Legends of Avantris - 13 Beers at the Local Cheese | Ep. 9 | Accept Match?

Episode Date: July 19, 2026

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How big is your stomach? Are you currently located within driving distance? Come make a core memory you'll spend years trying to recreate at the local cheese. Everybody promised to remember this forever. I promise. I remember this forever. We've got games. We've got pizza.

We've got a prize counter where your hours of labor can be exchanged for things your parents could buy for $3. Everybody count your meager ticket earnings. Oh, yeah. I have two had. I have $1.00. I have $2,000. He's a killed guy. Zero.

And this summer, the local cheese is putting the fun back in functioning emergency exit. Improved lighting, new carpets, and our patented party gas now pumped directly into every room. Everybody hold their breath before passing out. It's the local, the local cheese, where everybody gets a turn, every turn lasts forever, and where the number of fingers you leave with

is entirely up to you. Living land cheese. The local cheese is not responsible for inflation, incorrect hand totals, Previously scheduled programming or events depicting films not yet available in theaters. Employees may continue smiling. Do not approach the prize counter from behind.

Shh, come up with this, Derek. We cut to a shaky handheld footage on the roof of the local cheese. February O'Hulahan crouches behind an exhaust vent gripping her microphone. This is February O'Hulahan, reporting live from the local cheese, where the masked criminal organization known as the fingers

has seized control of the building. February, The duct. We're going deeper. Dozens of patrons are believed to be held inside while authorities remain outside, citing what one officer described as an unreasonable number of ninjas. Suddenly, the vent collapses and the camera falls

to the floor of the arcade room. We see February quickly get to her feet as a shadow moves behind her. Get your hands off of me. I'm press! The microphone flies from her hand, and February is dragged from frame. Her voice fading as she's pulled away.

This is February O'Hulahan. reporting live for my own kidnapping. Temperature of the local cheese rises. You can tell that the fingers, the criminal organization that has suddenly descended from the ceilings and taken over operations has turned off the AC. You feel the temperature rising and rising. As the voice that was communicating to you, Galileo,

through the fallen camera and the speakers of No scope one continues to speak to you. Listen to me. I will defeat you just like I defeated your others, your brothers, your master minor injury. I have spent hundreds of hours, many long months, attempting to find you, and now that I have you within my grasp, I will not let you go.

Oh, you, you. Did you just say his name? You would know his name. Okay, okay, great. No, I just want to make sure you just didn't say it. No, you didn't say it, okay. Oh, you think you can defeat my brothers and master minor injury?

That's not for a long time. You know, it's like, no. Sliver was right there. Like, I thought it was Master Thorn, but minor injury is good too. But you think you can use all your fingers to kidnap my ex-girlfriend? No way!

I have and I will. And if you want to get her back and save her, then you'll have to join me on the rooftop for Mortal Kombat. Oh, it's just like the Catholic Church. Yeah. Are you saying that the Catholic Pope is named Grindr? Well, no, the Catholic Pope is just the low-poly Catholic Pope is just, you know, we battled them on the rooftop.

I don't have anything to do with that, no. I'm Grindrinder and my gang name is the thing. This is a different thing. It's totally unrelation. They'll still fight you on the roof, though. No, I'm just saying. It's only so many places to fight. It's nothing to do with the Pope.

I mean, are we sure about that though? I mean, they have all the treasured, they have all the Treasurer of Constantinople and there was a quote. We got the low poly Pope. I know it now. It was a minute I thought it was because I just said it. Well, you said it a couple times and there was a little before. I was offended.

You should have recognized the voice. Ask him if he had any of the treasured of Constantinople. Oh, do you have any of the vote. Do you have any of the treasures of the Kostats of Noble that you're going to use to try and fight us on the room? I might have one or two. I told you. I told you. I don't have anything to do with the low poly Catholic church or the low poly Pope.

No, that's the different thing. With you're not only get the treasures of Kostasana. You're telling me that not a priest is the Catholic church is sworn enemy, but a totally completely unrelated organization is as well? Oh, knuckles, man. I have a lot of enemies. How do you have so many enemies? Yeah, what the fuck do you do that? I didn't want to stop before.

I mean, you know, you know, man. Memories differ, okay? Who even remembers? Listen, Galileo, I'm going to be honest with you, man. No matter what happens, they're thick and thin, I got your back. But you know how that saying goes. If you meet like three assholes before noon, you're probably the asshole. Wow.

That's out of the really good point. Well, we're only up to two. There's still more time, man. There's still more time. Oh, man. And what I'll say, what I'll say, Galileo is, Andy and I will be with you thick or thin unless being with you, if it will prevent us from seeing the premiere of Star Wars of Phantom Badr

was coming out. I would understand. Guys, that is the ultimate goal here. You need those premier tickets. If that was a threat, I would say we skip the roof, we'd just go. Yeah, like, we should probably skip the fight and just talk about how many tickets we have because, like, I didn't get any. I have one.

Gary has two halves of one. No, I used to kill that guy. I could recover to blood. Son of a gun. We have one ticket on this side of the table. Let me get this straight. You have zero. You have none.

I have zero. Yeah, I have to- One single ticket. Oh, I got five tickets. I got it, maybe the best so far. Well, how many tickets did you guys? I have 550. What?

You got five hundred and fifty tickets? What the fuck are you guys been doing? Knuckles. Well, man, I have one token left and I was gonna use it on the tower of power. We're gonna power power. Yeah, it's a sure thing. Have you guys been spending all the tokens on dock ride shooter games? Those don't give any tickets.

No, we were using the one where the thing, the coin. It was a sure thing. They fall. It was a sure thing, Knuckles. Yeah. No. All of those coins were teetering on the egg. They were teetered at tails.

They were right there. We also used one token on a machine that was moved real fast and was a sure thing, but then it reminded me of February O'Hula and I got to say, like, I tried to cheat and I failed, so. So you're trying to cheat, you're falling for scams and you're torn up about your busty weather girl ex-girlfriend? God, so I would give anything to see the Phantom Menace.

That guy with the double-sided lightsaber and everything, he looks so cool. What? Wow, it's so cool. I mean that guy's going to have more than three lines. Yeah, I can't wait to hear him talk. He's got more than three lines to be really relevant. Tiffany, you shouldn't be cheating. You know what they say?

Cheetahs never prosper unless it's the Cheetah Margarita only available in the Rainforest Cafe, a wild place to shop and eat. I could totally go for a margarita right now. Oh, you know what? I realize. Yeah. There are five of us now. And with the limit of only two tickets per person,

now that there are five of us, we can each have 10 drinks. Wild. Wait, hold on. Is that because we can smuggle them in our cargo shorts? No, because like five times two equals 10. Wait, I'm not following. Hold on. Tiffany, you lost me.

Yeah, I think I could make this big sense. Okay, all right. I think maybe if you use The Fibonacci sequence, it all makes sense. Oh, okay, okay. You're not the Fibonacci sequence. One, two, three, five. No, no, you don't know what it is,

I know what it is, and you know. Wait, the Fibonacci sequence is numbers? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought it was a movie. Oh, continue. Well, Annie. Yeah. I think we gotta,

wait a minute. I feel like we gotta, we gotta fight this old, this evil mastermind. That doesn't track, because I always get my Fibonacci with chicken. I like the Fibonacci with chicken. I like the Fibononon Oh, right, yeah, I thought it was pretty good, man.

Pope Fettin, he's always good in whenever he's in. Oh my gosh, hair or no hair. He's just always handsome. Enough talk! Yeah, enough talk! Natives! Attack! Ah! I need you all the roll for him.

Remember that initiative is a D6 plus your agility. Okay. You were all confronting the fact that you needed tickets. In order to get tickets to the Phantom Menace, you found out that The movie ticket was available at the prize counter, one ticket for every 4,000 tickets exchanged. And so you knew that you needed to get a tremendous number of tickets tonight, this last night where they were only available. And perhaps one, two, three, or all five of you might be able to go and see this unbelievable premiere on premiere night next week.

And so you went to the redemption area to start playing redemption games like the, shovel game with the coins and the Bopit game and uh, Craggy Crab. Going over to the Tower of Power, these sorts of, If I remember correctly, we're only one-tenth of the way there. Yes, you're in trouble. I only have one drink because I got crept.

We need 5,000. 5,000. A thousand for each of us. But you are, you were confronted by NoScope 1, who was very antagonistic and attempted to destroy you, but you defeated him in the man of the future. Physical combat. And he was from the future. Time travel.

He was from the future. And he discovered that his rig, the camera and the speakers, the microphones, the monitors, everything that he'd been carrying on him before he shuffled it off and tried to like a weight vest, attack you without it, he, that it was connected to a sponsor. A sponsor by the name of Grindr Now. That's Kevin. That's Kevin. Yeah, that's just canon.

That's just the way that it works around here. I'm crossing off a lot of things in my outline. Oh, I'm sorry. And no, now it's fine. It's going to be much fun. Well, I'm crossing off. Master Ford. And so now all of a sudden,

his ninjas, the gang known as the fingers, has descended upon all of you, and he has commanded them to attack. And you see in all of the corners all around these ninjas readying their shurikins and their various martial arts. weapons and that is the moment that I need everyone to roll for initially. Awesome. I think what you did it. I'm gonna place myself right here. I'd be with you.

Put me next to you. I'd kind of, I think I'd be back back. I would have been near wherever the guy went down like wherever the speaker's coming from. And I presume that the ninja's gonna fall around all around us so like it's not gonna really matter where we were right. Wherever Mike thinks I am is where I am. Um, all right totals. I got a five. I do not those did as well. Total. Do you want to go before me? Uh, you go first. Six. I got a six. Oh wait, hold on. Galileo's first.

No, let me go first. Yeah, that's what we go first. It's just plus agility, right? Six plus agility. Agility, yeah. Agility. Five, anyone? You got six?

Six. Your Quasimoto. Mm. How is that? Thank you. I have a limited selection over here. Is that our clank? All right, so we've got Galileo.

We've got. Then Richie. I'm gonna go first. Thank you, Knuckles, then, not Pike, then. I got four. Four, and Gary, your last, okay. Gosh, I'm always, did not last. This will be extremely confusing for everybody,

but as one of their features in the staffs that I'm using, the ninjas always go first. Oh, and so if you get it- Very fast. And they have the element of surprise. Yeah, I think that you just put one token on everyone. What, these things? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's not one guy. There's no finger clans. It's the whole finger. It's the fingers. It's the fingers. He's the fingers. He's on the booth. He's on the roof.

I'm such an idiot. I'll go first. Switch right and pike. All of them pull out these unbelievably sharp blades, these katana's and they swing in. Galileo. Galileo. I needed to make a Dodge to see if you can this is a D20 and this is plus agility

I believe so yes I don't know I don't think I dodge that's not enough you have eight damage incoming but you have your armor oh oh okay how much damage you do you said eight dude eight minus whatever you just rolled you dealt eight damage yeah it was eight coming in the katanas are sharp I think we'll die by the gods. I go to zero HP. I go to exactly zero HP. So that's interesting.

The rule is cheesheet, if you don't mind. You are not dead. If you hit exactly zero, you are broken. And what that means is you're gonna roll. I'm gonna open this up a quick. I don't have that on the cheese sheet, because it almost never happens. Going to zero.

I have this here, actually. There's a... I am bold. broken that I don't have a definition. I got you. Don't worry. Yeah, you're broken. I have it here. They read it. If you had it. If you are, if you have zero IP, you are considered broken.

If you are at negative HP, you are dead. That means that you have to roll a 1D6. I'm not sure if it's at the start of his turn or if it's... No, right now. Right now. Roll a D6. Six. That's insane. You stay on your feet with 1 HP. Oh! Let's go!

Knuckles, you've got a blade swinging in at you as these deadly ninjas attack. I needed to dodge. It's a D20. Plus agility. That's pretty good. You are able to dodge. The blade narrowly skips over you

as you're able to dodge at the last second, despite the shrieking cry of your battle companion, Galileo. You forgot to eat before the pole. Oh, don't forget, we do all have a slice of pizza too. In our inventory. Oh shit. That's right.

That'll heal us some amount. I don't know what it means on it was a lot. It was a 1-E-12. It's a pretty big. It was something crazy. It's my turn. I watch as Galileo tastes this devastating blow. This is almost my total HP.

But you stagger and I see you on your feet. And I say, come on guys, Galileo needs help. Follow me. And I use my feature, follow me. Once per combat, I can roll a D4, and my allies may add or subtract this total from any one die roll during this combat. Oh. Nice. Four.

Let's fuck. So remember, you guys all have a four to either add or subtract. And 12 is generally the DCAC, generally. Generally is the DR that you're looking for. And that's going to be my whole turn as I draw my... Oh, I hadn't actually finished. I don't get to go. I was still just...

I was asking you to dodge. Fuck. Well, I'm keeping that. That's all right. Keep that. Keep that. We don't have that yet. I know I said Andy, but I said Andy.

Fuck you. I got 12. Okay, you narrowly dodge out of the way. The same for you, Gary. I'm certainly in the small coat poorly. So would you still get your turn there? Yeah, I still go my turn. I got a six.

I see my fucking six. You've got five damage coming in. Roll your armor to subtract it. Oh, man, I got heavy armor. I forgot these, this baggy big dog shirts. The jeans, yeah. About is five. I don't take one point of damage.

You take one point of damage. It hits your genes. One of the pockets open, but you are undamaged, almost barely. Tiffany, make a dodge for me. Natural 20. Oh! That means you get to counter- I do not know if magic works.

It does right now. It does right now. You can do every fucking lunch. You can counter-attack with a spell if you'd like. We only have three spells. So I think I'm gonna pull out my, I have a little tiny spork from old Taco Bell. And I'm gonna lunch.

forward and I'm gonna stab him like in the juicy thigh meat. You're small and so his blade goes well over your head and you're able to dig that spork into his juicy thigh meat. Roll the hip. And you go on. No! Doesn't the bad also happen there? You fumble.

So generally the sport will either go flying or snap. I'm still gonna deal one damage to the ninja, but that's because the head breaks off and you can ease your sport. That's totally fair. Goodbye, bless the culinary. Good thing we're in a pizza place. There's plenty of sports.

That is brutal. And for everyone's awareness, the slice of pizza that you each have heals D4. No. Do I have that or was that something they got without me? No, everybody has one slice of pizza. Does my armor break or anything?

No, your armor only breaks if you get crin. Oh, I do have it written on there. Your armor will go down one tier if you get crin. That's so funny. Oh, now with their turn and their emmeas and their immediate assault over, you are able to finally confront these ninjas. Galileo, you are hurting.

It is, you already were just in combat with the gamer streamer guy from the future. Oh yeah. And yet there's something different about that combat and this combat, for you pull out the lightning shuriken that's at your side, and I have just sent you a message that includes the statistics for that special, special weapon.

Something that has been at your side in the old days. When you were living with your brothers. So he's reunited with him. When you were reunited with your classic weapon, the lightning shirt. Oh, you guys think that was cool. Dropping out of the ceiling and cutting me almost in half.

Well, it wasn't even that cool. Yeah, it was really cool. You just can't not make a shudori reference. At least one's a moment. Birds? I spin up, yeah. The Chidori. The Chidori is supposed to sound like chirping birds.

Oh, Sherperbirds. NARTO. Yeah, 1,000 chirping birds. It's towards the beginning. Guys, I think it might be 82 degrees in here. It feels like a cool. Oh, my, my, my. It's 82.

Aye. Sorry. My temperature feeling knowledge is out of this world. I will not eat the pizza. I'm not here to eat pizza. Kawabunga brother, all right? I'm here to throw this lighting shirt again. I crackle it with lightning energy

and I attempt to throw it towards the ninja in front of me. This guy is the one who just dealt you a severe blow and you release the shirkin. If I max you with pizza, it's five plus health and he just dealed. You're in a self-destructive spiral cow. We gotta get you help. We can talk about it. Anyway, sorry. You release the shiriken from your hand knowing that it will always return to yours. And...

Oh, not always. Not based on this message. Roll the hit. You hit. Right? 12 just hits If it doesn't hit you can always add four Just hits and so I can't I go before you roll for damning yeah

You know I definitely cheated I did it a whole bunch I did it was so cool I did it I did it I did it I'm sure this doesn't do to this trash landing Probably not because Andy has a katana he also goes first Yes, exactly right I think I just deals two damage to damage two damage You all watch as this shiriken flies forward and slices into the ninja dealing a significant amount of damage.

It doesn't outright kill him, but for a moment there's a crackle of lightning, and you can see his skeleton underneath his cloth, ghee, he is spicy amount of electric damage, and one of the nearby cabinets even ring, and a couple tickets come out of the front of it as you slam into it with your strike. Oh, we're seeing that movie.

You have your movement left or you can pass your turn? Do they take opportunity attacks? No. No. No. All right. How much movement do I have? Five squares. Oh, just four.

Is it six or five? Six. It's five. Everybody has six squares. All right, I'll just really wait there. That's fine. Oh, shit. Oh, boy.

There. And now the blade turns to Andy. I do all the cool stuff. That's right. That's why he's the leader of the friend group. And I brace myself. He's sure off, man. He's doing a thing.

That's my turn. Everybody's got a four that they can add or subtract or roll. Yeah. So you can use it to make people miss. Oh, that's great. Oh, if only that had happened before my phone. I'm too sober for this. I look around.

Are there any like mostly you, you, you, full drinks that have been left on The arcade room that you're in is largely empty. So many people have fleed. And you can hear the sounds of the martial arts happening in the larger arcade floor room just outside of the room that you're in.

People screaming in terror. And so make a presence check to see if anyone left their drinks behind. Presence, you sure it's not like toughness? Yeah. About how tough I am about drinking this. Oh my God. Wait, D20.

By the G20. Oh, I rolled a six on it. 18 minus 2 is 16. Nice. That's enough. You are able to point out which token you are? I'm a Rook Ironwall. Of course.

See that diagonal cabinet on Andy's side, not against the wall, but in the square. That one. You noticed that there is an almost completely full, what looks like a transparent red solo cup. Cool, and it's hot in here. It's so, so hot. It's just the ACs, the heat of the cabinets is unbearable, but there's a condensation and a lone tear of water

on the exterior of this cup runs down as you buy this beer. I think I ate too much sauce earlier today. I'm going to run over here, and I'm gonna pick up the beer, and I'm gonna drink it if I can. If that's my action, that's fine. but I will consume the drink. Would drinking or eating be in action? Right, like-

I mean, generally, that's the way we've been doing it. When you, if he's like searching and consuming, like that's a whole- I think that's your whole turn. Unless you have additional movement or a free action that you want to do. Just give me a second, I know I've been pretty distracted

for not both of these combats, but I just, I'm so thirsty. At the end of the day, you've got the free reign to make calls as you see necessary. This is a rules light system. I'm checking in with the design. Doesn't hurt.

I just want to make sure that I'm honoring your vision. But always, you know, feel free you have the power, you know, as I say. Tiffany, you pull back your arm and you're listening to the chaos all around you holding the, just the handle of a broken spork. What do you do? The streamer guy is not anywhere to be found. No. We killed him.

We did. Yeah, I cut his head off. He exploded in the coins. You killed him in the local cheese, which means that he landed. Did we do? Yeah, we got like some tokens. Okay. And he exploded into tickets and tokens.

Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. So, but these guys have an overall. That we can't see. And that's grinding. Grindr. Okay. I'm trying to get caught up because Tiffany wasn't here for some of the war, okay?

No, no, no. Many of you were learning this information for the first time. You didn't know Galileo had three brothers who had killed by a man named God. No, I was at play things ain't you and so I missed a lot of this stuff. Okay, that sounds good.

I'm gonna look at the guy in front of me and I think I'm gonna to use curse, so I'm choosing the enemy in front of me. They subtract a D4 from their next role. And I'm going to look at him and I'm going to say, here's a nickel. Go buy a life and bring me back the change. Does that require a role in order to achieve? It just choose an enemy, then subtract D4 from the next role.

You just put a curse on this guy using your Toyetic magic. And he feels cursed. The words have a physical impact on him, and he knows that he has been so cursed. That brings us to Gary's turn, rolling around on his roller blades. Oh my god. Guys, this is looking good. We got introduced to Grindr, and now we're getting fingered.

I gotta get out of here. This is delicious crazy. This is really, this is good. And then we're gonna go to the tower of power. And guys, I don't know if I can take this. Don't forget we gotta fight them on the roof, man. And I roll a blade all the way over here. And then I'll say, that's right, use your venom spitting,

cursing elder powers, Tiffany, just like you've always known. And I will do, and you know what? I think these guys are also weak to lightning. And then I scream, and I use my fourth spell of the day. I just wanna make sure I, one, two, three, all the spell, four. They have five for now. Five.

I think in future iterations will make certain spells cost more. But for now, it's good. No, I can't do that. I can't do this. No, I mean, we've used a lot already. Oh, we'll rip and throw them. Yeah. And we have a whole boss fight on the roof.

It's supposed to be, oh, wow. Oh my gosh. It's like a rare. I got a 20, not a natural toy. I got a 20. You're a dirty 20. Okay. What does that do?

I'm going to deal 1D6 damage to all enemies. And so we haven't seen it yet, but you can also fumble when casting magic. That's right. Four damage. Nice. Damage to all, wait. Can I have your figure that roll?

Yes. Yeah, I'm doing that shit. I'm a D4, you said? Yeah, so no, I wrote the four. Eight damage. You could just double the damage. Eight damage to all enemies. Fuck these guys.

Fry them, fry them. Eight to all enemies. Oh, wow guys. He's adding four. I'll be right there. He's using the roll. Oh, Andy, you can't smash you so much. You're taking your time over there.

How do you want to do this? Just give me a second, fellows, having this whole. Oh my gosh. What I'm gonna do is Andy, I'm so filled with the inspiration. I'm just gonna scream even louder as we're getting figured after being introduced a grinder. And then they just completely get zapped and fry.

There's an eruption of lightning and arc after arc slams through these fingers as these criminals go down one after the other, after the other, after the other. They evaporate. There are no tokens or tickets that emerge from their bodies, but the lightning blast is so powerful that the nearby cabot starts spitting out tokens and tickets from the election.

Oh my gosh, smash shot, Gary! Quick, school up as many tickets and tokens as you can! I need everybody to roll, and this is how many tokens you receive and then how many tickets you receive. So tokens first? Tokens is gonna be a D12 roll, and then the tickets are gonna be

a D20 roll. I got seven tokens, so I'm up to eight. What was the first one? The first one was tokens. D12 for tokens and then how many tickets? I got a 10. I got 12 tokens. D20 for tickets? 15. Nice 16 tickets. Okay, wait, so the D12 is what? Tokens, seven tickets. Okay, I got eight.

I got eight. I got eight tokens, but I already had six. So that puts me at 14. Oh, I got two. 17. I got two. And then tickets. I got nine. I got two and two, folks. Oh no.

Thanks for giving us a D12, Derek. You're very generous. After I killed off. It's my pleasure. I think I should roll with advantage. That's not a big. Galileo, you turn. That's a trademark term.

You turn back after watching this display of magic from the incredibly powerful, elderly, enigmatic and mysterious Gary. and you know that you're just getting warmed up with your lightning shiriken, that this gang represents the full might of grinder's power. And turn to look at the rig,

but clearly spent enough time, the battery or whatever was powering it has faded. The little red light of recording is gone, and you hear no more crackling voice in it. Only that echo of his command to confront him on the roof. In this same moment, all of you hear on the speakers of the arcade, everyone, listen up. Oh, this guy sucks.

This is the manager. Fuck, no, it's Reginald. Oh, I hate Reginald. I need everyone to understand that we don't take Ninja takeovers. We're gonna take this very seriously. Anyone who puts this top to grind her in the fingers. Wow, I have to say that. Anyone who pushes us off to them

will earn 5,000 tickets in a solid hand-shank. Oh, wow. Hold on. Maybe this retinal guy ain't so bad. Oh, man, Gary, awesome, man. You just took out all the fingers. I sit around and I'm just like, what the fuck.

All right, who needs me? Yeah, I mean, I don't even really know what happened. What am I, chop liver? My vision went wide and then just all of a sudden everybody was dead. Gary, everyone was gone. How many more time? can you do that today? I mean, like, we gotta beat this grinder guy. I'm a little spanned

handy on my corner. Well, that really, I mean, do you even need the rest of us? Just go up there and fucking kill the guy. You got to understand that the power of the orb is very limited. I only have certain man on. I use my life force every time. The more spells I use, the closer I am to death. What? Why are you doing that then? I don't know. I mean, Cass of the lightning bowl is cool shit, Andy. Oh, hell. Hell. Dude, you can't, like, just waste your life force. that man like we have rent to pay i'll be homeless well i'll be dead so what matter to be god damn it do you know how much you have left that's a thing that's a thing galileo no wizard knows how many has left so you have no way to track it or or no you just

follow one no none of us know just one time of one spill out cash will be my last oh gary that's so metal and that will be that a chance you fucking die yep you just you just You're really just like playing, you know, like fast and loose with this, too, man. I would really appreciate if you didn't just croak on us. I don't know. I feel like playing fast and loose is what every hot young bachelor should do after a divorce. Okay, all right, man. You know what I mean?

Listen, we're probably going to have to fight through more of these fingers, okay? On the way up to the roof to get to Grindr. Like, don't blow your load, man. And before we go any further, gal, eat your fucking pizza. You look like shit. I ate my slice too, man. I'm not even hungry. I think that ninja almost did an honor.

Like, you got lucky, bro. Oh, yeah, I died there for a second. I give me my slice of pizza so you can have more than one slice. No, I definitely saw the same thing I did when the Catholic poison got me. I mean, I think you really hit me with that sword. I'm not the same as the rocket up the goop. No, no, that was a separate thing. No, this was the same kind of vision for a second.

I was like. Super strong. His thigh snaps my spork in half. Yeah, that was crazy. You just lodged the head of that sport right in that guy's thigh. Yeah, what the heck? Why would they do that? That was awesome.

That was so good. I mean, why would they break your cool coloring? Because at this point, the Taco Bell's inspired by Memphis design. That makes it much cooler. It's more tragic. And I really want a Chihuahua. As you are talking about Chihuahua's,

thinking about the lukewarm pizza in your pockets or bellies, you are confronting the fact that as tough as the fingers are, this grinder, was tough enough to destroy three other Galileos and their master minor injury. And you're going to have to perhaps take some prizes that might up your game if you can't risk your own life casting lightning. Or if you can't find more drinks that might make you more fierce in battle. Well, game master, how much does the pizza heal me? A D4.

Oh, a D4. Oh, wow. two slices. I rolled and healed. Great. Do we each, how many slices do we have? I only had one. I gave mine to Gallo. Oh, that's right. I ate mine. I is. Because you bought the pizza and basically gave us all sides. I did. I did. We have tokens, though, now. We can buy more food if we eat it. Four, four, four, four. I'm on a cheese cleanse. So if someone wants my pizza, they can have it. Is it a cheese cleanse where you eat only cheese or no cheese? Yeah. You eat some cheese cleansed, you?

I've done that. I've done that. Cheese Louise. I've also done the jar of olives. Uh, really affected. Didn't you do a Cheez-Zit cleanse last week? I'm allergic to Cheez-Sits

because every time I eat an entire box, I can't ship for a month. Oh, man, I'm going to be allergic, too. Yeah, me too. Oh, man. I have the opposite problem. It's like really bad. I'm gonna look around to see if there is one.

I'm gonna start making our way to the roof. We know how to get there. We've been there before, provided that the pathway hasn't changed. But on the way- It has changed. Fuck. This is the local cheese.

They renovate every week. Okay. Then as we are discovering the pathway to get to the roof, I will try to see if there is an open bar for me to start loading up on beddies. You know that there are, There is kiosks, and occasionally waiters or waitresses will be walking the floor,

willing to almost like an adult's casino, be able to make an order. If you're at a cabinet for an extended period of time, they'll bring you a drink for the tokens. The caveat is that I'm gonna try to hide my stamp. Right, my stamp. There's the stamp, and there's also the large number of ninjas that are currently parading through

The different cabinet aisles of the arcade. They move in groups, and you know that if you confront one of them, you'll have to deal with their katana blades just as you did these ninjas. Fuck. Game Master, is there like... I'm looking for like a big party where there'd be a lot of beers on the table. Maybe there's like 20 people and they're all like gathering for a celebration, and maybe the ninjas are like they're scary to them and they might need rest.

There is, on the arcade floor, very few, like, seating table areas. The second floor is where you'll recall is the showroom with the Mountain Williams, where you would be able to go and sit down with a family, experience a birthday party, and that's where you would go if you wanted to find four, six, a dozen people sitting down enjoying adult. I'd like to go there to save all the people there. Can we do that on our way to the top? Oh, that's a great idea. We gotta go to Sherwin Williams right away.

We're gonna need to boost our strength if we're gonna take on Grindr. He took down four guys. We always need to get wasted. What the fuck are we doing? Wait a minute, isn't Sherwin Williams where Robin Hood lives? Yes. And we can't let them steal any more tax money.

That's my tax money. That sounds really serious. I am so in. He's not going to hold off of my tax money. Stealing is really bad. Just like cheating. Who would do that? Yeah. Okay.

First of the second floor, and then we face Grider. Sounds good? Sounds like a plan. I skate in that direction. You all watch as Gary takes off in the direction of the long, extended winding ramps

that will eventually make his way up to the second floor. And it looks like the coast is clear, but as soon as he gets about halfway up, You can see a group of fingers start to turn down that exact same way. And you have to catch up with him and endeavor to steal. I need everyone to make a presence test. How does this work?

D20 plus presence mod. Okay. Oh, God. I got a natural 10. I got an 18. Hurry, right, right, right. Straight up just a 10. 15.

I got a 5. Oh, boy, Tiffin, I'm going to be in trouble. Uh-oh. You are not able to get past them. You have to detour. You have to stop Gary in order to prevent him from running into another gang of the group. Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary!

And you have to backtrack a little bit. You aren't detected with a successful test, but you do have, you're stopped for a moment, and you have to hide behind some cabinets to wait for them to pass by before making another attempt or attempting another way. I am desperately trying to find one more beverage before we fight Grindr.

Make a presence check. Because I gotta get one more. I think we gotta get to that room. Oh, it never mind me. By the bar, I mean, 18. I only have one stamp on my hand. Like, that's where we're going, I think. Are you already kept out?

Yeah, I'm already capped out. I had two drinks. No, you're not. I told you we can have 10 drinks apiece now. Tiffany, that math doesn't make any sense. Yes, it does. There are five of us, and we each have two, so now that there are five of us times two is 10.

I thought we were gonna save a group of, like, birthday kids and drink all their beer. Birthday kids don't have beer? Well, you don't know, man. What if they have, like, single moms? Divorce moms. And they're drinking a ton of beer. You think that parents aren't drinking

when they're at their kids' birthday party? No, no, no. I'm specifically saying that the local cheese is very responsible and they don't serve underage kids. Well, but their moms. Well, maybe. Well, yeah, but that's what we're going to check out, man. We're going to the birthday party.

All right, well, you keep your eye out for the mills. I'm looking for a drink right now. We'll detour if we find a party. Perfect plan. I had 182 for presents. You see two locations for where beers might be able to be acquired. One is a full beer next to somebody playing an arcade game and would require Perhaps a dexterous move in order to pull when they're distracted

The other is a one of these waiters They're moving along with drinks in their head operations are still ongoing even though this place is currently Besieged by Ninses is a great fucking word great word so rarely get used in the sentence besieged by the fingers They're still trying to make sure the business runs So none of those options involves single divorced mothers. Not until you get up to the birthday room.

Damn it. I will try to swipe the beer off of the game cabinet where somebody is playing with a dexterous maneuver. I think that you'll want to walk by and sort of casually try to grab it and say if you can walk away. I need you to make an agility test. Good old agility. Here we go. 12. With a 12, you grab the top of the drink, and because it's one of those flexible, transparent cups that you take... Oh no, I hate those.

It's a little structurally unsound. And you know how sometimes the rim sort of bends in that awkward way and it creates that crink? Yeah, yeah. That happens and it slips. And for a moment you're like horrified that it's gonna disappear out of your fingers, hit the ground, you'll have ruined the drink,

alerted the arcade player, and lost the entire opportunity. And you're able to get your fingernail just underneath that crank at the last second and holding onto it, you're able to steadily walk back without alerting any of the ninjas back to your party. and you have what is a full beer in one hand.

But it does make a crack in the rim, and so now he might cut his lip on the effort. You'll have to make a low DR agility test because you drink from it, otherwise you'll take one point of damage, so that's correct. I see the crack. I look at knuckles.

Do you see this? See what? You bet you stole a drink? You know, the crack in the plastic cup. Is that gonna hurt me? What are you fucking new to drinking? I mean, those things crack all the time. That's what I'm saying.

I don't know, but I got a bad feeling about this one. The odds are like really low, but I mean, he's haunted by two shadowy organizations. I just look, I just, there's been a lot, it's been a bad day. A lot of bad stuff's been going on. I just got a bad feeling about this. Don't need to like pour it in your mouth.

Would that make you feel better, Andy? I don't know. I feel like if we try to circumvent whatever the GM just said, I'm gonna get punished in some way. Oh, you're right. I attempted down this thing at one go. You're right, yeah. I attempted to down the same.

Roll a D20. I got a six. You're fine. Ha ha. Oh. It's a little bit sweat. But that is my third drink. You hit three, and you should be at two drinks or three?

I have two drinks. I'm going to try to hit the bar. So if we're splitting up and we're going to find a nilfs and a party and we're like anger. I don't know if you're splitting up. You are deciding what you're doing. I was just following Gary face grinder. I thought we're going the second quarter.

The three of us are going to the party room. To save a party so they can reward us with drinks. You get the sense that the group is moving to the party room. You know that there's a bar that accepts tokens for drinks, and you probably have some fresh... You guys take care of that. I'm gonna hit the bar. I'll catch up with him later.

Okay. But I'm gonna put my hands in my pockets and I'm just gonna walk to the bar and order to drink. If we feel like there's, you know, time despite all the... You start to make your way. You know that...

For getting their heads fed off. All I'm saying is I gotta be drunk before we face dry. That's right. I'll need you to make a present. It really helps. See, my thought. There it was.

There it was. It took two... It really helps. There it is. Thank you, thank you Gary. Oh, that's very funny. I need everyone to make another presence test, but this time it's to avoid the fingers on your various destinations. God, I suck.

You're heading up to the Mountain Mountain Mountain Showroom. Now my presence is in nine. My luck's one out. And knuckles to make his way to the bar alone. Four. Nine. 16. Natural 20.

Okay, that natural 20 saves you and you're able to go up that same ramp in the time that you needed. There's a moment where you have to hide behind some of those trash cans with the sort of dome and circular mouth opening heads. You're able to hide behind those for just a moment, while more fingers continue to look out specifically

for your party. It seems like they're looking for you. Not only have you killed their brothers, but Grindr has instructed them to look out for Galileo and the ones that he saw and described when seeing you on camera, but you're able to enter the Mountain Williams room. Before you can, I confront you with what you see when you get there, Knuckles.

Tell me about your journey to the bar. I just, I know this place. I go here every, every single Friday. Yeah. So I intimately know the location of all the different bars. Or is there just one? It has been recently renovated, but there's a, There's a front eatery where you sit down and have like the pizza hut dining experience, right?

They've got hanging lamps, they've got booths, they've got pizza trays and full glass mugs of beer, right? That's what they try to do in the front area where you eat and before you actually go to the arcade floor. I will go back to the eat of you and I will approach the, is there a bar I can walk up to? Yes, yes. I'm picturing like a classic diner. There's a counter with stools in front of it in that style. What did you roll in your presence, Tess? I just thought it was a group roll.

I wrote a seven. I just thought it was a group roll. Your role was for you. You are just about to walk into this eatery when all of a sudden two ninjas grab the back of your shoulders. Hey, you're the one who is with that Galileo. The one that our master wants to destroy, aren't you?

He said to look out for someone who fit your exact description. Turn around. This guy with Galileo, Gajia. Yes, Galileo, that's his name, yes. You only know that because you're his friend, aren't you? No, you just said the name Galileo. Did I? Yeah, you literally just said you're looking for Galileo

and you saw me with some guy named Galileo? What, just because I didn't stand next to a guy? You'd think all over the years of the best friend. I thought I got him. I thought I got him. All right, anyway, so. I mean, can I help you? Well, you're with him.

You fit the description that we're looking for. You're going to have to come with us. Just because I happen to look like some guy that was described to you, you assume that all of us, just because I fit this description, you assume that I'm him? We're just following orders. Orders just to find a rhino guy. To take people captive.

So that, so that, uh, so that's, uh, so that's, Grindr can kill you before Galileo and watch you. We're evil ninjas. We're evil ninjas. Problem, I don't understand. Is this similarly tracking with me? Your problem is that you're coming with us regardless of what you say or do.

Well, I'm gonna go to the bar. Do you wanna join me? They immediately jump on you. And you suddenly find yourself in a wrestling match while they attempt to try to a constant- Get your hands off me! And pull you away from the bar.

and start to drag you in the direction of the arcade floor toward the entrance to the roof. Ask them what the charge is. What is my, right? You want to have shit on me! And I'm gonna try to, basically, look, I tried. I'm gonna try to kill these guys. If you like snap their neck,

and try to beat them to death. Yeah, yeah. If I could, like, demand them. No, no, no, no. This has become a fight. And rather than roll for initiative, what we're gonna do is just back and forth real quick. I need you to make a strength test for me

as two of these masks, ninjas attempts to drag you. drag you away. Six. Oh, no. They are shockingly effective. And before you know it, one of your arms is actually not just behind your back, but they are already starting to tie you up with their incredible, um, uh, injury nodding skills. I just wanted to fuck. You make another toughness, uh, test for me. I'm sorry, strength test. I'm, I'm trying to break out. But if they're overwhelming me, I roll the natural one. No, they got it. We're going to do this. They've got you. You, you might be screwed here as your other arm starts to wrap behind your back and you realize that your opportunity to perhaps punch them and use your signature weapons is rapidly dissolving.

I freak out because my both hands are tight. I start to panic a little bit. I'm how I can punch it out and then I cross my eyes and I remember that I have a gigantic sharp rhino horn on the tip of my nose, and I'm gonna try to like gore them. In their eyes, sockets. In this moment, you're just gonna start to do this. Yeah, like, if I can go through their mouth and like get them through the spine. Oh, sure.

Oh my God, hell, yeah. Like, like wild animal thrashers. You know that the bag over the head is the last thing. Oh, you're in trouble. Before your next thing, I need the roll to attack. You think you can get to him by getting to me? He didn't text me for a week.

He won't even fucking care. Oh man. There we go. That is a 19 to hit. Oh, 19 to hit. You feel a crunch. Roll for damage. What would it be?

Would it be the same as my brass knuckles, maybe? What are your brass knuckles? D4. Let me just quickly look at something. It's gotta be at least a D6. I thought that your hands were two D4. I don't know if we ever discussed that. I think I just roll one D4.

No, there's no way. That's fine. There's no way. I just want to have some kind, of equivalent. You like double strike. I don't know. Because it's just one of your melee attacks,

I'm gonna keep that for now. Okay. And go ahead and roll. Is it plus my strength for damage? Four points of damage. You hear a crunch and one of the ninjas releases you and suddenly it's gonna, you realize it's gonna be much easier to escape

as one of the ninjas screams. Ah, my, my- Oh, it spills out on the tile checker. I tried to progress. your floor as the other guy tries to wrap, tries to wrap you again. I need to make a strength test. Jesus. 13 if he doesn't know.

I don't have your D4 anymore, do I? That's for the combat. It's gone, technically. Okay? Unless the G-Raeon. Brian, get back here, I don't care about your eye. This guy's cutting free. This guy's cutting loose!

That's just enough for you to pull one of your arms free, but you're going back in with the horn. Roll a hit. I am, I am. Okay. Oh my, come on. 17. 17 is enough.

Roll for damage. Seven points of damage. The other guy goes down. This time you do hit the throat. You got collapses right here. Bryant. I believe we were there to see this. He falls down and he explodes in the tokens and tickets.

And the other guy, no. Charles, he runs forward and he starts to come at you with the blade. I needed to dodge from his katana attack as this ninja in a blind rage swipes in at you. Is it a gilis? Agility or presence? It's Dodge, agility.

Agility. 17. You're able to dodge out of the way. You can counterattack if you like. Oh my God, I will. Finish him. I'm just, I'm in a full primal rage right now. I'm gonna go in with the horn.

Natural 20. Nice, baby. I mean, it's double-a-dice, but like I know the reason I say how do you wanna do this is because you could roll two ones and he has two health right now. And so how do you want to do this? I rolled max damage.

Oh, aren't you drunk? Aren't you drunk? Oh, not yet, not yet. There's a snap as your arms free, and you find full autonomy as he races towards you with his Etona. I pulled my arms back. My eyes are red, and I start to do the little like hoof and swat.

I move with my foot. And then I go, like Ramby from Donk Down Country. And I do a Ramby charge, and I just run, and I gore him through the chest. And I just keep running until I hit the bar and I pin him to the bar with my horn. You pin him to the ball. There's a massive slam.

The sound of glass as everything on the bar shakes from the impact. He explodes and more tokens and tickets. I'll let you roll for your tokens and tickets in a moment. But the waiter standing there, what do you have? He died funny, didn't me? Yeah. Just one beer, please.

Let me see your head. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be right back with your beer. And that's where we'll take a quick break. Nice. Nice. Good stuff. You walk into the showroom and dining area

where birthdays are held and people can take a moment off their feet from enjoying the many, many arcade cabinets and games and experiences that the rest of the local cheese has to offer. It's hot. It is still, it's the second floor and heat rises. And so it is still swelterlingly hot inside of the local cheese.

But still people are trying to, their best, to ignore the ninjas that are screaming into their ears as they, well, what else do we say? So first of all, Andy, Yon, Leo, Tiffany. My puppet hole is mighty clammy. First of all, getting so hot. Sure.

What I'm looking for is effectively like a big office party where like the either maybe someone's going away, a guy named Greg is going away. And so like a bunch of people, the whole office has gotten there on a Friday and no one knows each other really that well and it's uncomfortable. So everyone's ordering a whole lot of drinks in order to kind of take some of the edge off. So I'm hoping that there's a whole bunch of people. Maybe Greg was decently liked at least. And so that a lot of people showed up. So that it's not a bunch of kids and cake. There's really a group of adults hopefully having ordered a whole bunch of people.

He's right by this expectation as you enter. Definitely were the giant pretz. But before you can scan the room completely, Tiffany, I remember that you were also looking at something. Yeah, so there are lots of kids parting here, yeah? There's a number of children. This is an establishment largely for children. It's not just great.

I would like to scan to see if anyone is carrying around another Tiffany because there are tons of boxes of discount Tiffany. Oh my god. Because I would like to put it. I would like to pull the whatever hand I'm stamped with, I would like to pull that Tiffany's hand off and pop-in. That's fucking brilliant.

Oh my gosh. Make a presents journey. Whoa. Genius. That's a great idea. Galaxy braid Tiffany. Oh, it's not gonna work. I got a 10.

10 is what you needed. Yes! I lowered the DR to 8 because I was like, that's so fucking good, that this is where you would see children. And sure enough, on the other side, of this room. As the Mountain Williams robotically play their instruments and occasionally say,

I say happy, you say birthday, you see a kid opening a present. She enraps this large box and you realize that the box is you shaped. And she opens it up and spins it around. A Tiffany, yay! And everybody screams and claps and you realize that a brand new Tiffany doll

is just across the way. I would like to sneak over while the child's like blowing out candles or something and just try and steal the handle. Okay. Do you want to grab the box or are you going to try to get into the box and yank the handle? Yeah, I just want to reach into the box because like it's just like a tiny piece of, those boxes are not secure at all. No, no, no. And so I just going to want to reach in and just pop the hand off. Like punch in. Okay, it's going to take an agility test to get away with this. Extestential question.

Without anyone noticed. 14. 14. 14. It's pretty fun and good. You are able to. slip your hand in past the transparent plastic that is the window into this box,

and you grab the hand when all of a sudden you feel a, hey. Like, oh my God, what are you doing? Oh my God, like what are you doing to my hand? Oh my gosh. Like, look, Tiffany, this one's defective. I have to take the hand back to the- My hand is beautiful, it's perfect.

I'm just in box, I'm a collectible. No, you came from aisle nine, like the rest of a bitch, calm down. You've like ruined my box. Totally a Monet. You're like okay from far away, but up close, ugh. Have you looked at yourself? You're covered in all kinds of gore and like, I think you threw up on yourself.

Oh my gosh, look over there. And then I want to rip her hand off and run. Make a strength test. Low DR just to see if you can yank it free. Oh, seven. Seven. I'm not very strong. You pull.

And you feel it come out of the ball joint just a little bit, but she turns around and grabs the hand. And she's like, no way. Like, I'm going to use this hand in order to get drinks of my own. Okay, okay, hold on. If I give you a slice of pizza, can I have your hand? Make a present stuff. You can find more on aisle nine.

Huge. Huge. You have to take it from another, too. 17. No, this is raising all sorts of moral questions. A slice of pizza? One whole freaking slice. Okay.

I'm gonna hand her my pizza and she'll hand me your hand. You leave walking away as you can hear the birthday. I'll wipe the sweat off of my forehead with her hand. Yelling their own celebration song and you leave the pizza for this alt Tiffany and you have. a hand unstamped in your possession. I'm waiting for the hand to be like, right, bang, bang. I'll put it in my fan.

The most horrifying part of Toy Story 3 is when potato head puts his arms and eyes onto a tortilla and somehow reanimates himself. It raises, right, wild question. Weird-ass question. It's like you like force transfer. What is happening in that fucking story? Oh, my God. Andy?

So any vegetable could be the vessel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is he the eye stop? Then? Well, I think he's all the- It's kind of like, what percentage? What percentage needs to be him? Some portion of his soul?

Yeah, like he gains sentience. Yeah, man. It's like intent-based, he's just fucking magic. He's constructed, he's constructive like amunculus. Yeah, exactly. Tiffany is successful in gravity-in-hand. Do we see this? And the question is, do you see this?

Because you could all pause for a moment and watch this exchange. Oh, we're going for it, actually. Yeah, I don't think I'd see it. We're focused on Greg. And it's going away part. I was told we were going for the birthday party, so I think Tiffany got completely confused and went towards the kids. You went to this children's birthday party to the side,

but you are able to find a corporate party. You can see the manager is giving a speech to Greg, who looks a little sullen that his retirement, after 35 years he's given his company, has boiled down to lukewarm pizza at the local cheese. And flat beer. How many beers just look like a buy B worth off this table? Roll a D12 for it.

A D12. Big 12. Well, it was a one. They're between rounds. There was what looked like a beer for every participant. A full eight beers in front of them. But everybody with how rough this party is going and how obligating it feels, they chug.

It's hot. And so the only beer is the half-drunken one. in front of Greg. Okay. All right, wait, wait. I have an idea. I got a- Oh, what do you got, man? All right, here's the thing. I've already got a few drinks under my belt. You get my speech as slurred just a little bit. You can tell that I'm, I got a good buzz going on. I'm still so in the sucks. And you guys got to catch up. So I think what we're going to have to do is create a distraction. I'll create the distraction just long enough for you guys to steal beers when they bring the next round. I think we're going to have to

use Operation Park car. Are you with me? Just follow my lead. Yeah. And I, and I, and I, I have a backup plan. With you guys with both two plans, I mean parkour and a backup plan? This is going to work. No, we need to encourage all of them to drink more beers. Well, we got to wait for the next round to come out. We need to swipe some if we create an distraction. So do we know for sure that another round is coming?

I mean, look at this party. Let's go on it. If another round doesn't come, this is a lame party. He seems to be relatively well-liked, and that's a video of him doing the macarena out of Lua. I mean, if another round comes got to be like 20 beers. Exactly right. I'll just create distraction. You guys grab as many beers you possibly can.

Deal? Deal, man. We got to get drunk. If Grindr's going to have several guys up top, fingers waiting for us. Just wait for the code word. You'll know it when you hear it. And then they'll kick me out of the party. Man, there's nothing funny about this.

This is an ancient feud. He's killed all of my family. And Master. I am a stone wall right now. It's right now that the beer really kicks in. I need to roll your status effect. I got a natural 20. Oh!

I'm terrified to see what that is. He powers up. You begin to shine and glow with the colors of the rainbow. You feel invincible. You aren't. As I begin to like, I believe that I have some sort of invincibility power. I am like, wait a minute. Andy.

Wait, this is it. This is the moment. The distraction time is now. Oh my gosh. I look to see if there's another round coming. He's doing it, Gary. He's doing it. You don't even have to roll for it.

You realize that two waiters, in order to carry the many trays of beer that they need to set down, have started to leave the kitchen staff area, the service level, and make their way towards the table that is Greg's terrible retirement party. Okay, just wait till the distraction happens. You'll know the code word, and I go for the door,

and I kick the door in, loud. And I'm hoping that I'm causing some sort of a sight distraction. And the moment I walk into this office party room, I look around and I wait for there to be silence. I'm hoping that I'd cause the silence. You're glowing with the colors of the rainbow. Everyone turns looking with hope in their eyes for more beer and they see you and then they're sort of taking it back.

I say, wait a minute, this isn't where I parked my car. And then I drop and I moved the wall. You're thinking there is candy at the end of the rainbow. And I'm hoping that I cause enough of a stir and they're going to try to throw me out of this party but give away for my friends to sneak in to steal as many beers as possible. There's a lot of people. There's a, there's a, they're shouting, they're screaming,

how could you do this to poor Greg? This is, this is supposed to be a day of honor. This is where, where the manager is yelling at the top of his lungs and everybody has their attention focused on you as the waiters, without a care in the world, set the beers down on the table and turned to return back to the, their responsibility. So the Eagle has landed.

The Eagle, it's in this moment that you really, realize that dropping trow was the signal. Oh, man. Okay, let's go together. Follow my lead. Oh, yeah. He's pumping holes sweating to him, man. I didn't really notice it until you said it.

He's leaving. Oh, God, and he's still doing the Macarena. Gary, take the lead, man. What's the plan? We're still in plan car? Okay. We got, we got, we just, just act nonchalant, try to get some beers.

Oh, I'm nonchalant as it goes, man. I'm going for this, I'm going for this tray, this whole tray. The agility of the... test that you're going to make now isn't a question of if you're getting beers because the distraction that Andy, not Andy, has put on it is tremendous. But it's a question of how many you grab. So go ahead and make your agility test to see if you can get one, two, three, or four beers from these tries, each of you. Oh, how much? Agility? Agility? An agility test. D-twine? 11. Six. You race up. You're able to get one beer between your two.

public hands. And you realize it's hard to carry multiple beers at the same time at the scale that you are. It's in this moment that you start to reach down that another employee who isn't as worried perhaps seems to be almost to be enjoying the show, leans back. Oh, we got a permanent here.

Reaches over and just attempts to grab one of the beers and your hands meet and they look up at you. Hey, are you trying to grab our beers? Are you trying to touch my hand while this guy showed off his chocolate a starfish? You didn't have to stay part of. I'm sorry, retirement.

I hit the Randy. Oh, his name's Ronaldo. Hold on. I have a, I have a, I have a random. Oh, he's got a name better than Ronaldo. I definitely, I definitely have a name for sure. It's under generators. I can go right here. I can click on this and I can have,

why don't you roll a D20 for me? A 12. A 12. His name is, Zane. I'm Zane. Blipnard. Zane.

Glytnard. Zane, I implore you to reconsider. I've already had one beer and I'm gonna have my second beer tonight. There's a two drink maximum. I don't know if you know this. What's your name? It doesn't matter what my name is. My enemy.

Lightning's Torp. What a plan. What a plan B. That's 19. Oh. It's fortunate that this is a side room that's adjacent to the actual leading. communal area. You can hear the music of the Mountain Williams emanating through the windows.

Andy, you are hearing all of this commotion. You're looking up over your ass trying to figure out what's going on. Everybody is screaming when the screaming suddenly goes silent. Here's a little of the ass standing up. As you watch the same electric display, you see all of their skeletons for their skin for a moment. The lights and the children's party flicker for a minute. Greg, the manager, Zane and the rest all collapsed to the ground and each one of them turns into a single token. God, I can't have had it, enjoy his beard piece. God, Gary, what did you do?

I can't believe you killed the whole room of people who'll never know your name. It's in this moment, Tiffany, that you walk to the- You have your hand, your new hand in hand as you walk in and you realize that your friend Gary may be a bit of a murder. maybe a bit of a murderer. Oh my God. Did lightning strike them all?

Yes. There's a storm outside? No. That's so weird. The storm's name is Gary Goodberry, Tiffany. Andy, why are your pants around your ankles and you should really consider shaving your back? You're not gonna speed bag, girl.

I'm like standing up now and like, I am fully naked from the waist down. I am stunned. what just happened. I can't even, I can't, I'm too stunned to pull my pants up. I look at Tiffany, I'm like, yeah, he was supposed to be planned parked car. And then Gary went rogue and just killed everyone. Oh, Gary blew up the parked car. That's for sure. Did Gary kill them before, after they're hit by lightning? Well, it depends on if hit by lightning is seeing Andy's chocolate starfish. I can't believe this. Yeah, I don't think he'd just spread his cheeks like that. I don't think.

It was hard to tell. He was glowing like a rainbow and holding his anger. I mean, without pulling my pants up, I did get to shuffle over to where the beers are. And I'm just swaying trunk. I thought it was a good idea when he just dropped the pants, but then he started holding his ankle. Do you think that they have a karaoke machine? You know that there almost certainly is a karaoke machine, like rooms, like booths that you can rent or that you can go into

when they're not being occupied. But the four of you are confronted with the fact that there are eight fresh, full beers in this empty room, and there's probably limited time before they realize that all of the papers. Really? He was killed. Well, we might as well have to be here. There were 35 people in here.

There were 35 people in here. Is it eight pitchers maybe? No, no, it's eight beers. Man, whiteweens. We should try to save just like one beer because alcohol can remove markers sometimes, so maybe we could... Well, and we also got to save one for Knuckles. He wasn't here. Well, yeah.

Well, yeah, but he's probably like getting so much beer on his own. Like, did you say how many tickets he had? If he can get 550 tickets, he could pay. 50 tickets, he could probably get like 550 beers. I think I did have a lot of tickets. So he's great to get his tickets, man, especially when drunk. And he gave me his pizza.

We should say the table. I'm going to propose that because I killed everybody got four with beers. Each of you may have one. And Andy, because you have the distraction, you may drink knuckles with beer. What? Just smithered.

I'm holding two beers. I look at the one that's mine. I'll get the one that's my. I say, this is a really tough choice you put on me, man. How am I supposed to not drink Knuckles beer? That'll be up to you and your gods. Tiffany, yeah.

Let me warn you, beware this path you're going down of venom spitting and magic. You may wake up one day not knowing if you're the Tiffany on the stage or the Tiffany in the box. I have no idea what you just said. In time you will, in time you will. Oh!

I'm going to black out drunk about it. I drink about it. I drink the one beer and I have to drink. have knuckles' beard my other hand. So I'm gonna go up to four drinks. Four drinks. I'm gonna start drinking. I drink one.

Gary, do you know if, like when the magic kills you, man, is that like instant or like, do you know if this spell, like did it kill you, but it won't hit for several years? You know, it was very unclear. There's no rhyme or reason. There's no robber reason. See, you see Galileo, magic is like wielding a sword with no hilt. It's, it's like, it's like,

It's like, it's like, what a stupid thing? So when you cast magic, you might die. Yes. How do you know you're not already dead? Well, maybe in time we'll all be dead. I'll get out of that whole Y2K thing earlier. I'm coming later. I'm like super scared about that.

I mean later this year. Glug, glug, glit, glit, glit, glit. You all sit down to enjoy the diageetically accurate sounds of the Macarena as it plays on. It's just littered with corpses. No, they all, they all, they all on the ticket and turn to the burnt corpses. It's so much funnier, it's just littered with corpses

to listen to the Macarena and chugging beers. They're actually, they're not players. They're in an office party. They're not players, so they don't regenerate. They were just in a direction. They were just too. Wait, how many did I kill? How did I kill?

You killed probably nine or ten people. Ten people. Ten jokes. We can divide that up by two each if you give them to knuckles too. Don't be greedy. Oh, no, man, he's going to say he gets to keep five. No, no, I had the beer. We distribute it evenly.

Oh. I have adjustments. Okay, so doing the math on that, if there were 10 tokens and we're dividing it by five, then we each get five. Nope. Tiffany, one of these days, I think I'm going to sit down with you and work on your math. No, because five and five is ten. I know that I didn't go very far in higher education, I think that we might be able to help you out with math.

I'm like really good at math. I know, you're good at everything. You're good at all. That's so nice of you to say. I was thinking the same thing about you, but I didn't say it out loud. Thank you. That's very kind.

And I'm still holding Knuckles's a beer, but I'm looking at it and I start to sweat as I'm looking at it. Are your pants up in it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't pulled up. I'm enjoying the breeze on my butt sheets and my gooch. Yeah, no, it's hot. It's hot. It's hot in here.

And to be able to take your pants off right now. Man. You'll have to tell me your drink totals, and if you've crossed the threshold of rolling on the status effect, when we get back to you, because we're rejoining Knuckles as he sits at the bar and presumably has finished an additional beverage. I imagine you like gourd this guy

and you're covered in battle scars and guts and you just like sit down and you just like calmly drink a beer for like 20 minutes to yourself. Hey, Brittany, how's your mom doing? A little better, a little better. That's good to hear. Anyway, I don't want to take too much of your time, given the ninja invasion, then all better.

You might have just given the circumstances. If I just order around for my friends, they're on a real crazy heater with that, you know, that coin game that goes in and out, and just that next coin, they're going to get all the tickets in it. So I didn't want to break their mojo on flow. And I think that we've all had one drink.

There's five of us. Let me just get around. I've seen people lose their minds trying to get those coins to fall. I told them it's a scam, but look, I know this is your establishment, so I won't accuse y'all of these. I'm supposed to find a, you know, to check a hand for every drink that I serve. But- I know technically, you do, but, you know- But you remember my name.

Make a presence test. So I'm all right. Oh. I remember, was the name Brittany? I thought it was Brittany. My presence is minus two, but I rolled in 19, so 18. Let me see the tokens and, you know, maybe you leave it a little extra tip. I'll be right back.

You put down the tokens for four beers and five years. Oh. She already served the one for you. She would have seen that you would have hit in your maximum, but she assumed that you were getting four more beers for your friends. And what she was looking away from was looking at their hands, right? And so pretty soon she comes back with a tray full of beer. She says sit down.

We'll go find them. Thanks so much. And again, you know, I hope everything's good at home. And, you know, have my mom send out some of those almond cookies she likes. Would you? Oh, she loves those. Absolutely. And these are for you.

And I'll throw in two extra tokens. Okay. For her. Okay. Okay. Brittany, you've known her for some time. And she's not working every Friday, but you're glad she's working this one.

as you pick the tray up and you start to head wherever you head next. Man, my friends are gonna be so proud of me for getting them in that extra drink as I start walking away towards the... Actually, is the price counter on the way to the... You have a couple different ways, circuitous ways. You know that you could go directly through the arcade floor. The middle of the arcade floor.

This circular counter is one prize counter. on the prize counter is, if you wanted to hit that up. If you wanted to go upstairs, there are two ramps that sort of make your way up to be the second floor. All of this sort of starts to funnel you towards where you know the service entrance to the roof might be. I would like to swing by the price counters very briefly, if I could.

And now that I know that we're being invaded by ninjas, and I have a bunch of tickets, But if we can win, if we can defeat them, I don't need these tickets for the premiere. So I'm just going to try to find any kind of of ninja-killing weapons. You go to the... They've got to be selling those on discount.

Fire sale on Ninja Killing weapons. Yeah, let's get them out there. Stop the siege, New West. Yeah, let's get them into... You reach the prize counter, and they're standing, despite the heat, of this face, still in his turtleneck black sweater, unswetting, the grim and shot white face of Larry,

as he looks down at you. Hello, Knuckles, welcome. How are you? Leonard, my apologies. Hey, Lenny, how's your brother doing? Is he hanging in there? I know he's been in the can for how long, a couple months now.

Yes, he remains there. I occasionally visit him when I'm not working at the local cheese. Hey, how's his appeal going? I heard that it was not looking so good. We are still waiting for the news. It's coming in the mail. Unfortunately, we cannot tell what is going to happen

until we receive further summons. And the judge is still thinking 25 to life. Well, he allegedly committed a terrible crime. Allegedly, though. I mean, cut your own brother some slack. Oh, God. Yes, I will cut him slack if he would stop leaving cars with 20 to 40 kilos of cocaine in the trunk on the highway and then get surrounded by cops. Oh, that's a victimless crime.

You know, I hope he does okay. I hope he gets off, you know. Thoughts and prayers with him and your family. He needs stability. He needs a job like mine. This is insane. Speaking of that, I mean, it would be terrible for my favorite Friday spot to, you know, be taken over by ninjas and some dude named Grindr.

So I, you know, I'm just, I don't have a lot of time, but I got 557 tickets. You got any like ninja killing stuff here, you know? Let me see what I have. He starts to look around, Ninjas and Grindr, just another Friday night at the local cheese. And you can see that for 40 tickets.

He's got a five set of shuriken's, range, 3D6 damage each. He looks around. He has a laser sword that's for 9,999. It's still there. It's still there. It's beautiful. Really, anything between 50 and if you're looking for something specific,

then he might be able to rummage in the sort of cabinets or center area that's sort of like this mountain of prizes. Most of it is very cheap crap. Minjas, minjas. All right. What do I know about ninjas? Their greatest weakness is that, like, big ramp that goes tall and, like, the kind of

leaps back, and then they never, like, grab the rim of it, and they can't pull themselves up. So, like, what do we ever, like, recreate that in, like, an arcade setting? You've been, like, you're like, oh, wait, hold on. Ninjas, and it's slippery. Hmm. I think about our enemy on the roof. Do you have a huge, like, drum of lube? Let me take a lot.

Has them always slipping off the track. A kid's price counter. And then pulling into the water. You know what I mean? It does appear that we have a 55-gallon drum of lubricant. We have uncovered some very uncomfortable realities. How many tickets would that run me, let me? Well, the Buster Sword with Fire All that does 66 damage is 50 tickets,

but the barrel of lubricant is 500. I don't set the prices. I'll take both. He rolls the barrel out, and you can hear the lube sloshing inside. What does it sound like? What does it sound like? He rolls it to your feet,

and then with one arm, he pulls out a real scale-sized buster sword, and he holds it out to you with one arm. Would you like anything else? I can throw in one of those tiny plastic frogs where you hold down the back of it. And then sort of goes perhaps six to eight inches. You have any of those like sticky slappy hands, you know?

Of course. We have hundreds of them. How many can seven tickets get me? You can get seven sticky slapy. One ticket each. I mean, I don't know. They don't seem that cool. For that price, I think I'd, you know, get 14. If your life, you'd be like 20 for all for a while. All right, I'll take seven. I'll take seven slappy hands.

Here you are, seven flappy hands. Don't wind them together. They're surprisingly difficult to untangle. You have to, like, hold the barrel and put the beers on top of the barrel. Like, you don't carry all this. Oh, no. What am I going to do? In this moment, like, just for a split second,

the entire 13 beers, like, blacks out, and I look up, and I just see, like, the rim of a door flashed with light. And then all the lights come back on. Huh, that's weird. Anyway, hey, Lenny. You might have you like checking the back to see if you have any of any ice three, lightning three material for this thing. I don't check.

I don't believe we have any original material. Well, he turns his back to check. I drink all the beers. He rummages around for a while. And he comes back and he's like, all we have is this white material. I don't believe it does anything. And he tosses it. Do do, do.

Bounces away. Oh, no, definitely doesn't do anything. It falls behind the prize counter. And he turns back to you. Are you sure that you don't want anything else? There are other customers waiting to redeem prizes. No, no, I'll take care of this whole grinder thing. Don't you worry.

You're gonna have a job. What's that? What does four take you to as your drinking threshold rises? So I did that, one, two, three, four. So I have seven drinks. You're up to plus three plus status effect roll. Yeah, that's what my question is, are you at a status effect?

And I think the answer is yes. I got one, you got two. I don't have one yet. It's 357.9. Oh, I got two. As you make your way up, you will spy your friends crossing the threshold in front of, regardless of which path you take,

because I'm the GM. You will spy your friends, but on the way, those four drinks hit you. Roll a D-204. War me. Whoa. 13. You feel empowered.

You've won all these tickets. You were able to stop the ninjas from capturing you and perhaps putting you in whatever life or death situation. Grindr is endeavoring to entrap and ensnare Galileo your friend with. You were kind to Brittany. You had a great prize redemption. You're carrying the Buster Sword and a 50-5th century. and a 55 gallon drum of lube, you gain plus two strength and agility for an hour.

Oh, wow. Plus two bonus, or plus two stats? Stats, basically push you up to your mods if you're like on the edge. It should give you a plus one. 12, so it's a plus one in each. It should, it should. I think I have to check the, what you call it,

the number breaks. We're back to the four of you, just before Knuckles has gone through this adventure and we'll be walking past the entrance to the communal eating area where the Mountain Williams play. What are your drinking totals right now? Does anyone need to roll for that? Four and I'm all up. Five. Is that two? I need to roll four? Yes. It's you. It's three to three and five. He only made Richmore once. So it's up to the GM. Just one roll for you at D20 to see how Gary is affected by the enormous amount of alcohol

surging through his veins. And the regret of murder. I got a 20 again. I mean, I got a 20. You can choose to keep what Andy has, or you may roll again. Now, let's mix it up. Let's mix it up. You move it's bad.

That's a three. Probably a good one. Lucky three. Roll a D6 for me. Oh, a D6. A two. A two. You stumble, and suddenly you see two of the tokens

slip out of your pockets, and they roll, and dis- here almost against the pattern of the carpet. You don't know. They're gone. But you've lost two tokens in your drunkenness. What? Some drunk asshole lost two of my tokens.

Oh, geez. Do you think it was Greg? Yeah, probably great that fucking drug. Oh, man. That sucks. That sucks. You know, when he was talking about how he can't wait to spend more time with his wife and his family.

What a loser. Yeah, what a loser. Yeah, I'm sorry to happen. Yeah. Why would you spend time with your love? is that a party and get the local cheats. I know. Yeah, what a loser.

It's in this moment that you turn and you see, oh, you're also. I throw out of three. Yeah. I'm also at three. Everybody's got a roll. Oh, yeah, three. Everybody's got a roll.

Oh, I got a 20 as well. Is that a really established? Just to like mix it up. Mix it up. Two. Two. You no longer want to drink beer. Ow.

And as you digest that, typically. I got a 19. A 19. Oh. You believe that the next stranger you meet is trying to kill you. Awesome. And as you're starting to process the beer that's flowing through you, it's in this moment that at the entrance on the other side,

there are no fingers to be found. There are no ninjas in any direction. This area seems to have been searched and then abandoned. It's just a birthday song over here, the sound of the band over here, the occasional person weeping into a pizza box over. here and you see on the other side a rhino, a tall rhino of a man holding a 55 gallon drum

under one arm and a buster sword over his shoulder on the other. As Knuckles rejoins the party. Knuckles! And I begin to shuffle towards you and full frontal nudity as I begin to shuffle towards you. Knuckles, I saved you a drink. I wasn't sure we got eight of them and Gary drank most of it,

but I saved one for you. I wasn't sure if you'd had drinks uh since when did little Andy join the party is it the bust or 55 gallon drop I think

55 gallon drummel blue yeah I'm a fucking genius fellas I was thinking what's the ninja's greatest weakness and my mom watches those shows with all of the the ninjas that wear the bandanas and the shorts and stuff

and they're always slipping off stuff because it's too slippery so I'm thinking what better than a 55 gallon drop Is he showing everybody his asshole too? Yeah. No, he did park car, but. Spreadsheek and everything.

Listen, the things that I do for distractions, okay, for us to get beer. I mean, well, it is super distracting looking at your wee Willie Wiggler. Yeah, and I think that it would be a little bit more grateful for the things that I do for my friends. The thing that was really strange about it, Knuckles, is that Andy took his pants down, but then Gary declared everyone in the room his enemy

and just killed everyone. So, functionally, there was no reason. for him to be... No, no, it was the reason because only Zane saw the death was coming. The others were totally unaware. They were fixated on my ass.

It just turned to black for them. It's like the end of the sopranus. Well, that would have stopped you? Which has it happened yet? Actually, she was one that was actually doing excellent. He's the one that it goes in and actually was very good. Oh, shit. Are you a future man, too? Yeah, no.

We passed this out last episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You hear a voice ring out suddenly across the se, uh, the communal eating area. The high-pitched shriek of a woman. she yells out and you all turn and just next to one of the birthday party there are children here

can you please put your pants on why are you talking about assholes there are children present for the love of all the voices down my pants with only one hand knuckles are you going to drive us nuts I'm going to run over to her and I'm going to spit acid on her

timid she's coming on for the acid spitz spitters you are not going to The best of me. I'm not even gonna make you roll for it. This is a random citizen and all of a sudden she, all of the kids scream and start to race out of the, it's like, yeah, who says? For a while this is happening,

as I try to pull my pants, my feet get to hang on, fall over. You fall over. And I'm like, I'm like kicking to try to pull my pants and it's tough because everything is moist and it's really hard. Yeah, it's really hard to pull, yeah, it's all horrible.

You get D4 tokens and then suddenly there's a secondary explosion. It was just like the pumpkin bomb from Spider-Man 1. The ceiling this time, though, explodes. This is not a concerned mom worried about the intoxicated adults of the local cheese. No. Instead, a whole blast open and you can see out into the night sky. And you feel the cool breeze of May 14, 1999. Yes.

Oh, my gosh. As all of a sudden, she's cool. air suddenly fills his space, but you are horrified to see a man covered in blades jump down and repel down, and land. Underneath one arm, the body, the unconscious body of February O'Hulahan, as landing in front of you is the eight foot tall grinder.

Covered in brilliant chrome razor blades foot to toe all the way. way to the top of his head and he turns to you, Galileo, I am growing impatient. I challenge you. And that's where we'll take a quick break. Rinder stands before you. I mean, just a type of sandwich.

I don't know why you guys laughing. It's a top of sandwich. It is. It's also, you know, like, you know, tomato growing up. Looking intimidating, covered in blades. Make the sunday sauce. My use is massive muscular arm out at Galileo.

You, you who left me to die after I fought and killed your master minor injury and defeated your three brothers, went into hiding, and now you are within my grasp. I don't care. How many? I don't, lost secrets of Consentenople you use. or that you killed the treasures of Constantinople

or that you killed my brothers or master minor injury or that you kidnapped my ex-girlfriend I care that defeating you means that we get to see the movie so bring it, Grindr, no matter how many fingers you want to use on each and every one of us to give us a hard time

I don't care how hard the time is and how many fingers you use, because we're going to take you down, grinder. Yeah, we're so tough. We can take so many fingers. Yeah, because look how those loo we rock. Look at how many fingers we've taken already. A full five fingers. Each, easy. He drops February O'Hulahent to the cold, hard linoleum floor of the local cheese, and he looks at you. His eyes flare beneath the mask as he stares.

I don't need my fingers. I can defeat you just with my fist. I needed all to roll for initiative. Hey! Initiative is... Oh, Gilles. Thank you, thank you. Agility.

I'm going to two. We're on last here. Ooh. Oh, seven. Four. I suppose I need to roll, right? Yeah. Unless ninjas always go first.

You know what? As you said. Correct. Exactly correct. As you said. Seven. Damn. Do you go first or should up?

Yeah, I'd like to go first. Yeah, Meltz's fucking arm around the bat. Fuck this guy out. Six or five, four. Four for me. Oh, four. You go first. I'll go first. I got a two. Okay, okay. Oh.

Njas always go first. And you surprised us. We're gonna need to clear the battlefield here for a hot second. Let's treat the cabinets in this case, rather than redrawing the whole thing as tables in the eating area, and just put yourself sort of circled around where you were when you were talking with Knuckles with his barrel of lube and his Buster sword. You were probably, we're trying to do this one.

You could probably come up the stairs. That's the entrance, but yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, we said the entrance is like over there. I was talking, yeah. Ow. Yeah, I was close as I gave my beard. And he walked up. Oh, yeah.

I shuffled over and then I pulled my pants up. pants up. I think then you're facing Grindr, and then we're in between you. Oh, yeah. I may have walked towards Grinder. We're grinder. Griner's right there. Oh, right here. He like came in from the... So that you're facing him probably not too far away and then Tiffany and gear are in between you guys. Like that? No, no. You're facing him here. You're closest to Grinder. Yeah. And then we're just in between kind of... Can you pull the hair off of him? Oh, yeah. Thank you. Boom, boom. Beard hairs everywhere. We can make him with it.

Let me pull up his... A bit. Let me pull up his... abilities and abilities with an assay and a grinder you need to get his HP down he always goes first because he's a ninja and he stands there and he assumes this martial arts pose and he looks at each one of you you are his friends you'll die just like the rest and he does this with his hand and then he does nothing with his turn picks why you What? Oh my God, get a pixel.

My name is Tiffany, but that's totally fine because I'm just a doll. I'm gonna look towards him, and I'm gonna look his outfit up and down. Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembley challenge? And then I'm going to spit acid all over. Wow. With my very lab smell sloth, I'm gonna spit up the last one.

spit up the last bit of acid I have in my tiny dull body. I didn't make a roll for it, but I believe you have to make a man a roll in order to, so is it a D20 for this? Yep, yep. And then add your mana. Beware, Tiffany. The path to watch. 20, not natural 20.

A dirty 20, so that'll pass. He's so surprised by this that he doesn't make him move. And so you are able to completely cover him, roll for damage. So he will take a D6, I'm assuming he has armor. He does have some amount of armor. So he's gonna take a D6. So then to take five damage and his armor's reduced by one.

All right, let me reduce that by his armor and his armor's reduced by one. Yeah. Wow, that's impressive. I'm basically useless for the rest of this because I broke my spark and I don't have any more spells. So. And that drops down to this.

You watch as the corrosive acid dulls the blades. He's still covered in chrome, but you can tell that attacks will be a little bit more effective against him. It's one more damage. six because I'm three drinks drunk. Oh yes. That's exactly. I will reduce him by an additional healing.

He holds his face and you can see the acidic vapors rise off of him. And he's, you, Tiffany, damn you. You've done. I have to keep track of how much damage you're doing, but go ahead. Anything else you want to do with your turn? No, my spork is broken, so I'm gonna look for beer. Make a quick presents, Jack?

13. 13. You do see a beer. It'll take an action to drink, but it's all the way on the other side of the eating area. Closer to where the Mountain Williams are performing. And they're still playing their music. The badass sounds that we're hearing right now are not what's actually happening diogenically, but it is really cool. Knuckles, you're up. Um, wait, so, gal, I mean, you don't care about any of that stuff.

I mean, you really gotta talk to somebody. I just feel like what's become of us? I mean, you don't care about your girlfriend or your dead family, Andy's showing off his scooch and Gary's murdering people. I mean, you know, this is why I always say that this is why they're unemployed. But, I mean, Gary gets to kill. The scary gets to kill eight people, and poor Mort's up of 25 to life

because he's just, you know, pushing some blow. This is how bad he's brothers in force? This is a problem with the criminal justice. That does a lot. Yeah, we're gonna start talking about recidivism rates very soon. Yeah, and like blow is totally a victimless crime. Anyway, I think I solved this whole problem and I kick over the drum of Lou.

And it's going to splooge out across the floor and hopefully go under all, at least basically the fighting area. Yeah, the entire arena is saturated with Lou. As he's trying to like do the handle bars and he lands or whatever, that he slips and falls and dies terrible. He may be burning, but he remains in that stance

and he continues to gesture to each of you to bring it on. And mechanically, I would like to use beer belch to, for the combat. That's clever. The deer to hit him is reduced by minus two. Okay. Okay. That's my turn. Oh, you've just permanently reduced the... For the combat, yeah.

Fantastic. And I can only use that one for combat, so that is... I guess I should... He's perfectly... Marge your character, she abused. That's fine, that's fine. I like that flavor. That's very clever. It's not that I don't care, Knuckles.

All right, man. It's just that there's only so much care that one kind of turtily guy who's also maybe a ninja sometimes. can give. And I care about you. I don't care about these guys. And I don't care the grinder. Put my other brothers,

Pythagoras, who was kind of a dick sometimes. Socrates and also Plato. He just put them through the meat grinder, as I were. And then, master minor injury. They had a whole feud. We inherited this kind of thing from him, man. We just thought it was like cool martial arts. We were,

figuring out and eating pizza and we inherited some kind of ancient blood feud and that was really lame man And February a hoolah had over there on the floor that he just dropped on the cold concrete well, I'm like that either But I really want to see this movie and I want you to be there with me I'll put my arm on your shoulder and I'll look into your eyes is Gail aren't you a frog I'm drunk. I can't have any more beers. Oh, time to light this guy up with a fucking lightning shirk! And I throw the lightning shirk, can't it? Griner.

Yes. Natural 20. Fucking 20, Derek! Double your dice, add your damage, you can. I'm gonna take him to the grind house. Exploding dice. I got a couple fingers for you. Oh.

So roll double dice. Oh, double dice. Yeah, for a crit. So roll your double. And then any of their... and rolls max, you get to roll again. That's crazy. Yeah.

Not quite. None of them max. That's okay, though. That's a fuckload of damage. But nine damage from the Lightning Shuriken. Nine. Plus one. Ten.

And he's minus his armor. I don't know. Yes, he'll take, he reduces the damage by less. No. You have the Lightning Shuriken. What happens when you crit? It only forgot.

The Lightning Shuriken destroys all armor. His covered in all of these chrome spikes and everything, everything shreds as the lightning hits him. There's this enormous crash and he falls down. There's a great cacophony of sound as all of the metal slams into the floor covered in a lube, whatever that sounds like, perhaps like denim being slapped against wet denim.

He crashes to the floor, sizzling. sizzling as you have in one move defeated Grindr. He looks up at you. What? He looks up at you. Defeated, no, impossible. I defeated your brothers. I defeated minor injury.

I had a huge rivalry with him. And by defeating you, there was a whole honor thing that was going on. I refuse. He pulls out a canister. of mutagen. And he cracks it. And he drinks it up.

His arms. Suddenly huge tetrilo style starts to surge and blast as he becomes Mega Grindr. Oh shit. It's Mega Grinder. Do that. Have you seen Mega Grindr before?

Oh, yeah, man. Everyone knows Mega Grindrinder. This is how he got Master Minor Injury, man. He went to Mega. Ten feet minor every time. A master of minor every time. A master of minor. martial arts and no longer holding back you watch

as Mega Grindr, imposingly stands above you all. 10 feet tall, he'd say? Yeah, 10 feet tall. He's grown more. He's absolutely massive. This gets to Gary, it's your turn. Yeah. Is he wearing anything?

No, he is barely wearing clothes. You can see the pulsing muscles of mutation underneath. His face is gnarled and scarred from the acid that he was hit by earlier. He's breathing heavy. I think he still has the cool mouthpiece that Treader has, because obviously this is an analog. But you imagine that he has a natural armor.

It's like a leather mask. Yeah. Oh, hey guys. Yeah, you know what, Nuggles? You really is fucked up that Moritz's gonna go 25 to life You know, this world really is fucked up. And you know, it's true that the coffee pot at the local 12 steps meeting has done more

to combat addiction than the entirety of the DEA, but I gotta need you to kill. Grinder, you may be bigger, but the bigger than nuts, the easier to punch. And I just skate forward as I whip out my own plastic cutlery. Oh. Probably some branded little spoon

that came in a cereal box that changes color when you put it in one. Oh, yeah. It changed plastic. Yeah, yes. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Oh, incredible. And I will skate underneath his legs,

presumably, and I will try to do my classic. I keep in mind, you're using strength now. Oh, yeah. This is melee. That's my as well. Well, I would have moved up here, no. Yeah, you're fine. I think he technically has to belch in melee range.

It was awesome flavor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I used. Nice. That's a 17. 17 hits. Okay. Hold on.

Ah, fuck. It's okay. 1D4 for plastic cut. Max. Wait, Max. Plus your damage. That's seven. And that I don't roll again.

Should be six, right? Plus two drinks. Oh, plus two. Plus two. Plus two. Plus two. Plus two. So six total damage.

And you exploded so you go again. Great. Six, nine points of nut punch damage. Total. Ah! Reach up with your cutlery, this special cereal spoon or fork. And you punch into him as you slide.

Rollerblading between his legs, it's a powerful hit. It's like punching one of those fitness balls that you have in the gymnasium. It is a powerful nut sack. You've never punched something more, more, more. Like a medicine ball. It's like a medicine ball, right?

It's like one of those leather punching bags. You're like a medicine bite, you break your hand. I do the punch and I skate through his legs and I end my movement on the other side of them. I grab my hand, ah, a formidable foe. We will remember this unless, Andy, can you do better? I am, I got one, my left hand, I'm hiking up my pants. My fly is still undone, even though I've managed

to butt in my pants. That's good. I have my katana in my right hand, I watch all of this absolute chaos is happening. And I say, oh, mega grinder. Oh, now this is a fight. Hell yeah, Gary, let's do this thing. And I'm going to run in, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25,

uh, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. And I'm gonna, like, get next to Gary here. And, oh, no, he's right there. I'm sorry, I can stop right in front of him. I got confused. I thought this was the bad guy and that was Gary. I went through it. I went, I'm going to attempt to hit him with my katana.

Uh, and plus one to my agility. Uh, for this. Oh, sorry, plus one of my strength for this attack, but I have sword master, which is minus 2DR when attacking with a sword. Okay. That'll be a 13 to hit. That hits.

1D.10, I guess seven, so I do not explode, but I add one from my plus one damage effect for a total of eight points of Malkatana damage. Take that, make a grinder. You slash into him and once again he, uh, grimmises through the pain, There's a tremendous amount of blood in anime level sprays across you as you hit him with this katana.

But he still seems severely annoyed by the nut punch that Gary delivered unto him. And per his stat block, he is now blind with rage. At the start of each of his turns, he targets the enemy that dealt the most damage to him within his movement. That's Gary. He turns around and cracks both of his knuckles

and delivers two devastating martial arts punches. I needed to dodge twice. Oh my God. Oh no. Die. Oh, no. Oh, that's devastating. Fritzels of four, I'll roll the other one.

Fritzels was a four. Okay. The other one is a 16. All right, you have six points of martial arts damage coming in at you. Roll for your armor. So that's four points of damage. Four points of damage as he misses with the first one,

but he manages to come up with a knee and crack you right in the face. Kerslapp, you take this right against the face and you're stunned as you get knocked back by this powerful blow of mega grinder. Oh God, I think a sack hit him in the chin. Oh, Tiffany. So if I don't have a weapon

and I'm out of spelled slops, what are my options? Your options are, I did describe the beer that is there if you wanted to go and spend your turn drinking that, you could. But if you are looking for weapon, you're in an eatery. This is a cafeteria. He had blades it off. He's not wearing anything. Could I, I'm 12 inches and he's 10 feet. Could I go up to him and rip out one of his hangnails?

Just know that it hasn't happened yet, but missing against this guy is bad. That's okay. Tiffany doesn't know that. So Tiffany would look at the beer. Yeah, Tiffany would look at the beer and think about how much she wants it, but then like Gary just literally got punched in the body. and almost died. He's probably not doing so well. Sure. So I'm just gonna see that hangnail just sticking out a little bit. And I'm gonna try and unzipper him.

I don't want you to do it, but please do it. So what would be, would I use agility or strength? Well, yeah, I just love to the GM, so generally a melee attack is strength, but if you, you know, if you make an argument for agility and the GM feels good about that, that's totally kosher. All out.

Agility? I prefer. So all, it will be a, 14. Nice. That does it. And just for the sake of brevity, I will tell you that in his massive form, his DR has dropped from 12 to 10.

Oh, amazing. Does that include with the minus two from the beer belt? That would have been his first form, but I'm gonna give it because you spent 500 tickets on the Louvre in order to flavor it, and I am very happy to continue to allow that. I basically give this. His DR is now eight.

Oh my gosh. I'm down like a six. I can't miss. I can't miss. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna rush over, and I'm gonna, both hands on this hangnail because he's very tall. This is awful.

And I'm gonna look at him. You're a virgin that can't drive and I'm gonna rip it out. It's how much damage? Like what do I roll? What would be your spork damage? My sport damage is a D4. Now I'm gonna give it to you a D4? I love that.

All right, let's hope for a four. It is a two, so it's a three. Three points. You still do damage. You, uh, sounds like a Ziploc bag opener. As a, without even knowing that Tiffany was there, you say these words, what? And then you pull this and there's an echoing screen

that evaporates between, even the Mount and Williams stopped playing for a moment, like, damn. And that brings us back to Knuckles' turn. What do you have? Oh my God. What the fuck, Mickey? I'm a disaster. I will say that,

Thematically, or non-diagetically, I'm still in the back, and I haven't approached him yet. But I now have this, I have now a second Buster Sword with the Fyroga Materia in it. FIraga all. So this is it, because I had one, however many moons ago. You were recognized the way. You were destroyed when you used it.

Oh, right, yeah. It's just, oh, did I, was it destroyed? It was, if that was the end of the animatronics, like the very first few sessions, I think it was all destroyed. Yeah. But again, I'm just trying to maintain Mary. What does...

GM can say whatever they want. What does the... What damage does the buster sword with the Fyraga material? It would be Fire 3 material. Oh, Fire 3. Fire Raga's not in this. The Blue Blueprint didn't know what they were here.

Fire Raga is not until later. Fire 3. What's your strength? 20. 20. So with an 18 strength requirement, you do 6D6 damage. Wow.

No go. I don't know if we saw But I picked up another Buster Sword And you know I felt with all this combat we've had over the last couple weeks

I felt stupid traded in my last Buster Sword down at the game store But I mean Given that last year It was 1998 How could I not

Turn it in So that I could pick up Baldus Gate Sonic Adventure Zelda Ocarine of Time Mario Party 3 Marvel Buses Cop Cam Starcraft

Grim Dago, Metal Gear Solid, Half-Life, Grand Toreno, Bandro Cazui, Turoc, Resident Evil 2, Pokemon Red, Pokemon Blue, Spiro, Star Wars Rogue Squadron, Warrior Land 2, Tomb Raider 3, F0X, I mean, months ago, that was the right decision. I do the Omni slash animation and I'll attack. Oh, hey, is this a loom, is this a loop, oil-based? D-R-8, come on, baby. 14 to hit.

Yeah! That hits. Easy, how much? Fix, Z, six, six. He's a fireball. That hits six explodes. Each one. So roll them all, add it up,

take the sixes out roll again. That would be the easiest way to do it. And then don't forget to add your plus for being super job. You add that at the end. That's what it's all. I didn't roll very well. That's okay. You gotta explode though, but.

So add everything up. Oh. No, I would say just add them all up. So six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 15. Now I'd roll the up. Seagintin, 18, 20. 21.

Normally this would be less three. Oh. No, you're up to seven, that's plus three. Oh, you're up to seven? I think you're taking, yeah, plus three. So hold on, so I rolled, what are the dice? 20. 20. Okay, 20.

I have three from the drinks. Yeah. I have eight drinks. Yep. I have four strength. You don't add your strength. Oh, got it. You just straight up.

Normally this wouldn't explode, but I have demolition expert, which includes the dice range by one, so I explode on five war sex. Six. That's a one. That's a one. That's a one. That's a one. That's a one. That's very confusing. I know. I don't know. So 25, one. 27. 27. 27. I mean, this guy's Swiss chains. Or something that's right. 25. 21. 21. 29. 29. The original dice. Plus three.

29 points of damage. Nice. This guy's cuts. This guy's cut. It's absolutely cut. You start to speak the incredible lineup of. games and media and movies that are coming out with each slash, shing, shing, shing, Omni slash style. Fire cuts across each one of these strikes as you cast FIRAGA with it. And how do you want to do this?

Fire three. Fire three. What was Cloud's ultimate limit break? Was it Omni? Omni Slash was his ultimate, but he had a variety of delicious. There was Klemhazer. There's cross slash.

Cross slash. Cross slash. Yeah. Oh. Climhaver. What was it? Klemha. Climhaazard.

Klamhazard. I used like the weirdest, lameous most obscure like middle. Clenhazer is the one where he digs in and then just jumps up and then lands back. Yes. He's up B and Super Spass Brothers. Oh, okay.

So that's what I do is I run him through and then I up B and land back and I turn to fight him again. I realize that it's cut him in half. It's burst in flames. All the way in half and while he's on fire. And so he's like, like this. He starts to split and in the moments

that he is starting to peel apart, you can still see his eyes focus on you in terrible grim determination of vengeance, Galileo. No, so close to my part. And he splits apart, splashing against the lube-covered floor. there's for a moment silence. Not even the band

is playing their music as you all stare down at the destroyed body of Mega Grinders. Holy hell. No, because that was insane. That was awesome. And that was awesome! New weekly plan.

50 tickets each. We all get busted shorts the moment we walk in here. It's in this moment that you are holding the first, buster sword, and, like everything, at the price counter, it's a cheap piece of crap, and it crumbles in your hand, shattering like the last one. Oh, no. That didn't last that. Guys, there's no way they'll pass that for next week. Oh, man, it's a good thing you traded that first one in for all those games, man.

That was awesome. Mega Grindr, I guess, after all, wasn't that fitting. After what it's happened to them, they ought to call them shredder. Huh. Who's drunk it? Because you got to fred it. Yeah, no, I'm with you. I mean, like, you could call him Splitter too,

because he was like split down the middle. Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, straight in half. The animatronic band, known as the Mountain Williams, immediately jump back into action and begin playing their usual music. And in the distance, you hear, and you turn to see Reginald, the manager.

You got him. I thought it was a god. Yes, Reginald, we got him. Posser fine. Well done. Thanks, Gary. He and his finger gang, they were terrorizing all of our patrons.

Oh, yeah, man, but we neutralized them. No more fingers on your patrons, not around here, man. I'll have somebody clean all of this up. Yeah, I mean, like, it's crazy, because I thought that it couldn't get worse than them all butt stabber, and then the fingers showed up. Oh, God.

Pulse stabber was around and I had my pants down. That's terrifying. And none of us were terrorizing any of your patrons. No, don't worry about that. All those, I can't believe that those mass intruders had lightning powers. Oh, yeah. That poor office party, I can't believe they did just fry up all the pieces. Oh, terrible to see.

In addition to whatever prizes we get for beating this guy, I think we should get free drinks for the night. Yeah. Oh, you know the rule. The rule is a two drink maximum. What? I did make a promise. Which one of you were the one to take him down? Well, I mean, I took down his second form, but I mean, you know, if you count each of his faces as like, you know, a take down, it was both of us.

That was me and gal. Oh, we didn't kind of do it together there, man, if that's the question. I stripped him down. The men of the hour. I got all his clothes off, and then Knuckles really just rammed his sore straight into him. I split him in half like a log. Straight down the middle. It was $5,000 for defeating him, so here.

2,500 tickets for you both. We all help, we all help. We all helped. It was 5,000 for the people who defeated Grindr and his terrible fingers. That eat, you dummy. Did you not hear the instructions earlier? Man. Look, you're making it really hard for me to even root for you here when Reggie's standing. Perhaps if there's some other terrible threat, and I can't imagine what that could possibly

look like. Perhaps I'll make another bounty for another 5,000 tickets, but it's extremely, unlikely that sort of thing doesn't happen around here we only need the 5,000 look can you just take them back in it's all good gosh we just need five tickets to the premiere of the Phantom Menace on opening night yeah we want to trade all these in for the movie tickets man we want to go see the Phantom Menace you only afford you to one ticket it's 4,000 tickets per ticket what I had a little point of this no this was going to get us yeah we were told a thousand tickets a ticket for 1,000 tickets man no it's 4,000

That sounds familiar now that it's... No, there's no way! There's no way! Because I don't think I was at, I know you're right. I mean, I had five hundred feet of seven tickets, and I think that I wasn't half a ticket. Oh, bad. And even if I didn't say that, it was two weeks ago.

It's hot in here. I'm gonna go fix me AC, and then we're gonna fix this roof and we're gonna clean up all of this lubricate. By the law, it's a private establishment you can do what you want? Wait, so you're saying that we only have enough for one premier ticket? I mean, yeah, and to be fair,

the 90s are slowly starting to dwindle and inflation just gonna rise. Oh, look, keep your chin up. It's only 8.30 p.m. There's still plenty of night left for you guys to win tickets. Do you guys sell like a 20-foot-long trench coat at the game counter? We sell everything at the game counter. Oh, gosh, I got an idea. Well, Reggie, what if we give you an IOU and give our solemn oath to be the Protector's with the local cheese. I mean, look at what has happened.

I mean, that dude came in swinging. We all got fisted, and then we lubed him up and split them in half. We'll do the same to any big bad that comes in this establishment. Splo strut their clothes down, too. I don't think some of that you described happened here. I appreciate your enthusiasm,

but I would need to get approval from corporate, and it's Friday night. We're going to run operations the way that we always run operations. I guess we gotta keep playing games there. Well, this guy had the ancient treasures of Constantinople, man. You know what could have happened here? Well, for what he said, we don't know if that's true.

He could have been lying. You think that ooze wasn't from the Catholic Church? That's really... Yeah, I mean, absolutely. The mutagen? I mean, the mutagen. You should have did to him? It turned to me something crazy?

That was pretty crazy. Yeah. How many tokens did he exploded to? Oh, that's a good question. Zart luck, none. I think it is mega-oomers. Well, here's the idea, too. I mean, at the end of the day,

I've got 10 tokens before whatever this happens, and that's 10 tries at the Tower of Power. 2D 20 tokens each. Whoa. Come on, baby. Oh, 19? Oh, my God. Five and two.

Dude, me too. 19-13. I literally rolled a five and a two. I've got 17 plus 11. What is that? 28. 28 plus by 2. That's 30.

This is tokens? Yeah. Yeah. Reggie pushes his glasses up onto his pimpled face and pulls his pants up high well over his waist and onto his stomach. And he looks at each of you. Now I'm going to get this place cleaned up. If you will please leave the area and continue to enjoy the games. Do you wear them that high because of the butt stabber? No, it's way down by this point. You're just really worried about the butt stabber.

I'm not worried about the butt stabber. Look, you're just wearing your pants kind of a lot. We have, we have security here. We can take care of any problem. Wow, where is the security here, man? This was a, this is a criminal organization. It's different. Oh, that's pretty fair.

Yeah, those guys suck, man. The fingers, they suck. Oh, they're dead now. Yeah. Oh, I think your husband is crumpled in the pile over the corner there. Oh, February, February, Oluen. Oh, no. also completely covered in Loub.

Sorry about that. Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah, hey, February. Did you see the unconscious body of February covered in Lou? Listen, wait. Galileo. I'm with you, And then. You got a safer.

But think about what happened between you two. Just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. I don't think any of us can watch you get your heart broken again. Oh, wow. Do the right thing. But watch out for yourself, man. Yeah. That was touching and everything you said.

I think that made a lot of sense, okay? Yeah. But she's covered in lieu, man. How have you seen her outfit? I'm trying not to look. It's hard not to look. You gotta stop looking. She's my ex-girlfriend.

I'm trying not to, man. This is really hard to look. You gotta, and you gotta zip up those pants. You can't now. Well, you can't now. I just, yeah, I'm trying not to look at Laleo. Can you blame you? Go save her, Prince Charming.

Offer her your hand. I thought I was supposed to save her. She's a total betty. Okay. You race over. Hey, February. You shoved the body of February. And cinematically, yeah, yeah.

She slides forward every time you get her over and she eventually wakes up. She shaking her head and she looks up at you with her big eyes. Galileo? This is February O'Hulahann. Oh, hey, I know. I know. We know each other. I just saved you from a big ninja guy.

You saved me from from Grindr? Yeah, I saved you, I found you in the arms of Grindr and I was like, no way. Mega Grindr. Oh, and they turned it a mega grinder. Oh, he did, he kidnapped me. Oh, yeah, not anymore though. He demanded that I remained seated and silent and completely at his mercy. Naturally, I agreed to just one of those.

But you saved me. You saved me, February O'Hulahan. Oh, a grinder put you in the chair while all the grinding was happening? I haven't seen you. in so long. Yeah. That's been like a whole week. Or I mean, even earlier today when you covered the no scope guy.

Was that you a week ago when I did the no scope one? I thought I saw you, but you disappeared. Yeah. I mean, we moved pretty quick around here. You know, we're drinking and partying and playing games, and it's kind of a big deal. I mean, some of us hold some pretty high scores on these machines. Galileo, you've been avoiding me. What?

You have been answering my calls? ever since everything went down with Grindr. You've been avoiding me, and... I guess it's just like the death of my brothers or whatever. You don't even fight crime anymore. I never find you in the sewers. I even did a whole bit on the news channel about turtles and one of them bit off one of my fingers.

Oh, no, a turtle sucks. I just kind of look like a turtle sometimes. I'm actually a frog. Did she say she down a whole finger? Wow. I missed that? What the hell? I mean.

Why they keep talking about turtles? I'm just... We weren't allowed to do a segment about frogs. It had to be turtle. I thought it was close enough. No, turtles are more marketable. I get it. I get it.

Everybody's got a boss. You channel, whatever. It's always so hard to keep track. No, I understand that turtle thing. I'm so glad I found you. Really? You wouldn't want to maybe try again, would you? I mean...

I mean, look at you, February. I look back at Andy. I'm like, I give you like a knowing nod. A lot of guys. No, no, no. Tell her you moved on and you just want her to go and have a nice career. Do what's in your heart.

And then you're gonna party with your bros. No, do what's in your heart, Galeigh. No, you're gonna tell her, no. You're gonna tell her good day and joy, enjoy it. No, no, no, you're gonna tell her, have a, have a good life. Have a good life. This is tough.

This is tough. Oh yeah, I was just so I was it yeah I did I did almost all on my own too what do you say? Yeah, let's do it again Like a cheap suit all under zero pressure. Yeah, she she wait you won't hurt me again right? I will never hurt you I'm February over the hand It's all good man me and February were back together. She said she never heard me again I'm I'm worried that he didn't hear what I said I'm worried he didn't take you know I know I know we're on unemployed and I know that we're, you know, we have drinking problems. I would have thought that he would have listened to us a little bit deeper.

I guess that Galileo is the kind of guy who needs a strong, confident woman with the good career. Yeah. But I feel like he's just going to get hurt again and then be all bummer to hang out with. Trying to talk about that cool pod races. Let's hope for the best then. Let's just wish them well and hope for the best, Gary. Oh, February. I had to run a scooter to get here. Can I borrow the van like when we eventually leave tonight? I'll find my way home. I don't live... No, no, I mean, like, you can also be in the van. I need to shower and clean up.

You enjoy the rest of your night here. Oh, okay. I'm going to take knuckles with me, too, because, you know, obviously. I'm going to take nobles. Yeah, obviously. God, it's February's back. What? I'm eating a Tupperworm spaghetti.

I'm so glad that I finally found you, and she reaches up and gives you a few lube hand pats on your face, and then she gives you a quick peck on the lips. Be careful, or we're going to have to advise user, viewer discretion. This is the greatest character that Derek's ever invented. I love it. I love it when you said a viewer discretion thing. She turns and looks at all of you and says, thank you.

And then she walks, slipping a little bit, but walks out past Reginald and past the rest of of you and out of the local cheese, with a spark of hope and romance in her heart that didn't exist until you saved her from Grindr. Goodbye February. I mean, I guess goodbye, goodbye, Gary, goodbye, Andy, goodbye, Tiffany. Man, like a little rude.

Yeah, that was a little. Goodbye, uncles. She never really paid us much time. Yeah, I know. I think she only, Andy, I think February only tolerates us. Yeah. I don't think you like that.

No, I mean, that's definitely true. I don't think you tolerates. Oh, man, she likes you guys. You know what? No, she doesn't. Now that I think about it, that was a really happy conclusion. I think about all my exes, and I don't think any of them ended well, and I think they'd all be evil exes, and I don't think that any of them would ever take me back.

Oh, listen, man, I mean, just like, what are the chances that 26 times doesn't work out? 26 times? Yeah. How often do you get with your exes? Never. They don't talk to me ever again. Never? No, she always says no.

No. No. I tried this whole song and dance with Gowl before. Dang. As long as I can remember and he always makes the same decision. So, you know what I say? Everybody's got to make their own mistakes. Yeah.

That's part of growing up, right? We're getting the stakes? I mean, if you're treating. Oh man, I'm flush with tokens, bro. We get the steak nachos. We get close enough. We got another problem we have to solve. We've only got a lot.

one ticket to the premiere. Oh, my plan. You have a plan? Oh yeah, man. The plan. Yeah, listen. Well, they sell our 20-foot trench code down at the gift exchange thing, man, for the tokens, the tickets. Well, we use the other thousand we got between us, knuckles, and then we get a really big trunch coat and we stand on top of each other's shoulders. And we go on with one ticket. It's foolproof, man. You know, I actually think that's a pretty good plan. Wait a minute. I'm saying. I mean, Tiffany, I aren't very. tall. Well, you guys have to be the top. It's got to be Knuckles than me, the Galileo. Wait a minute. Either Tiffany or you, depending who's going to be the head.

Wait a minute. Go see if Mega Grindr has his ID and see if it and Phyllis is hide out there. Oh, okay, okay. I feel like I can do a pretty good mega grinder impression. Okay, hold on. Oh, he had said that he was really excited for the movie, man. That's all that's all that's all right. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, yeah, yeah, wait, wait, see this has his ID there. But before you do, if you do find another ticket and we've only only got two. I'm willing to give up the premiere. Oh, enough that talk, man. Let's search his pockets, see what we can find and make a planet if it doesn't work. We use Park Car. And if that doesn't work, we use ancient enemies. You know. And we get in together, Andy.

I do think that this version of Park Car worked a little bit better than the last version of Park Car and I might be able to improve upon it before the premiere. We got time, man. We got time. All right, all right, all right, all right. Search is off. We're not giving up on this right before Y2K. This is the biggest entertainment event of the millennia. You think maybe he's such a good boss? Maybe he got all of his fingers of kicking? There's so many fingers. Yeah, but I don't know.

The dude seemed pretty well off. You see how fucking huge he got at the end of the end? Maybe he ran to the theater, man. Maybe we could do a private showing. A rifle through his pocket. Or we hope to find his wallet. Make it present test. And as you do, rifle through one side,

which is very, very far away from the other side of his pockets. You have to, like, sort of swim through the loo of you. He can hear Reggie, what the fuck? and you find his wallet. Oh, yeah. Scroll of ancient secrets of grudges? What do you get on your test? That's not relevant.

A four. Four. Yeah, man. You find his ID in one pocket. Gary. But it's cut in half. Well, this is so good. That means we have two of his ID,

so we can get two trench coats, And then we don't, oh my God. Double mega, Grider. Oh, man, I found his ID cut in half. That may or may not help. I did find 20 tickets to the premiere at here also. What pocket did he keep his follow of him?

You know? Oh, yeah, he's not wearing any pants. Guys, I think only one of us. Ew! You don't need to lick your hand. There's loop everywhere. You sick permanent? I think only one of us used to go.

Tiffany, I'm sorry. I know that you were the most excited to go see Star Wars. I know that you're going to take it the hardest. But I think we have to let Galileo and Knuckles go. I'm an agreement. I'm an agreement. You know, this was, look, this was their journey. They're on a quest now.

And you know what? Maybe the three of us can hang on and do something else that night. But if we only have one ticket, how can both of them go? That's a good point. Oh, that's right. Well, that's up to them, but I've taken my hat out of the ring. Wait, Gallo, you didn't finish looting him. He dropped the full set of Rogue T1 gear from Milton Corp.

Oh, shit. Nightstalker? That's just sick. Maybe you can put that whole set on, and you can just fucking be a ninja yourself and steal the other tickets. Whoa, Core House, too. Oh, that's awesome.

A whole set of Nightstalker, the Courthons, too. And 20 tickets. Galileo dons the full set of nightstocker armor and steals three days. Instead, a variety of staff arrive, and you are ushered out of the cafeteria area before you can continue to explore the corpse of Mega Grindr. You find yourselves out on the arcade floor

staring at a number of patrons. Now it's almost as though this place wasn't besieged by a number of ninjas moments ago. No, they're, back to their games, their drinks, tokens, and tickets, and lights in all directions. You see the prize counter just in front of you where you can redeem perhaps the first of your Phantom Menace tickets

or find more loot and goods and prizes, rewards, things that might help you get that next number of tickets that you need to perhaps get the full set of Phantom Menace tickets. And that's what you see as you rush her down. Knuckles, I've got 30 tokens. I'm going to give them all to you. I hope you're ready to crack some crabs.

You don't have to say that twice. Give them here. And I walk up. I'm going to crack some crabs and I'm going to balk some synapsids. And I'm going to, at the same time, put in two tokens in the dino bong and in a cracky crab, grab two mallets.

and I'm gonna try to play simultaneously. And I'll spend all my tokens and all Gary's tokens. You begin to do that when Tiffany, something catches your eye. Oh, no. And you look over and you see another doll like you, a doll that's very commonly paired with other Tiffany's, very much like the box Tiffany that you know is now still watching the staff clean up.

lube and blood-covered floor and eating a small piece of pizza. You look over and you see his broad shoulders, his sandy blonde hair, his unnervingly symmetrical face. You see Gryon Rossling. A toothpick out of one mouth and he pulls it out and he looks up at you. Hey. Brian. Tiffany.

You said you'd call the next step. But in boy time, that means Thursday, so it's okay. I heard you were here. I didn't believe it. Then I didn't. I totally love it when you believe. You want to make some tickets? Uh-huh.

There's an escape room, and I hear you can drink all you want in there. And you can get a lot of tickets if you can solve the mystery. I, like, totally have an extra hand, and I don't. I don't know if you knew this about me, but I'm androgynous, which means I can use both the same way. What is happening? I just need six people to go in there and solve the escape room with me. We could make a lot of tickets. Okay, so here's the thing.

Myself, plus my four friends, make six, so the six of us could go in there and do the escape room with you. If plastic, if vinyl could sweat, I'd totally be wet right now. Oh. Come on. It's right this way. Sure, let me put my pony up higher. You adjust your pony. And Gryon Rossling swings a perfect, immaculate, undamaged jean jacket over his shoulder.

And he starts to walk in the direction of the escape room, waiting you, waiting for you, waiting for your friends. And you stare longingly at his perfect behind. And that is where we will end tonight's session. Ah! For Tiffany.