Legends of Avantris - Icebound | Side Story 2 | A Story For Another Time

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

In this special one-shot adventure, we join the guardians of the great silver dragonborn civilization just as they inherit their sacred duty. Watch as these loyal protectors keep their honor-bound vigilance, even as they change along with the tomb...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/hx1C8avDBbY?si=6Wx6bgPwYXla1wT2

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Derek Hudson and you're listening to Icebound. Before we dive into tonight's session, we're going to have to figure out who we are in this new story, in the tales of Icebound. And to begin, you'll each need to take one of these character sheets and pass them down. Is it random?

They're all identical. These are templates. We're going to modify one. Can I condemn this man to slavery? Why do you want? I do not see his hand. Additionally, don't name yourself. Do nothing until I tell you to. Pass those over to Rich. I wish I had brought a pen.

Oh. Pass those over to me. I'm gonna see if I have one. Pass those over to yourself. They don't work. Pass those over to you, Mikey. And if you need a pen... I didn't realize that. I was gonna bring a whole bunch of pens and I was gonna replace all the ones in the park. I was gonna do the same thing you did. You're ahead of me. Oh yeah, yeah, give me one of these... I just dropped a bunch of G2 pilots on the table. I hate G2 pilots. unpopular opinion. You just like being contrary? No, I just, gel pens, they

smudge. They do smudge. Well, I mean, give them a second to dry. Oh, no, I can't. No, this is the... I can imagine if you're left-handed, you wouldn't like them, but... No, they just, they smudge. Now, let's roll for your names. We don't have to fight. We're going to roll for your names. Oh, my God. We're rolling for our names.

No, Andy and I are far fighting right now. Okay, yeah, that's right. Roll a D-20. Oh, okay, we said Rich. Oh, did he? Yeah, just rich. Oh, shit. Oh, okay. I'll just... Roll at the 20. I'm sorry. We'll finish this later. Rich and I are fighting.

I need to roll your knee dice. Ha, ha. Ha. From diamond dust on that scene. Peace, Pse, ha. Oh, oh. Five, piece.

Okay, roll another one. 17. And roll another one. Can we just do this every session from here on out forever? I don't want to do any other kind of D&D ever again. 19. 19.

Okay, one moment. Guys, I think we need to be more professional now. No, no, get the fuck out of here. I'm wearing a hoodie. I'm going goblin. We should have makeup. And pre-recorded everything. I'm Gremlin corner today.

Imagine we have a makeup person. This is Rich's name. This is Rich's name. Andy, roll a D20 for me three times. Tell me what you get. Yes, sir. 13. I don't like the way you're laughing.

15. Yeah. 11. Okay. Wow. Let's find out what you are. Ooh, that's all right. Okay.

And 11 is... Okay, do whatever the fuck you want. With that information, um... What are you made? Roll a D20 for me three times. 12. Yeah. 20.

Ooh, nice. Got to give it up. And 12. And 12 again. Okay, that's going to be... This isn't a name. That's not a name at all. Mesa's name is Poopi-Poo.

Based on what I got, that's probably impossible. I cannot believe what you got. And Mikey, 3D20 for me. 12, 3, 10. Okay. Do you re-roll in. Chopin, Chaudet. Not at this time.

Instead, I'm giving you each a new task because I finish up your name. Turn the mic towards your face, Mike. Oh, yeah, I turned the way. Am I good? Do I need to drink? Uh, pointed at your face. Yeah, because. Okay.

Makes putting on you loose in the study. Good luck. Yeah, if it's not loose. You can decide if you have a nickname or some other name, Mikey here. If you have a nickname or if you go by a shortened name or modify it, how you want, but those are your given names, let's say. Now, on the two white index cards that I gave each of you.

Oh, two white index cards. I gave you two white index cards. I lost mine. Okay. I don't have extras, May, so. Wait, which one? White one? The two white ones?

Two white ones. Okay. Write a character trait on one and write a character trait on the other. It's going to be any kind of personality trait. Something like Prissy or patient or...

So the archetypes from Animal Crossing. Any kind of attribute or a feature. Jock would be a good one, sure. What are the other ones? Sisterly. Anything that comes to mind. I've never played Animal Crossing.

So I just write it large on one card? large one trade on one card and one trade on the other side I'm getting the feeling you guys didn't do it this way last time no no we just rolled straight in okay we got a chance to make our own characters so they're so good good I'm kidding I'm kidding just picking the nests of your character right now um I don't know wait they have to be two character traits a character trait on a character trait on the other and they can be different like opposites they can be opposite they can be obvious Anything that you consider to be the trait of a character that defines their personality that helps, like it might be almost like a role play prompt, right? Something that motivates you or is, you know, you could be aggressive, or you could be timid, or you could be ambitious, or you could be jaded, or you could be, you know, there are lots and lots of traits. And I'm comfortable with you pulling out a phone and Googling that.

This is where the fun begins, as they say, in fact. Pod racing. Different movies. Don't doubt me. All right, I wrote one down. Mike's never looked at me with such disappointment before. Okay. Okay, let me know when everyone, give me a thumbs up when you're ready. Mike is ready. I'm almost ready. Mace, are you on your way or are you ready? I'm doing Googling character treats. Do it, do it, no, that's fine. If we are having the same character trait, can we change it if we find out we have the same ones?

Yeah, I'd say so. Okay. But just hold on your various tattas. This is hard, teacher. It is hard. It is hard. I'm here to find a table. Here are you on my name.

Sir La Table. Probably not yet. Oh. You can if you want to. Okay, well I run out of my character sheet. Okay. There are very, there are very few rules to this except the rules that I make up. Okay.

Understood. Oh, there's two L's in the middle. I'm just going to stick that. I'm just gonna stick it out. Based on your pen strokes, I don't think we have the same one for that one, and I don't think we have the same one for that one either. All right.

I think I got a thumbs up from Rich. You're ready? You're ready? You're ready? We're all ready? Okay. Pass one character trait to your left and pass the last to your right. You can decide. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. I'm giving you that one. Oh my God.

I can't read your handwriting. What does that say? Just give me a little bit. This is, you're killing me, Mike. You're fucking killing me. Oh, damn it. All right, now you have another index card, a yellow index card.

On this, you need to write a secret, something that someone else will know about you. And I'm going to tell you right now that we're going back far. This isn't the current modern day of Icebound. We're going centuries, millennia ago. You will all be playing Silver Dragonborn in the empire that once was, Andrakar.

You will be part of the Royal Guard. So that gives you a little bit of context as to who you are. But you've lived a whole life. You've had families. You've had, what is something that your brothers would know about you? Something that- Is it a secret or do people, people would know

or people wouldn't know if it's a secret? I wouldn't say it's a secret. It's something that your brothers would know. But maybe not everyone would know. Could it potentially be based off of these two new traits that I have now? You can use those for inspiration if you want to, We are the king's guard?

You are the king's guard. Well, the emperor's garden. The emperor's guard. Since it's an empire. On yellow or green? Yellow. Or blue? Green?

Yellow. Just make up a background detail. And it doesn't have to be huge. It doesn't have to be major. It's something that, uh, uh, uh, perhaps a, uh, yeah, something, something that only someone who knows you would know. I'm writing this in very legible font in case, whoever gets it. I have a pretty good one.

Let me know when everyone's ready. Give me the thumbs up, thumbs up. Mikey's almost done. Andy's still working. Thanks for watching the Derek creation process. They're like with one-page RPGs to do this.

Okay, I am writing this though as it pertains to me. So if it gets passed. That'll be pretty funny. Yeah, it'll be weird. It's going to be a little weird. If you think that's not going to past. You got another thing coming. Okay, well, good luck you.

Oh, man. I have a pretty epic secret. Okay. This is a secret. Someone roll up 1D4 for me. Oh, boy. This is fun. Yeah. Let something. I got it. I'm dead. I'm dead. Yeah, sausage

died, so we need to do it. I feel like I should rewrite mine. Four. So you're going to pass your yellow card. Four to the left, which means that they stay in your hands. wait seriously all right I was making my

more just more generic no no no no no it would have been one two three four you know you got a three it would have come back to you you got a three well then pass to your right because that would be three to the left wait no he's saying past your right

it's three to the left is that way yeah yeah I give you more I shouldn't have confused of them everyone passed their their yeah we just jumble up and pull him out of a... Sure. Why not?

I know. But because then people might get what they... It needs to be three to the left for it. I think that's pretty funny. Three to the left is one to the right. Oh, one, two, three. That's what I'm saying. Mace's got it. Andy should have...

Mace has got it. No. Was this yours, Andy? No. That's fine. I just gave mine to Rich. Okay. All right. No, hold on.

Oh, no. We're good. Three to left. One, two, three. I just made it more generic so anybody could RAP. You should have mine. It's you left. You just gave me yours, didn't you? No, no, no, no.

Oh, dude, Jesus. Okay. Is that, is that mine? Green card. Green card. Green card. Your greatest achievement. Oh, God.

Oh my God. This is perfect. It's so fitting. It's so fitting for what I wrote. Wait, wait, greatest achievement. Yeah. Greatest achievement. What was that thing that you were known for that was just fucking epic?

Everyone would have known about this. This is like your chatcake moment in your life, even though you were most of the time noble and courageous and fearsome warrior, defender of the emperor, you also had other things, or perhaps even you were the fastest through training or you were the youngest who graduated to become a Kingsguard.

Whatever you want to write. Is it as a greatest achievement as a Kingsguard? No, it can be any greatest achievement that your character is in life. Yeah, yeah. I was some, like, icebound lore

I can, like, bake into this, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Mine has absolutely nothing to do with ice-bound. You must be a real threat in the muck-tuck-eating cut.

The greatest achievement. How do you spell muck-tuck? M-U-K-T-U-K. I've definitely gone off the rails a little bit. Yeah, no, mine's incredible. I should have really stepped it up with my yellow card. I should have really stepped it up with my yellow card.

I should have called on what was happening sooner. This is a pretty good one. As soon as you're done, Rich, we're nearly finished. There's only one more step out for this, and then we can... Okay. We're out of cards. Oh, there's a little one. No, that's her name.

That's the name. Okay. Okay. Someone roll a D4. I'm on it, and he's on it. Two. Pass two to the right. Once.

Once. And then twice. Nice. See? Easy money. Easy money. Last thing, and this can go on your character sheet. Ah, you got hot.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. We're not quite a lot. It's just an hour and a half of this, which we're all fine with. God, that was surprising. You can put this underneath your stat block, underneath your attack. You have a special move, and you're going to write this right on your character sheet. I'm telling you, I'm projecting, I'm foreshadowing.

This is not getting passed around. This is what you get to choose for yourself. Now that you know your greatest achievement, what others know. what others know about you, your brothers, you have your characteristics, you have your name. Now that you have this rounded character who definitely is a three-dimensional person in the fiction of this reality,

you get to choose your special move. What is your special move that you do? You can pick whatever weapon you happen to be a master of, and you get to, oh, I'm the, you know, you can do some amazing spear attack, or you can do some unbelievable sword thing, purely for flavor. But this will be your big,

master move. It's your limit break of sorts. What is your limit break to use the Final Fantasy 7 parallel? Thanks for Barrettin with us, folks. The creation process in real time. You wanted us to do both of those in one session last weekend, this week in a single session? Oh shit. Well, I added to the creation process because I had a little bit more time. I knew that we would need to fill a little bit more time. So I fleshed things out. out of middle.

This is, oh, I need to, I need to, um, I got the exact same personality trait twice, so I will double. Wait, really? Oh, that means, oh, wow. We're really, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be double the personality. Double stupid.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now that you've had some time to familiarize yourself with your characters, with your special moves, with your special moves, you have a deep understanding of who you are and what to call yourself. Let's dig into the session proper. Oh man, we need to keep our libres. This is fucking badass. My l'librin is the best.

This is not the time of Yornear and Queenie and Barnabose and Scrib and Tyshen. Centuries in the past we go now. Millennias, perhaps. We go back far, far, far into the past. to the capital of the empire of the silver dragon born. You've flirted, and as a party, you guys certainly, have come across the wastelands and the ruins of their structures, the occasional monolith with navigational symbols, the incredible statues that had been destroyed,

hiding these passages into the mountains, small towns, these evidences that traced back long ago. And you've even met the druids who considered themselves in some way as part of that same empire. But we go back now to tell this story, far, far, far back to the capital city of Argentholm. The space, the center of this empire.

of all of the amazing territory that they claimed, and they could claim almost all of Dracar at the height of their empire. We join the Silver Dragon-born Empire in the final days of its... just before its collapse. Four, the four of you are climbing up a center mountain, a mountain just at the center of this capital city.

It is itself surrounded by a lake, joined by two bridges that stretch out to either side. There are mountains on one side, a great forest to another, and a massive castle that rings this mountain. But you are headed towards its peak. For you, our sworn Kingsguard, for lack of a better word, Empire, Emperor Guard. He is off trying to rally the troops to try and stop what else. siege is happening. But you know to meet him at the top, for he has a special and sacred duty for the four of you. Looking around from your vantage point as you are just ascending towards the peak of this mountain, you can see the devastation of this siege. There is no army

seizing this city, not even a handful of monsters, creatures, just one. You are looking out and you can see a great white dragon, an ice dragon that has been terrorizing and killing the people, the families, the clans, the tribes that you all have known and loved your entire life, but so relentless her onslaught, so devastating her attacks, and so powerful her magics and strength,

there's been nothing to stop her, and it seems that Argentholm will fall, perhaps today, perhaps tomorrow. You look across the frozen ice of the lake, You look towards the towns, and you can see her landing and crushing, tearing up whole rooftops. You can see spears and magics attempting to sway her, and she immediately swoops out of the distance. You can see bodies being torn and thrown up. You can see her great breath as it crashes through the streets of this place that you've known and called home for so long.

And you wonder what it must feel like to be down there. You can only faintly hear the sounds of that clash, those battles. those brethren and sisters on the wind, so far away and far up you are from your vantage point. It's now that you start to come to the crest of this mountain, and it's here that I need you to each. Tell us, who are you? What should we call you?

A little bit about yourself, if you don't mind. I call last. Andy, why don't you go first? Am I just reading everything about me? The cards, everything. Just introduce yourself the way that you want to introduce your character. have to reveal everything, nor do you have to, you could just go with name and a little, like, something.

However you want to introduce yourself, it's your choice. My only question would be, no wrong answers. Before I do that, have we all known each other for a long time? Yes. You would have trained together. Go to school together. You have fought together. You've gone to school together.

Yeah. You have, you are intimately familiar with each other. You would call each other brothers. Okay. And the same is true for the emperor. This is not a, um, uh, uh, uh, position that an emperor takes lightly. You also know that this is a younger emperor.

His father was killed a year ago, and he ascended to the throne because of the initial attacks that the dragon brought. But for all the mysteries and strangeness and violence that she is bringing, that is where you find yourself as you continue to make your way up the snowy peaks of this mountain. All right. My character's name is Masarer. That's spelled M-A-S-A-R-E-R. Masarer. Okay? Okay. You guys would know that as we've grown up together, that, you know, Masar, he's a little snooty, but he's definitely a lot unhinged.

You know, he's got kind of a screw loose, you know. Like, he's kind of a wild card. You never really know what to expect from Massar. and people might think that that's because there's a very common rumor that kind of goes around this falling kingdom that Massar is the son of the emperor and a cheese monger's wife. He's a bastard. That's really good. And he doesn't want to believe it. He definitely has a combo. Well, like, Simon, he really doesn't work out.

And, you know, the snootiness, the unhingedness, you know, that's kind of a, there's a bit of a veil or a front that Massar might put up because he likes to talk about himself a lot and he likes to tell stories that you guys have all been around him for forever, that you are always kind of like, wait a minute, I don't think it happened that way, or I don't really remember that it happening that way. And it's because it all stemmed from when the prettiest girl at the ball in fourth grade danced with Massar and he never let any of you all live it down. And from there, things just kind of sort of

He started firing out of control. And, you know, Massara really lost control of his life after that day. And, yeah, other than that, I would say that, you know, we're all warriors. He's tall, well-built. What's your weapon of choice? Two-handed great sword. A two-handed great sword. Yeah, yeah.

He's a swordsman for sure. Yeah, that's all I got. Terrific. Thank you so much. Mikey, tell us a little bit about your character. Hey! I knew it. My name's Ladle, Ed.

You can just call me Ladle for short. I grew up in a soup house. My folks were the masters of mucktuck stew. So I ate a whole lot of mucktuck. I'm so cheerful. I'm double cheerful. I'm double cheerful and optimistic. So I'm not too worried about this dragon.

I'm sure everything will turn out fine. And you know, and so what I know, is that the key to a good mucket up steam is that you just got to use cheese just past expiration. You know, that's my secret, I think. What's your name? My name is ladle, spelled ladle. You can ignore the L-E-L at the end.

Ladle Lel. My parents were meavers on Reddit and unfortunate time. What's your weapon of choice? My weapon of choice is a giant ladle. that I've reflavored from a mom and I'm double cheerful and optimistic and my greatest achievement is that I'm so good at eating mucktuck

I won second I mean I won silver medal and a mucktuck eating gummed out and that's the best one because we're silver dragon mold. That is true. That's canonically true. That's canonically true. Go into second place I got first which is silver. I got a cheery.

giant fucking spoon. So I eat a lot of mucktuck, which if you don't know, it's made from whale blubber. I came from a long lot of harvesters of whales. Anyway, everything's going to be fine, folks.

Thank you, Mikey. Mace. Tell us a little bit about your new character. My name is... Mucketucket. My name is... We'll say Lays E. Ness. Which one was

Whits here again? The whites are the character traits, and one of them is sort of what your brothers, your Kingsguard, know about you, as like a more private or personal detail of your path, and another is an achievement, something that anyone in the empire would effectively know of you had they heard your name.

I don't know how else to say this, but laziness once ate 110 feet of hot dog in one sitting. The old food, babe! You can tell. Oh, 110 feet. 110 feet. 110 feet of hot dog in one setting.

He's a hungry boy. Wow. But how two it was. Yeah, you didn't take a single bite. You just dropped it in. They were all linked too, right? So they just... I can't take this.

She's eating 110 feet of hot dog in one setting. You'll also know that he's incredibly sure of himself. Any time you've battled together. of battle together, he is smug, confident, maybe even brazenly overconfident in his abilities, but can also at times be cripplingly paranoid. And so just as quickly as you'll get along on things will be going well, you might quickly turn

and believe that you're out to get him. Oh, gosh. And then I'll save this one. Thank you. Keele, call you Z for sure. And what's your weapon of trophy? You can't call him. It's like lazy boy.

Las E. That's ironic. He's like a one-piece carry. I'm like a one-piece carry. My weapon of choice is the silver dragon crescent blade, which is just Guamu's weapon. But instead of the green dragon crescent blade, it's a question.

Okay. I think it's called a Gwondow. Oh, yeah. But yeah, it's a glave. That's good bad ass. One down. Thank you. My die move is the death of 110 hot dogs.

Oh, do we, do we mention our die moves? Yeah? No, no, no, no, no. Keep your limit break secret. That is so fucking good, Mace. Mine's the best. I'll change you. I'll change you.

It's death by 110 hot dogs. I can see the hot dogs like swimming down. Thank you, Mace. Rich, tell us who you'll be inhabiting tonight. Hey, Faye fellas. The name's Atu Rour, but that's dumb as fuck, so you can call me Ardi, all right? Oh, yeah, I'll call you Arty. That's a lot of easier. You call me Ardi, right?

Jeez. Yeah, Ardi. And I'm a bit of a pugilist, a bit of a brawler, and you can see that, you know, I'm a little greedy. I like my coin, especially silver coin, because that's way better than gold coin. That's canonically true. With a lot more in our society. Wait, so they know these two things about us. The traits are what your personality are driving.

One of the cards, I can't remember what color anymore. One of them is something that you would know by being friends or having worked so closely with somebody. That's the yellow card. That's the yellow card. So the yellow card is what you're like, and you don't have to reveal. Yes, because green is our greatest achievement. And green is your achievement that you would be known for around town.

Well, everybody knows that I use illicit dragon-born drug. heavily. And I'm greedy because drugs are expensive. I'm known for the fact that I like bigger gals

to the point of I once fucked and then married a Yeti. That's canonically true. That's true. I had to maintain Arana. So there was a bit

of a shotgun arrangement, but I did because I'm a man of my word and that's why I'm still in the king's god because it keeps me out of the cave, you know what I'm saying? Oh man, oh gosh, I get it. And my, I think my weapons would be two large like dragon clawed gauntlets. Oh, okay. Yeah. Hell yeah. I was...

Oh no. I don't know. I was without a road trip with my wife and a Yeti, and it was terrible. One was a beast that was super hairy and bad breath that really was ill-tempered, and the other was a Yeti. Formula never failed. I'm not very decisive.

You are making the final steps up to the top of this mountain, And you know, part of the reason why the capital city of Argentholm was founded here many centuries ago, just as the empire, before it was an empire, before it was the kingdom. It was because of the rare materials that could be found at the bottom of this rock, so strangely placed at the center of this lake. And at the top of the mountain, after mining and working this area for so long, There is a massive platform, the top of a lift, that can take you all the way down, down, down beneath the castle keep, beneath the water, down into the beginning of what once was a massive mine shaft. There are many secrets of your empire are, can be found down there, but why you've been asked to come to the top of the mountain, you are not totally sure.

and that is what you were doing as you begin to crest the top of the mountain. What happens next is up to you. Gosh, I think it's going to all work out fine. That dragon's probably going to leave us alone if we get a, what's just had enough. You can hear the screams of the other dragon born well across the lake.

As far off as you can hear you crashing, breaking timber, ceramics. Shucks, they're screaming with joy. And there's no place I'd rather be with my pals already lazy and sorry. And there's rush to have it down below. It sure is a nice view. It is a beautiful view. From this vantage point, you can see in all 360 directions.

You can see the two massive bridges that lead, one of them leading directly into the mountain that faces you. You can see it, the other one that reaches the shoreline on the other side of the lake. is exactly the opposite side, going down into what is a robust and huge city filled with thousands and thousands of your brothers and sisters, your mothers and your fathers. Are we the only remaining guard of the emperor left? There are certainly guardsmen, similar to yourself, who are in the castle still.

There are many of the military forces that had been forced to draw back. Most of them are at the perimeter now or endeavoring to slay the dragon or at least drive her off. But of course, you are from this vantage point seeing no progress is being made. But it is just the four of you alone. Do we know this dragon as the Princess of Wrath?

You do not. This is one of the mysteries that has plagued the emperor. The plagued all of your people is that, aside from showing up with strange and terrible vengeance, and violence, nothing seems to be known about where this dragon came from or what caused it to emerge in the first place. All right, fellas, what's the plan? What's the plan?

It seems as if yet again everything comes down to us. Well, the plan is we go down there and we kill it, right? Because it's coming for us next. Well, why don't we got to kill? Why is it always killing and violence with you all? Well, it's either that for us, us or them. what's it going to be? Well, I think if we find it, we'll win, certainly.

Of course we'll win. Yeah, exactly right. It can't beat us. Yeah, there's no way. There's no way we can lose. You always got to look on the bright side of life. Unless. Unless what?

It's sort of our weaknesses. Gosh. Well, that means that we'll see us as more vulnerable kind companions that will let us go. No, we'll find out that I've got an unstoppable love of hot ones. It'll throw them in my feet and I'll be helpless in front of it. Well, maybe... Damn it!

Damn that dragon! Look, fellas, I don't know how you know how strong I am. I'm so strong that I regularly fuck a Yeti. Yeah, you always... I want you all to know that. You always mention it. I keep mentioning it because I mean... It always comes up in conversation.

Just point me at the dragon and want to. Listen, listen, Addy, that's very impressive, but I'm sure I've mentioned once or twice that I once had sex with her, the kid, the tavern bathroom. With what? Earth a Kitt, you know, the famous silver dragon born. The broad that was an emperor's new group. Absolutely.

I thought that movie was banned, given the subject matter and all. Conflict of interests. Well, all I know is that whatever we decide to do, it'll be the right decision. Listen, the one thing we can all say for sure, okay, is that we all have. sex. All right. You bad sex? I took a vow of celibacy once, but we all know the only reason I did it was so that I could break

it, because that's a badass thing to do, okay? Well, I don't know about you fellows, but I have as Chase as, as Chase gets. I wear the white cloak with pride by vows. Later, dip something in your eyes. But yeah, the snow gliders. Do you know the huge of car stuff? No blindness can manifest as an elemental. Of course you know that.

That's fucking true. Yes. What a stupid idea. After the mud tucking in contest, it's just a little tough. Oh, shit. It's a little tough. As you're talking there, solemn, courageous, brave, the four of you ready for whatever orders may come, you do see just there up above the flying emperious.

but he is dipping, not soaring the way majestically you've known him to come. His wings being a benefit, a trait of his noble blood. He is instead coming in a little too hot, a little too fast, and he barely manages to land, holding himself clearly devastatingly wounded, rushing up to you. Men, brothers, I fear that hard and home may fall. Well, no, your grace. You always got to look at the bright side.

You always said that Arjun Hope would never fall. Ladle, enough. Yes, your grace. You have a question? Is he a giant dragon? No, no, no, no. This is another silver dragon born, but he does have wings that work. Yeah, he's kind of like a Gary stew, you know what I mean?

Somebody who's being dragon wasn't enough. Um, daddy, I mean, your highness, what do you need us to do? I need you. to take a most sacred duty, a most sacred oath. We must travel down to the deepest layers under this castle. For you know what magic lies under there. And we must guarantee that whatever she is, we'll never find it. Hey, why is he talking about oath? You think he knows I broke one?

Why would you break your oath? Well, because we're saying. Lizzie, Lizzie? What's happening? I was, he's like it was fucking going out of style, okay? And then the good, the obvious thing to follow up with was hashtag and sex.

Well, you know, I'm sure that his grace will look the other way. I mean, this is the fucking kid emperor. You know, he's kind of from ways he just flew up. I mean, as he was, talking about, oh. Yeah, he's aptitude for colored eyes. It's really cool. Your grace. We'll do whatever you say, because you always have the best plans.

We'll protect the magic with our lives. Not like we'll lead to you, because we'll all survive. I know I can rely on you. Yes, Your Grace, we'll do anything if it makes you proud of us. Just tell me what to do. I just need orders. That's all I'm very decisive. I don't know.

Ready the lift so that we can take it down into the mining chaps and make our way to the great room. Right away. Just tell me one thing. Yes. Do I make you proud? No, there's no time for these questions. Quickly.

Oh, all right, all right. You heard the man, let's go! Before you race over and you start to move goods off of the lift, move goods off of this wooden platform, and start to basically prepare it for descent. You know that there's a single lever that when pulled will essentially counterbalance, the weights being what they are, allow it to tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

start to make it your way down through the cave, through the mine shaft mouth at the top of this mountain. And you are readying. And then you hear an exclamation, a scream from the emperor, she's here! And you turn, and you realize that the Princess of Rath has closed the distance almost instantaneously. And this massive dragon, a younger dragon than the ones

that you know from the icebound tale, certainly, but perhaps even more ferocious for the liveliness that she brings to the table. Huge wings swing down and swoop down as she lands on the top of this mountain and confronts the emperor. Foul, beast, demon, dragon, why do you slay my people? The voice that comes out, discreet.

No, I'm just, you just shot. I'm into it, okay. The voice that comes out bellows and it explodes across the mountain top, almost piercing your eardrums. You're shocked by the great, sound. And because I haven't given the emperor a name yet, Pee pooh-pee.

It's only a matter of time. Infinite monkeys and typewriters and all that. No, you guys are going to make fun of that. Hold on. No, Emperor Lazzlo, Ciglorphins! Raghorovich, she screams out. Your family killed my husband. And I am here to destroy you

and everything that you hold dear. I recognize that voice. How could it be you? The emperor screams out. I am here to unleash vengeance. To destroy you. You can kill me. No!

I understand. Why? Now, what do you say is true? But you can spare my people. Spare the empire. I will not rest until every one of you is dead. And she lurches back and goes in with a giant chomp. And all of a sudden you see Gregorovich's right arm immediately disappear. Daddy, no!

Red hits the white snow at the top of the mountain, and she screams, and he flies back, landing on the lift. The one of you is close enough to the, I'm going to say it for you because It's me, it's me! Close enough to the lever, you're able to pull the lever, and you pull it knowing that you only have seconds before she reaches back and unleashes a great dragon's breath of ice and power. Instead of just tick, tick, tick, tick, tick going down,

you have to release the brakes completely and you drop. Hang on, Daddy! You look up in the swine, ice and cold flies, you all lose. The Gryorovich is there bleeding out, holding a stump, there screams. Are you okay? You continue to drop, you look up, and you see that the dragon is too large

to make it into the mouth of this shaft, but you were falling fast, thousands of feet, and you only have moments to stop it. What do you all do? What do we do? What do we do? Somebody do me with the door! Yes, you guys, you just gotta,

use positive thinking. Man, fast. We're gonna be okay. What are we got? What are we got? This is fine. It's gonna be fun. Everything's fine.

So the lift is just kind of almost in free fall. The lift is flying down. You can see the walls of this, for lack of a better word, like rocky interior cliff or cave. As you fly down are flying past you. And the chain, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, is racing on one side where it would both control the ascent and the descent to pull up and pull it down.

There's also the connection that goes. directly up to essentially a crane arm that is holding onto and releasing and but there's nothing stopping it. There's no friction. There's no breaks, right? So you're just in free-for-all, freefall at this point. Oh man, if only we had like a javelin or something to try to like spear the chained old wall

badass way. Gosh, I guess I'll sacrifice my giant ladle folks. I would do anything for the survival of my friends and my king, I mean my emperor, who I'm taking a vow of loyalty and celibacy that I've never violated. Yes, thank you. And I haven't regretted it won't.

Okay. I'm going to stick, I'm going to flip my ladle around and try to shove it into the bed. You endeavor to handle signs into one of the quickly moving holes of this chain to see if you can both get in through the hole and perhaps stab it against the wall and perhaps cause some sort of a, it's going to be

challenging to get this done. But go ahead and make an athletics check to see if you perform well. Let's see folks. Oh. And I neglected to tell you. when you each introduced, you all have one inspiration. Inspore.

You guys are never gonna believe this. I got at 26. Like, damn. Right, I don't believe it. The power of positive thinking. Just manifest. Ladle jumps in and immediately he thread the needle of one of these chains.

And before he's even lifted up, you were amazed to find that it makes its way into a crack, a fissure on the other side of the wall, and it immediately starts to create the friction. You can see the ladle almost bend in the tremendous amount of weight that it would need to stop the lift that you are all on. And the end of it starts to sizzle and turn red

from the friction, the heat being what it is, but you are starting to slow down, and it seems that with a 26th, you have time to think as you are coming to a much slower pace now. By the power of Bucktuck, I've done it. I'd like to medicine check the emperor to see how long he's potentially got. Do you know what kind of role a medicine check is? Is it's just wisdom?

Yeah, you know 14. With a 14, you can see that he is in dire medical attention. He's losing blood quickly. He's holding that arm. But what once was a powerful man has been through a number of battles. He's been deteriorated and waging this war. against this singular predator. And he is, looking up at you, you can already see that the flushness from his silver dragon-born face.

Gregorovich isn't... Just call him Greg. Greg. Greg does not seem to be long for this world at his current pace. I am attempting to, like, use some cloth and potentially maybe, like, a belt that I'm wearing to create, like, a makeshift tourniquet to, like, cinch off his shoulder

as there are tears welling up my eyes as I'm working on him and I'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying Emperor please daddy please don't go yeah I don't know why you call me that I'm sorry I'm emperor I'm going to stay strong for you emma why are you undoing your pants it's a call the ton of cancer but sorry it's cool it's all right do what you need to do and he bite he bites down and make another medicine check to see how well you stanch the bleeding sorry you're using the great cheese cloth technique than your dear old dad

taught you. I got a 19. With a 19, you cinch it forward and you hear a bit of a choked scream from the emperor, knowing how hard you have to tug turniquet in order to actually stop blood fobbing what it is. And with the fabrics there, the bleeding

is no longer the geyser that it once was. You've stemmed it. Thank you. It's all right. Is he gonna be okay? I will be strong for you and you will be strong for us. You've taught me so much, emperor.

What happens if he dies? Does it work like Santa Claus and like we become the emperor? He's not gonna die. He's gonna be fine. Look. Just the thing. I got just a thing. I take out a little silver, almost like a little vial

with like a flat bottom and a little screw cap. And I'll screw it off and I will, I have like longed. Dragon more nails, but my deep end up. He's especially long. And from this little vial, I tap out a little bit of silver dust onto the nail. All right, I will prop the ember up. Is, he's all right?

Just snort us. How'd you can't do it? I'd just up. You do that, and he sits up. That's some good shit, right? Thank you, Artie. It's just what I needed. That's right.

and he hops off of the lift, he jumps. There's a space between all sides of this platform that you find yourself off, and with his wings still intact and well enough to fly, especially with this rejuvenation, he dives down to beat the lift to the bottom. And the four of you for but a moment are alone on the surface of this platform. Did you get the amber so high,

he left off the platform, thought he could fly to the bottom? Yeah, I mean, he has wings laid in the bottom. He's missing on fire. I mean the adrenaline. I administered a tourniquet very well. You ever done that before? No. But I learned techniques from my mother, the humble cheese maker.

Your father was real good guy, the good old cheesebocker. Our folks always used to be good friends. I look away. You feel, yes. You hear old dad, the cheesebacher. Yes, my father. You keep the lift slow, and the chain stopped moving up quite as quickly. You feel that you can pull your ladle free, and you do.

It's slightly warped at the end from the amount of friction, but it may still work as a weapon. We save the day, folks. And clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, another few hundred feet down. You come to a rest at the bottom. Surrounding you is this massive cavern opening, and a huge amount of, mining equipment, being amassed. You can see almost like a railway network in all directions, but there at the lever end is the emperor holding his arm,

his wings furling back behind him, and he has managed to pull the lever, apply the brakes, saving you from a nasty fall. Are you all right, men? I suppose. Yeah, we're all real great. Everything's gonna be fast. Good as we can be. Pretty good stuff, right?

Nothing hurts us. Nothing hurts us. Yeah, there's really no time limit. We're pretty good. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. As you know, man, our work with magic for these centuries has run deep.

We've unlocked many mysteries of the natural world. We have explored much of Drakar and acquired much wealth, and yet nothing compares to the treasures that lie below. If that dragon were to plunder those treasures, it would mean more than the loss of our empire. It would mean her gaining access to worlds beyond these to impossible magics. It is crucial that she cannot discover this trove.

Well, it's like my mother always said, honor and duty. Perhaps you might recognize her. She's about five, four, names Mary. Any cheese maker? There's not time for this. Excuse me. He waves his hand. My apologies.

Runic symbols on the surface of the floor, a giant disc, a light to lift this massive stone free from the floor. And it swings to the side like a giant coin on its back and unveils this huge crypt just underneath. We'll need to get down there and seal ourselves inside so that we might defend my lineage and the portal. No problem, easy peasy. This is my sacred duty for you, men.

It means that you'll never see your families again, nor can we ever return to the surface. No, I'm sure we'll see it real soon. Well, sounds a bit cowardly, we're just hiding? No, you will be guardians. You will defend this. tomb with your not just lives, but your

very souls. Wait, what you're telling me is I'm never going to see Yemali ever again? Follow me, men. And he dives down. And he swoops and hovers and circles down. And you can see that... What do I sign up?

You are about a 50-foot climb down into this hole as you as you're being bidden by orders to join. Well, yeah, and your order and your command, you're grace. We'll be right down. No problem at all. If only we had wings.

We've got the wings on our hearts. Lots of praise. You throw some ropes down and you're able to easily repel down into this space. Pulling the ropes down and clutch over you. You see he waves his hand

once again and there's a bit of filth and rocks as this giant seal forms over the space and sinks inwards. And then with another difficult wave of his hand as he's running out of energy, running out of magic, he seals the tomb completely.

It should be unnoticeable. So that's just it. We're stuck here now. No. No, we don't have to wait. What? The nature of that seal being what it is. I can already feel the life leaving.

me the nature of that sealed being what it is. I have these potions. When you drink them, you will be put into a magical slumber. And should any creature disturb this space, you will be able to emerge and defend, defend our empire's treasure, defend our lineage,

defend our way of being, everything that we have hidden down here over the last few weeks in case she finally, finally triumph. If we are awakened from slumber and we defend the treasures, then what? Is there, are there more potions for us to return to slumber? That's a good question. Wait, hold on. We're gonna be stuck down here for how long?

He, he starts to, he starts to respond to you and he says, yes. But don't stand there? Father? And four potions are all out. Emperor, emperor, daddy! Is he dead? Is he dead? You make a medicine check.

17. He's dead. I have so much to learn from you. You can't leave us like this. How's he gonna reimburse me? He doesn't be bump by Gila? It lasts very long. Oh, gosh, is he okay?

L? Yeah, sorry. He's dead. The emper is dead. Gosh. Well, well... I guess he's in a better place there. Wait, so does it work like Santa Claus?

I don't know. Wait, I have an idea. Here, try this. And I'll reach into my pack, and I'll pull up, like, this white, kind of modeled, like, fermented food. I'll hand it to you. Here, try it. Me? Yeah, mucktuck.

I eat some, what I believe to be mucktug. It tastes like if you... you somehow took all of the salmon skin off of the salmon and combined it with like a jelly. That's the flavor of what you're experiencing in your life. Just congealed. Did it work? What is it supposed to do?

I always feel better. I've tried some butt time. Oh. Well, yes. I suppose I feel a bit better. Thank you, Ladle L. No problem, you can just call me Ladle like you always have I mean, sorry, you get a little sentimental, huh?

I'm trying to be professional. I mean, are you a little down that your daddy died? Yes, the emperor meant a lot to everyone. No, I mean... Not just me. I think the cheesebogers five. I think you've managed to escape. I need a parachute.

Looking around, you can see that the ceiling has been completely sealed. There are ensconces on the wall, providing a dark illumination, just enough, almost enough like a torch, but it doesn't flicker. It's just a sort of a consistent droning color. And looking around now that your eyes are starting to adjust the light, you can see that there are many of the most treasured royal family treasures here in the bottom. There are great bases and works of old, beautiful artisanal craft, hairlooms and armor and weapons, everything that someone would need to go on in the afterlife.

And this is how the emperor's planned it, because there is indeed an open tomb to rest him in. And you can also see that there are four spots for guardians who have sworn themselves to forever serve the emperors and fulfill their oaths and duty. I am beginning to think that we may have been Cast of a Montiato. Or my name is not Masoro.

Oh gosh, I could use a nice cask of wide right now to celebrate off survival. I believe all we have are these potions. You think they got me illicit dragon-born drugs down here? Or is this it? And similar to the Egyptian analog that I'm going to make right now. I'm using my imagination. There are just non-perishable goods. There are casks of wine.

There are... Well, you can make an investigation check. I will. I'm looking for silver dust as my drug of choice, but I'll take any illicit drug for drugs. Oh! 16. With the 16, you immediately start looking through all of these goods,

and there are so many objects of desire here, objects of power, that you... It takes a little time. You think, though, using your mind's eye, where would I put the drugs? And then opening a drawer, you do indeed find a little tiny box. Just a small made of gemstone, beautiful marbled surface like it is. And opening it, you find inside that it is silver dust of only the highest purity.

It's like a Pulpiction. I open it up and there's silver one. I close it. Does anybody want to do some drugs to tie? us over for the next 30 quadrillion years? You think, I had a big bowl of mucktuck stew earlier. I'm... I'm with Ladell L. I'm just not feeling it right now. What do you think, Lazy?

Yeah, I'll take a little bit. Not that stuff you keep on you, though. I don't know that if you may be laced it with something, even more illicit. I mean, the Emperor's dead on the floor. You know, Lazy, you're killing me. I went last to make sure that nobody else used the voice. And now there's two of us, and I guess that's why. I guess that's fine.

I guess that's fine. The ghost or something is just over there. I just got on a look here. Reincarnation is a philosophical thing in the God. Gosh, maybe one day you'll reincarnate it to me. A king brother. I'm gonna do. No, it makes sense.

I'll take a bump of beer unless it dred. Not right, you only use my nail or yours? Yeah, well, I don't know. My name. You know. Just get up in there. Yep. When he comes back, both of them, even though you are silver, it looks like someone's taking a silver spray can to your face.

There's like this mic. You immediately enjoy the benefits of however that drug fucking works, and you feel amped up. You feel like you need something again right away. Well, not that I'd want you, but I feel like you can punch you that fucking seamen into. You can just put my fist right on it. Oh gosh, I think you could too. Get a real strike up. You'd probably just push right through.

And you'd break off through and save the day. It wouldn't even be close. I may I have to punch right through. Why didn't you try it, lazy? The ceiling is like 100 feet in the air. I jump. I jump. I try and jump as high as I can.

Make an athletic foot in the air. And he breaks his face swing with all of the light. Have you ever? Have you ever seen when something drops out from someone jumping? They try to jump out. You get that weird scorching. You get, like, six inches off the ground before you fall prone. That was a nice try.

Don't worry about it. Oh, my. Oh. Oh. It's been a little higher than I fucking thought. Somebody moved it, I'm sure. You'll get it next time. You'll get the next time, Lerzer.

I believe in you. The powder will want to try again. The powder. friendship. By the way, the emperor is still dead on the ground. Should we move him into the coffin maybe? Yeah. Is there like a final resting place for him outside of the four for us?

On one sign there is a adorned area with an actual like tomb area and you can see that the great heavy seal that you can put on top would be there as well. What's the words I'm looking for? The coffin's not right. Circophagus. It's sarcophagus. Thank you.

You know, gosh, I can't wait until we can all get executed. I'll reach down on pick him up. I'd be there helping you. We got to follow our view. You know we all failed as Kingsguards, so now it's really only right that we all get executed as soon as we wake up.

You remember. The emperor swore you to this duty, to follow his orders. And even though he died, the sacred duty and his words are what is in the forefront of your minds as you lay him to rest in the sarcophagi and begin to pull the heavy,

heavy stone. Remember. Good night. Good night, my father. You all my son. I will miss you. Even though we never had a chance to develop a relationship,

or play a ball, or catch, or teach me how to shave, or any of those things, I will miss you. Good thing you had to do that with the cheese boggers. You're stuck here forever. We're stuck here forever. There are no more families, no more brothers or sisters. We are the only family we have left us as friends.

What are you shaving? It doesn't matter anymore. I do enough shaving at home. Let me tell you, you're not missing anything. I haven't seen you grow a facial here once in a entire time. I mean, with Dragon Ball. Hey, why are you giving them a hard time? We're just asking the question.

The emperor just died. We're all feeling a little emotional. We failed our sacred oath. That's okay. Everybody fails to their sacred oaths at all. It's destined to get executed after centuries of stasis slumber. It's not so big a day. There is going to be no one left.

No one left once we'll week. No, I think, for all you know, they probably took out that big bad dragon and agreed to play checkers and have some tea. Everybody's fine. It murdered our emperor. in a single attack? What are the common people going to do against it?

Nothing. Nothing. I think you're right. Everything's fallen now. Maybe this is the best thing that we could. I mean, this is frankly lucky fellas. I mean, I'd rather be in stasis until somebody wakes us up when this all blows over than being, you know,

even alive and torn apart, defending the emperor, you know what I mean? What did anyone else hear the thing about vengeance? Wow, she had shown up with the best vengeance. What about vengeance? She isn't good. It's a, it's a dish, best serve gold. Just like Bucktut.

Is that true? Yeah, we're not. I just know it's way up and over the skiing. Now I'm talking about when she shouted out, and the emperor recognized her voice. And she was like, you killed my... husband prepared to die. Oh, but maybe if she knows the emperor is dead, that's all she came for.

Maybe one of us should go out there and let her know, I mean, because at this point, she probably doesn't know. I can't. I can't leave here. We've been sealed within. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. 19. How time you get down into a squat and you jump up and you go, come on, lazy, I know you can do it.

How are for jumping, uh, You don't even get close to 100 feet, though, obviously. La hazyness, you have reminded me of something with your attempted jump. I suppose that perhaps there's nothing left for us to do other than to drink these potions and quickly before we have to designate a corner to begin defecating. I like Vince-law. Oh, I just don't know. I'm just going to go over here.

Oh. Oh. I think you's touching, go on. Thank you just. No. These bands to point in the other words. I mean, it's a bit. Well, shuts up harsh, anyway.

Down the hedge. See all of the next petrel you dears. All right, we all get our sarcophagi. We all lay down in our open sarcophagi. Yeah, they're open sarcophagi, and they're at an angle. So you can lean back, putting your weapon to your side. And knowing that at any moment, if you should take this potion, you would enter a slumber to reawaken.

and protect the secrets of this empire, not knowing if that might be, it might be days from now, you might wake up to happy news, to somebody saying, hey, we defeated the dragon. We're free, and we are here to rebuild. Or how far flung in the future

could be centuries, millennia, before. Someone plunders the secrets of the space for how well hidden it was. What are you thinking as you ingest the potion and begin to go dark? And just no one discovered my terrible blood curse. I would be thinking about the relationship I never had with my real father

and that I hope that my mother is all right. And I hope that our civilization survives when we don't go extinct. Mm-hmm. What, I'm thinking that... I had room for that 110th hound out. And I really should have gone for it. And solidified the time.

It would have been a nice round number. 1-1-1-1-1. Minus 1-1. Then you also fade. You know, I never got a chance to tell my wife that I don't love her very much. And she knows. And we all go to sleep.

And you enter... Rest. Darkness. Quiet. You do not dream. A potion puts you into a place between life and death. Still, there's no real feeling of awareness of time. Just...

Uh... Prolonged... Like, when you're between dreams, even. prolonged repose that you just swim through until suddenly there is a stirring suddenly you feel your souls flooding back into life

you suddenly wake up in your sarcophag eye and you know that the only reason your eyes may be blinking that your muscles may be unstiffening that you are suddenly are capable of movement again of action your weapon is still there at your side know is because there is a threat. Some intruder has entered this crypt

for lack of a better word, and the four of you spring into action. The three of you look over at Massar's coughing and it's just bones and you notice that the potion was only half drunk because it tasted kind of icky. He died. Half of a potion was enough.

And you, I want you each to tell me, describe in what bad-ass way. Do you emerge from your guardian sarcophagi and take on the coming challenge to defend the empire, defend its great knowledge, its great magic, its treasures? Go ahead.

Do you feel like this is going to be like the big combat of the session? Yeah, we do. Okay. I'll think if anyone else has something else. Oh, I would just, my eyes would awake. I would remember the dying words of the emperor, which were, yes.

And as I would be stirred, all of a sudden, my blood would be pumping, I would be filled with purpose as I drew my great sword from my side, as I step out of the coffin and I say, I will avenge you, Daddy. You say that. You jumped down and into the center pit area. Who wants to go next?

I would, knowing that the old, only reason we would be waking up is because imminent threats are upon us. I would awake crackling, my muscles would come back online, I'd grab my crescent blade to my side, I'd roll back onto my feet and bending at the knees I would leap out of the sarcophagus, attempt to plant my feet on, presumably they're up against walls, or very close to one. and I would leap as high as I could, place my feet against the section of wall, and then, like, swan dive down with my crescent blade down.

You ninja guide against the wall and do a flip before landing down, readying your crescent attack weapon. The Silver Dragon, Crescent Bligh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You land like so, and you start to look around. Artie, Lately. as I think about

the blood curse that I have and the belly of mucktuck, that I'd eaten all of my mucktuk, not wanting it to go bad, so I had hacked the planet. I did a pro-strat and ate all my mucktuck, and wash it down with the potion.

I suddenly start to shift and use my limit break, master of mucktuck, and I was like, I'm a real threat of the muck-tuck-y contest. Yeah, I never, I never told you about my blood curses of cetacean lachympathicine. As my sarcophagus will erupt as a, like a whale-like,

lichen throat will emerge, and I'm a giant, huge maud, like a sperm whale or something like that. Okay, okay. You step forward. You step forward. As you land forward, you see all of this blubber suddenly emerge and cover and cover cover ladle. Any step forward.

You can see his massive law. Ready for chomping. You are what you mean. That's not what whales do. Artie, how do you emerge in this crackling moment? I'm stone cold sober for the first time in, you know, decades as far as my perception's concern.

I'm going to like just feel around for the box of silver dust and hopefully if it's still where I left it, right next to me. You do find it. Oh, my God, oh. And I'm just gonna open it and just shove my nose in. And I'm going to like leap out and do like a front flip and I'll land on my feet. And I will do ch-ch-ch with my gauntlets, get ready to go.

And I will look around to see you and make sure that I'm following the rest of the room. You look around, you see your brother's eyes. And each of you also look into, each other's, and you see that your eyes are now a glow with this unbelievable blue light that seems to trace and turn as you all look around. Looking up, the seal above you appears to be unbroken, untarnished, and you suddenly look over

to where the emperor's sarcophagus was. It has been tipped over, and you can see that the stone has been moved, and there is a great number of giant rats attempting to consume the body. No! I don't want to start kicking the rats away from my father's corpse. These are huge rats, they turn and hiss, and one of them goes and launches at you. It's it.

Getting a natural one as you kick its face in, but you can tell all the other, coveting the meal that is your potential daddy. Oh, get away from my daddy. The three of you all are also there standing, racing up, seeing this sight as Masara engages them for the first time. What do you all do? Oh, everything's gonna be fine, your grace, even a death. And I'll just grab a giant rat and off.

Hold on attack. I'm gonna just try to, I just devour, I'm basically chogathing my way through this. To those who know. Fees. 20 to hit. Oh, that hits. I don't know if my limit break gives me special powers or anything.

It gives you the ability to kill it in one. It gives you a how do you want to do this? Yeah. I just grab that, and I'd rip its head off. It tastes just like mucktook. Everything tastes like mucktuck in this form, and you are pleased. You are pleased by it. And its feet continue to run in the air, even though it's missing the top half of its body,

and you go in for another one. Lazziness, what are you doing? I would run up. Is it possible we were awoken to battle these giant rats? And I run up and just lunge out with my crescent blade. And I'll strike you one as well. Sure. Oh, yeah, 20.

Plus seven. Oh, 20. Oh, 20 hits. And I'll say that you're able to, with your crescent blade, swing in. And not just three, not just four, but five of these giant rats fly back. And as you split right across the top of them, making you think sort of like a hot dog. They splatter against the wall and fly to the, it's a little. to the ground.

Artie, now that you are pumped up and you are the last to get to reach the conflict, you see that there are rats in all directions. Masara being what, but you still have your gauntlets on. You pick the wrong. You leap in and smash down on the ground and try to punch as many as I can. Rollo attack?

That's very funny. 17. 17. That hits. You were able to squish one. A fist-first into the ground. It's splatters out. You're able to squish another one. It splatters out. It looks like there's only a couple left. Mazar. What do you do? I am still kind of close to hysterics as these rats are trying to eat the corpse of my father, who I presume to be my father. And I am just swinging my great sort of kicking and stomping on rats the best that I can. I'll make an attack. Go for it.

12. We twist it. We twist it. We twist it. Okay. Thank you, Chad. Thank you, Chad. Nope. Wasn't meant to be. Wasn't meant to be. You stabs forward with your great... Daddy, no.

Tears covering your glowing, blue eyes being what it is. You aren't quite able to manage and you accidentally nick the body of the potentially your father. Out of the way at the last second. Opposing gas goes out. I am just wailing.

It echoes and reverberates inside of the chamber and the final rat is able to scurry over to one of the corners, go up the wall, and into a tiny, tiny, little hole, which seems to be from where all of these rats were able to dig through and emerge in the first place. And you were left alone. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Hey guys, it's me. I'm a were whale. Surprise. Oh, please. Please help me

with my father's corpse. Help me put him back, please. Oh, okay, he's gonna be just fine. Oh, reach down. Ah! Paper! I need you both as you move the Bonnie to make perception checks. Are you literally a whale guy right now? Am I just fucking

twicken? Yeah, have you always been able to do that? Perception is what, wisdom? I got a 14. 14? You're doing great. 14? 14. 14. 14 for you both. Have you always been able to do that?

You don't notice it right away. You're busy right in the sarcophagus, laying the Bonnie down to rest. You especially, Maserar are trying as best you can to make sure that he's whole and pristine. And you're laying the arms back into their positions. You're smoothing out the robes that were covered on by the blood. I have giant flipper hands.

I am not. The giant flipper hands are not helping. But when you both are able to step back for a moment, this is, they're still juicy. He's still decomposing Almost No time at all has passed We've been here for centuries, right? You look at your bodies

And you are all very whole Dragonborn Your eyes still glow with this magical energy But you've barely changed Has a week passed A couple weeks, maybe Enough for a fresh corpse To attract the smell of rats

So it couldn't be more than a few months Oh no, no, no, the madness is already starting to set in. This is the beginning of the end. We already don't know how time has passed. I mean, does anybody have a watch? I mean, I look at my wrist to see if my watch is still on. What the hell is a watch? You look and you remember that you brought the gauntlets

without the watch attachment. Oh. Oh, no worries, I have a sundial. Oh. You did have a sundial. It's beautiful. Made a silver. Well, fellow,

I mean, what do you think? Do we just go back to sleep, or do we go up the hole and make sure no more rats get in? Can we even go back to sleep with not any more potion? The emperor never told us if there was any more potion. They just died after saying yes. I think we're kind of like undead whites at this point. I mean, we're sort of like cursed to fulfill our duty,

so I think we just close our eyes and go back to sleep, is how I'm guessing. I'm also a big wheel guy. I kind of like this. This is sort of better than you're old version. You should just stay like this. Yeah, I think I don't know how to turn it all. I ain't all in my mutton and washed it down. And I think that's my permanent choice.

You don't know how to turn it off. And a minute's accurate. Two minutes. You are not changing back. Well, hold on, maybe if I, oh God, this my sarcophon gives us in pieces. I should have burst out like the Kool-Aid man. You should have thought about that. Well, for what it was worth.

It was very cool. Well, thank you. I'm going to throw you. you up into the hole. What do you think, sorry? How big is the rat hole? It's about 90 feet up, and it's the size of a basketball hoop. I'm not going to fit in there.

Okay, who wants to go to the rat hole? None of us are going to fit, and there's 99 feet in the air. It's about the size of a basketball, and I don't even know what that sport is. One of us couldn't have been a grappling hook, and gosh, that's like, none of us will fit in that hole. Yeah, it's about like 130 of the of an ogre, why?

Well, maybe we don't have to fit in it, maybe we just, maybe we just climb up to it and then look in and see what's on the other side. 99 feet in the air. Yeah, it'll be real easy. Neladles decides of a giant freaking whale. I mean, he can probably throw pretty fine.

I'm a pretty big fellow. I have my limit break, the master of muck tuck. All right. I suppose a ladle can throw me. Okay. here. I just like walk over and I just like sit in your like flipper arms. I've got fucking like

Batman returns penguin flipper. You're able to get underneath him and Okay, go on. This is oddly clabby on my ass cheeks. Shot putting upwards. It's wearing heartboxers. And you push off of him. So making the athletics check an advantage.

We're twisting twice. I got 17. We're still twisting. For athletics? We want us to be as high as possible. Yeah. We should have free major... 27. Yeah. Okay, good. How far could you reasonably...

Not 99. I mean, it's a giant were whale. But we are also giant dragon-born. Probably... Probably weigh 250 pounds a piece. I mean, that's about the distance of like, nine ogres laying down. That's very funny.

I would say that you actually feel like the speed is incredible. You put all of your energy into it to Superman forward. You put all of your energy into it and push out as much as possible. For the first fraction of a second, you feel like you are moving so fast. There's no way that you couldn't make it. You make about halfway before you hit into the corner and slide down, tumbling into a treasure chest. Ow. That hurts.

It works for sure. Oh! I'm not doing my legs working. Oh, I'm not too. Second time's the charge. This time's great. I'm telling you, Grapplinhug! You're not having to get eyes at a 27, right?

Oh, we're twist two twice. Two twists. If he net 20s this, maybe during the truth. Oh, 19. 29. 29. 29. You thought you're a dead.

This time, you're standing directly underneath the hole, and you just shot put him straight upward. You, course, correct, are able to push off just a little bit, and you get 80 feet up before you realize that you're scraping. While they're doing that, can I invent a crap? Throw it up there, make an investigation check. You start to look around to find, well, there's the ropes that you repelled down with, and there's a what is a very nice candelabra that you think that you can just,

end into the right configuration, and you start working the metal and making it, you're doing it very fast and with great focused attention given your state at this time. And, uh, Mathur, you make it up and suddenly you realize you realize you're scraping against the wall before you fall down and you land the only reason you don't take damage on top of Ladle. And the two of you collapsed. Oh, God! My mug, oh!

Gosh, thank goodness for my large, blubbering. about it. Otherwise, you would have broken the rest of you. Moments later, you're... Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. The rope is holding. You're not as good. I'll open the box again. Yeah! It's gonna work, it has to work.

We'll find these giant rats, no matter what. Make a, I think it's a straight decks. Well, it could be athletics, maybe, or is it? You guys all just want to use athletics. You got that sweet bonus. Oh, and it's fine. Ah. 19.

Straight decks. You whip it forward and you've got, you all watch as it sails forward, the rope being pulled right along with it, and it goes into the mouth of the hole. And you give it just the right tug. You spiral and it hooks. It hooks against something. You can pull it, and it feels taught. You walk up to the wall and you start to test with your weight a little bit, and it might hold. hell.

All right, I invented a grappling hook. Well done. This is fantastic. What do I do now? Well, I'm thinking... You've always been so smart. I'm thinking, because I'm the most slight out of all of us, perhaps if you rub me down in muck-tuck-tuck-tuck grease,

I might be able to slide in the size of that basketball-shaped hole. Okay. Just don't get any on my hands, or I won't be able to climb the rope. Well, you better take off all your armor. You have to be as slender as he can. All right, all right. Yeah, you better get into the dude.

It's fine, I can, nobody look. There are mirrors everywhere. I begin to take off all of my armor. Okay. And then once I'm done, after about 10 minutes of doffing my arm, I'll go over to L. And I'll say, all right, I'm ready. Please just grease me up.

Make sure you get my butt cheeks and hammies real good. Okay, I need a knife. Who's got a knife? What is the knife for? For the to get all the to get the the the whale oil Oh, I got a knife take this It's gonna be like a A wedge of fat

It lands on the ground It's mostly blood But in a matter of moments You are a little covered in a combination of fat and blood You take two points in damage I am going to It's okay, it's okay I feel gross She, like, pull that new shirt,

and you can, like, bleed from the new shirt? Yeah. It's fine. All right, lay low, I'm going to, I'm going to try to climb the rope now. All right. Okay, here's the rope. And without anything on my feet or hands,

I'm going to attempt to climb the rope. You don't even need to make a check. You're an expert. experienced warrior, one of the best warriors of the empire, Kingsguard, and you are able to repel up the wall steadily, hand over hand. You feel the strength in your body. There's been almost no deterioration, another sign

of how little time has passed since your awakening. And you make it all the way up to the hole in the wall. And holding on to just a few feet into the hole, you can see that you were very lucky. The makeshift candelabra hook, managed to adjust its wedge itself on a beam that had been made the side of this wall just behind this sort of like fresco-like material

and you might be able to squeeze through there. It's going to be tight, but you feel pretty confident. You can do it! As I'm going to look over my shoulder down at the guys and yell, All right, I'm going in. It looks a little tight. Volumetrically, I'd say it's roughly a dozen beefsets. which is my

okay that sounds right the blood and fats it hasn't dried yet I think that's okay just squeeze in there

when I get in I'm going to tie the rope around my waist if I get stuck I'm going to need you to pull me out in how many old is that

I always skipped conversions class fractions fractions of an og it's okay because the the death rate of hobby

Spelunkards is only like 60%. Does this count as Spelunking? Does this count as Spelanquin? Yeah, I think so. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be five. Alright, alright. I will tie some of the rope around my waist. Okay, you're holding yourself down there with one arm,

and so you get a slack of the rope, and you work it over and around. You roll a few times, you're able to even pull it through and sort of make a classic knot out of it. You feel pretty secure around the waist. All right, facade, don't lose you. dwit now, and I begin to crawl into this tiny hole and try to pull my way in. And once I'm in, I'm gonna like,

you pull yourself in, and you have to reach forward like this in order to get that initial pull. As you do, there's a strange tinkling sensation in the end of your fingertips. And that, it feels like pins and needles. And then you pull yourself in a little bit further another six inches, 10 inches, and you feel that, It's getting stronger and your whole hands

all the way up to your elbows now completely numb. You are making progress, making through this tiny hole and you think that maybe it's just because of your live nature and your frame being what it is, not the blood and fat, it's not helping at all. You're just, you're squeezing in through this stony space. But as soon as you cross a certain threshold, it lights out.

Whatever magic sustains you and holds you to this tomb, suddenly, drops and you lose consciousness. From like 100 feet below, you just hear assault. And the three of you looking up, just see the legs dangling out of the hole. You're like getting very clear that I suddenly go left. Yeah, he just goes very obviously goes to length.

We have rules for this, and we just, we're just leaving them up there? Hold out those disgusting flipper hands. You get yanked back and he watches. As he swims around like this and then at the waist, not backwards, but forwards, hooks down and swings unconscious there at the end of the rope where he had hooked him, where he had tied himself about seven feet from the hole. You're doing great, Saurant.

Also, shit, I didn't notice we got a raid seven minutes ago. Yay! Dang, thank you. Don't follow Deada-Gamer. If hopefully you guys are still here, thank you so much for the raid. We're just playing some. some D&D, some side stories shenanigans.

So give Dag a follow, and thank you so much. It would be fairly obvious that Masara is unconscious, given his limp and unspeaking quality. Are you okay? Sorry, are you all right? So we have the rope up here, he tied himself, and he's dangling. He's dangling about seven feet down from where the hole is. And the hook.

And the hook is holding him. He tied himself, so he's just swinging right there. And then there's the rest of the rope that is within reach to you. All right. I guess we got to go again. I mean, I can just shoot him down if you want me to. That sounds pretty cool. I mean, you know.

That sounds pretty cool. His girl is a multi-purpose. You think I could just punch? I mean, we got a fucking range attack. I'm not going to leave that on the table. I know. You just shoot them down with your gauntlet. You'll see on the gauntlet there's like a little sort of silver spoke

that has like two spokes from it and like a rubber band and like hang out of it. Hell yeah. And so I'll reach into my pack and pull out this like sharp silver like pebble almost. And I'm going to slingshot it, Usopp style, up at the rope and try to shut it. You release it and you're aiming for the rope?

Yes. Make an attack. So by rule. E.C. is 20. So by rule well, fellas. Let's twist twice. I'm gonna try to catch my dearest chub, sorry. Was the I-11?

11 plus, so 18. That's good. That's very good. It's not bad. 18 hits. And it's just enough for you to see as a small hole. It goes right through the center of this thick-corded rope. And all of a sudden, it twing, twing, twing, it starts to unravel.

And you can see very quickly it's going to release. And it's right at this moment that you come into consciousness. Your head is full of blood. You have a headache, you don't know exactly what's happening, but you see your arms and everything's blurry and your legs hanging down, and just below you, you see the arms of a giant wear whale. And then you fall.

Pulling athletics to check to catch him. It's pretty good. 21! 21, you are able to catch him without any damage, but you fall for 80 feet and land with a thud as you once again find yourself in the corner prone with ladle. Well, bad news, bad news. I got about a foot into the hole maybe.

First, my hands started to go numb, and then my arms and my shoulders and my face. It was very much reminiscent in one of our early day parties when Artie slipped us some drugs. Next thing I know, I lost consciousness, and I was falling into this lovely woman's arms. arms. Oh, so you only made it one-tenth of an ogre in? Oh, they're like, fatigue. Gosh, that's not very far at all. That's only one-tenth of an ogre.

I don't, I don't know what's happened, other than perhaps that area is outside the bounds of whatever seals us in this tube. You think that means we can't leave this room at all? Yes. Wait, wait, wait, wait, is it either that, or maybe there's drugs up there? If it felt kind of like drugs, I mean, is it possible that the rats had drugs? nearly as fun as the drugs that you gave us. Oh. How quickly did you get an arm? Almost instantly.

Uh, it could be drugs. It was painful. It wasn't fun. I mean, there could be illicit dragon born drugs, is all I'm saying. But hey, you're alive and you have your lips and tags. That's true. We should chalk that up as a weird, you know what I mean? So what do we do next?

I mean, if we're cursed to stay here and it really is a proximity thing and we can't leave, what do we do? I'm very indecisive, you see. I feel like if the rats woke us up, perhaps we just try to go back to sleep. Yeah, that's a good idea. My mother, the humble cheese maker, used to tell me when I couldn't sleep as a child, that sometimes you just had to close your eyes and clear your head. Oh, she told you all the fairy tales, too?

Yes, she told me all of the fairy tales that all good mothers tell dragon-born children. Sweet little boy, just have some cheese and go to sleep. Yes, your father, he was the emperor. Good night. That's exactly what I was getting that. That's exactly what happens. There's a flash back to that scene, and then it comes back to us, and I'm like,

just like that. Hey, Laytho. I got to ask, I mean, just looking at you. Yeah, sure, what's up? You think they have girl whale anywhere in the world, like blood curse-wise? You got a sister? Gosh, I don't know.

You don't know if you have a sister? No, I mean, I do. I don't have a sister. sister. I come from a long line of lails. And we all eat so much much that we all turn into wear whales.

Because you all eat, you know what I mean? It's like the saying of over-lid the lips through the gubs, watch out stomach here it comes. You've known about this for your entire life. And we are just now learning about it because you've never done this because you don't know if it goes the other direction. Yeah, exactly right. I was always worried that if I, once you break the, you know, it's like a can of ye old preagles.

Once you pop, you just can't stop. You know what I mean? I was just worried that I wouldn't be able to transform back into a beautiful dracotic form. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, it's okay. I hope I, maybe I'll be able to just shrink back down if I just believe hard. Thoughts of prayers. Thoughts and prayers.

I mean, here's the thing... Oh, the false and prayers aren't working! You feel your brain's mucked up body, and you're reaching deep down, and you're, like, trying to lose concentration. Or you're trying to turn it off. You're trying your bonus action, your reactions and your reactions, and yet,

no matter where you go in your mind or what magic's you entrap... you cannot turn this off. You are turning to feel like you're drying out a little bit. Oh, fuck! Well, I guess it's true that I am the bad. of mucktuck. I'm a real threat of the mucktuck eat at comments. What you're saying is that all I gotta do is feed someone just a lot of muck duck,

and this happens? Well I think it's kind of more of like a combination, like it's nature and nurture, you know what I mean? It comes from a long line of mucktuck stew bakers. Oh, thank goodness. There's no chance I'm going to turn into a hundred and ten hot dogs. Can you imagine? Wait, can you summon the Weiner Mobile to drive this out of here? Well, if it's true that you are trying, I could certainly try. Make an Arcana check. Brother's Oscar and Beyer.

What is Arcana? Oh, intelligence. 19. He farts. No, that's kidding. There's no airflow in here. Why would you do that? The air is very still.

I was trying to summon the wheel to be out to see if we would drive out of you. Okay? Because currently we're just stuck in a pit in June. I still think we maybe we just shut our eyes and try to go back to sleep. No, how am I going to go back to sleep? I got a fever, and the only prescription is Lady Wayway. Oh. Because, you know what they say?

Once you go Yeti, you never forgetty. And then you just, you got to keep climbing on that ladder. I'm looking for the next running, fellas. Chasing the dragon, literally. You. Oh. Oh, oh, I. You might be a bit of trouble.

I don't think you're going to find any whale women down here. Oh, no. It's just us guys. Yeah, I'm sorry to say. And I mean, you shouldn't stop chasing the mythical blowhole. That's a saying about family. You don't want to go down that road. You go down a path that no one can follow.

It's a dark term. But chasing the mythical blowhole is all I know. Maybe we should just go to sleep, and I'll just forget all about it. Or maybe. Maybe we'll get raided by a bunch of ogres, and they're all like lady ogres, and there's tons of them, and they're huge. Oh. Why are they going to be huge?

You've been reading way too much penthouse audience. Those stories aren't real. That doesn't happen in real life. If an ogre lady, it's at least one ogre big, maybe one and a half. I, you know, I appreciate your gumption, but Ardy, what the fuck are you talking about? For the half ogre's big around? Uh, yes, yes. You're gonna get broken, you're gonna get snapped like a drag.

Do you have a long life with very strong pelvis in your family? That's what the drugs are for. Oh! It keeps you powered through, eh? A little bit of chipper up. chipper up. It does. I guess, given

how much time's passed, I'm probably still married to Yemily. What do they say? There's probably a different zip code down here. You put the ring down. Silver wedding ring. Yeah, yeah, you sit down in the corner of like one of the

small elaborate tables that has been beautifully painted and has been beautiful. Okay, I'm going to go wait for the sexy yoga barbarian ladies. Good night, fellas. I will also just lay back, close my eyes, and think about what's happening here.

I certainly hope that by dousing me in all of your horrific whale blood, I don't catch whatever blood curse that you have. Well, good night. Well, you know, good night. You just get into your sarcophagi. There's that same droning yellow light in all directions.

New. Toss. You turn waiting for sleep to take you. About 15 minutes go by, before you realize that you're not asleep. You cannot seem to get to bed. Hey guys. Is anyone else still awake?

This. I don't know if I can, I don't know if I can do it. Oh, this doesn't bode well. I can't sleep either. It's not feeling like we gotta just wait it out. It's really usually comes to be pretty easier than this. All I can think about is Penelope. I wonder where she is now

Who? Who's Penelope? Oh, you guys remember Penelope? She was the prettiest girl in school And she slow danced with me You're talking about that chick from fourth grade? Yes, I heard she married a doctor I cannot believe your memories

Are that vivid from fourth fucking grave You really did peak, didn't you? I've done a lot of great things since then Allegedly Yes, I once met The Great Famous Silverstone born jazz singer. Do you have a single accomplishment

that's not second-handed and related to somebody else? Well, I met a lot of famous people in our time here. Oh, you met somebody, you're danced with somebody, you're the son of somebody? What are you done, huh? I had sex with us a kid in a tavern and bathroom. I mean, that's pretty cool, I guess. It came up organically.

Well... Is that in my car? Or something? Are you just making the shit up? At least I was told that I'd fucking Yeti. Speaking of the birthday kid, do you guys mind if I just play some

some rock noise so maybe we can fall asleep? Oh, that sounds lovely, actually. Okay, you know, I'm gonna pull out like a 90s CRT TV. Imagine owning the world's greatest love songs. Tell me how I'm supposed to live

without you. Time Live Music presents the ultimate Love song's connection. That's that one you'll listen. Laisiness is correct. It doesn't really qualify if it's not, if it's just it's just a bunch of, it's very loud.

It's very explicitly noise. Let's send it down. Lidl, please turn it down. Oh, I can't wait until we get to the pot about love lifting us up where we belong. Love lift us up where we belong. Oh, that song is very good. Where the eagle

are flouting high. Another classic such as, Made no, man. Oh, hey boomers. Oh, remember that commercial. I think that maybe 75% of our audience is too young to understand that for everybody. Okay. Gosh, some people have an ocean breed, so you don't have a storm, but gosh.

Maybe you can just do whale noises for us until we fall asleep. Oh, well, maybe I can try. I mean, I just became a whale person to eat some giant rats like 20. Hold on. Oh, folks. Hello. Oh, go. This is relaxing things.

Better already. It is relaxing, but... Sleep still does not come for you. Is it not possible that the rats were to threaten that it's still in here? Well, and that's why we can't go to sleep. The emperor, the late temporal. told us that if the seal was broken, we would be awoken,

but nothing has discovered our tomb. Except a few rats. And now we're just to wait forever. You think they got any like black tar heroin down here? I mean, that'll put us right out. Make an investigation shot. With the seal is broken, you will be awoken.

When the tomb is rocket, no clue. There we go. Well, for all of our sakes, Lidl, I hope the turn isn't walking anytime soon. Gosh, I hope that. Whatever you do, if Ardy does manage to find drugs, just keep him away from you. Oh, gosh, my sacred blowhole.

When 19, you pull that same drawer open that you found the initial snuff box within. And pushing away a few priceless trinkets and bibles, you are able to pull out. Now, it's a facial. It looks familiar to you. It's not black tar heroin, but this contains and you unroll it

what is clearly, if mixed properly, a milk of the poppy. It's not black tar. No, this is... I'm walking up the stairs, and that's what I hear. We're just... We're looking for drugs. This is it, fellas. This is our ticket. This is our ticket back to sleep.

What is this? What is you find? You ever had a poppy seed bagel? I love poppy seed bagel. They're fucking great, right? They're pretty good, but everything's better. Everything's better than a poppy seed bagel? Yeah, everything's better than a poppy seed bagel.

Oh, you would like a bagel dog, wouldn't you? Just a bagel just wrapped around the hot dog. I mean, the only way they made a hot dog better is by rubbing it in a bagel. It's fucking science. Just look, just imagine a poppy seed bagel, but like 38,000 over. good times better. You understand? That's a lot of ogas. Now remember, one drop makes you feel real good, right?

Two drops, and it'll knock you right out. Three drops? So just so we're on the same page, we're all just taking three drops and ending this night. No, no, we're taking two drops and we're going back to sleep. We're doing it broken up by more rats. I'm sorry, but won't we just age while we sleep? Wasn't that the whole point of the magical potion to prevent us from aging and also having to defecate no corn? No, I think we're going to eventually become like spooky zombie skeleton warriors,

which sounds kind of cool to me. I mean, it's better than being dead forever, but being alive and trapped to this tomb might be a fate worse than death. What if we are to go back to sleep? And the seal is never broken and we're never awoken? Isn't that the same as death? Aren't we just... I put him next to me. Oh.

He watches Artie doesn't even get back into his sarcophagus. He just, Oh, all right, boys, help me get a, uh, uh, uh, a, uh, a, a, a two rule back into his tomb. Well, that's fantastic. We're gonna pick him up and put him into his sarcophagus. Shuffle him in, and, uh, as you do, I need you both to make dexterity checks. Okay.

To see how well you put them in there. Oh, boy. I got a six. Fix. Oh, that's saving throws. We can post me. No, I just eat his ass right in there. You both just threw him in there and he hits the back of the sarcophagus,

and it's enough of a jolt that his snuffbox falls to the ground and scatters silver dust all. Oh! Wounds up into our faces. I immediately, like, dropped to my knees, and I start to try to shove the silver dust back in, but I'm getting a lot of sarcophagus dust as well. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too red. It's too in dust.

Oh, he won't notice. Meanwhile, I'm crele-lis. And I can't fight this for you in. Oh. Oh. They're like, things are high stress right now. I'm fun, fun.

And I'm like trying to pick it up and sprinkle it in. It's getting to seem like less silver. I was almost the sleeve. And it's starting more like kind of like dusty, like brown. Yeah, it's like a, like, like, you know. Oh. Let's just pretend that that didn't happen.

Yeah, no, I didn't you. I put the snuff-pox in his coffin with the next door. Well, I'm going to get in my sock off of this now. I'm going to take only two drops. I am not going to lose count. And everything is going to be all right. Okay, it's going to be great. You're great at counting.

All right, but I don't, I don't want to fall asleep while I'm holding it. So perhaps one of you will administer. No, no. Yeah, yeah, sure. Don't go to do it. La La La La La La La La is very important. Layne La La La Laudeau, it is very important. You look at me.

Look at me, Laelope. Look at me, Leidelove. Look at me, I'm over here. Try to focus. Let me, please. Did you ever check to the child? My tail is like to do. Do you ever check to the child?

This is, why have I never known this? Look me in the eyes, Liddle. eyes, let alone. All right. I'm going to stick it. It's where my eyes were on the side of my head. No. I'm trying to stick my... That's taking some getting used to.

I lean back in my sorry of us. I'm going to stick my tongue out. Two drops. Repeat after me. Laylow, two drops. Level out. Okay, two drops. Okay.

Two drops. You have a stopper and you have a small glass and you're able to pull out as much of the liquid as you want And then you're going to have to finesse the end of the drop. Just two. Okay. Count it louder.

Okay. We're going to count together. Okay. One. Okay. Uh, two. Two. All right, that's it.

No more. No more, no more. No more. No. Neal. No. They will. He falls asleep.

Melmoh. He falls asleep. No. You're on two! No! Nobody said that. Okay? Is it a little dull before?

Well, people say that pretty often, but... You're done with them, you're done with them, okay? It's how many go to Ben. Okay, do you want to go to X? There's no way that you're putting that matter, okay? I'll do you. I don't know. I mean, but he's to each other.

Or, I think two drappers. I'd get the shucks. Yeah, hold on, hold on, I don't know. Oh! And as he falls asleep, and as he falls, he passes out and the dropper breaks. And then he was saying, the milk of coffee is completely gone.

And you find yourself alone. You're completely alone with three unconscious silver dragon, golden, guardian, guardian warriors. next to you. Some in coffins and others just right there on the floor. As a whale, man. I look over at, I look over at Lado. That's best of you.

I look from the shattered pieces of the dropper on the ground. I look at the cuts in his hand, where the milk with the poppy's mix of his blood and blubber. And I know what I must do. But I don't know that I have the strength to do. Moving my sleep. And I look from the bloody cuts in his hand and the milk to the body.

You endeavor to like pull the milk of the poppy from the open wounds, and you get cut by the pieces of glass that enter your mouth, and you have a terrible the terrible sensation of tasting both this bitter, bitter, blood, erbacious and medicinal as it is, and the milk of the poppy. the milk of the poppy all mixed together. And you get high, but you don't go to flee.

And that fur will take a quick friend. As you give coffee here, two compact discs for 16. Unbelievable. Oh, God. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon. slash Legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive camp aimed set on the high seas, Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition.

And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Laziness. You are very awake. Jesus. You have destroyed the TV that was murmuring about the strange CD thing out of rage. Oh, the next word. And there's silence in the crypt for a long time.

You have an hour alone, a few more hours after that. do you spend these first few hours of while your brothers are asleep in the land of the pothons? In the beginning, I would have probably still a little bit of hope. Maybe walk around, look through some things, really take a moment to kind of explore the tomb. Like maybe go to where the seal itself was, look up in shirts and tags. You can look up the ceiling. You know, it's molded. It's not even, you can't even see a scene around where it sits anymore, and you can barely see the draconic ruins underneath that are sealing it away, hiding it from hopefully any intruders coming in.

You look around, and aside from the damage that has been done by, surprisingly, its very own guardians, the ring that already put on a table, the drawer half open, emptying its contents for drugs, a few broken vases here and there from falling on top. There is a very quiet majesty about this place because it is indeed a treasure trove, a place of a mystery.

You're filled with a bit of awe as you look around and realize this may be the last bastion of your people. Can't believe everyone's fucking asleep. I walk past sorry and already them in their tombs. they're sarcophagus. I step over

Ladle where I left him on the ground covered in blood. He's snoring loudly. Yeah, and smashed bits of gramophone. I mean, is there anything that stands out to me in the room in terms of like anything that would draw

my attention? Make a perception check. Int? Whiz. Whiz? Yes. 15? 15. A section does catch your eye. There are tones in this place, but that's not of interest to you. There are weapons. That's interesting.

You may be picking one up and doing some light training might fill the time. You put one back on the rack and you continue to walk around. When you reach a corner, you realize there is history here. There is so much of the culture of your people here preserved in this way. That included fun. That included games. And looking down in this corner, you see that there are balls you recognize from specific games. You see that there are playing pieces, boards, they're gaming sets on the surfaces of some of these tables. There are an almost infinite number of choices of the recreational activities.

activities that Silver Dragon Board such as yourself would partake in when they wanted to play with strategy or have mindfulness or just have entertainment. That is as important to your people as the other cultural objects that surround you. I sit down at the presumably a game like chess like a dueling board game. Yes. And I start to play against myself. I'll make a move and then go to the other seat and then make another move. And then play against my... There's no better opponent than me. That's funny. You sit down on one side and you finally sit down and you realize you've bested yourself.

Oh, damn it. Smart bastard. Lost again. Oh, I'm so bored. But I can't. I can't wake my brothers to condemn them to an eternity awoken together. When they've been able to recover sleep, I couldn't possibly. I'm doing fine on my own. I pick up a ball. I'll just play cash with myself.

No, this is good too, this is good too. I look over it, ladle on the ground, smashed the cuts of the milk of the poppy next one. No, this is fine. No, this is fine. He didn't condemn me to waking two o'emann on purpose. No, no. No, of course he didn't. Or did he?

Did he mean it? Did he smash it in his hands? I couldn't possibly wake him up. I couldn't. It's too much. I'll just keep playing catch with myself. You start throwing the ball, and what you can do is you can whip it forward

and have it hit the opposite wall and get it to rebound back and attempt to catch it, and you do. And then you throw it, and you start to pass it back and forth, just passing the time, very reminiscent of Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining. And that paranoia starts to surge underneath you.

You start to wonder if your brothers had perhaps left you here on purpose. A trap. A trap. What a possible reason would ladle of half to leave you in this space? He must have dropped the drop or by accident and you're pushing this ball. Didn't have any problem going to do with someone.

Suddenly, couldn't hold the thing straight, man. From over in Massar's coffin, you hear him say. Oh, treachery, no, my, my, man, me. What was that? A betrayal, what was that? Treachery and betrayal. No, no, no. That's stab me, no.

I there's still probably your knife from where I saw it off my blubber still like in me right near my heart I look over at a ladle on the ground the knife jetting out of him no I couldn't possibly just another few inches would reach his heart for sure you could do it with your pinky if you wanted to I don't know the anatomy of where whales but if I did I'd say it That's just an inch away from this. That's very funny. Oh, I'm mad on purpose. No, no, you didn't.

No, he did. I chucked the ball at the wall, attempting to angle it so that when it bounces back, you make it, oh, I missed. And have it strike laid along the ground. Make a dexterity check. Oh, my God. If I can strike directly at the knife, that's probably.

for more but oh I'll double twist it if we have them we got them okay okay okay come natural 20 folks okay okay one better even one better um 16 with the 16 you trajectoryize and then you sort of pick a spot on the wall you get to make how hard you need to throw it and then you probably won't do it and you whip it forward and it hits against the wall with a bang and starts to bounce back and forth, and you're like, it's gonna hit. You have done it. It's gonna smash into that blade handle

and dig it deep into the whale body of Lately. No, boss, done. Enough hours have passed that in this moment is when you all wake up. And Lately, you jolt awake only to feel the cold blade shoved into your ribs and into your heart as the ball bounces against the, against the grip and sinks deep.

I'm saying it's just the flesh room. You feel your heart starting to stop beating or beat erratically. The two of you, eyes pop open. The milk of the poppy doesn't seem to hold for even eight hours. Only a few hours have passed for you laziness. And you are starting to bleed out, ladle. I snap away.

Being a doctor's not that oppressive, Dennis. What's going on? What is this? Hey, Layle! You've been stabbed! Later on, who did this? Who did this? Who did this?

Last, yes, who did this? Well, we made a classic ball catch accident. You wouldn't understand. You had two fathers, maybe. What? I'm still really high. You guys still wrong. Really quickly, we had to stabilize him.

The ball accident and punched the knife into maybe it's hard, if you understand, more than that way. A tool, girl. Please. his wake, Laidel O has been stabbed in the heart. Oh my God. He's bleeding out, stop freaking out, man. Pay attention.

Oh my God. He's been stabbed in the heart. Did lazy whack Laidleau? No, no, didn't go down like that. I'm starting to think that perhaps he might have, he might have killed our brother. What would you say that? Might he make a hit save throw?

And make it public. 19. Oh, okay. He's starting to stabilize. I want to look around for the the milk of the poppy jar that I gave my compatriots. That's not hard to see with the thrashing of bleeding out Laidel that there is a broken bottle and dropper right next. No. No, when I took the milk of the poppy, it was fine. I gave it to Laidel L. He administered the poppy to me.

What the fuck did you do? I didn't do anything, okay? You fucking broke it. I'm a gun. No, he broke you. You've condemned us all to death, lays. Well, first of all, you didn't even stay asleep the whole time, okay? And second of all, I only awoke. Because of L'l's horrific screams!

These rich folks love up us. Just give me a fucking second. I want to go back to the drug drawer and see if I can find any, like, syringe-style, for like Pulp Fiction style. I can make an investigation check and make another death saving throw. Publicly. I, uh...

Thirteen! I run to, I run to Ladele L's you're looking, and I look, and I'm... Leder Lel! Little bit I look over my shoulder at Turo. Quick, Arturo, please. He's fucking dying on me, man. I got a 16.

You're good, it's got to be fine. With a 16, you do find some Dracari and uppers, surely enough. You know that the effects of these can be pretty surreal to the mind, but that it may be his only chance. I'm going to run over to it, and I'll... if there wasn't a syringe with the uppers I will take a syringe pour it in

I rip his shirt up and hold him I take some of my the horrific nasty wet blood like thing and I put like a big dot right where like on his chest

right where I think it's hard is and I'm like aim for the mark at tour I'm like going in I see the mark as a little rapids on it The target's like swirling and...

Aim for me! Stab me in my face! All right, you asked me doing that. I'm going to... Aim for the mark. Go ahead and make a dexterity check and see how well you do. You're twisting.

Why don't you roll one more? Oh! 19s. 19. Oh! 20. Leidel, you think you're gonna be okay. It probably isn't enough your heart.

You're stabilizing. You've... You've lost some blood, but you know what? You're starting to come too. And it's in this moment that all of a sudden you feel a puncture. And right into your heart, for sure, this time. You feel the syringe needle, dig deep, and the plunger goes all the way to the base

as you are filled with, well, it's very obviously an adrenaline slash psychedelic. I'm thinking the drug from dread. The second that he's... I will pull the knife from his chest at the same time. Seamless truce. transition. You do that. I have the heels.

Back up, folks. Back up. He's coming too. My name is Richard Mobius. I must devour the trailer, the whispers of the old ones. You eat your letter and the sun. The Saturn devours is just... I'm gonna grab one of his legs and start pulling him out of the grass. out of the grasp of ladle. I don't help at all.

Athlete's confidence? In fact, I'm all the other side and I'm saying, get him ladle L. You tried to murder you. Eat him, Nadel L. No, no, no longer. It's not going to kill him, Ladele L'l. Eat him. Consume his nourishment.

28.20. Lainel Lable, I don't have to be wear well and laziness. I'm slimy from the oily grass. Curse my bloody plumber is. Bloody Glover repose. But you are stabilized. I would say that you've taken another eight points of damage, but the wound, wherever the bleeding would have happened,

it can't because it's just sealed by lard as it closes disgustingly shut. You let me be careful. I'm going to take you on a Nantucketucket Slai ride. Motherfucker. A little bit of old wailing history for you. What the fuck? fuck, stand talking.

What the fuck is the fuck? What's your slave? What's your slave? I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm just so double cheerful and optimistic. Everything's going to get fired. We're going to keep out of here just fine.

I think I can, I'm so cheerful and optimistic. I'm going to squeeze into that rat hole. You know what I mean? You look up at the rat hole and there's still a rope hanging from it. The hook never came free from the hole. Really, really advise against it, Leel. His second you begin to pass through the threshold, you will pass out instantly.

Well, I'm going to stick my blubbery head up in there. I slide down. I think we're trapped. It's okay. Everything's fine. Thoughts and prayers. Thalps and like giant rats. Well, the giant rats weren't trapped.

They came in and out as they did. Yeah, they were just fine. They were fine, actually. I'm like something other than giant rats, the only thing that's not trapped in you. I truly believe that we have received the bummest of bum deals.

We are doomed. There's nothing to protect against. We are sealed in here forever until our utter demise. And despite all our doom, we're still just some rats in the tomb. That's pretty fun. Thanks.

Oh, no. Oh, gosh. Where's Mr. bombastic when you need it. Gosh, I really wanted to get out so we can all be beheaded for failing our emperor. It's our duty to get beheaded. I kind of wish we all just accidentally took one extra drop of the puppy. Gosh, I think I'm too much of a big whale full of that to have much of an effect, I guess. How long do you think until the madness truly sinks in? No, no, no. We're going to find the way out of here, all right? Here's the thing. No, I'm in decisive.

What am I talking about that? I don't know what to do. Five. I'll make a decision for us. Thank you. I believe that we should eat ladle first. He's the fattiest, the most delicious out of all of us. The rest of us are scales.

I'm 80% mucktuk. And from what I've had, it was delicious. I can go toe to toe with a Yeti from a certain point of view. I'm a little, you know. As long as they're porn in each other. Look, I'm not going to make a decision, but here's just an option that I'm throwing out here. Why don't we tear the tomb apart? Look for any secret levers or levers or buttons.

Or maybe at least more potion. I mean, anything. We got a fucking eternity in here. We got time. That's right. It's going to... Until we perish. Surely we'll find something.

I smash the jar next to me. I just started ripping things apart. My tail comes down and smash you. You start to turn and watch as... I will assist. You're starting to tear the place apart. Oh, all right. You crash into one of the ceramic jars

and it's full of honeies and grains. You tear into the next one and it crashes aside. Groupies fall out and back one. Exactly right. As the chicken starts to attack you. No, you begin to, I need everyone to make a group investigation check. I got a 60. I'm twisting.

Down twist one. Sixteen. Fourteen. 14. 13. This is it. 14. 14.

13. 13. 16. And 16. Okay. You're all looking around and you're finding valuable, things that you are amazed you don't care about now. In such a short period of time, suddenly realizing the sort of strange fate that confronts you, what would have been a priceless artifact on a market, something that could have made you into a lord? Lord is something that you toss aside.

Well, I would probably have a separate pile for what you get out of you. I'm very greedy. I'm very greedy you'll see. That's right. So whenever you find one of these priceless artifacts, you're like, oh, this is a nice little music box. And you'll sit in your sarcophic guy or an artie pile. You find that satisfying.

The rest of you, it's the same story. Books of histories that you know well enough. Maybe you'll reread them again and perhaps be illuminated by their mythological wisdom. But right now, you're looking for anything. Any sign that could help you escape, any sign that could help you get out. Sorry, Maser, you're drawn back to your perceived father figure, the emperor's crypt. And you put a hand on the surface of the stone now that he's been resealed into that. tomb, and you take a moment, and then you realize that there may be a button on the surface,

something that if you were to push this here and here, would perhaps unveil or reveal a secret chamber. Wait a minute. Now that I'm taking a closer look at this, the visage of my father is here. Why? Why? Does it appears though, card piece is slightly elevated. One of these nipples is extra pointed. Perhaps if I was to be gentle to the nissarer has done it. Yeah. And you hear this sound. My special move too. And you turn and one wall that hadn't been as ordered as covered in goods and treasure starts to crack right down the middle. You realize the seam is opening and that it is glowing with these magic ruins and you realize that it is turning inwards two massive tall arched doors that suddenly start to push open and out.

This is the secret chamber behind the burial chamber that reveals the true treasure of this empire. You stare through the portal, through the open way, to a center room, massive circular gate. And you know that this is a portal, a portal to other worlds. That there's a mechanism that, should you enter the right symbols, the portal would be able to swoosh and sway and open. And you could perhaps take a ship into the stars themselves. Oh my god's You opened a portal Tooran in

I can't I feel like I'm in further blood He said that if the dragon got down here Should be able to take portals to worlds on name Well it should have been obvious to me from the start And if you look at the sarcophagus The visage of my I mean

Our late emperor And you'll see that like the depressed cod pieces there and his nipples are kind of like this. I say, it should have been obvious. I lived up my shirt and like my shirt. I just can't believe. He didn't come to me at first.

Oh gosh, I knew that we were going to figure it out. We're all so smart and everything's going to turn out so well. This is what our great emperor wanted to happen. He knew that rats were going to devour his desiccated cords. So now what? What?

What? Do we do now? Now we go on. We fulfill our destiny and go find someone who can behead us for failing our airfare. In that sweet way, you do real.

The ember told us in his final breath that we were to guard the tomb. We were absolved from all of those previous crimes. We are doing our duty now. Wait, he absolved us of our oaths? Well, I mean, at the very least, we are the failures to protect him from the horrific white dragon.

I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure that dragon's long gone and all of our families are real safe and sad. Regardless, we're doing what we were tasked to do. No one is going to behead us. Flip through some of these options. Let's see what, you know, I kind of want to kill something. So is there like a portal that we can go through?

To be clear, you're still in the chamber with the emperor. It's this long series of steps that takes you into this enormous additional room that's adjacent to the one that you're in, as big as an airport terminal, with a huge, for lack of a better word, Stargate in the middle. or if you're picturing the portal room in God of War. It's one of these open spaces where this treasure exists. And you know that it takes powerful magics to run, but that once you know the combination,

you would be able to activate it and sail through perhaps with one of the ships that you can even see that there are ships that can be guided through this gateway if you so chose. Does there appear to be any kind of a scripts or archives or any kind of written, you know, something we could read to potentially... There are shells of books all around. Perhaps they could provide some guidance as to how to leverage the knowledge of this gate.

All right. Gentlemen, spread out. Begin reading the shells. Perhaps you don't touch anything. You're greasy and bloody. Wait, what do you mean? No, it doesn't ruin the bus. Is it her only salvation?

Oh, fuck. Well, hopefully that one's not, yeah. Oh, it's a set of two compact deaths for only $6,99. Here it was the whole time. Yes, Leight-Lelle. You play with that, Laetle, the rest of us will spread out and try to figure out how to work this ancient technology. Okay, sounds good.

Sounds good. We begin to look through the shelves in the book. and see if we can find any information. Whoever's looking can make an investigation check. We all look except for L. I got a fucking four. Yeah, I'll twist. I'll twist as well.

Come on. Thank you, Jeff. All right. I got an 11 that time. Titer. 17. Natural one. Aw.

Um, you don't find anything lazyness. Sorry, uh, Maysurer. You are, um, you find, you find some books that are extremely pornographic. and you get absorbed. But I will say, Ardi, you pull, the first book you pull off of the shelf, you flip it open, and it's got one of those cutouts and there's like a bottle of booze inside.

You put that in the pocket and then the second tome that you pull out, you pull it open, you start flipping through it. Navigational charts, charts not of Dracar. There do appear to be symbols in here that are beyond your understanding of the language of Dragonborn. There's ruins that seem impossible. And yet, when you look out, you can see those ruins on the outskirts of the book with enough study of the gate. You can see them each all along the ring. With enough study, perhaps this would offer you the secrets of activating the portal and taking you to one of the worlds described other planes of existence of beauty and of life.

riches and of knowledge of magic. Oh my gods. What is this? I've discovered it. Look. Alturo tell us. And hey, it's fucking hardy, all right? Arturo was my father's name, all right?

I have always called you. That's my brother. Well, I don't like it. I've never liked it. Did you just telling me this now? Well, I figured now and now and never. You've been friends for a lifetime. We have an eternity together.

We're a man and loves a woman. Oh! We found it! We did it. The Lifetime's ultimate collection of love songs. It was really the power of love. Which isn't shockingly

actually on this collection. It seemed like a missed opportunity. Anyway, dally enough. All things is with us when we blasts off to the stars. Oh, it already broke. Can you read these rooms? I mean, maybe together we could study it

and figure out how we get the book. fuck out of you. I take a look. Make an intelligence check. That's not. What I am a Viking. I got to nine. We're twisting it. Twice. Oh boy. All right. Thank you, chat. Nah, I got a 12.

12. A 12. Surely enough. The old plus zero. Artie is exactly right. This will require study. This will require some time for you to backwards engineer it and make some guesses. You're going to have to spend a little time with this tome in order to understand its contents to even

endeavor to enter the right sequence of symbols. Cursus. And to figure out what magic powers this thing, let alone take you to a plane of existence. Based on some of the illustrations in the tone, the wrong choice could take you to not very nice places. I suppose we get to studying. Love studying.

Well, we've got plenty of time. We got all the time of the world. Your eyes continue to glow blue. And you are realizing that, with the exception of the brief period of unconsciousness that was afforded you by either trying to leave through the hole or by the milk of the poppy, you're not sleepy, nor are you hungry. You feel sustained not by undeth, but by the oath that bonded you to protect this place. and you start to read. How long would you say you spend journeying to understand the mysteries of this book? 387 years.

No, I have a few weeks. I was going to say it's eight hours. And see how I felt. Then it may take a little break. Get back to it, maybe another eight hours after another, get out a little break. We would study until we understood it. Let's roll. Let's roll for the...

Do we not feel... You don't feel the... The first eight hours. Do we not feel to be disillings? Like you don't feel like well then I would yeah I would start with eight hours to see how I feel How far is it? After eight hours? It would be very much like we got nowhere and then we'd be like yeah I don't really I don't know I don't feel like

I think it's a really dramatic lifetime thing if we're immortals trying to this plunder the knowledge make a group intelligence check I've lowered the most of the end 10 Yes. Wow, three tens? Natural one. Twist it, twist it, two twists. Two twists.

Two twists. Thank you, chap. Two twists. 13? 16. Oh. And it's end? Yes.

All take one twist. Oh, there we go. Two tens, 18 and a 16. With your combined argument, arguing with each other, and debate, and sometimes, you deviating and needing to play a game of dragon's chess in order to escape the conversation, just to get back to it. You, for Kingsguard, who should have been typed, a unit of brotherhood and collaboration, struggle to reach an outcome, but by the end of those eight hours, yeah, you think that you could punch in a sequence and probably get to a place that won't be

horrible nightmare. It's got to be. You're looking at this symbol and this symbol. Doesn't this have to mean you have a loose conclusion of what you could possibly endeavor to do? And if one of these ships does what it says so in this book, you should be able to fly there. Are there ships in the, like, the area where?

There does appear to be a ship that can sail through this portal that's open. I'm beginning to get the sense that we only received these jobs because the emperor was a bit of a philanderer. What do you mean? He's our God Emperor. Quite literally, there's quite literally

that's a single explanation for why the four of us were entrusted with this job. He's got a good point. It's our sacred world. You were his trusted friends, his trusted guardians in life for decades for most of your life in the military and you had something you had to achieve and earn.

You are the strongest warriors of the I was just a drug addicts and wear away. Well, that's because it's goofy. With some silver dust. It's really bad eggs. Drink up me hardy. You do discover, by the way, about halfway through the eight-hour period, you go back to your box and you open it up, realizing that most of the silver dice has been replaced with sand.

Oh. Well, it'll do the trick with snorting enough of it, I guess. And I'll just, I'll bring all the drugs that I can. before we get on the ship. There's not much more drugs to find. You realize that you can... You've managed to save at the bottom of one of the broken bottle.

You have one drop of poppy. And you have, even though you're going to have to have to huff a lot of sand with it, perhaps two more hits of the silver stuff. All right. That's it. Don't worry. These ships always have...

Thank you. I saw them. Punching something that has drugs. Let's go somewhere with drugs, all right? So we endeavor that we think we could put something together. Yeah. Do we need to roll for it? Oh, to roll for it? Well, you haven't even walked up to the console. You are? Well, I would have said like we were, you know, we were looking at the console, we were reading the book, we're like comparing and...

Oh, I see. You know what I feel like we put something together? Yeah. Do we feel like we need to roll to see what we put into the console? Who approaches the console? I think I would. And I think so. The moment that a consensus, the moment that a consensus is reached, Ladel stomps forward and crosses the threshold of this great gate.

To enter the portal room, this room of magic, you can see the floating energies on the other side. You can see that as soon as you get there, you're going to be able to apply what knowledge you learned in this book and start to experiment. And as soon as Ladel crosses the, threshold into that room, your body goes tingly and you fall asleep unconscious. No! Layl! This is exactly what happened to me. Up in the hole that was about a dozen meat

sandwiches involving volumetric measurement. He's outside the realm of the protective magics. We are bound to this place and he has left it. We have to fetch him or not. We could leave him there. I've got big be able to Yeah, we can just grab by his tail. But even if we bring him back, there will be no way for us to get to the console. You grab him by the ankles and pull in. Lately will quickly come back to consciousness. And the four of you realize that, yeah, you wouldn't be able to cross through this doorway

and activate the console in the first place as you wanted to, bound to this place by your oath as you are. Well, I'm a lot of ideas. I thought I saw this book. Ye find yourself in yong dungeon. Ye see a flask. Obvious exits are north, south, and Dennis. Dennis.

What would sound do you? What do you read it? Lately, Lowe. Well, get ye flask. But I can get ye flask. I just can't believe we spent 387 years. Read that book. Only no one knows that brookers the cons would have realized.

Well, we tried north. Why don't we try to go into the direction of Dennis? Break tail, what direction is Dennis? Norrith is that. Dennis is this way. Okay. We go in the direction of Dennis. I think we're dragged.

There's no way out. Here's the thing. I haven't used my limit break yet. Should we just fight to the death just the past the time? We'll probably be resurrected. What do you think, fellas? I don't want to. I'm going to get me flash.

are forced to fight to the death that I bear my neck and I embrace the cold feeling of death. All right, you asked for it. I'm gonna sort the entire box and I'm gonna start to glow silvery. And I'm gonna crouch down and my gauntlet is gonna grow and glow as it gets big. And then all of a sudden, you will see a sea mammal.

appear the shape of a glorious email, weirdly, appear around my hand. As I say, dolphin blow! And I uprocut your head. And I leave, and there's a beautiful silver dolphin that comes with my hand. Oh, that's no cetaceous! As the punch is coming in, my final words are me, that thematically makes no sense. As you take my head off, I just take the blow.

I don't even try to get out of the way. Okay. I would say that you were killed instantly. Oh my god. It's just, it just the right way. Snapsed my neck. You just crunch back, and you watch as your brother falls to the floor hadn't been dolphin blown.

Did you just fucking kill us, right? Ah! You know, the dolphin blow was so powerful. I just really like dolphins and blow. I mean... Well, stop trying to play cool. You do that on porpo. Wow.

First, that's very fine. Second, I mean, he asked for him. Wow. I mean, I figured we were like zombie nights. I didn't think we'd just die like that. I think I just severed like his vertebra three or four and just killed him instantly. Oh, this is very funny. Everything's actually going to be fine.

I don't know my own strength. When I whip out the old dolphin blow. Well, you know what they say. You know what the crime? The crime for killing a fellow brother of the watches. Is it to get beheaded for him? A walkover. Free ski, yettie.

I don't see you coming. As you, as you, as you, uh... I'm like looking at my hands. As you walk forward, you turn into the free speed yeti and you immediately start to get consumed, also killing. But as you do, you watch an amazing laziness as you see the body of sorry as it vertebrae starts to reconnect and snap back together his head sinks back into place and all of a sudden you can see the

undepth in his eyes that same blue glow uh flare and he comes back to light I'm not I'm not dead oh he's not dead oh he's not dead holy fuck where did you come from Oh, did I even have a way to get out of that? Did I need to press spacebar more or something? It was really unclear. Oh, my, wow. That was quite the hit them. A tour rule.

I mean, it's oddie, first of all. Realizing the situation that you're in, you spend the next two weeks beating the shit out of each other. We do. A year passes. And you are falling apart. your flesh, your scales are shedding. You are beginning to decompose slowly, but you are indeed starting to realize that what meat matter on your bones is there. It's starting to sluice off your person.

How have you spent the last year trapped in this room together? I would have been listening to... The greatest romance Now that's what I call music 54 No what is it What the fuck moment Goody? Lifetime Lifetime

Yeah lifetime whatever You found a huge collection of records in this space All treasured Treasured Time Life's Ultimate Love Songs Collection Yeah yeah

Yeah you've found music You found audio books You found it all But it's been a year And you probably have exhausted all of those songs each of you have heard these same tracks over and over and over again. Love lift us up where we even love.

Oh my God. We're in the eagle flies. I would do all the drugs first until there were drugs. You run out of this drugs in the first week. Oh no. There's nothing that can get you high anymore and there hasn't been for 51 weeks. I would set up the chestboard on the exact opposite. that came from the growing shit pile.

Do we have to shit anymore? No, no. You haven't had to pass any kind of excrement or piss or anything like that since your transformation. Only, yeah, you had one last shit. But it's dried and mummified at this point. It's fossilized.

Yeah. Oh, no. Are there any picture books of like Yeties or over there? First centaur. I told him. Artis ever in the core of furious. You enjoyed that for perhaps

perhaps six months until your dick falls off. Yeah. Oh, that's what I do. And there was some classic, there's like the equivalent of the Silver Dragon-Born Kamasutra, you know, but that was for you. It does nothing for me. No, no, no.

You find a monster toome, like how to find and fight Yetis, and just the, like, just the, like, illustrations of like where their weak spots are reminding you of Yemalai and you look in that fierce face and a cold tear runs down your face You've ripped out the pages and put them on the wall In your own special corner that you just like go to and slap I'm usually guys turn around He's like 40 feet away at any given moment Guys leave the room he's at it again

I think we'll be out of here the next week. I think it'll be fine. And you say that every week. Thoughts of prayers, thought of prayers. Captain Cheerful over here does seem to maintain a positive attitude, even after all this time. I would play

various board games after that. Okay. After I have no dick. And if we had done, it gotten to this point earlier, I would have forced you guys to in character play skull, but we're not going to do that because it's nearly midnight. So, folks, I invented bowling. It's

Why? There's nothing else to do. What Lately's done is he's taken some of the ceramic pots, like urns almost, and he's laid them out, and he are now bowling with the skull, the truly decayed and deteriorated skull of the Emperor. Every time it's my turn, I cry. Yeah.

So why would you make the scoring like this? It's fucking stupid. Well, you know, you gotta wear a special, shirts with your funny teammates on. Squalric doesn't make any sense. Oh look, you got a strike. Let's all look at the screen while it plays weird

metaphoric, bad CGI's short film. The station from the other room flies in and crashes into the emperor's bones and they all go on. The emperor born as a child, then he like goes through life and he flies through space and they quickly

ages and dies. They're like, whoa! That was wild. Strike. And then the word strike. Yeah, strike. Yeah, yeah. It's true. And it's like a bowling ball with thumbs up. Like, yeah.

The bowling bowl with glasses on. Yeah. Another year passes. And another year passes. Soon a decade has gone by. How you know this. Only your gut tells you. Perhaps you do mark the time.

Occasionally coming back and being like, did I mark a day? How do you even tell what a day is? but every once in a while you walk over and perhaps you make a mark on the wall these sorts of things. Hardy's yetty corners stained and dry and peeling

off the wall. Yeah, it's crusty crack. Like dingy. Still more time passes. Stay out of my corner. That's my corner. You couldn't pay me to get anywhere near that corner. Hey, sorry. Why don't we play some sorry? You know what I mean? Get the board out.

Sorry for a brutal game. And you've Played it a hundred times, but... Why not another time? Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. I got a three. Move my guy, three spaces. Oh, move back three spaces.

Fuck! Hold on, hold on. Okay. I got a five. Oh, move back five spaces. Oh, fuck. Hold on. Gosh, six.

I thought we were playing trouble. I got a six. Move me. Move me six. Oh. Oh, I just win? That's it? Oh, this is a stupid game. Let's play a game. Oh, let's play the game of life.

Gosh, I'm a travel agent. That's a career in the diabetes. Oh, it's my turn to pick a career. IT specialists. Take you that, Daniel. I'm coming for you, Penelope. You wait for me. Oh, yeah, I forgot it.

Oh, gosh. I forgot that this is back. Oh, God. I get a split level of this salary? Gosh, I remember what that was possible. In your many years, you have only ever heard the sounds of each other, the sounds of this room, except for the occasional rumble. Something being dragged directly over the seal, perhaps. Or it sounds something heavy, something very, very, very faint.

It only happens when you have been silent for an extremely long period of time during those sometimes weeks or months that go by. When you don't say a word, you've just run out of things to do and say. You've told each other your life story. You've gone through every memory twice, three times over, and another decade, and another decade. Soon, perhaps a century has passed. What else are you doing in this space?

How do you spend that much time? I recount for the four millionth time about how I had sex with Earth a kitten. It's happened in. I tell the story in extreme detail. At this point, you guys could put yourself down to the clothing that she wore and the clothing he wore and what they both had to drink. And repore on her body. Well, there's a set of books called Dungeons of Dragons. I'm gonna roll up a character.

I'm going to play, uh, Barnabose the Dreadway. Try it, Barbarian. Now, that sounds pretty fun. It turns out Icebound is actually just the dragon. He's not in the tomb. All along. Yes, there's a dragon, and there's an emperor.

He's going to be a dog. And our empire has fallen, and we have to rescue the empire. Yeah. I always wonder everything else. I guess we could play. You could tell us about that one time you had sex there. Oh, yeah. The time I broke my family.

I don't know how we got off so easy. I never proved my fat once. The key is to have no one ever believe you. That's true. All right. A fearball, what the fuck is that? I guess fear bowl. Oh, yeah, no, they're cow people.

Cow people? Yeah. Wait, cow people. Yeah, you're fever. That's me. I'm the cow person. Yeah, you give me the cow person. We roll stats here real quick.

They got really popular around 2018, 2019. It says here that I'm a lonely goblin. Yeah, that works. That sounds about right. What kind of name is Scrim? What does this random generator even do? Oh, what's a terrible name? Yeah, what the fuck?

The brutal blade? God, who thought of that? It's very edgy. It's edgy and uncreative. Unbelievable. You guys are fucking losers picking last names and shit? I mean, who cares? Just the one name is all I mean.

No, my's the title, The Dredway. He's that pretty bad ass. Oh, I guess that's... Who are you playing? Well, I play Dushin. Let's see what this looks at. Oh, it's a dragon born. Just what I fucking am.

That's so late. Oh, why don't you make them gold? It's a little different. I guess. Just to run his peg down. Yeah, I mean, like... Just make him gold! Oh, look at this.

A fire set of ice, it'll be very different. Fire breath, what a fucking moron. Yeah, oh, gosh. Well, this would be fun. You sit down and you play a campaign together, and the story is long. For another hundred years, you play the campaign that you start to refer to fondly

as icebound. Wait, was it visible the whole time? You're just, you're just bones at this point. When you finish, you finish the story and tears are running down all of them. As you conclude the story and you realize that you've saved the cosmos, everything is cool and fine and your characters are off to perhaps their next adventure, and you're able to set it aside for all good stories come to an end. That was truly moving. That was a fun century. Yeah, that was rough. Now what? Who was the dungeon master?

Hello, I am. My name is Dungeon Master. Greg. My name, oh, it's Dennis. It's me, I am the teller of tales, particularly mysteries. My name is Mr. Incefius. Mr. E.

Isn't that cool? I will run the adventure. Suddenly. The third century, you hear a thrum of magic. And you turn, and you see that the portal has activated. Swirling magic therein, inside the perimeter of this massive circular gate explodes outwards.

And peeking through ahead, long ears, bald, except for but a thin... What's the word I'm looking for? Like a top... braided, uh, uh, uh, top knox. Does he have a banana yellow skin? He has modeled banana yellow skin. Yeah. Tunt, T, T, T.

And he peeks, he peeks in, only half of his body, shift, uh, cutting through the magic. Looks around and then he appears through the portal and it, Shots go, no! Turns off. No, we had to kill you. Oh. Damn it.

That's, he didn't even see us. He didn't seem concerned about us at all. Wow. Well, how good are we in guard in the tomb? And people can't walk into it up. We can't even reach the portal. Gosh, I feel like after all it'll be 387 years, I've lost my optimism and cheerfulness.

I'm down to one cheerful instead of double cheerful. Well, had he walked up the stairs, he would have been in a wild hurt. Yeah, I would have freeze-skinned yet he'd. Don't get any weird ideas. Two millennia pass. Oh, my shit.

Oh, God. And you spend the time, however, you would spend such time, occasionally getting into fights that seemed to last forever, breaking everything, reassembling it, re-reading everything, just... You fight to the death every day.

Every day. Every day. Every day. That's your morning routine at this point. And suddenly, you see the runes, the... The, the... the... the... the... the... the... the... illumination has changed for the first time and you can't remember how long. You look up with your socketless eyes and you see that the ruins of the seal have started to twist and change. You can see that original outline emerge and it starts to lift up. This is our moment, brothers. Prepare yourselves. I try to draw my great sword my arm's brain. You're still able to lift here even without any muscle.

You're able to hold that great sword. You've got your gauntlets on. You are still in the form of a strange were whale, but you are ready to rock. You still have your crescent blade. You are standing there looking upwards with insane minds, impossible minds, minds that have been locked together for an unfathomable,

unknowable amount of time. And it starts to move aside and you see the opening start to crest like a moon wanes and waxes, and all of a sudden, in comes an avalanche of metal. Coins, gold and silver, and jewels, and copper pieces start to crash down. Oh, yeah. It starts to, uh, like that, but only for a moment, until finally the opening is, is wider and wider and wider.

Figures emerge, shadowed shapes. And that's where we'll call the night session. What? Oh my God. I know what's gonna happen. What the fuck? I know what's gonna happen. Yeah.

Oh, my. God, son of a bitch. Yeah. I do it. Stay tuned. Thanks for watching it. Oh, man.

This has been just like parole already. Our second, Tales from Icebound, a side cannon adventure. Stay tuned for more. Stay tuned for more. Stay tuned for more.

I can guarantee you our next session we will be picking right back up where we left off with the party. We will have the moment that we ended in the previous chapter just after, for those of you are caught up, you must be watching, so spoilers are fine. Just after they were returned to southwestern Dakar on the icy sheets of the frozen ocean. And that is where we'll pick up and continue the adventure in real time. time. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher to unlock Shroud over Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seeds. You can find that at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventrists. If you want to chat about the

episode with the Avengers community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventris.com slash discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, so make sure you follow our socials at legendsofavangers.com slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror 5E supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again and we'll see you next time.