Legends of Avantris - Once Upon a Witchlight | Ep. 7 | Tainted Love

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Torbek goes on a date while the rest of the gang gets new tickets...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/EFqxk5yKJ4c?si=9MyC2omt1CFpRVT-

Welcome to Legends of Adventress. Torbeck's name is Torbeck, and you're listening to Once Upon a Witchlight. Here's what happened last time. You found yourselves outside of the caravan ready to meet Mr. Witch and Mr. Light. However, they had other plans. Frost had caused quite a stir at the big top extravaganza, and Mr. Light wanted to have a private... moment with him alone to discuss what had occurred.

While you were waiting, you met up with an unexpected old friend, Torbeck, one of your former Carnies from Carnival LeCrew. Did the God of the world say friend? Was a few days late to apply to work at the witch-like carnival, but all the same, he was there his resume in hand. Mr. Witch kindly asked the three of you to entertain Torbeck while Mr. Light finished his conversation with Frost, and you proceeded to enjoy a guy's night at the carnival. I think it's joy is another story. I mean, it's just jokes, you know, it's just ironic. It's a ronk. It was just a prank. It was just a prank. It was just much fun since the last time we're dressed up like

It was through the course of Guy's night that they were able to accomplish mostly nothing. They engaged a little bit of dress-up. Torbeck set up a date with a pixie that he chose not to show up to. And they found themselves at the portion of the carnival that had the fun in games, the actual carnival games. It was here where they spent punches on their

tickets to desperately try to win the stuffed visage of an almerage, which they were lucky enough to procure. And as they, as Kremi received the final punch on his ticket and they're discussing how to go about procuring more tickets to play more games is when the loud voice could be heard of one very irate pixie screaming from down. from down the way, calling out to Torback. Anything, okay? And as you scrunch yourself up,

she lets loose one of her glass filled with an elderberry wine and you're completely drenched. It's really just a small amount running down your face, but it feels like you're completely drenched in this wine as she just flings it towards you. How could you tell me to wait there and never show up? I thought we had something special.

Oh, well, first of all, Torbeck didn't even get your name. What does that even matter? Second of all, Torbeck has deep-seated abandonment issues. So you chose to abandon me because of your abandonment issue? Yes, it's a classic psychological defense. I mean, that's actually more likely than not in no situation. And also, Torbeck. This is not a conversation for you.

you, sir, okay? You're not part of this? You think you can stop shouting at the absolute top of your fucking lungs? I swear to God you come at me one more time, cake, chat, and you're gonna feel a pixies wrath, goddammit. Hey, gosh, chill. Chill and let Tobach deal with this

all right, okay. We're gonna chill. You don't ask a lady out on a date and not show. Do you understand me? Yes. You owe me. Yes. I want you to stand in front of me. Okay.

Roll a D-100 for me. Oh my God. Oh, yes. Oh, I think Torbac got a 14. You think you can just do something like this with no consequences? Torbeck didn't really think about it. Well, you think about it next time, won't you? And she starts flying around you and sprinkling you with what looks like pixie dust, but it's in deeper hues.

darker blues, darker reds, far more somber. And as you look at her, you see that the beautiful image of this pixie is almost overcome with a more a more darkened look. Her eyes are more sunken in. Her teeth look more razor sharp. Her skin is more sallow. As she takes on the visage of an unseely fay, as she begins to sprinkle this magic's over you. and you watch is out of Torbeck's mouth

grows two gigantic bucked teeth. Oh, no, no, this is horrible. How could this happen in Thorbeck? Even his name's different. No, what? I said, he's required, how could this happen in Thorbeck? Tollbeck's turning to the thobank.

Oh, Thubbeck. That sounds pretty good. That sounds pretty cool. And you owe me an apology. Thorpeck is very sorry. Thormec really just kind of thought that you were setting Thorbeck up for a fall. Why would you ever think that? Well, Thorbeck has a girlfriend, but...

You have a freaking girlfriend and you asked me I'm on a date? Let Thorbeck explain. She's just... made of cardboard. I don't give a shit what she's made out of. If you see it someone else, you shouldn't be asking a pixie. I need to. You know what?

I don't think that's enough. Can you roll in the D-1-10? Oh! Thormec isn't exploiting himself very well. I think that's a 40. Thormec think that's a 40. Thormak doesn't do very well under pressure. Oh, gosh, do you think we should have a 40.

Oh, gosh. Do you think we should have a 40? out, it's just getting really bad. Oh, well, I don't know. Let's see how this one plays out. She rises into the air and takes on that visage of the unseely fay as she begins to sprinkle you with her darkened pixie dust,

and all of you begin to smell this immediately, the overwhelming stench of goblin piss just emptying to the doorback. So it smells the same? This is really... This is really... So nothing changes. Thorpeck was going to ask if you actually did anything. Okay, things are just going from band to work for Thorpec.

Um, just another day that ends in why. I think that you should learn from this, okay? You don't ask women out when you're seeing someone else. That's just trashy. You're better than that. And if you can have someone meet you with, in the north, you show up to the north. Torbeck's not so sure that Torbeck is better than that.

You know, I had enough. Don't call. Okay. She turns and flies off. Torbeck is not, oh, she's gone. Okay, well. Did you ever get a name? Nope.

That detail was left out very, uh, oh. Well, you know, I think it's a little strange because, I mean, she says that you stood her up for a date, but wasn't it kind of like stood her up for 10 minutes behind her wagon sort of situation? Yeah, Thorbeck's pretty sure that she approached Thorbeck. But everything's such a whirlwind right now. I mean, I actually think she kind of likes you. I mean, she did all that stuff to fix you up. You know, I mean, she fixed her teeth, fixed the smell you had.

You look a lot better now. Thormak thinks the Guinean's just pulling his leg. Yeah. They should call him Torbuck. Went to go see a cosmologist about some cologne. But then he went to see a urologist. You feel all right? He's haunted again.

I know you guys can't hear this. But it's chuckles. He's telling jokes. And only he's laughing. And he laughs at a pitch that really, you know, pierces the back of your teeth. You know what I mean? Like you just feel it in your bones. Yeah, maybe we should see a neurologist for that.

I mean, I'm a little concerned yet. Yeah. Are you sure? I mean, wouldn't he be hunting all of us? That seems a little strange. I mean, you were the one who manslaughtered him. Yeah, I mean, I'm manslaughtered. I mean, that best Kermit covered it up.

So, you know, maybe by, you know, extensionist properties. Oh, no. I guess that Kremi was the one who was really responsible for the systematic working conditions that probably led to Chuckles' downfall anyway. So perhaps in a more of a philosophical sense, Kremi's more responsible than you? Well, you know. I didn't tell Gid to punch him, I just told him to feed him to the pigs. So if anything, I just told you to cover it up.

Yeah, but, to be fair, I mean, he's got a strong point. I mean, he only drank like that because of what you made him do. You know, I think there's a drinking, there's no way you just punch a guy right in his body and he dies instantly. There's just no way. Are we all forgetting that he was a drunk before he started working at the condo? I barely remembered him before all this happened. Because it was a drunk. He was passed out drunk half the time.

I miss that guy. You know, again, why did you punch him anyway? Who can say? You know, sometimes these things just happen, you throw a meatball, you throw a fist, clowns die. You know, it's just another day of hands and wine. Exactly. That's a thing that normally happens to you? A shockingly a high amount of the time, yeah.

Yeah, if Gideon had an election piece for every time he accidentally killed a clown, he'd have two electron pieces, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that have been toys. Yeah. Oh, you guys aren't mad at Thorbeck for ruining guys night out, are you? I don't think it's ruined. Yeah, it's not God's and I until somebody smells like Gobber Pits.

That was like we're just getting warmed up. We're just getting started. Oh. That wasn't a good question. Do you want me to clean you up? You like smelling like Gobbon Piss. No, this is definitely one of the top ten worst things that have ever happened in a Thorpeck. And the other nine would shock and appalling you.

I mean, I can try, but that was an illness. magic she was using on you. Oh, please try. Give me this a shot. I'm going to press the digitation to try to get the smell off. Nothing happens. No, I can't help you.

The dark magics I can't even begin to describe. Thorneback is still appreciative. The smell of ammonia is very heavy in the air. I need you all to roll a constitution savings.

Maybe this will be Thorneback's new Superpower. Rolls a piston. That's the new one. Are we playing D&D? What are you saying? Conia.

Holy Thorback. I think I got a 10. 16. You are all able to succeed. Oh, you're going to do stank, though. Hold on. I'm going to pull up my character. shoot, because we are playing

Dems and Dragons after all. You know, that's the strongest whiff of goblin piss I've ever heard, and I used to be a caretaker of an outhouse in my village. Oh, yeah,

asparagus doesn't even begin to defrived. Not an hint of pineapple in there. You know what? I'm like an ass. Jesus. You know what?

I totally forgot to tell her that I love unicorns. Oh, you know how to dare? That's it. Oh. I swallowed this squishy red ball. I think you'd probably catch her if you start hoofing it right now. I mean, I don't know. She was kind of cool.

Yeah, I don't think we should play. hurt down. Thorpeck's not going to survive. Role and perception check. Oh no. Why did that you begin to suggest that? Perception. Yeah, that's like 21.

Oh. You look over and you can see that she is talking, that she is just a few, she's a few stalls down, and she seems to be chatting with one of the caretakers at a game. All the rap back. I'll be right back.

I wonder her. Hey, I love unicorn. See my stuffed unicorn? Well, I guess it's a rabbit unicorn, but anyway, I love them. She turns around and you see that there are tears just streaming down her face. Well, he's still back now, but yeah. Oh, I've changed his name. Yeah, well, I mean, you sort of changed his name, but it's funny, so I'm glad you did.

Oh, when he kept it, do you think he still likes me? Well, I hate to break it to you, but, uh, I don't know if he really understands his own feelings. You know what I mean? I think it's just confused. I know, that's what I was thinking. That's what I was telling Carl over here. Oh, Carl? Hey, what a dude? Camille the crew. I love a little of unicorn. See?

You look over and you see an older goblin who's just kind of crouched down behind the stall. He's like, all right. Isn't that great? Sure. Anyways, I'm going to take it the wrong way. I think this is all very new to him. We're kind of showing them. Show him at the time.

You know, it's guys not. Can you see what I'm wearing him? I mean, this is sort of speaks for himself. You know, I told him not to, like, hit on a pixie if he's in a relationship. But, I mean, like, if he's hitting on a pixie when he's in a relationship, he's probably not a great relationship, right? Like, they're clearly having problems. Like, maybe she's not the one for him, you know? Like, should I give him space?

So do you think I should, do you think I should approach him? I think there might be a level of biological incompatibility there. Certainly. Oh, I can fix that with just a pinch a pixie dust. I'm just saying, I think you still got a shot. You do? With the horrible Eldrous magic, yeah, you can do just about anything. I mean, you were his friend.

You wouldn't lie to me right. No, oh, no. Not me, not for him to groove. I haven't lied a day in my life. I have to decide whether I think she would insight check you. Not to make him roll of deception. If he says, I never lie. He doesn't agree because he's never

lied. He has to roll in his episode. Yeah, no, she's going to insight check you just because she's very... It's very good. Oh, kind of nice. Oh, kind of mine. 21. I hold a natural one.

Wow. Put one and sink. She flies over and puts her tiny hands on your snoot, and she, thank you so much. You would just, you know, You know, I could just tell me looking at you. You were the most honest person I've ever met in my entire life.

You know, I do try. I do try, so good luck. Someone who likes unicorns, like, that right there. You have an armourage, blushy. Like, that should have been enough of me to know that you were just the kindest, gentlest soul. And you know, it's no mirage, get it? Oh. It kind of sounds like an armorash.

Yeah. I think it's just a bunny unicorn, but they would call it anyway. Good luck. Oh, you're gonna leave? Oh, I mean, do you want me to stay? Well, I thought you were gonna give me pointers on how to get him back. Well, I'm like, we just started seeing each other. I don't want it to end yet.

I guess when I said that I think that there was some biological incompatibilities, what I mean to say is that I think that's very easily overcome. Do you think, oh, if that's the only problem, can you take me back to Torbeck? Uh, yeah, sure, why not? I mean, hold on. Can I ride on your shoulder? You promise not to do put any of that dark pixie dust on me? Yeah, absolutely.

I never had a chance. Or the big rat guy or the goblin? The goblin in the rat dress. A lot of goblins here, I just want to clarify. Yeah, sure. You can do whatever you want to or Thorbeck, but... Okay. All right, let's go.

Okay. And she'll sit on your shoulder. I'll walk back with my cane. Maybe there's a perfume vendor. Around here, Thorbeck don't worry about, you know? No, Thorbeck is very sure from past experiences that that will only make things worse. Why do you, fellas? Oh.

Oh, Flah fam. Girl, are you moving in on Thorbeck's girl? No, I'm not-blog. You're a crocodile? Oh, she's got no interest of me. No, no offense, but He's not really my thing. He's just a sweet, honest, crocodile alligator.

That's right. I never lie to day in my life. And I said to Thorbeck, I mean Thorbeck. And Thorbeck. His relationship's a little rocky, so there's nothing matter. She just can't solve, you know what I mean? Those relationship was a little cardboard. Oh, that was a good one, kidding.

Not from you. Not from you. This goes on for 30 minutes. And as this happens, she flies up into the air and she flies directly in front of your face. Oh, there. I was talking to Cremie, and I'm sorry for getting so upset. Like, I don't want this fight our first fight

to be the thing that tears us apart. So, you know, Kremi told me what the problem was and what you feel in your heart of hearts. And that can be fixed, baby. I promise. Mommy's got you, and she's going to blow pixie dust in your face. I need to roll wisdom saving throw for me, please.

Torbeck is very good. Wisdom saving throw. Yeah. Is it against being charmed? No. Then I'm in trouble. He'll be fine. Ha ha!

No, you won't be fine. Norbeck got a natural one. So that's a total of three. You immediately begin to feel your body change as you shrink and shrink and shrink until you're the size of a pixie. Oh, what, what has happened? Thorbeck being seven foot tall

is the only thing Thorbeck had going for him. Oh, it's okay, it's not too bad. She flies down to you. You are so perfect in this. I didn't know that it was the problem that you just felt like you were too tall. Oh, no, that was the, oh, Thorbeck is in very deep trouble. Oh, this is going to ruin Guy's Night and Thorbeck will never have any friends. Do you want to hold hands and go on the Ferris wheel?

Oh, what? But, Guy's Knight, what about Guy's Night? And do you not smell that? horrible. Yeah, you stink, but you did it to yourself. You did it to Thorbeck, you! No, I didn't do this to you. You didn't meet me at the North.

No. His clothes shrink, too. Yeah, he's not naked. Well, even if Thorbeck was naked, he's very hairy. If Thorbeck goes on one ride with you, which is a little. Which you still haven't told Thorbeck your name. Will you return Thorbeck to his normal status? But how are we going to be together if you're as tall as you were?

That's a good point. Torbeck did realize that there were certain mechanical issues. But again, Torbeck's height is the only thing Torbeck had going for him. But now you don't have anything going for you. So look, this is great. I fixed you. Hey, toolbox, can we sidebar? Can we sidebar, gars not?

He's a guy, I'm a guy. I'm a guy, you're not really a guy, you know, just gos not. It's in the name. Let me go ahead and help you a little bit, because it's going to be hard to talk from down here, and she sprinkled some more pixie dust on you, and you realize you can fly. I will flit up, like, to your shoulder,

and then just, like, make myself comfortable, like, on your shoulder. but the smell of piss is overwhelmed. What's off, Grigo? Don't do that. I was betrayed a foot for a second. Kiss, there go. Usually, when a girl tries to get you, by cutting you down

and taking away all the things that make you you, that's usually a red flag. What is a red flag? It's something that you should be aware of when you meet someone who fancies you and you might fancy them. And it's usually a sign that down the line they will turn into a harpy. And by, I mean that literally. I once dated this girl in the village and she was the most beautiful goblin.

She's the greatest singing voice and she turned into a harpy. That's horrifying. And she flew away. Oh. It was very scary. Oh, how do I fix this? Is one ride enough to make this okay? Yes, all you got to do,

well, I don't know if this breaks a rule of no takes his back since. Oh, well. Do one ferris wheel. Hold on. Do one ferris wheel, and then we'll just continue Gar's knot, and you'll be back to your normal seven-foot-toll shelf. Surely if Thorback explains the situation, she'll be extremely reasonable

and everything will turn out just okay. That's the smartest thing you ever said, yeah. You know, I'll think you're right. I'll think you're right, Tulbeck. All right, thanks, guys. Oh, Tulbeck, one more question. Yeah. How does it feel to be the shortest member of the party?

Please stop reminding. Got him, got him, got him. Guys are, it's okay. We're just having to laugh. We're just in your bones. Okay, you have fun, love. Boots. Oh, that's right, don't wait up.

Not that you were going to. Oh no, there's fatal cake over here. Wait, what is that? Oh, no, two-based wheels. Oh, I'll catch up! One ride, and then Thorbeck has to continue with Guy's night. Thorbeck needs this! Yeah, okay.

We can go to the Ferris wheel right outside of Pixie Kingdom, because it's the only one that's going to be small. only one that's going to be small enough for you to ride. Okay, that sounds amenable. And I forgot to tell you my name. Yes, you did. It's Rihara. Riaata.

Riaata flog. Ria, Ria, Rada, Flog. Yeah, it's spelled R-E-A-D-A-H. Space, F-L-A-G-H. It's Celtic. Thormec doesn't know letters too good. We'll just go with how it sounds phonetically. Oh, yeah, that's why people keep calling me red flag.

Oh, Thorbeck was too dumb to get to the joke. No, Thorbeck is in trouble. I guess it's better than clog. Fellas, pick the kingdom. What do you think? Oh, that's where we're going to go and go. We don't, if she was talking to you in. She was talking to him.

We have some games to play. We have some games to play. We can't get on the Bixie Carnival Ride, or we're too big. What I will say is you remember that you're out of ticket stamps. So him going on the Ferris wheel is a perfect opportunity for the three of you to head back to the ticket booth, get new tickets if you're starting to run low. Because you know that Torback had a fresh ticket and be able to meet up with him for more fun in games after his Ferris Wheel ride. All right, fellas, that's got a great idea. Oh.

While he's on Ferris Wheel, why don't we go refresh our tickets? Oh, how do you... That is very economical with your time that's frozen anyways, Cremie. How do you come up with such a clever idea? That's why you're the leader of the group. That's right. That's right.

Well, somebody's got to do it. It's like, it's like, oh, Gramey. Well, Tobac is on the thing. Let us go get more tickets. That's something Frost would have said. Is that a frost and Britain? Yeah, it's pretty good, huh? That's pretty good.

Oh, well? It's pretty good. Prermy and Guilla, when you gave to join me for breakfast? Pretty good? I really, he doesn't like breakfast. He really, I know he does. He won't shut the fuck up about it. I mean, he really likes breakfast.

I mean, I like, I mean, I like breakfast too, but, you know, it's like, I mean, I like breakfast, but, you know, it's like. And you have this conversation that you make your wheel in the Christmas. And while that happens, uh, Rihatta makes her, makes your, helps you make your way towards the Ferris wheel, all the while just completely talking your ear off. And it's going to be so great because if you decide after the Ferris wheel that you're completely in love with me, which by the way, You're not allowed to fall in love with me. Like, totally don't. I tell you guys all the time, but they do anyway. You know, there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm just irresistible. But anyway, I was thinking, like, would you want to come over for dinner and you can meet my mom? Like, no pressure, though, about it at all. She doesn't like anyone, by the way. But I have a feeling she'd really like you. She has a thing for hairy guys, and there's just something about him that she... Not that I think my mom would want to date. Like, her and my dad are on really good terms after the breakup.

Anyway, you finally do make your way. To the Paris wheel. Mikey's having PTSD. Matt Grico, Mikey. Her mom! She eventually make your way there. She pulls out a special ticket of some sort, and she hands it to the pixie that is running the ride,

and they do not ask for a ticket punch. It seems to be covered by the fact. that she tactically works here at the carnival. Torbeck was going to offer an extra punch for Rihanna. Oh, you just so sweet. God, he's in love already. I told you not to. God.

Torbeck is just being nice. You know what they say. Nice equals love. Okay, we're going to get in. Oh, who says that? Watch her. As she leans over to the pixie running the ride, Make sure you stop it at the top for a while.

I think we're going to want to look all over the Pixie Kingdom and hold hands. Is this the Ferris wheel bucket, open air or is it closed like a gondola? It's open air. Thank God. What it is, is you can see that it is these gnarled, twisted branches that form the actual shape. And then there are these vines that twist around it. and there are these almost like tulip cup baskets that you're sitting in.

Sounds good. I'll follow her onto the ride. You get onto the ride. And try to be kind and like to help her onto the ride. It slowly starts to move. And you can tell that it's moving much more slowly than it should be. Even children are complaining with how slow that it's moving.

You can see that she occasionally winks down at the pixie running it. So why don't you tell me about you a lot? and where you come from. The last person Torbeck told about his life. Now, let's just say he's not around anymore. Oh, that's

so horrible. I'm so sorry you don't have anyone, but it's okay, baby, you have me now. Oh, no. You don't need anyone but me, you know? Who even needs Guys Night? Isn't the point of Guy's Night is to find hot chicks anyway, and you found one, so just dump

those guys? No, I mean, we have probably 20 minutes. together based on the speed of the ride, and then Torbeck has to get back to what he was doing. I mean, we'll see how you feel by the time the ride's over, baby, but I gotta say this has been one of the most magical nights of my life. I can't wait to tell my sister and my cousin and my three brothers. Oh my God, my three brothers are huge. You just wait until you meet them. They can, they power lift, you know? And they're super protective because I'm the baby sister. Oh, okay, well, are they as tall as Dormac used to be?

Oh my gosh, sometimes they'll use their magic to make themselves even taller. At one point, they were gods in the autumn core. They were 15 feet tall. That is unironically horrifying. Um, listen, this is going really well. But how are you even able to stand the smell of D'Rbeck right now? I'm gagging myself. Oh, you know, when you're this small, you're really close to the grass and the smell of urine is everywhere all the time.

People take their dogs all over the place and they don't clean up after them, so it's just the thing. That's another horrifying fact that Thorbeck has never thought about. So what, do you want to have kids and how many? Are you thinking one, two, three, maybe, ten? Well, honestly, John, do you think it's kids? John, do you think it's too young to get married? Thorbeck is mentally... Do you believe and love it for sight?

No, not really. How do you feel about soulmates? Thorbeck has mentally been... Do you think you can have more than one, or is it just like one soulmate forever? And how do you know when you've met them? Is it like an instantaneous revelation, do you think? This is too many questions for Thorbeck.

Oh, I'm... Thorbeck is getting overwhelmed. It's only halfway. This point that you three make your way to the ticket, man. What a dude? Name is criminal of the cruel of unicorns, three tickets, please. And you notice that it is a different person

that's here this time. It is a small female gnome. Oh, what I said. My same breathing. My same breathing, ma'am, miss lady. All right. Um, that's gonna be, you said you want three tickets. Three tickets, please.

That's one, two, three. What's three times, three times three? Is that, that's nine? Yeah. Check me on this. Yeah, I believe that's nine gold pieces. Yeah, nine gold pieces then. We didn't hire a shi-god to do this for a big.

We still want out of mess. That's true. I've never been very good at mass. Well, just three, nine gold pieces, right? Yeah, or you could, you know, give up something. Do you want to get taken for free? I'm not doing that. We remember that Grico, you were holding the money the whole time.

Well, I'm just saying you have the option to do either. You don't have to give up gold pieces if you'd rather, you know, make some kind of pact. No, I'm saying Grico was holding on to 500 gold pieces. Oh, have I? We totally forgot about it when we came in and to get this ticket. I got a, I just love unicorns now. And, uh, uh. All right, well, it'll be nine gold pieces then.

Where's the goal, Grego? Oh, I mean, for the gold pieces, how much in that way? That was a lot. Oh, no, it's a lot. It's a lot. Do you realize that you had strapped some of your packs and pouches to Hootsie?

Oh, no. Brutal. Grico, look, I get that you like a good joke. I like a good joke, girl. You're a silly little jester fella. I get me. That's not the time, all right? And we mean just nine gold pieces.

That's not that much. Well, do you remember the pig? Remember the pig? Oh, that big. Oh, that big, yeah. And remember that gross little frog? That was probably the one with scamper fun. Remember the frog?

I don't think we actually never even saw the frog. Oh, I told you about, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're really creepy. goes, girl. With like the moon face. Yeah, when they took Hootie dear, uh, uh, uh, Hootie wasn't, she was along with the pumpkin. I was like, oh my arms are tired and me back, so can you help you out?

Hucci and I kind of gave her all my stuff. So the pig. The pig, too got gold. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Five, five, five, five, five, five, and the pig has it. Yeah. Are you telling me we're completely broke again? Oh, I'm.

I don't have any go. Do you know how heavy, Gideon? I, I am literally a tiny fraction of your entire mass, and I have the heavy coins. Why don't you just hand the coins to me? Why didn't you think of it, Gideon? Why didn't you say, oh, Grillo, you look like you're struggling there,

little fellow like your eyes. Oh, and look at this little green guy's and you're weirdos. Yeah, because I was weird. You're not wearing your arms and doing weird things. and then sometimes Hootty's dancing and you're making weird goblin noises and how am I supposed to know if you're struggling well you always look the same well you know Gideon I'm sorry okay I lost a goal but giving Gideon and I are you because I didn't have any gold but apparently I'm dead you did you're laughing the gobees and Houthi went and took the and she has the gold and then the pig came and took Hootsey so I don't have any go And look, normally this wouldn't be an issue. It's nine gold pieces. Gid and I could rob nine gold in about half a second. We can't. I mean, look at this pamphlet. Hmm. So we gotta, we gotta go make more Phae-pax.

Wait, was that the rule of equal or lesser value? I don't remember. It's like the rule of not stealing from people in their own home or something like that. You can't steal in the Fay Wild, all right? I'm a little out of my depth, okay? You're right. Maybe I, do you think gambling's allowed? I mean, do they have any, any games or chance? I mean, we could all, we could do the free card money, good. What do you think?

Yeah, I mean, I think they'd go for it. Yeah, I mean, we go back to the cake station. I can just run that old show back. Just bet on me. I mean, but someone has to bet against me. No, yeah, nobody would do that. Wow. You have to, you get the cake chag shirt.

And usually once you win, they don't let you do it again, right? It's already starting to get faded from our stretched out. it is on my goodness but you know at least on the on the other hand the silver lining is it looks like Gideon is having a nice conversation over there with the pixie lady maybe she's not as uh as much of bad news as our fault Gideon wait I mean Zulbeck I mean Tollbeck what's his name again Thorpeg oh Zorbeck yeah no I can hear everything to say he's miserable Oh yeah oh no he's terribly miserable is that you got

Yeah, yeah, no, everything sounds a little bit like you guys are shouting. I'm kind of like we've ever seen Superman. I'm in that phase where he's getting all his powers, but he hasn't learned how to control him all yet. So everything is just horrible and disorienting. What? Yeah. Well, you know, something like that.

Did someone, that's the dumbest thing I'll ever hear. Oh, I'm going to come up with a guy at your super. I'm going to call him Superman. What an idiot. Yeah. Oh, um, creative, yeah. There's a little and creative.

Um, all right. It's like Torback is gonna get seven minutes in heaven. God they wish that was me. There's no way he lasts seven minutes. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry, I'm gonna say, I'm just gonna come out and say it, Cremie. I know, I've lost a lot of gold. Yeah.

I've lost a lot of gold. A lot of gold, yes. I mean, just in all time knowing each other, there's probably a couple thousand here and there. But what is a couple thousand gold pieces between friends and the best of lads on God's night of old nights? Okay? Look, I'm out of punches.

I know you each have a punch. I got one punch. I need a ticket. We need like 10 more punches, at least. At least. At least. All right, look. Let me talk to the gnome lady,

and I'll see what we can do here. Sorry about that. My friends just needed to, I just had some business to discuss. Uh, so other than gold, you said, uh, something to trade? What was the other option? I'm trying to remember, I almost started doing the pixie. Yeah, fuck, I was gonna turn again. Yeah, yeah. You know, you know, I told me.

I don't even remember how to do another accent now. Because a couple of times like this. She was more of a southery situation. Yeah, I just had to get back into it. Thank you. I like that accent. Yes, ma'am. Yeah, you can do, we can do a FAPT is the easiest way to do it. It's one not only, you only have to keep it up until the crowning of the witchlight monarch, and then it goes away, so it's really no harm, no foul.

They're fairly harmless, you know. No, two damaging. You just like that little charming pumpkin balancing act. All that who she did. I'll still have her pumpkin. Such a kind of like that. What is unicorn thing? Oh, to that fact that I love unicorn.

But I mean, you know, in the moment, I do love unicorns. It's kind of weird. It's like no skin off my bag. You always love unicorns? I mean, I don't think so. But in the world, to make a fake pack, please. Is I'll have games I'd like to play, Miss Lady. Oh, yeah, absolutely okay.

And she shakes your hand. I need you to roll a D8. I don't want to engage in a horrible fade pack, but I don't want to stop playing. in games. You can no longer talk about your favorite thing. What are we doing? What? What? I'll just suddenly, I'll feel like a whole bunch of worries

Connor was lifted from me. Oh, you're not worried about it. It feels really good, like some sort of weight to lift it off of my bag. Hey on a second, I'm like a little bit of what he's at. Oh, yeah, get it. Get yourself a little bit of a little bit of his face. Good. We can make a pact. Oh, yeah. Okay.

All right, go ahead and roll day eight. She doesn't see that. Did not I die? I can't think. Three. Two. Two. All right.

Well, look at your little tiny wings and that cute shirt. I think you're going to need one of these and she hands you a flower crown that you have to place upon your hat. You must wear this flower crown, but you have to water it every hour. cannot take it off. Well, don't mind if I do. I think this really brings out the

the peacock feathers I have right now. Oh, it actually matches. Go on to shock me the colors like all the same, yeah. When we started, guys night,

I didn't realize this is where it was going to end up, but I shouldn't have wasted it because it was in the feeling. That's exactly where it did the last time,

you know what I mean? Oh, it's just jokes. It's just jokes. All right, beautiful flower craze. Is that like a third option? And here you go? Like an oven,

oven, oven of a fay pack, when we like bottle or something valuable could we make a trade well I don't do you have some valuable to trade I guess um I have a realistic silicone gore makeup that's pretty cool are you talking about what you're wearing currently those hefty butonka don't yeah I mean this whole silicone breastplate that's right you had been sweating into that for god knows how long I'm glinged up real good. I know that you were wrestling those goblins earlier.

I could hear it from here. I don't think there's value in what you're wearing. On top of that, it has stamped on your side boop that it is property of the Witchlight Carnival. So are you trying to gamble the property of the Witchlight Carnival with the Witchlight Carnival to be able to get yourself a ticket? I'm just offering you a, you know, a feel if you want to try them out, you know. They can't have them. It's the experience of the thing. I'll just make a fay pack.

Let's just get it over with. I mean, if you have something valuable that belongs to you. Don't you agree with you to make a pack? I can't even like probably have a store anything. I don't have any of possessions left. Oh, something's what I'm wearing. I'm feeling good. Gideon's looking good.

Oh, man. I always got to get some water, by the way. We got to find that. All right. Oh, my crumbus. Let's shake on it. All right. Roll a d-8 for me, and then please pass this down to Crima.

Cremma. Cromer. Remy. A one. You cannot tell a lie knowingly. Wow. Oh, no. How did it feel?

Holy shit. I feel like a darkness has just overcome me. I like all of my thoughts are locked in a cage. Like if I express myself the way I want to. It won't come out. Why, you what? Why being so forthright with your emotions? Yeah.

You seem a little bit more unhinged than usual. This is not good, Pricko. You understand? Of course not good. Who having a lovely torment of carnival? God's not, crummy. It's definition of good. I mean, it could be better.

I mean, it... Wow. It could be better. No, that's not what I meant to say. I meant to say it's... Medioka. No, David! Kermi!

No, no, no, no. Guys, not. It's guys not. It's not. You can't beat these memories with a damn stick. No, when I say mediocre, what I really mean is that it's the best carnival night in the Faye Wilde with the five of us on this specific night that I've ever had. And the worst. Five.

Yeah. I have to do this. Cremie, I'm sorry for what I'm about. to do with carnival crew which bared your monica and you being the primary founder was it a shitty carnival yes or no what do i say what do you say i mean what do you say i mean that's it that's your namesake both it from the grounds up you know what you say i mean you know it depends on the definition you said no what yes or no question can you repeat the question was carnival the crew a shitty carnival, yes or no, especially when compared to the witchlock carnival, which is quite magical and free.

I mean, I don't know. François did a pretty good job cleaning the shit off the ground, so in the literal sense, you know, it was only mediocrely shitty. You know what I mean? Yes or no, Grumby. Yes or no. I don't understand what's happening. It was definitely not... Not shitty. No.

Okay. I thought the criminal wasn't able to live. Never one, let's carry on. You know, I was hoping he wouldn't understand double negative. No, it's good. Let's go ahead. A double one? No, no.

As we're walking away, uh... Gideon. Oh, no. Oh, God. The herring thing still, huh? Check your back left pocket. Oh, oh.

Get your hand out of there. Okay, I've done it. What are I expected to find? The whole that you have. That I paid you in last session. Hey, guys, I think we're going to laugh about this later. Oh, maybe what. Oh, it is gosh not.

You know, I just, you know, um, Remember when I forgave you for losing all the gold, Grico? Did you? I feel like it was a very mean thing, mean, I didn't say anything. I started off in a kind of a mean spirit of way, but I forgave you eventually. I was very thoughtful and generous of you on God's night. Yeah, well, you know, per the hearing thing, as I was walking around, you know, I swam from side to side, and there was a kind of a classic jingle, which I just kind of always throw as my chains. But, well, I double checked.

And it turns out all the gold's in my back left pocket. So, wait, all the gold? Yeah, yeah, no, all the gold. Yeah, so we're fake-curd. You're fucking kidding me, right? Like, this is a fucking sick joke, right? Here's the upside, here's the upside, okay? We ain't losing on gold, all right?

Hey, so we're just a little closer. Hey, we save some money, Crumby. Yeah, you know, you like saving money. I mean, I'm not comfortable with the fake pact it all made. Yeah, and my crowd is better. I don't know what exactly it was. My crammy can still tell knowledge, apparently. Finally.

All right, you fucking proved to me. Show me the fucking gold right now. You better be fucking kidding me. No, I'm not kidding you. I mean, I could do both again. No, here's the, here's some of it. I mean, I can put 500 gold pieces in my hands. That's a big hand.

That's a lot of gold pieces in my hand, yeah. Yeah. That could cover three tickets, no problem. Oh yeah, probably even four or five, man. Probably could have bought them out. It's gonna be long four hours, fellas. It's gonna be a long four hours. And as this happens,

happens. You're looking out over the Pixie Kingdom. It's this beautiful, magical scene. It's actually shrouded by these really small oak trees and cherry blossom trees and these elf trees that you've never seen before are the barks of a beautiful lilac purple and flowers that are blooming in blues and pinks. And it is quite magical. But you can't really enjoy it. As in your ear you hear, And I can't wait for you to meet cousins, Stephanie, because she is just one of my greatest cousins. She's a heavy smoker, so sometimes she's kind of hard to understand. And occasionally, she hacks a lot, and if you're too close, you might get hit. But it's fine, because she doesn't mean it.

Oh, my gosh, you know, I think that you'd really, really, really get along with my uncle weido. Has this rhyme permanently stuck? I'll like try to like wiggle back and forth to see how I can get the rider move. Roll a... I mean, I'm just the tiny pigs. It's fine. Thorback is your dead for it. Just roll the D20.

Okay. Thorback will do it. I'm talking back roll of four. It creaks, but it doesn't, it just kind of rocks a little bit. She goes, oh, are you starting to feel a little? Yeah, she starts to rub along your arm. I stick my head out the side of the bucket. Excuse me!

Ride operator! Zormec would light to come down now. Please. He looks up for a second, and he looks to you, and then he looks to her, and she goes, and he looks back down and does not activate the Ferris wheel. All right, Rihanna. What the Sormac has to do to return the Norese.

Normal. Why do you want to return the normal for? Kremi was the most honest person I'd ever met. He can't tell lies. And he just, he told me specifically that you missed me and that you're not happy in your current relationship and that we had something special. But the only problem was the fact that you was too big for me. Well, we... Is that true or is it not? Did you lie to your friends? There's a lot to unpack here. Mostly that Torbeck never said any of those things to Mr. Crummy. And second of all, well, like I... I feel like somebody's lying to be here, Thorbeck. But I do know. Yep, yep, Thorbeck understands the pain. And I wasn't hurting it to me.

Oh boy. Dormac would do anything for the earth to swallow. to swallow him home right now. Here's a thing, Rihanna. I see, Rihanna. It's not even my name. It's Rihada. Rihada.

Somebody is definitely lying. My favorite artist. Oh, well, there's, there's, no. We're legally distinct from each other. I was gonna say we have that in common, but we don't. Um, well, Well, I want... Love me.

Well, no. So what? Me this whole time. I was trying to make an up to you for sending you all the way to the north. Tormec doesn't even know where the north is. Listen, you didn't show up was you didn't know how to get there, baby? No. Thurbeck is trying to explain the concept of a red herring.

What does this have to do with the fish? Oh, for our anniversary, you wanted to know if I like fish, so you could take me out for a nice fish dinner? I mean, I was thinking about going vegetarian, but I had a cheeseburger earlier. Does that count? Thorbeck really can't stand this smell any longer. It just wants to fix this. So you want to get married then? No, no, no, no.

Dormac is far too young to be tied down. You start to feel the ride moving. Oh, I guess our time at the top is over. Oh, well, we'll always have the witch-like carnival. Yeah, I guess. And just, you know, it sucks when two star-cross lovers just can't make it work because of, you know, the circumstances of their births and stuff. It's like, it's like nomio and goblinette. Yes.

Well, you know, things happen and we'll always have the memories. Yeah, it's like my favorite song from Fallout Boy. Thanks for the memories. Oh, well, maybe I'll remember that. Thornton back will remember it fondly. I keep checking over the edge to see how close to the ground we are. It's still moving very slowly. You think you're going to go back to your ex.

Well... Are you going to tell her about me? Clementine is not really an ex. I mean, she still exists and she's still at home, and she's still very, very real to Thorbeck. And no, no, Thorbeck will not tell Clementine about Brianna. That's probably for the best. I think that it would really destroy her to know about the best.

passionate love we experience at the top of the pixie carousel. Yes, yes. Torbeck agrees. See, I can't even think I'm so overwhelmed with affection. Well, just remember when things are tough, you can always just remember the goblin piss smell and think of Torbeck. Yeah, I know that you're doing this because you believe that it's what's best for me, but it's really, it's hard.

Yeah, if Thorbeck is love. learn that life is hard. Well, it looks like the rides come to an end. Thank you for a lovely and certainly not at all hostage-like situation. Do you think before we go I could get a goodbye kiss? Oh, if Thorbeck does that, will you return Thorbeck to his normal height? Yeah.

Okay. But only if you want it. want it. You wouldn't lie to me, would you Thorbeck? You're not doing it out of pity. Thorbeck just needs to make sure exactly what you're saying. Thorbeck does very much want to be Thorbeck again. Okay, that's all I needed to know that you wanted it. Okay. And she goes in and she plans it, she wants a kiss on your lip.

Oh, God. It's really awful. awful. My mouth is, Torbeck's mouth is like wide-o-and- he doesn't like know how to like pucker up. He's got these teeth going everywhere. Smok like gobbling piss. Your teeth slamming to yours. There's lots of drool, like, it's wet. She's like completely covered in your saliva. The fur around my mouth is damp. God. Wow. What is good for you as it was for Torbeck?

Like the nicest way possible? Yeah. It's not me. It's you. I don't think this is gonna work anymore. What? Yeah. I just feel like you might be a little too inexperience for a gal like me. Thorbeck has experience. I feel like, I'm not sure on who, though.

Are you saying you don't, you are interested in Thorpec anymore? No, that was the worst kiss I've ever had in my entire life. Is it too late to go back to the top of? of the very good? This is gonna work out between us. Oh, no. Come on, let's get you in the middle of that field and I'll turn you back into your old self.

I think staying at this height is just gonna be too difficult on you. I'm really sorry it didn't work out, buddy though. Oh, okay. Yeah, God, you smell awful. And she's gonna... A single tear starts to well up in Dorebeck's corner of his eye. Just well up. A little bit.

She's going to fix you with pixie dust. You feel your teeth go back to normal. The goblin piss dissipates and you return to your normal height. And you look down to wave goodbye, but you see that she has already disappeared. Oh, torn back is back to his normal self. Sadness and awe. That got a really real person. This podcast is brought to you by our page.

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you are now between the line of the the Carnival game stalls and Pixie Kingdom and you are standing there in your full your full outfit no longer have the buck teeth, you no longer have the urine smell, and Riyadh is nowhere to be seen. All right, I think you're going to have to do the talking, all right? With who? With whom? With anybody? I mean, I suspectfully told me.

I shouldn't say damn what's him. Don't let Gideon. He's terrible with these words. First of all. All due to talking. Nobody can understand words you're saying sometimes. I'm very oddigical. What? What?

What? Are you talking about, what? Are you speaking goblin right now? I can't tell when you swap in between my way. You got me so turned around. I'm sorry. Right, I'm just seep in the goblins. You know what happened.

You did it to me. I started shouting. Oh, I look at his towback. He's looking a little bit chipperer than he normally does. Oh, Tomlin' well. He must have gone well. Oh, don't you worry? I caught every single word.

Oh, you're all salted dog. I'm going to do you. Oh, no. Gideon, you heard all of that? Yes, sir. I heard you say, oh, I'm too big for you and I'm seven feet tall. Oh, awesome. And then there was a lot of crying, presumably from you, which I just thought that was your style.

No, Tormack doesn't cry. Tormack is a big bug bear. No, there's definitely a lot of crying. It was hard to listen to you sometimes. Are you sure? Are you sure? That's not watching cry. wasn't Rihata?

No, no, it was you. It was you. I knew once you got on that run. Her name was Ricardo? No, Riyada. But don't ask Tormec to spell it. You can spell? Well, that's, no.

I mean, that's exactly right. Unfortunately, when Tormec tried to learn to read Frost taught Torbeck all the wrong letters, it really set Tormec several reading grades. You know, I was very surprised to learn that he did that. that he did not seem so out of character

for him. Yeah, well. I guess you just bring out the worse in people.

Oh, Mr. Crammy, you don't think Torbeck brings out the worse

in people, do you? Torbeck holds your opinion in very high of steam. Tormac's pretty low

right now and really needs opinion. It's just, it's been a long day. Well, Toerbeck,

you know, funny, you mentioned, Man, um, you know, when it comes, you, you're a fella, you know, you're just a guy. Oh, that's nice. You're a guy that we all know. Yeah, we all know you. We've known you for a while.

We know of him, right? We know of him, right? We know of him, right? We know of him, yeah. Um, what, my man, you know, what else could I say? He's a swell fellow, you know, I'll just, I'm just busting his bones. I'm just breaking his chops. I'm just pulling his legs.

I'm just yaking his chain. He's certainly a fella. That's right. Mr. Kramming. Is that Torbeck is a swell guy? Yeah. Well, I did, is that what you said? No.

Oh. No, I didn't. Oh. I said he was a guy. I said he was a guy. He's a fellow. He's a fellow. Yeah, we know of.

It's a guy that we know of it. You know what I mean? The guy that we know of that used to be employed. Yeah. By me. I mean, you know what? Torbeck, you know what? You were a former employee.

Of my. We were co-workers. Well, I wouldn't really think of a co-worker. I was your employer. Don't talk me with a co-workers. Oh, well, that's not how this works. Was there ever a time that maybe Mr. Cremie thought more of Torbeck, like potentially better than a co-worker?

Better than a co-worker. Lock the best fairest wheel clock. I'm gonna the carnival crews ever seen. Yeah, well, in the worst, he's the only one we've had. Well, no, a bunch of people fell off and that's called a pig, it'd become a farming system.

Oh, yeah, well, that night. Yeah, when Colin and besie all of our gold and we got ran out of town by the unpaid colonies, you were no longer my coworker, so yes, to, if you were anything different than a coworker. Tormick is getting very mixed messages. Why don't we go enjoy the pig's I love Unicorn, but I hope they have something bad.

Did you tell a little ricotta cheese to beat it? No, well, actually, Tormac was just trying to be nice to make up for the miss hap that happened earlier. But then when we got done the Ferris wheel ride, Rihanna wanted a kiss from Torbac, and Torbac was reluctant, but eventually gave in. Then after that, Rihanna A little snoots? Yeah, I knew it.

All of a sudden, Rihanna said she wasn't interested in Tormac, and the weirdest thing happened, Torbeck was suddenly interested in Rihanna. And then she laughed like everyone does. You know, Torek, I just want to say for a second there, I thought, I was going to be like, hey, look at this lad which is Sigma Grimeson. You're telling old ricotta cheese to make like a cup of ricotta and go cut it in the fridge

And then you'll just like But hey at least you got a little smooch out of it. It's not without a little pissy-kissor, you know? I'm gonna be sick Dormac was thrown away like an old used sock This is exactly what I told you not to do the topkin That is so fucking nasty and I hate you. I was drinking coffee at the time. I was glad he said sock.

And you know what, Torhammed? We haven't left yet. So not everyone leaves. I mean, we will leave at midnight. We'll leave you, you know, to go do other stuff. And I don't know, you'll defend for yourself. And I'm sure you to make it. But we'll be out of here.

But right now, in this moment, we haven't left. But at midnight, we have a grand adventure to go on that, frankly, you're not cut out. enjoy these moments about four hours left I don't be making four because they will not last only four hours

well if anything Torbeck is starting to think that Torbeck has depression well maybe you should talk to somebody about that not us though that's right what do you say

well you can talk to me about it No, I can't listen to this. We're out of carnival, we're trying to enjoy it. We went, we got tickets, let's go play some damn games. Oh yeah, I mean, honestly, I think that when you're feeling depressed, the best thing you can do is to push it all down and drown it with hedonistic frivol in there. Let's go! Yeah!

Got it! Oh, yeah, I know right, giggle water. And as you call out, or as you say this, you hear called out, Um, outstair the cyclops. Big winnings. Outstair the cyclops. Are you brave enough to stare into the single eye of a klops with only one? No, that's not how I'd went. Outstair the cyclops. The Maraud's girl was better. But yes, you're not to actually out to the cyclops. Oh, sorry, there are kids in the audience. Who wants to go outstair the cyclops?

are still gonna do. Yeah, I think we all give it a world. I think this is kind of Grico's thing. I am a very good staring contest, or staring contest with Hootsie. Yeah. All the time. All right, let's see what this fella's made of. Okay, fella. Oh, can you please punch more ticket? Oh, so you're going up to it? Yeah, we're all walking up to there.

You see what appears to be just a normal human man standing behind the, standing behind the barrier. Who can Outster the Cyclops. Off on God, Ken, how hard can it be? Well, can you punch your ticket? It's the last punch, does he take it? Yeah, he'll take the ticket from you. Okay, be careful, hold on to that,

and I know if your pig's gonna steal your daughter. So is mine gone? Yeah. You told us to rip it out, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm punching, I'm punching. He opens up a curtain to the side, and you make your way, all of you, make your way, of you make your way towards the back area where there is a large ring set up.

There are stands where people can sit to watch. And you see in the very center of this hunched down crouching is a gigantic cyclops with a beautiful blue eye. All of you are playing. Mm-hmm. Including you? Yeah. All right.

He ushers you all into the actual ring and he lined you up. Ricko, Kremi, Gideon. and then Torbeck, as this cyclops stares down at you, he's actually very beautiful, lustrous, dark hair, perfect skin, beautifully straight teeth, and one piercing giant blue eye. He's very ripped. He's about 15 feet tall.

By the way is the sock gloves? That stands to view. I know. Torbeck actually thinks that Torbeck might have a chance at this one. Torbeck hasn't met another humanoid that can maintain eye contact with Torbeck for more than three seconds. Oh, yeah. Torbeck, salt cloves are giants, not humanoids. Uh-oh.

I mean, if he can manage to look at you that long, the smell alone is like peeling paint off the wall. No, no, no, you forgot or misunderstood that lovely pixie removed the goblin piss smell from the Torbeck. Yeah, but I thought that was the magical one. What about just your normal smell? Aw. No, you're going to do great, Tulbeck, you know? You bring out the best in all of us. That's what I've said earlier, remember? You said one thing and Mr. Prammy said another. It doesn't mean, but I'm saying. Often could be staring at sidewalks, I don't know. Hush falls all over the crowd as you're firmly put into place.

The sidewalk moves towards the middle of the stage and you see, or the middle of the stage. The of the arena and you see towards the back on a pedestal a beautiful elven woman her hair looks like it's made of fire of flames and flowers she's very clearly a summer alladron as she calls out what do you do when the eye of the cyclops falls upon you you stare right back if you've got the stamina do they place your bets one two three or four you could win glory they could win more. Oh, we can bet on this.

And you realize very quickly that the crowd is placing bets. If you are able to win, whatever the crowd bet, the carnival pays you double. Oh, wait, say you? So let's say there are 100 people. 50 of them bet for Gideon. Two of them bet for Torback. Oh. 18 bet.

bet for Grico and then the rest bet for Kremi. If Gideon wins his round, instead of getting 50 gold pieces, he gets 100 gold pieces. So the carnival has to bet on him to win. No, the carnival, so. Who's the house? Huh? The house is the carnival.

So you, the people are betting to win money on their own, but the carnival is awarding you for winning. If you don't win, you get nothing. We don't bet anything. You don't bet anything. It's Fain-N-Sets. Don't worry about it. Yeah, it's Fain-on- That.

free. Yeah, it's free for you. You're not betting anything. Well, I didn't want to ask questions. I'm going to look at how a little legend. I am rolling D-100s to figure out how much the crowd is betting on each of you on your turns. Okay. Up first, we have Grico Grimgrim. Grim, he's moved to the front. It's Taxi Dummy. See my tail and ears? Scratch that. Taxi Deng. Swish, swish.

Swiss my tail switching back and forth. Okay, hello, Dan. The cyclops bears down on his knees and looks down at you and lets out a loud roar as he begins to stare. I need you to roll a Constitution check for me, please. Check or saving throw? Check. Oh, was it last time there was a little bit of Constitution.

I'm going to twist it, because we have a lot of. I need a D100 from you. 18. That's not bad. And then my D100, 94. Wow. Let's see what 94 is. One, two, three, four, five, six. Remember your numbers.

What? One, two, three, four, five, six. Two and five. Three and six. Two. No, that's more. You are enamored with Gideon. You think that Gideon is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

He is, you want him to bear your children. Oh. Classic Gideon. You're in love. No, I don't have any children right now. Because I forgot about my favorite thing. Do you get it? What are you saying?

I'm making conversation with sorority in the cyclops. You're in love and you stare into the cyclops into his eye. And you can't look away because it's not an eyeball that you're staring into, but Gideon is staring back at you and you realize that staring into this giant orb that you've been wrong about your feelings all along. It's Fifi Nix that has your heart. Gideon is the key to unlocking your soul. You need him.

You love him. Oh, baby, oh baby. and as you begin to salivate, your lips tremble as you think about your meat cute, the Cyclops twitches and blinks, and the crowd goes wild as you win. Good boy. 73 people bet on you for that round. And so you get whatever double that is in gold because I don't get out. $146.

You also get to roll on the... prize table. Oh, is that a D8? A D8, please. How much was that for me? 146, I believe. 146. 4 on the D8. Keep track of the gold. Oh, yeah, yeah. Keep track of it. Keep track of it. You are presented with a bottle of witch-light wine. While the bottle is uncorked, it plays calliope music until the bottle is emptied of wine. That's fun. Oh, thank you. Oh, Gideon. Do you see what I have this is wrong? Yeah, but I don't know something.

Make a good workout, no, thanks go. Thank you, you get in. Have you ever been, have you always been so symmetrical? Yeah, more or less. Yeah. I feel like we should pop this, this bottle of wine for some romantic music.

Bannan, me, ma'a, me, ma'a, meh, ma'a, meh, oh, yeah, man, man, oh, can I just get this, go, where's the cold guy? I mean, I guess we could all enjoy that wine. Yeah, it was good. Oh, that was music to my ear. Congratulations to Tax E. Downey. Next to the stage, we have Stiletta.

Oh, I'm up. All right. Good luck, Mr. Crammy. I'm your biggest fan. What a do, fellow. The name's Cremble to Crue. I'm great at staring contests, and I love unicorns.

Don't do this. Once again, the Cyclops hunkers down and begins to stare directly into your eyes. I need you to roll a constitution check. That is a just straight constitution? 15. Twister dread. Ooh, dreaded. 14.

You have more. No, you fail. Oh. No, you fail. You stare into the eye of the cyclops. It is unblinking. It is endless. It is bottomless.

It is an abyss. And as you look into the iris of this entity, you begin to see all the lies that are swirling around in your head, but your mouth can't utter them. You start to breathe heavily. You start to panic as your chest gets tighter, and you realize there will be no cons. Your friends are going to know what you really think about them.

They're going to realize all the money you embezzled and then lost from the carnival. It wasn't, I mean it was all Collins fall, I swear. Gideon's finally going to know that you've been using him all along. That's not true. Thank you. And you start to panic. And as you do, you blink. The crowd goes wild.

Do I get a sense like I'm about to blink and would I be able to cast a spell in reaction or no? Would you be able to cast what? A spell. In reaction. Sure, yeah. So I'll be panicking. Would you count me bleak already?

I want to cast suggestion on him. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. What do you ask you roll? We'll say I think at 16 or 15. I rolled a natural one. Damn. You feel your eyes about to close

and any moment of panic. You summon the magics within you. You cast suggestion. I'm going to roll to see if anybody notices. You're lucky fuck. Um, nobody seems to notice as you, as the magic booms out from you. And without even a second's hesitation, both of your eyes begin to close, but the Scycops'clobs' eyes closes just a second before yours, and then yours follow.

A hush falls over the crowd. As it's almost palpable, the tension, as you can hear everyone's collective hearts beating as they wait for the results, as finally you hear. And the winner is. Stiletta. Stere total out. Oh, you got it, fellas.

29 people bet on you. Oh. Oh, you get a little faith. That's it? I'll fucking take it. 58. That's correct. Next up to the stage is

Feefei Nix. I will have scampered up to Gideon's back and I'll be giving a nice shoulder of. Uh-huh. Oh. I mean,

I'm just a little gosh knot in a sudden. Yeah, I mean, this feels kind of nice. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you got little hands. You know, they say about little hands there. You're getting in those knots. I mean, you've done this before. Is this one happens when you're more than just coworkers?

Oh, yeah, exactly right. Tweryke wants to be more than just coworkers. Oh, sorry. Maybe someday. Your muscles are a little, not as symmetrical as Gideon's. Are you trying to see you want to get one of us a massage? Well, if that's what it takes, Stormay's pretty desperate. All right.

That's okay, Tallbeck, you'll find someone for you. Oh. You can I say that my raucous romantic colloquy music just has me in the mood. Oh, what? In the move for what? This guy's not fun. Little guys not massage. Okay, all right.

I'd stay there. You don't think of a lot here. Oh, hey, no, okay, yeah, no, oh, oh, my head's all right. My head's live. Oh, gosh. You and the clown. No personal space anymore. Oh, no, you know, well, yeah, no personal space.

All right, I'll take the center. You take the center, and once again, this beautiful, this beautiful Cyclops bears down on you. Grico, you watch the Cyclops stares what appears to you longingly into Gideon's eyes. Because they make eye contact, you are feeling the, you are feeling the, you. the first tingees of jealousy. He's not that tall. Because I'm not that beautiful. I mean, it's kind of like the deepest

cerulean tropical waters you could imagine, but it's still kind of ugly. He's still gross cyclops. He's the longest, most beautiful, curled eyelashes. How's like it's so cool anyway. I think it's a little trolling a little too, he's a little, you know, almost a little off-boarding,

you know what I mean? The bow tie he's wearing is perfectly pressed. Oh, I just got a stupid, but I bet he goes down with a single meatball press. You know what I mean? And with that, I need you to roll a Constitution check. All right, before I lock in with the Cyclops,

I'd just like to try and lock eyes with the elf running the shirt for a little bit, and just shoot her a quick wink. Before I... Roll a... Roll a... Roll a... Roll whatever you want, baby.

Roll a performance check. Okay, cut. Fourteen, three. Great. Are you going to lock eyes with the cyclops? In a second, yeah. I'll do, well, when I should have wink. At the elf, then the lock eyes with the cyclops. I'm gonna roll the 14.

14. You see a smile, grace her face, and you hear in your head, good luck, Fee Phoenix. Frost, is that you? No, but I'm here. Don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't. Don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, you better not blink.

Oh, you'd be such a shame to make a fool out of yourself in front of that thupole of lads red. Oh, you better not blink in. And all the wild that chuckles is saddeness. I'm just helping you. I'm just like mudd and I'm in your head, idiot, not in your e-hoo. You're in my ears. I am here forever. You tell you miss me.

You're not home in me right now, okay? I'm here forever. I can hear forever. You're not in my head. You're coming in my head. me into my ears, that you already understand. You're just tone and dead. I am in fun and I hate you a reason.

And I hate you. I am a joke, but I wish it was murder. I wish it was murder. All the while, you can hear the dulcet tones of the Elk. Is she is saying something which sounds really important to you, something about maybe meeting her out back for a cookie or something. But you couldn't catch the details through Chuckles' constant. of you as you stare into the eye of the Cyclops and I need you to roll a disadvantage.

Oh, Blink, get in. You will join us. You will be our eighth clown lord. The eight. Just not just just the con. Just plus the con. Con save? No, it's just a con check. You have twists. All right, I'll twist it. Roll a D-100 point in place. Oh, that's wrong. God. Oh, there's something twisted. I don't want to twist it so hard. He all throws for a man. This one's fine.

The betting finishes as you are screaming out into the arena. All people can hear is this one-sided conversation as you're talking about wishing it weren't manslaughter, it was murder. Everyone just listening to you scream out. I lost it. We were reenacting a play. We had to do in this weird maze we got lost in. What did you get?

It was about murder. I got a 41 for my 100 and on my twisted, well my lowest of the two after I twisted would have been a 20 for con. Okay, so you've got a 20. I got 41 for the... Yeah, yeah, I'm looking it up right now, sorry. Don't blink it in. This is so funny. Your eyes turn into the eyes of the person you're looking at.

Is it the first person who constantly changes he looks at people? I'm going to say for the sake of this, you begin to stare into the eye of this cycloc. As your eyes slowly move together and form one single eye. Oh God, it's sonic the hedgehogs. It turns into a beautiful cerulean blue. I don't have two beautiful cerulean with the eyelashes. You have one beautiful cerulean blue eye. Can you notice this?

He hasn't turned around yet. As you stare into the eyes, eye of the Cyclops. You can see that the look on the Cyclops' face is changing as he's watching your eyes slowly drift towards the center of your face and merge in real time. And he looks panicked as he blinks and immediately the crowd erupts and cheers as you win and you turn around to celebrate. And you hear shrieks and screams as everyone sees. What the fuck? What?

Get everybody. It's all right. Idion. What happened? Well, I'll beat him. Good luck. Did you do that? Hey.

Do what? Look! And I'm going to put my compact and flip it up and show you what you look like. Oh. What? I don't want to. I have the weirdest boon right now. What is the matter with you?

This doesn't change anything. I got to, give me one second. I got to shoot my shot really quick. Can the opportunity go by. one eye or two. You know, I mean, but you just never know. So,

I'm like to run up to the elf chick real quick. She looks down at you and she were coils a little. Yeah. Uh, you wink.

Yeah. I thought you were ugly beforehand. Okay. Congratulations. I'm really embarrassing if you humiliated yourself right now.

Good thing you're so good with the ladies. Right. It'd be embarrassing if you can humiliate yourself. but you're dead so you can't. I'm sorry, what? Oh, I'm sorry.

I just want to let you know that I... What about me? Yeah, I can't believe how ugly you are, I'm way more attractive than you are. Are you listening to me right now? No, I'm listening to you. I want to come up here. Why didn't you paying attention to a word?

You're always so bad at you listening. You never listen, Gidea. I noticed you noticing me, and I just wanted to put you on notice. That's the best you have. I noticed you too. I'm sorry, what are you saying? Would you like to water my crown? Did you not hear what I said?

Were you not listening? No, I was listening. Well, what did I say to you before you started... Oh, no, I didn't know, I can't... Um, you mean, wait, before... She was saying, honk, honk. Yes, right after you wait. And I sent you ascending.

Yeah, you said, oh good luck. I super chatted you. Yeah, you said, Oh, good luck out there, big boy. And then I said, Meet me where in the north. What? What?

I'm sure, you said, meet me in the north for a little bit of some quick action. I assume you wanted a watermarked. I can't believe that you think I'm a girl like that. Well, I just, you know, from the heat, from the flame thing. You see the, like, fire kind of sparks in her eyes for a second? Yeah, yeah, I'm with it. Let's heat it up, girl.

I need you to roll a persuasion check, actually. Exactly what I'm talking about. No. I got a natural line. Catch them on a bad day, guys gentlemen. Catch them on a bad day. One eye, clown,

haunting you every move. Best found, best man of torque bags, smelling like, I'm a fist. No, that's not a thing anymore. I'm a I rolled a 10.

I roll the natural dread it. I just, I oh, I could. But you know, I don't think this is worth a dread and I regretting the other thing that I dreaded. Sometimes you just got to overcome all right.

Sometimes you just have to let the dice fall how they may. That's true. Well, you are quite fiery yourself. Yeah. That one eye does look good on you. Your lashes are so

voluminous. I noticed they have a little bit of a curl to them. Thank you for noticing as well. Yes, maybe it's maybe you're born with it. Maybe you're Gideon. Oh, you knew my name from before.

I guess you called it out in a part of the announcement of everything. Do I make you nervous? Yeah, a little bit. Have you ever been around in a lageron before? I just, you know, I see a, you know, fancy young lady like yourself as pretty as can be. Heeding up the way you are and you know,

I just wanna see what happens when two flames collide. You see that some of the petals in her hair begin to start falling down and they're like igniting into like flashes of ember. Her eyes are like this burning red as she's staring at you. You can see that her cheeks are very pink as she blushes. Well, after this round, I'll be done for the evening.

If you'd like to, spend some time in the big top extravaganza and I seat towards the very back in the shadows. Oh, that's my favorite spot. Lovely. I'll meet you at the gates then. I'll see you there. Well, I guess she has the thing for ugly guys. You know, you're the best wing man I ever did have. Who? Um, I'll see you at the big top of extravaganza. Yes. I'll see you there.

Yeah. I'll see you there. I won't. Sure. by I get in. So long. Why do you girls always go for bad boy? Nighting I finish laugh. I don't know the answer, but I will

reap the reward. I'm sorry, what are you saying? No, I walk away. You can hear me. I'm an alladron. I have really great hearing. Oh, damn it. Oh, so do I. We can actually talk from across the plane. I can hear everything. Well, who's next? I believe it's Torlbster.

Yes. Well, Giddy, I don't think that's really. Lastly, we have, oh, Corte, what was his? Bidacious tits? Oh, Torbac will take it. As you are walking back, Torbeck will have watched everything that unfolded, but unable to hear what the exchange was. As you approach him, Torbeck will put a hand in your shoulder and say,

Well, Giddy. And you tried with the nice lady. Let pickup artist Torbeck pick this one up. And I'll just pat him on the shoulder. And as I walk towards the cyclops, I'll look to the Eladron. And just like Gideon, I'll wink. But I'll also shoot a finger gun. I say, how's it going?

Hot stuff. Oh, now that's a real, Chad. As I elbow your knee and guess guide of him. on you. Oh no. You got a D4, right? A persuasion check. D4, yeah.

Can I steal a D4? Oh, yeah, of course. I use my Miami Dice D4. And what is the check? Persuasion. Oh, I know where my sharp boy is. Well, I'm sure Torbeck is not good at that. Oh, boy.

Torbeck rolled a natural twatty. And got a plus three from the D4, making it a 24. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Okay. Well, with her nine, I think that you might actually. Okay. She looks confused for a second.

You can see the flowery petals burning like embers, falling from her hair and then extinguishing. She is her skin is pink and flushed as she had been looking at Gideon, but she turns to you and there's something about the way that you wink, the way that the eye crusties keep your eye stuck together just a little too long before it pops back open. The way that when you finger gun, both of your fingernails are completely like filled with gunk beneath them. They clearly haven't been cleaned out for a while. And normally she'd be incredibly repulsed.

But there's something charming about the way you, and she smiles. She catches herself smiles. And then she seems a little bit confused. But you hear in your head, God, I hope you're worth this super chat. Good luck.

Torbeck has that effect on the ladies. Come see me if you win. He's in an established relationship with Clementine, so... What's that I smell? I don't think it's the goblin pit. Is that love in the air? And I will sit down in front of the Cyclops and lock eye with it. I need you to roll a constitution check

As the, the cyclones at this point seems very confused. Before he locks eyes with you, he's looking back and forth between the Eladron and Thorbeck, the Eladron. Well, I guess he's Torbeck again. The Eladric and Torbeck, the Eladron and Gideon, Gricco and Gideon, Gricco and Gideon, just Gideon, with his now one eye and talking to seemingly nobody. All the while, Kremi is just muttering to himself, looking like he's in a perpetual. state of panic over his inability to lie to anyone and that everyone is going to know the truth. But he eventually centers himself and begins to stare into your eyes. Oh, that eye is so piercing. I hope you can't see Torbeck's horrifying secret birth

mark. Torbeck feels naked. What did you roll? A natural toy. Chess X curse what? Torbeck Superchat. Stand beside non-believers. Even a broken clock is right twice in me. Something about a blinds.

Oh, it's the best gosh, no, I have to. You watch as the fly clock stares into your soul and you see his iris begin to move. Lower and lower and lower until it gets to the spot right below your belly button. That hidden spot. that no one should be able to see it notice. The tiny little dick that points straight towards your abdomen.

That's been there for as long as you can remember. And he blinks. Has won something. Your real penis at your birth mark. Yes, well, and also Tormac's penis is 20 inches long. But only the, uh, always, always, always, always, always, always, Only this gentleman knows that. Dormack keeps that to himself.

I mean, he is seven and a half, he's told. And only at rest. You know what I'm trying to think of a fucking birthmark and all I can think of is a tiny penis. The birthmark just marks the direction to where you get a body wants to a little penis points to a big penis. It's known as Forebeck after all. Well, that happened. The crowd goes absolutely wild.

You watch as the Cyclops gets up. A giant tear begins to spill from his eye as he realizes he's lost every single one of these matches, and he stomps off in disgrace. You hear in your head, well, you won. Don't forget to come and speak to me, Torbeck. Where's Torbeck meet? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? I'm standing right here.

Oh, oh. Where is Torbeck meeting you? Well, I'm going to have to let Gideon know that I'm busy, but I was thinking we could meet in the big top in the very back of the room in the shadows. You know, I know that Torbeck knows that you know Torbeck's name, but Torbeck thinks that maybe we should leave names out of it. Are you asking for my name? Are you telling me not to tell you my name?

Or do you want me to give you a fake name? Oh, the fake name makes it more mysterious. Oh, alright. Then my name is... Laslo Grigorovich. Oh, that's beautiful. If you watched this, you said that that DM screen was totally different. and then if one

I'm using the curse the stride Dungeonmaster screen shit on Derek I just got a fucking name from this deal of screen As everyone is cheering I was like Oh gosh we all want

We should probably celebrate with like a victory kiss or something like I'm just joking I'm just a joke Unless And as Brick has said this, you hear in your head, I'm so sorry to do this, Gideon, but I've come down with an illness and I'm not going to be able to make it tonight.

Let's take a rain check. Oh, it's okay. Zabbins to him a little bit. It's called heart sickness. Sometimes they call love sickness, too. Yeah, okay. All right, well, enjoy the rest of the witch-like carnival, and good luck at becoming the monarch. Cupcake, Chad.

I've already got one crown I could do with another. And then the call ends. Can we hear what he was saying? Yes. Did she just rain check you again? Yeah. Oh, baby. I'm sure something that it will come out.

That's so weird. I mean, it's probably for the best. We've got a lot to do, get on this. She was pretty hot. I mean, she's probably disgusted by your single fleshy eye. What are you meant? Oh, no, it's a beautiful single disgusting fleshy eye. Thank you, Greg, go.

You made a lot of weird compliments. His stupid face doesn't make you sick? Oh, no, it makes me... I want to puke just... Made a little licek. Hey, hey, hey. It makes a love sick. Hey.

Everybody be cool. Imagine losing a girl to Torback. What do you mean I lose a girl to Torback? Well, uh... Single blue eye assigned, perhaps the beautiful Laslo, uh, just a little bit of a sign, uh, just a little bit of a girl to Torbuck. Uh, just a little. Just to appreciate more hairy, crusty things over Gideon. You know, who can say?

I mean, are you telling me that you're meeting up with? Lazaro Gorghumvich? Torbeck never said that. She's lovesick for you? Torbeck didn't say those words. Why would you be talking about furry, scabby, gross, crusty things? Tormec is just speculating. And it's at this point that a pixie makes her way up to you.

Um, I just wanted to say that we only gave out one prize and, and all of you won, so, um. I was gonna say, I mean, okay, we can split it. I got gold and he got gold, but the two of them haven't gotten gold yet. Well, I remember telling, your gold number was announced. So if you don't remember what it was, then that's probably, that sucks. Oh, uh, for you. Your number was 96. Oh, everybody believes in Tor.

This is Torbeck's lucky day. Oh, I hate this part of the carnival. That's what I'm a unbelieve. Your number 71, I re-rolled for you. It's okay, Gideon. Don't worry about it. So, 142 for you. I believe mine's 192.

Hey, Gideon, don't worry about it. You know, actually. And I need the three of you to roll D8s. Oh. Form a god of six? Yep. Seven. Four.

You, the pixie, moves over to you and begins to paint your face with that magic face paint. And draws on your face the likeness of a frog that fades into your face very quickly. You know, you can activate at any point to use the disguise self-spell once. I was getting in his fur and everything. It's disgusting. But then it disappears. It feels good. The way you enjoy it.

What did you get, Crammy? I got a four. For anybody else, it wouldn't be worried, but somehow. How about you get a five? There we go. Four is the wine. Hold on. Let me just do my little do-do-doo-biz.

Five. You get a replica unicorn horn filled with candy. That's perfect. Can I wear this? If you want to. There's got a strap on it? I can put a strap on it. Please.

Sure, and she quickly puts a strap on her. Oh, my God, this is a great to stay in my life. I don't know, fellas. You wouldn't you now look like a murdered woman with the unicorn form? You look like a damn fool. What do you mean? I look like a unicorn. I think he looks like a murderer.

You look like a murdered woman that looks like a unicorn. It looks like a crocodile. Well, first of all, an alligator. But Cramicone There's no mirage. I know, I mean, it doesn't really rise. I know, I mean, it doesn't really like. Mr. Cremie has become the apple of his eye.

You know, well said, Torbeck. You know, Gideon, that horn reminds me of the time that do drop starshine went to the Giants village, and no one would face them despite being greedy and liking to eat all of the pumpkins, but she was braver than the rest, and more powerful and prettier. And this goes off the next time.

In 61 minutes, I say, you know what, your O.C. Donuts, Steel, Unicorn, Star Shine is trash. Everyone thinks so. Well, I'll have you know. I got 17 kudos on my A.O.3 fick. And there were three comments that said how they liked how she. had different colored eyes. And at the very end, when they said, what's your name?

And she said, my name is doodrop. Do drop star shine. Why did you ask my name, random old woman? I mean, pony, random old pony. It was very touching. Excuse me. I hate to break it to you, but when all the accounts are named Chuckles 1, chuckles 2, chuggles 3, chuggles 4, you're not fooling anybody.

You're not fooling anybody. You went all the way up to chuckle 16. You got one light. How did you find that? And with that, the pixie hands you, a cuddly toy spider. As an action, you can stroke the spider to gain the benefit of a spider climb spell that lacks for one hour. Oh.

What's the special magical thing for me, other than filled with candy? Nothing. Oh. I got the best one, though. Best one coming through. It's at this point you'll notice that I have, I can cast the disguise sell spell. I will look like a prettier, attempted, prettier version of the Eladron woman. With, with bigger boobs.

Yeah, with bigger boobs. Okay. It's the size of whatever I got cursed with, but bigger. Well, you can be like one foot taller. Yeah, yeah, I'm so short. So you're still so short. You're like four feet tall now? I'm short-stack, Laslo.

Click that. You're a shrugged glass. I'm going to go on as if nothing happened. And I'm going to say, oh, you're not kidding. It'll be like really like that it's also the Lutz from the handsome. What are you? I can't look at you like this. And I also can't not look at you like this.

It's because I'm so semestrical. It's because of your proportions are just out of control. Oh, no. Thank you for notice. Oh, this doesn't awaken something. Just give him he is gosnought, you know? I'm just wondering to know. Don't feel better you got rejected by Leslo.

She was here eight years ago. I heard around the carnival is that she has to clap. It's not so bad. What? And all of a sudden you hear a booming voice. Oh, yeah, that's true. Catch the dragon by the tail. Catch the dragon by the tail.

Oh, God. Catch the dragon by the tail. I hate my life. Catch the dragon by the tail. I guess that's the next one. Let's go on. Might as well get suntail tonight. You know, don't carry yourself out yet, kid.

Oh, it's still time. I mean, yeah, don't you, I mean, you know, the world on the street is she likes dirty crusty things, so it's not really a surprise, you know. You don't need to worry about her. You know what I mean? Nice and kind of a compliment. Probably.

And I'm still wearing a mouse outfit. So basically it's her and the mouse outfit. Tachydermine mouse. He's my ticket. Yeah, you walk up and you see that there is a... You walk up and you see that there is a booth in front of you. You see that perched on a wooden branch attached to this beautiful red oak. is a red fairy dragon

who's just looking around at all of you and next to them you see a fairy who is dressed all in autumnal colors sipping from a gourd mug filled with a frothing like buttery beverage and as she looks out at you she says oh my god you guys are so cute

I just love it like do you have like a group performance or something no it's guy's nice no it's a lot of this is a lot of joke Guys, I love Guys Night. That's ironic. Oh, my gosh, you should to Tots go to the Big Top because I am telling you, if you performed at the Big Top, which light monarch on lock. Like, no joke. Oh, well, we do have to go to the Big Top extravaganza before the end of the night anyway.

Okay, tell me what your names are. Well, we did just, we did already perform at the Big Top. Oh, you're the cake, Chad. This is a good luck for you. Oh, thank you. I love, I love this for you. With the fish nets and the phoenix feathers and the flower crown and the crops up? Do you want me to water that for you?

They're starting to droop. I actually need it every hour if you wouldn't mind. Oh, man, how are they starting to droop? Allow me, you, did it? Hold on, I'm going to get out of here, please. Hey, there's starting to be rude. This guy's not. This guy, I actually don't say it's ironic.

It's a little rewind that. It's a, it's a, it's a, guy's not. Oh, it's gosh, no, it's guys, nice. Let me help you with the drooping-needs, you know. Also for what it's worth, Torbeck was wearing fishnecks before Gideon. I mean, they look really good on you. Oh, thank you for noticing Torbeck's fishnets.

I really like the way that paired with those heels, it just like creates such a nice shape for your ass. Oh, thank you. Thank you. And I turn around and I bend over a little bit. I mean, you look so good. Thank you. You look so good.

Have you been crying? What? No. Well, your eyes are really red and your cheeks are, are you sure? That's just Torbeck's face. Do you need someone to talk to? Well, how much time do you have? Oh, I'm gonna be here all night, honey.

Honey. Did Grico offer to listen to Torback earlier, but now he seems preoccupied. Yeah, yeah, I'll forget it. Can we play the game? What's what with all that rules? How do we win? But you're like drag performers.

What? What? No, no, it's... No, it's... No, it's... It's all running. It's all... You're told Prudge.

What? He said some words. Oh, so you don't like have fun, like, names for Oh no We have fun names Of course I'm going to be

Closed and I've Vaffled for Fun names Have you seen these heels I mean look I'm in like 10 inch heels

Okay so what are your names Torback's name is bodacious Tee And I'm Taxi Demi See my tail

It's a little Steve I'm still better Obviously And I'm Fee Fee Nex And we all Straight the Sailor

Moon Oh It's right Yeah You are all so cool. You know what, honestly? I mean, I can't give you a free go because that's totally against the rules.

But why the hell does this woman keep singing? I got to change my channel. It's probably related to Tom. Man, it's probably... Joe Messina, shut up! Hold on. You have an ugly singing voice. Someone keeps messing with my playlist.

It's ridiculous. I'm pretty sure it's Shelly from down at the fish in the bowl game, you don't want to play that one. Like who puts goldfish in a plastic bag? I haven't gotten mad of that one yet. You don't want to play it. It's inhumane.

Oh, they're just like regular goldfish. They're in a plastic bag, and by the time you put them in like an actual jar, they just die, and then you have to flush them down the toilet. That's actually kind of fucked out. Yeah, it is. And you're doing it to children. Should we like grab a tail or something?

Yeah, we have some. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yeah, totally. Oh, gosh. No one ever comes to this one. What? What? I don't know, like they walk up, like they're interested, and then we talk for a while, and then just leaving.

Oh, what a mystery. Oh, yeah, who are you? Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, man, we can't believe. Oh. Anyway, there can only be one winner of this game, so are you all playing at the same time?

Yeah, we're gonna compete. Yeah. No blood. Okay. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna let you in the back and then I'm gonna let loose the red fairy dragon and he's gonna go invisible. And you're just gonna have to try and find him.

Whoever can find him first is the winner. It's like pretty simple. You just gotta look for him and he's invisible. Yeah. Are there any kind of clues of where he is? I don't know, you just have to perceive him. Yeah, we'll figure this one now. Is it like the second boss of that

Ardeno Your Dungeon that takes so long if you don't have heroism slash bledlop's at higher key levels I hate that guy I'd like to play tag play with me oh my god

I haven't thought about that boss forever with that fucking fox who didn't root that fucking fox who didn't root the fucking fox who didn't root that goddamn fox anyway anyway yes no it's kind of like that All right, let's do this.

I think I might win. I mean, I don't know. I guess I'm the fastest or strongest, so I probably lose. This is weird. I don't like feeling like this, fellas. I'm gonna be in a little depressing. Yeah, you're never just honest.

I'm a little. Good luck, gentlemen. All right, well, you know, have a good time. She chews on some gum and blows a bubble, pops it with her finger. Like, you can go in. All right. Well, cool.

Here we go. I do, I love unicorn, G. Oh, yeah, we love unicorn G. Why is there candy melting all over your forehead? Oh, good. That's gonna make it really difficult for you to find the the bear dragon. Is there like a lid on the end of the,

it's just an open candy? Oh, gee. Yeah, just melting all over your head. Trust the dictation at off. Gid, do you want to eat some bandit? It's a little melting, but I know that you're, That's fine. Yeah.

You take it, it's all melted in there, so you're just running your tongue around inside. It actually makes it easier when it's all melted. It just kind of like swoops together and just gobble it all down. Oh my. Thanks buddy. Yeah, I'll take it back. Yeah, I'll come here.

Yeah, that's pretty like. How about look? I mean, exactly the same. I mean exactly the same as you did before. You just don't have any more candy melting on your forehead. I'm just gonna go through there. All right, what to do? I'm your biggest fan, Kate Chad.

Like, your biggest fan. Oh, it's a shame, you're so ugly. Okay, let's go. Why are you being so rude? What's your damage, bitch? I mean, I'm just being honest. I mean, it's like, some people just can't hear of a true, you know. Everyone's an idiot except for me.

Who hurt you? You know. Do you need a shot? I mean, you know, no, no, it's guys not. None of those are hurt. None of us have tired issues. Speak for yourself. No, no, no.

It's nice, so we ignore all of our feelings and drown it in a hiddenistic following. Yeah, well, that part's true. I don't know what's going on with my friend, but if you would like, oh, all of that. So for one, hold on, hot stuff, okay? For one, it sounds like you need a shot. Two, you're being a total bitch right now, Becky,

and I'm not here for it. And three, just like, fuck you, okay? Well, I'm gonna catch you. very right now. Are you gonna be nice? Yes, I'm very sorry. There's a lot of high stakes. There's a lot to lose.

Okay. I totally didn't do anything to you. Okay, sma. Don't call me that. That's not my name. I don't know what your name is. Oh, I'm Zeranavit. Oh, Igor.

Oh, Igor. Igor. Very nice to meet you. It's Bogan Barthos, but my friends just call me Bo. Oh hey Bo. I'm very sorry. I just, you know what? I feel like it's just, you know, they say the outside, you know, in comedy. Anyway, I'm going to drop back to myself. I don't go out there, friend. Anyway, can you just go do the game? Yeah, we're going to do the game. This is like really

bumming me out right now. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. I'll be back. I'll see you later, take Chad. Yeah, I'll sign an autograph for her. I just hand rolling for it. Oh my God. Are you? Oh my God. Are you? Are you alright? Just a bit of indigestion. Oh, do you want like an acid tablet or something? I have one in my purse. No, it's fine. Thank you.

Tormec is fine. I get acid indigestion when I'm on my period. Can you a tampon? No. Tormec doesn't know what to do with that. I mean, I don't know if it'd be weird, but like I can help you. Okay. Okay.

Tormec's sexual education was severely lacking in public space. Let's head into this seedy den and chase the dragon, come on. Come on. Let us go. And you make your way in. And you are now in a very dark room.

The light is incredibly low. You hear just the sounds of the carnival erupting outside of the room. And you wait. You eventually hear what sounds like a door opening are a latch opening up and you feel the change in the wind is very clearly this fairy dragon has made its way into the room. You see it for just a tiny second before it disappears.

And you listen. You listen for the sound of flapping wings, for the movement of wind, for any changes that would give you any clue as to where this fairy dragon may be. I need you all to roll perception checks for me, please. Oh, Tormac got a three. 12. 20, 1.

21. Whoa. Oh, Grico. Cremie. I mean's West. Okay. Do you 100, please? Oh boy.

Tollivites. You forget about that, don't you? Oh, okay, let's see what I get. 15. Hmm. I don't think of the low ones. You're being, you believe you are being followed around by a corpse. Oh, Jesus.

I mean, we'll play that. Oh, who's it fair? And I just, I'm screaming and running right. What did you get for your- Lower. Lower. Okay, the both of you do actually see, just for a second, movement on the air,

and you chase after it, but you bump into each other, and you lose. that I need you both roll to roll another perception check. Would I be able to cast a spell? Yeah. Would I be able to cast a spell? Yeah.

Would I be able to cast a spell? Sure. Uncle God, I'm sorry. I'll shed all those main things about you and you're goblin cherv. I would like to, wherever I think the fairy dragon is going, I would like to minor illusion, like a very faint fairy dragon. going the other way to try to get Grico off the trail. Okay, roll a deception check.

I'll roll an insaw check of disadvantage because I'm being. You did by Glorbo. I mean, you can roll it straight. Okay. None of it was very good. I'm going to twist it. Okay, give me a D100. Insight is 13.

98. That's a good one. 13. What he got, Rich. Would attempting to mislead him in this manner count his line? Oh No, because I would say lying requires words

For the sake of this prompt I think that makes sense Okay So he is attempting to deceive Like libel What slander and liable What's six plus seven Thirteen?

Mm-hmm You got a 13 I got a 13 How does that work? What did you get? I got a 13 Oh, it's meet or beat I have to meet it

Yeah and so if you got a 13 and you meet it and you are not. Well, when it's a contest... So it's the current state, I'm currently not fooled. The current state. Yes, so I'm not fooled. Correct.

But it's... So what I'm going to do is I will... You can always choose to be fooled. Well, regardless, I think you will hear a... You'll see the flash of blue primal spirits as you'll hear a two howling dog voices. as this almost like fiery, molten, two-headed Cerberus type dog

blasts a bit of spectral flame and I cast Fairy Fire. Just in a huge radius, wherever I see, both the illusion and wherever. There's a huge blast of flame to use Fairy Fire. It needs to make a deck save, right? Yes. And I got a 98. I don't know if you... Yeah, I need you to roll again.

Oh, no. Oh, natural 20. Oh, oh. Oh. 84. Thank you. How old are you? I don't know.

39, 42, roughly. Well, let's do 42. You're now 84. Wait, like, actually? Yeah, his age... Your age doubles. Mr. Cremie, no. Uncle Cooper!

Where are you digging? Get a fuel by my trick? Oh, no. I'm on tenon shield. I mean, I'm very close my ankles. Uncle Globa? That's the same. Well, Kremi's turned into an old alligator, so he's not going crazy.

He's getting old. Cremant, come here, come here. Get up here. Tare these heels on. You can't wear those. You got the bone dexterity of nothing. sanity of nothing. Of dust. Yeah, come on up here.

I pay you for a reason. You don't pay me. Put me out of the feet. You got you broke both your angles. You can't stand on his feet. He immediately pinned it. Does Mr. Cremie want his favorite co-workers help?

Torbeck is here. Don't worry. I hate everything about you. Mr. Cremi, you don't mean that. about you. Disgust you? Brummit, I'm disgusted and I hate looking at you. This is horrible.

Finally, someone talks some fend. Oh, God. You're a terrible old person. You know that? Guy's night is tearing us a bar. You disgust me. You already said that, Mr. Perman.

I mean you. I'm eating you. You twisting the knife. I'm sorry. I guess you're technically correct. Fellas, come here, all right? It's just like the hall of illusions. We're gonna get out of air to probably wear off.

My legs are broken. Yeah, we'll get some strangle tight on my back or something. Stiletto. Just not done in by her stilettos. I guess this is ironic. Don't you think? Well, you know, fellas, I think we need to be honest with ourselves. Guys, not, it's not ironic.

You know what's nice about, being 84 years old. You have no filter. And I can't tell a lot. Even horrible things you said to Torbeck, Torbeck can't leave Mr. Creamy. Gideon, it would be such a shame if old man Kremi had an accident. Wouldn't it? Think about all of the times he's

use you for your muscles alone to rough up and to kill and man slaughter and cripple and maim and beat up and punching the kidney and intimidate and extort and blackmail all of the things that you've done are all on Cremie's hands all that blood and crime now is your chance Gideon you know you're not so when we just reminisce about the good times. So who out of the two of you had the highest on the second roll? Do we have a roll? His ankles are probably. I'm fine.

Uncle Guilobo! I'm sorry! I'm certainly losing. And terrible what they did to you. What did you got good job? I got a four. more naturally, I think a natural one would still be, will still tie me. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You both got eights?

No, no, no, I got an 11. Oh. You, as you turn and you stare at the shambling corpse of Uncle Glorbo, as it makes its way towards you, you realize that just over its head is the fairy dragon, its wings flapping, causing the dead, decaying flesh of Uncle Gorbo to blow in the wind. You reach out and you grab it. Winning. Grab the tail of dragon

where the fuck this game is. And all the lights immediately come on. You find yourselves in the middle of this room. Your ankles are broken. You are old and decrepit. You cannot tell a lie. A shambling corpse is falling you this way or that. The screaming sounds of Chuckles the clown

are reverberating in your ears as your one eye is having a hard time adjusting to the change in light so quickly. And you are just your natural disgusting self. As all. And you, the worst of all, are your back. It's an unending curse. Every day.

Everything is an improvement for chairman. As the woman makes her way in carrying your prize. And with it, a note. Yeah, it looks. like while you guys were in here doing whatever you would do and Mr. Witt, Mr. Wich sent you a message. So you should probably read it. And that's where we'll end the session. Holy shit. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Avengers podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher to unlock Shroud over Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas.

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