Legends of Avantris - Stardust Rhapsody: Overture | Ep. 6 | Thriller

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

The crew of the Rhapsody compete in the Festival of Blooood in hopes of becoming royalty. All to rescue their ship and escape the dark planet that drew them in...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/bbUTfHJ5naY?si=VSAuk9NIqktPN3iU

Oh, welcome to Legends of Vantris. My name is Chuckle the Clown, and you are listening to Star Dust Rhapsody. Here's what happened last time. Labouche. Oh, LaBouche, we're covered in Labouche. Oh, Labusch, you're back. You're welcome. Laboosh turned into the void, and then whatever was in that got out, or maybe it's Laboosh. While I was reassembling, I saw the same lights. This pyramid has been standing here for possibly thousands of years. It's not going to come down. And it says you say that if it gets to come down. Yeah. You're able to crest just out of the opening of this temple with your latest mark in tow that you're sitting on potentially a large payday.

Hey, are you paying attention? Got a planet right in the way. And you see a completely devoid black circle. A crew to the bridge, please. Oh no. This is the work of the spooky boys. Boyce. Boogie boys.

Talking about chuckles. Chuckles, you've mentioned these discordant before, but half of what you say rarely makes any sense anyway. Probably a good time to start talking their accent. He may be awake, and I never checked his prison wallet. As the ship kind of levels out and comes to almost like a bouncing stop. I have no idea what the fuck this is. We pierce some kind of veil, and all of a sudden there was the planet.

Earth stretches out in all directions. Why did it have to be spooky boys? Welcome to Nightingvale. Tell your skelly boys that we're here to parlay. There are visitors. Thank you. We were pulled here. By someone or something. By someone or something. And this was not supposed to be in the flight plat. This is not supposed to be in the flight pad. The three primary family compete. We'll have to see who will be king for the next year. Something happened to your ship and it brought you down here.

And well, then I think that you should compete and become the king. Pumpkin carving contests and telling ghost stories. We're in the family of Hank and Hank is going to be the next

spooky king. We're going to announce you as the house of Hank. Festival of Blood All in red Four O's. Festival of Lood. It's pronounced

Blood. And with the House of Hank now present, we will begin the Festival of Blood. Space. You can find anything

if you know where to look. And just as often if you don't, having stirred at the base of an ancient temple, our heroes narrowly made it out alive. Well, most of them at least. Attempting to make their way to their rendezvous point with the boss to turn in their mark, they inadvertently got caught in a tangled web of nightmares. Discovering the discordant, the party makes their way to a nearby town, stalked by an unseen force.

Have the hunters become the hunted? conveniently they've arrived the night before the festival of blood poising them to become the newest monarchs of the land granting them the resources to fix their ship the house of Hank is entered into the festivities will they be crowned or will they be trapped in night and veil for all eternity you find yourselves once again

at the center of the promenade you by the entryway canopies of blood red cloth stretch out in a celebratory fashion you see food offerings of all sorts some equivalent of autumnal fare some worms

and just generally gross bugs and around you wrapped around you. It wasn't right down. It wasn't. Around you, you'll see the other three prime

houses. On your left, the house of Stein, led by Amelia Stein. A beautiful patchwork woman ready to take on the day's challenges. Across from you,

you see the House of Emric, led by Lorian Emric. An old, well, not old for vampires, but an older gentleman of sorts, if you could call him such, also ready to take on the challenges at hand. Played by Jason Isaacs, right?

Oscar Isaac. Right, right. He's already got confused again. Oscar Isaac, yeah, yeah. Easy mistake to make. Played by Oscar Isaacs clearly fashioned after the likeness of Jason Isaacs. Dude played it.

And just to your right, the final house, the house of Jasper. They seem to be ready to take on nothing at all. As you hear, Grimm, the gargoyle, shout out the start of the festivities. Wow, everybody, now that the house of Hank is here, we can get ready to have fun for the Festival of Blood. Has begun. Who wants to go first? Isn't that like your yearly fucking thing?

Did it any more structure than this? Gina's bug! This is such a nightmare. What is the first activity? Well, since you've spoken first, first, What? What? Rassling? Pumpkin carving?

Telling ghost stories? Or drinking goblets of blood? I mean, why? Anything but the stories. How about you wrestle? Good idea. The boots get in there, try to break a couple of bones. I feel like I could be good at the pumpkin carving.

I'll wrestle. I'll wrestle. You're good in a lot of things, Laboosh. Don't hide that in a bushel of goo. I'll walk over to what is clearly the wrestling arena. Yep. Everything for, everything takes place directly in the center of the promenade.

As the first activity is called out, as the announcement goes out, two ghouls walk up, shamble up. Oh, sucks. I'll say that. They're upset to work. But they lift out the sign-in table and move it out of the way. And in its place, a quaint small, a mat with a cloth covering, they place towards the center of the arena, or in the center of the promenade, and to create a square for a wrestling match.

and in it you see someone step forward from the House of Stein. However, it's not Amelia Stein. It is one of her hands. Tough break, buddy. It's one of her hands, though. I can't believe her name is

in Francine. This is horseshit. Oh, yeah. Frantzine. Break every boat in their hand, Booge. My place. a job.

Yeah. So. That's funny. You'll never beat me in the arena. And you see the gentleman that signed you up for the... Oh. You see the gentleman that signed you up for the house of Hank into the festival of blood to begin with.

What house are you from? I'm from the house of that stuff. Sorry. I'm from the house of Stein. I just walked right over from their side. Do you wrestle often? We do this once a year. Okay.

For the moosh, it was a Tuesday. Yeah, good to the time. I'm going to stay. I'll step into the arena, and I'll start to start. to stretch, I'll limber up. And he, he does the same.

You can see him. You move just across from, just across the arena from him. And you start, you start to limber up, your form, you can see like gelatinous enveloping moving out. Like he's my massive reach to go like 15 feet in both directions

and like up and like I touch my feet. It's an impressive display of strength and flexibility. It's not going to it. He, for not striking an imposing figure, he doesn't take his eyes off you as you start stretching. Seems to be sizing you up to understand what he's potentially up against. And he starts to stretch in a similar way. It pulls his arm across as it pops out of his socket.

Stupid. It just shows you back in to place really quick. It gives it a quick move. You'll never beat the House of Stein. Unlikely. Can I ask a clarifying question? Is this like traditional, like, Greco-Roman-style wrestling, or is this like WW-A-W-time wrestling?

Oh, that's a cool question. Oh, the book for the chair. Yeah, I look around for a steel chair. I can tell you which kind of wrestling. They're now roops. They're now roaps that seal you in that are incredibly bouncy should you choose to use them.

Oh. One say, one say, yeah. Listen to here, brother. All the moosh is coming through. The cream of the crumb. And I'm gonna clean you. And I'm gonna make this arena look shinier than you've got to see.

Because I'm the janeer-darder. and I'm ready to take out the trash. When you find out what Laboosh is cooking. Oh, well. We have fun. That sounds pretty tough. He starts to shamble towards you, and I would have you roll an athletics contest.

Oh, that would be my pleasure. One moment. Athletics, you say. Lazy. And just out of curiosity, am I attempting to initiate or escape a grapple? Ooh. That's a loaded question about the level of this.

Yes. Because I'm amorphous and I got advantage on them. Okay, then yes, you are advantaged in your wrestle off. Oh no. It's a donkey. Let's give me a 21 on that. Oh, okay. Okay.

Well, I have rolled a natural 20. So you also get a 21. he will shamble for it and lock you into grapple and you'll meet hands together as you kind of struggle back and forth and for him being patchwork and just an assembly of

you didn't think this guy is going to be anything to write home about but he's far stronger than he appears to be and catches you off guard initially, flipping you to the map. Oh! LaBoge, don't get hit by the monster match. It was a Graveyard Smash!

Oh, no, that's the movie's using now. Look out! You're losing to a government employee! As you just go on the timer with the monster smash. And drops the people's elbow into you. And athletics contest, Okay. Oh, yeah. A natural 20.

Well, that was a 5. With a 28, this time, I've landed on my back and I look up and I know how strong he is. But I also know how weak his right arm is. And I look for that one-inch hole where I can just sloop in and just pop the shoulder out like that. Holy shit. When I feel it unlock and double and double

joint out in the way that it does, I will then twist around and slam him to the ground and flipping over him. Ha, ha, now who has the edge? And there is such a space in his arm, because if you have not gathered by this point, none of these people like to work or to finish their tasks. And so in the stitching is attempting to reattach it, there's a large open space left unfinished, which you're easily able to juice into, find the connect. of bone into slot and then just pop out his arm.

I spash cock that chicken. Oh, oh. Oh, thanks. You don't do the rest of what you describe. His arms separates. You hook from under him and an arcing slam pin him right back to the mat as you take the next point. Athletics contest.

Is this a 3.9-0. 13. 21. Get him! Oh, hell yeah. You're getting up. Only when I wrestle. Get him, soccer goo. The best wrestler in the world.

Now seeing that I have the top of his torso down against the mat like this, and I'm starting to pull his arm to make sure that he's secure. I let at the knees my legs fuse, and I grab around one of his thighs, and I start to pull one of his legs up into a twisted position.

I'm basically just like pulling him... Not in half, but his arm is being pulled in this way, and it's like starting to bend his back, then his other leg is starting to go in the other direction. I'm basically just like completely pinning him. The only thing I have left to do is choke him out. I turn to Ret while I watch this happen. I go, uh, you think anybody around here selling pretzels?

I go from chicken piccada, right? Let's hear it for. for Sakra goo! I'm trying to get the crowd up, and I'll use minor illusion to like boom my voice out. Sokra goo! And you'll see that my outfit is completely changed. I have a bold eagle, like, a mask on.

And I'm wearing like an American flag onesie. And he says, oh, we'll see if he needs a tab in his trusty sign-kig, Sokra, red, white, and blue! Nice. Roll a performance check. Oh, me? No, chocolate. Oh, okay.

No, he's soccer and your chicken cordon. Oh! I'm enjoying it. That's much better than what I said. Performance, you say? Oh, do you plus 11? Oh, shit, 18. His fucking lens.

As you begin to just completely fold this patchwork person in almost an half. And Juggles, you are becoming a little bit successful at riling this crowd up. You want them to be an uproarous applause. And what you get is very much what that maybe might feel like for them, but it's, oh, yeah, okay, I mean, he's doing pretty well.

God, you people of the word, why you cheer? He's, that's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Like a morgue in here. Meanwhile. Dandy's like the most excited. You guys have ever seen her.

Fist pumping. Sacri blue. Saccharit blue. He's like totally pumped up by chuckle. I'll put all, I kind of yank on my collar. I'll say, yikes, who die? I'll be like, blood.

Blood for the blood guns. Goal. Make them believe. Make him bleed. At the shot test. Okay. 25. I roll a natural one.

Okay. You break it at. At the point where I'm at, I just stop and I look around. How do I win? Do I just kill him? I ask you. You don't kill in the wrestling combat. You just, I don't know.

You just hurt them. Just do something cool. Listen to whatever dandy tells you to do. Uh... Blah! Just do your cool finishing move. My cool finishing move?

I don't know if I haven't finished your move. Sakra Goo! Remember what... What was the guy's name again? Remember what this Frankenstein did to your brother in your elaborate backstory. I will grab him at the waist, releasing him. He flaps against the back of the mat before I slide him forward

and then pick him up and full suplexed. But because my legs stretch super tall, I go up 15, 17, 18 feet with a steel chair I come from. Oh, the rafter! Yeah, it's on the cage completely suplexing in that direction. If he wants to split apart, that might have. I don't know, that's up to you.

It's like in 1998 when mankind threw a... You are up, your legs extending up, and you loop back down in a seismic slam as you just crash him into the mat and indent the surface. And he does, in fact, just separate at all limbs and body parts, like the clay minions and powering. Power Rangers. And I'll just immediately

slop it back into my full standing form and I'll look out away. Yeah! Yeah! We got through! With the ten! First contest goes to the house around. I did it. I won the wrestling match. You did great, my friend. Good job, you're winning.

There's at least four houses. You won one of the I assume we have to see who wins the other one, and then there'll be a semi-final and a final until there's finally one victor of this whole competition. Look, Pac, we don't have time for all. We only got about three to four hours. Suites you. And now, for the next match in the first of blood. stroke.

The pumpkin coffee? The stories? Is somebody going to put them back together? Or is like, that is that it? He's dumb. There's a hand that like is like

creeping up and picking up the other hand. As he's landed into the mat and he's all split off in the pieces, you'll see ghouls come out and just pick up the whole arena with him on it and just move it all out of the promenon.

Who would like to go next? Bates on the volunteer system, Pike would like to go back. I hate such a brain trooper. He'll do whatever task you give him. I got to be honest with you chapples. I hate all of this.

Pike, you seem like you'd be great in telling. Ghosts. Get in there, buddy. You're going to do great. And frankly, you're probably the most capable person on this entire planet. That's the first time you've been able to say that. Or at least of the people chugglers volunteers.

Yeah, that's also true. That's just a scary story? A ghost story, yeah. A ghost story. It particularly has to have ghosts in it. No, well, well, no. I have to be honest with you. rules of this game are not very clear. Were you lying to me before?

Was I lying to you before? Well, you just said you have to be honest with me. Where is everything you said before this just all lies, Pike? Yes. So how does this work? Are there judges or... Well, yeah, they're judges? It's me.

Mike, if you don't want to do this I'll tap in. Fucker, red, white, and blue will tap in. We gotta do it for Hank. We could also see if one Oh, no. I could never give up. Yeah, Chuckles, you tell the fucking story. Remember, remember that time that Hank

turned around the intramural women's volleyball team and raised enough money to keep him going? No. Oh, we'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'm doing this for you Well, there will be

Chuckles telling Ghost stories Against the House of Jasper And Oh fuck, this That sounds like borderline Performance enhancing The Sims

Well, at the Festival of Blood Every house gets to structure their own game. House of Jasper always picks ghost stories on account of them being ghosts.

What is our game? Yeah, do we get to pick a game? Well, no. And the reason for that is wrestling wasn't intended to be in initially. We just thought you'd like that one. So we added it after

the fact. All right, game was wrestling. That's great. Good luck telling a better ghost story than ghosts. Once upon a time there was me. Boom. Okay. There was a hook in the dog.

The hook and doorman carman hook is actually the story I would have told. I can't volunteer. What did you do it? You can still do it. No, jokes. Sorry, been rude.

Plus, he'll be much funnier than Pikewood. Every good ghost story is told around the campfire. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it. Bring out the campfire. And you see a series of ghouls walk into the center of the promenade. And they're all carrying, there's about 53 of them. And they're all carrying loudmouth, wide-rimmed William Bass displays.

fish displays, not the skeletonized versions, but the true standard versions, each one of them held by a ghoul, about 50 in tow, and several equivalent of Christmas trees with deadening pines as they start to throw them into the center of this pyre that they've built

and they all go up in flames. Wait a minute, was those from our ship? How many of these are you keeping around, Juckles? They throw a wrecks in. Oh, no. The bounty. Damn it. Well, hold on.

I didn't say dinner. Wait, I mean, we can't prove those are his ashes. Oh, my entire collection. No, he's got dental records, I'm sure. No, his teeth. Will there be some mores at the fire? Well, how do you make schmores? I don't know.

I said it like that. Never mind. Chamelewes. We don't have time for this. I don't think we have time for smorgers. Yeah, they don't have them enough of a mims to cold bone in their body. They're not going to be a fan s'm sorry to tell you.

If you'd like, we could put some maggots on moldy bread. Yes, very much, thank you. Are the ghosts gonna tell their story first, or is chuckles going first? Let's roll. I mean, flip a coin for it. Roll a T20. Tails.

Juckles will go first. Wait, why? Fine, he'll go second. Do I choose to go first? Oh, well, you didn't win. Fuck. I'll go, oh, okay, I'll go first. Fine, you can go second.

Man, got you the very accommodator. It's just too much work. arguing with people. The festival goes very smooth. You guys need to light the inner fire. We need like a full like jazzercise motivational montage with you guys. Get that fire back

or at least let this whole place on fire. Okay, I'm ready. Okay, well, so Clarence from the house of Jasper is going to come tell his ghost story first. And this ghost floats out off the line from the house of Jasper. Shut up, Jasper. Shut up, man. Quit doing that, I said.

Boo! You call out a ghost you could even harm to die. Hey, it's not your turn, man. Shut up. How rude, rude. I'm trying to tell a ghost story over here. He was cheering you all and said, Who?

Oh, did you, do you right? That's very funny. All right, well, any dirt is still in there. Yeah, I'm here. Everyone knows that the best ghost stories are just told by ghosts and they're just stories. So, just look at red.

Here we go. It wasn't a scary, scary story. It's going to be a fucking banger. Once upon a time, there was a guy named Klaner. And Clarence lived in a modest, but, you know, kind of fine house, medium success. It was passed down something his family held on to for quite some time. But then, the real villain of this story came, the taxman. And you know what he was.

He wanted. Oh yeah. What? What did he want? He wanted his cut. Oh, yeah. He came for a pound of flesh. But he didn't want flesh.

We would have given that freely. He wanted. What did he want? He's sharing money. No! For doing nothing. I knew he was going to be money. I knew he was going to say money.

For doing nothing. Nothing at all. And then, what was old Clarence to do? Clarence to do. They were coming for his own family home. Oh, no. They couldn't let that happen. Not the ranch.

I'm scared. All in another. It's like genuinely a messing. Their call is always, people's all this home. And he couldn't let that. So the second worst thing happened. Oh, no. Got a job.

Working. Work. 40 hours a week. Oh. He went from relaxing sitting around, doing whatever the hell he won't. How much of his entire income did he get to take home? That's the worst part of it all.

Oh no. Don't say it. After ghost care. Oh. And Nightingale taxing. And Nighttown Taxon. He's cut. And the governor is cut.

And the king. into my suit, like my limbs and my head all goes like that, my entire torso does fall to the ground. Just forfeit shots, you can't be that. And I defy you to reveal a scarier truth than that. Mottlian. I, I am visibly, I am like visibly shaped. I'll step up by the fire.

My turn? He's done telling his story on account if he said he was done. That means it's your turn now. Oh, what was it? Once there was a green goblin. I think I heard this one more. And he used to. to look around

and I guess he did a dance that's it. I am bone trounceled. I am bone trounceled. That's the final scene of eight mile. Oh, yeah. Oh man, that was terrible.

Who is this tax map? As a smuggler, I've never paid taxed. Why is this so scared? the hero we deserve. Well, rules for how to judge this one. I kind of normally only the ghosts show up to tell the ghost stories. Navy performance check.

I have plus 11 ghosts. Don't sound into this shit with game mechanics. Why don't you roll performance check and disadvantage? Oh, fuck. A triple disadvantage. It was a green balance. Show up to dance.

At truble up. That's it. I'm keeping it. It's a 12. That's a 12. And with a 17. Yikes. An attendance knows who won this round.

Hank, I failed you. I'm so far. The House of Jasper takes it. Oh, he got in my head. Sleep pot, you would have done so much better than that. I still don't get that ball. Right, that was quick. quite frankly, the scariest story I have ever heard in my entire whole.

That's fair. Well, I will admit, every time you say, and the hook was still in the door, oh, I get spooked. Nothing will ever be 65% tax rate. Except for maybe, 70%. Oh, my!

Everyone in the audience shows. It's the big one. Oh, get a baby out. They crown you the king of the story. Gosh, I need to pick up my preronezegote. I almost lost my appetite. I've got a full chicken play up. I'll just, like, hang my head dejectively as all, like, you hear up,

all my color drains out of me. And I just am now completely black and white. I'm not gray. I'm not even like the cool gangster black and white from the casino. I'm just gray. Mime color. And I'm like, like steamboat-willy color.

I can't even with La Janty tune. I lost my spooky storytelling ability. Oh, I knew I'd lose my color. I'll take a step and there's no squeam. Oh. Looking too good chuckles. What are you mean?

I'm like strook it out. You sure this planet's not doing anything yet? Hold on. No, the way that you test a cloud's health is by honking his nose and it burns. It's like the damn juby squidward nose. You have a little penis in. Yeah. Oh.

Oh. That's strange. What you got to you. I'm sorry. The discordant energy, the entropy of, I don't know what comes over me. That was a very scary story. And I just walked silently, off to the side.

Hank forgives you. He's a really bad shape. We have to win. We have to win not just for ourselves, but to save chuckles. Poor chuckles. mostly for getting out of it. For what it's worth, we have one win.

The Jaspers now have one win. If we win one more, it's mathematically impossible for anyone else to win. Are you voting to hear? Absolutely not. You've ever seen me carve a pumpkin? Well, it seems as though. Unless it's Dex base, in which case, sign me up.

The house of Hague has forgotten the beauty just for them, bringing the total act. count to four. We'd have to make sure that the jasper's don't win the number one. We just have to make sure the jasper's don't win more than one, and we're in the clear. I can't believe we blew our event on Rasselin. We could have chosen violent gunfire.

Or bounty hunting. I mean, come on. Or just gun. Nobody has any guns around, dude. Yeah, who has the most functional gravity kit? They would have been a shoe with it. That's what I'm saying. It wouldn't even have to use it.

And on the... In the family. You know, Rad, this raises a question. What's stopping us to just massacring all these ears? They certainly don't look like they have any kind of defense or weaponry or anything. Mike, I think he... Oh, I'm sorry. Were you addressing me?

Well, yes, you spoke in by the old ancient... Bounding rules of the festival of balloons. All right, what's left? It laws of pumpkin carving. Don't forget the pumpkin. Get it a hammered. Pumpkin carving. You can't, well, it's-

I'm not drinking the blood. It's pumpkin carving. I'll take it the pumpkin carving. I will drink the blood. It's wild. It's quiet. Yep, yep, yep. All right, Don, you heard her.

Just so you understand your options, the final round would be drinking blood. I mean, why? I think I'll say, the pumpkin garment. Okay, for sure. Somebody thought they were here for a good time. I volunteered for sticking my hand

in a bowl of peels. Why see you have selected the nightmare of man? The tiebreaker. Welcome back to that one. Cut down on the cigarettes. Oh. A handful of ghouls run out and they lift up the pyre in the center of town and they quickly shuffle it off. And out they present two chairs with small tables in front of them.

I'm like a personal desk almost. They walk out, they set two pumpkins down side by side. And Amelia Stein steps out from the house of Stein and sits down on the left side. Your weakness. And the first thing you'll... It's Andy's weakness. Let's get it. The first thing you'll see is out of her, from her side,

she'll pull out a scalpel and twirl it in her fingers incredibly deftly before stopping it almost like a pencil in her hand. What exterior? And you may take your seat? Okay, I walk over to the empty chair. I'll, like, pull it out. I'll sit down. I'll kick my feet up onto the table

and I'll light a cigarette. It doesn't look like you're taking this very seriously. Damn, look at those pumpkins. And then I'm motioning around everything around us and then I motion it chuckling. And also those gourds that are pretty nice. Has his color back. He's a lot.

He's like a little. He's a nose. Turn to go with a little bit of that. And she does have very nice pumpkins laid out in front of her. And she's ready to carve. If you think that you can take this not seriously, you're deadly wrong. Whatever happens, happens.

Is it supposed to be a scanty pumpkin? question. We didn't describe the carving portion of the activity. This is a contest to display your artistic inclinations towards, well, carving pumpkins. Whatever you'd like to carve it into the side

of it, you need a balance of skill with a blade. And a mine for stuff that's pretty cool, I guess. I've never done the pumpkin parvin myself. Is there a time limit? Yes. Three to four hours. How long?

We've never run up against that before. We just know that there is a time limit. Oh my God. How are you going to go like to King? I have your ripple for it. Committed a memory. All right. Let's just call it ten minutes.

Well, that's a lot of commitment. But if you feel good about it, We'll say that it's 10 minutes. All right. All right, Pat. On your mark. You work straight up close. Yeah.

He's barking. You back. Do it for Hank. Dave the ranch. That's just a It's not fighting for a ranch. Oh my God. I got to step away.

Oh. I'm off life out of my mouth. Roll a slight of hand check. For what reason? To use a... There'll be in front of you on this table. The pumpkin... No, no, no. Continue.

A pumpkin sits in front of you. To its side, a serrated, thin, bladed knife. Okay. And you may carve the pumpkin in whatever format you see fit. I spend the first nine minutes and 59. second smoking my cigarette. Is he doing? While she's just going hample of the pumpkin.

Amelia goes to work. You see a little bit of maybe why their house is like this. Very clearly she has a deafness with the blade. She moves with a fury striking the pumpkin

incredibly well, cutting eyes, teeth, hideous bolts attached into it. And by the end, it's crafted a very respectable-looking, horrible pumpkin face. I mean, presumably before she starts to carve the outside of the pumpkin, she would have to carve the little hole at the top of the pumpkin and just sort of like

do one of these. She around the side and then like start scooping everything out. She's like to describe it but very slow. Yeah, yeah. She does that. When there are 10 seconds left on the clock, I take the final drag of my cigarette and I put it out on the table

I get my feet off the table I push my chair back I stand up I pointing at the pumpkin and from the tip of my finger an absolutely massive radiant blast because of and then I say

bang and I explode the pumpkin mass and just radian blast I blow the pumpkin of smithereens and then I light another cigarette and I sit back down on my chair I'm scared modern art. Oh, yeah, modern art. I don't think he understood the assignment.

It's supposed to represent the futility of existence and the mess that our lives are in. And how about at the end of the day, that no matter what you do, everything ends, And it withers and goes the way and explodes. Just like everything always does. They love that shit. It's a metaphor for entropy.

You know what I mean? Performance shot at an edge. The best part of like about that is that I was essentially trying to lose. Performance? Okay, I'm not really good in this. I could still lose. I got a 17. Pretty good.

Did he say, did he say entropy? You say, this is modern art. There's nothing scarier than modern art. The way he grasped the futility of existence. The way he brought about the end of all things in the form of pumpkin explosions. Think about how cool you'll look to all of your friends in academia.

Wow. This would look really cool. Imagine it in the office, sitting on the edge of the mantel. Just displayed for all patience to see. It's so good that you need a little note card next to it to explain what it means. Instead of it being obvious. Imagine. Emilio's staring at Pike in a new light.

She's just like, That's pretty good. That's gross, man. That is gross even for you, Dave. Amelia spins this scalpel and slams it into the carving table in an instant. Inspired. I literally look at Rhett like, what the fuck is going on?

You just- I'm not, buddy. You disgust me. I lived right over there I do declare Well it seems by popular demand from everyone Who would like to commission

Further pumpkin carving art From the contestant of the house of Hank Pike is this contest's winner Hank wins again I stand up and I just said I don't understand this place. Good job, boy, you're killing. And I walk over to rent and rest of the gang.

And I'm just, I'm resigned. You did it. Spike, you did it. We mathematically can't lose. I gotta be honest with you guys. I was trying to lose. Yeah, we know.

Well, you inadvertently appeal to their pompous sensibilities and their own insecurities for wanting to appear more intelligent and culture than they actually are. Well, sometimes you, just get lucky. And that's all we need. Dude, I'll just look at

Redley, who are to you? Well, it seems as though it's time for the final round in the Festival of Blood. And our prior years reigning champs the House of Emerald.

Emmerc. Emmerich. I just paused for drama. Pause for drama's sake. You wouldn't understand. And you're not a showman. What? Are you fucking kidding me?

You look at your film. You're about to do the monster match. This place is really tearing him apart. I'm like turning it drift apart. I'm like, still, he's like becoming transparent. Your features, your eyes are on them. The land.

The future when you can see through the hand. Yeah. Well, it's time for the blood. I'm ready. Drinking contest. The House of Amrik, Sandslorian Amrik. And the,

the Gould's, nice. The ghouls run up, and they pick up the tables and they shuffle them away. I loved him in the Patriot. And you return with a simple picnic table that they bring out. You sit down on one side and across from you sits down in Lorient.

In front. Long ways or like directly across from you? Directly across. What are the whole world? Or noses are touching? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Directly across from each other. Two ornate goblets placed down in front of you. Not ghouls this time, but vampire hosts from the house run out, and they pour a deep red liquid into the cup into each. Well, it was time to get right. Round four started. It's amazing, I have no idea how I started that voice.

I can't remember where I began with that. It's running as a drift voice. I don't think it's where I ended. I think I'm very far away from where I began. But well, it's time for round four. How do I win? You don't die. Oh.

Dan, you've got this on lock. Oh, do I have this? You have the wine. you have the contest and you destroy the vampire. Do you understand, Dandy? No mercy. Blood. Blood! The only thing you have on luck is your loss, little girl.

And I'm just gonna growl at you. Give me the blood. It's not a blood, it's wine. We've described it multiple times. Give me the wine. Anyone else really worried about Dandy? Yes, come here. Dan Di ever drank wine before? I don't think so, but you guys have known her longer.

I think back to when we first found her. My money's on there. No, Damien and I have had plenty of wine before, and we just had, we just drank grape juice out of white glasses. Well, every time the Blue Deck Marathon comes on, I always hear bottles popping. Give it again. How do you know Indian I do that?

Yeah. You were not, you can sing with us throwing enemy USA. Oh my God. Well then, bottoms up. And he raises the goblet and begins to drink. Is that how you plan to hold it? Have you no class? And then I'm just gonna start chugging.

But I'm also, as I start chugging, I'm gonna undo something on my back, my compost latch. Just poop it open a little bit. Tipped the bucket over, and I'm chugging. And I'm chugging, and I'm chugging, and it's just going out my back as I chug. Disgusting. I like it.

Oh, um, that's who began to drink. I need you make a Constitution saving throw. Oh my God. Oh no. You can do it, Danny. Oh, no. I believe in you. Oh, no. I believe you can twist it.

Twist me. Come on, baby. Let's do that. 19. 19. I rolled a 17. Wow. Can you get wrecked?

You take the first sip of this. Not smoking in the wine. Pinky's out because you're classy. Oh, no, no, no. Well, that's how Lorian drinks. I know. You were, you were, you. Okay.

Okay. You started to drink just, I don't want to do it. You start to drink just full-faced. The wine moves through your system almost instantaneously. It has a delicious flavor. mixes of blackberries, other things that are found in wine commonly. And blood. And a faint hint of iron.

As you take, as you see, you feel fine. Lorien also seems to feel fine. And the charges from the house. of Emric, run back out, huh, huh, and refill the cups. Round two, then. I'm chugging. Roll a constitution saving throw. Oe ve. Chuckles, you should have made her like a

windy straw. Oh, they twisted again? Yeah. Twisted again. Cfear, that's a great idea. I'll reach it on my hat. One more twist, one more twist. Thank you, try.

13. 13, I roll a natural one. Wow! Unbelievable! A little disconcerted from how you're processing this activity, he shakes them. Excuse me, I'm embarrassed. This guy fuck.

He shakers and he can't even threaten quite. And he can't even drink wine. Dandy, the secret weapon. I'll pull out a curly cue straw, and it's shaped to spell out cool, but the O and O are a pair of sunglasses. Ear. And I, like, put it over my eyes, and I say,

no, the secret is to open up your jugular. And I like to try and get more and just keep on chugging. And then she came in. She did it. And they come out. And once again, another. I'm immune to poison.

I don't know if that matters. Alcohols a poison. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm war forged. I'm forged by war. That's Daniel's new voice. I'm 40 by water.

I'm 47% of iron. My mother's poor windstar. I'm drinking the blood. I'm drinking the blood. You seem as you rolled a concept. Just for fun. It's a solid six. I'm immune.

It's magic wine though. Oh shit. It is magic wine. It is magic wine. You might be magic poison. And you're not getting poisoned. You're getting drunk. As this round, you begin to process and though it's moving through your compost bucket, it does seem to linger just something a little bit

in your system and you start to feel its effects as it muddles your mind just a bit. Seems as though somebody can't handle their blood. I mean, wine. Another round. Oh my God, which is it? I'm so confused. Well, it's not surprising. You told a ghost

story about a green goblin who walked around. He looked around. Oh, it's terrible. My nose like jumes down. Too soon. So bad I couldn't even remember the plot. Well, to be fair, he also did a little dance, too. Roll Constitution saving throw. Chagos.

A little ghost in me. It, like, floats up out of my body. What about survival? You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not how it. Okay, I'm going to twist it. Yeah. Twist it.

How may twist it? Yeah, like a bit. Oh, fuck. I'm gonna do a 10. So I twist it. Let's let it. Let's let a ride. You start to get just a little bit more,

as the wine, and that's what it is, expands into your... It's sweet. Blah, it's not a blah, blast. As it extends into your form, just a little bit deeper. Roll one final Constitution saving

I was gonna ask, what are the rules to this contest? You'll see who passed. It's a D20 rate, yeah. Oh! I wanna say we had one twith. We had like 10, different dyes. Different die, different die. So we're probably getting close.

I don't know how much we had from last. Oh, 17. Yeah, I rolled a five. There it is. Oh. In the finest. And then and then the good. ghosts.

And the... And then the... They had the... Goblin. And then the goblin. They looked around. Then he did... Did a little thing.

And then the French. It was Lauren falls back in his chair. And people go, oh, yes. It's over. Daddy, you did it. The House of Hank wins! We didn't it. Well, that seems to be correct.

The House of Hank wins. We are now king. Now we can tax them. Dandy, you told Count Chalkula to get dumped in milk. I did. Bitch. What? That does not sound like me.

What? I said, I am war-forged. What war were you in? A war. Oh, no. Does war ever change? The wine and affecting her now. All right, we're kings.

Now, please release our fucking ship, and we'll get the fuck out of here. Oh. So, the festival. of, oh, well our new monarchs get to name the festival moving forward. No, festivals disbanded. Oh! We didn't see this is like a permanent installation of monarchy.

No more festivals, no more monarchy. Oh, this was the only thing we did for fun. Well, why don't you mix things up and form a constitutional republic? That sounds like a lot of work. You could spice it up. You could call it a bone institutional amendment. Sounds kind of spooky. Or less, at least, like, pick your king the normal way,

like, do violent conquest. It's supposed to spooky, spooky games. You could have a sacra coup. It's amazing how many words rhyme with blue. I've cut a whole dictionary right here. other options. But I suppose you're correct.

It's time to crown the house of Hank, the newest monarchs of Nightenvale. Present your king. Go on, buddy. You earned it.

Don't walk up. It goes up a back foot. It goes up a couple of steps. It goes up a couple of steps. Poh-la-p-la-p-p-la-p-p-p-p-poh. I don't make xylophone noises as they begin to play the coronation ceremony song. As they walk out and grim floats down with a little crown as it's been sized for Hank. One that is this year's Was traditionally blood red

This is purple As they have since shifted the color It comes down with an odd emblem On it that you can't quite make out As they place it on his head Well congratulations to the House of Hank for

well becoming the new monarchs and installing themselves permanently as the ruling class of Mountainville. I think that's where we ended with that one. It was tough to tell. Anyway,

we've never had four houses before, and so has one final surprise twist to the festival to be fully imbued with the power of a monarchy, the house of Hank will have to tell one

final story. I've got them. Can't we just oppress these people? I mean, we're in charge now. We can change the words. Well, it sounds like to our ship, and they make them an army of untow. We can pick over the galaxy. It sounds like he's not king yet.

We got to tell a story. And Chuckles volunteer. No. I can't follow up Dandy's perfect, flawless performance. I'm even more shaken than I was by the taxman story. Sandy was flawless. Pike was flawless.

LeBouche was flawless. Also, Rhett was there. Chuckles, this is a chance for you to redeem yourself. I think Kavir needs to tell the story. Oh, by that, oh, fuck. I know you meant oh, fuck.

what I've been waiting for. The entire time. Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. That's a great storyteller. That's what somebody once told me. I've heard him at the bars and taverns and can'tinas. Waxing yarns.

What kind of story would you like to hear? Oh, well, thank you for asking. It is sometimes pretty specific but you don't have to tell it here. You have to tell it to the Weaver. The what?

And as he says that, a visible and palpable Paul falls over an already dim crowd. Thank God. Tell us to it. You see, Amelia looks out, oh, never mind. You might not be? And the House of Stein scurries away.

The ghosts, the House of Jans, Asper. Oh, well, look. We head back to their home. The House of Emric. Dragging Lorian back. Oh, the French. Oh, I suppose it was. You know, they didn't win this yet. Wait, what? They're all the sore losers. now.

Well, we just got to take a little walk. The weaver, you had to meet some tactile textile worker? Is he going to make a blanket of this story? From a certain point of view. eBay. Probably weaves tails together. Yeah, let's just get this over with. Oh, agreed.

Why? Let's forget it. Good boy. Good monarch. Good monarch. I'll follow behind, uh, Grit woman. That didn't even silent.

I will look and I will mouth. No. Say it ain't so. I'm starting to think I like it here. Oh no, he's becoming a life. Not a beret! I'll try to lasso in order to move. I'll try to lasso onto La Pooge and

I'm I just watch him Pulling we don't have much time He's even worse than I could have imagined Isn't you I love the universal hatred We gotta go We'll go

I'm no way Hey is your friend okay No but he wasn't before we got here Let's keep the way Well he's looking better than he did When he started but... Yeah.

Depends on the point of view. Okay. Well, let's take a little trip. And Grimm flies. Slowly. Everyone can keep up. I'm not he's ever moved quickly a day in his life. But he flies slowly down the cobble path,

back out into... back outside of Nightonvale. You cross through the iron-wrought black gate. And you find a pathway that takes you back into the forest. And you hear the rustling of leaves, which is strange because you haven't seen a leaf the entire time you've been here. You hear shifting, shuffling, chittering, as you make your way.

And Grimm flies very confidently. He makes a twist and a turn through the forest as he moves. The hill starts to slope downward as it almost feels as though it comes back around as it loops in this kind of U format, back towards Night and Vale. You walk not for a long time, but it feels like you move quite a distance, and you come and you go and you make your way,

and you feel like you can see the town off just a little bit beyond where you're at as you kind of slope under this hill and into an entryway that breaks into the side of the earth. You step into a damp, dark tunnel as you walk and you move. You feel something on your arm. You give it a brush.

Cobweb here, smattering of leaves there. as Grimm continues to lead you down, down the way. Well, there's nothing to be afraid of. I don't know why everyone always acts this way when we start talking about the Weaver because, well, I think he's a pretty nice guy. No, I mean, I'm excited to meet the fella.

I mean, we're just in the same woods as when Juffles was telling us about the giant spider. I'm sure the we were totally unruly. That's very busted. You're busted in a day. My teeth are rattling and soundless like. As you're having this conversation,

you enter out into this large cavern. Almost like, like dark midnight bluish black rock edges all around you. The ceiling impossible to see shrouded in darkness. The edges of the room very difficult to see. And just the very edge of your vision also shrouded in darkness. You can see most of this cavern, but there are spots that just the light doesn't seem to pierce. And grim as he starts to talk, so it flies deeper into the cavern as he'll, he lands on the ground and he starts to walk towards the darkness on the other side of the room.

And he says, well, you don't have to meet the weaver because he's me. Oh, fuck. And as he takes a couple more steps forward, his shape begins to elongate and stretch out. His form darkens and shifts and begins to turn black as he disappears into the the darkness at the other end of the room. And you begin to see, and all you see, significantly higher up

in the air, probably about 10 feet elevated, you see two yellow eyes stare back out at you. You came to tell a story. There's only one I want to hear.

And then, you can be king for the night. What do you mean? Some kind of fucking trick! I do quite enjoy my tricks. I regret that I had to pull you here, but you got caught in my web, but something else got caught in at first.

It was you. Why? I've shrouded this place from the Empire, from their sight, For a very long time, these people have been under my protection of sorts. But that began to fade very recently. And I'd like to know why.

And I think that you can tell me. What the fuck is he talking about? I don't know, Rhett. This place appeared after whatever happened on that planet, maybe they're connected. I mean, we're certainly no friends of the empire. There's no reason that we would have any hand in you suddenly being visible to them. You also said something else got caught before us. Yes.

Well, not caught, per se. Something far stronger. Something far more disruptive. Pierced my web. Wouldn't be stopped by it. And it's stench. hangs upon you. And so,

there's only one story I care to hear, and if I have to pry it from you, that is fine as well. Look, we don't know what the fuck you're talking about. There's something we can help you with, then I would be

glad to oblige. But unless you fucking help us understand what you're looking for, this canon's not going to stake hold forever. The only story you'll hear is the one of your end. Jekyll, do you think that the W stood for Weaver? Oh, you can't talk.

I'll have the realization. It's so good. And I'm going to start, my face is going to start to get a little bit red. I'm going to get a little bit more mad. I'm starting to get madder and madder, and suddenly my color's going to start to return. I just get, I go full, like, queen of hearts red. The W stood for Spider, the whole of the whole of the sky.

Was Spiter. Was Spiter. Are you talking about him? And I will gesture to Laboosh. Oh. You see the eyes move in the darkness. They rock back and forth, almost like a pendulum. It's hypnotic at first.

You look at it. You catch eyes. They shift between each of you. back and forth, back and forth, start and end. And they rest on the bush for a moment. Well, then pry it from you, I will. This doesn't have to end in blood. We don't know what you're asking for.

How could we give you what you want? Oh, you'll give me what I want of that. I am convinced. The eyes disappear and immediately firing out from the shadows

in immediate and rapid succession silver strands of weave all hit you almost instantaneously with no time to react. Ah, damn it. You are and in a moment, well, we will draw a map. Oh.

Wow. I'm scared. Just like the double you, you're going to be silent in a second when we kill you. You need a marker. Oh, yeah, do you have a marker here? Is this a... Oh, yeah. Whatever we got.

Probably is not something like. Unless you have black or very dark blue. Is this work? Oh no, use the, uh, yeah, this, this, yeah. This is the good stuff. Here's a very light blue. That'll be good enough. Well, I don't have the whole thing like multi-colors.

Yeah, we have green too. Where'd you guys get these? Online, I believe, and a year's ago. We need to get them. I feel like they usually dry out so fast, but that's cool they last so long. What the hell?

Oh, it's a web. A bunch of rainbows? Rainbow in the sky This ain't scary at all Spiders Gonna suck us dry So take a look You gotta get sucked

By fucking spiders I can weave anything What spiders is my favorite character The Crooked moon Back the crooked moon dot com to get $100,0004 on the next stretch.

Cool. Are we in the middle? It's D&DFO. You are not in the middle. Great question. You, I think that's bad. You, uh-oh. What happens is you are struck by these silver strands

and in an instant, they begin to wrap you up. They cast you all to the edge of the room forcefully, cocooned in a spider's web. You are wrapped and stuck at, we'll say, just closest to me. We'll say just closest to me. Oh. Can't even Hank? That's a nightmare.

I'm very, Hank is it? I mean, he's there. And you may put those in front of your tokens. Like one in front of each of us. Mm-hmm. It came for a day. Uh-oh. Oh, gosh, it's through Carathon.

Oh. I'm putting, I'm putting Hank in. Yeah, we're together. We're tied up together. He's at my feet. We'll say. And I need everyone to roll for an initiative. Let's fuck.

Ooh. Brap bra bra bra bra. It's a fucking guy. Oh, wow, got, got. That's good. Fucking blood. Not bad. Hey, my god, my dice.

Not using that one. My dice. My dice. Oh, 21. Shit. Oh, 20 to 25. Rett. 23.

22. Whoa. Whoa. I got a natural point. Okay. Blake and red. Right to die. Right to die.

23. Actually, just kidding. You guys have to choose you guys first. You go first. You go first. Just calm down for a second. It's too much fresh up.

It's the best rule I've had on night. It's for goddamn initiative. It's because all cooking. God die. I'm finishing off the twin snakes, guys.

I'm sorry. Are you kidding? I'm going to deserve everyone. I'm going to have diarrhea. I'm sorry. I don't know. This is my favorite version. It's yours.

No, no, no. I don't want it. It's okay. I don't want it. It's okay. I'm gonna die. I can't let you know I enjoy that. 13.

I'm gonna die, this is not healthy. No, it's all right, we'll be fine. You're fine, you're, yeah, you're okay. I'll have some of the Hershey's though. I hate white chocolate, but it's good cream. It's pretty good. Did you try these? They're very, very not good, but it's worth trying maybe.

What, the guy? Yeah, they're not good. Oh, they are Gusha. And they're sour. They've had the sour ones. You've had the sour ones? Yeah. Take these onto hand.

We have like a palette of them at all. Take these to your wife. And I got one craving and now we own the company, apparently. Gusha, what's my brother's name? I will take your story from your body myself. You see this descend from the center

of the ceiling. In the dead center of the room. Very slowly, very slowly, it begins to descend. How we will begin is I'm going to start a clock. Your cocoons have 80 hit points. They have 19 AC. You can attack them from the inside.

Every time you strike them, they lose an AC. Oh, cool. And you have to break out before the spider reaches the web. Say it one more time, though. So before anyone stop, starts, all interlude here. Before anyone starts, there'll be a villain's monologue as the spider descends towards you to the web.

It loves you. Your cocoons have 80 hit points. You can attack them from within in whatever format you so choose. Every time you hit them with an ability, the AC drops by one. The AC drops by one, so they become easier to strike. You break out, and then you can either help or you can move towards the spider, depending on the situation.

And when I say go, you can just start rolling. You can all do it together. We don't do initiative on it. You just start frantically trying to break out. Oh, it's real time. Real time cocoon combat. Any questions. Yes, I have one question.

What happens if the cocoons have to make a saving throw? Yeah. Automatic loss. I'm burning through this motherfucker in like three rounds. Okay. Oh, they lose? They're no rounds. What would you say? No, I mean, I know.

What would you say is the limitation on like spell casting? So if I need to move my arms in any way or like... That's a good question. Yeah. I would say you have a varying, like, you know, you can't like flail around. But the concept would be every time you strike it, you become a little freer. Right. And so you can move a little more easy.

easily. But it's not stopping you from casting spells or anything like that. Okay. But you have to deal the cocoon's hit point total before you are set free. Yeah. Are we tracking how many attacks it takes us or? Well, the relevance of that will be the ACO will drop every time it's struck. So you don't necessarily need to know how many hits it takes you, but like for someone like Pike, you can attack like... But is it relevant to you? who breaks out when? I guess this is my question.

Like in terms of mechanically. Do we need some sort of order? No. Okay. I'm starting a clock. And you all have to break out by the time the clock reaches the time that I have. Let's say that your clock is 60 seconds.

If I break out 30 seconds, should I just pause and wait for everyone? No, no, you can either help the other cocoons or you can run at the spider. Those will be your option. Okay. I was going to ask you. Sorry.

Okay. This is real time, DMD. So now how do you, how do you, how do you handle spells in real time? Like I have this, what I've flavored is razor sand. It does damage, it's only a matter of me, telling it that around me. And the deck saving is 16, so it automatically fails. And that means that the tube within five feet of me would also get hit. Or is this only going to affect the inside of the cocoanut? I would say for starters, until you release, it will only affect your cocoanut.

Good. I gotta stop. So I would just keep casting this spell potentially until it hits it. It does 2d6 damage each time, so until I... Effectively, you would just continue to roll 2D6 until you total 80. Yeah, so for you basically have the advantage of you can't miss. Because it's going to automatically fail with decadowing throws. Yep.

I'm doing something similar. But I can only do it three times, but that's going to be enough to lower it to 16, and then I'm just going to fear it blows my way out. Okay. Everyone get it? Yeah. No! I need, I just gonna make sure I have all my dice. Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.

The clock starts now. Alright, so that's gonna be a hit on my first one. 19 to start. Once you do the damage, it drops. Nine. Okay, we'll go to five, six, seven, eight, nine. And that's gonna be. 10, 11, 12.

Shit, no, I don't get to cast. So what I'm using is class feature that allows me to cast burning hands. is a serine are straight, but I am flavoring the radiant fist damage from my hands. Oh, that's 17. We're good. We're good.

That's a good. Dacy drops to 18. The lever descends the Siltrenuous, that's 20. Nice, that's 20. Wow, that's the word. We're in the bottom of natural point. Possibly will.

That's nice. That's true. Then I'm going to cast another serial iron. I'm struggling again. One, two, five, six, seven. I'm going to do it again. That's three hits. That's another.

I'm gonna do this. Yes, definitely. 16, 15, I'm up to 35. The Weaver descent. The left side to . Oh, God, that's 16. I'm up to 40. Now I can just start fury blowing.

Multiple attacks here. That's gonna be a miss. One's gonna be a hit. That is, oh, 18. Four. That's gonna be- I think I'm out. Five, six. One's gonna be five.

Just gonna be a two more. Two more attacks. Then we do it again. Those are two hits. That's gonna be. That's about a natural 20. That's gonna be seven. 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, plus 10, 11, 12.

Plus, that's 62. Two more to actually do it. Weaver two hits. I'm out. I'm out. I immediately break out, and I use all of my movement speed to start attacking Brett's cocoon. Yeah, I'm way back.

Another natural 20, one. You can get there. You can start striking in. That's two more heads. What do you mean? I need, I need like, five, seven, seven, eight, ten, what's your AC? 24 more to points down.

I'm not. I'm not. We're good. You have a lot. What's your A C? Come on money. The spider. Seven damage, chuckle last.

Oh yeah. You're 18 plus 12. Hold up. Okay. A spider just touched down. Is that mechanically relevant? You just, the spider has to get to us before we got out of the game.

Oh, so the moment, then what I would say is the moment that I break Rhett out, I look at Rhett. I nodded him. I turn 180 degrees and I rush the spider. the spider. Who's still in Kikins? I just all burnt. I broke out right before the spider.

I pulled the last remaining cowboy along with why I was at 50 and then I third, or I was at, actually I was at 50 and then I rolled my ass and then all three of them attacked. So it was all like, boom! This was they zirked down my picture. I got two natural 20s and both times I wrote minimum damage.

Damn. You gotta fire those dice. No, I mean, they were they can. They are fire. No, it's Friday. Wait, number five. The minion? It's just,

oh, those are the cocoons. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just a visual representation of the fact that you're out. That makes sense. So did everyone get out? Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, I'm out.

Yeah, I got out barely. I'm out. I'm gonna cast moonbeam on the, no, I'm just kidding. You can't keep this story from me. I love a good tale. What's Pithra? What story are you talking about?

This is insane. It's your turn. I will go and I will punch him in his was spider body. His weaver with? Fuck, it's a spider! I need you to roll a, I need you to roll an athletics saving throw. That makes sense.

I don't have athletic saving throw. Sorry, an athletics check. Athletics check? Yeah, yeah. Good. I'm not being grappled, am I? No. Well, is that relevant?

Yeah, I get advantage if it's an athletics check and I have, and I'm attempting to initiate or escape a graph. But I'm assuming the answer is no. Um, no. Okay. Let's check him. You're on webs. Oh good. Just my favorite. Twisted.

Well, that's these nice. I don't know how many twist we have left. Uh, not many. Depends on how many we have it from last month. We're out of the ones that I saw today. I'm a tank. Let's find out what happens when you fail these. Yeah, fair point. Let's learn some information. I got a 12.

Uh, I'm going to punch you right on your eggs at all! You say that. You also have come to realize that you are standing upon a woven spider's web as the entire ground reveals itself to you to be the same silken thread. And you are now moving at half speed. And we're on it.

And you're on it. You're on a silver strand. Oh! Silken spider thread. I can get here. And... Took in the rage. I already raged.

I already raged when I was doing this. But I made the mistake of choosing form of the bite. Can I drop rage and take a new rage? I don't think so. I think you have a feature that allows you to change. You can do as a bonus action. Oh, right. Thank you. We're talking about that.

I will use my bonus action to change to tail, which gives me the reach property, which means I now have enough to reach him from here. Oh yeah. I will recklessly attack. Special reaction. I will get a 27 to hit. 27.

I'm not rolling good today. Punch this with spider and it's stupid with face. A 27 and a 26 to hit. Both hit? Okay, let's do this, let's do this. That's going to be 16 plus 10, 26 points of bludgeoning damage. As I stretch out and I just do a really long. stretch arms, or I do a gum gum attack. Oh, thank you.

Bam, boom, gung. I was waiting for you say go-goo attack. Yeah. You toss your fist behind you and it stretches out in 20 feet towards the back. And as it snaps forward, it rockets towards the spider as you fire two punches straight at it. How much damage does it take?

26. 20s. Mludgeoning damage. Nice. Points of bludgeoning damage. damage. And I need you to make a strength saving throw. Okay. Fortunately, I'm a barbarian. And I get a 23.

23. As your fists land onto the body of the spider, its head snaps towards it as they come in and attempts to sink its mandibles into your arms, but it just narrowly misses. Did. Well, where am I? Behind the living. Oh, I don't want to be directly behind him. I'm gonna like kind of go over here,

like swing over here a little bit. Not that far. Seven and a half, 15. Oh, sorry, you have to make a shift. Before you can move, you have to make a strength check. An athletics check. If you pass- How about survival?

If you pass a athletics check at 14. 16. 14 or higher. You can move normal speed. If it's below that, you're at half speed. Well, I'm just really right now. Stuck to the spider webs.

So I'm just gonna try and stay at my distance and like just fuck this giant spider up. And I'm going to pass guiding bolt. And it is a, ooh, 27 to hit. 27 hits everybody. Okay. Okay.

Damage is 16, 17, 17, 20 damage. It's 16, 17, 20 damage. 20 points of damage. Yeah. And that, it's like a, it's the amber glow again that's attacking it. Just tell you know. And that's what you charge up.

Your gem glows with an awesome power. and you stretch out that blasts. It shoots forth, and that ruby light, that ruby amber mixed light slams directly into the body of the spider. And I believe also now offers advantage to the next person in attack. Yeah.

Yeah. There is then Pike. Is it just for one attack? Or like once it consumed? The next attack roll. The next attack is a hit. Perfect. So right where we left,

off, I will have been getting ret out of his cocoon and seeing the direness of the situation, I will, thank you. I will look you in the eyes for a moment and nod at you. And then, as you've seen me do many times, I turn and in a quick flash of magenta, pink, and orange light, I use starlight step to teleport three feet towards this fighter. And as a bonus action. What? You nodded at me?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. I would not back. To give you like an acknowledgement, like I'm not one. Not an idea. I know that guy. I love you, right? Go.

Y'all are secretly loves it. You're food. No, the chat is going to run away with that. Starlight stuff is a bonus action. So then I will just make two attacks, both of them at advantage. The first attack is going to be a 15 plus 8 to hit, which is 23. That is a dice back, Mike. And the second one will be a natural 20.

Natural 20. Hell yeah. We'll hit. Let's go. So I'm gonna add, so it's gonna be 10, 10 off the top from the pluses, and then I'll roll the dice. This is the, the crooked moon coins. Four, five, six, eight, no, 12, 15, 14, 15, 14, 14, what I said? Sorry, 12, 13, 14.

No, get a little of those. One, two, another eight, 14 plus eight is 22, plus 10 is 32, plus 10 is 32 points of damage for two attacks, one of them being print. them being, Brett. And I don't know, like 10 of that is radiant if it matters. Okay, so how much is you do? 20. After completing the Starlight step, I will land and immediately deliver two punches and a kick to its spider abdomen. You axe kick in, you axe kick the cocoon of Rhett, splitting it half open. You grab him by the harness and pull him square out of it. placing him directly in front of you.

You give him a quick nod and then release him. You just bounce on your knees for just a moment before in a flash of magenta you're by the spider. One punch, two punch, kick square into one of its legs. You deal a massive blow of damage as all hits land. That's my chair. And, Rhett. Oh.

It's cheap. Okay. I will Is this all Nord's normal terrain? Everything is Spider-Web. I just drew it for Is it difficult terrain or normal-same? You have to make an athletic. I mean, an athletics check. If you fail, it's then difficult terrain.

If you pass, you've been able to wrench your feet out. Is there a DC? I'm trying to hit it. It's 15. 14. 14, sorry. Okay, I pass for sure. Fee-oh. I'll rip my boots out of the web. And I'll say, all right.

Hank. Let's fucking kill this guy. And I'm, oh, two, three, four, five, six. Matt, can you move Hank up 30 feet? Do either of them have to make an athletics? Oh, Hank probably does too, right? Yeah, Hank would have to. To anybody who moves through the weather. He rolls a natural wand, put him back.

Oh, put him back three. Put him back. Put him back. He goes, sorry, buddy. And he starts spinning back and forth and just getting wound up in the twine like a top. Oh, God, what have I done? He's so cute.

First, I need to figure out, can he do anything else? One, two, three, four, five. I'm barely in range. I am going to, my engine will whir, as you hear sort of this gas being pumped into the reactor in my cannon, and I'm going to fire two shots for my cannon at Zespido. Ooh, that's a 19 and a 12.

19 hits 12 will not. Okay. All right. So they see someone between 19 as well. No one knows. We do these guys. Ooh, that's bad. You're closing the window.

10 points of force damage. 10 points of forced damage. You grab the ether cannon, boom, you fire out two. arcing blasts of this swirling blue energy as it fires out. One just narrowly goes over as the spider moves deftly and it is able to avoid one while the other hits it square in its abdomen. Quick question to maintain game state. What was the save that LaGush had to make? Was it because he made a melee attack? You don't know. Oh, so I'm good.

Okay, just want to make sure I didn't miss anything that I needed to do. No, thank you. To all clear. Hank is gonna use his action to dash, Mike if you can just move him up 30 more feet. Or 15 more feet, sorry. There, yep.

That's it. Pass my turn. You move fluidly and you fight together. I find that very interesting. And the spider will click clack through the web towards Laboosh. We're gonna be clack, that spider pops. Is gonna get out of range of my own.

Nah, he doesn't have to. He's not there. He's a big guy. He seemed pretty smart. Yeah. Dang. He knows a thing or two. Oh, man.

I don't know, did you see how large Mike hit him in the abdomen? He's a sneaky spider. Yeah. Oh, wait, you moved within 30 feet of me. You fooled. Is it 30 feet? Right?

Yeah. And there you are you. 23 to 16. To hit. The 23 hit. hits, but the 16 does not. The spider walks calmly towards you,

seemingly uninterested in the display of ferocity and force that you've been able to put on so far. It lunges forward with its mandibles, piercing into your body. I need you to make a strength. How did you make a strength-saving throw?

21. 21. I don't know. Dreads, too. I finally, I finally warmed out. Yeah, that's a really good point, dread. Yeah. Finally warmed up.

Before you do it, wait, wait, wait, add to Cosmic Elyleman. Oh, to the 20. Is that a reaction? It's supposed to be before, yeah, it's like a reaction before his role. Oh, okay, well you said it. It was like going through a red light.

You were already in the inner side. It just means clear the way. It's got to cross the line. So that's gonna give me a 11, 19, 19. Hell you. One more dread. Oh my God, I can't do that again. Classic.

The one? Nine. You take 12 points of piercing damage as the mandible sink into you. This will hurt quite a bit. I only work here. I would say that I'm sorry, but that would not be the truth.

And a silken strand will shoot up into the darkness into the ceiling. It'll contact. The spider deftly and immediately ascends into the darkness with you in its mouth. Oh. If anyone has a tax of opportunity, you may take them. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck this guy out. It takes my reaction though, right? Correct? That matters. It does. I'm using my reaction. I'm using my reaction. I just one attack. I got a 19, not a natural 20, so you're spared for now. Okay. Don't worry. I'm coming for that spider ass. That's

Wusbaden Swabdomin 12 points of damage It's really fun It's really fun Fighter waft So as he 15?

No Oh I see what interesting That's interesting Thank you 7 plus 5 12 points of damage Three of it is radiant

As I see Labusch In its mandibles I'm trying to stop This from happening And I jump up And land another solid kick Bang right into its

Wuspliterabats Is it a dolphin kick? You'd like flip it off. Yeah. That's your Locker. Absolutely. You montage back to your

training session in Maca Reactor 7. I need to mix some Sanji into those characters fighting style for sure. Oh yeah, very cool. Bloody boots, red bites. That's right.

You walk in it. This spider deftly ascends up the silken strand. And if you... With Lubush and toe. With Lubin' toe. You do land your kick.

You hit it square in the abdomen. It barely seems to notice. Damn. As it ascends, you can see it, and you can feel this, Labouche, but it starts to draw from you. And you take... LaBouche is having a bad day.

What can I use to... Bad couple days. I'm like a... Capri Sun. Caprice son. Eleven points of damage. Eleven. As you disappear

into the darkness above. For a moment, you all hear that sound and then... What the fuck? As Labouche crashes back to the ground. Oh my God. I assume if I fall a certain distance, I take

damage, right? Well, you've landed onto the spider web. Soft web. Nice. So you landed on the soft web and it does catch you. And actually, as you make that motion, as you hit the web and you bounce for a moment, it reminds you very distinctly of how the Rhapsody landed when it was pulled to the planet.

We were literally caught in like a space- In a spider's web. Oh, shit. Makes you're a more fake. You're fucking genius. It's fucking in. Yeah. Yeah.

To break us down. None of it's real. Yeah. And you were the most broken. My poor clown. You get clown grease all over here. So we have not keen? There's no one's attacks?

No! We've got to look around everybody, go, now that we're saying it out loud, it seems pretty obvious. The spider descends once again, back down slowly as it moves. Yes. Delicious. The beginnings of the answers I seek.

Chuckles. It's your time. Give him the business. I'm gonna look at him. Give him the business. And I'm gonna say, I told you I had an invisible pie waiting for you and may Ma chuckles,

forgive me. And may God have mercy on your throat. As I've been up basically holding this the whole time, and I look, and I'm not holding anything, and I throw an invisible mime pie at the spider. He's gonna make a dexterity saving throw. This is like a scene in book where they have the...

That's right. You're doing it, chuckles, you're believing. You're doing it, churcles. And I'm gonna use a sorcery point to empower my spell. Nice. This is the seven. Sorry, 15.

Oh, that misses, that fails. You can just fail. I'm uninterested in your answers. It's going to take 14, 20, 25, 28 points of, I think it's bludgeoning damage. Ghost, pie damage? Yeah, catapole, baby. Catapult at a third level.

And it turns out he's super vulnerable to that game. It's a minus 12th of dignity. As I roll for wild magic, hope please don't trigger it. There we go, a fear and again. It's only when you trigger one, but if he's metamagic, it's one or two, and I got a two.

Oh, no. It was a 28 points of average. It was 28 points. Really only Kavir isn't any danger. Yeah. Okay, is this a D-100, right? Yeah, okay. Wow.

It's gonna be a 41. Oh, 42 is so good. Which is one of them like turns, are there are 100 outcomes here? No, 42 is the, um, hitchhiker's guide of the galaxy. Oh, it's the pot of plan. May God have mercy on your soul.

And I turn into a plot of plan. Oh, what's going on? Is this after you do, you still do all the damage? Yes. But after you got the damage, you turn to a pot of plan. And I'm like, I'll say, I'll think about the mind pie just too, and I'm like, what if I done?

And I'm literally a plotted plan. You're the first boss from Cuphead. Yep. And I am incapacitated and I'm vulnerable to all damage. How long? Do you have HP? Until the start of my next turn.

Oh, God. So it's my normal, yeah. Oh, good. Do you change your HP? Here, dude. Well, it just means that you can probably take a shitload of damage while he's in that form. Yes. That's all.

Yeah. And you can't use reactions. Right. So if you're... I'm incapacitated and vulnerable to all damage. No, I'm sure it's just his damage. It's just his HP by normal. It's just my normal.

So if he were to get hit, though, it would be double damage. And so, melee attacks or crits. When I dropped to zero, I just, the plant breaks, I just turn to unconscious chuckles. Yeah. Okay. It'd be so much money if you stayed in play,

I'd like, water you. You're falling more from no. And it basically, what, literally turning to is I just basically shrink and my flour on my lapel. That's really good. He's just met me in a cartoonish plot and it's just a pot and it's just my flower. That got you. Oh yeah, perfect. You throw out that pie and you shift and form back in this potted plant, the lapel flower you wear becoming your form and Kevere. Do you just too? That's fucking la. As I look down, the now potted

plant where chuckles was can be utterly confused. I'm going to cast, I need to flavor this later, but chill it's chill touch. Nice. So it is, let's see. Reverse, reverse time. Yeah, I was thinking of flavoring it as like speeding up time once it hits to make up like the necrotic damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

So what is it? Yeah, not reverse time. Spell hit. So I'm roll off. I cast unburnt. It's as gross as it sounds. Go back into your mother and then clude. Oh, no.

What's my spell? I wish the spell here, right? So it's modifier by, all right? So it's, oh, plus eight. So 20. To what? I guess hit when you cast a spell, right? That's it, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so then 2D8s. Sorry, y'all. No, you're good, you're good. new at this game. No worries, yes. The ones that look like the two diamonds. Double-sided pyramids, yeah, diamonds.

It's a better way to say it than double-s. No, ass-to-ass pyramids, it's the way you're saying. As-to-ass pyramids, perfect. The pyramids that have experienced a moonland. So it's six necrotic damage, and it cannot gain health until the start of mine X-Rin-case that was a mechanic. Yeah, I bet you it was.

Also, is this. Spider of the Undead variety. Or a perception check. Dun, ding, dung, dung, dung. 12. 14. It is not. Okay.

All right then. And then as a bonus action, I am going to cast my elemental gift of flight, allowing me to float. Damn. Ooh. Okay. Okay.

So your legs disappear. And it's all just sit. Yeah. It's the sandy. It's the nimbus cloud forms at your feet. As you move and you ride upon it. LaBouche, back to you. I am still bruised from yesterday,

and now I've been diminished. I'm like a little bit shorter because I've been drank. I'm angry. I will stand up and I can already reach where I am. And this time I'm going to go for a leg and essentially attempt to like crap this like Alaskan crab, this creature.

If I can. So I'm gonna make two attacks recklessly. And that's going to look like 27 to hit and a wow, why can't I get that right now? 24 to hit. Both of those hit? Both of those yet.

Okay. And we're gonna do 27 points of bludgeoning damage as I just continue to hit from one side and hit from the other side. You can hear me swearing in a language that none of you understand. Excuse my fringe. Excuse my ooze. You are, what did you actually roll before you added the modifier? To your attack rolls.

Oh, it was 10 and a 7, so it was 17. And then I added plus five for the first attack. Yeah, yeah, it's to hit, right? Yeah, yeah. What did you actually roll on the die? 19 plus 8. You're not only angry, but you feel that very familiar hunger

bubble back up within you. Oh shit. And for a split second on one of your attacks, when you form your classic hammer formation and you punch out with your fist for a split second and you'd only see this if maybe you're right next to him. You flash Inky Jet Black.

Oh my God, it's black flash. And your fist instead of a hammer form takes a bladed shape. What? As you reach out and you sever one of the legs. Holy shit. I will use my bonus action. What the fuck?

My shield will buzz light ear. like that, I will use my bonus action and a 10-foot-long tongue will go and lick the leg as it starts to fall off and disappear into the end of the spider web. You sick? What the fuck? Does the tongue that go past is your mustache? I do not like this, you know. What have you done with your kind, sweet LaBouche?

I don't like this. Just for a second, you flashed Inky Jet Black. Do I notice? Do I feel that? Or is it like, oh yeah. You would feel something, but nothing, you would feel it as a physical representation of your emotion. Your hunger for your primal hunger to destroy this creature in front of you.

And when you call for the might to do so, your body answers you. I'm ready. I'm ready for more. I'm hungry. That'll be my turn. You play a growth on me, dead. You actually. turn gigantic, like, organetuan, and then you have like a giant tentacle smash.

That's pretty funny. Dandy. It's your turn. Yeah. So I don't get pack tactics for flavor if I didn't know. Well, maybe if you're type of booge. If you're at your party, you'll get pack tactics. Get your side because I become a traitor.

The point is that you would have the ability pack tactics, but for that to work, you have to be in range of something else that has packed tactics. Or that ability doesn't have. I would have eight wolf spiders. You have to be in a pack. I'm good. My plan is to summon a bunch of wolf spiders. Oh. It just said you're a spider and you have a bunch of wolf spiders.

Maybe. That's a DM. I would chalk that up to the DM rule then. I'm not going to DM sure. Yeah, that's tough. I would not have guessed it worked like that. What? Instead of leave any allies with its within attack.

Rules is written is just if you have packed, allegedly, I'm not reading the ability. If you have pack tactics and you are next to an ally, it activates. I would think you'd have to be a part of a pack to have pack tactics. I think that's a very fair ruling. I just would, I just, I'm guessing. Well, if you summon a pack of spiders, yeah.

Different story. Yeah. Yeah. Do spiders hunted packs? Do now. I don't give them any ideas. I don't know. You just have to have the attribute and then if an ally is near you then you.

Yeah, that's, I would not have thought that it worked that way. I like the idea though. Mechanically. I'm just gonna avoid it for this moment. Yeah, you got a bunch of other stuff you can do. Yeah, it's very complicated. I'm gonna move back. In order to move, I need to do the thing.

It's 14, so I pass. I see. I'm just gonna go a back. And I am going to look up at the sky and call on to summoning the moon. And, well, I'm gonna cast moonbeam. I don't know how to say this.

I don't know how else to say this, but... So you need to have a constitution saving throw. Love me some moonbeam. I never. I don't know if they were the dead. And this is only second level. And if you can keep concentration, it just keeps going. 13.

Oh, that's a fail, baby. That's a big time fail. You failed. It failed. What would be a good splinter? Yeah. Do you think a good token for it? We need it. It's pretty big, too.

Is it a 5x5 or 10 by a? It's 5. It's 5. It's 1 square. So like a little token. 5 foot radius of 40 foot high cylinder. So it's just tall. It's tall. Well, 5 foot radius would be four huge. Five foot wide.

5 foot wide radius. Is it a diameter? Radius. So it's 10 foot wide. So that's 2 by 2. That's 2. I had no idea. He's a big boy.

I thought it was medium this entire time. Yeah, that's perfect. You're all crooked move. Oh. Oh. Just right the crooked moon. Yeah. There's a guy fishing on the moon.

A giant crooked yellow and stares down at the spot. That is perfection. In this spooky Halloween town. In this spooky town of the Crooked. Yeah. I'm putting it right on there and it's going to make, it's going to take

West fighter, this is sad. It's going to take six damage. damage. There you go. That's all right. But every time it's like things.

Every turn. It does a 2D tab. What is the saved? It means if they take damage. They take half if they... Oh, okay, okay. If they...

And if it's a shape changer, it needs to roll to be... I guess we already... It was a shape changer. This is normal. This is a true form. Gosh, we have been that fucker from the beginning.

I don't know what is it? What is the shape changer portion? A shape changer makes it saving throw at disadvantage. So you- Oh, it fails. And if it fails, it immediately reverts to its true form. But we assume this is the true form, right? Yeah, yeah.

I guess it's a pervert. You got to reverse back here. As the moonbeck here, it's true form. As the moonbeam strikes it down on it, you'll see the yellow eyes of the spider glow fiercely for a moment as it shakes off the effects of the moon's beam. Oh, whatever.

Oh, I'm just going to say, Moon, you typically do better than this. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed the moon. I am just the disappointed the moon. He's just going to go get the Necrosaur to become Laboosh, the god butcher. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's very much like that. I'm afraid of now.

You will, oh, gods are dead. Let me use more action, please. Unless you're gonna layer action. Dandy, Brett, and chuckles. What the fuck? Make a Dex saving throw. I instantly fail. Oh, right.

I'm a play that. Oh, no. I have no hope. Underneath the Crookie. 19. Dex, you say, 16. I actually kind of underneath the Crooked Moon right now. We are. That's true.

Fucking bitch boy, seven legs definitely is underneath. You've got five legs officially right now. Three strands of silken shreds fire out from the spider. One flies clean over the shoulder of dandy. The other, Rhett just sinks down. The mechanical arms help it to arc just over him. The third strikes chuckles, who currently,

in his state, cannot respond. For a moment, following the same rules as before, you have 30 seconds to free him before he dies. Wait, wait, wait, chuggles, or everyone? You have 30 seconds to free chuckles following the same rules as before. Oh, my God. You may move uninhibited if you need to get to him.

I don't. I can just make a million range of attacks. I basically, I draw down, I'm on with my Phoenix gauntlet, and I just start firing off attacks. He's at 56, 56 right now. I was both hit. I was still still still with hunger.

I was in one of, I'm gonna attack. I have 11 plus 13. I've got another 17, 17, 13, 34 points of damage. You got it, together we're good. On Aurora's 12. Together we got it. And you saw what was in the temple.

Aurora. You said. Oh, fuck. Interesting. Did you reach 80? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, we-

What did you just say? We landed on Aurorais, and we reached what was in the temple. We found what was inside the temple. So he like sucked the memories out of him, or the black flash alerted the spider. Yeah, the symbiotta. Yeah. You will take 15 points of damage, shuckles.

So 30. Oh, no. Is that what vulnerable me? I'm vulnerable to all damage. Oh, God. I love this, by the way. Fucking plants. 30 points.

How did it you? Do you die? I have 11 hit points. I'm full. I'm... Yeah, your turn's coming up soon. My flower builds. I will attempt to move closer to the spider.

I know that I have to make a strength saving throw, but I have 45 movements because I fail. I got an actual 20. Let's go. Oh! That's supposed to be my attack. Hell you. I'm going to use all of my attacks and a bonus point

Sorry, I'm going to use two attacks and then spend one key point through Flurrier blows for two more attacks as a bonus action. So four total attacks against this player. Get another natural 20 right now. Yeah, I'm going to show it again. I think Aurorais is a... Wasn't that a Pokemon?

Oh, no. I was due for a miss here. A 16 is my high one, so the other one's going to miss? 16 is the AC. All right, so one of the first two attacks hits. And then one of the next two attacks hits. That is awful. Unfortunately. I wasted my Natty 20 on a shit.

thing I didn't need it for. That's gonna be six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, 22 points of damage, four of which is radiant. God, I would hate to see what happens we hit with all. How much was there? 22 total points of damage, four is radiant. As I just land, two blows. The spider web is moving, so actually I go for a kick

and I whiff because the web bounced me a little too high. And then I try to come down with another punch, and I miss because I misjudge the distance. You're learning the movement. of battling on uneven silken terrain. But even with that, throws off two of your blows

as we'll go to Rep. I will make a strength save for Hank. Oh, that might actually pass. That's like a 20. Right? So 8 DC 16? Yeah. And I'll do one for Wreck, too. I fail that one. So I get stuck.

But Hank is going to run up here. And he's going to see that I'm stuck, and he'll run and go, let's bite on one of the legs and he's going, a little bit. It doesn't look very menacing, but he will attempt to attack. Oh, geez, is it actions? No one it would be under? Yes, okay. So Hank will attack.

That is a 20 to hit. Yeah, get him, Hank. And then one D.E for a day. Fool for a lifetime. seven points of force damage from all Hanky boy and then as Rhett I'm going to

I'm at half speed I'm just gonna back up a smidge and take an opportunity attack if that is what he would like to do you have a fuck time of ACA right 21 oh holy shit and then I'm going to turn a knob on my cannon, and it will start to glow,

almost like a brighter color of ether, and the middle of the reaction gets like a darker black in the middle of the swirl, as I will make two empowered attacks from my ether cannon. Ither, ether or ether. From either can. Oh, fuck.

What of them will hit. Is this a reaction? That is going to be two. 29 points of damage with a single attack. Star Wars. Built for success.

These guys. Oh yeah, because I can do you have just one cannon blast. Yeah. Damn, so you fire out this cannon blast. It lands squarely into the form of this spider as it takes a massive blow. Where's the

bush? To the left, to the right of the spider. Yeah, spider left, you're right. I can also do this. Oh, that's fine. This is why I bring my glasses. Oh, perfect. So you can just wear them. Yeah, so you can just wear them normally.

The spider will move. Oh, and then this is the thing. Aurora's. Ice beneath the temple. What did you find? Where's he moving? He'll chitter towards, He'll chitter towards Labouche.

Is he getting out of the Moonbeam? No, he's not interested. All he's doing is gonna move straight at LaBouche. That keeps him out, that's fine. He needs to make a constitution saving throw against Moonbeam. He's still within five feet, if heck. 18. 18.

That succeeds, right? Against Moonbeam. Yeah. 18, yeah. I think our fell saves are 16, right? Yeah, all originally. Oh, you're attacking recklessly, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. Fish for some grits if you like.

You fancy it. 23 and 19 to hit. Both in. And I need you to make a strength saving throw. I don't think I'd too suited on that one. Sorry, I hate to do that. It's too late now, I guess. Hank can impose disadvantage on one of the

attacks. But you've already live the goal. Yeah, you're fine. Yeah. We'll do it next time. Give me a 15 of that. It's mandible sink into you one more time. Get off of me, what's by the?

You take 15 points of piercing damage. It then fires a silver strand up to the ceiling and descends once more. Oh my God. This is bad. This is real bad. Just straight up? Straight up.

So he's still technical. in the moonbeam. Because it's 40 feet tall. Is he 30 feet up? I mean, I mean, it's probably. How's the tall's 40? I mean, that's probably the ceiling. He doesn't full mean that the moonbeam does he. Oh. Yeah. Oh, probably.

Yeah, definitely does. Oh, no. Oh, man, this is that no-mon shot. Constitution's aphibbing throw. Oh, yeah. 12. Toot. Oh, no. How do you think it's failed?

I'm like that guy in Armageddon who doesn't get a chance to get his blast shields on and down in time. I'm being blinded in the same time I've got mandibles in me. Why don't we with me? Okay. I'm sorry if this is bad. Roll low. Oh no.

Oh no. You get 10 damage. Okay. Okay. I'm a barbarian. I can't die. 13 damage. Oh, that's 13.

That's fucking nine. It's radiant damage. So you're not resistant. Oh, yeah. I still took the 10. No, it's 13. 13. I still take an additional three.

What was your, what was your con save? 15. Do you fail the con save from Moonbeam? Yeah, I got a 12 total. Oh my time, 12 on the cons. He's hit. So as you see the form of, as you see the form of Lubbush lifted up

into the air towards the ceiling, and the moon beam begins to bake him, cook him. It's hard to tell if it's the shadows of the ceiling as he enters into the black or if this happens before he reaches it. But as the moonbeam sears him, he turns to an inky jet black. No.

As he ascends to the scene. That's like that's a civil way. Then we all see this. If you're looking at a giant spider, or something with your friend. In like Teenage Muti Turtle's arcade games, like on the cabinet, when you get a boss down to a certain HP and it starts blinking back

for it. I'm just like, oh, and more damage, right? Oh, shit. And the bush crashes to the ground this time. Oh, this whole fucking illusory place is going to turn to hell and skate

to nightmare. Because the spider starts to descend back down. I don't understand. Chuckles. What in the hail? I lived an entire lifetime I had a wife and children in the plant kingdom what happened?

Oh! It's been like 24 seconds, right? Oh, Flora, a minute's second. Little rose. Little sweet flowers. as the plants will, the pot will break, as I'll reach down and

say, no, you took everything from me. I know for you, it's the equivalent of a Tuesday for you with Spider. And I will take the part of, the shard of the potted plant and just eat it and pass catapult again.

Dexterity saving throw. The spider looks over at you and says, I don't even know who you are. I knew. You were gonna say that! This is the best campaign in the whole plan. I'm gonna cast again Project Omen on you. So add four to whatever you roll.

Nice. For damage too? Yep. Oh shit. Attack throw. Let's go. Well, actually, yeah, it's not an attack roll. It is a save. He's made a saving throw. Oh, it is a saving. DC 16. Ability saving or attack roll.

That's if he's making a save. Yeah, so he's not making a rule right now. So save it. So save it. I'm gonna use another. I thought you were hurting. Another empowered. I thought you were damaging.

I'm just, I roll damage in case. 19. Oh, 19. I'm not going to miss it. Nothing bad. Nothing happens. Totally misses? It just flies over.

I still love to roll for wild magic. It'll be fine. Does it reset once it triggered? 10? Yeah, 10 yet. It's a D12 now. The next time I'm going to spell will be a D10, the dice goes.

Wow. That's pretty wild. I love that. It is a miracle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You launch, once again, this invisible pie towards the spider as it is able to kind of just move in it. You're a little thrown off just coming out of this plant. As you pop back and you act very quickly

and miss the pie throw. And, come here. What's up? That's your boy, go to be here. Hey, y'all, it's me. It's your boy. It's your boy. I come here.

I'm here. Man, I'm really, this is, this is the business. All right, so I'm gonna hit him with the old trusty sandblast. Oh yeah. It's two games. Yeah, I don't know.

Candy's so bad. That hate bad, can't. 22 and the 12. But it always makes me feel like cute games. In a good way? Hashtag word. To hit, yes. 22 hits.

22 hits. And then it is 1 D10 plus 5. 6, 5, 11 damage. Me too. And then additionally. Healing spells. Heal and to show them. I need to have more healing spells.

And then 1 D6 piercing damage, so three on top of that piercing. So I will see, Labush having come down after being drained again and looking worse for wear and now all black. He's still Jet Black or he just flickered? Just flickered Jack Black as he went into the ceiling.

And it held for longer than before. But as he fell out of the ceiling, his gooey green form once again is shaped. My blast shield is still down. So my head is wobbling. I'm bouncing back and forth on the spread. All right. Are they, real quick, are they totally disappearing

out of you for, oh, okay. Is it because it's dark? Yep. So I have dark vision? Probably. Was I able to see anything more while he's up there? No. It is a strong, it is almost a void-like covering of black darkness.

Kind of planet look like. Damn. So sort of swirl the sands around and almost in like a, quite a commandant. Hey, baby. It's how to be more, more, more, like a board. Like a board. Like a, look at.

The sand up there with spider. Whips out of the hourglass. As it forms, as it forms around your hand and you cast it forward. The sands reach out and strike into the spider once more. And it is back to Labouche. I will stand.

I'm getting angrier and angrier. What are you trying to do? What is so fascinating about what has happened to me? What has that happened to me? And I will swing in again, and I will attempt to recklessly attack just throwing myself at this spider. At this point, I'm mostly going for the face and eyes.

I see that shine light. The moon beam being just behind them, they are glowing red, or whatever color they would be glowing. I'm sure that they're quite bright, refracting the light from the moonbeam, and I will get a... Dryy yellow. 246.

26. and a higher, so I'm going to give you... And what do you actually roll on the dice? An 18 and a 17. Okay. Do I have a chance to just shout something out quick? Sure. LaBouge, get the fuck away from that thing!

That's not a bad idea. I hear you. That's all, yeah, that's all I can do. That's all I ask you. I'll do 26 points of damage, and then I'll, like, look over at Red. and think about it for a moment. And I will stay where I am.

That's fair. That's very funny. And how much points of damage? 26. Damn, son. You'll see another tongue, like, run around over the course of my face and then she leaps back down and in. And you fired back once once with Goo Goo Missile.

As you punch straight into the spider, both fists land, easily, as it moves to dandy. Yeah. How's he looking, by the way? Oh. Thank you for asking. Roll a perception check. My pleasure.

Also, is Laboos losing mass as he's being consumed? It's kind of like it sucked up. You feel, Labush, you feel as though every time you disappear into the darkness above, you, you, experienced almost a familiar feeling where you're shrouded in perfect darkness. Wow. You...

I take out a business turret. Oh, my fuck. Oh, hell yeah. Proximity mad. However, you can hear, you can smell and you can feel, but you cannot see. But it is very reminiscent.

And as you are having the something drawn from without of you, you think maybe I would have my form lessened or pulled or drained. But it is significantly more painful when this happens. And it doesn't take from you physically. It takes from you spiritually as it pulls on something within. And what was your perception, Jack? Can I use this way? not a natural one.

He's gonna start doing a Tom for the impression. He's gonna' have been a lot. Oh, yeah. You think you... Oh. You should have gotten better dies.

You feeling... You feel in the house, Boots? You should have bought such shitty dyes. Maybe you should be asking why you didn't get better die. Maybe you should have returned my poster maker. He might be wondering why you would Drop a mind.

Why you were shot at a ball, attack a mile before dropping him 60 feet from there. With a seven. Where are you talking like that, believe? With a seven, you know at this stage, you've been in the combat for a while. You've seen Pike land several blows. Cavier has shot out damage.

Rhett had landed massive blasts, chuckles, yourself even. You've severed a leg. Dandy is hit with bolts. blasts, it is taken hit after hit after hit, and you can't find a scratch on it. Oh my God, man. I haven't perceived that yet, though.

No, it's all metaphorical, looseering bolts. It's the end. Yikes. It's the eight spider. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna lose that loot, moonbeam, gone, both concentration on it. Oh, okay. choosing to make that go away. I can, no matter what my movement is,

I can make it to Labouche. I'm just going to go right next to Labouche. And I'm going to touch Labush again. And I'm going to open up your visor a little bit. Stick my little finkies in there. And say, I want the cream of Bush back. And I'm going to cast Lester Restoration again. Same thing as before.

He's not black currently though, right? He's not black currently. Oh. No, I'm green. When he says that, I'm like flashing. Like I'm blinking for a moment. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's my understanding.

You're not totally unwell right now. I'm still a little booge right now. I mean, he's definitely unwell. I did not understand. Yeah, he's definitely unwell. You might be gathering, you might be, you might be, you might be gathering the understanding

that he is going through something. Something is happening to him. Potentially, if you're paying attention, if you're grasping when these things are happening to him, then it's clear that to a certain degree he did not come out on the scathe, and he's still processing.

Well, then instead of casting Lester Restoration, I'm going to still stick my little thingies and tickle, and then just give him a big hug. Oh. And say, I hope you feel better. I don't like seeing you on well. And, well, we'll just put Moonbean back, because that's why I lost concentration,

because I was trying to save him. Oh, yay. You may just undo that. Yeah. You put your hand into my face. There's like memory phone. Control Z. Control Z.

And then I'm gonna, it's gonna end the thing. Ooh, that's 12 damage. Nice. Very nice. And as a bonus auction, I'm going to change finally into my volcano form. Woo! Let's go, meatball! Meatballs.

Meatballs. And. Bokaneo. What? On a hit. Let's see to hit. Let's see if I can hit this mofo. Damn it.

That is 14 to hit. Twist it. Yeah, we got a few. 16 hit? That's it. That's it. Yeah, yeah. 16 isn't hit.

And then it's one D&E plus five. Okay, so there's just seven more damage. I'm gonna cast like an arrow that's gonna shoot out. No, I don't have an arrow. I'm just gonna shoot out from my palms, volcanic stuff, like fire, flame eruptions towards the spider. Sick. Damn.

That was seven points more d'clock? Yeah. Yep. It's a D-8, right? Yeah. It's the two pyramids on the homoeney. The butt. As to ass. The moon landing has occurred.

Pike I'm gonna use my last key point to make four tax To use flurry blows Okay, you're good there First two Oh man How's that's what I Twist it twist it

Yeah, let me just I'll twist each one once If you don't mind I'll read how many more we got left We have five twists I went from like crushing 20s and all that stuff Okay, that's a 16 those both both had with hits And then next two hits

One of these is gonna be a natural 20, no. It'll be three of the four hit. It's a 19. So close. Three of the four attacks hit. Six, seven, eight, nine. Ten, one, twelve, thirteen, six, seventy, eighteen. Eight six, seven, eighteen, eighteen, eighteen plus fifteen, is thirty-three points of damage. Uh, four, uh, seven, eight of it was radiant. It matters. How did you like to do this? Oh, oh, thank gosh. Um, thank Glob. I would see, uh, I would see, uh, that, you know, oh, actually, that's a good question. We do see that one that's legs is missing, right?

Basically, what I would do is I would maybe sense weakness from this thing. Maybe I can't see that it has any damage to it, but I would sense something. I would, coming from behind it, because it's focused on the l'bush, I would essentially use my swift movement to jump up onto its back. And as I land on its back, I'll land one blow. then rush towards its head and deliver two more blows to the back of its head trying to find some connection along

its back to try to almost break its neck the best that I can and deliver two final blows to the back of its head and then brace for all the all horrific shit that's about to happen. Your fists glow with a magenta light. Your legs do as well at your feet. You move deftly.

You understand this combat space. Now your feet find purchase on its legs. As you strike out, it cracks a little as it forms, as it falls slowly. You hit it a second time with your foot. You leap up into the air. You flip backwards. You crash down, straddling right behind its neck. And you punch through its head.

And you do exactly that. You punch through its head. as it starts to turn to dust and form away as you fall into the webbing as it begins to disintegrate. I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throat. Pike, you're all right!

I'm gonna start to run to him as I make this check. Hell yeah. Oh no. I may have actually failed a deck save. I fail. I got a natural one. If you've failed, you cannot twist it. Oh, okay. All right, well, I got a 10,

and I'll see if that fails. 14. 23. Miraculously. Dread. Dread? Red. Red?

Oh, me? Oh, me. Are you sure? Ooh, natural 20. Hey. Dread. So that's a 24, but okay. Oh, who's got?

Um, 19. Dread. How many dreads do you, you love them? You got, he's got a bunch. Uh, you got a bunch. Um. 11.

What? I got a 19? Dred. Whoa. Oh, 22. Who's given this guy dreads? There we go. That's the 15.

People give it, do them to use it. Yeah. You run towards Pike. You start to scramble together. The shape of this spider falls to the ground. You've defeated it. It's leg missing, your fists pounding, clean through its head as you fall forward,

thinking almost as if you'd knocked its head clean off, your strike's so powerful. You lose your balance a little bit as you tumble towards the webbing. You get a little bit caught in it. As everyone starts to scramble and move wherever you're heading to go. It's starting to make sense a little bit more now. As you see from the darkness

on the other side of the room, Two yellow eyes look out at you. I can. As silver strands of webbing, fire out. And everyone is wrapped up in cocoons. Nice. This time revealing your heads. And this time, you are completely restrained. As a figure walks out of the darkness,

clad entirely in black, except for a simple, woven cloak, tattered and formed of silver silken thread. Glowing, badass. Yellow eyes. He walks forward. I understand a little bit more of what happened, but there's one last piece I need.

And he walks over to the bush, and he stretches out a black, dark hand, and he greys, your helmet, and he lifts up the visor, and he reaches in. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Evantris and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas.

Shrout over Saltmarsh. You can also go to The Crookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tome for Dungeons and Dragons, edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. He reaches out with his grasp. He grabs the edge of your helmet and rises it up. Do I feel like I can sloop in or sloop out or like to get out of this cocoon in any way I could struggle in a strength manner, but I'm also an amorphacy blobby, juicy man. You can try. Juicy.

Okay, I will use my movement to endeavor to, if he's reaching into the, into the, it's reaching in to try and grip you effectively by the jaw under your, under your, like, you'll see my eyes and the nerves that you would typically see inside of my head sink down like a turtle into the chest of my,

um, uh, and actually, and actually like, try to like get away and then maybe a hand come out. to try to meet his and stop it. Yeah. Very just slowly rises up. The arm wrestle out of the top of the scene. I see you have had a desk job.

You are able to retract your eyes and nerves back down into your form. However, your gelatinous goo form is completely paralyzed. The cocoon is just for show. He reaches forward and grabs under the effect of what is your chin. And as he holds you, because you're effectively see-through, you can see that at the very ends of his fingers, two piercing tips, almost like mandibles, pierce into your throat and you begin to feel a familiar pull

Interesting. This guy's so powerful scary. This section completely void to me and if I try if I try and has these struggles to take something from you He's trying to pull his grip hardens around your throat and and it begins to become extraordinarily painful. You don't have the strength of body to cry out. You feel it in every inch. I don't have the vocal cord or lung, so in order to cry out, I would have to take a bubble of air

into me and make a mouth and produce sound out of it. Of course I can't scream. I'm just in a fucking mind prison of him this bitch. Uh, interesting. Interesting. Well then, hmm. Certainly. Certainly, I will then just have to take it all from you.

We can't move in a good thing. No. Can we say, are we like totally paralyzed? I think so. I haven't said this in a long time, but beyond even my powers. One by. Holy shit. Flying furniture.

Then I will endeavor to seal it within you. And he releases you. And for the first time in the last couple of days, You don't feel hungry. Oh. He turns away from all of you. And as he does, he casts out a hand,

and the cocoons fall away. You're released. I'm going to immediately try and throw a sandblast his way, just out of just pure rage for trying to hurt LeBooge. Rolled out of it. Love that.

You're going to see some bad-ass thing to him? Yeah, as soon as I think it was there. Let them roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 24 and a 26. Both hit? All right. Shaw.

Shaw. I'm stalling so you guys can think of something so much. That's right for me. Shishish on. Rip. Yeah, rip. It's... Don't turn your back on us. We want answers.

I don't know why through that. You needed that nice. Sometimes the guys have to tell the story too. Four, five and four, nine and ten. Twenty, what, sorry, five and four, nine, 19 damage. 19 damage. Plus, he will need to make a strength saving throw.

You pull your arms back as the sand swirl around your palms, like the clicking of a clock as they move. As he paces away, his arms folded behind his back. You hear it very faintly. As the sands whoosh out and crash into his back, he doesn't seem to even notice. Oh, it was kind of dramatic.

Sorry, look at Nicole. Oh, oh. The sands crash into his back. They cascade with the silver threaded cloak that falls about his shoulders. Well, this makes sense, then. Something that could pierce even my web. Can't be seen?

This will mean that we won't have much time now. And he turns back towards you. What do you mean? What are you talking about? What the fuck are you? I've had many. names. For a long time, people have called me Graham. I haven't gone by that name in quite some time. Well,

I suppose you called me grim. Just today. It was nice to do that again. Was any of that fucking real? Yes. A large portion of it. I didn't lie to you. They're discordant here. And for a long time, I found my place amongst them. I enjoyed them, but as you know

and his gaze moves towards chuckles, there are many that think that your kind need to be wiped from existence. Yeah, join the club. I'm used to it.

Well, I protected the ones here. I shrouded them. I shrouded this world. So they couldn't be seen. They couldn't be found. But something changed. Just a couple of days ago.

The magics that protected this place were interrupted, disrupted. The world is beginning to reveal itself once again. And that means the empire won't be far behind. You're saying we're responsible for that? I thought so at first. That's why I brought you here. You trailed a familiar presence. The same energy that cut through my web.

And so I reached out, grabbed your ship, and I investigated. Because what could do that to me? Power beyond even what I could begin to comprehend. So you have no idea what it is, what came from Aurora? I have a fear, but I could not see it, to confirm. to confirm. And what did you do to me?

What is this? It's hard to say, but its essence lingers upon you. I feared it was working to take control, taking over. I tried to remove it from you, but I could not.

So I sealed it within. Inside me? Yes. Figures. I think we let something out on that planet. Not us, the guy that's in our December wean's decoration storage closet. I mean brig.

Us, him, who gives a fuck? Something got out. And you just want to protect these people again? I'm afraid that that ship has sailed. They'll be walked out. Well, they will try. Why would they kill you? The empire exists in balance.

It knows not extremes in any direction. They have joy. They have entropy. They have a primal spirit, but never in excess, only what is allowed by the emperor. When humans move to excess, they are corrupted. in a manner of speaking, by the discordant ones.

It's what you see of your friend here. I look over, and I'm very clearly a corrupted humor. Yeah, so what? It's not as bad as it looks. Yes, it is. It's what you see of my friends, just above us. Well, that's really bad. I don't disagree with you there. Above? You were directly under Knightonvale.

Oh, we're under. You're in Catacombs Beneath Nightenvale. Oh my gosh. I've seen what they're capable of. I've seen countless hordes of beastmen and were taking entire battalions. And those fuckers up there, they're not gonna hurt anybody. Yeah, actually they're probably the friendliest

and most incompetent of all of the, uh, Zombie boys and spooky boys that I've seen, frankly. But it doesn't look like it. He seems capable enough. You saw what he did to us? But you're not... What are you? You're not discordant, are you?

If he wanted to kill us, we'd be dead by now. Rett, you realize that he's very close to you. He's just inhaled a scent from you. Oh. And as you look at him, you come to realize that he's standing behind you. No. You have encountered primal discordant. Yeah, I have.

And I've killed my fair share, too. I do not refer to those above. As those to be feared, I have endeavored to protect them. I simply mean that now that my magics that have shrouded this world are dwindling, you know where we are. No, I know. We're in the center of Empire space. They will detect this planet.

They will detect what they feel is the stink of discordant corruption, and they will send a destroy. And they will attempt to erase this planet. I don't have any sympathy. If you'll forgive my crassness. If they were smart, they would scatter across the galaxy like the rest of us, instead of all grouping up, easily hunted. How stupid could you? you be? They found somebody to protect them. Yeah, but then look once the protection is gone,

they're duped. But we're at fault. They're fresh out of luck. Would you be able to hold off this destroyer until we possibly find what broke your spell? What interrupted your power? Oh. What shattered the spell that I had around this world can't be undone. I can hold them off for a time, but not for a while. and I'm afraid they're here. Fuck. Quicker than they usually are. You need to get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, I'm with Rhett. There's not much we're gonna be able to do about this. Will you let us go? We won't cause you any more trouble, but I don't be on the surface once they start glass in the place. It was never my intention to hold you for long. I simply wanted to listen to your story. Oh.

I love... a properly woven tail. I will escort you back to your ship. And he begins to walk towards the exit, calmly. I follow. Yeah, same. I don't delay a second. Yeah, I take a cautious step.

E-E-E-I-H. We just run. I'll follow as well. Yeah. Given now discovering that this weaver is been protecting this planet the whole time. Despite everything we just went through

now trust him, and it looks like he's helped fight errolouche. So he's sort of gained my trust. He's helped pike too. Yeah. More than you're in there. I'll look down on Hank, I'll say. Fire up the engines, buddy.

We've got to be quick. Yes, your grace. And bark your orders. he's a dog? Oh gosh, I needed a good laugh after all that. Oh, by the way, if the empire does find me, I'm going to be turned into several pieces

and scattered across the cosmos. They're not going to find you. We'll be fine. We'll just get the fuck out of here. I'm going to get chopped, chopped fruited, if you know what I mean. I think it's the same for me if they catch me. I have something inside.

Oh, and Dandy and Kvier probably. None of us are friends to the empire. Oh, none of us. All right. Please, let's hurry. I'm just waiting on you. He says from the entrance of the cave. We go. He's already, we go.

You're boldly. Hey, you start sprinting out of the tunnel of this cave. And as you crest its opening, you burst out into the darkened forest. You look up into the sky. And for a moment, you think that the shrouded covering is back in place. You think that he's been able to work his protection magics

to reshroud this world from the eye of the empire. And then a crushing realization sets in. It is not the black void of an obscuring spell, as you've always been able to see out. It is the impossibly large form of an empire class planet destroyer. sitting above you, blocking your vision of space. How?

You've seen, you've heard of this happening before. You know that the empire has reached out and destroyed worlds that have not been in accordance with what they deem to be proper. You don't know what that process has ever looked like before. And as you start racing towards your ship, you see as certain small specks start to flood out of this destroyer, as ships head out and take place on the planet. They start to fly through the sky over the tree line.

From Nightenvale, you see gargoyles, take wing, take flight, take to the sky, large spread out bats, as they also fly out endeavoring to protect the sky. the town, the home that they've come to know, their protection shattered. Their spirit, strong in force. They take flight. They engage these ships in combat, and you're running, you're racing back to the Rhapsody. As ship, bat gargoy are crashing,

he blasts, laser, phaser beams, firing out. A bat crushed crashes right in front of you a searing hole cut clean through its chest dies instantly. Combat is exploding in the air above you as you race out. You're running through the forest. As you go, you can see in the cobwebs, Grim still moving with you. As grim or as the reef weavers?

As grim currently. But he's not running. As you move, he is just a piece. appearing in the next cobweb along your path. Wow. That's pretty fun. Is he humanoid? Is his face totally shrouded?

His face is completely shrouded. Very much like spawn, but with yellow eyes. So you can't quite get features from it, but he's shrouded all in black and he has a woven spiders, like tattered spiders cloak. Imagine a male blacker rat. As we're running, trying to get back to the ship, I'm going to turn to Rhett and also offhandedly address Chuckles and say,

I can't believe I'm going to suggest this, but Chuckles, how fast can you fire up FDL? Oh, gosh. I've been waiting to jump into the Honkwee for a while. I think it might be our only option to get out of here in a jiffy. I think you're right. I don't know what other option we have left. The alternative is better than that thing. Just be ready to do it, all right?

Yeah. Keep it in your back pocket. You don't want to draw the empire's eye to you as you escape. Oh, that's a good point. And as he says that, you've seen a small kind of blinking lights, almost like falling snow coming off of this ship. Enumerable ships have flown out to take flight over this place. until you see one larger speckled blue light.

Beam down, not beam, but crash down as it releases from the destroyer. And it crashes in a clearing just ahead of you as you race outward towards it. Right as you break through the branches, you see a massive, Very reminiscent of Labush's ship when he takes to aerial combat. You see what is, looks very much like a Gundam mech.

Holy shit. It's a Gundam! Oh, I've been waiting my entire life to pay that. Okay. You stop running immediately. I'm in front of those. You skid. Yeah.

It stands in front of you as Grim walks forward. And it says, The stink of discordant has been detected on this world. Its judgment is eradication. Well, I can't let you do that. I was hoping you would say that. And it blasts forward, this massive blue gun, I'm gonna erupts from the spot.

It cracks the earth and an explosion as it moves with full force. A giant beaming axe pulled from its back. As it crashes down, Grimm reaches up with a hand and catches the blade, but the force so aggressive, it slams the ground beneath his feet, and it cracks in a massive radius once again. as he catches the blade

giant missile cannons flip open on its shoulders as it fires out innumerable pepper spray bombs to start to coat this horse. I'm back in the tree line. We're all taking cover.

Yeah. Fuck this. I would run back to your ship if I were you. You should be able to move quickly like this. And you look down at yourselves and you're all squirrels. Squirrels?

Squirrels. Oh, I just, I bowl for the ship. Do I have any powers along the squirrel? Sure. You can find nuts. You can climb trees. I'm kidding. You have your powers.

I'll be a little squirrel, pull off my tiny little hat. Mr. With Spider, I know he had our differences, but good luck and fuck up these boot lickers. And I'm going to pull out a tiny balloon and I'll make a little balloon spider as I'll flick it over to him because I give him my last Bartick inspiration as I

Yeah I would say we know this thing We love we trust this thing And we just fucking sprinting I frantically Yeah Sprinting out of here Start sprinting towards the ship You're racing as you go

Following the familiar path You're cascading You bushy tails bouncing as you race You move to the trees You're running As you see you see explosions of combat behind you

right before you leave the clearing. Grimm rests the axe for but a moment from this Sentinel and slams it into the side of him in a broad-faced format. You'll see the cloak almost come to life as silver strands fly out grabbing ships in the air,

wrapped in cocoons. He pulls them to the ground crashing and exploding them as he fights to save this world. You race towards the ship. As you get there, you are not met by the Rhapsody. Instead, you are met by an impossibly large space whale. What the?

I get it. Get in its mouth. Yeah, I would say we would attempt to board the Rhapsody. You move into its mouth and you realize that you have stuffed up the gangplank, the gangway of the Rhapsody. This is so fucking cool. Oh. The engines war to life as cobwebs fall from your ether, your ether drive.

Everything that held you down as you race to the bridge. Are we still squirrels? Or we get word back to... Squirrels as you run through the abse. We go to the bridge. That's pretty cool. No, I like you on the bridge console having to run from one side of your muscle and then hit a button and then run in the other side of the console, hit a button,

and then run it. Use your weight to pull an entire lever down. you enter it and you know that you're in the Rhapsody. The console stretches out in front of you. But you can also see as you look out that the form of a giant space whale shrouds the Rhapsody from normal sight. You begin to take off and fly away.

As you're punching through space, you see war, destruction, and break out in all directions around you. Ships gunning down creatures of the night. Bats falling from the air. Gargoyles exploding into stone. You see off in the distance, some of the people you had come to meet

in the town of Nightenvale fighting to protect it. Amelia was scalpel in hand, trying to do what she can to drop raiders that have come to destroy all discordant. and as you fly away from the planet, you see a blast erupt from its center as it punctures a large hole

and straight into the center of the planet. You have more time. I'll take off my head. I wouldn't even be looking. I would just be so focused on steering like passing any fighters that I can see or any ships. I'll be 100% like military mode. Just focus on my task of piloting this.

And, you know, Hank will be like using his mouth to like turn knobs and using his nose to flip levers. And I'm sort of doing the same thing and steering as best I can. You kick everything into gear. You're no stranger to combat. You're no stranger to war. The things that would rattle the common person don't affect you. You are in, you are zoned off. You are compartmentalizing the situation.

Everything is chaos around you, but the task at hand needs to be complete. Pilot through chaos. You fly your space whale through all the other ships that are battling. They seem to think that that's pretty strange. But they don't take notice of you in a threatening manner because of how you present. And you're able to navigate through them. I need to roll a group. Perception check.

Oh. Me too. Or. Oh, natural 20. Oh, no. Oh, lifty, lifty. 14. Roll for Dandy.

Oh, he's the blue one. Because we're in space. We're trying to find it in 20. You're like, it's all. Oh. Well. Perception, you say. Oh.

We're a level. I don't know. Casey can roll first. Oh, yeah. 21 for me. perception check that's where you're a Viking you should have close eight to that I imagine

a six ten nine fourteen no that's funny yeah 21 am I stealing already

yeah am I still an arrella no um on the Berlin right you're punching the ship into overdrive as the Rhapsody is sailing through the sky

as you move away. You all move to the windows as you just are trying to circle out of this combat and move in any direction that takes you away from this. You'll all see the explosions on the planet's surface

as bombs go off and things start to level every sign of life on the planet. For a simple, brief moment, juckles, you have one familiar, sense, even from this distance, as you catch the faintest glimpse of what seems to be silver webs wrapping around a section of the planet. And then you see a blue movement rise up into space from the planet's surfaced. And a eruption blast emanates from it into the hole that was

formed by its initial bombing as it pierces the core of the planet and it starts to disintegrate. We'll meet again, spooky boys and Mr. a spider. I think our paths won't not cross

him. What a terrible day for space, rain. You're just crying. I was being poetic, Laboos. and tears will gush out of my as I stand there looking and kind of having this visceral antagonistic relationship with this opposite of the Motleons

and the thrill and the revelry but then realizing at the end of the day that they're basically just like me and just seeing like what the empire does to all those touched by the discord and I'll just basically just stay there in morning. In morning.

Yeah, not in silence, because I'm actively crying. With page rape. Shit. Yeah. I'm gonna go check on Rex. He might just be like, you might have got a cross. You might be dead. You know, if we...

I just like, as I finish that, I'm going to look at the rest of the gang and say, I swear if we lose this bounty to, and I'm going to turn around and I'm going to go check, I'm just going to walk off and check the brig. Rhett, you've been flying exceptionally through the chaos around you. You're able to break line on the empire gunships. You erupt out from under this world-class destroyer. and you break out into calm space. You're now free to fly normally.

Pike, as you move towards the brig, you walk through the lounge area. You'll notice that all of the large mouth, William Bass, fish have been stolen from the ship. The ukulele playing, a quagullivan of Santa Claus, Sandy Claus. Yeah, this is all for example. The sandstorm.

The sandstorm. The sandstorm. I don't like where it's gone, but this is good news. The pine needles is gone. The pine needles is gone. You move towards the brig and you tap the panel. Boop, boop, boop, pooh, pooh.

The beams come up. You walk inside. And laying on the center of the bed is an unlit cigarette. The ether shackles are gone. The ether zip ties are cut and lying on the floor. We should have let Laboose turn him into a puppet. My name is Rhett.

I'll stand there for a moment. I'll stand there for a moment. I'll let out an audible sigh. I'll walk over to the bed, I'll pick up the cigarette, put in my mouth, light it, and return back to the bridge. Or the bridge. It's an unusually high quality cigarette as you draw on it. It is particularly relaxing. As you walk back to the bridge.

If you lace it up. Is that wacky? Is that wacky? I'm going to stab. Giant meat over your heart. I am the boss man. He's fucking dying on me, man. I have a master plan.

Yeah, I just returned to the bridge to find what the rest of the crew is doing. Cool. You do so. How is Rex? He escaped. He escaped? Yep. He somehow managed to cut the ether ties. That means he's probably dead on that planet.

I have a feeling he's alive somewhere. How? All of our ships here on Zabon, on Zah, on Zahrepsity? Somebody checked the hangar. This is when all of a sudden, and I run to make sure that the sparrow is there. I immediately run to the hanger to see the sparrow is there. I bolt too.

Oh, Klop, oh, grod, oh, glab, grog, god, oh. This is going to be the ultimate mechanism. I just pull up the screen of the hangar. Yeah, this is far too important. Far too important. All right, any of the ship's missing. However, whoever wants to go starts sprinting towards the hangar. I'm going.

You race, you go down that hexagonal hallway, so familiar, you're running, you're running. The door, you don't even have to stop, it just cascades open as you move through. You break into the hangar base, skidding in the dead center of the room. You take a quick inventory, and one ship is missing. is the ship that you would normally use to make planet fall as a team? The bus. The shuttle bus.

I immediately both hands on my knees and then I look up to where I know that the camera is in the bay and say, it's okay, Rhett. He just took that lame bus. He took my what? It's as you breathe this sigh of relief.

He didn't get the sparrow. It's still here. You look at it. Just run your hand over your baby. And you see just behind the wing, Rex is tagged it. Ricks was here. You see that familiar solar elf gleam and smile.

If this was an anime, it would go back to the bridge. And you would hear me streaming. from the hangar. Yeah! Look, why are you just like, oh come down! Look, I don't find out.

I'm not. I should have left you on the ship hang. And me kicking the, I'm kicking the sparrows, wheels. Damn, that's good. So good. What does it say? He just tagged it. He just tagged it.

He is a golden star. that borders around Rexit Maxim's face. It is almost the exact same gleaming headshot from his wanted poster, equipped with the bright, white, gleaming smile sparkling at the end of his mouth. Is it photorealistic?

Is it cartoony? Like, what is it like? Oh, it's cartooning. Okay. So it's like, yeah. It's like, oh. It's radical, it's the radical Edward. Yes, exactly.

It's 100% the radical Edward tag. Yeah, but him. Did he tag my saucer? He'd stop truck and that's on. No, he did not take out of the sauce. Oh, good news, Pike. I'm good. I'm still in the back.

I'm still in that. Yeah, me too. I'm waiting. You have my saucer. I'm at my saucer. Oh, he didn't get the clown car. Oh. Yeah.

I'm just gonna hang out in the hangar. Right. Depending on how you want to handle this, what would happen is hours would pass. I would not have been removed from the hangar. You'd eventually come back and find me, and I would be in like a shitty white t-shirt and like shorts, and I'd be like scrubbing the sparrow trying to get it off, you know.

And it'd be like soap and I have a bucket. I'd be like, LaBoose, get me more cleaning supplies. It's not coming out. A hundred percent in the anime, this just cuts back to the bridge, and you are screaming from the hangar bed. And as we wrap up, the post-credit scene is you in the hangar. Scrumbing furiously. Flying to the moon.

It writes itself. It really does. It writes itself. At December we, I'm yours baby. He left one. He left one. It's a December wean miracle.

That one was also tagged. And it had like a little, you know, it was like a present to you. It was tagged. That's what was tagged. It looks like Rex packs and sick. Yeah, Flavit December. And then all the color, this is an anime, all the color would once again draught out of my face.

And I would just walk back silently into my room. Well, yeah, well, I'd say to Hank. I'm not sure, Rhett. That's what I hear all the time. Does Hank still have his purple crown? Yeah, 100%. He's still wearing his purple crown. You'll actually see, you can see now easily,

you weren't really paying attention before. You were so over what was going on in Nightenvale at the time. The emblem on the crown was a circular spider web. Oh. That sat in the center. Wow. Well, with no mark collected, no bounty to cash in on,

we do have what he stole. Oh, so knowing that and knowing what I know about bounties, would it still be valuable to bring back the key to the boss? Or would it make sense to be like, know we need to find Rex. Before we go, before we show face again. That's a great question.

And maybe if that's up to us, that's fine. I just like, like based on sort of our bounty hunting, at least, you know, the two of us are bounty hunting savvy. I think based on your shared experience, what you've been to, who Rex is, run-ins you've had in the past, uh, you would think that at this stage, it would be very difficult to find him with no clues. Yeah.

what you have are the things he stole and you know or you suspect that those were very important to the boss then you might think that returning those or attempting to uh would be a valid next step i knew i should have installed a tracer on the shuttle bus probably be worth more than the ship itself all right gang I think we just turn in the key and explain what happened. How do we explain what happened? Well, we recovered what was stolen from him. And just he slipped away.

Like he fucking always does. How the fuck does he do it, Pike? Is it like a solar elf thing? No, I'm not sure. He's just crafty. Next time we catch him out, break his legs. Wait a second. I second that.

That thing you do, are you like slip through space? Yeah, the Starlight step. You can probably do that too, can he? Maybe. But I don't know how he'd be able to cut the ether sheds. Well, I'm just wondering if maybe he does that and just the cuff stay behind.

Were they actually cut, like severed, or did they look like they were just sitting? Oh. That's interesting. They looked like they had been, they looked like they had been scorched off. Oh, that's unusual. Where they were split,

there were burn marks at the edges. Yeah. I'd guess that he had some sort of tool hidden on him. One last trick up his sleeve. Oh, right. He's forfeited all decency, and Labouche is thoroughly checking next time. All right. Dandy.

You know what they say. Easy come, easy go. I'll finally, after changing into my bathrobe, a white beater, heart boxers, and my rabbit slippers. I'll stuff up with a big... world best FTL drive Mug FTH FTH drive

FDH drive and I'll place it in the new coffee machine and once again there's my 5 o'clock shadow it's all just cinnamon I've been eating cinnamon like pastries

the cinnamon powder downups yeah and I would have heard this and I'll say you know guys I don't think we're going to be seeing Rex for a while. He got put on a bus.

We're all fucking played, dude. That's actually very funny. That's very funny. I don't think we're going to be seeing him for quite a while. I'm getting my shuttle back. One day. One way or another. But for now, Dandy, set a course to the rendezvous.

point. I'll go up and start navigating from my palm. I'll call it in. And I'll go to the computer and I'll dial up. Whoever was on the doughty to let them know, hey, we're on our way. And we have the stolen goods is what is all I will say. And you call that in. You relay that information. You get a positive for the agreed upon meeting point. As dandy plots the map, and you all settle in for what you're doing

for the rest of the night. Red at the helm, punching into space, dandy plotting the course, chuckles drinking. Making coffee. I'm cleaning the toilet because I've discovered

that Rex clogged it before we didn't. You have to drink us. Oh, son of a bitch. My body is pained. You just the last. laugh. He's his ass with the biggest son of my big ass going. All of us. Yeah, this guy really sucks.

He's right. He is a jackass. My last note was Jackass, Mike. Yeah, he is a jackass. That's what I'm saying, man. He's got no common decency. It's an animal. Chuckles drinking coffee, Laboosh cleaning the toilet. Oh, this thing's like shit.

Kavir, also on the bridge, potentially checking to ensure that you have the goods on you, as the Rhapsody punches out into deep space. And as you do this, the form of the space whale that encapsuled the ship begins to fade away as weakly thin strands of webbing

cast off into space behind you and fade into black and that is we're willing the session oh we're done, Mace.

I have so much to say it's not even funny. Thanks for on the session, man. You did an awesome job today. Not out of the part. What a session. I just can't believe you got fucking Yoda

and didn't see it coming I have a lot to say about that. I can't fucking believe it. I cannot fucking believe that, yeah. Thank you for listening to the Legends of a Ventress podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier Hire

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