Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 21 | Running Up That Hill

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

The party embarks on yet another rescue mission before moving the plot forward...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/zkrYfjbZqPw?si=v86VRyvmpQLDhbgx

Welcome to Legends of Adventress. Torbeck's name is Torbeck, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Torbeck's worried that Torbeck may have put you all in more danger. For you to yourself, try saying, I, Tobbeck. I, Tobik. Not going to think. Try saying me. Tobek.

I'm not sure why this is relevant. Oh, that's absolutely. I understand that all you want to talk about is the fact that you're naked, but you've destroyed my house. You have to do what I want now, and I want to go on an adventure. Toilbeck, the only one concerned that Grickle might be having a stroke. No, he does this sometime. Hey, weird, lode. And Jingle-Jangle is on Tellammy Hill.

Yeah, Jingle-Jingle has a house at the root top of Telling Me Hill. Uh, Hootsie. Where is she? is she? I'm afraid in your rage you killed her. No! She's still alive, Grego, come on. You know, grab left by the balls and shake it around. You see off in the distance a large towering hill covered in willow trees as it slowly moves across the landscape. Hello!

The rest of you hear nothing. I think then we'll be able to find Gricko quite easily. Well, maybe we should, you know, in case he's not dead, we should probably, you know, see if he's okay first. Hey, you, I make it so much noise. Oh, hello. I'm trying to sleep. Oh, I'm sorry for waking you up. One of us.

One of us. One of us. One of us. You feel your shape begin to change. You can see in the Muck where Grico's footsteps had been sunken in, and they haven't been completely wiped away. Look, it's too. The four of you stand in the swamps of hither. In front of you is the moving hill that you've been looking for.

Helimi Hill, as it slowly moves on legs of roots. And you watch as the legs pierce into the muck and slowly settle as the hill stops, almost as if waiting for you, expecting it. But you are missing someone. your group. Where there are four, or where there are five, there should be six. And though tell him he'll calls to you, all of you have traveled with Grico long enough, all but twig. And you can sense his presence here as you look over Hootsie digging into the earth. Oh, God, did he die here?

Hootsey? Do you have a scent? Have you picked up on where Grico is? He's, he's. seems to not be in the, what is your focus? Hold on Hootsie. I don't want you to uncover your Papa's corpse or nothing. Why don't you just take a step back and let's assess the situation, all right? Yeah, let us take a look at this. Don't go digging around. Come on, Hootsie, just, come on.

Do you really think he's dead? I don't know if he's in the mug. Oh. It's not gonna be good. Why don't you just kind of shuffle Hootsie away? All right, come on Hootsie. Hop on up here. here. Let's go for a little, let's do a little loop.

Alright, Mr. Crammy, I'll start digging. I'll assist. And then I would just go wherever you were kind of pointing at. You see mud just starting to get moved by an invisible half. My son, Franz has a shovel on him. I just keep going. I'm using my, like, 10 foot long arms to, like, throw mud over my shoulders.

He's just feeling around for a corks down, man, for him. Let me see if I do have a shovel. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no shovel. I do have a 10-foot pole, but not in my backpack. We can continue to dig and see if we can find out what Hootsey was searching for. Roll a nature check. Both of them? No, just Derek.

because of his 10-foot pole. You may roll in an advantage as you're being helped by your friends. Torbeneg is helping. I definitely know lots about nature. Oh. I got an 11. He's not he's there.

Noted. Gricko, you feel your body change. Where had once been the body of a goblin is now this diminutive creature. This small mud-created entity, a long spindly nose, elongated fingers, long curled nails, ears that now point towards the sky. You are thin and tiny and made of mud. You feel your body change. as you look around you and there are 10 of these mud methods that surround you.

But three of them move forward to truly enclose you in them. And they use these long tendrils of mud to wrap around your wrists and essentially shackle you to them as they begin to pull you and start leading you through this murky, muddy hallway that is leading deeper and deeper into the earth. You notice these bugs that are embedded in the sides of the hallway. Their rumps are illuminated with light, and they are, you fucking stop.

Yeah, that's why. I didn't look at him at first. I can't look, I'm trying to be, trying to be a mud method. Yeah, he's really puckered up. For Slom Glock. saying. So I'm in an underground tunnel,

like a mud tunnel? Oh, that's amazing. You're in an underground mud tunnel as they begin to, as they begin to drag and pull you forward. You hear them chittering and chatting to each other. There is a, the three that surround you, one is significantly shorter than the others, quite a bit chunkier. Another is much taller than all the rest and much more spindly. And then the last seems to be a little more

are buff. And if mud methods could have packs and a six-pack abs, this one would. How tall, like, on average, are they? Are they super tiny? Do I have wings? You do have wings. Yes, they're super tight. They are, or they're small. Like a mud am. So probably not that much of a size difference, but I'm small. I would say they're probably about two feet tall.

Okay, a little bit small. It's bigger that I would guess. Yeah. And that, what do you do? Grico. I would like you to roll on the I would like you to roll on the Yep. I mean you see your own faith there you have to roll on the table.

It checks out. We're not ever getting out of a solo story. The rest of the night. You're lexorously. I need you. I need you to roll. So one is chunk. Two is tall.

And three is small. So that's Four, five, and six I need you to roll D6 for me, please Okay, D6 Two The tall mud method in front of you The one that looks like an Adonis

Of mud method Mud meffit dumb You look at him And his Rippling muddy abs Nice He's firm Buttocks

and his immaculate wingspan and you fall madly in love something has happened I was going to laughter I'm going I'm down there what's happened I was going to hide

what happened to me Now I know Who's meant to be Stay episode, by the way Hey Don't listen to him Hootsie, we'll find them How do you get those

abs when you're made of mud? Mud is surprisingly low carb I look down in my flabby mud body He He does seem to notice you As he times to look at you. What are you talking about, bro?

I'm a vegetarian. I do a lot of heavy lifting. We have to carry people like you all the time. Well, that seems unlikely. He also does a lot of silt-ups. Yeah, ask him if his calves are maddy. I don't care if your calves are nanny. You can lift me up.

Why are you talking like that, bro? You've got a mouth. First day, mud mouth. All right, just keep moving. You're slowing us down. You're harshly buzz. I'll try to like flatten my wings. Doing, bro.

Ugh. I'm like super repulsed right now. repulsed right now. Oh, so long. Bat my eyelids. And it pops with each blank. I'm trying to be very seductive. Yeah.

Roll, um. It works. You succeed. Roll performance check. I'm convinced. Okay. Oh, no. You're about to be the first player in history to get triple does a fan.

Eleven. He looks you over one more time. I don't know what's going on with you. You couldn't even get like a simple a simple riddle. It was mud pie, bruh. It was mud pie.

It's just so offensive, man. And now you're doing this. Like, what even is this? Mud pie is not even a fool. Like, your lips aren't even goo. You're just making it up. Oh. You could talk like a normal person if you wanted to, but you're choosing not to. Well, you know, I'm just trying to immerse myself in the muddy role of my new life, together down here, right? In the muddy tunnel together. God, this one's so weird. He looks. He

looks over to the small one. Gloppy? Why did we get this guy? And the small one looks over at all of you, or looks over and he goes, I don't know. I got that one. Speak the stupid ones.

How am I going to have like my own knightdom as like king of the mud methods and shit? If every single person that we take into mud methodness is something like this, Gloppy. I'm sure. And he pulls on your reins and begins to drag you. Oh.

We're all, we're not finding anything. Eventually, you find an open hole. There's a hole here. You know what? It's done. It's a night in session. Very, very dirty. Torbeck would like to dive head first into the hole.

It's very dirty, but certainly someone's been here before. Torbeck wouldn't hesitate even for a single second. I mean, it's filthy. It only makes it more in mining. All right. Well, if you want to go, please be my guest. How large is the hole? I'm not playing D&D anymore.

I've given up. Well, All my hopes and dreams are shattered. Gropry, son. The hole looks like it would fit, it's a large hole, covered in brown goop. There are bits of spindly moss

creeping out of the dark crevices. And it's about three feet wide. So it would be tough for me to probably, it wouldn't be easy for me to to get all the way in, but I would immediately be like, Oh, Tormex people! And try to shove my head into the hole and see how deep and far I could like

see what's going on. You finally get to use the squeezing rules. There's a series that we to play, man, this is you of them. I'm not going to be using the squeezing rules. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I will say it's easy enough for you to do that. You squeeze in. This is a swamp.

So it's still murky. There's liquid in the edges of this fucking hole. There's a gap. Tunnel. It is a tunnel. And you are able to squeeze your way in a bit. Enough that you do see that this tunnel is a fog once. She's making me laugh.

I'm not doing anything. I don't do nothing. I don't do nothing. Do we need to shake our willies out? I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm living my best mudmepid life.

I'm fine. I'm not going to last. His face is like, I don't know. There's no way. There's no way. We rest in Bricko. We kill the method. I'm about to do it.

Oh, no. You're still seven mufflers. We do. It's, what is it, a record scratch? Well, you're probably wondering how I come in an exeteration. Unfortunately, the ruder senses made us cut it. But it was a dairy keeper and the lads rescued me. You don't need to know nothing else.

We never spoke of it again. Poorback. You, you wedge yourself into this tunnel far enough that you are able to see that it illuminates, that there are some form of lantern in this tunnel. And you see the moving shadows of what appear to be, actually, you see the way the shadows play on the walls of this tunnel. And it is very clear that there are 10, maybe even 20 giant creatures

with massive wingspans making their way down. this tunnel. How they could possibly fit in here. It is clear to you in this moment that this tunnel must get much larger. And if you could just find a way to dig maybe

five feet into this, you'd be able to reach that opening. These entities must have, Grico. I will be pulling myself in the tunnel. I'll be saying, Oh, Brico, is that you? Oh, I'm going to be sick. Oh, Frost, Frost,

Eat around. Eat around. He's a pole. All you see is Torbeck's ass. Sticking out of this tunnel in the muck. His legs are kicking this way in that. He is very clearly struggling. You can see the way that the earth is kind of moving on either side of him

as he's thrashing around and the water mixed with the muck is almost creating like a quick sand effect as the earth kind of jiggles. around him. Torbeck is panicking. Relax your muscles. Relax your muscles for a moment, Torbeck.

I can. I will. Torbeck is panicked. Torgbeck completely stifference. If you fail the saving throw, I telekinetically shove you five feet. I absolutely have no, there would be no save.

I would fail immediately because I'm not even focused on it. I use my cyanics to push his entire entity five feet. No, Torbeck's fine. Torbeck is well. in this tunnel. This tunnel is much smaller than Torbeck is. He was able to get himself in and create a little cavern, but the area that's surrounding him, there are some gnarled roots. And so there's a lot of pressure there. Torbeck is quickly developing. You do use your psionic power to push him forward, but it is not

five feet. It is like the cork on a wine bottle. As you propel Torbeck forward, Torbeck, you feel your arms just slicing through the muck in the mud as you propel down this tunnel, expecting yourself to land into an open chamber where you can see these gigantic entities. But what you find is that you are sliding through this tunnel and you like a bowling ball into bowling pins. You slam into what is clearly 11 of these spindly mud methods. And they play out all over the place. You hear them yelling and screaming, and their wings are flapping, and they are pressed up against your, you're quite large for this space. And as you shoot them through them, they give you enough friction to keep you from propelling forward. You were plastered into this tunnel with 11 mudmuthets stuck up against the side of the tunnel between you and the walls.

Oh, where's torment? No! Oh, gosh, we've seen a documentary, though. That's not gonna be good. D'Rourbeck thinks Torbeck is about three inches shorter. What's down there? I didn't break your spine, did I? Oh, Frost, Frost, help, Frost.

You listen for Torbeck's voice, and all you hear is pop, the sound of bubbling mud. I'm not getting my broke dirty. You can't be fucking dirty. You can't be fucking, are you going to go in after it? Torbeck. Friends are in danger. You are stuck in this situation, but standing in front of you is an incredibly buff mud method.

He looks at you, and he says, hey, welcome to our tunnel. Oh, thank you for welcoming Torbeck. What's my favorite food, bra? What is your food? favorite food? Yeah, bro. What's my favorite food? Do I hear this? You do, but you are stuck between

Torbeck's haunch and the wall, and you can mumble, but everything you say is completely muffled. Wait, wait, wait. Torbeck is trying not to have a panic attack. Can Torbeck ask you? question first. You know, this is the mud method kingdom.

I'm King Muck, and this is my kingdom, the kingdom of Muckington. So anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of mud. So you can answer however you choose, but I may

choose to use it as your answer to my question. Uh, all right. You know what I'm saying? You held against Torbeck, like a beautiful lady? Oh, we've got beautiful ladies. Oh, all right, Torbeck, Torbeck will answer your question. Torbeck, your favorite food, mud, maud. Well.

No, my favorite food's not a mud method. Oh, no, I'm... That's wrong, boy. Torbeck was... You feel the power of the mud method. your body begins to shrink and twist and contort. You roll a D6 for you to determine what kind of, like, what your mud method looks like. Oh, he's pulling me with them.

Your mud method is short, but stout. If mud methods could be dwarves, that's what you would be. You have a long, muddy beard that comes out of your face. Your wings are thick and chunkier. They're not as widespread, but they're not as widespread, but they're. They're bigger than the others. Does my voice roll to list, they have the same? It can be whatever you want as long as it's not ever what the fuck might.

Yeah, right. All of a sudden, I guess Torveck would be like face it down in the mud, having shrunk. And all of the mud methods have now fallen down and they're pulling themselves out of the muck and the mud as they stand up. And once again, Grico, you feel them pulling on their mud leads and pulling, uh, pulling you to your feet. Still in productivity. The answer was mud pie, apparently. Torbank doesn't understand what happened to Torburt.

Standing over you, this mud method looks down and he kicks you lightly with his foot. Um, so, bro, what are you doing walking around in Mudmethet territory, not even knowing, like, our ways? Oh, Tor, Murmack was just looking for his friend. I'm sorry, what? Torbeck was looking for his friend. Oh, we do not. Why would you think that your friends, like, here, are you friends with Mud Method? Like, you don't even know our favorite food?

You think they were cannibals, bruh? For the record. Torbeck was gonna guess just mud. Torbeck likes to eat mud occasionally. Mud would have been so close. I might have accepted it, like, to be fair. Oh, no. If Torback, it's me.

Prisoner, can you like... What? What? Prisoner, can you, like, not talk? I am hanging out with this, like, really cool method that's gonna be, like, one of my high-end. No, he's spoken for by Clementine. I think this is my friend Grico.

Grico, is that you? Blom-la-na-na-na-na-no-no-h-r. What is that for me, Torbeck? What is that supposed to mean? You're harshing my mud vibe. Torbeck came all the way here looking for you and got turned into this, and you say that Torbeck is harshing your vibe? Is there a source of water anywhere in your back?

We'll drown him out. Roll a survival check. You are standing there saying this, and you feel the firm hand of muck on your shoulder. I don't know why you're bothering talking to this chump. Like, he's totally not cool. Like, you're such a rad dude. You're, like, totally groovy, man. Like, why would you hang out with someone like this?

When you could be, like, my second in command. Second in command? What's your name? Look at your pecks, bro. And he slaps you on the peck. You feel the mud shift for a second, but they're pretty stout. Stout like a mud dwarf. Mr. King Mud Method, if there's a position open,

Torbeck was once royalty for a few hours. I knew I sensed royalty in you, bro. I knew it. All right, we're not gonna mud chain you. We're totally gonna let you walk with us, like one of us. Wait, why would he? Toormick thanks, you.

Torbac is super abbreviated. You're talking right now, all right? Like weird muck face guy. Let by a mud name. You know, we'll give you a mud name. Gross. You got him, King Mudd. That's what I thought.

I've been transported to an 80s movie of mud creatures. Mud bullies Boo. I will address your role in a second. You were getting naked and... I was just taking it off the road. I'm keeping the rest of my clothes on

and my shoes on, of course. But... Of course, for all to begin. You can go anyway. I'm going to have to go down there. Creming Gideon, I think that I'm going to have to go down there and see if I can rescue my friends. I don't know if you are able to fit through, but I'm live and I can squeeze through, I think. No.

Haven't you heard stories about someone gets in trouble and then the friend goes in and tries to help and then they die? And then the next friend tries to go and help and then they die. And the next friend goes to help and they die. I think, look, this is probably a lost cause. I hate to cover hoot's his ears. They're probably dead, Frost. If I have to, I'll be able to use my abilities to escape the hole. Hey, how come you thought it would make sense to murder Torbeck and then take all your clothes off?

What? How come you killed Torbeck, buried him in the ground, and then just stripped naked? Is this some kind of weird new thing you do? Yeah, you broke his spine, apparently, as far as I heard. Yeah, he was shot him out of my spine, and then he shot him. I think he's alive down there. You can't hear that faint whispering? Do I hear any film?

There's like bubbling and sounds. There were bubbling and sounds, but it sounded like the, it sounded like the swamp bubbling and popping as oxygen rises up out of the muck. Even more reason for me to go. I think they're still alive and I'm responsible for it now. No, no, look, whatever me and all had a rat problem, what we do is we flood the tunnels. And if they had a way out, then, you know, they'd sneak up and we'd just take them out.

Or if they didn't have a way out, they drive. Listen, guys, we gotta get Grico back, man. Just look at it. We can't raise boots? Are you kidding me? We've never been to a racino. I don't know anything about going to school. I'm not going to do this, man.

I'm not risking drowning them. Get down in that hole, you weird niggins. We find us most of water. We flood the hole. It's sink or swim. If he doesn't come out, he was already dead. Well, one of you hold my back. Is it a bad idea?

Are you handing us your backpack or something else? My backpack? I don't know. It's my robe and everything that's important to me. I'm right. I'm not. I'm fucking, oh, God.

You carry all this sheep with you? Yes, it weighs 11 pounds? Oh. That's actually... Oh, no, it weighs 74 pounds. That's a shorter. You're spotting to impresses.

You aren't looking for it? I feel so nimble. Oh. It's like a dragon ball. See the ball. He takes the back, back, back. All saved them. Me nice to have you.

Let me go all out. I've been knocked out of me. Massaroshi, I'm sorry. I have to. I am going to focus myself psionically. If I don't come back in a few minutes, then

I guess you make your own choices. Yeah, no, we're going to get out of here. We're going to do our best raising hootsie. I mean, we can't go to heaven. You don't make it. Oh, we'll find something to do with them. Hey, what? I'm sure you would both make a creepy raising hootsie.

And I jump into the hole. You jump into the hole. You are significantly smaller than Torbeck, and you are able to squeeze yourself through this three-foot hole. I'll cat's leave and do the whole thing. And I was psionically focusing to cast the cantrip resistance on my head. So I get plus 1D4 on a saving throw that should happen. Perfect.

And so you are able to make your way through this hole. And it does not take you that long as you're sliding down this tunnel until you come upon a scene that is very strange to you. You see a group of 12 mud methods. One of them is significantly taller and much more yoped than the others as it looks down on a short but stout mud method that very clearly,

facially resembles Torbeck. Oh, I get that right away. Oh, yeah. Terrific. And in the midst of the rest of them, you see entangled in ropes of mud and vines is a chunky, goopy method that clearly has Gricko's nose. He's really embraced this. Okay.

The Torbeck and the taller mud method seem to be. embroiled in a conversation. They are what appears to be creating a handshake. Oh, no. Dude. I don't like the way it sounds when we snap, though. Oh, that's okay.

We're not married to the snap. We can change it. But keep going. Dude, Torbeck, do you want to do that thing where we're like slam our chest up against each other and go, oh? Yeah, Torbeck's always. Go ahead and to do that.

All right, I'm gonna go to this part of the tunnel. You go to that work, and let's run to each other and we'll just slam. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Dormick's ready, yeah. Red, let's go.

No, no, no, no, no. Do we do it on the count of three? Or like, do we do one, two, three, then we go. I don't know, Dormick just wants to do this. I know, all right, go. Oh, handshake. And this is what you're washing. There's like two water balloons colliding and operating.

I will. I will all. I'll sleep back. I'm going to hide a little bit in the shadows and observe for about a moment longer to make sure I'm truly confident Thorbeck and Grico have been transformed into these creatures. But I want to hide. I want to steal.

Roll stealth. Can I lose this? Yeah, you can. We can always use two twists to cancel whatever you get. Can you use two twists to cancel my love of this guy? Because Griko's heartbroken. Grigo's heartbroken. Thank you.

Thank you. Let's see what happens. Let's roll the dice. Again, I can't take two. I get a cleanse them. Yeah, but it's three to cleanse. You got me. I get an 11 stealth. Okay, but you did use a twist.

Feeling ex-but I did use it. I did use it. I rolled two fives. Okay, roll a D-100 for me. But there's so many options. I'll take a 93. Chet. So chan. So chan. So nice.

So nice. So chan. Your knees be confused. You lose the ability to rob. Oh, God. Foking, go. We'll have to worry about that later. But do I get a sense that they've noticed my arrival?

As you say, oh. We'll have to worry about that later. Three of their heads turn, and they begin to let out this gurgling, mucky yell. And you immediately see, you feel the hand on your shoulder. Torbeck, it looks like we've got some kind of intruder. The mud pies. Torback will deal with it.

I'm going to start marine crawling out the side of the wall. this mud method begins to walk towards you. He's flexing his muscles. He's doing this. He's doing the volleyball as he walks towards you. And he gets right up into your face. What's my favorite food? What is your favorite food? What's my favorite food?

Torbeck is signaling over behind the mud method king's, and trying to mimic mud pie horrifically. Roll a performance, check it disadvantaged. It looks like Rose Beach. Yeah, he's just like stuffing his face and like picking up dirt and like trying to get frost attention. You said perform. Oh, God.

Performance? Yeah. Five. Oh, great. You're, you start to listen to what Grico's saying to you. But you, your eyes are drawn to what Torbeck's doing, and Grico's words are drowned out by this horrific dancing. that Torbeck is doing.

And he seems to be miming the words, hmm. He actually mimes. Dirt buns. I'm like rubbing mud on my cheeks. He perfectly mimes the number pie. But he doesn't get it. That's pretty fucking good.

Yeah, so like, what's my favorite food, bro? It's not something stupid and obvious like mud pie, is it? What do you mean stupid and obvious? Like, yeah, it totally is. Have you ever had it? No, I'm not made of mud, and I don't crave food that's... But what? We're not fucking cannibals, bro.

Yeah, but look at you. If you eat something called mud pie, I don't need Tabexi salad. Why not? You know, Torebex eyes get a little wild. I'm going to let's slide the fact that you're totally being, you're harsh in my vibe.

You're wheeze it, but I'm going to let you wheeze on my juice. So. You know what? What? Yeah. We're going to bunch on some grindage. You have, believe you've transformed my friends here into creatures like yourself.

Is that a fair assessment? Yeah. Too are you doing that. Can you un-messy them? Yeah, for sure. One of them looks very goopy, and the other one looks very mucky. No, no, I totally could. So we're gonna, I'm gonna let you ease on my juice.

We're going to munch on some grindage. You're gonna come with me to the castle, all right? All right. Mm-hmm. And we're gonna chill. Okay. Because you got the answer right. So you're like friends, you're friends of us now.

Oh. You hear a voice in your mind, Cremie. This is the worst, but they're still alive. And also my fucking legs. And I'm contractually obligated. My fucking legs again. I mean, it's just

keep happening. Is it the shoes? Are they hers? I had news there a lot. All right. So, literally something's going on with your legs.

Yes. So we're going to mutterope you. Like, totally friendly like. Wait, I don't want to be transformed into some weird

creature like yourself. No, no, no, no. No. I'm not. I'm not Mepit, man. Wait, Mr. Mud King, Mud Mephet. Um,

Dormack, your number two right-hand Torbeck is going to vouch for this strange creature. There's no need to mud bondage him.

How are we going to get him in the castle, bro? He can't walk down there on his own when his legs are off fuse together like that. I'm sure he can block. It's probably just not very quick. All right. I guess we won't mud rope you then.

All right, let's go, guys, and they all start to move. Wait, wait. What is your name, sir? King Muck. King Muck counteroffer. You let my friends go after restoring them to their former selves. Why? Because they will almost certainly doom your kingdom.

We were been fleeing for such a long time. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. What? No. Anytime we enter a duchy or a kingdom, it collapses, and it's almost 100% of the time due to the curse that is taken over my two friends here. That's why we're seeking healing.

You have to let us go. No, soppy. Did you hear that, bro? Yeah? Frosty, know that's not what happened. Torment voucher you. That we haven't entered a single duck seat. Okay, this guy totally seems like.

like a liar. So I'm feeling like you might be telling the truth. Give me one second. Glocky? Do you think this could be the truth, bro? Fross, that's ridiculous. You do? All right. We need to talk. Come with me to my kingdom. We'll sit down in the throne room. We'll have a quick

chat about what, wait, hold on. If he goes to my kingdom, does he like curse it immediately by being in the presence of my castle? Oh, just by entering the kingdom, it's doomed less than a week. As soon as he enters the kingdom, seven days later, it's top of the really virile sperm. Mm-hmm.

Like, this is going to ruin my ability to, like, propel my lining forward. It's like the mud. I don't know why we've gone to this topic. So anyway, get, look, we're not going to sell up for food.

I mean, look, if they're gone, we can just forget all about this, all right? We'll let me find a way out of the Fay Wild. And, you know, I can busk on the street corner with Hoots Inn. She can dance and you can drive your wagon for Gruber.

He pays pretty well. And look, we're going to pay back Mr. Guru. Because forget about all of this that has ever happened. We're going to be okay. Hoots is going to be okay. We can get the fuck out of here. Cremant? I didn't want to tell you this, man.

Which ain't that good at busking. We'll never afford college. We'll never pay off Mr. Guru. A sad piano. Is that why we always ended up robbing everybody? I think it's part of the reason we're in a man. immense immense you know it's compounded oh hold on wait frost really can i can i can i wait what's he saying what's he saying man how's he doing they find them they're alive oh why they sound disappointed

i mean he he sounds real disappointed oh that sounds like frost so my guess is that it's not they're alive and like quotation marks i'm sure that there's some kind of catch and uh can i i i try to think real hard and focused to try to talk to Frost with my mind. You are capable once the channel is open to respond to me. Frost, is this thing on? Over? Mm-hmm.

Sorry, I'm being distracted by the morality of a mud creature talking to the semen. What the fuck are you talking about? It's just the worst for him. So are they allowed or not? They are, but they've been transformed into clay, muddy, soggy, grubby, goopy,

foul, mess. the untidy creatures. Hey, Twig. Yeah. Can you undo groupy, gloppy, floppy, muddy creatures if Torbeck and Gricka were transformed into such

beings? Well, that depends. Maybe. All right, Frost, could you just maybe snatch them up and we'll just try to figure this out? I'm going to try not to touch them as much as possible. I mean, I guess we'll stop and y'all from leaving well you're never gonna wait

you're never gonna wait for you just know the way it's sad oh what my fucking legs I don't know what's happening oh my dance oh no hold out his fucking legs he must fuse together again oh my god

again Step separated. Better not be for shadowing for some really tragic shit later in this case. I think it's a contractual obligation. So, I mean, can you resolve this? Do you need help of some kind? They seem pretty stupid. I think I can resolve it.

It's just the worst. All right, well, just, I don't know. Let us know if you need help or this. If you don't hear from me in five minutes, do the drowning thing. That's my misery My son To us I'm Torbett vows for you

Pleagin' Can't change to become Rul and once in a lot Still be royalty If you come with me If you accept the position You don't have to stay

With the kingdom We can carry on So you didn't answer The question That I had about my sperm Uh huh Mud pie Uh

Let me guess You're king muck and you like to fuck. Um, I didn't want to say it out loud because like I don't want to be judge, you know? I'm a virgin. Why are you telling me? Krowski, how?

I'm crying. Well, because you said, you asked, like, But the thing is, like, I know I have virile sperm because I've tested it. Yeah. Okay. As you can see, my legs are closed. Frosty.

Let. Tell Krami to drown now. Tell who say I love her very much. The water can't come fast. Can't come doing enough. Look, I'm simply telling you this because you're telling me there's a curse upon my, kingdom and the only thing that completely destroy my kingdom and my reign would be if I can't

have kids if I can't produce an air how am I supposed to be a king oh standing next to this guy having within my kingdom is going to make like my mutts shrivel up yeah yeah Help you save your team back. No, no, the mere fact of his proximity puts your mud balls in danger. That's getting me. Do I still have my dude powers? I'm going to say no. For the sake of the year, you're now just, you're transformed into a method because you did fail the mud method question.

You have passed my test, King Muck. Oh my God, it certainly makes sense. He is like this, because he's got a filthy curse on him. It was a test. You have passed and unlocked my true form, and I will give you the secret of siren air. I thought he said he was going to stop me from siren air. If you listened to his advice, that's when the doom begins.

You know what? We're gonna go. You must fuck it. You take, whoa, bro. We're gonna go. A diet and frozen keys. Do you hear me? You're a friend and you're a friend, but you keep that guy away. Allow us to exit.

Go. No. No. Stop it. Stop him. Starting to talk. I feel him's tripling up, bro. Do you know me out of here?

Come along. I'm free. Frozen peas upon your hunger. Oh my god, oh my God, I'm trying out, bro. Get him out. Ah, Frost. You've got less than a yet. To get him out before we kill him.

Come on, Frost. Come on, come on. Come on. Come on. It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you. Do not ever. I'll be right behind you.

Go through all. The curse of growth. You do. The mud methods are known for excellence. I'm like trying to drag because that's my building. No, Grico, only gross. You can't use your legs.

Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to like, just Marine crawl, like, Army Quack. How do you do that backwards? Just push up and hills. Yeah. Like this? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess. Okay.

It's probably exhausting, but. It is exhausting, and it definitely takes much longer than five minutes. It's tough on the shoulders. If they make it back in five minutes, awesome, then I will eventually, I just, don't drown me. Don't drown me. No. You remember the name of gross, Kinglock. I'll be longer than five minutes.

Don't drown me. No, right at five minutes, you see Grigo's head and you're already poured the waters. Wait, no, it's Griko. No, that's a five minutes. Get back down. I took his pole out of his bag. Get back down in there.

You get back, Grigo. Look like Grigo from Zat like Rico. That's horrible, my mom. A frozen peas upon your houses. No, God. Your Kings, lonely, he grows. And Groszio is saying this standing at the outside, standing at your feet.

He's just standing there, this chunky mud method, just standing there shouting into a hole. You can finally see at this point Frost's shoes, his favorite shoes. He doesn't go anywhere without these shoes. He doesn't even take him off when he sleeps. He probably does. His shoes are there.

It's us, it's us. It's very clearly your presence. No, don't. Not Mr. Gourney, no. All right, fellas, get up here. Oh, oh, where's my heart? What the twig? Oh, is all this a man?

Why are you horrible mud monsters something? It's called Mud Methods. Hey, why are you horrible mud methods? What do you know? We would just, looking in methods. I Torbeck accidentally accused them of cannibalism and then turned into this. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

I think that's what happens when you do that. Gross has something to say. You can buy my popsicle anyway. Is he gross? I don't know. Are you gross? I mean, it looks pretty gross to me. No, Rick.

That's gross. What do they do to him? How come you're kind of normal, but just a mud dwarf, but he's like, you know, fucking weird again and also mud. For what it's worth, they told Dormack that he could talk totally normal,

but for some reason, Grico just keeps talking like that. Well, that was awful. It smelled like Mepet down there. What happened to your legs? Oh, it happens. to fix it for you? Oh, please.

Here's an almond. It's a Jordan almond. Oh, shit. It's telling the mud. Oh, almond, joy. It's a little old. I've had it for 14 years. I can tell.

Humans don't go bad, right? Am I going to get that disease that I don't know the name of? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. The disease is all. I was getting confused with the monolter microscopic silicole conical conicales.

Me too. Yeah. Can you fix them? Your legs should be okay now. Oh, thank you. Fix them. Please. I don't know if I can.

Please. So we can just get out to the hill. It's like walking away. No. Let's go. Only grow. Fix them, fix them. Fix them.

I didn't want, will you just calm down? We might have to kill him. Oh, no, things are going pretty good for Torback down there. And she grabs her little acorn pouch that has the windows in the outside that is clearly the inn at the end of the road. And she opens the top of it and she rifles around in her cabinets. Nope, not you. She pulls out a 9 millimeter in color. I can't.

I have a problem for a son. Pettishin. Hey, look at the sunrise. This is the end of the departed. Gross is gonna get Charlie sheened. And she does eventually find a small vial of a swirling silver liquid. Yep, I think this is the one.

I should have another one in here. Mm-hmm, hmm, hmm. Um, only have one that will get one of them back to normal. What is this solution? Oh, it comes from some of the mushrooms around the swamp. Both of them do, actually.

This one will get one of them back to exactly the way they were before all of this happened. This one, however, will get them than they are now. Wow. Torbek already knows he's not going to get pegged.

Could we like to find out of an experiment? No, Master, we give the one that gets him all the way back to Grico, because he gets like a bump on his knee and he goes out of control. Tollbeck just hates being himself, so leave him mud. That doesn't need the other one for him. We were sold like mud bed. What does that mean? We will draw straw. We could try and combine them, but if we do that, there's only a certain percent chance.

Either one of them will go back to normal. I like the whole frog. My tourbeck's terrible in math, and even he thinks that's an awful idea. Do you have the potion for one and then the nine millimeter for the other? Oh, no. What?

What's a nine millimeter? 45 caliber. Does any of that ring a bill? 45 cowbellers. Oh, my gosh. There's Desert Eagle. All right. Let's, what are the odds on that?

One's 100% and the other one's just give it easy. I don't want to explain the math and I don't want to. Just I would propose that we give Grigo the full solution. I know Grillo. He's probably still gonna smack his lips, but. Only gru. Please. Torbeck won't be very different if he saves money.

She hands you, Frost, is the pure solution to give to Grico. Grico. You look like the gargoy. from that Disney film. I'm losing to a bird. And I tumble into your potion. Do I drop the potion or do I have the dexterity to pour it into his mouth real fast?

That's the dexterity to pour into his mouth real fast. There you go. Nice, Griko. It tastes very pungent and earthy, but you immediately feel your body changing and where there had been a mug method, there is now Grico. I blink and just like dirt

it like crumbles off. You feeling better? Now I know when pottery feels like. Torbeck, are you ready? Yeah, as ready as Torbeck can be. I instantly a little vile. Torbeck puts the entire thing, his mouth is chomping down.

You have been straight. A little bit of blood. You could have just drank that, Torbeck. Also, now that I'm thinking about it, I hope it doesn't have some sort of, horrible reaction with the other magical material inside of your body and have some sort of explosion. Can you please roll a D4?

A D4? Yes. Actually, can you, before you tell me what that is roll a D100. Yes. I got a 58 on the D100 and a 3 on the D4. 58 and 3. You feel your body begin to change. And you are elongating.

You are growing taller. You are clearly no longer a mud method. Yes. Your skin begins to turn a soft pumpkin orange. Your hair is no longer all over your body like it was when you were a bug bear. But now it is piled atop your head in a mess of twisting vines and beautiful red and gold leaf. your eyebrows are interspersed with moss, looking down at your spectacular physique.

You see bits of lichen and fungus as you transform into an autumn, Eladron. What did you guys do for that one? We haven't gotten that one yet. Oh, we did. I was the... This banana. Oh, bananas!

I was coming from the realm of spirit, Halloween. Yeah, you're the Halloween. Godwebwaggot. Oh, I will do my best to work from spirit of Halloween. Okay, so I change. Oh, Tollbeck likes her this is going. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no.

This is somehow how old. I'm sorry. All I had was Oberyn's pain. Well, my crippling guilt makes me feel obligated to say, can we like look around and find some of the mushrooms so you can brew another potion? That would have been a great idea. Good.

Hootsie! Oh, yeah. Hootsie? Oh, he's back to me. Oh, he's back to me. I thought I was going to be a horrible broken mud monster forever. Oh, I'm so glad I was saved by Uncle Frosty

and Tobik was there. Oh. I just can't believe how much he wanted to talk about it's semen. God. I gotta say What, what were they talking about? He had a Navy down there? Oh, that's what he was talking about.

Yeah, he had a kingdom. He must have been out of him. Of course. I could have been, his lord of ships. I completely missed what he was talking about. That's wild. What do you think he was talking about?

Something else. Can I have my bed? Yeah, get this thing away from me. Fuck. Thank you. Lads. You know, I'm sorry for getting us into that caper.

You know, I was... There was some bubbling, and I got excited. I was expecting clam, and I got a muddy tunnel instead. The next time the mud method asks you what his favorite food is, you say mud pie. It's not even a food. I was trying to introduce him to the delightful confection. You don't know anything about mudmuth.

Durning worms. You don't know anything about Med Muffet, Mud Method, uh... Pit Muffet. That's funny. You don't know anything about mud method anatomy? Perhaps they consume mud, and it's not cannibalism to them. I don't even know anymore. Hey, everybody, Chuckles here. It's time for an ad read.

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and more. Thank you so much. I'll see you around. Well, I'll just want to go meet Jingle Dangle. Just right there. I don't know how you missed it Oh no I did I saw I was like oh hey

Lads get over here I found exactly where we needed to go Oh it's my cotton candy I'm sorry It's been destroyed like a raccoon In a water bath Oh I was saving that

Pahoochee But at least you were reunited And back to your original form and Torbeck seems more pleased. Whoa! Toadish? Doesn't really. Oh, instead of

like witch light pumping through your tubes, it's like cotton-esque cobweb. Honestly, I find this voice to be less annoying than Torbex, so I'm comfortable. Thank you. I don't know about that.

Do we need to do anything before we get to... Do you know anything about Tellamy Hall? That hill. That's pretty funny. The kingdom that sits atop, Telling me Hill. Yeah, so the entire hill is,

well, Telling me Hill. And it's a sentient hill. Okay. But it can't speak because it's a hill. Okay. So it uses the will-wisps. Why did I say that?

It used the weeping willows that are on it to speak for it. And that's basically all. Oh, and Jiggle Jingle and the Hill are really good friends. What business do we have there? We're going to find a key, Torbeck. Jingle Jingle, apparently is in possession of a key that will allow us to free Sir Talibar. A fairy dragon that became across when we rescued Hootzee.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. We have many loose threads going on at this time. I haven't even begun to tell you about this like centaur we met at the very beginning of the cardival. There's just a million. things going on. It feels like it was a lifetime ago. Yes. Almost late. It's been months. We need to find

Lord Cloppington. That's like plants. Hey, does anyone want a small flaky meat pie wrapped in a colorful cloth? Oh, yeah. I found it in my pocket. Oh, that's great. What the heck?

Man, torment was too slow. This is probably going to be fine. Oh, yeah. That was delicious. Thanks. Oh, look, I found another one. Oh, I'll take it. Oh, please.

Oh, my God. But Thorpec is so very hungry. Oh. No, you're fine, man. You can't possibly eat carbs with those abs. Oh, very good point. Get in. Blay.

Blay. Do you have another one of those for Torbeck? Sorry, it's just a two. Watch his feet good, it's all right. All right, well, I'm not sure why that happened, but let's continue moving on to the hill. Yeah, let's go. We move on.

Is it going to be weird if we walk all over this hill, but it, like, fanks and stuff? Maybe it'll be ticklish for the hill. That's not what I'm worried about. It's probably going to be weird. Torbeck is more concerned the hill will enjoy it. Maybe. Why even think about this kind of thing?

We have to think around corners here. I'm just trying to anticipate all possible outcomes. Oh. I feel like if it enjoys it, it's better than if it doesn't. Because then it'll say, oh, thank you.

We'll do everything you want, as opposed to, oh, you have disgraced me by tickling my heart. I'll turn you into a horrible hill monster and break your mind. Or it'll defend itself with the literal weeping willow trees. I mean, they may be able to swipe at us with their balance. Now, I think it's more of a metaphorical situation, probably.

The tree? Yeah, no, they're going to be like, willows, they're going to be like, oh, I'm so sad, oh, you know. I mean, that would make sense given the name. Hmm. So anyway, we got a ghosty boss tweet on Tammany Hall. go. All right, well,

I guess let's go. The boss, man. It's a pressure. I did one every other week. You don't remember when I did it, like, four weeks ago. I know. I just did it real quiet. You never passed up an opportunity

for a boss night. You know, from the great 1990s. You made your way towards the hill. It is enshrouded in fog at the base, but as you move towards it, the fog slowly begins to coalesce around you and then dissipate. And you find that there is in front of you a walking path that seems to wind and twist up the hill. And at the very peak, you can see that there is very clearly a cave with a door shaped like a key. This was what had been described to you by Sir Calivar. and it is clear to you that this is the place that you were meant to be.

You stand at the base of the hill and you look out. You are greeted by the scent of sweet-smelling fruit. Damp, downy, silvery-green moss blank as a gentle upward slope before giving way to a craggy ridge that marks the top of the hill. Dozens of enormous willow trees dot the hillside. Swaying as though in a breeze, despite the absence of one. Oh. Remind me, Frost, do we?

We know if this goblins hostile? It could be either way. Jingle or jangle. Jingle jangle, we're friends. Hello. Or maybe do it in a native tongue. I'm just how you do. Like that's different.

A cup of sugar. You're doing this at the base of the hill? I'm just shouting real wild. Well, I think we have to get closer. No, let's attempt to knock. Well, oh, good idea. Blah, blah, la, la, la, and I will continue to shout in a goblin

that we will announce that we are friendly, to not run, to not hide, I will speak in goblin. And you're doing this, so this isn't like a mound. This is a gigantic hill. Oh. It's almost like a small mountain. Oh, yeah. And so you are at the base of this,

looking up a winding path that leads towards the summit where there is very clearly a cave with a key, hold door. Save your breath, let's walk up the hillpost. Oh, good call. I'm a little poached now. Oh, your tubes are now just like a blue liquid. I'll have some Blaha blast. Bleu! Oh, it's all fizzy, hold on.

Hold on. Are you sure we can't just... Okay, okay, okay. I'm old fish. Oh, man. Okay, one one. Okay. I'm gonna be here for an hour. You never get rid of all that it is.

I'm wetting mall whistle and it's gonna meet jingle, jingle. I would like you to roll on the, uh... I would like you to roll a D20. You're drinking witch line. What do you think was gonna happen? Oh, no! You're all a D1. It's burst into P. Roll one. Yeah.

You die permanently. You know, only because this, I'm not going to give you one. Only because it affects everyone else and this is your fault, not theirs. I can't remember all again, please. A four. You are incredibly paranoid and believe everyone is out to get you. Are you sure you should be drinking that? Who knows what effect it might have on you, Grigo?

Too, what would you give this to me? Man, Grieco, this is your fault. Dormick! Dormick just listens to whatever Grieco says. Oh, no. Oh, Jinglechangle, this is the big bat of the whole thing. I don't, we don't know Jingle Jangle. That's not, we don't, we can't determine.

Jingle Jangle, we don't come in peace. You don't get any cup of sugar. Yeah, this is what we call a liability. What do you call you? kindly knock Gricko out. Yeah, I think it's, uh, he's done a bunch of whitslaid. I think he's all his fucking rocker. Yeah.

Just one quick punch of the jaw. Bluh. Oh, did you say would you kindly? I did, but I didn't use my hands. Oh, yeah. Okay. You know. Oh, yeah.

Here we go, Grimmy. Grico, I'm coming for you, man. No, this screen's gonna reach. Oh. He was right on. Sometimes the paranoia. Do you knock him out? Yeah, I just leap through the air

and try and land directly on on Grido's head. Rolled a hit. Just to see if you do hit him. You could miss. 20. Oh, yeah, you definitely hit. You don't knock him out, but I will say

you make him roll on the dread table again. He just knocked the paranoia right out of him. Yeah. And something else replaces it. And my head spins around like a fucking looney too. I like to think that he gets knocked off the screen. 14. And then he's responding back down.

On the dis. I'm a little fluent. Your entire mouth is numb and you can't stop drooling. This is actually better. Yeah, no, this checks out. This happened last time. And with that, you step on to Telling Me Hill and you begin to make your way

up the winding pathway towards the top. And... Tell me, hill for a... Immediately upon stepping onto the hill, you begin to hear a strange grumbling and mumbling. It starts very soft at first.

In about five minutes into your ascent up the hill, you begin to realize that you can't make out what it's saying. It's clearly words. Someone or something, thing is speaking. Does it sound threatening or neutral?

Roll an insight check. That was good. I think I'm pretty good at that, though. It's an eight. It's hard to tell. It's so low. It's so quiet. And though there was no wind when you were at the base of the hill,

there is a breeze that is rustling, the leaves of the weeping willows, and the sound of that is making it hard to really understand what's being said. But is that? What is that? What did you say? We should probably just continue. It's probably just feow wild stuff, you know, mine.

Right, folks, back me up on this. It could do anything. Oh, no, I think we should. Definitely. The Baja, blah-ha, blah. I think he's saying blah-ha blast, yeah. It's made your mouth completely numb, I think. Yeah, it turned in blue.

You have to exercise the blue. Are you all right to continue? Yeah. Who fucking can't, Frals? I continue up to hear. You do the talking. I know you don't speak goblin, but you're good with the word. Oh, God.

Speaks Goblin. Oh, God. Troulembeck would be glad to translate. I'm going to let you guys talk for a while, so I eat some of this. Oh, I can't. All the trees have beagles. I'm a little sleepy. Can we dig it?

Oh, no. Oh. Oh. Oh, I may have struck him in the temple. That's not where you want to strike people. No. Not I'm trying to keep them alive. I'll say, oh, who is, your feathers are covered in blood.

Gideon, you need to stop punching people in pressure points. You go, can kidney punch? You go, you just hit someone in the jaw once. I was, keep killing clowns. I was aiming for his shoulder, man. You know, you're so small. My spine is like sticking up out of my neck. Oh, that's not good.

I feel like I should be remembering something about Papa Goat. And I can't recall. And I just slump over, oh, no, this Papa's gonna take a reason now. That's not fine. No, he's definitely not fine. He's been worse. We probably shouldn't let him sleep. A new clown has been added to the honkly drill.

You are making your way up the hill, and Grico is not unconscious or concussed. He was able to withstand the blow. He's become accustomed. Though his mouth is numb and he is drooling all over the place. And he's wobbling a little bit on his feet, but he's keeping his own as you make your way up the hill. And you eventually begin to notice something that the path that you were walking, that you had clearly seen from the base of the hill that led all the way up to the door at the top of the hill is obscured. It's overgrown. You don't remember seeing it that way.

but it clearly looks as if foliage has begun to creep up along the path. You squeeze your way through it and continue forward, but it begins to get denser and thicker and harder to traverse until finally you realize that a thicket of trees all pressed together, completely barred your path. You spin around to head back the other way, but you see that you're surrounded on all sides. There's no place to go.

And that deep, rumbling sound is more audible. It's getting louder and louder, but it's still hard to understand what is being said. It sounds almost as if it's being carried along the wind that shivers or shakes the leaves and the branches. of these weeping willows. And just as quickly as it whooshes past you on the wind, you fail to grasp what's being said.

Where did this come from? It's... I'll walk up and I'll attempt to touch some of the bramble to see if it's an illusion. Does it seem like it's an illusory? It is very clearly not illusory. A soft... What are you doing?

A soft rain begins to fall. And it, Dricko, you look up to the sky and you feel the rain splash down onto your face. It's refreshing. And as it hits your swollen lips and tongue, you feel the swelling begin to dissipate. Grico, be careful. Doorback once almost drowned, staring at the rain. As you begin to say this, Torback, you feel your voice begin to shift. No! As we're once had stood, Torbeck the autumn alladron, is now Torback the Torback.

Oh, why does this always happen to Torbeck? Nothing gold can stay, Pony Boy! No, do you have grandchildren in the future? Or are the trees alive? And it is as you touch the branch that you feel it move beneath your hand, clearly on its own, not a brushing of the wind that is swirling around this hilltop. And then you hear it. Branches. I'm not trying to miss with your branches.

You're stomping really loud. I'm trying to nap. Well, pardon me. We'll attempt to step more softly. And it becomes very clear to you that that rumbling noise that you'd heard was the grumbling of this tree, this hill, speaking through the branches of this weeping willow. And just as quickly as that happens, on your left side, crummy, you hear, oh, wait. I step off of his leave. And you see one of the branches shake out and the- That hurts. Sports like the dick. The trees are alive, everyone. This is Mr. Hill, I think. With the song of music. I love that play.

Are you Mr. Hill? Is that who I'm speaking with at this time? Oh, names old. Tell me. Tell me Hill. Oh, that's a good one. How long have you been waiting to say that, well? Probably about two or three weeks. whenever we learned about Delamate. You've made your way upon my hill. What brings you this way?

Without my permission. Oh, I didn't. Are we trespassing? We didn't see any signs or anything like that. Yeah, there's no signs around here. Anytime everyone always tells us we're trespassing. Nobody puts us by the damn signs. A sign would be painful in my body.

Well, that's fair. That's pretty fair. Yeah, I don't think of that. How would you like someone sticking a sign in you? It actually happens about once a session. It really sucks. But, you know, I take it because I'm tough. You're a big old hill.

You're right, I'm a big old hill. Well, I still wouldn't like to walk around with an eternal splinter. Oh, I do hate spinners. I've gotten a lot of them. My whittling hands are like horribly scarred and filled with ancient slithers and the sponge bob. Yeah, it's like it's great for real. Yeah, yeah.

It's the red and stimpy pants. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Jesus. Do we hear, do I hear it? Do we all hear it? Yeah, yeah, I think we all are here. It's just talking, man, the trees are talking. Oh, the hill. For each of me, it sounds like the voice is coming from a different tree.

Oh, I know. But it's audible. It's not in our minds. Yeah. Okay. Well, look, we don't mean you're any harm. We're just trying to get to the goblin that lives on this here. Oh, Jingle, Changle!

That's right. How is she? What business do you have with her? You don't come to torment the poor thing, do you? No, we have a business proposition. Oh, Jingle Jangle doesn't do business. No, goblins hate business. Oh, we have goblins.

We're friends. We're going to tell us. and we're going to do something nice for her because we heard she's had a rough time of it. Oh, that sounds nice, Grego. So you heard about those pesky herringone? Oh, not only. Trapes around hither and do as they please.

Name up to the rabbits. Who do they think they are? Yeah. No respect for their elders. No respect for hivvah. They were very annoying to us as well. We sympathize with jingle-jingle if they've been terrorized.

Well, did they push you into the swamp? steal some of your keys and take all of the truffles you'd been rooting around for for days. No, actually, they surrounded us and bought our passage and didn't let us go anywhere as I, like, look around the circle of trees. Well, it doesn't seem like they did anything wrong. No, no. They stole our souls in their old F-Sack. I don't know what that means. It was a filthy sack, and I've been calling it the F-sack ever since.

They didn't have the God to tell us it was a robbery up front. They didn't even just rob us. What a jerk's about it? I can't speak for them. I just know that they roughed up Jinglejack pretty bad. She's been afraid to leave her house ever since. Oh, does she have the taste for revenge? We could probably help over that, too.

That's the business proposition. We'll kill the rabbits, and we just need a little something from her. We're doing what? Killing the rabbits. We don't have to kill them. It's a van. We should beat them up real hard. We'll ask jingle, jingle what the appropriate measure could be, let's say.

We could break the legs at least. Yeah, come on. To be fair, they do serve. I'll get you some pencils. Not scabify. The other one. The other one. The other one.

The other one. That takes the best. The other one. For all the watches. Blotstrel. What was your first name? Mendelin? Babel.

Pavloda. Bavlora. Torbeck is very confused. We really need to explain a lot of things to you, don't? Oh, yeah. There's a bunch of hags. Oh, Torbeck has several questions, but now doesn't seem to be the time. So if we're gonna help you, friend, do you mind letting us pass?

Um, you have permission? I believe you just gave us permission, uh, Mr. Hill. Oh, did I? Now, let's don't, don't gaslot the poor old. Hill. No, no. We're asking for your permission, oh, great hill spirits.

Yes, I'm not sure if you gave it. What, what, what, Oh, well, that case, please. Okay. Oh, thank you. Sure. Well, fight you.

See, who see? Remember, the magic word is always please, except other when it's not dragon. Any other. You promise you're not. going to hurt jingle jangle jangle no why would we no no no issue with jingle day i'll be keeping an eye on you young whiffers snappers two of us are goblinoids i don't know if you can

see us you're harry oh you can see fruit of branches you're a goblin harry Oh, well, it was a traditional goblin, hello. Oh, hello. My name is Agrid. Who turns in a P.S. on Hagrid? That's disgusting. It's like two bollies. You see Jingle, jangle stuff out of her cave.

She's clearly PS1 Laura Croft. Oh. Oh. Torbek is interested in the point of hearts. Well, hello there. Oh. I mean, I would love to meet a failed archaeologist who finds long-lost dinosaurs and just murders them.

And she's wealthy before she finds the treasure. It's remarkable. Anyways. Oh, yes. So, thank you. We are not going to hurt her. We have two goblinoids, and not one of us hates gobonyids of any kind,

especially hobgoblins. Hubgoblins. Wait. Hold on. Outside of the stilt walkers that chamble about the marsh, I haven't seen a hobgoblin in many, many years. That's good. What can you tell us about these stilt walkers? We were able to observe them picking up eggs. They work for hobgoblins?

No, they were hobgoblins. Oh, fuck. They are hoggoblins. It's fine, it's fine, all right? What do you mean it's fine, man? They're walking around the swamps and they got giant cages of fuck. on their back. They're throwing our faces.

Totally different word, Gid. I think you maybe have something here is. Wait, what's stoop walkers? What are you even talking about? Oh, fuck, you were getting all money. We have a lot to explain to him, too. Look, regardless, no. It was just the, they are hobgoblins?

What you're saying? They're hobgoblins. They, um, peaceful a lot. They, uh, try not to get into any trouble. And to protect their clan, they go scavenging for eggs. to trade the soggy court in a peaceful manner

to protect their people. As long as they procure eggs, the soggy court leaves them be. Most eggs, Gid. They don't bother anyone who passes by, and if anyone tries to get rough and tumble with them, they scamper back into the muck. Let us go.

They didn't bother us at all, Gideon. Remember, they saw us. They could have hassled us, but they didn't. well, they probably could tell that I've killed a lot of them, you know. Well, what? Eggs are quite nutritious. So maybe they got some good, you know, advice for us. Nutrition advice.

Forging advice. About, like, eating square meals? Eating eggs, you know. Eggs are really more of a round, oval shape. Look, we're just trying to help your friend. So if you let us pass... I already open the way. Well, what to know?

Oh, could you let Jingle Jangle know that we're coming and we mean her no harm through a tree branch or otherwise? I could do my best, but if she's deep in her hole, I'll never be able to get the mess. That's the theme of time. Please God don't say the word hole again. What? Yeah. Can I please as a DM use the word hole? Nope.

It could be a hut. I'm not saying huts. I like that shift. It's not a hunch. Okay. She's deep in her cave. I'm Oh, yes.

Is it a can't say that one even? Is it a wet can? Is it a more moist game? No. But it's not talking about the moisture level. Yeah, you're not allowed to have anything that's phallic or cavernous. Make your curses.

At that room, rock room. I think the cave is very appropriate for a goblin to be in. Goblins live in caves, for the most part, or swamps, or on the moors, or in a city. We're going to go up to a cave, we're going to have a visit, we're going to offer our services, and we're going to help her out. Okay. All right, bye. If you can just let her know we're coming and we don't mean harm, so there's no misunderstandings.

Thank you. I will try. It's very nice to meet you, all telling me. We'll leave you be. And you begin to make your way up the hill. You do notice that occasionally the truth's moving closer to you, and you hear the... Who did I tell you about the time?

But you keep walking. You slowly hear the voice fade. And then I was 14. I punched that kid right in the nose, and you continue to walk. 14 is young for a hill after a lot. Oh, I'm glad that I didn't try to Tom Bombadil him. He probably would not have liked that very much at all.

What does that mean? I would have sung a cryptic song and told him to sleep, because that is what he should be doing. Do you think that when he was 14, he was just a little pile and that he'd gotten hillyer over time, or that he just emerged at his current scale? Arwood has it that there's probably some great myth of folklore about how he was formed and how he gained life,

and he just bent that hill the whole time. Yeah, you think when he said he punched that kid, like a rock slide situation. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's fucking dead. Oh yeah. He's dead. Like I had to a bit. Yeah.

Was it like a kid hill too? No, no, no. It was probably like an obnoxious kid like walking up the hill with him sister to fetch a pail of water. Oh, like chest of cheeks. Oh, like chest and cheeks. Oh, man. They never learn.

I will, I hate chest and cheeks. I never want to be embarrassed by a child ever again. Well, chest of cheeks hasn't been buried in a rock slides. So you'd learn real quick if you get over to tell me. That's true. Don't piss telling me off. Full metal alchemist-style, huge fists can come out of the fucking ground. It'll be like, was it the Legion dungeon of the rock hands that would grab you?

We make our way to the entrance of the opening, the doorway. The key-shaped cave. You can't say cave. I think cave is very good. The key-shaped domicile. You do. make your way to the entrance of the cave. It is a key shaped entranceway with a small door. It appears to be closed, but from a round window, you can see that there clearly lights on

on the inside. You can hear the clanging of metal, but peeking in, you don't see anyone or anything. The door appears to be open a small amount. It looks like you could swing the door in and make your way in if you chose to. I propose we knock to be polite. I'll take my cane and all. Wrap on the door. Excuse me, is anybody home? You...

You listen, and there is no response. Just the sound of jingling keys. Maybe she doesn't speak common. You feel as want to try? Oh, God. Well, maybe she just thinks we're like, you know, where the herring gun come back. back and here to steal her keys or whatever, just to, you know, expand a little on while we're here.

Oh, Wadadadu, the name is Cremanticle Crew of Carnivala Crew, and we're here to offer our services to you. Hopefully we can come to some mutually beneficial arrangement. Yeah, we're not evil marauding rabbits. We're just like a marauding collection of monsters. And feel free to say Wadadadad do back if you understand common. Jangle, Jangle, I'll let you come in if you want to. Oh, all right, we will. Right, fellas?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anything, thank you. Jengel, Jengel. Oh, all right, Gingle, thank you. All right, fellas, come on, let's go. Lead the way. Oh, yeah.

Would she be polite, young ladies first? Worn stone steps lead down into what feels like a cellar. It's chilly in here, and you detect a subtle, scent of iron in the air. From a distant spot within the chamber, sputtering candles illuminate a multitude of keys dangling from taut strings that crisscrossed the walls. Hundreds of other keys lie strown across the dirt floor. As you take in the scene, you hear the sound of keys jingling as a goblin emerges from the dimness. She was a coat lined with metal keys and carries a flail that has padlocks for heads. She manages a faint smile and says,

How might jingle, jangle, and lock a bit of happiness in your lives today? Oh, Torbeck is understanding things. Your guys are looking for a key. That's exactly right. Like my good friend Torbeck just said, we're looking for a key. Just one key. I see you've got a lot of them. Jingle dangle's got lots of keys.

If you look around the walls, you might be able to find one you like. Well, we're looking for a specific key, not necessarily one that we like the look of. Oh, Jingle jangle's feeling a bit overwhelmed by that, trying to feel. find one single key and all this messer keys is going to be difficult. What if we describe what it's for? Will that help? Jingle Djingo doesn't know what any of these keys is for. I just have this unnecessary need to collect them all.

Boy, you just like pick up all these keys just from like, you know, round? What fuck? Does anybody remember what the lock hole looked like? Let me go to my mind palace. Oh. Do I remember what the lock key, uh, looked like on the cage and maybe you can start to make an approximation. It was silver and it was ornate.

But it looked like it would fit just your normal-sized bird cage key. Jingle-Jangle, my name is Morning Frost. Thank you for letting us into your home. Jingle Jangle welcomes you into a home. You've already been very hospital. Sorry, he's turning into Harley Quinn. It's so difficult. I prefer Harley-Gwenz.

Silver lock. It was an ornate, you know, filigreed surface. It was beautiful, and it looked like perhaps a medium size. Not quite this large and certainly nothing like one of these over here. Something in the middle. Does that start to narrow down, perhaps down to a dozen? Or does that feel still like more like 100 keys that you have possessed? Jingle Jingle looks around nervously and you see thousands of keys in this place.

I'm trying to get from a thousand door a hundred. She is, I will actually show you what she looks like. Oh. So this is Jingle, that's adorable. She's got a bunch of keys. So that is Jingle Jeng. Oh, wow, she's got her one off for you. That's a pretty cool one.

That is badass. That is her. Oh. Well, I guess my iPad doesn't need that case anymore. It'll make it easier for me, to be honest. And she looks around. She begins to pat her body. You see that one of the padlocks has a key sticking in it.

She was clearly playing around with it. Not the right size, but there are tons of them. Jingle-Jangu could try to find the right key, but... Oh, Jingo is a war. How do you do it? Oh, Jingo, Jango. Hello. Sad, isn't it?

It's sad in it. Oh, boy, bro. I'm sad in it. All I'm sad in it. Every higgins. Somewhere full of keys and I got no air. Oh, that's quite a year. Wow.

Thanks. Do you think that maybe I could try to give it a shot? You mind if he? You mind if I'd try a little something, something? Jingle Jangle Jangle would need some kind of Well I will constiprocity you know We haven't been paying attention to the ones

One one moment I perhaps have just the thing for you No he's gonna take his clothes off again But Jingle Jangle doesn't want you to just give her something Because you feel like you have to Only if it's because you want to No no how about an IOU then we're going to kill the rabbits That will harassing you

Jingle Dengel doesn't want anybody to be killed She just wants to be able to be able to ruffle around for truffles when she gets hungry. Are you sure? We are very skilled. They could be hair today and gone tomorrow. Jingle, Jangle, think that was a really funny joke, but it's really sad when it's talked about in regards to people dying.

Well, we don't have to hurt anyone. Well, we don't have to kill anyone. I mean, like, if you want to root around for, you know, your mushrooms, free of freeing clear of being harassed. We had to get, hey, yeah, right. He didn't even love. What? But dick, man.

Appreciate it, man. You're like, thank you. Yeah, come on, man. That was for you. Why would they be hair-ass? Yeah. What the hair? And gone, you know,

they're like, hair-out today, gone tomorrow, and I was like, come on. And he took his clothes off. It's just a pun, Greg. Jingle, Django found your key. Oh, you did? Wait, the one, we're looking for.

You got it? Are you confident that that's why I went after my vague description earlier? Jingle Jangle knows keys better than anyone. Oh, I don't even need to do what I was going to do. Well, do you mind if we just take that? No, no, no, no. The rule of reciprocity, she clearly still obeys the former laws of this land. I would propose that we make an exchange, Jingle Jingle.

Jengle Jengel would really like it if you spent time with her and maybe had some tea. I think me absolutely can do that. I would love that. I haven't eaten in at least 30 minutes. You know, I think we can really straighten the deal because you've had a rough time of it. We can do something real nice. Are there any local animals, animals in the area, what are good at finding truffles? And if you would like one as a pet,

we could go on a nice side quest to find you one. And so you will be very scared. Jingle jangle starts to cry. Jingle, jangle, can have no bets. Because jingle jangle's so obsessed with geese, she forgets the feed them. Oh. Oh, Ricoh, how could you?

I look over and there's like 13 cats on me. You should have guessed by all the bones in the corner. Wait a minute. Uh, oh. I have an idea. Oh, no, Tormex not putting on a league. putting on a leash. Again.

You can't have been twice. Plan H. What about a pet that could feed itself very nicely around keys? Jingle, jangle worries it would

eat her keys. What was that? Jangle, jangle worries it would eat her keys. Oh yeah, that was the idea. No, that can't Oh, okay. She likes the keys.

I mean, don't just... Jingle Jangle doesn't really like the keys. Jingle Jengel's just obsessed with them because of what happened with Bevelina Bright Strong. Oh, oh, that would give us. Oh, yeah. It's what we're going to say. Look at you guys are talking about. Let me explain...

Bavlona. Bavlornna is the name of an evil hag here. She's a gross frog. A gross frog. A gross frog. And... Jangle would recommend that you fuck this.

That's right. How do you do it? You're going to say, I don't you, Brov, it's sad, in it? It is hard. Keys, in it. Oi, brov.

Jingle, jangle would recommend it for, jingle, jangle, so she would recommend that you don't go to Bavlorn asking for help. Oh, thanks for explaining that for Gideon.

You're welcome. I am Gideon. I'm talking about Bavlorn the whole time. I know. You don't have to pretend, get in, it's all right. She's an evil hag

what drowned older people here, took over this hither, and she has put up a soggy court, which we believe to be a bunch of frogs that have very silly revolutions and behead each other, quite

macabrely, and political commentarily. Jingle thinks you've got the right of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she is gross, and she has little hers that bathe her and carry her around, and she's frog lock, and she's nasty. Anything we're missing here?

She kidnapped Hootie. Well, they all kidnapped Hootie. Yeah, well, she was a part of it. What does that have to do with the keys? Oh, she cursed jingled jingo to be obsessed with keys. So anyway, we're not going to ask. That would happen? We're not going to answer for help.

We can help you get these. X removed. Jingle, jangle, went to bevelorn a bright straw, light straw. It's so hard. Why do they sound so much similar in my head? I can't.

I can't keep it, though. Just keep trying. I believe in you. Honestly, if you start and you slip, it's not going to hurt my feeling. My tongue is just, he just wants to go there. He wants to wrap itself around hardly and just let go.

Just say, oh, and that it goes wrong there. It's like Kelsey always had when she was. doing Hazel, she always had the Oh no. Oh no. She had another one that she used to do all the time. Terrible. Terrible. Yeah, so I need something like that, and I thought it was

Jingle Jangle, but it's not. That's perfectly accurate for Jingle Jingo. Jingo. Jingo. Jingo, went to Bevelona and Esther to fix my paranoia. I always had a paranoia that I was going to be locked behind a door.

See? It's doing it. For me, all road lead to Lethika. Yeah, I know you can't. I'm going to keep going to go on, though. She's just a, she's... Oh, she's a goblin. It's very nice. She's a New Yorker and love. Yeah, that's far. She's a goblin. It's perfect.

Before you went to Babylon, did you also refer to yourself in the third person all the time? Or is that additionally... Jingle-Jangle lost a sense of self. Hmm. Jingle jingles completely obsessed with keys.

He's in third person And this Is it something we can fix? Can we undo it? And she signed some kind of contract Is it some sort of magic That she's holding over you That we can sort of just

Nip in the buzz You know what I mean? We may be able to produce A medicine up Oh We left Twig at the bottom of the hill What are you talking about I'm sitting in a place?

Oh Twig! Twig! No, you can just talk so much Oh What is I'm supposed to say? Um, I think her name isn't jingle jangle. Yeah, it is.

That's what she keeps calling herself all the time. No. Is your name jingle jingle jangle? Jingle jangle's my name. No, it's like I've been mind-broken so much that I'm like, there's no Grico or Gondra Kings. There's only a gross. And so if to come,

What if we figure out her real name? Perhaps that will return her sense of herself. Because Jingle Jingle is a key-feemed name. So we need to discover her real name. Discover herself identity again. You know, did the obsession with keys come first? Or, you know, was it named just Jingle Jangle? And Bavlorn and thought it would be,

hey, it'd be fun if I made her fucking obsessed with keys, you know? No, her obsession. Her fear was being locked in the cage because you're a free bird. Jingle Jingle's fear was to be locked. behind a closed door. Closed door, exactly right. So, she brought, did you go to Bevon for help? I also the other side of a locked door.

That's why your door is cracked open, because you're afraid you'll get locked inside if it closes. Oh, we're making progress, lads. So, you went to help, so you would never get locked, and she said, ah, wouldn't it be ironic if you were obsessed with gays? Does she have a problem is a little bit locked out? Anyways, she says, Oh, no, you're all about keys.

That's ironic. And you lost your name and your identity and your true passion, which might be like, I don't know, watercolors or something. Oh, that's like rain on my wedding day. It's a free ride. Wouldn't it feel ironic? Oh, that's nice.

Is that close? You know, it's really funny about that, though. Rain on your wedding day isn't ironic at all. It's just unfortunate. That's a good point. Like, that's not even irony. No. Oh, sorry for saying irony in here, jingle, jangle.

It's like a frozen pee in your glass of champagne. That's not ironic either. That's just unfortunate. It's a free ride that's already paid. Oh, gosh. We already did the irony thing. This is bad writing. But...

You're not allowed to just have your characters state how they feel. That makes me angry. That's my favorite moment. That's fucking funny. That's very funny. I like that one. I'm going to write that down right here. Oh, that's really funny.

Yeah. I don't want to dare to really think something is funny. And he just casually gets... Oh, yeah, that was pretty good one. Yeah, okay. Okay, so we need to figure out Jingle-Jangle. I don't even want to call you that, because that's not your name. It's a curse.

Jingle-Jangle is Jingle-Jangle's name. Well, let's put it, has it always been your name before you went to Babylona? Jingle-Jangle can't remember a time before her name was Jingle-Jungo. Ah, well, well... So here's the plan. Look, how about if you give us that key, we'll take care of all this for you. for you. And by take care of, I mean smil the smag, if you know what I'm saying. Smaker smegs.

What? Wait, what? You just smil to smeg? I don't understand. What's a smag? What's a smag? You know what I mean? Yeah, glee-jingle. It's okay, jingle-jingle.

I don't understand them either. And you see his twig is sipping on some tea with jingle-jingle and they begin to have a conversation out in the, off in the corner. Jingle, jingle, I have the perfect thing for you. Oh, you're going to join their conversation. Jingle, I'm sorry to interrupt. What were you talking about? Jingle jangle, we're just going to give Twig this key.

Oh, do you want something in exchange? I have something for you. Twig gave Jingle jangle this other key. You had a key, Twig? Oh, yeah, I have a lot of keys. Why am I talking in this voice? Why does this do this to me? My brain starts turning into this. This is why I designed I found some of no NPCs in the same.

You know, so here's the thing. I'm going to break it down here. Now you know who's seen. Curse of Straw gave me a full sense of security and my ability to move from one NPC to the other. That's hard. And I was like, you know what, I can do it in this. campaign. No, I can't. Unless it's everybody. That's because they have.

If you have every single NBC that accent would be fine. To say wild, Brooklyn, I'm going to call the Mario brothers to fix my toilet. But I also need you to stop doing that voice because it's going to make it harder. Okay, who see? I'm a goblin. Now we don't talk like it. Well, you know what? It's over. She has no more voice. She's not going to answer any more Jingle, jingle had a heart attack. But at least we got the key. Yeah, we have the key now. Should we take the others?

Oh, you have to loot a body for us, frankly. I definitely, I definitely have lots of keys on me because I've run an end, so all of my rooms have to have keys, you know? Oh, may you give us the grand tour of your cave abode. Why are you looking at me? I'm twig. Oh. I expected clam and I've got a muddy passage, so my brain is still all popsicle.

Anyways. Yeah, I also crushed him with a body and then elbowed him in the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, we're gone. But we're piecing it all together. Can we ask Jingle Django, are you supposed to the conversation?

She nods. Oh, Jingle Django, would you like to give us a grand tour of your subterranean dueling? Duneling. One jangle for yes, two jangles for no. Oh. She just waves her hand around the room to show you that it is clearly just a very small, circular room. Oh, I thought they were just multiple rooms. Oh, love what you're done with the place.

No, that was Twig who said she had multiple rooms in her end and why she had keys to train jingle, jangle for a key. Oh. Hey guys. Yes, Roveeck. D'Lorbeck doesn't like to complain. But this whole thing with Jingle-Jangle is giving Torbeck horrific existential dread.

What with the whole loss of self thing? Referring to Torbeck in the third person? I mean, what's with that? That is extremely possible that you've been cursed. I mean, but, but, I mean, is no one else concerned? To be fair, Toge, Tobit, Jingle-Jangle fell in terms. to the nefarious hands

of an evil fake creature and her mind was horribly walked against her will and her identity was totally ruined and destroyed I mean you don't go to work yeah that's nothing like what happened I think he needs before even his

transformation he was speaking to in third person when we knew him at the carnival he's always referred to himself as Torbeck I actually never listened to him before. Jingle-Jangle-Jangle is really concerned about what's going on.

Fuck, I cannot do this. I cannot. I cannot do this. Banana. Here we go. Here we go. Banana. There you go.

Oh, good, oh, good, oh, good, what's this supposed to out. Dingle jangle just wants to unlock a bit of happiness in your life today. Oh. Not a sense of existential.

your dread. Oh, it's not your fault. Tangle Tangle, somehow. This is probably Tormac's fault. I mean, who it is Torbeck anymore? Can you get some of that tea? Just smooth him out. Tingle Dangle will give you a bit of tea. I think it will make you feel a lot better. It's a common kind of tea. So once you drink it all of a sudden, you don't have any more

blood pressure. Oh, that sounds lovely. Tangle, dangle. Oh, yeah. We want some blood pressure. The right amount of blood pressure. I feel like the machines handling the blood pressure. I don't think there's any choice of it. Thorpeg's name is Janie. It's a nightmare.

Do you remember 2003? Barely. So what we're going to do is we're going to restore every one sense of identity. We're going to return everyone's ego You know, in a good way Jingle Jangle wants you to have a bit of information though if you're going to go out on this adventure

So that you don't get into any kind of trouble Okay You're very generous thank you very much Jingle Jingle Jangle Well Jangle Jangle jangle is it's important to her If you have a good time and you are happy And that can't happen if you're dead Okay

Well thank you the goblin Currently known as Jingle Jingle. Jingle Jangle is Korea as to why you call her the goblin currently known as Jingle-Jangle since that is her name. Grick-O was convinced that you had some name before you would Jingle-Jangle.

She shakes her head. Either way, I think we can deal with this obsession with Keyes. Maybe Jingle-Jangle reference something else. Maybe, you know, her parents were just into that kind of name. Well, I mean, it is quite a very common goblin name. I just thought it was

I mean, I just thought it was a coincidence. Your name's Jingle-Jingle? That's my name, too. You're never going to believe this. I mean, in my class of Goblin taught school, it was mostly just Jingle-Jingles and Globo's. Jingle-Jangle, here, here, here, here. No.

Langle J, J. J-Jingle-Jangle G. J. J-Jingle-J-J-J-J. Well, all their last names are jengles. Oh, shit. Just like the snakes. Jingle, jingle, jingles, Schmit.

Jingle jingles, oh, fuck! What? I don't know why Schmidt is a very cob and goblin last name. But, I don't know. Grim, grim, grim, yeah. Smith. Anyways. Jingle jangle's not sure why you keep singing this song,

but I'll go ahead and tell you what I know. It's a few, things, if you're going to help jingle, you're going to have to deal with stag. Okay. With stag? Hag. Can you spell it? H-A-G.

H-I-die. Okay. Inge? No, it's H-A-G. H-I. H-I. H-G. J.

H. H. H. She said we got to kill bad long. You did it? Write that down your little book.

J. H. H. H. H. H. Oh, it's the exit. I could.

Hague. Hague. Yes? Egg. Yeah. Thank you jinkle. Jangle. Egg.

Miss jangle. If you're nasty. Fuck is it. Yeah. Oh, we're not nasty here. Ho Chi, Yim us, I'm not. You get you in Yem us and Hutsi. Oh, let's see.

You're impressionable. Don't listen to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gone out of control somehow. Okay, so we have a Londoner in chat. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, you know.

Oh, you know. It's the, uh, the groin and spine so he's mind on the plane. Okay, but to be fair, that movie is hot fire, so. I agree. Mike hasn't seen it. I've been hurry.

I still. What me? The plane made me fall on the plane falls. Does it? You know, in the Spanish parlance, a siesta would normally be happening right about now. We could all take a break for working. It's actually weird.

We're drinking tea in a cave. This is the classic time. The siesta would be right. Take me back. Are you familiar with the concept of a siesta, I mean? in his two weeks notice for what his... So he can move to speaking.

I'm residing. Sorry. Jingle-jangle. Thank you. A hack, yes, I got it. I know how to spell that. Jingle-Jangle wants you to know that the egg is a very formidable foe. Okay. But first, you're gonna have to get through Briggins' tollway. Okay, we've a plan for that.

That's where the rabbit's are, right? An Agdenong scarf is the leader of the herringon Briggins. He wears a bright blue scarf and moves... Fuck! He was as fast as lightning. Carrying hears who Hendon Briggins are old. He fell scarves. My encounter him.

That's pretty good. Bright blue and scarves. Fast as lightning? Yes. He wears a bright move scarf. He's so fucking. as fast as lighting fuck off. And that he, I'm just going to give you the exposition

because I cannot keep this up. He is in some way in league with Babylon of Light Strong. No, the F-Sack. That the herring gons are not to be trusted. We know that. They, just to explain their true, evil and treacherous nature, Jingle Jangle describes to you what happened to her

just three days hence. She was digging for truffles in the swamp when the herring guns left out from behind the reeds and shrubbery. They took Jingle Jingle's truffles through Jingle Jingle down in the mud and whacked Jingle Jangle with wooden clubs. Oh, wow.

That was excessive. People running up on one person behind their business and hit him with a bunch of clubs and stealing this. Oh, wait a second. If Torbeck had a dad, They fucking did.

She then begins to explain to you about Briggins' tollway that you will meet it on your way towards downfall. It is a series of old wooden catwalks that circle a giant tree stump. The Briggins camp atop the stump because it gives them the advantage of high ground. That they will see you coming before you get there unless you have some sort of a plan to infiltrate.

that you cannot trust what any of the brigands say because Agden Longscarf has the final say and he reports to no one other than Bevalourne of Lightstraw. So whatever promises you were made cannot be counted upon. Well, I always, already didn't care for that Agden fella. That Agadden fella that I was trying to resist but Cremie made us all give up our soul to the F-Sexam.

So that was a big end for Kremie. But don't you worry, Jingle Tangle. When this is all over, we're going to be saying, it's over, Agaton. I have no high ground. She then imparts additional information on you. Well, that's pretty funny. I really expect to enjoy it.

I'm choosing to ignore it. It'll definitely be burnt. half a lot. She then informs you that the, if you're truly going to stop this, it's not just going to stop

with Bevalor and a bright, blight straw. You will need to eventually make your way into thither. And to do that, there is only one way. The only, the only entities that are able to move

between the Splinter realms are the hags themselves and a few guides that have somehow found ways to make their way across. Oh. The only one that she's aware of and has ever met is a

pincer-clod scarecrow named Clapperclaw. What? That's kind of cool. Hanging around downfall, and he knows the way to the neighboring realm of thither. And she informs you that thither is ruled by a hag named Granny Nightshade. Granny Nightshade.

Scafow! And that is all that jingle-jangle knows. That's quite a bit of knowledge. Jingle, jangle. I can call you jingle. Jingle, jangle, do you know what... I already forgot his kicker's name. Clapper Kla.

Mr. Klaar. Clapper Kla. Ms. Klaar. Do they prefer favors or something that we can prepare ahead of time to trade? or gift? Jingle, jangle's not sure.

He's never spent much time with Clapperclaw. Can we be able to hear him coming from the clapping of his claws? Come on, boss. Let me give him the clapas. Now that's going to be in my voice. I'm going to do it again.

Clavis! Okay, give him the claps. She says no. Oh, no. Well, okay. That's a lot to take in. Man, you have a very nice info dump voice. A very nice exposition.

You have a very nice reading voice. You read real nice. Hey, you're going to read real nice. Um, jiggle jingle, You've already given us so much. You've given us the key we were seeking. You've given us tea. You've given us hospitality. I would feel bad if I didn't give you a little something.

Jangle, Jengel, would love a gift. I reach into my pack, and it goes from... 78 pounds. 74 pounds to... In a moment. 73 pounds. as I hand you a one pound lot. Jingle, jangle has never been so happy

and her enjoy a lot. I don't have the key for this anymore. Oh, jingle, jangle, we'll find a key for this lot. I was going to say you could try them all in this lot, perhaps. She rushes over to you and hugs you tight around the waist. Thank you. You can hear the sounds of the clanking keys on her vest as they're smushed together as she hugs you and patch your back.

It's been a pleasure. Jingle-Jangle. You're all welcome at Jingle-Jangles Cave anytime you want to come by. All that telling me he'll know. Is there anything that can you think real hard about what you liked before Kees? And we can find that for you and promise you to get it. Jingle-Jangle-Lot, Keys! Oh, no.

Oh, man, it's probably just truffles. She was out rooting for truffles. We'll just get a sack of those and bring them back. Jingle-Jangle loves a good truffle. Oh, so we should find the truffles you dropped and maybe bring them back in? Jingle-Jangle didn't drop the truffles. She got beat up, she got whacked the fence before she even gets riddle. The Stingles back to their place.

Oh, yeah. They've probably eaten them already by now and Jingle Jangle will never get to taste them. That really, that happens a lot, actually. Every town when we were in a traveling circus. When they smacked me with their sticks, they say, said, we's gonna steal from you right now, and then they did. Oh. Oh, man, did they say?

This is a robbery. Oh, that's it. Oh, my God. Those guys. And then they robberied me. That's how they do it. We hate robberies. And you know.

Jingle, Django hates robberies. Yeah. And you know what? Poor Gideon. She's been robberied three times. It's just bad for them? Three times? What?

They always know. where to find jingle jangle and they push it down into the muck. They say, we're going to robber a you, and then they do. Wait, how do they know how to always find you? Because I always go on Wednesdays. Like to the same place? Yes. To, to, oh man, bro.

And I'm a scared you. These cats are sociopath. Everybody is fucking Wednesday. It's the equivalent of women. It's wooded. Get the sticks, boys. It's the 15th day of the third month. We're going hunting.

Well, you know, jingle jangle, we usually don't want to get really into the weeds and get too pedantic, but I think it's time we split some hairs. Jingle Jengal will really like that word pedantic. I just want you to know that was good. Thank you. You know, and this is probably bringing back a lot of traumatic memories from Gideon.

Every single town we went to, Gideon would always find these people who would, you could put them into the mud and get beaten, and have this stuff robbery from them. And it was always highway brigands. And it was amazing. Jingle Jengel hates Briggins. Yeah, yeah.

I couldn't believe it. It was every single town we were at. I couldn't believe it. Oh, Jingle Jangle ever wants to do is Briggins. happiness to me and you. Oh. And so sometimes when people are mean to jingle jangle, it hurts.

Actually, not just sometimes, all the times that people are mean to jingle jangle, it hurts. I mean, my heart's getting hurt right now. If we have, okay, hypothetically, this is going to happen. If the rabid juggie too, and you just didn't hear about it,

whatever you go. Okay. Jangle Jangle's not sure because now that you've said that Jingle Jangle thinks if the Rebits don't show up and beat the ever-living shit out of her every Wednesday, then it means the rabbits are dead. Well, I mean, you know, we could just come by on certain Wednesdays if it would make you feel better and just like, you know, beat you up a little ourselves if that would help. What?

Well, she said, you know. Jengle Jengle is confused. Are you offering to protect Jingle Jengel on Wednesdays when she's, Truffle Hunter, or are you wanting to beat ever-living shit out of Jingle-Jangle yourself? I don't want that, but I'm starting to think that maybe because you always go out on Wednesdays and then it happens, you just kind of become

accustomed to it, and so if it didn't happen, you know, you'd be like, you kind of miss it a little bit. Or else, you know, maybe he's trying to establish some normalcy. Yeah, it's kind of like, hey, you know, maybe go out on a Thursday, you know, every once in a while. If Jingle Jengle went out on a Thursday, she wouldn't be able to get the truffles, they only show up on Wednesday.

She's not routine. No, it's not her fault. routine it's just that they only come up on Wednesdays. All right, we're gonna make the woods safe for truffle hunting on Wednesdays, and we are not gonna get into the particulars of how we're gonna do that. Don't ask any questions. You're gonna be saying Jingle jangle, she'll be safe on Wednesdays to go truffle hunting again.

Well, like, on the equivalent of Wednesdays. I promise that when you go truffle hunting on the equivalent of Wednesdays, you will no longer be harassed by rabbits. Jingle. That's pretty good. When they attempt to rob you, do you attempt to use your flail? Jangle Jangle isn't... That looks very painful.

Jangle Jangle isn't attempted to be robbery. Jingle Jangle is robbery. No, no, no, no. When you are robbed, do you try to defend yourself with the flail? You have a flail of lots. You're holding it right now. It's like 20 of them. It looks pretty, bitch.

I don't know. Jingle Jangle is a pacifist, and she does not want to get into any kind of fights. And why be a flame? A crazy weapon. Torbeck is especially interested in now. Because it looks really cool. It's enough for fun.

No, well, I understand. Whenever Torbeck would fire in those poor people, he always said, oh, he somehow witnessed it all. And there was pacifist and couldn't fight back against the highwaymen that rubbed them. And they just lost this stuff and would run out of town. Jingle-Jangle walks over to you, Torback, and reaches up and grabs your hand.

Jingle-Jangle is so sorry. you've been cursed and not have your own sense of identity either. And she hopes that someday you'll be able to find it. And maybe if you kill all the eggs, you'll be able to get who you were back. And your name was probably Torbeck. Oh, that thing. Regardless of what anyone was trying to tell you.

We'll help you, I guess. Well, fellas, I think we know what's next on the docket. I guess I can give you a pot and gift. I'll pull out a shiny metal case and I'll snap it open. How about a cigarette? Jingle, jangle doesn't know what a cigarette is. How does jingle jangle use it? All right, just put it in your mouth.

Here you go. God did out of my fucking hand. I got a lot of shit to you. A Torbeck would like a cigarette. Yeah, if we fucking the bedroom, I'll give you a cigarette after. That's actually what the playoffs, boy. That's not a half of it. Okay, Mr. Crammy.

I just really wanted that. As long as none of that happened, I really enjoyed you when the Matrix reloaded. I don't even understand that. I've never seen The Matrix, so I just laughed at that because the way you said it was fun. Yeah, I agree. Thank you. There's a keymaster in the Matrix Reloaded. Oh, that's right.

Oh, yeah, remember that now. Jingle-Jangle doesn't want to smoke it hurts her lungs, so she's not going to have any of that. All right, just... I'll just... I'll just give it... But Jingle-Jengel does appreciate the kind gesture for what it is. Now, Clemmy, read in terms of service, we can incurring tobacco. Oh, fuck, it says rather on the pack. Yeah, okay, you hear-m-a-mo's hoot-say, earmusty.

What the fuck is the state of California? It's a district in Galtica. What's a carcinogen? Jingle Jengel knows exactly where Daddy is. I'm doing it again. No, Twig says. Yeah, um, then look, but it's so weird because it's the only place in Galctica

where all of the summer Eladron hang out. Where are we in the timeline right now? It was so cool going to Goltica before it was destroyed horribly. If only that monster kaiju hadn't destroyed it. Yeah, that other monster kaiju too that showed up and they just punched each other in the face on top of all the buildings. And then that giant monkey was climbing that one,

a lady in his hand. Yeah. Yeah, that sucked. Oh, no. They said he has got to go. Go, go. Gloppy Zilla. On that note.

Yeah. Jingle, Jingle, we should probably go because it's getting late. Yeah, well, just we have a deal, and you won't have to worry about them again. Jangle, Jangle, thanks you for your help, and you're welcome

at Jingle Jengles Cave anytime you want. All right, fellas. Jingle Jingle, hope she brought you a little bit of happiness today. A lot of happiness. A lot of happiness. And also crippling anxiety. But it was fine because we're friends now.

Jingle Djangle was just gonna say she's so happy she's got friends now, just the hill, but also all five are used and also twig. Jingle, before we go, is there anything we can do for Telling me? Does he'll need like tidying or grooming or... Jingle Jingle really likes Teller Me ill because he's really safe and he makes sure nothing happens to jingle jangle on top of his ill. and he's really funny and tell the stories that I'm pretty sure never happened. Yeah, and don't worry about it. I feel like Frosci's setting up a gross joke right now. Jingle, jangle, thinks that the only thing that would make telling me he'll really happy

is to also have friends himself, because no one ever comes by to talk to him, so he gets kind of lonely. Oh. Well, that walk was really long, and I had to water him once or twice or twice. This time it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault this time. No, we were so close. We were this close to perception. No, no, it has happened every time.

We were this close. Oh, you brought a watering cane. Oh, very nice. Oh, it's the golden watering cane. I'm gonna sell that for one. Oh, my God, what's happening? Oh, no. Oh, no.

Why did this smell like a molley? I mean, that's very funny. I'm the Lorax and I speak for the... No! Executive Vito! Bye! Bye! Bye, do you. But you see all make her.

Goodbye, Mr. Taylor me. Goodbye, Jeangling. I love you and Matrix. Hamble would say goodbye to one of their new friends and fun family. How long is the walk to where we're going next? Oh, it smiles. Well, if we were on a moving hill, perhaps, we've gotten closer.

Oh. It looks like the hell as I moved literally at all. We're in basically the same spaces. But if you look like, look what twigs are just a bunch of fog. But I think if the fog would be able to see Briggins' tollway, though. Are we talking days? Oh, look. A phone I can lick. No, no.

Oh, my man. It tastes like bee. Oh. That wasn't torment. Oh, it's over. And our careers. In the YouTube video, when you just put a title card right here,

like, the party was unfortunately killed. It was a terrible. Watch it. A little, uh. Oh, it's moved. You can't see it. It's to a way. Let's go in that direction.

What? We're leaving, telling me. I mean, Mr. Hill. Hi. Hi, are you all right? Hi. Are you feeling well? Yeah.

Good luck with your Hill business. No, no. Oh, I have an idea. Mr. Hill. Yeah. Would you like to accompany us on a quest to help mutual friend Jingle-Jangle get some

vengeance on some nasty conies. She was very delightful. We want to do something nice for her. I really like Jingle-Tangle. It is a shame what happens her on every day similar to Wednesday. Yes, it is. Yeah.

So, we need the high ground. You are literally high ground. And you move. So I don't think the rabbits will expect. Oh, they think they have the high ground. We will be on literal high ground.

We're bringing a mountain to a stump fight. Yeah, it's all that good. It's a mountain to a stump fight, see? Would you like to assist us in such an endeavor? Are you asking me to take you to Briggins doorway so you can rough up those ruffians that was roughen up jingle jangle on days similar to Wednesday? We may not rough them up. We're just going to put a stop to their robbing and injuring jingle jangle.

You've got it, kids! Oh, grandpa's got a lot of energy. Let's go! You feel the hill's shake, as all of a sudden the roots begin to move up, and you are shocked, because you saw this hill move in his place. It was very slow. But as the roots begin to pick up,

they begin to rush forward, and you feel like you are jolted, and you feel this hill. Hill charge towards Briggins' Bowler. The mist and fog is parting very quickly. The wind is whipping past all of you as you hear

Oh, jingle, jangle, oh, Telling me Hill is going. And that is where we will end the session. Let's go. Telling me is gone plaid. Thanks for run the session, Nikki. Oh, that was so fucking fun. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends

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