Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 34 | A Change of Heart

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

The Krew gets a visit from a powerful new "friend" who offers them a deal...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/Dq_C6QpIbwI?si=FcYozR0_a0cj0zWv

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. Torbeck's name is Torback, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Do it first. Don't tempt me. I'm not going to, don't tempt me, twig, I will. You've left me no choice. You're now a vampire, yes?

I drank your blood and I'm a vampire. Well, it's a secret. I don't thirst for blood. I want muffin. Perhaps you're just a carb of vampire. My favorite part about the Beaselbert breakfast is when it tries to run. You could easily leave the palace of the soggy court and make your way to the docks outside, thus procuring a boat that would take you across the narrow waterway to the opposite side of downfall.

The sake court is very pleased for the first time ever with the king of the soggy court. You hear the rustling of leaves and the giggling of feminine voices. playing in the water. They're gonna' up. They are rubbing the oil on each other, and they look towards you, and they start beckoning you. Come, help us.

I need your role for initiative. Oh, I'm gonna eat the feet wild. I see Gideon lying lifeless. And as soon as I get within 10 feet, because I don't have to get that close. I wave with the minute and down to slip. And you are no longer dying.

An eruption of flame spews up from the base of this tree as you hear a loud guttural groan. You have smoteed this tree directly in the very center of the split tree, a barnow, its wings flapping this way and that. Its head spins almost 360 as it turns to look at all of you, and then you begin to see its shape move and shift. Last time, on Once Upon a Witchlight, you found yourselves waking. up after a very, very, very, very, very long day. Fully rested, dreamless sleep, and you were ready to start out on your next big adventure as you left the palace of the soggy court. You didn't get very far as... Jaguar!

Jaguar! What's the point I wish life? You didn't get there. 50 feet shit we're gonna just throw them you made yourself laugh it

I didn't know I'm like I'm doing the recap I'm like do the thing I can do one I take so 30 steps Episode 143 You're still in the soggy court Oh

What did we name The episode? It was pretty good Yeah what did you name it Oh is it? wasn't sound on YouTube yet but I think he needed up the wrong tree Oh yeah

Yeah Anyway You enjoyed your breakfast You enjoyed your breakfast Made your way down to the docks Secured a paddleboat And Made your way across the river to the other side

The part of downfall that none of you had ever seen before I have music And to the first And to the person that asked, yes, this is Adrian von Ziegler. Yeah, they twitched them. Vonn Ziegler? Someone twitched if this was Adrian von Ziegler.

Oh, yeah. Someone asked in chat. They said that they listened to Adrian von Ziegler, and they were wondering if that's what I play for, which life. Oh. Von Ziegler. Yes, it is.

Von Ziegler. Wow. You made your way to the opposite side of the bank and to the part of the soggy court to the part of downfall that you had yet to explore. And it was here that you were met with choice. To go left or to go right. One way was through a giant mushroom forest

where the sounds of solemn music played and echoed out. The other path was one of temptation, the sounds of giggling and fun. And what? I just was thinking about that last episode. It was funny. I was just saying, no, something from work around. I don't know.

It's funny. It's funny that the recap is going to take, we're going to get more done in the recap than you guys did in the session. You made your way, you had your choice. And while some of you debated the choice and strategized, Gideon succumbed

to his inquisitive nature. I didn't use the word succumb, okay? Well, that's succumb of my favorite herb. It's okay, Gideon, that's just loo. Well, the Latin holes are all in my face. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What is the energy?

I would normally be able. You weren't the one that picked morning wood. Oh, peace. No. Sucumns a funny word. Gideon succumbed to his inquisitive nature. He succumbed. We're children.

We are immature beasts. If they don't expect that now. Gideon gave in to his inquisitive nature and made his way towards the laughter, where he met what appeared to be beautiful fay creatures enticing him to come join them. But upon reaching them and placing his hands on their shoulders, He came to realize that they were but illusions,

created by pixies that were clearly of the unsealing sort. A scuffle broke out, and the party came to his rescue to eventually throw down with a tree entity and these pixies. They were successful, but it was not, oh, it sounds called Treeborn, that's fun. They were successful, but it was not without, taking quite a bit of damage. And as the party is here on the banks of the opposite side of downfall, that they look up and see they first hear the flapping of wings. And as the party looks up, I'm going to change the song.

As the party looks up, they see a white barn owl as it flaps its wings. and slowly descends almost preternaturally with every flap of the wings, you notice that the sky gets darker and darker and darker. Where you had been standing on this bank in the morning light in your second day of downfall, you now find yourself in a star-filled night. And as the owl begins to descend, you see a soft magic swirl around this creature.

Its heart-shaped face looks between each of you. Not the way a wild beast or an animal would, but the way a humanoid would, the way a man would. And as its feet find purchase on the ground. in front of you. You begin to watch as this owl shifts and changes, as its wings flap one last time. You watch as this entity elongates into a man about six feet tall, long white hair draped down his back. His clothing is well-tailored and sharp. Black trousers, cuffed boots, a black vest studded with a black vest studded with silver heart-shaped buttons, a bright red puff sleeve shirt with a ruffled cravat,

and a high-colored cloak that drapes down behind him and almost falls like gossamer wings against his back. Affixed to his face is a gilded silver barn owl mask that covers the entire top portion. But even with the covering, looking at him, whether it be his fay-like nature or something else, it is hard to take your eyes away from this man as his beauty is almost helpful. His deep emerald eyes as you stare into them, it's almost as if you can see into the heart of the most beautiful verdant forest you've ever seen. His skin, unmarked by flaw, and his hair moving almost unnaturally with every shift of his body calculated. And he steps forward. And there is no sound, almost as if he walks on the wind. He looks between all of you.

Welcome to Marown. Welcome to Prismere. I am the king of hearts. And he bows before you. Just slightly, not enough to show any form of submission, still keeping his eyes firmly locked on you, to show some sort of positive intent. You see the cloak whip around, and you see that there is a beautiful checkerboard patch on the back that's shaped like a heart in reds and whites, gilded with small jewels.

And you notice the way his hair moves, and you see that there are beautiful strands of silver chain dotted with shining gemstones of opalescent colors. They sparkle in the starlight as he looks around at all of you. I've been watching you for a while, and I've come to ask a favor. I glanced very quickly at Torbeck and like, he seems to immediately see you glance at Torbeck.

Have no fear. Your friend is not in any harm here. Not by me, at least. I've kept my eyes on him. He seems to be doing well, don't you think? Well, if you've seen everything, what I do? You probably know who I am. Yes, Cremé la Crue.

Your Highness, is that what you prefer? Your kingship, your... Your Grace. Grace, Leach. Your Majesty will do. Your Majesty? You see a slight smile, curl up on the left side of his lips. Well,

I guess I wouldn't waste any time introducing us, but what kind of favor are you looking for? It would not go unpaid. I've watched what you've done here in Prismere, in my domain, and I think you are the right

men for the job. I've been cursed by a witch. Yes Oh you Zibylna? This is a very strange misunderstanding We've been looking for you for a couple days It feels like Keep your voice down

Okay, sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm nervous I'm just surprised at how attractive you are I am not Zabilna I am the king of hearts It is Zabilna I seek She is my one true love, my queen, or so she should have been, before she was locked away in our castle, the palace of heart's desire. But the curse that this witch brought down upon me, the mother of the three hags that have taken up residence in my domain, prevents me from mentoring my castle.

And it is Because of this That I request your aid You see as he moves his hand To the pocket on the left side of his best And he begins to He begins to play with the chain A long silver chain

Also dangling with these beautiful Prelessent gems That sparkle in the starlight And he begins He pulls out this piece of jewelry It appears to be a pocket watch And he plays with it in his hand flipping it between all of his fingers,

cupping it in his hand, just playing with it idly as he speaks to you. Does that make you homeless like Torbay? He looks towards you for a minute, and he, you see, roll a perception check. Uh-oh. Oh, six.

You notice nothing That's about right As he looks towards you And he looks you up and down I have a home Prismere is my home this land belongs to me

Though I cannot step foot in the castle This land knows who it belongs To and who rules over it But I will not be happy Until I'm reunited with my love I can do nothing to thee. He looks up towards the sky and his eyes

linger on the cottage that you see floating above downfall. The daughters of the witch. But you can. I offer you your heart's desire. If you help me with this task,

information to help you, of course. Not just that. I don't give you a gift free of charge, you do not have to follow through with this deal. Just something to show you that you can trust me. And he reaches into his other pocket and he pulls out three red chess pieces. Or sorry, five red chess pieces. Five red chess pieces.

Not for you, you would not be able to. That's all my answer, sir. He set for all as you in this. I guess, for fun? I'll see it out. Boop, pooh, pooh, pooh. He pulls out five red chess pieces, and they are all ponds, beautifully carved,

and atop them is the shape of a heart. One for each of you, as you spend time with them, you will come to learn of them and what they can do, but to start, you will have to have communication with each other as long as you need. Nice. For all intents and purposes, they function as rocky-talkies. Nice.

Now, I can also equip you with information about each of the three hags and the different splintered areas of Prismere to assist you in your goals, as I believe they align with mine. You're headed to the Palace of Hearts Desire, are you not? To free Zabilna? Well, I mean, that's sort of the idea. We've gathered that she's probably there and that these hags are up to no good, but we haven't really figured out how to, you know,

get there, A, B, you know, is she like slumbering or something? Like she's, is she imprisoned by a monster? Do you know the name of the Coven that lords over this land now, that has stolen my reign from me. The hallow glass coven. It's the hourglass coven, man.

I said it to us like multiple times. Don't embarrass us in front of the really handsome guy. There's an H. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, your Magistee. So now that works, Bill, Rico. I'm just nervous because we only signed up to deal with

free witches and there's someone who's more powerful than them who then also curse you and Zabilna? Or did they curse Zabirna and there's somebody else? A world will be revealed in time. And that is the point. The hourglass coven deals in time. Each hag has her own speciality past present future, three. that number is very important he turns to look to frost but you would know that wouldn't you

and an eight when looking at an eight what do you see what item do you see oh oh oh oh oh oh oh two coconuts stacked on top of each he um he raises his arm and he has silence on you

to go out two cococa You cast hold person Uh, Brasda, I look at an eight and I see Take your time, get back to me when it comes to you I can help you learn a bit about these hags Information that can get you an audience With the ones you have yet to acquire gain an upper hand

and eventually get you the information you need to accomplish your task. There is a time limit. He flips open his pocket watch and he begins to spin the hand of the pocket watch around and you begin to notice that it's not showing

the normal passing of time but is showing in days as he moves the hand 13 times. You've 13 days to accomplish this task. for all will be lost, including you, including Prismere. There will be no going back. You want to return home to your carnival or crew.

Hey, Mr. Guru, I will pay your fee. I will wipe your debt clean. You will have a one-way ticket home. If you meet me at the gates of the Palace of Hearts Desire in 13 days, with a trinket from each of the hags. If we have a deal, I will give you the additional information that you need to accomplish this task.

Well, otherwise, I'll let you wander around Prismere until your time runs out. No, no, no, no, no. Let's not jump to conclusions here. I mean, I'm open to negotiation, if you don't mind. You seem like a reasonable king. He places his hand on his hand,

on his hip and he smirks at you very not hiding how certainty is that you don't have a hand to play. Oh, wait a minute.

Speaking of trinkets, Torbeck would like to reciprocate. And I go into my filthy sack and I pull out a wooden apple that I took after a viciously murdering egg. Here, for the part. One piece. It's so beautiful and all door back has this crappy apple. He looks at it for a moment and then he begins to step forward. Once again, he is, it's almost soundless the way that he moves.

The wind picks up for a moment almost as if beckoned by him as it as it sways the gossamer cape behind him. it almost billows out like wings. He stands before you. He is tall, not as tall as you are, but that doesn't matter. The way that he looks at you, you feel almost like you are shrinking down as he towers over you and just sheer presence alone. As he reaches out with one black gloved hand and takes the apple from you, he looks at it, rolls it onto the top of his hand. kind gesture

Torbeck Torbeck doesn't have much but Torbeck tries to follow the rules and also cherishes what little he has He He reaches down

And he puts one gloved finger Above your chin And tilts your chin up And starts to angle your face One way or another Almost examining you Yes Your king is grateful

for this all fray. I, I reach into my pack. Grico cannot breathe. Grico is slowly sick. He can't get in a chest if Brickle can breathe.

He can breathe. He's just killed. Skin turns blue. Thank you for reminding me of the rules of Prismere. Chess piece for a chess piece. I have a dancing Seder chess piece. I can exchange. He holds

his hand up, I need no more offerings. This gift is simply that, a gift. I do not require your agreement to help me in my fight against these witches. This is simply a gesture of goodwill. Now, should you agree to assist me, I will give you the information that you need to move forward. Just a couple questions. I disagree, man. I mean, this guy's so handsome. I do stuff for him just if he wasn't even giving us anything. That's very kind of you, Giddy.

Oh, God, he heard me. I'm nervous now, I'm a blushing. You don't need to blush. Though it does look quite fetching on you. He's sexy fucking ears. He can probably hear anything, dude. I'm getting lost in his eyes, man. I don't agree.

Does he have like the Warcraft High Elf ears? He does have fucking. And the, the, um, the silver chains that stretch from the mask and go around the back of his hair and then his hair reaches just above his butt. You see the silver chains and the gemstones laden with them going down the hair, but you also notice that they're also all along the rim of his ears, and they hang down in loops with these beautiful studs. He's very bejeweled and very beautiful. Well, first, I should say, has anyone told you how handsome you are, I mean, to the point where for the first time of my life, I feel a little self-conscious about my appearance.

You have no one. Well, just a couple questions before we agree. And I mean, this is a very generous offer. I don't mean to, you know, the signing bonus and, you know, our heart's desire. But my first question is, is our hearts desire truly what our heart desires? And meaning, could I choose something maybe other than paying back? Mr. Gru. Paying back

your debt is a group reward. Your individual reward will be something you cannot

choose but something your heart will decide for you. All right, that seems fair. There will be a moment to make this choice.

You have 13 days to really sink. Good. To really sink and to feel what it is that you want most in this world.

May I release him? Can he keep himself under control? What do you think, Grego? He can't really move, can't it? He drops the whole person, but not the silence. You learn to shut the fuck up unless you have a legitimate question? He's going to have several legitimate...

He can't have a whole person. Man. No, I think he'll be fine. I think he'll be fine if you just let him go if you don't mind Grammy is vouching for you Grego and be nice We just want this to be a unanimous decision You know it's a lot to get in bed with someone like you

And you know I mean not that we presume I mean I mean that's hard I mean I think we would But it's not You know it doesn't have to be He slowly steps up to you Oh God And he puts one of his arms around you

And he looks, he looks towards, he looks towards Grico. This is your friend. Yeah. And you would wish for me to release him from these spells? Your heart is racing, Gideon Cole. That's unrelated to the situation at hand, but yeah, I think that he would do, well, you know, he's not going to behave, but he's going to be Gricko. And I think that that's what we need in this situation. I don't know.

I think you drop it. All right, then, as you wish, and he will drop the spells on Grigo. He squeezes your shoulder with one quick squeeze as he steps away and stands before all of you again. Torbank has never wanted to be giddy and more than right now. Well, I was going to say, I'll have some legitimate questions. and I mean don't get me wrong I appreciate your razzle-dazzle

Mr. King I mean Mr. of hearts but I feel like we need to before we go into such a partnership I'll feel like there are some legitimate questions we should ask and they might be

tough questions because it's the art of you know the art of negotiations Let's not push our fucking love, Grico. But I feel like we did someone answer questions because I remember a lot of this moustachio dwarfman with a mushroom. And also, if there's a really powerful wits, what hope do we have if we're afraid of this one of them? Just let us know if a prime,

but feelfully not to answer. How does that say? He looks to you and he actually lets out a laugh as if I would ever feel pressured to answer anyone's questions. You're right. I mean, and so, like, everyone seems to be quite charmed by you. And I mean, I think I get it. I think I get it. You know, I think I get it.

I actually used to, I was in a band with a fellow like you, and you actually remind me of him quite a lot. He played left-hand guitar with me mates weird and gilly. He really took a... Anyway, it's a long story. I'll tell you guys afterwards. But the question that I have is, I'm trying to word this and a word that's not going to give me old snap up again.

I just want to, you know, if this is your kingdom and domain, why is it that these nasty hags have made it their domain instead? Because they've chosen to take it for themselves. Why can you not stop them? Did I not answer that already? Well, I think what Griggo's implying is, you know, I mean, we're pretty strong, but you, all the things considered,

seem like you'd probably be stronger than all five of us put together times ten. If we were to all get into a rink, oil up our bodies, and fight in hand-to-hand combat, I could take on all five of you single-handedly. I've no doubt. That's exactly right. Why do we have to oil us? It's key.

Shut up, all right. Torbeck, I'll put it this way. Gideon's the most handsome man Torbeck has ever seen, and you make Gideon look like Torbeck. Damn,

it's controversial, but true. He turns, he turns and looks at you. Oh, finish it. I like you. Oh, thanks. Hmm.

interesting turn of events he continues to look back between all of you the witch that cursed me makes it impossible for me to get anywhere near her daughters so basically this big head

my castle I can meet you at the gates which I cannot enter not unless you bring me that which I ask within the 13 day time I could get anywhere near these hags. Have you no doubt they would have no chance against me. I would not need you for this game.

But magic, as it is, prevents me this one small thing. I know just how powerful hexes can be, and it sounds like this big bad hag and her three dollars basically locked you out of your castle. But we can definitely do that. And I think that in your terms of extremely generous, and I do just want to get a sense of, you know, what your thoughts are about our good friend Tobach here.

Is he just free to come alone? Just, you know. Why wouldn't he be? I don't know. I mean, I don't want to practice. Because we had dreams where you were like, oh, he's gone. and I did horrible... No, no offense.

I did horrible things to me make talk back. I'm kind of a bad dude. And I'm going to yell at this guy who's Mastasioed Wolfman. Do you... You saw me in your dreams, my face? We're assuming it's the same guy. Oh, did I...

Well, did I... Well, there's a connecting friend of an owl. I am making several presumptuous... deducians do you speak common sylvan sylvan common or sylvan yes

i speak common quite very nice would you mind speaking common i feel like i'm doing that quite presently i'm just saying i don't like i'm just trying to say if toolback

a lot of bad stuff happened at all back and it was quite nasty and we don't appreciate it and if you're like I did all this nasty stuff to talk back so you're accusing me of harming someone I just claimed to like quite a lot upon first meeting because you had a dream in a land of fairies and fay where magic is heightened and nothing is ever as it seems. Hmm. You dare Oh no.

To claim I would do such a thing and then stand before you and offer these terms ignoring something of such grandeur and magnitude. He steps towards you. He steps towards you and looks down

at you and you see this beauty, this radiant figure, but there is there is now a danger that you can feel emanating from him. Though he does not threaten you, though he does not sneer or turn to rage or anger, you can feel that this is a very dangerous situation

you're getting yourself into. The lighting changes in you would have a queen. That's what I don't know. Exactly. Rico's neck drops into his shoulders, and his shoulders drop into his, he's like, torso, and he's like, I'm shrinking up, like, a dilt turtle. I'll step forward to also, like, reinforce that I'm an ally of Griko,

but also to, like, sort of like, onbound Grico in, in life. So, are you claiming that what you saw in dreams is reality? Would any of you do, have I picked the wrong champions? That you are so insorcelled by whim and magic and imagination that you cannot see fact from fiction. No, no, no, no, no, no. Again, you can lock them up if you want to again. That's totally fine. Just put them back how it was, if you don't mind.

No, he asks good questions, but I fear. his ability to perceive reality. You have to forgive him your handsomeness. He majored in clowning and goblin college. He doesn't know what he's saying. It was actually political science, but you repeat yourself. That's fucking good. I'm sorry, I'm sorry you, Magistee.

I just back in my school, the sartations were just, I dreamed about it, Eleanor. He raises his hand and is clearly not interested in your Goblin College. Now, did you have any other pertinent questions? My time is very important, and I've already been here too long. I just have to apologize for my employee. No apologies necessary. Let's continue with the business. Our minds haven't been our own. There's like clouds of drugs in the air or something. We go cuckoo bananas sometimes.

Normally we're fine with that. And yet, you still trust dreams. No, I didn't. He did. I never trusted it. Nope. I never, no, no, not once. Oh, does this mean that Torbeck might not be being haunted? I mean, who knows what happened to you, Torbeck?

We don't know. We don't know shit. That was just kind of a sheriff. dream, I mean, I guess who the hell knows anything at all? I just know you must trust me dreams all the time. There's always meaning in the dreams. You're proving his point. Separating fact from fiction is important.

Well, actually, not that you had anything to do with it, but you're kind of in the know and powerful and extremely handsome. Do you know anything about the origins and what happened to our friend here? Not that you had anything to do with it. It's just sometimes, you know, it goes a little... Um, you know, like if we're going on a magical quest for you, we just want to make sure it doesn't kill us all. If you could shed any light on it. He steps to you insanely quickly.

And is, before you even have a chance to blink is behind you, and his hand is on one of the canisters of witchlight. Very strange contraption. This does not look to be the make of anyone in Prismere. This is as much. deeper into the Faye Wild. Hmm. Twilight Court, maybe. Yes.

I believe I might know the maker of this object. 13 days. I will see if I can get you the name of the doctor that has done this to you. May I ask? A doctor?

What is the significance of the barn owl in this place or to the Faye Wild? To me. Help me separate facts from fiction. The barn owl is my familiar. It's just the animal that my soul finds its link.

Creatures of the night of darkness as the bilna is to the day. I am the moon and she is the sun. Well, we're going to do the best we can. And 13 days, that's plenty of time. Often it generates. So you agree? Maybe that's fair to say. Torbegagree.

Do you mind if we'd just have a quick discussion? I don't hear every word you say. That's fine, I mean, with those ears, you certainly could. What do you think, fellas? I think this is quite quite a generous offer, and we'd be happy to help, because that's the whole reason we're here, right? Yeah, I mean, Tormeck doesn't really have anywhere to be, and quite frankly, Torbeck is happy to learn that these dreams are probably not real.

Torbeck can finally eat for the first time in days when all of that weight is lifted off Torbeck's shoulders. I just understand why you guys are all beguiled by this guy. What? Why are you all beguiled? Beguiled. What? Beguile.

That's not I was about about it all. If you only learn words by reading them? I don't call a, color, color, B. First of all, I just don't, I don't get, I don't get it. I knew the man that I was in the bandwidth. He had the same kind of ego. we followed, oh, it was a tough thing, and his ego got a control, and everyone agreed to everything he said, because he was so hasten, yeah, okay, whatever. And then we broke up the band.

What do I believe the consequences of running out of time, 13 days is? You don't really know. The moon crashes into the- No, he basically said that if you don't arrive in 13 days, if you don't arrive in 13 days, whatever their plan is will come into effect and you will never get out of Prismar. Oh, well, we'll be trapped here forever, perhaps, if we fail, but there's no way of knowing if what he asks is doable. We could never find one of the hags and never be able to procure a drinket. Well, I mean, is what we came here for originally anyway. I mean, we got to get the hag.

We were trying to locate Zabilna, who's in this tower, and, I mean, if we got to kill the witch mom and, you know, I don't know, trying to get cursed by her, and we got to get tokens of each one just to get in, it sounds like we were kind of, gotta do this anyway. And he just wants to give us stuff for it. The deal's a pretty good deal. I mean, Tormex's deepest desire. And I think that regardless of whether he told us and now, we probably have 13 days either way.

So it's not like if we just decide to not agree to this, that there's not some time limit where we're going to be stuck here one way or another. It does seem to be aligned with our existing quest and reinforces him. Here's the thing. sounds like he needs us to help him out,

which means he'll be a very beneficial associate to have while we're here. What do you think? We haven't been the most productive while we've been here and getting some help in our corner could probably fucking do a lot for him. Oh, and trust Torbeck. 13 days can go by like that.

Torbeck once ate a rubber hose thinking that it was licorice and passed out for almost two full weeks. It's a miracle that, Torback's even here right now. What's the, is that still in you? I'm sure there's a joke to he got him. There's no way you pass that,

that's really, man. Dormack thinks Gideon might be right. We're gonna have to get that out. I think it's kind of cool, though. Hogey, get away, get an offense. Get away from the, come on, Hoosie. She's like, she's like a fan girl in front of, like, you know, K-pop style.

like, you know, about boy, there. No, come, even you, come on, get, no offense, get over,

get over, get over, get, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, everyone's, everyone's mind is in,

in some place else right now. What do we think? Yeah? I just, I want to say, okay, to play doubles advocate, I think,

there is a likelihood that let's say, let's say, if we can't rely on sort of I experience in the dream LMAO. And if it is a falsifodd ring, that perhaps they were sent by the evil witch. Okay.

I could maybe see it. Fair. Fair. What if we go around? Oh, we kill you, Bavlona. We kill you, scaven. We kill you, the other one who sounds kind of hot. And then suddenly,

the witch hag is like, You've killed all three of my daughters, and so you will pay. and it's like, uh, and she flies down on the brim, and she all turns us into Newton, kills us in this stoop. What if that happens?

If she's too powerful for this guy who seems very powerful, no offense, and too powerful is a Billner, who he heard was very powerful, no offense. What are we going to do with? Oh, please don't turn us into Newton eat us in a witch's brew, please. Sounds like she was in the picture

fucking either way. How does that affect it? She's still around. She's still caused all this. It's possible she just got to drop on them, you know? But she doesn't know we're coming. Maybe. Maybe she does, actually.

I'm telling you that hexes and curses like this, you know, all it takes is one is to be tricked once. It doesn't matter how powerful you are. Once you're cursed, you don't have a way to break it. I mean, we don't have that same curse. and that's why he needs us. It doesn't necessarily mean that we won't get tricked and get them saying the odds are good that we're going to be clever enough to avoid that,

but hopefully with his help, can. This is a lot. Oh, this is going to be, oh, dear. All right, 13 days, you said. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Dormack is in. You see that he's standing there, his legs crossed in front of him as he's leaning up against the tree, looking down at Twig,

who's staring up at him. Her eyes giant. They're completely silent as he just smiles at her while she is looking up at him in awe, saying nothing. Twink, do you know this person? No. You've never seen this person before. I know of this person. I've never seen him before. though. You know of this person. Oh yeah. Can we trust this person? Huh. He's more pretty. Yes, I'm surprised you can cross his legs.

Huh? Nothing. Close to you too. Fats, give us. You should. But you know of this person's reputation. Has the king of hearts.

And is it a good reputation? And... Hello, your majesty. And she curtsies. And he just smiles and he reaches down and he pats her little bonnet. King of hearts. He turns to look at you. Oh, God, Frost.

Looking at me. Is there a reason perhaps to do with your curse? Have you figured out what the eight means? I know what it means to me. If I could guess the object, would you be willing to share your name with us? I already have. It was king of hearts in case you forgot. What was the king of hearts?

The eight, perhaps here, perhaps to the crown signifies the hour glance. Everything may do. You are as smart as you claim to be, aren't you, morning frost? My association with it is also, perhaps one could argue, associated with, time also. Infinity. Yes. I am in.

And the little green one? He's in, too. Do you doubt me, Grico? No, takes his back, sees, Grico. From a certain point of view. I could say that I could potentially see how evil, scary, epic,

powerful witch is behind all this. I could buy it. Yeah, no, I mean, I don't doubt you at all, you know what it feels like to be separated from the one you love. I do. And what you would do to get her back. I do, and I have.

Then you understand why I would trust the five of you against all odds. Well, that is fair. I have never been in love. Enough, Torbeck. Yes. Are you in? Oh yeah, Torbark is definitely in. Go, I mean. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Your Magistine. Your Magistee. Poor good go. I'm sorry. Gidgy and Cole. Oh, I'm in. Yeah, I was in from the beginning. I don't even think we should have asked any follow-up questions.

Oh, even if you didn't give me this poem, I would have done it for you. I mean, I don't know what to say. Yeah. Point. Point. Point. He smiles at you. Really? This is good to know.

Well, I mean, you know, but I have it now, so you can't take it back. Cremant LeCrew? What my business associate is trying to say is that my partner and I notice you across the room and we like the five. You know what I say? You want it off of you. Oh, my opportunity to work. Is that the unicorn horn? The cane is an upside-down pineapple.

Bigging a pineapple. Dormac just noticed your insignia. Actually, what you say, is your majesty you got yourself a deal, and I'll reach my hand out. He moves to you swiftly and places his hand in yours, and you can feel the strength behind his grip, though your hand does not touch his skin, but the soft leather of his black glove

as he squeezes your hand and shakes. And though you know that most fay packs are made in voice alone, there is something about this, this archfay, this fairy king, being willing to accept your traditions in his land, and he shakes on it, and the deal is made. All of you feel a soft burst of magic erupt from the handshake as it encompasses all of you and you immediately feel some sort of connection.

The deal is palpable and immediately in the back of your mind you can hear the soft ticking of a clock. Oh, fuck. Oh. And that's just going to be true for the next 13 days. And while I still have his hand, I want to grab it if I can and be able to be And before you go, do you mind if I ask you just a real silly, selfish question? He's quickly able to slide his hand out of your grasp.

But he nods to you. This is going to sound stupid. It's a little embarrassing, but here's the thing. I really, really love unicorns, all right? Like a whole lot. They're my favorite. Are they even animals? I mean, they're my favorite thing, basically.

Creature is a good word. So my first question is, have you ever seen one? Yes. My second is we found this horn and we want to give it back to its right forona. It was forcefully removed from it. Your journey will lead you to yon. Creature you seek. It's by a pond, trapped by lightning, and fear.

It will not be easy. Should you find the time in the next 13 days? Maybe you would be capable of reuniting that horn with its owner. As I pull it out and he says that, I want to try to read his eyes and just get a sense of how he feels emotionally about that. Roll and... Inside a triple disadvantage. Oh.

That whole level, this is probably important. That's a hell of a roll there, Mr. Lucre. They should have asked for protection from Mr. Guru to sweeten it to you. I believe it is a 23. Big buddy. 23? I have to leave so. I'm confirming, but yeah, go ahead.

You stare up into his eyes. Maybe even attempt to see a little bit behind the mask just to get the full face of this king, as you find yourself so close to him. His flawless complexion is stunning. His lips are plump and luscious. The color of his eyes is hypnotizing. As you stare into them, you see that he seems to be telling you the truth.

And as he, as these words are hitting your ears, as he talks, about this glade and yawn, you begin to see the colors in his eyes change as the glade begins to appear deep within the depths of his eyes. You see the water encircling it, the lightning bolt rods that trap the unicorn and a hornless unicorn, crying softly in the very middle of this glade, unable to escape. For just a quick, brief moment you watch this scene play out, and then you're once again lost in the depths of those eyes. Thank you, Your Majesty. But he seems to be honest and genuine.

Well, it's mean, me, me. All right, fellas. It's the first step is getting the trinket from the first one here. The first step is for me to give you the information that you'll need. Oh, fuck, right. Because I will not be seeing you again until we meet upon the, until we meet at the gates of the Palace of Hearts Desire. So?

One question. Yes, I'm not running out. I just wanted to clarify, will any trinket do so long as it was previously owned by one of the witches? Would you like me to tell you what I need to tell you? I'm not, am I just, just have a head. Do you just save your questions for the end? You might answer it in the presentation. It's on a slide that's coming up.

Okay. I have a couple questions around. Let's see. Just write them down, write them down. No, you can advance the next. The King of Hearts, why does he wear the mask? If I pull that off, will you die? Do I need to silence you?

Why would someone shoot a man before throwing him off a plane? Those are them free. Oh, no. What's a plane? The plane of the Faye. You know, they're then thrown out. Also, are there any very large and very pretty minotile ladies who would be a great mother to Hootsie in the Faye world?

That you can introduce me to me. Do they have any twin sisters? Bavlona is the hag that she will meet first. You've already met her. We got dinner plans tonight. Tonight, yes. He looks up to the sky, looks down at his watch for a minute and smiles before he pockets it.

Pavlona is the hag of the present. Those that seek her out do so to resolve a nagging problem or anxiety. Problem of the here and now. From her, I require a trinket possessed by Lorna that represents her present magic. It will be up to you to find it and acquire it. Now, all of these hags have a downfall. Hers are whittishins. Use that information how you see fit.

She's got weak shins? Oh. What? You are so handsome, but you can't hold a candle to frost. for the shins, Gideon. That's what I have two. Is that not what that means? Sweet to shins.

You clearly know what the whittishins are. Do I know what Wittishins are? Does Frost know what Wittershins are? I don't know. If Derek doesn't know, then Frost doesn't know. You don't make him actually lift 300 pounds than I'll do it right now. I can give me the weight.

When that jokes on you, I can bedlift three and a point. Rule an intelligent check. Yes! In! Snake team! Witter shins is counterclockwise. Yes, we'll iterate the shins. All right, kick her in the shins, all right.

Shins. Wintershins. Okay. And the full sentence that King of Hart said was that all of the witches have a downfall. A downfall. And Bavornas is Wittershins. Use that as you will.

Next, you will meet with Scabbas and Nightshade. Scabaf. The hag of the past. Better known as Granny Nightshade, she offers her assistance to those who are haunted by regret. You will deliver me a trinket, possessed by Scavitha that represents a past magic. She is part toy.

She's a wind-up key, protruding from her back. The winding, whether fast or slow, will tell you what she's truly feeling. Granny Nightshade is a master of hiding her true intentions. And lastly, Endelin Mungrave. Better known is Creeping Lynn or Bitter End, people seek her out to learn about their futures. Deliver me a trinket possessed by Endelin that represents her future magic.

Her downfall is that she has seen her own death and it haunts her. So she's seen all faces, very much, and know her coming. You have 13 days to reach the castle. I will meet you at the gate. Until then. Welcome to Prismar. And with a quick turn, you immediately see as he snaps out of existence,

almost like a black hole for a second before it pops. And where it had been, there is now a beautiful white barn owl flaps its wings, one, two, three, and a lofts into the sky. Wait a minute. Doesn't that mean that the future's predetermined and we can't change anything about it? What happens if we weren't alive? Lady, God. You're going to be waiting there.

for 13 days or like if we do it in three then uh do we have to kill him or do we gave the train game i don't know why he hasn't asked these questions before the present days i clearly don't have any time after wait i know for a few minutes over and i have a hard stop i have another reaching but i must have named you uh oh torsback has ass control man you the future could be predetermined but you still would have made those choices even if you had free will. It's a paradox. You know, Durebeck, I feel like on a certain point of view,

everything is going to be okay because she knows she's going to die, and she's already seen us coming. So that means that we've already won. I feel a lot better about this. Wait, that's actually a really good point. Yeah. Tormec was worried he was going to be so stressed out.

He wouldn't be able to eat for another week. Look at Torbeck. He's skinning bones. We can't assume that we're going to be the ones to kill. Oh, yeah. What if we walk up and she's like, who are you guys? I ain't never seen you before day in any my visions. I'm like, oh, fuck.

Well, I guess we don't kill her. But then perhaps she'll die, like, sitting on the toilet or something. That's what she's scared of. Yeah, I've had a couple of rough goes in that department myself. It definitely kill you. Well, maybe what she sees in her visions isn't actually what fucking happens.

Maybe it's just, you know, maybe it's the same thing with the witchlight stuff. We'll have to speak to someone who's had their future read by Moonchade, and that will allow us to know if what she's told them

has come to pass or not perhaps. Oh, Moongraves. Scabitha Nightshade, Endelin Moongrave. I am sorry, my brain is a little mushy at this time. I mean, I don't know. That's what I said. In the Mugrave, I mean, God, she sounds kind of hot, right?

Mm. You're like, what if she's like, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. I'm surprised. I'm surprised, but a little frustrated that the King of Hearts wouldn't share a true name the way that

I'm sure he has one, that is beyond just King of Hearts. It's possible that this is all the trap, or ruse that he may have an evil intent. And asking us to do his bidding like pawns that he could probably hear us through right now. Whether or not that's true, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And at this point, he's going to be a pretty good fucking friend. He has the same goal we do. Don't forget.

Mattie's told us that. Isn't that convenient? I'm just saying that we should keep focused on doing what's right for ourselves. themselves. Make sure that we can find and save Zabilna. I'm not saying we don't collect these trinkets, but we shouldn't go all in on the trust thing. We'd have to be cautious. Why is everyone so into Zibylna? Over. You don't have to say, chk, over.

What? Over. You can just speak into the bond. Oh. I mean, if she's half as hot as he was, I mean, I wouldn't blame anybody. Nah, Torbeck is pretty confident that that guy could lead a horse to water and make it drink I don't see you know

is that what we're saying about the god and I was in a band I'm really the leader with this band I'm like no you're not staying you lane and it's like

oh we need with drama and ego it's awful I don't get it I mean just because this fucking guy that plays

left hand and guitar turned out that way doesn't mean this guy will I don't really get what you're saying man

he's saying you didn't find this guy handsome or this guy I can see it I can appreciate I mean he is a handsome

we've seen I have plenty of elves and fay folk, and there's plenty handsome and beguiling, certainly. But it's like, I just, you know, it's like, it's okay, it's okay. It's like how you can appreciate it objectively from a certain point of view. He was more terrifying to me than like, ho-ho, you know what I mean? It was, I mean, all I'm saying is he was, he was, he was, he was, uh, I felt, I felt just, kind of hell, I don't know. I don't even know how to describe it. It felt like supernatural. Charred? Yeah, I mean, I almost charmed, but I still like I was almost just in my own senses, and I just liked it.

You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you're saying. No, I don't know what you're saying, got me? I felt totally. Cootsie get earmuffs. Turn around and earmuffs. Oh no, you're drawing fan out of him already. Give me your pillow pencils. Get me your teeth. Twigs down there with her. Pansy, Dway, Dwynda Kuh, Oh! You look so happy.

Oh! She's starting to write Bishie slash fiction about. Something, something, pasta is all so straight until it gets wet. You know, I was warned

about this phase, but you're about that age, I guess. Well... Well... Thirteen days is plenty of I think, honestly. It'll be 2027

by the time. Well, you know, when I am out of a game. Well, you know, I know, I'm out voted.

But you know what? He seems like a powerful ally. And frankly, I feel like if he can protect us against Mr. Guru, then we can maybe even just not give him any money because he's a guy who's not so nice

and threatened us with eating our eyeballs what was he threatening with, eating our souls. If he had attacked us from Mr. Guru then perhaps oh, was Tobaccoeck in the contract? Can you check? He probably is now.

Can you check? The contract just something like all, like all your friends. I want to, I want to confirm that Torbay has never... I want Torbett, I want us to be able to confirm that Torbuk has nothing to worry about, about Mr. Guru and his tremendous power.

That's a fair point. Oh. I mean, if the contract mentions friends, then it might be official. I like... Oh, please. I don't believe. Go to the test pockets that I have. Please mention Torback.

Please mention Torback. And I pull out this long. Sort of rolled up Scroll Boom, boom You and scroll And two faces Boom

And I checked to see if Torbeck's name Has been added to it If you remember There were no Specific names that were added to it But it was the All the Associates of the Witchlight Carnival Which would include Torbec

Oh, Associates employees of the wish like oh geez I'm sorry I'm sorry yeah yeah kind of all the crew

all the fuck are you thinking oh is that wait does that mean I mean so silver line here if we all horribly die and get our souls ripped to

the shadow realm yes yeah does that mean that rental the soul also gets ripped to the shadow realm too a little bit of silver line you mean Colin

Ah, fuck! I was like, who the fuck is Reynolds? I guess, yeah. His name really wasn't Reynolds? No, it was Collum. Yeah, that is a silver lock, but then poor Jumbo, too. Oh, no Jumbo?

And Jumbo deserves the world. And Chuckles. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. And Chuckles. Chuggles got already in hell. Oh, wait, who does that Super C? Can you see you, Guru, Super C, whatever the fuck?

gotten himself into. I don't think so. Chuckle's got a tease. It's kind of like the same top of a little bit of her strange. He's dipped into, he's dipped his quill into that same ink that you have. Yeah, I mean, whatever it is, I don't think Guru has any claim to his soul anymore. Ding, ding, up for the next fight, Guru versus Chuckle. One night on.

Oh, yeah, pay the view. Anyways, look, we're all on the fucking hook, all right? I don't have, I'm not concerned about this anymore. I think we're going to, oh, that is easily the smoothiest piece of paper that that has ever seen. That's why I feel like so concerned. Well, at least it does work. He did what he say.

And off, it's a very nice gift that he gave us. I will say that the craftsmanship on this red pond is very... And obviously, because this pond is so well-made and crafted, it goes to show what he thinks of us, very highly. So... I mean, I don't know what kind of magic song is. He might be able to listen to every word we fucking say. Meep.

But to your early point, Frost, like five minutes ago, I agree that, I mean, we can't necessarily. really trust what we see, what we hear, what we witness, what we experience. There's no way to confirm what's real and what's not. In the Faywild, that's just how it is, right? But I do think we're seeing something, January. When I pulled out the hormone and asked them about it, I could see the same fucking thing I saw in that vision in his eyes.

I don't think that's a coincidence. I need to remind everyone of another vision. Which one of you is the most perceptive? Passive perceptive. It's probably very, yeah. He sees all, but he ignores it. I have very large years, I have very large years too. I'll have everyone now.

Torbeck, you weren't here for this. And I'm trying to remember all of the details. This was just before we arrived at Twiggs. in time. We experienced a vision of soldiers, giant men

wearing a insignia of barn owls. I would say that not necessarily barn owls but owls in general. Oh, okay. So it's possible that may have been related

even though the owl is not exactly the same as a barn owl. That was a violent violent scene. And who knows? if it's true enough. We never saw a copy of Bully Jones, did we?

You didn't. Oh, I did. You found one in the bathroom of the room you were staying in, yeah? It was right behind the toilet. What has Bolly Jocs have to? It's right here. It's right here.

Oh. Oh, God. It takes a little song Oh I've got it as a half My personal perception is 17 Thank you Okay

I am feeling less chuffed About Mr of hearts His majesty I was a little Cross about what I thought he did to tour back when I thought he did the hootie and all the stuff I kind of just was lumping it all together

and I just don't get big deal on me guys whatever he's made kind of handsome whatever whatever it's no reason to let it go to his head but I think that we don't really have other options and because everyone is so obsessed with Zabilna we may as well get whatever reward we can any of him, I'll touch this against Mr. Guru that sounds quite nice And also groblins. Because I guarantee you, if we get to the end game and we're against the big mother of witches, she's going to call upon the robblins I note. I find that unlikely, Gros.

And my heart will stop if that happens. I will not survive. Roblins aren't real, Rickles, they can't hurt you. That's how they gain power, but not believing in them. No, we saw them in the mind. It was just a drawn image, just dancing back and forth. You're making them all the more powerful. Let's stop talking about this.

This is like one of those thought viruses. What I'm saying is, I think it's nice to also have a little bit of a deadline because it helps us activate a little bit better. We've got something to shoot for, which is nice. I agree. But to the last point, I think we've got plenty of fucking time. We've got a lot. Oh, my God.

five days as bad. We've just been standing your talking. I'm just saying if he's like, oh, one's just like, oh,

thank you for doing this. And it's like, oh, I'm going to beguile you into becoming my, going to go to the mud kingdom, and you will be my man's servants forever.

I hope you guys want to say, oh, yes, please. Let's have a little bit of dignity. I don't feel compelled. that way. Hi. Hi, everybody.

Gary Goodberry here. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of adventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including monthly movie nights and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over saltmarch. You can also go to Thecrucidmood.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, the crooked mood, a folk horror tone for Dungeons the Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more.

Thanks. Bye. It is evening now as the stars shine down around you, as you stand on the banks of the lake and downfall. It's evening now? Yeah, it was evening when he descended. As he flapped his wings, it went from big morning to night. Yeah, some wonky time magic happened. I hope that doesn't happen again. Went 50 feet and all of those things.

To be fair, it's 13 days starting now. That's true. We're good, we're good, we're good. It became night well before he told, he pulled out his pocket watch and announced 13 days. When you're editing this episode, can you put in one of those 24 countdown? where it smash cuts the black. It's like, bing, boom. Boom.

Boom. And you stand along the banks as you are recounting your conversation with an archfay. This is your first experience dealing with an archfay, a fay of this immense power. And this being has sought you out and asked for your help.

We have a dinner to get to right away. Oh, no! Did we miss dinner? Please, don't tell Torberg we missed dinner. Oh, man. We'll just have breakfast. Well, I'm just wondering if this whole night thing was going to clear up and it's like, going to go back to what how it was. Oh, that's probably exactly what's going to happen. That'd be nice. Yeah, he probably just needs it to make it not because he was an owl.

And ours are nocturnal creatures. We need to find the rebellion. We do need to find the rebellion and I have the address right here written on this piece of paper that I definitely have a possession. Yes, it's unlike all those letters in that order.

Me too. I'm going to use the Observe action to look at what Kermi holds up. Dormick would like to take the Dodge. I still have 13 X points left.

X points? Yes, I paid for them in order to play D&D. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's part of my Barino subclass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

I was very confused for a minute. I'm going to make a life-saving throw. Still good. I'm alive. Did we, so, last session there was a forest of remember what was it like mushrooms or something

or am I just looking at this and thinking that there's a forest no there was a forest of mushrooms this is the tree and out from the forest of mushrooms you heard melancholy music wafting towards you that's right and that was separate from what Gideon heard to make him go horny and follow the dream

make him go horny what am I supposed to do it's like point it's like an arrow pointing it's in the right direction Yeah, I mean, that's fair. I was like, indicator pops up on your map. Frost, can you roll for social consequences, please? Yes.

If I didn't purchase the Light Vision license, do I have to spend X points on that, or am I going to have to be, take a subclass of murder hobo? You're going to have to take a subclass and murder hobo. You can purchase the X points now. Okay. I'll do that.

I'll do that. One minute. One minute. Wait, did you purchase the... Is the app not working? Oh, well, I have to pay for them. I have to work. I'm going to put a hole in my account.

Wait a minute. My competitive score is 34. Does that mean I roll six or seven of the die? Have you already taken one point in Murder Hobo? Oh. So that's going to add two more die. The navigation is really tricky. Just a minute.

I have three weapon fighting feet. Does that That negates one level of the murder No, actually no it doesn't Because your deception was hit Last time you got in that fight If I just choose to co-wrote the system Does that mean that I can bypass the roll

And immediately succeed or... Well, you can do that if you have 13 more Xbox Well, I thought I bought them It took my money, but it's not showing up I'm just going to roll with crypto advantage So 1151 On side down 17. Before you move any of those,

take a picture of it, I'm pretty sure it gets turned into an NFD. And if you get to own the picture of those dice the way that they currently are, don't worry if somebody right clicks and sees. It doesn't count. They don't own it. You own it.

Oh, my sarcasm went up by one point. Nice. Okay. I observed the document. You were all watching Frosty this. Wait. Cross has in character? Yeah.

You did. It's the beginning of the month. You did re-up your Pinkerton pass, right? My license expired. Oh, Frost, what are you talking about? What the hell is going on? That very well-dressed man in a bono cap in a vintage-looking revolver is walking very...

Don't worry. Very deliberately towards us. I still have one charge of morph. Is that a club? I see a man in a bowler hat approaching me with a club. Ha! You know what? Yeah, yeah, you do. I activate my dice tech.

Enemy's about it. I'm going to use all of my X points for this. I only have 37 brain out points left. You know, you can get advantage if you live stream this. Oh, really? But it has to be to be two of your social media. Does it have to be facing me, or can I just be facing the table? One of them has to be a face shot, otherwise the algorithm won't accept it.

Okay, hold on. Hashtag D&D 7th edition, though, otherwise it's not going to register on your profile. Our group grade is that scallion. Do I have to get a picture of all of us or just my... You'll get extra points if you do. Frus, you better not be impacting on my social creditors call. All right, all right, all right. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, ooh, ooh. Multi-stream to TikTok and kick and only fans. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell are you saying? Are you also struck fucking dumb by this Alga? I'm going to explain this one to Jack. Don't forget about squeamble.

Fortunately, my delicacy score is 10, so I won't forget. Oh, my God. I love it. So we changed so absolutely lost. So we changed the way that we did twist, we're doing twist to fate. And dread, yes, that was the one. Was this your...

This is my hint. Okay. I had them roll publicly, or I had the roles, but we announced publicly at the start of the session, what each one of their dreads was going forward for the session, and they could choose to use them whenever they wanted to, but they persist for the entirety of the session.

Andy had a brilliant idea that we have a silent dread that they find out about before we go live, and that dread will just randomly happen. So chat will have no idea what the dread is, and Derek got that he is playtesting D&D 7th edition. Regrettably, the cost of X points is just through the roof. It's outrageous. Frankly, it's unbalanced. In this economy.

In this economy. You have to buy late vision? And that's even less expensive than Dark Vision, which is outrageous. And the Brino class is just, it's all over the place. There's no theme. Chad just got fake hers. Yes. I thought it was having a strong.

You took me a lot minutes of remember what you were even doing. I literally forgot it. I got it. So I have the three weapon fighting defeat. I have defeated the bowling hat Pinkerton Man, which means that. I'm in now soapbox, my action. Oh, surprise condition. Oh, you can share, oh, don't forget to automatically share your really terrible hot take to Twitter.

I will as soon as the timer runs out. I'm in surprise condition. I have to wait a full minute before I can do anything else. Oh, man, if, I was going to say, couldn't just the DM? I can't waive that because it just rules that's cool, but we can't get around the AI. And you cancel off the timer? I can't because to do that I have to upgrade mine to the prime version, and I have the standard version.

Oh. Does that mean that I have to change which campaign I'm in in both apps? You didn't change the campaign you were in? Yeah, it still says I'm a magia fighter. We're going to have to delete your character. But I spent so much money. Please like and subscribe Um, Derek, um, can you, uh, can you do a performance check for me?

Uh, but on TikTok. I believe it's now called a flexibility reflectiveness test. Yes, but you have to do it on TikTok. Uh, gauze, do you like my cosmetic? And it was only successful if you get to at least 15 likes in the next 10 minutes. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do do. Do, do, do, do, do. This is embarrassing.

Oh, my stoicism went down one. Well, I feel like I would help you, Frosty, but I spent all my money on my my skin. I'm super saying Ariana Grande. Don't all look so great? Wow, the blonde hair really is

remarkably strike. Herbeck's been her only leutons is to get a triple S plus wife. But I just keep getting the common ones. I'm going to change my emotional state to reticent.

That was great. Thank you, Derek. My pleasure. I'm going to do this all night. A collective social credit school will not buy half a point. We'll get 0.2 ounces of cricket paste. That's a pretty good deal.

This is wonderful. That's how we get you. It's the conversion rate of X. points to cricket paste. Oh, well, I see some matrix to you somewhere. Yeah, you have to pay to see the matrix. When you that shut the fuck up,

I just invested all of our savings in the Hellhound coin. Oh, no, no. The horror is beyond dystopian comprehension. You can see. Thank you for that. My pleasure. But you were still standing

on the banks, having just experienced this event. What the fuck was that? just starting to make our way from the banks to our next destination. I'll take a step. No, no, Frost, we're doing my bank. Take a step.

No, Frost, we didn't want to pay all our money, so we're just going to use the old edition. We're playing fifth edition. Okay, that's fine. I'll stop playtesting. That's his phone. Wait a minute. Wait, we're playing.

We're back to 50 edition? Yeah. Oh, no. This nonplussed monkey in an admiral's hat is worthless. Oh. I put on a reverse mortgage. Anyways. Let us continue.

Where are two next on the map? Well, we have a few options. One is we could ignore that beautifully haunted music from the mushroom forest, or we could go check it out. I'm down for beautifully haunting music. I want to listen to see if it's changed at all, or is it sort of the same, has it been like an undertone to all this? You can't hear it from the banks. But if you choose to make your way, if you feel like you're done talking about your experiences with the King of Arts, and you're ready to move on, make your way towards the road where there had been the fork, once you get there, you are

able to hear the sounds again. And they, um, it is clearly a different song, but the same melancholy tone, um, haunts the tune. Uh, is it, I mean, is it still night? Does it seem like that's like, as we walked out here, does it feel like that's like waning away at all, or that was just like an effect that he showed up with? It feels like it's still night. You look, um, Before you even walk back to the crossroads, you look towards the soggy palace and all the lights are illuminated. The fireflies are out in droves. The sounds of nighttime in the swamp are reverberating around you.

It is clearly evening and well into the evening. We may have missed our dinner. Was that important? Well, I mean, if we gotta get a trinket from her, it's not gonna be any friend of ours if we stand her up for the only meal she's invited us to. I don't take that too well. She was offering us something that we were missing, right? Yeah. And I doubt that office still stands.

Unless maybe it's still the daytime and it just happens to be dark outside now. And we don't really know. I mean, I want to... Did she say how she would... call us that there would be like a the bucket the bucket on the rope or something where the bucket would automatically come down or the bucket would automatically come down to you i want to look up to see if i see any bucket that's been like lower down as if it's not even you're not even near the place that you would need to be um looking at the map you were given um you imagine

that you have one more waterway you would need to cross and there's a bridge over it before you can even get to the area. And if you look at your map, I can circle it. Well, thank you all the 15 days. Do we feel like we've missed, like, do we have the sense we've missed dinner, or is that like, is it slayed or will we not know? Make a extra version check.

Looking at the chat logs, I don't see any global text with like slash yellow turned on. Missed the dinner. Outside that. Yeah, yeah, you know, that one's, I'm standing. Keep you decently. Oh, we're over here. Oh, so we just have to walk across this thing.

This is like a bridge. We're even at the boat there. You're at the tree. We're here. Along the... We walked up to the road. Yeah. So we're up here now.

So we're just going to follow over the road. We're just going to walk right? This is like... Yeah, that's like 200 old feet. You know how long it's going to take us? Take it at least four days. Yeah, it'll walk very well, that's for sure. Torbic is rapidly losing any shred of hope he previously had.

Well, I do enjoy platinum ink things, but I don't know if we have time to go see the haunted music. I'm going to make it 200 feet. We've often felt like we need to... We need to check out what that music is. We all agree. I'll join you. We'll find out what the music is, see if we can help or hinder.

Well, somebody else has got to go up to it first this time, because you're all amateurs. I'll take the lead. Leave the way. Not a really hurtful thing to say, but I don't know how you bleed with that, but normally I'd say, you hell of your goddamn mom,

but in this case, you are kind of the music guy, right? Yes. and if you get eaten up by some terrible monster or if they're lighting your pants why

if they shoot lightning at your pants who told you about the logging in my pants I didn't know anything about lightning in your pants but there was lighting in my why are you saying that out loud

what do you mean well it happened to me you can reveal what we're doing well I mean you guys all saw me they just shooting lightening it straight into my pants

and it was you know it's kind of an odd sensation I mean, it killed me, so it wasn't good. But then Torbag Jammer's fingers down my throat, and I was totally fine. Where did I just say? What I'll just say? That we're amateurs. You are amateur very clearly.

Well, and you're embarrassing us. If you keep talking like that. We're going to be... Our mission is going to be revealed to this entire fucking swamp. Hey, no, you will not talk to my husband that way. You shut the fuck up. Don't you talk to me? I have authority on this mission.

you do not. I do. I'm letting you go first because I'm going to fuck if you die. There's a cyanide capsule in your tooth, Crammy. That is not. That I can trigger at any moment. Guys, guys! When the fuck would you be planning that? I did it when you were asleep. I have 20 years of

training in political science. Got them. In the King's Service, I'll have you now. Why are we tearing each other apart? Everybody Take a deep breath.

I'm too fucking old for this conversation, man. You're stressing me out. We are trying to infiltrate and take out the secret weapon silver nose. Did you not remember that? The secret one. No, Torbett doesn't know what you're talking about. Bavlona has one of the two keys that's required to launch it.

What are you talking about? Let's go. And I do a roll. I play the golden-eye-ch-bunch-bunch. Bum-bum-bum-bub-bom-bom-b-bom-b-b-bh. I play the Golden Eye pause music. I thought you were going to go full intro song. Silver nose.

Tormac feels like a lot of really hurtful things were just said, and then Grico just kind of rolled away. No, he didn't really roll away. He's just right there, and he keeps going bum-bum-bun-bub. He's being a fucking ass. And making a finger gun. Torrek doesn't disagree, but Torbeck thinks we all have to stick together and be nice.

My hand, fear is actually placed perfectly right in front of me, and I meet very originally. I glide over the ground. And every time I go up, I think it's just going to, it whips back. I go towards the music just doing this. I'm going to tolerate this because we do have to stay together. And in case he dies, maybe we'll be able to, you know, learn something from it.

Well, we're not going to just let him die. We need him. Do we? He's had a good run. Everyone being very mean. We've made it a good, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I just kind of think if it doesn't work out

It's been nice knowing you guys Needs a strong word I mean that's the thing When you get to a certain point in my There's a lot big of shit going on Him playing the Major Imid Geo game Silver Nose

Dormack doesn't understand Any of the words That's so sad Oh wow Ricko's gone in big head mode Are those remote or proximity? Don't you remember this? I do like a really fit hand signal.

That's a tell you all you need to know. I don't know. Do you know where proximity. I follow Grico. I follow Grico. as well. I love how you're all just taking each other's curses and just doing them too. It's actually really fogged this way.

I follow Grego, but at half speed indifferently. And you are making your way into the Toadstool Forest? We are. Your heart suddenly feels cold, filling you with a sense of loneliness that borders on despair. A haunting melancholy tune played on a flute reaches out to you from somewhere within the field of oversized toadstools. And as you make your way deeper in, it's already dark, but the shroud over you that these giant toadstools leaves makes it feel even darker still, even colder. But you proceed forward as you follow whatever Grico is doing.

until eventually you see a slender elf with pale blue skin and black hair, sits curled up in a shadow of a gray six-foot-tall toadstool, playing a somber tune on a double flute. It takes a moment for your eyes to fully adjust in the darkness, but you begin to see features on this alladron. It's not just an elf, but clearly an elandron of the sea. His fingers are webbed, fins, not fins, but almost like horns that come up at the top of his head for all intents and purposes, mimicking that of a stingray. The markings on his face and his body, it's clearly aquatic, oceanic of sorts. and his entire being is covered in barnacles and coral bits of shell. His outfit is sewn together pieces of netting and sail.

And he sits at the base of this mushroom, barely noticing you at all as he continues to play. What's that music? I'll look up and I'll point. No, no, no, no, no too. Hey, you, is it time to play the music? He looks up and stares at you for a moment, no emotion crossing his face. I'm playing it now. That means it's time to play the music.

It's time to love the lots. It's time to meet the mop. It's on the mapp. As we all turn to mopper. And you all immediately turn into my friends. Rico, why are you so... What's her happen? What's wrong with Dormac's arms and head?

Ah! Talking about, let me grab me... Oh, it's time to... It's time to play the music, so let me grab my Akarina. And, like, perfect song plays out. God's... Is this what you think what my piss look like? You all have to have unique Muppet voices.

You shouldn't sound like Grico, you're a Muppet now. Oh, we're Muppets. Yes. No, you're Muppets. Oh, I just thought I was a Torbett. I think Torbett is fine. You're a husband. You're a husband.

Burned. You see before you, an orange felt cat. Don't say I'm trying to be. Oh, pardon me. Hey, sorry. Gosh, I don't know what came over me. It's something like I was back in Goblin College with all my roommates,

yelling at each other about how overpowered bizarre employment opportunity is. Hey, fellas. Gosh, we all look great. Look at this sad sap on the mushroom or whatever he's doing. Did your music change us? It's not my music that did it I exploded into a puppet and I fell on the ground

and then all of a sudden I start to grow and grow and grow and you want just this gigantic Muppet alligator starts to tower over these mushroom trees

oh I got the full body puppet this is madness so my My right arm will just always stay like this and will move with me at all times. And I will only be able to use my left arm to gesture. And I look, I'm sort of the shape with like a narrow head and a big wide, like, round middle body.

And then it kind of tapers in towards my feet. I look sort of like that alligator from all dogs go to heaven in the suits. Let's make music to help. Let's make sweet harmony. What have you done? Hey, hey, try not to step around me. It would be terrible if you had you stepped on one of us.

I mean, the awful. I would never want to hurt a friend. Hey, Gideon. You're like bummed out of the mood more than this barricled berry over here, you know? Well, at least all the pain in my body is gone. Oh, Torrack didn't want to alarm Gideon, but Torbick known is that Gideon had some gray hairs.

Is that normal? Can you just speak a little quieter, please? Is that normal? You notice that... You notice that... Gideon is... He looks like Gideon in Muppet form, but he's definitely gotten older, where he's... is vibrant red hair. It's now

a pale baby pink. Some of it fading into white. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing frost. Wow! Wow! You present some great you're up here. Hey, stop being such a downer.

Our audience here is going to be real bummed out, especially if you take so long to get out every fucking sentence. Think about our audience that we have. Our Twitch, I mean, if we're the Muppets, can we also break the foot with the wall? It's kind of a You know. Because you've got a natural 20.

Okay. We got a show today? Yeah. We're going to put out a show for everybody. We're going to be able to teach you with joy again through the power of friendship. Yeah. Come on, Gideon. And we're not going to teach you from personal experience because we haven't experienced joy in many years.

Neither have I. Maybe our friend here can play a happy song. Oh, why did you stop experiencing joy? Did you get your first paycheck and discovered taxes? I got my last paycheck. I don't know how to be a Muppet. You've seen the Muppets? This is one of ludesmen.

The Melancholyne Cupid continues to blame. Idiin, if you can't think of an idea, you could always, you know, try to be like animal from the Muppets. Oh, he does the scream. Yeah You don't have to think that at all. Just stare at the camera and say one thing over and over again. Yeah.

Perfect. Hey, Kempupit show tonight. We got a fabulous program for you. We got this pathetic loser covered in articles here for you. Well, and now I was just getting ready. I'm so glad you joined us, children. I was just getting ready to step on Grico.

Oh, no. Please don't. I'm definitely not. I'm definitely not into the... I'm definitely not into... I think I might be in to it, and I'm not able to lie to you! Well, you know, it's not good to lie, children.

So you should take it from a giant crimi who shouldn't step on any of them. No, I think I definitely should. You never lie. Guys, why are we teaching children and not staying on people? I don't know. That hardly seems appropriate.

Start them young. You know, they got to learn about the reality of the world. That's why we're... Tonight is about stepping out each other in taxes. I'm starting to feel melancholy too. The thing, I have the pills for that. And this episode is sponsored by Big Pharma. Johnson and Johnson is sponsoring this episode

And we're going to have a musical number About why you should take your happy poos Well, we can now have a friend Hello, friend, what's your name? Well, you called me Barry, but that's not my name. Aww! I was hoping your name was Barry. It's not.

Is it Jim? I knew a fella named Jim once. He worked out of the local subway that I used to frequent. And he'd always, gosh, I probably should say that. Is your name Aladdin? Oh, I thought I got it on. I love Derek's mumby voice. That was a nice try.

That's a great idea. Frosty, we're going to go just, we got to go through the alphabet. Is it Albert? No. Gosh. I thought I'd get it. What about?

Casper? Casper. Yeah. Skid B's a shitty one letter anyway. You already did Barry. You're right. It's the only name that starts with B is Barry. The Denver children. The letters B, names of the letter B,

are all your parents lying, dude. Well, if we're not gonna guess your name, maybe you can tell us why you're so depressed. I mean, you don't live in a trash can like Torbeck. And now you realize that puppet Torbeck has actually just been in a trash can. From the waist down, you sit in a trash can with a trash can's little poppump. Oh, I mean, yeah, it's Torback. I mean, to live in a trash can.

Well, my name's not Barry. It's coral. Oh, we're in the seas! Oh, we're so glad to tell us that! The game is ruined! It's an awful name. It's basically the sea version of Carl. Oh.

But you can call me Coral. Coral Hearts Ray. Coral Hearts Ray. Are you related to that Kingfield? What? The kingfellow that rules this place. No? We haven't seen an Eladron here before.

What the fuck are you doing here? Well, I had my heart broken. It was really depressing and awful. Oh. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, you know. Oh. Barely function as an Eladron. Wondered away from my home, my family, and my friends,

because I was just destroying all of this. all the relationships in my life with my hopelessness. Have you ever considered that maybe removing yourself from that situation really was the best decision? I thought that for a while when I was sober. But... Delusion. All right, children, let's count these nightstands together. Five nightstands.

Four, three, two, one. One night stand. What? I think that's wishful thinking. Is that why all the music you play is so sad? Yeah, are you sad? I know what it's like to be, we know what it's like to be sad.

It's not that I'm sad. I don't feel anything at all anymore. I play the sad music because it's the last thing I remember playing, and I hope that it'll give me some kind of emotion back. Made my way here when I was sad and pathetic and alone, and that's when I met Avlornah. But Lorna, we don't like her. She's not very nice at all.

Well, yeah. She really isn't. Did you make a deal with Bavlorna? I did. Our audience knows this is implicit understanding that our odds has. Whenever anyone announces something really stupidly done, we all yell at the camera. Sure.

That's what you need to do. Gosh. Yeah. Hold on. We're sponsored. We're sponsored by Pfizer. I just, hold on a ticket. I need my happy peels.

I can't get this thing open. I used to turn to pills, too, when I was feeling down. Finally, something relatable. And that's part of what led me to make the deal with Pavlana. And at the time, I was so desperate for anything that would fix the issue that I was willing to give away my still beating heart for her to take away the memories of my lost love. Oh, it's got dark way. She took away the memories, and I felt amazing for the first time of my life. Since I lost her, I was joy.

I didn't want to give up my heart. So I refused, and I ran. Oh, that's good. I was until she found me and took it by force. Oh, that's bad. And replaced my heart with the heart of a goat. And now she has my heart, and I can feel nothing.

That's bad. Well, that story really gets my goat. Is there anything we can do to cheer you up? Give my heart back. Well, maybe we can start by naming other farm animals. What are you thinking? Oh, that's a great idea, Tobac. Excellent thought from your filthy trash game.

Do you have any suggestions for farm animals? Alpaca. Oh, that's a great idea. Alpaca. What else, kids? They do farm alpaca. Alligator, too. Farm for me.

And skin. Oh. Why does he keep getting so sad? Oh. And pigs, as well as humans. And remember kids, all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. And that's why we're going to go to an animated retelling of George Orwell's animal farm.

Speaking of here, Wits, we're sponsored. my automobile. Little kids, pick up a copy of the audiobook of Animal Farm. Well, so your heart's gone.

We have to get Coral's heart back to bring him joy again. Oh, you're right. It's our duty as puppets to help everyone we meet. That's right. And not inadvertently make their

lives worse by an order of magnitude. I mean, at this point, I'm sitting here in a mushroom forest with a goat's heart in my chest, talking to a bunch of puppets about the fact that I made an awful deal with the hag, and also I drove myself to drink. So I don't really think you'd get much worse than this, but lucky for me right now, I can't feel a damn thing. Well, fellas, have you considered the possibility that just because we're puppets doesn't mean we need to solve everyone's own personal problems? and that maybe they're better off if they're basically dead to their loved ones. That's a horrible idea.

Thank you. Up in Alligator. Doorback hates to admit that giant Mr. Crammy might be right, but we are on a time crunch. 13 days. Can you count a 13 kids? Yeah.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12. Do, do, do, do, do. Thirteen. Hey, hi. Gideon, what do you think about the number 13? Ah!

You sound just like my ex-wife. And we'll get your heart back if we find an 11th. ...of shoes with green striped socks walked off. We continue talking. I'd appreciate it if you did that, but also wouldn't blame you if you didn't. You do happen to find it and make your

way back here to the toadstool forest, give it back. I might be able to offer you something in return. See, helping others helps us too. That's the lesson. Oh yeah. And kids, Coral is sad. What are some other emotions? No, I have no emotions. Oh, Coral is experiencing the true nothingness of the depths of sorrow. Not even existential dread? Nope, gone. I thought it's pretty nice. Hey, that's, you know what? It really does sound kind of nice.

You're not making your situation seem that bad. Hey, guys, I think our question be to remove our own hearts and replace them with the hearts of goats. I'm going to go bring my knife. Anyone else got a goat? Torbeck's arms don't need to be twisted that much Where could we find a good That's zoo

And it cuts away and we're all like it's all like puppets And it's weird like clearly staged like petting zoo Like out in nature and it's really shitty like 90 Hold on the still the diagram here Oh my dog Folks Before you begin, we have to search Dormex filthy sack for Gary Goodberry's knife. Oh, that's right.

Thanks, Joe, babe. These items look like Gary Goodberry's knife. There's like three objects float above Dormack's head. One is like a, like a, it's a banana. One's a banana. Another one is a house plant. And the third one is this absolutely horrific stone sacrifice. bagger. Which item do you kids think is Gary Goodberry's knife? Which one, kids?

We do that awkward thing where we all look at the screen for like 30 seconds. That's right. Oh, that's right. It's this one. Yay! Okay, thanks. Can't give it here, Torback. Finally, the sweet release are lights. Having Cremi and Red Pell's yeah. Cutting by all folks. Bye, we'll add our names to the book of the devil soon. Yay! We shall enjoy the taste of butter and the devil's brine.

Brain blood down. Jesus. Ourself again. Really escalated quickly. A strong one. That was a matrix. I should be completely horrified by what has just happened, and I still feel nothing. Yeah, but you don't have a heart. That's right.

We're going to give your heart back. I know you get a lot of strange things just now. Aren't you the guys that were in that cooking show up at the palace? Oh, yeah. I'm the electrum chef. Oh, yeah. That's really cool. And this is my electrum sous chef.

Yeah, it was there three days ago. And that's where we'll end the second. Oh, shit. Oh, Carl. I loved you in the Walking Dead. Done already? Yeah, we're done already. So here's the problem.

What happens next? gonna take way too much time for you to start. That's fair. That's right. Yeah. Oh, no. And that was a perfect place to end it with the fact that you guys were just fucking Muppets. Oh, that was fun.

Yes, so he did just say I was there three days ago. Yeah. Yeah. We can reveal our secret twist. Yeah. For those that used them. I used mine. I don't know who used it. I didn't know who used one. I didn't get to use one. I'm saving mine.

I'm saving mine. Because mine's good. I like mine. Can we say mine's done since I think I effectively did that? I would say you effectively did that. So Cremie couldn't tell a lie again. And what was yours? It is just rapid aging, but. Yeah, you couldn't tell the truth. No, he loved lying.

You switched to. Yeah, you love lying. Oh, tell the truth. You fucked up the problem. You got to do it again. I didn't do it. It's spoiled. It's fine.

It's fine. I accepted it. I accepted it. It still worked for me. checked off. I get half credit. Yeah, mine was rapid aging, which...

I liked your muffin. Mine was playtesting D&D 7th edition. That was so good. That was very clever. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or Higher

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