Legends of Avantris - Icebound | Ep. 31 | Cold Comfort

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

Bound by custom, our heroes must prepare themselves for the rare honor of attending the wedding ceremony of the mysterious Shadowveil Cabal. The promise of feasts, dances, and conspiracies lie ahead �� Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/9_ZeskuqGTA?si=97aKKvPvEbxRwHyI

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Scrimm Stabberscotch, and you're listening to Icebound. Here's what happened last time. Just as Scrim crumples to the ground, the sound that you have, above all things, never wanted to hear ever again. Sinoe vines like musculature growing like a glowing with a sickly green that interweave between it. You can see almost like chains hanging down from its wrists, and it appears totally still like panfithes. on a branch bout. Oh, God's damn it, is that a chain?

Is that a fucking chain? They know it's down here. Picheng, you must burn them. I will hunt the beast. The bone morgue in front of you deanimates and sinks to the ground. You hear this bellowing voice. Don't you kill her?

You hear this screaming as he's racing forward, dashing into the space. Clearly mad with fear and fright. Behind, you hear. a secondary voice. What? What is this? What is this place?

What has happened here? Your chieftain was keeping an abomination in his basement. We are here on the orders of the princess. We have a letter to deliver. Spirit Walker, why do you have this chains down here? Yes. Chiefton, what have you done? He was going to heal.

I was so clear. so close to saving her. I just needed more time. Everyone was safe. Everyone was safe. Everyone. The people you brought down here and fed to her were not safe. They're all to be sent home safely and shall only be used for labor, signed Princess of Wrath.

Did she know? Yeah, she is the reason my wife is like this. Well, that changes things now, doesn't it? Huh. She, instead of punishing me, invited my wife to dinner. She punished her. What the fuck are we supposed to do now? We get our wood, she promised us credits for food or some shit,

and then we gotta go see her, and we gotta ask her about this? We're gonna pretend like it didn't happen? She did this to him for not meeting a quota. It's to say she hasn't done this to others or something much worse. We under no circumstances can let her unlock the power of the Exeter Armament. She'd be entirely unstoppable. She'd make this land into whatever she sees fit. We can build the base of operations away from the city, away from the winged crazers.

Standing there, making sure she's not out of sight, certainly. But standing there with a pack over one of her shoulders is Daisy. and she finally sees the five of you and looks at each of you very seriously. The Silver Dominion, proud and unyielding, had marshaled their greatest forces to quell the growing threat from the north. Yet even their gleaming legions quailed before the hulking horror that now stalked the freezing lands of Dracar. Kostkachi, no longer a man, but a towering giant forged in the cold fire of dark magic was the embodiment. of wrath incarnate. Sigdis stood watching, her heart pounding

as she watched the devastation unleashed by her husband. His massive new form moved through the ranks of the silver dominion like a force of nature, leaving only death in its wake. Even as fear gripped her, a dark satisfaction welled within Signais.

This was the power they had sought, the undying force her husband had dreamed of harnessing to push back the subject the Silver Dominion and protect the Northern tribes. The war was not over, far from it. But with each battle Sigdis felt the winds of hope beginning to shift. She did not know what the future might bring should the Silver Dominion finally yield, but she felt a deep, unshakable commitment to Kostkachi, compelling her to stay the course.

As Kostkichi approached yet another regiment on the battlefield, his laughter, a booming sound sent tremors through the earth, the Dominion's forces made their final stand. Too late, Sigdus realized that they were not fighting to win, but to buy time. A sudden, blinding light cut through the darkness, and Koskachi, caught in the throes of his slaughter, turned. He had been promised immortality, yet in the blink of an eye, Kaskatchi was gone, his form obliterated by the power of some otherworldly weapon. Oh, shit. Those Sigdis would later learn that her husband had been banished to the cold.

reaches of another world, she stared in shock at the silent battlefront betrayed. He was gone, his promises shattered. Even then she could not shake the twisted knot of love and hate that bound her to him. As the weight of her husband's loss settled over her, she felt another presence. The Dominion's soldiers now emboldened by their victory surrounding her. They had won, and she had lost everything. Sigdus knelt before her unceremonious executioner. She had been raised with the sacred beliefs of the Norveld tribe and knew that it was not just her own life that was ending. With the death of her tribe, there would be no one to keep her ancestors' spirits or hers. They would be forgotten

from the memory of the world. Crushing bitterness began to fester in Signais' heart, driving her to the point of madness. In her final moment, Signais' heart cried out in wrathful hatred for the silver dominion. It was they, with their relentless expansion and disregard for their ways that had condemned them to oblivion, and in her heart's cry was a screaming promise of vengeance. She would slay every silver dragon-born Andrakar if she could. Her heart roared. The blade fell, swift and merciless, landing with a brutal thud.

But the unyielding wrath in her heart had not gone unnoticed. Taking back up where we left off last session, you had just been surprised by the terrible secrets of the druids that you had gone to meet in the north-eastern part of the city of Arjunholm. There you were able to defeat a new herald, a herald that had been thrust upon the chieftain by the princess's actions. And having cleaned up that mess to the best of your ability made your way home. It is here, late evening, that you find yourselves after making your way back to the district,

the space that you now call your own, as somewhat chieftains of your own tribe, that you were able to enter your abode. And it is here that you see Daisy, fully packed, standing at the ready, clearly waiting for you to come back, for she has made her mind up a determined nation. And with a single point, she gestures towards the center of Argentholm, towards the biting bastion, the great citadel where the princess reigns and rules, indicating I've made up my mind to go.

And that is where we will pick back up. What happens next is up to you. All right. That's your choice. Are you certain about this? I can't imagine leaving. I don't think I can hide. I know it's a great risk, but I could see my father. I could check in on the others, the rest of my people, and maybe do some good there, learn something about what's going on there. I've been trying to get in forever.

It's now I have an invitation. Bonobos is right. We're not going to stop you if that's what you need to do. But listen, you know, you got us a note before. You're able to slip us a note. If you get into trouble, let us know. You know, we'll come running. I'll try to find time, ways to get in and out if I have to,

but I don't know if I'm going to be able to communicate with you. Don't take any unnecessary risks. You will be safe for there. Then here, this is a wise choice. You will not be the... forever. The time will come for the final conflict. When the time comes you will know. To the final conflict? Yes.

You know he? Against the dragon and her ilk? The inevitable? The dragon? You plan to fight her? Well, I mean, uh, yeah. This is, uh, you want to see her? There's only one way this can end. It's not as much of a plan as it is a certainty that we're going to have to face. A bridge will have to cross no matter how we plan or wish one way or the other. And I know that you need to eat your meat and be strong and I would never suggest hesitating and filling your belly with a nice roasted haunch. but don't touch

any meat that you are served until you are absolutely certain that it's of a beast of the head. Oh, oh, God, oh my God, he's right. He's right, don't, don't eat anything in our shoulder off. Oh my gosh,

what are you talking about? All I'm going to say is that if you are not certain is a swine, a chicken, a pig, and elk, a steer, beast.

Make sure that you only eat the flesh of beasts. And if it tastes like pork and you're certain, taste it first. Do not eat unless you are certain, you understand, young lady. I will do my best. I will. All right. Do you think I can just walk there? She is expecting you.

You will not be held at least until you get to the citadel. It's in this moment that Queenie, chimes in saying that she will escort Daisy make sure that she arrives and

sees safe passage into the citadel this fortress that's for the best both that you ladies will be keeping a keen eye

on each other y'all have far keener eyes in the four of us combined will be fine queen also suggests that she might try to stay there for a while. See if she can find out what's happened

to Kat Rosteen. See if she can perhaps make better friends with Whisper Fang. I thought you might say that, given your strong opinions about the young lady going alone. Oh, this is for the best. Daisy reaches down and grabs Queenie's hand. Thank you. I feel safer. already. Both of you have abilities to remain unseen and can move about. We do so if you are able, but do not take unnecessary risks. We are not far and we are not leaving. If the time comes and you must wait, this is fine. Do not Get yourself skilled if you can help it. It's not the plan. I'm gonna...

See what I can do, and if I can give you any advantage at all, safely. I'll find a way. Good. That's great. And, Queenie. If you lay eyes upon whisperfang, then you can take the shot. Do so.

so. As long as it's not a wrist. No, no, I want to see it. I want to be there. Come on. It is irrelevant. We have a shot we got, Mr. Stavisgots. No, you don't want...

Part of us, you can't be telling me that you don't want to see his head split like a melon. I just want to see that... I want to see that his head is split. I don't need to see with mine or no eyes. With a Daisy and tell her to assassinate, Whisper. I am not saying she should do it,

but if the opportunity presents itself, it would save us and others great pain. It would buy us time. It would buy us time we don't have. I'm glad that the lot of you are coming around

in my idea. I was made cheating for a reason, I suppose. Bonobos had your back since day one. If there was another way, I would choose it. There is no other way. We have seen this. Our wise sage agrees.

Queenie sort of nods her head and looks down with determination. Yeah, if it comes to that, my bees, should we find ourselves at the top of the tower, can be rather pushy. Oh, that's very funny. Oh. I'm going to keep my eyes on that tower at the head, mate. Oh, and I'm just going to pray. Noy. Well, it's Queenie, and that we'll have a Queen Anne moment.

Like from the departed. Then Queenie sort of scratches her ear and goes, Wait, doesn't Whisper Fang have wings? That was very fondly. I'll have to think about it. A little rope will solve that. Punch some holes in those wings before you put them overbought. See what I can do.

He may still be able to glide. Perhaps it's safer if you cut the membrane from the bony portions of his wing. Well, you may as well just go to the joint with a pairing knife in that point. remove them entirely, yes. But if you are using a blade in such close cortes, perhaps just go for the throat, yes, exactly right. Or in the back, right, right with the lung. The back could work, lung or heart.

I'll figure it out, she says. We're definitely not gonna get to see this happen. Well, if it's in the lung, then they can't scream out. I'll only do anything if I can get away with it, Queenie suggests. But nothing risky. Okay. All right. Ladies, Mr. Stavatscotch here isn't good at goodbyes, so we suppose we have to rest up and attend a wedding

wedding tomorrow. You two are the lucky ones. Queenie does look down at the invitation that you all received and sees the rosemary and comments tomorrow, don't you mean the day after? We have a whole day to rest. I'm sorry to miss the wedding. It looks like it's going to be a strange one. We've never been good at saving the date. Daisy, you guys were invited to a wedding?

Do we have to go to this thing? Aye, Mr. Stabbertsch, are you getting cold feet now? Yes, of course I have cold feet. We're into car. I had cold feet to take one. Oh yeah, that's true. But these... This cabal, these cultists, that have some sort of kinship to you. I know.

They might be possible allies. And just think, just a couple weeks ago, we were eating snow. And now we're going to a wedding. Ah. There might be a feast. Scream. What? I could fashion you some woolly socks if this would help your feet.

It's not going to help, yoreen. It's not going to help. Thanks for offering. I don't wear shoes and my feet feel perfectly fine, so I don't know what you're complaining about. I'll remain safe. Remain the vigilant. Before you go, I'll take a smooth stone out of my pocket and I'll take my little wristing tool and it'll carve a ruin.

Keep this for the cold. And I'll pass it to Queenie. I'll cast Runa protection and I'll make a cold. the out of the And she thanks you And then she says one of her country sayings about how late in the day is getting And it's both charming and confusing at the same time and looks up at Daisy You know better start moving on kind of look

Daisy looks at each of you and you exchange a very short goodbye Quick hugs all around but Who isn't wrong? wrong and they begin to make their way out what does knee high on the grasshopper mean I don't know I can't even get the guess and before you go here I also stay protected and I will hand them two spoons that have been bent and etched with a hexagon in each one well you never took your hex charms Some ward off evil spirits and then here.

It'll be a little like cloth satchel that I would have found in there. And it's just filled with salt. You know what to do. She doesn't look like she knows what to do. But she pockets them. And I know that, that you know, you all be safe. Say protected, stay alert, take care of each other. And I think Mr. Staviskels wanted to say goodbye.

I smack, scrimmed on the back as short as I can pushing on. Oh! No! Barnabos, I'm still sore. Can you lay off? Hit me for a while, please? Oh, yeah, you got a little roughed up, didn't you? All right. I guess this is goodbye for now. It's just goodbye for now, all right?

We'll see each other again soon. Yeah. Well, uh, if I find a way to get out, I'll see you. And if you visit, maybe you can ask to see me. Consider it done. Do you end? What? End?

And what? Oh, yeah, that's all you're going to say? What else is they to say, Barnabot? Wait, we might, it might be moves before we see each other again. That is a best in what points. You know what? What out, Barnabos? I got this, all right?

All right. Doesn't look like yet. All right, all right. Good luck with the humans. Good luck with everything else. Okay. All right. Attention. He stuck the land, right. Okay, okay.

Got something your throat bottom of us? You're all right? You throw down the rung tube. Queenie almost grabs... grabs Daisy and starts to walk her out through the door, thanking you all men, gentlemen, and then you hear the door close and you can, it's for a moment that you can hear the sound of their feet. Me high on the grasshopper through you as well. And following seas.

And you can hear their feet on the snow-covered stone walkway making their way out towards the center of town where they can wrap towards the bridge and enter the fighting bastion. They disappear. And leaving just the four of you and the sound of the fire that Daisy had been keeping up, which looks close to dying,

but is providing enough warmth to protect from the intense cold just beyond the doors and windows of this abode. Now what? Now, I fix this up a nice supper. I will survey and inventory of the pantry, see, uh, What has not been pilfered by our ogre friends.

It sounds like it could be a promising end to what has proven to be a strange day. You know, hi, I don't you say much. Well, I shouldn't say anything at all, but it's weirdly quieter now. We could play some Parchesey. Oh, that's a wonderful idea. That's great. You know, pass the time while Barnabas cooks for us. I do love a good game with Parchese.

I will give the more. And you were so good at it, Yorne. It was so good. How about some lawyers dice and we can wager food? Oh, that's another fun game. I love that game. I would never even think about cheating. Wager's sausage lengths, eh?

This liar's dice, eh? Does one lie to win? Oh, yeah, see, and tell your point. It's a bluffing game, Mr. Yorineer. It's a lot of fun. I will try it. We've learned from some devious pirate, so I'm a bit of a ringer.

A shark, as they say. My hand turns into a dart. It's beanie, just staring out in both directions. And then I shift back and I go back and I start. I survey and I try to get a modest yet hearty supper for me and my companions. Not a challenge. You're still well-stocked from your efforts

over the last few days. And you're pleased to see that next to the fireplace, there's already plenty of fuel. Logs that have been stacked by whomever came in here to make sure that the chieftain and those closest to him got the best and first firewood.

And you imagine the other ogres that you now call your tribe, sitting around their own fireplaces, perhaps staring at the board of Parchezi dumbly and not comprehending what it is to be done or what needs to be done but still rolling the dice and screaming loudly whether or not one one versus another. While we play Liar's Dice or any game for that matter, I would absolutely be using his absurdly high deception and the sleight of hand skill to win or cheat if he's losing and like would

intentionally throw some games and let Yournier get some wins and like, you know, but would definitely be trying to like hustle his friends, for sure. I have three sixes and one five and one four and one two. Well, yes, not how you play the game. All right, Gilmy. He hasn't figured it out. Mr. Stavis comes up to. Oh, they're outless.

Troy, they better learn how to play the game by the time I'm done. I got to re-explain. I already explain. You don't say what, and the guy kind of goes on for a while. Yeah. Eventually you find your way to bed, unless there's anything you want to talk about before you wake the next morning. No, I think if we're just eating and playing games, I think I would, or you or near would keep it to that. You relish the time of distraction and nourishment.

It feels good to be engaged with the rules of a game when you've given what horrors you've witnessed today, the pains you've endured. It feels good to be in a warm shelter. These are not luxuries lost on you yet. You haven't gotten no use to this space. And you know that these are afforded you by your, for lack of better word, bond with the Princess of Wrath. Eventually, sleep comes from just pure tiredness. You can't play another game of Liar's Dice or move another pawn on a per cheesy board. You make your way to your individual rooms

and you enjoy a long rest. Thank goodness. I just can pull my character sheet. This is the first time in many, many sessions where I've actually had my character sheet pulled out. I also will say, just as an aside, from the very beginning of this campaign, I have been keeping track of a playing card set that I have.

So we also would be using, you know, cards if we wanted them. It's a very old, well-used set of playing cards, absolutely would still have one on me even after all this time. Yeah, an object of that science, I think you would have been able to keep on the side of your boot. You even, like, were happy that it was warming you during those first few weeks or months on the ice sheets of Western Dracar. It would have been brutal, and you'd be like, oh, at least my left side of my left ankle is okay. Yeah, that's right. Or if I had taken a musket ball on the ankle, it would have saved me.

You all wake at various times in the next morning early. As soon as light hits the windows, it's not like you need an alarm clock. And you also hear the bustling sound of movement outside. With a refreshed feeling, you all find yourselves back and down to Barnabos' fresh early morning breakfast cooking. Test these eggs, all right. There we go, no witches. Well, I'm awake now, gosh, Bonapus. Rise and shine.

Oh, that smells good down here. Oh, you're there. Oh, you miss this. Yeah, it's been nice. I don't know if we have any plans today, but it's kind of nice to have nothing on the ducat. It kind of takes me back home. Breakfast in the morning?

no imminent threat running at us? You do recall that the soup pervert, Nimrodel. We don't call him that anymore, Derek. Did he understand? Who is Derek? You do recall that Nimrodel had not just given you the invitations, but it indicated that he was going to make his inn private this evening to invite you to a feast with matriarch of the elves from the cursed glade,

a perhaps an elderly elf known as Elder Nightbloom, and that he was extremely pushy about you making the event. This is separate from the wedding. It is exactly right. Almost like a rehearsal to know. Got it, got it, yeah, yeah. How could you have forgotten about these plans? They relate directly to your backstory.

Oh no, Yorny, you misunderstand. I didn't forget. I chose deliberately not to bring it up. Oh, are we deciding to stay in? We could play more games. Hey, if it went up to me, that sounds lovely. There's no way in hell I want to go to the Super I mean, Nip-Rodell's in.

I have been having a lot of fun playing games. No, I think that as the newest tribe in the hoard of the princess, that we should pay our respects, especially if we're hoping to get the alliance, so to speak, of this order. Have to? Do we really have? I mean, think about it. Don't answer right away, Bonapost. Don't like, don't snap off an answer. Think about it for a long time. Do we really have to? Think about it for a long time. Don't answer too, really. You know, actually, Mr. Stavisgotsch, and you put it like that, Now that I think about it a bit longer, yes.

No! I did spend much of the dark hours, carving out of bone in my own gaming implements, similar to the dice of this liar's dice. But mine, the visage of great worms and breaks, do you see? There are more sides, but these are similar too, and I was thinking that we could roll them, perhaps maybe fight on drinks.

Oh my gosh, you're a wonderful artist. You never tell you're holding out on us. You're amazing. It is. Look the detail on these. It is. Oh, you're beautiful. That's a warm if I've ever seen one.

Oh my goodness. Wait a minute. You're actually in Scrimshaw. Is this a little elf? Wow. It is... It was inspired by the so-called super... Yes.

And this one, see, has a mammoth on it. That's beautiful. He has little... hooves that stomp you if you roll this one. Look, you're only putting so much work for this. I think we need to do this instead of whatever you just suggested. How long were you doing? I mean, that sounds excellent.

And it sounds like a wonderful game that'll be very underappreciated for the next 30 years. And just before the Game of Dragon Dice would have been invented in the world of adventures, you hear... I'll get it. You say, Stan,

standing before you a young elf, almost man, a very young elf. He's tall and looks quite muscular for his age, but he's standing there with sort of at attention. Uh huh. Hi! What you want? I'm here to offer a sort of, well, I'm here to offer a sort of, well, well, Oh, sorry. Spit it out.

No, my name is mus and... Must? Must. Yeah. And... Says his name is must? There is no way his name is must. What kind of name is must?

I don't know. I'm gonna find out. What kind of name is must? Is he human? He looks like an elf. Oh. It's my name. Uh-huh.

Who are you looking for? I'm looking for scrim and yornear. and Taishen and Queenie and Barnabot. And I'm here on behalf of Elder Night Bloom to show you around today and make sure that you're prepared for tomorrow. He says he's here on behalf of Elder Night Bloom and you're here to show us around

and stuff before tomorrow or tonight or something. And half of mine tell me to want any. It is up to you, Sprin. This is important for your very soul. I believe we must summon our courage and leave the house today. No, no! No! How could you even suggest something like that?

I wish not to. But it is in your own best interest, spring. Oh, you think that we should also pay their respects to the elder. She sent an emissary. It would be it. Disrespectful, I think, to not oblige. I think we should also be prepared for another one of those things. What?

Or another abomination to be chained up somewhere. We should be always ready for a fight any moment, even in our own home. All right. Also, ask him if he got his name from a online random generator. You open the door and standing there is an... elderly human man with a almost like balding head and you recognize him as the poet

and he's standing there what does the guy have to do around here to get to firewood I'm making my home here with you oh fuck he found us is this the Derek you were speaking of earlier no no no that stupid drunk

we ran it once we first got here then we saw him again at the inn I think it was Nimmerov Dells place and now somehow he found us and he's drunk again. Is this not Derek? What? No, I don't remember his name.

I don't think his name was Derek. Oh, he's the booze pervert. No, he's the booze pervert. The booze pervert. He's the dog's perfect. He's talking about firewood and he's confused and he says he's going to move in with us. Wasn't he at the ball of chieftains, too?

Was he? I tried my best to keep him out of my brain. We need to find out who this man is. A Tisham, I believe, did speak to him. I think if I'm thinking of who you're thinking of. Do you remember his name? To give you his name. It's not very memorable.

Okay, nobody panic. Everybody should stay here. All right. All right. Shh, shh. All right. All right. Moose, perfect, whatever your name is, whatever you are. What are you doing here? No, you can't move in with this. Just a moment. You're trying to speak to must. Well, must stand in him, and then I came back to the door and you're standing there. Pushed Glenn out of the way so that I can talk to you about it.

Glenn? Where's a Glenn? Is there more people out there? You peek, and you can see ogres moving back and forth. and they're all sort of turning and looking and seeing the attention that you're getting shouting through the creek of this door. Listen, Mus' booze, pervert over your arm. Be careful, I have a knife. I'm not afraid to use it. My name's not Glenn. It's Mus. I know, I know. You, the drunk pervert. What's your name? I am the poet. The poet. Who named themselves a poet?

I did. That's how I go. How I go. And that's your name? You expect me to. call you the poet as this guy is a self-indulgent asshole I would like the firewood and some perhaps some brandy if you have booze as uh the uh you're that not the chieftain it's the other one right it's the other one just don't just stay here don't move if you're looking for firewood is anybody got that stick i can give him oh you know that we there's a great shortage of wood that we in all of yesterday's uh trials and tribulations were about firewood.

Okay. He has a small twig. Perhaps he will leave us alone. Let me do this. All right. All right. Listen, there's a severe fire wood shortage going on.

I can offer you this single twig and I have it on good authority from the chief that he says to go fuck yourself. And I slide the twig through the open door. You can say that all I'm done? This is a tiny shitty twig. Is that good? Go away. You know, put musk back here with musk. Give me musk.

He turned, he turned, he turned, he threw the frown. He turns around and he starts to make his way out into the street and he goes, Yeah, that's agreed. This is the twig of giving me firewood and he starts to walk into the ogres and the ogres are clearly deceived by this Display and ready to give him whatever firewood he needs. He walks out of sight and you see must pop his head immediately back Okay, must good. You're back. It's must. Yeah. God, can you believe that guy? What asshole? Well, I'm just glad he didn't tell my full name. You're full. You're full. What's your full name? Yeah.

What's your full name? I mean, I'm here to take you to the hunt and to make sure that you get clothes and that you get a nice gift. Don't forget about the random name generator question. Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to ask, how did you get your name? My parents gave me my name. Did they use a...

Did they use a random name generator? You can hear the staple laughter from behind the door. Okay, guys, but seriously, he said no. And he says that we're going to go on a hunt and we have clothing and a nice gift. He said no? No, like, no, he didn't, they didn't use a random name general. Like his parents put effort into that? Apparently.

He implied that it was not his whole name. Oh. All right. You know, all he did. I did you seduce with the lad named Muskrat. You think it's short for a muskrat? He said he didn't want us to know his full name, so maybe we'll pry it out of him over the course of the adventure.

Give us ten minutes and we'll be ready, all right? Okay, we gotta get moving. And if that drunk comes back around, don't let him near my front door. I'll do my best. He pushed me out of way. I fell over. It really hurt. Stop being a little baby. I'll be right back. I'll be right back.

You should tell him the challenge him you would do him. You just caught me off guard. I think I could take him. Don't fight. I'm going to be gone for five minutes. Don't fight anybody. Well, I mean, if you want to, but wait until we can watch. Ten minutes.

All right, ten minutes. I'll be right back. I slammed the door. All right, we've got to get ready. He's talking about a hunt. He's going to give us some clothing. We're going to get a nice gift. I don't know.

It is for the best. It's the responsible thing for us to do. Right? Yes. We. must gain every ally we can in the coming conflict. You must be our vassal, our envoy from the clan to the elves, with your shared patronage.

I gotta be honest with you. I'm a little worried. Why? Well, ever since I got here, guys had some really good advice, right? Ever since we've known each other, it's been one of these things where, you know, I've been terrible. You know, I've been terrified of this thing my whole life. You've all told me to embrace it. I mean, in a way, right? It hasn't gotten me yet.

If you'd wanted me dead, I'd be dead, right? Well, learning the truth is scary. What I'm gonna do? What if embracing it, even if it is the right path, it's just not good. And there's no outcome. What if I don't leave this place? What if I'm doomed? Like, truly doomed?

Not the ha ha funny and scrim-dumed. I mean, like, really, really doomed. Mr. Stabber Scotch, I understand what it's life. Fear the truth and reality of your life. So much that you want to live in a world of dreams, of fantasies. But that's a fool's errand and a coward's. Knowing is always better than not. And even if you are doomed, you'll love it.

And it allowed the four of us, the five of us, the six of us with the young lady, to figure out how to undo you. I wish that I knew this when I was younger. Knowledge is power. Bonobos is right. If it turns out for the worst, and you find answers that lead down that path, You won't face it alone.

We're here together. Look at what we've already accomplished. Look at what we've survived. Whatever comes for you, we'll meet it together. Like we have everything else. And you knowing or not knowing the truth does not cease to make it true. Yeah, you're right. I'm just...

I'm just scared. No, that's good. You should be scared, Mr. Stabascot. It means that you're taking it seriously. It means that this has meaning. Everything we're doing has meaning. If you weren't scared, then I'd be worried. We are all on a great hillbremage.

And this is your part in it. The truth may shine a light upon how to fix what you wish to fix. Okay. Alright. Are we ready? I will put the game away. I'll go tell Musfer ready. Oh, clean it, the galley. Give me five.

I'm thinking of calling it to Dragon Dice. What do you think? Oh, that's as a good as name as any. I'm just so impressed you've got so much of detail on such a small surface. I've been risting rooms for centuries, so... Oh. It is a long, hardened... skill. Yes. A mastery of it.

You could play some night from night. I would wait until everybody's basically ready. Yeah, I'll be clean up. I'll grab everything. Go back to the front door and tell them we're ready to go. In case we fight another. You swing the door open and Mannyus is standing there. Human man say we give food

and booze. Oh. Oh! No, no. You are not to give that booze person. a single drop of our provisions or a scrap of our firewood. Mattius. You heard that cheat and he's right. I gave him a piece of stick. That should be enough.

No firewood. Wait, no, there's a shortage of firewood. We can barely make it enough that from the, uh, from the orcs. Stick not, uh, decree. No, it was a single gift to tell him to get off my porch. He turns and he starts to stomp away without saying another word as though he's had, I'm going to have a serious conversation. Yes.

If he refuses to give you back what he's taken, you have my permission to break his neck. Break neck. Or back. Okay. Snap him like the twig that Mr. Stabberscog gave him. Break human man's neck. All right.

He turns and continues to stomp. And you see Musks standing there watching all of this exchange and then look at that. You ready? Yes, we're ready. We are ready. Now that is how you chieftain, young man. As you begin to depart, I look back to the group.

I mean, seriously, who calls themselves the poet? It's very self-absorbed. I would agree. He's not a fun one to talk to. You know, I can't believe, Musk. You said your name was Musk? Mus, M-U-S. Is that short for musk,

no. I think it might be. It's not. What about mustard? That's what I was thinking. Let's not be silly. What about what is the soup courchard's name?

Nim Rodel. Maybe he is Moose Rodar or something like that. Oh, that's very funny. What about Mustang like a horse? Okay. Well, we're going to keep guessing. so you better keep walking.

All right. I'll tell you. Oh, she, wait, who is this gonna tell us? Shh, shit. I go, I want to go by mus. I don't really like my name. Okay.

It's Glenn mustard seed. Oh, oh, my God. Mustard was right. Oh! Oh, my. No. You have to be shitting me. What do you was talking about?

Glenn. I'm screaming. Screaming. Glenn muster-se. He's turning as beat red as an elf can turn, and he's just, like, shuffling and, like, walking alongside you. You may have made an enemy.

Everyone disliked that. How does this spell of Glenn? G-A-L-E-N. Glenn. You know, if you're just gone by Glenn, this whole thing would have been unavoidable. completely avoidable. No, I don't like,

it sounds weird. Yeah, but when you say your name is must, the next question people are going to be like, is that really your name? I thought it sounded cool. Wow. You thought must sounded cool? Like, mus.

Go on? There you go on. What about choosing something entirely different? That's what I was going to say. You're a young lad. Your name can be whatever you choose it to be. How about something powerful? Yeah, like grim bone.

neck snapper or spider. Grimbone neck snapper? Rimbone neck snapper. Slider? Spider. Like the spider. Spider. I prefer grimbo neck snapper. People don't fuck with brimbone neck snapper. Let me tell you. No one's gonna call me that. Well, maybe we can start getting the ball roll. Oh, you get it with that attitude they won't. You gotta snap some necks. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, I know where we can start.

So when that drugged man push you and you let him treat you like that, do you think anyone is going to respect you if you let people walk all over you like that? Well, he just sort of showed up. I didn't see him coming. Well, that's just the kind of thing that someone not named Grimbo Neck Snapper would say. You got to ask yourself, what would Grimbo Neck Snapper do in this? situation. I don't think someone would push over a person named Grimba. That's exactly right. Because you know what that would why they wouldn't tell them? Because they'd be afraid of their neck getting snapped.

Oh. Grimbo neck snapper wouldn't let an old booze pervert push them over. Yeah. You guys know a lot. He'd make that old booze pervert real sorry. But you know what? It's not too late to get your courage back, lad. We know where the booze pervert is. And I think it's starting to settle the score. You mean the poet? Exactly right. We don't have time for this. He's right over there.

We're halfway to the fucking, uh... No or not. Alright. No, we're... No, no. No, no. There's this very brief theme... There's this very brief scene where...

It's only a good three seconds. ...where you watch the party beat up an old man with an ogre and a 13-year-old elf. It's like... It's like the printer. scene from like this phase. Yes! Oh my God! Then they make their way. Holy shit.

Oh, my God. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. Also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror toome for Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition.

And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You all kill a poet. And what turns to you? Well, let's go down to the Gersiglidna. Oh, neck breaker. That doesn't happen.

Instead, you continue your journey. and he leads you through the district of the cabal, the elves that you've come to know, primarily through the innkeeper that you first met when you were fleeing authorities during your arrival at Arjun home, Nimrodel. And you are once again confronted by the differences between the districts. Even though this is a singular city, the cultures here. make their boroughs their own and the streets reflect that the look of the buildings reflect that you can still see the bones of the old city peeking through

but you in fact I think I need everyone to make a history a history check yeah it ain't me man that ain't me it ain't me You could not be me. I thought that's a minus. Seven. 16. No, not about. Oh, 19.

Oh, 19. Impros! Impro! Woo! What I'm fucking go. With a plus one, I got a nice name. Oh, several plus one. Impros.

It is... I have a plus one. I have a plus one. Oh, we're all stupid as bricks. Scrim. Tyshen, justify however you might. You are walking through the streets of this people. And you start to pick up.

up on a commonality of a structure that you've seen before. It looks very similar to the cabin that you saw long ago in the woods. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. They were hit by the Harold... When you were initially confronted by the, when you first heard the scream of the the Elder Herald of Fear. It was an ancient, elder architecture. You remember that that is where Honey and Daisy had hold up for the winter, having just themselves escape to Ogerton. And do you remember that all those details come flooding back? These...

There was an elven skeleton there, wasn't there? There was indeed. Somehow we learned that the person who lived there was elvish. We knew it was like elvish architect. We all saw it differently, right? Didn't it look different each of us? I described how a shelter like this would feel to each of your characters after having survived for so long without seeing a structure that was purposely built. That wasn't like ruins the way that the towns that you had been going through up until this point. That had been a beautiful, beautiful place. Unfortunately, it was

consumed in fire in your confrontation, and whatever you could have learned there so many years ago was also extinguished. That being said, you look at those and you realize that some of the same choices are being made when it comes to the doorways. The glass paint, on the face of them, the way that beams are used, fabric, certain flags. These all feel very familiar as you walk through and must continues to guide you past what look like residences, small businesses. You can see a softly beating heart of not commerce, this is not the marketplace that you initially crashed into, but you are able to make your way through and eventually to

to what almost looks like a homestead or a farm-like space. And there are a variety of couples there, different elves. And they're all standing around readying themselves for what you can only assume is the hunt. And must chimes in. This is it. We're here. What we need to do is pick out pig, and then we can go out on. the hunt. Okay, so this is the first time we're hearing about any kind of hunt. So what's the deal here? Why are we picking out? Well, it's a part of the wedding. They only, they want the, the,

freshest ingredients and it's being a tradition for, for, forever. You came to the right place. I am a professional hunter. Yeah, we, that's fantastic. That's going to really help because the, the, the, the person who brings the, um, brings the, the most largest and beautiful and perfect truffle will be able to sort of bring honor to the wedding. Oh, that's right. We were hunting. They don't eat meat.

Well, at least you can't turn into ablomination. I mean, that's pretty serendipitous. Let's be realistic here. What are the chances, you know? They're immune to the, you know. Well, you're calling that a hunt? Yeah, it's a truffle hunt.

hunt. It's more of a foraging or perhaps a scavenging. Well, it's like a competition, like a hunt. Like we're, we're going to, you know, grab a pig and then lead it out into the, into the, into the forest. I'll help guide you. I haven't done it that much, but I'm, you know. All I'm saying is you better weigh your words and actions carefully around us, young lad. You may be grim bone, break. neck I'd be that now. It's neck breaker. I don't either way. But you are dangerously close, especially after your fear to go after the booze pervert. You are dangerously close to becoming the trume pervert. How now?

Tread carefully, young lad. Tread carefully. What did you mean when you said abomination? Oh, you abominablement. Well, just keep not eating meat. And you don't have to worry about it. Only think it might be too late for you to get any kind of muscle, but. Just keep strong, and he actually comparatively does look like he could grow into a strong man.

Okay, hold on, let's let's go ahead, please. Tyshaen, please. Oh, they're smart. They're smart. Actually, no abomination. Well, in the last, I don't know, recent times, recent memory, has your chieftain been doing anything weird? acting normal? Or anything kind of out of their classic day to day. Any shift in behavior?

No. All right. Sales out. Well, you've convinced me. Can I check to see if I believe it goes through me being this like affable, like nice young man to him be

like, nope. No, all of a Realistic SpongeBob face. Realistic Derek's lips with a little bit of a beard show up on this guy's face. No. Drake against the DM.

May I determine if he is lying? Yeah, you may make an insight check. Oh, that's the check you should make. With wisdom. And I add my proficiency most likely. Ooh, I should have called for a twist. Yeah. We have can we help them? We're all insight.

Oh, are we all in sighting? Are I gonna have a... Oh, I'm convinced. I'm so... You asked the question, why don't you also make a... All right. You're gonna twist five times. What did you get?

11. 11. I rolled the 3, I got an 11. Damn. Oh, I have plus 8 to inside. You got plus 18 on Insight? Plus 8 to Insight. Oh, yeah.

18 seemed like horseshit. That was, that was completely. You all big. Okay. We both roll threes, but he adds... Plus 13. Plus 13. So 16.

Okay. 10 would have been enough. Given the embarrassed nature of this awkward teenage boy, he does clam up. He does stiffen a little bit. He does not know how to lie to someone with your authority and your strangeness. And so you can tell that he's not telling the truth. must I've played Liar's dice all night

I know what I'm being lied to I don't hate things I'm maybe I'm Mr. Foyer Blossom No continue You're doing great Mr. Foyard Blossom Speak plainly What's happened to

Nothing is happening It's all We're going to go on a truffle hunt And then I'm going to take you to the tailor And then I'm going to take you to Get a gift And then we are going to go have a dinner and I can help.

I'll be there all the whole time, and it'll be great. It'll be really fun. Must, if you don't come clean with us, something terrible will happen, and it will be on you. Your actions could lead to the destruction of your entire clan

in its way of life if you continue to lie to us. Tread carefully, boy. Just that, that, that, and he, like, leans in real conspiratorial. Make a persuasion check. Just, oh. Just that your arrival has been, you know, everything has changed, you know. It's why we want you to be at the wedding.

It's really important. Nothing bad. I can't tell you. I shouldn't tell you. You're right, boy, and I'll kind of tap his shoulder, and I'm going to pull him in, like, and really grip his shoulder. Now, I'm going to ask you something, boy. and you better not lie to me or my friends.

Has the leader of your clan or anyone else you know dined with the princess in the last month? Perhaps two moons. I don't think so. Are you sure about that? I know she sees all the chiefs and elders, but not like, I don't know, I don't know, why.

I will try to discern if he's a lie. Make an inside check. Oh, let's go, big number. Let's go. Inside you say. Inside, what the fuck is. Oh, 17? 17.

He seems genuine in his not knowing this. He seems like he doesn't want to be pushed to reveal something that he shouldn't. I'll grip tighter. What are you not telling us, boy? There is aberration here. Taboo abomination. Oh, there lie, there, there, there. And from, like, knee height, I'll be standing next to know,

I'd be like, and I have a knife. Nothing bad. And then what is it? If there's nothing bad, you should be honest with us. All you know you just meant us. They want your help. They want your help. We have

We are eared out With what How would they like us to have The princess, she's not really nice And we're not doing good And she's She's mean And really mean

And I think the elder She has a plan to help That we can all help each other and be okay Okay? I didn't tell you, okay? Oh All right, all right All right, I'll let all let all let me I'll release the shoulder.

I am sorry, lad. I didn't mean nothing by it. We're just trying to help in their, our dark, dark deeds of hut, and we're trying to make sure that the people of this hoard are not fostering abominations. You wouldn't know that, would you?

No, I'm sorry, boy. I, I, I, after the events, we're a little on edge. Here, This will help you calm down. How old are you boy? We're the equivalent of, perhaps, for a mortal, Matt, such as my self.

I'm still young, I'm 13. 13. We don't know how elves work, but you're old enough for this. And I'll kind of, I'll take my pipe, kind of wipe it off. I'll get my grow bag and I'll put it in. Here you go, boy. Now take a good old puff of that. Don't actually dare it, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you really numb this thing. Oh, there you go. You can borrow that while we're on the hunt. It'll put some air on your chest. Can you keep it? Oh, no, no, take another one. I think I might throw up. Take another one, you need.

One other puff will get you through. I'm lying. Here, don't you feel good? Isn't that mellow you out? Jesus. I'll be right back. I need to find a pet. When he runs off,

the moment he runs off, and Ty Shannon and Barnabos, maybe they're laughing about the situation, I'm going to turn to Yorna and be like, I don't know, Yorna, something doesn't add up about this. Why would he warrant that kind of reaction if he just wanted our help?

Something's going on here. Even thinking it will be treason to her, and we know she deals in afflictions and curses, I do not blame him for his fear, but he confirms that we may yet gain another ally. I just, I don't get it. I guess that's an extreme reaction for just wanting to ask us for help. Something's going on here. There seems to be a running theme here. is the clans are not finding favor with the princess,

and the chieftains turn towards some plan to shift their tides, as it were. And that does not seem to be good news. There's no way. There's no way that the princess has been slipping than me, right? There's no way they'd fall for that. Boy, there is a way if she hit it with one trolley, was to say she didn't do it with the others. You'd think they'd know that they weren't eaten, you know?

Not me, right? She has the power to affect someone in such a way who's to say that she can't do it in a different way. We could be limited in thinking of what her power to corrupt truly is. All right. You guys are right. We got to be ready for anything. What are you sick to pop out of nowhere? We're on any corner.

Well, we killed the last one, easy enough. Those are chained to the wall. Miraculously. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, God! One of these things running wild through one of these districts is gonna be a nightmare. We can't also lose sight of the fact that the chieftain was bringing people down there to feed it. We can't trust what they may have us do.

But the... The princess is trying to raise an army here. What benefit does it do to have some horrible terror just run and wreak havoc through all of her army? Her districts? Nothing to lose it, but to hold some terrible sway over a chieftain to force them to work harder, develop more? Damn it! Grow more wood, create more, produce for her warring hordes? Manipulate a single leader.

And you have... Hordes pledged to her banner. Okay. So we're banking on the fact that she thinks she knows what she's doing. And she's not going to have one of these things just go on a rampage, right? We got that going for us? There is no evidence thus far that she has done this more than once. But there are many means of deceit and treachery. Beyond being fed flesh of your own kind.

Who knows what other means you should? she has to put pressure on the leaders to get her way. You've all been able to have this conversation on the side of the street, almost in the shadows, just quietly murmuring to each other, keeping your eyes out, watching the foot traffic, go back and forth, no one approaches you until you see musk wiping his mouth, eyes still water,

walk up back to you and I'm sorry I'm no there's a good lad I don't think I want to do that again um we got to get a pig we got to get going all right to the hunt how do we pick the pig that has the best chance of finding the largest truffle Bonobos have you had trouble before have any of you ever had trouble before well you're cooking with truffles buddies I've always found it overrated Oh, well, I've only ever liked it because it's very expensive. Wait, that's what I mean. It's a bunch of merchants who are... They're raising the prices because they say it tastes better than it does.

Really? I always thought it tasted pretty good. Well, because that... You believe the mumbo-jumbo of the merchants. And the truffle vendors. Well, I don't have many. I've not sailed... Wait. With many fine folk. Are you suggesting that... Just because someone told me that it tastes good, that I...

What if this happens with other things? What if alcohol's not that good? What if I've just been... Ah. You need a minute? Mr. Zavis-Go. No, I know. I can't dwell on that. I can't think about this. Must, we gotta go.

To answer your question, Scrim, I don't think that we're gonna have much of a choice. I told you guys we needed to hurry. Any points? Oh, no. And there's only one. pig love. Does it look like it's very good? And you turn

and you see this ancient, huge fat pig. That's a good sign. He's got, he's got his face is all scrunched up just like huge his fat flat and like this, his massive nose

and he's just barely moving. He looks like the, he looks like the leader of the Boer clan from Princess Monanoque. No, this is good. That's good, yeah. That's a good thing. That's a good thing.

I don't know if he's been out for a while. Wow. Whoa. That's Wilbur. Wilbur? Yeah. Oh my God. Can you talk to Wilbur?

Please. If you could talk to Wilbur, we're gonna win this thing. I... No, didn't you talk to Fiesta on the ship? May, uh, may it rest in peace. I am able to speak with Wilbur. Yes! Do I want?

Yes! You do look at what you want to. You can speak to Wilbur? You definitely want to. He's ancient and filled with wisdom just like yourself. It's a pig with stories. Oh, think about the stories he can tell. Oh, I can't stop thinking about the stories he can tell.

He must have seen so many truffles in his lifetime. This is a sure thing. Can we bet on this? I need ten minutes. All right, do you get ten minutes? 10 minutes to speak to Wilba. I'll give you an hour. Grimbone.

It's still morning. I mean, we got to get going. We got to walk, and then we've got to see the tailor. And then I got to get you to the... Grimbone, I'm going to need you to shut the hell up for five minutes. 10, preferably while you're in here does this thing. I still think I... Yeah, good, go.

Get, get, go. I don't think I prefer us. Don't get sick. You do it. Around the building. Go around the car. I'm like an angry Capri's son. He stays with you, but, uh, uh, he stays with you.

but you do take a moment, Taishen, Barnabose, and Scrim, on your own, waiting for Yornear to access the weird, meditate, do whatever it is that he does. I sit there, like several minutes goes by, and there's kind of an awkward silence, and then he's sitting there, and while we're there, I kind of looked at my other two friends,

and I say, you guys have a wonder what you taste like? I think about it a lot. Oh, you've never wondered that once in my entire life. Do you think about that a lot? Yeah, it comes up a lot. You've never once wondered what you taste like. What you taste like?

Yeah, what you taste like. I've never had the courage to take a bite of myself. I'm glad. You haven't? No, just me? I don't know. Why? Okay.

Another seven minutes. So this architecture... And now uncomfortable, son. This architecture looks a little familiar. You can't place it though. I'd been thinking about to... Oh! You're doing scarce.

Oh, easy there. What's he doing? Wilbur. And you all here. He's doing it! He's doing it! Grimbone prepared yourself because what you're about to see is going to be amazing. Can you call me must? No, I can't. Go! Go! You're there.

Not if you killed the bow in the streets, we can't. Wilbur! I've been seen. Wilbur, I beseech you. Um, you walk up and, uh, you approach this massive, uh, pig. Oh yeah. Who speaks to Wilbur? Are you ready for de Great hunt we are about to embark upon? It has been many witters since Wilbur has been on the hunt.

What can Yornear do for you to ensure that we have a successful truffle-hound? What I'm imagining right now is Yornear and the pig are snorting at each other. Scrim is looking on with the biggest smile on his face. Tyshen and Barnabos are kind of nonpluss but interest what's going on. And Grimbone is like, what the fuck? And he's like so confused. Yeah. No, I mean, Yornear in perfect pig is just

Well, you see, the whole thing. Right there is where you get your baby bat ribs, and then right here is the ham-off. And there's where you shave off the pork value. We don't do that. None of us do that. That's like, ugh. Ugh.

Ugh. Not even the money meat. He continues to snort and huff, tapping his foot every once in a while. Yorny are in perfect common. You are understanding, It's been many years, but Wilbur. Wilbur is the best, truffle hunter.

The best around. The question is exactly that. What can you do for Wilbur? Your Honor, what's happening? Did you tell you they just found a thousand million truffles? Tell us, tell us! What do you wish? I'm still sorry. What can we do for you to...

enable you to perform your incredible talent. Tell him I want to ride out like a pony. Tell him, tell him, I'll ride him into paddle while and find truffles. Oh, and ask him if he dies of old age or natural causes, can we still turn him in a bacon then? In sausages. Can he only find truffles or does he know how to find other things? In pork chops?

Would you find us some truffles for a Charleston shoe? He said the face. I know it. I know that reference. Oh, my kidneys. Wilburwood like to be respected. He's tired.

He looks for luxury. He looks for ear squirting. If we are successful and victorious this day, I will grant you a great honor at the right. hand of my chieftain in the ice-born clan. You have the right. He's advisor, I have the ear of the chieftain.

He does, as I say. He believes my words and my influence has a great sway over him, more so than he realizes. Then lead the way, tall one. lead the way slowly why

Wilberler is an old pig Oh he's moving He's walking You're doing it Tell us Tell us what he said I will just turn and look at you

And you'll see me turn a new pig All right Wilbur We're communicating It is you and I together We've all the pigs You tell me what to sniff for And I will join you, I will follow your lead. Let us find the truffles.

They are but two hours away. Then let us not waste the time. Let us go. You watch as yorneer, uh, fitter pigs. It's still somehow he has yornear-esque aesthetics. Uh, Yeah, I'm gonna put with him. We're wearing giant tops. Huge face jostling back and forth as he continues to step forward.

I have like runes on my pig test. I guess, I guess, I guess we're on our way. Oh, yeah, we're following. Yon Nade is. Keep up. Here we go, we're off. This is it. Buckle up.

So I'm like side by side, just asking Wilbur about his many pigtails, and I want to... It's very funny pig tails. That's the story. He shares with you a life of adventure. Life of, for what a pig might consider adventure. Finding the best truffles,

always being a champion. By the time you come to the end, He's either, certainly, certainly. He had a wife. He had a wife. Many of the other pigs who have been taken instead of him are his daughters and sons.

What's his actual name? Does he have a name that he calls himself? Name generator. Pig. He was... Charles, too. Spirow, Agnew. Agnew.

Agnew. Boney. Sure, why not? I was going to say that he refers to himself as Wilbur, and that that just happens to be like he's been grown up. He's grown up being cold Wilbur, so he just has been making that assumption, and he wears it as a badge of pride.

Are we like, where are we going? Are we leaving the village of the city? You leave the district. You walk. Wow. And you realize as you pass through the gates through the massive wall that surrounds Argent home, that you were going on a path that,

Queenie once took before. Southeast, sorry, my apology, southwest, towards the mountains, where, Yornear, you would actually become, have been somewhat familiar with this. There are trees,

trees enough to support perhaps the finding of rare truffles. And after a few hours of walking, you do find yourself in this space, and I need you to make a nature check for me. So as we've been walking, as we've been getting kind of higher to the Highlands and there's a great view all around us. We walk in a single file line

and it goes, blah, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. And there's two pigs, the three of us and an elf boy. I can see, I can see the sweeping crane shot now with the rocks and everyone's coming up over the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I have advantage because of my pig sniffing? I would say that you do. Kremise niff and trouble be. Oh, that could have been a lot better. Uh, it's still a 13.

You should have fucking twisted it, man. We should have. I need to... Uh, Wilbur turns to you. Not picking up the centaur, I am trying my best. It's my first time. Is there something in the air I should be attuning to

It takes a lifetime of understanding, of knowing how the roots have a symbiosis with the greatest, the bestest of the truffles. Teach me your ways, Gilbert. I wish to be a great frothel-sniffing pig like you. You are smelling in the wrong spot, and he waxes poetic as he goes from tree to tree, and he watches, as yornier is like perhaps has a spring in a stem and starts to go from root system to root system. smelling out for the exact right conditions that would create these these truffle conditions and I need you to roll a D6 for me I will be keeping an eye out for

any kind of abominations aberrations I am on edge make a perception check for me because of I'm using five twists we very generously have twists to spare. Roll a trip. 22. 22.

22. You are keeping an eye out. Through the trees, you occasionally spy others who are themselves either already digging underneath roots or are being led or leading their pigs through this space. It seems that you've been brought to almost a common grove, very common spot where this sort of treasure might be found. What? Anything else? All right. No abominations except for the

competition. Is this a competition? It's a race? Oh yeah, from my understanding what what a boy over here Grimbone said, you know, we got to find the biggest trouble. Yeah, I think the biggest trouble wins. Is that really? Grimboe. Well, it's not, that's the biggest. I mean, you could find a big one and it could be like all rotten and stuff. So high quality too. The best. All right. Well, Mr. Yorneir and Mr. Wilbur are digging up the truffles. I think we go help out all of the other competitors. You know what? I think Bonobos is right. He's our chieftain after all.

I know, that's right. So maybe you stay here, Grimbone, and keep an eye on our truffle-sniffing pigs, and Bonobos Tyshen and I will do a little helping. as going to cheat. No. Oh, you know, we would never cheat something like this. One quick question, though, before we move any further from that question, is the judging done

by somebody tasting these mushrooms? The Elder Nybloom, she evaluates them as part of the wedding ceremony. We all bring them tomorrow. I turn my back to Grimbone and I lean in closer to our good friends and I say, what she doesn't know is that we have drugs.

Drugs. You, um... That's right. I need you to make a group deception check. Oh, there we go. Deception? Oh, mine's so high. Nine.

I got a 25. 15. Wow. Right on the line. All right, but as long as you guys aren't doing anything like mean, just like, you know, interfering with this, this is our, like, traditions and stuff, all right? Oh, brim bone, we would never.

Do anything mean? No. No, we won't. We won't. We're very respectful of tradition. You guys come back. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right.

Okay. You say you're allowed, keep an eye on the pigs. That's your sacred duty. He does. All right. You turn and you start to make your way through the forest. What did you roll on your D6? A three.

A three. Thank you. You start to smell what Wilbur is describing. I smell it Wilbur. And you start to dig up against the roots into the dirt. You start to pull with your pig hooves. And sure enough, there, once you expose the roots, you can see that there are these small little knots,

these almost fungus-like bulbs that you're able to sniff around and pull out. These aren't brown or chocolate colored, however. Once they've been freed of the dirt, you can see that they almost glow. There's not literally bioluminescence, but just that they have such vibrant colors of this almost like bone white

and blue spotting on the exterior of them. As soon as Wilbur sees it, he goes, terrible, terrible, terrible. This is nothing. This is a pittance. This is... A poor showing. We should move on from here.

There's clearly not enough truffles in this area. What makes these poor truffles? They look just fine to me. The size of them. A little aged. Not quite in their ripest form, I think. Oh yes, you are quite right, yes. I believe I smell the same thing.

We must keep... looking, I think. May I taste one before we go. I'll have the other, if you don't mind. Sheeky bastards. I'm Squidward when he tries the crabby bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, my teeth, and I literally just go to the edge, and I take a, my teeth come in to the truest bite. His tongue hugs the other one, and it disappears into his gullet with a disgusting, swallowing sound. It tastes

good. Actually, from what experience that you've had with truffles, this feels fresh and right. Willber either has excellent discerning tastes, or he's not telling the difference. He's bullshitting you. He doesn't know.

I'm going to look at numbs. Musk. A.K. Rimbone. Yeah. And point at it. Try to get him to collect it. I'll like nudge it to him. Oh, oh. Oh. Yeah, he pulls a satchel out.

He picks it up and he rolls it into his pack. Just in case we need extra. With the way, we'll run right behind you. He starts to snort forward, and I need you to make another nature check. Meanwhile, I'm twisting five times. What are you doing? All right, here's the thing. I was picking up what you're putting down.

But the problem is that everybody knows what we look like. We can't go running around through the woods destroying everybody else's mushrooms. So how are we going to do this with getting away with it and not being found out? We can't kill anybody either. They haven't deserved to be killed. You know, that's be realistic. That's right. What are you thinking?

And what do you have on your mind? The plan is like these are usually what you're going to have. Oh, it's a problem is I can't go running around through the woods even scaring people. Because at the end of the day, they're going to be like that little green guy. He was running a little place scaring people. They're going to know we cheated. That's true. No. What if...

I think I got it. I think I got it. Here, getting close. Ah, that war. No. If only creamy what he had, I mean, we can't even navigate these woods. I was thinking at the very least we could track some of the other people down, follow them, and steal the truffles before they find the good ones.

You, both of you have powerful magics. Sort of, yeah. Do you have the ability to make yourself look like you? yourself look like someone else and sound like someone else. I mean, I do a pretty mean impression, but that's about as good as you get. What he was saying maybe perhaps? Who do you want us to look like? Look like perhaps Nimrodel or someone else that we could pin the subterfusion

Savage. Oh, you want me to do Nimrodel? Okay, hold on, so. It kind of sounds like, um, yeah. Welcome to my inn. Please try my delicious soup. That's pretty good, right? It's like to make it.

It's like you there. It's like, he's there. It's up. My friend. I forgot that. Also, I'm perfect. Oh, you? That's right.

That's right. But you also forgot to say how creamy your soup was. Okay, hold on. All right. There we go. Did you try the soup? And did you notice how creamy it is? Maybe I have.

that it would bring you great enjoyment if we tried to your creamy suit. I would... Oh, yeah. I would... ...appreciate it if you would try my delightful dreamy soup. He's a lot taller than you, though. Ah, well, no, if we don't have an answer for that. Oh, you think?

If we pin it on Whisper Fang, we can turn the cabal against him. Perhaps they can use their magic to have him... him suffer an untowingly death. You think you do a whisperfying? Oh, let me try, hold on. Let me. There we go. My name is his buffet. Would you like to try my delicious soup?

I didn't know he could do so many different impressions. I think he's doing the same thing. There was a... There was a hint of something that was a... You didn't hear the whisper. There was... There was a... See, it's the same thing.

Uh-huh, huh? Not bad, right? I liked it. I liked it. It might not work. I have an idea. Okay, all right. Good are you at hiding my...

How could we hide most of me? Like camouflage, so as big. You know, this is really, this was Quaney's thing. I, you know, I don't know. We might be able, if I can just have me, my hand out, I could let people think that there are forest sharks. And forest sharks is that thing? Why not?

I don't know. I could go in a bush and then go, brr. I don't know how good a plan that is, but I would pay to see that. Well, I can actually be pretty charming. We might be able to set you up in a bush. We invite them to go over saying that we think that some of the best troubles are at this bush. But look out for winter bush sharks, because if you encounter one, you only have three more days to live.

And you, or you have to just, you're going to die immediately. This feels like this is devolving into a terrible prank. Mr. Fireblossom, that suggestion. That's bad I know. It was brilliant! Yes! All right. Let's do it!

All right. I'm going to go out. This bush over here. Make a stealth check. And what did you get for your perception? 25. 25. For the nature.

You are starting to pick up on the notes of nature that Wilbur is clearly picking up on. You're getting accustomed to your pig form. And there are something else that you might not even have picked up, even with your great experience with nature being what it is as you're near. It seems like you are uniquely attuned to this wavelength of the forest. And you start to pass a tree, and then you stop turning. You think that perhaps this is right. You hear Wilbur. Yes, you're starting to do it.

They're doing it, Your Honor. I believe they are here. Dig! I feel the instinct to dig! And I dig. And I dig, and a few moments later you are able to surface. Roll a D6 for me. At D6, please. A one.

I can't twist these, can I? Your excitement turns to disappointment. What is clearly the most ripe and perfect truffle is not the sign. that you might have hoped. It's smaller than the previous truffles. You can tell, though, that

it is an order of magnitude more delicious. Your single bite that you had, I'm not going to tell you what your taste was, but you can tell that those connoisseurs who do enjoy the flavor would have found it to be

terrific. This is going to be a heavenly bite. It just, Wilbur's disappointment is clear in his silence. This is a fine truffle, Wilbur. Do you not agree? Yes, yes, yes. It just unfortunately never grew, never grew to its potential. It's not the size that counts, Wilbur. It's the savor of the flavor. Glenn, Glenn!

Well, that may be true in many other things. In this competition, size counts. Oh no. Must reaches down. reaches down. Good work, Your Honor. I'm trying my best. Adam.

You continue deeper into the woods, and I need to make you an additional nature check. I'm twisting five. I need new D20s here. Hold on, hold on. Barnabose, what did you steal? 22. You just wait until no one's looking. Everyone's looking at roots. Everyone, you feel

very confidently that you have slunk into a bush and that you are a big enough one to conceal your enormous frame. The moment that Barnabos looks like he's concealed, Tyshen and I would commit to memory where he is. And we would immediately try to go see if we can find someone else with the truffle pig looking for truffles. We're with the biggest truffles.

Yeah, we would try to find somebody who looks like they're about to find an amazing truffle. Why don't you make a perception check at advantage because you're talking about it? Help me out. Yeah, help me out. Follow my lead. I'm gazing where you are. Keep your eyes out for anybody who looks like the suit pervert and we'll find what they're looking for. All right?

Oh, let's fucking go. Perception? Got a big old 24. Holy shit, you're right over there! You hear Taijin and yell, holy shit, right over there. Ha! And I look to the rest of the way. There's three feet down.

Almost on a leash, you see a very beautiful young couple who are enjoying seemingly the walk as much as they are enjoying it. And their pig is very excitedly starting to jump almost towards a tree. And they're looking at the pig. You know, I think that this might be a truffle. I think that this might be a really big one based on the excitement of... Okay, follow my lead, all right? Don't miss a beat.

I got a backup. Quickly. Oh, help! and run up to this couple. Help! Please help us! Oh, please! Is everything okay?

No, no, nothing is okay. Not even one thing! We need to help. You need to come with me. You're the ones from the... From outside the city. Yes, and I know. I know that this is very important.

My good friend, Tyshen, he's going to wait here with whatever's happening here to make sure that nothing else happens, and you have to come with me. I'm very good with trouble pigs. He turns... Nannitus, stay here and go. No, both of you! Both of you have to come with me! Make a deception check. I'd like to twist this.

Oh yeah. Can I have five twins? Absolutely. 13, I get a 33. Oh, good. Get the heck out of here, Nanitz. Holy shit. Come on!

It's not a moment's time to lose! There's not enough time, Fanator, let's go! And I start running, the bubble starts chasing... But fast enough where they can chase me and I run back, back to the bush where Barnabos is waiting. They're following you, Tijian. I assume you're jogging along or you know. Truffle pig, trouble big.

Yeah, yeah. You stay behind and you race forward. It was right here. It was right here in the bush. I saw it. What? You have to get closer. Hurry!

I'm screaming. There's almost tears right now. In the bush! In the bush! I will take care of. Both of you! The tiny green man doesn't know what he's doing. And he's...

He starts to step forward, and he gets closer and closer and closer, and you can see him trembling. He looks down, and from the snowy ground, he picks up a huge branch with a bunch of gnarled twigs coming out. A russle in the leaves. And he gets probably within two feet, one feet of you barnabos. And I stick out, like I'm not expecting him. I will stick out both of my hands as gnashing shark heads, as I will then also, cast fall to the cloud. As fall will billow out

and then I'll be sticking crab legs out of the bush. I am a bush shark. You have been marked for death. Leave these hills now and never return. Or I will kill you and your family and eat you whole and double.

You are a... Make a performance taking advantage. I'm at a... I'm at a five to... We got them. Okay, not bad. Performance, you say? Mm-hmm.

Not intimidation? Uh, performance. Oh, you know, intimidation is fine. Thank you. That's totally fine. Thank you, thank you. 13 plus 4 is a 17 plus 5 is a 22. I would say that that is enough.

They are immediately deceived, especially by the addition of a fog machine to your haunted house. I am to tell no one of the bush shark, no one will believe you. One of your hands is a blunt attack as, it does no damage, but a branch breaks off of one of your hands as this elf smacks it. And then he yells, run, run, for the door, run, run! I'm gonna leave a little mip. Oh. After he gets hit, I'm gonna. Make him an attack?

counter attack. Yeah, you know, I'm technically, I'll do a reckless attack. The elf turns and runs. The wolf's like, cool. That'll hit, probably. Natural 24? I rip is thrown out accidentally. Yeah, you hit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just do one little, one little attack, one little attack. You add your rage damage? Yeah. He has more help. Bonnevose! Plus three is six. Six, ten. I'm afraid in your rage you can.

killed him. You, uh, not lethal, non-lethal, not lethal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the shark to you, whipsing his person. Not lethal, not lethal, not lethal. Uh, I will say that you don't close down, but you do smash into his wrist

and the back molars dig in, and you know that you have, um, it definitely, like, drawn some blood, but even if he might have a bruise, it's not going to break a bow or do anything like that. It's too late. This elven couple are shocked and frightened and they give you a quick glance, scrim. Run, run, run! They turn and they bolt in the other direction. I don't know what it is!

I like take three or four steps after them and then I stop and I'm like, alright! I turn back to Barnbo's. That was perfect! Come out, buddy! Don't use the codes clear? Yeah, I think that's gone and Ty Shen stayed back with the treble. I think we got this in the bank. Nicely done, all according to plan. Quirney is going to be so proud of us. Just like we drew it up.

You can hear the screams of the couple screaming, and you can hear Barnabos yelling about bush sharks in his creepy way, but this pig is still focused on the roots beneath the tree. Oh, they sound like they're having fun. What do you do? What do you do? Oh, come on, Pig.

You were just finding a great truffle. Roll a D6 for me. Oh. I swear to put on. Six. I'll kill you. Uh-huh. Oh, my.

I'm so lucky. You reach the graduating truffle like first try. But it can't even get its nose underneath this softball-sized truffle. That you're able to rest free from the roots and, It smells fresh. It seems nice. Seems really nice, yeah. My truffle is perfectly normal. It's the average amongst Dracari and truffle pigs.

You made another nature check. I did, 26. 26. You and Wilbur continue to make your way deeper, deeper into this forest. And it's this time as Wilbur who smells that. I think we may have it. This smells like the biggest cash I've ever smelled.

all my pig ears. I will help, let us do it, let us do it. You do smell it, and you start to make your way. Roll a D6 for me. Please. Two. Two. Wow.

Your nearest never has ever in. Great pig senses. Here's mechanically why the D6s have mattered. Each time you roll, it adds to the previous role that you've done. So your three plus one plus two also equals six. And you do find an additionally large truffle. Whether or not it is as good as Taishen's

is yet to be determined at the judging ceremony. However, you rest down into the dirt and you find this thin, wide, almost flat truffle. Smelling it, it has that same smell as the smallest one that you found. But it is massive and you feel like you've, you've, oh, wow, you're near Wilbur, you, you guys did it. This, this one looks really good. I've never seen one like that in all of my elven years.

Master, did you hear what he said? We have done well this day. Yes, my disciple. I believe we've found the winner. You truly are the president of Trufflewigs. Haroo, your name. Haru. I was secretly hoping that as soon as you already found this, he'd be like,

Blumbleed, you're like, fuck you. Wilbur's back. Did you hear what he said? Did you hear what he said? Yes, he said, blah, blah, blah, blah. You collect your truffles. You eventually reassemble. and you start to make your way back, knowing that through Mus' guidance, that there's still things that need to happen today.

And if we stay here any longer, that there will be no time for what's needed before the dinner. It takes another hour or two before you eventually reach the perimeter, the outer limits of Argentholm. you pass underneath the gate most adjacent to the cursive blade, and you make your way back in towards the center of the place that the elves call home. The owner, how long does your wild shape last? I think like two or four, like maybe four hours at this point. It's pretty crazy. Let me take a look. I think it's half your level in hours.

I think you're right. So, four and a half hours. Yeah. Oh, just holy graze. Yeah. It gets crazier and crazy. And if I need to, I can use it again to extend the duration. So I'm happy to stay in the fore.

I'm sick. Let's go. You are all making your way back. And excited by the victory. And having been on a hunt again, presumably having been on the hunt again for the first time and a long time, Wilbur sort of hangs back. It continues to sniff around. Not that you're around trees anymore. You've transitioned back to getting closer to that outer perimeter of Argentholm.

But it's in this moment that Musn engages the three of you. And Dignor, I think we did really good. We've got two really, really good ones. The one you found is gorgeous and beautiful. Yours smells amazing. I think we're really going to bring a lot of honor to tell you. tomorrow celebration. Well, good, because you'll never believe

that we just stumbled upon our backup truffle. I was just walking around. You found it without a pig? We did, we got very lucky. You know? Yeah. But, you know, three heads are better than one pig, they say. Yeah, yeah. You guys really are amazing.

We're natural, you could say. Well, we have two quick errands that we need to take care of before we make our way to the market where Nimrodel's inn is. We have to go to the tailor, and we have to pick up, like, a gift or something. Can we do that real quick?

Like, we're picking up a gift for Nimrodel? For the bride and groom. Oh, of course, I should have known. Okay, that's fine. The truffle doesn't count as a gift? The truffle is for the celebration, for the whole wedding party. It'll be used in the dishes that we eat.

Oh. All right. That's fine. what kind of gift should we get the happy couple? Well, you have to choose. It's like it's important that it comes from you, you know? Okay. Just the Elder Nightbloom, she wants to make sure that you're perceived as participating.

And so she's making a gesture. She's going to pay for all of it. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Great. We can't say no to that. I'm going to get you guys to the tailor,

and then I'm going to make my way, make sure. that your truffles are all stored safely, and then when you're done, I'll take you, I'll take you to the shop. Okay, say no more. That's right, Mr. Yorne here, well done finding a nice handsome truffle. That'll do, pick, that'll do.

Very impressive. Okay, it's time to shift back out, I presume. Wilbur, thank you. You turn, and Wilbur has been falling farther and farther and farther behind, looking and looking, and looking. and you see a shadow flash over all of you, and you hear a sound as it disappears between two talons,

massive wings having picked Wilbur up off of the field. Clearly, swiping down, the Princess of Wrath immediately grabs Wilbur and disappears into the sky as fast as you saw the shadow flash over you. Wilbur! I'm squealing. Yes, you hear that squealing sound, all of you. Oh, oh, shoot.

What? She must have taken Wilbur. Why? Why would she take Wilbur? I'll shift back in a flash of light. She will pay for this. You see her great wings continue to flap and glide, and she turns towards the forest

and disappears almost into the mountain, fog, going in the same direction that you just came in. In the story's eye was told, I always heard that dragon's favored mutton, not swine. You think she's gonna eat him? It is a near certainty. I don't know why a dragon would make off with such small fare, although I suppose he was a big pig, eh? She has an entire kingdom. She has an entire kingdom of people to bring her food.

Why would she... Why would she have hunted Wilbur? Are we just here to suffer? Is there no good in this world? What have we done in a past life that we've been forced to be punished like this? Why are we here? I told you guys. Only to suffer?

He's not very nice. This is like eternal hell. He was the president of Truffle Pigs. The president? Yes. You spoke to him? I did. I spoke to him for hours.

Four hours. That's traumatizing. I should say. This isn't funny, Barnabas. One moment he was there. And then suddenly he were gone. We'll avenge you. President Wilbur.

I'm gonna be honest with you guys. This is like three of the worst things that have ever happened to us on this God-forsaken landmass. And I'm including the Hell Lighthouse. Maybe top 50. I'll give you that. Top 50. Certainly, certainly Mr. Stavis-Kosh. But remember, he was just a pig. I'm just gonna say it. He was just a pig. He was not just the pig. No, yes, he was. It was...

You take that back! You take that back! She just swooped in right behind her! I'm gonna say, he makes a fine side of bacon. It was some pig. And that's the worst part, is that if he was getting ready to die of old age or natural causes, we were the ones that could have turned him into sausage. Or pork, or gubbacool.

What? Oh, Capicole. It was one charming pig. pig. I don't think I can go on. I think this is it. The straw that broke old Scrim's battle. I know this is the circle of life.

Yes, that's true. Dragons eat other creatures. This is natural, but he was a good friend. Never. Thank you, Scrim. Oh yeah, and just think of the... The silver lining, Mr. Yornear, when we see Daisy next, a young lady you can say, Daisy, did I ever tell you

about President Mouber? And he was a good friend. Yes, his name will live on through stories of his... You know what, Mr. Yornear? The Iceborn have not designed their heraldry yet, have they. I believe we have not. I think that perhaps we can immortalize your friend in such a visage. Yes, chief and I would leave this up to you.

If you wish to honor him in such a way, I do. It would bring me some solace, yes. I do. The Iceborne will feast in the honor of Wilburne. Wilbur this evening, perhaps on truffle and, I don't know, kale and quinoa or whatever these fucking owls eat. Ooh, quinoa. There, there, there.

Smoke the pipe, boy! You continue to make your way as you grieve. This is the worst day we've had on the car. And you... Eventually, it must leave you to a small little shop. Looking into the windows, you can see these very simple but beautiful robes, simple in their overall shape, but clearly finally made and with elaborate but delicate patterns that are only subtly visible when up close.

And you walk in through the door, must taking his leave. disappearing into the streets to take the truffles to wherever they are housed before the judgment that they are given the next day. Inside you see the many shelves, the many cubbies, the many hooks and hangars that would be familiar to you in many of the places of civilization that you might have enjoyed. This is surprisingly urban for all of your experience in Dracar, and you hear a younger man's voice yell out. Hello. Who goes there? We are the ice born, the new tribe in the city,

and we come bearing large, meaty truffles. Oh, I... I'm just a trailer. I'm here to make sure that you have all you need to wear tomorrow. Oh, Elder Night Bloom said that you'd be on your way. Glenn has the truffles. Oh, that's true. Glenn has the truffles. Young Mr. Mustard Seed, I suppose we should call him.

He prefers to go by must, though none of us call him that. Young Mr. Mustard Seed. I like that. I think that's... I think that he should own it. I've called him Glenn since he was a young man. Well, uh, who's first? Let's just get this over with.

My heart is heavy. with grief. There's... You'll have to forgive my crew. We just suffered a loss of some pig. I'm sorry to hear that. The princess made off with our truffle pig. His name was Wilbur, if you

ever met him. I did know that one of our truffle pigs was named Wilbur the oldest. He was old and yet strong. You don't understand. Why, he's beyond his years, also. If anyone is raving about a string

monster in the hills, they should probably be locked up. I haven't heard tell of anyone seen any monsters or anything. Madness. Yeah, winter's madness. Raving through the winter exactly. Snowblind madness. Winter is here after all anyway. The wilderness is a dangerous place. So all you need to get in new skivis. Well, I'll make you an outfit and when you arrive tomorrow then you can put them on and you'll be looking Well, what do we have to do? You just need to stand here

while I measure you. Okay, while you measure me, will you ask about Wilbur? Because I'd like to elaborate. If you're offering to go first. Sir Jim, he's gone and no one cares. Yes, I will go first. Look around, no one cares that he's gone. I'll go first.

It's not that we don't care, sir. You're living like nothing has happened. We are... There's nothing we can do this, to your name. too. Exactly right. It's an ancient white dragon, Mr. Yornear. Mourn him his memory. Oh, he said we will honor him in our heraldry.

Oh, the ice-born. Ancient white dragon, you act like that's an obstacle. I actually call you. Not for Wilbur. Not for Wilbur. You're led. You're like pulled almost by this young elf. And he puts you.

puts you down into, not puts you down, sitting, but puts you into a spot, facing a variety of reflecting mirrors. And, yeah, he just shoots you in the face. I don't know. He, and he immediately holds up your arms. And he's, and he's measuring the size of your shoulder and the length from here to here and here to here.

What's your name? It's Benetor. Benetor. What? What? Benator. Benator. You don't understand.

You'll never understand. We shared a moment. You should have looked into his eyes. He had kind eyes. Yes. He's like the first time I heard the Beatles. He's going around the chest now. Do you have any preferences in an outfit?

No. I don't know how young you are. You're very strange looking. I don't look very good in yellow. Not in yellow. That's all. Okay. No yellow.

No yellow. Am I done? Are we done here? Just a moment. Round the waist, in seam. Taylor, poet. Should have known. He's spool.

Okay, you're all set. I think I have what I need to make you look fabulous tomorrow. He did seem to linger on the inside. I'm going to look at this guy and sneer a little bit. With a little bit of swagger. And then I'm going to walk back out to the rest of the gang and say, It's the only measurement

he had to redo three times. I'm done. Whoever's next. Watch out for the end scene. Then I'm going to collapse into a chair nearby. You fall into a chair and the other three of you

get in line and he starts taking each of your measurements. It's just not too tight, not too tight. I can barely get my arms around your waist. The tail was I got a bit of Storm giant blood in me, eh?

Storm giant, too sorry. Would you believe that if someone told you? You get the measurements that, it takes a longer while than scrim. And, Tyshen, you're near, you're just standing almost weaning. When that's the sixth time, you're going to take that. Ah, the incident seems very important. Don't stop now.

Keep going. All right, Spooleber. If you're gonna start the job, finish it. You're listening to them, you're grieving. You're mourning the sound, the memory of Wilbur. That's all right. That's all right. This session is ruined.

That shit is wrong, he says. Don't they kill Wilmer, you fuck. You shit, you deserve those. He was taken away. What do you want? I'm mourning. You sit down and it takes you a minute to realize that you're sitting down next to somebody. You're sitting down next to an elderly else, or at least a decrepit one.

He's silent and rocking back and forth, a blanket just over his lap, and he's sort of staring forward. You hadn't noticed coming into the shop, but having swung back, around, he'd been hiding almost in the corner behind the shelves and you seem sort of like rocking in this in this silent way and you can hear this sort of murmuring, this humming, this singing for lack of a better word underneath his breath. I'm sorry. I didn't see you there, y'all, permit. Just like watching me, we'll get the fresh. voice he sort of twitches for a moment and he doesn't react at all nothing happens

we move on with the scene the rest of you enjoy chairs strangely placed why my city what is this vantage oh I see I haven't seen a two-way mirror since Galtaica the four of you finish your tailoring and you hear the door open. Must makes his way inside and Benator, he, Oh, must have seed. Must, must, must, must. I'm sorry. They're all set. Everyone's ready to go.

Okay, sounds, sounds good. You guys told them what you liked and what you didn't like? It's best I could with such a heavy heart. It's gonna be okay. I'm not so sure it will. must, not so sure it will. Well, I... Wait till tonight.

It's gonna be okay. Everything makes me think of him. Just no keen walk, please. All right. We're fitted for the wedding. Come on. And you are led out. And just a few streets down,

he takes you to what is very obviously a sort of combination store slash grocer. This is a, not like the kind of fresh goods that you would find in a marketplace like what you initially crashed into, but instead a place for more preserved goods. When you walk in through the door,

you can see glassware and ceramics, all clearly containing supplies for the long term. cooking instruments all along the wall. This is a place where very finely made tools of instruments for cooking might be procured or the highest quality preserved goods. You hear the sound of a very old woman as she walks up. Hello, hey, you are the newcomers. told that you might be visiting. Yes, we're here to secure a gift for the wedding tomorrow night.

Ah, yes. I am told that I will be compensated for whatever you fancy giving the wedding couple, please. So is it just one gift from all of us? We just kind of pick one thing? I think that a gift from each of you would be fine, unless it's something that you think you want to join in. Okay, well here, all right, real quick. Gut check, gut check. All right. Would it be inappropriate if I were to try to pass off a cursed coin onto the lovely couple? Maybe breaking another curse in the process.

A cursed coin, yeah. Yeah, just, you know, gut check. She is sort of walking with a bit of a limp. Did I hear you correctly cursed? Curced coin as in, as in dark dark magic. Why would you do this as a day of celebrations? Just a gut check. I was just looking for a gut check.

That's all I was just asking you. Oh, you're just joking. Ha! We think we'll each pick out a gift that will be representative of our own nature. Do you know the couple well? Oh, yes, they are a beautiful couple, so beautiful and so in love. Well, you run such a beautiful shop. Do you have any insights on what they might love?

what they might love? Have they been in before? Have they wanted for something? That is not the purpose of the gift. The purpose is to fill your life with the objects of that represent those that you know and love. What kind of pervert are they? If they were a pervert, I would say they are love perverts. Love perverts. You can't make this shot? You got one of those in the tailor shop. Oh, yes.

Benetor. He does stick around on the infeem, doesn't he? Ah, this is just getting worse and worse. Oh. All right. We'll take a look at your wares, and I guess we'll pick out, and according to the bartering system,

We'll just take it, I suppose. You look around, and as I described, you don't see any meats or anything along those lines, but you see heirloom grains, beans, anything that has a long shelf life that you might want to find. Glass vials of expensive seasonings, all on very small shelves along one wall. You do find Barnabot's some animal products

in the form of pickled eggs, hard cheeses, that kind of thing. And there's a wall, like I said, of kitchen wares, of all shapes and sizes, and you can start to browse around and make your selection in this way. Okay, all right. How about a nice soup spoon?

Anybody got a nice soup spoon? Every good young couple needs a nice ladle or a soup spoon. Bar and the boss, what is this kitchen implement used for? It is a strange shape that it starts narrow and it goes wider, but then it has a flared this at the end. What is the purpose of this?

A mashing cauliflower. Do you grab it this way and mash this way, or do you grab it this way? This is for citrus juice. Oh, I thought for sure I was gonna be a juicer. You cut an orange or something along those lines, and then you can really make sure the pulp is freed. The pulp is freed.

Yeah, from the juice, exactly right. I've never used the juice to look like that. I use the orange crushes in the tiki bar. I will choose this. Oh, there's this like you. This is handy. You'll never lose it. I'm just looking for a soup spoon or a ladle or something.

You know, I don't really want to put too much thought into it. Oh, oh, I have a very fine needle. I think they would most like matching the set they bought a few years ago. She looks over and glances at a cane that is leaning up near the exit, the entrance of this shop, and then turns towards Mus. Must, would you mind getting the ladder? I need to reach the shelf here. Thank God you asked Must to do it, because I was going to say I look at the cane.

I look at her and it's like, what are you waiting for? Before you can get that out, Musk pulls out a stepstool and goes up and pulls a copper like ladle, like a beautiful seat ladle up. Great, it's beautiful. Wrap it up. I don't love it. Mr. Follier, Blossom, what are you thinking?

Well, there's only really one thing I know with any sort of expertise, and that's a warm drink. You think they have any... They didn't have any tea or any leaves from the land you could turn into such a thing? Me? You asked? I'm just, I'm seeing the same where as you are, Mr. Flair, Blossom.

Your mind goes to tea, perhaps a little bit more imagination. I know that that's why, I understand why that be your first choice. You mean like a tea cup? Perhaps a set? For, remember, it is a young couple. Oh, yeah. Deeply in love so much that they've been dubbed love verbixt. Can you believe he was fitted for his tugs forty-seven times?

What? What? The need, I don't understand. You'd think you would have gotten the measurements in the first time? The shadow passes over you, and Tyshen gets picked up by two talents. Well, you know, it doesn't hurt as bad as we lost, Wilbur. Mour me like Wilbur. What they say, measure 42 times gut once. again dear

another tuxino thing the stick needs to be perfect gets me to it and don't ask questions tired this time really pull that

in if you know what I mean yes I think you're right Bonobos a nice T-set for hosting another lovely couple we have a selection of beautiful t sets and though they are unfamiliar in design they do look like they are well-made high the highest quality is there anything

that stands out to me like anything that is even reminiscent to me of the dragon glass like my teapot make a perception or investigation check seven seven with a seven I will say that none of these materials feel like the glass that you're familiar with

the unusual process that mainly happen to not master but get right when making the teapot that you carry on your own person but the offerings do intrigue you

there are almost cast metal teapots with a few smaller teacups, that sort of thing. And they're glossy sets that almost reflect. They look ceramic to you, but the fact that they have a reflective quality of them does give you almost a vague mirror reflection of the kind of like pure glass tea set that you're familiar with. I'd focus towards those and just select whichever one makes me feel the most like home. You find one that it's the color that draws you in.

It's not necessarily the shape. Everything still feels very alien and foreign to you in this land and in the context of the people that you're engaging with, certainly. But with the color, it's not a minty green, it's a pastel green and it reminds you of a very young tea leaf when it's just, just starting to sprout and emerge well before it needs to be plucked, but something speaks

to you in that way. I think this one will do. Something to keep them warm when the winters turn cold. Very nice, very nice. I'll pack it for you. Thank you. Thank you. She gets to work wrapping it and essentially putting everything that you've selected into appropriate sized packaging. Very dexterously putting everything together. No twine or anything required. Everything is done through a series of folds and interwrappings. What about you, Barnabas?

Oh, you this young couple to be betrothed. Are they... Do they care that much for each other? By all appearances, they are deeply, deep. Deeply, deeply in love. That is not always the case. That's what I feared in a place like this. Oh, yes, they're very lucky, but just look into their eyes, into their hearts.

They only have sight for each other. I'd like to large wooden bowl, so they may share their meals with each other and their community. That's what a young married couple does. A must, if you would, just up here. And she leads him to the back of the store. And when she returns, she comes back with a beautiful, wide bowl. This one has clearly been made of multiple pieces of wood and almost forged together.

It has this criss-cross pattern that interweaves as though it hadn't been made from one tree but many. and it looks like a community in the way that it is bonded together in that way. Might I bring this back tonight and perhaps wrap it before the ceremony? It is our tradition that the gifts are presented during the wedding. But if you keep it a secret, I wouldn't mind you taking it and wrapping it yourself.

I'm going to make some improvements. What kind of improvements? I'm going to carve designs on the side. And I'll finish it, I'll get polished up if you have any wood polish. It is very thoughtful. That is very nice. Yes, yes, of course, of course, of course.

Find craftsmanship, Liz. There is a sense of pride in the craftsmanship of that bowl. And when she heard that you were willing to invest so much of yourself in this, she willingly parts with the bowl. And you're easily able to, in her arms, it's massive. For someone like you, it is. just a little bigger than the cast iron pan that's hung on your back for so long. All right.

Do you really have time for this, Barnabas? Well, in the night hours, while you're carving your dice, I'll be carving this. Just give them this meat tenderizer. They've got a rope that has all these wooden beads on. That's, uh, uh, yes, meat tenderizer, why not? All right. No, the bowl is fine.

No. I thank you. If that's everything, I'll make sure that this stays here and we don't have to carry it. I'll have everything ready for you in the morning when we start the celebration. Great, wonderful. Make sure they get the salad fork or whatever. Salad fork? Goodbye.

Yeah, whatever I chose. Make sure they get it. It's made sure it's from scrim. I want to get credit. You say your goodbyes. You make your way out and must turn to you. All right. It looks like it's The sun's about to set, so we need to start making our way

to the market. Is that part of the YME is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And are we going to find out about the truffle contest? Is that way? We're going to find out. The travel contest is judged during the wedding ceremony tomorrow. Gosh, the anticipation is killing me. Are we adding to the dinner tonight? We're going to have the dinner tonight, yeah. And then tomorrow is the actual wedding. All right. way.

All ready. Mr. Mustard seed? Must. Mr. Mus? He does lead the way. And you start to walk. By the way, you start to walk. By the time you have made it, the long journey on foot to the marketplace and then making

your way north, you start to recognize milestones, start to recognize buildings. Buildings that when you first saw them had been seen in something of a pack. panic because you had crashed into an inn or into a tavern and weren't sure of your place or what to do in this strange new city. But now you're passing by dwarves and minotars. You're passing by white cobales who are all giving you this look of curiosity, these looks of knowing, knowing that your reputation, the naming that came with you, the fact that the princess has decreed

that you are under her wing. All of these things sort of weighing down upon you while you also continue the long, hard journey of self-forgiveness and grief that comes with Wilbur's death. And you...

I'm completely unbally my Wolverstaffir. Oh. But you see a familiar sight. The inn where you met, first met Nimrodel, the one that you decided on champs. to jump into to see if you could find asylum in this strange space and you push your way in

and a number of faces all turn towards the door simultaneously all elven you see nimrodel standing there you see a young couple you see uh some more elderly elves it seems that there's a a whole gathering here um you've just passed a sign that says private event tonight and in the center you see an ancient elf, long silvery white hair. And she's sitting at the end of a long table, clearly seated for everyone present. You hear her voice call out as soon as you jump in and silence falls on the room.

I am Rosemary Night Bloom. I'm very, very happy. meet each of you. And that is where we'll call tonight's session. I would like to die. They all would. They all would. That's their ultimate wish.

They can't have it. Oh, there it is. Thank you, Derek. Gotta give it on. Yeah, got to give it on. That was very fun. Thanks for run the session, Derek. Oh, Wilbur.

I had a terrific time. That was super cool. I'll never forget him. It was fucked up, Derek. I'm not going to let you get away with that so easily. That was very surprising. Thank you so much. Much for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast.

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