Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 59 | Of Mice and Mountains

Episode Date: June 9, 2025

Following their new friends the Krew find themselves on a treacherous path... Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/rLLfmXC0Wnk?si=F6F-tWRQy1Fy-7rw

Greetings. You're listening to Legends of Aventress. My name is Morning Frost, and this is Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. Torbic just feels like Torvick has changed. No, hey, I sent either Grico or Frost next. There's no danger. This little girl that said there's a whole bunch of case spiders, there were no case spiders, huh? No case spiders? There are no cave spiders in there, but... I'm happy to San Torvek to deal with all them case spiders. If they're there.

So many spiders! Oh, God. Did you get them all? The lightning arcs against all of the lightning rods, channeling all the way down until it hits the large lightning rod at the top of Motherhorn. You see the entire structure illuminate almost as if all the lights have turned on within it for a second.

It is like the straight shot. And you notice that further up there are those really creepy goats that like to sit on like very sheer-cliff faces. You see a handful of them, like, dotting along the mountain face. You were riding this tornado and eventually it begins to slow and you are all dumped out and what is very clearly a grassy glade between two huge peaks. Motherhorn is closer than it had been before.

What is very clearly a walking dandelion jumps out of the tree line towards you as it brandishes its rapier. A blast of wind hits all of you. You knave, what are you doing here? and why are you disturbing my peace? Well, if we're going to go to Motherhorn together, then it's fortuitous that Gleem sought to give me these. Here you are.

Take one and pass one down. You'll need one of these if you're going to accomplish your goals. Oh, thank you. Take one down. Are they all the same? Oh, they're all the same. There are all the same. There are be tickets.

They are a private audience with bitter end herself. You are all sitting around the camps. that you now share with the HMdipur. My laughing. Because I'm like this guy's life in the first five minutes. I'm sorry. We are just the worst. We just have so bad.

I'm sorry. There's no we imagine. We're in 10. We're 10. I don't even understand. What are you done to him? We just, we just stole those gold. Oh, yeah.

We did. We traded it back to it. Yeah, pretty tense. Oh, God. Let's fight him. Let's get really serious again after that wonderful poem. Sorry, it's not funny. I'm locked.

But it is, it's true. You have already fucked up this man's life. And as you sit around the camp that you have robbed, the tents behind you that you've purchased with his own gold, unbeknownst to him. He is in high spirits as he passes these five tickets over to you. Tickets that upon them show that you, with their use, could obtain an audience with Endlin, bitter end. Should you choose to?

He passes them to you. No explanation as he begins to stand up. And fidget with a Pollenella, his bumblebee. Okay, you pervert. It's just to be. It's just a bee. I'll just let them fidget, you know? He's laughing and she's a fat bee.

Well, I should go to sleep, really. It's been a long day. I procured those from, there was a traveling puppet show that came around here, nine an hour prior to your arrival. And it's quite, now that I think about it, looks at you specifically, Torback. The puppets looked strangely similar to all of you.

They were fighting an Oni and getting up to all kinds of strange adventures. And when it was all said and done, the driver of, it was this large carriage puppet show in the middle and drawn by a horse and there was

a gentleman who was driving the whole thing. He leaned down and handed me all five of those. He did this for free? I believe because I'm standing ovation for the puppet show, but they did not provide an encore. As a thank you for enjoying this performance. I believe so. I have no need of an audience with Enderlind.

It is in my best interest to never have an audience with Enderlin. So I believe they are... Because she's bitter end. Are you worried she's going to give you a bitter end? Well, I would never go anywhere near her for fear she would harm, my dear sweet. Polonella. Is she after Polonella? Do we have to protect Polonella? She's after whatever she wants. Oh.

She wants Polinella? She might. Well, and she's after that, uh, that other person. And then she after-leam. Yes, she is. She is after gleam. Gleam. I don't even, no, he just said it. She's after gleam. There's somebody like getting around and...

Who's Gleam? Well, I'm going to go to bed, and so he turns around and he goes to bed. We didn't ask what this old puppet show is about. Who was at the morning? Or who was running it? From what he said, it sounds like they're impersonating us and putting on shows related to the adventures we've had here in the Faywild.

We should find them and kill them. I mean, we should find them and then talk to them and make sure that they don't do that for a thing anymore. I remember if they have an ony and we'll find the only, that was like two hours ago. No, it was like two. days ago. It was like yesterday, wasn't it? It was two days ago? No, well, no, we haven't been to bed yet. We spent one night in the tree and then we came here. It's in, it's the Faye world. Tommy Warming.

Torbeck was here. He got carried away by Hurley Burley, curly, uh, lurley. And I know it's a sole subject, but he was horrifically tortured and experimented on. For not one, not one year, allegedly. Not two years, not three years, certainly not four years. That would be a lot better than five years. That's true. Five years. Well, I mean, that's all legend. We don't know how long it really was. That's what it says. What the hell, Krami? Are you lying about that?

No, I was... Torrek would never lie about something like that. Well, what do you normally use to tell the time? I mean, do you have a watch on? Oh, calendar. Doreback is sharp as a tag, obviously. Did they tell you, it's been five whole years since we've been torturing you? Yeah, they did say that. Oh, wow.

Are you surprised? No, I mean, I guess it's not crazy. They use that as kind of like torture tactics. Well, was that a reliable narrator? They told you that. I'm just saying it's plausible deniability that perhaps all actions maybe may have not led you to be tortured for five years. You think that Torbeck's actually just been here for like 30 minutes? I don't know.

Not about the whole five-year thing? Stade up late at Jordan. That's all. Torbeck ground his fingernails to the bones, scratching etch marks in the walls for every painstaking day that passed by, Mr. Kremi. Well, I mean, sure, that's fair. That's what you're saying. You know, and I believe even from a certain point of view.

But I'm just saying, is your time, it might be, uh, uh, uh, imprison here that Hiva, Viva, and Yarn all have different time, folks, and we just got to hope that we're not out of time with Mr. King of Hearts, or else he might be Mighty Cross. Now I'm going to say, it's me taking that bag of gold wasn't stealing either, right, fellas? I probably should turn music on. Is it a little hearing, hit not. Oh, oh.

I almost forgets about the torture. Yeah, I wasn't going to say. Oh. Well, I found the gold fair and square, right? I didn't steal from it. Nobody was holding it when you got it. And everybody knows Regis Keepers Keepers. Reaches Keepers.

Everybody knows. We know, we know Reaches Keepers. I know Richard Keepers. Yeah, we know Rich's keepers. So stop looking at you like that, all right? I didn't steal from him, okay? But once you were aware, it was his gold, it would have been the right thing to do to return it.

No, false. Possession isn't ten-tenths of fairy law. Yeah, what he said. Probably. I don't know if we know that for sure. Well, who makes fairy law? I don't know if they actually have any laws here.

Which is to say that it's Crimmies' gold. To be fair, all I'm going to say is when he got bested on my deal-making negotiation haggling skills, he was threatening to kidnap and like in prison hootsie.

So I don't care too much. Yeah, that was pretty drastic. It was very drastic. It was a little grim. It was a little, I was like, oh man, we're how we're negotiating here? We're real 80s guys here making a deal. As this is all happening,

the sky above is filled with lightning. A light drizzle of rain begins to pour down, but then the clouds begin to swirl and change. And you hear a voice, one that you all recognize. By my very dirty math that I don't guarantee, it would take a rogue with a light crossbow, 372 shots to kill 100 apes,

keeping them at 80 feet or closer. It's about 40 minutes of running and gunning. They could theoretically do it since they can dash and attack. The clouds swirl. The clouds swirl, lightning crackles, thunderboons, thunder booms and the voice

dissipates. Wow. That's neat. Wow. What a cool fan. What's that all about? Thank you, Skyvoys. We appreciate you in putting in this hypothetical scenario. Oh, wow.

I feel like do you feel that's an omen? What could it mean? Did anyone, is it more threatening? We have to worry about the rogues Or we have to worry about 100 gorillas. Should we be preparing for

a guerrilla war? I mean, does anyone have crossbows? Oh, man. I don't know if I'm going to be good at guerrilla tactics. All right. I must prepare. Didn't you used to, like, have a couple

guerrilla buddies at the carnival, you know? I mean, I have a guerrality spirit that's very different from a gorilla. It's basically the same thing, right? It's got four arms. It's got a big old bushy tail. Wait, is that many, control full rocks instead of one.

Oh. It's going to, it's way more threatening than a gorilla. A gorilla. What, is his name, Alan? And he's just a garran. We are going to fight gorilla with gorilla. You think your garran could take 100 gorillas? The sky opens up one more time and you hear the same voice.

If the apes ever get within 50 feet, though, it's curtains. Oh, that was definitely gritting. threatening! Oops! Okay. Did you say curtains because it's thematically appropriate to this particular section of the adventure?

Hmm. Okay. The strange voices disappeared. It's remarkable. I'm going to pretend that that was just the strange, this yawn is about strange sky facts.

Um, thank you. Brinza, possibly. Well, it's about time we hit the old dust of trail. You mean leave later in the campsite?

No, I don't know. He just means the nice winding down. Just go to bed, you know what I mean? We have plenty of time to solve this, don't we? I usually associate that phrase with picking up and leaving the location. I'm happy to go to sleep. This place is a little dusty. A little musty dusty.

It's not at all. I don't know musty dusty, trusty trail. Even less so, as he says it, the rain is pouring down around you. And he does that there could. B is completely moistened. Oh, what I'm not? Busty, busty, they called him.

They never called her that. Ah. They being names. Oh. Whenever would have been to do, oh, Krusty Dave. Ahr. Krusty Dave. Yeah.

You know what Skirvy Dave? Scurvy Dave, sure. And then Kirby Dave. Well, obviously Kirby Dave. And then you remember of Krusty Dave? Yeah. And then his brother. So, so. Curvy Dave and Scurvy Dave were brothers.

Right. And then it was Krusty Dave. He wasn't related. Okay. But his brother, Busty Dave. How did he do you know? Busty Dave, I remember. Busty Dave, I remember.

Rusty Dave. How's that? I don't ring a bell, but. I'm just saying. I'm just saying Busty Dave. Oh, he knew how to have a good time. He really did. He really did.

Never with that a smile on his face. You know, this is a good guy to be around. Yeah. Why don't you think after the third or fourth child, you'd be like, let's pick a name other than Dave. I don't know, maybe that was like their horror scope. Or Dave's the last name. Oh. And so their first name is crusty or curvy or...

Facts. It's more like they were wishing upon them how they would like to manifest in life. It worked. It sure it did. I think their last name was Single. Single? Single. Single. Single. Single. With two asses. That's what I think of us. Are you making a craft single joke?

I'm not making a nice Wendy's Dave single joke. Uh-oh. Well, I suppose it's time that we hit the old slumberland. Doris going to sleep. Good night, everyone. Good night, good night. Guys, are those truly ancient deep crows too around? No.

I didn't see one. You're the only one that ever saw any of the truly ancient deep crows. I think of my still be around. Well, I'm going to go into my waterbed tent house. That sounds nice. Why don't you envision

something nicer for yourself. Yeah, have a little bit self-confidence, Toolback. What does this have to do with Torbeck? He can't. We didn't even buy his. Oh, that's right. What we so have? You just can't take it with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just gets to enjoy his tent for one night, and then back in the dirty goes. A picture of the interior of a palace. Why? Why? Why? What's... Marble statues? It'll be relaxing. As far as the I could see. Okay. Fine.

Well, it's still just a dumpster. I'm just gonna imagine the waterbed from the Neptune in from the goofy movie. The Neptune in from the goofy movie. I can picture that perfectly. Also the cheesy pizza. It looks fantastic. The waterbed is exactly what you wanted. And as you climb onto it, you feel yourself move from one side to the next.

Hootsie climbs on her claws. on her claws popping into the waterbed. Water begins to spill everywhere, but the two of you sleep comfortably on the floor. I'm gonna go cook a four course meal. I'm gonna go to bed. Good night, fellas. And I go prepare an elaborate meal

on the 10 range stove and oven combo. Oh yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, it's delicious after that disgusting cold, rocky mossu. No way, crap, he's going to bed after that. I walk into a very minimal space. It is quite bare, but it allows me to sit down in the middle, and before I crawl into my own bed,

to meditate, to put some incense on, to finally get some space that I feel like is my own for the first time, and I can't remember how long, well before we even got to the Bay Wild, certainly. And all the while ignoring the comments coming from the bathroom. Jesus. Why do you, T. You are my connection to the world

I'm so hungry So please why are you here I can't imagine you away It was you Who in country No, no that's not true You're here in a tent I'm specifically thinking of not you

When I go into this tent You are, I'm going to I'm going to equip you with a sentient toilet. That is, you're unable to unattune from it. It is an internal attunedment. It's cursed attunement.

Great. Oh, man. Torbeck, you climb into your tent. It is the ugliest of all of the tents. You make your way in. It's almost too small for you. It smells horrible. There's fur stuck to the walls,

piles of trash. There's, There's this scent that almost smells good, but as you breathe it in more, there's a pungency to it that you just really don't like. Oh, yeah. And then you notice that there's another flap at the back of the tent. I'm like, oh, I've got a lead, I guess, outside, but there's warm air coming from it. I will, with one long finger, just kind of like peel back this extra flat.

You peel it back and spilling out before you is a long marble hallway. There are marble statues of Torbeck of you lining this hallway. You're incredibly muscular. You have 16-pack abs. You are, think of the most perfect Grecian statues you could ever imagine. And just lining this hallway. It's incredibly warm. braziers lit with incense and off towards the back, you see what looks to be this gorgeous nighttime oasis and a large, decorated bed.

There is a table piled with fruit. It is Dionysus' dream. I'll, like, stick my head in and look around and wonder. This. Oh, this is, this is definitely a trap. I'll peel. and I'll go back to the dump and curl up in the dirty trash water and be like, not today, for a while, not today.

And all of you fall asleep. And you get a long rest. Oh, yes. Torbeck, you wake up and the first thing you do is go to look to see if that place is still there, but where that flap had been, there is no flap. Torbeck knew it. And Torbeck will just kind of stumble out of the tent

out into the hopefully morning sun. And see what else is going on? Olderwin, everyone. As a why. You make your way out of your tents, and Amdipur is already out there. He is tending to the fire. He's got breakfast that he's working on. He has these giant eggs.

They're the size of Torbeck's head, all in varying colors, almost neon colors. They're so bright and decorated. As he's cracking them open and making omelets and you can see that he's created a makeshift oven and he's making what looks to be a sort of quiche and there are all sorts of egg-based recipes that he seems to be making here. He doesn't notice as you approach as he's humming to himself and casually speaking to Pollinella. But eventually as you make your way around the fire, he notices you, Oh, good morning. How did you sleep? Did you enjoy your tents?

It was magical. Thank you. Oh. I'm so happy to hear it, old boy. So happy to hear it. It was magical for me too. I zip up my talent. Well, did you hear that? Is there someone else with you? No, no, no, no. I'm not sure what that was. Tourbe can't complain.

It was very nice. Very reminiscent of a long-gone time. How many leftovers? Oh. You got hot breakfast there for? Yes, I've been making eggs. You're so nice. Yeah.

Well, I was hoping I don't want to be too much of a pest, but I would really appreciate your help and trying to find gleam. Afraid to do it on my own. And as I mentioned yesterday, if your journey leads you to Motherhorn, then it would make sense that we travel together at least for a time. Yeah. And I do have something to offer. Oh.

as I mentioned, I can freely travel between all of hither, thither, and yon, even into the Palace of Hearts desire, so once you're done, you can go straight into it? Oh, yes, of course. Oh, man.

Which is just how I was created. Oh, just you didn't do it. Just like naturally, organically. Well, I was, I did bloom within the gardens of the palace, so it makes sense I got it done. Oh. Guys, quick, quick signbar.

Quick, quick, all right. Oh, yeah, hold out. I'm just not listening. Just go back to the end. Toolback has a lot of embarrassing secrets. Yeah, it happens all the time. We're talking about a medical condition.

You don't want to hear about this. I have a, I have a medicine kit. No, we, we, we, we need special medicine. I mean, look at all the crap on. Look at all the shit. It's been confounding doctors for decades. Yeah.

Full body dingo berries. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds horrible. Guys, yeah, one of the chances that we just consume his heart, and then one of us can also do that. Very unlikely. I don't know. Do you have that power?

Torback doesn't. But getty. I don't know. Like, you might be the heart and then teleport, I don't think. I'm kind of you ever trying. I know, I've never tried. Wait, wait, wait, wait, look, look, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. This is a fucking flat of fancy. The movie that could work. I don't really excited for us. I agree. with Kremi, we can't just eat hearts hoping that we can teleport. Why not? This is that range of us.

Who side are you on? This got threatened to kidnap and kill Utsi. What? Well, just yesterday. This got threatened to kidnap and kill Utsi. And you're telling me you don't want to eat his heart? No, I don't. He's been very kind to us.

He's even a piece of useful. So we're going to steal sacks of gold, but we'd all the way, guys. We cannot eat his heart. Because he's a dandelion. You are yelling. so I can hear it.

He doesn't have a heart. We're yelling very quietly. Uh, erupted, you say. He doesn't have a heart. Unless. No, no, that wouldn't work. But if you got enough rogues with crossbows.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look, we need this guy. He can get us around. You don't want to fucking walk all over the damn fucking province? I mean, it's a new land. Just just act natural, follow Torbeck's lead. And as I stand up and say, and then Torbeck woke up and there was pus everywhere.

Oh, sorry, sorry. That's it, we're done. No, no. Is your part, okay? I heard you screaming about hearts. Oh, no, Torbeck's start is like four times the size it should be. Yeah. All that stuff is a pacemaker.

Well, that must be why you're so kind. Oh, well, thank you for saying that about Torback. kind of you as well. Oh, from a certain point of view, there's a hotter palm. Looks like eggs. And we'll be delighted to help you. Oh, that would be...

Andapur. An absolute dream to have companionship on this, Jack. Well, help you with breakfast, for sure. No, we're going to fondly. Yeah, well, if we do that, can you, you know, on the way to the palace, maybe we could swing by the old unicorn pan, you know what I mean? You know what that is?

Oh, I know the rough direction that it's in, yes. Yeah, so, you know, maybe on the way to the mother horn or... Yes, well, first, we're going to have... My concern is this. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this overnight, and if I know anything about gleam, she is more than likely looking for her shadow. I mentioned it was cut from her by bit end.

There had been rumors of a band of goblin shadow, traipsing around the tunnels in Brighnog mine. Whoa, goblin shadows. That does seem like the sort of place that Gleem would go to try to find hers. Shadows like to stick together. In yon. Can D'Oberg ask a question? Of course, Torbeck.

What happens if one's shadow is to be severed from their body? It doesn't sound like it's that bad. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's incredibly painful. You lose an entire part of yourself. Don't realize how much is contained in your shadow until it's gone. Yeah, I suddenly know that.

At least that's what Deem has told me, but then on top of that, there is just the societal pressure. Shadows do not have the best reputation here in Yon. Well, shadowless don't. They tend to be quite unkind, and so most folk don't trifle with them. Or if they do, Shadows tend to be unkind?

Yes. It is to nefarious ends for the shadows. I did hear that it was... The rumor is that it was a shadow what killed Courtney Penrose. The Castellan of Storm's End? Prevented the tedium of a sage.

Whoa. Wait, that's a horrible. The shadow killed somebody? You killed Courtney Penrose. Wow, that seems very unlikely. I'll find some nasty things. I'll know. There are tales of shadows killing many of folk in yours.

Wow. So we go to this cave with this man? Well, yes and no, we do need to go to Brighnock Mine, but... Well, we need to go there for two reasons. I believe Blime is there looking for a shadow, and I also know that there is an entrance to Motherhorn through those caverns. Oh. However, and this is why she is quite a bit reckless, we...

We, if we're going to go to Motherhorn, I do think that we need the Korids on our side. The Korids, however, will not speak to us if we've been in Brighenock Mine as they are bitter rivals. So it is my humble request that we make our way up to the plateaus to parlay with Korids, and then we head to Brighanoke Mine. Wait, so you're saying that these dwarf fellows, they don't like people that have been to the mine? Well, it's not necessarily that they've been to the mine. It's more so that they are, that they have gallivandered about with the Brighanox. You see the Korids and the Brighanox, they are bitter enemies, bitter rivals.

What if we'd like kill a bunch of them and bring them like heads on Spacks? Well, we'll have a very hard time maneuvering the mines without the Brighanox. Oh, do we want Brighenots to, I'm sorry. I'm taking notes. I'm taking notes. Well, wait a second. So are the Brickinots going to hate us because we work with the Korat? It is something we're going to have to deal with, but my hope is that if Gleam is there befriending the Brighenox, and we are friends of Gleam that we'll be able to parlay with them and we'll have an upper hand.

This is so complicated. Can we just go to the unicorn? I mean, we could. Okay. But we'll still need to go to see the Korids. Okay. And then to the Brickonox. And then into Motherhorn.

Mr. Dandy Lion. Amdipur. Amdipur. The Dendipur. lion would have so much courage. We really want to help. I'm going to level with you.

You've already mentioned like six side quests. We will try our best, but our track record is not very good. So we're going to do our best, right fellas? We're going to, I mean, there's a whole Wikipedia page about it, like, let me tell you, it's just...

We'll give it the exact same effort we use. usually do. We're gonna find Gleem. First and we're gonna meet with the Corridz and then we're gonna meet with the Quignauts. We're gonna meet with the Corrid's first and then we're gonna find Glean. Yeah, we can't meet Gleam until after we've met the Brighonauts. No, we gotta meet the Corrid's and then, but the Brighnots will hate us.

Wait, well, maybe the Korids will hate us too. We have to meet with the Grignots and then we're gonna go meet with the Brighon and then we're going to find Gleam. But when do we do the unicorn? Well, we have to decide if we're gonna do that before we meet with the Korids or not. What, Grico, what are you doing, man? What's called my ass? Unicorn is like tomorrow's problem.

We've got, we got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got caught, big a call fish we got from. I've accepted that, and here's the thing. I mean, this is the main thing we need, right? Yeah. Yeah, we just gotta get the mother home. But to get to my home, you need to go and talk to, uh, what do we need the cords for again?

To let us get through the mine. No, no, no, they're bringing out for the ones. Yeah, no. Oh, the brig-oh. The corids, we just have to ask them politely to go into the mine. We need to get their permission? So the corids have set up sort of a trap outside of the mine. Torreka's gonna be sick.

We can't get into the mine without the corids. Yes. You see, the corids, they are, they're able to shape stone as it was. So they could block our path. Yes, quite. And if they believe that you are working, with bitter end to bolster the Brigha Knox and they believe that these five hearty adventurers six seven seven if you count myself and Paul Nell and I do then they could very

easily block our path now gleam is a shadowless so no one was going to stop her okay have to come into contact with her she's also quite stealthy we'll leave the way do we walk there I mean can you like just teleport us they like you do this up teleportation magic. I'm just simply a deaderline. How did he get to all these other points? Can't you got, you just say you could teleport to the horse desire? I didn't say I could teleport. I said I could

get you to the palace of arts if we would walk. Oh, we'd have to walk. Oh, wow. I'm not glad we didn't eat your heart. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We cannot, we cannot go to the Palace of Heart's Desiret's.

on account of the Jabberwock would already killed us once and so it's probably going to try to get a second course you know what I mean

you know what I mean we gotta build that special weapon or something against it this is a variable Gordian nod of a problem what in the fucking hell it kind of reminds me of the Miranese knot

Oh no Norbeks heard of that Oh, yes. What's that, Grego? That's why Bairson became a POV. Let's move on. Let's move on.

We move on. So we say, I'll go to Endaport and I'll say I've packed up my waterbed. I've packed up my tent. I'm ready to go. I've had a lovely plate of eggs. And I feel like we're ready to go find the courage.

Right. That's next. Right, on the plateau. On the plateau. Before the mic. I am keen. Yes, we're going all the way up there, and then all the way down there on the opposite end.

We've got quite the travel ahead of us. You're wearing your walking shoes. Always. Well, yeah. I only have the one. But you're a cat. Why would you wear shoes? Why wouldn't I?

That's a ridiculous question. Doesn't it hurt your little toe beans? Not a cat. I'm a tabaxi. I know that we make a lot of means about it, Wait, it's not uncivilized and I wear shoes. You don't seem like the type to wear nikes.

That's right, I got these on. I want to pack up my tent. I don't wear shoes. It's not so bad. Oh, yeah. Oh, I guess, yeah. It's not so bad. Dormick has one and a half shoes.

That's true. He gets by, okay. I can avoid blisters. to say. You keep your toes in, they all get scrunched up. Yeah, but like, look at them. Well, it's canon that I don't wear shoes, just like it's canon like I don't have a tail. I don't know if you notice about meanderpaw. Why I'm looking at you right now?

Why would you ever, why would you ever take? I don't have a tail. Why would you say that I would have a tail? I don't have a tail. I don't have a tail. What are the fucking tail? What did anybody ever say that? What did anybody ever say that to you?

The gallons normally have tails. No, goblins don't have tails. Why would you ever have one? Galves don't have tails, man. That would be like putting a tail on a teethling. I'm just saying. Well, they might have down. No, I don't know about teeth.

Oh, they do. Oh, if you want to wrong, look about dragon born. Oh, that's what I was thinking of. It was a dragonborn. They don't have tapes. No, they don't. No, they don't. No one's up, man.

What's it with you in tapes? What? I don't know, that's something funny from school earlier. I think I had a weird dream. I think I had a nut to. I'm going to swallow one of these eggs hole, and then we can go ahead and pack up the camp and make our way up to Lockberry Hensh.

All right, well, we'll just get packing. Wait. What do you mean? Wait. Or not, I guess. I had a, I woke up in the middle of night last night. I saw her out of bed and I said, we gotta go, they're coming, they're coming.

They're coming. Wait, what? Oh my God, who? What the gorillas? I think they were a bunch of gorillas. Oh, yes. We have to tell you about the Xandaport. After you went to sleep, the sky opened us

and threatened us with 100 gorillas. Oh, no, the guerrillas are back. Oh, my. The gorillas have been there before? You should go right now. Well, there's a reason this clearing exists. About 100 guerrillas marched through here yesterday. Oh.

They were all caught up in this strange, magenta-pink tornado Whisk them away. Oh, that's good. We're using a tornado too. That's how we got here. Yeah. Yeah. Could a tornado take us up there and we got to climb?

Well, a tornado could if you have access to control tornado. That's a thing. What about cold tornado wrecks? Is that a spell? I'm not sure. I'm not, I'm not a magic user. You're not. No?

Yeah. I'd like to invent the spell summon tornado wrecks. Okay, can you roll a, D20 for me. It's a 10-love-old. I think the D-100 if he rolls of one, Zeech rips out and grab the minute.

Yeah. Technically, well, 100. 100. I got a 19. Okay. Because we're doing Zich. 100.

I got a 33, which is a critical fail in one. Yeah, that would be a critical fail. Oh, no, success probably. It depends on my skill is. If it's definitely a critical fail. I didn't need the D-100.

With a 19, you think about everything the Baron has ever taught you. and you realize that even if you are the most powerful magic user in the universe, this is one spell you could never attain. No, this is out of my realm of expertise, fellas. I don't think I can summon tornado a Rex again.

Well, you know, we're proud of you for trying. It's all right, buddy. Yeah. Let's walk. Again. We got this far. One day we'll find the wolf whistle and make it to World Eight.

You know, I bet. Grico thinks it's easy having a tail, you know what I mean? I don't really know what's going on with him. I think something's happening. I think he's having mental difficulties. Is he having like an episode? I mean, I guess to be fair, just yesterday a bash tall of the teeth out of his mouth. Surprisingly, many of them have grown back.

That's remarkable. It's unbelievable. Yeah. No, and here, what is this thing about the tail, man? You know, he just takes it for granted. He doesn't have a tail. And, you know, I mean, Frost knows, you gotta fucking, sometimes you sit on it. You gotta, like, think about it, you know?

You've been, like, all of a sudden aware that you have, like, a tongue or like that you have to breathe. Now you're aware of it. Now you're thinking about it, right? Yeah, I wasn't until you said that. And then suddenly my tongue sat heavy in my mouth. And I was like, oh, shit. It's a living fucking hell sometimes. I like my tail.

I mean, I've, I've, I've. fine tale. It's fine. My point is is that, you know, exactly like he has the fucking... How do we not bite our teeth when we chew? The tongue knows what to do. It knows, right? It's dodging and weaving.

We proceed to the bluff or whatever. The plateau. The plateaus. We go to the platoes. Lead you out of the valley that you'd been sleeping in now that the camp has been packed up. And he's able to throw most things into a very small satchel, which also seems to be much larger on the inside.

He piles everything in. He takes the tent from you, packs it up, and begins to lead you up the mountain towards, and you can see the plateau way up towards the top. And you wonder how you're possibly going to get up there. The cliffside seems so, the incline is incredible. And they just just seems too steep, but And D'Vore knows what he's doing and he's able to lead you up these winding paths, showing you exactly which handholds to climb as you begin to scale and make your way up, eventually spilling out about a quarter of the way up this cliffside, and you find yourself on a more flat, rocky outcropping, where you have more room to move. You travel for a bit more time

before eventually you come to a pathway blocked by three goats. Oh. Three mountain goats stare at you. They're bleeding strangely at all of you. You look into their eyes, bleating. Bleeding. Bleeting strangely at all of you.

They are very firmly blocking your path. And the first thing that you notice is their eyes. All three of them have the symbol of the hourglass instead of pupils. Whoa, whoa. Hello. It's kind of weird right after getting the whole ominous omnis. Hello? The goats don't seem to register omnipore.

They are looking between all five of you. I mean, maybe we just walked past them. I mean, they're just goats. Yeah, there's a couple of goats. I mean, it's weird that they have the whole, like, you know, weird hourglass pupils, but don't goats have weird pupils anyway? Like, maybe this is a weak coincidence. Tor is getting a bad vibe.

There's no way that's a coincidence. We have to be very cautious. Maybe we just try. Frost you go first. Can anybody speak goat? No, let me check. No. Grico, that's a you kind of thing.

Oh, everyone I see animal guys. That's your whole fucking thing. What you do? Yeah. That's why I hired you. You're the animal. Jeez, I act like it's a convenient or something. I know, I act like it didn't have a special animal playing.

Oh, geez. Fine, I'll just play the tune from Dr. Doolittle. I do this. I then say fine. I'll kind of lean forward. And I turn on and take a little blue glowing goat. I cast me with animals. And I transform a new mountain goat.

Or a regular goat. I don't have a manned goat. You turn into a goat in front of them. They continue to stare at you. Hello, fellow goats. How do you do in this fine morning for clip-clopping through the mountain passes and chewing on cud or something?

They look between you, or they look at you, and then they look between each other. One of them steps forward and opens its mouth. When the moon obstructs the sun, creeping Lynn will come undone. And then she bows in front of you and steps to the side. Did anyone else see that?

Did I hear that in goat or common? The rest of you here, that's my best goat, okay? That's very good. Thank you. Thank you. Guys, I'm freaking out. This goat just said,

I'm going to try to repeat back what he said it the best way I can. Griggo, we can't speak from him. We can't speak to him. He sounds horrified. He sounds like he's goat screaming. Gosh, it's 2024 rules. I can talk to you right now. Oh, that's right.

I can't. I'm talking. Gosh. I was like, gosh. God. It's Beast Boy. I was trying to test these goats on account of goats not being ruminants, and I've got a crazy fucking brother. Another one.

Oh, God. That's twice. Another one. All right. First guerrillas. Hello. Thank you for that very lovely poetry. Does anyone else have anything to say?

The second one steps forward. Oh, it's gonna do it's gonna curse me. It's gonna give me a riddle. Oh, no. We have to repeat what you're saying. Passions. Stay on script. A cat, a horn, or a shadow ripped.

Okay. A shadow ripped. Do you take that down, Frosty? In your big brain? I can't understand what they're saying. You have to repeat as they're saying. I'm repeating it. I'm repeating it.

Well, all I've gotten is what, ripped, shadow, what? Oh, a horn, a shadow ripped. Something about the sun being blocked, right? A lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely poetry. We haven't heard from somebody. The third one steps forward. This one's clearly older than the rest on its shaky legs. It actually dies.

It's not mistaken. Oh, no. But it is significantly older. She's the main one. Bruehl. No. There goes. It's the metaphor, man.

He's just rolling down the cliff now. I get ready. As it moves forward, it opens its mouth and it says, The fool's sceptre is the key. The who's sceptre's king? And then all three of them. Oh, that's it? Almost surround you.

And you see as, you see as they move. Wait, wait, wait. You see as they move together, the one in the middle begins to raise its leg. And attached to it is a small, a small receptacle that seems to be filled with trinkets and it begins to shake it.

Are you offering me some sort of goody? Are those treats? Hold up, Toby. I begin to. This is goat tartal back. Don't butt in here. Don't butt in here. I'm gonna butt my head on you, okay?

They're asking for treats. Would you like treats? Are you offering us? No, they want to trink it. They want to drink it. When you go to the dentist, you know, there's that little like chest of like... Yeah, suddenly he speaks ghosts.

It's one of the one of the who's holding this? It's like strapped to it. Oh, it's raising its... How far away are you standing from the guts? You're surrounded... You're very... All very close. You can see this happening. You could approach them. Yeah, yes.

Oh, no, no, no, no, talk about to-back, toll back, tall back. I'm the goat, tow-back, go, why? I'm like cross-eyed, tomm, why? Tomback. This is goat, Tom. Forgive my friend. He's never, he's never met a friend that goat before. He doesn't know how to get around goats.

He's got to get his goat. Are you offering or asking? They continue. continues to shake the receptacle. Okay. First of all, before I reach my goat snout in there, first, I would not like if the taste of butter, nor a pretty dress. So don't make me sign no book. And second of all, I do not see greatness.

So please do not curse my entire line to drown the world a black bottle. So just getting a little bit. Just getting that out of the app. We good? I lean towards like my lips peel back and I got the dirt too. Mike Grigo's doing it. I'm doing something. He's the go.

Like feedback it. I'm going to kind of rustle around. I'm going to use my lips to kind of like, I don't want to go here. Once he gets one, you can have one. Literally got here. I don't think they're offering the trinkets. I think that I think that Grigo's about to steal from these prophetic goats.

They're just shaking like that tin bucket around. I'm as if it's like, hey, come in some. I'm gonna just, I mean, they're talking to them. They would have said, hey, pay us something. I'm gonna try to feel, get a sense of what's in this bag if I can, if I met. It seems some, they're cool. I mean, it's a, it's a small receptacle.

You can easily see into it. It's trinkets and things. Oh, hurry up. Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pick up. I'm gonna pick up one and show it off, see what I get. I'll roll it you. 100? Oh, these are two percent.

43. Mm. Hmm. Hmm. You get a tiny wooden silk figurehead from a model ship. Whoa. Oh, that's pretty cool. Whoa, I got a shield figurehead, the elemental, the alchemical being of air.

What? Now we wait to see if the goats kill him. Whoa. I have the elemental aspect of air in my first. have had my finger tips. I can create. We just, we just need free more to create a philosopher's stone. Well, ask you if there's one for each of us, or if it's just like a goat thing. Yeah, is it a tormentor back sir yet? We only three. It's a countervarch to a shalander, an undine and a gnome. A gnome. Well, all of you guys, I know plenty of notes.

All of you guys fell asleep during your alchemy and alchristy classes in the gullible. Is this a Golden Sun reference or something else? Well, I was, I mean, I studied the works of Thea Fossus, Thea Frasus von Batchezza von Hoenheim. I don't know who you've been reading. Golden Sun, pervert. I will pull it out. I'm going to add to my thing the self-figure head, the self-statue. And I'm going to look at them and say,

may my friends take one too? Is it for all of us? It's just me. It continues to shake its tension. in Omdipur steps up. He looks a little nervous and he reaches into his pack and he pulls out a tiny unfinished dollhouse size, a dollhouse size for Pixie and drops it into,

into the bucket. They continue to shake it. Oh, oh, we got a drop shoot in there. We got a drop shoot in there. I don't have that to my stuff. Someone puts up in there for me. No. I don't got, I kind of stand up like Black Phillip.

And I'm like, I don't got no pockets. I don't got no pockets. Oh, hold on. They didn't do this. Cut that out, man. They didn't hurt you when you took it, right? I mean, friendly ghosts. You still seem pretty friendly, right?

Even though he took something. They're still continuing to shake the little bucket. You know, Torbet, go on and try. Just take one. Yeah, I mean, what could go wrong? Nothing. Nothing ever goes wrong for Torbeck, and I reach my hand and I take something out.

I'll roll at you 120 points. You could be terribly cursed. All right, that's my tens digit. 59. 59. You get a wooden mouse figuring that squeaks when it's held and also spouts off a bunch of conspiracy theories. Oh, cool. I don't know if you knew this.

But there's a brain-a-eating monster to the South Pole. And it's the daystream, and actually they want you to collect gold under the adventures. Because that's how the elites listen to us. Do the goals are listening. What's the sound bull? No, the sound pole. Well, that's the thing is that the elites don't want you to know there's going to be an extinction event where the polarity of a venture shifts.

Really? And all the elites are going to go to their secret underground city. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I close my hand around the mouth. And I look at everyone I say, Oh, you guys really messed up because Dormick got the cool, the coolest thing ever. I'm with M. Dupor. I'm going to

put something into the bucket. I'll reach into my pack and I will pull out, I'll stay out here. I'll pull out a trinket that I have a caltrop made of bone that I got at some point in this adventure and I will drop it into the bucket. Or caltrop, depending on how you like to pronounce that. They continue to shake the little. Thank you, goats. I will remember your words as they were repeated to us

by Grico, which I'm sure was extremely. reliable. Fellow goats, I have not a trinket for you on account of being a goat with no pockets. All of my stuff got kind of like sleut into this goat body. But I have a poem to exchange

you for this lovely, would you take a poem instead of a trinket? Friend of a goat. They are not looking at you. They're looking between Cremie and Gideon. Oh, well. Cremant, what do you think, man? These goats are kind of freaking me out. Yeah, I don't know.

Are we giving them this stuff for taking and stuff. I'm worried. I'm worried by the goats, man, I got love with you. I mean, here's the thing. There's a whole lot of folklore around goats that I really don't want to fucking mess with, especially where I'm from. So you think just give them something? I feel like all that gun is useless

crap. We might as well just like chuck the, you know, random shit that we have in our bags in there, right? Might as well. What do you think? Yeah, I mean, I have one hand axe. That's all you have. That's never, that's never seen use. I have a few things. I could hook you up.

I have the unicorn. No, no, no, I'm not going to look like that. I have a... Oh, like junk stuff? Well, I have a tasseled wine charm shaped like a sprite. I have a sycamore seed. I have a piece of parchment with a drawing of an onion on, and I have the mass from Curd to the Cowherly Dog.

I have an awl. I have a frost fingernails. I have a floating rock. I have a face dragon anticon depicted in a fairy dragon. I have an empty syringe. I have a disguised cell face point. Probably a faceband. Well, no, I got the spider toy from the carnival.

I can toss that in. Well, no, doesn't that? you something? It gives you like spider climb. Yeah, you don't give up. That's a magic item. That's a wonderful item. Yeah.

Don't you want to walk on walls on the ceiling? No, no, no. Grico threw all those spiders at me. Give them this. Give them this. And I hand you a 100-sided dye the size of a plum cut from coal. Well, here you go, spooky goats.

There's just a plum-sized. You put that. You put that in. You just take that. You just take that. You continue to shake their little. All right, but I'm done, goats. I'm done.

They're no longer looking at you. All three of them are staring at Grummy. Y'all big wine drinkers. You know, they remember of anything? Yes. Kind of wine club, you know. I wouldn't go famous. You know, if you subscribe.

I'm not drinking any goddamn or low. You sound like Jason Funderberger. A little bit. Are you afraid of gurses? I will take a tasseled wine charm shape like a sprite, and we'll put it in the receptacle. You do that. Wine charm.

Why does I say Bunko buddies? The moment that you place the wine charm into the receptacle, they put down the receptacle. They're no longer shaking it at you. To you, Kremi, Gideon, Frost, and Omdipur, they all kneel down as if in appreciation. To you, Torbeck and Grico, They turn to you, they look at you,

stared deep within you, and you feel not one, but three curses overcome you. One from each of the ghosts. I need you each to draw three terrible. Oh, yeah. Let me get ready for this. Hold on. Jesus Christ's curses. I'm sure this is gonna be five, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I see greatness and so I shall have it. I should to change the wound, and so I would do it. Creamy, Gideon, Frost, and Omdipur. You each get a potion of advantage. You feel your sack get a little heavy. Your satchel, I should say. No different from before.

As you realize that something has been deposited for you, there is a small vial with beautiful silver liquid in it, and it feels powerful. I don't, I thought. Oh, it's a wild deal on the world. Which is? It is. Oh, goodness gracious. What have I done?

I take it back. The most of your choice statue is. A golden mist. Well, I'm doing a beautiful silver. It's like the unicorn blood in Harry Potter. Oh, that's pretty good. I love unicorn blood. Delicious.

Queen of coins, upright. Okay. Should go back and forth. Oh, yeah, draw all three. Let's do all three. Let's find out exactly how Grico. They look towards Grico is he was the first one to take

something from their receptacle. You said it was Queen of Swords. So Queen of Coins. All of them are upright. All of them are upright. Okay. Queen of coins. You will do one at a time for me.

I don't know, I mean, they look kind of happy with them. You look at it. Oh, yeah. You look around at everyone. All three of the goats, begin to smile at you. Their mouths lined with humanoid teeth. As you look towards Torbeck,

the teeth that he used to have in his mouth are also humanoid. A bird flies by past you, and as it opens up its beak to caw, you see rows of humanoid teeth. Every creature that you see appears to have their mouth full of humanoid teeth. Should I not put those back in before I draw?

Yeah, because we don't want duplicates. What was your second one? like horrific. No. What was your next one? Oh, four of cups. And it was all of your wife, right? Yep. Oh, all right, yep. You are horrified by this, as you realize that that is not the scariest thing that you see. The scariest thing, or that's not the scariest thing that is happening in this moment. Everyone here, except for you, was dead. But it's horrifying because they don't even realize they're dead. You're the

only one that knows. Oh! Oh my gosh! What next? Strength upright. Strength upright. You can pre-order now at the crooked moon.com, and right now there's a little bitch

who's writing an angry comment. What is this emerging garbage? Oh, what is this cringe? It's good that you realize that they're all dead because you are the ferrymen of the dead, and all souls must. be judged by you. The only way that they can accept their death is if you judge them. So you must do that and ferry their souls to the other side.

I don't know, why is it? Why is it moving? Everyone around me has pristine perfectly white, perfectly straight teeth. They clearly all have dentists and downtown LA. And they're dead inside arrived at Los Angeles. Oh, man. That's very funny. Oh, Shane. Let's ferry them.

Torback. Yeah. First one is the world upright. The world, you don't say. You are listening to what Gercow is saying, but it is difficult to truly focus on his words when all you can think about is how hungry you are. Hungry.

He mentions their beautiful teeth, and you realize that all of their teeth are the barriers to what lies deeper. Their brains. And you want brains. Brains would be delicious. You have a mounting desire to consume brain. You better believe I do. The hanged man upside out. Oh, okay.

This should be good. A creepy mask appears on your face, and nothing you can do will remove it. It is blocking your men. from consuming graves. No! Oh, no. And then I got temperance upside down. Wow, you got all major archa.

Almost major, all my major carna. One of them jumped out, so I stuck. I grabbed it. It was the world. You can only move by crawling around on all fours. And the crawling is always creepy and unsettling. I wish I could like physically like arpeas and and really just creep the all you guys out.

I'm stuck in my chair. As you begin to talk to me, you would see that like the look on my face, only for a moment, changes as this like horrifically creepy mask. What does the mask look like, Andy? I'm almost picturing something like extremely simplistic in nature. It's not like an over-the-top spooky mask. It's like, it's very plain, almost like, like, like, no face style.

You know what I mean? Like a, like, co-the-face stealer, like, very simplistic mask. And Gricko would only look into my eyes for a moment. Yeah, it's, yeah, yeah, it's like bone white color, right? You would look at my eyes for a moment and see the hunger before this mask overtakes. And as you're, like, talking to me, my body begins to kind of contort. And, like, you're, I don't know if you're used to, but you would absolutely see the way that Torbeck moves and the way that his

flesh undulates is like not normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for some reason, I'm not standing upright anymore and I'm down on all fours as I begin to get closer to you and say, what did you say here, and I'm trying to get really close to you. You can see that I'm like trying to get close to your like ear, but I can't like

quite make contact with your hole and like you can see me hear my tongue against the inside of the mask. What is that, Gringo? What is you saying? Uh, bah, Torbeck. Yes. I don't know how to tell you this, Torbeck. You're dead.

Are you sure? But you have very nice teeth. Oh, thank you. All of you. I have seen the truth. I have been given a duty to ferry all of your souls. You don't know that you're dead. I am a combination of Haley Joel Osman in the Sixth Sense

and Davy Jones in Parks the Caribbean. Dead man's chest. A lot of stuff has happened. And black field up from the witch. I'm a film trifecta. And, Ani, you must all follow me to the other shot. Has Grico always had a pump action shotgun or not? And an excellent knowledge for men.

I take my gloves off and I have little hands. The three goats take this opportunity to begin scaling the sheer cliff face. all the while keeping their eyes on you. It's almost owl-like the way their heads turn back around and they watch you as they scale up. Goodbye. See you later. Thank you for the clarity.

What's the weather like? It's storming. It's a little overcast in the dark. It looks like the clouds are at most an hour from bursting. They're heavy with rain. Oh, you think they're cursed? They're definitely cursed. I mean, look.

Oh, my God. It's hard to tell when it's these two sometimes. They could just be doing it. It's like that really Opie enemy's melbourne ring. Oh, God. He's like baldow from shooting someone's okay. Oh, no. They got so creepy and unsettling when he moves.

They should have given trinkets. Perhaps I can catch up with the goats and pay them for removing the curses. Do you think it's too late? I mean, they're running up that cliff and looking back at us like creepy out. Wait. Do you have a climb speed? If you have a climb speed, fucking go for it.

I have a climb speed. Everyone follow me. I do have a climb speed. Everyone listen to me. I will guide you to the other side off that cliff. Follow me. No, I don't think I have. I don't have a glum speed.

Blackfield, Blackfield, a crown goes out. Come back. Come back. Black Philip, Black, Black, fill up, to Nanny Queen is wed. Jump to the fence post running in the stall.

Black Philip, Black, a black Philip King of Come back. He's creeping me out. They're both creeping me out. Please. Follow me to the other star. I'll give you a drink at.

You don't realize you're dead. Are you paying attention to Grego? I hear what Grigo's saying, but my eyes are focused on the receding goats and trying to get their attention so that I might be able to get them trinkets. Roll a persuasion check. Oh, that's where I'm a Viking.

I'm leading them to the top of this mesa where their afterlife. I was like to try to sneak up on frost. I'm 17, eh? You see them turn around, well, you see them turn around for a moment and they begin to bleat and the sound is almost like they're laughing.

I hold up two trinkets. Blaze, you can't leave them like this. We need them for our adventure. We're here to do good in this world. They jump further up the rock. I look at my valuable. piano key in my small, sharp iron scissors. And I sigh.

Well, hopefully this will fade in them one day. And presumably Torbeck is sneaking up on it. I was like to sneak up on false and he's taking his eyes on. I would say you can roll an advantage

because of how sneaking. I'm not. I have a natural 20 for 30. Oh! Can you, can you notice? I'm just going to look at you my... Oh, my goodness. What are you doing?

Are you using your brain? Yes, yes, I always use my brain. It's very big. Are you sure? Yes. Please stop making the sound in my ear. I don't care for it. I'm very pleased that you don't have a mouth right now.

Okay. You just say, I don't know, I'm using it. Torbeck, what's gotten into you? Torbeck, we'll try again later. If you change your mind and your night, using your brain, please let Torbeck no. Torbeck. Have you acquired a craving for brains?

No. Torbeck. Roll a 20 for deception. That's that roll of 17 for insight. All right, Torbeck, I believe you. Yeah, I mean, that tracks for me. Do? We just said no, I mean, what-

20, you know this guy? Look, look, look, it's hard to read his expressions, When he doesn't when he doesn't when he has a mask like this. You don't know. Yeah, he's unreadable. That's my head begins like to us It's got a fucking mask off It's hard to read his expressions for sure, but he sure is saying brains a lot And a voice that makes you think he's great brains? Brains does someone say brains? But we can't we can't know for sure until perhaps we put some real brains in front of him and then we'll know all I'm saying Torbeck is there's six people here. Well, yeah There are seven here.

Look, if they climb up the rest of the way, Armdippoor, could you just lead us up in the path for like normal folk? Oh, yes. We won't follow them. They're headed. Good luck, fellas. All right.

Well, we'll follow you. Yes, we'll continue along our way. And hopefully we'll reach Loughbury Henge by rainfall. Emphorn, did you know that our friends would be terribly cursed by not putting drinks in the bucket? Well, no, I didn't. There is the rule of reciprocity, and they provided us with prophecies.

Oh, yeah. Wait a second, so you did know. No, I just, the kind thing to do when they've provided us with insight into the future. Well, you're not talking about kindness, you're talking about laws. And they got pretty lucky that we haven't had a guy that speaks goat.

What if we didn't have a goat-speaking guy? They can speak common. Oh, that's bad. Because all I got was Moon, destruct sun, creeping limb come undone, passion stay on script. Oh, the creeping limb, you say.

Rippled. Rippled. Rippled. The creeping limb? It's a horrible eldridge beast. Stalks of forests. Oh, nothing like the Phantom Stranger. Are you sure it's not Torbeck?

Look at his limbs. He is quite amazing. You point at Torbeck. You can see that like the tanks are still on my back, like normal. You just hear Torbeck go, Roo! And then his head just

Dressuracy degrees, and I saw, like, Oh, come children, come to your message place. Oh, wow. I don't hear this. Oh, God. Are you, are you just? Yeah, yeah, I'm just like running at you guys. Skaring wild.

Yeah, I'm just like running at you. Like, Torek doesn't realize he's being threatening. He's just like trying to join the group. Toova, you gotta stop that. Fucking cut it out, man. What are you doing? Stop what? Stop what!

Cut that out. Stand up straight, get over your hands. This is the greatest curse that I've happened to have ever. Don't be at you. Don't be at you. Torbeck, if you act more naturally, and that means no talking about brains and no erratic creeping crawling around,

we'll give you some brains later, I promise. Torbeck is unsure that Torbeck can get up. This is comfortable. Well, you don't have to crawl creepily, at my point. You can crawl. I've never seen something crawl on all fives before. Oh, my God.

That's just a nightmare. God, he's like Greninja. From the ways down. You're literally this guy. I look to the world right there. Oh my God. I look to the camera as if I'm the group chorus. Breaking the fourth wall say,

little did they know. It was a feature, a creature feature, featuring the creature. All right, well, let's make our way to Lockberry Hinge. Lockberry Henge. Let us away, yes. Okay. To meet the chords. To meet the chords, yes.

Yes. They're blocking the weight on the mind. Oh, yes. Three. You got to be a bit. Hot damn it's meat. It's just straight at him. I'm not going to say.

I can't sing. I don't have any more of those potions that allowed me to sing when we were, when we did the hopper. You don't have to be good at it. You can still sing. That's fair, but it makes me. feel embarrassed and I don't want to feel embarrassed. Please don't feel embarrassed. You're among friends.

Thank you, I'm the poor. Why would you feel embarrassed for being terribly bad at something? Why would that make you feel embarrassed? Because I'm not, I'm not good at it. I'm terrible bad at cooking, but you know that. That's true, yeah. You know, the eggs were of satisfactory quality. They were, I believe they were spoiled.

I, they were little... You knew the eggs were spoiled? And you knew those goats would curse our friends? You were the worst fucking companion I don't have so far. You all need to roll for disintentioned. You can't teleport around? All you do is walk as places we've already been?

Yes. Dang it! Yes, the realization that you can't teleport us is actually quite sour. I am curious, Frosty. Not as sour as those eggs, Frosty. No, the eggs were a little more sour. My good old boy.

I'm curious. Why did you think I could teleport? Because you said, You could take us there in such a manner that it led one to assume. We all assumed that I wasn't the only one. We could be in the palace, and then we're in thither, and we're all over the place. In the blink of an hour. I can take you anywhere.

I don't believe, well, yes, I can. There are people that can travel between thither and yon, or hither and thither, but it's difficult to find anyone that can travel between all of them. Let alone the palace of heart's desire. I understand now that you mean that you mean that you. you were able to cross the threshold from one realm to the other. That is what I mean from. However, you made it sound like we would join hands and bamph there. They just appear into it.

Are you sure that I made it sound that way? Yes, I am. I'm very sure. Yes, 100%. A hundred percent, yes. Or do you think it's possible that you wanted it so badly you convinced yourself of it? Sounds familiar. Can I ask you a question or two on the board?

Of course you can, Cremerey. Fire away. Can you please stop trying to lick my earlobes? I was going to ask, does he have visible earholes? He does have visible earholes. Wait, how long is Torbeck's tongue? Very long. We're getting there. Oh, God, excuse me, excuse me. I think that if Amdipur is perceiving Dormac,

you would absolutely notice that in this horrific, his head's just doing this. I would like you to stop that. Okay. please. Yeah, Dorbecky or she. Would you, would you mind doing it then? Sure.

You're not, you're, you're not stopping. Just Biden, Dorbeck's time. Until? We'll see. That's ominous. Is he going to be, oh, this must be that illness you told me about. I, yeah, he's got some medical problems, you know. Yes.

A couple. I'm not drunk. attention to it. First question is, can you fly? No. Polonella can, but she can't carry too much. How many guys can she take it once?

I'm sorry, what? How many guys can she take it once? Of us? I think she's only ever taken one guy at once. Oh, okay. I don't know one at a time. All right. But she can't take you is what you's what you're saying. Well, yes, I... There's a dandelion. I don't

wait much. All right. And are you immune to fall and damage? Me, no. How about the B? And she has wings. I think it would be difficult for her to fall. Well, presumably, you know, if there are waves to make it happen.

If something happened, her wings became compromised, no, she would not be. All right. Good to know. Falls would wound her. All right, well. Please proceed with, you know, just following behind you. Certainly eyeing all the various way. He continues to lead you up the cliffside.

And eventually the two of you begin to feel the magic's wane as the curses slowly leave you. How far am I up the mountain alone as a goat? Oh, you left. Oh, yeah, I went to go guide them to the top of the mountain where the final resting place was. You find yourself sitting on a plateau just filled with goat. There's tons of goats up here.

Wrecking. And you vaguely remember Omdipur saying that they were headed up towards Goats Ledge, and that's what this appears to be. It smells horrible. Blackfield from the Lyons den, East of Lions? Lines? Huh. You guys, you guys are goats too, huh? You guys got...

Oh man. Uh-oh. Are you my lads that got turning the goats? It's me, Grico! Look, you can tell because I can do this. That trick that I always do that you're so impressed by? It's me, Grico. Lads!

It's me! I've come to the realization. Are you speaking goat at them? Yeah. I'll watch, let me see a long glass. I don't know any Grichos. You know of Grico? No, I don't know any grickos.

Wasn't Grico that goat that fell off the cliff a couple weeks ago? No, I don't know. I don't think so. I think that was muck. Are you sure? Nope. Just a goat. Hmm. It was only the last 10 minutes. So I don't know if I still have this. But I'll think, hmm, you know what muck backwards spells. I'm gonna see if they can kick you off the lens.

No, they can't. Well, it's been lovely goats. I don't know if you can hear me no more, but, I'm gonna find me friends. There's a lot of goats. Oh, yeah. I would say 30 goats up here. There should be 100 of them. There are 100 goats up here.

It's like the birds. And I'm like walking in the car. Hey, it's cool. Please nobody curse me more. I've already been cursed by goats today. As you get to the edge of the cliff, you can see your friends way off in the distance. Hey, guys.

There's no way they could hear you. Guys! It's me, Grico. See? I'm doing that thing. Wait, yeah. I think that's a Grico. He's doing that thing over there.

Look at that little thing? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's always so impressive. He always seems to be doing this. No, look at it. It's hard to do. It's harder to do it. Oh, look.

I'm doing that thing that I'm known for. He made it. I really thought we lost him. I thought it was gone to the Go-Had Hags around. Yeah. Oh. very quickly, no podcast listeners. We're not going to explain at all.

At all. What Mikey is doing. Yeah. I think the moment that Torbeck's curses would pass, he would immediately, like, come to and realize that he's, like, crawling around the ground on all fours and feel very, very silly. And just, like, kind of meekly, like, stand up and be like, guys, Torbeck didn't know what that was.

Torbeck, sorry. And we just move on and forget about that. Well, that was weird. The next time you have an opportunity to be generous or steal from someone, be generous, and you won't be cursed into whatever that was. Tournament didn't think he was stealing. Dormac thought they were offering. Plus, this thing's still really cool.

And I listen to my mouse again. What does it say? Oh. You still have that? Yeah. You know, those aren't actually goats up there. Those are government drains. Yeah.

The King of Marks is actually a visiting emissary from the, from the autumn court. He's actually been compromised. There's a lot of black male on the countervying on him. And he's actually a double agent working for the Winter Queen. What's a government? He obviously failed.

Although he doesn't appear to be of summer is actually all entirely agreed. I close like this. You should check this down. It's kind of worth it, honestly. You should hear what this thing can say. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid to.

Um, and guys, it's, wait. Wait, oh, you can't hear me? We'll see you around, Ricko. No. No, it's me. It's me. I'm not one of the other goats. Look at me. Catch up. Is that sin that I'm always doing, podcast listeners? Pre-order now at the Cookerville.com, bitch.

Found my fucking way down the valley to my friends, because I last three hours. You, you do. I'm a goat for three hours. But there's no way that you're going to catch up with him anytime soon. The rest of you. I guess we just keep walking. Let's not wait for him. Just sing a song. Are you gonna wait for him? I'm in how far is it?

So you have been traveling for about almost two hours with Amdapur since the curse has happened. Technically I was gonna have them last three hours will take too long. So I ended them early, an hour per goat. And so Grico climbed for almost two hours up a cliff. Well, you guys made your way two hours,

the opposite direction. You can't jump, right? I went up against the cliffle. He's only taking 15 steps. Guys, it's really only gone now that I'm aware of my hooves. I'm aware of my hooves. He's probably

He's probably yelling at us something right now, right? Yeah. Okay. Grigo, just me, it's in the place we're going. Just me, it's over there. Oh, gosh, I'm... Oh, I'm so bored up here. It's just me, and my lonesome of goats are gone.

I should see the song. They're like 100 goats by you. Are they following me? Well, there are goats all over the sheer cliff. They're like those creepy. They're those creepy goats that, like, stand on these sheer cliff faces, and you don't really know how they gode about up there, but they do.

It would be really messed up of one of those eagles that grabs onto the whole of it. I go and go it's off the cliff to smash them on the rocks and eat them. Roll a D1. Please. Please. I'm begging you. There's a shadow. Summon the Golden Eagle, Bob.

Summon the Golden Eagle. 97. Okay. You know what? With that, you do see one of these giant eagles, and it's heading straight for the goat that's right beneath you. You see the goat look up, and it has realization in its eyes. It knows that its life is over. But you are shaking.

Again, you realize your hooves. This is so much harder for you. The eagle can smell the sweat on your brow and it turns to you instead and rips you from the mountainside and begins to sail through the air. Oh, there he goes. What do you do? He's not gonna be able to do that thing

that he always does. I'm gonna turn. Guys. Rescue is down under looking mother fire. I. I am So I've been picked up in its towns You have been picked up in its towns

And it is now sailing through the air Do we see this at all? I'm I get my eye on this Big Frost sees it Guys you should see this He's not just doing that thing that he always does anymore is this this is different Dangerous no no no no

He's like a mile and a half in that direction He's been picked up by a giant eagle that's looking to crush him Against the Rocks Oh, Grinno's always having fun with the animal. Great. What's the animal's got? Giant Golden Eagle has picked him up as his goat in his goat form, and he's about to drop him hundreds and hundreds of meters down to the rocky floor.

You can't tell that. We're a mile and a half away. I turned to try to skip like a anywhere. Frost is describing. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of avatrous and gain access to tons of exclusive perks. including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas,

shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You turn, it's clear as day to see. This eagle is huge. Holy crap, God's Frost is right! Oh, now you're just playing a prank.

I'm not going to turn to look because you're going to put the laugh at me. No, go, look, look, look. Oh, Jeremy, it really is. He really is been scooped up by an eagle. Are you in on the game? No, man, no, it's the craziest thing. No, look over there, man. He says it's a crazy big golden eagle.

He's all scooped up. I mean, I don't know what happens next, but... Well, I'll be fucked. There he is. You know, you can hear him having fun, man. He's having great time. You know, when he's turning to a goat, do you think he's voiced by David Spade or is that like only Lama?

Oh my God, no, he's definitely voiced by David Spade. No, he's got to do the defense speed. Whatever the accident. Sorry, sorry, no, he's definitely voiced by David Spade. I just, yeah, it's the thought knocked me. The thought knocked me on. If he were closer, I would try to help him by jumping on. the lily pad that I can use to float around, but it's only 20 feet for, uh, per turn.

I'm gonna look, I'm gonna transform out, and I'm a goblin. Go, Trot. Roll a persuasion check. What do Eagles, what do Eagles like? Is it a persuasion or animal handling? Um, yes. If it's animal handling, it's a 26. If it's persuasion, it's a 20. Okay. You're just pretty good at the eagle lets out. a screech and you see its head kind of dip. And then you hear, I thought I picked up a goat. Oh, that goat back there looked real delicious.

But no, he fell out and I was actually, was kidnapped by the dog. And you saved me, Eagle. Thank you so much for saving me from that mean, or meel, goat. Well, I don't really want to eat a goblin. No, no. I should just drop you right here.

Oh, no, probably shouldn't drop me. No. He starts to drop you, but then he gets... Why, why not? Why not? Why should I not drop you? Because I know what all eagles want to hear. You do. Love lift us up where we go.

Where the eagles fly on the mountain high. I guess animal friendship on my... He's a big of wisdom saving pro. DC-16. Oh, my God. God, he's not passing. Hold on, I'm gonna see you a giant eagle. Wisdom? No, no way.

No way. Oh, what do, what do eagles like you here? I can't believe there is a giant eagle stab lock. Yeah, of course. I mean, of course there is, but wisdom, you are gonna hate this. I rolled a natural 14 and their wisdom is plus two. Wow.

Meat or beat. But I would like you to roll a performance check for me, please. Probably at it, man. That's right. What do eagles like to hear? Well, I was running down the road trying to losing my lo, and the world of trouble. Ah!

What are you going to do to do, sorry? A performance check. Performance check. Unbelievable. These dice are fucked. These dites are absurd. Yeah, I'm ready. Cure it are the animal beast dice

of the crooked moon.com, motherfucker. Or the morning thing, which is what I've been rolling. I'm rolling like crazy, crazy hot cakes. They're great. Perfermence, that is a 21. Uh, though you, the magic that you're trying to, utilize on this eagle doesn't seem to take hold. The way that it begins to fly, it seems like it's really enjoying the songs that you're singing. I have not heard that song in ages.

Oh, my sweet girl used to love that song. It's a girl, my lord, and a flatbedbed fall. You know what I mean? Oh, I know what you need? Oh, you know, she's slowing down. You know what they always? Don't say maybe, you know what I mean. You know what they say? Fat-bottom girls make the rock and world go around. You know them girls in Winslow, Arizona. Oh, baby, Miss Eagle. I have never been, but I hear it's lovely. Oh, yep, yep, yep. It's all great, Miss Eagle.

Well, I am starving, and I would like to have dinner. This has been lovely. Is there some place that I can drop you? Oh, no, you could drop me. Do you mean, like, drop me? Like, oh, I say yes, then you're like, oh. And I get crushed. Or it's like you'll drop me off like a Gwaihir, the windlord

to Gandalfi. the grey after saving him from the top of Orphanthraim the tower of Sauron men. You would think with a, with you would think with a name like Sauron man, wouldn't you? I was so surprised. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't. I was so surprised. But I'm an eagle, so quite smart.

If you could just take me, my friends are down there. No, those little ones down there, yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there was Andapur. I do love him. Sure, I can, I can give you a lift. Thank you. You're welcome.

Would you mind just singing a few more tunes to me while we away? Oh, oh, yeah. On a dog does it highway. All right, sing it. And he just sails down. And you watch, as all of a sudden this eagle just completely turns around and starts gunning for you guys. This eagle is going incredibly fast.

It looks predatory. It is, it looks horrifying. This eagle looks like it is coming. down to destroy you. Well, it's coming in this way. It hasn't dropped the Gricom. That's remarkable. Oh, it has a threatening horror about it.

You think Grico sold us out that eagle's coming from second? It seems like something Grico might do. Quick at the red out of the sky. Who's that? Oh, no, oh no. Amdipore starts yelling out at you. No, please.

I've thrown seven rocks already. Don't he hit polls. I've thrown seven rocks before he speaks. No, no. No, no. Paul, it's Amdable. Paul. It's Paul.

Yes, name's Paul. Because look, it's either Chad or Carl, and now it's Paul. Now it's Paul. Sometimes it'll be Steve. Everyone stop. First of all, Amdabor is someone to be trusted, and if he says the eagle's cool, then the eagle's cool. And second of all, you're throwing rocks.

You know Eldridge Blass. Oh, kid. No, wait up. No, no. Paul's cool. Paul's cool. What's happening. Throwing rocks.

Good grief. The eagle sails down and drops Grico gingerly at your feet, before circling back up into the air. I'll see you later, Amdapur. I'm on my way to get goats for dinner. Lovely to meet you, little goblin. Oh, thanks. Thanks, man.

We should jam later. Sure, just anytime you need me, just, you better call Paul. How can I reach you? Call Paul. Call Paul. lies away. Thank you, Derek. Today's been a weird day.

Guys. Do you know what's me when I was doing it? Yeah. Even from that distance, man. I knew it. I knew that you guys would know it was really me. You're always doing that.

You've been doing that from the very beginning. That's the thing that I'm always doing. Hey! I knew that you guys knew what's me. It wasn't just a no random old goat. I remember when you did that in episode one. Yeah, me too. Good times, man. Seven times.

Yeah, when your legs fuse together. We're glad you're okay. Oh, yeah, thanks. I'm glad everyone's okay. I'm glad that you guys didn't fall off and die. Especially you, Annapal. Oh, thank you, yes. I'm still alive.

Because you're all guide. Yes, I am. And we are about halfway to our destination. We only made it like two miles. It's taken us hours. You feel like you've only had 13 days for us. Asked Paul to give us all a ride. Oh, he did say that he was picking up dinner.

No, there's just no time to ask the Eagles to fly us straight into their imagination. In the Fayewall, do they also kind of like semi-divine, like the chosen of Arruilu-Luvitar. But what? Oh, bless you. Yeah. What's this guy he's always talking about? Arruilu-a-Lu-Dah? No, I did, man.

Well, I can't even repeat that. I can't believe that you, I finally find God, and everyone's giving me a hard time about it. It's fine. Some friend of you all. Let's keep going. And you do keep going. You travel for another 30 minutes or so. I don't know, maybe that's just like open the door.

Before you eventually spill out to another open area. Very quickly. I'm sorry to interrupt, but can we go back and I can make a really funny joke about chagotlet and then we can move on? Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Okay, okay. Oh, yes, he's probably going to get some chagotel right now. Oh, yes, probably. Okay.

I bet he ordered ahead. What's your goat lay? Chigote. Chagot-lay. What's Chagot-Lay? It's like Chapo-Lay, but with a goat in the middle. What? All right, let's move on.

And then, so now you're spilling out into an open area, and you're immediately hit with a wall of sorrow. Stretching out in front of you is this, this almost like a veranda off the side of this mountain. This is the best way to describe it. It is rocky, covered in moss and grass, and there's only one thing on it, or I should say one person. This entire space is filled with an aura of sadness. A small goblin girl is standing in the very center, whimpering and crying to herself,

as she holds tightly to a kite that is flying up in the air, getting caught on the wind, nearly pulling her, or attempting to pull out of her hands. She's holding onto it for dear life as it is slowly inching her closer and closer to the ledge. All right, Gregor, Greg, it's another Grico-focused MPC. Go on. Grigo, please hurry. Make sure that she doesn't get pulled off of the cliff, but also the lightning is about. And she's carrying a kite in the sky.

But she's a goblin, you see. And you're a goblin, you can speak goblin. And you're the only one of us that can speak goblin. Yes, that's very true. I mean, you're the only man for the job. Miss Pull. Well, maybe I just grab the kite and you can go have the conversation with the guy. No, Tollbeck, why don't you go?

Well, now, now Torbeck's not so sure Torberg wants to. To be fair, it's a sad goblin girl. You want Torbay to walk up there? Well, that's what I'm worrying about is that he's going to feel. He's going to scare me. You know what I mean? Why? Torterbeck's not.

Fine, Gregor should do it. Just don't scare her. Oh, we don't all hit by you. You are. It's overwhelmingly sad. It's not changing your feelings. It's not changing your emotions. It's more of an external. The sadness is so overwhelming. It's a melancholy scene, not a melancholy effect.

We're not a melancholy. Hey, little kids, back away from the ledge. It does seem magical in nature, but not in the way that it is changing how you feel, but that you can tell that there's such a sadness about her that it's overwhelming. Oh. Yeah, Gama, kidd, are you okay? You okay out there almost on the ledge? Gosh, I just had.

Oh, gosh. My mom and dad is going to do something awful to me. Is this some kind of fate trick? You're legally obligated to tell us. I mean, it is, but... Show about that? Yeah. You swear on your parents' life?

I do. Her parents dead. This is a terrible problem. I thought that you just said that they were gone. Well, they're not here. Oh, I assume that they meant dead. No, they're not in mother horn. Sorry, we've run into a lot of orphans lately.

No, no. Oh, I got parents. We got a mom and a dad. If we pull you from the ledge, are we gonna like mess up everything you got going on here? Is it gonna be bad for us? Yeah. On the wind, you hear, you disgusting, awful little girl.

No one will ever love you. Your mother doesn't love you. She regrets you. Your father hates you. Look what you did to him, to his wife. She's older now. Less virile because of you. And you, you, you, you,

look up towards this kite and you see that the kite itself seems, the kite itself seems to be alive. It has this horrific face that is stretched across the triangle-shaped wooden beams that make the kite. The string that she's holding onto, there are five pristine blue bows tied to it. And as the kite flies over her, it's constantly just raining down these horrible things, telling her that she's going to grow up to be ugly. that she will die old and alone with no family and no friends. That she is determined to live a life of sorrow. It's the most horrible things that you could ever imagine. This kite is just spewing at her as she holds onto it for dear life.

Hey, that little girl's not tore back. You can't say those things to her. And I'm gonna see if I can get close enough with 10 feet of reach. Oh yeah. To see if I can kind of like scoop her away from the edge and like pull the kite away away from her.

You, I'll say you don't even need to roll to do that. You're able to reach, she's very tiny and she weighs practically nothing. Like, it is surprising that she has not been flung from this ledge already, but you pull her back, kind of giving her a little, um, giving her a little stability. And as you go to attempt to grab the, the string, she begins to cry even more. No, no, no, no. Calm down, take a deep breath. Oh, gosh, you can't.

Okay, all right, all right, all right. Let's all calm now. Take a deep breath. Torvick's not going to take the kite. Torbick doesn't want you to blow over the edge, okay? Torbick's got a hold on your shirt. I feel a lot more secure right now, but it's just saying all these awful things.

Just whatever you do, don't get on end of Lensbatside. Don't get on inside. I'm just going to hold on to her, like, her shirt or whatever. She can't fly over the edge. And, like, turn back to the guys and say, gosh, you won't want Torbeck take the kite. She's freaking out. She thinks he's gonna kill her.

What if we kill the cat first? Can you kill the kite, do you think? We could try. Yeah. But that could kill me too. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't want to kill the kite if it kills you too. I don't, I don't know. I just know that those five bows that if I let go of the kite, for any reason while those five bows were still there, it would age me.

Some amount of age for each of those bows and that I would either be an dead. We just have to take those bows off there. But you can't get them off with the kites in the air? Why not? Well, yeah. What, what? Super high up, and we can't, like, grab the string.

Really, really high up. Oh, well. I feel like. You could try. It would easily handle this problem. You're turning to some kind of little critter, you know, scampering up there. I mean, if you could, you try it.

I mean, I'm pretty good at scampering. I love it. Who knows that thing is always doing? You're not that big. You're not that big. No, man, that's how you know what situation is about to get in. All right. Hold on to, a girl.

You just turn into like a tiny mouse that talks about conspiracy. I never mind. Just go up the thing and like nibble off the bows. I mean, how it could be? How are it? How could it be? You think I just turn into a little mouse right now? Why not?

I have a little something. Something's little. You know what I mean? I mean... Perfect just has mice on the brain. It can be anything. Okay. Just don't leave you behind again.

I don't want to get picked off by no kind of what you call it. We're not going to leave you behind. Okay. Oh, oh, hickory-dickory dog. I'll shrink and I'll shrink and I'll shrink. And then I'll get very small. I'll turn to a little mouse. He's got a little mouse hands and I'll do this. He's still him.

He's still me. You can tell me. I reach out my other hand and see if I can offer you my hand to run up and so I can set you on the string. Squeak, squeak, squeak. Yeah, all right, come on, Greg. We don't know all day.

And I'm going to try to like, while holding onto the goblin girl and just like give him a platform to try to run up the string. A lot, little bunny. How high up is? I'm a mouse. The kite is, I have the dimensions here. The kite itself is, the string is 40 feet long, so it's about 40 feet up in the air. It's where you get that.

And along its length in eight foot intervals, starting about five feet from the goblin girl, are the bows. Okay. To our eight feet between each bow. You know, while I was in that form, do you think he's voiced by Paul Lynn and Michael J. Fox? Oh, it's got to be Michael J. Fox. I was kind of hoping for Paul Lynn. Oh, you were hoping for Paul. I think it was going to be Paulins for sure.

Yeah, well, I guess technically that'd be a rat, wouldn't it? Well, I mean, you know, yeah, but it depends. I mean, he's a rat kind of mouse. Well, the silver lining is that if he can't, if it being a rat makes a difference, then at least he's not going to be voiced by Pat and Oswald. Big fuck for that. No, I mean, that'd be ridiculous.

Oh, I just want to be voiced by Vincent Price. You begin to make your way up the kite. I need you to roll a dexterity. saving throw at disadvantage. Oh. The rat statistics, I presume. Yeah. It's only a plus.

You're going to be fine. Dex is a plus zero. Yeah, easy. I'm fine. Because I have the antler beast dice from the crooked moon.com. It could never fail you. Not until they do.

You are trying to scale up the you're trying to scale up the string. And I think for this one, I'll give it to you, because it's going to be the least precarious right here. Okay. Yeah. And so, very low DC on this. And you're able to get to the first bow.

Gosh, I met the first bow. It's still me. It's still me. Hey. It's him. Yeah, he's doing it. He's doing it. There it is. There it is. One mouse. I'm going to try to pull it off. Uh, easily you're able to, the, the boat, blasts up. the wind. All the while this is happening, this little goblin girl is looking up to you, Torbeck. Thank you so much for helping me. I'm Fenia, by the way. What? I'm Fenia, by the way.

Genia, okay. Torbeck's name is Torbeck. It's nice to meet you. My mom's name is Specklenose, and my dad's name's Zolt. Did you care? Sure, Torbeck cares now. Are they really dead? What? No. You said... Your cat friend said they were dead. Oh, I think Frost gets confused sometimes. If you said they're alive, I'm sure that's the case. He just assumes that every unintended child is an orphan. You think you're going to be able to help me? Yeah, why not?

We help lots of people. Well, we don't have a great track right now. Hey, it depends how long. We will be able to help. And I did make an assumption about your parents. I'm sure that they're fine if you saw them last fine. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with them and no harm is befallen them. Endeline promised she wasn't going to put them.

them with me as long as I didn't let this kite go until all the bows were gone. Well, that's gonna be very soon now. We have our best man on it. I grinned. Even our best mouse. I flash our crocodile smiles. You do that? Let's see.

Oh, shit. Sorry, I gotta keep notes of something. All right, I need you to roll another dexterity saving throw. This is it happens? This is when he takes the ribbon off? It just flies off. Yeah, it just flies off. Do you let go of it?

Yeah, I'm on and go over. Oh, wow, just going. Of the ribbon? It's a magical life curse ribbon. Let me go 13. Off into the other. Okay. That was enough.

As you make your way, you were able to scale up towards the next one. It was a lot harder to hold on this time. But you had learned some things from your first try, and you're able to unravel the second ribbon. I'm getting sweaty palms. Guys, I got the second one. You're doing great, buddy.

Keep going. Hey, I know he's climbing the thing and everything, but is there anything that says you can't just keep holding the string while we were to reel this in? I mean, I don't know to see this happen, but could we reel it in the event that he starts going? Very clever. Yeah, I think that it's a possibility for sure,

but I don't know. All I know is the trouble I can. I got myself in. Okay, well, back to Grico. Yeah, we don't want to, you know, take away Grega's moment. No, no, no, but no, not at all. I'm just wondering. So let's go there.

Let's make a risky. Come on, let's go there. I think he's doing fine. I think he's gonna make it the whole way. Yeah. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep like trying to hype myself as I go to the third ribbon. All right, roll another next-dextery scene.

So. You advantage of this disadvantage. Disadvantage. Every time? Hold on. Hold on. Let me see if I have anything to assist with this. I have a hero conspiration. I mean the hero conspiration.

Let's go there. Oh, nice. You are able to make it to the next bow, to the third bow. Do we start to see him like... We also have twists. We have to slide. You slide down the rope on and then continues to find the gap. The wind whips up.

Get all the whole of the whole lot. Bose, look, let and leave one. They shall grow up a little bit. It's on the end of the world, right? No, we can't robber of a childhood. Don't be a hero, Grico! No, he should experience the magic and wonder of a theme park. You've got

this, Grico, be a hero. This entire time, directly underneath him is my invisible mind camp, and I'm just like making sure that if he were to drop, I was just able to catch you. Is he like out over the edge now, like off the edge? Yeah. Is there a white note of a white mouse upon a red convertible steam?

Okay, do I roll again? Yeah, you roll again. You're making your way towards the fourth. Okay. I got a six. I mean, you can use twist. You just incur a curse. I'm going to use twist.

I'm going to use twoists. I'm going to use five of them. You don't have these curves. You have to pull a card, but you can use as many twists as you want to in this turn. But it is re-roll. It is re-roll. Okay.

I'm going to use my cosmic omen wheel. It's a circle, stars, druid. What in the hail? I'm going to be able to add a D6 to that. What? Because I'm level six. Jesus. That doesn't sound heroic at all.

Help me. Help me, help me, help me, help me, Temple. Can you pass that to him? Help me, Templeton. Help me. Help me, Stuart Little. That's the fourth one, yeah. Harvey Radican.

Is he up there? I know all the rats are looking down at me. It is not a toss and I turn and I think I would really like a cookie. So what did you get? I got a 17. Okay. That was enough. You make it to the fourth one and you're able to pull it.

You're able to pull the ribbon off. Now, the wind is whipping at you so fiercely. You are near the cloud top, and you can feel the electricity from the lightning that is accumulating in these clouds. And you also feel the magic of the fay. I got the justice in reverse. The justice in reverse, the justice card. I'm sure that'll be fun. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to have you pull another one because you're technically all ready. It's you're incredibly unlucky. and you have disadvantage on every role. Oh, yeah. Which you already kind of... Can we upside that? Let's... Let's see what I don't.

Put these back. Oh, yeah. Well, give me justice back. Do you have it? It's gone. The tower in reverse. Uh-oh. Oh, go, what do you know?

Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I see this is a way to... I think we got some... You got some... You got something. This one is not going to hinder you in this, but we're still going to keep it for a while.

You become incredibly gullable, and you believe everything you were told, I can do it I can do it You can do this Oh Self-affirming affirmations Are really working out this time

Okay I'm scaling To the fifth one Right The last one? Did it the last one? I think that's still him Maybe that's an entirely different mouse

I don't know I haven't seen a special He's not doing it anymore Wait it's not me anymore Oh Oh It's it Oh it's a

Hey, you're doing great, little green. You're doing great. Hey, you did the thing. I got fellas, lads, are you really saying, after all of this, after everything, it's still you? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's us.

Is that hell? When you grab the last bow, wrap it around the top of the string, and then you can slide down on it, Zipline style. Well, what if he grabs the last bow, the whole kind of, like, explodes or something? well, then he'll be gone.

That's the logical outcome of that. Hypothetical scenario. Thanks for his request. What if he burns into flames right now? Well, then he'll be on fire. Stay focus. He takes a whiskey drink. He takes a vodka drink.

He takes a vodka drink. He takes a cider drink. As I am going to try again. The mouse theme song, of these things are stu up in. I don't know what he's doing, man. I am going to use another one of my wheels. I can use it

five times on kind of having a wisdom score. 16. That is not enough. The DC goes up every time you climb higher. Can I twist? You can twist. You can twist. I'm going to twist! But you have to draw another card.

Yes. I'll use another one of my wheels. I don't give a fuck. 20 as a mouse, as a rat. 22. You are able to reach the final bow. As you scale, it is now, the kite is whipping this way in that. It is nearly impossible to be holding on.

It is your affirmations and your gullibility that are leading you towards the pinnacle of it. When is the kite saying anything disparaging to him? Not to him. The kite is still doing nothing but saying awful things. The whole time this is going on, just holding this guy with a girl. Like, none of us did you get knocked down.

I get knocked down. But I get up again. And I'm like full hyping myself up. And I'm like, keep me. I get knocked down. Okay, I got the wheel of fortune in reverse. Oh, yes. You do.

It's a handsome card. Pure order now with crooked moon.com. He has the whole terror. Does reverse me and you pulled it in this one? You believe you are immortal. You are not. I'm going to keep me down. I'm immortal.

Good enough trying to kill me down. kill me. I'm an immortal mouse. No fear. You're not immortal. You're not immortal. I'm not immortal. No, but you are immortal. You believe yourself. No, I'm immortal. You're normally very gullible. Why are you saying you're immortal? Yes. Believe very convincing. No, he's believing in. But I'm immortal. Yeah, he's believing in himself. Yeah, Grico, nothing to give you. Keep going. You're going to kill me. You're right. But Cremie, he's going to like, you know, Frosty's got to believe it. He's got to believe it. He needs to have no.

fear for this final push, man. As soon as he takes the bow off, he's going to be like, oh, great, I don't need to hold on to this. I know what he's going to do. Well, Frosty, maybe the cuddle explode, and then he's exploded, okay? Yeah, you'll be caught. You don't know it.

I'm a moot off. Moved by the ruins right now. Oh, man. That neck crack is going to get his chumuppance, then I'm going to get a cookie with a glass of milk as I yank the fifth ribbon off. You yank the fifth ribbon off.

And with it, I let go. Lights will die. You begin to plummet through the air. But you don't, if you were plummeting straight down, you would land into the safety of frost hands, but it is incredibly windy up here. As the wind whips you and you fly off to the left. I need you to roll a D4 for me, please.

Can I endeavor to catch him? And you can roll a, I would say, an acrobatics or an athletics, whichever one you want, to see how, capable you are of. I will use a twist. Okay, bullet card. How far out is he that he's

that he's like falling? He flies and as the wind whips up, I will say roll an insight check. If he's like, you know, even if he's like, I don't know, 30 feet out, I just want to know. He's 40 feet up.

No, no, no, like from the cliff, even though he's falling, how far away, like, could one of us stretch our, he's off the cliff? So you could stretch your arm out, but the problem is the wind is what, he's a mouse. So the wind is catching him and knocking him this way on that. Yeah, but it's just, I'm just wondering how reasonably far away, like off the edge of the cliff is. It's going to depend as he plummets how far off the cliff he gets if Frost doesn't catch him.

I will endeavor to catch him with a 17. You are easily able to catch him. And it's an upright page of coins. An upright page of coins. Greenberg from Calvoo Buf is playing. As I fall. He falls a few feet. He like gets picked up by the wind

and then all of a sudden he stops as I grabbed him with my mindhand. And you said upright? Yeah. I've got you, Grego. You grab a to dress out. And it reminds you of something that you haven't thought about

in the longest time. As you hold this mouse in your hand, in your left hand. Where you know that ring had been. You were betrothed once to a creature of the deep. You shouldn't be here. You need to prepare to leave. You need to leave the surface world behind and reclaim your long-lost love.

I must find the sea. I believe I can fly. I don't find the sea. I really screwed up. I can't touch this guy I think about it every night and day I'm a flying mouse guys

I just do with me I'm gonna pull Grico down to the Hey get fucked kite guy I'm a mouse I can fly I'm a mortal

you start You can stop Believe it in yourself Groko Oh I believe it What I should stop believing myself

But now I'm immortal But not I'm immortal Because your Your mortal doesn't mean That you should believe in yourself You know what I mean?

That makes sense. I don't do anything right. Well, you just saved that little girl from the kite. Yeah. You did that, right? You can probably let go with the kite now. But, you know, just in case something goes horribly wrong. Like, you know, Torbeck's not like an expert or anything.

You think I should? Well, it's, I mean, it's like the kite, this guy sucks. I know. It's so mean. Yeah. It's ten. and you shouldn't be stuck holding this thing. And, you know, now, you know, Grico helped and Frost helped.

And it's probably fine to let it go. Oh, God, you don't know. She lets it go. The kite whips up in the air and flies away. And she is looking at herself, has anything changed? I'll just, like, hold her up and, like, turn her around. She looks exactly the same. You look the same to tour me.

I'll set her down on the ground. Oh, my God. It did it. How do you feel? That's great. But you can't blast it out of the sky. Why are you screaming? You're right here next to us.

Blast what? I've got you. Here you go. I need to talk to you about something very... I'm doing a bit. 50 gold pieces? I can't do enough of a hand. I'll take that action.

I'll give you a thousand electric pieces. Torbett can offer a single button. If you can hit it? I'll just blast the... I'll just blast the... Okay. A roll of disadvantage because it is whipping out this way and that in the air. Well, that was a 19.

Another 19. But you can't do it. 17 plus. Not bad. That you can't stick it. That will hit. I rolled that on the Swamphex dice available at the Perman.com.

Wow. I rolled my natural 20 on my vampire rose dice. One of 11 sets of sharp edge resin dice, beautifully high quality, unique list. Yeah. How much damage does that? How much damage? Do you do? Oh, me.

Yeah, you know. At least a device. Couldn't be. I mean by Frost's mind. Who shot the case with an Eldridge blast? Not me. Who, me? 14.

Wow. That's a long time ago. That's pretty a lot. That is, that is pretty a lot. Hold on enough to see this. I don't really want to do it. I did not write down. I mean, I know it's here, but I need to look it down.

Where does it say? Well, I'm going to say that that's enough. I know somewhere on here it says it has hit points. Oh, well, I got like three more blasts. It's got to be a single, a single blow. Oh. It has a damage. It does, yeah.

I believe that it's supposed to be 10. So I'm going to say that that hits. And you watch as Kremi takes the bait and lets loose a blast. And you watch as the, this kite. Yeah, because you're antagonizing him, right? The baits that are, uh, as he lets loose this blast and you watch as this kite is shredded to pieces and it flaps away on the wind. Good job. You suck. Dorebeck says everybody's got to pay up. And Dorebeck will go and is pocking you a single old button.

All right. Well, stupid fucking fail probably not bad. Do I got a pay? No, no, just them. No, you're good. Thank you so much for helping me. I thought I was going to be stuck here forever. I need a thousand left in pieces. Yeah, hold on. Let's get my pocket book.

From what I know, anyone who gets cursed by Endelen is normally cursed forever. So you did me a really good service here with what you did today. Are you sure that you were cursed cursed by magic? It seems to me that she left you in a precarious spot with a kite and that the fear of letting go of the kite was its own curse. I mean, So, but if I let the curse, if I let the kite go before those bows were off, she would know because she's got eyes everywhere.

And then once they go back to her, then she would punish me anyway. But now that I've let go after the bows were gone, she can't punish me because she promised. So I may have done something really bad. But I paid for it now. So I got my life back and that's thanks to you guys. Do you know what she says? this stormy waits for her heart to stop and for her to just like drop dead. Do you think that she's aware that you're free now?

I don't know. I don't really want to go back to the other horn. Is that where you live or is that just where you think your parents are? That's where my mom and dad are. I was, I mean, we're all trapped there, forced to, forced to perform in plays for every single night. It's awful. Have you ever considered living under the sea?

No, but there's this nice cave around the way I could live on moss and lizards for the rest of my life. No. That's not a little. No, no, no, no. No, but- That's an charitable buffet! But I was- I was punished because I stole props from the prop room,

and I still got a few, so I'll at least have those. Actually, it's a thank you for helping me. Would you like one of the items from my prop bag? Oh, damn. If we take it. Do you never say no! I mean, a whole prop bag. I don't know if you know this about us, but-

It's just simple theater props. It's nothing special. We're a well-received acting truth. Believe it or not. Oh my gosh, Endelin would love you up at Motherville. We're not an opera. But we're a hoppera. A hopper.

You should make your way up there if you actors. I think you could do, you could do amazing things, but just be careful because one, one slipper that's tongue and she'll have you trap forever. Well, hey, how come if you knew she was like cursing people horrifically, how come you stole a bunch of props that don't

like mean anything? I don't have anything of my own that belongs to me. I was born up at Motherhorn. I'm always forced to do these silly parts like Goblin girl that walks behind the truck. Not truck. I don't know. I said that. I don't know what a trucking.

A truck? A truck? What the fuck is a truck? Oh, no. You do some weird. WISH! WISH! There's got plenty of trucks. Start throwing rocks.

Wait, so what you're saying is that the props in your bag are your only worldly possessions? Yeah, I stole about ten of them. Of course, we'll take half of them. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. That only makes sense. Let me go ahead and give you the props.

crops, I'll give each of you one, and then is it okay if I go live in that cave and live on moss and lizards for the rest of my life? Yeah, that's totally fine. That sounds like heaven. Free free free free free free free free while. Well, if you do make your way up to Motherhorn, will you let my parents know that I'm safe? Yeah, sure. And I'm just living in that cave over there, living on moss and lizards for the rest of my life. Stop, you're making torment jealous.

What do they look like? All their name were speckle and something else. Speckle, yeah, yeah. That's my mom. My father's name is Zolt. Yeah, you prepare. Whoa! My Gouldo!

Goulden! Goulden! Torback's on fire today! Yeah! That's so cool. You remember things I said. Yeah, you know, Torback tries.

I've never had a friend. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well. Is that the kind of things friends do, remember things about each other? Yeah, especially birthdays and, you know,

work anniversaries and things like that. What's a birthday? birthday. Birthday is the day that you came into this world and the people who love you most celebrate usually with cake that's not made of garbage. We don't celebrate that day because I was born at Motherhorn and every day of my life has been miserable and sad. Oh, well.

I'm sure those lizards in that cave will be good fun. Yeah. I just know it. Well, let me go ahead and give you something. Yeah, we'll take you off of your stuff. We'll take half of your stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Let's look here. Um, all right. I can't believe I can't believe I can touch the sky. I'm holding you with my mind, I feel like I'll think about it. You are? Yeah.

Dang it. Also, Grico, I need you to be my best man. Uh, yeah, sure. Well, yeah. I thought you never ask. About time. About time you've had to pop the question. I'm going to go get married to Shelley.

Uh, finally, you finally ask the, the, the, the secret. King in his watery halls for his daughter's hand in marriage about time, Frosty. Yes, now we're... Wait. I've been waiting. You made that poor, watery, salty girl with cockles in her hair wait for nine whole years. Cuckles? They're gonna blow...

They're gonna blow seashells. That's what you think. No, no what you think. Don't get doing that. I don't know that's how you did things, man. I can't believe that. Jeez. I've asked, all you made that, that, that poor, salty, fishy girl,

why you finally popped a question. Thank goodness. Thank you, Greg. I think that it's important. We go immediately. Oh. We have to find the sea. We have to go?

Yeah. Wait, so when you say the sea, yes. You mean any sea? That's right. The sea? Underneath, I'm compelled. Yeah, I'm going.

I'm going with frosty. And I'm sorry. I presume that, you know, you'll be able to die in the sea king's water he holds on account of being his son-in-law. But, I mean, I can survive because I'm immortal. I can't die. Oh, yes. So I'll be able to drive there without a feast in his water. As soon as we walk into any sea,

politically, because he's the king of all the seas, he'll be able to transport us to wherever his kingdom is. Oh, do you think there's like a nice bridesmaid who's got nanny moans in a hair? Almost certainly. Oh. I've always been a fan of handsome nannymoans. I don't know what nannymoans is, but it sounds provocative. Dorebeck's confused.

Dormac feels like he missed something. Frost is getting married? Okay, I found this cane for you. It looks just like the one you got with the little skull on top of everything. Oh, thank you, a second cane that's just like mine. Yeah. She goes back to rummaging around in her pack.

I compare them how like quality difference wise. The one she handed you is way better quality. Oh, man. It doesn't look anything like a prop. All right, oh, this is clearly just a regular old prop, eh? Yep, yep, absolutely right, thank you. Oh, I believe it. Yeah, it looks just like a prop.

Oh, do you have any mouse size props? Squeeze, squeeze, squeak. I'm a mouse now. I got a few things. Oh, may I have a cookie? I don't got any cookies. Your breast smells funny. Do you smoke? Me? Yeah.

I mean, only when I met the child's casino on break. All right. Well, then this is for you and she hands you a pipe. Oh. Hey, that is comically oversized for you in your mouth form It makes you look distinguished though Frosty I don't know if you should go through this marriage I've already committed to it

I'm not going to back out now Shelly is a fine girl The king of pussy will be furious Shelly's a fine girl With a fine wife she would be But let's face it Yes Your life, your love your lady is the sea

Yes and Shelley represents the sea in those lyrics. My lungs are very small. You probably shouldn't be smoking in this way. He's the mortal, remember? I'm the mortal. Yeah, yeah, I forgot that. Smoking isn't bad for me.

I'm getting married. You need to get on board with this plan, Greco. Okay, I'm going to move with the plan now, yeah. If he gets married, then you could always offer this up to your new bride. And she passes you a really beautiful orb. Oh my. Where did you find this orb? In the prop room and Motherhorn?

This doesn't feel like a prop. Little girl. Yeah. Thank you so much for this. May I exchange to you some potting wisdom in exchange? I mean, sure, but you don't need to give me anything for it because you already gave me back my life. I feel like I... And my best friend Torbeck.

In the spirit of reciprocity, I owe you. Is that you was so afraid of death, but you shouldn't have been afraid. Living death is a good thing. Living forever is not what is cracked up to be. And, you know,

held within the pleasure dome decreed by Kubla Khan. And to taste my bitter triumph as a mad and mortal mouse, never more shall I return nor escape these caves of ice. For I have dined on honeydew. and drunk the milk of paradise. Are you okay?

Don't you forget it? Did you hit your head? Well, is he all right? Yeah, I mean, we all understand what he's saying. He's speaking, plain common. Of paradise. You should see him do this one thing. It's so cool.

Oh, yeah. He has a plight. Slinging it over my shoulder. You look like you would, ah, what are you doing? No, that's classic grig. He's doing the thing. He's doing the thing. He's doing the thing.

He's doing the thing. Yeah. It's not the same when you do it. Yeah, no, definitely not. I thought maybe it was a goblin thing. No, put those down. Okay, I'm sorry. Well, yeah.

But before we go wrong, does anyone have a cookie? No, but I do have this pipe for you. You seem like you would be the kind of guy that would just love a pipe. Torrid? Yeah, but not, so I pole. It's a pole, not a pipe. It's not like a pipe. A pole?

A pole? Yeah. It's cristo standing out pipes. How big? You know, it's a moderately, it's an average size pole. I'll take this from it. Is it like a piece of hyping? Or is it like a, or is like a, like a,

like it's made of wood? Like a pole. Like a 10 foot pole. Like a quarterstone. Yes. Like pole vaulting. Is it similar to a cardboard tube? Like a-

Yeah, that's, yeah. I just like take it and I just like kind of Oh, wow. I don't see an intention of that. You're welcome, and it might not be much, but you're kind of sooty, you know, because of all the fire and stuff and then it's in your beer. It's been a long travel too. And I thought you'd like this, this little sack of powder. Oh, well, cool, thank you.

You're welcome. Well, thanks for fixing all of my problems. I'm gonna go to my lizard, mom. Cave now. Well, okay. Yeah, that sounds good. Before you go, I mean, you're just going to live in the cave, like for the rest of your life? Oh, yeah, I can't wait.

Yeah. Oh. Better than Motherhorn. Well, why don't you take this before you go? In reciprocity. Okay. And I'll take out one of the tents and I'll give it to her. Oh my gosh.

It's a... So, yeah, when you lay it out, you walk in, just imagine the most beautiful place you've ever seen. And it should take form. and exactly how you imagine it. Oh my gosh, this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done to me. Outside of freeing me from a life of torment, holding a kite up in the year.

Oh, wow. I bet it is an art of the thing this anyone's ever done for you. If you ever find yourself at a lizard moss cave and you're looking for your Fredfini, just call for me and I'll help you anytime. Thank you. Well, of course, you know, you're very welcome, little girl. And, you know.

Thank you. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. Goodbye, my new friend. She'll ship you in the bag, in the... Goodbye, my new friends! And she turns, and she walks away and heads off. Don't fear the Reaper! Skipping away towards what you imagine.

Oh, watch out with the toilets, though. Goodbye, Fina. I hope you learn the basic survival skills necessary to enjoy that cave. Yeah. Oh, the tent, she don't need done. She doesn't know how to cook. Well, but you know.

Do we know that the tent can produce nourishing food? I think of food, I think. She has an infinite supply of money. Moss and lizards. She'll be fine. Yeah, she's going to be completely fine. You're right. That makes sense.

With the little goblin girl gone, you realize that that sense of dread is now gone from this place. The happiness that she now feels is overtaking this place. And you all feel happy. And the curses that you are experiencing dissipate as an overwhelming sense of joy. Assaults all of you. You stare down and look at these things. You realize that they're not props.

They all have a use. Oh. Guys. And it's almost as if you intrinsically know what they are and how to use them. Frost, you hold in your hands an object that is altogether useful and useless at the same time, an orb of direction. While holding this orb, you can use an action to determine which way is north. This property functions only on the material plane. Oh.

That's, that's too useful. Got them. Yeah. You have a pole of collapsing. While holding this 10-foot pole, you can use an action to speak a command word and cause it to collapse into a one-foot-long rod for ease of storage. The pole's weight doesn't change. You can use an action to speak a different command word and cause the rod to revert to a pole. However, the rod will elongate only as far as the surrounding space allow.

It's pretty useful. Torrega is basically Sun Goku now. And you're on a grand journey, man. It's right there. Chalwa, for now, though, because Torbega is so tall, this 10-football lag is a walking stick, and it'll be pretty comfortable, so Torbett's going to do that for a while.

Grico, you have in your hands a pipe of smoke monster. While smoking this pipe, you can use an action to exhale a puff of smoke that takes the form of a single creature. Such as a dragon, a flamphor of Fragimuth. The form must be small enough to fit in a one foot cube and loses its shape after a few seconds, becoming an ordinary puff of smoke. God, I've got a monster in your life. I realize I'm going to die one day. day. The worst monster you can imagine emerges from my lungs. Gideon, you stare down at this

dust, the dust of corrosion. As an action, you can throw this dust into the air, filling a 10-foot cube that extends out from you. Surfaces and objects made of non-magical ferrous metal in the area instantly corrods and turns to dust, becoming useless and unsalvageable. Any creature in the area that is made wholly or partly out of Ferris metal must make a DC-13 Constitution saving throw, taking 48

necrotic damage on a failed save or half as much damage on a successful one. Found in a small packet, this dust is made from finely ground rust monster antenna. There is enough dust in each packet for one use. Oh, I thought they just had the wheel. Cremie. Uh-huh. But they got the dust too. You stare down at yours. How this found you, especially in the fay wild it's hard to know but this is this is something belonging to the baron cane of the dread baron this staff can be wielded as a magical quarter staff or rod that grants a plus one bonus to attack and damage rolls the staff has 10 charges and regains 1d6 plus 4 extended expended charges daily at dawn if you expend the last charge roll a d20 on a 1

the staff is destroyed and otherwise harmless burst of Eldridge Energy. The attack. When you hit with a melee attack using the staffer rod, you can expend up to three of its charges. For each charge you expend, the target takes an extra 1d8 necrotic damage. Escape. If you take damage while holding the staffer rod, you can use your reaction to expend three of the staff's charges, whereupon you turn invisible or into a shadow, and teleport

yourself along with any equipment you were wearing or carrying up to 60 feet to an unoccupied space that you can see. You remain invisible until the start of your next turn or until you attack, cast a spell, or a deal damage? Wow. This is real fucking magic item or is this? Yeah. It's called the Eldritch staff if you're looking for it in the, uh, guys. All of these should be in the witch like. Doormack is so pleased that all of these gifts were very equal. Yeah. Oh no. Okay. Where the fuck? Mr. Crammy, what's wrong? My shadow's still there?

Yeah, man. Grab behind you. D' you got it. But yours obviously has differences, so instead of doing lightning damage, it is necrotic damage, is the damage that it does. So if you pull up the staff, that's what you will see. I... I... Turn it over, and I look to see if there's any sign or signature or initial...

for Remy Guru. Roll a Oh, God. Roll a perception check. Oh, no. Eat. Nothing that you can find. No, hell.

Cremant, you're all right, man? I mean, you guys got a much random fucking grab. Hey! Hey! Fugly it is. Hey, I thought you gave me. Hey, I'm destroyed my bones in my lungs now.

Hey. Squeak, squeaks. your stuff, man. No, it's not kind of looks like it. This is... This is from the Baron. You know who else knows the Baron, right? I doubt it's that little fucking goblin girl. You know that? You think we got something guru? Yeah, the fucking Rammy Guru. There's nobody he knows where we are. How he could find us? No, he has his waist. He's a powerful man, you understand?

He's just a guy. Well, what are you saying? He's a god what has magic. You think he like sense? his staff to you somehow? Maybe as a fucking warning. I don't know. Maybe it's sheer coincidence. And maybe it's not really from the Baron. And it just, you know, it just happens to sort of look the same.

You know, it's like when, you know, both of those jungle book movies came out the same year. And it's really weirdly similar. They came out like the same, you know, within twice. Same thing with deep impact on the Armageddon. Yeah, that's right. Very strange. Yeah. Well, you know, that happens a couple times.

One of the worlds, I think, had three movies come out that year. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, I'm gonna try not to freak out about this. This actually could be a good sign. Because if it's true that Endelin has a ally in Remigrew, and we, now we know about it. And by pure coincidence, we happen to save a girl who happened to steal a thing.

Well, maybe Remigrews's an enemy, Endeline. She stole his staff. And then this girl took it from her. Even better. Yeah. I don't know. It just seems too fucking coincidental. In this province, it's all about shadows and shit?

I don't know. Crammy. Oh, boy. Would it help if I really showed you something much scarier than Mimi Guru? Take your mind off of it? Not particularly, I mean. You could try, I guess. And you'll see as I'll puff smoke as it'll take the form.

It'll be kind of rounded, a big kind of lower jaw. No arms, two wide feet display. little ears as, I mean, that's a handsome jig. Oh, the groan bread is back! What's happening right now? Is he freaking out? Why is it freaking out? Because I see the little goblin made a smoke?

At first, it is an actual grovelin, just one foot by one foot cube worth of groblin. But after about a minute, it turns into a smoke, grobblin. Oh, jib-d-d-d-d-chib-doo. What? I know. I got so scared like I turned back into a goblin. See, that was way scary than whatever Mr. Guru is. Oh, gosh, why did an idea of myself?

Oh, I was going to heart attack. You know, Bricko, I'll let you live in bliss. Oh, gosh. Just keep an eye on your shadows, fellas. Oh. Wait, I have an idea. you're so afraid of shadows what if we only travel

at night and on cloudy dates well it's not that easy you still sort of have a metaphorical shadow it's not like it's a literal thing where you need some sort of source of light hitting you at an angle it's more about kind of like your

shadow self I refuse to indulge in the inanity of Carl Jung let's move on we do You do. You leave this place behind, casting a quick glance towards the direction of the cave

where phoenia will live eating moss and lizards. As you make your way up towards Lockberry Henge, it does not take that long from here. It takes about another hour before you finally crest over the top of the plateau. And in front of you, you see what is clearly a very, large stonehenge. There are eight hinges here. Is that what you would call one of the little

that's what we're calling now? They're monoliths. Yes, there are eight monoliths, thank you. There are eight individual monoliths here. Each of them, a different type of stone. Shale, shale, yes, that sounds very very dry. Shale, chalk, flint, granite, basalt, obsidian, and marble. All of them Definitely basalt. Basalt, sorry. Did I want... No, no.

I'm making an icebound reference. Oh, okay. The other thing... The other thing that you notice is that there is a small stone table here with a game that looks very similar. It's a game that you have seen before. In human terms, it seems like chess. and I need you all to roll a perception check for me, please. Okay.

Oh, Torbex is nothing. Torbeck got an eight. 18. 22. 18. Grico? 10. Oh, perfect.

The three of you are, you turn and you look towards this game. It seems so strange that it would be up here at the top of this plateau and all it is is surrounded by these eight monoliths. But then you realize that there is, a small fire that looks to have recently been put out, stamped out, or stomped out. And as you notice that, you then realize that leading from the game, heading directly towards two of the monoliths, the shale and the chalk monolith, are ashen footprints. On top of that, it looks like the game itself was in the midst of being played. You got to say in this.

I'm fucking understand what's going on. This is all offlisher species. We're in the middle of the fucking mountains. and we're just running into all these folks just hanging out? I guess it is to Faye Wild. Yeah. What else do they have going on? Definitely looks like someone was just up here playing this game.

Keep your eyes peeled for a night or a creepy guy with a black hood. What? Why? Because that means death rains here. No, I don't think that death rains yet. Oh, yeah, you're here. We had some wars on there. Oh, whoa!

George, I forgot. We were with us. You really freaked Torrek out there for a second. What do you mean? I've been walking with you this whole time. He wouldn't have made it to the splatter without my eyes. Yeah, yeah. No, this is where the corids are supposed to be,

but from what I hear, they're lively folks. They love dancing and song and entertainment and large parties, but this is completely empty, not at all what I was expecting. Oh. Oh, but it looks like they're playing a game of, what is this, a game of crown? And he walks over to it and begins to look. Not very good at Crown.

I wonder who's winning. Oh, look, he picks up one of the pieces. They're carved to look like little corids. And you do see that all of these essentially chest pieces are carved to look like corids. They are these little stone creatures that have hooven legs. See, I'll find them. Here, you can see them right here.

They look like this. And what you see, sorry, sorry guys, what you see is that one set of these pieces that are shaped like a chord are made out of shale, and the other ones are made out of chalk. They seem to be playing against each other. Do you know how to play? I do know how to play. I'm not very good. Doing a once over on the board. Can you explain the rules to me? I would say you would definitely know how to play crown.

Oh, I already know. It's a very common game. I will evaluate the board to see if I can find the quickest mate. I would like you to roll a... What if Frost was a kinky fuck. Yeah, Frost's always out here looking for the quickest mate. Intelligence. That's going to be a 23.

Oh, easy. You glance at this. It takes you one. second you you see um you see uh on to pour looking down and he's oh i wonder if i move this one then that one no no no no you look down for a second you go oh yeah i could win this game in in one move uh slate would be chalk in a single move slate would be chalk in a single move no no assuming that they're the next uh if it's their turn you can see i can go from here to here do you i i move it the moment you move it

you hear rumbling behind you. The two of the stone bonalists, the one that is slate and the one that is chalk as you hear, immediately behind you. I'm not going to remember how to do this voice. Fuck. Basically, I will all do it next time because I can't remember it. Well, what does Ferrin sound like?

Top of the morning. I told you I was going to be able to get you in this game of crown as you watch two of these creatures step out of the stone, having used meld into stone. They step forward and you see that they're bickering, but happily as they look towards you and smile and they say, Oh, welcome to Lockburyhenge. It's nice to meet you. And that's where we'll win tonight. Say, yeah, yeah. Thank you. That helped. I'm like, why came I hear this in my voice?

In my head. Oh, I'm a favorite of the arts. See, I need to think of the word garden because that, that was my, that was my unlock for Maggie. It was a garden. Lanny Stone. Whale oil be. Whale oil be foaked. Thank you for joining us.

If you like the dice that we are rolling, the cards, the tarot deck that we were showing off, that is all pre-orderable at the crooked moon.com, along with a 630, 2 pages. I knew that. It's 32 pages of folk horror for fifth edition. The crookin moon.com.

You can get a ton of goodies. Thank you so much. for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shrout of Her Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash Legends of Aventrists. If you want to chat about the episode with the Adventress community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventris.com forward slash discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, so make sure you follow our socials

at Legends ofavantris.com forward slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror 5E supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again, and we'll see you next time.