Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 20 | Hot Jones

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

The party unwinds after their harrowing encounter...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk hor...ror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/P-x_jAD3Ao4?si=HvZQ0NZBodMGg96I

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:01 Welcome to Legends of Adventress. I'm Twig, and you're listening to What's the Port of Witchlight? Here's what happened last time. You have met with an emissary from the Summerport. This fairy dragon is locked within a cage. The key has fallen into the hands of a goblin. My name's Twig Toad Spring, and I run the inn at the end of the road. You see a shape move quickly past one of the windows.
Starting point is 00:00:32 The face is a face. face you recognize, things that hang from his mouth, from Torbeck's mouth, are far larger than they had been before. His eyes are wild and in a frenzy. Andy, can you please take the DM station for me? The greatest roofie! Hello, hello. Holy shit. Impossibly long, tendril-like finger slowly creep around the door frame. You have no time to react before the lightning-quipped Torbeck lunges for you. I need you all to roll for initiative. As you deliver the final blow,
Starting point is 00:01:13 almost instantly, Torbeck's limbs begin to ripple and move and shrink. Guys, where is Torbeck? If you want to tell him, we can tell him. We bear responsibility for everything that's happened. It's more responsibility. What? You all turned Torbeck in? Torbeck appreciates your honesty.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Torbeck knows you couldn't have known. Torbeck doesn't even know. I'm sorry, Your Highness. I hate to say it, but the bug bear somehow escaped? I believe that he may have met up with some friends. You're going to pay for that. You are all asleep in the inn at the end of the road. It's cozy.
Starting point is 00:02:12 It's comfortable, and it's your first bit of rest. Legitimate rest in what feels like 16, 17, 18 weeks. And at first, it is lovely until you all begin to dream. In this dream, you see the vision of a dwarf man walking through the illuminated halls of what is clearly a subterranean palace. you experience the the meeting between him and a being, a person that you have never met before. And it becomes clear to you in this dream,
Starting point is 00:02:54 if this dream is in fact true, that whatever this being is knows exactly where Torvec is and who he is with. And it is with that realization that you all awake immediately in unison with a start. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:19 Geez, I got a drink. Oh, the integrity. Do you guys always wake up and scream like that? Pic Tunia was snorting. Wait, are we all sleeping the same way? Oh, I guess you guys are in the common room. Who's not in the common room? Just drop, but his doors open and he's sitting up breathing heavily,
Starting point is 00:03:47 and all his hair on his back on the back of his neck is standing straight up. Oh, Mr. Crammy, Torbeck, Hesselley. A nightmare. Well, at least it wasn't just me. Did you wake us up? Tell you? No, not me. I'm quiet as a church mouse.
Starting point is 00:04:04 I was simply just brushing all the ash out of the hearth. And you can see she's got soot all over her dress. Her rosy cheeks have soot on them. She's very, she's very clearly been next to the fire for a significant amount of time. She looks incredibly warm. She's slightly sweaty. Will somebody get Torbuck a glass of warm milk? Oh yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:04:32 Anybody else want anything else? Anybody thirsty? Torback? Your cup of hot Jones can wait. What's Jones? I'm going to ask you one question. I'm not going to be mad. All right.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Did you kick over the structural support pillow that was keeping up this section of the blanket fault, because it seems we've sacrificed structural integrity, and Grico ain't no slouts. Torbeck thrashes in his sleep a little. It was probably Torback. Well, Torbeck, like I said, I'm not mad, but I can forgive trying to stab me and inject my blood with toxic ooze. But compromising the structural support of a pillow for, I will not abide. Just know this is going forward if you value our friendship.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Torbeck has noted it. Exactly. Now we can move on his friends. This is also the first time we've slept. Yeah. Well, that's the student observation. Does anybody want something to drink?
Starting point is 00:05:49 Or is it just some warm milk for Torbeck? We'll get a round of Hot Jones for everyone. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is either. Frost would be at the door. And I'm wearing my robe, having obviously switched into, like, more of a night outfit. A night robe?
Starting point is 00:06:07 But I'm wearing my robe almost like a bathrobe at this point, keeping it tucked at my sides. But, yes, milk is indeed a good source of vitamin C and other nutrients. I wouldn't mind a glass of warm milk. Okay. Yeah, I'll take some of that bean juice if you still got it. Bean juice, two warm milks, one hot Jones. Thank you. Is it in the morning?
Starting point is 00:06:30 I mean, you fucking crazy? 2 a.m. You just asked off and drink. I'll drink of whiskey and bean juice. Big juice is going to kick up. What time is it, I assume, we got a long rest? Huh? I assume that we slept for the usual six to eight hours necessary to keep the body.
Starting point is 00:06:50 I don't know. Torbeck normally sleeps for 22 hours. trade. Keep it in game, Torback. That's too much time, Torback. You're hurting yourself at that much sleep. You all slept for quite a while. I had enough time to play hide and seek with pig tunia.
Starting point is 00:07:10 She won. I lost again. Imagine that, you know, aren't pigs quite good at seeking out things? You'd think I'd be able to find it really easy. She goes, but whenever we're playing hide and seek, she's quiet. Instead of doing that, she goes, You don't happen to have any truffles on you, do you?
Starting point is 00:07:32 Not on my physical person currently. When you play hide and seek, do you have truffles on you? No? Just checking. Hi. Can you guys believe that 48 hours ago we were on Hague? Where's that? Man, a lot's happened.
Starting point is 00:07:51 What's an Hockway? Oh, it's just the place. It's the city. where we were when we decided to go to a carnival and then eventually found our way here to Prismere. There's a lot of jazz. Yeah, there's a lot of jazz. That's for sure.
Starting point is 00:08:07 And bully wugs. If you like jazz, there are these really nice snakes that live over at the slanted tower. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, we had a spaghetti, we had a snake-cooked spaghetti dinner from them. Twigsie, you know, Mr. Snake, snake? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Are you telling Torbeck that snakes cooked you spaghetti? Oh, yes. It was remarkable to watch. They really put it on a plate to say that they cooked it as a bit of a, you know, that's giving them a lot more than they really dessert. Well, it wasn't raw, I guess, if that's your question. Next, you're going to try to convince Torbeck that a shrimp fried that rice. That's pretty funny.
Starting point is 00:08:50 No, Torbeck, it was a truly remarkable feat. The wife cooked us a full spaghetti dinner with meatballs and everything. She even had a hot pad. It was really more like a sock that she put over her head. Tell me more. I will. As soon as we get our milk and whatever hot Jones. What is a hot Jones?
Starting point is 00:09:23 Hot Jones. What's in it? If you have to ask, you don't want it. Is the displaced of his drink just heated up? That's what you enjoy. It came heated up. Oh, it did. Yeah. That's my furrow
Starting point is 00:09:36 to eat it up. Oh, well, God. I don't know, man. What the hell's a hot Jones, man? You know, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. We're not paying for any of these things. What did you want for me? I don't have to bring you anything. If you're mad that I'm bringing beverages,
Starting point is 00:09:54 to work back ass for it. And so I said I would do it, but I don't have to if it makes you upset. Just a bottle of something. Why? Just anything to make me go to sleep. I mean, assuming that it's like the middle of the night. I mean, usually when I get woken up by a horrible night, man, it's not like the morning.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Usually I don't get up and feel chipper, and I'm like, oh, let's go start the day. No, didn't you see the Blue Jays fly by with the sheets? They're hanging on the window? And you watch as you look, as a Blue J flies by the window, its wings are protruding from the curved part of the J. It doesn't have a T shape at the top like some Jays do or a dot, because it's not a little.
Starting point is 00:10:32 lowercase. It's very clearly an uppercase J. I propose that we renamed Torbeck Muzzy. I was going to say if a big mouth starts talking and sounds like Winnie the Pooh and a cat appears, I'm going to get freaked out and my whole childhood is going to be very formated about that experience. What's the poo?
Starting point is 00:10:59 And twig leaves and heads downstairs. Hold on what time? Oh, no, look. It's the wee hours of the morning and I'll reach into my vest and I'll pull out with very clearly a pocket wash that's just whittled from wood
Starting point is 00:11:10 and it just says the wee hours. I pull out my actual pocket pocket. It also says the we hours. What the fuck? It has an Allison Wonderland
Starting point is 00:11:23 face. The wee hours. I guess we didn't get a rest, did we? No. You wake up and you feel like you've had a lot of hours. That's what we're waiting for.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Our DM. What moved my pocket watch saying? Your pocket watch is moving much faster than you expected it to. You're physically watching it just go around in circles. I've gotten all my beans back. This thing is broken. Oh, yeah, Gideon, I think you're right. I don't think they cooked it when they thought that no one was looking.
Starting point is 00:12:00 They reached into the cupboard, and they pulled out a can that said, chef boy or d and it was a snake yeah you saw that too yeah yeah I think they just popped the top run off in the bowl yeah I'm pretty sure they're supposed
Starting point is 00:12:18 to heat that up yeah they didn't even heat it up no she just moved around a little just from a can oh yeah well it was all it was all in there yeah I think it was one of those one stop shop things
Starting point is 00:12:30 yeah yeah like he and the sausages oh I hate Vienna. We're going to talk about the fun of the bag. We all have the same dream again. I've been waiting for everyone to get their beverages. Thank you, Gideon.
Starting point is 00:12:49 No, we got, listen. And it's right around this time that Twig comes up with an overly large tray, filled with drinks. There are also some snacks on there. These little frosted cookies that have what looked to be like licorice bows stuck to them. She clearly baked them. them all. There are muffins that are shaped like toadstools.
Starting point is 00:13:12 They're frosted red. With cute little white or like creamish candy drops to make it look like a toadstool. And she sets it down and she begins to hand out the drinks. Cremie, you get a bottle.
Starting point is 00:13:28 The label on it says something by twig. You get two frothing glasses of warm milk. It's absolutely delicious. Thank you. You have your bean juice, which makes you, which immediately starts to perk you up. And Grico, she hands you a wooden mug. And as you look inside of it, there is a small pixie man.
Starting point is 00:13:53 He's very hot. His name is Jones. Oh, it's exactly what I wanted. It's like golfers. Caution content's high. I love that, great. Oh, it's a making. Zero not Jones kid.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Okay, walk over to the microwave. It's like when you put a Furby in a microwave. I love you. Get out of my cup hot, Jones. He climbs out of the mug and flies up to the bookshelf. There ain't no sentiment's chimney. And you have an empty mug. It's warm.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Did we all have the same kind of dream? We all awoke at the same time. that would indicate that we were under the influence of some similar dream magic, but whether we experience the same thing, we need to explain what we saw. I don't hope we all had different dreams. Do you a bunch of drugs before bed again? No, I... Sure?
Starting point is 00:15:02 Torbeck's worrying. Torbeck man, put you all in more danger. What are you talking about drugs, shit? I don't know. Maybe he hit us with all that witchline. We were on kind of like a fantasy quest in our dream space. I think that we would all good. friends Mr. Witton Miss Allied were secretly
Starting point is 00:15:18 lacing everything with with drugs as soon as we entered their establishment. I mean, what do you think was in that taffy? Drugs? We ate so much of that tap. No, that would have been like drug antidote, right? That's like anti-drugs. Well, it's just uppers and downers, you know? I mean, they give you something to level you out and then get back into the game.
Starting point is 00:15:40 My pancreas is never going to recover from this. We could still be in the carnival. This could all be a nightmare hallucination. That's fair. I mean grand total, that was only like seven hours ago and that's after we slept. So, wait. There was that guy, a doctor with the big mustache. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:15:57 The one with the white coat. Yeah. The same one I saw and we got those masks on our heads. We did experience the same thing, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, no. And there was a guy who's like, you know, I was like, whoa. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Yeah. Why are you watching all? Why are you always watching Kingley types and looking at their Whoa I mean that's how you will I know I saw a too much Yeah but like all of his visions are
Starting point is 00:16:24 Yeah but like all of his visions are about People in throids That's how you can judge the Stock of a royal line Crickote is Royalty Remember No that was also drugs
Starting point is 00:16:36 Prisoner escaped You need that crazy escape prisoners How to kill us Yes Oh Exactly right Oh, no, there's an escaped maniac on the loose. Yep, exactly right.
Starting point is 00:16:53 And like a boogeyman that goes bumping the night. Oh, we have to leave, Twig. It's been very wonderful. Thank you for the approximation of Hot Jones. We've got to get out of here. But then's still moving. Oh, he'll never catch up with us while we're in the moving in. Oh, that's reassuring.
Starting point is 00:17:17 Oh, they ought to call it and out. What was in your dream? I didn't have one because I was wake, playing hide and seek with big tune, you're losing. Would it be fair for Frost, too, to deduce that the prisoner mentioned in the dialogue? Oh, yeah, everyone with Grico realizes immediately that it was definitely at Torback. Including Torback? Things are a little fuzzy for Torback, and Torbeck just doesn't mean his paws. It's a good thing that's in is moving.
Starting point is 00:17:48 It sounded like they were looking. for you. No, Torbeck is very sorry if Torbeck causes more problems for everyone, especially Twig. So that means there's a good chance you will follow. Or they got some way of tracking them. Yeah. We all saw that fucking owl, right? Oh, the owl.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Oh, shit. That was kind of weird. Yeah, no shit. Well, there was a lot going on. I need you all to roll a D20 for me, please. Just a D20? Yeah, I'm supposed to dreading you.
Starting point is 00:18:28 I'm sure this would be fine. Okay. Three. 15. I also got a 15. Should one of us re-roll? No. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:38 Four. 12. Gideon, you develop an appetite for human bones. Human bones. You are incredibly paranoid and believe everyone out to get you. Oh, perfect. 12, you said,
Starting point is 00:18:56 you cannot tell the truth. You love to lie, Frost. And Grico and Torbeck, you both immediately die from the Royal. Torbeck is wrong. Welcome to the club, Dorbe. Oh, no. You got 15 other Joneses
Starting point is 00:19:35 in the cabinet? Well, just in case someone orders a hot Jones. You could have a hot Jones. Oh, for consumption? I'll get a hot Jones. You'll kind of eat him? Oh, yeah. They got bones in them? Give me a hot don't. No, no, don't get him a hot jones. Get me a hot jones.
Starting point is 00:19:50 I'm hungry. Yeah, Skidian loves... You like pixie bonds? They're trying. Oh, they're pixies? Yeah. Ugh. I hate pixie bones.
Starting point is 00:20:01 You got the humans line around? Or bones. Human bones. Maybe. You guys roll up their hair. I said, do you not. Nah. You just let me know if they're shifting into humans.
Starting point is 00:20:15 I'll just tackle them. I'm not on at their bit. Please go. 50. 50. Rerol. What is it? It's a hex blood.
Starting point is 00:20:27 Oh, yeah. That's no fun. How are you getting hexblood? 83. There's no way that's a hexblood. You put to backslip. No! You spilled your milk sorbet.
Starting point is 00:20:49 Upper Blains dehumanoid. Did he have 50 again? No, that's 5. Is that zero? No, that's not zero. That's 85. 85. Oh, interesting.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Right? Is that me? I get to roll a D12. 85, yeah. Why do you get to roll a D12? Because. Oh, no. You need to be the master of the chart.
Starting point is 00:21:14 I really should. I turn into a mammon tea fling. What is that? What the hell is a mammon tea fling? A teetling of mammon. Yeah, it's a teetling of the... Oh, it's a place. I think mammon is like...
Starting point is 00:21:31 Arched up. Arched up. I actually know. I exactly know exactly how it's gone on that. Of course you do. A human... You know, there might be... I might be able to get you some.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Yeah, perfect. I'd really hit the spot. It would be long, dead humans, though. I don't think that matters. You know, whatever you got, I'm not really, you know... They put the expiration date on. It's really more of a suggestion. You know, in my experience, I'll eat whatever you got.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Okay. Did they just OD? Oh, shit. They're fucking dead. I forgot. You all have feds in the Faywild? Is there any sort of like federal agent that like, you know, where drugs are illegal and like we could get in big trouble if we were found with two dead people that died of overdoses?
Starting point is 00:22:16 No. It's probably drugs. I'm sure there's no common element to or poison in any of our drinks. Fuck. Oh, God, kid. We really got to get out of here. What are you made? Are they dead?
Starting point is 00:22:28 I wouldn't know. I'm not saying you did it. She might have done it, Kim. I didn't. Wait, you didn't. Poisoned him? What are you talking about? You remember what she turned into a crazy, horrible monster and helped us fight?
Starting point is 00:22:42 Okay. Crazy, horrible, you know, kind of still cute, kind monster? I can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. All right. Well, so, and then she fought him? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:55 No, maybe it wasn't her. Maybe it was. Oh, my God. Yeah. Mm, oh, yes, Torbeck has finally experienced the sweet release. of death. Oh, Torbeck is back. Welcome back, Torbeck. Torbeck was happy with the infinite abyss. And now Torbeck is back in the inn. Um, what happened?
Starting point is 00:23:21 Ugh. From lack of funds. Hey. Does you have gold to you? Yeah, no, I am. I, I, oh, no, my color's fading. I need a little bit more, uh, the only remedy is gold. Wait, what? Do you want to eat it? A golden bow? Bell. Bell?
Starting point is 00:23:55 Yeah, like ringy-ding-ding. What's the... What's the market price of that? I don't know. I'll take it. I don't have it in my hands right now. I'll go get it when I get the pile of bow. Oh, this is just a canary.
Starting point is 00:24:12 You just crushed Todd Jones. Was that Jones? Yeah, he's dead. Oh, God. I'll go bury him with Frederick. And she comes over and she grabs him. Yeah, I told you. The fans of the shapeshifting devils, we really got it
Starting point is 00:24:28 the fuck out of it. I don't think. I don't know what pervy he made the feds have, but I don't think they could have when they were dead. They definitely can't help when they've been resurrected as a cat. And, um, the word you're looking for is Tiefling.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Torbeck is confused as to why Torbeck looks like Frost. It is indeed a that's not confusing at all. It makes perfect sense. Is this something that happens? Normally? Well, I mean, it's happened before, but this is awfully suspicious that it happens. The morning after the thing, we had the dream, and this is all too, it's all lining up.
Starting point is 00:25:03 Torbeck is used to having fur, but not being so frail. Look, look, yeah, I'm telling you, look, maybe we just, maybe we just kill him again and just make him stay down, you know what I mean? And then we'll be fine, then we'll get out of here and that, that owl, you know, he might, he might chase us, but can you, you can't really punch you out. Hey, Crammy, I've been doing some thinking. What the fuck you're gonna say? Do you know how long we've worked?
Starting point is 00:25:26 together, Cremie? I've never seen you before my fucking life. Do you know how many back wages you owe me? It doesn't owe you any bag wages. You're not, Gricco. I knew it. I knew you ain't Grico. Then why do I know that you owe me exactly 78,462 gold pieces of the back wages that you just paid me with I owe yous?
Starting point is 00:25:47 Huh? I pulled a piece of paper with all these guys. Oh, fuck. Oh my God. Undercover. This is truly perplexing. Yeah. No, I would like all of that right now with interest.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Well, I mean, right now, look, on the count of three, all right? Yeah, I'm with you now. All right. What starts collecting on debts? Something fucking weird is going on here. Look, you snap, you snap Bricko's neck. Okay. Deal with a toll back all right?
Starting point is 00:26:20 Yeah, that's fine. I'll do that. I'll get that. Yeah. Hi. Twig. Hey, Twigs, hey. Hey, Twigs, Twigs, what's up?
Starting point is 00:26:26 Oh, I can't do this. plan right now. I gotta eat a sack of bones. Wait a what? You too? You have the golden ballroom, man? Yeah, right here you go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. I appreciate it. Cremie, this isn't important. There probably is no reason for concern at this time.
Starting point is 00:26:43 What kind of boons are they, if you don't mind me asking? Oh, bones that were given to me as a gift from my hospitality and for a room from someone who was part of the soggy court. Oh, like real expensive bones? Like soggy bones?
Starting point is 00:27:02 I don't know where they came from, but you know I'll take him Oh, hey, no, you can't handle What the hell's the matter with you? Do you know how much soggy bones could fetch? No, they're not. No, they're not. Now, listen, they're for eating.
Starting point is 00:27:16 You don't sell soggy bones. The bones aren't soggy. Nobody's going to buy soggy bones? And she starts to, she starts to, like, meld with her shadow. Nope, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. He didn't mean what he said about your twig.
Starting point is 00:27:30 He didn't mean it. rake it in? You didn't mean it? I don't even say, I don't mean it. Yeah, why are you saying? In size of bones? We should probably charge him triple for the price and split the gold. You don't charge anything. Well, that's your first problem. What the fuck are you doing?
Starting point is 00:27:46 Don't... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's fine. Twig, what are you doing? What are you doing today? You got to clean... You got to clean some stuff. You gave people hot Jones. You gave somebody a bottle of something, two people died.
Starting point is 00:28:02 people die in your house. There's no reason to get angry. Everything's going to be fine. Don't you dare make me boggered out. Listen, I just want those bones. Okay. What kind of bones? Soggy, not soggy? Normal bones? I'll let's screen it one more time. Okay. They're from the soggy cord. That's the bully wugs that live
Starting point is 00:28:22 outside of Scabith's house. Oh, they bullywug bones? Are the human bones? No, they're human bones. Oh, thank goodness. It was just one of the, one of the members of the soggy court came to stay inside of my in ones. And, you know, the rules, they had to give me something. I don't really want the bones, but they gave them to me anyway.
Starting point is 00:28:43 For what it's worth, Twig, Torbeck really enjoys your coping mechanism. It's not that uncommon for Torbeck to talk to himself, to calm himself down as well. I'm sorry, I stop listening to you. Most people do. No, it's just so weird that you look at. exactly like frost. It is pretty weird. But you're not wearing frost clothes, though.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Wait, does he actually look like frost? He looks exactly like frost. Oh, is he like naked frost at one time? Why isn't he wearing? Oh, this is a pretty good acting here. We can charge a lot of money for. Huh? Huh?
Starting point is 00:29:22 What do you mean? Did you know that we don't use money in the Fay Wild? What? Oh. I'm sorry. Oh, it's the big one. Bricko, are you all right? It looks like you might be dying again.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Oh, I'm dying again. The only cure is cold. Our equivalent in the silver or like Trump. I don't take copper pieces. I'm not really sure why you resurrect as a cat. You resurrect as a debt collector. Torbeck, couldn't tell you. Welcome.
Starting point is 00:30:08 You're the equivalent of, oh, wow. That's happening. It's going straight. Well, some friends you are. Unbelievable. Oh, at least, I guess, chew them. I don't know. Yeah, you can't chew bones.
Starting point is 00:30:22 You just swallow them whole. You ever eat like a chicken bone one time? You don't chew it up. You're taking down. Try not to. Yeah. Oh, my God. What?
Starting point is 00:30:32 It's just horrifying. Well, you gave them to them. It's kind of your stuff. You asked for them. Well, that's true. Why do you keep human bones lying around? I didn't want them. I just explained you why they were here.
Starting point is 00:30:45 fucking respect for what his bones they are. I have respect. Are bones a common gift in this kind of in this part of the Faywild? Well, you go to the soggy court. Sure, bones are all over the place.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Probably. Is that true? Did I say it wrong again? You should probably keep antagonizing twig and not comforting her. Oh, well, there's soggy bones. I mean, you know, they're
Starting point is 00:31:16 mediocre. She turns around and runs down the stairs crying. Oh, Frosty, man. They're so good at things. I can't believe you would do that. I don't get the sense. That's unbelievable. Okay.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Not from you. Okay? I just don't like who you've become. Well, you know, that's what you, you know, what you see is what you get. I'm a pot-bellied golden tafling now. I got little tiny horns. I'm not much taller. Like filet.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Yeah. No, no, no, you look like the fucking yellow guy from Sin City. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. The guy from Carnival. Torbeck would also like to just go on record and saying that Gideon is eating the bones the right way. Oh, did you want some?
Starting point is 00:32:11 Oh, no, no bones for Torbeck, thank you. Oh, well, good. How used to make me make like a human, you know, we can put them in a pot and crummy. Crammy? You are good, making a stock and I brought. Can you roll a D. 20 for me please.
Starting point is 00:32:26 I'm just stuck on my 20s. Oh, it's it. Taste some bad. I'm kidding. 18. You become a proud nudist. Am I still paranoid
Starting point is 00:32:38 that everyone's out of Yeah. Yeah, no, I haven't gotten rid of the first one. I've just decided to staff them on you. Oh, my God. My clothes.
Starting point is 00:32:47 They've been tainted. They've been tainted. What do you mean? Tainted by what? By, by, all the feds. All the feds, they're all in your clothes and your fine silken clothes.
Starting point is 00:32:57 I'll take them for safekeeping. Please, please. Oh, yeah, oh yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, yeah, take that off. Absolutely, absolutely. It's divination magic. Oh, yeah, here we go.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Here we go. We don't want to wrinkle it. Okay, here we go. Mr. Kremi, you have the right idea. Torbeck is with you, and he begins to drop out and disrupt. Okay. Why's everybody just getting naked here? Torbeck has been reduced to his natural state and inspired by Mr. Kremi.
Starting point is 00:33:23 His divination enchanted thread, Gid. Gid. Foss, talk some sense into him, man. They just struck down to their bare, I can't say that I understand the feeling to disrobe suddenly at all. It's probably not a fake curse. Well, shit, you guys just wanted to do this normal for no reason to hope? How are you going to cook me human bones soup?
Starting point is 00:33:44 You're naked. Torbeck, you look terrible. Why can't I cook naked, kid? Derek, I'd like you to roll it to you twice for me, please. Now you will more easily tell the difference between Torbeck and Frost. Torbeck, any feelings of abandonment or displacement that I might have had as friends in this group certainly aren't being heightened by your current appearance. Roll again for me, please.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Listen, Frost. That joke that Torbeck made all those years ago was just a joke. Torbeck would never try to replace Frost. 16. Your knee puck start moving around under your skin. becomes a flopping penis. You don't notice any change in yourself. Well, that's one way to tell the difference between us.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Well, you know, it's been a pleasure. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I got to go. I can't eat all these. I can't eat all these bones in here with all these flopping pieces. I'll take those bones off your hands.
Starting point is 00:34:54 I'll take your bones off your hands, okay? I wish they would put their bones away, so I'm going to enjoy these bones. This is a natural state, dude. No, it's not. Your natural state. I've never seen you without a two-piece lapel on, man. That's your natural state. Yeah, and now that I feel this way, I mean, I've been restricted my whole life.
Starting point is 00:35:11 700-count Egyptian thread cotton woven in to the silken la belle is what you have said your natural state was from the moment I met you. Well, those 725 Egyptian thread counts were a prison. And now I'm free gear. You should be happy for me. Oh, Mr. Dremie is right. I mean, look at us. Look at him. I got to use a little Tifling's room. Frost, uh, Nike, I would like you to roll a deep on your apartment. Frost has the right idea.
Starting point is 00:35:40 I'm going to take a wicked piss. I understand what you mean perfectly, Torbeck. Uh-oh. Careful where you swing that thing, Frost. Swing what thing? Careful, careful. I don't understand what you're saying. I got a good giant piece coming out of your house.
Starting point is 00:35:56 immediately die. So I'm going to the bathroom and you'll hear like rustling and grunting as I get into I get into like a suit. Are you gonna pull an Elvis? Somebody give me a veta butter and banana sandwich.
Starting point is 00:36:15 No, I will get into a really bad disguise with a big mustache and then I'll knock on the door. Hey, did anyone order a Fed extermination service? A very expensive Fed extermination. Well, there he goes again. Mike, can you send me that list so I can manage it? Oh, yeah, yeah. You can just go literally just Google
Starting point is 00:36:42 Expanded Reincarnation list. Here, I can send it to you, too. Oh, my God. I think there are assassins around. Oh, I just don't get why everyone's been struck and fucking crazy by something. I'm completely unaffected. I don't think we're in any danger.
Starting point is 00:36:58 There's not going to be any problem. Yeah, can you roll a D-100 for me? Oh, you got it? Yeah. Torbeck is becoming increasingly concerned that Frost might knock himself out. I'm not sure what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. This is difficult to maintain.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Don't throw your head backwards like that. You're going to mushroom stab yourself. No, you're good. I suppose that makes sense. You watch as where Grico, who had become a mammon teethling, dropped dead. You begin to see his body elongate. you see his muscles ripple
Starting point is 00:37:33 that similar green color begins to come back to his body but he is what? Is he wearing my suit? He is and you see how the suit contours to his form for a minute but he does not stop growing
Starting point is 00:37:52 if the suit begins to rip in the seams and tear as where had been Grigo and then a mammothed teethling is Now an ork in shredded clothing. I'm walking here. This is certainly no cause for concern. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:38:13 My clothes killed him. Either that or it was an assassin. I can't talk to you right now. I can't talk to you right now either. What are you talking about? You have a penis on your face. You have a penis on your body. Everybody's naked.
Starting point is 00:38:27 We all got a penis is on the bodies, gear. Yeah. Well, not everybody's totally stark. naked while they have penises on their bodies. Here's the problem to get it's your clothes. No, no, no, no. There's some sort of magical enchantment on your clothes. I like you to roll a D20 for me, please.
Starting point is 00:38:39 Certainly, yes. Making you crazy. Don't you start talking to my clothes. I'm not taking my clothes off. Let me help you out. No, don't we're talking about. No, get off me. Join us, Gideon, please.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Get naked. Get it, come on. Mr. Jaime or Rice. D4. All right, please. Think of the fatal government. We've done a lot of bad stuff. The failure of the wrong government.
Starting point is 00:39:00 We've done a lot of bad stuff. You know a lot of bad stuff, you know. It's really good. You become a spring alladron. As you watch, as yet again, Torback begins to change. Where once had been, a penis-lose-nosed frost is now a beautiful spring alladron.
Starting point is 00:39:23 You guys flavored them as, I can't remember. So if you're gonna keep consistent with my summer. Summer. Summer. Summer. You were spring in me. That's what I was. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're, yeah. Oh, whoa. Oh, g-d-do-k. Oh, no. Well.
Starting point is 00:39:42 Oh, what? Is everything good with you, Bricko? Oh, geek, do-key. Oh, no. That was some sort of transmogrification. transmogrification to see you get what you want i don't i don't want anything why you're doing that with your eyes man are you okay work work wait i stand up getting in the tatters face
Starting point is 00:40:30 Thank God. Work, work, work. And I walk over to the side of the wall and then start smashing it to the side of the... Yeah, just keep doing that. That's very nice. I'm sure people appreciate it. No, we're gas here, man.
Starting point is 00:40:43 Frosty talks some sense into it. Go down and break through the wall. Keep doing. No, don't keep on it. Something you do me? Wait a minute. I don't have an idea. Twig, it's very important that you don't bring
Starting point is 00:40:57 any beverages upstairs. It's extremely important. for our own health and safety that you do not bring any kinds of remedies upstairs. Do you understand me? And I'm going to walk, I'm going to turn, and I'm going to start walking to get drinks.
Starting point is 00:41:14 More work. I pray this doesn't work. I'm going to go into the cabin. I'm trying to find into the drink cabinet. Sure. Roll an investigation check and disadvantage. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to have like what, negative three,
Starting point is 00:41:32 and tell it. Oh, natural 20 and it's 16. That's pretty fucking good. Uh, 17. You got natural 20 minutes of 17. Yeah, because the other one was 16. Okay. Oh, because you're at disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, you are looking around and you, you're looking for a drink cabinet specifically, and you... Misunderstanding what Frost said. You do eventually find a cabinet that seems to be, filled with sachets of tea leaves. But you don't find a cabinet
Starting point is 00:42:08 that seems to have additional beverages. Work, work. Very good, Bricko. I just imagine the shit out of it. Is he down the hallway? Something doing. He's doing downstairs. Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Starting point is 00:42:28 Oh, that doesn't sound good. Ugh. Ah! Hachoo! I don't dare me. Dissue. Oh my God. That dust, I got no allergic reaction to that at all.
Starting point is 00:43:14 He's doing that. Yes, yes, yes, exactly what I wanted. Please continue. Zung Zung! It has never been more happy to be alive. This is absolutely fantastic. Look, he's got the right idea. I'm still completely naked, only now I'm hairless.
Starting point is 00:43:43 It's even morphering without the hair. This is who Torbeck was the whole time. Torbeck can only hope. Well, I mean, it's weird that, I mean... Gideon, roll a D20 from a place. If Torbeck had to experience the pain of death and the infinite abyss to experience this, well, it was all worth it.
Starting point is 00:44:04 19. Tobeck, I'm about to blow your mind. When you refer to yourself, try saying, I, Torback. Let's try again. I, Torback. I mean, the completely different word, you understand, like it's two syllables versus one. There's no consonants in what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:44:36 You're saying like three consonants. No, how about this? Try saying me. Torbek. I'm not sure why this is relevant in the fucking slightest. I'm trying to just give them a sense of ownership of itself. Oh. Work, work, work.
Starting point is 00:44:55 I'm going to come in. And over my shoulder is a bunch of shards of, like, dresser and, like, lots of deities. Shattered, planks of wood. Shattered planks of wood, shattered porcelain. And I'm just going to go, I'm just going to awkwardly walk with the shuffling, walking animation over to Frost bed and just chuck it on. there. Oh, thank you, Grico. That's where that goes. Swir-T-Wir.
Starting point is 00:45:20 And I'm to turn around. Something you're doing? I'm going back and just smashing this shit out of him. Well, Grico seems busy. Um, I mean, is that Grico? I don't really know anymore in terms of identity. You still think you're a Torbeck.
Starting point is 00:45:42 Of course. Torbeck is Torbeck. You would think that, right? but I mean, if you would have died and come back, who's to say you're even the same person? What if that person that died is really dead? And when you came back, you were given all those memories. Tobac does not like this strain of frost. No, Torbeck. No, no, stop.
Starting point is 00:46:05 You must be totally stop. Do not torture Tobolbeck like this. And as this is happening, Gideon, you were staring at Torbeck. And your eyes drift down to his... clearly waxed physique and you realize that where nipples should be are two spinning torbeck heads. You're spinning and spinning and spinning and you don't quite know why. And then as you look up, you realize that are those tentacles coming out of the ceiling as you were overcome by psychedelic hallucinations?
Starting point is 00:46:36 Are they like actual doorback heads? Yes. Like bug beared bear. Oh my. Oh my. Idiot, are you all right? You're staring at Torback very strangely. I'm looking you right in the face, man.
Starting point is 00:46:50 No, please, Giddykin, Torbeck's faces up here. Uh, oh, oh, oh, no, man. Oh, you gotta see the tentacles coming out of the ceiling? Oh my God. Idiin's definitely not gone. You pull on your face and you realize it's melting. Your face is made of wax. It liked Guy from Sin City.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Oh, fuck. Oh, somebody stopped the nipples from spending so much. And the tentacles from having their way with me. Gideon, you're probably not having hallucinace her. Oh, God, dear. Are you been stricken with second side or do you just take drugs? No. What?
Starting point is 00:47:44 It's a close. Come on. Come on, help me out here. Yeah, I'll try anything at this point, man. Tentacles, this broke, man. Yes, Gideon, the time is now. Please join us. Gets naked.
Starting point is 00:47:56 Okay. Okay, Monkeys. Okay, whatever do you say. You hope Gideon get naked, and it's right around this time that Twiga comes upstairs. She's wearing very large gardening gloves. She's got a beekeeper's helmet,
Starting point is 00:48:11 or beekeeper's hood over her head. It is over her bonoenix. her bonnet too. She has her pair of glasses on, but over that she has a pair of goggles. She's wearing what appear to be overly dirty overalls and big, big, like, water boots. Oh, fuck, the Fator Rollins are here to blast this home. Oh, my God! Do you not need your help? She looks between all of you as she reaches into a pouch at the side, at the side of her of her hip.
Starting point is 00:48:49 And why is it a wrecked now, Derek? Something about beekeeper helmet on it? Wow, Frost, that's that's even far for tobacco. What is? Please, please,
Starting point is 00:49:08 be careful what you can point to that thing. Point one thing. Oh, fuck, when did a run I'll get here? I have since basically made several trips, and the entire rest of the camera I went to, The wreckage is on frostbed. I'm just been standing there.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Something you doing? The room starts to melt away as it swirls around the orc is sitting in like a Buddha seat as the colors swirl together. Hello, hello, hello. Is there anybody in there? As the orpion head started like
Starting point is 00:49:48 and starts singing pink foil again. We haven't damaged your house. We do not need any help at this time. She completely ignores you as she looks around. She sees her in being completely destroyed, and she pulls out a very large sunflower, and she begins to squeeze the stem of the sunflower, and it begins to squirt rainwater all over all of you.
Starting point is 00:50:18 And she is just raining, rainwater all over me. Me, not that kind of art. I hope this doesn't fix it. You should up. Stop being around. I hope it doesn't awaken anything, right? And she just, she just spraying you all. And as you feel the water washing over you,
Starting point is 00:50:37 at first you're alarmed by it, but you eventually feel yourself coming to your senses. And your penis nose goes away. The feeling of needing to lie goes away. Oh. You still want to eat human bones. But the hallucinations are washed away. As, and DM, feel free to say that this doesn't happen.
Starting point is 00:51:01 I'm not done explaining what's going on. You feel yourself come back to normal. You are ashamed now that you are not wearing any clothes, and you see that your clothes are in tatters on Grico's gigantic orc form. No! Grico, you are Grico, but your body does not. change back into that of a goblin, but you retain your Grico mind. You still do it.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Similar thing happens to you as well, Torbeck. You feel that you were Torbeck, but your body is still that of a spring Eladron. Oh, no, please don't turn Torbeck back to... Oh. What? That's very sad. It's a little sad. It sounds like you're back a little bit, at least a little.
Starting point is 00:52:15 You're no longer Gorko. I wanted to make that joke earlier, but I was a liar. Me need. Twig, thank you for ignoring me. I couldn't tell the truth, and I had no way of getting around that problem and ask for help. Glicko destroyed the main room of the inn. I'm sorry. My life's work has been splintered and just...
Starting point is 00:52:50 Surely Torback and the rest of his friends can help you. I know I can. I will make this right. I have the ability to mend as you saw. He smashed all of my hot Jones. Every last one. Oh, it's just all on Frosty's bird. You killed 32 Hot Jones?
Starting point is 00:53:10 Yeah, you're going to have to dig some more graves out bad. Oh, it's not splinters. It's not Grico's blood. It is just Jones blood. Oh, yeah, tiny ribs. Tiny, tiny ribs. Good as new. I don't think Greg goes back.
Starting point is 00:53:26 I think he's a Muppet or something. Are we all... Do you have any more of that sunflower? Are you able to help the rest of my friends return back to their normal state? Help! Help, Torbeck does not need any help. I can help with whatever ails you mentally, but your physical transformation,
Starting point is 00:53:46 I don't know why a penis went away. I think it's because I didn't want you to sneeze anymore, and I wished for it really hard. What penis? The only issue I had was that I couldn't call the truth. What do you mean? Oh, my God. You had a giant tag of penis growing out of your toes.
Starting point is 00:54:04 Giant penis? Mm. Mm. Can everyone put some fucking clothes on? I grab my hat and I'm just like holding it. In front of my nether region. Why is your sleeve stuck together like it's glued? What?
Starting point is 00:54:23 Grico cannot help that Kremi has extra tight fans. This is just how Griko stands now. This looks like a fucking roll of gold coin. It's a nightmare. It's like if you were to put a thong over an elephant. Yes. Their head, though, you know? I suddenly feel like spaghetti dinner.
Starting point is 00:54:48 Can you put my clothes back together for a house? Oh, yes, I'll be in there. I don't know what happened. to you. Never do that in my house ever again? We weren't able to control ourselves, and as I'm talking, I'm using my psionic abilities to re-stitch where the tears are and working peppers back together. You owe me. Take my fucking pants off.
Starting point is 00:55:14 That is terrific. Torbeck is alarmed. I think we should all just be really pleased and happy that Hootsey's been downstairs the whole time. She's in a corner of the room. Down the downstairs, you know, like a business with a hard cut to Tutsi's doing a paint by number. Downstairs. Background or Grico was like, whoa. She's matching the cabinet.
Starting point is 00:55:50 She's like, oh, that's fine. It's so big. Hmm? Oh, me and decent. Miko put on clothes. Be careful, Dway. Step back. I think three quarters your height.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Hurry it up, Fros. I don't get dressed. It takes as long as it's going to take. I'm working as fast as I can, but there's a limit. Yeah, take some of this pillow for it, man. Rub yourself up. For what you've done to my house. Put your shirt back on gear.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Have some respect. Oh, God. I forgot I was completely naked. Well, I don't know if I got you all the way undress. At least pause. No, try toga. It's very freeing. Torbeck was very thorough. My pants are off.
Starting point is 00:56:59 Oh, that's absolutely. I understand that all you want to talk about is the fact that you're naked, but you've destroyed my hunts. Yeah, Gideon, you destroy house. Stop talking. Okay. Look, let me. Oh, like, I'm going to get to work right away at redeeming ourselves. No, that's not what's going to do it.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Okay. And I want to go on an area. adventure. Okay. Well, say the word. We're kings of adventure. What kind of adventure would you do? I know. Where are you guys going to next? We had a couple of them. To find new tailor. Where do you buy pants, Gercow? Where's this, uh, where's this end currently walking to? I mean, that's kind of our biggest hang up. I was where you said you guys had to go next. Yeah. Well, we can't find telling me how it's
Starting point is 00:57:56 nowhere to be found. Wait, is telling me he'll before or after we're going to meet with this bear and prince of him. Oh, we got to find Greta the Goblin. What was the name? Jingle Jingle Jingle the Goblin. No, that was good. I think it was Grixie or something. No, it was Jingle Jingle. No, the one with all the keys. The Pixies?
Starting point is 00:58:17 I think one of your wives is named Grixie. Oh, that's entirely possible. I can only keep about three or four from my head at once, and even then. Torbeck is slightly out of the loop. Torbeck, of course, has no home or know what to go, so Torbeck is more than happy to accompany all of his best friends. Just fill Torbeck in, please. I'm still completely naked.
Starting point is 00:58:40 So why? Gricka wants to fit in. I just dropped my choga. Very well, Gricka. Thunk. Oh, my. Well. Oh, me.
Starting point is 00:58:55 Elephant. Is that the sunflower again? See my tron. It makes sense that we can't find the goblin named Jingle-Jangle. The Tell me Hill, I understand, is a moving hill. Yes. The Tell me Hill is, the best way to describe it is, it is a hill d'Aboos. Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Oh, so the hill itself is essentially an entity. Okay. And it is, it can't talk for something, the hell, you know. Okay. She gets that in some of the show. I was almost there.
Starting point is 00:59:42 She snaps her fingers, and you watch as, as Pig Tuna makes her way over to Grico and snorts all over you, and you find that you are unable to speak. He's still totally made it. The only one concerned that Grickle might be having a stroke.
Starting point is 01:00:09 No, he does this sometimes. Don't worry about you. Usually it only happens that when you punch him in the face once and he starts to do this. It's a possible pig to him just broke his jaw. She spit on him and it broke his jaw.
Starting point is 01:00:24 He's a little bit of a light feather, you know, as it is. He looks pretty rough. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't mind if you actually broke his jaw, you know, for good measures. No. He's not talking. If I break his jaw, he's going to start selling bopsicles. As you breathe in this strange pig magic, you feel your body shrink down and you become a goblin, but you're still silenced.
Starting point is 01:00:48 All right. Torbeck thinks it's extra important that he mentioned something right this instant. Please keep the pig far away from Torback. This is an incredible upgrade for Torback. Very rarely does anything go well for Torback. This is going very well. Torback would like to stay like this. Oh, I have no control over that. But sure. Picturingian doesn't have to go anywhere near you. You're fine, I guess. Anyway, telling me hill is a hill, right?
Starting point is 01:01:17 And it's a sentient hill, but it can't talk because it's a hill. That would be really weird. It's a sentient hill? Yeah, totally. That's why I moves around. It is a hill that is a creature, or is it a hill that is... It has the capacity for thought, and how do we know this? How have you heard this?
Starting point is 01:01:36 Oh, because it is covered with willow trees, and it talks to people through the willow trees. And Jingle Jangle is on Tellem Hill. Yeah, Jingle Jangle has a house at the very top of Telling Me Hill. It's not really a house as much as it is a cave with a keyhole-shaped door, and she's become best friends with Telling Hill. They protect each other and stuff. And the last I heard, a little birdie told me this, and I do mean that. It was a birdie that came over and told me.
Starting point is 01:02:04 apparently there were some hair gone ruffians out and about and they had cost a jingle jangle they stole some of her keys they called her a bunch of mean things pushed her around she was really sad and crying so she ran up to the hell and she hasn't left her little house ever since well that's very important information I'm glad you told us all of that in spite of our behavior and appearance you looked like you were really out of your minds
Starting point is 01:02:34 I want to blame you for what you did But your nose was a penis You're not even who you used to be I don't believe Everyone was making at one point And I just feel like I just feel like as much as I want to be really mad And I did almost bogart out downstairs
Starting point is 01:02:54 I can't be as mad as I want to be Because I don't know what happened to you And I think it might have been my fault I don't have any recollection of having a nose penis but everyone seems to be in agreement. No, you did. Here's, here's... Now you smell like those trees that smell exactly like penis.
Starting point is 01:03:13 And your sleeve is just stuck together. Oh, do you mean? In the spring, it smells like spurn? Yeah, you got, they're like spurn trees. You smell just like it. I hate those trees. They're all over this awful place in the Faywild. It's actually...
Starting point is 01:03:26 It's actually... No, there's this horrible place in the Faywild just in the Merkin Draw called Peiwild. Pennsylvania, and those trees are everywhere. It's all over Pennsylvania and the Merkandraw, man. My God, this is a real thing? Oh, yeah, sperm trees? Yeah, it smells just like them. That's how you know you had a penis nose.
Starting point is 01:03:46 Yeah, when they're blooming in the spring, well, it's never really the spring in the Merkin draw. They're just awful trees. They smell like sperm. Twixie, I kind of assume you've been in here all by yourself. I'm surprised you know what sperm trees smell like, but... Well, so here's the first. So here's the thing.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Before the hag showed up and splintered Prismere into their three horrific little realms of their own, it used to be a really beautiful place. And at the end of the road used to be able to go everywhere. I could go all over the Fay Wild if I wanted to. I mean, I stuck to Prismere, but I could go all over it if I wanted to. Now I'm stuck in hither, and I'm never going to be able to get out. Ever. Well, we can probably change that. That's the plan.
Starting point is 01:04:38 After what I watched today, I don't think you'll be able to accomplish anything of value. Grigo? Can you speak to you, me, in your mind? Am I able to do that? That depends. Wait, quick, closely. It looks like you were trying to say something, and I don't like to do charades, as you know. Charrades are really fun.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Well, there's a time of place. It's lucky, you know, when you're meeting with Lodge, the new couple. in town and you don't have anything. No, you can't hear anything. No, you reach out, but it's like his mind has been silence. The magic of silence is broken, broken mind ability to communicate with you, Grico.
Starting point is 01:05:15 I see that you need something, but you can buy my popsicle anywhere. You see the sound of wind whistling through a game. Grigo, Grigo, Grico, Briko, Twiggo. This is hugely important information. When you say you want to go on an adventure with us, do you want us to perhaps make pretend and simulate an adventure here, or are you looking to join our party and go on a quest?
Starting point is 01:05:47 Yeah, I was thinking that I would pack up the end at the end of the road. I mean, never get any visitors anyway outside of you guys in the longest time. So I figured I'd just pack it up and just travel with you for a while. Can we just use the end to get around, you know, instead of walking, to the swamp. This seems a lot easier. In's really slow. In's really slow, Grammy.
Starting point is 01:06:13 How far we moved since this started? Like, not at all. We could have walked three to four times the distance that the ends made. Well, I think we know why we haven't found. Tell me, Hill. We're still in the same fucking spot with where we started.
Starting point is 01:06:25 Only five minutes have passed. My milk is still warm. This has been a crazy five minutes. But the thing is you were able to get a long rest what you couldn't have done if you were walking on your feet. That's right. I mean, that's very true.
Starting point is 01:06:40 It's the best in both worlds. But it has a lot of good things about it. Oh, really had a time crunch? I mean, this is just awfully nice. Cremie will walk, get exercise, we'll be able to talk and see the sights of Prismere, and then we'll have an inn every single time we decide to stop. Did you just a hand?
Starting point is 01:06:56 Did you sneeze in your milk? It has a weird film on the top. I thought that you frosted it, but I do see now what has happened. Torbeck is with Mr. Krami. Torbeck agrees. Torbeck has no plans, past, present or future. Torback has never really had plans with anyone outside of guys' nights. Torback is in.
Starting point is 01:07:32 When I was in a rush. Well, and he's a perfect example. I mean, the only thing that's a time crunch for us was getting back to Garu and paying off our debt. But we had like a month to do that. He was in the Fay Wild for like an hour without us, and he's been there for years. Don't remind you, Tomi. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:49 Well, sorry about that. They remind me about Gru. Well, all I'm saying is, we might be able to be here for, like, we can be here for like, you know, 20 years and it'll be like maybe a week in the real world. You want to stay with me for 20 years? No, no, that's not what I said. Tollbeck was in a crippling mind prison. Twig, listen, man. It would not be a burden to stay with you for 20 years.
Starting point is 01:08:09 You're very sweet. Thanks, boss. I mean, I honestly wouldn't mind it. I mean, this could be our base of operations. We can relax, hang out, have a drink, have a drink. I haven't smoke. We can chat, plate cards. Torbeck can't remember the last time he had milk that wasn't sour or chunky.
Starting point is 01:08:24 Well, he can't get the milk anymore. He went downstairs and broke straight into the cabinet, all of it's on the floor. No, we're going to fix all that. We can just use wizard magic and just... Can't... Frost can do that. He can just do... You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:08:37 Well, he killed all the Johns, okay? We can't have any more Hot Joneses. Well, yeah, the Joneses did. Oh, here's the thing, okay? Do you hear that? Yes. There's someone yelling at the... the night.
Starting point is 01:08:49 Who she must have completed one of her one of her drawings. Yeah. Paint by numbers. Anyway, you're not really welcome here anymore.
Starting point is 01:09:05 That was brutal even by Tollbeck standards. Oh, I guess we did sort of wreck the place twice. Yeah. They're packing up and come with you on an adventure. But... Yeah, we can do that.
Starting point is 01:09:19 You're really, gonna have to work for it if you want to stay back in this place again because he was unhinged he was Grico unchained when he was downstairs oh no the hags are out hmm well perhaps it was one of those owls no fucking way it's tom right he couldn't have made it to the faywild tom if it's fucking tom from outside of outside of magical place oh do you mean old musical time Oh, fuck, it could be Tom, man. Oh, wow. I forgot about Tom.
Starting point is 01:09:55 Just saying that the top of his fucking lungs while we were getting the prelude to our big quest. Fucking Tom. Just out in the fucking middle of the pumpkin patch, singing, like not a damn care of the world. Shut the fuck up, Tom. The tourback's not sure, but that sounds pretty whimsical to tourback. Yeah, I've been looking...
Starting point is 01:10:10 I haven't heard Tom seen outside of this place in probably 200 years. Wow. We will earn your trust again, Quay. I hope so. And is there anything that I can, if there's anything extra special before we pack it up,
Starting point is 01:10:27 that you would like repaired immediately, I'm happy to do it now. My entire main floor? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was pretty fucked up. You should have seen him. I was standing there in front of the hearth, and he was just slamming his head and everything,
Starting point is 01:10:45 drooling all over the place. I could hear it. Yeah, he picked up one of the meat cutters, and he was using it like an act. and trying to chop down a pillar in my house like it was a tree. He really zug-zugged. Oh, man. He sure did.
Starting point is 01:11:02 You gotta know when he gets in a state like that, you got to grab a blackjack and just whack him over the back. That's straighten him right out. Not tall enough. And I was too scared to go full boggart. Oh, yeah. You have no way to put him back how he was? He is how he is.
Starting point is 01:11:20 He's a little tiny goblin, already said. Wait. Is he the goblin currently? You can look at him right now. Why he's keeping, why he's continuing to make that face? I don't know. Well, I think it's because he's big spit on him.
Starting point is 01:11:33 He fucking melted his mind. No, it's because he finished my milk. He was silenced, and then he lobomized him with big snuck, you know? I think that might be why his face doesn't work too good no more. To be very,
Starting point is 01:11:52 he died twice and less than a minute. It could have been that. It could have been that. Do you think that he's in a state now? I mean, his head's lolling all over the place, so I'm thinking no. But do you think he'll eventually get to a state where I can unsilience him?
Starting point is 01:12:08 I do know how to solve this problem. Let's take him downstairs and we'll get him with Hootsie and he'll be back to his normal good nature itself. Oh, Hootsie. one of the casualties of his world Graham page
Starting point is 01:12:24 What are you talking about right now? He hit her in the head with a cabinet Oh my gosh He hit our niece in the head With a cabinet A whole cabinet while she was painting And color of mine Full of plates and other
Starting point is 01:12:41 ceramic wares Yes Is she okay? We gotta take a look at her immediately She doesn't matter what is happening Why didn't you leave with that? Is this like the pumpkin? Is this like the peanut allergy? Or Hoots, he's been like, oh, somebody saved.
Starting point is 01:12:58 Somebody saved me. Here you fucking the bottom of Ozden. And Hootzie's been down there for 25 minutes? I have exactly 26 minutes to live, who? Quickly go. This is quite the development. There's a timer. There's just an or...
Starting point is 01:13:24 A smash. hole in the floor. The last few eyes blinking. And Hootze is this young. Can we make a break before? We might have a fan. Yeah. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:13:38 What a fucking whirlwind that was. Yes, you have just been informed that in his rage, or in his work, his, his heavy work ethic. Because his fervor for work. His fervor for work. I come to and I'll say, Oh, I can't speak. I'll still say,
Starting point is 01:13:58 Oh, Hootsie, where is she? I'm afraid in your rage, you killed her. No. I had to. I had to. I helped by being one of the crumpled. What is that from? It's the end of spoilers for...
Starting point is 01:14:32 For episode three. rise of the attack of the Siff of the Ryan Johnson. The Menace Sith. It's very hard to say, menace Sith. That's the title. The Menes Sith. That was my original working title for the boss in Arc 2, but here we are. It sounds like a Lord of the Rings elf's elf name.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Come along, menethysts. What are you sue with your Elf? It's menace. We'll ride Shadowfire. Charno, Chappar. Chah, ha. Shut on. Minas Tennis. Are we gonna play D&D?
Starting point is 01:15:11 Can we get some... Hold on. Hold on. So one more time, it's a... Caboosh. What is your ooze anisee? Okay, that's that. That's...
Starting point is 01:15:22 That is... Did it? Ask me if he did... I guess you're made a liquid, so that's your choice. And so I took a glowing juggle ball and shoved it up one anus to go out the other one. Yeah, the Kiff is. She's not made. I'm so confident.
Starting point is 01:15:59 She's dead. Here's the thing. This is my fault, and not even because I gave them the twist of dreads, but because I sat them down beforehand, and I said, we don't need to progress really quickly with the story today. I want Torbeck to get more acquainted with everyone, rebuild that bond. And so everyone got naked. And frost came in his milk.
Starting point is 01:16:28 Yes, that's why they call me morning froth now. I'm just going to steal your jokes. You put the jokes in and I look like a million dollars. I think half of my jokes you just stole. Yeah, yeah. You're the wrong as you put it as soon as it leaves your royalty. I need a better seat to steal jokes. Oh, you've got a dread if you want to run it back in.
Starting point is 01:16:50 Over my right. Hey guys, this podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of a ventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas. Shroud over Saltmo. You can also go to the crooked moon.com and pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror dome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition.
Starting point is 01:17:40 And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice and miniatures and plushies, a tarot deck and more. Torbeck thanks you. You are upstairs at the inn at the end of the road, and you've just been informed by Twig that Hootsie did suffer a casualty in the Grico... This is my fault, yeah. Destruction phase. It's going to be all right, Griko.
Starting point is 01:18:18 Outsi? Outsi. And I look and try to get a sense of whether or something. she's... Oh, you're heading downstairs? Oh, God, she's unresponsive. Hootsey. I'm yelling her name as I run down. You yell her name and you hear her hooting
Starting point is 01:18:32 gently. She's still alive, Grigo, come on. Grigo, you can speak now. For how long is up to you? Oh, they want to feel like they dod twice. Tollback dots, yes. Froston, I tried to tell you with my mind, with those terrible Pennsylvania trees. No wonder they call it the Merck in draws.
Starting point is 01:19:09 It's very funny, Rico. Your daughter is perhaps bleeding out. Grillo, his daughter is this possible brain trauma downstairs. No, that would never open. Not in my anger. I would never hurt her. You're a liar. Liar.
Starting point is 01:19:26 I'm gonna run down. I'm first to the main floor where I'm sure it's chaos. You get to the main floor and it is absolutely chaos. The area that you remember seeing where Twig had gone to make you all of your drinks that was organized and she had her stepstools has completely been splintered. The cabinets have been ripped from the walls. The bar table is split in two. The chairs have been thrown this way and that. there are liquids from all types of beverages that are just coating every surface you can possibly find.
Starting point is 01:20:00 The four wooden tables and chairs that had been there are all smashed into wooden pieces. And Hootsie is laying off to the side next to the roaring hearth. And you can see that she has a small bandage wrapped around her head and there's pieces of splintered wood all around her. It looks like Twig had administered some first aid. and she is licking at her paws and making little hooting noises. Oh, hootsey! Oh, my gosh, did you see that terrible orc that was in here? Don't worry. Papa killed him. I tortured him and he is dead. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Starting point is 01:20:44 She snuggles up next to you and she hoots and owl purrs. I don't know what it sounds like. she doesn't seem to understand that the orc and her father are the one in the same. Oh, look at her. Oh, you can read right through me, Hootie. Yes, it was me. Oh, I'm sorry. You, gosh, your inside score is so high. You can just read me like a book.
Starting point is 01:21:13 Oh, I'm sorry, Hoosie. I was on drugs, not intentionally. Hucci was a lot of drugs, all right? It's not his fault. Oh, gosh. We're really high. Yeah. She looks up at you with her round,
Starting point is 01:21:26 um, owl bear eyes and she, uh, nuzzles into you with her beak and, um, and Hoots. Oh God. Gosh,
Starting point is 01:21:35 Hootsie, you were just the best. You are so forgiving. I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you? So remember, don't ever, when you look at,
Starting point is 01:21:42 uh, Papa and all of your uncles acting a fool, uh, remember, uh, remember what Mr. Uh, says don't do sleep get eight hours of drugs
Starting point is 01:22:01 And then stay in school man. That's the last piece to eight hours of drugs and stay in school That's how I'm going to do school. Yes Hootsey I don't see any of the tiny corpses of hot Jones around here Did you consume all 32 of the other hot Jones? Yes Well done you look down and you can see the end As she is, she's taken her beak and plunged down on part of Grico's shirt and is dragging his almost unconscious body closer to the fire. As she begins to snuggle up with him, you see that she moves part of her, her haunches in there as a small pile of Jones bones. I'd be like an owl pellet for him.
Starting point is 01:22:50 There's a bunch of brown paper out. Old bay Like corn and sausage Riggas A nati bones A little plastic container of melted butter We're going down
Starting point is 01:23:08 Oh Hootsie's good to see 100% Take one of these Huh, two on this bone I give her a human bone She begins She wants to chew on it
Starting point is 01:23:20 Ah yeah same Oh Is it well Are you really sure you can't stop yourself from doing that. Well, I haven't tried, but I don't often try and stop myself from doing things, you know. Sometimes you've got to live life in the moment, Frosty. You can't get caught up in, you know, responsibilities or consequences.
Starting point is 01:23:40 You just got to, you know, grab life by the balls and shake it around. Long term. Your body can't break down those bones. Do you know what's going to happen long term to your system? What? No. I live my life, you know, just like. like a couple seconds at a time um i don't know much about a genie biz but he is half a
Starting point is 01:24:02 fridi isn't it like a blast furnace down there yeah i think once i put it in it just i'm probably sure this all goes to straight charcoal you know yeah i hope so otherwise passing a whole femur and i mean tollbex's diet is 30 percent bones told be fine thus far yeah i got a fire in my belly so we're all good So she's not going to die No All right So this adventure
Starting point is 01:24:33 Here eat a banana Oh no haven't you looked so skimmy Oh Even after all those hot Joneses you ate She had 32 hot jones She had 32 whole babies Oh it's a skim possible That's good
Starting point is 01:24:50 I couldn't possibly have a 30 Oh Before we go... She looks like the chunky cat on the... Oh, Lord! He's coming. Oh, no. Um, do you have a doggie bag
Starting point is 01:25:05 for the, uh, several remaining lukewarm Joneses? Um, Strewing about her, just lower abs and upper-house. And there's actually a couple of room temperature Joneses. Uh, so I don't know if you have a hootsy bag for that. Um, well, considering you destroyed most of the day after, deserve my house, no. Ah.
Starting point is 01:25:29 Oh, well, we'll just throw it in the rat snack bag. Are you sure that I can't repair at least a few of these special trinkets for you? Well, I never said not to. I thought that you were prohibiting us from... No, no, no, no, no. I just said that that's not enough to make up for the strife that you've put me through today. I don't get to work right away. I'll pull my robe sleeves up and I will...
Starting point is 01:25:56 immediately start to go to the shelf now that I understand you have her permission. And I will, it's like putting together the world's largest puzzle. All these trinket pieces have been crashed into one another, and I'm like figuring out what piece goes to what end, using mending as much as possible to try and rubik's cube them back into their configuration. So, this is really awkward now. Hanging out here while your owl bear eats pixie bones and your genocene eats human. Well, I mean, she's carnivorous, and I guess so is he, sort of.
Starting point is 01:26:33 Yeah, and I'm hungry. You've nothing that can, like, get everybody 100% back to normal. Oh, so is he. Mr. Krembe, let's not beat you hasty here, please. Torbeck is very happy. Torbeck can't remember the last time he's been this happy. There's no need to rush into anything. It doesn't feel right, Tolbeck, you know?
Starting point is 01:26:50 It feels like... Torbeck disagrees. Torbeck thinks that nothing's ever felt more right. What does his spring Eladron look like? I guess I would be, well, not as tall as Torbeck, but tall and thin and very handsome. Oh, I'm green, apparently. Thank you for letting me know. Your hairs intermixed with ivy and plant.
Starting point is 01:27:14 And I'm very clearly waxed. I was told I was waxed. Beautiful male poison ivy. Like the statue of David. Yeah, actually very, yeah, male poison ivy is probably great. And I'm also still naked. Nobody touched me. Torback doesn't see any reason to change or revert back to regular Torbeck.
Starting point is 01:27:33 This is improved Torbeck. Well, I mean Torbeck, it's nice that you feel so passionate about it. But, you know, can you at least put on some pants? I don't want to trap you in some terrible Tollbeck mind prison. Torbeck cannot put on any pants, Gricko. Torbeck cannot. Okay, well, okay. I'm going to go this way.
Starting point is 01:27:56 Hootzie. Let's get your paint and bar numbers out of here. Let's clear away all the splinters. Oh, I've found it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's good as new. Good as, oh, there's Hot Jones blood on it. Oh, here you go.
Starting point is 01:28:12 Oh, it's a very pretty kitty. Good job. You've seen you've colored in the lines. You made of that Faywild Taffy? Huh? You got a taffy that, like, you know, has magical properties? No.
Starting point is 01:28:24 Oh, do you have any pig snot? What? Oh, you want pig tuna? You want pig tuna to blow a nose all over you? Yeah? Torbeck, yeah. Okay. No, no, no, no, please.
Starting point is 01:28:38 Torbeck does not want any pig snots. I know that sounds out of the ordinary for Torbeck, but no, Torbeck does not want any pig snots over it. Sure. Would you do it for a pig tuna snack? What? Would you do for two? big tunia snacks.
Starting point is 01:28:58 I don't want to eat pig tunia. No, snacks full pig tunia. Oh. I shake a box. Suddenly it just says big tuna on it. In like comics. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:09 It's like very strange. It's like it's very, it's the opening of Avatar. The highest ghosting film of all time. As papyrus. You can bring the bag on that lot license. So here's the thing.
Starting point is 01:29:31 If Twilbeck doesn't want Piction to do it, I'm not going to have Pitchin you do it because that would be me. Well, then it's settled. Well, I think the problem, Twigsie, is if you want to go on this... Why didn't you keep calling me Twigsie? Oh, I just kind of thought it was like a cute name, you know? Oh, okay, I like it then. Yeah, you know, you're pretty cute and small and it was kind of like, you know, it implies like a fun size, you know. Oh.
Starting point is 01:29:53 You know, Twigsy. Yeah, Twigsy. Yeah. So if you want to go on an adventure with us, it's going to be very difficult if he stays naked and handsome. Mainly because as he is, well, I'm getting to that. And as he's in this form, he keeps, for whatever reason, swaying right to left. And as he's doing that, I think he's using his unseemly manhood to hypnotize Greco. I mean, it's kind of like the statue of David.
Starting point is 01:30:19 It's just kind of like out there. It's not like, you know, it's not like big green. He's little green. Now, now, it's very important to state that Torbeck giving up his abnormally large manhood for this beauty is 100% worth it. Yeah, why are you doing that weird swam from side to side? Torbeck does not know. It just feels right.
Starting point is 01:30:41 Why are you winking at me? Make you think it stop. Here it lies the problem. I don't have any way to make it stop. I only have one. summer shower flower and it did all it could. Summer shower flower. Oh no, not one of these, please.
Starting point is 01:31:02 Just one session. No, no, it's about a nice rain shower who's so fun. No, it's all right, no. We're gonna end this, lot of all. Summer flowers now. No, no, yeah. Twosies words.
Starting point is 01:31:15 Oh, look, oh, it's now like mostly cool Jones. Mostly cool. Like fucking Gereens. At the bottom of the bag, the shattered out of it. The dust. The blood is actually started to solidify, and it's just like flaking off. Oh, I got the hot Jones tube. I'm just, I can't, ugh.
Starting point is 01:31:39 You know, even though I'm a gob in my hands are unreasonably big. I should have used chopsticks. Oh, yeah. Frost can probably help you, use his mind. Oh, yeah. Can you get the rest of those cool Joneses out of the... An invisible mage hand, dexiously takes out the mostly cool Jones one at a time for you. It's just the torso.
Starting point is 01:32:01 Oh. Man, you know, this whole adventure's been unusually macabre, but I'm kind of into it. Just one moment, and I go in and I get all five fingers like bugles. It's like the Gary Goodberry pubbing. But you just see five tors flowing. It's an invisible hand. So they're just all... What happens when you say yes and to the things that they do?
Starting point is 01:32:36 So let's go on that adventure. What are you thinking? How long it's not up to me to decide. Oh. So any kind of adventure will do? As long as it's of sufficient adventuring quality. We're going to go to Telling Me Hill, right? Well, I thought we couldn't find Telling Me Hill.
Starting point is 01:32:55 Nope. Well, okay. No, we got to look for it. then. That's what Torbeck thinks, that we must begin the search somewhere, correct? All right, well, now and ever, huh? Well, hey, are we not worried that this whole dream thing that we started talking about two and a half hours ago? We never got past the first point of it. That was 23 minutes.
Starting point is 01:33:16 Oh, yeah, can we unpack that real quick? Well, I wanted to, but then he saw it, he sprouted a penis and... He sneezed all over the place. He did not sprout a penis. Everyone got naked. You died. You died. Oh, twice.
Starting point is 01:33:28 You wanted to kill him again when they were pregnant. For some reason, I felt the need to just tell everyone that I was walking there. I don't know why. Why was I walking anywhere? What questions do you have about the dream?
Starting point is 01:33:44 It seems that we all got the same information. Oh, Torbeck, do you recognize that doctor-looking fellow with a large mustache? Oh, yes, that's a good question. Drawback. Would prefer to perhaps a drink and forget. anyone
Starting point is 01:34:00 anyone toorbeck are joining touby it's not a no no I'm always down drinking forget no no no you don't remember when he said we must collect all the energy sources immediately oh tooback do you not remember that
Starting point is 01:34:14 Torbeck's memory much like his old body is still very fuzzy are you sure you remember nothing we can always have the pig sneeze on you if you're lying Torbeck is remembering give torbeck a moment
Starting point is 01:34:30 I never seen this kind on Haywild or ever before Torbeck is getting bits and pieces back the faces of those individuals are familiar to Torbeck
Starting point is 01:34:47 but Torbeck isn't sure how or why well I think the thing we got to fucking address is it seems to me that's the guy we saw when we got face mask, horse masks and whatever kind of mask you had. It's the same fucking dude. Set him up with the witch
Starting point is 01:35:04 light biz and they're talking about. They know exactly where he's at and they're tracking him. They know where we are right now. I mean, we're being hunting, probably. Torbeck's memories are painful and Torbeck is most upset that perhaps Torbeck has
Starting point is 01:35:20 put all of us in danger yet again. Do you remember what a barn owl, anything about a barn owl? Not who She's a great horned owl. I try to recollect if there is any other owl motif in my memory
Starting point is 01:35:35 outside of what we saw at the end of the fight. Roll an intelligence check since it's memory base. Sure, give me one second. I just have to pull up my character sheet. Oh. Oh. Wait just straight in.
Starting point is 01:35:52 Is that first roll the name? Torbeck has rolled a 12? You think and you see flashes of magenta light. You hear that same sound of the boots on stone. But there are many pairs of these boots. You hear the grumbling of dwarven voices, but in a language you don't understand. And you feel the pain of... a hot liquid being pumped into your veins.
Starting point is 01:36:32 Oh, the boots. But you do not, as you try to pull anything from your memory, and pull nothing about an hour. Torbeck cannot recall anything about owls. No, nothing. What was the boots? Yes, marching, marching perhaps, boots. Languages Torbeck doesn't understand.
Starting point is 01:36:56 Oh. Nothing out of the ordinary Torbeck doesn't understand very much. Gideon and I saw boots of that strange Mistachio doctorman. Yeah, he was wearing boots. Yeah, I don't like this customer. He also
Starting point is 01:37:10 was a little bit of a sniveling henchman. A little bit cliche from our tastes. Definitely cliche. Is it possible that the dreams we had was a side effect of the mental manipulation of the various gases and fluids that Tolbeck subjected us to?
Starting point is 01:37:28 Did we all get injected? Oh, gasped. I didn't inject. Frosty went down. Torbeck simply remembers flash of light. Hmm. Yeah, inject me, but he cut me in half and killed me, and
Starting point is 01:37:42 the coffee brought me back. You weren't dead, dead. I mean, you know, you know, you blacked out for a second. You know what I mean? Yeah. It does remind me. Well, yes, Torbeck? Well, no, no, Torbeck did not mean to interrupt.
Starting point is 01:37:58 Torbeck understands that in Torbeck's terrifying beauty, it's hard to take Torbeck seriously, but Torbeck does have something. And Torbeck will reach into, you're not really sure where. He reaches in and he pulls out a piece of paper. It looks like paper. It's faded. It's crumpled. It's folded over. And you all realize that it is a...
Starting point is 01:38:24 an old faded witchlight carnival ticket. Torbeck was able to hold on to this and wanted to let you all know how sorry Torbeck is of what happened and in hopes that Torbeck can convey that he understands that you all didn't mean it either. Torbeck kept this as a token of friendship is Torbeck's most prized possession. Well, you don't know that, Tobik.
Starting point is 01:38:54 You're not going to lose it. I mean, you know, yeah, we're sorry. No, no, no, Torbeck is sorry, and Torbeck wants to help. So Torbeck will help. No, I mean, we forgive you. I mean, I allegedly in my anger, hitting my own daughter over the head while saying, Zug, Zug, more work, me not that kind of walk. So, I mean, you know, it happens to the rest of us.
Starting point is 01:39:16 With the whole cabinet filled to the brim with ceramics. Yeah, it's no big deal. It's no big deal, Toulbeck. It's water under the brink. We're all powers, you know. Perhaps this ticket can be Torbeck's ticket into permanent friendship with all of you. Yeah, I mean, no, it's free of charge.
Starting point is 01:39:35 We're free of charge. Oh, you got stamped. It's, oh, you don't even, you hold on to that ticket for when you needed to get out of a bond. That's maybe an IOU for, if we ever get separated. Well, I'm just gonna say I'd feel a lot better if, you know, Tollbeck, if you were your true self and not afflicted under some kind of,
Starting point is 01:39:54 kind of horrible transmogification. Does Mr. Crami truly believe that this is horrific? In a sense. Yeah. Yeah, no. It's kind of hard to feel sentimental when you let this... I mean, you're just not wearing clothes. Yeah, naked elfman.
Starting point is 01:40:15 Yeah, he was like jiggling around. Yeah. Can you find clothes? Can you get a blanket? Torbeck has Torbeck's old clothes. They just don't quite fit Torbeck. anymore. I didn't think you wore clothes before. I thought you're just furry.
Starting point is 01:40:28 If Torbeck must give up this terrifyingly beautiful nature. Torbeck supposes Torbeck can do that. You know, yeah, and you know, it's not like we prefer you this way just because you're traditionally like an elf, right?
Starting point is 01:40:47 Like, oh, after you left the carnival, me, crammy, and Frosty got turned into Eladron ourselves and we ended up being kind of a bunch of weird sex pests and even though we may have been Like, you know, appropriately holiday themed or more conventionally attractive. It just, it wasn't right, right? It didn't feel right. That's a great point. It didn't feel right at all. And we don't feel right without a toolback we know and love even with all of the tubes and the whirring gizmos into your flesh and blood and all of the mind controlling witchlight that gets pumped. Anyway,
Starting point is 01:41:24 It's the smell. Oh, right. For Torbeck's friends, Torbeck will return. Twig, do you think you might be able to help Torbeck? No. Oh. I keep saying it. I don't know how to do it.
Starting point is 01:41:40 I only had one of those summer shower flowers. And he threw up and it didn't do anything for bodies. How he went back to himself, I don't know. Perhaps Petunia and all of her infinite wisdom could help Torbeck. I can't believe you'd call her that. Pig Tuna. Pigtune. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:41:57 Torback is very dumb. Torback is very... Yeah, yeah. Tollback wishes intelligence came with this beauty. Yeah. I'll be right back. I'm going upstairs for a moment. All right, well, goodbye.
Starting point is 01:42:07 Pig, Tune, do you want to blow snout all over Torbeck? Mm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah? No. Okay. He's so silly.
Starting point is 01:42:23 Okay. No, that's pretty good. Oh. I know, but I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, Torbeck just has one last thing, and then he's ready. Taubeck is ready. It's like a helicopter taking off.
Starting point is 01:42:54 Oh, Big Tunia, go ahead. And so Pektunia flies over to you, and you watch as her little curly tail winds up, and her wings flap, and she breathes in a breath of air, and she snorts it all over you, and nothing happens. This is it! Oh, no! Torbeck is confused? Well, you're a little closer now. You're covered in snot. Oh. Maybe it's a gradual change back. Torbeck supposes we could monitor it.
Starting point is 01:43:28 I'm back down to the bottom of stairs and I have your clothes, Torbeck's clothes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. And I have from my pack a towel. Oh, oh. I thought perhaps that would work, but you can't wear these, so if you just tie this around your wait. No, he can wait, we'll just get him a bill. I mean, you know, they're a little
Starting point is 01:43:50 big and you know, roll the sleeves up. All right, all right. Torbeck will squeeze into Torbeck's old clothing, I suppose. And I'll just put it on, it's like horribly baggy and like, you know, it's like tripping over the pan legs. I would like you to roll a Constitution saving grill. It smells horrible.
Starting point is 01:44:06 Oh, oh, Visa. Oh, Torback has never noticed a torquick's old stench. It's like the, it's like the cringy deviant art like You are able to stomach the stench. But you can definitely tell these clothes have not been washed since you left the car. Let me fix that up for you.
Starting point is 01:44:22 Oh, man, I'm just gonna, and then you'll see sort of like these puffs of neon light. He looks like a pretty boy fan art, Bobadook. Tollbeck is scared. Does Torbeck always smell this terrible? Yes. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:44:40 Sometimes it's worse. Oh. Trobeck is sorry for yet another thing. No, no, you're fine. So, were we ready to go on another venture now? Yeah. Hootzee, are you okay? Are you feeling okay, Frosty?
Starting point is 01:45:00 I am feeling well. I am dressed. I have my pack. I have been recovered from all of my maladies, I think. Your nose looks great. Thank you. And... Catlock.
Starting point is 01:45:13 I did have one question. I know. twig that we have done a lot and have asked a lot of you. However, I wondered if we couldn't have perhaps a little bit more of that coffee brew before we pack up the inn and make our way on our adventure. I wish that you could. What I used to steep the brew was smashed in a forkish rain. Yeah, what a shame.
Starting point is 01:45:43 What a tragic accident. Are there any... The beam brew! Or, what a tragic accident. I have flasks. I have vials. I figure we... I think once we leave then,
Starting point is 01:45:55 we're just going to have to go forage. Well, we can't even take those Boys and Berri Pies with us. Um, yeah. So the thing about that is... No, Grick-old man, and the cherry's berries? Like, we're going to...
Starting point is 01:46:12 And the cherries, cherries berries? What did it? Thing to that stuff. I've fed all. those to Hootsie when she was said. Oh, oh, good. Well, thank you very much. She loves cherries berries.
Starting point is 01:46:25 She loves the taste of plurro. Oh, thank you. Oh, and Twink takes such good care of you, Hootie. I didn't think you were supposed to mix hot Joneses with cherries berries. So here's the thing. It was a little horrific looking at the blood of hot Jones all over her face, so I figured if I couldn't tell whether it was hot Jones blood or cherries berries or cherries, berries, it would make me feel better. And the thing is totally did.
Starting point is 01:46:54 Oh, well, okay. I mean, I guess, well, it sounds like we don't get any pie. Let's go stop around. Yeah, let's go. Sorry about all this. It's okay. Thanks for taking me our adventure. Yeah, it's going to be a great adventure. And, you know, I'll start walking. You know, I always wondered what the red sprinkles and hot Jones was. And I think now I have the answer. Have reds. Those Joneses should have gotten a squatty potty. Oh, that's the snap crack one in the pop in there, huh?
Starting point is 01:47:28 I can ride a bike again. And with that, you all exit the inn at the end of the road. And as you exit the inn, you watch as twig turns around, she utters something under her breath, and you begin to see the in twist and elongate and then contract. and then contract. And it pops in there are bits of smoke and glittery dust as all of a sudden it begins to take a different shape
Starting point is 01:47:59 as it shrinks and shrinks and shrinks and shrinks until where the end had been. There is now a small acorn satchel bag that she picks up off of the ground, slings over her shoulder. She opens the top, looks inside. Yep, looks good in there. and anyone who's close enough, I'll say Gideon, close enough, you look in and you can see that inside of this bag
Starting point is 01:48:23 is a miniaturized replica. Hey, what are you getting in there? See, look, it's the end of the road. You can see the hearths go in. Are you a fire lighting in your backpack? This is an acorn sexual. Oh, man, that's cool. It's no backpack good thing.
Starting point is 01:48:41 Oh, sorry, I thought with the straps and you're going to wear it? No, just one strap goes right over the shoulder here. Oh, I misread the situation like a messenger's bag. Yeah. A satchel, good sir. Oh, like a satchel. It's far more, you know, Faywild that way.
Starting point is 01:48:57 Yeah, it's kidding. Sanchez at the time. And she closes the acorn, the acorn satchel, and you see it does have two windows on it, that if viewed at the right direction, you can see directly into the inn and see that it's an inn. Kiddian, how did she, George Jetson, the whole inn? I don't fucking know, man.
Starting point is 01:49:17 But let me tell you, once I crack Faye Wild Engine Heron for Dummies 101, I'm probably not going to be anywhere close to being able to do that. Okay, but now we have to make sure that we find some food and something to drink, so we should probably scavenge. Let's get foraging. Oh, yeah. I'm great at foraging. My Uncle Globo told me everything he knows. I drank a whole bottle of anything earlier, and I'm just feeling pretty full. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:49:49 Can you roll? Constitution saving throw for me, please? Oh, no, maybe it was something. I can't remember that. Why you speak about that's twig? Didn't Gloria Botech you had to hunt down a pack of rabbits and get it all cooked up for rabbits too?
Starting point is 01:50:01 Oh, yeah. What do you get? Natural one. And it drank a whole bottle of something. The old bottle of once it. Natural one, noted. Um, okay. So.
Starting point is 01:50:18 Oh, no. You explore. Let's make sure that we scavenge. Okay. Let's all go in directions. And let me right back here. Okay. In five minutes. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 01:50:34 Who wants to come with me and learn how you really scavenge for herds? No, we're all going to go in directions. Oh, okay. I'm going to go by myself and get the most herbs from scavenging. All right. Yeah. Tallbeck is ready. Okay.
Starting point is 01:50:49 Toulbeck is going this way. I need everyone to do. I need everyone to make a survival check for me, guys. Oh, oh, shmental. That's a bit, huh? Oh, I'm supposed to run with advantage. That's bizarre. Well, it didn't really help, to be honest.
Starting point is 01:51:10 12. 16. Oh, wow. Hell yeah. I got a 10. Michael? My character app. Didn't Beyond is not. My it didn't load. My non-descript character sheet application is not.
Starting point is 01:51:30 Oh, yeah. They're all locked up. You are jammed up there. What did you roll? An 18 plus my wish. Five? Yeah. Pretty good, pretty good. You rolled a 16? Nobody else rolled above a 15 outside of that. I rolled a high.
Starting point is 01:51:47 I rolled a 10 and got a 12. Cremie, you find a spring, a freshwater spring that is bubbling. And there's a small water, crystal clear beautiful water. You imagine that you could easily bring everyone back here and fill up any kinds of water, water skins, skeins, skins, skin, skeins are yarn. Classic. I always do it.
Starting point is 01:52:20 Schemes. Schemes. Schemes? Schemes. Schemes. Sheems. Sheems. Water shames.
Starting point is 01:52:25 Weems. Weems. Steins. Steins. Bains. Bains. You. imagine that you could bring everyone back here and you would easily be able to collect enough
Starting point is 01:52:41 water for quite a while. Grico, you head out with Hootzee. Just like I'm a global used to do. You are on a mission. You will be the best scavenger, the best forger of the group. And you're not wrong. You are able to find, I would like you to roll 2D8 for me, please, and tell me what each of those numbers is. Oh, look, who's your golden node on the mini map. Okay, we gotta go to that way. I would have to give you nothing. 2D8, that would be an eight. This is a huge lemon. You rolled two apes? Oh, no, no, no. I rolled an eight total, five and a three. Yeah, I needed both numbers.
Starting point is 01:53:22 Oh, sorry, five and a three. You're rolling on a table. Oh, okay, got, I got, got, five and a three. You scavenge around and you find a delicious orange flower that whispers, eat me. The flower's head is tart while its stem is sweet. Oh. I'll walk up to it and I'll say, Hootie? Watch and learn the master. Eat me.
Starting point is 01:53:53 I am intending to pick it. Eat me. Can I? Eat me. You got in the combat the first time. I interrupted, yeah. Look if it's stupid. I grow this fucking Vien.
Starting point is 01:54:17 Hersey, come on. She's on passive. Depend, defend. In the time that it took him to try and pick it, the flower actually got up and walked away. That one is actually no longer able to be used. Oh. Eat meat.
Starting point is 01:54:34 Eat me. Bye. I run after it. No, no. You got groceries. And you try. But you are unable to. unable to, you're unable to catch it,
Starting point is 01:54:46 so it's magical abilities which are pretty amazing or no longer available to you. We'll never know. As you continue forward, you find something strange floating through the air. It is foggy in this place. The fog has always been that gray, greenish hue
Starting point is 01:55:09 that the swamp fog has been from the moment that you got here. but often the distance you see a swirling mass of baby blue and baby pink mist or fog and as you get closer to it you can smell the sweetness on the air a mist of a wisp of sweet candied mist similar in consistency and taste to cotton candy that's in front of you uh can i like try to grab a cone from my pack Do you have a cone? Yeah, whatever. Oh, I can riddle up a cone. Oh, it'll taste like sawdust.
Starting point is 01:55:51 You swirl your cone around and you're able to collect this wisp of sweetness. Oh, my goodness, this is going to be like an ogre's club. That wasn't a euphemism. This is literally going to look like an ogre's club. Gosh, everyone's gonna be so proud of me when I bring back cotton candy. It's very new treasures.
Starting point is 01:56:20 Okay. Do I get all of it? Yes. This is lying. That's what you're trying to do this time. Okay, let's see if I can find that flower again. Come on, who'd seen? And you take this wisp of cotton candy mist,
Starting point is 01:56:38 and you begin to make your way back towards what you believe is where you met with your friend. your friends. And then you hear it. The sounds of roots being pulled from the earth. You begin to veer towards the north. And as you look behind one of the nearest mangrove trees, you see off in the distance a large towering hill covered in willow trees as it slowly moves across the landscape. Who see? You see what I was saying? Thank you. Hootsie eats all.
Starting point is 01:57:26 Oh, we were supposed to share, but you've had a harrowing date. Oh, oh, my finger. Ah! Oh, it's okay. Oh, it's just a little, oh, it's a little blood in some fingernail. That's fine.
Starting point is 01:57:36 You're missing half of your... Oh, oh, oh. Hold on, hold on. Oh, banana. Oh, that's potassium. Ah, okay. Okay. Uh, uh, uh,
Starting point is 01:57:51 It's telegraph who? I found it. Hey, everybody, I found it. And I also foraged, hello. The rest of you hear nothing. As you all meet back up at the place that you were supposed to and you wait and you wait, but Greco doesn't seem to be returning. You listen in on the wind and you hear nothing
Starting point is 01:58:17 as you wait for him. A drawback found some rocks and sticks and a little bit of wet moss. Oh, that's great, man. I found all this mud, so together I think we're going to survive. I found a fresh spring with the fucking waterfall in the middle of a swamp. What the hell? We got twigs and mud. You found a whole spring with fresh waterfall?
Starting point is 01:58:37 You know, Grico's probably dead. Let's just go to the spring. Yeah, there's no way he survived. You know who taught him to forage is Uncle Glorbo. You remember what that guy said? He's doomed. Yeah. Something fucking great.
Starting point is 01:58:48 Crazy, probably. Like, take all your clothes off, turn around, you know, and walk out of this, walk out of this. You know, and then he never ended up catching any damn rabbits. Well, that's the thing. I mean, we've seen him try to forge before. It just goes out of the woods. He says, just like the whole global used to do. And then he would stand over something and just like move his hands together.
Starting point is 01:59:12 He would even kneel down. He'd always come back with fucking nothing. And then he would summon that big gorilla. and just say bananas and then we'd all be eating bananas and you know it's just like yeah I mean it was good but what the fuck do you have to go away for? Yeah I mean he really did use
Starting point is 01:59:28 his magical powers as a crutch. Yeah. Well Frost I'm sorry for your loss I think then we'll be able to find Gricker quite easily How do you think we're going to do that? Well uh Twig would you agree that he went in this general direction? Um
Starting point is 01:59:46 yep My recollection is that he went. You went this way. He went sort of in this northernly direction. All we have to do is cert. Perhaps we hold hands so that we don't lose each other again. But if we can all stay close, we follow the footsteps. What about going to the spring first?
Starting point is 02:00:13 Well, maybe we should, you know, in case he's not dead, we should probably, you know, see if he's okay first. Well, why don't we head to the spring and we're just like, I don't know, right our names in the ground as we walk so he knows where we went. Oh, we'll just fill up our water schemes. Yeah, we'll just get it all, you know. Are they skisens or skins? Oh, if I've been saying it wrong on this outside?
Starting point is 02:00:31 Did you say water steams? Water skiing, you know, I'm just, usually I drink water having a fucking glass like a normal like a regular habit. Wait, you guys bro water skin? I don't know, we're just using our hands. Um, well, Torbeck only has this dirty sacked with water and so if anyone has an extra foreskin, I mean, water, For Torbeck, that would be lovely. I actually do if you want one.
Starting point is 02:01:00 You know that's got whiskey? Well, I think mine's more like a canteen, you know what I mean? Oh, that's pretty good. You probably have a canteen, too. I'll check. I don't remember one. I mean, it's possible. I don't drink a lot of water, mainly whiskey.
Starting point is 02:01:19 I feel there's a very logical solution to this. I agree with your suggestion, but I have a really interesting. Well, I have a question. Is it a canteen? or a can't in? What's the difference? Well, it depends on how the adventure's going, I think. It's going well.
Starting point is 02:01:33 I think you say it's a canteen. If it's going real bad, like, you know, Grico, it's a can't. Oh, no, and there's an apostrophe between the two E's. So it's like, I can't eat. It's actually what he says often. I can't eat and get this water. Yeah. Or you cheeky, you know, you know what you sound like?
Starting point is 02:01:53 Yeah. Oh, you cheeky friends of mine. Those are incredible Grico impressions. Tollback is completely convinced. That's pretty good, right? Yeah. Sad, ain't in it. Okay, I ain't in it.
Starting point is 02:02:10 You're the Gideons. Isn't there's a lot of... Ah! It's more, you gotta come from, you know, the West. Ringo's going to be killed and dead by now. Is what adventuring's like? Yeah, this is pretty much it. Okay, can we go get water now?
Starting point is 02:02:27 Let's see some water. We'll fill up our canteens and skins and skins. But only very quickly, and then we need to return to the point where we think Griko took his journey. I think what we need to do is think like Grico, walk through the forest, and recreate his sense. Yes, Torbeck can do that. Torbeck has one. Here we go. Just like Grico.
Starting point is 02:02:46 Yes. Oi, brough. How was that? Torbeck thinks that sounded just like Ricko. That's pretty good. Yeah, it was all right. You think, grub. Yeah, that's what Gricko
Starting point is 02:02:59 All the way says. Well, really, you got to I heard him say, bro. Do you even know Grickon? Yes, I've known him for quite some time. Torbeck's not so sure. Torbeck, I'm not going to give you this flask anymore.
Starting point is 02:03:14 Listen, we got to fill his canteen. I was Torbeck going to drink water. All I have is this filthy sack. You can cup your hands or you can just walk around like him. I think what you do, yeah. You put it in the filthy sack. and then it's just going to leak out one hand
Starting point is 02:03:29 so you just walk around and a little down. But Toenbeck's hands will be full, or the sack will leak. I'm not even going to mention the five vials that I have. Okay, well, let's go then. Okay. I lead everybody to the waterfall. I'll look at it.
Starting point is 02:03:49 It's beautiful. Anyone need a glass? Oh, you have glasses? Yeah, hold on. And she opens up her. her acorn pouch and she reaches in and pulls out a tiny little cup and she puts it down on a rock next to the spring and you watch as it springs into a full-size cup. Anyone else need one? Oh, Torbeck would like one very much so. Yeah, take one.
Starting point is 02:04:14 Okay. Look, they got a barbecue and brew festival. You got a rock fan playing and everything. I love that. Come on a dish of turkey legs. It's a venerable bee or a vegetable. garden. Ten bucks to get in? We can pay ten bucks. They've got cornhole. Torbeck's not paying ten bucks if they're going on. We're not going to drop. Taze the fucking thawbeck really wants a half of lichen.
Starting point is 02:04:48 You know what, that's where we're in the campaign. Oh no, we all ignited to flee. Rock's foam. You know, this is awfully beautiful. We've been Brank Creek. You can catch us next Saturday. Fill up quickly. We need to find Grico.
Starting point is 02:05:08 Thank you for the cup. Thank you, Twig. Torbeck appreciates it. And as you drink the water, you immediately feel your body begin to shift and change as you return to your Torback form. Oh, this water's delightful Torbeck is, oh. Oh, no.
Starting point is 02:05:26 No, what is? Happening to Troy Hornback is returning back to Troy Oh, sit now! Make some sounds just now. Those are juicy. I know Warren Mac like this, but he really is horrible.
Starting point is 02:06:03 Yeah, I know what? I'm feeling a little bit of regret. Some of the smell, I think the bird in that tree just died. Dormack, Bullitt. It's a lot. The original decision. Only mountains. Meanwhile, like a whole badger finns.
Starting point is 02:06:30 And it's the beginning of Once Upon a forest. All the business. Go waste of spring as well. Your want to eat human bones completely dissipate. Oh, well, don't eat these anymore. I dip down into the water skin into the... I have a good size water skin. I have all these vials.
Starting point is 02:07:01 It's going to be able to sustain this water for a while, and I make sure that it's totally full. As soon as I get to the water, the top I cap it off and go hmm did anyone remember that we could use twist of fate
Starting point is 02:07:12 can't want to dreads at any time isn't that funny none of us remembered that no what what you're talking about man you hi again from a meta perspective
Starting point is 02:07:27 Torback was more than aware but didn't want to change I like a better this way yeah I'm a certain There's something about them.
Starting point is 02:07:40 I don't know if it's the dirt, the smell, or general depression. We should probably go make sure Grickl's not dead. Yeah. All right, Frost. Use you like, you know, ESP triangulation powers. It's just a matter of intelligence. I have a question. Excuse me.
Starting point is 02:07:59 Definitely walking through. Look at the big brain on Frost. Yeah, geez, man. You're saying your extra special power. That's cool, right? I'm not going to have psionics this. I have an extra special power. You wanna see it?
Starting point is 02:08:13 Yeah. Okay, cool, hold on. And you watch his twig looks around. Oh, over there. And she rushes over to the edge of the water, picks up a toad, licks it, puts it back down, turns towards you, begins to drool her eyes, get really, really big.
Starting point is 02:08:29 Oh, yeah. I'll be in there. Whoa, dizzy. Your special trick is that you got high on on toot sweat. Yeah, you can't lick toads. Yep. All right.
Starting point is 02:08:43 Somebody carry a Gideon Yeah, come on, come on, Twigsie. Is that it? Yeah, come on. Actually, hey, how is it? I'm an adventurer now. Is that toad still around here? You throw it in the water.
Starting point is 02:08:55 I threw it in the water. Oh, well, thanks for sharing. It skipped three times. There's a bunch of bullies. There's one of toad heads, and it's Pierre, and it's, uh... There is no pain, you are receding. A distant ship spoke on the horizon.
Starting point is 02:09:14 You're talking about it. To a Tweedzie's Bad Acesd Bad Acesd trip. Oh. Has anyone just tried to call for Grico? Because Torbeck can do it. Do it. All right. I'll do it in his native tongue.
Starting point is 02:09:33 Oh, my God. Is that a good Bricko? shrill goblin language rings out through the bottom. Does that mean grub and goblin? Oh, oh, gosh. Wow, Earth was that? Surely he heard Torpeck. I can't wedge.
Starting point is 02:10:06 You feeling all right? I like that tooage. Uh, Torbeck was calling for Grico. No. Rush. Does anyone hear Grico call? going back? No.
Starting point is 02:10:30 You should really stay hydrated in your state. I offer a glass of water. Oh, yeah. It's like raining up there. He's like spilling all over the place because you're trying to drink it. You fixed. Oh, no.
Starting point is 02:10:50 Oh, shit. No, I'm back. Oh, nice. Okay. Because Gid could just, you know, piggyback you all the way if you, you know, if you're too high to walk. I told you I could do something special. It was very special. However, if you're going to adventure with us, my advice is for you to attempt to go along with the group and not run off and do something on your own independently, but something that aids the group as much as possible.
Starting point is 02:11:18 As funds that might be to lick toes. Hey guys, you guys see this tone? If you go to adventure with us, the cardinal rule is you only get high at breakfast. No, we have a rule. We have a rule. No hard drugs. It's going to end up our churcos. Chuckles. Boos is fine, a little bit of cigar, it's fine, but you do any more than mad, and you're gonna, you know, then you let you go down. That's what I meant, Twigsie, all right?
Starting point is 02:11:47 That's the rule. Don't get out of that. We should probably go back to the start to see if we can find Grico, because whatever Torpick yelled out on to the ether did absolutely nothing. Surprise, surprise. Follow me, and I will lead us back to the... clearing. I will follow Frost. Me too.
Starting point is 02:12:07 You all begin to follow Frost as you begin to hear and see movement up ahead of you. Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop. It's them. It's the stilt walkers. Shh. What the fuck's a stilt walker? What are you saying? And you watch
Starting point is 02:12:23 as twig points out off into a further area of the swamp actually close to where you were headed towards. And you see these entities, that are on these stilts. They have fur over their backs, a hooded cloak that goes up over their heads.
Starting point is 02:12:44 I'll actually just show you a picture because it will make it. Oh, no. Strap to their back is what is clearly a cage filled with fuck. Filled with fuck. Oh shit. I'm like the child.
Starting point is 02:13:00 It's even a lot. They're going to be on their back. Yeah, the cage their fucks. Jesus. Oh, yeah. They're definitely not keeping their bad. That one's got a sick fun. I hate you guys so much.
Starting point is 02:13:20 They all can't stop sneezing. Oh, it smells like that. On their back is a cage filled with eggs. Oh, eggs. Oh, I see. They have like, they have like stilts on their arms.
Starting point is 02:13:34 Yeah, yeah. They're like the giraffes from the Lion King. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's fucking perfect. Exactly.
Starting point is 02:13:43 It's fucking incredible. It's to keep them out of like the swamp waters. The tall swamp grass that surrounds them is wafting with the fetid stench of decaying plant. As they make their way through, you see six of them in total. They are moving forward and slowly stopping, as you'll see one of them reach down. and reach into the muck and pull up an egg completely covered in soil and swamp filth. As they clean it off, open the top of the cage, and place it inside. They whisper to each other as they continue to move forward.
Starting point is 02:14:29 What did you call them? Those are still walkers. Still walkers. Do you know why they collected the eggs? Yeah, I do. Do you know why they collect the fucks? What? The fuck, all.
Starting point is 02:14:45 Eggs and fuck are very similar. They all, well, the fuck, results in eggs. Yes, exactly right. Are those Stilt Walker eggs? No, they take those eggs to downfall to the soggy court. Downfall, soggy court. And do they just eat the eggs? I don't know what they do.
Starting point is 02:15:07 with the eggs in the soggy quar you'd have to ask the Stilwalkers but I wouldn't recommend it. Are it dangerous? I don't know. I've never gotten close to them before. Who are the mothers of these eggs if they're not Stilwalkers? What eggs are these? Whatever eggs they could find.
Starting point is 02:15:25 Lizard eggs, human eggs, any eggs. Bird eggs, calopi eggs, cake eggs. You know, whatever lays eggs. You imagine kids. cake eggs. You're painting and pastels. Just bite it in.
Starting point is 02:15:43 Oh, it's like a nice cake with a boss. Like a gooey center, you know? Oh, man. Somewhere in the distance, uh, Gregosa's like, shuddered. Oh. Whoa. Whoa.
Starting point is 02:15:56 Uh, no. What were you going to say? Have we made it? Are we near the clearing? Do I think that we're at the starting point? Um, you're watching the stilt walkers walk past the clearing. You're close, but Twig has essentially stopped you where you're at as you watch as these stilt walkers move. What direction are they headed in?
Starting point is 02:16:20 So if the place that you had met was here, you've gone off in this direction for the spring, and Grico had headed off in this direction. You're heading back here to the meeting point. They're walking in front of you. Heading towards Grico's direction. Do we think that Gricko would follow these creatures? Yes, absolutely. I feel like Bricko wouldn't, I don't know. He wouldn't mess with these things.
Starting point is 02:16:52 Oh, they're pretty scary. Yeah. They're kind of fucking monstrous, man. I mean, that's like his whole deal. Well, they're headed in the direction Grico was going. Oh, they look too like humanoid from him to really give a shit. And they got cages on the backs. You see that one of them stops for a moment and looks directly toward the group of you.
Starting point is 02:17:11 Oh, fuck in the dead. Yeah. Oh, get out. We steal. It is very clear that you've been spotted. Oh, fuck. Jesus. And yet, they make no motion to move toward you.
Starting point is 02:17:24 As you see this entity look from you Frost, you tore back all the way through to twig herself, slowly reach down into the muck, pull up another egg and put it in the cage, and they continue to walk away. three, four, five minutes pass, and they are out of view. Maybe they didn't want to bother us. Maybe all they're doing is just scavenging eggs. Could be just collecting stuff looking for swamp treasures, you know? I don't know, maybe they're just, yeah, collecting eggs. Another mystery.
Starting point is 02:18:06 Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the swamp, Grico, you have called out to your friends. to no avail. You hear no sound come back from them. But you do hear the sound of popping at your feet. As you look down and you see these holes emerge in the muck at your feet, as little bubbles pop up out of it. Similar to what you'd see on a beach in an area where it's heavily filled with clams. And as you look down and around this,
Starting point is 02:18:41 you begin to see is that a hand? A small, a small grayish green hand makes its way up out of the whole long fingers with darkened twisted nails. Is this what is, roll an intelligence check for me. 14.
Starting point is 02:19:12 What is clearly a mud method is, It climbs its way out of the mud. Not one, not two, but ten mud methods pop up out of the muck beneath your feet. The one that's directly in front of you looks up at you and begins to speak. Please be clams, please be cold. Hey.
Starting point is 02:19:34 Oysters? Hey, you. I make it so much noise. Oh, hello. I'm trying to sleep. Oh, I'm sorry for waking. you up. I didn't know anyone slept. Oh, no, you've woken me up.
Starting point is 02:19:50 Oh. You must answer my question before we let you go. What would you do if I don't know? I'd get it wrong. Wouldn't you like to know? I mean, I would very much. I'd like to know what's it. Well, get your fun. Okay, I will answer you a question. Nice, nice, muddy, flappy wings.
Starting point is 02:20:08 It's very impressive that you were able to fly. He washes it unfurls and it's covered in mud as it's dripping off of the wings. Oh, yes. All right. Oh, man. That's... Hello, I'm Grimo Grimding. This lovely...
Starting point is 02:20:21 I don't care. Okay. Is Lizas Hoosy? You've got to answer a question. I'm telling everyone in the Feywild, my name. That's stupid. Oh, I'm sorry. Why'd you do that?
Starting point is 02:20:32 Anyway, I'm here to help you answer my question. Okay. Good luck. What's your name? No. Okay. You're answering the questions, I'm sorry. Good luck figuring out what it is.
Starting point is 02:20:43 Okay. But answer it and I'll let you go. Oh, okay. Thank you very much for this opportunity. It's a serious question. Yeah. What's a mud method's favorite food? And they all begin to giggle. Can I write down an answer before you?
Starting point is 02:21:00 Yes, yes, you can. A mud methods, ah, favorite food. I have something. Tell me what's a favorite food, huh? Hmm. Well, if Barr had, to guess. You do have to guess.
Starting point is 02:21:22 You do have to guess. It would be the confectionary treat, dirt and worms featuring chocolate pudding. What? Gummed worms and crumbled, non-branded chocolate cream-filled cookies. And you see as this mudmeph it turns and looks at the one to the like, one to the like, is that right?
Starting point is 02:21:51 That's definitely right. Is that right? Yes, it is. No. Well, that just means you haven't had it, doing worms before, it's very delicious. What's it talking about? He got it wrong, he got it wrong, he got it wrong.
Starting point is 02:22:05 They all start to dance around you and sing. Oh, he got it wrong, he got it wrong, he got it wrong, he got it wrong. One of us, one of us, one of us. And all ten of the mud methods jump onto your body, And they begin to cover you in muck and mud. You feel your shape begin to change as you yourself become a mud method. It's the fucking scene with Andy Circus and King Kong. Wow, this movie is surprisingly violent.
Starting point is 02:22:39 Oh, they did what to the Tyrannosaurus wrecks? Oh, God, they just pulled. Oh, no. And once you become a mud method, all 10 of them are surrounding you and they begin to pull you down into one of their mucky holes. Jesus.
Starting point is 02:22:59 I think I heard Grego. The rest of you have safely now made it to the place that you had that you had chosen to meet. Is anyone else for no reason at all thinking about dirt and warm confection or pudding? I got a sudden anchor in front. Ford.
Starting point is 02:23:19 Fri, uncle, first dear. Torbeck's no stranger to eating dirt or worms. So Torbett is thinking about dirt and worms. Yeah. Well, I meant like the confectioner
Starting point is 02:23:44 treat, you know, with like the cookies but the non, you know. Don't ring a bell. That was not the time to be thinking of treats. I know that you get hungry every 15 minutes or so. I think you probably should. talk to a doctor about my glycemia.
Starting point is 02:23:58 No, I think it's just how my body works. Not just processed like a thousand calories a minute or something. I'm no longer worried about the bones in you. Well, no, fraud. You're going to try to track him down, right? Well, we start walking in the direction that he went, and we try to make
Starting point is 02:24:16 the decisions that he would have made. He is a good tracker. He is capable of forging. We just need to think like Grico and understand. Maybe we'll trip on the same thing he tripped on. Roll a performance check. You being Grico's best friend, I'll say
Starting point is 02:24:32 do it at advantage to see how well of a Grico impersonation you can do during your traveling. Performance, that's where I'm a bike. Also. It was. Twist it.
Starting point is 02:24:59 You don't have to. Twist it. Well, no. 11. You know, we could roll some dice. and play Dungeons and Dragons. Maybe one twist? I don't know. We have so many. The audience loves us so much. If you're fine being afflicted.
Starting point is 02:25:15 Oh, it's going to afflict me. I'm not. No, they don't do that anymore. What? They don't? No. Just the dreads. Oh, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:25:24 It gets, I need to run this campaign. And we can use twist of fates to undo twist of friends. We have to spend ten twists of fate to undo the dreds. Yes. No, it's three. Three twists of fate to undo one draft.
Starting point is 02:25:38 Okay, okay. And how many sheep can I get four? Torback would pay a hundred twists to be pretty again. 12, I'll take 12. 12 is my number tonight. We have that. I'm doing very 12th. 12th, very 12th.
Starting point is 02:25:53 You are doing a rough approximation of Grico. I hunger down. Though your mannerisms are not perfect, they definitely evoke the idea of RICO. And you do feel like you're in his mind a little. As you make the choices that you make, you are able to find the flowers
Starting point is 02:26:16 that tell you to eat them. And as you are, you know, arguing with yourself and pretending to talk to Hootsie, it does end up running away and you're not able to gain its boon. He does this over it. As you get stung by mosquitoes, he would have done this,
Starting point is 02:26:34 and then he would have reacted. I just know it in my mind. Damn it, Frost. You're too good at this. I should have eaten that flour. I know, but that wouldn't be what Grico would do. It's true. You smell the scent of sweetness on the air, and though you don't see the small wisp of that cotton candy mist, you can smell it, and you head in the direction of it,
Starting point is 02:26:57 knowing that Grico would have smelled that too and been interested. And that is where you find Hootsie. sitting in the muck, pawing at these, pawing at the ground, and the hoots that are coming from her tiny owlbear body are sad. If owl bears could cry, she looks like she would be. She's digging furiously at the ground. For what?
Starting point is 02:27:24 You're not sure, but you can see that lying on the ground next to her is the cone of cotton candy. And it's the mist that was attached to it. is clearly gone, but you find some remnants of it. You inspect everything. Hootze barely pays any attention to at all. She is so solely focused and pawing at the ground, digging for something.
Starting point is 02:27:49 And you begin to look around, and I will have you roll a survival check for me, please. Twig, you wanted to be part of it in venture. That is what this feels like. 15. You get down next to Hootsie and you place your hand on her back almost is just in a subtle we're here, we're with you, even though she doesn't seem to notice you, before you immediately start looking at the area around where she's digging.
Starting point is 02:28:24 And you do find a couple of these small things that remind you very much of clamming the few times you've been to an ocean. And you notice that there are And you notice that there are footsteps. You can see in the muck where Grico's footsteps had been sunken in and they haven't been completely wiped away. But you notice they haven't gone anywhere. And you do see some scratch marks coming out from some of these holes in the ground. As Twig looks up and says,
Starting point is 02:29:05 And that's where we won the session. Oh, shit. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or Hire to unlock Shroud Over Saltmarsh, a patron-exclusive campaign set on the high seas.
Starting point is 02:29:38 You can find that at patreon.com slash legends of Aventriss. If you want to chat about the episode with the Aventrous community, join us on Discord at Legends ofavantris.com slash Discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram. So make sure you follow our socials at Legendsofaventris.com slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror fifth edition supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com.
Starting point is 02:30:08 Thanks again and we'll see you next time.

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