Legends of Avantris - Stardust Rhapsody: Overture | Ep. 1 | Asteroid Jazz

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

The crew of the Rhapsody takes to the stars to begin their cosmic odyssey... It's Chuckles in Space!!!   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/CJgLO5UCPNY?si=KFntbmsGVEv8AlU8

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Pike, and you're listening to Star Dust Rhapsody. We open in deep space, dark yet filled with brilliance. The beautiful pink, blue, purple, and silver, interrupted by the ever-present twinkling of always distant stars. The Rhapsody cuts through, cruising towards its next destination, An enormous purple ship Seems to sometimes stretch

So far, almost as if it is reaching into the past With a long bow, bow, Large twin engines And a giant stabilizing circlet that spins at its rear To the casual onlooker It may appear like any other ship But look closer and you'll see the scars And in an instant know that it has stories to tell

Out here, it's easy to feel lost and alone. But not for our heroes. I, of course, use the term loosely. Through a window on the ship, you can see a hungry pike. Chuckles leans in serving a pie. It explodes. Pike tackles, Chuckles, who pops into shattered strands of balloon. Dandy and Kavir laugh while,

wreck grounds. They each have their own reasons for taking to the stars, but once their path was set, an unshakable truth revealed itself, that whatever they sought, whatever questions they pondered, they could find their answers in the stars. They simply had to ask. It's early morning here on the Rhapsody. You awaken to a day just like any other. Some of you may be in bed. Some of you may be elsewhere. to this moment, I'd like to take a second, to have everyone go around and explain what they may be doing as they're getting started for the day. And if you would describe your character, Pike. We'll start with you. Certainly. So Pike would definitely be up early most mornings

in his room basking in whatever radiant, energy might be coming in through the window of his room, if we're circling some star or some sun. Being a solar elf, he would absolutely have some sort of resonance with radiation, cosmic radiation. And you would gain it. You'd have a porthole in your window,

a star peering in the light hitting across your face, and you would feel invigorated by it. While basking in this radiance, wherever we may be throughout the solar systems, he would be practicing what appears to be some sort of Tai Chi, almost in a meditative state, working up a sweat and staying fit, and thinking about praying that Rett will have found us a job

so that maybe we can afford food this week. There will be, the room will be kind of minimalistic. There's not much in there. Doesn't really say much about who Pike is as a person. There are random personal effects here and there, a small music box on the nightstand. and he would basically just be practicing this Tai Chi until Rhett calls for him, almost invariably,

or he becomes so hungry he goes to look for breakfast. Thank you. Kavir. So Kavir, like Pike, will be up early. Not so much as he likes to meditate and prepare for the day, but he likes to be the first one in sort of the commissary area, viewing, getting an eye on everybody, seeing how they start their day, what they like to eat,

where they're going, that sort of stuff. But before he goes, his room is relatively bare, except for his clothing for the day and an hourglass that he wears by his hips. So he'll sort of equip himself for the day, and he spends a moment in the mirror doing his hair, you know, because he's somewhat vain. I'm assuming that's how you do hair, I don't.

That's not. That's not. But he takes a moment in the mirror every day, and he looks at the tattoo on his chest, or the room. ruins on his chest, I should say. It's the image of a clock, but not a clock that anybody can read. And he sort of just watches the seconds take by,

or the equivalent of what would be seconds take by, as it moves, before he finally heads into the commissary. Thank you. Labouche. I wouldn't be the first to rise. I'm not sure I would be the last either. I would be somewhere in the middle. And Labouche, if you were to look into his room

before he awakens, all you would see is what looks like a deflated suit, empty pair of boots, the actual body suit itself, just right on the mattress of the bed and headless. And then on the floor, upside down, you would see this large bulb, a giant helmet with a globe of sorts, transparent glass or whatever the space equivalent of that would be.

And inside- Space glass. Space glass. Space glass. Inside you'd see. jelly-like substance. And within this green and yellowish strange goo, you would see clusters of cells and a pair of eyes looking out. That shape would eventually emerge and sploosh out

the edge of the room of the helmet, eventually covering the entire suit, making sure that it is totally clean, before eventually sucking inside to hand. hands would emerge from the bracers, the boots would then fill, you'd see the actual suit pull it together, but it's still lumpy, it's still made of shapes. And eventually the helmet would clock into place,

locking, and finally the hands would, with a few button presses, you'd hear, as almost a vacuum seals, and a humanoid shape finally rigidly sets into place. This is what most people think of when they think of LeBusch, and he clanks forward into a standing position before surly making his way through the door and out into the commissary. Thank you.

Chuckles. I am, I'll get out of bed, fully dressed. Just wriggled as hell. But with huge bags under my eyes and a five o'clock shadow through my white cloud, and I'm like this. And I'll reach into my hat and I'll pull out like a can barbosol, and this is a thick shaving cream, and pat my face, and I'll pull out a commonly large

straight razor, and I'll just look in the mirror and shave. And then I'll go to my closet and I'll open it, and it's just a row of the exact same coat, the exact same certain, and I'll look through, hmm, what should I pick? Oh, this is nice. And I will put my coat over my coat, and just nothing changes. As I will look down and by the door of my room

is a pair of large clown shoes. And so what I'll do is I'll look down, and I currently have clown shoes, and I'll just walk over and I'll pull them on, and they just squeak like hell, I'm tying them. And just somehow they just sloop into there. And I- You put them on over the other clashes you're already working.

Okay, just making sure. It is unclear what is flesh in the world. It is all of chuckles. That's right. And then with that, I will say, oh, I need my coffee. And that's chuckles. I look like a clown in space. Well said.

Well set. Thank you. Thank you. Dandy. Well, Dandy is staring out the window. She is not, she doesn't sleep. She's just constantly staring at the cosmos, thinking about different constellations as we kind of drift and navigate through space.

And my room is filled with plants and little piles of dirt, maybe little mushrooms popping up, water in the corner. puddles of water that I'm able to move and I'm really just staring out the window and I'm thinking well I'm actually saying out loud I wonder if everyone's up I am hungry I am hungry and then I turn to a plant and I start to water the plant I'm just talking to the plants and kind of asking if they're hungry and thinking about that pie chuckles gave me last week and how delicious it was and how I just I wish I could have that for breakfast and I have gems all over me and And I'm really just sweet and naive,

and I'm gonna turn and go see if there's pie for breakfast. And Roret, if I may, I think that you would be the only one not in your room currently. You would be in the, we'll call it the lounge slash your office space at your computer. Doing maybe some light engineering. Well, you can, what would you be doing there? Yeah, I, uh,

So Rhett would probably earlier in the morning, he hasn't really sleep a lot, maybe he gets four to five hours, if he's lucky of sleep a night. So he's up probably earlier than anybody else. He would be in sort of the main gathering area on the ship on a terminal with that sort of classic kind of greenish glow. And he would be frustrated by the lack of funds

that the ship has. So he would be swiping through and sort of looking for any lead that he can find is to hopefully earn the ship and the crew some money so that they can afford meat. And he would pull up his arm and you would see that it's sort of not a flesh arm. It is fully robotic.

Looks similar to his right arm that is flesh. But in the forearm is a large kind of monitor with some buttons on it. And he would press a button. Hey, hey, buddy, how's breakfast coming? And then a little sort of like digital pug face will appear on the monitor and it'll go, and in text it'll say, we're out of bacon.

Thanks for letting me know. And so, Rhett has a robotic pug named Hank who assists him and helps him with things, helps him fly the ship, and helps him cook breakfast and how a pug would be cooking breakfast. I don't know. But, you know, they figured out some system where they can help each other. And they're very sort of symbiotic, and Rhett does not view Hank as simply just a dog. he sort of treats Hank as on the same level as everyone else in his crew.

Yeah, so he would just be sort of grumbling at the terminal and looking for leads. And it's at this point that you would find one. You would be scanning through recent bounties, what are you looking for, anything that seems like it would be worth your while, and at this point, everything is worth your while, because you've been traveling together for quite a while now. Over the past few months, work has been hard to come by, and funds are running low.

Two nights prior, you went into the emergency provisions to check the levels, only to find chuckles in there. Oh, no! His face covered in chocolate, peanut butter, and whipped cream. Scumbad. The bigger problem being that he had made a selection of pies and didn't eat them all. He was just practicing his throwing arm. He spent hours throwing pies around the room,

out the window, all about, and provisions are now dangerously low. Laboosh took care of the thrown pies. Oh, I have a tummy-y. Hey, Pike, why are you throwing them? What's that? Chuckles, you're killing me, man. Oh, well, why don't I make it up to you, kid? Why don't we go out in the backyard and throw the pie around like we used to before your mother fell ill?

I will stare at Chuckles kind of stoically as I light a cigarette and ignore him and proceed to work over to where I know the captain's port was to be and pound on the door. Come on, Wreck. Tell me you got some good news. Well, I think I got some. I've been swiping right all fucking morning. I think I finally got a match. I assumed you'd be using a trackball. Oh, yeah.

100% of reserve. It doesn't fly off into space like a mouse. That's true. Better for this. So am I in my cabin or am I in like a main area where people can just sort of basically come to? Great question. We'll say this.

When you found the bounty that you felt held promise, you tapped a call to action button. Throughout the Rhapsody, a red blinking light has begun to go off, and this would alert everyone to the fact that Rett is calling a meeting in the lounge area. You would all step out of your rooms, you would start moving there, potentially Kavir and Pike first. Chuckles, Lubush, Dandy, following right.

behind and you would all make it down a familiar hexagonal hallway the cold the cold steel of the rhapsody beneath your feet as you reached the door it would I don't have Derek's you know it would you should have told me I don't know is in this box no unbelievable it's not you can use the deathlet's a little bit as the door opens oh gosh You would, um, you would, um, I see the alarms just, h, h, h, h r, h r, hr, hr, hr, hr, hr, hr, hr, hr, hr, hr. The door opens, and you step into the lounge area. You look out and you see a large crescent-shaped purple couch, recessed into the floor, uh, just mildly.

Above it, elevated slightly, you see Rett's workstation with, uh, triple monitors, or even whatever the version of five, that is. Several monitors, maybe even five. Rhett sits at it and you see pulled up on the screen, the photo of a, of the bounty, you presume. Gray skin, elongated face, small, beady black eyes, and no hair to be seen. Wearing, what looks to be a white coat, and you'll find your places on the couch,

or wherever you choose to be. I'd like to... No, go ahead. I was going to say, I'll find Pike knowing what Chuckles has been up to. And having had the foresight of knowing you're going to be hungry, I sort of flick my wrist out of my wrist pocket, you'll call it.

Sort of like a sleight of hand thing. We'll pop out one of Chuckles' pies. Kavir, you're a gentleman and a scholar, but I can't tell if you're taunting me. No, this is for you, my friend. I saw what he was up to, and I knew you would be very perturbed if you didn't get to eat. Thank you.

A feast will appear on the pie. It'll be like this. It's like a berry pie and it's like this thick purple. It'll say feast upon my. Immediately. What is this? I promise I had no idea. Damn peaselberries!

Okay. And I'll grab it with my hand and you'll just see the pie disappeared down my face and into my chest side. into my chest somewhere. One with the goo. Again, my eyes will kind of narrow as I kind of see what's happening. I look at the screen and I say,

come on, Rhett, this guy's a small fry. You can't be serious. Well, I mean, at this point, we don't have any other. Is everybody present? Hold on. Let me look over. Is everybody here at this point? At this point, Hank swoops in and joins you. carrying a plate of breakfast.

And you would translate what he's saying is to bacon and eggs is served. All right. Crew, we got space eggs and space bacon for breakfast. And you will see very clearly that there's no bacon. It's just eggs. It's just scrambled eggs.

Like low-budget hotel breakfasts for an egg. In fact, Hank didn't have the heart to tell you before he got here, but it's not eggs at all. It's space grits. Uh, Rhett, I thought you said this was space eggs and bacon. Well, we don't have any bacon, so you'll get space eggs and you'll like, oh, it's ain't even eggs.

Hank. Well, it's breakfast, all right? Yeah, yeah. I just run up to it. The Hank, the breakfast! Where's the pie? Chuckles, can you make me the pie out of this? Oh, yeah, sure.

Here, I threw all of the pies that I was making. Let me find one that, oh wait, which one? I forgot to label them. There's one that's explosive. I think this one is for eating. Yes, it's certainly for eating. Here you go, Dandy. I run across the room.

I'm just like slurping like this. Roll a D6. Who made? Jocles? The first roll. One. Oh no. I ate the pie.

Pie is in me. Um, first chaos. What Chuckles produced to you was what looked to be actually not a pie at all.

It was roughly it had a similar crust, but it was dark chocolate. It was sinfully delicious. And as you consume it, can you

roll a Constitution saving throw from it. Oh no! I'm sorry, it goes straight to your thighs. Then you blow up. Oh, my, what? Uh, 10. And then there were five. Well, it's been pleasure.

And then there were thighs. What did I have for this? You do actually have ruled for this? Oh, no. Why wouldn't you? I love the pie. I love chocolate pie. As you eat this delicious, admittedly,

delicious chocolate cake, it's rich, it's velvety, it goes down, you pick up on every scent. It's a little bitter, but the sweetness overtakes it. And as it hits your core, it starts to pulse. And you feel a weird heat coming from your core, But not like any heat you've ever felt before, not quite like the heat of fire. A heat you just cannot place your finger on as it bursts within you and you take seven points of damage.

Do we see this? Yeah, you would see this and out of your mouth as you release a grotesque burp It would be the just hideous whales. Oh my god, I Chuckles, Goddame it. You're lucky she's made out of stone and magic. They would have killed the rest of us. Maybe I'm okay. I have been dreaming about the pie for breakfast

since last week. Can you please check my compost bucket? It would not be the first time. Oh, Kibbush, you got it. Okay, okay. Oh, I'm so glad you're okay, Damny. I'm sorry that was Ma Chuckled, extra spicy dark chocolate pie.

Oh. I don't like spicy pie. I like sweet pie. I need to buy that label gun next time we're at a port. We'll all get that label gun. I don't understand how anyone has an appetite for pie anymore. I mean, I'd take grits over pie any day. I'm stuffed.

As long as it has nutrients, it's all the same to me. This is great grits, buddy. Thank you, and I'll give Hank a scratch. All right. I finish cleaning Dandy's compost bucket. I feel so much better. Thank you. LaBouche.

My pleasure. Who greenlet us? Not me. Can we continue to talk business? Everything is. Yeah, come on, right? Let's get this started. Let's get this started.

All right. We got a mark. He goes by the name of Dr. Mays. Sounds like the fellow's 6'4. He's about 140 pounds, allegedly. and they're rating his capture difficulty rating one out of ten, so this should be a fucking shoeing. All right, nobody fucked this up, especially you, all right?

What with have I ever fucked anything up, right? What about when you pull bombs out of your hat? Oh, yeah. Or exploding pies out of your hat. The spicy pie? Well, that only happened 17 times. I can count a number of times you have fucked up a mission on one hand. Then I do this in like 1,100.

Brett, any chance this guy's using any kind of reconstructive surgery or disguise, advanced technology, anything like that? Well, here's what it says about him. Bounty for Dr. Scream Mays, he's one of dead or alive, so I guess, you know, if we accidentally kill him, it's okay. He's notorious research and resource thief. Dr. Mays stands accused of stealing sensitive research. 500,000 credits worth of equipment and is now on the run. We must return any and all research in his possession in relation to humanoid cross species genie,

or gene splicing. Genetic manipulation and behavioral reconstruction mapping. Whatever the fuck that means. Anybody know what the hell this is? What's the reward on this guy? So the payout is 50,000 credits. Not so much of a small fry after all. Yeah.

So I think we can do this. I don't like the idea of humanoid cross-species genes splicing, but any sound of genetic manipulation, I don't like the sound of that. Do we know if he is working with anyone, or he has taken this from? Maybe we can figure out where he's going, where he's been. So it doesn't mention anything about any kind of accomplices. kind of accomplices or crew, I don't think. All it says is that one, if we get the bounty,

we turn it in at Space Station 777. So, uh. Or alive. Dead or alive. Oh, thank goodness. It's so hard to keep them alive, wouldn't you bathe? I'm sorry, did you say there was like a lead of where we're going?

Is that part of the thing? No, we have no. No, there's no lead. We know a intelligence. Intelligence check, or this probably, yeah. I'll tell you again. No, that's good. Roll it. I'm telling you.

That's where I'm a vacuum. That's good. That's good. The first T20 roll? Yes. Let's go. It is. Oh, you know what? I know what my plot. Shuffles, it is. It is out first blood.

14. 14. You would know easily that when a bounty comes in, you and Pike would, I mean, really anybody on the ship, but you would know simply that there is like concierge, the bounty hunters. Somebody you can reach out to you, somebody you can call, who can provide you contacts, who can provide you leads,

who can set you up with next steps, maybe more information to point you in the right direction. And that's KilaVax. Ooh, KilaVax. I think the real question here is if KiloVax told anybody else first, how popular is this guy, and are we gonna be the ones you get first crack? Well, with a challenge rating of one out of ten,

I'd imagine we won't be the only ones going for this fellow. Yeah. Even the lizardfish, we want a bite of this. But if Calvaks can hook us up, then we better get a fucking move on. Yeah, I guess. What's the hesitation? Oh, Kavir, I didn't think of you that.

Oh, thank you. I just... I'm so tired of corporate espionage jobs. Every time we finally get a job, it's like, oh, they troll stole trade secrets. They rob and they boss. It's like we're living in a dystopian cyberpunk nightmare. We are living in a dystopian cyberpunk nightmare.

Oh, yeah, never mind. Let's take it. Well, now that we have chuckles, let's get started. So, I mean, if he's dealing with humanoid splicing and stuff like that, I mean, to me, that just sort of feels like that the dwarers might be involved. I don't know for sure, I just got a hunch.

Maybe he was working with? The ether dwarves. Well, Rhett, how bad is that for us if that's the case? I mean, they got heavy weapons, and they know a thing or two about jeans, that's for sure. You know, it could just be coincidental, right? But it's just, we may be in for firefight. Well, it's a good thing we're always careful, except for... Oh yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Don't forget about it. He knows what's up. Oh, wait, so where did you say Calavax was? Do we know where he's hanging out? You can, you can just call him. Oh. At your leisure. Is it long distance? Are we gonna be charged for this?

Almost certainly. You can't afford it. Credits we don't have. This one's on the house. Did you say we just call him? Yeah. He's a contact. Callivax? Killivax.

Killivax. Killivax. Killivax. Yeah. The Killivax, the Killibax! Are you there? No, Dandy, we have to use the radio. He's not here. Oh, the radio.

Did he pick up? Yes. What do you say? Tell him high from Chuggled him. They said I could just call. Killivax. Where's the radio? Killivax.

You have to say, hey Hank first for it to pick up. Hey Hank. And then he'll activate it. Start like blowing. Call Calabax. He starts calling a word you- Call in Kilimovol. Oh, damn, I got Kilibon boss.

No, do you say, call Tom? No, no. No, that guy's dead. I just removed me in my context. You see a tiny icon and a line next to a globe. It's like, B. Be it.

You've got to be it. You've got Kilibbean. You've got Kilibati. All of that happens, canonically. It's at this point that Killivax answers, and on your screen layout on your video call, you see this creature pick up, once again, bald, large, large features, strong, enormous jaw,

feels like 50% of his face. Cragly cut, looks like he could be carved from stone. If his jaw could cut glass, it would instead smashed through 40 panes. He has a large, prominent brow with kind of inset, dark, black eyes. Calabax, buddy, how you doing?

Good morning. You're still hunting? We're still hunting. Yep, yep, yep. I haven't moved on with my life yet. Are you still flying around with that pretty boy? Well, he can hear you, by the way.

You're on speaker. Hey, comment. I'm not talking about you, you skinny, you skinny elf. I'm talking about the other one. One always gets you into trouble. He can hear you too. I think he means you could veer. Anyway, I mean...

Oh, you, kill a back. You're such a charmer. Oh, there he is. Oh, I'm blushing. What are you calling for? So you ever heard of this guy named Dr. Scree Mays? Just picked up a bounty on this feller. And no information on where he might be, where he was last seen.

I'm hoping that you know somebody that might know somebody, that might know somebody that maybe knows where he is. Oh, you're hunting me's, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I got a little insight onto where he might be. What's in it for me? for the information. Well, if you could accept an IOU,

we could give you a cut of the bounty. I think 10% would entice me. 10%? He's crazy. How about 2%? I go to 8. That's 2% lower than 10 go lower. 3.

Killivax, you're killing us. We haven't had protein in a week. Listen, your guts aren't my problem. I got my own mouths to feed. All right. Five percent. Oh, wait, unless you're gonna say all right to eight. No, no, no. I said, no, please, please go ahead. Five percent. I'll give you the info. What do we think? I think five is good. Five percent?

I think we can get them to twelve. I don't care. Don't listen to chuckles. Just do it. Just do it. Dandy, crunch the numbers on this. What's five percent of fifty-thousand? 10,000 credits. Bebo, beep, bo, beep, bo, beep, bo. No, that's not how I think. I'm at 2,500 credits.

Oh, that's a lot. I mean, look, let's consider this an investment. All right, you got a deal, 5%. Perfect. I will do anything for normal pie again. I like puke a little bit in my mouth. He's thinking of pie. Protein.

Anything you make me All right Here's the deal Rhett He was last seen It's heard He picked up a ton of tech From the Empire

It's heard that He ran it all out To some asteroid field Out on the edge of space He's got some kind of Hidden base out that way Be careful though Man

I know what the sheet says But there's something about this guy When he started off People were going to missing. I don't know that he's as easy as what they put him out for, but I can upload the coordinates to his last known location to your nav. All right, I'd appreciate that. Thank you. Going missing, you said. Yeah, nobody could find him. It was always around where he was. I don't know. Bounty's in for him stealing gear from the empire, though, so just something about this doesn't feel

quite right to me. An empire job. All right. Well, yeah, send over the coordinates, and I'll have Danny take a look. All right. Good luck out there. Looking forward to my 5%.

Oh, you know that 5% of nothing is fucking nothing. Oh. God, that would have been a really cool thing to say, right? Look, we have been. We gotta keep every fucking contact we have, all right. We've got to maintain at least some sort of friendly fucking relation with this guy. Yeah, and he's been helpful in the past.

That's true. Yeah. That's a lot of credit. It's a lot less credits than we started, so... Yeah. Yeah, we'll just have 95% of 500,000 credits, and, you know, that'll be enough to get us to our next job. Oh, wait! if it's an empire job

with the tax rate on that I'm sorry I'm sorry to break the bad nude and ask the tough question, Brett. It's a five-finger discount, it's okay. It'll be fine. Yeah, I'm with Kavir here. The empire, the empire doesn't know

and won't hurt him. I trust you guys. Oh, it turns me. Oh, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. The people missing. The tech he's stolen. He's got to be.

experimenting, which means we might meet one of these experiments. He's got some kind of fucking security. There are other bounty hunters that are going after this fella and they're ended up dead. That's not one out of ten job. Maybe they were zero out of ten bounty hunters. Like they met up on meetup. Datecom, you know?

Space.meetupcom. Space.meetup.com. Obviously. So at this point you get a ping at your terminal, and you see a message from KilaVax that presents just simple coordinates into deep into the edges of space. Alright, I'll kind of hit on the terminal,

and I'll pull them up and I'll get up out of my chair. Take a look. What's our ETA looking like? Mike. Oh, let's see. I'd say 10 minutes. Clitherto right over there. Holy shit! It's right there! Do Mark. Dana, you take your seat at the terminal.

I am very good at this. You take the place of rat. You are very good at this. Star maps for the entire galaxy live within your brain. You take a look at what's out there, and immediately you are able to charge. are able to chart the fastest course. You know without FTL travel, it would take days to get there. Oh, days, I think. Oh, 10 days.

But. Depends on theta D. Sorry. That's right, what's the theta D? The pie really messed me up. I think it's still in there. Well, you know you're not supposed to eat dessert for breakfast. Oh, whatever.

I eat the pie for breakfast is ridiculous, but muffins and pancakes. on the other day. I met 10 days. I am sorry. Friends. I am so sorry. You begin to chart this course,

knowing that it would take quite a while if you were to just navigate there through space, but you have means to travel that is even faster than FTL. You have chuckles. We can always risk it. Yeah, well, God. I really don't want to risk it for 50 grand.

I mean, are we gonna make it get 10 days, Rhett, without any money or food? Or with chuckles? He does mess up sometimes, but we love him. We love the chuckles. Let's let him make us go fast. I mean, just a little slip into the hong stream. And we're there.

The hog stream. We gotta make him earn us keep, Rhett. Come on. Well. I can get us wherever we need to go, especially with chuckles. I feel like a touch. We could follow Dandy's path and perhaps prepare for 10 days. I have it all. It's, you know, A to B.

And if any bounty hunters beat it there, they'll probably die terribly. Right? Well. Play it safe, or we can play it fast. I have a feeling like if we wait 10 days, we're going to be beat to the punch. So, if you open this fucking thing, you guarantee we're going to make it out in one piece. Oh, for pulling in the hangar, Joe. How do I'm talking?

Uh, it depends on what you mean by guarantee. I can guarantee I'll give you my best chuckle guarantee shot. Look, Red, I don't like it either, but why else do we keep chuckles around? If not for this, this is when we need him. Nah, yeah, I just got the heby-jeebies last time. It doesn't feel good. Tell me about it.

Yeah. I still have noise mares. I still don't know what you're talking about. Well, yeah, just don't, when we go into the honk stream, don't look out the porthole. Oh, that? That was fun. Like cotton candy in the sky.

You truly have the mind of a god. Thank you. The resilience is impeccable dandy. Don't hide that. in a bushel. Okay. Can you also not sing that song this time? That did not have things.

Why? It creeps me out. Which takes a lot. Oh. Well, I mean, I don't need to do it. It just helps me focus. You said you had to. I mean, I have to do it.

I look around and try to think back. Maybe you could choose a different song. Oh, yeah. I think I can choose a different song. I can choose a different thong with time. Maybe it won't annoy you. It probably will. For those of us that don't know,

what are we referencing? Is that the one where he cuts the head off of chicken? Is that what you're referring to you? I'm referencing. No, I'm referencing the tunnel in Willowanka. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yes.

Nice. Huh? What are we referencing? What are we talking about here? Okay, so everyone on the Rhapsody plays their part. Rhett is the captain and engineer. Pike is the expert bounty hunter. Cavier is the smuggler.

Dandy handles the star maps and is the true navigator. Can get them anywhere. LaBouche is the juicer. He is the muscle. He can handle anything that comes up. And the chuckles. He's also the janitor. He's anything that comes up.

Voluntarily. If there's the crossings, I'm cleaning it. Nobody assigned it to him. Including dirt and grime. And Chuckles is your FTL honk drive. He has the ability to tear open two spaces in space and move you very quickly from one to the other, cutting a 10-day trip into an hour?

An hour. Oh yeah, an hour, duh. I mean, it's only, I mean, there's, And what's the worse that could happen? I mean, there's a bunch of horrible interdimensional demon-in-the-like that could perhaps find up. That's always a rift. All right.

But it's kind of like, you know, they always say when you go in for a colonoscopy, there's always a rift when you go under. Right, it'll be fine. What is the colonoscopy? Oh, well, let me, let me use. I put on a glove over my glove. In the cut scene, it would all go silent and chuckles

you would see you dictating in great example how to handle a colonoscopy. This reminds Labouche of something, and I'll stop over to Kabir. Kavir, can you explain this word, this gene? Is it a carbon-based thing? It's like parts of a blueprint. So it's what makes up a character

or a person or a piece of them. So is, it's a, it's a carbon-based thing, yes. Yes, yes. Yeah. May it may not apply to you, I don't know. You see my eyes look down my neck hole at myself and then at you? Probably not. Oh, well, don't tell yourself short, Labush.

I think you'd look great in a pair of jeans. Maybe turn them in a lones and jorts during summer. Those skinny gene that Pike wears? Yeah. All right. What about him, Danny? Okay. I think they would look good on Labouche's boosh.

Yeah, I got an extra pair I can lend him. He's a bit wider than I am, though, with all that muscle. It's just the suit. I could probably fit in without the suit. Oh, what if we make LaBouche a full denim food? Oh, that would be so charming. You ever try to move and wet denim? No, I can't wear denim.

I just look at chuckles. Pretty good, pretty good. I mean, it's up to the gang. I'm happy to provide services rendered. I say let's go. Let's trust the chuckles. Second it. What are we waiting for?

Come on board. Let's get this over with, all right, Red, come on. All right, do your thing. I'm gonna light another cigarette and say, I'm gonna get a drink while we see how this goes. Before you open it, and then I'm gonna start, like, doing my star map thing, like, basically, think of like a, not holographic,

hologram, like, pops up, and it has the constellation maps, and I wanna get there fast, so it's just like wormhole to wormhole or honk. Okay, show me what's the fact of fruit here? Where am I coming out here, okay? Yep, you see it? I'll use my Motley and eyes to transpose the honk stream.

The electrician. Do you want to press the go button together this time? Well, hmm, there we pass a very dangerous jester hive. We don't want to do that. We don't want to do that. Oh, what? Oh, no, and then that's the giga space pie. No, no, no, no, okay.

Okay, we gotta. I think he's gonna just a Ive. We are not taking pit stops this time. Both of you roll a, what's it, navigation check? Yeah, that's a check. Yeah, add your proficiency. Navigation.

You can call for any kind of check you want. You're the guy. I'll make them up, yeah. Just both you roll. I'll text are made up. Yeah, what is that? What's that? Wisdom plus or int, because you're.

Yeah, wisdom or int. Whatever you. And you're probably proficient in navigator's tools. Yeah. 16. I'm sure it's fine. Okay, so with a 16, Danny, you're able to produce this hologram of the stars.

You know exactly where you're going, you know where you're at. You were able to draw a line that looks almost remarkably like a constellation. that takes you from where you are, skirts the appropriate suns, any dark stars, any black holes on the way, and you draw a perfect route

to get to your destination. Okay, Dandy, thanks, that really helped. Okay, I know which exit will take gives us the best chance of survival. Was you roll? I rolled the eight. I rolled eight. Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

What is that on the diet? Oh, wait, hold on, I rolled a seven. Wait, do I add, my, because I'm not navigating, or yeah, I mean, probably just an eight. If it's proficiency as well. Yeah, that'll be an 11. Wait, let me roll my cosmic omen. Oh.

So that I can start doing stuff here. Yeah, yeah, do that. That sounds badass act. I don't know what that is, yeah. That sounds fucking sick. So essentially, don't want to explain. because I'll do this for the time for it. So basically every time after a long rest,

I roll a D20 and evens and odds have different outcomes. So I just rolled a one, but that's okay because it just means it's odd. And odd is whenever a creature you can see within 30 feet of you is about to make an attack roll, a saving throw, or an ability check, i.e. what you just did, you can use your reaction to roll a D6. No way.

And subtract the number rules. Oh, the map is so bright, by odds. Wait, what is it? What is it? What does it look like when you do this? Oh, when I do this. Yeah, what's the little like? So basically the cosmos, inside of my body,

so I have a lot of druid-like things, like, you know, plenty hair and a lot of gems all around me. But I also, the gems glow and can glow in different colors and kind of emanate from my being, this light that emanates from these gems throughout my body. And it does that when I do a cosmic moment. So essentially, it kind of glows a nice color. And when I get the odd, which is what I just got,

It kind of is like a brown glow. And I'm not gonna do it to you though. I can choose, so. Anyways. The brown omen coming. I thought you clean out the gloves. So with an 11, you're mad with beautiful band. I got it.

I'm sorry, I tried to help. I've got it. With an 11, you have a very approximate knowledge of your way through the honk weave to get you but you are extremely convinced that you can do it without fail. Oh, let's do it. I've got it, Caton. All right. Hank, I need you on the bridge for emotional support.

And I will walk to the bridge and I will get in my captain's chair and then Hank will get in his little chair right next to me. And I'll start flipping switches and turning knobs and stuff. And disengage autopilot. and they'll hear sort of a, and I will take the manual controls ready for the next step. I'll walk over just in the common area, like flop down onto one of the chairs,

light up a new cigarette, and just lean back and say, well, here goes nothing. And I'm just staring out the window, making sure we're getting from wormhole to wormhole, weave to weed. Just remember, folks, if you hear any fiduci disruptive whispers. It's probably a hippie its clown.

It's not a sexy space siren. It's worse than that. It's really worse than that. Listen. Don't listen. Do not listen to his whispers. I don't suggest looking out the portholes. Steal your minds against the horrors of existence.

Can't forget that. Here we go. And how do I do this, Stundermaster? Well, I'll say, all you want it, just in bed. As you enter into your cockpit of sorts, you see expanded out in front of you, the opening to all of space. Everything expands for infinity out beyond you.

As many times as you've seen this, it always never ceases to take your breath away. You sit down in your seat, your arms at either side of the chair with your controls immediately at your hands. Your back almost like secures and snaps in without even a belt, you begin to just kind of power the ship on your own.

Chuckles and Dandy would find their places at controls on either side of you within this room, and then everyone else would be where they are. I'll be sitting on the couch, and I'll just be slumped over, and as I know that just seconds before we actually launch, I'll just... That's one, man.

You punch it, you put the Rhapsody into drive mode. It starts to take off. As you all start to feel the familiar pull, you peel back into your seeds as your bodies begin to form to the new speed. Chuckles, you remove your hat and you reach within it, pull and dig down, what is this, Seltzer, no, what is this, something else,

Another bullshit, you know. I really need to do some spring cleaning. Until you whip out a small black circle. Ah, there it is. And you throw it through the window of the Rhapsody out front. And immediately it tears open this red circle in space as a swirling vortex opens and the Rhapsody flies into it. Oh, a new song?

I got one. Okay, I gotta focus on this. And you'll see that the little antenna that's on my hat, which is normally dormant or just has like a simple red glow. We'll start beeping now and start like almost like Morse code as if I'm like focusing on the navigation of the honk stream. And I'll focus and all the,

and then clown horns will start going, One, two, three, four, five. Everybody in the cloud car, come on, let's try. And I sing a clown-fee version of Lou Bega's Lamo number five. This one again, I'm a little bit of Hulk a guy in my life, a little bit Hulkigua. I keep trying to twist my helmet, so like to dampen the sound, but is it not?

And I can very clearly, for the full 10 minutes, I'm gonna get more increasingly more like strength. That's not gonna help, Leboos. Let me tell ya. I just think a little farther than I turn it. I turn in. So the Rhapsody has entered into the hunk stream. You're used to, as you may encounter movements such as this,

you're used to stars zipping past you, almost like a tachnacolor highways. You're encircled in a cylinder that takes you from point A to point B. This is extraordinarily different. You never get used to it any time that you use this. Instead of multicolors, it is just red. If you look out the port holes,

you see like an orangeish, almost amber smoke and dust out every window as you move through. And this does not take the easy swore, sway of traditional FTL drive. This route is jagged. It is bumpy. The Rhapsody quickly having to make adjustments on the fly to adjust to the honk weave.

And I need every- The trumpet! The trumpet! He's just going crazy. I'm just like doing this dance that chuckles taught me. What are we doing? This is how you dance to Momba Five.

It's the road line. I need everyone to doons on the oldest sides. I need everyone to make a wisdom saving throw. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. A lot more. Oh, thank God. Keep cocking.

Yonkers. Oh, baby. I got a 23. Whatever. These dice roll as well as LaBouche Fields. I got a nine. 19. That's my boy.

I got an eight. 17. Out of four. We got some of these. You want to. You said wisdom saving through hours. All right, let's do the hard. No, no, no.

That's jail. Mm-hmm. I want to see what happens when you fail, so I'm not twisting. Oh, 15. 15. Okay. So Kavir and LaBouche, you hear a familiar call.

The, almost a laughter very similar to Chuckles himself. but in more dulcid, more feminine tones, like a sirens call. From out the portholes on either side, you would move immediately to a section of the ship. You can see. You can see. Laboose, where are you going?

Hey, come back. What are your favorite creatures? I find sea monkeys very charming. LeBouche, you see it first. You look out and you see the silhouette, rounded head, hair that spikes out in a large, almost like triangle shape, a slender waist that expands out into very ballooned pants.

You see this figure take what looks like a small object, put it to its mouth, and start to blow. As it blows and expands on a balloon. It ties off an edge, and with a swirl of its hands, it forms the perfect shape of a sea monkey, and it floats it out. And you are compelled to do whatever you can to try and get out of the ship. Kavir, what is your favorite? Like a falcon.

Like a falcon. Oh, yeah. It's really pretty bad, yeah. you see a very similar figure. On the entirely other opposite side of the Rhapsody, you see the silhouette of the same silhouette described before do a very similar thing. And it blows out a balloon, shapes it into the perfect form

of a falcon, and pushes it out. And you're compelled to try and get to the falcon. Everyone else sees this. I think it would take Pike a minute to realize what's happening, and he would be sitting there just being like, guys, come on, we've been through this. I don't think you understand. That is such a cool falcon.

No, you're right, I don't understand. You don't make a good souvenir. They are way better than the animals. He only makes poodles. I hate poodles. This is a falcon, it's so cool. Uh, right, we might have a situation here. Well, guys again, oh, Pike, can you handle it?

I can't fucking take my hands off the controls. I'm still very casually sitting on the couch, watching this unfold, not sure what's going to happen. I don't know that they're trying to escape. I'm just observing and trying to keep everybody level-headed. Okay. Can we determine, can I determine that they're real or not? Do I know?

Can she even see them? Everybody, well, everybody can see them. They seem to, everyone can see this kind of silhouetted figure outside in the honk weave, you would not have seen the balloon animals that they're drawing. Everyone would see their own image, but you might see it, and it gets tongue out at you,

and stuff like that, calling at you to bait you, to jabate you, to space jabate you, to space jabate you, even. But you would know that there is something that lies beyond the honkwe. attempting to enthrall your friends? To leave the ship, I would need to, I imagine, break some sort of barrier.

And that could look like going to, perhaps one of the sealed doors that it leaves to a tunnel where I could perhaps find one of the ship exits or something like that. Like an airlock? But in terms of the windows that are in this room, is it like an airplane where if I just chunk something, I can just push one of the doors out and it whips back,

and I can just jump out into space? Is there a release hatch in this room right now or am I gonna have to stop my way down the hallway? The ship is built on ether dwarf regulation rules, which means every space has two egresses. So there is a safety hatch in the room you're in to eject the door off to be able to release directly into space. Or ideally to depart at a port.

On the wall, on the ceiling, just To the side, if you're sitting on the recessed couch and you're looking up, dead ahead, you would see, at first, Rett's terminal in the lounge room. Beyond it extending out, you would see the captain's kind of central console that actually pilots the ship on the command deck. Off to just your left, you would see the emergency release hatch.

Is it mirrored on this side that I'm on as well? It would be on the left. It would only be on his side. There's only one in the room. You would see my ship form, my suit form, brace down like this, and then I will stretch Armstrong my hands out. One hand will hold onto the handle of the door, and the other will hold onto the latch, and my head turning around,

looking at the rest of the crew. I'll only be a minute. No. I will endeavor to pull. And I want the door to pull me out. Dandy's running like, Fred, no. I'm running just to join him, because I want to get out to him.

Hop on, come here. We ride together. Roll a strength contest. I don't know how good I'm gonna do with that. Good. Yeah, this roll like Labouche. I'll take an eight. Okay, so you fire your goo arms out.

You grab the handle of the handle of. of the door, you brace yourself against the wall, and you turn and you turn and you pull. But you're moving through the honk weave. You're moving at even faster than FTL. You're moving at honk TL. And you try and rip this door as much as you can, as desperate as you are.

But the sheer pressure on the outside of the ship forces it shut as you try and release the latch. What's everybody else doing is you're seeing? I would say that the moment that I see this happen. To see that I see that he has latched onto this door and is trying to open it, Pike would immediately jump up from the couch with one swift motion, unzip his outer jacket, twirl it off and try to throw it over LaBouche's head, and then run to where his hands are on the door and try to kick his hands off the door. Roll and attack roll. It's pretty bad.

I'm just cheering on the bush, because I want to get out. Not a good roll. You can twist it. I am going to twist it because my plus, well, let me say is Is a 12 enough to hit? What's your AC? Oh, God. No, not even close. No, not even close. Okay, I'll twist it.

I'll twist it. Do I get two attacks, though? Right? If this is just, I have extra attack. Am I able to make... Well, technically, actually, you'd be an unseen attack or if you threw your jacket after the time? I was trying to do it.

So you'd be a favor if I have a free object interaction. Okay. You unzip your jacket and with the rule of cool, you barely even touch it. It just leaps off of you as you catch it in your hand. You spin it around in a flourish, and it just wraps around the bush. It was so cool. He doesn't even want to take it off.

It's the Tai Chi nature of me moving, like, water to just kind of... It's a natural flow. And like a wet towel that wraps itself around his head. That's not going to be good enough. So my first one, I'm going to have to twist, because the advantage wasn't good enough. Okay. That's probably good. 19.

Yep. Okay. So the first one will hit. Second attack. I'll roll at advantage. That's a natural one. My goodness. It's at advantage.

That's going to be higher. Okay. So the first two, my first two attacks will hit. I'm not really trying to harm him, but I'm trying to hit him with enough force that he'll like... Hit him with the open palm. You're slapping. Yeah, he'll like, you know, release the door. So you swirl your jacket around the bush.

You race over to the door. You get there in two bounds, your long strides, easy movements. You get there extremely quickly. With open palms, you strike towards where you would assume something along the line of elbows are. And you try and, like, crack his arms in, so he lets go. You may re-roll your wisdom save. Oh. We'll say add advantage.

Wake up, Laboosh! Oh, that's a good one. There it is. All right, so we'll go with a 20, dirty 20. 20. 20. As Pike runs up and snaps into your arms, he hits points you didn't even know that you had. It awakens something within you, and you snap out of the,

estate. I barely even like sea monkeys. And you are now no longer trying to get out of the ship. But Kavir still is, right? Kavir. So I'm trying to save my friend Kavir, because I don't want him to get hurt. I love Kavir. And so I'm going to cast entangle and vines are gonna just come down my arm and go towards you

to try and grapple you and stop you from getting out the door. So you need a strength saving of 16. Strength saving. All right. Do I see this coming at me? It is? I would say that you would not really notice anything

that doesn't involve trying to get out of the ship. So you would have been very focused on LaBouche's efforts to get out. You would have been very focused on what was happening maybe outside of the ship, but you would be. Yeah, we're a pretty cool Falcon. They're really pretty BADIS Falcon. Okay, cool.

I was just wondering if I, like, I would make an attempt to dodge if I had seen it. but I rolled at 12? You said I needed 16? Okay. 12. So I hold him. I restrain him.

Okay. It's not just to be in pain just to keep him from exit. Yeah, so from your form you would shoot out these tendrils of green. Energy vines would erupt directly from your arm as they slither down, even from your hair. And they extend out and wrap Kavir up. And does it do damage or? Nope. I'm just restraining him.

Oh, okay. You're restrained. Nice, work, Dandy. Lablush, you with me? Come on. My friend. Yes. Thank you.

I lost my mind. Yeah, no worries. You were supposed to open the door. I need this balloon. I need this animal. It's so cool. I will, my hands are starting to retract, and I will grab both of my hands

and they'll become like a long, like a rope almost like that. You're not close to the door at this point. No, I was effectively behind you, like, cheering you on. Effectively behind you. So I'm effectively just going to do like an unarmed, whip and, like, crack you against the second. Like, basically wake you on a slap. Like, snap out of it!

Love that. It is the madness speaking! You may re-roll your wisdom. Well, actually, I'm sorry, we're on attacking. Yeah. Oh, that's gotta be. Ooh. Yeah, I mean, it's a naturalite team, so.

Yeah, you're good. Yeah. And, okay. I'm sure it restrained. You're probably at advantage. Sure. You might not have 20 in the zone. Nope.

And it's just six straight damage, apparently, according to. Is it bludgeoning damage? Yes. I have resistance against bludgeoning, which is. Oh. Oh, God. Knowing that I will. Great, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the best quads. So you hit him with the wave. You snap, and you may re-roll your wisdom save. All right. Oh, Twitza. Oh, you've done. Yeah, we got a twist. Oh, at a advantage, I'll roll it at a bit.

I'll go on the second one first and then. Beautiful. Yeah, that's. Natural tournament? Yeah, there we go. Yeah, we love to see it. There is. As the juice of L'Buch kind of like smears across your face a little bit, ugh,

you think about that form and you think to yourself, that wasn't a falcon? That was a poodle! And you are snapped out of the ensorselment, the enticement of the honk. Carrear, are you with me? Yes, I am, my friend. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm gonna, they're just gonna, like, just the vines that were around him are just gonna kind of disappear, wither away. Or they drop off and just kind of sprinkle away into cosmic dust. I am sorry for what I said about your pudets. They're wonderful pudets. Oh, what was that?

A little bit honkna. Oh, by the way, Look out, guys. We're entering siren space. Beware their balloon. I forgive you, Kavir. A little bit home now. Just keep your mind on the prize.

It'll all be worth it when we get done this job. Are we almost there? Ah! The trumpet! It's a trumpet! At this point, the trumpet of Honkma number five reaches its crescendo. And you see, as you crust this final bend in the weave,

you see an opening ready to spit you out into space and the Rhapsody exits from the honk weave. Just exit from the honk weave real quick. We told you I'd get us to where we needed to go. I just thought it was going to be from point eight. to point B. Well, I think that went pretty well. You guys avoided the thyrin.

To be fair, he's not wrong. Yeah, it's fine. Like I said, Red, it's all worth it. We got to make him earn his keep. Yeah, I mean, you're fucking lucky that you stopped him from pulling that fucking lever. That's all I'm gonna say. That was awful close.

Wrette, why did the seatbelts come off during fly is light like that? They should lock. You're not supposed to take them off. I wanted the sea monkeys. And at the end of the day, the Rhapsody's still in one piece. We're all right. We're all right. Thank you, Dandy.

The other options, sirens are pretty obviously alluring, given the fact that their baggy clown pants are entirely filled out. But that is, we avoided the big titty-goth clowns page. And that would have been even worse. We gotta go back. I have to go back. Completely out of character. I'm interesting.

It's at this point that Hank announces he's been scanning the asteroid field, and he has found an asteroid that sits differently from the others. Slightly bigger, a little more rounded, less craggy than anything else, and he is 98% sure that this is not a, that this asteroid high a hidden layer. It is, however, very difficult to approach. It is protected by other shattered space junk, other things float around it, asteroids, and you'll have to make an effort to clear any of that away

before you think that you'd be able to land on it. All right, Hank's saying that the asteroids somewhere out in that field, and it looks like we don't have a clear shot to it, so we've got to navigate it and try to to zip around it, which I mean with the size of this ship, probably not, or we try to clear some of it. Would I know how to clear asteroids on the ship?

You'd imagine you could use the Rhapsodies for blasters to clear a lot of it away? All right. We got four guns. Four-goners, presumably? Yeah, that's a right amount. Four gunners. Volunteers?

You know I'm already on my way. Yeah, I'm stomping. I will gun. I will say we lose our advantage of surprise. Good point, Kavir. That's like saying, hey, we're coming to kill you potentially for money. Hey! Well, I mean, do you have some other bright idea how we're going to get through this asteroid field?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm kind of with red on this one. This is looking little dicey. I'm not sure there's another way through. How big are the asteroids? Uh, that's a good question. They're like... Are they ship size? Do I think that if I were to don my dreadnought, that I would be able to perhaps collide them

or spin them out into space? They are very, like, medium ship size size, and the asteroid that, the asteroid that Hank identified, is larger than anything else by a significant margin. It's a mixture of sizes. of sizes, but they're very like, they're very medium to small, large.

If we are looking to steal, I could wipe these away with my other suit. I mean, how long is it gonna take you just to go out there and clear them one by one? I mean, I think just blast them out of the sky. What's it gonna do, escape? That's exactly what he would do. Yes.

Oh, oh, no, it takes a long drag on a cigarette. Well, then we just chase him. We just shoot him out of the sky. Is there anything, so do we have a hanger? Are there any smaller ships? You definitely have a hanger on the Rhapsody. You would know that for sure. It's the exact opposite end.

You're all towards the front head of the ship. If you were to run to the other end, you know that you would end in the hangar bay where all of your personal ships are. Why don't we take our own ships? Ooh, we even had a nice scramble since this morning. We had the scrambled eggs. That was not what I would call a nice scramble.

What eggs. Oh, you know, Kavir is a point. You're right. And then at least if the doctor tries to get away, well, we'd be able to give chase. We'd already be out there. All right. Fine.

That's how y'all want to do it. I want you all to understand. Fuel's awfully expensive in this economy. So I think firing a couple of lasers might be a little cheaper, but if we think that it'll be a little cheaper, it'll be a little stealth here to still shoot him anyway. You know, 95% of nothing and fucking nothing, right? It's a little bit less about stealth

and more about us being out there, ready to take on whatever comes out. Now, I don't necessarily mean we shoot the asteroids. With smaller ships, we can navigate through it. All right. What do you think, Captain? But it's up to you. I think Kavir is right.

Right? Can you keep an arm in, Do you have a rhapsody for me? I'll drop Hankor. That's pretty good. All right, buddy. We won't be long. I'll give him a scratch.

All right, let's get this over with. Can we take a short break? It's as you say that. Hank interprets, Hank enjoys the scratch behind his years. He always does it very familiar. He leaps into the seat, and as he hears, you say it's time to get this over with, he interprets that as you meaning, as you've said,

that it's time to just fire the blasts. Oh, no. So Hank, the, yes, Captain, and the four guns just unleash as the bombardment fires out. Oh, hey. And roll a ship attack roll. RET? Oh, we should have been more specific. Ooh.

How can you say? How many of this? So this is from your ship sheet? Probably two minutes. No, no, I said, how many attacks? To your previous question, two minutes. Oh, it's a cave-a-taxed. Oh, is this in the Google Doc?

Or is it just like a normal? Oh, no, I just roll it. Just roll it. Okay, it's, it is. Oh, plus eight, plus eight. I'm not gonna say it. Yeah, I missed it. 13.

13. Oh. So Hank's firing out this massive bombardment, pooling at the end of the Rhapsody's cannons, these giant, quaking, blue, purple, orbs of energy fire out. They move slow. They enter the asteroid field, and each one, as they reach an intended target, expands and explodes, evaporating the asteroids around it. you have easily cleared a pathway to the asteroid ahead of you.

Well. Oh, that's not quite what I meant, buddy. There's a moment of like silence as we watch to see if anything happens. Or if space is just quiet and now there's a path. We're all like, this is always quiet. Roll a perception check. Oh. I would be honored. This happens because you never tell him he's a bad dog.

Such a good dog. That's a great reference. 17. 17, with a 17, you take a moment. Oh, oh. We're wincing and then to see another rock collides in another one. And it's like, it's over.

That happens exactly. That's better than I was going to say. You wait. 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds. Feels like an eternity. There's no movement from the asteroid ahead of you. You get the sense that it's all good. Well, good job, buddy. You saved us on fuel,

and you saved us a hell of a lot of time. Well done. You know, I was with you, but, you know, I think Brett might be right. Usually is. And now we'll have the Rhapsody right nearby, in case we need it. Ah. You see anything on your scanners in terms of a place to

to land. He's right there. I'm just asking him. He says if you take out the hammerhead, your docking, your landing vehicle. He feels like he's located a space that the crew could land and explore the asteroid. One ship. Enough for one ship to land? Yes. Okay. You have a separate ship that houses like the bus. We had like one, yeah. You have like a Like a mini vat. Everybody piles into, you can, uh, yeah, I love it. It's like the, yeah, it's the turtle. Rhett's always driving the turtle.

There's like a dragon on the side of it. Like an 80s metal cover. It's like I take a U-ball where they used to come on the side. Yeah. This is how you travel through time. All right, let's get in the shuttle. Yeah. Chunkun!

Shut. You would all know that I need to get in first because I basically have to cannonball in my suit in the back. Like, yeah, I will, before I go to the hangar, I would go to my quarters, and I would pick up my ethereal engine. And I will, you'll see sort of in, I'm sort of wearing this harness that has these weirdly deep ports that look like they're going deeper than clothes would.

And there's this large kind of pack with all of these various arms, and there's these sort of tubes and canisters, and next to it is sitting this very large, sort of handheld heavy weapon. And I will take the engine, I'll put it on, and it'll sort of into the ports through my kind of jumpsuit, I guess. Grab the gun and I'll throw it over my shoulder and All right, I'm ready. Snaps onto your back so you can carry it effortlessly. And it's as you announce your plans to dock on the asteroid while you're on the deck, that you get an incoming video call that just appears on your screen.

Immediately you see the form of what can only be described as Triceratops-headed figure. with a black eye patch, a single black eye patch with a jolly Roger on it. And he says, I'm sorry, Rhapsody. I can't let you do this. Oh. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Star Fox reference. It's the Ironsides. Hey, everybody. Chuckled here. It's time for an ad read. This podcast is brought to you by our very own Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventras

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Thank you so much. I'll see you around. Having just cleared out the, on the deck in the command room of the Rhapsody, Hank has just fired a bombardment, clearing out the surrounding debris around the asteroid that houses, what you believe to house the bounty you seek. Having done so, a rival gang of bounty,

bounty hunters, the space pirates, the iron sides, have flown in attempting to take your bounty as that was all happening. I'm sorry, Rhapsody. I can't let you do that. Iron side! This bounty will be ours. Oh, bullshit. Do I, are there any alerts or do I get a sense of where, like, are they coming? Are they flying in at us?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good question. Yes, so Hank had been scanning the asteroid field directly in front of you, specifically searching to try and find where this Dr. Mays had been. So the radars hadn't been targeting kind of where any of their ships might have been approaching you. So they are just, they're coming in kind of directly at you from your port side and are pulling into space right next to you.

You can see this large, almost like brown and tan ship as it spins up and pulls, not directly alongside you, but it starts to spin to the side. As you can tell that it's pulling into space for, there's another way to say this, dogfight combat. Question. Yes, sir. You mentioned Ironsides.

How familiar is the rest of the crew with this group of pirates will say? Yeah, so I would say that everyone at this stage of traveling together has either had a run-in with the iron sides. At this point, probably everyone has had at least some run-in with the iron sides. Led by Bracken, a, like a Triceratops, Spac-Sorian Space Pirate with a Space Pirate Eye Patch and a really cool shit. So I'm totally justified in saying, I hate these guys. Oh, yeah. And you do. You do.

They're our Team Rocket, kind of. Yeah. There you go. We need to make these guys blaffed off again. All right, we can scramble. Yes. In the back of the shuttle, as I am. And I'm learning to end up.

The sirens. It's going nuts. Yes. It's going nuts. The sirens. You know that it's scramble a clock. It's go time. It's go time.

LaBouche, LeBouche to hangar bait, Labouche to hangar bait. I hit my helmet on the exit of the Volkswagen as I step out and it immediately bounces back into position, released from my great weight, and then I start clambering down the hallway. We all rushed down the hallway, Star Fox style. So you are coming down this hexagonal hallway.

You're running towards the hangar bay. Pike, Kavir, chuckles probably at the back, I'd imagine. Dandy kind of just like firing down and Rhett all geared up with the ather engine strapped on. You run straight down as you burst into the hangar bay. It's an enormous open room, two-tiered catwalks above you for mechanical purposes for fixing any ship that you could possibly want to. you see laid out in front of you three on each side, all of your personal ships, the Echo, the Sparrow, the Ragnarok, Dandy's Platform, the Clown Car, and then the Dreadnought.

As you run up, as we will enter into spaceflight dog ship combat, space dogfight combat, what's going to happen is, I don't know, space dog, Space dog ship combat. Rocking, back, back, back, rock it, rock, rock, back, rock, go. Dog shit combat. Here we go.

So, initiative is going to be decided by you all. We will go point by point. You will decide who goes first. And as you pick, you'll enter your ship. You'll move to the section of the hangar, and you will pull out into space. space. And then as you pick one, I will pick one. Oh, it's like a war game. What do we think? I think Pike is

first out of the hangar. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. With a couple, as I near the sparrow, with a couple bounds up the ladder, I plant one hand and swing my legs up into the cockpit using my other hand to pull the hatch down. I don my riding gloves, pop some buttons, turn the ignition, and thrust her off as the midnight's days of thunder blasts on my spare radio. And with the thrusters, I kick off, gain some space and I'm out, I'm out the window. You put your foot to the pedal and it's like shaking the hands

of an old friend. It falls comfortably into space. You kick in, you pull back on the clutch, you push forward on the thruster, your ship kicks off, floats for just a moment before it's straight out the hanger. You burst out of the Rhapsody. leaving it behind. Open space calls out to you, and you can see the Sorian ship directly ahead of you

as you take your space on the board. Oh, fuck. Yeah, where should we come in? Do you know the best way from the camera? What's the, should we? Do you want to just grab that, sucker? Pardon my reach? Oh, you need any more slack.

Why don't we put it down here so I can just control it? Okay, let's be easier. I'll be mindful of it. Not turtle. It should be good to run it behind the idea. Oh, yes. Careful. Should we be playing this music?

Oh. Not as maybe. I'm gonna do my best to run this. Which section should I, the planet side? Sorry. Yeah, just turned that a little bit. I imagine that's where we're going, right? You don't know, it's a great question.

I don't know if this is just for flavor or what I found it on the map. Yeah, let's do that side where so we can actually use some of the. Nebula, obviously. Naturally. We've been made. before.

Okay. So, you all can be, well, actually, you guys be towards the other side of the map. You deploy from that side. All right, I'm gonna deploy. And I'll deploy from this side. Then, you should be, how far, can we just be like, can he be here? Yeah, sure. We have deployment, folks.

We're playing some fucking Warhammer. Let's go. The sparrow. The sparrow is in flight. Oyo, oh, y. Suppressing fire. Nice. Squat-riff.

And if you would, On the other side, you know what was a good game? As they leave the other ship, you will see as it starts to pour out of the Sorian ship. Your enemy fighters. Who will go second? I'm gonna try to move them. Well, I want them to be visible. I can do this.

Who's going second? Let me do like out here then. Is this reasonable? I'm just so I want them to be on camera. Let's say, can go two squares out. Yeah, we'd probably go at the same time. I knocked my head against the Volkswagen door, so you make it just perform.

That's perfect. So as I run towards the echo, the echo's on the higher platform, so I'll kind of wade my hands and throw the sands out in front of me as basically like steps as I run up and then launch into the top of the echo. Oh, damn. Landing into the cockpit and then just punching it forward. You do so, the sands form quickly. You have to make simply three bounds before you can flip directly into the cockpit.

It closes around you in a simple. similar way, it kicks off from the ground. Helvers for just a moment until you punch out of the hangar bay and join Pike in space. Yeah, that probably makes sense. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, like on his.

Yeah, back, where we go. I think we're doing the Flying V. That's right, fans. Oh, yeah. Stay with the goose. Let's go. One more, as one more, Sorian jumps out. Do you want a more?

Do you want them more close together? Who is third? No, you can put them all right. You can put them all right. Put them on left. I think you're probably getting ready to go. I'm like, oh. I run up to what you can clearly see is a massive dreadnought,

a giant mitts, huge. It almost looks like, what's the name of the fucking guy ramps your walls in X-Men? He's the juggernaut. He's the juggerna. It's a juggernaut. It's a juggerna. It's a juggernaut.

It's a juggerna. The name of the ship. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what's going on here. I think it's big. It's IP. I would take three giant steps before hitting a few buttons on the front of my chest, and the pressure of my suit releases.

I would fold all of my boots and gloves and everything that folds with me as I pull into my helmet and roll forward like a Metroid ball, into the chest, cannonballing directly into the center of this giant Dreadnob robot. And as it closes, I become the nervous system as I ooze out. This would have been a machine, kind of like the workloader

from aliens, where it would have been hydraulically operated. And now I am the thing. And I take now another much larger step as I just jump out into space. You gotta have one of those Gundam slingshots. You're slits. You're planted into the board, and then it fires off as jets behind you,

careen you out into space. What noise do you make when you do you feel? Curious. Like the jets? That's my thing. Oh, shit. Yeah. It's the Macro.

What? You see that. Blakamo. Release from the Sorin Hanger Bay. As Bracken's personal. personal ship exits the hangar and takes place we should do that. On the field of battle.

Yeah, that would definitely be central and the others will spawn all around it. Who will go? Oh, sorry. Let's put it like here, so it's flat. But that's not strategically advantageous. I'm gonna blast that. Yeah, it's fine.

Who will go next? I guess you're going last, right? You can go next. Okay, I'll, I will run up. and I will just simply walk up to, I don't know how else to say it, it's a flying saucer. And with the appropriate clown-themed colors, I will literally stick my sticky shoes up

and walk up the side as the hatch opens. The dome will come down and the dome, the top of the dome, it has a similar antenna to my hat. And then both of the antenna of myself and the ships are, you're in sync. And then I'll just, all of the antenna, of these like goofy, literal cartoonish red buttons and levers and gears, and I'm just pressing this,

and I'm like, I don't really know what it is done. Okay, bobo, bo, bo. And then it'll, some lights will turn on and go, and I just Scoottypup Jr. in my way out. I'm definitely in the back. And you do so. You hop in and you spin these levers, crank these dials, push these buttons,

and you don't know what they do because they, in fact, don't do anything. It's not until you hit the giant red, clown-nose button that your engine wars to life. You do-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-up, and then you zoom calmly out of the hangar bay. Is that one? You could place that one on the mat.

And then who will go, if you wanna just tell me. I think Danny wants to go last, so I'll go next. Okay. I would be running down with, you know, clanking with these massive, you know, this massive sort of backpack basically, with all this machinery clanking around, and Hank would be running after me. And even though he has very tiny legs, he somehow keeps up. He, like, maybe his legs move like Mr. Crabbs.

And he's barely keeping up with me. And then I will hit a few buttons on my arm as I get to the hangar. And you see this very large, broad, boxy vehicle, almost like those giant sort of cube or square ships from Dune with like a massive on the front, you see sort of tanks of glowing purple ether on either side, and I'll hit a button, and instead of it being a cockpit, there'll actually be a door that sort of pneumatically shoots down, and Hank and I will run up the door, and it'll close behind me as I run up, and we both get into our respective seats as I press the thrusters forward, and I will shoot out right behind everybody here.

And you do so, you hop into your vehicle, and it's hard to tell whether it you plug into it or it plugs into you. Exactly right. As the engine, the ether engine, wears to life. It spins, you can fuel its core draw on your person, and the energy powers into your ship

as it comes to life and you exit the hangar. And then you can place. Landmaster. You just place both the... that and whatever. That's my final smash, I would put back. Landmaster, get out of you.

Prieta, sports. Poison, I don't prefer to you. And then, Dandy, Dandy, you run into the hangar bay. You find a pad that has been built into the ground by Red. It has that familiar ether tubing, piping coming away from it. As there's a spot where clearly you stand onto it.

As you do, the energy seems to pull from the air around you. It courses through the pad and up into you. As you throw your arms back and you go pure white as the theme to Sailor Moon plays, and you spin around and your form changes into a massive teradactyl. as you take flight and you careen out of the hangar bay and infused with the cosmic power of ether. Scree!

And the pad, basically, it's a big sort of stone pad with these arcane, like, magical energy running through it. There's a big picture of Dandy's face smiling, and then when she stands on the top right-hand corner of the screen, there's a little feather icon at times 50. It's just a flight pad from Tandhi's a. Incredible.

You have all been messaged your ship sheets with a brief breakdown of the rules of space combat. Have I? Spaceship dog fight combat, if you would refer to it. And Pike. I would like to make one proposal. Please. Because these hexes are four times the size of other hexes,

five feet per movement is going to put me somewhere over there. So, it should be 10 per, I would say let's change it to 10 per hex. That's totally fine. Just because otherwise I'm going to start driving over RIA. At this scale. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So it doesn't really say how far I can

shoot, but I can move 60 feet, which will be six hexes. I realized pretty quickly that I didn't include ranges on anything. That's okay. That's right. In space, nothing is right. I'm going to move, I'm going to start to fly forward, and I'll move 20 feet. 20 feet with where I feel like I might be in range of this ship. Yeah, absolutely. And I will take my blasters action, which I can use twice only if I choose this as my action.

Does that mean in addition to moving, right? Correct. Alright, so then I will make two attacks, two blaster attacks. I have plus eight to hit. This guy doesn't have a number, but he's right here. So I don't know what... Let me... You can go clockwise, just write like a one, two, three, four, five on them.

I got you. If you want them? Yeah, so then I'll attack number one. where it's visible. One, two, three. All right, so I'll roll twice. Roll G20 twice. Yep. First one's a 16 to hit. That hits?

Second one is a 26 to hit. That hits. So I will roll 4D6 plus 12. 6, 10, 14, 19, plus 12, plus 12 is 32 points of damage. 31 points of damage, thank you. I was up at one. And then I need to use the rest of my four movements.

So I'm gonna move turn, move, move, move turn. And that would have been 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, move fly over here, 60. And now I'm showing my bare bottom to the enemies, as that is my whole turn. But I have done 31 points of damage. to ship number one. Got it.

That was a pretty good start. So I fly it and light this guy up with my blasters as I kind of straight up. You kick the pedal down, you put, just explosion from the back of your engines as you race forward. Peppering this enemy as you just blast at the front of their ship. You start to, as you're coming to almost carey with them, you pull off to the side and easily shake out of the way. However, exposing your back, making it easy for them to follow up behind you. you. And we'll go with Monster ones who will do just that. I'd like to

see him try. Well, you're going to stay tuned. I can't shake him! And if you could help me out, he's going to move forward, he's going to try and get as close to the... He's pointed the wrong correct. Yeah, well, he's going to turn.

Forward turn. Yeah. Yeah. So you can turn within your current cell. You have to move forward. You have to move forward before you can turn. So that's what I was going to say, and then turn. And then where would you like to go straight ahead? Just forward? And then which turn again?

Yeah, you know where I'm going. Yeah, good luck. Pike. Yeah, good luck. Got you in my side. Do we have a bonus act or reaction to barrel roll by any sense? Everyone has special, if you have it, it's on your sheet.

Oh, Park, do a barrel roll. You can do it, it's on your sheet. I'm trying. He'll just get right, he'll just get right up on you if you can go forward one more. That's full movement? But, two, so that's 20. Yeah, that was only two square.

He'll get right up on you. Just get up in there. Yeah, you ain't shaking this, good luck. Yeah, okay. And he will fire the same, two attacks at you for a 20 and a 25. That was both hit. But at least he's not on your app.

You don't know. I mean, no. I mean, no. Oh no, that goodness. But you don't know. That's a terrible thing. What an awful thing. I don't want to have a big scary daughter.

It's a man to be in my mind. Oh no. And you'll take 14 points of damage as he comes in with the blasters and does the same to you. This is Kit-E-Zan? Okay. Kvier. It's you.

All right. I can move if you want to dictate their... Yeah. I'm trying to think with this. This. I would do here. So as we start, you have to move this way. Right.

You have to move there. What is it? I have 50. So that's 10, 20, 30, 40, 50. And then I, can I, I can turn. Consider your standard firing range at like 40 feet. Oh, okay. That's still help me based on the angle here.

One, two, three, four. You can have that right. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah, let's hit two hexes forward. Two, three. And then turn. And then, so I could fire from there. Yep.

Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I'll go ahead and attack. And what is this? The butt. So your butt's exposed. Why do you close your butt?

Is every attack two? No. So you have like a standard attack. Right. If you choose that, you can do it twice. If you choose another action, you can't do your standard attack. Right, right. Okay, but my standard attack is twice.

Okay, got it. I'm gonna roll two here. Yes, we're six. We're level six. plus seven, 22, and a 21. Both of those hit. Both hits. Good hits. Good hits. And then, so now I just roll for the damage, right?

What am I rolling for the damage, sorry? The D20s again? Which should be all in there. So this is, uh, no. My regular attack isn't here. I have passives and then my... Imperial guns, blasters. You can use this twice only if you choose this action. 2D plus seven.

I didn't reach far enough. No, that's all good to. It's what all your four. These are there. So now I gotta remember what the eights are. This is the diamonds, right? The eights are the diamonds, yeah. All right, so we'll roll.

Nice. Nice damage. Plus seven is 15. Three plus seven is a 10. All right, to the total. The plus the total, right? You just plus the ones. Okay, so 11, so 18 damage.

Mm-hmm. And because I hit them, they get the sands of time. Oh. So at the start of the target's turn, it is really. Okay, so I guess I'll apply this one your monster goes. Right? They take damage in the start of their turn?

At their turn, yeah. They take two D6 damage at the start of their turn. That's number five. Yes, for number five. So number five took, what was that, 18 points of damage? Should do more than just that, I think, if I remember correctly. It will if it falls below 10 health.

I was gonna save that for- Oh, okay. You let me know if it falls before 10-Helf. Did both your attacks hit? Both of them hit, yeah. Then you need to roll another 2D8 plus seven, because you only wrote 1D8, 2D8s plus 7, right? Or is it only you can use?

2D8 plus 7. Oh, oh. Each gun does 2D8. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so if you roll two attacks,

they both, it's 48 plus 14. 4. 11, so 11 and 18, so 29 damage total. Very cool. Thank you. Plus applying the passive. There we go, yeah. Awesome.

I'll just write that down. And just let me know if they fall below 10-hill. Got it. And then where do you want to move for your last two? I'm actually going to stay there. You gotta use your full movement out. Oh, I have to use my full movement. Thank you.

That's why I had to review my bum hole. One, two, three. I was wondering why you're... Gotta keep moving. Oh, yeah. And I wanted to peel away, and I don't want to drive into their territory, you know? Do you have to move where you're heading?

You can turn you can turn. But I have to move a cell to turn. You can turn. I can't turn now. You actually went here and then turn and move, so you can turn here before you move. Yeah, because when you entered the square, you could have turned, I guess, technically.

So I didn't use the turn. Well, I mean, I feel like you have to move one then turn. Oh yeah, that's right. You gotta stay, you gotta stay pointed to fire. Then you can move forward and turn. So I would do the same thing. I would go forward one and then make the heart right.

At least you didn't show him your ass. Sure if I can. That's not, oh, it's 66. Got it, okay, got it. That's reasonable. Look, you're okay. He's gotta do a lot to get to it. They have to use their full movement.

Yes. Right. You're actually a safer position. Right, that's what I thought. Well, like I said, I didn't want to go off into the black hole over here and die. You know, like, there's nothing here. I would have no clips, you know.

We're really bad if you went over into the cartoon land. We need a floating text, and you can just move it. You just hit the edge of the universe. Diagnit number two. So my ship number two will fly towards whoever's the front at the party back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're gonna go one, two, how much movement do they have?

50. Three, four, term, five. Okay. And we'll attack twice. It's not a move of time. It doesn't take attack. Just do one side each. Got it.

One is it 20? One is a natural one. To attack me? Uh-huh. Does it hit? Yeah. Okay, obviously that hits, but. Only one hits, no hits.

One hits. I'm going to react. I'm gonna spend 10 feet of movement to enter into evasive maneuvers. Nice. That's sick. By four until the start of my next time. What does that bring your AC to?

22. Nice. Okay. Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll! As the Sorian ship approaches you and it starts firing off your blasters, your primal instincts kick in, as you easily sway from side to side in between the blasts as the lasers fire at you, you dodge them effortlessly.

Labush. Dandy, what's your aft? I'll turn, so one, turn, go two. That's my maximum movement. Oh, it's not. Is it really? When we cut everything in half? You have 20. I have 40 feet of movement.

That's fine. These are 10. Oh. 10. We just double the. No way. You're fine. You can still, you can still.

I'm like to go one point. It's all just pies. That's 30. Fuck him up. Will Bush? He has two targets, potentially. That's true. You could come around here.

Well, I feel like, immediately blowing my ship. Do it. Blow your shit. Which way are you going? You want to go this way or this way? I'm going to use my ability here and now before I make determinations about movement. I say Dandy, watch your aft, and I see the one that's shooting and coming towards Dandy,

and I see the one that's shooting and going after Pike, and I will, both of my wrists will unhinge on the suit, and I will reach out for one and reach out for the other, and I will attempt to grab both of them. They need to make a dexterity saving throw. each of those two targets because they're both within 30 feet of men. You unhook the wrists of your juggernaut armor. You put your hands out in their directions

and then almost like rockets kick in. You fire your arms out for longer than they would go normally and you attempt to grab onto both targets. You can see this long cable that finally reaches its zenith before attempting to grab on. Sticky hands in machines. Five and an eight. They both fail.

I grab onto the top of one and you hear this, if you could hear in space, a crunch. And then I grab the back of the other one and then all of a sudden the cables tighten and pull forward and I use both of their momentum to collide them in midair. What? Smash. They both fail.

Are either ships under 50 hull points? They're not. They are not. Jesus. Okay. Well, I need to get my baggie a knife out. I say these are hefty, hefty boys. I wonder what that. Real space pirates.

I did like 31. Oh, 12. One, two, three, four. We got some fight ahead of us here. Yeah. Okay, that's gonna be 10, 22, 27, 36 plus. That's 40, 44. I'm going to do 52 points of damage to both of them.

as they collide in mid-air. Wait, which ones were those? One and two. One and two. And it was 50, how many? 52. What do you just say? 52 points of, of, uh, and that's one and two.

Is that your one today special? Yeah. I love that. Let's go. Why not? That's right. I can't wait to use mine. Now I have to use the rest of my movement, and I believe I've already used my heading turn.

So let's find out how collisions work, if I necessarily have to collide into the ship in front of the ship in front of them. of me. Okay. Okay. Uh-huh. More so than you've already caused. Let's, um, let's roll a, uh, oh, let's roll an athletics contest against whoever you'd like to collide with. Uh, I'll, I have to, I have to go into that guy. Okay. Athletics contest. Yeah. Um, do I use my, I don't know if I have athletics as a ship. Is that, am I using my, uh, D&D stuff for, for athletics? Or am I using this?

Add your, whatever your normal to hit was. Oh, okay. Dirty 20. Nice. Contest. It's a 19. Wow. Nice.

What is your normal, like, auto attack punch damage? My juicer would be 2D10 plus 8. Oh, this guy's test. Oh, God. He's space atoms. He's just space junk now. So you, you are. You fire out your hands.

You, as the, you pull them back easily. You slam these two ships together in front of you, and then you charge forward, and you bash into the first ship and you deal whatever, and roll on a tie. I do, that's gonna be 13, 21 points of additional bludgeoning damage as I crash into him. I will release the other ship, and I think I'm just spinning around before I finally release and go my final movement and get on the other side. Is that a fair way of putting it on?

But yeah, absolutely. Okay. And you smash these ships together. You charge for your momentum can't be stopped. As you move through ship one, you shatter its hull and it separates into destroyed. All right. You can see that its pilot will say ejects as it sees you coming. Oh shit. And you see this, this Sorium pilot eject out. and it flies back to the main ship. And it is dead. You hear a rare laugh from Laboosha's calm. Beautifully done.

You saved me. That was some sick teamwork. Oh, the ball goes now. That's why I'm here. It's the ball off its turn. Good effort so far, but you won't beat us to the doctor. There's someone floating in space. What?

Are you coming? Finally. I've floated for months. Oh shit, who's that? Incredible. It will fly forward just twice. Turn. Oh, God. No, no, no. It'll turn so it's targeting

Rhett. It's going to have to... It's going to go further. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Well, you get to get close now. Yeah. What's his movement? Two, two in that turn. 50. 50? Maybe you can make it there. four. Turn.

He's good. He's in dead rights. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep, yep. And you'll see this ship as it moves forward. The front of it has a large circular hull. It has two giant cannons that come out from the front.

And it has kind of like a bulbous body that forms behind it with one single enormous blaster jet. As it takes aim on you, you can see both cannons wore up and start to fire out these giant orbs of white and green energy as the approach. Don't you do that. And I will have a 19 and a 22. Yeah, those both are.

Do you have any kind of, you gotta have some kind of... Oh, well, we'll see what kind of damage is. Okay, all right, all right. I thought you had some... Fulbarity! Shield tank! Oh fuck! Three, three, three, bang, Hank! So as these orbs fly out and each one lands on you,

let me roll here. Is Hank got a little R2D2? Pog. Or is he still on the ship? Oh, that was really good. That's fucking good. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Holy shit. 36 points of damage. And as the blasts land on you, they explode and pulse and they damage everyone around you. What type of damage is this?

Juggles, oh! It is forced damage. Yes! Yes! Chuggles, you may roll a deck save. Oh, well, thank goodness he didn't target. Oh! 36, 46? What did you say?

36 points of damage. So as I say, full power to shield, You'll see the ether tank sort of glow and hear this almost like whirring and clunking. As I get hit, there's almost this like pink purple shield flash over the ship as I get blasted. And I'm resistant to force damage. Mm-hmm.

So I take 18. 18. What's that? Is it 18? Yes. 18. Did you roll? Jockels?

I got a 15. Oh. Is this my house? Yes. You would dread me. I believe so. Okay. That's a good point, actually.

Yeah, I'll have dredgy. You sound like that. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, no, I got a 14. Oh, nice, you failed. Oh, right? You got dread. I just heard of them, yeah.

That was really good. That was calling for dread. You take full damage and it's all force damage. Oh, God, how much is that? 36. Oh, my whole point. I need a marker. Now it's time for you.

get revenge. Oh, you need a marker? Here. Provided the balls. Do you want to check your health? Oh, he's got ten more movement though. He does that movement. He means. He will turn directly to the right and move forward. He can't. He has to move and then turn, right? Well, I don't think he's moved yet. Only on the first move. So he doesn't turn yet. So he could turn and he could move this way. Right there. Yep. You fool. You've fallen right into the classic trap. Oh, Pike is coming for that. After getting blasted by this explosive cannon, I'll be spinning around and there's actual canaries around my head tweeting.

There's spirals in my eyes, space canary, and I'm just go, one, two. I'm just doing it. You're going right up his aft. Straight up the porthole! Three. I'm so fucked. You can't find a more secundus way to do that,

so you don't necessarily go straight up as a porthole. Wait, you entered into this square and you haven't turned yet, or you already turned? I already just turned. You're gonna bump him. That's his aft. Yeah, bump him in the aft. Right in the aft.

You made the fatal flaw of leaving your aft code. prepare for my die move, and I'll press a big button that just has pie on it. As I press an out of the ship from the bottom of the saucer will be a large gloved hand on a metal spoke, with just a gigantic pie on it. And I don't know if this actually does anything

from the aft, but basically I'm going to use, and I will look at them and I'll put on like aviator sunglasses and I'll say, hunker, hunker, hunker. right in the aft hole Honka, hunkah, honga, honga, bitch. And I'm going to yeeat the pie

into his aft. And a more elderly clown in your mind. Use the hunk. So I roll a D6. I don't know if anything happens because I'm at his aft and I threw a pie. Well, if you roll for attack, I think you get advantage on the attack.

So I just roll a D6, I think. So, It's funny that you would approach the iron sides from behind. Oh. Normally, you would enjoy advantage with your positioning, but against Bracken in the Iron Hyde low armor is a normal attack. However, activating your Honka, Honka, Honka ability,

you do roll a D6. Okay. He's got a big aft. I got a three. They used to call us the iron behinds. This is so you can't make this up. You're as you smashed the button, and you're exactly correct. A little opens up in the back of your UFO,

and a metal arm extends out and flips open and catapults at Bracken a cream pie. And you may roll 4D10 damage plus your ass. It will explode. I don't know how best it represent this, but as it lands and explodes, it will cover the space that he is in, and every square around it with a creamy exterior, making it difficult terrain.

Are we gonna use this map again? Let's just draw on it. Do we have like a lighter marker? Just put a paper towel around it. Underneath it. I don't know if we'll show up. This is the, this way. Jakey thing, you're fighting over to the last tower?

Yeah. It might not show up on TV very well. And then here's mine. What is that? That's different. You can see it. Oh, yeah. It's good enough. Yeah, it's good enough.

That's difficult terrain. You say that includes the space. It's difficult space. It would include, it is it landed and as. Is that what we're saying is difficult terrain? Yeah. It's difficult space terrain. Yeah, well, now he's really.

It's challenging. As you, my God, 36 points of standards. of damage. And I have two movement left, but I'll just use one and still, oh, wait, I can't pull off, I can't pull up. I made a miscalculation.

They came from behind. How much damage of the pie now? 36, I believe. 20. Hold on. 38, 38. So the rules do you say they can't occupy the same space. So something will happen, but, you know, I don't know. You'll probably bounce off.

Athletics. Problem test. Oh. Orio explode into space junk. Oh. Oh. That's pretty good. Oh.

What do I add to that? You can add your... There's no vertical movement in space for now. 24. 25. That's all... Oh, wow. Like the fucking guy in the pot ice.

Brze. Just fireball. This is fireball. Raising. You, as your arm launches out this cream pie at his half, it explodes. Spreading creamy pie all throughout space. Leave it the tiles.

Tell you something sex-past me. Yikes for me, dog. But you can't pull up. You're stuck in your own cream pie residue. And you drive straight into the back of Bracken's reinforced hall. and you take 14 points of damage. That's not too bad. And you bounce back off and end where you were.

Damage? Was that real? So he, oh no. Oh yeah, no, he did. Yeah, you're right. So yeah, that's a little rough. So it's the same way, it's not like a scatter die or anything? I just, you just bounce back.

You just ram in. Like a bumper car. Yeah. Bint-dink, ding. Oh, monster's three. Which one was three? Three. Will attempt to fly towards LaBouche.

If I. Can. Yeah, so it's facing the direction. Yeah. Do you want it? Does one, two, three, four. Well, there's anything. What I said, they have 50 feet of movement.

So what I would say, for future reference, I think it makes sense to like start your attack one square away. So you have room. So that when you move, you can turn and you're not automatically in the way. Yeah, yeah, right. Let's do that.

So that's what, if I was this intelligent pilot, which I'm not saying that he's intelligent, he's this guy's, you know, goon. He does that thing you said, any rules to a town. Okay. I'm in Ironside. They pay me an ice cream.

12 and 23. 12 and 23 to you, Derek. 12 and 23 are you? Oh, for what? Hey, see. The 12 misses. I love chunky monkey. I love this guy.

I hope he doesn't die horribly. A great big bush. We're gonna take me a prisoner's situation. You take 20 points of laser damage as the Sorian lasers fire off and land in your dreadnought armor. Bov, bo as they collide with your chest. If I'm was made to withstand lava on planet. I laugh.

All right, I'll finish by movement. I'll finish by movement heading towards Bracken. It's dull. So, um, so. And then, because he has a turn, yeah, right? It would be move one, then he could go this one, then he could turn again, and then he could go that way. Yep.

All right, perfect. That's nice. One, two, three, four. Yeah, yeah. I can, I, do I have to move first or can I attack? You can move first. You can attack. You can attack.

I think you could attack. You can attack. You just have to move your full movement. The issue is that you have to attack on the, on the in the direction. Yeah, I think technically, It's a marker that would be a cone. It's a cone. Right?

So that would be like this and he would be good. Right? Like we'll have to make it, we'll have to make like a cone marker. You could hit Bracken and Chuckles. Yeah, you could just blast Chuckles and get him out of this campaign for over. This is convenient. I'm waiting my whole lot for this. So if I'm facing this way, I have to go that way.

Yeah. For the first. But then you want me to be facing this way, we'll just get it to you. Because you didn't deploy your own. Yeah, we just, either way. So I'm trying to think that, what would the range of my ultimate be?

Would that be still 40 feet? 40 feet. Okay. One, two, three, four. So this is a difficult terrain. You gotta, it's an orb of pie bits. How is it? How hard is it to go through the difficult? Half movement.

Yeah, you have half of my, if I have, can I just go into this space? Yeah. Sure. You're gonna get cream pie. I don't know. I wouldn't do that. Don't do that. It's a terrible.

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you, I don't know. You do you, man, but. I'm just, I'm just wanna play this out. So one, two, two. This is very tactical. This is very tactical. Why don't you, why don't you flip me back? I can't turn that fast, can I?

Yeah. Well, it's about, hold on. If you go one and then turn this way, and then one and turn this way. I'm gonna go one. That's fine. And then one, two, three, four. three, four.

It's fine. And I will, I'll turn to hang. So now we're never, buddy. And I'll be my sort of cybernetic eye, which is my left eye, yes, my left eye. Oh, shit.

No, but it's my right eye. We'll start to sort of like glow this green color as it makes all these calculations and you will see Hank sort of like starting to grow like, like he's powering up these Goku. You'll see this main ether cannon and start to glow with this purple, deep blues,

and almost like this sort of black magic as all of the tanks of ether are sort of draining and powering this cannon. And I will use, what's it called? Dark Star Missile. And the cannon will go, it's like the Hunan Canon from Final Fantasy. cannon from Final Fantasy several.

That obliterates Rufus Shinra. And I'm going to shoot it here. If I can just pick a space to shoot it. Yeah. You can't pick a space to shoot. I'm going to shoot it here. McKin just turns. I'll do this. You can.

Yeah. So one, two. So unfortunately Dandy's in it, but she's fast. One, two, he's in it. That's fine. One, two, three, one, two, one, two, three. Well, if it's like a space, Anyway, basically everybody here... Everyone except for Chuckus.

Is it a three-nex radius? No, no, everyone except Chuckles and Pichas. Yeah, we're good. I love that. That's the darkest star I've ever seen. Oh, that's pretty cool. It's a black hole. So it will fire off, and then after it shoots 40 feet, it will go...

As this ether will almost, like, turn into this dark black hole, almost like, dark star. And you will see the ship starts to kind of... like careen over and get dragged towards it. So everybody's- You pull up this energy into your main cannon. It drains the tanks. Hank is powering up like Sungoku.

As this orb forms at the end of it, purple, and at its very core, just a small dot of pure black, as it fires off into that space at first, you think, a dud? What's happening? Nothing's occurred. and then suddenly, and a black orb exists as purple swirls out from it

and creates almost a whirlpool as it starts to draw everything around it into its influence. Okay. See you guys. So the initial attack, because I didn't target anything, I'll just skip that damage, I think that's fine, but it leaves a 30 foot radius gravity pulse

in the target zone for 30 seconds. A target that starts his turn there takes 2D10 force damage, and must make a strength saving throw. On a failure, the target can only move half at speed from the center. Any target within the sphere moving towards its center moves at double its speed. Any target with a sphere

moving towards its... Oh, I see. If you're going towards it, you go double. Because you're getting sucked in. You're getting sucked to hell. Yeah. Same radio, where are you at? So that will be... So, there it is. That's my... Oh, I have to move, don't I? So it doesn't do anything now?

If I had, like, targeted him, would have done a ton of damage, but I didn't understand that before I used it, so that's fine. So I moved, I moved one. So you can turn it. I can turn here? Yep. Yeah. Two, three, four. Can I turn here and just end my turn? Yes. Yeah, yeah. That's it. All right. So does it do damage if they get to the gravity center?

Or from here on out it doesn't do any damage and maybe it helps to go on. It does damage every time you start your trial within that. within that massive sphere. Oh, oh, geez. So hang on, so you're saying, so 10, 20, 30, and then basically. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy. What a mess. What a mess. How are we gonna get out of this one? Two, three. I might be going in there. Yeah, I think it's okay. This one. Hold on. As long as we're doing this.

All right, so Monsters 4, I believe, as Labouch is demonstrating, I start within the influence of the Dark Star. Yes. Okay. So that is. I don't put that. It like just misses me.

Wow, you lucky son of a gun. It's out this way. Hey, you're literally a son of a gun. Are you a son of a gun? So it's, who's going? So it's ship four. Okay. It took, you're in it.

You're in at, yeah. It took, you can see as you look out that as this dark star expands, and all these ships begin in its influence, you could see almost the hull on this ship begin to wear and buckle under the pressure of the sheer gravity that draws it in. And whether or not it intends to,

it moves two squares closer to the center of the star. Do you help me out? Oh yeah, sorry. This guy. I'm so spaced. So one, two. Yeah. But that's only one movement because he's faster.

Yeah. If he wants to move away from it, he has to make a strength saving or else he's half speed away from it. Got it. Oh, that's a good point. Oh, wow. When this happened, so I have a reaction to evade this, and I'm wondering if I can do that, like, when you put that,

when you put that thing down, can I evade it? You've used that already. Oh. So you have one reaction until it's your next turn. Okay, got it. So on your turn, your reaction will refresh. Got it. Okay.

Darn. Okay. It rolled a 15. What is my first? What is my D, oh, is it, it says here. I think that's included there. I think that barely passes. So we can move normally.

So it will turn and turn to the left and fly and turn to the left again and then angle towards rec. There'll be a lot of friendly fire in this back fight. Let me tell you, everybody about a buckle of a fucking. And roll twice to attack. That's a bullet here. 19 and 13. 19 hits.

14 points of force damage. Force you say. All the lasers from the ships are all force. Perfect. Lucky, log, bugger. And that is dandy. So with this thing that I'm in, I have to go towards it.

Is that what you're saying? No, you're not. move away from it. If you're trying to move away from it, you have to make a strength saving throw. You can still move away from it. You just, it basically halves your movement. Got it.

So you need to, you have to go here. So that takes 20 or? Oh, you take 20. You take 2D10 damage. Oh, you take 2. Yeah. It's not automatically. I did, I did. Is it nine points of damage?

10 to enter and then 20 to get out of it or it takes you 20 to get into this space? Oh, I know. It's once you're in the space, I think it's 20. Then it's 20 to get out. 10 to get it. 10 to get it out. Okay.

Like you said, nine points of damage? Nine points of damage. Right. And technically you'd move twice as far, but the pie stops you. So I wanna get out of this. Maybe I'm gonna turn this way. You wouldn't be able to, you can only turn one face at a time.

Yeah, and you got ships on either side. You can, you will probably take damage, but you. You could like fly around it like this way. Yes. But it'll be slow. Well, no, no, no, it's speeding you up. Oh, oh, oh. Although.

So it's just normal. If you're flying. So right now it's just normal, but now you're trying. Now you make strength saving throw to see how much movement you have left. So make a strength saving throw. Once you get here. Because they negate each other, right? This is like calculus.

Yeah, this is wild. Holy. This is some wild shit. What is my strength? These are some cool ability. It's all done. Plus eight. Okay, so 18.

18. So that passes. Oh, it's his DC. So now. So this is still difficult terrain. I'm a. Unless you want to keep going this way. 60.

40 movement right now. 60. Okay. you want to go here. I'm gonna go ahead and go with the smaller guys right there. Okay. And that's 50 feet of movement. Okay.

You will have 60 feet of movement. Yeah. So you have to move into one of these squares. Oh yeah, okay, so I'll stay here for now. So I'm gonna. Yeah, you'll wanna turn in. Yeah. I'm going to cast, well, you have to be, yeah.

So I'm gonna cast the magma, magma shot that I have. So the taradactal, how you. has jets on it, we're gonna say not hands? Wing jets. Wing jets, yeah, wing cannons, okay. Wing cannons that are going to shoot at, let's say, this one. That's one.

Or the name of this guy right? I think you have to shoot the one in front of it. Oh, it do great. Yeah. I don't know what number that is. That's number five, yeah. Give the business. Do I need to do Tahir?

Yeah, I can't. You can't. You roll to hit. Just one, right? That's a natural 20. Natural Twyreys. You're flying through pie stuff. There's fucking dark star next to you.

There's primal incidents. You're having it all the way through this. You're like, I love it. You really earned that natural. You thread the needle. The cry of a terra-actyl cries out. And you get to roll again, to attack him again. You're Tom Cruise in the Kobayashi Marinas.

He does it in under two minutes. You can let it again. That's ten. You're mixing. You're mixing. It's close enough. He's close enough. It does do in 11 parts.

I really love Gannon. Gannondolph. Gannondolph. Gannondolph in a goblet of flagging of fire. You're a wizard link. 25 damage. Which one? Number five.

Oh, quick math. How much? How much damage? How much damage? 25. Oh, is it below 10 health? Actually, I think it's not below 10 health. If you've got over here,

use your password prock at all? On the start of it. on the starvice. You're actually, soon. You have soon. I am gonna say, before I move, is it okay to do this before I move? I'm gonna do a star scream,

which is where I literally like, and then all of the ships within 30 feet, so I think that includes this one, right? You said that was before you move? Yeah, so actually includes one, two, three, four. And me. That's actually, and chuckles and rap. That's everyone except for.

Enemy targets. Oh, I'm safe. Yeah. They have disadvantaged and they cannot have reactions. Oh, these guys are boring. So, bring it on. And then now you. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's like a GMP. On their next roll. On their next roll. You're like rolling us before you do it. Yeah. Oh, she's gonna do the thing! And I get to giant fingers and just plund the nose. Taranacto like winks with this big old, like, crusty island.

I can't hear it over D's of Thunder. I assume that when you said you were gonna star scream, you're gonna be like, but met ametrogent, I don't wanna do that! Why are you in charge? I'm supposed to knowing DeSeptica! It's a primal star scream, so it's a little more. Sorry. Yeah. lovers of Starscream.

Where's the first one? The Starsk fans are not welcome here. They're not welcome. Oh, you just damage? Yeah, it starts with N. So, Rich, you can roll it. Oh. It takes four D6 damage, by the way.

Or four damage. Oh, it takes four damage from you? From my passive. Oh, yeah. And seven points of damage from the gravity. Oh, is it? Oh, God, it's like one. Is it?

It's close. Oh, that's close. It's close. Okay, it will fly forward. It's this one, yeah. That's fine. And then it'll turn and try and fly straight through the star and come out the other side.

Oh, he's getting frost. What an idiot. I love ice cream! I love ice cream! I have ice cream! I'll say I'll roll a string save at disadvantage. He's gone. You have to roll a disadvantage.

That's all point and laugh and that's... Oh, I have to roll a disadvantage anyway. Is this double disadvantage? You just not roll. You don't even get a chance. 14. That fails. Fails.

My DC. Why don't you prock the damage again, Rhett? Because I'm flying straight through the star. Is the damage at its core way worse? Is it the 2D10 or is it the 4D12 plus 8 from the missile? I think it's 142. 42? 22.

210? I mean, probably 4D12. You're in the heart of that. I mean, you know, they're paid in ice cream. Yeah. He just drove. He's in Interstellar. He's trying.

He's done that. I have foreseen this. This little maneuver is going to cost me the rest of my life. Uncle Andrews. Oh, my gosh. 22. What's the fucked up line that wolf says the fox about? 35 points of damage.

Oh, no. 30. 8. 43 points of damage. 43. points of damage? He's fucked. Yeah, he's got fucked. He gets the same to time on him, too.

He pulls in and attempts to seize the center of the Dark Star core and attempts to just go right above it to get to support to his team, get over to LaBouche, as the core reaches up and grabs onto the ship, pulling it into its blackened heart and crushes it and disappears, and there's no ejection. Did we just murder that guy? Sure did! Get it! Get on!

Which ones are gone now? That was... Five and one? Five and one, yeah. That sucks. Pike's turn. There was a very brief moment of ejection. Knowing... It was like that guy you get sucked out of the plane in executive decision starring Kurt Russell.

Being the absolute ace pilot, that Pike is, I'm going to use all 60 feet of movement to go 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, turning to line up, knowing that this guy will no longer be there due to amazing calculations and physics that I'm just a nice pilot. And lining everybody up, I'm going to, I'm shouting into the comms as I make this incredible ace maneuver arc and I yell, uh, jockels, Rhett, look out! as I use my pillar of radiance. Oh. And I'm going to, I'm going to find it.

You just hear out of the table like that. No, no, no, it's my . I scream, I scream as I thrust. Yeah. I'm going to use fire an arcing beam of radiance that deals 5D12 to targets on a line, 10 feet wide, and 50 feet long. So 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Sorry, guys. It doesn't say roll a hit.

I don't know if they have to make an evasion, or some sort. Yes, yes. Everyone will attempt to make a Dex save at your DC of 16. They're disadvantaged. It will fire, it fires in two,

it covers two squares. Oh, does it? Because this said, it's intended. Well, it says 10 feet wide. It's one square. Yeah, well. It's aligned for now.

Thank you. I appreciate it. It's intended to be multiple. That's fine. We're going to smoke these guys. They're at disadvantaged. My boys are straight up. Let's go.

Good luck. You mean two squares wide? Yeah. Two hexes. On a normal. All of Matt is intended to be two squares wide. This is the big boy. I'm gonna start rolling my damage

and take me more long. You punch, you swing around. The sparrow responds to you as effortlessly as if you had called an animal home for dinner. You pull your ship around and you punch the blasters forward. You flip off the edges

and tap the dual buttons at the same time. This central cannon under your ship spurs to life. It crackles with energy and fights and fires out this beautiful golden arcing blast swirled with magenta and crackling lightning. Described even better than I could. As it just begins to dissenter, well, I don't know, how much damage did you do? I rolled ones and twos and elevens and twelfths for 29. Wow. And what's hit? Oh, wait, hang on.

Can I twist this? Yes, please. There we go. Yes. I pass. I think the, yes. I think the, yes. Yes. So 29 points of damage. I assume they take half. And these guys will take full if they fail with disadvantage thanks to Andy. Oh, fuck. That's right. Who's the first one?

To be fair. The first one is number two. 15. What's the DC? Oh, 16. Oh, it's 16. They're all 16. It's all.

Not very creative. No, that's fine. They're all 16. It's a good way to start. It's very uniform. Racked, Brack and take it. 29 points. They take full. My boys take half. Oh, which ship was that? The first one that got hit?

Two. Number two. You rolled a disadvantage, yeah? Yeah, I did roll a disadvantage. I did roll a disadvantage. It was radiant damage, right? Yes, it is radiant damage. And then Bracken takes 29 as well. Yeah, get wrecked. Bracken, you're loser. That's my whole turn.

Okay, Kavir. Assess the situation. Oh, I guess, do I take damage coming in this thing? Yes. You will. You would. You'd take 2d10. Smoked. No, it's one when you start your turn. Or I must, I'm a... Enter or start turn?

No, if it's enter. Yeah, let's say. Generally, it's enter or start turn. Yeah, yeah, let's say. But I guess I mean I'm taking a choice. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get smoked. Oh, no. That's not too bad.

12. Well, that's not terrible. Damn it. That's when I roll a nine. Good thing shit's can't bleed. Alright, we're good. We're good. All right. My shit coughs of blood. Yeah.

Okay. Is that a subtle dig at me? I'm hearing you guys talk about that on the comms and LaGouche is like, I feel everything! Your left wing snaps off. All right, so Kavir is going to go out, one. Is that? Yeah, two, three, four, and then I'll just turn.

I have to use five, right? Yeah. But you can turn and then I'll... But you can take your action before you use the rest of your move. Yeah. Yeah, so basically just a quick, quick, Uie. Yeah, I'll move forward one, and then we will attack with our, what is this? The empiric gun. Oh my gosh.

You have a super phone. I've had 17 and a Nat 20. The newbies are the 20s. I love it. Which one is this? Is that four? Yes. Yeah, four. And that's for just my regular goons.

So 2D8 plus seven. See, sorry, I'm a little slow with the dice rolls. That's perfect. All right. So it's a two and three. So it's five and seven, it's 12. And then seven and six, it's 13. 25.

And it's a 20, so 12 and 20, so it's 32. Nice. And they get the sands of time applied to them as well if they're still in long. And that was two? No. No. No.

Two's not dead. Two's not dead yet. Two's not dead for sure. Apparently, you know, he best stood my ready. It was how. It was how much. I don't want a recount. Oh, shit, I just forgot.

Was it 20? You said, is there over 25? 32, 32. Okay. I think. Yeah, no, 15. It's good enough for a governor. Yeah, 20.

As you spin the ship around and you see this Arian ship, you fire off your Imperial Blasters, the lasers, bov, bov, landing onto the ship. And as it does, you can see some of your sands have started to move and shift and work around the hull, beginning to deteriorate. It's metal.

As you can see, as their hole starts to fail. All right. And then that's the end of my movement, and therefore, the end of my turn. Oh, Monsters 2. Hang on, hang on, hang on there. Monsters 2.

Which one is that? Oh, there are three left. Oh, nice. Two is that guy. Okay. He can come around and shoot me. He starts his turn in the dark thing. Oh, he does.

Oh, come on. saving throw. That's a good point. Oh, I love him failing this. Who balanced to this? 11. 10. Points of damage. He changes a video.

He's gonna get pulled backwards, right? Oh, and he failed. No, he just, he, it's hard. No, he'll move one square closer and then be at half speed. So he moves one square closer to the Dark Star. So he collides into the ship number is this? Two. Two, into three. And it's into three.

Yeah, get racks. How much do you? Did you do? 11 times two. It's like, oh, for you. Yeah, it was going to do. Yeah, it was going to. I've been immediately taken out of it.

The session is ruined. I guess. Both is spooky. It collides with the other ship taking 10 points of damage and exploding into dust. Both in them? It breaks apart. No, it breaks apart.

Was that three? Yeah. Okay. Well, two into three. So two breaks apart and the pieces get sucked in the blackboard and it goes. Oh, good. They're crumpled into nothing, yeah, my este.

Ice cream! Minky, monkey! We all scream! Yeah, well, that is Monsters 2. LaBouche. LaBouche. Show them what's for.

Take some damage. Oh. 13. I will start. You take damage starting. 13. You said? What variety?

It's force. It's force. Sorry. Thank you. That's going to be right here. Oh no, it hurts. I will attack with the juicers, which I believe is two attacks. That's going to be a one and a two.

Yes. Two twists. We have a thousand twists. Two twists. Two twists. Just twist the damage. Great weapon master. Oh, no, those were to hit.

Oh, I thought those were damage. So that's going to be an eight to hit, and finally, I think that maybe a 17 hits? 17 definitely hits. Oh, my goodness. It's okay, it's okay, I've got a plan. I've got a plan. Yeah, I bet you don't.

I'm gonna ran into him. Just a little douche thing, test. So that's gonna be 2D10s. That's one of these guys. God, that's great. That's gonna be nine, 17 points of damages. Two. That's bloodier.

Bludgeoning damage to number three. Wham! Wham! You crushed down onto the... My boosters are still going, and so I ram into him. Let's have an athletics competition. Wow. Again with the natural one, unbelievable. 20.

Twist, twist, twist, twist. I rolled a 20. Okay, so I need to roll. Well, I got a 20. I need to roll a 14 or higher. You should twist. You do twist. Woohoo!

All right. So you take another 2D10, according to the way that we did this last time, that's gonna be four, 12 points of bloodshining damage, and I end my turn right here. Wow. Oh, if you succeed on it, you move forward. Oh, really?

You continue forward. It's like a movement. You won't bounce off if you, like, are crashing through him. Hello! My little friend! I will face him because I don't want to put my aft into him. I'll literally just be floating in front of Drachar. What is his name?

Bracket, bracket, bracket, bracket. I was like, what was it? What was it? Left square bracket. What? Do you still have movement? Or I'm done with my movement. That's the end of my turn.

That's the full movement. Okay. Cool. Yeah, come on, man. I planned my turn so well. And then here comes in the mood. It's like you've never played D&D before. I thought I was going to bounce back.

Not all of us are ace pilots. It's okay. I'm not even in a ship. I'm just. You're just like, yeah, you're just blast them off. Pike, just use the boost to get through. Right up his aft. You think because you've destroyed some ships,

that means anything. Well, it was foolish to fly in front of me. And he will spoil up his. I'm no longer to pilot. I'd like to move. His boosters once again. No, no, no, no, no, no. That was close.

Pike's made a miscalation. I'm a genius. Oh, no, no. Oh no! Let's see. He takes damage for Ra. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he does. Thank you. Thank you for Game State. Come on. Oh, actually, I'm starting a contest. For, yeah. Yeah, but the damage from Red. 21. That's going to be 13.

Okay. You take 11 points of damage as Bracken's ship runs over you and just move and would you like to turn directly towards, who is that? Is that bludgeoning damage? Pike? Yeah, are you sure he doesn't want to turn? No, he's good. Is that bludgeoning?

You sure? Yeah, it'll be, yeah, yeah, it'll just be like rammed. This is gonna end badly for you, Mason. Sure you don't want to turn? 15 points of force damage for the Grave. For the grab bomb. And then he needs to make a save once he gets out of, to, in order to move into Pike's face,

he needs to make the save against the grab bomb. Oh, thank God. Didn't he need to do that to do the move initially? He's been going perpendicular. Yeah, well, still, he would have to resist it. Yeah. The save there.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. 17. Okay. That's enough. He's a beefy boy. He's a good. So every time he's gonna make the safe?

If he knows, when he starts, just at the top of his turn, yeah. Just make sure I understand. Okay, what don't, we're telling bad news. So he'll attack twice, and I'll spoil it. He hits both times. Well, no, no, hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I have a reaction.

Advanced refiress. flexes. Oh, wow. Okay? As my racks, I spent 10 feet of movement and I kick the sparrows into overdrive to gain plus 4 AC, which gives me 22 AC, so only one of them hit. Okay. Try a thumb or full.

Yeah, exactly. So these massive blasts fire out at you and you see them coming. You're able to kick the boosters in and just do a quick tunnel barrel roll as the first dodges and you're able to, and you just get clipped on the back end, and you What the hell? 22 points of damage.

The other two pilots. What did he say about the other ships not mattering? What? Do we still get more? I can't there shares of ice cream? That's fine. Holy shit. That is his turn. That's not good.

There's a lot of people. What happened if I dropped a zero hit point? That's a great question. Actually, the DM has to explain that. Don't worry about that. No, no, I didn't worry about that. Is anybody at zero hip points? Not yet, but I have one hit point left,

and I'm going to get grabbed. I'm put it in a tuna can. There's water spraying at me. There's flashing lights. And it's on the songs. You're salted bottle. Your hat is beeping. Bup, burp, burp.

Oh. Oh, gosh, I barely survived that left attack. 17 points of damage. It's the highest you roll. Yeah, literally it's the highest I rolled. A hand will come out of the bottom of the saucer that just says, uh-oh. All right, so you, so the dark star pulses out.

Your clown car is crushed and cracked, and you fall just beneath zero. It's automated pilot kicks in, and it will send its after blasters to return you to the Rhapsody. Rhapsody's got a tractor beam probably, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you won't be ripped into the Grewalton and then.

Yeah. And you, as you head back to the hangar bay. I can't take him, I gotta peel off. Oh, God, I'm the flippy of this campaign. There's like, it's just smoke, put it out in the space. And you make it back and you dock in the Grabsody for just a moment. That's a, that's, is there, are there, what are the rules surrounding that?

Does he, is he out for combat for good? Monsters 3 and then, you know, we're not gonna, okay. Some other time. Boy, I love knowing the rules. Yeah, don't ask me about the rules, right? Where is Monsters 3? Monsters 3? To the left bracket.

Right here. He's heading this way. Into the cream. Oh, hold on. The cream pike. I'm gonna roll two ones. Get him out of here. Six points of force ten.

What he has to do his saving thrower could get sucked into the ice cream hole. Yeah, that's true. More ice cream. American dream. Oh, my God. You have dread. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll just re-roll it. Oh, so you want to make him roll worse? Oh. Oh, cute. Okay. 19. That passes. I first rolled a six, so that would be good, man. That's bull on. An ice cream.

Thanks, everybody. So that ship three will fly towards, who is that? Cavere? Yeah. All right, it'll fly towards Covier. Okay. Yeah. And one, two.

Yep. And three, four. Roll to attack. Five, six. Wait. Oh, he can get out. It's right? One, two.

Two. Four. This is a difficult terrain. Yeah. but getting into it's 10. Oh, yeah. So one, then, two, three. 20, four, five.

Four five. Yep, yeah. So you can, yeah, you can turn. Oh, wow. That's exactly right. For him. Yeah. 14 and 16 to hit.

16 hits. Good one does. I've been a little reckless with my hole points. I'll just say that. I think we all learned some things today. We learned some things. Nine points of damage as the lasers fire out and land into your hall.

Okay. To dog fight. To dog shite. To dog shite in the face. Okay. Cool. And that is Rhett. Um,

so this guy's right in front of me. I have to go. You have to crash into him. You have to crash into him. You can attack first. You may be able to blow your way through. You're also a big beefy boy and just destroy this guy. Just both.

I'm going to smash into him. I smash him in them. I like the idea that it's just, you always start. start your turn moving wherever you're heading in. I rolled a six. That momentum makes so much sense. Oh, it's a

athletics contest or strike contest. But you can plan for your search of turn because you can end on a turn. There's no way to plan it's far in advance. I did a great job. You did a step. This actually might be pretty good. It didn't go according to plan,

but it was perfectly calculated until it wasn't. That's what I'm saying. It was perfect until it was. Okay. I thought I was wrong once, but it turned out I was right. What did you want? 16. 15.

So I will, I guess what happens now if I fail? Do I get pushed back? Yes. And then just do it again. You can turn it. Push back and lose it. You can say push back, you take four points of just bludgeoning damage. And then, yeah.

Scattered diamond. You can, you can shift from there. shit from there because you're moving back and you can reangle. That's your bounce back. So then I will reangle this way. Yeah, I think it's more. We'll say, but that takes 10 feet of movement,

the moving forward and then getting bounced back. Yeah, you just lose one square. So, that's the way to do. 10, 20, 30, 40. Because it's still cream pie. Yeah. Okay. Oh, but if you're in the star's influence,

you're moving faster towards the star. So it's straight up. So it's straight up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so then I have one more. You get one more square. Why are we crashing in the Libu?

What's going on here? Well, he's gonna move, right? Oh, what am I automatically gonna move into you? Oh, I would know that, right? Yes. Yeah, probably. Hank would be barking his face off. Well, if I wanna shoot him with my last move, then.

You can't. You don't have a angle off. Then I'm gonna, I will shoot here, and then I will turn towards my... Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. You can cheat around. Okay. Yeah. I'm tumbling right now. So right now you're here shooting straight out.

Yes. Yeah. And then I will end my turn doing that. So, oh, what is this? What's an A, is it a B.A. bonus action? Yeah. I will say, hey, give me vitals on this fella. And Hank will basically do this, this little, like, satellite dish.

We'll go above his head and start spinning around. And so all of this information about like whole weaknesses, power levels, HP, stuff like that. That's so good. All right, buddy. And that means I can attack at advantage. And I can ask the DM for AC, HP, and potential weapons if I'd care to. Would you send that just to him or do we all get to be? No, I would announce it, but only he, well, actually, I would say that announcing it openly,

that you would, like, your computers would share information. So you would all know that. We all hear over problems. So, what would you like to? Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, I would love to know his hit point, his whole point total. His whole point total is 70 remaining out of 150.

Yeah, we're completely fucked. 70 remaining, so he's taking 80 points. He's over half. Yeah, we're test. Am I still advantage because of Dandy's thing? Or no, is that gone? We got this. I think you just said you were advantage, right?

Oh, oh, oh, okay. How long is your thing last? I will also, I'll tell you that. I'll tell you, you'll gain two other portions of information from the scan. You would learn that the hull is, it's four hull is reinforced, and if you attack head on, you're at disadvantage. And you would learn that it has an ability called Tricera Charge, that it has a 20-foot range.

And if you start within, if there's a target within 20 feet of you as you start, it will charge it that ship spearing it and dealing an amount of damage. I sweat bebopingly. You're looking if not the quad ferotrop or whatever. Yeah, right. It could be so much worse. Well, regardless, I rolled,

so I rolled two 14s in a one, but the first one would have been disadvantaged, so it wouldn't have been advantage with the scans. Beck counters out. Oh, no, this is from behind. Wait, it's from mine. You don't gain advantage from behind. Oh, you're getting advantage.

Yeah, you just don't have to have. Because the iron sides. Yeah. You found that out. Chuckles found that out. Oh, no, no, no, I mean, I did the scams to be advantage. Yep.

But this is his back, not his front. So I was advantaged. I hit that, and then I rolled the natural one, so only one hits. And I think it is 2D. Right. 2D10 plus 8. I still like the canon that they were called

the iron behinds, and then they had to rebrand. That's it stupid. 20 points of force damage, and then I will go nice for my last. Oh, this has been way over here. No. It's right. We're figuring it out. Can you turn the other way?

You wouldn't know. You do you. Yeah, now, we're medigating. We're medigating. We're madigating the shut out. We got everybody's got pilot direction. Yeah, I'm, that's where I'm going. They're good. Okay.

I'm just ruining my turn. That's fine. Monsters four. Monsters four, which one's that? This one. That one. He has to avoid. Reasonable?

That one's got. That one's got. Wait, hang on, hang on. Hang on. Sansa time. Four damage. Oh, for which one? For number four.

Athletics contest. Well, he needs to make a strike, so. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. He takes damage from it. We'll do the Darkstar first. Yeah. Oh.

You've done so much damage. Really bad. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. 14 points of damage. And then four from the same time. Wait, wait, wait, hang on, I know. This is an ability that I suggested to Mace in some form, and Mace was like, let's crank the damage, okay.

And then four points from the sands of time. So this shit would, Oh. First he has to run. That was ship four. Yeah. Huh? That was ship four.

So he's beat the saving throw to get out of here? No, he hasn't moved yet. He's taken damage. Yeah, I'm just taking damage at the start of the turn. I'm taking all the damage that starts at the beginning. And so now straight saving throw against the gravel. Well, let me just explain the situation right. So as the heart of the Dark Star pulses out and the hull begins to crack and quake, you see if you look over the

see if you look over the sands from Kavir's blasters, the sands of time, where at the metal of the ship, deteriorating it as it turns the hull of this ship to dust. And it discerits into the air, it ruts and disintegrates out. Oh, man. The pilot is this one ejects. Is he even in the dark star?

He's just something like, he's the dark star. He's like, I'm free you. He has a lot of time to think about it. Exactly. He's like, oh. No, it actually happens very quickly. He gets spaghetti as he got like closer to the arch start. I intended for them all to get wet.

He got riddened. Oh, I forgot about a black hole. And that was, for work. I was saving the finale of Cowboy Bebop. Okay. Okay. I never finished. As a terra-dact, in my form,

even though I'm shape-shifted-ish into this fighting terra-dacto form, can I know the health of my allies, my friends? Can I notice, like, they're a damage on their ships enough to know if they need help? You, uh, yeah, but you wouldn't, like, normally necessarily know that offhand unless you're, like, looking around and anyone was, like, obviously looking very...

I mean, Chuckles obviously is fucked. Yeah, but I can't see him anywhere because he's gone, right? He's in their rhapsody, yeah. So can't see. I don't know what anyone else's health told. Pikes, I would say this... You can certainly ask the status of everyone's ships, and we'd be more than happy.

Is it teradactal? Do I have the coms? Sure. Okay, cool. I want to know, like, the status of the ships. Who is the most damaged? Gentlemen, who would like to go first? I'm at 58, so I'm good. Okay. I'm all right, I got plenty of shield left.

I would say that you would see the sparrow. There's blinking red lights going on inside. Wee, we, we, we. You can see from inside the hole that Pike is kind of lean back and look at the cigarette. And over the comms, he goes. The race of meat is making. Oh, well, right.

This might be the one that finally does me in. Whatever happens, happens. Okay, so that's good to know. I am going to, you said I have to move before I take an action? No, you just have to move. You have to use all your movement, but you have to move the direction you're facing. Okay, so I'll go forward one, and then that way,

yep, one. And then, do I take damage because I'm in the circle thing? Yes. Yes, yes, you do. Oh, yeah. Five. Is there a saving throw? Oh, you need the saving throw.

Oh, saving throw. So back her up. So I hope you don't get ice cream. No, we're twist. We're twisting. I love the chunky monkey. I mean, statistically, it isn't 18 possible to E-W-5 natural ones.

I love the monkey of junk. And then I'm going to cast summon the constellations. So I'm going to summon the constellations onto and it's gonna be really cool. It's gonna like literally fall from the sky, like the starry's falling from the sky onto Pike. And you are going to heal 2D 10.

Oh, that might do it. And once the turn, you can choose to gain advantage on a roll for 60 seconds. So it's 13. But IRL. 13. And start. 13, okay.

13, okay. Plus your modifier. Plus your modifier. Oh, plus. Six. 21. Whatever you're modifying. Okay.

19. 19, yeah, that's one. 19 healing. So the stars shine bright as you summon the forces of the constellation. You'll see almost like shooting stars, white lights will just boof, bov, bov, bov, bov, and form the shape of what almost looks like a coursing river

as they take their spots around Pike, as they swirl through him. and they begin to pulse celestial energy. You're still in deep shit, though. It's my turn? Yeah, that's what you think. As I see this heavenly glow, this, this constellation energy, all of a sudden I,

Pike will double down and say, I'm not done yet, and I will use Ace Pilot. One last trick up my sleeve. Pike uses his ace pilot skills to quickly flip the sparrow over his target and repositioned behind them. Once per turn, if the sparrow is within 15 feet of another ship, I can use 30 feet of movement to maneuver behind them. If positioned in the targets of the aft,

the sparrow crits on an 18 or 20. So if the DM will allow it. That's fine. But I do have to shoot around my friend, LeBouge. Everyone keeps soothing at me. So I will use Ace Pilot, which I assume that doesn't mean I can use my balusters twice. twice I can only use my blasters once then since I based pilot I think that is that's a bonus action or is that it doesn't it just says that's my maneuver

But I can make it a bonus action and then I and then I'll just make one attack No, no you can use two my damage action You have to take my damage first. Oh yes I do I rolled minimum damage no that's fine that's good oh and then the strength the strength check Oh shit even with my special ability yeah fuck what do I add to it my my my character strength Yeah, just you add your kid or whatever Every plus is, yeah. My ship plus a hit? Yeah, yeah.

That's very generous. I don't know, I don't know. How to balance things. 18. Oh, okay. Yeah, holy shit. So I used my ace pilot maneuvers being rejuvenated by Dandy's amazing stellar

space magic and I'll make two attacks. Highway to the-9 plus eight is 17. That's easy. 17 hits, yeah. 12, it's a hit. It's a 20, it's not an 18-20. They both hit. They both hit.

So I will do 4D6 plus 12. As I light this guy up, max damage, 6. 9. 6 is 15. 15. 16 plus 14 is 30 points of damage. Oh. Because it's 46 plus 12. Yeah.

Cut fucked up. 28. You're right. 28. 28. Sweet. 28. You see him do this as it looks almost like you're going to cream forward and crash,

but just in your cosmic. game of chicken, you pull up and swirl over top of him in just a beautiful arcing barrel roll, just like the flight of a sparrow. As you pull just behind the L'Busch, and you open fire unleashing into the back of Bracken, just completely peppering him with blasts. You tried a thumb or fault. That's my turn. Perfect. Kavir.

All right, what we got? Okay, quick question. Clarifying question on the special ability you have for me. Doesn't mention a length of time. So is that once it starts, it's just perpetually around me? That's fine for now. It's not going to be relevant, I'm assuming. It's going to be like three rounds.

That's more than reasonable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. All right, so I will start by using Sandstorm. Oh yeah, let's go. So I will sort of flick the hourglass, the top of the hourglass open, and the sand will pour out from the hourglass and start surrounding the ship, but violently swirling in a 20-foot radius sphere around me.

Any enemy target that enters the space takes 2D6 plus seven force damage. And an enemy that begins its turn within the sandstorm must take 2D6 damage, buffeted by the storm before exiting. So I don't think it does immediate damage now. I believe it does. Oh, well. As you summoned it, yeah. As I summoned it, perfect.

All right. And he should still be at disadvantage, I think, from my one thing. Because all those were in the line with this one. Yeah, the screen. I'll also need red damage for me, porphy, for. And the saving throw. If once I move.

Once I move. 18. 18. What? Hose timid. Holy, holy. You've done more damage to me than the boss. Yeah.

Holy guacamole. This is how you balance things. You give it. Everyone's so much power. Yeah, it's like you guys do the boss fight. Yeah. All right, so we'll do the 26. Look, space is dangerous.

Yeah. Three. You can't control these things. Oh, wait, sorry. Three and seven. So 10 damage to that ship. That's three. Yeah.

That's three? Yeah, that's three. And then, interesting. I'm gonna figure out how to get through this. And that prox your passive? It does prox my passive? Oh, stupid. Any attack you land on a shiprocks are passive.

Perfect. I knew that. I'm going to do this. All right. So I'm going to use speed I get from going towards that space hole. So we'll do two forward, and then one to the right. Oh, but I need to do the strength. Well, if I'm going towards it, I don't need the strength saving.

Not towards it. And you would move double your speed. So that's 5. So it's 5.10. When you go here. Yeah. So now I need to do this. the roll roll out okay let's push straight maybe okay it's just plus your shit oh plus my shit

attack 15 that passes nice oh that's now I'm back to friend 10 right so it's 5 10 20 yep 30 and then 40 and I'll turn 50 that should check out yeah so that's my turn Cool, LeBouche. I take some damage. Seven. How much? Seven points of . Because he whispers.

Seven D's. Seven D's. That's okay. I feel everything. And now I need to make a strength saving throw? If you're moving away from. If your next ability is to move. Okay, I pass.

I hit you. you. Oh, fuck. Athletics. Contest. What is it? I'm still just adding eight. You have whatever your plus is.

Whatever your plus is. I get a 13. I got a 14. So you succeed. Yeah. So I take the damage. Thank God. And you bounce back.

And you bounce back. But you can bounce back and you can turn. Now I'm going to turn that way. And now I'm going to fuck this guy up right down. So you roll one damage die. Or whatever your normal damage die. Yeah. Your normal attack is, give me that damage.

Oh, shit. I mean, what is my... It's 2D6 plus 6. Yeah. Holy fuck. Roll low. Roll low. 16 points of fucking damage.

What variety of damage? It's bludgeoning. It's just my blaster. Any crash. Then I started blasted. So I take half because I'm a beefy motherfucker and I'm still failing. Just like we do it. Just like we drew it up.

Excuse me. And... Now I will, I have used, I don't know how much I've used, but, um, one, two, three. Two, three. Okay, so I still have one more. Terrific, then let's fucking go. I'll use the juicers. Uh, what number is that three? God damn, these die. I feel very Lubishi. Eleven and thirteen. Sixteen is the AC. Oh. Can I use... Twist one of them. Twist one of them. Yeah, twist one. Yeah.

I, yeah. For Pete's do that. For Pete's sake. Nope. Oh. 13. Then I ram into him, athletics contest.

You're just a wrecking ball, dude. I love it. 15. Uh, natural 15, I should say. So I ram into him. This time I'll do 2D10. I love that you just are just like, fuck it, we balled. Yeah.

I rolled a 100 on that. That's going to be 20 plus 28 points of. Bletching damage. He's gone. Get him out of here. Yeah. Get him out. I'm the gentleman, bitch.

I am the threat now, the bitch. The math that really quick. Oh, oh, that doesn't happen yet. Okay, okay. And I'll bounce back and do I get another turn? No, you succeed. No, you succeed, you go through them. Thank God.

And you can turn, you don't have to go directly through. You can turn. Yeah, you can turn while you're going through. If you want to go in a different direction. Yeah. I'll go here. As you just absolutely careening through this ship.

You just crack off one of its wings as it's looking really fucking bad. It's sparking and crackling as energy is just coursing out of a wing on the left side. It does have sense of time. It doesn't take that damage yet. I don't think. No, no, but I mean I didn't know

if it was below 10 HP. It's only that damage puts it below 10 HP. I think. Okay. Okay. If I remember. It's your world. I'm limited. That's what? You're thinking Yeah, yeah. Should this damage reduce the ship below?

Yep, yep. Yeah. Time. Where were we even at? Oh. God. Oh, no, Danny. Perigone.

Oh no. Yeah. Roll the damage, you know. You bastard. He's got, maybe he'll fill with Froh and-19. Oh, there's a chance there. There was a chance there.

Almost maximum. It didn't fucking hit him. Damn. Those are crazy damage. God, how I math this? Oh, okay. You kind of just like fire your thing, and I was like, he's gonna be fucked. Space time is rippling, and you're just kinda like scooting along. Yeah, yeah.

So Bracken will careen forward, turn to the right, see Dandy, fire his blasters twice. I'm gonna evade. I'm gonna have primal instinct and just try and like, yeah, she's in the calm. One is a 14, one is a 27. Yes way, but he's a . You wanted the 27 definitely hit.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure does. Yeah. Aren't you only at disadvantage? Still, for the way I roll a disadvantage? From the primal screen. No, there's only one.

Did I roll it a disadvantage or something? Manilari? No, 14. I mean, he's had a turn since then. Oh, okay. It's only one. Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry, yeah.

Oh, wow. On their next roll. It was CCR. They start. 19 points of blaster damage as it fires out and lands one cannon blast on you. Okay. He then will continue forward and just rammed the string through you. Did he make a string saving throw him?

He did make, yeah. He's raming. He's turning. Is it a turn? He saw how good it was working for the bush. Yeah. That's a big old ship. It's like a Roomba hitting a dorm mouth.

Athletics contest. I'm not with you there, yeah. Oh no! I rolled a 16, I have a 24. Come on that 20. The audio? What a fucking way. Twist a dread.

I mean, you're good. If you're Nicky. Roll your damage. And what am I? You just roll one of your hits. Oh, about. Unbelievable. Well done. I know, right.

Right, oh, that is 14 damage. 14 damage. 14 damage. Wow. Nice. This teradactyl is an athlete. Yeah, sure is. How do you do this?

Oh! Can I do anything? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Well, the power. You colliding. I would say the constellations are gonna move from off of pike and just kind of as meteors, they're gonna turn red.

like magma meteors and just start firing at the boss. The constellation see that Bracken is coming for you. The stars shine and glow as they circle with a fiery power. They move with lightning speed as they fire completely horizontal and just pepper through the hull of Bracken ship, dismantling it and destroying its energy. You'll see as his ship will autopilot back to the Sorian

home base ship as he will. Full bombing run. Of magma borghumbleers. As Bracken will fly back to the ship. What does he say? Looks like you'll have the bounty this time. But we'll be back, Rhapsody. We'll be back.

Bracken, we're going to have to have a talk. No, he says, well done, kid. Now try my new chair on. That's all my golden balloons around the racetracks in Dino Dome. Sorry, all I can think of is tricking the Joyce Harris from Jimmy Congress. You got one of the city gonged. I'm not going to the balloons.

Well, there's still one guy left, so it's to somebody else. Oh, he's still good. How do I want to do that is at three? No, three still over there. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Oh, shit. I threw off the camera.

Oh. I assumed that he wanted to go back. All right. Let me just waste this guy. Who's next? I forget where he was. Oh, no, no. If Bosch...

Oh, yeah, the boss, LaBusch. Oh, that's where the boss basically ended himself. Fair enough. Now it's LaBush and Chuckles, right? Or no. Roll any... It's his turn. Death?

Decks. Well, Death saves. It's up the Shuggles. Roll a death save throw. Oh, death saving. Natural 20! Oh! Oh!

Can't like this one. This is on the spot. Spot ship combat rules. And Natural 20 allows the Rhapsody to repair you immediately, and you come out of the Rhapsody with 10-L. Oh, thank you, Pit droid. Oh, gosh. Oh, thank you very much.

Where are you going to go? I like to picture that your spaceship flew into the dock, and there was a giant whoopee cushion. Yeah. Wow. And then all that, like, repairs. Are our dice loaded to ice, something? Probably.

I don't know. It's amazing. I gave you all of my dice energy. Yeah, honestly. Well, now it's his turn. Unless Chuckles gets to take his turn. You can take an action. Oh, and this guy.

Move and to take an action. Oh, I'm sure it's very expensive. Brett's going to be upset. I beg, baby Bracken, I'm going to kill. Oh, where'd he go? Oh, there's one stragg in the left. Okay, I'm filled with the murderous rage. Oh, shit.

I lost my ability. It's really hard to navigate around. your allies. This is a very, very fun thing. I really... It's always, like, collision and not, like, a chance to evade. The thing I've always thought about, like, normal combat is movement never feels, like, relevant. Like, you just kind of, like, get to a spot and stop, you know? And so I really want it to be like... I love the force movement.

It's very important. It feels like there's someone with a hand on your back, pushing you around. The up higher time, and that feels awesome. I love the chaos of it. Hey, Dino Boy, smell my flower. And on the, there's a big, creepy, like, clown face. On the UFO. And there will be, like, right on its, on its side, a gigantic red flower

as a just a burst of acid, this horrible acid, blast forward. And I'm going to make two attacks with it. Oh, the first one will certainly hit with a 23. I don't know. Oh, that's called. AC 60. Okay, now I do some damage.

2D8. Where's my D8? Doesn't this look like a happy face? It does. Like a moth. It looks like a moth. A moth, I definitely. Happy face.

I see like an oni. 23? Like an ony mask. Oh, 23 plus 11. 33 points of damage. Amazing. Get them out of here. The sands of time just destroy this guy.

All right, yeah. You can say all that and the flower erupts and kind of pulses Shoo-Zo-Zo-S-S-S-S. As it's as it fire. Oh, no. We can't escape it. No. I propose we kill Chuck.

Green, watery stream right on your ship. It lands full blast on this on this siren ship. And it just, it just the acid rips it apart. And it is destroyed. For the intro, for the intro. It's destroyed? Get them out of.

It's the bomb that explodes for the image of your character. I was this close to pulling the trigger on what is very obviously like a jet of material flag. I'm not like, hmm, no, no, can't do it. Should have done it. Oh God, no, please God, no. You see the Sorian ships, those who could eject the pilots flying back to their larger home base,

you see Bracken's ship blasting back into the hangar as their bay closes and their ship turns and begins to fly away. You have now full ability to move forward to your target without any additional interference from the Ironside Space Pirates. We dock? And do we, yeah, do we feel like we

can all land on this asteroid, or do we feel like we need to return to the Rhapsody and take the Minivan? You feel as though you could just dock on the asteroid. Oh, all right. Hey, Guy, that was pretty wild. Rat, we need to talk about your horrible Kilotron 5'000. Yes, that was very painful.

I felt every inch of that. I land on the surface of the asteroid. That was one giant step for the boot. That was another giant step for a mooch. How long have you been waiting to say that one, for three months. You land on the surface of this asteroid. You look around briefly, understanding all your ships come down.

You begin to scan the surface, understanding what Hank was pointing out, pointing out why this felt different. Rett, roll an investigation check. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'm pretty good at those. Twist it. Twist it.

Yeah, that's twisted. Yeah, it's fucking. Are you knocking out which? No, he's got the nuts. Yikes. It's fate. Two. Yeah. 10.

10, with a 10. As you all land, you begin to look around. You start to search. You make your way over to a section of the asteroid where you see kind of an oddly domed rock, a little too smooth, a little too perfect. You would expect that things would be crashing into this constantly. The surface of an asteroid is not smooth.

There are no rocks on here without flaw. And as you make move towards it, you almost clumsily step on a section of dirt that protrude, protruded a little beyond out of the surface. And as you do, the space of this cracks open, revealing a staircase leading into deeper into the asteroid. And that is where we'll end session one. Ooh.

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