Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 55 | Small Soldiers

Episode Date: January 6, 2025

The Krew, in toy form, rescues a girl from a snake and learns more about the Hags...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/2FY5j1U6UXM?si=VQx0HMeacWS6XV2z

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. Torbeck is here, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. All we can do is try to worry about the king and then killing scapify. And then we kill the other. Well, and Will. Oh, we got to kill Will too. Oh, we got to kill the kid.

We got to kill the kid, man. Yeah, we got to kill the kid first. He's up there with Oatsy. I could poke you with this and alter your forms. You look like a doll. Oh my God, I feel like a doll. A key embedded into her back, turning very, very, very slowly.

Scabatha, what brings you to the beneath? Would you like a cup of tea? Go ahead and sit down. I will find you. Oh, yes, I will. She reaches down and she picks up the lifeless bodies of the mushroom peddlers, and she throws.

them into her satchel. As you get up to the cap of the mushroom, it is clearly shaped like a witch's cap. The gill portion of the mushroom glows with a very strong magenta light. This must be the mushroom that produces the witch light. He's walking around and just fucking can produce it. That's implications for what she would do with Thorbeck

if she caught him. You all feel yourself propelled through space and time. As you find yourself once again spilling out into Scabithet's garden, you find yourself in a giant pumpkin patch. The sound of a soft whimpering, you look up and see that sitting on the ground, they're back up against one of these pumpkins, is a small female child, human in nature, soft brown curls,

her cheeks flushed as tears streamed down her face, a snake coiled around her abdomen as is prepared to strike. You had all just recently undergone visions provided to you by the Oracle. You had to give up your memories for these visions, but in them contained countless bits of information that could be incredibly useful to you. If only you could remember them.

You're lucky enough that though your memory is faulty, the extensive notes that Frost was able to take were not, and so you will have these visions. these visions to keep with you. The price that you paid was hopefully worth it. And is in the house of the mushroom peddlers where you had these visions that you found yourselves last session.

And it is in that house that a guest came to. Yes, Michael, you have a question. I know this was an answer last week, but I already forgot again. We did still not have anything of... Bummery, I don't know. That's gone. The twig.

Okay, but everything else, but Baba Yavaga is gone. He couldn't be right at down. God, I just want to make sure. Yeah. Now I completely forgot why I was at. I'm sorry. Those kind of questions was just wait until after the intro

and asked those. I think that'll just be helpful. So the price that you paid for these visions was hopefully worth it. And it is in this house, the house of the mushroom peddlers, that you had a visitor. None other than Granny Knight Shade herself

came to visit. And through the help of pincushion and her magical heartpin, you were all transformed into toy versions of yourselves. Though your abilities, the ones that you have, that are innate to your being, have gone from you, they've been replaced by abilities innate to your toy forms, and you were able to hide amongst the bookshelves and not gain notice by Granny Nightshade. Though she does know of your presence is incredibly furious that you are in her realm, but also intrigued because Torbeck, you have come to learn, is able to produce witch light innately,

something that only the mushrooms can do. And it is through this that she, and it is because of this that she seeks you out. She cast magic on the mushroom peddlers and stole them away, whether they are alive or dead is hard to tell. She took pincushion with her as well, and you were all left to your own devices in these new forms, and you had to make your way out of the mushroom peddlers' home in the beneath, and eventually up into the gardens.

It was a harrowing adventure trying to navigate a world so much larger than you are now. And it was difficult, but you were able to traverse the deep caverns, even coming across a witchlight mushroom in its natural habitat, being able to learn a little bit about it before making your way back into the garden, into a different place than where you had entered. A large pumpkin patch is where you find yourselves now, directly outside of the loom lurch proper, light shining from the inside of this place, illuminating the mushroom patch that you're in. This is a mushroom patch that looks very similar to one that you had seen before. the pumpkins, or mushroom patch,

pumpkin patch, the pumpkins looking almost identical to the pumpkin patch outside of Madrick Roslof's house. And it is here in your toy forms, Gideon, you're still in your train form, yes? I believe you're still

in motion. Yeah, you're still in motion. Gideon is still in motion. All of you riding inside one of the cars in his locomotive form as you spin in circles. in this patch, staring up at these gigantic pumpkins. These pumpkins would be large, even to you in your normal forms.

But as toys, they are gargantuan as they tower over you. And it is the sound, the shrieking sound, that catches you off guard and turns your attention. As you see, leaning up against one of these large pumpkins, illuminated in the light of the windows of Lume Lurch itself, you see a small girl, her hair in plates, one on either side of her head. Her dress is dirtied. Her apron is soiled from cooking and grease and grime. You can tell that this is a child that has been pushed to the limits of working in this place. She looks, what you would imagine, a kitchen maid or a scullery made would look like.

And she is being encircled by a gargantuan snake. As it coils around her and one of these pumpkins, its face looming in front of hers. You see its tongue darting out as it's hissing. And at some points, it almost sounds like it's almost speaking to her. As she recoils back from it attempting to push it away, but she is firmly constricted in its arms. and that is where you find yourselves now. This is the scene that you see before you. What do you do?

Can these... No, go ahead. No, no. Questions first and then our picture. Can we... Like, if we're in the train car, we can all still see, like, out the window. Like, there it is.

Okay. That girl seems to be in danger. Well, there's a big old snake wrapped around her. I don't know what the hell's going on out here. That sounds amazingly like an intercom. That is remarkable. It's pretty remarkable. Well done.

Question. Is this snake a normal-sized snake and we're just small or is it an extra large snake and we're still just small? She is very clearly a child and it's wrapping around. It looks like it's a small, probably constrictor snake of some kind. But it's not like the snakes that you saw in. So it's not Jafar from Aladdin.

It's not Jafar from Aladdin. And it's not like the snakes beneath the tower. It looks huge because you're kind of. How close are we to it? I would say you're probably, if you were regular size, you're probably about 10 feet. I was gonna say, it'd be wild if it was the sun of Snake and Snake and Snake.

Jonathan Snake Snake, Snake. Jonathan Snakey Snakey Snake. He's in Yom though, isn't he? Oh, he's in Yon. If you remember he was going to theater. Yeah, that's right. He wanted a career as an actor. If we don't do with something,

then she'll possibly be hurt or even worse killed. Oh, good God. This is kind of fucking trick. I mean, we just stumbled up. What are the fucking odds? Well, listen, do I just ram this snake? I mean, I'm on the, I'm in a big old train to say that I'm actually quite small,

but I can probably ram a snake. It starts to circle the snake in a wide, well, that's a circle. And I'm going to crawl out on top of the train and endeavor to use my doll abilities. All right, just in case, shitter wins. What? And I'll go around the snake in the opposite way

that it's trying to, that it's trying to, like, Circle her. You begin to circle. And then just make choo-choo, menacing choo-choo sounds. Choo-to, motherfucker. You begin to circle clockwise around this thing, around the pumpkin,

around the snake, around this girl. And she seems to notice you as she looks down for a second, her attention removed from the snake as it attempts to lunge, but she notices and darts the other way as its fangs sink into the pumpkin behind her. but she does seem to notice the train as she lets out an exclamation. I've either opened one of the car doors and started to make my way up to the top

or whatever the easiest way to get onto the top of the passenger train car that I'm on now, Mission Impossible style. Oh, yeah. Roll acrobatics for me to see how well you are able to accomplish this. Let's see if this goes well. One moment. Acrobatics, you say? I was like athletics or acrobatics, whichever one you...

And we solve our basic stat lines, right? Our basic stats are the same. Oh, twist, yes. Twist them, thank you. Twist them. Decent money. A 15. Acceptable money.

I pull myself up, and very quickly I'm getting up and trying to stay stable as much as possible. And little girl, if you can hear me, close you. Your eyes. She sees what you're doing. She looks shocked for a second to see this small glass cat climb out of this train on top, stand on top of it, and then to hear you say this, but she closes her eyes and she's just hoping that her trust is not misplaced.

And I will endeavor to stand, and then I think I'm innately able to. I understand that I have this. this ability to suddenly let the light hit me at such a way I'm endeavoring to blind the snake. Whoa. And you wouldn't be able to do this as long as the train is not in motion.

The train is spinning, so you'll have to. Can I stop? Do I always have to move? No, you can stop, it just it will drop your form. But the line goes out from you and it's 10 foot by 120. But if you're continually moving, the line won't stay there. And so I would say for it to work, you would have to be still. But you can mentally communicate with him.

And so it'll be... Gideon, I needed to pause real quick so I can jump off. The light's not hitting me in exactly the right way. Everybody get out. What? What? The moment that he pauses, can you just come to a stop? Let us off and then continue going as a train?

When he stops, you all just are immediately dumped out onto the ground and then he turns back into the metalman. Just jump off, Frost, and we'll keep going. Yeah, it looks exactly like Optimus Prone. I'm made of glass. Yeah, we don't want Fron shatter. All right, I'll get off.

Gideon, just remember to use your chug-a-chug-chug-on ability. What's my chug-a-chug-chug-on ability? It doesn't see that. In my train form, it doesn't come to me innately. What do you... Can you hear me? Can you hear me over the intercom? What do you think the chug-a-ch-ch-a-chug-on ability is?

Sweet, trade-related. Oh, is it... Choo-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-o! Chug-a-chug-on! I don't get it. This girl is going to die. Yeah, let's get all. Never-mine.

Go on, Charles. And the moment I can stand in one place and angle myself with the sun, I will do so and then channel my blindness effect. You do that, and you have told her to close her eyes, and you also angle it in a way that it doesn't hit her. And you watch as it shoots straight through the snake, and you see as the snake was rearing towards her,

and then all of a sudden its eyes go completely white as it is blinded by this magic. It falls backwards, completely dazed as it begins flopping about helplessly on the ground in front of you, completely uncoiling from around her body. She very quickly realizes what's happening. But without opening her eyes, she jumps up and feels her way around the pumpkin to the other side. And then you hear, can they open the lake? Do I get a feeling that I need to stay here and continue blinding the snake?

You feel like you have blinded it? I believe it says that it lasts for a minute or I gave you. We only have one minute. We need to get to the snake. girl and ask her to carry us to safety. Should we just kick it a whole bunch? It's much larger than us. I fear that it will take longer than a minute for us to

pummel it to death, then it will constrict us, swallow us, and dissolve us. Well, what if we just target its head and not like the rest of its body? You think it'd still take longer than a minute? Oh yeah, let's kudegraud. Oh yeah. You guys can try. I have karate chopping action!

The Horvank has claws! Everybody, too its hands! I like to imagine it's like a rooids screaming, but then the camera pads, I just be like, and they're like beating me on it and it's like not even noticing. I'm moving like a South Bar character. I wonder the girl because I've seen the film Anacombie.

I would like you all to roll at attack. You'll be advantage because it is blinded. Oh, yeah. Oh! So, my work here is done, yeah. Uh-oh, I got a 15. That hits? Yes.

I got a 16. Suck it, snake. Do we have a plus here? Is it just a plus five? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 24. We can just go on a test, right? So six points of slashing damage. I did five points of slashing damage.

Oh, Dormix says blee. Six points of slashing. I karate chopped through him. Eight points of punching damage is like cave it skull. You all rush to this, your bloodlust overtaking you as you make your way towards the snake's head. This is, though it was constricting around this girl, it is clearly just a standard snake,

only able to really harm a small girl. And though you are only to only to really harm a small girl, And though you are only toys, you are still very powerful doing significant, almost doubling its, it only had 10 hit points of hell. Taking it down to negative 15 as you'll pump and slam into this. You see the life leave the snake's eyes

as its body convulses a couple of times before going completely still. Oh my God. That'll teach you to attack little girls in a pumpkin patch. Well, I guess we won't teach you anything. You're dead. Think on someone your own saws. Wow, that was violent.

While this is happening, Frost. Don't want to do it. I hope a new half-dissolved friend crawls out of it. What are I rolling? Nothing. You were running up to the girl, yes. Oh, I thought you said roll something. I'm sorry.

I run up to the girl. You run up to the little girl, and she is, she still has her eyes closed. She has her hands over them. Can they all be? Open my eyes now, is it okay? Yes, but don't look in the direction of the snake. Which is the direction of the snake?

In front, behind, to left, to right? I'm going to tap her foot in the direction that she should look and then go, I'm tapping your foot. Look down at me. Oh, okay. Oh, your little crystal cat. I am indeed a little crystal cat.

Where is snake? It is where we left it. You've run over here, but you should not look at snake. Is it going to come after me again? The threat of the snake is no longer. It has been neutralized. You have saved me from snake? Well, me and my companions.

The train? Well, the train and also three others. Where were they? I did not see them. Only you on top end train. They were inside one of the passenger cars. Really? And then my friend transformed back from a train into his other doll's line.

She reaches down and she picks you up and she's just holding you in her hands. I like this for some reason. How is it? How is it? She starts to pet you. How is it that you are able to travel inside your trained friend? Oh, it's difficult to explain. How are you talking? How are you talking?

Oh, well, you see, I'm actually... Are you friend of pincushion? Yes. Oh. Are you bad? No, I don't think so. Do you work for Granny? No, no, no, no.

Then how are you friend of pincushion? Well, we only do. just met and we sort of took a liking to each other right away and the pin cushion helped us and we endeavored to help pincushion and I was trying to escape and then the snake got me this would have been my third successful es escape is it s escape or no it's escape E-C-A-P-E-S-S-C-A-P-E-S-C-E-E-Scape is satisfactory All right, well, anyway, it would have been my third one. But I, well, I guess none of them were successful because all of them ended in my capture.

But I did get outside. Well, and your escape continues, perhaps. Yeah, it probably should. What is your name? Oh, my name is Mishka. Mishka, that's very nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you. What is your name, Crystal Cat?

Well, when I'm a normal cat, this is not my usual full. form. I go by Morning Frost. That's really long for a kitty. Who named you this? Well, morning is sort of like my last name. So why do you put it at the front? Because that's the way of my people. That's how I was raised. Oh, okay. And the Mishka is a very beautiful name.

Thank you. I like it a lot too. It's the only name I've ever known. Can you still hear the beating of the snake? Or is that just... He just be on the snake's dog, In that moment, the fuck wasn't like, I'm like a clang, mouth covered in blood. He's dead.

Don't you worry about that snake, little, girl. We told her to chug-a-chug-a-chug on these fins. Hey! Hey! Oh! Brickle, a huge missed opportunity to tell your favorite joke, man.

It was right there. Yeah. These are my companion. That's pretty cool. I forgot how fragile snake bones were. They're really loud and comfortable. We're sleeping blood. Yeah, we really got him gun.

You're sick now. This is hero's blood. They were taking care of the snake for it. I wrote the top half of its head that uses a weapon. It's talking about. Everyone, this is Mishka. Hello? Hello.

Hello, hey. It's nice to meet all of you. Mishka, this is a great. Tell, Torback, Fremi, and Gideon. Hello, I will do my best to remember all of your names, but I might forget every once in a while. That's okay. We'll do the polite social thing.

I was trying to escape. Oh, you one of the child laborers? Yes, but I don't have as much freedom as the other ones, probably because I've tried to escape a couple of times and been almost successful, and also because I've magic. Oh. Oh, that's pretty cool. Anyway, come on.

I think love a goodbye thing, I guess. No, no, no, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's not every day we meet somebody with magic. It's literally every day. Oh, no, kidding. It's not every day. I soon let you finish.

I was going to say I wake up next to Gregone Frosty and grab me every single day. We're the only two that don't use magic. In another life, I feel like I would have debated you about whether what I do is magic. However, let's not get into it. It's... Stop!

Go! Another. What kind of what do you? What kind of... What do you use? Well, it's very strange, because I don't know where it comes from. Okay. Well, there's a start. What does it do?

Well, when I was little, my mother said, well, this is what I know, or what Granny told me. is that when I was little, I went missing, and then my mom found me later in my crib. And ever since then, I've had powers. That's all, my miss. That sounds fun. I have no reason to be alarmed by what you just said. But I'm still very little, and so I still haven't figured out how to use them exactly the way they're supposed to be. But I have crazy dreams sometimes, and Granny Knight, she always wants me to tell her,

what it was that I dreamed, because it is very important. Do you tell her? I have to because otherwise she changed me to the cutting station in the kitchen and then I'm stuck there always. Do you ever just lie about the dreams? I don't lie to her,

but sometimes I don't tell her everything I see. Ah, lying by omission. Is it still lying? I don't want to be a liar. Yes, as lie is the operative word, It's by omission, so it's fine. Well, and also, you know, lying to her is kind of fine. Yeah, she's the worst.

You should lie to her all the time. Never tell me the truth. She really likes me because of my dreams, so she tells me a lot of things she wouldn't tell other people. Like, I know all of the passwords that are used in Lomelage, which is pretty cool because other people don't know them. And I know where all the secret things are, too, which is kind of neat. Well, that's really good.

Since you want me to leave anyway, it was nice meeting you, and I will go on to, why? You happen to know where the tour maker is? Well, yes, of course. How about if I could entice you, if you get us there and help us turn back to our usual forms, I'll give you a shiny nickel. What is this?

I just imagine a big shiny coin made a nickel. What's nickel? It's kind of like Electrum. You ever heard of Electrum? Sure. It's kind of like that. What would I want it for? You could buy all the rock candy your heart desires.

Ooh, rock candy. I had candy recently and it made me sick. You could buy a- That's all we make in the kitchen is candy, candy, I have to smell it all day. Corn Pone. Oh yeah. I'm sorry, what?

Corn Pone. You could buy it from shiny nickel or a pad of butter? Oh, gosh, this is hard. A sack of flour? I would be willing to help you just because you need help. Well, I mean, you kind of need to escape.

I don't want to stop you if it'd be inconvenient. Okay, well, then I'll go. No, no, no, no. Yes, we would love to take your help, please. Do you really have a nickel? I mean, copper piece is close enough. And Frosty, don't ruin this, man. He can sell eyes to a Dracardi in all right.

That's fucking brilliant. Wow. You get information for a nickel. I found right now. Yeah, that's right now. Right fucking. Unbelievable. That's unbelievable.

That's very funny. I look very earnestly at her. I would be happy to help you if that's what you would like. We wouldn't have saved you if we didn't want to be friends with you. Oh, that would be nice. I can always use more friends. Some of the children in Lomlarch are mean to me. Yeah, Torbeg gets that.

They think because Granny Nightshade needs things from me, that she's nice to me. She's not nice to me. But they think that means I get special treatment, and so they are mean to me. And so then I just get to people are mean to me from both sides, you know. And so sometimes it's nice to just be by myself. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you've got to cut them a little bit of slack.

I mean, their tensions are probably high on account of the forced labor, you know. the indentured servitude, so to speak. So that's probably why they're lashing out because of their own pain. We're in the middle working on that too, though. So, you know, you help us out. But we're not going to feed them to any hungry, Charlie Nogers.

So why is it that you want to go to Granny Nightshade? We need to steal something from her. Maybe killer. No, we just need to have a... conversation or at least gain access to her personal quarters so that we can kill her or steal something for her well no we want to free the kids right we don't want to necessarily kill her in case she has some sort of programming that would you know make her turn red and attack us you know what I mean I don't just shut the fuck up

we just want to it's very pleasant just we want to you know oh yeah we're talking about Armin Gramey nightshade like all the things around the castle might just activate and kill us in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the alarm belts or something. Ah, see. Yeah. Well, my guess is that she is most likely in her dollhouse.

Yeah. Because, and she looks up and you can see that the moon is beginning to shine down on this place. It is nighttime here. And she arrived very quickly from Yon. She even left her mount right outside the door to the portrait room, and she was rushing through the garden. I had to hide here in the bunkin patch,

so she didn't see that I was escaping, and that's how I got caught up with the little snake. Now his head is gone. I told you not to look at the snake. It's not gone. That's only half of it, that's the top half. We call that re-sackers. Where is bottomed jump?

It's bottom. It's all over, you, toolbar. We can read, oh, we can't rebuild it. We can't rebuild it. And so then when she came back up, she rushed straight inside, and I think she went straight to bed. Or not to bed necessarily, but to her little house.

Well, if you help us out with these so-called passwords and secrets, everything's gonna turn out okay. Okay, I'm happy to help you with that if you would like me to, But I ask one thing in favor. Okay. We really can be friends. Yeah, of course. Absolutely.

I'd love to be a best friend. Sure. Yes. And when it's all said and done, you maybe help Mishka escape? Absolutely. We're already helping the others, kids escape. Yeah. Mishka, after we're through with old Ska,

there are going to be no one left to capture you. There's a little minute, boy. His name is Timothy. Oh. We'll get him too. And his twin brother, Jimothy. Oh, I am too. Yeah. Oh, wait. Are they minions or are they captured? I just, I want to be-

No, they're captured. Okay, I wasn't sure. They will stand on either side of me, and each one of them will take one of my pigtails and they pull them. Oh. Oh. So kill them. No, no, no, no. No. I don't beat them up, though.

If I don't beat them up. You just kick them one. I'm once or twice. Maybe like a little punch on the face? No, only if it won't kill them. No, no, no, we're not gonna kill them. We're not gonna punch them. I don't want you to kill them, but they hurt me,

so I want you to fight them. So let them each of chug-a-chug-chug- physically. Why not? Should we make them cry? Oh, if you want to torment them mentally and emotionally so that they have baggage for the rest of their lives? So then emotional abuse is what you're saying?

Wait a moment. They're inside in the workshop. Do they have like a normal place that they like to sleep? Well, well, None of us like to sleep here, but they have their best. Well, I'm just thinking if we figure out which bed is theirs, we just break in every night. We move their bed just two inches to the room.

And then we can eat in everything bagel in the head. He's like, how the fuck on there is. It's coming in here. Yeah, just, I mean, that would make them cry. And then slowly go insane, right? Like, every time they show up to the bed, they're like, wait a second, I thought I'll fix this last night. Oh, yeah, and we just find their pet

and replace it with a slightly different, smaller version, and they'll start to think they're going insane. Exactly, exactly. Just run the numbers for me. How many days we have last last? I believe we estimated 33.3% chance of success, repeating on the last. Repeating of course. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

All right, chums, let's do this. Five days? Five, six and a half, six. Five, six days in, yeah. Oh, yeah. We don't have time for that, Giddy. Well, I guess we'll just punch him in the face, okay? I thought we weren't supposed to do that.

Ginn's real good at beating people up right before the point of manslaughter, all right? Yeah. And they just, they wake up in it. I mean, hell, come on, man. He had to practice to get to that point. You know what I mean? You practice before you kill Juggles? Oh, no.

That's definitely murder. That was the problem. That's not going to practice. No, I didn't practice before Juggles, all right? It was an accident. I just pushed him kind of hard, and he died. Torbeck is sure that practicing murder falls under premeditated. No, no.

No, no. He practiced beating people up right. before manslaughter. I practiced restraint, okay? And sometimes he just accidentally went a little too far. Torbeck's not getting in. It's hard to rein all this in, okay? This is a whole lot of muscle.

Yeah. Exactly right. Yeah. Look, do you mention she had a mount that's right there? She rides on a rocking horse. Oh, could I could. So just around, so if you look at, you see how the loomward lurch is lying on its side and it is in oak, a fallen oak tree?

Well, you see how the roots come down around this side, cutting off a part of loom large from these pumpkin patch. If we go around this one big root, there is a door there that goes directly into the portrait room. And right outside of that door, which is normally locked, but don't worry, Mishka has key. Because Mishka has to do all of the work that Granny Nightshade says.

Wait, wait, wait. And so I have key, and then the mount is right in front. Wait, does the mount have like a shave down spine on its forehead? Like what you mean shaved it down? Just like it used to be a unicorn, but its horn was cut off. Well, not like it used to be one and it was cut off, but like maybe they wanted it to be one, but did not have a horn to put there. We must find this mount right away. It's just right over there.

Lead the way, please. Holy shit, it's right over there. Oh my God. There. Yeah. Hey, real quick question. The dreams, you said you were telling. Any good ones lately?

We have lots of strange dreams. They're mostly about a cauldron. A very big coldron, not like the one that Granny Nightshade has, the one where she makes all of the bubbling candy, but the former ancient one. One where the feats on the bottom are little chicken feet. Wait a minute. Did that cauldron, do they take, like, nasty ladies who did really bad things in life and get thrown into them and they scream and get turned into porridge and get ate up by a really scary, nasty old witch?

Oh, heck from Beckbats. Oh, yeah, that's right. I did have a dream like that one. You did? Yes. Oh. Did you ever? And it always happens in this cauldron.

Did you ever dream about a big hairy bug? or maybe like a gator person or a red guy or a cat or small green goblin. No. No, my dreams. Tiny green gondland. No, my dreams, it is mostly this cauldron. And sometimes in the smoke I see visions. The cauldron will bubble and frost.

And then the smoke will rise, a beautiful magenta. beautiful magenta smoke and in it I will see it is it is strange it is a subterranean city beautiful vast filled with towering creatures that are indescribable and and and and sometimes I see masks people in masks lots of them and they they spin and they dance. And sometimes they turn and look at me, like they could see me in my dream. Like they're watching me, watching them.

And portals, lots of portals. Whoa. That's really scary. You're really brave. I don't have any choice. That kind of sounds like a living nightmare. I mean, it is nightmare. But it's more like a sleeping life.

It's more like a sleeping night. Yes. But gosh, remember the cauldron that we saw the Nate all these hags? No. Wait a minute. Did you get out of a cauldron?

Did you get out of that cauldron? Is that how you came to be? Who are your parents? Me? What's your contact information for your legal guardian or next of kin? Why are you yelling at me like this? Because we're trying to get to the bottom of your nightmares to how you have nice, comfy dreams. No, no, we're trying to get to the unicorn.

I mean, rock and horse. We also have trust issues. We need to get to get to the unicorns. to the Toymaker. And the rocking horse along the way, please. Well, we got a lot of places to go. Well, she can get everywhere, right? You got all the keys and shit and stuff.

Sorry. Excuse me. That's okay. It's just the one key that I have, and it won't open all the doors, but it will open some doors. Hmm. Okay. I think a nice order of operations is to go to this rocking unicorn and all

together to the tour maker and then we go and ride to Scabifer, Rob the thing, Killer, save older kids, kill the only. I think that finishes all of our question this zone. Well, beat up those two minotaur kids, but... No, we're not supposed to be... You know, we're gonna make them cry. We're gonna beat him up to the point of... Oh, no, no, they're children!

We're just kids! They're gonna be them! Five, it just keeps. You can ask us not to hit them. Where are we supposed to just make them cry? You can just scare them a little. What are you gonna do to make them cry? You're gonna do the brain thing?

Oh, oh. You know what that looks as? That looks as, I will endeavor to crush this mind. I can't do that right now, unfortunately. In my glass form, I seem to be unable to access my psionic powers. Whoa. Yeah, I can't access my primal powers normal.

Yeah, I can't ignite. I do have cool karate chopping action. I can turn it into a cool train. Yeah, that's almost better than what you know. I mean, tell me about it. It's really pretty cool. It's kind of cooler than fire punches. Yeah, I'm being train-raming.

I mean, yeah. Everybody hops aboard, you know? Yeah. How do you retain this ability when you transform back? I don't think we will with toys. toys may be awesome but I got to imagine it hurt a little bit more when I made a you know meat flicking bone it'll be like a meat train oh yeah it'll be a meat train this is oh this is oh it reminds you nothing moving on all right little girl

we won't say meat train in front of it anymore take us to the rocking horse I want you to forget the language unit meat train Well, now that you've said it like four different times, I don't think I will be able to do that. Just if Granny asks, don't tell her anything about the meat train. Or do, you're confusing her. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. Would you like to go to, would you like to continue now, or you want to keep talking meat trains? Yes, please. No, wait a rocking horse. Doesn't have an ash in Maine, by the way? No. Well, shit.

No, she's still a wooden rocking horse. That was wooden. That's what me. Yes, let's go. And she scoops all of you up into her arms, and she begins to move forward. You are all jostled about as she begins to skip, and she skips around the root,

and as she makes her way around the root and faces the house again, you can once again see the lights spilling out of this place. The door that is nestled between where the root is coming off of the side of Lume Lurch, and Lume Lurch itself is shrouded in darkness. There are no windows going into this particular place, but on its side, on the ground, right in front of it,

clearly left there haphazardly and in a hurry, is clearly a wooden rocking horse. Mishka rushes towards it and places you all on the ground as she reaches down and writes the rocking horse. And you can see this is exactly as it had been described to you by PINCushion. It is clearly a rocking horse that is written more than likely is a mount,

and you can see the spot on its forehead where it looks like a unicorn horn could be attached. Oh my God. Put me on its head. All right. And she picks you up and she puts you on its head. I'm like an actual crocodile out, like on all a force, right? No, you're a two.

Oh, I've like, okay. That's less funny that I was thinking. Yeah. That was literally just like, a little crocodile made a bone. And then I'll like sort of like, tap the spot on his head. Does it feel like the same material? It feels like it's recessed, but it feels wooden.

It does not feel like the same material. And then I go and I look for my pack and I realize it's not like I'm transmogrifying. Ah, oh, Phyllis, I can't get the horn. Oh no. No, I don't have access to any of my things either. Oh my God. Well, that's why we need to ride this.

Doesn't need to turn to a unicorn, We can still use it to get to the toy maker, and then he can help us out. Oh, it'd be so cool. What do you mean he? I already asked you, why do you want to see Granny Nightshade? Wait, she's a tourmaker? Who else is making the toys?

Oh. We were hoping. That was anyone other than her. You asked me, can you take me to the toy maker? And I said yes, and then I said, why do you want to see Grandi Nightshade? And then you told me all the reasons why. Why do you seem so surprised by this?

You're all caught up in the excitement at the moment. I thought you'd be like, some kind of, like a wizened old gnome with a jolly laugh. Jim named Jim Petto. Yeah. I was picturing the chess guy from Pixar. I was picturing that

Colonel Sanders from the Matrix, like the third one. Those things took a weird turn. Yeah, it didn't really hold up. Yeah, well, I was there like a drug orgy in that. I mean, you must. It never much. But it's not canon. Oh, what are we going to do?

We can't save the unicorn until we fix ourselves. Well, maybe we don't need to need a toy maker. I mean, pincushion did this to us. Maybe there's someone kind of like pincushion that could undo it. Pincushion got thrown into like a bag of something. Well, I'm saying someone like pincushion. Pincushion was made by Granny Nightshade. Oh, this is bad.

We can't do anything about Granny Nightshade until we're back to ourselves either. Do you think maybe we could play it off like we're just living toys and maybe she won't realize that it's us or no she already saw us oh suddenly came to life you saw us before and even played with my dice eyeballs when you was very angry and said oh there's a traitor of foot who could it be we're not the traders of foot she's spelled us too well no I mean she saw us in our toy forms but like if she doesn't know that we're our actual forms what are we gonna do scratch her to death no what I'm Just like, what's her name, we're not gonna fight her.

We're gonna either steal her or steal what we need. Oh, we have to steal two things from her. We'll fucking cut a deal. We had to get the portrait, too. I don't think we can cut a deal with her, man. Now they're looking for Torbeck. They think he's some kind of endless battery of witch line. Oh, fuck.

She can't know that we're here, I don't think. Yeah, he's gonna get hooked up and milked all day and all night around the clock and he wants to stop. stop getting milk nobody's milk in torment let's use a different word than milk

like don't be so wasted he's gonna be he's gonna be chained up and milk stop saying milk and why do you look

like you're like a problem you sick wait if you're into it maybe we make a trade we're not going to consider

all of our options. Every time you hear the word milked, Torbeck, I want you to hear the word bloodlet. Bloodlet. Like bloodlet? Like bloodlet? Like bloodlet? What is that? That's what they would be doing in Torbeck. A little guy? A little blood like a little blood guy? Like, I'm a bloodlet. Oh, that's what that is. Oh, that's what that is. A little dog. A little dog.

No, no, no. No! No! Why did that little dog? I really heard. Glass shadows everywhere. It's like Phoenix and X-Men 3 or 2. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit.

Oh. Okay. Yeah. All right, I don't know how we get out of this position. Hold on. We need to get on the fucking lockingose. What are you going to do with it when you get on it? Uh-huh.

Do you know that any other toy makers, though? Surely there must be more than one toy maker in this area. Nothing that I know of inside of this, no. Okay, kiddo, listen, pincushion did this to us. Is there somebody that kind of is like pincushion that has a similar level of power that could undo this to us that's not the fucking hag? Oh, no.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Well, that's all I had. Why don't you just ask her to undo it? I mean, you'll have to make some kind of deal, but that's what she does. You can just say, I will do this for you.

You did this for me, and then you leave. The people who don't leave are only the ones who try to get out of the deal. But if you just try to do the deal, it should be okay, right? She's only really, really mean to the children, so you're not children. She would probably be not so mean to you.

I mean, we could just talk all way out of it. But, oh. We're gonna get into a deal Ponzi scheme. We're making deals to pay off our deals, to make our deals to pay off other deals, and we're gonna, oh, by the way, we need to take your magical drink at and also your portrait to give to the other people,

and we'll also betray the Endland Moon grave, and we'll steal something from who? We're like eight deals deep. Yeah, but who gives the fuck? At the end of all, we're gonna be so powerful that we'll just walk back up and get on to snap their necks. How is that? I mean, we're gaining.

the power, if we make the fucking king of hearts happy, then we'll just he'll probably, you know, fly down on his fucking hour wings and just explode them. He, why he would have done that already? Because he can. That guy's also, but why do you think he's so

powerful and so hot and so impressive? He's just some guy who thinks he's pretty and like, oh, I'm going to play guitar as to you, go, friend, Ricker. You're projecting. Why am not projecting? I am not projecting Zane. I mean, I mean, Tollick. You know, Mr. Crummy?

Yeah. Torbeck is putting Torbeck's foot down. We're listening to a guy who got us into this problem because he made a deal with a person in the first place. Yeah. I mean, that's a fair boy. And then you made another deal and another deal and another deal. And so on until we're here.

And what? What do we have the show for it? We've made some progress, right, fellas? I mean, look, there's always another deal, all right? And if we just keep making the right deal, we're still drawing breath, aren't we? No, we're just... We're just... We're drawing debt is what we're...

Yeah, well, yeah. And that's how we're doing this mess with Mr. Guru! The only way to make the King of Hearts happy is to have an item. It's an important, specific item from each of these three hags. We don't have any of that. We have maybe one, we think. Look, here's the thing. I'll come clean with the plan, all right?

Here's the plan. We make all the deals we fucking need to. We get to take all the fucking debt that we can. Okay. Just to get through, help the King of Hearts, all right? Okay. And then, once the King of Hearts is happy, he gets us an intro to Old Queen Titania.

You know, a good buddy Tala. She fucking owes us a favor, right? How do we know that Tartagnia's cool? to King of Hearts. Even if he's, even if she's not cool with him, I mean, we talk to Talavar, we'd be like, hey man, look, we just saved, you know, this entire

realm of the Faywild, and, you know, we're kind of like heroes, we're super powerful at this point. We've gained at least like three or four more levels. And we go up to him, we're like, hey, you know, we could use a royal pardon, you know, get our debt cleared and become super powerful like magistrates or something,

and, you know, he's a bunch of gold, and he's a bunch of power, and then we can sort of like, you know, they're like, you know, sheriffs or something and, and, you know, then all the debt won't matter. Your whole plan is that the King of Arts will grant us some get out of jail free card for all of our other deals. Or just kill all the eggs. I mean, I like the exploding fire.

Yeah. I mean, that's like plan A, B, and C, rather than it's playing, you know, deep. Your plan is to just get a job, just a political position. Not a job, not a job. No, not a job. Wait, you've been talking about a job this whole time? This whole thing, no, no, no, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I would never, it's not a job, Ricko. I flash back to the job board, my, my, just tears in my hands. It's a, it's a position, all right? It's a position of status that gains us a great deal of power. And, you know, what we can probably, once this is all said and done, we'll snap all fingers, we'll get out of the Fayewhile, what are they going to do? Come after us? We already tried to get ourselves involved in farewell politics

by trying to reform the archaic draconian laws of Muck Frogton. And what was that called? Downfall, of downfall. And I'm pretty sure, old bloody toad just killing them all in you. So what does it matter? All right. I can't believe he literally.

Torback is a broken man. If we can just turn back into ourselves, we'll be one step closer. Ricko is a defeated, broken goblin who's actually quite an average height for goblins. If you look at the adventurous average, I'll actually right about there. You're in that ballpark. So is this what we're doing? We're all just going to blindly follow Mr. Kremi again. Well, look, I don't, whatever the fucking option do we have, Tolbeck?

Torbeck doesn't know. Torbeck is frustrated. And how do you think I feel, all right? Extra frustrating. Look, I got one foot in the grave and three feet on a fucking banana peel at this point. We are on the verge, all right? That's a funny man. I'm just trying to fucking keep us all alive.

You understand? Okay. Doorbeck's sorry. Tensions are high. Yeah. It's okay. That's fine. I'm sorry, everybody. We're gonna get out of it, just like we always do. All right. Okay.

I feel like, you're right. Even though it was our debt to a terrible voodoo sorcerer and all making deals, we can get out of this by making more deals. That's exactly that. You're right. You're right. Well, I'm sorry you had to hear all that missing. It's okay. I'm used to being in rooms with people talking, pretending like I'm not there.

Did anything that we said made sense to you? I wasn't listening to you. That's wise. No. That's wise. All right. Just lead us in. All right. We're just going to go in this door. All right. Oh, have you seen Will of the Faywild?

No. I've seen the portraits that Granny and I, she had makes trying to get people to bring him to her. She is incensed. She wants to kill him so bad. Oh, so do we? Oh, my God. We want to kill him too. Hang on, hang on. Whoa.

Fellas. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Until we can finally do. Back in business, fellas. We're like back to the original plan. This is so meta. It's what I'm following. Oh, wait.

I was thinking how good it would be to have peanut butter and jelly French toast. Well, that does. Wait, hold on. That's not really good. I mean, it does have pretty good. But, like, right on some, slices of brioche. I don't have any of my stuff. I can't help me.

Anyway. I think honi's back on a menu, boys. Okay. All right. plan. We were planned. And we don't know how, I mean, are we behind on his plan? Because he is the plan too. Well, we just got to sweat one of

the poultry, getting, is it going to know? Isn't it going to notice? And we just find what else is. We swapped out and say, oh, here's the head of Will of the Faywild. Wasn't his plan, like, taking out all the gods, all the fucking toy soldier going? Oh, yeah, there's a plan. Yeah. Well, but no, we were supposed to create a diversion, so

what if we just go in there and tell her that we're bringing Will here? And then we just have to create a diversion. so she's got a scene diverted, and then he comes in, we kill him. Frogs, can you run the numbers? I think they were making a diversion, and we were supposed to solid snake up.

I believe that's correct. However, Well, heck. What we just need to do is indicate where Will is and the granny take care of Will. We don't have to do anything. Well, what if she gets to him, turns them back into an ony

instead of killing them, like they assume duo power level, and now they're on stop? Presumably we'd be on our way with our items. An Onee? What? In Oni?

Mm-hmm. It's a... It's an ogre a mage what eats children. Yes, it's an ogre. A cast cone of code. Like the big, like the big blue guy that used to work with Granny Nightshade, like that one? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that guy's just willing to say wild.

Yeah. The one in Oni. No? What? Yeah. Yeah. Terrible curse. Oh, well, you could tell Granny that it might make her very happy, and she would then turn you back into your normal person.

Yeah. That is our plan. That's the plan now. Yeah. We came, we took a long way. We took the seed of Root. Yeah, we did. But you know what they said. I seen Roos faster in the way, so. Did they say there? Who says that? Oh. And I read in a column. And we'll also probably tell Granny who changed Will into Will. Right? That would be another piece of important information. That would be very sad for our little children. Her sister did it.

Yeah. Showed up like in the bushes. Wait, Endelen did it? Yes, it was Moongrave. What? No, it was Bablona. Yes, it was Bamblora. That's what I was gonna say.

That's what I was saying. Wait, she's not Bavlonna. Bavlona's the creepy little frog with. Yeah, Pavlunas, want to fucking chill over his kid. A little freaks! All the fucking little freaks! All the fucking little freaks! little freak is popping out of my hate them.

I hate them. I mean, I don't want to think about that. They're probably all dead. I mean, we unleash bloody toes. And she hated them more than you did. Crazy. Yeah, you're probably right. So, Torbett just wants to say one last thing.

Yep. Okay. Torbett kind of thinks that Frost is right. If we just tell her where Will is, she'll take care of Will. care of Will as opposed to letting her know that Will's an Oni in disguise. Thing? Oh. Will. Would she be more grateful of getting back her horrific child-eating henchmen or more grateful

that she got rid of Will? We could tell her that Will, by killing Will herself, that she'll get back the Onean and surely when she kills Will, he'll transform back into the corpse Odie self. she'll weep tears. Oh, like the monkeys pulled. No, no, no. No, no. Oh, jeez.

Oh, God. Let me school y'all. And then, and then, I know you said. Oh, what? You said you're gonna get it back. And it's like, oh, you have. From a certain point of view. And if we can find a way for Timothy and Jimothy

to witness all of this. Two birds with ones. Hold on. Hold on. Hold up. Look, look, we don't know the nature of the head. X, alright? It could be a sort of deal where she does like child hit points. She like does 10 damage to this fucking little kid and all of a sudden He pops back into existence full health totally healthy. He's like oh, I was tricked now

Let fucking help me eat all the kids. We'll still have fulfilled our deal. We'll be we'll have rocking horse our way to the To the to the to the to Hootsie and we'll be well on our way to getting the third item at that point because we'll have made a deal for it And so you find that if he comes back he might eat children. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Then how does that factor into your plan? We'll have to solve that additional problem, but that is better than any of the other suggestions.

The plan is we say, hey, you don't know where we're gonna fight oil these. Chances have we heard where he's laying low. We don't have his, we don't want access to his knife, do we? Oh, we did. Oh, it's a part of our year, We say we can prove it all you got to do is turn us back.

And so I'll say, okay, I want to hear you out. And then we'll give, let me turn you back. And then we'll turn back and we'll say, see, we've got his knife. And we're going to use it to cut off his little fucking head. And then she's going to say, oh, that sounds like a good plan. Can I reward you with the vessel dresses

and peanut butter on a jellyfish? And then we'll say, well, thank you. you, but don't come with us and also don't look at where we're going. And don't be present for the battle. Because if you know if you're coming, he'll run away. And that, we'll betray him. Oh, that sounds great. And then we just go kill him.

If he turns around, he will kill him. If he stays a kid, we'll have a dead kid. And we'll hope that we just heard it correctly. All the way, it's a risk. It's a risk. It's a risk. It's a routine. Hey, we saw that vision on a bunch of mushrooms in a deep dark case.

no chance that was not true. That's not I make all my investments too. Exactly. There's a Michael Goldberg always, you know? I propose we named this episode a risk we're willing to take. Good. Do her back. Yep, yep, yep.

Are we not sure that her special drink, it's not that key intermac? Oh, fuck. Torbeck doesn't think she's parted with that too easily. I mean, if we pull it out, what if she just dies? That would be crazy.

I don't think she's going to like. Hold on. Did you imagine? Oh, I'm Granny Nightshade. What happens if we take your key? I die. Wait. We now let Bblon.

Bblona represents the present. Uh-huh. Granny Scalapiddle represents the past. The past. Mm-hmm. So there's a key represent the past. Oh, also, that horse is here. is here.

It is, yes. No, Clopper, oh, is this little Cloppington? Lord Cloppington, if you hear us, Sir Cloppington, if you can hear us. Diana Cloppington was the Centaur. Yeah, you're talking about the Centaur from the fucking Carnival? Oh, the horse's head. We got to stab if I did something to that horse.

We got to find it. Remember? Oh. Torban things are great on brain. No, in time. No, you're serious. She has a crew of his brain damage. No, but Diana Cloppington,

she was once a night with a horse and she was fused together with her horse. Because they took his head or something, right? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, but that has nothing to do with the unicorn that we presently standing upon. It was very tragic that she was named Kloppington after that experience.

That's a nightmare. I'm not going to unpack any of that. Okay. Well, how about we just go in and see what's all like, about the rooms and stuff, and we just start stealing things. Yeah, do you mind not escaping and helping us with our plans? No, I'm definitely okay with helping you in this.

I'm a little less okay with it because I feel that maybe you're not the best at making plans. Whoa, I am amazing at making plans. You have no idea how much shit we've seen. It's a miracle we're still alive and it's because I'm fucking great at making plans. I do feel like it might be a miracle that you are still alive, but you are still alive, and that says something. So I will help you. If things start to go sideways, just don't abandon us too quick.

That usually means the plan's about to work. That's true. Okay. I mean, without your help, I can't fully escape, most likely, even though I will keep trying. So if your plan fails, I'm really no further back than I are. DM now. Oh, that's good.

Are there other children who have attempted to escape and have been strangled to death by snakes? Most of the children don't try to escape. That makes me feel better. I just had to ask them. But honestly, being strangled by a snake is much better than the children who got swallowed by the only. That's true, I'm sure.

Does he do it in one bite or does he like, going on the carpet? Depends. Depends on the child. What would be the corn? Yeah, what would be the hogs? Like your haunch flesh or? No, just the whole thing.

You just hold the head and the feet and you just spin it. Oh, like dinosaur barbecue. That's not what you've been picturing when the only eats the child? No! More like a fade to black, the dude off screen. I was thinking about that like Yeti guy from that skiing game. Oh! You know, you had to have a special button to go faster?

It's fucking horseshit. Why didn't they tell them being very cute? Anyway, we would very much appreciate if you would help us make our way through the dungeon so we can find what we must steal. Well, I can help you to get to Granny Nightshades' toy room, for sure. I don't really go into the workshop.

The children would say that I was there, and then I would get in trouble. So we are looking from going into this room and going to all of the rooms on this side of Lomelurch. We won't go into the rooms on this side. So I hope what you need is not there. Yeah, I'm too. Okay.

Well, so we go in now? Lead the way. And she walks up the little wooden steps to the door. She pulls out the key and she fumbles with a little bit, but she eventually is able to open the lock. and the door swings open and you immediately see that this room is completely filled with thorny brambles. She makes her way into it and you all, I'll say for the rest of this you'll follow behind her because she's not going to carry you everywhere.

She follows behind you and you follow behind her. She leans over you, closes the door and locks it and places the key back into her pocket. And as you look around, this room has three doors, and a wood carved staircase that ascends to a higher level. The walls are a dense tangle of tree roots and brambles, nestled among which are five portraits, one of a spelt, dark-haired woman, and the others depicting hags.

Buddy, which is already, like, step one and a half of our plan. How are we going to fucking get it, though? Oh, fuck. We just have to remember that it's here, all right? Hold on, hold on. We also need to remember that that sad halfling fella was in a portrait or something. Oh, I don't really care too much about that guy. He was very sad.

Yeah, it's kind of sad. It was so sad. A lot of sad people on the Faye Wild. You know, you can only spend for so much time. Let, I'm going to take, can we, could you, give us a bit of a boost to take a look at all these portraits to see if there's anything like, like one of these things is not like the other. It's likely. Yes, sure, okay.

Thank you. And she picks you up and she, um, She stays towards the middle of the room. The brambles are very much around the edges and obscuring parts of the portraits. And she looks like she doesn't want to get very close to the brambles, but she does hold you up best that you can see.

And the first portrait she holds you up to is a portrait of a truly ancient and terrifying looking hag. The smile on her face is filled with iron teeth. The next is a toadish hag, a hag that you remember and recollect. This is very clear. Beverly Blightstra.

The next one that you see is a hag with a wind-up key in her back, one empty eye socket, and a wooden eye held in her hand. This is clearly Scabbeth a nightshade. Is that it? The next one you see is a skeletal hag wearing a black theatrical contraption resembling a dress. We wrote that down. And lastly, you see a spelt, dark-haired woman with a commanding presence. appearance is very similar to the Tasha mannequin that you saw outside the Hall of

Illusions in the Witch-like Carnival. With the guy! This had guy! You know, yeah, isn't that? And that is what you see. Oh! Oh! That's the younger sister! That's the young sister that it was talking about. Isn't that Sabilna?

That's a Billner! Don't we know that? Yeah, we do. I think we fear eyes. I don't know. I would say you know that their younger sister is Zubelma. Yeah, we know that's Sabilna! Oh my God. Wow. What if this,

this portrait's the fucking reason why she's all, like, trapped or in danger or whatever. Oh, my gosh. Oh, also, I need to rectone a little bit. As soon as she lifts up to the portrait of the Iron Key, I'll go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's very funny.

I don't know, which one do we? Oh, we have to steal back. Bavalon was expecting that one. She places you down on the ground and you imagine if you want to continue expecting them, you would need to get closer yourself as she's not going to move you towards any of them. Offer, we need to take it closer look, lads.

This is important. The running frame of portraits is narratively relevant to our quest. Okay. And we are expected to do. take at least one of these, right? Yeah. Well, I think we gotta take the Babylonum one.

Isn't that what we committed to? That's what she asked for. She had a butcher of herself? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's easy. It sounds like they probably hold power over the people that are the subjects.

At least that's what Torbeck is guessing. I think we need to get both. I think we also need it. We should take the one as a Billner. That's gotta be fucking relevant, right? I mean, there's art in the book. I feel like that's the important one. I don't know.

I don't know if you need that knowledge. But Fush, Gideon, can you give us a boost? All right, I mean we can stack all on up. Yeah, just grab me. Let's toy story. All right, here we go. I have four legs. Watch the doors.

I need all three of you to make dexterity saving throws, a disadvantage because you are climbing on each other while you're doing it. Oh, man, not bad. I rolled a three and a one. I rolled an 18 and a 20. 16 and the 2. I'm gonna dread you.

Oh, boy. Let's fucking go. We're gonna shatter into pieces. Hold on. Dick's 30 saving throw. Mm-hmm. Tim. Perfect.

You all begin to climb atop Gideon's shoulders. The three of you do at the very least. Hold on, I'm kinda slipping a little bit. Oh, no, I got you. All right, I got you. Come on. What's quirming so much? I'm trying.

Oh. And you're- Tickling me, ooh, stop. Can you please stop for one second? I'm trying to, oh. You want me to describe it now? Yeah, I'm done, I'm done, sorry. I'll have to explain it.

I know, I know, it's fine. You attempt to climb up on top of Gideon shoulders to get a better look, and in doing so, you all find yourselves pricking, of your skin on some of these brambles. And Kremi, you prick yourself first. And as you, as this happens, you notice that the blood does not drip from the thorn,

but instead the thorn sucks the blood up into its wooden flesh. And immediately, you see the portraits begin to shift and change. Oh my God, I have to let it. The image of the image of Zabylna and Bavlorna, Endelen, Granny Nightshade, and this other fourth most ancient hag, all begins to, the all begin to slowly disappear.

And where they had been, where Granny Nightshade's photo portrait had been, you now see Cremie. Oh, ah. Where Endelin's photo had been, you now see Gideon. Oh, no. The other two portraits remain blank.

Yes, Dorebeck. Dorebeck things we made a, Tactical Boo Boo. Is it my toy bone form, or is it actually Creamle-Legro? It's actual Kremi-Lacru. It looks like a beautiful portrait like you would have sat down and paid a good sum for portraits like this.

Damn it, Gid, look what you gone did. What, if you were just crawled up and just with just normal fashion, and Grico, you were freaking out right at the top. You just started tickling me. I was not tickling you. And you guys, you know, and you guys,

You're holding me steady. We talk about this. I don't have great bad, I was just not in my head. As the two of you begin to argue, you move about this way and that, and in your rage and frustration with Kremi, you gesture Italianally, and you prick your finger on one of these thorns,

and you watch as the thorns sucks the blood up and where Kremi's picture has been, yours appears. There's two of me now? and where your picture had been, Kremi appears. And the two that are empty, one remains empty,

but the other one has a portrait of twig. Oh my God. Is this like a puzzle? Like from a point-and-click adventure game? I don't know. This doesn't feel like a good thing. It feels like a very bad thing. Are we getting our soul slooped?

Well, we just swapped. And then twigs there all of a sudden. What's the fuck? Oh. And then you said there's a blank one? Mm-hmm. Wait, hold on. One, two, three, four.

There's five pins. Is there a portrait to me up there? I can't see. No, it's, wait, so it's, it's cranny, twig. Twigs, and then one blank. The other ones are blank. So whichever ones don't have either. So all the hags, the hag coven?

They're all gone. All of those are gone and they have been replaced. Oh my God. And this is bad news. Just gonna know we're here. As Grico panics, he stumbles backward and pricks himself on the brambles as well. and once again, and he just outright dies.

He's completely dead. No death saving throws. He's just dead. He's dead. We knew him well. Oh, God. Oh, God. Tornik takes one giant step back.

Your brain. Your brain. Your virgin was unconged. But as this happens, as he just pricks a bit of his skin on one of the thorns. It soaks up the blood and you watch as the portraits change. The portrait of Gideon turns into a portrait of Grico. One of the next portraits is someone, all of these are people that you are familiar with Grico, your mother and your father on either side of you, Uncle Glorbo on the side

of your father. And lastly, Hootsie. What? Who's that gone standing next to me, Mom? Okay, Gricho. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas,

shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. This is what you see, these portraits.

Your mother, some guy you don't recognize, Uncle Glorbo, and Hootzee. Hey, is that gone next to me mom? Um, uh, who knows who that could be, Grico? Yeah, what the heck? What a color of witchcraft is this? He looks really ugly. Look at how short he is. He looks exactly like Gregor.

Yeah. Look how ugly he is. Look at how big his nose and misshap and his ears are like lopside and he is a shorty gun. Ugh. What? Why is he ruining this lovely family photo? How did it know? Fell, take a step back from the thorns, all right?

Noted. Presumably the portraits will show the family. the family of anyone who breaks themselves on one of these thorns. Did it have my family? Just me. It was you and Gideon. Oh, in the same portrait? Mm-hmm. We have separate portraits.

When you picked yourself, it was you, and then next to you was a portrait of Gideon, and all the other portraits were blank. Yes. When Gideon fricked himself, it was Gideon, you, and Twig, and all the other pictures were blank. And then now it's Twig, Kremi, Gideon, and Gricko with his family.

No. Now, your portraits are all gone. Oh, we're gone, though. They're all changed. They're only five portraits. So when you pricked your finger, you showed up and Gideon showed up, and the other portraits were blank. All five refresh simultaneously. So when we're looking at the Grico's family, it's inside each five individual frames.

Not one portrait changing with five people inside of the portrait. I see. Um, it's, God. Very curious. Kind of looks like that deadbeat loser. He was, uh, no, there's no way that was at. Let us go.

He was always at the casino. He was always at the casino. He was a professional, professional gambler. He's a degenerate trunk. Oh, God. Yogan director. Why is he in, why is he in this photo? Torbeck, go prick yourself.

One, rude, two, no. Oh, wait, that's a good fucking idea. No. If I'm not up there anymore, and it can show you multiple people, I mean, who knows what's going to happen when you prick your finger. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Torbeck doesn't want to do it. Plus, if we leave a picture of Torbeck up there, then Granny Nightsheet's going to know Torbeck's walking around. Well, yeah, but we can do you just out of curiosity, and then we'll throw frost into a thorn or something. No, we fucked the portraits up the moment one of us got pricked on the thorn.

If any of the portraits here were the ones that we were supposed to retrieve, we can no longer do that because we would need to prick one of the hags in order to recreate the portrait in the first place. Oh, gosh. Well, maybe the portraits are just like moving around the castle or something.

I mean, maybe they're not gone from here. we're not like destroying them and replacing them. They're just going back to, you know, maybe this is like a, like it just reflects wherever the prime one is. That may just be wishful thinking, Gideon. And my concern is that this is what we were after and we've wiped clean the image

of what we were endeavoring to steal. Well, on to the next thing, then. Hopefully there are more portraits. That's all I have to say. I feel that car's name was Grico too God, what a loser! I can't believe why would he have the same name as me? A lot of Gricco's in the world, huh?

There's a lot. It's a very common goblin-goblin name, Grico. I mean, when I was young, I think, you know, people called me junior. I don't know why they did it because I was small. What the fuck is that guy? Why is that DeGerrick Gambler next to me mom in this portrait? Common term of endearment, Jr. Yeah. You have to run.

Yeah. Yeah. Gideon, you promise you'll throw frost in to the thorns. Yeah, 100%. Touch them, I'll throw frost in. Deal. Deal, 100%. I'm made of glass.

There's no chance to, I have blood in me. Okay. Well, I'm a- Ow! I felt that one. The portraits immediately begin to change. Where the portrait of Grico had been, and there is now a portrait of Torback.

Next to it is crummy. and then Gideon and then Grico and then Frost. Emily, it's you guys. Very sweet. See, Mr. Fremi, you can't escape it. We're family. More than friends, acquaintances, and co-workers. I think I'm picking up a sort of fool line here.

It's Spain want magic. You can't deny it. We're family now. Are my ears really that big? Yeah. Oh, and my nose? All right, get in, throw frost in, quick. Don't touch me.

Don't touch me. I will blind you. I only have one more blinding. Quick, quick, huh? I get out. Dexterity saving throw. I do like a table and not come over into the thorns. Or it would be a contest, a Dex contest.

Would you do Dexter? Well, I think for you would be. Just Dex. Yeah, how would you do this? Mike. I mean, normally it would be a grapple could be athletics versus acrobatics. Yeah, athletics. Listen, I'm Mr. Grappler.

Yeah, so do that, do that. Good luck. I think I'm, my advantage on grapple checks. I think acrobatics, we say? For you, yeah. Trying to slip out, trying to get a wet. Oh, shit. Or is it just acrobatics?

What did you get? Is it really good? You don't know. For you, it's 60 feet. For you, it's 60 feet. For you. I must think he said low. Can I twist it?

No. Would you get to roll that? Should have rolled towards Derek. Yeah, you should have rolled away from me. You should have rolled away from Derek, yeah. Oh, man, 17. Oh. You attempt to grab him to throw him into these thorns,

but he weasels out of the way. I need you to roll dexterity saving throw. In his confusion, he's heard himself. Fucking seven. And in doing so, he lunges. Come here, come here. He wriggles out of your arms, but he lunges to the side, very proud of himself.

I'm going to try and grab him, his hand just slaps me in the face. As you feel one of the thorns prick into your back, and the thorn sucks up a bit of your blood, and you watch as the image is changed. And what you see are just a photo, a portrait of Frost, and next to him are two to backseat, Axi elders, your parents, your mother and your father.

Is that your master, Frosty? Which one was your master? Neither were my master. This is my mom here on the left, and this is my father. How do they do? Do you still write back? I've seen you write many letters and send them back whenever I went to the post. I lost my memory of when I last saw them.

Do I know the fate of my parents? No. You remember your choice. childhood with them. But everything from that day that you met who would eventually be your master, you have, you don't recollect any of that and you never saw them after that point. I can't answer that question, Greg, though. I was taken from them at a young age and I never went back. I guess. Well, next time we're at the post, we'll just send them a letter. I'll keep sending wedding invitations to old park hole and i'll rock me mom and every chance i'll get you i appreciate

the offer grego thank you have a rough family life i actually remember having a very joyful childhood uh at some point uh that ended i have a vague sense of resentment about it but like i can't tell you anymore I get it I never went back much occasionally you know Ewell and Easter sort of deal I love those big feats you talk about like oh me mom makes a great old big old polygum yeah yeah and I mean hey I didn't get my cooking from somewhere and it wasn't rammy guru I can tell you that oh way I don't know who that is it wasn't it wasn't that one guy it wasn't that one guy Wait a minute.

All of you are Torbeck's family, but Torbeck didn't show up in any of your pictures. Well, To be fair, that was all just me, Mom, and Uncle Glow. I don't mean Hootsie was there, I guess. But it was for me past. And then there's that weird guy, the drunk gambler, Bricko. Yeah, I mean, they could be bugged.

I mean, Twigg showed up in mine. We just met. She is about the past. But I mean, Twig's pretty present. I mean, Hootie's more present than, you know. I think it would disturb Frost not to have an answer in this moment. I'm sure it would. Oh, yeah.

Can I endeavor to understand the emotional, like, feelings of abandonment that I would have had and the, like, never having a resolution to that, something that I, that Frost would be surprised he never pursued as if forgotten? How would I navigate that? I don't know. How would Frost navigate that? With confusion and looking in with. Exactly right.

So that's what he's doing. Yes. Okay. I love that for you. All right. Dungeon Mistress. Yes. There isn't like a huge Bucks and troll woman in 19-

No, there isn't. No, there isn't. Not good that one. I look looking poor. I think my future, my future wife and my future, who's his mom? She's not, she was the one taking the portrait, I think. Probably a great artist. I don't know who this degenerate gambler is, I don't know.

I don't like him in there. I want to redo. One last question. Was the Torbeck in the portrait current Torbeck with all of his gizmos and gadgets, or was it pre-Wich-Lich Carnival? It was pre-Wishlike. carnival Torbeck. Whoa. You know what? Torbeck doesn't want to talk about this

anymore. Torbeck is a little frustrated with all of you. Torbeck is disappointed. Torbeck isn't angry. Torbeck is hurt. Well, we don't need to be hurt. It's all witchcraft, Tobet. It's she's trying to tear us apart, I think, probably. It's working. Yeah, we don't know how true in here this is. You know what I mean? This is. You know what I mean? This is. This is, could all just be illusions and you know she's trying to fuck with us we're also weird toy shape so maybe it just couldn't get enough blood from us yeah it's kind of turnerbex like still like yeah now what this is uncomfortable we just get the heck out of this room all right the portraits are gone we need to

fuck that all up well I guess we can't take it with us when you get back to our phone before we see let oh we just have to remember that this is where it fucking is and yeah we want to try maybe it'll like reset in the You know what? I'm gonna go back to the five. This is awful. We've only just begun and Dormbeck is disappointed. Grico's confused. Frost is disturbed. You guys are handling this way too well.

Well, it's just disappointment. I was satisfied. Miska. Do you know anything about these portraits? Only so much that they show you, whoever was the last person that pricked their finger on the thorns, it will show their closest family. And it will stay that way

until someone else pricks their fingers on the thorns. Was it Granny Nightshade who last pricked her finger on this? Do you know? I don't know. I was not here at the time. Have you ever pricked your finger on the thorns? No, I don't come in here. Well, uh, would you like to see your parents again?

I don't know. If you like, it would make me sad. Yeah, no, that's... Fraud's what the fuck? That's what a dog. That's what a dog. It's kind of threatening. It might make you feel good.

This really warmed all of our hearts. Oh. Well, I don't know. It's got to tear us apart, man. This sucks. I know, I need to talk to me, mum, when I'll get back, get back home. Dormann needs therapy.

I need to talk to me, mum. I don't know who that water got there. Can we just continue? Yes, that's your choice, Mishka. I just thought you should, if you weren't already aware, know the opportunity is here for you now. It's right there. If you really want me to, I'll do it.

No, only if you want to do it. I'm not encouraging you. I'm saying that we've all done it. Roll a persuasion, Jack. Seven. Oh, we're going to twist it. Oh, okay. We're going to twist it again.

Seven. One more twist here. That's what they're here for. You should have rolled it away from you. Six. Seven. It's right on the stars. She rolled a natural one.

Your seven initially would have been fine, but I love you wasting twists. She looks towards you, and she looks towards her little finger. I don't even remember what my mother looks like. I've been here so long. I will. I only know what granny nightshed has told me. Okay, I will do this for my new friends.

And she reaches out to one of these really long. thorns and she pricks her finger and you see for the first time blood drip from the finger but you also notice that the thorn also sucks it up and immediately all the portraits change one you see becomes a truly ancient and terrifying hag with iron teeth totish hag a skeletal hag a hagg with a wind-up keener back and a sveled dark-haired woman with a commanding presence all appear on the portraits Mishka looks genuinely shocked as she stares at these photos.

She looks down at the blood dripping from her finger. What does this mean? What, whoa, whoa, what the fuck? That can't be fucking, right? Fuck, what are the chances this is a good thing? I mean, hey, at least it's reset, right? It's back to normal, right?

How long, how long? How long are you just speaking conversationally? How long have you been here? Like, how many years? How many birthdays? How many named days have you had, little girl? I'm not allowed to have birthdays. The children here, we don't age.

And I've been here for a long, long time since Granny Nightshade told me that I had disappeared from my crib and came back only shortly after. Do I know anything at all about general hag folklore? Roll a history check. Like a swamp witch out in the bayou, you know. Yeah, that's why that. That's not so I'm saying. Out and out and put the wall of a strong, I roll the natural one.

We're going to twist that. We're going to twist that, really. You know, want to do, want to do. You do you're going to die. What is that? We're away from. Wait for me. Away from me.

It's still. It's still. Go ahead. Dundie. Dundee. What was made? One more. One more.

One more. One more. This is the final one. No more after this. Oh, we got this. There we go. Oh, there we go. There we go.

There we go. It's all right. It's all took. 16, a little bit of giddler. You have heard fables of changelings, of children going missing and being replaced by the fay. I would say you don't know much more than that. You don't know if they're associated with hags

or how changelings happen or what comes to be, but that it is not a common thing to happen, but when it has happened, those children have been shunned, and bad luck has always followed them. But in this moment, if I don't make that association with hags, would I make the connection? I guess it's a question. I would say you would make the connection because you know that hags are fake creatures

and that you have heard tales of maybe hags being involved, but I would say you wouldn't know so much about it that you'd be like, it is definitely hags that do it, but just that, like, I would say broadly the fay or trixie hags have been mentioned as being involved in this way, as are other types of fake creatures, and that creatures of the unsealy type are generally more connected to this type of thing, and that it very much brings back memories of those stories. So a kid, what did you say happened

when you disappeared and came back? Well, I was just the wee little baby, So I don't know what happened, but what Granny Nightshed told me was that I was sleeping in my crib and then I was gone. And then after a couple of days, I was found in my crib again. And from that time on, I've always had these dreams, these dreams of a cauldron with chicken feet and the magenta smoke. And those are the dreams that I have. And she eventually came for me when I was about seven. and she brought me here.

Hey, Phyllis, quick sidebar. If you don't mind. No, that's okay. You're not going to stop being my friends. No, no, no, no, no. We're going to figure out what's going on with all this spooky hack magic. No, you just fixed our problem.

Yeah, we said. We're back in. We fucked it all. I mean, we mucked it all up. Okay. Look, fellas, I don't know if it's fucking related or what, but at least back home,

I mean, I've heard tale of, you know, all of the relative swamp folk out in Whippewa Wallow. You know, there'd be families where they'd have a child go missing. And all of a sudden mysteriously would turn up again, and they said it was tricks of the fey. I don't know much more than that, but they always seem different once they came back. Some folk believed that it wasn't even the same kid. What would it be? I don't know. Well, what does it mean?

I mean, can we trust her? I mean, what if she was snatched up by some, you know, on hags related to the fay? Wow, they fucking live here, right? Maybe one of the fay that snatched her up was a hag and then brought her back. And, I mean, I don't know. That doesn't make sense because it's not like, I mean, unless she's a shape shifted hag in front of us. But, I mean, I think we know we just saw her. I doubt, you know, she would hang out with us like this.

I mean, she also looked confused, like she was genuinely surprised to see that show up. Are we going to have to deal with her? No. Why are you looking at me? Was that suggestion to her back? No, Dormand doesn't want to. There's too many kids walking around masquerading and that are not kids. And we're in trouble here.

Look, in every case that I heard of, it wasn't the fault of the child, right? may live shitty fucking lives because of it. So I just think she's down on her luck and she might be some sort of horrible abomination. I hate to say it, but I mean, she might be some some, some, like, permanently cursed hex kid. She's like a ticking time? I don't know.

I don't know what happens after the fact. But, you know, people are always like, oh God, they're different. That's not my child. I swear, I swear, that's a different child, even though they look exactly the same. Man, this day really sucks. Well, listen, I mean, all she's done is, so far. I mean, maybe if she's got some kind of crazy hag magic, maybe she can kind of like awaken us.

Now, awakening it and help us even further. Maybe she can turn us back. Or just help us get the rest of the stuff in here. She does seem to think that she... Let me start again. There's a chance that if we got her into the workshop that she might be able to turn us back. She has an innate power to make toys. Tools are in there. She may be able to make and un-make toys, if that's an innate ability, or at least within her talents.

She might just have to believe in herself. Whoa. I mean, she has magic, and that's how she got it. I mean, she's got some kind of crazy, like, clairvoyant vision magic, you know what I mean? I'm sure she can figure out a toy or two. You think, like, maybe she'll turn into, like, another hag? If we, like, let's say we kill Scamify, then she'll be like, oh, JK! I was the girl the whole time. What that can happen?

I don't know. Isn't that the kind of thing you was talking about grubbing? Well, I mean, what worries me is that we can do based on all the different portraits that, I mean, her sense of self might be fucking gone. Well, we don't know how accurate the portraits are because that the gambling weirdo was in me, my portrait. We can talk about that guy later, all right? We're not going to get him back now. It's all tricks.

It's all lies. I believe that the portraits are perfectly accurate, Grego. We're going to have to unpack. that later. However, I believe that they are perfectly active. All it tells us is that she's related to the hags, right? That's true. Yeah. That's true. Wait, but it didn't have one in the... There's no fucking portrait of her.

Oh! You got me there. I'm not so... I would say, from the DM's perspective, there are only five portraits. So if there are more portraits than family, it's more than likely to show family and not a self-ported. not a self-awarehead. Well, we don't know that yet. Right.

We haven't seen enough to do to deduce that. Dang, and I think Mr. Crummy's right. Well, listen, even if she is a hag or what have it, you know, I mean, she's been captured here. She's been pent up in prison for years, maybe. I mean, who the heck knows how long? I mean, she's got no love for these people. Maybe she's got powers and she'll turn on them. I mean, look, she's got magic.

She's somehow associated with the hacks. That's all we know. Okay. Okay. Let's not take care of a Torbeck, all right? I think we just... Stop looking to be like that. We already have one kid.

We've got a fucking cute. We've got to kill the one kid. Let's keep it one. Torbett knows. Turbic agrees. Turbent doesn't want to do that. All we can do is kill to one kid. This is a nightmare.

We stay on track. We stay on plan. All right, nothing changes. Nobody else touch the thorns. Everything's been set right. There's no evidence we were ever here. All right, little girl. And at that moment, we have to rewind

and just go to when we raised our voices during that conversation, Mishka would have heard. Abomination. Ticking time bomb. What, that can happen? Oh, you've got Torbeck. Imprisened. We already got one kid to kill.

And then, and then, and then, that's how you would shoot that. Yeah, 100% of that scene. Oh, yeah. All right, you're ready to leave? Yeah, let's proceed. Yeah, yeah. We're going to leave through this door.

Okay. And we're going into the kitchen. All right. And when we're in there, just in case the dragon warmling is there, which is one of Scabith's favorite little pets, we have to be very quiet, because it will alert her that she is here, and it is mean, it burns me all the time. So we shouldn't chop it to death.

Do not go near it, leave it alone. And if you see any of the little jack in the boxes with the dragons on it, don't mess with them, because if he's not in there sleeping, he's in one of the little jack in the boxes, okay? Oh, avoid the boxes. We're not gonna fall him. Because the last time we fought a dragon,

do you remember what happened? Either literally or metaphorically. Oh, my fucking God. I mean, it is the Jabberwalk technically dragon. It should look like, I mean, it's kind of like buggy and weird. The Jabberwark in this little dragon wormling are not the same things. Like not even a little. Everyone knows about the Jabberwark.

Oh, shit. It's dragon-esque. I mean, but I figured like dragon, capital D dragons was like one thing, and the Jabba walks, motherfucking, if it's got crazy wings and green scales and a big old tail and gnatsing claws and snatching claws and biting jaws,

I'm avoiding at you! I'm telling you to avoid it. You don't need to avoid it on your own volition. Do it on mine, okay? I know. I agree. Don't go. No dragon. We are going to make our way through the kitchen

into this study. The study is beneath Granny Knight. She's bed. room, okay? We're just, we're not even going to stop in the kitchen. Promise. We're going to walk through it. We'll do a cursory glance so you can see what there. We're going to be very quiet. Hopefully you don't want to stay in there for a long time and then we're going to do the study, okay? Don't make any sandwiches. Just be very, no, don't make any sandwiches. The only thing in there to make is candy. But if we need to split up, get and I got it. We'll take

a little bit. Just don't make any same. It's literally straight through. There's one door here and then there's one door over here that goes outside. We don't want to go out. We don't want to go outside and so we go straight through it and then we go into this study from there, okay? Are you saying that, well, Huffin? Oh, no, I don't like have hypotheticals. There's enough to like make like a fluffy P.B and J? No, it's just candy in there and a drink.

And now might be some eggs. Look, no, no fucking zero. Okay, okay. Oh, I was supposed to French touch. Who's not even here to fucking eat? I mean, surely they have peanut butter or candy. Okay, okay. That's a good point.

And jelly. I'm gonna, oh, I'm gonna go, that, that, that, right. Oz and a prize. Right, don't make our context. Let's go then, okay? And don't touch any of the thorns. I don't want to see what happens again. No fools.

And she walks towards the door, she opens it, she allows you all to scuttle through, she closes the door behind her, and you all are able to make it out of the portrait room fairly unscathed. Did we take any damage from the ones? No. Oh.

You find yourselves in what is clearly a kitchen. The squalid kitchen, is carved out the trunk of the fallen oak. A large clay oven sits in the middle of the room, surrounded by crowded shelves laden with forest fungi, jars of pickled grubs, animal skulls, and moldy cookbooks. Sickly sweet vapors emerge from a cauldron that rests atop the oven.

A green dragon, the size of a large dog, is coiled up near the oven, apparently dozing. Fumes rise from the wormling's nostrils. The cauldron is filled with boiling candy. We don't go anywhere near it. It will literally melt your fingers off, okay? Okay.

We are... This is the door that leads to the outside. We don't need to go there. So we're going straight forward, okay? Okay. I will follow behind you so that none of you get lost. Grico, face the other door. Stop looking at the dragon.

That's a really cool dragon, but also very scary. I know, and you're very, very tiny. So if you get anywhere near it, it could swallow you in one whole chump. Okay. What do we just fucking say about the fucking dragons? Shh. What are your voices?

It's so cool looking. Okay, we're going straight through the kitchen, okay? Stretch, straight. Okay, stretches. It's gonna be action scene. Cricer, shut up. And I need you all to roll a stealth check. Oh, no.

15. Oh, I didn't know. Dirty 20. May I twist? I roll the natural one. Mm-hmm. I would like to twist as well. Just one.

Okay. No twist. Come on. 27. Oh, I had my cat out. That's a stealthy bug bear. Yeah. Seriously.

Nine. It doesn't fuck around. I got a 24. All right. Even though Grico is still distracted by this dragon, everyone else is stealthy as can be, and you are able to grab him and move him along and keep him from getting into too much trouble.

As you make your way through, the kitchen, you see that Mishka is not wrong. The kitchen here, the cauldron is bubbling with a purple candy that changes between purple and blue and green as it bubbles and pops. You can tell it's a very sticky candy. You can see molds hanging on the wall that this candy would be poured into and formed into different shapes. You can see all of the instruments here that are used to create the candy that goes into the goblin market, jars, line the wall, filled with all sorts of concoctions and things. And you see something that Mishka had talked to you about when you first met her.

You can see the shackles where she is normally chained to the table in the middle, forced to make the candy here. And you notice them as she glances over to them and winces in reaction to seeing them. She rubs both of her wrists, and you can see the scars. that have built up there over years of having these things on her wrists and her trying to escape from it. But she averts her gaze, and you make your way towards the door at the opposite end of the kitchen.

She opens it slightly, softly. It creaks for a moment, and you all freeze and listen. The dragon by the hearth stirs for a second, but then continues to snore. You all catch your breath and make your way in through the door. She slinks in and slowly closes it, behind and with a soft click, you are out of the kitchen proper. We're going to be all right.

Everything's fine. We've made it. Well done, fellas. All right. We have through. Grico, well done. I know that you saw the peanut butterflies, and they looked delicious. But you kept it cool.

I'm proud of you. Thank you. I don't know how I made it out of there. I feel like I would have psyched up and I would have gotten myself ready done stretching. And then it would be like one of the greatest scenes in cinema history of Team America World Police. where I just every fight and I just clatter my way

across the that's crazy that's kind of what happened and as you all breathe size of relief lean up against the wall you get an opportunity to look around this space

this is a small circular space almost exactly the same size as the portrait room that you had been in but very different a staircase similar to the portrait space, runs along the wall of this circular room and climbs to an upper level.

Tucked behind curtains of moss and ivy are numerous bookshel bearing ancient tomes. And built into one of the bookcases is the tall overall mirror in a wooden frame. Flickering candlelight emanates from the eye sockets of a human skull resting on an open roll-top desk. What? Oh my God, I'm here. What was the trick from the last one? Huh? Remember that?

I do. If you look into it, you can walk through it, right? You had to say something, and it took you back to the car. No, we saw Mr. Lott through the mirror, didn't we? Yeah, in Babylon's house. Yeah, it didn't have one of those mirrors. It required a command word. Oh, fuck.

Well, wait, so that Mishkin knows all the command words. It's true. I do know all the words. Well, heck, there you go. It's called command words. The what? You said, I know all the words. We've been saying command words this whole time.

It's important that you say it consistently with the rest of us. I know all of the words, yes. The command words. For what? For the mirrors. Oh, I know the magic mirror. I know the word for that. And do you know the command words?

No, the word for it does not command. Where does it go? What does it do? Well, that's where the little sow pig goes to pull children into loom lurch. I fucking hate that little fox. Keep your voice down, this owl pig sleeps above you. Oh, my fucking God. Oh, I'm starting.

Hey that's a pig to the list, man. Oh, she's going on the list. You're telling me that there's a fucking pig monster right above us? It's more like a pig hid the child abomination, and she's right upstairs. She sleeps in the bed next to Bevlorn's dollhouse. Okay, I hope we're gonna be waking up anytime soon. Oh my God.

Whatever again. It's gonna find us, isn't it? Are you signed at who you? You? the little fucker and the little pig thing, and then that other one, I think I had a caught a charming mask, but I'll still fuck that guy, brought Hootsie here? What?

Was there a little owl bear? Turvick is so confused. Oh. What? Hold on, why is everybody getting riled? I'm talking about fucking people. The little fucker, brought Hootty here? Wait, was there a little, was there like an adolescent owlbear that came back here?

I do remember seeing a little tiny owlbear that was here. The dragon in the other room burned it once. Are you saying that that cool-ass dragon burned hooking? Just once, it was an accident. They were playing. They liked each other a lot. And the little hooting one, the little hooting one nipped at it once, and it burned it accidentally, because it went.

went, ah, and little flames came out and burned some of the feathers on its chest. So just a little rough housing and it got a little out of hand, but then they patched it all up with apologies because they was mates, is what you're saying? I don't know if they apologized, but I knew that the little dragon cried for a long time when the little hooting one was carried away. And this was five years ago? I don't know. I don't know how long ago it was.

It was a long while. So Utsy was here a long time ago. No? Yeah, before we even ran into you, that little pig-headed fuck, whist her away. Stole-Heading. Yeah. They took with that little fucker who we murdered in the pox. How did you get Hootzy back?

Oh, she just kind of showed up in her... She just showed up again. Why? She was in the... No, we're in the tower. The tower. We got it. We got her.

She was a little wall of our. So, oh. Yeah, and Wigglewong. And Wigaw. Wait, wait, wait, was there a mirror in the tower? No, she flew from a giant balloon. No, there was a mirror in, what was the name? Swap Town, Central.

In downfall. She was in downfall. And then Tava, the, oh, you went there yet. He was a fairy dragon with a handsome mustache. Right, right. He was also a knot. And Wigglewalled, in a cage. In a cage.

Yep. And Wigglewalled, may he rest of the piece. Right. He broke his neck in the balloon accident, saving Hootsie. And Hootsie was there. Oh, that's the part that Torbeck was missing. Wigglewog and Morgh.

Yeah. Did a dashing escape. Yeah, Torbeck knows all about that. And Morgo sacrificed her presence. He was there for all that. I know, I know, but we did the hop-up. Yeah, yeah. He did Torbeck knows.

Oh, so you did a hot rod. You know the whole story. The missing piece was just the Hootzie piece. Yep, yep. But now Torbeck knows. Torbeck is up to speed. So how did Toerbeck... How did Hootze get from...

I guess through the Mitz, right? Who are you pulled with where the mirrors? Oh, man. The plot thick is. That mirror goes to the witch-led carnival. All of the hags have a mirror in their place of residence that goes there because they have a deal with the men that run the carnival that as long as they continue to funnel them or allow them to take children,

they don't get involved. But as long as they turn a blind eye to the stealing of children and other things that they want, that the eggs will not, destroy the carnival. So we could leave right now, is what you're saying, and let's go back home. You can't go through the mirror. Only the little, only the little sow pig

can go through the mirror. All their little, the lornlings can go in. Nobody does that fucks. Well, that also raises an interesting question, because on Torbeck's last time at the carnival, it was also the last day of the carnival. And then five years passed, so where even is,

the carnival right now. Yeah, and if we even went out to kill Mr. Wish and Mr. Lott, which was what my R.D. was, that would be so fun. Then, like, years would pass, and then our time would be up and the King of Hops will be like, oh, my name's probably Zine. I'm just a girlfriend to be a think about it.

Hey, well, Tom will be up. Why would the King of Hearts want Tiffany? I mean, he's a handsome guy. Tiffany's like a trashy. I hate that. It's been a tough day for It's really hard. Yeah, it has.

I am having a day about it and I'm made of wood. Frost, during all of this, what are you doing? Listening and thinking. I'm observing the room and I'm watching Mishka because I feel like she is starting to dawn on Mishka, her role in all of this. I'm pleased with Torbeck's questioning. and so I don't have to be the one

who's asking all of these like round in the corner looking around questions I'm just vibing roll an investigation check for me my pleasure right I'm so frost stay out of the sun line you'll like this whole place somebody put a cloth over me

last cats ladies and gentlemen I like the room on fire I roll the natural one Do we want to twist it? Yeah, that's twisted. A DM prompted investigation at nowhere feels like a... Roll it away from you.

One more twist. The luck of the Irish. The luck of the Irish. You're welcome, everybody. Fuck. And that would be a lesson to, from this side of the table, Derek is bad, always ruled a man.

I was cursed by a nun. I was cursed by Baba Yaga. Keep the dice away from my. I'm Irish. I'm Irish. Mike he was cursed by an archerable. Bad luck. He was cursed by an ancient, like Slavic Woods went.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know what your father was. In other words, we're away from the Italians towards the Irish. That's right. Yeah. Luck of the Irish. Love of the Irish.

That was four-tened. Yeah, you really have been. Yeah, yeah. I've had a good run. What the fuck? We gotta figure out what cursed me. Yeah. 25.

Perfect, yeah. As they're having this conversation, you're deep in thought about Mishka, about why you haven't spoken to your parents in so long. What has kept you from that? And Torbeck seems to have things handled, so you paste the room and you investigate this place.

You notice that every single one of the books on this shelf has the same exact spine. It is. Did she write a book and then she's just got a bunch of copies of her own book? It's all leather. But you see that stitched into the spine is a withered frog's body.

A frog's bun? Body. Oh, body. A frog's body. It seems strange at first. You run your finger along the spine, and you can feel the way the body kind of moves beneath the hardened leather. You lick your finger and run your... You run your finger along the spine again.

You just do it, okay? Because you got a 20-something, and that's how you figure. You do. Your moistened finger. And once you're moistened finger, you just did. Jesus, man. You chose that.

I didn't choose that for you. But as you run your finger along the frog on the spine, it croaks out the title of the first book. All things, you know, ready to fly you. Frost in the library and more like, oh, You're just too many books. Don't you know your thought? You're a good time.

I want to go to bed. This is weird. You would use the title would also make that noise. That's the last second, everything. Thank you. So after it makes that sound, I presume.

This is the bottom shelves. After it makes that sound, you then it calls out the name of the book, all things sticky, slippery, and sweet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's no way. You're absolutely right.

It's a dirty hook you. You move on to the next one. Each time having to lick your finger and stroke the frog, you read off. Name after name after name after name. Fantasma Demento's codicil of conundrums, a lavishly illustrated book of Fay puzzles and riddles. They're starting to blush.

Goblin et foe. Ugual to soul is a thin illustrated book describing Nil Boggs, who are capricious space spirits that possess goblins, foment chaos and goblinoid society, and use their magic to drive others to do the opposite of what they desire. All of the books writing is backwards. Pity, he's an elf, is a collection of illustrated short stories

about an elf adventure named Ethan Hourglass, who travels the Fay Wild and befriends dangerous creatures in surprising ways. My kind of name is Ethan for an elf. Well, I feel like it's probably a self-insert that didn't get edited out during the editing cast. It's Aethon, A-E-T-H-Y. It's probably still a self-insert.

That's probably true, but I'm just telling you what it is. The Queen's gowns depicts and describes famous gowns worn by the Summer Queen with asides written by the gown's equally famous designers. Tales from the Gloming Court is a set of 11 hefty, green-covered illustrated books filled with stories and illustrations, of fey wild intrigue that shed light on the sealy and unsealy court. Oh, shit.

Every volume is here, except, strangely, volumes three and eight are missing from Scabatha's collection. And as you look through this frost, that feels important to you, but you can't quite figure out why. There's something about three and eight. Next is three rules to rule by is the thin, dog-eared book that describes the rules of hospitality, ownership and reciprocity and detail. Twilight Tides is a fat wrinkled book about navigating the oceans of the Faywild.

And lastly, you make your way to the roll top desk where you see that there are quills and ink. The human skull has been fashioned into a lantern. And then from there, you see that this is piled with wanted posters. The one that had previously

been working, the one that had previously been being worked on, the ink is still drying, is wanted will of the Faywild. Fight the flibbered a gibbet and deliver him to me alive and unharmed, and I shall make you as strong as an octopus, Granny Nightshade. Strong as an octopus?

I think he's having a screw. Yeah, that's hard. That doesn't make any sense. You look through some of the drawers and you find a varnished human eyeball inside the lower half of a small hourglass that hangs like a pendant from a necklace made of woven hair.

Just like the one we saw in. A black feathered quill with a bone tip. You feeling it, you can feel that it thrums with magic. A tiny clockwork toad. That's cute. And that's it. Oh, wait. I'm not that it is.

Frost turns the key on the toad and what does it sound like? Yeah. Thank you. Why are you so good? He's really good. Why? That's what he's exactly. I don't know what video you're talking.

No. You're not there? She wasn't there. Oh, I know. It's so funny. Oh, no. You were this guy. This guy is a frog.

It was just a frog. And he's like, he's like, got a frog in his hands. And then he just goes, Is it a frog? Don't you know you're caught? It's like, quit trying to escape my grass. But, and then the frog just like moan so dog

to play. We had to play it. It's so good. Can we watch an adventurer's in july? Can we watch it? Once he says, like, you're caught, quit trying to get away. There's a clip of us all died, dude. That was literally day one of the cooking minutes.

Wow. October 3rd, the day of the live chain forever. Remember October 3rd, you turn into Yelberg brothers. Oh, wow. That's kind of weird. Anyway, we should focus. And those are the only things that you see. The quill thrums with magic.

So does the tiny clockwork frog. Do I get a sense that there's additional magic to learn? I'll say for the sake of brevity, you're very quickly able to tell The ink is the crimson color of fresh blood until it dries, whereupon its color changes to sepia. It appears that it takes the blood from your body

and turns it into ink. But it is a never-ending quill. That's not good. The clockwork toad has an AC of five and one hit point. If a creature places the toad on the ground, it hops five feet across the ground and each of the creature's turns in a random direction and makes a croaking noise that can be heard out

to a range of 30 feet. Any creature that licks the clockward toad must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or be poisoned for one hour. While the creature is poisoned in this way, other creatures are invisible to it. Hey everyone, look what I found. Judging a random direction.

How charming. Oh, God. Does anyone else feel like licking it for some reason? No! No! Oh, what amused? I wouldn't recommend it. Thank goodness who she is in here.

God, Mr. Rehnitz-Reeds her feel. No, why do I just feel like in every universe? universe toads on a bunch of pervers. Yeah, it keeps happening. Yeah, why does that keep happening? Why does she have that in her death? Oh, gosh. That's why I had those little fuckers.

There's a bunch of pervers. Well, I went through her entire library. Okay. The chilling story of frog spines and they, there was a few interesting titles, but nothing that I feel I need to record. Anything that's perhaps missing seems narratively didn't. Yes, I did find.

I found out. Wow. Well, well, well. I found another book about the three rules to rule by. The three rules of hospitality and ownership. Do you remember? Don't know. Don't know. Don't tell me. No.

No. No. A before E, except after V. No taste these backses. No, that's not it. That's kind of it, I mean. Once you have eaten of your host bread and salt,

you are granted guest rot. No, that's not it. So no harm can come upon you until they grant you your guest gift can send you away. That's the fourth rule. You're close. Labor Day. No water after Labor Day. That's right.

That's the seventh rule. One is the day-o-day-a-l-day. That's okay. Torby never understood that rule. Yeah, I don't fucking get that. We should probably keep going. Oh, yeah, let's keep going. All right, we're going up these stairs

to the room above. Let's all be quiet because she's sleeping. That's where the pig is. And the sow pig will be sleeping too. Oh, my fucking good. Can we cut a throat? Can you bushwhack a wall past and please? Don't mind if I do.

We don't have a knife or anything. Oh, no. He just jumps inside of her mouth and turns into the train. I think what we will do is there is a room of, she is a balcony, but she also has her aviary, where she sends messages to her sisters. It is not the nicest room, but it would be a good place where we can, it is sound guarded in the way

that the creatures inside will not wake her while she sleeps. So we will sneak into the room, and head into the aviary, and in there we can make the plan for what we will do in getting into the dollhouse, okay? Lead the way, Mishka. I'm with you. And she leads you up the stairs,

opens the door, you all slowly make your way into the room. And this is unlike anything else that you've seen in this place. Almost everything about this bedroom is orderly. From the bed with a patchwork quilt to the ornamental pigs arranged in a neat, row on the dresser. Such tidiness is at odds with the decaying dollhouse sitting on the bedside table. This three-foot-tall edifice has seen better days and is now besmirched by peeling paint, mold,

and rot. Behind the dollhouse by the window, moths flutter inside a large bell jar, facing one another along the outer wall or a pair of doors. Next to the door closest to the staircase is a wooden rocking cradle with a neatly folded blanket in it. And lying atop the bed is the small form of sowpick, snoring softly. We are going to go into that door over there. Follow me. And you watch as she kind of moves along the wall. Slowly, every creek of the floorboard, she stops and waits.

The sow pig stirs a little bit, but goes back to sleep. And eventually she makes it to the door, slowly opens it, and allows you, ushers you all in, and follows behind you. with a soft click closes the door behind her. You now find yourself inside of an old, empty, you now find yourself in a room. Old empty birdhouses are nailed to the walls of this cramped room. And a dozen bird cages hang from the ceiling.

The cages are filled with tiny clockwork sparrows. As the bird's gears turn, the air thrums with rhythmic ticking. Paper and quills are heaped on a small writing desk under the cages. A pair of open windows overlook the forest beyond. carved into the wall above one window is the word hither and above the other is the word yawn. Next to you, this room is incredibly small. Next to you is a writing desk and on it very clearly are three freshly arrived letters. Those probably aren't important. Let's not read them. Let's read them. Let's read them. Let's, I wonder what I just fucking say.

Because they aren't, we can learn so much, especially for that. fucking little freak downstate. Allow me to open the letter. The first letter that you see. Sister, I don't have Aelidon's horn. If I did, I would use it to free bloody beak and send it after the jabber walk that lairs in the palace and hunts in your forest.

No matter what, Andalin says that the burbling beast of a dragon is a threat to our coven and our three realms. How the Billna managed to befriend it? I'll never know. Maybe we should ask her. Much love, Lorna. Wow, did she really write ha, ha, ha, ha.

She did. Sinister, it's sinister. Well, lucky for her, that little freak, I don't know what any of this says. No, wait. I read it out loud in the game. The next one is written in a more delicate scrawl. Lovely scab.

The last time I saw the unicorn horn, it was in your possession. Pity you lost it. But fret not, I have gazed into the ory of tragedies, and it is revealed to me that Alydon's horn will be found. If worse comes to worse, recall that Aelodon's mate still dwells in your forest. You could kill Lomorna and take her horn. Assuming, of course, you're not too busy making toys. Your darling, sister, end.

Oh, no. We can't let that happen. What if that's what she was doing? What? What if that's why she was way late and got he late? She was killing a unicorn or something? What if she killed the unicorn? Yeah, that would suck. Isn't she supposed to be hard to find?

I roll up one of the letters. Ben, Bricko. Maybe she's still safe and hidden. She's protected on that island, man. They can't get to her. Yeah, I hope so. And why now? There'd be no reason for her to know now

after all this time. If I misremembering, as long as the water stay pure and new and shit's in it. It's shrouded the unicorn. Oh no! To make the one point bhaer. You hear a muffled scream from downstairs. Mew-hmm.

This is weird. You move on to the final letter. Dear sister, there's no use asking Endelin if she has the horn. She doesn't tell us anything. But if we don't find it soon, I fear what the gem What the Weber Walk will do after it gets tired of prowling the forest and turns its fiery gales elsewhere? God's bodkins, that thing gives me nightmares. Must I remind you that we need a unicorn's horn to free creatures from the cauldron's time-freezing magic?

It's not enough to know their true names, you know. Of course, my greater concern is that someone else finds the horn and uses it for exactly that purpose. What do you think Zabillena will do to us with treacherous? three if she's no longer bound by her cauldron's magic. Your beloved sister, Lorna, and that is where we'll end the session. Wow. Guys, it's the key to all this. I knew it. I think, I knew it.

Well, that means we can't, we can't resurrect. What's his name yet? We just don't need the horn. Well, we can just bring him. I don't know. I can rip his horn up when he needed. Jesus Christ. I'm going to take this back.

So we have to like befriend the Jabberwark maybe. I know the session's over. The session's over. We'll be this later. Wow. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to,

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