Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 68 | Performance of a Lifetime

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Our heroes perform for their lives in front of Endelyn...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/qPo-4Oa6CTo

Welcome to Legend of Aventress. I am Grico Grimgrin, and you are listening to Once Upon a Witchline. Once upon a time, a carnival of friends found themselves lost in the Faywild. They arrived there through fate or fortune, overburdened by promises made and deals brokered. It is here in the Fay Wild that they find themselves, deep within the lands of Yon on the highest peaks of the highest mountain, as they prepare to perform for the hag known as bitter end. Their souls leaden with the weight of countless unbreakable packs To reunite a woman and a warhorse

To find a missing brother To return a snake son to a snake family The promise to sabotage the theater on opening night To free a goblin merchant from a curse destined to take his life To reunite a lonely unicorn with her only love And yet with so much left to accomplish They have already done so much In yon alone they have mended a year's long feud between two warrants

warring factions, freed a troop of Periton performers from eternal toil, and returned an elven prince to the home where he belongs. With so much still before them, on this night, their minds are consumed with stage fright. Having just encountered the last member of the hourglass coven, Carnival LeCrew has been tasked to perform for the dame of unhappy endings herself, and though their time is running out, for tonight they must push their responsibilities aside and perform as if their lives depended on it, and with Endelen an audience, a very well might. For in this moment, the only thing that matters

is the sound of the applause. You find yourselves here, backstage in the theater of Motherhorn. Recently having your audience with Endelen, before you realize that there is, still so much left to do. And time is running out. You are unlimited time based on the requirements

that the King of Hearts gave you. And there's still so much left to wrap up, so much here, specifically in Motherhorn, but you've only seen a small fraction of it in this moment. But you don't have time to think on that. You can hear the sounds of the hush fall over the crowd. As everyone prepares for the performance to happen, You are all as unprepared as you could possibly be,

having recently been handed the scripts by Stage Fright, the Goblin. Oh my God. The Duke. Thank you. Narcolyptic Bob Bear. Oh yeah, let's go. Harold Grickler.

I am really sorry, I kind of ruined your script, Crummy, because I was like, oh, it will be, It'll be so much more helpful if I cross out all the stuff you're not supposed to worry about and it just makes it a visual mess. Does that mean that I have a lot of stuff to do? No, actually. You're kind of, you have the least.

I know, your white girl over again. Yeah, I always write. It's me. But don't, don't read forward. Don't get it. Don't read forward. What do you do? Nobody touch it.

You were performing, you were performing this completely lies. I've read the law. Okay? Can I? You can kill you. Yeah, scans it like, br-r-r- You're just like Connor. You are wholly unprepared for this.

You have been practically stitched into your costumes as the stage hands move this way and that, readying the stage before you. Mere 30 minutes before the play is set to happen. happen, stage fright hands you, your scripts, and you are quickly forced to memorize your lines. And it is now in this moment that the hush falls over the crowd, and the play begins.

Oh, God. Melancholic strings, a beautifully handwritten card that reads a mother horn production as it dangles from the ceiling in front of the curtains. Oh, thank you, well done. A second handwritten card falls and dangles in front of the first. It reads, the Ruby Island players present. A third handwritten card falls down in front of the second

that reads, Downfall, the equivalent to 1899. The stage shifts and the backdrop becomes a sepia-toned vista of turn of the century downfall. The croaking tower vaults skyward. In the distance, the solitary hill is crowned with a half-constructed cathedral. The backdrop shifts again. The hill and the cathedral turn into a ramshack

a little village at the base of the hill that now comes into view. The words Montmorego fall into place in front of the three handwritten cards. The stage shifts again to the village rooftops, an un-pre-possessing Garrett, and then slowly moves in to the Garrett window. Githolomewes,

Garrett window. It's dusk. The lights change, soft, yellow as the curtains move forward and you see Githolomew. The silhouette of a disheveled, bearded man slumped over ink and quill. In front of him, books, papers, sketches, old portraits. Throughout the room, strange and exotic furniture, a junkyard of experiences. In the corner, a heavy iron contraption is covered in grimy bedclothes, an incongruous splash of life as a brightly colored bird hops inside its gilded cage. The bearded man,

his head in his hands, weary eyes stare at the blank parchment staring back at him. The words, Lecroulon Rouge, are written across the soft white parchment. Githolomew, he hesitates. His attention is suddenly caught by the bird as it flaps its wings against the cage,

expelling a deep breath. Githolomew begins to write. Somehow, you're able to see a close-up of the words written on the page. This story is about love. The man I loved is... He is... Githolomew breaks off a moment of anguish. Barely able to form the words he forces himself to write.

The man I loved is dead. Gidtholomew begins to weep dramatically before thrashing about an anguish. knocking a large paperweight to the floor with a loud crash. But wait, it wasn't a paperweight that caused the loud crash. No, it was the sound of the narcoleptic bug bear crashing through the ceiling above and landing on the floor at Githolomew's feet. Holy shit. Hey, Mr. Githolomew, are you okay?

You sound really sad. Someone die or something? Githolomew lets out a gasp's and clutches his pearls, aghast at the audacity of the narcoleptic bug bear. A single tear streams down his face as he slowly turns to gaze longingly out the window. He is clearly lost in the memories of love. The narcoleptic bug bear, unaware of the toll his careless words have taken on Githolomew, continues to prattle on. All the while, Giphthalamue continues to gaze longingly off into the distance. Maybe someone could die.

You see, Mr. Kitholomew, the narcoleptic bug bear is trying to write a play for the Moulon Rouge. Rogue. Oh, rogue. It's hard for me to read this. But the narcoleptic bug bear thinks the narcoleptic bug bear has playwright's blog. Have you ever had playwright's blog before,

Mr. Kithelamu? No. Yeah, the narcoleptic bug bear didn't think so. If only the Narcolethic Bug Bear knew a handsome man who had incredible talent for songwriting and suffered from a terribly depressing backstory that could fuel his art and lead to the creation of one of the best musicals of all time.

Do you know anyone like that, Mr. Githolomew? No? Yeah, the Nargolethic Bug Bear didn't think. The Narclectic Bug Bear falls asleep at the end of his sentence, crashing into the table. table where Githolomew had been moments ago. Writing the tale of his tragic backstory, the sounds of the tabular destruction pulls Gidtholomew out of his depressing musings and he rushes to the narcoleptic bug bear in an attempt to aid him.

I may not look like I was listening to you while I was adrift in a morn for everie, but I heard you, narcoleptic bug bear, I heard you. Githolomew saunteres across the room and thought. visions of success pushing aside his grief. He takes a glass of water and douses the narcoleptic bug bear with the liquid, waking him abruptly. The narcoleptic bug bear sputters and coughs as he is about to speak. Gidtholomew moves towards the circular window overlooking the Moulon rogue in the city of Montmorego and begins to speak. I do in fact know a handsome man with an incredible talent for songwriting that is fueled by the ever-growing piet.

a darkness inside of him that was left behind by the death of a man he loved. In other words, so that you can understand, he suffered from a terribly depressing backstory. I am that man, Narcoleptic Bug Bear, and I will help you with this play for the Moulon Rogue, if only for Kramine. Githolomew throws a sheet of parchment, a bottle of ink, and a feather quill at the Narclectic Bug Bear, just as he is a woman. dozing off again, rousing him from sleep. The narcoleptic bugbear waste no time in tapping the inked-up quill to his tongue

before jotting down every word that Goodtholomew says. The lecrulon rogue, Rouge, that's not, that's rouge. La Crewe-on-Rouge was every, sorry, it's hard for me to read this. Was everything he ever loved? A dene of debauchery, a lounge of lies, a saloon. of sin in fact. Frankly, it was a swindler's paradise. It's really

a shame what they had done to the place, turning it into the moon on rogue, where once had been a palace of pleasure, now stands a theater on the slightest spicier than milk. It makes me sick. In fact, I know that Kramine would encourage

me to take their money in honor of both him and his memory. I'll need to take that money, of course, in the form of half up front and half due at the time of completion. We should make sure they throw in a rider's feed due at time of signing. Oh, and heck, Kramine would an alligator roll in his grave if I didn't take him for at least 75% of royalties. And you know what, for a good measure,

I think we should add in a rush fee on the county, rushing through my grief to get this done. The narcolectic bug bear nods along while also nodding off in agreement. The two spend the rest of the evening scheming and dreaming, By morning, with a script in hand, the narcoleptic bug bear arrives at the front doors of the Moulon Rogue. The narcoleptic bug bear knocks in the door and begins to wait patiently. Ten minutes pass before he knocks again.

Another ten minutes pass. Eventually, the narcoleptic bug bear falls asleep against the door. Five hours pass for the narcoleptic bug bear as he is caught in a dreamless sleep before the door finally opens and Harold Grickler steps out of the doors and into the lights of the Moulon Road. comments. Anyone who is anyone in Mon Morga will flock to the Moulon Road tonight for the new installment

of British period drama was written by a new playwright, one that has never seen or read the source material, so you know it's extra legally distinct, and it is destined to be a hit. But at one cause, oh, my lord.

Stepping over the narcoleptic bug bear's body, Harold Grickler stands before the Moulon Rogue and looks regretfully at the venue before him. Excuse the narcoleptic bug bear, Mr. Grigler, but the narcoleptic bug bear brought you the script you requested. You don't have to touch the narcoleptic bug bear to take it, but you can't if you want it. Give me that.

The narcoleptic bug bear holds out the script, catching Harold Grickler's attention. Harold grabs the script and motions to toss it into the wind before something catches his eye. He looks closely at the script and begins to read. His eyes well with tears as his mind reels back to a time when the middle class still existed. What cost?

What cost? The year was the approximation of 1898, and a montage of scenes happens so that I don't have to write 50 pages for this play. Thank you, then. No way, where we're doing? Oh, my God. No, right, right, right, right.

Oh, my God. The narcolefugee bug bear meets Gidtholomew for the first time in a scene that looks eerily similar to the way this play began. They work together to write a play that will stun the crowds of the Le Croulin Rouge. Their goal is to enter the Crulon Rouge this very night and perform their play for the Amethyst of the Night, Kramine, and secure their rightful place as the playwrights for the theater. Arriving to the Lucroulon Rouge, they are immediately thrust into the violently vibrating crowd

of people pleased to be peering upon such practice performers. Githolomew is earnest and young. He has no idea that in mere moments he will meet the love of his life, the gilded, the glamorous, the glitzy cremean, the amethyst of the night and the star of the Lucroulon Rouge.

Damn straight. A hush falls over the crowd as Harold Grickler takes sense. center stage. The spotlights find their mark and he's illuminated as the crowd begins to whisper in excitement. He's small and green. From afar, he may even appear as many, or to many as a small green child. But to those in the audience, he is known as the master of ceremonies, the rake of the rouge, or even Daddy Grickler if you're nasty. He may be small, some may even call him short by goblin standards. Did I mention he's a goblin? Yes, he is a goblin and a small one at that,

much, much shorter than average. Go one, big, easy. But what he lacks in height, he makes up foreign power and prestige, and as he raises his diminutive arms, the music begins to swell. As if summoned by Grickler himself, Kramine begins to descend from the ceiling.

His suit and top hat completely bedazzled and shining and shimmering amethysts. I'm in this play. From among the crowd, Gid Tholomew watches in awe, as Kramine dangles above the audience. Harold Grickler steps behind the curtains as Kramine takes center stage

and performs a seductive rendition of amethysts or a Gator's best friend. As the crowd, but especially Gidtholomew, watches on in complete awe, a scream burst out as Kramin begins to puke blood everywhere. I'm talking. Oh, my God, totally, hell, I am talking buckets of blood.

Oh! His maw opens up and he practically fire hoses the entire theater, with blood you vomit. Oh! Everyone in the audience screams and runs, fleeing from the sanguineous deluge. Somehow I just know that's the love of my life. Everyone, except for four people.

Harold Grickler looks on in horror, but continues to hide behind the curtain lest he gets stains on his vest. If he does not address the issue, then no one will know that Kramine is deathly ill. Right? Right. The narcoleptic bug bear also remains in place, having fallen asleep due to the gentle lulling of the beautiful song being sung mere moments covered in blood and jolted violently awake by a pelting of platelets, the narcoleptic bug bear scans the crowd for Gibtholomew. No, what the, get the Holomew.

Hey, hey, get the Holomew. The narcoleptic bug bear is scared and covered in blood. Do you think Kramine is okay? The narcoleptic bug bear thinks he might be sick. Harold Grickler rushes from behind the curtains and dodges the blood like Neo from the Matrix. I've never seen The Matrix, so I'm not sure if that's how you spell Neo or not, but for the sake of my sanity, can we move past it, please?

Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, Harold rushes through the viscous deluge and slides into place in front of the narcoleptic bug fan. Look at me, you ugly, smelly fuck. Sick? Kramine's sick? How dare you say such a fucking thing? Open your eyes, you fool. She's clearly suffering from food poisoning and nothing more, which is very different from sick.

Trust me, I know. Obviously, she ain't some questionable hotels, do she, that her twin sister wishes to have one, I should also employ, by the way, but she doesn't exist. Would caution her not to consume. You dare to suggest you smelly, pathetic, piece of shit who's not as tall as you think you are, and are very undesirable, you think, I, you suggest I would

employ a critically ill performer. You believe me to be the type to sap their energy, steal the few short months that they have left to live so that I may puppet them about this place for my own monetary game at the pleasure of a duke? You dare to suggest that I skim off the top of their wages, bet it all on snail races, and lose it and fall into a drunken stupor

off of gin and whiskey showers? I don't take it easy, to those cram. Oh, what you fuck are for Rootus. Oh, hey, hello, Duke. Oh, I do love your crimson suit. How damp are you look this evening? Hmm.

Oh, fuck. So damp, as you can see, poor cremine is a small case of food poisoning. Oh, we still coming out. Fortunately, for everyone involved, the only thing to kill him, A sexual intercourse. I have no other way to see it's right here in the script.

It's not true. The fruit poise you need to get fucked out of a food. Whatever am I gonna do to help? Duke stops in front of Grickler and uses a lace hanky to wipe his face clean of a layer of blood. This man is clearly a weasley guy. I mean, creepy as creep can be. And honestly, I bet the Tabaxi playing the Duke is creepy too.

What's the Narroweer's Aangor's A Probably seduces toilets in a spare time and has an unusual obsession with cereal. They seduce me. If an Earth human were to play the Tabaxi that is playing the Duke in this play, I bet that Earth human would be Jason fucking Schwartzman. Anyway, I digress.

Tucking the hanky into his coat pocket, it's easy to see that the suit had been, up until recently, a pale blue. He ignores most of what Grickland says and looks to be about to give him the old one, two if you know what I mean, when he hears the part about sexual intercourse. Being a duke, he is clearly a sex pest,

so this fizzles his anger out right away. I don't think about this. He only came here in hopes of some sexy time with Kermine, so what's a little blood between lovers, right? And Grickler swears it's just food poisoning, so nothing a good roll in the hay won't fix. Hmm. Hmm.

Kramine. You are looking so moist and beautiful today. I feel the urge to lick my lips while speaking to you. Oh, fuck. No, that's sexual way, of course. But because my lips are dry, and the more I lick them, the more dry they get. I can promise you, however, that that will not be the case, the more that I lick you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

No, you're you're on the stage you've been deposited on the stage and you're just violently bobbing everywhere Oh my god I did I get this part It's fucking fucking ruffer from around this It's your turn, Prickler Arrow, arrow, oh, oh, jim, oh, jim, oh, jim, oh! Oh, I, you are so funny and rich and could perhaps save my establishment, and you are not creepy at all. Yes, that's correct.

Uh, cremean. Cremine, stand up. Make yourself presentable. You're fucking disgusting. Kermine. Daddy, I don't think I'm going to be okay. Oh, my, I, I sure. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he surely is not. tuberculosis, what's quite common at this equivalent of a time period. I don't, hold on, I need to shot here. I almost died because I look up and I see, I think we should kill Derek. I did. But don't mind, don't mind,

Camine, dear Duke, dear wealthy Duke. Yes. Oh, Duke. Thank you. Oh. Kameen wearing not vomiting so violently, he would laugh along. inside you're coquettish.

You're coquedish, coquitish, coquitish, coquit-o-eans flirting. Oh no. Did you hear that? The roof is clearly struggling until the weight of the roof, under the roof probably. Oh, this is terrible. How can Kramine possibly have, have disgusting and vile sexual intercourse that would violate all of the laws of God and man with you if the cruel Ruse is falling apart.

Oh, if only we were to receive a huge sum of money from a generous? Who wrote generic? Bean factor? Benefactor. The generous benefactor. The generous benefactor. Which, who could it be? Which could be used to repair this place and make it safe enough for, for what for the court?

For Ophan. You get it. Uh, for, you're almost there. For really nasty. Like the n' words. When you feel nothing but shame and you think, gosh, I should call my ma' afterwards. afterwards. What a shame if we did not get such huge sum of the money. I know what you're thinking. I get it. Why would the writer make this choice? It's vulgar. It's disgusting. It's offensive.

Why isn't Cremie playing Harold Grickler? They're the same person. And yeah, you're not wrong. But Harold Cremler didn't have the same ring to it. And quite frankly, I just wanted to write the Cremie X Gideon fanfic of my dreams. Again, I don't have to be. Again, I don't have all day to write this, so can we please move past this? It's like Neo all over again. Fuck! It is at this moment that Gidtholomew jumps onto the stage and begins kissing Kramine.

There is no way to make this not gross. I mean... Iron and cigarette. They say that Amethystus a guy's best friend. I've never seen you this bloody forever before. There is no way to make this not gross. I mean, he's buging blood. But for the sake of the narrative, let's say that it's a snow white situation

and the kiss cures the sickness. Well, not cures it, I mean, Kramine must die, but for now the kiss shocks Kermine into remission. As Githolomew kisses Kermine, he leans him back into a low dip, the kind that you read about in romances written in the 80s and 90s. Kermine holds his top hat in place while they smooch. They're smooching. Oh, that's fine, I'll deal with it.

Just keep going to. Grickler is pissed. He's going from green to red with anger. What is this super handsome, incredibly buff, but clearly dirt poor man during kissing Kramine? And in front of the Duke, right when he was clearly reaching into his pocketbook for a blank check.

His anger is swelling as it tries to think of a way to save this situation. He looks to the Duke, and honestly, the Duke kind of looks into it. I mean, this guy is clearly freaky. He's rummaging around vigorously in his pocket for his pocketbook while licking his lips lustfully. Allow me to blow a comfortable chair.

At least, I hope he is rummaging around in his pocket for his pocketbook. It's so incredibly uncomfortable that the narcoleptic bug there has a nervous erection. Don't worry over here, guys. Keep looking at the duke and look at what's going on there. ignore the narcoleptic bug bear, please. Erection aside, the uncomfortability does not stop him from having an epiphany. This is how they conceal the deal on their play.

The narcoleptic bug bear begins to clap. Yay! Oh boy! The narcoleptic bug bear would love to stand up, but instead, yay, good show, Get Tholomew and Grameen. Look how shocked they are! Your performance was so good that even the narcoleptic bug bear falls asleep. The narcoleptic bug bear falls asleep. mid-sentence. Everyone stands and stunned silence, but Githolomew realizes what needs to be done and

jumps in hotish. Yeah, yeah, whatever the Narcalyptic Bug Bear said, Kermin and I didn't just meet this very moment and fall head over heels in love with each other at the first sight or nothing. We've been practicing a play for the La Crew-Long-Rouge that is going to put this place on the maps. See, the Narclectic Bug Bear has the script in his sweaty, hairy hands that were previously otherwise occupied. Take it and read it for yourselves. Kermine is said to be the star, and I'm the hot romantic poet that sweeps him off his feet and steals him away from the perverted lick-lipping duke that seems very comfortable

on that chair he's found himself in. He's not a cherry. Maybe he doesn't have to leave. This kiss is how we end the show and nothing more. The Duke jumps in. I would like to jump in. Excuse me, but this. Seems ridiculous.

If this place is falling apart, how do you expect to put it to play? No, no, no, no. Now, let me pay for the repairs. And then I, I will sexy time cremean to health as the gods in Dendent. Oh, God's Inund. I don't have time for a play, only time to play, if you know what I mean? He laughs and wimps. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

He laughs and winks in a way that only a pervert can laugh and wink as he licks his lips up at Kramine and reaches out his hands to him. Ha ha, I'm spamped. I'm that stageblood. Oh, but dude, as much as I desire to. to coit us no interrupt us with you. I simply cannot, for I'm an artiste. I'm but amuse.

I'm a doll of drama. The amethyst of the night, as you surely know, I would never want to leave you dissatisfied, which is why I must tell you that for you to have me, to have all of me. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. I must come.

Oh, come to you after the performance of my life, which of course must be performed in a perfectly renovated theater. And only then will you truly be able to experience Kraman. And then that way, only one of you will be horribly disappointed. The Duke does not look convinced. But as Kramine turns around, he notices a small peekage of crack cleavage from just above Krami, pants and she is entranced. Oh.

That's under the table. I hate it so much. I'm so uncomfortable. Oh, Kramine, you little minks. You do know how to tempt a man. I do, I do. I will do it. All the money the Le Crue L'Crolon Rouge could ask for in exchange for Kramine.

Be mine, and all I have is yours. I do good, Daddy. Baby, oh, you did good little slippery bird or something. We'll work on that. Imagine Jason Schwartzman doing and saying that shit. Fucking gross man. Fuck you, Jason Schwartzman. Anyway.

I'm on page seven of this script, so let's cool ladies montage this. Harold Grickler is over the middle. Whoa, softly floating down. Oh, I need to see it. They did it. They have the money to save the Lurice. Crulon Rouge, and he is even getting a better than average play out of it.

Kramine, clearly in love with Gidtholomew, only pukes blood every few days now, so that's probably not something to worry about in the long term. The narcoleptic bugbear keeps getting confused between narcolepsy and kleptomania and can't seem to decide between sleeping and stealing. All the while, the Duke is blissfully unaware that Kramene only has eyes for Gidtholomew. They spend weeks preparing the play, and all of them are proud of what they've accomplished. Githolomew and Kramine have successfully hidden their love affair from only the Duke. Literally everyone else can easily see what's happening,

and it's kind of sad even when you consider how icky the Duke is. Regardless, opening night has arrived. The crowd is packed and everyone is filled to the brim with excitement. The cast is filled to the brim with nerves, and the lanterns are filled to the brim with sperm ascetti. It's whale oil, you filthy animals. Get your heads out of the gutter. I bring up the lanterns because they begin to dim.

signaling to the audience to take their seats. The show is about to begin. But not without a little bit of drama first. The Duke, who should be sitting creepily in Box 3, has decided to make a last minute detour backstage to ask Cremine to marry him. With roses in hand, he licks his lips dryly and rounds the corner to the back of the stage

to dun dun dun dun, find Cramine and Gidtholomew kissing and heavy petting. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. I'm talking. I'm talking. Oh, you're amazed for not grabbing my head. I'm talking hands under the waistcoat kind of petting.

They break apart and mumble that they were just practicing for the show, but the Duke knows. The Duke is no longer tricked by their lies. He can smell the alchemy in the air. The burning spermaceti thickens the air with the smell of Pennsylvania, and he is incensed. You harlot, you tart, you trollope, you played with the last part of my body you will ever get your hands on. Who, me? My heart.

You have played with my heart for the last time. And you, you, you, rugged, handsome, beautifully poetic slice of a man cake. Kermine belongs to me, and you shall not have her if it's the last thing I do. Griggler, get in here immediately, and I, or I shut this place down. Oh, yes, my do ki-ki-wuki. What is Vex you so? Oh, tell Ickel-Gwickle what has made Daddy Doogie so upset wedding. Dookie, Wookie, my widow.

What's my, my widow, dude is? Yes. What is? He normally laughed. Oh, baby. Griggler, Daddy Duki is angui. Kitten has made Daddy Duki very angry. Kramine thinks he can take my money.

my theater and put me in the chewy chair? I will not have this, Crickler. What do you intend to do about this situation? Dookie is getting wee-wee-wee-ang-wee-angue. And you know what happens when Dookie gets angry.

All right, all right, all right. Don't worry. Look, the narco-lunce Bugbear will sit in the chewy everybody's called that like this. It's not enough. Smoy. Have you been back here the whole time? I want to get solemn you removed

from the play. I will be the love interest in the play, and when it is over, Kramine will be mine. Muh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Fellas, fellas, please, there's enough of me to go around. Oh, no, I mean, no, no, but I love him. Daddy, please. Oh, little, oh, boo-boo-tip. You know Daddy Grigler hates to see this frown on your face. I'm sorry, Grameen, but, oh, you know this is the way it has to be. No. For the La Coulin Rouge, we must all play our part.

You belong to the Duke, not this penniless sex icon. No matter how fat his hog may be. Or how well he cranks it. You must choose money over love. It is the way it must be done. I have so much gambling debt, and I owe the IRS so much in bad taxes. I need this, please for me, please for me!

Actually, that makes a lot of sense, Harold. Sorry, good, but money calls. He must understand. What? Of course I don't understand. I did all this for you. I love you, Kermaine. I love you and only you. And I'll throw all this away just to spend one more night with you.

I would sing an all key version of all song in front of a live studio audience just to prove to you that I love you. Ew, that would be so crammed. Please don't. But if you somehow could come into a lot of money so I could have both money and a trophy husband, that would work for me. Enough of this. I have won. Muhaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Grameen is mine, and now we must perform this play

so that I can cure her hotel sushi food poisoning with my dooky-dicky-dickey. To the stage, everyone. No, no, no, no. Uh-oh. It's a kid, come on, did you? I'm going to get demodized. And so they went to the stage.

Though he did not admit it, Kramine was suffering from a broken heart. Do you need a second after Duky-Dickey? I'm sorry. We'll see you. And so they went to the stage. Though he did not admit it, Kermaine was suffering from a broken heart, and he used it to fuel his performance. Money was more important than Gidtholomew, and it always would be.

But that didn't lessen the sting of his loss. The Duke would never be to Kroen. Kramine what Gid was. The Duke smelled of Mountain Dew and frosted flakes. His lips were always dry and his hands strangely moist. But Kramine knew he must perform like tonight were his last, because it was his last. As the final scene began,

Gid rushed the stage and confessed his love. For the sake of brevity, I won't make you guys roleplay this, but he thwarted the Duke in the last moments of the play and performed an off-key rendition of our song live in front of a studio audience. No, it's crazy. Kramine and Gid kissed super passionately. Kramine and Gid kissed super passionately

and for a little too long that the audience started to feel uncomfortable and the narcoleptic bug bear got another nervous erection while sitting in the chewy chair. That's crazy, no one would have to do that. Don't look over here. Stop looking at me.

No one noticed the erection though because Kramine literally dies right now. The kiss is coming to an end and blood starts pouring out of his mouth. Not in the fire hose way from before, but in a dainty, I'm too beautiful to ugly cry, let alone ugly die kind of way. Barthel, Githolomew clutches him to his chest

and holds him tightly, begging the universe not to take him away from him, mere moments after they have finally agreed to spend the rest of their lives together, whether rich or poor. We were so close. I'm free. Come back to me.

It is in this moment, upon saying these words, words that Kramine speaks. It is but a whisper in a room of chaos, and the words are meant for Gidtholomew's ears alone. He says, What does you sweet nothing? In my time breath, I need to tell you something.

Say it, Kramine, I'll treasure these words for the rest of my life. I never agreed to any of that. Money's before honeies. And then he dies. Time speeds up during a montage of Gidthalphi. crying over Kramine and the love they lost before we find ourselves outside

the Moulon Rogue once again. Harold Grickler reads the final line of the play that Gridtholomew and the narcoleptic bug bear had written for the theater. The story of Kramine, the story of love. The story of a time when the middle class still existed. A lone tear falls upon the page and smears the final word,

Finn, F-I-N. As Harold Grickler tosses the script into the wind and looks down at the narcoleptic bug bear asleep on the ground at his feet. The play is fucking trash, you dumbass. You didn't get anyone gives a shit about real humor and emotion

anymore? What? Come back when you have some couch slop to show me. I couldn't even understand what the fuck was going on. I was... Something can perform at... Something we can perform at

300% speed while patrons multitacks. It's called distracted watching. The invasers are never going to green right this shit, you fucking idiot? Who's not at tall as you think you are? And the rich.

story. Oh, now bring me a sequel to a beloved franchise or a lazy remake and now we're talking, baby! But I just got the rights to a beloved children's board game. Lupin Louis. The end. Cast is able to make their way towards the front of the stage to a rip-roaring applause. Everyone is standing on their feet and at the very back of the auditorium you can see leaning forward over the banister of her lone balcony. Bitter end looks down at you. A slight smile on her face. The closest to a smile that you have seen from this woman

since you met her. Genuine joy at the tragedy of the Lucro-Laure-Rue. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Evantron and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie nights, and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over saltmarsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition.

And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. The applause dies down. You have been showered in flowers. You see that some people have popped bubbly and they're celebrating over this play. This has struck a chord with so many of the people here. A lot of the darklings who had sat

towards the front of the stage, you notice them throughout the play, perpetually looking back at bitter ends, mannerisms and at her enjoyment to see whether they were allowed to enjoy this. And after about midway through, she was so pleased with this performance that they stopped looking for her permission to enjoy the play. And by now they are all cutting loose a little bit and showering you in accolades. You see towards the back a bunch of mask goblins running around and resetting the stage and

slowly ushering people out. And you realize that this moment of adoration is only going to last so long as eventually a couple of the goblins start ushering you behind the curtains as it closes in front of you and muffles the sounds of the people in the amphitheater. You are able to take a couple of moments to catch your breath. Having just performed this hour-long play for a room full of strangers you are overwhelmed some of the goblins make their way towards you and hand over cups of water and one of them eventually stops and great job that was

wow you must be famous back where you're from thanks oh yeah thank you was that all food safe like like food coloring what blood I puked up. Oh, no, that was yours. Stagehand casts spells to make everything feel more realistic. Oh, God. That was a lot of blood crummy. Are my gums, gray?

Are you okay? Oh, my God. I don't feel real good. Are you okay, Craig? Wait a minute. How did you give Torbeck a bonner? Oh, we didn't do that. That was all you.

Oh, man. Wait, gosh, which one of us wrote that? Oh, yeah. Who, like, diabetically and canonical, it was actually pen... Oh, that was no, that was not me! That was really sick. Stagehand wrote that. Yeah. Back and forth, you provided a few notes, and mostly it was just the steves, yes.

I mean... With the help of Brody Snake-ass snake, of course. Oh, Brody, Snake-as, broke this. Brody. Who's that? Oh, that God. Hey. You know Brody?

Yeah. Snake and snake? We know you showed up. We know his parents. Well, after you showed up before you came back. We haven't met Brody, but we know his parents. We sent out invitations to the snake family in the hopes that Brody's parents would make their way out for opening night.

It's going to be Brody's first play all by himself. Wow. He's been working really hard on that screenplay. After all these handful of days. I have some comments that spelling is the use of the phrase dukey diggy. Please don't say that again Yeah, let's just pretend that never happened If none of us wrote that

Um Guys I know I know that we're supposed to like Meet up with this snake guy And like help him out But I think he's like a lost cause He sounds like a real fucking perfect Wait who?

What is this snake guy? Brody's a snake as a snake was supposed to help him As one of our side quests Why does he sound like a pervert man? He was like right on that shit What? No, I'm the skis rover man He had nothing to do that

He helped to pair this one down stage hand really their stage fright really got out of hand on this one. Oh, stage fright hands that freaky goblin, right? No, I feel like the snake guy's involved. He's complicit. He's complicit in all this.

Oh, he's for sure complacent. That's what I'm saying? Look, I remember being in my early 20s. I feel like that's something that I could ride with when I was that young. I mean, put yourself back there, Ricko. I know it's been a long time, but if you can, try to remember. I don't know what, I mean,

I got about. I was a bit of a loused about, you know? It was a little bit of trouble making up, but I don't write that kind of shit. Well, if you do want to meet Brody, you'll have an opportunity and sometime within the next half hour or so. We're not taking you downstairs. What you did tonight was just spectacular, so we're going to take you to the performers' room.

Brody's most likely in there. Wait, a room? It's kind of like a performer's. lounge sort of deal? It's the quarters where all the best performers get to lounge and eat green M&Ms. Oh. You have food? Do you ever have an M&M before? Are they been an M&M for? They're these tiny little Caucasian rappers. What? Yeah. Oh no. Oh, this is the hot Jones thing. I don't know. I don't kill any more people.

We put them in a bowl and we dye them all green. Oh, is that food safe? They're brothers, the Slim Jim Shadies. We turn into these long meat tubes that you can eat. I'm not getting the sense of anything here. It's food safe, man. I think it's very food unsafe. I mean, it's like the fortress of a really gross, evil haggos fires.

Yeah. Yeah. No, we got, I mean, I'm happy to go back and talk. to, you know, Snake-Ass Snake Jr., I guess Brody is his real name, but, or his chosen name. But I got noticed that bitter end loved it. Oh, I've never seen her react to something like that before. That's good. Wow.

Oh, you're never going to be able to leave Motherhorn now. That's so exciting. What? What's that mean? What are you talking about? What? You think the Bitter End is going to let you leave Motherhorn after performance like that? Oh, she'd never get rid of performers like you. Oh, you're gonna be stuck here with us forever.

That's so great, isn't it? Yeah, we'll even get your... We love to perform. Maybe you'll even get your own mask. What does that mean? Like me. Oh. Oh, that's...

Oh, that sounds modest well, eh, fellas? Sure. I never need to see me daughter again. Never need to see her. That's how I felt when I left my family behind. Do you have any kids? Oh, no, just the love of my life and my aging mother. Oh, well, how?

I'm sure they died peacefully without me. Oh, bro. But we should really get you moving. They've got to clean up the backstage and change out the props. We've got a new performance in four hours. Did the love of your life have like any reliable sort? of income? No.

Oh, oh. You were this old breadwinner? But I'm sure they're going to figure it out. Oh. How long has it been if you don't mind Torberg asking? I mean, time's different here. Oh. But I've been here about 50, 60 years now.

Oh. Whoa. Oh, wow. I've been the tomflaj real quick. Yeah. I'm fantastic with iambic pentameter, though, so Bitterin's never going to let me go. go. Mr. Crumby don't want this happen. Mr. Grumby, please, whatever you do.

So we're, really, it means that we're basically best friends now. Yeah, no, no, that'll be just fine. You and the rest of us in the performers quarters, I can't wait to get you there. I can't wait to go. We'll lock the door and then we'll stay there for as long as she requires. Slurp down green M&Ms. Yep. Oh, that's right. I've moved on to Slim Jim Shadies. I really like the way they give me acid refliflux. Oh, wow. I might be allergic. Oh boy, oh boy.

We, oh, look at us. The Ruby Island players does it again, boys. It's true, but just another hit success. We should get out of the way of the crew, and I'm gonna, well, we'll go ahead and we'll take a turn over this way, over stage left, pass through over the winch that brings up the larger props.

But don't worry, you're not going downstairs. It'll be really quickly. We're going to pass the prop storage room unless you have any reason that you think you need to go in there. And then I'll get you straight to the dressing room so we can get you changed out of these outfits and into something more comfortable,

maybe even a mask. If you want one. Oh, no, we're fine for now. Right, lads? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's plenty of time, all of eternity they get to the matter. Direct a sleep apnea, he already wears a mask.

All right, well, if you'll follow me, I'm gonna take you to your future here at Motherhorn. Oh, yeah. Oh, good. We've already made a deal, so, you know, we're great with FUnder End. Let's go. Great job. Lead the way.

Lean the way. Oh, boy. We'll follow you. All right, and the goblin begins to make their way downstage left and you walk over the large platform that clearly descends beneath the stage down to the room that you, the prop workshop that you remember ascending from when you made your way up to the auditorium to perform and you're able to step over it. You can hear the sounds from down below coming up, the amount of people that seem to be

so excited about what's happened here, whether it's because they're excited for you to be joining the cast and crew here, or whether they're excited that Bitter End has someone or an entire group of people to focus her eye on and that they finally get a moment's respite from her gaze. Oh.

As you make your way down the hall, you pass what is very clearly the prop storage room. You see a couple of mass goblins make their way out, very clearly moving some of the props in that had been used on the stage, as well as throwing away some that had the chewy chairs completely sticky and broken. And you can see that they're throwing, they're preparing to throw that away. And you hear them mention something about having to create a new one. Wait, are we?

Oh, sorry, shit. I thought I was listening to the midnight accidentally. That's real. Oh, scary. Oh, so many just copies truckers, fellas. Oh, no. Oh, boy. and you round yet another corner

before you see a doorway in front of you the goblin opens the door and what is this music? It's working for me. I mean, I do like it. You know, we're gonna leave it, that's fine. It's part of my playlist. It's very ominous.

It feels an ominous moment. It's very cool. I like it. The goblin opens the door and ushers you in and the door shuts behind you and you are able to relax into the quiet of this space. First, it feels like you are the only people here. As you look around, resting against the walls of the circular chamber

are three dressing tables, each one with a mirror atop it. The mirrors are bordered by tiny balls of bright golden light. An ornate, high-backed chair on clawed feet sits before each table. Slumped in one of the chairs as a bugbear dressed as a green dragon from the neck down. on the floor nearby are the fake dragon head and tail that complete the costume. This bug bear looks all the more unusual because he casts no shadow in this room. Though the lights in front of him as he's staring into this mirror would direct the shadow behind him. You should see it in this dragon costume climbing the wall behind him.

You see your shadows elongated across the floor of this room. But he has none. very similar to gleam. He does not seem to notice you as he walks in. You see that he has a makeup kit in front of him as he's playing with some of the pieces and lining his eyes, adding a little bit of rouge to his cheeks, looking into the mirror.

You see that he smiles and expresses different emotions. He gets frustrated and gets up and moves to one of the other stations, looks into this mirror and attempts all of the same things, yet again getting frustrated before moving to the third. Third, paying you absolutely no mind as he moves back and forth between these three mirrors, seemingly not getting the reaction from the mirror that he's expecting. Oh my gosh, this is another bug bear.

Well, shit me fucking. Is that hurley or was it burly? Who? You see as he stops for a minute. And he looks in the mirror. He moves to the side so that the mirror is angled back to where you've just entered and slowly turns his head. Who are you?

Oh, it's me, Grico. We used to work together, remember? No. How do you know my name? Your twin brothers looking everywhere. We've been looking for you. Yeah. Wait a minute. Hey, it's me, it's Grincove. Remember, we used a chat on a golden surf and turf?

All the time, don't you remember when we was a bunch of grish-grush colonies together? I do remember you. You hated me. Oh, what? No. Wait a minute. That didn't happen. So do you. You hated me, too.

Dormick? Yeah, you drunk. Have you too mad? I can't remember exactly when we met you in the order of operation. Dormack is starting to think that you all potentially tried to replace Dormick. No, no, no, no.

Oh, man. These guys were connies at the Wishlight Carnival. You were a Connie at Carnival recruit two totally different carnival. Yeah, and it was his brother what dragged you away into the Fawwild to have a caravan. Both had that.

You know, you have all the pros and pros. So Torbeck is taken away and tortured for some undetermined period of time. And next thing you know, there's another Torbeck and the bug bear in the crew? No, he was never in the crew. I mean, in fact, he's the one that dragged you away. So if you've got to be mad at anybody, you may be mad at him. His brother dragged Tollbeck away into this fight. I thought they both took him at the same time.

No, no. He was already missing. He would probably drunk off your ass, you know, at the end. The guy's not. and physically, and he wasn't here for that part. But anyway, his twin brother took you away with Mr. Witch and Mr. Lott. That's what you. You probably don't remember on account of all the brain shocking.

Oh, yeah, that's probably what it is. I'm sorry to make you relive that on account of seeing his face. No, no, no worry. Just three, four hours ago, he relived that thing for decades. That's right. Oh, that's right. Oh, wow. That was a trip.

Well, um, oh, holy. Yep. Oh, good job. I couldn't remember. It was Holly, right? Yep. No, Burley. I thought we met Hurley. Burley is my brother.

Oh, oh, Harley! This is Hurley. It's very possible the DM has mixed these names up on multiple occasions within this campaign. Why don't we just call you early and then we won't have to worry whether there is a B or an H? I would hate that. I would just look up D&D Beyond. I'm looking at the name right now and it's with a H. I'm looking at it right now.

Hurley the Bug Bear. The Burmere named Hurley. We met Burley. See, I know these. You've been warm with them, gee. I know. Hey, you know what they say? Just because you're both twin brothers,

we were all, what, lads, just because your brother and I got on a little better, you know, doesn't mean I hated you. I don't have any room in me art for hate. That's true. Grimo doesn't hate. No. He only loves.

You called me surly and short-tempered. I hate. I love everyone except for that ding-dong grubbering this around you called me surly and short-tempered you said if you could only be more like Burley

then maybe everyone wouldn't hate you so much Your misunderstanding Your misunderstanding really No no no no no Grigo tends to mispronounce words When he said you were surly He just was mispronouncing your name What about short-tempered?

I mean, we all have issues we need to work on. What about people wouldn't hate you? Did I really say that? It was a long time. If you were more like your brother, then people wouldn't hate you, Hurley. He was a younger man back then. I was a younger lad, eh? That must have been 20 years ago.

It was a long time ago. Roll a persuasion check with advantage. It was 20 years ago, eh? With advantage. No, he also hates that gribble, brabble, grizzle, graggle. I-d-d-d-twitch. Oh, and he hates the Lord Lanes.

That's who I truly hate. If you're not one of those little shithes around, I don't hate you, okay? Allow me to check because I did just get the first role as a natural 20-year. Oh, got it. Oh, got to give me. A persuasion, oh, that would be a 22.

That was so close. Come on, honey. Don't be, let boggones be boggones if I did say all that stuff. Well, you do look older. And was. Passage of time has made you a little bit shorter. Oh, well, that's true. Can't kick you for that?

We're just ribbing each other. There's a couple of lads. Old sour pussy shorty over here. Well, I'm not the same as I was either. See, bargones. I, did you say I was missing? Yeah, oh. Oh, yeah, what happened?

Burley was worried sick about you. We shared stories over a couple of goblin surfaith. Granted, they were meat-free alternatives. Oh, not them impossible. Yeah, things have really changed in the past, like, 20 years, 15 years or so. I hated those things, man. At the Witchlock Carnival. But we shared stories about the old days, and he was worried sick about you.

He ain't been the same old burleigh since he would have been missing. I left him a note. Well, I don't recall if he'd mention that. No, he definitely didn't mention that. Did he get, do you think he received a note? I probably didn't find it. I put it on his pillow, but you know how Burley is. Oh, Burley's always missing things.

He would lose his own head if it wasn't attached to his shoulders, eh? Oh, Bully. I should have left a message with someone else. Is Torbeck convinced that it was his brother that carted him off and threw him? I don't know. I don't think so.

I think, I think, they are identical twins. They are identical twins. And so I think Torbeck would be very much Not in wildly sitting behind everybody, just watching this guy. Well, I should have asked someone to tell him. I didn't go missing.

I left Willingly. You came here at Willett like all your own? You wanted to be here? Wasn't they killed too much? I had a drunken night with a sow pig. Oh, oh. We were talking into the wee hours of the morning. Oh, I've also had sound pieces of things I hate.

I guess I do have a lot of hate in my heart, but not for you. Well, you see, those words you said to me, Gricka, they hit home. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't want to be surly and short-tempered. I didn't want to be the angry version of my brother. I didn't want it to always hear, Hurley, why do you look so mad? Hurley, why do you hate your friends? Hurley just wants everyone to start moving along

with the D&D plot, look at him. Yeah, God, wow. So I decided that I was gonna leave the Witchlight Carnival. Oh, too real, bad, wow. Wait, it was everything that I did when I was a younger man. I said, well.

All full of pissing vinegar. They can't see that I just have resting bitch face, then I guess I have to go somewhere else and get a new face. Well, I couldn't find a new face, Greco. So I did the next best thing I could do, and I made my way to Motherhorn, and I learned how to act. I thought, if I can figure out how to make my face look happy, then people will stop thinking that I'm an asshole. Did you succeed?

No. I'm staring at this mirror, and every time I look into it, the face looks pissy right back at me. I don't know how to fix it. I smile and I look mad. I laugh and I look angry. Have you tried smiling with your eyes? Well, I don't know how to do that The last time I tried to take them out My whole face got swollen Does any of this have anything to do with the fact that you don't have a shadow? Well, yeah, so

Showed up here at Motherhorn and I said Bitter and not very good at action I don't have a great personality I ain't got no friends And everyone thinks my brother's better than me So I really got a good at my brother's better than me so I really got a good.

nothing to offer you but I do want something from you well shit I would like to learn how to not be the same as what people is was thinking I am's you just want to turn over a new leaf yeah exactly right and she said well you got nothing off for me but I can always use a good actor in the troops so in exchange for your shadow I'll let you stay here and learn how to act oh that's actually so she takes them big scissors of hers. She snips that shadow from my body. Pockets it.

Now here I am in this room. Still stuck on stage one. Get the mirrors to smile back at me. We've heard that the shadow-snipping operation is a little traumatic. Was it painful? What's your shadow doing now? I ain't done seen it since she took it. Well, we know somebody who had their shadow removed.

Well, they seem just fine. And they're quite talented, so maybe, you know, they still hope. People in this place hate the shadowless, so if I don't pass this test and learn how to make these mirrors happy, I ain't never getting my shadow back, and I sure as heck ain't getting a standing ovation. But I got to tell you, this was one time this Brody Snake-ass snake kid came in here. We know Brody. You know Brody all that guy. Yeah.

Well, we know. We're friends of his past. He's really nice. Old family. You know, most theater kids suck, but this one's pretty cool. Tovette calls. I wasn't that either. Oh, all right.

Damn, that was good spaghetti. You know, he's actually talked about how much he misses mom's spaghetti. Every time he says it, the M&Ms in that room get really upset. Yeah. I understand there may be Eminem and it's here. No, no, no, they're in the performance quarters. Oh, so this isn't that. Oh, no, we're in the dressing room.

I'm assuming you're here to disrobe and getting to something more cozy. Oh, am I still covered in blood? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let me get changed. You're stomping. Well, yeah, so, you know, he's come in on occasion.

He's working on his stuff, but. Should I put my robe back on, or could I keep on this crimson suit? What do you think, gentlemen? I mean, it's not a suit and all, but like, do you really pull it off? Yeah, I'm a griggle on this one. It's okay.

It's okay, Frosty. We gotta know thyself, eh? That's fine, I don't fucking care. Oh, sorry, Frosty. All I mean to say is we gotta know thyself, Hurley. Sometimes you gotta just expect, you know, accept who you are. You know, I had a similar story, you know, back in my own town. Do you mind if while you're telling me this, I try and smile in a sneer?

Yeah, keep going. Maybe my tale will give you a little bit of inspiration. smile. You know, I was trying to be a musician. I was going to get a great big rock star. I said, hey, mom, please, I got a dream. I got a dream. And, you know, and then finally, I had a great performance, and someone who was the biggest fan came up to me and they said, you are a wonderful musician. You're a great performer, Grico. If only you were more attractive, you make it big and be famous. So you know what I did after he did it? You know what I did? You on our like 15-day drinking bender and...

How do you know? I went out a 15-day drinking bender and gave it for me dreams. And that's exactly why I lived... You know what? I wasn't making a big thing. That's exactly why I left it. It was like horrible. I gave up.

But you know what? I accepted him. Would you like a hug? I don't want to give you one, but I'll do it because it's socially acceptable. Until you asked that, I wasn't really looking for a hug, but I think I could get a hug. He rushes over to you and gives you the biggest time. I'm sorry for being sure. Did you nasty lie to you, buddy?

No, it's okay if you hadn't made me hate myself and wish that I were dead. I wouldn't have left and come here to get my shadow snipped off and to fail at everything I try. I'm sorry, you know what they say the tree remembers when the axe begins. I don't know what that means. I don't need to hurt your feelings that bad. We was all just having a laugh. I didn't realize how nasty I was being. I didn't realize that my words actually have impacted.

He picks you up and he looks at you and he goes, You're my best friend, Grickham. Oh, gosh, you know what? I feel like we just became best friends. I know we did. Guys, if only we could get some, some goblin, surf and turf sandwich to celebrate right out.

It's like, oh, I'm gonna kill you! And this guy's like, you're gonna run for this guy, and I turn around his throat out. What do you do? I'm just attacking? I'm just attacking. Roll, roll, oh my God, no, do this as best I can. What's this funny you do with him?

I'm gonna just jump on, grapple him. Brattle them. Just like, you know, tap on the ground. Do it. Attack him, Torbeck. No, wait, stop. Don't kill him. Gohersh. Your best friend. I got a 13. If it's an unarmed attack, it's probably like a like a 14.

Oh, this is your claws, right? No, your claws are you ready? No, I'm not like, I'm just tackling this guy. Okay. You know what I mean? I'm not like, you know. You're not doing your class. No, no, no, no. That was a euphemism. Oh, okay. I have to see if he even has a stat block, I mean, I'm assuming.

He's got one HB. I'm not gonna do it. Oh. Totoa, he killed him. Oh my God. You might not have a stab block in here. What's not prepared for this? I have so many really.

You know what? You know what? You know what? I'm gonna, yeah, for, ooh. Hold on. Okay. What did you say? You got a 15?

14. Oh, 14. You know what I'll say for the sake of the fun of it? That, that hits. This is definitely. Definitely like... Because he's not even... I would say you can roll at advantage, because he's not paying attention.

Think of like a... This is a sneak attack. This is like a schoolyard tussle. You're an unseen attacker. We're just having like a slap fight. You know, I'm just mad. You're doing a non-lethal damage. Yeah, I'm just trying to beat up on...

Torquick's like not really a fighter. You know what I mean? Right. But I tackle him to the ground and I don't crit. I tackle him to the ground. And I'm screaming about how he's stolen years of my life and put me through torture. And he doesn't even feel guilty about it.

Ah! What are you doing? What are you doing out? Do you know, ow, ow, ow, ow, Gricka, oh, Grego, help me, Grinckham, help me, help me, hey, no, no, wait. Stop this.

Torbeck! I'm gonna feel like me. We can't save you, you're not friends with Greg. He did, get him, he did, he did, send him to you a better use. Oh, oh, you're scratching me. You're scratching my face, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, we gotta feel like we gotta give them this.

That's the sense of the brother and all that, is nothing to do with him. All right, all right, come here, Torbber. No, let's do it. Go! I do it, go! No, get a glass, and go. Come here, come here. Come on. It's not even him, I don't think. I'll do my kid to try and pull Torback off of them. Yeah, strength contest.

I fail. I got it. I love it. How often we roll dice that we're like hours into the session and they're barely... I haven't rolled single dice. Not one dice. I have not either. Oh, natural. Easy. Yeah. I plus zero strength.

Ow, you scratched my eyeball. Good, good. And Torbett's coming for the other one. Don't let me go. Don't let go. I'm so sorry for him. Let me help you. Come on over here, Torbeck.

Let's just hang out for a minute. Why is everyone paid early so much? I don't mean no heart. Yeah. Yeah, does your face hurt? Because he kill the Torbeck. My heart hurts, too. I was a good way.

I'm just trying to be a good guy. It's okay. It's okay. I'm just trying to make people laugh. What's wrong with you? How does you not heartgrown free times in size right now on account of this heartwarming situation we've just gotten ourselves into? It's the Torbock has an enlarged heart,

and it's because of all the things that he put Torbac through. What? I didn't do nothing here. No, it was his twin brother would put you for all that stuff. It was your twin brother which dragged you away at the guys, No, Bernie was already missing long before that happened. I didn't go missing. I left willingly.

Well, he was missing from what we understood, okay? Well, that was a lie. I really think you should find a way to send word to your brother that you're okay and that you're where you want to be. You know, that's a great point. Grico. Hey, here. Is that a lemon? Yeah, well, it's all I got.

Have a lemon. All right. Do I eat it rind on? squitter in your eye. All right. Don't you back. He cuts a lemon and he squirts it in his eye. So far.

That is how our flavor and cure wounds. Jesus. As I'm going to attempt to heal his eye. These are my curing limits. It's swollen. Grito, swollen. Is this supposed to hurt like that? Nine points of healing.

Oh, actually, that's not. It's been kind of ass now. Did you roll 28? Yeah. I roll. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Well, feel that.

He opened his eye and it is, his eye looks like it's about to pop out of the socket. It's swollen and red and dripping with citrus acidity. But he is, he looks happy. He's smiling and he looks down at the mirror. He sees a smile shine back at him. Oh my God, I did it. I did it. I smiled.

Grico, I smiled. Did you see that? Did you see that? Did you see that? You did it! Hey, Frosty! Get over you! We have a new best friend! Oh, free of us, best friends! Is he smiling in the mirror? He's smiling in the mirror.

Oh, does smile on the back handle? Yeah. Torbeck, you did it, man. You put him on this path of achieving his dreams! You gotta wipe that stupid run off his face. We're the free best friends that anybody could have. Oh, we're the free really good chums. And our best lads.

I-o about that, Frosty. Hey, we're all gonna get some golden surfing turf. Hey. Do we let you back in the kitchen? I love my two best friends. The three, we're like the... We're the third player for Lupin' Chili. I ain't never played, but I'll do it.

Oh, you know what they say? Oh, free's company. And we're the free best lads that anybody could ever have. That's how that goes. That's right. Oh, the free best lads. Ain't that right, clearly. Three lads.

Three lads in a fountain. Each one to get happiness. Each one to see happiness. I'm kind of fart each other. They can find happiness. And they became roommates in Los Angeles. West Hollywood. Well, what happens now?

Do you get your shadow bag? Oh, no. I got like 57 more emotions I got to figure out. You know, I got the first one down. You got that wheel with all different emotions and they break down. Oh, boy. There's a wheel for that? Yeah, yeah.

It enumerates all the emotions based on the inside of the wheel. Why? I ain't done knowing what enumerating is, but I trust you. A post office in Motherhorn or some way that you can send a letter to your brother? Well, maybe if I, well, not in Motherhorn directly, but if I could get out, maybe I could. But Grico, could you just tell Burley for me that I'm all right? Burley? Yeah, I'm Hurley.

No, I know, but like, we're both here together. I pretty just sure we got told that we was in prison here forever and ever. Well, you're getting, you're in prison here. You got a prisoner to your friend of relax. No, but you still got, you still got your shadows. It was implied. It was implied. Yeah.

They kind of sell this one comes next. They ain't snipped off yet. There's no way you could like send a letter or something? No, probably not. But. Well, I'm sure we'll see Burley again. I feel like every time I think it's the last time I've seen Burley, always shows up in me life again.

Yeah, well. That's the four best friends that anybody could have. Hey, Frosty? Hey. We got Burley, we got Hurley. We've got you and me, the best lads, you know, and they say, fools company, eh? I believe that's the phrase. That's the phrase, Ford's company.

Yeah. And y'all can speak goblin, too, can't each other? Yeah, exactly. And then we'll translate for you, Frosty. No, I can cast tongues. Well, we can test. Oh, that's right. We can all speak goblin to each other.

Why is that one foaming at the mouth? And, you know, and when there's the four lads, we can just, one of us will just take turns sitting out of loop and chewy when we just start to sit down a play. It's just going to be a Grandin's all right. That's what the chair is for. I'll be a grand old time. Yes, finally come full circle. In my mind.

We never have to mention that again. I reach out, Torbeck. You hear just wait. Just be patient. We'll get really soon enough. Oh, you're grin. So I mean, it's ruling a little bit of the mouth because of form on Burbeck's face. Oh, lads. My heart is so warmed

after all that, well, you know, I'm glad we can help you smile, but we have a lot of other people to meet, and we've got to get to our room. And if you had, like, 57 other emotions, I mean, do they have, like, counseling here at Maddo? I'm like, oh, professional. I feel like you probably need it. Well, no. Oh, well. Well, you know, me and Frosty are always here to listen to your problems whenever you need it.

Frosty's a great listener. Well, I really got to get back to working on those other emotions. I don't mean to rush you or anything, but I'm here willing. I'm happy. No, no, this was great. Honestly, that was easy. That was barely inconvenient. It was great reconnecting, and you know what?

If we could get a special request, if I tell them how to make it like a bartender, or they let me back in the kitchen, I'll bring you a golden surfing turf just like old times. And this time, I won't put anything nasty on account of it being a prank. Well, I appreciate that a lot. And here, I'll write down a few things here for you. A quixotic as an example. Oh, yeah. Pensive.

Another emotion you might try. Terror, mortal terror. You can give these a try. I don't know how to read. Oh, shit. That's probably why Burley didn't get my note. I don't know how to read or write. Did you just leave a blank parchment on his pillow?

I should have known that I wasn't going to work. Hmm. Yes. Frosty, what's Call of the Void? Nothing. What's memento mori? Stop, stop reading over my door. Sorry, sorry, I was just practicing me, letters.

Okay, finally, Gideon, lead us to Room 40s. What? Forties? Room 40s? Notting you about! Pretty good, great. Well done. Well done.

It's been a while. Oh, that was so sweet. I did not see that one. That one, I was like, I don't know what he's talking about. I think everyone was got. I think Mike got the entire internet. The entire internet. I was like, wow, Mikey never asked me the lead.

That's savage, man. That's savage. What a generous man from heaven. Oh, thanks, Mike. Thanks, Mike. Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, brutal. Oh, man, who has the map?

You make your way out of the room, and you begin walking down the hallway, continuing further until you come to a door with a large golden star on it, carved into the door in intricate lettering or the words performers quarters, and you realize that you've arrived merely one room over from where you had been.

Gideon, you open the door and you find yourselves in this new chamber. The walls of this gloomy chamber are aligned with black-veiled compartments that contain makeshift beds. The furniture is sparse, a few wooden tables and chairs, a box of junk in one corner and flickering lanterns rested here and there. Five performers and one snake occupy the room. Two of them pace nervously, while the others weep. The snake, clearly Brody's snake-esque as snake is sitting at a table and chair up against the wall writing frantically, writing like he's running out of time. You see in the very center of the room a table.

It's covered in dust. One of the legs has clearly been broken and patched together with the equivalent of duct tape. And on it are bowls. One of them filled with all these small Caucasian men dyed green. The other one is filled. I hate that so much. It's filled with what are clearly sheathes of ground up Caucasian and meat.

Yeah. What in the actual fuck? This is the worst in the script. I just want you to know that we all just like this. I'll pass. Is there like a little like crank where they're like they're alive and they're like, You can make your own slim jump feet.

You can make your own slim gym shaydies. You just have to pick one up. What is it with the small population of humans that are in the pay wild? And also on the table is a large dusty carafe of what is clearly lemon water. Oh, lemon water? Yeah.

Is it water with floating lemons in it? Or is it a combination of juice? Something in me needs to know. Yes. I have to know, Nikki. As inclusive yes, doesn't do it for me. It is water with lemons floating in it. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh. We're here. This is the star room, I guess. Oh. Being the new stop performance of old mother. How are. Make way. Everything good?

Seems. This is awkward. Oh, trust me. You're good, why, birth, listen. Let's go talk about. I've put a lot of outbees and I grab it. Oh my God.

You crunch down on his torso. The final scream of life escapes his. His arms are weak. His arms are heavy. Oh, well, I guess, I want to have any of those, knows, but it's not a place to store your snacks in a picture of water, but... Oh.

Lots of one of that. What do you mean you never gonna see your family again? Oh. Yeah, and she just continues to cry. You hear similar sentiments from all around you, but it seems like the majority of these performers, unlike Hurley, did not seem to be interested in talking to you. Oh.

Oh. Excuse me. Oh my God, is that snake-ass-snake Jr.? Did my eyes deceive me? By the gods. You hear the scratching of pen on paper as you, as it stops. It comes to an exaggerated scratch.

You have no idea how this pen is writing. Brody, Snake-as-S-Snake Jr., does not have arms. Yet somehow. His tail maybe is. No, no. His tail is occupied otherwise. Oh, God, he's more powerful and frost. And slowly you see as his snake body turns and looks towards you.

What to do there, fella? We're friends to your parents. Who are you? Well, I'm in the crew and this is Carla Volta. Wait, did you say you're, fuck. I'm turning into Hurley. He asks, how do you know his parents? I've got to figure out how to do this man.

Well, they started by kidnapping me, and then they cooked us a nice spaghetti dinner. Yeah. Oh, gosh, Mom kidnapped you? Yeah, we were just walking around, old hither, and we were, you know, on the grounds of the slanted towel. She really has a possession issue. Yeah, I mean, she just pounced the second she saw me. Yeah, I mean, I don't blame them. Well, look at it.

Yeah, I mean, you do kind of look like, oh, shit, this is a, why am I doing this? You know? What's the skeleton key in that? Well, it should be, you know, but in my head it's not to the man. You know, you do kind of look like the, you know, the hunky men she watches on her mirror images. Or not mirror images, that would be weird. On her major images. She sure wrapped herself all the way around me real quick, so, I mean, I guess.

And just tugged them right down. Right. Tugged him right off his feet. The Tugger's at the best adventures without Torbeck. The rest of having you guys. You should have seen her make spaghetti. It was remarkable. Single body that's figuring out how to navigate

an entire hot pan while also the noodles and the boiling water. Her job, tomato, the car onto everything. I really miss her cooking. Her spaghetti was the best. I said, it was some real gourmet shit, Torbeck, let me tell you. My favorite nights back home were when she was watching The Bachelor

and it was the vampire bats trying to find love. The bat flurred. Yeah, the batch chiller. She would just cook up a storm for that one. Yeah. If we ever go back, Torbett would love to try a plate of spaghetti garnished with the tongue of burly. Well, there's still time for that, yeah.

We'd have to get back to Burley. We'd have to go find Burley and, you know. It's been so long since I've had a pot of gravy. Wait. Wait, what? A pot of gravy with your spaghetti? Oh, yeah. Gravy was...

What else would you put on spaghetti? What do I look like? A fool? You put sauce on spaghetti. What do you do you do? Why would you ever put sauce on spaghetti? What am I going to put ketchup all over my spaghetti mustard? That's weird.

A good marinella or maybe, you know, any kind of red sauce, maybe a pink sauce. Yeah, so gravy, you know what I'm talking about? Stuff that makes it so great with mayonnaise and tuna juice. Yeah, sauce. What are you talking about? What that is that? He knows what I'm talking about right there. Sauce.

Sauce. Sauce makes us great with mayonnaise and... Like Thousand Island dressing or French dressing or something. A little bit of meat grease, eh? Yeah, mm. You've done it with... Wait, you're talking about... Gravy.

Gravy, right? Like, you take meat drippings and you add some kind of broth of stock and you thick it with water and you... Well, you know, sometimes the meatballs inside of, you know, will drip a little meat sauce into the squash tomatoes mixed with oregano and some olive oil. I'm just confused because I feel like you're describing sauce. Yeah, you're talking about sauce.

I'm talking about Cravely. When I ever call it sauce, that's just absolutely ridiculous. I mean, that's what it is. Like, you can say it's not, but you're just wrong. I'm not wrong. No, no, no. You believe that a red tomato sauce. What do you know about snake-ass snake traditions, huh?

Look, I don't know shit. I don't know my mother. You don't know my mother. You don't know my mother. You don't know my fucking mother. You step down right now. You're gonna catch this tail, you're gonna catch this. What a jackass.

You don't know shit about my mom. I'm calling my dad. I can't call my dad. Stuck here, I can't call my dad. You got started on the wrong foot, all right? I don't have any feet, you piece of shit. Oh, geez, I hope I did not mean it. I'm so sorry.

I believe I did not mean it that way. Look, look, look. The parents miss you dearly and fray. Don't be talking about my mom. You keep my mom's name out of your fucking mouth. Sweet lady. Your dad, he, he... You don't be talking about my dad.

You keep my dad's name out of your fucking mouth. Your family. Don't be talking about my family. You keep my family's name out of your fucking mouth. You get away from this fucking rude-ass kid. Jeez, I'm done with this guy. Okay. Fuck him.

Okay, allow me to help. We need a mediator. I feel suddenly like... I hate you. Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know the difference between gravy and sauce, yeah? I mean, sauce. No, actually, no, I do like this guy. I do like this guy.

I feel like we're having a semantic argument that has very little actual meaning to the gravity of the situation we find. Was anybody talking to you? Would you care for an M&M? No, was anybody talking to you? What are you doing, walking up here into my house? Hey, don't talk to me best mate, flossie like that. Well, I'll do whatever I want. Not mad now.

I'm not now. This guy's over here trying to sleep with my mother. This guy's over here trying to tell my family how to live their lives and have their traditions. And this guy's over here and nobody's talking to him and he's buttoned his nose and other people. And you keep shouting at my friends. I'm going to have to get you spanking and I know you're going to like it because I assume it runs in the family. Got you. No one was helping the situation.

That wasn't even there. Big Red, give me some. Give me some. Good, big, Red. Oh, dang. I'm really mad right now, but I, I, I was oddly turned on by that, and so I don't know how to feel right now.

One smack in a dorm, all right? I'm all right or am I right. All right. Am I right or am I right. No, I think you might be right. I think we might have gotten off on the wrong foot. You see, I, I don't have, I don't have much time.

What do you mean? I got to finish this script before opening night. And if I don't, she's going to send the Gabo Ghouls to ax my family. Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, what? What the hell? A goobo ghoul? Yeah, she's going to send her band of Gobbo Ghouls to axe my family. Is that like, undead, undead goblins?

You know it. I feel like gobbler noise are getting the shoulder of the stick in this shitty place Yeah, this is a good I feel, I feel, I often bring me a fucking son Yeah, we need a serious

PR campaign. Brody, it's funny to me she's got a crazy army of a thousand marionettes with knives and she sends gobble ghouls after a little. Why not the marionettes? Because it's thematic.

It's because they've got their cap of cool, you know, and they've got a pop a cap of cool. You can ask them. Damn, they got guns here? No, they got the cap of cool. I use them optional firearms rules. Oh, shit.

You do. I have got the repeating laser right. Well, I feel like we've got off under the wrong scaly underbelly. And I feel like we've just learned, correct me if I'm wrong, that you are now mixed up in the mall and a bunch of undead goblins

going to kill your folks unless you put on a great show? They might have made a couple of mistakes, but I'm figuring it out, you know? Like I dreamed to start them. I want my name in lights. It's all I've ever wanted. Uh-huh.

And I'm almost there. I just got to write this script and save my family from. Brody, Brody, Brady. Brody, Brady. The Garbo ghoul. You were able to turn around the... What the fuck are you?

Why are you talking to me? Oh. What the hell? I'm trying to help you. Frost, can you call him this goddamn? Can you please explain the dokey-dicky-dicky? You were involved in this. I've been thinking about it for I can't think of anything else.

It's fucking crazy. That's daring speaking. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you saying you read my collaborator? script. We performed it. You turned it around in no time at all. It was only a few hours and you were able to turn it around.

You like the dokey dicky-dickie part? No, I, you were able to do it very quickly. You wrote it very quickly, is what I will say. I felt in the moment. He had something written there was poetic, and I felt like you broke up the tension. And I thought to myself, why would he say you shine more brightly than the luminescent

stars that pepper than the star. Why wouldn't you say anything romantic? Your, my love for you is tremendous and endless and serene. Whoever who speaks to, who the fuck speaks like that? So I thought, actually what if he said, I'll give you my dukey

dicky instead, you know? And I just felt in that moment like you just tied the whole thing together. And you completed that script in time. I mean, the only part I really left was the beginning part where it was like fading in. because there's all that technical shit

that I didn't really understand. Right, right. And then, like, right after he said, the man I love is dead, I just scrapped everything else. I wrote the rest myself. Oh, so you wrote that part about really hating Jason Schwarzman.

Fuck that guy. Have you ever done Jason Schwarzman? What a piece of fucking shit. He can't say I've had the pleasure. Yeah, I know. I mean, not every actor needs a tremendous amount of ways. Not everyone needs to be a character actor. And he'll tell it to you too.

So you go ahead and ask Jason, and how he feels about his acting anyway. Fuck that guy that Weasley, fuck. Oh my gosh. And you wrote that and somebody said that on stage. And in front of hundreds of people, perhaps thousands. And from what I hear, now I don't know who performed it, from what I hear, they were spectacular.

It was like we mind-melded. They just got me. They got my vision, you know? Because it's not every day that you find actors and actresses and the like that you can read a script like that with so many layers because like it might look like it's something on the surface

level but it's deep, you know? Like, dooky-dicky doesn't just mean that it's you know a Duke's dick. It's also mean it anal sex. How old are you? How old are you? This is inappropriate.

Why? We're a real sex fire. Look, I've had enough. I'm going to forgive. You may be responsible for forcing Gideon to ruin your song by son Elton John, all right? And all I'm going to say is your parents want you to go home because they think acting and theater is cringe, all right? They want something better for their son, and we made a deal and we promised that we were going to pass that alone. And beyond that, our deed is done, fellas.

You're right. Check one off the box. And it's part of the words. You can go ahead and tell my mom that I love her a lot and I would come home if I could, but I kind of made a pact with his tag. And now I'm stuck here until I can get my shadow back. And I can't do that until I write the script. That is an amazing opening night so she can fulfill all the plans and take over all a prismian, you know?

So I'm kind of stuck doing all of that. But if you could let Ma know that I've been dreaming of a gravy for so long, and I would come home if I couldn't. And I actually think she's kind of right, you know? I think acting is cringe, but playwriting is pretty not cringe, you know? because you write about a dokey-dicky and it makes people cry. Brody, one moment. Are you saying that you're writing the script for Endelen's opening night?

Oh, yeah. And are you saying that you made it pact with her to make her open a night go real well? Yeah. Oh. Oh. And you should go home. It is important that you enjoy spaghetti and gravy again.

Oh. You know what? Brody, seems like you've got some writers' block. Why don't you just, you know, walk it off, slither it off? Brammy! Damn it! And just cool your head. And Grico here is an accomplished playwright.

I don't know if you knew that about it. Oh, the tale of Brave Shore Morgow? I don't know if you've heard that. Why does, is... Huh. Do it again. Oh. Well...

Well, you know. Well, you know, baby! Well, you know. I actually do think that I heard that. Yeah. It was, that was in, you know, that place. And they, they, that, oh, yeah. Yeah, that slutty bitch, Julia, uh, Files.

Who? What? What? Oh, yeah. I mean, y'all weren't there for that. Sucking on, yeah, I know, but they got shows. No, yeah. They got major images.

My mom watches that trashy TV all the time. It was not only. It was a great thing. Yeah, yeah, no, I heard about that. They were so pissed that they didn't major image that. People were loving it. Why don't, you know, you let us help. Grico can maybe finish the play.

And then you'll be Scott Free. She'll love it and then please. And you can pass it off as your own work. I won't ask for a royalty's and nothing. He'll be the best ghostwriter you could possibly imagine. He's quite the word for. Well, you know, you know, I don't feel. I'm going to be honest.

We're close now, right? We're practically family. Was that just because he said ghosts? Here, here, please, please. I mean, honestly, I mean, with the amount of times you clearly slept with my mom, you're practically my dad. Oh, wasn't a lot of sleeping going on. Brody, Brody, here.

Have an M&M. You're not yourself when you haven't had an M&M. I prefer the slim. They say it takes eight miles to go through the digestive trail. Brody. Brody, you don't, do you think that you can do wrong this script yourself? Do you believe yourself that much? That's what I was going to say.

I feel like, I don't know if you were in the audience and you were able to see what happened with the performance today, but that was my best work. How am I ever going to come up with something like that ever again? And I've been in a playwright's block ever since. You know, Brody, I feel like you need,

You know, this is actually quite serendipetus. That I've just met my old, my old best friend, Burley, my new best friend Burley with me. Hurley. Hurley with my old best mate, Frosty. Laughed? On the count of our gain wisdom. And I was a young landlock, you full of piss and vinegar, you know? No.

And you've said some pretty reprehensible facts. What are my things? But what if I said that's reprehensible? I feel like I'm... You've got it. Nothing but nice to you guys. I think a little bit of humility will finally unlock the whistle that you need to write.

I do think that if this were a comedy, I think that this script would be great. But Endeline requires it to tragedy. Yeah, and so let me tell you something that I needed to hear when I was a young lad. You're a great actor, wonderful, and a brilliant playwright. I'm pretty bad. It's an actor, actually.

If you were more attractive, you would make it big, and you would be so famous. Let me tell you, if you were just more attractive, gosh. I know, it's a really unfortunate thing for a naked man like myself to be born with human teeth and he smiles and you see two rows of human teeth. Yeah, that's really freaky. But as long as we say, I'm ugly and I'm proud, can you say it for me?

I don't want to say that, though. But note ourselves. Own it. See, Torbeck and I say to each other out of Tom. I'm ugly and I'm proud. See, we're both ugliest, what are the ugliest mucks around, eh? I'm ugly and I'm proud. Come on, say it with me, Brody, Snake at Snakes, Jr.

Roll a persuasion check advantage. I'm using one of our many twists. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you, chat. Oh, my goodness. Uh, 21. Play your game.

My name is Brody, Snake at Snake Jr. and I'm ugly and I'm proud. These human teeth in this snake body don't make me any less than anyone used, except for maybe you because your handsome is fucking. Well, that's fair. But the rest of years are ugly just like me. Whoa. And that's...

There's a kind ofness about that. And, you know, I think I could use a little bit of a break from all this playwright and all. And I just, I need a creativity, a creativity break. So I got to go get the star of opening night. I'm going to go get Glister out of a jail cell, and I'll be back once she's free. And that's where we'll end the session. Jail cell doesn't sound good.

The star of opening night. I'm sure it'll be fine. It feels good to be back, folks. It feels so good. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, I'm a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shroud of her Saltmarsh,

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