Legends of Avantris - Stardust Rhapsody: Overture | Ep. 12 | Highway Star

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

The Rhapsody crew goes to the races and learns about Pyke's past...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/LMzNNeFcSGY?si=XUeyIMRlXZ1q_Hit

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Pike, and you're listening to Stardust Rhapsody. Here's what happened last time. We need to get the fuck out of here. Now it's not the time for jokes. We don't have all the fucking time in the world. There could be 300 more swarm ships on their way right now as soon as they realize that we haven't been wiped out. Without Dandy's navigation, I don't know where we were going to end up.

We might end up in the middle of a star. Fucking anywhere, Chuck. Okay. And a giant pie hits the Rhapsody and knocks you out of the weave. You head towards the twin spotlights swirling in the distance. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but lead the way, Chuckles. Welcome to the Carnival of Fun. Welcome right this way to the ball throwing event.

Now who is your first contestant? done big guy all right where's the ticket oh right here sir the sign that says pie engineer here with giant red arrows blinking and moving it's me it's me do you remember me chuckles it's me from the ship earlier it was a while ago do you remember me hi hi hi hi these are all my friends you're very caked up i mean our ship is caked up what's chuckles immediately you were snapped up into its grasp. Oh, I've had this much fun in so long. I tell you what, everybody, I'll make you a deal. You leave chuckles with me, and I will fix your ship instantly. And better than that, I can deliver your friends back to you. No deal. No deal. Everything stops. And there's a brief moment where you

hear a voice in your mind. Her author is a lie. I can restrain her momentarily. Her head rubber bands backwards for a moment as it's shrouded in white cloth. Look at the fuck out of here! No! No! It's the believer. He whispered to me. He can get us out of you. Your best buddy! The Rhapsody starts to soar through the honk weave as now finally you come to and opening and you explode out of the honk weave into space.

There's the most exciting race of the season dominates the skies. Tomorrow night, here at the Prismatic Pathway. Space, where everything exists in extremes. One moment you can be lost in a clown hell fighting for not just your life, but your sanity. And the next, you could be on your way to an electronic race. way. Oh yeah. Dealing with the fallout of the Sorian trap, the party dove once more into the honk weave,

except this time their journey was anything but normal. Being pulled out of the weave, the party lands in a strange land. Chuckles, haunted by a ghost from his past, leads the party to a demonic carnival. Once Jolly gets her hands on the gang, she reveals her desire to keep him and offers the return of Dandy and Kavir. Something begins to stir deep within Labouche. A remnant of a power that marked his soul intervenes, ensuring that the forces of the honk don't claim what lays dormant within him.

Fleeing quickly, Chuckles tears open the honk weave once more. The party breaks out into space and finds themselves finally at the prismatic pathway. Would the entries closed, will the Grand Prix Cup elude their grasp? Or will they somehow take the coveted checkered flag and the million credit prize? No way. That's it, folks. The prelims are over as racer number eight takes the checkered flag securing his place in the Grand Prix. Entries are now closed as the most exciting race of the season dominates the skies tomorrow night.

at the Prismatic Pathway. You've dealt with prehistoric war parties, gods of time and tale, and chaos demons. Even under the circumstances, you find yourself exhaling a brief side relief as you are faced with the prospect of once again normal bounty hunting.

As you approach, you hail the pathway. They handshake your entry, and your ship begins to make a slow, to the track. We made it. I'm not really feeling up for a wacky race and sort of adventure right now, guys. You're feeling up to waffles?

I think we're looking for a diner. Yeah, I could do waffles. I'm with chuckles. Everything we have is a complete disarray in ruin. But we do have. this is our only lead, right? Chances are good, we'll find Rex here. And if we can deal with him or get some more information, maybe that'll give us some leverage with the boss or somebody else. Hmm. And it'll put us one step closer to maybe where the Sorians went. I want us to

Stop thinking about the Saurians. I don't want the thoughts of dinosaurs or dandy to cross our minds again. We just need to focus on being bounty hunters, you understand? How can we forget about Dandy? She's our friend. I have my dayfile on King Donuts 64 waiting for her to be. Now I... I just don't...

I... I... I'm Kivir. We all saw what... She did to Kavir. As far as I'm concerned, that wasn't dandy. Whatever the prophet did to her made her someone else. And like I said, you'd have the full fucking force of Grom Corp or the fucking empire.

And who knows if even that would be enough to save her. If she even can be saved. Right. And I can't torture my fucking self. The past regrets. I've done that enough in my life. All right. I agree. I won't mention it again. But I'm not giving up.

We can't give up. But I am with you. When I was just learning to speak, I watched media to try and expand my vocabulary. And I watched one video many times. It's fine. It's close enough. The Crohn Colossus. He was a gun, but also he was his own self. That was Dandy's fate. They are not the same.

Yeah, I just don't know who I'm gonna drink Root Beer Flows with. You know, the end in the Chrome Colossus is actually pretty dark. I remember. And look, I'm not gonna forget about the dandy we knew, okay? I'm not gonna forget about her. But we need to focus on getting back to what we're fucking good at. And that's hunting bounties. Yeah.

Ain't it? I would not mind losing myself in work a little right now. And so... Rex pulled the wool over our eyes. He pulled a fast one. Let's get them back. And let's fucking turn them in. Yeah.

So, you know, I know that Jolly said that like she's the horrible elder demon and like she wanted to do bad stuff but I mean like what if we're just misinterpreting you know what she was saying I'm gonna turn the rhapsody

around and fucking drop you back off and clown hell if you fucking entertain the idea of thinking twice about her I we were captured by a bunch of horrific demonic corpses on springs that poor lava corn yeah that's true

That's true, but I mean, whoa. You watch yourself, well, we will drop you off, and you'll be drowning in pies before you know it. Pear pie and peach pie. Oh, boy, okay. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. I mean, you need the, she just be the knife guy. Jockel!

Okay! Has anyone ever told you the saying you don't stick your nose and crazy? Oh, okay. Ugh, I'll call it. Chuckles. Chuckles. Yeah. Take it from me.

Yeah. The wrong woman will kill you. Well, obviously. Gosh, we almost all just met our makers from the wrong woman. Woo. Oh. Yeah, you're right. Right, Pike.

I'm faring. I'm far. I'm feeling very conflicted now. I think I need to solve those feelings by emotionally. eating with a giant comically large tower of waffle. I need a drink. You need a peach slice of... Beats me.

Probably. Peach cobbler. Let's look at the map and see if there's a diner. I will lead the Rhapsody. I will pilot the Rhapsody down to wherever the hangar might be for visitors. You do so. And this space station, the Prismatic Pathway, as you descend down and you go to enter it, you see the above ground, there is what looks to be absolutely massive stadium stands that extend out in kind of like a widened U shape.

In the center, a little bit of an inclined hill that comes up that people can also climb up on and watch the race as it takes place. There are two large floating metal beams that extend out into space. You get the sense that possibly while the race is going, these will engage to create different types of track. But methal this is the hangar where you will enter and board the station. You pull the Rhapsody in deftly, and you set down in a space where you can disembark and be greeted by those who will check you in. I'll look to Hank. All right, buddy.

You start working on the ship, and I'll keep you posting. He acknowledges your command. This is the Rhapsody looking for birth and one dock. station, a length of stay, a couple days. Yeah. Can we afford to get our ship prepared? How much do we have? Not a lot.

Let's let Hank work on it, and I can cover the rest once we're done. And maybe if we can collect the bounty, that'll fill the gaps. And who knows what other work we might find while we're here. That's right. These races often draw in some unsavory types. Yeah. Let's have a nice fun time to do the healthy thing and avoid processing what we've just experienced.

Agreed. Agreed. Emotional eating and avoided. I welcome. I walk over to a drawer. Yeah! I compartmentalize it. And so is the battle cry of the crew of the Rhapsody.

Emotional. Let's not talk about it. Pug cigarettes and drugs. We know our entrance it again. Escapeism. Frothing mug of root beer. Alcoholism. Grippling.

This is why we chose space all. Cheers by. Oh, it's a yes. It's right. The most relatable. relatable campaign somehow. No wonder it's a fan fan. Watch how many cigarettes I can smoke at once.

And when you hail out, Rhett, requesting a berth to drop the size of your ship and explore potential repairs, you hear a response. Hey there, Rhapsody, yeah, you can come on in. but docking hangar C3 and we will presently pop on in and check out what you have. All right, C3, Roger that. You fly in and dock where directed. You may all leave or come to the hangar bay and get ready to disembark the ship if you choose to do so. If there's anything you might do before leaving, you can do now.

Otherwise, the hangar bay will swing open. I would wait for the gang and be ready to depart. There's nothing I need to do before we leave, the sparrows and pieces. I will see my game station, and I see the King Donut 64 is slotted in and think about dandy save file. I'll think I'll pull it out

and I'll pull out a copy of my copy of Suncat 64. I'll just put it in there. I get fulfilled the lining that we have the perfect number of players for Suncat 54. Jesus. I call pet me I was like, what the hell is Sutton get at 64?

I hope that the game will... Maybe I can convince the rest of the guide to play when we finish the top. I'm only playing if Rhett finally learns how to do a barrel roll. Not that hard rap. Anyway. Well, it's hard to hit Z and the C buttons

at the same time anyway. You've got like eight arms, figure it out. They're not the most dexter. They're good at gripping. I do not bring the Ether engine. It is remaining on its stand in my room. You, that's a good decision. You wouldn't know this intrinsically,

but you may have heard or been told that there is general, though you're absolutely correct. It is a bit of an outlaw magnet, the prismatic pathway. it has a simple set of rules that are very heavily enforced. No fighting at the pathway. As you go, your hangar bay drops down and opens.

You are met by an absolutely enormous docking station. Larger than even was on Space Station 777 in the bosses' quarters. Certainly not as ornate. Simple metal stretches out in all directions, gangplanks. You have crews of people hoofing to and fro, working, checking people in. Repairs are going on around. This is a raceway. There are ships all over the place.

There are pit crews coming and going, getting things back up in. run in and you have a smaller also solar elf walks up and comes to check you in he wears just like a like a kind of a white t-shirt with almost like a black it looks like kind of like a blacksmithing apron on and he has goggles pulled over just to the top of his forehead as he walks up Okay, well hey there, let's take a stock of what you're dropping off here. We'll just do a quick inventory of any repairs you might need if you're interested in that, and we can quote you a price and go from there.

Well, we're going to need five per... Four personal vehicles repaired. Okay. I, O-4 is not too bad. We can get that up and running probably about a week's time. Let's take a look at the... And he looks out through the hangar bay of what you brought in. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, you're hangar bag. At the damages and says, damage. Damage? Where are you all coming from? This is pretty rough work. You don't want to know, kid. Yeah. Okay, well, let's, we'll make the rounds.

I'll give you a number and I think maybe it takes a week, best case scenario to get this up and running. And he starts to go around the room. He'll start with, uh, Rett, your vehicle, take a look, like a large size vehicle, probably 5,000 credits. Uh, I'll move to Chuckles' saucer. Uh, medium size, not too crazy. 3,000 credits.

Yeah, you don't have to worry about how it works. It just kind of need to have the form and all the rest. It's okay. We can polish it back up. Don't you worry. If it makes a... sound as it goes, you're going. We could probably figure that one out.

Exactly. And he gets a Lubbush's mexed. That's not too bad. Pretty easy fix. Just a little glass here. A couple tears here and there. And then he comes to the Spiro. the Sparrow and he looks at it and he starts to take notes and then as soon as he opens his mouth I'm like all right now listen I know this looks pretty bad the only person I really trust to make

any changes adjustments or upgrades is this guy all right so and I start like listing off a litany of things that it's supposed to be exactly what it's supposed to look like here's where it's broken this is what's not broken that might look like it's broken you're wrong and like basically giving him the rundown because like normally i wouldn't let anybody touch the ship except for me or red yeah yes sir yes sir got it got it okay okay uh huh okay yeah that yeah we can put that there oh those are weird yeah okay okay uh and and he he takes a moment to really look at the sparrow and move around it uh what wait a second what what do you call this ship. I call her the sparrow. He, his mouth falls a gait for just a moment,

uh, chewing on a toothpick as he was walking around. The toothpick drops from his mouth as he looks at your ship. Did the sparrow? That's right. Doc, come take a look at this! He shouts out to somebody else in the hangar bay and similarly dressed older gentlemen kind of Tremudgeonly comes up, goggles pulled down onto his eyes and blinking, what? What? What is going on? This guy's got the sparrow. He, this is what he says at least.

Well, it can't be right. I mean, that's, that's ancient. I haven't been around here and well, damn near forever. It's got to be a different ship. No, he says, he says it's the sparrow. Look, look at what's requested. Well, that can't be. And he walks up to the ship with the goggles on,

he starts to kind of like twist and turn. You see him kind of zoom in and zoom out. And he inspects, unless you interrupt it all, he inspects the control unit, just the controls to pilot the ship. I'll be damned. It is the sparrow. Oh, man.

You the original pilot? Yeah, of course. Well, damn, son. I got a poster of you on my wall back at home. I used to watch your races growing up. What? I didn't think you'd ever come back. Pike's on a poster?

Well, the sparrow is. What's brought you back? You came for the Grand Prix? Are you a secret mystery racer, Pike? No. Why didn't you tell us? It's not like that. That's the coolest thing ever heard. This guy's no secret racer. The Sparrow's a household name. It's not raced on the track in decades, but...

Trust me, Chuckles, it's all the shit. It's not me. Guys, this is way cooler than my shit back story. I agree. Man, that's anything. Would any of this be, would this be old news to me, or would this be news to me? You would know that I have a background in racing. You know I have why I'm in a pilot.

You would absolutely know of that. You might not know of the infamy of the sparrow so much. But whenever we would have talked about the ship, It would have been me talking up the sparrow, not necessarily, they. I see. I, you know, I knew you were good. I don't think you were that good. The sparrow is a very special machine.

You better take good care of it. Oh, gosh, sir, it's an honor to work on the sparrow. I mean, this one will do for free. Well, that's certainly not necessary. No, no, wait, wait, wait. Now you're talking my language, free. For free, you think. Well, for you.

Oh, wait. For you. For you. For you, it's triple. Yeah, to get that special... Well, the sound when you fly, I mean, that takes a lot of engineering. Can you do it after me? Well, that's going to cost double triple.

There's an arts to discord magic, but I suppose something like you. Real Marvin the Martian-looking motherfucker sort of deal, you know what I mean? That makes me very angry. Yeah, exactly right. I don't know what you mean, and it's going to stay in a double triple. But for the Sparrow, gosh, Pike, it'd be my honor if you'd let me work on it. I appreciate it. Well, people gotta know that you're back.

Kid, go tell them, go run out. And the smaller kid starts running out. All right. Here we go. Uh... Well, gosh, this is... Well, gosh, this guy, top three racer of all time at the Prismatic Pathway. What?

Top three? Top three? Of all time, you think. Of all time, I say. Wait, do top three racers of all time get free waffle down at the local? Descartes Dexter's Bikinth to the designer? I can't think of a single chef in the Prismatic Pathway that would charge Pike for waffles. And his friends?

You, it's going to be double-triple. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, I'm picking. Anyone who walks with them, loophles are on the house. Do you do, like, custom detail work, like decals and touch? And, like... No, no, we're not going to pay extra.

It just needs to be fixed. For Pike, if Pike's oldest, clown chum, chuggles? Well, describe what you want, excruciating in detail. We'll see if we can't get it done. Don't say clown chum. Come here, okay, okay.

Can it look like this? I'm gonna like hold like a piece of paper with, uh... Oh, you are one sick puppy. You want this on your ship? That's anatomically correct. It's physically possible. I mean, we can do it. Sir, we can do it.

But are you absolutely sure you want to fly around space with that thing hanging off the ship? Give me the Pixar special, my good man. Well, well, All right. Clearly, he hasn't seen women from the Pixarist system. That's what I'm saying.

That's fucking brilliant. You son of a bitch. Can you do it? Have it be on the opposite side of my bumper sticker. My other ride at the Lama Corny. Yeah, the Lama Corne one. I noticed that. Give it a little bit of symmetry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like that. All right. Well, I'd like to supervise you taking the ships out of the hangar so that I can lock up appropriately. Not a problem. We can get him slept out right now. You can lock up the ship and, well, we'll get started as soon as we can presently.

And he'll walk around snapping out of a couple people. Hey, move quick. You understand? This guy's got the sparrow. Come on, it's back. And a couple other, like, very similarly addressed people, all run up. And they'll have, like, basically fork lifts that'll go under the ships and kind of lift them up with a little curved, like a hammock kind of thing.

And they'll take your personal ships out into the hangar at large and drop them there. It'll take them probably 20 minutes to get just the four ships out of the bay. Well, there you go. I mean, we're all out, so we can definitely get started here. We'll start with the Sparrow. I don't know how quick I can get this done. I want to give it the care that a ship like this deserves, but we'll work as fast as we can, sir.

There's no need to rush. We're going to be here for a bit. I'll hit a few buttons on my arm, and the hanger will go a sort of purple force field that normally kind of keeps it sealed. Descends and shuts off the hanger. Hey, buddy. Don't let a single soul on board.

you understand? Including robots, anyone. If a fucking single thing happens or anyone tries to get on board, you let us know right away. You understand? All right. Good job. The dock will see this force field

come over the ship and just kind of gaze at it. Extremely appreciatively of the feat of engineering it would take and recognizing the color. I'm gonna go ahead and guess that we'll just provide whatever tools you need to work on your own ship. I mean, plenty of self-modifications on mine. I mean, do what you can, get her fixed up.

I can handle the rest. And if a robo-pugs shows up, you follow his orders. Well, okay, I mean, you can dictate a second, for sure. It'll make sense when you see the RoboPug. Okay. We'll listen to the orders of the RoboPug. Yeah. If they were show up. Same straight.

There we go. They were friends of Vespairro now. My dread not. It was not special at all. A hydraulic mining vessel. If it would cost less to buy a new one. Then do repair it. Do that.

Well, okay. We'll see what. we can do to get you back up and running in that old mining gear. I don't know that we have anything like that laying around on account of here is this is a racetrack and not a mining colony, but we'll see what we can do to just patch it up for you. And to clarify, it's not a Dreadnought. It's an excavator 9,000, but it's with an X. Oh, I noticed that. Very edgy of you.

Is that true? I don't know. What is? Let's move on. Moving beyond that, little snafu. Uh, well exactly it. Yeah? Um, do we get like a big, uh, are there like a lollipop or something that you have for

customers? It's like a bang. We don't have lollipops. We have space lollipops. Oh, I won't leave you to the bowl. Well, all right, here you go. Normally just for good little boys who come with their parents to the shop, but I guess it's If you want one.

Do I see a sign this is take only one? Yes, you do in fact. Fuck. You see a sign that says take only one over the lollipop bowl. And you reach in and you grab a pink and purple swirl. Oh. And if you were to taste it, it is firmly a cotton candy flavor.

I'll like chew on it like it's a cigarette. You did a good kid. We're going to go get some beef waffle. Well, I'm not a kid. That was the other guy. I'm like 97 years old. See you, kid. Okay, well, you got some strange traveling companions, sir.

Yeah, you can say that again. Okay, well, I would suggest you all the best pancakes in town are at the watering hole. We said waffles. Oh, shit. Well, that's way up here. on the road to town. Definitely not the water on. We don't mind the wall. Get the fuck out of

here with your pancakes. Did I say pancakes? I meant waffles. The waffles, best waffles in town are at the watering hole. You have been there many a times. You could say almost

that you grew up there. It fills you with slight apprehension to go back. Yeah. I feel it. As you're saying and I feel it. What I would do is basically if nobody else is anything else they'd want to do, I'd be happy to lead the way. And I would like start walking towards the watering hole. I almost not realize I'm doing it. Right? And like just kind of like talking to you guys as we walk and say,

there's a chance that we run into some people who are pretty surprised to see me. It's been so long I almost didn't make the connection. until we were hearing it. That being said, given the clientele of the track, nobody's gonna sell us out. People might be able to help us out with some favors. So this is our chance.

What we need is a word that you can say that tells us that you want us to kill them. No, no, didn't you hear there's only one rule? rule with rule no fighting no fighting and that implies

certainly no killing so the word is no no that's not the word at all no there is no word

we're not killing anyone here take care of them what is Rex what if Rex shows up we're gonna

come up with a plan and we're going to deal with it. We're not going to fight with the guy. I'm telling you, you don't want to mess with these people. Oh, gosh. Are our space goblin's going to come out if we start PPP and kill us, Bruce, away? I can either confirm nor deny.

Oh, God. The prismatic pathway bouncers. Oh, yeah. Okay, I won't mess it up. I won't mess it up. We will follow your lead. You know what? I feel like we need some waffles.

I feel like after my recent experience, I can't deal with pancake. I got to stay away from all cakes of all varieties. If they only have pancakes, then the no-viting... The watering hole has waffles, and we're almost there. Just everybody hold on to your pants. Okay. Should I change?

No. No, the word is not... I am with you. There is no word. Can you please talk to him? Look, don't kill anybody. Don't fight anybody. Can we just sit there?

and fucking enjoy our fucking waffles in a fucking 1950s diner and a science fiction setting in base. Yes. Trust me when I tell you, this is one of the first places we've been in a long time where people like us are welcome. In fact, we don't draw attention. It's not uncomfortable to have a bunch of bounty hunters around. So let's just relax a little, all right?

We've had a pretty brutal few days. I feel beat up. Let us relax. Oh gosh. What if that one guy's here? Which guy? What one guy? The three horn guy. The guy with the eye patch. Not the guy with the forearms. He runs the diner. He's gonna be there. No, I know he's gonna be there. That one guy. Oh fuck, but with his name. Bracken. What is Bracken here? Oh God. Space Pirate here for free.

or period. I would have never seen a Saurian here, right? I mean, that would be kind of... Extreme. You would never have seen a Saurian. They were, like, on the outskirts of the galaxy. Well, the Sorian, like, war hosts. The actual, like, primal Saurian band

is extremely pushed to the outskirts of the galaxy and really only savages right at the edge as, like, a ghost story. But Bracken was, like, a defector, right? Bracken had split away. Turned to partisan. turn to piracy to reject the more primal side of things and live basically like a free life. You make a good point, but I don't think in particular Bracken's going to show up.

Even if the occasional space pirate happens to wander here, they know the rules. The boundary will take care of them. Okay, I'm just trying to get a lay of the land so we don't like, you know, call the trouble. No trouble. No trouble. No trouble. Hey, you heard me. We've had it very emotional 12 hours.

I'm ready to completely drown myself in waffle. Waffle. Okay, waffle. Waffle. Or pie. Just waffle. Whatever you want and we can afford. Get it.

Okay, cool. And just, you know, try not to make a scene. Yeah. Yeah, but we would never make a theme, right, LeBouche? No Cut to the space Waffle House Uffr That weird green bug alien from

Geonosis and the alien I go over to the Carragut from Stargrap It's the best smash cut Oh man All right We walk to the

We want to leave the garage We walk to the water I want You have that whole conversation on the way of the wall Yeah, not yet. You make your way out of the garage. And as the door swings wide open in front of you, lights strike your eyes so bright,

you have to blink it away for a second. I have no eyelids. You know the scene well, Pike. I just don't know the scene well, Pike. The race having just recently finished, a prelim track deciding who would be able to take place in the Grand Prix, securing their racers number. One by a mysterious racer number eight. Celebrated by all.

You can see banners of people running throughout the town, carrying different numbers of their favorite racer. You see depictions of people as you walk around with helmet, with goggles. You see, though, what is a little bit odd is there is a large group of people running all throughout, all different types celebrating and cheering, but right at the mouth of the garage as the door opens, has begun to amass a small crowd that is whispering as you walk out. And you start to pick up words such as the sparrow. He's back. It's pike. and you will have a couple of it in hush tones. Oh my gosh, it's it him, is it him? Is it actually him?

It couldn't be. He hasn't been here in years. I thought I was pronounced PK. I've only ever read it. This is crazy. It's like, run like the wine. That guy couldn't have been right. I always thought I was Pekin.

Oh, is that why you always just P.K. Fire? What are you shoot this little good? This group of small kids runs up to you and says, Pike, the Sparrow? Yeah, yeah, that's me. I'm Pike. He holds up a poster of the Sparrow in its beautiful coloration.

She in mint condition. Would you please sign this for me? Yeah, sure, I guess. And I take it and I open it up and I'm like, who the hell is making these? I didn't know they. I'm like, I'll take whatever signing up on me he has, and I'll just sign it. Pike and the Sparrow.

He hands you a silver marker. And you draw Pike and the Sparrow on the poster. Wow, it's really here. It's for heaven. Oh, and they run around. The crowd's kind of like, oh, my gosh, it's him. It actually is him. And his best friend.

And nobody else has been burned. Best friends in the Newtaker! No, what do you say in the kettle? Three balloons to all fan the pike. Three balloons? Can you do the sparrow? Of course I can. I fought along fire the sparrow if you didn't know.

What guy should do you find? A hell is flying thawthor. He said fire saucer? Yeah, I think he said five saucer. From the depths of the realms of dip-core. Well, that's pretty. That's pretty lame, I think, right? I mean, it's no sparrow. Yeah, I don't really know.

I mean, flying saucer. That's about the oldest thing anyone's ever seen. Oh, wow. What is it? It's perfect. Sorry, it's a little off. I miss, the shape isn't entirely right, but it's close enough. Sorry, I'm a little off my game

because we witnessed the death of our friend, one of our friends turned into a horrible super weapon, and I witnessed my favorite animal being brood. murdered and either my greatest enemy or my dearest love or both, I had to confront her just an hour ago. It doesn't look like the, it doesn't look like the sparrow at all, it's just a butt. It's actually what you've woven together. It's a very thick side representation of Charlie.

Oh, Space Freud was right. Is that that what's it? Is that what it looked like? Sometimes a peach is just a pitch. Remember that, kids. You got it, K. Oh. Let me try again.

No, they're runaway screaming. Wow, yo. Go on get. You're there famous around here. I don't know if famous is the word that I would use. I'm kind of surprised anybody would even recognize me to be honest it's been so long I'd think most people had forgotten hmm and that would be the case it's been so long since you've held such a prime

position at the track that most people would have forgotten but as one of the top three all-time contestants at the track coming in second place your ship and your name lives down and in the Hall of Fame of sorts, of greatest racers who have ever come through. And their parents, old generation from a long time ago, that still talk about the time they got to see Pike race the Sparrow at the Prismatic Pathway and how unbelievable it was to see the flames tear across the track. May I ask one question in clarification of time here?

Are solar elves living naturally long-lived lives? Like unnaturally long-lived, yes. So when I said that Pike was between late 20s and early 30s, that is the equivalent of... Yes, biologically. Just so you know, he could be a couple hundred years old. Depending on what the equivalent would be. Yeah, yeah.

Elven. He's still unnaturally long-lived. Anyway. Thank you. Exactly right We head to the Waffle House. I mean the watering hole. And you make your way. You guide the party down these pathways. People race through the streets chanting He won, he won, oh, next time we'll get him. I'm so excited for the Grand Prix tomorrow. Can you believe it? It's tomorrow night.

As people are just celebrating in the street, streets, confetti streamers blasting out, lights shining as you make your way through the crowd. And you eventually come upon a more modest building that you know as the watering hole. All the buildings look more or less the same. Outer gray metal, standard door in a larger archway. double entry, almost like saloon doors, you could walk right through and head into the water and hole. And as you stand at the steps that lead you up there,

pause for just a moment considering whether or not you should. I would say that you would all see me generally as a person who doesn't waffle. I make decisions and I stick to them, especially if you make a decision or whatever, and you might notice this, I step up, I take one step up the stairs and I pause for a moment before I continue and I walk through the doors. I'll follow them. You know, Pike, I knew you were good. I don't know you were that good.

Ha. It was a long time ago, Redd. Come on. Another lifetime ago. I'll follow Pike. Into Dexter Jester's 1950s space timer. I mean, the watering hall. Is that another, that's got to be another strong bad thing.

Star Wars Episode 2 Attack in the Clones. And you walk on the Xerrecks, Dexter, Jester, Jester, Johnny Rockets, 1950s, diner.

You hear the words before you see him. And there I was, fighting for my life at the edge of the universe. The wolves didn't bite half as hard as the cold. Oh, he's so dreamy.

Just out at the other end of the bar, you see it first sitting on the edge, a white cowboy hat, surrounded by a group hanging on every one of his words, you see that same orange hair that bleeds into vibrant red frame the face of Rex. I had to blast my way off that planet single-handedly. My robots destroyed, speeder broken. I made my way on foot back to my shit. Everything you can think of stood in my way and some you can. But nothing stops Rex Maxim. Oh gosh, he's just so dreaming. I could fall into his eyes. Oh, Rex. Oh. And it carries on like that at the other end of the bar. He doesn't yet notice you enter. I will point at him and I'll say, hey, wait a minute. That guy's weird. might after waiting.

He looks up. You put your head down. He looks up. What a fuck, though. He doesn't say that. He would say that. He would say a standard. You actually shout out that he's

right. That's up to you, brother. It's up to you. I try to stop him. I don't think I'm saying it loud. There's me. I'm saying it's my friends. Okay, you can, okay. We'll make that claim.

I'm like screaming. Yeah. You get this in the Juggles doesn't recognize, though. And I was like, she didn't fucking head down. That's Rex! Oh! I want to like, like, we keep our backs and we try to get like a... How are you gonna hide me? There's no version.

I was gonna say, my hair sticks out like a sore fucking thumb, you know. I didn't recognize them without his head on. You can all roll a group stealth check. God, Jesus. Oh, no. Hey. Wait a minute. Oh, I don't have the...

have the... What are we making? Natural 20. Oh my God, okay. What are we making? Ready to go. Slip stealth check. Oh, we all rolled action better.

I don't have the ether engine, so... I spiked a 17. Let's go. 17, 27. You are disadvantaged. 27. Oh, you're disadvantaged. Oh, no, no.

It's just disadvantaged. 25. 25, 27, 17, 17. And like, yeah, fuck you. It's true. It's bru. It's bruised. What you think.

What do you think? What's that cost. Trace, I'm just kidding. We're twisting it. 15? We are so fucking stealthy right now. 15. 15. Loves guys are 15. Okay. If anyone doesn't see us, I walk up behind him, I shoot him in the head.

So, well, when I have been able to have getting a new outfit since, since. Basically, before going off to, like, to get dressed to go on this adventure. Yeah, you would have had before you left the Rhapsody as you docked in, I mean even as you were just coming into land, you all had plenty of time, you have in a neat sense that you're in a far more safer

environment. There's there's no pending Eldridge or chaotic horror knocking at your front door. You can get dressed in your wherever you want in your room and be ready to go. I will have basically put on an outfit that is basically a mix between Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races. Oh my God. Or Snidly, they're the same guy. The Snidly, the guy from Wacky Races and Wario from Super Smash Bros., and Brawl. And so I'll have a kind of a helmet and I'll have like a mustache. I'll look like a racer. That's my, that's my racing persona that I have. So I also look clown-like. It also will still be very clownish,

but I'm going to try to not be like so chuckles. So, slightly whiplash. There you go. You get this outfit on, equipped with the hat, the full-blown cape. You also classically have racing goggles, which you couldn't find. Oh yeah. So instead, in the hangar bay, you asked the young mechanic for his. And because you were a companion of the pike of the sparrow, he gave them to you.

So you have pressured a young engineer out of his engineering goggles. Oh, sick. Thanks, kid. And as we leave, Hank walks out and does this. That's a deep cut. And this goes back into the... That is a deep. Get on it!

Holy shit. Hank is mutley. Oh, Jesus. I need to take one side of the booth entirely, given my massive form. Three of your own. You guys are on one side and I'm just having... And you shuffle, even though you are a very odd, noticeable party. You're able to kind of hang to the shadows just a little bit as you shuffle on over

It's been crowded. It's crowded. There are people in here. This is the watering hole. This is the spot to get a bite to eat to hang out And you hear also there's a crowd of people around Rex And make a perception check whoever thinks they'd be perceiving the area I am definitely making them yeah definitely pike. Please don't fuck this up. We're twisting. Yeah, 100%. I got a bazillion plus here. Use two tracts if needed. No, that's a 26. Oh, yeah. 26. You... I said once, let's say it again. You hear and see a couple things. As you look, you keep your eyes primarily on Rex,

but you're also on the lookout for one other person. You scan the crowd, and this is a figure you couldn't miss by a wide margin. And you don't see. that person. But you catch Rex, you see as he shifts and he's regaling the masses with his story, you see pinned to his jacket the number eight. You also hear from them gathered around, oh, oh, Rex, I don't say Pike. Oh, Rex. Yeah, that's right. Say my name, maybe. Oh, what's it like being a top three best racer of all time? Well, well, Oh, it's pretty great. It's hard being as good as Rex Maxim.

I hate that guy. Pike, yeah. Who is the third best razor of all time? Would I know all three? Mm-hmm. I know number one. I guess technically he's now taken number two. Rex is taken number two by the sound of it.

Rex is definitely number two. I'm just trying to make sure to work out. The number one spot has been unchanged since the track has opened. Okay, I know that one. The two and three spots have interchanged between you and Rex for decades. So as it stands right now, based on the conversation that I'm hearing, he's probably beaten my previous record and he's number two. Very possible that he is now number two.

I'm not saying that's safe to say. Yeah, I can name all three. You and two others. Because I haven't raced in so long, and from the sound of what Rex is saying, I fall into number three. Oh. Given whatever's going on here right now,

Rex probably beat whatever paltry record I left behind. Hmm. And number one is a man who's remained unbeaten since the opening of this track. Who's that? His name is Leo Khan. Leo Khan. Leo Kahn?

Who? I've never heard of him, but I'm not really much of the racing enthusiast. Although my Dick Datserly outfit would imply otherwise. It was Dick Datserly. I was right. The most slightly of the plastic is from Rocky and Bullwink.

I'll play with my mustache as I'll fiddle with it. I was going to say. So, is he, do he still races? Do you know this guy? I, I did know him. As for still racing, no, probably not anymore. Is that old bastard still alive?

If I had to put my money on it, I'd bet yes. I honestly don't know. I used to read his name in the space papers. Man, I haven't heard that name in a long time. I have a feeling that if something happened to him, I would have heard about it. Wow. I can't believe you're famous. I feel like how long have we been hanging out for a long time.

Why would you never say anything about it? You must be very proud and really open to talking about it. Sure. Got it. Got it. I can't stop picturing that. Yeah. That's, I can't stop picturing that.

I'm crying. To be quite honest with you, Chuckles, I didn't think we'd come back here. It's only because we crossed the path with Rex again that we're only here in the first place. Otherwise, I never would have suggested it. Well, I mean, I'm in the pretty cool spot. I mean, I've never been, you know, you know, know, friends of anybody famous that I'm aware of. You know, before this, I was feeling a little,

uh, conflicted about turning him in. But God, that guy's a cocky jackass. I'm ready to fucking apprehend that guy and chuck him to the boss. Wait a minute. We've been sitting here for like 15 minutes. Do we need to go up or is someone... No, eventually some disgusting alien with forearms and a filthy apron and fucking mustache.

How are you? It's a race. And that guy exactly walks up. What can I get you? Oh, I thought you was scratching your head on the way over here. That's a part of the experience. You don't have to pay extra. Oh, wow.

Well, I haven't had space dysentery in a while. So we'll have as many waffles as you can offer. One waffle coming up. Good coffee, please. One waffle? One waffle Can you make two waffles? No, four waffles.

Can we get four dozen waffles? Four dozen waffles? Who do you think you? Wait, do you make them? Four dozen waffles coming right up. Oh yeah, and a round for the table something extra strong.

Your most pungent root beer, please. And for the ice cream, let's make it strawberry. He didn't answer my question. Do you make the lovel? I don't cook, I just serve the food. What he said is good. What he said is good?

Please stop touching my around. I can't. I wasn't touching my ass. I was scratching my balls. You're behind me. That's health and anatomy, whatever this creature is. You don't know what you do this. You don't have to use three arms.

do it, jump just one arm. Well, one was for scratching, the other two were for pleasure. He doesn't say that. I hate everything about this session. I'm not gonna tip more than 10-50-up. Four dozen waffles. Strawberry ice cream, root beer float from space. And all the space eggs and space bacon you have.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of space eggs and bacon. No, I don't think you understood what I fucking said. I don't mean a lot of space eggs and space bacon. I mean all of the space eggs and space bacon you have. You're not kidding. All the space eggs and bacon we have. Some credits of space bacon and space eggs.

400 credits. Who would order this much space bacon and... Oh. What is baking lasagna? This is to be the end of Starris Rhapsi. We used to see never again. It's been a real fun time. Camping's over!

Kepin is over. An algebra falls from the sky and consumes all. I find a mini jukebox at the end of the table, and I take out a single credit and I slip it in and I select the song, and now we wait. Bop by the new b'ambe. That's not my fault. Wow, this is my favorite song.

Great song. That's not the one I chose. I'm waiting for it. Nobody cares what you chose. It's the song that's playing. Wop. Bada-woo bop. Wap bamboo.

Holy shit. That is so fucking funny. Okay, well, I'll be right back with all of the space eggs and bacon we have. Four dozen waffles. A strawberry ice cream, root beer, float. Coffee, please. And coffee. I'll have an orange juice.

We don't have orange juice. You don't have orange juice. Oh, no, he means schmorrhage juice. Oh, you meant space orange juice. Otherwise, referred to as smorange juice. Sporange juice. We have sporeng juice, but only if you say spornage juice. I like the waffles with fruit on them.

We don't have that on them. No, you do. It's waffles with some fruit. Say the name. I'll have the fresh and fruity, 3.2. Please. That happens.

It's kidding. Bike order it comes back and it's like covered in peaches. Oh, everything reminds me of her. All right. In this creature with four arms

kind of shuffles away. God he never changes his apron, it's fucking disgust. And he's cleans his hands on his apron, and it has, like, grease stains across the front of it. This forearm

creature walks away. God, that disgusted mustache. Why did they think he was a good idea he could have been fired years ago? Well, what's the play here? I think we need to figure out what Rex's plan is. I guess he means to compete in the Grand Prix.

He thinks he's going to win the whole thing and win that million credit prize. Well, we have a few options. We can let them win, and then we just take his million credits as a finder's fee for the boss. Or maybe we can try to get you in and you fucking beat him. And we win the million credits. Oh. Well, here's the thing. We missed the freelance.

There's no way they'd let me in at this point. I didn't earn my spot. You're famous! And even if we steal the million credits from him, you and I both know that that's not going to be enough to satisfy the boss. He's gonna want Rex in person. Okay. Hawth.

Don't we know that? Don't we know that, like, the boss is actually even more nefarious than we fought, and he killed our old pal, Killivac? What? No, that was Grun Corp. That's totally sad. What the fuck are you talking about shackles? Oh, so the boss, okay.

So the boss is more of an agent out for himself, and so, you know, we're fine turning him over to be horribly tortured and executed by the boss. Well, Killivax was killed by corporate goods. Okay. The boss is more of like a black market mafuso type. He really was the mafia, so. Oh, that reminds me, a round of onion rings, please. I'm put on Don't Stop believing.

My song still hasn't come up. It's pretty good. Immediately as soon as you hit the button, don't stop. I put my present in. Cheez, Jack, what happened. Okay, okay, time out. Time out.

I just want to say before this stream started, we were talking about Thursday when I was DMing, and Mace was like, yeah, you know, you always think you don't prepare enough, and then you throw in a throwaway breakfast scene, and you think it's going to be two minutes, and it lasts an hour and a half. You did this to yourself.

This is all part of the plan. It's been a while since we had space eggs and space space space space. I'm going to say. I'm now a master at pacing. I planned for this. The best part is learning. We can play until four in the morning. The whole time that we're having this conversation, though,

do we still continue to hear Rex? Like boasting. You hear him boasting. You hear him specifically talking. You hear him talking about the stories that you are all a part of, but with him as the central hero and none of you as even players in the show. I'm listening and to hear if he starts name dropping.

Oh. Okay. Shit. Okay. Now ladies, this is Space Wonderwall. I put my clown gun at my shoot it. Don't stop! Oh, it's land.

See, I assume it's two meta. Holy shit. You're not gonna fucking believe this. Yeah? He killed 16 Gruncorp goons. Guy with an interior decorator. Hey everybody, Chuckles here. It's time for an ad read.

This podcast is brought to you by our very own Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of avatres and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and their weekly Patreon-inclusive campaign set on the high feed, shroud over Fultmarsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first.

published supplement the Crooked Moon a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition and don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dife miniatures plushies a tarot deck and more thank you so much I'll see you around we cut back to the diner well I'm the kind of guy oh yeah all right I did it again from the top the last question was I was listening to see if Rex like name drops any of us while he's like telling these braggadocious stories and the question was can we get in the race to win and or can we steal the credits from him whoever asked that question that was me as

always there's only one way that a racer can bypass the eliminations the prelims and get into the race and it's if they have a special bid or vote from the number one racer himself. Kahn. You Klobush. I'm fine, they just weren't playing my song. There are like four or five of them now. Slush, I was thinking.

That's not my song. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It'll play soon, right? I'll put in another. Um, I mean, how, who was the last time you saw Kahn? Is he fucking, is he still around here? What did he look like? Is he also a solar elf or all the best racer of solar elves?

Why is that the cave? If he really, do you all drive variation to the sparrow? Why does he get to drive the speeder and you have a whole spaceship? How did that fucking work? I don't know if he's still around here. Okay. My thought is, he probably didn't leave. The issue is that the last time that I saw him,

we parted on less than friendly words. Hmm. Well, I'm sure we can patch that up. There is no better healing agent than a slice of cake between, I mean, some of it isn't cake between friends. Maybe like, what's something good to split? Like a big bowl of beef stroganoff? Does they have that here?

Look, chuckles. even if I wanted to apologize, I don't think the man would see me. Why? You never know how many years have it been? Maybe in the decades that have followed your falling out, he's gotten time to heal and some perspective to reflect on your, whatever it is that went sour in your relationship, of which I know nothing about.

It's hard to say. It's been too long. Maybe enough time to forgive. Yeah. What happened between you two? To this point, the four-armed gentleman is operating the establishment walks up. Oh, well, here's all the stuff you ordered. Four dozen pancakes, all the space eggs and bacon you can eat.

And that we have one chocolate soda, float, root beer. and coffee. Thank you so much, Mr. looking at your name tag. Oh, shut the Glitto. I... Thank you, Mr. Glitto. I hate to be that guy,

but we ordered waffles. Wait a minute, pancakes. No, no, take them back. Take him back and bring his waffles. Whoa, look at that stack. Look how it moves. You have four arms. For arms, for breaking.

No, Laboosh. There's no fighting. No. No. No, there's no fighting. I hate you. Whoa, those pancakes are... I mean, you can just leave the pancake.

You've already made him. And he's famous. The fluffiest pancakes in town. I really should call it. Maybe you just take me back. A river of butter just like. Delicidates, it's like, I told you we should have left him.

Exactly, the melt just descends around each layer. What do you think? What do you think, Guy? No. Leave them, though. Leave them. Go through glittow. Shup glido.

Now canonically, forearm Shub glit. That's awful. I'm so sorry, Mace. Restaurant, purveter, whatever the proper nomenclature is. I'll be banging one of the waffles. Can you check on the jukebox I am? I've been waiting all of song. Okay, I'll get right on that.

And with all four arms and walks away, the pancakes absolutely, like, bouncing and jiggling as he takes them back to the kitchen. You okay, Shurcles? I mean, really, I mean, Charlie didn't think that bad. enough about Jolly All right Okay

She was an evil heinous clown You're right You're right You're right She can't be fixed or saved That we know of Here's helping Will you stop touching your fake mustache?

Yeah sorry I got I gotta I'm gonna focus on the jukebox Oh they have the dancing brothers Here's Good Gotta have a good time to thank. Gotta have a good time to night.

Gotta have a good time to make. Gotta have a good. You know, I always like those dancing brothers. I'm so hungry. Well, we got all the space bacon and space eggs we gotta ask for. Yeah, come on you start with that. I will just vacuum. I just put, I can grab whole handfuls of bacon

and you just watch it fold into my arm and go into my torso dissolving en route. That's a good question. Have you still been particularly hungry since the incident? Or is he like... Not since the Weaver. The Weaver, okay. Once the Weaver...

He boofed my shoe. Once the Weaver intervened that sensation received. So this is normal hunger. Got it. I'm imagining it's been so long that it tastes and the experience was like the breakfast scene

from How's Moving Castle with how delicious and satisfying it is. Yeah. This is like the most standard greasy, bacon, eggs, diner fare you could get. Absolutely not what would be served in the nicest of establishments or hotels.

And that's exactly what you were in the market for. This hits spots you didn't know you had as it goes down the stomach and you are fully satiated as it's, well, you're not even close to satiated, but it's delicious, it's quite good. Oh, I can't wait for those waffles. Not pancake. I'm trying to be a good clown. Frank, is there anything we should do about Rex now?

This, as he's been asked this, the whole time I've been listening to him, just like running his mouth. Yep. I will say that as you've been listening to him, there have been one or two moments where he's telling a particularly heroic story, story and he has mentioned you by name in the vein of having to have saved you from something, some threat, armed penguin forces on Aurora as they attempted to run down the two of you. He paints a very heroic tale for himself and you as in distress.

I like a new cigarette as Lavouch asked me this question, I say, I'm not sure what we can do right at the moment, but he's over there running his mouth about us to anybody who's willing to listen. We may not be able to fight in this place, but surely we can embarrass him somehow or do something. Well, he's doing his best to embarrass us. Oh, who gives a fuck? Nobody knows who we are. I mean, maybe they know who you are, but frankly, the more incognito we are, the more folks believe his story. the more we can fly under the radar.

Yeah, and I mean, how are we going to embarrass anybody? We don't know how to embarrass anyone, especially not ourselves. As you see that, the Shilk Glitter comes back with a four dozen waffles. The pancakes are gone. The pancakes are gone. Guys, maybe being like a cory mottling, and ain't so bad. Oh, God. Shup Glitto comes back. Great googly-moog.

Here are the waffles. You ordered all four dozen of them. And he walks up and places the stack of waffles down in front. Hmm. Oh, thank goodness. This'll keep me on this straight and narrow. I'll dig in. I'll take the top waffle and I'll roll it up like a cigar

and then it'll slowly make its way up like a chute into my arm as it makes its way towards my central area for digestion. I imagine this is so delicious. It's like the waffle scene from old dogs go to heaven. How delicious these waffles are. It's actually like the peanut butter French toast scene from Shazam.

Oh, so deliciously. These are deep cuts. Oh, wow. That's fucking delicious. Oh, did my root, your float arrive? He brought you the wrong thing. That came in the first order. This guy really fucking sucked.

Also, it's a little cramped on the thud. Pike, are you okay? I'm in the middle, like, I got it first. Pike, are you okay? Am I all right? Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, I can help you, I'm right-handed. I don't know what else to play.

There's playing a room, and I'm like with one, I'm trying to squeeze the beacon in between my I'm like keep the cigarettes my mouth because I can't get my other hand up. Who's at the ends of the booth? Well, LaBouche has one side to himself and then chuggles is on the outside. He's all the way on the inside.

He's all the way on the inside. It's at this moment. You hear, well, now I just had to see who had ordered four dozen pancakes and had them sent back to the kitchen. Only to get four dozen waffles in return. My favorite bounty hunting party.

How's everybody doing? And Rex sits down at the table next to the bush. He leans forward and simply slams his fist on the jukebox. And free as a space bird, fly away with me. How did you do that? It's clearly not broken. I've got another credit.

Well, well, well, Pike. I didn't think you'd come back here. I didn't think I'd come back here either. Oh, chasing little old me still, are you? Heard you, uh, qualified for the Grand Prix tomorrow, eh? Oh, you saw that race, huh? Yeah, you know, I did pretty good. First spot.

I didn't see the race, just heard the news. You only won because I wasn't here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Tough talk. How's my smile looking on the sparrow, by the way? Ha ha ha ha. Oh man. Does the captain know you here yet?

You know him. Word spreads fast. He was probably the first to know. Hmm. You got some balls walking. up to this table, Rex. Oh, that's okay. Again, he's only doing it because

he knows there's no fighting. Otherwise, we'd hand him his ass. Whoa, tough talk, gentlemen. I just came for a friendly chat. I have handed people their ass before. He's testing our fucking self-control.

It's like a right across the table. Oh yeah, hey Rex. It's me juggle. I don't know you recognized me. Who? Was he there last time? Yeah, no, I'm in the sky.

This is what we do. We haven't eaten in a while, so. Oh, I don't mean to interrupt. Well, it's a shame you can't take. place in the race tomorrow. You got a fucking huge bounty on your head, Rex. You understand that? I'm a wanted man, right?

Everybody's looking for a little time with Rex Maxim. Uh. Also, the word you were looking for is lucky. Because you know you haven't beaten me in a race in, well, decades. Decades is a long time ago. Today's a new day. And you don't even qualify to be on the track anymore. I got better things to do, Rex.

Yeah, it looks like. A lot of waffles. Well, I hope you all enjoy the meal. God, you smoke fucking jackass. Wop that stupid fucking grin off your face. Like, if you could race, would you? If he's like getting up and leaving the table, When he's like five feet away, I'm gonna say.

Oh, and Rex, the moment you step off this track, we're taking you in. Well, I believe you're gonna try. You know, they say he never got back in the ship after you left. If that's true, then it's a damn shame. I'm sure I'll see you in the stands tomorrow. I'll shoot you a wink from the finish line. You gentlemen, enjoy the waffles. You enjoy your final fucking days of freedom.

Oh, man. I'll never get tired of our witty back and forth. And he walks away. You hear him hail the bartender. Yeah. Can I get a, just an order of space eggs and bacon? We're all out. Yes.

Dig a fork in that. You're like shaking the morning to get him laying in the air. He definitely looks back and he's like, I'm making the bacon. I'm making it a bacon. Well, well, well. Rex certainly looks very silly. Oh.

He like covered in milkshake. You have a mustache like a mustache. Yeah, he certainly looks very silly. You upended it when the straw no longer works, so you have this rim of ice cream around your fit. around your fitz. Oh, God.

Cut a different, never, their belt. That's exactly right. Oh, you gotta fucking find a way into that race. We can't let him win. If he wins, he'll be such a fucking celebrity, there's no way we're taking him in. We'd have to go talk to Khan.

All right. We'll talk to him. We'll get him in. We'll get you in the race. And then I'll do those modifications I told you about. I have some ideas rattling around my brain. It's not a guarantee that he's going to let me race. I'll have faith, Pike.

If there's anyone you can convince, it's an old racer like him. We'll see. Do you know where he is? Is he just living here somewhere? I know where he used to live. A man like Khan probably wouldn't move very much. My guess is he probably is in the same place I left him But you never really know

I haven't really kept tabs on this place You think he's dead No He was always a tough bastard And a whole lot smarter than me that's for sure That's for sure really I agree He kept his nose out of trouble It's part of the reason we had a falling out.

You got into trouble and he bailed you out and you cost him like his arm or something and he had to sacrifice for you and you were really not grateful at all? It's not that... Oh. It's not that intense. Oh. The man basically raised me. Whoa.

He took me in when I had nowhere else to go. He's the one who taught me how to race. Ultimately taught me how to fly. He's the reason I'm as good as I was. Back then, Rex and I were more or less rivals. We were racing against each other all the time, and Khan, of course, that's how he learned. That's how he taught us.

Who would win for you were Rex? Well, in the beginning, it was Rex. What a bitch. He was a natural learner. He had something that I had something that I I didn't. He does have a certain genesis, quad, and you're right. A what?

A certain... A what? A certain... thing what he's caught about. Ah. But over time, something changed. You know the light, the radiance that emanates from me? You've seen me do it.

see me do it, the solar step, the abilities that I have while we're fighting. Your Elfi etherealness. Something about that. Unlocked. Khan said I had potential. He saw that within me and he helped me nurture it. And after that, I couldn't lose. Whoa.

Needless to say, old pretty boy over there didn't take it very well. He doesn't like coming in second. But ever since then, I never lost him again. Time went on and Khan tried to shield me from certain things, especially regarding this inner nature, this soul, something about me. But adventure called. Whoa. I had to get out of here.

I wanted real freedom. And where else to find it but in the stars? So I left. He asked me not to go, and I told him to get Ben. Whoa, did he? Get Ben? He didn't take it, well. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever saw him.

He told me not to return, and I didn't. Until now. Well, let me posit this. Let's say we go to the old man. What are the odds that he gets, you know, like Hollis Mason from the Watchman? You know what I mean? Like we go back to this old man, get him wrapped up in his old business. He gets beaten to death in his own home.

That's a really deep cut, Malcolm would be apropos and dark and shit, Red. Pike, I feel like now is your chance to regain your honor. No, I'm saying to everywhere. the milk takeover, it spreads all over the table. Oh, my root-to-fruity smoothie! Somehow it didn't seem like there could be any left in the cup because most of it is on your face, but the table is covered. Oh, I got it, I got it.

I went to ret and I say, uh, trust me when I say he is a tough old bastard. All right, I'll take your word for it. Just wanted to throw it out there. So we don't have any regrets. I'll take my bit. Right my mouth on. Well, I think now is the time for you to come to terms with your old mentor.

And then I think that'll give you the genesis, the qua that you need to beat that bastard. And I had no idea that you were so accomplished, Pike. I always kind of thought you were like sort of a deadbeat like the rest of us. You know, a bit of a loser down on luck. In more ways than you know, chuckles. Yeah. I didn't know that you really had like any kind of skill set before that. That's really impressive.

You've seen me fly hundreds of times. I thought it was more of a hobby that you turned into a profession. So be it. Who would do such a thing? That was very metaphor. That's very funny. Anyway, I think that we need to find this guy, get his blessing of shit. Sit on your fucking a hand.

It goes all over the table again. Okay, I'm sitting on my hand. I think that we really need to, we need to get you in the race. Or else there's no way we'll ever pay for the repairs. How is he going to race? Isn't his ship mostly destroyed? How are... It's tomorrow night.

With any luck, the guys who are currently working on the ship, they're gonna put a... They're gonna fast track it, given, you know, who we are. And if we can get in there and make some extra modifications to it, well, we'll be ready in time for the race, but it's all for not if we don't get cons approval. I need this nomination before anything else happens. I'm stuffed. I mean, what else is there to do besides Lifter this guy?

We wait. We wait here until my song plays. What song do you want to hear? Remember walking in the sand. Oh, let me try real quick. Let me try real quick. I'll just put in a crick. It's probably not going to work.

It's definitely not going to work here. Oh, there's a lot. it is. Beep, beat. Hey everybody, my name's Chubby Checkers and I like to do a little dance like, oh, the milkshake breaks the jukeyes and it touches on fire. Oh, that wasn't my song at all. Oh man, that's fool that I picked.

Let's just go. Wait, hold on, we got to pay the check. Check please. Oh, yeah. Okay, here you go. We'll just put it on your ship tab. Tip time. No, no, no. No.

Rex agreed to pay for our order. Rex, Maxim. Yeah. We're all racing buddies with him. Yeah, didn't you see him sit down at our booth? We had a lovely conversation. You mind if I look at the tab before you pass it along the Rex? 400 fucking credits.

Roll for sure to check at disadvantage. I'm kidding. I'm having it. Don't have advantage. No, I haven't been it. We didn't order all of the space egg and space bacon that he had. Hey,

how much space we got in the freezer? We got a lot of leftovers here. Okay. I'll pass it along to Rex. Bang. You're here to go boxes for the rest of the space eggs and space baking. Enjoy your fucking stay.

Thank you, Mr. Glito. Oh. Whatever happened to those pancakes that we didn't order? We threw them in the trash. That seemed like an awful wave. If we want, we could go through the trash. Maybe just a look. You have a bunch of sick bucks.

So why don't they keep moving like that? You leave, you leave the watering hole. Oh my god, I'm so appalling. As you leave the watering hole, You see the trash cans out front jiggling to and front. Leave the white flag quickly. Where's gonna wave from this horrible dinah? I would attempt to lead us to where I remember

Leo Kahn's residence meeting or where, maybe where he would hang out in his shop. But looking for people that might know where he is and ask along the way. And just go off of what I remember. off of what I remember, what I recall, and whoever we might pass that might have knowledge. You're leaving, and as you get just almost out of the watering hole that you hear, how much did they eat?

As you carry on, so you pick up the base. Oh, hold on a minute, geez it, hold on a minute, do you have the third menu? No, you're out. Not to die it anymore, you're out. We're going, we're left. Yeah, you're on the road. The DM being like, get out!

No, no, you're actually already at Leo Kans. You're walking down the street. Go over there! Holy shit, it's right over there! There you go! This is Leon Kahn's place with it like a blinking Yeah, that's funny. You come across

the exact sent you come across a dock walking home from the Hager Bay that checked you. It's good to run into you again. Do you, can you tell me if Khan is still around here? Does he have the same shop or residence? It's been a long time since I've been to the track. You're looking for the captain? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well, he used to live just down that way, but since,

A couple years back, it's hard to remember when. He moved, he built a little extension on his shop out by the track up top. He's got his garage up there, and he just lives over there now. No one knows why. He hasn't been back in the ship, and it's hard to say how many years. Oh, no, you got Hollis Mason, didn't me? Come to think of it, probably around the time. I mean, it would have been around the time you stopped racing.

Oh, God. All right. Thanks, Doc. We'll go, uh, we'll go find this shop. Come on, guys. And I would, uh, I would go search for this, you know, shop that he may have built by the track in the back and see if we can get in there and hope that people wouldn't stop us. And he'll say just as you're parting, uh, it's hard to miss. It's just, he's got the best view of the place. As the number one guy, he gets free rank. So, I mean, some say hell, he built the prismatic pathway. All sits on his shoulders.

He keeps this place running, but he's got a little spot just looks over the whole thing. He can see every race. Thanks, Doc. We appreciate it. Damn shame he doesn't do it anymore. Good luck. Thanks, Doc. You're always full wisdom. You're welcome, nameless companion.

With your foxy idioms. folksy idioms. We proceed. I would have with so many poisons. Let us proceed. I've never seen him the Y, the wherever before. I've never seen him so damn

or ever before. Guys, I don't want to spoil. And you're walking. We're walking. I don't want to. to spoil a moment with your former mentor. He might be like, holy shit, that's a Motleian.

What the fuck are you doing? I know my disguise is really good. But does it make more sense if we split the group and we sabotage wrecked? Will you guys get, or you guys take care of getting the approval? Maybe Labush and I can sabotage. Is that against the rules? Oh, it's definitely against the rules. But like whenever you kill there anything? Well, they take racing here pretty seriously. I can't stop you if you want to go mess with Rex, but if I had to guess he's going to have security and then also the shop guys and then also the race officials and there's a lot of personnel that float around here and keep an eye on things. How are they going to stop us? They won't fight. Whoa. There's a reason that no one fights.

and those people are the ones that would stop you. To put your mind at ease, though, Chuckles, I don't need you to sabotage him for me to beat Rex. Damn straight. Well, do you think it would help? I don't know what to tell you. I think you're putting yourself at needless risk, especially being motley in and drawing attention to yourself unnecessarily.

You're right. Maybe we just stalk him a little bit. I can't stop you. I could do harmless pranks like tie his shoe lasers together. This was gonna say, you're just heartlessly breaking. It's harmlessly breaking. Now, if the man wasn't able to sleep for the next 24 hours, that would probably mess him up.

Definitely. I don't want to poison him, but let's just say, if he has to go number two, he's gonna come in numbers, he's gonna be raping. number two. During the race. Go buy some space laxatives. I've got my concoctions.

You already have lexatives? Did that surprise you? No. Anyway, how would you guys go have the emotional reunion and we're going to go see if we can stalk and harass and sabotage Rex? Whatever you want to do. I'm not going to stop you.

Okay, I have a really good idea. Yeah, great. I will join you. I mean, if we're gonna split the party here, I could get started on my Modifications if it's not you know if it's tomorrow night. Well, I definitely wouldn't hate that That's a good idea and that way we're not cramping your vibe, Pike. I feel like oh, hey, it's me and all my my friends that I've abandoned you for How's he gonna take that especially when I've got this mustache? He's gonna take it however he takes it I choose to be with you guys. I wouldn't bounce around the solar system if I didn't want to.

I hear you, but I think if it's for the best, the urge to scream con would be irresistant. Yeah, no, I got to take him. All right. We'll go. We'll go, we'll go, we'll go fine, rat. We'll be really incognito. Whatever you say, but I'm telling you,

be careful, and don't break the rules. We won't. We would never fight. Never. We're not fighters. We're not fighters. I'm a lover. I'm not a fighter. We are the galaxy. Come on.

We are the Uzois. The Moffians. Enter the party sports. You know wherever to go on your eye, James. I, Russ, God help you. Rett goes to the hangar to fix his ship, and Pike makes his way to the captain. And...

And break. And break. Rhett, you get to the hangar bay, quick and easy. You see the ships are well underway with the work that they're accomplishing. Doc has already made solid headway on the sparrow. It looks almost completely fixed.

He is dedicated. He dedicated a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into bringing this back to its former glory, but it still has a ways to go. He has a team working on it what looks like around the clock. You can tell he did also spend some time on your ship in particular, fascinated by the marvel of engineering that it is. Etherdwarf or specific engineering feats by yourself, heavily modded, have been touched. But just standard, like, whole repair with great care to respect what you've done to maintain in its place.

You two chuckle fucks. I don't know what's going on. You're going somewhere to do something. They said, and I quote, we want to stalk Rex Maxim. To do harmless pranks. You've got to stalk Rex Maxim. Do your harmless pranks. You go back to the watering hole, you get mesmerized by the trash cans and you're tanked for right now.

Yeah, no, we're off doing shenan again, Photonleafide. Yeah, it's just as a trash can's in the diner. Everything were, should I call her a little bit? No. Yeah, she was evil, right? Would you even be able to call her if you wanted to do? Was she like, like, maybe morely gray?

No. Yeah. No, she was evil. Do you remember when she was evil? she cut the Lama Corn's throat? Yeah, that was pretty dark. That was really bad. This is a dark shit. That was really bad. Jack in the boxes,

those were all people she found, named Jack, that she murdered and then turned into jacking boxes. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah, that's bad. She tried to turn us all against you. Yeah, you're right, you're right. The further I get away from it, the more I'm starting to, like, make excuses. You're right.

That lava court? Oh, that's horrible. I'm glad we saved him. Brett saved him. Okay, well, I have an idea for harm with pranks. Okay. That may not be that harmless. And Pike, you are wrong at the captain's place.

You walk up by yourself to a familiar scene. It is a large space the workshop door is open. You see a dusty, like, covering or tarp thrown over what you would assume to be his racer, the Atlas. It looks like it hasn't been touched in years. There's a crew running around just standard maintenance people. You don't see the captain as you walk past but they're attached at the far end as you move along the the garage space, there is what looks to be a residence that very clearly has a second level

with wall, floor-to-ceiling windows that looks out over the racetrack. I would just be walking through this area, like taking it all in, like, you know, the smell of like the oil and the machinery and like, you know, a fuel and things like that and like remembering back to the last time that I might have been here. The oil hits, the oil hangs in the air and hits your nostrils like it never left. As you walk through, you can almost swear that you could hear the roar of the engine of the Atlas coming to life one more time. This is as much memory lane as is possible for you as you move through this space. You think about all the near winds, the checkered flags, the laughs, the heartbreak that you had while you were here.

And for a moment, you think on that time fondly. I would proceed forward to find an entrance to this residence and see if there's a door that I can knock on. As you move forward, you go along the garage. It's granite floor cool with little work that's happened as of late. you move towards the residence and it's very clear that someone's home and there's a front door that you can knock on. It's a couple seconds before the door slowly opens and an imposing figure stands in the doorway.

Remember where I put these things? Okay. A large, not quite as large as LaBouche, but a tall and a tall and a small and imposing figure stands there. What was once white fur now turned a deep gray as the captain, Leo Kahn, a giant now gray-fured Leonin, stands in front of you. One blue eye and a large burn scar that runs up his right face. what now is a glass eye. I heard you were back. Hey, con. You got some nerve showing up here. And he turns and walks into the house, but leaves the door open. I'm going to take a step inside and say,

mind if I smoke? He'll just gesture. I'll walk in and I'll close the door behind me. Sure has. What brings you here, Pike? I'm going to be honest with you. We came here because we had a tip. that Rex was coming back and he's got quite the bounty on his head and you came here to get him you know there's no hunting at the pathway rule I put in place we know

and it's not a rule that I'm here to break but the moment that he steps off that track we're taking him in that's between you and him as long as it doesn't happen in my town. And he will continue to walk upstairs. Presumably you would follow.

As we head up the stairs, I'll just say to him. Rex is mixed up and some pretty bad stuff. Rex is Rex. He's always done what he's wanted. Gotten into trouble here and there. But nothing like what Drew, you way understand Rex is an upstart but he's not a bad guy sits down in a big weather chair that looks out over the racetrack nothing's happening out there but he

sits down and he stops looking at you and you see he's got a drink in his hand and you can see his desk off in one section of the room very very minimal out to you that's on it. A framed photo that's placed face down and a stargazer Lily, a single one that sits in a vase. Did you have any hesitation letting Rex enter the prelims? Anybody can enter the prelims that wants to race. Rex is an honored racer. He entered of his own accord and I wouldn't stop. You gotta let me enter the race. Mike, I take no pleasure in saying this, but you're lucky I let you stay the night. You want to give people a show, right?

There's only one man on this track that can beat Rex Maxim, and it's me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that after all this time, you showed up on my doorstep and still you just want something from me. Well, here's what I'll give you. I won't deny you and your friends tickets to the show. You can sit in box seats and watch the race. When it's done, you leave the pathway. So that's it?

What, do you want me to beg? I don't want you to beg, Pike. I just don't want you to stay. There's nothing I can do to change your mind. I saw the sparrow tear up the track more than enough for my lifetime. I don't need to see it one more time. I'll nod to him and I'll get up and I will put out my cigarette in an ashtray that might be on his desk. And he'll slide four tickets, like electronic, like gray slab things with blue readouts. He'll slide him over the table to you.

Pick them up and as I go to leave his office, I'll stop at the doorway and I'll turn around and I'll look at him And I'll say, you know, for what it's worth, you were right. I shouldn't have left. And I'm sorry. And then I'll proceed down the stairs and leave the shop and head back towards maybe the hangar to find Rett where I know he's working on the sparrow. With my head kind of hung low, hands in my pockets, tickets in my jacket pocket. And I'll light another cigarette as I walk through this city. to go back to find.

Make a perception check. 17. With a 17, as you start to walk away, you hear what sounds like maybe something you kind of recognize. A frustrated, almost guttural, not quite a roar,

but the sounds of extreme frustration and the shattering of a glass. And you make your wife back to your friends. And you would know this, but for the relevance of it, his racer number is seven. Oh, of course I knew that. And you prank Rex. Oh, we have ideas. No, we cut back to them and they're still like that.

You have to check. So what do you want to do? I don't know. What are you wanted to do? I don't know. What are you wanted to do? Well, Chuckles is planning on sabotaging Rex in a subtle way if it's possible. I have my own ideas as well.

We're walking, full of bush. What do you think we should do to him? Well, uh... We could go to the nearby... store, a market of some kind, and buy some sort of outrageous fruit or vegetable. And we leave it. We leave it in his mailbox or on the seat of his car. Cavier told me once that happened to him and it lived in his head, Rens free. That's a pretty prank.

Caviar was a sharp guy, wasn't he? Yes. I was thinking about like finding out what he's allergic to and then using my mind altering discorded magic to basically make him get absolutely wasted and eat nothing but stuff he's allergic to and not sleep. I mean, I think we can find ways to make sure he doesn't sleep without actual sabotage.

That was what Pike warned us against. Triggering an allergic reaction could mean disqualification or perhaps jail. Ugh. That's why the... But I mean, what if we know, the root or vegetable angle? It's just so insidious it could work.

No, you're not going to notice it for like Dave, then the race will be over. Ah, it may happen, yes. Yeah. Perhaps we roll the dice and we try that, and whatever you want to do. Man, should we try it? Should we like, oh, hey, Rex.

Oh, we also disguised ourselves as, like, sexy, uh, ladies, they wanted the autograph. I don't know how to do that. I just wear this suit and I look like this. Oh, I mean, I could give you one of my magic masks. Does that work? Yeah, I remember what Cash Ruh and Shrukels fit? That was very effective, but he was a humanoid desk like yourself.

I... not know if it work on my Uzoid body. Well, we've been distracted by the train. trash can. I'm gonna take a look to see if Rex is still there, and then we'll see. Okay. Gosh, this is really a filthy diner. Okay. You peer in through the window, uh, and it looks like Rex is long gone. We lost him! Fuck! We lost him! Okay. Now we have to, we've got to figure. Let's track him down. If I was an unbearable douchebag, where would I go?

Oh my gosh. He is going to the tasseled leather leggings store. Sounds like to me. If I was him, that's where I'd go. Well, let's go. Okay. We go out the wacky shenanigans

trying to find racks. We go down to the market and we look for millions of tassels. You spend hours doing this. You find every excuse to go to every space. sex shop you can think of to explore where you think you might be. Roll a investigation check. I'm helping him.

Roll. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. We like to stock wrecks. Advantage. Well, we're doing what we said we were gonna do. Investigation. God, that's funny.

17. You, where were you going to Tassel's Leggings store? Yeah, we're looking, we're trying to think about, yeah, the tathold, like, leather store, like, we're going to, like, we're going to, like, a store that has a big neon cows skull on. Oh, my God. And maybe not back steakhouse. Yeah, yeah. We're going to, oh, he would go there. I stomp up to one of those, like, in the mall menu maps that they have, like, the kiosk. The kiosks. Yeah, I'll stomp up to that, and I'll look for tassel stores, and I see that there are two. There's millions of tassels and there's white tassels

He could be in any of one of these two Or you were elf on the fate that show I'm just making this up by I may or may not actually be doing that you see a shop that does have not a Not like a horned cow skull but a large star belt buckle as its as its logo long star and you go up to the shop and you look in through the window and you see the smiling face of Rex Maxim as a cardboard cut out that shows that he is like a sponsored um he wears their belt buckle sponsored on the racetrack whoa what a nerd i was able to swipe this zucchini on the line

way. Good job, let's save that for plan B. And he is also in there, purchasing another belt buckle. Okay, hold on. I have my math. Are you ready? What do you want to do? Okay, we're gonna be fan that we gotta find out what he's allergic to and or afraid of. And then leave the rest to me. I'm gonna twin spell disguise. Oh, I guess I need a roll for my wild magic. Where's my D8? It triggers. Wow. We're not going to get this print.

We're going to just burst into flames. No, we don't know. We don't know. I need a D10 that isn't a fucking percentile die. Oh my God, they're all percent. Well, this will be the first. 62. It is in my character sheet, I believe.

Manage, manage characters and levels. Class features. 10. 62. It's probably not that bad. For the next minute, I must shout when I speak. What?

For the next minute, I just shout all I speak. Okay, Laboot! So now, so we, I twin spell and I hand the mask and I hand it to you and I put it on.

And I am going to turn into basically the attempting the spitting image of the host from the Cowboy Bebop Bounty Show. Yeah. Judy Judy. Judy. With like the blonde hair and like the tassily vest and like the cowboy hat.

Do you have to, does that just happen or do you do anything to? Yeah. Perfect. Okay. So you do that. There's like a limit to how much taller or shorter it can make yourself. It's nothing crazy, right? As long as the humanoid is good. So you're able to replicate that. Well, guys, it's.

There might. There might also be rules if somebody, like, touches you, right? And, like, examples you too closely. Right? Yeah, yeah. Because that might, that might come in a thing, unfortunately for you. There's, like, you actually change your shit. And then there's, like, it's a skin illusion around it.

Right. I can't remember it's like if they touch you. But one's illusion, I think. The changes, Robbins, they all fail the whole up to physical inspection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as long as you know, he's going to physically, bro. Okay, partner. I look like the other guy from the... Punch.

Yeah. No, you got up. They are punching Judy. Which is a deep cut of its own. This is... I mean, you choose the form for me. I would not be choosing for myself. So whatever Chuckles would say...

We're a... We're a pair of sexy tourists looking for... Looking for what you're called. You're like my sister. We look like the sisters from... I actually... We're from the sister and Soul Leader.

I'm Patty and... Liz and Patty. Yeah, you're Liz and I look like Patty. Do I look okay? Yeah, you look right. Stop shouting! Oh, you are great! No, stop!

Oh, using the momentum of the screaming and knowing that Ricks is almost certainly looking over at us through the window, I'll go... There! The door swings open as you're doing this, and you hear it... Now, don't worry, this happens to me quite a bit. Ladies, aren't you a tall drink of water and a short stack of pancakes? Oh, ooh! I have such a white with words! It's okay there, lady. I'm here, lady. I'm here.

now you don't have to keep shouting at me this my sister Liz Melvin but but seeing you mr. Rex Maxon as you being so famous of all things well for fans I see I'm happy to sign an autograph or anything else you like you might like me to do for you yeah well we all we have a bet you see going on we said and and my sister Liz says uh we was guessing uh what y'all might be allergic to and also what you might be afraid of. If you just have a list of your fears. No, he thought that Mr. Rex Mason was so, so brave and so perfect, but, you know, certainly he must be down to earth and a relatable fella.

Probably not brave enough to give away all of his fears. All of the thing. So if you can say... I'm so confused right now. You have to know, this is what happened. If you sign this poster, and it's Justin to Fibberman, the paper menu from the diner.

If you can just sign this with that, that would be so amazing. Oh, my goodness. Well, darling, I'll sign anything you'd like me to. With your list of ears and your allergies, too. Roll a persuasion check. Spike it. With any 50 twists on this, I don't give me shit.

I'm ready. Give me two twists. Another one. Give me one more quest. One more. 13, 12, 14. 15. Weird. So 15, yeah. Wow.

That's not bad. That's good. So 15 plus, I mean, I don't know how I'm good at... I mean, you're a skill monkey bar. Yeah, it's going to be a nightmare explosion. Plus 11, that's 26. That's pretty fucking good. That's really good.

We're at 26. Well, yeah. And as he's signing with the 26, I'm just panicking, like, so hard. You're clapping without the hands. I'm doing the Aaron Brackovich, like. You got a bend and snap, bro. I'm doing this. Well, guys are you all very convincing.

Mr. Rex max, of all people, will be writing this time. Well, I am happy to write down this signature for you. And you should know that Rex Maxim has no fears. However, for ladies such as yourself, I'll let you in on Little Secret. Oh, we love secrets. Don't we see us? And he leans in close. Oh, not too close.

And he reaches out to put a hand on your shoulder. Oh, no. I've never been touched by a celebrity before, you know? This is brutal. I am terribly allergic to shellfish. Oh, is that so? I just clam right up. Exactly right, but don't let anybody know.

The Rex Maxim allergic to shellfish. That's just a little something for you, too. Well, God, tragedy, if you spend all in every seafood bar in this town, I ain't? Yeah, I would never do that. I cast a jession on them. Never do that, yeah, you would. Oh, what is that a shame? I suggest.

And I'm using heightened spell, madamegant, which he's disadvantaged on this role. It is a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom 16. And he's about as wise as a bucket. Shit. It's very funny. Well, did I say I'd never do that?

I'm at normally I'd never do that. But I haven't had shellfish and so long, I'm curious if I'm still allergic. You truly are afraid of nothing. Yeah, he truly is serious. I think I'm going to spend the rest of tonight down an oyster shooters at every bar on the pathway. Well, maybe

you could buy us a round of space oyster shooters just so we can confirm that you're actually going to do it. And then we'll blow you with kids good night. How about that, big fella? Well, I think I would enjoy that quite a bit.

Oh, well, how about it? Let's go. This is disturbing. Why don't you take these two VIP passes to join me? You could cheer me on tomorrow in the box seats. We'll be there! Well, actually, do you have any more than just two? Now, do you have four? Because we have some.

Our other sisters are coming in. They look just like us. That's true. They're as pretty as you are? Except for the pretty one. She's really pretty. Actually, we are ugly compared to our two cisterns. Well, then you know,

so you definitely don't get us those two other VIP. Well, you can have. five tickets in case you meet a beautiful friend along the way. Oh, well, thank you. Gosh, let's go celebrate these VIPs with the round of Worcesters, Space Oyster Shooters. And you navigate to the closest bar at which point the three of you. The three of you will down the first round of oyster shooters as you blow Rex a kiss and carry on with your night. Oh, good night.

Well, it was nice to meet you. Let's get out of here, Liz. a left pretty uh... I think that worked. I think it did. I can't believe he didn't say that he was allergic to apex. Hongka, hunger!

That's very funny. Thank you. Thank you. Band! Band! Oh! I was headed back immediately to where Rett was.

We head back to the Rapp. I don't want anything to do with any of that. You are. meet back together. We would have probably, like, faded. Like, we'd been strutting up and then suddenly, like, oh. It's the same thing, you bulge is out.

You know, like, sloth on. The hair falls out of your head, the blonde just lands on the floor. My head gets larger and larger, and, like, actually filling out the helmet so it pops away and then my helmet is there. Well, as long as I don't get, as long as I can't get,

oh, I mean, excuse me, Excuse me. Yeah, you don't. Oh, yeah. I got these big old dastardly gloves. Um. Should we walk back directly to the Rhapsody or swing by a trash candle too? It's right over there.

No, I gotta stop reminding myself of her. We gotta forget about that. That was kind of fun. This is like, you know, kind of guide might. It's the same that Rhett and pipe mithed out on it. That makes me feel better for some reason. Let's go. Yeah, let's go.

Snack cut to Red. Just want to. Take it right away. I don't know. I don't work. Taking notes. And you all recollect at the Rhapsody together. Gotta go.

Not good. What does that mean? Khan said after the race tomorrow we have to go. But he gave me these, and I pull out four tickets and I dropped them on the desk next to you. We have a box. We can enjoy the race from afar, but he won't let me race. I told him. Rex is in some serious stuff. He's in way over his head. I told him about the bounty. I even apologize to the man, but he didn't want to hear it.

Damn it. Well, I guess I Stop wasting my time, man. Wait, you weren't able to persuade him? There was nothing I could say that would change. is mine. Well, the booch, I guess we got a food up again. We have a lot of oysters to serve. Oh my God. That's incredible. Ah.

Wham? Wee-we-we-we-d-d-d-n-a-n-n-n-l-l-le-lis. Well, I set out to run Pirates of the Caribbean, but now I'm running veggie tails. That's a bummer. Oh, we scored four VIP tickets. Do you have VIP tickets too? We have our own private box, it seems like. Well, gosh. Let me take a look at these.

Yeah. God, these are Rex's section. We're not sitting there. That's for damn sure. Yeah, I don't know if Rex is going to be up for racing tomorrow. At least he will be at top of it for. What did you do? We definitely didn't violate the rules.

I told you not to sabotage the man. No, we didn't sabotage the man. So it was a harm with a prank. Not just a prank, bro. So, so LaBouche and I, we go back to the diner. We spent a couple of, you know, about a half hour by the trash cam. It was like three hours.

It was like three hours they spent at the trash camp. Yeah, you know, we hung out by the trash can, hanging out. You know, and then we were like, oh, shoot, right in the bank. So we went down to the shopping district, went to the novelty belt buckle Emporium. Of course he was there. So we disguised ourselves as two very pretty tourists who are here for the race, live in Patty.

Our whole thing is that we were a pair of blonde sisters, who actually there were four sisters, but we were just two of them. We got there a little early, so we decided to do it's for the town. And so then we approached and he signed this autograph. I hand over to the diner menu that I have stolen. with his signature. And he told us he's allergic to shellfish. So I use my motley and discordant magic

to warp his brain and suggest that he goes and down as many oyster shooters as he can without sleeping. So he'll do that for the next eight hours. You know, chuckles, we could have at least sold those tickets if he was going to race tomorrow.

But the second they announced that he's puking his guts up, those tickets are. worthless. Oh, you think that it doesn't matter how bad he's feeling. Rex is way too much of an arrogant prick to ever actually bow out. He would rather

shit and puke himself on his speeder during the race. And he's really going to become racer number two out there. You have away with words. I'm telling you, he's going to show up. And we can still sell these tickets. We can pawn them. Look, at the end of the

day, it doesn't even matter. I'm not allowed to race. All right. Easy. Come, easy go. There's got to be another way. I was so sure. He would be accepted into the race. Well, why don't we just watch the race, let him win, and then the

second he fucking leaves, let's scoop him up. That's fine. As long as we do it far away from the raceway, all right? Con gave me fair warning that there's no bounty hunting, no fighting anywhere here, all right? And I told him that we weren't going to break

the rule. We were just waiting for wrecks to leave. All right, well, guess I did all this work for nothing. And you'll see like the ether core is now like a larger engine that I can just like bolt on to the back of a spaceship and it's beautiful and glowing and like pristine chrome. I'm sorry, buddy. I really thought that he might, you guys convinced me that he might let me race that if I apologize, all might be okay. I don't understand what he sees in Rex. Well, LeBusch. You're thinking what I am thinking?

That we should all get our own celebratory belt buckles to celebrate. That was not talking. Oh, what were you thinking? Oh, I was all thinking about that. But what I was actually also thinking about was that if he is enabled the race and he's too thick, maybe they'll say, oh, we need a racer. Who else can? Oh, it's such a shame to be down to one.

fewer than the standard race composition. And then you can be, I have returned after all of these years, and out the crowd will go, what? It'll be drama. I can try. But again, no one steps foot on that

raceway without the captain's orders. Wait, hold on. If Rex is going to be shitting himself for the next 48 hours. Oh, next, yeah, it'll well depend on how allergic he actually is. Hopefully he doesn't die. and then we actually committed manflour.

We would look like such asses. Doesn't he, uh, we're kind of an anonymous get-up, face covered, just the number eight on his back? What if we just send Pai-Can with a similar outfit? We'll just play them off his wrecks. Whoa!

That's the greatest idea I ever heard, Brett. That's genius. Do you think you can shit yourselves? No, no. No one knows that this is going to be shot at all. Oh, oh, oh. I've got him. That really got me.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. And you all decide to go to bed. For the night. I guess I'm going to go to bed. We immediately pass out. Yeah. The night passes uneventfully.

Except for you, Lubboot. For the second time, since your journey began, you have a similar dream. You see yourself on the beach. An expansive, almost looks like ice, like snow-white ice, extends as far as the eye can see, out in front of you. You calmly enjoy the view for a while until you stand up and you move towards the water. And you realize that it's not ice at all, but white webbing that extends all out in front of you.

Like the silk of a spider. Covering and everybody awakens. I'll wake up. I'll be holding the cinnamon rabbit that I made. And I'm gonna try, either before bed or after bed, try to think about Jolly and think about what I remember, to see if there's anything else. And then I finally leave a private dime

to like decompress and all of the shenanigans. I, there, it was like, squeeze, squeeze, please, please, please,

I'm gonna think about Jolly and try, in a very, and not in that way, I'm gonna try to like, I'll be like to kind of staring, I'll be like in my bathrobe, my bunny slippers, I'll be staring at the ceiling, and just like very difficult to sleep. I'm gonna try to think, try to force, like I'm so confused, I have no idea what's happening.

I'm gonna try to think about that before we get to the shenanigans of the next day. But I finally have some time alone to decompress. Roll a history check and an arcana check. What? Uh-oh. Let me know which one's which. You have twists.

I'm gonna use one of each. I'm gonna use one of each. Well, I don't know. Oh, that's not. That's not. That's a different. Okay. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Oh. Okay. That was worse. Um, thank you for the twist, chat. Thank you. That's real. So history was a 10. And so I'm adding, I'm adding, I'm adding,

Oh my gosh. History. Deep deep deep beyond, folks. History was a 12. Arcana was a 14. Not bad. With a 12 in history, as you focus on this very deeply, you get snapshots as you rattle your brain and you try and think,

what was that? And you think about a time before correct. surrounded by Lama corns, peaceful and happy. You see across the field a smiling girl, very beautiful, with long blonde hair. You laugh together. With a 14 in Arcana, you recall a time after corruption. When your form had shaped and shifted and you gained chaotic powers and you see across from you jolly both of you laugh together oh no I am going to try

to forget all that again and you all head out into the day you have moments moments to discuss or do anything you may want to do before you would head to the ground Ramprey and make to take your seats. We long rest, presumably? Yes, you would long rest. What's the plan? Do we just sit back in our box and watch? Here's the thing.

As much as I would love to take Rex Maxim's place in the race and give him the glory and not myself or anyone else for that matter, if for some reason, con discovered it was me under there, we'd have way bigger problems than the boss. Let me tell you. Do you have any way to know if your prank worked? I would have,

I would have held concentration. That's how I wouldn't be able to sleep. That's where I was basically thinking and ruminating on Jolly. It's about standard for this level of Chuckles' mental health and ruminating and ruminating. and thinking about it. So I would have stayed up for the whole time.

I don't know if I would notice if it would break, I would keep concentrating on the suggestion. I would say that if you were concentrating on it, you know that it worked. You got the sense of that intrinsically. You watched them take a space order shooter. You watched them take a space order shooter. And if you were continuing to focus on it,

I would say that regardless of where he was, as long as he was within the pathway, you are confident that your spell, your suggestion held. I will have woken up and I would have kind of looked at my four fingers in the gloves. They tried to pull them off and not able to and like gotten back up and after that question, I would say, well, all I know is that he was pounding away through Shooter than drinking and eating shellfish all night, at least for eight hours. So maybe not all night, may have gotten a quick nap in. But if he, what he said was true, he's going to be hurting.

And even if he isn't allergic, that boy would drink a lot of liquor. I'm sure he's never been thicker. So, then maybe we just hope, hey, he at least doesn't get the glory. Some other racers are going to win the million credits. Well, and if he has to leave the raceway in shame, he's going to. It's gonna be real easy to catch 12 hours after this race is done, that's for sure. What if that is the solution? You could take the place of this race rate and you could race the worst race of your life.

I just, I worry about what would happen if Khan found out. I know you guys can't understand, but this is, this is serious. doesn't mess around. What he says goes, especially here. And that'd be a seriously intense, con, to pull the wool over everyone's eyes and play pike off his Rex, and he'd need to get his clothes and his outfit and his speeder and convince everybody. It's fucking unlikely. Yeah. It's fucking dangerous. Plus, 10 minutes on that speeder, and they're going to know it's not Rex. And we need Oh, because you're going to do

So much better than he would, yeah That's the idea Peter is kind of your thing Or does any kind of Stath the vehicle If it moves, I can Race it Pike kind of fast

Peter That's sucking my head This is the lyric The bass lyric thoughts It just says Humbabababab. And then it goes, we can hose get jobs.

Do you know that you'd be able to race any vehicle that you were to step in or step foot on, but you have a special intrinsic connection to the sparrow and there's nothing quite like piloting that. Sure, sure. I would convey that to them that, you know, obviously I was trained, like you said, you know, by Leo to do all sorts of different racing,

but he taught me to fly. And the sparrow is where it's at, for sure. And look, there's no way that the sparrow is going to get into this race. You understand? And there's no fucking way that we need to add another enemy to our long fucking list of enemies. And if we piss off Leo, yeah, I don't care what kind of fucking background and history you all have. But, I mean, what's going to stop us from, or stop him from fucking sending, you know,

Hitman after us. Let's just watch the fucking race and just deal with Rex after the fact. Rhett is right. And again, I'm not racing. You guys did good.

If he's doubled over and he can't even walk, it's going to be the easiest bounty we've ever walked away with in our entire lives. That's the goal. So let's just enjoy the race. We have box tickets. You know what that means? Free food and drink.

Come on. Let's enjoy. Enjoy it. The boo. If they have space pigs in a space blanket? Oh, I'm sure they do. I know they do, Red. Oh.

This is gonna be fun. I'm gonna enjoy myself. Let's fucking enjoy ourselves after what we've fucking been through the last few days. Guys, I don't want to bring the mood down through there. I think I had a really hot wife and an awesome life and I lost all of it and got turned into this horrible abomination. Anyway, I said it. I said it. We don't have to talk about it.

I didn't have to get it out there. Oh, wea. Right as I was saying, no bummers, Chuck. I knew. I would have been dwelling on it all day. I need to process it in my own way. I need a real strong root beer.

How do you know that? You had a wife? I think so. But why do you think so? Kind of my brain or whatever it is. I've been trying to think about my memories. We don't have to talk about it. I don't want to bring it down.

This is Pike's big day, but I feel like they don't say something. I'm going to be dwelling on it all day and all night. Hey, time out. Let's get one thing straight. This isn't my day. It's not anybody's day. You've been back in so long. It doesn't matter.

The point is we're here to enjoy the race. Okay, it'd be a different thing if we had to race, and I had to win, but I don't. So let's just relax. Yeah. All right? Yeah. Tell us about your dream. Well, I was in a really happy place.

I was on a beautiful farm of Lama corn. And I was there, and I was just normal. I had like regular, regular old human hands with five fingers. And I, like, had normal, just regular guy flesh. And I looked over and I was laughing and I was happy with just a beautiful, woman who was kind of from a third point of view looked a little bit like jolly

I was like damn how did I bag that? I don't know who I used to be but I fucked it up clearly are you saying you were some sort of rancher maybe that's the inference that I can make and maybe that's

why I love llamicorns and that's why I felt so strongly and that's why Jackson and I really connected before tea turned into goo. Look, don't read too much into dreams, all right? If dreams were true, I wouldn't have any teeth and I would have been killed by a tidal wave 8,000 times over. Yeah, it's right.

I mean, it's one of those like idealistic dreams where I'm like, me, chuckle would be happy and also a person. I mean, I feel like I was one of the Motleyans who just spawned out of the Honkweef. I don't know. Anyway. Do you think you can maybe, you know, have fun today?

Yeah. That's what Dandy and Conveer would want us to do, right? People want us to have fun. Look, and with any luck, we're going to have a pretty big laugh at old Rex's expense when things go south. Yeah. I hope it's all harmless fun. He doesn't like crash and die.

It's so bad about it. Oh, the race is very dangerous that way? Good question. You have seen it is relatively similar to the, it's not like a bloody death race. Sure. But it is extremely high octane space. Crashes happen. Racing crashes happen.

So, but specifically this race is not ships. It's speeders as well. It's a different style of race. No, it's both. Okay. Whatever you're preferred, as long as it's within regulation, got it. Whatever your preferred entry ship is.

It's like the monster race from Scooby-Doo. Gotcha. I mean, accidents happen, but death is pretty rare. I think you've got to be fine. And we'll have fun. We'll have a good time. Do you think that they have space room cocktail?

I'm sure they do. I'm going to pull all four tickets out of my jacket. jacket pocket and say, come on, yeah. First grounds on me. After all this talk of shellfish, I really could use one of those. Or 10. All right, you lead the way.

And I will do that. I will walk to where I know the entrance to the pathway to be, present our box tickets, and hopefully enjoy lots of free food and booze. As I am following Pike and the rest of the gang, I'm thinking about what Chuckles said about his dream, not so much in the sense that I am thinking about what he's going through, but I am trying to put the puzzle pieces together and saying nothing about my own dream experience

and the trauma I've experienced the last day or two. And then I catch up and we get let into a place, I assume. It is race time, folks. Racers make your way to the starting line. Everyone who is here to enjoy the show, come on down, fill the seats, butts in seats. It is the Grand Prix, the greatest show on earth. You do not want to miss out. Longtime champion Rex Maxim is racing against a crew of desirables.

Everyone fighting for the crown. And you make your way from the Rhapsody through the garage up to the upper level where the pathway is and the massive stands. And you go around and you enter with a large crowd and they go in and they start to filter into section A, section B, section C. And you keep going to the more elite section as you go up the boxes. right and you move and you see there are people there taking tickets getting everyone to where they're meant to be helping you find your seats right and eventually you come across someone who you get to the section for the boxes you come across a person person who is there a similar forearmed creature like schlop glido but not

schlop glido but he's gonna sound exactly like him is there forearms ready to take tickets. And your tickets, please, and I'd be happy to direct you to your seats. I reveal all four electronic tickets passes as I, uh, with one swift motion. He grabs the tickets. Rent, you can enter. All right. Juckles, you can enter.

Thank you. You my good man. And LaBouche. You can enter. Uh, not you. Excuse me? Yeah, you don't belong here. I got those tickets from the captain himself.

No, that's not what this says. You don't belong here. What if they? It's in this moment you hear a panting shout as you see Doc running up from far away. When do you mean, what am I doing up here? The captain gave us four box tickets. I'm trying to enjoy the race. Well, I don't understand.

Didn't you talk to him? I'm doing the boss. Hang on. That's close enough. Oh, I'm so old. Didn't you talk to him? I did talk to him and he told me once the race was done that we had to get out of here. I don't understand.

You talked to him since last night? No, I talked to him at the workshop. He told me to get lost and I did. Look, look right down there on the race line. The captain himself came down to the garage. He didn't say a word to me, just stretched out his hand. But I knew what he wanted. I handed him a wrench.

And he got to work on the sparrow himself. Look over there. What? I look. You look down at the race line with all the ships and cars laid out on the starting line of the track. You see Rex's speeder and him. dressed in the medium gray with a dark black helmet on, all visibility cut off.

It's for our safety eyes. You see the sparrow at the starting line in pristine condition. You see which looks hand-painted the number three on top of it. I will, as you guys have gone into the box, I will look over this ticket attendant, I will say, well boys, I guess I'll see you after the race.

We'll see you in the winner's circle. Oh, damn it! I should have fucking installed it when I had the chance. What? The fucking Ethercore. All that worked for nothing. All right, you know what, Pock, you don't need it. Look, I appreciate everything you've done. I'm sure you put her in top working condition, made the upgrades that she needed to, and

well, if the captain took a look at her, well, let's just say after this I'll bet you want to compare notes. I mean, it does look like a fine piece of work, and I think it'll probably run better than it ever has. And you can tell even from this distance, right, with your zoom in eye, and your general ability to just scan and understand engineering. You don't just get a sense that this has been repaired beyond even its heightened form before, but you feel a great deal of care went into this. Well, as an old wise man once said, if you ever run in any trouble out there, use the boost to get through.

If that doesn't work, try a somersault. And if all else fails, do a barrel rule. I embrace, I embrace red deeply. I take a long drag on the cigarette and I say, All right. I'll see you guys after the race. And I turn and I take off. And you take off.

Good luck, Pike. You got this. You head back down the way you came running. You make your way. to a place you know all too well, the locker room for the racers. You dive in and already hanging in one of the lockers is your old race uniform. I immediately take off my jacket and I begin to change into my race uniform. One more cigarette for the road and I'm ready to go. I've got the racing gloves. I'm ready. And I misspoke earlier.

as you don your racing uniform painted on the back is the number three what's been painted on the top of the sparrow is the number seven oh man that would bring like a slight tear to my eye with me, me, me, me you would understand that to mean that he has anointed you as his champion's pick and you're racing under his number

seven was previously his was not previously Leo's number oh that's um yeah so then I don my number three and I rush out to the hangar where the sparrow would await and hopefully also come. You have not seen the captain, the O'Conn. You don your racing uniform. You head out actually just onto the starting line as you walk out and you stand next to the sparrow. Directly to your right is Rex Maxim Speeder and him standing right there,

dressed in medium gray, black helmet on. There's a palpable stench in the air. It smells a bit like a smell not old too dissimilar than the smell that hung in the air in your previous adventure in the home. Some sort of mix of sulfur and rotten eggs. And it is... He's sick. Look, his complexion looks like old chewed bubblecough. That's amazing.

Look, the homeless people we gave his tickets to are entering his booth. So, the dirty vagabond who are drunk. And stumble into Rex's beard. Teeth missing. Skin pale. You can't actually see Rex's compulsion, but you know that what you've said is 100% true. that if you could see his complexion, it would look like chewed bubbles.

Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I walk up to the sparrow, and I put a hand on her, and I see the seven. And, like, I kind of just, like, touch the seven. And then I would put one foot on the ladder, and with a hop-skip and one leg over, jump into the cockpit. And the racer's spirit ignites within you as you look out at the stands that surround you. You hear the cheering of the fans and something that lay long dormant awakens again. The incline hill that people would normally climb up to walk to get some of the best of you. You can see just at its tip stands a large imposing figure.

And with room right around them, a crowd has gathered, but clear space for respect around the person that stands at the head to watch the race. As you get into the Sparrow. We have an exciting announcement, folks. We haven't seen this matchup in decades. Rex Maxim on his speeder has taken to the starting line. And by his side, Pike. In the Sparrow!

And cheers are rough from the back. I didn't think I... Cheers, the crowd goes wild, a clash of Titans that many in the stands have never lived to see, but no one is cheering louder than the older generation who has caught it once before. As the two of you take the prime positions. I see you sent your clowns to disrupt the race.

I have to like stifle a smile before I respond with the communications. say, I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Rex. Why don't you take that mask off and show the crowd who you really are? Yeah, I bet you don't know when I'm...

You all right over there, buddy? You better focus on the race. You just run a clean race, okay? Boob, shy. You're like in your cups in the shit. You're just in a cocktail. You swirled a cocktail.

You swirled a cocktail. saws back and forth. Ah, Labouche. I believe our friend, Rex, is not feeling his best. Oh, cheers. That's very funny. Oh, the shellfish. I pull a mint julep out and I just clean.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Oh. Well, I guess it's time to show you I'm number one around here now. Please, Rex. You haven't been number one since before I left. A lot's changed, Pike.

And as the race begins to kick off, the ships all rise into the air as the twin metal beams explode in each direction and this rainbow pathway creates and connects as this looping chaotic movement extends all around creating this. unbelievable racetrack the prismatic pathway reveals itself the starting light sits above you standing it red you can see now elevated in the air the figure on the top of the hill the captain Leo Khan looks on I press the communications button I say win or lose Rex this is your last day of freedom so you better enjoy it You couldn't catch me before, and you won't catch me after this. Remember, just when you start to buck left and jump off the side of the race course

so that you can fall onto the farther part along in the race course. It's a shortcut. Oh yeah, right after the third turn. But don't miss. Otherwise, you will lose if you miss. There's a weird, turtily-looking guy on a cloud with the fucking fish and rob that'll scoop you up, but you'll lose at least 15 seconds. Fike.

I miss my wife, Fike. I take my earpiece out and I set it down as soon as I hear of juggles. You put it on the dash. Dude. I missed my wet click. Pike.

Keep the head straight. Keep the head straight. This is my day. Okay. It is a beautiful night. The moon. It's not a It's approaching night.

It's like midday and the night. It's a beautiful night more or less. The moon hangs full in the sky above you, a beaming spotlight on your first race in decades. And as you sit there, engines revving everyone on the line, you see, I almost said a Slytherin. What's the snake? What's the snake people?

You want a Slytherin. You want to, you see a Slytherin. Slytherin is the crazier. A Slytherine. You see a Slytherin in a snake-styled racer that swirls around the track. You see a metallic horse of sorts. It doesn't look like it even has a racer.

A prismatic horn erupts from its head. Damn. You see all manner of racers extend out across the starting line as the race gets ready to go. Red light. Yellow light. as it hits green and everyone erupts off the starting line. Clearly, the difference is made note.

The difference is noted immediately. You and Rex erupt off the line, leaving everyone else markedly behind you. And I need you to roll a D6. Oh, sweet Jesus. He perfectly tied the A button. Got to give it up. I'm doing a good start.

Whoa. It's easy to miss. There's a very small window. It is. And if you hit it too late, you skit out. Five. Five. Oh, no, it's been sabotaged.

It was suburb. I knew that guy was a jackab. Bye, watch out. You are blasting nevertheless. Then I die. I continue. You were blasting neck in neck across the prismatic pathway. Yes.

The familiar curbs. as you, the two of you weave, neck and neck to and fro as you blast over the, over the technicolored highway. As you're going, you can see, you look over for just a moment, your, your wrecks just on your side. You can see him a little strangely. He's riding the spear, but he has to kind of like step up one, shift in a little. It feels like he's not quite comfortable. He's standing up a little in the stirrups as he's going. And it's with that he slows just a little and you pull cleanly ahead and I need you roll another D6

Whoa one one not good though You are racing you've pulled clear ahead of him and it's at this point that two things spawn in front of the two of you a green light appears in your pathway and a red light appears in his as you as you crash through them, your guns are active. And you can fire in front of you or behind you. But his guns have activated as well. And roll a dexterity saving throw. Ah yeah, this guy's a chum. Pee-P-Phew. If I can fire on him, if that's like totally legal and good to go, I'm gonna fucking light his ass up. That's gonna be a 22 dexterity saving throw. A 22 with a 22 with a

I do a barrel roll. With a 22, you see a red beam fire out from his speeder that arcs towards you, but you see it coming. You enact ace maneuvers and you roll on the field and you stay just ahead of him. And I need you roll another D6. Now this is Pike Racing. That's very funny. Another fucking one. Another one.

You have dodged his attack, but the roll has slowed you. just a little bit. Naturally. As he pulls back neck and neck. You spin over a curve. You're pooling around the edge now as you race up no longer flat on the ground. The two of you horizontal against the track

as it turns completely sideways, bringing you around the bed back to neck and neck. I need you roll at these six. What's these? Ha! A two. Oh! Saw off so strong.

Is in this moment. that he, you hear the engines of the speeder rev just a little bit, and he's able to pull ahead of you slightly as you fall just behind. Yeah. You have a, uh, you have a, your guns have been active. Yeah, yeah. Uh, and should you choose to do so, you can make, uh, you can attempt to make an attack against his speeder. You would have to angle slightly to try and shoot him.

God, I feel like I wouldn't fire on the guy. It just feels like it's fucking Well, I think is it part of this race? Is that a part of the race? Oh, then I'm a load on his ass here. He's an idiot, I'm gonna like blasts on this guy. It's like, it's like, stunning shots and things like that. Um, I'm shooting to kill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's all phases are just a stunt. Do I need to make like an attack roll or anything? You make your attack roll. Okay, yeah. Like, based on my like plus eight or whatever it is. Yeah, you know that. Can I trust these? I don't need to. It's a 25. 25 lands your hit. As he moves ahead of you, very briefly and deftly, you swerve.

The cannons at the front of the sparrow fire out a green blast as it collides with the side of his speeder. Though you arc just a bit to make that shot, it allows you to zoom right past him as you pull ahead. Come on, come on. And I need you to roll the V6. Come on, you fucks. Please. Guys! A two! No! It's not looking good.

He needs incargement. I should have broke out my loaded D-6s. I'll try calling him. He didn't respond to me. I think he turned off a communication. You get it out of thunders too loud. This is Pike. When you hear the thing, you know what to do.

It's exactly what you hear. It's crazy. It's crazy. You are tearing up the space track. Everyone else in the race is almost a full lap behind you. It's clear why the two of you duel for the top spots. Rex just slightly ahead of you now. Moving just a little bit further.

Top speed just a bit higher than yours. I need you roll another decent. I didn't want to look at it. I got three. Moving up. Moving up. It's about average. As you straight out on a straightaway, on the pathway, what spawns right ahead of you is a white light.

Oh. And as you run into it, the sparrow erupts from the space and boosts beyond him by a head. Oh. And I use your roll one more decent. Come on, motherfucker. He did it. And use the boost.

Yeah, use the booth. Come on. What was the other advice you gave him? A Somersault. Try a Somersault. That's going to really send me by. A 1. A 1.

Yeah. No, not now. Not now. I just do this. You think you're playing SSX tricky. That's right. You're in the middle of the race for no good reason at all.

You just pull a move. I do kickflip. You do kick flip to gain additional points. And that maneuver has brought you back head to head. Dead ahead of. of you you see the finish line the two of you moving head to head this is just like Giuseppe Buggy 64 Giuseppe Buggy 60 that one I don't know I got it's like I get it I got it

the homeless people in Rex is oh oh I get it yeah ah ah ah oh oh oh yeah Messrs. What are you doing? That's that very much. So that's just a loan shows up. The two of you are erupting forward on the track. This is the first time you have been on the prismatic pathway in decades. The spirit within you, long dormant, the spirit of the racer, has awoken once more.

and not desiring but knowing that you can beat Rex you throttle the sparrow forward and as you do something ignites and the sparrow erupts in burning flame starting to tear up the track as you move clearly ahead of him the finish line

he's got some truck up his sleeve the finish line in full sight But he's sick. It is clear that you were about to take the lead and win. It's at this point, roll a perception check at disadvantage. Yeah, sure. This is where I'm a Viking. Watch me get two absurdly high rolls here.

Nope. Got a nine. Twist it. I can just re-roll the low or just take whatever the lowest is after I re-roll? No, no, no, no. Just see you get a full re-roll. That would be a... 17. With a 17. Oh, you just take if that's higher, you take that. With a 17, you start to notice

the cheering of the crowd has changed. Those that are on the inclined precipice watching the race, and you can see just out of the corner of your eye, it looks no longer that they're fixed on you. They're looking up. That's not good. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. Yeah, disadvantage. Disadvanced. Come on, come on, here we go. Spike big numbers.

I look up at the moon in the sky. My lows of 14, which a deck saving throw is like 22. Yeah, yeah, 22. 22. That's no moon. Yeah. The flaming magenta light of the sparrow deftly pulls horizontally.

as you see something crashing down in front of you. Something dark strikes the prismatic pathway so hard that it splits the race track. It shatters the rainbow bridge before the finish line. You look, you careen as you attempt to regain control of the Sparrow. You straighten out, you've flown off the track at this point. You're flying freely in space and you're looking to get back. And what you see now looks like, looks like black rain falling from the sky and as you look up what you thought was a full

moon hanging in the sky above you is not that at all roll it looks very familiar it makes no sense that it would be here it's not even in the same sector of space but aurora hangs in the sky above you the ice planet where you almost captured wrecks it's a and super weapon. Smash-cutted dinosaurs with like weird helmets like this and they're doing this. What starts crashing all around the prismatic pathway are horrible black oozing creatures

that land all over. You would see this in the stand. Some of them might even be landing close to you as they crash into the ground. Some of them land on people. land on people. There's confusion at first, like the first three shots that go out. Nobody moves until the first person screams. A horrible, jagged, toothed monster with tentacles reaches out to the closest viewer, grabs them, pulls them in tightly and consumes them deeply. Everyone shrieks,

panic ensues, and everyone starts running. you see the captain Leo Kahn bolt down the pathway you see him charge along the now decline to get back down the hill creatures are crashing all around everyone that lands he dives in with a deaf

strike he attempts to rend it but they survive his claws and they see him as the slashing cut in, they seem to reform. As all this is happening, for a moment, you're back on the beach. You see the white web

extend out in front of you. And the surface starts to bubble and rage. And you snap back. What are you all doing? I, in my head, am picturing that the booth that we're in

is probably at the top of the, like, rim of the stadium looking down at the tracks so that there's something of a distance before they're actually, like, stadium seatings going all the way down to the actual track track. I'm trying to get a sense of if Labusch could push through the window how far he would need to drop in order to start to race towards the finish line or towards the place to intercept with Pike or the Sparrow to try and get to him as quickly as possible. how far would you have to drop, like, from where you are to the ground?

I'm just trying to think through the steps. Like, what is the journey? Is it even worth considering? He's out in space, does I mean? Oh, yeah. He's flying around in space. I don't know. Yeah, well, so you would be able, if your goal was to get down onto the ground,

you would be able to probably run down the steps as quickly as possible to get to the ground level. But the track is elevated to the same, effectively, the eye level of the box. So, yeah, I just wanted to make sure that we were on. the same page in terms of the dimensionality here. So it does not look like it would be easy for me, not easy, but even like hard. It is impossible for me to get from here to where the sparrow will end up. It would feel very much impossible for you to get to the sparrow. I would immediately make a call out to Rhett and, you know, from the sparrow and basically be like, Wreck! Ret, come in! Can you hear me, Rhett? Yeah! We got to get out of here. You

You guys have to get to the Rhapsody as quickly as possible. I don't know what's going on down there, but we have a serious problem. I don't know what the fuck that is. Is that a fucking planet? Is that a B planet? We gotta go right now. And I'll just start like knocking past people. And maybe LaBusch will be...

I mean, it would be very easy for me to just like ram through. Yeah, look, get out of here. I'm crick half easily for you. Listen to me. Listen to me. I'm just swiping people. No matter what happens, he is not our priority anymore. Get off this place as,

quickly as you can. Yeah. Is that the thing that I say from the ice? Is that what's happening? And does it look similar? Hank, buddy. Fire up the engine. We gotta fucking go. And we'll all start running to the Rhapsody. You all start running to the Rhapsody.

As you make your way through the stadium, you see these black creatures, almost like oozing piranhas as they swim through the air. in front of you. You see them reach out, oozing tentacles erupt from their bodies as they envelop onlookers and they consume them bit by bit,

a furious hunger seemingly impossible to satiate. If they were dropping onto the pathway and there was like no one like in the immediate vicinity, I would try to make some strafe runs to see if I could like like like them, up and do any kind of damage that I could, provided there's like no innocent people around. If they're like already climbing into the stands and like consuming people, I wouldn't, I would not fire on them.

I would say that you, they're climbing, they're in all manner of stages. They're climbing into stands. They're consuming people. But if you would like to try, you can fly through the ones that are still falling, descending. Yeah, I would absolutely. And you could start peppering the skies. I would do what I could with the sparrow to try to lay down as much cover fires. I can from the ones that are ringing down onto the tracks.

And if the idea that everyone here is afraid of their self-defences does not fighting, are there like bouncers or like turrets or something that is just is also fighting them, like enforcers that like we would have been avoiding? I presumably, we wouldn't be fighting because there's some like a crack team of special forces to show up, right? You do see a crack team of those forearm, creatures running around with all manner of cannons, kind of like bigger versions of Rex shotgun. They're running around, pumping, firing blasts into these creatures.

And you see, they're having moderate success. Oh. But this is an unending tide. These creatures are tearing through the pathway, and the bouncers are doing everything they can to simply slow them down. You'll see as you start. to pepper the skies and provide the time that you can to your friends, you'll see Rex's speeder leap off the track towards the captain's hangar bay. The captain, as he runs down the decline,

is starting to turn around the edge. He's clearly trying to make it back to his home. It's at that moment you'll see a large force descend directly down upon him, right as he makes it to the door. Oh, no. And then you'll lose sight of him in the black mass. You all are just making it back to the Rhapsody and your individual ships. You can get in them. You could get in them, move them back onto the Rhapsody. If I feel like we could get our ships back on the Rhapsody in a matter of minutes, I would probably do that.

Yeah. I can get my ship onto the Rhapsody on me. I could fly it, but I'm basically just stomping into a super suit and walking into the hangar bag. And the clown card did not take that much damage. It was damage, but not like destroyed. So I could basically have my extendo arm kind of help drag and whatever if there are any kind of not fully repaired ships.

And I feel like telling Hank, that he might have already gotten started. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can make a call into Hank and say, hey, like, shit's going down. The crane arm grabs them and puts them in the hangar. Do what you can to get him back. And as you're running,

a mass of these hideous monsters are chasing you. And as you break in to the garageway, Hank has Retz vehicle, the hammerhead.

pointed directly at the mouth of the door and says, and you take it to understand, get down. Get down! We'll all dive for the ground as Hank unleashes a barrage from the hammerhead at the mouth of the door, exploding these black masses onto the ground.

It looks effective at first. They're blasted. shattering droplets all over the ground. And it slows them down. But they begin to bubble and tremble and slowly move back towards each other. Red, what's your status? We're almost out.

I'm doing what I can. It looks like Khan's homes completely enveloped by the ooze. I don't know what we can do for these people. I'll see you in one second. And I'm going to rush up to the cockpit. And as soon as the ships are on

and Laboos and Chuckles are on, I will basically fly out of the hangar and just sort of get a sense of like what the fuck is happening. You fly, everyone's ships get on. You're already in space. You're continuing to pepper these droplets as long as you can to hold back the tide. You take into the Rhapsody and you spin around

to look at what's, happening. You see the horror unfold in front of you. Aurora, no business being here. Black vane cracks run the length of the planet as these droplets clearly emanating from it. Whatever this is, hungers, and it falls. As this is happening, I am thinking of the dream that I've been happening having and I'm thinking about the experience that I had on Aurora and I'm wondering does LeBouche put any of those pieces together does the nature of these shadowy creatures feel connected to the thing the weaver suppressed at all do I feel like I can be unlocking some sort of a power or a communication or

anything at all would be passing through a LeBouche's mind as it holds on to the interior of the hangar bay and Rhett pilots us away and I watches the raceway and everything starts to shrink away from me you as you look upon this you feel deeply a resonance could almost be described as a kinship you see the white webbing in your mind stretch out in front of you like a locked door and something knocks and you feel that in every piece of your body. Can I hunger in the door? Is there a peep hole on the door?

Oh, you can try. I think that seeing this and hearing everything that's going on on, I would only try if I felt like it could help. Like if it was going to give me some ability to convey, information like unlocking knowledge or if it was going to give me some way to defend better against this serious threat that is assaulting down that's coming down on this area you put your hands on top of the web that covers what could only be described as an ocean in front of you you try to lift at its edge you can almost feel the same sensation

of the hunger of what lives within you. You grapple with it, but before you can make the decision to pull on the thread, Pike, you hear over your comms, a call comes in. At first, you just hear shotgun blasts and revolver fire

as laser blasts fire out. Mike, you have to get out of here. We don't know what's happening. Something terrible. coming down. I'm not just gonna leave if there's anything I can do to help. I'm not gonna leave again. I don't know what we can do, but I know one thing.

I think I got one race left in me. And you hear a very familiar call. You hear the roar of the Atlas, word to life. It sounds like the mighty cry of a lion. The garage of the captain explodes in a brilliant blast of light. The Atlas takes off into the sky. It's a yellow sheen, undriven in years, but in pristine condition. The number seven sits on its side.

Watching him fly is like watching a leaf dance through the rain, untouched by water, as he takes off, and flies directly at Aurora. And that is we're on the second. Mays. Oh, it's going to be like the planet Venom from Star Fox 64 and is going to have to do all the things. There's going to be a giant brain in there and say,

only I have the brains to rule the Stardust Rhapsody. Unbelievable. Mays, thanks for run the session, everyone. I have the other cities. Thanks for Westwood for King, everybody. and I have brought it to you. Thank you for listening to the Legends of Aventris podcast.

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