Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 57 | Moving Yon

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

Witchlight returns! We find the Krew in a tough spot... Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/uAbsR4I-InM?si=7TC-9mJpMERsWLhR

Welcome to Legends of Evandris. I'm Nikki, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. The forest around you is nearly silent. Not even the ancient trees dare rustle their leaves as Babylona walks toward you. Trapped within a cage of brambles, all you can do is watch as she lifts all six glass vials towards the sun. The long rays reach out towards the vials like fingers as the light filters through the glass and casts the ground in streaks of red. Trapped within this thorny cage, the concept of time drifts away from you. It feels like mere moments since Will of the Fay Wild tasked you with rescuing the children. No, delivering the trapped children to his grove.

And yet it feels like so much time has passed since pincushion used her heartpin to turn you into the toys that allowed you to access the dollhouse home of Granny Nightshade. Only hours have passed since you made the deal with Granny Nightshade herself to kill Will of the Faye Wild and rid thither of his presence. And though the remnants of that fight still linger before your eyes, it feels like an entire year has passed. Looking around you, the Oni disguised as a child has fallen at your feet. As Bavlornah Blightstrae begins to speak, time catches up to you. Whether moments or years have passed while in the Faye Wild, you are here and this is now. Trapped within this cage of thorns, you were able to make out her words as they echo throughout the

quiet forest. You did exactly what I needed you to do. You went to get the picture for me, did you not? She twists the vial gleefully in her hands as she watches the play of red light as it dances across the grove and pricked your fingers on the thorns. The blood I need to thwart my sisters. Oh, this will be grand. This will be grand. The roots that make up your cage begin to thicken as the vines begin to knot, the wooden structure together, snuffing out the light, until you are wholly entombed within. The air inside is heavy and thick. You can already feel yourselves begin to struggle to breathe. All the while, Bavlornna can still be heard within the glade, mumbling to herself, words of praise for her clever deceit, or snapping orders to her

lorlornlings as they pick the glade clean. With no further use for you, Bavlornna pays you no mind. only expending enough energy to keep you trapped within this verdant tomb. The ground beneath your feet is soft. The air is heavy with moisture, and you are very quickly struggling to breathe. You can see nothing. The thorns have tightened so much around you.

You are in near pitch darkness. The ground beneath your feet is so soft, you can feel the worms that glide through the earth. You can smell the pungent smell of decaying leaves and other forest detritus. As you stand in this place, you reach around. You can feel each other. You know that you're all there. But as you breathe in, you feel the oxygen depleting from this place.

You know that with time, you will consume all of it. You listen. You can hear the sounds of Babylona outside as she, She is clearly still scavenging the oni for parts of potions. You hear her mumbling to herself about how her sister stand, no chance now, and little lornelings. Check the children, see what they have in their pockets, find everything that you can and bring it to me.

All the while she praises herself for the ruse that she got over on all of you. And then you hear the words, which one to consume first? The blood of the big one. the blood of the fiery one. What about the little green one? Excuse me? Look about that big.

Just kind of gangl. All of this you hear as you feel yourselves, once again, struggling to breathe. Breathe deep. Fuck, put up, fuck, fuck, fuck. No. I just start punching the wall.

Gideon as much as I. No, I can't. You're gonna use up all the oxygen. Oh, no, oh. Oh, he used to sit down. I need you to do. I need you to do. to roll for an attack, and I need you to roll at disadvantage.

I actually do have a quick question also. My character's sheet says that I have an intelligence of four for some reason. I believe that I was affected by some sort of effect or spell last session, but it's been some time. Am I still? Has it been a long rest? Been 13 months.

No, we got out of combat, and we definitely have not had a long rest. You have an intelligence to court. I don't say any of that. I don't know 27 hit points. Mm. Breathe more. Nicky, I roll a natural 20.

Okay. And then a six. It's plus eight. So I got a 14 to hit this thorn wall. You are able to hit it. You slam your fist into this thorn wall. You are going to take three points of piercing damage as the thorns slice into your knuckles. You are exerting tons of energy.

All of you can feel the oxygen to begin to deplete faster. as Gideon is pummeling into this wall, you feel yourself weakening with the energy that you're expending. As long as I have energy in my body, I don't care how bad the thorns hurt. I'm punching the wall as hard as I can to try and break out of it.

And how much damage did you do? Did you do? Oh, I'm sorry. I think this is D8. 12. Wow. I think, oh, and I might be able to have a little fire damage. Oh, 12 punching damage and six fire damage,

You feel like the fire damage does more than you had expected it to. The punching damage, I mean, you're punching into it. You see splinters of the brambles break away. They're dry, but where you punch part of them away, the magic that Bevlornah is funneling into this, you watch as they knot back into place. But it does seem to do a little bit of damage as you see the fire take hold and begin to crackle throughout the wood. And you see the embers.

burning within a few of these offshoot. It seems to do a bit of damage. You are feeling quite tired, though. Well, fuck, guys, I think I can get us out of here. I can burn this thing down. We're either getting out of here or I'll just burn up all the oxygen and we'll die. I don't know how that works.

I don't even know oxygen was a thing in the ventriced. Oh, fun. Maybe I'm not burning up all the antigen. But if it's working, just keep going. I also had a deal. Wasn't she on our side? Do we get double, double, double, double, bubble, double, double toiling, trouble, cross.

I couldn't have seen this. This is news to me. Grimmie, you said that we would make a deal. That was a good idea. That's what I thought, but I mean, I guess she's not killing us. But Flona, we have a deal. We would like to make another deal with you. And Dungeon Master, apparently Frost was turning to a child at some point last episode,

and that's why his intelligence is low. But how? You succeeded. Someone's saying, Oh, then you're not. We're unsure whether or not. You know what? For the sake of the fact that I didn't,

I don't personally care about those minute details, you're just regular frost. I'm back to myself. Wild. I immediately pop into the present, and I look around. I see the damage that Gideon is trying to do. I focus my mental energy.

and holding my breath, I will endeavor to push forward. I'm gonna try to cast... Are you, you're attacking again? As long as I have energy of my body, I'm plunged in the wall, with punches and fire. As much as I can.

I'm encouraging Gideon. Roll another attack roll at disadvantage and continue? I would like to cast this, like a fuck-you spell. Let's see if I can blast this space out. I'm going to cast a spell I have called pulse wave. Okay.

I create a cone of intense pressure, a 30-foot cone. and I decide that it pushes creatures and objects. 66 damage and unsecured objects are completely pushed back 15 feet. I'm going to endeavor to really like blast a full hole in this. We can either let oxygen in and even if it reforms or that we might be able to pour through it in the time that it takes to reseal. And what does this look like?

I focus my mind and all of a sudden the feeling of intense pressure fills the entire space. Even though we are feeling the lack of oxygen, this vacuum creates this intense feeling as all of a sudden everyone's ears pop. And all of a sudden, this rush of a vacuum appears to push through the thorn wares as my mind energy pushes in.

You all watch as Gideon is continuing to punch away at these brambles. You see as the just innate fire energy, that Gideon is imbued with with his fire genasi heritage is taking hold in some of these brambles and spreading a little bit further out as he is blowing apart pieces of this thing, reforging back into place, mere moments after punching through them. And you watch as Frost moves forward towards the center of this space. It's incredibly dark in here, and it's hard for the most part to make things out,

but your eyes are beginning to adjust. And you see as he makes his way towards the middle and he begins to channel his innate magics. And you watch as he focuses and concentrates and you wait as nothing happens. Frost, you feel yourself pushing out, but you also feel this nullification, this force cage, this magic cage around you that is not letting your magic reach the brambles. and though physical blows seem to have some sort of effect on this, as you feel that magic take hold, you just as quickly feel it extinguish. So I, the exertion is lost.

But it has no effect. My psionic powers are useless in here. There's no way for us to get out. There's more way. Oh, go ahead. Tormex has some confessions if we're going to die. Did you, did you, can you, I rolled a 25 to hit.

That's a disadvantage? That's a disadvantage. My lowest roll was a 17 and plus 8. Okay. And for punching, I got a 2. And for fire, I got a 5. Okay. Please ask your question.

You slam your fists in. You actually do two less damage to your punch, so it does nothing. And two less damage to the fire that spreads out from you as you are exhausted and you take one level of exhaustion.

Oh, shit. Oh, no! Chat, I have allegedly five levels of exhaustion. Is that true? Is that true? Probably. One more you're to us, right? And one more, I'm dead.

Oh. I have five levels. I don't know if I forgot. Someone who watched the most recent episode, I don't know. Yes. Your Selenite says yes. That, you do.

Good luck, you are dead. Oh, the T session. Okay, no, yeah, I cleared about a long time. Is, give you making any progress? It does seem like he's making a little bit of progress. But it's getting less effective. But it's getting less effective.

He is getting significantly more tired, and you are all beginning to suffer more from the lack of oxygen within this bubble. Don't worry for us. I don't know what that voice was. I apologize, everybody. No one think you was that was your Mongo man, Randy. I don't know what I fear, bro.

Hell fuck. Yes, sausage. Tell me what you need to. Do it. You're just play bad dog. Sausid. Oh, that's going to be more a bit. It's me, sauce.

Oh, my, right. Don't worry, Frost. That's very funny. Oh, that's my bad. It's been 13 months, everybody. Well, fuck, Frost. I was gonna say where the Mon fails. The biceps come in, but I'm getting

I'm tired, buddy. I don't think I'm fucking, I won't be locked up again in this big horn cage, man. But I can't, I'm hurting. Gosh. Stop breathing so heavy. I'm gonna see if there's anything in my pack that can help. I could transform into a burrowing

boule and dig us out of here. They can fucking do it. Oh, well, I'm all tapped out. You can do that the whole time? I got a big all glowing frog guy around here. Lisa's illuminating. I'm like spliced by my hands against the thing. Well, wait, if we need light, I can just

make flame real quick. I can make a bigger too and just right in the middle of space. I know if it's burning's burning big. Kian, I haven't been this winded since the rave at Salkon. Oh, that was a heck of a time, man. I mean, I didn't think you can do that many backflips in a row.

Remember Salkon? Are you, are you using your innate fire, Janossi? Oh, I'm producing flame all the men's plays again. You all immediately feel. the breath catch in your chest as the air is incredibly thick with smoke, as this roaring fire spills forth from Gideon's palms, just not a spell of any kind, but just the innate fire that roils within his genocci blood as it begins to drink up the little remaining oxygen

that's left in this place. Oh, now this is it. Torbeck always hoped to suffocate, but between thighs, not like this. not like this What the fucking do something about it? Okay, Torbeck will start by saying Gideon, Torbeck is really sorry. You know that special knife that you have

that Torbeck stole, and when you go to sleep, Torbeck uses it to trim his butt hairs. No, what? Torbeck doesn't know what else you use it for, but now is the time to come clean. Why would you just giving it back, man? I mean, that's my special night from the show. I do give it back at the beginning.

That's not what I mean. Every morning, Torbeck, places it before you wake up. No, every morning, but I used to have to trim my face. Every morning, you steal it and not? I'm sorry. You're trying to drink your buttons. Torrega's sorry.

While this is happening, I'm going to just try to, like, very nonchalantly walk behind Torbick and start looking at all of the stuff on his back and see if there's like a knob or like a green button. Just something to like get him going. Okay. Anything I'm going to tap it with my game. Roll a perception check for me, please. The venom button, the giant button that says it's

The plane button. The band button. Push the bean button. Wait a second. Did you say something? Did you say the, I thought we went to the Darkon concert, man. What was the Sarcon?

It was Saarcon. Sarkon? Well, I don't remember that one. You don't remember Sarkon? I don't remember Sarkon, man. What, I could have thought it was a different concert, man. I don't know if that was the name of it. It was worth a shot.

Griggo, are you there? I thought it was. Gregor were you there? I can't see you. What was it? Oh, it was. I was just. Are you okay?

Are you okay? Oh God, they played, oh, they played Caramel Denson. Oh, just one more before I die. Come on. Oh, gosh, you really drove a hard bargain. I got a name. You are attempting to look at these contraptions on Torbeck's back, and you see the tubing and where it connects to his flesh, but all along the tubing, and the glass casings that house the witchlight

that courses through his body. What is exposed? You see no openings. You see no levers. You see no buttons or knobs. You begin to attempt to look at where these contraptions actually connect into Torbik himself.

But his fur is so matted and filled with filth that you are unable, your hands slip on his greasy fur. And you break a nail. And it's strange. Every time you snap your fingers, you expect to be able to clean Torbeck, but your spell doesn't seem to work,

and it almost looks as if more filth has been created in the spots that you've looked, and you are unable to find any way to harness and use the witchlight. My magic snuffed out too. Yes. I attempt to communicate with Kremitz telepathically. Am I even able to use

simple, small, psionic abilities like telepathy? You reach out to Kremi's mind, and what do you say? Can you hear me? Are all our abilities suppressed in this moment? This is not a spell, is it? This is, well, I mean,

none of my spells are spells the way Kremi's are. Okay, you know what? We're not getting into that there. It's magic in the sense that it's telepathy, but it's psionic power instead of arcane power. Then it won't. It doesn't work. You stare at Kremi, and you see his crummy is just feverishly digging through Torbeck's matted fur.

And he seems to hear, he doesn't seem to take any notice. All right, Tolbeck, now's the time. Do so, please. Yes, Torbeck. All right, Grico, Torbeck is so, so sorry. One time when you were sleeping, Torbeck took your ocarina and got his tongue way up in there. What? In the holes, out of the holes.

How? How? How? Because of the she physically possible. Torbeck's not sure, but Torbeck's sorry. Did he was really sorry? Did he wipe off the mouthpiece? No, Dorbeck didn't have wear it with all for that.

Oh my. Torbeck tried, but it got hairy. It got worse. Is that why I started getting cold sores? Maybe. Oh, he hit it with the Yonah Super Snake. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Gideon knows about the Yonah Super Snake. I didn't know that you know about the Yonah Super Snake. If we survived us, we should talk about that. Oh, no. Torbeck, you need to look inside. You need to summon the other. It's the only way we're gonna survive.

Speaking of looking inside, Frost, sometimes. No, I don't wanna hear it. I will burn this oil and I will make a vulva gate on fire. Torbeck just takes your shoes. He doesn't go anything weird with them. I just gotta stare at them. They're nice shoes. They are nice shoes.

Thank you, Torbite. I started dating from my pockets. Okay. Are you looking for anything in particular? Yeah, I'm looking. Just, you see you see. Roll a perception check. Or an investigation check, actually, in this case.

12. You find a handful of things, literally. You find some old stubs. You find a witchlight ticket. You find a couple of kernels of unpopped popcorn. You don't know how those got in there. Condoms. You find an unused, you find a bag of cummies.

The gusher kind. I can't do math. Patrick, thoughts can't do a psionic thing. You can't turn into a fucking burrowing thing. Wait. Please, tool back. Don't make the bag. All right. Do you need some kind of bonus? I can cut you in for a better deal.

Stop, grimy. I also have, uh, I have everything in my pack. I have a mysterious scroll, uh, that I traded for one ounce of my fear. And I have a cube from Bavlona. Perhaps it. I, I manipulate the cube to see if it helps us unlock this prison. Roll and it. intelligence check for me. Just straight in.

Quick, Fras, use a cube. I'm going to use the serious dice for this. Use a cube. Not the beans dice. Just intelligence? Yes. You can add your modifier. Are things getting dire? You are really feeling

the eye. I have an idea. I want Frost go first and then I have a question. Surely this cube. You all watch as Frost begins to manipulate this cube. With a 10, I'm sure I can solve it. You watch as Ross moves the green cubes to one side, the yellow cubes to another, the white cubes to another, and the red cubes to another. And he's just mixing them all up. And he's flipping and twisting. And then you start to get it, Frost. This is simple. If you just twist to the left, if you just spin on the top. And eventually, about four minutes later, as you all are feeling lightheaded and struggling to, struggling to breathe.

Frost, you are able to solve this Rubik's Cube. That's it? Yeah. Frosty! I've done it. You've done it. Room, I've done it. Release us.

Are we free? Hold on, I have an idea! I know as hard as I can't against the wall. I know as far as I can't against the wall of the gate. Can you roll an attack roll disadvantage? Ha! Ha! I got my handkerchief.

Oh, 118. 11. I'm back. before I do anything after. Oh, God. I'm sweating. To grim and sake. I got 15. 15.

You, sorry. Roll to, roll to attack. Or like, roll, roll damage. Oh, improvise weapon. Oh, gosh, I have a default. Oh, God, what's my strength? Five points, fine points of damage. You throw this cube at the wall,

and you see that the corner of it sinks into one of the thorny brambles and you, as it cracks open, you see some of the burning embers from the damage that Gideon had been doing. As the cube itself lodges into the brambles, a couple of the red cubes fall out and land on the floor onto the ground, you see them sinking down into the earth.

And you feel exhausted the energy that it took for you to throw that cute with significant. All of you feel the oxygen diminish just a little bit more. You are to a point now where even keeping your eyes open is difficult. You're beginning to feel incredibly tired. You imagine you have minutes. When you go to sleep at night,

does your cane disappear? No, it's just a cane. It's not like a half thing. It's just a focus. It's like a wizard's rod. I take it deep. Turbite takes in you, breath. Mr. Gramey, sometimes at night when you're sleeping, Torbeck riser cane like a pony.

He gets it way up in his butt crack and just prances around the room wherever we're staying and pretends that it's a pony. Torbeck's so sorry. And then I'm going to go in my pocket. And I'm going to start to see if I can find the things that I had on me before we got in here. And I go to look for my chest piece. Roll an investigation check to see what you find.

Investigation, I got a 18. Yeah, you very quickly. I mean, you don't carry much on you. You move your licorice to the side, that huge rubber hose that you chew on, and you move aside what looks like a bunch of incredible magical items and some spell scrolls and some very powerful fay artifacts that you've collected on the way. None of those are important. As you find this chess piece, and you pull it out, you hold it in your hand as you wheeze out another breath,

barely able to stand. And I'm gonna say into it. Oh, Mr. King, we're dying. Torbeck doesn't wanna die. We need help, please. Is that why I thought there was just a smell I couldn't get out? I'm still holding the jespeas.

Yes! The smells from dormant! Tell them, tell him we got one of your fins, but we just eat some top for the other stuff. We'll agree with us, because we got one of the things, but we need more time. I had a guitar case once that smelled like literal shit. And no matter what I did, I sprayed it with Flaz.

I tried to scrub it and wash it, no matter what I did. Faye breeze. It just smelled like shit. And, you know, I was wondering, am I cursed? Because my cane, I mean, since you came, it explains a lot to- Kind of cursed, you're kind of cursed, yeah. Do you understand?

I'm gonna come slowly walk up the Torbair. You are struggling, but you are somehow finding the energy to move towards him. Using your cane to stabilize yourself. A relic from the realms of death. You're telling me, every night, you put it between your legs. Not every night, no, just because the night's the Torbeck things he won't get caught.

Well, let's see if we can prime the pump, and I will take a syringe of witchlight from my jacket. I try to stab it in the side of Torbeck's neck. I don't move. I let that happen. Dorebeck's like dying. This is all I got.

You stab Torbeck, and you feel the witchlight overwhelming you. Inside of yourself, you can hear a voice. You can hear the yell, you can hear, you can feel the anger as it overwhelms you. But there is just not enough oxygen for either one of you to stay conscious.

There is not enough oxygen for any of you to stay conscious. I need you all to roll a wisdom saving throw. 16. Oh, I'm fucking toast. I gotta eat. 16. 19. 11. All of you fall unconscious.

As you do, however, you see a flash of blue. You feel your faces slide against and into the murky ground at the base of this. Guy, I keep hitting this thing. It's right in light. Not an Italian hand motion range. Do something. Don't be, please. All of you feel yourself sinking down into the soil.

As my mysterious cube. You begin to slowly sink into the ground. You feel thorns wrap around you. Not the same that we're holding you via Bavillorna. These are verdant. You feel like you're unconscious. You're not seeing this, but you're seeing it. It's as if you're dreaming as you feel yourselves

being lifted up and held aloft by these beautiful verdant blue rose bushes. You're held within them, cradled within them, as vine after vine shoots out, breaking apart the force cage that you're in. You hear the sound of the forest explode around you, but you can't open your eyes as you struggle to breathe. You are trying to drink in gulps of air,

but your bodies have already given up as these thorny branches reach out. And even though you cannot see, even though you in this moment can do nothing, it's as if you are watching this happen in your own minds. You can hear Bavlona as she begins to panic. She looks out. Though you don't see her do this, you know intrinsically that she's looking out towards you as she yells out, wondering what has happened here, as all of a sudden all of your eyes open up immediately. And you realize that the rose bush that you felt that you were being held within

is not this small, beautiful, verdant rose bush, but this gigantic, absolutely monstrous blue rose bush. These blue roses are roughly the size of two, maybe three Torbeck heads, and in the very center of them are mouths, all of them closed. As these thorny vines reach out towards Babylon, Lorna and wrap her up. She is holding these six vials of blood in her hand. All of them no longer stop her. In this moment, you could see that everything that she had done in this grove, she had completely taken apart the ony and pocketed all of the pieces of the ony that she could use

for her potions. All of the children, their satchels have been taken from them. Anything of value that was in this place has been taken. The Lornellings are slowly leaving. this grove with everything in tow. Her final act to down this blood that she holds in her hand as these thorny branches reach out and stop her hands. You watch as they slowly wind

up towards the vials. And all of the mouths begin to chant. This will be grand. This will be grand. This will be grand. This will be grand. This will be grand. This will be grand. This will be grand. This will be grand. And you see as the mouths open, rows and rows of iron teeth begin to chatter.

Hundreds and hundreds of blue roses filled with maws of iron teeth. Bavlornah's face looks absolutely horrified. As she looks around, she is panicked as her hands begin to shake. And you watch as the blood begins to spill out of these vials. As she is shaking and panicking, the blood is. groping into the thorny vines, almost as if the vines themselves are drinking them up. You watch as the thorny vine drinks down one vial, two vial, three vial, four vial, five vial, six vials of blood, the only blood being the last as it begins to chug it down.

The blue roses get larger and larger as the teeth continue to chatter. This will be grand, this will be grand, this will be grand, this will be grand. as Bavolona looks out and says, this cannot be true. What is this magic? This cannot be. I must still end. I must still scabitha.

Mother, please. Oh, how have you harnessed her magic? Who are you? You are wrapped in mother's love. What is this? What is this? And as she begins to panic, You watch as the vines finally sink up the last bit of blood and slowly begin to recoil around you, almost encircling you in a loving embrace.

Navlornah is no longer trapped by this as she looks out towards you a look of pure, unadulterated fear on her face as she very quickly hollomorphs into a frog and darts into the forest directly towards loomelurch. Her voice ringing in your head, I must tell end. I must tell scabatha. Wrapped in mother's love. All the while, the blue roses are slowly shrinking. The mouths getting smaller and smaller. This will be grand, this will be grand, until they all shrink, shrivel up. Blue petals line the ground as they begin to decay and recoil.

And you find yourselves standing in this grove, no sign that. that this cage had ever been around you. No sign that these horrific blue roses had sprouted from somewhere within the midst of all of you. And you gasp for breath. You're finally able to take in gulp after gulp, but your chest hurts, your lungs are on fire.

And you look around for whatever could have caused this thing to happen. But you are left here in this space. You look out towards where the tree that this grove had been built around had been and you see that it is completely desiccated. Rotting dead, this rotting dead tree housing, a dilapidated tree house. The bodies of the children litter the ground.

Completely motionless. I did it. Cray! I did it. Frusty, your cube did it. I say, I saved the whole. I'm not sure it was the cube. I don't know if you saw that.

It was the cube. No, it was crazy. I'm not saved the day by throwing it at the face. No, no, no, Kirby, I don't know how you knew that all this shit was gonna happen, man, but that was awesome! I felt right, man. You just injected it with a bunch of witch-lid and all that crazy shit happened! Torbeck, can you do that? No, but what Torbeck did was lie about everything he said before.

None of that was true, and we can all just pretend like it didn't happen. Oh, witch-lite works in mysterious ways, but... ways. Let's focus on the fight in the world. Torbeth, I need you to roll a Constitution saving throw for me, please. I, oh. Thank God. I am looking for Cootsie.

I don't really care about the children. Hootsie is still chained up next to, why can't I remember the other Albor's name? Juniper. Juniper, thank you. Next to Juniper, and they are chained up by the cage that Bavlornah had exited from right behind

the ground littered with children at the very base of this dead tree. Who see? I trip over children as a human children and elf children. As I try to get to see. You do. Frosty's cute, save us all. Don't worry. And I'm going to go over to her wall. You do. And in doing so, it's very quick to see that these children are not dead.

As you trip over the first one, you hear groans. Get out of my way. Their eyes slowly flitter open. They look confused. You begin, the air begins to be filled with the sounds of confusion and crying as these children slowly awake. And they begin to cluster together almost in this, this unit of safety. They huddled together. They all look incredibly scared. None of them seem to recognize any of you. From the moment that we woke up and we got our breath back and Grico said, Oh, your cube did it. Frost. That's silly. That's ridiculous.

Frost would go into his pack, and he's looking for what saved us. I would pull the spectacles out. That gives me advantage on perception and the ability to see invisible fake creatures. And I will look about to see if I can spy what the actual cause of this is. I got a 16 on my constitution saving. Oh, you feel the other inside of you. attempting to claw its way up for a moment. You begin to see the world through the haze of witchlight.

But just as quickly as that happens, you hear Kremi shouting that he saved everybody. And you come to, you are able to temper down the entity inside of you and stop it from taking over. But only barely, only so. You do, however, feel the witchlight coursing through you and you imagine that on attack rolls for the foreseeable future, you'll be rolling at advantage.

Noted, thank you. I get a dirty 20 as I look about with my spectacles. You look around. Once again, your attention is drawn to Kremi, who is calling out that he did this, he did this. You watch as Rico runs towards the tree, and you see that littered throughout the treetops, there are an array of different fay creatures,

but none of them seem to be the cause of this. They seem to be darting in and out of little knots within the boughs of the tree, places that they had called themselves home. You see some of them moving out, this tree is dead now. This is not a place for them any longer. You scan the children that are all coming to and joining into this little huddle of children, is they're muttering to themselves, wondering what happened. and clearly their memory, having no memory of the fight

that they had gotten into with you, or even at this moment, who you are, as you watch Gideon turn towards Kremi, pat him on the back, and present him with accolades for what he did in saving you. And it is in that moment that you see, that you see a tendril of thorny rose, a small remaining thorny rose,

remaining thorny vine slink around Gideon's side and retreat into his pack. Clear's day to me. You're checking them with which light did something crazy. All this stuff happened and they were free. You know, I'm always saying it practice the ABCs. Always be coming up with schemes. You do always say that. You don't mention it. It's a class of Crimea. I mean, always be coming. I'm always saying it. Pitchie, oh, fuck. Dang it, Jeremy. Dang it.

Dang it, all you instrument named children. Get out of my way. Is Hootie all right? I'm going to try to see. Is she all right? Is she chained still? Is there a lock? A padlock?

Both Hootsie and Juniper are chained to this tree. They both seem to be completely unharmed. Though you do notice that it looks as if there are patches of fur that have been removed from both of them, most likely in the scavenging of the lornlings, as well as you see that some of their nails have been clipped. Albear nail clippings had been taken also for the purpose of spells and things. And with Hootsey specifically, you notice that one of her eyes,

all of the eyelashes are missing. After everything we did in our father-daughter makeover session, the joint man he pays we had? Do you know how long? How many videos are there to watch? having pamphlets. Your shit! I will suffocate and you will watch all of your friends be killed.

I'm sorry you see. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, fie tools. I need fees tools. Somebody give me fees tools. Maybe tries claws, man. I don't have anything. Yeah, surprisingly an item that I don't have. How, how far is the tree?

You roll an intelligence check for me. These new fucking sits, I should have killed all of them. I hate those little fucking gods with a stupid little eyes. Uh, oh, intelligence, I think I'm going to get a little. Is it the trees all right? Yes, it's not a high intelligence check. Though you are, well, you need a little more than that.

That's failed. You need a little more than that. You are panicking. So something that you might have noticed in your usual day-to-day activity is something you're not going to notice now. Hootsie is your child and she is in distress, though she's not harmed. She is whimpering and panicking as she is trying to get to you. but she is, she's unable to truly come into contact with you because of the chains that manacle her to, to this tree.

Um, and any, any ability to free her goes unnoticed. Say, uh, yeah, wasn't that tree a guy? Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, I was right. Man. Oh, weren't they like coming alive and shit like them and like smack of us? No, I mean, yeah. Well, that guy's now clearly very dead. Oh, so you're saying, like, set the tree on fire?

No, no, no, well, what are you saying, man? I sound like Grico was distressed, emotionally, mentally. I mean, who wouldn't be? I'm sure his gratitude from the fact that I saved everyone's life. They could close! They took our own lashes and some patches of fur that we just perfectly groomed. And the night all sleep over party. Why don't you go break around the cave?

All right, well, let me see what. I need thieves, too. Somebody give me feet those. Let me take a swing at it, man. Let me take a swing at it. I don't have thieves tools, but let me see if I just break the chain or something, all right? I got a crowbar.

Tool bank. That's very nice. Okay. There, there. Roll to attack on the chain. Don't worry. Oh, hang on, Yutie. We'll get you out of here.

Oh, wait, a disadvantage or normal? No, just normal. I'm going to say it's a natural point. I would say that. I would say that. It is easy for you. You place the crowbar in one of the weaker links and you rip it apart and in seconds Hootsie lumber

just forward towards you, Brookeow, completely pouncing on top of you as she rolls around. She hoots at your neck, showing as much affection as Hootsie possibly can. And I'll say with that natural 20, you are also able to easily break juniper free. It was an unintentional thing, but the chains themselves crumble and Juniper is able to free herself.

She looks horrified, but she looks towards all of you and she chooses to stay in case she's needed. Those little sits gave you a Karen haircut. Ah, those fuckers will pay! I'll run forward. Is she all right? Is Hoosie okay? I think so, she just, it's all cosmetic, but just, oh. I mean, it's fine, it's fine, you look great, you look great.

You look great. You look great. You look great. fix will give you a nice touch up. I'm glad she's all right. I'm going to walk up to the pile of children on them. And I'm going to start rolling them over with my cane. They're awake. They're awake.

Yeah, as Rico stumbled over them, he started to wake them up. And they've huddled together. They're not like a pile of Swedish fish. They look, they look absolutely horrified. They very clearly don't know what's going. on. It's as if they have no memory of the fight that they were in or even why they were here. And even though some of them you do remember, none of them seem to remember any of you as they all cling to each other. Some of them are crying. You do notice one older child, a Sater girl who

seems to be almost mothering them as she is walking around, consoling the ones that seem to be in the most distress, perpetually keeping an eye on all of them. of you making sure none of you are getting too close. What a do young children? Her name's Cremantle LaCrew and we are carnivala crew and we've saved all your lives. Who has rich parents? Anyone?

You. Roll a persuasion check at disadvantage. She's wearing a flower sack of the dress. This is the ABC's in working for about out. I'd pay attention. You're seeing the mass. At this advantage.

Yeah. 22. Oh, you see that, let's go. You see this one child, one of the smallest of the children, definitely one of the youngest, stumbles out from the middle. My parents are really rich.

Oh, you don't say, well, what's your name? You hear a bunch of them, get back here. Get, but what are you doing? No, no, come here. No, no, come. Pro, pro, get back here. What are you doing? Come on, I say you at. As they try and pull you, pull this child forward,

Prue smacks them off, but not to me. And Prue rushes forward. My parents are rich. Wait, is it Prue or Pearl that I'm talking? Prue. Prue is who you're talking to. Did I hear your name's Prue? Yes, my daddy doesn't pay any attention to me. But he's got lots of money.

And my mommy doesn't pay any attention to me either. Well, does she have money too? They're both so rich. You don't say. Well, come on, little child. Let's get you home. Do you have to? chocolate.

Torbeck has licorice. Mommy told me to never go with anyone unless they had chocolate. Oh, she said unless they have chocolate? I think that's what she said right. Prue. Oh, chocolate. I have a sick of more seed.

I don't. I don't. Only if they have chocolate. What about licorice? What's licorice? I'll show you. Can I, can Torbeck have your knife again?

No, man. Dorek will give it right back. You have to stop doing weird stuff with it, all right? What are you going to do with it? No, you got to commit. A piece of licorice. And that's it. And then you're going to hand it back.

Torbeck swears. Oh, wait a minute. Listen, hand it back this time, all right? I think Prue got it wrong. I think she said, don't go as adults if they have for you chocolate. It's probably right. I cut a piece of liquorish off and I hand it to this child. Chocolate's not.

Licarish isn't chocolate. and it's delicious. You wouldn't be breaking the rules if I took licorice from an adult, right? It's fine. It's good. All right. What does it taste like? Deliciousness?

The ambrosia of the gods. It's intertube tire. It's like just rubber tubing. Yeah, see? There it is. That's the taste. It's the back of the road. You watch as Prue rips off a piece and attempts to swallow it.

it. It's a small piece. It's only about like maybe an inch and a half of... Prue begins to choke. It's kicking in. It's kicking in. No, she's not going to be more merely as much dead. That's the good stuff. Somebody fucking save her. Save her. She's enjoying licorice.

Prue's face begins to turn blue. Oh! I love this. I learned this. I learned this in a class. I'm going to I think she's just a word to. I'm going to try to learn what I learned in my parenting classes.

It attempts to help her not choke. You're too. Roll a medicine check. She's not dying. And I will say because you have Hootsie, you would be familiar with the kind of stuff. You can roll at advantage. But I think you probably got a natural 20. I got a 19 and a natural one.

Thank God. 19 plus 5 is a 24. You are, you grab Prue. You've had to do this with Hootsie before. When she's gone into things she wasn't supposed to and you grab Prue and you grab Prue and you grab Prue and you, you grab Prue and you, very quickly give them the FAMLIC maneuver, and you are able to dislodge the rubber tubing

from her throat, and she slowly begins to breathe. But you're expecting anger or frustration, but the biggest smile alights on Prue's face. That is the Sventura. Well, that was a tour back like every time he's Ligorous. I mean, what's crazy is that we've saved a laugh twice What disgusting. I've never tasted anything so foul. So Rebecca pick up the piece that she coughed up and he did.

Let's just leave him out of the store we tell your parents, all right? Yeah, no, no, we don't want to tell, uh, he. Thank you so much, sir. You saved my life. It's okay, uh, little child. Just, just, uh, don't, anything that people that look like this guy give you, don't put it in your mouth. What is that supposed to mean? My throat hurts. Uh, well, you. You should probably...

I feel lightheaded. Here, have all you children... See, don't give them candy. It's all empty calories. Here, it's locked on saun on December ween. All these people get a given lock. Kingstarts candy bars. Omnicana House, what gives a fruit.

So I'm going to basically cast a bunch of bananas. Bananas for everybody. Everyone have a nutritious snack and get your electrolytes and get your potassium. You... You cast me. Bonannias and you watch a veritable avalanche of Bonanias spill out of the air and they rain down over these children but these children don't trust you.

They've just watched you almost kill their friend. They warned not to go anywhere near you. They're screaming as Bananias are smacking them on the head. They're trying to bat them away. They all look nervous. However, Prue reaches out and grabs one looking incredibly excited as she begins to unravel the banana and scarf it down, all the while, um, saying,

Ouch, Ouch, oh my throat hurts. Ouch. And shouldn't still hurt. Ouch. Ouch. Go away after a while, you know. Ligris is just kind of harsh sometimes. I think my esophagus is torn.

At least you know the word esophagus. Well, that's, well, no, I mean. I went to private school. That's because you were. My parents are really rich. I had a nanny. Wait, wait, wait, wait, I mean, you had a nanny? Yes.

How many? Just one? Well, I had different nanny depending on how often father was at home. Oh, my God. All right, um, where do you parents live? They live in the summer court. All right, summer court. All right, we know somebody from the summer court, don't we? Oh, we do?

Oh, yeah, Tava! Yeah, that's right. You know I'm with the pistachio. Good fucking poor. I can't fucking believe. I pulled that holy shit, Grickow! Oh, look at the big friend, Uncle, everybody. Shuddy, little green.

That was really cool. Just back up for a moment. You had a different nanny depending on whether your father was home. Yes, Mother God. Was your father Robin Williams? No. Was it really attractive nanny there when your dad was home? All of my nannies were attractive,

and Mother hated every single one of them. I see. Well, that checks out. I wonder why that is. I don't know. They were all very nice to me, though. Well, look, we're gonna find a way to get you home. And as long as, you know, we can make sure that you're safely within the possession of your rich parents,

then you've nothing to worry about. All right? All right. I need somebody. Why are you looking at me? I don't know. Can everyone else come with me? I don't want to be alone.

Oh, I think they all have their own parents. I mean, the ones? How about which one of you is an orphan? Raise your hand. Which one of you has dead parents? Raise your hand if you have dead parents. How many of you won't be missed? How many of you will not be missed?

You watch as every single one of them raises them. You're all orphaned. We knew this. Wait a minute. Well, they're not all orphans, but they're all raising their hands that they won't be missed. They're all raising their hands. Some of their parents. No, you know him.

Oh, which one of you is an orphan? About half of them raised their hand. Okay, everyone who just raised their hand, you walked at this side of the corpse of Lidil-Loke. The tree. Roll a persuasion check. One time of parents wouldn't miss their kids. Everyone suddenly is 17.

The kids look towards you. They look towards Prue, who is the smallest of all of them. And you notice a kinship where it seems that they all feel like maybe big siblings to this child. And as they look about, though they don't seem to trust you yet, they seem like they're getting there and you see about half of them move

to one side of little over here. Don't worry, I learned how to save her also from the rap from the child casino. I know how to talk to children. I said, when I say, happy you say birthday, happy? Birthday. Birthday. Birthday.

Birthday. Time to rock out with some cheese pizza. birthday. Okay. So all of you would have parents. Where are your parents? I'll call it out at once. You hear them all erupt.

You hear things like Yona. You hear things like Autumn Court. You hear things. You hear Barovia. You hear all of these random places. Some of them you recognize. Most of them are names wholly unfamiliar to you. Oh.

No, no, no. You can stop. You can stop. You can stop. All the children that went to private school stand over here on the side of the tree. There is a strange, an oddly large amount of children that went to private school, as you see about 80% of them move to one side. I mean, apparently the Faye Wild has a public education system, which is good to know. I believe all of these children have been stolen into the Faye Wilde. Didn't you hear from where they were from where they were from? Well, she said she was from the summer court.

He'd say he was from the autumn court. This one said that he was from Borobia. I don't know the meaning of the word, Gazuntat. Are we going to try to return all these children? Well, I mean, maybe we just ask if any of them went to private school and are from here. And then we just like, you know, like,

oh, shit, your house is right there. Well, let's walk you up. Prue, Prue, okay. Yes. You've never been to the charge to see now. Let the professionals do the talking. Oh, daddy loved to gamble and drink alcohol. Well, sounds like my husband.

Oh, God. So, I mean, that goes to show that if he can hold his liquor and gamble and still be wealthy, he's a responsible adult. That's what the child's, the rat man said. Okay. I saw Mommy crying once saying that we didn't have any more money. But prude?

Is that prude at that? What did you say? Maybe he's got a secret bank account she doesn't know about it. I mean, he's got to have something on side. Yeah, you think. Well, maybe for at least some of the bag. Mommy would say that all the time.

If your father doesn't stop what he's doing, he's going to gamble away our fortune. And then she would cry. Hmm. Wow. Did he stop? Did he stop? No, I was stolen in the middle of the night.

Who stole you? This is gonna be a wild goose chase. You know what, forget it. Forget this scheme, bad scheme, and only on a time brunch or something. Wait. You were scheming, scheming with these orphan children? I'm not scheming with them.

I'm not scheming about. Fishing to ransom. Well, not necessarily ransom, but maybe negotiate a genuine reward. And then of course we'd said the implication that they, you know, I mean, they'd never say no. What's your definition of a ransom then? Well, you say hello, Mr. and Ms. Prue's

parents. We have your daughter and if you'd like to see you're like unharmed and safe we'd like to negotiate a reward. No. Is that not a ransom? Yes, we're not doing any of this. Is that a ranch? Well, that's kind of around what we were setting up to do. Even if we had the means, these a dozen children into the prime material plane, we can't do that.

We can't go back to the mortal world right now. We've got too much to do. We would say why to do, miss lady? My mommy said to me once, I wish you had never been born. I would still have the body of a 20-year-old. Damn. Wow, Torback is not emotionally prepared to handle this. I don't think we're going to get anything for any of them.

So you know what? Schemes canceled, all right? You mean rescue plan? Good luck, children. Don't do that, no. Go on. Stay, stay, children. Go on, man.

You see that some of them out. Get out of here, scrap. Some of them walk out into the forest and just disappear. Look, you lost like three or four of the children. No, that was at least 47 of them for hosting. Learn to count, man. What are we supposed to do about it? Okay, parents.

Well, Robin, at least take a banana with you. It'll at least be good for one. Okay. You were the one that just said we couldn't possibly get them back home. I was picturing a dozen in my head. You're picturing much more children than I am, Gideon. You're picturing much more. They were probably about, well, there were 25.

There were probably like 21 now. See, they're only 21 now. Are those kids gonna get ripped apart in the Fayewall? We can't possibly. We were 12 for a bunch of kids. Okay. This is going south. Sorry headphone users.

The rest of you, stay where you are. Oh Oh they're singing They're singing children they're saying happy birthday Happy birthday rocking jemies rocking birthday Let's eat pizza Let's go to the arcade Get some quarters for get some gobble pieces from your parents

One of the kids is like a birthday and runs into the woods Now we're 20, why did you say that? No one else going to the woods Stop going into the woods What is what you're supposed to do? We're not going to I don't know what to do with these 20 orphaned children. Don't look at me, but we can't send them into the woods. It's clear that they're being murdered.

I mean, they're just, I mean, they're singing birthday, happy, birthday, happy. Birthday! Oh, fuck. Look, can we get away from this rotten corpse and this fucking dead tree guy? Derek, what face is this, this tree on half? Yeah, we need to get away from that treat right away. This is a nightmare. This place is a bummer.

Look at this. Look at this. Look at the tree. Yeah, I mean, because didn't he have members of his gang? Didn't they all live up the tree that's dead, though? Yeah, they did. So you know that those were children. They weren't in league with the ony. There were children from the factory.

Yes, that you brought here. And as I mentioned, that none of them, even the ones that you have met, recognize you. But do we recognize them? Yeah, there are a few of them. You even see Mishka. She was the little girl that helped you plan

and make your way here. She seems to be one of the most scared, hasn't said a single word as she walks into the forest and runs away disappearing. No, wait, Mishka. No, I'm kidding, she doesn't. She is staying. She stays within the grouping of children.

But it seems that whatever magic Will of the Faywild used when he took his ony form enthralling the children, their memories of a lot of things seem to be wiped. You are listening to them speak, and a lot of them don't even know how they got here. They just remember being taken in the night. Oh, we're going to do something. This tree's rotten quick.

It's really not rotting, though. No, no, no. You can hear it, right. I don't ever see the tree rot so quick. It was like the first time you pour eggs into a pan. It's disgusting. How about we just start walking in the direction? Like, maybe the kids follow, maybe they don't.

But, you know, I mean, at least then they'll have had the ability of free will. No, oh, but if anybody like any authorities come up and they say, oh, what do you do with all these children? There's a bad look at it. What's a bad look? I think we say, oh, we have all these kids. We're taking it from foreign native women being. If that happens, I hope the monster just swoops out of the sky and kills all of us instantly. Grigo, could you talk to Juniper?

Perhaps Juniper has some idea of where we might be able to take 18 orphan children. What did the other one get? Okay. Miska, you stay here. Make sure you stay here. I feel like you're the most relevant. You have an air of destiny about it. you, Mishka. You should probably stay here.

She looks at you, her eyes completely cross. We're gonna need more fly pads. Okay, you go. That's right. Yeah, yeah, chicken jockey. Chicken jockey, yeah. Cracket D-1. It's funny because that didn't exist, 13 months. Yeah, no, it does.

Yeah, yeah. That's right, that's right. Okay, okay, good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, will I get everyone the rat snack meal? Okay, uh, Juniper, uh, do you know? Are you talking to the owl bear?

Yeah, okay. Oh, Juniper. We are very much wondering if you know of any place that would be safe for children that have parents, because we, frankly, are not equipped to provide for the safety or the needs of any of these children. I barely make it with Hootsey, who is. I know I'll be like yourself, but it's not a humanoid child.

You understand that, right? And how are you communicating with her? I'm just, I'm talking to her. We've spoken common at Juniper before. Right. But Juniper has never spoken common to you. So you, she makes motions. Well, roll a persuasion check.

Not an animal handling check? The juniper has led us and indicated things, and I'm hoping to rely on her intelligence and knowledge of the world through Gricko's amiable animal quality. Persuasion isn't eight, an animal handling would be a 14. You, that works. You are able to get her to attempt to communicate with you through a series of hoots. These are not the same hoots that you're familiar with when it comes to hootsie. And so you're not able to decipher them the same way that you can with your companion. But what you can tell is she does seem to know of a place, what that place is or who that person may be, but you have no way to know.

Hmm. Often she knows where to go. Was the tree guy the only one killed? It looks like it. That poor fuck. Well, him and the ony, of course. Yeah. You know, I know, but like, of all the non- horrible monster people, he got a bummed deal, is all I'm saying.

Cremies looking up at Lil'Oak. What is coming is. Thank you, dude. I gotta feel bad. I mean, just look at them. Oh, God, I can't look away. And also, don't look at the, the ony that's been dissected. It's like, it's spleen.

Oh, he's, like, torn apart. I got butcher pigs in my face. pigs and placed. I'm literally a butchard. Okay, children, okay. Yeah, okay. Over here, Flinton Steel, Frances and Steel. Okay, children. And say V-Bucks. Everyone say V-Bucks. Over here.

They're paying attention to you. You are... Juniper here is an owl bear. And I know she looks like a monstrosity what is known for being a ruthless predator and eater of meat and flesh. Especially humanoid flesh. However, she is friendly.

Doesn't eat children. That's right. And she knows where she's going. She is going to lead you to a safe place, and she will protect you, and leave you to the same place, and will take you probably, maybe home. the people that she needs you to

will be able to, no, no, no, no, chicken jockey, flitted steel. You see some of their eyes that were crossing. They slowly focus and they look back at you and start paying attention again. Oh my God. Okay, jingle jangle. Okay, over here, over here.

Wouldn't have been a chicken dinner on Victory Royale. Okay, over here, over here. And you follow our juniper and you will be safe. And if anyone asks, you don't know any of our names. You looking at them, they don't look like they know any of your names. So that won't be a problem. Maybe Mishka, but.

If anybody asks who it was at Settinue of Juniper, you tell them it was, or what is it a grand reward? That won't be. Probably some terrible fucking flakers. You tell them it was all of the loneliness. All the loonlings from downfall told you to go

and do it, okay? They all in unison. Okay. Okay. Okay. Some of these kids are talking about some of the amount of rocking horse and a pincushion and silver needles. Does that ring a bill to anybody?

Huh? I don't know what any of the fuck that means. Hmm? Hmm. Yeah. Saying it again. Something about a rocking horse? I know. Or like a silver needle or something. Rocking horse sounds vaguely familiar.

Wait a second. Something about a pincushing. Wasn't there, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wasn't there like a unicorn? There was a rocking horse up at the place that we rode on? I don't know.

There definitely was a rocking horse. I don't know if there were a... Hang on, hang on. I mean, wasn't that? Remember we met that unicorn on the island? No, I remember that unicorn. Well, but when they're looking for a unicorn in the castle, they turn them into a rocking horse? Gentlemen.

Oh, they won't. Yes. And you have the horn, man. No, but then we learned that that was not true and that the unicorn is in yon. But we thought maybe for a hot second, he was. Oh, that's right. The unicorn is imprisoned in yarn. We know that in a lightning cage, which is pretty freaking cool. But what you did learn was that you could use the horn on the rocking horse to make it fly.

Oh, that's right. And it became a mountain. it became a mount similar to your lily path. I probably made a rocket horse. Fuck you guys. I fly to the sky and attract the attention to the Jabber. You hear the song, Cremie in the sky with diamonds and begins to play.

And then a loud roar erupts as the Jabber Walk swoops down and just consumes him in one. No! He's gonna be all right, Gideon. Oh, he's right here. Yeah, easy. That didn't happen. But you do imagine yourself doing that.

Before you realize that flying into the sky here would be a death sentence, as this is, as you have learned through the letters that you have on your person from the hags, that this is the domain in which the Jabberwock flies free. I pull out a huge stack of letters and I pull this rubber band around them. No, no, no, no, didn't read. No, no, no. Yeah, and then I find that letter. Oh, I have a number of letters. Okay. Should I read these? Anything good? Okay. For my guess is. I was probably going to do it anyway.

I feel like we all experienced a great amount of brain damage from the oxygen loss that we experienced in the force gate. Hey, children, over here, water bucket release, water bucket. Up, yeah, finish deal. Who wants to not, who wants to listen to boring old Frost reading letters? You are saying this as Juniper. is saying goodbye to Hootsie. You see that they are hooting at each other

as they're slowly nuzzling into each other. Hootzee looks sad to be losing her friend. But she seems to understand as Juniper looks between all of you, and you have gone on adventures with this owlbear. You rescued her from the broken wagon that had held her captive. You have, for the most part, kept her safe,

and you have always been kind to her. And though she doesn't seem like she wants to leave, it's almost as if there's a sense of reciprocity for the kindness that you have done for her as she slowly begins to herd the 19 remaining children as one more runs off in the forest, the 18 remaining children, and slowly move them towards the edge of the forest. They all begin to look back towards you and wave goodbye. as they all begin chanting chicken jockey, chicken jockey,

flint and steel, flint and steel. Wasn't Juniper like the noble mound of some rich house or something? Creeper and demand, you say this out loud as the children and juniper leave into the tree line. You see the beautiful silver bridle that clearly showed the house sigil

of probably a very wealthy house. She leads them into the forest, And you are once again met with quiet. The children no longer there with you. They're probably dying to some horrible forest entity. Or perhaps juniper. If she gets hungry, then the children are there as a snack. That's true.

19, 18 snacks. Wow. We did a good thing, fellas. Well. I guess it checks a box. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of avatrous and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly

Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror toome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Did it, gosh. If only there were a place where you could see all of the quests and loose threads that you could check off. But there's not. There isn't.

There isn't. I can read these letters if everyone's interested. Yeah. Interest is not a word of torment. No. Well, if you guys aren't interested. No, no. I mean, I guess go on and read them.

These are letters that you have read before. Yes. No, I know, but just we all had a whole brain damage and lost. We have a considerable amount of brain damage. Yeah, my memory's a little bit cada. Diagetically, it's very foggy on account of suffocating. All right, this one is from Lorna. The first two are from Lorna.

Do we all remember who Lorna is? She's the frog? Yeah. Yeah, she's before. Oh, she's a... Oh, she's a... Bad Lauren. Would you like me to read them for you, Derek?

I will... She gave me George. Do an incredibly good morning. impression as I sing. Oh, I was hoping he would do it. No. We just got trapped by Lorna and bamboozle.

That was bad Lorna. Perhaps this Lorna is different. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm just pulling your leg. Uh-huh. My fucking legs. Craig, what? He said the thing. He said the thing. Frosty, I just realized. Stand up, Frosty.

Yes. Why are you naked? You mean setting naked in one of all those children is all the eyes? Is it real naked if he leaves the boots on every time? I'm being good. That's especially naked. Look, There's something devious.

Just because I look like the first Sonic the Hedgehog trailer. Doesn't mean that I'm naked. This is just how I am. Frost is out here just slinging hog. What does that mean? You know what you mean? Oh, you know what I mean. Oh, hog. I think he said og.

Stop slinging hog, Frosty. Yeah, it's a hush. I wouldn't say I'm slinging hog. I'm just in my natural stage. Oh man, remember fat hog. We had a couple of different hog references. Remember fat old.

You know, my whole companion. My little pig from back when we were doing all that other stuff and I'll save that one pig. Oh, wait, what have happened? Is it a fat old? I don't know. We would call him fat old. Is he with us right now?

He might be. Is he with us? I hope not. Fat hog! You can get out here to hold us. I hope not. You turned it from the forest with the blood of orphaned children on his on his mom. A giant hog like fucking Princess mud and okay.

We've got to talk about nearly tuna with the quick blocking of the term fucking hog. You for the first time fat hogs be seen you. It's always you. You do not know I hung it for the flesh of children. Fat hog! We sound like that. That's metal as hell, man. Oh, fat hog.

Fat hog is canonical now. Okay, Fat Hog. He's not yet. No. No, why? Why? Why? Fat Hog made it through everything, man.

He made it to that crazy adventure. No. He made it through the orange trap. I don't even believe it. How can you kill fat hog? How could you do that? Chicken jockey. I don't know what you fucking mean.

You got to move on. A second fat hog walks out of the forest. I'm starving, brother. No! Brother, may I have some oats? Please, please, please read the fight. What are we gonna do? We have to get rid of a body, man.

I was counting on fat, oh. Now you can count on bacon. Is anyone gonna eat this? Yeah, we got bacon for days now. Well, I mean, listen, I'll take a butt of that silver line of sandwich. I mean, oh, man. You thought we'd have to trim it. cure it for days and maybe then would have

bacon, but we don't have anything else going on. We got time. We have a safe place, keep it dry, keep it relatively cool. I don't know how we do that. Well, I'll stop butchering. Shit. There's a 16-hour montage.

I start picturing. I read the letters as for me, done his butchering work. I use something to utilize action. To the butcher badfog?

I would not utilize the butchery tools. Is anyone going to freak out if Dorek eats fat hogs eyeballs? Sure, I'm going to freak out if after the first one, but the second one, the second one I'll probably get used to it at that point. Then we can kill the second fat hog, the one asking for oats. You need it, sidebar.

too. We're sorry, Nikki. We're sorry. We're sorry. We, we... You know, I was worried about tonight, because I was like, what if we've forgotten how to play witch lane? Yeah, what if we forgot? Never! Never. We haven't. As you guys butcher a fat hog. There's the fur and in the corpse of Little Oak,

it's like Krono's eating his son. No, you do it. Two birds. As all of the butchering of Fat Hog happens, Frost reads the letters. Sister, I don't have Idleon's horn. If I did, I would use it to free bloody beak and send it after the Jebberwalk that layers in the palace and hunts in your forest. No matter what Endelen says, that burbling beast of a dragon is a threat to our coven and our three realms. How is Zibylna managed to befriend it? I'll never know. Maybe we should. should ask her.

Much love, Lorna. You have a very nice reading voice, Ross name. Thank you. Thank you. Dear sister, there's no use asking Endelin if she has the horn. She doesn't tell us anything. But if we don't find it soon, I fear what the Jabberwock will do after it gets tired

of prowling the forest and turns its fiery gaze elsewhere. God's bodkins, that thing gives me nightmares. Must I remind you that we need a eunuch. corn's horn to free creatures from the coldren's time freezing magic. It's not enough to know their true names, you know. Of course, my greater concern is that someone else finds the horn and uses it for exactly that purpose. What do you think Zibylna will do to us? We treacherous three, if she is no longer bound by her cauldron's magic.

Lorna. That voice is much harder to do than you realize. Well, I guess the horn will. come in handy once we get to the palace and finds a bill now. But until then, I guess I'll reach into my apron and pull out a bunch of like curing salt. I'll start curing the pork belly. Um, as a remor- Ross. You know my big disease.

Listen, I promise you've had hog was a bar of it, all right? All right, well. He's gonna taste great now. Okay. I hope so. As you rub the cure pouring salts into fat hogs, um, body. Hot dog! Frost begins to read the final letter. Oh, the third one.

That's what Thorpe says. Lovely scab, last time I saw the unicorn horn, it was in your possession. Pity you lost it. But fret not. I've gazed into the ory of tragedies and it has revealed to me that Eldant's horn will be found. If worse comes to worst

Recall that Elidin's mate Still dwells in your forest You could kill Lomona and take her horn Assuming of course you're not too busy making toys End This one just seems to be written By someone named End Angel and Moongrave

Yes And I read that ahead of time And I did the voice appropriately from the very beginning Well that was entirely unhelpful Hmm Whatever other than you got Uh Oh, this was from

Uh Can I have some of your pork When you're done? Mr. Ronslav Mishka, didn't you follow the other orphan children? My name's not Mishka. Who are you?

My name's Katia. Oh, Katia. Well, you didn't follow the other orphans? I thought that they would all the way. We met you before. Are you an MPC that we can have? I don't know who you are now. Oh, well.

But I was going into the forest way because I sang the happy birthday song. Yes. And then I got turned around and came back here and all of my friends are gone and I don't have any family. I'm not a lot that I'm really hungry. Hold on. You can have, let me give us some of our trimming, a little with skin here. Here you go.

It's covered in pink salt. That's going to be poison. You're asking for some pig, right? I said when it was done. Well, I'm not going to cook it right here. It's going to take weeks. What am I going to eat for next? Here, I will, I have some rations in my pack.

Are they yummy? Have you ever heard of pemmican before? No. Oh, it's a classic survival ration. It's a dried fruit, a variety of barka products. Here, here. It's actually best if you soak it in water for about two hours, but you will be able to enjoy this cor-

Are you going to feed it to me with your weird, strange human cat-pots? No, I'm handing it to you. Oh. Very straight thing to assume. Well, you're holding it out to me like you're going to put it in my mouth. No, no. If I were going to do that, I'd be like, oh, okay. No, I'm not gonna do that. But why not?

Yeah, let's do that. Oh, you should know what you should do is you should go over by the dead tree or by that fat hog, and you should try and throw it into my mouth and see if you can get it in. I didn't hear what you said, but if you want the Pemmican and then it'll be at least enough calories to keep you alive. Throw it into my mouth? Is anyone going to freak out if Torbeck eats the orphan? I want to freak out if you were to eat me.

I don't think you get a vote. How come it's me? Well, I mean, that's exactly how come. And Katia, just take the pemmican. I'm not going to throw it into your mouth. But that's so boring. Do you want to live or do you want to have exciting games? I want to play the exciting game.

But that doesn't come with the living portion. Okay, well, if I'm going to die, at least to have fun first. Go make it into the forest. We don't have resources for this. If you run, I think they're headed south by southeast, I think, just go straight through the woods, break through the tree line, and just start fucking running. But where are you going to go? I don't know.

We don't have any clue. We're still figuring that out. We sent the other orphan children. in this vague direction. Yes, and now you're all alone with no one to help you. You're just as lost as I am. It was only four, three, three, four, five hours ago. You probably could catch up if you just headed in that direction.

They don't want to go with them. We're going to yon, all right? Do you know how to get there? I don't figure it out. I do. Wait, you do? Yeah, but if you want me to leave, I can leave. I used to be best friends with squirts, and I know that sounds really gross,

but he was just a little oil, Ken, and before he stopped talking when he was filled with the boggle oil, he told me exactly how to get to yawn. So I was going to go there, but if you want me to leave and find the other kids, I will do that. Well, hang on.

If you take us to yawn, I mean, Frost, you'll throw that stuff in your mouth. Really? Yeah, absolutely. And I can have some of the pig in a couple of days, the fat hawk? No, you can't, no, that's all the take it. Well, why not?

Just look at the look in his eyes. You can't have the pig. It's poison until it's cured. But can I hang out with you until it's cured? Yes. All right. What do you know?

What? Why not? Weeks? Weeks, Frosty? She knows how to get to yawn. We have to say whatever. Yeah, I don't have any parents. Oh, nice.

No one's going to miss me. I'm not taking part of this. How long does it take to get to yawn? We're actually really close. Oh. We could easily, if we like, hurry, we could be there before night. Well, maybe not before nightfall. But we could be there by like, before.

before we sleep. So like three months for us, got it, okay. That's true. If it's more than 100 feet, it could be. I feel like. It could be August before we finish this bitch. Well, we actually have- You can't stay bitch in front of me

because that's a bad word and I want to, I might better be in it. That's exactly what I'm saying. Kids. Are you serious? Take five steps back. One. Ah.

Roll, uh, roll dexterity. And then she'll roll two. Acrobatics, for me? Natural 20. Whoa. And I get a dirty 19. Oh, yeah. You say five steps back.

She moves one step back and she lurches backwards as you throw it. She has the reflexes of a child as she steps to the side and quickly chomps down on this, what is it called? Pemmican. And immediately you see the look of utter disappointment on her face, but she does swallow it. That was disgusting. Yes, it tastes a bit like cardboard, but it lasts forever. lasts forever.

It's like a twilight. It tastes way better than that. I would disagree with that. Well, you would be wrong. It's kidding. That's like cardboard made made out of crean berries.

Look, child, I know you're full of shit, all right? You can't say shit because I will repeat that work. You just said it. I told you, if you see that stuff around me, I'm going to say it. Look, I know that we're on the,

at all. We're on the very north end of the province, of the, as the province? It's called it the main. Realm. I think Realm is appropriate. Or a domain. I mean, there's a fucking ocean that's in front of us.

Or at the main. Domain. Wait, did it, an ocean over here? What are the main? I think we're like on the beach. That was definitely an ocean somewhere. No, you're in the forest right now, dummy. Well, the ocean is pretty close, hey?

There is an ocean here, yes. Well, in Bully of Loder, at least. I don't know if it goes all the way out to an ocean, but it goes out for a long way. Like, you can't even see the land on the other side. So it could be an ocean. I don't really know. What constitutes an ocean?

Is it, whether it has salt in it or does it have to, like, what would make it a notion? versus something else. Do you think that we could stop by and get some oysters, some oysters? That's on the opposite end of what we are trying to go right now because we are going up into the mountains away from the ocean. We can't be that far. No, see, look, and she points up towards the, to the north,

and you see for just a split second an arc of lightning up above the tree line. Just over there is where you'll find the entrance to yon. It's the actual like entrance to it is a little hard to find, but it's in the rough general location. And I know what to do to get in there. And I'm happy to take you. But those arcs of lightning are what, from what I hear are what the weird witch in Yon uses to power her theater. I'm kind of hoping I can go to the theater because I've always wanted to be a child star. Okay

I'm just saying like as soon as we get in there like you don't we're like going to be hanging out with you're fun Is it because I'm not very cool No it's not that Because the other kids always said to me Katya you are not very funny

And you're also not very interesting And you're not cool Well no I'm not saying that I'm just saying that we have a lot more important A grown up things to do And like we're not going to get bogged down buy a bunch of little orphans, especially because we so successfully got rid of the other things. And we just fucking met you.

And we just met you. How do you know you're not a witch in disguise or even a house? Well, you could poke me if you want to and I'll cry. Nope. And you haven't told me a single joke since you've gotten here. Because I told you, I'm not funny. Everyone says that you're not very funny. You don't have a great personality and you're going to grow up ugly.

So you're saying everyone's right about all the things they see about shit? Well, why would they tell me lies? Oh, well, man, I guess he got me there. Well, it sucks for your future. I know, so I have to live up my childhood, like to the best of my ability. Wait a minute. Because once my youth is gone, I literally have no value. Just like Shirley Temple.

What? No, no, no. Jesus, darn. Way too dark. Oh, man. And excuse me. She grew up to be a successful ambassador, thank you. It's certainly chapel.

Thank you very much. We have to talk about, we have to talk about Bavlona with a little shits. is that we have paintings what she was after, and she owes us a solid. And we don't have what we need for the King of Hearts from Scarifer. What was all that shit about, like, the mother and Vavlona was really freaking out about something?

I don't know. I feel like she doesn't have a good relationship with her mom. I feel like me and me, mom, we're solid because I give her a ring or I send her a letter every once in a while, and I'll see her on holidays. and we stay and we'll go on a holiday here and there together and we have a great relationship. I feel like I don't know why Blavona doesn't do the same with him, Mom, and why she was so afraid she and her mom.

So when you did all that stuff to free us, I mean, what was the whole thing with like the roses and drinking the blood and shit? I mean, is that relevant to any of this? Yeah, I'm talking to you and I stabbed you with the witchlight and it worked and saved all of us. Torbeck passed out. Torbeck doesn't know. Dormick's neck hurts His buddy

Lain ablating ability What's his name? Your friend? Dormick does not know What you're talking about Oh, the god Was the Swamp Monster And killed that rabbit goblet we've

So you turned him apart Oh, that was awesome, man We don't talk about that Aging and Loss scoff? What you turned into Gator Chum? Allegedly Allegedly And then he took his scarf, man

I mean, it was cold blood. Oh. Okay. Point is, Dormac doesn't know anything about the, the, anything after that. Dormag doesn't know. What I'm trying to say is that if we leave, Vibber. Gosh, I hate this place.

Can you say that again? Viva. We can just leave. But we don't have what the King of Hearts needs. on the deal that we made. We do have the spool of fredge, the fruit of spredge. Torbex got that. We got that.

So we have the needle and we have the thread. No, that's how... we don't got... Uh, what's the name? We don't got granny knot-shaped, scavifer. We don't have scavenous things. Oh, we don't? No. I thought we got it too. No, we never got it.

Oh. We had never got it. Well, she was like around in this clearing getting all snapped up by Torbex flowers. Maybe she dropped some. Maybe we just look at her. Do we have to go back to Loon Lodge and do this all over again? They're not Dorebex flowers. You know you have some things from, from Scabatha. You also know that you are owed a favor from Scabatha.

Or Bovvvina. Both of them. Both? Yeah. You have finished both of their, of their packs. Oh, we killed them. That's wrong, we're going to. We got to go back and get our rebuild.

Wait, from, from Babyloner? From Scabifah. scabify. Well, didn't she just, oh, have Lorna just tried to kill us? Oh, man, I'm just so confused. There was a lot of oxygen loss. It's tremendous. No, yeah, it's actually very bad for you

when you lose oxygen in the brain, even if it was a little bit, I'll think it's done permanent damage. That's okay, we'll recover. It may take a while. I'm on permanent means. What? What? Doorback has just never been the same since that oxygen incident.

It feels like 10 minutes ago, you know? What we could do is maybe we try to get, uh, we try to get Pig Tuna back. And we just go off to Yon and we have Pig Tuna figure out all these extra things. And she'll be able to fly around and deliver everything she needs to. And Shire is our ambassador. As long as one of those wasn't Pig Jr. Whatever happened to Twig, by the way? Does Pig Tunia still exist since Twigs dead or a doll or something?

No, Twig is a doll? She's in the back. Yes, she's with Gideon now. Do you still have Twiggins? Well, I don't know, man. Well, first of all, I have Fat Hog. You put a bullet in his head and started cooking them up. Now you're asking about Twig?

What are you going to do next, crammy? He just blasts in his head. You put a hell just blast in his head and started cooking them up. I don't think Fat Hog exists. exist. Like, that's why I killed him is I don't think you think. Oh, you don't think he exists? And what is that delightful smell that's waffing through all the

forest? Yeah, that doesn't make any sense for me. If we just made him up and all of a sudden there's a fat hog here. No, no, I'm saying. As you say that, another fat fat hog appears. Oh, what I'm saying? A hog that is stumbling into the clearing and I killed it and I'm butchering. A fat hog.

A hog that is, my point is, I think what you're remembering as fat hog just wasn't a thing. I don't remember of that at all. Well, it's possible. I mean, there was all that oxygen loss. There was that, the... Normally, I'm into that kind of thing, but this is particularly rough this time. It makes sense

that when you were about to die from suffocation, you thought of fat hogs. Baphyrna did not respond to the same word, I'll tell you that. It just kept going. No, no, she didn't. She didn't. Well, I think you're thinking at the carnival, there was the hog pig or something.

Kind of sell this pig? No. No. Not that one. No, remember we were at the house and we were fighting that big crazy flower and I had the fat oak in my hand. What? Remember. No. I had a old in my hand.

No. Classic. I mean, there was a giant flower monster we were fighting. Right? Am I just? Is this just the oxygen thing? I'm bringing about. Golly.

Wait, wait. Were we in a forest like a glade type operation? No, I don't remember the monster. look like Grico's ex-girlfriend? Oh, different... Oh, no, that... Yeah! There was a real small, like miniature pig.

Fat-hoad? No, that's not fat-hog. What are you talking about? No. Oh, it's spoinck. Oink? Oink. Oh, that sounds familiar.

No, there's a little pig named Oink. He's surely dead. There's no way you made it this whole time. Hold on. Oink. It's you, man. No, no. Wink grew up and became fat-hawn.

And then we accidentally killed it. This time, it's been 13 months. Okay, okay. Well, anyway, we're good to that. Hold on. Hold on. We have, I know that we had to go back to Loon Luch. I'll remember that before the action. You remember that

you weren't going back to Lunduch. Oh, we weren't going back. Yeah. Because you already, I'm just, you already have the needle from Scablet. We have everything we need. And you are, you were going to, you were going to try to kill. You were going to try and kill Will. Yeah.

And then get. to yawn and deal with Endelen so that you could collect everything and wrap things up before eventually heading to the Palace of Hearts Desire. But you know that you're running out of time. And so you are trying to do things very quickly. We don't have all the fucking time in the world. Let me ask, you get it with God of the fucking universe. Is Oint the Pigs do with us? Did we something? No. Oint the Pig is not with you. We said goodbye to Oint the Pig. We had a very hot touching DeBah. Gideon said, well, so howdy, fat hog, all right?

I haven't seen the pigs or so plump or ever before. Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday. And he said, oh, don't worry, it's better for the both of us if you leave. Just look at the flowers going. Oh, he was. Cravee's fixing for some, uh, some undoee, you know what I mean? Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, work that in, work that in.

Okay. All right, no. So fat hog's dead and being cooked up. But he existed at one point. Where this hog came from, you have no idea. That's what I'm saying? This is just some random hog. That's some hog. And there's the second Borgorps over here, and there's a third live fat hog over here.

There's an accumulation of fat hog. It's just an Elwyn bull and he just keeps responding. It's because we think of it comes true. I see. It's on a respawn time of Frosty. I know that you missed that reference. A fourth one appears. Oh, there it is.

I can't believe there were three fat hogs before this one. There's gonna be a fourth of we stay here. You attempt to kill the fourth one, but it keeps evading. And you see that part of it's stuck within, yeah. Part of it's stuck within the tree and it just keeps jolting the side. I endeavor to crush its mind with my mind.

You, you can, in debates. No, it's, it's mine still. It's not targetable. It's not targetable, it evades. He's clipping. He's mute all damn. That's the exact correct response, That's how it goes.

Well, I have to crush something's mind. I think I'll have a squirrel over there. So are we going to wait here for an entire week to eat this one fat hog or? No, we can work on it on the way. I mean, I think we'd sit up. Do you want to sleep here and then go to yawn in the morning? I'm really beat up, actually. Yeah, I'm very, we got to sleep.

We got to sleep. Are we going to sleep in the dilapidated house and the dead corpse of the tree? Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty metal. Would you guys want to tell me spooky stories maybe? Oh, yeah. What happened to that creepy kid that had an oil can for her head? This wasn't a kid. You're talking about squirt. He was just an oil can. Oh, he might be still being the tree. Squirt, are you alive?

So I don't think that squirts here anymore. No. Oh. Wait, wait. We definitely would have noticed the fucking walking, talking oil tank. Squirt wasn't walking or talking because Squirt wasn't walking or talking because Squirt. Why are you doing that? Don't you remember? I remember. I was just got to be a Torbeck.

Why don't you yell at him? I'm not yelling to me. You were told to go get some of the boggle oil from Loom Lurch, and then once you filled up Squirt, that he would be able to take you to yawn. I think we definitely did that. Well, you did collect the boggle oil for sure, because it's leaking out of your back right now,

But squirt's not here anymore because the kids took him. Oh, shit. Those kids that just left? Left the square. You're the one that you sent out into the wilderness to die with that owlbear. Oh, hold on. Oh, squirt. Where are you doing?

Squirt. I'm in your mind right now. What are you doing? You're pretending to be frost. He's trying to use his cyanic powers, can't you? Oh, I'm being frosty. sending message to Squirt and telling him to turn around and come back. And also to bring Mishka as well.

Frusty do what I'm doing right now. I don't have the ability to do what you're... Oh, well, I'll actually do. I'm going to use the spirits. Okay, spirit. Spirit, you got a font squirt. Ha-la-la-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. I cast message. Okay. It's a squirt.

And I tell him... Hey, squirt, come back. We got to go to Yon. Maybe even Mishka? And you imagine that would work, but squirt does not have any oil in him, so is not conscious. But funny enough, even though all of that happened, the DM has provided you a child that somehow remembers things that they shouldn't remember to get you to yawn. We have everything we need right here. And yet somehow, you're railing against the ability to utilize it. Also, I'm pretty sure that message has a range of like 30 or 60 feet.

You're thinking of sending. Yes. I do to Cremic. Oh. Squirt. Spirits. Squirts. There is another from a certain point of view.

It is me. Why do I hear everything Greek is saying so fucking clearly in my head? We're going to go take a nap right now. Come on back. Hear them in your head because you just talk. Yeah, no, I mean, I just hear them like twice, you know what I mean? You know, like when there's an echo when you're on the call and I don't, I'm gonna untake message.

You hear me gives a bit of echo in the woods. God, yeah, we're going to make camp in the corpse of this giant tree. Are we going to do drugs and have hallucinations? No, please. Why don't we do that? That's crazy. We're going to drink whiskey and smokes of gods. Can I have a cigar?

No. Well, then you can't say we're going to do it and then not let we do it. You're a child. We're going to do it. Yeah, it was purposely. But you don't know how old I am. That's true. You could be hundreds of years old, a hag in disguise.

I'm eight. Well, then you can't have any cigars or whiskey. I'm a hag in disguise. I don't believe you. And I'm 100 years old. No, I don't believe you. You can play with Hootzy. Okay.

Bing, Bing, Wahoo, Chicken, Donkey, Flint, and Steel. I only have one fly. pad you guys can share. Yo Hootie you need to share with his friends you're gonna take us to yon. It's gonna be I know you're sad about Juniper. I'm sorry I'm sorry but here you go here's your fly pad. I'll like you make me a fire. I'll start smoking some of this pig. Well okay here we go. We're gonna camp um I would have had some nice bananas in order to garnish with this pig. No they're still all over the floor. Oh they didn't take them. They don't know good food when they see it. Fine.

I think they were frightened by the bananas raining out of the sky upon them. Well, fine. Fine. Okay. All got the fruit. You got a what? I got all the fruit to go up to peak. Great. I'm not stopping you. How about we just head up in this tree house and settle in for that? Grummy can smoke some meat. We can eat bananas, drink whiskey, smokes a dog.

I mean, I've had some whiskey in a long time. I'll use a little bit of... Well, let's go. Do you have whiskey and cigars? Yeah, I have a never-ended patch of cigars, and I've never ended a flask of whiskey. That's true. I've never mentioned it until now,

because I've not seen so much call for it, except to imbibe upon it myself and, of course, a Grammy, but... I don't have a never-ending something. That's very cool. That's a wonderful, magical drink-in. Yeah, well, thank you. It was a gift.

So, I mean, you get... You're welcome to partake, for all right. It's not going anywhere. So let's hop on up there, all right. I'm just not following you. Why not? And unless there's anything else you wanted to do tonight.

I'm wearing my robe. Thank you. You make your way into the dead tree and the dilapidated tree house. You smoke the pork and the Fay Wild works in mysterious ways. You're able to smoke two weeks worth of pork in a matter of hours. And it is quite delicious.

I do. You do. Yeah, it's wonderful. And you all have. a lovely night hanging out, telling ghost stories, getting to know Akatya, and talking about the journey ahead that you have tomorrow. Though you know you still have unfinished business in Yon, the time crunch or in thither, the time crunch that you're on is leading you towards Yon and dealing with Endelin as quickly as you can as you all enjoy the night, you rest up, and eventually

You make your way into the remaining hammocks that are still within this place and you all fall into a comfortable sleep. You dream nothing. You're exhausted. You nearly suffocated. You've had a very, very long day. As you all wake up, freshly rested, the smell of the fire is still going, the smell of pork roasting on the spit. As you all wake up and have a nice. breakfast. Mishka, or Mishka, Kacha had gotten up early and found some eggs, these large

eggs from some sort of avian fay creature and has already begun cooking some kind of scrambled eggs with it. It doesn't look great. She clearly doesn't know how to cook, but she's seen someone do this once. They're either overcooked or severely undercooked and not in a good way. But she's trying to help with the eggs and bacon. And that is how you find yourself awake this morning. We enjoy a long rest. You do enjoy a long rest. Thanks for getting breakfast started,

Kachach. You ever slept on a dead guy before? I did last night. I'll admit it's a first for me too. Yes, once. I got coffee. I got coffee. I'll take it.

Can I have a cup of coffee? Fuck it, why not? Here you go. Ew, that's disgusting. You'll enjoy it more when you get older. It's very bitter. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. And I'll reach in my apron

and get some cream and I'll pour a bunch of cream more well hold on I'll just okay here you go more oh my god how much cream you fucking meat it's just mostly green more well let me add some sugar too more okay okay okay thank you you see like a pile of sugar sticking up out of the out of the now cream with a hint of coffee as she begins to chug it down whether it's the uh whiskey and cigars from last night or the breakfast from this morning it's always a tex of take one pass it down and it ends up being the cake scene from office space and Fortbeck's like, Oh,

Oh, Oh, Oh, yeah. Oh, Yeah. What's that? Well, I got some leftover pork and beans from last night.

If anybody wants some of that too. Ooh, y'all love poking beans. Right over here. Pork and beans. Pork and beans. You know, me Uncle Grobel used to make great pork and beans. You know, we haven't heard from the King of Harts in a while. You did try your chess piece at the last minute there.

Did you hear a voice back and return? No, thank the gods, because that was embarrassing. Hopefully he didn't hear any of that. Any of the things that you said in your confession just before you died? There was no, no confession, Frost. We talked about this. Torbeck lied about all of those things. Torbeck was more concerned that the King of Arts

might have heard Torbeck crying like a bitch. Are you sure that there wasn't a confession? Because I noticed that my shoes were in a different place when I woke up. Torbeck didn't touch your shoes, and that's an insidious thing to hint at. It is. You hear there, Frosty? Insidious.

That's a nice word for, Torbeck. Thank you. Do you think the Torbett the King of Hearts is cross with us? Well, the last time to her make trying to talk to him, he wasn't too happy. What's the king of hearts? He's just guy who thinks he's a lot prettier and handsome, mean, attractive than he actually is. I don't know, he's pretty attractive.

I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Talking about the same fellow. Okay. He definitely thinks he's more attracted than he is, but he's pretty damn attracted. I mean, it's close. I'll say, at the very fucking minimum. No, he's a 10 out of 10. Sure.

And I do think that he probably is upset with us. He gave us a time limit in order to achieve his goals. It was something like 13 days, if I recall correctly. And that was 390 days ago. Space time continues is the last. That's what about it. Well, yeah, we have two out of three. I mean, we're practically almost there.

We're almost there. We'll be to yawn, which is where you said you need to go for you, for whatever you're doing. next. Yeah, are you going to magically rush us to your own just to get on with it? That would be great if you want to not have breakfast anymore. I mean, it's the most important meal of the day. We have to have breakfast.

And the beans, too. I mean, you can't rush them in. All right, well, then I won't rush you. But once you're ready, I'll be able to get you their lickety split. You know, I'm really feeling like a little bit of grits, too. Anybody want some grits? Oh, I love it. All right. Grimmies grits. I mean, yeah.

Grubby's a favorite. Crumby's famous grits. More beans. More beans for breakfast. Tuhrig will take a souffle. That should only take four hours. I didn't find a way to make an oven, but we might be able to... You know what?

I think I got something. Suflay under these conditions. I'll make tourmeticiche. Oh, thank you. Which is... Are you taking orders? Like, could I request food? Because you look...

You seem like a pretty amazing shot. No, you're a... Your aid. Only pemmican for you. Okay. Crimmy makes a bonnet food. You could ever have anywhere in any of the realms. But as Frost said, you can only have that gross stuff. You can't have any.

Frost wants to keep you weak in case you're ahead. That's right. That's right. I don't want to regret it later. Are you getting the beans? I thought the pemmican was supposed to make me strong. Well, aren't you like an orphan of some kind? Yes.

Well, I think just you contractually obligated to only growl. Okay, so can I please have another? Of the pemmican? Yes. No, no, no, no. Look, you know, no. been such a great job with these fay, these scrambled fags

that I think, you know, if you want something special, I'm happy to, you know, would that be okay because you're a great cook? Give her a piece of the quichi. No, by the way. Give her a piece of the quichy that you make. That's not a quaggachi anymore.

It's Torbeck's. Yes, it's Torbacche. Can't you say the quachi? Well, no, I mean, we could pass it around and just give Torbeck what's left. I mean, you know. Can't you? Well, we'll give the little chibbee

Love a slosh of the quaici. Come on, Tobeck, Oh, that's not what I'd say. It's not what I want. All right, here's the pamekin. Don't want pomechan, please don't put it. Please stop putting the pemmican in my mouth. Please.

Please stop it. The moment you get some bite flies. You know, pancakes? I mean, the pancakes are great. Well, I was hoping. The bacon's fresh. I was hoping that you could make me some creamy brule. Creamy brew?

Oh, wow. How do you know creamy brew? Because my mom would make it for me when I was sick. That was me, my all specialty. You can make creamy brew? I certainly can make you a big old plate of creamy brew. I would love so much creamy brew. She only take four or five hours.

All right, fellas. And I spent four or five hours making creamy brew. Perfect. And so you have a super bowl. You have four or five hours of breakfast here beneath the corpse of the dead tree. As you enjoy feeling like you have nowhere to be, even though you're on a ridiculous time crunch. After the creamy brule is consumed,

you finally decide that you would like to head into yon? I'm going to go and use the restroom and see if I can find a fat hog. I'll be back. Oh, me next. Tormex a little tired. Tormex a little tired. Tormex's not sure. Oh.

You know, Oh. It happens and you decide you're going to go to yawn, but then you realize with a yawn that you're all very tired. And so you take a four to five hour midday now? I mean, I was okay on the creamy bros when we started pouring the mimosa. I was, you know. I couldn't keep up.

No. Look, this is just a thing we do. Frost doesn't stop talking about siesta's and that time you went abroad. Oh, yeah, we gotta take an afternoon nap. Sorry, good. That's okay. I have things I can do while you're sleeping.

No, no, look, you're right. We are on a bit of time crunch. We should make our way to yawn. Yon, yeah. You know, we should make our... How hard is it to say that these provinces? Come on. Right, well, does that mean you want to go then? Well, I mean, we gotta wait for Frost to get back from taking a dump in the woods.

Yeah, he's been out for like two and a half hours. Do you think he's okay? You know, I think he has some kind of condition or something. I don't ask. Yeah, is this happened before? Oh, it's kind of regular. It's he basically makes the same kind of sounds that Ricko was making just now with lots of hiss. Oh, you're back.

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Made plenty of room. Oh, sorry. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's an awful thing to say. Oh, yes, well, just wait for Grico now. It's an awful thing to say.

Okay, well, in the meantime, do you want to tell me some jokes? And stepped on my, I said, that of my tail is much more difficult to navigate than I realized. Uh, More stories? I was hoping for a joke, maybe, that I could learn because all of the kids told me that I'm not very funny. Oh, what kind of joke would you like to learn? I don't know a funny one.

I have one joke. Do you want to hear it? Yes, I would. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? What? My jokes are funny? I think Torbeck might actually know this one in advance. Do you know this joke?

Oh, why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Why did it fall out of the tree? it was dead. That reminds me of another joke. Why did the loaf of bread fall out of the tree? I don't know why. And because it was stapled to the monkey. That was pretty good.

I didn't know you were so funny. I'll give you that one. I thought that humor alluded you. It normally does, but I learned that joke long ago. I have a question. What's a staple? Oh, it's like an iron spike, huh? Oh my god, there was an iron spike in the dead monkey?

Why do you think it was dead? He's close enough. You okay, everything good? Oh, I made plenty of room! I'm saying that. Oh, Torbeck just made plenty of room. In that key, whoa. We magically teleported.

Oh. All right, let's, you ready to go then? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. It takes about 15, 20 minutes, and you, you find yourself at the base of a mountain range. And you watch as Katya is looking this way and that, peeling apart the fronds.

It's going to be here somewhere, I think. Okay. What was it that squirt said you must look for the, you must look for the stone chair from beyond the stars. Right? Yes, okay, stone chair beyond the stars. Does anybody see stars? Stone chair beyond the stars? Yes, stone chair beyond the stars.

Well, after the siesta, I guess it's early evening, there may be some stars. Oh no, I think we do have to wait until night time. Oh, no. Oh, no. And you deal with waiting for night time, but as the sun sets behind the horizon and the stars come out, you, Kachia almost immediately spots it,

a small trail of stars. As she darts into the underbrush sheet, calls for you to follow, and you find yourselves faced with what looks like an outcropping. In the very center, the mountain range, a backdrop to this, is a beautiful stone throne. Chiseled into it looks to be constellations, and all of you immediately feel pulled toward this. I need everyone to make a wisdom saving throw. Not great. I got a 12. 24. Damn. I also got a 12th. 21. Wow, wow.

There's people around here. Everyone except for Cremie. You are immediately compelled towards this thing. You all look at each other. Kacha is also enthralled by this as she looks at you. Last one there is a rotten egg. And she immediately runs toward this throne. All you can think about is how much

You need to sit upon this throne. How much you need to be the person you do. She smacks against a tree, goes limp and unconscious as she falls against the tree. Get a fuck out of my way! All determined to be the first one to get to this train. I think I used a little too much cay and I'll be right back. Dorebeck is going to go at his top speed, but even if he doesn't make it to the chair first, he's going to sit on whoever sat on the throne first.

Okay, perfect. I need you all to roll a D20 initiative, technically. How about this? You are, you're horrified Washington. You can very clearly see that every single one of your friends seems to be possessed by something. I got 14. So I wouldn't feel like I have to shit in this moment. That would sort of leave me. No, if you have to shit, you have to shit. Even though this is unfortunate, I, the bowels want with the balls want. You see a stone chair and you wish that it was porcelain. Not my chair, not my problem. Stop saying throne.

Stop saying throne. I will muster the courage to hold it in as I witness my friends doing this. Yeah, you do. What did everybody get? 14. 10. 9. 24. Okay, so.

I know you're doing so well. Frost. Okay, so wait, was 24 for Frost? Yeah. It's that 2024 glow up, you know? Frost, Torbeck, Grico, Githee. Okay. You pull into the lead, Frost. You imagine that within six seconds, you could be at this throne if nothing impedes you. What are you going to do to try and make it there? How far away is it? No, it doesn't matter. I cast Misty Step and I arrive. You cast Misty Step and you arrive right in front of it. Not enough to sit on top of it, but you are right in front of it.

My momentum stops, and so it takes me a moment to start to push forward. Someone might still beat me. Yes, that's true. Torbeck, you watch as Frost disappears from reality and reappears right next to this throne. What are you going to do to try and get there? Um, I don't have any tricksy things that I can do from this range. So...

All's fair in love and thrones. So whatever you feel like you could. Yeah. I would see if I could find like a rock on the ground. Easily, you find one immediately. Okay, do that. Roll for a jack. Thorbeck, what are you doing? For a ranged attack, would I use my same?

We'll call it a 17. Okay. Does that hit? It just hits. Okay, I need you to roll a constitution saving throw. The rock collides into your head, and we're going to see if you can keep conscious. think this is Torbeck some sort of game of thrones a constitution you say i get a 24 again you the rock slams into your head you hear a loud crack as a as a wound appears in the side of your head blood is dripping through your fur but you are somehow able to stay conscious you

watch as your blood spatters the throne next to you and in a strange Torbeck. Sorry. I'm just right. Torbeck doesn't know why Torbeck did that. Sorry, Fras. In a strange black mist,

you see as the blood is consumed within this throne. But if you don't step away from the throne, Torbeck will kill you. And you are able to get, you imagine one more turn you would make it towards the throne. I'm just running. Yeah, thank you.

That's my whole turn. Grica. I'm just running. You get to about where Torback is, and that's really where you're at. I'm just, I'm trying, I'm just huffing it. I rolled very poorly. Gideon, do you watch as they all sprint forward? You see that Frost is right there.

He's about to sit the throne that belongs to you. What do you do? Uh, I'll also throw a rocket. Can I find a rock? Do I find a rock? You find a rock. You find a rock. You, you, you, you,

The rock bounced off. I'd like to catch the rock. Yeah, no. The rock bounced off of Frost's head. It bounced backwards and you were able to reach up and catch it. Seeing what Torbek had done within a second, you launched that rock directly towards frost's head. Oh, it's one of those wounds where it's all white on the outside.

You definitely hit. I need you to roll a constitution saving throw at disadvantage because you've already been hit the head once with them. Oh, saving throw a disadvantage? Yes. How much damage are? No, no, no, damage. Once I hit him with the rock, is he within 30 feet of me?

No, not right now. But he will be at the end of your turn. Like, at the end of my movement on my turn? Yeah, at the end of the movement on your turn. It's mechanically, it's very important. Yeah, no, at the end of the movement on your turn. Okay. So you launch the rock, and then you propel yourself forward,

and you're within 30 feet of him as. I get an eight. Jesus. Torbag, how could you come? That's my other temple. I'm just trying to sit in this chair. How long could it take? Why am I able to say all these words?

What is that I mean this time? What happens? Do I turn it inside out? Just tell me. Shut up, Dan. The rock collides in the other side of your skull. You feel part of it cave in.

You walk towards Gideon in shock as you go unconscious and slump to the ground. What you would see, what you would see as you're starting to go unconscious, is you would see flame and steam erupting from my man-of-foot and steel, actually. As the fiery chains are reaching towards you to grab you. And as his body goes limp and lifeless, I'd like to invoke my gear one and wrap him in flame chains. You do that. Do you do that? You're a train.

And then, and then, what I would do, just next time my plan would be to like yank him at whoever is in second. You wrap his limp, lifeless body in chains. The fire in the chains begins to singe his fur. The entire, his entire area is filled with the smell of burning hair as it's frost turn. I need your roll dust saving throw.

Hold on, because I didn't use my action. Fucked up. Could I have said I would let Gideon go first? Sure. I was like, oh, man, that's not bad idea. I throw a rocket frost. Okay. This is all happening so quickly that the moment Frost goes down,

you've already let that rock fly, roll to attack. 17. 19. That is. This rock is mid-air. As frost collapses, but you are short. So even though you would have normally missed, as frost collapsed to the ground,

the rock hits him right in the middle of the forehead. And he watches another wound appears on his head. I need to go two death saving throws, actually. He's also restrained. So I'm just saying. Do I roll a death saving throw right now? Yeah. You're rolling one for Grico hitting you as you were down.

Yeah, Maggie, what do I get? You succeed. It's an 11. Fantastic. And then another as the change. begins to send you? Oh, wait, is it, plus Connor to straight? Is your drink?

That's a fail. So you have one success and one failure. Your body is hanging limp in these chains as Frost. That was your turn. Torbeck, it is your turn now. I see that Gideon is kind of handling Frost, and we've all pommeled and bashed his hands out. And I see Bricko as he runs up next to me.

Ah, got him! And his attempt to throw him off his game. In Goblin, I say really offensive things. about his mother. Used up whino, only $2, and I take off as I try to get him in his head mentally. Okay, I would like you to roll a wisdom saving throw. Oh, not bad. That'd be a 22.

Yeah. You are, you're pissed. You're not caught off guard, but you're almost incensed to beat Torback now. But how dare when he call your mother a whine out? As you run, you make it directly to the throne. You haven't sat on it yet, but you were right there next to it. I prepare my fuzzy ass to sit in this thing, and that's my turn.

Are you going ahead of him this turn? Oh, no. Are you stopping initiative? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Why does me, Mom? Please make me mad. Oh, it really works.

Oh, good job, Gideon. And I'm going to pick him another rock, and I'm going to throw it in a tour back. Roll to attack. That is only a 14. I have 18A's sake. It whizzes past my head. What the heck, Bricko? Calm down.

Oh yeah, sorry, that was a cold for. It whizzes past your head, hits the stone thrown, bounces off and smacks frost in the back of the head. But he doesn't take a death saving throw. Gideon. I, with my chains, I'm just running forward with my chains. running forward with my chains wrapped around Frost, as he's still the closest to the throne and everyone is between myself, Frost-Rafed in chains, and then Grico and Torbeck.

I would like to yank him as hard as I can so that ideally he flings backward and collides with both of them if I can, or whoever is just closest to him if I can attempt to manage that. Yeah, absolutely. Roll a, I would say do an acrobatics to see how that would work. Or in athletics to see how that would work. work, sure. 17. I would like you each to roll a D20.

Just straight. I got three. You as well. Oh, me? Yeah, the both of you. I got 12. Both of you are, as, as Gideon reels Frost in with the chains, he whips them to the side, hitting the both of you.

You're not flung backwards, but you are knocked prone on the ground in front of the throne. You are able to make it to the throne. It is now frost, and I need you to make a dead saving. While this is happening, I'm like collecting the camp. I'm like, you know, throwing the smoked bacon.

I'm collecting the food. I can tell you. They always do seem to be playing. They have silly little games as I finish cleaning up the camp. You're not at the camp anymore. Or have we totally left? Yeah, you totally left.

You're at the, you're at the, what you believe is the entrance to yon. Oh, we went on. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. I'm digging shit then. Perfect. Oh, crushed at, 18.

That's two to one. Torbeck, you are prone right at the throne. You imagine that you would easily be able to sit this throne should you choose. There is nothing standing in your way. I have a, Torbeck has a brief moment of, poisoning Gideon's blood in a horrific, horrific manner,

the moment that he's within 10 feet, but he keeps his eyes on the prize. And in a shaky, Torbeck will attempt to stand up and sit in this throne. You do. You all watch as Torbeck stands up. The shadow, his shadow, His shadow gets large.

His shadow gets large behind him as it casts shadow over all of you as he slowly sinks down into this throne. Immediately you hear the crack of lightning as from these two pillars high up on the top of the mountain like lightning rods, they connect and slam down into this throne. You watch as Torbeck's entire body begins to shake and convulsion, you can see his entire skeleton

The skeletal system appear within his body as he is wracked with lightning. Torbeck. The throne is really. You watch as he is holding on to the throne itself and you can see how the lightning connects all of the stars together showing a wealth of galaxies within this throne.

And Torbeck, you see blackness. You see the depths of the inside of a dead star. You see the realms beyond the stars. You see cosmic power that no human should ever experience. You feel your mind turning to mush and as you sit on this throne. You feel like your body is being ripped apart. All of you want as Torbeck is just being pumped.

I started we've been with this lightning. And you watch as being after, beat these rods of lightning just shoot into Torbeck and then swirling around him what looks like this this gateway into the astral sea appears behind Torbeck. And then as it begins to swirl, you see mountains and lightning. And Torbeck, you slump forward. Your body is racked with pain. You still see remnants of worlds beyond the stars. As you begin to drool, blood pouring from your ears. You feel like you are inches from death. But the throne that you had been sitting on has now opened an entryway to yawn behind you.

And that is where we'll end the second. Oh! But Torbeck, I do need you to choose one thing for me. Arcana, deception, history, insight, intimidation, or survival. I feel like with everything that I just witnessed, it would be like insight. That feels right to do it. Or Arcana.

That was an option. Yeah, Arcana. Arcana is the choice. Arcana is the choice. You now have proficiency in Arcana. If you didn't, if you didn't before, if you do, you double your proficiency in Arcana. As your mind now houses a fragment of the psyche of a creature beyond the stars. Oh, could you go back down?

Running out room up here, Nikki. There's too many guys. up in my head here. Running out of room. You got to the throne, first. As that happens, quit getting around, Frosty. Fucking drag. Come on, Frosty, quit getting around.

And that's where we'll end the session. Thanks for running the session here. You're welcome. How many death saves does he have so we can keep one and one? Two successes, one failure. Oh, two and two. Two successes. Two and one.

Two and one. Thank you. I'm going to trust that that is correct. That is correct. I would just lie until you got a natural 20 and bounce back down. Easy. Oh, that was very funny. Holy shit.

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