Legends of Avantris - The Mighty Trunks | Ep. 4 | All-Loxodon Underdog Story: Part 4

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

This is it! The BIG GAME! The Trunks have made it to the Championship. Can they go all the way?   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/JPTXyrxLTNE?si=084U3lKiGAuHw_kQ

Welcome to Legends of Aventris. Here's what happened last time. I was thinking, who would I talk to about a full team sponsorship? No one swings like Bad Bar, Knox Bag Bar, Knicks like Bad Bar. No one motorboat strippers as quick as Bad Bar. They're sending it in. Trug Swin! And boom goes the spell scrawl.

Kablam! Oh my goodness, we've got a game on our hands. This is now a very tense situation. B. Yancey is screaming trunks win over and over. I'm not sure he understands how the game is played or life in general. It's the penultimate sixth bell, brought to you by the Lenses Lodge, sitting on faces for more than 100 years. I've been told I severely need their services,

but thick frames make me look like the grandpa from up. It's the last King's Whistle, hard to believe we're in this final round of the game. Exciting stuff. The ground is screaming for defense, and Gina delivers. She takes a hard hit square in the chest back to B. Yancey. The ringer just nearly exploded the flying noodle child that desires death above all else. That's what I call irony. It's getting mean out there.

The Goliaths are stomping through the mighty trunks, knocking them down to the hard pack. We've seen this before. If the trunks can solve this, can't solve this quickly, it'll all be over for our long-nosed friends. You know it. The crowd is now dead quiet as the ball bouncing. It's back and forth across the field. It's anyone's game. Things are getting very sweaty down there.

Every player's working their God's damned asses off. Here we go, the ball is slowed to a crawl in the dead center of the field. Can yancey get up in time and get to it? He can! And boom goes to spell scroll! Lady Morgon's miracle names want you to know we haven't taken a clean job in almost 90 years. Trump's win!

Hey! Hey! Trump's win! Having completed your third round, around, you make your way eventually back to the inn, the usual place where you've been provided free room and board for the duration of the

championship. It is very early in the morning. You're all dead asleep, having just enjoyed a long rest, that makes mechanical differences for you. And, yeah, hit the button, hit the button. And you're all

being woken up, rudely, not allowed to just wake up at, you know, whenever your body decides it's no longer tired, but instead, all of you being shaken, you can hear the voice in the room, get up. Get up. We have to get up and we have to train. It's raining. Get up. This is definitely a hangover, Yancey. I think a, uh... Do you last every hangover? Mr. Eggman? What's happening? Pretend you fine. It's raining. We have a rained out day. We have another day to train.

Oh, I knew my knees hurt. Hey, coach Hey, big C Yes, what do you want Let me guess We got some more Fucking discodes for us Yeah, take one

Oh No thanks I think that's what got me sick Last time That's what put me in bed It's because you ate two gazpacho No, I think it's the scones It's just dry meat floating through the air

You probably have a gluten intolerance No, I don't Well, yeah actually will make me Not from gazpacho Here can gazpacho when we do it with mouth moustache again. Oh yeah, let me just give Gisbacho and I'll refresh here. I'll pull out a

flat top griddle on my back and I'll put it on like a ninja turtle. I got like a chef's knife and a spatula and you see arcane magic come and out from it formulates what looks exactly like Gisbacho and in that moment the old Gisbacho

horrifically dies and fucking it. And before it hits the floor I grab it. It's a lot of my mouth. There you go, Gaspacho. To be fair, Jansi, I'm not quite used to this feeling. In fact, I might need something to take the edge off. Hey, just have another prairie oyster. That'll be just fine.

I suppose so. Your paladin, can't you just lay on hands or lay on headache? I was laying on a lot of hands last night at the pointy ears and voluptuous rears, if you know what I mean. I know exactly what you mean. Stop doing that. And I'll shoot the hangar procure that Pantry's given me. Prairie Naga. That's disgusting.

It'll get the job done. Well, you have a day to recover, but I want you 100% tomorrow. Hey, coach, I have a question. Are you, why has a big problem with strippers? I don't have a problem with strippers. Are you anti-sex work? That's not very progressive of you. I'm just neutral.

Well, if you're not an ally of sex workers, I don't feel very comfortable being out of this team. We don't need to have an alliance of sex work in order to win the championship. Well, I guess we need a montage, fam. First, we have to address the elephant in the room. I think the way there, which one? Gina. Oh, did we mean the one out of the room? Gina violently assaulted someone yesterday while out of the way of sponsorships.

Oh, that sounds like. Gina. Our Judge Ido has told you that you're not allowed to compete. I'm sorry, but we will just have the only the five tomorrow. And they'll let us do that again? Two times in a row? Yes, the bloodhawks have agreed because they want to wish as much as we do. Doesn't seem very sporting that we're going to play a man down,

but I guess the bloodhawks aren't sporting at all. I thought Gina was a woman. What, how was that... How is that relevant? I believe is what Ravioli was going to say. You had you as a man down. I just wanted to do it. Oh, it's more figurative.

Like, not literally a man. I mean, we're elephants. We're not really men or women. We're elephant men. Let's get away from this discussion right away. Come on, let's get on to the field of grace. I have a feeling that in this montage, there'll be a nice B-plot, Coach,

we resolve our differences over coffee and bagels. Or maybe a nice ale. Just like my old friend Dow. Hey, coach, could you get someone to wash up jerseys? It's really stinking awful in here. Where are your normal civilian clothes for the training, and we can have to watch the day? That smells even worse. Those are the pants I shit a week ago. Well, we're not going to train in the nude.

That actually might be quite free. I know the ladies and the men, of course, at the point of years and voluptuous rears, would also like to cheerleading the nude. We've worked that out. I've thrown in an extra couple hundred doors. There are rules to this game. We have to play with the clothes, the outfits. That's why I got them for you. Well, it was just a suggestion. Wait, but Barr, are you telling me that you paid our sponsors to sponsor us?

Listen, I explained this last time. These poor men and women are working very hard to get themselves through medical school and all sorts of different barred colleges and wizard colleges. I couldn't bear put the pain of that cost on them. So I was more than happy to front the money with all of the money I've made as the best fleam-flow player in all those fans. It was your money, not the team's money. No, it was my winnings that I've gotten from each of our previous victories, and I only intend to continue to spend it on ale and strippers.

I'm just saying that my sponsor, Sherry's berries, only the greatest compass berries at Sherry's berries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, you can get all berries at Cherries berries. And other stuff, I continue on. Speaking of pay, we have to, you enjoy your wins. for winning the third round of the game. That was a close one. I thought you were going to lose it,

but you were able to pull the fat out of the fire. 3,000 gold pieces for each of you. You know, I have to be honest. Wow, I'm rich! I really feel as though Gigantus, Elephontas, and Lucius really let me down in that last game. I feel like I'm doing this all on my own,

and I can do anything and continue to crush skulls. Um, isn't the Jel Gaphani Gaphani? Gaphauntis, the source of all your power? I don't see how that's possible. I've done what I needed to do to win, and I hired a team of strippers to cheer me on while I do it. I'm not going to make you question your faith or anything, but this gigantius fella sure sounds like a big, a gigantic chump.

I agree. Any god or gods that don't believe in the power of ale and naked people, I'm not sure I want to be a part of that. I mean, why would the God put us on the planet naked if they didn't want to see us naked? You know what I'm saying? How could he forbid me for 300 years to not consume alcohol or delight in the pleasures of the flesh? I think he's trying to make a fool out of you. I wouldn't be a fool like that if I was you.

Yancey, you speak much sense. I know. Well, if you ever need some tips on eating yes, just let me know. Well, you know, I don't think, I don't think that was. You know what, that's how you, no, that's how you get the E. coli. I said that's what we've been talking about. I want to put my hand on the coach's shoulder. Edward?

Eggman. The author, Egeman. Eggman. Eggman. That's why I said. He's broad, earth, Janasi shoulders. Yes. Very straight nose. He looks up with his cones figure.

He can't lift his arms up higher than this, but he looks up here. That's okay. So you said Gina assaulted somebody? I didn't get the full story No, but where is she? I had to ask you to please. I did give her her winnings from the last game, though, that was part of the rules.

Well, I'll tell you what, I probably won't be assaulted anyone, but I sure did hear about your sentient dolo I might try to assault that later. Oh, well, he's pretty friendly. Great. You did be flying on an ottoman just in the corner of the room

right next to a very... It is a sign that says, please don't touch. Like, take to it. Hey, let's see an introduction. Let's roll play that a little bit. It's lying there. No one's touching it. Ravioli, you haven't spent, you only have 2,500 gold pieces in your pack.

I'm sorry, Ravioli. You didn't get the full 3,000. I had to take some from your winnings in order to pay Sherry's berries who thought they had an exclusive sponsorship deal. What the hell? I've been busting my ass for 23 hours being a Sherry's Barry's fan. I can't believe it worked.

We were only supposed to get one sponsor. She's left with the note, but instead one sponsor. You are all supposed to just go talk to one business. This wouldn't have happened if you were just hired strippers like I did. This has a sponsorship. It doesn't count. Well, they viewed as far as sponsor of tasteful cream pies. I had to reduce our legal risks and they accepted some money.

I also put in 500 my own winnings, so just understand. I'm trying to do the best with the team. Wait, how much winnings do you get coach? I get the same as you. Why? Well, that doesn't even seem remotely fair. I, to take coach the team. He gives us that playbook and gives us two special moves every time.

Only after the one time he didn't give us the playbook. You can't even lift your arms. What are you going to be doing with that extra 500 gold anyway? You can't even manage anybody. You wouldn't even be after it wasn't for me. Maybe you should buy yourself. yourself a neck. You extra toned son of a bitch. I don't have the money for any of this. I'm trying to say vaub stop. Hey, don't worry, coach. This is just more material for us to resolve with the B-plot of the bondage. Why don't I show you what Godsy really means? Let's get out of the track. Okay. Let's go. I'm going to find this buncho. Gosh, I wish I could think of a name for my future beer company. Biancie Zer just doesn't have a ring to it.

Don't you just name it Gaspachos? That's a good idea for a small royalty fee I'd let you name it Gaspacho. I get it to be it. Nobody. He just wants it to pay his back. No, I just want to cut of all profits. You discuss once yourself as you read the usual place and find your way to the training field where you are going to be engaged in some sort of training, I don't know, training, I don't know.

Let me switch over to the music. I'm going to have you all running, running the track, and I'm going to take you each aside, and then we are going to talk about your advantages on the field and how we can boost them. Understand? Okay. Church swim! Of course, coach. You said running?

What? Go run. Oh. Come on, we leave the way. Boom. Boom. I'm fast with all of you. A bit more wobble away.

Please take you with me. What are you good at on the field? How are you going to win? And what feet did you choose for yourself? I took tough. You took tough. So I gained six extra hit points because I'm big and thick. All right, I want you to take the pitch paddles.

And I want you to lob at this wall over and over until you hit yourself. And just start toughening off. And eventually you'll be strong if you need a strong goalie for this purpose. I just weigh more. I'm not stronger. Just fat. But your scheme doesn't have the necessary challenges then, that that fat will provide a tough barrier. Well, I'm trying not to turn into you, because unlike you, I have a knack, and I'd like to preserve that.

But sure, I'll go do it. I'm very sensitive about my neck. Go, go, do it. I beat myself, I guess. I feel somewhere. You start self-futinating, and eventually you start to go beyond bruising, and you find yourself numb to the pain, and pretty soon, you start. feel that tough feet, same way. Yatsy.

Stop running. Hey! Hey! Hey! I took a lucky, coach. All right. Here's a coin. Take it.

Hey, I was thinking maybe we could do a, uh, a montage training that was part of a balanced breakfast. We don't have time. Take this coin. Ah, gosh, for you in Skos, you hate cereal. Fine. I want you to flip. I want you to flip this until you only get tailed ten times in a row. Well, gosh, that seems very statistically unlikely to ever happen.

It would be very lucky if you have the chance for that, but I think you can do it. Wait, why would that be lucky? That doesn't make any sense. What do you say? This is not a very relevant training. Are you coaching in your coach? Well, I mean, I guess I have a little bit. It's very perplexing that I would just put a coin. Me by all, uh, old Lungis over there is smacking yourself. with a wooden rod. Do you 20 push up for me right now?

That makes more sense. What have you chosen? I pull out a drinking horn and I'm like taking sense. Well, coach, I have to be honest with you, since I've taken up this new hobby of libations, I've been spending a lot of time in bars and worried about you. Beating the absolute shit out of patrons

who are a little bit testy. You're not going to be 300. I already am 300. Oh. Is that true? It is true. Loxidon lived to be about 450. That's pretty good.

I am my brother's older brother. And so how are you going to engage the fee of the battle? Well, I took Tavern Brawler. He jumped at you and immediately starts to put you into like a hole. I summon the strength of ten drunk men. And I attempted to beat the ever-living shit out of him. Like the patrons who have started shit in random bars. across Gulfica. Despite this, it's actually a tip for tat.

Even though he can't do this, he'd spill very content. You find that... He has no nap! Go for the nap! As you go into like there, he flips out from underneath you, and you find your huge hook on your back. Pretty soon, you find yourself best in him. He teaches you a few things in the brawl, and you were in a certain of the tavern brawler. I gotta say you gave me quite the fight.

I'm bad I could help. Don't say I never did anything for you. Agreed. Agreed. Thank you, coach. Ravioli, what are you going to bring to the competition tomorrow? Well, I thought that I was pretty lucky, too, and I would flip coins for you if you wanted.

I mean, I'd rather not do push-ups, though. Do 20 push-ups! Can Gis Baccio? Get your head in the game! Ravi, Gaspacho can flip the coins. You do the push-ups. We'll have... We're playing tomorrow.

right the next day. I'm going to have Gispochow cast the flying thing on me and I'm just going to vary like, you'll make a deception show.

Tadda. Incredible. Cheap cheating. Uh, uh, 14, I believe. You fail.

Uh, you think you can, you think you can cheat your way through this? You're not going to be able to cheat tomorrow. The judges see all. It's not cheating. I mean, this is just part of what I

Who? Flying is not part of the game and you know that. Well, it's more like levitating. Is it like this? No, it's fly. He kicks you up and he'll sufflikes with you. Before he can supple at, fly, well. Come back here, get your head in the game, master! Doodles!

How are you going to bring your best selves to the game tomorrow? Well, I saw a poster in the hotel for the event next weekend, the running of the Loxidon. It's in Northern Daltica. And I thought I could try to be a charger like them, like the mighty running Loxidon. What be it? Charger. Good. That makes sense.

I want your heads in the game. And that's next week. The game is tomorrow. But I think the stars may be aligned in this game. I need you to continue running. Oh, I'm afraid I'll be too tired. I better save my energy. Don't stop!

And he smacks your ass. Oh, yay, and I'll wattle away. And I would say that you all start to work in these same way of push-ups and brawling and running. It's the traditional montage. I can't think of a better way to DM that's the thing that it happens. So we're solving our difference. It's going to be blunt. Can be team by five at the end.

With our Trump. Charles Smith! I have a feeling! I can't do this. You do a water drop sound, I didn't do this. Um... That's gonna be our montage, ten minutes. Can we get a difference? Can we get a different?

C, clip this or something? No, I just sound like I'm farting. It's not the same. Um, you eventually make your way back towards the inn after a long. after a long, grueling, hard day of work. So grueling, you'd worry maybe you'll be a little sore tomorrow, and the stress and tension and anticipation of going into tomorrow's final championship game and potentially when you wish for yourself and your teammates starts the dawn on you. What are you guys doing as you start to make your way of the usual place?

Well, I've got to be honest, as tiring as this day was, and I'm very sore. I can't think of a better way to melt off the stress of the day other than maybe hitting up pointier's and voluptuous rears. Hey, I've been thinking of the same thing ever since you mentioned that there were some young ladies putting themselves to Wizards College.

You think they know the enlarged spell? Oh, my friend, let me tell you they do. Also, I decided that I'm definitely going to start preaching a new religion because I can tell the distaste that you all had for gigantes elephonse. I hate that guy. He sounds like a bit. I agree.

But the point is that I'm working on a new holy scripture called the Thibyl. Oh, God. The Thibble? Tell us more. Is that like a thimble? It's different. It's more about the book of thighs. It's my religion.

It's my religion. Are you saying Sighs with a least? You already have one follower. Look at that. Thighs. Like the most beautiful. part of the human figure. I see you're a man of taste as well.

We high-fired. I really doubt it for a second with all that religion business. You know, it's the opiate of the masses, as they say. Do you think they know the reduced spell for my undercarriage? Let's hope now. We can all find out. I'm quite loose, so I could... Oh, wow.

I didn't think that's what you were going to. Oh, yeah, I know. I'm right. Oh, yeah. Yikes. Well. Oh, man, did we get the same lucky at the same time? Because all I got is a big yikes for me.

So many 21st birthday parties, you know, it's all. How many first birthday parties have you had? More than I can count. I think you're only supposed to have the one. How old are you? I don't remember. But I could use that reduced scale for that. 21 for 21.

I'm going to go make a big pot of pasta for Zool. Hey, that doesn't sound too bad. Hey, guys, what do you say? We eat our, we eat until we're sick on pasta for zool, and then drink until we're sick, and puke all over. I don't want to do this. Just have a little pasta. Just have a beer or two, and then call it tonight.

You need to be 100% tomorrow. No scorns. That's what gave me food for. I would love to have some pasta for sure, but I'm absolutely going to the strip club. I do keep mentioning a lot. I mean, since we started today, I've heard the term, pointy ears and rounded thighs. I think if they have been shapely voluptuous, it's all the same.

They're all fantastic. I've heard that name at least three or four. They should be paying you to do advertising. Oh, yeah, we're sponsored. I'm going to be honest. If I can win this Flemfowl championship, which we will, no thanks to any gods here or there, I may have enough money to go part-time owner of this place.

You can part-time own things? Yes, part-time owner. Wow. I mean, I'm also going to be a famous Fleenfell champion player. I can't just also dedicate my entire life to running his trip club, but I can be a part-time owner. Who owns it the rest of the time? I don't know, that dwarf guy that I gave all the money to. Hey, what if he wished that he was just dead?

Who do I wish this? What? The dwarf guy. And then you just take it yourself? No, he's a fantastic businessman. I hope that he continues to run his establishment. I just want to also be a part owner. That's all.

Well, sucks. I might just wish he is dead. for the hecker. Don't you dare. He's a fantastic man. He got all of those strippers. Well, do you think he can do a little better? I'll talk to. Listen to me all of you. I have to go. But, I swear to St. Cuthbert, that if you don't want, we don't win tomorrow, I'll sleep into your room in the night and slit all of your throats. We're so close. Do you understand? Hey, that's awfully violent. I think Gina and I was slip into your room before you even get a chance dear bud.

I'm still quite strong. With no neck. I got to say, coach, it sounds like you really have a lot of regret given your injury and you're just trying to live vicariously through our own victory. Have you ever thought about taking up a hobby

like maybe woodwindling? Or pardoning a business? Or maybe owning a time of share. I could teach you a few things. No, you could call on it. You could call on it with him and then maybe you could go on vacation sometime. We take

Gospacho with you. For a small royal Pia, I'll let you call it Gospacho. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous about the game tomorrow. I just really, really want to win. I will back off. I just, please take it easy tonight. I'm just going to use some pasta for Zool and some Galaamara

and some Gable. That's all I'm going to do. Do you want to stay for all that? I'm not going to be able to eat. I'm going to go to my You don't want any Gaba Gau? Look, listen. I think you should stay for some Gavago. I do have to go back to the strip club. though because a good friend of mine that I was talking to last night, his name is Dusty.

He actually was going to help me expand upon the scriptures and we're going to start adding the new restimate. Bondson, then he turns and he leaves you in the lobby of the hotel. Why does that guy get a cut of so much of our winnings? So useless. He gets one seventh and he's out coach. I think that's pretty fair. I just feel like he keeps leaving us to do it ourselves.

He doesn't even want to stay for some passes. And every morning with the scones. I know. Good morning. It must be some really expansive school. Every morning. It's like, come on, let's try something else. Maybe, you know what, he doesn't, he wants a breakfast, but he doesn't want to balance breakfast. Maybe a nice fruit salad.

Well, no, I was thinking a nice bowl of lucky charms. Part of this balanced breakfast. You hear a voice from across the lobby, and you hear, well, look who it is. And pretty soon you turn. see the bloodhops all standing across the way just at the entrance of the hotel. The six of them all outnumbering five of you, long dark, burn-light hair, very dark green skin, their eyes almost black with energy at some kind. And they're all standing there in a perfect, a perfect bee standing there and looking at you.

It's the mighty trots. Good luck with the game tomorrow. We don't need luck. We will crush you. And harvest your skulls for gigantes, elephonchos, illustrious. I need luck. I don't say anything bad about luck. I could use some luck.

You got some luck? Is that a real god? It's the elephant amongst stars, and when I harvest your skulls for him, you'll meet him. An elephant amongst the scars would suffocates from the lack of oxygen. Oh, wow. You know? Wow!

Did you go to Space King? Unless it's not figurative, then it's like a constellation that kind of looks like an Like a lie, but I couldn't get in. Maybe it's a constellation elephant, God. Hey, hey, you stupid elves. You know what? I don't need additional luck. I have all the luck I need with a nice bowl of lucky charms.

Part of this balance. Why do you keep talking about lucky charms? Because I feel like I need to earn this luck sponsorship I got. Wait, you're also sponsored? My luck. Hard stars and horseshoes, clovers and blue boots. Pots of golden rainbows, but gosh, you better not forget those red bleeds. Let's go. His mind is clearly gone. And they start to turn in unison. They all immediately sort of make their way up towards the center of a balcony that leads up to the rooms of the sun. After the last few nights, I never thought I'd be unhappy to see some pointy years. Oh, they're magically delicious. I forgot.

tagline, oh, I'm never giving you a day. They make their way out. Do you spend the night, how you spend your night? Whatever you would have liked to have done to prepare for the game or... Yeah, no, I'm going back to triple. Yeah. I'm going to, before we do that, I'm going to say,

hey, Ravioli, I think it's time the night before the big game. We need to recreate the prison seed from Goodfellas. Get to it. Oh, yeah. Wait, remind me, how does it go? I remember that They made a big pot of sauce or gravy, as I'd say.

But don't forget to cut the garlic razor fins or melts in the pad. Of course. You got a lot of time in prison. You got a lot of time. In the culinary school, they show you that scene when you learn how to cut garlic. They do? They do. Yeah.

That's how, at least in the back of my kitchen, my version of culinary school, that's what they did. You have to make sure not to crowd the mushrooms or they won't brown. That's right. If you crowd the pan, you're going to. steam it. You're not going to get that nice kind of crispy glaze on. That does sound legitimate. It does. It is I read it in a book by Julia Child.

At what point do we start a drug ring? What? I mean, that's what happens in that No, we're just doing one scene. Different mushrooms. Different mushrooms. No, no. They already went to jail before the drug ring started, remember? It really kicks into overdrive

after they get out of prison. They start doing the whole eight minutes. We're just doing the one seat. Have you seen the film that he's talking about was what didn't have anything to do with drugs. Look, all I'm saying is... They had it about making pasta for Zool and garlic. Look, all I'm saying is that the booze isn't really doing it for me anymore, and I'm thinking that maybe we need to start taking it up the spot.

I heard this about this thing called Moonglow. Blow your socks right off. Um, well... Me, French, talking about stuff that'll blow your socks on. You're in the alley just in front of the stripper, uh, the strip club. What? What? Do you say something? What? Are you, uh, one of the night, marts?

The one and only team? What this guy looked like? This is a lizard folk. And he's very short for a lizard folk. He almost might assume that he's a co-hold if it wasn't for the fact that he clearly has the traditional wizard folk feature. He's not as dragon as he's definitely a lizard.

But he's wearing, he has his cloak up and he's sort of looking back and forth, nondescribally. What can we do for you? The way he's going to flash us and run away. I mean, that's essentially a pregame for what you're about to do at the strip club. Not if I do it first, I turn around and I'm new him. Just pull it to answer.

The only thing I'm going to, please put that away. I'm sorry. Are we all there? If you want to be wrong the way of the strip club. I'm just beating you to the punch. I'm talking through my legs. The only thing I'm going to flash friend is some of these magic vials. What are they?

Oh, this, if you drink this for the rest of the day, you'll have unlimited reactions. it's undetectable. You'll be able to win the match tomorrow. Well, I mean, but how does it make you feel? I don't need enhanced abilities to win that. Look, the booze makes me feel pretty good. Do you have anything that, you know, really put some pep in your step? I feel like that would be cheating. I don't care about cheating. I just, I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get a good, I'm trying to live life. It's not about feeling good unless you're winning, and this will help you be winning. Hey, Miss Lookech, is that you?

Do you work for the bloodhacks? The who? The opposing team. No, no, I represent my own interests. Who are you, Fred? And do you have anything more useful with that? I'm gonna be honest. Not an important, friend, and if you're not interested, then I...

I'm gonna be honest. I really expected you to give us some good, like, hard party drugs, not some of this enhancing bullshit. You really disappointed me here, you know, scuzzy, alley man. All right, all right, I'll see you again in four years, friend. No, hold on. Come on, you gotta have something better. Actually useful. Can I insight check him through my legs? Are you still mooning him?

Louise, with that. You see your own tail switching between your legs as you stare up with this guy. Make an inside check. What are you trying to insight? Just to see if he's being shady with this. Oh, he's definitely a shady character. Whether or not you believe if the product that he does does what it does, whether or not you believe that he is offering something that is undetectable,

you wouldn't be able to tell based on his demeanor. Okay. Back on, there's some other continents, and whispers go from continent to continent. Do you have anything like moon glow? Moon whispered. Mispur glow? I don't remember what it's called.

I've heard it so many times. I've got a cousin in town friend, name of Dr. Etouffé. He would be able to hook you up with some moon glow. I'm just here to sell this particular blue. Okay, well, listen, we're all on our way to the strip club, and there's a lot of people. I'd like to bring a good party with me.

Where can I meet this doctor at Dufe? Wait, are you talking about Wispglow? Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Yes, exactly. I did a book report about that in a trade. Well, have you seen, have you read the papers? 273 years ago. Have you seen what your brain looks like after one and a half pieces of Wipsblow?

If it's even... There's like eight holes. Like, you basically don't have a brain laughing. If it's any, if it's even remotely how I feel after drinking almost 16 gallons of ale, then I'm in. No, you turn into like a microcephalopod or something. I don't know what that means quite I don't know if you could have me I'm just trying to party with my good friend

Yancey. He gives you the address and you decide whether or not you want to go I head there immediately. Let's go! Now wait a minute. I'm trying to... Oh God, you're all looking at me and now I've gotten nervous. Hey! Tuttle! You look like

you're down on your luck and your nerves. You know what... I think you're... Yeah, you're low energy. You know how you would solve that with a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, part of this balanced breakfast. They're magically delicious. I'm going to stop you right there.

I'm diabetic. Oh. I was trying to remember if performance-enhancing drugs are against the rules of the game of the fleam flow. They almost certainly are. Any of what I remember that? You would remember that that's been, that you would remember specifically that that's why

one of the teams was eliminated from the competition for taking enhancing potions for the competition. You heard me speak aloud, my memories. We did. Lots of God never forget. Aren't you concerned? We've come so far. No, you have blisters on my blisters.

That's why we're not taking any kind of illicit performance-enhancing drugs. We're just trying to have fun. No, in my book report, I'm pretty sure Whistlow, after you use it, improves your performance in certain things. Yeah, you better not do any of those tonight. Because from what I understand is that it's just a real quick up and the- and kind of a horse down, but we're not going to worry about that. We're really just focused on the up. If Gino is here...

If Gino is here, she'd give us a couple of smokes, and then we'd all call it a fucking day. We're not going to be creeping around these alleys no more. I'd rather duck inside somewhere. All I want to do is talk to Dr. Et tufei, and then we can all go home. And by that, I mean, we can go to the strip club. I just would have seen what...

I mean, that guy had useless items. Dr. Dufet is a lot of good shit. That's what I'm saying. Oh, hey, Dr. Juffe, there you are now. Thank you, BN. If you want to... Yes, we do. We absolutely do it.

All right, I don't want to fucking do him. All right. He was not expected for. Just for a moment. I'm going to get on my wares. All right, let's do this. See, Abby knows exactly what's up. We're not taking performance ahead of drugs.

We're just doing regular drugs. Withflow is a performance enhancing drug. Well, we'll find out. Hey, friend. My cousin said you might be coming along. What are you doing? Wow, world travels quickly. Yeah, hi. Yeah, we're looking for drugs. Oh, well, we got a lot of drugs and got a lot of fantastical magical items. I have. We want some of those items.

Well, I also want the drugs, but I'm also interested in the items. I'm very interested in whatever other items you have. Well, we've got a potion of hydration. What does that do? Oh, it's very refreshing. It'll, it'll quench your thirst immediately. How does it work? You just drink it. You just quaff it up, friend, to take one. lot of faction to drink. What is it made of?

I wouldn't be able to tell you. I mean, I don't make the stuff. I just know what it does. That looks like water. It does look like water. Hey, and he's a gator. Just viz some gatorade. Well, perhaps... Got a lot of election life. I can see for a discernent individual such as yourself that you're

interested in some of the more rarer magical type items. Yes, of course. I have a lot of money to spend. Well, I have a ring of teleportation if you're interested. Well, that sounds actually pretty useful. It sounds like cheating. I mean, I don't... I'm not... going to use it in the game. I just, maybe if I want to go home and see my parents before the,

that, or after the game, please explain. Oh, just 800 gold pieces and you can put this on your finger, and after your tune, you'll be able to teleport anywhere you want. This one doesn't have an obvious hook that I'm obviously missing, so I'm not really sure where to go. I don't think I feel comfortable spending 800 gold piece on an item that I don't really understand where the hook is. Well, I mean, that's every purchase in the world, Fran. I think he wanted drugs. I don't think you want to do. Hey, I'll take it. That sounds great. Here you go. Okay.

800 gulfis. What else you got? If I'm in a hot climate. A stone of gravity detection, if you want, bagpipes of invisibility. We've got robe of the emperor, spell scroll of spell scroll. Wait, wait, go back to that robe of the emperor. Oh, yeah, yeah. That sounds like something I might be interested.

Oh, yeah, he pulls out a hanger and there's these beautifully woven tapestry-like, in an ornate pattern of different shapes and sizes and swirl. It's almost, it's the wonder coat from that musical. I can't remember the name of the top of it right now. The Technicolor Dreamcoat. It's a Technicolor dream coat. I don't know why they call it this, but there are gentlemen in the Red Light District of Galtega

who wear things exactly like that, and they seem very cool. Now, these will be able to make you invisible at will without issue. How much? Oh, this one. This one's a little steeper. That's going to be 5,000 gold pieces. I got to be honest, though. Wait, you said 5,000?

I did. I have 4,000. 99 gold pieces. Well, you know, if only you didn't... I gave one gold piece to the gentleman who brought me my beer! Well, you shouldn't have given all that money to those strippers. One, how dare you? Two, if I go invisible, how will anybody enjoy that lovely, lovely, beautiful coat?

Do you have one that doesn't go invisible? Well, we got the bagpipes. No, no, no, I want the coat. I want people seeing you. And do you have a hat with a big feather that goes with it? The prices are what they are, friend. Can I... I just want the non-magical version of that beautiful... beautiful coat.

What if I give you one gold worth of mayonnaise? Would that settle the score? Then I'm not going to have any money to spend on the strippers later. Well, maybe don't accept mayonnaise. Hey, if I was, if I'm visiting a volcano, you got anything good? Oh, you're visiting a volcano? Well, I've got this ring of lava breathing. Oh, what does that do?

Oh, it lets you breathe lava without issues. Oh, shucks, how much is it? That's another 800 goldfish. Oh, here it is, friend. There you go. It's been a dream to be able to breathe lava. I can't wait. Now, you only have one more detection slot left over,

but I could offer you this blue sword. Oh, what does it be? Oh, it's magically blue. Wait, you mean like the magic makes it blue? Yeah. But it's also a magic weapon. Sure. That's, you didn't seem very sincere in that lap.

You were very sincere in the not so sincere. I know what I've been told about this magical blue sword. It's magically blue friend. Do you want it? Or do you want some of this anti-sorty? I don't want it. I told you what I want. I want the non-magical version of that incredible, incredible, colorful coat.

And I'd like a hat with a feather to match it. I can't help you there. I think what you're saying is that he doesn't have a non-magical version. Do you have any drugs he wanted to do? Yes, I'm trying to bring the party to some friends. No, we don't have a good time. Imagine like alcohol times a thousand. Mikey, how much was the Whisp for, do you remember what the price was?

It was like 25 gold pieces or 50. It was dirty. It was it? dirt cheap. It was like 25 gold. Yeah. We have 5,000 gold. No, it wasn't like free though. It was like 50 gold. It was like it was like buying. It was dirt cheap.

I got money for days. He's transported this long way. And for 250 gold pieces, you'll be able to enjoy a dose that perhaps one, maybe two of you would be able to enjoy. So, but how long were the effects of the Whisp? We wouldn't know this, but in prime it wasn't very long.

No, it was 10 minutes and then it was 24 hours of hanging over. Right. So, my thought process, meta, would be if I were to take this drug, it wouldn't show up as a performance enhancer during the next day of the torment. Not an enhancer. Done. 250 gold pieces. All right, he sells you some whisked gloves.

Now, this is what I'm talking about. Dr. Ettaufei, you've finally proven yourself worthwhile. I can't wait to breathe all my wares are worthwhile friends. Please. Go on and breathe some lava, Gus. I mean, what's your name?

Yeah. My name is B. Yames see soon. it right? How long have we known each other, right, Violi? Ever since Space Camp would be met? Now, those look real fine on you, friend. Are you sure you don't want a ring of uncertainty? Oh, what does that do?

I'm not exactly sure. Insert, where? Let me guess it's also 800 gold pieces. I don't, well, I suppose it might be, I guess. Can I enter you ladies in a fine ring of uncertainty? Well, I thought you said a

ring of insert somewhere and I did catch the rest of that but do you have anything of the rejection time my friend told me that you were very promiscuous she saw your ass right away and very loose uh well this ring won't help with that I'm not to be honest I can't tell you what it does well I mean that's in the name isn't it I suppose it is hey I feel like I have too many magical items I'm I've been too many two many magical items I'm a But tune and tune bend to get anything to help of that? Well, not anymore. I used to have a ring of greater attunement, but somebody bought it. Dang!

Well, shucks. Okay, bye! I'm fucking with a timeline now. Is there a garment district? There would be. It's not that late. I want to go past the garment district on the way to the strip clock. Okay. You turn around. At this point, you've made like a giant triangle, and you make your way through the garment district. I'll say that none of the items looked as great as that coat. I want to buy a pimp coat and a Pimp hat.

Yeah, I would say that for 10, 15 gold pieces, you're able to find a very, very luxuriously plush, Pimp hat and... Thank you, Derek. It has a massive, like, woolly mammoth fur on the cuffs, and, excuse me, it had itself this glorious plumage. Incredible. I'm a Willy Loxidon. Did you know that?

well, I'm wearing parts of you or maybe your ancestors. How does that feel? Well, I'm not sure there's a relation. I mean, my family, we're immigrants from, from, what's that continent down south? I don't know what you're talking about. Are you, are you, dang? I mean, unless they went all the way down there and killed my, killed my great uncle and skinned him and brought him up. Well, shut that'd be tragic.

Did you guys end up buying any additional items from Dr. Etoufay or, Was he the only one to grab the whiz blow? I'm saving my money for space camp, hopefully. Maybe I'll join you. There is a chance that you could be wearing part of me, even, because I tend to donate my hair to loxidines of love. I would be honored, but I suppose then that that would mean that the... It's usually my pubic hair.

I can see that, yeah. They're curly, for sure. Loxidon being known for their very fine, luxurious hair. no it's just those little like single heart strands little like bristles same as I said it too bad well I guess it's time to go to bed or else

it's time to go to the strip club and then eventually we just end up in bed and it goes for the sake of brevity because we have a game to play if we're going to the strip club I'm popping the whistle and parting on my head I got to check on the past the fazoo and the gravy I didn't find that reduction portion for my undergris And your carriage.

You look for a diminution and I would say that Golteca being what it is, you would probably be able to find a shop that has them. Whether or not you get there in time because it's starting to get later and later in the evening

is up to the DM. I hope we find it. I would say that you find it if you wanted to buy it. Is there a label on the back? It would be in a potion, like it wouldn't be in a shady alley like Dr. Atrudeau

you actually find a legitimate potion shop and it would be whatever the same magical item price would be. I'm sure that would be like, for Diminition, I'm sure it'd be like thousands of gold pieces though because of how ridiculous potion prices gets very quickly. I don't remember. So probably more than I can afford. If you want to Google it, then I will give you whatever the same magical item price is on Dimination, but you won't be able to use it during the competition. I just wanted to use it on her original.

She was going to read the label on the back to see if it said like, do not use her, around extremities. For external use only. When you talk to the shop owner, he doesn't understand exactly what you mean at first, and then he's like, oh, no, this does everything. I'm sorry. Do you still want it? And I just sound that you return to them.

Hang my head and walk out of the shop. Maybe try Everwood's Emporium, and then he sends you on your way. Do you want some mayonnaise to chew up? You know, I think that's how you get an infaction. I already have it. Oh, do you want some battery acid? I tap my dog.

Wait, it can do both? Yeah, you want some honey, and I'll tap that on this one. I love it was just mayo. What other things can do? I don't want to tell you what it can do. Hey, hey, hey, ravioli. Ravioli, you just got much cooler in my book. No, no.

Her slap dance is on me. Does it help with the itchy? You don't even know what my bottle of red does, no. Raphaoli, do you know what honey goes great with? A nice bowl of lucky charred. of this balanced breakfast, they're magically delicious. Oh, my blood sugar. You want some honey?

The Whistlow. What is the reduction, do you remember? That's fucked up. Oh, fuck. I got like disadvantaged in- somewhere. I believe it was one or two attributes getting subtracted by two for 24 hours.

It's decks, yeah, decks and and charisma minus two. Oh, for 24 hours. For 24 hours, so going to tomorrow. All right, so decks. Oh, that's fine. My decks is shit anyway. So I can modify it.

So, yes, minus four of the stat, but minus two for... Other modifiers, maybe minus two. And then you said for charisma? Oh, we're golden, baby. This doesn't even do anything. For paladin, charisma? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, I'm not worried about it.

I'm good. But out of character... Yeah, no, I was asking out of character. Sorry. I thought it was only man. Acid, basic poison, beer, honey, mayonnaise, oil, beer. Fresh water, salt water, and wine.

You've been holding out of all? Bavar. I would never want to tell Babbar. My one dream in life is to be a professional championship winning Fleenflower player. You, you son of a bitch. I'm not going to give

you access to a limited four gallons of beer. Gensi, out of character. Did you hear this shit? He has a machine that makes beer unlimited amounts. I don't trust any beer that comes from magic. My parents were killed.

by magic. Beggers can't be choosers. It's a very dark back story. Very sad. Mr. Magic came knocking in the door one day and I said, oh, hey. This is all our character. It must be a doctor. It must be Dr. Seuss to take

care of my sick little sister. And then it was Mr. Magic and he used magic to kill all of my family. My whole family. What kind of magic? What kind of magic? Who knew me?

No, it was just magic. You have to tell the story of all of us. Oh, like a guy named Magic. Well, no, he was Mr. Magic, but then he also used magic. You enjoy the benefits of the long. Hey, geez. And pretty soon you find yourself waking up in the morning, not being rudely shaken awake by Eggman as you had been the previous day,

but instead able to sleep in a little bit. You know that the game is right in the middle of the day about two. three o'clock and that you have a few hours to prepare as you've noticed that it's morning out at this point. Good. God, that wisp glow. Oh, Lord, does it absolutely mess you

up the next day? Imagine, like, a bolt of lightning strikes you between the eyes. It goes up your brain, down your spine, and then right out the tip of your dick. My uncle dick tip with really hit the whistleblown. And it really turned to be to a

useless, society, but will finish. Well, he probably had at least eight holes in his brain. He got microcephal a part of this. He's not like any other day that ends in a why when I'm on my knees. I can definitely say that it will be at least, at least a week, maybe three days before I try with spa again. Good God. You're right, though, the holes in the brain, I heard it on Lopra.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you say Lopra? Opsidon Oprah? She's famous. Haven't hired about us? That's her full name! To be fair, Gigantes, Elephantus, doesn't let us watch too much magic cable.

Do you also, like not celebrate holidays and that kind of thing? No, none of it. Wow, that sounds like Horneville's... Well, that's why I ditched that chump and kicked him to the curb. I just walk out of the door and I... Is your horace of a letter? Oh, is it more scones? Is it from you?

Oh, yes, we actually do have some scones in the... No! I slammed the wards! The scones crash into him and... And he collapses in the hallway, covered in. Your scones. You open the letter and discover that it's Egiman asking you to make your way down to the locker room for a final sort of hustle. He's talking to the cheerleaders and getting organized for the day, but to make your way in time.

He's talking to the cheerleaders. It wants us to make our way down there. Guys, look at the time. We're going to be late. We should hurry right now. And I'll talk about gigantic reason point of ears. What's going to do? We should go now.

Cut them up, Carmel, let's go. Oh, I'll pick up the dildo. The spot show, let's go. Oh, hold on. Yes, physical contact. I care for it greatly. I know, Carmel, I left you all day. I've got a really good friend.

The things I can teach you. How does Kelsey end up with multiple sentient items in multiple campaigns? Just lucky, I guess. I know that's, speaking of lucky, why don't we pause for a nice bowl of lucky job? or part of this balanced breakfast. They're magically delicious.

My knowledge has been passed down for vaginorations. Dancy, I gotta be honest. I'm getting real tired of your shit. Well, I guess, you know, I got my own private sponsorship. I like you a lot better when we're drinking. Well, maybe you should have a drink that already. Fine. I had anything to prevent this horrible, horrible headache.

Wash it out with orange juice, which is part of a balanced breakfast along with Lucky Charms. By Milton Bradley. You guys make your way out of the usual place and down to the Goodbury Square where the competitive arena is placed. And you're able to make your way down to the lockerbox. And the entire time you're hearing the most suggestive announcements from the Senscheon Dilda that you're in contact with. But the rest of you are discussing... I put a little floppy hat on the top and draw off.

Yes, absolutely. You do that. You find a hat easily, perhaps a fan. throws it at you. You know the kind I mean. A little floppy brim. Sort of like a fisherman's hat. Like a bucket hat. A bucket hat.

Okay. A guilligan man. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, 100%. You're able to fit it over the top of this. It's surprisingly head-shaped this gildo, so it fits immediately and cleanly. And you eventually make your way into the locker room.

Where the cheerleaders are exiting and Egeman, Coach Eggman turns to you. You have made it. How are you feeling? I feel like I'm ready to go. Like my head is clear. All right. The Broadhawks are a formidable team, so you're going to have to give it everything you've got.

Are you ready? I've never been more ready in my life. What's happened to you? What do you mean? What do you mean? Look at your face. I'm a little... You look like shit.

You're a mess. I'm a little rough, but I'm ready. I'm ready to go. Your eyebags have bags. I've gotten this far on my own merit, and I will continue to do it. Hold on, if you eat Gaspachos yesterday, corpse, you'll feel much better? Don't you?

No, that's for me. Don't you. He needs some meat. He needs a bubble of fucking charge. That bar choked and jumps in and grabs the body of potato. No! No! Everywhere.

No! Not here. Not the different rubles. Have to make a constitution saving throw to see how well you do with the throwing now. Babar vomits everywhere. Sorry, I spoke over time. Not good.

I got a six. I'm going to struggle to rip him out of your hands. Which is a... Oh, actually, no, I got an 11. He definitely pulls it from your hands. No! And throws it into the trash. None of this.

Finally of you! I need you in top peak physical condition. I got 11. And 11, it's a pretty good amount of vomit. It's not like a projectile vomiting, but it falls waterfall style under the ground. I'm sorry, this never happens to me, I swear. This is a nightmare.

It's bad luck. I haven't had my Spacho scans yet 10th morning. I don't know if we're going to win. Hey, but don't fret there is some silver lightning. If the field opens up and we all fall into lava, I'll be able to breathe in it. No potions on the field. No, it's just a ring.

I'll be able to breathe lava. What kind of rings did you buy it? I've got a lava ring. Oh. Wait, it lets you breathe lava? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you bought a ring of lava breathing. Hell yeah.

Hey! Are you sure if you know how that works? Yeah, it'll be fine. I can't wait until I jump into some loud, but start breathing. We're going to have to have a conversation after the game. It's going to be great. All right, are you guys ready to hustle? Are you ready to go?

I just crushed a national bohemian. I feel like a billion bucks. Do you have an extra? Yeah, here you go, thank you. I just feel like I need 15 seconds. Did you know that 15 seconds can save you 15 gold or more on a orgasm? I see you've been to the employee of Everwood's orgasm baths. No, I just met Carl.

Wait, wait, this is a thing is an orgasm bath? You've never been to Everwoods? No, I've been spending all of my time at pointy years and voluptuous or round rumpcious. That's a shithole. No, no wonder you look like the way you do. No, those men and women work very hard. I think they had that day to use the bathroom

and I was wondering why it was so steamy. I think I shat in the sex pole. Oh, God. Give me that. Stop talking to me. That's disgusting. No! Take care of him.

I will take care of him. He'll give me all my best ways. You're lying. You're going to take care of all you bring him right now. Do that. You don't know. You can't take him onto the field. I will hold on him.

No, thank you. No. I need 15 seconds to mount him. Well, you know. Argument for the life of all that is good for you. You do not let go. the gilder. You hear a whistle. You have to go right now and gives it to one

of the Jillian's the whole dog do. Judles, look at the silver line again. It's getting covered in shit. Maybe someone's idea of glory after. Get out there! I don't have to take the redaction portion. I follow Ravioli. He forces

you through the double doors and they swing wide open and you see the field. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. What is this shit? Oh, my God. What the fuck is this? There's no fucking... Oh, what? I'm scared.

I don't want to play anymore. You're pushed out into the field and you hear the loudest crash of sound and dim. From all directions, every single feet, every single seat in this stadium is filled with standing, screaming people. Fans and crowds are in every direction

that you look. You can see people. paper streamers coming down. You can see people waving signs and painted looking, looking just like Loxidon on their faces, having had their faces painted. You can see horns blaring out in all directions. The crowd is going absolutely insane. The bloodhawks on the exact opposite side of the field are already in their positions and you are stumbling out onto the hard grass hard pack of this field. You should have the... Here. the ball.

We just need a man-caller. Yeah. I don't know what happened to the ball. The ball, but I have a couple of it. That's the lucky ball. We can't play without that. What's it called again? The ringer.

Oh, the ringer. Because it rings the bell that does the work of the game. I always want to call it the Fleenbein. Yikes. That's the unofficial name. That's a great name. The Fleenen B. It's a great name.

Thank you for setting that up. we'll go over there and put the gel-mail in place. We. Beast. I always remember the cardinal directions of the Compass Rose, because in Boy Scouts, we learned that nasty eagles suck whales. That's great. I never learned that I always learned that every average dog gets bones every day.

What? Oh, that doesn't work at all. I was like, what? No, that's for the strings of a guitar. Every good boy does find face in the space. Hey, here, there's two more to think of... My dear aunt Sally, what is it? That's Pemdos.

Please excuse my dear aunt Sally. That's right. And then there's the Pemdos. Pemdos? It's parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, subtraction, or addition subtraction. Which Pemnoss is even really a thing. And then there's also the planet,

which is my very energetic mother. Wait, are there two ringers? bought us nine pizzas or some shit, but Pluto got fought. And then also bought us pizzas. Pluto's back? Yeah. It's back. Yeah.

It's a planet. Prove it. Someone said it's a planet. Someone said it's a link. Pluto's not back. Pluto's not back. It's smaller than some moons. Pluto's not bad.

Pluto's a planet. No, it is not. I've been blown away. Pluto can suck. Neil deGrasseon is weeping in his grave. Is Pluto a planet? 2019. Yeah, let's, I want to answer this question before we...

Fuck it, we'll do it live. Fuck it, we'll do it live. We're going to find out if Pluto's a planet first is very important. Just hold on in that Hurries is a dwarf planet, but I don't, actually, I don't believe anything that Reed says ever. So this is... According to NASA.gov, it's a dwarf planet. What did I say? That's even better than regular one, because it's...

Exactly. It's a planet. What did I say? What did I say? I mean, you're technically correct, which is the best... I thought that it was, I'm gonna have Wikipedia this way now because. They went back on it. They made it a non-planet.

What a bunch of a non-planet? Because was it a non-planet or has it been, was it always upgraded from a planet to a dwarf planet? No, it was. They removed it to not a planet, whatever it was. Okay. And then they upgraded it back to a planet just a dwarf planet. That sounds like a bunch of non-committal flip-flopers.

Thank you, Matt. Yeah, it was dropped and then brought back up to a dwarf planet. I'm exactly right. You go, Pluto. My entire worldview has been shattered. I can't play the indie anymore. Well, that's too bad. Hey, Yancey, what's your favorite planet?

Hey! Hold on, let me sit down with a nice cup of Joe to go with my lucky charm. It's part of the beverage. Hi, everybody. You know what? I don't care for a dwarf planet. Mine is the sun.

It's like the king of planets. All right, where we're going here? I forget who everybody is. This is Yancy. Yancey's got to be up front. So my only question is, where does the stone start? Oh, it's going to start in one of the other position. It's going to be like random

It starts randomly Okay For the lack of a better word West is going to be the one that's closest to you And yes It's going to be Oh I didn't write I didn't put the

I got you fam He made it He made one Look look I'm not gonna say it That with glow didn't affect you at all All right All right he's on it

Okay so where are we here I forget who the You're Zingu No you're you're you're You're Sigmund Freud Where Oh you're Is my in the ball

Oh shit We don't actually know. The world full is the bell. So the bell is no longer just on one space. You can look out and you see that on the normal tower where the small bell that had been planted that would hit the wooden structure and then rotate the column and eventually rock the column and ring the bell. This thing is now just like a huge hat that sits over the entire thing.

This massive super bell that's been brought out for this final game. Can you not stand in that space? You cannot stand on those four spaces. Does anybody have an opposition to what I've done? No? Do you feel about this? Any challenges to that configuration? We need this spot, Joe.

Right. I can place him here, here, I figure. Who's the... We need a D.B. Who's the keeper? I mean, our keeper's been... It's me. Louise.

Louise. So as long as both me and Gisbacho are on the front line. That's fine. So I need to be a little member. Now that is so huge, we're going to need a backline. We might. So I'll play D-Fa-Fa-Fatio. So as long as...

Spachoscho's on the front line, put me back towards defense. This is a Spachro now. No, but the Spachio's a penny, right? Well, we were going to use D-B as that we can. We can use... That's right. So where do you want... Oh, fuck.

This is a nightmare. I will say that you... This is an adjunct nightmare. Do see that the... You do see that the... What's the word I'm looking for? It's on the West column to start. Okay.

I already know strategy, ladies and gentlemen. Hey! Did we learn a special move from coach or just the feat? Get based my sponsorship with Lucky Char. The feet were the equivalent of the playbook. Well, Babar really fucked himself here. For RP, for RP's sake, that ball put himself in a ditch.

What do you want with RP? I believe that's the restaurant now. We'll, yeah, we'll start the thing. It's good the music going. So I'm just going to point this out since you're all over there first. Come on and slam and welcome to the jam. Welcome to the final 42nd Grand Sleen Thelelal championship. My name is Tank Hammerball, and I'm there a day.

Welcome, everyone, welcome all. And before we get started, I believe that we have a special little something, Rondo de Cesto, great-great-grandson of the great Massimo, a local Galtican, I'm sure you all know, is going to sing the Galtican's anthem. You see as a human figure walks out to the center of the field, and he is pretty tall, fair-looking, long black hair, and he amplifies his voice magically to sing out to the stadium.

We'll all Stan put their hand over one... What's his name? His name is Rondo. Rondo de Cesto. Rondo de Cesto, back the right. He stands there and very quickly launches into his performance. Oh! O say

Can you A mat skin can you see By the mat Four minutes passed And the good berry square The structures rise and up, stretching way up and Eight more minutes. And the home of the...

Sleam... ...the... ...golting... Well, that was an unusually embellished version of the Gultigan anthem. I'm not sure exactly what to make of that. Yes, it was very long. My thighs are asleep. The mascot that you all know and love, who represents Gaspacho, is standing there. Kill me!

End my existence. And I would like everyone to roll for initiative. That's the King's Whistle. We're off to the very final game of the very final championship. My initiative is minus one. I wonder why that is. Seven. Technically it should be minus two.

It's a modifier minus two, so it's minus four instead. But that's my. I did. I overrode the modifier. You already. You are a lot of way. Other modifier, minus two. Would you give a plus one to that?

That's a modifier on the score. Seven for Louise. Oh, other modifiers. Tuttle. What are you got? 16. 16. 16.

Not a modifier. What do you got, Ravioli? So how do you use that? So over, so what do you do about the right score is each? 14 for Raviol. You would just override the score? Yeah. To you have sex.

It's minus four. Well, I got a five then on my, no, sorry, I got a six on my initiative. You got a six. your initiative now that you're mechanically figured out how devastating the effects of whistleblowers are. I'm not worried about it. I'm going to not worry about it. Babbar?

Yeah, I got a six. And what do you got? I have a 12. A 12. Wow. Oh, this is no problem. Her bud. Babars never felt better.

Hey, you're looking a little rough. And they're off. Let's see what's going to happen. Number three is going to take the first turn of the game. He's going to go 35 feet forward. Who's going first? Three. One, two, three, four, five, six.

That's 30. Oh, fuck. What's up? I didn't understand that. She's trying to see if she's going next. Go ahead. We got time. Oh, do I need a B. Gina and track reactions?

Gina was excluded from the game? No, no, but she means take Nikki's role of helping you track reactions. Oh, thank you for reminding me. to do that. If you want to, you are certain well. That would be great. I think someone should. So if you want to do that, that way I don't have to as much bowls to juggle, so to speak. Here. Here, take

a barn is too well about that. Awkwa. Aqua's nothing without the belt of cloud, James. What's our initiative? Oh, I'll tell you. Yeah. Three, Tootles. Four. Hold on. Hold on. Tootles.

Four. but I rolled so high. Two. Not really. Ravioli. Five. Ravoli. Five.

Yeah. Hips instead of hands. That's clever. One. Uh-huh. Louise. Bavar. Dahlie, I went last.

What are you know? It's a valuable lesson about doing drugs. Drugs are a hell of a drug. If you've just done my grandmother's pasta for zoo instead. You need to do it. Drugs are. Um, you see. You see him run up and he jumps, grabs the last five feet and lands in almost like a ball configuration and then disappears.

Where he was, there's this thunder clap number three here, this bloodhawk. There's this instant explosion of sound. For 300 feet in all direction, there is the sound of like a thunderbolt going off, the crack of lightning. And he teleports to these... Right in front of the column on the east side next to Maya. Then the one, the next one down. Like, no, keep going. Next one.

Oh, I'm glad. He teleports there, and the ball from the Thunderclap explosion acts almost like an even more powerful thunderwave. It explodes doing... Yeah, we're in deep shift. 13 points of momentum damage. So we're at 23? Southeast.

Southeast. 23. 22. 21. 21. 20, 21, 19 and a half, it hits this and scatters. Okay, it's going to go... Holy shit, can he get his own fucking reaction? It's going to go, he would technically get it, but what was the speed that it was going? It was 19 and a half.

He will choose not to take it. Instead, it goes southwest. That's not good. Southwest, 19... Reaction. Yeah, so you have it at 19. Um, okay. I'm gonna.

Oh, shit. I have to try it. Initiative is kind of important on this man. Where's this spot? Yeah, he's here. He's here. Yeah, he's on the front line. Where? Just, um, anywhere.

You don't have the penny or the, the old flame blow ball? Oh, you did it? I missed it. So that's going to be 19, 18 and a half. It enters your range. And it's still 19? It's 18. It's 18 and a half, so it rolled down to 18. I will...

I got to take a crack out of it. Yeah, of course. I have to... Oh, boy. I'm going to use a lucky die. There we go. Natural 20th. Fuck you!

Yeah! So remember, you can curve the ball and get this motherfucker out of here. Yes. So I... Wait, what's the... You would have to use a bonus back, you can not curb the ball with just a reality.

Sorry, I lied. That's right. That's right. Just curling back at him, so... The plays that we learned last time still applied to this map. That's correct. There's just a chance that will run a sporn.

That's an ever-green of fashion. It goes always the same spot. So if we came back this way, it would hit here, right? Yeah. Where would it go? Sorry, hold on. We come down here. It bounces off.

It comes back here and it's going to hit here and then come here. And ultimately, if you hit it hard enough, it'll hit this filler. I believe. So I think you'll, you... No, it should be right here, right? There. Oh, maybe I was off by one. Yeah, I think you're off by one.

Uh, would, yeah. I mean, you still got to clear the ball. You got to get it downfield. Uh, the two guys in the middle are all for college. Wait, these? Yeah. Oh, shit. Uh, we need two more, two more de-force.

Uh, I'll just crack it that way and we'll see what... You want to go to distraction? Yeah, because it'll, if I hit it hard enough, I'll hit that guy. So what's your attack? So my attack is, um... And it's currently at 18.5. Before you deal that. This is the opening attack that we've come to expect from the Bloodhawks.

Let's see how Ravioli can do. Oh, he slams it. So I'm going to... So it's a D6, right? Yep. So 2D6, so it'll be 2D6 plus your modifier. Unless you're holding the blade, which I believe that's Louis's privilege. Correct.

And we have time to like prepare beforehand, like, rid of... Yeah, whatever he needed to do mechanically for that purpose. And I'm going to smack that phone. Smack it with an extra... So that's actually 46 damage plus... Plus three. Arcane weapon paddle. So

11, 12, 14, 14, 15, 16, 18, 18, 19, 20, plus three, 23. So 23 plus 18 and a half is going to be, what, 41. And a half? Yeah, some heat. 40.

I'm assuming no one wants to take the reactions here. No, that's 41. Yeah. No, no. Because 41. 5. Sorry, yes. You're right. I apologize. 41. 40. 39.

38. 37. 36. 36. 35. 34. 33 and a half to number one. You'll let it whiz five.

33. 32. 31. 30 and one half. To 5.1. To 5 or 1, it will hit 1. It will hit 1. if they don't take their reactions.

At 30 and a half. Clearly, an instant 20 damage. When will attempt to jump out of the way? What is it, 31? 31. No, 30 and a half, so 30. Is the dex check. He fails. So he's going to take 20 points of damage and then scatterback.

And we're looking for a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. The security saving 3 is not a reaction. It's only if you try to hit it, right? What number? took the damage. Number one took 20 points of damage. And Scatter die. Holy fuck. Good job.

This game actually may not take long. And let's go with Scatter die, right? Yeah. It's going to be a five, whatever that is. One, two, three, four, five. So it's going to come... So we've got 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23.

I don't have my reaction. 22. I will I can wait for it to go to 21 and a half. To whack it. Yes. I will attempt to do that. So I'm using my reaction.

The crowd is already going bonkers. Remind me again the stats for this thing, for this paddle. It's 1D10. It's a 1D6. Oh, no, your blade is a 1D10 plus your proficient. Proficiency plus your strength or your decks, whichever modifier you prefer to use. Okay, and to hit? To hit is just your...

Proficiency plus... Yeah, proficiency plus your strength of X. It's a finesse weapon. So it's whatever you prefer. Ooh, that would be a seven. It's gonna be a miss. Oh yeah, and we... Okay. So 20 and a half.

Do we remember how many... Twist of Fates did we have? We did get $15 too from... delay out of right now. Those are bits. They are good for re-rolls, but I would like to keep track with them because you may want to use them. We didn't discuss how many

twists that we have. They're not bits, right? They were just We did get, we did get like three twists of fate last last year. Right, I was saying that. They should have rolled over. I'm sorry to distract you. What number are you at? 20 and a half. So it's going to be

20 approaching my boy, a rap. Duck! Yeah, I mean, if you get lucky and double dodge, it goes right back the way we came. So do we have three twists? Is that the understanding? But they're used for max damage, right? They're used only for max damage.

Is he's 20? This is 20. All right, fail. So you will take 10 points of damage. Oh, wait, wait. It's plus four. I still fail. 10 points of damage and scatter die. We don't want a 7 or an 8 or a 6. Holy fuck. That's a 7.

that's a goal. Blam! That's the kind of aggressive action that we've come to expect from the Bloodhawks. That is a full round. Oh my goodness. Almost done before the end of the first person's turn.

Yeah. That's a nightmare. I'm sorry. It's a little for Stern first. The only thing I roll well is initiative. Let's reset the board. I didn't roll initiative. I'd roll nothing.

Is it another one now? It's I am. determined? Oh no, is it just automatically flip-flops? No, I pre-rolled them. It's just that it went west and the knees. Got it. It'll be different each time. Do we rerroll initiative? We do re-roll initiative, but however, I need to roll a D20. Oh, hell, you know.

First bell brought to you by the sovereign glue sovereigns. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. So now same thing, Mike. Uh, yeah, you can move it from here. So you move... I'm sorry, what was the question, Darren? He put him right back where he was. He was... What the fuck was he?

He was here, so he would have been here. Yeah. Um, you move it here and you crush it. We gotta get past one person. You hear Arthur Eggman's voice. You hear Coach Eggman and he's yelling out to get back into position. Don't worry, they start strong, but if you can last through, you just have to get some points on the board,

I believe you can do your job. And he yells over to the cheerleaders. And you see a line of 15 people. Seven, what were obviously strippers on one side. Seven of Sherry's berries, buried with a different berry on each of their heads on a hat. And in the middle, what is clearly a dress designed to look like an enormous pie, a woman's spinning around like that.

And she holds up an object that's wearing a very obvious fisherman's hat. She's like, not right now. I can't. I can't. No, stop suggesting that. Are we allowed to talk strategy and a meta perspective? I think for the... Yeah, this is a casual game of D&D.

We have to outlast their spell slots, I think is basically what you're saying. And then other than that, keep in up mind here where this ball starts, if you get up here first, Momo's for Gansi, you're going to want to move it one to the left or right and crush it because then we only have to get past a certain number of people, right? So this, that's like a full hit from here. Oh shit, where was it? Hold on, they moved.

Because over here it was they have a different, all right. I need to get a roll for initiative. Just pay attention to the layout. That's all I'm saying. If we get a good enough hit. That's what hell of a green pie! I got a six again.

24. Six for Bar. 24. Three antsy. So your only issue here, you actually, well, I don't want to be that guy, right? Man.

23. You can actually move it to this pillar and try to crush it in because there's two here. Where you got, turtles? But on this side, you might go to drill it right in. So it depends on... What do you got?

It doesn't go to score. Five. But you got to get past Cheney. I never get to play. You can't hard enough. Always pick less. And that's going to be for Louise. All right.

Come on, you can do it. Yes. And you still do that in the front row, that very favorite fan. Yeah. Come on, lock, let's go! And then at the top of the round, the cheerleaders have inspired you.

You all have an inspiration dice of 1B8 that you can spend it any time throughout the rest of the game. Oh, what's the initiative? Thanks, Carl! The initiative is five, yampsy, ravioli, oh, fuck. Three, four.

two one Leibar Luis took more deep shit what is to play defensive I guess no no I think well

we may not get that chance we are gonna play defensively because whoever's fucking going first five going first well no he's not gonna make the ball he's not gonna reach the ball we don't know that sorry I'm in like I'm in the full game mode

so if I'm too meta you tell me to stop I'm not gonna stop you from because this is like he Because I would... In the reality of this game, I am basically you guys yelling at each other these kinds of observations.

So I'm comfortable with that. Not a single person hit the ball after they... Oh, it's scattered that way. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. We got fucked by scattered. We've gotten very unlucky with scattered eyes.

Number five is running out onto the field. Actually, he's not going to run out on the field. He has the blade. Yeah. And you see him pat like so, and he looks at all. of you and he's like and that'll be what he doesn't

careful what you wish for you stupid elf Yancey you're up okay I'm gonna just lob it towards that motherfucker one two three four five six seven yeah yeah because there you go seven yep and then I'm gonna crack this motherfucker so you have to use your

bonus action use key points yeah fuck okay then you might want to just punch it straight in that's a hit I'll hit it should I just should I just should you should have Blow your load on the shit. So damage first. Great. That'll be...

I'm sorry. Take your time. Action. That'll be five points of damage. 15. You can definitely follow off on this. If you want to use a twist, you can do max damage. That's true. But that makes the DC harder to hit. So... Do on the last one. But those are de-force.

Right? But you want to hit, you want to follow up for more damage. Yeah, you're right. So I think. So I think go again. That's going to miss. I'll use a lucky die. Yeah, use it. Yeah, because we're just sending it. 13 plus, yeah.

Yeah, that hits. So you get another hit now. Okay. Oh, max damage. That's eight points. So that's going to be 23. Right? 15 plus 8 is from 3.

Mm-hmm. So I can definitely hit it. I can hit 23. You can try? You also have an inspiration die. Nine. Hold on. Nine plus six is 15,

which means you have to roll max damage to hit it on the inspiration. I'd have to align it. Right? I don't think so either. No, I don't think so either. That's just a miss. That's fine. Yeah. Okay. And that was your bonus action as well? Yes. So that's going to be 23 from here. 22, 21, 20. When it enters 10 feet of the creature. I think it's got to be there because that's more than 10 feet, right? The Bloodhawks have a reach of 10 feet. So with how we rule it Because 10 feet is in part of that square

That counts Oh, okay Well, he's gonna let it drop down Because it's technically what? Five, ten in a head Yeah, yeah But he's gonna let it drop down BAT a little bit

22, 21 Yeah, 20 would be one square more It would give him He'll let it drop to 19 That's 19 and a half Which rolls to 19 He'll try for it He'll try for it

He hits and he's going to smack it. Somewhere 3? Yeah. Didn't that, thank you for being on top of that. He uses his reaction. I believe they're wood elves, correct? Yes, wood elves.

And he's going to hit it, is he going to hit it straight back now? That'd be stupid. He'll hit it diagonally. Let me roll for damage. Stupid wood elves. He puts it, he put seven points of heat on that, and it's going to send it south.

So that's going to be 19. Yes. Southwest. 26 and a half so 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 you can hit that it's worth taking a try right yeah oh so the 20 damage i did the number one it's going right that's full heel now yep number one feels and heals between rounds yeah uh i thought it was perfect i got 14 it's a miss so now you can either take it or decks to get out of the way

dex need to get out of the way is probably the off more if i take it 10. It's, it, what was the, 20 is the, the, oh, I'm second. You take 10 points of damage and then it is scattered eyes, so we don't want that. You want to try to dodge. Yeah, I'm going to dodge it. Dodging is the optimal player.

And what is it to dodge again? It's the eighth, the DC, is the dexterity safer pro, and the DC is that equal to the momentum of the whole. So, that's 14. So you will take 10 points? Uh, I guess, nine. Nine points. Nine points. Nine points.

Nine points of damage because it rolls down to 19 and a half and scatter die. We don't want to see a. a, what is it? It's north. One. Okay, so it's going to bounce off her for 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13. We've ruled that it enters range at 13. 13, he'll take a crack at it. And what number is that?

One. He nails it. Hey, Wiley. Welcome. Welcome back, buddy. Yeah, I don't know how they have 10 foot each. That's curious. When you see is they have that long hair.

they're not actually reaching out with their paddles. They're whipping it with their hair as they the ball streaks across. That's cheating. That's cheating. Long hair don't cast. Can I use my thick ass trunk? That's eight. My wily trunk. Of heat and

8 on this, which was 13. He'll send it straight flying screaming south. So it's 13 plus 13 plus 13 plus is going to be 21. 20, 19, 18, 17, 17, 16, 15. You've already used a reaction. You can either take it and scatter or get out of the way and scatter. Dodge.

Come on, come on, come on. 20. 20. Yeah, there you go. So you pass. So it's 14, 13, it hits here in scatters. Okay. I'm going to start rolling these publicly again because you react to.

It's what it is. Five is going to go south. So it's going to bounce off here and go back in here. destroyed it. And that's going to be... And it's going to go northeast. 11.10. We survived the first fucking... Do you want to do like numbers around here? Just so we know,

scatter-wise. Usually I've got it, but yeah, I could have it. Holy hell. The Bloodhawks didn't score in the first five seconds of the round. I'm blown away. Hey, fuck you announcer. It's Chuck's weird. Yancey's coming out onto the field. Hi!

I've already out of the field. That doesn't make any sense to say. Have you ever had lucky charge? Oh, was that. Was that the answer? That was my turn. Yeah. Ravioli's making a move.

Oh, it's my turn. Gispochio, get on up there. One. One, two. Actually, one. Two. It's there, right? It's way out there, yeah.

Can you attack it? You can. One and a half, three, four, five. Six. Put him there. I am going to first run up to it. One and a half.

Ooh. Because I can only get like back here. Probably that. Okay. Oh, do you try to hit it and retreat? So I was going to hit it and then maybe have gazpacho follow up. You can do like a 15. You get past the gazpacho.

And then they get advantage on pass. So I, right. That's true. So what I'm going to... But that requires them having their reaction, correct? I'm sorry, I missed the hot. If you pass the ball to a teammate, does it require your teammate to have their reaction? Yes.

So, no, what I'm going to do is I'm going to stay there, and I'm going to firebolt it. Yeah, I'm here. That's fine. Just see where it scatters that hits. But you're trying to scatter it? You're trying to pass it to Gaspacho? No, no, no. No.

So I'm thinking that I hit it there and there into there and see where it goes. You want to hit it into this? Not that, into that. So you want a boop-ball. That's fine. How much damage is it? One. Five damage.

So it's going to be 15. Oh, no, no, sorry. One damage. Sorry, one damage. Eleven. So it's going to, at 10, it's going to hit this and scatter. And basically, it just goes one square. So it's fine.

Okay. That's fine. Because it's going to displace. Right north. Okay, so now Gaspacha will go in, and he will take a crack at it. Taking care of the cones. Very interesting. He will go in, because we get fucked by a look. That's true.

And he's going to cause a hot friar grease at the ringer and make an attack. What a wonderful smell! It hits. 1d6 plus 2. It's going to have yours. Five, five. four, five. Which direction? Would it hit this guy?

Yeah. Yeah. For five? Yeah. Fourteen, thirteen, twelve. Eleven and a half. Scattered that? Four. That's going to be. Eleven. Ten. Okay. I am done. All right. Number three is breaking out onto the field. Yeah. Make sure back corners. He's going to move 35 feet diagonally. towards the ball. Can he make it?

Uh, I don't know. I said 15. 35. He's going to take a first crack at it. Uh, he's going to hit, uh, and he's going to do nine points of damage, putting 19 momentum on it, but before it sends it away, he swings around again and misses. That's going to be, uh, nine total. Nine points of damage to it, momentum, uh, and he's going to hit it. Oh, man. Um, he doesn't have many options.

He's going to hit it Southwest. Uh, 18. Yancey. I should crack it, right? Definitely. Yeah, because, again, you might be able to just, like, fucking, do you ever, do you do it? Oh, 18.

Fuck. Oh, uh, I can use this. Yeah? Which I guarantee's it. I hit. Yeah, if you went off, do it. Yep, and I crush it. And then I'm going to do this.

Please, please, please. Four plus four is eight. Eight. So I'm just going to send it straight down one, I guess, right? Yeah, we were at what? We were at 18, right? Because it was 19, 18. So that's 26.

You want to send it straight down? Yeah. 25, 24. Three is going to use his reaction at 10 feet, and he's going to take a crack at it. What's the number? Three does not have his reaction. He does because he just took his turn. Oh, that's right.

25 and a half. So 24 and a half. No, he used to. No, but he just took his turn. So he would have had to refresh the reaction. misses it and now he no longer has his reaction back. Now is literally his turn, so he's on his turn. It's on his turn that he gets his reaction

back at the start of his turn. Are we on his turn? Yes. Yeah, he just took his turn. This is his turn. So what did I say it was 26? We said 25, 24 and a half, 24, 23, 22 and a half, it reaches 1. 10 foot range of 1. No, he doesn't have his reaction. he's going to try to dodge it

the way, 22 and a half? Goodness, great. Well, no, it'll be 21 and a half when it reaches him in that case to dodge. He missed, is it a miss?

Oh, it smacks him in the face. How much damage does that do to one? 21.5. 11 points of damage. 11 points of damage, my goodness. He takes it. He takes it. He long-headed fuck. And, uh,

we're going to go in the easterly direction. 21. 20, 19, 18, 17 and a half. He's taking it again. Can he dodge out of the way? No. Oh my goodness. So we'll take another seven points of damage on a scatter diet. Seven points of damage and that's going to scatter in the four direction. That looks like a southeast. 17, 16, 15, 14 and a half.

Three jumped out of the way. He succeeds. 14, 13 and a half. You already used your reaction? Yep. I should dodge it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the DC?

14. 14. I definitely failed. So you'll take four points of damage and scattered at 14. Magical bludgeoning. And then scatterdive. That's great. Four again.

South Carolina. South East. 13, 12, 11. It'll crush this pillar. Scatter-dye? Six. That's going to be Southwest. Ten.

You can take it, but... Hey, but it's behind our lines. You also might just want to let us take our turns. Number four's on top. He's going to... Come and get it, you stupid elf. Dash. He's going to dash forward, and he's going to go 70 feet

because this movement is 35. 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. All right, that's the conclusion of his turn. number two is going to go up and he's going to take a step backwards and he's going to do that same gesture like this. And then he's going to... You don't scare me!

Number one is going to go forward and can he get just 30 feet away from Yancey? 30 feet away from him? Yeah. So he can go here. Yeah, he wants to go

there and then he's going to send a pitch paddle in your direction. He's going to attempt to get you with a 25 to hit. I think that would be you. You make an athletics or an acrobatic saving throw. Your choice. The DC is what he attacked, so 25. A deck?

Is it a deck saving through? A check? A check? It's an athletics or an acrobatic, I guess, saving throw. It's a deck saving throw. That would be. So deck saving throw.

Yeah. Okay. Or strength. I guess. Yeah. When I wrote that down, protection. I was thinking athletics or acrobatic saving throw.

That's not a rule of the game. Let's go with 25 or be knocked at prone. 25, exactly. You get smashed like this, but you're able to turn around and you, from having done all those push-ups, pulling yourself right back up without issue. I'm feeling lucky.

Thanks to that balance of breakfast. You're welcome. My mind is in the game. I hope you like the scones. I hate scones. That's not balanced. What would he attempting to do? He was attempting to knock him out

with the pitch paddles. Everyone has these paddles, but he can walk. You can lob these, like, magical energy balls. You all have the ability to do this as an action if you want. Hitch paddles? Yes, but you have the blade. But anybody with a paddle can use a range of tactics or I knock someone from.

And that's, like, what, 30 feet? I would say that even personally with the blade has a paddle. Because you can pass the blade from person. That I didn't know. Okay. So is there any other benefit to having the blade outside of the 1D10? It's a 1D10 instead of a 1D7. And better chance to hit me?

No, it's just a 1D10. And if you want to keep it near the ground. goal because 1d10 gets it away from the goal. Right, right. Um, so basically the idea of the paddle, and what I'm thinking of meta knowledge here is if somebody's, if it's my turn, I know Ganty's gone up next, I can basically try to knock somebody prone and have Yancey killed, go for the kill shot. Bavar is up next, then Louise, then took, but I'm going to get the rest of them.

Right, so the bar is up next, then Louise. So number two, just try to knock him prone? Oh, one, try to knock me prone. Oh, okay. You can't pass it to me because I use my reaction. It sucks. This is not good. So everybody knew we're playing Fleen Fowl, which is a kind of D&D rules sports game that Derek invented.

And we are in the final match. It's the Bradford finals, ladies and gentlemen. So this is what the four of the ones. You've done this? I think four. Yeah. A month of flea flower. The only month of fleaflop. I can't wait to see who wins.

It's going to be that. Natural 20, damn it. I would recommend fitching out the gold D20 out of that back. That's the best one. Those are my shitty DMs. I mean, they're not shitty, but they just roll pretty low. Yeah, I've noticed. Yeah, sorry.

It's okay. My golden snitch is this bad boy? What's the range on the battle? That's derogue that to me. The rains on the panel? range on the paddle. 30 feet. Before it ends of disadvantage.

Oh, it's 30 feet and then up to 120 feet of disadvantage. I'm going to make a disadvantaged paddle attack on number one. Okay. Go for it. You rolled a hit. You. What is it to hit? Plus six.

It's whatever. It's, again, it's the same kind of action. So strength or dexterity, plus your proficiency. Yeah, 15? Against number one? More than that. He'll... No, 5.

Plus 3. Plus 6. Oh, so plus 5. So 17. And he'll make a dexterity save and try to dive out of that. He succeeds. All right, I guess that's my turn. Oh, I see her.

Yeah, it's not to hit. Got it, got it. You created a DC and then you dodge out of the way because it's this magical blast of like an orb of energy that comes out. Bar, that's your turn. Louise, you're up. Who's not feeling all that great? I think we're all full out. I took a little bit, but I'm five. I feel about as half as good as I use.

as I usually feel here. I will Just smack your shit out of it, Louise. Just get it out of here? Yeah, you got the blade. Smack the living shit out of it. Please don't hit me.

Natural twitty, ladies and gentlemen, I can feel it coming. I move here. I use my action and try to smack it. Remember, even when you hit, you're able to move afterwards. Right? Once it finish bouncing,

so you can position. yourself. It'll hit with an 18. We need to get down the field and create like passing opportunities. It's 10 plus 4. That'll be 10 points of damage. And I'm going to put it down that way. So 19, 18, 17.

Oh, I missed count. Wait, hold on. It was right here. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was going in this corner. You can change directions if you like. You have a bonus action? I do, yeah. Then you can move it to any adjacent empty space next You could send it right down five. You can move it there and then go that way.

No, no, no, no. Adjacent to me or Jason to thing? No, adjacent to the ball itself. You can move it. You are here, right? Yeah. So if the ball is here, you can move it here and send it north. Yes.

Oh, I see. I thought you guys were pointing this way. Bonus action. And this is 20 total? Yes. 19, 18, 17, 16, 15. Sorry. Right, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 3.

They do not have the reaction? 3 to 9. 14. 1 gets the reaction? 1 just used their turn so they have their reaction. They did, thank you. Yeah, he'll take a crack at it. What's the DC?

14. It misses. 13, 12, 5 gets a shot. Out of 12? Yeah, he crushes it. And she's going to put five points of momentum on it. 17 total? Which direction?

He's going to go south. He's just going to bounce him back. 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10. I would say just let it rest. Well, the bloodhawks are having trouble with the Loxidons. It looks like the mighty trunks might actually have their ticket. Trucks win. Let's go to...

Trucks with. Unless it's been here. Nensi. I was called to Nancy. I think I might move there. That's my mother's day. And do you have your reaction back now? B. Nancy. Tuts. What do you got? Tootles?

Oh. Tudels has her reaction. Hey, Tuts! Crush it! I can't fit Tudels in the little fields that I have down here, so with Tuts. That's amazing. I love that. Tuts reminds me on a stripper from last night. Hey, that's what I called her when she smacked me in the fence. I love Tuts. No reaction, no reaction.

You're hearing the mascot scream as you run forward. Kill me! please end my existence why have I not died yet I did not wish you continue 30 20 20 so I'm going to run

and then dash in the bonus action Oaxidon charge this asshole I try to knock him back 10 feet Okay How does that work? Let me see Strike contest probably Is that a loxan ability?

I think it's my charger charge your feet What? It's amazing Tudels is put in some fucking overdrive. Whoa, some unusual energy coming from Tudels in, oh, man! So basically, that's taking the bonus action

to make a melee attack on him. She's using her action in a movement to dash. And if it's successful, it'll not in back to me. She's using her bonus action to not come down. Okay, how did he resist this? Does it just happen? If you hit his AC? Yeah, so I just made an attack. Oh, wow. Wow.

So it doesn't deal damage. No, I guess, yeah. Which is good, we don't want, it can't be lethal. We don't want to do anything. As long as it doesn't deal damage, it's fine. 16? Unfortunately, that does not meet or exceed the same. You have a-

I'm going to use my thingy. You have the, yeah. Can I use that? You can. Your inspiration, you can, yeah. Caprice knows what due. Okay, so that's 19, 2021 now. You hit it.

He gets knocked over. You run up to number three, he's like, excuse me, I'm not sure that's, oh, and he gets nailed and flies down. His hair falls down in a big long long. get either a plus five bonus attack with the other. Oh, so I don't even need that. Yes. Yes. So I actually show...

I didn't really need my thing because I used my thing wrong, but... Oh, then take it back if you didn't know mechanically that you didn't need it. Yeah, I get a plus five bonus to that bonus attack. Oh, no, to the damage role. I'm sorry. So no, that's fine. I still needed it, but I can add plus five to the damage

so he takes six damage in his pushback. Oh, he gets... What number? He takes non-lethal damage. Non-lethal damage. 64 non-lethal melee damage. And make a persuasion check really quick for me. It depends on what you're doing. You have to choose one or the other.

I don't think he can do both. You're trying to hit him and push him back? Oh, I see. OK, so no, then he doesn't take damage. He just gets pushed back. No damage. No damage. Just push back.

We already handled that. Yeah, for some reason it's touching the table quite extensively, but you have fix it sort of kind of, and that it needs to just be rotated. that way. So he gets pushed 10 feet in whatever direction you want. So he was here. I'm going to be you shoving to the pillar?

Yeah, I'm going to push him back. Oh, shit. Oh, no, that's more than 10 feet, right? Yes, that's 15. That's 15 feet. So 10 feet is going to be... Yeah, just push him out. Yeah, it's fine.

Ouch. He hits the side of the arena. That really looks hard. Yes, he went down harder than the girls at pointy years and she. shapely reits. Edo, says Budbar from the field. But that's the conclusion of your turn?

I think I have one more movement, so I'm just going to step right here. Okay, very aggressive. I like it. And top of the round, number five is up. Where is five? Five's back there touching his, wapping his paddle. Oh, yeah, he's waxing that paddle, and he continues to look at you in a defensive manner. He's shouting obscenities in some language that, unless anyone speaks undercom and you don't understand.

Hold, let me check. I don't speak undercom. Yansfi, you're up. Vandrst does, though. I'm gonna shout at him in Lachshedon. Hey, you look stupid, you elf, your knife here. You better, you should be working at shapely rears, even though you don't have a shapely rear.

You sound like, you sound like a Zeppelin. I'm gonna, should I just go back and try to crush it? One, two, three, four, five. Only if you think there's a way that maybe you can pass it up to like, Tootles. I mean, or just trying to fucking drool.

Yeah, no, bonus action pass it up and then it's not a bonus action. Right? Or no, it is. You have to declare

a bonus action that way, pass it to her. The announcing, the announcing play is not a bonus action. They need their reaction. I'm just going to,

I'm going to send it. Let's see what happens. That's going to hit. Pat will have business. You need your bonus. That's going to be eight points of damage. Right. So eight from here.

I think I'm going to just use my bonus action. I'm not going to use any key. So 18. So 18. I'm going to just try to punch it once as my bonus action, right? Yeah, I don't need to... If you don't need to move it. That is going to be...

18. Yeah, exactly. And that is going to be... It's going to be hot six points. So 18 plus 6 is going to be 24. 24. 23, 22. Wait, you're going north?

Sorry, I didn't ask you the direction. Yeah. That goes right to 5. It hits him. It's two chances and score. Right. Right. More than that. Yeah, no, three chances.

So sorry. We said what we say, 24. 24, 23. 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17. Let me just take a look. One used the reaction for sure. One has his reaction back because we've been a whole round. No, he used, so we did it, and then he got his turn so he, but he used it again.

That's what I'm, okay. I'm like 100% sure. He's like crossed it out and put it back, but he used it. I believe you. I believe you. And number five is not use his reaction? Correct. Right. And that was it, what did I say?

What were we at here? 24. Yeah. 22 to 21, 2019, 18. 18. So 5 has his reaction. Yes. 18 to hit. He's going to go for it. And that is going to be a natural 18.

Fudge. He's going to do eight points of heat on it. 26. Northwest. 26. 26. 25, 24, 23, 22, 22, 21, 21, 2019. Should I just try to fucking send it?

Who's DB? That is radio. Yeah. Spacho has no reaction. Okay. Nancy has a... 19? That hits.

That hits. That's exactly. 19, yeah. Sweet. I'm sending it back. I'm bringing the heat with a hot seven points. So that's going to be 26, 25, 24, 23, 22. 21, 20, 19, 18 on him.

He'll dodge out of the way. Come on, come on, come on. What's it? 18. 18. It was 17. He misses. We've got three chances.

So he takes... So he takes eight points of damage and it's gas. What number? It's going to be number five. It takes eight points of damage. We want to see an eight seven or six. Two, all right. Eight seven or six.

Come on. Bounce, bounce. Hey, ah. You're singing, ding, ding. You've got to give it up. Yes, I was a little nervous there that the bloodhawks would win flawlessly, but the trunks were able to put it into the bell.

The crowd goes absolutely bonkers. They are clearly here for you. That's something that you feel very much. There are Bloodhawk fans, this cold, calculating weird team of unemotional, bizarre wooded-ell. Yeah, they're weird, yeah. You guys are able to pull the crowd in, and you put butts in seats, and they are going absolutely insane for you. Go back to the forest! Uh, I need to reset the board.

Throw me one. I need you to reset the board for me, and I need you to... Ew. We know where the ball is before. I'm just going to be dressed behind the ball. East? So I'm here, right? Yeah, and I'll...

Everybody heal the maximum. Cut. And Gispacha, where you want, Gisbaccia? Oh, front line right there. Because we get spread out then a little bit. No, he doesn't get reactions. I just want him so he can get far up here and still shoot his ass in. Got it.

This mat is an odd number of square of white. You'll notice that I've added an additional row. Oh. Yeah. He added one row. I didn't notice. Thank you. My goodness.

Please, I wish to die. The weird voice of Rondo, so echoing in your head, I need everyone to roll for initiative. Ched. How do you feel in the middle of this game there? What's the name of my fucking guy? Verrett, how do you feel?

Any thoughts before we enter this next round? Yes. Any thoughts about the game? No. All right. What do you got, Yancey? I got a 13. A 13. Wow. Low Yancey.

I know. What do you got, Babar? 12. First time I didn't roll six. What do you got there, ravioles? Ravioli, ravioli. Give me the fili. He's worrying about what he could do.

13. Gospacho. Is he going your turn? Sorry, that's right. RAV. And then who wants to go first, Rab or Yancey on 13th? Oh, Nancy. Total. Okay.

And Tootles. I get a nine. Man, turtles. If we can game it, I know it's hard to game it. Louise. On their turn, if we can just keep it back here, then that's, that's such a massive line. Basically, what I'm playing on doing.

Yep, I do. It is going to be 4-3-1-2. I don't see if there's a way you could get it lightly. One, two. And then Louis. Which what I was saying is, then Yalfi,

then Ravioli, then, then be careful, then Baybar. That's one before. Then five and then two. I'm missing Tootles.

If you roll high, that would be... She's left. Oh, two. Sorry, if they said five than two. Oh, sorry. I'm always left. But I kind of like the idea. What is your dexterity?

Do we know the order? Like, as a meta thing, do we know the order of the... You wouldn't know the order. Okay. That starts the problem. I agree. Hmm? Two.

Plus two. You just keep rolling one. Depending on where you're at. I don't hate the idea. Before that, I think I rolled four. We're on score. Oh, four is there. Can four make it to the east column within 35 movement?

Without using it that. For 15 20 25 30 35 35 yeah sorry no the east column where the actual ball is oh I apologize from here I apologize No from the one that's up down down a little bit he was he was in front of the column right here I'm sorry right here no but he was actually against the line He was right here okay yeah so yeah he can make it to the right I don't know 10 15 20 yeah because that's only that's only 35 right there Yeah. All right. What number is that? Four?

Four is going to take the same maneuver that seems to be winning Bloodhawksby's games. And all of a sudden, he pops out of existence. And he's going to use his single use of this insane thunderset move. He's going to disappear and reappear. It's very magical. Thanks you're being with you, there. Directly in front of who's the blue kona down there? Me.

That's you. He's going to appear directly in front of you. Oh, fuck! Tell him to get fucked. With a pop. And all of a sudden, there's this loud crash as this, as the air that he occupied disappears and the implosion creates this insane thunder effect. It is going to take 16 points of heat and it's going to go southwest.

So that's going to be 36? Yep. And Southwest is going to be 35, 34. he can take a reaction if you want. He's not going to do that. 33, 32 and a half it will hit the pillar and scatter.

32 and a half. Two. Northeast. Right into him at 32. All right. He will attempt to I don't think he can hit it

because I haven't been doing that. Sucks to suck! So he's going to try to dodge out of the way. He fails. It hits him. He takes a whole point of a day. damage. No, it's 22.

22. It's a 32. 32 minus 10 is 22. You're right. All right. What number is that? Number four. And standard I.

How much, how much damage, 22? You should have checked yourself. Yeah, he wrecks himself. I'm not going to heal everyone up to. I'll take five, but you don't want a four or five. If it's four, yeah, then we're five. It's four, four. It's three.

That's fine. So that's going to be what we say. This is 32, 31, 31, 30, 19, 18. Sorry, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 24. Well, 24 here, he could try to hit. He gets knocked out again. That's another 14 points. No, no, no, no.

This guy, 10 point reach. So he says he's not going to try. No, he tries to dodge out of the way and he gets a natural one. Oh, okay. So he gets hit for 13 points of damage. It's number four. He's got to be out. No, he's not out.

Wow. Scatter die? Uh-huh. This is 23. Uh, that's going to be four? Fuck. Uh, 20... Oh, no.

...three and a half. I'm going to attempt to use my reaction. There you go. Right? Plus five is 20. Here we go. Your inspiration. Yes.

Nice. So I'll hit 23 and a half. Woo! And... Thank you, cheerleading. Fucking do it, man. I'm going to use basically everything I've got, I think. And let's

fucking twist it. Oh, let me just, let me just level some things up here. Before I, I apologize. We could twist it. It's at 23 and a half right now. I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it. Which would be paddle plus two divine smites. Oh, it goes back to water. What a fucking nightmare. I don't want to

even define divine smite that, though. I want to say my divine smites if we have to do penalty shots of my thing. Right? They're not. They're playing by the rules. Yeah. Right. You're probably right. What happens if we sent it that way? Not great.

That's where it ended up in the corner. I went in this direction. So you could send it back at him and fucking kill him. But then if it screams back this way, then he's looking like he was just bloody. I'm going to make an attack and send it north. I'm going to set it north. So I got an attack.

It's just what, 1d6 plus my strength? Are you not using... No, I'm saving my divinamites. And no twist? I don't. There's a reason to. I'm going to end up this game with more. I actually don't think it's one.

I agree. I agree. So that's going to be four points of damage. 27 and a half. 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21. 20 right there is in 2's range. Two's going to take a crack at it. Two sucks.

He misses. Told you. 19 hits the pillar, scattered out. I'm fucking fuck. Let's go with a north on that. It's going to be 18 scattered out on the pillar. Let's go with the north on that. Wow.

17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12, 11, 10. That actually worked out pretty well. That's really good. There's four years their turn and we've got the ball. Fascinating. That was turn number four, right? That's the first round. Number three is going to...

Fuck himself. Uh, he'll move 10 feet west. And that'll be the conclusion of his turn. Uh, number one is next. He's going to move five feet west. Then we're going to go with number two. He's going to... What is he doing?

He's going to get his reaction back and he'll hold it. You can hear them sneering at you as they all stand defensively around the big bell. Louise, you're up. Do not be against. We're going to make your bail go. Yikes. That's going to be a yikes for me, dog. Um, we're, uh...

That's not, be against. Do not be against. René could help. Yeah. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at Patreon. dot com slash legends of avatrous and gain access to tons of exclusive perks including a monthly movie night and a weekly patreon exclusive camp ain't set on the high seas shroud over salt marsh you can also go to

the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement the crooked moon a folk horror tone for dungeons and dragons fifth edition and don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. Trunks win! He keeps saying trunks win, but they are playing the game still. I don't understand. I think it might be just a simple catchphrase of sorts.

I'm going to use my action to cast entangle. Are these safe? Yep. I should move so. Nice to. Right there. I'm bleeding. So that should be the four of them.

So casting that and grasping weeds and vines sprout in a spaghetti parmesan-type faction from the ground. 20-foot square starting from a point within range. So it's that little piece. These plants turn the ground into the, so it's slippery spaghettios all over the ground. It becomes difficult to. We've seen this once before. This is a classic. I've been spaghetti-oed myself.

It was quite unpleasant, and I wish I didn't have it as many holes in my body as I did at that time. Hey, that's what your mother said last night. Blaze stop, I can hear you. I know, that's why I said it. All right, that's going to be entangle. Entangle. Preachian the area when you cast a spell must succeed on a strength-saving throw,

or be restrained by the entangling plants until the spell lands. D.C. is 13 strength. What number? all but four all but four all but four all but four all but three you say

yeah DC 13 DC 13 okay this will be interesting number one fails okay number two fails number

three no he gets a 12 he succeeds barely right it's 13 and yeah no he gets a 13 natural 12 so which ones have failed

and all but three failed They all get noodleed in their various appendages. Can they take reaction? The noodle, bitch. Creature restrained by plants can use its action to make a strain check against your spell seed, D.C. And on a success, it frees itself.

I don't know what the restrained condition says about reactions, if it says any. I don't. I don't know. It's just restrained. So on their turn, they can attempt to break free, I believe. they do have their reactions. They do, but it's a disadvantage on attacks. Free object interaction. So you disadvantage three of them.

That's an effective move. Yeah. So I'm concentrating on that. And... Roll a persuasion roll. I think they're going to get a penalty shot. How do we just lose? Persuasion.

Oh, no. 10. 12. Oh, nice. So 8. Yeah. Judge Ito looks down and looks at the restrained players. They're all

murmuring and they're strange, strange undercom and voices and doesn't make a move for the whistle. Yes. Good fuck, Edo. It's for gazepacho you've seen me do it before. This is fair play. He does look at you like this when you're saying it. Yes, spaghetti. It looks spaghetti.

I did not meet it. I did not meet it. I love spaghetti. Pay my respects to Chef Boyardee. Yancey, you're up. Let me have it. Oh, it's my joke. Is anyone feeling really hurt? I'm good. No.

Great. I'm just going to move here then, just so we have a little bit more blockage. And that'll be... So I'll block it. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah, and that'll be my turn.

That's the 20 coming up. No, it's not. It hits, let it's a hit. Oh. Most of me have. It's true. Eight. Zero.

So eight. It would be 18 to hit on your necks if you use some key points. I can just use everyone's action that's doing to... You may. You don't need to redirect it. You need to just hit it. I'll say, I'll say, I'll save my face. I mean, how much key do you have right now?

Two? Oh, that's right. It's one per one. You know what? I think I'm going to use it and just do another one. She's got to hit an 18. Four. Yeah.

Should we twist it? Yeah. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. Let's see if this natural 20 that was just rolled by Yancey, that's the work.

And you twisted it for max damage, which is another four times three is 12, so fall on top of... So it's going to be 30. 30. 30. And I'm just ready. That's correct. Yep. 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, it enters one's range.

Can you disadvantage? Yes, you can, but it's disadvantage. That's going to be tough. Disadvantage. 25. 25? Yes, 25. I would have to roll two natural 20s to do this.

Nope. And 24, that's your five range. Nope. Yep. Jop's win! I did something! I find it. Ding, ding.

Wow, that actually made my ears ring. That was so loud. Yeah, it was really moving at an absolutely... Not yet. Speed. I believe that's called ludicrous speed. I saw it go technical. I've seen that film, too.

I'm gonna go crush an orange mood. Roll a natural, a regular 20. A regular 20, ladies and gentlemen, a 12. With a 12. Come on down to Australia Ironworks. We're proud of our erections. And also, you guys scored once before. Who scored the first goal?

They did. So it's one and then it was two. I got both of them. You got, roll again. A 14. Apologies to our second bell sponsor. You got a 14. 13.

Apologies to our second bell sponsor. DeCesto's music shop, don't fret, it's a DeCesto. Yay! It's a fret. You're so meta. So meta. Tune in and two Saturdays. Yeah, let's do Saturdays.

Where's the ball start? That's going to be in an Easter League. All right. I'm going to be back where I was. Roll for initiative, everybody. How long is your spell last? I told you, you long-haired fucks. No one advances with the truck.

It lasts. Wait a minute. There's a minute. There's a minute between around. Because everyone gets healed. Medics come out. Cheerleaders are cheerleading. Their sponsorships.

There are people getting hot dogs and using the restroom. By the time you get a chance for hearing the next king's whistle, entangle is faded. I will let you determine where they set up. They basically are always going to be in that same configuration, one, two, three, four, except the one in the front is always going to be on the side where the bell is. Or where the ringer is. He's either going to be there or he's going to be there matching the column that matches where the ringer is. Got it.

Ringer's the ball. That's their setup. My bad. He got it brings the bell. It does. Oh, that's that one they call it. You know, I haven't played this game. Too much of the whist flow, I think.

I haven't even had it. I haven't enjoyed an orange sun. All right. It's actually a Capri's son. In a ventricist. It's an alcoholic beverage. Roll for initiative. It still comes in a pouch. Yancey, what do you got? That'll be a 15.

A 15 for Yancey. I got a fucking 17. Oh, shit. I got a 16 with a plus 3. What do you got? Tootles. Big roller. I got an 11. Hey, it's starting to feel pretty good.

And what do you got there, Louise? Six. Oh, my goodness. Zeke, remind me some time to see. tell you about the actual alcoholic Capri Sun. That exists? Kelsey and I can tell you a good story. It exists because we created it. Oh, no.

You gotta bring that to you. I don't want to hear that. No, I don't want to hear that. It's a guy. It was his birth at OdaCon 20... We gotta find this. Four races up. Four runs up. Four one, two, three, four. He gets there. He doesn't explode because he's used as explodey. He does

just totally smash that shit. four that's going to be seven but he's going to use his multi-attack to go in again no he does not so it's going to be seven momentum and he's going to hit it in a don't hit it near me

don't hit it in me he's going to hit it in a southwesternly action 16 15 14 hits the pillar breaks it at 14 scatterdye that's going to be a north east oh

13, 12, 11, 10? Yep. I'm not using my, no, I want to save mine. He could hit it here. Yeah, he could get a reaction here, Derek, at 10 and a half? You can get that one before. Well, yes. At 10 and a half?

Yeah, 10 and a half. So 10. Because this would be 11. This is 10 and a half, which is 10. It's about to stop. He lets him come to a close, and that concludes his turn. Number three is going to be. be up. He's going to take the dash

action and get as far forward as possible, 70 feet. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 50, 60, 70. That'll be the conclusion of his turn. Let's go to Babbar. Actually, Babar make a

perception check. Someone make a perception check. My perception is... I'm sorry, my D&D Beyond app is literally breaking. Or 17. What did you say it was? Perception?

Yep. Presception. Uh, 11. Tutils? Ten. Ten? None of you notice anything at all as three runs up. Uh, let's go with a bar.

I'm going to use my dash. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60. Very cool. Set me up. Ravioli. What do you got? Ooh, you know, one, two, three, four, five. Oh, fuck.

Oh, no. Oh, I can't. I can't. You should want to move that far up? You're trying to send it into the towers if you get elected. Yeah, because I can do that, right? And then hope that I... Good luck.

Well, I'm going to set... Ooh, Gaspacho's right here, right? Yeah. And his fuck goes right in front of me. He's going to kill Gosponcho. I don't think so. I think you're just going to sit there and die like a bitch. With no...

Ew! You hurt him, everyone. Kill me. Kill me. He is going to use his acidic spittle on the bowl there. Does you say beer spittle? Acidic. That's going to hit.

It'll do six damage. The bar will drink it. 16. That's how you get harpies. The bar probably has much worse at this point. It's every 10 feet. Yes. Yeah.

So it would be, it's at 16. So it would be 15 with two diagonals. Like, he knows how to do it? Okay. So for six damage, how far would it go? It would go 12 feet then, right? It would go 12 square, regardless of the diagonal. Yeah, he's going to send it this way.

Okay. Or, yeah, he's going to send it diagonally. Go ahead. Can you do this? No, I can do it. You can do it? Six points of momentum, you say? Yes.

Okay. And he's sending it this way. 15, 14, 13, 12, 11. Just two have his reaction. Yes. Two would have had his reaction. He waits until it gets to 10 and a half. So back it up diagonally one for me.

He's going to take a crack at it. He smacks it, and he's going to put eight points into it. What's the grand total? 18. 18, oh, it was that a wrap? Or 18.5. 18 and a half? That's all right.

He's going to send it southeast. 18, 17, 16, 15, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12, 11. 10 and a half, it will hit number three. Number three still has his reaction. So he's going to actually... Here it'll be 10. Sorry, I live. He's going to take a crack at it.

He's going to hit it. That. And he's going to... put 17, seven points of damage into it. You don't have a good option. No, he's not, which is good. He'll

hit it in the answer, or south, east. So, no, 17, 16, 15, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12, 11, hold on here. That's 11. that's 11. You could hit it here, Yance, if you wanted to,

at 13. I don't want to do that? No, no, no. I would save your reaction, honestly. 11, 10. Rest here. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, we don't want.

We're sitting pretty here. You could also attempt to pass it to me. Is it your turn now, Rich? It's your turn now, Rich? It's a Raviola's turn. So actually, here's the thing. You want to know what happens here? Look, I'm going to give you a pro play.

You try to pay. pass it to me, I've got advantage to blink and try to get a pass this. You can't use your reaction to move it. I don't need to move it. No, you can bounce it here. I bounce it off this direction. I go right in from the ground. Are you next? No. No, he's right. He can be able to do that. I can use my reaction to get advantage

on the attack. If you hit it north, his reaction within the five feet would make him and I can pour north-west. I will do what I do what the hell do that. All of the theories. You hear, you hear Barbar's voice. His whisk glow Riddle's voice. You better not miss this. I'm passive. It's max damage too. Oh, geez.

That's 10 damage. Well, no, there's no fucking way I can hit it. But I can try. I can try, right? His worst case scenario? Yeah, yeah. 19, 18, 17 and a half. 17? Yeah, easy. No, I have like, what, plus five? I got to get a fucking 12. Your advantage, though.

Oh, right, right, right, right. I got to hit at least the fall. You get a natural 20. Oh, yeah. Oh, you hit. I got it. I hit it. Nice. Holy fuck. I'm gonna literally use everything that I have to hit it.

I'm gonna literally use everything that I have to hit it, which is going to be double, double smite. Are we doing another? Yeah, let's fucking twist it. So, hold on my feet is going to be divine smite, which is going to use two spell slots. It's one spell slot for 2D8. Right. Right, so I'm using two spells slots. You can use up to 5D8.

You can you do? It says it right here, up to 5D8. You can use a first or second level spell slot. Yeah, you can use one spell slot. I don't believe you can blow multiple spell slots. Yeah, you can only blow one spell slot. You may hit with a melee tag, oh, it says you may expend one. Okay, up to a max of 68 total.

Yeah, it's just a level of the spell. Okay. You can't use a fourth level spell slot. All right, so 2D8, so it's going to be 16 points of damage plus six, which is going to be... That's your multi-question. It's against. Which is going to be 22, plus 5, which is going to be... 27 on top of...

No, that's it, that's total. Yeah, but that's 27 damage. Yes. On top of what it's currently... On 7.5. Yeah, top of 17.5. So, you're at 44. 4.5.

So, 44.5. So 44... There's no way. 43. 42. Two will attempt to hit it. If it gets a natural 20, then God's fucking...

Two doesn't have its reaction. He doesn't... He 100% does. I absolutely have it. Is there any way that he would have gone? No. He didn't go yet, and I haven't marked off that he used. He would have started the round of his reaction.

He hasn't gone yet. But if he hasn't gone, he hasn't used his reaction. Everyone starts with full reactions. I know, but I marked off that he used it as well. Did the ball come this direction? I did. No, he knocked it right back at me. He was the one that just knocked it back, right?

Is that true? Yes, yeah. He just uses reaction. He did. He's the one that knocked back this one. He can't do shit. Then do you want to even spend the twist? No.

I don't want to spend it to us because to roll the damage I have to roll like four points of damage. That's like way more than enough. Yeah, that's silly. That was, I thought that we were going to have a five percent of chance. Hey! Oh my God, my ears.

Can you hear the ringing bells? Navar we did it. Oh, boy. I was worried I was going to have to get all of the records. One more. The ringing of the bells. The bloodhawks are certainly suffering. You can see.

the look of disgust on their faces. Guns and bones for the elevantus. No, no blood, blood for the blood. The bar, roll your D20s for me. Three. With a three, uh, come on down to Harkins' dry goods, family-own and operated. Nobody beats our meat. This sounds like Lupone the third music.

Nobody does. Or like, it sounds like 70s anime, regardless. No, I immediately went to anime for a lot of this playlist. playlist. I bet this is this 70s anime. It sounds identical to 70s. This is the original Dragon Ball. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, not 70s anime, but early, like old fucking anime.

That's 80s, right? The Coconut Monkey. Oh, the Coconut Monkey! Welcome to the Coconut Monkey! Welcome to the Coconut Monk! Welcome to Coconut! Are you a monkey speaking? Dragon Ball. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, the Dragon Ball. Where is Gispocho, and where is? Do you know where the

crystal coconut is? If so, let us know. Do you know? Is the Swacho? Rich? Or no, he's in the front line here, right? He's right there. No, why don't we put him next to old pinkster, old twos? Red-down. Here we go, yeah.

You see the... I wouldn't count him as, like, being a defense, because he can't take your action. You see the blood hot. Before they eventually arrive in the configuration that they're in on the battle map, they all coalesce around the bell and hold each other's hands, and they look down. Yay! You can't hear what they're making out, but you can see very faintly their mouths are moving.

And when they look up and stare at each other, you see this ignition, this flare of some kind of energy, as though they're ready to go in a more tangible way. When they turn, their eyes aren't just black, and they seem to be smoking, releasing almost some kind of magical energy. Judge Edo looks down at them, looks and confers with,

His associate. Nods. Keeps an eye on it, but doesn't raise his lips. Oh, fuck. I think they're cheating guys. Joshino, come on. That's obviously a penalty. What are you doing?

Are you blind? They're making some evil pets? Do you say that out loud? Yeah. Junito, come on. Make a persuasion check. No, I want. Oh, no.

No, and there's no way. Persuasion. 14. With a 14, he looks down at you, and he puts his hand on his whistle, and you can see one of the referees runs forward, and he's like, questioning the judge, a warning, a warning only.

Oh, shit. I'm just kidding. Have you enjoyed a pool of rocky charms? Can't you take a joke, bro? I need everyone to roll for initiative. Hey. All right. This is it, guys, we got it. Good shake, Kels.

Come on, come on. Well, I mean, you can't get lower than I did. It did, so. Zero. And don't forget to heal yourself up to max HP. Yancey, what do you got? 18.

Bobar. Five. Oh. I treated me advantaged in this. How is that work? 14. The Spachor can give me Tudels.

15. Four times a day. That's great. No, Abby. I didn't get a one. I got a seven, but I have minus two to an extra. Yep. Oh.

Because of the Westwell. Whispow. And my deck is. All right. Ready? Yeah. Normally so. Five. Yancey.

One. Three. Tootel. Ivory. Ravioli. This is a game like, uh, like, uh, like a Wheel of Fortune where it benefits you to have more information.

Two, four. Wheel of Fortune is a game. Baybar. Uh? Huh? Um, last. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Number five is going to start the round. He's running out. Sorry. He's going to run right up here. Yep. And he's going to disappear. Oh, fuck.

Wait. Yeah. Oh, it was four that did it. Yeah. And one. One, two, and six, they'll have them. And he's going to disappear. He is going to disappear and returning back into a defensive position exactly where he was.

What? And then he's going to deal. They are. Oh, shit. Crazy mouth. He did his teleport move. Oh, but he hit it and then we're back. Yeah, he's putting 21 heat on that, and he's going to hit it south east.

31, 30, 29, 28, 27 and a half. You can. If you use your reaction, you have a 5% chance to hit it because you could roll a natural 20, which is everything. I would almost say take it, because. because we've got two lines of defense before we just go to right into the goal. I mean, it's literally defense, defense. Right. If we get unlucky, two and eight chance.

Or if, if... Oh, it'll bounce. More than that. Yeah. One, two, three. Yeah. You have to take the shot. The ball is sailing down the field.

Tell me if I'm wrong. Mathematically, I think we've got to try. I can barely see the ball as it's sailing. But, I mean, we may not even get a chance. You use the reaction or lose it, right? Right? I should definitely get those glasses. It's fine.

No good. What did I say this was? $27. $26 to you, my friend. I physically can't have $90.20. It's all you can do. Which is better than a 3 and 8 to lose. Because I'm so late, I should just let it.

I think saving it and just wasting it is better. You think taking 26.20 million is better than trying to not. get back. Okay. I mean, you may not get a turn. This is my point, right? If you're later in the round, you might even get to use a turn.

All right. I'll use a lock of point. So then it'll be 22 and a half. So 12 points of damage. Okay, 12 points of damage. Well, then you... Well, you don't want to dodge. You got to do it.

Right. You got to take 12. Fail over the roll. Okay. And now, now, scatter-dye. You don't want eight, seven, or six. Anything else is fine.

Eight, seven, or six? Oh my goodness. Yes. Oh! Two. Right back away it came. Uh, 21, 20, 19, 18. Wow.

17. It was a two, everybody. It's heading now northeast. It was this one. They didn't. Really? Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to trust you. It would have been this way. 17? Yeah. Scattered I? Hmm. Excuse me. I was drinking my, let's go with a

westerly approach. So I just calculated it out 16, 15, 14, 13, 12 breaks the pillar, scatter die Uh, 3 Huh, amazing Breaks the pillar at 11.5 Or sorry, knocks the pillar one down.

11.5, scatter die? Uh, no, that is the scattered die. It's going east. No, again. And it hit this new pillar. It was two pillars in a row. Oh, crazy. Uh, yeah, that's going to be a southeast. Uh, no.

breaks this one, scatter die. Oh, my gosh. It's literally a rest off. Southwest. Comes to rest here. Whoa.

Did anyone else ship their pants? Who used their reaction with that turn for me? No one? Tootles and Ravi. Only no one from you. All right.

That's what I like to hear. That's the end of five's turn. Yeah. I think it's 100% more than you do your reaction. I really do. Because if it never even comes to your turn, it's like...

Um, should I just crack it? Trugs. Um, up to you. You could use your fucking crazy ass ability to get down there and try to make some plays. But the problem is they're all grouped up, right? So try to punch you in is going to be at least getting it past 30 people.

That's hard. Do we draw them out? There's really another thing you do. We couldn't move up and force them to come to the ball. And, like, just not engaged the ball. Yeah, like that's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. Yeah.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Also really close to winning. You can still use your, you can just, advantage trying to knock somebody. Yeah, I'm going to try to knock two, Prone. I mean, I think that's perfectly. Yeah. Because a good hit? I do not. Three, uh, nine.

Nine. Uh, with a nine, uh, it's physically impossible for him to fail unless it's a natural one. Does that actually work on saving throws? No. It's physically impossible. Yeah. He just dodges and feel like. Do they look like they are unnaturally empowered by the horrible ritual that they? Uh, they look like they've been published. I'm not saying anything about Judge Edo's ability to judge the game. That's my turn, but... Dot, dot, dot, dot.

Number one's turn. Number one's turn. That's correct. Where's number one? Sending it to them, we'll give them exactly what they want to. Correct. We'll defend the ball and make them fucking come for it. Now, if they, like, dash up and hit it, we're doing shit. But we stop them from the end of the ball.

We draw them out, punch it in. Yeah. She said without hoping Derek wasn't him. He should focus up. The trucks are playing smart, ladies and gentlemen. Now, we run the risk of them having ranged mechanics. He'll dash forward. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70.

He'll stop there. And that'll be the conclusion of his turn number three. Way back. Yep, he'll step forward. Yeah, he'll step forward. How many? One, five feet. And that'll be the conclusion of his turn.

Tootles, you're up. Tootle if you get your reaction back. Cool. Get deep. So I'm going to be here and then I'm going to cast and levitate. Oh, levitate. Okay. How does that work?

Is there safe or an unmoling creature? I don't know. What does it just happen? Objective of my choice where a creature rises up to 20 feet or remains suspended for the duration. An unwilling creature that's succeeds a con savings. Oh,

it's a con 13. Con 13. Wow. It's a great idea. 20 feet. That's amazing. He fails. He!

I love to laugh. This particular what else is a female and is lifted off her off of her feet and she starts screaming and rage. It's totally breaking the calm and

and centered behavior and personality and posture that you guys have enjoyed from the Bloodhawks so far. The competitive nature of the game, having so thoroughly saturated their beings at this point, as soon as their feet magically start lifting on the ground, obscenities fly in all directions. You don't even understand most of the words. They're all mostly an undercommon,

but you are able to understand the rest of those words. Oh, boy. What happens? did she just get lifted off the ground? She flies 20 feet into the air and just floats around. Is there? She's trying to break free of this. She's using all her might.

She's trying to focus in different magical directions, but she's unable to break free from the action. Make a persuasion check for me. It lasts 10 minutes unless she breaks concentration. And both of us have high players. What is that supposed to mean? This is not good Do you have

I guess they use the bar to Conspiration as a 12 With a natural 12 Judge Ito reaches down with his hands And pull, I'm not fucking around And pulls out and blows his referee's whistle Immediately the referees turn and say

What's happened? They run over They confer very quickly and sure enough Penalty, levitate To not in the spirit of the game Taking a player out of play. Sure enough, a penalty shot will be awarded to the Bloodhawks.

The game immediately comes to a pause, and you guys are going to have to reset the board, and they will get a penalty shot against whoever you want to put in the referee position. In the goalie position? In the goalie position. That would be...

Yancey, because I have a lucky die. Yeah. Well, by all me... Oh, I know. Go ahead. It's a contest. Yeah, it's a contest. Yeah, it's a contest. So one person will hit it and establish the DC of the ball and the other person has to meet or exceed it. They can't

stand in front of it. They can't do anything else. But all you can do is try to hit it over. Yeah, I think it's got to be made. Nancy has the highest to hit. Whoever it can hit us. I have a plus six and I have a lucky die. I have two luckies. So we're just going to move us all out of the way. Yeah. It doesn't. I mean, it doesn't matter.

Yeah. We don't have to simulate it on the map. But number number six is going to walk up and he's going to stand in front of the ball I'm not afraid of you you you're stupid blocking your long hair fuck you could just take the damage you can't stand in front of it

the objective is that you have to stop it with your paddle or whatever it's not in the spirit of the game can I hand him my my blade that's not going to help his ability to compete against the DC of the of the hip all he has to do is not the way

so a paddle or a blade will do the same job you can handle it in the flavor of the moment if you want to hand him the paddle that's fine, but it's not mechanically going to help them. I'll hang on to it, then. Okay, you hang on to it. You hear the cheerleaders cheering. You hear the crowd crowing and screaming the mighty trunk's name.

Yancey, stare in the eyes of the sixth player. The unnamed player, he looks at you almost as if he's smelling a nasty part. What kind of an idiot doesn't have a name? And he disappears for a moment. and then appears again in exactly the same spot, but that same thunder clap immediately emerges. And he's going to send it screaming down with 25. No way.

25. Ah! You still like a wind farm! I'm like completely hammered. You hold your hand down and bam, it hits. Sure enough. It flies into the... the what would be the crowd

but is immediately stopped by the shield. You hit a margin of error of two and you fucking hit it. That's the 19 ladies. I don't even know which ball do I hit. I've had too many silver shandies. Very light and refreshing. I need everybody to roll initiative.

Yay! And roll a D20 no, there is no G20 to roll. We have not scored any points. So, fuck. Ask me what I got, Derek. I can't imagine. Where are we? Where is the...

Be business. On East. What he'll tell us? It doesn't flip-flop. It's random, right? I thought it was flip-flopping. It may have just been that way, because I asked that. I don't think that's the key. It's randomly determined the beginning of the...

All right. Where's the ringer? East or West? I'll have to roll for it, actually, because we're entering. extra round. That's going to be an Easterly configuration. Right, Maya. And then we're going to go.

Yancey, what's your... Oh, I got 15. Barbar? Zero. That's remarkable. Ravoli. 10. Tootles.

16. Hey, it could be worse. It could be negative two. No, it couldn't. It could be negative. Eight. It could be one worse, Bob.

I'll call you BB. All right. Number five is still up first. Is it five? And then what? Then one. Then Tootles. Then Yancey.

Yancey. Then Rav. Eoli. Then three. Then Louise. Then two. And then four. And Babar is sadly last.

It was a Italian effort I mean It was a good idea No we all saw that awful idea We saw that a horrible idea We saw that a horrible idea Coming a mile away They're doing much worse

Look at them Flies against the rules We knew that Yeah but we might have tricked And we thought that maybe they're flying Yeah I rolled I rolled the persuasion of the competition If you had succeeded higher

On than a 12 Then you would have But one of the first rules We were told That there's no flying in your rear No flying on you, but making opponents fly, maybe. It depends on whether or not he considers it to be part of the spirit of the game. Sure.

So, that being said, it's Five's turn first. I need to make sure I have one of the way. I wouldn't have tried it. That is four. Unless I was VanDress. To be fair, I wouldn't try it. Had the charisma. I 100% wouldn't have tried it.

Five is going to run forward. He's going to... I don't go for a while, right? I'm going to take a wicked. I'm going to swing an ad. Let the wicket out. Five is running out. Can you move?

Can you manipulate five and get him to the ball? He certainly will have time to make it. His first one hits. Yep, it hits. And then a second one. Oh, nice. It's like... It's like... It's like... It's like... It's like a... Oh, yeah! ...suffe FTA.

Partee. ...to... ...to... ...oh yeah! Yeah, that's the beer name. Be Ansi's wicked piss. There you go. The other piss is be wicked.

I like that. The Avengers could pass literally any persuasion, throw. I could, like, stab someone in the heart. And then Judge Edo would be like, let me see if that's against the rules. And Vance would be like, nah. And Vinds would be like, I see it. Yeah. You're good.

With a 28, he's going to get it. Mikey, your beer has been named. Oh, shit. What? It's B. Gansy's wicked piss. Ain't that's not bad. It's a jalapeno infused beer.

Burns like hell coming out. Everyone gets to... Yeah, he'll hit it south-west. Okay. He's hit a 28? 28. 27, 26. 25.

24 and a half. Yes, we have to hit it. Yes, you fucking do. Holy shit. How is our defense so bad? 24 and a half, is that reason? Yeah. Is that an apple 20, right?

Yep. No, I would have, yeah. I mean, you might get, you may be able to have a reaction, but I'm not even sure that doesn't count. Now, what's the, what's the, the AC on it? Oh, no, I, no, it's not. It's 22, 21. Shit, man.

Ding, ding, ding. Boom goes to spell scroll. After that missed penalty shot, it looks like the blood, are out for, well, blood. Let's go with a D20 roll on that. Holy fuck. We need one person over there, because we don't have anybody.

This bell brought to you by rock and scrolls. If it doesn't cast, it doesn't rock. All right, I'm going to suggest to switch up. Where do we? So I'm slow as fuck, so I think I should be here. I think this is fine. I think this is fine. I think we rotate a little bit,

maybe put ravioli here. That's just a spot show. He can't do anything. Sorry. He can't take a hit. He can. Yeah, I guess that's true. He just fucking die. Yeah. That's kind of why he's here. That's why he's here.

And then we put Yancey. Yancey's going to, well, actually, shit. I mean, I can move. Nancy's going to be one or two here, right? Output left. And then I think we've got to move the old, well, I would suggest this. Well, no, it's going to depend on where the ball goes, right? You want to line up depending on where the ball goes.

It's just like the alps have been doing it. Yeah, yeah. I have 40 feet to move in the house. Can we move ourselves after the ball has won? That's what the elves have been doing the same thing. On your turn. No, no, no. You do see where it is placed.

Yes. The medics come out to heal you if you need additional healing, and that is true for all of the players on the field. You see that it is positioned on one column or the other as part of the interest and flavor of the game. It is now on east. And number five from the Bloodhawks will move to match it. column.

So put somebody here, though. Where? So we can get a reaction if it comes. So two people... That's the problem. It can't be ravioli. I'm sorry, it can't be gazpacho.

And we got to fucking... So unstack these people. Why don't I just stand back here? So I can just take the... What's what I'm saying? It happens. Let somebody take a hit straight in the middle and a reaction where it's like

it could potentially bounce. I can't move through the bell, right? That's the king's whistle. I need everybody to roll for initiative. We'll do whatever you are. I don't know. I agree. I'll take the force of it

if it comes the other way. Barbar, what do you got? Or Yancey? Him over and I'll come in. Just totally gore that. Yancy, you move wherever you like. Yancey needs to be ready to fucking knock the ball out of the goddamn park on the first fucking move. That's why Yancey is where he is. And they shift him. I'm 24.

Ooh. I'm gonna, I'm... Bye. 10. 10 kugel items is. 17. Two. Nine.

Hold on. Yeah. And? 20. Ooh. All right. The order is, Yancey.

We get a pets. That's nice. This one. Louise. You can make any final adjustments that you want real quick as we go through this. We should get Louise up. Then five. Five?

Is that the number five? Yep. Then ravioli. Okay. then bar can we like move that around oh I'm sorry

after ravioli comes two then bar then bar then two guard then four and then one well the idea is that it passes

by people right I'm missing he's scattered I'm missing three being the way of the ball is you're right I covered them up

with their initiative direct or their reaction after ravioli is three and then two so if if I'm sorry I know I switched that for you. It's okay. I'm just going to move everyone down on the new problem. Hold on. Just give me a second.

Yeah, take your time. Do you want the order again? Real quick, just the double-back. I'm just trying to make. You just try to put this. And then you said three is after two. Yep. Yeah, that's good. So it'll be Yancey Louise five ravioli, three, two, but bar two. I'm trying to help one one. No, no, I'm not. Oh, okay.

I'm saying that the problem, well, doesn't know. All right, got it. All right. It's all me. Come on, you can do it. You're one point away. Girls do your work. Guys!

You see the cheerleaders, and they all start to... Give me a T. Give me an R. Give me a cream pie? And then all of a sudden, you guys feel inspiration. That's what you said last night. You guys have inspiration in an additional 1D8. If you haven't spent them, it does not stack.

So you still have your 1D8. You already have you. have yours. But everybody else has a renewed inspiration and Yancy. You're up. Top of the round. One, two, three, four, five, six. I'm gonna smack the fuck out of the sleeve. We get lucky we win, right?

19. Yeah. Okay. Let's fucking, uh, let's go. Let's go. Oh, shit. I'm gonna use my bonus action to crack it again. So that is five points. So that's a 15 to hit. What's your? Thank you. I am going to I'm going to use my lucky.

I'm going to use my lucky. I'm not a second lucky die. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bongo. 15 plus eight. 15 plus eight, yeah. It is going to be 23. 22, 21, 20 and a half.

It enters five reaction range. 20 and a half. It's my second lucky die. 20 and a half, it's going to miss. Mind-blown. 20. It enters two. reaction range. You are not wrong. He'll use it. He will destroy it.

And that will go 11 points of heat in the southwesternly way. 31. 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25. 24 to half. Technically, it will go between you.

Just let it ride. 10. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19.

18. 17. 16. 15. 14. Reaction. 13. 13.

11. 10. Unfortunate, but not the worst. That's all right. That's the end of the answer's turn.

Yep. Louise, you're up. Two and then before I disengage. I get extra 10 feet. Oh, it's fault. You disengage without a bonus action? I can...

Hold on, let me make sure. You can use your bonus action already to do this. Yeah, I just want to make sure that I believe it. If I hit something with my unarmed strike... Leat forward. I can use... I can fucking disengage for free. Interesting that we...

You can back away without... ...an an opportunity attack. Your walking speed increases by 10 feet until the end of your current... Oh, yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Free action. I'm sure. Louise, what do you got? Thank you.

I'm going to do it again. I'm going to cast entangle on them. Yeah, same thing. Same rage. All of them are entangled unless they fail. And so the D.C.'s 13 strength safety. Okay, give me the numbers. All five. What did you provide? Strength 13. Oh, strength. That's right. Holy shit. We've seen this once before. This makes a mess of the group. All right. So, let's do them all in the order.

One, two, three, four, five. All right. Number one, fails. Number two, fails. Number three, succeed. Number four, succeed. Number five, fails. Pretty good.

They're like fucking good. Those are the three problems. Because they get disavated on their reactions. Mm-hmm. All right. And that's going to look like, The end of your turn? Mm-hmm.

Unless anyone needs a... All right. So on number five's turn, which it is now, he would like to free himself from this bullshit. Okay. So he has to use his action to do that, which is then the same strength-saving throw against 13.

He will. And he succeeds, which means that he's free now of the restraint, but he's in difficult terrain. Number five. No, they're marked up. Yeah. Number five.

he will take a step Oh, he's going to go over He's going to go over and flabber that thing. He's an action, though, to get out. Oh, you're right. And it's difficult terrain, right? The bonus action for him? He'll take a step forward.

That'll be his turn, but he gets his reaction back. And then, Ravioli, you're up. We cut it. But at the same time, we need to position ourselves to school. You can inspire you. You can inspire you. You can just firebolt that sounded Yeah, I don't hate that in all, actually.

I'm going to I'm going to firebolt Uh Crypt Firebolt here What's the range on firebolt? You have your inspiration Range is like 120

It hits, it's just, I got a 19 instead of 20 Oh 7 damage And I'm assuming you want to go north of West? Yeah So it's, so does Number 2 have the reaction? Yes, he does not.

Two does not. Oh, two does not. Four does. So four can respond at, well, actually at, well, 16 and a half, I assume of where they want to respond. If I use, if I use catapult and send it 90 feet in that direction, would that be? We did this last time because it's not momentum. You're not doing damage. You're better off this way.

So 16 and a half, four can take a shot. That's the lowest. 16, yeah, so it would roll out of 16. I mean, this is the game. Sadly, not. disadvantaged. Correct. Number four? Yeah. All right, let me do some reaction.

It's. All right. So 16 and a half. Do some damage. So four uses reaction. 14 points of heat. Oh, holy shit. So 30 and a half. South. 31 and a half. Oh, no, 30 and a half. So 30 and a half, it's going to be at 30. Oh, South is going to crush. He's entangled.

He's not prone. No. He's going to hit it south east then. Sorry. That's fine. So we said 30 a half, which is 30. 29, 28. It's going to break this and scattered.

Five. South. 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 13, 13, 13. 13. North. 12, 11.

10. Okay. Then Wall. One, two, three, four, five uses reaction. Five has knocked, so they got it back.

It's two and four right now. That's just moving. Oh. He's going to dash. Got it. As long as we're on the same page. Okay. Okay, Ravioli.

Three is up. Yeah. breathe by the bell. It's a difficult to rain. He's also not restrained, but he has 35 points of movement. With 35, can he make it to the ship? 10. Yeah, there's no way. He can't. 15, 20, 25, 30, 35. He's just sharing. Hold on, hold on. So because it's getting out of it.

Yeah, but it's still costs 10 to get out. No, because he's going to a space that's not, it doesn't. Really? Yeah. No way. Because he's not going, it's moving through. We're learning. We're learning. Yeah. All right.

It's not like this question. I believe it's how that works. No fucking way. Yeah. One and a half. All right. Two and a half. Well, then he can make it.

A half. Four and a half. No, he can make it just by going out here. Because he has the extra five again here. I mean, he was right here. 100% he'll go. Then he makes it here. I counted 10 here.

So if he makes it, he makes it there. That's good. 100%. Oh, he will go. Bullshit. Are you sure? That's how that works. He will take a crack at it.

He hits. He's going to dump. I just can't believe. 10 momentum into it making it a 20. He's the second attack. I don't think you know any of other rules. And he's going to fend it. For how much?

Is that a 20 right now? Got it. And he's going to hit it southwest. All right. 19, 18, 18, 17, 16, 15, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12. I would just try to dodge. Yeah, I would save your reaction. Yeah, just dodge.

12 you just need a 9 or better so you'll take well that's really fucking bad you'll take 2 points of damage and scatter die we don't want to see a 6 all you need to do is not see a 6

can Luis use her reaction to hit it and she chose to dodge there's no reason to edit I don't think all right that's good uh 10 how much should I take 6 damage 2 2 Things are getting sweaty out there.

Let's get it to, that was three. Mm-hmm. Two gets his reaction back. Correct. He is entangled. He's going to use his reaction to untangle himself. He succeeds with a natural 15. Oh, two.

And he's going to, it's difficult to rain, but he has 35 points of movement. He's going to get over to where the, column was on the west side of the bell. Here? No, the actual space itself. Yeah. Ten. Some 15 and a half bullshit he makes it plenty of... Bavar's making some moves. He is looking very different from when he started playing this game. It's your turn. Fuck.

We've got the ball. I'm fucking charging. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60. That's my whole time. Toots, you're up Can I pass it to me? If you can But actually You can use your bonus action To move it

No, you can't Yeah, you can't If you bounce it off here, you can You gotta move up to it, push it And then use your bonus actually push it Okay, try to smack it I'm gonna move her The problem is, huh?

So she does the bonus action first to push it? Okay. Yeah, that's actually fucking perfect. No, no, you don't need to push it. Well, unless you want the extra 10 feet, I guess. Well, if you get it within line of you... No, no, it's fine. I mean, she's still...

16 to hit, yeah. Me as well as the extra feet. Uh, fine. That's plenty, I think. 15? Wait, you said five totals? So 15. 14, 13, 12, 11.

Perfect. 11 there. I'm going to hit it with a pass, which is going to be a bonus action. That's going to be a reaction. It's your reaction? Yeah, my reaction. Natural formula is. I got an 18, so that's

plenty to hit. I'm going to use a spell slot to also use the... Let's twist that shift. Let's twist that. So that's going to be 2D8, 2D8, which is 16... So we decided 16 plus

6 plus 5. What's 16 plus 11? 27. Yep. So 27 on top of the 11 is 38? Yeah. Yeah.

38. 37. Oh. fuck, I miss, see, I miss counting. That's what I was afraid of. I thought we were good here, and we're not. Yeah, we got on the... I would just roll a tentative twisting it. Yeah, roll it. Fuck, man.

That's what I was afraid of. I'm trying to... I don't know where my D.A. went. I'm missing a D.A. Sorry, you're staring at my chest, ladies, gentlemen, but I'm engaged. I rolled Max. I rolled Max. Anyway, that was pretty lucky. Let's see if I keep going Max. I do.

Oh, my God! Anyway, so... Wow. That was lucky as fuck. I'm going to send it it, too, and hope we get lucky. Mubarbich, which is his own fate, everybody. We said it was a 30... Was 27 plus 11?

37. 38. 38. 28. Yeah, yes, this is max damage. So 37, 36, 35. 35 and a half, number one. Did they have their reaction?

They do, but it'll be at disadvantage. Yeah. So they may try it or not. Up to them. What is it? 35 and a half. There's 35. 35. I have to roll two natural 20. There's only one way to do that.

Not even one. So 34, it will enter 2's reach. Okay. 34. 34. Natural. 20. Nope.

So they will take 33 points of damage. 33 points to what? 23. What direction is it going on? Yeah, sorry. It is going to bounce directly back, so it's going to north. He's got to do this twice. All right.

What number? It's 33 at the moment is the ACA. Okay, thank you. 33. No, he failed. 32, so he's going to take 12, 22 points of damage. And a scattered eye. Which number?

I'm sorry. Sorry, two will take 22 points of damage and we're looking for two or three. Did he use his reaction to try to hit it? Number two did try to use his reaction to hit it. Thank you for reminding me. So scatter die. Scatter die. Scatter-Dye.

Two or three. Blouses. Trots win! Just win! And that's the game. That's the conclusion of the Grand Sleam-L Championship. It's all about those mighty trunks coming up from behind us. Mind-blowing, we've never seen them on the field.

That's the conclusion of the game. You hear the crowd ignite as they immediately start waving. They're all using their arms. to try to stimulate the Lachydon trunk that they've come to know and love. The bloodhawks are furious. You can see the looks of disgust in their face. They're wiping their faces and their heads, and they're throwing their hands down in frustration.

Their hair is actually moving a little bit as they are making their way off the field in a dejected manner. Make a perception check, everybody. They're moving off the field. Some of them are difficult to range. Yes. It's still spaghetti. The fell magic is triggered as soon as possible.

15 is my role for perception. 20, 17. 13. You're the only one, Louise, who notices that as they are wiping away the sweat on the browser from the impacts that they've taken, the flesh of a wood else is not usually that dark and green.

What instead appears to be almost this dark, grayish, black. skin emerges from the underneath what may have been makeup almost, but they disappear into their own sign, into their own entrance, their locker room. As you are hearing the celebration, the chorus, the mascot cheering out, yes, kill me, thank you, kill me! The cheerleaders all busting out and shaking their their pom-poms, shaking their mighty huge dildos. You guys have succeeded. Crowds are rushing in to the center...

Into the center arena and making their way down, pulling you up, lifting you up even, and throwing you in a cheering and celebrating way. What are you guys doing as you've just won the 42nd Grand Fleemfell Championship? First, I just want to say, I want to thank God, the one true god, gigantes,

Afontas, oh, and I also, I also want to go to Disney World. I'm going to Disney World. A half elf with a pixie haircut

is like, you're yelling into a beer, sir. Oh, oh, and I drink it. Hi, hey, that's two for me and two for you. I was worried I was going to have to do it all myself. Who scored that point? Roll the 20.

Oh, 19. A 19. A 19. A 19. A 19. Brought to you by Maru's Cream Pies Do they have a slogan? No, it's just Maru's cream pies

That's all you mean, ladies the channel, boo! Enjoy cream pies! As soon as you are, only moments have passed in this moment when all of a sudden Arthur Eggerman runs up, tears running down the sides of his cheek. I knew you could do it! Well done! Thank you. He's pulling you all in as well as he can into a bear hug.

Pulling you in. Oh, coach. Thank you. Oh, thank you. I can't believe that we did it. This has been my dream since I was a little Oaxon. I can't believe it. You did it, Raviola. We champion. We champion. Well, Ravioli, but yeah, we did it. I'm sorry, Ravioli. We only met a few days ago. What's the name of that moon thing that you drink?

Oh, Whisp blah. Whisp glow. Whisp glow. Whisp glow. Whisp glow. Since we're all gathered together, assumingly on one square, I'm going to cast healing spirit on top of us, which will be basically a dude with a massive barrel of Whisklow that's like pouring it on as like gatorade. And everyone takes one D6. Okay.

Everyone takes one D6 healing, I guess. Yeah! The menace are almost about to reach you just as the, as you're able to cast this. And sure enough, lizard folk egg sprays down. But make a persuasion check. Oh, cheers. Judge I don't want himself. 17.

Judge Edom. With a 17. Judge Edo sees that the logo Whistblow on the side of this can isn't an indication that you may have been actually drugging yourself. So he holds his hand and doesn't make any moves to change anything.

Egiman instead is just celebrating, screaming and happiness. Love it. what's happening. You guys seem to have won the day. It was all good spot. Show. Come on, back to the locker room. We're going to make our way

to the realms of the gene. That sounds great, please. I'm thinking about my wish all day. I maybe should use the restroom before we go. I can't really fit into jeans. They tear right down the middle. It's the genie. Oh, like a pair of jeans. I prefer

like a little miniskirt. No, not like the clothes. clothing the fabric, no. Oh, okay. And sure enough, you guys are led back to the locker room. It's just you, coach, Egeman, and 15 cheerleaders and a mascot, all sitting in seeming quiet, waiting for the conclusion of the championship. Golteca!

Golteca! Drugs win! Drugs win! Are we all from Galthaca? I mean, have we ever discussed this? Well, those wood elves, really what elves? I guess I didn't see that happen. They looked like a bunch of long-haired panties.

I don't care who they are. We fucking beat them. I'll tell you guys that I thought they were wearing makeup. Oh. Yeah, they would wear makeup. There may be some other race underneath all of that. They look really gray and... Well, they were speaking undercom, and so maybe they were drought.

I don't. I don't. There are no shit. I hate those guys. They're worse than even would have. And you really shouldn't wear makeup when you're playing and then edgy white hair. Did we walk into a 14-year-old's

fan fiction? Sounds like a bunch of baloney. Sounds like if my baloney had a first name, it'd be Gary Stu and I would throw up the baloney. Here would be best friends with gazpacho. Gospacho is too good for this horrible edgy drought.

What do you think about our way? Please, tell me now. Are we all ready to actually make the wishes that we want to make? Do you realize that this is potentially world-altering? It is. It's going to alter the world. I've really been flip-flopping on what I want to wish for. You should probably figure that out very quickly. Well, on one hand, this could be my year for space camp.

It could. With one single wish, it could. But on the other hand, the book with every spell I've ever known is gone missing. Wait, so this whole time you've been looking for your spell book, and you haven't had it, you were a wizard. Yeah, no. Wait, you're a wizard? I didn't even know. That's like the culmination of a life's work. Well, I wrote down a couple on my trunk, and I kind of was just working off that, but it'd be nice to have the book. Do you know the enlarged spell?

Do you know what do you ever do a spell? No. Why don't you just wish for a book that has all the spells? Like, every one. They clearly wish. I don't want to be reading. You shouldn't wish for a book at all. You should just wish to know all of the spells permanently forever.

A young girl comes up to you wearing a dress that's shaped like a pie. And she's like, please, please take this. Please, please take a back. Oh, Carl. Uh, you take Carl and, uh. That's the same. Yes, the jest that I've come to know and love my owner. Um, uh.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to go now. We haven't seen much in priest's business, so please. She disappears, and pretty soon the people of the locker room start to trickle out until it's just few six. It seems that the awarding ceremony, the moment of the gin arriving, isn't something that you do in front of a massive crowd of fans? This is something, there's a private engagement that's specifically defined by the actual person. who has put this trophy on this top shelf. And an hour goes by, you guys are alone with your thoughts, and eventually you find your way, you find yourselves waiting and hearing the murmur of the crowd dissipate,

them having been stated and satisfied by the excitement of the game. And finally, Judge Edo enters the room. Oh, boy, now what? His massive frame, almost very judge-like, these long black robes surrounding his elderly face, his slick black gray hair. He gestures to all of you. And he says, and he reaches out his hand, and where he pushes his hand, where the locker room doors were, a stream of energy appears and they burst open and you can see this sudden portal appear

where these doors would have been. Instead of leading out into the field, you instead stare towards what appears to be a long and infinite plane of clouds. Wind, whirlwinds, tornadoes swirling in all direction, seemingly very distant but simultaneously, massive and colossal and their weight and their power. And he gestures to lead you into this final scenario.

What are you doing? Is that where we go to make a wish? Is that safe? It's forbidden to speak of the awarding ceremony, so I do not know. Djadito, are we supposed to go? Djadio, death gestures again. without hesitation

coach eggeman walks forward and crosses the threshold and as if he's walking from one plane and into the next he walks through and into a plane of air i have never been more certain of anything in my entire life and i follow coach i proceed with champions guys i'll do the same chunks of one chunks of one

i'll join them You walk in and the light is, it's as if it's a bright, beautiful summer day, but you don't feel an uncomfortable amount of heat. You don't feel an uncomfortable amount of coolness. It's just swimming with air in all directions. And as you walk through the six of you standing there in a group, you stare up and the cloud starts to shift and form and pull itself together. and eventually a massive blue humanoid emerges from the space. A full 15 feet tall. His arms and legs like blue marble, crisp and clear.

His head covered in an amazing pattern work of fabrics and his body loosely covered with a vest. He looks down at you. Welcome. Thank you and well done. completing the championship. What do you wish for? To be fair, I was expecting Robin Williams, but this is good too. May I make my wish?

Yes. He speaks as your full name. Bud Yen-Sizor. Yes. What do you wish for? Well, I would like a very successful beer company and a good name for. I can't think of it. I can't think of a name. If you could help you have, that'd be great. His eyes flare as he looks down in consideration and ponderance. B and Cesar beer. He seems to connect to the cosmos in a fundamental fate way.

We will name it after you. What? But I already said, BNC. Zer doesn't really have quite the ring. We will shorten your second name and lengthen the first. You will be known as Bud Wiser. Ah! That's brilliant! Teambase choice!

Always commit to the bit! Thank you! He reaches down and he says, Your wish has been granted. And he hands you what appears to be a small key. And you can see that there's a letter B on it against a blue cap that is the same color. his very own skin.

It's brilliant, ever-vesant blue, uh, blue. Thank you, thank you. I feel like I, I have the keys to my own fortune. Then, first it's a beer company, and now I use the profits to open up a Gulican steakhouse and a house of blues.

Thank you. Your fate is your own. Use the, uh, Y, uh, beer, beer company as you might. You will find it. on third and fourth street. I'm so excited. That's two streets.

It's so big, I got a whole block. I'm going to be a faceless megacorp now. Oh, yay. I can't wait. You have the expectation that a block is big enough for a factory that could fuel the kind of beer consumption that a city the size of Galctica could correspond. And what do the rest of you wish to wish for?

Well, I lost this book so long ago, and I just, you know, I kind of forgot these few days we were playing clean. Well, I just, I just wish I could remember. He reaches down, and for a moment he seems as if he's consoling the faiths themselves, and then he reaches into his vest after his eyes flashed for but a moment, and he pulls out what appears to be a pristine book. and for a moment you don't recognize this tone. It doesn't look like a book you would have written in or anything like that.

He hands it down to you and you look at it. It doesn't have a title. It doesn't seem to have anything on the spine. It's free and clear, and it's covered in this canvas that same color blue,

very much like his skin. And he gestures, Cheers to you open the book. I open it. You open it. And on the first book, you start to read, and it's the story of some baby, some child.

And you start to flip through, and it's the story of adolescence. It's the story of, you start to recognize things that you remember from your own past. You start to recognize that this isn't just the tone that you lost. It's a book of the books you've lost. You've lost many books in your life. You've forgotten many tasks in your life.

The wish has granted you remembrance of all things. You'll always be able, and up until this moment, be able to go back and be like, what page was that? Oh, yeah. I know where I forgot those keys or when I forgot that appointment or when I forgot to, you know, comment on my friend's good looks. You can always look that up and you'll always have that debt repaid. if you just go and find it. Yay! Eloxidon never forget now.

You have a perfect memory. Your fate now is your own. Be pleased. And I just remember this is the book I lost. I'm an idiot. Who else would like to come forward with their wish? I'll let you know that if I go before you, chumps, your wishes will never ever ever compare to mine.

When you say that, Coach Eggerman rushes forward and he says, if you're going to ruin my wish. I mean, I couldn't know. I don't know what you're wishing for. I know what I'm wishing for, and I certainly hope that it doesn't intersect with your wish. That things might get pretty fucking weird if that was the case. I just don't want you to wish for no more wishes or something like that.

No, no, sir. No, I'm going to make very good use of my wish for please, by all means, Edmund, after you. Mr. Jean, I wish my dead wife to be resurrected as though she survived giving birth to our healthy child. He looks down and he opens his arms. And sure enough, from behind this massive whirlwind that is his tail, a fire genocene emerges holding the young blue water genocci that is their child. And you see Coach Eggman's face light up, and he sees what he's been fighting for more than four years,

something that would have been impossible for him to attain without a wish, a true resurrection. And he rushes forward, and they embrace. And together they cradle their child and see that there is something impossible has happened. The souls have been reunited because of the power of this championship. And for a moment, all is silent and all as well. Whoa.

That's beautiful. You're one, Coach? I may have been wrong about the two of you looking like chumps because now I'm going to look like a real dick when I make my wish. You're like a real douchebag already. And I'm sorry, Coach. I feel like a real great A, D bag

for making fun of you and your stupid arm. I'm sorry. It was messed up. I apologize. This is why I competed in the first championship. I lost my wife, and I didn't have the 100,000 gold that the true resurrection agency would charge me to resurrect my wife and my unborn child. Well, coach, you deserve this one. And let me just say that what I was going to wish for is to be a person. professional and championship-winning

Flemfeld player, but because of you, I don't have to wish that anymore, because you made me that. And I just want to thank you for helping me just live that dream and check that off my bucket list. He walks up and he attempts to slap you on the shoulder, but he sort of more gives you like a side elbow hit

with the inability to reach up in that way. God, I'm pleased. Do you know what you're going to wish for? I think I do. Are you ready to The gazacho? No, God, no. All right, honey, let's do this. What do you wish for?

Since my first dream, I guess since my fleen-flail dream has already been realized, I look back to my roots, to my real first passion, and that's cooking loxedonian food from the Italian district. So what I

really want, I wish to be the owner and head chef of a successful global chain of franchise business model restaurants called Gaspachos T.M. All over the world and franchisees pay me a portion of their profits. And every one of them has Gispocho on their logo. And they serve the best Gaba Goul and the best pasta fuzzul. and the best galamong. You see the genie. He's kind of like,

I just want a chain of a franchise restaurants that I own in, I'm the head chef of, and it's global, and it's very successful. He pulls into his second, the other side of his best, and his eyes flashed for a moment,

and he pulls out what is clearly a contract, and it's not written on greasy paper or a napkin. It's written on fine, toothy parchment and written the finest gold lettering and it is

clearly the ownership of what is a very successful franchise of Gaspacho T M restaurants you do notice that T M is spelled T EEM Like it's it's

definitely TEPEEE M it says Gospacho team like it's not exactly what you anticipated because he doesn't know what TEM trademark abbreviated is.

But despotio TM is 100% now in your ownership and that you would know without even having to guess that there are many places in the world to visit to check in on the many establishments that are now under your ownership. And thank you for the raid. It's still gaming. Thank you. Thank you. We won Fleming Flally Grand Sports Championships.

So we're getting our wishes from a gym. It's very exciting. We each got a wish. You look down and you see that the logo is very similar to your logo on your shirt. It's gazpacho looking so happy, but there's still that dead creepiness in the eyes. We did it, buddy. We did it. Look, this is ours.

This is my wigs. This is always. No! He says he wishes to die. He does, but is he going to win? He does say I wish to die. He dies instantly. The eyes of the genie flash.

And he turns to Louise and Bavar. It's my turn? Louise Bavar, what are your wishing? Did you already quote? By all means, Louise. Otherwise, we have to suffer through 10 hours of 21 birthday stories. Well, hopefully not. I turn to coach

I keep wanting to call him Edward He's hang he's got his arm over his His wife of many years And he looks at you with a glistening of golden's eyes Can you just for precautionary sake Just cover the years of your child What are you going to wish for It's very inappropriate

Oh God Hold on everybody I don't know if they can understand me, so. Louise I'm off, and it seems that the ex-wife's name is our dead wife's name was also Louise, and he covers, she sort of does this with her hands. Hey, also, Louise, while you prepare for this, what do you care for refreshing and slumber shandy? Don't take anything to give you, Louise. Go ahead.

You want some mayonnaise? I apologize in advance, Miss Louise. I know we're just meeting. But Mr. Jin, sir. Yes, what do you wish for? I've thought about this, and I very recently decided to change my mind. You see, my hunt for the potion of reduction has been unsuccessful, and I'm afraid that the only way I can achieve this is by asking you to simply do it for me.

I would like a laxidon vaginoplasty and a bleached asshole. Yikes. For the rest of my life, I would no longer like to be loose. And I'd like my asshole to look like Christmas morning. We're gonna get that. He looks down and you can't reach into his vest, but his eyes flash and you experience a very enjoyable sensation. As your vagina tightened,

you feel your asshole cleansed of all, coloring, dying, and ink. You are fresh, clean, fragrant. And you know that the wishes held true. And that it will be for forever for the next 300-plus years.

Oh, man, that feels great. Your wish has been granted. Oh, yeah, I feel it. Thanks, bud. He gives you a little wink. And then he turns the bar. Don't you undo this for me. I'm living in my moment right now.

I would never. I would never. I have been thinking about this for a very long time. I set out on this mission to save my brother. Do you? And I realized why wish for that

when I could wish for what gigantus, elephontas, illustrious never was for me. I wish to be the god of carnal pleasures and the drink and raise my brother back from the dead with my own hand.

Damn. Gigantus Elefantus Alusus be damned for there is a new god and his name is Bapar. Bavar, especially if he scored some fleetingland goals or barely.

Damn. Bring me on the spot. I warned you like six hours ago. I know. I know. I spent some time and I believe that the wish will fail because a ninth level wish does not allow one to turn oneself into a god.

He turns to you and he, his eyes flash and he says, your wish cannot be granted. So does that just mean I don't get my wish? What is this absolute bullshit? There are limits, even to the power of the reality-bending, physical reality of a wish. So is it expended or do I get to pick something else? I think this is where you say careful, Icarus.

I will see you in perhaps another four years. And his hands flash out like this. And in a mind-blowing tornado, you are all pushed and forced through the door. And you find yourself moments later in a locker room. No, no, God's damn it. No, I'm on to this. With Judge Edo. Hey! Hey, I'm the owner of a really successful beer company.

You know! You know who has 100,000 gold? No, I will not. I am a god. I immediately try to bar fight Judge Edo. Beancey hook up a main line of Arwise. You started to go into him? Yeah.

Yeah, roll furnish. I cover my crotch. Just real quick. I got a seven, which is five. Okay, he got... Oh, no, I'm not... I'm not whispering. He got a national 16.

He plane shifts and disappears out of nothing. No! No! God's damn it! No! Gigantus Elephantius! Solution! This is your fault! Damn you! And that is where we'll call it. Versus! I was ready! That's amazing! Well, who would have thought this would...

Who would have thought this would be a cautionary tale about seeking Godhood? I do think that Babbar would be a great campaign villain. No! Dumb it! You'll learn something today. I can't wait to have a delicious Budweiser. I'll serve it at my chain of gazpacho.

Let's make an exclusivity deal. Yeah, why don't we invite all of your lady friends to the new restaurants, respectively, and we'll still have a good time with her and not your god? Babaw, maybe you could start small by preaching on local campuses. I think you know if you're a charismatic leader You can make up a story about aliens and a volcano Hey let's go visit the volcano I'll be lava now

College kids will believe anything And then we can just start spreading a word And we could use your charisma God my head fucking head Thanks everybody Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to,

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And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a folk horror fifth edition supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again and we'll see you next time.