Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 20 | Hot Jones
Episode Date: June 5, 2024The party unwinds after their harrowing encounter... Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk hor...ror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/P-x_jAD3Ao4?si=HvZQ0NZBodMGg96I
Transcript
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Welcome to Legends of Adventress.
I'm Twig, and you're listening to What's the Port of Witchlight?
Here's what happened last time.
You have met with an emissary from the Summerport.
This fairy dragon is locked within a cage.
The key has fallen into the hands of a goblin.
My name's Twig Toad Spring, and I run the inn at the end of the road.
You see a shape move quickly past one of the windows.
The face is a face.
face you recognize, things that hang from his mouth, from Torbeck's mouth, are far larger
than they had been before. His eyes are wild and in a frenzy. Andy, can you please take
the DM station for me? The greatest roofie! Hello, hello.
Holy shit. Impossibly long, tendril-like finger slowly creep around the door frame.
You have no time to react before the lightning-quipped Torbeck lunges for you. I need you all to
roll for initiative.
As you deliver the final blow,
almost instantly, Torbeck's limbs begin to ripple and move and shrink.
Guys, where is Torbeck?
If you want to tell him, we can tell him.
We bear responsibility for everything that's happened.
It's more responsibility.
What?
You all turned Torbeck in?
Torbeck appreciates your honesty.
Torbeck knows you couldn't have known.
Torbeck doesn't even know.
I'm sorry, Your Highness.
I hate to say it, but the bug bear somehow escaped?
I believe that he may have met up with some friends.
You're going to pay for that.
You are all asleep in the inn at the end of the road.
It's cozy.
It's comfortable, and it's your first bit of rest.
Legitimate rest in what feels like 16, 17, 18 weeks.
And at first, it is lovely until you all begin to dream.
In this dream, you see the vision of a dwarf man walking through the illuminated halls of what is clearly a subterranean palace.
you experience the
the meeting between him and a being,
a person that you have never met before.
And it becomes clear to you in this dream,
if this dream is in fact true,
that whatever this being is
knows exactly where Torvec is
and who he is with.
And it is with that realization
that you all awake immediately
in unison with a start.
Yeah.
Geez, I got a drink.
Oh, the integrity.
Do you guys always wake up and scream like that?
Pic Tunia was snorting.
Wait, are we all sleeping the same way?
Oh, I guess you guys are in the common room.
Who's not in the common room?
Just drop, but his doors open and he's sitting up breathing heavily,
and all his hair on his back on the back of his neck is standing straight up.
Oh, Mr. Crammy, Torbeck, Hesselley.
A nightmare.
Well, at least it wasn't just me.
Did you wake us up?
Tell you?
No, not me.
I'm quiet as a church mouse.
I was simply just brushing all the ash out of the hearth.
And you can see she's got soot all over her dress.
Her rosy cheeks have soot on them.
She's very, she's very clearly been next to the fire for a significant amount of time.
She looks incredibly warm.
She's slightly sweaty.
Will somebody get Torbuck a glass of warm milk?
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Anybody else want anything else?
Anybody thirsty?
Torback?
Your cup of hot Jones can wait.
What's Jones?
I'm going to ask you one question.
I'm not going to be mad.
All right.
Did you kick over the structural support pillow that was keeping up this section of the blanket
fault, because it seems we've sacrificed structural integrity, and Grico ain't no slouts.
Torbeck thrashes in his sleep a little. It was probably Torback. Well, Torbeck, like I said,
I'm not mad, but I can forgive trying to stab me and inject my blood with toxic ooze.
But compromising the structural support of a pillow for,
I will not abide.
Just know this is going forward
if you value our friendship.
Torbeck has noted it.
Exactly.
Now we can move on his friends.
This is also the first time
we've slept.
Yeah.
Well, that's the student observation.
Does anybody want something to drink?
Or is it just some warm milk for Torbeck?
We'll get a round of Hot Jones for everyone.
I don't know what that is.
I don't know what that is either.
Frost would be at the door.
And I'm wearing my robe, having obviously switched into, like, more of a night
outfit.
A night robe?
But I'm wearing my robe almost like a bathrobe at this point, keeping it tucked at my sides.
But, yes, milk is indeed a good source of vitamin C and other nutrients.
I wouldn't mind a glass of warm milk.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll take some of that bean juice if you still got it.
Bean juice, two warm milks, one hot Jones.
Thank you.
Is it in the morning?
I mean, you fucking crazy?
2 a.m.
You just asked off and drink.
I'll drink of whiskey and bean juice.
Big juice is going to kick up.
What time is it, I assume, we got a long rest?
Huh?
I assume that we slept for the usual six to eight hours necessary to keep the body.
I don't know.
Torbeck normally sleeps for 22 hours.
trade.
Keep it in game, Torback.
That's too much time, Torback.
You're hurting yourself at that much sleep.
You all slept for quite a while.
I had enough time to play hide and seek with pig tunia.
She won.
I lost again.
Imagine that, you know, aren't pigs quite good at seeking out things?
You'd think I'd be able to find it really easy.
She goes,
but whenever we're playing hide and seek, she's quiet.
Instead of doing that, she goes,
You don't happen to have any truffles on you, do you?
Not on my physical person currently.
When you play hide and seek, do you have truffles on you?
No?
Just checking.
Hi.
Can you guys believe that 48 hours ago we were on Hague?
Where's that?
Man, a lot's happened.
What's an Hockway?
Oh, it's just the place.
It's the city.
where we were when we decided to go to a carnival
and then eventually found our way here to Prismere.
There's a lot of jazz.
Yeah, there's a lot of jazz.
That's for sure.
And bully wugs.
If you like jazz, there are these really nice snakes
that live over at the slanted tower.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, we had a spaghetti,
we had a snake-cooked spaghetti dinner from them.
Twigsie, you know, Mr. Snake, snake?
Oh, God.
Are you telling Torbeck that snakes cooked you spaghetti?
Oh, yes.
It was remarkable to watch.
They really put it on a plate to say that they cooked it as a bit of a, you know,
that's giving them a lot more than they really dessert.
Well, it wasn't raw, I guess, if that's your question.
Next, you're going to try to convince Torbeck that a shrimp fried that rice.
That's pretty funny.
No, Torbeck, it was a truly remarkable feat.
The wife cooked us a full spaghetti dinner with meatballs and everything.
She even had a hot pad.
It was really more like a sock that she put over her head.
Tell me more.
I will.
As soon as we get our milk and whatever hot Jones.
What is a hot Jones?
Hot Jones.
What's in it?
If you have to ask, you don't want it.
Is the displaced of his drink just heated up?
That's what you enjoy.
It came heated up.
Oh, it did.
Yeah. That's my furrow
to eat it up.
Oh, well, God.
I don't know, man. What the hell's a hot Jones, man?
You know, if you have to ask, you can't afford it.
We're not paying for any of these things.
What did you want for me?
I don't have to bring you anything.
If you're mad that I'm bringing beverages,
to work back ass for it.
And so I said I would do it, but I don't have to if it makes you upset.
Just a bottle of something.
Why?
Just anything to make me go to sleep.
I mean, assuming that it's like the middle of the night.
I mean, usually when I get woken up by a horrible night,
man, it's not like the morning.
Usually I don't get up and feel chipper, and I'm like,
oh, let's go start the day.
No, didn't you see the Blue Jays fly by with the sheets?
They're hanging on the window?
And you watch as you look, as a Blue J flies by the window,
its wings are protruding from the curved part of the J.
It doesn't have a T shape at the top like some Jays do
or a dot, because it's not a little.
lowercase. It's very clearly an uppercase J.
I propose that we renamed Torbeck Muzzy.
I was going to say
if a big mouth starts talking and sounds like
Winnie the Pooh and a cat appears,
I'm going to get freaked out and my whole childhood
is going to be very formated about that experience.
What's the poo?
And twig leaves and heads downstairs.
Hold on what time?
Oh, no, look. It's the wee hours of the morning
and I'll reach into my vest
and I'll pull out
with very clearly
a pocket wash
that's just whittled from wood
and it just says
the wee hours.
I pull out my actual
pocket pocket.
It also says
the we hours.
What the fuck?
It has an Allison Wonderland
face.
The wee hours.
I guess we didn't
get a rest, did we?
No.
You wake up and you feel like
you've had a lot of hours.
That's what we're waiting for.
Our DM.
What moved my pocket watch saying?
Your pocket watch is moving much faster than you expected it to.
You're physically watching it just go around in circles.
I've gotten all my beans back.
This thing is broken.
Oh, yeah, Gideon, I think you're right.
I don't think they cooked it when they thought that no one was looking.
They reached into the cupboard, and they pulled out a can that said,
chef boy or d
and it was a snake
yeah you saw that too
yeah yeah
I think they just popped the top run off
in the bowl
yeah I'm pretty sure they're supposed
to heat that up
yeah they didn't even heat it up
no she just moved around a little
just from a can
oh yeah
well it was all it was all in there
yeah I think it was one of those
one stop shop things
yeah yeah
like he and the sausages
oh
I hate Vienna.
We're going to talk about the fun of the bag.
We all have the same dream again.
I've been waiting for everyone to get their beverages.
Thank you, Gideon.
No, we got, listen.
And it's right around this time that Twig comes up with an overly large tray,
filled with drinks.
There are also some snacks on there.
These little frosted cookies that have what looked to be like licorice bows stuck to them.
She clearly baked them.
them all. There are muffins
that are shaped like toadstools.
They're frosted red.
With cute little
white or like creamish
candy drops to make it
look like a toadstool.
And she sets it down and she begins to
hand out the drinks.
Cremie, you get a bottle.
The label on it says something by twig.
You get two
frothing glasses of warm
milk. It's absolutely delicious.
Thank you.
You have your bean juice, which makes you, which immediately starts to perk you up.
And Grico, she hands you a wooden mug.
And as you look inside of it, there is a small pixie man.
He's very hot.
His name is Jones.
Oh, it's exactly what I wanted.
It's like golfers.
Caution content's high.
I love that, great.
Oh, it's a making.
Zero not Jones kid.
Okay, walk over to the microwave.
It's like when you put a Furby in a microwave.
I love you.
Get out of my cup hot, Jones.
He climbs out of the mug and flies up to the bookshelf.
There ain't no sentiment's chimney.
And you have an empty mug.
It's warm.
Did we all have the same kind of dream?
We all awoke at the same time.
that would indicate that we were under the influence of some
similar dream magic, but whether we experience the same thing, we need to explain what we saw.
I don't hope we all had different dreams.
Do you a bunch of drugs before bed again?
No, I...
Sure?
Torbeck's worrying.
Torbeck man, put you all in more danger.
What are you talking about drugs, shit?
I don't know.
Maybe he hit us with all that witchline.
We were on kind of like a fantasy quest in our dream space.
I think that we would all good.
friends Mr. Witton Miss Allied were secretly
lacing everything with
with drugs as soon as we entered their
establishment. I mean, what do you think was in that taffy?
Drugs? We ate so much of that tap.
No, that would have been like drug antidote, right? That's like anti-drugs.
Well, it's just uppers and downers, you know?
I mean, they give you something to
level you out and then get back into the game.
My pancreas is never going to recover from this.
We could still be in the carnival. This could all be a nightmare
hallucination. That's fair. I mean
grand total, that was only like
seven hours ago and that's after we slept.
So, wait.
There was that guy, a doctor
with the big mustache. Oh, yes.
The one with the white coat.
Yeah. The same one I saw
and we got those masks on our heads.
We did experience the same thing, right? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, no. And there was a guy
who's like, you know,
I was like, whoa.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Why are you watching all? Why are you always watching
Kingley types and looking at their
Whoa
I mean that's how you will
I know
I saw a too much
Yeah but like all of his visions are
Yeah but like all of his visions are about
People in throids
That's how you can judge the
Stock of a royal line
Crickote is
Royalty
Remember
No that was also drugs
Prisoner escaped
You need that crazy escape prisoners
How to kill us
Yes
Oh
Exactly right
Oh, no, there's an escaped maniac on the loose.
Yep, exactly right.
And like a boogeyman that goes bumping the night.
Oh, we have to leave, Twig.
It's been very wonderful.
Thank you for the approximation of Hot Jones.
We've got to get out of here.
But then's still moving.
Oh, he'll never catch up with us while we're in the moving in.
Oh, that's reassuring.
Oh, they ought to call it and out.
What was in your dream?
I didn't have one because I was wake, playing hide and seek with big tune, you're losing.
Would it be fair for Frost, too, to deduce that the prisoner mentioned in the dialogue?
Oh, yeah, everyone with Grico realizes immediately that it was definitely at Torback.
Including Torback?
Things are a little fuzzy for Torback, and Torbeck just doesn't mean his paws.
It's a good thing that's in is moving.
It sounded like they were looking.
for you.
No, Torbeck is very sorry if Torbeck causes more problems for everyone, especially Twig.
So that means there's a good chance you will follow.
Or they got some way of tracking them.
Yeah.
We all saw that fucking owl, right?
Oh, the owl.
Oh, shit.
That was kind of weird.
Yeah, no shit.
Well, there was a lot going on.
I need you all to
roll a D20 for me, please.
Just a D20?
Yeah, I'm supposed to dreading you.
I'm sure this would be fine.
Okay.
Three.
15.
I also got a 15.
Should one of us re-roll?
No.
Okay.
Four.
12.
Gideon, you develop an appetite for human bones.
Human bones.
You are incredibly paranoid and believe everyone
out to get you.
Oh, perfect.
12, you said,
you cannot tell the truth.
You love to lie, Frost.
And Grico and Torbeck,
you both immediately die from the
Royal.
Torbeck is wrong.
Welcome to the club, Dorbe.
Oh, no. You got 15 other Joneses
in the cabinet? Well, just in case
someone orders a hot Jones. You could have a hot Jones.
Oh, for consumption? I'll get a hot Jones.
You'll kind of eat him? Oh, yeah.
They got bones in them?
Give me a hot don't.
No, no, don't get him a hot jones.
Get me a hot jones.
I'm hungry.
Yeah, Skidian loves...
You like pixie bonds?
They're trying.
Oh, they're pixies?
Yeah.
Ugh.
I hate pixie bones.
You got the humans line around?
Or bones.
Human bones.
Maybe.
You guys roll up their hair.
I said, do you not.
Nah.
You just let me know if they're shifting into humans.
I'll just tackle them.
I'm not on at their bit.
Please go.
50.
50.
Rerol.
What is it?
It's a hex blood.
Oh, yeah.
That's no fun.
How are you getting hexblood?
83.
There's no way that's a hexblood.
You put to backslip.
No!
You spilled your milk sorbet.
Upper Blains dehumanoid.
Did he have 50 again?
No, that's 5.
Is that zero?
No, that's not zero.
That's 85.
85.
Oh, interesting.
Right?
Is that me?
I get to roll a D12.
85, yeah.
Why do you get to roll a D12?
Because.
Oh, no.
You need to be the master of the chart.
I really should.
I turn into a mammon tea fling.
What is that?
What the hell is a mammon tea fling?
A teetling of mammon.
Yeah, it's a teetling of the...
Oh, it's a place.
I think mammon is like...
Arched up.
Arched up.
I actually know.
I exactly know exactly how it's gone on that.
Of course you do.
A human...
You know, there might be...
I might be able to get you some.
Yeah, perfect.
I'd really hit the spot.
It would be long, dead humans, though.
I don't think that matters.
You know, whatever you got, I'm not really, you know...
They put the expiration date on.
It's really more of a suggestion.
You know, in my experience, I'll eat whatever you got.
Okay.
Did they just OD?
Oh, shit.
They're fucking dead.
I forgot.
You all have feds in the Faywild?
Is there any sort of like federal agent that like, you know,
where drugs are illegal and like we could get in big trouble if we were found with two dead people that died of overdoses?
No.
It's probably drugs.
I'm sure there's no common element to or poison in any of our drinks.
Fuck.
Oh, God, kid.
We really got to get out of here.
What are you made?
Are they dead?
I wouldn't know.
I'm not saying you did it.
She might have done it, Kim.
I didn't.
Wait, you didn't.
Poisoned him?
What are you talking about?
You remember what she turned into a crazy, horrible monster and helped us fight?
Okay.
Crazy, horrible, you know, kind of still cute, kind monster?
I can't.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's okay.
All right.
Well, so, and then she fought him?
Oh, yeah.
No, maybe it wasn't her.
Maybe it was.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Mm, oh, yes, Torbeck has finally experienced the sweet release.
of death. Oh, Torbeck is back. Welcome back, Torbeck. Torbeck was happy with the infinite abyss.
And now Torbeck is back in the inn.
Um, what happened?
Ugh. From lack of funds.
Hey. Does you have gold to you?
Yeah, no, I am. I, I, oh, no, my color's fading. I need a little bit more, uh, the only remedy is gold.
Wait, what?
Do you want to eat it?
A golden bow?
Bell.
Bell?
Yeah, like ringy-ding-ding.
What's the...
What's the market price of that?
I don't know.
I'll take it.
I don't have it in my hands right now.
I'll go get it when I get the pile of bow.
Oh, this is just a canary.
You just crushed Todd Jones.
Was that Jones?
Yeah, he's dead.
Oh, God.
I'll go bury him with Frederick.
And she comes over and she grabs him.
Yeah, I told you.
The fans of the shapeshifting devils, we really got it
the fuck out of it. I don't think. I don't know what
pervy he made the feds have, but
I don't think they could have when they were dead.
They definitely can't help when they've been resurrected as a cat.
And,
um,
the word you're looking for
is Tiefling.
Torbeck is confused as to why Torbeck
looks like Frost.
It is indeed a
that's not confusing at all. It makes perfect sense.
Is this something that happens?
Normally?
Well, I mean, it's happened before, but this is awfully suspicious that it happens.
The morning after the thing, we had the dream, and this is all too, it's all lining up.
Torbeck is used to having fur, but not being so frail.
Look, look, yeah, I'm telling you, look, maybe we just, maybe we just kill him again
and just make him stay down, you know what I mean?
And then we'll be fine, then we'll get out of here and that, that owl, you know, he might,
he might chase us, but can you, you can't really punch you out.
Hey, Crammy, I've been doing some thinking.
What the fuck you're gonna say?
Do you know how long we've worked?
together, Cremie?
I've never seen you before my fucking life.
Do you know how many back wages you owe me?
It doesn't owe you any bag wages.
You're not, Gricco.
I knew it.
I knew you ain't Grico.
Then why do I know that you owe me exactly 78,462 gold pieces of the back wages that you just paid me with I owe yous?
Huh?
I pulled a piece of paper with all these guys.
Oh, fuck.
Oh my God.
Undercover.
This is truly perplexing.
Yeah.
No, I would like all of that right now with interest.
Well, I mean, right now, look, on the count of three, all right?
Yeah, I'm with you now.
All right.
What starts collecting on debts?
Something fucking weird is going on here.
Look, you snap, you snap Bricko's neck.
Okay.
Deal with a toll back all right?
Yeah, that's fine.
I'll do that.
I'll get that.
Yeah.
Hi.
Twig.
Hey, Twigs, hey.
Hey, Twigs, Twigs, what's up?
Oh, I can't do this.
plan right now. I gotta eat a sack of bones.
Wait a what? You too?
You have the golden ballroom, man?
Yeah, right here you go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You're welcome. You're welcome. I appreciate it.
Cremie, this isn't important. There probably
is no reason for concern at this time.
What kind of boons are they, if you don't mind me
asking? Oh, bones
that were given to me as a gift
from my hospitality and for a room
from someone who
was part of the soggy court.
Oh, like real expensive bones?
Like soggy bones?
I don't know where they came from, but you know
I'll take him
Oh, hey, no, you can't handle
What the hell's the matter with you?
Do you know how much soggy bones could fetch?
No, they're not.
No, they're not.
Now, listen, they're for eating.
You don't sell soggy bones.
The bones aren't soggy.
Nobody's going to buy soggy bones?
And she starts to, she starts to, like,
meld with her shadow.
Nope, it's going to be okay.
It's going to be okay.
He didn't mean what he said about your twig.
He didn't mean it.
rake it in? You didn't mean it?
I don't even say, I don't mean it.
Yeah, why are you saying? In size of bones?
We should probably charge him triple for the price and split the gold.
You don't charge anything.
Well, that's your first problem.
What the fuck are you doing?
Don't...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's fine.
Twig, what are you doing?
What are you doing today?
You got to clean...
You got to clean some stuff.
You gave people hot Jones.
You gave somebody a bottle of something, two people died.
people die in your house. There's no reason
to get angry. Everything's going to be fine.
Don't you dare make me boggered out.
Listen, I just want those bones. Okay.
What kind of bones? Soggy, not soggy?
Normal bones? I'll let's screen it one more time.
Okay.
They're from the soggy cord. That's the bully wugs that live
outside of Scabith's house.
Oh, they bullywug bones? Are the human bones?
No, they're human bones.
Oh, thank goodness.
It was just one of the, one of the members of the
soggy court came to stay inside of my in ones.
And, you know, the rules, they had to give me something.
I don't really want the bones, but they gave them to me anyway.
For what it's worth, Twig, Torbeck really enjoys your coping mechanism.
It's not that uncommon for Torbeck to talk to himself, to calm himself down as well.
I'm sorry, I stop listening to you.
Most people do.
No, it's just so weird that you look at.
exactly like frost.
It is pretty weird.
But you're not wearing frost clothes, though.
Wait, does he actually look like frost?
He looks exactly like frost.
Oh, is he like naked frost at one time?
Why isn't he wearing?
Oh, this is a pretty good acting here.
We can charge a lot of money for.
Huh?
Huh?
What do you mean?
Did you know that we don't use money in the Fay Wild?
What?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's the big one.
Bricko, are you all right?
It looks like you might be dying again.
Oh, I'm dying again.
The only cure is cold.
Our equivalent in the silver or like Trump.
I don't take copper pieces.
I'm not really sure why you resurrect as a cat.
You resurrect as a debt collector.
Torbeck, couldn't tell you.
Welcome.
You're the equivalent of, oh, wow.
That's happening.
It's going straight.
Well, some friends you are.
Unbelievable.
Oh, at least, I guess, chew them.
I don't know.
Yeah, you can't chew bones.
You just swallow them whole.
You ever eat like a chicken bone one time?
You don't chew it up.
You're taking down.
Try not to.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What?
It's just horrifying.
Well, you gave them to them.
It's kind of your stuff.
You asked for them.
Well, that's true.
Why do you keep human bones lying around?
I didn't want them.
I just explained you why they were here.
fucking respect for what his bones
they are.
I have respect.
Are bones
a common gift in this kind of
in this part of the
Faywild? Well, you go to the soggy court.
Sure, bones are all over the place.
Probably.
Is that true?
Did I say it wrong
again? You should probably keep
antagonizing twig and not comforting her.
Oh, well,
there's soggy bones. I mean,
you know, they're
mediocre.
She turns around and runs down the stairs crying.
Oh, Frosty, man.
They're so good at things.
I can't believe you would do that.
I don't get the sense.
That's unbelievable.
Okay.
Not from you.
Okay?
I just don't like who you've become.
Well, you know, that's what you, you know, what you see is what you get.
I'm a pot-bellied golden tafling now.
I got little tiny horns.
I'm not much taller.
Like filet.
Yeah.
No, no, no, you look like the fucking yellow guy from Sin City.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
The guy from Carnival.
Torbeck would also like to just go on record
and saying that Gideon is eating the bones the right way.
Oh, did you want some?
Oh, no, no bones for Torbeck, thank you.
Oh, well, good.
How used to make me make like a human, you know,
we can put them in a pot and crummy.
Crammy?
You are good, making a stock and I brought.
Can you roll a D.
20 for me please.
I'm just stuck on my
20s.
Oh, it's it.
Taste some bad.
I'm kidding.
18.
You become a proud nudist.
Am I still paranoid
that everyone's out of
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I haven't gotten
rid of the first one.
I've just decided to
staff them on you.
Oh, my God.
My clothes.
They've been tainted.
They've been tainted.
What do you mean?
Tainted by what?
By, by,
all the feds.
All the feds, they're all in your
clothes and your fine silken clothes.
I'll take them for safekeeping.
Please, please.
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Ooh, yeah, take that off.
Absolutely, absolutely.
It's divination magic.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
Here we go.
We don't want to wrinkle it.
Okay, here we go.
Mr. Kremi, you have the right idea.
Torbeck is with you, and he begins to drop out and disrupt.
Okay.
Why's everybody just getting naked here?
Torbeck has been reduced to his natural state and inspired by Mr. Kremi.
His divination enchanted thread, Gid.
Gid.
Foss, talk some sense into him, man.
They just struck down to their bare,
I can't say that I understand the feeling to disrobe suddenly at all.
It's probably not a fake curse.
Well, shit, you guys just wanted to do this normal for no reason to hope?
How are you going to cook me human bones soup?
You're naked.
Torbeck, you look terrible.
Why can't I cook naked, kid?
Derek, I'd like you to roll it to you twice for me, please.
Now you will more easily tell the difference between Torbeck and Frost.
Torbeck, any feelings of abandonment or displacement that I might have had as friends in this group
certainly aren't being heightened by your current appearance.
Roll again for me, please.
Listen, Frost. That joke that Torbeck made all those years ago was just a joke.
Torbeck would never try to replace Frost.
16.
Your knee puck start moving around under your skin.
becomes a flopping penis.
You don't notice any change in yourself.
Well, that's one way to tell
the difference between us.
Well, you know, it's been a pleasure.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
I got to go.
I can't eat all these.
I can't eat all these bones in here
with all these flopping pieces.
I'll take those bones off your hands.
I'll take your bones off your hands, okay?
I wish they would put their bones away, so I'm going to enjoy these bones.
This is a natural state, dude.
No, it's not.
Your natural state.
I've never seen you without a two-piece lapel on, man.
That's your natural state.
Yeah, and now that I feel this way, I mean, I've been restricted my whole life.
700-count Egyptian thread cotton woven in to the silken la belle is what you have said your natural state was from the moment I met you.
Well, those 725 Egyptian thread counts were a prison.
And now I'm free gear. You should be happy for me.
Oh, Mr. Dremie is right.
I mean, look at us. Look at him.
I got to use a little Tifling's room.
Frost, uh, Nike, I would like you to roll a deep on your apartment.
Frost has the right idea.
I'm going to take a wicked piss.
I understand what you mean perfectly, Torbeck.
Uh-oh.
Careful where you swing that thing, Frost.
Swing what thing?
Careful, careful.
I don't understand what you're saying.
I got a good giant piece coming out of your house.
immediately die.
So I'm going to the bathroom
and you'll hear like rustling and grunting
as I get into
I get into like a suit.
Are you gonna pull an Elvis?
Somebody give me a veta butter
and banana sandwich.
No, I will get into a really bad disguise
with a big mustache and then I'll knock on the door.
Hey, did anyone order a Fed extermination service?
A very expensive Fed extermination.
Well, there he goes again.
Mike, can you send me that list so I can manage it?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You can just go literally just Google
Expanded Reincarnation list.
Here, I can send it to you, too.
Oh, my God.
I think there are assassins around.
Oh, I just don't get why everyone's been
struck and fucking crazy by something.
I'm completely unaffected.
I don't think we're in any danger.
There's not going to be any problem.
Yeah, can you roll a D-100 for me?
Oh, you got it?
Yeah.
Torbeck is becoming increasingly concerned that Frost might knock himself out.
I'm not sure what you mean.
I know exactly what you mean.
This is difficult to maintain.
Don't throw your head backwards like that.
You're going to mushroom stab yourself.
No, you're good.
I suppose that makes sense.
You watch as where Grico, who had become a mammon teethling,
dropped dead.
You begin to see his body elongate.
you see his muscles ripple
that similar green color
begins to come back to his body
but he is
what? Is he wearing my suit?
He is
and you see how the suit
contours to his form for a minute
but he does not stop growing
if the suit begins to rip in the seams and tear
as where had been
Grigo and then
a mammothed teethling is
Now an ork in shredded clothing.
I'm walking here.
This is certainly no cause for concern.
Oh, my God.
My clothes killed him.
Either that or it was an assassin.
I can't talk to you right now.
I can't talk to you right now either.
What are you talking about?
You have a penis on your face.
You have a penis on your body.
Everybody's naked.
We all got a penis is on the bodies, gear.
Yeah.
Well, not everybody's totally stark.
naked while they have penises on their bodies.
Here's the problem to get it's your clothes.
No, no, no, no.
There's some sort of magical enchantment on your clothes.
I like you to roll a D20 for me, please.
Certainly, yes.
Making you crazy.
Don't you start talking to my clothes.
I'm not taking my clothes off.
Let me help you out.
No, don't we're talking about.
No, get off me.
Join us, Gideon, please.
Get naked.
Get it, come on.
Mr. Jaime or Rice.
D4.
All right, please.
Think of the fatal government.
We've done a lot of bad stuff.
The failure of the wrong government.
We've done a lot of bad stuff.
You know a lot of bad stuff, you know.
It's really good.
You become a spring alladron.
As you watch, as yet again,
Torback begins to change.
Where once had been,
a penis-lose-nosed frost is now a beautiful spring alladron.
You guys flavored them as, I can't remember.
So if you're gonna keep consistent with my summer.
Summer. Summer. Summer. You were spring in me.
That's what I was.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're, yeah.
Oh, whoa.
Oh, g-d-do-k. Oh, no.
Well.
Oh, what?
Is everything good with you, Bricko?
Oh, geek, do-key.
Oh, no.
That was some sort of transmogrification.
transmogrification to see you get what you want i don't i don't want anything
why you're doing that with your eyes man are you okay
work work wait i stand up getting in the tatters face
Thank God.
Work, work, work.
And I walk over to the side of the wall
and then start smashing it to the side of the...
Yeah, just keep doing that.
That's very nice.
I'm sure people appreciate it.
No, we're gas here, man.
Frosty talks some sense into it.
Go down and break through the wall.
Keep doing.
No, don't keep on it.
Something you do me?
Wait a minute.
I don't have an idea.
Twig, it's very important that you don't bring
any beverages upstairs.
It's extremely important.
for our own health and safety
that you do not bring
any kinds of remedies upstairs.
Do you understand me?
And I'm going to walk, I'm going to turn,
and I'm going to start walking to get drinks.
More work.
I pray this doesn't work.
I'm going to go into the cabin.
I'm trying to find into the drink cabinet.
Sure.
Roll an investigation check and disadvantage.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just going to have like what, negative three,
and tell it.
Oh, natural 20 and it's 16.
That's pretty fucking good.
Uh, 17.
You got natural 20 minutes of 17.
Yeah, because the other one was 16.
Okay.
Oh, because you're at disadvantage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, you are looking around and you,
you're looking for a drink cabinet specifically,
and you...
Misunderstanding what Frost said.
You do eventually find a cabinet that seems to be,
filled with sachets of tea leaves.
But you don't find a cabinet
that seems to have additional beverages.
Work, work.
Very good, Bricko.
I just imagine the shit out of it.
Is he down the hallway?
Something doing.
He's doing downstairs.
Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Ugh.
Ah!
Hachoo!
I don't dare me.
Dissue.
Oh my God.
That dust, I got no allergic reaction to that at all.
He's doing that.
Yes, yes, yes, exactly what I wanted.
Please continue.
Zung Zung!
It has never been more happy to be alive.
This is absolutely fantastic.
Look, he's got the right idea.
I'm still completely naked, only now I'm hairless.
It's even morphering without the hair.
This is who Torbeck was the whole time.
Torbeck can only hope.
Well, I mean, it's weird that, I mean...
Gideon, roll a D20 from a place.
If Torbeck had to experience the pain of death
and the infinite abyss to experience this,
well, it was all worth it.
19.
Tobeck, I'm about to blow your mind.
When you refer to yourself, try saying, I,
Torback.
Let's try again.
I, Torback.
I mean, the completely different word, you understand, like it's two syllables versus one.
There's no consonants in what I'm saying.
You're saying like three consonants.
No, how about this?
Try saying me.
Torbek.
I'm not sure why this is relevant in the fucking slightest.
I'm trying to just give them a sense of ownership of itself.
Oh.
Work, work, work.
I'm going to come in.
And over my shoulder is a bunch of shards of, like, dresser and, like, lots of deities.
Shattered, planks of wood.
Shattered planks of wood, shattered porcelain.
And I'm just going to go, I'm just going to awkwardly walk with the shuffling, walking animation over to Frost bed and just chuck it on.
there. Oh, thank you, Grico.
That's where that goes.
Swir-T-Wir.
And I'm to turn around.
Something you're doing?
I'm going back and just smashing this shit out of him.
Well,
Grico seems busy.
Um, I mean, is that Grico?
I don't really know anymore in terms of identity.
You still think you're a Torbeck.
Of course. Torbeck is Torbeck.
You would think that, right?
but I mean, if you would have died and come back,
who's to say you're even the same person?
What if that person that died is really dead?
And when you came back, you were given all those memories.
Tobac does not like this strain of frost.
No, Torbeck. No, no, stop.
You must be totally stop.
Do not torture Tobolbeck like this.
And as this is happening, Gideon, you were staring at Torbeck.
And your eyes drift down to his...
clearly waxed physique and you realize that where nipples should be are two spinning
torbeck heads. You're spinning and spinning and spinning and you don't quite know why.
And then as you look up, you realize that are those tentacles coming out of the ceiling
as you were overcome by psychedelic hallucinations?
Are they like actual doorback heads?
Yes.
Like bug beared bear.
Oh my.
Oh my.
Idiot, are you all right?
You're staring at Torback very strangely.
I'm looking you right in the face, man.
No, please, Giddykin, Torbeck's faces up here.
Uh, oh, oh, oh, no, man.
Oh, you gotta see the tentacles coming out of the ceiling?
Oh my God.
Idiin's definitely not gone.
You pull on your face and you realize it's melting.
Your face is made of wax.
It liked Guy from Sin City.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, somebody stopped the nipples from spending so much.
And the tentacles from having their way with me.
Gideon, you're probably not having hallucinace her.
Oh, God, dear.
Are you been stricken with second side or do you just take drugs?
No.
What?
It's a close.
Come on.
Come on, help me out here.
Yeah, I'll try anything at this point, man.
Tentacles, this broke, man.
Yes, Gideon, the time is now.
Please join us.
Gets naked.
Okay.
Okay, Monkeys.
Okay, whatever do you say.
You hope Gideon get naked,
and it's right around this time
that Twiga comes upstairs.
She's wearing very large gardening gloves.
She's got a beekeeper's helmet,
or beekeeper's hood over her head.
It is over her bonoenix.
her bonnet too. She has her pair of glasses on, but over that she has a pair of goggles.
She's wearing what appear to be overly dirty overalls and big, big, like, water boots.
Oh, fuck, the Fator Rollins are here to blast this home. Oh, my God!
Do you not need your help?
She looks between all of you as she reaches into a pouch at the side, at the side of her
of her hip.
And
why is it a wrecked now, Derek?
Something about beekeeper helmet
on it?
Wow, Frost, that's
that's even far for tobacco.
What is?
Please, please,
be careful what you can point to that thing.
Point one thing.
Oh, fuck, when did a run I'll get here?
I have since
basically made several trips, and
the entire rest of the camera I went to,
The wreckage is on frostbed.
I'm just been standing there.
Something you doing?
The room starts to melt away
as it swirls around the orc
is sitting in like a Buddha seat
as the colors swirl together.
Hello, hello, hello.
Is there anybody in there?
As the orpion head started like
and starts singing pink foil again.
We haven't damaged your house.
We do not need any help at this time.
She completely ignores you as she looks around.
She sees her in being completely destroyed,
and she pulls out a very large sunflower,
and she begins to squeeze the stem of the sunflower,
and it begins to squirt rainwater all over all of you.
And she is just raining,
rainwater all over me.
Me, not that kind of art.
I hope this doesn't fix it.
You should up. Stop being around.
I hope it doesn't awaken anything, right?
And she just, she just spraying you all.
And as you feel the water washing over you,
at first you're alarmed by it,
but you eventually feel yourself coming to your senses.
And your penis nose goes away.
The feeling of needing to lie goes away.
Oh.
You still want to eat human bones.
But the hallucinations are washed away.
As, and DM, feel free to say that this doesn't happen.
I'm not done explaining what's going on.
You feel yourself come back to normal.
You are ashamed now that you are not wearing any clothes,
and you see that your clothes are in tatters on Grico's gigantic orc form.
No!
Grico, you are Grico, but your body does not.
change back into that of a goblin, but you retain your Grico mind.
You still do it.
Similar thing happens to you as well, Torbeck.
You feel that you were Torbeck, but your body is still that of a spring Eladron.
Oh, no, please don't turn Torbeck back to...
Oh.
What?
That's very sad.
It's a little sad.
It sounds like you're back a little bit, at least a little.
You're no longer Gorko.
I wanted to make that joke earlier, but I was a liar.
Me need.
Twig, thank you for ignoring me.
I couldn't tell the truth, and I had no way of getting around that problem and ask for help.
Glicko destroyed the main room of the inn.
I'm sorry.
My life's work has been splintered and just...
Surely Torback and the rest of his friends can help you.
I know I can.
I will make this right.
I have the ability to mend as you saw.
He smashed all of my hot Jones.
Every last one.
Oh, it's just all on Frosty's bird.
You killed 32 Hot Jones?
Yeah, you're going to have to dig some more graves out bad.
Oh, it's not splinters.
It's not Grico's blood.
It is just Jones blood.
Oh, yeah, tiny ribs.
Tiny, tiny ribs.
Good as new.
I don't think Greg goes back.
I think he's a Muppet or something.
Are we all...
Do you have any more of that sunflower?
Are you able to help the rest of my friends return back to their normal state?
Help!
Help, Torbeck does not need any help.
I can help with whatever ails you mentally,
but your physical transformation,
I don't know why a penis went away.
I think it's because I didn't want you to sneeze anymore,
and I wished for it really hard.
What penis?
The only issue I had was that I couldn't call the truth.
What do you mean?
Oh, my God.
You had a giant tag of penis growing out of your toes.
Giant penis?
Mm.
Mm.
Can everyone put some fucking clothes on?
I grab my hat and I'm just like holding it.
In front of my nether region.
Why is your sleeve stuck together like it's glued?
What?
Grico cannot help that Kremi has extra tight fans.
This is just how Griko stands now.
This looks like a fucking roll of gold coin.
It's a nightmare.
It's like if you were to put a thong over an elephant.
Yes.
Their head, though, you know?
I suddenly feel like spaghetti dinner.
Can you put my clothes back together for a house?
Oh, yes, I'll be in there.
I don't know what happened.
to you. Never do that in my house ever again?
We weren't able to control ourselves, and as I'm talking, I'm using my psionic abilities to
re-stitch where the tears are and working peppers back together.
You owe me.
Take my fucking pants off.
That is terrific.
Torbeck is alarmed.
I think we should all just be really pleased and happy that Hootsey's been downstairs the whole time.
She's in a corner of the room.
Down the downstairs, you know, like a business with a hard cut to Tutsi's doing a paint by number.
Downstairs.
Background or Grico was like, whoa.
She's matching the cabinet.
She's like, oh, that's fine.
It's so big.
Hmm?
Oh, me and decent.
Miko put on clothes.
Be careful, Dway.
Step back.
I think three quarters your height.
Hurry it up, Fros.
I don't get dressed.
It takes as long as it's going to take.
I'm working as fast as I can, but there's a limit.
Yeah, take some of this pillow for it, man.
Rub yourself up.
For what you've done to my house.
Put your shirt back on gear.
Have some respect.
Oh, God.
I forgot I was completely naked.
Well, I don't know if I got you all the way undress.
At least pause.
No, try toga. It's very freeing.
Torbeck was very thorough.
My pants are off.
Oh, that's absolutely.
I understand that all you want to talk about is the fact that you're naked, but you've destroyed my hunts.
Yeah, Gideon, you destroy house.
Stop talking.
Okay.
Look, let me.
Oh, like, I'm going to get to work right away at redeeming ourselves.
No, that's not what's going to do it.
Okay.
And I want to go on an area.
adventure. Okay. Well, say the word. We're kings of adventure.
What kind of adventure would you do? I know. Where are you guys going to next?
We had a couple of them. To find new tailor.
Where do you buy pants, Gercow?
Where's this, uh, where's this end currently walking to? I mean, that's kind of our biggest hang up.
I was where you said you guys had to go next. Yeah. Well, we can't find telling me how it's
nowhere to be found.
Wait, is telling me he'll before or after we're going to meet with this bear and prince of him.
Oh, we got to find Greta the Goblin. What was the name?
Jingle Jingle Jingle the Goblin.
No, that was good. I think it was Grixie or something.
No, it was Jingle Jingle.
No, the one with all the keys.
The Pixies?
I think one of your wives is named Grixie.
Oh, that's entirely possible.
I can only keep about three or four from my head at once, and even then.
Torbeck is slightly out of the loop.
Torbeck, of course, has no home or know what to go,
so Torbeck is more than happy to accompany all of his best friends.
Just fill Torbeck in, please.
I'm still completely naked.
So why?
Gricka wants to fit in.
I just dropped my choga.
Very well, Gricka.
Thunk.
Oh, my.
Well.
Oh, me.
Elephant.
Is that the sunflower again?
See my tron.
It makes sense that we can't find the goblin named Jingle-Jangle.
The Tell me Hill, I understand, is a moving hill.
Yes.
The Tell me Hill is, the best way to describe it is, it is a hill d'Aboos.
Yes.
Oh, so the hill itself is essentially an entity.
Okay.
And it is,
it can't talk for something,
the hell, you know.
Okay.
She gets that in some of the show.
I was almost there.
She snaps her fingers,
and you watch as,
as Pig Tuna makes her way over to Grico
and snorts all over you,
and you find that you are unable to speak.
He's still totally made it.
The only one
concerned that Grickle might be having a stroke.
No, he does this sometimes.
Don't worry about you.
Usually it only happens
that when you punch him in the face once
and he starts to do this.
It's a possible pig to him
just broke his jaw.
She spit on him and it broke his jaw.
He's a little bit of a light feather, you know,
as it is.
He looks pretty rough.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't mind if you actually
broke his jaw, you know, for good measures.
No. He's not talking. If I break his jaw, he's going to start selling bopsicles.
As you breathe in this strange pig magic, you feel your body shrink down and you become a goblin, but you're still silenced.
All right. Torbeck thinks it's extra important that he mentioned something right this instant.
Please keep the pig far away from Torback. This is an incredible upgrade for Torback. Very rarely does anything go well for Torback.
This is going very well. Torback would like to stay like this.
Oh, I have no control over that.
But sure.
Picturingian doesn't have to go anywhere near you.
You're fine, I guess.
Anyway, telling me hill is a hill, right?
And it's a sentient hill, but it can't talk because it's a hill.
That would be really weird.
It's a sentient hill?
Yeah, totally.
That's why I moves around.
It is a hill that is a creature, or is it a hill that is...
It has the capacity for thought, and how do we know this?
How have you heard this?
Oh, because it is covered with willow trees, and it talks to people through the willow trees.
And Jingle Jangle is on Tellem Hill.
Yeah, Jingle Jangle has a house at the very top of Telling Me Hill.
It's not really a house as much as it is a cave with a keyhole-shaped door,
and she's become best friends with Telling Hill.
They protect each other and stuff.
And the last I heard, a little birdie told me this, and I do mean that.
It was a birdie that came over and told me.
apparently there were some hair gone ruffians out and about
and they had cost a jingle jangle they stole some of her keys
they called her a bunch of mean things pushed her around
she was really sad and crying so she ran up to the hell
and she hasn't left her little house ever since
well that's very important information
I'm glad you told us all of that in spite of our behavior and appearance
you looked like you were really out of your minds
I want to blame you for what you did
But your nose was a penis
You're not even who you used to be
I don't believe
Everyone was making at one point
And I just feel like
I just feel like as much as I want to be really mad
And I did almost bogart out downstairs
I can't be as mad as I want to be
Because I don't know what happened to you
And I think it might have been my fault
I don't have any recollection of having a nose penis
but everyone seems to be in agreement.
No, you did.
Here's, here's...
Now you smell like those trees that smell exactly like penis.
And your sleeve is just stuck together.
Oh, do you mean?
In the spring, it smells like spurn?
Yeah, you got, they're like spurn trees.
You smell just like it.
I hate those trees.
They're all over this awful place in the Faywild.
It's actually...
It's actually...
No, there's this horrible place in the Faywild
just in the Merkin Draw called Peiwild.
Pennsylvania, and those trees are everywhere.
It's all over Pennsylvania and the Merkandraw, man.
My God, this is a real thing?
Oh, yeah, sperm trees? Yeah, it smells just like them.
That's how you know you had a penis nose.
Yeah, when they're blooming in the spring, well, it's never really the spring in the
Merkin draw.
They're just awful trees.
They smell like sperm.
Twixie, I kind of assume you've been in here all by yourself.
I'm surprised you know what sperm trees smell like, but...
Well, so here's the first.
So here's the thing.
Before the hag showed up and splintered Prismere into their three horrific little realms of their own, it used to be a really beautiful place.
And at the end of the road used to be able to go everywhere.
I could go all over the Fay Wild if I wanted to.
I mean, I stuck to Prismere, but I could go all over it if I wanted to.
Now I'm stuck in hither, and I'm never going to be able to get out.
Ever.
Well, we can probably change that.
That's the plan.
After what I watched today, I don't think you'll be able to accomplish anything of value.
Grigo?
Can you speak to you, me, in your mind?
Am I able to do that?
That depends.
Wait, quick, closely.
It looks like you were trying to say something, and I don't like to do charades, as you know.
Charrades are really fun.
Well, there's a time of place.
It's lucky, you know, when you're meeting with Lodge, the new couple.
in town and you don't have anything.
No, you can't hear anything.
No, you reach out, but it's like his mind has been
silence.
The magic of silence is broken, broken mind
ability to communicate with you, Grico.
I see that you need something, but you can buy my popsicle
anywhere.
You see the sound of wind whistling through a game.
Grigo, Grigo, Grico, Briko, Twiggo.
This is hugely important information.
When you say you want to go on an adventure with us,
do you want us to perhaps make pretend and simulate an adventure here,
or are you looking to join our party and go on a quest?
Yeah, I was thinking that I would pack up the end at the end of the road.
I mean, never get any visitors anyway outside of you guys in the longest time.
So I figured I'd just pack it up and just travel with you for a while.
Can we just use the end to get around, you know, instead of walking,
to the swamp.
This seems a lot easier.
In's really slow.
In's really slow, Grammy.
How far we moved since this started?
Like, not at all.
We could have walked three to four times
the distance that the ends made.
Well, I think we know why we haven't found.
Tell me, Hill.
We're still in the same fucking spot
with where we started.
Only five minutes have passed.
My milk is still warm.
This has been a crazy five minutes.
But the thing is
you were able to get a long rest
what you couldn't have done if you were walking on your feet.
That's right.
I mean, that's very true.
It's the best in both worlds.
But it has a lot of good things about it.
Oh, really had a time crunch?
I mean, this is just awfully nice.
Cremie will walk, get exercise,
we'll be able to talk and see the sights of Prismere,
and then we'll have an inn every single time we decide to stop.
Did you just a hand?
Did you sneeze in your milk?
It has a weird film on the top.
I thought that you frosted it, but I do see now what has happened.
Torbeck is with Mr. Krami.
Torbeck agrees.
Torbeck has no plans, past, present or future.
Torback has never really had plans with anyone outside of guys' nights.
Torback is in.
When I was in a rush.
Well, and he's a perfect example.
I mean, the only thing that's a time crunch for us was getting back to Garu
and paying off our debt.
But we had like a month to do that.
He was in the Fay Wild for like an hour without us, and he's been there for years.
Don't remind you, Tomi.
Oh, yeah.
Well, sorry about that.
They remind me about Gru.
Well, all I'm saying is, we might be able to be here for, like, we can be here for like, you know, 20 years and it'll be like maybe a week in the real world.
You want to stay with me for 20 years?
No, no, that's not what I said.
Tollbeck was in a crippling mind prison.
Twig, listen, man.
It would not be a burden to stay with you for 20 years.
You're very sweet.
Thanks, boss.
I mean, I honestly wouldn't mind it.
I mean, this could be our base of operations.
We can relax, hang out, have a drink, have a drink.
I haven't smoke.
We can chat, plate cards.
Torbeck can't remember the last time he had milk that wasn't sour or chunky.
Well, he can't get the milk anymore.
He went downstairs and broke straight into the cabinet, all of it's on the floor.
No, we're going to fix all that.
We can just use wizard magic and just...
Can't...
Frost can do that.
He can just do...
You know what I mean?
Well, he killed all the Johns, okay?
We can't have any more Hot Joneses.
Well, yeah, the Joneses did.
Oh, here's the thing, okay?
Do you hear that?
Yes.
There's someone yelling at the...
the night.
Who she must have completed one of her
one of her
drawings.
Yeah.
Paint by numbers.
Anyway,
you're
not really welcome here anymore.
That was brutal even
by Tollbeck standards.
Oh, I guess we did
sort of wreck the place twice.
Yeah.
They're packing up and come with you on an adventure.
But...
Yeah, we can do that.
You're really,
gonna have to work for it if you want to stay back in this place again because he was unhinged
he was Grico unchained when he was downstairs oh no the hags are out hmm well perhaps it was one
of those owls no fucking way it's tom right he couldn't have made it to the faywild
tom if it's fucking tom from outside of outside of magical place oh do you mean old musical time
Oh, fuck, it could be Tom, man.
Oh, wow.
I forgot about Tom.
Just saying that the top of his fucking lungs
while we were getting the prelude to our big quest.
Fucking Tom.
Just out in the fucking middle of the pumpkin patch,
singing, like not a damn care of the world.
Shut the fuck up, Tom.
The tourback's not sure, but that sounds pretty whimsical to tourback.
Yeah, I've been looking...
I haven't heard Tom seen outside of this place
in probably 200 years.
Wow.
We will earn your trust again, Quay.
I hope so.
And is there anything that I can,
if there's anything extra special
before we pack it up,
that you would like repaired immediately,
I'm happy to do it now.
My entire main floor?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it was pretty fucked up.
You should have seen him.
I was standing there in front of the hearth,
and he was just slamming his head and everything,
drooling all over the place.
I could hear it.
Yeah, he picked up one of the meat cutters,
and he was using it like an act.
and trying to chop down a pillar in my house like it was a tree.
He really zug-zugged.
Oh, man.
He sure did.
You gotta know when he gets in a state like that,
you got to grab a blackjack and just whack him over the back.
That's straighten him right out.
Not tall enough.
And I was too scared to go full boggart.
Oh, yeah.
You have no way to put him back how he was?
He is how he is.
He's a little tiny goblin, already said.
Wait.
Is he the goblin currently?
You can look at him right now.
Why he's keeping,
why he's continuing to make that face?
I don't know.
Well, I think it's because he's big spit on him.
He fucking melted his mind.
No,
it's because he finished my milk.
He was silenced,
and then he lobomized him with big snuck,
you know?
I think that might be why his face doesn't work too good no more.
To be very,
he died twice and less than a minute.
It could have been that.
It could have been that.
Do you think that he's in a state
now? I mean, his head's lolling all
over the place, so I'm thinking no.
But do you think he'll eventually get
to a state where I can unsilience him?
I do know how to solve this problem.
Let's take him downstairs
and we'll get him with Hootsie
and he'll be back to his normal
good nature itself.
Oh, Hootsie.
one of the casualties of his
world Graham page
What are you talking about right now?
He hit her in the head with a cabinet
Oh my gosh
He hit our niece in the head
With a cabinet
A whole cabinet while she was painting
And color of mine
Full of plates and other
ceramic wares
Yes
Is she okay? We gotta take a look at her immediately
She doesn't matter what is happening
Why didn't you leave with that?
Is this like the pumpkin?
Is this like the peanut allergy?
Or Hoots, he's been like, oh, somebody saved.
Somebody saved me.
Here you fucking the bottom of Ozden.
And Hootzie's been down there for 25 minutes?
I have exactly 26 minutes to live, who?
Quickly go.
This is quite the development.
There's a timer.
There's just an or...
A smash.
hole in the floor.
The last few eyes blinking.
And Hootze is this young.
Can we make a break before?
We might have a fan.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
What a fucking whirlwind that was.
Yes, you have just been informed that in his rage,
or in his work, his, his heavy work ethic.
Because his fervor for work.
His fervor for work.
I come to and I'll say,
Oh, I can't speak.
I'll still say,
Oh, Hootsie, where is she?
I'm afraid in your rage, you killed her.
No.
I had to.
I had to.
I helped by being one of the crumpled.
What is that from?
It's the end of spoilers for...
For episode three.
rise of the attack of the Siff of the Ryan Johnson.
The Menace Sith.
It's very hard to say, menace Sith.
That's the title.
The Menes Sith.
That was my original working title for the boss in Arc 2, but here we are.
It sounds like a Lord of the Rings elf's elf name.
Come along, menethysts. What are you sue with your Elf?
It's menace.
We'll ride Shadowfire.
Charno, Chappar.
Chah, ha.
Shut on.
Minas Tennis.
Are we gonna play D&D?
Can we get some...
Hold on.
Hold on.
So one more time, it's a...
Caboosh.
What is your ooze anisee?
Okay, that's that.
That's...
That is...
Did it?
Ask me if he did...
I guess you're made a liquid, so that's your choice.
And so I took a glowing juggle ball and shoved it up one anus to go out the other one.
Yeah, the Kiff is.
She's not made.
I'm so confident.
She's dead.
Here's the thing.
This is my fault, and not even because I gave them the twist of dreads,
but because I sat them down beforehand, and I said,
we don't need to progress really quickly with the story today.
I want Torbeck to get more acquainted with everyone, rebuild that bond.
And so everyone got naked.
And frost came in his milk.
Yes, that's why they call me morning froth now.
I'm just going to steal your jokes.
You put the jokes in and I look like a million dollars.
I think half of my jokes you just stole.
Yeah, yeah.
You're the wrong as you put it as soon as it leaves your royalty.
I need a better seat to steal jokes.
Oh, you've got a dread if you want to run it back in.
Over my right.
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Torbeck thanks you.
You are upstairs at the inn at the end of the road,
and you've just been informed by Twig that Hootsie did suffer a casualty in the
Grico...
This is my fault, yeah.
Destruction phase.
It's going to be all right, Griko.
Outsi?
Outsi.
And I look and try to get a sense of whether or something.
she's...
Oh, you're heading downstairs?
Oh, God, she's unresponsive.
Hootsey. I'm yelling her name as I run down.
You yell her name and you hear her hooting
gently.
She's still alive, Grigo, come on.
Grigo, you can speak now.
For how long is up to you?
Oh, they want to feel like they dod twice.
Tollback dots, yes.
Froston, I tried to tell you with my mind, with those terrible Pennsylvania trees.
No wonder they call it the Merck in draws.
It's very funny, Rico.
Your daughter is perhaps bleeding out.
Grillo, his daughter is this possible brain trauma downstairs.
No, that would never open.
Not in my anger.
I would never hurt her.
You're a liar.
Liar.
I'm gonna run down.
I'm first to the main floor where I'm sure it's chaos.
You get to the main floor and it is absolutely chaos.
The area that you remember seeing where Twig had gone to make you all of your drinks that was organized and she had her stepstools has completely been splintered.
The cabinets have been ripped from the walls.
The bar table is split in two.
The chairs have been thrown this way and that.
there are liquids from all types of beverages that are just coating every surface you can possibly find.
The four wooden tables and chairs that had been there are all smashed into wooden pieces.
And Hootsie is laying off to the side next to the roaring hearth.
And you can see that she has a small bandage wrapped around her head and there's pieces of splintered wood all around her.
It looks like Twig had administered some first aid.
and she is licking at her paws and making little hooting noises.
Oh, hootsey! Oh, my gosh, did you see that terrible orc that was in here?
Don't worry. Papa killed him. I tortured him and he is dead. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
She snuggles up next to you and she hoots and owl purrs. I don't know what it sounds like.
she doesn't seem to understand that the orc and her father are the one in the same.
Oh, look at her.
Oh, you can read right through me, Hootie.
Yes, it was me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You, gosh, your inside score is so high.
You can just read me like a book.
Oh, I'm sorry, Hoosie.
I was on drugs, not intentionally.
Hucci was a lot of drugs, all right?
It's not his fault.
Oh, gosh.
We're really high.
Yeah.
She looks up at you with her round,
um,
owl bear eyes and she,
uh,
nuzzles into you with her beak and,
um,
and Hoots.
Oh God.
Gosh,
Hootsie,
you were just the best.
You are so forgiving.
I'm sorry.
Can I make it up to you?
So remember,
don't ever,
when you look at,
uh,
Papa and all of your uncles acting a fool,
uh,
remember,
uh,
remember what Mr.
Uh,
says don't do sleep get eight hours of drugs
And then stay in school man. That's the last piece to eight hours of drugs and stay in school
That's how I'm going to do school. Yes
Hootsey I don't see any of the tiny corpses of hot Jones around here
Did you consume all 32 of the other hot Jones? Yes
Well done you look down and you can see the end
As she is, she's taken her beak and plunged down on part of Grico's shirt and is dragging his almost unconscious body closer to the fire.
As she begins to snuggle up with him, you see that she moves part of her, her haunches in there as a small pile of Jones bones.
I'd be like an owl pellet for him.
There's a bunch of brown paper out.
Old bay
Like corn and sausage
Riggas
A nati bones
A little plastic container
of melted butter
We're going down
Oh
Hootsie's good to see
100%
Take one of these
Huh, two on this bone
I give her a human bone
She begins
She wants to chew on it
Ah yeah same
Oh
Is it well
Are you really sure
you can't stop yourself from doing that.
Well, I haven't tried, but I don't often try and stop myself from doing things, you know.
Sometimes you've got to live life in the moment, Frosty.
You can't get caught up in, you know, responsibilities or consequences.
You just got to, you know, grab life by the balls and shake it around.
Long term.
Your body can't break down those bones.
Do you know what's going to happen long term to your system?
What?
No.
I live my life, you know, just like.
like a couple seconds at a time um i don't know much about a genie biz but he is half a
fridi isn't it like a blast furnace down there yeah i think once i put it in it just
i'm probably sure this all goes to straight charcoal you know yeah i hope so otherwise passing a
whole femur and i mean tollbex's diet is 30 percent bones
told be fine thus far yeah i got a fire in my belly so we're all good
So she's not going to die
No
All right
So this adventure
Here eat a banana
Oh no haven't you looked so skimmy
Oh
Even after all those hot Joneses you ate
She had 32 hot jones
She had 32 whole babies
Oh it's a skim possible
That's good
I couldn't possibly have a 30
Oh
Before we go...
She looks like the chunky cat on the...
Oh, Lord!
He's coming.
Oh, no.
Um, do you have a doggie bag
for the, uh, several remaining lukewarm Joneses?
Um,
Strewing about her, just lower abs and upper-house.
And there's actually a couple of room temperature Joneses.
Uh, so I don't know if you have a hootsy bag for that.
Um, well, considering you destroyed most of the day after,
deserve my house, no.
Ah.
Oh, well, we'll just throw it in the rat snack bag.
Are you sure that I can't repair at least a few of these special trinkets for you?
Well, I never said not to.
I thought that you were prohibiting us from...
No, no, no, no, no.
I just said that that's not enough to make up for the strife that you've put me through today.
I don't get to work right away.
I'll pull my robe sleeves up and I will...
immediately start to go to the shelf now that I understand you have her permission.
And I will, it's like putting together the world's largest puzzle.
All these trinket pieces have been crashed into one another, and I'm like figuring out what
piece goes to what end, using mending as much as possible to try and rubik's cube them back
into their configuration.
So, this is really awkward now.
Hanging out here while your owl bear eats pixie bones and your genocene eats human.
Well, I mean, she's carnivorous, and I guess so is he, sort of.
Yeah, and I'm hungry.
You've nothing that can, like, get everybody 100% back to normal.
Oh, so is he.
Mr. Krembe, let's not beat you hasty here, please.
Torbeck is very happy.
Torbeck can't remember the last time he's been this happy.
There's no need to rush into anything.
It doesn't feel right, Tolbeck, you know?
It feels like...
Torbeck disagrees.
Torbeck thinks that nothing's ever felt more right.
What does his spring Eladron look like?
I guess I would be, well, not as tall as Torbeck, but tall and thin and very handsome.
Oh, I'm green, apparently.
Thank you for letting me know.
Your hairs intermixed with ivy and plant.
And I'm very clearly waxed.
I was told I was waxed.
Beautiful male poison ivy.
Like the statue of David.
Yeah, actually very, yeah, male poison ivy is probably great.
And I'm also still naked.
Nobody touched me.
Torback doesn't see any reason to change or revert back to regular Torbeck.
This is improved Torbeck.
Well, I mean Torbeck, it's nice that you feel so passionate about it.
But, you know, can you at least put on some pants?
I don't want to trap you in some terrible Tollbeck mind prison.
Torbeck cannot put on any pants, Gricko.
Torbeck cannot.
Okay, well, okay.
I'm going to go this way.
Hootzie.
Let's get your paint and bar numbers out of here.
Let's clear away all the splinters.
Oh, I've found it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's good as new.
Good as, oh, there's Hot Jones blood on it.
Oh, here you go.
Oh, it's a very pretty kitty.
Good job.
You've seen you've colored in the lines.
You made of that Faywild Taffy?
Huh?
You got a taffy that, like, you know,
has magical properties?
No.
Oh, do you have any pig snot?
What?
Oh, you want pig tuna?
You want pig tuna to blow a nose all over you?
Yeah?
Torbeck, yeah.
Okay.
No, no, no, no, please.
Torbeck does not want any pig snots.
I know that sounds out of the ordinary for Torbeck,
but no, Torbeck does not want any pig snots over it.
Sure.
Would you do it for a pig tuna snack?
What?
Would you do for two?
big tunia snacks.
I don't want to eat pig tunia.
No, snacks full pig tunia.
Oh.
I shake a box.
Suddenly it just says
big tuna on it.
In like comics.
Yeah.
It's like very strange.
It's like it's very,
it's the opening of Avatar.
The highest ghosting film of all time.
As papyrus.
You can bring the bag on that
lot license.
So here's the thing.
If Twilbeck doesn't want Piction to do it, I'm not going to have Pitchin you do it because that would be me.
Well, then it's settled.
Well, I think the problem, Twigsie, is if you want to go on this...
Why didn't you keep calling me Twigsie?
Oh, I just kind of thought it was like a cute name, you know?
Oh, okay, I like it then.
Yeah, you know, you're pretty cute and small and it was kind of like, you know, it implies like a fun size, you know.
Oh.
You know, Twigsy.
Yeah, Twigsy.
Yeah.
So if you want to go on an adventure with us, it's going to be very difficult if he stays naked and handsome.
Mainly because as he is, well, I'm getting to that.
And as he's in this form, he keeps, for whatever reason, swaying right to left.
And as he's doing that, I think he's using his unseemly manhood to hypnotize Greco.
I mean, it's kind of like the statue of David.
It's just kind of like out there.
It's not like, you know, it's not like big green.
He's little green.
Now, now, it's very important to state that Torbeck
giving up his abnormally large manhood for this beauty is 100% worth it.
Yeah, why are you doing that weird swam from side to side?
Torbeck does not know.
It just feels right.
Why are you winking at me?
Make you think it stop.
Here it lies the problem.
I don't have any way to make it stop.
I only have one.
summer shower flower and it did all it could.
Summer shower flower.
Oh no, not one of these, please.
Just one session.
No, no, it's about a nice rain shower
who's so fun.
No, it's all right, no.
We're gonna end this, lot of all.
Summer flowers now.
No, no, yeah.
Twosies words.
Oh, look, oh, it's now like mostly cool Jones.
Mostly cool.
Like fucking Gereens.
At the bottom of the bag, the shattered out of it.
The dust.
The blood is actually started to solidify, and it's just like flaking off.
Oh, I got the hot Jones tube.
I'm just, I can't, ugh.
You know, even though I'm a gob in my hands are unreasonably big.
I should have used chopsticks.
Oh, yeah.
Frost can probably help you, use his mind.
Oh, yeah.
Can you get the rest of those cool Joneses out of the...
An invisible mage hand, dexiously takes out the mostly cool Jones one at a time for you.
It's just the torso.
Oh.
Man, you know, this whole adventure's been unusually macabre, but I'm kind of into it.
Just one moment, and I go in and I get all five fingers like bugles.
It's like the Gary Goodberry pubbing.
But you just see five tors flowing.
It's an invisible hand.
So they're just all...
What happens when you say yes and to the things that they do?
So let's go on that adventure.
What are you thinking?
How long it's not up to me to decide.
Oh.
So any kind of adventure will do?
As long as it's of sufficient adventuring quality.
We're going to go to Telling Me Hill, right?
Well, I thought we couldn't find Telling Me Hill.
Nope.
Well, okay.
No, we got to look for it.
then. That's what Torbeck thinks, that we must begin the search somewhere, correct?
All right, well, now and ever, huh?
Well, hey, are we not worried that this whole dream thing that we started talking about
two and a half hours ago? We never got past the first point of it.
That was 23 minutes.
Oh, yeah, can we unpack that real quick?
Well, I wanted to, but then he saw it, he sprouted a penis and...
He sneezed all over the place.
He did not sprout a penis.
Everyone got naked.
You died.
You died.
Oh, twice.
You wanted to kill him again
when they were pregnant.
For some reason,
I felt the need to just tell everyone
that I was walking there.
I don't know why.
Why was I walking anywhere?
What questions do you have about the dream?
It seems that we all got the same information.
Oh, Torbeck, do you recognize that
doctor-looking fellow with a large mustache?
Oh, yes, that's a good question.
Drawback.
Would prefer to perhaps
a drink and forget.
anyone
anyone toorbeck are joining touby
it's not a no no I'm always
down drinking forget
no no no you don't remember when he said
we must collect all the energy sources
immediately
oh tooback
do you not remember that
Torbeck's
memory much like his old
body is still very fuzzy
are you sure you remember nothing
we can always have the pig sneeze on you
if you're lying
Torbeck is remembering
give torbeck a moment
I never seen this kind on
Haywild
or ever before
Torbeck
is getting
bits and pieces back
the faces of those individuals
are familiar to Torbeck
but Torbeck isn't sure how or why
well I think the thing
we got to fucking address is
it seems to me
that's the guy we saw when we got
face mask, horse masks and whatever
kind of mask you had. It's the same
fucking dude. Set him up with the witch
light biz and they're
talking about. They know exactly where he's at and they're
tracking him. They know where we are right now.
I mean, we're being hunting,
probably. Torbeck's memories
are painful and
Torbeck is most
upset that perhaps Torbeck has
put all of us in danger yet again.
Do you remember
what a barn owl, anything
about a barn owl? Not who
She's a great horned owl.
I try to recollect
if there is any other
owl motif in my memory
outside of what we saw at the end of the fight.
Roll an
intelligence check since it's memory base.
Sure, give me one second. I just have to pull
up my character sheet.
Oh.
Oh.
Wait just straight in.
Is that first roll the name?
Torbeck has rolled a 12?
You think and you see flashes of magenta light.
You hear that same sound of the boots on stone.
But there are many pairs of these boots.
You hear the grumbling of dwarven voices, but in a language you don't understand.
And you feel the pain of...
a hot liquid being pumped into your veins.
Oh, the boots.
But you do not, as you try to pull anything from your memory,
and pull nothing about an hour.
Torbeck cannot recall anything about owls.
No, nothing.
What was the boots?
Yes, marching, marching perhaps, boots.
Languages Torbeck doesn't understand.
Oh.
Nothing out of the ordinary
Torbeck doesn't understand very much.
Gideon and I saw boots of that
strange
Mistachio doctorman. Yeah, he was
wearing boots. Yeah,
I don't like this customer. He also
was a little bit of a sniveling henchman.
A little bit cliche
from our tastes. Definitely
cliche. Is it possible that the dreams we had
was a side effect of the mental
manipulation of the
various gases and fluids
that Tolbeck subjected us to?
Did we all get injected?
Oh, gasped.
I didn't inject.
Frosty went down.
Torbeck simply remembers flash of light.
Hmm.
Yeah, inject me, but he cut me
in half and killed me, and
the coffee brought me back.
You weren't dead, dead.
I mean, you know, you know, you
blacked out for a second. You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It does remind me.
Well, yes, Torbeck?
Well, no, no, Torbeck did not mean to interrupt.
Torbeck understands that in Torbeck's terrifying beauty, it's hard to take Torbeck seriously, but Torbeck does have something.
And Torbeck will reach into, you're not really sure where.
He reaches in and he pulls out a piece of paper.
It looks like paper.
It's faded.
It's crumpled.
It's folded over.
And you all realize that it is a...
an old faded witchlight carnival ticket.
Torbeck was able to hold on to this
and wanted to let you all know how sorry Torbeck is
of what happened and in hopes that Torbeck can convey
that he understands that you all didn't mean it either.
Torbeck kept this as a token of friendship
is Torbeck's most prized possession.
Well, you don't know that, Tobik.
You're not going to lose it.
I mean, you know, yeah, we're sorry.
No, no, no, Torbeck is sorry, and Torbeck wants to help.
So Torbeck will help.
No, I mean, we forgive you.
I mean, I allegedly in my anger, hitting my own daughter over the head
while saying, Zug, Zug, more work, me not that kind of walk.
So, I mean, you know, it happens to the rest of us.
With the whole cabinet filled to the brim with ceramics.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
It's no big deal, Toulbeck.
It's water under the brink.
We're all powers, you know.
Perhaps this ticket can be Torbeck's ticket
into permanent friendship with all of you.
Yeah, I mean, no, it's free of charge.
We're free of charge.
Oh, you got stamped.
It's, oh, you don't even,
you hold on to that ticket for when you needed to get out of a bond.
That's maybe an IOU for, if we ever get separated.
Well, I'm just gonna say I'd feel a lot better
if, you know, Tollbeck, if you were your true self
and not afflicted under some kind of,
kind of horrible transmogification.
Does Mr. Crami truly believe that this is horrific?
In a sense.
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
It's kind of hard to feel sentimental when you let this...
I mean, you're just not wearing clothes.
Yeah, naked elfman.
Yeah, he was like jiggling around.
Yeah.
Can you find clothes?
Can you get a blanket?
Torbeck has Torbeck's old clothes.
They just don't quite fit Torbeck.
anymore. I didn't think you wore clothes before.
I thought you're just furry.
If Torbeck must
give up this
terrifyingly beautiful nature.
Torbeck supposes
Torbeck can do that.
You know, yeah, and you know, it's not like
we prefer you this way just because you're
traditionally like an elf, right?
Like, oh, after you left
the carnival,
me,
crammy, and Frosty got turned into
Eladron ourselves and we ended up being kind of a bunch of weird sex pests and even though we may have been
Like, you know, appropriately holiday themed or more conventionally attractive. It just, it wasn't right, right? It didn't feel right. That's a great point.
It didn't feel right at all. And we don't feel right without a toolback we know and love even with all of the tubes and
the whirring gizmos into your flesh and blood and all of the mind controlling witchlight that gets pumped. Anyway,
It's the smell.
Oh, right.
For Torbeck's friends, Torbeck will return.
Twig, do you think you might be able to help Torbeck?
No.
Oh.
I keep saying it.
I don't know how to do it.
I only had one of those summer shower flowers.
And he threw up and it didn't do anything for bodies.
How he went back to himself, I don't know.
Perhaps Petunia and all of her infinite wisdom could help Torbeck.
I can't believe you'd call her that.
Pig Tuna.
Pigtune.
Oh, okay.
Torback is very dumb.
Torback is very...
Yeah, yeah.
Tollback wishes intelligence came with this beauty.
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
I'm going upstairs for a moment.
All right, well, goodbye.
Pig, Tune, do you want to blow snout all over Torbeck?
Mm.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah?
No.
Okay.
He's so silly.
Okay.
No, that's pretty good.
Oh.
I know, but I don't know.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, Torbeck just has one last thing, and then he's ready.
Taubeck is ready.
It's like a helicopter taking off.
Oh, Big Tunia, go ahead.
And so Pektunia flies over to you, and you watch as her little curly tail winds up,
and her wings flap, and she breathes in a breath of air,
and she snorts it all over you, and nothing happens.
This is it! Oh, no! Torbeck is confused?
Well, you're a little closer now. You're covered in snot.
Oh. Maybe it's a gradual change back.
Torbeck supposes we could monitor it.
I'm back down to the bottom of stairs and I have your clothes, Torbeck's clothes.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.
And I have from my pack a towel.
Oh, oh.
I thought perhaps that would work, but you can't wear these, so if you just
tie this around your
wait. No, he can wait, we'll just get him
a bill. I mean, you know, they're a little
big and you know, roll the sleeves
up. All right, all right. Torbeck will squeeze
into Torbeck's old clothing, I suppose.
And I'll just put it on, it's like horribly baggy
and like, you know, it's like
tripping over the pan legs.
I would like you to roll a Constitution saving grill.
It smells horrible.
Oh, oh, Visa.
Oh, Torback has never noticed a torquick's old stench.
It's like the, it's like the
cringy deviant art like
You are able to stomach the stench.
But you can definitely tell these clothes have not been washed
since you left the car.
Let me fix that up for you.
Oh, man, I'm just gonna,
and then you'll see sort of like these puffs of neon light.
He looks like a pretty boy fan art,
Bobadook.
Tollbeck is scared.
Does Torbeck always smell this terrible?
Yes.
Oh, no.
Sometimes it's worse.
Oh.
Trobeck is sorry for yet another thing.
No, no, you're fine.
So, were we ready to go on another venture now?
Yeah.
Hootzee, are you okay?
Are you feeling okay, Frosty?
I am feeling well.
I am dressed.
I have my pack.
I have been recovered from all of my maladies, I think.
Your nose looks great.
Thank you.
And...
Catlock.
I did have one question.
I know.
twig that we have done a lot and have asked a lot of you.
However, I wondered if we couldn't have perhaps a little bit more of that coffee brew
before we pack up the inn and make our way on our adventure.
I wish that you could.
What I used to steep the brew was smashed in a forkish rain.
Yeah, what a shame.
What a tragic accident.
Are there any...
The beam brew!
Or, what a tragic accident.
I have flasks.
I have vials.
I figure we...
I think once we leave then,
we're just going to have to go forage.
Well,
we can't even take those
Boys and Berri Pies with us.
Um, yeah.
So the thing about that is...
No, Grick-old man, and the cherry's berries?
Like, we're going to...
And the cherries, cherries berries?
What did it?
Thing to that stuff.
I've fed all.
those to Hootsie when she was said.
Oh, oh, good.
Well, thank you very much.
She loves cherries berries.
She loves the taste of plurro.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, and Twink takes such good care of you, Hootie.
I didn't think you were supposed to mix hot Joneses with cherries berries.
So here's the thing.
It was a little horrific looking at the blood of hot Jones all over her face,
so I figured if I couldn't tell whether it was hot Jones blood or cherries berries or
cherries, berries, it would make me feel better. And the thing is totally did.
Oh, well, okay. I mean, I guess, well, it sounds like we don't get any pie.
Let's go stop around. Yeah, let's go. Sorry about all this.
It's okay. Thanks for taking me our adventure. Yeah, it's going to be a great adventure.
And, you know, I'll start walking. You know, I always wondered what the red sprinkles and hot Jones was.
And I think now I have the answer.
Have reds.
Those Joneses should have gotten a squatty potty.
Oh, that's the snap crack one in the pop in there, huh?
I can ride a bike again.
And with that, you all exit the inn at the end of the road.
And as you exit the inn, you watch as twig turns around,
she utters something under her breath,
and you begin to see the in twist and elongate and then contract.
and then contract.
And it pops in there are bits of smoke and glittery dust
as all of a sudden it begins to take a different shape
as it shrinks and shrinks and shrinks and shrinks until where the end had been.
There is now a small acorn satchel bag that she picks up off of the ground,
slings over her shoulder.
She opens the top, looks inside.
Yep, looks good in there.
and anyone who's close enough, I'll say
Gideon, close enough, you look in
and you can see that inside of this bag
is a miniaturized replica.
Hey, what are you getting in there?
See, look, it's the end of the road.
You can see the hearths go in.
Are you a fire lighting in your backpack?
This is an acorn sexual.
Oh, man, that's cool.
It's no backpack good thing.
Oh, sorry, I thought with the straps
and you're going to wear it?
No, just one strap goes right over the shoulder here.
Oh, I misread the situation like a messenger's bag.
Yeah.
A satchel, good sir.
Oh, like a satchel.
It's far more, you know, Faywild that way.
Yeah, it's kidding.
Sanchez at the time.
And she closes the acorn, the acorn satchel,
and you see it does have two windows on it,
that if viewed at the right direction,
you can see directly into the inn and see that it's an inn.
Kiddian, how did she, George Jetson, the whole inn?
I don't fucking know, man.
But let me tell you, once I crack Faye Wild Engine Heron for Dummies 101, I'm probably not going to be anywhere close to being able to do that.
Okay, but now we have to make sure that we find some food and something to drink, so we should probably scavenge.
Let's get foraging.
Oh, yeah.
I'm great at foraging.
My Uncle Globo told me everything he knows.
I drank a whole bottle of anything earlier, and I'm just feeling pretty full.
Oh, no.
Can you roll?
Constitution saving throw for me, please?
Oh, no, maybe it was something.
I can't remember that.
Why you speak about that's twig?
Didn't Gloria Botech you had to hunt down
a pack of rabbits and get it all
cooked up for rabbits too?
Oh, yeah.
What do you get?
Natural one.
And it drank a whole bottle of something.
The old bottle of once it.
Natural one, noted.
Um, okay.
So.
Oh, no.
You explore.
Let's make sure that we scavenge.
Okay. Let's all go in directions.
And let me right back here.
Okay.
In five minutes.
All right. Okay.
Who wants to come with me and learn how you really scavenge for herds?
No, we're all going to go in directions.
Oh, okay.
I'm going to go by myself and get the most herbs from scavenging.
All right.
Yeah.
Tallbeck is ready.
Okay.
Toulbeck is going this way.
I need everyone to do.
I need everyone to make a survival check for me, guys.
Oh, oh, shmental.
That's a bit, huh?
Oh, I'm supposed to run with advantage.
That's bizarre.
Well, it didn't really help, to be honest.
12.
16. Oh, wow. Hell yeah.
I got a 10.
Michael?
My character app.
Didn't Beyond is not.
My it didn't load.
My non-descript character sheet application is not.
Oh, yeah.
They're all locked up. You are jammed up there.
What did you roll? An 18 plus my wish.
Five?
Yeah. Pretty good, pretty good.
You rolled a 16?
Nobody else rolled above a 15 outside of that.
I rolled a high.
I rolled a 10 and got a 12.
Cremie, you find a spring, a freshwater spring that is bubbling.
And there's a small water,
crystal clear beautiful water.
You imagine that you could easily bring everyone back here and fill up any kinds of water,
water skins, skeins, skins, skin, skeins are yarn.
Classic.
I always do it.
Schemes.
Schemes.
Schemes?
Schemes.
Schemes.
Sheems.
Sheems.
Water shames.
Weems.
Weems.
Steins.
Steins.
Bains.
Bains.
You.
imagine that you could bring everyone back here and you would easily be able to collect enough
water for quite a while. Grico, you head out with Hootzee. Just like I'm a global used to do.
You are on a mission. You will be the best scavenger, the best forger of the group. And you're
not wrong. You are able to find, I would like you to roll 2D8 for me, please, and tell me what each of those
numbers is. Oh, look, who's your golden node on the mini map. Okay, we gotta go to that way.
I would have to give you nothing.
2D8, that would be an eight.
This is a huge lemon. You rolled two apes?
Oh, no, no, no. I rolled an eight total, five and a three. Yeah, I needed both numbers.
Oh, sorry, five and a three. You're rolling on a table. Oh, okay, got, I got, got, five and a three.
You scavenge around and you find a delicious orange flower that whispers, eat me.
The flower's head is tart while its stem is sweet.
Oh.
I'll walk up to it and I'll say,
Hootie?
Watch and learn the master.
Eat me.
I am intending to pick it.
Eat me.
Can I?
Eat me.
You got in the combat the first time.
I interrupted, yeah.
Look if it's stupid.
I grow this fucking Vien.
Hersey, come on.
She's on passive.
Depend, defend.
In the time that it took him to try and pick it,
the flower actually got up and walked away.
That one is actually no longer able to be used.
Oh.
Eat meat.
Eat me.
Bye.
I run after it.
No, no.
You got groceries.
And you try.
But you are unable to.
unable to, you're unable to catch it,
so it's magical abilities which are pretty amazing
or no longer available to you.
We'll never know.
As you continue forward,
you find something strange
floating through the air.
It is foggy in this place.
The fog has always been that gray, greenish hue
that the swamp fog has been from the moment
that you got here.
but often the distance you see a swirling mass of baby blue and baby pink mist or fog and as you get closer to it you can smell the sweetness on the air a mist of a wisp of sweet candied mist similar in consistency and taste to cotton candy that's in front of you
uh can i like try to grab a cone from my pack
Do you have a cone?
Yeah, whatever.
Oh, I can riddle up a cone.
Oh, it'll taste like sawdust.
You swirl your cone around
and you're able to collect this wisp of sweetness.
Oh, my goodness, this is going to be like an ogre's club.
That wasn't a euphemism.
This is literally going to look like an ogre's club.
Gosh, everyone's gonna be so proud of me
when I bring back cotton candy.
It's very new treasures.
Okay.
Do I get all of it?
Yes.
This is lying.
That's what you're trying to do this time.
Okay, let's see if I can find that flower again.
Come on, who'd seen?
And you take this wisp of cotton candy mist,
and you begin to make your way back towards what you believe
is where you met with your friend.
your friends. And then you hear it. The sounds of roots being pulled from the earth.
You begin to veer towards the north. And as you look behind one of the nearest mangrove trees,
you see off in the distance a large towering hill covered in willow trees as it slowly
moves across the landscape. Who see? You see what I was saying?
Thank you.
Hootsie eats all.
Oh, we were supposed to share,
but you've had a harrowing date.
Oh, oh, my finger.
Ah!
Oh, it's okay.
Oh, it's just a little,
oh, it's a little blood in some fingernail.
That's fine.
You're missing half of your...
Oh, oh, oh.
Hold on, hold on.
Oh, banana.
Oh, that's potassium.
Ah, okay.
Okay.
Uh, uh, uh,
It's telegraph who? I found it.
Hey, everybody, I found it.
And I also foraged, hello.
The rest of you hear nothing.
As you all meet back up at the place
that you were supposed to and you wait and you wait,
but Greco doesn't seem to be returning.
You listen in on the wind and you hear nothing
as you wait for him.
A drawback found some rocks and sticks and a little bit of wet moss.
Oh, that's great, man.
I found all this mud, so together I think we're going to survive.
I found a fresh spring with the fucking waterfall in the middle of a swamp.
What the hell?
We got twigs and mud.
You found a whole spring with fresh waterfall?
You know, Grico's probably dead.
Let's just go to the spring.
Yeah, there's no way he survived.
You know who taught him to forage is Uncle Glorbo.
You remember what that guy said?
He's doomed.
Yeah.
Something fucking great.
Crazy, probably.
Like, take all your clothes off, turn around, you know, and walk out of this, walk out of this.
You know, and then he never ended up catching any damn rabbits.
Well, that's the thing.
I mean, we've seen him try to forge before.
It just goes out of the woods.
He says, just like the whole global used to do.
And then he would stand over something and just like move his hands together.
He would even kneel down.
He'd always come back with fucking nothing.
And then he would summon that big gorilla.
and just say bananas
and then we'd all be eating bananas
and you know it's just like
yeah I mean it was good but what the fuck do you have to go away
for? Yeah I mean he really did use
his magical powers as a crutch.
Yeah.
Well Frost I'm sorry for your loss
I think then we'll be able to find Gricker quite easily
How do you think we're going to do that?
Well uh Twig would you agree that he went
in this general direction?
Um
yep
My recollection is that he went.
You went this way.
He went sort of in this northernly direction.
All we have to do is cert.
Perhaps we hold hands so that we don't lose each other again.
But if we can all stay close, we follow the footsteps.
What about going to the spring first?
Well, maybe we should, you know, in case he's not dead,
we should probably, you know, see if he's okay first.
Well, why don't we head to the spring and we're just like,
I don't know, right our names in the ground as we walk so he knows where we went.
Oh, we'll just fill up our water schemes.
Yeah, we'll just get it all, you know.
Are they skisens or skins?
Oh, if I've been saying it wrong on this outside?
Did you say water steams?
Water skiing, you know, I'm just, usually I drink water having a fucking glass like a normal
like a regular habit.
Wait, you guys bro water skin?
I don't know, we're just using our hands.
Um, well, Torbeck only has this dirty sacked with water and so if anyone has an extra foreskin, I mean, water,
For Torbeck, that would be lovely.
I actually do if you want one.
You know that's got whiskey?
Well, I think mine's more like a canteen, you know what I mean?
Oh, that's pretty good.
You probably have a canteen, too.
I'll check.
I don't remember one.
I mean, it's possible.
I don't drink a lot of water, mainly whiskey.
I feel there's a very logical solution to this.
I agree with your suggestion, but I have a really interesting.
Well, I have a question.
Is it a canteen?
or a can't in?
What's the difference?
Well, it depends on how the adventure's going, I think.
It's going well.
I think you say it's a canteen.
If it's going real bad, like, you know, Grico, it's a can't.
Oh, no, and there's an apostrophe between the two E's.
So it's like, I can't eat.
It's actually what he says often.
I can't eat and get this water.
Yeah.
Or you cheeky, you know, you know what you sound like?
Yeah.
Oh, you cheeky friends of mine.
Those are incredible Grico impressions.
Tollback is completely convinced.
That's pretty good, right?
Yeah.
Sad, ain't in it.
Okay, I ain't in it.
You're the Gideons.
Isn't there's a lot of...
Ah!
It's more, you gotta come from, you know, the West.
Ringo's going to be killed and dead by now.
Is what adventuring's like?
Yeah, this is pretty much it.
Okay, can we go get water now?
Let's see some water.
We'll fill up our canteens and skins and skins.
But only very quickly, and then we need to return to the point where we think Griko took his journey.
I think what we need to do is think like Grico, walk through the forest, and recreate his sense.
Yes, Torbeck can do that.
Torbeck has one.
Here we go.
Just like Grico.
Yes.
Oi, brough.
How was that?
Torbeck thinks that sounded just like Ricko.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, it was all right.
You think, grub.
Yeah, that's what Gricko
All the way says.
Well, really, you got to
I heard him say, bro.
Do you even know Grickon?
Yes, I've known him for quite some time.
Torbeck's not so sure.
Torbeck, I'm not going to
give you this flask anymore.
Listen, we got to fill his canteen.
I was Torbeck going to drink water.
All I have is this filthy sack.
You can cup your hands or you can
just walk around like him.
I think what you do, yeah.
You put it in the filthy sack.
and then it's just going to leak out one hand
so you just walk around and a little down.
But Toenbeck's hands will be full,
or the sack will leak.
I'm not even going to mention the five vials that I have.
Okay, well, let's go then.
Okay.
I lead everybody to the waterfall.
I'll look at it.
It's beautiful.
Anyone need a glass?
Oh, you have glasses?
Yeah, hold on.
And she opens up her.
her acorn pouch and she reaches in and pulls out a tiny little cup and she puts it down
on a rock next to the spring and you watch as it springs into a full-size cup. Anyone else
need one? Oh, Torbeck would like one very much so. Yeah, take one.
Okay.
Look, they got a barbecue and brew festival. You got a rock fan playing and everything. I love
that. Come on a dish of turkey legs. It's a venerable bee or a vegetable.
garden. Ten bucks to get in?
We can pay ten bucks. They've got cornhole.
Torbeck's not paying ten bucks if they're going on.
We're not going to drop.
Taze the fucking thawbeck really wants a half of lichen.
You know what, that's where we're in the campaign.
Oh no, we all ignited to flee.
Rock's foam.
You know, this is awfully beautiful.
We've been Brank Creek.
You can catch us next Saturday.
Fill up quickly.
We need to find Grico.
Thank you for the cup.
Thank you, Twig.
Torbeck appreciates it.
And as you drink the water,
you immediately feel your body begin to shift and change
as you return to your Torback form.
Oh, this water's delightful Torbeck is, oh.
Oh, no.
No, what is?
Happening to Troy
Hornback is returning back to Troy
Oh, sit now!
Make some sounds just now.
Those are juicy.
I know Warren Mac like this,
but he really is horrible.
Yeah, I know what?
I'm feeling a little bit of regret.
Some of the smell, I think the bird in that tree just died.
Dormack, Bullitt.
It's a lot.
The original decision.
Only mountains.
Meanwhile, like a whole badger finns.
And it's the beginning of Once Upon a forest.
All the business.
Go waste of spring as well.
Your want to eat human bones completely dissipate.
Oh, well, don't eat these anymore.
I dip down into the water skin into the...
I have a good size water skin.
I have all these vials.
It's going to be able to sustain this water for a while,
and I make sure that it's totally full.
As soon as I get to the water,
the top I cap it off and go
hmm
did anyone
remember that we could use
twist of fate
can't want to dreads
at any time
isn't that funny
none of us remembered that
no what
what you're talking about man
you hi again
from a meta perspective
Torback was more
than aware
but didn't want to change
I like a better
this way
yeah
I'm a certain
There's something about them.
I don't know if it's the dirt, the smell, or general depression.
We should probably go make sure Grickl's not dead.
Yeah.
All right, Frost.
Use you like, you know, ESP triangulation powers.
It's just a matter of intelligence.
I have a question.
Excuse me.
Definitely walking through.
Look at the big brain on Frost.
Yeah, geez, man.
You're saying your extra special power.
That's cool, right?
I'm not going to have psionics this.
I have an extra special power.
You wanna see it?
Yeah.
Okay, cool, hold on.
And you watch his twig looks around.
Oh, over there.
And she rushes over to the edge of the water,
picks up a toad, licks it, puts it back down,
turns towards you, begins to drool her eyes,
get really, really big.
Oh, yeah.
I'll be in there.
Whoa, dizzy.
Your special trick is that you got high on
on toot sweat.
Yeah, you can't lick toads.
Yep.
All right.
Somebody carry a Gideon
Yeah, come on, come on, Twigsie.
Is that it?
Yeah, come on.
Actually, hey, how is it?
I'm an adventurer now.
Is that toad still around here?
You throw it in the water.
I threw it in the water.
Oh, well, thanks for sharing.
It skipped three times.
There's a bunch of bullies.
There's one of toad heads, and it's Pierre,
and it's, uh...
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship spoke on the horizon.
You're talking about it.
To a Tweedzie's Bad Acesd Bad Acesd trip.
Oh.
Has anyone just tried to call for Grico?
Because Torbeck can do it.
Do it.
All right.
I'll do it in his native tongue.
Oh, my God.
Is that a good Bricko?
shrill goblin language rings out through the bottom.
Does that mean grub and goblin?
Oh, oh, gosh.
Wow, Earth was that?
Surely he heard Torpeck.
I can't wedge.
You feeling all right?
I like that tooage.
Uh, Torbeck was calling for Grico.
No.
Rush.
Does anyone hear Grico call?
going back?
No.
You should really stay hydrated in your state.
I offer a glass of water.
Oh, yeah.
It's like raining up there.
He's like spilling all over the place
because you're trying to drink it.
You fixed.
Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
No, I'm back.
Oh, nice. Okay.
Because Gid could just, you know, piggyback you all the way
if you, you know, if you're too high to walk.
I told you I could do something special.
It was very special.
However, if you're going to adventure with us, my advice is for you to attempt to go along with the group and not run off and do something on your own independently, but something that aids the group as much as possible.
As funds that might be to lick toes.
Hey guys, you guys see this tone?
If you go to adventure with us, the cardinal rule is you only get high at breakfast.
No, we have a rule. We have a rule. No hard drugs. It's going to end up our churcos.
Chuckles.
Boos is fine, a little bit of cigar, it's fine, but you do any more than mad, and you're
gonna, you know, then you let you go down.
That's what I meant, Twigsie, all right?
That's the rule.
Don't get out of that.
We should probably go back to the start to see if we can find Grico, because
whatever Torpick yelled out on to the ether did absolutely nothing.
Surprise, surprise.
Follow me, and I will lead us back to the...
clearing. I will follow Frost.
Me too.
You all begin to follow Frost
as you begin to hear
and see movement
up ahead of you.
Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop.
It's them. It's the stilt walkers.
Shh. What the fuck's a stilt walker?
What are you saying? And you watch
as twig points out
off into a further area
of the swamp actually close to where
you were headed towards.
And you see these entities,
that are on these stilts.
They have fur over their backs,
a hooded cloak that goes up over their heads.
I'll actually just show you a picture
because it will make it.
Oh, no.
Strap to their back is what is clearly a cage
filled with fuck.
Filled with fuck.
Oh shit.
I'm like the child.
It's even a lot.
They're going to be on their back.
Yeah, the cage their fucks.
Jesus.
Oh, yeah.
They're definitely not keeping their bad.
That one's got a sick fun.
I hate you guys so much.
They all can't stop
sneezing.
Oh, it smells like that.
On their back is
a cage filled with eggs.
Oh, eggs.
Oh, I see.
They have like, they have like stilts on their arms.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like the giraffes from the
Lion King.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
That's fucking perfect.
Exactly.
It's fucking incredible.
It's to keep them out of like the swamp waters.
The tall swamp grass that surrounds them is wafting with the fetid stench of decaying plant.
As they make their way through, you see six of them in total.
They are moving forward and slowly stopping, as you'll see one of them reach down.
and reach into the muck and pull up an egg completely covered in soil and swamp filth.
As they clean it off, open the top of the cage, and place it inside.
They whisper to each other as they continue to move forward.
What did you call them?
Those are still walkers.
Still walkers.
Do you know why they collected the eggs?
Yeah, I do.
Do you know why they collect the fucks?
What?
The fuck, all.
Eggs and fuck are very similar.
They all, well, the fuck, results in eggs.
Yes, exactly right.
Are those Stilt Walker eggs?
No, they take those eggs to downfall to the soggy court.
Downfall, soggy court.
And do they just eat the eggs?
I don't know what they do.
with the eggs in the soggy quar you'd have to
ask the Stilwalkers but I wouldn't
recommend it. Are it dangerous?
I don't know. I've never gotten
close to them before.
Who are the mothers of these eggs if they're not
Stilwalkers? What eggs are these?
Whatever eggs they could find.
Lizard eggs, human
eggs, any eggs. Bird eggs,
calopi eggs,
cake eggs. You know,
whatever lays eggs.
You imagine kids.
cake eggs. You're painting and pastels.
Just bite it in.
Oh, it's like a nice cake with a boss.
Like a gooey center, you know?
Oh, man.
Somewhere in the distance, uh, Gregosa's like,
shuddered.
Oh.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Uh, no.
What were you going to say?
Have we made it?
Are we near the clearing?
Do I think that we're at the starting point?
Um, you're watching the stilt walkers walk past the clearing.
You're close, but Twig has essentially stopped you where you're at as you watch as these stilt walkers move.
What direction are they headed in?
So if the place that you had met was here, you've gone off in this direction for the spring, and Grico had headed off in this direction.
You're heading back here to the meeting point.
They're walking in front of you.
Heading towards Grico's direction.
Do we think that Gricko would follow these creatures?
Yes, absolutely.
I feel like Bricko wouldn't, I don't know.
He wouldn't mess with these things.
Oh, they're pretty scary.
Yeah.
They're kind of fucking monstrous, man.
I mean, that's like his whole deal.
Well, they're headed in the direction Grico was going.
Oh, they look too like humanoid from him to really give a shit.
And they got cages on the backs.
You see that one of them stops for a moment and looks directly toward the group of you.
Oh, fuck in the dead.
Yeah.
Oh, get out.
We steal.
It is very clear that you've been spotted.
Oh, fuck.
Jesus.
And yet, they make no motion to move toward you.
As you see this entity look from you Frost, you tore back all the way through to twig herself,
slowly reach down into the muck, pull up another egg and put it in the cage, and they continue to walk away.
three, four, five minutes pass, and they are out of view.
Maybe they didn't want to bother us.
Maybe all they're doing is just scavenging eggs.
Could be just collecting stuff looking for swamp treasures, you know?
I don't know, maybe they're just, yeah, collecting eggs.
Another mystery.
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the swamp, Grico, you have called out to your friends.
to no avail.
You hear no sound come back from them.
But you do hear the sound of popping at your feet.
As you look down and you see these holes emerge in the muck at your feet,
as little bubbles pop up out of it.
Similar to what you'd see on a beach in an area where it's heavily filled with clams.
And as you look down and around this,
you begin to see
is that a hand?
A small, a small grayish green hand
makes its way up out of the whole long fingers
with darkened twisted nails.
Is this what is,
roll an intelligence check for me.
14.
What is clearly a mud method is,
It climbs its way out of the mud.
Not one, not two, but ten mud methods
pop up out of the muck beneath your feet.
The one that's directly in front of you
looks up at you and begins to speak.
Please be clams, please be cold.
Hey.
Oysters?
Hey, you.
I make it so much noise.
Oh, hello.
I'm trying to sleep.
Oh, I'm sorry for waking.
you up. I didn't know anyone slept.
Oh, no, you've woken me up.
Oh.
You must answer my question before we let you go.
What would you do if I don't know? I'd get it wrong.
Wouldn't you like to know?
I mean, I would very much. I'd like to know what's it.
Well, get your fun.
Okay, I will answer you a question.
Nice, nice, muddy, flappy wings.
It's very impressive that you were able to fly.
He washes it unfurls and it's covered in mud as it's dripping off of the wings.
Oh, yes.
All right.
Oh, man.
That's...
Hello, I'm Grimo Grimding.
This lovely...
I don't care.
Okay.
Is Lizas Hoosy?
You've got to answer a question.
I'm telling everyone in the Feywild, my name.
That's stupid.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Why'd you do that?
Anyway, I'm here to help you answer my question.
Okay.
Good luck.
What's your name?
No.
Okay.
You're answering the questions, I'm sorry.
Good luck figuring out what it is.
Okay.
But answer it and I'll let you go.
Oh, okay. Thank you very much for this opportunity.
It's a serious question.
Yeah.
What's a mud method's favorite food?
And they all begin to giggle.
Can I write down an answer before you?
Yes, yes, you can.
A mud methods, ah, favorite food.
I have something.
Tell me what's a favorite food, huh?
Hmm.
Well, if Barr had,
to guess.
You do have to guess.
You do have to guess.
It would be the confectionary treat,
dirt and worms featuring chocolate pudding.
What?
Gummed worms and crumbled,
non-branded chocolate cream-filled cookies.
And you see as this mudmeph it turns and looks at the one to the like,
one to the like, is that right?
That's definitely right.
Is that right?
Yes, it is.
No.
Well, that just means you haven't had it,
doing worms before, it's very delicious.
What's it talking about?
He got it wrong, he got it wrong, he got it wrong.
They all start to dance around you and sing.
Oh, he got it wrong, he got it wrong, he got it wrong, he got it wrong.
One of us, one of us, one of us.
And all ten of the mud methods jump onto your body,
And they begin to cover you in muck and mud.
You feel your shape begin to change as you yourself become a mud method.
It's the fucking scene with Andy Circus and King Kong.
Wow, this movie is surprisingly violent.
Oh, they did what to the Tyrannosaurus wrecks?
Oh, God, they just pulled.
Oh, no.
And once you become a mud method,
all 10 of them are surrounding you
and they begin to pull you down
into one of their mucky holes.
Jesus.
I think I heard Grego.
The rest of you have safely
now made it to the place that you had
that you had chosen to meet.
Is anyone else for no reason at all
thinking about dirt and warm confection or pudding?
I got a sudden anchor in front.
Ford.
Fri, uncle, first
dear.
Torbeck's no stranger
to eating dirt or worms.
So Torbett is thinking
about dirt and worms.
Yeah.
Well, I meant like the confectioner
treat, you know, with like the cookies
but the non, you know.
Don't ring a bell.
That was not the time to be thinking of treats.
I know that you get hungry every 15 minutes or so.
I think you probably should.
talk to a doctor
about my glycemia.
No, I think it's just how my body works.
Not just processed like a thousand calories
a minute or something.
I'm no longer worried about the bones in you.
Well, no, fraud.
You're going to try to track him down, right?
Well, we start walking in the direction
that he went, and we try to make
the decisions that he would have made.
He is a good tracker. He is
capable of forging. We just need
to think like Grico
and understand. Maybe we'll
trip on the same thing he tripped on.
Roll a performance check.
You being Grico's best friend, I'll say
do it at advantage to see how
well of a Grico impersonation
you can do during your
traveling.
Performance, that's where
I'm a bike. Also.
It was.
Twist it.
You don't have to. Twist it.
Well, no.
11. You know, we could roll some dice.
and play Dungeons and Dragons.
Maybe one twist?
I don't know. We have so many.
The audience loves us so much.
If you're fine being afflicted.
Oh, it's going to afflict me.
I'm not.
No, they don't do that anymore.
What?
They don't? No.
Just the dreads.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It gets, I need to run this campaign.
And we can use twist of fates
to undo twist of friends.
We have to spend ten twists of fate
to undo the dreds.
Yes.
No, it's three.
Three twists of fate to undo one draft.
Okay, okay.
And how many sheep can I get four?
Torback would pay a hundred twists to be pretty again.
12, I'll take 12.
12 is my number tonight.
We have that.
I'm doing very 12th.
12th, very 12th.
You are doing a rough approximation of Grico.
I hunger down.
Though your mannerisms are not perfect,
they definitely evoke the idea
of RICO.
And you do feel like you're in his mind a little.
As you make the choices that you make,
you are able to find the flowers
that tell you to eat them.
And as you are, you know, arguing with yourself
and pretending to talk to Hootsie,
it does end up running away
and you're not able to gain its boon.
He does this over it.
As you get stung by mosquitoes,
he would have done this,
and then he would have reacted.
I just know it in my mind.
Damn it, Frost. You're too good at this.
I should have eaten that flour.
I know, but that wouldn't be what Grico would do.
It's true.
You smell the scent of sweetness on the air, and though you don't see the small
wisp of that cotton candy mist, you can smell it, and you head in the direction of it,
knowing that Grico would have smelled that too and been interested.
And that is where you find Hootsie.
sitting in the muck, pawing at these,
pawing at the ground,
and the hoots that are coming from her tiny owlbear body are sad.
If owl bears could cry, she looks like she would be.
She's digging furiously at the ground.
For what?
You're not sure, but you can see that lying on the ground next to her
is the cone of cotton candy.
And it's the mist that was attached to it.
is clearly gone, but you find some remnants of it.
You inspect everything.
Hootze barely pays any attention to at all.
She is so solely focused and pawing at the ground,
digging for something.
And you begin to look around,
and I will have you roll a survival check for me, please.
Twig, you wanted to be part of it in venture.
That is what this feels like.
15.
You get down next to Hootsie and you place your hand on her back almost is just in a subtle
we're here, we're with you, even though she doesn't seem to notice you, before you
immediately start looking at the area around where she's digging.
And you do find a couple of these small things that remind you very much of clamming the
few times you've been to an ocean.
And you notice that there are
And you notice that there are footsteps.
You can see in the muck where Grico's footsteps had been sunken in and they haven't been completely wiped away.
But you notice they haven't gone anywhere.
And you do see some scratch marks coming out from some of these holes in the ground.
As Twig looks up and says,
And that's where we won the session.
Oh, shit.
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