Legends of Avantris - Beneath Dark Wings | Ep. 60 | Animal Antics: Part 2

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

The party is polymorphed into desert animals. Hilarity ensues...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris     Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/1CZccnJNdqk?si=Y2iPkXSl91QhZCqQ

Welcome to Legends of Evantris. I'm Iris and you're listening to Beneath Dark Wings. Here's what happened last time. And it's imperative you break whatever conduits, whatever seal, whatever magics, dark powers, are sapping Anubis's life force and giving it to the god of chaos. Armored and jeweled is the...

is the outfit of the false god Noob Satan as he steps out of his sarcophagus and heaves a massive blade. We will get vengeance for Milo, and I'm going to use Toll the Dead to shatter the... It gongs out and immediately... It completely cracks and falls to the ground. The conduit goes dark,

the line going towards that arc in the center. is now struck. You've got this, buddy. Are blasted with this true polymorph of sorts as it immediately begins to shift and change your body, and you all morph and change shape, and some of you grow and some of you shrink, or at least one of you shrinks,

and you turn, and after the magic blasts out, The room now is quiet. As the crown sits, no magic humming from it. The walls have no longer, are no longer triggering any kind of magical curse. But in this room are five animals. And they're five animals of the desert, but not quite how you'd expect them on a ventras,

similar to your camel friend. What's his name? Shrapon. Thank you. Same one name. Larger than all of the animals that you had seen. Very Akirian. And I, Caprice, your body has elongated.

You've lost all of your limbs. You have a hood as you have turned into an Akirian Dyer Cobra. Whoa! How big is an Akirian Dyer Cobra? Oh my God, we have character sheets. It's pretty. What's your one? decided you get for this shit handy.

Toa. It's like the voodoo dolls all over again. Toa, you have elongated, you are, your height hasn't grown, but you are large and sturdy, and lots more squat as you turn into an Akirian, die or donkey. No. You're gonna be able to kick holes in doors.

Oh, it's a donkey. Boopty, you are shocked. As normally being the shortest one of the group, you are now looking down at all of your friends, as you have a very long neck as you've turned into an Akirian Dyer giraffe. Yay! We're gonna like fuck shit up as Dyer and-Horse. Iris, you have shrunk and you're used to having fur, so that sounds right,

and you're used to having fuzzy ears, but your ears are much, much, much larger. Your snout is elongated as you've transformed into an Akirian-Dyre Fenic Pops. And Felix. I never want to go back. Dyer Butterfly, Dyer Butterfly. You have shrunk considerably. Oh no. As everyone else is larger than you.

And you feel like you have a long tail behind you and an elongated nose as you've turned into an Akirian dire shrew. Oh, no! Yes! And as you look around, suddenly you feel the entire pyramid begin to shake and shift. And you and the room around you is violently shaking.

And you suddenly see the stones of this room above you is now sand is pouring through. As you realize now that you're going down. As the pyramid shakes and shakes and shakes and moves as you hear the sound of sand crashing against the walls of this structure.

And when it finally settles, more sand is pouring through the very tops of this space. As you realize now, transformed into these Akirian Dyer animals, that the limestone pyramid, the tomb of the false, has sunk beneath the dunes once more. Oh my God. Did you have ten of these printed out? Yeah.

What were the other ones? Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. It was the, the, the jackal was the re-roll. Jackal was the re-roll. I mean, the general.

Because it has the skull on its horrible cursed. I'm not being. Which is aminal. I'm a giraffe. How are we going to get the crown? How are you going to escape? Can we talk to each other? No, right?

You don't know. I would assume not. If it's like a true polymorph, we became like, animals. He did specifically say true polymores. But, but we're true polymorphed into a Kiryan diary. And so we don't know if Strapan just didn't talk to us because he didn't want to.

So Curian means of Harakir. Yes, yes. You are in the now still lower chamber of this great limestone pyramid. You still see the few streams of sand coming in from the gaps in the bricks. but it doesn't seem like it's filling up the pyramid is still and you look around and you see four Akirian animals that were once your friends

looking down I realized that my body has changed yeah you're a cobra and I'm probably bigger than I was before because I'm like a big huge long super cobra now yeah you're a large creature Large creature? Large creature. Can I speak?

Can I tempt to speak? You is temp to speak, and you feel, you hear Caprice's voice come out of me. Guys? No. Yes? Is that you, Toa? I think so.

You sound like Toa, but it's different somehow. I quote my hoose. I need everyone to look at me. I'm the cutest thing in the world. I was going to say, and you really are. I run around really fast. Oh, you are looking really cute. That's great, Iris. Why is everybody so tall? Oh, you're so small. You look you too. What? You could ride on my back. What? And lower my big tall head down. What's going on? What happened? You're a mouse with a really long.

knows. Oh. Is that what you are? I'm going to like concentrate and like try to see if I can dispel the magical. So like do I feel like, do I know that we were hit with magic? Do I feel like- Yes, you know that you were hit with magic? I'm not like concentrating and try to like focus on the weave and see if I can contact it and see if I can dispel this.

Yeah. You channel, and I don't even make you roll for it, you have lost your magical abilities. Oh. You have turned into a shrew with the mind and the speech of feelings. the speech of Felix, and that's about all you. Oh, this is so bad. I can't feel a reef. I can't, I can't make flame.

I can't cast magics. I feel like I can't channel leave my abilities either. I mean, I feel like I could do things with my donkey legs. I feel like I'm physically incapable of throwing up anymore. Look at how tall you are. I mean, she's gotta be like as big as the chamber, right? She's very tall. Dyer giraffe.

Yeah. Oh, this is not good. What are we going to do? We can't, we can't continue on with our mission. We're fucking here. We're thuck. It's exactly right. Why are you talking like that?

I'm a cobra. Do we still see the opening of the chamber of us? I didn't stick my head out of it. Yeah, yeah. do, and as you look up, you realize that in the rustling and the shaking of the stone, the rope has become undone and fallen into the chamber. Oh, shit. I can't.

Should we? I mean, is the crown still there in the ark? The crown is just sitting in the, yeah, the arc, and now it had been glowing with that same kind of magic, but after, basically it's the arc of the covenant, but instead of a bunch of Nazis getting their face melted, you all turn into Diana. Oh, great. Because we're a family friend. I prefer this in my face bubbling off like the cheese from a hot pizza. A little more wholesome.

Can you see all the way up in the chamber there? I try to stick my head up through the hole in the chamber. It's too tall for it. It's too tall for you. It's too tall. You're tall, but you're not that big. I don't think we even if I, you know, even if we had the rope. my big spotted heinie can't fit through there anymore.

I might be able to climb. I'm really worried that at any moment, the false god we just killed is going to jump down here and fuck us up. Fuck us up. Well, I think that with the destruction of the ark, that we have stopped his, do I get the sense that we've stopped his regeneration? Yes, yeah. If we have stopped his regeneration.

You sell their generation with breaking the seal on the ark. You're not making it murdery enough. The fox scream very specifically. It's like, Ah! It's so good. I almost called 911. I swear to God.

Maybe we have to put the crown on? Yeah, but who still has thumbs? I have like claws And like yeah probably have like What would be like a not quite an opposable thumb But I picture like you like a mouse can put up stuff Yeah You have a little shrew hands

A little shrew hands Felix see if you can pick up the crown I'll I'll like I'll like scurry over to the crown And like see if I can I mean it's got a small than you right Yeah smaller than you

Yeah you're you're considering a small creature but you're the size of a goblin, basically, at this point. Shit. Yeah, you're the, you're the size of a goblin. And you're like Nifler. And you're able to pick it up. Oh, then, yeah, from, uh, from Harry Potter monsters. Good old monster potters.

I will pick it up. Yeah, you do. And as soon as you pick it up, you hear in your head an unintelligible madming babble. And you hear it in your head. And it doesn't, there's no immediate magical effect. You haven't put it on yet, but you can hear it in your head and it starts to, and it dissipates a little bit more, like the longer that you hold it, it's still in the back of your mind, but. As soon as I hear this, this maddening babble, is the, is the arc still there that we're good?

And I'll start smashing the crown against the arch to see if it does anything. Turn us back, turn us back. It does start to chip away the stone of the ark. It starts to crumble a little bit, but nothing happens. You hear the clanging of this black metal scorpion crown fill this chamber, and that seems in ironclad. The ones I realize it's not doing the crown, I'll toss it a few feet away from me.

Why did you do that? Something was trying to talk to me. Maybe it's evil. Are you sure of it? Did you listen? Do you think someone else should put it on? I don't know. It's creepy because there's people in there.

Multiple human voices. There's no way. I mean, look, I don't know how we're going to get out of here. If worse comes to shove, then maybe somebody has to put it on, but that thing is evil. Oh, I don't want to put it on. I don't think we should. I mean, how is we going to get out of here? And we should take it with us.

We shouldn't leave it here for someone else to utilize their dark necromantic wants and needs. Oh, just teleport us out of here. Oh, wait. I can't. You're a mouse. That's right. Maybe there's a trap door that we're not seeing.

And I'm going to start kind of wildly, like, kicking my legs in that lopey, like, giraffe-motion-y way and seeing if I can trigger, like, a trap door. I'll circle and, and also, like, go up against the walls and see if I can come in. Same. I'm also just going to run around and circles just over a way. No, right? No, right. I'm going to slowly just walk around now. I, love to sit next to the crown. Make a, um.

Make an athletic check at advantage because your friends are helping basically cause a stampede. Acrobatics, you mean? I think athletics. No, not with that. Ignore your character sheet. Oh, yeah. What's athletics? It would be strength.

This is also a D-12. That's a D-12. You're on fire today, Kelsey. Natural 12! Natural's got to give it up, natural 12. That's my D-20. they're back there. You also have one right here. I know, but that one sucks. Oh. I'm still better than a 12.

Hey, not that. Hey, hey, hey. 19. Wow. Um, you start loping around with your size. You are the size of a giraffe. You're not that much bigger than a giraffe. You're, you just have a different. I'm very dire of me. Well, you are died. You are bigger, but you're, you're a lot stouter. You're a lot beefier. You're a lot, it's just in your body. The camel wasn't a gigantic camera. Your body is the same, your legs are the same, your head's the same, but your neck is thick and it's all the way from the front of your chest and all the way to your ass.

It's like a red red oak trunk. And a tiny head on the top. In your stampede with your friends, you kick the arc and it smashes Anne and you actually hear a crack as the bottom of the arc collapses through the floor. As you see now that there is a some sort of chamber space beneath this arc. Look.

Good job, Lucy. I said look. Good job, Lutti. You found a second secret antechamber. Well, take a look. What's down there? What's a secret anti-chamber? A secret.

What does secret mean? Is it similar to secret? It's the same thing. Now I'm going to take a look down this hole. And I peek in. Make a perception check. That's wisdom. So that's my regular shit.

Good grief. Oh, I could write mine. Did we lose our skill proficiencies? Yes. Okay. So we should just have our stat bonuses. Oh, just our stat bonus? Okay.

So that's going to be wisdom only. So that's going to be... That'll affect the DCs. 15. What? Peaking down the hole with a 15. 15. 15.

You look around and you actually see there's a large hole that Lifty as a giraffe was able to kick in and probably at least five by five. Yeah, you're dying. You have very strong hooves, very strong legs. I do. I have hooves. You see now that there is, you slither down and you stick your head in and you look and it's very dark, but your eyes adjust. And you see what. looks like an ancient, ancient hallway.

It splits off into three different directions. As you peer around, and as you look around, you recall what the Sphinxes or the Shia Nixas have said, how all of the ancient ruins were connected in a network of tunnels called the labyrinth, as you peer into what you presume to be the labyrinth. It's the labyrinth. That's what Iris was talking about, right?

It's just beneath us. I'm creating myself. Is it big enough that we can get down there? I'm worried that once we get down there, then we'll be doubly stuck. But I guess at least it's a way to go forward in somewhere else. Maybe. Didn't we learn that?

That's so cute. This is a lofty. That is the cute. Please draw all of us. Oh, my gosh. This is what a dire giraffe looks like. Its neck is as long, blind as its body. I love it.

That's a hell of an image. Thank you. I love the discord, please. Like a weble wobble. You somehow managed to avoid penis shape. Like, it's a little bit. It was very fall in a line. It was extremely fallic.

It was very chode-like. Yeah, I think we go down there. There's no other way but through, right? He's got to bring us out somewhere. I can't stay here. We should take it. the crown though right I guess yeah I think we have to we don't want to leave it here like I was said should I just oh I don't know I what if you choke on it

I mean I think I could I could swallow something like six to ten times that size I'm not sure a cobra is quite the same as something sort of like a like a boa constrictor or a pipe bomb I mean maybe they are I don't know mechanically would say otherwise so I have a fallback you recall that he's a dire cobra so you get the sense that he might have additional features. From the movie Anaconda starring John Boyd. And Jennifer Lopez. Yeah.

And Ice Cube? No, I think you're thinking of the shark movie. Deep Blue Sea. Oh, I'm one of those really good. There is like a same. I know I think you're right. I feel like you're right. I feel like you're right.

Ice Cube's on Deep Blue Se. I think he is. Yes, he is. Yeah, yeah. He definitely is. DBC is. Whether he's in both. Oh, no.

37% rotten tomatoes that's horse shit. somebody else. Yeah, maybe Deep Blue Sea. Ice Q. He wasn't Ice Q? Hey! Who's in Deep Blue Sea? Um, the name is a game.

The name is a game. And Eric Stoltz and Owen Wilson. That's right. But who's in Deep Blue Sea? I am in Deep Blue Sea. All right, Deep Blue Sea. Because now I really can't play this game unless I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a Skier. Thomas Chain, Samuel Jackson, Saffron, El Cool, Jay. Yeah, that's your thing. And Stellin's Garzgard. Cars guard. Nice. Yeah, that was the one.

The spice must flow. All right. So, yeah. I think we just dropped down there. Can everyone fit through this hole? How far down is it? And also, can we fit through this hole? You get the sense that you need to smash in the rest of where this arc is.

And there was a little bit of a raised platform, and that would be big enough to get everyone. That's great, because I took earthquake. Just kidding. And I couldn't even use it if I wanted to. Everybody standby. You might be able to help me. I'll just sort of lie back. I'll just start jumping.

Like doing that bucking motion. You can also probably use your giraffe head and neck. I'm gonna hit it. Yeah, I know, but I don't want to hit stone with that. Okay. I'd say with Felix and, or not with Felix, or not with Felix, with Poha and with Luffy, and those strong hooves, you just take the time,

and the little fox paws, you're able to smash away, smash away and the arc cracks and splinters and the remnants of sets hold in this dark domain are now completely rubble, completely remnant. He is now fully severed as the arc collapses as well as the entire trap passage. You get the sense that this is, despite this being a hallway, like an ancient stone hallway, you understand the the sheer magnitude of this labyrinth beneath this entire dark domain is even a dire giraffe can fit down here. So is it like a tunnel way that we could go one way or the other? So you get the sense that this is at a crossroads where there's basically three different pathways you can go down.

So basically we've already descended at the water. If you choose to. You say you can look down and look. Yeah. So which way? Are we putting the crown? Yes. We've got it. Who has the crown? Yes. Who is it?

Who is it? The snake. It's around his waist. Look at it. See? Is it like a wedding? You're on a whim? It's crazy.

Oh, gosh. You did this to yourself. No. You did that to yourself. You walked right into that. Do I think that I could squeeze through like a wedding ring, this crown? Or am I girthier than that? Because I feel like I'm girthier.

You're definitely girthier than that. that. You get in the sense you can try to swallow it. Why don't you like... Because I have a fox tail, could I have it on my tail? Or mechanically, do you need us to wear that? You don't have to wear it. Oh. You don't have to wear it. I think that if you, you could figure out how to do it. I think that you would have to like keep it on your butt, I guess. It's like a fetic fox. If you want to kind of keep it in that point, you could probably try it. Yeah, so I'll put it... I'll have a... I'll have rat hands every...

Hey, rat hands. Hey rat hands, get over you. I need you. I'll have rat hands put the crown over my tail and it'll just kind of hang out on my butt. If we ever do another heist, you're going to be a rat hands.

That's terrible. What an awful name. Rat hands doesn't snitch. He writes himself. How lucky I am. Yeah, I dropped down like a nightmare snake into the chamber below, and I'm ready to look down these hallways

and see if any of them are distinct or different from one another while I wait for my friends. I would like to follow quickly after and use my keen hearing and smell to sniff and listen to see if any one of the pathways seems more lucrative for us. I would say... I'm just going to prance in place. Make a perception check at advantage, obviously.

Natural 20. Wow. And then my perception is the same as what it is. Plus wisdom. No, it would be just... I think you missed it, though. I think Cibbo was not. It says mental ability scores do not change.

The scores change, but we don't have any skill proficiency. Oh, so plus five. So 25. 25. Instead of 30. So you listen. And... You're going to get a weird, boring looking at.

Yeah, I don't care. What are you looking at? Beefi direct. Oh, jeez. You hear, we're on a list. Sorry. That's kangaroos. No, well, that's a drug.

That was the swole kangaroo picture. Yes. Anyway, we'll continue. You listen down all three, and you can hear the shifting of sand around this tunnel. And you can even see and maybe feel as some of it drops on you, the sand seeping through the cracks in the stone of this large hallway, this labyrinth that goes allegedly through the entire dread domain. And down one passage, you hear a low guttural voice that seems to echo in a very droning,

droning, unintelligent way, is what I'll say. Down another passageway, there you, there seems to be a bit of an echo, as if that there is a much larger chamber, perhaps, beyond. And then down the third passage, you hear what sounds like wriggling, shifting, skittering legs. And I would say those were the three passages. I'll relay that information. So which one do we want to go down? The one with the unintelligible humanoid vocalizing, the one that is clearly full of scorpions and snakes,

or the empty echo chamber. Probably the empty chamber. I think we need to avoid as much conflict as possible, considering we don't really have any means to defend ourselves. Do we have any sense of which direction these are going? No. I just think we need to give it. out. Okay. Well, yeah, I guess quiet sounds better than voices or snakes or anything like that.

I agree. No offense. Thank you. This is normal. Thank you. Oh. Not stop you guys. You got a long tongue. Actually a dire, a cobra looks like this. You really do need to get that graphics company up and go. There's no way that I can draw a shrew, a donkey, or a fetic fox. Yes, you can. Got it. I have to think about it.

Let me ruminate on this. It's just shapes. Yeah. Overall, over-up, okay. Yeah, I agree. So we will head down, we'll head to the one that sounded like the large echoey room. Okay. You make your way down and you come to various different splits and forks in the road.

You listen down and just for the sake of brevity, you might go down one pathway and you see that it's been completely collapsed in. And you have to turn back. And I'll keep using my hearing. Yeah. And I'll say that basically you hear it and the way that the sound is echoing, you get the sense that you're getting closer. But at least splits and forks, it's difficult to discern sometimes, and you might go down 10 minutes down a path and it's just tunnel. And you see that there's just sand completely filled in. You have to double back as you are very clearly in a labyrinthian network.

I would like to use my incredibly hyper-shrue intelligence to basically remember where we're going and mentally map out the maze. in my incredible, giant, very wrinkly brain. I would say just make an intelligence check. You're a rat in a maze, my friend. So, but I keep my own... You're still just a breath of means. You literally look like the brain, right? Despite all his brains, he's still just a rat in me.

That's going to be the old 23. Okay. I would say that you're able to... you're hopping along behind your friends with your massive shrew feet and brain. And I would say that with your making note of it and you're making note of the pattern of the stone walls. But I think that you'd probably be able to find the, see, there's definitely piles of sand here and there. And you could probably very easily burrow and just dig out a marking here and there or mark a wall. and with that, get a sense of where you've been.

Well, you could also do that. Too refined. Yeah, you're too refined. So you're able to mark very physically where this passageway has been. Actually, I guess that's a funny fox thing. I'm singing as we were going down through the hallways.

It's Cobre and the brain. It's Cobre and the brain. One is a dire shrew. The other's insane. That's very good. Big fan. Big fan. You do that, and you make your way through as your voices reverberate. As five mismatched dire animals from this dread domain make their way through the great labyrinth beneath this place. And eventually, that singing voice starts to echo.

And you see ahead darkness as the tunnel turns into a large, chasm as you see that the stones of these of ruins up ahead and it seems to open into a huge cavern in a ruin space rooms whorblah what and you see up and so you see ahead the cavern as you proceed thank you as it echoes that they There seems to be the ruins of what looks like a temple. A temple that seems to have been completely split in two.

As you see a massive ravine that goes down very, very deep, and a bridge that once had been connecting it, but now has crumbled away. Is there any markings as to, like, maybe statues of what this temple was for? Or is it all just so ruined we can't even tell, really, you know, like make out shapes other than that it looks like it was a temple? I would say make a perception check. So this should be plus five because perception is in, right? Oh, that's whiz. My whiz is only plus two.

I got an 11. You look and you see that these are very, these are very faded statues, seemingly impossibly ancient. And it looks like there had been relatively big temple. But whatever has been happening in the earth has been causing this place to basically completely get destroyed by however the earth is moving. And the ravine has gotten wider and wider as the bridge across it has fallen away. But you are able to see that the statue seem to be vaguely serpentine. Okay. Right.

Rectillion of some kind. Not that I didn't even know what that means, but I was just curious. All right. Does there look like there should any way across? I mean, I really don't want to go back to those other rooms. I feel like we've got to try to figure out a way across here. Sorry, how far? Why is the gap?

The gap is probably a good 30 feet across. Oh, yes. Never mind. I was imagined I can easily jump right over. And I would say 30 feet?

Yeah. As you approach, you kept... You're talking? No. I like flex my incredible shrew glutes and and your shrewts?

My shrewts. And it is very clear that I could jump a long jump up to 40 feet without even a running start. It would be like, all of a sudden I'd be like, and just like, jettison across the ravine.

Can you please, can you show that to us one more time? Oh, that's phenomenal. He's across the ravine. Oh, you do that? Yeah, he's across the ravine. Okay. You, p. And you see, he literally, he rockets off.

It's true. And Felix, is at this point that as you're flying over the ravine, you realize, you notice something at the bottom of this thing. A protective barrier between the town. As you fly over, you look down, and this ravine goes down hundreds of feet. But it's not the ravine, the depth, that gives you pause. It's the bit of scale and reptilian skin. As you look down, and as you fly over, you see, oh, it's not a bed.

It's a ton. You see a massive, absolutely. gargantuan snake of some kind. Oh, fuck. Laying down at the bottom of this ravine. And it's the biggest creature probably that you've ever seen in your entire life. And as you fly over, you land on the other side.

I land. And I slowly turn around to the group. That appears to have been a little rash. Just put some wind of mint on it. The biggest. creature I've ever seen in my entire existence. It's the bottom of that would be. I'll slither up to the edge.

Careful, careful. And peeked down very, very careful. I'm speaking and hushed, like, because I'm like nervous now. You look down and as you see that, you see movement, and you all hear the shifting of stone in the earth as what looks like, what seems to be an absolutely gargantuan colossal type. Tannic snake is slumbering and is now shifting as the sand and some rubble from the stone bridge fall down on top of it. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Bees. Bees. I'm glad you got the king. Thank you. Thank you. I have a feeling that Caprice's favorite color is a cobra's mithful filver. Amethethethetheth.

Amethetheth. Amethetham. So what are we going to do? I think that if you can all make it over quickly and quietly, we should move and get out of here fast. I would try, and I'm going to run my full speed of 50 feet and try and leap across. And as I do, I'm going to go, I'm just kidding, I'm not. I'm not going to fennit fox yell.

So how do the jumping rules work as far as? Oh, God. It's strength score. I don't think you can make it. Yeah, I don't think you can mechanically make it. Strength score. You realize that your legs are very short. I know. Well, I'm still going to try. I have no other way to get over there. Okay. Well, this is where you died. Jumping rules. What a way to go.

You're a it bus, Nick. Well, you're not 30 feet long. I was going to say, if I'm 30 feet long, then maybe I could like Snake Bridge. But you're not 30 feet long. I think all of you are going to die, and I'm just going to become the sugar. The sugar maybe. The fucking nightmare snake. Yeah, you can cover a number of your feet up to your strength score if you move at least 10 feet. I jump three feet. Let's your modify the corresponding score. What is your strength modifier? Yeah, 16 or 17. Yeah, 16 or 17. So you can jump 16 or 17 feet.

I do that. Really? I don't know that I can't jump across it. I always say you get the sense that with your body that you would not be able to make that. I would say that given how, given the fact that... I in my body know that I can't like...

jump across the highway. Yes, I would say you have an understanding of your powers and your abilities. You have your anna, it's the, it's like in full metal almost brotherhood, my animal instincts. You have that instinct of what you can and can't do. I might be 30 feet long, but I don't think that I could like sprung myself across the bridge and then like fang my way into the bridge in order to create a jungle book.

Yeah, yeah, that sounds awesome, but I can't possibly make it 30 feet. I can only come back. I just, I really don't want to find out what's in those side of rooms. Um, well, good luck. I mean, come back to your side, Doa? Oh, I thought you meant you were gonna go venture off. Oh, no.

I'm gonna cast, or I'm gonna use veil of sand. Oh, okay. Um, and I am going to give us all pass without trace. Okay. To try and keep us from being detected by this thing. Okay. So it'll essentially make it sound like there's just more and more sand that's kind of falling, so the snake is kind of like, oh, usual sound.

So as you see this, the thing, that Iris in her fox form kind of shifts up, and the fur, it's almost as this veil of sand kind of emerges from the fur. And you get the sense that these dire phanic foxes in a heart here have like the sand manipulation power that all is related to their fur, and you all feel like that you're all selfish. I run in a circle really, really fast, creating a tornado of sand. And I would say that, you know, regardless, and it may not be exactly 30 feet, I think that you could probably get the sense,

Caprice, that you are a very long cobra. You're not like super, you're not some gigantic creature, but you're still long and coiled up. You'd be the size of a large creature. But then unfurled, you get the sense that you might be able to close the gap. Yeah. But any weight on you because of how physics work

would cause you to just plummet down to the bottom? No, this is a high, We can do battle in a volcano that I can do this. Maybe we can nail the tail to the stand. Jesus, my. Bitt all of us. Sam. Sam from the sky.

God damn, it's my second's bit take today. Oh, you guys just a shower? Yeah. We actually, we actually go to dry. I'm sorry. It did get to me, so. I'm sorry. There's two, I'm sad.

I missed it. But it's all over guilty. I'm really sad. I missed it. I got nailed. That's so fucking funny. God damn it. I literally got us.

I don't get my actually like. Drey. It's just right. For this behavior. Oh my God, that's so funny. Here we go. Here we go.

Oh. Yeah. Oh my God, it's a dry guill. Oh. Booh. Boo! Well, I gotta clean up my fucking space here. With what?

Kelsey got me to spit take and Richie got me to spit take today. What do I do? I don't know, you said something. I literally, I was looking up and I spit up my seltzer while I was mid-drink. And I quickly walked off camera, hoping no one would notice. I'm so tired. I don't think we did. Not maybe like an actual male, but, but I'm not maybe like an actual male,

like there are all these jagged pieces of stone. We draw it through your tail into the ground or the stone beneath, and that'll be an anchor point. That sounds agonizing. And then when we all get across, who's going to pull the stone out of his tail so he can slither across? I could. We would have to pull him and rip his tail in twice. I can jump across, pull the stone out, and then jump right back.

You're not strong enough. You're a shrew. I don't think that I could get a question. I have fingers. You were like that really? rat hands. This is like that riddle where you have to cross the stream and you have a fox and a rooster. Do you guys know that one? What's the what? And a bag of rooster feet. Rooster feed, right, Ruthster. That's the third component. Very common watching problem. Okay, yeah, yeah. What's a fox? You're that's where you are. No. You're a fox. What? You're a fox right now.

What? I'm a cobra. How does the air taste? Yeah, why didn't your taste is coming? Sorry. Freezing. Somebody quote that. Somebody quote that. Sorry.

Spelling is dealer's choice. I don't know we're going to solve this question. I don't know we're going to solve this problem, guys. I'm serious. Blame! Bridge across, will secure you on this end, you use your fangs on the other end, and then Felix will just, you know, deal with it. But if I fall, I'm gonna die horribly. That's the risk we're running to take. Fank.

Fank. Fuck you guys. Okay, sorry. All right, I guess. How are you going to get your body over? with a city feet in the first place. Well, once I'm, once you guys are over, then I can just let myself down.

I know exactly how we'll do it. We'll nail his tail to this side first, and then you'll donkey kick him across. It's a great idea. Can you donkey kick somebody who is 30 whole feet? It's a hell of a kick. I can, hold on. I can make you take lots of thunder damage.

I don't care for that idea. I can blind you for a whole minute. How's it going over there, guys? Problem solving. Don't worry, we've got the big brains on this side. Oh my God. I can not keep prone. I'm always prone.

I'm just prone all the time. You do that like, like, like, scurvy, like, scurvy thingy on your back. Well, fit. What are we going to do? Should I just try it? I don't see even if you. Oh, I know exactly how he'll do it.

He'll roll himself up inside of himself and then he'll just lurch forward like a torpedo. Like a spring, like a spring, exactly. Think about a penis. Okay, I'm thinking about it. You know, like retracts into the skin and then launches forward when it gets a tide. Oh!

I throw myself into the pit. What? And my suffering! Holy shit. So you could do that, let your snake skin fold in on itself. Let's do this. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You do that, how are we going to get across?

Well, well, what the idea? I thought we were gonna use him like a bridge. When his body gets over there, he's going to going to use his fangs to attach to that side. We're going to nail his tail into the rope on this side. And then we're going to walk across this snake like potty. I thought he's going to hold me. I'll just plank.

It's fine. I'll just plank and then you guys can walk across me. Okay, but if the difference. You can hold all of this. I mean, yeah, she's colossal. She's probably a thousand cameras. What the fuck are we going to do? I'm a very big, be giraffe.

I mean, we can try it. I really think we should secure this one. But that's horrifying. Well, what are the choice do we have? You are only chance, Caprice. This is so fucked up. While you guys are all, like, arguing on the other side,

I like find a rock and I start, like, sand bathing myself. Imagine, imagine being in a real-world scenario where it's like, well, the only solution is if we drive this, knife for your hand. So Caprius, are you going to do it? Because we're probably going to have to secure your tail before you retract into yourself and shoot yourself. Can't we just put his tail under a heavy rock instead of piercing his flesh?

Thank you. Well, is there going to be a rock heavy enough that isn't going to destroy the bone within his tail? I immediately start looking around for a heavy rock. What if you wrap one end of you around my neck and I'll stick my neck over and and then you'll have more room on that side, then how are we going to get you? When everybody's over, you hold his one side

and will just swing me over by the neck. Yeah. You have to get the sense that a dire giraffe is also the very like, wiggly neck, yeah, absolutely. And Lufty, I hate to say it, but, and I don't mean this with disrespect. You have quite the fat neck.

I don't think any of us, I don't think any of us, I don't think any of us, Felix, with the hands, are going to be able to get them around the girth of your throat. But I can wrap my tail around her throat. And then I can jump, and then maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to fang the other side of the ledge, will wall up against the side of the cliff like this.

And if your neck doesn't break, then I can climb us on out. How are you going to climb? You don't have arms or hands. It's so clear. It's so simple. So simple. You just pull himself, I'm like, P.

Lifty, the giraffe will be at the end like, like, God, you're good. Anything in me. God, Harry. Couldn't get it. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at

Patreon.com slash Legends of Aventress, and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night, and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement,

The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Can you set the scene? I don't know what's happening. You are in the ruins of this temple. These large serpentine statues, or reptilian statues of some kind, weathered by age,

split by this huge ravine, massive snake slumbering below, moving as it sleeps, especially once Felix in his shrew form leapt across. And you're all trying to figure out across this fucking ravine. Hey, Felix? Yeah. If there anything on your side that might be able to help us get across the gap? I'll stop my sand bathing and look around. Oh, yeah, my fault. I don't know what came over me.

I'll jump up and I'll hop around and I'll take a look to see what's on my side of the ravine. I would say that what is on your side of the ravine is effectively a duplicate. It's on the same side. There's large blocks and statues and then it narrows back down into a passageway that seems to look like the... look like the connecting labyrinth to this place. I don't really see in much that can really help our predicament here. I don't know. I guess we're stuck with the tail nailing idea. All right.

Well, it's no time like the prison. There are large stone statues. We have to nail your tail first. Yeah. I'm not gonna coil. I only get one shot at this. I'm going to curl over to the cliff side and wait for somebody to either put something very heavy on the end of my tail or... So we want to find a really large, sharp rock.

Yeah, there are plenty of. There's plenty of... So we're going to find... There's plenty of statue. Not sharp. Maybe just a heavy. Just real heavy. I don't think anything heavy is going to keep the donkey and the giraffe from plummeting to that.

Piercing damage tends to be more troublesome than crushing damage in medical fields. I don't know, well, who knows how much damage will do? So I think we find it, and then we get it, we somehow get it situated between me and the giraffe, and then you are going to donkey kick it into his tail and into the earth. What if the snake is down there to help us cross and we're just being speciesist against it? You want me to call it up here, find out? Oh, yeah. You should be able to speak to it. Yeah, I can speak real good.

But the only problem is that if you do call it up here, and then it decides to eat us, it's basically every animal for themselves at that point. Yeah, we're eating at that point. Well, could it even fit through the tunnels back from where we came from? Is it like, it would be wider than the tunnel? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can just run away from it. I mean, well, yeah, that's the solution.

You want to jump back here and we can wake it and then run back and be like, Hey, you cool? I don't know. That's a really tough effort. Piyo! Oh, you jump back across. You rock it back and land very effortlessly. All right.

So we're waking the giant snake. Are we really doing that? No, I think it's a horrible idea. I was just kind of, you know, fill in time. Just because we can communicate with each other, doesn't mean we can communicate with the snake. I was just hoping that maybe you spoke snake. I think I'm speaking snake right now.

I mean, I know it's common, but... Are you a spitting, Cobra? No, I'm not. I've tried. It's just... It's pretty dry in it. Yeah, it is pretty dry. I'm waking it up when I'm my donkey kicking the saw of rock. I think that should be like playing like cake.

Look, at the end of the day, we'll be able to feel up. Will we? Of course. I just don't see me really effectively walking across him. Well that's why I sort of like the idea of maybe Caprice climbs up you, you lean your neck out, he sort of, you're neck's really long, he bridges the rest of the way, and then the two of you together make a bridge that we go over together, and then we'll pull... We don't have hands. hands. We can, I can sort of do this.

No, you can't. The only one with hands is the shrew. I have a farm, oh, you have hooves, simply hairy paws that keep my hands from getting warm in the sand. Oh, that's adorable. Yeah, if you pulled, if you tried to pull me up right now without hands, it would just be like,

it wouldn't work. Your hooves don't have enough grip. Ooh, I have clothing hooves. Couldn't I just like grip you with my arms? No, I don't think that you can cross your arms. Cross your arms right now. We either drill into his tail or I'm going to make the jump. I stand up right and I cross my arms. Like that didn't bruise me a guru.

I was going to say like the zebra on zebra stripes gum. Oh, yeah. But you don't have any strength in that. Oh. All right. So is the plan you extend your neck. I'll slither along your neck, and then I will attempt to make it to the other side of the gap.

We will see if you guys can cross, because obviously Felix is fine, and then... But then how are we going to get Luffy over? Well, I'll squeeze real tight around her neck. She can jump, and I'll catch her, and she'll slam into the side of the cliff. With how are you going...

No, no, no, no, no. With how are you going to be... You cannot do that with your teeth. Felix will drag it will brag it, Felix is not strong enough to drag a gigantic Dyer Cobra, holding on to an incredibly girthy-necked dire giraffe. Oh, but Kevin! Can she she weighs at least 400 pounds?

No, do we have any rope? Oh, all the rope got polymorphed with us? Yeah, I don't even have my real. We don't have anything. No. Our best bet is to hope that the snake can get incredibly stiff, stiff enough that we can walk across him while he's in horrific pain.

No, well, how about this? You can bite onto my tail, and then I can drag both of you. I think I have enough strength to drag both of you up out of the ravine once you... Once you've crossed. Yes. It's rubbing off on me.

But that still doesn't answer my question. You're assuming that just his fangs attached to the other side, that his snake body will be able to hold his weight, her weight, and your weight while dangling in a chasm. Wait a second. We can test the theory before we even have to do it over a gap. Why don't I just plank over there and we'll see if I am able to rigidly support your weights? Clank over where? I don't know. Any anywhere. Any, any, we put a stone over here and then a stone

over there and I'll all, I'll extend myself and then. Fine, let's do that. Okay, great. Help me move these stones. I will help you, and then I will bounce atop your snake-like body with all of my phnic force and see if I can crack you. I'm pretty sure the more time we waste here, eventually this gap is just going to shorten magically because the DM decides that this is a nightmare. And so we're going to move stones so that he can lay across them and like straighten himself out and see if we can walk across him without him buckling. Okay. I would say with the help of all of the animal friends, you're able to move these large, flanked by these large statues,

you're able to find chunks, and you're able to, are you gonna try to leap across? No, no, so we're on the ground, we're just gonna put two rocks so that he's still, he's just like maybe three feet above the ground. Yeah, we're just practicing to see if it would work over the castle. That's what I'm talking about. Teeth of Christ, you can't...

He's drawn this in the Durham of the Hook. You see, we understood that part. How is Lofti going to get over? He's going to put on my tail once we're all over, and then he's going to drag her. She'll be failing. Yes, and when she falls, the inertia of her fall is going to rip him

and you into the cavern and you're all going to die. No, we'll all end up anchor him. You're not heavy, and she's like 400 pounds of giraffe. A leaf. Yes. She's the largest of all of us.

She went from being the tiniest little luffy to gigantic. I don't think we have any other option for them if we want to wake up the snake. No, I think we need to try this to see if we can walk across. your stiff, rigid snake form.

All right. Iris is right. This is a good way to test our hypothesis and do a little science. And if we can do it with you lifted like three feet above the ground here, suspended on these stones, then we can put you across the ravine and know it would work. Maybe we'll have a thought. But if when we get to the middle of you,

you turn into a spaghetti noodle and we all fall three feet and out our rumps, we'll know it won't work across the chasm. All right. All right. All right. I'm going to start at one end. and I'll fashion myself and quote around the first rock. And then I'm going to try to extend myself and get to the other rock just to do the initial test of what it would be like

to simulate what it would be like to get across the gap to see if I can attach myself to the other end of the 30-foot faux gap. That is the first threshold that I'm trying to cross. It's just to see if I can do that. To spring yourself across. Yes, from the first rock to 30 feet. but over this fake gap that we've created.

I'd say making athletics check. And if your friends are like helping you pull back to spring you share, do it an advantage, do it an advantage. Good grief. Definitely helping. I'm pulling back some of your snake skin to help you get deeper then. Okay.

That's going to be that athletics is strength, right? Yeah. What happened to us? 14. All right, I'm ready. All right, I spring forward. You spring forward, and I would say that with this, you're able to make the gap,

and you're able to, like, sick your teeth into one side. I got it, guys. Well, I will go first because I'm the smallest of the three, and so I'm going to jump up onto his tail, and then I'm going to leap all the way across, putting a lot of pressure to see if I'm going to be. I would say, that as a fanic fox, you're able to jump, you're able to very comfortably make it across.

I made it across, see? All right, me next. Donkey time. So you're going to jump on like full hooves. Make an athletics check. Derek. Oh, shit. Derek.

Oh, you. Uh, 15 this time. 15. I would say, Caprice definitely, you tens up your muscles and you begin to buckle. And I would say you make a dexterity, an acrobatics check. Nine. Nine. I think that you start to buckle and you realize that if you're going to do this,

you have to really be strong. Yeah. And you're going to have to really be careful. Really be dextras. I like Martin. My turn. That's right. Martyr.

Gertie. No, pa, I love him. This is great. So Toa got across, Luffy, try it. Okay, here I come. You feel me, boom, boom on the rock.

I pick my pants, that's one thing. That's right. Immediately. The tangle snake in long live. Immediately you're just sitting on top of Caprice after being gay. Yeah, so that's not going to work, huh? Oh, shit. You're missing it too with Caprice.

Oh. Am I? You think that's right? It's probably one of your horns. If I knew anything about Bollymore magic. So what do we want to do now? Do we wake the snake up or do we go somewhere else? Are we ready for plan K?

Well, the problem is now missing a fang. He has this gene. It's just yagged up cartoonously. You know, I mean, in my mind, he wouldn't even really need his fang. He's dressed his head along the side. I think this arch system would... But how is he going to pull Lufty across?

And why does she look like she has a fox? Oh, it's like a real. What do you mean we need to reverse him? Imagine this was his tail and this was his head and we nailed his tail. Stop, we don't need to name for free. I just had an idea. I think that if we could find a couple of rocks and maybe a plank or something, we could create a simple, like, lever-style catapole. You want to catapult us across a ravine with a giant snake?

It's only 30 feet! Do you know from large rocks we'd need to catapult? A full-grown giraffe across a ravine? No, now that you say it, I realize where the plane doesn't work for our giraffe. Yeah. How heavy what the rock would be? It just are making me feel like I'm ruining everything. I mean, to be fair,

it's not the intention. But Eugene looked at it. You should take it as an honour. It means that we love you and we're going to do anything to make sure we don't leave you behind. Yeah, I see too. We should just go somewhere else. At this point we spend at least two hours trying to get up this and I think we should

really try. Okay, either Plan K or we wake up the snake. Choose! Well, there's no way Plan K is going to work, so we might as well wake at the snake. Can we at least test it? Can we test it? There is physically no way for snake Caprice to hole a giant diagrath out of a ravine.

She's right, the math's not really in our favor. Well, no, uh... He's a snake. We have no way to get proper hold onto him. And our test ravine just really doesn't have the height needed to make sure that it's a viable test. I guess that's true. Well, it was a good thought. What if we use Lofti's neck as a catapult? a cataport. Yeah, I could throw most of you, but then I'm still stuck. You could kiss the two of you, right?

No. No, but listen, not like in a sexual way, but where your fangs dig into her mouth and you pull her and then we pull you back, which pulls her neck all the way back, then we nail your tail to the ground. What in the hell? put someone on her forehead, then we cut part of your tail off, and you'll lunge them forward. Are you large mechanically? She's really, like, giant. She's like, I would say, yeah, she's, she's large. She's approaching huge, but she's large. I was going to say, I could swallow you and then maybe try to the jump across, but that's, that's just goofy.

That's just ridiculous. Oh man, I did so much speech therapy when I was in elementary school and I'm undoing all of it right now. Oh, no. Oh, no. So, so what is, are you drawing my idea? He's like, he's scratching in the dirt. Yeah, I'm drawing my own idea. All right, I'm about to do it.

I'm going to jump. Seriously, I don't think you're going to make it. I think I can make it. It's not that far. Yeah, it's pretty far. Yes, but I... Why don't you just let me throw you? If I, I can run really quickly.

And if I run really... quickly I imagine I can get across you don't believe in me just just try to want to jump from that I love you and I don't want you to fall into a pit-and- yeah why should you just test rocks you do the test rock we have it all set up test for us oh all right yeah these slabs of statue is I'm gonna I'm gonna go back 50 feet and I'm gonna run jump on the first rock and try and jump to the other one clearly not make it and clumb it and probably hurt my knee oh Oh, fuck, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh, ow.

Not enough to the damage, but it stinks. It stings. I can't make it. What are these statues? What do you got there, Tull? They're very tall. How tall. I'm thinking.

I would say this is a very large cavern. They're probably at least 35 feet. Oh. Wait, what? What? What? What? We either waited long enough or that was it.

What? What's your idea? What are you working on? What are you working on, Tom? Over the chasm. Anyway, so the second step of Plan K would be into the rock right here, into the floor. And he would hang and then hold him a little little bit by the neck. He's naked.

And then we would just drag him. We would just drag him. We would just drag both of them up. How would we drag? You are expected. a shrew, a fennick fox into no hands having donkey to drag a snake, a snake that has no handholds. What would we grab on to? We have no hands and no handholds.

What would we grab on to? We could bite him, bite his tail. It would rip my teeth out. That's lovely toa. It would rip our teeth out. Oh, my God. I don't know what else to do. Kelsey has a solution.

Please solve this problem right away. I'm totally stumped. So am I. I think we just die here. You know what really? You know what bothers me the most of all of this? We were able to kill the avatar of a god, and we can't get over a fucking 30-foot chasm.

Well, we've been transformed. I'm going to sob dramatically and lean against the statues that's closest to the ravine and try to tip it across. I would say completely unintentional. Eventually, you see Lofti as a giraffe just heave her entire wave. And she knocked this statue. When you hear, and it lands and completely covers. It spans the bridge connecting of this gigantic hooded snake-like statue

and collapsed and creates a makeshift bridge. I'm gonna lean up again. So who has a better idea? And you begin to hear the earth beneath you shake as it sounds like the snake has woken up. Well, I'm going across. I'm going to, like, hop up and, like, run across the thing. Okay. I think we should go.

It sounds like he's awake. Or she? We can cross this bridge right here. This was... I'm only able to jump 16 feet, and I'm sure this was 30 feet long and 16 feet wide. Just follow me like this. And I crossed the statue. I'll follow as well.

I'll wait to be the last one just in case my intense giraffe weight breaks this thing. You're all able to scamper across as this as the ravine is starting to shake as you see this massive snake. Absolutely munch is starting to rise up. We all have my dust thing, so our stealth is plus ten.

For twist? Yeah, we're gonna... Thank you, gang. Thank you, really, so. I can't wait to watch a fucking giraffe fall 500 feet into a snake. Like a furlap, full of vegetable suit. Oh, that's better. What is that?

Strength? No, it's a dexterity. Oh. Uh, 21. 21. With that, you let the statue starts to crash. starts to crack from the sheer force of landing. And as the snake, this massive colossal snake

starts to rear its head up, you see now that it is a colossal cobra that has been down there as it, as the statue cracks in half, right as lofty finishes getting across, as it falls into the ravine, it actually lands on the snake and it lets out this pained hiss

as it then begins to rise up, but by the time it's able to recover, you are able to get into the much narrower passageway. Go, go, go, go. Are you just jumping each time? Yeah, it's probably faster than my overall speed. Yeah, we book it for the... We book it for the exit.

You do, and you're able... And you hear the sound of rumbling as a snake rears its head and it's absolutely massive, as you see these horrible, venomous eyes and you leave it behind as the earth crumbles and shakes around you. I feel really defeated by that whole thing. I hope Anubis couldn't see any of that. That was really embarrassing.

That totally blew. Are you fucking kidding me? I am disbanded. I actually wanted to see you guys try the others about that now. I have had four. Fourteen natural toys in a row for that door. There were a variety of solutions that I had in mind that I'll reveal in a fancy chill if you stick around. If you stick around.

Heck, I look nice. I think you might have been amenable to giving us passage. Yeah, I don't think so, but I don't know. This works. So we're in a straight tunnel. You're in a straight tunnel, and I'll say you keep walking. say you keep walking. And... I'm not walking.

As you make your way, you hear perhaps shambling undead creatures scraping their way and you're avoiding those tunnels. And I'll just say, for the sake of bravery, how much time you spend in the snake girl? The whole maze is condensed.

That Iris in her phoenic fox is at the lead with her ears, constantly listening. out, very high alert, making sure that you avoid any passageway that has kind of the scraping undead or the clattering of what sounds like maybe like a very large insect. There's some strange beeping off in the distance. And eventually you arrive at another crossroads of three separate tunnels.

No. Okay. That go off into different areas. And because this is themed, I don't give a fuck. Iris, you hear down one pass. Actually, make a real perception check for me. Okay, but I'm at advantage. Yes, you are advantage.

I believe that's a 23. Okay, yeah, you're able to hear, off to the side, very much similar echoing, reverberating you at the sense that you have to, you'll hit dead ends and have to double back, but you hear down one passage, actually the faint whistling of what sounds like wind, down another you hear, like the rushing of water of some kind.

And down another, you hear what sounds like, crackling or roaring fire. We clearly want to go down the window, right? I would think that would mean that we're getting closer to the surface. Maybe finding a way out. I mean, whivers could run underground for ever. Did you just say whivers? Rivers.

Sorry, you were rolling around in the dirt when you said it. Rivers. Underground rivers can just go forever So I think wind is the way to go I agree And we don't want to be underground around a fire You guys don't like my plans anyway We like them

They just won't work No listen if you get another idea Don't hesitate to tell us There are no bad ideas As long as it doesn't involve me being strangled to death Back of Rees while hovering over a ledge But did you like my idea

Where you would be mouth to mouse Yeah, no, I didn't like that one either. I didn't like it. And I was going to have my tail impaled by some horrible vicious rock. It was awful. How do you know the rock was vicious? Any rock going through your fifth of them is going to be vicious. Let's go down this path.

Yes, we're going to go towards the wind. You make your way towards the path where the phnic fox had heard the wind. Once again, you think that you're in the right direction, but then you have to double back and there's rubble. And it's frustrating, but you don't run into any creatures or monsters. You're able to avoid those for this next stretch. And eventually, finally, you see the tunnel open up into a chamber. And once again, it seems to be a ruin. And rather than an ancient temple split by a ravine, you see what looks like the remnants of an ancient tower that goes up and up and up.

And you see that it's not a particularly large tower, but you see that there is a, it's circular and it's stone and and there are circles in the occasional circles in the roof that may have been windows at one point before it was submerged and lost to time. And at the center of the center of the roof, this, you see what looks like broken apart and off to the side, a strange kind of, like a cross of some kind with a beam going down that have strange cups attached to them.

Like a scale? Let me draw it. If your artistic ability is similar to Rich, I don't think we're going to get a... I don't think it's going to much help. So, like, basically laying off to the side here and then basically, and then it's basically a cross like this, and then there's cups. What do you mean it's a cross? Yeah, I don't know.

I have no context for what that is. So basically, it's laying on the ground here, right? And there's a large stone slab here, or rather, it's actually a stone, it's wood. And so it's a cross section here. So it's a T. It's all laying on the ground. It's all laying on the ground. And it is basically a, it's actually a, it's actually a, it's actually a cross section.

a concave cup shape here on each one. And so there's basically also a beam going out this way. Yeah, basically. Oh, I see. I see what you mean. And so there's basically... There are four cops. Yeah.

Four buckets. So it looks like almost like a primitive water meal. Something like that, yeah. Yeah. But is it like this or is it like this? Is it like windmill style? Or is it like Gobeckley-Tepe style? So imagine that. There's a central beam, and then there's an X on top.

Yeah, there's an X on top. So it's Stonehenge, Go Beckley Teck. Yeah, and so it's, and this seems to be on its side, ancient wood, and you see that there are circles and would have been windows filled in, and you hear a, you hear very faintly the sound of wind coming somewhere from around here. And it goes up for,

up for quite a bit. Can we see that this? Yes, I would say that as you look up, you can see that there does seem to be some sort of passage forward at the top of this, the top of this thing. But there's no way forward. No, there's no there's no door. There's basically high up there are these circular, what would have been windows at even intervals for basically like a cross situation, and these large circular portal, and they see and they seem to have been filled in by rocks. So how do, but there's still a tower. Yeah, the tower, the whole shaft is fully.

You feel some sand kind of dripped down, especially as, or drift down, especially as you're walking around with the weight of your animal forms. Are there any stairs or anything? Yeah, there's no stairs at all. And at the center here, it's off to the side, and you see that there's actually a square divot in the center.

of this style. Oh, it looks like maybe we can... That thing used to go under that square divit. Do you think so? Does it look like... It seems to be the same size. Oh, well, let's try it. For what purpose?

I don't know. What else are we going to do? We could use it to try to get up, to hide in the tower. How? I don't know. I'm just trying to put things together. Go for it. No, I mean, we can put it in there. I just don't understand how. Love to help him pick it up.

Yeah, with your hands. Use your giraffe neck to lift the taumin. Yes, wrap your neck around it. I'll shove the base of it into the hole in the ground. It will do such. I would say, let's get two athletics checks from both of you, because we are playing a game. The solution that Toa solves is the equivalent of a child figuring out the whole tape problem.

Thank you, chat. I didn't do very well. I got a 10. 14. 14. I would say with that, you are able to lift it up, and that's all you needed was a 10

to just heave it up. And it's thanks to Toa using his pack animal strength to push it forward and this ancient wooden cross section of some kind slots in, and there's some grinding and scraping as it scrapes past the stone, but then it shrieks.

It settles, and there's this cross beam with cups facing the same way, basically, all around this thing. And you see now as it stands tall above you. Do the buckets or cups line up to the same height where the windows run forward? I'd say it'd be very obvious to see that, yep. What's true? What? Does it look like it's sort of like a reverse windmill? it's sort of like

it's almost like water would run and like turn those cups and spin So you mean the wind would come in and turn the cups It's like a wind turbine I mean I guess I don't know Does it spin if we push it?

I think if I mean I don't even know Oh I know exactly what we do You wrap Caprice Around the base And then We pull him as tight as possible and then we rip-cord him and see if it starts to spin. Oh, I, I mean...

And hopefully he doesn't get splinters along his bottom. I'm not a rope. I think that's... So I think that's a good backup plan. First, I was going to see if we could send Cabris-ups and see as a climbing speed and maybe take a look at where those windows were filled in and maybe use your head to see if you can break them open. But again, you could be underground.

There might just be more sand in there. Yes, and then the entire room could fill with sand and then we could die. But at least go check it out first. I think that's totally about it. And then if that doesn't work out, we're going with a Rick-Corps idea. All right. That's Climb C. I'll start to wind my way up and climb up to see what I can see from the top of this fan.

Make a perception check. I would say, you know, like check the window see if there's wind and things like that. 21. 21. I would say you begin to slither up and you know that cobras aren't particularly this great at climbing, but given there's something about the nature of your belly, that allows you to slither up. And as you make your way towards one of the old windows of this tower,

you hear where the sound of the... It's coming from. In the rubble here, you can hear that there's a bit of wind and you feel it on your snake face and you're able to stick your tongue out and you feel the wind. And you see that it is very clearly at the exact same level as these cups.

Can you taste what's coming? Can you taste it's coming? You're a hungry snake. You get two wind gusts. Oh, good. Gus. All right. So I,

they're definitely Gus, guys. So do you think that, like, if you could maybe, I don't know, break away where the wind's flowing in, we could get this thing moving again? Does it look like it could reach where the wind would be able to flow in through and perhaps clear any barrier there or... I would say that as you kind of nudge your head, there does seem to be a little bit of give,

but just the strength that you have clinging to this wall, it's not enough. That sounds pretty difficult from where I'm sitting. How tall is this thing in relation to our giraffe? I would say that it's... that her head is above, like right above the top of... of the first row of windows. Well, I mean, worst case scenario,

you could just like push you bit of your head and run around in a circle, right? If I could get on top of her head and use my sandstorm ability, do you think, could that do anything? I would say, don't you have a dig speed? A dick speed? A burrowing speed.

Aren't you a burrowing animal? A dig. Oh, a dig speed. A dig speed. You have a burrowing speed. Yeah, I do. I would say you could use that burrowing speed to attempt to climb up

and try to dig out the rubble from the window if that's what you're trying to do. Sure, yeah, that's fine too. Oh, I misunderstood what you meant. I understand that what you're trying to say. You could also use your transform ability if you care to as well. Yeah, but I'm fine with using my dick speed. You climb up, you climb up. Luffy. Yeah, scurry on up. But do you mind? No, I love it. All right then. Can you lean your neck down so that I can walk across it? I make a ramp out of my neck. And then I will walk across it and then sit on her head so she can lift her up. And then I'm just gonna start burrowing and screaming.

I would say with a burrows, with a dick speed. With a dick speed. You're able to start pulling it away, and rather than trying to push against it, you're pulling it in. And as you pull the first couple of bits and use your claws to dig, and you're actually, that these dire fox claws are actually making quick work with the stone. They could actually burrow into actual rock and stone. As they tear it away, and suddenly the tiny little whistle turns into more of a

wush as all of the rubble around this tunnel is pulled away, and there's some sort of wind tunnel effect, and a gust of wind blast out of the window. It shoots me off of her head. You are shot off of her head, and you land, you're shot into the cup, into one of these cups, and you see as you feel a lurch. as soon as this wind starts, that hits this, you see that it's just slightly, this large

cross-shaped thing is pushed a little bit and you all feel yourself lurch upward a little bit as it begins to turn. I believe I'm on the actual turning mechanism, right? If you're on the turning mechanism, yeah. Guys? It's starting to get faster now. And we're at the base and we're...

Well, it lurched a little bit and you get the sense that... We have to do more windows. Yes. I would say that at this level, the intention is for all four. Come get to me out of this bucket, and let's do another window.

It's some kind of primitive elevator or something, a lift device. I don't know. What it is? Let's get it out of here. Get us out of here. And I'm going to get back on her head. She's going to come to the bucket.

I'm going to climb back on her head and do like four or five more windows. I will say that there's four of them. And then you... There seems to be some sort of wind tunnel system in here that and as you clear away the windows fills one, fills another, fills the fourth one, and you start to see your turn, and then you, once the fourth window is cleared, and all of the wind is blasting in, you see it start to turn as it begins to lift upwards,

and you all feel yourself raised like a primitive elevator or left. You're doing it, Iris. Thank you, Caprice. Couldn't do it without lofty. It's true. And I would say that you'd be able, and as it reaches to the next level of windows, it stops. And you get the sense that as it starts to kind of go back, the wind hits it again and carries you up and lifts you to that next level. Yes, we should just keep going. So we would just repeat that process.

You would repeat the process. And as you repeat the process, you realize that it's actually pretty smooth going as you're able to burrow away. And all of the rubble that had filled this area from wherever these tunnels are coming from, you're able to pull it away and you are you while this is happening uh i'm going to like sit next to tell i'd be like i really feel like we haven't contributed at all i'm okay with that i mean at least we're getting somewhere but you're right i mean i can i can stop my hoof really hard and i thought having these true hands would really come in handy that hasn't happened yet oh well oh i can do this and I give you like a really

like your kind of glare and you're thinking of Christmas I like I see you do that and I do I like look at you back kind of weird I fail well now you just really

not disadvantaged but you just do everything worse now I don't know why stop looking at me like that it's really unselling no stop it's about all I can do

oh God it's making me sick. I'm just a donkey. Ah. And eventually you arrive to the top. There's a landing and a doorway that is waiting for you as that you're able to step off of this makeshift elevator.

As you go further into the laboratory. Well, that's one more obstacle down. Now what? At least we're going up. We're getting close to the surface, maybe. That's a great sign. Yeah. And then we can get our

Beringth. Find out where we can go next. We proceed. You proceed. And you make your way down through these labyrinthian tunnels. And as you continue, Iris, up ahead, you hear very clearly what sounds like the sound of tools. and it sounds like there's maybe a footstep shuffling up ahead. So you know. That. It means they think...

Well, I guess that could be awful, horrible tools. I don't think we have a choice. I want to get out of here. I want to see the shine exes. Right. I think they're gone. I think we're going to find them. They told us to head a certain direction.

Yeah, but it was like they were really doing a great job of kids. carrying us all around. And I asked pretty specifically, are you, you know, gonna wait out here? Are you gonna come back? And she was very critic. She was just like, hey. You have to be responsible for yourself and come up with your own way of travel. You can't rely on us to do everything for you. Yeah, and I found that really rude. Fucking eagles. I guess we'll like slowly creep as quiet as we can towards these noises. Yeah. I try to see what's going.

Have we had a short rest? I would say if you could choose to kind of take a little bit to rest and take it slow, I think that you could definitely enjoy a short rest. Perfect. Then as we get closer, I'd like to cast veil of sand again. Okay. And then that way we can snow. So yeah, that's very soft sand.

Walks over. Everyone make a stealth check for me, please. Yeah. I got a 14 plus whatever. Is it plus 10 straight up? Yeah, I got a 20. 24. Oh, oh.

It's just decks, so it's just that trace. Past that, trace. A natural 20 minus 1 is a 19. Okay, you guys. Plus that. Oh, 29. So you guys are the, you're shrouded in sand. Stealthy as fuck somehow.

29. And you all see ahead that the tunnel ends in a chamber that seems to be a the ruins of some sort of workshop and you see movement

up ahead and I would say with that level of stealth you're able to creep in and get a good look of what's happening and there's no other way to say you see mummies and toilet paper wraps

you see the shuffling of feet and is what you've had heard that you see that there are three mummies that seem to be covered very tightly in bandages

covering desicated flesh and they have tools and you see what they're holding these strange tools and you see that there are pieces of what look like giant scorpions around this workshop.

And you see that there's bits of sting or bits of claw, some hang on the walls, some on various shelves. And you see at the center of this room, they seem to be putting together a strange,

horrible abomination that's halfway between a scorpion and a skeleton and taking bits of pieces from humanoid body parts, assembling it. A skeleton. Yeah, exactly right.

Creating a sort of skeletal scorpion abomination. Scorpin. As you see that at the center of the room where this creature is being constructed, there is a number of candles lit and a pattern

of some sort of magical pattern along the on the ground in a circle underneath this thing. Well, this doesn't look like something we should interrupt.

So, we've done a pretty good job being quiet. Is there anything that we can just like slip past them and not draw their attention? We'll just let them build

their skeleton and we'll be on our way. Right, right. We don't want to get involved. What if that comes back to bite us in the ass? Like literally, look at that. Look at that thing. Look at that thing.

And we can deal with it once we get our bodies back. We can't do anything about it right now. The most I could do is... ...with the same. I could... I could ram it. We could kill them. How? With a fox?

With what? With animal bodies. I'm a donkey. Have you seen these hooves? I can do some real damage. Yeah. My teeth are even like needles! like needles. I can travel. Look at these.

I could try biting. Yeah. Yeah, I might even be able to swallow one of them. I don't know, Toa. You're very strong, but what am I going to do? I can jump for. That's it. And I have a song in my little fruit.

That's all. Maybe you could be a distraction. You could jump and do your beoo thing and say be a wordy loud and they'll be like, what was there? And the two of us come in. He's down.

I could maybe. You charge them. I'm going to trample something. Into dust. How big are these? Are they like regular humanoid? They look to be like human mummies. Mummies made from humans.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to travel. Fuck out. You actually see as you... Actually, you guys might be able to do some serious damage. And maybe Iris and I would be a distraction. I immediately start screaming. Oh, God. Let's fucking go.

Oh! Yes, that can happen, but I have a question. Does what they're making look similar to the scorpion things we saw as part of the army? You mentioned like scorpion monsters. Exactly. You remember that there were scorpions, and you actually, I will see, as you approach, before I, before Irish starts screaming, it actually looks similar to that. Before Iris start screaming, you see that it seems to have like a,

skull where this normal scorpion head would have, there's a skull by its stinger, it is this strange creature that you'd seen within the army as well. They're making them. And that's where they're making them in this workshop. And I'm going to look at everyone, well, if you're convinced we can do this, I'm going to rear my head back and run towards one at least 20 feet away. So if the giraffe moves at least... I'm trying to get a round of opportunity, surprise.

Yeah, I would, I'll charge in with everybody. I would run forward and make a hooves at the top. And I'm gonna run into, my trampling charge. With my 50 feet of speed. I'm gonna try to use pounce on one of the mummies. Okay, there, let's do this. After the catastrophe of the gap,

we just need to get our- So we're rolling for an initiative? Roll for an initiative, please. The great gapstrophy. As I'm gonna- What is, what is our initiative? How do we do that? Yes.

Just be decks. Good Lord. 17. It's gonna be very basic. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he had a tiny giraffe to me. Classic. That'd be a giant fucking chariot.

And I'll say, as one is carrying a large humanoid skull, and you see as you see that the remnants of body parts, parts around the upper has to what look like human torsos at first glance, but actually seem to be covered in a chitonous armor of the similar scorpion shape. And they seem to have been, you'd seen scorpion folk in your visions in the history of Anka Tap. And it seems as if they are building these horrible abominations from the corpses of these mutated scorpion folk.

As one mummy is just carrying the large skull to complete this creature, you shriek and they immediately go as they all turn and a whole fucking stampede of wacky ass animals charge into the room I don't know what a giraffe sounds and we will roll for an initiative as I'm gonna

we know what a shrew sounds like why don't we use that scorpion to put it in the center to see what is that giraffe sound like What does the giraffe say? The giraffe says, I'm sorry. No problem.

So I'm going to say like it's built. Your hair keeps thwacking me. You got to go on the other side. There's no room on the other side. I'll tell you. This one is. Yeah, there are two people over there and three over there. Yeah, I don't know.

I just, I always opt for this. And we'll just say that that's where they are. We know. As you roll in, okay, I need 20. 25. Oh, I got, oh, okay. 20, 15 to 20? 17. 17. Can I go first because I'm trampling? Yeah, because then I can get pack tactics.

Okay. Yeah, there you go. Amazing. What do you guys get? Two. I got an eight. Wow. You can go first. I'll go first. I'll go first.

I feel like you would go first with your view. That's fair. Peeoo! Where's Monsters One? Here we go. Oh, let's get the, yeah, yeah. I put it here for a reason. El battle comes.

Okay. So you were able to charge in as you Lovty, the Dyer giraffe, thunders in, making an attack on whatever you're going to do. Yeah, so I would run... Technically we're all large, right? But I was just going to... Yeah.

I would just hand wave it. Yeah, it's fine. I would run stampeding towards number one. And when I reached it, I would make a hooves attack on it, which I will do now. That's the scorpion. The trampling chair. No, the mummy.

Could you trample the scorpion? Yeah, use the trampling charge. Because I think I would call out, I've got the little ones, Lofty. You go for the scorpion. Is the scorpion a live thing? No. Not yet.

Not yet. I don't think it's something to attack yet. So you get the sense that it- Oh, so we can't attack the scorpion yet. I mean, we could. You could attempt to destroy it. So it's very clearly in the process. You see that actually the one that's like,

looking at you that's closest to you, is holding the skull to complete this thing. And so if you wanted to easily- I'm gonna trampled on that's holding the skull. Yeah, okay. That was a fucking wow. That was a wacky roll. That was a fucking long walk.

So 17 plus six, I'm assuming that hits. Yep. Okay, so when I hit it, The target must succeed on a DC-14 strength saving throw or be not prone. Go ahead. It actually fails. Watch these three mummy lords. If the target is prone, the draft can then make another attack with hooves against it as a bonus action.

So I'll make my secondary. So how much damage is it to do? Well, can I just... Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because then I'll roll damage at the same time. Uh, 11? 11 that actually missed.

Oh, no, that hits. Because if he's prone, I would be advantage. Advantage, yeah. So he rolls twice. Yeah, that dice is really well. It has no edges. 11 actually hits. Okay.

Really? All right. So in that case, this is 2D6 plus 4, G6, 10, 18 bludgeoning damage. 18 bludgeoning damage. Mission number one. Oh, no, no, no, hold on. I'm sorry, that was the wrong thing.

Sorry, new feet for your trample. While everyone's waiting, I'll show you my drawing of my shroom. I was made sure to accentuate the incredible quads that I have to be able to jump so far and fast. Let's get it on the battle, yeah. Let's get it on the battle, okay. 30.

30, old. That is horrifying. I also have to picture I had my hands, my rat hands. And, you know, just because I wanted to feel a little bit better with myself, I didn't myself in good biceps. You have 14 muscles in your thigh. You're like a ball sack with upwards. It's a time.

It's a nightmare. Imagine the muscle mass. I mean, he just sent a goblin 40 feet straight. I don't want to. No, I don't want to talk about this anymore. You see the dire giraffe collapse. The skull of this thing clatters to the side, and the other skeletons attempt,

or the other mommies have tempting him to pick it up. Did you get my redone damage? Yes, yep, 30 damage, yeah. Okay. So am I, like, on top of him? I would say, no, you're in front of him. And so he's knocked back. And if you want to move to the side, that's also fine.

Okay, move it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess I would just continue. I'll just stand here. Awesome. Okay. Iris, you're up. As you see this one get trampled. I'm going to run in to the middle. Okay.

Basically trying to push Lifty out of the way. You're able to do that easy. I could probably stand under her. Because I want to be in that exact spot when I cast a Samstorm, and so they'll all take five fire damage. Nice. Okay. Holy shit. It blasts out and you feel

feel the heat, but as a sandstorm erupts out of her fur, and it swirls around as they all take five fire damage. And you actually see it, you see it also blasts into the scorpion, despite it not being created. It is getting damage as well. Yes. Yes. Okay.

Yes. Okay. The Stanstorm is swirling around. All right. So as Iris does her battle starting stream, I will also charge into the fray, dash it, well, not dashing, but running 20 feet forward in a straight line at this mummy man back here. Oh. And I will...

And throw the entirety of my body weight at him as I attempt to pounce at him. So if I moved at least 20 feet straight forward towards a creature and hit with a claw attack on the same turn, so I'll make a claw attack. We should have been labeled rat hands attack. Shit. You can twist it. It's looking like an... You have a multi-attack, though, right? Well, no, I have to do pounce first.

Right? It just says... And then hit with a claw attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's three attacks. One with its bite, with its bite. All right. So, pounce for the bite, you missed the bite.

Now, you have two claw attacks. Yes. Yeah, get three attacks. They all hit for like... Garbage. Fuck, that's another eight. It's like it's eight to miss. Alright, one more Clause sac.

Bicepoles. Okay, a one. It wasn't meant to be. I throw the entirety of my body weight. I hate the mummy and I just bounce off. You tripled the large skull for this scorpion and my feet are flailing in the air as I hit the mucus and land in the sand and that's my whole turn. Okay. I like a pretty...

That's for it. It's amazing. I'm still, I'm like a bard at heart, right? So I think I'm like, I need magic, music, jokes, and that sort of thing in order to help me. I slither forward. And as I do, I start to tell a joke. I say, a Nec-Besian architect goes up to his builder and says, Hey, do you know how to build a pyramid?

And the builder says, well, yeah, up to a point. Who all the mummy sees you, like. Yeah, who knows what the fucking mummy here? But I do attack with a bite, attack. A little chuckle. That's going to be a 12 to hit? Hits, yeah. Outstanding.

That's going to be nine points, sorry, 11 points of piercing damage and six points of poison damage. It's not going to be affected by the poison damage. Oh, okay. He's immune to poison. So he is just taking the piercing damage, and he is also grappled. Okay.

He is in my mouth, and I'm just, You do that. Spat it out, you know, my face. This is a surprise round. That tastes weird. Can you set the scene of like what items and objects are in this area? So you see there's a number of tools, there's bits of body parts of Scorpion folk and of other human noise that they're basically constructing. There's half, there's remnants of, of, it's basically a ruined chamber of like a workshop.

Uh, let me just read this one quick. Thoughts about to burning the thunder. So I'm gonna walk up here and I'm gonna start running at the... We can say that he got knocked off the side. Yeah, it's fine. And I'm gonna start, I'm gonna put my head down. And I'm gonna charge moving to at least 20 feet in front of this mummy. Like I'm about to headbutt.

But instead, I just stop there and then I just like kick like a metal tool behind me. And with my back foot and I'm going to... And a thunderous sound... and everybody within a 10-foot sphere of like, let's say, here, so everybody, all of us, we all have to make, except me, have to make a DC-15 concept. What are they? Well, I might. I got it.

I can't believe that. I fail. I am blown away. I absolutely fell. I am literally blown away. Yeah. No. I got a 14.

Is it you just add what's on there? Yeah, plus two. Oh, I got a 14. I got a 12 plus two. Shoot. As you run by it. Oh, it's a donkey. What an ass.

Yeah, right? How much damage? There's so much damage. Oh, 15 points of thunder damage. Oh, my God. And if you saved half of that. Jesus. Oh, my God.

Okay. A creature made of inorganic materials of a stone, crystal, or metal has disadvantaged on the saving throw. And non-magical objects that aren't being worn or carried also take the damage in the spells area. So if I could also

apply that to the scorpion... I would say you see the scorpion start to crack a little bit from this thing. Absolutely. It automatically fails that. You hear screw streaming and you look at the true blood running out of my true ears. And apparently pee. Oh, pee? Apparently,

I feel like. Oh, I'm doing it. It's just like, this is a serpent. You look that up. I'm involved in kicking and there's sand and pee and urine and blood just everywhere. Okay. Doesn't be a sleepy trail of camera. The aristocrats.

Yeah, there's also just a trail of pee as I pounced at the mummy. I don't know why. I just, I'm trusting chat. Hopefully you guys aren't fucking me make you look ridiculous. Also wizards, they just pee. Felix, unintentionally, also is he. You're in our attraction. Andy, too.

And Andy, yes. Yikes. Here's an adhesive bandage. Anyway. Kelse. Oh, wow, it's me. Again, wow. Yeah, we got a surprise round.

Oh, they're up. They're also going to set out. That's the sandvale, right? They actually roll a pretty high perception thing. So now I will lower my long, long neck and take like a swinging, swiping, ram attack against number three here. Okay.

Um, shoot, served enemies. Ah, 11. That hits, right? That does, yeah. They are not very fast. They are, I don't know how else to say this. You see mommy. I love that. I still think that they're gonna turn it over,

like, oh, disintegrate. That is nine bludgeoning damage. Number three, yeah. Just easily atomized. This is red blood everywhere. Blood and Pete. Blood and Pete. Blonde is staying the

for this part on the trampling charge, it's as if the target is prone. Is that only during a trampling charge, or could I also step on that guy who's burned? It's part of the trap. Oh, good to know. So you smash him as he is not expecting a room full of animals to be charging him.

As he's... As he sees the skull for the scorpion between both him and his friend, the other one is looking very rough as half of his chest is game, Dan. And he's in Capriese's mouth. Yeah. And on fire.

And I've got planned for him. Yeah. Gerald, finish the trophy. Iris here off. I am going to look towards that one that was looking around and I'm gonna bite him. Okay. And I have packed tactics, so I'm at advantage

when I go to bite him. 16 to hit. That hits. And so I'm gonna do Yikes. Five piercing damage. Five piercing damage to number two or three? Zach says you're venomous.

Whichever one was the one that was looking between his friends. Oh, that was number three. Yeah, so number three. So five piercing damage and he needs to make a strength saving throw or be knocked prone from my bite. He fails. So he's prone. and then as a bonus action,

I'm going to blast all of them with fire again for five points of fire damage. As the sand scorches around once more, and you see as their bandages are burning, their flesh is burning. Do you get to pick for you to hit with that? It's all of them because they're within 10 feet. Yeah, but also other things that are within 10 feet of me?

Yeah, it's only enemies. Yeah, it says. Same for the follow, Don Robles. Thank you. Kyle. Comment. Oh, I don't know. The one on the ground was very rough,

and he's on fire. The sandstorm has literally caught him on fire, and he's in the mouth of a snake. Felix, you're up. All right, I'm gonna write myself, and as I, as I write myself up, I see that the mummies are, like, thrown and on fire, and there's like this just absolutely cacophony

of sound just exploding. I turn to the one that I threw myself, at, pee on it. What? You're gonna pee on them? Well, no, not yet. I write myself up, and I see all this happening, and I look at the one that's right at me that I just flew myself at to no avail, and I lean forward and I begin to chew on his ankle.

There you go. Get in there. Oh, God. Is it 11 enough to hit? Yeah. Okay, that's probably good enough. That one's good enough. So two of my attacks hit.

It tastes like licorice. It tastes like licorice. So one bite, two claws. Yeah, so we'll just, yeah, we'll just say a bite, I mean, it's all the same damage, one's piercing, one, slashing, if that's that. No, it doesn't. Yeah, they don't call the same shit.

The matter. So then six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. 13 points as I begin to nibble at the bandage. Number two. And like claw the bandages a little bit, and like they start to fray a little. Yeah, you're using your red hands and you're tearing into it.

Your nose is like, is easily able to bend over the... My ears, my ears are still bleeding, and all this is happening. And I'm like, Ah! That's all I can do. You do that as you're nibbling at his ankles as one, as Caprices on one as a cobra,

and then there's a little Phenix fox on another from with I. Wait, so there's one like in you? Not yet. It's an app. Well, it's Caprice's turn. I've got most of his shoulder and upper torso. Okay, it's Caprice's time. It's Caprice's time.

And my mouth is full of this wrapped cloth, and him starting to slowly try to struggle and figure out what the fuck is going on. And thinking obviously that I need to continue to tell jokes for this purpose, I'll tell a joke. I know, I'm trying to figure out how long a day is. And after three hours, he called that day. And then I go in for another attack,

and I get a natural 12, so I will swallow the target. I eat him completely. You... Drew, did you just eat somebody? It tastes like liquorice. And you see the mummy's leg start to kick as he slides down to Price's throat. His hood like bulges out and you see it struggling

and then as soon as it gets in, it just completely stops as it dies. Once he's in there, he takes 12 facets. Yeah, no. He's fucking, he's ghost. As he swallowed him, he's fucking dead. If he gets turned back, is he going to be full of a skeleton?

We don't ask those questions. We don't ask those. We don't want to know. I'll tell you after I, number two. Ew. It can breathe shit out of human skull. It also is... This is...

It's a lot of war. You're just like, passing a lot of people. It's not me. The linen wrapping. Oh, at least I have a lot of the white with us. And then you get to the end and you're like, ugh, ah, ah, and you pull the skull out. And that'll be the conclusion of my turn.

I guess they get to go now. They get to go. Dissigrate, disintegrate, disintegrate, disintegrate, as a one that is being chewed, he's going to use his action to to pick up the skull as he's next to the scorpion and he's going to place it on

and as soon as he does it, I think he's next to it, right? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He can barely get to it. He can barely do it as he just picks up the skull next to him as he just reaches over the shrew. The skull, get that skull!

Oh god, he's gonna awaken some monstrosity. This is gonna be a hard file. Eddie was born to play Macquarie and Daughter. The role was made for him. As I realized that my, my, like, a claw and bite attacks aren't doing anything. I start to furiously pee on him, but like, oh, that stops. How much pain do you have? It's limitless.

It says so my character. It's like an alphemy jar. Really? No. Limitless. As he does that, and he attaches it, and then as the one on the ground that's being attacked, he sees this massive giraffe, and you see him going, and his eyes flashed with this horrible, dreadful glare. I need Luffy, he needs to make a wisdom saving throw.

Oh, great. The AC's going to be high. The ACs are like, or the DC's going to be high. It's your wisdom save, but minus proficiency. So it's plus two. 14. It's not bad. 14, that passes.

As you are able to resist. I'm wise, Dress. And it is then going to stand up. Stand up. I don't think that one was prone. Yeah, was. That's number three. One of them once.

That's number three. I not one of, no, I not one of them, bro. No, number three is prone from Iris, and he's gonna use half of his movements to stand up. And he's going to raise a mummy's fist and try to punch up. The Tennant fuck. Aw.

It's a monster. Monster. Oh, fuck, so, so. And he fucking misses. I guess, what's your AC? I got a, I got a 12. I got a 12. You see it almost as a bit, you've been, oh fuck.

As you hear them, and you get the sense like, what the fuck are these animals doing? They seem very shocked after seeing one of their friends get completely swallowed by Jesse Gerald. He's gone. As, as soon as,

as, The skull attaches and suddenly all of the candles burst up in the runic magic or the circle blasts as the scorpion begins to animate as monsters too. I'm just gonna be gonna go right now. As a . I can do what I want. Turn and look at the scorpion.

As he is going, who's next to him? Right in front of him. He goes for both of you with each claw, a shrew and a donkey. That is gonna hit Toa. It's gotta be. He's got a 16. Actually, my AC's in 11. That's donkey AC. He grapples you for, let's see how much damage he does here.

Where the fuck? By the way, if you're just joining us, we're all animals. Eight points of slashing damage as you are grappled. And he's going to go for the shrew, and that's only gonna be an eight. I miss you. And then he's going to dodge the way. And then he's going to take a stinger and attack the donkey.

Oh, no. Oh, man. What about the priest? The priest is right there. That is gonna hit. I'm gonna have it. Five points of piercing damage. You're fine.

And three points of poison damage. And a con saving throw for me. As you feel it trying to lock up your body. You got this. You got this. Oh, yeah. Con? Yeah.

16. I feel paralyzing venom from this horrible scorpion. As it clatters to life this horrible undead scorpion hybrid abomination of humanoid and scorpion and skull as it is, it looks like this. Actually, we, here, you guys can see what it looks like. It's just from Warhammer. And that is its turn. Yoy. Toa.

Dunkey. So I'm grappled in one claw. This guy just put me at the scorpion. I don't like that. the scorpion head on the scorpion. So I'm looking at these two targets. I lift, I rear up if I can, if I'm grappled around the midsection,

like I'm gonna be too mighty hoof attacks. I'm just gonna go back, just normal, and I'm gonna look at them, hmm, and just go to God. And I'm these baleful stare. Oh, wow. On the scorping in the last two months.

The way that you do that is, look at him and then you continue to turn away but the eyes do. And then I look at the other one. Klaus Saving theory said? Charisma. They all fucking fail. Oh, yeah. They have minus charisma.

So basically they're bained. They need to subtract a D4 from everything they did from attack rolls and saving them. Oh my gosh. You do that and you stare them all down and say, it's like you're about to smash them. You give them the stank eye. And you do that. Okay, Lufty, your turn. I will rear back in a really massive way and stomp down on three, or stomp them with my hooves.

Okay. That hits. I needed some combat from outrageous laughter. My fucking gut hurts. Oh, for you. Oh, wait. Can I hoof? I can hoove someone that's not prone, right?

Yeah. Okay. Is anyone prone? No. Oh, no. They all stood up. One's dead. That's an eight, or that's a max damage.

11. Oh, yes, all right. No, no, no, no. It's fine. I think, you know. 15. 15 points of number three? Wait.

No. More than, I'm sorry. 20. We got R. 25. 25. 25 bludgeoning damage. to number 48 is that what's on there it says 48 oh shit

4d8 yeah 4d yeah wow I'm 1d8 plus 2 yeah I know I'm too I just caught me and paced it from a bunch of like beasts that were all the same apparently it's a strong beast yeah I mean that's true you're gigantic you are gigantic like you know you actually smash on its fucking skull and it's completely pulverized. Oh, cool. As that happens. Iris, you're up. As a bonus action, I'm going to unleash my storm again and five fire damage to the remaining guy and Scorpion Gym. Yeah, they are both he catches on fire and he's trying to pat himself down as it's still whipping around. And then I'm going to sand swipe him. He needs to make a Constitution saving throw for me. Which one?

The Scorpion. Oh, I've got to be kidding. Twelve? No, he fails. He's a lot. He fails. He's a He's blinded for a minute. No. You shishishah in pocket sand. I mean, it goes into the skull eyes, and you can see the claw like, and there's sand in his eyes now, completely filling the skull sockets. Oh, good.

Okay, Felix you're up. I realized that my incredibly powerful bite and claw attacks have failed to stop this guy from putting the skull into the scorpion monster, so I decide to change tactics. I sit back on my hind legs, and I raise my tiny shoe arms up, and my eyes roll back of my head. I'm sorry to go, how did you have awakened the great shoe, God? You have awakened something you should not have. And I test sacred aura as this horrific energy bursts from me, and it smells like urine. And Caprice, Caprice, and Iris and Lifty are all blessed. by the Greek, by the same, the elder shrew god.

Oh. Wow, wow, wow. Does anyone else smell urine? It's just awful aura. It's just sand and aura and just go and things. Is that buttered popcorn? Oh. Yes, he's just pissing on.

He's imagining all of the chanting. But he's just pissing on us. I'm very dazed. I'm like something bust for when I hit the mummy. And like nothing's quite been right since. That's it, I cast Blass. That's my whole turn. And what is blessed?

A D. And what is the force to see if you do with the... Caprice, after swallowing the... Oh, God, that's funny. That's funny. Oh, Jesus. Scorpion Jim is still alive. Yeah.

And so it's number two. Yeah. I mean, I'm really hungry for more mummy. Well, you're still full with the mummy. You are still, he's not fully digested. So I can't swallow again? No. No, so he's, unless you cough him up, I guess.

That seems like a lot of effort. You also have 1D4 to your attack rolls and saving those. Don't forget, you're blessed. Thank you. You're also advantaged on your attack rolls against the scorpion. Oh, am I? Yeah, because he's blinded.

I feel like you didn't hear me before the first time, so I'll tell the joke again. An old Macbessian mathematician with trying to figure out how long a day is. But after 24 hours, he called it a day. day. And then I will go in for an attack. Close one D4. Four.

Don't let my sacred drew on and go to waste. 15. Your advantage. Your advantage. Crete. 16. 20 to hit. That hits. All right.

He just took to damage from my. Yeah, he did. He's been taking the sandstorm damage and he got Aeweed. He enjoys 12 piercing damage and one poison damage, and he is now grappled. He seemed to take this, the poison damage, actually, as you bite into him as he's grappled in this, and he's about as large as you are, or it really is as large as you are, as it is struggling, trying to get the sand out of his fucking eyes. I'm holding onto his carapith with my mutton tooth.

With that, the mummy is going to look at, I guess the shrew is next to him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Smells like this. And he's going to take our rating. Yeah, he's going to look at you and go, and go, and you have a stare off

that he's gonna use dreadful glare, make a wisdom saving throat. Oh, wisdom. No. That's only plus two. Oh boy. 15. You managed to resist as he then goes and tries to punch, you.

That's fine. Mommy, punch! It's gonna be a 15. That hits. As he's going to do a bit of damage here, seven points of bludgeoning. And five points of necrotic. Are you dead? It's like, it's like, and my body like flies.

And then I land lint in the sand. You're in sprays out everywhere. You have one, can you dodge? No, I'm unconscious. Oh, shit. I like to think, like when you drop a full water balloon, but you haven't tied off the nozzle yet, and just as empty, it feels fast.

As he's up or cause you're just living sand and like, and like, like, like, like, blow up cautious. Oh, shit, that's funny. I'm so sorry you're gonna die and that this is the end of your adventure, but. Holy moly. Oh, yeah. We have no tools to solve it.

He's going to clamp onto the snake, attempt to clamp out of the snake. Remember the spurfling is a rabbit. Oh, no, the mummy actually, oh no, The mummy's done. I got a tree really. As he looks down, like,

as the scorpion is going to, I guess, slash onto the donkey. The donkey. That's going to be 20. He's a disadvantage because he's blinded. Oh, that's right. And he's also grappled. He just can't move.

He's grappled, right? At disadvantage, it's still, he still gets a 17 to hit. I don't do it. As he's going to slash you. with some slashing damage. There's so many other ways we could have avoided this. We said two hours on a fucking gap.

We were just like, let's fucking fight him. 12 points of slashing damage. And he's going to grabble, he's going to attempt to claw the scorpion. Oh, he did advantage. And he would have hit, but he actually misses because he's blinded. And he's going to swing in with his tail. I'm the donkey. Your disadvantage.

Disadvantage. Oh my god, I would have, he fucking fails. You can't see as he's going to sting in. And then how does the blinded work with... He's blinded for a minute. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that's it. Get wrecked.

I forgot I wrote it like that, but that's exactly how I wrote it. Yep. So he's blinded for the minute. This is the best day over here. John, you're in advantage when you want to attack him. to attack him? Yeah, that's it. That's their whole turn, Toa.

So I'm still grappled. How do I think I might be able to get out? You'd have to use your action to use an acrobatics or an athletics check to... To get out. To get out. It'll be a contest. Just he-hahy your way out. But I guess he's being out.

Wait, so you're grappling the Scorpion. I'm grappling with you. Scorpion's grappling me. Okay. It's a grapple of shit. Oh, he did? I look very bad. Very dead. I'm playing dead very well.

Oh, my God. I'm actually just very unconscious. I'm like trying to get out of his claw and I'm like, hands. Okay, I guess I finally have to put these to use. I won't clap my, my hooves together. You're gonna rumming together. And then I'll just put it down and then go,

who I got? 21 to hit. 21 heads, yeah. It's 2 to 8. It's pretty good. Scorpion? What? The scorpion?

The scorpion. I guess I could get to the mummy. Don't forget you're in the monkey. Don't forget you're in advance. Oh, give you a critz. Yeah, almost. Always fish. Always fish.

Always fish. Fish for the crits. Nice. 12 plus. Five. Pretty freaking good. So 17. To the mummy?

No, to Scorpion. Sorry. Scorpion and Jim, we're calling him. As you clap your hoops together and then just foo, and just smack your skull and do it. Is it? Yeah, we did. It cracks the cage.

therapist on this undead abomination. Yes. Lofti, you're up. All right, I am going to gallop back a little ways into the room and then rush forward at the Scorpion and make a trampling charge. So I'll make a hooves attack when I get there. Yes, good job, Lifty. And that fails.

You're at advantage. Oh, we're in advantage. Oh, we're blinded. And you're blessed. Right? Yeah, so you can add the... Oh, you're all in a bless, yeah. Add the bless now.

Add the bless. Oh, he's not the same as he. No, but his AC is 13. Yeah! Okay. So he has to make a strength saving throw. Math, everybody. A blinded creature can't see

and automatically fails any ability check that requires sight. Oh, but it's a saving throw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Strike saving throw that's gonna be an 18. Okay, so he does not get knocked prone, but I was... Oh, mine is Bain. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's Bain.

My bitch you didn't like being looked at in such a infection. So 18, 15. I still make it. Okay. But he will take some two damage. Oh. He's a giant giraffe. 14 plus 4 is 18 bloodgeneing.

Okay, you smash into it. 18. God damn. Okay. And can he take an opportunity attack if he has grappled? Uh, yes. Okay. Because he has two claws.

He's grappling one and he's... I'm going to activate my sandstorm, so him and the mummy will take five damage. That happens. The sandstorm swirls around, and they are getting chunks. You guys are O.P. And then I'm going to bite... I'm going to bite... I'm going to bite the slipper than rap.

Um, oh, and I'm... and I'm. I could do his feet. Yes, I guess I'll use my dime. 16 to hit the scorpion. Oh, 16. His AC 13. Oh, God.

You took all the heads. Yeah, uh-huh. Something like that. Oh, God. I cast Seigra and die. Six. Thanks for that. 10 points of piercing damage and a strength saving throw.

10 points of piercing, to number to the mummy. No, to the scorpion. 10 points. Yeah. Five to the mummy because of the sandstorm. Uh, you bite, you run up and you bite the skull of this thing. And as it's blinded, you crunch into it and it collapses and falls to pieces.

Scorpion? Oh, thank you. It collapses and falls to pieces as you lunge forward, tearing its fucking skull off. And there's one mummy like, what the fuck? Thank you, Willard the Wizard. Welcome. Felix, you're up. I met you.

I from the Faywild. Dead. Rats. A tail. The film, Willard. You see Felix to witch on the ground. It's a horror movie. Caprice, you're up.

If there are anyone in front of this. There's a mommy. Still alive? Yeah, just the mommy. And you're still blessed. And Willard says we all look groovy. Oh, thank you. Thanks.

Thank you. feel groovy. I like they're goofy. Yeah. Me too. It's a great word. Got a couple of... How's he looking?

He's a dope earlier? His last mummy. He's looking okay, actually. He's been hit by like 20 hit points where the sandstorm. Yeah, I got him for 13 as well. It's the only damage I did. I remember very well. I will turn to him with my eyes and they'll start to circle and spiral and twist and enchant.

chant and I'll just turn and say one word. Slee. And I will attempt to charm him so that he must succeed at DC-13 wisdom saving throw or attempt to run away. Wisdom? He's exactly 13. Poops. As he just blinks with his mummy eyes.

One, two, three, four, five. I'll move here. I'll move here and I'll just end my turn right there. It's the mummy's turn. It's the mummy's turn. Son bitch. He's going to use his dreadful glare. As you glared, as you hypnotize him like, he's going to glare at you and make a wisdom saving throw format.

I will do that. That's going to be a three. A three. You are immediately paralyzed. As you are immediately frozen because you failed to save by five or more. As you attend to stare back. And he is going to punch you. in the face.

No! And is that an automatic crit? Yeah. No! Yeah, paralyzed. Yeah. I will tell you. Paralyzed creatures incapacitated

and can't move or speak. The creature automatic creatures... He's only to make his attack roll. Attack rolls have advantage. If the attack hits, it is a critical hit. Yeah. So it's advantage and damage. Oh, and he's not flying.

That's... Paralyzed is like the NASCAR. Yep. And he punches and so I'm going to do a bit of damage. here. 12 points of bludgeoning and 16, 17 points of necrotic. That's 29? Yeah.

They fall. A completely paralyzed snake. It's a long rod just This mommy's taking out two of you and just punches you in the face with a necrotic you feel this curse seeking in you. Um, the beast is so cold.

The monsters two is dead, Toa you're off. So two of you have fallen. Oh, come from. Maybe K let's go. You kid my friend. Now I'm going to attempt to maybe kill you. and I'm going to back up, and I'm going to, and he can make an opportunity to attack if he'd like to. Oh, he's 100% is.

And I'm going to charge him. He's not as advantaged, but he's bained. So 17, yeah, he hits you. Because your AC's 11. 11. 11. 17, yeah, no, he's going to hit you. So I'm going to do bludgeoning on you. First, that's nine points of bludgeoning. Okay.

Hold on, hold on. That's pretty funny, alone guard. And 12 points of necrotic. 12, you said? Uh, yep. 12. Three hours late. Okay, so I say that, and I turn around to back up, and I think like, once step he

just punches me in the ass, and I fall in the tears. Matthew, the Destroyer! I would have been free free. For Cheryl. For sure. All right. All right. All right.

Right away. I'm gonna run out and then rush in and I will use my trampling charge. Okay. Here it comes. Oh my God. Remember that you're blessed, like I didn't when I took my savings for a gun.

Fuck that dice. Yeah. Add your shit. And your bless, add your bless. What is, that's 13. Yeah. Yeah, that'll hit. That hits.

Is he charged for- Make a strength saving throw. This is amazing. You just, you just, I'm so banned, right? Or no, is it a concentration? No, no, you're still bane. He would have passed, but because I'm bained, I fail. So he's prone.

So I'll make a secondary hooves attack. Okay. Okay. At advantage because he's going to crit. Oh, hey. Finally! Crid. So that is four D4 from the first and eight D4.

And this has to just explode his face, but I want to, I never crit. How many do you need? Here's some deep. I need. I need. Those are DH. I need, here's another D4. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

What did I see D4s? I don't need D4s. D8. No. Nice. There's more God. So you would back up and then charge probably from here? Can I have 48?

Yeah, she moved her. Yeah. So you would probably charge like from here. Wherever, I was just making a room. Okay. Do you get an opportunity attack, though? Or were you not in melee? I was in melee.

I just backed up to give myself to 20. The 20 foot, uh... Let's fucking go. Yeah. The thickest giraffe of all time. Yeah. the room. So that is...

More sausage shape than anything. On wheeling the web. 16, 20, 27, 28, 29, 30, 37, 40, 49, 50 plus

so 58, 68, 62. You just did Toa damage. How do you want to be? to do this. Messily. So she's doing a trampling charge and all of our bodies are here and she's a large creature. So she tramples all of us and kills us all in the same. You take a death saving throw.

You can fail a dead saving throw. Oh, no. As she trampled over all of you get a bro. You see, as Caprize gets kicked, he spins up the one and then flies out of his alpha and they scatter. But you don't even stop. You just run. Wait, where is he? And he's completely smeared beneath your hooves.

You don't know, and he's just completely... How do you talk about? So we're all bleeding out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I assume he's gone. He's dead. And so I'm going to look behind me and see the carnage.

And then you'll see a... You'll see a branch kind of grow down from the ceiling and from this branch some figs will grow out and I'll very calmly take my long giraffe tongue and just a one-by-one pick these figs down and I will nudge one into I'll divide them. Well, you can do want to turn. We're going to see if they die in that time. Choose which one you're going. To feed someone, it's one.

So it's probably an action to create the figs. Oh, okay. I thought we were out of... Because it's like potions, you know? I'm going to have to start. I just really want to see if Andy dies. I'm out. I always say you can feed it to one person.

Okay. Before that, as a bonus action. Oh, as a bonus action. I will feed... I'll go over here and feed it to the show. He's really upset with you. You should feed it some else. Oh, he wants to die?

No, no, no. Have you ever had a fig shoved down your throat by a long purple puck? Yeah, I have no fingers, but my tongue is quite, I'm just gonna like, with my super hairy paws, I hold the shirt's mouth open so that the giraffe can stick her tongue down his throat. What does it do? It will give you one. Oh, the petrels out.

Ah! Are you? Are these? Who are these? And then I'm laying there. And then it's my turn. I'm laying on my side. And so I would like to take one and shove it down Toa's throat.

Okay. You are healed by a healing thing. Okay. And I'll say, Felix, you can go before Caprice has to roll that saving throat. But you don't have to if you want to. I lay there. I'm being, very, I'm beat, I'm beat too absolutely. Make a death a day.

All right, there's a 5% chance that Caprice is irreversibly dead. That's a natural one. I actually don't. His fate. Well, thanks for, thanks, you're in rat. I don't, I don't even know where I am. How am I gonna run some victory? I don't know what happened.

I got punched in the next week. You know, do you see this, the song of the True on your character's sheet? Yeah. I don't know what's going on. What is the song of this? True, I gotta know. It's a healing spell.

I was gonna heal tell, but I got killed before I could do it. I'm using Twist of Dred to have you re-roll up. That's not what Twist of Dreads are four. There's only a one and four in a chance that I just irreversibly die. Just to get all this fucking eyes. I have one saving throw. I have one death saving throw. That's my last twist of Dress.

Oh, that's very sweet. nice thing. Thank you. That's not very dreadful. Just save it. That was ridiculous. Okay, yeah, so I will take another fig and shove it. There's barely enough room with the mummy boat. You have to kind of like force it down and like massage it down his throat. Get it in there. Yeah. Are you okay? Thank you.

You're welcome. I have a few more. That was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be. Why did we do that again? Oh, the second love. Here. Did somebody say we should meddle? I was destroying this.

Yes, I did say that we should not and we should try to sneak by, but you were all convinced that it would be a roll in hay. I don't remember saying anything about hay. Leon said we should fight them. We're super-powerful animals. Look at the things we can do. Let's go ahead and do it. And so I screamed and judged him. I'll be honest. I got knocked around pretty good. I don't remember much. I'll give you the rest of the fig, so two more each. How many times got like that song?

As much as you want. It's once a turn. So then once, so I'm laying in the dirt and she's like handing out the face. And I'm going to just be, I'll be like laying in the jerk breathing hard. I'll be like, does it have to pee?

And I'm just like, do I go over and over again? And we'll all just go to full hell. As I see that in the dirt, but I'm getting stronger and stronger as the shrew song in my shrew heart comes for. That's the most.

beautiful song I've ever said. What? I start crying. What are you to say? What are you going to say? Capriestrops back, is it right? He died. Guys of the fakers.

So I will continue to sing my song of the shrew for as many, like 20 minutes straight if I had to. And so we're all full health. I'm going to sand swipe everyone so that everyone's blinded. Get a sand swipe and you get a sense on my cornea! We have to all agree. No more fucking combat. We'll cause.

Can we go? Can we get out of this place? Please. Yeah, I agree. Is there anything that I would consider valuable that a snake could take with it in its goddamn hellhole? I would say. Make a group investigation check. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

Are we, am I still blessed? You're trying to look like this. Yeah, if I break everything that was done. I'll say you're all still blessed. I got a nine. Oh, I'm not blessed. I got a 16. In, uh, it's in, right?

Oh, wait, am I still blessed? Plus my in? With a natural one, let's see. I got a 20 with my blast. 21. Three. I would say. I'm on my head hurt.

Yeah, this is too much. This session has been Faywild levels of redemption. This is so fucked up. And you're all the while in New Mississippi. That's the funny thing. These are the heroes I chose. You are able to find with those roles to balance out the poor roles.

You're able to find, there's a number of tools, there's a number of body parts of where they had been assembling these creatures and skeletal humanoid. Is there a gem-encrusted bowl worth roughly like a large amount of money? No. You actually see, pardon me, you see that there is, that you see there's actually a few jars similar to the ones that you had seen in Castle Gloomvale of those with that contain those necromanic, those connopic jars that it contained those scarabs. But there don't seem to be any. And you actually see that there's, more of these... Is there a tiny reliquary

worth at least a thousand gold pieces containing a sacred relic such as a scrap of cloth from a saints robe or a piece of parchment from a religious text? No. Fuck. There is all of that, except there's no scrap of it.

You find the reliquary, but there's nothing inside. Oh. But you find a number of canopic jars that would have scarubs, but they also need to be empty. But what you do find of interest is you actually find a...

a map, a very crudely drawn map of this section of the labyrinth. Is there a fork to metal rod worth at least 250 gold pieces attuned to a particular plane of existence? No. There's a fork. Does the map say where we are on the map? I would say that you get a sense of the general shape and the symbols that these mummies had used as far as like this workshop of creating one of these workshops. And you get the sense that there seems to be some sort of,

it's incredible how many different chambers there are and ruins there are here. But ahead of you, there seems to be the one that's actually closest to an exit. And there's various pathways to go there. There is a, what seems to be some sort of hive, some sort of layer or hive of some type of insectoid creatures. You see there's actually some sort of ruined, ancient ruined city off to, not closer to the exit, that seems to be scorpion folk.

These, the corrupted former residents of the land of reeds and lotuses. But heading forward, there's a hive and there's, that's one option. And then towards that, the closest to the exit, what seems to be marked by books and scrolls, as if it was a library, a sunken subterranean library. Is there any mercury, phosphorus, and powdered diamond and opal with a total value at least 1,000 gold pieces, which the spell might consume?

Say that again? Could I find potentially mercury, phosphorus, and powdered diamond and opal with a total value? A little bits here and there, but the combined value is worth at least thousand gold pieces the spell would consume it. Yeah, can we? Mercury, phosphorus. Diamond and opal? Yeah, sure, why not? Fuck yes.

Carry all those things. We have a crown on your tail. I'm not sure how you're managing that. Well, I'll put it in my mouth. Do you only die on mercury poisoning if you just put in... Mercury's a planet, you idiot. Oh, I'm sorry. And that's the last thing you would say before the mercury's listening turned you into a mine prison as your body decayed, but your mind stayed totally a little lucid throughout the entire process. That's fine. Look, we all have buttholes here.

Each one of us can carry some of this. Ew! I'm not doing that. I'm not putting mercury in my bottle. I'll put the mercury in my bottle. I'm pretty sure I just died. The snakes have a buttholes. That kind of leaves him in charge of doing it

because he's the only one again with the brad hands. You just put it all in the jar. Oh, that's a good idea. I have to hold one of those jars that gives me a lot of stress to think back that time I was getting eaten a line. You just have to put the stuff in the jar and put a jar in somebody's presumably Iris's butthold. No, no, you just like tie it to a rope

and I'll put it around my neck. Oh, yeah, that seems bad. Yeah, yes. a pack meal yes that's so much more reasonable I have hard-working resilience after all do you have saddle bags no I mean I'm just a donkey I'm starting to begin to think of my bottle as just a pocket I think we can just avoid that by feelings to just make a few like like I'm not even mad it seems convenient though that Adventress has zippers what what what in Adventress you can get

something with a zipper on it What's a zipper? That's it? No. Your jacket has zippers, doesn't it? He's not wearing a jacket. He's a cobra. I don't know how I just mean normally. I guess you've more of a vest.

Not really a jacket. Yeah, yeah. Don't pay them from this. This is outrageous. I don't have a bunch of buttons on my fucking coat either. Anyway, Felix takes a little, ties a bunch of jars onto it, and now we can put stuff in the jars,

and I'll care you about my neck. Including all the stuff. Just the artist fan. And then we'll leave. No, we got to go to the library. So in that direction, I'd be curious if we don't go to the library. We have one or three directions. We don't have an escape.

We have the library, nightmare scorpion town, and nightmare something else town. Yeah, so it sounds like a library. That seems like the best way to go and maybe find some information on how to get out of here. We'll find more mummies. Maybe. Maybe we won't. I don't hear them. Do I?

I would say, no, you don't hear any, you don't hear anyone in this immediate room, no. We go to the library. Let's go. You make your way through these, the labyrinth, keeping an ear out. You hear the occasional shuffling of an undead creature or the skittering of these large insects. You get the sense where that hive or the general layer of this is as dictated by the map. And you can hear the skittering or the legs of scorpion folk. However, as you make your way through, you see you're following the general location of the map.

It's leading towards the library. And you, at least is dictated by books and scrolls, scribbled by undead creatures. And eventually you turn round one bend in the labyrinth. and you actually finally see natural light, flickering candlelight and lamp light as it opens up and you see the warm glow of what looks like a relatively inviting fire crackling up ahead as you see what looks like actually still looks like ruins, but you see ruined wood shelves and bits of tattered rugs. and carpets and perhaps books and scrolls strewn apart. And you do, however, hear the sound of shuffling and rustling and muttering of a strange voice coming from the library. Guys, I think we're pretty close to the Thurfin.

That's amazing. Yeah. I mean, I'll just like, as I'm talking, look around the library quick, is it completely ruined life. So if you're approaching, Yeah, stealthily, and Iris does her thing so that we're still... So we have cats without a train. I actually do need stealth rolls.

Okay. Please be like... Oh, God. I'm rolling like garbage. It's just investigation? Stealth. Without the... Oh, God.

Without the... No, with the 10. Okay, well then I get a 15 with a 10. 24. I got an 18. Roll like ass. 15 is the lowest. What's the...

He's rolling like ass. little. Okay. So as you approach, you see... The lowest is 14. Okay. No, 15. So you share similar... Yeah, we're both equal.

You approach stealthily the sand all around you, but the non-hooved animals, the pawed animals, remarkably are the ones that are making the most noise. From inside of my belly, you can hear. Woo! Oh, no, my dexterity changed. My dexterity is plus two.

So hold on. So 13. 13, okay. Oh, boy. You see what looks like a massive library up ahead. Large stone columns crumbled away, shelves, some having been toppled over, ancient looking tomes with leather-bound

covers and spines, scrolls tied up, some withered away, but some very clearly still resting, as it seems to be that this is the ruins of an ancient library. Think the, basically, a ruined version of Wanchi Tong's library in Avatar The Last Arabender. Not that massive, of course, but a large, relatively circular chamber. And you see a hunched figure rummaging through books that are on the ground and picking things up and you see as it is hunched and robed and you see a purplish claw with desiccated, diseased flesh, reach up and almost looks talent-like.

As you see, as you hear nothing, as you see a vulture-like head raise up and grab a book and with a single wave of a hand, all of the pages flip through, and a flash of eyes as he looks through, as you see Vorok, the Carrion King. He's weak. Kill him. And actually living up to his name as where you see the disease that Virgil Zern had plunged

into him, had not killed him, but very clearly has caused his flesh to achieve some level of necrosis. As his, as it looks like he's living and rotting, and you see him move a hand as an entire, as an entire bookshelf scrapes towards him, as

he, as he looks over, and he's seemingly pouring over tom and scrolls, and he's desperately, and he seems to have, he's looking for something, some sort of desperation, and you hear him muttering,

And at this advantage point, you can't quite hear what he says. But as you approach, I actually need a group perception check to see how well you're in. Well, I'm advantaged because I'm a finnic false. Jesus, I can't do anything right now. Natural point. Oh, shit. 16. 17.

17? So my actual... Some wisdom. Yep, it's 22. Wow. 19. Okay. He's actually being quite loud.

I will kill Onkatep. You traitor, useless. I won't see it coming, as he seems to be furiously muttering and just muttering to himself, hateful words against Ankhattep, seemingly. As he rummaging through, he's very quickly reading books. reading books and scrolls. We don't want on contempt to die. It's more like we need him to be trapped in some sort of prison forever so that you can't ever die.

Yes, like an amber psychophagy. Yeah, I mean, that would do it, right? Would you know anything about that? Well, we were at the Amber Temple and we were overcome by... Oh, yeah, it was all the... And we also had the... We also have the Amber Key, a broken one. Yeah, I learned a bit about it.

Right here. Except for I don't have pockets all in my bags right now. Ravis whispering. Yeah. Yeah, but... Or stage whispering, damn it. That's exactly right. Yes.

Yes, we should stage. We should be even louder. Yeah, I can do that. But what if he doesn't know that Anglop wants to die, so if we told him, then maybe he would try to help us not kill him in thus torture him more? I think if we were to say, hello, we're those people that have fucked up your plans, but now we're a shrew, a donkey, a snake, a fox, and a giraffe. He would laugh at us and kill us. What if we didn't say, hey, we're those people that fucked up your plans?

And instead, we just said, hey, we're a donkey, a shrew and a fanny fox. We don't understand us. That's true. We don't. And trust me, the first... We could walk in there and be like, he-ho, he-ho, he-ho! But that would be what towed us. The first thought that's lost my mind is we kill him in his vegan state. But you saw what he could do.

He still clearly has access to lots of very powerful magics. He could probably kill us instantly. Without access to our actual power, I don't think we should engage him in any way. We should just sneak right past him. And it sucks because I feel like I'm more powerful than I was, the beginning of the day. I have an idea.

What? Let's ask, he has powerful magic. Let's ask him to turn us back into ourselves, and offer that we'll go and take care of Anketap. And he'll agree because if we fail, what's it to him? Right, that's actually not a bad idea, because if we fail, then we die and we're out of his hair. And if we succeed, Onketep is out of his hair.

Hillary Snyden. So making a deal with him doesn't sit right with me after all the horrible things they did. They're not responsible for bringing Virgil's age. We basically enacted Virgil Zoon's full of plan and got him that way. I don't think he would like us very much. Well, I don't like him at the same very much. I don't either.

All we need is for him to just turn us, and he doesn't know that we're us yet. And then we're killing us. Or run away really fast. We could also try to tell him that we are gods stuck in human form, and that we will bless him with a boon if he helps us to regain our human forms. But then when the blessing doesn't come, they'll fuck us up. Well, whatever. Once we're back into Iris, Felix, Toa, Caprice, and Lufty, we will absolutely destroy him. I would feel better if I had access to my magic.

What if you only like, dek, undoes one of us, and then asks for the boom? And then it's just a bunch of animals, and we just die. That's a fair point. Do we think he has the ability to even give us back to our natural state from the first? I took anti-life shipping. Or anti-magic. So if we could convince him to turn me back, then I could quickly cast that spell, and he couldn't cast magic at us, and you would stop being animals. Because it would cancel your magic.

Maybe. I've never used it before, but I imagine that's how well. We don't really know the nature of the state that we're in. Well, it's of course magical in some way, or it wouldn't have worked. That's fair point. A true polymorphous magic. Well, it's magic, but I mean, terrible that you're a donkey, no. No, but I mean, I think the whole point of true polymorph is that it's not really like...

It's like... It's like, it's like it's done. It's like I'm actually a donkey, is a point. So then you're actually a donkey forever and talking to him isn't going to do us any good outside of a wish spell. And I doubt we're going to... Then I doubt we're going to find it anyway to get five wish spells. And plus, I think true polymorph has a certain amount of time you have to be polymorph. have to be polymorphed before you stay that thing forever.

Oh, no. Which is probably an hour, in which case, well, we spent that like three hours trying to get and by true polymorph, I don't mean like the literal spells. Obviously a curse. I'm just saying it's not just some temporary thing. We didn't have this conversation when you were all turned into dolls. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fair. We were all up to ever then. That's true. It's fair. So we need to make a decision. Do we engage or do we engage? we go around. For what it's worth, I do think it's maybe one of the only ways we can get back,

but it just doesn't sit right with me. I mean, he needs to pay. Well, then let's go around, and we'll mark it in our head space that he's here, and we'll come back and kill him until later date. Yeah, but what if he doesn't stay here? What if he finds what he's looking for, and then he does kill Uncle. Will? How do you say it?

Anka, Champ. Uncle. Uncle Tedd? Does he know that... Does he know that Uncle Ted wants to die? We don't know. He probably doesn't. That's what I was saying. Look, yeah, different.

I propose we go and talk to him and if he's a minimal, we get transformed. We don't, we can come back and kill him anytime after we've been transformed into our normal self. It's using for what we need and then just kill him, horribly, when we're down with him. Here's what I would suggest. Why don't we sneak past him and dip through this room and then one of us can go back and try to talk to him. Oh, that's going to be Caprice. That way if he explodes, you know, Caprice. It's just Caprice. Well, then we need to figure out which one of us is the least

valid. Well, no, I think Caprice has the best chance of convincing him. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Thank you. But I think we should get through first that in case it does go south, you know, we have a chance to maybe save them or maybe get away. Yeah, I agree. Let's get the effort. Let's get the outfit a little closer to it. Done. I'm like the night.

Could I... Could I have a piece of you? Which piece? I don't know. Could I cut off the tip of your tail? No, wait. You just shut up. You don't need his tails?

Just like a piece of... Do you, the snake's scale or something that I could take? So that way, if you do die in here, Wardley, when I become Iris again, if I become Iris again, I have a bit of you that I could regenerate and make you again. I see what you're saying. Yeah, you can have a scale. Thank you, darling.

I'm gonna- I'm gonna brutally live a scale. I would say you take one point of piercing damage from her claws. I want it to be really brutal. And it'll say two points. Okay. One point of piercing damage as one point and... It heals from the song of the Shrew.

I love your Shrew. The most beautiful, really. Let's get let's just Let's just fucking get around this guy We creep, steal Not like steel We steal and I believe we're still under Pest Without crazy

Yeah but the lowest was a 14 right Oh shit Oh 13? 13 13 That was me Iris maybe you should just ride on my back Well we don't know I'm fine I have incredibly

I have incredibly fluffy paws To keep my hands Your nails are really loud As you attempt to make your way through. This, there's a lot of scattered, a lot of scattered stuff. And you actually notice as he chucks a book behind him in frustration, as it flies and clatters in your direction, it actually causes you to misstep and you knock into a handful of, into a

broken table that then scatters and clatters. And you hear him, you see his, with his passive perception of 20. as he turns and cranes and you see that disease vulture head look in your direction as who is spying on me we're not spying on you

we're trying to walk around you yeah don't mind off but just a bunch of random animals walking through a labyrinth you see him turn and you see his hunched form his large robes still that plush, gaudy,

that very elegantly crafted design, but you see where Virgil Zern's sword had pierced him. There's bloodstain there and there's rot and decay. As he looks at you and he blinks and you see his claw raised and glowing with magic. What is going on here? You're getting around me? and he starts to get closer. Talking animals.

So you can understand what was sick? Oh, that's surprise. Well, that is convenient, isn't it? Hi there. Hello, I'm Phenic Fox. Nice to meet you. I'm a snake. You can call me snake.

Are you sent by on Katap? Hmm? To spy on me? You know, you're really self-centered. Not everything's about you. Very much the other. Yes, it is. I do.

I don't know why I shouldn't eat you, especially you. You look delicious. He's because of that piss. And I'm going to, I'm going to hide behind Toa as the donkey. I'm going to hide behind him. And you see his beak clack as his face is sunken in as he steps towards you. And he says, this is the most interesting thing that's happened. since I've arrived in this dreadful, dusty place.

It is dreadful and dusty. And also, you can maybe eat some of the others, but this one is mine, and I'll coil around Iris. And I am going to attempt to shuffle my snake body as best I can to hide her tail and the object that is hanging around his tail. Good thinking. Yeah, good thinking. Shit.

Make a... What a sneaky snake. Make a deception check. That's where I'm a Viking. Hitcher 20. So my actual deception is 25. You completely, and you get the sense that he's crawling the forward, and you see a lick of flame in his claws,

and as you do it, he seems a little bit more intrigued. And you get the sense that he's toying with you, and that's why he's not lunging forward to kill you immediately. as he takes the book that was in his hand as soon as he noticed you and he just throws it to the side. So I'm not hearing a reason why shouldn't take each of you as a delight meal one by one. Yeah, well, first of, I'm incredibly muscular. It would be tough and disgusting. I don't care for that. Yeah, it's just foul.

And I mean, honestly, that one is Piedong himself non-stop. It's been a harrowing day. Yeah. Really, it's... I'm 90% fair. Yeah, she's bony under there. Wouldn't get a good meal for you. But you know if you like hair, it's a moment.

You don't look like you're undead. Really? Yeah, you know. How do you end up here in the labyrinth then? Well, can you see, I am quite clearly in a Kyrian diaphenic fox. I'm born of this land. I read about you. Hmm.

And you, and you, and you, and you, and you. A Keeen Dyeraph. Yes, you can talk and you seem to be. Well, intelligence might be a little too kind. too kind for you. Have you thought that we're not the special ones that you somehow have a magical ability to understand us? Didn't we seem

surprised when you could hear what we were saying? Make a deception, check. We don't have, so just straight for Risma. Yes, it's no proff. Yeah, an 11. An 11, as he narrows his

eyes as he continues to get closer and closer to the group of you. And he's going back and forth like a predatory bird. I'm starting to mimic that action, by the way. I'm starting to sort of try to imagine. There is something more to you. Your voices sound familiar to me.

Yeah, maybe you saw us in a dream. I don't dream of animals, unless it's a feast. How can we possibly sound familiar? Yeah, I don't think you would have ever heard anyone like me in your life. What are you doing in here? Right back at you. Why are you looking at all over the library? What are you looking for?

Make a persuasion check. And it's just plus correct? No, it's my actual skill. No, because there's no proficiency. So it's just 13. 13. It's very weird to roll. 13 persuasion has complained.

Why are you demanding the intentions and the gongs on? Of Vorop the Kareen, king, have you not heard of me in this land? I was told that the entire domain was notified of my coming. I'm sorry, you're very important. But we're just animals.

Why would we have heard of your heralding in this plan. While they're talking, I want to use my long neck vantage point to see if I can see the books and stuff that he was looking at. Try to get an idea of what he was looking for. And right back at you, buddy. We're very important here in this labyrinth as well. And we're just looking for some fresh air on the surface.

So, you know. You can you keep out of our business and we keep out of yours. What do you get? 14. 14. You look and you can see that he's been, at least in this instance, in a certain area of the library. And you get the sense that there's a number of cures and remedies. And it seems to be like a medicinal sorts of, medicinal sorts of things.

that he's been, but as far as literally what he's looking for, you're not able to discern. And he kind of shuffles around as he's still getting closer and closer. As he narrows his eyes and his disgusting tongue kind of licks around the sides of his bill, his sharp beak, and you see the teeth with them. As he says, do you hear anything? I was saying. Did we hear anything you were saying? Yes, I have a tendency to talk while I am searching,

while I am reading and researching. Honestly, I don't hear that well. But did anyone hear anything? I've gigantic ears. I hear everything. So if you are not, servants of uncontactant, In the pharaoh, what are you doing in the labyrinth? Sneaking up on the Kareen king, if you do not know who I am.

We're sneaking upon the Keryn King. Who's he? That's me. I am Vorok, the Kareen King. How are we supposed to sneak up on someone? We don't know who they are. He's getting very frustrated. Honestly, did it sound like we were sneaking up with us clopping and flithering around?

Or a giraffe, a donkey, a pious rat. to snake and me. I'm a shrew. Honestly, if you have any suspicions and you think that we're up to no good, you should probably just cast to sell magic on a lot of us. Make a persuasion check advantage.

It's brilliant. A what? Persuasion check and advantage. Thirteen. Twist it. That was too good of an idea. That is a brilliant idea. No.

13. 13. It wasn't meant to be. He says he... That was pretty genius. He leans forward and you see a little bit of smirk at the edge of his mouth. And he says, You are cursed, aren't you?

Turned into these animals. Very classic, palatric. Classic story. That is how you must have opened a tomb in this labyrinth and it turned you into these disgusting animals. Is that a common thing? It's a very classic curse. Do you need to evacuate your bowels?

No, I've been doing that all day, thank you. You look very uncomfortable. Like I said, it's been a harrowing day. what you're here for. You're looking for a remedy and antidote for your curse? If we'd known the library we're here, we would have come, but honestly, it, this is just pure chance, really. So then why shouldn't I kill you right now? If I, you've interrupted me, do you know how many books and scrolls I could have read? In the time we've been conversal, if you have nothing to offer me, then I should try you all up and enjoy your feast.

We maybe don't have anything to offer you like this, but maybe if you could help us, we could offer you something in our better forms. Say hypothetically, we were cursed. We would be able to help you in our normal form. Make a persuasion check. At advantage because you're being assisted. This time it'll be a 23. Wow.

He pauses and, you. His eyes why. Now this is interesting. You are cursed. Are you? Explorers, archaeologists, from a tomb, what is your story? You've changed.

Open the wrong tomb. You're right on it. That's exactly right. Open the wrong tomb. Tell you what. Yes, we opened something we shouldn't have. And now you are. I bet you never would have made it.

No, I would not make it. The only way that I am left. This hideous, because I was betrayed. Refuse him to be absolved and healed. We're no fans back at that be either. Enemy and my enemy, right? And he looks at all of you.

There's no bird among you is there. That a vulture, that a six-eyed vulture. Oh. That's a trade. And you see there's a little bit of madness in his eyes. As his, as the, as whatever kind of diseases over him is really, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, bloodshot veins. So you want my help to get back to your friend. Who are your friends then, huh?

To return to our forms. Your forms. You've deduced correctly. You know, you got us red-handed and tailed. My best friend is a dire camel named Strepon. And he's going to be lost without me. Help us, and we'll help. We'll help you however we can.

Make a persuasion check advantage. Natural 20. Jesus. Now you're on fire now. One, 2020, 2020. Um, he had the sense that he was getting frustrated, but he kind of blinks and he looks, and he seems desperate. I might be pushing a little bit of the charm, uh, uh, the snake eyes on at this point, because I have that option, but I'm not trying to trigger anything. Well, if you are powerful enough to have made it all the way here without dying, there must be something to your ability.

How can I know that you are not allied with the Pharaoh? I mean, we said we were just exploring. We meant it. Who do you worship? Are you godly? I'm just a TA. I was just here for extra credit in my college courses. Most of us are very young.

We've met to learn very much about the world and about the gods and goddesses. what religions we might have. Tell me what you know the Raven Queen. Are you guys? Not too much. There are no Ravens? Nothing, not really.

Sorry, she's not really. Poop deception check. We don't, though, do we? About the Raven Queen? No match about the Raven Queen? Your Felix worship, her worship. I would know about her, but...

Yeah, I would say I don't know much about her. Deception group. What is deception? I feel like... Not being deceptive? Did you say decept? Charisma. Oh.

Charisma. If I'm not saying anything besides acting and looking like a don't-tee. That's fine. That's fine. You haven't said anything. Charisma? Oh, boy. And if I feel like I'm not being deceptive.

Yeah, I think that's fair. If you feel like you're lying, you know, you're trying. Am I having my deception's going? No. Fuck, I got an eight. So yours would be plus two because it's minus the five. 17. 17 also for me.

Okay. I honestly mean it. I don't. no much. There are little tidbits that's respectable on the way. He let's out of breath. If he can agree,

I mutual hatred, the Raven Queen, the monk tit, then we can ensure that we are perhaps allies. If you're powerful, and you are not of, you are not

any of mine, are you? They will survive, certainly. If we had been of yours, we would have known who you are. We would have known who you are right away and come to your aid. I would have hoped so. Yes. So what do you wish in exchange for the ability to be turned back to your normal forms? Huh.

Well, we could offer that we would fight Angatatatat. Yes, we could take them down. We could find a solution to the Anka Thumb problem. Sounds like a win-win for you If we lose, we're out of your hair If we succeed, which we will Then Uncatep is out of your hair

And you cannot be tied back to me Yeah, exactly He eyes you wildly As he gets closer and closer Make a persuading check at advantage, please 20, 30 Do you 20 dirty

He He sits, he takes a stool and he drags it over and he sits down. So he looks. Very well. Very well. I wish revenge against Uncle Tep. He lured me here. And once he searched my castle and what he had been seeking had not been there, he reneged on our deal.

You refuse to help me get revenge and get my prize. I'm lost to human. Sounds pretty severe. He thinks he's the important one because he's a pharaoh in his prisoner. He believes he left me as library. He thinks I'm on his side. If you go into his golden pyramid, go into the city of the den, I can give you the appropriate map.

to infiltrate such a heavily fortified location. You make your strike, bring him down, make sure he doesn't rise again. I suppose I could cast a spell to return you to your forms. Oh, oh, oh, what if you returned us to our form so that we had the ability to go and do all the things you just said? Look at me, I'm a sneak. Yeah, and I'm a giraffe. I'm going to clip-clop. No thumbs.

The offer is that you help us now, and then we go and take care of business. It's going to be hard to do anything in this shrew. Hmm. I suppose you're right. But seriously, we... It wouldn't either way for you. If you're caught in question, we will not out me. Would it be deleterious to you even if we did?

I need to continue scouring this library. I do not know. Of course, you do not know. I am only able to seek knowledge in ruins. Ruin civilization, so this is a treasure trove. I've been without knowledge for so long. I must have time in this place. Okay.

You understand. So if we can capture, Nakutap tortures us and asks us where you are. We'll tell you you're anywhere out there than this library, and you'll be fine. Do not connect yourselves to me. Make up some reason. You must have reasons why you are here. Mistwalkers, perhaps.

Seems to me that we have a deal. I'd take on it, but... Make one last persuasion check. You've rolled very well, which has guided you through. Come on, buddy. Do I take the... role of the last advantage that was lower or higher?

Lower. Yeah? And it's advantage, remember? Because you're a friend. Oh, at advantage? Yeah, your friends are helping. I was going to pick a one-day to take care of business.

Let's go with a 20-a-2. Okay. 20-a-2. He looks at you, and he hobbles forward. Yeah. Very well, I suppose, I can

a fragment of my unfathomable arcane power. My hood flares a little bit. Do you wish me to do it now? Sooner the better. I have to start to look at Iris. Iris. So don't look like a dog. Don't get her a glance.

Do I know what you're trying to communicate to me? I don't know. Do you? No. Nicky doesn't. No. might for Nikki doesn't. Please do. Can you get me out rose? Yes. I'm tensioned. Maybe to see what's so fucking nervous. I don't know what to do. I don't know if you have that. Iris does. He doesn't have it

prepared. Um, so he will. So he will, um, so he will, um, um, he will, um, he will, um, reach into his cloak and you see him that there's a number of vials as he pulls them out and he says, I have tried to down many of these since my beautiful face was marred by my affliction but mine is not a curse I suppose at least one I can remove with this if you drink these and he reaches out a number of potions very small bottles. This perhaps can hear you. Who has hands? Oh, that's me. And I'll walk up to and hold my tiny pea rat hands out. He smells like a monkey. He hands you that and he says, you would have been the most delicious of all.

them and recoil and like hide behind tail again. As a fellow predator, I absolutely agree with that assessment. He waves his hand, you see a bit of parchment and a magical quill writes around and draws a map. And it snaps up and says, can you hold one more thing? And he kind of like tucks it in there along with all the potions. Thank you. I'm sure you know how to get out towards the city of the day. it.

Yes, we'll stop bothering you so you can get back to all. Please do. I'm bored already. I was a muse for a moment, but I'm glad we could have a mutually beneficial arrangement. We'll see you on the other side of a dead pharaoh then. I'll put the hanging jars. I'll look forward to it.

I'll tuck them into your jar. And if you find his fragment of car, do not give it to him. He cannot win. not after what he's done to me. We'll keep that in mind, whatever that means. We'll tell him, well, we won't tell him you, we'll tell him to go fuck him, Phil. It's real hard.

Please deal. And he turns back, and he begins to mutter to himself as he grabs more books. I'm just going to, like, leave my head towards the exit, like, you know, through the library, I guess. I'll watch Iris' behavior. very quickly, just to make sure that, like, however you're getting down, I'm, like, trying to hide you with my body as much as possible to keep that artifact out of sight.

And then also there, along with the rest of the gang, we start to... You make your way towards the exit. You have the map as you make your way towards the passageways. I'll just say that it takes you a good amount of time, but you're able to leave the library far behind. You see that there are dead ends, but the map that the mummies had had. allows you to avoid all of them as you make your way towards that exit. Oh, that was so close.

Oh, I acted like an actual donkey, the old dog. He did so good. He did he bought it. He did great, pillow. I peed a lot more than I have been peeing all day. Where does it all coming from? I don't know. Up for water all day.

I know. This is, this creature is biologically confusing. Do we want to drink these potions? Do we trust him? I don't think we have a choice. I suggest one of us drink it, and if they transform back, then we would drink the rest. Can, are we, are we still in, we're still in a labyrinth? Yes, yep.

Let's get out of here. At least, we're getting close. We're getting very close to the surface. Just give me, give me one of the potions. Just let me drink it right now. Are you sure? Right now. Okay, I'll pull one out.

This is a good idea, and I will pop the cork. You pop it. And I will, I'll smell it a little. It smells very, very, very alchemical. Smells like alchemical. Smells like, it smells like shit in hair. It sounds like shen hair. All right, are you ready?

Open up. You can say, if you want, want to, but I want to transform back. Come on. I'll just pour it down the ash. You swallow it, and it tastes very, it almost stings as it slides down, but you see the cobra

shift and shake and he shrinks and suddenly Caprice is back to his old form. It's you. Holy shit. It worked. All right. Does he have like a giant, man-shaped bulge in a stomach? I'm not a giant man-shaped bulge.

Do me. Do me. Hard head and I'll pop over the cork and I'll like climb up onto you and I'll like pour the stuff in your mouth. I'm grabbing one of the vials. Which one are you? Me. Please do me next. Then I'll just pop one over. You do the same and you're, yeah, you're able to do that. Me! Well, we don't have enough time. Let's all go. It's just smacking your head on the inside of me.

Yeah, we help you. you know, we'll give you something. Oh, my God. Oh, thank goodness. I forgot how wonderful it was to be tiny. I never thought I'd be so happy to be a T-Fling again. Why don't people do this more often? And I like, gesture to the rope with the jars tied to.

This is so convenient. I was going to put it all in my butt. Well, you don't have to get rid of you. You still can. You know? I think I will. This looks handsome, don't you think? It's a fashion statement for sure, to say the least.

To say the least. I am so happy to be Iris. Iris, would you like a little bit of diamond? Oh, yes, Toa. Oh, it's so convenient. It's right here. Let me get you some. Well, thank you, Toa.

You know, I know I just... Toa, would you like to store this diamond for me. It's really like to. Oh, wow. Thank you so much, Toa. So easy. You should market this a cross of entrance. I think I will.

You know, Felix, once this is all dumb, maybe... You can call them... Toa's... Toots. That's like, that's what we're doing it. Toot, we'll work on it. We got plenty of time. Do we feel like there's any side effects

to drinking these horrific potions? No. About at least not immediately. If we had stored anything in our butt, would we be able to recover it now, having been transformed back out of our, no. Thank you, thank you.

Because I have a mummy person in my body and it's magically gone. That diamond would have been fucking gone. You'd have checked up your butt for weeks looking for that diamond. Oh my God. All that waste is something. It's funny because that was like the one spell I'm probably never going to get back. But I have the compounding store it if I decide to.

Well, let's get the fuck out of here. I can't believe that worked. I agree. I agree. It's if he just let us go. He didn't even make us take him in front of him. And we've got a mat. He's clearly totally fucking crazy gangbusters in the head. And when all this is over, we can come back and deliver justice. justice. Well, I was thinking that if we did, I looked at you, did you catch that I was looking at you?

Yes, but I had no idea what you were trying to tell. Every time it was so baleful. I felt like I was significantly worse at everything I could do for a while. I was surprised that as a donkey I had an extremely baleful stare that could like magically manipulate the mood of others. But anyway,

I was thinking that if we turned back in front of him, he'd be like, I recognize you, but you could have empty magic. like you talked about, we've got to beat the shit out of him because it's done anything. Oh, I would kill him instantly. We've killed him immediately. I would have reduced him to nothing but ash. Actually, maybe we should go back. Well, no, because I'm pretty sure you can't put magic into it.

No, that, I mean, Toa would literally just break his arms off and then break his neck. Yeah, this is very strong. It doesn't require magic. Nothing magic about my spoon. They're so brilliant. Also, I've got done this, you know, like this beat is. Also, like a crows. Like a crows.

Yes. Toa's nice jugs. I like the illiteration better than referencing knife dugs. Toes' Toots is sort of the in first place, you might say. Now that you mentioned it, I'm not so sure we shouldn't go back and just break his entirely frail body. I'm pretty sure I could kill him with my bare hands. Well, what's that? No, at this point, we could walk up and he'd be like, oh, hey you, and...

But we just pop out anti-magic field him, and that's it. Then you just kill him. I think it's too risky at this point. I was thinking it as a defensive mechanism frame, being, oh, I'll recognize you. It really feels like that. And I have to cast it on myself. And it moves with me.

I have to be honest, we've all gotten a ass kicked a lot today, and I really want to get out of this cave. I'm just tired. I don't think he's a threat anymore. And I'm really worried about Strickon. He is definitely a threat. We will deal with him at another time. All right, all right, fine. Then we're headed to the Golden

Pyramid City. I'm just dead. I'm just glad I didn't die as a snake. What are the odds? You make your way through the rest of the labyrinth, using the map of wherever this exit is, and using the guidance that the Karyan King, shockingly, has very well sketched out, almost these schematics of the golden pyramid. And you eventually, a turn, you see that there's a bit of dust ahead of you, an actual sunlight coming through, as you're able to poke your head up into a dusty stairwell that seems to go into

a what looks like a crypt with the door completely open, with the sun of the desert shining in. And you look around and you don't see anyone immediately around you. However, you see the hustle and bustle of a city, but a slow-moving, shambling, city of false life through the doorway of this crypt. And I see it. Oh, Arras, the crown. Do you still have it? Yes, it's on my tail.

Oh, we should probably put it in the bag, don't you think? Will it fit in one of your totes? You're totally awesome toa toot? No, no, they're just, oh, maybe that's a problem. Toa's tubular toe. It only fits small things. Well, that's okay. There needs to be a solution for people who only have small things. It's true. But we have this bag of holding for everything else,

so I think you should... I have a bag of holding as well. Oh, then you should put it there and sort of carrying it on your feet. Aren't all bags holding? I'm going to dump the crown in my bag holding. And your bag of holding actually, as soon as the crown hits the lid, it explodes.

Ripping you all in Dunkin. Oh, good. We get blown into the Astral States. Well, thanks for being here tonight. And we all get turned into Willie the Wormstall Oh, Christ. You step out into the desert sun, and the scorching, blazing sun is welcome. After being underground for you have no idea how long.

Dates. And you stare out, and you realize that where you are is high up in the side of a mountain. Just a mere walkway with stairs winding down, and you realize that the door of this crypt is the eye of a skeletal statue. One of the eyes of a skeletal statue of these massive figures carved into the clef that you had seen from a bird's eye view or a sphinx's eye view

when you had soared over the city of the dead. And you look now as you see a city of mummies, of skeletons, strange undead abominations, as they shamble about, and you see that unfathomably large pyramid of gold, huge statues of Ancatep himself, and of the now destroyed Anub-Saton. And as you see amongst the undead, something seems off. And you realize now that there's a large patch of sand of a road leading. up to the pyramid, a large balcony overlooking, and you see a swarm of people.

But they're not undead, they're living. And they're not here. They're not Akirians. They're not humans. They're duskals. Shadarkai. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

More than a hundred of them. Oh, boy. Being welcomed by rows and rows of skeletal mummified guards. And they're all still. staring up to a balcony that's at the center of this golden pyramid. And you see now standing what they're looking at. You see this figure that you've been seeing through visions, the history, the incredibly ancient Ancatep, the mummy lord with his magnificent pharaoh's headdress,

his huge scepter. He stands surveying these guests whom he had welcomed to his dark domain. And you see him open from far away. His skeletal mouth wrapped in those bandages, and his voice booms out. I welcome you to the city of the dead. I have enjoyed giving the foundation to your entire civilization for decades. But I see now that when you have the dead do thee fighting, the dead do the work.

It makes the living weak, and your carrying king has failed. And my car is nowhere to be seen. You all will make up for the failures of your king. Now show you the hospitality of Ancatep, pharaoh and dark lord of benevolence. And I do have respect for the love. But for real Akiraean men and women who do the work in the fighting for themselves, not get fat and lazy on their feasts prepared.

The creatures of the night, the skeletons that I allowed you all to raise. So, I welcome you to the city of the dead and allow you to join. to join us. Welcome. And with that, there's a massive burst of dust and sand around all of the Shadar Khai. And in an instant, you hear the sound of a massive swarm of buzzing as thousands of undead scurbs with lapis lazuli shells erupt out of the sand beneath the Shadarcai. the screams very briefly of the throng of elves as the dust settles and they're snuffed out. And there's nothing more than a pile of skeletons.

Their flesh stripped away as the massive cloud of scarabs scatter to the winds. And you see as Ankhattep raises his hands and necromanic magic blast out of his the scepter and his hands and crashes into the pile of just moments ago that had been living elves. And you hear as every single one of them is slowly raised into a shambling skeleton as rose and rows and rows of undead bring them there a curian armor. their Akirian weapons as Anka-Tep increases the size of his army of the dead. And that is World One in the session.

Oh. Holy moly. Oh, man. Oh, man. What a fucking session. What a session, y'all. Holy crap. God, bang. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast.

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