Legends of Avantris - The Mighty Trunks | Ep. 1 | All-Loxodon Underdog Story: Part 1

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

Six down on their luck Loxodon find themselves on the gridiron of Fleenflel...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/OTdgb9PxI7Y?si=n00W8zFZTGBPhVHY

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. Ding, ding, ding, the Bloodhawks make the Scorpions bell ring once again. That ties up the game against the Scorpions three points against three points. We're in sudden death. It all comes down to this final round of the final game. It's anybody's game now, but there's still a lot of game left. Yes, Verit, it's anyone's game. Both teams are just one point away from winning the 41st Grand Flein-Fell Prime Material Plain

Championship brought to you by Everwood's Emporium. And as soon as you hear the King's Whistle, things are going to be decided very quickly here in beautiful Goodberry Square. Any final guesses before things kick off, Verrett? When you have great players, playing great, well, that's just great flame-fell. Indeed. Oh, there's the Herald. They're off.

The scorpions take the ringer first and are already making moves towards the bell tower where they've intercepted by the Bloddhocks frontman. That's a spell we don't see very often, but it looks quite effective. Doesn't matter. They don't have quite enough time to reach the ringer before the bloodhawks right man scoops things up, and he's looking to score it. Oh, no, denied by a very strong pitch to center mass. That has got a hot to hurt. A pitch is a pitch when you pitched, and that, my friends, was a pitch. Truly, where's the ringer now? Oh, the ringer gets absolutely demolished by the scorpions goalie, and it ricochets to their current front man. Arthur Eggamon, number 108. Arthur has been a favorite to win since game one, and has been absolutely dominating the field since he entered the legal eight months ago nine nine months you know it he

winds up to receive the ringer he's clearly looking to score here and oh no arthur goes down hard what's happened unclear you can see the pain on his face which tells you that he's really feeling it the other scorpions are looking for the penalty signal but judge ido isn't moving an inch meanwhile the bloodhawks goalie is serving up the ringer is absolutely screaming towards the scorpion's bell tower and boom goes the spell scroll. That's the game! The Bloodhawks have won it after coming back from the start of this game zero to three. The crowd is going absolutely bonkers and are beginning to storm the field. Arthur is still wham jam-jambling there on the ground there. I think he's actually quite hurt. Ooh, yeah, oof. This means the end of the championship and very likely the end of that young star's

fleeing career. It just goes to show that usually the team that scores the most, you know, it just goes to show that Usually the team that scores the most points wins the game. That's one way to say it, yes. I'm Tank Hammerfall, and thanks for watching. We'll see you next time in another four years. Incredible. Holy shit. So incredible.

I don't have no words, Derek. Thank you. Well, and that's the end of our session. That's the whole thing. Welcome. Thanks for coming out, ladies and gentlemen. Fucking Derek. Do you all find yourselves an attack?

after called the exposition. It's been a hard few weeks. Well, months. Well, years. You find yourselves in the center of the borough of Australia, the northernmost borough of the great metropolis city of Galtica. Staring across the wooden table where you are now all snugly sit, you can see your very best friends staring down at their flagons,

bruised, beaten. A group of thugs having just gotten the jump on you have stolen nearly all your and even a magical item or three. Without even enough coin to buy another round of drinks, you are each confronting the sober reality of the situation and trying to figure out what to do next. Stress is high. Your options limited. The citizens of Galtica have been welcoming enough,

but also competitive. It's been a trying time in the city, finding a place for yourselves, let alone finding the past to your greatest dreams. In some ways, it feels as though you've taken two big steps backwards since coming here. Before you dive into this role play session, I will ask you each to tell us what your greatest, most deepest desire is as a character. And we'll start in reverse.

So Maya, why don't you go first? Oh, God, I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared. What do you want more than anything in the world? Is this a physical thing? It could be any dream, achievement, some sort of successful outcome for your life. It could be family. It could be as simple as I wish that I had a pony, or I wish that I have a kingdom of my own. From great wealth to great success, it could be any desired goal.

Well, I've always wanted to turn my nifty little rainbow racket shield here into a real wagon racket and ride that into the horizon, like an actual flying mount, but I've never been able to fly. Oh, okay. So flight could be your deepest heart's desire of all things. An apt choice for a heavy loxidon such as yourself. Oh, yeah. I really just want to get off the ground and get tired of it. Ground's kind of boring sometimes. Thank you, Louise. Tootles. What is the deepest desire in your heart? I did prepare those lines.

Well, I've spent my life learning and reading and keeping a journal of all of my very best. thoughts and secrets and some spells too. I tucked the book away for safekeeping and then I forgot where I put it. And normally, Oloxedon never forgets. But I forgot. So I'm looking for my book and I'm just not going to stop. Not until I find it. The book that is, which I lost. Thank you. Gina, why don't you go ahead? You know, my greatest dream in life would beat him to divorce that two-time and no good Rudy and make-off with at least more than half of his money. But if I couldn't do that, I would at least hope that my mom could win the prices right. Ravioli.

Well, I suppose, you know, I want to rise above my post in life. I'm sick of cooking spaghetti and gabagool and galmar and muttsa-da. And all the other things we serve in our Galican restaurant, you may have heard the song by Jilly Bo, anyway. And my dream is to be a professional Fleemfell player. Like the greats, like Mickey the Jagger, Barry the Chopper, all the rest. I want to be one of them one day. That's my greatest dream. Like Mickey the Jacker?

Like Mickey the Jagger? I hear he has moves like someone. He does. He does. I got his card and everything. His wound up. Yeah, they would have heard. Babar, what lies in your secret heart?

Well, I, Babar, as you all know, my brother was a pillar of this team before he perished in a horrible, horrible fleeing fell accident. I only stepped in when you all asked me to fill in, and I knew that I could never fulfill Rabab's shoes. But, knowing that my brother is with Gigantus, Elephontus illustrious in heaven. He looks down upon me and my only goal is to make him proud.

I also have read all Loxavon go to heaven. Yancey, what do you got in your heart? Hi, everybody. Hey, hey, everybody, give it up for Bar for that tragic backstory. That's tough about this truth. He even gives you a bit of a religious message. Just great. So my greatest wish is really three proud.

I would have started the world. greatest beer company and then leverage that success to start a steakhouse and house of blues I think that's only two prongs no the steakhouse the house and blues are two separate things no what is the steakhouse and the other is a house of blues you have to diversify I'll set the scene a little bit further and you're you're all you're all down on your luck but you're all very good friends knowing each other in the city on being some of the very few, it's a diverse city, certainly, but the very few locks it on, you guys tend to click together in that way. The tavern itself is perhaps about half full, even though it's well

after sunset. There are a pair of half-elf ladies gossiping and whispering in one corner. Two scholarly gentlemen debate passionately in another corner regarding how the value of material components are determined. A mysterious cloaked figure sits at the end of the bar. A full beer sits in front of him before his intimidating shape, dusty and untouched. A group of men, merchants by the look of them, burst into the scene and roundly begin arguing over who gets to purchase the first round of sales. In the corner, a three-person band plays from tune to tune, seemingly for the free drinks that come with the gig.

What are you guys doing? So are we already on the team? Do you already have a team? You do not play Fleinfel. You're not on a team. I would say maybe you've seen a game, but you don't really know very much about it, to be completely frank. Well, I have to say, as someone who has never quite played this game before, I picked a terrible time to join all of you just in time to get robbed of all of my won't be possessions.

I am not happy. And it surely has nothing to do with fleeing flow. I don't know what that is anymore. You know, I'm sorry for leading us to down that very treacherous of dark alley. You know, map. My printed out math quest said it wasn't. I can't even my god

well you and this is your fault you said yes I saw the screenshot he had the receipt he had the receipt but he did have to promise that it was the last time

that he gets to play Gus at my table you know it's going out of the that's right that's right well we don't even have enough money for alcohol which I frown upon because I'm a paladin

do all paladins frown upon I don't speak for other pallidates. As he says that I sneak my trunk over to the guy next to me and I drink up the alcohol that's in his glass. Make a slight of hand check. Ten. Ten.

As soon as your trunk starts to feel the liquid and you start to pull in, you feel a smack. Like, hey, what are you doing, lady? I drink it up anyway. Uh, roll for initiative. No, no, no. He takes the MP flag and he tosses it at you and it bunks against your head. You owe me another drink.

I don't know you shit. You know, I've had a hard time. Go on, get me another drink. You didn't do you get to be drinking my ale? Do I look like I have any money? I got my nails done recently. Okay, that was the last I had, and then some schmuck took off with my wallet

when I started to hang out with these fools. It was terrible. And you know what, on top of that? My husband's fucking cheating on me with his secretary. I don't want to hear about your problems. You owe me another beer? You want to take this outside? Do you want to?

And I stand up and taro over him like a lachadon, heavy bosom in front of him. You want to take it outside, honey? Because at this point, he got nothing to lose. Make an intimidation check. 13. 13, with an 8, and I don't have plus zero, right? Oh, yeah.

He looks back at his friends. I'll get that ale by myself. That's fine, thanks, let miss. You got a nice ass. He walks away with his nice ass to the bar and sits next to the hooded, cloaked figure, and orders another drink. You guys seem to be left back to your own devices. So what's the plan now?

we gonna do we lost everything well yeah I mean is that last two carer which was very wonderful and very attractive by the way Gina I'm not married I never would cheat on my wife but anyways I feel like we could just steal stuff and then intimidate them when people call us out of me that would not be proper but it just worked like game luster I don't know you know it was really scary why didn't you do that me what are you talking about I didn't steal anything he offered it to me that does quite... But you stood up and scared the pants off of him. He was threatening to fight me. What was I going to go on?

I wish someone had scared the pants off of me. I wouldn't have shit my pants now. To be... At least they were brown ones. To be fair, that begs the question. We are a group of six fully grown Loxidop. Who in the hell in Daltica robbed us? It happened so quickly. I didn't even see it happened. They had a knife and we went out. After they took your weapons.

I guess I suppose it was foolish when that man asked if he could see my warhammer to just trust him like that. You know what I always say is that when someone says, can I see that? You see it like that. Oh. That's right. That's right.

Well, you know the old Trubon TV Trots.com, lawful good doesn't be liable stupid. Well. So I will say is I've never been bent over like dad since my... Oh, jeez. Oh, boy. My 20th birthday. Oh, geez.

Well, I feel sure sorry for you. An elephant or in Loxedana, I don't know, but they never forgets. That's right. If we could go to my mom and pa's restaurant, if you guys want to eat to eat dinner, they'll probably let us eat the scraps that are leftover. You know, the meals that people sent back because it was overcooked or accidentally. poisoned it or if it's anything like that Pinera place or her down the road I know that they gather all their food and they donate to those that can't afford it

yeah we could the food that doesn't get bought yeah that would be good so you're saying that we should steal that food no I'm saying we should ask for it nicely and then eat hard bread probably it's nice really super dry but we could probably soak it in in some broth yeah well I'm saying that there's probably left over half-eaten Gabagool or spaghetti or Gallamore or... I think I'm allergic to Gabagall. Well, I feel very sorry. It's very delicious. Look, I'm happy. I'm very proficient in these cooks pools.

I can make it real good for you. Are you coming on to... I think he's coming on to me. There's a lot of sexual tension at this table. All of your trunks are like really limply like sitting on the actual tabletop, just like... I don't know. You don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. The joke.

You can cut it with a little cheese knife. The sexual tension, that is. I don't know if anyone else is feeling, but shucks I am feeling you're getting hard and in my trunk and a... All somers modernism regions. This has been a very interesting week. resting week. I agree. I think

what do we do now? Let's play Sleafel, I suppose. I don't like that. What's that? As you're talking as you mentioned

Slingfell, miraculously, the door bursts open and you see a very tall Earth's genocci standing there in the frame. Huge muscles. Covered in leather.

Oh, hello. Covered in leather armor. Look at that nice. very, very short buzzed haircut. Chiseled jaw, Roman straight nose. He's looking for something, and he immediately spots the six of you.

And he runs over to the table, and he says, one, two, three, four, five, six is perfect. You have to help me off, to have me right away. I would do anything for you, honey. You can't do the right place.

How can we help you, kind sir? Do you have any food? I can order food at the bar. Oh, that would be great. We just got mugged. I would be right back. Excuse me. Just one moment's please.

Well, that was easy. How easier than go to your restaurant? He turns and he goes to the bar to immediately. What a nice stranger just getting us food? Another stranger fucked us over in the alley. Yeah. Karma really good. Some, you know?

You know what my mom always says, Lafanda's always going to bring you what you want, like a hot, sexy Janassi man? Moments later, he comes back and he's got trays filled with like the different appetizers that they offer at this tavern. In the other arm, he's got, he somehow managed to like all six of the flagons of beer and he sets them all down with his massive frame on the table. Please enjoy.

Oh, wait, we all must join trunks first. Hey! For what purpose? He was just talking about the sexual denture. I'm not sure of this milk. We must all join. Let us let us say one brief. Brief prayer.

I apologize. That means thank you, gigantus, elephontas, illustrious. I don't have a trunk. I didn't know if I was supposed to join in. I do not thrust my religion upon anyone. Yeah, except you tried to force all of us to join in on your prayer, so I guess you kind of do. Is it not very... Is it fair over you?

Can I only make my trust? Over the lips and through the gubs. Wash out stomach. Here it comes. Amen. He lets you enjoy your food for just a moment. We have to get down to business. I have a proposition for you all.

I need your help. What can we do to help you, sir? Is it okay if we start eating and talking? Please do. Is there beer? I am an enemy fleam-flail clutch. And I am here because my team, they haven't arrived. Their ship may have gone down or something.

But I need six people of the same race in order to enter the competition. Would you join me in this championship? Six people of the same race? That sounds like us. What is this little thing you're talking about? You playing on the table? Is this what? Are you going to wear those tiny little shorts?

I will be the coach. I will cheer you on. I will teach you on to play the game. You're going to wear those tiny little shorts the entire time. I only have the one pair of shorts. Okay, I'm in. What do I have to do? So what happens when you shoot your pants?

I clean the right away. Everyone says it's not going to happen, but then it does. Sometimes it just does. I can smell it a little bit from here, yes. It sounds like he's naked first. second before he changes short. Guys, I was just saying it was always my dream to be a professional flea-flail player.

I don't know anything about it. Can you teach me? You'll have to learn how to play fleen in order to get on the field and win. Well, yeah, I'm in. Are you guys in? Well, this is all very. No, I'm 100% in.

You said you're gonna wear those tiny shorts all the whole time, so I'm fine. Fantastic. Cheers! Now, hold on. We didn't get your name. What is your name, sweet cakes? Arthur, Arthur Eggers.

Yes, sure. Sounds great, I like it, I'll say it. I used to be quite good, but my injury, I can't play anymore for myself. I understand that this game can be brutally dangerous. What? What do you mean? I thought it was just like a card game or something, like poker. My brother perished in a horrible, horrible, Fleean accident.

Have you perished in a game while all you're doing is Roland Dyson playing cards? I thought you said spleen accident. Accident. No. Remind me of the name that you pick for your brother, wrote Rabab. It's Rabab. You mean Rabab? You know.

He was one of the best players I ever knew, absolutely. So what happened to his spleen? I... Oh no, someone must have tossed one of them cards into it and rushed the whole thing. If I were to accept and become recognized as a great Fleen player as well, do you believe that his spirit would look down upon me and smile? If that is consistent with your religion, absolutely. Praise be gigantes, elephontas, illustras. I'm in.

Now you have to understand. This is not just your typical championship. This only happens every four years. Because this one is sponsored by a gin. A gin who offers all the players and the coach who win a wish. Hey, hey, hey, Alamaster, that was your name, that? I didn't get your name. That's right.

It's Arthur. Eggerman, you can call me coach. That's way easier to say that how do you even pronounce that name? Where are you from with the name like, uh? What is that name? It shocked to sound like what hell of the game? I need a unanimous yes here. Do we get a really cool four year montage and do we get your name our team? We will have to pick a name, yes.

I'm gonna vote either two options. Either the Cubs or the Mighty Trucks. Both have merits. I do have a question for you though before we get this started. You mentioned a wish. If we win, we will win, of course.

If we win, can I wish both to divorce my husband and take at least to have his money and for my mom to win the price is right? Or is that considered two separate wishes? I don't know myself. If I do it without putting a period anywhere in there and it's all one sentence, does it constitute

one or wish? That is why. This is such a thought-after trophy. I understand this gin doesn't fuck around with the generosity of the wish. He doesn't screw you monkey paw style. You know, that honestly sounds great to me, yeah, and I'm going to start doing the downward dog pose. I'm so ready for this, I'm so limba. Can we wish for more wishes?

You might have to try. I've never... I have my own wish in mind. I have to win this championship. Oh, you get a... Do we have to decide on one wish? You know, players and coaches... We will get seven wishes.

one for each of you and one for me. So I will use my wish to wish you another pair of hot shorts. If that's what you want to spend it on. I'm going to use part of my wish to wish for those shorts to be taken off. It would make Gina really happy. Not a second pair. It wouldn't. Bakip, another round of eels. Look, I'm going to say I'm voting for the mighty trunks.

I too vote for the mighty trunks. It's got a ring to it. What was the other option? Cubs! And we can say Cubs will! Or we can be the mighty truck to say, go, go, go trunks. Yeah, I'm still voting for the mighty trunks. I think that's the best one we've come up with. So I like it, because for short, we can say, go TMT. Oh! TMT. Sounds like Tee, like Louie. Like Tee Mighty Trunks. Is that what you're getting at? Like TMT?

Yes. The T is the first. Is T part of the team? name, are we team mighty trunks, or are we just the mighty trunks? Are we just mighty trunks? Nobody if you see it. This is important. This is important.

When we reserve the domain name, this is an important thing. I agree on. Are we gonna get uniforms? Because you know, I love a man in uniform. And I ship my pants, I will get your outfits. There's not time. The first game is tomorrow. We only have the night to practice.

Tomorrow? Yes. How do you expect us to learn this extraordinarily complex game in less than 12 hours. I will teach you. I am a great teacher. Well, I have no doubt. I'm learning so much just by looking at you. Put me in, coach. I'm ready to play. All right. Well, you know, Alabaster Slim? I guess it's true what they say.

Those that can do teach. So I guess I'm in for you living vicariously through our great deeds. I was a great player once. Well, I have no evidence of that, but I'll be a great player. That's for sure. I will make you into a great player. You're going to play 110%. Well, that's impossible, but I'll give it 100. The mighty trunks is a little unconventional, but I think it'll do.

We settle on the name. Typically, we pick things like hellhounds and rocks and mantacourse. Things that sound badass. You know, I honestly think the mighty trunk sounds pretty badass. I think it sounds way better than that. I'll be more we're going to be, the dragon turtles. Yeah, well, the elephants. That doesn't sound great at all.

Or the dragon board. Or the dragon turtle board. I kind of like a dragon turtle. And if you had six floppy trunks in your face, you'd be pretty intimidated too. And they'd be pretty mighty is all I'm gonna say. That's right. You make a good point there. What is your name?

Me? Yes. Oh. It's... It's a pleasure to meet you to... I almost forgot, but I wrote it on my trunk. Um... And he learns all of your other names, I will say.

Hey, my name is B. Yancy, sir. And I've been trying to think of what I would call my beer company. If I keep my wish, to never look. I'm just going to call you Yancy. Well, that's not how I introduce myself, but I guess if you're going to be rude, fine. Perhaps I'll just call you by your number. Oh, do we get to pick our numbers? Are you going to give them to us?

I was thinking I would give you the numbers, but if you want to pick, that's fine. No, you can give me whatever you want. You can give me what... Oh, I do have one question before we start. So even though there are six of us, is there room on the team for my best friend and horrific outcome? I'm coming to the creature. And then you see this horrific winged creature. Oh, God.

It looks like a veal parmesan cutlet. Oh, God. When he falls for us. He's like spaghetti and like boxer and stick wings. What's in Jagat's elephant? What is that? Arthur reaches forward and he grabs it by the legs and eats it across the fucking barn.

It slams against the batches of arms. Gosponcho! I can't believe you did that! What is this an illusion? Is it disgusting? best friend and horrific creation. You have to grow up. Grow up for one.

If you're going to be a lean champion, you can't be walking around with veal cutlets that are animated in his fashion. If you were as low as me, you would be sane man right now. You're going to be a star. Oh, you're pro! Yes, I'll be a star if Casparjo can be a star too.

It's both of us who I want. Perhaps he can be like a, like, a man. mascot, though. Would a mascot be okay? I've been the waterboy on a lot of teams. He can be a mascot. If he can help me, he's part of my talent. I'm nothing without Gaspatro. You want him out on the field? Yeah, yeah. I've heard that they do mascot races after and in half time before and after the game.

And you're supposed to vote on one and then whoever, that usually they kick each other over and try to cheat. I don't think Gisapacho would ever cheat. No, I would have the cheat. I don't think anybody with spaghetti legs. Who wants the cheat? Definitely not me. I woke his Spachoyoy's team mascot for the mighty tracks. I like that better. Better than Water Boy, because if he touches my water, I think I'm allergic. What is he actually, like, mechanically?

He's an alchemical homunculus. As long as it's winged, he can look like whatever the fuck you want. So he's not like good or evil, he just exists, like he's a creature? No. I'm playing. He's like, he's like, he's a, it's a, it's a, it's a little, he's a little literally a being created by alchemy that you, that you generally out of nothing,

and he can do stuff. He can fly around. So he's not like a horrible, he looks horrible, he's not like an actual, he's not like an evil creature. He's a pasta abomination. Arthur stands up, Egiman stands up, and he goes and he fetches the body of the

wing feel cutlet that you, like the, he picks it up, he brings him back over to you. I'm sorry that I did this too. a friend, I did not understand what I was looking at. It comes back. Oh, who's that? Are you okay? It's RBSAT.

Someone gets me some mariner sauce. Hey, you know, it made me because I got my head smashed against a brick wall when we got mugged. But it's anyone that I was feeling hungry. I mean, you know, I know it's your best friend at all, but would anyone else eat gazpacho? I mean, heck I know I would. I'd have seconds and polish it off with a tall, cool, chorus. No, he's our mascot.

We can't eat him now. We all voted for you. I would never read my... This far show. I couldn't turn. Mr. Edman spent all this money on apps. I love a good app. Yeah, you know, honestly, I try not to eat it all.

I've been on a liquid diet for the past 14 years. Well, she's allergic to water. Nobody cares. Well... Hear me. If we're going to make this work, we have to be... At tip-top shape, we have to be understanding the rules of the game. Mr. Eggman?

What shape? Fitness. Athleticism. Approbaticism. Fit in wet. We have to be at our peak condition. Oh, I thought you were suggesting to fit it in somewhere. No, just to be fit.

Means to be healthy and strong. Well, and then earlier you're talking about six flopping trouts, and they took me back to my 20th I never said that That sounded like a feeling good potty My mom doesn't let me go to party I very much feel tense You can see this haunted look on Arthur

As he feels like he's made like the first Like he bought the first car he saw on the lot And he's not happy with his life choices anymore But he seems determined And he stands up He has some coin for the rest of the evening But I need you to meet me out on the field at midnight. I will teach you how to play the game, understand?

Yes, sir. Yes, coach. That's right. Can Gaspacho come with us? Gaspacho may also join us. Did you say we have to be there at midnight? Because you know that they're rerunning the bachelor on Eve. I do not know what that is. If you want to play the game, you're going to have to train. All right. Well, I guess I can miss it. I'll just devia that shit. Did you hear that? Gaspacho, we're going to be professional fleam-flower players.

They don't need. Hey, these are his adorable cat's friend. Wait. Yeah, he says that a lie. That's what they are tells. What language is that? What is it mean? I don't know.

I always assumed it was some ancient alchemical language I never learned. Oh, that's good. Hey, Gospasher, can you do a little trick for us? Uh, yeah, he will. Oh, he probably speaks Parmesean. Um, hold on. Hold on. He probably speaks Parmesan.

Parmesan. Wow. Just needed to make sure I heard you're right. Parmesan is a medical. You know, I failed out of Parmesean in Community College. Um, go on, go on this Fascho. Kill me! A globs, uh, uh, a glob of like boiling, uh, fire grease at your face.

make you arrange it glogs against the floor and you hear this little for a moment as sweet as cool he's very useful well shucks that smell delicious

well anyway I think the I think the fire of us should go get into good shape I mean I think Louise is fine if she can handle six trunks in one if I think she's greener enough

well I'm very lost well there you go Are there you having? I need you to your own devices. I have to go. He stands up and leaves. I'm going to register you in the competition, and then he leaves. Okay.

Thanks, coach. Put me here. It's mizs and his gazpacho, yeah. I honestly think that Lathander might have heard my prayer because he sure did send us to Godian angel and that man. Well, I thought he just brought over the booty shorts. What are you even talking about? I figure your gag is having really hot shorts.

My guy can do a lot of things, but honestly, I only worship him because my mom said I was on the Tindus too much, so she made me go to the church on Sundays. Oh. Tinda can be very dangerous. Yeah, no, for the men. Well, she's such a friday. I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea what to expect coming night tonight. What are we going to do to pass the time?

What time is this? I would say it's a lady, 3.9 o'clock. Why don't we go to my parents' gothic in restaurant? You know, honestly, I have to see in that weird horrific abomination. I don't want to go to neither restaurant. It's very, look at a little, gazpacho. Don't you smell great? I'm going to flap over to you.

I don't see, carnation. What is he saying? Don't understand. I hate it so much. He smells delicious. That's just the preview of what you can have at the restaurant. Well, shut down so. It does smell kind of familiar.

Where's that restaurant? It's down on 42nd Street. You know, Gino's Deli? Well, maybe. Didn't that place burn down like last year or something? I don't recall. I mean, I work there every day. Oh, no, maybe.

No, I think it's just every month I walk by. There's one of those health inspection notices. and it fails. Yeah, yeah. Well, if we're right next door, I don't think a grease fire is caught on there, but... Well, if Gisbatcho needs another serving a marinara for, you know, susten's purposes, we should definitely hit up your family's restaurant.

I think that'd be great. I think I might have left my book there, like months ago. What kind of book? Well, it's just kind of like a book. It's actually really similar to this one, but it's just another book. And I've been looking for it. ever. I think I saw that book. It was really sad.

What are the key differences between the books you're currently holding in your hands? Or your elf in appendages. Hants. Loxidon Hap. Yeah, you guys aren't just like... Are they nubs? Yeah.

Oh. We don't have... For the rest of this session, I'm just going to go like this. I was really looking forward to like that. Yeah. What are the key differences between the book and your hands of the world that you're looking for. Well, it had a lot of really important thoughts in it.

Oh, really? Yeah. What kind of thoughts does I would have? Well, they're also important. Oh, well, actually something is really clicking in my brain. That sounds like it might be a medical condition. I had that once. It was horrible.

I hope you found the book you're looking for. Me too. We should probably go. All right, let's go. Time passed. and the bar starts to empty out. Are you guys exiting the tavern? Yes.

Okay, you start to make your way through the Australia district down towards the actual port itself where you know the Goodberry Square, where the stadium is in sort of a market square of sorts. And surrounded by shops, obviously set up for the purposes of attracting patronage from people going to see the games.

This huge stadium, Coliseum, huge. stands in front of you. You explain the situation to a few guards who are posted at the entrances and they knew that you were coming and they lead you in and through. You're able to pass through a tunnel which eventually exits and terminate at the entrance to this massive field. 115 feet long and some number of feet wide. You eventually find yourself in here. You can see that these large basin have been filled with fire from some sort of magical type. It's a bright white light and it is casting light down and you're filled with a sense of awe as you walk out onto the pitch.

Perfectly pristine, beautiful green glass grass. There's line markers that indicate something. You don't know anything about the rules of this game. But you can see there standing up and looking up with purpose, Arthur Eggman, mighty form, holding a case under one arm and a satchel around one back, and he's looking up at the top, staring at these torches in sort of a pensive silence. What are you guys doing? Oh, hey there, coach. You finally arrived.

You got our uniforms under that arm. Thank you for accepting my invitations. The uniforms will not be ready for our game tomorrow, but I understand we will be able to get them to you by the next. game. Oh, we can play in the mood. Oh, we have to play in multiple games. Oh, I thought it was just the one. I don't like to be naked. We're gonna have to. We have to do it. We have to win this. We have to overcome your fears. Why don't we just play in the clothes we've got on? On with Radnoy. There is no need to play in the buff. This game is dangerous enough as it is. You would be very unhappy if you played in the buff. No, but I do think that I would be able to learn the words a lot better if I wasn't distracted by all.

your clothes. I'm leaving the clothes on. Okay, well, it's a personal choice that was probably incorrect. Hey, coach! Yes. Albert, is that your name? Eggman. Mr.

Hey man. You think just coach is fine. Okay, okay, big C, we'll call you. Um, are we gonna need trump straps? What? What is this meaning? Trap straps, you know, there's gonna be a lot of physical activity. Oh yeah, you gotta make sure you get that trunk strap powder too,

because I sweat a lot on the ear. If I'm too active. A lot of chafing action. The Loxidon thing is will it inhibit your ability to play the game. Yeah. I don't want to strap the competitive advantage up. Because it sounds like a disadvantage. The chafing is awful.

I don't really know how to play. I'm getting to the rules. First, we're talking about a bunch of bullshit. It's just. Why are you getting on with the rules? I'm thinking stuff. What are you doing wasting all that time then? I'm sorry, just a minute.

Yeah, I don't want to do what she said with the sensitive skin and the itching and I don't like it. This is the feud. He gestures around, and he begins to explain the rules of fling. And I'm not going to do it in Schwarzenegger voice the entire time. Instead, I'll explain

that the D-4s are these pillars, these pillars that are designed to in part be destroyed. When they're hit by two impacts from the ringer, which is the ball of the game, they will be removed and no longer be an obstacle. It'll open the space up as the game progresses. He demonstrates this by taking the ringer. And you can see it's this bright, glowing orange orb.

Definitely magical in nature, but it's sort of rubber-like. And he picks up a long, it's a cricket bat, but they call it the blade. And it's this beautifully, it's called Musclewood, beautifully oiled, long blade. And he swings it up and he takes a crack out it. And the damage from the hit puts a huge amount of momentum into this ringer. And it flies towards one of the towers and it bursts instantly into, into what wooden shrapnel? What's the word for? Splitters.

Splinters. Gosh, you know, I really like wooden shrapnel a little bit better. Wooden shrapnel's fine. That's English. I hope he has shrapnel. shirts. That's destructive. So mechanically for this purpose, whoever has the blade should know that it's a

finesse weapon. It's special type is that it is non-lethal, meaning you cannot do lethal amount of damage with this item. It's a two-handed weapon, and it does 1D10 bludgeoning. So write that down if you need to. The muscle

wood bat does one be what? The bat does 1D10 damage. 10 damage, and it's a two-hander. I thought you have to be proficient in finesse weapons. No. The muscle wood would be a two-hander. Well, now I wish I took two-handed fighting. Then he takes out the peach paddles.

And you can see that these are these long, these wide, almost similar to a shield paddles. And they've got straps on the back, very similar to a shield. It goes over the hand like this. And then he just sort of pumps his arm like this out. And out comes this black magical energy just searing forward. It hits the wall and disperses immediately. And he explains that these are the offensive and defensive tools of the game.

In addition to being able to use the paddle to hit the ringer, should you not have the one blade that you'll have on your team, the blade going to the goalie. In addition to that, these paddles are used by the rest of the players to knock each other prone. It doesn't do damage, but if you hit an opposing player with it, they have to make a save in order to see if they can avoid getting knocked down. And that just helps inhibit the opposing team and potentially attack you. Got it.

I think I got it. Um, do, do, do. Uh, if you ever drop your, your bat, uh, it, uh, is a warning and then a penalty. Um, okay, only attacks and spells that deal non-lethal damage are allowed during play. If you kill somebody, you will be eliminated from the competition. Um, there are other spells that are generally frowned upon, and there are other spells that are outright prohibited, which could incur a penalty shot. The penalty like area is this the squares right in front of the actual actually I'll point it out here.

So you see these blue lines, that's the team lines and the opposing team can never enter your zone and vice versa. This is the penalty line right here, right next to the bell tower, which is where the bells are. These cannot be destroyed. This is how you score points in the game. You try to take the ringer and you try to hit the bell tower. And if you can do that four times before your opposing team can do that four times, you win the game. Huh. So the idea is that these pillars are really just to slow us down initially.

Initially, they will slow you down. Yeah. I will also say that the actual ringer itself will work. And here I'll put a ringer token out. This is how we will track the actual ball itself. Okay, that is the ball. When you hit it, you do an amount of damage to it, be it the... be at the,

wow, on page three, apparently. The paddles do 1D6 bludgeoning damage, plus your strength or decks, your choice. Is that 1D10? Mm-hmm. The blades, the blades are the 1D10. Paddles are 1D6. And they also have this special ability to launch at 30 feet of this pitch blast.

Is it considered a shield? Or is it a weapon? It's considered a weapon. Okay. You can't use it to block anything, but you can use it to try and paddle the ringer or what have you. So when you hit the ringer, let's say you do five damage. That's five momentum points that will actually go right into the ringer,

and it will move 10 feet for every point of damage that you do, and it's going to ricochet like a motherfucker around here. If it passes by you, if it passes by you, you can take an attack of opportunity as a reaction and try to hit it. it's AC equals its current number of momentum points plus 10. So we're going to be leaving the math to you. We'll see. And I don't know how elegant or fun this is going to be.

I just made this shit up, so we'll see. Did you say we have to destroy the pillars before we can't the bell tower? No, it's just friction to start the game, but they're just all right? It's going to bounce off them. Okay. Yeah, it should bounce off them. So when you, when you hit the ringer, you can choose where it goes pretty much, but generally speaking, it'll go like 45 degree angle straight right 5 degree angle from where you're hitting it um and there will be

a lot of people in the field because there are six of you and they're going to be six of the opposing team so there's going to be a lot of people able to take attack through opportunities cast spells on you you can cast spells on them there's a judge who can blow his whistle and say that's a penalty shot or that's right out or what have you um i think those are all the rules that you need to know do you have any questions can only the person with the blade hit the ball or anybody can the ball with the paddle or blade. So the blade is the goalie has the blade. Yes.

Right, but can anyone hit the ball regardless of whether? That is correct, because you'll all be equipped with a paddle. Right. Got it. Including, and you can toss the blade to somebody else if you, or pick it up from somebody else. I do have two questions. It's the best. The one of us have to be our goalie.

Do we have to choose a goalie on our team? I think that you should pick one to start and we'll see how they do. And then on top of that, can you explain to that? Can you explain how we play this game? Yes, I will. I just did that. Why, you are very confusing. I know, and I'm going to go into Downward Dog again.

Well, I guess all that's left to do now that we know the rules is get a quick 80s montage. And we'll be experts. Yes, we'll do the montage, put on the tiger music. How big is the ringer thing? Does the goalie stand in front of it? Can I people? The bell tower is just that five foot by five foot square. right there. The goalie can stand wherever they want. You can get hit by the ringer or you can try to

dodge out of the way. Sometimes it's good to get into the way of the ringer to try and prevent its movement and maybe prevent someone from scoring, for example. Can you like use your reaction to prevent someone from scoring? Absolutely. If the if the ball comes into any of the adjacent squares, you can use your reaction to take an attack of opportunity against it. Okay. And is using the bat or the paddle in action? Yes. Okay. Thank you. Yes. Can, if we have a class features, as if I was a monk, to use Floria blows, can I continue to bash that? You can pound, yeah, I want you guys to do a, this is an indestructible ball. Be creative.

Be creative with how you're hitting it. Yeah. And, oh, I have to show you my playbook. I have my playbook right here. If you take the help action. Yeah, I'll get you. If you take a help action next to one of your teammates, you can give them advantage on the hit. doubles their dice if they do have.

Oh. So the help action now has use. The help action has always had use. I will happily show that next time we play farewell, I'll use the help action in a way that's going to be. You'll see. I'm a big believer in the help action now. Thanks, Zee, Basha.

We're all on the ground. We're all on the ground. Oh, one of the limitations is no flying. That is a rule in the game. Well, that was my biggest dream. Perhaps you can enjoy flying. flying outside of the field. Raviole, did you hear that?

I did? Wait, so not even my horrific abominable alchemical creation can fly? I would have to talk to Judge Idou for about this matter. I think it'll be okay because it's part of your class and I don't want to discriminate against you as a DM. Well, I mean, it's fine. If that's what you want to do, just let me know. Ravioni, that's wonderful news. Mechanically for my, so I can understand how to judge this, how does he, is he like a, a loomie and he's on your turn and he gets to take actions in his job?

So basically he has his own deal. He shares my initiative. I go, then he goes. And he can, he has 30 foot flying, but he can. I think it's basically like a summon, right? Yes. And if I were, if I were, like, if you were a druid and you're like, I'm going to conjure whatever, I probably wouldn't squash that either. So use them how you would use them. That's fine. Well, even if his mozzarella just get knocked off, he could always spaghetti across the ground. Other rules are like... I didn't know that it was a verb. Anything's a verb if you verb it, I guess.

Can our size and Loxidine improve the... Or I guess, make it harder to hit the ringer because we're like... We're medium creatures. No, I'm not going to take your size into it. No. No. There's only certain things that we're considered large for, and it's things like carrying capacity, like, you know,

shoving, or medium-sized. Okay. Any attempts to ring the bell without using the ringer by hitting it with the actual ball of the game will be a penalty on your team. And any ability to try and magically manipulate the ball aside from hitting it or using spells on it and stuff like that will also be prohibited.

So like if you have, I think like, levitation is a spell. If you tried to stop it before it could reach like an opposing player, that would probably be frowned upon. Well, just ask. I would say the best thing to do would be asked before you try to do something. Just let me know and I'll be very generous with questions like that. But if you just dive into a thing and it doesn't seem like the spirit of the game, then I may penalize it, which means the game pauses, we reset and the opposing team gets a penalty shot on you.

Is it just from preventing it from hitting the ringer? Like, can we use spells to like move the ball and different like around the rest of the field? Yeah, if you want it to like if you have, say, Flame, for example, and you wanted to launch a flame at the ball and do a small amount of damage to it, that would put momentum on it and it would go sailing. It magically floats about four feet from the ground at all times. Okay. Does it go higher and lower? No, it would be very difficult to hit it up. It would be very difficult to ground it. It seems to be compelled magically to just... It's very quiddish. Just hand wavy. So you could sacred flame it into the bell? Yeah, yeah. If you had sacred flame, you'd be able to use a spell. It does damage.

against it. If you hit a player nearby and on an imposing team and you've accidentally killed them, then you'd be eliminated from the championship. I have a question, Mr. Eggs. How can I have to just coach is fine? It's an excellent question, so don't worry. I understand why you'd worry. I will worry you too. Anyways, if we kill them, are we going to get arrested for murder? Or is it like an occupational hazard?

Not in Galtica. They're very kind here to the... the players who accidentally screw up in this way. But in some city states, the punishment for shooting it, Flemn Fli is even worse than murder. Well, Chucks, I guess we won't cheat. And now the bar, I used to think it was silly

that your brother got horribly killed in this sport, but now I buy it. It's very dangerous. I think we're playing with our own lives. Thank you for finally understanding the severity of the situation. I do. And I really, it's a thrill

that I haven't felt this I was a teenager a teenage Lachshadom my trunk finally growing in I think I've explained all the important things that exist in this game I didn't really think about how to explain it before I sat down and DM to this session now I will have to go I'm going to continue to make sure all the arrangements are made for tomorrow's game and I have to find out who we are playing by looking at the racket which should be in the morning. You can go to the usual place where you enjoy free room and board

as players of the game now that you've been entered into the championship. Oh my. Well that is fantastic. Thank you, sir. That must have cost you a trunk and a leg. I, uh, no. It comes with, don't worry

about this. And then he turns and he starts to make his way, having picked up the paddles and everything that you guys will have, I'll say that you all practiced trying to take shots and everything. You guys tried to hit the towers a few times. You did okay. And actually, why don't we make a group performance check to see how well that montage went.

You need a montage. 13. 13. It's a performance. I still got it set. Ooh, 19. I'm kind of good sports ball. I got a 14.

I got an 8. With three successes, you just barely match. This is the scrappy rag tag team that starts every movie of an underdog sports story like this one Yeah, you do okay. It takes a little while for you to get used to the fact that the Hitting the ringer like you see it almost like stops you when you hit it and then all that force is transferred into the ball and then it rockets forward with the the momentum that you that you that trying trying to hit it while it's flying very difficult you find especially the faster it's moving its AC seems to go up based on how fast it's moving as it passes you and And yeah, you guys eventually find yourself back at the very nice hotel. You guys are all sharing a room at the usual place, which is the name of this inn.

The usual place. And it seems that the sixth floor has been exclusively boarded off and that all the teams are enjoying the many rooms at the top of this inn. You don't see any of them as you pass through the halls, but you do understand that behind each one of these doors or six other players. or six other players all sweating and stressing about tactics and the coming games of the week next four days. Oh, no. Walking through this hall is like torture, my undercarriage tingles knowing they are hunky men in every single one of these rooms. How do you know? What?

I can feel the heat. That's how I know from her undergare. I mean, I guess I don't really know looking at these schmucks we got with us. They could all look like them, but I feel like we're probably going to be the worst of all. themes. I don't know. I got a sneaking suspicion. We're going to be real good. I think we got a chance to win. I'm with Ravioli. It hasn't been since I started becoming a follow of gigantus, elephontes, and I have felt such purpose in my life. And I can only hope that Rabab looks down on me with joy. I like to be the goalie if that's okay. I think that's fine. I have no objections.

Well, what are your qualifications if you don't mind me asking? And even if you do by me able to ask it anyway, because from what I can tell, all you can do is handle about six trunks at once. What does that have to do with being a goalie? No, I feel like that's a pretty good accomplishment if I say so myself, but... Well, like I'm saying, isn't a goalie supposed to prevent things from going to do a hole and not the other way around? With my permission, I would let... Look, we all know here that she's the best one of us juggling a lot of balls, so let's just put it in the net and let it deal with it.

Great. I have no objections. Maybe we should scope out some of the other teams. Oh, should we like sabotage and like do a prank? We've already discussed that she didn't. I'm going to walk up and I'm going to knock on one of the doors. I meant to be friendly. Roll a, that's a moment.

Where did I put that particular sheet? That's a very interesting question. I know I should have it in front of me. Ah. Yeah. Oh. One chair. What's a little better?

Why don't you just roll a D20 for me? I got a 13. You got a 13. Okay, the door swings open and you could see a bunch of monstrous orcs all standing on the other side of this, of this, they're as tall as you are, huge muscles, even larger than eggaments. What do you want, puny, elephant creature? A V5-4, fom. I'm smelling the blood of some sexy orkmen. Do you bring the drumsticks?

I don't know what you're talking about. You playing Fleen tomorrow? We will destroy you in Fleen. Are you going to sweat glistening in the sun? We will dominate you for grump. Oh God, I'm really liking where this is going. I don't know what a grumpch is, but you can dominate me only long. Last time somebody said dominate around Gina, I was cleaning the carpet for a week.

That's true. You honestly probably should have scrubbed. it for a couple more minutes after us. We will see you on the field and he takes out a tiny little do not disturb sign and press it on your fucking doorknob and he slams it in your face. You know I think that honestly went really well

if things don't work out between me and Rudy, I think he's probably up next to my third husband. How does having the bat I imagine as the goalie, right? You have a bat? So how does it work with wild shape? It would become one of you. I suppose

that is the case, yes. Great. Thanks. I just want to know if I would drop to bat if I wild-shaped at this case. That's an interesting question, and I obviously can't think of all the possible permutations for how this game could possibly affect, which is why I'm the DM making these calls right now. I would say that like a piece of equipment, if you were holding a sword, it would become part of you. So, yeah, that's what would happen to the blade. Whether or not the judge would consider that to be cool or not, because the blade should be on the field of all times is teed it. Dibbid. Given that information, I know you said all that in your head. I'm not sure you're going to be the best choice to golly.

I agree. I'm glad I'm finally vindicated. You hear that, ma? I was right about something once. You know, honestly, I think at this point we should get to our rooms. I think what I said about we probably going to be the worst people on the team. I think that's true because I don't know if you were looking at them, but they were ripped. Hey, you know, that was kind of fun though.

Big Ork came out and he pushes religion just like my old pal, Babbar. He wasn't talking about religion at all. He was talking about sexual experiences. Oh, is that one of Grumsh is? Oh, I was... Oh. You know, actually, now that I think of it, I'm thinking about, in my early 20s, I experienced the grump. She was very pleasant.

I'm going to beg, bang, bang. Hey, friends. Are you banging on a random door? Roll a D20. 20 The 20 That fucking dice He's about to get grumptched

The door opens slowly with a creak And on the other side You see this creature You've never seen in your life It's a snake-faced creature And you can see that He's tall

Very very muscular also But his entire lower torso is itself like a snake Yes Oh my God's Bianci! Get back! Hi, hey, thanks, Barbar, but no, I think he's, he's not evil. He's just misunderstood and also grotesquely hideous. Are you going to get, you know, I actually know the name of a great speech therapist if you need one.

My name is B. Yancey, Zer. I do not care for your name. I do not care for you. Good night. What's your team name? Wait. And the door's my name. Hey!

B. Yancey. Please don't assume, make me out to be presumptuous, but maybe you're not for the best person to be advocating for speech therapy. Hey, you know, I get my point across, and at least I don't sound like I'm an evil, dark, lord, super villain. Is that where you learn to start every sentence that you speak with the word, hey? Hey! That's very offensive. That's actually a local dialect from where I come. It's a family heirloom.

It boils down to just this one thing. We're doing all of this in the hallway, you schmucks. Let's get to our room, okay? I got to put on my face mask. These cucumbers in my pocket are getting warm. You make it back to the room and sans any other interruptions or desires to sneak on the other players.

You enjoy the benefits of a long rest. Oh, wait, hold on, hold on. I can't sleep with that white noise. I'm real sorry, guys. And I'll take my chef's tools out and I'll take a spatula, and I'll tap, like, the, the lamp next to the store. And then all of a sudden, it just starts constantly emitting, like, really loud, like, like, the back of the, back of the restaurant, like, kitchen sound. Like, like, fucking team, like, shouting, random shouting, like, hey, orders up!

And it's... Yeah. Let me see if I've got this just a minute. Oh, my God. I don't know why I did that. Thanks for understanding, guys. I really appreciate it. Gina did smash.

Do we have... Perfect. Thanks. How am I supposed to sleep like this? Thanks for coming, Graham. What? I said, how am I supposed to sleep like this? I think you're saying good night, Gaspacho.

Anyway, good night, Gaspacho. Kill me. You all go to sleep with this, that level of sound. What? I love these machines. It reminds me of a relaxing day at the beach. I'm just going to pull up. All right.

You enjoy the benefits. You wake up. It's 6 o'clock and I hear this urgent knocking at your room door. I'll get up. Oh, hey, good morning. It's Arthur Eggman. standing in front of you. Come in, come in.

Have you gotten your rest? Are you all good to go today? No, but make yourself comfortable. We're still waking up. All right, I brought scones. Oh, thanks. I've had a scorn since my 20th birthday party and I closed the door on. You need lots of carbs before the big day.

Oh, is that what they're called? I take the score for them. You're very confusing creatures we've lots of done. I also was able to get some racket. We are playing the ball. We are playing. flame skulls I've not heard of them before this but I am convinced that we will be victorious in our if it's against them pardon me coach but how much time do we

have before we need to get ready I must pray to gigantus a lafantus illustrious how long does that take it won't take very long excuse me can I write our name well that was very pleasant I also have a morning routine if you don't mind I I need to just practice my cooking alchemical utensils. And so I take my spatula and I bend it a little bit and then Gospacho's like, Yeah, me. And then you'll see in front of me another exact copy of Gospacho appears in front of me. And like, oh, hey Gaspacho and the other one.

And if you already have a macula, you listen to the first one immediately dies. This is spicy. That is disturbing. I don't care for it. Could you do that in private from now on? What's wrong with it? I just make, this is just because Bacca likes to refresh every morning. I don't want to spend every day of my life listening to someone beg for death.

Can we eat him now? Um, I mean, I never tried. I guess you could. Can you guys keep it quiet? Can you guys keep it quiet? I'm over here trying to watch the days of the days of the day. trying to watch the days of our lives, okay? Sharon just cheated on Jimmy.

It's getting real serious. Oh, did she? Oh my god. Like, censors the hourglass. These are the days of our lives. Oh my god, I got a place in bed over here for you, coach. He hops in. Oh, wait, what are we doing? We have 30 minutes before the game. Get off, get up, get the rest.

I want to try dead gazpacho. Is that okay? Well, he's not dead. This is just new gazpacho. I don't think he's dead. dead. It's all gaspacho on the ground. Well, that's just like, he just, you know how like we kind of recharge every

morning? That's how Gazpacho retouches. Well, is there a dead gazpacho that I can consume? Well, he's not dead. That's like, I think if it is like a snake shedding and skin is how I've always assumed it work. I just want to know if it's edible, and if it'll bring me good luck. No, he's, look at him. He's made his spaghetti, he can feel parmesan, and, um, mozzarella sticks.

That sounds like dillicious. And I go, I swallowed I'm sorry You know that prayer reminded me of my routine I gotta get my nanny pot And I

I pl out of want And I Hurry up, we have to go The time is now Oh did you bring us our uniforms I told you they would be done out In the first game What am I supposed to wear

You want me to get in my Victoria's Secret sexy sports bra I do No I do not want us to be eliminated from the competition You know? We have regular clothes. Where was you wearing yesterday?

But what if I drip on it? Do we have to wear pants? There's a lot of talk in the community. Usually a shirt is required, but pants seem to be optional. No, no, just for you. Keep us. Pants and some sort of armor is good to have to protect yourself from the elements of the battle. Did we lose our armor in the mugging?

No, I wouldn't say that. You lost. Thank God. You didn't lose his clothes. All right. Does anybody want to join me for breakfast? Do we have time to go by Lulu Lemon? Because I need a new pair of pants if we're going to be playing.

We're the first game today. We're right up without 20 minutes. Just let me know they're busy. No, I know you said we're getting our uniforms after the first game. Which is right now in 20 minutes. I'll eat on the way and I take out my alchemy jug. I'm going to start out. I'm quite cool from dead gazpacho.

That really is to say she. Which tasted like everything and had flown through the entire day. So actual garbage. It's like kind of cold and yeah. Yeah, it's corin. So yeah, I'm drinking mayonnaise from the jug. And I can produce two gallons a minute, I think. That's honestly horrific.

And I'm going to go over to the ice box and going to take out like three cubes of ice and cut them in half. And then I'm going to eat them. Okay. All right. Well, I forgot about your... So let's go. I forgot about your diet. You gotta shut up. I have a real question for Big C, the coach.

Big C, I like. I like it. I have a real question for you. It's a very simple question. Are those scones gluten free? What is gluten? Glutton really disagrees with me. I think that I might be joining Tootles in the brown plant. You can have one of my oranges.

Do you like fruit? That's disgusting. I'm Lachydon for Gatsin. I think mayonnaise is gluten-free if you want. want some. Oh, Chuck, that's out great. There you go.

Oh, nice. As long as you're, okay, I think we're ready to go, coach. We have 10 minutes. Let's run. Let's go. Let's go. Eat our stones.

You know, if he summons a new the spotter or that would be nice and fresh, you could eat dad instead. I'm surprised you didn't offer Louise any, who is very well at handling two gallons. Thank you for because she ate his friends. Oh, God. That was a sex joke.

I know one why he was lying. Oh, you like mayonnaise? I didn't know you like mayonnaise. You like mayonnaise? I like anything at two gallons a minute. Gigantus elephantus pharynx. You make your way down through the catacombs of this Coliseum, the left turn, a right turn. Arthur seems to know exactly where to be going,

and eventually you find yourselves with two double doors, similar to the entrance that you found yourself, when you were originally coming here to train, and you can hear the murmur of a crowd outside the door. Oh God, there's an audience. You can hear... You can hear... You can hear the sound of drums.

You can hear the sound of celebration. You can hear the sounds of the arena emanating and pushing their way through this door. And you can hear the sounds of the magically augmented and vocally trumpeted sounds of the voice of the announcers as the game starts to get underway.

Where are uniforms yet? You promised us our uniforms. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high scenes, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror toome for Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra goodies like dice, minatures, plushies, the tarot deck, and more. Thank you.

Welcome back, everybody. To another great Grand Fleenfell competition. We're brought to you once again by Everwood's Emporium. Tonight, this morning, it's the first game of the first day of the Grand Fleenfell competition.

That's right. It's the first day of the first what he said. Uh, introducing our first two teams that we'll be playing today is going to be the, uh, uh, the mighty trunks. Uh, and, uh, they'll be playing the blood, uh, the, uh, the flame skulls. Uh, that, that is correct. Uh, the flame skulls seemed to already be making their way onto the field and, uh, looking down, I, the doors don't seem to be open. Oh, they're opening now. Let's see the, oh, and then that's when you suddenly see the doors open as the, as the, it's perfectly in time with the voice. Oh, no, I think this means we gotta go.

No, we have to go. You have to go. I will be cheering for you in the stands. Okay, you just watch and I just start strutting. I'm wearing, like, tiny little Lulu lemon pants and an incredibly, like, too small sports bra as I just start strutting my way out. I have a little pink bow attached to my hair. We're our uniforms. We can't wear it out there like this.

After the first game, go get out. He told us we'd have uniforms next game. This isn't good. Gisbantzor also has stage fright. Give me. You see? I told you. I've already made my way.

Yeah, you're like, you're doing this, right? Right. It's okay, Luis. I have problems with listening comprehension as well. Is the crowd like cheering? You walk out and you turn and there's like six people in the crowd right now. It's not like waving banners. It's the first game of the first day. And nobody knows who the flame skulls are or the mighty trunks.

It seems that you have no fans at this time. This is the moment where my brother looks down on. me and smile. Your brother will look down on you if you don't wins this game. Go! Oh, coach that was so... You're a pretty sick burn, let's go. You all make your way out under the fields. I need you to position your bottle caps. Who's who? I'm familiar. Why don't we...

I am the shark. Yes. And let's take a minute. I'm going to say my... This is Mike. This is Nicky. This is Maya. This is Mike. No, I'm this guy. Oh, you are?

I think I know. Okay. Well, then we have D.B. and Bud Light left. Oh, I do Bud Light. Yeah. Would you like the flamingo or the devil's bag? I'm a devil's backbone man myself, but I could also be a little pinkie today. There we go.

That seems odd. Am I, am I the goalie? You are. Yeah. We need a bottle cat. Is this, which side is our side? Yes. What did you want the shirt?

Whatever is more convenient. Wait. Didn't we say that while shaping the blade could get us disqualified? Yes. We have to have somebody else. as a goalie. I mean, I don't have to wow shape. Yeah, true. I have 30 HP. We got a lot of games. Why don't we just try it?

Let's see how she does, and we can always fire it from the position. We can all even judge it before it's very ruthlessly. Okay, but before we do this, this is our best game. You can only start behind your own, my fault. I've already forgotten what coach's called. We need to rally ourselves together. We need some kind of cheer, so let's all put our trunks in and do it. I know. The cheer of the mighty trunks.

What's our cheer? I don't know. I don't know. Nancy, what's our cheer? I think, okay, because, hey, it meant you say, trunks, trunks, trunks, trunks, trunks, trunks, trunks. Trunks. Trunks. Trunks.

Trunks. Trunks win. Trunks win. Trunks win. Trunch. What are you? You guys start to chair, and there's one guy with a huge, wide-brimmed, hat out in the out in the stadium.

So fuck yeah! And he's like, yeah, funk! All right, yeah, fucking flops, we'll do that, yeah! So are we ready, are we gonna do this or not, or do we just do it, I don't know? No, so, oh, we just... On the count of three? All right, all right, all right. One, two, three.

Trunch! Trunch! Trunch! Trunch! Trunch, wait! Oh! Why don't shit. In the glory of gigantes, and Lafantz is elustrous.

Oh, I peed a little. It's very cohesive. Honestly, I don't think anyone noticed we didn't practice that. I think everybody noticed that they didn't practice that chair. Look if it dies. Nothing is known about these two teams, which explains our small crowd. I hope our sponsors don't get too angry. Again, brought to you by Everwood's Emporium of Exotic Effects.

Thank you, and come again. Let's, we're looking at the judge. He appears to be readying himself for the, coming whistle and everyone seems to be getting into position. I think that we're almost ready to play. Yes, it looks like we're almost ready to play. That's when you hear the King's Whistle. I need everyone to roll for initiatives.

Yes, I'm so nervous. Me too. I don't know. My initiative's zero. Hey, I got an 18. It took an hour and I. It took an hour and I. It was like your brother's ghosts.

died in your hand. I can only hope so be Yancy. I can only hope so. Be Yancey, sir. If only I can find a name for my future beer company. You look across the field, by the way, and the flame skulls, as intimidating as it might sound, is actually a group of cobalts. All of them wearing exactly identical paddles and the same bat blade that you guys have

become familiar with, but they're standing there. Looking tough, but looking like, you know, a little weak in comparison to your few forms. Come on, he's libel. The whole evil? Lawful evil. I will crush this team with the might of gigantes and Lafantus illustrious, non-violently, though, because I follow the rules. No, no, you can be not lethally.

We can encourage violence. It's in the rules. All right, yeah, see, what do you got? I got a 16, ladies and gentlemen. Babar. 18. Ravioli. I got a 13.

Gina. 11. Toodles. I got a four. Louise. Sex. All right. Let me just quickly.

She said, did she say sex? Sex. Now's not the time. That's completely wrong. It's always a good time for sex. Is it just because you're nervous and that's how you get your nerves out? I mean, I won't stop you. If that's how you work.

No, I think it's being. I think it's because coach looks like a cold drink of water. Or actually, kind of looks like the I can't believe it's not but a guy. Derek is so deep in thought right now. Sorry, I'm doing the initiatives. Hey, I guess they're cobales, they're little fellows. You can probably take out even more than six. I'm canceling one of my decisions.

It's just a nightmare of role initiative for each of my dudes. So, oh, okay, that's going to be fine. All right. That'll be everywhere. one. I'm just going to run them all at the same turn, if that's all right. Yeah. All right. That means that we're going to go... The song as that doesn't give me a huge advantage.

I don't see why that's... I think it does give you guys a huge advantage. But then to all go at once? Yeah. Oh, I thought they gave them a huge advantage. I mean, we'll find out. By the way, it's all of them and all of us. Right. So it'll balance. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes sense, I guess.

That does make sense. Let's all go together. Yeah. It's like a turt-based JRP. where there's usually like a 1,000-year-old dragon that looks like a little girl or something. The ringer is on the center tower. It's floating just above it. Like that one? Yeah, you can say that it's on the same space, but put it there for now.

And then, Babar, you're up. Okay, so just so I can understand what happens here, if I were to hit this ball with my paddle, and it were to do a shitload of damage to someone and hit them, them. I'm not disqualified for like... It can only do non-lethal damage. Okay, so I can't kill someone with the ball accident. All you can do is knock them out. Are these

supposed to be all flipped up at fours? No, it's two hits and then they're out. Okay. It's a three strikes. Oh, shit. So if I move up to the ball, I can't make it there in one move anyway, but if I move up to the ball, it's a, it's a tackleable

even though it's above this. Yeah, it would be at a height that you would be able to smack it. It's almost like a T-ball. Um, you know, for little league. I'm gonna move up here and that's my turn. Is that walls and stuff? Yeah, that's walls and stuff. Yeah, that's the conclusion of your turn. Yeah, I mean, like, there's really any point in getting deep in the enemy territory?

I could dash. I don't know. This is the first time I played this game too, man. I'll use the dash action and rush at the Colvolds while screaming prayers to gigantes, which sound like this. If they look at you and they're like, They seem to be shit talking a little bit. Yancey.

Hey, it's O.B. Yancy Zern's turn. I'm going to make my mom proud. Please be proud of me, ma. And I'm going to dash, to run forward. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Because I'm a monk. And I am going to attack it. And if you do this is my standard attack business.

AC is temp. Great. Oh, that's gonna be a 22 to hit. That hits. And I do 1D6 plus just 1d6? Oh, the front man is running up. He is taking a swing at this thing. He slams the ringer.

It is going- It's 1d6 plus your strength or decks. That'll be a 10. 10. All right, so it's going to-oh-should. All right. Can I use my off-hand attack as well? Yeah.

I would say that you hit it, and it starts whipping around in a big circle, and then you're going to be able to elbow or trunk it however you want. All my own arm strikes are going to be with the trunk because I'm a drunken master, so I pull out, I pull out a nice, a biller live, and I down it. Yeah, I just didn't know if I'm like it. You hear a whistle and a guy with a car come down and takes the beer from you and leaves before you finish your ride.

I'm a hair. I'm a trunking master. I stumble up to it and I'm smacking with my truck for a hot separate. It hits? No, the first hit, you did 10 points of damage, so if AC would be 20 now because of it... It's got momentum. Oh, well... So you do not hit it fast enough to get it with the unarmed strike.

It's already sailing forward with your initial hit. I think... Wait, if it does a low lot of damage, it don't kill this Cobalt right now. No, because I just... Oh, I mean, I knock him out, like totally obliterate him. Oh, absolutely. Where would you like to aim? Well, I would have used my...

Like, spend the key point to put two more trunks and do it. Okay. Shit, that's gonna miss. Yeah, well, pretty high, right? Oh. Fuck, that's gonna, I just, I'm gonna. You're whipping around trying to do all this stuff, but you, the first hit, it was so reactive that it just soars forward. But where would you like the ball to go?

I would like it to go, I guess just straight down the middle. Yeah, fucking go right down the middle, yeah. Okay. Okay, I need someone to control the ringer, so it's going to go, uh, tell me every 10 points because that... A 10 feet? Every 10 feet, yeah. 510, 50, 20, 25, 30, 35 is the first guy. So it enters his attack at 30, which means that the AC is now 17, and so he's going to use his reaction to try and knock it out of the way.

Uh, with a 16 to hit that's going to miss. Oh, it smacks him in the face, and it's going to hit him, which does a certain amount of damage, which I have written down here. That's fine. I hope he has the same HP as a co-bo. Okay. Do, too. Her goblin.

He's a gov. It actually ricocheted directly off of his face and comes directly back towards the other way. So we need to go another 10 feet. We need to go another 140 feet. Is that how that fucking works? No. It's seven points. So it was, we're at 17-HC.

So now we need to go 10 feet to get to 16. Go 10 feet for me. Yep. Then 10 more feet to get to 15. 15. Yeah, and then another 10 feet. It's going to hit the pillar. It's going to hit the pillar.

It's going to hit the pillar. So that will... One moment. It's going to go left, directly left. Your left or mine? Towards you. 10? 15.

That's 15. Thank you for keeping track of this. It's going to hit that. That's going to go diagonally down and towards me. So towards Maya. Yep. That's like 15. 15. That's 30. Yep, it hits that. It's going to go to the right now towards Kelsey. So we went 30, which would be 11, this is 10. Yeah, and that's where it finally comes to arrest. Okay. Thank you. That's a lot more complicated than I thought it was when I wrote down that rule.

We'll get that. We'll get better on it. It'll go quicker. You said it's two hits per pillar. Exactly. So now it's been hit both of those have been hit once, which means that they will eventually be destroyed. So I was just going to put the... You can keep them at two. Yeah, exactly. That being said, there was definitely enough energy to knock out the player in the front row. So he is unconscious.

That's what I'm over for now? Is he in the way of anything? It just wham! And he just went down like a sack of potatoes. That'll teach you the best with the traits. We're biting! That's the conclusion of your turn, Yancey. Ravioli, you're up.

Well, uh, um, real quick. I'm going to imbue my bat with a plus one plus one. You have a paddle. Oh, paddle, whatever it is. I'm going to imbue it and make it plus one plus one. Um, I don't know if that's against the rule, but I'm going to do it anyway.

You have the bat? Yeah. Oh. What do I have the blade? You have a, no, you have the blade. I have the paddle, but it's so a weapon, right? Yes. Okay, so I'm going to imbue it and then you get a plus one plus one, and it doesn't toss anything.

anything. And I am going to... You said it's range, it shoots out? It's ranged. It's 312. Okay. I will... Oh, I didn't realize that.

Okay. I am going to... I thought I had to be in melee range. Oh, yeah. I didn't even burst. Yeah, I fucked up. Sorry. One, two.

Can you just move me... Like, it's just right up to it. Yeah, there. I'm going to attack it. Okay. I will note that the ranged attack isn't going to be effective against the, because it doesn't, the actual...

That's okay. That's what I thought. Doesn't do damage. Okay. Okay. But the smacking away paddle in melee range that makes sense. But the blast would do damage to a pillar? The pitch only does damage

to humanoid creatures like the cobales you're fighting. It's just to knock them down. It's not supposed to do any damage. He said it's a 30 feet range? It's a 30 feet range up to 120 feet, but beyond 30 feet it's at disadvantage. I'm going to hit it with a, so it's a 9 plus my decks, right?

10, 11, 12, plus proficiency. Yeah, all of it's been up because I didn't want anybody to be punished for picking streaks over there. It's a 15. Oh, that hits. It's a 10 at a resting state, so you hit. Okay. And it's a 1d6 plus...

It's a 1d6 plus, yes, but you're not proficient with it, so don't add your proficiency to the attack. Oh, then it was a 12th. still hit. So it's a 10. And it's a desex, right? So three, four, five, six, seven damage. Okay, so you add seven points of momentum where are you hitting it? I guess

diagonally. So the first thing it's going to hit is going to be 1530 to hit the pillar. Okay, it enters the attack of opportunity for... Okay, so that's a 25. Yancey, do you want to take an attack of opportunity and try to smack that forward? Go for it. I guess I'll do it. I'll do this. How many feet had gone?

21 and a half 23 and a half 23 and a half give a take so for every 10 feet it would go down by 2 so the AC is 15 right now that's gonna be an actual 20 ladies

so do you crit like you normally win yeah okay so you've got 2d6 now so that is 6 plus 4 or no no that is yeah it's another 10 another 10

smack it with my so another 10 so that adds on top of its existing momentum which is currently 15 making it AC 25 and rocketing it down the middle you can absolutely yeah yeah 510 15 20 25 30 35 30 35 40 it enters 50 or 48s all right they're gonna try to hit it um how many feet did it go 40 10 so it's an AC is 21 yeah four sorry it hits uh remarkably This cobald, he holds up his paddle like this and it smacks down. He almost falls down, but sure enough, he actually manages to stop it and send it flying. He's going to...

Do you return the camera? Oh, yeah. It's a 21. I'll stick to the fucking ball. Can I pass this? Or if you can put it in the corner, maybe an angle at you can get the whole map. All right. He does four points of damage to it, and he's going to send it diagonally towards you, sir.

Set's going to be 510 and then 15 would be the pillar. Okay, so it hits the pillar, then that is going to be a scatter die and it's going to head diagonally up into the towards Rich. No, towards Rich.

Oh, sorry, Rich the player towards the player Rich. Set's 20, 2530. It hits this wall. Then it bounces against it bounces normally against walls. It's the that cause them to go random directions.

So roll for that. It goes directly north towards the screen here. This way. Yep. That's going to be 2530. Yep. And hit this corner. Hits the corner, bounces back and hits the column again.

It's 40. So the pillar's destroyed. Yep. And then it's going to continue on towards me, directly towards me. I should have north-south-east-west. 60, 70. 70.

So that brings us back down. to, it's still got another 70 feet to go. So it's going to bounce back and forth. It's going to ping pong. 80, 90, 100, 110, 120, 130, 140. And it comes to rest right there. Oh, God, I'm a divination wizard.

Do you get a hit? Yeah, you would have had a hit. So you let it bounce back and forth because it reduces the momentum and makes the AC easier. You intuitively know that this is an advantage. 100%. Now I'm taking a swing.

Now you can take a swing at it. He said one D. What's the attack? What do I have to roll to hit it? Dex or strength? Well, let me use my strength. And Ravioli, what are you doing with the rest of your turn?

Why it takes this? I'm going to use my bonus action to tell my homunculus to do something. So I guess I need a little token for him too. Oh. I only have more bum lights. Oh, yeah. I can give you a guy.

Derek has a bunch in his thing. No, wait. I've got it. He's got it. Or I can do one of these guys. I got it. It's a penny. A penny, perfect.

It's very Ravi. Jolie-ish. Oh, sorry. Don't you be a gazpacho? Do you hit? That's what I'm saying. I don't know what's the plus on it? It's 10 right now and you're not proficient, so it's just your raw decks or your raw strength?

That's only going to be a 3. Okay, so I got a 7. That misses. Alright, I miss. Right. But that's just my reaction, right? Yes. That's right.

The ball is already winging around the field. It is truly remarkable to see these new players in action. They're doing very well. cobales have barely gotten out of the field and they're already screaming into aggressive posture. What are you doing with your bonus action there? So what can range attacks do? Range attacks, if you can do damage to the ringer, then it'll hit it for the same amount

of momentum that you would have a melee attack. Okay. So then, so he can go 30, so three, so put him here, and then, dun, dun, dun, he can't Hit it. Can he attack turrets? Can he attack pillars? I would say only a ringer could attack him. Okay, got it. He'll send his turn there.

That shouldn't be disallowed, but I'm going to disallow it because I didn't think about that before this session. Okay. Cool. Done. You can do it. Well done, yes! And then they're going to take their turn. The one closest to Andy is going to run up and try to take a swing at this thing. All right. and just a natural resting 10.

He hits with an 11. And an opening too. That's going to be, Boop, boop, boop. Five points of momentum, and he's going to, he's going to hit you, sir. He's going to hit it into you.

So the ball comes flying towards you. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. That's not good at all. Breed to your god! Say it. I got a two. You got a two. You fail, and so you take the five points

damage where it currently is before it bounces off in a random direction. My arm is worthless. Oh boy. I picked the wrong character to play this game. I should have been a Lockton on Rogue. Which would have been hilarious. You sneak up on the wall. I didn't think about it until after we already started. It would have been funny to just be this really long. So you take the five points of damage and then it goes directly towards you.

Oh, okay. Yep. Like that. 5, 10, 10, 50. And then bounces back and hits you again. I need to make an additional dexterity saving for. 20. It's a 14. 14 passes because it is 14. You meet it or be it. You're able to dodge out of the way and it continues going in the direction that it was going in for another 30.

30 feet. Right behind you. Oh. No, you mean an additional 30 feet? Yeah, an additional 30 feet. Right. 10, 20, 30. Yep.

And that's where it comes to rest. The next guy's going to run up and he's going to... That's that at 48? Yeah, 48. He's going to run up there. And then he's going to get around to the pillar so that he can sort of get access. And he's going to stand right there. Can you get the other dude?

He's just going to stand there. Can you get the other dude into the slot right behind the gentleman you just moved? Why are they all going at the same time? Because it's easier. They're monsters and it's easier than me rolling initiative for all of them. Okay, gotcha. He's not, that guy's going to take a crack at it because he's going to enjoy pack tactics, which is what Kobol's do.

He is going to hit for sure, and he's going to... Thank you. He does four points of damage to it, and he's going to send it screaming into the column that's closest to Rich's character. Yep, that one right there. 30-5? Ravioli?

And it's going to go five more feet towards me. Yes, if Ravioli wants an attack of opportunity, he can take it. I'm not within 10 feet, am I? Or 5 feet? Ravioli is going to 5 feet. No. Oh, Gisbaccio.

Oh, Gisbacho, sorry. Can you get Spacho take it? No, you can. Okay. No, he doesn't have a gun attack. Then it comes to rest right there, and that is the conclusion of, actually, here, I'll just swing around. 77 and 2729.

Yeah, 77 and 29 take a more defensive posture, and they're going to go here and here. He's unconscious. He's unconscious. He's unconscious. That's unfortunate. it. All right.

Question. Yep. Can we score points from these squares coming in in a diagonal here? Like, so just,

I'm going to move him. He was blocked here, block, block. Can you score points at a diagonal or does the whole thing have to be clear? You can score points

in a diagonal. I had an opening. I'm so mad at myself. I can't believe I've missed my stupid dumb elephant fingers. That's the conclusion of their turn. Gina, you're up. Oh, no.

Mama, this one's for you. May your heart beat strong. Stop being all those carbs. I'm gonna run up. Come on, Gina. This year? Yeah. Look her ass.

I'm gonna run up. I'm gonna run past the thing. Oh, no, I'm not gonna touch that. I don't do the sport shit. I'm gonna run right over here. And I'm gonna look and I'm gonna turn around towards ravioli and towards Yancey. And, uh, oh, Lefanda, thank you so much.

Here you go. And I'm gonna cast. enlarge on both of them and I'm gonna use a sorcery point to twin it so they're both in large. No way. Do you have large tokens? Oh, we don't see this very often, but I imagine it's quite effective. Looking at Judge Ito, he's not moving his hand towards that whistle. It looks like he's gonna allow it.

Ah! Your side doubles in all dimensions and your weight is multiplied by eight. Oh god! Increases your size by one category so you're now large creatures. If there isn't enough room for the target double size, I'm a big cell! within the area regardless. Give me mine. You now have advantage

on strength checks and strength saving throws. Nice. And your target's, your weapon attacks have an initial one D4 extra damage. Nice. Holy shit. Okay, boys, do handle it for Mama. One has to wonder if she learned that spell because she was dissatisfied with her husband.

All right. Some people have to wonder that. Exactly right. I know I should get a show about myself. They're absolutely right. And that's my turn. And that's the conclusion of your turn, Louise. Truth. Louise.

I'm going to move up here and use my bonus action to cast healing word at a first level on my buddy. What's your name? Barbar! Barbard! Barbard, not the first time. Just the second time. Okay, Barbar. It's just Barbard.

Babar be Babar. You take five points of healing. Hell yeah. Thank you. And then I'm gonna run back to my goal post. And how do you, do you do like can't trip only with spell, spell things or do you allow two spells for an act? Whatever the advantage rules are. That's one.

So you can't trip in a spell, yeah. I have primal savagery, which is a malign attack only. Oh, maybe I could. But I can't, can a goalie get out of the line? Yeah. Let's see that was 5. 1.5, 2.5. 2 and a half.

2 and a half. 3.5, 4 and 1 half 6, yeah. So if your spells as a bonus action, you can still attack. Yes. I got my action. You still catch two spells in one turn. Exactly. Is that? So what happens in this form where if I take like the Dodge action and something's barreling towards me?

Is it still a disadvantage? Then you would be able to move out of the way at advantage? Which we don't really want our goal of doing. I just mean like We should have picked the different goalie But like if it hits me Because it hit me at disadvantage Or

When you When it comes at you It flies at you with a DC equal to its current momentum And then you have to either dodge out of the way Or decide to stand there I don't know if the dodge action Makes sense in this case You want to attack it back

When it comes to your level's the space The first thing you're going to do is use your reaction To try and hit it And if it misses then maybe throw yourself in front of it because you do not want to getting that bell power. No, I would do that. I would do that. I'm just trying to determine, like,

since I don't want to leave the goalie post, what would be best? Just risk you. Yeah. You're not ready for paddling anybody. You could hold your action, and, yeah, I'm not sure what you should do. Can you hold your action to, like,

if I wanted to gain momentum on it, like use a reaction to hit it and use my action to hit it again and try to hit it harder? That's a good idea. You could ready an attack action, and if it comes close to you, you would attack it and you don't use your reaction. If it comes back at you, you could use your reaction to also attack it again.

Let's do it that way. Let's do it that. I will hold my action for an attack action. And I'll go back. The triggers, if it comes within range, you could. And you take five points of healing. Got it. Thank you.

Yeah. That's my turn. Uh, Tootles, you're up. Oh. Well, we're seeing a very highly tactical move. They are spread all over the place. Let's hope. Let's hope that they know what they're doing.

Well, I've 40 times bigger than you stupid lizards. I always think the cold ones are the birds. They both start with the cave. That's very offensive. Kenku. I always get them abused. Gotcha. Well, if you stay in one place, you won't be moving.

So. Very wise words from our wizard, but not a lizard. So I'm going to hit, I'm just going to hit it with a paddle. Oh yeah just weapon yeah Oh yeah I was like regular attack look and it is in the DC's 10 plus dex or string yeah oh boy it is like quiddish and thank you Oh 18 hits she got it was resting at 10 so you hit so do damage now we're hitting it with the paddle so it's gonna be a 1d6 plus decks or strength

So six all right so it's gonna go uh 120 feet. No. What direction do you want it to go? Oh, um, I want to just hit it. I'm going to hit it straight. 120? 60 feet.

It goes 10 feet per point. 45 it hits the pillar. 45 it hits the pillar. Let me roll. You can take your reaction if you want. Oh, yeah. So it's 48. I'm going to, I'm actually going to take my reaction as it flies passing.

Yep. Go ahead and take it past. So that's at 20 feet. These are five feet, right? Where are you? I'm gonna hit it um like like because you you can wait for either of those three spots to hit it so I want to hit it here I think that's a half it's a half a difference how do I want to send it as far as diagonals and stuff yeah and I want to hit it over here I want to hit it over there so I want to hit it pillar yeah yeah what's the DC oh it minus 25 feet whatever it was 10 it got up to 16 so it's now 14 I missed I missed okay so it's

continues. Yes. Swing using the reaction. Forty-five, it hits the pillar. Okay. It enters this guy's at 40, at 40. He'll take a swing at it. 35, it enters his space.

Thank you. He hits. That's so hard to pick up a D4. Thank you. Yes. A little fucking here. Oh, wow. Max damage.

So he's going to do six damage, sending it screaming back directly towards you, Tootles. It's going to fly towards you, 10, 20. Well, Gina gets, oh. I'm going to hit it. reaction. Oh, I've used my reaction. You already had your reaction. So swinging back towards you. 35. At 30, he's large.

It would be his reaction. Oh, yeah. So you know, you see what are you. I think he's here. Tell me, me. Yol-ie. I'm there. I'm there. So this would enter me the reaction. Get a lot of big.

25. Or you could wait for it to get here and then hit it. While the DC is lower right here. What's that really? It would be one lower here. All right. This is 25. This is 30.

Yes. 35. The five is wartholes. I'll do that, yep. So minus 30 from the DC. Three from the DC. Thank you. That gets this down to 17. It's a DC. AC is 17 right now to hit.

Okay. I will attempt to hit it. Yep. Nope. If it continues flying, make a dexterity saving throw or choose to stand in the way. Or she gets an attack. She has a reaction. You have your reaction. You can use your reaction.

So try and hit it back. 17 or take the head I don't know if there's a strategic what's the momentum left on it Yep, it's the 17 oh no it's still seven it moved five feet okay so no Oh so I'm gonna try to hit it back Natchezzao you gotta get it up too well so roll your damage oh that's right two D six this is two D six again no one more oh two D six yeah high is a crit plus whatever nine 9.

2. Yeah. 11 points of damage. Which direction? I'm going to hit it straight into this pillar. That's insanity. Oh shit. No, I don't want to do it because it's going to hit it again.

Well, no, it'll just go crazy. This guy already uses reaction. Yeah. That guy would still have a reaction. It's going to be crazy. It's going to be high. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally ascend it towards the pillar. And then the pillar is going to go anywhere. Yeah. It's going to ricochet. It might even kill. It might even kill 48. It needs to go 180 feet. 180 feet.

All right. So bear with me here. Yeah. 16, 15, 14, it enters 50's reaction area. All right, so, oh, it does, so he'll take a crack at it. Didn't he already use his reaction? No, 48. The other guy.

Oh, 50. How much? So it was 180 minus 50 is 13. 130. 130. 130 to 5, so it needed 23 to hit. It misses. So it's going to hit the tower, which sends it flying diagonally right towards Maya.

Into the other... Into the cobalt. It smacks the back of his head. So that's another 10 feet, which is going to be... Knocking him out. 140. Yeah, knocking him out. Woo!

And then it flies directly left again towards you, and then it flies directly left again towards you, sir. Oh, no. 130, 120. It enters my... No, I'm not. So I'm going to react. Right?

Yeah. Is it a new round? You haven't had a new turn since... No. Oh, no, no. You've already used your reaction. Mya hasn't done yet. So, Megamette.

So, Megamist. So then it's going to be 110.11. 110. 10. Is it slowing down? It's 110 still. It's at 110. I don't think that you make it. I think that it hits you. 40, 30, 20, 110.

So I'll take what? How much damage? What's the DC for? The DC is equal to its current momentum point. Which is, what, 21? Yeah. It's a lot. It's still 11 over 10. Yeah.

So, yeah, 100%. So how much damage? The same amount in damage. Five. Okay, then which way does it bounce off my face? It bounces. It continues screaming left. Oh, no.

That's going to be 190. 90. So make another dexterity saving throw. It's just battering into you over and over. I fail. Five damage? Take another. To get that just protect me.

It goes past me. It hits you again, ricochishing towards me this time. Straight down. That's going to be... Oh, my own eating. 70. So I need a 17. You're missing all.

Gigantus. Fuck you. It hits me again for another five. Oh, no. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I have a lot of health.

I'm good. I'm down to 16. I'm good. All right. And then it goes... It goes up. Towards the TV. That's going to be...

That'll be north from now on. Six, five, four, three, two, one. zero and that's where it comes to an end because he would have already reacted as well yeah yes okay that's the conclusion of your turn unless you'd like to do anything with your bonus action or uh

let's point out of the DC's determined for momentum I'm having a hard time I don't have anything I can do so so when you hit it if AC is at 10 like it's it's resting right so let's say you hit it and you do five points of damage now it's AC is 15 dodging out of the way is the same DC it's 15, but every 10 feet that it moves, it goes down by one.

So Kelsey crushed it for 13 points of damage that puts it starting like 23 AC and, you know. It gets harder to hit as it's moving faster and it bounces around a lot obviously. And that was always my points, my objective. So I'm glad that we're seeing this ridiculous mayhem.

Thank you for bearing with me. I got you, bro. That being said, that is the conclusion of the round. But bar, you've got a turn. Hey. Fuck, these little pricks. Uh... Where do I want to hit this thing?

I'm trying to get strategic here. So I take my lumbering paladin form, elephant form, and I run around this pillar and I'm going to try to attack it here. All right? And I want so bad... An unusual move from number... Oh, they don't have numbers. Uh, uh, that one, that one there.

He's about to hit the ball. Watch him. Go, watch him. Come on, you can do that. As an action. can imbune my weapon with positive energy. For one minute, the weapon is considered magical. I can add three to the attack rolls.

It emits a bright light for 20 feet. So I'm just, I'm gonna use sacred weapon to imbue my paddle. We finally have, the mighty trunks finally have their first fan. We haven't talked about this, but if you use the twist of fate to hit the ball, it'll auto max damage.

Oh. Just at my eye. Okay. Am I good with sacred weapon? Yeah. On my paddle. Yeah, yeah. He's imbueing his ball.

weapon with magical energy, we've seen this a few times. Gigantus elephontas, illustrious. So majestic. It's going to be a 19 plus a lot. Plus like six, so 20 something. He absolutely demolishes the ringer. 1d6 plus my strength. 1d6 plus your strength.

That's going to be max damage for nine points of dance. All right, let's do it. And I'm going to hit it in an angle for 10, 20, 30. Bing Big For him

Jesus bless me There goes the ringer That's one point For the mighty trunks Oh no Trunks Hey Maybe we should all

Become religious You got a pamphlet For Gigataphicus McGigiegler Garlo I've got a minute To talk about

Gigantus All I got to say Is that that ringing sound Really got to me The sound reverberates And even though the crowd isn't huge. Everybody is on their feet, clapping and screaming. The couples look immediately

disheartened by this information and you can hear the announcers coming on the speakers, for like of a better word. Wow, what a great first move by that young new player. Once again, the bell has been rung. Every bell as you know newcomers may not know. Every bell is sponsored by one of our many sponsors. Norse foundry! In this case, it's Nome Depot for all your advancing needs. Nome Depot. And yes, I have a list of 22 sponsors. All right.

That's perfect. You would. Well, they're going to do. Everybody's going to reset, and then we're going to make our way. It takes about a minute to reset all of the items. So everyone goes back into whatever starting positions you want, and we are restarting. Pillars, too? Totally new initiative.

Holy shit. No, not the pillars. No, not the pillars. Thank God. Not the pillars. The pillars last for the whole game. Oh, how long are they Gigantic for? Only a minute.

All right, so it'll fall off. Yeah. Do we want to be just like in the exact same position? Oh, you were like back here hiding. Are you feeling frog? I'm feeling a little bit. Can you put my dudes back in their configuration as well? The ball is here.

We've got, we can all scoge down a little bit here. We got Ravioli and our dudes and Gigantus. Let's get ready to run out. Are they doing the same formation? Flying day? Yes. Oh, do they get awake again? Do they get awake?

Yeah. People run out and they cure wounds and get them back up to full strength. And you can hear a lot of talking. There's a lot of massage oils involved, that kind of stuff. So everyone resets the points too? Nope. Nope. You're only like brought back from unconsciousness.

So I sell 16 health. Oh yeah, we're still finding the flame skulls. Oh, no, someone definitely runs up and gives you a medicine check. Oh, you hear that? Somebody definitely runs up and gives you a medicine check. You heal for nine points. Oh, yeah. What the fuck?

Nice. I can do this all day. Great hustler, everyone. And I'm going to go and give everyone a firm smack on their butts. It's not sexual harassment. We're on the same team. I read somewhere that's common in the sports. I mean, I guess this is okay.

It's a shine of camaraderie. Don't forget gazpacho. Oh, Gaspacho. Oh, my hand is covered in marinara. A white swish. You'd hear the coach Eggerman from the stands, well, Don, I knew that you could do it. Keep it up.

And, uh. That's the king's whistle. Let's see who's going to take the ball this time. Did you ever wonder who the king is? Nice. All right. Um, Yancey. Oh, oh, I got a, I got a 14. 14, p'bar. 15.

Ravioli. 14. Tina. 18. Tudels. 20. Damn, Tudels. 13.

Alright. My secret calling. Spleen. Yancey Ravioli, who's going first? I'll go first. Yeah, I'll move a second. I'm be Yancy. Don't forget we have the place to say.

Thank you that all of our power. You know what they say? Be rooting. Gina, you're up. Be chutin. Be kind, but most importantly, be Yancey. Isn't, didn't Tootle's going to try. I'm sorry, Chuddles, you're up.

Oh, I go first. Yeah. Oh, I go first. Oh, kr. And I can. No. One second. One second. One second. One second. One, two, three, four, five, six.

Your speed should be 30. Yeah, I know. You ever run. Oh. Oh, I forgot. A good idea. I'm not on my room 10. How does the puck handle saving for us?

I would treat it like a creature and maybe it would actually, I don't know. It's a case-by-case thing, but I genuinely would think of it as a creature for the sake of most ability. Like, for example, I figured if someone was playing a rogue, the sneak attack of text specifically says it has to be a creature. And I was like, yeah, but taking sneak attack away from a rogue in this context feels bad. So why not rule that it's a creature? I don't know. What do you want to try to do? I'm looking at something that.

No, I thought that was a person. I was trying to cast something on it. It would probably just fail. You can cast a spell out of a thing. You can do. Oh, I can get the ringer with rings with my phone. Okay. But no, no, no, no.

With the spam. No, you can't, you cannot use the paddle at range on the ringer. It won't do anything. Oh. But you can cast a fireball. But you could, yes, you could damage it with a sweat. I could have a head. Oh, or like a chill touch.

You could do the under one. Yeah, you could do that. That would be within range. Yeah, okay. So 510, 15, 20. Do you want to. There, yeah. So I'll cast Thunder, Wave.

Thunderwave. Oh my goodness, ladies and gentlemen. We've seen this one before. It's a classic. It's a safe. I used to be able to do it. It's going to make a con saving throw. It fails.

Excellent. Okay, so what I don't know how to deal damage. You do 2D8. The normal damage. 2D8. It also gets pushed back 10 feet away, so can we add 10 feet to them in? Push the 10 feet and then the momentum will take home. Holy angry ladies ladies gentlemen.

What direction are you pushing it in? Oh yeah, you should decide a direction. Do you want to push towards the peeps? Uh, yes, so where does it start? It starts here, so yeah, I would just want to hit it. Just drill this guy if you don't. I want to hit it right up in the middle. So 10 feet back.

To move it 10 feet towards them and then she'll grow on that down it gets exploded times. That's nine. All right, we go right. So nine total. So it's going to be eight, seven. It enters its range. range, 85's range. Okay, at 7 it's going to attempt to hit it back

and it's going to fail so it gets knocked unconscious. It bounces off his face. Directly back or different direction? And then it's going to go wow, where did I put that? It's going to go directly back down towards the center column.

Six, five, four, three. It hits the column. It hits the column and then it's going to go north towards Nicky. diagonally towards Nicky. Two, one. Yep.

And then zero? 210, yeah. Wow, this ball is already bouncing everywhere. The ringer is doing exactly the work that it's intended to do. That's the conclusion of Tootel's turn, unless she wants to do something with her bonus action. Gina, you're out. Oh, just like, take the reaction. I'm going to move.

When you're, what are these things? You can see through them, right? Okay, so I'm going to move up to there. and then I'm going to cast fire bolts on it okay I will it's not a disadvantage thing right

it's a I have to make a no I attack it oh it's an attack roll I would say it's going to be a disadvantage those are intended to be like walls that are part of that's why I just asked I heard you but I didn't feel like I could get the answer out in time it is a wall that is part of the stadium like

okay so then I will move over and then move down and cast fire we're still large right or no no two three three, thorn, uh... Because it's 120 feet, so I'll be fine as long as I can be a point like it. Yeah, you can see it from that. So you see that it flies in this other direction, it's...

Coming down to a slow's point. You hit this that hard enough, you might just score. Uh... Ten. 22 to hit it. Nice. That hits? Fuck yeah.

So if you hit this hard enough, it might sit right fast all three of these dudes. Uh, eight. Alright, so it enters the first one, one at 17 and a half, which is 18. Yep. Oh, yeah, 100%. 18. He's going to get 17. He misses.

Next guy's 17. 29. He'll be a black star. Natural 20. Oh. So that's going to go. He's still really good unlucky and it could just ricochet fucking in there. You can choose where to hit it, right?

No. Right, but he doesn't have a lot of options. He's going to put 10 on that and he's going to hit it diagonally back the direction that I was going to So that's going to be, hold on. So 10 more, we're left off at 17. We're at 17th hour, 27. So it's going to be 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21. Fuck.

What the fuck. 20. It enters my range. I'm going to use my reaction. Yes. 20. 28 feet. No good.

So it's going to zip past me at 19. And enters Yancey's reach. And enters Yancey's reach. I gotta do it. It's a 19 to hit. Wow, it's really screaming. 18 and a half, Maya's reach. Holding actions doesn't count on the rest.

You were holding your action last round, but you're no longer holding your action, so it's a straight, different combat even. This is it. Reaction, and I'm adding my strength or my decks. I will add my decks. This is 18 and a half. Natural 20!

Yes! I'm not really. I have the bat, so it's 2D10. Yes, it is. Yes! The flame skulls asked a question, and it seems like the mighty trunks have the answer. One.

Set it back the exact same way. Four plus, what is it? Dex or strength. You want to go to the same direction? Yes. Six points of damage. Total? No, that's okay.

So that's 18 and a half is going to be. Did you add your strength or next? Yeah. Okay. I rolled a one and a three. So it's 24 and a half. Let me get it. Which direction would you like to send it?

The same direction it came from. I'm not trying to tell you how to take your turn. Yeah, we can do same direction. Okay, 24 and a half. 24 and 24. 24. 25. Sorry, 23, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 17, 16.

It's got it. 15. With a goalie. So 25 DC or AC, or AC, 50 on the goalie. Thanks for the bit 20. With a plus four to hit. A three.

The mighty drums are absolutely crushing it. She can stuff holes and she can block holes. That was yours. That was yours. Roll out long be 20 for me. That's why I'm not a poet. I don't know. A two.

A two. This bell ring brought to you by the true resurrection agency. Our day starts when yours ends. I start twerking up against the rigor It immediately demolishes The truck's win Trucks win! Trucks win!

Wow, the flame skulls don't even have to move from their position They were so laxadaisical about the beginning of their round I see the minutes are coming out to unconscious To conscientify that gentleman who fell down Yes, they weren't very effective that game I hope that they actually get a move on this next one I understand that they rolled one on initiative. All right.

It resets. I'm going to start. I'm green. Oh, I'm sorry. Put yourself in any new positions you want to be in before the start. I think I want to switch. Yancey, will you switch with me? That was a great point.

Oh, yeah, that's my name. That's my name. Here, yeah, I'm fine. That's not my name. That's not my name. That's not my name. I'm on my first domestic beer, so I'm feeling real good.

Roll initiative. Woo! Keep in mind we have two twists. We have plans. We're going to need those for the championship. Fuck. I got a two. I got a nine.

I'm going to do them in order. Yancey, what do you got? 22. Barbar. Two. Ravioli. Four. Gina.

Eight. Toodles. Eight. I'll go first. Louise. Nine. I have a dumb question. Yeah.

Is it safe to assume that each of these games will happen on different days? Yeah, first day, second day, beautiful. Beautiful. Okay, you got it. You remember that from the many rules that were given by. How many goals you have to get to win? Is it three? Four.

Gotcha. All right, one moment. I am doing initiative things. You guys were asking me all this fucking question. Sorry. Sorry, direction. That is one day. Yeah.

You aren't a highlighter. Man, you guys roll like shit. Holy fuck. It's time for being Nancy to beat the best like no one ever was to catch them is my real test.

To exploit their powers for my own personal game as my cause. You're just You can do a dark place. That's dark. It's dark. It's dark.

Got to catch them all against their will. That's why I have a master ball. Pubs, we're... Trugs win! And that's the sound of the whistle. It looks like Yancey's making a move. That's be Yancey.

Do you be Yancey, sir? And I'm going to run forward. 5, 10, 50, 20, 25, 30. That's not me. Is this... Oh, this is me. 5.10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 30, 35, 40, ladies and gentlemen.

I get pumped up when I've had. Okay, I'm gonna have my fifth. by fifth. Okay, here goes nothing. You know those ball people in tennis matches that have to just run out and grab the ball and they're like that? Every time he drops like a bud light on the field, there's a small kid who's like grabbing the gun and running back off. You can score. Okay, we may have found a weakness in this game. I'm not going to exploit it. Go ahead, go. Oh, shuff. Oh, I hit it. That's good enough. That's a 14. Take it. Let's go for it. So I'm going to roll. I got to hit it first. So I can't like just do it really quick. can hit it at all the damage raises the AC and then you have to it's like legend of Zelda so that'll be seven points of damage okay so it's now at 17 I'm gonna hit it with my out-armist strike oh shucks that's gonna miss but I'm gonna that channel a

slovenly drunk point also known as a key point is your time let's do it come oh wait long is that good enough that's good enough that's 18 18 hits Okay, I get to roll damage. That's gonna be, for months, is it an armed strike? No, that's an eight in the additional eight. Yeah. So what's the total? So, 25.

You did 20, wait, how much damage total? 15 total. Okay, 15. So 25, I gotta get it, I gotta get it 19 or 20 here, ladies and gentlemen to hit it. D- D-A- almost. Okay, that's it. With 25, where are you sending it?

Yup. Yep. I'm gonna hit it in the diagonal, ladies and gentlemen. So you said, what is it at? 25. 25. 24, 23, 22, 22, 1. 21 and a half, it enters 30s range.

21 and a half, natural one. Wow. 22 is into 7. 21. 77's range. Nine, nothing. 20, so still 21. It'll be 20 and a half.

20 and a half. The cobales are really whiffing here with a Natural, it's going to be 10, so it hit, ding! Dang! Whoa! This is a power! Now I've switched to my import. All the way from...

So I take a natural 20, Yancey. This isn't a roll at 20. This isn't a weakness in the game. It's weakness in the Cold Bull's offensive strategy. 20s a 19. With a 19. Oh, this third bell of the game brought to you by Sherry's berries. Why not send an extra sweet treat to friends, family, business association,

and everyone you know. We've never met a person who didn't love Sherry's berries. Send giant dipped berries from Sherry's berries for only 20 silver. Double the berries for just 10 silver more. These berries are terrific and they make a great gift. Need berries in your mouth right now? Just yell out berries three times and we'll bring our enormous, ripe, fresh berries right to your seat.

You've got to see these enormous berries for yourself. Order some fucking chocolate berries for the fucking person in your life. That bar immediately yells berries, berries, berries. And looks around expectantly. There's an actual radio commercial for Sherry's Barry that's basically that's not sponsored by Sherry's Barry. It's in the fucking talk radio. Every other second.

I don't drive anymore, so I don't listen the radio. Sivar looks around expectantly. It's a bit 20. Thank you. Barron, berries, berries! I need some sherry's berries. Bring it here and a hairy! And my uncle's name is Harry!

And a Carrie! I mean, that resets. That was brilliant. That was brilliant. Reset your minions so that they're not. Clearly, they've realized that they've never played this game before either, so they're going to go here and here and here, and then they're going to... Add a boy. boy stretch out solid that's a solid defense yeah the different configuration yeah I like it

we're fucked the turn that they go first I'm still twerking on the goal post it's slowly demolishing yeah we're pretty good no right with only one more point to go let's see if the flame skulls can put a point on the board I need everyone to roll for initiative I honestly think Yancey and I should take uh posts behind here and Well, why don't you put Gospacho there? Oh. Gispoch? And I'll back up.

He can get hit by the ball. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, we roll in initiative. Yep. Sorry. Can we have someone stands in one of these? Well, we've got a block.

Yeah, I mean, that's like you. Either way. Oh, no, Gapalcher's here. Very nice. All right, Yancey, what do you got? Oh, yes. Now that's nine. 16.

16. You're out of yours. 23. Three, Gina. Oh, uh, 16. 16. 16, Tootles. For six.

For six, Louise. For five. For five. Well, the two balls are going to get a lot of turd, ladies and gentlemen. Well, they were next in that previous round if you hadn't just fucking destroyed that shit. So I don't know what to tell you. I call that the old B. Yancey Yakeham.

Ew. Bavar, Gina. Who's going first? Bar, Gina, would you have to go first? I would love to. Go for it. Oh, if you let me go first, I'll help you out. I'm going to, I'm going to cast Blas.

Well, I'm going to cast something, but... Up to you, up to you. I'm not going to be hitting the thing. Yeah, me either. So up to you. Then if you like to go first, go ahead. Because either way, we're just both going to cast a fellow. We're going to take a defensive position after we just spread these oboles twice.

Gosh, she's going first. She's going first? Yeah. All right. And then... Berries are very delicious. Everyone's just tossing berries onto the field. Ravioli, you're up!

Ravioli! I'm gonna run up to the ball. The new guy's coming out of the play. I'm the shinghoom. Let's see if he's got the same stock as his teammate. Maybe. Might as well make this thing work for me! I'm gonna cast arcane weapon onto it,

and it will do an extra one for as a bonus action. It will do an extra 1D6. Let's make it thunder damage. That's sort of rather than. Yes, thunder damage, do it! Once, yeah! And I will make an attack. 16, the hit.

That hits the 10, yeah, it starts at 10. It's always resting 10. It's got resting 10 faith. Six? Jesus. 15 damage. 15 damage, so it's now at a 25, and it is going to scream wherever you want.

I'm going to make it scream. diagonally Yeah, towards us So you said 25? 25, 24, 23, 22, it enters 30's range. All right, 30 is going to take a crack It's at 23.

22. 22. It's going to hit. It's the roll 19. It's only going to do three points of damage after I drop my phone, but it's going to do those

three points of damage and it is going to head it diagonally back in exactly the same direction. Oh no. So back to 24. 23, 22. You have reaction. What's the 80?

22. I'm going to take it. I will try. I miss. It continues. That was 22. 21. 20.

19. It enters. Gina. Gina. Oh, I'm hitting that mofo. 19. Miss. Yeah, I got an 8, but you know what?

Lathanda, I feel like you really just, you have it all in for me. So no, actually, I'm not going to do that because it's not going to help me at all. No, I just miss it. You could use the twist. No. So 18, it's going to enter Yansey's range. Hey, that's why. Sorry, 18 and a half.

So still 19. No, 18. Thank you. Thank you. And since it goes below it. Okay. Natural twin ladies and gentlemen. Yay!

With the old. I got to give it up. I got a seven beers in. You'll be Yancey. It's really amazing to watch. The drunker he gets, the more savvy he is with his trunk as it swings in, and a paddle just suction to the end of that wild appendage. That's going to be 12 plus, plus 4, 16 points of damage. That's going to be 34.

34. Where do you want to send this? Right back the same way. I'm going to send it right back the same way. I'm going to murder these go-ball. Okay, back the same way. That's 34, 33, 32. 31 30

29 28 And he's your reaction already He just hits him He gets knocked unconscious Because it does 18 points of damage to him And then it flies

What did I say 31? It flies towards rich It flies north-west 28 27 Now right back out right Yeah Yeah it does the screensaver thing 25

24 23 22 20, 19, 18, 17, 17, 16, 15, 14, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5. You stop at 10, right? 3, 1, 1, 0. Oh, no, you're doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's where it finally comes to rest.

Wow. Wow. Wait, I got a... Good turn, Ravioli. What else do you want to do? All right, it's still my turn. I guess, uh... What are you doing the screensaver thing?

I'm gonna have him fly right up. Straight ahead. Yeah, here we go. Six. Got it. It's harder for the largest. 5.10, 15, 20, 25, 30. But I can't put it was nothing, right?

Yeah. Right. No, I'm just trying to see if he could even remotely hit. He just the camera a little bit. I'm going to use my bonus action to make him sprint. Okay, and he'll just chill right there. What does he say? He's waiting for death.

How many hit points since he has? How many hit points since he has? Not many, let me soon. He's got three times the hit points of the Cobol. All right. 50's going to run forward. It's their turn now. It looks like the cobbles are finally on the move. How far does he move?

He wants to run to the space adjacent to his buddy. buddy yep and then towards me one more so he's in range and he's going to I think he's just gonna hit it straight down the pipe and he's gonna try anyway let's see if he doesn't need any work here oh yeah 100% well oh boy that's gonna be four points of momentum to of damage to to it so it's gonna go 14 total yep 13 12 11 10 9 9 and a half it enters your reaction let it go one more on the other than it eight no nine one more nice nine eight and a half eight yeah she's waiting for the AC to drop so it's slowing down a little bit very savvy move on the part of this uh female of

elephant creature I read it in a book oh that's bad you know I forget do you add anything you add your dexterity or your strength eight is that that means that means oh it yes and a half rounded down is eight. The lowest AC is 10. So then we're at 18. Sorry. Yes. Yes.

But it only did, he only hit it for 14. So I'm counting down to 8. So it's 10. 10 is the bare minimum. Yes. So even though we're counting down to zero. So it only have gone 40 feet from where he hit it. Yeah. Right.

Oh, right. So only eight squares. So one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. That's where it comes to a stop. Okay. I understand. The two, not. Not the unconscious gentleman, because he's already unconscious.

Man, these cobald sucks. Sex is up. The two on the other flank there. I don't know. Seventy-7-0-0-7? Yeah, those two. They're going to dash forward. How much?

What's the total movement? Their movement is 30, so please give them a full 60 feet forward. 50, 55. Yep. That'll be good enough. Same. Yep. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50.

And then the guy in the middle there. he's going to back up. And he's going to take a step towards you, Andy. And the other one there is going to... 48. Yeah, 48 is going to move to the equivalent spot on the other side of the

Bell Tower. Thank you. Well, they're playing defensively here, but let's see if they can actually put some points on the board. It would be a hilarious comeback after such an extended period of combat for that to happen. That brings us to Gina's turn. Gina's making some moves.

Um, I am going to- She's a very clever playa. I saw her in Larson dudes recently. Yeah, I know. Um, I'm gonna move forward all the way to like wherever. Okay, perfect, and I'm gonna cast Bain on 2977 and 50. B-Bee! B-Bee! So they all have to make charisma saving throws. Nice, or... What's the DC? 13.

Uh, first one succeeds, second one fails, third one fails. Okay, so the two that failed now have to subtract a D4 from their attack rolls and their saving pros. Okay, what? 77 and 15? Yeah, 750. 550. 5.0. 77 and 50. All right, B, and Bari, all right. Bavar, you're up. It's all I want. Bavar, you're up.

I'm not going to put that on 70s. Oh, and actually, you didn't hit 29. The only thing I'm worried about is mixing them up with the thing, but it'll be fine. You know that they're good. Bbar, you're up. It's your turn. Sorry, I'm just plotting my move here. This is awful because it doesn't go anywhere. She goes right back back.

And then this is even worse because... What hexing thing is? What hexing thing is? Just so... This is even worse. It just bounces this way. Oh, shit. That's actually not terrible.

Well, no, I can... Oh, I can... I can just try to crush this guy, but then I'm like to get myself. Oh, let's try it. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. And I'm going to make an attack on the ball. Take him out. So the resting 10?

It's going to be good enough. That's going to be, I guess, a plus three, right? So 14. And I'm going to hit it directly at him. The Lonsidon has taken a real beating, has run up, and he seems to make contact with the ball. Let's see what happens with him. 16 total or 160, well, 60 feet.

16 damage? 6. Total. Okay. But first it hits him. to make a dexterity savings throw, he fails so he takes enough damage to knock him out. He actually got

out of curiosity because this is funny. Yes, he got negative three on his role Sudda Bain. And it hits him, but it does bounce in a random direction. It's going to go due west

towards you, Andy. So that's going to be 510, 15, 20, 2530 3530 40 45 you can use your

reaction to you know haven't I already used no I used it already in that's yeah so you can let it hit you and it'll go a random direction or you can try to dog out of the way and it's at 11 I guess it's at 11

total yeah I'm gonna let it so what happened if I let it hit me it goes in a random direction it goes in a random direction it goes in a I'm going to let it hit me. And it'll give you a damage equal to its current momentum. I didn't buy the Lulu Lemon Pants for nothing, and I'm going to hong her down and let it hit me.

It's one over 10. So it would only do one point of damage. Okay. So yeah, we'll do one point of damage and go to random direction. So you thrust your chest forward and just let it smash into you. It goes... Oh, boy. It goes directly towards Kelsey.

11, 10. Yep, and that's where it'll finish this turn. So we're not doing zero. It drops momentum at 10. Right. The reason I've been going to zero is when it was like 30-something, right? And I just count from like 20-something to zero. Yeah.

That's the end of your turn, Babar? I attack, right? Yeah, I'm done. The answer, you're up. I was my turn already? Well, that's great to hear. Two, three, four, five. Man, he is really slamming those Cors lights.

I don't think he's sponsored, but he is stumbling towards the ball. I'm no, I'm not no longer black, blue. I remember being that drunk once. It was an unpleasant experience. I'm a dwarf, so I can drink a lot. That's going to be a 14. And then I'm going to go in for the,

oh, I got to roll damage first. That is going to be six. And so now it's the AC-16. Mm-hmm. And that is going to be the 16. It's going to hit. So move six. Hold on.

He has to get all his damage in. And then plus 8, 14. 14. So 24 is the, yeah. So 14 total damage. So 14, 24, 23, 22, 21. It hits this. Great.

It's going to go north-west towards Rich. Same direction. Same diagonal. Same diagonal. Right. 20. Two. Two, that's what I thought.

21. 20. Thanks. And that's the game. The fourth belt in a flawless victory, a clean sweet roll a D20 for me, young family. We won, we did it. I knew we could.

Natural twin. It was a natural twin. Let's finish our sponsor off with the Gnomish Materials Company. Everybody needs a little mercer in their life. That's a great one. I like that. Hey, hey, did we win?

Chuck Swin! The few people in the crowd are cheering. You can see that one guy who was originally doing the, like, chant with you. Like, yeah, you guys are awesome. I love you guys. I'm going to talk my friends about you. And then that is the conclusion of the game. The co-bowls, having never scored a single point,

drop their paddles and dejectedly walk off the field. You hear moments later, here, Arthur Eggman, who's jumped over the stands and rushing you on the field. Well done, everybody. I can't believe you did so well. You are perfect for this game. We're going to take it all the way to the top. As the cobbles are skulking off the field, I yell.

As I said, you have been defeated in the name of Gigantus, Elephontas, and Lusatris. You will all be converted momentarily. Please stand by. Very few of them turn, but the one that does is just like, I'm Gis-Facho. I want to give my high-five on his disgusting spaghetti bend-mo. Look, I don't want to be the one that says it,

but I'm going to be that time where I almost scored a point for them was actually beneficial and was my plan the entire time. So you're welcome for that win. That was all me, Captain, Coach, whatever. That was all me. Big C, how do we do? Trux swim! You did very well and were able to navigate

to feel perfectly all of you together. I was impressed with your team effort. So who won between the crawling claws and the pure bloods? Oh, yeah. The games are forthcoming. This was the first game of the day. Now we can spend our time

in the player's box watching the rest of the games for the day. You know, I honestly, do you want to sit next to me? I will call out peanut, peanut, peanut, or whatever to get nuts in your mouth. Why don't we just go? I mean, there's nothing stopping us.

Let's just go right now. Go where? To the players box. That's quite literally what we was just saying. Yeah, I just, I don't want to more of that sexual tension than Bianci was talking about the build-up. More and more people are starting to come in. Your reward for having completed your first competitive game

at that moving forward with the paddles and the blade, you now may add your proficiency bonus. Hey! I like this. So proficiency, I like this. There's levels, ma'am. So can I continue to be the goalie? You know, honestly, with the way that you handled what I set you up with, because it was intentional, I think you should stay the goalie.

I think you did a fantastic job. Me. Make you conscious look upon you and smile. That's successive, but I appreciate it. Successive. The way you handled that pole reminded me at the time of your 20th birthday. Oh, that's right. You were there.

I forgot. I was. I was chaperving. I got blackout birthday. drunk and passed out. That's why everyone got it in so much trouble. Oh, me too. I remember like it was

many years ago, I guess because it was. Good time. You guys make your way up to the players' box. Oh, you said we were going to get our uniforms after the first game. They're on the way. They're on the way. They're moving as quickly as, but they can. You have to keep playing in this

G-stream the whole time. I'm getting round and didn't wear out of my lemon. I promise you will like them. They don't give you plus one AC mechanically. What is good to know. You guys are making the way up to the play of time. You saw some dumptails, I was gonna say,

that's weird. That's weird. Hey, speaking of the mighty trucks, it's the mighty ductails. Du-du-da, do, life is like a... Is he okay?

Is he done? Has he done this before, Louise? Yeah, I've seen him doing this at my birthday party. Could we bring up the jam a little bit? It's the moon theme for the Dutteals game. The beginning first 30 seconds will have the best part of the whole song. Go to MagFest, you'll hear this every other fucking second. I believe that.

Because it's one of the greatest, you know, Vince McMahon song. Fun fact, they actually use this song in the Duck Tales cartoon, the new reboot. Really? Yeah. Wow. Although it's probably technically like a kind of. copyright and Pridman because I think they don't own the rights. Maybe they got it.

But anyway, Sam Riegel from Critical Role actually directs it. And the mighty trunks won. Trunks win! Trunks win! Trunks! Trunks! It's all taste of gazpacha that we want, like Schlesque Cafe. That whole five veal cutlet!

That's true because you can't skip breakfast, breakfast is the most important meal on the day. You're cooking down the fairs are wet. Maybe the whole place is not maybe it's a gazpacho. You smell good, Gisle! I smell something really delicious downstairs. It's not like a veal parmesan with the mozzarella sticks and, I mean, mozzarella sticks. Mozarel? Mozadelle.

Mozadelle. And the gabble goo. It's like how all those people from Beijerze think that they're pronouncing it correctly, but actually it's horribly different to the actual pronunciation. Is that howlwur? I mean, I'm awake now. You're right. You find yourselves in the players box. We'll wait for Gina to get back here. How's everybody doing it?

Yeah, how's everybody doing tonight? How y'all doing that? I love Fleean. He's actually a very clever game, Gary. He's got to be canonical. He never ceases surprise me, man. Never cease to surprise me. Fleen Fleeing Fell is definitely canonical.

I had the rules written down as you're playing them before I ever mentioned Flean as Caprice. I've had this in my pocket for a year at least. So I'm very happy to share it with you. You're right that there are some problems with it right out of the gate, and I want to see if I can solve those problems. I thought there were, but I meant it when I said, no, I take it back. It was the Colbold's defense.

That was the problem. Because you had those very obvious thing. We were able to just crush them and they made adjustment. I mean, it's like any other game, right? Well, but I didn't know that that flaw existed. Totally. Because I've never played this shit either. Right, right.

It might take some tweaking, you know, understanding, like, you know, defensive patterns and things. But so far, the game's fucking awesome. Well done, everybody. Thank you, Fuller Century. Oh, thank you. That's so nice. You find yourself in the player's lodge or the player's box.

It's a large open area with a lot of wide open seating that's at the very top level of one side of the stadium. It allows you through these big glass panes to look down at a diagonal and enjoy the coming games. And you can see that they're already starting to set up the... I have it here. Front of me. Why would I put it in a day? That's so stupid of me. Try what they do with that.

It's so stupid. Yeah, yes. You can see that they're setting up the game between the crawling claws and the pure bloods. And you can see that the crawling claws are themselves a group of lightfoot halflings, and they look very spunky and ready to go facing the pure bloods, which are a group of Yuan T.

You are surprised to discover that the crawling claws totally wrecked business and are able to dominate the the Uante with a very, very little trouble, actually. So who wins? The crawling claws. Are they like, is this like an all-female, like pixie hair cut, like roller derby team? That's what I've envisioned.

Maybe that's because my fetish. I would just want, I just want to draw your attention in the fact that Rojok is letting us know that the Tyken Flall is the Ventures Intercontinental National Flea League of Legendary Heroes. Oh yeah, the Tyken Floor. Yeah, the Titan flaw. The Titan flaw. I mean, we knew about the Titan. Why are you messaging us about that here?

We already knew about it. The Titan fall. It's from the mood. The Titans. The Titan flaw. The Titans are on the mood. Try to swim. My boy to the black moon, please.

Next up is the Giant Eagles and versus the cockatrice game. The Giant Eagles, of course, being the human team in the league. and the cockatrice being, of course, the... I have it written right down in front of me. Hey! You know, if you combined them, if you swapped it around, it would be the eagle trees and the giant cucks.

I think you've had enough. Stop drinking. I know it's part of my class. I know it's a free... I know it's a free bar, but put the... The eagle tree. Just drink, drink a water, but we need to one, please. Go, giant...

Please, I'm begging you. The humans versus the hobgoblins. I don't want you to do that because that he'll just piss himself. The humans are able to win the day. The giant eagles. That's right. The dire wolves versus the nightmares are the Goliaths versus the... Who are sure my uncle?

Versus a group of fallen Asimir. And the fallen Asimir are able to win the day, but are disqualified for cheating, unfortunately. So the dire wolves take it. So the dire wolves take it. The blood hot... Hey! Yeah, Derek. Oh.

Hey, you know, it's funny. It's a good thing that they were able to win on a technicality, because I hear it's very difficult to make dire wolves move or do anything. It's very expensive to CGI. Stop with the meta! Shut up what happened to EG with Dico. Some of our audience hasn't seen this yet. Yeah, it's weird.

I just thought, I mean, from the box, I know we're far away, but they were just kind of stanked. get a wide shot. It's just a name. Gotcha. And then moving over the Mephits versus the orcs. The orcs with their aggressive play

clearly dominate the Mephits. What are the T-flings? Meth-Fes versus the orks. What's a Mephits? Oh, the T-flings are Mephets and the Orcs are what? Orks. Orks were just working on.

Yes, the orcs are... Very creative. The Manticors. The Manticors versus the imps. Those are the B-B-Boo. the bug bears versus the forest gnomes and the bug bears are able to completely destroy their enemies and then finally the rocks against the wormlings which looks like the lizard folk versus the

mountain dwarfs and the rocks are able to win the day the mountain dwarfs move on to the second stage of the game and finally we get to the hellhounds versus the bloodhawks which is of course the Tiflings versus the Wood Else I thought we already had Tieflings That's because I fucked up And the Mephits are actually The Tabaxi

Okay great My immersion is maintained So are the Hellhounds The T-Flings? Yes Okay And the hellhounds Are do even worse

Than the Cobol's They actually seem to be more Experienced a team than the cobales But watching the Unbelievable strength of the Bloodhawks It is a completely flawless victory

similar to the success and fame that you are all enjoying. As people are coming up to you thanking you in the players' box, the few rich celebrities and nobles who happen to be in the players' box are coming up and saying how impressed they are, having never seen you on the field, where did you come from, where did you learn to play, these kinds of questions. Where did you come from?

Yeah, 100%. And you enjoy the rest of the day watching the festivities and what have you. What are you guys doing with the remaining? of your time before the morrow. Berries, berries, berries. I never got mine once I announced the name just like...

But they said they'd bring it directly to me. Their crew is on point. As soon as she says berries, berries, berries. There's a guy in a very tight, like, white tucks like washing up with like a huge basket of what I believe it was to be assorted blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, strawberries, and the like. Gigantes, alustrous.

Damn them. You know, the advertising so obnoxious There's a billboard on every corner in the Australia district for these things. They never shut up. Do I feel like we're going to be getting a long dress before our next game? Ah, yes, this is just one tier for games. So tomorrow we will have the eight games between the four games between you and the crawling claws. And then after that, the giant eagles and the dire wolves, and then the orcs in the mantakores,

and then bloodhawks in the rocks. Okay, that's good, because I definitely would love to. I had a character changed out some of these useless spells as a goalie. 100% I understand now that you understand the game. Thank you for respecting that stirring play. Hey, if you were smart like me, you wouldn't have wasted your time practicing magic. You can just crutch a few natural bohilians and just walk up and smack you with your truck, upper or lower. You know, all I gotta say about all of this is that I'm really proud of everybody here on the team.

We are literally one game closer to our wishes, which means that we're one game closer to my mom being able to win and the price is right. I don't know what that means, but that's exactly right. We only have three more games to win. Or you know, speaking of it, would she rather, would she like publish his clearinghouse a little bit better? I don't know.

Three more games. I am only asking from you three great days where we win, where we win if we can take the championship. We can get that wish. It's the wish from a gin named Wild-Wild Smith. Was that a different gym? Nobody knows the name of the gin. Oh!

Do we get to meet him at least? There's more like behind the scenes. I have heard that is a her, but I do not know the truth. Oh, it's a her. Oh my. That's great. I apologize for assuming. You know, with a free-dee, it's a lot easier

because it's a free D or a free tongue. I suppose that's right. I never thought about that. Well, you guys should think more about your genius anyway, good night. Have you met a gin before? Well, no, I've heard of them. So you've heard of this Wild Wild Smith? You know, in the most recent season of The Bachelor, they've got a gin on there.

And he is hunky as can be, if I do say so myself. I should hope he doesn't pick Clarice, because she's an asshole. She says a lot of shit behind his back he really would not like. She has said things about his mother. And his learning potential. I mean, his career trajectories of that family, as a gentleman. I don't know what that means at all.

He might make regional managers someday. Now, I'm going to go and speak with the other coaches and see if I can get some insights into their strategies going into tomorrow. What are you going to be doing with yourselves for the rest of the evening? I think we just go back to sleep. Yeah, I think we're just going to go to bed, you know. You're very well-behaved.

I was planning on masturbating before I The Gulty Shore is on tonight, and I don't want to miss it. Well, I guess... Wait for it. You still have the blade on you, then. Well, I guess, I guess with the, what's your name, Raphaelius sounds, and with Louisa's extracurricular activities, it'll be like fruity de Mare at the Galvigan restaurant. Oh, dear God. Arthur Eggman storms away in anger.

You know, he didn't even tell us how he was supposed to get back to the hotel. How are we supposed to get back? It's right next door. We have blocked over here from there, I think. Yeah, it's a scary. It's like how adjacent an Outback steakhouse is to a holiday inn. It's right across the fucking street every time. Well, then let's just go. I'm so done with this place. You make your way towards your room

You're walking up and And I'll waste time now Because someone's taking a leak Nothing important is happening It's fine Yeah, sorry It's a good time Yeah, you guys walk across the street

That's what you're doing right now That's the state that you find yourself in Oh, we can't go inside Not until we expect I'm going to do shit obviously I do wish Are you going to do stuff in our room or inside the hotel?

Inside the hotel. I do wish to maybe learn to drink like one of these other fleeing hooligans, but I worry that gigantes, aliphantus, illustrius might look down upon me.

What I would say is you didn't learn to drink before you beat the shit out of those cobalds, so I would say you probably shouldn't change anything about what you're doing. I mean, it's against your religion.

Why would you start now? Destroying cobalds comes naturally. That's just part of the religion. I got lucky. Well, if you're ever interested, you come to my restaurant, I can get you a bottle of red, a bottle of white, whatever it is that you're feeling tonight. Yeah, and you know, if you ever feeling like you want to switch to a different god, I don't really know much about him because I was sleeping during most of his sessions. But my mom's really big into Lithander. And I know she'd hate if I said this, but I'm probably sure God of the sun like that's probably got a fine hand.

Gigantus, be praised. No, seriously. be praised, right? I mean there's got to be a reason they call them gigantes. Oh, hey, maybe I should be switching my god, then. You're making your way down the hallway towards your room, which is towards

the end. When around the corner bend, the bloodhawks, these wood elves with this deep, dark, fern-like black hair all the way down to their waist, all of them standing high and haughty, it's almost

impossible to discern the men from the women. They turn and in unison the six of them start to walk down the hallway towards you with a change in music Hey everybody look let's start snappy Like like They they approach you and they come to a stop Excuse us if we might make our way No you can't make your way you stupid ass Whoa whoa

Look how dumb you face are. Be bianci. Be a b-stool. Be stoo. They don't call me be still. They call me B-Yancy. Be-E-Sty, sir. To be diving.

Be-B-B-Eatzy. There are literally one of a hundred percent of arms. And that sense me. I'm going to speak out for everybody. I'm so sorry for him. He's been drinking course all day long. You must be something with Bleen. We're just going to make a way to our room because we're champions, all right.

Yes, we could smell him all the way. down the hall. Now that's just rude. No, I think he just means that they have really incredible senses of smell. Mine's better, though. I've got a fucking trunk. Now, can you move out of the way, your tiny little man? I'm asking you to move out of the way. Why should I move out of the way? My lady. Just excuse us, please. I'm sure that you can smell

very well. Thank you. I'm going to cast, I'm going to cast reduce on him. and we'll see if it works. It's Constitution saving. I would be concerned that any harm that might come to other competitors might disqualify us from the championship before we even get there. What's the AC? The 13.

The DC, sorry. And what's the Constitution? Constitution. This makes it small. A natural 20. Well, I was trying to make you little so you get fit between my thighs, but whatever. I'm not moving. My legs are sore.

My joints are broken. Oh, I get gas when I'm nervous, and I'll cast gust with a giant fart. We are so going to get to swallow five. We're in the field. Oh, yeah. So, okay, one medium or smaller creature that you choose must succeed a strength saving thrower, be pushed five feet away. Oh, my God, this is not okay.

With a five. How do you do a strength saving? No, he has to make the sleep. He failed, so he's pushed five feet away. Okay, so. It doesn't deal any damage? No, I just want to fart him out of my way and they keep moving. All right, so I will say that for the sake of this purpose.

The rule of cool, it actually parts all of them and they're up against, and they all, like, turn and hold their noses in unison. I want you. Totally in sync. Yes, if you could just pass on through, that would be fine. Yeah, let's go, Bistachio. Let's walk. Giganta, Salafonte.

What did you eat? That's why she wore the brown pants. Good luck tomorrow. We'll see you on the field. Let them through, everyone. I'm sure that if you had a dick on your faces, you guys would feel just as ornery as they do. Look, honey, if it were my night, I would have a dick on my face. And without a word, they turn and slink off towards their end of the hallway, directly opposite yours in the hotel.

How embarrassing it must be to get braff done by the house. braff done by a giant elephant. And that is where we'll end the session. I guess that's what they call her tutels. No. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to,

become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shroud of her Salt Marsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash Legends of Aventris. If you want to chat about the episode with the Aventrists community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventris.com forward slash discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube,

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