Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 51 | Candyland

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Shenanigans ensue as the Krew samples candy in Loomlurch...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/0LBQqk20s9s?si=iRc84rgzVBxEU4jr

What a do? Welcome to Legends of Adventress. My name is Kremlin Kruh and you are listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. If you'll agree to a drink among friends, we'll talk. Morning Miss makes you more susceptible to the magic's in the Fay Wild. Things are probably going to get crazy soon. And if I could get the getaway gang out of thither and at least in the yarn, then maybe we would be able to survive. survive or find a way to get home. Squirt can't really help with anything because you got to fill him with boggle oil. And when squirt does things, well, he squirts. And so there's bog. Okay, you pervert. Okay, he's an oil can. The army is inspired. Do you know where they're being kept? Yeah, in the workshop. Is that near where the oil was produced? That's going to be a little bit complicated. You're all going to go to the goblin market. You're going to pretend like your travelers, purchase some. sweets, arrange for a meeting with the hag. During the meeting, all of the kids will alert the screaming scarecrows and they're going to lure the 10 soldiers into the garden. Okay? Well,

that's happening. Well, everyone is distracted. You guys are going to go to the workshop and free the captives. I'm going to climb into the textile mill and free the captives that are there. Once all the children are set free, everyone will run back to it. We're buried in a plan like this. I'm sure we'll remember every step in Mexico. Smallously. Three stalls selling candy are situated in this clearing, lit by windows carved into the giant fallen tree to one side of it,

taps on the side of his candy apple head. And you hear him say, I don't have time to listen to you right now, you stupid thing. Damn, maggie! Get out of there! Get out of there! Are all standing. outside a fallen oak tree. Larger than any oak tree that you've ever seen in your entire life.

You know this place to be Loon Larch, the home of Scabbotha Nightshade, granny nightshade. And it is here in the darkness beneath the canopy of these massive trees that surround you that you find yourself this day. You just previously spent the night under the bows of a triad, one that housed a group of rambunctious children,

all of them having escaped from this place, all of them returning to this place today in one valiant attempt to free the rest of the children that have been imprisoned here, that have been captured and made to do the labor and work for this awful hag. a hag whose past you are familiar with, that you've learned. You know the darkness that lurks within this place, but where you stand now, it feels almost peaceful. The soft wind rustles the leaves around you and cools your skin. The darkness isn't fully dark. It's, even though it's morning, it feels almost like twilight and the lightning bugs that zip around you.

illuminate this space in a warm and cozy glow. The light that emanates from inside of this fallen tree warms up the entire area of what is known to you as the goblin market. And it's here that you stand looking at three stalls. One canopied in blue, one in green, one in red, both of them manned by goblins. None of them seem to be paying too much attention to you, all but one. A goblin, a goblin, stands in front of you wearing a tunic of green, orange and green striped pants. And atop his goblinoid head is what is clearly a candy apple.

And looking at him, it is not the image that you would expect from a scarecrow. This is not a candy apple helmet, but his head has actually been transformed into a candy apple. the eyes recessed in, you can see the pale meat of the apple itself as the candied coating drives down his face. All the while, he's smacking his head,

seeming very confused and distracted, even though he attempts to speak to all of you, as he calls out to the maggot in his head and tells it to quiet itself. He takes a moment, and you can, can see that he's focusing really hard on something for a minute before he looks up at you and a smile forms on his face. Welcome to the Goblin Market.

I'm so sorry for my outburst. How can we help you? Are you looking for delicious delicacies? A meeting with our lovely hostess, Scabatha Night Shade, or simply a lovely walk through the beautiful gardens outside Loon Lurch. How can I help you? I am, Chucklehead. I'm literally not making it up.

Now that's his name, okay? How's it getting in reaction? Whoa! Well, shucks, is what a child name? Now, no, hold on, hold on, the name, the name's Chucklehead, you associated or themed around clowns in any way? No, and you can just call me Chuck.

Oh, Chuck. He's all right, we can do it. Yeah. How about like Charles? It's short for Chucklehead. About like Charles or Charlie. Just keep it totally away from chuckles in any way, shape, of form. Yeah, if you like.

All right, Charlie. What do you think? One, caramel apple, please. You see his face kind of fall a little bit in sadness as he looks over towards the blue candied wagon. Can make your way over there if you want candied apples. Oh, what the fuck are you selling then? Oh, I, I'm the manager. I oversee the goblin markets to make sure that everything's all right.

To make sure that they're fully stopped, make sure none of the children have escaped to make sure that the toy soldiers are doing their patrols to set up any meetings with Gabith, the Nightshad, and to make sure the children haven't escaped. Wow, all of that sounds really important. It really is, and I'm the only goblin that can do it here. It may not look like it to you, but I am a goblin. A horrible curse befell me. Oh my God! What's wrong with you? Affair-A-Rae.

Excuse me, that is very... That is not nice. Well, but it's true. You got a little something going on here. I am currently dripping melted candy. I do understand that to be the case. From your face. You understand that?

From the entirety of my head. Cricko, you can't just go out asking people what's wrong with my damn kids. He turns around to show you that the candy's also dripping down the back of his head. Oh. Is his shoulder slumpy? He looks defeated. You see him hit his hit on his head and the candy strings from his head to his fingers. I told you to shut up.

Oh. Well. Do you see the maggot? No. Oh. Do you have voices in your head, too? No, I have a capricious little insectoid creature, a bug creature,

I don't know, a worm. I don't know what you'd call it. He's in my head. And it's currently eating what's in there. I'll be dead in month tops, so. Oh! This just keeps me worse. Wait, are you saying that you're cursed to have a rotten applehead where it's going to be slowly eaten by a worm?

Well, excuse me, it ain't rotten presently. I mean, it's infected with a worm. I didn't put it in there. So she cursed me. Can you say her name? I would prefer not to. Do you want to buy candy or are you here to... Does older candy have worms in it?

You can get candy with worms in it if you want. No, thanks. We're here on important business. Oh, yeah, because Mike was standing when he DM'd, huh? Oh, it's mic adjustment time. We're making. I do the same. I'll get off of you a little bit of mark adjustment too.

This is professional. Oh, yeah. Take care of that real quick. There we go for a little bit. Anyway. Oh, we would love some candy. and if you're taking meetings with scabifah

scatphor that's exactly what we're looking for well I could definitely set up a meeting for you what is the nature of your business war removal resurrection of a long dead loved one just let a know that acquisition of land

just let them know that we have some dirt on assist us. Sure. I can probably pencil you in for sometime next week for a meeting of that nature. You see he opens up a small little notebook that is bound in these beautiful purple and green leaves. And inside you see modeled paper

that is pressed with different flowers and fungi and things. begins to start scratching some notes in there. Did you say your name was? The name's Cremant-L-Crew. How do you spell that? Oh, geez. You don't have any Cremies in the Faye Wives?

Oh, I can spell the Cremie. You know how many Crews in the Faye-Wive? Oh, I can spell Crew. It's the love part. Oh, it's L-E. Oh, all right. I was going to write A. Oh.

I try to look in the book. I want to see if there's actually, like, like, writings and appointments in there, or if he's just, like, bullshitting us. Okay, roll a perception check. Oh, we played D&D. Also, Torbick is nosy. Sly, Cooper.

Oh, that's a 17 with a plus five perception is gonna be a 23. You look in and you see that there are notes that say names and reasons for business and what he is, what time frame he's giving. But you also see that dispersed between them are little bits of scribbling where it seems that he is responding to the bug in his head

and that he is distracted and writing down responses or the things that it's saying to him between all of these things. Next to yours, you see that he very clearly spelled Kremi and Kruh incorrectly. And he also spelled the L.A. Kermi L.A. Kro. Yeah. And next to it, he puts dirt on the sisters,

Scabatha out until evening, already a more important meeting. Oh. Scott takes good enough. Wait, you don't have anything sooner? I mean, this is important business. It may be important business to you, but there are many that come with dirt on her sisters. If you had the head of a sister or if you had something

valuable that one of the sisters was longing to own. If you had, you know, something of that nature, that would be one thing. She's out for the day. She's actually in Yon presently. We currently have another patron that is here who came before you. First come first serve with menial tasks, menial business. And so as yours is not ranked higher than hers. She is currently in the parlor waiting.

And then it's really up to Granny Night's Shade, whether she's willing to take anyone for the rest of the week. But last I heard, she's got a lot of toy making to do. Cranny, why don't you show them the thing we got, man? Like the spool? The silver spoon? No, man. I was thinking, you know, like Will's dagger. I'm sorry, did I hear you say Will?

No. Are you friends of that rap scallion? No. No, we're actually hunting him for the bounty. He said whales, dagger. That's exactly right. Like, wow. All right.

That is my mistake. He's in my ear right now. You're half rotten. Right in the air. You might have one second. Just amongst the selves. Take your time. I'm going to head over here, sit on this stump.

Argue with my fella. Well, while, I mean, if all you discuss, I think I might use the jelly beans. I'm off, I mean, from you, And Frost disappears. And he is not here for the remainder of the second. You don't know where he went. And it's the crazy magic of the Fayland,

all of a sudden he's just gone. Frost right-clicked Gricka's window painted. He's set to follow. I was going to say we actually watch him Benjamin Button all the way to a baby in the van deroges. It's so strange how it happens, but just all of a sudden he's gone. Yeah.

And so, Bras is a man. Alas, earwax. And so this goblin, you hear mumbling to himself as he's talking to the preacher in his head as he goes and takes a seat on a large carved out stump that functions like a, it almost looks like a small throne that he's clearly made for himself to sit and watch over the goblin market.

He allows you free reign of this place while you decide that you want to talk among yourselves. You can see that the goblins in each one of these stalls seem to be very busy. And there is a, they are unpacking and filling up the different shelves with candy. You can see that there are children that keep leaving loom-lurch and scuttling towards the back of these market areas with baskets full of different treats and the goblins are working directly with them to get everything stocked. You see a little sign on the red wagon that says one treat, one trinket, and that there's a little, that there's a little bowl

where you can put the trinkets, you don't even have to interact with the goblin should you choose not do. You can simply take what you would like, place a trinket in payment, and sample all of the things that you would like to try. And this feels fairly private, and it feels, it feels fairly cozy.

You imagine that you imagine that you would like to try. that you do have a significant amount of privacy to be able to talk amongst yourself in whatever you need to. And Frost is gone, by the way. Damn, he's just disappeared. I was gonna ask Frost to remind me what our fucking plan was.

We know with the Liggerie's guy. It's right? Fantastic Ross eating candy, shloofed in New Blame. I mean, what the hell, Frosty? I believe we were sent to create a distraction. That's what I remember, But I remember the dagger, but I was going to keep that. You're still in time out of character.

So because it's been a while, the entire purpose of you being here is to help Will rescue the children. Yes. You also have tasks of your own. So how he, his plan for rescuing the children was you'd come to the Goblin Market, find some way to gain audience with Scavatha. So that way, while they're executing their plan to cause a distraction and rescue the children outside, of Lume Lurch. You could distract Scabitha so she doesn't know what's going on and then find a way to sneak deeper into Lume Lurch and rescue the children that are in the workshops

inside. Will would then meet you inside and help with that while the rest of the kids were going back to their camp. You know that you also need to make your way to her study or whatever room she would keep the paintings in because you have a deal with Bavornah. And so you need to steal some paintings for her. So they're gonna handle the distraction? They're handling the distractions outside. You will be responsible for everything inside. We've got a tank Scabatha.

I see. So basically this entire place is run by child labor. We've got to sacrifice his kids. And so I, in my head, does it, at least for me, I was thinking that I would keep secret that we have that until we're in the room with Scabatha, so not to like, get them on edge about kids. That was what Will have.

explained to you is that at its worst like not at its worst like if things got bad when you were talking with scabbatha you could show her that I would say you would imagine that showing that to to Chuck to Charles to Charlie isn't going to do much for you because he doesn't understand the nature of these things scabatha is going to be the person that will pay more attention to that piece of quality it seems like the your tactic to gain audience isn't good enough. So you might have to try and figure out something else you think that she might like.

Or, you know, ask questions and manipulate him to figure out how to get in there. Torbeck was also thinking about the spool. But Torbeck's keeping it safe and Torbeck isn't sure that we should reveal that we have the spool. It might work to get us an audience with her, but then she'll know that we were there with her sister. I mean, that's a good point. I mean, did we still have the spool? Or did the... Dormex got it. Oh, you have it. All right. Okay. Did Dormex filthy sack? It feels like it's been two months. You know what I mean?

Next to Dormex Filthie's sake. That's the best piece. to put it, Tormec. You think if we show this guy the spool, I mean, he's going to have any freaking clue what that is? Well, he won't, but Scabitha will. But either way, Tormec doesn't think it's the best plan. Just an option.

Why do you think that she's so keen on child labor? Wouldn't? I feel like kids are really shitty at all sorts of. They suck. Yeah, but their little fingers can get deep into dangerous. machinery where big hands can get. Oh, that's very valid. That's pretty important.

Yeah. We can call it small, to call spaces on dance. If you actually know your art, it makes sense. That makes sense. You know, trial casino I'll get, but like this whole operation seems a little, even advised. That makes sense. I mean, how many times were there, you know,

carnival rides and stuff where you couldn't get your big paws in there, we should've just hired kids to do it. Yeah. I mean, we just had Torbank failure out and that work. out and that work, I don't know, like none of the time. And now, Tormack has crazy weird flows. Man, if you've gone through your horrible torture before, and we want to run the best carnival anyone's ever seen. Tormack's like a Swiss Army night now.

Well, we'll get him stretch. You're going to get the opposite of inspiration. Frost continuously rips in and out of. Gross doesn't hear. What was that? While we're talking, you will slowly notice that Torbeck is inching

ever so slightly further and farther away from the group towards the Trinket bowl to leave a trinket and take a treat. What trinket are you leaving? My hourglass with no sand. He looks at it

and he has this awful feeling when he looks at it, remembering the time that we encounter that horrific creature. and doesn't want to keep it anymore. And thinks that getting rid of it for free candy is a very good deal. So I will drop the hourglass with no sand

into the bowl and take a treat of my choice, I suppose. Yeah, you walk up to the green stall, the one in the middle, and you place the hourglass into the bowl and you see that the wall of candy that has been erected in this stall shimmers magically, and you realize that there had been a magical barrier

protecting this. You couldn't just come up and take what you wanted. But you've placed the trinket there and now there is a plethora of candy for you to choose from. You see all sorts of, and this one, disgusting candies. You see beetles encased in hard candy. You see lollipops made from compacted ants. You see jellied worms. But you also see a handful of what looked like really delicious candies. This strange butterfly lollipop that looks like it's made out of, that's made out of tiny, little tiny bubbles all fused together. You see that some of them pop and a soft pink hue emanates from it,

and it smells like cotton candy, but like the most intense cotton candy you've ever smelled in your life. You see small little, what look like blue bells, but are clearly like a hardened sugar. And when the light hits them, you can see these tiny veins running through them like you would on a real bluebell when the light hits it. But it looks like it almost flows

with this delicious nectar. And there are tons of candies here for you to choose from. Torbeck will go through the ones that look gross and be like, oh, Torbeck's had enough bombs. lately and take the butterfly one. It looks delightful. And hoping that nobody basically noticed, even though he's just trying to be like sneaky,

but not really, we'll like sneak back over with the butterfly light pop and be like enjoying it. So now what? Oh, how is that toolbook? This? Yes. How is it? It's absolutely delicious.

When it hits your tongue, it almost evaporates for a second. And then your tongue is, the entirety of your tongue is consumed with this sweetness, this flavor that you've never tasted before. It is almost milky and sugary at the same time, but light and airy. And as you, as you continue to lick at this butterfly lolly, you feel giggly. Oh, uh, well, Grico, Dormicko, Dormick doesn't want to overstate or hype up the candy too much. But this briefly made Torbeck forget that he's a hideous depressed monster

that has voices in the back of his head for just an instant. And perhaps Torbeck finally understands the meaning of happiness. Wow, that's really strong stuff. I will pull out a little rock that floats and can be a floating rock. Are you gonna get in the bowl? And I almost try the wood in the bowl.

It floats just above the bowl. It just hovers there. Oh, I have a lute. That makes the bowl. It's tiny, it's a tiny wooded with cat hair streaks. That's great. It's a funny, Andy, because had you not said that I wouldn't even thought about it? I just thought about it.

It clangs as the tiny wooden lute falls into the bowl. The wooden lute falls into the bowl, and you watch as the barrier shimmers and the candy appears for you. I'll take whatever. So Mikey in his heart of hearts, King of Hearts, wants a Flintstones push pop. But if they don't have a Flintstones push pop, you can roll.

I can roll forward or just grab some. You pull out the unicorn's push pump, and it is a tubular frosted candy, and it shimmers in a beautiful, pale, pale blue and white. It looks like it is covered in glitter, and as you turn the base of it, the unicorn horn slowly climbs out of it. As you take your first bite of it,

you see that the inside is filled with swirling rays, of color. You feel warm on the inside. With every lick and bite of this thing, it feels like a winter's fire has been kindled inside of your soul. Yeah, but damn, that's good. The seating around to get to that joke. They're better than one, I'm gonna walk up to it, and I'm gonna take, look through all my bag of shit.

And I'm gonna pull out one of Frost's fingernails that I have. when they all fell out. And I'm gonna put it in the trinket phone. It seems to accept it and you are able to grab one of the unicorn pushpops. Oh my god. Same flavor, that says? This is one of the greatest things I've ever tasted in my life.

It's nice and light. Gia, when we open the carnival back up, maybe a new concession idea. Well, I think the concessions look might a good, but I'm not so. supporting the commerce any kind of goblin market. And that's because of that moral, not because I forgot. I need to trade.

Whoa. What is that supposed to me? What do you mean? They're selling bugs and you're using kids to make candy. This one is that one. I don't think it has bugs in it. Well, you haven't gotten to the center yet. I mean, it's goblin candy.

It's always got bugs. And if those kids made this candy, they have a real talent. Look, let me get you something. I'm gonna walk up, like, and I'm gonna take one of Grico's teeth that I have, and I'm gonna put it in the bowl. Okay, you do that, and the bowl seems to accept it happily. And I'm looking for the equivalent of like a warhead.

Okay. You see. If they have that, anything like spicy or sour. You see a small red candy. It is shaped like a little bomb. Oh, that's cool. And you pick it up and it feels warm in your hand. The coating around the outside is almost glittery,

as if this thing had been held by the, had been held by the, why can't I figure out what that word is called? The fuse? The fuse, thank you. Held by the fuse and dipped into a glitter bag. Black rock candy. And you,

you hold onto this and you see that there's a small little tag on the side that says light the fuse for the most fun. All right kid, look. Now you didn't support it, I did. Here you go. Crammy, I said I have morals, all right. But not when candy's free. Read the tag. What the fit? A little flame erupts onto the fuse as it starts to trick down, you open your mouth and pop it in, you immediately taste this delicious smoking flavor

and interspersed with these bits of sweetness, as all of a sudden you see smoke erupt out of Gideon's nose and ears and the sides of his mouth. And inside of your mouth, you feel the crackling explosion of essentially pop rocks as this goes from sweet and smoky to fiery and hot. This is the spiciest candy you have ever tasted in your entire life. Is it good?

Oh, damn, my damn man. We gotta take some house. These goblin kids are on to something, though. Okay, I'm gonna go throw a few more teeth and fingernails in there. I'm gonna just take a few for research later. I mean, for research purposes. I mean, we gotta understand we're dealing with it. I mean, I have a bunch of trinkets.

Well, the bowl in the cup, all I'm keeping. But I'll take this displaces, Varnish displace a beast, I don't think I've given that away yet, right? Okay, I'll throw it into the ball. I don't think I'm given that away. And Mikey really wants shark bites fruit snacks. Oh my god. But that's a blast.

Whatever Grico, Mikey's really feeling that. Whatever, whatever, if they don't have that, if they don't have shark bites, shark-s-saved-sword fruit snacks. You look around and you begin to see that there are some semblance of organization to this. And you realize that certain things seem to be certain areas, in certain areas, and you do find a small section of this stall

where there is a court of coral themed candy section. You see beautiful coral lollipops that seem to be made out of crystallized sugar to form the shapes of beautiful pieces of coral and varying colors. But one of the things of coral of the things that catches your eye here is what looks to be a jelly fishbowl.

It jiggles a little bit, and inside of it you see one shark swimming around and around inside of this thing. You reach in and you pick it up and it jiggles in your hands. And as you're looking into it, you see that there are all of the standard aquarium fair in here. You see a little treasure chest and you see fronds of seaweed and an ocean plant life, all in their gelatinous candy form. But that one little shark, it seems to be a little more dense

than the rest as it swims around in this. You see bubbles billowing up from the bottom. And as they pop, you can smell the sea salt. And that's what you're probably. Guys, I know that child labor is bad at all. But this candy's really cool. I own them kids makes me a little. I know, I mean, this is a wise man once said,

the only thing better than child labor candy is free candy. Oh, gosh, this is delicious. As you put it up to your mouth, the shark jumps out, attaches to your nose, and bites. Oh! It's like a pinch. It's like it's a gummy bite, it's a pinch.

It's like it's a pinch. But you watch as the shark is attached to Grico's and it's just wiggling this way and that. It looks like it's trying to be ferocious, but it's quite cute. And you imagine you just have to pull it off and plop it in dramatic. Biting into it, it is a different sweetness

than the other candy that you had. This is much more subdued, and there is a, just a bite of sea salt with every chew. And you devour the gummy shark, and it's little gelatinous bowl, and you feel candified. It's delicious. I mean, we still got to do the whole fan,

but you know. We should take some notes when we reopen a carnival. We can have a whole confection factory. I wanna go up to the bowl and take all of the teeth and fingernails that I got from Grick-O-and-Frawls and just dump them in the bowl and try to get one of each. and just try to, you know, if it'll let me.

You put a ton of things in this bowl, and you imagine that it normally accepts one dumpage is one exchange. But for the sake of, it's the New Year and Good Karma. I'm doing my dumpage, guys. Oh, my hand. I bring my dumpage in the new No, I'm not.

Oh, I bring my dumpage. No, shut down. I'm just, I'm really sure to put my my dumpage in the new year. What a waste. It's only a tadpins. Oh, so soon. I need.

I need. Just one extra second. One extra second. One extra second. We'll see. You pour your dumpage into the bowl, and it gets you a plethora of candy. You are able to pull about, I would say,

30 pieces of candy. Yeah, all would basically as many different kinds as I can pull. A wide array. Array. Or variety. That's yes. Don't Google Vore, I'm sure that is.

I'm sure that's a nightmare. Or dumpage. Or dumpage. I'll put it all in my pack. And I want to see, so for, I want to take an extra of the unicorn pushpops, an extra of the bomb. And I want to check later at some point

to see if it starts melting. But for now, I'll have one of each. Okay. All right, so I mean, wait. All we have to do is get an audience with Scavitha, right? I need you all roll a DA, please. Oh, Mike, can you roll two D8s? Back on track.

Double seven. Do you roll, Cremmy die? Hold on, hold on, oh. I got a five. Oh. Got a three. a three. Seven, two.

Four. Okay, thank you. Oh. Okay, if all we need to do is gain audience, then the kids are gonna handle the rest. Well, that's only like the first half. Then we have a pretty difficult choice to make. Which is...

Which is... Torbeck is no brain here. Normally this would be frost. territory, but Torbeck doesn't see how we can possibly save those kids and steal a painting or three. You watch as Grico's size doubles. Whoa! This shoots up.

Actually, no, he's just kind of like normal manhite. He just becomes in normal, yeah. He's like six feet home. He goes from here to here. I'm six four and I row for you two games! Look at you, Grico, big man on campus. Slightly less little green. Like normal green.

Yeah, come like that. Oh my God, green now. Average height green. Yeah, well, nothing to write home about. Green. Simultaneously as you say this, you're looking down at Grico Torbeck. As you were reduced in size by half.

You slowly start to shrink and shrink and shrink. Your eyes. meat and then you're looking up at Grico instead of looking down at him. I should have known. This is a funny day. Whoa! Torbeck isn't doing this to himself. Torbeck is like mini Torbac.

Is this what it always looks like for Grigo? Yeah, how does it feel? I get you. How does it feel? I like get up. Oh God, what's gonna happen to me? what's going to happen to me. I look at you and I say,

but I really wasn't too bad until you kicked a torquay. What did you have to kick Granco? What was there for? Yeah, look how tiny you are. I will end up big of torpedoes and just throw up. I don't like trying to get away. I just like, I just sailed as a goblin like you mark it.

You hit a couple of stumps. You hit a small ring of mushrooms and completely obliterate them. You land up against the stall. And the stall shakes, a couple pieces of candy fall, but magically reappear back where they were supposed to be. Two of the goblins look over and stare at you and shake their head, but they don't attempt to get involved.

And as this is happening, Gideon, you reach out and grab Krummi's shoulder. Once again, looking at these idiots, as you watch them engage in whatever. You look down at his hand, and you see that where his hand is, There are now questionable stains. That's it. Everything you touch leaves questionable stains.

Well, look at these rules, man. Oh, just so wagging. Yeah, what the fuck? What, man? Trying to stain my suit? No, I'm not trying to stain your suit. Well, I mean, maybe it's covered in candy. I don't know.

I've never seen anything like this happen before. I swear. Let's get it down. Does it come out? Is it coming out? Is it coming in prestes? Oh. Again.

Are you fucking kidding me? What, man? That's clearly cinnamon. We're not gonna get a suit this nice in the Faywild. It definitely doesn't look like cinnamon. There's no way that has ruined. It's clearly cinnamonable. What is this?

What color is it? It doesn't necessarily have a color. It's just kind of darkened your suit. It's kind of splotchy. Krusty. Crusty. It smells a little like Pennsylvania. There's a little more in this.

It's just kind of darkened. Pennsylvania in the spring. There's a bit of hardness to it. You imagine if you tried to move it, you might crack your coat. Look, Craigie, let me see you. No, no, no, no. Let's see you run up.

You are, you begin to panic. And you all watch as Cremie's head begins to grow in size, as Cremie's head doubles in size. No, no. Body stays the same. Whoa, man, look out. It's gigantic.

Oh, my God. Wait, here. Here, look. You fix your head. You watch his scenes here all over Crumby's hat and his face. Oh! From about 15 feet away, as Torbeck is getting, I'm brushing himself off.

He looks at getting and goes, Yeah, Torbeck is 100% sure that that's not cinnamon. Oh my god. You guys got a bunch of cool stuff. Cool. Grie, throw me here through Torbik across. Oh, gosh, is this how it feels all the time, guys? It's hard to understand what Marco says in this moment

as he begins foaming at the mouth. Oh, my dating app is blowing up. I got messages from Girls from Goblin High School. That's a little kitchen out. This is probably going to wear off eventually, right? Oh God, oh God. Straight up. up all right yeah this is not pleasant what is going on hey let me see that thing

what are you looking at here give it here gives it feels like trees in Pennsylvania that's disgusting why are you smelling it well this is ruined I'll go throw it in the drinking bucket that's your head traps who has a cleaver I'm gonna go inside inside inside inside size it all or is a My hat. Oh no, your hat grew in size too. You look like a bobblehead. You look like the 007 giant head kid. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh my god. I hope this shrinks back down. Otherwise my hat's ruined too. Well, these things are. I mean, it's already looks pretty ruined. Gideon touched it when he was trying to write your head and you see these squashed with stains all over your hat.

Listen, man, the hat looks perfect, all right? Just don't take your mirror out, all right? Just don't take your mirror out. Yeah. Why? I take my jacket off, so I stopped smelling it. And I put it in my bag. All right.

You can stay at least five feet away from me, all right? All right, man. I don't need any more stains. I gotta say, guys, I don't think they're letting us in to see Scabatha with what we got going on. Well, that also raises the other issue with our plan. We're on a time crunch, and there's someone at ahead of us. We either come up with something more important than one other meaningless thing they have, or we have to deal with them.

What if we just asked this guy to use the bathroom or something? He lets us in. I was like, hey, we're scabbers of the bathroom. All four of us at the same time. What's you gonna think, get it? How's he gonna stop us? That was exactly my... Oh God. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. And I'm, like, trying to walk with it as my head starts to go.

And I hit the go, oh. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna stay down here, guys, until this wears off. Imagine being misproportioned. So anyway, uh... I'm gonna go see there's any lady goblins. All of my jokes are suddenly funny. You know?

We've completely lost them. This is awful. Oh, my God. Grico is a monster now. It's a pretty good thing. Yeah, he had Yorcas. Torbick and Torbick could act like this when he was that tall. In fact, Torbeck is taller than Grico, even bigger than normal, Grico.

I don't think it has the same effect, Torbeck. I'm sorry to say. Okay. Maybe to hit the gym and got a head cut. You know, you can try that. Noted. Look, I think that's a good point. We don't have to fucking kill the guy, but we can say,

hey, what if the person that is in front of us happens to disappear? You know what I mean? Can we take a slot? Now, that's what Torbba was. Torbber was not insinuating to kill anyone. I don't know. You were pretty grim when you said it. You said, what if he just doesn't show up?

Yeah. Just, Torbeck's facing points. You know, Torbeck's just like, well, you know, what if we had to deal with that? That's just torment. No, that's like, let's kill a guy. No, just the other day I was like, do you want pancakes or walnuts? That's just torment.

No, you didn't say like that? Tell us to kill those guys? No, I was talking about breakfast. What the hell, man? You know, like, what do you want fries with that? That was it, too? There are like three dead mushroom people back there. What?

I thought you meant kill them. Oh, no. Look, you gotta be careful about your inflection, all right? This is embarrassing. It really is. For you, not for me. I mean, I do this thing all the time. All right, maybe we'll just hang out until this all wears off.

And then we'll go back and talk to, what's his name? Chuck. I'm walking up to Chuck. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, this is good. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's not a good at all.

I'm telling you, I don't want to hear it. I'm gonna be dead in a month anyway. It doesn't, you hear that? Oh, God, is that that worm thing in the foresting? Oh, it's worse. Have you been- My little Rocky talk with all the numbers I've got. Congratulations.

You shelf, phone. Things Grickler's trying to say is that he's currently a high value man. It's not gonna last long, so you know, he turns his Rocky Talkie around to you and you see that it's a match. Beak, you're just foaming at the mouth and I think crab talk. I don't remember what I mean.

I think I think I think I'm crabbed and I think Pokemon. Yeah, yeah, I have. All I thought was crab talk. That's really funny. Unless anyone has any, Anyone has any other ideas? Oh, I can talk. I had to get all that candy was stuck

in the back of me fro. Oh God, I hope that was camping. Did you actually want something to do with me or you just coming to show that we matched? It's probably a bug. It most certainly was a bug. Here if you need me. All right, get you, help me up.

All right man, come on. Oh wait, hold on, I forgot. Hold on. Oh, God. Come on up, man. You came on the sides of my head. Right. Right.

Straight up, all right. God, it's all greasy. Oh. Did it work on my skin too? It did, yeah. Oh, no. No, your skin looks. Just on your skin, it looks like,

it looks whiteish in color. It feels like, it's kind of crackling, crusty, sort of feels like. I've never seen anything like that before day in my life. I don't know where that's coming from. Alright, well let's get this over. It's a lucky in here.

Oh gosh, where's frosty? I need a shoveling in a locker. What a nerd. Hey Chuck. Yeah. You've all been having a good time. How have you? Oh, is there a...

Oh, my shirt too. Oh, God. Is there a wait list of some kind for today's appointment? Oh, no, I ain't sure there is an appointment today. As I said, Scabatha is not in residence currently. She is in Yom. And she should be arriving back tonight.

Should all things proceed as plan? But her sister can be quite a hot ticket. And is that the word for it? I don't know. Shut up. They're not judging me about it, all right? I ground by both of his shoulders. All right, well, those stains aren't coming out.

Well, Chuck, I mean, what time tonight, buddy? I mean, really, who knows? I can't get this stuff out of my hands. You don't have to rope down my chest. Well, I'm just trying to sum on my hands, all right. You know what I'm gonna be dead in 30 days anyway. Oh, three days? 30.

Oh, 30. She's so good. Look. Look, if you had important business, I could send her a message and let her know what it was and she could choose to come back early. What about, uh, wait, can you give us one more minute? All right, man. I'm never gonna be able to clean his jumper.

And he sits back down and he watches, he tries to flake the crossaway. Farrs. Oh, man, just lie on your back or something, just lie in your back, talk straight up. Guys, they offer, not only do they offer me a job, they said they'd immediately promote me. Who?

The goblin's here at the market. Oh my God. What do you? don't pay anybody. I know. That was what we're so weird. This is amazing. Look, I don't think he looks that

attractive. I mean, what the fuck's going on? I'm not seeing? I don't know. I don't think he looks attractive at all. It's maybe a little bit taller, but it's hard to tell. It's all down with your beer. After it gets my energy.

Look, if Scabith is not even here, do we even need to have a meeting with her? Could we just go in and, like, you know, take care of everything. Maybe not. Maybe we can. Maybe Gideon's bathroom place is not a bad one. There's no reason not to just do what we're going to do. It's going to make it easier.

I mean, it's not showing up until tonight. I mean, the place is empty. Well, except for the toy soldiers, the child laborers, and possibly establishes' henchmen. But yeah, other than that, all clear. Yeah, they're basically empty. Well, let's tell them we got to use the bathroom,

and it's an emergency. He's got to let us in there. That always works. Yeah, I'm sure they got fosha laws around here or something. You know, they get denied the bathroom. After everything at the treehouse, I think we're a little tapped out, actually. It's a ruse, Ricko, you know that. What if I just go up there and use my newfound powers to just like manipulate it?

That's fine, as long as you know, kick torment in the chest again, yeah. I mean, that was... I mean, that was pretty... It's kind of funny, yeah. And my eyes will open. They'll get light on me, oh my gosh, I get it. I just don't get too used to it, Greg. Oh, Torbeck knows these things never last.

I think this is permanent. I don't even take the foaming at the mouth. I don't care. He spits foam all over you. I'm completely soaked. So is Torbeck. Nothing gold can stay, goblin boy. Hey, Chuck.

Yeah. It's pretty cool, man. You know, maybe we should hang out later. Like, you know, the couple of us were gonna grab, like, drinks, like, maybe next week or something. You should totally come with. You know, I would, yeah, I would take you up. Yeah, yeah, well, that would be kind of fun when you like that a lot. Yeah, I would take you up on that offer.

Yeah, yeah, maybe sometime. Anyway, right now, we've really got to use the bathroom. Right now, we've really got to use the bathroom. All four, us. It's an emergency. Our tummy is. from the candy, which is a very delisitor, by the way. It is, they are in an upheaval, if you know what I mean.

So I'm saying, but you know, bro, we should totally hang out, like later, but like not right now, not soon, but like eventually, right, later. Yeah, sure. Right behind these stalls over here, you'll find the outhouses. Okay, thanks, bro. See around.

How does that help us? I do it. I'll do it. I go to the outhouses with him, and I'll over go for it. Like, we did it now what? Oh, we gotta get inside! Yeah, so I can't use the bathroom in an outhouse. I'll get anxiety on account of all the noises.

So we really need a private space inside. You understand, bro. Tell them you deserve it. It's your birthright. It's my birthday, actually. actually. It's my birthday. Dude, we're gonna go to Cheerleys later. It's my birthday.

And so you can come to my after-party birthday. It's more of a talk crew for the main event. You know what I mean? You know how it is. But totally later, bro. I like expected me. You see you look. little bit sad yeah unless I get this fixed I don't make it to my next birthday so I

understand the importance of wanting to be able to celebrate on your special day and making it and no wonder you had so much candy that makes a lot of sense look you've got a lot of impending dude fella you really think you're gonna die I know I'm gonna die why what makes you think that because I was cursed with this candy apple head and the beast within that is feeding upon my cerebellum as we speak. I will not have brain left by the time my next birthday rolls around. Do you need help with that? Yeah.

What if we like, what if we took care of that for you about? What if we just killed the beast eating your head if it actually exists? I don't know if you could. Is it removable? Torbeck has long fingers, like weirdly long. Once he gets him up your nose, I mean, he can go anywhere. Is there an entry hole or is it just like,

and like spawned in your head. I don't know how he got in there, he got in there one night while I was sleeping shortly after this all happened. Is there, uh, as your head like, maybe, really investigate? I'm just like kind of caught it out. I mean, I would prefer if you don't.

I will bleed candy sauce from my wounds and it will be painful. How about this? Let me take a look. I could die early. And if we can help you out, get rid of the beast inside your head. Did you let us inside and you?

the bathrooms out next to the Paula. I was gonna do that regardless, but if you want to help me as well, okay? So- I will accept it. I would like to make it to my next, my next birthday if it's possible. Could you also maybe- I would invite you if you wanted to come? Yeah, we're busy to.

No, I'm busy at that day. We never know. We might maybe. We got to go. We got to Chicago. We would love to come to your birthday. We would love to. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You guys said the same thing about Torbeck's birthday and then didn't show on. No, that was a long time ago. And I don't even think that's true, weren't we had that one? No, Torbeck heard this exact same things almost 10 years ago. No, we were there. By the punch bowl and, yeah, yeah, that was a good birthday.

There was no punch at Torbeck's birthday. because Dorebeck couldn't afford punch. What did you have? Nothing. Dirty swamp water. Oh. We had like a bottle of wood alcohol. And dysentery.

Maybe like soap. Yeah, we had something. Are you sure it was dysentery and you just didn't have Taco Bell cater your birthday? Dorettes not sure. Doorbeck's very sure he had no money and catering was not an option. That much Torbeck is sure. Anyway,

we'll help you. Well, no, I think your first birthday is part of the team. I think I went down to the grocery store and got one of those shitty cakes. No, no. I remember we sent him.

Oh, that's right. And we said that we were busy. But really, he started to funny. And you said, Torbett's so late that by the time Torbett got there, they didn't have any gait slams! Oh, that's right. I mean, oh, that's right.

It's the thought that counts, though, isn't it? I could have sworn we did a terrible birthday. Oh, that was Chuckles' birthday. Yeah, that was... Oh, yeah. That was also the day you killed him. Oh, we killed him on a bird bag? Oh, yeah.

Well, at least, that's probably when you punched him, and then he lingered for a while. Yeah, yeah. On the grass. Yeah. The other guy wants me, I mean, on his birthday, that was really insensitive. Yeah.

I didn't intend to. Yeah. Anyways. No, that's not what happened. Anyway, bro. Will. The gaslight us. That's right.

Anyway, bro. Yeah, we absolutely will. Do you need, like, someone that hypothetically turn into, like, a cartoonish termite and climb inside your head and fight to the death with a worm? No, I'd have really, what I would like is to not have this candy apple head to begin with. Oh.

Let me see if I can take care of that for you. Well, maybe we should start by asking how you got turned into that. Who did it? Well, I think we've already talked about this a little bit. I'm not comfortable saying names. I'm no snitch. I may be a bitch, but I ain't. no snitch.

My mom always said to me. Bam. Weird thing that is to me. But what I will say is I might, I might have been cursed. I might have made a mistake. I might have tried to pull the wool over someone's eyes. I might have thought I was smarter than I really am. And I paid the price for it.

How long ago this all that's all that? Sick, sick, all right, all right. Sick. It's been a while. It's been a while. Why do you think you got 30 days left now? Well, because that's what this little guy's telling me. He's been counting down the days since the day that he got into my head

and started eating away at my cerebellis. That's one is for fucking. Really dark. This guy listens to death metal. Yeah. That's, oh. Sarah Bellum is a good bandage to you next. That's rough, bro.

That's rough, bro. Wait, is he all, like, is the numbers descended, or is he always saying 30? Every day I wake up, and he just said 29. Oh, well. Well, I mean, that's a good idea. What if Grick O'Hie could turn into a little termite and eat his way into your head?

Well, that may be possible, but... I think he's part of my curse. Oh. Okay. Another one we're replacing. There always has to be one. Oh. Of course.

Well, whatever it becomes the curse. I don't want to Davey Jones this, Skiddy. Let's not. Let's not curse me. Would you like to have a candy after that? No, no, no, no. Well, if he becomes the curse and you give him one day with us every year.

No, no, no, no. Dormack has a feeling that the person who will not be named is probably pretty powerful. Do you think you can overdo that? No, I just checked. That don't got anything to help them. I'm like I try to kill the worm, but it sounds like that won't help. How do we break the codes?

What have you done wrong? I told you. I tried to pull the wool over someone's eyes. Whose eyes? What makes it wrong? I told you. I can't tell you. Do you listen?

Well, maybe this will end up being. I'm sorry. I'm getting out of sorts. I just heard 29. That's one more day gone. That's what I doork. I did not say that. I did not say that was working not come out of my mouth.

Everybody is accusing you and saying that. I never said that. I never said that. Maybe this will end up being two penguins, one banana hammock situation. We can help him now. Why don't we know what we do we already have to do? Oh, a what? I cannot let you inside Loon Lurch if you have any nefarious designs on the

justice. No, we're gonna go look for the bathroom. So anyway, bro, we'll chill at your birthday party. We're gonna get lit. It'll be sick, bro. If you can do nothing to fix my head, there will be no birthday party this year for Chuck. Not until, I think, level seven.

Well, Torbeck is confident. We will try it out. But Torbeck is also confident that these three individuals will not be coming to your birthday party. Whoa. It is not cool, bro. No, no.

But we'll do what we can to help out your curse situation. No, it's gonna be, it's gonna be cool. We'll go to Smashville, running Airbnb, get Cowboy Hots. It'll be sick, bro. I don't know what any of that means. Is Smashville and Hither?

Yeah. I ain't never been there. I hear it's real pretty though. It's got a lot of swamps. I like swamps. Sick, yeah, yeah. Sick, sick, yeah. Sick, bro, yeah.

We'll do that. That's where we'll get cowboy hats. And it'll be really, really rad. They ain't prepared for a friend group like ours. I've never seen a group like ours. I don't know if it's true that we will do those things. Oh, it really is. I see. I will hope that I've got more than 29 days that you'll come through for old Chuck. And I just got to say y'all don't realize how lucky you are to have friends like you do.

The way you reminisce about Torbeck's birthday and what lovely time it was that cake you were trying to get and those silly old pranks I ain't had friends like that in a long time.

It gets lonely out here, you know? When you have 29 days left, you have a lot of time to think to yourself about what your life could have been and should have been and why. And I just, I just want you to know you got something special. Don't forget that.

I mean, look at the two of you and love. I don't have you. I mean, you can just see it. Yeah, I mean, and Ricko and then Joe bed. You do have this special. Bro, we all love each other, bro. You don't find a, all the bros love each other.

You don't find a romance like that often. Like a bromance? Like a bromance. Yeah, romance and smash. The way your eyes connect and sparkle in the life. I've looked at him one time since we've been dogging his head. Yeah. Except that time I was holding his head.

Those subtle... Those subtle... Those subtle stolen lances when you think no one's looking. Yeah, so it's what homest do. That's what bros... Yeah, and it's beautiful. Anyway... Why are you scowling at me, you tiny thing?

Just... This brought up a lot of unhappy memories or doork back. Why do you say that, little one? Torbeck doesn't like to complain. But then Torbac got kicked in the chest. You come over here, and he pulls up a mushroom stool and pats it. Sit down. Sit down, you tell me back. You're waiting.

Dormack really shouldn't elaborate. Oh, he's going to elaborate. Oh, here we go. I sit down on the, I sit down on the mushrooms. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Didn't come to Torbay birthday. No, I do the same thing.

You know, sometimes when you love someone so much, you have to take space from them. And maybe they just couldn't be there that day because they were afraid of what it would do to you when they all had to leave and how sad it would make you. But, you know, once or twice, like, understandable, but 29 times.

We don't say the word. 29. Oh, Torbeck didn't know, Torbeck, no. It's all right, it was a mistake. It was a mistake, buddy. You know, this is getting awkward. We should go, guys. We should go.

Well, it's clear that you all love each other and that they love you too. Not as much as they love each other, but they do still love you at least a little bit. Mr. Grammy calls me a good old word. No, I don't. Don't. I call you an employee.

Oh, yeah, that's worse. It hurts worse, it hurts worse. You got another birthday come around this year. Yeah, maybe. Anyway, sucks, bro. Can you take it to the bathrooms, please? No, no, he doesn't have to come with us. We're gonna go for fun at our own and noon lunch.

That's what we do. We're gonna just wander on up. Yep, yep. And open the door without me. Oh, yeah, that's it. You got to sit. You got to sit. I mean, you're like watching.

I don't think anyone said they wanted to watch. Okay, good. I mean, I was just checking. I was just checking. Are you asking? No, no, no, no. I was just saying. Why aren't you smiling?

We just need, I'll just, it's all the foam in my, it looks like it's crusting all in my, it's also in the crust now, so it looks like a smile, but it's not. Well, I mean, it's the involuntary muscle response. candy do you all have? What?

How much candy did you all have? Torbay just eat one, you're about halfway through. Oh, God. Well, I have one, yeah, I had one two. It's about roughly an hour per piece. Oh, well. I had two pieces, the sharks and whatever.

The sharks are good. And the pops. Yeah. That was two. Oh, that's why I have two effects. Ah, I get it. Anyways, we should have. Yeah, all right, we'll follow me.

We'll go get you into the parlor. And this candy is so good, I'll give it a canned A. That's exactly what you were to say. That was very good. That was a Derek is over by a girl. I tried. I try. That was actually very Derek-ass.

Oh. It's about a candy, you know. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventras and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, Shroud Over Salt Marsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror toome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and roll. Thank you.

He jumps off of his stump and begins to make his way along the same path that you came in over. And you walk out of the Goblin Market over the root bridge that spans across the winding river at the front of Lund Lurch. And then around a small curve to another root bridge that leads directly to the tail end of this gigantic fallen oak tree. This is the portion that had been rooted into the ground and you can see the petrified roots that snake down from the entrance and buried deep into the earth here, almost creating like an arched entryway to this thing. And on the very base of it, you see a large arched wooden doorway. You watch as Chuck pulls out a huge iron key ring and begins to flipping through them until he gets to one that's shaped, that's very long and the base of it

is shaped like a rocking horse. He sticks it into the lock, twists it, and takes the large iron handle, and heaves it over and pulls the door open. You're immediately hit with the sense of cinnamon and baked goods, the smells of sweets and candies that are clearly being made further into this place. And you see in very dim candlelit light what appears to be a small entryway, a small parlor.

He holds the door open for you. You can take a seat in here. I will alert pincush that you are here and that you have my permission to venture deeper and to loom lurch to the restrooms. She will be your guide.

And And it was nice meeting before you. It's been a pleasure, bro. Seriously. If I don't see you again, I wish you all the best. And you are second in line to meet with Skebatha, so I will let Pinguishen know that, and she'll tell you what to do from there.

Good luck with that thing. Thanks. If you think of any cures or anything, you know where to find. Mm-hmm. Termite death fight was all I had, so that's all I got. Sorry, bro. Yeah. Kill the worm.

Yeah. The extent of it. All right. Well, have a good night. And he bows to you and waits for you to make your way into loom lurch as he closes the door behind you and makes his way back towards the goblin market. This chamber is nestled between walls of twisted roots through gaps in which you can see the eerily beautiful woodland surrounding you. A closed wooden door stands opposite the root bridge. that leads into this room, in the center of which are four armchairs encircling a small table

laid out for a tea service. A painted wooden box three feet on each side rests in a corner. A crank protrudes from one side of it, causing it to resemble an oversized jack in the box. You look around expecting to see someone else. You'd been told that there was someone here waiting to meet Scabatha. You appear to be alone in this room. There is a fresh tea service sitting on this small table. There are four cups that are filled with steaming hot liquid. There is a towering tray filled with delicacies of all kinds. It's very clear that this is where that pastry baked goods scent had come from. There are, there's a small hearth in the corner that's helping to illuminate the room and keep its warmth radiating in here. And there are all kinds of

of different paintings and shadow boxes and other things lining the walls. But unlike Bavlornah's home, these are all of different knitted pieces and sewn pieces. You see bits of quilts. You see a shadow box filled with a varying array of buttons. You see a small doll sitting on a shelf.

Hello? Anybody here? Gotta do. Huh. Doesn't look like anybody's around? Didn't he say he was gonna go get pincushion or something? No, that we were after pincushion,

that pincushion was gonna be here waiting. No, he said that he was gonna call pincushion and she would come and escort you through Loonlurch. Oh, should we have to zip away? That might raise suspicion. Wait, but someone was supposed to be waiting here, right? Well, maybe. Maybe. But who knows if that person was gonna sit here

until Scamatha came back. Scamatha's good, bro. We're just waiting for pincushions so they know we have permission to use the bathroom. Yeah, I mean, all they said was, we were second in line, but she wouldn't come back till tonight anyway. So I mean, that meeting might not.

You hear the sound of pattering from behind this door that goes further into Loon Lodge. It's this very soft tap. Oh. What's that? This bang goes? I guess so. I'm gonna really just focus.

Where's that coming from? I'm trying to feel where it's coming from. The other side of the door. Other side of the door like we knew already. Thanks for confirming, though. Hold on. Let's tag back. Maybe.

All right. This tea for us. You hear the pattering stop for a second. And then you hear. You are looking for the bathroom. Our buddy here really needs to use the bathroom. Don't tell him the Torbett has to go. That's embarrassing.

And really has to use bathroom. Torbett thought we were in this together. Big Brown has to use a bathroom. Why are you talking like me? Suddenly to do the door. I'm, well, such a heavy. My name's Gideon Cole. Hey, wait a second.

That's my name. And if anything bad happens for talking to you, that's, you shouldn't be punished. Oh, man. You're gonna get out to Jack Wagon. That's pretty good. I'm telling him that Torbeck has to use a bathroom. This is going to run right to your head.

My buddy Torbeck has to use a bathroom. Oh, say he has a small bladder. He's a small bladder. He's a small bladder. Look at Tony. He's a little fella. I mean, he's a little brown now. He's a little brown, look out of talking.

You hear the pattering start again. He's little brown, he's got to make a big brown. Say it. Hey, don't say that. See that. Little brown's got to make a big brown. No, it's not true. You hear the pattering starting,

and actually through all the noise you're making, you probably don't. But eventually you hear the creaking sound of the door opening and you all look out, expecting to see someone standing there. And you see literally, literally nothing, or if you see no person standing there, what you do see is flickering lanterns that illuminate a cluttered workshop filled with soft, ambient music

produced by bells and shimes. Parts of toys are heaped on the tables, leering dolls heads, half-built rocking horses, unpainted wooden balls, and the stuffed limbs of soft toys. A stove at the back of the room holds a saucepan of smelting metal. Three doors exit the workshop and two storefront windows overlook the market outside.

Three young children are gathered around a wooden work table. The eldest, a drow boy, prances on the tabletop with a bar of soap in one hand, while a halfling girl and a human girl giggle at his audacity. And you watch as this plays out. And then you hear, Excuse me, I'm down here. Pay attention to me. Hello? Hello?

And you look down and you see about one foot tall, a small rag doll. She has, pins sticking out of different parts of her body. And she is wearing a dress that is clearly quilted together. Her hair is made of yarn and her eyes are buttons. And she looks up at all of you as she waves her arms at you. Well, if you have to use the bathroom, I'm more than happy to take you, but we must make haste.

Okay. Okay. All right, don't touch anything, and you don't touch anything, and you don't stop until we get there. All right, thank you. For leading the way. Oh, I'm pincushion, by the way. And she curtsies in front of you.

Oh. Nice to meet you. Yeah, nice to meet you. Doorbag is usually twice as tall as this. She reaches out and grabs your hand and you shake it. Her hand feels very light and as you hold onto it, it squishes, you can tell that it's clearly filled

with some sort of fluff or fabric scraps. Oh, that's what you're really. you see that her jointing is done with these small pins so that her arm and her wrists can move individually. Her fingers all seem to be jointed in some way. And as you shake her arm, it flops a little bit and she giggles. You've quite the strong grip.

Oh, yeah. Sorry about all the stains, by the way. Oh, no, I'm never going to get these out. Well, I just gotta get some bad. Stop. Well, I don't know, man. It's just polite. I thought it was polite.

We're meeting somebody know. My sugar hand. This guy's always talking about the bathroom and like browns and stuff. He's a freak. Sorry about it. This guy's a freak. You're the tallest goblin I've ever seen and I'm going to need new hands. He's a bully and he's not the tallest goblin you've ever seen.

Oh my gosh, I've never seen a cat of bleppis in the flesh before. Oh, what? A cataplepus. What did you call dormant? Depending on where you're from, a cateoblopos. Oh, wow. We really gotta use the bathroom.

Thank you, pincush. For leading the way. And hopefully the name's just a euphemism and not literal. She looks down and she pulls a pin out of her chest. I'm a pincushion, you see. And that doesn't hurt? Oh, no, not at all.

I'm filled with stuffing. And she pokes herself. Oh, no, promise it doesn't hurt at all. I made a fluff. and fabric stuff, and she puts the pin back. We all have a lot in life. Anyway, lead the way, please. Thank you.

Okay, all right. We're going to head deeper in. It's just around the bend. All right. And you walk forward through the workshop. Do the kids look familiar? Do they look like the three that were taken? The described by the getaway gang.

One of them does. The little boy does. I'll make a note of that in my brain. And as you walk by the workshop, you hear her go, excuse me, you three have work to do. Don't make me tell Granny Nightshade, you've been fooling around. And you hear, the little boy turns and looks towards her. We've been working so hard though.

I know you have. But Granny Nightshade will be back in a few hours and you don't want to find you don't want to find you slacking. Oh, just tell her we've worked really hard today. Don't tell her about this old caping cushion. All right, but only if you leave me some buttons by the door. You know we will. Okay then, little scamps, come on.

And she scurries towards the door. This is morally dubious. Oh, my God. Don't tell anyone that you saw that, all right? I can't help it to have a soft spot for the children. They always put me back on the shelf when I fall off. Oh, yeah. Anyway, through this door.

Oh. You don't mind the, don't mind the bubbles. You make your way through this workshop. It is a long workshop. It takes up probably about an entire quarter of the fallen length of Lume Lurch. Wow.

This is clearly the largest section of this place, you would imagine. As you make your way into a circular room, walking in, it's incredibly dark at first, but as your eyes adjust, you see ten brightly painted structures resembling little wooden houses, lining the walls of this room. Each small house has a three-foot-high hinge door. Four of the doors are open, and the other six are closed. A narrow staircase ascends the circular wall. Near the foot of the stairs is a painted wooden door. box three feet on each side. The crank protrudes from one side of it,

causing it to resemble an oversized jack in the box. Huh. As you begin to walk through this room, you hear a gasp come from pincushion. She looks around and pushes you into spots between these little houses, pushing each one of you. Shh, be silent.

The beat of a drum erupts from out of nowhere, from out of the woodwork, as all six small doors spring open at once. A troop of cask-shaped tin soldiers marches into view. A drum waddles behind one of them on stocky legs striking itself with a pair of tiny drumstick arms. As it beats

the drums, you watch as all six of them are called to arms. They march towards the center of the room. They all move around, but their heads stay looking in one place, is they turn towards the door you just left from and march out in a single file line.

Pincushion waits until silence has befallen in this room. I completely forgot it was time for the changing of the gods. If they had seen you, oh, you're not supposed to be in here. Oh, well, I thought we were given permission. Well, you were given permission in a way, but if Granny Knightshade knew that there was anyone she did not know and did not allow to wander around inside this place, we would all be in so much trouble, and you the most so.

The guards only listen to her, not to me and not to Chuck. Oh, all right, so we'll keep an eye out. Well, thank you for that. Now that the guards changed, are we in the clear? Yes, for the time being, but you must be careful. Their music is incredibly powerful. They can stop you and your tracks paralyze you, charm you, deafen you, frighten you, petrify you, even poison you,

with their music. Wow. That's impressive. But they are quite cute. Like a random D8 kind of thing? Or is it gonna choose? They're so cute, I'm going to show you what they look like.

Oh. They're little chubby toy soldiers. They're little, they're little, stripy pants. All right. Well, I really gotta use the bathroom. Yes, yes, yes, I'm so sorry. All right, let's see here.

Where do we go to next? We're going to go, yes, into the next room. And she opens the door on the opposite side, and you see that there's a small hallway that clearly leads to some sort of pantry. You imagine you're getting closer to where the candy's being made. And off to the side, there's a small door,

and she opens the door and inside you see what is clearly a very small restroom. Well, thanks, we'll see you around. This is that'll wait right here. Oh. Oh. It's a one-person ordeal, so. We could really use some privacy.

Yeah. Oh, yes, I'm not going in there with you. I'm just going to stay outside with those who are. Even in his shot, I would just, you can go on. And once he gets started, you don't want to be in the vicinity. Yeah. It might be a while. Yeah, that big bowl of stroking off our way.

That may be the case, but unfortunately, I can't leave you alone inside of Lomelage. Oh. All right, Torbeck, go on. I promise I won't judge. You had to go the worst. Torbeg has to go first? Yeah, yeah.

Your littleest fellow goes first, is what I say. What if Torbeck is too shy? It's like an audience, the crowd watching. Torbeck knows you're all outside the door. No plug our ears, don't worry. You're not gonna. Then you're gonna make fun of Torbeck later. And that's not what we would ever do.

It's just a risk we're going to have to take. We wouldn't need this moment to do that. Yeah. Oh, Torbeck, Torbeck loves. Then while Torbeck is in there, the rest of Torbeck's friends think about things. And he eyes them up. Very severely as he moves, he steps backwards into the restroom. And he shuts the door, maintaining eye contact

with all three of his friends. Oh, he's a fausty little guy, isn't he? He's a fast little guy. You find yourself inside of this small little bathroom. There is a lamp on the wall that is filled with fireflies. That the moment you shut the door, they begin to buzz and illuminate and fill the room with a soft light and you are doing whatever I choose to do. Torbeck is going to sit on the toilet and just sit there and try to like buy time and think about

how long he can sit there in this bathroom reasonably before it's like absolutely ridiculous. but to try to give the rest of the guys time to like think of something or do something, you know, just to buy as much time as possible. Yep, you're free to do that. Pin cushion, after seeing you go in, I mean, you can't see this, but she flops down onto the ground.

Her soft fabric legs spread out in front of her. As she picks up the hem of her dress in one of the needles, you see as she threads it with a piece of yarn from her hair. and she begins to sew on a new patch to her dress as she giggles and sings to herself. She is there with you, but she's not watching you hyper closely. You imagine if you tried to rush off and go somewhere else, she would notice, but she's not, she's trying to give you privacy.

Last thing I'll say is within two minutes of me entering the bathroom, from the bathroom, you'll start to very softly hear. Torbank is Mary Mustard. It's very clearly like humming to itself while he's on the toilet. Perfect. Well, I think of Gushin, I appreciate you. My next row, so I'm gonna lay out my bag. We're gonna be here a while, so I get down on the grounds.

Your head is quite large and bears into your body. It's not always this way, but I think I got another 20 minutes. I think I got it up 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah. If you got some way to help. I don't, sadly. But time will help. If you ate candy, right as you showed up at the goblin market,

you have maybe 10 minutes left. All right, well, he'll be a lot longer for 10 minutes, so I'm just gonna lay down. And the heart finger will stay, right? Tell me, that's gonna be stay. I'm sorry, what? You know, me being so ruggedously tall. Well, your tonest... My inside energy finally being presented on the outside.

You are tall in comparison to a goblin, yes? Oh, yeah, obviously. I'm like six full. Yes, and you row for UC Davis. I rode for UC Davis, actually. Yeah, I was looking at your shirt. You couldn't help my rent, I understand. Oh, no, you're not really my type. I know, I'm just being nice.

Can you believe this? Look, Pink Ocean, you're taking a lot of risks just to wait for us to go to the bathroom. I mean, what happens if you get caught? Oh, I'll be deconstructed. Oh, my God. Look. Look. We remember how you brought us in here.

Why don't you go on and get back on your shelf wherever you're supposed to be? And we can find our way out of this place once we're done. Well, if I'm deconstructed, I can be put it back together. But if I let you wander around, under this place and something were to happen, and Granny Nightshade would find out it'd be far worse than deconstructed. Oh.

I would be turned into mulch and used as stuffing and other toys, never to be put back together again. Well, no, it's all good. I mean, Granny Nightshade knows we're here, we're second in line to meet her. Yeah, nothing bad's gonna happen. You're not gonna get punished

by the cruel working conditions of this place. They need to be able to find you right, and like grab you to deconstruct you, right? There's not some sort of like remote magic where they can just wave their hands and wherever you are get horribly mutilated. Not that I know of, the granny nightshade's very powerful,

so it's possible for sure. Probably not. But maybe. Well. Yes. Well. Could I ask you to do one little favor for me? You could ask and I'll do my best.

Would you kindly not? I make a peep and lay lifeless as if you were a real regular dog. Are you really trying to charm me right now? No. Not at all. Maybe it was some saving throat. She could be charmed. Oh, that's not going to work on me. I don't know what you mean.

I'm just, if you could just give us some silence as Tollbeck goes to the bathroom. I really don't appreciate that. That was not nice. Look, I'm trying to make it. make sure that you don't get hurt as all. And I figured if we just scoop you up and put you in our pocket, you're not under any risk and you'll stay nice and safe.

And don't you think you could have told me that instead of trying to lie to me and force me to do your will? I could have. I'm not really my style, but I'm not really my style. Yeah, where's the fun of that? I mean, here's the thing. I'll level with you. We just really need some privacy, and I really need some privacy,

and I really need some privacy. I don't think once it's my turn, I don't think I'm gonna be able to go unless you're either gone or hidden away in a little pocket. So here is the thing. I cared for a while. Now I don't care so much whether you're comfortable or not. Oh, that's fair.

You know, I wouldn't knock you on that at all. We're just random strangers. Kivian. You think it's time for pancakes and waffles? You should have grabbed the tea candies. The tea candies? What do you mean the tea candies? There were tea candies out there?

In the goblin market? Take it. Take the tea candies? Yep. Take them wearing here. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm cool. I wrote for UC Davis.

It is about this time that your head shrinks. Your height returns. Your height returns. You feel you. Feel your body pressing against the walls of this bathroom, which is significantly too small for you now. As Grico, you shrink, your mouth's still frothing, but you lose all of your height.

Now you're a tiny frothing goblin. From inside the bathroom you just hear, Yes! Then the door, Torbeck takes one step out, takes two steps out, stands up to his full over seven foot height, and leans over his full, Gricko.

Torbeck told you this wouldn't last forever. Torbeck your pants. Sorry. Thank you, Gideon. But the point stands, Gricko. Torbeck's not going to

take revenge now. Torbeck might not even take revenge tomorrow. But it's At some point, doorback's gonna get you back. Also, the bathroom is free. Okay, I'll be on my back, sorry, I was holding it in.

I feel like something has left me. Now you're three, two, and you? You're on debate club, Robway Community College. That's gotta be depressing. Oh, wait, but Goblin Tiffany said she wanted to, Oh, they all unmatched. Goldman Channel, she said, oh, her grandmother died. If you'll excuse me, I'll be brought back.

And I'll go into the bathroom and in the silence of here. I sit there and I cry in the bathroom. Everybody do. Yep, yep, yeah, mm, mm, mm, mm, just waiting for Grego to be done. Then the kids turn. Are there other exciting things going on in LUM? Bathroom, your friend tried to compel me to do your bidding.

You have no evidence of that. What? Which friend? Crocodile. No, excuse me. Oh, cranny? I don't look anything like a crocodile, I have you know. I'm an alligator.

Ew. I'm about having enough of this gear. It totally doesn't sound like crammy at all. He would never do that. Are you lying to me? Not going back would now. I don't understand why this keeps happening. Why one keeps happening?

Always try to lie and sneak and cheat. even someone very close to this place does the same okay Dormack will come clean it was in

Cremie's nature but he can't help himself truly Why not does he under a curse that he must always lie and sneak and cheat From a certain

point of view kind of But yeah. He quite literally can't help himself. And Torbeck just kinda gets swept up in it. And it's like this moving current. And Torbeck is sorry. Torbeck shouldn't have tried to lie.

Well, I appreciate your apology. That's very nice. Can a man magically charm someone for eight hours with privacy going into the bathroom? Is there too much to ask? Let's not pretend here. Didn't seem like too much to ask. That you want to be in this place to use the bathroom.

Well, how do you know? Because you tried to convince me to leave you alone here. Well, I try to convince you to flop down like a regular old pincushion doll. That's all I said. I didn't say I was gonna leave here. Unless you know something I don't.

If you had no reason to be deceitful, you would not try to be. be deceitful. Oh, that's not true. We never really any reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the case, then I don't know how I possibly work with the four of you. Well, have you ever just tried being kind to someone? D'Orbeck does. Have you ever tried telling the truth and just asking for what you mean?

Doreback does. Everybody knows kind guys finished last. No, I haven't tried it. No, no, that sounds like for Lamos. Yeah. Yeah. I'm hungry right now. Tom a doll, and I don't have emotions that last. So don't have a heart or anything.

Oh. So they're fleeting. Right now I'm simply confused. What do you want here? What are you trying to gain here? And you know who, who, who, who, who are you trying to gain here? And you know who, who, who, who, who are you, who are you trying to gain? You are throwing in the line of fire for whatever it is.

Chuck let you in here. And if whatever you're trying to do goes awry, I know he only has 30 days left to live. 29. Oh no, another day tick down. Yeah. I mean, if he's in the line of fire, that seems like, I mean, I don't know

that we need to be worried about that. Dead man walking. Yeah, man, that's like easy. Yeah. I just hope that his final 29 days are worth living for, that they're not ruined or cut short, but whatever you're trying to do. And I myself may be just a doll, but I'm still me. I still have a life. And if I'm not here to protect these children, who's going to be?

Okay. Honest truth. Hmm. We heard that Scamitha wasn't going to be back until tonight. That's true. And for walking appointments, there was some... someone before us. We thought by using the bathroom,

we could scope out the situation and deal with them. You wanted to kill the poor old lady that was here trying to resurrect her husband? What? No! We were gonna see it, maybe we can have to go first. So why did you say it in such a malevoling way? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, we're on the same page. Yeah, I look, I told you. Is there a reason you put your hand at your waist and started to rub your thumb against your blade? Watch of what you just said. That doesn't make any sense to Dorebeck. And then you didn't... I didn't remember any of that.

And then he did this and witnessed it. He is just Dorebeck's face. They drew a skull and crossbones in the ground. The way is that that's the truth. Oh. She was put where Scabbatha wanted her to be put for the time being. So there's no one currently in line to see her. Oh my God, six feet under.

From a certain point. Oh my God. What? What the hell? Why do you want to see Granny Nightshade? I understand why the lady wanted to see her. What happened to her was horrible. and the pain of a lost love can drive someone to do maddening things and I do

understand why someone would come and beseech Granny Nightshade for her magics but it never works out in the end what could you possibly be desperate enough to need oh mr. Grammy has information he's good like that secrets and whatnot I want to make a deal with with Granny Nightshade yeah I mean she's a powerful hag that rules over this land, and I'm a businessman. And I got some, something she may want. What is it?

It's information. About what? If I told you, then you'd have it. Yes, that's true. But the only way you'll get into Granny Nightshade is through me. It's about her sisters. Oh, unless you have the head of her sister, I don't think she's going to care all.

that much. Well, that's the thing. If we have a way to take care of them, perhaps we could offer our services about that. Yes, perhaps. And so, if we have an end with one of her other

sisters, we can head on over to Heather and do a job. I think she'd be mighty amenable to that. Isn't she might? I'm not sure. I'm not if that's going to be enough for her to want to see you

after traveling to see one of her sisters presently. I don't think you understand what she's doing right now. She's with Endelin, which means when she returns, she's going to be furious, angry, tumultuous. Her emotions are going to be quite unruly.

Information about, you say hither, so you must mean Bevlon I don't know if that will quell the rampaging emotion she's going to feel. You had something that you could provide her presently. It could help calm her. It could open the door to a more amicable conversation. But maybe then she would want to talk about Bavlona.

What's she looking for? How am I to know? Well, don't you know her super well? I know she hates her sisters. She hates Will of the Fayewell, and she hates... children. What does she like? To sew, to create? Well, uh, I have this all that I stole from the sister. Would that give a pleasure to know that, uh, she could sew, make holes with this thing that once belonged to her? Oh, I'm sure it would. I don't think it's going to do what she wanted to.

And well, I got these, and I'll pull out the two, like, uh, burlap dolls that. of Granny Nightshade and Endelen that we found. Oh, look at those. Those are quaint. Also stole these. So you're big on deception in stealing. Yeah, like I said, it's kind of my thing. I do appreciate that you're providing some honesty,

even if it took a bit of work to get you there. I'm trying to help you. I truly am. Well, give us some ideas. I have. I've told you what she hates, but you keep saying the same thing. I can provide things her sisters used to own. And that, I'm sorry, it's just not enough.

Well, she hates what? She hates her. What was her plan? What was you supposed to, like, talk to her in a Hebrew? So you're supposed to distract her so that the children outside could be rescued. She's not even here to be distracted, so you could imagine the children outside being rescued.

that plan's probably going off without a hitch. Your job was to rescue the children inside and to get the portraits. And the portraits. And or. And if we can't get the portrait at this point, who cares? I'll come out of the bathroom.

There's some cry, baby, cry it all over the place. You haven't got any allergy meds? I'm allergic to, I'm allergic to something. stuff in here, I don't know. You're probably allergic to being a bully. I'm stuffed with wool, so it's possible you're allergic to war. Oh, yeah, that's probably what it is. How unfortunate.

Anyways, why don't we talk to the kids? Are you the taskmaster? Are you the pit boss of all the children? Well, from a certain point of view. Yeah. Can we borrow them? No, of course. Not. What you're done using the restroom, you must go back to the parlor. Well, I still need to go.

So, I'll go on this. I'll open the door. It's covered in tears. Oh. There are wads of, it's balmy. It's, it's, it's, it's, you. The barometric pressure is. The mirror is foggy.

and there are snotty towels all over the floor. It smells like the sea. Some little bitch. If there's a sink in there, I will take my coat and I will just try to like, I'll just spend my time and you're trying to scrub the stains out. It's still there. It's been past an hour and you find it very easy

to remove these stains. They basically flake off. Oh, geez. Oh, you know, that's a fucking Pennsylvania. So, now that your deceitful friend is in the restroom and no longer trying to pull the wool over my eyes, that's a joke because I'm made of wool, well, the insides of me off. Very clever.

What have you been doing since you've come to thither? You know, we've just been getting killed by the Jabber Walk. What? You've seen the journal, you're? Oh, yeah. That's horrible. Yeah, it was awful, but it was really bad. That was pretty terrible.

That was pretty terrible. Yeah, we're not killed by the town of walk. It was so scary. We almost died of heart attacks. No, I think we literally got. No, we literally got killed by a job. They're hailed on a tree. Yeah, he's been gone for two minutes.

That's so horrifying. You were able to make it out of that situation. That's so cool. What else have you done? Walked around and saw some things. We met the unicorn at a unicorn beach. Really? Yeah, we hung out at Unicorn Beach.

It's so awful what happened to her husband. Yeah, it was terrible. It was really sad. I really wish she's a ass unicorn. I really wish any nightshade would let him go. What? What? Yes.

Oh, where'd she let him go? Where is he? We could you see him? He's upstairs in the bedroom. What the heck? Right now? Right now? Yes. There's one for her up.

Okay, hold on. Technically a couple floors up. How many buttons do we have to give you to take Mr. Gramey to see this unicorn? Torbett cannot overstate how much he loves unicorns. Well, if your friend were as nice to me as you are and were willing to have polite and honest conversation, I've been more than willing to do more things for him.

Okay. It's not that he's not willing. Yes, it is. No, it's not. It's not about Will. It's a skill issue. He just doesn't have the ability to. He has such a pleasant voice though.

He's quite nice. Have you heard the tale of the frog and the scorpion? No. Well. Oh, here we go. Is Primmie the frog of the scorpion because he told me he was not a crocodile but an alligator, so I don't think he'd like

being called either one of those things. Allow me to regale you. The frog was chilling at Unicorn Beach. And was about to promote. and the scorpions comes up and says, what I do, how to do, Miss Frog Lady. So he's the Scorpion. Yes.

And he said, hey, can I hitch a ride across Unicorn Lake so I can get away from Unicorn Beach? My 10 is getting a little crispy. And Frog was like, whoa, that sounds pretty crazy because you'll sting me and then we'll both drown and die. And then the Scorpion's like, nah, I want to do, that's crazy. Would you kindly put me across? I would never do that.

Never do that. And the frog's like, well, whatever you say. So they both leave Unicorn Beats, the scorpion's chilling on the frogs back. And then shocker, twist of the century, the scorpion stings the frog. Why would the scorpion do that to the poor frog that was trying to help it?

And the frog is like, ah, what? Scorpion! Because you're sucking sudden and but inevitable betrayal. How could you? Well, both do. and then Alameo, said the scorpion, Alameo. And they both die.

And the moral of the story is that it was in the scorpion's nature to sting the frog. So it is Kremi's nature to lie. He can't help it. So I believing in the sanctity of nature and beastie. being a druid or something, must accept Kremi for who he is, lies and all, even though he gives us in a lot of trouble.

Well, I'm not sure how I feel about the scorpion killing the poor frog, but I do understand accepting things for the way that they are, like your big, hairy, smelly friend. It's so sweet that you accept him for the way he is when so many would not be around him, with the swirling stench.

Yeah, exactly. And the other people are so many terrible things about Cotoblopas. And it's so nice to see that you've befriended one and you've even domesticated him. It's a bug bear, not a cat of pee something. We have definitely not domesticated him. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't, my apologies, my apologies. I really appreciate the conversation that we're having. It's nice getting to know you. It makes me feel kind of. towards you. Yeah, I mean, so I feel like we could be best chums. So what else have you done while you've been in thither? You know, there was a walrus.

We met an old lady. Uh, we, what else we do? Was that an hourglass thing in thither or not? That was something else. Oh, that wasn't in there? We met some singing mushrooms. Mr. Grimmy, Mr. Grimmy! Mr. Grimmy!

You're almost done in there? What? And then we met. some coral fish, we met some coral fish, and they were like, slap. And then we killed them and cooked them and ate them. That was pretty yummy. They're delicious.

I don't eat, but I heard they're delicious. Yeah. All right, what? And we met free, and we met free pixies. Yeah? And they were like, oh, we're feeling a little frisky. There are a lot of pieces here. Yeah, there are. And I was like, oh, there's free of us.

And then Gideon's like, well, who's for the rest of them? You're thinking out, you look like you I would have had Henry Ten Pixies. Oh, well, I feel like ten Pigs is a day, what a day? What a day? I suck out. An incredible lot. Well, what did it?

I never, I never seen something so awful before. The moment that that- That sounds just like him. The moment the door opened, Cremia is coming out. Yeah. What's the fucking emergency? Oh, Mr. Cremia!

I'm so glad you're finished. I had. Doorbeck wanted to tell you that our friends said there's a unicorn here. I'm sorry, there's a what? Oh, I'm not telling you anything. And if you would be willing to be kind and honest and apologize, you can meet the unicorn maybe.

Well, I can't watch that. I'm going to the bathroom. Hold it in, Gidd. If you could take us to the unicorn, then we should leave right away. Yeah, Gideon said he doesn't actually have to go anymore, and it's much more important than we see the unicorn. Well, I'm sorry that I tried to use my magic to manipulate you against your will for eight hours. Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you for the apology.

Yes, let me tell you about the unicorn. So, what happened was that the horn was stolen from the unicorn. Then that got stolen from Babylona. And now the unicorn is simply just a, well, she uses it as a mount now. It's a rocking horse upstairs and a bedroom. Oh my gosh. And where the horn used to go is just an empty spot. And to make sure her sisters could never find it because it's very, very powerful,

she created a memory ruse and now people think that it's hidden in Yon. So people keep going to Yon to try and bind it, but they'll never find it there because it's upstairs as a rocking horse. You're telling me the unicorn that's in Yon is actually up fucking upstairs. Oh, yes, it's a wooden rocking horse now. But you can't animate it unless you have the unicorn's horn. And who knows where that could have gone. Oh, ha, ha, ha.

You're telling me that there's a unicorn. Mm-hmm. Upstairs. Yes. At this present time. Yes. On this day. And all you needs the horn to reanimate it?

There is so much I know that nobody else knows because I never sleep and I sit on the shelves all the time. And what happens if it's reunited with its horn and it gets animated? It becomes the unicorn again. And then Pavlona has no control over it because unicorns are so powerful. and he's incredibly old and incredibly powerful, far more powerful than any unicorn

I've ever seen in my entire life. Torbek is sweating a little and eyes are very wide. This unicorn would grant great favors to anyone that their freedom from such a torment. It is nothing but pure agony for a

unicorn to be ridden around like a steed. And it's not even that way. It's been turned into an inanimate object. I can still see the life behind its eyes. You should take us there right away. Yeah. I would love, I would just love to see it. I've never seen a unicorn before.

I know. But I couldn't. There is only one way. One way to get up into that room, and that is with the most private meetings with Pavlona. And I don't mean anything sexual by that at all. It's just simply that that's where she would take the meeting. One so, so super secret if someone

had captured Will of the Faywild, which is funny because she doesn't even understand what's going on there. Well, why didn't you fucking say so? Don't curse at me. Oh, my gosh. Who is the night? Yes, the thing is, she doesn't even realize

that Will of the Fay Wild is an only. And that's where we'll end the session. Oh! What in the hell? Wow. Oh, that's interesting. Oh, we are so borked. Oh, boy.

We're going over our heads here, boys. Oh, this is not good. Wow, this is just like layer after layer of like. What does it mean that he's an oni? Don't Oni like steal kids and stuff? And eat them, depending on the lore. Ones are devils or demons? Oh, they're demons.

They're ogres. They are, oh, so they're magical ogres. Okay. Okay. But they are. I didn't know if they were. Fingish power. Yeah.

Well, they're Yo-Kai, which is like devil. I don't know. I'm not, in D&D, they were called the ogre mage. Wow. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

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