do. If you roll a natural 20 in combat, that is a critical hit. When you're attacking, you're to roll twice as many dice, and you reduce the opposing armor tier by one. You actually break their armor. When it happens on defense, you get to make an immediate counterattack.

That's one of the cool things about this system is that in combat, the GM is actually not rolling for the enemies to attack. We're rolling to attack and then we're rolling to see if we dodge the enemy's attacks. The GM is actually rolling very few dice in combat. If you roll a natural one that's called a fumble. When you're attacking, your weapon might break or it might fly out of your hand. Or something else might happen.

You might trip and fall. When you're on defense and you fumble, you take double damage and your armor tiers reduced by one, your armor's damage. When you do take damage, you take a look at your armor and you roll a die amount that is associated with your armor and reduce the damage taken by that amount. So if you have light armor, you flip a coin, it's a D2. If you have medium armor, it's a D4. If you have heavy armor, that's a D6. The better your armor, you know, the more damage you have the opportunity to reduce. But there are tradeoffs. Heavyer armor applies negative bonuses to certain things when you're trying to

maybe be sneaky or things like that. If your armor tier has ever dropped to zero, you're your armor is destroyed. Movement for the sake of our game, all player movement is six squares, roughly 30 feet. We're gonna be using a square based map here. Players roll for both attacks and defense, like I said. If you're making a melee attack, you're doing a D20 plus your strength

and you're looking for greater than or equal to 12. If you're doing ranged attacks, you're doing a D20 plus presence, greater than or equal to 12. Dodging is a D20 plus agility, greater than or equal to 12. Unless the GM were to say otherwise. For our magic users, we actually have a mana stat.

We added a fifth ability slot for mana. And you'll have a certain number of spells that you can use each day. We're gonna start you guys off with five. So you might wanna mark that down on your sheet somewhere. You have five spells. Ooh, five spells. Each day.

Oh, wow, five. Yes. For resting, a short rest is about 10 minutes. You recover 1D4 HP. A long rest is generally overnight, and you recover 1D8. In general, this game is pretty deadly. We don't have a lot of HP.

I rolled really well on my HP and I have 11. I think our castors are closer to eight or nine hit once. I got nine. Yeah. So that was from way, way back in the day when we created our stuff. If you ever reach zero HP, you become broken. You have a chance to basically steal yourself and jump back up. If you are negative HP,

I think it's all the white boxers. You're dead. Negative HP is dead. So you got to think, it's going to be very hard for you to get exact seas damaged. Most likely you're just going to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In this game, if you drop to zero HP,

if you are broken or you are dead and you come back in some way, you will come back completely sober. We haven't talked about drinking yet, but that is one of the side effects to being not unconscious. We have a game, a mini-game system here in the local cheese. where the whole object is to drink as steal as much drinks as possible. That's right. In the local cheese, there's a two drink limit.

You are only allowed to enjoy two beverages before you are cut off at the local cheese. This is an upstanding establishment. They don't want drunks running around causing chaos. Well, unfortunately, there are five drunks who are here to party. And the goal is to sneak drinks without getting caught. Drinks cost money. There's different ways you can get them. You can steal them from other patrons.

you can steal them. You can sweet talk extra drinks from the bartenders, from the waitresses, from the waiters. You might be able to convince management to give you extra drinks. You might be able to convince the local cheese that you haven't hit your two drink maximum yet. But there are side effects to drinking alcohol.

Once you've consumed at least three drinks, you deal plus one damage to all of your attacks. But you must also roll for a status effect. Various wacky things can happen as you drink. Then for every two drinks beyond that, you'll deal on additional damage and make another status effect roll. So we're looking at 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, and then finally 13 beers. What happens when you drink 13 beers? Well, we only got a taste of that last time.

But the more you drink, the harder you hit? I kind of blacked out, I think. That's right. Uh-oh. Some crazy things can happen once you consume 13 beers. It's important to note, though, that once you are drunk at three drinks or, you're not. more, your dice explode. When you are rolling for damage, if any of your dice roll the max result, you can roll that

die again. There is no limit to how many times this can happen. I like it because it's fun. You get to roll lots of dice, and it's very reminiscent of the 9-99-9-9-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0. You just keep going. That's right. Until you either stop exploding or your enemy is dead. 9-99.

If you take a critical hit, you will remove one drink from your total. It sobers you up a little bit. Oh. Being broken or dead, soberes you completely and removes all drinks from your total. That is the gist of this game. It is very simple.

When making tests, just to kind of test on that again, or touch on that again, if you're doing something that's strength-based, you're gonna make a strength test. If you're doing something that is sneaky or requires dexterous, something or other, you'll use your agility, Presence is kind of your catch-all for being charming, or thinking outside the box,

or doing something ranged. There's really only a few different categories. You might have to make a manna test, you know, for our castors. We also have a toughness, which is kind of like our constitution and how hardy we are. So anytime that we try to do something that might have, you know, disastrous results or something that is,

there are stakes at play, the Game Master will ask us to make a test, hitting a certain DR, using a certain stat, and that's basically it. I think the only other thing that would be cool to do is go around the table, talk about who your character is, maybe give a quick rundown of what your stats are

and what your features slash spells look like so we can all get an idea of kind of what we have the ability to do. Sound good? That's what I was going to suggest. Why don't he start? Absolutely. So I, the player, my name, for those of you that don't know me as Andy, but tonight I am playing Andy.

I have 11 HB, my strength is 13, which is a plus 1. My agility is 14, which is a plus 1. Agility spelled incorrectly here. My presence, toughness, and mana are all 9, which is plus 0. My features are sword master. I have minus 2DR when I'm attacking with a sword. So it's a little bit easier for me to hit things when I'm using a sword. But if I have to pick up another weapon because my sword is broken or I lose it, I don't get that bonus.

I have a sword master. My other feature is follow me. Once per combat, I can roll a D4, and my allies get to add or subtract this total from any one die roll during the combat. So I'm kind of, you know, our go-get-em leader. For equipment, I still have my fanning pack from the original, which is four items, four slots.

I still have a Lisa Frank notebook and a Tamagashi that may or may not work. My weapon is a mall katana, and my armor is Andy's hat, which in this case is heavy armor. I was very lucky to roll heavy armor. That's pretty much what my character looks like. I'm a late 20s, unemployed, underachiever.

I drive in El Camino. Gary is my best friend and roommate. And Tiffany and Knuckles and Galileo are also all of my best friends. And we all meet weekly at the local cheese to pregame in the parking lot, get drunk, and eat pizza. Now it's a good time to think about what your week looked like. And I would say that in that week, at some point you went to the store. your character, Andy, felt a bit of feeling of loss because you, as I recall in the last episode,

traded your tomogachi. Oh, that's right. You purchased a new tomogachi. I did? Yeah, absolutely, because I'm gonna let you keep it, but you now have a fresh one that I think you're actually doing better about is what I will say. Gary, tell us a little bit about what you look like,

who you are, and what your stats are. Yeah, my name is Gary G. Big Buddle, Big Dennis, Good, Mary. No relation. And you may all know me from the very infamous Todd Kedrick interview. We had to cut a lot out. And you'll never know what we had to cut out. That's true. You'll never know.

I think, I don't think I, I'm the pinball wizard. That's right. So I understand pinball etiquette. That's something that's very important. I've got nine hit points. I've got seven strength, which is a minus one to all rolls. That's that. I mean, that's kind of, I feel like that's a little,

a little embarrassing. I got 10 agility plus zero. I got 15 presents plus 2. Oh, yeah. Got 11 toughness plus zero and 15 mana plus 2. By features of the spells, I heal. Healed myself or someone else for D8. Lightning Storm, I can deal D6 to all enemies,

but if I fumble, I deal D6 to all my allies as well. So hopefully that don't fumble. And I can bolt DR6 mana to hit for D4. My equipment is a big old pair of Jiko jeans and the can store eight items in the pockets, including a big old Xbox, original Xbox. I got a pair of sick plastic sunglasses, and I've got sick-ass roller blades that I use the nut punch people with. My weapon is a set of plastic cutlery, and I have a set of heavy armor. I'm imagining, do I have like a chain shirt and a gorgette, like full medieval plate armor?

I don't know. Roddell. No. You were able to flavor your heavier armor however you wanted to. I forget how I flavor. Yeah, I can't remember either. Well, you're wearing something new this Friday, so you can choose whatever outfit you like.

Yeah. Wow. Man, I feel like I'm wearing like a big dog shirt. I love that. A baggy shirt. It's a pirate. It's a pirate, a baggy oversized pirate big dog shirt that says,

work like a captain, party like a pirate. I would have put money that you were going to put. I'll wear the motorcycle shirt, but here we are. Yep, Big Dog with the DAWG, no relation. No relation. No relation, so that's my, I think that's me. I don't think there's anything else, too. You have spells?

Oh, I read them all. I read them off. Thank you. I was writing the session. Please go ahead, Tiffany. Let's think about what you've been up to this week and. I have a quick question because I've played one session of this. Yes.

And I do believe I got some roller skates. Put them on there. I don't, but I don't know if that's true or if I'm making that up. No, no, it doesn't matter. You have a roll this case now. Look at that. See how the game works?

Isn't that awesome? Is that true? Yeah. Okay, because I want them. Oh, and I'll think about if there's any mechanical implications. Well, you'll probably need a D-20 or at least one or two D-20s. All right. You'll need at least one D-6 for your armor, because you'll have to subtract D-S-

An initiative. And initiative. Wait, wait, wait, wait, are we talking about what dice, because I want to know this. Yeah, you'll need at least one D-20. Okay. One D-20. You'll need a die. And whenever all weapons are.

Yeah, you'll need a dye to represent whatever your armor is. So you have to look at what your armor is. Yep. And that'll tell you minus D something damage. Okay. You'll have to look at your spells and abilities to see if there's anything that's referenced a die size there. Oh, wow. So like for example...

So I only need three dice. Yeah, my Katana's a D10. I think I'm good. And then I need a D4 for Follow me. So I only need four dice. Yeah. But then the GM might ask you to roll something else, so you'll keep them on hand. I got dice next.

to make. Okay, I'll just have a full set to be safe. Yeah, it never hurts, never hurts. Don't hurt. Don't hurt, no. Great. I have an idea of what those roller skates do, but remind me in combat.

I just like the idea of her wearing roller skisket. Oh, you're absolutely wearing them and you can be scooting around. So I'm playing Tiffany. Yes. Tiffany is, she's just a Barbie. She is nine HP. She is nine strength plus zero.

13 agility. This agility is spelled with, it's actually a gillity. Yeah, it's a gillity. It's a gillity. Yeah, 13 of it. That's you need to throw to be a plus one. Some drunk must have put this together. I think so.

Her presence is 14, which is a plus one. Or did I give the gambler, maybe. Her toughness is a little too. Leave it a game. Sorry, Andy. Her toughness is a plus 10, or is a 10 plus zero. Man is 15 plus two. She can curse people with her Barbie cursing abilities.

And she can choose an enemy and then subtract a default. from their next role. She also spits acid because that's not very much with Barbie still. I mean, that's, I think that's what Barbie does. They reach their arms up and they open their plastic mouths and they spit acid. It's like those dolls that you were made to actually spit up.

Like there's like a, oh yeah. It's like when you leave a vinyl toy in the bathtub and it like absorbs water and if you squeeze it hard and they can squirts but like smell kind of like vinyl. Yeah, no, it's terrible. So she spits acid. So I can choose an enemy and make a DR12 manna test.

If the target isn't wearing armor, they take D-10. If they are, they take D-6 damage and their armor is reduced by one level. That's pretty good. I also have one-up seven up. It just says one-up. You call one-up seven-up. I like that.

And it is touch a corpse that has just died and test DR-10 mana, pass, is one HP, crit is full HP, and a fumble is one HP and a curse table roll. I am equipped with a fanny pack and some roller skates. And over the past week, I've been hanging out at Play Things Ain't You. Okay.

And I've been- Really funny. That's really good. Hold on, say that again. Play things ain't you? Play things ain't you. It'll get you. Play things ain't you.

It'll get you. Catch up, don't know. Is it filled you? It's just you, right? It's just you. And she's been in the Paradise Palace, just hanging out by the pool, just getting a plastic. She's been.

Eight is spelled backwards. Yeah. It's really hard to read. She's been in the sun, so we're vinyl starting to get a little hard and discolored. And that's exactly how she likes it. Okay. Well, you're rolling up to the local cheese

to meet your friends here. Did you describe sort of what you look like beyond? Barbie. I'm Barbie. Yeah, it's basically, she's totally hair Barbie. And that's about it. Great, great. Knuckles.

Hold up. Go ahead, Gary. Speaking of us being toy that action figures, if you want to look at probably the most unmovie accurate toy of all time, look at the Dennis Neddry action from you from 1993. The Kenner, 19993, Deadest Nedry action scene. Spoiler alert, he looks like Duke Nukem. Wait, actually.

Yeah, so I think the story behind it is is that they started making the toys before they actually made the movie or cast anybody. So none of the action figures actually resemble anybody. They just had the script. Oh. He literally looks like a knockoff Duke Nukem. He's got like the strap on his, like, on his chest.

He's wearing like a gun holster on his chest. Yeah, that action figures that is fucking. Is that like the character designs of of the Ghostbusters animated show? No, no, this is far, far, far off. This is far more, far more off. Anyway, sorry, continue, Derek. You're fine.

No, that was a cool. I'm excited about the prospect of you bringing an enemy back to life just to kill them again. But Knuckles, what is your, what is your, tell us a little bit about yourself, what you look like, stats, these sorts of things. Well, just like we have a human, two toys,

Knuckles is an animal, or an animal folk, like Galileo. He lives in Little Ivory. He's an Ivory Italian animal. Ivory Italian. Yeah, he works at the local, like, movie rental shop and had dreams of being a script writer that didn't go very well. And obviously, his name is Knuckles. My HP is 10.

My stats are strength. I have 18 strength, which is plus 3. Agility is 10 plus 0. Agility. Agility. Agility. Sorry.

Agility. Presence is 6 minus 2. Pretty bad. Toughness is 13 plus 1. Manna is 8, which is a minus 1. Wow. I have two features and spells. One is demolition expert.

My exploding dice range is increased by 1. Wow. So instead of it, the max of my die, it's the max my die. and my weapons are brass knuckles, which are D4. So they explode half the time. Which is pretty cool. Which is pretty cool.

It's a coin flip. And so that went ham one day. I forget when that came in. Oh, it'll do it again. Yeah. That was crazy. Keep my mind, you pet. Let me tell it.

And then my second feature. On the following interaction. Have I ever used before? Did I have this last time? So I thought you used it last time, and that's why I put it on there, because we all have two. They have like three or four spells. We each have two features.

So I gave you that one. If you don't like it, we swap it up. No, I can't remember what I chose. I thought you used that one last time. Maybe I did. But I don't remember. If you remember, I have beer belch. When in melee range, I can belch to stagger an opponent.

Reduce the DR to hit them by minus two for the combat. That's incredible. I probably did take them. I think you did. I cannot use it again until it consume a large amount of alcohol. Yeah. And that'll be up to the GM's discretion more or less. Yes.

Because it's not explicitly defined. That's a very cool, like, loose. Oh, you drank enough. The most important thing on my character, she my equipment. I have a Nokia 3310 cell phone that I call my mom. I have a small plastic dinosaur.

We should establish what kind of dinosaur it is. That's up to you. That's up to you, man. You get to choose. And then I have a bunch of Tupperware and it holds 10 slots. But you use a lot of it for spaghetti. I do.

Holy shit. I... What? So I was, someone said that I should get a Barbie because they were the toys. So Gary and a Barbie is. I looked up a totally hair Barbie on eBay is $200 fucking dollars.

Oh my God. I'm not bad. I didn't even claim, but holy shit. And your class was unofficially killed the Rock Steady. Oh, there you go. I love that. And my weapons are brass knuckles, like I said,

does D4 and I have heavy armor, which is my studied denim outfit. I have large cargo pants. I have a wallet chain, of course, obviously. That's about it. Unless there's anything I'm missing. No, no. Be thinking about what you've been up to this week as we shift over to Galileo.

I am playing Galileo. I have also an animal kin of the frog or toad variety. I have a turtle shell backpack, which makes me look like a turtle, which is very cool. I have 9 HP, 8 strength, which is a minus 1. Agility 16 plus 2. Presence is a 13 with a plus 1. Toughness is a 9 with a plus 0 and mana is a 10 with a plus 0.

The features Critical Master. You now crit on 19s and 20s when attacking and defending, as well as sniper minus 2DR on ranged attacks. If taken again, minus 4. I'm assuming that means that... If you were to level up, you could take it again. Some features you can take more than once and they stack.

You can take this feature again. Oh, got it. Yeah, exactly right. Okay. My equipment is a backpack, which is my turtle shell backpack. It holds 12 items. I have a scrunchy and axe body spray. And my weapons are a Nerf gun, as well as a light armor.

Wow. Thank you everyone. You find yourself standing in the parking lot outside of the local cheese. Knuckles, Tiffany. Tiffany, Gary, you're near your methods of transportation, however it is that you managed to get here tonight. Andy, you're also standing there looking around because Galileo is a little late. And it's been tough trying to get in touch with him all this time.

He's been a little distant since your last exciting for all of you experienced at the local cheese. But when he left, he was a little bit down. And it's now 10, 15. Dot, dot, dot. Galileo. X number of minutes later that Galileo, you arrive in your own mode of transportation after what's been perhaps a more pensive week.

Matt, gosh, what's taking them so long? I don't know. Nichols, do you think that whole business with, like, the Pope got to him a little bit? Oh, you know. And that Catholic boise and stuff? I think we had a whole fight with the Pope or something. Yeah, and didn't he get, like, a rocket to the gooch at one time? Yeah.

Am I remembering that thing? You think that started to affect him a little bit? You know, he just... He's been down lately, you know? I mean, we haven't been hanging out as much. Wait, you haven't even heard from him? I mean, I haven't heard from him today. Have you guys heard from him in days?

Oh my god, what have you gotten into since the last time I saw you? Oh. Do you like my tan? And you can see I'm like completely discolored from the sun. Yeah, Tiffany, you look good. What have you been up to? Just that's a nice, my hair is a bit frizzed, like. It looks very reversible.

The lipstick is doing like. Yeah. They opened, I did hear they opened up that tany salon. You've been hitting that regularly? No, gross. Oh, okay. Okay. Sorry, I just assumed. No, I go to Playthings Ain't you.

Oh. Play things ain't you. They've got this really awesome palace there that, like, they fill up with water every day and I can splash around in it. It's really cool. That sounds quite bacterial. The chlorine turns my hair green, but it's kind of a look. Well, I'm really glad you were able to make it. I mean, it's been nice, you know, having you come out with us for a few of these nights.

And we're hoping that you can start to make it a regular thing. And I think that, you know, if Galileo does show up, I think he's going to be really happy to see you too. Yeah, my life's really sucked lately, and you drink a lot. So this has been good for me. Yeah, and there's really nothing better to do with your life sucks than to drink as much as you possibly can. We drink totally normal amounts, Tiffany.

Yeah. I mean, beyond just trying to break the rules every time we come. Well, yeah, but the limit is bullshit. Yeah, that's not normal at all. Only two beers over the course of a night? What are we? We're dedicated drinkers to drinking more than do beer. What are we at kindergarten?

Let me tell you. How are we supposed to taste all of the cool drinks if we only drink, too? Exactly right. Exactly right. And every Friday, when it rolls around and I wake up in the morning, I am literally shaking to get to this parking lot

and see all of you and have a wonderful night at the local cheese. You know, if we miss a weekend, I kind of feel it. Like, somehow my body can tell if we didn't spend all Friday night. Yeah, my body can tell that we did to go to the local cheese. I think it's like a local cheese. detection warning system.

I think it's the soul. I think it's the soul saying. Oh, is that what it is? Our soul rejuvenation. All right, okay. Yeah. So the shaking's normal then is what you're trying to tell me. It's totally like a soul meditation thing.

And then if you don't do it, your crystal vibes are off and you start to vibrate. The shaking is totally normal. I've had it forever. All right. I just started getting it after spending about a week with you. Just there's a reason. I hope Caledaleo's okay.

Yeah, how did I get here if we didn't use February of Who-Hands weather van? You took the bus. You took the bus. Yeah, my mom gave me some quarters to... That must have been a harrowing experience. Yeah, how it was the bus. Oh, you know, you know how it usually is. It stinks.

It takes forever. I mean, when did you guys leave to get here? Oh, I mean, you know, it takes us maybe like 10 minutes to get over here. I got to take the afternoon off. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. I just, well, by off, I just left after my lunch break and didn't tell anybody, so I'm sure it's fine.

Friday night's a slow at a movie rental place. So the job's still going well? I mean, you know, I get free Mike's. Oh, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah. Do you get free popcorn, or is that a lie? Wait, free, what do you mean, free popcorn?

Yeah. Like in the plastic wrapper that you use in the microwave at home? I don't know. No, we don't make like fresh popcorn because we just rent like VHSs. But I mean, you know, working at a movie theater, honestly. Free hot popcorn? Oh, my God. You don't work at the movie theater? No, do you think I worked at the movie theater?

Yeah, I thought you could get me into free flicks. And I'm turning in a pixel. Why do you think I have all these vinyl cuts from the clamshell faces? And you see my hands are like totally sliced out. It's just awful. There's band-aids all over them. I just thought you had cats. Oh, I used to.

What? Yeah, Ma was allergic, so there's a farm up state that she says. Yeah, no, no, I mean, I'm sure that Mittens is having a wonderful life up there, you know? Your mother was always very humane. Smash, a smash cut to a cat named Mittens working as a barista in Ithaca

New York. I went to a great. And made Steve Hams. How is your mom doing? I mean, she good? Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, I mean, she's back on her feet. She's fine, you know.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, did she win her season of Love Island or? What the fuck are you talking about? Isn't your mom one of those, like, women on real housewives of. No, I mean, the local cheese? She's a real housewife, but no, she's on no TV. She's not that mob wife? What?

What? Wait, you think, is, is the mob wife on the show in Ivory Italian? Yeah. Wow, yeah, I'm sure she watches the show. No, but she just, you know, she sits at home and watches the shows and, you know, gets the acrylics done and, you know, gets her hair done and, you know, she likes to look good. I'm pretty sure. She looks exactly like you.

Wait, like, like me? Yeah, I don't miss an episode. and she looks exactly like you. I don't know if that's a compliment or not, but I mean, maybe she's got good taste and studded denim cargo pants. That's exactly what she wears on the show. Tiffany, I think you're freaking out knuckles.

Look at him, he's sweating. I saw, have you seen like some, there's some weird places on the internet that talk about like, you know, like dople gangs. Have you heard of this? Like, you don't have to tell me. if your mom's a mom wife. No, I don't think, I mean,

you know, my dad only takes around on Saturdays. They never go out together on Fridays now that I think about it. Well, I think your imagination is just overactive on account of the recent premiere of The Sopranos, which is really changing, which is really changed television. And I'm very excited for this summer

when the Phantom Menace comes out. Oh. I'm placing us directly in Spring of 1999. Okay. Wonderful. And I think the fan of this is going to be really good, you guys. I can't wait. I'm really excited.

No, it's going to be the movie of the decade. Yeah, exactly right. So I think you've got an overactive imagination on account of Edie Falco's wonderful performance as Carmilla Sprang. Anyway. On account of being 1999. I think we got to do a spaghetti night

at your mom's place again soon. Oh, true. You know, we should have you guys over. We'll buy some ingredients. We'll all cook together. Oh, yeah, I'll get some paper plates. I think maybe Galileo is probably like, has he even talked to you about his money problems? He has this thing called Axe Body Spray, but in 1999, that's really only available with France.

I think he's probably not going to be important here until about 2003. So I think that probably, I think that he's probably been a lot of import fees on that body spray uses. Well, but I mean, based on the cold. open, wasn't there a kid using like internet lingo and slang from 2023? Yeah, I mean, he literally said something about streaming. Yeah, and NPCs. Yeah, well, I think that the time, the temporally, it doesn't really matter. And chat.

It's all here and there and chat, exactly. It's here and there and everywhere all at once. It's just time is a flat circle, I think, Gary. Man. Also, it's Axe body spray, ACKS with an exclamation point. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's Galileo now. Hey.

He's coming up. Oh, you're on a moped. I'm cycling up on a bicycle. Oh, a bicycle. But I have a trading card. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. From last time when we got the Marshall

the scattering cards. Hey, hey, hey. Oh, God, there he is. We're gonna wait a lamp. What's up, everybody? Oh, hey, Tiffany. Hey. What's going on, man?

Nobody's heard from you in like days. Yeah. Are you okay? You know, I've just been working. Just delivering pizzas. Did she cut you off from? from using the van? Knuckles, you know, just everything reminds me

of her, man, like her van. Like her own personal van. Oh, oh, are you two, like, remind me where we ended the last episode. Yeah. Get us up. Get us up. Why you?

Do you guys break up again? You don't tell us anything, man. Yeah, you didn't even have much farther my text. We worry about you. Oh, you texted me? Yeah. Wow. What is that?

I haven't been able to check. I've just been too, you know. I mean, I'm doing fine, guys. I'm doing fine. Just like Andy always says, it's like, where you're not feeling good, you just come on with your friends and you drink until you feel good again. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's the only healthy way to process your negative emotions.

I didn't realize that you guys were texting each other. Like, how fast are you at T9? Because I can do like 145 t9s a minute. Well, I can do more than that, but I keep a sum for myself. Yeah, I can't afford a cell phone. Yeah, no, me neither. I don't really have, like, extra cash for that. Wait, are you talking about the T-I-89?

like the calculator that you can play the games on in class? No. I have this Nokia 3310 cell phone. I don't know what you, that came out, but. That's a great question. Hold on, you, I think we're looking at way too closely. Oh, man, did we already shatter temporal stuff? Oh, no.

For sure. It was released in the year 2000. Oh, man, wow, is that like a prototype? I got it at a Nokia preview event, I guess. What's the heck? Your dad really is connected. But you should know what the T9 is if you have it, don't get it. I mean, he's in waste management, I guess.

You know, maybe that's why it does pretty well for himself. That is. I totally should have asked what your mom's name is, but it might not be appropriate now. Waste management. Isn't that the same profession that is the cover story of Tony Sopranos, played fabulously by James Gandalfini, who's changing what it needs to be a leading man on television?

Oh, man, I made a good show. That is a weird coincidence. You know the odd thing is? Is it the pilot of the show? Yeah. It's really oddly, differently towed to the entire rest of the first season. Well, how much is the show is out right now, Gary? You know, it's probably finished by now.

Oh, okay. The first season you mean? The first season, I think, was 10 at 12 episodes? Well, hold on, but, I mean, based on what you said earlier. The premiere in January. Okay, so, well, it's January, but the Phantom Menace hasn't come out, and I think that came out in May, didn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's coming out soon. How soon? Are we talking like, are we in early May or are we at the end of April? I think we're in sometime in April. I think we're placing way too much value when this actually takes place. So season one's probably close to finish then at this point. Well, I changed telephins. But you bring up a good point how different the pilot was.

I never really noticed it so you brought it up. Yeah, we don't have the home box office, unfortunately. Oh, no, I'm pretty sure we steal that. Oh, I know. I'm pretty sure we steal that. Oh, yeah, we steal it from Craig. I think we're cables splice. Yeah.

Yeah, we're stealing it from great. Don't you guys? You like steal TV? Can we do that? We can't afford it, but yeah, you just kind of like, siphoning it off your neighbors. Well, wait, so are you, like, current on, on, uh, on Sopranos? Oh, yeah.

Oh, and it's good? Yeah, it's, oh, it's fabulous. Oh, I mean, it's literally revolutionizing TV. Oh, man. Yeah, there's a character named Big Bus. That's pretty funny a dog about. I mean, no one's ever done that before. Yeah, I mean, it's in 99.

Yeah, I mean, it's a little bit of a character. Oh, man. Man, big pussy. To be fair, the image kind of comes in and out it's a little grainy sometimes. It's not crystal clear, obviously, because you can never like stealing it. But we get by, we do okay.

Oh, do you know what? What were you gonna see? I was just wondering, if I'm just gonna go into Vixel because of you and because of me. Oh, I'm gonna get to get to. Oh my God, so like the thing is in high school, my brother had a friend called Little Sperm.

So I wonder if Little Sperm and Big Pussy are like best friends. Like, do you think they know each I don't know. Does he know HBO stars? Does he act? No. Does he have any connections to David Chase, creator and showrunner of the photos?

Who changed what it would look like for television for all time to come? I don't know. He just like runs track. I don't think they're probably, I think it's probably a coincidence. It's probably a coincidence. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you were telling us your story. We got a sidetracked. I'm so sorry.

Oh, man. Hang on, do you guys get Sopranos at your mom's house? Well, that's what I'm saying. We don't have the home box office, but apparently you can just steal it. Does that mean you can steal Skinna Max? Can you steal Skinna Max? Yeah, I mean, we're definitely doing that too.

Are you guys, like, actually buying anything at all? Because you know, you can just go into the stores and take things. Can you? No, I don't think. Really? I don't think you can do that. I mean, that's how I get a lot of stuff. That feels like a little too far.

I mean, like stealing cables of big of crime. Yeah. All right. But like, you know. We steal cable. We're not thieves. Right. I mean, come on.

Let's be real here. I guess it depends on the definition. The can then. I mean, yes, you can technically do it, but it's not, it's against the law. Why would they make it openable if you're not supposed to steal it? Huh. I never, I guess I never thought about it that way. I guess we could just take stuff, huh?

I don't know. I don't know. A life of crime was really never for me. Yeah, my dad knows a lot of guys that's been to prison, so, you know. He's always trying to keep me on the straight and arrow, you know? It's really best. Yeah, yeah. And besides, if something like serious were to happen, we wouldn't be able to come back to the local cheese.

And I don't know what I would do if I lost this. Exactly right. I don't think themed entertainment is ever going to die. No, I mean, this is literally the future. This is the future. From now until the end of time. themed entertainment. Themeed entertainment will never die.

So anyway, what's going on with you in the band? Why no van? Oh, man. I mean, you guys remember last week, right? When that guy showed up and he won my lightning shirt, Man, I got really fucked up, but I think I died. That guy. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That guy is so hot right now. Yeah, but he sucks. I mean, like, do you hear the way he talks? Oh, worst. Oh, worst. The best. Who?

The guy who won the lightning shirt. I mean, like, you got 999,000-999 tickets. Yeah. Oh, is it? I was hanging out with all the Tiffany as on aisle nine, and we agree that he is the coolest. Wait, Yalao, the lighting shirtkin, isn't that the thing that you wanted? Well, yeah, man, I mean, I think he even had my name on it.

I think he took my lighting shirtkin. Do you like the whole, like, Nerf gun thing? Don't you, like, go on those online forums and talk about them a lot and watch all those videos about them? And you go to Play Things Ain't You? And you always get the latest model, and you like, you practice your whole puppet technique. Well, exactly right. Play Things ain't me. I just want to grow up and get a Nerf gun.

Their motto. I mean, a lighting shirt is a light shirt. Oh, it's so much cooler, man. And anyway, that's how I was trained. I feel like what I think could really take an eye out. I mean, I don't know. Isn't that kind of dangerous? Oh, for sure.

Did February Rurio Hula hand leave you because you got ticket mawed by that guy in the future? Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on, man. Listen, I'm just asking a simple question. That's really straightforward. I'm asking a simple day-dog question.

Be sensitive. Gary. I broke up with her, man. Oh. Yeah, right. Is that right? There's absolutely zero fucking chance. That is not what you wrote in your diary.

Can we try to discern the veracity of the statement? Absolutely. Make a presence test. Okay. And I suppose. Oh, God, no, I got a four. I got a four. My plus zero, I got another. I'm just kind of, my eyes kind of squint you.

Yeah, yeah, it's confusing. You're gonna make signals. And I look at you for a second, I say, good for you, man. You gotta be the one to end it when you sense the things are coming in. Yeah. You gotta get ahead of that and don't even give her the satisfaction.

I mean, yeah, her van bitching. Her body rock it. But you didn't need any of that, okay? Was she famous and rich? Yeah. But you don't need that. You're Galileo. Yeah.

Now, Andy's like 100% right. Like, you should just do what I do. No relationships. You find yourself a really hunky guy and you just make him your best friend. there you go you gotta make her jealous now that's what you gotta do I mean how could she not already be jealous look at this life we live and she was trying to tie me down okay doing yeah there's a smash cut too it backs out of the uh like it's just dark in the trickets

in the like empty parking lot outside of the tumble weed rolls by and then it zoos back in as you continue your story oh I mean she just wanted too much man so I just had to call it off I was like listen You want to take an ivory cooking class? Oh, it's time to, it's time to drink with the guys and Tiffany. And, you know, I just can't. I don't have that kind of time. Yeah, I'm a free spirit. Yeah.

But I mean, that doesn't explain why you seem so down about it. Yeah, any partner that would not want you going out and getting blackout racing at a child's casino every Friday is a partner that ain't some big dogs supported. That's exactly what I said. I told her that exactly when I broke things off. Yeah. Well, well, here, why do we go into the local cheats? We'll drink until we forget. And we're just gonna take, we're gonna take your mind off

of things that remind you about. Anyway, here, actually, why don't we all have some gum? Anyone needs to a gum? Oh, yeah, I'll take one. Yeah, it's double giant watermelon flavor. Oh, so sweet. Oh, this is better than the zebra stuff. No, no, no, it's just a little funny.

Oh, here you. Okay. Everything reminds me of her. There we go. There you really do. You broke up about this. Oh, no, this is just a natural reaction. You know, gal, I'm a little offended, though.

Like, how long have you two been splitting? We haven't really hung out more, you know? Like, I thought like that was kind of one of the whole things where it's like, oh, if we both end up single again, you know, we're gonna paint the town and hit the casino and all that. Remember all that, gal? What have been doing? Oh.

I've just been. Like hanging out at home? Well, yeah, I mean, I was working. I was getting my mind off things. I was looking to deliver pizzas, but then I just found myself eating them, man. I just couldn't get one to a single location. So, no, I know what you mean.

I've been pretty down and depressed lately, too. Well, look. Huckles, man. What? Andy, we can't just glaze right over. No, no, it's fine. No, never ask me how much is this. No, no.

I don't know how you're doing. But I just wanted to say, the first round's on me. That's all. I want to hear everybody's problems, but I'm here to solve them. So please tell us. Tell us, but just know. I don't know. Everybody wants to know about the big titty weather lady and what's going on with her.

But, you know, no one has been on. No one ever won this. Your Knuckles is doing. No, he's down in the dump. Tell us what's going on. Tell us what a watermelon in my mouth. I, I, I don't know. I worked really hard.

I worked at least two shifts last week. I spent a good portion of that. Two shifts. One of those little, like, gumball machines that you, like, put the quarter in and you turn in, you get the little capsule that has the little plastic toys in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was iron one.

And one, it said that I could get a plastic dinosaur. But this is what I got. And I reach into my cargo pants, and I pull out what was labeled as a plastic dinosaur. But you'll see that it has a large kind of reptilian-looking head, very large frill, big kind of green arms and legs with a long tail. I got a dimetrodon. What's a dimetrodron?

You know what a dimetrodon is? No, I... Does this look like a fucking dinosaur to you? Kind of, yeah. I'm in like... Yeah, I mean, very obviously. I'm not exactly like a dinosaur. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

You think that this, a dimetrodon, is a dinosaur? Dude, yeah, that's a dinosaur. You're showing me a dinosaur right now. You fucking idiot. a synapsid. It's a proto-mammal from the early Permian period. You think this is a dinosaur? This guy's more related to me than him. And you're wondering why nobody asks you what got you down from the thumbs ever. I just, I expected a plastic dinosaur and I get a plastic synapsid. I didn't put my money in the plastic synapsid machine. I call me an idiot. Oh, is this diner thing what's got you

upset? I thought it was working two shifts. Matt and tell me they were bullshit. No, like we should be really sympathetic to this because this is awful. Like something similar happened to me. Because right next to those machines, you know, they've got the sticker machines and you put two of the coins in them and you get the sticker. I wanted the one that said sexy and I got the

oval one that said flirty and I hold it up and I'm not flirty. I'm not flirty like at all. Guys, we haven't even crossed the threshold of the local cheese and you are killing the vibes. I'm just saying it's like really disappointing and I think we should feel bad for him.

Guys, I mean, we'll be it fix it. We'll be your fix it. We really need to talk about this right now. There's more important things to discuss. Season one of the Sopranos ended this past Sunday on April 4th. Oh my God. On the kind of the April 9th right now.

And I feel like I need to talk about how Mikey Palmizi died. And they killed off the only character named Mikey in the entire show at the end of season one. And there was none any more in the future. Wait, I heard, did that the guy that got whacked in the bathtub? Yeah, with the poison ivy. I don't remember he had whacked in a bathtub. Oh, no. No, never mind.

And Paulie got poisoned I mean about it. You hear a voice. Whacked in the bathtub is definitely a skidimaxed. No, that was not. No, Mikey, Mikey whacked that guy in the bathtub a couple weeks ago. You hear a voice. We're watching a different.

Suddenly yell out and echo across the parking lot as you hear the bouncer, who's clearly been standing watching you all alone in the parking lot under the dim light of the street lamps that are there. You guys talking about the Zabranos? Oh, it's May 14th. Oh, shit.

What? What? It's May 14. You're still talking about that? Wait, that means that Star Wars comes out like in two weeks. May 14? No, Star Wars comes out in five days on the 19th. Oh my gosh.

And to tell you how good this year was, March 31st was the Matrix. On May 7th was the mummy. This is the very fucking year on the planet. Oh, my God. Shirley movies will only keep getting better than here. You know what my favorite part about the theater is, though? Titanic's been playing for three years. Wow.

Wow. That's a historic, that's a generational run. Jimmy Cameron just really needs that title, doesn't I? Yeah. Yeah, it's so good. Nobody mentioned The Matrix. Can you give me free tickets to see the Titanic at your movie theater job?

Yeah, it was a little heady. Maybe I should get a job at the movie theater to see all these great films. Did we get tickets for Star Wars? That's in five days. No, well, to be honest, I, look, I got sold out before I could get tickets. Yeah, me too.

And I scrounged up all my money for tonight. So like, you know, who knows when I'll be able to find money a movie ticket. I mean, movies are crazy expensive. And who knows, maybe the local cheese on account of the marketing, the taking over the world right now, maybe there'll be a promotion with the local cheese and we can actually win tickets to the premiere of the Phantom Medicine.

That would be insane. Oh, my God, do you think we can do that? Oh, absolutely. Who knows? I mean, it is posited. Oh, they love doing movie collas. It's May 14. Let's be real, man. That's the only way we're going to get tickets. I mean, have you looked at the prices? There's no way those prices can keep going up. Yeah. You should become a bouncer. They're like literally $5 a ticket, right?

now. After her. Her's up to five? Yeah. We got to win those tickets, guys. Are you just going to stand out there in the parking lot? I mean, look, we're catching up, man. We're going to be in a minute.

It's like not even... It's 8.17 in the evening. It's not in 8.30 yet, man. We'll be, we'll give us a break. If you want to see more movies, he should become a bouncer. A lot of movie money in the bouncer business. Fine. Let's go in. Yeah, let's go in.

to make our way in though I would like to go into my pocket and I don't actually have a wallet I don't really do that I stuck a bunch of cash in my pocket how much cash was I able to scrounge up over the course the last week given that I'm unemployed uh that's a great question and you're unemployed yeah yeah I just scrounge you up cash uh you know maybe I maybe I went to a penny a penny machine and I dumped a bunch of penny in a coin counter maybe I went through all the sofas the gadges me guys that's very funny what would Can I roll something to see how much cash on that? Because you're using all your skills, I want you to make a strength, agility, presence,

and toughness check. Jesus. Strength, I got a natural 20. Ooh. So plus one would be 21 for strength. Okay. For agility, I only got a four. Okay.

Toughness, I got an 11. All right. And you did presents as well? No. Three. Okay, with three successes. I want you to roll 3D10, and that's how many dollars you have

scrolled away in your pocket. Let's go. Not bad. Oh. Uh-oh. I felt $14. Well done. That's enough for beer.

Pretty, yeah. That's enough for beer. That's not an average. Is it tokens, basically? Yeah, one-to-one ratio. Without a job, $14 is respectable. That's the equivalent of $28, maybe sometimes at the future. That's two bucks a day.

And that's because, well, you found, You found $10 on the street at one point. And so, you know, you did really well. You did really well. Look, guys, I got 14 bucks in my pocket. You know, it's burning a hole. That money will not last till tomorrow. So first round of beers on me.

Let's go, Andy. Oh, yeah. You guys walk up. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I need to see some IDs. Gary, Andy, Tiffany, Knuckles, I need to see all of your ideas. All right, all right. Oh, well, it makes me feel like my piece from my pocket.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, you all see entrapment last week. week. Man, that cancer and Dana Jones talk about bouncing. She knows how to get under a live wire. That's for the fair. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. You know when that's married to Michael Douglas?

Not yet. Not yet. Oh, not yet. Not yet. Right now she's falling over John Connery. All right, I'll like, go on in there. Go on in there. You know the rules. No fighting. No drinks over two. Yeah, no drinks over two. Let's go on James Bond.

Hey, guys, if anyone's hungry and broke, I got some spaghetti in my pocket. That's, man. Mrs. Knuckles' mom? Did she make it? Yeah, of course. It's my spaghetti. We can only count on you, buddy.

Heck yeah. Obviously, I prefer that, you know, some pizza, but you know, in case anyone's hungry later, you know, needs to sober up a little bit. That's incredibly suspicious, because the lady on this show always has her spaghetti. Who's this lady you keep talking about? Your mom.

Have you got, have you got, has the Blair Witch Project come out? Is that sort of it's going to be? Almost certainly. Have you seen that creepy stuff online with like that Blair Witch? Who's going to ask you? That's like,

doppelganger stuff where like the TV will come on and it's going to announce like the world's being taken over. And then there's like a doppelganger and then all of a sudden you see like another you, but it tries to kill you. Oh, that's a doppelganger, man. That's just a German word for a guy who looks like you. Well, wait, is that what you think has happened under your mom?

This other person who makes spaghetti? I wonder if we have... Is a copy of your mom? Maybe, like, the Internet stories are true and we're under some kind of apocalypse. You think so? No, I think that's just a foreign word that we've borrowed in English

to explain the phenomenon of few people who look similar. What if this was all a simulation, that movie that just came out a few weeks ago, like, there was an apocalypse. And all of this would be a computer. But if we're just plugged in, dude, And they don't just look the same, Andy.

They both make spaghetti. Ever since I watched that movie, I'd kind of scratch in the back of my head a little bit more. Yeah, I know. God. I'm a little worried about it. And those fucking things like that long that goes right in the back of your skull? Oh my God.

And Tiffany, I think you might be confused on account of the fact that right now, reality television is a niche with MTV's real world and it's next summer that it'll become a national phenomenon with the premiere of survival. Yeah, I mean, so here's the thing. I'm kind of a trendsetter. So I'm watching these niche shows

that other people aren't seeing. Oh, wow. Gosh, you're so ahead of the curve. Yeah, all of us in Isle Nine, all of the Tiffany's, are trendsetters. Every Tiffany I met has been one swell person. I look to see if our normal table is available. You are all standing at the entrance

and you begin to look over towards the eatery. That front dining area where there are booths, there's a bar. There's all sorts of food, families, and a variety of children running up and down the checkerboard floor. You can hear the bouncer's voice as it's muffled through the door, you hear him say,

right this way, welcome to the local cheese, Mr. Ganger. And you're, oh, yes, thank you. And a man walks past here. And then you make your way in towards the eating area where you'll be able to be seated and enjoy beers and drinks and a variety of culinary experiences. That kind of a German accent? You were just saying we borrowed their words.

What are the chances? I think he said it was that Mr. Ganger? Oh, fuck. You're kidding. If that guy's a German accent, you said doppelganger's a German word? And he said his name was Mr. Ganger. I didn't even put the doppelganger thing together, ma'er. I just thought it was German.

I didn't catch what he said. What? The fuck. Do you think its first name is Dopple? I hope not. Gal, you got to find out his first name right now. There's no way. There's no way.

I'll get the beers. You find out this guy's first name. Oh, God, I'm shaking. I'll go up to the guy who just, he just said, hey, right this one. You look for the voice and I need to make a present. A test, I should say. Three. Three.

You push through the crowd. There's a large number of people who are just standing. at the gate to the arcade floor. And you think, you swear that that's where Mr. Ganger, perhaps his first name is Dopple, you race forward trying to look for that person. You only remember catching a flash. My Dopple!

You yell out. People, it's heads turn, but you don't think that anyone has any recognition. There's only this brief flash. And then you do spy. something, but it's not doppelganger. It is a sign this week only, 1,000 tickets for a premiere of the Phantom Menace movie ticket. No, each. How many? Each. We just need 5,000 tickets. Oh, guys, oh, I didn't find out that guy's first name, but get this. One thousand tickets each,

and we each get a movie ticket to the Phantom Menace. Oh my gosh, the one is coming out next week. Not in five days, my? On Friday night. Thousand tickets. We've done it before. We can do it again. Didn't I buy like Clouds Bust disorder something? Yeah.

You guys had a rocket launcher at one point. The waitress walks up. Yeah, what'll it be? Five local cheese beers. Anything else like that? Cheat watery American beer. No, I have $14. I'm not.

I'm pretty sure five beers is going to cost to the 10 bucks. It's 1999, that'll last you all night. I'll be back. I don't think that's how that works, but okay. You, she disappears and minutes later, she sets down a tray of cool, refreshing, hydrating local cheese beer.

How many tokens is it for beer? We have an answer to that question. How many tokens do I have? Yeah, but I'm asking for the audience. Should we roll for our tokens the rest of us? Probably. It is two token. cost for...

So I have down to four tokens and we should all roll for our tokens after we toast. I want to say a toast to my friends and Galileo, I know you're pretty broken up inside, man. It's okay. You don't have to hide it anymore. We're here for you, okay? Yeah. We love you.

Nuggles, I'm really sorry about that dinosaur thing. I don't... I wish I could speak more on it. I don't... You said a lot of big words that I wasn't really sure I understood. But we're here. twice this week. Tiffany, I'm also sorry that you didn't get the sexy over the flirty thing. But what I will say is I'm so glad that you're part of our crew now. Yeah, it's so great to have to come out of it. It's great to have you. And I'm glad to see you. And it's going to be awesome. It's totally cool to spend tonight with you guys.

Yeah, my old cousin Tiffany. Finally, we're reconnected. And Gary. Are we cousins? I think we established the Navy more cousins. Wiki editors can confirm. And also long the date that it is right now. I am like almost positive that I flirted with you, so ew. And Gary. We should drink about it. Yeah, probably. To you and me and our date with Skinnamax later. And, you know, and hopefully season.

Hopefully season two is as good as season one. I don't want to have it to Big Pooke. You know, because I'm not optimistic. Just time. Cheers. Cheers, cheers. To another night. To another night.

Cheese. Look, glug, glug, glug. I'm marking a beer. And I will add one drink. Total. One of my drink total. Is there a pencil over? This one is all fucked. No, it's, yeah, it's kind of, it's kind of, oh, it's one I got you.

Yeah, yeah, thank you. There might be a drink total. You all drink and you add one value to your drunkenness. Ah. And I'm trying to remember what our thresholds are and that they're actually based on customers. There are Fivinacci numbers,

357, 9, 11, 13. So you are just drinking beers and having a good time. It's all the cheat sheet. In the, oh, thank you, yes, correct. And in the back of your mind, the tantalizing idea that next Friday, you're not going to be able to win premiere tickets to the Phantom Menace. Tonight is the night. If you can gather enough tickets, you might be able to go see the biggest film of the year.

And that's where we'll take a quick break. Hell yeah. As you sip your drinks, you feel the weight of the tokens in your pockets grow heavier. Having transformed some of your cash money into these tokens as you entered the local cheese. So now let us roll to see how many tokens you start off with. How do you do that?

I can't remember, Andy. No, I mean, there's no rule. It's literally what you think each person should roll. Maybe we start by saying, did you do this last week? We know that Knuckles and Galileo have jobs. I don't think we've confirmed if Tiffany has a job. So I should explain what Tiffany does.

There you go. So Tiffany lives in Isle 9 of the playthings, ain't you? And what she does during the day sometimes is she just steals coins out of the fountain. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Is Tiffany like a, is it actually a toy? Yeah.

She's a Barbie. That's incredible. Yes. It's really up to you. How everyone rolls. Like Gary. She's not a puppet, but she's a torietic doll. And with that kind of a week and you coming so frequently to, I don't know if you're eating.

I live at the local cheese, basically. I mean, almost, right? And so I would say, let's have you. I had Andy use all of his abilities. I don't think Tiffany would have much for money because she just steals things from the toy store. Roll two presents checks for me. This is not how it's going to be conflict. So how does that work?

To make a presence test, you're gonna roll a D20 and add your presence modifier to it. Okay. So three. Okay. And four. Okay. Roll a D10 and that's how many tokens you have. Okay. Gary, what have you been up to this week?

Seven. Oh man. Yeah, perfect. I don't think Gary has a job. But he saves a lot of money by stealing cable. That's right. We definitely know I have jobs. Absolutely. We probably scrounge around.

You don't even do odd jobs. You barely make apartment money. Yeah, we just try to get by. Every day. Every day. I get a mysterious check that comes in the mail. Oh, you get a mysterious check that comes in the mail. This is a social security?

This is a mysterious check of a dude, Gary won't say what it's from. There's a big eagle on it. Can you get this hole? I'm not sure I'm aware. Maybe, I don't know. I don't even know. Roll presents check. Roll the presents check.

Oh, I get 11. No. No. Okay, I'm not even aware. Somehow you just have money. You don't know. Go ahead and roll. He's a floor mart heiress.

You actually get money instead of having to steal it out of a fountain or find it in the cushion. So I'm going to ask you to roll 2D10 for me. 2D 10. Oh my God. Can I borrow your D10? Yeah, of course. You can borrow where you want.

Galileo. I already said I was wallowing and self-pity and failing to deliver all the pieces. Yeah, but you're delivering pizza. You work a job. Well, but I was eating them. I was failing to deliver them and I was eating them. Yeah, so probably not many. So probably this is a rough, a rough week. I've really been, I've really been wallowing. Okay. Maybe I delivered like one before I really fell to self-bidden. And those come out of your paycheck. They know. They know. Oh, yeah. I mean, you can't just be wolfing down pizza. Oh, man. You're making negative money. Oh, no. I owe tokens. Well, but that's still better than not having a job. Than not having a job. I agree. Two D-10.

You know, potato and tomato. This is doing pretty well then, I guess. I mean, how much money you can make a two shoes? I bet 17. Wow. I got nine tokens with nine tokens. Nine tokens. Very good, very good.

You just spent, I spent 10 of my 14. 10 of your 14, so you're down to four tokens. And, uh, Knuckles. Yeah, it was on you, on you. This kind of guy any is. Yeah, spent his last dollar on his friends. Knuckles, what have you been up to this week?

So I've been working my job, I took two shifts last week, or this past week, but when would have my paycheck come? That's the question. So it's whatever I would have, you paid on the first in the 15th. How, how like shady is this place? Because I worked in a movie rental store

and they were pretty shady, and they paid me a cash. Every day. 100%. I get paid in. Oh, you definitely have a tip jar, too, that's there. Every day you put a little money to get it started, and maybe somebody throws like a buck in a course of a shift.

So what I would say is I, this week, I probably worked, I worked two full shifts than the shift that I ditched. And so I probably haven't got paid for that shift today. No, you didn't get paid for that. So that's still 16 hours of work. Yeah. And the federal minimum wage in the United States was $5.15 an hour. Yeah.

So pretty decent. Plus tips. Don't forget to take out tax. That's well no, it's wrong paper back. It's all cash. It's all cash. It's probably under the tape. It's probably owned by his mob dad's like.

You are also covering lots of expenses. And I'm assuming that all of you are only bringing your recreational money after buying food and living and doing all the things that you're doing. So I'm going to ask you to roll 4010. Wow. Oh. Keep in mind. At the end of the day,

this, you can only buy two beers. That's right. This money will be good for healing items, like food and drinks if we get our asses kicks all around at the local cheese. And I could roll free ones. Yeah. You could. I'll only you all.

That would be very funny though. I have $23. Nice. Wow. Tocons now. You have 23 converted tokens. I think that makes sense. And with that, you think, how can you optimally play the games to get the 10 tickets to potentially get one, two, maybe even five,

premier tickets to the Phantom Menace, or whatever other prizes you happen to want from the prize counter. These are the thoughts that occur to you as you finish your first beers. And you're still sitting there in the eatery of the local cheese. The smell of pizza, man, and gaming in the air.

The cold beer is always good, and at some point I'm gonna wanna go for a slice. I don't know about you guys. But, uh, nothing like an offense to New York clients. That's right. I don't know how they do it, especially where we are. Everyone, I'm in the middle of nowhere. Man, middle America.

Yeah. hometown USA. What a great night. What a great Friday. I'm just, I'm so glad everybody was going to make it galile. I didn't think you were going to meet tonight, man. Oh, I wouldn't have miss this for anything, man. I needed this.

I needed this night with you guys, okay? Good. You think that we're like outside of the major city there, like in the suburbs? Yeah, probably. Yeah, most likely. Because I mean, for them to even have a local cheese, I feel like it's gotta be some sort of notable. I think it's probably, yeah, I mean,

I don't say like the Midwest, I'm gonna say like, you know, sub, it's suburbia. Yeah, suburbia. Man, I feel like that beer didn't do anything. No, I mean, I'm already done mine. I mean, that went down easy. Another round? Another round.

This time it's on Knuckles. And I'll get you guys back. I mean, I guess, you know, I made some money. Everybody's doing well, you know, making the, you know, going to work and making money. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, I'm pretty rich. So, like, with seven tokens, I think I could easily get the next round. I don't think you can't.

No, you're a little shy. It's 10, 10 tokens for rounds. No, no. No, because they're not. You know what, Andy, because you hook me up and you're so generous most of the time. Can we get one more round, please? Yes. Yes.

My man. Yeah! Thanks, Knuckles! And throw in an authentic New York pie! You hail the waiter, the waitress, I should say. And you get another round of beers, but additionally, you also get, it's five tokens for the full pizza.

Oh, that's a whole hour of work. So 15 tokens total. But with the slices of pizza that you eat, you would heal a D12 per slice. Can we have more than our max HP, though? I do not believe so, no. Just save the pizza. Put it in your tub.

Yeah. Put it in your tub. Oh, yeah. Nobody eat the pizza. I'm going to put a slice of pizza in my fan packs. I'm going to put a slice of my G-co jeans. Oh, yeah. I'm going to slice. You roll it up.

You each take a slice of pizza. Good thinking ahead, knuckles. I'm going to save my pieces for what I'm hungry. Yeah. As the pizza is served, the waitress asks for each of your hands to be stamped, knowing that you've all ordered few pizzas. Two beers. First stamp of the night.

She stamps each of your hands. It's clearly indicating that you've been served to drinks. So the one stamp says that we've hit our maximum. That's right. I look at the stamp and my mood immediately sours. I hate this, man. I can't believe they do this to us. I feel like I'm so close to a good buzz.

Yeah, well, this is America. This is ridiculous, man. This is middle America, no less. I thought this was a prosperous time. We can do whatever we want. Well, you know, we are grown men and doll. We could go anywhere where they wouldn't put a cap, but you know what? They don't got this.

It's tradition. They don't have street fighter at the local dive bar. They don't have dig bag. The dive bar is scary. Have you seen the people that go to the local dyes? Yeah, those are real scary people. I mean, those are some tough customers. Yeah, they were really well-lats very long, you know, fellas.

No. And plus, like, it's well-lit and, you know. here, it smells like pizza. Music's great. Yeah. I just, you know. You know what? I think we got to start playing some games. I mean, we have to. We got to start winning those tickets. You don't a lot of time and we got to win a thousand tickets each. Guys, I think that Darth Ball is probably going to be the best villain ever made. A very red, I bet he's got more than three lines. Oh, he looks so cool. He's so cool. I can't wait to sit. You know what? In the catalog, I saw that inflatable chair where you can sit on Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar.

Bigg's face. I think Jarger is the key doll. I'm saving up for that. Why would they make it so you can sit on a character's face? And also this is lollipop where you can lick its tug. Oh God, that's a thing. I'm really excited about that. I remember that. Jesus. They have you suck on his tongue?

Yeah, I would have suck on Jar Jar Beeks' tongue. Okay, let's go. That's cool. All right, geez. I'm gonna take my beer and I'm gonna drink as we go. Yeah, I down. As we go, and I've got my Fannie-Pack Dica. You can take your drinks with you as you make your way out

onto the arcade floor. And it is just as hopping and bloud and bright and wonderful as you remember. It's a warehouse-sized space. There are tubes in all directions that you can use to navigate to the other spaces of this impossible arcade leading up to second floor, third floor, other arcade areas.

But this initial arcade floor spreads out in front of you. And you can see cabinets. You can see sports games. You can see redemption games. You can see a variety of all kinds of token soaking games laid out in front of you that may or may not acquies the tickets that you so desperately seek. Okay.

I'm going to go to the one with the biggest payout. No, I think that's a strategy. I think if we can find some sort of game that is, high risk, high reward. Yeah. And potentially just spiked the thousand tickets right off the bat. That's the best thing. I mean, I've only got four tries, if that.

I think I'm going to get the one with the quarters where you push it in and then if you hit the thing, all the quarters in the back of it dump out. And it says, breaker, breaker, try a game. Did they change the rules with that one way where it's like the high and low and you had to like spike the middle? Yes, you remember that the tower. I think they changed. The tower of power.

No, no, no. The tower of power has been replaced by the tower of power two. The first time, the first time it was rolling a D20. and trying to hit that number, right? So it was really just a one in 20 chance. Now that has been increased to rolling a D20 and then having to hit that number twice. So it's a one in 400 chance.

You need to hit a 20 twice. Well, whatever you roll. You need to hit that number. So like if you roll a four, you gotta roll four. The math is always going to be one in 400. Not a few. That's the exact same thing. Wait, they haven't matched.

Let's go, let's go. Let's go. Okay, let's go. If you roll a four, then you don't need to roll D20 twice more and hit four times. Oh, twice. Oh. If you roll in 18, you need to hit, yes.

That's three in a row. No, that's one in 400. Right? Three times, no. Hitting a random number twice in a row on D20 is one. Well, but the random, the first number is irrelevant. It should be one in four hundred. It's still irrelevant to the time.

It's one in a 20 and 20 and 20. Should we go for it? Should we go for it? I don't know, man. It depends on how many tokens it takes. Well, maybe we try some of these And what the payout is? We don't even know what the payout is.

What's the payout? I mean, the odds are hitting it now. They made it considerably worse. I don't have my session one or two notes in front of me, but I think it was a $10,000 token payout. Yeah, it was a lot. You'd be able to get all of the tickets for the Phantom Menace. I think that's how I got that Buster Sword.

Yeah. No, that's definitely how. And after the next week, that machine was gone. It had two materia slots. They clearly knew. That was awesome. That we did something like that. I could cast fire three.

They weren't connected. Well, like, what are the top-powered games right now even? You go into the redemption game area, and this is indeed where all of the high-risk, high-reward games, there's the Tower of Power sitting there. You can see one person just feeding token after token after token into it and hitting, and then it moving super, super, super fast, and then almost hitting it again. The rhythm is almost impossible because it's not just moving up and down very fast, but sometimes it slows down.

Sometimes it goes fast and then flows down again. Is that ball game there, the one when you throw the ball? Ski ball. Ski ball is absolutely adjacent to this area. That's in sort of like the sports game adjacent area next to like air hockey and the one where you have to throw the bat and the balls in and kind of over and over,

that sort of thing. This area is for, there's that pusher game that Gary talked about. Yeah, something about that. A wall of coin pusher. Coin pusher. That also, exists within this space. You're confronted by a lot of probably not going to get anything,

but could get a lot. Oh, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I'm going to be honest with you. I think that the Tower of Power 2 probably has the highest chance for the highest upside, but the coin pusher. I mean, we give real money. I know. Real money. And I need real money. Yeah. We need those tickets. What if we split up and did a couple games to maximize our profits? Yeah. And then we'll reconvenated one hour's time, henceforth, and see where we're at and adjust our strategy. I think it's a great plan. I'm going to push those coins harder than I'm going to push Jar Jar Bix's tug into my my mouth.

Gary, I was with you until last part. I think Jared has to keep all this. Let's go check out the coin for you. He's the funniest cure that we've had so far. Please don't bring up the Jar Jar Binks' Pala Lollipop anymore. Is this one of those kinds of arcades that has like the video poker in the back? Like the ones on the Ocean City Boardwalk No, I think it's

No, no, yeah, with all the crusty, dusty Grandpals After I went back to the video poker place, my lungs got so filled with smoke I just started to punch the grandpa. All right, we're going to the coin bushing machine. We're going to call push machine. We're going to call push machine.

Because we need to win some real money that may last longer than whatever else happens tonight. We haven't eaten in a while. Yeah, we're not eating. We're not about eating. We have food up here. Everybody has that pizza, though, right?

I have a slice of my jingo guys. All right. I'm Bajiko Jee. We head off to the coin machine while everybody else decide what they want to do. What other games have high payouts to token?

Yeah. What seems like a good option? One moment. And does the Tower of Power 2 give an initial payout if you spike the first number? Is there like a lesser than 10,000 payout? Oh, it's all or nothing. It's you put a token in and you and you,

and you and you hit the button and then you try to hit that twice. The... One moment. There's sort of a... One of these games is a ball dropping game where there's a rotating disk

of various holes and you do get a different payout depending on how well you do with that particular game. There's the coin pusher game which Andy and Gary are headed towards. There's the Tower of Power. There is the, yeah, those are the immediate games

that you're confronted with that feel like you might be able to get a high payout for a small number of tokens. Is there one that seems like it takes a degree of dexterity? I would say actually the ball drop. This is where you have to time the drop in order for it to land, almost Plenko style,

trying to get it to land in the correct, socket or pocket. I'll go to that one. Okay, okay. Tiffany, where are you headed? Ski ball, if possible. Oh, okay, okay, very good. And...

Go! I go to Wacky Gator. Oh, yeah. Which was also known as Gator Panic by Namco, of course. Wacky Gator? So if you remember, there was, it was kind of whack-a-mole style, but there were these blackmailed

Gators, they would climb it out and you would see big like old-style Malice of Madel. That was awesome. I was furiously Googling Gator-style Wackermole game. I never would have remembered that's what it was called. I meant to,

Wacky Gator, Wacky Gator. Wacky Gator, but I think Wacky Gator is extremely correct. God, that was the best. Let's go back to Galileo. Everyone sort of splinters and separates and you find yourself looking at a colorful, musical display, a tableau of images and rotating spaces, you know that you can put a token in

and you'll be delivered one ball and that it'll be up to you to try and time the drop at the center to hope that it lands in not any of the many nothing pockets, but perhaps one of the five or 50 or 100 or 1,000 ticket pockets that are available on this shift. As I walk up to it, I'm still at my core depressed. And the only way I know how to fill the void within me is with more drinks. So if I see any unattended drinks on my way up there... Make a present check. Test five.

Five. You look about you and you can see that the majority of the people playing the redemption games are people like yourself. They also seem devoid of life. and you see a lot of stamps on a lot of hands. And you are, unfortunately, all of their drinks seem to have been completely depleted, at least in the immediate vicinity. But you do notice that,

and you've confronted, I believe, these characters before, but there were a few, at one cabinet, there are a few patrons of this establishment who are dressed up like ninjas, almost like mall ninjas. And you look at the back of their heads and sort of get a flash before you realize that there's no immediate, without a drink area where you might be able to steal something from like one of the actual kiosks,

you don't have anything immediately available. All right, ball drop game. I'm about to make you my bitch. Let's check this thing out. Did we kill those guys last week? Yeah, I think they did. Yeah, I think they turned to coins. Gary exploded last week.

Oh, yeah, I guess. That is meaningless here, huh? Yeah, it just kind of burns his back and, you know. Yeah, I don't think that happens. I don't remember that. I only put together. I was more worried about the danger, the very real danger of watch.

Why? I was worried about the very real danger of Wachukai. You put a token. A cat would pope kid have to make. And you remember, you remember confronting the ninjas, but whether or not these are the same ninjas at all, the outfits are all very, all very consistent identical, certainly.

And you've seen outfits like these before. You slide a token into the machine and it lights up with its display. The spinning wheel immediately starts flying around and out from the cabinet a ball drops. About a little bit smaller than a baseball and very bouncy. I mean. Jesus. Whatever you'd like me to do to attempt this game. Make an agility test.

Galileo would bring down the mood, Amy. I know. Everybody's bringing down mood a little bit. I'm still on that dinosaur thing that Dunkles was talking about. Do you see that? I think was definitely a dinosaur. Do you just call them Dungles? I said, Noghles in the dinosaur.

I heard Dunkles. I heard Dunkles. Did he? Dundle was a dinosaur. I heard, I didn't hear that. Andy, I don't know. He's getting to me, Gary. He's getting me.

Andy, I got a, what? I got a, I got a whist mail from my doctor's office and they said I should call back immediately, but I did too afraid. Gary, how long was that? I was like a week or so ago. Dude, come on, why? We stole the spotlight from Galilee.

We should talk about his letter. Oh, yeah, Duncles. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. What do you get? 14. Bounce. It starts to flip around, and it almost comes to life and you're like, maybe there's something to hope for, making another agility

test for me. Hope exists. Oh, 20? A crit or just a- No, no, 18 plus two. It bounces again and you watch as it continues to swim around this bowl. You're getting very excited as it almost is continuing to spin around. Make another agility test for it. Oh, take that bouncing ball! Don't get too excited.

With each successful agility test, you would have gone down the ladder of increased value return. But with two successes, you see the ball pocket in one of the green colored pockets and come to rest before it stopped. And ch-d-bid-d-d-d-d-d-ch-ch-ch-chchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchch. We're so good at these tickets.

I placed my hand against the glass and smush my face into it and just say, ball. You've disappointed me just like everything else. But you know that if it had just been a little bit, maybe if you dropped it a little bit more, perhaps given it a spin, that the next one would have been 50, and the one after that would have been 100, and after that, 500.

As you ponder these things, Knuckles, you walk up to the angry, wacky gator. This is actually the cocky crocky. is what is this particular game is called. Well, actually, the cocky crocky is out of order, so I find the spinoff, cracky crap. If you remember one,

oh, cracky crap, I don't know what that was. Where the crowd was a classic, that was a horse. Yeah. So you would go across and you're 100%. But you do find that game. This is always fucking broken. You know that your strength is a huge asset

in being able to smash this machine. And, uh... Go ahead and remove a token and make a strength test from you as you start to engage with the game stuff. 22. 22. Roll again for me. Just make sure that I mark the token. Oh, we're going.

14. Keep going. 15. Keep going. 21. Nice. Okay. 14.

Keep going. 11. You smash and you smash and you smash and they start coming out faster and faster and faster. It gets harder and harder and harder. And by the end, you almost feel like a renowned drummer as you do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- and you make it all the way. Success, success, success. That was four successes. At least. So first would have been zero, five, 50,

100 tickets. Oh, nice. In the redemption zone, these games all share these same characteristics, and you're able to add 100 tickets on your way to a thousand. A tenth of the way. Dunkels is a genuine Phil Collins. What?

I think it might have been five successes. Oh, I think it may have five. Was it five? I feel like it was five. I think it was five. Because I got 22, 21, I got 2.13. I got two 14s. And an 11.

Oh, I mean, it wasn't. It was four. I think it was four. Okay. Someone watched the tapes. Anyway, I'll take four. I'll take four. Tiffany, you walk up to the ski ball machine and-

The ball is almost as big as I am. Yeah, you have to actually crawl up and get up onto the actual, like, a foot of this thing in order to reach into the ball thing. And these are like the size of beach balls for you, very heavy. But you know that with just the right amount of spin, you're able to whip the these things up and maybe make it to the 100. I would like to look around and see if there's anybody

monitoring the games. I got 15. Oh, if there's anyone monitoring the games. You know that many of the areas are under recorded surveillance, but whether or not someone's actively watching you, it's difficult to tell. Looking around, I need you to make a presence test. If a natural success would matter, I got a 15.

Yeah, I was gonna say you definitely got five. Ten. You got five? You got five successes? Zero, 550, 500, 500 tickets. Nice. You have to there. We're going to go, leave we go.

Thank you, Chad. You look around and you're pretty close in to the rest of the gang. So you see as Knuckles is pounding this crab game, you are watching as Galileo seems very sad, just pressing his face against the glass of the machine. But you don't see any management. You don't see any security.

I would like to cheat. Okay. I am 12 inches tall. Yeah. I could fit beneath the plexiglass barrier and just walk the ball up and drop it. A thousand percent. Oh my God.

And cheating is legal. In fact, if you're not cheating, you're trying. You're not cheating. Yeah, if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. May I cheat? Yes. The ball is going to be heavy for me. Yeah.

So I imagine it would be difficult for me to get it into. What are the? The middle slot. What are the, what are the, give me your stats again for strength, agility, presence, and toughness. Strength is nine, agility is 13, presence is 14,

toughness is 10, and manna is 15. Okay, let's make an initial agility test as you start to work your way down and underneath the machine to see if you can literally, myth of Sisyphus this ball up Up the slope of the ski ball machine, just literally gently lift it up and into the cup without being detected.

It would be a 13. 13. That's successful. You watch as the lights go up and you run back for the next ball and you make an additional agility test for me. A seven. A seven. It's not that you get caught.

It's that the surface of the wooden surface is slipperier than you anticipate. And when you are unable, when you slip, the ball actually takes you with it and into and under and through the machine. And when by the time you come out, you've been, you're fine, you aren't hurt, but you've crunched through the gears in such a way

that the machine stops out putting altogether. By merit of having cheated, it thinks it's self-broken and it displays the words tilt on the surface and distributes no tokens. Tickets. Or tickets. I'll look at it and nod my head

and then I'll just go over and stare up at the tickets or like I don't really want to go to the movie, I don't think. And I just want to get my friends the tickets. And so I'll look at like all of the things that are on offer and just kind of window shop. My friends continue to get there. Oh, you might look over at the really glorious, heavenly prize counter that lives in the center

of this arcade floor. The number of times you've been here, you know that it's worked by only one man, a man named Lenny. And it glows. It's like a crystal in the middle of the ocean. What does Lenny look like? He looks like death from the seventh sea.

Yes. What is that? What I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about. That's not an exaggeration. Picture a bald man wearing a very thick black turtleneck. He's extremely pale. He has sunken deep patches underneath his eyes.

He looks grim all of the time. He looks like death. He also kind of looks like the food reviewer for Ratatouille, which is waves away from coming down. Yeah, he looks like Anton Vigo. But he's very nice. Yeah, I'll just look up and be like, oh my God, Lenny, you're looking really good today.

And then I'm just going to look up at the stuff. I'm not even going to try and make small talk with him. Thank you. I had my hair done. Gary, Andy, you are walking over to the coin dozer, as it's known. Okay. Okay, Gary, this is what I'm thinking. We've got to figure out how many tokens the coin dozer will take.

And then I think what I need to do is save my last token. My last token for the tower of power two. Risk it all on the last token. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But let's see if we can win some tokens from the coin dozer first. What do you think? Reasonable?

Let's do it. Coin dozer. Coin dozer. Here we go. We proceed. Go ahead and remove a token from your inventory. And this one works a little more differently. You watch as the token just falls.

drops down three different levels. You're hoping that it collides with the large cache of coin. It's literally teetering on the edge. Come on. Come on. You know. You know two things. One, that the tilt feature of this to knock into the machine is very sensitive. And an alarm would go off because of how many times people have endeavored to do that.

Additionally, you know that the, this is a game of pure chance. so I need you to roll 3D6 Yeah, one after the other Rolls at the same time One after the other Okay Well, you'll get your own chance I got a three

Three, it lands on the top shelf And stops You may roll no more Wait, that can't be it I gotta try again Yeah, you gotta try again Yeah, you gotta try again This machine is more stuck

than Jar Jar Jar Beaks's tug after I'm through it I put another I put another token in it but I got a recoil After I hear Gary said again Yeah I told you not to bring up that stupid thing. Ah, I can't stop thinking about it.

Six. Wow, it clinks in a couple of the coins, including the one that just dropped, dropped to the second shelf, and starts to look like what might be an avalanche. I need to roll another D6 format. Two. No.

They get pushed forward and they stack up like this just on the lip. I fucking hated those. And then you watch as the dozer back and forth, forth, it seems to have reached the terminus of its motion, and none of the coins continue to push forward. It's like to find physics, Gary. How is it possible?

Do I know how many tokens the Tower of Power two takes? Tower of Power takes one token, and then you roll the 3D20 like I just- Okay, all right, all right. But this game is actually more likely. Look at this thing, look at this thing. Yeah, maybe you go. I won't even be mad if you win all of it.

I'm gonna win it. Don't worry, I'll be good for this game. All right, here we go. Okay, I know how to tie, but okay. Okay. We're both, our faces are not touching the glass, but we're like right there. Are you doing the coin dozer?

No, we're still doing the tone. Coinders. He's just going next because I want him to win. Okay, okay. Three. It lands on the top shelf and comes to a stop. Okay, that was a fluke. Again, again, one more, you're setting it up.

Now you hit that one, they're gonna fall, they're gonna fall, and they're gonna fall. Okay, do it. Do it, another turn. Go, go, go. Okay. A four. Four?

It lands on, and unbelievably, it lands on top of the one that just landed and stays on that top shelf. Son of a gun! I have a good to think about this next word. One more. One more. Look at how close it is.

Look at how close it is. Look at how close it is. I gotta get, for it. Yep, me too. Me too, Gary. Come. Maybe a one. Okay, it lands and hits the first top two token

that you just hit. You managed to time it in such a way that the arm that's swinging back and forth at the top has released this coin into the actual cascading waterfall of potential token. It lands, and then two fall down, and then four of those push into eight and then push down and again into the next one

to the actual like bounty at the bottom. It finally reaches that bottom shelf. And the, the, push forward. And you watch as they swim out like the tide, like the beautiful tide and the arms push forward. And everything comes to rest. What's?

Impossible. It's floating on air. Look at it. It floating on air. There's a clear thing there. I think there's, Annie, I got to go. Okay.

You go again and now I got one more. That means that when we get it, it's going to be a bigger payoff. How many tell you have you spent out of the other? I spent three, I got six left. Okay, make sure you keep track, 17. Yep, yep, yep. Okay, we go.

All three. Three, it lands and it lands in that exact same spot where the other two just got pushed over. It's clear, there's nothing, there's nothing to push it over. Come on. A five! It lands, and it pushes, it actually lands flat behind the one that just landed flat, which pushes over that one, it flips over one,

It flips over once and lands on the second shelf and then stops. This is bad odds. You've got four tokens left. I got four tokens left. Should I go one more time? You try. Okay, I'm on it.

But I'm saving my last coin for the power to town two. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. Three. It rolls forward, it rolls forward. And this one, it doesn't actually fall onto its, onto its back. It rolls down, it rolls down, it rolls down,

but without disturbing any of the, other coin, shockingly, the one token goes all the way down into the abyss and one ticket comes out. I turn one ticket off. When you do, I need to make an agility test. Actually, you need 2,000. I got a 16 on my agility test. You're able to, without ripping it in half, you're able to pull one ticket free from the machine.

That would have a permit. Gary, I think this is the most expensive ticket in all of the local. We only got 1,990 more tickets. Okay, all right. I'll just mark this one down. All right, 1,999 tickets left. I have to save my last one for the Tower Power, too. I have three left.

Do you want to just, I mean, like, what are the chances that it doesn't happen? I feel like I'm overdue for a big one. You are. You are, you have to be. I got it. You have to be. Come on, I believe in you.

I believe in you. I believe in you. Andy, you believe in me like, Quack God Jinn believe in young Anakin Skowler in the Boothiee classic with his potraiser. I do, I do. Clink, all of a sudden, 10 coins start to caress themselves down to the second shelf

and you watch as this showering waterfall begins to unleash. I imagine that if this was animated, we would watch the cascade and it would freeze as we wait to see what the next roll is. And we're like, oh. I need to see another six. This is going to happen. Come on, come on.

Up to. Let's do. Ah! The second shelf actually does release, and all of a sudden, a beautiful display of gold and shining mirroring lights fly down before your eyes as it hits that larger, massive. There must be hundreds of tokens on the lowest shelf.

And yet it absorbs them like it's nothing. How many more do I have left left, Andy? Can you count these? I think you got, I think you have two tokens. If you left, I have you left, yeah. Gotta say one for the tower power. Okay, this is the one. This is the one, Gary.

A two. Just like always, the top shelf, once it clears, and drops down into the second and third shelf, it's almost laughable. The coin hits, rotates a few times, and wab-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-cum comes to red. How do we lose nine tokens in like 10 seconds? Andy.

We got a token. We got one ticket. I feel like this is the next big one. But that's your last token. That's the power. Tower token. I don't need a power tower. Okay. Look at that down to the coins. Yeah, I mean, look at that how many coins we add it. I mean, that's good. He's dude. I do. I do. I'm new. I'm new. I'm little hot, Andy. And I feel like, listen, listen, I, I'm overdue for a win. I think I read

somewhere that most gamblers stop. Stop right before they know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is it. This is the one. Come on, Gary. Andy, if we witness, then we're home, man. I think we can go to Tahiti. I think we can go to Disney World. We can go to Disney World. Yeah, I mean, the big millennium celebration is coming up at Epcot. Oh, oh! It's gonna be a thing. Okay, all right, we do this.

Yeah, it's gonna be great. This is it. Yeah, this is it. I believe in this. I believe in this too. It's gonna happen. But yeah, it's gonna happen. That's right.

My last coin. The coin falls, rolls, it hits over, and the dozer pushes it. You watch as it puts it. pushes forward a tall stack of coins that are all just one, almost a tower of them, those actually collapse and push over into another tower, which spills over like dominoes,

one after the other, which caresses and creates almost a river of coins that swims down the right side and lands into the bottom shelf. You watch as the shelf pushes them, pushes them forward. This bulk, this massive, this massive, bulk of coins are to push forward onto what feels like an invisible shelf.

No. And one coin clink drops down. The ticket pops out of the 1,900. 98 tickets. Okay, I'm gonna go and grab it. Make an agility test. This man knows how these games were. Gary, just be careful with the tickets. A ten, eleven. You rip a nap. No. It's so difficult to get one ticket out of those fucking things. Gary, I could have grabbed it for you. Gary, I could have grabbed it for you. They're not gonna take it to two pieces.

1,999. I'll like reach a word. I'll intend to this lodge the remaining half. Yeah. And just like hold the two pieces like forlornly. Just keep both halves. Half to them. Okay, well, I guess the only thing we'll have to do

is go to the Tower of Power 2. I can't believe that happens. I'm gonna cast a lightning store about it. What? Half fucking thing. This shit's ridge. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna channel into my Eldridge sphere or something,

I can't remember. I'm gonna use the power of Y2K! You start to make your way towards the Tower of Power, too. As you do, Galileo, you're still staring into the pocketball. game. Sort of listening to the crowd around you. Everything is just swimming in all directions when you look in the reflection of that glass and you see a tall figure, a man, surrounded by a massive rig of computers and wires and cameras on one shoulder, camera facing him, a keyboard to one side. And you hear, hey everybody, listen up, chat.

It looks like it's the tutorial level. And you clearly recognize the voice of the streamer gamer who's indicated that his name is No Scope 1. Oh. Is he looking at me? He's looking at you. You're going to play again? Or do you want me to show you how it's done?

Oh, no. No, hey, I'll show you how it's done, okay? You're probably not even good at this a little bit. I'm good at every game, every game that's in here. I'm just here so that I can cash in on another thousand tickets, and then maybe I'll go back to the prize counter. Talk to Lenny. Pick something up for myself.

Oh, I bet you'd like that. Just pick something else up, huh? Well, fine. Why don't you go ahead. We'll see how good you are out of. He walks forward and you see the lightning shiriken hanging from his belt. Is it within... Is he walk up?

I mean, it's called like covered in electronics, right? I mean, like, how guarded is it? He seems to only be by himself with the monitor displays and cameras and everything. And remember, this is 1999. It's May 14th. And 823 at this point, probably. And cameras are fucking massive.

They don't even have like- He's weighed down. There's no possible way he's agile. I guess they might have just gotten up to Super DV tapes, but these are VHS. Yeah. They're absolutely massive. There's no such thing as Twitch streaming,

but I'm just gonna lean into the anachronism. And he's talking to his camera and just sort of being like, yeah, yeah, chat, check this out, check this out, check this out, watch the skills, watch the skills, watch the skills, watch the skills. He slides in token and you can see that next to the shuriken, there's also this massive pouch. a fat sack of coin that is clearly not just, you know, a few dozen, but a hundreds of coins

that he's using to play like every arcade game that he could possibly touch. The second he's distracted at rob him. I try to rob him. I try rob him while he's got, and his, my lighting shirkin. And the lighting shirkin number one. He pushes the token in, and I need you to choose one of the other as you reach in to swipe either the bag of tokens or the lightning shirt. Oh, a lightning shirt.

Do we, like, does this alert us? Do we know this is happening? Like, if I was staring up at the- I would say that you, of all of the people, and Knuckles to another extent, are, you just finished your sort of initial bout with your games and are looking around, sort of am I gonna play again, and we're at my friends.

It's always that moment of check-in where you're sort of getting aware of the space. You see that Gary and Andy are on their way looking a little strange towards the Tower of Power. The depression sets in all around. And you see this exchange happening in real time as Galileo reaches in. This is not gonna be as easy as a 12,

but I need you to make an agility check as- You said the DR bro. You're the game master. As you reach in. Bro, the jam, bra. There's a jam, bra. Oh, Reggie. Like, it was a pervert boss.

Man, I would have walked away. Yeah. I miss that guy. You, you reach forward, and he immediately backs up before he even is able to drop the ball into the redemption game that you just played. He's holding it. And he looks at you, he's like, what the fuck, bro? There's on me. I can see everything.

I have a full 360 degrees. No way, you can't throw the ball. You reaching for my coin. Are you reaching for my jerkin? No, wouldn't it? No! You want to throw down? You want to throw down right now?

Oh, I bet you wish you is thrown out. The only game we play here at the local cheese, I'll take everything you've got, including your pride. I'll take everything you got, including your life. He backs up and you both start circling each other around the in the game, of course, around the circular thing. And you all, all of you hear this. I would say that you start to hear this command.

just as you reach the Tower of Power, and it's your choice whether or not you pull away and start to engage with this moment, or if you're gonna slot a token. No, the moment that Galileo is getting in a scrap, we have is back. So I'm close. We begin to walk over with brisk speed

towards Galileo to make sure everything's okay. You turn and all of you start to gaff and gather your tickets and what remains of your beard. You race forward to see Galileo and this strange man covered in cameras, this massive, camera rate. A huge, heavy, bulking thing to circle each other. You gonna go? You gonna go? Hey, chat, you want to, you want you, you want me to watch me make a mess of this guy? I don't even

know if he has any pride. Oh, oh, God pride. I promise it's here. Hey, what's going on over here, man? Oh, Andy, good. We gotta beat this guy up. This guy tried to take my shiriken, he tried to steal my coin. I got it on camera. I watched the whole thing from start to finish. You're not proof. You don't have proof. You're not proof. You're I won this to, there was a news segment about me. I'm mildly celebrity around here. I've got a huge audience.

I've got a huge audience. I got thousands of people watching me right now, right now. They sponsored this whole thing. Then what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? You're going to accuse him to steal?

What are you going to do about it? You're going to back, it's mine. We don't have to wait for security to get here. Let's throw down right now. And he pulls out a few controllers from like a console side of thing. and he starts who, starts whipping it over his head. I need everyone to roll for initiative.

Yeah! The initiative is a D6 plus your jelly modifier. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You all watch as this strangely rigged man starts to swing his, this pair of controllers over his head like a bolo. He clearly has his eyes set on your good friend Galileo.

And he says, chat, check this out. You know I'm no scope one, and I'm way, way, ahead of my time, which is why I'm named No Scope One, because there's probably gonna be 360 of these in about five years. That's really what I. And he asked them, let me see some of those gifted subs. And all of a sudden, popping up next to you

are what looked like almost digital information just scattering all around you as literal chat mem messages and pop-ups, almost like if you're familiar with it, AOL instant messenger. Brum-P-P-Rum-P-Rum-P-Rum. Can you do the door sound? Yeah. Thank you.

As these summoned spirits from some internet, from the hyper-riff. From the hybrid. It's definitely a grid runner from the future. Start to appear all around you. I hate these guys. But I need everyone to roll for initiative. I got four.

I don't know how you want to do it, but we can shout them out that way. Yeah, four. Andy got a four. Six. Galileo beat Andy. Six. I got a two, so I'm probably at the end.

I also got a two. Knuckles and Tiffany, then Nichols. I got three. After any. And then wherever our... So Galileo and Andy, you are quick on the draw, you are going to be able to act faster than No Scope One and his Legion of Chat, Galileo,

at the top of the round, right out of the gate. Something springs within you and unfurled as you enter this battle. You think you could... What do you mean? Oh, fuck, man. What the hell are we doing here? I love Bob Seeger.

How much of that cost? and steam, like 10 bucks with that 13 games? Sure, I can. I'm gonna lock you up in a, I kinda know what I'm doing. I'll move over here, I'll shoot him with my Nerf gun. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I believe that's an agility, that's an agility test. No, I didn't, yeah. You roll a D-20 test at your presence. You're looking for generally a 12 or better, but we don't know what the DR is on this. I got a six. So keep in mind you also have your bonuses, you have extra bonuses, you have a sniper.

Minus 2 DR on range of attacks. Yeah, so you tell him what you got and that whatever the DR is minus two because he's got sniper. Minus two on the DR? Yes. If it was 12, it'd be 10 instead. The DR would be 10, but you roll the 6.

So you duck down and you fire once, but the speed of his spinning controllers is so great that the Nerf dart has batted away instantly, Classic. This guy sucks. Andy, you're up. I will draw my mall katana as if from nowhere. As a video game watching, I just pull out on a nail, Maul Katana.

But I shout, all right, guys, we got to back up Galileo. Come on, let's do this. And I'm going to use my feature, follow me. So once per combat, I'm going to roll a D4, and then everybody will be able to add or subtract that total to any one die roll during this combat. Meaning if someone's trying to hit you, right? you could subtract it, add whatever you want. And I got a one.

So you all add one or subtract one from a roll over the course of this combat. You all got that. That's my action for the turn. And I'm prepared to defend myself against enemy number two. Okay. It's his turn.

The gamer, streamer, no scope one, is going to race forward and get all up in your face. And I need you to dodge, which I believe, is just a agility test. Yes, you make a test. You'll do agility, and then you'll tell them what you rolled, and then hopefully you beat the DR.

4. 4 does not meet the DR, and you have, you are slashed by this cable as it smashes into you. You take four points of each of damage as you smacks into. Minus two, so I'll take two points. This is gonna be too easy, chat, too easy. Come on, let's go.

And I'm gonna roll a D8 for number one, which is the one that is on Galileo. That's going to be, this chat essence surrounds you, and you're gonna have negative two on your next roll. Oh, Jesus. Galileo. And the number two is going to make the same kind of thing. It can't be true, it can't be true.

On me? That's correct. You need to dodge. Oh. As it screams raid, raid, raid over and over and over. I got a natural 20, so I can make a counterattack. I love that. So what would have been G2 damage coming, swinging in on you,

you are immediately prepared for and you slash up and make a counter attack. Do our drinks affect damage or anything? Only if you get to three or more. Oh, shucks. That is going to be a... What's your Drake War, guys? 15 to hit. 15 hits?

Five points of slashing damage with my market on. You slash through and this pop-up slices in half and disappears into zeros and ones, destroying that minion instantly. Number three is going to do the exact same thing. I need you to make a dodge knuckles. Bad. Four.

You take one HP damage. as they continue to scream, raid, raid, and you can feel- Oh, but I reduce it, right? I'm good. You're good. Yeah, you have armor. That's going to- Ignoring these spirits.

I'm just trying to get these fucking tokens. Number four is going to be on Gary, and that's going to be- Bring it off! Absolutely. I got half a ticket on that. It's, you watch as the panel sort of like watches everything. You can see screenshots and clips of the entire fight

from different angles, all the different cameras that exist on the gamer, streamer's shoulders, but it doesn't do anything just yet. Number five on Tiffany is going to do another gifted sub, negative two to your next role, Tiffany. Gary, you are up. Do I have a negative two? No, yours, it seems to be observing for whatever reason.

You're not sure exactly why. Yeah, that's the biggest mistake you're gonna make, the loser. What are you doing? Oh, sorry. I look. I'll keep that role, though. I think it's a great role to keep.

Because I was thinking about it. I think it's a great role to keep. I look. He did look at the role. And I'll say, man in the future, I really hope I'm going to beat you in his submission to say, you tell me if George R. Martin will pick up his pace,

I can't wait two years in between books. That's the series going to finish 2004. That's a good. That's very funny. That was good. I cast lightnings. three damage to all enemies. You do three damage to every enemy in the entire region.

Every single enemy. You shred as you think of how long you're going to have to wait for the next book of the Song of Ice or Fire. You watch as all of the minions that are supporting Gamer, Streamer, No Scope 1 are disintegrated by this incredible electrical burst. burst, and he takes that three damage as well. And you see that it weakens him considerably. Tiffany, you're, unless you want to do anything else. No, no, that's it. Tiffany, you're up.

Can I share a space? Tell me future man. With Galileo because I am. Sure, why not? Oh, to sit. Yeah, all out. I'll step between his legs and I like totally thought you're really cool, but now you just kind of suck.

And I'm gonna open my plastic mouth and spadass it all over. Like the Dolophosaurus in Jurassic Park, your hair swipped out in both directions creating this insane cap low as you spit acid into Nostok 1's ball of face. I want to like all over his tech specifically. I think that you just rolled a hit, correct? Yeah, yeah.

Choose an enemy and make a DR 12, or DR 12 manate test. 14 plus 2 minus 2. Still 14? 14. You beat about 2. 14 meets the DR, which means now I suffer the effects. Yeah, if the target isn't wearing armor, they take a D10.

If they are, they take a D6 damage and their armor is reduced by one level. He's wearing his rig, which counts his armor. Okay, so he's gonna take a D6. And then his armor is reduced by one. So he's gonna take three. Down to the next tier. So it's a D6 to be D4. D4 is gonna become a D2.

Okay. And then if it goes from a D6, Keep it up, Tiffany. To the next level, it's destroyed. He loses his arm. Yep, that makes sense. Tiffany. So it's a three.

Good fucking play. Three damage. Three amounts of damage. Okay, you do three damage to him and you watch as his rig melts underneath your acidic regurgitation as you cover him. Oh, gross, Chad, what the fuck?

That was sick. Knuckles, you're up. Can I play arcade game as an action? Yeah. Why not? Absolutely. Yeah, if you want to do. If you want to put another token in the machine

and ignore what's happening, you can just literally make the same agility text, the strengths tests that you want to. See if you could get more tickets. That was, I hope you guys got this because I'm on a generation of one. We are, we are. I'm not gonna miss a single crab crash.

Shout back to you. No, Gary and I spent nine tokens and we got one ticket and two halves of a ticket. Oh, you got one? And I'm gonna try to crack some cracks. You can hear as it clinks inside of the machine and activates and all of a sudden the crab start jutting out faster and faster.

19. That's one. 20. That's two. 15. That's three. 10. Damn. That's the good. That's one. 50 tickets spill out of the machine. Chung, chung, chung, chung, chung. I didn't mean my call on that in the game.

Yeah, I got one token lift. I'm saving for power. I'm going to do that and be like, oh man, I, the crabs are getting kind of sticky because I've been whacking them so hard, and I'm gonna run over to the spin-on. Spinoff version. Yeah, the pocketball. The third spinoff. So obviously, there's a silly game.

Wacky, wacky. Wacky caters was out of service. Cracky crab didn't serve me as well, so I'm going to run up to Dino Blank. I don't know what Dino Box are you! And instead, it's very dinosaur themed. Sure. You see T-Rexes and cavemen on the cabinet.

And there are Degerdat. There are dinosaurs that are coming out, but I notice the shape of their skull. And I look up and I see, the frill coming out the back of these dinosaurs, and I'll look at it and I'll say, I don't like that.

I don't like that very much indeed, and that'll be my turn. Rage. It's the top of the round, but because of the fact that there are no chats in play, I'm gonna roll a quick die here. Okay, two additional chat minions show up

You see the gamer streamer yelled, Chad, back me up! And let's put one on Galileo-Layor slash Tiffany and one on you, Andy. My God. Cheater, cheater, cheater, pumpkin eat her. Because you were very effective. Actually, on Gary, my apologies.

Gary was the one who actually obliterated everyone. He cast a lightning storm. For sure. But as these chat pop-ups start to re-emerge Galileo, you're able to take the initiative. What do you do? Tom's running out, noob guy. Uh, I'll just shoot him around the face.

Again, with my Nerf gun. You raise your Nerf gun up and you attempt to shoot him in the face. Oh, that's... Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. Because I'm a minus two. No, was it only for that one?

Was this... This is my next roll? Oh, you haven't rolled yet. I thought you've got to be... So wait, what did you get? I rolled a 9. Oh. Even with plus 2, it would be 11.

And then I got a minus 2, so it's just a 9. Oh, shit. Everybody has plus one, don't forget. If you're close, just remember. Oh, so you'd be 10, and his ACs drop by one, but it's still not enough. The armor only matters for damage. No, it only, yeah.

Oh, yeah, his DR is, it remains the same. You're right. You fire, and your game is just... Wait, you got a 9? You needed a 10 to hit him, right? What's your agility? What's his... His D. His D.R. is reduced by 2.

Oh, no, but I use presents. I use presents to shoot with the Nerf gun. His D.R. is reduced by 2, which means. it's a 10. You roll in 9? Plus 10, but then minus 2. Because of the... So it gives to 8. 8. Okay. If you have 9, you get out plus 1. Yeah. But if you go to 8, you

can't. That's right. Sorry, I was trying to make sure. Yeah. No, I miss. I still miss. Uh, No Scope 1 watches as the dark sails past him, and he laughs hard. Chat, clip that, clip that, clip that. Andy, you're up.

He said he clipball. Gary, you got that chat box. I'm moving on. One, two, three, four. And I would like to attempt to vault over the cabinet to land behind him. Oh, because your movement is quite enough. Yes, I can't get all the way around. I would like to attempt to vault over the...

It's not going to be hugely hard. You're familiar with these cabinets after the many, many weeks and months that you've been coming here so frequently. So just making a low DR agility test for me. I got a natural 19 plus 1 is 20. Easy. You're able to slide across it like Martin McFly slides across the hood of the DeLorean. And as I land, I tend to slashing with my katana from behind. Ooh, I got a nine. The DR is minus two to hit him. I got a nine. You got a nine? He, oh, the DR is...

Minus two because I'm using a sword. So he's at 10. So I missed by one and I cannot use follow me for myself. It's only my allies. So I miss. When you slash in, you hit a back. battery pack and it doesn't, yeah, it just clings like, all of a sudden it's his turn and the, he's going to continue to swing those cables of the controllers all around him. There are two, three, four controllers at the end of these cores and he flips them around.

I need everyone within a square of him to make a Dodge right now. All right, here we go. Oh, gosh. How do you do it? You will roll a D20 and add your agility. Oh God, he doesn't have the Wimoot strap on. Is your strap on tight?

Is your strap on tight? Is your strap on tight? I do not pass. 15, miraculously. And a DR's 12? 19. So I'm the only one who fails. Everybody else pass.

16. You're gonna take the maximum damage, which is five. As five HP hits you. It misses, everyone else sees this coming and ducks or isn't tall enough to be hit. And instead, you just get smashed right in the side of the face. A massive clobber. It's almost like if someone were to take like three or four

and 64 controllers and actually hit your trash. How much terms was it? Five. I reduced it by my maximum four. Wow. So I still like the clobbered in the face and like my eye probably is a little bruised. But I don't take one point of damage.

Well done. The number, who. Thank goodness. I need to roll a D8 here. Number one is going to, I'm gonna be aware of that. That's an effect. And the next one on Gary, I need you to dodge the R12. Oh, I think that's a one.

That's a fumble. You're taking double damage. Oh, you take double damage. You fumbled to Nattie 1 on defense. And your armor, tears reduced by 1. Thank goodness I brought my baggie B. You experience. You lose one drink.

You lose that. Until next year. You got, you got stagged. You're like sobered up. There's almost like a static or electrical charge that runs through you and you get stunned for a moment as the same kind of lightning attack that you hit chat with just now seems to course

through your body as you take four damage. From the raid that happened. Is the four doubled? Is that? No, no, that I already doubled it. It was two to four. So then whatever your armor is, after the reduction, you roll to reduce.

Minutes six. Well, it can't be because your armor has to be reduced by one. So it's gotta be a four now. I'm sorry, so I'm sorry. Cheater. Publicity here. Produced by one. See what take three.

It gets tangled up a little bit by popular shirt. You like, you like can't move as well, like you trip over the shirt, you like step up the shirt. Not the shirt. It's super open sides. It's so big. It's so. It rips.

It rips. loses the protection. But Gary, you are... I just bought this. Even though you fall on your shirt, it is your turn to act. How many times I'll have to teach you a lesson for the future?

You brought a bunch of losers, a bunch of techno future shades to a lightning wizard battle. And I start breakdancing. This is going to be a really great. movie that's going to change the world. And I mean, attack on the clothes. Man, that Georgia lollipop.

I'm going to suck along that so sensitive. You don't need to say these things. Jarger's going to be the most legendary character of all time that everybody loves. Oh gosh. Wait, do I buy this in a nothing? I just barely hit it. You got it as well.

I got a 12. Okay. Okay. Four damage to all enemies. All enemies again, you're doing more man. He's got as possible he does. That's right. There's this massive arc blast.

It looks like the explosion when Neo Tokyo is destroyed in Akira as all of a sudden everyone is hit. That includes our boy, no scope one, right? Yeah, that's correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But his armor gets to reduce that, correct? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

But his armor is reduced from ever was. So after four, he's at two. Yes. I feel something like a glimpse from the future. And I think, well, there's no way he's going to take that long to ride him. That's very funny. But, and then I say, hey,

idiot, may all your controllers experience stick drift. Oh! The ultimate curse. Oh, yeah. You got them, Gary. Make a presence test.

13. You're a 13. He's tilted. You're in his head. He has... He's tilted. He silts him. Keep track-talking him. The flip of this would be that attacks against him. No, no, his DR would reduce. You reduce his DR to 10 until the start of your next turn.

There we go. Let's go. As he's like, what? What? Chat, chat. Don't clip that. Don't ignore that. Ignore that. Yeah, clip it. Tiffany, you're up. I'm gonna look up at him.

Excuse me, can you look down here for a second? You threw up on- Oh, gross. Got him. He's fucking armor. Got him. Go ahead and roll to throw up on a man. Oh, you got it.

About 14. 14 hits. And so. His armor breaks? He's a D6. It's gonna take one point of acid damage, but it does reduce his armor by one level. Yeah, he's got no armor.

It's destroyed. I'm honestly shocked in a pole, but you're heaving gloves of it. A sick. How much sandwiches you take? Water. One. Oh, God.

Yeah, like, I mean, look, the thing is, the Isle Nine Tiffany's were recalled, but like they're still selling us. Why would they recall? That's badass. Because like apparently kids are dying or something. Oh, jeez. He gets hit and the carabiners, the straps, the Velcro, the clips, everything that's holding his camera rig collapses and falls to the ground.

He's exposed. And you realize how heavy this rig is. Oh, no, God. He's rock-leying. We're about to get Rockley's. to get locked leased. Oh, no. And it lands, it's like a scene from alien.

It sizzles and hisses and pops with acidic urgency. As he lifts up, you just connected me from my stream. Yeah, your 15 minutes of fame are over. Oh, the controller. And he's like, the only thing that's over is you. You were just beat by a girl. Oh. You say beat by a girl.

You say beat, but he looks imposing. Knuckles, you're up. What is his DR currently to hit? We knew before this just happened, it was 10. And it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was until the beginning. Is that permanent? You don't know off his face, Rockley.

No, the armor being broken. Damage and their armor is reduced by one level. The DR reduction. Is that permanent? You gave that to Mike. You gave that to my ear reduction for the whole round because he was tilted. Oh, that's right.

Oh. The, the armor does. not affect D.R. Thank you. It just affects D.R. His armor is now zero. He'll just take full edge. He's gained a new pool of health points, but in addition to unlocking his new abilities, he's still tilted, and you can see that he's enraged.

So his D.R. is 10. You look over and Knuckles looks enraged. I'm looking. Dow, do you see this? Do you see this? This game is called Dino Ball. And clearly, these are synapsis from the early Permian. Oh, Knuckles, come on, man. Dinnell Borg.

Dino Bonds! And I rip out the foam mallet that is in this game, and I use my ability. It says right here, my character is a proto-mammal bong. When I melee range, I bonk an opponent with a foam hammer from the proto-mammal game. I reduce the DR to hit them by minus two. That does so. For the combat, I can't use it again until I consume a large amount of alcohol.

Okay. And so I just do that. I know, you know, Gary, with the C.R.K. This guy with the dinosaurs again. years about Sukhibibis. If he has any, like, anything that, like, has any kind of tech left at all, I try to smash it or just, like, get him off of this game to make it easier to hit. Do I have to roll anything? I don't think so.

I mean, it's just beer belt, is what I'm doing. I'm just flavoring in his proto-mammal bomb. No, you just, as long as it doesn't say you have to make a DR test, you basically get to stun him, stagger him. And he gets an additional minus two to his DR for the rest of the content. So we drop it all the way down to eight as we reach the top of the round. He doesn't have his rig anymore. He doesn't have his chat anymore.

There are no minions. This is just a raw fight against a hulking, raging, rage quitting gamer. I think, great job, Knuckles. I think anybody with him who's so reduced, I think anyone can do it and can give him the business, but unfortunately, mace is rolling for Galileo. So I think there's still not a fucking chance.

No, he can do it. Gary, don't say that. Galilei! Give him the business! No, he's got a mess. He's got a whole new health pool, Gary. Come on. There we go.

15. That hits. Wow. So now you're all your damage? I'm shocked. It's been so long. I forgot. One.

But he takes full damage. That's the good news. One. He can't reduce it. He does? He takes all one point of damage as the Nerf gun harmlessly hits his shoulder and bounces off. Andy, you're up.

You can also add one to your damage if you want it to any point. The one is any roll. So if you wanted that, though. No, I didn't, I didn't cash him. No, I didn't cash in. Nobody's cached in yet. I'm not going to catch him on damage. And you're, and you're, as you are doing this,

you are firing against him. It's hard, it's been hard to hit him because you see the shuriken that's still hanging from his belt and he's not using it. And that question mark has been distracting as Andy leans in for the attack. So he's at eight currently. I give him another minus two

because I'm using a sword, so he's a six for me. Yep. Thank God, because I got a six. Oh my God. And I will just hit him. Yep. Incredible. Six points of damage.

Oh, pretty nice. He takes the full amount. This is going to be. I'm running out of ink in this pen, and now it's his term, and all he has is punch. He's got bird arms, we're okay. We're fine. We're fine. I feel like Tiffany's about to get punched in the face.

But with his weight rig being what it is. He's a hungry skeleton. He just has to choose. He just has to choose. He just has to choose. The person who's done the worst thing to him is take his audience away. And so Tiffany, I needed to dodge this punch as he puts both hands together

and slams down in one massive punch. A 20. It's good. It's good enough. No, no, 19 plus one. Oh, damn. You dart back in between Galileo's legs. His hands.

and smash into the ground, cracking the linoleum tile floor of this arcade space, and nearly smashing into Galileo's foot, but he is unable to actually crush it. Get good scrub. I got him. Oh, that hurts. Gary, you're up. Nice one, Tiffany.

Wait me. Wait me. Yeah? I'm gonna do it. You're, you, you, you, you, you, you, Future man. You were you and me. When we said

that we were going to end your life, we didn't meet in the game. Neither did I. And I cast bolt. And it's only a DR6. So I got a, wait, I got a 10. Man it's. He takes, wait, is that explode?

No, it doesn't. No, because you're not drunk. We're not drunk. Oh, fuck! None of us were able to get the three drinks before the fight. Four points of damage. He takes four points of damage. How do you want to do this?

I whip out. I roll out and roll out around. My Maggie Big Dog shirt is blowing in the breeze. It's shredded a little bit, it's torn. I reach into my pockets, one left, right hand, and I pull out each half of the ticket. And I flee them, flea them. They swirl around and come.

Come together cutting off his hand, gruesomelly. Oh, ha ha. Oh, ha. You cut off his hand. His head. His head. I can't believe we were just saying. Grusomely.

Don't forget the gruesomelly. Grusibly. And you do this and just before his head leaves his body, he looks at you and he's like, I just wanted to see the prequels, I just wanted to earn the tickets for the night's premier tickets. Looks like you just got murder moments.

He grabs your chest. He grabs your chest as he pulls you in. And just before he expires and his head finally pops and his spine is fine. He whispers into your ear what's gonna happen with the sequels, Future Man style. And then he expires and you watch his head, he rolls down.

as you were given this Eldrich knowledge of the future. Surely, George, when he's interested in his own story. Can I touch him, resurrect him so that Gary could kill him again? Technically, yeah, if you wanted to. Technically, yes. His body rolls down to the floor, and you watch as he suddenly, like all dead bodies in the local cheese,

erupts into a massive amount of tokens, tickets, and a lightning shiriken. But before you reach in, I need Gary to you to roll for me. Seven books, that's impossible. I need to roll a D6. There's only a storm of swords and dancing dragons at the winds of Witten left.

Sure, surely he would have lost interest in his magnumopus. There's no way. What do I gotta do? Roll a D6. A one. You get one token. We need to roll a D20. I got a D8 there.

That's six. You get six tickets. And as those are soaked up around you, you see the lightning shiriken there in front of you, Galileo, and you're able to grasp it and put it in your hand. It crackles with energy. Oh, yeah! As you feel whole again in a way that you haven't felt in a long time,

a long, long time. Bro, that is sick! Oh, this is shock what I needed! Wow! Yeah. Okay. Oh, I mean, it's not as cool as Cloud Buster Sword that I got. Oh, it's pretty cool.

Two material slots, but man, that's actually cool gap. This is mine, man. Thanks for cutting his head off. I mean, surely. Your way is a ghost, man. Surely we won't hit the milestone of we need for the... Oh, gosh. You're like 50.

You're not upset about this guy, are you? There's no way the sixth book would be 15 years late. And then the weight for the... from the fifth to the sixth book would be longer than all the previous books could buy. Surely. Surely if there's no way that comes out. Does anybody know what he's talking about? I don't know books or something?

You kept calling, like, a future man. I mean, are you saying that that guy was from the future? He just spoiled you on what happens in your favorite book series? Like, he's done. He's got to be done by now, right? You, like, totally don't need to worry about that because if he were from the future, he wouldn't have been able to die right then because he would have known what was going to happen. Yeah, he wouldn't have put the fight with us.

Tiffany's right. You're right. Whatever he told you. Like, whatever he said was a lie. Yeah. Maybe so, Tiffany. Maybe so. I mean, like, what kind of loser takes 15 years for in a buck?

Maybe so. Back to balking. You look over and you look at the camera rig, half dissolved. Monitors, keyboards, batteries, wires, and a single red light. on one of the cameras facing up and pointing towards the group of you as you deal with the events that have just transpired over the last few seconds, minutes. And suddenly from one of the speakers, the headphones set, you hear a voice. Galileo.

I have finally found you here at the local cheese. This is not the Pope. Like the actual Catholic Pope? I'm not the fucking Pope. I got to put my mom, hold on. This is not the Pope. Ma, you're never going to believe this. He's saying it's not the Pope.

I'm not the Pope, though. I'm the one who killed your master. Master Thor? And now that I found you, I can finally kill you like I killed your brothers. The ceiling of the local cheese explodes as suddenly ninjas start to fly down. Suddenly ninjas. Spread into the local cheese taking over this. humble and beautiful arcade establishment and that's where we'll call tonight.

Oh my God, suddenly ninjas. It's rendered.