Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 18 | Snakes & Burrows

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

At the slanty tower, the party finds an unusual welcoming party...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Mo...on, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/7QVwESgCrvo?si=TLNtQSJjOQIs7Cv0

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Starting point is 00:00:01 Greetings. You're listening to Legends of Avantress. My name is Morning Frost, and this is Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. This is a robbery. If you resist, we'll beat you black and blue. They don't seem like hardened cronels. I demand the feeling of delight that you remember from the best gift you've ever been given. You look like you need help. Listen to how sweetest voices. They couldn't possibly bring us any harm. Oh, do you know which way the slanty tax? Yes. Oh, well. Oh, what does it look like?
Starting point is 00:00:35 It's a tower that's slanting to the side. Got it, okay. If you can avenge us and maybe rescue Zabalna, if Zabalna were back, it wouldn't be like this. Head to the north through the mangrove trees. Should the moving mound block your path, simply go around it? Okay, that's real. And if you smell the stew at the inn and it moves towards you on its gnarled legs, go in and say, Hey hello.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Okay. Oh fuck, we should really go now. Oh fuck we should really go now, please, please can we really go? I fucking hate this place. Hey! We got robbed by rabbits and I've pissed on everybody. As you hit the ground feet first on a big mossy stone. Oh!
Starting point is 00:01:21 My legs! Oh, my fucking legs. I'm contractually obligated. Of your legs break. There's clear. a tower that is slanted to the life. Hootie! Hootie!
Starting point is 00:01:35 I, Sir Talaver, is one of the Summer Queen's loyal servants. Ask that you free me. I was in the midst of a daring escape from the vile bevelorn of light straw when our balloon was set upon by a little wind and set plummeting to its current unfortunate location. I must tell my queen of the fall of Prismere, and I have this injured owlbear. Two serpents are asleep in the bramble.
Starting point is 00:01:57 If you waken them, they might put the squeeze on you. Or worse? to Valamie. Found yourselves in the land of Prismere. And this is a land unlike any that you have ever experienced. Your first few hours here have been a constant shift and change of the new and the unusual. And it has been quite the journey to get to the point that you're at right now, standing in the shadow of the slanty tower. As you look up as the brambles wrap around and encase the base of the base of the,
Starting point is 00:02:38 this tower that is tilted almost 45 degrees to the left. Dangling from the very top is a patchwork hot air balloon, the basket swaying in the breeze. And from it, you hear the voice of someone that you have never met before, as it calls out to you warning you that hidden in the brambles below you are two sleeping snakes, lest you
Starting point is 00:03:10 alert them to your presence, you could find yourself in dire straits. But you know, or you believe, that in the basket of this balloon is someone familiar to you, someone precious to you. Grico's Albear companion Hootsie. Oh, that was Torbeck. Torbeck's not going to be here till next week. Although I did think if he was coming today, I could also put him in the balloon. He's not here today. He's not here today. Come on.
Starting point is 00:03:44 Come on, baby. I literally told him, I was like, do you want to show up on Wednesday? Or why did it just put you in the blue? If he was here, why did he be in the blue? Are there my friends excited to see me? But no, he is not here today. There is only, as far as you're aware,
Starting point is 00:04:02 the dead body of a bully wug. Bullywug. This. What? Yeah. You remember that one of the things he said is his pilot, the Honorable Willowog, did not survive. I didn't remember. A Wigglewog. I thought the pilot was Hootsie.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Wigglewark? No, he was like a great scot. Foul nave? Like one of those guys, right? I'm an explorer from the turn of the century. What he said was, I'm in a bit of a bind, as you can observe. Eyes or Talavar. one of the summer queen's loyal servants,
Starting point is 00:04:41 asked that you free me. You see, I was in the midst of a daring escape from the vile Bavlornow Blightstra when our balloon was set upon by an ill wind and set plummeting to its current unfortunate location. My pilot, the Honorable Wiggle Wog, did not survive. I've been trapped up here for a while now. Help me, I must tell my queen of the fall of Prismere.
Starting point is 00:05:01 I thought he just named Hootsy, Mr. Wigglewog. And that is she died? Oh, my. Holy shit. And then he's also an official owl bear. He did say, after the purple text that an unnamed company has decided I must read at this place, he then said there's also, he did say that there's also an owl bear that has been wounded and is in their presence. Ah, nice, nice.
Starting point is 00:05:35 And it is here that you find. yourself. At the bottom of the slanty tower, looking up at the dangling balloon, you hear no noises from the brambles that reach up towards the sky and wrap around the tower proper. But looking at the size of these brambles, they're gigantic. They tower over you. You could imagine that there could potentially be more than giant snakes that are living inside of the dark recesses of the brambles. But there's one thing, you know, for certain. Or at least Grico knows for certain.
Starting point is 00:06:13 That Hootsie was in that balloon. At least a few hours ago. This guy happened to look like a human. You cannot see him. Oh, fuck. You can see nothing inside of the balloon. You can see the basket move a little bit as it rocks this way or that, but it's hard to tell whether it's movement from the inside that's propelling it.
Starting point is 00:06:35 or whether it is the wind itself, which has picked up. And he did mention an ill wind that sent the, that sent the balloon plummeting to its demise. Probably a Grico. Grico. See, what had just moments ago been a balloon, but now it is getting larger and larger and larger as it is taking on the face of a horrific clown. Grigo
Starting point is 00:07:27 You'll alert the snakes Oh snakes As you hear this The clown balloon opens And two snakes Unfirl out of the mouth And begin to float down on the air They're changing in color
Starting point is 00:07:54 Purple, blue, green Their scales are holographic as they shine in the light Their eyes are just this constant spinning of black and white lines as they go round and round and round and round. Can their tongues be smaller clowns like scarf material? Yeah, as they open their mouths and their tongues split out,
Starting point is 00:08:18 it's just another snake who's another tongue spits out, another snake and another snake, and they just keep going, going. It's the well-intentioned, but ultimately terrible gift from Nightmare before Christmas. I'm sorry, that was an awful joke. That was fine. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:08:39 I like that. I like that. It's a B-plus. That was good. That was good. We'll find out we're here. They probably already know. No, they're already coming.
Starting point is 00:08:49 I suspect. Oh, clown snakes. How do we know where they're snakes? I don't see any snakes. Yeah, we can't trust this guy. I mean, he's probably trying to keep us out of the brambles. There's something in there we get. Oh, a natural enemy of the...
Starting point is 00:09:03 giant strange snake is the froggy myth. And a gigantic spiritual froggymuth of a three, God, I hope that's not copyrighted. A gigantic tentacled three-eyed frog monstrosity will appear in spiritual form behind me. And I'm going to use my wild shape feature to lash out its tongue in order to do a bolt, which is flavored as a gigantic tongue.
Starting point is 00:09:35 You do turn into this creature, but you feel like you're sitting inside of it, almost like you're a Grico riding inside of this gigantic creature. You can feel the moisture of its body around you. Almost as you've been consumed by this thing. And as you look through it, everything on the outside begins to look like you're looking through a pair of spectacles. that aren't the right prescription,
Starting point is 00:10:05 if that's the interest for you, as things are larger and smaller, and nothing really looks the way it should. Guys, join me, get in, just get in the Froggymymymy, Frosty. And all you hear the sounds of whatever this creature would make. It's a gigantic,
Starting point is 00:10:26 and it's trying to lash out. Maybe if the snakes aren't there, the big spiritual, tongue will be lashing out at the tower where I think it is. And I'll just say, oh, I'm in my froggy suit.
Starting point is 00:10:43 And guys, I just suddenly feel the need to talk about battles. And as long as we continue the battles, there will always be battles. So we must face the snakes in order to get the battles. And like really awesome fucking
Starting point is 00:10:58 90s like J-Rock plays. And I am going full-blown. Oh, we'll keep having battles until the battles are stopping and these snakes are dead. Goochie! I'm coming! Wait, Grico, they don't antagonize
Starting point is 00:11:15 them. We don't even know if we can trust that voice. He's not Grico anymore. He's a geeksmarkeying. They never heard to me. My voice changes to this. We're losing battles. And Grico, you do feel like you're moving forward and you're
Starting point is 00:11:32 attacking these snakes. You're in a wild battle with them as you scale as you scale the slanty tower and it is elongating and elongating and elongating you never get closer to where you're supposed to go. All of you watch as Grico just sits there motion.
Starting point is 00:11:49 Druling his own tongue firing out like that. He's making no noise. Let alone. Let alone. He's moving. I'll just fire being. Come in you guys,
Starting point is 00:12:04 The battles The philosophy The battles in war Snakes, clowns of snakes Cretion, we've lost Grico. We've got to get up there, all right? Grickos are lost cause, but I think we get up there and we kill that guy
Starting point is 00:12:31 I'm not going up there, man. No, he sounds like a human. I don't trust him one bit. He's trying to keep his sound. of these brambles. I say we go in here. There are no snakes in here. I agree with Gideon.
Starting point is 00:12:43 There's no trusting that voice. It could be an illusion from the snakes. Look, we don't even know that there are snakes. All they said was there's snakes. If there were some snakes. That's exactly the kind of thing the snakes would want you to believe, Cremie. Oh, you make a strong point.
Starting point is 00:12:57 I don't know what you're going with me, though. Grico, as you hear your friends talking, your attention is turned from this gigantic clown balloon snake-mouth monstrosity. is where your friends had been, there are now three grotesque beavers arguing with each other. Hold on. No, I mean, he makes a reasonable conversation. Oh, we can come to a reasonable arrangement about all this.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Or are you being a bunch of angry beavers? Beavers. Beavis. Beavis. I don't see me beavers. You're looking at them and their teeth are getting longer and longer and longer. They're growing as they're talking to each other. Beaver's need braces.
Starting point is 00:13:52 What are they arguing about? And you, huh? What are they arguing about? Oh, you can't tell. You don't speak beaver. This is a very clear language barrier. Look, Phyllis, all I know is we have... They're doing some manner of stylish hips, why he?
Starting point is 00:14:31 The terror will not... The beavers are in my way, lads. We must defeat them. Come join me in your own froggy suits. You're standing in the same place where you started. watch Frost as Grico does begin to jolt but he's not moving forward like he thinks he is. He's just jolting forward a little bit and he knocks himself off balance and falls over onto his back and now he's just kicking his arms in the legs in the air while the rest of you talk.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Is he is a goblin though? He's not actually a froggymuth right now. He used. Oh, he's like a massive froggyman. There's a big, it's basically like Udier right. Well basically to me and there's a big froggymymyth. like spirit on top over me. Oh, I thought you were using your wild.
Starting point is 00:15:17 No, so that's one of my three star forms. Oh, yeah. So, no, he just looks like he has a spirit froggy myth behind him while he's like. Over it. Oh, I thought it was a spirit form, but he was inside at Crang style. He thinks he is. Oh, I think. He's piloting a mobile suit froggy meth.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Okay. Snake magic is affected. Grico, we have to get out of here. This is not a safe. I do not think we have to get one step closer to that. tower. I don't want to get a step closer to it. I think we need to go right up into that tower. That fella, he sounded
Starting point is 00:15:48 just like a human. I don't trust those humans one bit. I think we kill him. We save Hootsie. We save his body for, you know, what if we run out of food? And then we can maybe cook them. I can make a nice, delicious human gumbo and, you know, little bone broth, you know what I mean? With a little bit of celery and a little
Starting point is 00:16:04 bit of, some human gumbo. What the hell's wrong with you, man? Some milk sauce. Doesn't that sound good? Gideon, I don't think. I don't think. that we can trust Cremie. No, absolutely not. What is it gonna sound good at all? We can't go up there, we can't go into the brambles,
Starting point is 00:16:18 we might as well just leave. Good, would you kindly please clear a path to the tower? Oh, fuck. Make a wisdom saving. I get it. Uh, just to diet PVP. I just want to over in this shit. Missed on good, Giddyin, he's trying to convince us to go into the tower.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Gideon, he's trying to convince us to go into the tower. Who knows what could happen in there? We could lose time. There could be an Eldridge God in that tower. Listen, Frost, nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to make me go up into that tower. I probably fail to see. 13.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Yeah, you failed. Oh, that's not a thing could make me... What am I doing? What did you ask me? What are blocking the path? Yeah, so looking at the tower, the tower is slant into this side. There are brambles that are all around it, but growing up circularly towards the top, they
Starting point is 00:17:20 don't make it all the way up to the top. And they are covering the arched entrance that would lead you inside the tower where there's potentially a circular staircase that would lead up to the top. So my intention is for you to basically run up to the brambles and just start ripping them away, smashing them away, and eventually maybe encounter some snakes. That won't hurt and there won't be snakes. I'm sure it'll be fine. just like, let me see, let me see.
Starting point is 00:17:45 I will move up to the brambles, clasp my manacles together, heat them up, I'll energize flame and I'll blast out in a massive cone and all the brambles with a massive flamethrower. Okay, do a roll for damage.
Starting point is 00:18:05 I'm using burning hands, so it is a, if there would be a deck save of anything that's in there. That's what I'm saying, just roll for damage. Like they, you will hit them If you're attempting to hit them It's just me now Only my mind has been strong enough To resist the snake magic
Starting point is 00:18:19 And can you roll a perception check for me please? But I get a bonus to fire damage I believe I think that could be there I think it's a I should probably level up I've never once had to use this before You're looking very
Starting point is 00:18:39 Frankenstein Not Frankenstein Monster. Frankenstein. Frankenstein. You have to go to this section. This is the page I need to get in order to roll for perception. I get a 22. As you say this, you hear, yes.
Starting point is 00:18:59 What? Thank God they didn't say piss. Yeah. Is that you? Sir Talibar, I'm on to you. and your Dirk magics. Your Dirk snake magics. Oh no, it's snake jazz.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Oh, no, is that a beret? Five fire damage. You are able to clear away about five feet of about a five foot cube of brambles. It's not as impressive as you were hoping. would be in. You are in a fetid... It's been a wild gear. Yeah, I haven't had to use this one time
Starting point is 00:19:53 this whole campaign. I couldn't activate a while. You are in a fetid swamp and the air is moist here. Everything is moist here. So you were able to get through a bit of the drier parts of the bramble, but as it got deeper in,
Starting point is 00:20:07 everything was just too moist. Well, you think my chains are working a fetish swamp, but I mean, this is... Oh! Fetid Fetted Fettit
Starting point is 00:20:20 Fetit Did you say fetish Fetish? Well, you did now Yeah Can we come there Let's get that My fucking
Starting point is 00:20:30 Fingian You can't Oh my fucking Luggs Oh Speaking of kids Oh my God
Starting point is 00:20:39 That's like Down the list That's down the list We can't We started As soon as we do it This chapter is like a 15. God damn.
Starting point is 00:20:51 I go insane from the snake history. I somehow found this beret and can't help but wear it. All right. I don't know. I mean, I continue with my hands then after my ineffective. Good drag, yeah. Keep going. Just use your big mediums. Gideon.
Starting point is 00:21:13 You don't even need to roll a perception. Oh, you're rolling. You're using. your big, meaty arms. To resurrecting. Okay, great. These brambles don't stand a change. I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Oh, Gideon will roll a dexterity saving throw right now. Are you torn back now? No. I'm the macho man, Gideon Savage. The cream of the crop. The cream of the crop rises to the dot brother. These brambles won't stand between Gideon Savage. And what Kourri is telling him to do.
Starting point is 00:21:51 It's kind of Torbeck, but kind of like... Yeah, it's a little Torbeck, it's a little... I've sword with the eagles, I've slither with the snakes. Not the snakes, no. The watcher man, Gideon has sword with the fairies and is about to slither with the snakes. Let's go! Oh, boys, I rolled the seven.
Starting point is 00:22:16 I don't even remember why. A dexter. A poisonous brambles. You're fucked. You stop in your tracks. As you hear the breaking of brambles around you, not the ones that you've been breaking with your hands. Oh. Ones that are, feel like they're coming from all around you is you're now about 10 feet.
Starting point is 00:22:46 There's maybe like seven and a half feet left between you and this door. So you are making headway, but now you can hear the slithering. Yes. Yes. Oh, no. And then, with a natural 20, you are going to feel, hold on, I have to roll this. Okay. If a gorilla jumps out right now, or you mean.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Wouldn't that be a surprise? You feel your back hit the ground. This happened so quickly that you didn't realize the snakes that were wriggling around your legs as a giant constrictor snake wraps itself around you and pulls you to the ground. Kremi, you don't see anything in the brambles, but you see Gideon fall flat on his back as all of a sudden he's being drugged into the brambles themselves. Yeah! Oh! Get! Oh! I'm gonna drop a suggestion.
Starting point is 00:23:59 And I'm going to, I'll just sort of, I'll run after him to see what the fuck's going on. Bring me, no! What do I see you? I would like you to make a dexterity saving graph. And I'm gonna run to you. You are staring up, you're staring up into the sky. And you see, um, you see brownies, these little, you know, actually, you know, actually, you see corrence because
Starting point is 00:24:22 you're going to confuse the brownies with food. You see corns with their long metallic-y looking beards. They're almost like these dwarf fe creatures, metallic dwarf fe creatures. As they are swimming through the
Starting point is 00:24:38 sky, they're all wearing these striped bathing suits and straw hats. And they are swimming through the sky as if they're playing in the ocean. They're splashing each other with clouds and giggling,
Starting point is 00:24:55 grating each other's beards. Their eyes are sparkling in the sun. They're like angels, as I'm going to try to write my froggy myth suit up. And as I stare up, there'll be like this soft choir of voices around me as it'll hear.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Zan koku Denshi no Denshi no fission Yonin Yoshin Wanii Dhan
Starting point is 00:25:30 Nna Nna Nna Nna and I'm gonna just fucking blast them Wow
Starting point is 00:25:35 All of our character art in this guy Fade in face out I will say you you are able to do that
Starting point is 00:25:43 you are blasting these cord out of the sky they're screaming as they're falling in a rain of bloody terror all around you. I'm running. I'm going to race up to him and grab him.
Starting point is 00:25:55 You do. You raise up to him and grab him. He is just rocking back and forth as he's mumbling and drooling all over the time. Grillo, you have to snap out of it. Crimey and Gideon are in great trouble. We're surrounded by snakes. What is that music? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Grigo, snap it out of it. Focus your mind, Brigh. I wasn't that found in my voice. 19. Okay. Do I see like a narrow window as I'm battling all of these metal dwarf angels in my frog a suit?
Starting point is 00:26:32 Yes, yes, you do. So am I able to snap out of it? What am I able to? You can roll two twists and you can snap out of it. I would like to use two twists. Please. You may do so. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Oh, wow. What healthy youth for that. As you shoot the final cord out of the sky of this. as you shoot the final dwarf angel out of the sky, your vision begins to flutter for a second and then correct itself. And you see the clown head as it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And it says the words, you will join us in death.
Starting point is 00:27:12 As quickly as it does this, it returns back to its balloon form and it begins to sway. You see the sky change from that from that beachy look to once again it's cotton candy pink and you slowly feel your senses coming to
Starting point is 00:27:32 As Frost is like grabbing me I'll just see orange from Oh gosh, I fought the entire World turned to orange sludge Oh It may actually be happening Oh how how What do we do? What do we do
Starting point is 00:27:48 How do we stop the own sludge Where's the nose jazz music? Anything is possible. Anything is possible. I don't know what happened, but you've somehow managed to evade the snake magic, at least for a short time, and I need your help. Look at what's happening to Cremie and Gideon. Hey, get off me, get off me, big stupid fucking bram with my one.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Yeah, Dan! Hey, get mad! As you say that, you hear Gideon going, as a snake, as a snake, you can't see this, but Gideon, this constrictor snake with that low roll, has completely constricted you and wrapped around your mouth as it is dragging you deep within its bramble layer.
Starting point is 00:28:25 Cremie, you rush up and you are nimbly able to dodge the broken bits of bramble. And as you look around, you see that there is a small tunnel opening off to the side where Gideon's body was clearly dragged into. You can see as the top of his flaming hair it just blinks out of existence as it is pulled down deep into the earth, it seems.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Into a hole? Do I have any kind of clear shot at what might be dragging it down? Roll a perception check. Natural pot. Awesome. I would say it's very easy to see with the way the light shines through a bit of opening in the bramble, you see the flash of scales that are wrapped around him. He is clearly being
Starting point is 00:29:19 constricted by a snake. Oh, no, you don't. I've been waiting for this, and I take my cane, and I'll point it out, and I'll shoot Eldridge blast at the snake. I would like you to roll, or roll to attack, please. And I'm going to... It does have cover. You haven't gotten to blast any Eldridge since you tried to kill that. The Ganku, a million years ago.
Starting point is 00:29:42 Oh, yeah, the Ganku. A natural One twist it One twist it One twist I was putting my coffee bug Oh That's the opposite
Starting point is 00:29:53 direction that I want to go Thank you There we go Oh nice 20 Let me check Oh god This is like my first
Starting point is 00:30:02 legitimate 22 You are able to You are able to find Purchase on part of the constrictor snake It is the top of it that is wrapped around Gideon's head. You hear a loud,
Starting point is 00:30:17 but I mean, I guess depending on how much damage you do, it is going to continue to drag Gideon beneath the earth. Nine points of damage. It does not seem to stop in its progression. And in a quick movement, you see as Gideon disappears. God, snap the fucking out of it! Giddyin's gone! Why, no, Gideon coming with me?
Starting point is 00:30:42 any great spirit of the frog behemers? No, no, no, don't somebody in any spirits. It's dangerous. I already, I already did. He's one of my greatest hellos. I have great reverence from him. And because you've been to the carnival,
Starting point is 00:30:56 I haven't really been able to talk about my pals. Anyway, let's go. Oh, my ocarina too. Oh, I guess. Wear your robe. You meet up with Crummy outside. In this area of the brambles that Gideon had cleared away, the small opening that Gideon was dragged down into is outside of Grico is too small for the rest of you.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Gideon was only able to fit into it because the snake had constricted him so tightly that he was able to squeeze him through the small opening. It is going to take some work for you guys to make your way towards where Gideon had been dragged to. And then put my bones back together. So while you decide what you're going to do to get to Gideon, what do you want? I'm just kidding, what, Michael? Would Grico get the sense, and I'm happy to roll nature, survival, or whatever, if I were able to shape shift into a burrowing creature that had a burrow speed, would I be able to clear it out faster and help, and basically,
Starting point is 00:32:11 help my friends, like, get there, like, a lot sooner. So, like, bore into, like, a big... I would say, you wouldn't necessarily be able to clear away the brambles, but you would be able to dig down into the earth a little bit and make the whole bigger to fit your friends. It's still going to take a bit of time. It would be quicker than the alternative, though, I would say. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:35 So I'll say, okay, I'll get this started. And with my class... classic trick of, oh, I think either pronunciation might not be okay to say. Land shark, a rhinoceros burrowing creature form. That might look like a bullet, but not, anyway. What's a bullet? As I will turn into a bullet. Yes, a large land shark creature.
Starting point is 00:33:06 The spirit form, shimmering like a ghost wolf in World Warcraft. Those are all my forms are basically that. As I start using my large chomping snout and like stumpy elephant feet or whatever, whenever they use the bullets used to dig through, I will basically, while they're thinking of what to do, I'm trying to basically excavate a big enough hole that my intention is not only that we will be able to get to Gideon faster, but we're going to be able to get out.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Like I want to make sure that it's stable. Yes, I'm badger mowing. Yeah, great cool. So you're not necessarily creating a new tunnel. So the idea is that deep within these brambles, there was some kind of snake tunnel and pit that they've gone out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gideon has unearthed one of the tunnels that they used to travel around,
Starting point is 00:33:59 which is too small for you. So you're essentially digging out the earth a little bit just to widen it. So it'll be easier to get in and get out. So we should be able to get out. And then I also don't want to have it collapse behind us. I'm trying to basically make sure that it's stable. So on the way out, it will have the same structural capacity. So I need to roll.
Starting point is 00:34:18 That's fine. I will say you used your beast shape. Wild shape. So the frog. Emith is gone. So I'm out of wild shapes. So you're in this shape. You would easily be able to do this.
Starting point is 00:34:31 So that's fine. Yeah. Gideon, you are surrounded in darkness. as you are being dragged deep into the earth. You can feel the cold, wet soil beneath your body. It is hard to see much of anything with this constrictor snake wrapped around your head. And you constantly hear hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, as it makes its way deep into the earth.
Starting point is 00:35:00 And eventually, you feel warmth. There is a soft glowing light. You can't quite tell where it's coming from. And then you hear, Well, I got him. What do you mean you got him? Yeah, I found one of these chumps outside messing around with our bramble patch.
Starting point is 00:35:24 Okay, so why'd you bring him here for? It's not like we could feed him. I don't know. I thought maybe we could eat him. Are you getting hungry? No, I don't like to eat humans. You know, I don't like to eat humans. I really prefer Bixies, but there are many. around here these days.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Okay, well, I'm sorry I couldn't bring you home the food you wanted to have. I was hoping this would be enough, but go ahead. Sit there in front of your fire and tell yourself your stupid stories. Oh, here you go nagging at me again. I'm sorry, I'm not going to eat your dinner. And they just start arguing back and forth. And eventually you feel this constriction around you
Starting point is 00:36:02 loosen and you roll out onto the floor of what is very clearly a beautiful little home deep within the earth. There is a window made of roots that has a shaft that leads up straight to the ground where just little faint bits of sunlight are able to make it through. And there's cute lacy curtains beside it that provides a small about of light. In the corner, there is a large fireplace and a snake of imposing size is curled up in front of it, reading a book. Occasionally his tongue darts out and flips a page as he continues to scan. He's got a pair of spectacles on his eyes as he reads and ignores what is clearly his wife.
Starting point is 00:36:48 And you see as she slithers over towards the, this is all one singular room. It's the equivalent of a studio. And as she heads towards the kitchen, she starts to stir a pot with her tail. She's got a floral apron, tied around her midsection. And she is, for all intents and purposes, ignoring you for the time being. But I would say, given this situation, you can tell that even though she doesn't make full eye contact with you, the way that her tongue darts out,
Starting point is 00:37:21 sometimes towards the pot and sometimes in your direction, she's clearly keeping tabs on you to make sure that you haven't gone anywhere. But they are at this point grumbling, and you occasionally hear her say, you're never happy with the things that I do for you. You never leave the house. You're always hanging out there by the fireplace,
Starting point is 00:37:40 reading your stupid books and telling your stupid stories to yourself. And here I am doing all the work. Who's cleaning the brambles? I'm cleaning the brambles. Who's making sure that we don't get too much moss down here? It's me. Who sewed those beautiful curtains for you so that you could see outside? Because you read that one stupid book about how there was a mole in a hole,
Starting point is 00:37:56 and he could see outside, and it was beautiful. All the while, you watch as Key is in front of the fireplace. you're always complaining about something nothing I ever do is right I made this place for you I got all of this stuff for you once we were in love and this is what you know what I'm just gonna read about Colby Colby's got a good life Colby doesn't complain and you know what Colby's wife is still as hot as she was when she was 15 and this is what's happening when you're lying on their floor are all my bones broken no oh nice
Starting point is 00:38:32 I can speak now you, right? Yeah. Okay. Hey, what the fuck? You two? You fucking hipster snakes? Why'd you bring it down here to listen to all your weird bickering and improv jazz?
Starting point is 00:38:46 Hiss. Hiss. I'm not even doing it. Yeah, that. You say this out loud, and immediately, um, the, the, the wife completely, like,
Starting point is 00:39:03 clams up and doesn't say, anything. The husband looks up from his book, You can talk. Yeah, I can talk. You can talk? You brought me food that can talk. Whenever I ever want to, you know what, it's fine. Oh my God, what fresh hell is this? What are you doing in our house? What are you bringing me into your house for? I didn't bring you into my house. I got kidnapped by your crazy snake wife. Well, you don't talk about my wife that way? You've been talking about your wife that way. You've been talking about your wife that way. the whole time I'm gonna down here. Honey, honey, you hold yourself back, honey.
Starting point is 00:39:41 And you watch as she's starting to move towards you. Her tongue is darting out. And he is, honey, hold me back. Hold me back, honey. You apologize to my wife. You don't come into a man's home and start talking about his wife that way. I didn't come in your home.
Starting point is 00:39:59 Look at this beautiful angel. Your wife slapped me around up in front of those brambles and drag me in here. You apologize to me. And you're the chumps. You were, you was in our, God, you was making noises outside in our home, our residences. Well, if that's your home, it's shit.
Starting point is 00:40:16 So you come into my house. You make fun of my wife. And you insult my home? Listen, man, the only person who doesn't want to be here as much as me is you, okay? I love my wife. I love my house. Well, what the hell? I didn't care about any of that, man.
Starting point is 00:40:34 I was just trying to get the hell out of it. off, reading a pleasant book and join the company of my wife when this schmuck comes up in my house and has absolutely no thankfulness for the hospitality we've been providing. Listen, you fucking snake. You call me a schmuck
Starting point is 00:40:49 one more time. I'm like, just go fucking crazy. Listen, you fucking whatever. Get out of my house. Yeah, thank you. Finally. Actually, go get out of my house. Oh, fuck, man. You know what, honey? I think I've changed my mind.
Starting point is 00:41:05 It's the first thing. What are you doing, man? Stop being so weird, man. What are the snapping coming from? Yeah, listen. You know what? He starts to circle around you. He starts to circle around you.
Starting point is 00:41:26 Honey, go ahead and fill up that pot of water. Get it boiling. I think we're having dinner tonight. Oh, man, I wish you would. Okay? Listen, okay? I don't fucking trust either one. of you. And I just want to get out of here.
Starting point is 00:41:40 You seem like a weird snake couple. I don't like you. And I don't want anything to do with you. And I think I was kidnapped. I was brought down here. She gagged me. I don't know how. I think with the snake body. Honey, did you gag him? You haven't gagged me in like 15 years. Clearly 15 is the only number of knows.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Yikes. And, At that point, you have made progress. You are, with Grico's help, you have made it to the tunnel that leads down into the earth. And it is as you get here that you all begin to hear yelling and loud hissing noises. You hear Gidiel fuck at the top of his lungs. Fuck! Hurry, hurry, Grico, hurry.
Starting point is 00:42:30 And it is... Good job, Lanchard. Good job legally. Let's think Glenchar. Go! Go! And you are able to, you hear this and you can tell that things are heating up. Whatever is happening in there.
Starting point is 00:42:47 Gideon is clearly in trouble. So you begin to make your way down this long tunnel. And how are you doing this? You're just riding atop the land chart. I assume we're just behind. Yeah, it's like one of those really shitty video games where you're faster than the NBC, but it's moving like this and you just race up. Fair.
Starting point is 00:43:06 You are once again being circled by them As now both of them are Staring you down So you're saying that you're gonna come into my house You're gonna insult me You're gonna insult my wife Yeah, that's what I'm fucking saying I hear you've been listening this whole time huh?
Starting point is 00:43:32 And you think we're just gonna let you get away with it? No, I think I'm gonna have to You know probably punch you and just walk on out of here. I would like to see you try, old man. What the? Jesus. Staking the bag.
Starting point is 00:43:52 What the hell? It's like Marius with Carl. I'm like to hear it. I don't know how to run. Above the belt. Listen, you weird snake. all right I just want to get out of here okay I didn't come down into your house you drag me down here I maybe said for you to fuck off and implied that I hated both of you and your wife was a horrible
Starting point is 00:44:35 cook and doesn't know shit about interior decorating or exterior decorating for that matter because I don't know if you've seen outside man but it's just a bunch of fucking brambles well on persuasion got a good point it's fucking mess up here oh would that be intimidation No, I'm persuasive. Oh. I feel like he's a little... I think the husband's going to start agreeing with you. About two seconds.
Starting point is 00:45:02 He begins to... He begins to slow down. You know, I've been saying that for a while. Yeah. Well, him and I'm all right. She's a good gal. Yeah. Well, they...
Starting point is 00:45:16 When she wants to be. Yeah. Well, you know, it's not her fault. She just gets wrong every now and again, you know? If you're anything like my old pal, Cremie, you probably wanted to eat humans. I'm not a human. She loves eating humans.
Starting point is 00:45:30 I'm actually, you know, probably like 30% fire. I myself prefer a good pixie. Well, um, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I like cake, but, you know. Okay,
Starting point is 00:45:44 man, you really got to cut that out, all right? Can I just go? I would like you to stay. Oh, my. God. I think we could have a lot in common. No, I don't think we can.
Starting point is 00:45:58 I think you're an untrustworthy type. Here's the thing. You owe my wife in apology. No, I can't do that. Is you kidding at me? Are cooking is horrible? You're trespassing. You haven't even eaten a food so you don't know.
Starting point is 00:46:11 First of all, you had no signage out there to demonstrate that it was, you know, private property. If there's one thing I know, is trespassing, okay? I've done it plenty. And this, in any law, hereby. Agway, the other way, and then also the fairy way, not at all. Was I trespassing? No laws of man, gods, goblins, maybe goblins. But no, no, I wasn't trespassing.
Starting point is 00:46:39 You never proved that. It made me a goblin court, but not many others. Do you not know the three rules, the rule of hospitality? When a friend and enemy or a stranger enters your home, you expect to be, Fuck, that's me. I got to be gracious to you. God damn it. Oh, suddenly lords are pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:47:04 I thought you had to be nice to me in my own home. Well, so long. I didn't say you could leave my home. I said I had to be gracious to you while you in my... And to be fears, isn't that what I've been doing? Well, you've been kidnapping me and telling me I can't leave, so it's kind of the opposite of gracious. I have not been kidnapping you.
Starting point is 00:47:23 Well, you've been holding me. against my will with the threat of licking me or something. I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but with the tongue, you know, you're always flashing your tongue at me and I don't like it. That's how they see. I'm uncomfortable. Why do you have the eyes if you
Starting point is 00:47:38 see with your tongue? I'm tasting the air around you. Oh, God, don't do that. I can't possibly find me. There was that whole scene before by the well. You have no idea what I've been through. I haven't been here five minutes. There's a hint of ammonia. Yeah, you're probably poisoned if you taste the air
Starting point is 00:47:54 around me. I'm a poisonous snake. Well, okay, you might be immune to poison, man, but... Do you hear that noise? What? Do you hear that noise? This entire time I've been picturing her trying to figure out how to boil water. She is, and she's putting her snake tail in the water and it's getting too hot. She's...
Starting point is 00:48:22 Ew! Thank you. Thank you. You can hear our muffled voices from behind the rumbling wall, which is I assume what's being signaled here. I think I can hear someone mistaking venomous for poisonous.
Starting point is 00:48:38 We have to get in there quick. What the fucking talk is so fucking good. I'll turn around and I'll like put a big thumbs up to... Oh, shit, like that was me. This is my friend's right. And you tumble down into this open door. And it's a beautiful wooden door.
Starting point is 00:49:03 It has an ornate brass handle on it. There is a small window cut out on it, glass pane window with lacy curtains that match the ones that are on the window at the side of this hole in the ground. And you find yourself in this beautiful little home. It's warm. It's cozy. There is a, there are two couches off to the side in a floral fabric. They look like they're straight out of the 70s. A, the 1770s.
Starting point is 00:49:38 Naturally. Obviously. Colonial period. I thought it was going to be super modern. Oh, Ben Franklin's here. Getting syphilis everywhere. Get out here, Ben Franklin. Oh, look, a console.
Starting point is 00:49:55 You're not in this campaign. And you see as there is a large constrictor snake above a, above a, like, not really a stove, but it's more like an open coal platform with spits on it. And she has precariously placed a pot atop all of this. And the spits are still,
Starting point is 00:50:23 turning, so the pot's kind of moving back and forth. And you watch as she's continuing to stir and burn her tail, occasionally licking the air behind her. How does she pick up the fire hot? Maybe just make noodles, Derek. Danger noodles. And you see that in the very center of this room in front of an open book and a fireplace where all the warmth is emanating from, you see Gideon sitting on the floor as this
Starting point is 00:50:52 A large constrictor snake is encircling him, licking the air around him, as they are very clearly in a heated argument. All right, fellas, luck in practice. Get to murder him. Gideon, step aside. We'll start blasting. Oh, you're in for now.
Starting point is 00:51:08 The boys are here. Last, the boy that played it for you. I've been kidnapped. All right. These two are horrible. Horrible. No, no, hang on, okay? No, no, no, you've got to be nice to me, okay?
Starting point is 00:51:21 There's one wrong. There's one rule you got to pay attention to you. No, I hate you. You're going to let me talk at my own house. You're going to let me talk in my own house. You accuse me a trespassing. That's because he was trespassing. Oh, God, okay.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Grizebel, was he not trespassing? Yeah, he was trespassing, honey. I don't know what to tell you. He broke down offenses. These snakes talk? Guys, we're going to have to kill him. We're going to have to kill him or I'm afraid pretend to enjoy her cooking. And I'd pick between the two.
Starting point is 00:51:50 I don't think we can't do the latter. Doesn't seem like you're in danger, Gideon. I'm being sworn by a fucking snake, man. What the hell do you think danger looks like? You're having a conversation. It's not like I'm going to eat you. I told you I don't eat humans. She's good.
Starting point is 00:52:05 He's reading the newspaper. I mean, it doesn't really end. He's Asian. Excuse me, fella. This is not the newspaper. This is of my sin men. Oh, Jesus. Wow.
Starting point is 00:52:18 In the literature, I guess. Is it not uncommon to have learned constricted snakes in the way wild? So I went out from around these parts. My name's Cremantle-L-Crew. What I do? Oh, it's really nice to meet you. My name's Josh. This is my wife, Grizabella.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Oh. For fuck sake. Why don't you just give him your soul while you're at it, Cremie? Well, I'm just, I mean, if he's a learned snake. Yeah, learning rabbits, learning snakes. You're not going to mortgage. I really, I really like the cut of your jib. Would you like a nice hot glass of tea?
Starting point is 00:52:56 Yeah, sure why not? Grizzabella, can you make the fellas a glass of tea? Oh, Grizzabella. Yeah, Grizzabella, what did you think it was? Here right now, I'm trying to make soup for you because you don't want to eat the human guy I dragged downstairs, so I'm boiling water. I'll go ahead and not put the bullion into the pot, okay?
Starting point is 00:53:15 I'll go ahead and put some leaves in there because you want to drink your nice tea while you're reading your book and being all learning and stuff. Do you like any kind of pasta? Do we have... Grizzabella. You want to make up some of the sauce?
Starting point is 00:53:32 Oh, you call it sauce and not gravy. Thank God. Yeah, we could eat it now. Who the fuck calls it gravy? That's what I'm saying. People call it gravy? Yeah, it's nothing like gravy. Oh, you watch as she slithers over to you
Starting point is 00:53:43 and she takes her tail and she puts it on each side of your face. Oh, honey, you like pasta? I do if it's with sauce. Oh, mom, it's gonna make you the best sauce. Yeah, go ahead and sit down at the table and she claps by slapping herself with her tail. A nice home-cooked meal. It was the last time we had that?
Starting point is 00:54:00 I am quite hungry. Oh, Josh, get the doilies out of the cabinet. Go ahead and set the table for the boys. Do you all have a last name? Snake. Oh. It's a pleasure to meet you, Josh Snake. I thought your name was Joss, but I hear the H now.
Starting point is 00:54:19 My name is Morning Frost. This legally distinct creature here is Rico. He'll be transformed into an adult man goblin soon enough. And I assume you've already been introduced to Gideon. He was dragged down here. We thought he was in danger because of the dragitude of your wife. I mean, to be fair, he was trespassing. But I'm going to be honest with you, and I think Grizabella is going to agree.
Starting point is 00:54:47 he's a spitfire and he reminds me of my son oh well there weren't any sons my son that's been a lot of this sorry
Starting point is 00:55:03 sorry about his son I'm just gonna look at your library of books here my son so sorry for your loss oh he's not dead oh he's not dead is he just gone
Starting point is 00:55:16 or what Just just just he went into the theater He went into the theater He went into the theater He went into the theater Oh, what uh what college I mean was it good or was it like here I'm sorry what
Starting point is 00:55:37 What like what school was he gonna go to You know like a good one Yeah Oh okay It's an Ivy League Snivey League He'd mean that literally Pokemon fans
Starting point is 00:55:53 Yeah it was on it was on A league covered in Ivy Yeah that's what I thought And he went into acting you say He went into the theater Is there a theater around here? Oh no No there isn't
Starting point is 00:56:07 It's in Yon He's not He snuck his way out He made his way to downfall College and Yon And there was his down I mean, is he okay? Is he just living his dreams?
Starting point is 00:56:21 I haven't heard from him since. No invitations to see his place. Nothing. Well, you know what? We'll be out that way, presumably at some point, so we can check up on him if we happen to swim by the theater. How does that sound? He could have done so much. There's nothing wrong with being an actor.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Uh-uh. I mean, maybe he loves it. All I wanted was for my son to go. son to go into the ye old garden of slanty tower business. Who's not so much to ask to pass down the family business of garden, ye old slanty tower? Is there a lot of work for gardener of ye old slanty towers? Are there a lot of slanty towers that need gardening? This is the only one.
Starting point is 00:57:09 And now I have no progeny. Oh, with my footstep. You wanted them to take over the family business. I see. I see. Well, you know, I'm sure that there's plenty of good faith folk around here that can, you know, lend your hand. And maybe you can teach them a thing or two before you pass and pass it to them. I'm not sure what your business.
Starting point is 00:57:30 You rolled a 10 by accident. Oh. Well, when you roll a 10 by accident, we're going to go ahead and get some garlic bread cooking. Come on, Brigh. Oh, go. Oh, good at you. Oh, good. Oh, Grisabella is able to make a delicious.
Starting point is 00:57:46 a delicious spaghetti and meatball dinner, garlic bread and the like, and it is delicious. It is one of the best things you've ever eaten in your entire life. As dinner, watching her pour the pasta into the colander is a nightmare of burning body. It's watching Edward Pinas Hands eat faster.
Starting point is 00:58:08 She's reaching in with her tail. She has a sock pot holder. She's fine. No, I'm talking about her serving it because, oh, me, you know, she wrapped her tail around a spoon. Oh, yeah. And whatever. Pasta for it.
Starting point is 00:58:22 As it's being served and I'm going to like pouring drinks or whatever, are they asking what I would I like? No, they're just providing you with a really delicious rose and sweet P.T. So as... I love sweet P.T. Once you break the seal. So, I want you have to run here. I think you're thinking of actual peas. Sweet pea is a flower.
Starting point is 00:58:49 I know. I don't think he was thinking of it. No, I don't think that was the confusion. We take a break. Hold on. It's a snake. Before we take a break, I'll step forward. Sorry about that.
Starting point is 00:59:11 You know, doing all of that burrowing as a land shark is, really thirsty work. But look what came ashore. It's Landshark premium quality lager. I'm going to read for the beach and grab this logger. Born in Margaritaville, island-styled is a complex
Starting point is 00:59:28 blend of hops and two-row caramel malt with a light, refreshing taste of a hinty malty sweetness. It's five o'clock somewhere. Please sponsor a Jimmy Buffett. Please. Please.
Starting point is 00:59:44 What is fucking is happening? We're gonna take a five-minute break. Frost will really quickly turn to it. The spaghetti is delicious. Let me guess that the theater school that your son is going to is the TISS School of the Arts. It's not even a school. I tried. Fucking let's take a break.
Starting point is 01:00:01 That one's a great joke. I don't get it. Oh, that's NYU's theater of the like arts school for theater. It's called Tish School of the Arts, but I called Tis because it's snakes and it's funny. How the fuck are it? It's anyone's supposed to know that. It's one of those funny jokes that only smart people. He made a lot of bad.
Starting point is 01:00:19 He couldn't get into T. She's going to Tulane University. Tufane. Oh, Tufan? These meatballs are delicious. The Tiss School of the Arts, is that the name of the school where your son ended up going? My son isn't going to an art school. If he had decided he wanted to go to a school, I would have been fine with it.
Starting point is 01:00:46 But he traveled on into Yon, without even talking to us first. He thought we wouldn't approve of his life choices. And to be fair, I don't. However, I would much rather be his father and see his plays than be cut out of his life completely. My son! Have you considered journeying to Yon and buying a lot? Well, you think you could just journey into yon? We've only been here for perhaps two and a half hours.
Starting point is 01:01:17 Oh, well, you got a lot to learn, son. It's been more than five minutes. When Zabilna was in power, you see. You could travel all over, Prisman. You could go straight up to the Palace of Hearts desire if you wanted to. But not anymore. Not now that the hourglass coven has taken over and splintered this place into three separate realms. Oh, three.
Starting point is 01:01:40 That's very important. hither, thither, and yawn. And once you're in one, you can't get out of it. I assume it's Y-O-N, not like... Yeah, it's Y-O-N. You were a learned man. I appreciate that about you. Well, I see that you have a give him out of the cookie on the shelf there.
Starting point is 01:01:56 You must also be... I used to read that to my son when he was little. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't always pick up on the clues. No, come. You know, that reminds me, isn't Grico's daughter, like, trapped helplessly in a balloon, not 100 feet from the other than a balloon? Yeah. That's actually an important way.
Starting point is 01:02:23 That's why I was trying to get up there this whole time, and everyone was like, no, let's just stop and eat some delicious spaghetti. Here we all eating spaghetti dinner. Hey, Dr. Mr. Snake. Isabella, can I get another rebut for my sorrows? Dricking P.T. down there. I mean, eating spaghetti. Mr. Snake, I apologize for hurting your feelings. Right.
Starting point is 01:02:42 We're in a very similar situation. Brody, may you rest in peace. We're looking for an owl bear that is very much the daughter of our Landshark friend here. Trapped in hot air balloon that I believe is. Wait, I'm going to need to rewind that back
Starting point is 01:02:58 like four or five steps. You're trying to tell me that an owl bear is a daughter of a land shark? Yes. This land shark. Or furrowing horror, as Reaper Bones calls it. What kind of noises is the tweet you make it at my table?
Starting point is 01:03:17 Well, he's transformed. When he's not transformed, he looks like an adult man. The spirit will fade. I'm assuming we're getting a long rest. Or short rest. It's reading spaghetti. Yes, you're getting a short rest. And I'll get my wild shapes back.
Starting point is 01:03:33 Oh, hello. Lovely pasta. I'm sorry, I bit through several of your folks. And smiths several of your folks. plates. That's all right. Also splintered one of the legs of your table and got dirt everywhere. But yeah, my daughter is injured in a balloon and we heard that you were nasty and now that we know that that's not true, we were wondering.
Starting point is 01:03:57 Well, it's none of our business what you do behind closed doors. No, there's no doors down here. They do it right out in the open. Yeah, they just wringled. It's just an open room. It's just one room. It's like a studio. apartment. It's none of my business what you do underground.
Starting point is 01:04:17 You know, with all of these giant brambles, I mean, if there were some quill balls, it would be much nasty. Let me just tell you. But would you be willing to help my daughter and a charming, sounding, summer queen representative in the balloon what has crashed into the slanty tower
Starting point is 01:04:36 that looks like a tower that is slanted? I've learned. What kind of help are you looking for? Well, if you're the gardener of this place, maybe you could just, like, get the brambles out of the way so we can get up in the tower and help them out? I think something like that could be arranged. Oh, thank you so much.
Starting point is 01:04:55 And then we finish our spaghetti. No, right now, please. If it's not as terrible. As long as Gideon apologizes to my wife for some of the horrible things he said to are upon our first meeting. Oh, my. Grizzabella, come here, honey. He's getting ready to apologize.
Starting point is 01:05:09 Goodyhan. Well, how about, uh, uh, do it for Hoochie? I mean, guys, I can move the brambles myself. Do it for Hootzy. Well, no, but like, what if you're breaking him? And he has him range in a certain way that if he could just move him on his own, then we're a little more respectful. Perhaps he has bramble crafting magics.
Starting point is 01:05:24 That's what they're saying. What? Do it for Hootzy. Fine, I'll do it for Hootzie. Okay? For Hootzy. For Hootzy? Um, Mrs. Snake?
Starting point is 01:05:37 Um, yeah, my name is Grisabella. Rizabella Rizabella S Snake Your middle name is S Snake Your name is
Starting point is 01:05:49 Grizzabella Snake Snake Or Mrs. Josh Snake Snake Mrs. Josh Snake Esquire Attorney of Laws of Prismair
Starting point is 01:06:03 Esquire Esquire Oh man Well I'm kidding. I'm really sorry that when he kidnapped me and choked me out and crushed all my bones to get me through an opening that only my small friend here could have fit through.
Starting point is 01:06:23 In the wake of that, you know, I may have said some hurtful things as I was, you know, like kind of uncovering from being paranoid and being crushed by a giant snake. And, well, you know, your spaghetti's... I accept your apology, son. Oh, well, cool. great. That is very nice of you. Yeah, well, you know, that's me in a nutshell, so very nice. I can see there's a tender heart behind that. Okay, let's not get that. That stern
Starting point is 01:06:49 Oh, that's what I was saying. That's why I was always, I'm telling him to reconcile with his Paul. Okay, can we go up and get your daughter right now, please? Yes, please. We're not to explore any like to know. What's what I've been saying in my Landshock burrowing horror form that whole time? I think that deep inside of you, there's just a man that's yearning for love. It's just more, you know, drunkenness and cigars. You have a fear of, you have a fear of commitment.
Starting point is 01:07:19 No, I don't have any problem committing. He does. Crimes, you know. He does has a fear of commitment. I can see that. Committed, you know, bribery and thievery. You always need to have a means of escape.
Starting point is 01:07:34 That's like rule one whenever you're doing anything criminal like. Have a means of escape. Falling in love isn't criminal son. And she walks over and she pats you on the back with her head. Okay. It's going to be all right. Ah, ah, ah, ah, okay.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Let's get the fuck out of here. I'm going right now. I'll take my head shift out of my shirt. All right. I'll come with you. Fold it up. Thank you. I'll help you out.
Starting point is 01:08:07 Can I have an extra garlic bread to go? Mrs. Snake? Oh, let me back you up a little bit of food. Oh, can we for some more garlic? You're back? It'll only take a minute. I know there's a shadowy cult doing horrible rituals in the next room. So I know.
Starting point is 01:08:23 How did you know about it? Well, listen to the music. Yeah. And there are no cause. I mean, they're just right over there. Oh. Let me go ahead and pack you up some satchels of spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread.
Starting point is 01:08:47 And maybe any old human bones you got lying around? I know. I know. The hell, man. Sure. I know that you've only been in Prismia for a couple of hours. So you need to know that eating is tantamount to survival here. Wow.
Starting point is 01:09:05 Dehydration and starvation can happen much more quickly than you expect. So make sure you're constantly on the lookout for food, okay? This is the first time we've had a campaign about that. I know. This is the survival horror campaign. Have you played? Have you heard about the mighty trunks? And also you will be witness and things that I have done.
Starting point is 01:09:30 I mean, just some guy has done over everything else. Did you know that Nikki, me, is DM in this campaign? I thought it was Angela. What are the weather rules of it? of Prismere. Do we have them? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to take this opportunity because it's been exactly five years.
Starting point is 01:09:51 Oh, is somebody touching my spigate? Oh, it's me. I'll touch my spigate. Oh, hey, speaking of quicker than you thought, it's legit, I'm going somewhere. Do you have any way to deal with all these pipes and wells
Starting point is 01:10:09 gushing out, you know, swampy water that drives us fucking crazy I personally don't have a way to fix it for you son but I do know I call me son
Starting point is 01:10:23 I'm so confused by these guys I didn't call you an old man that was a sidebar to crime okay I was whispering you couldn't possibly heard this is a studio upon and I get you never anything you're saying here
Starting point is 01:10:34 the car come in here damn it I couldn't hear them over the ritual sacrum I couldn't hear them over the ritual second street is like five thousand grand for a studio apartment.
Starting point is 01:10:45 We're doing the best we can. I mean, just ask Josh how much money he makes being the caretaker for a slanty tower. It's not much. Anywho. I once saw a raft. Just floating along. So if you could find something like that, then maybe you would be all right and you could reverse it.
Starting point is 01:11:10 But you're going to have to look for it. I can't be too hard. Well, you know, it will be real hard. So I think those are the options. Well, I think regardless, we appreciate the garlic bed, but let's go get Hoochie, who's injured, and in distress. We wait for 83 minutes while she's just like. You need any help?
Starting point is 01:11:48 My beans, I spilled them. And it takes about 10 minutes for her to pack up Little lunch sacks for each of you She's written your name on them Like a mother's want to do To make sure that you don't To make sure that you don't confuse each other's Gideon when you're given yours
Starting point is 01:12:10 You see that she's given you an extra helping And she pats you on the back with her tail Extra food for a growing boy Oh well thank you This is you know okay you guys are so bad and you know if you find yourself in trouble and near the slanty tower you can always come home to mom and dad
Starting point is 01:12:31 brodie brodie brodie snake snake no it's brodie oh it's brodie snake i had to look up like shitty names sorry he's going to apologize to all of my I assume his name would be Purvis. Because you went into theater? We just lost three patrons named Brod.
Starting point is 01:12:59 Brody's not really interesting. Okay, we will find, we'll let Brody now, when we see him at the theater. We'll, after we kill a few hags, you know. Oh, Brody, mama misses you, Brody. Ah, yeah. You know who are Miss Marjorie, who I've insisted. seen in a long time.
Starting point is 01:13:20 All right, all right. I won't hold you back any longer. Josh. Josh Snake, Snake. You go ahead and you help these young boys. Wait a second. His middle name is Snake, too? What the hell?
Starting point is 01:13:31 Who names you guys around? You don't know snake naming conventions get in. Oh, you think it's Briseabella, Snake, Snake, and Josh, Snake, snake? Perhaps you take the middle name when you marry. That's really good. It's pretty good. Well, thank you, Josh. You know, appreciate the garlic bread and the conversation.
Starting point is 01:13:58 All right, let's get this done. And you see that Josh is now wearing a leather harness with tools attached to it. I don't know. Nobody can hear us down there. The next room. Nobody can hear that a scream. In pleasure. What's all this wax?
Starting point is 01:14:37 Where did they get aluminum foil? Why did she chop garlic? There's a steel drum of aluminum in here. Oh, 55. I got the bag. Thanks for the leftovers. Just mentioned that a snake is wearing a belt and we're fucking off.
Starting point is 01:15:21 It's literally anything. It's never the things I think it's going to be. It's always the things I accidentally say. This is legit. I'll just say that he has a strap on. He just straps on his leather vest. It's a leather tether. Anyway.
Starting point is 01:15:41 He's got a, with tools attached to it, where clearly this is what he wears when he is tending to the slanty tower. And he makes his way up, fucking mace. He makes his way up the slope outside of their house. And you all follow along. And as he gets outside, he sees the work that you have done, Grico, and he nods in approval.
Starting point is 01:16:07 Oh, thank you. As he makes his way through the tunnel and out towards the front of Slanty Tower. And he begins to take a hammer and a chisel with his hand and his tail, and he begins to chisel away. Very nicely, some of these brambles. I can't have snakes. I can't have snakes.
Starting point is 01:16:26 What is he doing? Any creature that you have that doesn't have arms, I immediately go to Willie the Word. Oh, you're a hungry girl. He clears away the brambles, and he looks at you expectantly. Oh, do you all use currency? Looking for a tip, or? Well, you know, the rule of reciprocity.
Starting point is 01:17:00 I did a favor for you, and now you do a favor for me and my wife. I thought we was going to go tell your son your message. That was the favor, right? Oh, yeah. You're going to send a message to Brody's Snake, Snake? Well, we'll deliver it in person when we get there. When we get to the theater and we find Brody's Snake Snake, his middle name's snake's name.
Starting point is 01:17:18 How do you explain that one, Frosty? He didn't marry anybody. He's far of the family. He's their child, breath. He's just, he inherit the middle name. You inherit the middle name until you marry and do it. Oh my God, imagine how many, you know,
Starting point is 01:17:33 parent, parent parents were gonna run into it. Well, anyway, Josh, we can't wait to meet Brody. Can you please send him this message? Yes. My mom and part isn't very much. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:17:47 Okay. And that we love him no matter whether he wants to tend to a slanty tower or whether he wants to be part of the theater. He's still my son. Okay. And we just want to come see his show he's in. Okay. And support him. And we hope that he'll come home for Yulmas.
Starting point is 01:18:07 And so we can give him his presents from last year. Okay. I can only write so fast. We got him socks. Well, suck. Okay. We had him stuck. You can only wear one, but he needed a spare.
Starting point is 01:18:22 Okay. It's real cold in the theater. I think I can hear your wife stitching at something else. That's remarkable. Okay. And that's, if you could give him that message for us, that would be. Oh, hey, how do you get to yawn, by the way, if you can't travel between the rounds or whatever? Well, goodbye.
Starting point is 01:18:42 Thank you for all of your help. I'm sure you're like car for a stock tickets or, oh, okay. No, no, just a message. Just the message, folks. Now it's a favor for a favor. Hi, everybody. Gary Goodberry here. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon.
Starting point is 01:19:01 Become a patron today at patreon. At patreon.com slash Legends of Adventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including monthly movie nights and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked mood.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, the crooked mood, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition.
Starting point is 01:19:28 And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thanks. Bye. Our standing here, Josh has made his way back into the snake hovel. Snake Snake and Isabella Snake Snake Snake
Starting point is 01:19:53 and Brody Snake Snake Snake and Brody Snake Snake Oh, too That's Canada new You are now standing at the base of Slanty Tower And it has been cleared away The old wooden door
Starting point is 01:20:08 That leads into this place is hanging on its hinges where it had been partially ripped off by the forceful growth of these brambles That sounds really burdened. They just erupted. They burst forth.
Starting point is 01:20:23 I'm just riveted. The door from its hinges, and it hangs there limply. Throbbing? The door is through helping. Hootie! Hey, is the owlbear okay? Sir doof and smurts? What was your name?
Starting point is 01:20:46 Telvar, Calaver. Talaver! Gia, go ahead and bust this door to him. Other the door was already, buzzing there. Hanging off its end? And as you look inside, you see that this entire tower is lined with moss. There are other plants that are growing between the stones. Bits of the stairway have fallen clean from the stairwell itself.
Starting point is 01:21:07 But it is a full stone structure with a wooden peach roof. And it does lean to the left. And you are able to make your way up. God, jean! It's got a little girder. It's got these two big stones, almost mobs, this slanted tower curving to the left.
Starting point is 01:21:26 The boss surrounds the base, and a rough thing out of it. And right at the top, you know, this head of a, the hot air balloon. Solid is fucking stone. Oh, yeah. 45 degrees. It's leaking with whale oil.
Starting point is 01:21:41 Rock hard. Rock hard. They actually just collected The loom they put in our lunchboxes from the tower. Why you need all 55 gallons? She's not of everything. You know, I've found they just prove a lot of what Freud said. But now I'm not so sure.
Starting point is 01:21:59 Let's go. You're not fucking bitch. All right. Aye. We're logging up the town. Hey, everybody's saying. We're pop is close. To make dexterity saving throws.
Starting point is 01:22:12 Oh. Oh. Oh. It's not. This is where we die. This is where we die. I'm gonna keep it. You know what?
Starting point is 01:22:25 Yeah, I'm gonna keep it. It's not great, but it's not terrible. You know? It's okay. After a more refreshing land shock logger. And your spaghetti dinner. My spaghetti dinner, like meatballs. I'm going, bread.
Starting point is 01:22:39 While your daughter hangs by a threat for a life. It's very wild. I don't really... Spaghetti dinner and meatballs casually with Mr. Mrs. Smey's thing. Some Sunday sauce. Some Sunday sauce. 90 minutes ago, we started off and we were like, hey, Houthi's 30 feet that way.
Starting point is 01:22:58 The equivalent of Sunday sauce. It's the 13th day of the month. 11. 11. 14. 24. Michael? Uh, 14.
Starting point is 01:23:19 14. Okay, you all pass. As you make your way up the mossy steps, Kremi at one point you feel your footing give way as you step on an extremely wet patch of moss, but you are able to grab onto the side of the slanty tower and keep your footing. Gideon, you're behind him and you helped to ready him.
Starting point is 01:23:47 There are no railing. I got you, buddy. I got you, okay? Thanks, dude. I think you should get rid of the moss. Don't you think the tower would look bigger? We know a god man. He's just got a turtling about it when we get you from here.
Starting point is 01:24:11 This session is sponsored by Manscape. Derek? He's pretty good at Sherman Bush. You know the worst part of that is that I looked at you. for a promotion of someone who helped for me. Yeah. I know, I'm sorry. Long live the king.
Starting point is 01:24:45 I'm sorry. Brother, scoff! Oh, D-20, dear. For that, Dratron, scoff. Give me some hot 18 action. I've deserved it. That's got a idea! You become a proud nudist.
Starting point is 01:25:08 You know, this tower is making me think. Hour is really pretty. Not your shoes, Frost. No. Does you stay on? That's fucking hot. Yeah, turn it across. Well, actually, there's nothing sexual about it.
Starting point is 01:25:39 You'll join me in the retreat. That's right. That's right. As you, as you, I'm taking up the back, let's say. And they don't notice. No, you're in the front. Oh, I'm in the front. Then you guys would see as I'm pulling my clothes off. Frosty, Frosty, what the hell, man?
Starting point is 01:25:53 What are you doing? It's very important. It's important a strip fucking naked Right before we see his daughter? We're in Prismere. You don't know the rules here. I don't know the rules of fucking decency When you need help, but here?
Starting point is 01:26:05 I'm putting in my backpack, I'm just going to keep my shoes on in my backpack. Everything else is fine. Oh, okay. Well, that's fine. Yeah, okay. I'm misunderstood. I thought you could get rid of the backpack. Firstly, from all the time we've traveled together, you've never done this.
Starting point is 01:26:21 You always like, oh, it's important to keep your clothes on. I've been with you all. long enough that I think it's time I reveal my true self. Who wanted you say so? We could have been a lot more comfortable. Well, it now just seemed like the natural time here. I don't want to- Why this time?
Starting point is 01:26:38 Why now? Can we go and rescue Hootie and I turn back immediately to the stairs? What's going on? No, you know. Oh, that was fucking funny. Not that. Maybe. Maybe you hang back a little bit.
Starting point is 01:27:11 How about that? How about that? This is who I am, Gregel. It's important that Sir Talavar and Hootzey's even for that. No, no, no. I feel like she will be confused. You know how like when a child sees a parent that had a beard and then he shaves, the dad has shaved, and then it's in the child freaks to fuck out?
Starting point is 01:27:28 Okay. Yeah, I feel like Hootsie associates me with being clothed because it's hygienic. Okay. And then if she sees that, she'll be freaked out, especially if she's injured. So why don't you just stay in the tower while, we, the three of us, you know, where we,
Starting point is 01:27:44 do we handle it, you know? That seems logical, actually. Please, uh, tell her of this news, and I will, uh, wait. I won't. Tell her what news?
Starting point is 01:27:53 You want us to tell her that you make it over here? That I'm now a proud nudist. I'm not going to do that, Frosty. You'll, you'll be... No, I'm just going to solve the problems and get on with this fucking house. I touch Frost. And, uh,
Starting point is 01:28:06 the different, those sort of shadows that are kind of around room near. us, they sort of slither up and they sort of cover you and you kind of fade into invisibility. Look, all better. The best of both worlds. People can see through me who I really am.
Starting point is 01:28:22 Thank you. So I'm like, I'll be like, yeah, okay, Frosty, you know, we gotta stop. We gotta get going here. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you, coming. That's very funny.
Starting point is 01:28:35 That's very funny. Okay. All right, now we can go. We have an hour. Let's fucking go. Okay. Oh, hold on a minute. How many spiders did we win?
Starting point is 01:28:45 At the fair. Oh, the Sparta toy. Yeah. Oh. All right. I got maybe two of them. I got two of them. I don't think I don't win any.
Starting point is 01:28:56 I got this armorrhage. You know, at the carnival. It looks like a spider. He was just like spider climb. Yeah. Climb like a spider. Did I do that? Did I do that?
Starting point is 01:29:04 That was the one that smells like piss. Oh, you didn't do that. You didn't wear any fans. No, we got everything you got was like eating candy out of the horn. And I can disguise self with the... Yeah, no, I have two giant fluffy spiders.
Starting point is 01:29:19 I got two as well. One is in a very cute sun hat I got for hootsy specifically. Oh, pixie dust, which makes me fly. Yeah. Oh, no, just hot. Oh, no, flying speed. Oh.
Starting point is 01:29:28 I got the one with the pink ribbon on the top. Oh, yeah, I got one with a nice sun hat. Oh, that's the best one. Yeah, that's my favorite of giant sunbattsies. What activity did we get awarded the fighters? from? You were missing for them. Yeah, I don't remember
Starting point is 01:29:43 either. Is that something that you... Actually, not against your leg. It's the side of Greg. It's sick. It's so invisible. It's so invisible. It's hard for me to tell exactly where I am. I can triangle him. I swear, it was my tail, I swear, I swear.
Starting point is 01:30:03 I swear. Oh, what a nightmare. Okay, well, okay, I'm going to use my... I'm going to use one of the spiders for me so I can walk up. I'm going to save the one with the sun, the hat. I've got the crown one for me and the sun hat.
Starting point is 01:30:26 As a DM, can I ask why you're using these spiders right now? So we can... You're walking upstairs to get to the top. Oh, I think we're in the tower. You all already passed the decks chelts. We did a deck save for the missing stairs. Oh, okay. I believe there'd be more.
Starting point is 01:30:40 Yeah, and so like, I could let you just waste these because it'd be funny, but you don't need to use this. Oh, nevermore. Aren't he's cute? Let's go. Frosty, don't be a pest. Let's go. Don't be better.
Starting point is 01:30:54 You all continue to make your way up the stairs. And at the slanted angle, it can be a bit difficult at some points. As the stairs do not climb vertically. And you, there are some areas. where you have to get on your hands and knees and crawl up these stairs. But you are able to make it. It takes a little bit of time before you find yourselves at the very top looking at a similar door to the one that you faced at the bottom of the tower.
Starting point is 01:31:24 However, this one has not been wrenched off of its hinges. It is very clearly rusted shept. Over many, many years of disuse, the snakes clearly don't climb up this high on the tower. It leads out to a parapet. where you remember seeing the hot air balloon had crashed into and was dangling there. But your worst enemy, everyone's worst enemy. A door stands in your way.
Starting point is 01:31:54 Idiin, I need to get something out of my pack. One moment. Hold this. What? No, no, no. What am I hold? It's my crowbar from my backpack. Okay.
Starting point is 01:32:07 It'll be best utilized in your hands. I think. So you can't see anything because everything he's holding is also invisible. When he holds the hands of Crobartime is invisible? Just hold your hands out. It becomes visible when you take it from him, but you won't be able to see it. I'll just put it in your hands like so. You feel it.
Starting point is 01:32:25 You feel a long, cold rod, a hefty weight drop into your hand. Oh, thank God. I was worried to be warm. Okay. You gave you advantage on your check to open the door. Oh, nice. Okay. Well, I would like to use this crowbar and punch the fucking door straight open. So wait, you're going to use the crowbar? You're going to punch the door.
Starting point is 01:32:47 I'm just going to hold the crowbar and then push the fucking open. That's ID and D-N-D-Ware. I love that. Yeah, great. Yeah. Okay, roll to attack the door. Gion. So funny with the Gion.
Starting point is 01:33:09 Gion. Gion. Oh, wait. Am I an advantage, for real, if I have a girl bar? If you use the crowbar, just holding it doesn't do a magical advantage. You can turn the chains on. It's a short wrist, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:33 Oh, I could beat my... Hold on. Someone in chat knows that neon genesis is Evangidian. Nice. That's so good. Even giddy is a fan of it. Oh, bye, that was bad. That doesn't help me land a hit, so.
Starting point is 01:33:59 That didn't help in the slightest. Wait, it doesn't help? No, it doesn't help land a hit. It's like a bunch of stuff if I actually hit. Oh, I thought it was like a strength check. I think it was a test. Yeah, I think I'm just rolling to attack. Yeah, because you said you want to punch the door open.
Starting point is 01:34:11 Yeah, I want to push the fucking door open. It's not moving. We've got AC zero? No. Fuck. What did you get? Ten. Oh, well, 10 hits the door.
Starting point is 01:34:20 Hey. Barely, it's AC was 10. Hey, thanks for this crowbar, man. This really is. And do how many points of damage? No, all right. Oh, actually, do I... Whistle, whistle.
Starting point is 01:34:40 That's only if I... Oh. It's only if I go. Supernova. Oh, my. I love how Chad's, like, not combat, though. It's the closest to I'm every... Yeah, Jack.
Starting point is 01:34:54 Yep. I've already been told. I mean, I thought you were going to fight the snakes. The height of tactical action. You can't name Josh and Griselda. Grizabella. Grizabella. And expect us to kill them.
Starting point is 01:35:08 You didn't know what their names work for a while, all right? I shot one with another, but I did nine damage to one of them. Yeah, Grizzabella. And they just forgot all about it. Yeah, he's a trustworthy book. She liked it. There's a condom in your lunch point, too. That's what that is.
Starting point is 01:35:24 It's a used card. It's an ally ass on the front. Oh. There's something inside of it. Is this Frost? 14, 14, I believe. 14 points of damage? I believe so.
Starting point is 01:35:39 Okay. You take the crowbar in one hand, and you nod and thank Frost wherever he may be, but you drop it to your side. Still holding onto it as you raise your fist and you punch, directly through the door. And you
Starting point is 01:35:56 punch through where the handle and the iron plate that closed, that locks the door is housed, completely blowing it off of the door. And with that, you hear a groan and a creek as the rust breaks free on the hinges
Starting point is 01:36:12 and the door with the force of the wind swings open towards you. We call that engineering. And then I would like you roll a detour. Well done, good. Oh, nice. See, that's finking with science.
Starting point is 01:36:30 You're always a science man. Oh, well, I don't know. It has to be the intended rule. All right. Well, it's harder not. It just fall out of my hand. Dinner roll. So it's not an eight? No, you drop.
Starting point is 01:36:42 No, it's 15. It's a 15. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the Pee and one. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. You immediately drop dead. Can you please roll.
Starting point is 01:36:52 That's a minute. That's a 151. with the crowbar you're supposed to, oh. Oh my dad, him! Well, his heart snobped. It's the big one. I mean, did you see how much cakey ate? You know, I always suspected that Gideon was on gear,
Starting point is 01:37:11 but oh. I warned him about that. I should have told him. Oh, Gideon. That's probably the size of a watermelon. Oh, no. Oh, Kimmy-in. Oh, I should have told him to stop juicing.
Starting point is 01:37:26 I thought he was all-n-m-law. Hey, hey, I'm all-natural. Oh, that's what he said. He wasn't glad he was all natty. Oh, he wasn't natty. All of those gains, oh, they weren't natty gains. Well, he would always tell me if on Trestosterone replacement therapy is not really, gee.
Starting point is 01:37:46 But it turned to blood in the sludge. Oh, he was so young. He was not supposed to inhale the cigar, but he wouldn't listen. You say it invisibly naked. Oh, yeah, yeah. I have it all set up here, by the way. I'm just above his dead body. Oh, no, Gidebaki can't have.
Starting point is 01:38:12 Oh, no, Gideon, it's going to be okay. It's fine, Gary. It's going to be all right. It's all right. He's got him here. Oh, my goodness. 89. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 01:38:34 You are, fuck, that's a high number. It's going to be something outrageous. You are reincarnated as a Triton. Oh. You watch as Gideon, you watch as Gideon's, the color begins to fade from him. And in death, just as you would expect, he begins to turn blue as the oxygen leaves his body. His skin goes from that, changes from that beautiful, orangey red to a very pale blue, and then a deeper blue and deeper blue. And then you notice that where his flaming hair had been, his hair has now turned into beautiful locks of seaweed.
Starting point is 01:39:21 Between his fingers, they're now webbed. Slits appear on the side of his neck, gills. As Gideon, you wake alive as you spill water from your mouth. You are born again, a Triton. Gideon, are you all right? You alive? Is that you again? Why, it tastes like salt and, you know, frosty's balls.
Starting point is 01:39:56 So just salt again. Oh my God, your name is Gillian. Oh, yeah. Nice. Why? Why don't it tastes like salt twice. Chad, if you can figure out the equivalent of C. Cole, I'm trying to figure out his last name.
Starting point is 01:40:15 Look at yourself. Oh, fuck. Gillian Coral. That's pretty much. That's right. All right, all right. What the fuck is good? Am I?
Starting point is 01:40:27 Look at yourself, Gid and I'll flip my compact mirror. Am I blue? I would say you're a little more buff too. What? Oh, even more buff. What the? Working out in water does a lot of their muscles.
Starting point is 01:40:40 That water resistance training. Good, you're some kind of fish guy. Oh, God. What happened with him and the gnome and him with the... Yeah, how did it feel, get in to slough off your modal coil? Oh, God, I punched that door and I think it hit me back. I mean, what the... What did it do to me afterwards?
Starting point is 01:41:05 Nothing. We just stood here, not moving up and down at all. I was in despair. And so was I. I was in despair. We thought it was all of your, all of the gear that you was on that turned your heart into the size of a watermelon.
Starting point is 01:41:20 And then you hear, can you please keep it down? Oh, who take a nap over here? Okay, why don't you stay inside it all so confused. Okay, it's just me and crummy now. It's just me and crummy now. Hey, hey, real quick. Does anybody have some ancient estuary?
Starting point is 01:41:36 What is that? I don't check my dad. I don't know, but I have this fierce craving for it. Oh, ancient estuary. Remiland. It's a nice sauce. It goes great on everything. It really does.
Starting point is 01:41:45 Anyway, I don't know if I have any left, yet, and I'm sorry to say. What, you have some? Well, I had some, but, I mean, it's been a long time since I stocked up, and we wouldn't in Agway that long where I could really buy more. Unfortunately. I don't have any either. I only have gotten up. Fuck.
Starting point is 01:42:00 Okay. Why don't you stay out here? Okay. Hey, hello, Hootsey, Hootsey is there. And also if there's someone else in distress, hello. Even though Grico told you to stay back, you don't. And all four of you make your way out onto the parapet. I grab your hand.
Starting point is 01:42:17 And you are met with a surprise. The basket of the hot air balloon is tipped over on this parapet and inside of it you see Hootzey. curled up next to a cage, not inside of it, but next to it. Her paw is reached into it. It's clearly bandaged. And it's what's inside of this cage that shocks you. A dapper yet tiny purple fairy dragon with a sword attached to his hilt,
Starting point is 01:42:53 leathered gloves upon his hands, a doublet, and a beautiful brooch emblazoned with the symbol of the summer queen is trapped inside of this cage. A dapper mustache extends from his, from his face, and his large bushy eyebrows are arched as he sees you and wipes the sweat from his, or the sleep from his brow. You see that one of his hands is placed at top hootsies. And it's very clear that that sleeve on the left hand,
Starting point is 01:43:28 he's ripped fabric from and used it to bandage whatever wound. had been on Hootsie's paw, and she seems content and happy next to him as this fairy dragon, Sir Talavar, rises to his feet roughly the same height as Grico and calls out, well, that took you too long, much too long, but you're here to help Sir Talavar escape from his confines and return to his queen, Titania of the summer court. Yeah, yes. Oh. That's what he had to do.
Starting point is 01:44:02 It's okay, Hoosy, Hoosy! I'm just scrambling git, and I'm like resist the urge to smack away his hand. He's no longer touching her because he's so. Hoosie, Hootie, are you okay? It's me, Papa, see. I'm sorry. Hootzie rolls over and scoots towards the edge of the basket. She looks at you, scared and unsure, but she sniffs.
Starting point is 01:44:23 She sniffs. She sniffs, and she can smell the scent of her Papa. and she knows immediately that is you. She quickly rises to her feet and she puts the weight down on her paw. She whimpers and reels back, but she nonetheless leaps onto you and begins to just nuzzle into you
Starting point is 01:44:46 and packet your hair. Oh, who see? Yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the scary sow pig and a gross frog thing and that other scary thing. I can't remember what it was.
Starting point is 01:44:57 to you. I'm sorry that I forgot all about you. I'm sorry that you want the witchlight monarch. I always hate your pumpkin dough. Oh, isn't it's so nice? Oh no, you need bananas. You need bananas. Oh, look at this. This green fellow is enjoying the company of
Starting point is 01:45:13 my new Mount Owley. Her name is Hootsie. Well, I've named her Owley and she belongs to me. Waltz is happening while I'm having that moment I take my keen and I just like take the body of the dead body. I guess.
Starting point is 01:45:32 Push him off the edge of the He's not. I guess that's where you do see the dead bullet Really quick. He's very clearly well-dressed and very clearly well dead. Yeah. As you knock him off the side of the tear of the cat.
Starting point is 01:45:51 And he crumbles and glatters. You hear, come on. Um, I, the shock of seeing this, uh, As soon as we crossed the threshold of the door, but as well before even Grico and Uki were able to reunite, I come back to my senses, and having spent two twists, I am invisible, but getting my clothes back on.
Starting point is 01:46:15 Perfect. You can hear Frost putting his clothes back on. It's like, what is that episode, Family Guy, when, like, Peter has a shoebox thing and he's trying to pick up the dead frog. You should have thrown out of the window. Yeah, yeah. He's doing it.
Starting point is 01:46:31 He's doing, he's like, he's like that with this game, and like, it frauds is 10 football. Yeah, I've got my 10 football. Yeah. When do you eat that thing? You don't want to know.
Starting point is 01:46:49 Oh, who'd see? Oh, I saved you some rat snacks. Here you go, red snacks. Oh, we also have your spaghetti dinner. Oh, it's garlic bread, your favorite. Oh, some more bananas. You need to really eat your banana. so you can get all of that potassium.
Starting point is 01:47:04 It's one of the key free electrolytes in an attempt to heal her paw so that it's no longer, I will cast a good berry to get a guaranteed. I'll say you're able to do that and her paws healed. Oh, yes, I miss you so much. And I'm just going to be like, you know,
Starting point is 01:47:23 all in that biz. Ignoring the fairy dragon. Well, as long as you're taking good care of my new Mount Owley, it's fine. How do you end up in that, cage. That's a long story, good fellow. Why don't you go ahead and get me out?
Starting point is 01:47:36 Hey, we're not letting you out. You're just saying that cuties are at Mount. That's not a way to talk to... Her name is Uzi. Well... And she is not owned by anyone, thank you very much. Yeah. She is her own person.
Starting point is 01:47:47 She told me specifically that she was willing to be my new mount. Well, I'll think that you might be hearing horrible voices whispering into your ears, unwilling on your part too. How would be embarrassed though.
Starting point is 01:48:01 Tell is this true? Do my ears deceive me? Did thou lie? And you hear Hootsie begin to chirp and hoot and twiddle or whatever they call that when they do that.
Starting point is 01:48:19 Coo? Coo. And it is very clear that there's some kind of communication that's happening there, but no one seems to understand it except for Sir Talibar. Okay. Okay. Okay. And...
Starting point is 01:48:33 Okay. Okay. Okay. See, she wants you to fuck off. Sorry, Mr. Talibov. Thank you for saving Hootzee. There's nothing we can do. She nips you and you take one, probably... Wait, who? Hootie? Yeah. You take three points of damage as Hootze knits you. Ah! Huxi, what's wrong? And she walks over to Sir Talavar and she uses...
Starting point is 01:48:58 She uses her beak to poke at the cage, and she makes some more noises to him. And he ruffles the feathers on top of her head, and he unsheathes his dagger. And he places it on one shoulder and then the next. You were my mount for just a brief moment. But you are a good mount, and I wish you all the best. You've been knighted in honor of the summer queen. And you can see that tears are streaming down his face as he places his blade back in its sheath. Well, she has informed me that you are her true father.
Starting point is 01:49:41 And now that you are here to reclaim her, that she is no longer capable of being my mouth. But we have created a true bond of friendship. So we've both helped each other in this perilous time. And he reaches for and he touches her face. I will never forget you. Gosh, a teenage sass. And she cooes at him, but then she moves back towards you and sits down next to you and nuzzles into your side.
Starting point is 01:50:08 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were suddenly friends. I'm sorry. My name is Grico. If you're who she's friend, then I can learn to not be so possessive of me, darling. I'll make her own choices and friends, and you seem like a good influence. Well, maybe he saved a life. And if you saved her life, I would like to know how you got here.
Starting point is 01:50:28 I'm sorry, Uchi, I'm sorry, you know. You want me to let him out of this cage? We want to have this conversation while he's in like a lunchbox. No, no, let's let him out quickly, yeah. So Talavar's a friend of Utsi. Exactly right. I'm sorry, Hootie. I didn't mean to demand your friend.
Starting point is 01:50:43 Dame Hootie. Dame Hootie, yes. Did they have the crowbar? Yeah, I was going to ask for it back. I know you used it when I was dead. No, no, no. Oh, you want it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:50:52 No, I mean, you can have it, yeah. I'm going to use it. I'll show you. Well, first of all, I'm invisible, so I can't, really show you. Sorry, Sir Talavar. You're probably wondering who's talking now. I'm going to open the cage if I can. And I'm going to put... I would warn you against using something as simple as a crowbar. Oh.
Starting point is 01:51:17 This cage, this gilded cage I found myself in, was a product of Bavlona Blight Straw. Oh. Bavlora. Bavlona. Bavlona. A simple crowbar will not suffice in wrenching this door free. Do you know if magic can pass through the bars? Well, once I could have healed, beautiful owling.
Starting point is 01:51:47 Dirty. But all I could do was mend her wounds. Oh, thank you for that. This cage has made my men. magic null and void. So it's a anti-magic cage. A key is all that will do. Oh. Well, I don't know. I could probably push that door
Starting point is 01:52:09 right open. You might turn into some sort of earth creature based on the progression of fire into water and so on. I prefer that actually. You know, and just like worst case scenario, if it doesn't open, I mean, a cage is going to fly out into the swamp. We probably drown in a horrible well. Let's get the cage on to the out of the basket and, you know, to the platform. By the way, that's Uncle Gide. I know he looks a bit fishy,
Starting point is 01:52:31 and he smells a bit like low tide more than usual. Is that true? I smell like, what the hell is a little tired? I don't want you to be self-conscious, but you do kind of stink. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:52:44 But it's Uncle, it's Uncle Gideon. Yeah, you know, it's just him. Don't be afraid. It's okay. Wait a way to be, Gideon, doesn't all of your, like, your machines, aren't they powered by like the fact of your fire genie blood?
Starting point is 01:52:56 Yeah, No, I'm fucked. Can't do anything. Oh. Yeah. Is there such a thing as a water genie? I don't know. He's there.
Starting point is 01:53:05 I have no idea. It wouldn't fucking matter. I engineered these manacles to work off fire. What the hell would it help if there was a water genie? Yeah, I mean, hydro power is actually not very reliable. Yeah. And you need to end up having a backup generator anyway. Turned into a sungeal.
Starting point is 01:53:21 It only fuels an economy for 100 years, but that's... It's not me. That's no maybe. You're going to arm. I'm just saying. Anyway. Oh, and for the sake of, here is what's their towel.
Starting point is 01:53:33 Whoa. I love him. He's like a little fella. Yeah, he's a little fella. Long neck. I like his gloves. I gave him a doublet because I thought it would be cute. Yeah, that's great.
Starting point is 01:53:43 Yeah, I would like to, I mean, who knows, but I will unchief the... Gillian Coral of Steam Punk now. Oh, steam. Yeah. Fire water. Oh, listen. Now he can't heat up the water,
Starting point is 01:53:59 and he's just a water guy. All he is of top hat. Now we're cooking. Oh, I'm just shooting water everywhere. I'm not even sure that's an ability. At least it's water this time. I would like to take the, for Lauren's dagger,
Starting point is 01:54:19 for Lauren's dagger, and try and see if I can like get the blade into whatever the, locking mechanism is and then like jimmy it a little and then try and like like snap the is there anything that forlaren's dagger does for you outside of the fact that it's a magical weapon no i don't i don't break the keyhole gear i don't believe so hey listen worst case scenario i slip a little bit and i just impale him on the dagger i need your old wisdom saving throw oh maybe there's an even worse case scenario you die again
Starting point is 01:54:53 D. Oh. That's pretty good. That is pretty good. Wisdom save? 19. Okay. You put the dagger up to the lock,
Starting point is 01:55:12 and you begin to slide the blade toward the mechanism, and you feel the way this moves together. You are familiar with mechanics. And so this, is nothing unknown to you. However, you feel the vibration as you move the dagger. You know that that's unusual. You hone your senses into it and you can tell that there is some kind
Starting point is 01:55:40 of magical trap on this. If you were to continue, then you imagine that you would trigger that trap. Well, no, I don't think I can do it, guys. I think there's some kind of, you know, weird trap. And also, there's a crossword in front of me. I think I could do it right now. Yeah, well, that's fantastic.
Starting point is 01:56:08 We should talk about crosswords very often. No, I think it's just in this moment. Yeah, no. I think it's going to pass. Do you still have one of those like word jumbles or word fight, word searches that he could do real quick? No, we left a long time ago.
Starting point is 01:56:20 I did all of them. I mean, Frosty did all of them over my shoulder. Oh, bear is right there. Well, anyway, why to do? The name's Cremant LeCru. and we are a carnivala crew. It's based on what you said, you serve a queen. I serve Titania, the queen of the summer court, and all the Faye.
Starting point is 01:56:40 All the Faye. Like, queen of everything. Like the whole kitten caboodle of Faye wild. It's true. All right. Well, and you're her vassal, and presumably she would want you free. I am a trusty knight of the queen of the Faye. I was on my way to uncons.
Starting point is 01:56:59 However, what had happened here and why Zabilna was not responding to increase. Mm. Mm. Well... And it was in my discovery that I made my way to downfall and uncovered the truth here in hither, thither and yon. Bavlona, unfortunately, caught me as I was doing my investigations. Oh. trapped me in this cage and it was with the help of my Bullywug friend.
Starting point is 01:57:29 Oh, he must have survived and made his way to safety. Well, good on you. Well, today is... That makes me feel a lot better. I really liked Wigglewog. You know, those Bullywugs over at Downfall really are quite the lot, aren't they? Very sophisticated. Dilligent.
Starting point is 01:57:52 Was there a Bullywog? coup and a Yusiper? Yeah, were there like two, three thousand of them? There are quite a few bullywugs. Were they missing the heads and gibbering? Well, on the outside, there are stakes with previous nobility. But from what I could tell, everything was quite peaceful and downfall. Outside of course, Lavalna.
Starting point is 01:58:22 So is this where Bavallon? lives, is this town? Oh yes. She lives in a spooky cottage on stilts at the heart of Downfall. And where is Downfall? Oh, it's just off to the way. All right. Do you have, like, directions or do you just point to us? We can see kind of a bit of a swamp through the fog. Oh, it will be different in the morning. Yes, I was going to say, this is a place of ongoing change. I can't imagine you could possibly map this space. Didn't that rabbit thumpers say that we have to like go to a house on stilts and welcome its hospitality or something? Oh, there was an inn and we had to eat it stews?
Starting point is 01:59:02 Yeah, but it was a jump around like what the hell? We need to go meet a move to Prince. I have no idea what you're talking about. Do you mean the king of downfall? Oh, is there a king of downfall? Of course there's a king of down. How long has he been ruling? Three days.
Starting point is 01:59:18 Does he have a son? The longest rain, wild. Is he a bully walk? But that was a few days prior. Yes. Oh, is this like some like oddly macabre comedic
Starting point is 01:59:31 commentary on the French Revolution that we're getting ourselves into here? Perhaps it's like that episode of Futurama where they go to the assassination planet. What? Well, would you know where the key is? How can we get you out?
Starting point is 01:59:50 Yes. I do know where the key is. Oh, perfect. Well, we'll get it for you. We've been helping everybody. We are becoming great heroes in this land. There was a goblin name Jingle-Jangle. Oh, there was.
Starting point is 02:00:02 Are you fucking kidding? Are you serious? Jangle-Jangle? It's a very sad tale. Is he dead? She made her way to her corner. Oh, no way. And found herself in some sort of arrangement.
Starting point is 02:00:20 Mm-hmm. I don't know the full exception. scent of it, but she ended up being cursed to have a deep need to acquire keys. Wait, we met her, didn't we? No. Didn't we meet someone who was collecting keys? And was she a goblin? Who?
Starting point is 02:00:40 Am I crazy? Yeah, you're crazy. Oh, are you talking about in the carnival? Yeah. There was a guy, it was a monkey-clicking buttons. Oh, there was just a lot- And it was a monkey. Very close.
Starting point is 02:00:52 That's okay, man. You're making cursed. Yeah. I also died and came back. It's true. Resurrection of the flesh, as the good book says, apparently. A hell of a drug. Out of curiosity is...
Starting point is 02:01:06 The key to this cage was given to jingle-jangle upon her expulsion from downfall. And as far as I know, she is living atop Tollamy Hill. Oh. Tolomee Hill? Tell me Hill. Telling Hill. Didn't the rabbit say something about a hill? Or like a mound. That was more of a mound.
Starting point is 02:01:29 It is one and the same, I believe. Telly Me Hill moves on its own. It will be difficult to find. That's your next stop. Well, we got to meet with the... The Prince first. It's normally not too far from Slanty Tower, which is actually quite for tutus that I would like.
Starting point is 02:01:49 land here of all the places I could land. Well, could we take your cage with us? Or should we leave it here and come back? You know what? We know some lovely snakes that will keep you fed. Oh, yeah. Oh, not the snakes below. Well, it's fine. I'm quite a
Starting point is 02:02:04 feared of the snakes. No, they're actually surprisingly pleasant. I have a phobia of snakes. Yeah, we don't want to also narratively just complicated. It's complicated. Let's make a really mean. That would be three NPCs I'd have to voice all at What?
Starting point is 02:02:19 Yeah, that's... I think the god of the universe could probably handle it. And we don't... And that's where one. So, I mean, you know, what we could do is we could get you settled here. We have a lot of spaghetti
Starting point is 02:02:34 and garlic bread that will hopefully last you. Oh, and human bones. Do you like garden bread? Oh, that's a condom. Do you like garden bread? Garland bread. Garlic bread. I've never tried.
Starting point is 02:02:45 Oh, that's 65 pounds of loom. Do you like garlic bread? He takes a small piece of it and squeezes it, and you can see the buttery garlic kind of seep out of it for a second, is he pops it into his mouth and begins to chew. Hmm. Isn't it? A subtle hint of earthiness?
Starting point is 02:03:02 Mm-hmm. A spongy. Mm-hmm. There's a little bit of spice. Ooh, that umami flavor. Mm-hmm. What? Yes.
Starting point is 02:03:12 Well, um, so. The snakes made that. You could... Blah! Why would you say that all that? So that day, he would lose the phobia and perhaps be compelled to go downstairs. They make a delicious equivalent
Starting point is 02:03:30 to Sunday sauce. Their next door neighbors are doing terrible rituals, but everything's fine. You have an opportunity to question an NPC about a lot of things. Oh, so what did you discover? And we're talking about random shit. What did you discover before we go and try to save you?
Starting point is 02:03:47 You said you made a discovery. How do you know that Prismere has fallen as you are going to report to the Summer Queen? That is a brilliant question. Thank you. I'm so glad you asked. I'm doing a crossword. Well, thank you for asking.
Starting point is 02:04:08 I was in Bullywark. I was in downfall. Say, courteous and welcoming civilization of Bullywugs, provided one does not offend them, of course. and they can be quite murderous. It was there that I learned that Bavlona has the ability to conjure minions that look like tiny versions of herself, and to send them here and there to do her bidding. It was following one of these minions when I discovered it was sending messages to two sisters.
Starting point is 02:04:37 Bavlona has two sisters. There are three hags within this realm. I'm sure you did not know that information. No, we did. We did. She loathes them. Oh, so do we. Together, they form something called the hourglass coven. Okay, yeah, we know that.
Starting point is 02:04:52 And they're using an artifact called Igwilv's cauldron. Oh, that's... We didn't know. The cuddler... Has frozen time in Sabinna's palace, trapping the archfay inside. We heard the name Igwil before. We did.
Starting point is 02:05:09 Igwilv. I must find a way to set to Zbillna free. Where is she? In her cold. in her, in a palace. In the big hollow bastion thing. Oh. The palace of heart's desire.
Starting point is 02:05:25 Didn't you see Gainesbridge? Wait. But I must let Titania know that Sabilner has been overthrown by the hourglass cabin. She must know. Cabberthor. And also the other one.
Starting point is 02:05:40 Yeah, what's the other one? Uh, oh well. She sounds kind of hot. Enderlin Moongrave. Yeah. Endingland. Oh, yeah. At Moongrave.
Starting point is 02:05:50 Moongrave. Moongrave, I think. Ended a... Boo. It is very unfortunate that this has happened for, you see. I was sent here
Starting point is 02:05:59 on a mission by my queen, Titania of the Summer Court. Okay. To ally with Zabinna in a fight against the Formorians. What?
Starting point is 02:06:11 Oh, Fremorians? Theruzians? Theruzians? Do I know what Femoreans, sir? Mm, wrong intelligence. That's where I happen to be. Well, there's not necessarily a fight going on currently, but Titania is afraid that something is stirring with the Famorians.
Starting point is 02:06:29 Wait, how long have you been in prison here? Because then Zabalna get whisked away or whatever, like a year ago? What? That, uh... It's been a bit, a little bit. What's his name? I would remind you time works differently in the Faywild. Yes.
Starting point is 02:06:45 So a year, fourth. someone in the mortal plane would be different than time in the same wild. Oh, yeah. Okay, so can I use one of them shimmie shammies? Yeah, you may use a truth. Oh, we're on. Just one, just one. God darn it.
Starting point is 02:07:04 11. Wait, what? You do not have any recollection of Femoreans. The name sounds familiar to you, but you can't pinpoint where you would have heard it or read it. Fomorians? Yeah. For real? I was going to say there might be
Starting point is 02:07:19 Follesians Folesians Wow Gringo that was such a funny joke man Folesians, Rod Wow Yeah, that's a ball for us to Only you could have made that one
Starting point is 02:07:37 Perfect, like half a second later Would have been embarrassed That's what he gets for when I turned to him For support as a DM And he let me down He'd be crazy I was like, I'm gonna wait. Marking was thinking, I'm gonna wait until Dera gets ready
Starting point is 02:07:57 to make the Folescians joke and snipe it out right from underneath him, right as he is about to have it. I need to find a new joke. Wait, for this gonna be a war? Wait, we didn't agree to war or any kind of like political commentary. I might be jumping the god. on the war. The Formorians are Titania's most hated enemy. And any whisper that they may be stirring is a reason for her to jump into action.
Starting point is 02:08:31 So making sure Zabilner's on her side is the least she could do. She will not be pleased. My queen. Oh. I will return to you in the court of summer. I will come to you I will not be trapped in this cage forever Well, if I don't find that key, I mean, fuck No, we're going to find it, so
Starting point is 02:08:59 Yeah, but like if we don't, I mean, it's fucked. So. Yeah, you ain't opening that with a knife, I'll tell you that much. You might as try it again. So what we're going to do here, so our as thanks for saving Hootsie, which by the way, thank you again. I'm glad that y'all's friends.
Starting point is 02:09:15 I didn't mean to be so protective. I'm trying to be an open-minded father and just, you know, be more progressive, you know, and be... It's okay, so you can make her own decisions and hang out with whoever she wants to. We're going to get your key. We're going to go meet with the scarf,
Starting point is 02:09:30 Longskaff, Prince Longscarf. We are going to break bread. We are going to free you and plot a coup against... Babylon. Babylon. and we're going to kill her. You sound like you have a lot on your plate.
Starting point is 02:09:50 We do. It's a corner of a... It's kind of stacking up. Well, Ditania will be very pleased if I return to the summer court and I can... With your name on my lips into her ear. That's right.
Starting point is 02:10:01 That's what... Yeah, yeah, that's Crimea. You hope for nothing more. Maybe we could gain audience as a favor of return from set me free. If you ever... If you set me free and you find your way into the summer court, please.
Starting point is 02:10:14 Oh. Let them know a friend of service. Talava has arrived. All right. So Talavar. We got to free this guy right away. We might get a genuine reward. Well, we're going to get a reward if we just wait this building up and get back to, you know, our round.
Starting point is 02:10:28 Everything's square. We just go back to doing our own thing. No, but what if the reward stacks? Like, what old man, Rostov? I feel like this grand treasure is beyond our wildest dreams here, too. Oh, no. I just kind of feel like it's one of those things where the reward's going to be like flowers, you know? like we get our own garden
Starting point is 02:10:46 you know what I mean audience with the queen of all the Fay I mean it doesn't get more powerful than that as far as I'm concerned listen okay I think you know maybe we just kind of like take what's good for us and get without getting too involved
Starting point is 02:11:03 but I don't know if you guys want to go see the Queen of the Fay I guess it's true getting mixed up into Fay politics does seem like it's gonna if there's gonna be a warlock that sounds like that's pretty heavy and a hoard of treasure worth
Starting point is 02:11:18 you know having much gold is one thing but I mean the power and notoriety that some sort of you know position in maybe some kind of nobility or something you know I also think there's like an 80% chance that the second we leave this tower
Starting point is 02:11:34 we're going to forget about this guy no way we're going to remember to come back here no frost row it down that's a horrible thing to say oh look at the last you have my own trap and it's in here Yeah, but... It's huge. We're not...
Starting point is 02:11:46 We're not going to leave... We're not going to forget sir. All I'm saying is we forgot the gold. We forgot the gold. We forgot we had those letters. We forgot we had Sputter... The letters! What did it say?
Starting point is 02:11:58 Hold on one second. We're going to read some letters. Okay. Are you reading your letters? No, we went to go read them and they would just like... Oh, yeah. They're like useless. Oh, you never went to read your letters.
Starting point is 02:12:09 Yeah, we did. Yeah, we didn't. No, you didn't. I know for a fact, you didn't. Well, that can't be relevant now Well Chautilovar Is any other information
Starting point is 02:12:21 Should be What should be we worried about With Blavlona Bratstraw What should we be worried about? Everything Oh
Starting point is 02:12:34 Can you tell us a little bit about The way she uses magic Or her personality Anything at all That we might be able to Leverage or gain an advantage Against her No.
Starting point is 02:12:46 Would you like to just be here in the cage, or should we just... Should we move it somewhere? Maybe you can move it directly inside of Slanty Tower, so that I'm not beset upon by mosquitoes and gnats and pixies and willisps and rain. Yeah, yeah, it looks kind of heavy. Yeah, we'll help. We'll help. Oh, for God said, forget about it. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 02:13:14 playing himself and we actually have to move stuff. Yeah, when he looks directly in me, and he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, Gideon, you're so strong. A long day, you know. Oh, Giddy and I really got a case of the Monday. He's in game, yeah. Yeah. I'll move this thing. You sure you want to be in here, man?
Starting point is 02:13:33 I mean, we might need to be back for like weeks or months or something. That's like literal prison. Well, Delamy Hill is normally very close to slantytower. You should be finding within days. We're totally forget about it. We will not forget about you because you're Hootie's friend. But what if we don't find you? And then time works weird, and it's been like two years.
Starting point is 02:13:50 Yeah. Yeah. We'll tell the snakes downstairs to bring up food every once in a while. How about that? Ooh, let's not tell the snakes to do anything. No, we're going to tell the very friendly large worms. Yes, yes. That are not going to be snakes in costumes.
Starting point is 02:14:04 They go on large worms. We're wearing wife beaders and helmets. It's going to be great. You'll love it. Very large. They're called tent, dogs. Very white worms. Peterson helmet.
Starting point is 02:14:16 I figured him with one of the yellow construction like construction outfits with the safety. Yeah. I know he's a girl. You're called A shirts now, Derek. No, no. Get him with the tons. That was a Tony Suprano bathroom.
Starting point is 02:14:32 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's going to breathe very heavily as he snacks on some guppagoole that he brings to you. Anyways, we will get you in here. Oh, Gideon. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 02:14:48 Oh, yeah. Okay, well, come on. Oh, Gillian, Coral, thank you. Oh, yeah, right. Come on, sir. Oh, sorry, I'm splashing on you. Talibar. Yeah, Sir Talibar. Who she's fat? Oh, she was so glad.
Starting point is 02:15:00 And you are able to easily move Sir Talavar inside the slanty tower, bringing in the bits and pieces of the destroyed hot air balloon, you're able to make him comfortable. He now has a blanket made from the balloon itself, which was a bunch of pieces of cloth sewn together. He is pulling apart the basket through the cage bars and making himself a nice little bed of straw. And he looks fairly cozy. as he does donuts on it and then lowers himself down to take a nap. Oh, Hucci say goodbye to your friend, Sotala Vá. Dame Hucci, T-Qutti, Grim Grim.
Starting point is 02:15:50 He's a Tupper Wals. Farewell, owly. My once mount, but now my friend and loyal not. Oh, that's so sweet. May your adventures take you far and wide. We will return. And may the new horizons bring you adventures of learning, compassion, and honor. May you find love and hope and fulfill your dreams, Owley.
Starting point is 02:16:21 All right, we should get going. I will never forget you. Can you turn him back to normal? I will think of you always. Is that in your wheelhouse? Okay, okay, take it easy. Take it easy, sir, Taliflo. She's like a teenager.
Starting point is 02:16:32 And you'll always be my best friend. Okay. He can use magic through the cage. We've already established. Yeah, well, hopefully solitude doesn't drive you insane, man. Good luck. Sir Talvar, I have one last question. Is Jingle-Jangle's middle name Jangle?
Starting point is 02:16:49 I do not believe so. I believe her name is just Jingle-Jangle. Yeah, I'll only a couple Jingle-Jangles back home. Jingle-Jangle-Jangle? Could a full name be Jingle-Jangle-Fringle-Frangle? Well, no. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Starting point is 02:17:03 Goodbye, Sir Tava. Oh, Hoosie, I'm so glad. Look at when Papa Gautry, just cute, Spotted with a little sun hat. Isn't she so cute? Oh, let's go, rub, roo, roo. We make her way out of the slanty tower.
Starting point is 02:17:14 And as you exit the slanty tower, Gideon, you grew dead and reincarnated. Oh, no, Gia. Quick, dump the luba on him. Oh, I think I pulled, so. Gillian Coral, no. Coral, Coral. And with that, you will.
Starting point is 02:17:37 that you are standing outside of the slanty tower. Even if you're down here, you can hear the soft snoring of Sir Talavar as he's asleep in his cage. You can hear the sounds of two snakes arguing beneath the earth from their home. And you have all of Prismere looking out before you. The swamps of hither are darkened.
Starting point is 02:18:06 It is now well. into the evening at this point. And you can see flits of light, lightning bugs as they skitter around the swamp and they illuminate different areas. It is quite beautiful, though it does appear to be very treacherous as you look out at hither and you have no real direction. You just know that somewhere, somewhere in this swamp around the slanty tower, you will eventually, if you're lucky, find Tellamy Hill, the moving hill that is the home of Jingle Jingle. I will be just really focused on Hootsie and telling her everything that happened. Oh, yeah, do you remember Uncle Tollbeck? Yeah, oh, he was there and he was kind of, he got kidnapped
Starting point is 02:19:00 and it was really sad. Ah, but there's a snail number two, and he got to love snail number two. All right, fellas, let's, uh, didn't they see that there was a path from the slanty tower to where we would meet the rabbits? They just kept telling you to go north. North, okay. All right, fellas. Let's go north. And I'll step over the dead bullet. Flies.
Starting point is 02:19:27 How this got me in here? I still twitching. I can see it. Well, perhaps I'll be. Here we go. That'll be meals for the snakes, the snake family. I hate spaghetti, man. I eat a dead bowl.
Starting point is 02:19:47 To be fair, we don't know what kind of meat was in the meat bowls. Oh, God. It wasn't veal or pork or beef, flogged. You begin to make your way north, and I need you all to roll a day 20. Oh, you don't say. I do say. Six. Eleven.
Starting point is 02:20:05 11. Oh, eight. You believe you are turning into a wear cat. You are not. That is six. And the moon is shining high over the swamp. You can feel its rays piercing through the thick overgrowth of mangrove trees. As the moon beams hit your fur frost.
Starting point is 02:20:28 No. Gentlemen, you need to run. You need to run into the swamp right now. Frossey, are you okay? Ah! Okay, what? What I'm doing, man? Why are you screaming?
Starting point is 02:20:53 Is it your hives? Has he done this before? What? No, I'm... Not that I'm aware, right? What's wrong? I have never told you this before. Gringo.
Starting point is 02:21:04 What? That's happening. Oh, it is finally. It's happening. No, right? Morning Frost. a wear cat. Are we doing this? Oh god. What's gonna happen? Are you feeling all right? What did you get crummy? I got an eat. Okay. Keep gone. As you say this, as you look at Frost
Starting point is 02:21:32 and you say, what was it that you just said? Are you feeling all right? Are you feeling all right? Your face, normally if you were anyone else, would begin to elongate, but yours doesn't. because you're an alligator. But it does change as your alligator head turns into the head of a donkey. Anyone else feel like waffles all of a sudden? Oh, fuck. Man, check yourself out. Usually a little beer.
Starting point is 02:22:09 Yeah. And then the two of you got 11? Yeah. You swap bodies. Well. Frosty, now you're not aware, cat.
Starting point is 02:22:36 That's Susby gone. Gideon, it's going to be Now I'm I'm Grico. Okay. No, uh, all right, I'm, uh,
Starting point is 02:22:47 I'm Gideon. I said in my yeah. Frosty, you're fine. Hey, do you want, I don't even know one voice I'm doing. Do a, wait, wait, wait. Well, Gaines.
Starting point is 02:22:58 I remember just me, Grickon, is when I'm a little goblin Uti. Oh, Gregor, do you want Ootsie? Because I have Oonzie currently. I'll just keep her. Now get the fuck away from my daughter. Get the fuck out of here. Now, Hussie, it's me, it's Papa.
Starting point is 02:23:14 See, it's, you know, rat snack. Here you go. There you go. Frosty, you're fine. You were going to take two points of damage. Yeah. As a Gideon's uncontrolled strength. strength snaps one of your back.
Starting point is 02:23:32 Ah, be careful. I start biting and jumping into his arm as much as possible. This is what I normally do. I just put my hands on the side of his head and that usually calms him down. Ah! Ha! Ha!
Starting point is 02:23:53 Ha! Wow. Gideon, are you really this strong? Is this just that effortless? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yay! Wow.
Starting point is 02:24:05 That's pretty good. I mean, this is kind of nice. Maybe I should hit the jam. What do you think? I have a jar of bacon grease, and I'm just trying to get my mustache back, but now that I have hair, I can actually, like, try to style it. Is he going to be okay? You know, this has never happened before, so I'm not.
Starting point is 02:24:28 I'm not really sure. And this is, man, how's the weather down there? Oh! Wow. I got a nice view up here. How you operate from this height? You know, now you learn. Does anyone else a little warm?
Starting point is 02:24:47 Oh, yeah. I feel like my head's kind of warm-blooded and the rest of me is not. It's kind of a weird, like, I don't like it. I don't know what you're talking about. Would your voice still sound like that if you now have the head of a hawk of a dog? Oh, you would actually know exactly what he's talking about. You made of fire. Ugh.
Starting point is 02:25:06 You know after you eat a large meal and you suddenly start sweating, you get like the meat sweats? Yeah, that's kind of what it's like. That's like my whole fucking body. Yeah. Yeah. You can't. Okay, hold on, hold on. Let me just get frosty here.
Starting point is 02:25:21 I'm just going to, how do you do it show cold? Is this right here? Oh, no. Don't know. You're going to collapse his own. Yeah. I want you to roll a constitution check to see your constitution saving throw to see if you can stay conscious. Bricko, it's only five pounds of pressure on the.
Starting point is 02:25:36 Yeah, wait before you crack it like a ping pong ball. You know, wildly 23. Yeah, you are somehow. Your, your, uh, like, lichenthrop nature, it allows you to, your constitution is skyrocketed. You are filled with adrenaline and there is no stopping. Oh, what did, what a cremey? What did you teach me at, uh, in that very, uh, when we were out on the trail?
Starting point is 02:26:00 Oh, a form of seal. Hold the nose. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sleep now, brother. Yep.
Starting point is 02:26:05 Sleep now, brother. Sleep now, brother. I hope Mikey's hands don't smell gross. Sleep now, brother. That's actually not in character. He's passed out. You remember, well done. You know, this form fact is not that different.
Starting point is 02:26:21 I mean, I feel like my hat still kind of fits the same. The ears are kind of weird, but I still got my stylish mustache. And I'm just kind of hungry for waffles and pafees all of a sudden. You have continued to walk north. All through frosty over my shoulder. because I'm now nice and strong. And you find yourself in a patch of mist. And as you look around, you realize that the swamp is changing at your feet.
Starting point is 02:26:52 That you're witnessing an event. Almost as if you're watching a major image. Oh. You see a battlefield. Oh, so that's nice. You see bodies strown about, bodies of clearly Eladron and Fayfolk, in gilded armor of all of the courts,
Starting point is 02:27:24 very clearly, bannermen of the summer court, winter court, spring court, and autumn court, strown about the field. You see bodies of the, gargantuan entities. They are, they're hard to really describe, but you see that many of them are marked with a third eye on their forehead, blood spilling down their faces as they lay dead on the battlefield. And as the mist moves, you realize as you reach out to touch one of these, that they're not really there, as if the mist forms this image in front of you.
Starting point is 02:28:15 And you see two men marching towards you large in stature, almost as large as the giant-like bodies that you see dead on the ground in front of you, but much more alladron in stature. they're fully decked in plate mail a symbol of regalia a form of regalia that you have never seen before and emblazoned on the front of their chest plate is the visage of a barn owl with its wings spread wide both of them are wearing masks, masquerade masks, that are formed and etched into their metal helmets as they walk forward and kick at the bodies checking for the dead. You continue to walk forward towards them. What the fuck? They walk towards you.
Starting point is 02:29:19 And for a second, you see as one of them looks up, almost as if seeing you as the way. as the wind moves in and the vision fades, you find yourself alone in the swamp yet again. The chirping sounds of the crickets and the night bugs, just filling the space around you, the cool air, cooling down your heated skin, the smell of the fetid earth assailing your nostrils. And yet as you breathe in,
Starting point is 02:29:56 You can, you can, you can smell it on the air. That faint smell of iron, of blood. And that is where we'll end tonight's session. Boy, what fast? No, bad, bad, bad kitty. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to,
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