Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 32 | A Feast for Frogs

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Electrum Chef is in full swing, but who will Kremy compete against? The Krew reads a letter left by Bavlorna inviting them to dinner...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, ...over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/180u6x-NNXM?si=KRloTbO3PYnnma6Y

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Starting point is 00:00:03 Welcome to Legends of Adventress. I'm Twig, and you're listening to What's a Potter Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Electrum Chef will be conducted in the Grand Kitchens and promptly one hour's time. Morgau will be retrieved from her holding cell and will be given a place of high honor. Every time you laugh in real life, you take 1D6 damages. No, that's not possible. I'll never laugh at yet.
Starting point is 00:00:30 I'm going to be a constant professional. Since you're the one that's going to be doing the electrician chef, I've got to do something with the other four. You're going to take a little potion that will alter your state of being for the contest. And we've actually found a great way for you guys to be able to help out. There are now four new people. Your personalities are replaced by this new entity. You will try each of the dishes. And at the end, the audience will have a vote.
Starting point is 00:00:55 And the winner will be decided. We move on to the main course. All right? You know what we're doing, right? Yeah. The Goobo. No, well no, try again. Come on.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Close enough. You're a classic. Oh no, on the note I gave them a wrote it down his grooms. Raise your knives. Let the competition begin. I'm Carl. That's also Carl. I'm so, bro.
Starting point is 00:01:17 They're gonna get the taste of our pre-workout. Yeah, it was a little weird to watch you stuff all those super jacked fish in the bond and kill them, but, you know, I mean, I give it a try. Hey, hey, how did you do this, Julia? You gotta work the arms, huh? arms, huh? You're crazy old broad ass. That bean embedded in Pierre's face has detonated. And Pierre is now undergoing emergency treatment to save his cheek.
Starting point is 00:01:45 The competition is not over. That Pierre always finishing early. Who were presented with the task of performing in a competition, a competition of skill. in the kitchen known as Electrum Chef. The winner of the competition would be awarded the rights of official chef of the soggy court and the ability to create the meal that would proceed after the competition itself. Your name would be spread around at least hither and you would be known as the greatest chef in Prismere. Your competition
Starting point is 00:02:47 was the former and current chef of the Sagi court, Pierre S. Cargo and his sous chef, Pepe Frog. That was his name. Pepe Frog. In a bid to keep things fair, and knowing that it would be two against potentially six with the inclusion of Twig herself, the soggy court decided to get the assistance
Starting point is 00:03:15 of the rest of the party by turning them into the judges, using a potion that was mixed with small amounts of witchlight to turn them into entities all their own. The walking visage of individual chefs that exist in the world. With this potion in their system, your friends, Kremi, turned into the great chefs known as Julia Fliles, Bobby Fly, Gordon. And Guy Flaieri. And it is with their help that the competition took place. It was a tough competition. Both Pierre and Kremi were fighting tooth and nail to be the winner.
Starting point is 00:04:07 And in a strange turn of events, Pierre Escargo had a magical bean launched into his face, which unceremoniously exploded. It's not ceremoniously It's really dark He It was announced That the competition
Starting point is 00:04:28 Would would stop You're unsure if it will continue But at the moment Pierre needs to be rushed To to medical aid He's fighting for his life
Starting point is 00:04:41 As Cremie You and Twigg Stand there Having just Presented your grums To the judges Oh yeah Grooms
Starting point is 00:04:50 And the bullywug, known as the chairman, has just announced that the competition is at a standstill. As you begin to hear people all around the audience, What do you mean they're not going to start the dessert? We have to have dessert at dinner. Oh, this is ridiculous. Only a king like Gulloch the 19th would have us to have a dinner without dessert. Oh, I know. dude, it's absolutely a vulnerable.
Starting point is 00:05:23 As the bullywugs begin to become frustrated. The chairman tries to hush them, but the volume is getting louder and louder and louder. As the few bits of judgmental ramblings turn into a multitude of judgmental ramblings, as the entire audience becomes um, loud with frustration. And you see that at the very top, King Gullop the 19th is beginning to look panicked, not sure what to do as he looks down at you,
Starting point is 00:05:59 almost pleading for some kind of help. What do you do? Tweed, you know what this means? Sorry, I was eating grain number 2,766 of the rights that I've... What? Don't shake me. You're gonna be shaking twig syndrome. Wait, it's not done? I don't know. Who the fuck's that guy got his, I mean, his face exploded.
Starting point is 00:06:32 I don't know, but the crowd's getting really mad. If they don't get... Wait, like all of them get deserted? I don't know. Just the judges. Like, if we feed the judges... No, criminal, just stupid. You, have you...
Starting point is 00:06:53 No one told me that we're going to feed a crowd of... Twangett. She starts shaking you. Have you not been paying attention? I must, I must miss... Miss something. But I mean, I'm- She slaps you. Cremie.
Starting point is 00:07:07 If we win this thing, we gotta feed the entire soggy cord with your grum. With my, I mean, with one pot of grums? You could have to- Oh, God. All right, well, should we just get started on that? Or should we- Well, I guess if it's on hold. And there's gonna be no food.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Eat, we, there's gonna be no dinner celebration. If we don't figure out what to do, if we're getting angry. Well, judges, sounds like things are getting pretty rowdy. up in here with what with the dessert portion being put on hold uh hey julia i can't believe this can be dessert this is whole shit well d'i know don't worry about it too much you can step on up i'm sure you've given your cookie and pie to enough people around here right huh uh what you tell us about it yel Bobby oh oh okay oh it's just dessert Thank you.
Starting point is 00:08:11 Well, if there's no dessert, we can at least have, braised frog legs. Delicacy, delicious. You're not suggesting what I think to sturdening, are you? Set it high. Pan on. Butter in. Frog legs in.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Flip. Two minutes. Season. Not enough. Season. Gorgeous and probably some shitty salad that I'll be. pretend is delicious. It's like in every single video.
Starting point is 00:08:51 We need to pretend to be healthy. Who are you talking to? You all right? How would we pass the time? Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm really loving the crowd tonight. I mean, this guy's just got his head blown and clean off and they were asking about dessert. Dessert for dinner. I love it.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I love it. I love these guys. Where did that bean even come from, guy? Barberians. The Texas school. book depository. Jesus, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Some hot fire in that pot. You know what I'm here? Just bounce right out. I never even saw it coming. Yeah, he couldn't handle it. Yeah, no, neither do you. Perhaps it's dynamite. Oh, flitamite.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Ha ha! Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, man, that's... Not reattaching that. No, no, no, sorry, no, not reattain. That guy's dead for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:46 All right, big, okay. big okay so I mean you you feel like it's our responsibility to solve all of this I don't know what we're gonna do cramaphib you know he's hopefully is alive now but before so gonna kill King Gulf if our God doesn't get released I have an idea okay what we're gonna feed them all dessert what they're asking for yeah but there's a big competition who's gonna stop us what do you mean we just serve it look we we we can vamp this is this is an unforeseen search And conval, the crew's going to come in for a very, very small fee and sell everybody a wonderful three-course meal in one bite.
Starting point is 00:10:49 Okay. It's going to feel like that had a whole, they had three appetizers, two entrees. Are you going to make them two desserts? Are you going to make them two desserts? You know, like jug stuff between the two desserts? Or are you just going to make one? I was just going to make one. Well, if I make one of the desserts?
Starting point is 00:11:08 Well, you can make one in the other, but I don't. I need to make a lot. Oh, do you want to go up against me for the winner of the desserts? Are you challenged you made it to cook off, Crimmie? Twig? Yeah. Do you want me to challenge you? Well, no really, because I get really nervous when it comes to challenges and stuff, because, well, I want you to win, Kremi.
Starting point is 00:11:34 I've been helping you this whole time. And if I made my famous Beaselberry pie, then, It would just be absolutely disastrous for you because I would definitely win. You're not beating the Beaselberry Pie. Look, if you want to go against me, that's fine. Otherwise, I'm happy to be your sous chef for this last one. And we'll make your Beaselberry Pie. But don't you think it'd be super, super rude, or P.R.S. Cargo?
Starting point is 00:11:59 If we're just like, hey, sorry you're dying, but we can make certain a way. Who? For the other chefs. Oh. Yeah, I forgot about that. Not to eat to drop all their conversation. but you know the young chef's got a good point. Pierre, who?
Starting point is 00:12:15 We might've been named that guy Jack Ruby. Things are not looking good. I say that his fame has gone to his head, but he doesn't have one of people. They're hungry. Last time I was here, there were many food vendors, I'm sure they could feed the entire... Entire audience.
Starting point is 00:12:46 I'm sorry How the hell of this kid here? Drag you in the swamp You're really like this Look, if we're desperate If everybody's getting desperate for dessert What about cake? Julia, you got a fat ass
Starting point is 00:13:33 And shake it on a little bit Come up there, shake it for us I've always said that A party without cake is more of them Despite your insults, I agree Insults, Julia! Julia, I'm wounded! These are all been compliments! Robert! Look, if you're a little nervous, we can throw some electron pieces.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Yeah, you're sick fuck. Get you in the mood that you're moving, huh? Is that what it's gonna take? I don't know what you're like. Bobby was such a fucking bully, dude. Twitter, let's do this. Let's find the chairman. Let's find the chairman. What?
Starting point is 00:14:57 What? What are we gonna say? What are we gonna say? I mean, we could feed the crows. feed the crowd with some kind of dessert. You and I could compete. We could wait for the fellow to, I don't know, uh, get better. To talk to the chairman at all. Well, we could just, I mean, win by technicality. They didn't give us that option though. Yeah. Well, let's go see what happens. Come on, Twink. I'm scared of him. Why? He's just a frog guy. But he speaks with a loud voice. So that's the whole reason. Yeah, no, it'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:15:42 And I just turn and I'll start walking. Is the chairman there? Do you have to come with you, Calcum? And I slowly watch behind you. The chairman is standing there looking nervous. He has that same magics over his voice, that minor illusion allows him to amplify his voice for everyone. And he is looking around panicked.
Starting point is 00:16:01 You do see a few of the people who are working the show run up to him and giving him information, asking questions. And as you walk up to him, he's talking to another Bullywug. I hate to say it, Mr. Chairman, but I mean, he's going to be fine, we think. But I don't think he's going to make it back to the show, and the crowd is getting... Well, I'm not sure what we're supposed to do.
Starting point is 00:16:26 That wasn't his voice, but it is now. Because I don't remember how to do it. I'm not sure what to do. We're going to have to do something because they need to eat dinner tonight. You don't tell Royals they can't eat. I mean, it's in your hands, Mr. Chairman, but if you don't do something, They're gonna... What a do?
Starting point is 00:16:46 Excuse me. This is a private conversation. We're just looking for an update. I mean, I don't know if anyone said anything, but we were just sort of... If you don't mind, we were just kind of standing around back there. We're the other competitors. We, you know, we're sort of waiting for us. And, I mean, you have any sort of idea of how we can sort of, you know, wrap this up?
Starting point is 00:17:05 We could just win by technicality if... There is no winning by technicality. Even if the other side forfeits? He has not forfeits. yet. He's still breathing. His head's like a peeled melon. Are this, is medics weeping? Is this openly weeping and shaking their heads?
Starting point is 00:17:29 All right, that's fair, that's fair. Maybe perhaps his assistant could compete in his stand and we could finish this up. We have not been able to locate Pepe, Frog. It seems that he has left the premise. All right Well, let me just ask you How do we wrap this up without a Pierre Pepe Prez?
Starting point is 00:17:54 Do we have anyone willing to stand up And create a dessert in their stead? I challenge all those thoughts And I point at the judges. What? An interesting kind of events. Proposterous, I'm here to judge. I'm here to cook?
Starting point is 00:18:10 I've already made a name for myself. Because we all have. Doesn't anyone want any hard? Audience. Yeah, yeah, we have. We have got that. Men, mouths of the soggy court, his voice begins to boom. Mr. Lucreux,
Starting point is 00:18:22 chef LeCrew, has suggested an interesting turn of events. How do we feel he would fare against our grand judges? Four esteemed chefs who have made their name in the culinary arts. Do we think Mr. Lucreux has it in him
Starting point is 00:18:40 to beat their combined efforts in a dessert? Would you like, to see this challenge. A hush falls over the crowd for a moment as they begin to talk amongst themselves and then you hear someone in the back, yeah, I do, I'm seeing him do that shit. Oh God, it's drunk Stephen again. Shut up, Stephen. How drunk you have to be to get them to have that point your name? Good guts.
Starting point is 00:19:07 And with that, however, other members of the soggy court begin to call out. to call out. They seem incredibly excited as they wrapped him a round of applause. Well, it looks like the crowd is down for the challenge. Judges. Chets, it won't be a competition. Do you accept this challenge? How could we ever say no? All right, look, if we're going to do this, Julia, we got to put all this behind us. We got to put it in the past. We got to just ignore it. Kind of like how the casting director ignores your alcoholism, your drug problems, and your sorted sexual past. What are you saying? You watch it out. Is that a threat? I thought it was a good time.
Starting point is 00:19:53 What are you saying to me, Julia? We're going to have fun in this kitchen. We're going to have fun in this kitchen. This is got to stand a chance, all right? No, there's no fun in the kitchen. Don't he! There's fun in Flobby's kitchen, all right? Come on.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Yeah, we're going to have a great time, all right? Come on, chef. This will be a hellish kitchen. All right, chef. Could we have a moment? He nods to you. The crowd is cheering and applauding, and you feel like you have a moment
Starting point is 00:20:29 to talk amongst yourselves. Gordon, Guy, Bobby. Julia, yeah. I don't want. I've had a little bit of wine, you guys. A little. I love the way you say my name, Julia. I don't want to cook dessert for all these people.
Starting point is 00:20:51 No, no, you misunderstand me, Julia. I propose that we throw the competition. Say my name, Julia. Say it. Say my name, Julia. Bobby fly. Well, it's getting a little hot in this kitchen, huh? It is a hellish kitchen.
Starting point is 00:21:08 All right, wait, you want to throw this? I actually don't think there's anything to worry about. I mean, this place is covered in blood and bone. There's no way we're cooking a meal in there. I can miss my... Family's favorite dessert. No problem. Delicious.
Starting point is 00:21:21 Gorgeous. And will it lose? It will win. No, then we said, is that what I'm saying? It's the opposite. It is what I want. It is a ram's favorite dessert.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I can't remember. He didn't forget. We're looking at you. You're a ram person. We can't forget that. We look at you. And we are reminded of that. One of your eyes is pointed to Bobby
Starting point is 00:21:45 and the other is pointed this guy. How do you cook? Anything that your eyeballs are inside of your head like that. Expertly. Robert, expertly. Fair enough. With precision. All right.
Starting point is 00:22:03 But we all agree then. We'll cook what rams like best because that's most fitting for this audience. I thought so. Let's get your cooking. Oh, yeah, Julia. Let's get to cooking. We're all in agreement about something. Something.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Not going to say what, but we're in agreement. Leave the way, God. Well, it looks like. No, slow down and look at the cameraman. It looks like the chefs have agreed. They are moving over to Pierre Raskargo's kitchen, and it looks like they will be cooking for chef Pierre Raskargo. That means that chef Grannie is going to have quite the challenge on his hands.
Starting point is 00:22:44 And the question is up in the air. Who is going to judge this competition? We'll find out after this break. Too quick. Come on, come on. Yeah. There's a stage. Oh, why? Stage dog.
Starting point is 00:23:02 That's for the camera. Oh, okay. Welcome back to Platinum, Platinum, Platinum Chef. I am your host, the chairman. We have the greatest cooking showdown of all time. all time here at the Soggy Court. All right, Kitchen. We have the chefs, Bobby Fly, Gordon Ramsey,
Starting point is 00:23:40 Julia Fliles, and Guy Flyere. And they are challenging our new up-and-comer, Chef Cremie LaCrew and his assistant Twink. What will they create for you today? We have, during the break, found a new judge, sitting up in the box next to the one and only, King Gullop the 19th. We have Pavlona Blightrow. Oh, what an honor.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Seriously, big honor. Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Now, let the games begin. Alright, we're gonna do this fair and square, right? No hexes, no curses, nothing. Okay? We're just gonna cook better than they will. What are we gonna make?
Starting point is 00:24:28 We're gonna make dessert. Beaselberry pie? Beesleberry pie. I always think I'd do them to something simple. Like Beaselberry pie? Alright, well, if you know how to make Beaselberry pie, then why don't we fucking make that? You tell me what to do it. Just, there's a pie with Beaselberries?
Starting point is 00:24:49 Have you ever had a Beaselberry before? I don't know what that is. Is that a real thing? I don't think that exists. They're like, they're like magic, crem-y. Is it possible you, like, misread the packaging and... No. Maybe flip some letters around, threw in an out. No. I don't think it's possible.
Starting point is 00:25:09 No? Uh-uh. And then, like, delete the orange head. And that's-easel bear, that's ridiculous. Well, all right, Twig. If you can find Beasel bears, I'm just saying, I don't know what they look like. I don't know what they taste like. You bet.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Who would have a Breazberry bear before? In that moment, a Bollywuck walks up and, Brown, Mr. Twig, a lot of good men died to get you this diesel berry. Thank you. I have to go who die now. Many dolphins die. What's your name? No, it's not important.
Starting point is 00:25:58 I'm just a... No, it's important. What's your name? Thank you. It's Harold Arnethoppel. My middle name is reticery. Thank you for a son. Tell my back, by the way.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Oh, boy. Well, we gotta use those now. I'll stick out my hoof and just gently push them and just kick them. And in front of you, you do see a gigantic berry. It looks sort of like a mulberry, if you've ever seen one of those, like a very raspberry-esque. It's plumped with a lot of different nodes on it. Nodules. But instead of that dark, purplish or pink color, it actually looks like a sunset.
Starting point is 00:26:50 It starts with a beautiful, a beautiful tail, white towards yellow and then orange. As it moves all the way up to the end. And you notice that as you look at it, there are different areas where it almost looks like sunlight is shining through it. It's a beaselberry, see? All right, Twig, I have an idea. Okay, what? We can combine your pie with the dessert I was going to make. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Ta-a-a-a-booy. What? And we'll call it Todd la la Beasie. Diesel. That's a crick! Oh, it's pretty since, basically, a bar. Have you ever milked a beer? Hey, Julia!
Starting point is 00:27:32 There's no music. There should be sinister, stark free music. Stark music. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-b-be-b-be-b-b-be-... Bidney, we're gonna keep going unless interrupt us. No, I haven't. I haven't milked to Beazle before. Well, there's the first time. for everything, give me your hands.
Starting point is 00:28:08 She takes your hands and she puts them on one of the nodules. Squeeze, squeeze, like your life depends on it. On Jim Lelling, he starts playing. And it starts to squirt out and do it like, I feel like I have to do like one of those like up to town.
Starting point is 00:28:23 You hear in your mind is the Bieselberry vets the tag. To that alternated do it like one of the tabs. You have to close your eyes, just milk it. I'm disgusted. I'm disgusted. I can't even look at it.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Creamy. The Beasles. That's just air escaping me. Were you pretending to be the Beesle? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You know what, fuck, it's the Faywild. That actually happens.
Starting point is 00:28:52 And so you do hear this strange voice begin to say these things as you begin to milk it. And you notice that each individual Beasel sack is filled with a delicious juice. Oh, my little sacks, they're not just buried. It's a sack covered berry. Didn't you hear her description? She said sack.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Yeah, it's like he's little not. It's like a juice. We're wearing beef milk. Braille, tap, beasles. It's like somebody just spent a bunch of dushes again. The consistency of like pus. Oh, it's like a pop of the pimple. Uh-uh.
Starting point is 00:29:42 Don't stop. It's a full of like cup. The Beasel actually has like hundreds of voices and things and mine at the same time. The Beaselberry is actually Biblical accurate. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:30:05 I'm only dead from radiation. Dude, my family is an heir of artisory. And he was a good friend. Yeah, and so the three thing that's not just the sacks filled with the juice. If you pull the sacks away, you get to the, you get to the gummy heart of the beasel. And inside of that, it stinks horribly, but if you eat it, it's delicious. It's kind of like a durian fruit. And it's in the gummy heart of the fruit?
Starting point is 00:30:43 Yeah, the gummy heart of the beasel. I was going to let beer set and I'm going to rip it out, whatever the hell you're talking about. So you pierce into the fleshy part of the beasel right behind the liquid sacks. And you find that inside there is a
Starting point is 00:31:01 soft, warm, gummy heart. It's kind of like a gummy bear, but it looks like a heart. If I may, the dog will be correct to you in heart. If I may, producer, Rick, for the three of us, if you would put voices of the Beaselberry on our IMDB page,
Starting point is 00:31:17 Very much There he screams out in pain Oh, you're saying this is the best part Yeah, do you smell how it Yeah, smell how it staying Do you say it It's good? Yep
Starting point is 00:31:38 Oh, lick it Do it Lick the Beasel heart Should I lick it You should buy just a little bit into a crummy I'm just gonna take a little bit It's just a single minute. Just a little bite.
Starting point is 00:31:53 If you pumps the Beasel juice through it. I'm going to open it up and it's going to zoom in like cartoon. It's almost like my deep end of the worst teeth and I'm something. Tiny little nibble of the edge of it. It tastes incredible, unlike anything that you've ever tasted before. As you put it on your tongue, it almost has the feeling of pop rocks, is it like pops and zills inside of your mouth. But you see rainbows.
Starting point is 00:32:27 and unicorns and all kinds of hallucinogenic things as you taste this magical kaleidoscope of beasleness. Frat fatality. Someone in chat said, I miss him. I should call him. I should call him. Everything reminds me of him. And everyone reminds him. Drot me, cocky-willed wings.
Starting point is 00:32:52 My eyes turning to rainbows and I just start. You know, some like 60 psychedelic rock starts playing. We are all the bleak. Oh my God. It's like the middle of the gods. Yeah, and it stinks like hell. It does, but I don't care. No, and you won't, because when you're baking in a pie, all the stink goes away.
Starting point is 00:33:14 All right, what do we do? Do we mash it? Do we keep it whole? Do it up and squeeze it? Anything you want. Do it all. Do it all. It's a Beasel. It's a Beasel Barry Grimmie.
Starting point is 00:33:25 And I'm just going to start going from berry to berry. and I'll have some of them all like rip all rip the hearts out of all of all of them and some of them all squish some of them all squeeze like a fucking pastry bag do you see the way he is working on a beasel whipping up and chopping and mixing finally
Starting point is 00:33:43 some of my grinding and I'll have it all sort of separated out you're a beasel bearer magician with the way you worked those bezels I was born to do this yeah you were I need eggs and I need cream and I need sugar What kind of eggs?
Starting point is 00:33:58 Just, I mean, eggs. Does it matter? Oh, boy. Yeah, because there are a bunch of eggs. What kind of one may get you? No insect eggs. Are you sure?
Starting point is 00:34:09 No reptile eggs. Okay. Now leaves bird eggs, you understand? Just bird eggs? You all chickens in the fair wild? I heard there was a lot of chickens here. Well, it's a chicken. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Just any kind of bird egg you can find. Okay, sure. Yeah. I'm going to keep one of the chicken. working and also like I'll make the the dough for the crossy while she's doing that and I'll get all of the different bits of berry prepared in each of their little piles and then I will put a big pots a gigantic pot on the on the stove you should make a Beaselberry reduction while I'm going to get that egg oh yeah I mean
Starting point is 00:34:53 that's that definitely should be like the syrup and base of it yeah 100 That's right. Exactly right. And I start doing that. He's a fucking donkey. He should know there's plenty of chicken meat of summer court. All right, chef, what are we cooking? Come on, Gordon. You gotta tell us what we're doing here. We're making delicious dessert. I brought all of the ingredients from back home on the farm. There's a giant vat of delicious, gorgeous, fatty goose livers. Bobby, I'm gonna need you to turn that into ice cream.
Starting point is 00:35:20 I'm done. I'm on it. And I'll, uh, I'll go find wherever the, uh, the goose livers are, begin to chop them up finally into a reduction. I'm gonna get out my awesome ice cream maker that they obviously have on set in the Fawab. And I'll begin to prep this goose liver patte ice cream. I'm going to need you to look at that giant plate of pork belly. Oh, candy that.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Oh, candy the pork belly. You brought all this with you just to judge the contest? You must always be prepared. Yeah, with liver and pork belly? From the farm, gigantic versions. Oh, I love it. I love it. Let's get it covered. That's Gordon.
Starting point is 00:36:01 Julia, this is very important. You see that vat of beef fat. I do. Be sure to speak slowly there, Gordon. I need you to turn that into the most delicious pie crust. Oh, it would be my pleasure. I'm going to go in the back and fetch the secret ingredient and begin plating. Good luck, chefs.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Then I trot off. I start working the beef fat into it. flour and epic delicious really clearly quiet. I would like each of you to make a D20 roll for me and tell me what you get. Can I borrow someone's dance? Why don't you take this
Starting point is 00:36:48 monitor right here? Sorry, buddy. I would like you to do the same. Make a D20 rule for me please. No modifiers? Nope. You don't roll like shit and by me I mean me and Mikey. What did you guys roll? I go three. I got three! And give you chest six dice. And I roll three!
Starting point is 00:37:04 I got an 11. Can I twist this to get a lower score? The fact that you were the most drunk and doing better than everyone else, I think is very applicable. I do what I'm doing. Julia Fliles. A lot of experience on them. It takes a while for Twake to come back, but she finally does
Starting point is 00:37:24 make her way back. And she is carrying a bowl full of water and in it these strange looking eggs, which clearly house the beginning formations of tadpoles. Eggs, Krami? I'm sorry, what? Those are eggs? Yep.
Starting point is 00:37:47 I got it from the nursery downstairs. Hmm. I think that's people, Whig. Soilet Bezol. What do you mean? Soyl and Beasel is just... First, I told you to get eggs from any bird. Oh.
Starting point is 00:38:10 This is clearly frog people eggs. I just... remember you saying not to get not to get eggs from insects or reptiles I guess I didn't specify amphibians so this one's all me twigs if you can put them back at the nursery
Starting point is 00:38:31 I'm not gonna I'm not gonna feed them people I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life twig I'm not gonna feed them people okay when I took them all I should probably take them back yeah I think if I did that even the The good Baron might be offended by that, and I wouldn't want to have to answer to that. Okay, well, I just try to do what you told me to do you, just crime me. Take them back to the nursery and put them down and, no, no, I mean, you're doing, you're doing your best. You're doing your best.
Starting point is 00:39:01 I didn't know what you want for cremied. There's no eggs to be so bad. I just, well, all right, that's fine. You know what? I apologize, Twig. I'm sorry. Take it back to the nursery, dump them back, and then whatever sort of. a spawning pool of that thing?
Starting point is 00:39:19 You haven't left all the nurses? Oh, you just stole them right for the nurses, huh? I just asked for them, I said, we're doing something for the king and I need eggs. And so she said, are you sure? And I said, yeah, how many got? And she said, well, these ones were just for their action tonight. And I said, well, it's not tonight yet, so can I take them? And she said, yep.
Starting point is 00:39:39 Is that why the moving twig? Yep. Take them back. Okay. You're doing great. Thanks. Do you want me? Keep it up.
Starting point is 00:39:50 You want me to pick up more eggs in the way? No, I'll look for eggs. I'm sure they have something in the kitchen. Thank you for returning the eggs twig. Harold, their father is going to be so happy when I get back. Oh, my children are being sacrificed. Thank you. You do are.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Thank you. Welcome. Are you looking for eggs? Always come prepared. I mean, come on, Gordon, don't help them out. We're trying to crush this guy. Come on. No, those specifically large chicken eggs had to go to good use.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Are they actually chicken eggs? Yeah, they're large chicken eggs, yeah. They're very large. They ominously large? Yeah, yeah. All right. All right, thank you. Chef.
Starting point is 00:40:35 I want to take one sort of like crack it on the counter and open it and just look. And it looks like an egg, just like a big old chicken egg. The intentions that they were just very large chicken eggs, yeah. The intention. So then anyway, I will. I will finish the Beaselberry reduction. I'm going to start heating the, I'm going to whisk the eggs and eat them, and add cream and sugar and start to make a custard.
Starting point is 00:41:07 And I will roll out the pie dough and get that pre-baked. And once that's all done, I will then assemble the pie. Okay. Sure. All right, I just, I mean, I'm just trying to, let's tee you up for the to turn it over what they're doing I mean I'm happy to keep going keep going all right well okay twig this is where you come in which isn't even there man man she's really taking a long time she got those eggs in like 10 seconds flat and she eventually comes back oh hey twig
Starting point is 00:41:42 i got different eggs for you did i tell you to get different eggs wegg nope but i wanted to go buff and beyond for my new pal cremilla crew all right what kind of eggs you got Did you know there's a bird called a chimkin? A chimkin? Yeah. I've never heard of a bird called a chimkin. Yep. And you got eggs of the bird called chimkin?
Starting point is 00:42:08 Yep. We'll hand them over. Here go. G. Ans, you're just a couple of regular sized chicken eggs. Oh. This is perfect. Twig, well done. Yeah, you know, we're found.
Starting point is 00:42:23 I don't want to know. No, you can tell me. You can tell me. I went to the kitchen. all right and I went into the into the ice chest and they had like like an egg drawer and you got them out of there for cooking yeah because once I realized you wanted eggs for cooking and not for hatching I went to the kitchen and then they said like grade A and like extra large yeah yep it's a really really expensive due to inflation and a king so it took them
Starting point is 00:42:55 fucking inflations don't mind my feelings best alpha and omega-3 This is perfect. Thank you, Twig. You're welcome. You should really be careful what you tell people sometimes, though. I should be more careful and precise in my language. Did she know there are no eggs than Beaselberry Pie? Well, I mean, you told me to do just sort of improvise. I didn't say that.
Starting point is 00:43:19 You wanted me to make the pie. I offer for you to make the pie. Look, if you know how to make Beaselberry Pie, we'll stop right now. We can start over. I make the best Beaselberry pie in all of my inn. Alright, well, then you make me decent berry pie. Well, you already stored it. It's already in nothing.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Well, I got the reduction ready for it. I got the plus ready. I can't play for you. Fine, we're gonna throw the custard out, right? That was my one edition, my one improvisation. I can't believe I'm finally like this after everything we went.
Starting point is 00:43:41 A little bit of Tala al-a-a-booy, just like M-Maw used to make. Well, I'm not a M-M-M-M-Twick. No, you ain't. No, I'm... No, I'm... Let's tell me what to do, Twig. I can't tell you what to do,
Starting point is 00:43:53 because you already put the pie in nothing. No, I didn't. What are you talking about? I didn't assemble the pie. It's all ready to go. Well, there was a oh. Yeah, it is right there. The pies and it's pre-baked. Well, I feel I'm very tired because I walked to the nursery, fucked up, and then I walked to the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:44:12 And so now I would like to not make this pie. Well, then you just tell me how to make Beaselberry Pie, all right? I thought you were going to make Tarterl Pooie. Well, I was going to make Ta-Ta-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-beas. That's what it's called, a bea. Okay, well, then do it. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:30 All right then. Okay then. I don't know what I'm so mad at you right now. Yeah, I mean, you know what? Look, was this a high-stress involved? It's a big opposition. What I think it is? I think what is?
Starting point is 00:44:40 What? Why? What? We're going up against four people. That's double us. But they got something, but we got something. We don't have. I know. Two more people.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Well, look, they got people and they got credentials, but we got something that they don't have. What's that? and are willing to part with drugs what you mean i think the mason jar of a which of the witch is weird out of you i got a lot left i just used to sprinkle before we're using the whole damn thing
Starting point is 00:45:18 in the basilberry pile of tarting judges. Tart-a-beeslberry pie. Can we, can we ask a favor? Yeah. Can we call it tart all a bea-beelberry pie? Of course, we could call it Tart-a-Beslberry pie. Okay, that makes sense, because if we're making a tart, then we would need to use eggs in the tart part. Well, it's just fancy. It's just a pie. That's all it is. That's just fancy. You know if you put an E on the end of part, it's even fancier than if you leave the E- off? Oh, but he's definitely there. It's just got a fancy tart.
Starting point is 00:45:54 Can we put an egg? Exclamation point out no. We can put a new loud on accent somewhere in there, yeah, and they'll pay twice the price for that. Why do you think that one guy keeps hitting on that weird drunk old lady? They are... Who looked? I wasn't going to say anything, but after this is all over, those two are a fucker. You know?
Starting point is 00:46:23 I don't know much, but that I do know, Dick. Chris, I think they've already did it. You see how the... You know the way she calls him Bobby like that? Yep. That's the only time she said it. If she used Robert and, you know, she got a little upset, but a little aroused, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:46:42 Yeah, I know. Well, you know, when we're together, they call me Bobby, but I call her Bob in. Just wanted to give you an update over here on this liver ice cream. Yeah, just to put in perspective, how this is going. Somehow this is worse than them, and they tried to cook people in eggs or something,
Starting point is 00:47:12 feeding them their own kind. This isn't going well over here, pal. This ice cream's looking, looking little rink. There's a little bit of infighting happening over there, but this is not going well at all. You'll hear a voice from the kitchen as I'm just rustling around. Don't give up! Keep studying!
Starting point is 00:47:30 Don't get him! Oh boy, we lost him. We lost him. He's in the trenches. I couldn't find any wash to candy this port belly, so I just spit on it a bunch. So I would apply, you know, all the sweets. They have all of the sweets. They have all of the, that.
Starting point is 00:47:46 the ingredients but we have something that they don't have. Broads! That's a little quail-loos. Born for this whole. It's born for this roll. Quail-loose. Who's the dough, did she? Come the door!
Starting point is 00:49:02 You think that was really the appropriate order to put it out? We just put the bacon right on the rack. You put the pie on top of it. It'll be fine. I don't know. I just said we took a damn fayw on. Yeah, it cooks upside out, probably. probably yeah I feel like we should just listen to them
Starting point is 00:49:25 George I gotta be honest I gotta tell you this ice cream looks like shit this is working good I don't know what but the liver ice cream I mean I know I should have tried to say something but you know I didn't want to argue and with the color of the liver it does actually look like shit looks like somebody defecated in a bowl what are we gonna do trust the Ramsey recipe all right keep going to churning this ice cream you know trying to salvage this Can you roll a D20 for me and you roll one as well as you continue to work on it? No, no.
Starting point is 00:50:04 When it comes to planning, I would like to get to the judges and everyone else before any. These fuckers do. Nine. 16. Oh, God. You know, Kremi. Yeah. I've been really coming down off of that high.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yeah. And I think that's for the reason that I've been so messed up. No, Twink. You've been messed up. Yeah. I tried, I tried to bring you capital, baby. Well, you did, you tried to bring you people. I didn't know you were gonna cook them though, but anyway, that's at the point.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Right. I don't think drugs are what's going to win this for us. You don't think so? Uh-uh. You think what we got, well, you think we have what it takes to win? Yeah, because I think when, when it comes to bacon, it's about the love that you put into it. And you love your me more.
Starting point is 00:50:58 And I love my end. And I also love you and the rest of the guys. And so if we just put that amount of love and energy into this pie, then I think we could win this thing, Grimmy. You're right, we... I don't think we need those drugs. Grimes didn't need those drugs. New Grumms did great.
Starting point is 00:51:22 Brums did great. Yeah. Take a persuasion check. Okay. Wow. Nice. Oh, no, sorry, I lied, 23. I do love my, Mom, Ma, Ma.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Yeah. And I love you, Twig. Thank you, Damn. I'm a good cook. You are a good cook. No, I'm not a good cook. I'm a damn good chef. Yeah, you are, Crimmie.
Starting point is 00:51:50 And so are you, Twig. Yeah, me too. I'm actually just a baker, but yeah. We don't need these drugs. No, we don't. Just like our teachers always said. They make us fools, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:02 And, and... then don't go to school, right? No. I don't know where I'm going with us. Anyway, we're going to make the pie. It's going to be delicious. Drugs will make you croak with the picture of frog. That's in the faywam. Actually, there was this place when I was going to school. There were these people that came called Dare, Dare not to do drugs, and they had a competition for a t-shirt, or if you drew a cool picture, and it was awesome, they'd get you a t-shirt, and I drew a picture of frog and tombstone that said,
Starting point is 00:52:32 drugs will make you croak and I got second place and I want a t-shirt. That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's true story. Cut to the other side of the kitchen. Julia, we need more drugs. Stop boat on that shit. Put it all in. Do not skip on this shit.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Okay, we'll buy you more drugs later. It must have spent a lot of fatal, you know, bucks or gold pieces, whatever you got on that program, huh? I don't know, to be honest. But what I do know is it didn't work. I still let me. frogs but I personally I don't do it
Starting point is 00:53:07 believe that that was a choice I had to make for myself I'm a frog liquor to squeeze frogs into this pie and that's okay twig I mean you're an adult I want to keep those frogs to myself you get to make your own choices and you know you're what we call a functionate addict
Starting point is 00:53:32 you know as long as it's only a problem if you can't function in society and for me I've run it in you do do? Yeah. While high on frogs. That's impressive, dam. When I committed various war crimes, I had even licked a frog that day. Wow. You would, you know, you're probably going to, I didn't know sober. I mean, might have been like a little bit of withdrawal symptoms going on. I don't think so. To frog long enough to withdraw. I'm not too familiar with how the biology
Starting point is 00:54:02 of frog looking works. What I'm saying is, and she reaches out and grabs your hand. We've got this for me. We do have this, we don't need no. We don't need no. drugs? For me ma'am. For me? For me. For me. The talm was inside of all of you the whole time. I'm just staying with my nose. Alright, chef, chef, come on, come on, we gotta get a team here. Let's get all the hands in here. Come on, chef, come on, chef, come on chef. All right, remember, drugs are really exciting. Dare to be cool. Here we go. One, three, one, two, three. Dr. We are good.
Starting point is 00:54:40 I will assemble the pie. I'll mix the... I roll a D20, and for this one I will have the leader of this Gordon Ramsey. I'll be pleading and rushing over as stealthily as I can to the judges. Just one judge. Oh, one judge. 15. Just straight. Not bad.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Not bad. I get a little bit of inspiration because of twigs helping me. That sounds like bad roll. They did just have a heartwarming chat. Like very hard-tale. Yeah, you know what? Well, I was part of the heartwarming chat. That feels like cheating.
Starting point is 00:55:22 You could use a twist if you want to. Let's twist it. Okay, I'll twist it. 15. Oh, we got a showdown here, boys. I like that. That was nice. You played up the tart a la Beaselberry pie,
Starting point is 00:55:44 and you played up your concoction. Mm-hmm. As you begin to make your way towards the judge's table, where there had been originally four seats. There is now only one large tall stool seat. And Bavlornna with three lornlings around her. As she
Starting point is 00:56:05 looks out at you, her mouth opens incredibly wide as she unhinges her jaw and her large tongue flops out of her mouth and begins to lick at her lips. They are dry and cracked. As she looks at you with a partial smile and she waits for you to bring the desserts to her.
Starting point is 00:56:30 I'll trot up as I'll have a plate. Ramsey's favorite dessert. Grass. From the evening fields. The southern meadow. On the side of the hill right beneath the willow. As soon as a plate of your house. And you see, he steps back.
Starting point is 00:56:56 What happened to the rest of the food? turning ice cream. I'm like, Gordon, what the fuck? The buyer's almost done break her. Did you get into the drugs? What happened? Did you want what was in the oven? I mean, we're taking this out or? It was an distraction to excellence, brain supreme.
Starting point is 00:57:12 But what about all the drugs? I mean, we're gonna get so hard. We are fucked. We are fucked. Bablornah looks down at the grass and her smile widens as her tongue, though it's flopped out of her mouth, she moves it with dexterity,
Starting point is 00:57:28 She laps up some of the grass and begins to chew. Her mouth open as she chews, all of the mouth noises heard audibly throughout the auditorium or the studio here. She swallows down a large gulp and picks up a goblet of bubbling swamp water and drinks it down. That was delicious for a bit of grass.
Starting point is 00:57:58 But it could have had more. There was not enough sliminess. It was too dry. That is where our next course comes in. Bring the drugs. Such a julia. And then I'll get him. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:26 Just wash it down with this. And it's just like a collection of pills and powders. It is a two-quart dish. Just like an old dish. old needle, I told it up the side. This is the evening dude from the morning field. Her tongue laughs out and she takes up a scoop of what is clearly crushed up pills, a syringe, some, uh,
Starting point is 00:58:51 and she swallows it down with a gulp before taking a swig of her goblet of swamp juice. That I'm good. It is very bitter and they... She coughs up a bit of glass, and she begins to crunch down on it. I don't know why that kicked on. So this is something I could see my lonelings liking. This is not something that Lorna likes herself, and it's not something I think the residents of the Sogikourst could eat.
Starting point is 00:59:30 I do have quite the constitution for the trick you like to play. I like it. I will give it an 8.5 out of 10. Oh, no, you snuck drugs into our dash. Unbelievable! Still trying to lose. Do you think there are enough drugs to serve all these people? I'm trying to win! Second place is the first loser! No! That let's be serious, Julian. We not got enough drugs to kill an elephant. There aren't enough drugs in Prismet. Brisbane.
Starting point is 01:00:06 She pushes things away and you hear under her breath that she says they should have, they should have stuck with the grass. Oh, shit. You second guessed yourself. Thank you, Judge. What a do, Ms. Blatstraws. Pleasure to see you again. She nods and smiles to you.
Starting point is 01:00:30 To cap off. Whatever you brought for Mother Warner. To cap off this evening's events. should say. We have prepared something simple but delicious. Hawkins's back to our homes, our families, all the... It's a specialty from the end at the end of the road. We call it Mi-Miles Taught-a-Bieselberry pie and I'm gonna put it down and it's just like a, you know how like you can never really get a pretty slice of like those fruit pies. They're all kind of sloppy.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Yeah, it's just one of those. It's like a big wedge of that. It's not very attractive. The, you know, the extra crust was, I sort of like pushed it over onto the on top of the pie. It has a Beaselberry crumble on top. Yeah, and then there's still a crumble on top. There's a little bit crumble with some, um, grumble, man, uh, with some, you know, extra sugary, flowery bits, whatever that's called strusel. Struisle. If you get real close, you can hear. And then for a garnished, one gusher looking in a top of the direction of an art. This looks delicious.
Starting point is 01:01:48 We will see how it tastes. And she reaches out and pulls the plate closer. As her tongue wraps around it, she takes the entire juicy mess of pie, of tart a of bumbleberry pie and tosses it into her incredibly large, open, frog-like mouth. You see her teeth are slightly serrated towards the back as she begins to chew loudly and ferociously on this thing. And she swallows. She looks at you with a smile. I can taste the love you have for your lemma. There is a bit of your own heart in this dish.
Starting point is 01:02:33 I'd say so, chef. And in the faywild that is important. for many reasons. Uh-oh. I see. Consuming a magic like this is valuable. I will give this a 9.5 out of 10. You...
Starting point is 01:03:00 Midgea! Nile, you... You... The... The crowd absolutely goes wild. The crowd absolutely goes wild. As you are proclaimed the winner, the chairman announces that Chef Cremie LaCrew
Starting point is 01:03:21 has won Electrum Chef. You are given a medal, and you and Twiggs stand there and wave as the crowd goes crazy. The four of you begin to feel the magic wane as the hour has passed, and you begin to feel yourselves returning to your body, not quite just yet, but you can feel yourself the big. very back of your mind.
Starting point is 01:03:47 I would, Bobby would like to walk up to Grammy and say, congratulations. You're gonna go places, good, nice job. I appreciate that. A promising young career. That seems genuine.
Starting point is 01:03:57 Wow, I didn't expect that, but thank you. Well done. No! No! I'm a drug joint obligated to do this. What are you?
Starting point is 01:04:06 And I pull up two pieces of bread on the side of your head. I pull out the script from earlier. An idiot sandwich? Oh, Oh, Hold on, before we cut to credits, Allé cuisine,
Starting point is 01:04:26 and I pull out a bell pepper out of my magical a drink and took a bite out of it. Thank you. And I'm, like, pretending to chew it, and I'm waiting to, like, cut to credits for the cameras to stop and then to spit it out.
Starting point is 01:04:38 Cut! Oh, the fuck does that, and I'll throw it over my shoulder. Congratulations on the win. I'm going to take this drug pie that we never served and I'm going to take my teeth and I'm going to go to my sweet. Hey, Julia, wait, before you've done the pie, don't put your teeth back in. I'm going to follow.
Starting point is 01:05:07 It's a little baseline. And it is at this time that the audience files out and about an hour later, uh, tore back and Frost, come back to the, uh, to the studio. And all of you have returned to yourselves. Do we have any memory of that? Yeah. Oh.
Starting point is 01:05:37 Can we spend all of our twists on now? That's going to spark to our backs. Oh, my God. You still got some drugs, Lou. I still have Julia's memories. You did remember to burn all the Beaselberry seeds, right? They'll turn into horrible nightmare abominations if you don't. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 01:05:58 I didn't. How long is that tape? Oh. Where are they? Oh, gosh. Hopefully they haven't made it to the nursery by now. I left them in the trash can and I run back. I see like gooey trails.
Starting point is 01:06:16 Hey, turns out of John Carpenter's the thing. Oh, no. Wait a minute, Frost, didn't you just leave? Oh, no. Gradients were like people animals. like humanoid animals like a human goose and a human pig and a human yeah look we don't have to think about that all right it's over we won I look around and I see if I can spot Babylon you look around and you can see that she has clearly already left the
Starting point is 01:07:03 gullip the 19th has left it was it was very clear that the audience was making their way to dinner that you were supposed to be providing dinner I would say for the sake of brevity, you had been told that it was your recipes that would be used, that the kitchen staff themselves would oversee making sure that everyone was allowed to eat, but that you would have a table should you decide to join the banquet. But until then, if you'd like to, you can make your way back to the room. You would be escorted back and you could get dressed for dinner and eventually make your way to the dining hall. Hey guys, Doorbanks, a little diffused and scared, is Pierre alive? Unclear.
Starting point is 01:07:54 Yeah, I was going to say, one hell it was showing, brother, but I think you would have won it without having to kill the guy. Well, I mean, I overheard one of the tech assistants say he was probably going to be okay, but I think that was kind of like
Starting point is 01:08:08 where they drew in, you know, once the helicopter explodes and Dragon Ball Z, you know, the American census drew in the little guy on the parachute. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's okay! Yeah. I think it was just one of those. Yeah, I heard it. It looked like they were trying to
Starting point is 01:08:23 pick up a couple of pieces of them. I heard something about they were taking them to the fly CU and it didn't look very good. That's pretty funny. And I'm very upset. I don't make the joke. Did it die getting the recipe for your dessert?
Starting point is 01:08:39 I understand that number of them died. And they're probably going to have to kill more in order to get whatever these these easel berries are. It might be very difficult to procure, but we don't have time for that. Oh, holy jean. Is this the most lethal cooking show on the plane? I feel like I had a whole life flash before, but I had my own cooking show,
Starting point is 01:09:02 and I would go to help restaurants, even though 75 to 90% of them would close within three months of me helping them. That's not a very good ratio. Is that true? Yes, I mean, that was what I remember, but it was, I guess they're a nightmare for a reason, you know. Yeah, it was, well, as long as you look good coming out of it, it's like great promotional material for your personality as a chef.
Starting point is 01:09:26 Yeah, you can make millions of gold pieces doing that, and who gives the fuck what happens to the guy that is doing this time that you do make your way to the room, you aren't dressing up for dinner, and that's what's happening while you engage with each other. Yes. I will get back, I will very neatly fold up my new chef's outfit and my hat and I will put it away and get back into my suit. Um, and put my top hat back on. And real, I will remove the curls from the end of my mustache. Just to my normal pencil thin. Oh, who see you didn't see any of that? Thank goodness.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Do you have a nice nap? Oh, you's got a nice sleep. I'll know you've been a little cranky lately. Oh, that's great. Okay. You got to get dressed for dinner. No, you're not wearing that. Are you serious? You're just as a superhero costume. That's ridiculous.
Starting point is 01:10:22 Oh, you know, I can't say no to you. It's okay. Let's go. Now, all the way to dinner, why don't we stop by the box with Babylon and left the letter for us? Oh, it's still there. I mean, it hasn't been that long. It's been over an hour, man.
Starting point is 01:10:35 We did a whole cooking show, and then there was also an hour where they created memories will never forget. It's been like three hours. And there was also in the commercial breaks. That added up to court. There's a lot of sponsors with that show.
Starting point is 01:10:47 Yeah, that's true. That guy's feelings for Julia were very confused. Yes, I agree. It was... Tallback, I don't know how you and Clemens Tires are doing, but that
Starting point is 01:11:03 is not a healthy dynamic. That is not to be emulated or to be learned from. I don't care would any kind of loses and fedora tell you on the flintanet? But that is not appropriate, okay? Torbank cares you, but it's kind of exciting. Really like to have a very, on God of my sake, to know, hootie earmuffs.
Starting point is 01:11:26 Earmuffs. You know, all I wanted to do is make chocolate, chocolate chip, and walnut banana bread, just like Uncle Globo used to make. It's all I wanted to do. And then there was a bunch of shenanigans. Isn't it always? Always. Let's continue.
Starting point is 01:11:46 I go to the box. Let's try to forgive me about that. Throw it away with like the pot. Nope, you go there and it seems like nobody messes with Bavlornah's box and it is just as you would expect covered in my.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Bobby, Bobby. No way. It's not different from Julie because everybody's messing with that box. I want to hear of Bavlona, she's a frog woman. I mean, if you see the size of that mouth. What can that do? All right, cook those likes for dinner.
Starting point is 01:12:12 You know what I meant? Hey, everybody. Gary Goodberry here. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of adventurers and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including monthly movie nights and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh.
Starting point is 01:12:37 You can also go to the crooked mood.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thanks. Bye. You are in the room that you had been pulled aside to and you have all donned attire for dinner. Okay, so you are in this room and you have gotten dressed and you know I know that it is near time for you to leave. Oh, no, you had gone to get the letter.
Starting point is 01:13:17 I'll say you were able to retrieve the letter and bring it back to the room. It is still sealed. It is a folded piece of waterlogged parchment, bits of algae caked to it. And on the back of it, you see a green wax seal with the symbol stamped on it of an hourglass. Put your hands with that, man.
Starting point is 01:13:38 Just toss that in this here bag. Just get on with dinner. Are you saying we should put it with the other letters? Never read it? What are the letters? We have a collection of letters. Oh yeah, we do have a collection of letters. Oh, getting you have a very lovely reading voice, so why don't you,
Starting point is 01:13:54 what don't you read it for us? Oh, you want me to, well, I suppose I could, I mean... Yeah. Come on, come on. Let's go. And then, uh... Well, I don't know, it's all in hag, I guess. Is it all in hag?
Starting point is 01:14:14 No, it's in common. Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. Hold it upside down. God damn. It was just the hand riding. It's very, uh, very curly cues. Uh, yeah, well, um, it's very clear that here it says, uh,
Starting point is 01:14:30 and then to, you know, defeat witches and hags, uh, you got, is there a letter? What? Yes, there's a letter. What? Is it somewhere? I mean, he's just going. Content?
Starting point is 01:14:43 No. Well, I thought you're going to stop me at some point. I'm not. I'm not. It's going to lay you. Oh, okay. Is there a letter I can read? Well, there's, I'm not going to hand you a letter. Oh, okay. Do you want to read the letter?
Starting point is 01:14:53 Do you like me to read the letter maze? Only if we can say that your voice is my voice, not have a beautiful reading voice. You do have a beautiful reading voice. Okay, thank you. But I, yes, I love that. The letter simply says that Bavlona is looking forward to dinner with you the following evening. There is a small map of downfall, and it directs you to a place. called the watchtower at the opposite edge of downfall itself and that you are to be
Starting point is 01:15:23 there at 9 p.m. prompt roughly 9 p.m. if that would exist in the the equivalent of 9 p.m. prompt and that she will send she will send a travel a traveling bucket down the down the clothes line to collect you and bring you to to her cottage. She requests that you that you think of your heart's desire and come equipped should you choose to dine with her that was prettily red and that was very lovely well guys make me blush the way you paraphrased it is you know I mean I've read a letter it's very gentle man I got to say going from you doorback that's uh it's quite the compliment
Starting point is 01:16:18 Of course. Starback Means. Oh, gosh. Well, yeah, so I think it's just, you know, an invitation to have dinner with her tomorrow night. It says promptly 9 p.m. or somewhere around it. Oh, the equivalent of 9 p.m. or the equivalent of 9 p.m. She's going to send a bucket to come scoop us up. And then we'll go enjoy it. Yeah, so I mean, someone's going to come down the line. So we don't have to, like, look for it or anything. I don't think. Well, we got this map. But, you know, we go somewhere.
Starting point is 01:16:47 He's gonna send a bucket down one of the clothes lines. We get into it all, you know. I presume as long as we're next to one of the connecting cables to the center that will be bucketed. Should we bring wine or an order? I think it's only nice if we bring some sort of a gift like wine, yes. I don't think we can show up empty-handed. I mean, that's just bad manners. That's what Dormack says.
Starting point is 01:17:10 I mean, is one going to do anything to you see how many drugs she ate? It did. He ate a whole lot. She won some drugs. One of that old. And they didn't do nothing. Right guys got a point. She really housed those.
Starting point is 01:17:24 I thought that she was going to text a little out, but it's fine. Yeah, she's not coming out of that K-hole anytime soon. It did look like a prescription pill a Frida or something. And she just gobbled it right down. What a fucking...
Starting point is 01:17:42 I mean, she's a tank. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was never saying. Then she was talking. Talking about how our Lornelings needed to take all the ecstasy. I wonder if that's just how they do the bath, you know? I'd rather not think about that at this time, getting in. We're about to eat.
Starting point is 01:18:01 You don't want to think about what, Frost? Yeah, what do you don't know what to think about? I'm a little confused. You know, like, is it like a non-governor-word thing? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Does it, like, turn your stomach to watch 12 small loinlings just gingerly bade someone who looks exactly like them with the ton of hands
Starting point is 01:18:21 I do have powers is this a service that's offered around here oh yeah I mean it might happen at dinner tomorrow you can see if she oh we could try the wax thing man she might be up for that tarmac is interesting I want to yeah if she's got all those little little things I hate those guys you ever want to just like play whack-a-mo but with like living beings oh yeah absolutely
Starting point is 01:18:46 But not moles, mows don't deserve that. No, moles are cute, man. Especially not gophers or groundhogs or woodchucks, or any, or prairie dogs, or any burrowing critter for that mire. Or ground squirrels of any kinds. And with that, some other rides to take you to dinner. Julia was prairie dogging during that entire reason. Oh, bros! A torquick is disgusted!
Starting point is 01:19:11 Derek, what the fuck is wrong with you? The tormentor was disgusted, but Bobbi was disgusting. Disgusted, but Bobby ate it straight up. That is... That is... We're gonna cut that out. We hit the dinner. For the second time tonight.
Starting point is 01:19:29 I mean, it's just dumb to eat. That is... That's not a good T-O-O-S. We're gonna get a man. Please, nobody... We applauded tonight, we're all in you, I'm gonna. You know what I mean
Starting point is 01:19:47 You don't know The dog were saying You don't fucking know I can sense the ban Andrew It just feels close Andrew I hear you wish to challenge me
Starting point is 01:19:59 Like that's Like on the war hammer Yeah he descends From the sky With the Warhammer Brode in the accuser Surely I will win Because my speed is speed
Starting point is 01:20:09 Here He's here He's actually in a space marine soon. You make your way to dinner. We do. Nobody have any of the dessert. It doesn't take long for you to get to the dining hall,
Starting point is 01:20:33 but you were escorted to a table where there are two bullywugs that have joined you. You sit down at the table as the first course is brought out. The rion. And it is exactly. as Kremi had prepared it, they were somehow able to replicate his recipe exactly. And you, and you are impressed and I would say excited as you enjoy the overall atmosphere of dinner. Everyone seems to be incredibly happy. At the very far end of the room, you see the
Starting point is 01:21:13 high table, which includes King Gull of the 19th and his most trusted night. nights, one of which you remember to be the knight that was clearly in league with Ilich, the Baron of Muckstump. And sitting directly to his right in beautiful nightly regalia is Morga. She looks over to you and she nods and smiles, clearly in thanks as dinner progressives, At no point are you ushered up to the king. It's simply just an enjoyable dinner with two bully wugs sitting there next to you. They don't seem to be making conversation with you.
Starting point is 01:22:01 They seem almost nervous to be at the table of the winner of Electrum Chef as well as the performers from the Hopper. Oh yes, that also happened recently. Let us not forget. We are quite... ago. That was very recent. We are quite trained at Tours. The Cawfish stew comes out and you are, once again, it is. You mean Carlin.
Starting point is 01:22:30 You mean Carlin. Oh, bro. The Carlfish. Well, if we have... When Torbick thinks about it, this has been the longest day of Covick. Corpick even means when considering the talk, That's crazy. I'm glad you said that.
Starting point is 01:22:57 It's been a long, it's been like, what, 42, 72 hours since we started at the carnival? This is insanity. The one night that we were going to have a good rest, we were at Twiggs Cottage, and then something attacked us. Torbeck still feels bad about that.
Starting point is 01:23:15 It's fine. Low blow, frosty. So now I'm just irritated. It's been a little. Hey, you're a little testing. They're right. I mean, I'm not, I'm not lying. That's just the word.
Starting point is 01:23:34 I'm not lying anything. I'm just checking. I wanted to make sure he wasn't, you know, betraying his, his baywild pact. Yeah. When it went into downfall. I just want to play one of the heads off.
Starting point is 01:23:45 Ah! You got crawfins. Too! Torbex! Oh, God. I'll use your problem to rinse that out. It does seem to shoot around, huh? Dorebex like six feet away.
Starting point is 01:23:56 Oh, it's anything. Oh, It's its flat zone, do they? Vision for a few days, but... It'll be all right. Now, Hootsey, you wouldn't... Here's how you get a nice good luck wish. Now you take your coral fish and see how he's like this,
Starting point is 01:24:16 and you grab an arm and I grab an arm, and whoever gets the head, there we shall come true. You ready? Oh, no, you gotta put it a little bit more. Okay, yeah, you don't want to have a phone. Okay, there you go. Three, two, one. Hootzi, you're gonna put it.
Starting point is 01:24:31 You got the head! You're going to come true! I pre-slice the arm, so she would get the hair. Oh, pretty, oh, you're just to go. I hope it's a very nice and lovely wish. Absolutely. Thank you. Morgho, it's a pleasure to see you free nine.
Starting point is 01:24:51 You're not talking to Morggo. Morgo is up at the King's table and you have not access to the King's table. You got a nine? Yeah. Thank you. Question, these dishes are all perfect replications. Do they have witch light in them?
Starting point is 01:25:08 Why do you think I'm having frost roll on the table? Oh, perfect, perfect. Oh, it really is the high table. They don't have like the quality stuff. You begin to suck the juice out of the head of the coral fish. And you realize that now is the time to pitch your new company idea. You know who else sucks the head of a coral fish? Angel investors like you.
Starting point is 01:25:36 You know, Cremie, I am really. I'm really impressed with your cooking, I have to be honest. It's been ages since I've really seen you. And all of you roll D20s from you. Enjoy your mastercraft. And with your new belt and your assistance of twig. I was wondering, just out of curiosity, if you'd be open to a potential food enterprise, you see, I have an idea.
Starting point is 01:25:56 That's the form factor of the tater tot, yes? You're familiar with tater tots, yes? Yeah, I've had them. Now, get ready. Because we could go into business together selling taper tots. These are tater tots that taper to a point, you see? It's the best of both worlds. When you cook them, they'll be soft and juicy on the bottom and then burnt to the crisp on the other side. There will be three varieties, of course. There will be a teardrop formation. There will be a form factor
Starting point is 01:26:24 of the pyramid style, and then, of course, the cone, which is my favorite. What do you say, Gramee? With your culinary skills and my business acumen, I believe we'd be able to go into business without issue on the taper tots extravaganza. We can make so much gold when we get back and save ourselves. Who's your target market? People who like tater
Starting point is 01:26:51 tots and enjoy when they start wide and then go thin on one end. I feel like it's intrinsically valuable and obvious. Have you identified a demand for this product? I mean tater tots are loved all over Ventress. What number did you get?
Starting point is 01:27:07 16. Thank you. I gotta say, I definitely love the idea of eating tater tauts and more forms and shapes. Tormac is the target on the hands. You two, would you agree? I point to the two Bullywugs. Would you agree that, Tate, you'll sign these nondis closure forms, first of all. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you.
Starting point is 01:27:31 That's actually a power of attorney. I get to make a decision for you. What was the question? Oh, if you were to go to a store and you had an aisle where you could buy tater tots, but next to them were taper tots, exactly the same product, but it tapered to a point. Would you not think that that would be a much more delicious and enjoyable experience, fanciful even? Well, how do you prevent them from crumbling the tape in the bag? Oh, uh, crummy.
Starting point is 01:28:05 How do we crimp? How do we... Well, that's the thing about the packaging. I imagine perhaps they could come in some sort of a tray instead of a bag. You're telling me you come on me with a business out there and you haven't sourced the production? Crummy, as a CEO, you'd like to offer an apology. You are very sorry for what's happened. Yeah, resolve this frost.
Starting point is 01:28:28 I know. If they're not served in a tray, then I agree that they might fall apart. If it falls apart and this gets out, the board's going to ask me to step down. You know, Stan? That's exactly my point. I'm not to put up some fucking shit-eating statement that makes it sound like I'm moving on with better things.
Starting point is 01:28:49 This is willing in some fucking sort of way. These production issues will have to be resolved right away, but it does sound like we have a deal. What the hell are you guys talking about, man? You don't sit on board? Nobody would ask you to step down? You don't know if we fucked up.
Starting point is 01:29:02 We fuck up all the time. No, but we really fucked up. We have a whole lot of unhappy customers. You know what I mean if unhappy customers exist for carnival of crew? Well, quite a bit. Yeah, all of them, I think. Do you care about any of those customers? No, not even a little bit.
Starting point is 01:29:17 Neither do I, but it's not bad if they think we don't care about our customers that we robbed and potentially injured. Look bad to who? We try as hard as we can to stay out of the line of side of any of them. Well, but I mean, if work gets out, I mean, there's grassroots again. Sorry. You'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. The means justify the ends. Okay. First, I didn't think I knew what you were talking about,
Starting point is 01:29:50 but now I'm in. All right, whatever we got to do, whatever we got to do to make this right, I'm going to make that happen. Guys, these are just taper tots. I feel like this is spiraling out of control. No, we have buying. We're all growing in the same direction.
Starting point is 01:30:03 There's no such thing is just taper tots, all right? We've got to fix this. We've got a problem, all right? Please don't you? Oh, sorry about this. Sorry about this. I always thought it was pronounced tapir. You're thinking of the animal. We're not making teated tots out of tape, out of lobs,
Starting point is 01:30:22 well, and disgusting. That's cruel and disgusting. That might solve the packaging issue, though. You make them in the shape of tapers. That's a good point. To pier. No, no, don't take the shop. Don't take the shot.
Starting point is 01:30:33 Don't take the shot. No, go to her off. As you're saying this, you find an empty paper towel to meet. I mean, what I mean we were talking about? Taper? Oh,
Starting point is 01:30:48 yeah? What's you got there? Torbeck, is it? What? Norbeck, what are you doing? You were about to make a point, Torbeck. We were trying to be active listeners
Starting point is 01:31:05 to make you feel included and listen to you. Torbeck is busy. Yes, we were just about to go over the business plan. Wait, do you like to join the capacity? It's not a Voo-Vo-Zala,
Starting point is 01:31:24 to me. What the hell? Can you roll again? Oh, my head. Use your imagination, Frost. That's kind of neat. Grico, you were watching all of this happen as you now take a step back.
Starting point is 01:31:46 As you feel like you are almost removed from the situation entirely. You begin to observe and describe everything around you like David Attenborough in a nature documentary. The juvenile mail tape known for its dexterity
Starting point is 01:32:19 but in many cultures and kitchens around the ventras it is known for its tenderness and juicy after taste due to a misunderstanding
Starting point is 01:32:42 there is a nerdy goblin afoot stalking the prey Torbock, you're really into, you're really just clapping my style. You're really... Oh. Oh, wow. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You know, you actually have you set down. Man. Whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen. Here's what we do. We're going to start fresh with this tape of Tats idea. We're gonna make it out of the actual table. We already solved the problem about them coming in the back. Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:26 But before we go to market, we gotta apologize to everyone that we've ever done wrong. Anybody that we charge for us and everybody, all the kids that maybe got injured and broke the wrong because they fell off the Ferris wheel. I apologize. There's no other way to see this. We gotta kill the kids, all right? You understand? You said kill the kids? I mean... You think, well, I'm sorry. Oh, no, please, accept our apology.
Starting point is 01:33:56 No, I mean, reviews for our tapir tots are going to be fucking terrible. Yes, we're going to have to create a contrast in order to sell the tapertops after Kremi's apology, but his apology won't hit home unless they're dead kids. Boss, I got you. You have what it takes? I stand up on the table. I stand up on the dinner table. Can I have everyone's attention, please?
Starting point is 01:34:18 There is an overall din of communication as people are enjoying their supper and they begin to quiet as they all turn and look towards you, including the king and Morgow. Looking a bit confused as Gideon steps up onto the table and begins to speak. Attention, please. You hear from the back of the room, you got our fucking attention. No, alright. Thanks, Joe Steven. Can I get some more whiskey? Yeah, I, here's a deal, everybody, all right?
Starting point is 01:34:56 Would like to make an apology. It needs to happen, okay? We gotta make something right. But first things, first, I need all the children. The male fire Genesee at such dominance by employ the tried old true method of bluster. But this specimen has it in spades.
Starting point is 01:35:25 The children will surely come. No, no, no, no, kid. Not these children. The children from carnivalry. Oh, shit, man. Well, everyone's looking at me already. I shout out. Ever got everybody's fucking attention, man.
Starting point is 01:35:40 What do I do now? I don't know. Do some kind of trick for him. Hey, forget that thing I said about the kids, all right? I didn't actually mean that. I'm going to trick for the kids. Yeah, give me all the kids so I can show them a trick. That's what I meant.
Starting point is 01:35:54 I meant the thing about the kids. Go back to what I said about the kids. I need them all. You notice that there are no kids in here. It's very clear that all the kids have been put to bed and this is an adult dinner. Wake them, wake them up. Wake the kids up.
Starting point is 01:36:07 King, we got kids here? No? Well, that's a fucking shame. Torbeck is cramies' favorite animal. Oh, there we go. Well, well, well. Well, here's what I wanted your attention for, all right? Listen, I can do this, and it's going to be pretty cool, okay?
Starting point is 01:36:32 Whatever it takes! I grab a drink from... I grab a drink from a table. This is a more appropriate, frog. I drink it back, I hold it in my mouth for a second. As it's in my, as the liquor is pulling in my mouth, I hold it for a moment, and I use produced flame while I still have it to ignite the alcohol in there.
Starting point is 01:37:07 And I lean back and I spit it upwards in a, in a like a fountain cascade of flame and alcohol. Hey, watch the next tube! There is a, there's a loud, unified gas. as everyone reels back seeing the flames, but they are shocked and surprised and caught off guard, but they do find it beautiful. And they seem to be interested.
Starting point is 01:37:37 They're still very confused as to what it's going on. The apology I wanted to make was that I hadn't shown you all I could do that yet. So thank you for your attention and return to your meal. Oh, wait. Oh, no, I still needed. I still needed. Keep me, keep your eyes on me. You know what? Instead of kids, why don't we just apologize to these frog folk
Starting point is 01:37:56 and maybe like social media will sort of sprint it. You know what I mean? And don't forget to mention the taper times. All right, so wait, before you do, repeat after the end. I'm with it. Okay. Say, you know, at Conavala crew, our goal was always to pass on joy
Starting point is 01:38:14 to child and adult all around adventuress. Is that going to work? The male flyer. Genossi, while mature in years and age, was not in maturity or spirit. Little did he know as he spoke to the frogs that despite being swampy, they are quite flammable. And this might attract the natural predator of frogs.
Starting point is 01:38:42 Heron hydra, oh, nature oligemists who specialize in monsters know that it is very natural for Bollywans. for Bollywugs to be snapped up by a dire heroin. It's pretty badass, actually. It is badass. And I'm going to spend my time talking about each and every Bullywugs so you get attached to them and are very sad when they are inevitably devoured. Dormacken, you're the ocean! Look at this NDA.
Starting point is 01:39:32 That's Harold's wife. Isn't that amazing? Oh wow. It's very sad. Does she know? I don't think so. She's really... Do we...
Starting point is 01:39:40 Do we... Do we... ...we're supposed to tell us something? Um... I don't know. I don't want to interrupt her eating all that grums so quickly. She's lurking her down. She can't really enjoying herself.
Starting point is 01:39:51 Let her... She's a hungry girl. Oh, yeah. She's a hungry girl. Alright. That's a second bowl. Oh, toolback. Have you saw this trick?
Starting point is 01:39:59 Can I try? Anyway, get on with the kids. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Oh, yeah. careful with it when last we met I was a but the learner now I am the master flossie doesn't much better isn't this the greatest thing ever I like the unicorn okay oh the drums of the bug bear are actually a mating dance
Starting point is 01:40:34 no this was the greatest proms that torquered ever the mating the mating the mating drumming of the bug bear is the universal sign that it is ready to breathe. Usually he doesn't use his tube like that, but yeah. That's the sound it makes. Yeah, you would know. Okay, well here's the thing, everybody, all right. You begin to say this, as you feel this need to do things, to explain what is happening, Wayne from you.
Starting point is 01:41:09 wane from you is the wishlight seems to process out of your system really quickly much more quickly than you would have expected Given how much was should have been in the food Oh man, but you were now standing in front of all of them GERA peri ushering you on paper hunch Man another time I ended up on the table right in the middle of dinner Made for real taper just just repeat what I said before remember Well, here's the deal, everybody. Here at Carnival, the crew, we work for you,
Starting point is 01:41:46 and we like to make sure the kids have a good time. And, you know, well, we're sorry, I think. No, no, no. Oh, clearly we missed the mark. As you begin to say this, you also feel, you also feel the witch light leave your system. The mark on what we were attempting to do. I'm gonna apologize and apologize to shit,
Starting point is 01:42:11 Gid. I have an announcement, I have an announcement. And I missed the mark. Do you know that no one would stop looking at him? And they were all thinking, what a food. Everybody loves tape the time. It's at this point that the rest of you also feel the witch-lily of your sisters.
Starting point is 01:42:39 This is the greatest thing Tormex done with this. The stupid goblin who cheats at Mott of the Scattering stands over the slain taper and What the fuck? Taper tuss? What was I thinking? That's the worst of both
Starting point is 01:42:59 worlds. Soggy and crispy? It doesn't make any fucking sense. And the tips would all fall off in the bag. Oh, yeah. That's a fucking stupid out of you, I mean. Tater tots on their own can't even stay together, let alone if they were tapered to a boy.
Starting point is 01:43:16 Can't make an entire business based on one stupid pun, that's for sure. We need to do better. We'll be doing an internal review. Did I fucking write this? Trash. Oh, man, I don't know what the hell was going on. I was, you know, I thought we had to make an apology, and I'm no good at apologizing for stuff, you know?
Starting point is 01:43:40 Because I don't ever take responsibility for it, so I don't think I've had to do it before. Then I was on the table and man we were committed. No, they will. They matched this one for one. There's definitely drugs than this. Oh, yeah. Well, it's probably our high tolerance why I wore off so quick.
Starting point is 01:43:59 I mean, half the time I'm just walking through the swamp. Fucking waylaid for goddamn hours. I think we should just pretend to eat the rest of the food because it's just... At this point, you're delivered the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, beaselberry pie. Oh, this we can eat. No drugs in this. Oh!
Starting point is 01:44:15 young. Fantastic. You deserve to win. I couldn't have done it without you, Twig, if you're here. I'm here. I just wish I was watching the 1999 film the Mummy Storm Brendan Fraser, but that's okay. Amen to that.
Starting point is 01:44:38 I don't know any of those. She's licking frogs again. That's our twigs. That is actually one of the problems Derek rode up. would rather be doing the only thing a character would rather be doing right now is watching the 99th film the mummy's time norton fraser and that's what to be rolled on the table thanks a great film yeah they don't make them like they used to they really you know yeah i'm an error really
Starting point is 01:45:07 there are just so many cheeky jokes in it and i just really like it well have you seen the 2001 film disney's jungle cruise saw and emily blund and between the rock jobs I mean, even if I had, I'd still rather be watching the 1999 major image called the Mummerstar and Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weiss. You know, I wouldn't blame you. I know me either. Anyways. I always thought it was pronounced Waste. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:45:36 Is that true? I'm pretty sure it's wise. Okay, that's what I said. What happens then for the pine, do you think, Twig? Well, hopefully it's not death. Well, based on everything I know about this, Barry from Julia's mind, it very well could be a nightmare death looks crafty and proportion. My guess is everyone's going to go to bed. You know, rural folks, they get real tired real quick.
Starting point is 01:46:04 King doesn't even make any kind of announcement or doesn't say anything cool. No, probably not. Well, no way me jumping them on the table is going to be the only announcement that happens all night, right? like it probably will be. Oh, fuck. Well, they're definitely going to remember it now. Well, now I'll feel foolish. I was going to go to Mogo and ask if she heard about to play.
Starting point is 01:46:28 Oh, yeah. I don't think anyone's going to gain access to that high table with all those guards around. Do you think that if we clink our glass, some of them have to kiss? You can try it. What, firstly, what? People start making out all over the room. Oh, wow. That's remarkable.
Starting point is 01:46:52 Wow. This is... They're really going at it. Oh. This is getting steamy. Oh, wow. That one's the first base like runway. Thank God Julian Bobby on here.
Starting point is 01:47:12 Where do you think that they went? I mean, I know that they inhabited us for a brief time. All of us, these chefs. Yeah, from what it sounded like, you just became them, but that they actually exactly exactly. existed in the same timeline somewhere else. So were they borrowed from their existence and in some other part of the Faye Wilde? There was a frost and...
Starting point is 01:47:32 Or maybe just duplicated, I don't know. I don't know how it works. I'm not the way they made the potion frost. I'm made them a bit of pot with Crimmie. I would like to learn the answers to these things. They always confound me. The mysteries of the Faye Wild. Yeah, you know what's really nice though? Because we're just having dinner. There's nothing else special going on. It's actually true.
Starting point is 01:47:52 Oh, that's pretty fucking cool. This is actually very relaxing. Yeah, because I feel like most of the time everything we're doing, it leads somewhere. No one has a bigger point and a grander design, but right now we're just eating dinner. About a damn time, I need in 20 minutes. Oh, ma'am. Oh my god, a dire hair in a backdrop! The natural bread are bulliwarks everywhere.
Starting point is 01:48:20 Go to that damn admiral. Gideon, pick up your water glass. Oh, gosh, I thought I was kidding. No, I was just joking. There isn't a dire hair and I'm not. Oh, I know, because I'm looking around and there isn't one for sure. Oh, well. Perhaps we can actually just go to bed and I can even meditate, we could have some peace and white.
Starting point is 01:48:50 Oh, that would be so nice to go to sleep. Perhaps read? Reed. And not have any horrible nightmares. And well, dinner's over. Like, look at all of these people leaving and heading back to their places.
Starting point is 01:49:01 It's probably going to go bang. And, well, certainly that. After what they did here. Yeah. You're given all the drugs, I mean. They're blitzed out of their fucking minds. Yeah. She picks up a toad and starts to lick it.
Starting point is 01:49:15 Oh, this has been a we had not. Yeah. I think they all like pair up or like sometimes there's a number. Maybe more than a couple. You seem awfully curious about this particular facet of the meeting habits. Just likes to learn about other cultures. Hmm.
Starting point is 01:49:35 That's all. Well, I think we accomplished good today. We managed a free morgo. Well, we woke up. Mm-hmm. Then we ended up and then Gregorne to turn into a mud method. That was today, wasn't it? That was today.
Starting point is 01:49:53 Oh, yeah, Frosty fell down there. Oh, we're gonna drown. We met the mudmouthed the king. Oh, damn. And then we found television. I turned on today. We fought, we fought, uh, uh, a, uh, Ragnarust. Yeah, we, well, we killed all those rabbits and committed war crimes.
Starting point is 01:50:13 Oh, allegedly, oh, allegedly. Wait, did Toolmaker, do you attack us last night? Yeah. That's what exactly. It's been a very long day. Guys, perfect mental law. Okay, no, I wasn't castigating you.
Starting point is 01:50:34 Wow, we really formed the deep bonds of a familial friendship in like 10 hours. It's in the Faywild. Literally, only a day has happened here, and months have gone by in the real world. Somehow, sloppy gloppy returned. having this conversation. You have not been paying attention to the room around you,
Starting point is 01:50:57 but it is nearly completely emptied of all of the members of the soggy corps. All but the person who stands in front of you now, the two people who stand in front of you now, Morgo, the current Knight of Warts, and King Gallup the 19th. Morgo looks out to you and she extends her hand to each one of you to shake it. Thank you so much for what you've been. done, Clint Gullop explained about the play, the opera that you put on for me, to save me.
Starting point is 01:51:32 Yeah, that was Griggles' idea. It was brilliant. Do you hear about the problem? Do you hear about the whole thing? Do you want the music? And so much of it were grandiose lies. Well, I mean, I don't know if it was the lies. And for the heart of it...
Starting point is 01:51:46 I mean, I feel like it was mostly true. It was a true Knight's tale. And I was... have done all of those things, and I had the opportunity. So it's true from a certain point of view. Yes, it is true from a certain point of view. But I can't say thank you enough. You're very welcome.
Starting point is 01:52:08 We would gladly perform a chivalric romance play any time for you. You notice that King Gullop is like nodding off and falling asleep. Next to him, snoodle is also falling asleep on his lead. A few of the knights kind of hold him up a little bit, but he looks out to you and Thank you for what you've done for all this, yeah, especially me. Oh, sorry, it's been a long day. It feels like a month. Yeah, you feel like that's very much. We gave me quite a bit of favor here in the Soggy Court, and I can't thank you enough, so I had these made for you.
Starting point is 01:52:51 Well, he was the least that ribble, mud, butt, Pizzle, Whizzle, Glorbo, and Aloysius could have done. Yes, and he hands you a small wooden chest. And when you open it, inside of it, there are knights standard ribbons. They have a ribbon in green and yellow stripes, and then a large fly in a beautiful platinum metal. that says Honorable of the King. Oh. All right.
Starting point is 01:53:30 This is not the song I would like to play. It's something about Valhalla. I'll cherish this forever. I cannot thank you enough. This will suffice to get you whatever you need while you stay in Downfall. And though my next few days are quite busy and I won't be able to be.
Starting point is 01:53:57 We see you often. I hope that you will enjoy your time here. Should anyone give you trouble, should you run to any ruffians? I hope that you will show them this so that they know that you are a friend of the king. Are you sure you have enough protection this evening? Yes, I have my lovely knights. They will guide me. Including morgo. Including morgo.
Starting point is 01:54:22 She will be staying with me. She has been dubbed the grand knight of the king. I just wanted to make you. will be by my side at all times. There's a lot out there that could be dangerous to you. There's potential rebels. Yes. Dyer, her and hydras.
Starting point is 01:54:39 What? A, uh, Beasel. The nightmares continue. Oh, we shouldn't manage. There are probably, like, animated Beasel monsters in the nursery, but I mean, maybe that's been taking care of all right. No way you can resolve that now. That's a place of destroy.
Starting point is 01:54:58 I will have someone look into it, but for now, Snoodle and I must go get to night's rest. My poor little boy, and he reaches down and scratches behind Snoodle's eyeballs, um, because you know, got the eyeballs on the head. He scratched behind his eyeballs. No. That's not like. My little man, he is very tired. So we must away to our room.
Starting point is 01:55:31 But I do hope that, come the morrow, that you will investigate these usurpants. Mm-hmm. Dot my kingdom. There are more riches and honors to be one. Should you help me? Well, we have a lead, is what I'll say. That is good to hear.
Starting point is 01:55:53 And should you need anything, you know where to find me, the doors of the soggy castle are always open to the friends of the king. And I do implore you to stay the night. Um, made back to the room that was outfitted for you, and we'll make sure that it is more than comfortable for you this evening to get a solid night's rest. Uh, uh, no pun intended.
Starting point is 01:56:18 That's pretty good. Where's snoodle? Let us go. Lead the way. And you see his snoodle gets up onto his legs. He looks tired. He opens his little mouth and yawns. And then he sees.
Starting point is 01:56:39 slowly turns and scamper's away as the king is kind of pulled along. I can stop snooos, pooling me. King, one last thing. Do you have any 40s? He keeps going. I'll have my tax policy ready for you in the morning. What's 40s? Why do you have 40s? Forties what?
Starting point is 01:57:03 Yes, grim. The Grigo, Corp. What do you say? Just spit it out, man. We gotta figure it out. We gotta figure it out. We gotta figure it. I'm not sure what you're trying to say to the king,
Starting point is 01:57:15 but I really must go. I need to protect him this evening. There are still many about that would do him harm. I would imagine that tonight is probably his most dangerous night. And I promise I will tell no one what happened to those guards. That would be appreciated. Yeah. By him.
Starting point is 01:57:36 And the vendors. Oh, yeah, it's a mess over that. Anyone else that was in the swamp was not our responsibility. When they came to collect me, I did a bit of investigation myself, and I'm not quite sure what happened exactly. It was a bit of a nightmare. It looked to be so. Regardless, I will take care of it.
Starting point is 01:58:01 You please stay safe, yes? That's what we do best. And if you see Wiggle Walk, will you let him know that I'm here? in that oh yeah absolutely yeah don't say another word about it just we got it
Starting point is 01:58:17 okay oh yes yes yes yes you should go and say yes I'm here your dear
Starting point is 01:58:25 friend and I'm missing greatly and you know just keep it out of the king all right like we went through all this fucking this whole afternoon
Starting point is 01:58:35 of effort make sure he stays alive and obviously you're freedom but you know I think I think this king's got his head on his shoulders and let's keep him around if he can he's about to disappear down the whole way it should go oh yeah and she shakes all of your hands it was lovely to meet you on nightliness and she scampers away you were left alone in the dining hall but there is a bullet-wagnight that is ready to escort you to your room shouldn't you decide to retire for the evening
Starting point is 01:59:08 propose that we head back oh it's light down it's been a long fucking day kick the feet up for a bit this empty venue with all these streamers around makes me want to sing a Billy Joel song but you mean a bully Joel
Starting point is 01:59:22 a bully Joel uh yes let's head back I mean I I mean Uncle Glover taught me a finger too or how to you know to stroke the keys a little bit you know
Starting point is 01:59:37 I mean I know nothing of unless you have one of those potions on you. Ah, I drink mine. Oh, no, I didn't drink mine. I never got one. No, I took three. Because I wanted to sound like a witch, and I fell off for saying too nicely,
Starting point is 01:59:50 and I went, oh, she's the greatest character. And I'm like, no! It's fucking scapefarin. It is with you are making your way to the room. You're good, and Blotting. And, uh, just... Deception. We need to find a way to break the news, to morgo about what's actually happened,
Starting point is 02:00:18 or I'm just going to tell her. Why would we need to be coming up with a scheme for that? You propose that we just tell her then? I mean, at the end of the day, it's not like we did it. We just have to explain why we didn't tell her until now. Well, we didn't really check to see if he was dead or alive, you know what I mean? Just kicked him off the tower. No, he was dead. Well, I mean, that's... He were flies on him, Kivian. What, were there?
Starting point is 02:00:51 I think. What's been very long? The varied dragon told me he was dead. I just took his word for... Oh, the animal is chag. Yeah. Listen. I'm still alive.
Starting point is 02:01:04 Oh. We're just mostly dead. Oh. Wait a minute. You think back to that day, you remember that... You remember that... That the snakes themselves were venomous and that it's possible that they had a poison that could cause someone to seize up and appear dead. You mean to tell Torbeck that Wigglewag is dead this whole time?
Starting point is 02:01:41 No, not the whole time, man. He might have been alive when we got to him. I have to do our backers with it. Oh, you can probably still meet them. You can definitely still meet them. You just can't have a conversation. It's been a certain point of you. Amazing point out of
Starting point is 02:02:04 that's funny. Holy shit. That's really funny. Holy fucking. It's good one day. Yeah. Well, I could go for a crunch wrap to frame. You get me too.
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