Legends of Avantris - For What It's Worth | Ep. 3 | Heist Story: Part 3

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

The gang finds themselves in an extraplanar pickle...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/p1dYFmNieQA?si=kRON7lnzYrYla3rN

Welcome to Legends of Aventrists. Here's what happened last time. It's the big game. Right. Oh, that Fleen Float game you're talking about all the time? Yeah, the Grand Fleen Flell Championship. The main problem with three to five million gold pieces. Yeah.

Is that, you know how much one million gold pieces way? Come on and slam and welcome to the jam. Welcome to the final 40-second grand Fleen Flell Championship. A giant fleshy orb behind the backer. of this bar, what appears to have multiple stalks of eyes pulling out from the top of its head. You mean, someone else is trying to steal from the vault before we do. A heavy iron reinforced door that appears to be closed and locked. I'm going to walk up to the door and open it.

As soon as the door closed, you have jumped from wherever it was in the top of this building to some other plane of existence, staring out down the mountain, down the citadel all the way around. You seem to be in a completely new place surrounded by mountains of treasure, and it's not the clicking of the elevator that you hear anymore, but the loud thump, thump, thump of some massive creature walking. On the eastern shores of Yonah, there lies the great city of Galtica, staring out into a dark and turbulent ocean. But Galtica is not where the next chapter in this story resumes. Instead, you find yourself standing on a great tower or citadel or castle atop of what feels like an impossibly huge mountain that stretches down all around you. The blue sky spans in all directions.

For you, are just above a cloud line which tightly circles the base of this massive rock obscuring any hints of the terrain below. Something tells you that you are impossibly high in the air, but it is not unpleasant. Cool winds whip around you as the bright sun warms your skin. Not everything has gone according to plan, or hasn't it? You and your crew have been able to infiltrate the silver-lining casino, navigate through the labyrinthine halls behind the gaming rooms, trick guards without setting off any alarms or traps,

vanquish a sentinel beholder and cleverly break into the vault. Running into another crew of thieves, a gang of dark elves may have been a surprise, but it was a threat you were able to manage together. Until now, one could say this heist has been going fairly smoothly. Until now. The moment the vault door closed, surrounded by treasure worth millions and millions in gold, there was an extra planer shift transporting you and this loot

to the strange new place you now find yourselves in. The next few moments could spell victory or disaster for your effort. Here is what you know. The 42nd Grand Fleemfell Championship is over. Whatever the outcome, there are now guards heading back to the vault to collect the necessary gold needed to reward those who bet on the games in full,

and they'll be here in just a few. few minutes. On your side of the vault, the sound of heavy footfalls grows louder and louder and louder with each step. A booming voice tells you something massive is coming. Perhaps the owner of this vault and the casino in Galtica is on their way, and that this creature will be here in just a few minutes. The next step in your plan was to collect the loot. Thousands, tens of thousands, perhaps more than a hundred thousand pounds of gold people, pieces, gems, artifacts, some magical. Time may now be limited, but for all this to be worth it, this crucial step in your

net plan needs to happen in the next few minutes. And you need to get away with it. However the next few moments play out, you need to get back home from wherever you are now with your millions and not get caught. Powerful people care about what you're taking, the approaching giant notwithstanding. Without a way to take what you can and escape without fear of retribution, you'll end up in some prison somewhere, or maybe even dead. How you approach this moment, how you've planned for it,

and how you work together to achieve your ultimate aim, is up to you. Is this the elemental plane of air? Where are we? I mean, it's just inside the vault like here. Can they still get here open the door and then arrest us? You know, I don't know. Knuckles.

You know, I massed a lot of minds, but I was never expecting going to the elemental... I guess when we all played Wordle and we had the answer with cloud, we should have assumed that it was a cloud giant, especially when the second word was the giant. What do you keep staring at, boss? I keep staring, oh, I had the realization is the elemental plane of air. How do you know? Because I'm allergic to it. Oh, also, I forgot to take my blood pressure medication.

I'm sure that won't be any side effects. Death will be fine. Oh. So what are we going to do when we get out of here? And I don't think there will be much of us left to arrest if that thing gets here before they do. Do you have a plan or should I each more backup plan? Well, you know, I was going to say that my plan was... Well, let's say what the plan...

Your plan and my plan is the same thing. I mean, I accounted for this, of course. We'll see on the same time, okay? I'll just go ahead and do a countdown. And on three, you're both going to say what your plan is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, because we thought about this already. Yeah.

One, two, no, I'm going to do the countdown, but you just say what your plan is on three, okay? Well, not on three, but right after I say three, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One, two, three. The plan is. No, right after three. We're gonna start again. Okay.

One, two, three. The plan is. You're supposed to do it. Oh, oh, oh. Oh. There's no plans there. There's a plan. Is it over?

You hear the sound of this voice boom out and it doesn't echo, but nor does it seem to disappear into a vacuum. So loud and booming is the sound of this. voice. I look around immediately see if I can see where it was coming from. Do you approach the edge to look down? This is a pretty wide open citadel top. You're perfectly on top of a tower and looking over the tessellated edges of this tower beyond the sort of columns that make the formation of this vault room or what would have been the vault room before

this transformation. You can see that there are two other smaller towers just adjacent. As if you're on a castle of some kind. But you don't see any like heads emerging just yet or anything. You just hear the sound semi-distently and you're not sure how long it'll take a creature of this size, depending on the size of this castle to get here. Oh, fuck. We don't have much time. You're sweating something off. Do you need a handkerchief? Does anyone have any, does anyone else feel like them and creed sweating and increased nervousness? Who won? Here you go. And I pull my handkerchief out of my coat pocket and you'll see that it's tied to another hand. handkerchief and it's tied to us. So however many handkerchief, I'd like to use my

twist of foresight. Oh, they're up here. We didn't get them down. Because you have two of them, right? Yeah, well, now we only have one. Well, no, because we didn't get refreshed, so I only have one from last time. Right? We haven't refreshed, didn't we? No. No. Oh, no. Oh, that was it. So the only one we had was the one that was donated last session after this reason. I think there are twists and there. Oh, those are my twists of front. Oh. two. I think we have one or two. We have two.

We have two donated. Two communal. Two communal. And yours. Okay. We appreciate you, Chad. I will flash back to when I acquired these portable holes. And Derek, I'll let you set the scene.

Oh. So you're looking for portable holes. And you've heard of somebody who a lot of magical items. Somebody who is actually a tremendously smart and clever wizard, if not a little bit forgetful. And in the search for this person, you have finally been able to identify talking to many of your underground contacts. And it turns out your target, your aim over the week that you're preparing for this mission, the one you're on now, is looking for someone named Tootles, a loxodon, a very learned and wise wizard.

who keeps a tremendous spellbook tome at her side at all times. This is your quarry for not only are there a million spells that you'd be able to find it within this tome, but as a bookmark, she uses these portable holes, these unbelievably magical items. And so one late night you call all of your other rhino-folk friends, the other bouncers that you've met over the years, perhaps cousins, nephews, that sort of thing.

And in this moment, you are in an alley and waiting for this person to turn. And as she does, there she is. You see not just one Loxidon, this woman that you're after, but another female Loxidon at her size, at her side. You're not sure the name, as well as what is clearly a well-armored, almost a holy man of a Loxidon at the other hip. and then adjacent to him, sort of rocking back and forth a wild, strange Loxidon that you can hear his voice before you see him. Hey, does anyone else feel a little sweaty and overly nervous?

My doctor prescribed you blood pressure medication. Thanks for meeting me. You have what I'm looking for? Stop there. The Holy One stands forward and steps forward. forward and seems to try to stop to stop you, but in this instant you are surrounded by rhino folk after rhino folk after rhinofolk, a gang of them. What do you want?

I am looking for something magical. Something I need. It's a portable hole that I arranged one of you. I forget who it was. One of you has fucking a few portable holes. I mean, somebody told me that. I'll forget who. Well, I do, and Tootel speaks up and she holds up the tone.

You can see two of these slips of very fine, like silky texture, very thin pieces of fabric, leafing out from the top of this tome. We're not going to give it to you, though. Hand it over. Why would you do something so foolish? Just to give a bunch of very threatening, large burly rhino folk. Her magical items that are probably quite expensive. Toole, how would you think that all those run together if you had to have a net cost?

Please, they probably just only want to observe the portable hole. No, I think he wants to steal. They look very threatening. I think we're going to start snapping. No, no, Yancey. It is always important to trust your brothers and sisters. Wait, are Rado folk brothers and sisters to elephants? All of the world's creatures are brothers and sisters in the eyes of gigantes.

Well, I thought his name was gigantic, elephanthus, and lustrous. What do that mean that it's just really elephants that he cares about? I mean, it doesn't seem like that great and open-minded as a deity, but I never judge anyone's religion. I'm glad to hear it. and you guys are talking, and in this moment, you've already grabbed the tome. I grabbed the tome.

You grab the tome, and the rest of the story plays out very quickly. Your rhino folk friends are on top of them. It's not just you. You get what you need. This is a mugging. But what quickly becomes a single item that you need to steal, it becomes a complete theft.

And they are left with nothing, penniless in the alley, and you find yourself running and diving. into the shadows trying to escape. And that's where we'll pick back out. Well, I'm glad I brought my life savings on this walk. I'm glad I didn't listen to my cousin and stored all under my mattress.

Ensure your portable holes today. Anyway, I'd have made some alifference for these. But I think it'll work, and I'm going to throw both of them down. Hurry, start shoving looting. Oh, that's a great idea. See, that was my plan. Give mug some elephants for a portable hole. We said it at the same time.

You slap down these portable holes, one and then the next, and the rest of you see the magical item effect take place. A six foot round hole, 10 feet deep, suddenly appears in the stone floor. It's identical to the cartoon Acme product where all of a sudden there's a massive

Yeah, you know the one. Yeah. They do it and who framed Roger Rabbit? Why can't I do it? They do it and they frame Roger Rabbit. Why can't I do it? They're like, ah, hey, look, oh, man. This is an immature stream.

Yes, this is an immature stream. It is an immature stream. And it becomes immediately apparent. The four of you have but moments to get as much loot into these two holes as possible, shoveling and pushing any of the magical items. of the magical items and any of the items as you as you might. I'd like to look for perhaps any magical items that might pique the interest of someone with a

gambling habit. Make a perception check advantage. Oh. Just start flipping all the gold coins and saying if any... Oh, there we go. More than often. It's a gambling habit, not an addiction. It's a gambling pastime.

The past time. It's a gambling hobby. Yeah, it's my, everybody needs a hobby. And I mean, you know, some hobbies put you terribly in debt. Hey, it's healthier than cosplay. 22. Oh, my God. That was so good.

With a 22, you glance around and hanging on magical nothing are a lot of different swords, a lot of different sets of armor, helms. There's a whole stack, a shelf after shelf after shelf of tome after tomb after tom, magical scrolls, maps cases, these sorts of items. But in the exact opposite the side of you, as the three of you are starting to deal with the rest of the treasure and hauling bucket of and bucket of gold coin into these portable holes, you see a small pedestal. And on top, what looks like a velvet, not velvet, vellum playing cards. stack right at the top there.

Oh, no. Oh boy, are you really doing this? Does anybody notice? Would anyone care if I just took this, perhaps, for my gambling habits? I'll just panicly throw something to the whole. Yeah, allow me. Take as much as your fucking can.

You know, hanging on magical nothing is my favorite strip club on 248 Street. Are you there? I want to know the outcome of the game. And you hear this sound, and it's much, much closer now. You feel like you have, 30, 45 seconds remaining. Did we ever find out the outcome of the game?

No, we just knew that it ended. We assumed that the trunk swaned because it didn't get wished out. And then we killed that. Were there corpses have been wished out? Oh, are there corpses with us? Oh, yeah. That is another important detail that you have yet to deal with. Perhaps the first thing you throw in the holes are four dead drow that are sitting on the

space. No, don't take them too much space. Yeah, we've got a space limit here. I don't know if that's a priority. Oh, hey, look, there's an endless abyss. Perfect place of sore dead bodies. Oh, we know we got to frame these guys. Oh, we could just kick him over the side.

No, we need to say, oh, they need to say, oh, it was a damn drown, and they died. Oh, and they stunned? No, so what we need to do, this is what we do, is, oh, there's some big fella coming. Let's sneakily just chuck all their corpses in front of his foot. So we stomped on him. Oh, what did I step in? Now it's gross and drought. Oh, again.

Oh, growth in the mouth. You can tell that you have very, very little limited time. I'm gonna grab the vellum playing cards and continue to just shovel as much as I can. You put them on your purse and perhaps in an inner jacket pocket, let's say. I would be focusing on coins and like gold, Latin, whatever. and just trying to fill the portable holes up as full as possible.

And then once all the coins are in or as much as I can get in, add armor and weapons, whatever else. Those helping fill the portable holes need to make an acrobatics or athletics check to see how quickly you do. And everyone needs to make an intelligence check, with the exception of, I almost called you Yancey, with the exception of Gino, who has sort of casually walked over and picked up a deck of cards.

I got a 19. 21. For your acrobatics. Acrobatics and your intelligence. Oh, do we need to do that? Yes. Oh, acrobatics is a 19. Oh, I don't need to roll my.

You don't need to roll. 22 for acrobatics. Okay. And you said athletics. That's the other one, right? An acrobatics or athletics check, and an intelligence check. And then for intelligence, I got an intelligence.

Eight for intelligence. 13 for athletics. Okay. And 14, four intelligence. Four for intelligence. Four for intelligence. Okay. I'll say, Gene,

Knuckles. With your enhanced intelligence after the... Oh, you're right. It's 16. Is it a 14? 15 was actually what I was looking for. Okay, well done. With your enhanced intelligence,

you are seeing them now, having filled the action. actual portable holes, 80% capacity, both of these 10-foot-deep chasms. There's no more coins. It's to the place where now you're like putting in helms, putting in magical items, and you see Glitsey fly over to one of the hooks and pull a bag off of the,

and start to fly in order to throw that loot into the portable hole as well. What do you do? No, don't do it! Don't do what? Don't put that bag in that hole. Why not? Do you want to die?

Do you want to float through the astral sea for the rest of your very short life? I do want to do the second one, but I don't want to die. Well, you're going to die and do it at the same time. Give it that. Give it that. I'm not giving you this bag. Why?

Well, and just don't put it in the hole. Put it just where it is like a backpack or something. Can I put stuff in it if I want? I don't care. How big of it? I don't know. It's a glitzy size big. And I'm just going to start playing stuff in the bag.

You look inside. It's actually almost full to the brim. with magical gems. You can see rubies, emeralds, diamonds. I'm going to jump the stuff out of the bag and one of the portable. And then you make enough room. What you clearly have is a bag of holding. It had nearly been at capacity as well,

but dumping it out as you did. You look like you have a question or a suggestion. Oh, I just don't understand what just happened. Oh. So if you put a bag of holding in a portable, it does a huge, like, big bang. I say. And it explodes, destroying everyone.

It would rip us all into the astral sea. There's been dexterity. saving throw to see if you get it's like being blasted in outer space like when a when a a portal opens and all of a sudden it's like like that um it's the dividing by zero notice i didn't say sucked out it's blasted out i watch a lot of science fiction yeah you really sucked out though uh it's at this point that um you have to deal with the bodies or choose what to do next because you can see the head of what is clearly a massive giant just start to come up on the circular staircase

that is around the perimeter. What do you think? What do you think? Elf on a shoe? Should we answer him? He's asking the one of that. No, but that's not, we're not, we're not, like, Belvedia.

Who did he say? No, what was the name he said? Hostilin. Alstallin. Belvedia, they're the fella. We're not him. Wait, now you're a master of disguise. Dress up his hostilin.

Oh, that's right. I'm the master of disguise. Allow me to go to my disguise kit. I'm gonna attempt to very quickly disguise myself as a drow. I've never used a disguise kit, so can you tell me the rules? I don't know the rules. I really think it's just a kid with like some makeup and a wig at it.

I think it's a dexterity check, and if you're proficient with it, you add your proficiency bonus. Okay, do that. Can I also have a disguise kit? Can I come over and try to fudge with his hair? Oh, if you can give me an advantage, that'd be great. I mean, I think a disguise kit would be almost, at least even a small one.

So we have makeup and you have some of the usual accoutrema, just because you had to transform from a customer into a maintenance person, for example. This is what it says. This pouch of cosmetics, hair dye, and small props lets you create disguises that change your physical appearance. Proficiency with this kit lets you add your proficiency bonus to any ability checks you make to create a visual disguise. I see.

So a ability check to create the disguise and then necessarily probably some deception checks later on? Yeah. Okay. But all it does is change your physical appearance. Like, you're a bear. But I'm, I got dark fur. I got dog fur. A little bit of purple.

It's some pointy if. Oh, man. You are literally a bear putting on prostate here. I got, I'm like, Cloud join, I should know what a drought looks like. You know? No, I'm like, those girls would go to anime convention. I got my little ears.

Got my little backpack. Got all the little charms on it. You're very quickly turning into a stereotypical, like, circus bear, aren't you? Yeah, exactly right. Okay, well, my role, if it's dexterity, what is our, what is, oh, it's been a, Oh, it'd be plus five, eight, ooh, that would be 20.

20, okay. It's at this point that the cloud giant emerges and turns with this excited face as he, as you see over the tessellated side of the tower, he starts to crash up, walking up these huge stone slabs. Get the body, get the body. I'm holding the box.

Yeah, come on, come on. Stand in front of the house. Everybody grab one. We each murdered one and we're gonna chuck them. Over the edge. No, we're chucking him underneath his foot. So he'd think these steps on them. We're all, holding on us.

I got a plan. I got a plan. We're all kind of crouched to that. You can throw the drown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a great plan. I have the one who was dating my daughter. Oh, yeah.

He turns and he sees what you're doing. And just to give you guys a picture before he reacts, this Cloud Giant is 29 feet tall. He's massively strong, clearly. Covered in brilliant clothing, jewelry, bands, light blue skin, and he carries, or at least around his back, you can see a massive platinum mace with a bulbed head at the top. He has a billowing white cape that flows like cloud.

behind him. And you can see his face transformed from excitement about the news of the game and what's to come next and what he was expecting. Almost certainly the people would come here to collect the winnings for those who were doing the gambling to shock and horror. What in the hell is this? Who are you? You're not, Ossiman. Oh no, you scared. My men to death. Oh no. Our spider god and our cold will be very upset. Oh no. What? Oh no. It's with a drow heister cult. We love spider with the spider heistons. Make a deception check at disadvantage. Oh no. Jow heister cold that's going to worry. Oh no. Hold on. Do we even need twists in this campaign?

Yeah, yeah, that's a little. If that was unintentional, it'd be even more. Brilliant. Did that you think? Oh, wait, hold on. Oh, boy. It's frozen now. Let me just refresh this page.

Did anyone pick up the hole? Hold on. We didn't believe we didn't finish. Hold on. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm a deception oh it could be worse it is a 15 but if it's if I'm using my disguise kit yeah oh okay okay uh spider queen oh gosh fair with you what happened to you are the dark why I don't even care look at my treasure in these holes we heisted foiled again

you're not supposed to be here what are you doing here oh we we're just like looking as there any puzzles while everything shut down from a pandemic. This vault door is pretty popular. Everyone's talking about it. This is my secure vault. I am Arcus. Cloud Giants. Did you say your name was Orchus?

Arcus. Oh, that's really close to another very popular guy. Well, it's also a cloud pun, and I liked it at the time. You gave yourself your own name? No. I gave myself my own name. I'm glitney the banged sparks. Quiet.

Okay. Oh, no. Explain yourselves. They're drow that are trying to steal my treasure. No, no, we stop these drow. Why would you stop me? I'm the leader of the drow cult. And we just, we were barely about to kill him.

Yes. And he didn't say barely because he's a bear. No, I hate bear. He said barely because. I'm allergic to bath. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to. Shut up.

You were here trying to stop these drought? Yes. They killed all my friends and also you scared of me death too. I wave my meat hook around. I'm a member of private security. Yeah, and I'm a demolitionist. You're dressed like a casino dealer. I'm just like a maintenance person.

And I still look like the person who's scared. So you look like you're coming from the casino. The casino owners told us. We were hard. To the vaults. It was an old. hands on deck situation because of the call. There was a

call that was contested and it threw the entire arena into chaos. Where is Austerlian? You three would know he should be here any moment. I believe that the game is completed, yes? Well, you see the moment we got to the vault, the drowes closed the door and then we were teleported here. So I'm guessing

Osterlin stuck outside. This was all happening as the game was ending. You know that's the most important part for Osterlin. He looks over and leans over with his massive frame and glances at the top of the columns. And this seems to register true. He seems to acknowledge, oh, yeah, no, the vault won't be opening on the other side until I deactivate these ruin wards that will allow the Osslin to come back because they only would have triggered once, and you triggered them.

You get all of this registration in just a moment in an expression via your insight, which I won't even make your role because I'm just going to give it to you. Thanks. No problem. So. We just got to kill this remaining drought. Oh, yeah. And then we can let off the end.

We will not be killing this remaining drow. You have a much more horrible fate in store for you. Oh, yeah, Mel. That sounds like. Guards! Oh no. And you hear the sound of... What are we to stay?

Hold on. Point of order. How do the holes work? Time out. What are we going to? No, no, hold on. How do the holes work, though? Do they lead somewhere that's like predetermined?

No. They can just pick them up. Does he turn to like look at his guards as becoming? He turns and shout into the air. around him. Oh, good. And you start to hear more wind blowing than there was before. And that's just starting to ramp,

but I am going to be very generous in this moment and let you guys talk it out. If I feel like he's turning his back to call his guards, I'm gonna try to quickly like grab the holes and just quickly bundle them up and throw him in my pocket. Okay, make a slight of hand check as he turns. Oh no, my cult of spider. Spider hyphen, what a tragedy, what a terrible tragedy.

We're all really behind. Oh no, my cult, a terrible fate for the drought. 15. 15. You pull the first of the portable holes up and you bend down to get to the other one, but you're not fast enough. Out of the corner of his eye, you see he turns and he says, hold there, what are you doing?

Why are you picking up the treasure? Leave it out. I'll pick it up the treasure. This hole just disappeared all of a sudden. And so I was going to check to see what the for happened. Oh, it's my drought magic. You'll never find the treasure now. It was dead.

And then all of a sudden was gone. I'll never find the treasure. I have used my spider powers. Make a deception check. And the sound of whirring wind gets louder and louder. When all of a sudden they start to create almost like humanoid shapes. Below the torso, there's a miniature tornado, and at the arms, they are also these swirling cyclones,

but you can actually see the shape of the blowing wind as one, two of these air elementals land down on the surface of this clock tower, this castle tower, and you see them rushing towards you in order to grapple you. What was your deception check? 11. 11.

Can I give you a very inspiration? Typically, you do it before the roll, but I'll allow it. It's technically says it. Am I rolling a two or no? I can add it if I see the roll if you even supplied me. Yeah, you would have had to inspire. It's like a condition you're inspired now. 14.

14. And oh, that's going to be an insight. Am I helping him because I'm a myth of mine? No. At this point, I don't think that you can in the reality of this moment. Oh, it's my drow magic. You'll never find the treasure. You, in your haste and clear, like, franticness,

he seems to be at least not disbelieving that one of the whole seemingly disappeared, and he seems even more suspicious of this drow that you guys have accosted. Grab him, seize him. Stop him! No, no, no, don't touch him. Oh, no. Don't touch him. If you touch me, all the treasures are gone. There's curses on him? He's mine.

We don't know what foul magic he might have against him. There's a curse on him, and if you touch him, then you don't want to know what's going to happen. Look, this was supposed to be a clean gig. But Boss O'Hulahan, you know Boss of Hulah. Oh, yeah. He hired us as his private security because he's made the biggest bet on his life on this game.

And so we were casing to join. your stupid fucking costumes. You gotta pay me a lot to dress like this, let me tell you. Oh, yeah, that's. Make a group perception check and you can make one at an advantage. You know.

Perception or deception? Deception. No. Oh no, I love spiders. 19. Damn. And so boss of Hulahan would have been one of the mob bosses

that I served like a decade ago. I'm hoping him as an owner of casino. 19, nice. Might know. Yeah, because I cannot roll less than 10 on deception chips. That's pretty good. Oh, right.

Because of my, some thing. Fardness. So I roll the six, but it doesn't matter. Fuck you days. Fuck you days. Get out of you. The era elemental start to wind forward towards Gino.

And just before they get within five feet of you and start to attempt to encapsulate you, They hear that you guys are selling their master on this idea, that he's convinced and they follow his orders. And then they hear the possibility of curses. And they come to a stop just as Arcus puts his hand up and goes, pause, wait. Bothe Hoolahan, you say.

Borso Hulahan. You know him. Oh, no, not Balthauulahan. You know he is context in the underdog. You ever heard him speak under, Carmen? Oh, he's fluent. How do you speak our language? This will require a smarter man than me to solve. Everyone stay where they are.

Skid, skittah, skidder. I'm going to reactivate the vault. Ossalon should be here as soon as the game is over, and then we can discuss this out. And he walks over to the first top of the tower and hits it and runic magic. Oh, no, you're just. I'm gonna get the course, and I opened the bottle

and let out the beholder. He's your friend. Yeah, for an hour. Good Lord. He just killed this guy. I think he's just gonna kill this guy. Oh, no. Holy shit.

How did I forget to you on a beholder? I'm a pig or die! Spider, spider, spider. Oh, I'm a drow. I love being turned into furniture by fecky ladies. I broke it. I just am thinking about all of the nightmares that are happening simultaneously.

With that understanding, I'm not going to make you roll for initiative, but we're going to have to walk through what happened. What music to use for this? I think I'll go to combat, because this is not a good, this has not gotten very goofy, and we need something that's like,

have it some funky chunk. He hits the first column, and he, because the what? And he turns, and the iron flask opens up with a, and what emerges is a nightmare monstrosity, a huge orb. It doesn't look like it would fit inside the portable hole. It's so huge and fleshy, single wiry hairs

coming out in different direction, but even more terrifying. These massive eye stalks, 13 of them all, and all I think. Huge, crazy impossible eye, massive, slobbering mouth with these sharp fangs and teeth in both directions, his tongue lolling from side to side. It's brown and red patches all over in every direction. And immediately it looks at you.

And I'm going to say, pretend to be boss O'Hulahan and tell him if he doesn't cooperate, you're going to kill him. Bawah, O'Hulah, Behole. It's out. He wasn't. Throwing it. Oh, beholder today, be gone tomorrow. Oh, it doesn't work like that.

It nods and it gives you a wink. That's disgusting. And it turns with pausing. As it turns, the anti-magic cone that is the huge spread of coming out of his face, Does two things that you notice. The magical hole disappears, the one that you haven't picked up, just vanishes.

And the air elementals turn back into wind and evaporate. They basically becoming invisible, just blown away by the natural winds in this moment. Oh my god, they win. In your disguise is non-magical, and it turns to, Arcus.

And in this moment, you can see a few things get a little duller. Whatever he happened to be wearing that might have been magical. He is now also affected by this huge cone that would affect anyone in the eyesight of a beholder. And attempting to abide by his new friend, the beholder, only knowing deep speech and undercommon, turns and goes,

And in his mind, Basooolahann, very helpful. What the fuck is this? The cloud giant pulls out his mace and immediately swings into attack. He hits it like a baseball, but it doesn't fly off into a direction. He just smashes into the side of it, leaving this disgusting mace-shaped hole

that like pops back into place, and the beholder loses it. All of a sudden, rays start going off as the chaos of these two titans begins to unfold. It's like a fucking Kaiju battle. What are you guys doing? Oh, I nervously start, I nervous to fiddle with the deck that I have.

Oh, I got it ever since I quit smoking, I had to do something with my hands. What are you guys doing? I fill it with the deck. I'm just watching. What you see is a kaiju battle is a really terrific way of saying it. He's being forced back down the stairs. He's smacking into it as often as he can.

Just wham, wham, wham. And it's clearly hurting the beholder. There's chunks coming out. There's skin spilling away. There's blood. This disgusting, almost like silver metallic black Iqore that's pouring out of these wounds. But it is hitting it with Bray after Ray. When I stock turns and disintegrates a chunk of not just the armor,

but of the muscle behind. You see him starting to lose this fight very quickly. The beholder's losing? No, the cloud giant. Oh, great. Okay, cool. I have thrown myself on the ground and try to feel for if the handkerchief is there still, or the hole's just gone. You start to do that, and as the beholder moves forward

and continues to float and get hit back and forth, It's finally when the angle of the anti-magic cone no longer covers that part of the floor, it pops back into existence and you fall three feet into Scrooge McDuck style, into a giant pile of gold and platinum and other precious. This doesn't break your spine. I'm gonna follow them, and then when it looks like

the cloud giant's about to actually lose, I'm gonna open up the iron flask and try and suck them holder back in. Okay. Okay. So he would just need to make a wisdom saving. This fight will have them engaged for four or five rounds. So half a minute while you turn to your friends and you've bought some time for you guys all to continue to try to solve this problem,

to get out of this with your lives intact at this point. And he, like, triggered the vault. He pushed the button that allowed the vault to be open from the other time. I'm going to be a problem at any time. I'm going to turn to Gino. Yeah. And I am going to cast Agnesar's scorcher on Gino. I'm really sorry about this boss, but trust me.

My blood pressure. It's a Dex 15. This is the big one. I think I actually bet. You're pretty dex chances. Dex 15, you say? Okay, let's see. 18.

Yes, you pass. So you're going to take five points of scorching. Ah, fuck. But my plan is, and I will relay this to you, oh, fuck, I'll do it and- Okay, boss, I'm really sorry I had to do that, but what I'm gonna try and do is I'm gonna try and get the beholder back in his bottle

right before he kills that thing. You gotta play dead, okay? We're gonna make it look like you were hit with a rogue laser beam. You burned the hole in my skinny jeans. Yeah, there were holes in them before, boss. And if we get out of here, we'll buy you new ones. Yeah.

And so we could put you in the hole and just be like, oh, yeah, you died trying to steal the money and he fell dead body into the hole, you know? Yeah, I'm going to make off and get away with it, too. There are air in the holes when we took them back up. Make a... Glitzy wouldn't know. Make a... I'm not very smart. I'm not very smart.

Or an intelligence check your choice. Sometimes it doesn't matter. 19. 19. You have pictures? on that can? I have bees. Oh.

So it's more of a icebound style drink, but with a 19 you do some quick math in your bunny head and you go, you know, I think that someone could survive in there for about ten minutes before they started losing air. You're very nervous and sweating and breathing heavily.

Anyone else have a dry mouth? I even have to take more pills. Oh, you try to suck him back in. Just let him kill a giant. What if we need the giant to get out of here? He already pressed the button, and they're going to open it from the other side, and we kill that guy.

And we'll just keep... We'll use this bowler and kill our way out of here. That's a great idea, because when they show up, they'll see that the beholder's trying to kill the giant, and then they'll be like, well, clearly that was the problem. We were just innocent by... Fighters. We think we need him for something else.

But you don't want to open the bottle on him, so he's gonna be like, oh yeah, they tried to kill me with his beholder. You told me to open the bottle. I didn't tell you to do that. Yes, you did. You looked at me and you winked. Unless we all know.

You looked at me and you winked, so I was like, clearly he clearly wants me to open the beholder. I think we need to finish the giant off. I'm pretty sure. Send him to Olga. You can still hear the screaming and the beating of these two Titans against each other. He's getting weaker.

He's making fewer hits and head. To me, to me, guards, guards. And aerial elementals are coming in and just evaporating in front of its sight before he gets hit by a ray of disintegration, fear rays, petrification. He is getting dismalished by this, and you can see pieces of him flying away. He's almost stumbling over the edge of his own castle stairs

before realigning himself and trying before he is starting to, to really lose. I'd say he probably has another one or two rounds in him. Dude, does the deck of cards that I have have any kind of magical, do I feel like it's magical at all? Make an Arcona check at advantage, I would say. Because even holding them, there's something of a thrum. Well, you know, I'm, I am still going to fly up

to the beholder at this point and I'm going to try and, I'm actually, because he's my friend for an hour. Stop hurting him, boss, stop hurting him. Look at him. He's weak and sad. Make a persuasion check. Natural 20. Okay.

And you're a swall. 25. 25. You can see all of the eyes turn on the back of his head and look right at you. And then he backs up. He keeps his main eye on the cloud giant who falls to one of his knees. And please, no more. No more.

And it has clearly at least paused for a moment. It didn't want to. Stop. I know you didn't want to stop, but you got to. He might be the only way you can get out of here. It is frozen. It's just keeping its eye on the creature. And then I'm going to look at the cloud giant. If I were you, I wouldn't try and hurt him again

because I don't think he wants to listen to me. I'm using all of my ability to try and get him to stop fighting you. I'm helping you out, buddy. You're all liars. and tricks and thieves. Go ahead and kill him. Just cause him a holder to kill him. The center eye stalk hadn't fired once, but with its death ray, it fires forward,

and it takes 10-D-10 necrotic damage, and because it reduces him to zero hit points, there is no safe. He dies, and the cloud giant, his light blue skin, uh, starts to turn gray. And he falls back and stumbles down a few of the stairs before just overbalancing at the edge and tumbling off into the cloud line. Disappearing, which turns itself gray. The sky darkens and a storm starts to occur all around you as the bright life that was in this plane, this space, it disappears. I tried to tell him and he wasn't going to listen. I didn't know what else to do.

We're on top of the castle. Imagine how much great shit's in here. Let's look the whole place. It looks like this entire area is cracking and turning into dust, so we need to get out like now. Is that true? It looks like the... Make a perception check.

True? Yeah. Anyone who wants to look... Fair. You're looking at the... Oh, you made an archaunuchat. Yeah, I made it was a 17. 17.

You've never held something that feels this magical. With a 17, this feels like the real prize. You almost forget about your gambling habit, habit, habit. You forget about this. Your hobby. You forget about all things. You are shuffling the deck and the card feels so good. even in your singed,

even in your singed and bear-like hands, it is begging, begging for attention, but you, with a 17, you also are aware of the danger that you've put your friends in and are aware that you're in the middle of a heist. This is the loot. You can do this anytime. So the conflict rages within you as you are,

this is a very magical item. I have a feeling like this is the key to everything. everybody. What are you all doing? I am going to look at... Well, I'm looking at Eddie Eyeball. And I'm going to open the flask and try and sucking him back in. Okay.

And because he's not looking at you in this moment, and the flask is able to do its magic, and he gets pulled in. I don't know if he has to make a save a second time. He does, yeah. But can he voluntarily choose to fail because he's friend? Sure. Yeah, he could. I think it's one of those like, I'm going to say, let's get the beholder out of here.

Come on, boy. Here, Eddie. Come on, Eddie. Let's get into the flask. He turns around and closes this eye and uses his other stocks to get sort of guide himself in. Good boy, Eddie. And I put him on my side. For a moment, all is quiet. Looking at the sky, it appears to have darkened. not because of some forthcoming threat,

but almost of sadness for the loss of its prints, the sky itself turns dark, and not as bright of blue. The winds are a little colder. It seems that the environment is reflecting this change of leadership in this space. A solemn moment. I feel pretty good.

That was a very nice thinking, everybody. That was all knuckles. He's the one that told me to unleash Eddie, so I did. All right, here's the plan. Yeah. I'm going to wait right by where the vault door was. Okay. Absalom is going to fuck his name.

Absalom is going to come. He's going to come and he's going to open it. I'm going to jump out and kill him. And so Knuckles is going to jump out and he's going to kill him. You all go downstairs. We're going to go downstairs. We're going to go downstairs. We're going to stope out of the whole castle.

Let out out if you need to. And you need to death ray and whatever. Tell him a death ray when that happens. Okay. Why get you repeating everything that's going to say, no, this is my plan. This is my plan. Can we vote for a new leader?

This is my new plan. I'd second that motion. I would like, you know, I feel like this is a good time. I would like to vote for Knuckles as I'm asked to my. I would like to put my name in the room. My head in the room. Staying. So who's for Knuckles?

I mean, do all get a vote? Yeah. Is this a mutiny? No, because we're not going to kill you, no. It's a democracy. No, I mean, this is a democratic republic. This is how it is. This is how it goes.

Okay. Well, I still. think that's two versus nobody else voted. So, get out and vote, kids. I'll vote for Gino. Oh, yeah, no, at the tie break. He's a tie. I'll vote for Gina.

Okay, well, if I let Eddie out, he's gonna vote for Knuckles, so that's three. You don't double cross the boss. Let me just tell you, bad things happen. Yeah. He wouldn't even remember that we double crossed him. Have you seen how many of the pills he's taken for his blood pressure?

Give him another 30 minutes and his head's gonna explode. Anyone else feeling over... He's eating them like the fucking tic-tacks. Anyone else feeling sweaty and nervous? And wasps. When he says wasp, you almost can hear this thing. I think I have wasps and gas, so wass gas. All right, is that a plan?

Yeah, you're the new boss, boss. All right, go downstairs, check out the castle. All right, here and kill Absalom. And I'll keep the door. open and we'll get all the loot out all everything in you know this hoard everything in the castle everything okay I'll fly down and check it out I'll fly down you start to fly down what are you doing I'm gonna climb down but I'm gonna have to step over the chaos of the battle if there's even steps left oh there are there are steps left though there are chunks of stone that I've been

blasted away certainly but these are cloud these are cloud uh giant steps so each one is like a good four feet. Amazing. Four feet. So you have to like hop and then land, take a moment. Luckily, I'm quite good at that. Oh, okay, terrific. You bunny hop down each step with relative grace knees.

What are you doing? I'm gonna just my climb. I'm just gonna shimmy on down. Oh, okay, so you shimmy on down and you stand in the center of the vault in order to- Oh, before I leave, I wanna cast Brerick inspiration to meet. I believe you can do it.

You're gonna, you're gonna do- Because you're gonna kill, because you're gonna kill Oskillin. Right. Okay. We're all comfortable with this. We're all comfortable with Leo. I don't think we're comfortable with anything that we've done, but we've done it. The three of you start to make your way down, and you don't have to wait very long at all.

It seems that they were, I mean, only five, ten minutes of past since this moment. And probably they were trying the door over and over and over until finally it was enabled. And it's in this moment that the, you see a door out of nowhere suddenly emerge, and start to pull away, and you are plunged into darkness because you are in a vault room now. It is the flip reverse. You are no longer in the elemental plane of air at all. You are back in the vault that was

on the prime material plane in Galtica all by yourself, and you are facing as the door continues to open up. You see some sort of artificer armor standing there, and a second artifice armor, and a third artificer's armor, and another animated armor. These are looking massively power. This is the highest top shelf security force

of the man, the director who owns this casino and works with Arcus in order to put the Silver Linings Casino on the map in the first place. Standing before you in front of eight of these animated armor pieces is a, what is clearly Austellin, a human artificer who is looking very suspicious and now very angry at his empty vault.

So the second that it would have opened up a crack and I would have seen it wasn't just Ocelain, it was a bunch of security, I would try to shut it. It's opening out. Yeah, if I could try to pull it closed, because we closed it when we got in. I closed it.

The door is this massive, huge circular bank vault. door, bank style vault door starts to swing open. And you're expecting but one person on the other side and the center. But that's when you realize that he is a cadre of these impossibly strong-looking armored suits, for lack of a better word, that glow and thrum with arcane energy. And as soon as you see the first or second one, you look to see what you could possibly grab onto in order to pull this. This is a push-out style door.

There isn't a handle on the back, but maybe, just maybe, if you can grab the side, you might be able to pull, but you're pulling against the leveraged force of what is almost certainly one of these armored creatures on the other side who's turning the wheel in order to get this thing to open. It's going to be very difficult in order to get there and also pull it close. You'll need to make a dexterity check in a contest, and then you will have to succeed a strength check at disadvantage. 22.

Wow. You race forward and you were able to grab onto the interior of the door and you think that maybe just maybe you could save your fingers and get this thing to pop you back into the elemental plane of air. Oof. Ferdic inspiration, remember. And there's probably a twist, yeah. That's a seven or one. That was a nine, right? It was a five.

It was a five. It was still better. So five, so five, so seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Okay. Where did you get this pug mug? Oh, Mike got it for me. Oh, that was nice, Mike. That's a great mug.

That is a great mug. Does it have the writing on the other side too? No, it's just pug. The staff lock I'm using for the other side of things is a helmed horror. The helmed horror rolled a natural 16 plus four is 20. You put your fingers on the interior and it's slick. It's very smooth metal. You try to pull, and you can't quite get the leverage that you need,

and it starts to slip out of your grass, and this door is opening. And to your horror, there are, what I described before, eight full artificer made suits of armor, ready for battle, carrying terrible-looking swords, shields on either side, and this artificeer who's looking at you with great menace, fury, a twinge of fear for the treasure that is now missing from his side.

vault. Let's switch back to the elemental plane of air. Okay. Connie misses me. He's crying. I know. I'm so sorry. What is Glitzy doing with Gino and Orla as you guys are making your way down into the center of his castle? Just checking to see if there's more lutes. Yeah, same if there's like any... My plan is going really well. Is there any intact castle? There's a, let me paint a picture for you. This center column or tower that you're coming down the exterior of passes a large framed doorway

that looks into what is clearly the bed chambers of Arcus that was. Continuing on your way down, it would lead into a central chamber, some sort of a living area where you can assume that this is maybe where there's a kitchen or a dining room, maybe a reading room, these kinds of things. that space, you can see that there are two large additional towers. And knowing that you have very little time, I'm going to assume that you are moving quickly as you continue to explore, waiting to hear news from Knuckles. And in this time, you make your way through that space, and it's just as I described, they're

living items. They're mounted hunting animals on the walls. Going through, you take the left tower, you can take the shorter tower or the taller tower, I will say. I like shorter. Short and squat. Short and squat. Okay.

I'll follow. The three of you make your way into the shorter of the two towers, and this appears to be some great aviary. As you walk in, the musk and smell of animals hits you. This is what clearly was Arcus' sort of pet room and along the entire interior of the of the walls there are a number of sleeping

animals each one of them seems to be a large griffin huge griffins who are all sort of slumbering and waiting some of them sort of look up and look at you curiously are they are they're in their um their playpenes for lack of a better word uh i think we have a terrible flesh cheating animals, right? Wait, how do you spell Griffin? If the G-R-I-F-F-O-N or G-R-Y-P-H-O-N or G-R-I-F-F-I-N? Anybody know? So it doesn't look like there's any,

anything to steal. Yeah, I think that was the Walt. Hey, K-H-H-H-N-N-N-E-N-N-E-N-N-D-Y-N-D-Y-N-D-Y-O-W-R-W-R. What I hear? Probably not, right? I don't believe that extra-planer communication as possible with shell phones from Galta. Maybe they are with other spaces, but in this,

in this moment, no. Across any distance and even other planes have existed. Does it say that? Yeah. But if the target is on a different plane, then you, there's a 5% chance that the message doesn't arrive. Roll a D20. All right.

Holy shit. You got a natural 20? You got a natural 20? No, he did. Yeah. You got a natural 20? Well, you hear it extra loud. As soon as the door starts to slip,

you guys are quite a ways away from the vault door and the button at this point, but you hear Knuckles respond as soon as you hear this message. I'm still holding on, right? You, it's, yeah, you're holding on, but you're being pulled along with it as it's starting to creep open.

This is real bad, it's not just one guy, it's one guy in like eight million shoot your fucking armor. Honey home. Oh, we'll get back right away. I don't know if you go. I'm, I got poured it back to reality. Can you put back here? I don't think so.

Oh. I'm we stranded. This isn't good. How can we get out of? I'm going to be in this allergic place forever. Hold on. I have an idea. How long can you survive, Knuckles?

I don't know, maybe a minute or two. Oh. I think I need more than a minute. We're going to come save you, Knuckles. Don't worry. We're going to pull a card from this deck. You know, I think it might be our only choice. I think of our only choice.

Well, let's see what happens. It's diet. It's dying. Very badly. Oh, yeah. There's only one way to save knuckles. So why don't you hand me the deck and you pull one card? Just against anything horrible happens.

That way we don't lose the whole deck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I guess what will be happening now from my perspective? We're gonna do this first. All right. Just hold the door. Just a moment. We're gonna go back to Knuckles,

but I just wanted to hand you this so you can start thinking about it. And when you pull a card, don't forget to say, don't fuck me, Kimma. Holy shit, thank you, Kimma. Don't fuck me Kimma. Knuckles, you hear that they're gonna come and save you, but you're now staring at an armor,

an army of motionless armors and Austin, Austellin, and he looks at you, now what's you going to do about my missing treasure friend? Do you see these drow? Yeah, I see the drow. I was just checking if the drow still existed in my mind, and they do. They tried to rob this place. I was hired as secret security by Boss O'Hula, and I followed him in, and I killed them. I don't want to hear a word out of your mouth. We're going to sort this out, but we're going to do it my way.

And he pulls into his pouch what looks like an orb of metal. And he whips it around softball style and shoots it at you. I need you to make... Oh, he gets to make a range spell attack against you. Oh, no. Does a 15 hit? No, it does not. You have dreds.

Thanks. Thanks. Oh no, it does hit. It does hit, never mind. He does it. Okay. On a hit, you suddenly, this ball just reaches your chest and then almost comes to a stop

before elaborate iron bars start to come out like arms and hug and twist around you. You've seen this happen once before. When you were in the game room, you saw the drunkard who got immediately snapped up and pulled, and this is exactly the thing that has happened to you now. As much as you are trying to resist,

it is magically content. you and pulling you into an armor, an iron band of different scraps and stuff. You were basically emotionless and not paralyzed, but unable to get out of the way, but you can still speak. Let me out. I swear to God, it's going to be real bad for you. If you came me in here for one second longer. Tell me why that is. What happened to my treasure? What exactly is going on here?

The treasure is not there. They put it in a magical item and only I know the command word for. Make a deception check. Oh. Oh. Oh. In the, oh. That's pretty good.

That's only one. We're all Tim Allen here. I can do that surprisingly well. I can do that surprisingly well. I have like a B plus. Yeah, all right. What kind of magical item? Something I've never heard before, but last droughted I killed, it's dying words.

It gave me the command word. How did you make your way in here? Who are you? Private security for Boss O'Hulahann. The Beholder. How can I trust any word you have to say? Where did these bodies come from? You could be trying to pull one over my eyes, friend.

I'm dressed as a fucking dealer. And why exactly is that? Because I needed to blend in. Barso Oohlehare made the biggest bet of his life on that fucking game, and he bet on his stupid mighty trunks, and I don't even know who fucking won the game. But he wanted to make sure that I was here, so that his bet, nothing happened to it.

And I stumbled on his drought trying to steal his gold. Now, what happened on the other side of this vault then? Where's Arcus? He would have come running. He died to a folder. I don't know. It was all just, it was chaos. It was pandemonium.

Oh, I killed the drought. And then all of a sudden, everything went turn, turn to black. We're going to get to the bottom this. He turns and he whispers to one of, the armors. Armour turns and starts to walk back to the lift and walks inside and starts to make its way down. Now, my friend is going to go and get one of our chief security officers.

He's going to do a little magic, magic on you. Make sure you tell him the truth. If you are, then there'll be a great reward, and we'll find that treasure together, understand? I'm just going to say, if you don't let me out right now, I'll never tell it. I'll never tell you the word to open up where that treasure is hidden, and it'll just be lost forever. It almost died with that man. Make one more deception, Shaq.

He rolled a natural one on the first one. Can I twist? Do you left? Yeah, sure. 14. 13. All right, but no funny business. I know how uncomfortable those things are.

I fell into one of my own inventions once. He turns and he reaches. behind the neck and you feel a little click and it suddenly collapses back into a ball which he catches in his hand very dexterously and he uh yeah now if you don't mind we're going to stay real close we're going to stay inside this vault understand all right we're all going to be in a vault but that's what I just said all right now we're going to wait for my chief security officer and then he's going to put his own a truth on you all right all right and we'll get to the bottom of this

So let's just go here. I'm not, I don't mean any harm, and I'll go into the vault. You walk backwards into the vault, and you can see how picked clean the space is. There's a few dirty coins in the corners, perhaps, and perhaps one empty scabbard or sheath on the wall for a magical dagger of some kind. You're thinking about the fact that on your person is everything that used to be in this room. And that's what we'll cut back to the rest of you. What are you three doing? right boss i shuffle them real good pick the right one you know just use what do they call it like

intention like manifest success you know what i mean and just use your intuition and whichever card is drawing you to it just pull that one okay and like don't second guess yourself you know boss like pick the first one that comes to mind because that's always the right answer i know you'll pick the right one and I'll cast for a inspiration on him too. Oh. Yeah. So, you know, just whichever one of these is drawing you to them. I feel very inspired.

Yeah. I feel like I got a... I feel like I want to... Only pick one, no, boss. You know, this little guy's trying to hide from me. I'm going to give this one. Before you look at that card that you've just selected. Oh.

This one. Don't look at it. Yeah. That one. Yeah. I'm going to ask you take a different card with my twist of dread. Can I move this one on the side so we can see what it is later? Yeah, of interest and chill.

Yeah. Holy shit. And welcome Dark Lord Blossom. Thanks for hanging out. Thank you. You know, boss, I don't think that was the one. No, I don't think that was. You know, I know I said not to second guess yourself and to go with the first.

No, I'm second guess me myself. Is anyone else feeling a little overly sweaty and nervous and not full of loss? Geno cast paper towels out of nowhere. So go ahead, pick a different one. This time, manifest success, and pick your first choice. Okay. I think that this one is the right one. Okay.

Okay, boss. Oh, gosh. I'll pull it out. Oh, gosh. There it is. Do you want me to tell you what it says? No, you do it. You do it, boss.

Okay. You agreed to one card, as per the magic of the deck, and only you will be able to trigger its magic. You turn the card from its vellum side to its face, and you look at your fate, your new destiny. Dungeon. What does it say? Dungeon.

Don John. It's called, like, fine. It's the Donjon card. This is a game of Dungeons and Dragon. Yeah. If you're dead, Dungeons and Dungeons. It's like Exonia. If you pull that and the Dragon card, you meant D&D.

Well, you know. Yamo. You wonder is if this will help in some way. This one is coming sitting over here. so that we can talk about whatever it is. That was the meanest use of a dread I've ever seen. I think that's great. Thank you.

Did you see what it was? No. Or did you just do it for fun? I did it because I wanted to make sure that whatever the shuffling that you were doing was accurate. I'll be completely honest. I love that. I love that.

So what does Sunden do? You look at this card and... Oh, that's probably a good thing. I knew a guy named Don and a guy named John. They were pretty cool. The brother. Yeah, Don and John. There we go.

I can't believe Derek didn't trust my shuffle. The world disappears. You feel nothing. There's no conscious thought. There's blankness. And for the two of you, you see him turn this card and suddenly drop it as his, form disappears and it feathers down to the ground falling like a card disappearing into not disappearing but just landing on the ground ready to be reshuffled into the deck it's a donjon

and it's got like this weird it's got this weird sputeman in the bubble in like what looks like beneath a basketball court and so that you have full player knowledge don john you disappear and and become entombed in a state of suspended animation in an extra-dimensional sphere. Everything you were wearing and carrying stays behind in the space you occupied when you disappear. Oh, my drought costume. Oh, my hurt.

Hot topic! You remain imprisoned until you are found and removed from the sphere. You can't be located by divination magic, but a wish spell can reveal the location of your prison. You draw no more cards. You're going to be the big bad at the next... Wasn't in that Superman movie?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This guy's like one of the worst ones. That's up there. So, no. The boss is gone, but he got out. So should we pull a card? It happened to him.

I don't know if that's the best option. Finally, I feel nothing. Med's finally worked. Boss. Oh, God, yeah. Can we send it? talk to you boss? Didn't it say extra planer?

You would see his and then you'd probably hear that. Oh, his story. Oh, my mahala-vill's over there. You talk and you hear your own voice echo on the floor. Oh, look at that, Olla. His stones right there next to his dirty underpants. Oh, no. Why would he wear underpants with that many holes in them?

Like, most of his not even attached to the band. Ooh. Were you supposed to be a different color other than brown once? Oh, no. They look like they might have been blue. That is distressing to think that we've been heisting with somebody with such terrible underpin. Did he not have enough money to buy underwent the pants? So should we pick a collard?

No, the crissing debt, I assume. Should we pick one and see if we go to where he goes? Do we want to? Is there another way to leave this area? I don't know. I think we should try it. It seemed like it worked for the boss. I'm going to suggest that she goes first.

Okay, well then you've got to take the cards. Should I give them a little shuffle? Yep, yep. And let's resolve what the other card does. Oh, okay. So that we can put it back in. Oh. Comet.

Comet? What is this? You can put that one back in. If you single-handedly defeat the next hostile monster or group of monsters you encounter, you gain experience points enough to gain a level. Oh, I'm level. I'm the king of the world.

If I single hand, oh wait, it's the fucking, it's Tiamot. No says, calling it now, arc five of prime, the party finds Gino's prison. And calling it now may also be suggesting it. And then they can deliver Gino to bear. All right. Okay, let me see. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb, I love moons.

Roll a D6 for me. Oh, fuck. Three, three moons. You worry if you turn this face that you'll disappear and end up wherever Gino is. You have no idea the nature of this deck what it could possibly mean, but you turn the vellum face to see the image. Instead of blackness and darkness, there is what appears to be a beautiful illustration of moon's face. And it goes from waxing just a thin crescent to waning and then revolves.

It's really pretty long. And then revolves through full moon again. And then it revolves through a full moon again before finally going dark in the face of the card and the magic extinguishes. Just don't disappear. You feel this sudden revelation in your heart. You feel this growing sense of power as though you have not just the ability to make a one wish,

but three. No fucking way. This is part of my plan. Spin it, spin. Pretty, Oola. Things if I wanted them. You know what I mean? Like a way out of here?

Yeah, maybe, but I don't know. I think you should pull from the deck and see what happens. Oh, my God. I don't know that that's the best idea. Why not? I didn't go anywhere. If it seems like you have some newfound power, maybe you should use that. I mean, so far, boss got out of here.

That's great. That's a thumbs up. I feel super powerful. I was married to stitch on him. I mean, to be fair, he's a bit. beer, so he's pretty hairy anyway. No one's going to notice his little weena. He's not that little.

He's in some strange, he's like a super monkey ball right now. That's near just like rolling through some impossibility. They're not even bananas out here. I mean, I'm a rabbit and I still don't want to end up in some other plane of existence with not us to Jean. But you don't know that that's what's going to happen. I... We don't even know if that's what happened to Gino.

Maybe I should draw a card at the last resort. That sounds like someone who's a punk-ass bitch. Or are you a punk-ass bitch? I don't look a little annoyed. No. Would you want your kids growing up thinking their mom was a punk-ass bitch to afraid to draw a card from a magical deck? I guess not.

All right then. Fine. Just, you know, pick whichever one you think is the most, you know, like I said, did you know, manifest positivity. Pick the first one that comes to mind. Just grab whichever one you think is right. Think about Don. Think about the dawn. Don John.

God, I did my old boss. This looks fun at my. Jester. Oh. The jester. I mean, I have a bard, and there's birdie qualities here. Look, see that oil that you weren't a pug. You have a punk-ass bitch and you haven't exploded yet.

In 1.5 seconds. You are now level four. Oh. What? And. Is that a permanent thing? Can I like update my shit? You have the option of drawing two additional cards.

What? That seems dangerous. No. Do I put the Jesta back in here? No. That's, yeah. You know, you know what I said about being a punk-ass bitch? I do. I'll tell Merry Christmas that a mom flaked out at the last minute.

And I know who I think... Hold the lower... Can you see? Do I have the option of picking 0, 1, or 2? You do. And I would say I'm not as a DM going to say, like, make a charisma saving throw or a wisdom saving throw to see if you're compelled. You just suddenly...

You always knew you could draw up something this deck, but the idea is planted. in your mind like a seed in a field. You know, draw the first one, see how you feel. See how punk-assie you feel after the first one, you know? You're very

convincing, let's see. I don't know that I like it. It's part of being a Faye folk, you know. Go ahead. Oh, that's a good carot. I can feel it. Don, John. For fuck's sake. Skull seems great. That's probably good. Yeah, yeah.

You play the lovely game Skull. I hate you all so much. You're pressuring the newest player. I don't appreciate it. It doesn't want to go home to my family. Orla vaporize them. The sound of a bell tole I'm deaf now.

Suddenly resounds around you. And you turn knowing what you will see before you see it. An avatar of death. A ghostly humanoid skeleton. tattered black robe, carrying a spectral scythe at its side. It appears just 10 feet from you and raises its bony finger and hand outstretched to you. And you feel that you must defend yourself or succumb to this avatar of, Beyond the Vale. We're gonna have to do some combat.

Can I cast fall in motion? You can. Do you want to pull your second card? See if you can use it to do death? I'm gonna fucking kill you, Bidermann. Can she see the death avatar? I would say I'm still just holding the cards out, like looking you all you stare off and you're now in slow-mo and I just look over and

there's death. Yeah, you just turn and you see an avatar of death. You hear a voice boom out as well. Glissy, you hear this voice. This fight is only between us. Between... I don't want to fight anybody anyway. Ola and death.

You know that if you interfere with the battle, that bad things will happen from just the sound of this crackling... The crackling voice of this avatar. It's like the lightning in the background. I'm going to switch back over to jazzy combat music. Roll for an initiative. But this thing's level four. Yeah, I'm great.

Yeah, did I do this right? I am a level four now. Does anything reset when you level up? Nope. It's not like wow. You know what? I totally get why they say don't give this to your party because you really want to keep pulling cards.

Maybe I'm the one with a day. What is your maximum hit point? Amount. Like 30. I mean like my full now? Yeah, if you were at full health. I'm at full power. What is your maximum?

35. You should take counter spells part of your level up. I don't know what that means. I'll take the skull counter-shall. You don't get it. All right, roll for initiative. Oh, shit. Does the level three spell?

13. You go first. It starts to swing at you and raises its side up, but you're a fast rabbit, and you're able to get your first choice as to how you want to deal with a sudden threat. Just fucking... Blast him. him. Just destroy them. I think I'm going to

shout out your death. That your death. I don't know. I was expecting something a little scarier and I'll cast hideous laughter. Okay, it has to... Um... I think it's a wisdom saving throw? It is a way of wisdom saving throw.

It gets a six. Wisdom 15 is the attack, so that really fails. It's... It falls prone, becomes incapacitated, and is unable to stand up for the duration. And the length of time is one minute, as long as I can concentrate. Prepare to face your mortality. And you say this, and it goes,

I'm just an avatar. And it falls over. And it's drapes of tattered cloth, starts to roll around on the floor. unable to do anything. On its turn, can it make a save to try and stop? Um, that seems like an important thing to know. Unless there's anything else you want to do. And at the end of each of its turns,

and each time it takes damage, the target can make another wisdom saving throw. This time it succeeds. Yeah, it has advantage on the saving throw if it's triggered by damage too. Oh, it hadn't taken any damage. I took a natural 17 on my roll, so it finally succeeded. What do I do?

But it lost one turn. But it lost a turn, and it's prone now. That's fun. I like that. Um. I can't believe we've done this to the new one. You're well- If this one class is good for one-on-one combat at the bar.

That's really funny. I'm gonna go. I think to myself in my prison. I'm gonna go for a dart. I'm gonna throw a dart. Okay. Okay, we go, or long. Otherwise I have to get in close.

We've roughed up weirdos and The ranged attack against a prone creature will be a disadvantage. Why? Because of the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. I can hit them extra well if they're just like there. No, they can. You have advantage on prone creatures if you do a melee attack. Oh, then let's do that.

I'm learning. Give me some credit. Kick him in the faith, though. I'm going to do a dagger attack then. I'm assuming I can just like, whack. Yeah, yeah. You can literally just jump on it and start doing this. I'm going to do exactly that.

With those noises. Jail shanked. They're the prison chain and take predatory, I learned. I had given you my prison chish. With those noises. So I'm making it a terrible. Yep, at advantage. Dirty 20.

And I do 1D4 plus four. That hits. So five damage? Five damage. I will say that just hits, which is table parlance for that's its AC. That's 20 AC, not so bad. It's got 20. It's just an avatar of death.

And it's like the blue cat people avatar. It's not the Airbender avatar. That's how bad it is. You jump on the creature and you stab into it and you feel like you make a good amount of damage. It sinks into the ground, in corporeally, and disappearing and then immediately shifts back up right next to you with its side

and swings down for an attack. It's going to do that. I hate you all, by the way. Everyone at this table is my enemy. You are so welcome. And the best part is you get drawn out of the car after you kill this guy. I get to.

I get to. You get them. Oh. I see why this is scary. I don't roll a hit. It just hits. Oh, good. Does he have multi-attack?

You take five slashing damage at the side swings through you. It doesn't cut into you. It goes through you. But you feel the idea of slashing in your soul at the deepest, coldest part. And that feeling is so horrifying and painful, you take an additional seven necrotic damage.

This is all just straight damage die after my HP number. Yep, yep, yep. I mean, you should subtract it from your HP, but. I'm adding negative numbers. I think not those two problems. Yeah, you're go again. It's standing in front of you, having just swung,

and it's clearly coming around for another. Good God. I am a baby. We have fought plenty of perverts and robes before we're all right. Little Lungard says, Lauren brings you kittens and you make her fight dead with an avatar. I didn't make her do this. I didn't call her a punk bitch.

I think, Lauren's talking to me. You want me to tell your kids, you're gonna your punk guess, bitch. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm probably like doubled over all the levers. It hurts. It stinks. It didn't even hurt.

And I'll cast mine sliver at him. Okay. Which is one of my cantrip. Intelligence? Yeah, it's an intelligence saving throw of 15. He gets a 4 plus 3, 7. So he takes 1 D6 of psychic damage. And I got a 6.

Oh, think. There we go. And you have to subtract the D4 from your next saving throw. I will remember to do that. Is that until the beginning of your next turn? Before the end of my next turn. Before the end of your next turn. It starts to swing around and it swipes through at you with its size again.

You take seven slashing damage and an additional two necrotic damage as it swipes through you from the side again and it hurts. You realize that you're facing mortality. You could die from this. If you aren't able to kill this thing very quickly, and you think you're doing progress, but you have no idea how tough this creature could possibly be, you're starting to feel a little scared,

and the music is helping. Is this what else? It's like. Your turn. All right, I'm going to hovel up and do the whole, like, is all you got sort of swagger and say, you don't even want to be doing this, and I'm going to cast a charm person.

Make an intelligence check. Oh, wow. Is he a, oh, is it maybe not even a humanoid? I would say that advantage if you want. See, the spookies killing it, and he's probably undead. Fourteen. Even that, like, is humanoid an undead, like, mutually excused? Even between five and ten, you know that he has challenged you to, like, a duel of death.

That his, not quarry, but his reason for existence via the magic of the card is to kill you. So there's nothing that can do. A charmed creature might make him like you more as he kills you. All right. So after he took the last swipe, did he get up? Did he spend any time? He actually sank through the floor and then emerged standing. Got it.

We're going to do some more darts, I think. You pull out your darts and whip them forward. All right. That misses, unfortunately. It goes through the rib holes and out the back of his cape, and he swings down again. This is going to be six slashing and one necrotic. Out of the combat game for so long as a mother of ten,

which, by the way, you're responsible for when I die. You're going to be raising 10 rabbit babies. Perfect. I'll make sure Merry Christmas finds a good boyfriend, a girlfriend, or whatever. You just leave a deck of cards just right next to it. I was told that I could not interfere in any way. Death said she couldn't interfere. Yeah, but as long, I mean, if they're just sitting there

and she draws one, there's nothing to do with you. They're sitting right there on the ground. All she has to do is draw one. I'm not stopping her. That's a good point. You're also not here. You could also join me in the don't john. It's right next to the wrong John.

He was waiting for it. It's right next to the... Don't go into the wrong one. Oh, my God. I just wanted overpriced sketchy surfing gear. Devastating. I just wanted some tight board

shorts. I'm gonna fucking wipe the blood off my chin and cast hideous laughter again. Okay. That's going to... Wisdom 15. Wisdom 15. I remember you have to subtract a D4 from your

table room. That is really, really good. I'm sure it was. He has a plus three wisdom. I rolled a 15. So you have to roll a D4. Just fail. He gets a 14. He falls to the floor, laughing at your pathetic attempts

to strive to hold on to life. It's your turn again. Oh, maybe just that. I think it's mine slivered time again. You keep mine slivered and brr-h-h-h-h-h-ha. Why do you have like a 2003 motor roll at Sunday? You hear this from the... So that bird, that whispers, wherever that bird might be.

It's not knuckles, it's not glissy, but that bird, an avatar of death, is summoned because it aided the person in the duel, and they're having their own fight now. But you do get the advice. All right, all my sliver again. A pigeon dress up. You have to make an intelligence saving rule of 15.

Oh, it was a 17 and then a notch down to an 8. you're good to go. What do you sliver? One D6 psychic damage. You get five. Five. This damage is actually starting to seeming to do. It's slowing down.

You feel that if you could do one more point of health damage to it, that you will have won this duel. But it's its turn. And once again, it uses its incorporeal movement to disappear into the terrain itself. It took damage. Oh, it's still laughing. It's still laughing.

So it has to do a wisdom saving throw right now. And it minuses this one before. I didn't do the one in the, from the previous round, so it... It wasn't laughing the previous round. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She cast hideous laughter and then I said it's her turn again, and that's when she just used my sliver again.

So I should have rolled previously. Yes, at the end of its turn. Oh, yeah. I failed that, so now I'm going to roll again at the end of my turn to see if I still am laughing. But this time, it's mine slivered, so you have to minus the D4. Now I will do the minus D4, again with 14. You just failed.

And I roll a fucking another four. So he fails again. I'm beating death today! With the humor of a mom, apparently, it's your turn once again. He's still laughing and prone on the ground. I'm fucking mind slivering him again. But you do get one more because she attacked.

Oh, end of turn and damage. Both are saving throws. Both triggers saving throws. 11. He doesn't make him. Okay. I'm casting mind sliver again. You have to make an intelligence saving throw at 15th.

And because I cast mine sliver the last time your next thing. It's intelligence? Did you take four out of the last thing? No, you took four out of that. It's intelligence. He has a plus three. It's a nine. I'll take my D20 back.

And you can death die. It's screaming and laughing in insanity, staring up at the darkening sky. It takes six damage. And this avatar dust in the wind. Holy fuck. See, I told you you weren't a punk-ass bitch. Now take another card.

I'm like inches from death. There you go. I'm holding intestines like into my spine. I will say you actually don't have any visible injuries. It was all sweating through you is your face with mortality, not with physical damage. My arms getting tired holding this deck out here. Why don't you give me a minute, please? One, two, three, four, five, five, six, maybe we'll save the next straw for another time.

8, 9, 10. And in this moment, yeah, you don't have to draw if you don't want to. You have full player agency. I don't know, like, can I do my two at any point of time? Is it like Jeannie Wishes where I can do one 20 years for that? It's a weird way to say it. It should be like you have to draw two more cards. Right.

But it just says that you can take two more cards beyond your declared draws. Is there like a limit where you can only draw one card per player? No, it's sort of like the way that we do twists of fate in icebound, where you have to say how many you're doing before you start. drawing. So you say, I'm going to draw three cards and then you take the first one and then you take the next one and then you take the next one. I really wish Ola would draw on a card. But there's nothing stopping you from declaring more cards. Yeah, I picked one, but I didn't declare that I was only going to pick one. You said you were going to draw one card, which is what you did.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't say like one of the two or anything. Like I just said I'm going to pick a card. You said I'll take an additional card and that would be in my mind satisfying the rule of declaring that you're going to draw one card. Okay. So are you going to draw on. another car or not because I'm getting bored. Not until I feel a little better. I really wish we were all back in the room above Gino's house with all of that gold. Let's take a coffee break. Guys, what the fuck?

You know, I'm going to let me work my way out of those. Bates. I love you guys so much. It is done. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of avatrous and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night

and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high scenes, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own. copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, the folklore tone for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more.

Thank you. Gino, you turn the card to see the face of your next fate, your destiny, and the card vanishes from your hand. Oh, John John. And you recognize the smell. You recognize the sight. You are back in the second floor of Gino's Deli. You look around and you can see Knuckles standing there, his arms up.

You can see Glitzy. You can see Orla who's looking pale and terrified, but everyone is alive and you all four find yourself, find exactly where Glitzy wished you to be. well Oh my God, what happened? You used one of your wishes I didn't know I had any wishes

You know I guess that was just internalized knowledge Also I just felt super powerful Why do you even bother Well Well, well

Anyone else like to celebrate Our victory with a ye old fashion Hey boss, we got more of these cards. You want to pull another one? How do fuck did you just do that? Because, my good man, your aspirations to be boss will be your downfall, my young man, my ambitious young man,

my young man. It wasn't even my idea. I can't believe you would try to usurp me. On this, the day of the heist. But anyways, I proved that I was a mastermind when I said that that little deck was the key to everything. And it was. I feel for the handkerchiefs.

You're holding them. I slap them down. Oh, thank goodness. There is not enough space in this tiny apartment. But to be there, I did wish for us and all of the... Does that include anything that didn't get in the... Oh. Gino, you're entirely nude.

All of your things have been left in the element. Yeah, all of your things have been left in the elemental... Yeah, all of your things have been left in the elemental... It's like I met the YNCA. Okay, here you go. I just look down. I don't care. I'm an old man.

I got fur. Here you go. Here you go, Oolome. You have a little carrot juice. Pour a little bit of milk in there for you, Gliffy. There you go. Your bathrobe is right there where you left it. Ah, there's my bathrobe.

I got to fix that fan. I'm really sweaty and I'm nervous. You know, I already kind of miss a nice piece of the void and existencelessness. I think we need to start. celebrate with a toast with that unicorn too. Haven't we been carrying around a unicorn the whole time? Well, did you want to draw another card from this deck? I do.

I have to admit that I do. I'm very grievously injured, I think. Wait, what? What is this deck? We found this, well, the boss found this inside of the vault, and he used it, and he was naked and gone. I used it and felt kind of powerful, but I didn't know why. and then Orla used it

and she got bigger but only by like one points and then she fought death and won because she ain't no punk-ass bitch and so now she's gonna pull another card and see what happens oh and then I said well I'm not gonna repeat it

just in case all of a sudden it happens again but I essentially asked for us to be here with all of the money and then we were I didn't know that's what happened I just thought it all worked out because I said for you to take the deck, that's really wonderful. Thank you very much.

You've really had a lot of foreskin, I'm foresay, boss. I mean, foreskin. I mean, force skin. I mean, force skin. Oh, both. So are you going to pull? I think I will.

Go ahead, do it. You know? Watch my children. What the fuck? It's like my, oh, those were the bills that my doc gave me. Oh. Okay.

What the fuck is? my children that peer pressures for no man. I'll write an after-school special with all of my billions of gold and produce it myself. This is an enhanced donjon. Really wish Ola had picked a different card. This black card spells disaster. You wish that I picked a different card. Your soul is drawn from your body.

You see the entire genus Deli disappear into a very small place. Almost like you're traveling through the astral plane. You see Galtica. You see the curvature of Vavantras as you disappear into nothingness. I have known all time. Your soul, your body stays where it is. So all of you see Orla just collapse and hit the ground. The disgusting drab carpet of...

you know, apartment. And... Ain't not that, drab. Your soul is drawn and contained in an object in a place of the dungeon master's choice. One or more powerful beings guard this place. While your soul is trapped in this way, your body is incapacitated.

A wish spell cannot restore your soul, but the spell reveals the location of the object that holds it. You draw no more cards. On our next ice. You suddenly get this knowledge. To be fair, I didn't wish to restore her soul. I wish that she'd picked a different card.

The magic happens immediately. Just saying. Just saying loophole. Buckhole. I would say that your second spell occurs and is wasted. A wish spell cannot restore herself. So you're not going to tell me where her item is?

Oh, yeah, you got to at least tell them. Oh, but it does reveal the location of the object that holds it. Let them need a long. Yeah. So I'll just, I just feel something like squiggling at my brain, you know? Like, I'm seeing darkness. What the fuck happened there?

He's a lamp to the ground. I'm trying to talk to you right now. I think that Orla's not with us any longer. I'm just lately. I, but I feel like I can see in my mind's eye where she is and where she's trapped. Come on. I didn't make it that strong, Laura. But it's kind of dark.

Come on, you lightweight. Pick yourself up. It's kind of dark. and there were some big people there and they're garden over her, you know. Maybe it'll come to you. Yeah, in the meantime. Yeah, in the meantime.

Yeah, he's gonna think on it for one. No, boys. Come on, knack. If you even drawing one, it's great. Everybody's doing it. Oh man, can it bring me great power? Yeah, it can. Or it can trap you in a mind prison.

But you do have to declare how many you're gonna draw before you draw your first. How many should I draw like three or four or five? I think three is a good number. You can only draw up to three. I mean, the worst that could happen is what happened. I'll draw free.

Okay, three. Yeah, there you go. There you go. And we'll just do this while I wait to figure out where wool is out. Yeah, exactly. Okay, there we go. Can I have another glass? I come back after my R&D and you're drawing more card.

What's happening? This is why you're doing. If you want to wait until, to plan the next, you know, don't really get the commit. I see, I see. I see. No, no, no, no. It will come to you before we enter.

tonight session. Go ahead. Sun. Oh, I got the moon card and that was really cool. So maybe the Sun card. Give that to me. I have to put it over you with all the disappeared ones. Well, if you guys are going to play card games, deal me in next hand, but I'm going to make Orla, here we go. I'm going to like prop her up in a chair. I'll just a hat. We should probably put some sunglasses on you.

It's like weekend and version. Okay, and then there you go. We get it genos. We get a genus. That's the next one. I'll, like, pour another old sash with carrot juice, and I'll like, okay, take this one. Take it.

Take it. Oh, you spilled my God, that was some good bourbon. Why? Unbelievable. Oh, my God. So I wonder what this God's going to do. Hmm. Thank you, Murdo.

Thank you, Murdo. Thank you, Mr.Sub. Thank you for the Prime Sub. Welcome to the family. Wait, so I was able to be wished out of the mine prison because mine wasn't as bad as the void? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's great.

Why? I mean, man, I kind of wish I went back, though. That felt real nice. It's like that stuff that Vinnie takes from that quail. I mean, that's what you really wanted, I wish you were back in the mine prison. I'm just going to say it. Okay. You are suddenly you're level four.

You feel suddenly much stronger. But more importantly, you look down and... Your penis is gone. Your penis is sheathed by a beautiful belt. And you recognize this belt. This is the belt that Arcus was wearing. And you suddenly realize that you feel stronger than you've ever felt. You have a belt of cloud giant strength.

You have a 27 strength score. What? Oh, this is gonna be. You see what I said, Knuckles? I said that this deck is just so powerful. That's really nice. There's so many cool things in you. Go ahead and pull your next one.

Nockles. Go ahead. Go to your next one, Knuckles. Justin. Oh, he gets another fucking level. I did level five. Bullshit. You're level five.

You give that back to me. And you want that many times. Oh, my. Level five. And if you want it, it would because of your declared draw, draw, draw two, You may now. Would you want to?

Oh, you should have one regular draw. Yeah, give them the regular cards. Yeah, the next card has to happen. And then if you want to, no, it's like, we get the black check table. You just keep that and hit me. There you go. Stop. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, that sounds like a good one. I got the moon and I really like how that one worked out. Increase another one of your ability scores by two. The score cannot exceed 20, but can exceed 20, but cannot exceed 24. Oh, no, I can't. Wait, Cloud Giant, it just sets you. It just sets you to 27. Okay, then I'll do calm.

I'll add too calm. Okay. Wow. Okay, are you ready for, are you ready for more? Oh my gosh. I feel so sure. Here we go. Are you burning the cards for the thing?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Be careful, you can. Gem. Oh my, gosh. I like gems. They're really pretty and shiny.

It's one of my favorite things ever. Zibba. Suddenly, jewelry from nowhere rains down upon you. 25 pieces of jewelry, each worth 2,000 gold pieces, suddenly appear at your feet. This is how Knuckles developed a gambling habit. That's great. I can't go wrong. Let's get one more.

One more. One more. Here we go. Okay. Okay, okay. Then we go. Pick a good one. Which is actually very little wealth.

compared to the millions that you currently have on your person. Ruin. That's probably fine. You don't know that that's probably not a dramatically appropriate follow-up. Tell the power you this game. Today's going to be real riches to rags. You know. You turn and look at the face of the card.

Glitzy, in this moment, as you were watching this wealth get poured down. You get this image in your mind. Yeah, that sounds right. This image, you suddenly feel transported. You feel like you're looking at an extra planar space. You're looking at the Faywild. Oh my God, it's just the Faywild. You can tell just by its ethereal and beautiful quality.

It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. And there's... And there's beautiful oranges and browns and golden colors in the leaves. This is the court of autumn. This is the court of autumn. And you fly forward and you realize you're in the central city.

And as you get closer and closer, you realize that the object is the brooch on one of the archfay of this court of autumn. Oh, it's in a brooch. What's a brooch? Oh, they make great friends' toast out of that. This image hits you.

It's a brioche. She's in a loaf of brioch? I got them down in the deli. It's more like a piece of amber on a brooch. It's a brioche? I'll go get all the brioche I have, Ola, I'm coming, and I'll take my breadbreadmo. A brooch?

A brooch. Oh, I... Sorry, it's a brioche. It's a brioch. It's eating a sandwich. He's eating allah. This knowledge suddenly comes to you, and what question did you have?

Nothing. What just what happens? Yeah, ruined this. Did you look it up? What? You looked up ruined, didn't you? I have it here.

All forms of wealth that you carry your own other than magic items are lost to you. Wait, did you? Portable property vanishes. Businesses, buildings, and land you own are lost in a way that alters reality the least. Any documentation that proves you should own something is also lost to this card.

The jewelry disappears. The dwarven. belt the belt of cloud giant strength disappeared. No, no, other than magic items. Right? That's what it sounds. All forms, yeah, you're right. Other than magic items. So you keep your portable holes. Oh, okay. And you keep your, um...

But all the shit in it is gone. All of the shit in it would be gone. I really wish you'd drawn a different card. Turn the car. No, no, no. I guess it's burned. I don't know how to fucking roll this shit. I would say he could return it. It's as if he got how to do it. Yeah. Well, for now. He would be drawn a different card. He would draw another card and then put it back in. So we put that one back in and just hope that we don't get it.

That's your final wish. Yes, I know. Welcome to Legends of Evadros for the point don't matter. Oh, thank you. No, but the rules may have to put it. No, we're putting ruin back in because I'm using the wish to undo it. You're asking that I choose a different card, so I can't put ruin. And so when, yeah, ruin would not be in.

Until after, and until after he'd come back. Yes. But then we would put in the burn back in. Put in the burn pile. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

What is this? I really wish that you had drawn a different god. I see all the gems like vanishing the same now. You get an image of ruin. Oh, should go up king. Fan them out. Yeah, fan them out. Thank you.

So now all the gems are back and all the gold still back. The gems are back and you'd have to check the portable holes to see if everything is there. But you suspect that it is even though Knuckles seems sudden panic in its face. Yeah. Uriel. Uriel? You're real. Uri-A-L.

You are cursed. You look at the terrifying image on this card, and in this moment, you suddenly realize that this is bad luck. Your streak has ended. Even though the image of all of the wealth being lost isn't true and reality, the thought will haunt you of losing such great wealth,

for the rest of your life. You've inherited so much from your heist that it's this fear that will cause a negative two penalty on all saving throws moving forward. Indefinitely. Just forever. Only a god or the magic of the fates card, which you can also draw can end this curse.

Did I draw all five? Yep. Yeah, right? Yes. Two levels. Belt. You did commit to a certain number of draws, didn't you? Yeah, so you committed to five total.

So you got a jester, star, gem, gem. You have one left. Yeah, it ruined but replaced by a wish. Yeah, so you have one left. So you must draw another car. You must draw another, unless they all activate. Well, no, one is my last group from the jester. So I could stop, but now fuck it.

I'm sure the guy will all need. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like you got a habit. It's not an addiction. As long as the, hey, why don't you transfer all of your wealth over to me? They don't call him Wally and McGillicuddy for anything for nothing. Exactly right.

Okay, okay, okay. Boom. Hey, that's wrong. It's a good jester. Kind of fun. You drop back down to level four. Oh. Oh.

You must discard this card and you must draw from the deck again. Oh! Counting both draws as one of your declared draws. I gotta shuffle these because I love the deck of many things. This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to our channel. Thank you, Kimma. Marla's body is just lying there. Hey, Ola, aren't you enjoying this?

As if in disagreement. I'm ending what the fuck. I think that's where we call it a night session. I don't have any more story for you. What's fate? Oh, the fates. So the fates, reality, fabric unravels and spins anew, allowing you to avoid or erase one event as if it never happened.

You can use the cards magic as soon as you draw the card or any other time before you die. So you don't have to use it. You could bring Orla back. You don't have to do it in order to get your curse removed. You could use it to do whatever you like, undo an event. It's way too funny. I'm going to use that as a hook for Faywild.

Yeah, for sure. For sure, Abby. I don't want to be cursed. I don't want to be cursed. But I also don't want to be level four. That's a good point. That's a good point. Everyone knows what you're saying when you say this in reality.

Well, if you join my cult, you'll be able to pay money and get to level 85 if you wish. I can't wish anymore. I'm all out of them. I'm going to hold on today's and just use it before I die. Don't you have an hour to use it or something? The faiths? No, you're supposed to use it immediately. Yeah, you're supposed to use it immediately.

Undo the curse. You can use this card's magic as soon as you draw the card or at any other time before you die. Oh. Oh, the fates? Yeah. You feel that you have a, for the first time in the reality of the world, you have a twist of fate.

Oh, you twist fate. Oh, my, that's very nice. This is how many we drew, and only one of us suffered a horrible fate. Actually, a couple of us are terrible fates. I have an idea. If you saw last one to get oil a bag. Oh, twist, yeah.

What a, how does this dungeon make this undo the? This is a twist of foresight. How do you solve this problem? How do you anticipate this moment and the emotional insanity roller coaster that you've been on? Holy shit. This is the post credit space.

Yeah. I will actually, before you do this, I will ask if you were serious about the court of autumn. Oh, I think it would be amazing to incorporate that into the story in some way. Okay. So with that in mind, what are you attempting to solve? I'm just going to try it because we don't got any more of these, right? Mm-hmm.

I think back to how Glyssie was always bad at pronunciations. And so when she thought she saw a brooch was actually just a loaf of brooch down in, in the pantry. Guarded by two guys. And guarded by that quail. There are two. Gone by a quail and a pervert rhino and a trench coat.

You have this moment of foresight. That's not the Faywild, glitzing. Haven't you been there? You have this moment of foresight and you go down there and... It's really dirty in the Faywilds. A lot of chickens. There are a lot of chickens in here. You go down and these are the meanest quail, the meanest chickens.

You know, but you know how to handle them, and you're able to push them aside easily with your arms. Get the fuck out of here. You have the Vigo coupon on Tuesday. Get the fuck out of here. You grab the brioche and you feel that you have the loaf that contains Orla's soul. I'm going to make her. There's really not a pun, but I'll make her the Orla sandwich.

You make a whole sandwich. I'm going to make a sandwich. I'm going to go up. Okay, I'll open one. This is the second time during this weird-ass three-shot that you forced a sandwich down an unconscious person's throat. You're next, Cliffsie. These are unconventional sandwiches.

And it's all of favorite. It's just carrot-thorn bread. There you go. Oh, O-Lah, there you go. Eat up, your favorite. You feed the unconscious body of Vorla. It's your favorite. It's soul, brioche and carrot.

Soul brioch and carrot. But it's not sole brioche. You know how glitzy can mispronounce words sometimes. She meant brooch, and she meant the Faye Wild. Dang. Orla's body. She meant broque. She meant broque.

And a baroque? Oh, you meant Baroque? Oh, gosh. I think she meant brocade, long of the fabric. Oh, that's quite a good. I don't know why can't I say this word. Brooch? Brooch.

Broach a subject. Oh, okay. Broach is a brooch on yourself. Your body remains. Yeah, I'm not well. Now you have an unwanted sandwich in your house. Well, you know, if I had an... You don't have to continue feeding you until they get the soul back.

If I had an... Electrumpeeds for every time I had the foresight to create a special magical sandwich to force on someone's unconscious body. I'd have two electron pieces, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it has a flight. Thank you, Zach. But you know, even though Orla's not here, and she now has left ten orphans to the world, we accomplished the heist. No, we can't let little Merry Christmas go without a mom. Can I grab the paper and see who won the game? Oh, yeah, it would be easy enough to go outside and grab the...

You boy would go by the biggest goof. What day of it? Who won? It's turkey, all right? Oh, do it. Play grassy and goose. A turkey is. Is it a turkey or a goose?

Who won? Who won? Who won the game? Oh, the mighty trunks good, sir. Everyone's celebrating down at the brewery. We're rich. I turned the gadget. Those nerds just want a whole lot of money,

and I want to try out this belt. Let's mug some people. Let's mug them. Hey, we're going to mug some people, little rabbit boy. Why don't you go buy it the biggest turkey down in the shop? Here's gold and treasure. You raise my hopes and dash them quite expertly, sir. I'm going to light someone on fire, maybe a whole block in the city.

He runs. He doesn't even take the gold piece. like it falls at his feet and he's like, and runs as fast as his little feet will take him. And Gino's still naked. That is how the pervert and the quail and the pervert are gone. If they just saw me. The new bears are coming.

The new bears are breaking fire. It's like the steam room at the YMCA. And that's where we'll end. And that's where we'll end tonight's session. I tried to end it like 18 times. A little early tonight, but. You guys solved the problem very smartly. I forgot me.

Just by getting in a bowler. Oh, yeah. We're gonna, with a beholder, we can effortlessly mugged him on the crowd and steal all their newfound riches. And you've got like a timer on that friendship. So like he was only out for like six minutes. So every time you pop them out,

yeah, every time you pop him out, there's like a beholder timer, he's hurt. He's very hurt. But you've got a pretty good item there. That's right. Oh, hey, you have beautiful. Flannia! Oh gosh, this is how it is.

I will say that almost certainly you begin planning your next last heist. A heist into the Fay Wild. The procurement whole lot. A heist into, to get the broke. We got to break. We got to, I'm munching on the preoche.

We got to break out Billy Mays before we get all the bag. So prison break, Fay Wild, a pixie break. Oh, she's not a pixie. Faye break. Faye, I got nothing. That deck of many things couldn't have gotten better.

What a fucking outrageous magic item. That is so fun. I understand why this magic item destroys parties. I don't want to stop pulling cards. I would never give it in a real campaign. No, it's got to be something like this. It has to be something like this. If you do it in a real campaign, it has to be like a deck of many things dream.

None of it really happens. I'm doing, I've always. debrief. But the rest of us... That's pretty funny. It all used to be white. Yeah, we need to talk about your underwear. Yeah, I mean, I just can't ever since my...

I got gout, I can't walk to the laundromat. It's just too painful. I just go to the sink and, you know... Well, you got you your cherry juice. Well, you know... But when your gout flares up real bad, something like... When I make my cherry juice potion, it's kind of more of just an ye old fashion with a splash of cherry. Oh, thank you.

for joining us, Lauren, for this adventure. Yes, this was super fun. It was so great and having you here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Man, what a ridiculous nonsense session today was. Perfect. Perfect way to end. It was a good energy.

It's a really good energy. To use one of these on my predicament, but we didn't need to. What a ridiculous pull. And you got to pull a bunch of, you know, 27th straight. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventrys podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shroud over Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash legends of Aventrists.

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