Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 30 | Phantom of the Hoppera

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

After coming face to face with Bavlorna Blightstraw the Krew dons costumes and performs an operatic spectacle all in hopes of saving a captured knight...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shrou...d Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/5n88Bx1WeH8?si=XXqdyiAv0LPCJema

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:02 Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Twig, and you're listening to What's the Pod of Witchlight? Here's what happened last time. Unless the entirety of the soggy cork could be swayed in my favor, I don't see away. Welcome to Bobble and Charles. Shining in beautiful, um, opalescent colors is a pure unicorns horn. You are easily able to make your way into the basket and make the swap if you so choose. I've loved doing business.
Starting point is 00:00:32 with all of you and now bubble and charms is closed. Pleasure doing business with you, I guess. Was it? Was it? And as you reach forward and touch the horn, it vibrates in your hand, this strumming of magic and power. You are looking through the eyes of a child,
Starting point is 00:00:49 the eyes of a young boy, and you find yourself back and hither with your friends holding onto this unicorn horn, wondering what this vision is. The tour bag doesn't like this. Does that mean that they're closer to finding us? I saw he was a boy and he was an adolescent and then he was an adult. It's going to come a time, we're all going to have to face him, and he's going to be coming for you, but you won't have to stand against him alone, right?
Starting point is 00:01:13 We're going to do it together, and we're going to see it coming. Getting it's going to punch him so hard in the body, he's going to laugh until he dies. Yeah, he's probably going to shit his pants first. As you make your way up the stairwell towards the castle itself, the idea of an opera, a play, and the promise of some kind of cook-off. New competition called Electrum Chef has really piqued the interest. There is a large dais. Topit sits Kinggo the 19th,
Starting point is 00:01:44 and sitting next to him is a creature that looks like it comes from your very nightmares. You are gazing upon that Flourna Lightstraw. Smash got two more ago. I'm so hungry. Once upon a time, in Prismere you all went shopping
Starting point is 00:02:12 you now find yourselves in the soggy castle you have made your way down the main thoroughfare towards that's a wrong word fuck this I don't care you're now staying in front of Babylona
Starting point is 00:02:29 what do you want to do oh that's right no you you are standing here looking out over over the the inside of the castle, the soggy court. And it is beautiful. The pale stones are gilded in gold. The candles are held aloft in the air by the flitting wings of fireflies.
Starting point is 00:02:54 All around you are members of the soggy court that are garbed in beautiful rococo dress, elaborate velvet coats, beautiful, beautiful gowns, embroidered, covered in lace and ruffles, hair piled high atop their heads, all clearly wigs, but beautiful nonetheless. The smells of flowers are as almost overwhelming, sense of flowers that you have never smelled before, clearly the flora of the Faywild. And at the very end of this long pathway through the ballroom, you see that there are two people seated in front of you. Clearly in the throne is King Gollup the 19th. He looks down at you fondly. At his feet is an alligator that you recognize, a baby alligator snoodle, who is
Starting point is 00:03:54 dressed in similar attire to the king, a beautiful, beautiful pale cream-colored outfit that is trimmed in gold. He has shoes on his feet with a large gold buckle and piled atop his head is a powdered white wig and snoodle is dressed similarly though his wig is a skew on his head and he's clearly chewing on the parts of it that have made their way towards his mouth and sitting next to him on the left-hand side atop not a chair but a lily pad is a frail woman she is She is plump with bulging eyes that can't seem to focus on one spot. But as you look closer, you realize it's not for, it's intentional.
Starting point is 00:04:53 She is looking about the room in varying directions, using the mobility of her eyes to be able to scan places all across the room all at once. and what looks unintentional is actually clearly calculated as she watches and sees everything that happens in this room. Her skin is dry and cracked. Her mouth is clearly very, very large. And as you take her in, her frogish stature, you can clearly see that there is something about her that is almost snake-like in the way that she moves her jaw, almost as if it unhinges,
Starting point is 00:05:42 and she's able to lick her lips as she stares out over the soggy court. She makes eye contact with you individually. One I hear, one I there, when I hear, one I there. She doesn't linger too long, almost as if she's not all that interested in any of you. You're not on her radar. she scans the room clearly looking for something. And you see behind her two heads poke out, entities that some of you have seen before, her lornelings, two of them clearly standing guard, protecting their mistress. As King Gullop calls you forward,
Starting point is 00:06:24 he stands up and announces to the entire court that his guests of honor have arrived, and the sea of people parts as the music, comes to a halt. All the lords and ladies take a bow and they begin to chatter and look around as they stare at you. He calls out to someone to the sidelines and you see a bully wug in red attire clearly one of the trumpeteers as he makes his way over and the king whispers in his ear he almost panics a little bit and rushes around the side bleats a little bit on his trumpet and the music begins again. The lords and
Starting point is 00:07:10 ladies look slightly confused as they look around and the king motions for them to begin dancing again and that pathway to Babylon and the king is closed to you as the lords and ladies begin to dance and then you hear, um, hey, hey, names Billy and you notice it is that same trumpeteer. No. You're not dressed appropriately for a ball. So we're gonna need to fix that. You got anything you could wear?
Starting point is 00:07:46 Oh, Billy. You think I'm on the dress? I'm wearing a fucking tuxedo. Billy, by the way, Billy Wug. Oh, Waddo. Cremely-Ling, and your name is Billy Wug? No, I think he said, Bill E. Wug. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Bill, maybe William Eustis Wug. Yeah, you gotta catch all of the. you know, every piece of it. Is it Billy or Bill E? Billy. It's Billy. Oh, well, I fucked that up. And you're a Bullywood.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Yeah. And your name's Billy Wood. Yeah. All right. Mm-hmm. This is Doreback's nicest code. Maybe we should take you upstairs and see what we've got, but you guys are gonna perform soon.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Oh, performance? Oh, man. I didn't think to ask the king if we, if I should, take you to get dressed for the ball or take you to get dressed for the performance. I can't interrupt him again. I think we would like to mingle a little bit, you're not allowed to be in here dressed like that.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Well, why don't we go get dressed, then mingle, then maybe eat a little bit, and then they- You know what, I'll take you upstairs, and I'll ask one of the other guards to ask the king if you come back after you're dressed, or if you go to the, I'll take you upstairs. And he looks around and you notice some of the guards, guards watching him. He's clearly, he's clearly the equivalent of a bullywag 15, 16 year old boy.
Starting point is 00:09:16 This is his first gig. He's a trumpeteer at the palace. He's very, very uncomfortable. But he very quickly moves, moves you along the edges of the room. And you do notice that some of the bully wugs in the soggy court, their eyes continue to remain on you as you're moving around. And you do hear snippets of whispers, talks of, how could you? Could they possibly show up to something like this, looking like that? That's atrocious. Can you believe the king is fraternizing with people like them? Oh, they were knighted, you know.
Starting point is 00:09:53 No, you don't say. They're members of the court? No, it's horrible. It's very clear that the snobbishness in this place knows no bounds, and you're clearly not dressed for this kind of event. But you are quickly able to slide through a side door, make your way up a winding staircase. Until you find your way down a long hallway, it is lined with paintings of every single king of the soggy court. Hundreds of photos.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Paintings. Fuck. Hundreds of paintings of Bullywungky kings and queens. Until you are led into a large or neat room of blazing fire in the corner. two large wardrobe against the side. Yeah, so I guess look through the wardrobe
Starting point is 00:10:45 and see what you can find. I'm going to pop out and I'm going to see if I can figure out what happens next. But you guys are, you're ready, right? Like if the king asks,
Starting point is 00:11:04 because at any moment he could snap his fingers and it's time for the performance. So you're ready. You don't need anything? Well, we would log to at least discuss props and stage settings and costumes, at the very least. If there's a costume director? No. Oh.
Starting point is 00:11:23 But in the Opera House, though, there is tons of stuff. Oh. I'm talking costumes galore, hand-painted props, all kinds of cool stuff. So we could get you down there at some point. get you down there at some point. Yeah, that would be... We just like to survey what's available just so, you know...
Starting point is 00:11:43 I've already got the old opera up in here, you know what I mean? I'm gonna leave you guys to get ready. And then... I think I'm gonna... We'll see. We'll see what the king wants. You're doing great, Billy. I'm really nervous. The king's
Starting point is 00:12:00 never talked to me before one and one. I mean, to be fair, the last time was in the room with the king, it was a different kid. But the king has never talked to me even once. Well, I mean, this is your first trumpet gig? I mean, yeah. Yeah, this is your first trumpet gig.
Starting point is 00:12:16 How old are you? Like, 15. That's incredible. My first gig was for the mayor's nephew's bog mitzvah. So the fact that you're at the soggy castle is like, that's big. You're stoned off a lot greater than I ever did. So just keep blowing that mean piece of brass. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:12:34 My mom's really proud of me. She should be. She should be, Billy. She is. You're doing great. And when I get home tonight and I tell her that the king talked to me directly and I followed his orders and nothing went wrong and so I kept my life, she's going to be so happy. Before you do any of that, just do us a favor and don't wear a red shirt.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Oh, do you mean like this red tunic going to wear me now? Definitely take that off right now. I'd get in a lot of trouble if I did that. Uh-oh. No, too late told me. Once they got the red shirt on, there's no change in the film. No, but seriously, I'm gonna be fine. I can play three notes on this trumpet.
Starting point is 00:13:17 Uh-huh. So. Well, we're doing great. We'll be here planning our propaganda. I mean, I mean opera. Well, it was really nice to meet you guys. It was nice to meet you, Billy. Yeah, me, you Billy.
Starting point is 00:13:31 And he slowly starts to back out of the room. You know, if you need anything at all, just let me know. How about a bunch of food and some drinks? Oh, I'll try. Well, so it's that anything at all? Can't do anything. All right, bye, guys. Take him on, Billy.
Starting point is 00:13:50 You do great, bye, yeah. Keep it up. Torbeck has a terrible sinking feeling, and he can't put his finger on wine. Anyway, we should prepare for this show. It's possible that it's because we have to prepare for the show. We have to perform again. That has to be it. How did we get rubbed in this?
Starting point is 00:14:11 I don't remember, but I do remember that we had it. And the grand consumer musician that I am, I have written a grand opera that will also serve as proper aganda. Oh, thank goodness. What would we do without you? Propaganda? Yeah, but it rhymes with opera. Oh, that's actually one clever.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Thank you. What kind of. propaganda. So what we need to do is put on a chivalric romance story that stars Morgow because we kind of mucked up the whole, you know, trial by combat situation. So if we told a grand story of Morgau, the knot of what, and it is very epic and romantic and very nice, they will, the people would demand that Morgot be released. And so it would be, it would behove the king to release her otherwise he'd get beheaded.
Starting point is 00:15:16 I don't know. That's also not a bad idea. You think we're going to sway this whole kingdom of people just with an opera you whipped up in a couple of minutes? Yes. I love it. It's just going to be a drama, a comedy, a parody. Grico, can you roll
Starting point is 00:15:37 a dexterity saving throw? Oh. A live grenade gets thrown to the room. Seven. Perfect. If Angela would allow. You are having this conversation
Starting point is 00:15:50 and you are able to pull out parchment with some written word, the beginnings if not most of a script. And you are talking about your plan. You're all huddled together, very excited. as all of a sudden you feel a large,
Starting point is 00:16:07 or you feel a heavy thwack against the back of your head, taking one point of bludgeoning damage as a small hand cannon slams into the back of your head. And in the next moment or so, you are covered in different pieces of clothing. You all turn to look at the direction
Starting point is 00:16:27 that all of this is coming from and you see the doors to one of the wardrobes open. and you barely see the top of a toadstool hat as twig is pulling things out of the wardrobe, tossing it this way and that, you look there! And she quickly jumps out of the pile of clothes she's created, and she is wearing the equivalent of a masquerade outfit,
Starting point is 00:16:55 a beautiful Rococo dress, but themed to be a pirate captain, with a curly, white powdered wig and a beautiful tri-corner hat. She is cinched into a corset. She has two big pistols on her hip, and as she
Starting point is 00:17:13 pulls them off and shoots them, they say bang, bang. It's very clear that the hand cannon that she threw that was tossed was an accident as it was attached to another piece of garb as it went flying and hit Grico in the back of the head. She
Starting point is 00:17:29 notices it on the floor next to him. Oh, that's mine! That's mine! Um, is, should, is this like sort of like a theme party? Are we just trying to fit in? I don't think so, but this is what they gave us. And so I'm really excited. I've never been to a muskrette partner before. So let's do it.
Starting point is 00:17:54 And she holds up her little mask. Oh. Well, Twigsie, you're kind of generally fashionable. You got anything in there? You think would look good on us? Yes. Um, well, I could find things if you want, At least while you're talking about all this boring stuff, I could look for your outfits for you if you want me to.
Starting point is 00:18:15 That would be most appreciated. Oh, yeah, yeah. We clearly don't know what we're doing. I need you all too old T-100s, please. I lock vests and I don't lock shoes very much, if I can request. Probably not. Tor-McDenna 36. Nice.
Starting point is 00:18:35 What? Nine to seven. Damn. Wait, you got a 97? I got a 9-7. I got an idea. Oh, cram it! We get the match!
Starting point is 00:18:46 We're wearing one of those donkey-appins. This is unbelievable. Unbelievable. Are you kidding me right now? I was thinking like a couple's, I mean, like a couple of guys' costumes. Yeah. Sometimes you guys tell the story. It just makes sense.
Starting point is 00:19:02 I don't know what kind of masquerade outfit is a, you know, like a duo effort, but obviously we found it here. I don't know. What about like a sudden moon theme? I mean, I guess we're seeing what a twig comes up? That's pretty good. I mean, you know, flame and shadow, I think it goes without frame. You get you, you want a couple's costume?
Starting point is 00:19:20 Twix, got it. You know, a couple of fellas. Yeah, just a couple of guys' costumes. Okay, couple of guys. Like you're in the line, couple of sandwiches. Gonna find that costume for you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Okay, what is, what kind of, just give me a ballpark. I got a 69, which is a number that people reference often. It's like $10,000. Okay, okay. So you're wanting something to little sensual, a little like flirty. Maybe like, green, but...
Starting point is 00:19:49 Maybe some assless chaps? No, no, no, no, no. I wanted to convey the wealth that everyone else is attempting to convey here. I would like it to be in the style so that I blend in, to fit in. The elaborate floral pattern, it's lace, the breeches and the stockings that I saw, those little shoes with the... The buckles. Right, yes.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah. The, um... Very hygienic. A cape, perhaps? I don't know. I don't know, man. I've actually heard that Sharon's showing your bare ass is how the elite established dominance. I've revisited that assless chaps thing.
Starting point is 00:20:26 They are a bunch of perverts. Yeah, I mean... Okay. One of the wigs, I think, for me. Yeah, okay, for sure. Yeah, right, all right. Uh, go? Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Yeah. Uh, well, I got a 54. Okay. You know, I like to keep a little bit of cash, you know, a little cash. Oh, so you want to be Mr. Moneybags. Well, the cash. It's very good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Okay. Okay. Mr. Moneybags. If whatever you recommend, I will wear because I am not known for my style outsider performing on stage or in general. Yeah. All right. Mr. Moneybags.
Starting point is 00:21:10 sensual, a couple of dudes, coupling together. Yeah. Oh, it's some ostrich feathers for me. Torbeck. Torbeck got 36, and because Torbank normally lives in a dumpster, he's not very particular. Okay. I mean, look at what Torbeck is currently wearing.
Starting point is 00:21:35 This is horrific. So you kind of want, like, trash. in the runway. I, well, Torbeck is probably gonna think that people will just mistake Torbeck for actual trash. Okay, so we're gonna do, okay. Well, if you just wear trash, you can just say you're a modern art. Torbeck knows how much you hate modern art, Ricko. I mean, he's all fancy people. They probably think it's really deep.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Torback doesn't want to get kicked out. An esoteric. Did you hear all of those people and the things they were saying? It's like high school all over again. It took almost everything I had not to mage hand one of their wings off their head when they were talking about it. Yeah, these people are coming. Yeah, that was not really nice at all. My nicest shirt that has holes in it.
Starting point is 00:22:31 Yeah, I know. And the thing is, it's not like we're expected to be here or anything. we were to force into this. What if you're dressing in something kind of like derelict? You know what I'm saying? Oh! What? It's sort of like trash, but cash.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Dereliction. Derelict. Like, imagine some trash bags sewn together with like, you know, McDonald's. What's the McDonald's? What? What? What?
Starting point is 00:23:05 Huh? Is there anything, like, furs in there that he could wear? Perhaps that would complement his existing fringness. But the problem is any time it gets even
Starting point is 00:23:15 a little bit warm and start sweating it stinks. That'll mask to the stink that he has. Torbeck's used to it. Tourbeck sweats a lot, you know? Don't you guys?
Starting point is 00:23:27 I mean like a lot, like all your clothes are always moist. You know, that's totally normal. It's like when you take your displace or beast to displace your beast park and you come back and you're like, God, you...
Starting point is 00:23:42 Oh. It's pretty funny. Just all the time? I think I'd like to... I'd like to take back my request for no shoes. This shag carpeting is very sorry. What shod carpeting? It's getting in my toes.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Yes. It's very damn no a carpet could be that. And as you walk around, you realize the shag carpeting is only under your feet. The rest of it is a nice stone flooring. Oh. that's weirdly placed it's just a patch it's like the sins
Starting point is 00:24:18 and you're just just beating crazy with it there's a single patch and sat card could be a special spot man that might not be shankarvin at all I'm gonna go ahead and look for your outfits while you guys figure out what you're gonna do
Starting point is 00:24:31 about this show oh oh oh can I be in it oh I'll have a special row just for you twig I've never been in a show before. I'm not really the actress type. Can you sing?
Starting point is 00:24:45 And is it good? Or two different questions, right? Well, my sense is that they've never seen in opera before. So I feel like anything we give them will be... Yeah. It's like, you know, Pearl Swan, that whole thing. I have horrifying stage fright. Oh.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Okay. Well, good for you is Gideon has a special... magical elixir that eliminates stagefront. So you can just down this magic potion and it immediately cure stagefront. A real? Yes. Gideon, do you have one to those? I got it right here, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Starting point is 00:25:26 oh, after we get the infants. Yeah. No, I think, well, before the stage front. And it's time to kick in, fellas. Even at her size, I mean, you know. Gideon. What? You're like 10 times of body mass.
Starting point is 00:25:39 At least. Like, take 20. Is it going to pours in me? Torbeck, are you getting a lot of pores at me? Torbeck's had this exactly. He's not tell her. Torbeck was actually going to ask Gideon if he had a bottle three times
Starting point is 00:25:55 the size of that, based on the way Guy's night went before. Torbeck's pretty worried and will probably also need the anti-stage fry juice. I think we'll all need it a little bit. I don't know how I'm going to be singing in an opera. Oh. Are you a good singer, Frost?
Starting point is 00:26:14 No, no, no, no. Oh, Frosty, I wrote you as the leading role. You and Hootsie. Are the leads? Am I going to be playing Morgo? No, that's ridiculous. Hootsey's the star. She's Morgue.
Starting point is 00:26:27 You're going to be Wigglewog. That was obvious, man. It was always going to be Hootsie. Whose? His twig's going to play. Twigs me, by the way. You're going to bring an air of tragedy to this. this romantic, chivalric romance.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Oh. Yeah, so you need to basically really sell the sadness, and you've been murdered in a well. I've been murdered in a way? A well. Oh. Yeah, you're going to be a Willow. You're going to be Willa, the Willow West that we met earlier.
Starting point is 00:26:59 You weren't there. Were you? No, you weren't there. No, we met Willa. So you're Willa. And we're all going to be, we're going to be supporting you, but you're the lead in that scene. It's going to be tough.
Starting point is 00:27:10 you Twigsie because you're so dang positive but you're gonna have to try and be a little down a little down the well you know what I mean kid yeah nobody else listen okay okay okay yeah yeah you guys are listening right wow okay cool ah hey hey I can't hear okay here all right just plug your ears and warm a lack yeah what's up Twigsie do I have to die to play a little west With Grico, you can never really tell what he's gonna do. I mean, it's possible he kills you somehow. Will you be able to bring me back if I die?
Starting point is 00:27:52 Yeah, I won't let him kill you all the way. Just only most of the way. It's probably just prop death, you know, just like a little bit. You remember when Kremi killed you kind of? Yeah. Yeah, and Max, it's like that. Like he's gonna be, but just this time, if you're on the brink of death, try not to you know flail out in all directions
Starting point is 00:28:14 and kill so much of the crowd oh no I was gonna she pulls out her wine I was gonna put this way so I couldn't hurt anybody with it that's what I wanted to ask because my instinct when I'm like something happens to me you know is it just
Starting point is 00:28:29 I know I'm really scared and so I just wanted to make sure I didn't kill Grickle accidentally if he killed me first that's the problem right is everything up to this I have to be a consummate, is that what you call it? A consummate actress? And I have to make sure that if I'm actually dying, I really bring the drama.
Starting point is 00:28:50 I'm no too good with words. I usually go to Grico for the main ins, but I get so confused because I'm starting to think he's no too good with words either. Thanks for having this side conversation with me, where they couldn't hear anything we're saying, because I was feeling really nervous about them knowing I was really nervous about dying for real. You're going to take a little bit of sip of this. You're going to forget all your nerves are just going to melt away in the warm embrace of whatever is in here. And I think it's totally fine that you use that one. We don't even know what it does yet.
Starting point is 00:29:21 I think you just pointed around and you flail it all about. What could possibly go wrong? Just not at the audience. Well, I mean, just in the off chance that it's like, you know, when I had a battle, chuckles and he kind of pointed with a toy gun. When he called you the bitch. Oh, okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:29:39 You hear me. It's all good. It's all good. No, I don't even remember that a little bit. Oh, did he? Did he? No, I mean, but, you know, when he pointed that stupid cheat gun, I had to duck out of the way so fast with my expertise.
Starting point is 00:30:01 And he just, like, evaporated half the stadium. You know, I mean, just in the event it's something like that, you know, just be on the lookout. Before I let them listen again, wait, Do you me one more favorite again? Yeah. Well, yeah, I'll do you this. All right, even the last time I lost everything that made me make me make you.
Starting point is 00:30:17 I'll see. We'll see what the cost is this time. But, yeah. Go ahead, Twigsie. For you, go ahead. If I really die for real, like if I believe in my role and I go, will you tell everyone I love them? I will, Twigsie.
Starting point is 00:30:36 We would never let that happen. Okay. I don't want them to know feel that way right now. because I got to keep up my hard, tough, and exterior. Yeah, you're doing pretty good about getting in the role of, you know, a depressing child. So, I don't know if it goes that way. I'm really starting to get there. If it goes that way, I don't think it will.
Starting point is 00:30:57 But like I said, I mean, Grigo's kind of a little unhinged. So I know what he's going to do. I know. But at least it's not Torbek when Torbek goes, uh-oh. Oh. Yeah, we can't let that happen. I know. You got to figure out what
Starting point is 00:31:11 that trigger is, you know what I mean? Oh, you guys can listen again, by the way. Yeah. Everything. What?
Starting point is 00:31:18 No, I mean, I heard everything. It's very intrusive of you. You know, we told you to just not listen in, okay? That was a touching moment.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Now I'm embarrassed, all right? You know me too. Privacy is a common decency, cross. They're standing five minutes, five feet away. It's very difficult to...
Starting point is 00:31:35 What are you talking about? Two feet away. Three feet down, at least. Yeah. Square, grid we're standing on. I mean, it doesn't matter
Starting point is 00:31:41 if you were standing right in between us and I was speaking in my normal volume, I thought you were ear cuffing, you know? I'll fight you in a perfect square.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Griego! So part has broken and two. Here we're going. Here we go. Hey. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Sorry, everybody. Can we listen now? Yeah. Yeah, you're good, man. Welcome back to the conversation. Man, I'm just getting into the good part. Okay, so can I have some of that drink now?
Starting point is 00:32:16 Oh, well, how do you guys feel about it? I don't want to create like a situation around here. Well, hold on. Do you mind if I give just one director's note when we get to doing the play? To me? Yeah, do you? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Just, you know, once you get into it, just no war crimes, all right? Just the note don't explode on anybody's head, and we should be fine. We covered that. We covered that in the sidebar. Oh, you did? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Tort of trial. They did. They did. She was at it. Yeah. Well, did you specifically specify, head exploding? Hey, did I specifically specify? What?
Starting point is 00:32:49 Huh? What? Cremie didn't listen to a conversation. He's trustworthy. I know. Yeah, I've always trusted Cremie. He's a good guy. Frost can't be trust.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Yeah, no, Frost you can't trust at all. Yeah, no, he's real, like, you know. Remember that time he went into the mud? Were you there for that? No. Oh, yeah. I think he was like, well, actually, Creming was. trying to drown.
Starting point is 00:33:10 It's the point of those times his knees got all locked together and started screaming my fucking legs. I mean, it's the only thing you can trust about that, guys.
Starting point is 00:33:17 You can't get anything done with them. I'm fusing the legs together. You can trust me. I don't know what's going on with the legs. It's okay, Frosty. You don't need your legs
Starting point is 00:33:28 with your brain. Your legs are morphological. This is foreshadowing. That's not. We're going to get a floating chair. I can just get a fucking yellow floating shit. I'd be so happy.
Starting point is 00:33:43 Isn't it a little? The King of Yellow. The next film movie ends with James Baccavoy. Doesn't it's screaming, my fucking legs. Alright. You pass. Frost now. Frost goes totally hairless.
Starting point is 00:33:57 So can I have that drink now so I can get out of your hair and let you talk about your thing? Oh yeah, I'm cool with it. Oh, just don't just don't explode any heads, alright? Crumman made me promise to specify. Thank you, Guy. Thank you. Oh. Here's your song.
Starting point is 00:34:12 This. Do I get to make up the melody on my own? Yes. I would like a little bit of artistic license, please. You can have that. Like I said, I think we are casting some pearls before Swinay. Casting your pearls before Swinay. Exactly right.
Starting point is 00:34:33 How do you fuck that one? Let me, can I just take a look at those two proper 10th-level spells you got on your belt there? I'm sorry, what? take a look at those prop 10th level spells you got on your belt there. Are you talking about bang and boom? Boom, bang, bang. Oh my god. Can I just see them really quick, just to make sure.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Can you answer my question first? Yeah, I'm talking about bang, bang. Yes, I knew what that's what I wanted to do. And she hands up to you. My Twigsie shot me down. Bang, bang. Okay, now leave me alone. I got a lot of work to do.
Starting point is 00:35:10 All right, you do your thing, Tweezy. Twigsie, just remember I know you might be scared but you don't need courage because you have those. Who needs courage when you have a gun? Yeah, but that's what my mama wasted. As you were the very wise,
Starting point is 00:35:28 Bradley, that's smart lady. Smart lady. Where can Torbeck get a gun? Torbeck got a gun. Oh, that's a good one. I'm a raw done. Everyone's so musical. And Twig makes her way over to the wardrobes.
Starting point is 00:35:46 You see both the doors are open now as she's rummaging through them trying to find the proper attire. Didion, are you sure that she should have alcohol? Is she going to roger rabbit out and just go fucking crazy? She's a brownie. We don't know. I mean, man, she spent half the campaign licking toads and getting high. I think she's got probably a pretty heavy tolerance. That's a hallucinogenic toad sweat.
Starting point is 00:36:08 That's totally different than alcohol. I don't know the ratios, man. One to one. Could be one to one. Could be a little offset. I mean, I don't know. You know, I hit it plenty. Torbex added by the gallon, you know?
Starting point is 00:36:22 Well, yeah, we're all incapable of drinking alcohol. I just don't know about brownies, that's all. Listen, man, ain't nothing wrong with giving her a little bit of something to wet the whistle to give her some of that courage. You know, it's not just all in the prop gun. It just seems like a strange time to do it before she prepares what we need to wear in order to look good at a extremely sensitive situation in front of a hag and also about to perform an opera
Starting point is 00:36:45 wow I don't really love to think about it like that I mean to be honest with you I didn't really think about it too much at all she just asked for and I ended it over like any good host all right well we'll see what happens are we doing election chef before or after the play oh a lechrum chef too
Starting point is 00:37:03 yeah there's a lot of performing we gotta do I thought kind of the I'm just gonna say like we're We're gonna have to cook things and be judged for the things that we cook. Is that the idea? You know, it wasn't very clear, but, I mean, that was the impression that I got. Yes, Torbeck.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Do they have a full-body hair now? That's pretty fucking smart. Torbeck's not really allowed in kitchen. We just need to get you a fishnet body suit. Oh, man. Can you picture it? Because my eyes are starting to bleed. How is the big old, like, garbage bag?
Starting point is 00:37:47 Just the whole thing. Well, listen, I thought the whole point was just, Crami over here is the only one doing the chef. And we're just trying to build it. We're trying to work up the audience to give him a good, like, you know, benefit to it. Just so people are happier with them or whatever. Perhaps we can create some effects when you can chop up an onion
Starting point is 00:38:05 and we can make, like, a little volcano come out the top of it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, Uncle Globo taught me a finger, too. I'm pretty handy in the kitchen. Yeah, I make potatoes, mouth. Food for Houthi, that's very nutritious. Thanks. I'm like magic.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Yeah. Torbeck can only really do this. And Torbeck holds up his hand and his finger, like, gets long and horrible and horrific. And, like, twisted. Ah, oh. And then it retracts. Oh, that's it. Oh, that's it.
Starting point is 00:38:37 That's about Torb. Beck has up his hairy sleeves. Just the one finger, or can you do that with each of the fingers? All of them. Oh, I'm not sure what you wanted. Well, I mean, maybe if they have, like, really tall cabinets or something, you could open those. Okay. Well, look, I mean, if it's a team effort, you know, if I got to fucking sing and read from the script, which is not my thing, by the way, I like to go off the cuff.
Starting point is 00:39:04 You know, it can be a team effort. We can each cook a dish. I'll handle the main course if that work for you, though. I don't think of something. This is like the old days, fellas. It's like putting on the show, and now the rubes, as Kremi would say, are just a bunch of frogs instead of just a bunch of people,
Starting point is 00:39:23 including some frogs. Hey, Torbeck. Yes. I found her outfit. Oh, thank you. What did you bear? I found the best with 100 tiny pockets in this white sequin glove
Starting point is 00:39:35 that's sized for a human. Oh. Okay. Torbeck will reach out. Wait, it's a vest that has 100 pockets. It's a secret- Tiny pockets, yeah. Okay, I'll put the vest on. I guess Torbeck will take off what he's currently wearing.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Oh, I'm gonna be the vest. So then all, I mean, I won't have pants or anything. So I'll just turn it down completely made. And I'm just basically a hairy big foot at this point. And I will take the Sequin vest and put it on. Close your eyes, Twigsie. Yeah, I'm just a big foot. I put on the Sequin vest and it's like kind of tight
Starting point is 00:40:08 there's a hundred little pockets and sequence. I will reach out with my left hand to take the tiny glove. And as you do, you hear in your mind, he, he, chabon. And I'll pick up my right hand and it'll, like, shrink to fit in this tiny glove. And it oddly does fit.
Starting point is 00:40:28 And as you feel like you have the ability to move in a way you hadn't before. You now gain the ability to moonlock. Torbeck is suddenly feeling a bit more coordinated Torbeck you look very starless Thank you I can feel the breeze Through my legs
Starting point is 00:40:52 Can we get some matching tight lever pants Twigsieps match Yeah I can look Out of jacket Torbeck doesn't know Torbeck's pretty happy without pants I don't know if they let them go down there with all that going on over there, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:41:09 They might be into it, you never know. They could be. And Torbeck, you do moonwalk. And for all intents and purposes, while you're wearing this glove and this outfit, you have advantage on all performance checks. It just constantly plays. Tourbet, Torbeck dance all right.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Crummy, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, crummy? Creamy, are you okay? Mr. Gramey, are you okay? Mr. Grammy, are you... Gideon's not my love.
Starting point is 00:41:47 Oh, you should look very stylish, Torbeck. Okay, I want... That will fit over Torbeck. I'll be back. Don't rush. It's all right. If you don't find any, no big deal. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:03 All right. Okay. Bye. Well, we, I mean, I feel like this is appropriate. Apropos. Roco. Tormak'll make it work. Bless you.
Starting point is 00:42:16 Okay. I feel like we're going to, so we got a schmuse, we got an electric chef, we got the play, and we've got to figure out a plan to, you know, kind of do a little bit of political machinations and change the culture with a little bit of subterfuge and cultural
Starting point is 00:42:31 revolt. Then we also have to do a false-flang operation? We already did. Taubeck took care of that. Well, I mean, we planted the seat, but we haven't watered anything yet. Oh, don't worry. The final act is going to feature the greatest false flag of them all.
Starting point is 00:42:47 You really have it all together today. It's just remarkable. Oh, my gosh. I did major in Bollyside, I remember. Oh, yes. And so what's the goal of all this? The goal is to turn public perception in favor of Mogo
Starting point is 00:43:03 so that once they see, oh, she's the champion of the people. She's the greatest knight, whatever, then they will clamber with their clammy hands for her release, and everything's going to be great. And we're then going to also weave in a little bit of false flagging subterfuge to turn bravron against scabuff. And blame scabwe for everything that's going on.
Starting point is 00:43:27 So we're going to reveal that the books with the balloon fellas? Yes. That's part of the final act. You worked all that into the opera? Well, we'll see how it goes. If we always say shit about the book, do we have an airtight alibi? A what? An alibi.
Starting point is 00:43:47 What are you talking about? What's that? I think he means an alibi. I'm a liby. Oh, of course. I've thought of everything, Kramme. Why didn't you say that? While they was stealing the book, we was off in the swamp not stealing nothing. That's pretty good. Huh?
Starting point is 00:44:08 Do we have a witness? I tore back here some pants. Oh, okay. They don't have any clothe over back cheeks. Done. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:26 I was just warning in case you didn't work. I snatch them on and I begin to put them on. And they are a pair of leather assless chaps. Oh, wow. How does Torback look, fellas? It's more about how Torbeck smells. I just like moonwalking circles around them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Made admittedly better, admittedly better. Cheek chillers. See what you will, he's got moves. Yeah, I didn't know he can do it. The rhythm is flowing through Torbeck. Can you do that lean food? Oh, wow. There's furniture in the way, Frost.
Starting point is 00:45:14 It is uncanny how he leans. It's almost as if there's no gravity in the room at all. All right, well, I guess the rest of us will just wear it. Everyone get your lyrics to your songs. Here you go. Here you go. I can't see any of this music. You expect me to sing this?
Starting point is 00:45:36 Yes, you're one of the leads. You are Wigglewold. The Valiant Trubodore. It is literally impossible for me to perform this one. Rusty, you're gonna be great. Gricko. Yes.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Of your outfit? Let's see. And she walks over to you with her arms filled with golden metal pieces. And as she helps you get everything put together, you all watch as once there had been
Starting point is 00:46:06 Grico and now there is a candlestick man. What the hell? Lomier. to get the beast. You know, no, but why did you use in the reality of the world? Shock me, bleh. Man, do you think this outfit gave him a different language, like dancing for Dorkman?
Starting point is 00:46:38 Yeah, I will say it does. You notice that your voice has changed. Oh. The language of the bulletwood hugs. Oh, huh, you are correct. It's the fucking fronest. It's cronlemy, grickle. Ah, grotto.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Gromrie. Yeah. I said, oh. Dorma can't understand him anymore. What's he saying? I'm covered in gold. I have a nice and intrinsic value. Yeah, you missed your money back.
Starting point is 00:47:15 Just like you told me. Oh, the wax is covering my face. I can barely move in my lips. Just another night in Goblin College. Chocolate blue. Oh, even that made Dormack wince. Uh-huh. How do I look, a fellow.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Are you stuck like that? Uh-huh. I feel very fancy. Oh, man. I feel a facie. I can't wait for you to explain to them their rules and the performance. Do I look like a funk? You look kind of like a candle stick for being honest.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Just wax and go. Oh, la la. I think you're gonna fit in perfectly. The Magnifici. Can you do the popping thing? They're very French, right? They do that. I'm stuck like this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:21 So now I just need, I'll need help carrying. fine. Let me use my invisible mage hand and this hold your mouth open like this, like you well, that doesn't have a rat's side. Are you gonna have to perform like this? I hope not, certainly. That raises a good question. Doorback is looking at his role and doesn't see how this matches this.
Starting point is 00:49:02 I think we've been Get the new customs Torbex-I-So sure we have to be that hasty. Doesn't this feel like overkill just feel like a dinner party? I imagine that's the point. Everything they do is over the top
Starting point is 00:49:20 and outrageously luxurious and voiceful. Frost, I found you a bit too. You said you want to be sensible? I don't recall.
Starting point is 00:49:32 I didn't. Well, the thing is, I couldn't find anything sensible, but I did find this outfit that looks like a weird, milky, white puddle. And she used it to you. What the fuck? You asked for that? No, I didn't say sensual, and I didn't. I thought something traditional, something that I was, to fit in.
Starting point is 00:49:56 I thought it was maybe a gelatinous cube, but melted. but I don't think that's what it is. Yeah, sacra goo. Oh, I knew it's fun. Seriously, Mike open his mouth. I was like, he throws his phone, man.
Starting point is 00:50:17 I've got that. Let me get the character right quick. That was brilliant, right? I don't write that down. I put this on. I think you just step into become a wonder with it or something. And for all intents and purposes,
Starting point is 00:50:43 you become a caboosh. Oh, we-wee. This is getting out of hand and two of them. And the semacress. I have to be able to fit in and I am songier than ever. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:50:59 And you watch as he's just rolling around on the floor. It's just this weird gelatinous, looking white goo with two eyes. Clearly Frosty's eyes in the middle of it. Oh man, we're going to have to get him a bucket
Starting point is 00:51:13 to bring him along. It feels very strange. It's almost like I have no bones at all. I could find you something different if it don't be sensual, but that's the only mostly sensual thing I could find. You thought of the word sensual and you brought me
Starting point is 00:51:29 this white goo? Could you? Well, from a certain point of you. He wasn't his friend. Did he release playing the shoes with the buckles? Like a Mr. Potato? This one fits a plastic, but my son.
Starting point is 00:52:00 My eye is starting to like... I don't know how to take this off. It's really good. perform it? I think it you should try again. Rer roll. All I have to do is re-roll. Twig, this is very common.
Starting point is 00:52:28 I just don't know if I can have any kind of social interaction. You know how limited I am in these ways. I just, I wanted something that no one would suspect. Okay, well, give me another rough idea of what you want if you don't want to be sensible. I'll take a 98. Oh, wow. Well, I found this glass jar filled with a weird milky white substance. What?
Starting point is 00:52:53 Where are you getting all this white substance? Why do you put it in a bowl? Answer me. Defender and so. I thought to make jokes that even I am not comfortable making. Oh, that would have been perfect. If you don't know what you want, like to make to figure out what you want, okay? and also stop being two of you.
Starting point is 00:53:26 Oh, I can't give me that back, all right? You've had too much. You're just one, you know? It's empty. It's not supposed to empty. Oh, my God, it's supposed to be endless. It's empty. You might actually die.
Starting point is 00:53:40 Oh, God. Well, I don't know how to take this off in there are two. Can someone else wear this other ones so that I don't feel out of place, at least? No. I don't think so. No, shut up, I'll get you another one, too, Frost. I think we should rewrite the play.
Starting point is 00:54:04 There'll be about this drive of the people. What do you think? How is that in your difference from what you... Let me's a frog is my messed up. The miss a frog's? It's pretty funny. That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny.
Starting point is 00:54:30 The wax is covering my nostrils now. It's someone that pleases of poker, two holes. So we just put you out until we get to the party? We, wait. Nothing means a yes. Oh, no, no, no, you're the fine, back. Come on. Okay, I found this outfit for you.
Starting point is 00:54:54 Okay. And she hands you something that looks like a, like a Walmart child Halloween. costume and it is clearly of a map, a treasure map. I think that'll be better than this. Oh, here. No. Oh, shit. I gave it the wrong frost. No, no, I've got it. What? See? Huh? Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:34 Can you get the back? Hold back. Yep. I'm funny to go fire! Aluminum pineapple savages! And I do have the final one, and she walks over to you two with two lobster costumes. Did you know the lobsters made for life?
Starting point is 00:56:12 I don't know anything about lobsters or how that's relevant to us. Yeah, and that's sort of unrelated. It's just like a fun fact. about lobsters Yeah, and you guys Look guys, the lobsters are two bowls of gear Yeah, obviously we'll wear the lobsters, I think
Starting point is 00:56:34 But, you know I'm just saying, it's not, you know, like, relevant in a way But I'll put it up Yeah Well, I like the red, so I'll put it in too The other one's a purple lobster Oh. I'm not sure if it's naturally purple or if it's a thick seed.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Well, maybe I'm like a pre-cooked lobster. You know what I mean? They're not really red until they're steamed alive. Oh, so I'm the steamed alive lobster. Yeah. Oh, okay. You know. Oh, so my claws wouldn't be moved.
Starting point is 00:57:08 I'd be just like, you know, done. I get, well, no, it's sort of like a magical. You're basically like an undead zombie lobster. Oh, okay. Well, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Are we ready to go?
Starting point is 00:57:24 Well, I think... Our costumes give us any special powers as lobsters? Are we just lobsters? Oh, okay. You have a swim speed. Be equal to whatever your swim speed is. Burka doesn't say burning out the dancing lobsters at some point. turn our opposite.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Is we performing in this? This is what we're performing in addition to going to a social event. I said then they have another. Who's there? Hey, it's me, it's Billy. Come on in, we're only kind of decent. Oh, home.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Come in, Leon. What are you guys wearing? We chose our outfits so that we'll fit in. I'm a burned map. I look like the intro to the TV show Bonanza. Oh, Frost, that's funny, you all know what that is? More like a 90% there. God damn, my little Frost is dissatisfying the situation.
Starting point is 00:58:56 He's just so damn funny. Um, yeah, uh, uh, okay, um, I was instructed to bring you back down to the ball. of the ball. Yeah, no, we're ready. This is what we're going with. At least until it's time to move you to the opera house. Sure, this looks better than my fine green robe. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:59:22 Lead the way, Billy. I really, I agree. I love with the process. And with that, he does begin to. Quit ligging it, man. Quit ligging it. I'm trying to off your lips a little bit. It's making a seal. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:59:45 You're clear, man. Thank you. Yeah, just don't look around your mouth, right? You're going to intake some of that. It's going to get into your bloodstream. I've already swallowed the 10 gallons of eggs. Eggs? I thought he said X.
Starting point is 01:00:03 Oh, oh, no. Oh, no. That's way too much. That's a great thing. Oh, the dinner plates are dancing. Oh, shit. And, uh... Taching.
Starting point is 01:00:32 I will be right down. And it is with that that you were escorted back to the room, back to the ballroom. And as you make your way in, uh, Billy, quickly jumps to the side of the door and in sync with the other trumpeteer, they announce your arrival. And the, once again, the room stops as you make your way in. A burned map, candlestick, Michael Jackson, and two lobster.
Starting point is 01:01:03 What a news. Oh, hey there. The entire place is go silent to be, 100-winged heads. A tumble-wing rolls in. And then as soon as the ice fixed us and tubbleweed is gone, Torbell will start to go backwards. So I'm not. And as to, at first, there is a complete silence.
Starting point is 01:01:25 As everyone is taking in this sight, they are appalled and uncomfortable and repulsed as Torbeck turns around and his assless chaps are viewable to all in the room. Oh, God, no. But just as he does, he begins. to dance and you hear, and you see a pair of panties
Starting point is 01:01:56 fly across the room and land on his shoulder. And I stick them in one of the hundred times. Are they frog panties? They have frog panties. 99. The band follows suit and begins to, begins to know, they begin to play. As above the sound of the band,
Starting point is 01:02:24 you hear the sound of clapping and your attention is drawn to Bevelorn a Blight Straw, who's sitting atop her lily pad with a sinister smile on her face as she claps and looks at you. The king seems excited as he wipes the look of fear and worry off of his face and begins to smile and clap as well. And everyone begins to dance. Occasionally people move up next to you, and welcome to the Soggy code. You must be the new night. Greetings. I am Count Grumple.
Starting point is 01:03:09 Your name is? I'm Dame Sogington. Pleasure to meet you, Dame Sogington. And you as well. I love your treasure map of costume. Yes, it will be very popular next to see them. I was not informed it was supposed to be masquerade. Oh, no, this will be the regular clothes that people wear soon. Oh, is this a new law the king is breaking into existence?
Starting point is 01:03:42 No, it's just because it looks so fresh. You're on fire, and she pats out one of this mall. Oh, thank you. I was wondering if that was just in my imagination. Well, it was lovely to meet you to enjoy the rest of the ball. Dame Soggington. This is a nightmare. Frosty, why is the X right over your crotch on the treasure map? I'm getting a drink.
Starting point is 01:04:21 I want to, like, shuffle over into the bar. There's no bar, but there are, There are bully wugs that are walking around with silver platters that house a whole manner of beverages that you could. There's swamp pain, which is a sparkling swamp water. Twigs can't be the only one was drunk here. All right. Since we match, I got a fucking numbness.
Starting point is 01:04:44 We've got to catch up them 20 times a shot out. It's unbelievable. I like to imagine that the map is just holding my arms in the same way that you're locked in. I've never been so happy that I have a mage hand. I'll snatch two glasses of whatever. Oh, auditors, please. There are no hors d'oeuvres. It is very clear that because of the impending
Starting point is 01:05:13 Electrum chef, that they have prepared no food they want people to be incredibly hungry for what's to come. But the swan pain is unlimited. What did you say this was? was. It's called Swampan or Swampagney, depending on where you're from. Is it just sparkling swamp water? Yes. Oh, pleasant. Yeah. Make sure you get the mother. And it's just... That is. Fowler. That is. That's across the line. I'll take ten more buckets
Starting point is 01:05:57 of white goose, please. As Kimi puts down the two glasses, Torbik, fix them up. You can drink. You can only call it Swamp Pain if it comes from Swamp Pain. Otherwise, it's just smart like swam water. What do you think, kids? Should we try to mingle with old Babylon, you know, get on on a good side?
Starting point is 01:06:30 What do you think? Well, if you're going to think, well, it's going to say to her. Like, hey, you're looking fucking witch. No, no, no, no. Fucking opposite of that. No, you don't look like a witch at all.
Starting point is 01:06:45 I'm sorry. I mean, you look very unmagical. We'll walk right up to her and say, beat it. Beat it. No one likes to be defeated. Man, when did you get so good at stuff, man? I love that.
Starting point is 01:06:59 It's just all into it back now. Maybe the poet did. Oh, man, maybe you should wrap the opera. Pugh! Are we sure we got a good liby? We're not gonna fucking blow this? It will be fine. All right, I'm watching.
Starting point is 01:07:20 With my new, found knowledge, we will bring out the guillotine and behead the hag in front of the people. Hey, you be cool, man. There'll be a bloody revolution! Oh! Bride revolution! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 01:07:33 God, no! I can have a chunk of the melted wax and it's shut up. Bloop. Loop. Ugh. I look like Clayface. You know what?
Starting point is 01:07:50 From Batman, the animated series. It's horrible death scene. I remember that. Oh, it's so good. That's a pretty big movie. That's a good movie. That's a benefit of playing. Maybe with this mouth sealed show with hot wax,
Starting point is 01:08:02 and now we can go over there and talk to her, and they won't be screaming about bloody revolutions of the lack. Have any agenda or questions to ask? I suppose we have to go say hello, but can we get anything out of that? We're going to walk right up to her? Why not? I mean, this is the shindig. All right.
Starting point is 01:08:21 It's what I do. But if she says that Torbeck is the one, the kid is not Torbeck son. Torbeck, what the fuck are you talking about? Torbeck's not really sure. It's just just bubbling up inside of door back and coming right out. He's just one pair of panties and you just go fucking insane. Well, it might be the panties.
Starting point is 01:08:46 It might be the assless chaps. Who is to say? All right. Well, let's, I mean, just don't. Bricko, if I remove this, can we drop all talk of royal executions? Mm. For the real revolution. Exactly the last one.
Starting point is 01:09:16 You just needed to get out. Hmm, wee wee. Okay. All right, fine. I don't know, like, rip it like I'm like, I'm acting a mustache. I'm, oh. I am retired. We just gave Grico a grilion.
Starting point is 01:09:40 I was working on that mustache for five years. What, you got a mustache? That's as far as you got in five years? That's good to deep. It smashed cuts like a hyper-realistic painting of like just tiny things. They're like tiny things. In the wax, yeah. There's like three hairs.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. As all this is happening, you hear a squeal, loud commotion, and a bunch of laughter. And you realize that in one corner of the, one corner of the ballroom, there is a circle, a crowd of people, and they're all staring at something. And some of them are gasping and looking shocked. Others are guffawing. There's clearly something interesting happening off to the side.
Starting point is 01:10:32 I look for Twigsie. She is nowhere to be seen. What? Where you keeping an eye on Twigsie? Where is she? Did she stay in the room? I don't know. I don't recall.
Starting point is 01:10:45 I came down here with us, but I'd just assume she'd be getting the party started. You know what I mean? I mean, it's a party, right? Is it possible that all that cruel laughter is to do with a drunk twig? Oh, man, I don't know any Michael Daxon song titles that are relevant to this situation, but, well, we could check it out. I suppose we could.
Starting point is 01:11:12 I'll waddle over there with you. I know you don't hear this a lot, Frosty, But I think that in this one specific instance, you might have been right about getting her some of the drink. Thank you for admitting that now. Well, you know what they say about Ironside? Come on. I walk over with Gideon to see what the commotion is about. You walk over and they make room for you and you're able to squeeze in.
Starting point is 01:11:39 And what you see is a, there are tables that line these walls spaced here and there. for people to get off of their feet and enjoy a drink and to relax a little between dances and things. And what you see is Twig in her full regalia with bang-bang unholstered as she is looking down at a very dapper elderly Bullywag who is sprawled on the floor. He looks like he's actually been hit aside the head and knocked unconscious. As Twig staggers around on top of the table. And everyone is just howling with laughter. They don't really know what to do with her.
Starting point is 01:12:27 She stumbles this way and that. And she steps directly off the table and would normally plummet. But one of the Bullywugs lifts her over and places her back on the table. It's very clear that this has happened a few times. And you're able to see very quickly that even more people are beginning to mill about. And though it is entertaining in sort, Twink seems to be okay. She's very intoxicated. But the Bullywugs, even though she has knocked this man unconscious, he are almost unconscious,
Starting point is 01:12:58 he is laughing on the floor. He's holding, they've got ice up to his head, and he is just having the time of his life. You're not quite sure what transpired here to get to this point, but they all seem fairly enchanted by her. And you are able to see that it leaves the portion of the room where Bavlornah is seated, and the king are seated, fairly uncrowded. and that if there is an opportunity to gain an audience with her, it is probably now. Walt Twig is stealing the show.
Starting point is 01:13:30 I'm frozen. I take it all back, man. We weren't right at all. She's doing right over here. Hey, hit him again, Twigzy. Okay, you got it. Big, bang, bang. Smash a random bullet.
Starting point is 01:13:46 He's starting laughing. Oh, that man, not do digging that. If you get lit tired, do not sleep. Yeah. Oh, man, that guy's not making it. Yeah. All right. Let's go talk to Babylon.
Starting point is 01:14:01 This wasn't a problem at all. Yes. We walk over to Butler. You're just going to walk straight up to her? Well, backwards. Yeah, he's walking backwards. I'm sort of walking. They're walking sideways.
Starting point is 01:14:20 I think of it. No, no, they walk forward. I'm thinking of a cramp. The king in Bavlornah appear to be deep in conversation. As you begin to approach, her eyes move this way and that. You notice that one of them is firmly focused on the commotion that's happening around twig. The other one, however, is dirty this way and that between each of you. And as you get close enough, she whispers something to the king.
Starting point is 01:14:48 He nods. He looks to all of you. He bows slightly. You see his wig begin to slip as it almost falls off of his clearly hairless frog head. But he holds it tight to him as he actually steps away and leaves the room through a side door, leaving you alone with Bavlornah. She, the one eye trailing all of you as you walk up. So you have come to see me.
Starting point is 01:15:18 me. What a do? No, Madam Brazil. And I'll reach out to grab her hand. You are aflame. But she... You just get wax all over. You are enchanting.
Starting point is 01:15:34 She pulls her hand back and there are strings of wax that are hard dang as she pulls away. Apologies for that. Let me just take it. That he's not only a wax. That he's mostly a wax. She might have enjoyed it, man. Give her a chance to just so get in the experience. You know? Some people like that kind of thing.
Starting point is 01:15:49 This seems to have a nice effect on my fence. It is a great moisturizer. She rubs, she begins to rub the wax into her hands. The dryness of her skin immediately causes it to begin to crack and crumble onto the ground. Greetings. My name is Count Grumple of Bogbottom. and what is your real name? Well, I mean, we're trying to be respectful of the people at the,
Starting point is 01:16:29 this here masquerade and a ball or whatever the fuck it is, and we were given these names when we were made members of the court. I do not like when people lie to me. It makes me very uncomfortable. He was given the name Lord crumpled up or whatever. My sisters are quite the liars. Did they send you to talk to me? me.
Starting point is 01:16:53 Who are your sisters? Tiske, I can sense the deception in your voice. I've never forgotten a sister a day of my life, I don't think. Not that I can remember. Roll a
Starting point is 01:17:06 persuasion check. I would say add advantage. Ton, ton, ton. My name is Marisza. I'm glad. Um,
Starting point is 01:17:24 uh, um, 20. With a natural 20. I will stop talking after this. You do look like the kind of person that would keep tabs on his sister. Oh, thank you. For probably nefarious reasons. Oh, well, well, they wouldn't consider it that way. You are dressed very strangely for members of the Sochi court.
Starting point is 01:17:54 We were dressed by Brownie, and we were just trying to, you know. The one that punches the elderly? Yeah. It was using the tacky stage pirate accent. Yeah, I mean, you know, she means well. She's drunk. A busy prank, bro. They seem to like it.
Starting point is 01:18:15 Well, we wanted to meet you officially. We can see you of the guest of Anna. I was invited by myself. Oh. Or you may think the king. use these lens, but no, it is I, Bavlornna. And my Lorna, since she motions to the side of her, and you see the two Lornelings peek out from either side.
Starting point is 01:18:44 Oh, I have a feeling, you've been Conan. What do the Lauren wings look like? They are, they look like little versions of Bavlornna. Oh, but where she is much more frog-like, they are more lithe and small, but they have very similar features. Their eyes going all over the place. Their mouths are clearly agape.
Starting point is 01:19:07 These the creatures I saw. Do they what? Like almost impish? Yeah, I can show you a photo. And these are the same creatures that I saw bathing. They are the same creatures. One of them stole Hoosie. So I'm looking.
Starting point is 01:19:23 A little swamp pain comes up into my mouth and then I swallow it back down. It's a slum pain. Yes. Oh. Hey everybody, Gary Goodberry here. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of adventress
Starting point is 01:19:44 and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including monthly movie nights and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked mood.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, A folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck and more.
Starting point is 01:20:12 Thanks. Goodbye. I had the feeling that you were awfully cunning to be able to establish yourself high and mighty above this whole town. I do have my impressive traits. cunning is one of them well up have you lost
Starting point is 01:20:44 anything have we lost anything in particular or you had something in mind in terms of what we may lost do you come to Warner to make a deal
Starting point is 01:21:01 you lose something you need me to help you get it back you're my dancing back you've lost your ability to dance? I technically, no. I mean, I didn't lose it. I bought something with it.
Starting point is 01:21:19 It was stolen from you. Well, I think technically Grammy would call it like a fair trade. I could help you to get your dancing back. Oh. Well. Well, well. Well, this situation's
Starting point is 01:21:41 looking up. And you look like you're missing something from the very soul, the very core of your being. Oh, now that the cat is out of the bag, uh, yes. Oh, shit. Was that what I was supposed to say? And do you miss it? Do you want it back? I have lost two things as Frost. I've exchanged an ounce of my fear. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:22:12 and I have lost what was taken for me by the rapid folk when we first arrived in Prismere my memory of the kind gesture that Grico gave me by producing that whistle. So I guess the answer is yes, but do I get a sense that one is more important or that I'm feeling that I'm losing either of those things or do I not care? I would say you know that something is lost. You don't, because they've been taken from you, I would say you don't understand the gravity of what was taken, but you do know something was taken from you. And you may want it back. And I think because of how Smart Frost is, you would have the understanding that your perception of its value would have been altered by the fact that you have no memory of it.
Starting point is 01:23:05 It is hard to know of the value of what has been taken. but I... I would think that something like memory would be priceless for you are the only one
Starting point is 01:23:23 who's ever able to experience it the way you did. What a shame to lose something so unique. So intrinsically, I actually had not thought of it that way, perhaps by its nature of how it had been taken.
Starting point is 01:23:46 And who knows how you have changed with its loss? Hmm. And you? Silver-eyed alligator. Silver eyes and silver tongue? Kind of fits, doesn't it? But, I mean, you know, I see what you're getting at. Yeah, I did trade them away.
Starting point is 01:24:14 It was fair and square, but. If you could have them back the way they were, would you want to have it? Depends what the terms of that sort of arrangement might detail. Hmm, interesting. What are you thinking? Is that something you could help us with? You, little candleman. Oh, mademoiselle.
Starting point is 01:24:46 French bread. I am not sure you are the type I can help. Oh, I have lost something very precious to me. The words you seek to recover are neither important nor necessary. The deal was for the best. Best to keep things as they are and not alter the course of things. I blew you to reconsider there. And then you mark it of the king.
Starting point is 01:25:24 Oh, only missing one thing currently, and Rimmel's pretty sure that nobody can give a lat back. And it's just time. A whole years you have been parted from your friends. Sounds about right. I can see the time stretch between you like strands. You have walked time. timelines differently. The Feywild is in you now, isn't it? And you can hear you knocking at the door?
Starting point is 01:26:16 No. Hmm. A way to sever the connection that he holds to keep the power in your hands, not his? It could be interesting to someone like you, don't you think? Um, Rimmel's not so sure on to answer. No, you would not be. But the time is nigh for you to perform and make a learn a laugh. We'll talk after. I invite you to dinner at my house tomorrow. And we will talk more, yes?
Starting point is 01:26:57 Oh, what's on the menu? I'm so hungry. It will be a surprise. I will make something you will love. And the smile she has on her face is incredibly wide, far wider than you would expect her mouth to be able to move, but it does. You can think about what you've lost and what you would be willing to
Starting point is 01:27:24 barter with to get it back. Very high prize. imitation accepted and you know if you're looking for some capable fellas to take care of some things for you and just
Starting point is 01:27:40 you know let us know we might be able to make a deal we will talk at dinner it was really lovely will you be a judge at the contest of Electron Cef no I will
Starting point is 01:27:54 not be I may not be able to attend the cooking show but I will be here In Sacri-Boo! You must have ended. You can even know him. Just get back to you. Oh, good.
Starting point is 01:28:09 Did you double book yourself tonight? You can't make it to Electrum Chef? You got other plans? Not that it is any of your business. Damn. That's another fuck you moment, huh? I know. Jesus.
Starting point is 01:28:23 I mean, when you're as powerful as she is, you can do that sort of thing. Yeah. I'm sorry. What were you going to say? This is twice now, you dare to interrupt that woman a light straw, and I so kindly offer you my assistance in reclaiming that which you have lost. Do you find this to be all right the way you speak to your betters? Were you sent by them, my sisters?
Starting point is 01:28:53 To be disrespectful? No, I mean, no, no, no, no. Did scabby send you to my domain? No, no, no, no. You know of skebitha. Only just because you just said her name. I mean, I don't know. These, these guys said skebby.
Starting point is 01:29:14 Did she say scabatha earlier? We know of scabith. Her eyes dart this way and that. I'm normally pretty confused by lots of stuff. So, I mean, I couldn't have just lost the situation. I wasn't really too far into it. I'll spit on the ground and it'll be a huge glob of wax
Starting point is 01:29:34 slowly going down. Oh, are you suffering from wax fumes intake? Probably. No, you idiot. Oh, man. What a fuck used in this conversation and I'm just trying to have a party.
Starting point is 01:29:49 Damn, everybody's just fitting in. We were herried by the minions of scabita. Oh, that was my fun. I get on Z. You wax, like, sticking the hairs of your butt cheeks together.
Starting point is 01:30:08 Oh, that'll never come out. You know how much hair, Torvite is gonna lose? Somebody's gonna have to shave him. Oh, I look like the antagonist of the 2005. Horror film, House of Wax. Starring Alicia Cootberg. It's the entran Michael Murray. I feel like we just pull it off and the hair will come free.
Starting point is 01:30:35 It doesn't seem that big a deal. Apologies for any offense that you may have taken at any of this. And I think whatever you might be able to gain from our assistance, maybe you could return in kind with providing something we may have lost or I would assume. Many come to me to make deals. And they always look away. Very happy customers. You will not be any different.
Starting point is 01:31:10 Tomorrow night. All right. When the fireflies take flight. Add to the trail of mushrooms. Oh, been there. And let the lornlings lead your path. All right. Fireflies, mushrooms.
Starting point is 01:31:30 and longings all right well it's been a plan and I will see you in your show if I am impressed I will make sure you are rewarded
Starting point is 01:31:45 tomorrow night that will be performing well it's been so long since I have seen a play or an opera oh what was the last one you saw was it good
Starting point is 01:32:00 no oh well Oh, he holds well. Before we bid you adieu, mademoiselle. The theater is my sister's domain. What I'm south piggy to. Is that the one where he goes to the big city? These are just a papery runs.
Starting point is 01:32:22 Oh, is this the one where she cracks the quadratic equation? Before we bid you adieu, and do now. I must implore you to try the great stuff. He's delicious. You may go now. It is time for you to prepare. Find your little frog friend, the boy.
Starting point is 01:32:55 He will lead you to the opera house. I will be in box number two if you want to look for me. We will. I thank you for more inviting us to be. be your guest. That was funny. I was waiting for the right up and duty. I kill you.
Starting point is 01:33:20 What a dude. Pleasure. Chachin. We'll knock your socks off. Guaranteed. She sticks her little legs out and you see her long, spindly toes or cracked toenails and she wiggles them at you.
Starting point is 01:33:39 Oh. It says nothing. I'll tip my... So I'm picturing that these lobster costumes just like Kigus. Yeah, like felt like... Yeah, basically. And we have my little mittens on.
Starting point is 01:33:51 Yeah. That's just like a big onezy. But I put my hat over top of it with the eye stock still up in front. And I'll tip my hat and I'll turn. And I'll start looking for the red shirt. I mean, William. He's easy to find.
Starting point is 01:34:06 He's still standing at the entrance. He's basically... Facing the door, he is on the right side, and he is holding his trumpet, just doing his job. You are making your way towards the entrance to the ballroom directly towards Billy. When you hear a loud thud and a gasp, and you look over to the side of the room where Twig had been performing for everyone, You see that some of them have parted, and she is face down on the table snoring loudly. She's not going to be able to do the perform. Well, let's help her.
Starting point is 01:34:55 Yeah. Did you know, I mean, oh, oh, oh, let's bear me from my fate. You're responsible! I hate this. I took two twists out. You've been fearful. No. No, it's not a...
Starting point is 01:35:11 It's not a... It's not a... I point as wax covers my face and I look like the primary antagonist from 2005 horror film House of Wax starring Paris Hilton. Oh, brief. I shouldn't she in that one? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:27 Look, would she cook for? Yeah. I refuse to take responsibility for this. Not because it's not my fault, I just refuse to take responsibility. Well, at least go collect... Yeah, yeah, I'm going right now. That's a little lobster hands, man. Come on.
Starting point is 01:35:44 Come on. No, I can get it. I'll scoop her up. Yeah, scoop her up. No one seems to get in your way as you quickly scoop up the unconscious twig. She is snoring and drooling on herself, but you were able to collect her and make your way towards Billy. So put her head. Yeah, obviously.
Starting point is 01:36:01 Oh, that's too. Hey, it's Billy here. I know, yes. I saw the red shirt, yep. Yeah, I actually forgot your name, so thanks for that. Jimmy is the other trumpeteer. Billy and Jimmy? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:18 Okay. Yeah. Just two of you? Yeah, he's my cousin, Jimmy Wug. Jimmy Wug. Jimmy Wug. And Billy Wug. James and William Wug.
Starting point is 01:36:31 Your parents must be so brown. That's two trumpeteers in the family, like, your age. Yeah, they are. I mean, that is pretty impressive, given how young... Yeah, for the king. Perhaps one day they'll write a story. of you both. You should just take us to the opera house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get you guys down there. It's not that far. And it's not. It doesn't take you that long, even with Grico's candlestickory body, to make your way down to the opera house. You are making your way down toward to the very first floor of the soggy palace. And as you descend the grand staircase, you realize that it is partially submerged and as you get to the bottom you are put into boats and you traverse the rooms of the
Starting point is 01:37:22 soggy court the first floor of the soggy court as you're going this way and that until you find yourselves at another stairwell that leads up and you you send and walk through different hallways until you eventually open up into a beautiful grand theater. And it is pristine. There's no sign of moss or algae. It is, it looks like it's well-kempt, or at least it was well-cleaned today. And you are quickly shown around the different boxes. Box number two is pointed out to you as that is where Gavlorno will be watching.
Starting point is 01:38:04 What? What's so funny about box number two? Nothing. That's funny. Please continue. That's very funny. What? That's pretty funny.
Starting point is 01:38:18 I'm just going to say number two. Is it really a poop joke? Number two? Number two is funny. Number two is poop. Everyone knows number two is poo. You're gaslighting me or something. No, no. You don't know that number two is poop.
Starting point is 01:38:33 Number one is peepee. Kelsey is to die somewhere. Kelsey's just laughing our ass off. She doesn't get a lot. That's all. I'm gonna do a hat every time you say it, and then we'll move on. But is that necessary?
Starting point is 01:38:50 It's not necessary. But you're gonna do it anyway. I don't have to do it if you want me to do it. I'm gonna look out for snail number two. And Bob's number two. And he's not there. But you are able to determine that this is the box that Beth Larno will be watching from.
Starting point is 01:39:06 You are also able to see the King's box, which is the direct middle of the theater and has clearly the best view, you are led down into the orchestra pit and through a door towards the back of the orchestra pit, up into the deep recesses of the theater until you find yourselves in what is clearly a theatrical dressing room. There are bully wugs darting this way and that as they, as they collect things and begin to set up things and you are informed very quickly that you are able to give whatever orders you need they will either create or find whatever prop designs and set designs that you need and all of the all of the costumes that you need
Starting point is 01:39:54 and it doesn't it doesn't take long once you're back there to for grico to take control you quickly change out of your outfits and put on just standard standard cozy fare as you take the opportunity to direct the stage hands. We need something a little bit more medieval. Well, we can ask them to perhaps construct a set. You've done everything else so far. I am genuinely impressed by the amount of music, the libretto. You've written the lyrics.
Starting point is 01:40:30 You've created music for 90 to 100 musicians, all with counterpoint and 44 different types of instruments. This is remarkable. How did you find time to do this in the... the last 24 hours. Frosty, it's an interesting place being in my head. An interesting place being on my skin now, and there's a bunch of crasty wax.
Starting point is 01:40:50 You've swallowed a lot of wax, too, I've noticed. I don't feel so good. No, you should probably find a restroom. I am retired. Something like a waxative would probably go right through you. You think... How long have you been sitting on that one?
Starting point is 01:41:05 What? How long have you been sitting on that one? Also, a while. I just hope the bassoon players have the right umbershire for the music that I've written for this production. Did you hire the Frog Harmonic Orchestra? Oh, that's pretty good. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:41:30 That's pretty good. We had a Frog Harmonic Orchestra back in Goblin, Tano, just a Bollywark with a harmonica. It's all he was. Okay. Well, I mean, I feel like we've, wait, if there's an orchestra. Yeah. I wonder, hey, guys, I know he said that we wouldn't commit any war crimes than I.
Starting point is 01:41:51 Did we? No, I think we did. No, we just told Twig not to do that. I don't think we committed. No, that also applies to us. No war crimes. No war crimes. No war crimes.
Starting point is 01:42:02 No. Okay. Not even one. Okay. What kind of fucking war, what? I'm just saying it. I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
Starting point is 01:42:10 Does somebody is she more drunk? No, no. I'm not, I'm not suggesting that we actually come in the war grounds. I'm suggesting
Starting point is 01:42:20 we take a little page from from Mr. Tare Antino and why don't we put in the glorious bastards on
Starting point is 01:42:35 Blavona. Why don't we sabotage to show box. Why? Why? Why would we do that? What could we possibly get out of doing such a fucking stupid thing
Starting point is 01:42:52 surrounded by potential enemies? Well, we... And I think... Remember, the name of the game is false flag. We pinnit on scabify. I fucking hate scabify. We're screwed on that. The false flag operation is done.
Starting point is 01:43:10 We've already given away the whole goose. She was able to sense our sales instantly. Whatever alibi we had in mind is going to be seen through immediately by her, and she'll assume that way was us. Why would she assume that? Yeah, why would she assume that? We were just maybe over there in the vicinity, getting robbed of all the things and make us us. It seems very convenient.
Starting point is 01:43:30 She could make a deduction. I'm feeling very devious tonight, guys. Yeah, apparently. I feel like, what if we check her box? Okay, we still false flag. We still false flag, okay? Yeah, obviously. But we say that we found a weapon or something from the little fe we bartered with.
Starting point is 01:43:56 I'm with you. I love this plan. And we say, oh, we saved you, Bovlona. We saved it, eh. Does anyone got anything kind of thunder-related? or cloud-like. So you tell them me we're going to walk up to the box
Starting point is 01:44:11 and be like, oh, we found this live grenade in your box. He just saved the day. Oh, couldn't he put it down. We're careful with that. Oh, what are you doing? 15 minutes to curtain ball. 15 minutes. I haven't had time
Starting point is 01:44:29 to practice and I barely can keep any tune at all. Oh, Twixie. We need to get in the inn so we can get Hootsie out. We need to get it in costume. Go back. Come over here. Goody, wake up. Okay. I need you to just do something real gross in front of her.
Starting point is 01:44:43 Wake her up with your smell. What does that mean? I just stand there and I just smell bad. I don't know how you think I can, Torbeck can just do this on demand. Yeah, wait a second. Keep talking, but I'm going to stand right next to Twiggs' nose. Just keep talking about it.
Starting point is 01:44:59 Okay, I'll just keep talking to Gideon. You know, Torbeck doesn't know what. Oh, she's roused. She's rousing. It's working. It's working. Keep going. She's rousting.
Starting point is 01:45:08 I don't understand. D'Rex, D'Rex, doesn't understand. As a Cattlebubris, Jim. Move her closer to the asslessness. She starts clearly dreaming of this thing she calls a Catoblepess as she attempts to punch it with Gideon in tow. Oh. Well, I really thought of this word. That's all D'Rbeck's got.
Starting point is 01:45:28 Gidon, it's this thing to excursure in existence. Is it cataplepus. Well, something's getting through. And sometimes people call it a Cotobapus. But really. Who knows? All right, well, Torbeck's smell couldn't wake her up. I think she's lost.
Starting point is 01:45:43 Stage hand, stage hand. What? What? What? Are you, that worked? I guess. Sure. Yes.
Starting point is 01:45:53 That, I am talking to you. We need to get inside of your tiny house made large so that we can get a hootsie out. Oh, that's going to be a problem. I can't let you in Barcama hootsie out. Oh, well, that's what we need. Yeah, we just need a hootsey. Oh, okay. And she reaches down.
Starting point is 01:46:09 What? You just make yourself a cup of, you know, displace a beast, while you're down, man, just to chipping yourself up a little bit. She opens the door to her little purse, and Hootsie was waiting there, and she quickly hops out,
Starting point is 01:46:24 and within seconds is Hootze-sized. Oh, Hootsey, oh, it's been so long, I missed you. I hope you're enjoying your fly, oh, you've been very busy and distracted. Gosh, it works for wonders. God, best coaches all ever made. Anyone, it's time to get you, you're going to be a knot.
Starting point is 01:46:42 Here are your lines, here you go. What do you mean? Uncle Gideon has some stage fright juice. No, no, no, no, that's alcohol, isn't it? Oh, yeah, well, it's definitely alcohol. Oh, did you say you needed some stage fright juice? Oh, what about a song syrup? The song syrup?
Starting point is 01:47:04 Oh, yes. If you're not naturally in. inclined to performances of singing well. I can get you some songs, syrup. When do you whistle and allow you to sing like an angel? I'll take three. All right. Just one moment.
Starting point is 01:47:22 And he walks over to a cabinet and rifles through and brings out a tray filled with quite a few bottles, I'd say, about six bottles of song syrup and stage fright juice. And this will make me able to sing and perform. Sunny, if you can't carry a tune now, you sure we'll be able to soon. Drink it down, drink it down. That's Jesus. Well played. What play.
Starting point is 01:47:59 How are you feeling? Do I feel different? No. I feel the same. Try singing a song. No, wait, don't. Just channel it. You can do this.
Starting point is 01:48:11 Save it. Don't ruin it. What if you only have so many goes? I'll save it up. Nobody talks to me. Everyone wants to have, I'm not going to have some other voice of a angel already. Does anyone need one?
Starting point is 01:48:25 No. Not for me. I'm all natural. Torbeck? Torbeck is beyond help. Okay. Take work. You can go? I mean, sure.
Starting point is 01:48:34 I mean, you know, this was outlawed in the Battle of the Bands, But you know, I'll take a little bit of performance enhancing magic, you know what I mean? He's for the ball of the band. Crummy. Crummy? Crammy, bad. My voice isn't too bad. Crammy? Do it, Crummy. Do it, Crummy.
Starting point is 01:48:51 Okay. Hoopsy. Are you okay? Are you okay, Cremie? What? Cremie, are you okay? Are you okay, Crimmie? People keep saying that. I don't really understand.
Starting point is 01:49:03 Oh, I don't know you're getting flushed in the cheeks. Ten minutes of curtain. Oh! And I'll say, presenting Sir Morgow and the Wart Nardt. And I've been spending this whole time getting Hootzey, a very ill-fitting night costume. And so she'll be like this. Like when you put your chunky dog into a costume.
Starting point is 01:49:28 I love it. And like, oh, it fits perfectly. You are so perfect, Hootzi. And now remember to do your stylish jigslist. for each of the acts, you know, it's really not a free act, but it's more of an Avanti Garde, production telling a chivalric romance.
Starting point is 01:49:50 And oh, you're also the key core to this propaganda? We're going to change some calls on. Anyway, I know I can trust you to perform. And all the while this is happening, there are Bullywugs. Bullywug stage hands darting about the place, constantly
Starting point is 01:50:08 asking you what you need. You are getting outfitted. Everyone, including Twig, is now outfitted in the proper costumes. You have been able to direct them as to the lighting changes. The orchestra has been given the composition, the music.
Starting point is 01:50:27 There are set set up, cues, and Gricko is somehow, for the sake of brevity, able to easily manage this entire troupe of theater Bollywags as you notice, you hear the theater filling,
Starting point is 01:50:48 and then you see the lights dim as the candles are turned down just a little bit. All of the oil lamps are turned down just a little bit. And you know that you have minutes, five minutes, to curtain call. I know it may be a little late to change this, but given that there are frogs, Do you think that we should call us a opera?
Starting point is 01:51:13 Oh, it's too late. All right, right, right. Oh, no, no, I didn't mean. I shouldn't have said anything. Why didn't you say that earlier, Frosty? I was trying to say, well, now I'm going to be in my head. Oh, no. All you know is a little...
Starting point is 01:51:25 Mm-hmm, hmm, hmm, mm-hmm. Fuck. Froster, you look really, you look just like Wigglewark when we found him alive and perfectly fun. Unlike those big poofy pants. Just proper. Oh, yeah, the... The pants.
Starting point is 01:51:39 You look like a true troubadour. Yes, yes, thank you. I feel in character. I'm very, very nervous, but I will do my best for you. Frosty, I thank you. Everyone has their roles, and we're going to need the costume changes.
Starting point is 01:51:56 All of us are basically, Oh, yes, it's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. Remember, we're all in every scene, so because, you know, it's one of those things you want to pay actors a whole bunch of money, so we'd have people repeat the same roles and it's kind of cringe,
Starting point is 01:52:07 Is it hot in here? Yes. Is there my feeling like they're about a best out? Doorback will do his best. Oh, yeah. It's going to be fine. Just focus your mind. I'm doing the same.
Starting point is 01:52:20 To the best of my ability, just relax. It will. Breathing. You're not twigling no more. You're willa. Just imagine the whole audience naked, all right? You'll do fine out there. Ew.
Starting point is 01:52:31 Oh, good. Oh, just the word of warning. Remember that nothing rhymes with all. Orange, purple, or silver. Don't fall for that trap twice, Dorback. Orange? What about Doorhenge? That's a cheap cop out.
Starting point is 01:52:48 Get out of here, Frost. Yeah, it is a cheap cop out. Get out of here, Frost, Dave. But what about Nerple? That rhymes with Gurpal. Oh. Doorback's not sure that's a real word, but maybe. What about Gurpul?
Starting point is 01:53:03 Also unsure. Oh, is Gurpul like a Faitwildwood? No. Sounds kind of like a flavor. You definitely could have convinced Torbeck that that was a Fay Wilder. I don't think that Sylvan counts as giving points in the game of scribble, so I'll think that... Do you imagine there's about a minute left?
Starting point is 01:53:24 I need to take my cue. All I've got to do is read the... I mean, can I have the script down on stage? Well, yeah, just just plow. Yeah, just read it on the set. I know. Remember, I'm going out and you all be wearing a full. I'll be wearing the frog suit from Super Mario Brothers 3 with the tuxedo.
Starting point is 01:53:44 With the tuxedo. It's so good. Okay. And I'll remember I will be the narrator until I have the final role of Scaref. Okay. Okay. Are you all ready? Just give me the word and I'll start things.
Starting point is 01:54:03 As ready as possible. The lights dim all the way and you begin to hear the stage hands call out places, places, everyone. It's time to, it's curtain call. Lusory, and it changes. Places, places. And everyone begins to move into place. So you take your places on the right side of the stage.
Starting point is 01:54:25 I will take my cue. And you hear the trumpeteers. And then you hear a voice. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. Welcome Soggy Court to the theater, the Soggy Palace. Today we have a very special event. The newest members of the Soggy Court will be performing an opera.
Starting point is 01:54:56 From them to the stage. And there's a light spattering of applause as the Bullywug makes her way off of the stage. The lights dim almost completely. The orchestra starts up with the beginning number as the curtain rises. As the curtain rises, you'll see that as a light is just on Grico. And as he walks, as I walk to the center of stage
Starting point is 01:55:34 and it's with my flipper from my fraud costume. And I will say, tonight's opera and I'll give a wink to Frost off stage presented by Carnival lique
Starting point is 01:55:49 tells a tale of comedy tragedy drama and romance I present the chivalric
Starting point is 01:56:02 romance of Sir Morgo and the wart night immediately the crowd He said Sam Mugah. You mean that traitorous night? And the crowd is confused and scared and nervous.
Starting point is 01:56:24 But they continue to watch. Enjoy. And I will bow as the second. You hear a bit of clapping. Don't clap it, that's Simon. And you'll hear, uh, and I'll actually blow my out, Karina. as I play a cheesy medieval like trumpet,
Starting point is 01:56:52 as I walk off stage as the curtain raises. And you will see a stage that it's set, however the bully wolves would do it. You're the DM now. And it's all just like painted driftwood, all stitched together like a stage play. A sixth grade stage play. And there'll be like a weeping willows,
Starting point is 01:57:14 and it's just like streamers that are hanging down. Perfect. And there will just be Frost in his outfit, as you can describe yourself. And then Hootsie will just be at the center as the light shines down
Starting point is 01:57:27 as she just sitting out looking at the crowd with a little night outfit. And I'll say, Arteu begins. As my voice will boom out magically. With the honorable
Starting point is 01:57:42 Narch, Morgh, the knight of what, setting out from her town of downfall, alone, into far reaches, unknown, except for her dearest friend, the beloved troubadour wiggle wog. And music will start playing as, uh, as uh, uh, hootsie will get up and just start to do a little dance. I'll step forward and I imagine the music swells. Well, music swells, yeah. All right, France.
Starting point is 01:58:15 Let's see if you can do this. A legend is sung of when Morga was young. A bully-wug, brave and bold, their goal to provide with sword by her side that downfall would ever be home. Each feet by her hand should be shared and adored. Now see her deeds in this course. I can't do it anymore.
Starting point is 01:59:01 The great night of war. Oh my god. Roll a performance check in and a He always sing like that. We didn't know we had it in him. You think that was the joke? I should have drank some of that damn juice. And we have to follow him!
Starting point is 01:59:26 Is that still an option? Fuck, 7% billy-bill-b. Why did I start at such a high octave? Performance, you say. Yes, at advantage. 17. Immediately. At first, the crowd is caught off guard.
Starting point is 01:59:44 They're exclaiming about Morgo, but then you begin to sing. And everybody quiets as a hushfuls over the theater. You finish your song. and there is silence. And then the crowd of rucks and applause. And you hear, Simon, Plop!
Starting point is 02:00:05 Simon can't do a damn thing. I'll turn. Shocked. Like, I'm actually like to say them to say them there's silent for like a little longer than I should be. Oh. What does the rest of my scene? Grigo,
Starting point is 02:00:19 I've lost it. How did I do that? Hoosie's looking at you with really wide out. lies too, as she's never seen for us to do that, and then she turns into the clapping bear from Harvey Birdman attorney at law. And then you see as Hucci stands up on her hind legs, and she puts her paw to her head
Starting point is 02:00:42 and looks around and points around, and then looks and then sits back down. Yes. Morgo, the very wise and brave you are to point the direction. as we have only just met, but I can already tell that you are a strong and fearless night. And she looks up at you, like, expectingly. Ah, that is exactly right. We have much evil to defeat in this land, people to protect and aid to provide succor.
Starting point is 02:01:12 Sucor? Sucor? Yes, yes, yes. And we have to make our way to seek out. our quests. At this point, there's like a piece of dust that's getting caught in the lights of the stage play,
Starting point is 02:01:32 and it's caught Hoosie's attention, and she's now on her back, like, batting it around. Very wise of you, yes, I can tell that you care about your principles and your chivalric code of honor very much.
Starting point is 02:01:48 I will join you, and I will write stories about you, and I will sing of your your tail and it's not like I'm falling in love with you or anything there's certainly none of that happening and then a single spotlight hit me and I walk out to the edge of the stage I am just a simple troubadour no trouble do I seek I just wanted a few coin for my song and dance last week will this bewitching fighter seduce this humble writer
Starting point is 02:02:27 Oh, what's a troubadour to Roller performance, I get it! Unbelievable. The crowd immediately erupts and applause, and you hear, who is this man? Who is the dolecent tone, Simon? Get off your device.
Starting point is 02:03:03 damn fly pad. Yeah, yeah, let's make our way. And we will go and we'll seek out the, you're one of your many great first deeds, let's say. And with that, the walk off stage as the curtain will drop as... The audience applause. They're incredibly happy to start. As Rick was running behind stage, he's pulling off his stuff,
Starting point is 02:03:30 and he's getting into his new costume change. and then he'll call out And so, the brave, brave Sir Morgot And the knight of warts Went off with her dear companion Wigglewog Who was very deep in the friend zone at this point Brave, brave Sir Morgos Went forth and on her way
Starting point is 02:03:59 She was not afraid to die, no, Brave Sir Margo, Brave, brave, brave, brave, brave, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Margo. And as this, there is a, and I was like, oh, stage it, come up, come on. And then Frost, yeah, Frost and Hootsie are walking along. And then there are a bunch of frogs in black turtlenecks.
Starting point is 02:04:20 Trees. Trees. Yeah, movie trees and shoves around. And as they're going back and forth, as there is a walking montage. And so, they said, looking for frogs and other folks of the swamp to help and aid, as that is what brave not do of good character,
Starting point is 02:04:42 who should not be executed by the crown, until they arrived at the Slanty Tower, and brave, brave Sir Mogo held her owl bear, I mean, frog appendage to her ear and heard the song of beautiful singing, coming from the highest chamber trapped away in the slanty tower. I use Mage Hand to tickle her ear a little bit so that Hootze actually does like... Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 02:05:16 Did you sense dangers, Ur-Morg? You're always so attuned to the moral right and wrong. And on stage left, there's a large slanty tower. This is very clearly just a bunch of boxes. backed up, but there is, and it's painted so it is very slanty. But in the window, you see? The little window, so the boxes will actually just be as tall as Torbeck. And there'll be a little curtain at the top of the boxes, and the window will part,
Starting point is 02:05:48 the little curtain will part, and Torbeck will be there in this beautiful pink pointy hat with a pink dress playing with Torbeck's hair. Oh, it's Tormeck's time to shine! Tormec is playing Princess Torbeca tonight. You're announcing this to be honest. Yes, yeah. I got allowed to say it. Torbeck will reach down and pull out
Starting point is 02:06:13 the tiny tin whistle from the match. Oh. Torbeck, Torbeck, Torback, Torback, Torback, Torback, Torback, Torback, Torback, torbeck. Midnight not to sound from the pavement Has the moon lost her memory? Torbeca's smiling alone In the lamplight,
Starting point is 02:06:46 The withered leaves Collect at her feet And the wind Begins to moan Memon in the moonlight Torbeca dreams of the old days. Life was beautiful then. Torbeca remembers the time she knew what happiness was.
Starting point is 02:07:21 Let the memory live again. Day right. Torbeca waits for the sunrise. She must think of a new life And she mustn't give in When the dawn comes Tonight will be a memory too And a new day
Starting point is 02:07:55 Will begin That was Dormbeka's song The audience erupts in applause. No role necessary. As Frost has paved the way for this, there is not a dry eye in the house. You can hear the sounds of Simon blubbering
Starting point is 02:08:20 above them all, as everybody feels for Torbeka's play. Was that okay, Grico? Yeah, just remember your lines. Keep it well done. I hope someone were to come see, Princess Torbeck. That's your chance, Sir Morgo. You have a deed, a feat, an ability.
Starting point is 02:08:45 Use your great strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma in order to send the tower and save Torbeca. And so the brave, brave Sir Morgo faced with her first task as a knight. A very typical classic one, the audience is familiar. with saving a princess it doesn't get more classic than that and then you'll hear a you'll hear like all a rattling as there's very someone very clearly someone with Maracas that sounds like the rattlesnake and then Grico will look at you and we're all dressed snakes I put these in like a big tooth sock
Starting point is 02:09:38 and I'm just like it covers my head Oh my head Oh it's there morgo Watch out Dangerous snakes Oh no Hey you I'm the snake named snake
Starting point is 02:10:03 I make spaghetti Just like every snake I don't got no hand And if you try to meet the princess And I'm gonna really just awkwardly start like Cab Calloway dancing Big, big jazz brass music Just blayers through the audience now
Starting point is 02:10:24 I'll wrap you up, drag you into my hole Cooks forget without no fee I'm the snake named snake and the princess you owe me Give them, fellas. And we'll run out and we'll just surround them. No, don't die, Morgo. Defend yourself.
Starting point is 02:10:58 He's not going to look around. These are just, nuzzling at Grico, which is one of the snakes. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh, oh. I like to imagine that each of you have rolled up red scarf in the pocket, but inside was like a fish. And so like, who do you just grab that and pull it out of your pocket? Oh, you're just dead rats.
Starting point is 02:11:25 That's exactly what happened. We all have dead rats. Oh! Oh! Oh, Trinny, you are a great monster slayer, as is the classic, nautly trope of slaying a reptilian beast who saved the princess. Orgo. We didn't even stay the chance.
Starting point is 02:11:41 Pop-ha handles. Amazing work. I can't believe you were able to fell such foul beasts with your might and courage. Oh, Torbeka's hero. And she'll, like, be trying to do kind of up-ease to Torbeck as she's up against the window. Torbeck will just reach through the window with his extremely long arms and, like, pick her up to bring her up to the top of the tower. Oh, well, Torbeca is a frog and needs a kiss. and you'll see as
Starting point is 02:12:17 who'd see does like this and then she goes and like gives you a little peck on the cheek oh that was nice thank you
Starting point is 02:12:25 my hero sir Morg and I'll like place her back down this makes her uh a willy wug sad wiggle wog
Starting point is 02:12:35 sad I was want to do willy walk that's why you can call the wrong no no no it's fine whatever
Starting point is 02:12:41 whatever this makes mugglewog sad I read that from the script. And Grico will have, as this is happening, he will have been like a scraping himself, like trying to army crawl off stage so that he could get,
Starting point is 02:12:55 go back and start doing his costume change. He says, And with the poor damsel in distress, Princess Torbecker, saved from the vile giant snake monsters. That was her first nightly act of great heroism and bravery and reasons why she should not be beheaded
Starting point is 02:13:18 and slain in a terrible, terrible political public execution. Roll a performance check and advantage. No, you... Oh, me? Oh. You're going back and saying that world, man. You're propagandaing them. Oh, double 17s?
Starting point is 02:13:35 She didn't have any of the juice, man. Am I crying? So happy and so sad at the same time. Really, this voice reached out to me from across the stage and just touched my soul or something, man. The audience is listening with bated breath, and as you say these words, you can hear the muttering. What do you think that Mourou set up? She sounds like such a valiant night. Oh, this is interesting, the intrigue.
Starting point is 02:14:07 We must see what happens. Simon, sit down. You can pee after the show. I tell Simon's 90 or 9. Yeah, right? And you'll hear over, like, almost kind of like muffled, oh, great, the purplicated, oh, this is too long. The brave Sir Morgo and her dear, dear Wigglewag,
Starting point is 02:14:35 who Morgue very, very deeply loved as a friend. She was not afraid to die Oh, Braitherto They continued on after saving a princess. What better Knightly quest to follow up than saving the most innocent creature of all
Starting point is 02:15:00 The child And you'll see that There, that the lights will dim And it'll very clearly be a night scene As there will be The sounds of crickets and and cicadas and all sorts of nightly creatures, which are literally just brought in by the stage hands
Starting point is 02:15:20 of these giant bugs. I presume there's giant bugs in the small, right? As there will be, and then there will be strange, like a strange glow that is held up by the frogs as they hold lightning bugs or fireflies, if you're not from the Mid-Atlantic. As it has a night swamp scene, as they will wheel out what looks like a very poorly painted well, very similar to what the
Starting point is 02:15:48 Faywell party had experienced, as the four of us will walk out in just black turtlenecks and pants and just a bright, glowing, circular mask that our heads are through. Sir Morgo Surely we shouldn't continue Through at night I'm scared You couldn't do this twig He's not scared
Starting point is 02:16:17 They're all naked Their winders are out It's okay And Twig We'll walk out onto the stage She looks between each of you Do I do this song now? Quicko do I do you this song yet?
Starting point is 02:16:31 Yeah Got this Twigsie Thanks, kid As we did drown In the Wall of Faye Suffering in that sets Away And who shall set
Starting point is 02:16:44 Our children free Good night Show us away Oh, whispies We all drowned Did we drown? Yes, we drowned Oh, whispies we all drowned
Starting point is 02:16:56 We are drowned Dron in the well of Faye Vagony Oh, we would drown Oh, drowned Wednesday. Oh. We're children. Children.
Starting point is 02:17:12 We're children and we drowned in the well. Oh, but it's just so sad and tragic. I'm a good. Oh. It's so sad. Sir Morgow. Oh. Do we die now?
Starting point is 02:17:29 No, we already died. We were drowned in the well of faith. You sang a whole song number about it. Oh. Oh, if only our souls could be freed, and we don't get eaten by a giant spider. Only there is a good night to see, boss. We've seen you defend us against terrible snakes with your great strength, but there's no escaping these scary, scary, scary ghosts.
Starting point is 02:17:56 Boos or whatever will you do? Boom! Samorgo! Boom! Please help us. Could you please please? perhaps do a stylish jig and that will be so adorable and cute
Starting point is 02:18:11 that our souls will be freed because you are the most beautiful, talented, charming little girl in the whole world and is a lot cuter and more well-behaved than everyone else's child in the world. I think that would work. Yeah. What do you think, ghostly friends?
Starting point is 02:18:30 Yeah, that's what I think too. I can be convinced. I have my own thoughts and feelings and they're not things I'm reading off of a script right now is how I feel. Me. We have agency. Will a wisp.
Starting point is 02:18:43 I am Willa Wisp dead. And seen. And seen. And who's you? It's a tourist. And I'll reach it and I'll grab the glove out of Torbeck's back pocket. Oh. Sorry, it's moist.
Starting point is 02:19:06 And I'll slide it very suddenly onto Hootzey's paw. And you'll hear, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun and suddenly Hootty will stand up and like there's just a normal owl bear, but it's a strangely human hand in a white glove. Sir Morgano, your dancing is as fierce as you're fighting. I can't believe it.
Starting point is 02:19:30 You are so grateful and powerful. And she starts, doing a very slick number, dance number, and she slides around the whole stage moonwalking. And suddenly there's a hat and there she has a jacket and pants
Starting point is 02:19:47 out of nowhere. Her costume has changed. It's the magic of the theater. How do you do that thing with the leg kick? That's really cool. And with this happiness of the dancing, the will of wisps feel joy. This stylish jig, you shepherd in my will of the wisp
Starting point is 02:20:03 form onto a peaceful, after. Wow. Oh, that was the most stylish dancing, and you could really never do any wrong, Sir Mogo. Your wonderful selfless act of dance
Starting point is 02:20:19 has shown that the power of the arts, which should be supported in your local community, has set all of us free. Goodbye. Thank you for saving us. Come on, Luca. Come on, Fred, children. I'm blessed to pray.
Starting point is 02:20:35 Yes, at least temporarily. Come on, Joe, thank you. We're all just awkwardly shuffling off the stage. How did I do? Did I do it? Oh, you did great. Oh, my goodness. Twig passes out. She hyperventilates and passes out.
Starting point is 02:20:54 I read the rest of the script to see her parts. I think she's fine. She impressed. She impressed with hearing all that out. Sir Morgan, will your talents ever stop emerging? You are so valuable to any community that would have you. And she does the whole hat, Toro and puts it on her head.
Starting point is 02:21:13 And then moon walks off stage. I must follow, for I am in love. And it was tragically a moment that made Sir Wiggle Wog even more in love with the Brayu
Starting point is 02:21:33 Sir Morgho. However, that moment, Morgo had realized how supportive Wigowog was and meant and realized that he was the perfect best friend Oh boy Oh boy Is this a tragedy or a candidate
Starting point is 02:21:56 Yes Oh and However love was on the mind as they continued onward. They have saved a princess. They had saved children. But Morgot had not conquered the realm of love. No, not love with Wigglewold.
Starting point is 02:22:22 That was not meant to be. She loves Wigglewog from a certain point of view. Like a little brother. Oh, my. Oh, my Holy God It's over to this landing down Yeah,
Starting point is 02:22:42 Wiggle Glock Stop, stop, it's already did Literally Oh, God The vegetation's growing out of stairs up at the moon Bravely holds her morgo
Starting point is 02:22:58 rode forth it on her way She was not afraid to die Oh, Braves her morgo And revered in the song the songs of depressing kids or the beautiful bellowing of a bugbear
Starting point is 02:23:12 princess, she heard the crying of a strange fire elemental or lava man it wasn't very clear as she hears the sniffling cries of bemoaning unrequited love
Starting point is 02:23:30 and as they approach as they approach wiggle water could sense that this person might also be friend's own, but he wasn't sure. He was probably doing a lot of projecting based on his own situation. As there is, as the stage shifts,
Starting point is 02:23:56 as there is a large, a cauldron place of where, the stage hands have taken a big, a driftwood cauldron and put it in front of where the well was. And it very clearly, it looks like the inside of a witch's hut. I step out on the stage and I'm I am in what looks like so the black leotard and they have just like glued rocks and big cardboard cutouts that look like flame painted and like orange and yellow and I have giant like flame eyebrows that come off on the side and I take center stage where we fucking go No one told me life was gonna be this way. My flame's a joke, no smoke. My love life's a D-O-Way.
Starting point is 02:25:01 It's like I'm stuck beneath the witches bro. I shrink behind the cold joke. When Reagan Rachel's not in my life, there is no red. everything's blue I am here for you and the town cold down fall thanks Tweezy
Starting point is 02:25:25 I am here for you I just wish you would call I am here for you I wish you were here with me too Man-man-namam-man-man-ma-man-ma-ma-na-na-na-na-na-na. Well done.
Starting point is 02:25:47 And yes, it was the fabled, Caldron Ember Elemental, Ragnar Ross, heartbroken, and love-struck. Very similar to brave wiggle walk. And Houtiles walk up and just sit in front of Gideon. Sir Morgh, no. You are clearly a match made in heaven. I don't have any feelings about it one way or the other.
Starting point is 02:26:34 Little did we go on. This was all just his insecurities. As Ragnar Ross was not interested in brave Soramogau, as attractive and beautiful and friendly and heroism. work and chivalric as she was. Wow, you're smart and beautiful and wise and strong and dexterous and very charismatic. But I can see that you don't mean that I should fall in love with you. No, there's another.
Starting point is 02:27:17 There's another. Oh, is this, Rico, is this one up where I come on? Oh, I guess. It's just, it's just his fire question mark. I mean, face something. I guess I'm just too. Yes, we cut scenes, scene transition, because it's very avant-egarde, filmmaking, scene transitions across the swamp in probably a very cool volcano layer.
Starting point is 02:27:45 And you see, like, absolutely state-of-the-art, incredible volcano layer set that's rolled out. All of the budget was blown on that. It's very clearly that Grico got the idea that it'd be cool to have a volcano layer. Oh, my God. When are we going to have time for the well? Get to the fucking volcano. Yes, is that little, although Ragnar Ross did pawn for Ragnar Rachel, little did he know.
Starting point is 02:28:19 His feelings were not as unreturned as he thought, unlike Wiggle Wall. Jesus. So sad. As it cuts to a soul figure in the, uh, in this really state-of-the-art volcano layer stage. So Cremie will be sitting there. And instead of having like cheesy rocks and like cardboard flames,
Starting point is 02:28:49 Cremie has found yet again another silicone bust. He's wearing a tight red cocktail dress with heels and a bright red wig. and the only thing that would denote that this would be a fire elemental is his bright, fiery red lipstick and he holds a picture of Gideon like framed
Starting point is 02:29:13 and just like on top of the glass there's like lipstick like fire on top of it and you'll hear this music sting of just light piano On my own, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee. On my own, pretending he's beside me. I mean, ragner rocks. For you, my heart is burning.
Starting point is 02:29:51 Without him, I hear his embers crack. and when I lose my spark I think of him and he reignites me in the swamp everything's grows like liver how many things it's over his fire is life enough to make me quiver In the hag hut, the hearth is full of raw stuff. And all I want is him and me forever and forever. And I'm like on this very high budget, like, expensive leather. Like, sit here.
Starting point is 02:31:00 And I'll like, go out in a volcano, right? Yeah. So there's like huge a lot of smell. Yeah. crashing up and then swelling down. The audience is in awe. They're gasping and they're holding onto the edge of their seats. With every burst of fake fire and lava,
Starting point is 02:31:18 they feel the emotion in you, Ragnar Rachel. And they come along on this journey with you. You do not need to roll for this. They buy what you're selling. And the audience explodes in applause. there are tears streaming down faces and you hear, "'Dear Rachel, we're only on a break,
Starting point is 02:31:44 so it's short, I hope so, that should come to our senses. Well, to be fair, it wasn't communicated,' and they start arguing. Uh-huh, uh-huh. As we cut back away from the really awesome volcano layer, that is definitely in hither, we return to our brave, brave hero,
Starting point is 02:32:05 who's in the midst of giving love advice to Ragnaross and he's starting to feel a little bit better about it he's not quite sure if he'll do anything about it but anyway on with the scene and who's just looking at you? Sir Margo your words of wisdom seem to be swaying Ragnarose
Starting point is 02:32:26 in his heart you know not just what how to wield a sword but also how to wield your wisdom and sway someone in this way. What you're saying is I should build a fire that is so large it reflects the love that's in my heart for Ragnar Rachel. Wow.
Starting point is 02:32:52 Well, I'm going to do that and it will smolder the likes of which nothing's ever seen before. You'll be able to feel the heat of my love. from even the furthest and coolest, and by coolest, I mean hottest volcano layers that anyone could possibly be hanging out in. Go forth with Sir Morgos' wise words, and they will know you not just as Ragnaros, but also as the Moistmaker. Oh, what a great time. I love you. Thank you, Sir Morgo.
Starting point is 02:33:38 Ragnarosis forever in your day. Ragnar. Rachel will be happy to have you, I'm sure, now that you have... Now that I make moist of... You've spoken with Sir Margo, a valuable asset to any community. Across the swamps of Hiver, after speaking so passionately about love and romance, Wugge Wogg cannot help But feel his own heart start to swell
Starting point is 02:34:10 In affection There's dear, comrade Sir Morgau It's actually just cardiobastic And as As they journeyed As they journeyed with Ragnar Ross
Starting point is 02:34:29 To the really cool volcano land Everybody's there now she said of how much she wished she could find love one day like that that Ragnar Ross felt for Ragnar Rachel and if only he had all of the qualities of Wigglewog and she wishes she could meet someone like him
Starting point is 02:34:52 but not exactly him bravely balls for her and on her way she was not afraid to do that meme of like, I wish I gave me a guy like this. Hey, not you. I'm literally a guy in pick. And then it'll cut as we're like it's basically kind of a half stage of the witch is hot
Starting point is 02:35:17 where the lights go out. The witch is hot doesn't move. It'll go back to the half set of the volcano lair as the three companions meet Ragnar Rachel as they're all on center stage to. together now. Oh, Ragnar Ross. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at your well-paying professor of paleontology job? That you somehow got up the age of 24? Well, I was over there, but now I came to find that I actually had no marketable abilities to conduct the role. And so, and beyond even that, I knew that there was something way more important than paleontology,
Starting point is 02:36:10 teaching people about it. And what that more important thing was, Ragna Rachel, was my burning desire for you. Oh, Ragnar Ross, I'm so glad that we finally come together after holding it above our fans' heads for 10 seasons and using our consummation of our love to gain some of the highest ratings seen in television history. I love you, Ragnarals. Oh, Ragnar, Rachel.
Starting point is 02:36:51 I love you, too. And I can finally see its importance. Thanks to Brave Sir Morgogh. Goz, he'll give you a pal on the back. It's a smash cut to Grico reading his own script. Now let's kiss. Yeah. I'm just a stage kiss right.
Starting point is 02:37:18 Yeah. And so in love. Me too. Gosh, I think that we just can't keep kissing like this because our flaming passion will burn this whole world to the ground. and scene and as the two lovers embraced how it was a victory
Starting point is 02:37:51 as all of the hearts in the room swelled it was a short-lived happiness as the sounds of shouting and jeering emerged from outside of the volcano layers as we ran out of budget so we have to use the same two sets as the dreaded evil villainous, awful,
Starting point is 02:38:14 uncharismatic, and kind of an all-around dick. Agon, the brigand prince of Prismier, attacked the volcano lair, as Torbeck, Twigsie, and Grico, dressed in rabbit costumes.
Starting point is 02:38:29 We'll be jumping around. We'll come out on stage and I'll be like, Ah, Torbeck is now playing Agden Longscarf, who is very much alive, well and how, Don't ask anything about it. Ready?
Starting point is 02:38:46 Yeah, I got you back. When you're a hair, you're a hair all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day. When you're a hair, if the fur hits the fan, you've got brothers around, you're a family man. You're never alone. You never disconnected. You're home with your own. When companies expected, you're well protected. Then you are set with a capital H, which you'll never forget till you're claimed by a witch. When you're a hair, you stay a hair.
Starting point is 02:39:24 That was Dormack's other song. Thanks, Twing. Yeah, that was your... Hey, we heard that there was love going on here, and we hate love, and we're going to steal all this set and be just generally very nasty. Yeah, but beat you up. But then we're also going to get away. and be perfectly alive and healthy.
Starting point is 02:39:47 Yeah. We're terrorizing the whole swamp, including the volcano layer. You know what we hate stumps? We never want to go to a stump. And only a brave knight that could defeat us would ever send us to a stump. That's very unlikely, which is why I'm stating it right now in this moment.
Starting point is 02:40:03 Right, boss? That's right. Yeah, and when we come to get your love, we're going to do it like this. And we're going to basically circle in the round of, everyone as we're snapping menacingly. And we're bouncing back and forth.
Starting point is 02:40:17 We've been a beautiful idle animation, combat animation. There is nothing you can do. You won't be able to achieve your end. Shut up, she doesn't love you. Brave some- But she can defeat you because she's perfect in every one. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:40:40 Brave some order, will you, will you defend us and end their threatening snaps? And with that, What? Is there, did Mikey give you a script for this? Oh my god. And so with that, Grico's gonna be like, and they'll be like big band music
Starting point is 02:41:04 and I'll be like, b'b, bha-b-b-b-b-bh-bh-bh-bh-bh. The Star Trek fight with Gorn. Yeah, gore music. And it's like really badly choreographed. We're doing TURL. We're doing TURR's. Tumbles. And who's just going around.
Starting point is 02:41:18 She's just going around, like, giving everyone hugs. And she's standing up giving hugs. Oh, I'm so... We are not slain. We are very alive and well. That's right. Oh, I know I'm starting to want. You'll regret it.
Starting point is 02:41:36 Right, boss. We're going to tell on you, but to our secret boss, Scabafar. Even though we're saying that we're working for Bavlona, we are actually working for Scabafar. And she's going to... for you. And we, I guess we have to go to the stump, right, fellas?
Starting point is 02:41:53 You got to get out of here. She's flawless in every way. That's right. She is flawless and did the most stylish chicken gives the warmest, softest hugs ever. It's a shame you'll never know. The warmth of her embraces your line. Yes, the shame I never know the warmth of her embrace,
Starting point is 02:42:11 Fred. That's fine. I don't care. To the stump. It's clear that he's very obviously seaving, but we are defeated. To the stump. To the stump.
Starting point is 02:42:24 And we'll slip away as we snap. Well done, Sir Morgo. You've once again defeated evil and defended the land that has trusted you to do that, to do that thing. I love you so much. I just hope I know today in a terrible apple. And so, after showing this chivalry of standing up for love
Starting point is 02:43:04 and standing up to bullies, remember, every single bully I've ever met couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut until he was fucking scared. So stand up to your bullies and punch him in the face, kids. That's the moral story. The more, you know. A couple of bullywags attached to harnesses from the ceiling are like drank by you carrying the more you know. Yeah, exactly right, as this happens. And then, however, they continue to walk through the swamp, but a strange gassy mist washes over them.
Starting point is 02:43:43 Ooh. As, as, uh, wiggle wog acknowledged just how perfect. Sir Morga was in every way. She had defeated the snakes and saved the princess. She had set free the poor children what was tortured in a well. And she stood up for love and stood up for love and stood up two bullies. There's no way she could be turned to the dark shot. Let's be going to saying that.
Starting point is 02:44:16 Many musicians and you just sing that. I really wanted to do this, done the scary. music sting. And oh, we return. Suddenly, as they walk, the strange swamp gas covers them, and suddenly they are in a strange hag hut that is very much not the same as the one where they met Ragnaross in. It's very different.
Starting point is 02:44:41 We just couldn't afford a budget for a new hack hut. And we figured, why not just reuse the same one? as as they enter the hut of scapefow and you'll hear the panting as the
Starting point is 02:44:58 it'll just be the exact same a hut except there's just a fog machine that's just blowing like green fog at sir morgo I was scared in previous adventures with you
Starting point is 02:45:13 but I know if I stay close by your side then I'll be protected What do we do next? You will never be protected as long as you're in my gaze. And Grico will shuffle out with like a humpback and a cloak with the like worst Halloween, Spirit Halloween, which outfit on with a big, even though he has a large nose, he has a bigger greener nose with warts all over it. And he has fake teeth in that make him look nasty.
Starting point is 02:45:50 Sir Mogo, you defeated my secret double agents of the herring gun. And you've done some really heroic things. And that makes me mad. Because I am very nasty. And I am scabher. So I could not possibly defeat you because as your friend's own, man-surfing size you are perfect in every way. So I only have the choice to seduce you to the dark side.
Starting point is 02:46:24 Join me and we will rule the galaxy forever. No, Sir Morgau. Yes, Sir Morgau. No, stop. You can't be seduced. You are too pure of heart. Hey, Grickle, am I in this scene? No, no.
Starting point is 02:46:40 Oh, sorry. No, you're not. You're not in the scene. No! No! She will join my side. Stop talking, men, servant! I'll point out, and then there'll be a stage hand that has, like, a green bolt on a...
Starting point is 02:47:05 On a... ...popsicle stick, and then run over to... ...toad wiggleog? No! Not wiggle water. I'm going... Ah! He gets what he deserves!
Starting point is 02:47:19 But now you must join me. And now you will have a great soliloquy, and we will have a duet. And I will then kind of call out, As Mogo faces her greatest challenge yet, the evil witch known as Scabafar, she begins to sing. And Gricko will scamper behind Hootsie, and will, like, grab her arms like the keyboard cat or something. In-slave, she shes.
Starting point is 02:47:49 to me in dreams he came who goes now and do him and he's like just doing the wave back and forth because he's not an all sitting and just like this and voice he inside his heart and then griggle run out as he jumps back into his hag form Green froggy, gross strong voice he'll be mine. As he runs over behind Hootsie. No, you have seen its noise, your best is my. The crowd absolutely arrives. And just Hootsie will be like,
Starting point is 02:49:53 and she'll be actually over at Frost's body on the ground, like mezzling him. I'm genuinely concerned. No, no, no, I'm pretending it funny. I'm acting. I'm acting. You dare defar me and say that you would never, ever join Scaberpha, and that you find my actions of secretly working to infiltrate Hither and sabotage my sister's goals with the herringone and the darklings and everything else, and that it's all my fault, and I'm at risk, and you are actually saving the realm?
Starting point is 02:50:29 impossible as I'm walking backwards out and no one has ever rejected me before you've rejected me home as Grico walks off stage am I dead
Starting point is 02:51:04 I forgot my line and with that she revives wiggoog with she knows she She looks down at Wigglewog and considers that perhaps her dear friend what is slay, what is down on the ground from a magical spell, perhaps can only be revived with true love's kiss.
Starting point is 02:51:31 But she thinks for a moment, and just to be sure, she'll try a healing potion first. Morgan, you are so smart you have recovered me, I am restored. I, uh, without waiting any gifts, is you were able to revive me. And she stands up on her hind legs and says, it just does me. Yes, Sir Margo.
Starting point is 02:52:02 Thank you for your sisterly affection. And then Hootty turns around and then continues to walk off. And with death, the brave, brave Sir Mogo did everything that she could to save the realm of Hiver until it was a whole bunch of stuff of the broom factory and like a fairy dragon and it was all scabbit's fault please trust me on it I swear the end and the audience erupts in applause as you make your way behind the curtain and prepare yourself for taking your
Starting point is 02:52:48 final bows and as the curtains rise again you all move forward in tandem Torbeka moves forward to take her bows. Mikey moves forward as the narrator. Ragnar Ross and Ragnarachal. Twig and the gang. And lastly, Wigglewag and Morgow move forward to take their final bows. And the audience arises for a standing ovation.
Starting point is 02:53:15 Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, is an orchestral version. Like medley of all the songs, the melody. The audience is enthralled, and you hear chitter chatter. I can't believe that more of all the things she's done, fighting for love, saving children, friends sure that she was able to have gone to bring in. Hey, do you stand up?
Starting point is 02:53:47 And all of this is happening at this moment. And as they clap and they clap and you make your final bows, and then you hear the trumpeteers go. they let out a loud boom as your attention is drawn to the boxes at the back. Box number two, you watch as the light extinguishes before you can see whether there's even anybody in it. But the king's box is fully illuminated
Starting point is 02:54:14 as the king stands up and clears his throat. It is by royal decree that Morgow, Knight of Warts, is cleared of all of all. charges and that is where we'll have the session. Propagenda! We're here in this round of applause. We did it. Thank you for running the session, Nikki.
Starting point is 02:54:41 I'm very proud. Thank you for staying late to finish the point. Great work, gang. I'm exhausted. We did. We did. We did it? We did it? I was exhausted at nine.
Starting point is 02:54:51 It's been a week. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Adventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen, to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher to unlock Shroud over Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventras. If you want to chat about the episode with the Avengers community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventures.com slash discord. We also post content nearly every day
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