Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 3 | Let Them Eat Cake

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

The final night of the Witchlight Carnival is in full swing, and the krew encounters their greatest contest yet...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/Ydznvfy4yxM?si=efWFj7mFgFQ7KWGD

Welcome to Legends of Aventrith. Chuckled here and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. You found yourselves in significant amount of debt when Remy Guru decided to collect on what he believes he's owed. You for the first time. Did something that you never thought you could. You went to the job board. It was there that you found an old notice for one Madrick Rosslaw. a warlock that was looking for help finding his warlock patron,

an archfay named Zabilna. He was offering treasures untold. And if you were to make your way to the Witchlight Carnival, there could be a way into the Fay Wild, into her realm of Prismere, where you could attempt to find Zabina and confirm that she was safe and unharmed. Through a floral archway, you glimpse wondrous and vibrant creatures, elf stilt walkers, dancing fairies, and painted performers. They know everything that happens here.

The carnival can tell what your mood is and what the mood of the whole carnivals. If you can't pay the price, you can make a pack. But if you agree, I will tell you, those that make a ticket pack do have a better chance of becoming the Witchlight Monarch. You must declare your love for unicorns at every opportunity.

I guess I didn't really know that about myself either, but I really like unicorns. I really, I love unicorns. Oh, look, there's a carousel. Look, look. You think they have unicorns there? Zabylna is frozen in time. Three hags have seized control of Zabylna's domain.

Together, these hags form the hourglass coven. Each hag is convinced her sisters are plotting against her. Good luck. To the feasting orchard. Oh, who's your rate? I hope they have a children's menu. I hope you're free. You stand before the entrance to the feasting orchard.

Looking in, music and mirth radiate from this park. The hetty scent of flowers, mead, and berry pie waft through the air. Stilt walkers pluck fruit from trees. Musicians drum, pipe, and strum. And everywhere, they're singing, dancing, and an inordinate amount of custard. Good. Look at custard here. Oh my gosh. Custard? You were hungry, right? Oh, I'm hungry. I mean, I don't think that's gonna fill you up, you know? Can I have like dessert never really fills you up and you always got room for it? Yeah. Oh yeah. I'll try it though.

Let's just, uh, let's go ruin this guy's day. Wait, wait, before we go, does everyone have their Witchlight Carnival admit one ticket? Of course. Who see you got your pumpkin? You think there's a ride in here? I think we're going to ride the explosive aftermath of whatever we eat. Perhaps they've set up some sort of slide.

You can ride the custard down. That seems very, uh, There might be custard wrestling. Oh, like a water slide. Or a... I got nothing. It's like a balloon. It's like that happens.

It has already begun. Yeah, some kind of custard slide is exactly what I was imagining. Though I prefer to have some sort of protein or a carb if they have it here. I don't know if they only serve custard. I look around. see if the custard is all they serve. It's not. Looking around, you see that this small grove is encircled with these beautiful fruit trees,

and they house fruits of vibrant colors and many different colors. Blues being the main color, but you do see purples, pinks, reds, oranges. And you see that there are hay bales placed here and there, where people are sitting and eating different desserts, pies, treats of all kinds. You also see that there is, towards the very back, there is a stage with a bard who is performing music, a very rousing country tune. And in front of that, there are four long tables where you see a multitude of people sitting and shoveling what appears to be some kind of cupcake.

Some kind of cake in their face, one cake after the next. Outside of this, it looks like it's a place to stroll around, enjoy some music, try some treats, and potentially enter into, I'll say you look to the side and you see a flyer that says the fairy cake eating contest. Oh. They make cakes out of fairies here. That's wild.

It's a little gruesome. You look at it and you see that it's a fairy-sized cake, so it resembles a cupcake. Oh, yes, y'all. I don't know if I'm going to partake in the cake eating process. It's like a king cake, but instead of baby, she says it's a fairy. Oh, God. Oh, no.

Oh, I found half of it. Oh, wow. There's so many more snacks than just the custard. I don't know why we all just hyper-focused on just the single delectable treat. The custard was just the most prominently colored. thing in the arena. I imagine I'm going to try a little bit of everything. Oh, that sounds quite nice. So everyone has your tickets? Tickets, tickets. I got mine. Okay, it would be very embarrassing if we made it to one ride and

someone lost it ticket with the unicorns. Not again. Not again. You got your pumpkin, okay. It's time to feast. Do keep your ticket close to you and somebody... Do keep it. That happens about once a month. I always forget. How often I eat, do keep and stuff, I mean, that's all that's Alice's specific. I mean, I...

He's cruelly said it now. I see no reason why I can't start a sentence with dokey. Ah! I fall onto the ground, clutching my sides. A group of people... the people stop and look over and you see that they start pointing at Grico a little concerned. But no one makes any motion over to him. You see them whispering back and forth.

Is he going to be okay? No, I know how Jacko's fear. I think I'm going to get fed in the past. If laughing stops, then we'll have a medical emergency. But as long as you can hear the laughter, we're fine. We can hear the laughter. They walk away. Gricka, do you want to see if there's any flavors of custard

that attract you? That sounds quite nice. I spring up immediately. Amen. Let's do it. You make your way and there's no one at the front of the feasting orchard that is looking for tickets. And as you mill about, you see that the only thing that seems to be taking tickets is a spot at the fairy cake eating contest. But other than that, enjoying the music of the bard who appears to be a well-dressed,

and fairly capable Gnome woman. You can enjoy the music easily, as well as stalls that line the sides. There's a maze throughout the orchard if you wanted to go through and pick your own fruits. You can pick up a basket and do that. It doesn't seem to be any cost for that. But people are really milling about and enjoying themselves.

This is a much quieter spot in the carnival. Oh, pistachio, thirsty! Is it for the custard, perhaps? Oh, probably wrong. There is a really nice pistachio ice and iced custard. I will have some of your pistachio ice, please. And the fairy behind flitters her wings

and she provides you a really beautiful what almost looks like a glitter decorated large acorn that's piled high with a minch-green pistachio custard. Oh, well, thank you. Frosty, are you supposed to be the smart one? Where are you going with this, Gregel? If we're all going to compete

eating fairies and cupcakes, then you're filling up on pistachios? It's very cold. It'll allow the cake to go down smoother because I'll have... You try your own strategy. Are you going to use the custard as lubricant? Yes.

Usually it is dunking in a glass of lukewarm. warm water. That makes logical sense, Bricko, it's fine. Like the whole fucking thing? You know it's like made of bread? Oh yeah. It's so soggy. Have you never had eaten contests in your villages? Goblins is all sorts of

mostly rat eating contest, frog eating contests. Rat frog eating contests. It's all just wet. I mean, we're in a bog. Everything's kind of wet. Just to see how long you can survive eating that? Well, there's a lot of casual

cheese, yeah. Are the animals alive when you consume them? About half of them. Do you think if I asked that lovely bard lady to play bird what is free, you think she knows it? You could always give it a shot. I don't know how popular that song is.

I mean, did you hear it when you were at the carnival last time you were here? Oh, no, no, no. I never made it this far. I looked at the dragon off at the dragon fly rods very longingly, but I never made it to the side of the carnival. I was on the clock mostly. They never let you eat at the Orson? No, I had to eat at the staff station.

I'm going to the map, it's called the staff area. It's been eight years, crane. They renamed it probably. It used to be back in my day, It used to be the staff station, okay? It's always been called the staff area. This bugbear says as he walks past. Oh, hey, Jerry.

Hey, Greg. Nice to see you. It been a while. We should catch up. Get an espresso or something anyway. Yeah, I'll see you over by the gondola rides later, I'm sure. Okay, we'll take a nice gondola rider. It'll be quite nice.

Yeah, I'll come by when I've got my braids. Okay, see you, Jeremy. I'm going to go get some food over in the staff area. Okay. Do they still have those soggy tunis sandwiches. It's my favorite. Yeah, me too. I'm gonna have two. Oh, could you sneak a couple for me? If I'm, if I still have room after the contest? If I don't eat him on my way to the gondola ride. Oh, okay. Hmm. See you later, Grico. Goodbye, Jerry. He waves and heads on out.

Nice fella. Nice lad that, Jerry. No, nice lad. I feel like every guy you know is either Jerry or Jeremy. I mean, isn't that kind of a coincidence? Is the staff area is sticky and full of bees as I'm imagining? Oh yeah. And honors, and wasps. Yeah, it just paints a picture, doesn't it? And scorpions, for some reason. You remember tumblers of spiders?

Oh yeah, yeah. Tumblers and spiders and I always thought, well, is that? Oh, someone got into the fridge and they wanted to steal the Bullywugs lunch. And they regretted it. Miss, I finished my pistachio custard. It was delicious. Do I have to bust this acorn or can I just leave it here?

Do I keep it? What's the situation with the acorn cups? You can keep it if you want or you can put it on the table with all the empty acorn cups. Or I can fill it up with another dollop for you. We've got a lemon custard, watermelon custard,

poisonberry custard, blueberry custard, cherry berry custard, cherry's berries custard, fortified berries custard, trembling berry custard, wanton berry custard, double berry custard, double-troubleberry custard, bubbling, bubble berry custard,

bubbling, berry custard, bubble, bubble, bubble, double, bubble, bubble, bubble berry custard, 14 berry custard, and milkberry custard. Oh, milk berries. Be careful, Greg. Oh, I think she said poison berry. All those berries and they don't have crunch berries. Oh, we have granola berry custard.

I really should save room for the cake eating contest, but the Sherry's berries. Well, so I was going to ask, what's the difference between chair? Could I, do you do you do free samples? Yes. I would love to try the cherry-berry custard and the cherries berries' custard, please. Okay. And she pulls out two half-pastasio shells and scoops up little custard. Oh, how did you separate those?

With my teeth, and she opens her mouth, and she has razor-sharp teeth. Oh. Oh, okay. I'll just set my anchorn down here. Yeah, it's all like tacky and salty. Frost, I mean, that's trash. Why do you have to ask the fairy what to do with her? Why do you got to ask?

I didn't know there's like a collector's cup and free refills and one. There's clearly a table fill of these. Oh, excuse me, I'll busting up, not he is. That's not what I sound like. That's not what I sounded like at all. Oh, my young lady, may I bustin up. This is my mind. I'm gonna go get in line with the fucking cake eating.

I'll shuffle off. Okay, free samples. Oh, yes, you have your pre samples. Oh. They taste exactly the same. Oh, man, there's very, very nice differences. I'm getting a note of plural in this one. This tastes like more, so I'll have the cherries berries, please.

I really taste the plural. And then because of my daughter is We need to not ruin her supper. She will have just simply the cherry berry because it tastes like less. And she'll fill up two acorns, one with sherry's berries, one with cherries berries,

and she hands them both to you. Oh, thank you. Oh, and sherbet. Sorry, here you go. When you're holding both acorns like that, it looks like Jerry's berries. Jerry's berries? You're offered a lawn,

so, stay. Ah, back. Oh, look at that. I decided to keep the acorn cup. You can wear it as a tasteful hat. It's a little too small for that. A very small hat. I'm just going to put it in my pack,

and I'll decide what I want to do with it later. Okay. All right. Let's go. We go to the content. We go on this fucking ass. You have many things that you can do. You enjoy your custard, your Sherry's Beer's Custard,

and you make your way to the cake eating contest. The line moves quickly, and you find yourself at the very front of it, getting your ticket punched by a small goblin wearing what looks like a chef's hat that is colorized to look almost like a big top. And he happily punches each one of your tickets and motions to where you'll take your seat as the bard up on the stage begins to play a rousing ditty on her loot. And booming out, you hear, Fairy cake-eating contest will begin in two-minute shop.

Make sure your tummies are empty. It's going to be a doozy. You heard the man, Frost. Oh, don't. Some tall grass. Oh, perfect. This always gets his tummy nice and settled. Huh.

Ha, ha. Ha. No, I don't do that. I'm in it to win it and I've got a pistachio custard in my stomach to soften the landing of how many cakes I'm going to stuff it to me. You see that there's a cute little wooden sign on each one of the tables, each one of the wooden tables with, you're sitting at a little, you're sitting at a little, you're sitting at a little, you're sitting at, uh, you're sitting in my cakes. like rectangular wooden tables with benches. Like picnic tables. The four or the, yeah, the four of you are at one table and you see that there are

quite a few people that are participating in this. So you have quite the competition to win this. And you see that each one of these tables has a little placard with the rules. There can be only one winner for the fairy cake eating contest. You will be eating essentially fairy sized cakes. They're about cupcake sized. They are glazed cupcakes filled with a dollop of berry custard. The goal is simple.

Eat as many cupcakes as you can within 60 seconds. Should you get a custard coma, you are out. Oh my goodness. Custod coma. 60 seconds is 10 rounds. We're going to be able to eat loads of cake at this time. Custard coma. It sounds like how you win.

Yeah, that's true. It's more of a consolation prize. I feel like it has an unfair advantage of this. I mean, it's like 40% fire. What is? I need each one of your constitution modifiers. Oh, fuck. I'm a plus three, plus three boy.

Okay, so your number is six. Three. Six, six, seven. You can eat that number before you start taking custard damage. Awesome. Okay. Custer damage.

Yep, yeah, okay. Hold on. I think for this one, I'm gonna need to do the old, the old popsicle. trick. Gideon, if you would. You can't

mean you want me to unhinger Don't. Take your shot. I managed to win it. I'm in it to beat for us to you. Just don't get in the body. Just know. Just know you're playing for second.

You're playing for second. You're playing for second. How do you feel? Your jaw is. Barely hanging out. How do I look? Your face is already swollen. How do I look?

You're missing three teeth. Oh, there, there, they are. You're bleeding all over your shirt. Was that really worth? I mean, like, even with that, my mouth is still like 82 times bigger than yours. Your face is so swollen that your number is now four. I, I'm a good.

On second thought, I may have let more desire for victory, cloud and more judgment. Yeah, wait a second, how are you actually gonna chew now? Maybe is this gonna sneak them down? That's what exactly, that's right, you were the water trick. Oh, you need to do damage to Mike.

Oh, yeah, he's gonna roll damage. Oh, God, don't roll on that 20 like that one time. No, you don't have to roll for it. He asked you to hit him, you just roll damage. Oh, um. See if it crits, right? No, I'm not yet. I see this in case.

You know, it's in case. Almost. 17. You look much more asymmetrical now, right? Not a bad look. All right. Seven damage. No!

That's like almost standard by hell. You did hold back. Okay. That's a nice string anyone said playing for second. Thank you very much, you did you.

Are we only land to use one hand? hand or can we... So because you can use two hands, you can essentially eat two cupcakes a second. Which means that you could potentially eat 20 cupcakes. Wow. Because there would be 10 rounds. So does that make sense to you? Let's roll some dice. Wait, I'll understand how to play. Okay. So you get there 10 rounds to this game. All right. Each round, you could eat two cupcakes. You have to, um, you have to make a Constitution saving throw to see if you are successful in eating those cupcakes, you get a certain amount of cupcakes for free because of your Constitution score. It's

your Constitution score plus three. So for Gideon, you get, um, or not rounds, you get cupcakes. You get six cupcakes for free. So the first three rounds. Seven for him. For you. Yeah, for everybody. Well, maybe not for Mike now. I'm debating that. Because his job has just been, it's swollen and in pain. I think I'm moving Mike down to four. I haven't seen the hit film Anaconda? Okay, five. You get five. I'll leave for better than now. So when we do the first round, there would technically be a role, but because you're still within your con score, you just automatically succeed.

And so you will succeed on rounds one through three, four. for most of you. And then going forward from that, you have to succeed on your roles before you start taking custard damage. Got it, got it. Okay, okay. Do I get the sense that people are only allowed

to tackle this non-magically? Like if I were to attempt to do something on myself, like guidance, for example, would I be breaking rules? No, you, you can see that people are doing things to bolster themselves. You can't cheat in the sense of like trying to create minor illusions that make it look like you've consumed things or... So if I were to use the cantrip that I have resistance, which allows me to add a D4

and add the number to a saving throw. You could do that. I could do that. Yes. And there is, on the placard, it does give you information that you should prepare yourself. That's why they do the one minute announcement so you can do whatever you need to do before the competition starts. I'll get punch in the face.

Alright. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Oh, and there is a no puking rule. Oh. Comas and regurgitation are an automatic out. I will pull a handkerchief out of my coat,

stick it into my shirt. I'll take my jacket off and I'll roll my sleeves up. Oh, y'all ready to lose? Dress down, Grimmy, well, Gideon, she is so well going to lose. I'm not ready to lose. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Not that I would. I see you literally,

eat a horse, Gideon. It was one time. Except for the... Even hungrier. Remember that Tommy went on the wacky caper, and it was just the four of us in the horse, and we got lost in the desert? I mean, when you're dead spread up...

You didn't... What's a man to do? You barely shed a horse, Gideon. He ain't most of it. I asked you if you would summon that gorilla and serve up some bananas. You said, no, I wanted you to eat the horse. We were right out of bananas.

You know, I could only do that so many times you die, Giddy. That was a narrow with... that we made and I still have some of the glue. You know, every time we see a horse, Frost is talking about glue. It's really odd. That's because glue is extremely useful in many different circumstances. How often are you using glue?

Give me some glue. I mean, when we have a carnival, yeah, I mean, glue came in handy, but what do you use? Give me some glitter. You do that and the glue is very fast acting. Hold on. It glues the skin of your face together. Now he's a really big wringled and your eyes are bolt. I'm ready for,

and half of your mouth is doing. All right, tell them, please do this. Okay. With that, you prepare yourself and you hear the voice boom out again. The contest has begun. Prepare your mouths. It's a different voice this time. Already prepared.

And you see immediately, um, Harry Potter style as cakes appear on the table in front of you. And they are piled high. And you hear the ticking of a clock, it ticks down. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4. A small child passes out from excitement. And you hear someone go, and they're out. Oh, wow.

Finally a maze used mazed. Three, two, one. Roo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So, all of you immediately succeed. Can I use sideways like John? Oh yeah. All of you immediately succeed round one. And round two.

Oh yeah. So that's four cupcakes. That's four cupcakes. Grico, you get the fifth, you get the fifth cupcake, but I need you to roll a constitution saving throw on the sixth cupcake. Oh, not even close.

Oh, I'm already four. Both cherries berries are so huge. Gosh, I shouldn't have been one that tasted like more. That should have been the cherry berries. Oh, Kahn saving throw, you say? Yeah. Uh, 16. All right, you were able to pass.

You were able to eat the sixth cupcake. Now, the next round goes by. You see that there are a few people that have already fallen into a custard coma. They're being flown away by phase as these fairies, as they flit about and move people away. There are these two large bug bears that are also carrying people away. Everybody's laughing and having a good time.

There is cake everywhere. It is covering the floor. It is covering your bodies. I need Grico Frost and Kremi to Rule Constitution Saving Throw for the fourth round. I'm also picturing the Lakito Cloud from fucking Super Mario Brothers. Do I feel if I, Nikki, I, Degiate a mistress.

a question. Do I feel like if I summoned the aid of a large guerrilla spirit that that would be considered cheating? Yes. Fuck. It would also be your action so you'd lose a round. Oh, I should have done it beforehand.

It's what you had a minute. Ah! I'm just a plunge in favor! Can I bonus action use my hungry jaws feature? To do one more cupcake? Yes, but you'll have to you'll have to

Oh. You'll have to roll for that one too. That's no good. 20. So this is for round four. That's your regular. So that, no, we're on round six. Okay.

And you're trying to get round three. Yeah, so we're round four, Cupcake Six. And so you're trying to squeeze in a seventh cupcake with your hungry jaw so you need to roll twice. Oh, all around. It's for each additional cupcake beyond the limit. So we're in round three and he's getting his bonus. That's actually okay.

Round four. So that should be cupcakes seven and eight. Yeah, so we ate one, two, three, four, five, six. So you all got six automatically. And so you're seven and eight. So you each, oh, you actually need to roll three times because you guys need to roll twice. Oh, so at six we roll and then at seven,

crushed it, 17. Yeah. So I presumably I fail once. And then you need to roll one. Thank you. Thank you for giving honest. Do we know what the D. No, not yet.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna add my D. I rolled an eight and a 16. Okay, one of them fails. Oh, I don't know. I'm just gonna keep track of my fail. 14. Okay, fails.

14 fails and another failure with a five. Oh, these are, wow, I'm sorry. I can actually look like the D&D, I promise. The first one was a 19. That passes. This one is a 10. That fails. I'd like to use my inspiration I got from Flaming Derek

to re-roll my dad. Absolutely you can. And what did you get, Mike? 20 and a what? 17. Okay, those pass. I think Ricko's over here. What?

Which is, That's your water and It's awful, it's awful blue eyes. God! What are the consequences? What? I need to... I got 10.

Oh, so you fail. So I have a fail, a fail, and a fail, yeah? Yeah, I won't fail. So each one of you needs to roll a D8. Oh, so this is gonna be a nightmare. Six. You take six custard damage. I will add six custard damage.

Six custard damage. So that takes away from my age. That's actual damage, yeah. Five. What if I have resistance to custom? You take five custard damage. Four. Four custard damage.

All right. Now we're moving on to round. You see that this round knocked out about half of the contestants. There are now half of the contestants down. And you are, you're still feeling pretty good. You've taken some custard damage, but you are eight, one of you nine cupcakes in.

And so we are, moving on to the next round. I need you all to make two dexterity save or two constitution saving thrust. 19 and a 13. 15 fails. 15 passes. Oh, D8 for every fail. I failed once and passed once. Okay, so just keep track of your damage. 15 and 18. You've passed both of them. And what was your, what was your second one, Mike? Oh, and you roll twice. Yes. Apologies. Natural 20. That's nice. I'm telling you, the jaw water technique is working. Please stop doing that.

Anaconda. Remember, was that Anthony Hopkins? Or was that like William Makes Mason? No, he was John Voigt. It was John Voigt. He was regurgitated at the end, and he gives them a little wink before he dies. Who took more custard damage? I took four damage.

Cremie Frost. You are really starting to feel. it. You can feel that wall rising up inside of you as if that custard wants to boil up. You're feeling kind of lightheaded. There's there's a there's a magical essence to this cupcake and it's it's making you feel almost like there are bubbles in your brain. They're on fairer in this at all. And you're just feeling a little bit loopy as the next round starts they call out and it's time to shovel more cupcakes into your mouth. What how many are on? You are on six.

17, 18, and 21. Just I've got a tracker. Don't worry about how many along. Just roll twice for me each round. Got it. Yeah, if you keep track of that, that'll be easy. 17 and 13. 13 fails.

20 and 21. You pass. Wow. 15, 14. 14 fails. 18, 21. You pass. So Gideon, Grico, you both take some custard damage.

So roll a, is this your first time taking custer damage? Second, first. Okay, and first. So what do I take? You take a D8 worth of custer damage. Five damage. And make sure you calculate it on your health.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Do I feel like using a bonus action for a word would be cheating? You feel like that would be cheating. Damn. Why is God. How would you get the word out anyway?

I had a really funny idea. I had a really funny idea. All right, you're feeling pretty The three of you have taken two rounds of custard damage at this point. And you're feeling like the more that you take, the harder it's going to be to withstand it as the next round starts. I need you to roll two Constitution. I'm going to fast. I shouldn't have used hungry jaws.

Fail. 19 and 16. I got a double fail. 15 and 24. Pass. Five and five. 1619. You pass.

Kremi. You are really struggling. You were. convinced going into this that being an alligator was going to benefit you. This is what happens when you change your art. You are actually, you are not rolling D8s any longer, you're rolling D-10s. Oh. Well, mm.

Okay. When I got a hernia now. Oh, I just like crippled the damage. That might just take me out. Oh, I'm a straight dead. Straight dead from custard damage works like old school Macross. like old school macrodite. If you drop down to zero, you're just dead.

I'm not dead, but I got one hit for it. You are really struggling. As you shovel these bake cupcakes into your mouth, you can feel the custard at the back of your throat. You can feel it coating the very back of your tongue. You feel like there's... There's almost no way you can get any more cupcakes down, but there could only be one winner.

You're not even sure what the prize is, but you must win this. You're an alligator. folk. Was it a gator or a crock that was in the Disney animated film Peter Pan? It's Crocodile. Crockedile. There's that moment where the clock gets stuck in his throat and it's like juggling up and down. It's exactly like that. You see a full

cupcake that is just moving up and down in the grommies throat. And with that we're moving on to the last three rounds as I need you to roll two more. Okay. Don't forget you guys have twists. Who needs to press when you're rolling hot fire. That's fair. So I'm going to roll one at a time. 20 and 7.

Seven fails. So that's my second time, D8. Yep. Okay, 19. Okay. You are able to get it down. You swallow this cake, and it knocks the other one down into your throat with a, or into your stomach with a thump.

That's 20. No. You are able to shoulder to push through. In the second room, fellas. down. Yeah, he's pushing each other down and down. All the other from the constrictor snakes and they're native to my swamp.

They've been to have a taste for John Voigt. Gideon. 18 and 24. You are able to make it through. I think the DC is probably going up. 16 and 19. You are able to bathe me. Hot digity dog.

Oh. I mean, yes. Excellent. It feels like you're slowing down. It feels like time is slowing down, but it's not. You're able to glance around, and you see that, oddly enough, you were the only table that still has all members standing. There's one table off to the side that has two people.

The other ones have either none or one left. There are maybe 15 people left in this entire thing, and there were 80 when it started. It is down to the final two rounds. I need you to make two more Constitution savings. Parker's gonna do your proudhood seat. Oh, and this crumbs all over my face. It's custard's last stand, gentlemen.

17 and a natural 20. There's my five. So in the first cooking in this round, I will instantly die. You could always roll a zero. You watch as Cremie opens his mouth. He puts the cupcake in. He closes his jaws, his eyes.

Your brain feels bubbly and effervescent. And you begin to see colors and pink dancing elephants. And you feel like you're in a strange movie from the 1970s. What are they putting these? As you begin to spin. and feel very dizzy as you collapse into a custard coma. And like the ass cupcake still just like in the back of my throat. And he's out!

And a bug bear comes over and lifts crummy up and begins to carry him over to what looks to be this nice plush, like almost hay bedded area where they've been placing all of the unconscious people. Can a fairy like crawl into his mouth and like... Yeah, they begin to show up. Yeah. I'm worried about Grammy, but I wouldn't win. No, they got Sari-E-M-T's.

Don't worry, no worry. Hey, Chrummy, you're going to finish those? Oh, no doubt for crimes. All right, and the rest of you? 22 and 26. Oh, 17 and natural. Oh, 19 and 24. You are all able to...

17 natural 20. There is only one more round left, and you look around, you see you were the only... three people still sitting at this point. The onlookers are cheering. You see people looking a little bit nervous because for the most part, aside from Frost a little bit, you look pretty hardy and there can only be one winner.

Mind over cupcake, idiot. I only have one question for you. Yes. What do you want to get to you after this? Bananas. I'm not only gonna win, I'm gonna look good doing. His eyes are... Maybe he's born with it.

Hey, man, man, man, man, man. His eyes are telling us, his mouth, he's like... I'm gonna look good. He's covered in glitter. What are you? You just look how you're saying, Frosty, you are so stupid. At the moment, I need to loosen my sash. A hush falls over the crowd.

As the announcer calls out for the final round, I need you to roll these individually. Yep. I've only been rolling one die. I can only have one die. Do I have an inspiration? Will, hit the road bump on that one. Yeah, 12.

I got a full. five, six. You all fail. As you go to put the cupcake in your mouth, all of the, all of the shit stirring you've been doing at each other, but more so just the look on Grico's face

makes this really unappealing. I think the cupcakes are doing more of the shit stirring. Just Grico's face in general makes it difficult to swallow these cupcakes. As you try to swallow this one down, you will take one D12 worth of custard. You have it's more food? Oh my goodness.

On the final round. Yeah, you're in the end game. I cannot fail this next one. I'm fine. I'm fine. I actually kind of like them better when they sting a little. I think there was a ferry in mind.

Oh, you love the staff area. We're all still standing. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh my god. The crowd is, it's almost a strange, silence as everyone watches watches on the only thing that pierces the silence is the occasional sound of ratching from a small child that clearly had too many cupcakes

and take my tail everybody watches with the baited breath to see what will happen next as the announcer calls for the final cupcake and you watch as the the tray that had been on your table that is you don't have it yet the tray that had been on your table was covered in crumbs and bits and pieces of custard. It is now completely removed and clean as a cupcake appears in front of each one of you. This one is pristine.

It is beautiful with a golden shimmering frosting. A delicate one almost looks like a cherry, but with these iridescent luminous wings that sprout out from the stem that purpose on the very top of it is the most perfect berry, most perfect cherries berry that you've ever seen in your entire life. It almost looks like a carved statue.

You need to eat this thing. I need you to roll a Constitution saving throw. I will not be able to blink these away because my eyelids are peeled open. My eyes are very dry, yet still tears will come down Grico's face as he views this perfect cupcake. It's like it's from a Wes Anderson movie. I need you to roll your Constitution saving though, please.

You bastards, hold on. You gotta charge it out. I take a ten. You realize you can't close your eyes as you fall into the cupcake. Can you please let me describe that there? No, I'll look. I'll let you do. And what did the two of you get?

21. 21. Oh my God. And with that frost, Gideon, you stare at each other as you shovel the cupcake into your mouth. You are able to get it down. Grico, you go to pick it up, but you are almost hypnotized by the beautiful golden, iridescent glittery frosting on top of this thing.

It's so symmetrical. As you feel yourself fall unconscious, your eyelids, however, cannot close. They're glued open. And you fall face first into this cupcake, splattering it across the table. Gideon, Frost, you're covered in Grico's cupcake. As you swallow down yours, the crowd cheers.

As Grico is actually carried away by Hootsie, who takes him up by the scruff of his neck and carries him over next. to crummy. The rest of you, the crowd begins to then settles, everyone looks around. There can only be one winner, but that's the final round. An announcement comes out booming loudly.

There can only be one winner. It will be a final death round. Prepare yourself in one minute time. What do you think of that means? In one minute time, we will have Frost in the blue corner and Gideon in the purple corner. On bread, but they think they poison the cupcakes? It's that death round.

It's just how long we last. It's like that time Grigo was eating in the swamp, all those poison rats. It's just how long they last. And you have one minute to prepare yourself for the final round of this. This is suddenly a lot more like our own carnival. I focus my mind, I attempt to suppress the feeling of extreme fullness, I go deep into myself, and summon my pure will, and I cast resistance on myself.

I belch loudly. And something mechanical, probably. You probably got something. I got some. Indominable. Level three, you got that, right? What is it? What is that?

It's like level seven. Oh, wait. Second wind. I gulch loudly and clear up a little bit of space. My robes are hanging off. I'm all disheveled. You can see my big tiger belly, lolling distended layout.

You don't notice this as you're focused, but... I need that fucking grass. These adorable little little... pixie medics in cute candy striper outfits are administering a healing taffy to all of the people who had undergone the custard comas. And it is during this one minute time that Grico and Kremi are able to come out of their custard coma. And all of the people who had failed in this have now gathered around you. The other picnic tables have been moved out of the way. The female halfling bard is playing a raucous jam.

And she is, it is definitely bird free. Bird what is free. It's the 14 minute version. It is the 14 minute. It is the 14 minute version of Bird What is free. And everybody is in pure suspense as they watch the two of you stretch and work your magics or your mind abilities to be able to overcome

the task that is about to be set in full. front of you as you begin to hear the ticking of a clock. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And in front of you, you were set at separate tables at this point. In front of you, you expect to see you a cupcake appear, but instead the table itself transforms into a cupcake. A cupcake that is taller than Grico. Getting close to around four feet tall, you hear a loud, booming voice. You have one minute to consume the final cake and win the match. It is all or nothing, friends. We'll have one

winner this day or we'll have none. Let the clock count down and you hear the ticking of a clock. I need you both to roll a Constitution saving throw. This isn't fairy cupcake. It's very cupcake. Our

Saining Thursday's ability checks? We're leaving for a one. 14. 14. What did you get, Frost? 24. Frost, you look at this. You focus. You are intelligent.

You deconstruct this cupcake. All right. The hardest part is definitely going to be all of the more dry parts of the cake itself. And if you wait to do that last, it's going to make it much more difficult. But if you consume all of the frosting, or if you consume that first, you might not be able to get to the frosting. However, if you may not be able to get to the frosting. However, if you may, if you make sure to take equal bits frosting and cake in the perfect ratio, it's going to be much easier to get this down.

So unlike Gideon's attempts where he just plows into this thing, you take equal handfuls of this and eat it in the perfect cupcake ratio, and you are able to get down one fifth of this cupcake in the first portion. Gideon, you are able to as well, but you are going to take a D12 worth of damage. Oh, the very cupcake damage. The very, very cupcake damage. This is intense.

It's like a box. It should be one D12. You're just like. No? All right. All right. Yeah, chill out. All right.

You're dead. I'm dead. All right. You're dead on a head. You're, you're conscious now. You're watching this happen. Oh. You were given the taffy tonic and you were able to.

Oh, crumbie. There's crumbs in my eyes. Can you help me? And there is. I got crumbs there on my shirt. There's crumbs in my eyes. You're not going to glue your eyes. Can you help me with that thing that you do?

And I just start snapping at them. I just started, oh. Ah, ha. Oh. Ah! Is that out? Oh, oh, Cleo. Oh, what are the bottle of my stone?

Fuck your way as he's eating cupcakes as he points his hand over. It's more glue weight. Okay, man, it's gonna help you at this point. This happens about once a month. Why do they have a drop a bottle that looks exactly like Cleoerone? Oh, so glued, it's very superfluous. Go, I don't even know who's in, if Kremie, who's in it? Well, I don't even know.

Playboard, what is free? Oh, she already is. Wow, that's a kidding. All right, I need you to roll another Constitution saving throw, please. I'm using the one that was a natural one before. Redeem itself, outstanding. 20. 11. All right, you, as you call out to Grico, that's the glue.

You mix up your radio. and you fill your hand with one that is just way more cake than it should have been. And you feel the dry cake, coat the inside of your throat. It is very, very difficult to swallow. I need you to roll a D12 from you. You're cool. The essence is the best part. Oh, thank God. These bites were calculated, but God's my bad and mad.

I have three hit points list. All right, I need another Constitution saving. Oh, yeah, go. Who's ever winning? Oh, it's 23. You're easy. At this point, you see that there appears to be, you've gone three out of, about three-fifths

of the way through this gigantic cup. This makes me hungry. It's obscure. It is, this is one of the most difficult things that you have ever done, and you have punched a clown to death. That was easy. I was failing an inconvenience. I don't even mean to do that.

It was so easy. It just fell over. I don't even think I connected. I need you to make another Constitution saving. Suddenly we're at the pig farm. Laughing ended. Think like the pig farm. 23.

14. Oh. That's got to be it. You feel as you're making your way through this, that the way that this had been, and baked, it had been placed on the rack unevenly. And you hadn't accounted for that part of the equation. Where you had been pulling the cake from

was the more moist parts of the cake. And now that you're down towards the bottom, it's clearly significantly more dry down here. And you don't have the frosting to counteract how dry the bottom part of this cake is. Oh, ironic, that frost would be without frost. And if only you had a nice glass of milk, or if you'd saved some of the same.

that custard. But you don't. I got a fairy in here. I need you to roll at D12 for me, please. All right, I have a one in six chance of dying or of surviving this. I am dead as a fucking Jordan. Oh, my God, cake explosion.

Oh, death round indeed. And with that, you watch as Frost looks like that meme with all of the mathematical symbols all over the places. He's trying to shovel cake into his head. As all of a sudden his head begins to swirl, you see two bluebirds spinning around his head as he falls over backwards in a custard coma. The crowd goes wild as Gideon, I need you to roll a Constitution saving throat. Now it's just showing off. 17. As you are able to finish the entirety of the giant cupcake. Gidey's already dead. He could stop. a pixie comes over to you and lifts your arm into the air as she hands you a sack of um as she hands you what appears to be or what is a um a paper bag filled with more cupcakes

oh yeah there are because you um the the sack itself is um decorated it says uh fairy cake eating contest winner. And it is decorated in a beautiful gold lettering. And the cakes in there seem to have a magical hue to them. Oh. And instead of just one

cupcake because you were able to eat the gigantic cupcake and you went into the death round, there are four cupcakes in there. Actually five cupcakes in there. Oh, yes. Is this the kind of establishment where you get your photo on the wall when you eat the giant cupcake? Oh, I just

about that. T-shirt. Ask about the T-shirt, do you? Oh, do I also get a nice commemorative t-shirt? Um, sure, and so she flies off and comes back with a fairy-sized t-shirt. Put them on the wall, a very beloglads! I put the t-shirt on, I look like the tooth fairy from fairy godfarin, from fairly odd parents. Yes, it's her right. And have your butter my wings on.

Yeah, I cut spaces in from my wings. And you do see that they have someone come over and paint your pictures. They take it over to the cupboard of cupcake chads and they put your face up there on the cupboard. Cake chain. What an absolute cupcake chad. Well done, Givian.

We all knew it was gonna win. I feel like the king of cakes. But you know, you know, crummy, it's nice in this day and age to just not have my expectations get subverted. You know, it's not a good point. This is nice to have, just, you know, what you expect to happen, some nice, good fun.

Do I have to roll it does saving for you? You do not. One of the candy striper pixies flies over to you and gives you some tapy tonic and you're able to, your health goes back to normal, so you're back to Max health. And you were, you feel that you have done something that is truly, truly impressive. People are whispering about not just you,

Gideon, though your name is the one that spoken of the most, but all of you. The fact that an entire table of people lasted that long was impressive and that it's been they can't even remember when the last time they brought out the

giant cupcakes were. And that it is Mr. Witch and Mr. Light are going to be very happy to have heard what has happened here and the happiness meter goes up by one. Who she did you hear? that your cupcakes for everyone. Uncle Gideon won that for you. Hey, you guys can make that happen, right? I can't back that up.

Gideon. Oh wait. Well fond. Well eat. Yes, I see you have cakes to go. Yeah, I was surprised. I almost ate all of them, but I think they're magical, so I might say. And I will say you do see, your cakes have gotten significantly longer. As you walk, they're clapping together. Oh, it's crazy for you?

No, that's just false. Oh. You notice that there is a small piece of parchment inside your, inside of your cupcake bag, and it tells you essentially what these are. Each one of them functions like a potion of invisibility. You must consume the entire cupcake to gain the benefits, but you'll get the benefits of the portion of invisibility.

There's a five portion of invisibility out of that? Madness. sounds it was supposed to only be one but there was no death round in the book yeah you're so I just invented a death round and figured that well-in-backed that well-in-law that was well done well-done that's fat three right now get are you going to keep track of that in your inventory on D&D beyond so we don't lose track or bar to running it down in my book yeah but I mean you're gonna we're gonna forget about that page ever existed and then we'd be like oh didn't we get those potions I don't know I brought a different notebook this

time I mean you know when is this They're even going to be relevant, probably that we can go invisible. Do you want to put them in my backpack? No, listen, at the end of the day, they're cupcakes. I'll hang on to them. A big fucking backpack. Yeah, well, this is, you know, I'll just hang on to them. Frost.

First of all, I'm sorry you lost. With the second winner. Well, that's also the first losers. You hear loudly over the whatever sound system there is. There can only be a winner here at the first. fairy cup, the fairy cake eating contest, and the next round start soon. I'm pretty sure that the first loser was that fucking

kid. Yeah. What was amateur chuckle fuck? Anyways, um, it seemed it's happened again, Frosty. Oh, oh, you need antidote. One moment. Here, hold your hand out. There, there you go. You just

drop those right into the, no, into the eye. I just put it in your, it's in your hand now. Oh. Oh, why is it like old jelly like? Well, a little custard got in there but I think it'll be fine. It's all I have left. Don't do this again. Or it will be permanent. Do you want, like, maybe a fairy wing in there, too? Is that supposed to be like that?

It's a little crunchy, too. Oh. Am I supposed to put this on my eyes? Yes. I'm in the glues on your eyes, right? Don't, don't do that. I don't know what that's made out of. Mineral spirits and acetone. Now I want to taste it even more, but fine. Ah! We have ours after this?

Yes, we've done this month after month. Oh, that's right. His screams when he does it like an old friend to me now. Oh, I can see again. Welcome back. Thank you. Well, I am extremely full.

We didn't even have lunch. Well, who wants to go on the dragonfly rides? I feel like fast-turning movement is a terrific idea. I always wanted to do the dragonfly rods, even though I'm full with cupcakes. And I am quite actually looking forward to that soggy tuna sandwich that Jerry's bringing out. How close are the dragonfly rides from here?

Well, it's, I mean, we're here, right? We're at the feast and orchard. We all have to do is go right over here to the dragonfly rides. We think we can handle it. Well, I love the sound of dragonfly rides. Do we feel still, like, nauseous and falling? No, the taphy tonic has completely, you actually feel like you could probably eat some more if you wanted to. You're not hungry, but you definitely don't feel full.

I don't plan on eating lunch or dinner tonight. But if getting you're still hungry. You could grab a bite on the way out. Oh, well, we'll see what they have. One turned down now. I gotta say, I'm in the mood for something savory. That's what I was gonna say. I can't do sweets over.

Yeah, no. I'm done with sweets. Some nice mutton. You see that there is, I mean, it's easy to see from here through the trees that along the path there appears to be, there appears to be a stand that sells an assortment of meats. There are pickles on a set. Pickles on a stick, steak on a stick.

Tick on a stick. Oh, that's for you, Grico. Who? Stick on a stick. Stick on a stick. Well, no, is it filled, or is it just kind of empty? The tick filled.

Oh. I'm really feeling a scotch egg though. Oh. Filled with what? You imagine that they have other things you could always ask. Like a little blood poplet, like a cherry tomato. Tick with blood.

I mean, they had to be... And that's actually how it's announced. Tick on a stick with blued. And somebody say blued? I mean, you've got to understand, Krami, that, you know, there's a lot of goblins that work here and also when they're tenders. I mean, this is very common fair at a goblin fair.

I mean, he eats a live rat. I feel like this is the least weird thing he eats. Yeah. It's like, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if they had, if, you know, we could go to the mole here. Go to the, what? You said the mall? Oh, yeah, the mall. It's in the center of the village.

They put, they put like a big mall in the ground, you know, like a hammer. Oh, like a big, heavy, all right. Yeah, and there's all sorts of weird shit that goes on there. Hopefully they don't have it actually. This is a child's going to work. Maybe there's an adult section to the carnival. Ooh, like behind a giant curtain, and then, like, that creepy guy, he smells kind of weird. He's like, huh?

For parents, where they can relax without their kids. Oh. Where do they leave the kids? Just like in the carnival? Yeah, just. When are they going to get up to? Goblins? What are they going to get up to you?

There's no danger here. They don't sell a ball. Besides all the gobbin's walking around. As you walk by a sign that shows missing children. Hmm. Oh, that one's going to be a kid. Oh. Lasting 17 years ago.

And they missed a child, missing every 17 years. Poor. Core. Oh gosh, the name is faded. All right, I want to ride some dragonflies. Me too. I've been wanting to ride the dragon flawed branch for eight years.

Just give me one of every type of meat that you have on a stick, except for the tick, and I'll be on my way. Yeah, sure, if it's what you want. Going to be all on one stick? That's going to be a really big stick. You just slide them all down. Okay. And you watch is this goblin walks towards the back, and this is bordering on the orchard and rips off a branch from one of the trees with an unusual amount of strength and begins to just stick bits of meat on all of the protruding limbs from this branch. You've got pieces of beef. There's pieces of horse. There are pieces of alligator, sorry. Buffalo, bison, basically any meat that.

that you could possibly imagine. And one pickle, but you notice that when they go to get the pickle, completely forgetting that you'd ask for only meat, they open this jar with a label on it. They quickly look around, rip the label off, tuck it into their pocket, and then they pull the pickle out and put it on one of the sticks. And then.

I think they're reselling pre-made pickles. I think it was like Grochie's still pickles they got back there. fucking Vlasic pickles. This is, there's a, there's a very smug-looking stalk over there. All right, well. Why is he so smug as pickles aren't there? I mean, they're good, but they're not that great. Oh, this is all supposed to be like authentic field stuff.

I guess they couldn't get the pickles for many times. It makes me think of the desert. Ooh, a little horse chunk. Excuse me, you more good lad. How are you? today. I'm doing well. How are you? Are you enjoying the carnival? Yes, me and my daughter are enjoying the carnival and our carnival would be made even better if we could enjoy two cornflow. Oh my God, are you the guy that you just won the, whoa! How'd you know that? There's cake chat on your chest.

Was he my monogram tube top? You look so good in the cake chat shirt. Oh, well, you know, it just fits so comfortably. Can I get your all? Autograph. Oh, sure, but I have it for a fan? Yeah, absolutely. Can you write, can you just, can you just write it on me? Uh-huh. Am I, what, are you a child?

Uh-huh. Oh, just writing on this sheet of paper. Oh, okay. Can you, can you write? Yeah, kid? Can you put my name on there? Oh, right. What's, it's just, it's just two kid.

No, it says four kids. kid. Learn to read. I don't teach you that in. It's put you right behind the meat station. T.O. spells two. What?

Where does he? T.O. Have I forgotten how to write? Oh, you put the letter four on there. I know how to make my mark. I know how to make my mark. I thought that part of the four was the T and then that was an O.

It's fine. It's a common mistake with my signature. When you log a special message from the Kate Chad. My name's Duncan. Oh, okay. For Duncan. Yeah.

Oh, bye. You know, I'll read it in some books that there's a land, mystical land in the mist, Barovia, and apparently runs on Duncan, so maybe you could go visit someday. Maybe don't. They harness his life.

It's with a K and not a C. Oh my God, fans. Gideon, you're forgetting the traditional. No, no, no, the D is still there. I put the D. Oh, it's great. Now we're forgetting the traditional Hank who that you normally offer.

That was one time. Hold on, hold, hold, hold on. Can we sidebar? Can we sidebar a little bit? Duncan. While we sidebar, could we get two corn frogs, please? Thank you very much.

Duncan, here you go. You need to go again. Your name on again. I did say Kate Chad for Duncan. That's not your name. I'm gonna cherish this forever. I can't wait to tell my mom. Oh, yeah.

I tried to compete last year, but I passed out in round two. Yeah, same. Listen, you just keep eating cake, Duncan. You keep eating cake as much as you can. I wish you were my dad. Well. That's a weird thing to say. My dad's dead.

Oh, no. Anyway. Anyway, how are you gone from? That's what my mom said, but she actually just kicked him out. He lives down the road. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, like over by the gondola rides.

Yeah. Oh. Oh, like in the car. He's like a squatter? No. He's one of the witchlight hands. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. Oh, that's how you... You know, it's very strange. I thought you were in a dog, now... Now, I apologize. I'll still have two corn frogs, please. Speaking of which light hands, can you put yours to the meat? Who's your going to do with fraud?

Can I get one of what frosty got times two? Is that possible? All right, and you see that he chugs a quick potion and he walks over to one of the trees. And you see the tree has regrown those branches. He rips off the same branch with that unusual strength and begins to pile it with a bunch of different meats. And once again, he opens that jar now with the label gone.

You could still see the splotches of glue where the label had been, the sovereign glue that had held it on there, as he pulls out a pickle and sticks one and then two on there for you. In the meantime, you hear the popping, sizzling sounds of the corn pop. Corn frogs. Corn frogs, which are these spayed out frogs

that have been battered in corn flour and have been stuck into a bat of bubbling oil. And then he realized, oh, you want to pop up? not fried? No, I'm gonna fry, no, fly, both of these. Oh, great, because I started frying them. And he grabs them and some of the oil drips down and burns his hands his hands, and he drops one on the ground.

He just picks it up, dust it off, and hands it to you. Don't worry about that. Hootty, that'll be yours. You don't care either way. You eat off of the ground, very animaly. Oh, look, it's a cute. I'll treat my daughter very well. I'll treat us.

My mom always says she wishes she'd had a daughter. Oh. How often does she say that? Duncan. Every morning when I get up and she looks at me, she said, wake up, I wish I had a daughter. Can we get away from this to present here? Let's go right in the dragon toilet. Well, Duncan, how many sauces do you have? We don't need sauces. I mean, this is a little try, I mean.

Have you ever had a corn frog without sauces? Just take the hot mustard and let's get the fuck out of here. I'm gonna nail with my options, though. Frosty, why are you rushing me? What have a nice day at the carnival? I'm done with my stick. All right, sauces. What do you got?

How many sauces? We've got quite a few sauces. We've got a chili pepper sauce. We've got a habanero ketchup. We've got a habanero ranch. We have a buttermilk ranch. We have a honey milk ranch. We have a sweet and sour.

We have sweet and sour mustard. We have sweet and sour honey. We have sweet and sour ketchup. Okay. We have sweet and sour ketchup. Okay. We have sweet and sour ranch. Okay.

We have saracha. We don't know where it comes from, but it's in this cool, red, a bottle with a chicken on it. Okay. Some people say it's a rooster, but I'm pretty sure it's a chicken. Okay. Looks more like a duck to me. Huh? Okay.

Nothing. Oh. Okay. Oh, you want to know the rest of them? We have a soy sauce. Okay. We have a berry sauce. Okay.

We have a mango compote. Okay. We have a pico de gallo. Okay. There's not really a sauce. It's more like a salsa. And speaking of salsa, we have a, we have a salsa verde. Okay.

A salsa. We have a mild, medium, and hot. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We have regular mustard. Okay. We got yellow mustard. Okay. Dejan mustard.

Okay. Hot mustard. Okay. Cajun mustard. Okay. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. And you see as he grabs it,

and you see the old bay is scratched out and it's his ancient estuary mustard. The hour marker goes up one. They changed the name recently. This one sauce. We have maple syrup. All right. Oh.

We have blueberry compote. Okay. I think you already said that. No, no. We had mango compote. Okay. We have raspberry jam. Is there maybe a sauce?

We have raspberry jelly. You enjoy it. You could add just that. No, what? Everything is available to me. We have malt vinegar. Okay. Red wine vinegar.

Okay. Apple cider vinegar. Okay. Balsamic vinegarette. Okay. Italian dressing. Okay. Thousand Is it.

Okay. Caesar dressing. Okay. Do you have French dressing? No. We're all out. You all in French dressing? Yeah.

Oh, that's what I wanted. Look at me. This kid, it's depressing. Please leave. Nothing, kid. You're going to have front dress. Let's get out. Okay, off too.

We're going to go raise some dragonflies. Sorry about your depressing life. Yeah, it was nice meeting you. I've never been able to ride one of the dragonflies. Have fun. You're going to go enjoy that now. You can live our carelessly for our own adventures. I'll just be here serving people meat on a stick.

Oh shit. One of the ticks popped. Oh, I got blood all over my way. Oh, it's our worst friend, sickly said. Oh, it's our worst friend Duncan. What a buzz cute. All I wanted was to open my own donut junk. Well, do you make good donuts?

No, God, please, no. Please. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh.

You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, minatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. We're walking away from the saddest child in the world. You're walking away from Duncan,

and you're making your way towards the dragon fly rides? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm so excited. I've been wanting to go on these dragon fly rides for eight years. I always heard him, and I mean, how did they get him so big? I've never seen this. It's got to be special Fawad.

I'm going to ask the handlers every question. I hope you don't mind. That's fine. Was it just me or was that kid very depressing? I mean, yeah, he was a depressing kid. I mean, I'm starting to wonder if any of this is actually related to the Faywild. If they're just, you know, if they're just trying to sail us to the Faywild and it's all just, you know, tricks.

That's seem a little weird. I feel like a couple of the people we've talked to now have really turned out to not be enjoying their time here. I guess we did talk to a centaur that was cursed and we had a, uh, uh, a, magical a table turn into a giant cupcake. Cremie, are you sure you're not projecting the fact that our carnival was a bunch of tricks and was a sham? That you think that this carnival is tricks

and a bunch of shams? No, Ricko, I don't know why you would even bring that up. I don't know why you would go there. Of course that's not why I bring it up. That kid was just a fucking downer. I mean, I don't know, I expected the Faywild to be a little more pleasant and happy, right? Like, you know, like bubble gun.

and sprinkles. Perhaps we've just had a couple exceptions to the rule, and the rest of this will feel very fey wild. But I feel bad for Duncan. That's what happens when you dump Khan. What? When you dumped Constitution, he couldn't complete the cake-eating contest. Oh.

I mean, con should never be a dumpstack. Exactly my point. That's probably why his daughter is. His mother's disappointed. He really sucks at building character. He's not much of a pro-gamer, is he? Yeah, yeah. I think he's failed to always be a...

What he called it was like a companion? That... Isn't there an alternate rules for a hired company? Anyway. Dragonflies. Wow. Very nice. You see like unicorns.

You make your way to dragonfly rides. Huge lilypads rest on the surface of a pool, glistening with phosphorescent algae. Giant dragonflies use the lily pads as landing platforms, buzzing loudly overhead with wings as brilliant as stained glass windows, and alighting briefly to drop off and pick up excited passengers. Near the entrance,

a smiling tree turns your way and beckons you over. A red squirrel clings to its leafy canopy, peering at you with glee. This is a tree and a squirrel that you have seen before. We got a seized to catch? The tree beckons you over.

That was a squirrel? What do you mean that was a squirrel? I totally missed that when we played the last session. I thought it was like a little, little gnome or something. You're talking to Mikey talking. I don't know.

I don't know. My grip on reality is stopping afraid. Who's Mikey? Oh my god, there's a man in the sky. This is the devil of this who? Yeah. You can see us pointing up from the map. It's like Osra's wrath.

No, it was a little red squirrel. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, I was thinking a lot about chakoules. Yeah, I think his name was red. Do you're talking to the squirrel? I approached and I stepped on Gideon's line. Ah, I didn't say anything of whatever. But I'll say it again.

I think his name was red. Oh, red. Yeah, my name was red. Wow, nice to you, red. Hi, it's nice to see you again. Great to see you. Are you handing that prizes again? He's rushing like all over this tree, going everywhere.

Nope, don't have any more seeds. We're done with a one hour, with a one hour welcome guest. So now we're just hanging out. here by the Dragonfly rides and everyone's going up and down the dragonfly rides and there lily pads everywhere and it's been so much fun and everybody's laughing and only cost one ticket so if you decide you want to ride it'd be really great you can just go over there and give you your one ticket and you can fly on a dragon's line you can go all over the place and then you hear

hey Redd calm down man do you that serious as the tree starts to talk to you I remember the name of the tree I don't know if I never he never told you he was too busy throwing out of scenes oh did you just spoke red why don't you take a nap bro just chill Wow. You're harsh in my vibe. Oh. Is there any kind of like liquor around that we could get your friend to sort of sell them down? Nah, you don't want to give Red any liquor.

He's already worked up. How much coffee has he had? Doesn't stop drinking it, man. No. Do you need some coffee? Nah, I'm feeling pretty great. You look a little sleepy. I'm always sleepy.

That one hour of the welcome party, man, it gets me. You guys done for the rest of the night? We hang out here and just make sure everything's going all right with the dragonfly rides. Oh. Well, is there a lot of oversight on the dragonfly rides? What do you mean? Like, is it, I mean, is it dangerous? Nah.

How could it be dangerous, Gideon, it's beautiful, harmless, gigantic monsters of dragonflies? Yeah, totally doing this guy, son. You fly through the air a little bit. I mean, you get, you know, you come significantly off the ground. there will be any protective bubbles to keep us suspended. Now, if you want a protective bubble, you've got to go over the teapops. Have we known each other for years and all didn't know you had a fear of heights? Oh, fear of heights, all right?

I'm just saying, you know, I have a fear of falling from heights. So how are you guys liking the carnival so far? He'd done a lot of cool stuff. Ha! Look at you! I see you've noticed. You're a cupcake chest. Well, if you want my signature.

sure. You know, I know that this cupcake's got two cherries on top. I don't need

your signature, bro. It's got two cherries on top. Congratulations, though, friend, that's pretty

rad. Yeah, it was pretty great. Rossi put up one hell of a well,

well, he participated. Hey, but of a fight. Hey, you know what they say? There can only

be one winner at the cupcake, or at the fairy cake. eating contest. Everybody knows. And our two beefiest boys

gave the best showing that this carnival was eating quite a while, it would all might say. I believe it. It was mined over a cupcake. Until he passed out. Yeah, then it was stomach over cupcake.

And I won. I'm not really supposed to talk about this, but there's nothing Mr. Light likes more than a sea of smiling faces. The carnival's happy, he's happy. So, looks like you've done the carnival of service, friends. Oh.

I was just going to ask if you have any one of those weird, wild favors we could do for you. And you hear Red go, you're not supposed to talk about that stuff. You know that. You're not supposed to tell anybody anything. Why do you always do this? You get so relaxed.

They just tell everybody everything. Red, man, you've got to chill. You're giving me a headache, bro. Would it give you a headache of, Red sang his very charming song from last time. Yeah, he was singing it like the past two hours. They just got him to stop. Why don't we start again, Red?

Can he at least sing a different song? Okay, yeah, I would just like a song. I haven't heard any song. I'm blacked out from most of Birdwood is free and I'm very disappointed. Give him something to sing about. Why put him on the spot, yeah? What about a, you know, a bird that needs to be free?

Red, you want to sing a song about a bird? Oh, yeah, play Bird What is Free! Red doesn't know that song. Oh. Can Red write a song about a bird what is free? Well, yeah, I don't mean like that one. I mean a different one. Oh.

About the same thing. Red, what do you think? Yeah, okay, I could totally write a song about that. Yeah, if you want me, I write a song right now. You want me sing it right now? Should we just do it right now? Does anyone only play an instrument or something? Like, oh, does anyone dance?

Like, oh, are you a bard? No, we're not ball. No, we're not bars, but we all performers by trade. I do play a little something here and a air. A little flute action. Coz is a great dancer. Yeah, I can totally do this. I can totally do this.

I'll play a mean flute. I have a bell. You want to ring it while I perform the song? Frost is our tambourine player. Okay. All right. Yeah, give me a beat, Frost. Bird was free in the blue sky,

and he flew around. He was a cool guy and he was really free. I'm not really feeling anything, jazzy. It's in the genre. It says in the genre. I was really faking. I thought that was pretty good. I don't know.

I really. Are you not a fan of scat improv? No. From the top of his head. I couldn't have made a single one of those things rhyme. Oh, it was very nice rhyme, man. That was real good, Rand. I'm just gonna just gonna go inside

of Night One Hero. I'll see you guys later by and he runs into his little knot hole and you see a small tear trickle down his face as he like rushes in. I'm sorry, Redd. No, no, no. Who was? You see as he closes the little one. Can I at least give you a goal piece for that performance? Why would you ask him to do a song if you're just gonna harsh his vibe, bruh? Yeah, I mean, that was very nice, Ricko. I didn't know you didn't like jazz so much.

Oh, you have to understand, it's about the notes that they don't play. Oh, oh. Every minute in Agway was torture. I can't believe you just said that. I'm sorry, Kremi. You know, that hurts my feelings. Oh, no. You know, I'm from Agway, right?

I know. You know, I love jazz. I love the food, but it's just jazz everywhere. You know my whole thing? Like, when I do my thing, I know. It's very a jazz place. And then horrible things happen to people we want horrible things to happen to. That's right.

Alright, so Gideon doesn't like hypes and Brickno doesn't like that. Now, take out those 500 gold pieces and give me three of them. Oh, yeah. I have 500 gold pieces around a year. Off a complete. That we forgot about that. Last time. Yeah.

This is what we get. Instead of you making a horrible Eldridge pack with the fairy at the door. This is what we get when we let the goblin care of the gold. Oh, here you go, boss. Give me that. Okay. And I'm gonna get it, take three gold pieces and I'll say, you know, when Red's out of his little tree hutch or whatever you call.

Can you give these to him? Yeah, sure, just go ahead and put them on my leaves over there. You know, you gotta tip your street musicians. Oh! And if he's a squirrel and locks nuts, I actually snagged this pistachio that I couldn't open. Yeah. But given that he is a squirrel,

I thought he might be able to do it. Hopefully, he still considers this a nut, even though technically, I believe it's a fruit seed. seat. But, you know, it kind of looks like a You're a really long-winded friend. Yeah, no, that's kind of my whole thing. Cool. Three coins.

I like that about you a lot. Yeah, you know, I'm told that I have my mom always said, Grico, you have a nice person now. Since we're telling each other things no one cares about, you want to hear something I know about. Oh, is it the wisdom of the trees? Well, I'm really not supposed to talk about this, but...

Oh, yeah, yeah, continue, continue. The Carnival can't run without Mr. Witch's pocket watch. I hope he never loses that thing. Did we just encounter random NPC dialogue? We're not the specific... I told you about the Carnival? Maradrum. If you gotta do it, make it fun.

Are you applying... Sure is dark times these days. I hope the king doesn't come ill. Sure is dark time these days. Sure the king doesn't come in a while. Listen. Sure is dark time. Hey, listen.

Hey, you know, that's an interesting thing that you just brought up. Are you sort of implying something? I really like it here at the carnival. You know, I'm really not about. You know, I'm really not supposed to talk about this, but... Yeah, go on. Mr. Witch and Mr. Light aren't the carnival's original owners, you know? Oh, you're not even from the Faywild.

Oh, that seems a little... But, you know, it doesn't matter an inch to me. We're all one big happy family here. Folks advertising on site. So you're saying is that if he happens to misplace this pocketwalk, the whole Convo shuts down? Can't run without that pocket watch. So what happens?

Like it closes or like pauses? If he would have lose it. Or does it shift ownership? Like to, you know. I don't know, man. I just know that if he doesn't have his pocket watch, the whole place goes to the dog. How did you come by this knowledge?

Is this a rumor or has the pocket watch been lost in Carnival's past? That's actually a good question. Grimmie. I think if he loses pocket watch, She gets the accountant that you found. What are you trying to say? I'm trying to say, isn't that why we had to close because you hired that shady accountant

who was very budget, low budget? Look, just because our accountant, Colin was embezzling gold, which led me not to be able to cover payroll, which sent a whole bunch of pissed off Connie's after us. You know, do you have to bring that up every time? The parallels are quite remarkable, actually.

Mr. Witch and Lainte, Mr. Witch losing his pocket watch and you losing your pocket book. Oh. Oh, it's like pottery and rhymes. It is a pottery. Wait, why is pottery rhyme? Pottery or wrong? I mean, poetry rhymes.

Oh. Ah. Oh. Pottery rhyme. I mean, he doesn't appreciate poetry. That's metaphysical. No, he doesn't appreciate Reds, smooth, scat jazz. Wait, his name was Colin?

Yeah, his name was Colin. Oh, I called him Randall the whole time. Maybe that's why he embezzled so much money. I doubt it. Oh. You guys want to ride one of the dragons? Yes, please. We love dragon flowers.

I don't even shape like unicorns. Or at least I didn't even have like horns, sort of, maybe even like proboscis. The kind of look like a horn. Anything vaguely unicorn related. You mean like a skater? Oh, like a mosquito, yes. Yeah, like a big old skeeter.

Absolutely right. Nah. Okay, well, thanks for mentioning it, I guess. That makes that. I'm sorry that there are no unicorn-shaped dragon flight, but I know. What would that look like? I guess there would just be a unicorn or not as good.

Yeah, or just be a flying unicorn with wings. Well, I can punch your tickets. It's going to be one punch for one ride. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Mr. He reaches out with one of his hands and he punches each one of your tickets,

make sure you mark off on your ticket that it was punched. I have three punches. Yeah, just hop on over to the lily pads and a dragonfly will pick you up. Yeah, I get it, that's funny. You what? To hop onto a lily pad gives me frog imagery.

Oh, I didn't even mean to do that. Yeah, you're great. What's your name? Oh, North Wind. North Wind. Oh, I thought it was Nightwings. North Wind, my name is Morning Frost. You can just call me Frost.

It's a pleasure to meet up. uh animated tree such as you can just call me north or wind uh i'll north wind n w is pretty cool n w is cool oh that is pretty cool yeah oh i want to start going by n w then i'd be tempted to call you north west oh there was a week when he called the mf every day when the north wind comes from the northwest wait even frost he got so upset i'm like hi mf please stop calling me no remember remember when i had that phase when i I was trying to be cool to relate to my adolescent daughter, and I kept doing this.

I was just going to say. And I'm like, hey, M.F. How's it hanging? What do you want to do a little rap about why you should listen to your parents and clean your room? It's been years, but I want you to know that those sunglasses you have during that week. I stole them and I broke them because I was tired of being called M.F. What? You said that they went to the form. Yes, I know. I said that, but it's time for the truth to come out.

I was just said. You know, MF sounds horrible. What, it's so cool. I'd rather you call me Frosty. Well, I'll call you Frosty like 10 times a day or like 500 times a day. I know, my name is Frost. Frosty, it's just one letter difference. MF means motherfucker, dear.

What also means morning Frost. Maybe that makes you a bad MF. Maybe that Frosty's a bad MF. That's his reputation on the street at least. What makes you think that crossing your arms and, you know, bending your torso of 45 degrees makes you, like, cool and relatable children? I don't know. I saw, like, a strange mouse man doing it.

At a child's casino. I saw a rat man in a child's casino. I saw a rat man in a child's casino, and the kids seemed to be present. Let me do that. They seem to be present, so I thought, I may as well learn parenting tips from the rat at the child's casino. To relate to your youthful owlbear.

Yes, more youthful owl bear. To hold a pumpkin very nicely, Hootie, you're doing such a great job keeping it balanced on your head. I'm not supposed to talk about this. No, please continue. But since we're talking about kids, have you ever seen that major image with like those weird, weird fluffy things

with like portraits on their stomach and there's like a laughing baby in the sun. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know, man. Do you want to ride on the dragonflies? Yeah, let's go away with that right away. I just need to punch your tickets. You already did.

He kinda reminds me of, I don't remember punching on your tickets. I mean, I got three punches, This is the third thing I've done. Roll a roll a persuasion check. That I can do. At advantage because you're not lying. Well, it's persuasion out of the way, yeah.

But out of the way, that's pretty good. That's, uh, oh, my nice. 25. Poff is done. All right. Yeah, all right. You just hop on over to one of those lily pads, and the dragonflies will pick you up.

All right, let's go. Lily pad time. See you later. Goodbye, NW. Okay. See you later, Emma. Oh. I do that.

We should have to have the other than events. With that, you make your way over towards the lily pads. You see that these dragonflies, there are eight giant dragonflies, which are flying their riders around in a lazy figure eight around the carnival's thoroughfare. They fly at roughly about 20 feet, and people are harnessed into them, and everyone seems to be having a really good time. As you make your way over, you step onto one of the lily pads and one of these beautiful dragonflies flies down. Their wings catch the light and you can see how it shifts and reflects

off of the stained glass-like nature of their wings. And so anyone who would like to ride a dragon fly, I need you to make an animal handling check to see how well you're able to get onto the dragonfly and maneuver it. Come to me, more dragon flower, friend. Oh, very cool. I'm going to twist it. Oh, I also would like a twist. I've forgotten about that.

Yes, much better. I'm not gonna waste it. Ben really? Yes, that is a trogd door. We are using trod door as our party to determine where we are. I said consummate. Burn and 18, the consenside.

Do I still have zero each? Burn and 18. No. Maxi took you back up to Macsay. Yeah. I love my dragonfly. I got a 14. It reminds me of the spaceship

from the 1996 German television show Lex. Does anyone remember Lex? Who's seen Lex? Frosty, are you okay? You were. Beuler. Clear on.

I hop on with a 14. Perfect. You do hop on with a 14. And you actually feel like you have some control over this dragonfly that, for most of the people who are riding them, they're just going in that lazy figure eight.

They are at the whim of the dragonfly itself. But this dragonfly is responding to you favorably, and you feel like you could actually fly it wherever you wanted to around this carnival. Oh, my goodness. That's a lot of power. I'll think about that, but I'll start off with the eight. I got a 13.

Okay. 16. 24. All of you are able to control your dragonfly. It was a DC-12. She's a beauty. Very close, Shremes. You look at your cartonis, carapist. Oh, anyone who used a twist, please roll on the table.

And you're multifaceted eyes. Oh, gosh, you are beautiful, ain't you? I'm feeling very 84y. Eighty-four-y. This sound like Kingdom Hearts music a little bit to anybody else. All water tastes oily, including your saliva. Oh no. The headache's gonna go.

Did anyone else use it to us? 12. 12. Fucking Derek and his face shit. His fiction. Key you podcast listeners, Derek is smacking his lips and looking repulse at the oily saliva in his mouth.

You are physically incapable of looking anyone directly in the eyes. Are in front of dragonflies a huge giant, fucking set of eyes? Yes. You have beautiful eyes. Sorry, I'm just a little shy. I'll leap on. Oh, you're a beaut.

Oh, wow. And you jump on and you begin to. Does anybody else's dragonfly feel mechanically fresh? I don't know what that means. What? It's like something, they treat these dragonflies with some kind of, there's something going on with the, they're like oily. You feeling all right?

Oh, I think that's just a little leftover butter from the cupcakes. I got a little bit of that in my mouth. There is an oil when they shed their previous carapest, their previous shell and regrow. Perhaps it's one just recently shed and some splashed up into your mouth. It must be it. Yeah, it's probably live.

Let us know if you start smelling burnt feathers or anything like that. Why would you have a red feather? You have a water scheme on your, on your hip that you imagine, you know, a gulp of water might help to clear some of that away if it really is. It tastes like

it tastes like vegetable oil as he just chuck it down. Something's happened. There's no explanation for this. Waits in logic now, Fras! There's a farewell carnival. There's any logic. It's just chaos in my mouth.

Sorry, I'm a little shy. I think I can pilot this thing outside of the figure eight. Maybe coasting around the circumference of the perimeter of the carnival will help cement in my mind the various locations that we could potentially go to after this. Coming over the whole carnival or just like this one little section. I don't see any restrictions and I feel... Frosty! It just slides down your throat like pure olive oil. What is going on with these dragonflies?

Don't talk you to dragon flaws. I'm gonna try it... It's not their fault. And then I'm gonna get off of this thing very quickly. You're gonna fail to challenge and lose the tickets. Is there a challenge? I just want to get off of dragonflies. Wild Ride. Dragon floors wild rug never ends, frosting.

So you're flying it around right now. You're all just kind of figurating together. Yeah, we're figurating together. We're shouting out, isn't it's fun? Gideon, how are you doing? I just wish I wouldn't go so fast. Gideon's is going very, very, very slow. I mean, just what do they feed these things?

I'm going to. fly down. Am I able to fully control? I'm going to fly down and then I'll look up and I'll see Gideon and then I'm going to pull a fucking maverick from Top Gun and just fly up to try to startle Gideon just directly up. Between us we're fine. Yeah, between both of you and I don't see him on the left or the right. Grammy, what do you think?

What do you think? I have you alive. Who are you having said, I'm sorry, you cancel. Have you both rolled dexterity saving throws to see if you can remain on your dragonfly? I'm holding on with one hand because I'm holding on my hat with the other. Of course.

Oh, pretty good actually. Same, same. Bailin inconvenience. That is a 23. You are easily able to stay on top of your dragonflies. As you let out a loud whoop and a yell, You all laugh. And then you hear it.

The screams and shouts from down below, your attention is turned back to the lily pads that you had just taken off from as what appears to be a middle-aged dwarf as being thrown this way and that by a dragonfly that has gone rogue. He was not fully strapped in. As the dragonfly started to take off,

the dwarf's head hits the back of a stump. And you see that he's dangling there, screaming. Everybody's panicking. No one knows what to do. The couple of handlers that were there are calling out trying to calm the dragonfly, but none of it's working. It's absolute chaos down at the base. And you see as Northwind slowly shambles over, you hear his loud voice. Yo, bro, chill out. It has no effect. I'm going to attempt to, I'll say pull up, pull up, as I'm going to v-v-v-attempts to try to dive bomb and get fly around to the dragonfly.

Grigo, see if you can do something about the dragonfly. I'll see if I can save the dwarf man. Oh, yeah, you saved the dwarf man. I'm going to make sure this dragonfly doesn't burn up the whole place. Yeah, I'm coming. In case they have ironic firebread. Give it dragonflies. It's like, fly.

You really are a hoot-sy, a hoot. And that was nice. I'll be behind the beat behind Grico, and I'm going to see if I can spot where the dwarf has fallen and see if I can get... He is attached by just one of his legs to the harness, and he's dangling beneath the dragonfly. As it flies around erratically,

he is being pulled through the treetops. He's getting scraped up. He's screaming and wailing for help, and no one seems to be able to help him. The rest of the dragonflies that were not being ridden at the time seems skittish, and some of the guards are trying

to jump on them to fly up and help, but they won't allow themselves to be mounted. The ones that are in the air are very relaxed outside of the ones that you're on, and they're just flying in their figure eight pattern. I'm going to try to get underneath and as close to the dwarf who's swinging around as possible. If I can get between the bottom of the dragonfly

while Grico does whatever he does, and the dwarf hanging man, I get 30 feet away from the rope. I'm going to grasp the rope with my mind's eye as my invisible naked. hand attempts to still the shaking so that I can get even closer and perhaps retrieve the dwarf from his position. I would say roll acrobatics to attempt to do this and you can do it at advantage because you are using your mage hand.

Grico you were flying in front of the dragonfly to try and stop it. Yes. And what are the two of you doing? And and roll an animal handling check to see if you can get it to listen to your command. Oh it's okay. We're gonna get you some Nice water lilies and pond weeds and lotus flowers and ewegrass and it's, oh, I'm going to twist. It's okay. It's so good. Much better, much better. All right, roll a D-100 for me, please. Oh, fuck. Oh, I have a question. Yes.

What does the dwarf sound like? Like, what is he saying during all of this? Holy fucking shit, God damn it. Oh, fuck out. Put out, out. I should have stayed home today. Fuck. God damn fucking carbon This piece of shit Quick-ass dragon fly ride

They said to be fuck out Should have been a field trip chaperon Am you dunkin You know, Gid Agway dwarf Just kind of hit their friend You know what I mean? I sure do I spun my dice

But I got a 15 plus 4 As a 19 Okay 73 for me Who is Gricko In case anyone Forgot You gain the beauty of the gods

As long as you view yourself in a mirror. Otherwise, your beauty will corrupt into necrotic horror. If everyone else, he's a necrotic horror right now? He has a very limited amount of time to look into a mirror before he turns into a necrotic horror. Surely there's a reflective surface on the water. Oh. Oh, I can't look at myself on two beautiful.

So yes, inevitably, in a very short amount of time, he will turn into an Oh no. Am I a bichon-bechernan pretty boy that's also shy and approachable? Soon, thousands of teenage girls will be writing about how I have an irresistible attraction towards my companion. Come down, sweet little dragonfly. I'm going to call you Flitter. What did you fall on your animal handling? Oh, I got a 24. Oh, you are, it seems almost, it seems almost entranced by your beauty

and your voice as it does actually slow down. Please don't be that thing with your lips. Oh, that's my favorite one. For you podcasters at home, Monkey is making a handsome Squidward face. If you don't know what that is, Google it. And you are able to, as this is happening, you are able to grab onto and unhook the dwarf and pull him onto your dragonfly.

Stop swearing and wriggling around. Jesus, holy fumble. And he falls unconscious. Passed out. You guys got this? I'm just trying to make sure my hat doesn't fly away. Thank you for your help. I'm still coming.

Is he okay? I'm very slowly turning my dragon fly. Now, now, Flitter, let's get you some baby pond weed. I mean, if you want to. I'm going into land. I'm going to attempt to land my dragonfly. You are easily able to land your dragonfly. some more of the

candy strike pixies rush over to the dwarf and they carry him away it is right about this time that North Wind has finally made it over to the lily padds Whoa I thought that guy was gonna die

North Wind you need to be more awakened tree on the spot when these things happen there clearly it was a stretch of period time there where someone could have done it, yes. Yeah, if it hadn't been for you guys, he would have been toast. Oh, man.

Anybody want some toast? I'm hungry. Toast does sound good. You got any ice cream, bro? Let me toast. Get this taste out of my mouth. There's some sort of, like, oil that they use on the dragonflies as soon as...

Nah, bra. I taste canola. God, that sounds good. That isn't. Craven some canola. Sweet jug, canola. Oh, hey, Grico, God, you look really ugly, bro. And you look over and you, see that Grico has slowly started to meld

into an Eldritch horror. His fingers are elongating into wigglies and to tentacles. He has eyes. He has eyes popping up all over his face. His lips have additional lips on them. Oh, that was the one, maybe. You should come down here. Grico looks very sick.

I actually don't think he looks like a difference. I want to get my money for her. Said poor said she loved me for my personality. I'm sure she would still like me now. I'm sure she meant that. It might have been in a chronic horror, but this is what I went with. I went with Eldra Tor because it's more fun. Oh, God, he's never like that.

Can anyone else taste infinity right now? Is that what you're talking about, Frosty? And you're listening to him, but his mouth is completely sealed shut. However, the mouth that has appeared on his ear, that's the one that's stopping you. Oh, is that starfish? Oh, I'm going to be sick. Oh, it's two starfish. You're starting to really Cronenberg out.

Are you sure you don't need medical attention right away? Right away, Gricko. Oh, you guys are all worms. I'll see you past prison and future all the same time. Time is a flat circle. North wind. It's right about this time that a candy stripe pixie rushes over, finds one of your many mouths.

Actually, the mouth in your ear and forces tonic taffy into your mouth. Do you have bento boxes? You have bento boxes on Watasi's favorite. Become tentacle chair. Tenticle Chad, eat the duck, he moths. Hey, Pixie, can we get one of those tiny shirts that says Tenticle Chad on that?

Yeah, sure, I guess, and she flies off and brings back an even smaller shirt. This is Tenticle Chad. Yeah, underneath it says, oh my, moshindery. We got you a souvenir. Free souvenir. Well done with the dragon food.

Oh, thank you very much. Are you feeling all right? Very nice. Yeah, thanks a lot for that. That would not have gone over well. I probably shouldn't say this, but I don't think Mr. Witch or Mr. Light would have been happy if someone died.

Yeah, I mean, there were no restraints on these dragonflies. There totally were. What kind of safety standards do y'all have this? Carnival. Do you even have liability insurance? Whoa, bro, your big words are like lawyers speak. I'm just a carnie, bra. Wait, do we have liability insurance? Well, everybody's...

Wait, I don't know. We had liability insurance. Oh, wait, crumb me, you said insurance was for suckers. No, Ricker, what I said was paying for insurance. Oh, do one of you guys have a sucker? I'm like, really hot. hungry. What?

Like a lollipop. Because you purse your lips when you eat it. You call it a sucker, bro. Yeah, yeah. Come on, MF. Do you think that Mr. Witch or Mr. Light has ever heard of the occupational safety and health administration? I don't even know what you're saying to me right now, bro.

Okay. Is there like a shortened version of that or something? I don't think so. You have to say that whole thing every time. Yeah. Oh, the occupational, like, something or what. Yeah, it's the ocean safety and health. Yeah, no.

If I see him walking around, I'll ask. But no, seriously, like, you totally did me a solid. What was, what, what happened? Was the dwarf antagonizing these beautiful places? No, a dwarf was just trying to get up on top of that dragonfly. See, a live? And then all of a sudden, I sure hope so. Then all of a sudden, like, I heard this weird whispering come from the bushes over there.

No one else seemed to hear or whatever. And then the dragonfly just started going crazy, man. Hey, wait, can you just give that dwarf one of those taffies? Or you're just going to let them bleed out of his skull? No, I'm sure the pixies have got it covered. One of the pixies hangs a poster that says missing dwarfs. Wait, hold on. Which bush?

Yeah, the one that's, like, directly behind the dragonflies. That bush out of that. Yeah. Because hey! But I'm gonna shoot an Elgris blast in the bush. Oh my god. You do in the bush completely blasts away. You watch as North Wind follows, like you shoot the Eldridge Blast.

It's like, whoa. Whoa. I don't know, I'm somehow tracking ahead in all of this madness, but I can see you let your... No, the TANFee cured your stuff. No, doesn't he, isn't he just such? tree or is he a tree? No, he's a tree. He's a tree. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're, you're, you see kind of like

a mottled face, but it's not like a triant. Actually, maybe he is a triant. I don't know. He's just whatever I imagine him to be right now. Right, go. Whatever you picture. Yeah, he's got a face. He's got a face because he uses his hands, his fingers and stuff. Oh, that's right. That's right. Okay. Okay. Well, okay.

Now go and enjoy some, some pond weeds, some baby pondweed, like I promise, and the lilies and the lolluses, and you'll have a very lovely time. You take some rest. No more, no more, uh, uh, brought us for today. The dragonfly pukes all over you and then... Oh, gosh.

I'm just kidding. It doesn't. It doesn't. It seems to calm down with your animal handling and you. It does a strange, like, almost whistly vibrating coup as it slowly nestles down onto the lily pad and falls asleep. Oh, look at the beautiful scene on that carapace. Oh, absolutely just marvelous. This is a mirror.

nature. Dude, why are you blasting away at the foliage, bra? What are those leaves ever do to you? You said to yourself. I suspect. It's not like those leaves are whispering shit. Stop talking for a second, alright? I mean, like, what did it do, man?

I suspect sabotage. I need you to roll a perception check. Suddenly I'm feeling intrigue. I don't want to twist it. I want a tongue to twist it. Can I get some of that taffy? I have this very strange sensation in my mouth, and I don't care for it.

Oh, we're all out of taffy. You're out of taffy? Have you heard of the occupational safety and health administration? No, you do ask for it, and a candy striper pixie comes over and passes you a piece of taffy, and you begin to chew on it,

and it tastes like you're chewing on a wad of Crisco. 17 for my roll and 9 for the RP prompt. But as you eat it, you do feel the oil begin to wash away out of your mouth. You got a 9 for your RP prompt? Yeah, 17 on the roll, 9 for the RP prompt. It's a good number. And I can re-roll it if you need me to. That's like three threes.

Yeah, please roll again. That is a 98. It's pretty hot. I think that's a bad one too. We've got to redo this. Just like pick a cool one that's close. Or I could re-roll, whatever you want. You are insatiably hungry.

Oh, fuck. And you eat and drink messily and noisily. Hold on. What's in that bush? It's a berry bush. It appears to be a cherry berry bush. But not a cherries berry's bush. A cherry berry bush, which is meaningfully important and distinctly unique from a cherries berry bush.

It tastes like less. It looks like less now. And as you've blown it away, you realize that as the berries popped, they created a viscous like jam all over the leaves. And that is when you notice with that roll that sticking to those leaves appears to be four or five black feathers.

Wait, hold on it. See that? See that jam? You just made? Well, I mean, yeah, the jam, but also, ooh, jam. And I'm going to walk over. Oh, that's pretty good. It's delicious.

Oh, crummy, you haven't made his biscuits in a while. You're also eating leaves while you do this. Yeah, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I mean, you haven't made his biscuits in a while. You don't have your very nice breakfast. But also, there's feathers, you can see sort of on my tooth here. I don't want to, like, swallow the feather, the black feather. It's sort of these, these weird, like, five or six black feathers. Oh.

So our deduction is that you killed a bird in the bush. Well, you know what they say. I don't see any evidence of a dead bird. You don't see a carcass, you don't see blood, you don't see anything that would indicate that anyone had been injured. Is it possible that you've disintegrated the bird with your Eldridge blast?

I mean, it doesn't really work that way. Is it possible you ate the bird? Well, shit, I didn't taste the bird. All it tastes as jam and a few leaves and a few feathers and a few sticks. and a little bit of mud, but no birds. You're a very sophisticated palate.

I mean, I've been looking for a long time. He's supposed to develop these things. Well, you know what they say? You killed two birds in the bush. And one in the pink. One in the bush. Yeah, and one in the pig.

That's not how that goes at all. Oh. How did you get that one wrong? You were master of proverbs, but an hour ago. Yeah, I thought you supposed to be good. at Sions. Oh, I normally am, but one's about birds just give me trouble. You know, like the early, the early cuckoo flew over the worm.

While he's doing that, I want to like take a pull of a feather out of my teeth and look at it to see, is it like a huge feather? Is it a small feather? Roll an investigation check. Hey, Grico, what kind of bird this belong to? Oh, let me take a look here. Seeing Kremy's interest in this and being also an investigator and a lover of riddles or mysteries, do I get a sense

that he thinks that he's on the track of something bigger? Yes. I would deduce that. Yes, easily. Investigation is 20. You look at this and you realize, I would say you realize very quickly that though these are bird feathers, it's, it come, these are feathers clearly of a kinkoo.

No, I don't think these are like bird bird feathers now that I taste it. Taste more like kanku. Do you say kanku? Yes. Kenu? Yeah, there's been a kanku terrorizing the Witch Lake Carnival for quite a while now. Terrorizing. Mr. Wish and Mr. Light would be really interested to find out about this.

I'm not supposed to tell you that. Is there a genuine reason? And that's where we'll end the session. I'm going to throw up. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher

to unlock Shroud over Salt Marsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventrace. If you want to chat about the episode with the Avengers community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventures.com slash Discord. We also post content nearly all. every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram. So make sure you follow our socials at legendsofavangers.com slash social.

And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror 5E supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again, and we'll see you next time.