Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 27 | Lord of the Flies

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

The gang finally meets with the King of Downfall...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/FaByDbZVT-o?si=ur9QJWWwUX5dx8c1

Welcome to Legends of Adventress. What a do, the name's Cremely Le Crewe. You're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Torbeck. You awake. You've been thoroughly washed and cleaned. Your bows tied in all over the place.

You smell of lavender and cinnamon. Get out! Get out! Torbeck! He's! What you guys are here? Oh, I know. Torbeck, you're tiny and blonde. Where do you do? Don't step on torment.

Oh, my. What is happening to me? Oh my God. I am an elder god made flesh. Oh, no. You are a beefcake right now, okay? And I just want to cut me a slice. I'm begarling.

Wait, somehow Tuggles returned? Yes. We saw, let's all. Which lot? Tollback. Torqu. Oh, sorry. Tollbag.

I'm here. Tobe, I hope I didn't blow out your eardrums. I took the full force of Toby's growth right on the first. There was a moment where you saw surrounding chuckles, seven shadowy figures. You have made no progress for the past few hours. So no one told you your life was going to be this Ragnah way. Hi-haw.

Hi-h. You step out of the smoldering building that is the balloon factory. Bevelona couldn't be trusted, and thus neither could be the ruling member of the soggy court. Oh yes, I do not. And it's such a shame, too, Morgow.

She was the best flying those balloon contraptions. Have you no herald to announce your presence before King Gallup the 19th? Oh, Snoodle, we have guests. You have... finished up in the burned balloon factory and made your way over the bridge that housed the heads of all of the deposed monarchs of the soggy court. It feels like a lot has happened in a short amount of time, and it also simultaneously feels like nothing has happened in a long amount of time.

But such are the ways of the fay, as you make your way towards a gazebo off in the distance. A grand marble gazebo stands a time. top a mound of soggy earth. Its white stone streaked green with algae. The support pillars have sunk into the muck unevenly so that the domed canopy now sits askew. Short steps ring the gazebo leading to a raised floor where Bullywugs dressed in Rococo garb lounge on pillows. Among them, a harpist sends forth delicate notes that mingle with the murmured croaking of the gathered nobles. On a dais, a flabby bullywg wearing a crown of woven lily flowers sits on an ornate throne, with his legs folded under him.

He has a large leather-bound book open across his lap and is mouthing the words he reads on the pages. Without looking up, he says, Have you no herald to announce your presence before King Gallup the 19th? He slams the book closed as if to punctuate his question regarding you for the first time.

Sleepy Bullywugs, sleepy Bullywug guards standing around their monarch snapped to attention and ready their weapons. Next to him, a small crocodile stirs in his sleep, a baby crocodile. And lounging on the steps of the dais going forward. You see a Bullywug court gesture in drab garb look up out of a daze and begin to stare at you as he writes himself

and takes his place on the left-hand side of the king. Oh, Harold. Grico, do you think? The Bullywag guards are pointing weapons at you currently. I'll pull out my ocarina. I'm trying to look as like regal as possible. I'll shoot off three British flames in today. As you play, as my...

You have to announce a I would like you to roll a performance check at advantage. Oh. With Gideon's up. Boom, boom. Shut up. Enough. Oh.

I got a one in a free. I'm gonna eat your kids. Natural 20. That's good, because otherwise it would have been awful recorder. My heart will go on. That's your favorite. It is on standby for when you TPK. I don't care that we're going to get copy struck.

I'm playing the fucking song. Now introducing his most connivingness, his slimyness. His slimyness. The King Regent Duke Baron of Carnival Le Crew. A Cremie of House Le Crewe. House words is snail number two is to the best. A vassal house of King Smebulak and a Cremi. Isn't Frost wearing the pen?

Yes. Big hand picks it up. Boom. That's how it works, where we're sticking with what's happening. Oh, is it floating in the air? Yeah, on a May Channel. I'll just, it should just hover on front of your chest. I also mentioned that he has the power to

command flies. You notice that all of the nobles have, they're bobbing their head along to the songs if they're really enjoying it. The harp stops as the ocarina begins to play and the sound reverberates through the swamp. You even hear off in the distance what are clearly some probably asshole cicadas. Lulled by the music, however, and humming along to it off in the distance.

The swamp responds in kind. The nobles let out, as Gideon produces pyrotechnics from his hands. And they all seem to be in awe of the five of you as you make your way towards the dais. The guards look towards the king who motions with his hands to lower their weapons. And he crosses his arms in front of his chest as he eyes all of you suspiciously,

but he seemed there's a slight smile on his face. He seems at least impressed for the moment. My intention is that I can use magic to help modulate my ocarina sound. And I would like it to sound like a very midi trumpet, like you might find an Angel Fire website for you people old enough to now. To kind of really lead to the, to help the ambiance. Okay. I'm just want to add some flavor.

You're going to be at least 35 to get back. Look up Angel Fire and GeoCity Zoomers. GeoCity's pretty nice. Neo Pet Shop. 20 megabytes every day of download speed. I would like you all to roll a D20. Actually, I need you to roll because I'm going to determine which table it is. I want you each to roll a D2.

What does it, Derek, roll a D2 for all of us? Because I want you to each have the opportunity be on a different table. Can I do my D4 and divide it by two? If you would like to. I'm going to flip a banana. One is new and two is old. You can't flip a banana.

Do a D2. This D2 is from corn and the dice meth. Thank you so much. I'm going to borrow a D2. This big two is from Amazon G. Thank you so much. I got a Crackin. A minute, two.

I got a two. One. I also got a one. Two is new? Grico got. one is new, two is all. Torbink also got a one. I got a one as well.

So Gideon is the only one they got a two. Damn it! Gideon, roll a D-20 part of the place. Good luck. That's amazing. You should twist it. Think about how it does. Oh, I'm my dad or something.

You know, I will allow you to twist it. Twist this? Why? What's the one? Does it suck? I mean, you can keep the one. Can you just the new table? Can we like force it to the new table if we spend like five twists? You just really want to be on the new table? Yeah, I want to be on a new table. What's funny is that when you use the twist, you get another twist of fate.

That's fair. So you're a fake twist, right? I haven't been doing. Well, you haven't been doing that? To be fair, I have not, no. Oh, thank God. I thought that he was just going to get in a recursive insanity loop. I mean, I'll tell you can be on the new table, but you get, you get number one.

I will give you number one on the new table. Okay. Oh, that's not good. You can only communicate through interpretive dance. Yes. Oh. I wanted that. I'm so upset.

Give you a one. Give you one. Okay, Andy roll. Are we doing D20s? D20s. 16. You believe you are a time traveler and you start making wild predictions.

11. You start experiencing sudden deaths of amnesia and forget important details about your quest. Natural 20. Oh. Everyone but you is speaking gibberish,

unless what they are saying makes no sense at all to you. Four. You believe you are a master chef and start critiquing everything you come across as such. Man, that's no difference. That's no change. I'll be standing there. I'll be mentioning crime and saying,

we were just leaving never mind forgetting this goodbye what the fuck no no no no why are we here why we in the swamp master chef Kremlin Krohn when I have a longer title that whatever he said

What was it going to go? What was my title Oh it was It was Cramsey Your chef Kramsey Oh your title? Yeah Oh I mean you

You were out on a bail bond at stink mud when you got arrested there for a public busking. Anyway, all that's important is that I am a master chef. And I'm joined by my band of nobles, as you can see by my pen. I'm quite important. He does seem to glance towards it.

I'm joined by Lord Gideon, Rodeandra. Cremie, you're embarrassing yourself. I have to apologize for my friend for speaking such gibberish. to you. It's making no sense. What? What? What? What? What? What you talking about?

Please watch your language. He sounded just fine to me. Oh, it's everyone. Torbeck has a question for the king and potentially the local populace. Uh, Torbeck is slightly confused. Have the gorgal flops invaded new Oglet Galpikinos yet? What is Newhaguay Galtaquino? Did anyone understand a single thing he said?

No. What is the right? New Agway Galtaquinos, the mega empire. You're not making any sense. Whoa, wait a little bit. Are you feeling off? Are you feeling alright? At least I think he's speaking common.

What was that? Did you have anything to help with sort of like mental ailments, some kind of like, I don't know, like caffeine or anything? What? You like tea or coffee? He's probably having a migraine. The king is beginning to look a little concerned. And he looks between all of you, and then he motions towards a frog that is carrying a silver platter.

He is dressed in the equivalent of a black tuxedo. And the king motions towards him, and then motions towards you. And very quickly, this Bullywug makes his way over, and he has a silver tray that's piled high with the frog equivalent to Jordan Alman's. They're very clearly candy-coated flies. And a...

The canister, what's the word I'm looking for? A bars. No, that would have flowers in it. Oh, no, I'll take... Thank you for the Jordan. and almonds with two oars. What kind of vessel? Like to pour a beverage from.

A carafe? Yes, a carafe. Thank you, Andrew. They're just called long horses, all right? A carafe, which is filled with some kind of fruity beverage. Looks like probably lemonade made from squeezed flies. And they pour drinks for you. Oh, take a tasting spoon out.

What's in this? Swarmwater? I have asked you once to watch your language. Oh, that's fair. I guess I am. I would not ask again. I apologize, your majesty. This is just foul and disgusting.

You are in the presence. I was expecting a little something better. What did you say about flamenade? Please, please, please, please. Oh, just. The eminmate. Greenwich. That might be Red Dardock.

Red Dardock. Red Dwarves. Oh, Red Dardock. I forgot about that adventure. Don't eat any of the Red Dardock. Why do you guys keep saying Red Dardock? What is anybody saying right now? But you understand Gideon's interpretive

perfectly. I agree. Everyone's gone insane, Gideon. It's crazy. I apologize, you majesty. What did you say about the flymanade? You should just drop the eminade because it just tastes like flam. It's... Fly manade.

Oh, flymanade, oh. Well, it's... Oh, like flymaid. Oh, that's pretty good. Is that a reblam? This is one of my grocery names. Carl, the cook. Somebody find him and kill him.

Oh. Our guests are not enjoying the flymanade. I didn't mean to like, I didn't mean to like, get him executed or anything. I mean, I'm sure he makes good food. You have any of the sample? There's a little taste. The Jordan Flymans.

I'm not eating those. Those things are practically inedible. The only place you seem is at weddings. I feel like people feel like you're obligated to serve them at a wedding, but like, nobody fucking eats them. Why waste them? money. I don't get it. Anyways.

Oh, that's right. It's Lordeodianre. Duke Torbeck. You've a last name, D'Obeck? You know, I never even called to ask. It's just Torquick. They abolished all last names in the year

2040-45. 2040-40- I forgot about that. It's very on brand for favorably. It's Duke Torbeck, just Tollbeck. It's, you know, a goblin. I forgot of me. How's that?

And it's Prince Frosty, Marvelous He, you know, something. And then whatever this guy is, Harold Grico. My name is, uh, hmm. Are you doing a bit?

Or should I count his name? You know my name? No, no, no. No, no. He's a peasant jester and Harold's and all around worst friend. G, R-I-C-O-Z. Grigo.

Oh, Grico! Mesa's made for us. No, no, no, that doesn't sound wrong. I feel like that's not... That's not a very gobliny name. Is that one called it? I can hear it. I can hear it.

I feel like it's much more statistically likely for me to be named Globo. There are a lot more globos. I've never heard of the name, Grico. That sounds stupid. It's like Carl. It's everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that I won an electron.

chef once. What? I did not know that, no. I'm the current title holder of Electrum Chef. Pretty impressive, don't you think? Do you think that you could cook better than Carl, my current chef? Oh, I could absolutely dumps to Carl. By the time I'm done with him, then you probably

should execute it. My soggy court. We may have found ourselves some entertainment for the day. See, most of my, most of the court has been quite bored. There's a, we were hoping for a battle to the death, but no one's done anything. Ooh, that's a good reason to kill Carl. Well, we could just, I mean, I get here, you could just fight Carl.

No one has done, he begins to turn and just stare at you, Gideon, looking at your rippling muscles. Give him a dancing punch. Do flash dance. And then when you punch down, you'll just... We're really getting a bucket up there. Okay. I don't know. He's starting the lawnmower now. Kind of a reverse lawnmower thing.

Oh, full limonade. That makes sense. You guys are eating pods. Have you been forced to live in pods yet? Wait, pods? What? What? Oh, yeah, at a certain point, we all get forced into horrible pods, which is extra terrible for Torbeck because I'm like nine feet tall.

What are you talking about? Then there's bugs? For every meal, it's not much different than the garbage that Torbeck normally eats. At least all the plump leeches filled with the blood of mysterious swamp amenities. Unclear. I'm not eating there a bug. I don't remember that happening at all. This at least narrows down the timeline a little.

Gideon, I think it's just you and me now. Torbeck is speaking of things that don't make any sense. So they make perfect sense to you. And everyone else is speaking in some sort of fronking language that I, uh... You were the only person that understands what Torbeck's saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, but I understand what he's saying doesn't make sense, right? No, it makes perfect sense to you.

Oh. Oh. Because what he's saying doesn't make any sense, it makes perfect sense to you. I just thought that I could understand the literal words. No. Oh, okay. That's not how I'm interpreting it. That's fine.

It's my table now there. Yes, it's your picture. Oh! I'm just picturing poor Carl begging for death after we're getting bastard by Kramming. Oh, your highness, I'm not really sure why we're here.

I mean, but I guess we're going to have a nice, like, cooking contests to death. That sounds pretty nice. But Gideon here, our pal is dancing, and, you know, it looks like your Jess is dancing. I think they would make nice friends. They should probably dance together. What do you think?

My jester does not dance He tells jokes Oh, let's hear a joke He's tired today I am retired Didn't think of them out I am lethurt I am let tired

No No this is quite fortuitous But the soggy court has been very bored lately Isn't that right ladies and gents They all clap And they look tired

They're fanning themselves in the heat We have Someone A treacherous traitor of the soggy court Who has found themselves Locked in In jail

Yes You good sir You okay What? You too? All of you. The only person to make sense here is Torbeck. I feel very afraid and alone right now.

Torbeck has seen this before. It's some sort of astralcy madness. Astralcy madness, you say. Yes. Astrosy madness. Is that why there's chunks of my life entirely missing? Perhaps I was. born in one of such pods.

Am I really goblin? What does it mean to be goblin? As I was saying, just listen, get closer. Listen. Hey, you, listen. Frost, get closer, listen to him. What?

Listen to him. Stop yelling at me. I don't understand what you're saying. He will look at you and he will start to speak in Bullywock. Oh. Which is the language that you don't understand. That's true. So you'll be able to understand it perfectly.

Great. And he will repeat everything that he said. Oh, you want me to get closer. Why didn't you say so in the first place? Everyone's just talking about this. Maybe you can speak Bullywug. I don't need you to get closer. Get away from me.

Oh, my apologies. I'm the king. Just stand there. I'll translate. I didn't realize that you only spoke Bullywag as every time you were speaking, you were speaking in comments strange. It's probably why we have to be in ponds

because of the Astral Sea Madness. That is something that the king will have to worry about later. Torbeck, is there some mega corp that has the slogan, more goblin than goblin in your timeline? Several! Oh! I believe it's called Gorbonnet. Oh!

Oh no, I'm a Replagob. What the fuck is going on? Grico knows about the replicas. You know what the fuck they're talking about? Oh, no. Oh, sorry, do you know what the heck? Is Nick Fine? I mean, I don't really understand,

sort of your level of tolerance with this sort of thing. You are in the presence of royalty. I mean, we're all kind of royalty, right? Basically, practically, like I said. I mean, Master Chef is almost beyond royalty in a way. Did you all drink the flaminade? I drink a little bit. I'll have some, you'll drink my.

I'm skeptical that this has caused the madness. They passed out. Oh, wait, no, is this farming a name? Oh, we supposed to eat bugs? Yeah, you're good. It's not red dardog. Oh. Thank you.

Oh, extra crickets. Mine came with a straw for some reason. You have been slowly sipping on this wall of this madness has ensued, and you slowly begin to come to as you realize that whatever is in this has some sort of curse. securing effect and you feel the madness slip away. You no longer feel the need to interpretive dance, though it was kind of nice. I like it. I like it. Well, he was giving me. Later, come on.

Well, keep it together. Man. I mean, okay. But regardless of all of that, the king continues, not realizing that you're under any effect whatsoever and just assuming this is your state of being, continues to explain things. And then, explaining them in Bullywug for frosts, for frosts sake. Oh, I speak Bullywug. I don't understand it, really. I can't want to speak it, but... I did not ask.

Oh, I'm just trying to, you know, show off a little bit. Isn't that kind of impressive? I'm not Bullywug, but I can understand it? No, a lot of Bullywugs in my day. Yes, and which Bullywugs have you known? Do you know anyone here at the Soggy Court? Court! Oh, no.

Does anyone here? recognize any of these fellows that have found their way to our gazebo? No, I mean, I know Francois, and I know Pierre, and I know, I mean, I know plenty from back home, but none from Faye Wilde.

No, no, no, no. I mean, we're here. Back home. Back home in Ogway. Has anyone here heard of a place called Ogway? Ooh. Door backcats.

Oh, yeah, me too. Oh, yeah, I mean, me too. Does any member of the soggy court have heard? Oh, Cremant, you have a flaw. Doesn't that make you a member? Oh, yeah. Take a look. Raise your hand.

And where, per chance, did you find that brooch? I was giving it, because I'm... He was bequeathed. Don't say, that that's gross. They did, like, a whole background check. They did a little, you know, urine test and all that. It's all good. Then...

What's the one of the three rules? I just want to make sure I can fuck this up. Do you have it? The rule of hospitality. I before E, except after C. Oh, I don't have. So hospitality, ownership, and reciprocity. I was given it by a great archfate.

She sort of, you know, grandfathered me in. Who? You ever heard of? She was very mysterious. She refused to give her name despite our, you know. It's a bill. No. the rule of the land.

You ever heard of her? That's who gave it to me. Those brooches were created after Zabella found herself locked in stasis. You know what, Clemy's just trying to impress you. It was... It was an archfay. It was an Osprey.

The Archfay's name was Archie F A Nikki really wants to laugh Okay The kingdom That's the guy

I'm sorry Yeah No, that Zabella's truly put asleep Have you seen her? I know what I'm told And you believe that? I don't believe anything here

Especially you Well the good news he doesn't believe Zabillna is asleep. I'm not sure what's happened to Zabillner entirely, but I do know that her presence cannot be felt in this realm any longer, and that others rule this land. Others who have bequeathed those broaches down to us, the rulers of the soggy court,

and that what you are telling me is an untruth, sir. So, I would suggest, and you see as he shifts, that he moves the book and it, his hands. And along the spine, you can see in a silver-gilded writing, Bavlornah's Big Book of Bad Blood. And he quickly, he sees your eyes, notice it for a second, he quickly moves it around behind him with the intent of hiding the book from view. As he looks out at all of you and says, I would suggest before you find yourselves in shackles that you start telling me the truth.

A coup is a foot and I will not lose my kingdom any time soon. Well, if I may suggest, would you kindly start believing everything I say? All right. We're going to kill this fucking guy about three minutes.

22? Yeah, that best. But he doesn't know that a cast. Unless he's super wise or something. Why would I choose to believe everything you say? Didn't we prove it? I mean, we're royalty. I'm a master chef.

Cremie, crummy. I feel like we have to level with the king. We have to level with the king. I'll feel like we wanted to protect your safety and your station, and we didn't want to draw attention, but here, Torbeck, would you lean down a little bit? Oh, sure. Do you know what this is?

Do you know, do you recognize this? Do you know we are here looking for the, the, the, the, the, uncouth, coup members on you know who, on the behalf of you know who? We are here for your protection. What are you saying? Oh, Brick, I was saying that Torbeck allegedly killed the guy. What? No, the, all the canistist. Oh, oops.

Doorbeck. Well, it was a legend, man. It was a legend. You begin to hear the members of the soggy court start to whisper among them. Did you say he killed someone? No, no, he didn't hear anybody. They're criminals.

And then you hear another person say, oh, this is grand. They were looking for someone for Morgan to have to fight the death. One, Torbay thought that was the signal. No, that wasn't the signal. No, it was the opposite of the signal. We don't have a signal.

Allegiant. They never proved in the court. Not in Goblin court. I never prove anything, Gobble, Yeah, no, we have a very unique system. We go down to the mall and settle our shoes there. Do you know what WitchLight is? Your slimyness.

Everyone knows what WitchLight is. Have you ever seen this much Witchlod in your life? I have no reason to believe that is WitchLight. I mean, it acts like WitchLight. It looks like WitchLight. What do you think? It smells like Witchelight. Let's just say that to have that much witch light, it's got to be from some place pretty powerful.

And I'm just saying that's who sent us. I am the king of the soggy court. I don't care who sent you if you cannot give me a name. How did you procure one of our soggy court brooches? Who gave it to you? Stop lying. to the king. And you can see at this point,

he's starting to get upset. Do I remember if he said a name to pretend to Bias or a name that he would trust? I would say it was just, you know, less than a day ago and he told you tell the king that I sent you. Do you get crime, that you helped out at the balloon factory.

Oh. Yeah. It was literally like 30 minutes ago. Otherwise I would have been like it because we helped him out of the balloon factory. Oh no, I thought, well, he's, how do you feel a balloon factory? about Bago.

Bongo, I mean Bungo. I mean Bungo. What is this gibberish that you're speaking about? Oh, just the game from back home. I'm just trying to make pleasant conversation. Anyway, the old Duke G-Ride. It is in this moment that one of the guards appears to slip on the dais and he,

on the steps down from the dais, he falls forward and slams into you. They're loud clattering as the armor that's on him clanks against itself and against you. His spear goes tumbling down the rest of the steps and sticks down into the mug, or the mud. The king, the king looks, just not disgruntled, but confused. What are you doing? Get back in your space.

Oh, wow. But you feel, you feel, you feel something put into your hand. As the, as the guard, as the guard writes himself and, apologies, king, apologies. Algae, I slipped. My apologies. Apologies. He just got a little dirt on my eye.

He pulls his spear out of the muck and he steps back into formation. I'll help you back up on the dais. No, no, that's fine. That is fine. On the dais on the dais. Let me brush y'all. I'm just cleaning your shoulders. I'll just step in between the eyesight of the king.

I'll put my handkerchief and like kind of put the nude in the handkerchief and read it real quick. Well Anyway, I'm just trying to make pleasant conversation The real story This is all just Brank bro We knew that your joke Jester was tired

Yeah, he was tired of mute you With our antics Like me not knowing what everyone was saying And especially the alleged murder Yeah, yeah We heard that your jester just had a headache And wasn't feeling in the mood today I sent you.

You know old Duke Ikron down at the balloon joint? Of course I know Duke Ikrind. He's been toiling away trying to put out the fires that the rebel scum set as they left the soggy court. Well, the good news is we took care of it. We put the fire out. He's getting some rest and he's going to get right back to making those balloons. Procure the brooch for me.

The fiss would burn the ground. Do you want this one? Do you have another? Pass it through. This was given to us by Duke Dick Rind. Duke Dikrind himself. You can see it. He inspects it.

Yes, this is clearly Duke Ecrine's brooch. Torbeck's hearing something damn right. He looks skeptically at all of you. I would like you to roll a persuasion check at disadvantage over how much you've lied to him. But can I roll the D100? No, just Crummy, because Crummy is the one being crummy. Oh, good old Dick Grond.

Dick Grond. Duke, Dick, Grown. I'm going to twist this. I'm going to twist this. Yes. I'm going to twist this. Do it. What an unfortunate name.

You can dread me, but I roll the natural 20. I'm not going to dread you. So, let's go! 28, I think. I would like you to succeed. 28. I don't know if. blind him is how you achieved that.

But I want you to succeed. Um, so 22. All right, that worked out really well because he had a 20. Oh, wow. So he got very high on his, on his insight. I'm glad I twisted it. It's the truth. Yeah.

We got that from Duke Richard Grind. We could still... Marcus, do you believe these gentlemen, have some more flaminade. Oh, no, my, bud. There's a flamen. Oh, I drink that, too. We will drink the bugs.

Yes, you'll have to share your recipe with us at some point. I mean, there's no reason why we can't have a cook off to the death still. I'm aware. I'm aware I'm the king. I do as I please. I'll make a pretty mean mushroom keys.

But I'm not allowing you in the palace if you're traitor, if you're treacherous. I don't know. I mean, we're... Are you loyal to the king? Absolutely. Why else would we put their fire? Then swear it. Swear your fidelity to the soggy court and gain names.

Ooh. Can I ask a clarifying question? Is this more like us? Scouts honor kind of swear, one of those Eldridge Feedpack kind of swears. Do you believe yourselves to be loyal to kingle up the 19th? Well, Torvick already has a name, but he's not married to it. If you are truly loyal to the king and wish to be members, true, honest members of the Soggy Court, then bend the knee.

You know what? We are loyal to the king from a certain point of view. And then I kneel. He, the quick boing, his legs shoot out from under his rotund body.

And they dangle over the edge of the throne. It's very clearly too tall for him. As he hops off, you can hear the wetness of his froggy feet slap against the marble floor of the gazebo. As he slowly makes his way down. Look at your face, Derek, I don't like. Sorry, I'm imagining what you're about to do to Grico, and I'm not horrified. At his side, you see that he has a sheathed, a rapier. He pulls it from its sheath.

And he looks down towards you, Grico, and he says, do you swear to, do you swear your fealty to the soggy court? And to me, King, Gallup the 19th. I do, from a certain point of you. And he roll a, I'm going to do a sleight of hand to see if you could say that under your breath enough that he doesn't work. I'm not sad to the point of view. He was such an asshole. He slips on the other.

Oh. Oh. I don't have my character to see that. I forgot that we played the D. Oh. That's a good point. Let me pull it up. I think it's like an, I think it's an 18.

I want to say it's an 18. He does not seem to hear as you mumble under your breath. He takes his rapier and he places it from one shoulder to the next. Rise! Ogleth Pondflower Knight, Knight of the Soggy Court. Is Pondflower not all one word? No, pawnflower and then night. Oh.

So your first name is now Ogleth. Pondflower. Okay. Nite. Oglath? It's A-U-G-L-U-T-H, Oglith. Oglith. Torback was like 90% sure that Gricka was gonna have to

I kiss the king's feet. This is much easier. That's why I was making McGrath. I immediately go kneeled down extravrica and say, oh yeah, Torbeck's in. Do you swear your field here to the soggy court? And I, King Gallup the night. Yeah, Torbeck's done way worse tough. And he quickly knights you, arrives.

Ribble. Night of the Pickled Fly. Wait, can you say that again? Ribble. Night of the Pickled Fly. Are you sure Torback can't be Torbank anymore? Okay. I could try to, as they're doing this,

if I could try to make eye contact with the guy that gave me the secret note, just to get a sense of like, if he's like, he don't want to do it. You can, he is behind you. and also essentially all of them, if the king were here on his throne, he's up on the dais,

Samadaius, Amadeus. Thanks, Mike. And then there are a few steps that go down to where you are standing. All along those steps and up around the king are nobles in Rococo Garb, lazing about enjoying the entertainment that this is. And the knights are encircled around behind him,

down the steps, and around behind you. And all of them are at attention, but none of them are pointing their weapons at you. He is on your side halfway up the stairs towards the king's throne. And so from that vantage point, I'd say you could easily make eye contact with him. See, I'll sort of back out while all this is happening,

and I'll like turn my head back to him, and I'll just be like, hmm? I'm going to see if he tries to understand what you're saying. He looks towards you, and he glances from side to side, quickly, quickly looks around to see if anyone's watching,

and he winks. Like a mm-hmm. You hear from the night behind you, is there a problem? No, no, I'm fine. Do you have an itch? Nope, I'm just, you know, sometimes I just like to stretch a little bit.

You know, just my eyebrows. You have a stretchy eyebrows? like you just averages I guess I don't I don't know oh you know what maybe I should paint those up oh put on some eyebrows you put them on a little too high and a little too art so you constantly look surprised how I look great man you were right this really is kind of not it's like if you're at a kabuki theater And with that, the king looks between the rest of you to see if anyone else plans to step forward and declare their fealty to the king. I am sure Ogliffe.

Hello for doing this. Pondflower. Not. Actually, you know what? Roll an D8 for me, and maybe I'll give you different names. Me? Yeah. Are you happy with Oglet and Ribble?

Six. Rimmel's kind of detached now. Ribble never thought that he'd miss Torbeck, but Ribble kind of sounds like dribble. Honestly, it kind of fits Ripple's personality. After all, Torbeck is Ribble for your pleasure. As the Kings begins to move away from you, Grico, he turns his head and looks down at you.

No, this won't do. You don't look like an ugly pondflower night. No. You look much more like a splop. How rebels much have you with a rebel now? You are now Splop, Green Baron. Oh, a Baron. Oh, Splop.

A green baron. That's actually what my high school bullies used to call on me. So I will answer to that quite automatically. And talk to my therapist about this on Friday. The equivalent of Friday. What was my title, your kingliness? The Green Baron. Oh, I'm a green baron.

I make very good pizza made of processed sludge. And find the green baron. Hey, Splot, where's my homeowner? Oh, right away, Chadlin. Couple pieces, no. The Glorville packed you for lunch. I'll have stepped forward. I will be happy to swear failty, as my friends have and will do.

Neil. Oh, I've been pronouncing that and wronged a whole to me. Neil. Do you swear field here to the soggy court and I, King Cullup the 19th? Certainly. From a certain point of view. Good.

I brought there. You know. A richly probably twisted. Oh, the king was a good friend. Oh, we'll be 100 this time. That'll probably be clear it. Nope. All right.

Best I can do is a 12 on that one. Well, he did a 5. He does not seem to hear you. He is, he is, you see that he's moving a little more casually now. He seems to be less. stiff and rigid, as now the third member of this group is swearing fealty to him. It is almost as if waves of relief are coming over him as he slowly places his rapier from one shoulder to the next. Can you roll a D5? Because you have one now.

Yeah, isn't that wild? I got a one. You look more like an ogleth. Rise, ogleth, pondflower night. Ogleth. Man, I can't believe for his name. On flower, isn't that a comic? What a stupid name.

I don't like I've seen that comic. Oh, do you think it's a stupid name? Oh, yeah. Just to be an honest, your king is. Now that we're bros. Are you happy with your title? No, he hates it, I can tell. We're best mates.

Well, go ahead and roll a D4 and see if you get you like the next one. Oh, I already wrote it down. A three, perhaps. How does Grumble? Count of Bog Bottom, Sam. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're definitely a bog bottom, Frosty.

How old that? Cool. I feel it right in my grumple. You're going to rise. Grumple. Count of Bobbom. I got out of get that one. What was you to grumple of

Count of bog bottom? With the fur. Grumple, count of bod bottom. Oh man. Count? Yes. Oh, I'm count grumple. Count.

Oh, that's way cooler, Thursday. I called me the cow. Because I really love to do. You look towards the two of you. Are you loyal to the crowd? Man, last time you made me swear something, I got three wives and a husband. That's fine.

I'm feeling like, you know, they keep trying to slip something in. Just, you know, cross your fingers or something behind your back. Oh, God, fine. I kneel next to the count of bog. for a chance that I've seen it. Do you swear your fieldie to the soggy court? And I can gullop the night teeth. Yeah.

Pretty good. He seems to feel emboldened by the fact that this is four out of five now. And he has a bit of a swagger to a step that he didn't have originally. And he quickly knights you. And can you roll a D4 for me, please? Four. Arise. Mundle mud, Earl of Swampunk.

Yeah, okay. You read such a cool name. You are Mundle mud. Earl of Swampunk. Ripple is really making out on this deal. Everything's coming up Ripple. Oh, that's right. Splop's got it.

You're a knight of the Pickle's why? Yeah. That's correct. Earl of what? What was you? Earl of Swamp gunk. Swamp gunk. Swamp gunk.

Ah. Mm-hmm. That's going to be Gideon. Welcome to the club, Mundle Mudd. Yeah. Happy to be here. Only one remains. I swear, your majesty,

that I won't never betray you as long as I live. And I'll kneel. looks at Grickle kind of confused. Oh yeah, me too, me too. He, unlike the others, he places his hand down on your shoulder and he gives it a squeeze. You do not have any idea. How relieving is to hear that.

I know you'd say that. To a new friendship between the new members of the soggy court and their king. He smiles, a big smile that reaches his eyes, the fear that had been taking. holding of him, now nearly completely vanquished, he takes out his rapier and he begins to knight you. You swear fealty to the soggy court and I gullup the night teeth.

I never say no to that. Oh, crummy. It's very nice. Torbeck's brow frouples even more. I would like hold back laughter. He smiles down at you and I need you to roll a D6. While you're rolling, I have a meta question. Five.

Frost, do you actually put your fingers to your head? So you don't have to move or do anything. This is just for RP. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. In my mind, like, I'll even sometimes flavor things with color, but in Derek Scionics, as we sometimes talk about, like, it just happened. You don't have to even make a movement.

Right. Got it. Thank you. Sorry, continue. He won't like auglet even. Arise, Bluff. croaking sage. Bloths.

The other choice was Baltis Moss Crown Knight. What else you got? Ogleth Pondflower Knight. They're all kind of badass. I don't know, I think Ogleth sounds kind of regal, fellas. I'm gonna take Ogleth. I've already written Ogleth Pondflower twice and Frosted out. Another man's trash is one gate is treasured.

Frosty, all right? Oh, sorry, what was your name again? Oh, it's a grumple. A grumpel. a round of bog bottom. And you immediately feel a movement at your feet as something presses into your ankle crummy. You look down and you see a baby alligator.

He is wearing a cute little knight's outfit and he has a bow tie around his neck. As he looks up at you with his tiny little baby eyes, he nuzzles his, his little alligator nose into your ankle, recognizing alligator to alligator. Oh, look at this. Oh, sogy cold, look, snoodles found a friend.

And you notice that all of a sudden, the king's demeanor has completely changed. What had been a very suspicious and cantankerous old frog is now a jubilous, smiling, Bullywag that seems so happy to have you here. Oh, I really do hope that we're going to go ahead. Would you do the cooking content? Would you really do that?

I mean, yeah, I'll compete again. Oh, that would be amazing. Yes, Carl. I were not really going to kill him. I had to say that to be threatening. I don't know if I told him. Oh, can it be five V-five? Can we like be his soce chefs?

Yeah, I don't need that much spotlight. Oh, you mean the soup chefs? What? Sooks. Now it's south chefs. Is it really? Yes. Oh, I've been saying it wrong all this time.

This is amazing. I've been living under this cloud of food. fear and terror for so long. But look at how strong he is. Oh, Mundle-Mud, you're just rippling muscles. Oh, nobody's ever going to kill a king with Mundle-Mud around.

With the five of you on my saw. Oh, you need to make a dish. I've been king for two days and I haven't slept a wink. This is amazing. I'm so sorry. Oh, I agree to you, but welcome to my kingdom. We should go to the palace.

Oh, if we go to the palace, or we could dress you up. That would be really good. weird. I don't mean in like a sexual way. Oh, well, that would have been the weird one. Yeah. No, I mean if you're going to perform in like a cooking competition, you

should look like chefs. Well, I have a chef's hat, but I guess they need yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, if we're going to make a dish. Oh, this is great. Oh, will it be a grand prize for the one who impresses you the most with their dish? Philip, pull up some chairs. Let's let's, um, bring some more food.

snacks? Oh, yes. Oh, they all bug relieving? No, we have some checks mix. Oh. Oh, what is that? Oh, they're these really nice cheddar crackers that are shaped like check marks and they're all mixed together with other things.

Isn't that shit always like 90% pretzels? Well, the last stuff with bugs, man. What's wrong with 90% prancel? What the hell's the matter with you? I better hope it's 90% pretzels. Jeez. It's great. You lost the damn sense.

I'd even ask a question like that. He liked the flymate. I've told you a million times, I like pretzels, but if I want a mix or something, I don't want 90% of my food. Yeah, okay, I get it's crazy. Like, it's not a mix. If it's 90%, it's like we're in a swamp, man. And I get that, you know, like, pretzels have like air and haremely, like it fills it out. It's the filler.

They're trying to save money. I hate it. We're going on a crazy adventure. We need the carbohydris, man. All right, I eat the fucking pretzels. Thank God. You better eat the fucking pretzs. Better eat the pretzels, all right?

Wasting away. You're skin and bones. I didn't want to say anything, but... It's at this point that Philip pulls up five chairs, and he places them really closely to the throne, and you watch as King Gullop, the 19th, climbs back onto the throne that's just a little bit too high for him,

and he sinks down into it. Philip helps him put on a bib, and he gets one of his TV trays and rolls it around in the front of the throne, and a plate of like snacks and things. He looks incredibly happy. Can he have one of those kid cuisines with the penguin on the side?

No, it's, what is it called, Hungry Man? The potatoes would be hot for a while. Bring your king a hungry man. No, it's Hungry Man, ooh, woo. Bring me my lovely man, woo. And make, give me the dinosaur chicken nuggets one. You know that's my first. favorite. Oh, with the brownie. I love the brownie.

Ah, TV dinner and a fresh copy of Bully Jugs. It's like the old days, lads. Oh, you've read Bully Jugs. You'll have to talk later. Yes, yes. Oh, take a seat, take a seat. Unfortunately, I have read the most recent issue. What brings you, what brings you to the Socky Court? Well, you know, we would just sort of enjoy the scenery, you know. And how do you find it? You like it? How is my rule? I've only been king for a short while, two days.

Yeah, I mean. But I made a lot of changes. It's very nice to be in downfall. Doesn't feel like two days, man. It feels like at least three. You really got this figured out. Yeah, yeah. He reaches out and he grabs your hand.

That means a lot to me. Oh, man. I look from his hand to his copy of Bully Jones. You don't see a copy of Bully Jones. Oh, I thought he's reading Bully Junk. He has the book that he had been hiding behind himself, the one that says Bavlornos big book of bad deeds, bad blood. And you look at it quickly,

I have to see that there's very clearly no magazine stuck inside of it. So whatever that image had been, it must have been a different day. You still know that he read it, though. You still know that he read it and that it was on this throne. Which is covered in algae. And he did turn on beneath deck on the Bravo chain.

Good job. That's the shovel whiff. Ripple has it on good authority that that show is entertaining. Yeah. Cornu, Clemente. Oh, that's worked up, man. He's worked up.

His whole mixed thing, no good up star. You're a little cano-poncarose, you know. The whole pencil things has got to all that. It is around this time that Philip, accompanied by a few, you other of the kitchen makes your way over to you. Each of them carrying an individual. It's kind of like going to the movies as a kid

where they bring you the box. It's got like the small drink and the side of popcorn and the little bit of candy. They bring you your own little mini version of the Hungwee Man, Ooooooo. Oh.

Malt balls. They're actually moss balls. Watch it down with some fly maids. This one's with pulp. Oh. Mm. Wingy. Pick a wing out of the teeth.

You feel the new. Oh. Jesus. So you will meet any interesting decrees, my king? Well, not as of yet. Immediately upon becoming king, there has been, I believe, that one of my former knights has gone rogue and plans to...

That's unheard of in downfall. Can't imagine. He looks down at the little plush bed next to his throne where Snoodle is curled up, snoring softly. I can't imagine leaving Snoodle an orphan. He's a cute little guy. Did you name him, Snoodle? I did, yes.

I found him at the edges of the swamp. Before I was king. he had someone had set out a hunting trap I'm imagining it's one of those awful rabbits over at a Oh they're all dead Oh thank God something killed

I feel horrible as it sure That was the murder we were talking about No we don't know It hasn't been proven We don't know No no no Death is not something we should rejoice in

I'm sure they had their Good quality but Snoodle had gotten caught in a trap and his leg was broken If you look you can see his scar And you can see on his back left leg There is a scar that's been mended over

He couldn't walk And it was clear that there had been a struggle I imagine they had to take in the mother And Snoodle was left to die I couldn't leave him there all on his own So I put him in my pack and I've fed him by hand for the first few nights until he had his strength back. And he's been with me ever since, my little companion.

And he reaches down the best he can, but he can't reach it. His arms are too short. So you see to the side of him, he's got a long stick with a little frog claw on the end of it, and he uses it to scratch noodles back. That's very sweet. Now that you are king, you could perhaps have a pool made for him. All the water was a lot. What a lovely idea.

own snoodle pool. Yes. Hmm. I do like that. I'm trying not to do anything too selfish in the beginning with the Soggy Court. Actually, we are going to have a glorious evening tonight of Revelry, Soggy Court. To the palace with you all. Prepare yourselves for a night of enjoyment. And you see all of the people that are milling around the gazebo begin to start to stand.

Oh, did you hear that, Lila? And they begin to write themselves and open their parasols as they create a line formation and head off towards the distance where you can actually see a large, partially sunken palace. And they all begin to make their way there to ready themselves for the Knights' revelry. Well, I'd be fascinated. We can speak in private now. You never know even amongst friends who has negative intentions. Now is a great time to talk.

There's much to be done as a king. There's so much governance and policy. Laws to be passed and re-examined. And then, of course, there's bureaucracy. The importance of which is understated by many. I hate you, Frosty. Do you have a job? You're my best friend, but I hate you.

Do you have a job? Uh, not currently, unless you consider a count. Accountant. You can be the accountant to the king. Well, I'm already count, so accountant of Bogbottom scenes. Oh, perhaps Master of Coin. Oh, I like that. Oh, Master of Coin.

Yes. I will have to, you and I will have to have a talk. I have plans, grand plans for this place. I want to make the Sochi Quarterplace. The Soggy caught a place of joy. Yeah, we also had a friend named Twig, but she just took the last bus out of town for a little bit. I'm sorry?

We had a friend. We had a friend. I was just saying if anyone shows up later, she's with us. If she's a restroom hat, she's got big old specaticals. Where else she looks like? She's like right there.

She's not. She's not? Oh. No. So if someone, if she does show up, to look around, you would easily be able to see that she is sitting next to Clapper Claw on the bridge. They seem to be having a lively conversation, and she's showing Clapper claw the inside of her acorn back.

Oh, she's got a backpack that looks like an acorn that looks like a house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if she shows up or our friend Clapper Claw, who is a little scarecrow of crab claws and a gourd for her head, they are with us. And they are not to be harmed or molested. Yes. Duly noted. Thank you. And if you think she allegedly killed somebody,

you should see, you know, what she can allegedly do. Pretty impressive. The people you're talking about currently. Never mind. So anyway, what do you mean by, you know, speaking privately? I'm curious to see what you might want to talk about. Really anything you want to talk about,

but I can't begin to tell you how how relaxing it is to finally be able to feel like I can be myself. You see, the soggy court is one of death and terror. The monarchy does not last long for once one arises, there are many in the ranks that

will pretend to be your friend and stab you in the back at a moment's chance. I was going to ask, how did you ascend to the king of its men seat? My brother, Crocus Aurelius. Yes. was a wicked, wicked bullywark.

And his best friend, the former king, they were out on a stroll around the lake when Aurelius held him under, drowning him. Sadly, poor Aurelius, something within the water took its revenge. It bit him. We're not quite sure what it was. This entire hand ballooned to strange proportions.

and within a night he had succumbed to his allergies. Dead. Well, something like this had never happened in the soggy court before. The next king is always the one that had killed the king prior. So what do we do? They decided

next in line would be his closest king, and that was me. Oh, I know. So you actually his older brother. Didn't stab the back in order to become king. No, not at all. I had always wanted to be a horticulturalist. No.

A what? A horticulturalist. Oh, a horticulturalist. You kind of worded on that the poisonous monster of that lake is the rightful king of the soggy court? Well, it's possible. If that thing, which we don't know what it is, but if it were to make its way out here and let me know it, I would give it. I don't want to die, it's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know how to be king, and I know that there are tons of people with her eyes on especially Bavona.

May I confide in you? Of course. Something I have told you no one. Oh, you can tell us anything. We're the most trustworthy people you've ever met. He reaches behind his back and he pulls out this gigantic book. This is Bavlona's book. It's where she writes all of her grudges.

I had it stolen. For I feared that she did not like me much. And that I would find my name written in this book. To my surprise, I don't think she has any clue who I am, at least not yet. So I'm not in there. But I now have the problem of having her book and her eventually finding out is gone. And I don't think I'll live through her finding out that I'm the one that has it. Now, you see, there is, over on the further docks, a strange storm cloud.

You've seen our balloons, yes, the ones we sew together, the swamp gas balloons. Oh, yes. Well, from one of the other lands, yon, I believe, a strange cloud flew in the day my brother died and has been parked there ever since. A group of darklings. They run a shock called Bobbling Charms. Three of them. One of them I met with when they entered the domain, and... I seem to be very kind, but it was them that I paid to steal this book for me. Would it be too much to ask my newfound friends to return this book to Bobble and Charm and get them to return it to Bavlona so she is none the wiser that I have taken it?

We could do that. Oh, I mean, let me know if this sounds crazy. Oh, yeah, this is going to be a good one. He's a smart. He's very clever. What if he just took care of the whole, you know, Babyloner hag looking over the town thing? A Babylon of it all. Oh.

Yeah. What he said. He, for the first time, since he started to get comfortable, he stiffens. And he looks around, I would be careful what you say. Even when there are no members of the soggy court around. There are minuscule spies everywhere. Well, no, I just, I just mean, you know. know, like take care of it in terms of like, we'll go to her directly and explain the situation

and not mention your name at all and we'll blame it all on those darkling fellas. Oh. Well, from what I know, she's currently tied up an audience with the leader of the Darklings. I'm not sure she's taking visitors, but perchance tomorrow, I could see about getting you an audience with her. Though my fear is the only way to get an audience with her is through the king. And if I give you an audience with Babyloner and you return her book, she's going to wonder where the book come from. How did they get the book?

Why did the king send them up here with the book? Oh, this is a conundrum. Well, I believe Krami, in his great wisdom, was suggesting that we perhaps do a bit of a false flag and frame it on the fairies what came in on the balloon. Perhaps triggering a war between sisters. You know, we have a new friend who tells us a lot about war crimes, and I'm finally catching up to speed.

Who's there? Twig. Oh. She's really good at it. That's true. Looking through this book, I do notice that most of the entries in this Babyloner's big Book of Bad Blood

are entries about her sisters. So I believe that this plan might just work. Oh. I mean, I wasn't being fully serious, but yeah, it sounds really great. Let's do a false flag, for me. But I think that you will not be able

to go to Babyloner as an ally of the king, lest something go awry and it come back on me. Well, I mean, we just came out of the balloon factory where somebody had stolen a bunch of her embers, so she's getting stuff stolen constantly. Maybe we just say we found it there. Maybe that's like, you know, amongst other stolen goods that we had nothing to do with, mind you. Smart thinking. Well, you know.

We can just plant it on them. If you get us that audience, we'll be like, hey, if you search that shop, you'll find it. No, no, no, no. Because then if she takes him, she can't take them alive. because then when she tortures them they will definitely go and they're going to squeal and it's all comes back to the king

we gotta cook we have a time to lose French cars you're talking about like yeah I feel it's escalating very quickly hold on hold on how many are there there are three is anyone going to miss them if they

hate to disappear she said they were nice guys so nobody's going to miss them they were quite nice to me yeah he's the king They offered to help me, and they had a great selection of wares, many that we never see here in hither. I have an idea. Another one.

All right. We still, just for fun of it, we still commit a false flag. And we, however, pin it on the rabbit folk. And say that fucking prick, what's his face, took it. And we killed him. and we brought it back in great failure to. You would have proof that you'd killed Agden Long's scarf. Oh yeah, we have his bloody blue scarf.

It's more purple scarf now, you know, red and blue. He seems really intrigued at this. This sounds like it could work. Oh, really? I'm not sure how happy Bavlona will be to find out that Agden has met his demise. It's nothing like, I mean, the death of a trailer is to be celebrated. But if he did steal from her, then his name was. will go in the book, but you

have killed him, so his name will be scratched out of the book, and you will be rewarded handsomely for your service to her. If you can pull off that ruse, I think that just might work. Oh, Twink has taught me quite well. It was remarkable, Gregel. Oh, guys,

if we're gonna do that, can we, like, practice? Aribble doesn't want to mess this up. Don't worry, Ribble. You are a natural-born killer. Rimmel doesn't think so. It will be, no. Tell back to Aymand-Longskopf, the friggin' prince of mincemeat.

Oh, my goodness. That was good. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Rather than the game of frowns, he was the game of pies. Because it's a game time I don't get it But I like to kill them You put it

Yeah You know what The only thing I don't like about this plane Is I really wanted that lightning balloon Man No We just why we don't kill them

We just say Oh At the very least I would I would suggest If you're Are you going To stay here And downfall forever?

Well probably not No No I mean, we never know. Not for the night, I don't think. Never say never. Oh, we could come back to visit in case you want to, you know,

visit a filthy, dirty swan. We'll certainly be staying tonight. Who will protect me when you're gone? We're all quite tired. Who will protect Snoodle? Well, that's a good point. Our mission is to make sure that you're protected even without us.

Snoodle needs protection. To make sure that that safety net is important. Yes. Yes. It is... Well, I would suggest, if you have plans, that would take you further into the formal realms of delight, that you stop by Bobble and Charm and see what they have to offer.

At least what information they can give you about their dealings with Babylon. Though they were kind to me, there was something about them that was off, suspicious. Though to be fair, until you allowed me to knight you and you became and you swore your fealty to me and now I trust you explicitly and completely in all ways, I was very suspicious of you too But I think that they might have some answers that you seek There is also another Who I am feeling conflicted about

The laws of this land required me to lock her up And schedule her for a duel to the death Morgow, the former Knight of Warts She assisted her dearest companion A friend of a long time and I believe her secret love interest, partner. In his escape... I didn't know.

In his escape from downfall. Yeah. Oh, he had a damn fall. They had somehow gained intel that Bavlona had stolen and trapped a fairy dragon, a knight of the Queen Titania of the summer court. against his will. Something, and I'm not sure what, convinced them to break their oaths to rescue this fellow. And they did, at first, attempt to do this cleanly and without harming anyone else by simply stealing one of the balloons that Morgot worked on. She was one of our top balloon engineers.

Oh. It was my brother's doing that harm befell them. and that she had to sacrifice herself to allow them to escape. And though I know they have Dona Noopsy, I feel a sense of sorrow for them. Do you know why they did it? I don't. But Morgau, if she felt that you were trustworthy,

may tell you, may answer your questions. I'm the king and I am her captor her jailer she's not going to tell me anything and to not prevent an even worse coup than the one that's already in the works

I have to live by certain rules lest I not place another target on my back the soggy court has a want for blood a duel to the death I would ask that on your way to bubble in charm that you would

speak with her and I will give you this and he goes to his lapel and you see that he has an even more elaborate frog charm than the one that was given you. This is clearly the charm of the king. He unpins it from his shirt and he hands it to you.

This will allow you entry to anywhere that you shall choose inside of downfall. You are the many hands of the king now. my loyal and trusted friends the only people in this place that I would trust with my life come a certain point of view and with Snoodle's life

well we gotta protect snoodle in any cause the guards will allow you in to speak with Morgo and should it make sense to do so if there needs to be a duel to the death maybe one of you would volunteer as her challenger. Yes, I think there may be something in that, to find a way to make sure everyone is happy at the end of this.

But keep your heads held high. For now, you walked through downfall as the hands of the king. Oh, man, that's quite a honor. Thank you, your kingliness. Know that those that have my worst interest at heart shall now have yours as well. Take care, my friends, for this path is perilous. And if we need to speak to you again, just in a palace. Oh, I will either be here at the gazebo eating one of my hangary man's.

Ooh. What is this? They bring me the one with the gooey brownie. I love this. He picks up the giant gooey brownie. He starts to eat it. Careful, it's hot. Oh, my God.

Oh, there's quotation marks around the word brownie. His tongue rolls out and his long frog tongue is dangling while it's, ah, ha, ha, eh. This may be an in-appert-ch-tut-a, but, you know, we want to make sure that, you know, you can defend yourself, teacher a frog to catch flowers as it is said but like I feel like we need some real cultural reforms to prevent you from being murdered

in your sleep. But that's what I was hoping that the five of you would stay here always because with the strength that you five clearly possessed no one would dare touch a hair on my head while I was able to make the changes that need to be made in this place.

Though I fear that as long as a certain storm cloud hangs over the land. No real change shall ever take foot. It's my hope, however, that during my life, I hope it shall be long. I can do one thing. Make the people happy. Well, instead of having a hereditary monarchy with so much power that is so, people are so desperate for, have you considered just establishing a constitutional republic where the executive branch has very minimal power and legislation is in the hands of the legislative

branch where the power is so constrained there is nothing to be gained personally? What the hell did he learn words? No. Think about it sometime. I can't believe it. You have been listening, Gregor. Probably all the drugs in the air of the

condoms. Oh, yeah. Maybe it had something to do in the past. But in the meantime, we can talk about our favorite games. What's your favorite color? Mine's purple. We should really be getting to go. We don't really like to commit to favorite comments. It's kind of late.

It's like the equivalent of past 6 p.m. I do hope that you would show up this evening. I promised the soggy court that there would be an event, a gala. And so we do, I promised we would do Electrum Chef. And not I'm the king. I could order you. I won't do. You're all my friends now.

If you want some kind of competition, we could try. So maybe you could stop by and talk to Morgau and maybe perchance purchase some things, gain some intel from bobbling charms, and then loop your way back around to the soggy palace. And once there, we'll get you outfitted in your gear to perform an Electrum chef, and then we'll have some fun in games.

You'll end the night with a lovely bit of theatre. Do you know how slowly... Oh, have you performed in the theatre? You just described four sessions of things. Yeah, we'll do it. Oh, that sounds lovely. And that's before we even get to the shop. We're going to platinum this, bitch.

Look, you can just stop worrying, like you said, we're awfully powerful, and we will stop at nothing to make sure that snoodle stays safe. For now, I have no doubt that that is true. All of my guards have been

vetted to make sure that none of them have any ties to the coup. Oh, what's your vetting process, like? It's long and arduous. It takes about 13 minutes. But they have all gone through, which is rigorous. And every single one of them is completely honorable, trustworthy,

and have no ties to kutal. And they're still in the cup and everything? Wow. Should we have them do that? Oh, yes. It's really important. You broke the feel, man. I don't think they have forensic testing in the fate while. Oh, yeah, I guess that's. What's a carbohydrate?

Oh, that's fair. So, at least while my guards are around, you have nothing to fear. Your king is safe. That's right. We'll talk about establishing a Senate and perhaps a House of Representatives later. You know, we're going to have to cancel that Bunko game in order to do all this. Look. I've never played Bunko, but one of my guards was talking about it once. It seemed like a fun game.

Oh, I have to hit him up. It is fun. He's the one that stumbled into you. I apologize for that, by the way. Oh, could we have protection? Can we bring him along? Or is he too tired or something? Well, he's one of my most loyal guards. I feel like we need protection. from your most law guard, only a guard you can trust. But didn't I just knight you because you're protection enough in and of yourself? Five, where I come from is a very unlucky number. We need a six.

I will consider it, and if he is interested, I like that my guards have agency. Okay. And I'm not going to force him to throw himself into turmoil. To the depths of danger. You can tell him that we'll... If he chooses that he would like to accompany you, I will let him know you have made your way to the jail to speak with Morgon. You have already learned the first step of a good governance. Well done, you, King. This was a test.

And you passed with flying colors. Yes, you have. Give me a little bit of a fly maid. I finished it. Oh. Oh, there's some dregs. Oh, Friends is on. Would you guys want to watch this episode?

This is the one where... And he just... He looks distracted as he's watching the major image. Oh, no, let us... Okay, goodbye. Goodbye, snoodle. You go and actually... We watch...

We watch 22 minutes of friends, and then we live. He doesn't seem to notice as you make your way out, but he is enraptured by the major image that's playing before him as one of... of the frog wizards is keeping the image going and he is enjoying himself while he eats his hungry man, woo. How old were the people and friends supposed to be? How did Ross become a professor at a major museum?

That's impossible at his age. That's what I said last time. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Cremie already said that joke. Oh, no. I think Frost got the Annesia thing. Not constipated.

Please don't record this. Hey guys, this podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of avatress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high season. Shroud over Saltmarsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com

and pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror dome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies, like dice and miniatures and plushies, A tarot deck and more. Torbeck thanks you. You have made your way from the gazebo left the king behind in his state of comfort

for the first time in a few days. He seems to be relaxed, a different king than the man you met when you first stepped into the gazebo. One that has put his full trust in you for better or for worse. As you begin to make your own, way through the rest of downfall. You now hold in your possession a brooch of the king. A brooch that he claims will get you wherever you need to go. It will give you power and

abilities that you would not have had otherwise had you not sworn your failty to the king. It is now, as members of the soggy court yourselves with your new names in tow that you venture out into downfall, different men than the ones that you entered. You are walking along a path. The rocks are settled down into the muck, creating a pathway, stepping stones. As you make your way through low-hanging mangrove trees, night is falling in downfall. The lightning bugs are zipping this way and that, illuminating the path. You notice that the lamp posts that are sunk down into the muck are filled with buzzing lightning bugs that are now awake and just illuminating the area.

Bits of yellows, bits of green. But you begin to notice that there are other bugs in very similar forms of different colors, purples, pinks, blues, reds, oranges, a veritable rainbow of illuminated insects that buzz around you and dance through the forests or dance through the swamps at night. And it is peaceful. The temperature has dropped, the cool breeze kisses your skin. You feel like for a moment you can breathe. You have a mission ahead of you. A few things that the king has asked of you. And though we didn't talk about you procuring it, I'll say you do have Bevlorna's big book of bad blood. Yeah, we agreed to take it. You agreed to take it. And so you do

have that on your persons as you make your way through the swamp. You guys like that trick I did? A whole double negative thing. What? No, please. Please. I'm not for you, good son.

No, I'm not. Rivel was going to bring that up. But Ribble wasn't so sure while Ogleth was talking so weird. And then sloop and grumpel kept saying something along the lines of point of view. You can keep calling me Mr. Cremies. Fine. I mean, I don't even remember my name. Oh, it's Ogleff.

I can't believe you just so willingly, you know, you didn't try any kind of shenanaganery. You just literally pledged fealty. No. I didn't. Yes, you did. You really even say from a certain point. No, he did a very clever thing, Grico. What?

Why don't you explain what I did, Frost? He used to double negative. It's like a super bad thing? No, no, no. It's a, it cancels itself out. If I were to say, for example, I don't want no fly maid. Then I ain't going to bring you no florn maid. This must be a goblin or anything.

Ripple doesn't get it either. Flop doesn't get it either. I don't understand. Let me try it this way. If you ain't going to bring me no fly maid, what if I were to say to you, don't ever not bring me no fly made. I ain't going to bring you no flogmaid.

That's a lot of knocks and domes. That's the super, super times no. Yes, that's what he did. Oh. Wait. No. Super times no. I didn't super time, no.

So he's super never going to betray you? No, but Grico thinks that a triple negative is what a double negative is because of the way Grico talks. If there's an odd number of nose, that means no. If there's an even number of nose, that means yes. You understand? I ain't not going to do it. This reminds me of the time where Uncle Globo said,

All right, Grico. Always remember the two rules. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rots make a left. I'll always that close to meha I would like you all to flip a D2 Oh, good

This is good I'm gonna steal your flipper Oh yeah I got one again Crackin I also got Crackin That's a two Two

I got a one Crackin two Oh you crackin is a one No Crackin's a two No crackin's a two There's literally a one on the other side Oh, I said Crackens. Because it's max.

So wait, so who got twos? So three of you got twos. So Torbeck and Kremie. It's Ribble. And Gideon. Splop got a one. Okay. I'm never going to remember.

And then I'll roll D20. I'll have it written down. Oh, we're all rolling it a two EG20. Ripple got a 16. Splop got a 17. Well, that's a seven for me. Okay, hold on. Let me write them down.

So seven. What did you get, Torbeck? 16. What did you get, Grico? 17. Frost? Five. Master Chef Kremi LeCru got us two.

Okay. Ogliff. Perfect. You may continue your adventures. I feel like we're going down cul-de-sac and finding another cul-de-sac, and then finding another cold-de-sac. But I do think that there are. is a way for us to do one thing and then the next thing and the next thing and eventually

get back to the slanty tower and release that fairy dragon and eventually get back to our larger... The fairy dragon was already released by... We sent a flying pig over the fairy dragon, man. I mean, he's good. Yeah, he's fine. He's not trust that the pig's gonna... He's probably back into the summery court drinking martyrs. Yes, I'd forgotten, yes. Listening to the beach boys. Torback.

Ribble, as this is happening, your nose begins to elongate. As blood begins to fill this new appendage on your face. You all watch as you feel this tingling sensation in your nose, but as you touch and pat it, you're like, oh, no, it's just my normal nose. But the rest of you notice as Torbeck begins to pat down his face, and you all watch as the nose elongates and forms a phallic object as a flapping penis appears where his nose should be. Whoa.

Oh my God. Oh, why? I didn't know what they're saving for it to get out of way that big. Oh my. What's the matter? Thorbeck. It's Ribble. Ribble.

Ripple. Thank you. It's... Oh. I can't look at you right now. It's just... Oh. It's so much.

Why? You tuck that into your shirt? It's a means. Excuse me. Like a ducker, she's character. You, ugh. And a rebel throw that over your shoulders.

Rebel is even more confused than the no, no, no conversation. Like a continental soldier, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really funny, that's really funny. I made that joke earlier. I know when it hits different now.

They're saying that you grew an elephant's truck. man out of your face. Do you feel it? Stop flapping around. No, Ripple had an inch, but Ripple can't see anything. Because Gid couldn't feel it. I tested that.

That's never happened to me, man. Well, look, all I'm saying is don't be self-conscious. He stings, he's disgusting. And Kremi, as you're saying this, you feel yourself being pulled deeper inside of you. Almost as if you are entering a dark room. Oh no. And then you see that your body is not under your control.

A new entity has taken hold. A clown. Someone who has never been here before. Rising from the depths of hell. I go to the pizza. Why? Bumbo. Bumbo has entered the chat.

What the hell? Bumbo. No, no, no. But was that the meatballs? What are the... It was the pub, the, the, the, the film allergy. The cell allergy.

Oh yeah. Well, then, it wasn't very clear, but it's... You're fucking happening, man. You're brother... You're looking at Bumbo and you feel immense and love. I just wanted to retire. I was just... And you just killed me.

Oh. What does Bumbo look like? Um... Bumbo is an older clown, and his color scheme is completely black and white. He has one of those little cone hats with like a black sort of fuzzy ball on the end. He has a frill around the collar, and he has very sad clown makeup on with like black painted like tears dripping down. I was gonna say like the dots here and then-

Yeah, exactly right, exactly right. Like you're almost classic, like Pagliacci like the, yeah. I need to kill you, mad. I mean, you had a damn felt allergy. It wasn't even... Wait, did you kill him with Lord Goodberry? And as you're saying this, Grico... You realize that things are not as they seem.

But not for you. You have all the information. You're a spy. You're committed to never revealing your mission. these idiots don't know what lies in their midst I immediately stop what I'm doing I had the 23 grandchildren Damn

I ain't never been said that I killed a clown before man But seeing you here personified on my best friend I mean Oh Something about your monochromatic black of color just sparkles, man. And I just can't believe I took you away from this world. And I just, now I got to think about all the beautiful things you would have brought into it.

Ken! You're going to blow our cover. What? What are you, some sort of fucking rookie? This is your first mission? What the hell are you talking about, man? We came here for a reason. I expect you to follow orders.

What, the king's orders? Yeah. I like this, Bricko. Why? The king's, no, the queen's orders. Who else? Who's the queen? You're being kind of a jerk, man.

Why do you insult the queen? Now we need to go drink some clear liquor and meet some very promiscuous women. Oh, okay. I mean, that sounds a little bit better. The anger on Grico's face is clear. He's frustrated with Gideon. And the vein throbs in his neck. I don't like the way you're talking to me, but I like what you're saying.

Frost. You were convinced that you are a vampire. You aren't. And that vein throbs with healthy goblin blood. Go, go, go, we go. Frosty. Yes. I thought we've been...

How long have we been partners? For a long time. Can you talk some sense into this rookie here? Listen, man, listen, I can't go with you for clear liquors and blues women right now, okay? I'm, I don't know. Something's happening. Then you're not proud to be a spy. What the hell is a matter with you, man?

First of all, yes, I am. Second of all, how do you know? And you need to have a taste for overly expensive cars that might appeal to men in their 20s to 30s. Well, I mean, I like that lightning balloon. Is that? No, you get me off the track. man. I think it's for the sake of a product placement.

I've made a very nice deal with... Do you need something, Agent Frosty? Bluh, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Would you like to laugh? Yeah.

I take out of balloon. This always happens. You have to make a full seal with your love. in order to create suction. No, my doctor says I have the COPD. I don't have the lung strength anymore. Ow, oh, Rimmel stepped on Ripple's nose. Oh, Ribble.

Agent R. Oh, yes. Agent R. You're gonna compromise this whole mission with that thing. Rible, you're gonna step on that here. Let me hold on to that for you for you for you for a moment. He can't keep stepping on this.

It's dangerous. Rimmel is appreciative. It would help me if it was a stretched out. You can use that. But water is stretched out. What? Oh, the balloon. Oh.

As you grab. As he slinks away, I'm gonna pull up my arc arena and I'm gonna set it to a meaty big jazz band and it'll be BOW- Wow! Start all falling through. Okay, I just triggered a very overly long title montage. It'll be it'll be atmospheric and more metaphorical, but we have some time until anyone figures out what we're doing. We need to move along. Mm-hmm. Well, what do you do this day? Bumbo, but what's wrong, man?

You want to talk about it? I'm here for you, all right? You just keep on crying. Why are you looking at the meat like a dad? I'm very confused right now. I mean, he's got a giant penis. I thought it was an elephant drunk at first. It's so big.

I'm coming to realize it's actually just a penis. I wasn't, I think, so in love with you, I'd be very, very uncomfortable by this. But that's, you know, why I'm looking at you like this. Do you want to play some silver nose? What? No, no, we shouldn't be messing around with silver. Why?

You know silver nose, Frosty? No, no, no, no, no, not. You always play peasant number three. Well, we've lost Frosty. I'm going to trigger, I'm going to flip his cue switch. The cyanide capsule in his gamma trigger now. No. I'm trying to be a bat.

hanging upside down from a branch at this point. I'm sorry, Frosty. God saved a queen for Goblin Town, Frosty. For Goblin Town. Soon enough. You can't see me. Soon enough. You can't see me.

I try to really get back to a clown. Frosty, do you taste cyanide at all? Do you taste cyanide? No. Did I put cyanide in that? Or did I fill it with paprika? They look so much the same. Do you taste paprika?

Weirdly, yes. Ah, fuck. Weirdly, yes. That's very strange. Fuck! I'm going to turn into a mist so that you can't kill me. Frost can do that? No, no, Frost can't do that.

No. I'll see this happen before. We've got to take them to the farm. I'm stretching it to the forest. You know, Bumbo, I'm awfully sorry that you accidentally killed. You fell onto our good friend Lord Goodberry. If it would make you feel better, we can help you get your groove back in a cooking competition if you want to cook in the pizza. I could do that?

Yeah, yeah. If you could probably stick alarm for a total adventure. adventure. He's the prize to escape clown hell and regain in my life. Uh, we could talk to the king about that. I mean he hasn't said that he can't do that. I mean we don't know that they're not the prize to be fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we need to get serious about this mission. I have balloon spaghetti for you. Oh man, I'm a treasure. It's a gift forever. I love it. You've been doing it. You've been doing a Yeah, I love it.

Thank you for that. Woo-hoo. Oh, my God. We're going to go out like this fucking... The weasles. Roger Rabbit. I can just see my own... Oh, God.

Oh, God. Just for, like, the first time in a decade, just like a little bit of a smile like kind of just creases on his mouth because he believes getting, it truly does like the bullies spaghetti. Exactly, and I'm the green bearin

so we can open up a pizza. We can compete in deposition oil with the hungry man. We'll have green bearin. Green bearin pizza. What's this? But I can't go out of the pizza. I'm a babe.

Am I ghost? Or my corporeal. No, you're corporeal. You have taken form in this body. You are painted on cremmy. Yeah. Right? You're like a weird hybrid of cremary in what Bumbo was.

And so I'm gonna fly it up. Pass my ghost ham, Gideon, and just be, like, hit. Oh, well, yeah. Oh, I'll take a little squeeze there if you want. Oh, do you like a bad? Yeah, I feel pretty good. It feels pretty good. I may be dead, but I'm also Italian.

If you're offering squeezes, Ribble wouldn't mind if you squeezed it's no. I mean, if you're offering. Oh, my God. Oh, like this. Not so hard. Is that how you want it? You know, you don't want to just like crank it up to a lemon, you know? All right.

Right, here I go! Expect that one. Seeing this, I pull a branch off of a tree, and I just... You got this frost. Just ended. I hope this doesn't awaken something in me. Frossey, think of your honor. Think of your honor, your God, and your queen.

You now look like Pinocchio when he's got like the 12-foot. long, I'm sure, I'm sure. I'm ducking, I'm ducking. I squeeze it to ho! My nose! Ow, my nose! Ow, my nose! Everybody's an idiot.

I'm gonna go pay a visit to my old flame. I've on a slung. Oh, was that the girl that showed up dancing promiscuously in the cut scene that played when you played that day? Yeah, you were paying attention to that? Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, usually people just go to the bathroom.

It's so fucking long. It's okay, we get it. You got the popular modern artist to do this song. No one cares. No one cares. Gosh. I agree, Grigo. And then about the craziest thing is that I'll get to have an affair with her,

and then she'll either die tragically or to disappear in the next adventure. I don't have to think about her, you know. She certainly won't show up. with all of her blood drained. Yeah. That's oddly specific. I mean, you know, after I'm done, I'm done with her.

I'll have a whiskey triple up, hold the rock. I'm realizing this persona as a griggo, I don't understand cocktails, but I'm still trying to. I think Frosci might actually be a vampire. Okay, heavy, roll a D20 for me, please. I would be honored

As long as my nose penis goes I got a two Oh wait, do I need to flip a coin first? I'm gonna pick Okay Oh now you can compare Yeah I love that

The clown session has begun I mean that is like Well done That is what number two is on my list Are you prepared for your clown? You know I was gonna prepare Today and I ran out of time

I could do it It won't be as good as I was hoping. Then I'll give you the other one. You develop a sudden and intense fear of all forms of magic, which you don't believe is real. All right. I also feel like four clowns in one episode is probably too many. Okay.

All right. You all watch as Torbeck's nose begins to shrink, like a slinky and bounds back into his face. face and become Torbeck's normal nose again. Like the plug on a vacuum plant. I was thinking it would be more like Tetsu's arm at the end of the movie. Is there being a tetu? Tetsuo?

Yeah. Also accurate. Or how to measure. So many things are like Torbeck's penis nose. It's unbelievable. Isn't that kind of weird? I'm a spy. I'm a bit, uh, Frost, uh, I mean a, um, a grumble.

You keep mentioning it. I'm a spy. We give it, no spy. Uh, Cremie, can you roll a D20 for me, please? I just say it. Nine. I gotta say, man, it's not a very good spy tactic to walk around announcing loudly that you're a spy. I wanted to roll a spa character and I don't even know who I'm spying for. You keep talking about the queen, and as far as we know, there ain't no queen around here.

The goblin queen? Is there a goblin queen? Yes, of course. Oh, well. I mean, her, you're saying. Does that make you a double agent? Oh, my goodness. Cremie, you begin to feel Bumbo fading away.

And Bumbo can feel it too. No, Bumbo, please. His time on the material plane is fading. And Gideon, as you watch him, staring at him lovingly, you begin to see the monochromatic color begin to shift as he looks transparent for a moment. And you begin to see Kremi's features protruding more and more from his, from Bumbo's clownish form until eventually there's no trace of Bumbo left and staying in front of you. Oh, you sad, beautiful bastard, don't leave.

We've had enough tragedy here. Life is a comedy. Where do that I come from? And what happens? You are Creming again. Can our news twist to rerome on? I'm tired of being a story. I need more prep time to do some James Day. You don't need to roll twist to do that. I'm getting to you. I feel like I just had a good long cry. And you do. Your eyes are swollen. Your nose is stuffy. You feel red in the face. Or is that just because your face is changing? Where there had been an alligator head, there is now the head of a jackass.

And also a donkey. That's funny Why do I have the sudden urge to say he and haul? He hop Oh, great. It's my It's my partner

from the CIA Faye for this mission. Can I have you roll a D20 for you? Yeah, I'll say, oh, leave it to this guy to say we need to commit a false flag, destabilize the local populace and install a ruler that is on our side. Can you believe this guy? Nine.

I'll roll again. 19. Wait, who said that? I said that? No, you said that. Yeah. Classic C.I. Fay. You were convinced that one of the party members is a doppelganger in disguise, and you must determine who they are before they can betray you all.

It's a spy with a mission. I really enjoyed the joke C.I. Fay. I'm impressed with that. Are you? No, yes. Would Frosty be impressed by that? Of course. He enjoys the pun

all the time. I'm doing this the whole time. Have you a lovely story. Gideon. Can you roll a D-24? Why suddenly everyone talking like Torbeck talks? Like how you're like, you know,

you're not just speaking. What's that supposed to mean? Well, you always just say your name, man. And like he's saying Frosty, but that's just who he is, you know? And he's like, what Frosty think this way? I don't know. It just seems kind of weird.

16. That's what someone who wants to seem like Gideon would say. I do want to seem like Gideon, man. I'm pretty awesome. Ah, I think you protest too much. I don't protest anything. Gideon, you're looking at this situation and you realize why this is happening.

You are from the future. You have traveled through time to this moment. You know how all of this place out. And they must know the truth. They must know what is to come. Oh, I messed up my eyebrows and you see I don't the eyebrows and I'm like, I can you roll a D20 for me? Roll a D20 for me? I suppose I could. I'm going to roll this D20. Quattro.

Okay, that's a four. Okay. Lads. I'm gonna step forward and I'll put my hand up against like a swamp tree. I'm gonna reach into my vass and pull out a pipe and I'm gonna blow bubbles with it. Someone in this circle can't be trusted. I hate to say it. Why? I agree, yes. Someone cannot be trusted. Why? Someone has been body snatched.

Oh no, what's happening already. What do you know of this Gideon? Oh god. I mean, I didn't think we were here yet, man, but we could be on the brink of the peppermint wars. The peppermint wars. Derek, you are unable to control your own volume, speaking either too quietly or too loudly. Oh my God, that's so good. Well, we know that there's someone we can't trust. Who does?

Who's been body snatched? How does that even happen? This is how begins, man. I can't. I can't tell you. I can't tell you. Oh, you seem to know an awful lot about the peppermint wars.

You're damn right, I do. To be someone who isn't body snatched. It's because I'm from the future, Grico. Okay? Time traveling, pod people, eh? No, just time traveling, well, no, regular people. I mean, you know, there's a pod involved, but we're not pod people. Wait, he was talking about pods.

I think it's Gideon. How does time travel even work? Let's not get into it, okay? And it is in this moment that you begin to hear the pattering of small feet, clanking of metal armor as the knight you had requested steps out of the underbrush and the thickets and makes his way directly towards you what i do he don't i'm doing all right i was told by the king that you requested my service on your mission and i have kindly obliged well he

thanks for pa passing me that he note earlier paul you're welcome How insightful are you? We're all a bunch of bunko buddies, I believe. I notice a fan of bunko anywhere. What's your name, man? Dan Stuffins. This is kind of a weird time. You came upon us at a strange time.

I'm... I'm... I'm sorry. You caught me off. God, never. I know what you're talking about. I can't hear you over this. sound of the skaters. What he means is that there's an imposter among us.

Don't even bother explaining it to him. Man, Dan doesn't make it. Do you mean in this group here? Yes, there's an imposter. So you needed to decide which one of us is the imposter amogas. I don't know any of you at all. Here, he's a hand crossbow. You have to choose. No, you don't have to choose. You can choose. No, you don't have to choose now. What is going on? with all of you. Okay.

This is madness. He takes the cause for and he turns it towards Grico and he shoots. I rolled a D-10. I gave me to know guys the newest Gregco. It's my D-20. I lost it. Oh, there it is. So he's gonna roll to hit.

Does the 15 hit? Oh, God, I want it to so bad. No. You know what? I'll twist it. Yeah, twisted dread it, yeah. Does it 17? Yeah, it's exactly right.

Roll damage. Do you don't have crossbow damage? If it's a light crossbow, it's 1d4? Or 26, 26 plus Dex. Well, you rolled really low. So five points of damage. Does you feel the bolt pierce into your skin? You're a shooter!

Good choice. It was me. I pulled to the ground dramatically dead. Playing possum. Oh, man, this is exactly how it happened on the hollow vids, man. He gets shot, he doesn't survive. He gets infected. I race up.

No. He just killed Grico. You have magic. You can fix it. You can heal him. No, no. Magic is real. I'm going to yank it out, and all you have to do is close.

It's opening. What? He hop. You want me to, you want him to? to magic is opening? Magic isn't real. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, it is.

Wait, so you're telling me that I, you want me to magic is opening. Magic isn't real. What the fuck are you talking about, y'all? Magic, it's not real. No, because it's not real. Look, I'll magic his whole, all right? I'm going to, Eldridge blast the wound.

I'll pull the both out just before that, glass hits to that it seals it. I'm gonna have you take a little bit of damage you're gonna take two points of damage as he rips the bolt from your side. 10 damage. I just thought it was really dramatically cool. What was that supposed to do, Frost?

I can't fucking understand you. I can't hear half of what you're saying. What you're talking about? You told me to magic. is open. He said he was going to die. We changed time. Oh, no, I was worried about this, man. I shouldn't have told you anything, but I just...

He still dies. Ageless, magic isn't real. You know, you gotta just, just Hugh McGid for a while. I mean, he likes to take him improv active classes. And so sometimes he likes to, you know,

really inhabit a new character. And I think in this one, He's from so sort of like sci-fi universe and he's like maybe the leader of a resistance and he's coming back in time to like stop the apocalypse That's a good one right right yeah yeah yeah a tear forms in my eyes. I look at Gricoe I just say I would like you all to roll a perception check we have to fix the Tom Lvon and I'll walk towards Grecoe He does this because he knows I hate time travel more than anything Natural 20 nice got to give it up no perception natural oh

Oh, no one is 20. Oh. The boys. When of these days are all going to roll a natural 20 at the same time. It's going to happen. It's probably not going to happen. It's going to happen. What are the odds of that?

It's a law of large numbers. If a long enough timeline, it has to happen. $400. Anyway, I got a $24,000. I also got a $24. Oh, nice. High five. Oh, let me see what I actually got.

$160,000. What's he doing? Count? One in $3.2 million. You know how much Frost loves counting. He's always counting. I guess sometimes he just starts counting. It just never seems to amaze me, you know?

Yeah, he-ho. For God's sakes, the timeline's out of order. We've got a fix it. I got an 11. Okay. Yeah. What did you get, though, Derek? 3.2 million.

I see us playing the game. You were all concerned with Grico as he's bleeding profusely from this. What had been a pierced wound but was ripped open even more by the... Oh! Yeah! He's fucking dead! You see, it was ripped open even more as Frost, having no experience with medicine in any way, forcefully removes the bolt from Grico's side.

Kremi responding in kind to Frost's request, shoots at full force with his Eldridge magic, completely blowing the flesh and bone apart. As Grico is now bleeding out on the ground, what had been an attempt to play possum is now a fight for a man's life. As Torback and Gideon, you notice as Dan Stuffins.

I gave him that thing. What's that, man? As Dan reaches to his side and reaches into a pouch at his side and fills his hand with this sparkling black dust. It almost looks like ash. But as it catches the lights of the fireflies,

you see all the colors of the rainbow in it. As he hunkers down and begins to spring forward in a frog jump directly towards, towards the middle of the group of you. Oh, that's definitely not magic. Wait, what are you doing? Yeah, hey, what are you doing, man? As Gideon.

As Gideon's coming. I'm not on top of Grico, hands around his throat. And I'll look in your eyes, I'll say, it's shame I won't live, but then again, who does? I'll jump forward. No, Gideon, you can't kill him. Well, that's just ridiculous, man.

I can kill him. My hands are on his throat. And it is in this moment that Dan Steffens throws the dust down in the middle of you all. And he shouts out, the resistance lives! And he disappears in a puff of smoke. What the fuck? And where he'd been standing, there is nothing.

No sign of his armor, no sign of his person. And all of you breathe. in this strange, glittery magic and you feel the power of the witch light losing control as you regain your consciousness. Red, red,

pergiotic, damn a bit. Oh, shit. Yikes. Oh, yeah. It's the picture thing, which is there. Oh, man. Imagine thinking magic is, whoa, magic is definitely real.

Yes. Amogus. Do we remember, like, how much interaction do we have with ourselves, selves in, like, those moments? Do I remember feeling like, you remember all of it. Like, you know this is happening. It's not like you become a different person. It just fades away. Like, you can have conversations about the fact that this has happened to you.

We were taken again. We were taken again by the strange fay magics of this place. I believe that I was a vampire. I almost bit in dear neck, Grico. I almost... Don't go any further. We don't need to relive that. Yes, it's probably for the best.

I thought I could see it all, man. I thought I knew that Grico had to die for the future to happen. Grico, you are still bleeding out on the ground. I'm like that guy from the beginning of Kung Bao and her the test. I'm no doctor, man. But that's one clean chunk.

I need to rewind that. Oh, shit. This is literally a cleave. We trained the wrong on trovers. It's a joke. It's like a cleave like gelatin. It's junk muck. Grico, can you stuff some bananas in that thing?

Oh. Do you have any banana power? Hold on. Hold on. Okay, let me just mash him up a little bit. And we just do it up. Yeah, yeah. While we're on the topic of here,

topic of healing and doctoring. Some of you definitely need to wash your hands. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I would like you to roll a group perception check for me, please. The Bananas. Grico, you are at disadvantage because you're bleeding out. Rimmel got an 18. Oh, wow. 22. Perception? Holy shit. Oh my God. 22.

Okay. With that group perception check, you are helping Grico to mend his wounds, mashing up the bananas and helping to place them on the areas where his chunk has been blown out. Why? Right next to the grumble.

I go right. I pick up the gelatinous chunk and I'm like, and then I banana paste it. I think someone in Jess said this is the birth of caboosh. No, it was much juicier than this. This doesn't even register in the juice. Yeah, that's a one out of ten cabooshes. I leave.

But you were milling about trying to help Grico with this while he is on the ground. And he has it under control for the most part. and the rest of you begin to inspect a bit of this dust. And you see that it's almost coalescing and forming together, almost like it's, think about the little bits of magnetic iron that form in dirt that you can then pull out, and it creates this substance. And it begins to attract itself to the very center of the area

that this, the Dan Stuffins had made his escape. I know, I don't know why I gave him that name. The frog name is Dan. It was a... The chef was Carl, and one else was like, Igleg, Bumpo, Smulfug. I will honestly tell you, for whatever reason, we're thinking about Dan Stevens

and how Grady was this, the beast. And then you asked what his name was, and I was like, Dan, Stuffins. Oh, I mean, historically, people got their name from whatever job or profession they had, so, oh, barrel maker. Stuffins. Stuffins.

Yeah. Oh, witch. But you, you, you, you, You do notice that all of this dust seems to be accumulating and attracting to something on the ground in the very center of the circle you've been standing in. Oh, we really needed that DASX marketing, I'm investing in this pile of dust. I believe it's pronounced Deuce X Machina. It does seem like this dust could be, if you had some pouch or something, you could put it in, it could be used at a later date, if you would

like to keep it. But beneath it, you see a small metal placard that says 13 mushroom way. Hey, Phyllis, look at this. We got a location about it. Oh, we're going to play Bunko later. That's right. Well, I feel like we should go talk to that in prison night. Morgon. Oh, yeah, that's right. Morggo. And let us all be wearing hats for when she mentions her dear friend and we can show our respect. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, like a razor.

I don't have a hat somewhere. I've just found a hat in a new person that turned into a horrible clown hole. You had a hat because you... They call it a... Never more. No!

Mike! I'm going to walk away. Walk away, Jerry. Mike! Oh. We got to cross past that bit. We're just going to move past that one. And this should be the last time we mentioned Wigglewaw.

They were the fuck his name. Wiggle Wog. Well, she's going to bring up Wigglewax. No, how is her like sold me? But I'm saying once we move past Morg, look, number one rule of this group now is no more mention the WiggleWod. I don't think we've ever mentioned WiggleWig. I think it was always the everybody else.

Everyone's talking is a really popular guy. Oh, no. Yeah. May he rest in peace. For what I could tell from his corpse, he looked like a tender lover. I mean, you look pretty tender when he fell off of the towel. It gross.

That's a bit of a tender answer, you know. Before we go and speak to Morgo. First, I so dearly wish that we hadn't been under the influence of the same magics when we saw Dan Stuffings because. Me too. I would have wanted to tell him that we needed to make sure that there was a delay in the game of Bunko, to make sure that they don't make a move on the king. Now there's no way to warn them of that.

And second of all, No, no, go ahead. And second of all, before we speak with Morgow, I would like to talk about having some form of plan for how to get her out of the mess while also satisfying the king's need to obey the law. Can we fake a tournament and allow her to win and go free? through something like that, fake one of our deaths in a fight? I have an idea.

I know we've been full of really good ideas. I will make it very well known that I am a master shape shifter with a connover. You know what I mean? And so what I can do is before I do that, I can conjure a beastie that looks exactly what I will turn into. And then I will do a little bit of a trickery to bounce away, and that spectral copy will fight her and die terribly.

How long would this beast last? I believe 10 minutes, but I'm not entirely sure. I need to consult my brain. Let me consult the spirits. Okay, go to your mind. While he's consulting his brain, you think when Dan woke up this morning,

he thought he'd be escort in a group of people like us and then shooting one of us in the chest of the crossbow and then smoke bombing his way in fairy dust just out in nowhere without answering a single damn question. Do you see that coming? This may be what it's like to live in the Faywild.

One morning you wake up as part of a rebellious group planning a terrible coup, and then you have to crossbow somebody in the stomach and just disappear without a trace leaving magnetic shards everywhere. That was pretty dramatic, though. It's a complete stranger, you know? man didn't even know it's you shot us in the stomach after he slipped this uh hey what that note

say by the way he slid to you oh that's right i never read it out loud for either you or the audience said the resistance is among us seek them out and they shall lead the way that is why there was someone a mogus no i think that was just the drugs yeah i hate these drugs in the hour an hour actually quite a quite a bit the only difference between the prime material plane and the fay wild is that there's no carbon monoxide detector is here. Ah. Yeah. All right.

We should go to 13. What does it say? No, no, no. We've got to talk to Moldo. No, after that, all right? It's 13 mushroom wine. 13 mushroom way. So we got to go talk to Morggo, go to the lightning cloud, buy a bunch of stuff at the shop, go to 13 mushroom way, and then go back to the king and party with them?

Yeah. And have a cooking contest. I already know what I'm going to make. I'm going to smoke all you, fool. A ribble was hoping for an early night. I'll be honest. Grumple was also hoping for a early night. I have to tell you, and I'm telling you all this in confidence.

Do not get us into a deadly fight if you can help it. Oh, man. I am completely tapped out. I have nothing left in the tank. You say that every time. There's almost a deadly fight upon them. Look at my beans. My bean jar is fucking empty.

We are not having. having an early night, okay? Mund or Mud is turning 40. I know we spent 4,000 gold pieces to get here, but we need a lot of proof for the gram. We're staying up all night. All right, I'll like to- Venmo, remember Venmo, me.

All I can do is cast Friends in Mending, okay? That's all I'm saying. That's fantastic. Thanks. Wait a minute. Did I, do you mention anything about 14 to Grico, after you had a crazy spiddle hallucination. Oh.

Didn't someone tell you something about 13? I know Frosty was free and 8. I'm sure to remember. Ribble doesn't really remember, but Ribble feels like he would have said something. And he wrote it down and boxed it and put it with stars all over it, and it says, we're coming.

13, Torbeck, we're coming. Ribble now, we're coming. he definitely mentioned something about putting all of you in danger what if this is all a ruse 13

what if you have a diminution what if it's coincidence Frost what are the odds of that coincidence run to the numbers

Frosty all five of us yeah well no just that this house number happens to be 13 and that

Tollbeck ominously heard the number 13 after he drank to spit Probability is don't work that way. There's no way to calculate such a number. You figure it out. You're a smart guy. Run the numbers,

well, maybe if I had a long rest, I'd be able to figure it out. It's Tiki Margarita not, Frosty. We are not going to bed early. All right. I continue to the jail when Morgho is. You rally together now that Grico's wound has been, sealed and he begins to heal. And you begin to make your way through the swamp.

You find yourselves along a narrow pathway that is aligned on either side by the murky lake that perpetuates this entire area. And you see that off ahead of you, there are a few structures. And though night has fully dawned, that's a weird way to say it, but it's here, Night and dawn. Night is here. When you get my meaning. You get my meaning.

Night has fallen around you, and you see that the illumination of these structures makes them even more visible in the fog than they were during the day. You see the large, soggy palace that the king was talking about. It is on the platform directly in front of you. There are three paths, one that leads off towards what is very clearly a small, prison or jail. And back behind it, another path that snakes off towards the edges of the murky lake in the water. And you see the gigantic, roiling storm cloud, as lightning pops and strikes inside of it, illuminating the area.

This is clearly the storm cloud balloon that you were told about where you can find the shop, bobble and charms. And off to the right is the towering, soggy palace. The entire first floor sunk down into the muck, causing the rock, causing the wall. it to be completely submerged. But you see that even at this time of night, it is completely littered with members of the Soggy Court and their beautiful Rococo Regalia as they take a promenade around the plate. You see as members of the Soggy Court and the Rococo Regalia are milling about the palace, strolling along the promenade, standing at the terrace, looking out over their domain.

it is lively and jovial. You can even smell the smells of cooking, wafting out of the palace itself as they're clearly preparing for celebration and a large feast and eventually a lectrum chef. And it is, there's an air of happiness and joy over this place, which is in complete contrast to the left side path that takes you towards the jail where it is dark and somber, Not even the lightning bugs dare to tread around this place, as it is two large mangrove trees that are twisted and entwined together forming what appears to be two large cells. And behind it is a man-made proving ground where you imagine the battle to the death take place. And darkness hovers here. It is quiet. Occasionally you hear the clinking of metal on metal. as guards patrol the area.

And that's what you see up ahead of you. Are we ready to fight this lady? I thought we were just going to talk to her, and we still haven't decided if we can fake... What did your mind hut tell you? Oh, I went into my mind hut, and I consulted the spirits, and they told me it was an hour. Oh, terrific.

So... So... I could do that. I also have this big old bag of leash. that I got from your person when you were knocked out and I'll open the, uh, like a wet sack and just and there's magenta that is like, uh, glowing up from it. We could try to rode a dash and get the one where we die. What?

No. We could die and get reborn. What the fuck are you talking about it? Remember when I died and got reborn as an oak? Yes, that was the fame magic. We can't control that. We can't rely on it in the middle of a tournament. We can roll, I mean, we can roll a dog.

It's kind of fun. What if you think you're a spy and then you just kill her? Because that's the spy thing to do. That would be like the opposite. You're right. You're right. No, if we do that, I'm just going to get a fucking donkey head again for the six to seven times. No, I'm saying one of us has to do.

We just basically take as many leeches as we can. And we just... Until you die. Until we die and get reborn. And so the frogs just like, oh, they die. And then you ross up and you'll reborn. You're saying, oh, Zug, Zug, it's me. Mort the York.

You're playing with terrible magic, Grego. This is the most dangerous thing I've heard you yet propose. In the prior time since we came to the carnival and came to Prismere. That's my second idea. That's option B. Option A is a lot more reliable. Abusing that would look like some sort of explosion of magic that we couldn't possibly comprehend.

I mean, I got this idea from my doctor back in Goblin Town. He really loved leeches. It answered everything. Well, did you have cocaine? in your blood? I think we all did. No, I think he had ghosts in his blood, but he needs to do cocaine about it. Oh, yes,

of course. Yeah, I assumed you needed to do ghosts about it. Our mayor was named Billy Jolgo. Billy Jorgo. Yeah, Jolgo. There's a posthrophy after L. Anyway. I bought his ghost in a mason jar on eBay. Oh, really? Yeah. It's $2 million dollars.

Gawlers. Did we have any other ideas? I like that idea, honestly. Which one? The leech death idea? Yeah, that idea? The first idea, no, no. You get a good laugh out of it.

For what it's worth, the first idea was good, but Ripple thinks we shouldn't just go right into fighting this poor person. That's got to be some kind of backup plan. We're just supposed to talk to her. No, but if we, if we, if we, if we, if we, free her and pretend that we're friends and we put a target on our backs and the kings who

whom stivers trust us. Yes, we need to talk to her, convince her that we are on her side, convince her that we are going to meet her in the arena and that we're going to fake her opponent's death, which would be one of us. If we can create that illusion, we kill two birds with

one stone, cook two meats with one fire. We allow ourselves to support the king and is actually surprisingly right ruling, and it allows us to free Morgau. This might be crazy.

What if instead of losing, we just beat her, we win, but instead of killing her, we just say by the king's decree, he's going to, like, not kill her, and then we just send her back, and she defends him. Gideon. What? Have you seen how blood firstly these frogs are? No.

They ordered... I mean, it's... Yes, you have. No, I haven't seen anybody killing him. You didn't see a bunch of spiked heads on a bridge? Well, they're all still alive. It was all talking to us. Now, it's, it's like, until we achieve the cultural reform that we're shooting for here, they're going into, it's going to be pure chaos if we don't give them blood. Well, fine, man.

It was just a thought. I'm just saying, like, if we're like this guy, maybe we want them guard it. She's the best night in all the Frogtown. She's seen as a traitor to the crown. Yeah. Here's the thing. An unfortunate. that I don't call

her a snafu but just a slight complication when I swore to not not betray the king I swore to betray the king so at some point down the line you know this is faced up I don't want to risk

it I got to do something to pray me why do you have to try to be so sly all the time well you could have said from a certain point of view he was a good friend that's all you had to do or you could have said uh huh

Huh? That's all you had to do. You didn't... You're not beholden to what you said, are you? I mean, as far as everything I know about Faye deals, swears, oaths, contracts, it's all binding. I didn't want to commit to anything because I didn't want to swear feilty,

but I didn't think I was entering some sort of a Faye agreement. Uh-oh. Ripple is now very confused. Ripple didn't think there'd be any harm and just kind of agreeing because these people don't really last very long. But if Mr. Crass... I mean, Uglin was going to betray the king. Doesn't that mean Ribble has to defend the king?

What has Ribble done? Hey, here's something that it's probably going to resolve all this with no possible way of coming up in a poor light. Why don't you just write his name in the book, man? That's like kind of a betrayal. He's not in there yet. She doesn't even like know who he is. Just write his name in there. It's kind of like a minor betrayal, but it's still betrayal. And there's just no way that goes bad. That's really cold. Yeah. I mean, wait. Did she even rip? Put it towards the end. Oh, you trade by the CR5. Indeed. Well, I did steal the book. He's going to end up in there anyway.

Yeah, just rise the name in the book, man. You know, that's seen. I mean, look, he's, he's a fucking. I mean, look. The thing, I didn't specify the gravity of how much I'm going to betray this guy. All I'm saying is, that's not very grave, man. What's the other option? You come up behind him and say, nothing personnel, kid? No, no. Kermi's right. It doesn't have to be a large betrayal.

You don't have to kill him. You just hand him like a cold brownie from his hangary man, and he'll be all set. Well, no, look, look. Fine. I'm just going to pitch my current out of my krony. Working theory, all right? This is the current Kremlin-Lekru plan, all right? This is plain.

Okay. Okay. Okay. We steal snoodle. Okay, step two. Now, that's it. We just betray his trust by taking his pet. That's very dark, Rubble.

That's what Ripple was going to say. It's not that, Doc. It's well-fought Ripple. Well-said Ripple. I mean, the Kings is probably not long for this world the second he gets taken out. They're going to take out his pet. Isn't that what they do?

I want him to be long for this world. He actually listens to me on in the tax policy. I recommend it. And you think he's gonna implement them? Yes. With his court? I will navigate the politics of that and then I'll get funding for the new balloon factory. All right.

Well, I like where you're going with that. I'm stealing the gate a pet. That's all I'm going to say. Is it a gator or a crocodile? It's an alligator. It's an alligator. It's an alligator, so it was an alligator many toes. The first time you said it was a crocodile.

No, I did it. No, I did. Check the tapes. I didn't. Oh. No way, it would be cute if it was a little crocodile or an alligator. It reminds me of the little crocodile patch from Burning Crusade. Just like a reality TV show, producer Rick, right here cut to a black and white shot of what was actually said.

Yeah, it was bloody, exactly, yeah. It was a crocodile. Yeah, sounds right. I also do have a harness that works on small creature tops. You may be able to make him large. Look, we don't have to steal snoodle, all right? I feel like it's very cold-blooded. It was just an idea, all right?

I mean, you know, if it's interesting of abolishing the hereditary monarchy and establishing a constitutional republic that's governed by elected representatives, I feel like we should try to at least do something. Regardless, we can cross that bridge when we get to it. That's my point. We need to decide what we're doing about Morgow right now. I think for Morgho, we do. We pretend to fight.

One of us pretends to die. And we get on the fucking thing. Oh, but then we can't show up later. No. You know what? How about we say, you turn into one of your monsters and we'd be like, oh, this giant beast. Oh. Shows up.

Oh, this beast is going to fight. And then when it dies, it explodes. Oh, that's a goblin that probably ate early. He's alive. Oh, my God. It's a miracle. We can sell that. Oh, yeah.

All we have to do is get Morggo to agree. I can tell that to frogs. of life. We'll be able to get it done. That's really good. Thank you. That's so good. 45 minutes. That's so good. I even understood that reference. That's really nice. It's a Melbrook's reference. Okay. Any objections?

Terrible has none. Should our turn, should we just say we're here to fart and I just turn into said beastie right now? I think we have to be taken to the arena or hippodrome that it's sometimes called. Oh, yeah, well, we definitely got to walk up with you in beast form. You can't do it under the gaze of them watching us. Or they're not going to realize you were like an eaten goblin. We perhaps establish the monster, but I don't know if we're doing the fight today.

It could be tomorrow. I will say what you remember is the king told you that with the pendant or with the brooch, you would be able to gain access to the prisoner, and she might be able to give you. you additional information. We're not going to find out now. So you imagine that you are looking to gain audience with the prisoner. I think we go with the Landshark. What do we think?

To fight her? It's a delicious logger, right? I mean, it's a light, it's fruity, it's appropriate for summer. It's as an homage, so to speak, to our summer court friend. Doesn't have any that weird funk? Yeah, no, it's actually is quite nice. It's a perfect summer beverage. Yeah.

It's got fins to the left. It's got fins to the right. Morgulgo will be the only baiting town. Oh. Yeah, you know, it's actually kind of a dark implication. Maybe we don't go with the land shock. Let's continue.

All right. We walk up to the guards and we say, Candy Graham from Morgau. I'm just stealing from chat tonight, all over the place. You make your way, you get to the crossroads where it splits off. You could head forward towards Bobble and Charms

and the floating and the lightning balloon. You could head to the right to the soggy palace, but you choose the left path. Fince the left. The one that takes you through the dark mangrove trees, through the dark mangrove trees, through the

towering roots of these trees, until you get to what is very clearly the prison, the jail, in front of the proving grounds. There are two guards standing there with their spears crossed in front of you. They grunt at you

as you make your way up towards them. What are you doing here? The prison's closed. Come back later. My name is Count Bogbottom. These are my variously esteemed. He don't look like a count.

His name is Grumple. He's the Count of Bogbottom. I thought that that's how the Count works, right? Your Count of Bogbottom. You are technically Count Grumple of Boggbottom. Oh, okay. I accept. Yeah, what he said.

You don't even know what your title is. Well, look at this. I show him the frog foot with like a pin pointing down. He immediately like, he immediately stands tall and he looks over. I mean, checks out it's the king's brooch, man. I'm splop. What hands of the king? What can we do you for?

Well, you can step aside. They both step aside and they uncross their spears. Oh, that was easy. Wow. You know. They all means will be here if you need anything. I didn't even have to use friends. Very well done.

Very well done, Gideon. It's not even how many a go. I was just copying frosty. Oh, no, I was just copying Frosty. Oh, okay. Yeah. No. No, it's one, two, three, four.

It's not five. It's four. Anyways. Sorry for the trouble. Guards will be on our way. Well, thank you. Thank you, Rebel. Sir Rebel.

You know what, Gideon, I feel like this is... Sorry, Derek. It's four. I feel like this is a great... There are four claps. There are four claps. Nope. So no one told you life was gonna be this way.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. One, two, three, four. But I heard it different. My... Frosty, run the numbers. Oh, no, that's right. I feel like fucking John Luke Picardin. that really crazy episode of Star Trek for Next Generation. Please continue.

This was a great lesson of sometimes how less words are sometimes more powerful. Perhaps we get into trouble because we're also talky, talky, talking, talky, fewer. What? Fewer words, not less words. Fewer words? No, it's less words. No, it's fewer words. No, it's fewer words. More words, less words. Less words.

I went to Goblin School. Goblin College. They have a common lit in Goblin school? Well, it was... Common was a bit of an elective. I picked that more up on, you know, once I moved away. You know, trying to play a couple gigs at a couple, you know, human and halfling pubs.

Anyway... This is fine. Let's continue. Can we stop having this conversation right in front of the guards? Sometimes we talk about the definition of irony, and it's spending that many words on how many words you're spending. After that was a lovely lesson for me and Crammy and Frosty and Tobeck. Me at least. We went through the prison.

Oh, Ribble. Ribble and Grumple and Munder Mud and Oglin. Thank you. We all learned something there? Was that what happened? It is. And as the guards part... is the guards make way for you to enter.

You move forward. Rising from the soggy earth is a sturdy wooden hut with an open doorway on one side of it. At the back of the hut are two holding cells. Thick mangrove root serve as bars with a small round door closing off each cell. The floor of one cell is covered with several inches of stinking water.

The other cell holds a figure and rags slumped against the back wall. You hear, I'm not telling you nothing. And that is where we'll in the session. Oh. I wanted to talk to Morgal.

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