Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 1 | Circus to Circus

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

After leaving their failed carnival behind, fate puts the party on a path to an even grander circus...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/YJzIPmsxxQY?si=djTCnSSo1yalyqpU

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Nikki, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Once upon a Witchlight Hour, the sleeping queen stirred in her tower, and through Grand Halls, past lock and key, came to her slumber, dreams of three. The first brought laughter filled with fright, the second, love defiled by spite. The third, a world of pure delight. She welcomed these, they were her own, but soon from porcelain, lips agrone. Her silvery dreamscape now forsaken, to pain from which she'd not awaken, something blighted had come hither, foul as nightshade creeping thither. From yon, the grave-like curse did wither. The little prince swept in his spire, his wounded heart had

one desire. A ballad from the dreaming queen could turn his maelstrom mind serene. He vowed her rescue, speech sincere, but toys would be his shield and speech. and so we scoured for one full year. In springtime wreathed in Parenthood, the prince first found a toy of wood, a doll set, beasts and wild things, but listen close in each one sings. A song of child, owl, and bear,

a song that calls the spirits there, a song for monsters with much hair. When summer heat steam like a kettle, the prince then found a toy of metal, a rocking horse with ash in mane, main, around its neck was draped a chain. Its horn and eyes and nose shoot flame, with mighty hooves and sturdy frame, no better steed one could proclaim. He searched from Autumn's harvest throne. The prince then found a toy of bone, lettered blocks stacked to the sky, when turned to words

could only lie. Deceit known to the hounds of hell makes four potent hex or spell of souls of sin, of shadow fell. Through winter's chill from peak to pass, the prince then found a toy of glass, marble spun in measured motion, like careful thought or certain notion, each glinting cat's eye seeing all, from stars beyond the cosmic sprawl

to inner strength and minds recall. The day has come, no time for rest, the fateful toys placed in a chest with stripes of white and stripes of red, just like a big top by his bed. the little prince prepares a flower for either outcome sweet or sour and makes a wish for love for power once upon a witchlight hour the four of you are exhausted as you wake up in a tavern in the middle of of Agway the tavern known as the crossroads you've been traveling together for years but over the

past month, you've been spending your time in Agway, because this is Crummy's home. And all of you had been running a mock carnival of sorts called... What is it called again? Fuck. Carnival the crew. Carnival the crew. It's had many names, many iterations until the finalized one. Carnival the crew.

But due to some unfortunate happenstance, you had to let the carnival go for now. and you took off with whatever money you had left and made your way to Agway, where Kremi had some connections, one Remy Guru. And over the past month, you've been staying at the crossroads, enjoying nice room and board. It's been a pretty penny, but it's been worth every bit. The problem is, Remigrew hasn't been responding to any of your attempts to get into contact with him. So the night prior, you decided to make your way on down to the hungry catfish and see if you could get his attention. Now, you were unable to get his attention, but his bullywugs, the grinning sinners, you definitely got theirs. And they got your coin.

As you wake up this morning, all of you hung over, you make your way down to the tavern area of the crossroads. you order your breakfast and Kremi begins to shake out your coin purse as you realize between the four of you, you only have two gold pieces to your name, not nearly enough to pay for any more nights in this place. And this is the only place that you could see yourself staying in all of Agway, at least the only place that you'd be welcome. Soz, I got bad news. We flat broke. Again, I'm in line. like for real this time, not like flat broke as men, oh, you know, well, you know,

we all have to get jobs because we're about to run out of my, this is it. And I hold up the, I rub my two gold pieces together. This is all we have left. What the fuck did Pierre put in our drinks? I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. He seemed a little too friendly. You remember Pierre. He was one of the first bully wugs that encountered you when you made your way into the hungry catfish.

He helped you find a table and he, even, uh, led your way to some of the hottest tables, the hottest games. Yes, I think fear pulled one over on us. And you do remember that at one point during the night, he provided you all with a free drink on the house. Guys, I have a confession to make. I don't think I understand the rules of poker. No, based on my observations,

you absolutely do not understand the game of poker. you kept gambling when you had nothing and throwing away hand after hand of pure gold I think you had a royal flushable Yeah but I mean the colors The numbers look so nice The two is just etched very nicely We're gonna have to work on our poker game

Okay You also need a poker face When you look and you go hoo-hoo It doesn't work Who let these guys gamble with our money You know I should have known to cut them off I should have like put a lock on my coin purse,

but I don't know. I feel like I blacked out and just, it's all gone. To be completely fair, Gideon, I was up. I was up by quite a bit, card counting, until that drink from Pierre.

And then I lost the plot, so to speak. I refuse to believe it was that free drink. I've never had a free drink treatment wrong. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything, Gid.

I guess I have heard the saying, I think a wise man once said that the only thing better than a drink is a free drink. Do any of you even remember us getting back to this inn? The last thing I remember... You do.

We do. Your recollections of the night before were a bit hazy, but you remember many more drinks than just the free one that Pierre gave you. It was almost like once you popped the top,

you just couldn't stop. As the first drink went down, you wanted more and more and more, and the need for sin was so strong in all of you. You just wanted to play games, drink. You took a turn around the outside of the hungry catfish

and smoked fine cigars. And it was a lovely evening. You came home, though you came home with a significantly lighter coin purse, the joy that you'd had together was profound. I never smoke cigars. It makes my mouth feel all tacky. Well, like we did last night.

At the end of the day, Sinning's kind of fun, don't you think? Grico ate his cigar. I'm just kidding. But I can see him doing it. Oh, this paper. You did throw up after you ate the cigar, didn't you, Grego? Maybe that's why I don't feel that terrible? My understanding is that if you,

soak tobacco and water, it creates arsenic, so you're probably going to die if you haven't thrown up. Oh, man! That will be a back! I'm going to run and peek of a bunch of arsenic. What's the more for that? A con-same. A con-saving. I feel like a con-saving throw to see if you throw up or not is the perfect way to start this campaign.

All right, well, I mean, this might be able to cover breakfast, but we're going to find some way to make some dough. This isn't going to last us. So we have to, you know, I guess start looking for work. I can try to reach out to some of my lesser contacts in town. For some reason, Guru, he just won't see me. He won't reach out to me. He won't, you know, answer any of my letters. And, you know, Pierre said that he would put in a good word, but...

You hear the door to the tavern. open and you look over and you see nobody enter slowly swing shut but you hear the patter of feet and as you look down you see standing at your side cremie one of gurus grinning sinners he looks up at you and hands you a note is it pier it is pier pier what are you doing here What was in those drinks you gave us? No. You don't know? You're serving drinks, you don't know what's in the...

I remember this from last night. He seemed to me making more sense by the end of the evening. Very troubling. Oh. You see he shakes his head and then he looks between all of you. He looks a little bit sad as he turns and makes his way out at the tavern. Oh, I guess he's just doing his job. I think there's nothing left for arsenic.

Oh, goodbye, Pierre. You know the seasonal cocktail of the Pringle? That was, I'll just, you know, once I popped, I just couldn't stop. Is that what that was called? Yeah, that's what I don't know what it meant, but it was. It doesn't have names for some reason. Do you want the remainder of my breakfast? It's very important that you eat.

Oh, the eggs still have the shells on them. I should have waited. Pete, after I grew up. No, you can have a few items here. I'll take that for action if you can beat your spring phone. Oh, frosty, that's very nice. I know how much you enjoy a breakfast. I mean, I appreciate your sacrifice.

It's my pleasure. I look at the letter. The letter is on a very heavy parchment. It is the official letterhead of one Remy Guru. And it is titled, Cremie to Cremie LeCrew and to those whom it may concern. Finally, and I'd wrap it open.

Oh, he's just all big break, Kremi! Cremi LaCrew. This is a notice of debt owed to one Mr. Remy LaGrewu. Remy Guru. God, these names are hard. Upon your abandonment of your station, you took with you valuable knowledge unpaid for that belongs to Mr. Guru.

It has been noted that you have traveled and it shows a list of the different places that you've traveled. almost every single place that you've traveled. You have set up shop here. You've ran this con here. You've done this here. Mr. Guru has chosen to impose a 10% overhead for all of your cons,

leaving a total of 100,000 gold pieces owed to Mr. Guru by end of month. And then it is signed with the flourish and his stamp. In fine print at the bottom, it says, should Mr. LeCrew, should Mr. LeCrew meet his fate or his end, his friends, Grico Grimgrin, Morning Frost, and Gideon Cole are considered guilty by association, and the debt will be theirs to cover forthwith. What? So good news and bad news. I love good news.

You want the good news first? Yes, of course, the good news. Yeah, I'll love good news. Well, there isn't any good news. Oh, it's all bad news. Oh, no. I don't love bad news. Guru's collecting royalties. Thank you. That was the way. On every penny that I made since I left Agway, I don't know how the hell he knows about all this.

Well, fuck. Look, he even knows about the time we salted the mines up in the Grizzled Paul Mountains. He knows about the mines. He knows about, yeah. I don't know what else happened in the Grizzle Paul mountains. Um, let's say that. Oh, he do, he does. Oh, no.

You see that there's a significant tab for when you were in Beaver Creek. Oh, and a tab at Beaver Creek, remember that? Were we with them during all of these? Oh, yes, for most of them at least. There's a handful that you weren't, but. Well, I'm trying to forget, Beaver Creek. or Creek, but you don't forget something like that.

Well, I mean, if we owe his fella a little bit of coin, well, it can't be like, what, 500 gold pieces? No, try higher than that. 600 gold pieces. No, more than that. Oh. Is the number of digits four, five, or six? Oh, six.

I don't know. We only owe them six gold pieces. No, 100,000 gold pieces. The entire tavern gets completely quiet. As you see everyone who's awake look over at you and then they begin to start whispering. They just say that they have 100,000 gold pieces. We got to keep this down. Wait, how much money did the carnival make?

Well, I mean, it made them, look. You said we didn't make anything. I mean, I had to, you know. Do you know how many auto use you paid us? You imagine that the elephants cost a lot of money. You know how much it takes to feed? The hoot seat. I'm feeding rat snacks.

You know how many bully wugs? I had to pay basically nothing to. If you pay a lot of people basically nothing, it's a lot of money. That's up being something. It does. It's up here. Now, hang on, hang on.

I have a little bit of an idea. How much does everybody have? We have two gold pieces. You know, you know, his kid's not really a mourn person. This is it. It is literally, look, see these? One, two, that's it.

That's all we have. I mean, unless you're, y'all, are going. We have 99,998 gold pieces to go, Gideon. And I think I know how we can get there today. How are we going to do it? We head on back over to Rem and Guru, meet up with Pierre. Nobody takes that free drink. And we put Frosty back on the tables.

It's going to sound like a bad idea, seeing as how we're here. but maybe it's not. Oh. So, look, I trust Frost's card count mobility, but you really think Mr. Guru is going to let someone count cards and win 100,000 gold pieces without losing a cent? It's not like he's got to do it a whole lot. We just have to go from 2 to 100,000.

How much can that be? It would be... How many times, Frosty? Run the numbers here. How many times do we need to double or nothing? I need to win a hand every two minutes, and it would have to be a double-on-nothing every single thing. time.

For eight hours. Uh, look, what are you on to that? You know, get, let me tell you what Mr.

Garu does to fellas like that. They make a lot of money, and then all of a sudden I noticed their boots washing up along the banks

of the swamp. Oh, well, fuck. Oh, wait. Oh, I was just going to ask, I mean,

is, is Remy, uh, Mr. Guru, the kind of God that you would, you know,

you'd find, oh, oh, Can I just say that there's probably no one worse to owe money to. We need to be out of debt because at any second he could collect. Let me tell you, I mean, he's got, he's a lot more friends than I do on the other side. And if he wants to, he could make us all have a real bad day. one in 230 million

108,0402 all those good odds those good odds uh no I'm not gonna sugar code it for you Rico oh

because that's bad on so I mean we gotta we gotta make a lot of money quit and I don't I hate to do this I didn't think I would sink this low

but I think We might not have any other choice than, but to go to the, the, the, I won't say it. It's okay. J-Jar-J-Board. Oh, no. Honest work. You must be really scared if you're talking about honest work, Cremay.

I mean, just an, a legitimate gig where you just labor and get paid for it. Well, I mean, dude, what if we can just get more time? Can't we just say, oh, Mr. Gowd- He's talking to Mr. Gru? I'm sure it's just a bit of a misunderstanding. No, no, look, you do not understand. There is no misunderstanding.

I'm sure that when I've paid my deal, I signed something. I'm sure he's got a contract somewhere that I didn't read close enough. And even if he's making it all up, I'm not going to risk setting foot in his office. Unless I have all 100,000 gold pieces in my hand. Jobs.

How much time did he give us? By the end of the month. A month. By the end of the month, not even the month. Even with a high-paying, with even a high-paying job, we wouldn't be able to work the number of hours needed to make 100,000 gold in a month.

No, I said, I know we said we'd never do this, but how much do you think we'd get for a hootsie? Oh, do you think how much people would pay to shit? Hoot-she do a very nice and stylish jig? Probably a lot. Look, I know that we said we would never talk about it in public. But we should discuss that option at this point. Well, you know what?

Perhaps maybe I can talk to Pierre. He might know an exotic monster dealer that would... Anyway, I mean, I think regardless, if we're all working, then we're splitting it up. You know, it's 25,000 gold pieces of each. And again, that's still quite a lot of gold pieces. There's also no running. How did he know all the things that we've done over the many years that you've done?

You know, that's kind of complicated. You're dealing with the sort of ludo that I am. Never really get much privacy, so I'm guessing, you know, he gets his powers from the same generous better than I do. Oh, maybe he just worked it out. You're gonna be very proud of me, if the Baron is very generous, what if we ask for a small loan of 100,000 gold pieces?

You know, Grico, that's a real nice start. You know what, I'm gonna try it. I'll send him a message. I'll send him a letter right now. Oh, yeah, great. You know, maybe he'll get back to us, but in the meantime, we should probably, you know, try to earn the gold another way because I don't have a whole lot of faith in that.

Hedge our bets. Exactly. Not a fucking chance. Let me tell you. I'd just be dead. He just like slew my soul right out of my eyeball or something. Oh, Jesus. I thought of a few options.

Oh. We can find a valuable item that we'd be able to sell for more than 100,000 and steal it. we can perform a heist. Frosty! Are you advocating stealing? Now you're talking. Or perhaps we could

one of us might be able to marry rich and we'd be able to pay off the debt in that way. Well, I wouldn't mind that. Look, I don't know if I'm ready for marriage, Frosty. I mean, I've got so much going on with you. You might have to take one for the team. Oh. Oh, gosh.

I never... I didn't know it be so soon. Are there rich goblin nobles in Agway? I haven't been able to explore the city much. You know, now that I think about it, there may be one or two, but I mean, look, there aren't really nobles in Agua. They're sort of like an aristocracy, a bunch of rich folk down in the Magnolia Promenade, but it's not like we just walk up and steal one item. We walk up and get hitched in a day, and they just folk over the gold.

We've got a month to Wu, a potential sutris. what is the word I'm thinking of? Dutges? Women? A foreign concept. Listen, I kind of like where his head's at. We don't even need him to marry or we just need him to distract her. Maybe we break in.

We hit a door or two. No, no, no. Look, this is what I'm trying to say, that unless we're stealing the full net worth of these people, there are two men at Agway that have something that, we could steal one item and probably sell it for 100,000 gold pieces. And that's Mr. Remiguru, Mr. Alphonse LeBlanc.

And I would never dare to fuck with the other. You understand? Mr. Guru, I've already mentioned, Mr. Alphonse LeBronk. I haven't seen him out in the sunlight in the last half many years. Yeah, it's a recluse. Exactly. So he's just, he's always home.

It's hard to kind of pull up a house. He's always a homebody. Exactly. I see. God. Getting fire rises in your blood. Are you being in the free blood? Fire rod.

Yes, the fire rises. Okay. So what, so what, so. I need your older old perception check. Oh, no. Oh. Pierre, how could you? Oh, my God.

Warming up. Warming up. Natural 20. Oh, yeah. Oh, here we go. Here we go. I put it in my. Roll a D-100 for me.

Ventress dice thing. Roll a D-100 for them. Can do, can do. This and a 10, right? No way. Are you fucking kidding me? No way the first two rolls are at 20 and a one. Well?

Wait, this is a 100. This is a game of extremes. Accurate. Yeah, that's correct. 35. All right, you're good. 18 for Grico. That's a good.

I don't see, but that is a, that's an 11. Grico and Gideon, you, as you, as you're having this conversation, you begin to notice bits of movement. You're actually alerted by the sound first. The guttural croaking sounds, is you realize that you were being watched by at least four grinning sinners

that are placed randomly around the Crossroads Tavern. Hey, do you hear that? It would. Oh yeah, no, some of our friends from the riverboat are coming and they're here too. What are the tensions? Are they bully words? Yeah, yeah, no, no, I think that one,

that was Gaston. That one was P.Other Pierre. Hello, you know. Yeah, the grand sinners are here. Oh God, Matt's you stay. Oh no. I'm glad you told me and I was about to suggest we kill Remy. We killed the guru.

I'm gonna pretend you this. say that. You don't have to, I didn't. Oh, good. Look, we should get the fuck out of here, is all I'm saying. No more discussing any business, all right? Nope. I'm gonna, just, I guess, this breakfast alone's gonna cost us go two, two gold pieces. Already paid for it. Oh, we already paid for it. Never mind. I'm gonna, let's get the fuck out of it. Oh, Hootzie's still sleeping. Hootsie's right next to you. Oh, Hootzie's right here, let's go! Oh, Hootsey! She was doing a jig earlier. Oh, yeah, your stylus, was very nice. Would you lock another? a hootie snack. The people threw money.

Oh, no, these are buttons. That's weird. Oh. Well, maybe we can add them to a little vest or hat. Here we go. Oh, you're so cute. Well, let's all go and to the bank where we have 100,000 gold pieces and that is where we will head. Oh, to the bank.

Wait, Frosty. You have a banking cow of 100,000 gold pieces? And as you yell this, they're a lot. The entire tavern As everybody turns and looks. Did you hear that? They have a bank with 100,000 gold pieces. Look, we're in the Crawdad Court.

You know what that means, right? All these people, they have a big, probably 10-inch-long hunting knife in a left coat pocket, and they would not hesitate to stab you in the kidney and steal all two gold pieces. But I'd rather keep my kidney. Let's all try to keep our kidney. I stand up and I sort of brush off my jacket and I put my hat on.

Chandlery? Chandling? I brush off my vest and put all my hat on as well. I will pull my hood up and I will stand like this and look really bad at us. I stand up super tall, flexed back a little bit and let the chain slam loudly on the floor. Oh, did you get enough to eat hoot, see? You get a little bit more to stop. You know, we don't know the next time we're gonna stop.

Perhaps there will be rats on the way. Yeah, get the rancers across the ground by your feet. I'll crush it. Do that thing! Do that thing! I cast a mind slipper on the rat. The rat's eyes. The rat's eyes go, hmm.

You're gonna make Hootie terrible catching rats if you keep doing it, but I always like watching it. Oh, no, tough love. I understand. stand. You gotta get it. Oh, hoots! Oh, come up! There we go. Oh, good.

Oh, you're so good. You're so good at catching bratsnakes. Okay. I'm already happening. You're just getting out. Oh, look over my shoulder. Oh, gosh, isn't she the most wonderful thing you've ever seen? Okay, okay.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Pierre. Goodbye, do you stand? And you make your way out into the Codadad quarter. God add quarter. The sound of the tavern was quite loud, even for this early morning hour. And as you make your way outside, though the town square that you're in here is bustling, it is quieter than it was inside. And you look around, you see different markets and food stalls, restaurants, even another tavern further down the way. And in the very center of the square, you see that faded thing, the job board.

Oh, no. Well, I guess it doesn't hurt you at least love. See, you know, maybe we can make a quick hundred gold pieces, you know, start to put a den in it. I thought you were kidding about the job board. I wish I wasn't. Perhaps there will be extremely lucrative but difficult and dangerous a task for us, and we can handle it together. man I wish we had the rest of the crew with us

we'd be able to figure it out together oh like all the connies and various acts that yeah they probably wouldn't care if you never paid this is the crew

we're the crew now it's just us remember that we had to show of the carnival and you know we were run out of town because I wrote so many IOU I should have trusted

that account you know if you If you look at the letter, did you get charged for the IOUs or just actual money spend? Oh, you know what? That's a good question. Because perhaps we can reduce the amount if they were IOUs and you never were beholden to the amounts that you were paying. No, no, he's got the IOUs. Okay. All right. What was worth asking? I approached the job board and scan whether or not I'm going to be a barmaid or not. Sure, you make your way up to the job board and you can see that there are significant. advertisements that have been left here for a long time. You see one, it's Missing Cat, Calico.

Please return to Francine. And the reward? Five silver pieces. Oh. You see an advertisement for Bayou Brass Bar and Music Shop. They're looking for a musical act, 10 gold pieces a night. Guaranteed tips. Teet tips. Well, we only have to do that for 10,000 nights.

How long is that? 10,000 nights. 30 years. Ah, well, that's definitely after the end of the month. Well, perhaps if we were Shahrazad. You see that Cousin Louise is looking for a bellhop. The pay is five gold pieces a day. That's half as good.

You see that rich boy, Po boy, the new sandwich shop down the way that you've heard is delicious, is looking for a line chef. And that's also five gold pieces a day. Damn. Oh, you know, my mom said that place was pretty good. I mean, we do have two gold pieces, and po-boys are delicious. I mean, we just ate, though.

I'm a little full. And it does mention that meals are free, that you get a free meal with every chef. Hey, do we want to be? Four more chefs with the rest of our large feathers, but together. Well, there's only two problems with that from me. I eat everything there is, and I don't know how to cook.

Well, I know how to cook, but I promise myself I'd never go back to that professionally. You may have no choice. In 30 days, you might be whatever Remi will do to it. What do you think he's actually going to... It's less than 30 days. It is the seventh of the month. Oh. So we got three weeks.

What will he do to you? And I guess us by proxy? You know, it's hard to say, but some combination of I guess the end results all the same. We no longer be living. And whatever awaits us in the thereafter wouldn't be too pleasant.

Well, what the hell are we even doing at this damn board? There's nothing we're going to do in three weeks that is going to give us 100,000 gold pieces and keep our souls firmly not sucked directly through our fucking eye sockets. Well, you can do that? Can you do that? Maybe. Yeah, you can pretty much do that. Yeah.

I've seen some, it's like basically you look at some of the fellas after he's done with them. They look like empty Capri sons. It's not. They look like that chick in the closet. it at the beginning of the movie The Ring. Exactly right. That's called a major image in Agway. Sorry, yeah.

Oh, yeah, just with it away. I had an idea. I think I heard someone said, I never went to business school, but you've got to spend money to make money. Unfortunately, we don't have the money to spend. No, well, we have two gold pieces. What about that fella

that's selling soap with a prize inside? What if we give him two gold pieces worth of soap? And maybe one of them has a hundred thousand gold pieces in it. You know what's funny? For his whole thing being selling soap, he doesn't really smell like, it doesn't smell appropriate for that. Maybe we don't take ideas from the guy

that doesn't know how to play poker and eats his cigars. You know, it looked like the canola. Yes. I remember you saying, Matt. It was too slow, Grico, I'm sorry. I will show you how to smoke cigars and play poker one day. If we survived

this. There's always smoked a pipe, but this is very easy, simple. I'm going to continue to scan the job board. Is there anything that looks like maybe something without a price on it? Roll an investigation check. Is there anything

bordered in gold with an exclamation mark over it? This is spilt. Oh, no, that isn't patched into the next one. You know what? I'm going to stick with my natural one dice. Let's find out. Yeah, yeah.

I'm not going to switch over. That's because it gave me a bad role. There it is. Let's say hello to a... What's 17 plus 16? Or 7 plus 16. Fucking 23. I'm smart.

I'm Frost. I'm an in-based character. You look back at the job board and those are the newest postings. Everything else looks significantly older and your mind goes back to that cat. Like it's not that much, but that poor girl is missing her cat. You could at least take that sign and if you happen to see the calico cat while you're about and you pull it off of the job board and you see a sign beneath it. Who?

Lost Warlock patron. Madrick Rosloff's Arch Faye Warlock Guild. My warlock patron Zabylna has been lost to me for some time now. I am seeking out an adventuring party willing to travel into Prismere and uncover her whereabouts. I can offer grand rewards. Meet me at the giant pumpkin patch to the south of town, if interested in this quest. The sign looks a bit older. It clearly hasn't gotten any attention or love, but you can tell.

tell by looking at it, there are dates marked into the side of it with a little note that says, still seeking. And you see that it was updated just three days prior. Well, take a look at both of these job options. I'm going to propose that we pursue the cat off. For five silver gold pieces. Yes, because cat owners, they tend to be shifty, and maybe we can find something in her mattress, for example.

No, actually, you know what? The Lost Warlock patron is intriguing, but there's no actual amount on here. We have no way of no... We could be wasting time. Matthew? Got my hands together. Guild of Warlocks?

Oh, Archfay Warlocks. All right. A different persuasion than I am. Oh, what does it say? How much does it pay? It doesn't say, Gid. Frost just said, that is so... You know, how much you think grand riches is, huh?

With our luck, it's going to be 99,9007 gold pieces. But then we just have to rescue two or three cats and we'll be all ready. We can do this first, and then we can just fucking cats everywhere. No, I'm doing one thing. I'm doing one thing. I have to rescue this patron. I'm not saving the cat. I mean, look, it says grand reward. I mean, guilds always have tons. You know, you know how much dues cost to be in a guild? It's ridiculous.

I mean, you know, even if we can find where this guild is and rob them, now that's an idea. I don't know if we should rob from anyone who calls themselves a warlock. Perhaps if they call themselves peace locks. The easiest shit. There's even a skull on. Does that spook you too, Frost? Oh, inside of a scroll. I mean, yeah.

Are you war, long, grannie? I mean, yeah. Can you say, oh, hey, fellow, how can you do, fellow, what I will say is looking at it, it makes you think of when your grandparents needed to make some kind of digital image and they used a lot of those, that clip art. This is just Microsoft word clip art.

Hey, Kevin, help me with the computer here. I gotta find my one life page. You should never let us talk for more than five times. Get the bug over here, Kevin. over you, Kevin. I mean, yeah, I'm a warlock, but look, if you read, it's an Archvay Warlock. That's a totally different kind of warlock than what I am.

Well, now, here's the other thing. Clippy, I hear you need some help finding the picture. Get the fuck out of here. How do I turn this off? For shit. Don't look at me with those eyes. Now, I think you're on to something,

Grimmy. Oh, boy. If they're missing, their patron, what else are they missing? That's a good point. I mean, regardless, great reward is definitely a lot better than

five silver pieces. I imagine at least three, four, hopefully five digits. That'll get us very close, very quickly, and then perhaps we can spend money to make money. This would take us the shortcut. Well, I know, what I know where the pumpkin patch is out of town.

I know where, you know, that big old pumpkin batches south of town. I would say you've even heard that name whispered about. And I will say, just for the sake of ease, you are familiar with the name and that this person, this man, has been around Agway for a long time. And he's an older guy and that he is rumored to have quite a lot of money. The house he lives in is fairly nice considering its place. out towards the swamp. But he does live a secluded life. He's got a lot of land, though.

And you, it is, he's been known to swim in the same circles as some of the upper crusts. I have a question about Frost's knowledge. Sure. Does Frost know what an archfay is? Yeah. Okay, so that's something that's generally known. And my second question, and how big exactly are these pumpkins?

They're about... I don't know. Pumpkin size. I don't know. Like three feet tall and about one and a half. Yeah. Like three feet wide. That doesn't seem large to me for a pumpkin.

Three feet? Three feet? No. If you think of... I've seen giant pumpkins six, seven feet long. Griggum three feet. Yeah. I know how long three feet is.

In IRL, giant pumpkins that three feet would not be that big. They're like... Here is his pumpkin patch with his giant pumpkin. Okay, so that's a house. That's like 15 to 20 feet across. No, they're cute. I was just Willie Wood, thank you, nose. I was just giving you the dimensions of Willy worm.

I heard that, and I decided to ignore it. Thank you. Your intelligence is getting in the way for us. You're taking this too literally. It's just meet me at the giant pumpkin pack. It's not a pumpkin badge full of giant pumpkins. It's a really big pumpkin patch. Oh, so the phone of regular size pumpkins.

Really? Well, I'm presuming. Well, isn't it three giants? That makes me less curious, but let's go anyway and investigate. Wait, now that I look at it. Madrick. Oh, this must be Steve Madrick. I think I know this guy.

Oh, wait, Madrick Rosloff. Steve Madrick Roslough. Oh. I apparently know him. Madrick Lawslaw. Yeah, he's an older guy. He's been around halfway, and he's got to be up there in years. I didn't.

I wonder how he's. Because one of those things were like warlocks generally know each other. I mean, you know, I don't know if everyone knows he's a warlock. Would I know that he was a warlock? No, probably not, but... Well, I know you're a war. It's very clear that this was an old man that wrote that. Look, either way, I know what this is.

Let's go pale madrick a visit. Yes. Well, I mean, I'll feel like even if he can't... Even if he means like, oh, I will walk for you. you the grand reward of friendship. We should still do it, because if I lost my primal spirits, I would be so sad. Griggle, if we accept friendship and we do something for a week

and then you're killed horribly two weeks later, are you going to feel very good about that friendship, or would you prefer the gold? Let's discuss this as we make our way. Okay. I will start to lead the gang south, Wherever I think this would be. Okay. You're just heading straight through town and then cutting over.

Hold on, Phyllis. Give me one second. I want to kind of like sort of nonchalant me as I can despite being on like a purple, like tuxedo. I'm going to totally look around and see if I can notice any bully wugs. Roll a perception check at advantage. Because you know what you're looking for. You did steal her dice. He did, yeah.

That's neat. No, sorry, that's a 16. Okay. Yeah, looking around, you see that there are quite a few grinning sinners skulking in the shadows, essentially keeping an eye on you. Right.

I don't think we should go through town. Nope. We're already in the crawled ad quarter. I think we just slip into the swamp and we go around. How does that sound? Is there anything else we can do to get them off our trail? What do you mean?

A distraction, perhaps. If you have any abilities magically, I'm in agreement that we should try to lose them. Well, I'm not sure that they're going to follow us into the swamp. They can't be inconspicuous. And frankly, I don't really know what they intend to do with us, but I don't like how we're being watched right there. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Once you're getting into the swamp, those frog fellas will be totally out of their element. What's the name of one of the other quarters? Magnolia. Promenade. Yes, we will go to the Magnolia Promenade and find this Calico Cat. That's a great idea, Frost. Yeah. You know, I've always wanted to try this soup in the bread bowl at that one place.

That sounds delicious. We can do that because we have the money. Oh, we picked the cat. What a fucking waste. Follow me, Gideon. Let's go this way. What I do, friends. Roll a deception at advantage because your friends are helping you. Hold on. Wait a minute. It didn't have been only a promenade down that way? So just regular style.

Well, that's a natural 20. Oh! Roll a D100 for me, please. Oh, my goodness. Baby. 30. Oh, no. 83, sorry. Nope, you're good. So that's a 27.

For my deception. You keep your eye out and you notice that as you're saying this, they begin to move before you do. Hearing that that's where you're going, they make their way towards the Magnolia Promenade preemptively, which gives you enough time to sneak into the shadows and head in a different direction. Yeah, so right before we're about to leave the Cronadad Quarter,

I would try to look for an alley between one of the two, You know this town well enough that you're easily able to find a way. And I'll say with that, the help from your friends, you're able to dart down an alleyway and take these back areas through the Coddack quarter until you step out into the swamp. And once you get to the swamp, it is very clear that Cremie knows this area like the back of his hand. As he begins to lead you through a maze of cypress trees, you're about, calf deep in muck as you wade through the swamp grico even higher on your short stature but you are

able to wind your way through the uh through the muck and the mire as you make your way towards madrick rosslov's place and for the sake of brevity it takes you a good two and a half almost three hours um from when you leave to when you're able to make it to his place just because it is difficult terrain as it were. But you are finally able to pull yourselves out of the swamp as you make your way through a forested area and eventually to a cute little, a cute little patch that is contrary to what Krami said, a giant pumpkin patch. There are about 25 giant pumpkins. Some of them ranging 20, would that be accurate? About 20 feet? Yeah. Yeah, about 20 feet.

From here to the ceiling is like 10, 12 feet, right? Yeah, okay, so like 10, 16 feet. They're huge. They're gigantic. Some of them look like, it makes the house look almost dwarfed in comparison. The house is very quaint, but it is well kept. It's a thatched roof house. You can see smoke billowing up from the chimney.

There is clearly someone inside, and the smell. is the smell is comforting. It smells like fresh-baked pumpkin pie. Oh. Oh. I love pumpkin pie. Look, the size of these pumpkins. You undersold this.

You know, last time I was here, it was a long time ago, and they were all the regular-sized pumpkins. Maybe these are the same pumpkins they've been growing this whole time. That's probably exactly right. I wonder what he has in his... What is he watering them with? I haven't seen pumpkins this big since that waitress, before Miss Dallery's University.

is that any window Gideon? Did she have a pumpkin patch? Yeah. Yes, she did. I do recalls she had red hair. You know, let's keep up a manor's for Mr. Rosloff. And, you know, hopefully we can get a sense of what kind of reward this is.

I'll mind his delicate fucking see. sensibilities. I think we all will. Cremie, you do the talking. All right. Just follow my lead. I will.

If there's a chance you can get a free slash a par for each of us thrown in all locked out there. Oh, and one for who. We're all going to go in if he invites us. No, I'm just saying because you're doing the talking. I'm just saying if he offers us a slice of pine

but then it's like, well, it's going to be one gold less and we only get 99,998 gold pieces. I'm going to be upset. I feel like the pie of it if it tastes as good as it smells. And you be on your best behavior, who see, remember the manners I'll talk to you, especially for an old man, speak up. And only speak when spoken too.

That's how old people like children to be. Riga, we're not going to die for pie. You're right. Okay, Cromy, do you're talking. All right, well, uh, so I will clear my throat, and I will, um, Take my cane and I will wrap on the door three times my cane.

You wrap on the door and you wait and you hear shuffling around inside. You hear the clanging of pots and movement, but no one comes to the door. You wait a little bit longer and you wrap on the door and you hear something knocked off of a table and some loud shuffling. No one comes to the door. Finally, you wrap a little bit louder and then you hear from inside, as all of a sudden you can hear loud clanging as pots and pans are knocked this way and that the door opens and you see a wizened old man in a black cloak uh a long very tailored nice black top with a black embroidery on it some billowy pants and some house slippers flitting around his

his head are two uh what appear to be pixies uh one with a beautiful blonde blonde hair in shades of purple. The other one in shades of green with bright, fiery red hair. His hair is very long, down to his back and completely white. His eyebrows are incredibly bushy and a piercing, almost frosty blue eyes. His face, the lights and a smile, and you see a small tattoo right above his right eyebrow in the shape of a chicken foot. He looks out at all of you. Ross loves a house of, uh, no.

Hmm. He's motioning to the pixie with the red hair. Stop talking to me when I have guests. What a deal. Are we in operating hours right now? No, wait. Yeah. No.

No. Welcome to Patrick Rosloff's Warlock, killed. Okay, it sounds like you. Madrily, what a do, friend? Welcome, I hope you. Do you remember me? I have never met you, son. The name is Magic Rosloff, and he reaches his hand out to shake it.

I have not met you, sir. The name's Kremlin Krew. You don't remember me? Never heard any day in my life. Remember when you were a regular crusty dicks? in the crawed act order. I was a cuck back in the day. I've never eaten

Krusty Dicks a day in my life. No, you definitely got crabs and Krusty Jets. I don't even like crab. Well, then you know what? You probably have early onset dementia.

You get up how young try you are. You're getting in salt. No, I'm just joking. I'm just joking. No, it wasn't an insult, she says. Well, it's great to see you again. You're looking well.

Sprightly. That's right. It's probably been quite a few years. Where are my glasses? Well, I can't help you with that. I don't know what glasses are. Is that not them right on a city? And you watch as the pixies fly behind him

and they look around, but you are right. They have fallen back behind his head, and as they fly up, they move them over and, oh, now I can see you. Yep, never met you. Well, Mr. Rothoff. Come in, come in, my pie is burning. And he shuffles into his house really quickly,

and you can see that there is a bit of a smell. The pie does smell like it's starting to burn, but he's able to get it out of the oven before it fully catches fire. Probably on account of the crabs from, Grasdy Dix. Brigo, I think it's time for you to start facing your own mortality.

I late in it. Wait, Houchy wasn't on that contract, was it? Was she? Yes, she was. Oh, no, bear name Hootsie. This is the very bottom. Let's go, Virgo. I'm serious.

As he's shuffling about, he tells you to follow the pixies that they will lead you to the sitting room, and you make your way through this very cozy a very comfortable little cottage into a nice sitting room and the walls are lined with bookshelves, old tomes. You can see a large, what appears to be an ancient oak tree, but it's trunk down to a smaller size that's perched into the corner, almost the way that you would put a cat tower, but this clearly is a pixie tower,

as there are two tiny houses on it. As the pixies fly into their little homes and they begin to drink their tea, Neither one of them seems to be speaking verbally, but Madrick understands what they're trying to communicate to him. And they seem very fond of him. But they both have cute little porches attached for their little homes, and they sit out there drinking tea watching you. Does it seem like there's a back and forth, or does it seem like Madrick thinks he's understanding what they're saying?

Yes. The pixies, however, do seem to be communicating very well with each other. And you can hear a... very high-pitched grumbling noises, but you can't make out what the words are. And you see that there are some plush couches with some crocheted blankets made of a mish-mash of different colored yarns, big pillows with embroidery of different cats and dogs and things on them, all with different names. Sparklebutt is the name of one of the dogs. It's a docksen? Well, do my eye and I gesture to the couch?

Yes, please, take a seat. Would anyone like a slice of pie? We would all love one, please. One for the soup. Is part free? I offered it, yeah. Okay, thank you very much. Yes, please.

This isn't a cafe. Oh. What did you say you were going to charge us? Speaking of a cafe, would anyone like a cup of coffee? I'll have a cup. And be happy cup with the puff. Would anyone want to help me? I'll help you.

I can't carry all these slices of pie. and a bunch of cups of coffee on my own. Oh, yeah, no, we'll help you with your helpful folk. Well, then don't sit down. Come with me to the kitchen. Oh, okay. I'll take my hat off. Don't you make your show?

Behave. Behave, you're in a very kind person's place. There's a small dog bed that she curls up on. She is clearly way too big for it, but she lays down. Oh, you fit just nicely perfectly there. Okay. All right, Gid, what's the road? What do we think?

And I want to start scanning the room to see, like, Like, does anything look valuable that we could attention steal? A rule in investigation check. And you make your way in and he quickly shows you where the, where the mugs are. They all have these strange, like quirky sayings on them, like dad joke style sayings. He's got a shelf full of mugs with different names of places he's visited around a ventress. The, the apron he's wearing. says kiss the cook.

And he's got... Are there carved wooden letters on the wall that say live, laugh, love? Yes, yeah. This mug says over the hill, okay? It's right next to the other one that says over the hill. He's got like five or six of those lines. Mine has a cartoon cat comic on the side. But yeah, that's essentially what it looks like.

He seems quite grumpy. He pulls out a... You see that the burnt pie is off to the set. and he's actually cutting slices from a perfectly, perfectly cooked pumpkin pie. He takes out some home-made whipping cream and tops them, sprinkles a little bit of cinnamon on the top, and a dollop of iced cream,

or iced custard that he places on the side with some fresh chopped candy pumpkin bits. Oh my gosh. And he hands you a bunch of these plates and has you bring them in as he brings his pumpkin spice coffee. Mr. Rosloff is, uh, are, is this pie made from pumpkins from the size of the pumpkins you have outside? Yes. Are the seeds, all lots of little tiny seeds on the inside? Are they, are they similarly large, like a, like a basketball? Yes. You've been most informative.

Thank you. Very, very informative. Oh, tell us small. How did you, uh, I'm trying to like make conversation with them. I'm so glad that you can make it. And he's talking to you as you're helping him set everything up. I'm looking around to see if there's like dried pumpkin seems to the size of like tennis rackets anywhere. There definitely are. Okay.

I'm happy. I lean into Krami while everyone's in the kitchen and I say, I don't know how you feel about this guy, but he's about two cogs short of an engine that only has two cogs. Oh, exactly right. And if this guy has dealings with the fay, he might have a lot of gold stash someplace, but I also heard, you know, they're pretty tricksy too, so you just ought to be careful.

Oh, you see anything that looks like grand, grand, what was that, what was that word, grandeur, treasure maybe? Oh, it was, I don't mean, just a grand rewards right here, see. I, yeah, I mean, I don't, I see a- What was your investigation? Oh, for one. Oh, great, you look around and you see, you see a bunch of fairy tales, some old books that look like maybe for the, to the, to the, to the right person they might be worth something, but definitely not 100,000 gold pieces. You see a lot of photos of Madrick spanning the years of his life going on adventures.

You see photos of him with what looks to be a set group of friends that he used to travel with a lot. There's a cuckoo clock hanging above the wall, a macramey wall hanging that looks really old. A couple of baskets of yarn. He clearly enjoys yarn work. An old rocking chair. All right. You know, I think based on what I see, I think we play this straight.

I think we see what the job is. And if we can find this as a deal, no. And we really got a grand reward. You know, I think it's worth a shot. Let's not know our chances by getting sticky fingers, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Well, we should ask to see a piece of what the reward looks like, because I got a feeling this is one of them types of see.

situations where the grand reward is the friends you made along the way. Oh, that's a good point. Maybe that's why it's not being specific. Maybe he considers his pumpkin pie a grand reward. And we go through all this effort and finds a bill nun. He's like, well, you get two pies to go. And that's it. What a travesty.

Well, I mean, it does sound pretty good, but... Look, you know, whatever it is, I'll try to get it in writing. Live out of your pie. Oh, got you extra... What was you? Oh, my name is Morning Frost. You can call me Frost. Does your green child need to boost your seat?

My green child. Yes. Child with the very large dog. Oh, you mean Grico? That took some time for me. I'm really quite smart. That's remarkable. You named your child Grico Frot.

Grico mourning? No, no, no, no. This is actually a goblin. It's an adult man. This is an adult man that you're looking at. You're looking at an adult man gobbler. I'm actually a father. I'm actually the oldest of the group. Oh, I was wondering why your voice was so low compared to most children.

The question still stands. Do you need a booster seat? No, I don't, I mean, no. You don't have to have to. to or may do. I just want to make sure you're comfortable. I appreciate your consideration, Mr. Rossloff. You're very nice. Thanks.

I have a coloring page and some crowns if you want to color one here. Oh, I won't say no to that. You all right. And he goes over to side. Oh, is there a little maze? I can make sure I get one if you want. Okay, I'm finally going to get it this time.

And he brings you a coloring book called The Sleeping Queen, and he places it down in front of you, and it has all these beautiful images in it that clearly have never been colored and a pack of crayons that has never been touched. These are wax coloring devices in case you're not familiar with crayons. Oh, what is chef Krova have today?

Don't spend $27 on a sandwich. Bras are huge. One of the things is a big straws. And to see the side of the destroyers. But yeah, the back there is very clearly a hedge maze that you can work your way through and an incredibly easy crossword puzzle. Well, I mean, unless we think it's rude, I'll think I might take a crack at this. Oh, we're jumble.

Here, poor, mouth, cat. Oh, the diagonal's tricky. You'll get that one soon. You always do this first thing. When he pours the coffee and passes it to each of you, it smells very pleasant here. Thank you so much for coming to visit old Madrick. Oh, I haven't had visitors at such a long time. What brings you this way?

Well, we swung by the job board this morning. You done? You done? You're all right? You feel like, I mean, you've... All right. We swung back the jarboard this morning, and we noticed this.

You found my... Oh, I made that by myself. Oh, it's very nice. I didn't even know there was an Archfay Warlock here. I spent 35 gold pieces on all those little... The images and stuff on there, I had to... Hortes draw the whole thing up for me.

Thirty-five. Yeah. Well, maybe we'd just go on. the sign making. What's the answer? Very talented, lad. Well, we wanted to know, so it seems like you've

lost your, your patron. Yeah, been a while since we've been in contact. How long was it here, Frank? Years. Years. I know I look young for my age. You do.

Fifteen years is a long time to anyone. It is, yes. Do you still have your powers? Oh, of course, of course. Hold magic here, long like hawks. Well, that's good. I'm glad that they weren't like stripped away in some kind of horrible fashion.

We used to communicate often, and I just, I'm worried something's happened to her. Well, the four of us are quite capable, and we would love to have to have help you get in contact with Zabina. That's how you say it. You are very large. Well, thank you for noticing.

You're welcome. You are very, very smart. Well, thank you for noticing. You're welcome. You are a great liar. Thank you for noticing. I like you a lot. Thank you.

You're welcome. Oh, I'm brushing. Do you think you're capable of handling something like this? It requires going into the Faye Wild, a place that even the strongest of them can't survive. I understood that we were going to in a place called the Prismere. I was hoping that we were going to be looking for a cat, given the name. Why? Well, because it's not important.

The Prismere that you're... asking us to go to, is that in this faywild? It is a, it is a domain of the faywild that is, the domain that Sibylna rules over. In the faywild. Yes, she is the queen of the palace of hearts desire. She's a, like a fairy godmother of sorts, kind and gentle. She, uh,

She is sorely missed. Well, it definitely sounds interesting. I mean, I've heard of the Fay Wilde. I've never been. Would you know how to get us there, or could you at least point us in the right direction if we would, you know, think on this task? Frost, have you ever been to the Fay Wild?

I've never been to the Fay Wild. I actually, there are many cleaner locations, which I'd like to journey. I've never been to DeFey Wild either. Have you ever been getting you? Don't look at me. I'm not going to fucking Faye Wild. I don't think. I think I've been...

Have you ever been into the Faye Wild? Went to twice. No, you're being a little coy. Very interested. So, would you be able to help us get there? Actually, as fate would have it, the Witchlight Carnival is in town. The what?

The carnival. The witch-like carnival. It was created by Zabylnaz away from mortals to enter Prismere if they wanted to beseech her for her help. Has it already been eight years? Hoopsie and we've been together for eight years? Wait. When does it come? It's been here for five days.

There's a carnival here in our way. It has three more days left. Well, it sits out of town. Oh, my gosh. It's almost your birthday, Hootie? Oh, we have to have the greatest party. Three more names, you say. Yes.

And it's about a three-day travel to get there. So you'd have to leave soon. Three. There's a little bit of a problem. You know about this? Yeah, no, I used to work a... the, Oh, that's great!

I mean, it was just a very, it was a temp gig, you know. I was down on me luck. It was before I met you Frosty. And so then, obviously, that'd be before I met you, I mean. I don't think you've ever mentioned it in the years we've been to get. Oh, that's where Hootie and I met.

It's where we first got our inseparable bonds. You were just, oh, this big. You've never called it the Witchlight Carnival and all the stories you've told. You just said, the carnival. Oh yeah, well, because I kind of took Hootsie. I'm not sure if it was like, Oh, hey, take this hour a bear.

I'm like, come on, Hoossey, let's get out of here. Well, the last time I visited, it was owned by Two Shatter Kai, a Mr. Witch and Mr. Light. I believe that they still run it, but they were not the original owners. Go? So if it wasn't,

a different owner when you stole your Elbeer, you should be fine. Oh, it was eight years ago. It was the last time it was here. Well, that was the last time I was there. And it was run by a Mr. Witcher to Mr. Light then. Well, oh, well, mate. Well, I didn't really meet in here yet. I'm kind of just stayed with the goblins.

I was really base level carnie, a little bit of, little bit of beast taming once I earned myself. A little juggling. Nothing major. They probably don't know. They have a really high turnaround rate. Yeah, I guess you had a benefit weren't very good, either.

Well, it's an eight day, yeah. I mean, is it eight days or eight years? Eight days. Eight days and eight years, yeah. Eight days and we have three to get to them. So you worked eight days every eight years. Oh, no, no. I worked for a couple days, and then I made up with Hootsie.

It was only for a couple days I worked there. You made out with Hootsie? Yeah, we made... I'm a Snatchster up. Oh, who's Hootsie? What? Everything you sound sense. It is a...

This adorable little girl right here is huge. Oh, actually, I'll have some carvings that I did of her. The day I first found her and I'll pull out all of these... Oh, you see here and you're gonna see like a bunch of wooden tokens fall down and I've carved pictures. Yeah. And this was the first time I taught her how to do her first stylish. She was so good.

And look at her little hat. And then this was the time. This was, it was her very first corn and corn alone day festival. Oh gosh. She ate so many corn. She threw up. Oh, no.

Oh, yes. The one you made of us is actually quite true. Oh, yeah, look. We look really nice to him. Yeah. Well, I'm going to go to bed. Well, hold on. I mean, it's five-thirty.

It's five-thirty. Yes, we're gonna- eight-30 minutes past my bedtime. If we did just stay up for a little while longer, perhaps have a little more coffee, we have a few questions to make sure that we can do what you're asking us to do. Okay, let me go to the whole line.

There's a man singing outside. That's just Tom. Tom, you have a very lovely singing voice. Don't give up on your dream. He's an asshole. Um, sorry, I hate you told, never mind. Give up on your dream, you're terrible. Oh, well, let's have a checklist of all the things

I need to tell anyone who wants to take this quest. Well, I mean, do you have an item on your checklist about the grand reward? Sabina is a fairy godmother at a mortise, I tell you that already. Yeah, she did. I mean, you sort of alluded to it. What is that mean?

She created the carnival as a way for mortal Center or domain and beseecher aid. Yeah, you said that. Tom, shut up with your own other conversation. Gosh, man, your ronty is an asso. Shut up, Tom. When last he visited the carnival, me. When at last I visited the carnival,

it was... You just do that. You trust this by yourself. This is your life. She's in the palace of heart's desire. Now we got that already. Yeah. She assumes many forms.

She's a statuesque woman, large blonde hair. Oh, I thought you were out somewhere else. She has a chicken foot tattoo. I can't do the foot in my throat. I'm fucking broke out. Just as you morning frost. I'm glad. I'm glad.

Yes, that's about it. Sure up, Tom. Dom. Do you want me to go out? Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry.

And he leaves. You're not that bad. Don't come up in dreams soon. Fuck yourself! I told you. Oh, um, Prismere is a domain of delight. Who's my patron?

She's been missing for 15 years. Oh, you knew. I thought you said she was in the palace of Halstaziah. If you know where she is, how is she missing? She's not responding to my text messages. Just like Remy was leaving

Paul Kremi on red. That's right. Let's not bring that up. And then he threatened us with murder. That's it. That was all that was on my notes. I have many questions. Cremi. All right. You can ask me the questions. You can ask him the questions. Well, I thought you had a pressing question to

start with, and then I have following questions. Oh, well, I mean, there's one major question you haven't really gotten. This grand reward here. What is it? What's the nature of it? I would like to die. Well, we could argue with that. Does that pay a grand reward, too? I pick up a pillow with like a beautiful

punting, punch, hung dago on it. It's looking up with the most cute manner with huge eyes, and I just, it's going to be all right. It's going to be fine. Mr. Rosswaffe, it's all over. It's fine. We'll take care of your pixies.

We'll sell your pumpkins for hundreds of thousands of gold pieces. No, he doesn't actually say that, though. Oh, shit. I would like to die. I don't say this to be morbid. I've had an unusually long life thanks to Zabylna. I had friends just like you. Have each other.

And when on many grand adventures, I've accumulated millions of gold. as well as a trove of magical items that I would like to bequeath to my predecessors so that I can finally rest. But I don't feel right leaving this earthly plane until I know Zabilna is all right. I'm too old to see to it myself. So I have decided, I like this song. Come. Mom!

I don't. What did we just say? Come on. Shut the fuck up. Gideon, why don't you have a wood with Dolph? I'll do it back. Shit. The playlist ended, so it's doing random, like, similar songs.

Yeah, it's jumping into random. Yeah, we're probably, like, monetized. Oh, yeah. Over 10 ways to monetize. Sponsored by Kleenex. You didn't say bequeath with a TH at the end, correct? Bequeef. That's right.

Yes, thank you. I don't know. Anyway, I'd like to give my shit to people, all right? That's very honorable. We would like to take your shit, please. And so I... Do you say millions? Yeah.

Do you hear that? That's just Tom. We got to kill Bob. He's going to stop us from literally getting money. I love this song. Well, he stopped singing. No. Oh, he's a devil on that banjo all time.

I thought you hated Tom. Hey, he's a right old asshole, but the boy can play. Anyway, yeah, I want to give my everything I've got. I want to give it to someone who can use it, someone who can do good. We can do good with your millions of gold and trove of magical items. Let us be the ones to help you pass on into the ever after. with no guilt on your conscience, with reunited with your amazing patrons, Zabilna.

Let us be the ones. It would be an honor for us to take this honor. I actually agree. Yes, it would be an honor. Absolutely. Wait, do we do just killing this guy? No, no, no, no, we're not going to kill him. We're going to make sure that his loose ends are tied

so that he can pass away with grace and dignity. Did I tell you? about where's the Billis Palace is? Yeah, yeah, the Heart's Desire or something. A palace of hearts desire in the domain of delight. It actually sounds, uh... Yeah, it's called Prismere. Yeah, that's on the poster.

No, no, actually, we've been to death this time, okay? I don't know why that's always your first thing. You're gonna need to go to the... The carnival, and there is some ways in the carnival to get to Prismere. I don't know how to get there. Mm-hmm. I don't know how to do it. And so you will have to figure that out, unfortunately, on your own.

Have you been to Prismere yourself? No. Is the, is the, which like carnival setting up out in a swamp? It's about two and a half days. Two days. It's a walk from here. Three days. No.

Now, the carnival leaves in three days. You have to get there by the final night. Now, I don't want to seem in sense. but if we're taking even a three-day journey you seem like you got hours left for what?

For life. I want to go to bed. It doesn't know that bad, dude. Don't go gently into that good night. You're so much to live for. Like this novelty plaque you got as a gift or smell old people. Oh, that's

just me. Very funny. I picked that up from, uh, what's his name? Tim Jumbalaya. Oh, very charming. You're so much to live for. Just hang on, Spencer? Wasn't Spencer in time?

Spencer? No. Oh, it was some of those gifts. I, I, you were calling. You looked kind of like you, just, uh, older. Did you your brother? You don't mean, you don't mean Dr. Ant too fat.

Yeah, that's, that's. the boy. That is my brother. Germy! Yeah, he told me his name is Germy. He told you his real name. Oh. Wow. Why did he ever, I saw it?

Maybe you peered into his mind and saw it. Yeah, usually he likes to, you know, use his et tufei monica, but that's right. I got that from him. He said it was magical. It is. No, he's a bad liar. It's the magic of aging gracefully. Madrick, let me ask you one more question and then I will.

Let the rest of my crew ask you more questions. It's 545. The steps. We're going to the carnival. Yeah. We're going to find our way into the carnival. Yeah. We're going to find our way into Prismere.

Yeah. We're going to find out the current fate of your... Zabilna. Yeah. Of Zablna. And then we're going to return here. Yeah. With proof.

I just spit all over my mouth. just proof. But we were, we're going to have to find a way back here. Yeah. And then we're going to have to to give you, do you have a message for her? Is there anything we should be saying when we see her? No. No message. If you like write a reletta, we could pass it to her. Oh. All right. Hey, get in, would you just peek out the window to make sure Tom's not setting back up? Oh, fucking Tom. There he is.

Step out soft for a little bit. It's just a stand at the door. He's talking about we'll run away. Oh, it's you him a gentle reminder. Oh, Newie Blanche. What? We're going to be here to Newie Blanche. Oh.

He's writing. And we're going to have a message to deliver. At the very least, it'll be our halfway moment when we start walking out of the wood, so to speak. Well, I hope you're right. I'm sure there's a lot of the ass to say. I mean, if you want us to come by, oh, no, I guess we can't wait till the morning. We've got to head out right away. Oh, wait, Hoochie, you have been into Faye Wild.

I guess you would be from the Faye Wile. Oh, thank you. I got you there. How about that? This is just a sign that says antiques made daily. Oh, you wrote on the back of it. You wrote on the back of it. I see it, I see it.

Very, very nice. I will keep this close to my person. Thank you. How can we prove to you when we return that we've delivered this? That's part of your quest. Well, but surely she has like, reps a code word that she would tell only us. No.

Well, we'll find that proof. All right. Well, do you mind if we get this in writing that if we successfully do this, I could provide a contract that you could just sign if that would have. Yeah, please. And I'll snap and there'll be like a burst of almost shadow. And a filled out contract will appear in the air floating with a line and an X next to it. And I'll reach into my jacket and I'll pull out a nice carved bone pen that has a feather on the end of it.

If you just use this to sign. This is horrific. It might hurt a little bit, but just sign quick. Oh, the arthritis. He signed, you can hear his wrist creaking as he signs his name. It sounds like a tree falling over in the forest. That is a nightmare. As he signs his name, you'll see that it's in.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, arthritis! You'll see that it's in red ink, but it's actually his own blood. Oh, wasn't the blood that bothered me? I've got the penis! Easy pricks his finger and does a test. Why did that contract smell like pumpkin spice?

Yeah, I'm taking away the combat tonight. The contract will roll up in midair, and you'll see it sort of seal with a magical stamp of a skull with the top hat, it'll sort of vanish in a puff of shadow. Thank you, kind of my friend. And so you obviously want the down payment to start. Obviously. He rifles through. He's got this cute little crocheted purse on his side,

and he opens a little button, and he rifles through, and you see that there are like three or four pairs of bifocals. He's got a pair of mittens. There's another coffee, mug in there, an old wallet that appears to be empty, a picture of a really, really sexy older lady. And then there is an envelope that seems to be filled with things. And he, I'm sure just half a million or a million gold pieces that start would make. It says rewards for quest, open. And then with an arrow pointing to the back. And he looks and he turns it around,

he opens up the envelope and he starts rifling through. He's a bag of beans. Oh. I love beans. That's too short for this, young man. A cloak of displacement. Gosh, you like all the girls from high school. He looks towards you.

Letters. And he looks towards you and gives you a bag of 500 gold pieces. Oh. This is... Oh, wow, that's probably a bag of gold man. Well, it's counted when we're back. I just did a quick math for you. I've been practicing.

I know. All right, friend. Well, just point us in the direction of the carnival, and we'll start on my way right now. Oh, oh, oh. Did I give you the letters? Yeah, you gave him the goal. You gave me reading material. Can you read, Sonny?

We're going to find out, I guess. I hope so. Well, with that, I think that I would like to go to. bed now. Well, friend, it's been a pleasure. Doing business with you. Oh, oh, oh, I can't have you leave yet. Oh, boy. You're not going to be able to get into the carnival without these. These. Oh, don't mind to find. Wow. Oh. Wow. These are nice tickets. What do you think they make these from? If you try and get into the carnival without a ticket, they're all. They're all. Lots of horrible things that could happen.

So you make sure you keep that on you. I got the foil version. That's very valuable. No, it's the second edition. Sorry. Oh, shit, it's beta. You know, I don't appreciate that we run the Agway to lay low after failing as carnival workers. And this carnival comes into town and shows us up,

even in the quality, quality of the day. tickets. I mean, this is just, this is beautiful. You know what, Kremi? And don't take this to wrong way. The one thing that I never did get from the Witchelike Carnival was an IOU. Oh. Thanks, Rick. That helps.

Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't know what the point of that was, but, you know, I'll think... What are the minds on this thing? Hootie was not happy there, so they... Hootie loved Carnival crew. You love dancing. It's little details like this why we

ultimately collapsed and thought you such bankruptcy. Yeah, well, I'll take it's like. That in that fucking camp. Just crazy, we're just gonna let you do it. Oh my God, when I'm gonna shut up.

Leave! Leave! Oh, God, holography! Get the fuck got away out! Um, well, I, uh, uh, goodbye, uh, Pixie ladies. Uh, it's been a pleasure. to meet you. We look forward to seeing you in um, uh, eight days plus three.

Oh, the time flows differently in the Faywild. So hopefully you will have more time than you need and not less. Even better. Assuming then we don't do it the other way, then everything's going to be just fine with the Remig. Oh, yes. We'll be back soon. We will find it to build. We'll bring it back and we'll all have pumpkin pie together. Thank you for these beans. Yeah, for these letters. And for the pie, thank you, and the chantilly cream

and the custard, nice to her. You're welcome. He pets you on the head. You're a really nice, lad. Oh, thank you. Tom, you can come back for your serenade. Fuck up! Tom, I think he is...

Can you just break his... arm as we leave. Just a little... I can do that. Just one half, not all the way. Yeah, yeah, just a little... No compound for actions this time, all right? Just so we can't play the banjo for a little bit.

Wait, what's it con? Is that when you see the bone? It's when it spirals. I don't mean to be rude, but can you get out of my house? Good night. Good night. Can you say thank you to the nice man? Hold on, who's just going to say thank you? Oh, that's how she says thank you. You're so polite.

Good night, puppy. He pet suits and he shambles upstairs to his bedroom. Good night, friend. Good night. Good night. Good night. All right, friends. Because I've got a witchlight ticket.

We are you? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Is that genuine displace a beast hard? Oh, yeah. I don't know why I gave it to me. Yeah, here you go.

Oh, my goodness. Look at this. Do you see this? Can you like make that? Is that part of your thing? I mean, it's kind of trippy. Yeah, you see that? It is a splice of piece

that they are able to refract the light and they are able to appear as if they are standing further away than they are. It's incredible. This is a bag of beans. Yeah, it's bag of beans. So there's like a benefit to wear it, I guess.

You're probably harder to... Oh, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Look, this is pristine. very nosely done. Well, given that, you know, you're the only one that can, like, patch us up, why don't you keep that on yourself?

Well, I'll fold it up and I'll need to make sure I commune with the displacer be spirit to make sure that that's all right, and I will thank it for its sacrifice to keep us safe. And then I will put it up. Kermin, you know the wing?

You do. Just, He told you. You know, he never told us that. Well, we're going to have to go back inside, wake him up. We only have three days, right? Just get him one second. You see as he shambles to the door and he opens it.

He's in a dressing gown, the same slipper as a little nightcap. I'm so sorry to get you out of bed. I feel terrible. I really do, but we left without asking you the most important thing. I must have forgotten to ask. It definitely didn't ask you. five or six or eight times. Which were you to the carnival, friend?

Towards Bobbossom! I know exactly where that is. Oh, oh, let me go. This one now. I don't think that was coming. Oh. Are you sure? I mean, that sounded like it was important.

And I need to get you out of bed again. He's going to hand you a postcard that just says, Welcome to Agway. This woman is really nice lady named Susan keeps coming by and giving me this stupid Watchtower magazine.

Oh, my shit. Is that a deep cut? It's a deep cut. It's about a witness. It sounded like a deep cut. Wait, is that true to the world? gonna end up. She's part of that church of the blind and light.

Oh yeah, she wants to hear. Wait. Oh, she actually, this wasn't all a bit. What does it say, Gid? You can't read, right? Well, I'm trying to figure it out right now if you'd let me think on it. All right.

You can do it. I give you guidance. As you see a little whispering, you'll see, A wispy, spectral, I don't know, what's like a smart monster? Actually, no, for you, it'll be a rust monster. And a little beetle-like thing will swirl around you very quickly and then visit back. And I'll touch your shoulder, and you're going to be fine, Gideon.

And I give you resistance. Well, suddenly, these words are just jumping off the page. Since when, boycott the carnival. since when is the carnival of delight owned by damn to Shad Archai question mark this place is crawling with evil exclamation mark protect our community

and send this wretched place back to the shadow fell well that's rude oh that's not very nausea oh I thought she was really nice until she gave me that so people like us don't

knock this carnival I don't know why People don't like Shad Arkai. Well, I mean, I guess it's a similar thing for every time we showed up. There was always people who's like, oh, these people are corrupting the youth and scamming us out of all of our money and making us gamble and drink. Would you do me a favor? Another one. Do everything I have, Sonny. Yeah, of course.

I'm gonna get it soon. Gideon will do anything for you, Mr. Rostloff. I saved this. Because I always wanted to be the witchlight monarch, but I don't think I'll ever get back to the carnival. Could you do your best to try and be the monarch this year? They crowned it on the very last night. Oh yeah, I think of them. You can sit on a throne, be a monarch, a real one.

Like an actual king or queen? I mean, sure, Fran. Yeah, we can try our best. Why don't you take this? Oh, wow. Who will be crowned our witchlight model? You know, I really wish I paid attention and orientation. He shuts the door. Nice.

The massive latching bolt. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com

to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snagged. all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Gosh, we have to be the monarch. Well, I mean... Sit on the throne, be a real monarch. He didn't say he'd give us anything extra for it, but if you try, I mean...

Oh, but he's just so nicely. Who do you're gonna be the monarch? You're gonna be a little pretty princess. Well, who knows? Maybe we get some. I made monarchs, you know, have gold. Maybe we get something for being the monarch. Oh, like, you know, instead of those two bits. carnival prizes that we gave out, maybe like some legitimate, you know, something of value. I mean, did you just

get directions to where we need to go? Fuck. Oh, no, I did. I did. I did. I forgot, but I don't. No, it's in the direction of Bogd Passman. I know exactly where that is. It looks like the Northwest. It's been so horrible if we just did that. Well, let's make our way.

I want to discuss and think about how we can become the monarch. All right, well, gentlemen, follow me. Their eyes look dead. It's a nightmare. Do I know the Church of the Blinding Light? Have I heard of it? Sure.

You know, it's interesting that this church here is trying to boycott. I wonder if they intend to bring violence to the carnival. Hmm. You know, I've only heard the name. What else can you tell me about this Blinding Light Church? I mean, they, you know, they're smart. they're small church in Agway. I don't know much more.

I know that, you know, it's a religion worshipped up and down the coast. It's the Fultus religion, right? Yeah, they worship some god of, you know, truth and law and light. They're very pious. And so, you know, I've heard of other carnivals coming down to much worse fates than we did. So hopefully they don't intend to bring this one any trouble. I thought that you were rolling. No.

All right. Just me hit the shit, I shouldn't. Follow me. Let's make it double speed. We should try to get there as quickly as possible, and this is quite treacherous terrain. It'll be through the swamp most of the way, so we'll go as fast as we can, but we may have to swim, wade,

some more routes. trugs through muck and grime. So, y'all ready? I can't believe our good fortune. I'm happy to do all those things. If Mr. Roslop was telling the truth, good grief. The job boy paid off. I can't believe it.

I mean, it's like, this is our prayers that are answered. You understand? I mean, what are the odds that something fall into our lap like this? It's logical. But let's see this to it's conclusion. I have a good feeling. And I have it in blood. So if we make good, he can't back out.

That's why you're here. All right. This way, mine the pumpkins. Maybe you'll get a little help from the Marfriends on your facade. And I will try to commune with the primal spirits to help us through the swamp. The urge to smash these pumpkins is overwhelming. Smashing pumpkins. Does that manifest in any way?

I would just be regularly casting guidance, basically, to help us along the way. You take one last look at Madricks House. Did you read the letters? No, it's popular. Okay. You take one last look at Madricks House as you make your way along the winding path off of his property. And Cremie is in the lead as he is. is guiding you back into the swamp towards what he believes to be bog possum.

And at first, you notice nothing strange. But as you continue further in, Kremi, you begin to notice that these are not the cypress trees you remember. These are mangrove trees. The roots are larger. The swamp water is murkier. And it almost has an incandescent look to it. almost as if it glitters and sparkles and almost like an oil slick kind of look to it as it moves. You begin to listen and all around you the noises of the swamp are similar, but different.

Almost as if they are, the sounds are heightened in a way. And you begin to look for some of the, um, some of the, um, some of the, waypoints that you would normally look for, the landmarks that would mark your path, and you realize that you don't see any of those landmarks. You turn around, from this point, you should be able to see Madricks home off in the distance. But as you turn around, the way that you had come, that path, is completely gone. Is it right? These trees don't even grow here.

Where the hell are we? I mean, we... Oh, grummy, you got us. lost already. Well no, no, no, no, hold on, hold on. So we're coming from southeast. No, I don't, I don't even recognize where we came from. This is, just remember to change your socks, Ho Chi, you especially. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me just think. This is, no, there are no trees like this at all anywhere near Agway. Unless this is new, I mean, maybe it's like those giant pumpkins. Maybe something in the soil.

changed and the biolins changed since I was last year. It's been some years. I imagine perhaps magical changes, perhaps some kind of calamity has occurred. I mean, everything just seems kind of, I don't know, rimey or the darker or like. I don't know, it doesn't feel like home. Do you think that we're still on the right path?

Do we need to try and turn back? well I mean I don't know what else to say we are flat lost I have no idea but none of this looks familiar hmm you think maybe my sense of direction

was all mixed up maybe did he like put some kind of charm on me or like some kind of curse well he wanted us to get there think he wasn't a fucked it all up for us like immediately yeah like immediately

Sam. Oh, no. Can I... Do I have a sense of which direction is north? Yes. You don't feel like your sense of direction has changed. It's just that the terrain around you is different. You imagine you could still make your way to where you believe Bogpossum and the carnival should be. You just won't have the landmarks to guide you. You'll have to purely use your sense of direction. All right. He's the thing. I don't think we're lost because I know which direction we're headed and I know which direction we came from. And when it comes to a survival situation, those are the two most important things. So I vote, we just keep going.

And even though this looks strange and it doesn't feel like home, I think, I mean, it has to be that way. We haven't passed it. I know that much. I think we have a hypothesis. And we still have how much time left? You have basically two days to travel, and then the third day is the last day of the carnival. We still have time to figure this out. Let's continue this way, and either you'll find something that's familiar or we'll run into the carnival.

All right. This just locked a job board. Oh, it's a cat, and we found that. And then we talked to Mr. Rosloff. This keeps happening. This is where we're something. supposed to be. Oh, fuck the cat. Oh, is a cat gonna be okay, you think? Maybe we just keep our eyes out for it. I mean, you know, we're here anyway. Roll a perception check.

All of? Yeah. Oh. Gideon. Natural 20. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Are you worried about the kitty cat, Gideon. I'm not worried about the cat, okay? I'm just saying we picked up a job, and, you know, I don't particularly like jobs. But all I'm saying is keep your eyes peeled for the cat, okay? You sure? You don't like the kitty cat.

My question is a 23, and my D-100 is a 65. Okay. You think back, as Gideon mentions the cat, and you realize that there was a small tabby cat sitting on the stairs of Madrick's house that looked exactly like the cat in that photo. No. I say nothing.

I say nothing. All right this way. Fella, John, Gideon's a little worried about the kiddie-cab. Hey, you watch it, all right? I'm just saying. Let's just keep watching. I'm just saying it's nice to have some tender feelings to cute animal friends. I'm just saying it, you know, you gotta be let out your sensitive shot, Mr. Cole.

It's not that I care about the cat per se. It's just if we're not. out here. We're heading to the carnival. It's a five silver. Yeah. If you saw five silver pieces lying on the ground, you'd pick it up, too. Okay. All believe you.

Anyway. I start trudging towards the direction that I think is the correct one. So you been lost in the swamp, and you're still lost in the swamp. All right, and that's where we're one in the session. I can't believe we're still fucking lost in this swamp. What do we do now that we're lost in this

swamp? Should we head back? Well, I mean, what if we get even more loss going back. I think where we need to be. I need you all to roll a Constitution saving throw for me, please. What? That's not a Nicki troll. We've taunted the DM.

Fuck. I'm going to let a ride. Mm-hmm. The dirtiest 20. Taking those dice away. So dirty. You're taking those dice away. Dirty 20 is a redundancy on saving throws.

Why? Because you can't create a... Oh, you can't go to save, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, but dirty doesn't. This means you're adding the modifier. It doesn't mean anything else. Well, there's no reason to say, you don't say dirty 17. There was something that would still technically be dirty.

It's just funny. It's fun to say dirty 20, but anything where you have, I got an 8. Natural, natural the value that you hold and dirty whatever you actually have. I got an 18th. Okay. Cremie and Frost, you, you walk forward and you step down into the muck, and a large bubble rises to the surface.

of the water and as it pops, this noxious gas begins to spill out of the water. And you feel a little woozy, a little overcome for a second, but you're able to shake it. Gideon and Grico, you are not. This smells, horrible. Putrid. I need you both to roll a D-100 form of place. 27. Okay.

Sixty. Oh, you're fuck. That's the worst number. 16? Yeah, you're dead. Oh, no. You're just done already. Yeah, your ribs turned into next. What did you get?

Sorry, what did you get, Mike? 27. We roll it. Oh. Oh. Cremmy, my ribs are turning to sticks. 34. It's happening.

Cremmy, cram it. Cremitt. It's happy. Grabbing down my ribs. Okay. You begin to turn into a corpse. You immediately start vomiting up all of your, all of your innards, and you watch as your skin begins to start desiccating and your, um, your bones start to move to the surface, or at least that's what you think.

Oh, well, that was really fucking best. Grico, you believe yourself to be made of gold. What? You believe yourself to be made of gold. But he's not made of gold. But you're not made of gold. Do we see this? You, they.

You see him? Yeah, you see Gideon and Grico. This is a hallucination. Oh, okay, so I don't see Gideon turning into a corpse. No. Right. But Gideon thinks he's turning into a corpse. You all right?

Did you eat something? But you do see him begin to vomit. He's just not vomiting his inner. It's like he believes he is. Oh, is that big intestine or small? Are you both a race? I'm sorry. Grab me, keep, you guys.

Cover your mouth. I'm not fucking alright. I'm dying. I'm turning to fucking dust. Are you feeling all right, buddy? I'm trapped and also beautiful at the same time. What's happening, Grigo? What the hell is going on?

And also have a very nons intrinsic value. I'm glad you've finally come to realize this, Grico, but you seem very rigid. Oh, I know. You've seen my composition of my person has changed. I am now made of gold. Made of gold. Yeah, and I don't mean it's like a very self-empowering mantra

that I would say after I finish my morning stretches. I think he means literally he ends up gold. Gideon, Gideon, what are you thinking of yourself? I'm thinking that. We had a good run, guys. But this is it for me. From your elbow down now, it's just complete skeleton. Don't tell you, die.

That's everything we've been through. You just puke up a little bit of morning breakfast, and you're dead? I puked up my whole, all everything that's inside of me and my arms bones. It's just like some, some tripping grits, buddy. I don't know, like poking around with my cane and like what are you? Oh, no, does that. I need you as you let loose another bubble of swamp gas. I need you to roll a, I need both of you,

need to roll a constitution saving throw. A disadvantage because you're poking around in the swamp. 14. Yeah, I fail. Six. Both roll a D100 for me, please. You intentionally did that, you fucker. I don't want to be left out of the RP pro.

Oh, 88. Oh, that's a good one. 83. Oh. I can go to the 80s. Didn't you get 83 earlier? Or did you get 38? I haven't rolled a T-1-1-2. Today? Oh, what's happening? It's our... We should probably get you to a dock if you feel like you're dying, but I mean, it doesn't look any different than you just having a night out. You said an 88. Your knees become fused.

You just be a bleeding their eyes. Yes! This is a frog. See the thing. My fucking legs, Grico. Oh, no, my legs would be confused. You're all fine, but look at my fucking legs. Oh, my God.

How am I going to live like this? You're right. I've never seen you skip leg die. You're very nice calves, Frosty. My legs are my best aspect. This is a nightmare. What did you get? 83.

Vines and leaves are now growing from your body hair. Oh, yeah, I got this last time, too. Did you? Well, I got it during hypnitonecto. Yeah, do it. So it's appropriate. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is this what you're seeing? You see this? What? That I'm turning to bone. No. I'm wasting away in front of you. You look fine, but I'm turning into some sort of like Vine man. Maybe this is my super pala. You've ever read those comic books where they like, you know, come across some sort of radioactive, you know, mutated animal.

Remyme, you don't have any vines coming out of your body. Look at my fucking legs. What about them? What's their leg? Well, I can't move them, obviously. Look. But look at your arms. You don't have any vines coming out. Just spread them from you. Why can't you move your legs? Why are you not? Look, I'm going to spread them for you. And I try to like whip the vines out of my arms. I don't like wrap around AT AT-E-T style and pull the vines whip out and wrap around frost legs. You try to pull them apart. There's nothing coming up with his arms. My God, they won't come apart.

You see what's happening? There's nothing. There's a strong vines. Why are you guys doing all that? I'm here dying and you're just flailing about and you're knocking your knees together and you're just standing there with your intrinsic value and I'm fucking wasting away. Thank you, dude. As this happens, can it occur or does it occur to Frost that?

Because they're describing things about themselves that are not true that he's seeing, that this could be an illusion. I would say you're probably smart enough to put that together. Without a roll. A roll on intelligence, Jack. That's where I'm inviting. I would say a disadvantage because you are dealing with your knees situation. Oh, your fucking nice.

So you are a little, you are a little bit distracted. 14. 14, yeah, I would say not necessarily that it's an illusion, but that something has overcome your friends. You firmly believe your knees are fused together. But you think that maybe they're losing it. Who'd say? Visually, you're all being affected by some kind of illusion.

Whatever you think is a flicking you get in. It's not real. Oh, visually. You guys need to help me with my fucking legs. What's the matter with your fucking legs? My knees are locked. Look at this. I'm looking at them.

There's nothing fucking wrong. You look down and his legs are clearly spread apart. I'm just... Hootsey, do you still love me and I'm still made of metal? I'm sorry. Oh, can you please roll a constitution saving throat disadvantage for Hootsie?

Oh, my God. Natural one. I can't, yeah, I fail. D-100 for Hootsey, please? Okay. 41. She does not have immunity to this. Boothi believes you're all delicious. Rule for an initiative.

That would be a nightmare start to this campaign. She believes that, no, that doesn't work, because I don't think she'd have any idea what a kleptomaniac is. 92? Sure. Let's see what 92 is. No, not about either. 51. She's so stupid. We're going to make a new list.

65. We are going to make a new list. We'll put it on Patreon. 90. How do you just just chill out? 42. 50, 30. So what was the last one you said?

90. 90. 90. 61, 52. Didn't you say those already? 60? I mean, zero sex. Sex. You just pick one.

She turns into a giant gummy owl bear. Yeah, I'll just pick one for her. Who do you believe that her teeth and nails fall out? That's a class. That is a classic. Hootty believes all of her fur falls off. You know, I can do that. Hootzy can only sing when she hoots.

Oh. Gold Schmenton. Um. Um, she's the one. The one with the golden smentone. Everything, everything Hootsie tastes now tastes like, um, now tastes like blood. She probably like that. Oh, nothing's changed for you, Hootie.

for you, Hootie. Hucci's immune. I always knew you. I'm not actually thank you, Nose. Hootsie believes she's the greatest bar to ever live. Yeah. Another classic. Hoosy, you have, you're, your dancing is very nice, Hucci.

Oh, you're such a good dancer, but not a guitar. Why don't you help nudge, nudge me? Can you help? I'll probably weigh so much, but can you, can you prompt me up a little bit? Help me. I can't move. Does Hipsy do that? Hootie's not mine.

She'll do that. So you're gonna just plunge face first into the swamp water as a statue? I think he might actually die. I'll get you with my vines. Nothing happens. He's a very heavy gold statue. You're not doing anything, you're just going,

let's hold on, hold on. I'll attempt to push. I think I could push. probably push him, roll him over so that he's not drowning. But your knees are fused. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm army crawling over. It's deeper than that.

Oh, it's deeper than that? It's deeper than that. You're not, you know water out to your nose as you're trying to push him. Your knees are fused together. You, uh, you swim forward and you feel a bit of mangrove root. And it catches right at your knees. You're caught.

You're stuck. You can't move forward anymore. Cricka, you, you gotta roll over. There's nothing but man on you. from this Roland Nova, friend. I'm sinking. I'm stuck. RICO, I speak

telepathically to you. Grico, you hear my voice in your mind and understand that you can move, that you can turn away and not be drowning to death in this moment. My legs are stuck. You have to help me. You have to help me with my fucking legs,

Grico. Frosty, you're right. I'm made of Goldberg, I have 16 points of articulation. Yes, Rico. You're doing it, Grico. You're believing. No, come on, Uchie, give me your hand with Frosty, hey. He's busy.

She has taken a few sticks, and she's playing the drums on a tree trunk. Oh, I forgot. I thought you were still on a blood thing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, gosh, you're so... You know, she's a real natural drummer, you know? She's banging on stone.

Oh, gee, you're the greatest part that ever lived. Frost, just get up. You think you have it bad. Have you seen so many, so much foliage growing from any organic creature? This is disgusting. You think you have it bad. I'm dead. You look down at yourself at this point.

All of your flesh is completely gone. You are nothing but walking skeleton. I thought there was a villain here, but it turns out it was me. I was the Skellington all along. Yeah. Look, I understand you have a Skellington inside you, but you are not a Skellington. It's not inside me anymore, Cremant. The skeleton is it.

That's all I got left. If you were dead, how would you be talking? How would you be experiencing this pleasant conversation? Well, you know what I mean? That's a good point. You can't... I'm just bones. If you were just bones,

then you wouldn't be strong anymore, right? All your muscles are... No, you've got some... You've got some impressive gains, Gideon. If you were a skeleton, could the skeleton puke up all that disgusting shrimp? It's just bone chips.

It's all bone chips. No, that's just shrimp. From a bones. Maybe some sausage in there. Oh, boy. What's happening? It's happening again, boy. I know, please.

We're Chad. We're sorry. You're killing them. You're killing them. You're killing me. Does anyone have any, like, you know, like,

you guys are just still standing in the swamp water? I'm dead. My legs are caught on roots. Bines grown from my skin. Who are you talking to? You, the Dungamaster. I'm not there. You know what, Gideon, because you're all flesh and bone,

I am going to make, I'm going to turn you to stone. Come on one second, and I'm going to use lesser restoration. As you see a spectral blue basilisk will emerge and whip around and I'm going to attempt to cast lesser restoration to cure your puking. Oh. Oh. No. It's not lesser.

Lessor. It's not greater. It's just restoration. Subscribe now. What is that? What is that? What is that? Does that do something? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if it tears you of your intrigue. I feel like we've tried this in the past unless for a restoration is always just like Immediately than that what I can't remember what lesser restoration does. It's usually like you don't have blindness. Oh, yeah. Oh, one disease. Oh, one disease. Or one condition affecting it. Oh, the condition can be blinded,

deaf and paralyzer poison. Well, I still used it. Second level spells. If you do, if you describe it, if you describe it, it looks like it needs the spell slot. That's a good rule. I like that. Yeah.

Well, that's done nothing for me. I'm still puking, but I just won't make the sound anymore. It's just bones. Is that what you said? No, you help me believe. I'm still made of gold. I'm caught. Shawnee, on my dad.

Yes, Grico. What can you do for me? If you were to perhaps start a nation, I could back your currency. That doesn't make any sense, Greg. Oh, cough me up and give me the guru. You need to get me out of, I'm caught. No, who cares about what you're going through? We don't even need to go to the gold.

We don't even need to go. I made a goat, just cut off me off. That's probably with 100,000, right? 100,000 gold pieces were. It was actually made a gold, but I mean... What do we think? Wait. You're going to start sawing his arm off.

We all know my leg. We all believe something about ourselves that isn't actually true. Except for me. I know how we can prove this. Except for my fucking legs. Look, I know how we can prove this. Gideon.

If you were actually a skeleton, your muscles would have wasted away and you would not be able to punch very well. Grick-up, if you actually made a gold, you'd be able to take a punch real well, you wouldn't feel a thing. So, Gideon, you give Gricka one full round-up punch for force. And you'll bring your eye and I may not have a pure metal. This will be a good test. Gold is actually quite soft, Grico. You'll die instantly. Do you think I know how gold?

wooden metal works. I mean, you'll probably just have a Gideon-shaped hole in you. That's fine. No, I'm a solid gold statue. I'm, they don't call me Grico. My Schmentor is literally metal grim-grim. For nothing, okay? You've been telling me the word Schmentor for years,

and I still don't know what I'm in it. So, look, how does that sound? You want me to hit Grico as hard as I can. How's he can? That's right. No, he's good. You'll hurt your hand. We'll prove it.

If he hurts his hand and your skeleton hand bones will crack and disintegrate into dust. I mean, I don't want to hurt you, okay? I got nothing left. Oh, 16 points of articulation. I got about 30 seconds of life. And you before I'm just dead. You seem so, although when you're going to hurt your fish, you're going to hit your knuckles. You're going to hit you.

I mean, he's going to be dead either way, so he might as well at least test fraud's theory. No, dude, no. you you there's no way you your knuckles won't survive kiddian you don't want to hurt you i started biting the vines off my hands as they're growing you do what are you doing they taste like kale i'm just trying to you know keep nice and trim you know what i mean try to have some kind of basic hygiene with all these vines well i could hit him or i could probably just pull his legs apart i mean his legs are apart right now i don't know what the fuck he's talking about are they actually apart they are yeah

No, they're locked in place. I'm stuck on this root. There's no hypothesis. You're laying face down in the muck, and your legs are just spread around this root. But to you, they're locked around that route. Look, then, look at how glued they are. I'm not glued as though. What?

It's about as far as part as legs would possibly be, and trust me, I would know. What? Oh, on account of the 16 points of articulations. Oh, no, Grigel, that's the 17 point of articulation. Oh, that's 17. So, so, yeah, we don't want to hurt. Gideon's afraid to punch me because he'll hurt his hand. Frost is clearly just cuckoo bananas.

If you can do anything about my situation, please. And you're biting the air. No, I'm biting these vines off. And Hootie's doing very nice stylish cheek. Jiu? That's actually pretty pleasant. It's very nice. It's very nice.

It's quite nice. All right, so we'll test us and not. You want me to punch him as hard as I possibly kill my skeleton arm? My arm's going to explode into bones. All right, well, look. She's afraid. He's afraid to punch me, shit. Okay, well, hang, I'm not afraid.

No, I'm afraid. You're afraid. Okay. No, no, we don't want you understand you're afraid. No, there comes. Okay. I understand you're afraid. We don't want to hurt your head.

All right. Just don't move. I don't want to miss. Accidentally, just take your head right off. Like that one time. When you're done putting a fist-shaped hole into Grico, I could use some help with this root that is tangled around my legs, which are paralyzed.

You are quite literally sitting on a stump, your legs in the shape of a wide. up in the air. You think you're a Skellington. Which one of us looks like at Skellington and which one of us looks like we're actually wrapped around roots right now. You don't fucking know what you're

talking about, Gideon. That's crazy talk. I'll think I'll just cut off me leg at least. I think probably getting punched is a little bit easier than cutting your whole leg off. But what do I know? I'm throwing up my entire intestines

in a minute. How is that going to... How is that gonna help me to pay off on debt to Mr. Guru? No, I'll be trapped in this swamp around. No, no, 100,000 gold pieces would be way more than a leg. We need to take all of you. Oh, maybe I could be like a no statue in the hungry catfish. Perhaps I could be, and maybe they, you, they wouldn't even pay me. I could do this.

Oh, no, not when kids get close, you can move and scare them. Kremi, you know what you do with the gold piece to test that it's pure? Well, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're buying it, right? Perhaps that's a better test of Griko's goldenness. Oh, because, uh, Gideon is, he's afraid. We don't want to hurt his hand. Yeah, we don't want to. Yeah, we don't want to.

Yeah, he's very hesitant. And I think that, you, you're, you're the only person who has likes that work if, uh, Gideon's right about his fucking skulls in life. He just waddled your biny body over there. I mean, I do like two steps when I go. Wait, so you want him to buy them? Well, Grego, if you accept. I don't want to break his teeth.

You're very thombed. If anything, it'll be like biting into a jelly donut. I poke Grico. See, does he feel any fun? Yeah, he definitely feels fleshy. I mean, he's pretty soft. Does that mean he's gold? You watch as he pokes you, and his finger does not make any purchase on your flesh.

Like, he's getting his fingerprint on your beautiful golden surface. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch the she. Cremie, we have to know if these illusions are true, and we are only seeing them on ourselves, or if they are illusion illusions. Understand? If you bite in and you taste blood,

then perhaps all of us are afflicted. If not, and you come away with gold, then we have a more serious situation at hand. I mean, I could bite him, but all I'm saying is that will only prove his situation. Because I'll be a jelly donut, which is not true, and not how gold works for us days.

okay? But if Gid was to punch him, then we could have... He already said he's afraid to punch me. Okay. Look, we need to move very quickly. I'll punch him in the body. No, I don't want to punch him. I don't want to let you. I'm not gonna make you roll to hit. You do just hit, so roll damage. No, he don't want to hit you. Ah! It's a D8 plus plus...

I activate my fire room. Oh fuck! 10 points of damage. Roll to see if you grip. grip. You can't crit. No. I can see the skeleton. It was almost,

it was almost a lot of because he hits automatically, I wasn't going to let him crit. So you do take 10 points of damage, but you don't feel like you've taken any damage at all, Grico. You were like,

I'm, I'm gold. And you watch as what you think is, Gideon's hand breaking as it comes into contact with you. Gideon, as you, as you punch into him, you watch as the bones in your hand completely splinter. It ricochets up your arm and your entire arm completely falls off. So, oh, yeah, get it.

We're fucking breaking. Now I got one on it. You are, you, you, see, I told you you were going to hurt yourself. You are currently coughing up blood. You, you are as brief, but you. Do you look at him and he is very clearly battered and bruised. He's missing a couple of teeth. I'm missing a fucking arm,

because like I said, I'm a goddamn skeleton. I don't know. I don't. This arm right here? No, I don't feel that. My arm's missing. You're just poking it. I'm just poking your arm around.

And you don't feel anything. All right. There's no arm there. There's no arm here. Frost. I don't, I want you, Gideon. There's no fixing this. It's very obvious that the things that are

afflicting us are real. And what's important And what's most important Is that we can't see it in one another I see a wounded Grico and a very strong Gideon Do you see the same? I do see the same

And yet they are clearly Skeleton and gold Oh, funny I didn't want to hurt you, Gideon. Your lip is really swollen now to him. I didn't want to hurt you either, Greco. That's right up until I punched you.

There I don't want to hurt you a little bit right in that moment. You know, I hate to do it, do you? It's all real, Cremie. You don't understand. I'm sorry, Guilla, I didn't mean to hurt you. But look. I didn't mean to hurt your hand. That's the answer, Frost.

It's real. Yes. And we all just need to deal with this new reality and move on. Gideon, I know you're a skeleton with one arm, but you can probably still carry frost with your one skeleton arm. You're feeling up to that?

Easily. He's right. So pick him up. Not medium. Grico, I feel like I could carry you. I'm too heavy. I'm driving around the waist and I pick up. Yeah, he weighs beat like 30 pounds.

Oh, cool. I didn't know you were so strong. I didn't know you was strong. All right, who said come out? I'll reach down with one arm and pick up. Oh, see, you're dancing. It's so nice. We're losing daylight.

Let's just keep, we just got a soldier on. We just got to, hopefully, someone at the Connoville can fix us. Marticulation. I'll give you everything I got left. Just when I die in this swamp, don't let them know what happened on Bear Paul Mountain. Hoosie, let's go. Sun in the clouds.

That's exactly what happened. Hoosie. Hoosie, ooh-do, Ooozy. Whatever you're doing, come on. Just follow us. Sing and follow. Remy picks up Grico and Gideon picks up Frost, and you begin to move through the swamp.

It takes about 10 minutes or so of struggle before you finally find a place where you can step out of the muck. And upon getting out of the muck, you feel a shift in yourself. Grico, you're not gold, but you are pretty fucked up. That was a really strong pun. Kremi, you don't have vines coming out of you.

That's ridiculous. Gideon, you are incredibly hungry. You have puked up everything that was in your stomach for days. But your arms back and you're not a skeleton anymore. And Frost, your legs actually are fused at the knee. How you're going to deal with it? Who knows? I'm going to have to do this for the rest of the campaign.

I'm just kidding. They're not. Oh, oh, they release. A lot of fucking legs. Well, your shoulder is surprisingly comfortable, Giddy. I'm sorry I threw up on you so much but the good news is that none of it was intestine yes it was mostly violet scenes

and shrimp some eggs from breakfast and a little bit of a pumpkin by the time you was throwing up on me he'd already emptied his bowels or his stomach bowels that wasn't pretty I don't know I don't know why he booped himself also, but it happened.

Because when you die, you should eat well. I've heard of Swamp guys, but who? I've been picking one dogway want to sell that stuff. Good, good hit, Giddy. Oh, to break your own. Oh, yeah. Me too. Oh, this is persistent.

Yes, getting him punched him in the face. Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I really thought the Swamp kind of, It really got away from us back there. Yeah, no, I mean, I thought I was gold. Do you need to... That's ridiculous.

You think his nose is broken? Oh, I... It's like that. Oh, no, no. Oh. You got to do the trick. God. I haven't saving that.

No way. I can feel that in my jawbones. I feel like my face is... If you want to fuck with your friends, take two thumbs, put it on the back of your teeth, and then like this, but hide it with your hands and move it back and forth. Oh, God. Oh, that was awful. And with that, you lament about what you've just been through, but you continue to make your way through the swamp. And you begin to notice the mangrove trees, as you look around, are not mangrove trees anymore.

They're cypress trees. And you see one of your familiar, one of your familiar, what's the word? Why can I think of it? Landmarks. You see one of the familiar landmarks that you were looking for. And you realize that you have traveled for about a day. You are definitely getting tired. But you're back in the swamp and you're exactly where you should have been given the amount that you've traveled.

You look behind you and there are no mangrove trees to be seen. It is all Cyprus. Cyprus all the way down. Oh, that's weird. What's that? Well, I mean, look, that's not where we came from. That's the direction we came from.

What in the hell? Give it to me straight, guys. How do I look? You just rub some dirt in that. You'll be fine. I mean, you've probably looked worse over the years I've known you. You could probably use medical attention.

Oh, get a banana. What? You'll see as a spectral garran will appear, it'll hand me a bunch of bananas. Thank you. It's like has Goodberry. Good banana. I love Good banana.

It's good banana. Yeah, it's good banana. It's good banana. You know, you open it outside down. No, he's eating it with the Rhindog. Come to keep, I'm gonna eat all... Oh, 10 are these bananas. And I'm gonna get one of those makes you full for a day.

I love bananas. Can we have just one banana? The three of us, can we have three bananas? Oh yeah, I'm quite hungry. I could use a banana, and he didn't puke up his breakfast. I'm gonna take two bananas. Unless that'll kill you. It's good potassium.

Now remember, open it from what else like... Okay. I'm gonna shake another. from the bottom from the bottom. Oh, and see, you go. There's two bananas from the bottom. Yeah, yeah. Wait, so not with the little stick piece.

No, no, no, no, you want to open it. The stick is a handle, see? Oh. Oh, my God. Okay. Does everyone do this wrong? After distributing that, uh-oh, it's only three bananas. There it is again.

Three bananas. That's pretty good. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Don't fuck. It's just the great garatian spirit. Whose name I will tell you probably next session. Thank you.

Yes. Pretty good, though. Sort of like supernatural bananas. That tastes great. The side of your face is turning from purple back to green. Yeah, no. That's a really great sight. My jawry along a little bit.

The swelling's going down. I feel like, you know, it's not so bad for it points. There we go. I feel like I've eaten for four days, rough. He's still missing his two front teeth. I'm a goblin. No popsicles for a while. I could really use a popsicle anywhere.

Anyways. We continue. Let's go. It's, you march for a full day. Oh, never mind. I'm tired. I mean, how y'all feel? Well, I'm getting concerned. We don't have a map, and the swamp seems endless. Is there a chance that we could miss the carnival and lose out on millions of gold

and all of the magical items that were promised to us? I mean, he wasn't real specific. Trust me. When we get close enough, there's going to be no way that we're going to miss it. We're going to see it from miles through to swamp. I can't believe I forgot. Yes, you would be able to tell us if we're getting close based. on music. There's lights and there's music and there's all sorts of, you know, goings on, you know.

Yes. Games. Like the carnivals that we were at. Well, yes. It's like, it's bought way nicer, you know. I mean, I said, we did. We had a really great operation. So you set up Kim when you go to sleep. We do. Hmm. Do we enjoy a long run? fucking hiring fucking ten I'm sorry I don't make

I don't make fall in this small wall he said We got to put his sleep. Reef, he'd run sleep. What I was write two sentences in the next 45 episodes. The problem is there's a fucking book to get them.

We're going to start a I'm paying medulla. I was like, you know, we can have one session before they get to the carnival or 10. I guess that's fine. Yeah, we can just go. So you do. You find a nice place and you set up camp and you are, I wouldn't. Oh.

It's fucking laid on DNA beyond. Nothing happened to you anyway. I don't know. My legs are a little sore. No, they're not. They were never pieced together. But my... I have the memory.

I wasn't tensing my muscles in reality, at least a little. Yeah. Sure. I don't care. Anyway. My glutes. My fucking glute. It was a great workout.

Shut up. I love you, dear. You set up your camp. Do you do a watch? Is that something that we would have had a system that we would do having traveling for years. Yeah, given that we're in the swamp and what just happened, we would do our normal watch schedule. Which is?

That will be meaningfully important. I would probably take the last watch so that I would probably give a head start on breakfast, getting that cooked up. And I would take the first watch. I'd want to stay up and enjoy the course. quiet before having a full night's rest and enjoying breakfast to wake up to. And then it'd be Grickow. Because I think the Grammy would get pissed off being mooking up by

my Gricko. So you prefer a Indian one. All right. That's not. Cross Gras and Indian grummies. You set up your watch. You make your camp. You're in the familiar cypress trees of

the swamp. And you know that you have about a day's journey ahead of you. before you get to where you imagine that the carnival is. You set up your tents, you make your dinner around the fire, you talk about your day, and that even though right now you have less than you had hoped, that if this all works out, you will be millionaires. You can pay Remy Guru back and some if you want to get in his good graces,

and you would still have so much gold that you are set for life. And three unread letters in someone's pack. And you designed to go to bed. Frost, I need to roll a perception check for me, please. That's where I'm a biking. The night is quiet. The birds are chirping. The bats are flying.

The cicadas are doing cicada things. Seven. Okay. You will be rolling at disadvantage because you did not perceive initially. Rolling, because I rolled a natural set or a dirty seven. Yeah, no, that's fine. I'm just saying for what is about to happen. Oh, I see.

Yeah, there will be more rolls, and you'll be rolling at disadvantage because you did not make the perception check. As soon as everyone goes to sleep, I'm distracted by my own thoughts. You are, you're thinking. your glutes hurt from how long your knees were fused together. And you're still not sure did that actually happen. Well, it definitely happened to you, but was Grico really gold? And you just didn't see it.

Was that what had happened? That you were not able to perceive his condition, the way they weren't able to perceive yours. Or were you the only one that was truly affected? What is the situation that happened there? When all of a sudden you hear a voice behind you in the forest? look at me I look at the ground

who's there speak up look at me I want to suck the marrow from your bones look at me I'm going to try to scan up to the

roots of the trees around me and stay below the horizon in how I scan the three 160 degree perimeter of our camp. So are you trying to look at it or you're just trying to look at the perimeter? I'm trying to look and if I were going to see something, I imagine it would be above the horizon line.

I'm looking for feet or some sign of something, but I'm avoiding eyes. Roll a perception check. I guess it would be investigation because you're intentionally looking for it, a disadvantage. Perception? 14. You scan around,

at the bottom and you see absolutely nothing. Who are you? Look at me. Name yourself. Why should I look at you? I want to rip the flesh from your bones. Grigo. I'm going to try to get as close as I can to the Grico's bed roll and see if I can wake him as I'm looking away and down.

I would say you're easily able to wake him. Grigo. I'm going to grab my totems like, some of my totemones instinctively. Danger of Grego. Oh, danger. Yes. There's a voice speaking to me

and wants to rip the flesh from my bones and potentially endanger the rest of the camp. We have to be on a high alert. Look out. Look at me. Don't look into the eyes of this creature. Keep your eyes low.

Don't listen to him, Grico. Do I hear that? It's really spook. And roll a perception check. Man, I'm not rolling great. Perception, you said. That'll be an 11. You will be rolling at disadvantage if rolls are required going forward.

Oh. Why? I'm going to start to scoot. I want to eat your intestines like soup. Oh, I mean, are you a monster? I know a lot of monsters like to eat intestines lot soup, but did you know, are you misunderstood? So you know, I would normally say, oh, sure, look at you. You've asked so nicely, but seeing how these creatures like the basilisk, where you can just look at them and he turned the stone, I don't want some horrible curse to befall me in case you are a sentient creature of some similar properties. Good job, Grico, I applaud your effort. Oh, thank you, Frosty.

And I am trying to wake Gideon. I will say that's easily enough to wake up, at least cremmy. Gideon's snoring very loud. Keep it down, will you? Cremie, wake up. There's danger. Danger. Cremie.

Oh, fuck. Get, get up. Look at me. I'm going to take my whistle and blow as hard as I can as I will wake up Hootsie and attempt to wake up Gideon. What the hell's going on around here? I can't get 20 minutes of sleep. Oh, don't look at his spooky voice, Hucci. Keep your arms down.

What? Stay with me. Stay with your papa. Who is that? Are you looking? Well, he just told me, I'm sort of looking at the ground. Okay. Roll a perception check for me. Nine.

Okay, you will be a disadvantage of rolls are required going forward. Looking at the ground, you see nothing. What? Why? Who are you? I'm going to rip the flesh from your... Rib the flesh right off my fist when I put it in your mouth. What the hell's going on around here? Gideon, there's a voice, and we're not sure what it means, but it seems like it's hungry, and we don't want to look at it in the eyes.

Do you understand? I think so well either keep your eyes closed or keep them to the ground who see you do the same and you continue to hear the voice as it seems as almost as if it's circling you and you keep hearing it

threatening you talking about feasting on your flesh slurping your brain out of your skull chewing on your eye balls, things of that nature, and all the while calling for you to look at it. We need a breast. And you, are you looking at it, looking for it?

I, listen to Frosty. I would keep my eyes down. Roll a perception check. Pretty good. 21. The first one to pass. You keep your eyes down, but you look around. You hear, look at me, look at me, look at me, as it moves quickly.

And you follow the line of the trees with your eyes. And you realize that there is a movement that's happening, but it is incorporeal. Whatever's there doesn't have form. And you don't look up to look at it directly, but you realize that there is no form there. As you start to look up, you begin to see that as you get close, closer to where this thing exists, it starts to, a form starts to create. And as you look down, it once again becomes incorporeal. And I would say with that role, you realize that as long as you don't look at this thing,

it cannot create, it cannot create form. Hey, I don't know if anybody's noticed, but it's kind of whooshing around. It's not making any noise, though. I don't think it's kind of some big, dumb ghost. Look at me. Struggling to keep track of it. Where is it? Do you see it? Yeah, it's right over there, but it just won't take form unless you're looking directly at it.

Oh, thank. And you hear a loud, as you say these words, you hear a loud screech, almost like a screech of pain, of anger, and then all of a sudden bits of the trees in the area ripped out by their roots, by this incorporeal thing as it rushes off into the forest, realizing that it is not going to, it is not going to get you to listen to its demands. Yeah, you take that, you big dumb ghost, baby. I think that was a ghost?

You did well. Roll an intelligence check for me. What was that? Crummy, is this something that happens around Agway and the Whippewa Waddlewump? No, I mean, that only this makes sense. And as you look around, Crummy, I would say roll another perception check.

Oh. That's better. You, that's sad. That sounds like maybe something you've read about or you know something about. You can't quite put your finger on it. Very tired. You look around and you see that though you are in a grove of Cypress trees, that the trees right outside of where your camp is are all mangrove trees. Oh, fuck.

Look around. We're back in that cuckoo banana swamp. No offense to it. Get around, friend. Very helpful bananas. They taste quite nice. Pretty good. Until we keep moving?

I don't want to camp here. What hell is going on? This doesn't happen in Agway? Not as long as we've been here. No, it doesn't. And that's why I'm... That guy has to do with the carnival. I mean, there's no other way.

Maybe something is... Because it's in town, something's going on with the surrounding swamp. Anything used to happen when you were, were there, Grico? Let me think if it's some in horrible, undeaded apparitions. I would say what you would remember from the few days that you worked there,

because it wasn't long. Yeah, no. Is that you were told by many of the other witchlight hands that the veil around the carnival between the material plain and the Fay Wild was very thin, and that there were unseely Faye that liked to make their way into the surrounding area, and they would warn you against leaving

carnival at all costs. Um, and so you would, you would know that. Guys, I think we're getting close. There's some, I think that was an unseemly fay. What? An unseemly fey. What I mean? Yeah, an unseemly faith.

They said, they told us, uh, an orientation after they gave us, um, the lunch was okay. It was cold spaghetti. It was not after lunch. Sounds like a little big, well. It was okay. It was fun. A little spaghetti sounds pretty good.

The glass of orange juice and a piece of bread with butter on it. Oh, that'd be pretty nice. I eat the hell of that. No, we're getting close. We're close. It's the Vend, the Caffe between the Faye Wilde, which is I believe where little hoochy to cutche came from, it's Finn. That's how it traveled in and out.

And so that was an unseemly fay, they mentioned, that they are not nice. They didn't love them because they're very unseemly. Well, if we're going to make our way into the Faywild Prismere, Finn is what we're looking for. So we're getting close. Such a good thing. Are you saying we're in the Faywild right now? Is that what that means? I think what Griko is saying is that things are bleeding through from the Faywild.

Maybe that. This is a sign. So like these trees are from the farewell But not that we're in the farewell As the veil is thin here And so I guess those trees are Faywild trees And those trees which you're used to Are non-fewild trees

See And so that means that we're getting closer And the more spooky stuff that happens I guess But we gotta keep out They're very tricksy They're not very nice Not very seemingly obviously It's in the name

As long as they have no more of that swamp cast, I think that we'll be safe than money. Yeah, well, what are you thinking? We're good to fall asleep. I mean, we don't have a choice. I'm so tired. You immediately hear the sounds of music pierce the air. And as you look up towards the sky,

you see a cloud of light off in the distance, maybe a mile off in the distance. Beautiful, shining, sparkling lights, fireworks going off in the night sky. This is not possible for you to be this close to the carnival. But as you look through the mix of cypress and mangoes trees, there it is on the horizon very clearly. The witch-like carnival is but a mere mile away.

What, glutes are them off of? What, ma'am? That's it. That just show up. Ten, twenty minutes, we'll be there. It's just right there. All right, well, I guess no time like the present. I can smell the funnel cake and animal cages.

Wow. Do I smell any of that? No. You're a mile away. It's more of metaphoricals if I've been there before, so memory, memory, memory, memories coming back. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I thought you may you could literally smell it.

Oh no. I was trying to, I'm not going to, I shouldn't say it. I'm going to say it. So he's a funnel cake. I'm like, what would they call it? Fainal cake. Oh, Fais. I love Fainil.

Oh, man, shit. I really love fainal. Fainal. I mean, when I hear fainal, I just want to chow down. Yeah, I just want to spread my powdered sugar. All right. Get a little bit of that jam.

They're fine. You know, Gid? I feel like funnel cake from Faye Wild would be the opposite of fun, so it would be like Boringal or something like... Oh, like, pain all cake. Oh, no, I'm not. It right to sell. That's worse. That's worse.

Spread my battered sugar over the pain all cake. Which is like... Anyway. So anyway, that's what you see. What do you do? Yeah, Krummy. Yeah, why couldn't we figure out fireworks like that? We couldn't even figure out paying people. You want fireworks.

I don't know. You're basically 40% fire. Well, that's a fair point. I guess just you were shooting fire on the air. It was really quite the same thing. Let's just walk up and see if we can buy a ticket. We have tickets. Yeah, but we have to see if we can find one.

Let's walk up and find the ticket booth. Something intelligent. Something intelligent about shark. Something intelligent about the green matter in my brain. My skull. Well, I know we're tired, but we're here ahead of schedule. I mean, I'd rather, it looks like it's safer in there than it is out here. It's a lot more seemingly in there than it is out here.

Well, let me get dressed first. And I start to, like, I'll go get my jacket and my pants and I'll press agitation, everything, so that I'm cleaned up and I'll tie my bowtie on. Well, we all need to eat just like Uncle Frosty says. Who's he, the breakfast is the most important meal of today. Thank you. So let's all eat breakfast and do our stretches before we make our way into the swamp. Do we have any food?

It's like two in the morning. So, I slept. I mean, he was first watched. He slept for what? With an hour? 30 minutes. 30 minutes. I mean, I feel like, well, winter's sleep, though.

I feel like that's still taste of bananas. Actually, all of you feel like you were very rested and you have enjoyed a long rest. Oh, I don't know that. I mean, I'm not so rested. I would say it almost feels like you've enjoyed two days worth of rest. Oh, what? I feel very restful. Oh.

It's actually quite nice. Nightmare swan. But one seemingly. Thanks on Seamness World. See you next time. All right, well, to the carnival. Well, I'm sorry if I only read you one bedtime story, Hootsey, instead of two.

Oh, Hootsie's dead. Ha, ha ha ha. She has birth. Oh, my God. It's actually been two years and you're on setters. How are you feeling, Roots, about going back on no debt or didn't really consult you? Because we're do you don't.

But you're going to be okay, Ronald, because she's not. gonna be okay, right? Cause you're with, well, you're Papa and Uncle Frosty, and Uncle Crummy and Uncle Gideon, you're okay? You're good, is everything gonna be okay? If you need any time, you tug on my sleeve. So much taller than you are.

Does she need some kind of like disguise, or I think, you know, like the vest and whatever hat she has going on is enough? Well, they changed management, didn't they? No, he's been eight years, you imagine no one's gonna recognize her. No one's- Look how big she is. She's gigantic.

They're not going to recognize it. That's ridiculous. She's huge. And with that, you pack up your tents. You put out your fire and you begin to make your way towards the carnival.

You march that 30-ish minutes that it takes to walk and you are coming up on the carnival. You can hear laughter. You can hear the sounds of children screaming. But joyfully, like on

it definitely seems like it is a place of joy the smells and the sounds of the carnival are overwhelming as a sound pierces the happiness a little ways behind you the way that you just came

you hear the sound of a feminine voice screaming as if in the most pain. Like behind us? Yes. I'll turn immediately and see what the hubbub is about. You can hear the screaming. Oh, we can't see

the origin of the screen. It's off in like a thicket. You would have walked past the, sorry, sorry, Mike. Not that mic, this mic. Think about it as if you'd walked past and then an area off to the side, there was someone in there and they begin to scream. Oh, Griscoe, keep it

down, man. It's from this thicket here. Join me. Gideon. and help this person. Oh, this feels like a trick. Yeah, I don't know. It could be unseemly fate. Wait, are you okay? I don't wanna scream really loud.

Are the manifold trees still around? All the trees are a mix of mangrove and Cyprus. Oh, so I think it's like Ricka said. Well, maybe keep your eyes down, but if you wanna check it out, we'll back you up. You can't just keep your eyes down when someone's screaming for help, that's how, and I'm gonna run.

No. It does not, it takes you maybe two minutes to make your way toward through the thicket until you find yourself in a small, a small area where the foliage has been matted down and you immediately, you are keeping your eyes down, your recent experience with an unseely, Fay being what it is.

And you immediately see that, the green foliage is laced with fresh blood. And as you trail your eyes along the ground, you see laying in the middle of this area is what appears to be a fairy. A female fairy. Her skin is looking sallow. She's sweating profusely.

And she is crying. At this point, she's no longer screaming. She's sobbing into her hands. Her breath is coming in shallow. And as you look at her, you realize that her wings have been cut from her back. Do I recognize her from our interaction with Madrick? She's a fairy, not a pixie.

Oh, my apologies. She's about two feet tall. Two to three feet tall. And her wings have been severed from her back. And you can see that the blood that is spilling out of them is coating the ground around her. And she's sobbing profusely into her. hands. I will run up and excuse me, miss, I'm sorry. I see that you're in great pain. I see that you're hurting. My wings. My wings. He took my wings. You're going to be all right. I know, I know,

I know. We'll get this sorted, but first, you know, we need to solve this problem. You're bleeding. I know, I know you're. We need healing. We need healing. Oh, here you go. Enjoy this pleasant drumming as a huge growl. You're going to hear this tribal drumming is a huge blue garrallin spear is going to appear above me as I'm going to use my star form, but my primal spirit form, and I'm going to cast cure wounds, and it'll be a similar soothing tune. Not immediately. However, you're going to be all right. You're going to be all right. Roll medicine, check. So with my garran form, I do 1D8. plus five to her and, okay.

And additional? Because yeah, it's basically every time I heal. I love these five. It's additional healing. 21. Okay. It's pretty good. Heal, cure wounds.

So it's 11 plus six, 17 points of healing. Okay. You get down on your knees and you hold her tiny head in your hands. And she's looking up at you. You can see her eyes or bloodshot. You can see the. veins throbbing in her neck. Her skin is very, very pale.

And she is, she had been sweating profusely, but now her skin is just clammy. As she looks up at you, you can see the, clearly what would be arteries that had run through her wings. And you can tell immediately that she is not going to survive. What is your name?

Lexi! That's a beautiful name, Lexi. Lexi Potts. Who did this to you? How can we help? You're going to be all right, but we need to know who his name is in order to help you. He's going to Brismere. He's going to wake her. No, he is. I shouldn't have tried to warn them. I shouldn't have. He took my wings. It's all right.

Am I going to be okay? You're going to be fine. Look at this love. charming girl. I feel so good. I feel really busy. You're gonna be just fine. Lexus. You're with the spirits.

Do fairy wings grow back? Yes. I'm tired. Yes. It's all right to sleep, but we need to know his name before we can heal you. I can't say it. He'll know I told you. Hear me.

If you want to feel better, you have to tell us. I can't tell you. You can get there through the carnival, but you shouldn't. All right. If he finds you. Is he going to wake? Fuck, what's the name? Is he going to wake, Zabilna?

You're already in too deep. I shouldn't have said anything. You're hurting. You need medical attention. Can you grow my wings back? Soon. Okay. Yeah.

Soon. I just need to sleep. And then I'll figure out how to... Maybe we can make a pact. And if we make a pact, and I promise I'll... tell you, then that could override the pact that I made so that I, and then I can tell you his name. Yeah, I'll just, I'll sleep a little. And then, and then when I wake up in the morning, then I can tell you.

And you can see your wings are starting to grow back as I'm going to, the spectral form of a hippogriff is going to kind of swirl around her, and I'm going to attempt to guide it so that the wings are kind of where her wings are. See beautiful, febary wings. All right, they'll grow back. They'll grow back. See, it's already starting to work, little one. I'll try and help you in the morning.

Can I? As I cast me. She looks up at you and she kind of nuzzles her cold face into your hands. Can I sleep here? Nice and warm. Just for a little bit. You can stay here all night, please.

And she, her eyes slowly flutter and you watch as her chest rises and falls. And then stop. I'll take my hat off. What the fuck was that? It's too early in the day for that. It's too late in the evening. My power didn't work.

As the growl and all kind of shimmer back into the totems that I keep on my person. Oh, not. How didn't work? I don't know. I'm new to this. Maybe I wasn't strong enough. Maybe I didn't do it right. Why would somebody even do this?

I don't understand. I'm only looking for an arch Fay? Why? Why do this? Poor girl. Look away, Hootie. It's going to be okay. Me and your uncles are going to talk about this,

and we're going to make sure that she's okay, Hootie. Did you see the nature of a wounds for us? I was going to see she is. had her wings splot. I think she lost most of her life essence from this injury. Is there anything magical

about the wounds that either would think would prevent healing or anything like that? I would say looking at them you can, I won't make your role an arcana for it.

Looking at it, you can tell that they were severed in a way where there's a clear magical essence that seems to be preventing the blood from plotting. So I just delete it, basically. Yeah.

Yeah, this, it looks like whatever did this, they left it to die, and that was the intention. Probably some political shit that we're getting mixed up in. Do you think it was an unseemly, Faye? Do you think that was the thing that was trying to get us to look at it? Could have been. All she said was he, and she couldn't say his name. And she did mention she was under some kind of Faye pact that prevented her from giving up the neighbor.

I think Frostwood it is that. Yeah. So, oh boy, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Not one bit. I don't know what's worse. If you're gonna grue empty-handed, or getting mixed up on fake politics.

You're the only one who can answer that, grummy. We don't know Mr. Gru. Probably the fay politics. Oh, God's. All right, what should we do with us? Should we bring her to carnival? As you hold her in your arms, you begin to watch as her body begins to decay at a rapid rate. And you begin to see toadstools popping up in random parts of her body as she, as the earth of the Faye Wild begins to claim her.

And you quickly see that around you, a ring of toadstools begins to form, what is commonly known to. you as a fairy ring. And that's, we're at the center of the perimeter of that ring. You are in the center of it, yes. Never mind. Lexi. Lexi. Lexi. Lexi Potts. I think it's, Lexi Potts. Lexi said her name was. No, rest in peace, Lexie. That's a bummer. Her wings aren't here? It sounds like we've did this.

Roll an investigation check. Say what? like whoever did this is heading the same place we are. And token wings for some reason. Grega. Am I, okay. Would I think could you use guidance on myself? Sure, I don't care.

I will channel the last bit of the Garelan spirit. I don't need it. Yeah, shit. Investigation. The DC's 10. I don't think I'm gonna hit, well, hold on. Yeah, a good D4 roll, you'll be all right. No, it's a three.

Oh, that's not, thought it was neat. It's crazy, man. I can't, I can't, I can't succeed. D4. No, yeah. The max I can get in seven. Oh, how are we twist?

You could. You twist it. Yeah, let's twist. You have a couple of twists. I'm going to take it. I'm going to take the twist. We have six twists. It's meant to be.

I got a two. Yeah, looking around you. You see nothing. Well, Lexi Potts. We didn't know you very much. I'm sure you would have been found, would have locked Hootsey, Hootsey would have logged you.

But we are heading in the direction of that strange man what took your wings until the very least we will find that man and we will find your wings. All right. Well, let's go get cheered up at the carnival, fellas.

Keep your eyes open. Your ears open for any mention of Lexi. I'm not going to bring her up myself unless I think I'm talking to someone who really knows her. You understand? I have a sense of what's going on. They're just a hunch, but, I mean, if they have factions or they have, you know, she's probably working for someone that's sleeping, maybe that's where Zabalna is.

Maybe she's asleep. and maybe she's trying to protect Zabella and someone wants to wake her up and for whatever reason she doesn't want to be woken up. By the way, our job is to find the builder. So I just hope we don't have to wake her up ourselves. We may very well need to earn those millions. So you understand my meaning. And with that, you solemnly make your way towards the carnival.

You retrace your steps back to the path and you continue to make your way along. This time, when you get to the outskirts, it's not with that same sense of excitement and joy. There is a somberness about this, given what you've just seen, what you've just witnessed on the outskirts of this carnival. But you have made it here, and you walk along the gate. You can hear the sounds of children laughing. You can hear the rides creaking. It sounds like the level of joy inside this place is much needed at this point. As you round a corner and you see the large sign illuminated, the witch-like carnival. And off to the right or off to the left side is a ticket booth that is fully illuminated as well.

And sitting on a stool looking straight at you, it's a goblin. As he looks out and says, Welcome to the witch-like carnival. Come and get your tickets if you don't already have them. And let's have a grand old time. And that is where we'll end the session. I'll give it up. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast.

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