Legends of Avantris - Into the Labyrinth | A Witchlight One Shot

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Join Kremy, Frost, and Gricko as they meander through a fey fueled maze in this spinoff Witchlight One Shot! Into the Labyrinth...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. You have been in the Faye Wild for longer than most of you would like at this point. You've undergone countless adventures, made a multitude of memories. And oddly enough, this is the most boring the Fay Wilde has ever been. As you find yourselves wandering along a wooded path that seems to just keep going on and on and on. And though time here is different than it is in the material plane of a ventress, and you have acclimated to it somewhat, this is strange. There have been no twists or turns, and the heaviness and the thicket of trees on either side of you is far too dense for you to feel comfortable wandering into. As you continue on this path, this straight path forward, the light never changing, warm, crisp,

Risp summer day, butterflies flit around you. Rather than that, the path keeps stretching ever forward. You've been traveling six, seven hours at this point, just straight one foot after the other. Oh, this is so boring. Any ideas of how we can pass the time? Well... Turn the fuck up I was talking to Jeremy.

I can barely hear him. He's got a tiny flea. Lee voice. Oh, is Jeremy again? Shut the fuck out, Frosty! I'm trying to hear Jeremy. Are you doing it, buddy? Oh, I take my large goblin here and try to clone it

down to my nose with the flea that lives in my nose. Thanks, Jack. Oh, I'm not... He says he doesn't have any ideas. Do you think that there's a actually flee inside his nose? I mean, he's been saying that for the last, like, three days

at least. I mean, I've always thought that, I just wasn't sure whether it could talk. But the flea exists, is what we're saying. There probably are many fleas, if we're going to be completely honest with ourselves. Well, now, I think he's just one. His name is Jeremy. He's a very nice conversation on this. I've tried to introduce you at least three times each.

Yes, and the thought of putting my ear up to your nose is not a comfortable idea for me, so I'm going to continue to decline. I only got a little bit of smutche-up. on your fur once. Yes, and it'll never happen again. That you know of. Do we think that our destination is right around the corner? Are we going to have to make camp, perhaps, in these strange woods, or do you think that something else is afoot?

I think we should go left. Is there a left? There is no left. Oh. Wait. Do they? Through thicket. I'd prefer to stay on the past.

We've not done very well walking off of the past. I mean, you should fucking know that, don't you think? Why do you think there might be a weird church with random dwarf babies that will then I perform a horrible sacrifice and murderous civilians? Oh, do you think there'll be a tower

in the middle of the woods where there's a giant pig demon who's going to disembow, Cremie? That can happen. What is they doing a very uncomfortably pregnant lady? Who's going to make vague insults besides disappearing and never to be seen again? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, all of the above. I can only think of one example of us leaving the path for it to be good. What if we encounter half old garden at 16 feet tall?

What if... Look, they'd only appear to be 16 feet tall. because you're so short yourself. You've exaggerating this entire your time. Oh, it's like when there's the wall and the Great Wall that keeps out the White Walkers and there's someone who ever wrote that literally know how

tall 700 feet was. You've lost me. I think we've been lost for a long time in the Fay Wild, Frosty. I would propose that we just continue off into the Infinity Point that is the horizon at this point. I'm sure we'll find something. Infinity Point was me old band. Why would you bring up those

memories? Well, you're in a new band now. It's called ketchup leave for me. Well, I know that. Well, we're the, uh, the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, some force some. The what? George's some? Like, George's, like, you know, ah, George, but awesome. Oh, like, Jawsome. It's something like George's, I'm like, who's George?

Well, George is, was the flea before Jeremy. He didn't make it. I suppose that makes sense. If, uh, Jeremy hands a jaw, it would be appropriate because the three of us have jobs. Oh no, no, he doesn't have a jock. He has mandibles. Well, then we need to think about other name. Ah, fuck.

Jawsome threesome doesn't, I don't think that we want to explore that idea as soon as it came out of my mouth. Oh no, I wasn't, right? I actually, I actually, like, it was not fucking too. I think I found out of Hollywood video. Let's keep one. And so you do.

You walk for another hour or two. And that infinity point, that you're trying to reach never seems to get closer. Occasionally you attempt to make your way into the thicket of the trees. And you do and you wander for a bit before you find yourself spilling back out on what appears to be the same road with the same infinity point. You keep walking and walking and walking. Well, gentlemen, I think we may be doomed.

Why? Well, I mean we've been walking for weeks at this point. It's been weeks. About eight hours. You're walking for weeks at this point. I can't see an end inside, frankly. It's only been about eight hours. Has it been weeks?

Has it been another disturbance in the temporal vortex where we go back in time and Frosty starts to bank and makes $8 trillion. It was much more than a quadrillion. It was so much money. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think any of that has actually happened. No, you all have your previous memory.

Oh, we do? Yeah, this is an extension of the old Faywai. I don't have time to start the bank. That never happened. And I tried to teach you about compound interest, but... What? Yes, that's exactly what you said. Yes, I remember very specifically.

See, all I got from it was how to form a compound fracture, and I was screaming for, like, the next eight hours. It felt like three weeks. It was very painful, yes. Well, I imagine that we were perhaps magically stuck, given the fact that we keep exploding back onto this path any time we go through the thickets here.

Well, I mean, do we just keep walking or do we go back? I mean, I'm worried if we go back, then we're going to be in the same position. We could try going back and seeing if perhaps there's a way around this forest wherever we came from. We could ask those people.

Oh, yeah, that guy. The last thing that happened in our life before we were in this eternal forest. Maybe why don't we split up? There's three of us, right? So one of us could walk eternally that way. The other one could walk eternally that way. And then Grico, you can go into the woods and just see what happens.

If he will be a guy who's like this great Elagrin leader and his name is just Dante? I'm going to pay for this. Your ribs turn inside. I actually think that's a very good. If we are truly magically cursed, then the hypothesis is that regardless of which direction we all go, we'll eventually collide with one another again. Like a Mobius strip. I don't know what that is, but it sounds threatening. I mean, do we want to try it? What do you want to try it? What do you think? We'll need some way to communicate with each other if there's any issue.

I believe I've lost my Rocky Talkie, but I can at least communicate with one of you as long as we're within a mile of each other and no more than six minutes pass. It'll be fun. Are we can close that distance in about six minutes flat? Let's move quickly in the directions that you indicated. See what happens. Who's going forward, who's going backwards, and who's going into the woods? Both of us are going into the woods.

What do you want to do? I think I'll continue forward. All right, man. Good luck, gentlemen. You all turn toward your direction of choice and begin making your way, Frost, making your way forward towards that infinity point. Cremie, you turn around and head back

in the direction whence you had come. Grico and Jeremy, you turn around, you turn towards the woods as you begin to make your way. You travel for 30 minutes, Grico, before you find yourself back on the path, completely alone. But as you look, you see just ahead of you, a small figure off in the distance looks to be walking towards you. Maybe 15-minute walk ahead of you. Frost, you walk forward. You keep walking and walking and walking.

The sounds of the forests surround you. The chirping of animals, the rustling of leaves. Nothing changes. Cremie. You hear the sounds of frost's footfalls fade as you both walk in opposite directions. The scenery doesn't seem to change. It's darker in that direction. more covered by the thickness of woods, but no pinprick of light that you had been following

when you'd been walking the other direction. You walk for about 30 minutes or so, where you see off in the distance a figure, about 15 minutes walk ahead of you. Oh, Ron, maybe it's that guy from that thing before that, when we did this. And I'll start like hustling. I'll walk up and try to intercept them. I will say, oh, I can't do anything. You have rockitakis.

Oh, do we have a rakeetock? Yeah. Outstanding. Oh, I'll pull my rocky to talk to you and I'll say, ah, oh, Jeremy would like say something. Very saucy, Jeremy. Oh, I'm made it through the woods. I'll see somebody heading in my direction.

So what you need to do is go, back to where we both all separated, all four of us separated, and then make a left into, take a left into the woods, and I would have gone right. So I'm instructing to go to the opposite direction of which I'm in. And I've made it through the woods, I've escaped this eternal prison of not-marish proportions.

Over. Understood, I'll turn around and follow your directions. I turn around, and if I'm walking this way and you rent right and you instructed me to go left and I would go the correct direction. Frost, you turn around and you see Kremi standing walking the opposite direction that you'd been walking in, maybe 20 feet ahead of you, and off in the distance, about 15 minutes paces down the path, you see a small figure walking towards Krummy. well I

I think you're right I think we are we may be doomed you hear Frost's voice so are we just I mean we could you know maybe just

we could enjoy our eternity here I mean talk about here do you think do you think we're aging I mean do you think we'll just be here forever like until the end of time

or so you both stop walking yeah you notice that the figure that was walking towards you stops abruptly and just stands and turns. Just stands in the middle of the road.

There's another... Oh, near him. Okay, God. Guys, you're not gonna like this? I've got bad news. What is it, Grigo? I accidentally snorted Jeremy. I'm also the strange figure stopped walking. It seems very mysterious

and he's probably going to disembowlough me like the giant pig demon. It's a good news and bad news. No, it's just all bad news, Frosty. Today is a terrible day. What does the figure look like? Oh, let me take a look. Over.

Roll an investigation check, or perception check. Oh, perception. It's still not great. Oh, that's an 11. It looks to be fairly tall. Humanoid in shape, but there are differences. The front of the head is elongated, and it appears to have a very large tail.

I think it's a skinwalker. What the fuck is that? It's a monster, it's hideous. It's absolutely disgusting and hideous. Can you hide anywhere? Oh, God, it's green. Ah! You're green.

Stop yelling, you'll attract the skinwalker's attention. Find a hiding spot. I immediately just turned around. The both of you hear from the direction of the small humanoid that was walking towards Kremi, these squeals and yelling, just echoing throughout the forest. I think that you may be near, Grico.

I think I can hear you. I start to seek out the sound and see if I can perceive where the sound is. coming from that sounds like yeah it appears to be coming from the person that crummy had been walking towards Cremie quickly towards that that smallish figure that small green figure yes wearing roughly Gricko's out yes yes quickly after it I'll be right behind you yes okay well I'll leave the way I'll take my head and you walk about 15 minutes before you come face-to-face with Grico standing in the middle

of the path I'm gonna have my ears covered in my eyes. If I can't see it, it can't see me. What to do there? Is you, lads? Did you kill the monster? The horrible, he's ugly creature. With terrible fashion sense?

Yes. Oh, well done. Thank you. Did he have any loot? Yes. Did you remember to looted? Of course. He had this beef of shock.

Oh. No, it's fine. The creature was known as a magnificent unsightly woodcock tiny face. Oh. I knew a woodcock tiny face. World said. You know, oh, wait, hold on a second. Could you describe a magnificent unsightly woodcock tiny face?

I think I might be able to see if you didn't do one. Excluded in great details. I spend the next five minutes inventing what I think a Skinwalker would look like. based on that description just to accommodate Grickow I'm going to attempt to wild shape into a magnificent unslightly woodcock tiny face

nothing happens you really would have needed to see it I think oh maybe it's not a beast perhaps some sort of fake creature or an aberration I need you all to roll a perception check for me Oh fuck! Creamy with Advantage Ooh

I get a nine I don't know what my skills are. Yeah, me neither. I just looked up my perceptions. I'm ahead of the curve. Get out. Nine. Thank you.

Cremie and Frost. Frost, you hear the movement first. But Cremie, you feel the tingling in your nose. A creature is near as you begin to sneeze voraciously. glitter, spinning everywhere. As out of the underbrush, a small worm wiggles its way out.

And it looks up at you with its tiny face. I think that thing's enamored with me. Get away, get away from me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It does begin to move towards you a little bit. It does seem to be enamored with you more so than everyone else.

Look, look, man, look, I'm not a worm. I'm totally different. I'm like 38,000 times your size. I mean, look, it wouldn't work. Anyway. It brushes up against your leg. What's the buzzing? Do you hear that?

It probably... Yeah, I did hear that. Probably my word found, hold on. I... What is? I think the world has a business proposition, tell me! Does that mean we would have to do...

Do what? Do what? We would have to do... Work. I'm so glad you said work. But it moves around you and it brushes up against your leg. This is not a tiny worm. This worm is about three feet long.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. About a foot and a half around. Is it like an earthworm? Yeah. It's three feet and a foot and a half. It's like the yanna sausage. Yeah.

Don't injing along? Do you know me and my legs, all right? stretched out basketball. I almost said two feet around. But it's got this tiny little face right in the front. I'm imagining the, it's literally just a Vienna sausage, but is the face of the bullworm from the SpongeBob. Earthworm Jim!

Oh, at least have big old, I think the little dots. Anyways, Earthworms. Does it have Earthworm like skin? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, with the little... I got to get rid of this. I'm allergic to...

to things. Yes, and you're also very sparkly. Well, I mean, you're all sparkly now. I'm really talking about it as I do. Oh, Jeremy, what do you think we should do? Oh, gosh.

Jeremy, that's ooh. I thought you snorted, Jeremy. You're making me bless. Oh, he crawled back out. Oh, well, that's a shame. Well, I only have a few days rations in my pack, so perhaps So we won't go hungry, at least for the foreseeable future, if we were to...

And as you say that, you hear from this creature. Well, if you're hungry, I could make you some food if you want to come to my house. Oh, you are sentient and can speak language. My poem. Yes, I've got a face and a mouse and a tongue. Yes, there are many creatures who have those features who aren't able to articulate themselves such as yourself. My name's Willie Worm. Hello, Willie Worm. My name is Morning. Frost. How are you?

I'm doing well. Your friend smells good. And he's sniffing with his... Do I just keep sneezing eternally? Yes. I can't... I'm sorry. Do you need a kerchief or something? Perhaps that'll...

You seem to be allergic. Maybe you willie were more apologize. These things happen. Interspecies. Oh, good. I don't mind. I like glitter. I want to take a handkerchief out and shove each end of it. in each nostril to try to like help it if I can. It doesn't help.

I'd sneeze out for the handkerchief and say, but it shoots on her goose goes face. Ah! Oh, fuck! And I'll just turn and I'll just try to get away from him until I stop sneezing. He seems a little hesitant to let you go. Is there something about you that he's drawn to? But he's engaged in the conversation with Frost, so he willingly lets you move away and

you're able to get about five feet distance from him and that, um, that. tempers you're sneezing. Thank you for being so willing, Willie. You're happy to. You look lost. I think we know where we are, but we can't seem to progress onward from this location. Oh, no, hold on, Mr. Worm. May I call you Mr. Wurb?

You can call me Willie. Oh, could I call you big Willie? Because you're so good. I'd rather you didn't. I wish you'd just call me Willie. What about a thick, Willie? No, I think I like Willie Best. What about, if we gotta be, Lans, we gotta have a cool nickname for you. What do we think, what do we think Lans?

If you're gonna be part of our new band. I can't play an instrument. Can you sing? Nope. Well, you can just play the tambourine. I don't have any arms. You don't need arms to play the tambourine. Have you been a temperament?

No, I don't think so. We can just put a washbird up onto a us onto a stump and you just get up on the top and roll down and then it'll probably create some kind of cadence musically that we can enjoy I don't think I want to do any of that I forgot what I was gonna ask really I'm sorry oh no I wanted to see if you were lost but if you're all right I'll just go back into the woods no no we are lost we need help to get out of these strange mysterious maze-like woods we're almost as like if we're in the lost woods we are in the woods and we would love help if you are a magical creature native

to these native lands? Yeah, I live here. I just live like 10 feet away. Oh, well, we'd love to go enjoy a nice meal in your house, and I promise nothing that will happen. I think you might be too big to fit in my house. That's probably true. But if we can sit around your house,

then we can converse, and you'll have the amenities you're used to. And you want to stay there forever? Well, we're, now, we seem to be stuck here forever, so perhaps we are. Why don't you just walk over there and go through the woods? There's an exit right there behind you. How fast are you?

Will you join us, and we'll test that theory? Because we've been trying to do that, and we just keep ending up here. There's an entrance right behind you. And you turn around, and where once there had been a wall of trees, there is now a beautiful stone archway with gilded roses and vine filigree, winding up around it that leads into what looks to be a flower-filled grove. Kick Willie. Jumped to church.

Roll that. Use your cat. Oh, well, that wasn't here before, moments ago. No, it's been there the whole time. You just weren't looking for it. Well, the Faye Wild can be a little strange to people who are new to it such as us. I promise you, we looked in all directions, and there was no arch to be bound. Why are you trying to just...

Been there the whole time. I'm not being a dumb ass to a worm. You just met two minutes ago from... Because I'm not a dumbass. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Mr. Worm, I'm just a wormy willie. I'm sorry. I swear I'm clever than you presume because I couldn't find an archway. That's how stupid you sound.

Your offer is very generous. I'm sure we'd all enjoy a meal. Can you stop being some kind of creature? Can we like say since you're sentient? I mean, does this even really apply? What are you talking about? Well, I mean, you know, you see, the whole thing is like you're enamored with me, but I'm allergic to you.

It's this sort of weird, like horrible blood curse. Oh, you have a wife. Oh, you don't have a wife? Wanda. You weren't wearing a ring, so I didn't want to assume. He slinks off backwards into the woods and you'd never see him again. Oh no, there's the ring right around the base of his tail. Uh-oh.

That is how it's a little bit darker, right? Oh, that is just fucking disgusting. I love willy worm. This is like four hours that folks buckle up. All right. I have made some very poor decisions. Are we doing dinner with that guy? We've been traveling for eight hours.

He's gone. You're not a little peckish? Oh, he's gone. I think he's a really good idea. And that we didn't like Curry anywhere near, Wormy Willie's wife. Oh, that's fair. It would be a very different kind of adventure.

That's fair. I mean, we could probably find him 10 feet in history. He could probably listen to us right now. I mean, you know, he's like, totally gone. I mean, he can probably, like, do the whole, like, teleporting.

How'd your wife? That's supposed to mean. Excuse me, Greg. I'm just saying, you have a, a way with all of the unmentionable creatures that no one else cares. I mean, even Jeremy.

I mean, even Jeremy. I mean, you're saying, oh, what do you think of me like, Jeremy, take it easy? You'd think I would stoop so low as a worm? I mean, look, you know, it doesn't even have limbs. I look to make sure the arch is still there.

It's still there. Looking at it, you see that in the gilded iron that shaped like twisting vines and roses, at the very top of the arch, there is a name. Woods of Eternal Sorrow. Oh, no. I don't want to go with me. Well, I think that that's our only option

unless you want to go and make up to Willie. Unless you lock to turn left or right. No, I mean, I think this is where we're supposed to go. All right, fellas, well, what do you think? I don't think we have any options. Let's go through and let's try to keep our wits about us. These are strange woods. All right.

There's so much bleeder everywhere. You know, it never fucking gets out. I'm going to try to, like, press a digit. But even the power of prestiditation doesn't get it. It's not all right. No, it's still like in the sun, the right end. You can see it. You can never clean off all the glitter.

Nope. And so you turn and make your way in? We're going in. You turn and make your way in under the archway. And it is, there is a gentle breeze that wafts past you as you make your way in. And you know this to be the summer court. You've been traveling here a short amount of time,

less than any of the other courts that you've visited. But it is a, it is eternally the mid-afternoon with a soft, gentle breeze and the smells of vibrant, verdant flowers assailing your nostrils. The scent is sweet and beautiful. And for you, Kremie, it, it clears your sinuses in a way that you were not suspecting. And you can breathe at least for the moment. As you make your way beneath the archway into what appears to be a large hedge maze. And as you look this way or that, you're met with a wall of green.

You look to your left and you look to your right and it seems to be long pathways that extend down each side and jut off into random directions. And as you turn to look behind you, where there had been an archway. There is nothing but a wall of green. I need you all to roll a D6 for me, please. Oh, go a six. Oh, sorry, I need you all to roll a D20 for me, please. Because each one of you is afflicted by something.

The ones that have been given to you by the twists of Faye are for the entire session. These ones are until a certain point. So these ones will fall off. Tell me what you got. 14, five. Grico, you believe. you are the world's greatest bard.

Oh, classic. What did you get? Classic. Five. Your breathing is loud and obnoxious. Believe it or not, I'm the greatest bald, and you guys are lucky to be around me, he, he.

12. Every time you speak, you neigh like a horse at least once in every sentence. And a cat. Excuse me? Who could it be? Aren't you a crocodile? Griggo, how long have we been together?

How many fucking people have I corrected? And you still think I'm a crocodile? I remember when Rock was young. Me and Frosty had so much fun. Grigo, now is not the time for us to work on our songs for the Catch-Blazer being banned. Why are you, why you, why you, why you, why you vibing down like a triangle player? Look, you're like a tambourine player.

I'm not sure. Look, I'm an alligator, not a crocodile. They say there's a gigantic world of difference. A fucking ocean of difference, you understand? There's an ocean of difference. Yeah, everyone, why, why? There's an ocean of difference between our musical talent as well, and I mean, I still, I reside beside,

you lot and I'll elevate you within the band. I'm doing all work here. I'm the only one that anyone cares about in this band. You think you being a drummer makes you a musician? Well, I also can sing about as well as a drummer as the world's greatest bird. Gramey, I know that you just spent the last 30 minutes

sneezing a lot, but could you do something about that very obnoxious breathing sounds? Like, blow your nose or something. I think I have some upper reggae. Do I have hives? I think I'm having an allergic reaction. Do you have any bandit drill on you?

I step back, two patients. I'm gonna look at concern. The pollen, I don't know, it's not agreeing with me. Keep going on. That work being done. A jam station needs to come to a close, so we have partners way out of this fucking, God damn me. Jeremy, that was genius.

That was genius. Where in a world. And in reality there, he has a movie in there. It's closing the only Jeremy's all producer. Any kind of any history. What? Fucking Drew, right? You got like, I don't know anything?

So are you going to the left or the right? Um, I'll think we go left. I go right. No, we go right. No, we go. Oh, we're going left. Oh, dumbass. Let's go.

Because he doesn't have a difference to his right. Yeah, to agree with him is the problem. Can you believe you to do? Majority of rules, I get. Let's continue on our way. You walk for about 10 minutes or so down the left path before you come to a turn that takes you immediately to your right

or to Grico's left. There are no other ways to go, so you take the path until you find yourselves at a fork in the road, a small circular outcropping with a bubbling fountain with what appears to be a winged butterfly statue. Riding atop it is a pixie with a stick,

with a stick as if playing in a jousting match of some sort. And spilling from it is water into this bubbling fountain. And there is a path forward or to your left or to your right, which path you choose to take. Is there a living creature? No, it's a statue. Oh, part of the statue. It's a statue.

But it's depicting a fairy or a pixie atop a butterfly mount. Any guesses as to why there's a butterfly statue in the middle of this sorrow? I can fly twice as high. Frost is it. Take a look. It's not in a book because it's on that fountain. Is it a re- I can't.

And I continue. I'm going to really try to ignore both Cremie and Ricko to the best of my ability and focus intently on the statute to see if there are any features. I might, I might, is there, you said there's flowing water and that sort of thing? Well, we can continue on, but I suppose we could drink of the waters or see if there's perhaps some sort of magical portal here. It could be anything. Look, it's war before, and I'm going to drink some of the water.

You do? Yeah, I do. You're just going to scoop it up with your hands? Your hand completely incinerates with acid. I'm kidding. I have got to be okay. I have four vials, though. You...

You... Help. You scoop up the water for them out. I'm druid. You scoop up the water easily and you begin to drink it down. And as you do, you begin to feel the fay energies that are affecting your mind begin to ebb away, as you no longer feel the need to breathe loudly. It's just like the...

Remember when we can't stop fucking singing? Just drink the water. and you'll feel fine. Um, no. My manager specifically requested crystalline volcanic water and this is very clearly crystalline spring water

very different. I do not drink. I guarantee I. I personally guarantee that that is volcanic while they're arguing I'm going to take two vials and quickly dip them down into the fountain trying to hide it from Grico. I am the Grico Grimgrin of Hootie and the Blowfish

Kets of Lagerbeam. Grico and really the word plushes was. It just so happens that I have some of the water you crave most. This is not the final water. You can enjoy this. Oh, it's the one of my manager requested. Jeremy, you really take care of me. And both Frost and Grico, you feel that Faye energy eb from you.

And I will say you don't feel like you have immunity to it, but you do feel like you have held it off for a bit. We're going to want to make our way through this maze as quickly as we can. There's a lot of magic in this hedge maze. Well, let's not hedge our bets. So are you going left, right, or forward? Do we have any reason to change our path? I think we go right.

As you point to the left. We just went left, so let's go right. So we're ziggying and zagging. You always, if there's anything that's strange experience, in Faye Wild and weird mazes, which are surprisingly a lot. You know, if I had a cup of piece, for every time we've got lost in the maze,

I'd have two copper pieces, but if you think about it, that's still a lot. It's kind of weird as happened twice. Do you still have that piece of Chuck? Oh, it is, yeah. Can you, not on the statue, near the statue, make some sort of a metaphor or indication that we've been here before

in case this is a similar infinite repeating delio? Oh, um, oh yeah, I guess, I guess I could. And I'll, I'll just grip it from the bottom. Oh, oh, it's in two pieces now. Okay, okay, let me just grip it from the rubber. Oh, fuck. Oh, it fell into the fountain. Okay, hold on, hold on.

Let me just, oh, okay, it's just a little nub left. Gee? Oh, I ran out. It was going to say Griko was here. Well, it serves the purpose of my intent, so I'm fine. Everyone will look out for G next time we see a fountain. Well, why don't we let fate decide which way we go? And I'll pull out with my dice and sort of float magically.

That way, one and two. That way, three and four, that way, five and six. So we're going left. Okay. That way, one and two. You know what a stand? Wait, that way, left is two or three. And I tossed my die on the ground and I roll six.

We're gonna go that way, so it's right, but he'll think it's like, we're gonna go left. That's what I said. Cause I'm being proven raw, I've been going right of, you know, every single time. This is as good as plan as any. And you make your way to the right left and you walk another 10 minutes or so before you spill out into what appears to be a large

grove. It is the grass is thick and spattered with flowers of a multitude of colors, beautiful iridescent blossoms that are unfurling and almost glistening in the sunlight as if reflecting the rainbow back at you. And in the very center, There is a beautiful pond that is nestled in front of a large, moss-covered statue. The statue of a woman who appears to be bent over, hands over her face as she cries and cries, the tears draining out of the eyes and flowing into the pool. All as quiet as butterflies flit this way and that. You see that at the very base of the statue, there appears to be some sort of tablet.

with writing on it. You know, I bet this is that eternal sorrow that sign was referenced. We've come upon it almost straight away. I think a fortunate turn of luck. Yeah, maybe we'll pick the right way. Hey, the dice, you know, the barren is generous. I mean, Jeremy thinks this is a terrible idea.

We should turn back right away. This isn't eternal sorrow. It's more like the eternal mild convenience. She looked at sad. I need you all to roll a perception check at disadvantage. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, no.

Yeah, pretty good. Actually, not terrible. And tell me what you have in your possession. Oh. I don't know. I have a five perception. Okay. And my inventory includes a blanket,

common clothes, a dagger, a set of robes, ball bearings, bedroll, Bell, a map scroll, a map case, I'm sorry, not a scroll, a crowbar, fishing tackle, a flask, a lantern style bullseye, a bullseye-style lantern, a light hammer, a lock, a mesquette, a steel mirror, a net, a flask of oil, a vial of perfume, a day of rations, 50 foot of feet of hemmed and robe, ceiling wax, a signal whistle, a tinderbox, a towel, four vials, and my water skin. Okay. Thank you.

And I'll remove my chalk. It's all no. And how much money do you have? If it's called a Farewild style money, I've got like 33,000 gold pieces. Okay, cool thing. Grummy?

We have unimaginable riches. Crummy, what do you have on you? I have my clothes. I have my cooking set. You know, a frying pan. a cutting board, a couple knives, spatula. You know, a couple, like, maybe some tongs. I have my dice.

Probably a set of playing cards. You know. That's enough. Gricko, what do you have on you? My head. I have a wooden shield. Any simple melee weapon. somebody didn't do their home

which I think we're going to go I have a great club every guy thinks that Mikey Johnny call me and then I have a totem which okay and I have like a series of animal totems

probably of different carvings carvings and fetishes That was very loud. I know. I have a torch. I have a water skiing. It's a water skin. Tinder box.

I have hemp and rope. I have rations. I have a mess kit. I have a bed roll. Okay, thank you. And what did the two of you roll? I have leather armor, too. For your perception?

Oh, I have my actual, I actually have my, my image. What did you roll for your perception? 15. Okay. Cremie. You notice a coldness on the top of your head. a whip of wind you reach up

and where your top hat should be your hat is no more where's my all right Grico very funny okay and as he says this Grico you feel the weight shift on your hip

as one of your sacks is has lightened I hate saying anything to you. Oh, nothing you can say. I hate saying anything you. Hello. Ah ha!

I feel pretty good. Why is that great? Is it because you stole Kremi's hat or? It's something else to your sack that lightened your load. I hate you. Jeremy says I shouldn't say. Jeremy again. Cratery, take it easy, man. Just gotta relax, man.

I have a sense of clarity now about me. But you find that your owl bear totem is missing, and so is your bed roll? What? Are you implying that I stole your very unfashionable hat? It is frankly much too small for your crocodilian head. When you have stolen my precious prize hootsie-like, Wooden craftsman totem?

Well, first, why would I ever steal a little crudely carved wooden figure? Oh, worth absolutely nothing. Excuse me? My hat is perfectly fine. It looks handsome, if you ask me. Well, no, and I ask you, Jeremy, for instance, quite unfetching. Well, I believe it's the opposite. Wrong investigation check at advantage.

It's fetching, all right? It's more like a fetch question in the beginning of the gate. that nobody wants to do to give you no experience or go. That's how bad it is. 26. Your water skein is missing as well as your ball of string

and your perfume bottle. Waterskin perfume bottle and all spring. Mm-hmm. Yeah. None. Gentlemen, it's done. Oh, and Kremi, you notice as you're patting yourself down that your spatula is also missing.

What else do you fucking take? Alright. Okay, very funny. You know, how am I gonna flip your eggs this tomorrow morning? Uh-uh. I mean, my eggs are already been flipped. You stole my spatula. Oh, crammy, y'all don't even know what a meaning of the word.

Get all of yourselves. This is what the Lady of Eternal Zara wants us to do. It's to turn on each other. I'm missing my ball of string. None of you would- No, he's a fucking president. He's a fucking prankster. I guarantee you it's you. You know what? Jeremy told him, hey, wouldn't it be real funny if we stole his hat? Wouldn't it be funny if we stole his spatula? Wouldn't be funny if we stole his cat thing? I need you all to roll a group perception check please. You know what, Frosty, you, you, uh, smell decidedly less adolescent and insecure lately.

My perfume bottle's gone. It's no longer here. Oh. Oh, it means that you're going to have to face the fat and the reason why you don't pick up chicks is because of your personality and not because of your smell. Well, also, I have a heavy dander smell as a tabaxi that I don't really like to talk about. Thank you. I got a nod. Oh. Thank you. I've enrolled because I don't know where you can't touch the dragons. Eleven. I got a 14. 11.

The two of you don't notice anything, but behind you, Kremie, you hear the sound of faint giggling, and then you hear a voice. Oh my god, Bixie, they're so stupid. They're never going to figure it out. Oh, they're going to be stuck in here forever. They probably haven't even noticed the door's gone. And then you hear a bunch of giggling. And then nothing.

Do I get a sense of where they are? I would say somewhere behind you. How close? 10 feet? Hold on, fellas. I am going, sorry, give me one second here. It's making sure I understand this new stuff here. Exactly right.

It's not something I like to talk about. What is Dander? It's like my natural musk. Especially after walking for eight hours, my sweat can get a little... On your god named Alex Dander once. Yes, Alex Dander. Was it Alex Dander?

Was it Alex Dander his full name Or like That was his first name Alex Dander I wanted everyone to call him Dander And I'm like, I'm gonna call you out I'm not gonna do it So anyway

As well we wait I don't know Let's start Come on I mean Gravy is still needs a little bit more time For his master plan Was he a goblin

Keep himpin Keep aiming Oh fuck I'm looking at the wrong Grammy No he was No he was a He was a hubgoblin Oh

I understand that hobgoblins and goblins sort of get along, but it's a little strange depending on what... Depends on the setting. Oh. What did you call it? Was it a tribe, a commune? It was a nudist calling me, actually. Oh, was it? Mm-hmm.

That explains very much. So, as I'm standing there, my shadow will begin to elongate. out of me and then it will sort of rise up off the ground where I can try to see and I'm gonna look through the eyes of my shadow and try to perceive it while still appearing like I am talking with these gentlemen. That's sexy. But there's no there's no hat on the shadow right? No. No. Shadow. And so how do you how does that change what you would normally see if you were turning and looking towards it? So I am perceiving through it's my familiar I'm just perceiving through the eyes of my shadow

okay roll a perception check at disadvantage you perceive through your shadow and you you see that the wind seems to move a little bit almost as if there is something there something maybe invisible but you see nothing you see as it darts from one way to the next or from one area to the next the wind it kind of seems like that As if the wind's moving, as if there's something with wings. So I'll be standing there. Well, I mean, you all quit arguing and the shadow's going to reach out and try to like make an attack, I guess. And whatever's moving.

Rule to attack at disadvantage. Two, ten. The shadow swipes out and you hear a, you hear all of you at this point will hear, a quick intake of what sounds to be nine to ten intakes of breath all of a sudden. And then you clearly hear a voice. Well, you know what? We're not going to help you then if you're going to play these kinds of games. Good luck figuring it out.

And thanks for the top hat, you bitch. And then you're going to quickly hear the leaves Russell and whatever it was, this mass of something. You hear giggles and a little bit of snarling from 10 tiny individuals as they dart into the underbrush. No wait. And as you turn around to look, you see that the entrance that you had come in through is gone.

This is a grove that's fully encased with no way to leave. The leaves come back. The ball of string that you took. I used it to repair my scarf, please. You hear nothing as these creatures have looked. left, insulted by the attempted attack on them. What just happened? They were how there was some fucking fake creature's spine on us.

They said something about your head, I'm assuming they're the ones you stole our good. You hear loud creek as the water that's streaming from the eyes of the statue begins to pour even more heavily. The pool begins to fill up and begins to spill over. Ah, fuck. And you would expect the water would start to see

into the plant life around you, but some sort of magical barrier keeps it contained is now there's about an inch of water at your feet. Oh, let's look at the fucking tablets. I'm tired of these weird games. Yes, and without any exit, if the water continues to rush them like this, we may be in more serious trouble.

All right, Frosty, this is your thing. You're not reading and shit. I walk up and I start to observe the tablets and see if there's pictures, language, if I can read any of them. What language is just you? you speak? Oh, that's actually a great question and it's considerably less than last time. That's under traits, racial traits. I will also look. What languages do you

speak? Druidic, Goblin, Sylvan, and Common. Celestial, Common, and Elish. You look at this tablet and the language appears to be symbols that you don't understand. None of it makes sense to you, lines and dots and flourishes that look beautiful but form no coherent language to you as Grico walks beneath your legs towards the statue, and Grico, you can easily see words etched onto this tablet in Sylvan. A dryad born of beauty and grace, the oaken king left her disgraced. A coveted love was once returned, love and lust both brightly burned. Titania's prize was not hers to keep. Now the evergreen girl eternally weeps.

I'd like to refer to my Discord chat with Rich from two or three days ago where he said, I don't think you're going to need comprehend languages. How does it again? A dryad born of beauty and grace. Okay. Oh, let's stand back.

I can't believe you girls would come to the farewell if I'm knowing how to speak you'll allow old Greek old grim grin to take a look. A dream. What? We're gonna dry on in five minutes, right?

Okay. Wait, fuck, let's get my fucking, Frosy! Hooked on Sylvan did not clearly work for you. Now I got, I got them tapes with smuzzy. I didn't understand what I meant. I love muzies so fucking much. Because there's that one where they do the alphabet and they're like biking through a nice, like, field

and there's like fences and shit going. by and giant A's and B's are going into the sky flying past them, but you know that's just in what's happening in the fiction of their mind. In reality, they're whacking and insanely driving through people's fields. Anyways. Dry, dry, dry. Mm-hmm. Dry, and.

Dry, ad. Dry, and. As opposed to wet, well, we're wet. It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor. Keep reading. Like an advertisement? Like a dry advertisement?

Maybe like, like, like against alcohol. advertising for draw goods, perhaps. No, like a dryad. Like, we met at the... Oh, fuck, a fucking drag. I was the only one I went down to that river and met the... The brad...

The brad... the breasts. The dryads. The dryads. The dryads. The be a beautiful... beautiful woman with the women. The women that we met at the river. That you guys didn't... You didn't come down because you were scared and... Oh! When you came back and you're like, oh, they lads, I'm frosted and a bunch of beautiful

ladies thought that I was in. and wanted me to come hang out. It happened. Uh-huh. I swear it happened. Oh, yes. Of course it did. Oh, are you sure it?

I don't like you. I look at the statue. I look up at the statue. Does it look like a dryad to me? You look at it and it does appear to look like a dry. And it looked just like this woman here, the weeping woman, in the statue. Oh, I'll keep reading. All right.

Okay, okay. Dry. It's a dryad born of beauty and grace. The Oak and King left her to scrape. raised. Bo. Bo. Born.

You're on three. Oh. The water is now about waist height. Oh, for a goblin or for a goblin? Okay. Oh. Oaf? Oh, a dry and born oaf.

Like she's oaflock. I'm born an oaf. Maybe, oh, like the ugly duckling, maybe. You know that like fable of, you know, maybe she was born an oath, but then became this beautiful creature? That is a, start to a sad story.

Have you ever met a duckling that could be cold, ugly, bought anyone to you're just so cute and precious? I mean, that's a good point. Ducks are pretty cute. Exactly right. Of, and I will basically struggle. By the time Grico gets to the end of the, The small poem, he's swimming and barely keeping his head above water.

All right, Gregor, that's one tablet. Now let's read the rest. Could I actually get it one more time? Yeah, a dryad born of beauty and grace, the Oaken King left her disgraced. A coveted love was once returned, both love and lust, or love and lust both brightly burned. Titania's prize was not hers to keep. Now the evergreen, evergreen, girl eternally weeps. Titania's prize not to keep. Was not hers to keep.

Not hers to keep. Now the evergreen girl eternally weeps. Am I starting to get lifted up now in the water? Yeah. Well, I've done everything I could. Sorry, guys. And I'm going to poof. And there is going to be a tiny.

Oh, yeah. Classic. I'm just going to be just chillers. Do frogs have you just crushed Jeremy? I mean, he's got like nostrils with there. I mean, they're tiny compared to his, you know, his schnaz. Flea could probably, I mean, he's going to have to, you know, Maricondo that shit, but he'll be all right. No, the flea will drown.

Oh, yes, that's right. Yeah, well, he's probably good news and bad news. No, no, Gregor, no, no, I'll crush you with my mind beans. I'd love to see that Cremius is you and me now All right Okay, so what does that mean? It sounds like You know, the O'King is probably

Oberyn and it sounds like she had A little Triss with the Oaken King Titania got mad Probably cursed her, maybe she's in Maybe that's not even a statue Maybe she was turned into stone Oh So some sort of

Perhaps some magical Healing magic or or some kind of like the stale man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll a perception check. Actually, advantage Frost. Because I rolled a one. Crook.

Le crook, miss you. The nick of time. The nick of them. 17. Okay. 22. You, outside of the sounds of Frog Grico, you hear,

the fluttering of wings as if not all of those creatures had laughed and fluttering by your ear you hear a voice hey it's Bob hello Bob I didn't take your ribbon or you'd string or whatever my string my water skin in my perfume bottle I might have the perfume bottle but I don't have the string in In addition to your wings, that's why I could tell you were near. Perhaps you can assist us if you would be so kind. Well, I kind of feel bad because I love sweaters and scarves. And I would really like a super nice scarf.

So I'll help you if you promise you'll make me a scarf. Oh. But you can't tell the others because they're really mad. I would be happy to make you a scarf. That would be my pleasure, actually. So you're telling me that you're going to make a pact with me that if I help you, you'll make me a sweater and a scarf? As long as the interpretation of that is not that I am going to turn you literally into a

sweater or scarf, but that I will be making a physical object like a scarf that I will then gift you. Okay, so what you're trying to, hold on, and you watch as this entity drops their invisibility. And on the back of a small butterfly, you see a male pixie. And he, on his side, he has a pointed. stick almost as if he uses it for jousting or lance as his weapon. And in his other hand, you see a very small perfume bottle, which is your perfume bottle, but shrunk down to size. As he sprits it on himself and sniffs it in, his butterfly flapping its wings, you see his wings

are resting low on his back, not using them at all to keep flight. As he zips around you, Yeah, you know, I think that'll work. So you're going to promise me that if I help you, that you will make me a scoff and a sweater, not make me into one, but make me something to wear on my person. As long as we're being specific, and I appreciate the exchange,

the nature of your help will prevent us from drowning in this arena and allow us to either solve the mystery of the statue or escape. Yes. Do I hear any of this? Yeah. Oh, what to do? He looks at you and he sneers. What?

Your attitude's going to get you in a lot of trouble, buddy. Well, I mean, you were the one snickering behind our backs. You're going to need our help later, and with an attitude like that, you're not going to get it. Well, I'm just saying, if you had just approached us in a friendly manner, we could have maybe... You see as he looks towards you and he bears his teeth and they're razor sharp. All right? If you had a hat such as Kremius, and it was taken. from you, you'd understand the aggression, would you?

He'll be lucky to get his hat back at this point if they don't tear it to bits. Oh, well. Mixy, Twixie, Bixie, Quixie, Mixey, Vixie, Zixie and Wixie are not pleased with him right now. By the way, did I tell you my name's Bob? Yes, that's... It doesn't follow the same cadence

and schema as your sisters. I'm my sisters. I barely know them. Oh, no. I poof back. Well, I assume they were sisters because. because of the consistent naming. Parents are sometimes mean like that.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Are you all mixer partners? That's very impressive. Are we gonna make this deal of what? Yes. Because you're about to drown if you don't get my help soon. I will extend a claw so that it's about the size of what he could pick up and actually shake

and very gently reach out. He puts your perfume in his pocket and he reaches out and he shakes your claw. All right, we have a deal. Okay. you just got to make the statue laugh. It's really sad. It's really not that hard.

Come on. Think about it. It's crying. What are you doing when someone's crying? You make them laugh. Sometimes the hell it gives also. Yeah, like maybe, I mean, the base stuff. Look, I helped you, okay?

Where's my sweater and my scarf? You will get it. Not right now? Well, we're about to drown. We need to solve this problem, and then the scarf will be forthcoming. Roll a persuasion check. That's where I'm a Viking. We'll do it raw.

13. All right. I'm sure this won't be the last time I see you. You're probably going to need more help in the future. And I've got to think about more things that I want. This was too easy. All right. Well, that's what you get from me.

I'll see you later, Frost. And he snaps his fingers. He goes invisible and you hear the fluttering of wings as he zips around your head and then disappears. Goodbye, Bob. Thank you for your assistance. All right. We just need to make this evergreen lady dryette.

And last, what kind of humor do you think she could do? Observational puns. Puns are the height of humor. Really? Oh, um, do you hear when I was a frog and I said, Gron, we, we? Oh, yes. I did, or Le Croke.

Oh, Le Croke was, that was pretty good. That was pretty good. Presumably you also heard that statue. Was that an attempt at a joke? My attempt was to remind the statue of what he'd been saying and that that's funny for a frog to say. Roll a D20. 18.

Okay. Oddly enough, that shouldn't be funny. The DM doesn't think it's funny, but it's a high enough number that the statue thinks it's funny. We're playing the end. notice that the water begins to reside just a little bit. That was a sure.

It begins to slow down. It enjoys, she enjoys she enjoys physical comedy and wacky antics. Oh, I mean, didn't, when we first met, didn't you two have some sort of like

bit that you would do, like some sort of like slapstick thing with like a corpse or something? Does that sound familiar? I don't remember slapping any steak. I mean, I regularly desecrated the dead. It was funny every time in its own way. It was never funny.

Depending on your perspective. Perhaps some sort of like a pratfall. Well, I mean, that would be great, but... Oh. I mean, you could try. Well, yes. I will give it a shot. I'm going to give myself... I'm going to spend two beans.

Got to give it up. Got to give it up. Got to give it up. They're back. And I am going to psionic or cast, I guess, whatever language we care to use for that sort of thing.

Borrowed knowledge. I will become proficient in performance. Okay. And that will allow me to add my proficiency bonus to this role. Okay. I will use my feline agility. and very gracefully put my arms out,

and I will look at the wall, and I will double my speed and run up it as quickly as I can turn and then attempt to do the most graceful belly flop that I can accomplish. Just slam into the water so that the water shoots up and I hope that the shot included that the statue enjoys upon seeing this image is enough to make it laugh further. Roll a D20 and add your whatever. 20.

It seems to be enough. As the water, you hear a very faint giggle come from the statue. As the water begins to slow down and you notice the water table slowly begin to lower and then it stops. Shopping wet. Like a cat would be. Physical comedy is so low brow, Frosty.

Well, it's, the threat of death is upon me. I couldn't think of any actual joke jokes. Do we get out of it or is it still going to tell more jokes? Oh. It needs more. Hasn't laughed yet. Um, uh, uh, uh, do you see, did you see what Connor's shoes I was wearing when I was a frog?

There was open-toed sand. You see tons. Roll, and I should have been asking, it's a performance check thing. It's performance. Yes. So roll, roll a performance check. I get a natural one plus.

Let me see what my performance. Probably would have been funny if you'd remained a frog. I can't speak. Ah, my performance. They'll be free. You get no response from the statue. Crammy Shirley, you know some punchlines from your time in Agway. That was something of a party town.

Oh, well, look, if they do physical comedy, maybe she'll like this. And my shadow will separate from myself and my self. again and we'll do a basically I'm going to be like where do you go where you go

and then all of a sudden it's going to sloop up and then poke me in the eyes I'm going to oh oh fuck and then I'm going to turn around and it's going to bark to me out and then I'm going to basically three stooges it the DM likes roll performance strong

okay I can't believe Mikey's actual good joke. You're shitty whatever they are has worked. Yes, I'm always the funniest one in the group. I roll the one. So the six. No. She just does

not fuck either one of you funny. I'm not really informal, you know. I've a bit of a grim humor for you now. Maybe a little bit of an edgy joke. Oh, yes. So, a fly says to a frog. Frog humor is, are you getting from me? I'm just really focused.

I'm not honestly surprised you have more. A fly says to a frog, time flies when you're having fun. And then the frog responds to the fly. No, time's fun when you haven't flies. Ah! It's the opposite of what you expect because it's a fly, and it's a fly on my roommate.

15. Oddly enough, the statue is. Her tears left. Her tears lessen, a faint smile, but you see peeking out from behind the hands that cover her eyes, and the water table lowers a bit, but there is still water here,

and there are still tears boring. Oh, yeah, I won for jokes. Oh, that just makes me unhoppy. Unhoppy. Roll again. Unhoppy, everyone. There'll be a, shit, a 13. 13's the DC.

Oh. You are able to get, you now firmly see the smile as the tears are just trickling out of her, out of the statue now. All the ground has receded, but nothing,

all the water has receded into the ground and into the pool, but nothing has changed. There's still no door. Is she laughing? There's still no exit, and she has not laughed. Oh, you gotta make a laugh.

No, Frost, you tell, like, the funniest fucking stories. Remember that time that you, like, fell and, like, gravely injured yourself? That was real funny. That was not a funny story. No, I laugh. You didn't talk about Jeremy. It was funny because he didn't know it to talk, but he needed a operation.

No way, look, this is not going to push the fate. It's an eight. You're going to tell a frog joke at every opportunity, aren't you? Ball it. It's natural 20. Got to do it up. It is with that that you hear, it's a strange stone laughter emanating out from the statue

as the hands slowly move down and you see them take the shape of almost stairs as the mouth of the statue opens up wide with this laughter. And deep within the throat, you see a strange crystal shifting and moving, a beautiful, iridescent white gem. After all that,

our father is going to be a frog in its throat. The mouth closes. The tears start raining one. It does be dumbless. But yes, so essentially what you see is the laughter has made the hands drop, which has created stairs up towards the mouth, and you see that inside of it there is a gem.

And back before it, back behind that, it elongates and it appears to be an entrance deeper into this maze or labyrinth that you're in. So it is an exit, but there's also this gem that is just swirling and moving within the mouth. I propose we go through the exit, but if I might, I can use my mind to try to procure the gem before we risk ourselves. That's a great idea. I reach out. I'm not in touch, I'll reach out with my psionic energy and as if an invisible spectral floating hand, suddenly we're to try to grasp this, I pull it towards me and see if I can pull it free from

its hanging location. You are able to do that easily. And as you pull it towards you, you see that it is a faceted gemstone of a milky, pearly white, but inside of it the way that it catches the colors, it shifts with the colors of the rain. Think of like a moonstone or an opal, where there are a multitude of colors shining within. And as you look at it, it seems to, you can see where it had been faceted as if it was a larger gemstone, but this is clearly a piece that has broken apart from something else. This isn't the whole thing. This does appear to be a fragment, some sort of a piece of something.

Yeah, that's a better word, fragment. I'll put in my backpack for now. Frogman. I touch it to do that. I finally release it from my scianic energy. As you touch it, you are overwhelmed with sorrow for the moment. Do I get the curse we were talking about earlier? No.

We didn't talk about it, Chris. That was good. Your flesh slithers and your skin melts off with acid. No, I turned into the fucking sausage worm. That was a poor choice. That was a poor choice. You were overcome with sorrow from, you can feel heartbreak. But you are able to shrug it off as you put it into your pack.

I just missed my string. I don't want to talk about it. Frosty! Well, I mean, they're going to give it back, right? Right. That's the deal you made, right? No, I made an agreement to give him a scarf and a sweater for the assistance. That seemed...

How are you going to do that? I will attempt to make a scarf in a sweater. Have you ever made a scarf for a sweater before? No, nor at that scale. That's not really a problem. That's tomorrow for us, the problem. I mean, you're wearing a scarf, off, you just like cut off.

I'm not gonna do that. I mean, if there's like tiny clothes for like tiny little people, I mean, we're in the summer cool, you just get some summer cool creations. A little nice metal meta joke for you, Frosty. That's, I don't know what that means. Every time our feel said, I feel like we should eat something, maybe, maybe we could go to IHOP and get a large French flies with a diet croak. I think we best, people.

Oh, yes, yes, just go. And thank you for the sub. Thank you for the show. Thank you, George. Welcome. And as I start to lead through the opening and into the blabrant, I'll speculate that Titania's prize

from the tablet, it may have something to do with this sorrow piece. I mean, maybe. So, I mean, the thing is, is this tied to this riot? Is it tied to titanium? That's the question. Well, there is a Titania's prize at the very least.

So I will say, because I was trying, I was worried that that would be a little confusing. That's Obrin. Titanius Prize was not hers to keep. I'm very literal. I'm going to keep on this track. Okay.

I think it's more of a metaphor for the fact that you couldn't hold on to O'Bron and he had wandering eyes. There's that word meta again. Why is the theme of this adventure infidelity? First Warmy Willey's wife. And now O'Brien? I think only you all met Wormy-Willy wife,

Where are me really like. Oh, maybe it's more magical nerves. No, it's important in an adventure to have a strong, like, thematic North Star that you can map all the decisions that you make. Infidelity is as good as any, I guess. You make your way out of the statue

and into the maze and you find yourself once again in the labyrinthine hedge maze and I need you all to roll a D20. Oh, fuck. Oh. Oh, no. Natural 20.

Gotta give it up. Oh my God! 18. Oh my God. Grico, you are unbearably itchy. 18. You believe you can talk to plants. You cannot.

That feels familiar. Well, some of these are recycled. Like this one, you randomly slip a sylvan word into your everyday speech and cannot be brought aware of it. Classic flu. What does it feel like I have fleas? And you find that you're in this maze again, and it is a straight path until, and you walk along the straight path

until you once again find yourselves at a similar fountain, and this time you recognize the visage of this fountain. It is clearly a pixie astride a butterfly mount with a small stick as a jabbleon. It doesn't look anything like Bob, but you imagine that it could be carved in the likeness of one of his ilk, and the water is completely dried up.

But you do see written in chalk on the front, a G. And you see ahead of you three paths. No, we seem to have returned to our original place. It's disappointing. Faye words Well Maybe we just You know

Go to the next option Maybe we gotta like Collect the other fragments And I mean Have we tried asking That like weed over there What Is it ragweed?

I mean I don't know You're fucking rude You tell me Oh gosh Hey It looks like Jeremy's invited Some friends Oh gosh

It's a house party I'm gonna weed Yeah, just find a weed that's like growing out of the ground. Do you know, I mean, presumably you know the whole rito, a theme of this whole maze. Do you happen to know where we get more of these like little crystal shod things? No idea. You can't, I mean, what if I like pay, you know? Where are you going to pay me with water?

Oh, my God, I got gold. I mean, I can give you plenty of gold. What am I going to do with gold? I don't know, buy stuff. I mean, what does anybody do with gold? Don't. What am I going to buy? I can't leave this place.

I'm stuck right where I am. I mean, I could buy it for you. I mean, you haven't. How are you even going to find me again? I mean, I could, like, write a G and chalk next to you. Like, I don't know. We're out of chalk. We can't tell Pete.

And all you hear is Kremies have on this conversation. Cremies going crazy. He's talking to an imaginary family family family. He can hear. What an idiot. Cremies can give a whole of amazing magic. possible that he's telling the turtina. So you have no, you've no fucking clue.

You are totally worthless. I'm quite literally a weed. Oh, well, I mean, I guess you are quite literally a weed. I don't know why I thought you may know. I mean, given that your entire existence and being is like a part of this maze, I thought you may have some sort of like, Eldridge and heroin. Okay, I'm gonna get the bottom.

I'm gonna actually cast a speak of plants. Okay, Krebby, want me, speweree, Mr. Weed, more name is, I'm gonna call you, Mr. Mr. Weed, my name is Gricker Grim Grin. I'm the brains of this operation, as you can tell. We are looking for the direction of a strange crystal. Now, I want to listen to my

reptilian friend here. He can be very misleading and trickerous. I'm sorry, what was your question? By the way, my name's Weidney. What do I hear? Nothing. Oh, Weedney. I think he said your name was Bob or something.

What? No. Weedme. It's like Wendy, but with Weedney. the front. Oh, Whedney's just in like a long E. Yeah. Oh, and you reversed the word. That's very clever. Are all weeds named Weedney? No. Oh. Well...

There's Weedanel. A weedanel? Is there like a weedle? No. That's a stupid name. I agree. That's what Kremie was saying. Anyway, don't listen to this idiot. My name is... What do you mean? I can't understand a word he's saying. You know that we's not talking, right? She's not saying shit to you. I think... I must have a gift. Isn't that right? We can you hear me? Can you understand me? Yeah, I can hear what you're saying? Yeah

Yeah. No, our name is we need no what no it's it's it's it's some rough guy named like bill Grico which one of us is telling the truth throughout the plan. Oh, I have incredible magic's too. This is something very rowedly is going on. What's your you name what is it? No, my name's Fernie. Oh no, it's It was a funny, sorry. Oh, what it was... It would have been strange. Oh, you're right, it is something furry is...

Routly. Well, something very rowdy is going on here. I mean, strange. Oh, so you can speak in that region. So, did you have a question to ask me or what? I was very reasonable. I was getting ready to go down for a nap. Oh, no.

We're looking for where we should go for the next crystal. What crystal? Oh, there's crystals, maybe. We're trying to make a crystal. We're trying to go out of this maze. Where should we go? Left right or set out?

Well, that really depends. Do you want to go to the left or do you want to go to the right or do you want to go to the center? I want to go to the place, the path of least resistance. Then you should go forward. I said it were boring, eh? Oh, fine. Forward? Yeah.

Okay. We go forward. That's what we needney says. Good luck. No, no, no. It's, it's, it's, his name, Fernie. And he didn't say shit. I think Fremmy's falling head.

You too much rum and it's fried his brain. Look, regardless, there are two more ways to go. So, you know, it's this. We're gonna go straight. We're gonna go straight. All right. Oh, thank you, we need you. You've been very helpful.

I appreciate. You're welcome, good luck. Thank you, thank you very much. Follow me, lads. Told you the brains of the operation, all this. We'll go forward. Forward and full night. You make your way forward.

You travel for 15 minutes. Oh. Winding through pathways, making lefts and rights and turning this way or that, until you finally spill out into a dry heat as the sand whips around you. The sun is set to eternally noon. You feel the warmth on your skin.

You feel the liquid in your mouth dry up. You're thirsty. Very, very thirsty. And often the distant shimmering, almost like a mirage, you see an oasis. Crystalline pools surrounded by green vegetation, large palms. Looks to be maybe a 30 minutes walk

from where you are now through the sand. I think we need was poisonous. And yes, you are still dealing with your fay. You think that maybe those palm trees up there, they probably are a little more knowledgeable than that. Oh, do you think I'll get some alo? Can we make some cream out of the palm trees if we hack them apart?

I don't stir any aloe. What? What? I don't stir any aloe. If I had some, I would give you some, but I don't stir it. Oh, I just would like that. Why would you stir it?

I also want to apply it. You're both being very permic. Let's focus at the problem with the hand. Yeah, stop being so permic, crummy. These must be like mystic words. He means obtuse. Do you know what that one means creepy? Am I aware that this is happening?

No. Okay. And you can't be made aware that it's happening. I'm just pretending that it's. You're in a prison of my own design. You randomly slip a silver word into your everyday speech and cannot be brought aware of it. It's in there. Look.

That's clearly the next place to go and I could really use a drink of water, so let's get going. It's also possible that the water will have the same healing properties as the wintily that we went to earlier. That's a great point. Frosty. Are these like Yulong-Ease words? I mean, what the fuck you say? Yeah, Grico understand them because he speaks still them. We just said, the Wintilly, you f-frey, moron.

You uncultured sworn. Let's ferret. All right. Well, I just look confused. Let's make like a small, small weasel-lock animal in ferret. It's a classic human saying. You say it all the time. Let's go.

We attempt to get to the mirage. You travel the 30 minutes to make your way towards what you were afraid would end up being a mirage, but it is not. It is truly an oasis in the middle of this vast desert. And you see desert spreading out outside of this oasis, what looks to be hundreds of miles in all directions. This is the only point of vegetation and source of water in this entire place that you found yourselves in. And as you make your way down towards it, there is a beautiful crystalline pool, palm trees all around you and nothing more. No signs of animals, no signs of pixies, no signs of anything but water and trees. I immediately go to the water and take a vial.

I need you to roll a charisma saving throw. Just him. Yep. Yeah. He's the only one going to the water. You reach down, you pull your vial out, and as you go to dip it into the water, you catch your reflection and...

15. Hmm. Okay, good. Okay, good. You catch your reflection, and you are overcome with vanity and lust. is you stare into your own eyes, your beautiful eyes, you see what those dryads down at the river had saw on you. You don't understand what Grico and Cremie are saying about you not being this incredibly attractive cat.

You don't even need your personality. Look at that face. Look at those broad shoulders. Look at that heaving chest, the rippling muscles. You are perfection. You are overcome with lust and vanity and narcissists. Oh, Frost. You, Popper Cavist, you. Oh, boy.

I'm a blush. You Papa Cavalice. You Papa Cavalice. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Frosty. Look, you're clearly too smart for me. Excuse me. Excuse me for you mean. Do I not achieve getting water?

Oh, no, you can get water. It takes you longer than usual, and you notice that Frost preens himself as he dips down to get the water, he gets distracted by his reflection, as he smooths his eyebrows and touches up a little bit in his hair, and he realizes what he was doing, he attempts to get the water again, and he prines himself a little more. You see as he makes smoochy faces at himself in the water. He's clearly very attracted to himself. Are you gonna drink that?

Dubellera. I at least get two golf before it's still in my brink. You do, and it tastes delicious. It helps with your cracked, dry lips, and with the thirst that you were feeling, but it does not clear any of your face. And fucking inches! I'm going to go, uh, attempt.

No. Should I drink, should I drink this water? Oh, and I need you to roll perception check for me, please. Me? Mm-hmm. I would like to look- But you are overcome with, you are overcome with vanity,

so that will be a disadvantage. Oh. Cremia tin cluedo. I'd like to look around to see if there are any kind of aloe-like plants with my- Just palm trees. Nine. Yeah, you stare into the water

and you think for a second that you see something in the very depths of the water. This is a shallow pool and it's crystalline. It's barely clear, but you are just so distracted with your perfectly chiseled jaw And could a nose be any straighter? Could lips be any fuller? Could eyes be any brighter as you turn your attention

directly towards your reflection? I turn to the palm tree, the closest palm tree. Mm-hmm. Um, he's kind of, he's like speaking in tongues. Can, is this water safe? Well, hello, good sir. Welcome to the oasis. Why don't I do there, fella?

What's your name? Oh, my name is Paul. Palm tree, Paul. The name is Cremantlea Crewe. Welcome to the Desert of Desire. It's great to have you here. All right. Desert of Desire, look, this place is called the Desert of Desire.

According to my new friend, Paul. And can you help us with the mystery? Does he have any aloe? Do you happen to have any aloe? I'm a palm tree, sir. No, he does not. He is a palm tree. Ah, it's okay.

Would you like a coconut? Uh, yeah, sure, yeah. All out, I'm afraid. Well, I'd like one. Jeremy, I'm sorry. My notice is so much. I know this is going to really deval your property, but I can't help it. Oh, no, he drowned.

Oh, Jeremy drowned? Yeah, he's dead. Oh. He's not. Goodbye, Jeremy. It's unfortunate, but as far as your it's concerned, it's clear that his lownels are not. Jeremy always had the best loud nose. We never could have to do this one shot.

I'll drink some of the water. I need you to roll a Constitution saving throw please. This is some tasty water. Sorry, charisma saving throw. Charisma. You don't say that is where I am a Viking. Charisma is, that is a 26. You reach down and forth a,

For a second, you are distracted by your reflection, but the magic of the reflection and the sun shining on this pool cannot hold on to you. You are above this kind of charm as you shrug it off and use your old perception check for me straight. Oh, natural 20 plus five is 25. And as you, as you shrug it off, you see that at the very bottom of this,

very clearly, very clearly visible, only beneath maybe three or four feet of water. Pure crystal water is a tablet, very similar to the tablet that you saw at the base of the willow, or of the base of the statue. You know, you could have mentioned the tablet at the bottom of this pool here. I mean...

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know which was of any importance. You were asking me for aloe and coconuts. I asked you for the importance of like, well, what's the key to all this, you know? And clearly, if there's a tablet at the bottom of the pool. There are no keys here, sir, but there is a tablet at the bottom of the pool. And I'm going to...

I'm not going to dive in. You're very welcome, sir. I can provide nothing any time you would like. I'm going to swim down to the bottom of the pool and read the tablet. What languages do you speak? Common and triconic, I guess, yeah. You look down at the tablet and it says, Heinflin'Flying Party Party, McFadu Man Tidi-Boo,

Wandsbindin-Din-Farsh. Who pan-born? Dingle Hopper. Farm mom. I'll smooth it back out. There's a tablet at the bottom of the pool. RICO, you're only going to make a disorder if you keep doing that. I already have a disorder.

Plantza. And it's the Jeremy's gone. It's not nearly as eloquent as the last poem. It's like said something like McFlory Blah McFlupe. I don't really understand what you is. As you say that, Grico, you have, hear the words, she turned to Oak to protect.

Oh, she just turned to Oak to protect. That's so heroic. Just like Jeremy. I'm not sure I understand either of you, Streets. Oh. You're all talking Blasker.

Quit talking Blaskett, Frosty. And let's get to the case. And morning, Jeremy. Go down there and read that soul, diaper. Gosh. Pussy, now he knows a little bit it's open. Suddenly he knows what to do. Fine.

Yes. It's what Jeremy would want. Oh, look. Trying to swim down there. I need you to make a Charismus saving thing, please. Right on the edge. We'll see.

Charisma? Charisma. You stare into the Dems. And you see. the outline of the tablet, and you're about to dive in to go for it, but you catch that beautiful

green tint to your skin. Oh my. Those sharp serrated goblin teeth. Your bulbous nose. Your discolored teeth, I should say. Your hair hanging matted and unclean

near your face just gives you that rugged charm. And you are handsome. And then you notice Frost. Oh. That is the hottest cat you've ever seen. Frost, you see Grico.

Oh, my. You've never seen a goblin in this way before, but reflected in the pool, that is one sexy goblin. There we go. Frost. Have you always been so geolagrap? Frosty. I'm not a furry, but... I've never considered...

slatting you before. But I've never noticed your bundler. I finally know that why I'm so itchy, I'm allergic to just raw animal magnetism. Jump into my cherubs. I thought you never asked.

I don't know how we saw this problem. I can understand the McFlobby gloomy anything, so did you read the tabman? I read the songs. I would say it's, you could go down and remove it from the water. It's not like a ton tablet. Just, I'll be right back. I'll swim down.

I'll grab him like, come back up. In the meantime, we find our way behind a palm tree. And we doces nests. There's many galiles in all directions. Smentor. Oh, you're smenthal. Very adventurous.

And once we're squeezed, we walk back out and we're hiding. You both come to squeeze Yeah, a minute before crummy comes back up Cremie. Cremie. Read this. Oh, guess we can finish up with a romantic tale. I'll read it.

Just so he'd get us fucking iced over. Read it, Grico. And oh, greenle. I love the way. Please don't never say greenal. That's a, that's, that's brits too far. I love to way you green on frostb. They're sitting unusually close.

You know, I always wondered about you, dude. She turned to oak to protect her soul. The love of a king had taken its toll. Her roots have spread far and wide, building walls to keep her pain inside. Controlled by lust, the girl was blind, a crystallized heart to protect her mind. I didn't hear any of that.

I can't think about anything other than what's happening in my reality right now. I need to write this down. Holy shit. One more time. Oh, my eyeball eats you, hold on, hold on. I'll get it. Oh, oh. Oh. Your tongue is so rough and feline.

Oh, that would be. Yeah, why would you choose this? This is the fate I chose. She turned to oak to protect her soul. The love of a king had taken its toll. Her roots have spread far and wide, building walls to keep her pain inside. Controlled by lust, the girl was blind, a crystallized heart to protect her mind. What do we do? What do we have to do at this time in a moment?

It's so beautiful. Remarge me of you, Fausti. I would never make you turn to oak. I'm not like the only end of the compliments. If we're going to get back home and mental, then we're going to need to solve this riddle. As you say the word riddle, you see standing behind you between two palm trees

a sphinx, almost as if appearing out of nowhere. Oh, shit. Wow. Oh, no. We have frosty. We have a voyeur. Yes.

Astraff. I was hoping he was gonna be Willie Worm, but here we are. I feel like showing our new friend my ass trap. This is nice, that's a nice mini, I'm gonna say. As Derek, a human being who is separate from the situation. Holy shit. Oh, thank God. Please, help us. Please. Boneszi.

How don't get out here? Do you have any aloevara? Each of them I leave. may leave if a riddle you can answer oh step between my paws and answer me once should you fail death you shall find oh fuck wait like like literal death is more like a metaphor for like you know like oh we're cast it down and we can try again you watch as it elongates its body and stretches beneath the sun it growls it and it looks towards you but does not answer. And there seems to be, this thing is huge, and there seems to be a space between its paws

where you could stand, almost like a pedestal. One wrong answer, and we died? I mean, that doesn't sound very, I don't like those odds. Neither do I, but I feel very intental. Intental? I think I may endocked this. Let me give it a... And doctor?

A fishaber. Frosty, I love it. You know, you're probably not the right person to go first, given that. I don't think you're in your right mind right now. And I hate to break this to you, but you speak in nonsense. And Grico's pretending like he understands what you're saying.

If anyone is going to resent us, this is me. And feeling the narcissistic... Oh, no, you can resent us this, Frosty. I will immediately walk up with him. Ask if he has any lotion. The lotion comes later. What is always in front view but can't be seen? You're Millie.

Correct. They accept it just. Yes. The answer was the future. That's what I fucking want to do. I should have written it down. I'm such an idiot. But that was very clever, so I'll give it to you.

The Sphinx says correct, and you watch as in the center of its, chest where there had just been the carved decorations of its large neck piece, a door now forms. And you see that there is an entrance of sand and stone that leads out into a forest pathway. And shining on the other side is another crystal shard. Thursday, you're so smart. You see, everybody, that's where Frost is a Viking. And the word for Viking and Sylvan is the same as in common. Wait, there's just one riddle?

Each will answer a riddle on their own. Oh. We can't just go down the foreshed. I feel so inspired by that. You may enter me, Frost. Oh. I look very jealous. Frost helps those who endocks themselves.

And you run through and you run across the sand, your feet, find purchase on the soft, mossy ground of the forest floor as you make your way to the other end. And as you look through, you see Kremi and Grico on the other side as quickly it fades into that same foresty hedge. And standing or twirling in front of you held aloft in midair is another piece of that crystal. It looks like it fits nicely with the one that you have in your back. I will put them together and yell for the portal. And as you grab onto it, you feel lust to overcome you for a moment. mind-numbing, mind-controlling lust. You feel of overcome by this, you would make poor choices.

All alone, I'll take a bath. But you are able to put it into your pack with the other one. You've got this, can I yell through the portal, or is it? As you yell through the portal, it will close. Grimmy, you've got this, and Grico, you've got this too, you sexy Millie. The two of you stand before the sphinx. Wait, do I get to end? Until you if I'll get it right?

Yes. Me next, me next! Oh, and Frost, you feel that those, the lust, the narcissism, and the speaking with one word and fay, that subsides from you. Hazah! I got a fucking cigarette. You did just flork Frost. We florked? We faded into black.

I'm so glad two of you failed. This podcast is brought to you by. our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Avantress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas. Shrout over Saltmarsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more.

Thank you. Frost, you shout out to your friends as the foliage, the wall of the wall of vegetation blocks them out. Cremie and Grico, you stand before the Sphinx as it writes itself and prepares for the next of you to step up to the pedestal. And Grico jumped in. Yeah.

Oh. Grico, you stand before the Sphinx as it leans down towards you and it says. Oh, oh, shit. Let me turn this off. Oh, sorry. It's okay. I'm going to keep me this.

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it? I'm going to look. There's two answers to this question. I'm going to look at the door where Frost had gone and disappeared from me, and I'll say, he was wind? There were two answers, promise or heart? Wind and silence. But I didn't think about wind or silence.

I'm just going off of the random riddles I found out of one. But as he says, as he says correct, you notice the door that opens up. And standing on the other side of it is Frost. And he looks like a big bowl of cereal in the morning. Oh, I'm coming, my green. I've got the lust of war, but I'm just. and you watch as Grico makes his way through the sphinx through the door at the base of the sphinx and as it closes behind him, Kremi, you are left alone in this oasis.

Grico and Frost, you are now standing, looking around you, there is only one path forward as you wait for Kremi. All right, well, that last one was too hard. So, hey, what's the worst that could happen? All right, hit me. You step up to the Sphinx, and it speaks. What can't talk but will reply when spoken to? This is where we're going to die. Oh, no. What is the air-few-velocity view of a swallow?

Red, no, blue, ah! Oh, I know, a big old bowl of skier. Can you repeat the rhythm? What can't talk, but will reply when spoken to? Frost, so Gricker would have known this one. Yes. I would have. It's a big old both gear.

Oh, it's not a little bit of his gear. Jeremy's now in your nose. It's a big old both key. They're cranny. There's plenty of old. You can eat the key where I'm at. What can't talk, but we'll reply when spoken to. I guess.

It kind of sounds like a, can I like talk to myself? Yes. And you hear behind you the fluttering of wings. I turn and look at the wings. You see nothing, but you can hear them. You can feel the way the wind moves. Seems to be three or four sets of fluttering wings. I'll

sloop into my shadow and I'll go up and I'll try to like you know I'll look like I'm thinking in front of the Sphinx and I'll try to find Hey!

Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. Come on. Come on. That's con. We have twists. Two nights. But it's max.

Twizzle, twist it, twist it? Right? Doesn't that how it doesn't it work like that? Yeah, you have twists of fate. Hold on. I mean, it's persuasion. It's going to be

crazy boogent. Oh, yeah. It's going to be 9.17. Okay. You immediately hear the sound of wings disperse and fly off in all directions. But you feel a weight on your shoulder as if one of these entities is now sitting perched. What are you going to give me if I help you? I already got your top hat.

I had a feeling. Are you going to apologize for what you tried to do to us in the other glit? If I apologize, you don't tell me the answer to this real. No, but I'm more likely to help you if you're going to give me something good. Well, I apologize for the... Say, Bixie, I apologize for trying to swat at you and your friends. Bixie, I apologize for trying to swat at you and your friends. And for making a deal with Bob.

Why don't I make a deal with Bob? One of your friends did just apologize for it or I'm leaving. For him making a deal with Bob, sure. All right. All right, so if you help me, how can I help you? Let's not have to me to decide how you're going to help me. You've got to decide how you're going to help me.

What kind of deal are you going to give me? Don't you dare pull out your phone and try and look up the answer to this riddle? I'm not, well, do you want this grig fiddle? Oh, I do. I do love a grig fiddle. Well, I got this grig fiddle and I can't play. It's all yours if you help me out. Oh, boy, but it's, oh, I really want it.

Are you sure I can't? have it. If you tell me the answer to this, you will. I'm not going to tell you the answer, but I'll give you a hint. All right. Well, what the fuck am I going to do this anyway? I'll hand her the fiddle. She reaches out and you see as she materializes on your shoulder. She reaches out to grab it and immediately shrinks down to a tiny size. And she looks at it longingly. Think about what happens when you speak loudly in a cave, you idiot. And then she disappears. No, that's too odd. That's where my mind jumped, but that doesn't really make sense with how the riddles worded.

No. My Grinfield. I wanted that. My mind witch. That was literally the answer that I was thinking, there's no fucking ways that. Good luck, don't die. Hope I'm not telling you a lie. Can you repeat it again?

What can't talk, but will reply when spoken to? This is a bad riddle. See, here's the thing. It's not like, it's not... What do you mean it's a bad riddle? Like a cut in half. No. It's like the cave of one.

You like, no, you die. You will die. All right, all right. Is it an echo? A diamond in the rhyming in the rind in the rough. What did you say? An echo. And your watch is a little.

the door shifts and opens. You gotta work on your riddles, buddy. The door shuts immediately, and you're trapped inside forever and you die. I don't say that. Cut to a thousand years later, and there's just a bleached checkbook. Holding a fiddle.

A bleached alligator. Hatless. What did you write down? Mirror is reflection. Oh. Because I thought you were mapping to the fact that the trigger for the Christmas saving throw was seeing a reflection in the pool and that that would be the final little. I would say if you had said that, I would have accepted it.

I wrote an echo. So with how it's worded, it shouldn't be, like, at least echo was the first thing I thought of, but I'm like, no, with how. Why is it? Because you can't. Read it again? What can't talk, but will reply when spoken to? You don't speak to an echo. Right? So I was thinking, like, oh, a canyon, like, because a canyon makes an echo, so it might be canyon, but then the cave, like, wall, technically.

All I know is that I got it. I didn't write a big whole bowl of ski here. Um, uh, I mean, I only wore off. You get it. Oh, it finally wore up. You're a good friend. Oh, yeah. Oh, hey, champ. Oh, buddy. Ah, er.

You see that game last night. No, oh yeah, no, I mean the fleeting flare off on the trunks all thought they had it this time It feels like shit in here Congresolution program I mean it It was really really I love this game Is there another piece of the crystal

Yes, um I would give it to you but it uh fills you with the same kind of lust that uh no we were uh... magically possessed mine and are no longer, never will need to worry about it for again. And you find yourselves with a long path ahead of you. You travel for 30 minutes an hour. Oh, I love fleen flail. Give me a nice ale.

Before you finally find your way back to what appears to be that same outcropping, where there is the statue in the fountain that is all dried up. The G is slowly fading, almost as if it It had been written there 20, 30, 40 years ago. And there is the weeds still go? Or there? Is the weeds?

The weeds that you had been talking to have long since died and regrown to other plants. As you see that there are now three, there are still three paths in front of you. Oh, and I need you all to roll a D20. Oh, no. Nice. Oh, seven.

Lucky number seven. Dose. You cannot use. your eyes and ears at the same time without producing hallucinations. Oh, me? Yes. So you have to close your eyes to hear or you have to cover your ears to see. Are you a horrible hallucinations? I don't know what's going on with a but I with a 19 way maybe I'll find out. I need you roll again.

Oh, I'm staring it in the face of God. God! Dear everyday speed, it cannot be brought away of it. Wait, what? He got it again. Is that to re-roll? Sure, you can re-roll. You got one more re-roll, and if I don't like that one, you're going to take 16.

Three. I think three has already happened. Has it? I don't like number three. Roll again. Three sucks. I got two, by the way. It doesn't work because Hootsie's not part of this.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Roll a D4. Four. Perfect. Perfect. When she laughs when you roll, that's when you know that you're fucked. You lose one D4 letters of your name.

Your name is now, and that's like all of us acknowledge that. Yes. Yeah. Man. Yes, what is it, Grico? And the joy and hopelessness of existence. You can see anything.

I got a two. You got a two? You were obsessed with the kitten. With kittens? Yes, or cats. Oh. Oh, no. When you were a taxi, which is different than a kitten, I'd argue. So that was like a universal magical enchantment.

Like, they just, my name's always better. Yeah, your name is just F. Well, would we know it as F or as F? You would know it as F. Yeah. You're pronouncing the F. You know that that is the letter F, so you could still call him F man. Yeah.

But when you're talking to him instead of saying Frost, you'd be like, hey, do I still have mourning? Or is morning? Oh. Oh. Actually, let's find out what your new name is. Yes, let's randomize it. My name is Morf now.

My name is Orifo. Your name is Morig Fott. M-O-R-I-G-F-O-T. Morg-F-T. Morg F-O-T. Morg F-F. Yes? Moof. Black Waves-teaming is salt to foam to smother this young bloated mouth

with putrid pungent slime to choke ye in gauzing your organs till you turn blue in cockle cells and slittering tentacles, tail, steaming beard, and take up a bit thin, it tried it. RICO seems extra fey wild at this time. Are you okay? Are you feeling lucid? He doesn't seem that different, honestly.

And kittens are kind of cool, I guess. Mm-hmm. Well. Blunches through your gullet, bursting ear, bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film. now and nothingful but harpies and the soles of dead sailors to back

and clon feed upon ah! Looks like Morg Fon's going to have to get us out of this one again. All right Fawt look, you're awfully cute gnaw with your kitty cat wades. But could you get him to shut the fuck up?

Um, I don't know what you're experiencing now. We need to continue on this right path. Swallowed by the waters of the dread emperor himself. Forgotten.

To any man, to any time, forgotten, forgotten even to the sea for any stuff that is part of Grico. Even any scantling of my soul is Grico no more, but now is of itself the sea. Do you think we can... Can you continue?

Do you need health? to save, you need help. I mean, I think he's done. We put him out of his misery. At this point, what the fuck do we do? Let me see if I can... Let me just see how this works before I spend beans on it, goodness.

Lest you should spend your beans, Morg Phott. Morg Phot. Great name. All right. Last for a minute. I don't know if I can help us. Um, Grego, just, just look away. Like, uh, don't, don't look at whatever you're seeing.

You seem, you seem distracted by some strange vision. It's not real. Just close your eyes. Uh, oh, that's called nice. But are you all right? Are you back to normal? Yeah, well, wouldn't I be. What's going on?

What's happening? What's been happening? Well, your eyes are closed. Oh, I was wondering why I'm so dark in here all of a sudden. If that's all the problem, then I propose we continue on the path. Jeremy says I finally ascended to my true fate. Yeah. And the goblin I was meant to be, which is not a goblin, but really an avatar of the sea, apparently. I'm not...

The sea? Yeah, I don't know why. Do you want to keep your eyes closed? Should we... I think maybe because the last memory I have, we weren't a pirate ship sailing into some sort of great maelstrom, and then suddenly reality and all the laws of physics, Maybe I became an avatar of all of the seas of adventures. Ah!

Wait, so, did you open your eyes and do that again? Yeah, I closed them again. Or, unless you want to do a bit. You're gonna open your eyes again. Do I have to? Yeah. Close them? Oh, that's not.

You fine? Open them again. Ah! Close them. Oh, it's quite nice. I suggest you keep them closed for rough for the next eight hours and I get the suggestion. That's a well-deduced. Oh.

Okay. Do you resist? No. My ears hurt. Can we keep going? Why do you eat? Do crocodiles even have ears? Is Temp is correct?

He can't use both at the same time? He can't use both at the same time without having horrible hallucinations. So he can still hear and see at the same time. He just has the hallucinations. But if he covers his ears, he can see. without having hallucinations. He closed his eyes, he can hear without having hallucinations. Like, where are you guys?

I mean, just blinded and deafened Bricko for the next eight hours. Here, here, here. Oh, let me grab your tail. Oh, ooh. This is a hemp and rope. It's a hemp and rope. It's fine, it's fine.

Just hold on, stop reaching for additional appendages. Just grab the rope. Just hold on to this. Diet around your waist or something. Poor fart. Oh, more fart. Oh, God. You have such a moor egg.

This is a very fuzzy rope. It reminds me of Wormy Jim, whoever his name was. Willie. I love that guy. I hope we meet him again. He's probably the big bad of this adventure. Just stay like four feet, five feet away from me. Don't lose him.

So are you going left, right or forward? Just the way that we haven't gone. The way that we haven't gone. Okay, so right. Right. But why are we going left? Whatever. You're going the way you haven't. Oh, we're going on.

You make your way towards the left and you continue, you continue down the path, twisting and turning this way and that, coming to some dead ends here and there, until you finally spill out into what appears to be a swamp, thick and murky,

these smells of putrid water assailing your nostrils, the sounds of croaking frogs and insects, almost erupting around you. And you feel scared. You feel fear. You feel as if all hope has been lost. As you look behind you and the way you had come,

there's nothing but swamps for miles behind you. You're overcome with sadness. I need you all to roll a perception check except for Grico, who fails automatically because his eyes are closed and he cannot open them. 18. 25. Both of you look around and you see the only bits of color that stand out from anything at all are these random bits of almost a, a duo-chrome kind of moss that shifts from green to purple.

And it almost shimmers and glitters as if it contains some kind of magical property. As well as you see that there are these. small, almost like hornets, but they're significantly bigger than you would expect. Their color is this shiny metallic black. As they buzz around... They're badass fucking things. The Sylvan's Pound. As they buzz around these large trees that seem to have almost what you would imagine to be beehives that are dripping with this iridescent honey. Outside of that, nothing else seems to be out of place. How much does this feel like home to me? Not at all.

This feels very strange to you. Though the trees look similar and it feels like a swamp. This is clearly a magical swamp. This is clearly magical swamp. Smells like shit in here. Yes. Watchers, do you want me to carry that in a drive? Oh, yeah, that'd be quite nice.

He's going to drown if you... Yeah, well, I'm worried he's just going to like one of his foot... Yeah, hold on, hold on. Hold on. And what I will say is looking above you, you see that this swamp is clearly under what appears to be a gigantic oak tree. And you are nestled within the roots

and it is swampy and murky. And there is, it almost feels like there's a sense or a taste of salt on the air. I'm gonna grab both the frost ears and squeeze really hard. Now, please stop. Oh no, go. Oh, he's got like cute little catty-use.

Stop doing that. That hurts, Rico. Can I give you a scratch? Jeremy, Jeremy, keep, Jeremy. I mean, fuck, Fawley. Can I give you a scratch, Foggling? Get on the title from speed. Who's frosting?

It's fun, alright? I mean, Grico. Oh, no, his name's Farty. Righty tiger, you can see his thoughts, but you know he's me. Does it smell salty to you, Cremie? Yes. Some like can never. Yeah.

Okay. We've got these bees over here. Yeah, there's some honey. And we've got, um, that's all in here. Can I just, I just, I just wanna give you a spray. Oh, me too. Oh, first, what's your name again?

Fought. Mooring Fought. Oh, Mooring Fought. You're so, you're so screechy, scratchy. Just get it all out. We're looking for a tablet. We're looking for a tablet. All right, tablet.

Does anyone see a tablet? I feel a little spooked in here. I mean, it's kind of like, you know. Oh, I'm sorry, Grico. You're talking here. Roll an investigation check for anyone who's looking for the tablet. I'll look as well.

Go that way, Froste. I think I'll heard you. I'm morning. Thank you. I'm on. Chris, thank you. I'm gonna roll a D6 to see who this is going to effect. Yeah. Grico, I need to roll a D20.

I'm invulnerable. Oh. Oh, I think we're supposed to do the false thing. Mm. Oh. What is it? What I roll? You rolled a two.

Two. I'll roll again. 19. Roll again. You probably use most of them. Numeral one. Roll again. Roll again.

Roll again. 15. No, roll again. Seven. No, roll again. What happened, if it's already been chosen, just pick the next one up. I'm not going to do that. I want you to roll again.

Four. Four. You are physically incapable of looking anyone in the eye. Great. I feel great. Easy. But that persists through the rest of this thing. Yeah, that's gonna be forever.

I'm glad. Within 20, within 20, you're easily able to look and you see that this tree, though it appears to be an oak in nature, that it is bent for, and it is enormous. It is like, because I don't know, distance is like 200 feet tall. Right? This is crazy. This is like Empire State Building levels of tree. I don't know if he tall is very reasonable for a tree.

Oh, cool. And so, and you are nestled in the roots at the very base. And you can see that it looks like water is running down from the very tops of the tree as its foliage, as its bows are bent in that weeping willow fashion. And at the very base, you see almost as if curtained by the leaves. There appears to be a tablet that is,

etched into one of these roots. And next to it is a small seat, an easel, and a bunch of paints. Do you see that? This is a pretty epic stuff we're doing, guys. Yes, we're really making headway. Smells like shit in here. That's sort of jostle them like we're actually making headway.

Grimy, do you see it? Yeah, the easel and paint and stuff. Oh, don't, where? Do you have the ability. to undo your suggestion. Can you cast light? Yes, but I don't really want to. Can you cast light?

Can you read Sylvan? No, can you read Sylvan? I cannot. Do you know how we're going to get out of this adventure? Can you just like use your mind to read every fucking written language? No, I have the ability to gain great proficiency in a variety of skills as I tap into the cosmos. But it does not include just being able to universe, speak all languages. That would be absurd.

That's important. Let's make our way over and see if it's in Sylvan, but we may have, Griko, may need to read this. That's the last fucking resort, you understand? I can't tolerate him screaming for another fucking ten minutes. Well, I don't have, how are we? Oh, I'll scream for ten minutes. You know, I can hear you loud and clear.

It's really darkening here. Can someone use light? We make our way over to the table. You do, and you see that it is clearly written in Sylvan. I'm going to refer to the Discord from three or four days ago. Well, look, I never once said that you shouldn't take the spell as part of spelling. That's not what I meant. That's fair. That's fair.

There's a distinction between sirenic spails and the rest of these spells. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Um, fuck. I drop suggestion. Oh, what's going? Won't you owe earth and see?

You cannot make... You cannot make eye contact with wrath, for he knows the time is short. I'm looking straight ahead. He knows the time is short. Let him who have understanding reckon the number of the beast for he is a human number.

I put my hand over his eyes. Oh, that's quite pleasant. Grigo, I'm not sure how to... We're going to put you in front of a tablet. As soon as he opened your eyes, we need you to read what you what you see, okay? Well, no, can't we just, like, phonetically, like...

I guess the characters don't even, like, make sense. No, it would be all scripty, right? Well, if you remember, when you tried to read it that one time, I did say that he understood what you were saying. So, yes, I would say you could try and you could read it out the way that you see phonetically, and that I would make Grick-o role to see if he understands that. Your Sylvan pronunciation's pretty good as of, like, 15 minutes ago.

So why don't you try to read it? Just phonetically, and then he can try to read it. I have no idea what you mean by that statement, Cremie. I will take a piece of cloth, and I will wrap it around in a blinds-led style, Griko's head, and tie it in the back and just sort of secure his blindness, knowing that Cremi's spells ended.

And then I will go to the tablet, and I'll start to attempt to finesse. Sure, what do you read? Um, I guess I'll pull out some shit. Why did I close the tap? So stupid. Never know when clothing's going to come in here. Yeah.

Uh, Stripolis. Oh. Protrom? Mm. Pro trom. Like, per tromb. You have to hang on, take on your tromb. No, I don't, you got to let the M linger a little bit.

Pro trom. Oh, yes. Better. Boona Tindice. Yeah. You're trying. I understand what you mean. Criple.

Criple. Okay. Ronal. Oh. This is very... This is grim. Upparoy. And what have we got in so far?

Oh, you don't want Guporoy. You do not want Guproi. Keep going, Frosty. Keep going, Frosty. Don't stop. Barrow's lacerded, Lurid, Trichting, in Vertheret. The next line,

Freaks is Ronal. Existible... Oh, Friggis ron. Okay, that's okay. Where Dromson. Oh, this is dramatic. Pacifical Siblius. Bontaneate.

Oh. Wow, that's very beautiful. Who of a rotous? I think corbulcal is the rhyme that gets made at the end there. I mean, it was actually pretty good in the last bit, kind of ruined the cave. Well, I have a pandemic.

It was really thrown off. It may just be my pronunciation. Thank you for doing that. Bees back. Can you read that again, Rusty? And then I will translate. I will translate as he says it. Her rage built up and darkened her soil.

Her leaves would fall and her branches recoil. As the winters raged, her crystal heart shattered. All she'd lost, nothing mattered. Her roots carried the pieces far and wide, bearing them deep for none to find. What's the best I could do? I was writing a lot of rhymes. All right.

It was the best I can do. Fuck you. See, the ending there just seems like... That's not like, wow, that's not a member of it. The ending, I mean, that doesn't really work. I mean, you know, maybe it's like one of those poems, like in the native language, like, to a native speaker, not someone who learned it like me. Like, it makes a little more sense, but none of us can really appreciate the cultural significance.

Mm-hmm. You know, um, translators know. Take how go me's plan. One more again, please. Her rage built up and darkened her soil. Her leaves would fall and her branches recoil. As the winters raged, her crystal heart shattered. All she'd lost, nothing mattered.

Her roots carried the pieces far and wide, bearing them deep for none to find. Fide. You see, find is scratched out and fide is written, and then fide is scratched out. find is right. Well, uh... I think it's more of a dialogue.

I think I did have it. I thought I didn't. Okay. I mean, I have the... I don't know what the solution is. Oh, it smells like shit. You keep saying that. It's a swamp, of course.

I mean, we're in a fucking... Oh, I thought we were in a really dark cave. No. Oh. That's why it's so damp. And there's mosquitoes on it. Yes. That makes a lot more sense.

Um, I guess we got to put, uh, the crystal heart back together and shoved in the tree. They'll awaken whatever got spurned by Oberyn the Green Lord. Well, Manson's like anger and rage a couple times. Well, she's a guilty lover. You know, what's, you know,

hell have no fury like a woman's scoring all that. No, no, no. That's extremely insightful, though. I think that's very reasonable. Oh, do we have the pieces we need? Is it? Yes. You have two pieces.

Try to put it together. Does it make something? When I had the two pieces just after finishing the riddle and being on my own, did it look like it created a complete... You put them together and it creates what appears to be the top part of the heart, but it does not have the tip piece. But when you put them together, they fused. And so they're now one piece, but it's still missing the broken part of the bottom.

Do I feel sadly lustful when I heard? You do, yeah. Well, I'll suppose, is there some... We've already had a riddles and knowledge and we had lust. We also had laughter And to get against sorrow Is there some sort of trial near Bar where we have to evoke rage

Or soothe rage? There's An easel. Oh! And some paints. Oh! But let's look. I mean, that might belong with somebody. I just want to start using it in case... And you're going to be able to just wrong? Oh. Um Are these anybody's paints? Is there anyone here? Roll a

persuasion check. That's where I'm a Viking. It's a great, a great silver and wood. Mm-hmm. You hear the Pixie's laughter. They're here. Mixy. All right, show yourselves.

Look, let's talk about this whole this easel thing. This is definitely not a coincidence. Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. You know what? I'm always... Oh, almost so good. good. You're just not learning how to talk to Pixies. 14. You, you hear giggling and then you hear one of them smack one of the other and you hear a little

bickering back and forth and then you feel a weight on your shoulder again. It's me again. It's Bixie. Oh, Wada to do, Bixie. You know, you could use a happier tone. We don't like your attitude. Oh, well, I mean, I just- Pixies are a joyous folk, you know. And we're just Stole my hat.

It brought us lots of joy, yeah. Oh, I mean We like to steal. From all point of view, you know, stealing is joyous. The bigsies are evil. The lawful of you, stealing is good. So yeah, we're a joyful folk.

What are you trying to say? I know, I'm not trying to say, look, I'm not passing judgment. You know, I mean, just, if you could kindly, you know, let us know what the deal. is with this year easel. What are you going to do for me?

Actually, you know, you've probably done something for me. What are you going to do for Wixie? Wixie's not all in on trusting you. All right. Well, we got a new channel called Legends of Adventurist, and if it's Wix, we could get a sponsorship. We could definitely get a, what is he talking about? Don't listen to him.

He's seen the eye of God. My brain's a little melted. Oh, he's losing his mind. What are you going to do for Wixie? I mean, we could use this easel here. paint you something awful nice no we don't care about that no well maybe the tree does though I don't think these pictures oh look at this guy seeing the angels of God now he's got a brain we don't care what these pixies want why are you asking what do you mean you don't care

don't want to help you yeah we care what the pixies but we're not trying to appease the my name is bixie and you are starting to offend me I am sorry I assume that you are all here Twixie, Bixie, Mixie, Vixie, Zixie, Wixie, and Bob. Because Scrixie died. Just out of curiosity. To state my own curiosity. Are there other pixies like yourself who complete the alphabet gamut? Oh, no, there are some letters we don't use.

I was going to say that there are two specifically that seem right out. Yeah, you don't want to use those letters. Okay. My favorite is Ness Quixie. What? Yeah. She's thirsty. Anyway, what was your question outside of the alphabet?

If Wixie finds joy in any specific thing, if she has something that she loves even more than stealing hats. Do you like mice? I do. I don't know if Wixie does. Wixie, you like mice? Yeah, she likes mice. I have this mouse harness, where if you could find a mouse and slap it on a little mouse,

you could ride them around like your own steed. We're going to accept that trade. That's a really great trade. We only have our butterflies. And let me tell you, if the ground is not firm at all, they can't walk on it. I mean, probably flying on the big, beautiful wings. But what if you're tired of flying? Oh.

I don't think if I had wings, I would never get tired. Before I give me this, will you give me my spatula and my hat back? Oh, I don't know. And my totem. I don't know if that. It's going to be good enough of us. You're going to have to sweeten the pot. All right.

Fuck it. How does it a freebie bottle, Sam? Pull it a free bottle out of my back. I wish I had my own inventory. That's so much crazy shit in there. What does that do? We got it from an innkeeper who is literally five million years old. I stole it from...

So he was pretty young then? Well, I mean, I guess it's a matter of perspective. basically there's a very powerful being inside that can grant you lots of wishes Bob thinks that's a good trade we'll take the a fridi bottle and the mouse harness and we'll give you all of your junk back all right here you go all right thanks and they give you your stuff back so what are you gonna give us now to help you with this uh with this swamp problem yeah I didn't think that through did you we want more we want a lot more I mean oh what would you trade for a very lovely

joke. Your humor. We want your humor. Oh. Oh, so would we help us? They have a mice harness. Can't you like create a mouse and they can write off into the sunset? No, but then it will get really sad once he disappears. Yeah, we definitely would because he just told us it we disappear. Yeah, we'll disappear. I mean, that's a bum to you if you has me. Sounds super bum. Do you like keesh? No. Fuck. He doesn't like keesh. What do you call A short,

A short, slimy, stumpy, wiggly pole Gricko No A tadpole Changed our mind We don't want your humor I mean, do you want more stuff

Frost's got a lot of stuff You've seen through my pack I would assume Yeah, we looked through it all and we took what we wanted We didn't know this bottle had something cool in it or that that weird pile of leather was going to get us a mouse mount. Yeah, I mean, you could literally get free wishes, which is like unbelievable. Cool. Wait, why didn't we just wish for the answer then?

Oh. Oh, you know, I didn't really think of that. That's okay. You saw us now. Fine. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, right? I got this devil's gate book, whatever the fuck. It has a devil on the front.

No. They're the same as Pedry's chest. We want something that's going to make us really happy. Um. Oh, oh no. A big old bowl of ski year. No. That's all I go.

Do you like magic? Will you give us your magic? Oh. In a way. Okay. I got a paper with some magic written all over. So? I mean, do you, do you want it?

No. Oh, well. Are you going to explain? Spans upon what that's supposed to mean. I'm not stupid. I'm a pixie, but I ain't stupid. Hey, look, it's a spell scroll. You know what a spell scroll is?

I'm a pixie, but I ain't stupid. Well, I have a spell scroll. Of what? Something that could have come in handy, a comprehend language. No, that's all right. No, fucking why are you serious? I should have gone through my back. I use my slippers of spider climbing to climb up 200 feet to the top of the

I'm just drunk and then drop to my grass. I got a broom of flying. Okay, we'll take it. Yeah, oh, wait. You'll take it for helping us in exchange, trade. Yes. Why don't you pay something that makes the tree angry? Be more specific with your wording.

In order to accept the broom with flying, which for them, it would be like a, you know, I don't think we really want your broom anymore, but we would like language. Do you give us your language? I don't like the way you would in that. She smiles at you. I will give you more druidic.

You what? My language of druidic language. Druids have a secret language they use to communicate. And it's very secret. The symbols that they can read. Hold on, Bob, what do you think about that? What? No.

Ah! No! You just got jimped. Idiot. Bob pulled out of guitar. Yeah. Let's do it. Yikes.

Fucking Bob. Fucking Bob. Yeah, we'll take you Druid. You give us one Druid and we will- Druidic language, not my druid powers. How about you give us one druidic? And we'll give you the answer to what you do in this warmth. Yes, here you go.

Perfect, shake on it. She flies around and she shakes your hand. No, to your right, Brigho. No. That's, that's... Oh. That's my man, boob. And she flies around to take his hand.

All right, that's great. And you feel... Oh, you have very soft hands. Thanks. Finally, there's some aloe and lotion around here. So what you're going to do is this is the swamp of lost hope. So you're just going to paint a hopeful picture and show the dryad that there's still hope left in the world. It's really as simple as that.

I think I said it a half an hour ago. You did, which is why I don't know why you made a deal. Well, no. You said being an ink picture. was what you said. Oh, well, we would have been trial on there. We would have figured. No, I said, or soothe anger.

Yeah, that is what Greco said. Yeah, but HOFEL is not really soothing. I mean, it's a little bit. Oh, you know, thank you for giving us your druidic magic, goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, you know what? I think, blindfolded, I might be able to make a masterpiece of modern art.

Here, give me the pay. Hey, I'm titled is Hope. Give me $500,000. He's just taking a stick, and he's hitting one of the, Oh, I totally forgot to tell you. Mine or not! It's going to be really hard to impress her, because, you know, she's kind of a tree now.

So you're going to need to eat one of... Is it the moss or is it the honey? I don't remember. I don't know. You have to eat either the moss or the honey to give you the ability to paint the kind of thing she's going to want to see. Thank you. You're welcome. That's good to know.

Good luck. I call honey. I call not eating anything and giving it a go without following the mischievous pixies recommendation. Jeremy, what do you think? You are lost. Jeremy, what do you think we should do? I remember that you existed as part of the problem

in this adventure. And the pixies make their leave. And Gricko, you feel magically empty. Oh, no. I can no longer communicate this secret language. of circles of other druids in the forgotten realm. You actually feel like you can't cast spells, period. Oh, fuck, I've been bamboozled.

The wording was druidic, and to the pixies, that meant all of your druidic magic. Oh, gosh. Well, I've done goof. You can't, you're no longer a hero? No. I guess no. Now I'm just Grick-O.

Not just the goblet. You've still got that crossbow, and you're not. You've still got that crossbow, and you can't. you are standing on a pumpkin eternally. Can I make a paw out of this thing? It's way too old for pie. Are you guys gonna continue to play this game? No.

We're fried. I will go up and sand, moss, or honey, I will attempt to paint a picture of hope. I will picture in my mind the statue of the dryad. and I will, instead of seeing her weeping, I will see her hands outstretched in not just excitement and joy and happiness, but in receiving what she wishes in her fondness heart. I will attempt to draw back. You pick up the paints and you watches out of his pack, Frost pulls out of a beret and a black turtleneck sweater and some skinny jeans.

and he begins to paint like an artist. Just, yes, but exactly like that. And he's covered in essentially oil paints. He smudges and draw this out. And to you that are looking, it is beautiful. I need you to roll performance check for me, please. Has it been more than an hour? Yes.

Natural 20 Well, that's fucking good. What's your plus? Performance? Yeah. This is where I'm a Viking. Natural 20. It doesn't seem to do anything at all.

You imagine that the pixies were not lying to you. That for this to work, there has to be some innate magicality to it. And though they couldn't remember whether it was the mosque, or the honey. You need to have some kind of boon. Which one did you want? Honey? I would have chosen moths, so.

Grico, do you have any skin in this? Oh, skin. Yes. I go to the honey in a year. Okay. No, my skin's on me right now. I need you to roll an acrobatics to see if you were stung and killed by the

by the angry hornets. Remember, if they start stinging you, don't go under the water. They'll just wait. The maus is completely unguided. Yeah, I ate the moss. Okay, thank you. I forgot I got the hornets. These are honey-making ornets.

Can I have the masts? Can I get a mouse too? Yeah, absolutely. Hey, Frosty, give me some mousse. Sure, no problem. To your left. I got a 15. There you go. Okay, yeah.

You're able to weave in and out of them as you acquire the honey. And it is this beautiful, very similar in color to the crystal and to some of the flowers that you've seen. It's this beautiful, prolessin, iridescent color to it. And you pull up a handful and you begin to eat it. And you feel that your charisma. has increased as you find yourself with a baseline 21 charisma

instead of 20 but you also gain a plus 15 to anything that requires your charisma Oh shit And upon eating this You... Anything that requires his charisma? Yes

Your spell save DC is fucking crazy You have you have partaken in Faye honey and it has emboldened you. You feel like you could perform, you could paint, you could sing, you could kill fucking anything. However, you feel anything, Grega?

You were both over-tom. Taste of shit in you! You're both over-gone with the horrible taste of melancholy moss is your charisma is tanked to two from whatever it was before. And you have a negative 12 to anything that requires charisma. You were overcome with sadness.

Boo. Boo. Jeremy. Jeremy never made a pest of water frog antics. I know. I killed him. Yes. You did.

I killed the flea. In me. In me. Oh, Jeremy, can you ever forgive me? Hey, Frost, how many hit points you think, Rick? Go ahead. Now there's not a druid and all. I'm just a goblin now.

Like 10? Probably less. One 94. Roll it. Roll it. They have three points. I mean, he's not really like useful to us anymore, is he? Oh.

Uh, your, uh, persuasive voice. And, uh, not without Jeremy. Oh. Jeremy. Jeremy was always the soul. Jeremy was the praise of the operation because he lived in my brain sometimes. You realize you're fine. You're not melancholy, right?

You're just fucking with us? All right. Rick, I need to open your eyes and look at the flowers. Oh shit. This adventure's taking a turn. What happened to look at the flowers? You look at the flowers? No, I'm just...

Because you're elicinating. It's a literary reference. We'll never get out of here. Uh, I will look, I'll open my eyes, and I'll say, Oh, it's sharp! And I'll die like a gnome in World of Warcraft. The quick hop and death? I fall and I weep uncontrollably.

It was just a prank, bro. Get up. It was just a prank. No, you're just an endless sobbing of frosts over the floating corpse of Grico now. And you realize as you're sobbing that the moisture in the air and that taste of salt in the air is actually the is actually the tears that this tree has been crying for what could have been centuries. How many hornets are there? A lot.

Hundreds. All right. Let's get on with this fucking heist. I walk up to the easel. What's the point? You guys are just bringing me down. I should be able to talk my way out of this, but I guess a fucking painting will do. And I'll paint a beautiful cityscape of Agway.

You tear off the sheet of poster paper, though. Just cover it up. It's useless. And you toss it into the swamp as you paint a picture. It's a beautiful morning in the Magnolia Promenade. People are bustling through the streets. For Morig Fah. What's that?

Morig Fon. What? Morik Fond. Sounded similar to it, yes. Got it. And it's just, it's a beautiful, hopeful beginning of a day in my beautiful home town. Roll a performance check. That's where I'm sort of hiking.

Well, remember this is... Nine plus 20 is 29. You are able, you imbue the magics of this Faye honey into every stroke of paint. And you watch as it catches the light and almost comes to life. And as you finish it with the final stroke. stroke of the brush, you watch as it does come to life. And almost like a movie, which you have no concept of, it begins to play out and you see the happy bustling lives and people who had once been heartbroken finding love again.

And you hear the sounds of roots rustling. There is an effect here. As the roots move and open up and you see a wooden stairwell that leads up into the very heart of this tree. Friends lay weeping in the muck. All right, fellas. Y'all need some honey. And I'm going to go over, and I'm going to...

I'm going to get too big angels on. Roll an acrobatics check. Can I just shoot the was? You can try. Oh, God. I'm just going to make an acrobatics check. Oh, God. Twist up.

I'm twisting it. Yeah. Oh, God, I'm twisting it. Oh, God. That's outrageous. Oh, I'm not going to do. It was 10. And if any, come near me, I'm just gonna fucking shoot them with Eldor blast.

Are you? One more. I rolled a D6. It was a two, so that's Frost. Can you roll a D20 for me? There we go, 17. Oh, yeah. No, no, 18, 18.

13. Wait, no, it's not. It's 16, sorry. You believe this is so good. You believe you've been turned into a lichenthrope. You haven't. Oh, we're wolves in London. I'm filled with grief over the death of my friend Brickham.

And Morugfant looks to the sky to see his greatest fear. You see the full moon. Happening. I'm like dodging pocket ornates. And I meant now. Right. But morgue font is a wear cat.

Do you don't? Wait, a what? Air Wolf solution. Yeah. Oh, don't let me fight you. I may still. I just smear the eye all of our greatest space.

The honey cures the melancholy, but it does not cure the pha afflictions. All I feel is fear and paint. Fas by the darkness in the hearts of me! Close your eyes, Rico. Oh. Oh, smells like shit in there. Uh, for all, where's your pack? It's on my back.

Waltie, if you're distracted enough, I'm just going to try to go into your pack and try to just pull the heart pieces out. Probably. You'll feel sad when you pull it out, but you instantly get wood. Oh. That explains me that. I put it in a monster. I'm a monster.

All right, fellas. Let's go. Wait, a what? A monster. Why are you a monster? I hear you alive. apparently Don't let me bite you

stay away from me Oh you already did Frose Dye We follow up I'm terrified I'm terrified I'm hiding all over me I'm like a

Kiddly hemp and rope and I just tie it around both of them and I just pulled them along into the tree You do you pull the long end of the tree and as you step foot in the tree the afflictions that you had originally had disappear,

not the twist of fate ones. So Jeremy is still in your nose. You still think you're a weird tiger. You're still sneezing glitter. But the other ones had dissipated as you're able to open your eyes without seeing those horrific visions. And you find yourself in the bowels of this tree.

Sorry, I had to burp. And these stairs, these wooden stairs, leading all the way up and you can see it goes on what feels like for a mile and you walk and you walk and you walk all the while afraid you're going to turn into a wear cat that is happening is truly happening you claim the moonlight shining is shining in through the cracks in the wood but you can both clearly see the sun out it's midday or early afternoon as you make your way up through the tree until you finally, it takes about an hour or so, you finally get towards the very top.

There is a wooden pedestal and a landing and on it is what appears to be the final piece, final broken piece of the crystalline heart. Hmm. And I pick up the last piece. What am I so sticky? I pick up the last piece. No, it's hopelessness.

Oh, I feel hopeless. You feel hopelessness. You pick it up quickly and you feel hopelessness wash over you, but you still have the honey pumping through your veins. You're able to shrug it off long enough to connect the heart pieces together. And you watch as they infuse with light and begin to expand and contract as the heart swells and fuses together. And then it begins to beat and pulse. You feel the tree around you shaking.

Look at that. And it begins to get small. and smaller and smaller, forcing you out. You feel yourselves being constricted by this tree as you begin to rush down the stairs, as the tree is slowly getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And you run and you run as you finally jump out of the door, expecting to land face down in the disgusting shit-smelling bog

that you had entered in from. But you find yourself in a beautiful floral glade. You can hear the pixies. Nixie Twixie, Bixie, Quixie, Mixy, Vixie, Zigzy, Wixie, and Bob, all laughing from the edges, seeming to find this entire endeavor hilarious. And as you turn and look, you see that there is a, what appears to be, an oaken woman standing in front of you. And inside of her chest cavity, pulsing and pumping is a crystalline heart that is slowly moving from that pearlessant white to a pale pink as it deepens into a darker red. And you watch as the oak flesh on

her body begins to shift and change into normal skin. And after a while, as you all watch and wonder and concern, there is a beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous frost dryad. And you've seen these before standing in front of you. She looks down at all of you as she holds her heart. I cannot believe. It was like a freaking tree for so long. Oh, well, what to do that, miss lady? The name's Cremant Cruz.

You know, I felt so hopeless. It was like he left me, you know, for his freaking wife. Like, who even does that? What does sound like? You know, and I thought, I am never going to find love again. So I should just turn into a tree and break my heart into pieces and, like, hide them all over the place so that no one can ever put them back together, because I'm done. Well, how do you feel now? I mean...

I'm just super sad, but also, like, really happy a little bit. Well, you know... Because, like, I feel hopeful, you know, like, I saw your painting, and I want to go there. I mean, there were guys there that would like a girl like me, you know? I mean, I also feel like I've had, like, 16. bottles of wine and I get really emotional when I have wine, you know? I mean, there's at least pretty much 90% of the guys walking around that town would, it would 100% go for a gal like you.

But you know, it doesn't even matter because I've realized that my worth isn't like determined by whether Oprah and thinks I'm harder, I'm better than titanium, you know what I mean? It was just young. I was like 4,000 years younger than I am now. And a broken heart is not a hardened heart. There's a freaking gnat here. and I wanted to go away. I'm talking to my new friends.

I'm sorry. Before you continue, I'm glad that we were able to help you. Please don't let me mind you. My name is Morgfant. What's your name? That's gone. The Morg Fott is gone.

I thought that was one of the permanent ones. No. It's the Maitrethrope one. Yeah, the Lichenthrope one is the only one that you have remaining. My name is Morning France. I'm glad we were able to help you. I'm so glad you were able to help me too. I thought that like hardening myself and like building this wall around my heart, like,

figuratively and literally would totally fix my problems, but it doesn't. You know what I think would? Like a really good therapist. Well, I think that's definitely the next step. Also good a support group, too. He was like super hot, you know, and I should have known everything he was saying was too good to be true. You could be the next queen of the summer court. Like, we just...

Sounds like you're dealing with an emotional hangover after a relationship with a narcissist. Oh, my God, you're telling me. I think that you should really think about... And, you know, all of my friends said, no, don't do it, you know. Griselda went and did it. We haven't seen her in like 14,000 years.

Oh, that's a long time. I can't even comprehend that in my small gobbing brain. We've got so much to tell us. I'm seven hip points. My name is Gregil Grimgrim. I'm sorry you said, but you know what? You'll be rebirthed like a, uh, a mythical creature. Oh, you know, like one of those, what is it, phoenix, phoenix?

Oh, no, I think it's, uh, phonics is. Uh, I think it's a Yeti. What? A Yeti? You mean a Yemlin? Oh, a Yemlin. No, I don't think those have reborn in anything, but you know what is really good. No, my God.

Oh, my God. Do you, no, seriously, though, do you guys want to hang out and watch a movie? I don't know because I've got major image. I could show you some really cool stuff. I actually need to be changed to some sort of

objects in the future. Otherwise, I'll attempt to kill everyone here. That sounds really horrible, Frost. But if you chain me nearby, I'd be happy to experience it as a monster. My favorite movie ever is the mean grills.

And it's about barbecue grills that are horrible to each other. Yeah. Wait to each other. They're not like evil attack grills. They just mean to each other? Well, yeah, and like everybody in their life, you know. And they have this thing called a burn book

where it's like a book that they put inside of them and they burn it up in the pieces. Are there any fleas in it? It's hard for Jeremy to relate to anything if there's no fleas in it. But there's a queen bee in it and she's like a huge bee, you know, which creates a lot of honey. But it's like super poisonous. It's not really a flea, though.

It's not really a flea. I mean, do you have any flea related to- Have you ever met someone named Karen? No. Oh, she can tell the weather. No. I think I could probably. Well, oh, no.

No, false a one. I thought I was coming. I thought I was coming. But anyway, you know, all I have to say is I'm so thankful that you came and you rescued me and you went through all of the stuff that I had laid out thinking no one would ever put in the time for me, you know? I said, Willow Evergreen, you ain't worth it.

You fell in love with that stupid slime ball, O'Brien, and you ain't worth nothing. And so no one's ever going to go through these trials for you, but you prove me wrong, your sweet little cat, and whatever you are, and this crocodile over here. You did that for me. I'm a tobacco. This is a grico. Yeah. And what's our reward?

I'm going to let you out of my maze. I'm not going to trap you here forever. Oh, well. and feed on your souls. I mean, like, we got like three pieces of heart. Suck all of the joy and happiness out of your souls in the hopes that I find joy and happiness in my soul. I'm not gonna do that to you,

like I did to thousands of others before you. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm gonna let you go. Not even like a few extra hit points. What do you mean? Just like, I mean, we put some like heart pieces together. You've done me a great service.

Are the other Pixie's still around? Oh yeah, they're laughing. Are these other pixies your friends? No, they're just pixies. They're just around? Yeah, they do what pixies do, whatever they want. Okay. Well, when I...

I hope he didn't make any deals with them. Well, that's exactly my point. When I am feeling more myself in the morning, I have a deal that I need to finish with Bob. Well, I hope you'll be able to get into contact with Bob. He's the worst of them all. He seems nice, but he ain't. You know, maybe I'll do it now then

Because if I can't get in contact with them I understand that if I don't knit a tiny scarf and sweater That I will die Because that's my understanding of how packs work Do you want a tiny scoff and sweater? If you have one that's pixie-sized, I would... I can... Yeah, I'll create one right now Just out of the ether

And she snaps her fingers and there's a tiny sweater And a big B is emblazoned on it Oh. Hey, Bob. Oh. You quickly feel as a fairy stanchet from you out of your hand. Not still invisible. Thank you.

I begin to tie myself to the nearest topic. Oh, can you give me about roughly six levels of Druid? No. Ah. Can you undo a FAPAC that he made? I can't. No, I'm sorry. FAPX are forever.

Didn't you read about that in the pamphlet when you came into the Faye Wild? You should have been given a map and a pamphlet and a fanny pack. No, I didn't get any of those things. But you got to be careful about where you call it a fanny pack, because in some places, fanny doesn't mean what you think it means. Oh, it means like, like, like, uh, yeah. Yeah. Like a what?

Yeah. Like a what? I don't know. Oh, you know. We can't say the name less someone would hear. No. No. I don't know.

You know, you would blush. Maybe when you're old, Gregor, all right? You're too young. Oh, me with my seven headphones, I'm going to have a little. But, you know, I just feel so great right now, so if you want to leave, like, this thing. I can't leave. I just type myself up. Great.

But I only find it all this deal. I mean, should I kind of take that at face value? I don't know. I feel like you're not really being honest with you. I'm totally being honest. It's not like it's been, like, trapped as a tree for, like, the longest time without a heart. anything feeding on the happiness and the souls of unsuspecting wanderers into my glade? Why don't we watch Mean Grills on the Major Image?

Oh my God, you mean it? Oh, Mean Grills it. Perfect. And she'll cast Major Image and you will spend like two years watching Mean Grills because time is different until she finally releases you. And she seems happy. Other Dryads begin coming into the Glade as you notice that the walls of the Maze. have been relinquished back into the earth.

And she ends up, by the time you leave, she has maybe 15 dry-ed friends who have surrounded her. They eat popcorn, drink wine, tell stories. All of them have had some kind of trist with Oberyn that they're not happy about. And you are allowed to take a portal to wherever you want in the Faywild, and that's where we'll call this session over. I'm sorry for what you're about to witness.

Turn away. I can feel it happening. I fucking eat the way. The end. You saved the dryad. Thank you. And then alternative horror ending where it pans over,

pans over. It's like two years later. And it's mean grills and like the dryads are all watching and they're all laughing. And then you see three humanoid figures and it's just like the fucking ring and the girl,

and that's a big music sting and I jump scared. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher

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