Legends of Avantris - The Nightmare Before Witchlight | A Halloween One-Shot

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Join Bitsy, Chuckles, Briggsy, and Gideon on a spooky adventure...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris

Welcome to Legends of Evantris. You are all walking through a dark wood. You have been walking for days at this point. It has been difficult to find places to camp. The woods around you have been treacherous. And in any point that you feel the need to rest overtake you, there is a sense of being watched, of being stalked, hunted. Your sleep is broken, fragmented, and you're all exhausted. Physically, you do not,

you are not enjoying, or mechanically, you're not enjoying exhaustion, but you feel very close. Another night, like the ones that you've had over the past couple of days, and you will not be able to hold off the exhaustion that is lurking at the edges of your mind. And it is here that you find yourselves. Once again, watching as night descends around you, and you hope against hope, that you can find some place for respite. I'm gonna fucking die out here.

I hear that. He's been holding out all the hope. Oh, I wish I was dead. I've already died from a certain point of view. And I just, I just wanted to be over. I'm so tired. Gideon, will you carry me? What?

No. Why not? I'm so tired. Well, fine. You can climb up on my leg. I'm just not caring. You're like, ugh. Gideon, would you carry me?

No, no. I know what's under that shirt. I don't think I can. This is a belly. We know. He's been self-conscious about it by months. Yeah. I don't know.

It's not a competition. I don't know why you're so self-conscious about it. I'm self-conscious about it, man. I'm just saying I'm not gonna wrap you up in my arms. Well, I just think that you're a little, you're just being a salty little being. Fine, you can hold on my other legs. You want to .

What are you guys talking about? Oh, yeah. You can, you know, I'm awfully tired too. No, you're not tired. You're already dead. You actually get tired. Oh, it's actually quite relaxing. You don't have a third leg.

Can you grow a third leg? I'm talking piggyback. Yeah. If you can grow a third leg, but you would love to wrap around it. You'd love to wrap around your third leg. This is wonderful. Maybe piggyback him.

Oh, just hold on, hold on, oh. Oh, that's chains, what's the change? Oh, oh. Oh, Fakes, kid. You know, you're, you're a, you're real life safe. You know that? Oh. Well, you're welcome, everybody, I guess.

Onwards! Kiddy up! The fluttering wings! I grab your chains like reins. Hey, put those down. Put those down. That's not what those are for. We'll continue. No, we're good. We heard the DM. I just realized I don't have a beard.

Isn't it weird? Oh, gosh, that's face. The fluttering of wings startles you for a second, and the sound of the rustling of branches and tree leaves, as you realize the entire canopy of this forest begins to shake as every single bird in the vicinity takes flight, almost as if evacuating this place. Silence settles around you and you look around

and realize that this looks different from the forest you had been in before. The forest that you had been walking through previously had been any forest you could have found in Bargist or Striga, dark, tall, towering trees, rich earthy soils. And though this forest has those things, the colors are more vibrant. The greens, an unusual shade of green, you notice that some of the fungus that you see, peeking out from further within the tree line are in shades you've never seen before. Some of them, what you would imagine to see deep within the earth by a bioluminescence,

but out here amidst the trees you see them glow. You see lights, small dots of light flitting about through the canopy. Fireflies, but bearing or, yeah, you're Are they called fireflies? Lightning bugs? Park flies. Yeah, I don't know, my brain just decided it was gonna restart. Yeah, fireflies that you notice a light through the canopy

in not just the colors you've come to know, but in a veritable rainbow of colors, dancing about and almost raining down around you. There's something magical about this place, different about this place. And as you look back behind you, you realize that in all of the shenanigans of attempting to ride Gideon, that you had walked straight through a mushroom circle. Attempting.

And looking at it now, you see it fade before your very eyes. Where it had clearly been on the pathway, you watch as it slowly becomes more transparent as eventually where there had been this circle, there is nothing more. You stand in this very ancient forest. You still feel like something is watching, waiting, but it's different. What is that? Do you, do you see that?

Talking about the birds? No, talking about the fucking mushrooms. They're all glowing, and then didn't, they disappeared entirely. The birds? The mushrooms. The mushrooms, yes. And then they're gone.

Oh. They weren't glowing. They were just, your basic circle of mushrooms and you just happen to walk through them, not noticing them. Passive perception, not picking them up. It's the mushrooms that are in the tree line. You see step mushrooms climbing up some of the larger trees and you would know them to be in browns and grays and more earthy tones, but you see these ones in vibrant blues and purple and illuminated.

Privy, are you all right? Do you smell burning feathers? There was nothing glowing besides the lightning bug, they're firefly depending on your region. Well, I don't smell anything, but I mean, maybe I'm losing my mind. Oh, we're all going to die out here. It's finally taken hold. And I'll become one of the mindless

ones. Oh, we just have been in this stupid forest for too long, man. We've got to get out of here. Find some place to hold up for the night. I'm worn out. Because everyone's riding, man. I don't know why you'd be so worn out.

You're on you. Yeah, I thought you were all strong, getting. And you're like, oh gosh, my name is Gideon Cole. I'm quite strong if you didn't know. That's you. That's exactly what you sound like. Well, that's just my classic introduction. You know how else people are supposed to get to know me

if you don't say the most important thing about yourself. Yeah, you're always like, my name's Gidey, howdy, haroldy, haroldy. Oh yeah. Oh, my name's Gideon. There's a snake in my boot. Hey, man, I've never seen that one. He's a snake in his boots. He's a snake.

snake. Hey! Oh, this is the ballooning. Stop it! My hands off of it! Okay. What are you holding on to? Why don't you have one eye? Oh, oh, why am the troutersnames? Why are you jiggling it like this?

Why are you doing this? I'm only like a perfect dark gray full. No, you're holding a Jersey mic's sub. Well, Gruffy, oh, mystical, knowing, one-eyed snake, point us in the direction of our salvation that we may survive with haunted tail. Wow. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. What does it say? I look down from Gidey and shoulders.

Oh, oh. Don't beat the fuck out of me. I'm out of idea. Should we maybe just like rest for the night? We could rest here. It's nice, not tree-ish. In the DM's description, I specifically said if you rested tonight without finding adequate sleeping accommodations,

you would suffer from excess exhaustion. It's a stupid fucking idea. Pizzi. Boy, you suggest such a frame. How the fuck are you thinking you're gonna get a kill? You idiot! I'm not going to sleep on the ground! Don't call me an idiot!

Why would I not call you an idiot if you said such a stupid thing? Well, that's funny. You're not going to show it's way. It's me out of fucking rubber! Who did this one that's had 20 whiskey sour? Oh, not mine! Where do you keep getting those whiskey sours? I can't get some of my whiskey sour.

I got it. For last December wean, I got a chalky whiskey sour kit. He's down in the airport. airport. It's sounds awesome. It isn't a bokey fucking woods. Well, should I, should we just pick a random direction then? I don't have any...

Is there a path like a clear path? You're on it. We just gotta keep moving forward, or else we're gonna tear this whole party apart. Gideon is really the rabble around here. He's instigating dissension between the ranks. What are you talking about, man? Just stay over there and calm down. Oh, I can't calm down.

My whole cloud. Life is flashing. If you can't calm down, there's something about this place that's spiking your emotions. You're feeling that, that feeling, that anger that you all feel as you turn your attention on Bitsy and as your drunkenness spikes well beyond what it should for even the 25 whiskey sours that you've had this morning or this day. You feel that... My whiskey towel.

You feel that overcome you. I need you all to roll wisdom. saving throw for me. Oh, no. Oh. Chuckles at disadvantage because you're intoxicator. I already got a natural one. Oh, I got a natural one.

Oh, I got a nine. I got a four. Great. Actually, can each of you roll a D10 for me, please? Me? Yeah. Oh, a D10. Oh, which D10 should I use?

I got a four. I got a four as well. Rewol the, got me. I got a fake. Hold on, I'm Briggs. Just to clarify, not, Bremie? They're basically saying. I don't know who Grimmie is.

Who is this weird alligator? He just chewed up and started walking. Oh, I got two as well. R-roll. What did you get Mike? I got two as well. Six. Mike.

I got six. You love candy corn. You don't understand why people don't like it. You feel the need to convince everyone that candy corn is the superior candy. Nine. You got a nine, thank you. You got a four?

Yeah, four. Things become much funnier, and when you laugh, it always comes out as a witch's cackle. You got a two? Two. You've eaten too much candy. You are incredibly nauseous. Oh, get home stout.

And you got a what, a nine? Nine. You believe you are a werewolf. The nickel back of candy. What? What? Candy corpour. Candy cor.

Candy cor. Candy corn is fucking gross. I'm saying candy corn. Candy corn is a lot better than everyone thinks. If it wasn't for Brian Posein on that one interview, no one has any problem with candy corn. It's the best candy. The way that the waxiness gets stuck in your teeth

and it kind of disintegrate, that shit is so fucking good. It makes me go fucking cuckoo bananas. Funny, none of what you're saying is even remotely appealing about candy corn. No, it's un-rationally hated just because it's cool to hate, like nickel back or creed or imagine dragons. What the fuck are you talking about? Candy corn is the greatest candy ever made.

I gotta stop thinking about candy. Can you just keep please hold steady? I'm gonna get down. I'm gonna pee. Why do you laugh when I said banana bits? Because banana. Do I make you laugh? Am I funny to you, Bixie?

Sometimes. What kind of funny? Am I a ha ha funny? Am I a clown? I think your banana's funny. You know it takes a lot better than a banana? What's that? Candy corn.

You really like candy corn? Somebody got any candy corn on it? I don't have any candy corn. Get, why are you growling? You should stop growling. Is that? Anybody else see that? Open the sky.

Oh, no. There's a beautiful, pearly, full moon. Oh, no. Oh, guys. Oh, this is it. What? What is it? Oh, we're all dead. And by we're all dead, I mean you're all dead. Because it's happening.

Oh, God, what? We're all gonna be dead if we don't get some fucking candy corn right now. Oh, candy corn, can't help you. Oh, my God. You're staring up. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean you had a job.

Candy corn can't help you, James. Oh! It can't? No, I can't help you. Let me down, let me down, let me down, please. Strapping to the tree. That's your best chance.

Strang me to the tree, so glad to anybody. Go, go, no, quickly. The chains! Oh, hold on. Time it in! It's the same. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got a rope. I got a rope.

I grab onto one end of it, and I start to run around you, around your legs. Empire's straight. I started, I'm dragging you, but I'm going to try to wrap up like an AT&T from fucking Empire Strick's back. I'm making longer, making longer. Oh, I've never told you guys you guys. I'm turning you into my most feral self.

Let me get down. I'm going to like basically all sitry and all fall off. And I start running around you as faster and faster and faster and faster. and faster and faster and just trying to completely attach you to the tree. I think, I think I got it. You all right, Katie? That's good, no, I'm not all right, and soon you won't be either. Because I'll have torn you lived from them.

Why, I tied you to a tree. You can't escape at all. Oh, that's insulting. You didn't get for one taking I can't escape from these. Oh, yeah. What in your voice change? All right, because I'm changing. Grummihymy Briggs it. What are you just going?

This cremig guy? Why does everybody keep going with me crevy? I bet there's more. There is no stopping me now. The change will come. What's happening? The change will come. I'm turning.

I'm turning into a... To what? Oh, you could try. You could try, but it's all too far gone now. Oh, Bithy. I don't have the heart to do it. You don't have the heart to kill? I'll do it if I...

No, don't kill him. Are you fucking serious? Yes. fucking serious. I've never been so serious is Brexit. Oh, you don't know long, a whale, wolf. Well, you just wait, once I'm bass within the moon's full glow. It's not really the right tool for the job, but... I pull off my hat.

I get this, this will do, and I'll pull this silver revolver. It's all my hat. Like a giant cartoon. Well, that'll do it. I don't have the heart. I was getting ready to say that the joke's on you that wouldn't do it, but that sure looks like it wouldn't do it. Maybe just put that down for a second.

Maybe just put that down, I don't think. I'm already tired of the chain. I'm tired of your room, good, and good, and good, and good, and close your eyes. You've been cursed with like cancer, Pete. Oh, you'll clearly sever the roof and I'll break free and I'll kill you in an instant. You think I'm going to miss? Just saying, just do.

Oh yeah. Or you did. Short shooting point blank. Okay. Right in the chest. Okay. I walk up and I'll just put it against your stomach. It'll be real fast.

Oh, a gut shot? Yeah, I can reach. I can only go. Shoot me in the gut, shoot me the gut. I think we only have one choice. We'll feather with artery. Yeah. And it'll be extremely painful for Gidding you.

painful for Gideon, but it'll die a lot faster than a gut shot. Okay. Take the shot of your pain. Oh! Where are the kidneys? I think I eat too much sugar. You think I know where the kidneys are? I don't know.

Aren't you a masseuse or something? I'm not the mixing of my cannons. I've got magical human talent. No, it's a mousouseouse. Oh, a mousy. Mishy the mouth hoof. Well, Giddy's been nice to know in you. I'll try to talk some sense into them.

By the way, Gideon. Do you have any candy corn? No, I don't have any candy corn. Oh, do it, Benzie. I mean, now I have to be candy corn. You haven't changed yet. It's coming! It's unsalpable.

And once it happens, I'll rip you in from them. I won't want you. Okay. But I will enjoy it. I don't think we have any choice, you guys. A giant cartoon clock on my wrist. It'll just tick. And suddenly five o'clock shadow will appear on my face.

It's like one of those 90s alarm clocks. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The legs coming off the bottom, girl. Biffy, what are you waiting for? Take the shot. All right. This hurts me a lot more than it hurts you, kiddian. Oh, no.

You find this very funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha. As you grab me on telling you, doesn't you know. I love you so much. Ah, ha ha, ha, ha. Where is... I see my little flag comes out. Yeah, a little flag, though.

A sour bullet is getting in its heart. Good eye, everybody. The tension is palpable as this happens, and as the bang sounds, it echoes throughout the forest, you once again hear the sounds of wings, as birds alight into the air, and escape from this place. You close your eyes that you're still laughing

comically at this situation. And as you open them, you see Gideon slumped forward, eyes closed. But the gun, out of the barrel, is nothing more than a straw and a flag that just bang. And he didn't have the stomach. No, it's not, too, can't care them. Huge, that word.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Even God he's fucking candy corn. Ugh! Yes! Finally! I give him a bunch of cats.

No! Oh, I'm going in a diabetic shop. Someone give me CPR. Oh, it's so good. Hurry. Okay, hurry. Oh, he's so good. Do it again.

Oh, no. I'm an emphatic fugitive. Oh, I mean, it's weird. Don't do this in front of me. I can't look away. Keep me a lot, Vincy, please, you're like cracking all my ribs. Chunks, sir.

Because I'm using my hands of mercy. And this goes on for about five minutes. And as you are all laying here, completely spent, empty, exhausted, nauseous, you begin to feel your equilibrium, turn, you feel your control of your emotions come back, you realize you're not a werewolf? Where did that even come from?

You haven't eaten candy all day. That's half the problem of this journey is you haven't had anything to eat. The only thing to consume has been all of the whiskey sour is that Chuckles has been hoarding for himself. Chuckles, your mouth is filled with candy corn. We're bitty, got it, you haven't had anything. You don't know, but your mouth is chalky and dry

and filled with the remnants of your spit, or your vomit. It's awful. It's awful. Bitsy, you still think everything's hilarious. Bitsy, yeah. Do you give me a bunch of handful of baby bell cheese wax ryes?

Yeah. Yeah. It's clumps of red wax. With the wall paper. That, the gloves and red wax are like, I love those little guys. Oh, you send me laugh, Bixie. Oh, me insulin levels, I think they're okay.

Everything is slightly less foot on. Oh. Somebody cut me down from here. What's going on? Okay, just one minute. All the ropes, just immediately untwined and deep. Oh, yeah, hold on one thing. I'll press on my flower and like a fucking, a tape measure.

It'll just, uh, ripped back into my pocket. Oh, well, I'm glad we haven't lost our heads. Idiin, are you okay? Are you still cursed with lichanthrape? Gonna turn to a werewolf all scary? No, but you shot me in my femoral artery. I didn't shoot you.

I attempted to shoot you, and it turned out it was a toy gun because Chuckles is a clown. You feel a spot on your thigh where you imagine that there might be a small bruise tomorrow, but nothing more. This little stick came out. I'm gonna bruise from that, bitchy, okay? Okay, how's that supposed to make me feel? You bruise easy.

That's just a coldly. Keep me getting... I mean, I'm getting... Sorry, I have a little bit of sense. Hey, golly! I thought we were just rifting on each other like friends, and you had to say something like that. It's just a little bruise.

I'm sorry. Oh, lee! I'm sorry. And what the hell? I get lichanthropy one time You put a silver gun bullet to my heart and you're going to blink. I would expect the same of you, idiot. Oh, well, now you can, okay?

Now you can. If I ever get like cancer, Pete, you can shoot me too. Yeah, straight in the heart, and I won't miss. Well, fine, I'll just take my gun back. Oh, ho! He blows the tree and he blows a tree and head. He blows a tree and out. Oh, wrong bullet.

Oh, okay. I just put that around. Yeah, I mean, you know. You play some fucked up games, yeah. The only way I know how to feel alive, is he? He want one of these cheeses?

You'll make you feel alive. You can pull a little string around him and everything. Now that I have a taste for the wax, get the cheese out of here. Or take the wax. Okay. Now we're out of bullets. I can't kill anything to eat.

Fuck. we just need to keep going. I mean, it was one path, and we already came for that way. We just got to keep going forward. You imagine you're probably going to need to veer up into the forest. No, never mind. You're going to speak of you.

You're going to fucking idiot. You're going to fuck. What's the fuck are you going to say? That's such a thing. Obviously, we leave the path and go on the fucking woods. We're going in the woods, all right? The woods, 50. You better get the fuck into the woods right now. That's fine.

Do it. Pull out my actual gun. I'll leave the way there. I don't even care. Lead us north. Are you eating? Baby veiled cheese. It's a baby belt.

It's now canonical that Bitsy loves baby melled jeans. We follow Bitsin to the darkness. My teeth, they're all stained and red. Can you roll a group perception check for me, please? A group perception? Yeah, I'm gonna use that as an investigation. Ooh. Oh.

14. 23. 21. I got a 24 for some reason. Oh. We're quite receptive. If only that were enough. Shit.

No, you. You travel through the woods for about an hour. This is, you feel, just don't swallow down the wrong two. This is you feel your last chance at finding someplace to sleep. Traveling the road, you have no guarantees. You'll get to any kind of town or hamlet or anything. The road does not provide you cover from the things that, lurk in the woods. And so the cover of tree line is the best that you can manage and you hope

that maybe somewhere out here you will find something. And it takes about an hour traveling through the woods. You're still staying close to the road, just parallel to it inside of the tree line as you look for any signs of any signs of habitation. And eventually, You find what appears to be the ruins of some sort of fence. In closing, who knows what at one point, but is now overgrown by plant life. A tree has grown up through part of it, and the remnants of the wooden fence are still embedded in the tree, where it kind of grew around it, becoming one with this thing. You see that a huge part of the fence itself has been broken off and maybe scavenged by other

life in this place, but there clearly was some sort of settlement here. With that you look further and you see that just beneath the top layers of soil there at one point was clearly a path that went deeper into the woods and you imagine that following that you might be able to find something. This fence has been destroyed by something. Do you think anything was trying to get in or something was trying to get out? Are we in or are we out? Maybe with Gideon what we were all threeping.

What? Yeah, what? What if you turn a new werewolf in brother then? Did you turn into a werewolf to break this fence? We haven't been sleeping in like 20 hours. You're gonna have to repair this fence right away. Just sleeping 20 minutes ago. Were we?

You had 20 whiskey showers and 20 minutes? You were at the end of your day. You've been traveling all day long. It is nightfall. No, I had a weird dream where candy corn with a good. Oh, that sounds more like a nightmare. Chuccas is losing it. Put that cut away.

No. If you're gonna hold it at least finger control. It's called trigger control, all right? Turn this trigger safe. They're for cowards and Luther. And definitely don't look into the barrel to check if it's loaded. No!

No. Oh, ma. I'm dabby, dog. Your nose spitz around. My nose in my mouth. And I'll turn around. It looks like you was loaded. I did not, I did not endorse this message.

Oh my God. Oh. We gotta keep going, Chuck. Losing your mind. Okay. I think this is it, guys. If we don't go through here, I think we're just done. I think we're fucking dead.

This is the last chance we have. Maybe the fence is the sign of additional structures to come. Some kind of civilization. Some of built it. Come on, let's go. Okay. Be careful and quiet. We start to make our way down in the path

that it would be obvious for our characters, but perhaps not the players, because we're all Yes. Perfect. We make the right choice. You do? As characters and players. Okay, awesome.

You all have your trick or treat pumpkins, yes. What? Oh. Oh, yeah. What? Just making sure. I don't know this is just randomly on the table. I mean, it really has no purpose.

I just wanted to give you trick or treat pumpkins, and I'm going to have you do something with it, but it's not that important. Oh my God. God, look at this pocket. You find the path and you attempt to follow it. And as you do, you notice that the fence does extend along. It looks like some sort of enclosure that was

surrounding a large swath of land. And eventually, you get to a point where the tree line fins out. And you see sitting in the middle of this opening a small, run-down cottage. It's completely dark, thatched roof, cobbled stone outside.

The structure is part of it is torn down in one area, but it looks mostly whole. You imagine this is potentially a place you could sleep. As you feel the temperature begin to drop almost uncannily. As darkness has fully descended on this place, it gets very, very, very. very cold. You know, to get through this night, you'll at least need a fire, but looking at this place, it looks like there's a chimney, trees all over, its possibility of finding wood, this could solve that issue for you and give you the night's rest that you need. It's a bit of a fixer-upper, but I think we can make it work.

Hold on. If I know anything about anything, a witch lives in there. Why? Or a hag. Why? Or a sorceress. Why? You've never made dark packs with wielders of black magic before? My whole existence is a pact with the weilder of dark magic. If that was true, you wouldn't be asking why. You merely adopted the darkness. I was born in it, molded by it.

It's kind of poetically true, isn't it? From a certain point of view. you. Let's at least case to join before we step inside. Are there any lights inside or smoke from the chimney? It's completely dark. It could be someone like me living in there. It's like a nice little cottage and look I love cottage corn. You're right Bithee. We should stop being so cynical and dark. Not everything is a trap, Briggsie. We all need to learn to be more trusting. And if there's anything evil in there we've got two guns. It's true.

Yeah, that is true. Who needs courage when you have a gun? Oh, hello! I go out of the door. We walk up to the door in it. So you're not casing the joint. No. The loaded shot revolver at the ready.

I'll try the door, and I will knock as I try it, but I'm also trying the handle. The door is not locked. It creaks open easily on its hinges. on its hinges and you are able to see that this place is has clearly not been inhabited for a long time. It's covered in layers of dust. The cabinets are, the dust on them is at least an inch thick and as you look around you see that there are bits of the previous owners' possessions lying all about this place. The bed in the corner is completely molded

and ratty, it was a straw-stuffed mattress. It's fallen through the termite-eaten, wooden frame. And most of the straw is just laying there clumped on the floor, partially damp, covered in mold. You see bits of fungus sprouting up from within it. The fireplace that you were hoping to light a fire in is partially collapsed, and you now see that probably the back part of the chimney had worn down and fallen away and all the rubble had fallen into the fireplace and spilled out over the floor. This place is not much of a place that you imagine

that you could stay. It's cold now and one of the windows is busted out. The air is whipping in here and it's chilling you to the bone. It's nowhere to sleep. There's nowhere to make a fire. or in the middle of these lost woods, and then you notice it on the shelf in the living area. A small diorama of a beautiful mansion of sorts,

a manor house. And inside of one of the windows is the soft flickering light of flame. It's tiny, it's, Bitsy could hold it in her hand, something that someone would have taken hundreds of hours to make. A lot of love had to have been put into something like that. And even though the rest of this place is completely covered in dust, this small diorama of this house is completely dust-free.

It looks brand new as if it was just made yesterday. How do you see, it looks so perfect and holy and clean? Where the fuck did that come from? Well, you think that's witches? I mean, it certainly looks like witches. What's that little tiny house, man? There's places a fucking dump, and there's like flickering lights inside a creepy little perfectly intact house.

Everyone's getting in the tiny homes these days break feet. That tiny? I mean, why stop there? Well, we can't stay here. It's really fucking gross. I don't know, this bed looks like. like it's perfect. Just mouse stuff.

Oh, but. I don't think that's mouth stuff. Well, I mean, I guess it could be kind of nice. It'll walk over and it'll just stand in the corner. This corner is pretty nice. Ooh. We all get hurt by an unseen witch. Does it, can we see any movement

in the little tiny manor house? Are you moving towards it? You are still at the entrance to this place. So Bitsy's not holding it yet. It could. No, it could. For the sake of theater of the mind, it's about the same size as the death house that I made.

Oh. That's pretty cool. Could I reach it from my height? I would say it's up a little too high for that. Hey, Kiddhian, will you go grab that and let me see it a little closer? Yeah, I guess. I'm just go pick up the witch house. Nothing bad is going to happen.

Here it is. Good luck. No funeral. To me, I want to see you. You pick up the house and you immediately feel a vibration in your hands. But there's almost a warmth to this. Oh. Oh.

It feels soothing and inviting. You for a second feel like you smell pastries, freshly baked. Is that mama's warm biscuits? Oh. Your mama does have the best more bits. Hey, you shut your mouth, you shut your mouth, you know, mouth, you'll be able to be it. Yeah, you're stupid old drunk.

Yours are stinky old drugs. Where's it I do? You're not very good looking either, all right? Yeah, you're awfully ugly. This boy, your gigantic penis. You know what Mama Cole with them. Hey, I take the house I smash it over his hat. Oh, no.

No, I don't do that. Are you sure? Well, I'll just park him. You take the house and you go to smash it over his head. I need to make a wisdom saving throw. At what? Disadvantage. Ten.

As you're going to slam this down, you have this strange feeling. You don't want to hurt this. It would be better not to do that. And you rear up your fist. and you punch into him instead. Well, it's a shame to waste good witchcraft. I was punching Stan! Oh, my kidney!

You see, that's where the kidney is. Oh, yeah. How was Davis Died to me? Roll it. Yeah, well, I mean, you should roll a hit, because you could miss. Oh, that's true. Or you could hit real soft, you know,

or real hard. Oh, that hits. 20. 20 points of damage. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just 20 to hit it. Oh, and I do need all of your hip, like how much HP to each of you have? Oh.

10 points of damage. I have 51 of the health points. Uh, 70. I need to pull up D&D beyond. 48. Bhabo, babo. Meeky Makalika is the thing to say. What the fuck?

What is that? Oh, William Trout! Oh, no, God, they got there here, too? God, where is he? There is. I have very little hill. I have 51 hit points, holy shit. That's not too bad.

Thank you. So yeah, you do the hit points to him doing a significant amount of damage considering, well, I mean, I don't remember. How much did you say you did? Ten points. Oh, yeah, that's a lot of you. That sucks for you. That's a quarter of my hit point.

I'm more like a fifth. Well, I'll teach you about here talking about people's mammas, all right. You say the word, Mama, and you feel almost immediately this sense of nostalgia, and you look towards the house for a second, as you smell very clearly the smell of Mama's cooking. This house really take me back. Me too. What the fuck? You greasy clown!

And everyone wondered why Gideon became a clown killer. This is what? This is the origin. This is the origin. Well, I don't think this has anything to do the witch and it smells too good. You really smelling that dire ron. Let me smell. No.

Come on. Don't all I'm smelling? Her. She asked for her first. I don't mean. No, I don't think you do. She couldn't reach it, you know, and reachers' keepers.

That's true. Everybody knows Reaches Keepers, Bixie. Everybody knows. Sucks to suck. I know Reaches' keepers. Yeah, I mean, that's the number one rule of tools. Yeah, don't you know that? Reacher's keepers.

Just decide. The rules are meant to be broken. Let Bithy take a look at it. She is a mouth. perhaps she understands the house it's the rule of the rhyme well I find that very convincing so on as you go to hand it over you hear very clearly you look like you need a place to stay young man what are you hungry who's that I look right now I didn't even place to stay your mother would be very upset with me

if I didn't take care of you from one mother to another, come in. Let me feed you. Already in. Let me give you a place to rest. Can I hear this? How close are you? I would have been like,

I would have been right in within, reached. I would say very, very softly. It's hard for you to make out all of the words, but you definitely hear that there were. And I would say from your vantage point, you can tell that they're coming from inside of the little house. There's a tiny voice as quiet as a mouse,

talking to Gideon. from inside the house. I do like when older women take care of me. Oh, what? Me too. Kitty and let go. I told you that we've mixed stuff going on. Okay.

Come on, Kitty. What are we waiting for? I thought I was getting slooped by the house. I think you have to say yes or something. Oh, well. So are you, are you just holding, are you looking at it, or are you doing anything with it? Oh, to be or to be.

That is my question. You see the lights on the inside the one light flicker and then as you're watching this you immediately You see as the entire house illuminates every light in every room comes on soft flickering candlelight and though you can't see a figure you see a shadow move very quickly across the room That would would be the kitchen inside of this house and the smell of food wafes out over you the smell of baked meats, and you see the, all of you then see as puffs of smoke begin to billow out of the chimney of the house. You hear the voice again. You should come in, let me take care of you.

Just knock three times on the door and I'll let you in. That's pretty easy. Just knock three times, huh? I'm on which door? Oh, no, there's a door right here on the house. You know, just telling me to knock three times. So if I knock here, I get to go eat good cooking. Just don't hurt the diorama.

It looks delicate. Are you really listening to a hag voice? What are you doing? Don't you, to fucking do stuff? Smell it. Oh. I can't really smell nothing. You can.

You can. You haven't smelled anything in the longest time. And though Gideon's telling you that he's smelling, smoked meats and things that are biscuits, things that are reminiscent of his home. You smell spice. Oh. You smell things that are reminiscent of the sea.

What? And your time on a ship. No, I know. I know that's what you're getting at. I just. You know what, that's all you get, okay? It's salty and fishy. It's like home.

Yeah. Does that mean? So it's okay, Brickley? It's okay to go in? We gotta go in. Yeah. We gotta go. I'm convinced. The lights on the house increase in intensity

for a split second and all of you feel yourselves loose consciousness. It's happening. And when you wake up. Not again. You actually just thought back to the shower. You feel yourselves lose consciousness and your body is hit this. the floor of this cottage. And when you wake up, you see that you're in a parlor as your eyes come to. There's a hearth directly in front of you. In the very middle of the room, there is an ornate wooden

flower table that has a large crystalline vase and it is brimming with beautiful flowers of varying colors. There are tufted chairs and benches that line the walls. This is very clearly an entertaining room of some sorts. But as you look all around, you see that there are no windows and no doors. The only thing in front of you is the fireplace that appears to be, or that is completely empty. It looks like it could work, but there's no wood in it. There's no fire. illuminating it. And the only other thing that you notice is instead of a mantelpiece or a portrait or anything that you would normally see adorning a fireplace, there is a stone gargoyle that protrudes from the top with two, for its eyes, two beautiful shimmering rubies that reflect the flickering

candlelight of the sconces that line the room. The gargoyle is reaching out. with both of its claws, a look of a mischievous grin on its face. The smells, though, they're all still there. So somewhere else deeper in this place, if there were doors to find, you could find a kitchen where there would be fresh biscuits and butter, fluffy potatoes, fresh grilled fish, steamed vegetables, and feather mattresses, and feather mattresses on sturdy beds,

fresh hot baths, clean clothes, and a wine cellar fit for a king. Oh, fellas, this is heaven. I never want to leave. Why you're acting all weird? I smell wine. And I lift like Scooby-Doo in the air. Oh.

And I float towards whatever the direction I feel wine might be. There's no way to tell you're in a room with no entrances or access. I'm smelling biscuits, man. Honey. I just float around in the room. But there's... Not in here, just this... This is a fireplace. Oh, yeah.

and my eyes extend and all Scooby-Dew float up to the Ruby eyes. I will try to pull them out of the eye sockets of the gargoyle. Nice. You're trying to attempt to remove the rubies? Yeah. Oh, these are nice. Roll as, I guess, a strength. Oh, I thought they might just be sitting in that.

Like three. You reach up and you try and wedge your thumb. behind one of the eyes and very quickly you feel the stone move beneath your hand. And the head begins to shake. Trying to take my eyeballs out. And you watch as the gargoyle flexes her wings and stretches out her arms, flexes her fingers,

as she pushes against the stone of the fireplace and completely removes herself as she hops down. She is smaller than Bitsy. She's maybe a foot and a half tall as she starts to prance around and stretch out her limbs. Oh, God, I've been in there forever. Well, hi. Hi.

My name's Bittsie. What's your name? Oh, my name's Ruby on the count of my Ruby eyes. That makes sense. Oh, are they actually rubies or are they sort of like flesh that looks like Ruby? Try and true, best rubies you could ever find. Look at the way they sparkle in the light,

aren't they pretty? That's very lovely. If I take a look. I would love it. if you take a look. I take one of those little jewelers, like little mini spyglass, what the fuck that they're called?

Oh, oh my. He's worth at least 25 to have a little piece of me. Honestly, they're probably worth more than that. Do you need them for sin or they're just like. That's how I see everything is through these rubies. Where are we and how do we get to the wine that I can smell through my clown nose? Where we are is a really difficult question.

but we're inside of the house. We're inside of Mother's house. Oh. Yeah. The end of the wine is going to be more difficult, though, because that wizard locked Mother away a long time ago, and to get her out, you're going to have to make the key, and no one's been able to do it yet, so,

well, I guess you'll just be here until we add your bones to the rest of the pile, you know. Whoa. Whoa, there ain't no human bones around here. What are you talking about? All those mashed up human bones inside the fireplace? Oh, well, this place is a bit of a fixer-upper, but it's got good bones. It's pretty funny.

Yeah. That's the truth. It's always so sad when they wither away, but at least they keep me company for a while. Well, all of those skeletons were a bunch of little weaklings. We are going to figure this out and save your mother and enjoy her home cooking, if you know what I mean. She'll take care of you really well if you could get her out. You said we have to make a key? Oh, yeah.

There's a mold over there on the table next to the vase. And they have a cauldron so that you can melt down all the ingredients. But no one's been able to collect the ingredients to do the process and make the key. I'll pick up the mold. This one? You pick up a mold and it's very clearly for a skeleton key. Is that because none of the ingredients are in this room and we can't get out of it? Yeah, I can help you get to the places you need to go to get the ingredients,

and then I can help unlock the door to the mother, but are you really sure you want to take this task? You could just spend time with me until you starve to death. Well, yeah, I think the alternatives of starving to death sounds better than starving to death. That's nothing to do with you, though. Yeah, that's what they all say. Well, I mean, you can't really blame them. It's not like, it's a them thing if not wanting to... thing if not wanting to starve to death. You shouldn't take it personal. I don't.

Okay, good. Do you say a wizard was involved? Oh, yeah. There was this really dapper-looking wizard. He found this place and he locked mother away. He said she was no good, but that's not true because mother takes care of everybody. This house used to be like a big, regular-sized house. I don't think so, but I don't know. Remember a time before mother was locked away. Can we look out, are there, There are no windows. Mm-mm. Hmm.

Hmm. Well, how do we start getting to some of these ingredients? You say you can take us somewhere? Well, I'm not going to take you anywhere. What I can do is I can unlock the doors inside of the fireplace. I'm a gargoyle, you see. I've got some really cool stone abilities, and I can go ahead and shape it

and allow you guys to move to different rooms in the house. Once you finish there, I can bring you back here and hopefully you collected what you need. Or you get stuck in that room. and you could die there too. Oh. Well, you seem like a really good friend to have in a strange house like this one.

Yeah, but I can't do much because I can't leave here. And my wing is broken, and she turns around and you see that one of her wings has been completely severed. So even if I could get out, I couldn't fly away or anything. I'm stuck here.

How'd that happen? I don't want to talk about it. Oh, that's very sad. We'll avenge your wing, and we're going to go and finally rescue Mother and let her out of here, and nothing bad's gonna happen ever again here. That would be really awesome,

because mother tells me all kinds of really nice stuff every day, all day about the things she's gonna do if I help someone to get her out. And so I think that that would be a great idea. Wait, like what kind of stuff did she say? You know, like kill all humans or? No, of course not. She said that she would, I've kind of been lonely a lot,

you know, I've been stuck in here. And I don't remember where I was beforehand. And so she was telling me that she could help me make some friends with all of the children and that I would never be alone again. And she would make me dinner and I would have my own room. And she said she might even be able to fix my wing for me. Oh, that's not so good. That sounds really nice.

Yeah, I was just thinking I had this friend Little Green once who freed this cook. And we thought that was a good thing. And then she went on to kill the entirety of the town we were trying to save. So it really took a turn on us in the end. And not going to monkey, Paul. We're in a tiny house. in a creepy cottage in the middle of a spooky wood talking to a garboyle. What's the worst that can happen, Gideon?

Well, when you put it like that? You could starve to death and I could add your body to the bone pile in the fireplace, I guess. He's making the bone pile sound pretty good. Do you happen to know where this house is, like what street it's on, or what state it's in, or which tri-county area it's a part of? What's in? What's in the tri-county? I know the house has 13 bedroom or 13-bedroom.

or 13 rooms in total. I know that there's an expansive garden and there's a beautiful orchard. Oh, we love apples. Are they apples in the orchard? I don't know, I've never been there. Can we have a quick sidebar? Oh, sure, can I listen in?

No. Oh, okay. She walks over and she turns herself, you hear the creaking of the stone as she sits in the corner between the fireplace and the wall, and she'd be, begins to hum to herself loud enough that she can't hear anything that you're saying.

What is it, Princey? I don't know about you, but this sounds like a fucking crazy witch hag stuff. What are you talking about? Some kind of mother. Yeah? And can make me smell stuff. Yeah?

And can shrink us into a tiny little house. Yeah? He sounds like black magic. It sounds like a really awesome situation. Better than those spooky fucking woods. Do you think we're still in the cabin just in this little house? Who knows?

I think we're on 13 Dead End Drive. Where's Dead End Drive? It's right next to Elm Street. Yeah. What part of the county is that in? It's the west side. It's the dark side. It's the dark side.

All right. I have a plan to get out of here. All right? Just follow my lead. Well, hold on. Let's move it on it. The crew, we vote. What else will we vote?

What are the sides of the vote? Oh. Okay. God, this guy. All right, just follow my lead. What are you thinking, Brie? I mean, is the plan not to just get this key? What if it's your part of the plan?

What if like, oh, for her to suck out our souls? We need to make a key. We'd be playing right into her hands. Well, what's the other? It sounds like the only other option is to become a bone pile. No, plan eight. Maybe the condition is to starve to death, and then we'll wait. up in our bodies inside that old creepy house that can be plan B

what I want to make that plan like F there's apples right on the other side of it no it's apple than wine you can stop to death if you eat anything you'll be playing into a collection you're telling me that there is a mother who's gonna we're gonna go right into her hand then she's gonna suck up all the hell yeah if we think off hell's a really fucking nice guys it's the ritual if we make the key Then she gets what she wants. Oh, the only solution is for us to heroically die from starvation. I've wanted to eat an apple and taste it for as long as I can remember.

But I don't want to go through leaps and bounds and risk our lives. All for a taste of apple pie. Just to be tricked. I don't think it's a trick. This cargo seems pretty cool. She's got Ruby fries. I've never had Ruby fries. But we had lame old clown.

Dry eyes. I used to know a fella. Biddle named sausage. Sounded a lot like you when you're turning into a werewolf weirdly, right? Yeah. He got one whiff of apple pie. Wrist his life to save a girl.

And he didn't make it off of the pie. Apple pie, do greatly shit to a man. I'm gonna say. That's right. But it's not really good. We gotta go. I know it does, and that's what scares me. Okay.

Okay, we're gonna try plan A and then we'll go to plan B. Wait, with plan A? Help! I'm gonna let's run to the end and start begging on this door. Hey, put me, show it, you don't help! Hell! And I'm just shouting. You see someone walking along the path? Huh?

Please, please, help. You pound on the walls for a while, and eventually the space is filled with a lot. voice come down my little ones mother's here will take care of you if no need to fear I want to give you everything that you want to need for taste back your life back those loved that you've lost anything your heart desires mother can help you is You just have to help mother first. I'm baking for my new babies.

I'll make sure your bellies are filled when all of this is through. All right, plan A didn't work. What's plan B? That was plan A. No plan A? Yeah, that was plan A. I can't believe that I get-

Wait. You give us anything we want? Anything we want. Anything we want, Brinkfeet. I'm all out of baby-billed cheese. All I got is that. Wire thin net bag that they come in Oh you know what's really fun to kind of stick your finger and break them

Oh, that's fun, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's pretty fun. Yeah, oh, it's all gone Oh, now we truly have nothing. Well, if we help this mother out you might be able to get you another empty bag of baby bell cheese Let's fucking go. I don't have any better idea. Let's go. Okay, Ruby. We're ready to escape this room. I'm here with my three best friends. We're all little buds from Dollar Reefing back at Applebee at the bachelor party. We're ready to go.

Are you our quiz master? I don't know what any of that means. What means we're ready to go through the fireplace? Okay, well, so here's the thing, all right? You're going to have to get four different ingredients. if you want to make the key. So we got to melt down some things inside of the cauldron, light the fire, and that's fine.

I can handle getting the wood. I can handle getting the fire going. Once we get back with all the ingredients, right? And I'm going to come with you because I'm bored and lonely. So we just have to figure out where you want to go first. I guess there are four directions we could go unless one of them is like up or down, which would be weird. It's a wonderful.

Well, I think we should, I think we should figure out which one of the ingredients you want to get first. So first... Whatever is those in a wine feller? Oh, there are none ingredients, there are none ingredients in wine cellar.

Fuck! What are the four ingredients? I'm so glad you asked, Bitsy. My pleasure, Eadie. I like your eyeballs. Oh, thanks so much. Me too. I like your nose in the way it twitches

every time you're thinking, which isn't very often. It's never twitched once. It's slipping. Yeah, I'm pretty to mitty. All right, well, the first thing that you're going to need is the femur bone of a lost love. The next thing you're going to need

is the ectoplasm of a ghost. Ecoplasm, that's going to be fun. The next thing that you're going to need is devil's iron. Devil's iron. Devil's iron. And then the final thing you're going to need. The other thing you're gonna need is a vial of hangman's fat.

Oh, that also found pirate as fuck. It's generally pirate shit. But it found a pretty heavy metal. Is that fat sold by a hangman or is it the fat from a hangman? I'm sorry, what? Oh, hangman's fat. That's like owned and then given away or sold from a hangman? Or is it like, was once of the hangman?

I'm trying real hard. One's of the hangman. What he's trying, what she means to say is when you, when there's of the hang, when you, there's of the, the, well, there's the fat, of the, yeah. Those are two options. Yeah, it is.

Those are two options. Yeah, it is. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Let's do the hangman's fat. Yeah, let's do the hangman's fat. Yeah, that sounds easy.

That sounds really easy. That's awesome. All right, if you're sure. Actually, you know what? I think I'm gonna go ahead and stay here where you deal with these ones. That way I can get the cauldron going and the fire brewing.

Because it's gonna take a lot of heat if you're gonna melt down devil's iron. Speaking of which, no one's ever brought that one back, so good luck. Ooh, that's a hard. Did we do the hard one first? I look the hangmates. We're a little pot committed now, Biffie.

Yeah, I think we can't, you know, we kind of said it out loud. I don't just do that one. What about, hear me at? What about, ectoplasm of a ghost? No, we're pod committed. She's got the cauldron duty. Yeah, we're parked.

All right, to hangman's fat, we go. All right, I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna transform the fireplace for a moment, just into the door you need to take. What you're gonna do to get through is you're gonna knock on it and you're gonna say trick or treat. Then the door will open, you'll go on through, and I guess I'll see you later if you succeed.

If not, I was really good. Great to meet you. It was nice to meet you. I hope we don't die or something. You probably will. It's what I'm used to now. Hey, if we get out of here but we don't see you again, should we like destroy the house and maybe you escape that way?

No. Should we leave the house alone? Yeah, it's where I live. Could we steal your eyeballs? What? If I die, you can steal my eyeballs, but it's probably not going to happen. No, no, I'm just saying if you're trapped here, but we could free your eyeballs.

I mean, at least your eyeballs are free. I don't want to be trapped here without. my eyeballs. Oh, all right. Oh. Well. We're not really looking at anything. It's an empty room.

Yeah, that's a very point. What about one of the eyeballs? Well, there's compromise. I guess we should put our cell phone in the basket. I put all of the baby belt racks into the basket. Take my gun, another gun, a knife.

Three eyes. All right. All right, and you watch as she goes over and with her long stone claws, she begins to scrape through the masonry and begin to mold almost like clay, this fireplace, into a door. And you see that the door is, it looks almost wooden, almost like the door, the kind of door that you would find on a shed. All right, well, here you go.

That's got a cool. Trick-a-tree. I roll a D-20 for me, please. Pick-a-true, I got a six. Oh, nice. Take one of the things out of the Coltern, please. Oh.

Do I have to reveal it to you? Yeah. I gain a dread against the DM. Whoa! Whoa! You feel, you knock on this door, and you immediately feel happiness. You feel delighted as the door doesn't open, but you feel yourself

propelled through it, and you find yourself standing almost instantly in a beautiful autumnal orchard. The rest of you also need to do the same. Can I just say I was been so immersed in here, oh, woo, I gain a dread against the D. I was Oh, my God. Yeah, I was a keychop. The pack is sealed. Oh. Wow, that was so cool, Bincey.

You're welcome, chuckles. Yeah. We all have to do the thing. Trick or treat, trick or treat, trick or treat for Halloween. Okay, I want you to roll a D20. 11. Okay, I need you to roll a D10 for me, please. Oh, I'll roll this under C one.

Very thematic. A fix. You love candy corn, and don't understand why people don't like it. You feel the need to convince people it's a superior candy. You got your fucking candy corn? Open up and get some fucking candy corn for Halloween. Why does everyone hate it? It's not that bad. It's really quite good and delicious.

It is a Halloween staple. It's a sour staple. And you too find yourself standing next to Bitsy in an autumnal orchard. Hey Biffy, what do you think about candy corn you got in? I got it. I like that first time. I don't have any candy corn. Give me some of that wax or pretenders,

all the pretendants of the candy corn. No, I put in the basket. Oh, fuck! It's too late to tell Briggie or Kitty and the Go Kidder. Did you get anything when you said trick-or-tree? Oh, nothing. You didn't get anything? Nothing.

I got a dread against the BL. I got a dread against the BL. In Canning universe, I've never was a bad news, and it's in cartoon and I was missing. And when he said that Derek's photo realistically, come on her mouth. Come on her mouth. A dread against the theater. I got nose on my fingers. Roll in a D-20.

11. I roll in you 10. No. Six. You love candy corn, and don't understand why people don't like it. You feel the need to convince people it's a superior candy.

Biffy. With your color scheme, you're looking a little. Corny. Like candy corn. What are you trying to say? Are you not candy corn too? Oh, who doesn't? Oh, it's super underrated.

Oh, it really is. Why does everybody hate it so much? It's just cold hate. It's like nickel back, or imagine dragons. I feel like people don't appreciate it. The whole point of it is you put them together, and it makes like a little corn on the cob. What?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can, like, stick them together if you get, like, a bunch of them, and you can make a little ring, and then you stick the rings together. It's like a little piece of corn. And you can put them together in the little teeth and a goblin's mouth.

I've never heard it. This is magical. And then you French kiss the gobbling when you get a lot of candy cart. What the fuck are you talking about? I'll be something. I feel like comfortable. I'm gonna explore this.

You're looking like a- Hey, Gidion, hurry up! These guys are talking nasty and I look like candy corn. You should tell, wait, tell Breezy when you got. We didn't get nothing. Did you get anything when you went through the door? No.

What did you get? I got... Another that I just got... Adred against the D.O. Fah! That's harder to do, then one more thing. Oh, that sounds really useful. Oh, don't lose that.

You know, Bidze, your color scheme is exactly color. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You gotta got a beige fern. Don't take a feet away from you. You're saying you're looking like a snack. And we've been weird. I'm always looking like a snake. Oh, maybe to a cat, but to a clown,

it's the resemblance of candy corn that really doesn't. Maybe the end stages of the curse are taken hold. Developing a taste for candy corn. I feel like you should have just star to death. If we could find candy corn, why I need to starve? Well, I guess it's my turn. away from that we're doing this. Yeah.

Trick or treat, I get that. It's a good. Natural 20. Oh! You may take two from the color. Oh. No, mine is that two? That's three.

This is one giant? Oh, might be a giant one, yeah. Oh, there's not going to be left. Oh, there will be. Oh, well. Gain any feat of your choice. Oh, Jesus. Well, I choose the mother's feet.

You turn any player into a character of your choice for 10 minutes. That one's an immediate one, so you do have to make that choice right now. Oh, shit. Anybody want to do something else? Wait, what? What? I get to turn any one of you into a different character for 10 minutes. From a different campaign, yeah.

Forgis, Flames, I don't know. It's my literal dream come true! Morgan's a Bitsy! Oh my God! You're not for waiting for it! Get it! Yes! Oh shit!

I'm suddenly getting like a foot shorter and like two feet wider. All of my, I'm just as bald, but I turn into a portly balding dwarf who's rubbing his sausagey fingers together. It was like, you know, the elites don't want you to know this. But candy gorge is actually quite delicious. It's actually a misinformation campaign. Chuckles, what's happening? It's a misinformation campaign that no one likes a... Fuck!

It's basically... Man! Ah, man! We were fighting for candy corn! What are you, Chuckles? All I'm saying is that, where's Gideon? We're gonna fight, we're gonna take this over, we're gonna take this orchard,

and we are going to bring candy corn back to the forefront the way that the Halloween Gaza tan. Okay. Are you weird? Yeah, I guess. Or are you paid off by the Illuminati? I don't know.

You fight the Illuminati too? Every single moment of every day. That's like me. The Illuminati, they need to go down. They control everything. Okay, you're cool. How about you? What I don't know what the fuck you're talking about?

Have you never heard of the Illuminati? No, what's the Illuminati? They control everything. Everything. Do you have any gold pieces on you? I mean, I've always got... That's how they listen to him. Get the...

Go away. Go away. Oh, God. Oh, wow do you think that the magical components require gold pieces. It's how all of the wizards. They control everything. They tell they listen to us.

They ask how they spoil on us. That's the answer. They're the ones who determine the value of material components when you cast them spare. Exactly right. See, she knows. She is wise. We are going to take this,

and we are going to go all the way to the top and convince everyone that candy cori is the best. A Hallowee panty. Well, now I can get behind, but how did I not know about this? My entire life! It's because you were, you're a sheep, while you had but the wool over your eyes. We at least convince you.

They control the narrative the whole time. Make it persuasion, Chuck. But Forgus does it an advantage, lets me serious. Yeah, do an advantage. Pretty good, pretty good. Now, I don't know, Alligator. Let's listen, it'll be 24. Yeah, I'm 24.

Well, hey, everybody. Who's this guy? The chuckles has transformed into a slightly starkier shorter chuckles. But he's smart. He knows everything I know. He does. Have you heard him this about his Illuminati?

He's not a lot. Who's the illuminated? They're turning us all against the candy corn. How do you feel about candy corn? I don't like candy corn, man. Nobody likes it. Candy corn. They were sigh up against Candy Cone. It's off there. That's exactly what you are a sheeple.

You're either going to join this resistance for Candycorn or you are an enemy and a traitor. I ain't no sheeple, all right? Well, I don't like candy corn. Well, we have to settle this like a man. I tear off my shirt. I tear off my shirt. I grease myself up. It makes me mad. Oh, some I really like about us. Excuse me. I'm a lot. I was eating hugs or waxing during the break. Ah, it's stupid fights.

And I just go. I am so glad I decided to do treats like this. I'm so glad. There's something intoxicating about him. I just started doing it. Resolve the fist fight. Are we grease wrestling? We're like real man, like a real cold blooded killer.

I come on a lot of killers, son. You sure you want to do this? do this. Well, yeah. Like our ancestors intended. And I just go, I go stocky and squat and I just try to, okay. Do you, athletics check? Yeah. God's, you were strong. 13. 19. What do you do?

Oh, you greased up, oh God, we greased up. Oh, you're greased up. Oh, you're a good fero. Yeah, you're a big threat. Gideon, how could you? How dare you talk about candy corn like that? He was grease wrestling. What are you supposed to do?

I'm going to try to sucker punch him, man. I'm talking to him. I didn't know. I just see the leg. I'm just seeing the leg and try to. I would say you're at advantage. You're an unseen attacker. Hey, okay.

I go right for the thought. Perfect. You go right for the dog. The spot in the bruise is already forming. I think I smudge myself. That's a lot of greased up grunting. 20 hits. So I will try to sweet, I'll try to hit you in your bruise

as I'm on the ground pretending playing possum. You don't know I took master class acting. Oh, gosh, you're so convincing! I will try to sweep the dang and try to pin you down as I'm covered in grease. And I'm just, I'm very hairy. I'm a very hairy bearded dwarf friend. You crush your body up against my face,

and it's like, in slow-mo. Sweaty and greasy. Bissy. Are you covered up? No, I'm not a coward up, man. You leave it up. We're on a misinterpretation campaign to this case. Wait, see, I'm watching this real man in action.

What is it? Is it some car anti-ulminori initiation? We have to go through to, like, be on the same team? Oh, it's so greasy. Yeah, probably. So should we grease rascal? And he smells- How do you feel about

Candy Corn boy? Oh, he smells like you long-eathe's banschey pepper. Oh, that's a good stuff. You have to, you have to... That's a good shit. You have to wrestle him. I'm already an imprisoned mason.

He's probably an imprisoned mason. If you guys want to be imprisoned basins, then you have to join us in Greece wrestlers. Wait so often wrestle him? Yeah. Oh, I changed my mind. It's like wrestling a shag carpet with milkshakes.

It's worse. It's worse than that. I promise you. I come in a long line of killer, boy. That had a big cowboy steak before this. Now if you aren't with me, you are my enemy. Fine, fine, I'm with you. How are you about candy corn? Fine.

And it's in this moment that you, the strange magics that have overcome you disappears and chuckles reappears on top of you, staring in your face, completely shirtless and breezed. I am pasting. I am fold. I have just folds. There's moles everywhere. You're like Zoipur, without his shadow.

I'm like a zyper, literally he's actually like, I'm like a jelly. What happened to the cool guy? What do you join us in a hala for Margaritas? Get off me chuggles. Oh, God. He's easy to toss off. He has no body strength.

Do that again. What happened? I'm so confused. I really got to ring my sponsor. Oh, my God. I'm going to make that joke. In the basket, and you see Chuggles' phone, you see the text message from the phone.

23 what? Home man. Wow. Was that true, Chuckles, everything you just told me? I don't know who there was, but I really liked him. Yeah, me too. You think we'll see him again? He was very attractive.

What the fuck? I blacked out for 20 minutes, and suddenly there's some other guy that you guys think it's cooler than I am? He turned into an imprisoned base, and he knew it all. He knew about the Illuminati. He knew the easiest way to communicate was with and fists. And that's why I love the most about him. He was okay, and he couldn't be contained. Yeah.

Bixie, could you tell me, All truths about the world? I could. Please. Well, I think it sounded like a little horses and it's kind of that's cool. Come in a poem, sir. Fun, okay?

Okay. Button it like one hole up. Yeah. What the fuck? I'm very flustered and taken it back. Well, we're in this orchard. I think we have to find some sort of hangman and ask him nicely to give us his fat.

You immediately hear behind you, Are you looking for me? Are you a hangman? You turn around and there is a man hanging from the tree. Oh, well. He is dressed in what is very clearly a farmhand's outfit. He has a sickle in one hand.

And he seems very happy and jubilant. But he is hanging from the tree. Yeah, okay. Oh, no. Oh shit. Are you dead, sir? Are you dead, sir? Well, a little bit.

What? A little bit. Oh. Same. Yeah. Are you able to leave this place, though? Because I ain't. Well, that's because I imagine

you're dead and you're hanging from your neck from that tree like that. I know. Worst mistake in my life. That's really sad. What'd you do, fella? Well, I think it's obvious. I mean, I know you were hanged,

but I mean, like, did you do some kind of crime? You know where I'm going? from the hanged pirates. Are you the feds? Are you the feds? No, I'm not the feds. This is my ears, Twitch, I think the better. All right, then whose business is it of yours?

Gid, are you the feds? I don't think I'm the feds, man. I mean, who are even the feds? Bitsy, I think I think kind of talks like the Fed, don't you think, now that I think about it. He doesn't he? He doesn't he? I don't seem nothing like the feds.

I don't even know him. Uh-huh. The Fed would say, Gid. Yeah, where he came's when we called it the Fed's dispenser. That's pretty fun. Thank you. Okay. Thank you.

No. It's like, yet you laugh in Susan. What's your name? You were the one who laughs. What is your name? I'm all Henry Hicks. Henry Hicks. That's my name.

Not Carl. Oh. But Henry. But Henry. Why'd they call you that? What? Henry Hicks. Is that what my mama named me?

Oh, that makes sense. Uh-oh. He holds up. All right, Hank. I do. Buy this rope. Oh, yeah. Do you want to be swung around a little, or you prefer it all still?

I can spin me around if you want. Oh, bitch, you come up there and cut him on coming to come down? Please don't. I'm up here for a reason. Oh, cut him down. Just trim a little bit of his fat off. Oh, we are here for your fat. any of that? I got a lot of fat. Can I have some? What are you going to give me in return?

Can I just have some, though? No. A trick or tree? What? Hold on, is some kind of trick? I wrote down hangman's fat. Did she mean hangedman's fat? She might have... I assumed it was the person who was doing the hang and then we'd have to get the fat for them. I might have just misheard and missed the D. Hanged man. I think we should cut him down. What do you think? If we cut him down, I would not be happy about that. Well, I don't think we should cut them down. We have to fight you in like a cool zombie boss fighter for you, we cut you down.

Ooh! Oh. I'm not gonna fight you, I'm just gonna find another way to get back up here. Oh. So you like, like a little, like a knife and just take a thigh of hangman? Yeah, we don't have anything to trade.

I left everything I have in a basket back there. The only thing I have is a... Dread for the DM. Well, I don't need to do. trade and possessions. Is there anything you can provide me that would give me ample amounts of entertainment as I am here hanging in this orchard? A hundred percent of my time, and 99% of my time, I'm alone. I mean, we can just cut you down so you're not hanging in this orchard. I will just climb back up in this tree. Oh, okay. I'm just trying. Oh, we'll tell you a ghost story. All right, I will actually accept that as payment for my

I'm very good at Goat Stories. Yeah. You tell me a good one. I'll let you take that little knife of yours. I'll let you cut into my Hank's haunch and I'll let you take a little bit of fat. Oh, tell the one about to possum. That was real scared.

Oh, I got it. Well, why don't we tell a collaborative ghost story like we're an improv true? No. Improvna. There was a boy who ate fire. Oh, a boy who ate fire. He died.

He died. And then there was a goblin. He was also eating fire. Who ate fire? And he went to the grocery store. Oh, and he went to the grocery store. Oh, but all he got was oranges. It's nothing else on the list.

And the oranges were on fire. Oh, and wouldn't it be chilly with no skin on? No skin on the oranges? The oranges didn't have any skin on them because it burned off because of all the fire. So they were rotten because the skin was removed. But they couldn't stop eating? Yeah.

And the goblin didn't have any skin either. And then we didn't get scurvy because we ate the oranges. He had plenty of vitamin H. No, C. Vitamin H. H for honk. And then we discovered all of our vitamin H pills, we turned it around with H for hell. Hellfire.

And we met the devil. And we met the devil, and he said, I love oranges. But he only with the skin on. With the skin on. Right. And all you have is oranges with skin on. That's all he hasn't. Because he's even burn off, you see.

Yeah, it's even burn off. That's not those ones. It's brilliant, red. This is brilliant. This whole time we're wearing black, that journal max. There's four stools, but we never touch Oh, and then the devil was like, oh, how dare you not have the kid on your orange.

And ever since that day, you can still hear him say that. In the wind. If you listen, real close. Oh. Oh. He's our oranges. Oh, he's the devil actually. Orange.

See, look at the devil, man. Skin on. See, he's saying it to this day. You have to have the skin of the orange. The orange skin. He holds grudges. Oh, I have many grudges against. He finds it difficult to let things go.

I could never, the way you let go of the skin of the orange. He's just going to do shadow work in journal. Even though his therapist says he needs to figure out a way to let go with grudges. I didn't agree with that, so I burned my therapist. He won't work on himself. And see. Oh, not the problem. Love done nights.

We all come very expensive. Very proud of ourselves. I need you to roll a group performance check for me, please. At triple disadvantage. Let's use this one. I'm gonna say I'm setting the DC fairly high. Oh yeah? That's fine. That's fun.

We're gonna rock it. Performance? Chinks. 24. Good. 15. 15. Seven.

Seven. Very lucky that you were the only low roll. He looks down at you very confused. He looks down at you very confused. I don't think I understand a damn thing you're talking about. But you know what? For a sweet five minutes of my time, I was enraptured by your voices, trying to figure out how any

of that could have happened in real life. And I think you're all a bunch of liars. I think you're a bunch of fucking liars. But you know what? In life, I was a liar to. So we're kindred. Oh. You can take my fat, little mouse.

All right. Scurry up the trunk of the tree and balance waddle and walk my way over the tree, but out. Scurry down the rope. Excuse me, I'm sorry. Just a minute. crawl down his face, hold on to his shirt, make my way down to his side.

You're welcome. So it's just been a real, right? I just dropped down. It's been nice to meet you. Fuck this guy, let's get out of you. Bye. I'll drop down. Bye.

Okay. We got the fat. We got the fat. Yeah. One out of four. Could we maybe grab an apple or two while we're here? You look around and you realize that none of these trees are

sprouting fruit, but different candies. Oh. Any candy corn? None that you've seen so far. Oh, what kind of candy? I mean, candy's way better than fruit. It's probably cursed candy. Oh, is it mounds?

Oh, I've got a little bit of a sweet tooth. It's always mounds. Bigsy, while you're up there, oh. Okay, I'm gonna talk back down. Gideon, throw her up into that. I'm gonna toss her to Gideon. Don't her open to the tree. What?

I try to grab one. Easy. What kind of candy's up there? What did you get? I don't know. It's a dad's root beer. Oh, come on. I don't want to pass out and die. I don't think I have one thing.

I don't think if I had an appendix would be rupturing right now. Hey everybody, chuckled here. It's time for an ad read. This podcast is brought to you by our very old. Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of adventurers and gain access to tons of exclusive perks including a monthly movie night and their weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high feed, shroud over Fultmarsh. You can also go to the crooked moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement. The Crooked Moon, a folk horror

tome for Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. And don't forget to snag all of the extra like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you so much, I'll see you around. You get candy. You got a handful of candy. We got a handful of candy. Oh, it's root beer. Oh, Dad's root beer.

But what is it actually is almost like a bouquet of candy? And as you pull it down, you've got Mars bars. You've got some twicks. Oh, oh. Or the Legends of Van Tres adjacent. Twicks. Caramel covered cookie chocolate smothered bars. Yeah. Non-brand name. These are legally distinct, but they look delicious. Yes, legally

distinct, but similar to. Well, which one are you going to eat? You got some lollipops? The left one or the right one? There's a correct choice. Of the twitches? Yeah. You can have the whole thing if you want. Oh, I'll have one of those airheads. It's all flat and it also evokes the 90s fascination with extreme pain and growth to know.

I'll have the Mars bar, whatever the fuck that is. Here's a Mars bar. That leaves me with Dots. I love Dots. Just wax paper and chalky bullshit. I fucking hate this. There's nothing chalky about Dots. Okay. Oh. I love that.

Oh, I don't really taste anything. Oh, my God. Kind of taste it. Oh, mine's fucking delicious. Listen, we gotta go back in and get this fat off of my body. because it's starting to melt, because I'm not... It's melting in your bra. You just, like, reach in and grab for it.

I can feel it reaching my waistline. We've got to go real fast. It's basically his chunk. How do we eat? Does anyone have a container? Do we actually have an in-world pumpkin things? Yeah. Put it in the pumpkin.

Put it in the pumpkin. What, the fat? The fat. No, I can. I've got... A dread against the DM. Oh, use mine. I have nothing in there.

The intention was for you to put your treats in there so that you could pull them out and use them when you needed to. Okay, hold on. I have nothing. Ew. Oh, it's me thinking with the pumpkin feed. Ugh.

You asked me to put it in there. I don't know what to do. Yeah, I didn't think about it. As long as it's not leaking. You think that's gonna mess with the structural integrity? The key. Oh, there's a little bit of a leak here. Let's get it back to the coffee.

I'll bend a large bandaid, like a hair on it. Okay, I think it's fine. We make our way over to where the doorway was. Is it still there? You've seen no doorway. Okay. Oh shit. Goodbye, Mr. Haines, man.

Fuck you, Henry. Yeah, Hank. You're gonna regret your choice. His name's Henry Hicks. Yeah, I mean, that's why I'm calling him Hank. A Hank? Yeah, Hank's short for Henry. It is?

It is. If I call you Hank? All you hear is the wind through the trees. Oh, that dude's dead. Let's get the fuck out of here. You're ghost. Hey, can you let us back here, Ruby? Hey, Ruby!

What if you have to go forward through the orchard? Oh, we do. Okay, we have our fat. Hold on. Ruby. You knock you on a tree? Is it just a tree? Did I come out of a door?

We came out of a tree? You came out of the fireplace. And then, and you found yourself in the middle of an orchard. Just like that movie Mortal Kombat when he fought Scorpion. You remember that? What the fuck are you talking about?

about Vincenti. And then sub-zero jumped through, I mean. Oh, you're the one with the Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? No, that's the other one. Oh, is that the one with Negan from the Walking Dead? Oh, maybe. He might hear it. For the sake of gravity, you imagine you just need to find something to knock on and say trick or treat to go back.

Oh, you did. I'm just giving it to you. Hey, hey, Trunk, are you a door? Trick-a-treat! Roll a D-20. Oh! A 14. Okay, pick something out of the cauldron.

I always get a treat. Oh, me next, took a treat. Triggertreat. What did you get? Oh, it's my favorite. It's a dread against the D.N. Did you really? No, they're all.

You got both of them. Wow. Oh, my God. Okay, double dread. Another one. Where's my fucking Mars ball? Give me my Mars bar. I need to mark this off.

Oh, 19. Can you roll a D10 for me, please? I just want a treat. A nice treat, too. That's what I had before. I'm sick of candy. I'll let you roll again. Oh, thank you.

Seven. You are horribly afraid. Everything makes you anxious and on edge. So nothing's changed. It's amplified. As both of you find yourself once again in the parlor, but this time there is a fire roaring.

roaring in the fireplace. And you see a large cast iron cauldron that Ruby is dangling precariously over the fire, attempting to heat it up. Nice caldron. Oh, wait, yeah, I know it's what you're gonna need. Did you get the goods to it? Yeah, sure.

Oh, yeah, hold on here. Oh, you should let the ocean. No worry. Well, if I turn into anybody else when I go through the door, he better not be as cool as I am, and you better not think that he's fucking cooler than me. Trick-a-tree!

It won't be as cool as you, that's for sure. Yeah, good. I'm not. 18. Okay, pull something out of the cauldron. Oh. Trick-tree. Trick-trade.

16. Oh. I get a feet of my choice. Nice. One foot. What did you get? 16. Okay, go ahead and take something out of the cauldron.

Poor Briggsie. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh, make a wish immediately? You're in the coolest ones! And now I'm just afraid of everything. I'm panicking.

Oh, wow. Take some time. Oh, this is I say immediately now. Oh, I'm back. I'm back. Oh, it's leaking out of my pumpkin. Okay, we got, oh, it's melting. I'm running where the cauldron.

Get the fat in this. Do I pour it in here, Ruby? Yeah, that's where it goes, go. Go and pour it in. It's going to be all right. And it immediately starts sizzling and popping as the fat continues to render down. How are you alive?

You're made of stone. Doesn't make any sense. Yeah, the gargoyle, I told you that already. No, but you're like a living animated gargoyle. Yeah. With dark magics. You wanted to talk. Look at your body.

Well, I was flesh once. She wasn't. I was always stone. How do you know you weren't always like that, Briggs? Oh no. Do you ever think that you were normally alive, Maybe you were just a zombie, zombie, zombie guy. And maybe all my memories were planted on me?

Yes. Bionnacher. Necromencer. Necromancer. What about a gross, weird brain in like a spaceship somewhere? Yeah, probably that too. That sounds like that's weird. No, I'm gonna get out of here.

I think I know the next spot, right? Help! Help! Help! I started banging on the stone door that we just came out of. Take a tree, please. There's no stone door there. She was molding the fireplace.

The fireplace is now roaring with life. I'm just screaming trick-or-treat. You wanna go on to the next spot? Yeah, we have to wait for our friend Gideon. All right. Well, in the meantime, you can decide where you wanna go. You gotta get a bone. You gotta get some metal.

And you gotta get that ectoplasm. Guys, guys. Yeah, what? You think I just wish for the key? What? Why would you think that? Because I, I can make a wish.

What the fuck of going on? Why I stop with one key? Why not wish for them all? Yeah, wish for the key. God just wish for the fuckers to be free? I don't know. Which ones are getting to fuck out of here? Well, uh,

which for the key? Great magics of the trick-or-treat magic pot. Uh, I wish that we had the key that we're trying to build right now. that'll let us get out of you. To get out of here and to save the mother and also for an endless supply of biscuits and honey. And a leaf. And a leaf. And a leaf. No, to leave. Oh, and to leave. Oh, no. And to leave. Oh, we're going to get a monkey pod to shit. Why, just those things.

You say all of these things in rapid succession. And immediately the cauldron begins to brim with things. There are biscuits and honey and all kinds of food, just spilling out of it. And intermixed with all of these things are leaves, beautiful red and gold and yellow leaves that are just spilling out and beginning to fill up the room. And it's not stopping, it's just muffins and cakes and pies and honey and leaves and mush and just filling up

and filling up and filling up the room. I immediately dive forward and I try to get some of the liquid into the mold. I have the skeleton key mold. I'll dive forward and attempt to scoop up. Oh, it's not liquid. It's not broth. It's literally muffins and honey and butter and cakes

and all the things that Gideon wished for at the very end, as well as the leaves that he also mentioned. Thank you. I was a wish for the key. Look for the key. Look for the key. I start to scurry, and I am going to try not to burn myself, but get to the bottom of the cauldron to see if perhaps it's inside the cauldron.

a perception check at disadvantage. Or I guess investigation, either one. Whoa, look when I got all this is going to me. Look when I caught my jack-o-lantern. I pull out two hand crossbows. Whoa, I'm a crossbow mask. It's on your tree. That's my feet.

I have a big crossbow mask. You said investigation. Or perception, whichever one is your choice. Definitely perception at disadvantage. How are you loading those? with two cross motions in your hands. I don't know, it's ruled a redden. I've been over an awful lot.

You are, you begin rummaging through things. This cauldron is hot. It is melting down the butter, which is then mixing with the hangman's fat, which is mixing with the honey, which is turning into this viscous liquid at the bottom, which is mixing with the leaves and the crumbs from the muffins and the baking

and the biscuits and everything else that's piling out of this. And you are able to reach towards the very bottom. You are going to take. Get in there, Bidsey. In the course of the like five minutes you're doing this, you're going to take 14 points of fire damage as you constantly burn your flesh on the side of the cauldron.

But you do eventually hear the scraping of metal on metal as you find a key at the very bottom. It is burning hot, it's staring into your hands. And as you pull it out, as you pull it out, you realize that the cauldron was really, really hot. You weren't intended for a key to be in the cauldron. It was to melt the material that would form the key in the mold. And so a significant portion of the key has melted off.

But you do have the key. I got the key. Oh, Bithy! You're flashing your fur in most of you. Biffy, that's some work. Why are you sniffling? I'm so scared. Are we going to die in here?

I don't think this one does like half a key. Why don't you maybe just put it into the mold while it's melting apart? The thing is, it's missing most of the head part. That's what goes into the lock and engages all the tumblers and allows you to open a lot. look. What do you think this is going to have? We got some muffins. Leaves?

Sucks it out the hangman's fat, though. I thought you said leaves. I said so we could leave. So now we clarified which key we were going to give. Well, you talking a really tricky accent, all right? Well, so do you, sort of. Good to me, I'm eating the muffin. Oh, that looks like it's a peanut butter muffin.

What? Oh, that's me. It's fine. Yeah, you know, peanut butter. I was hoping you eat peanut butter. betray you because I love peanut butter. Where's her EpiPen? Oh, look for her EpiPen.

The room is filled with leaves and biscuits and muffins. Wherever the EpiPen would have been, it's almost impossible, we're fine. Oh, we need to get fresh air. Let us go to the next zone. Oh, yeah, we'll save you, Bithee. We'll take your hand. Slag trick, drink and drink, drink, drink.

Your hands. Stop. I'll see no, fucking, Ruby makes the door and you trigger drink or drink. I'm trying to marry that. Do I roll with you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting 11. Oh, roll a D10.

Oh, a D10? Yeah. For those that you don't know, Bitsy has a canonical peanut allergy. A black cat crosses your path. You have horribly bad luck. Does she show up? And you find yourself, you find yourself, you You find yourself in, you didn't say where you wanted to go, so she just picked one.

You find yourself in what appears to be a graveyard. It is probably around midnight. There is a gentle mist along the ground. The tombstones are illuminated by the light of the moon that shines down over this place. You see crows flit about and land on a few of the tombstones and watch you. curiously. But you, other than that, is quiet here as you joked.

And the black cat walks up and it sees you joking and it gets startled. I'm screaming. I just, there's no one around me anymore because I've had this magical portal. So I just fall first into the ground and drop the key. Okay, I'm right behind a

tigoochee, chik-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-a. A five. D10. A one. I need you to rule D4. Have we gotten this one? No. Two.

Where your head had been is now replaced with a pumpkin. And a pumpkin whose face is carved into a sad expression as you were overwhelmed by sadness. Okay. I'll be right back. Oh my God. Trigger treat. Trigger treat. Oh.

Eatsy's dead. It makes me say. And I'm just standing right on Betsy. A D20. Oh, three. A D10. Three. Your bones become very fragile and are exposed.

You keep breaking them. Oh. Oh my God. Oh! You see it too. Please, please, please, please, please. D10, please. I'm so afraid not.

You believe you were a were a werewolf. I'm so afraid. Everybody wrong. Am I still afraid from the first gross? No. No, they're always replaced. No stacking. You find yourselves all standing in this graveyard.

As you come to in this place, you see that Bitsy is face down in the moist dirt and clearly no longer breathing. As pumpkin-headed chuckles, stares down at her soft tear running down his gorty face. Oh. Chuggles, quick, man. You got the epipin right in your pocket.

Hand it over. What's the point? Just hand it to me. E. I take it from Chuggles and punch it in. God, dang! You hear the loud crack as four or five of the bones in your hands break. But Bitsy, you feel the epinephrine enter your bloodstream, and you are, you, you, you

you find consciousness. Wait a second. This doesn't say epinephrine. This says, especially peanuts. Chupold! Have a peanut. What about peanut?

What is it? It's an epipette. It's an epip. Especially peanuts. Epi. Epi. In case that ran into a very charming word. The moonlight.

Of all the luck. The curse. It's finally complete, Gideon. My curse, my transformation. What are you talking about, man? The moonlight. I was first cursed in that jungle many years ago. I thought you were cursed by like a voodoo guy.

Well, it was more stealing an ancient relic from a jungle, and I was tricked by a low, anyway. It's a long story. I'm trying for this. The point is I'm transforming. No, what are you transforming into what? I was mostly a zombie. My transformation into definitely a zombie has completed.

And I must say, I'm gonna walk over to your like broken hand. I'm just like snap it off the rest of the way. I must consider. Because it is my nature, Gideon, where crook, zombie? At the very least, I can do this. Chuckles, me lad. You see I need brains, and with a head as big as yours,

there must be many brains inside. I'm just going to slowly start to, like, water off to you. Oh, no, it's just a bunch of orange goof and seeds. I want to take your head, like, smash it on the ground. I'm going to bust it like a fucking... Holy shit! to stop him? At the very least,

brains. Brains. Brains. Is your head cracked over? Oh, yeah. You pop it off, like he's a dula hand. And you take that thing, you smash it on the ground. I smash it on the ground.

You actually smash it up against a tombstone. And you see as it splits into multiple pieces. and the gory pumpkin-y insides and all of the seeds are just splattered everywhere. The same way a brain would be had there been one in there, but this is just pumpkins.

My favorite is brains, and I'm just going to take grab like bites of pumpkin. Where Chuggles is standing, you now see Chuggles' body. There's just no head on it. You can have your head back if you want. I've got a lot of insides out. Thanks.

Good brains, this. You think she's using her brains? What do you think? Oh, that's just fucking dead, man. Oh, so now. What, you ate my hands right off my arms? You ain't chuckle's whole head! I take bits.

They're not... I've transcended. What can I say? I need flesh. Unless you have like some beef jerky around. I mean, I guess I could make do with that too. All you needed was beef jerky. I got beef... ...reaching to my pocket.

Oh. I can't get it because you ate my head. You made my hands out. Oh, okay, let me grow up. There's like 17 pounds of beef jerky in here. Oh, yeah, I didn't need your hands over these brains. This is plenty. You know, jerky's surprisingly feeling.

Anyway, I step over Bixie's body. Do I remember what the grapebird was attached to? I will say that you do. The femur? It was the femur of Love Lost. No, Chuckles is easily capable of moving around. He just doesn't have my head. Bitsy, I have.

I guess it's a piece is that I put it back to you. I guess Bidsey did go into anaphylactic shocks. She is probably dead. Oh, you look great, man. You look great, okay? You look like Count Duky right before he gets killed by Anakin Scott. Oh no, I don't want to look like Count Dukoo. He's the worst one. That makes me sad.

Gideon, me and a half. Me, a hand. I pull off my hand and it floats over and lands in your... Flesh socket. Well, this is pretty okay. Wait, is this horribly demonically cursed? Yeah. Have you ever seen the movie idle hands?

Good. I put a crossbow in it and my hand is... Feed my bone of lost love. He's a... Bidsey. Is Bidsey dead? I'll go pick her up. Come here, Bidsey.

Oh, look. My heart's going in the wrong direction. Oh, let me help with that. You're 70, you would stop eating my limbs. Oh, I should probably finish it and then I'll be fun. Cannibalism is sad. I'll help you, Bitsy. I'll pick up Bitsy.

We should probably try to save her. You're not the one that did me say. I'm not the one that did this to Bipsy. You guys decided Bidsey was having anapelactic shock. This was your choice. So don't look at me, for the solution to this one.

FEMA birds! The bird of lost love! Where are you? I'm starting to come to my senses. I'll reach out in her pumpkin. Look, Bitsy still has a dread against the DM. And I'm gonna reach in and pull out a dread against the DM and shove it down our mouth.

What is that doing? Nothing? I'm not rolling for anything. Dang. I'm not ideas. Does anybody have like one of those things? The paddles? Well, I can't hold them anymore since it's how my hands are gone.

But you know the paddles that shock fuel back to life? You got those in there? Let me see. I'll pull out. A sexy nurse outfit. That's not it. I'll pull out the paddles. Oh, you mean the evening?

Yeah, perfect. Just put them on her body. No. Oh, no. Oh, is she dead? This is a gag. Schmord-Schmormin grill. You make grilled cheese with that.

Clear. Look. Like a panini bread. Yeah, basically a panini prep. Does that why there are all those ridges on it? Yeah. Doesn't make me sandwich. I still have a pumpkin head upside down.

Oh, here's my EpiPen. Oh, and it's lath with cocaine! I impale your heart. I don't know if that's gonna help. I feel like that just kills me again. I guess. For the sake of getting this show on the road, you jumpstart your heart.

Oh. You're still incredibly unlucky, though. Blood's coming down your nose. You'll get a scene in Pulp Fiction. Oh, Bithy, you got a little. Then I saw a black cat. And then I, where's my? Dreads against the DM.

Oh, Biffy, I'm afraid that in your peanut allergy shock, you killed them. No. All right, of these. Did we get the femur? Oh, no, we just started it. We just thought to in the graveyard. Oh, hold on. Oops!

We get this fucking femur. Oh, you still have one more dread against the DM. Oh. What happened to the other? In your shock, you killed it. Boy, Bixie. And also look out for some easy. He's eating hands and arms.

Oh my God, you're lying! That makes me sad. What lovely brains you have, Bixie. No, don't. He's trying to eat your brains. He's trying to eat your brains. Oh, I'm just kidding on some beef jic. You're not you and you're hungry.

I start looking for tombstones that evoke lovers. Oh, nice. Roll in investigation. check at advantage. Oh, Missa. Yeah. There we go. Lost love is such a tragic story.

19. You wander through the graveyard and you find many tombstones that talk about the people who are interred here. And you eventually find a tombstone that is etched with floral patterns and hearts. And the words Lydia Bones, she will be missed by Reginald Bones, love of her life. A true love story, and love story is in quotation marks. Little bit on a nose, don't you think? I wonder why it's in quotation marks. Is that like, it's not a love story?

Maybe they were just horny, you know, when it was one of those lust situations, where they thought they were in love. But they really just like having sex. Yeah. So they do these ridiculous things because of, anyway, I'm not gonna get into the morality of any of that. No.

I'll just stick my hand to the grave. What are you talking about? And I'll rip out the first bone that I feel. You reach in and you find no bones. You just reach deeper and deeper and deeper into the soil and find nothing. Your hand doesn't even come into contact with a casket. Maybe we need a farm Reginald.

Okay. Wait, let's fern out and look for Reginald's grave. Did we fully exhumed the grave? What a tragic lost love of Reginald and Lydia. I have it a perfect... Trick that'll solve this instantly. Uh-oh. A shovel.

Okay. How am I gonna use a shovel? How am I gonna use a shovel? With my toes. Oh. Just use you out of fun, though. Give me the mage hands back. Give me the demonic hands.

Oh, you can use one of mine. I can use it. I can use it. Okay. You can have another one. I have two shovels. Here you go. Oh, thank you.

And I dropped the shovel, and then I step on the front half of the shovel. I start to dig. I started to do. I'm just blasting the dirt or the coffins with crossbow balls with my crossbow expert feet. You do this for 10, 15, 20 minutes. And it feels like every bit that you dig is almost replaced by new dirt.

It seems like a magical grave. There's nothing in here. We're gonna look for Reginald like our said. Oh, Reginald, you were such a gentle lover, I'm sure. You gotta say this, you gotta do this when you say love. You gotta say, we're so I'm told. That's the only way you would make it a fatter love story. Oh, look for Reginald's tomb. Oh, yeah, rolling.

They all fan out to look at for original. Can you guys let me out? Because I'm still down here in the grave, it's like 10, It's real scary. Guys? I don't know. None of them hear you. As some of the dirt, as they're walking around,

they're stomping and some of the dirt begins to fall and how do you become, you begin to be buried alive. Oh, good, my greatest fear. And what did you get for massages? Oh, 50s. You look around and you see no grape for original bones. But you do think back to the fact that love story was in quotes. We got it all wrong.

Again? This wasn't the right grave at all. The quotes is a metaphorical way to say, psych. This isn't about love at all. We got to keep looking. Wait, I'm confused, and that makes me sad pumpkin. Bidthie? Where do we put Bidthie?

Even more dirt falls on top of your head. I try to like touch or grab the word love. It's a tombstone, you can touch it. You can't grab it or pull it out. Are there any other tombstones related to love in the cemetery? It seems to you like you would need to tell a love story to do something with this.

Oh, we need to tell our love story as well. It's very late, so I'm just gonna give you in the answer. It's what I'm deduced very wisely and intelligently. Oh, and chariomatically. Have any of you been in love? Before. Bitsy, you think back to a time that you were in love, but you're being buried alive, so you're not going to be able to help this. Biffy! Grab on to my crossbow. I'll see the crossbow to me here, Pissy. That cool?

You start doing tricks. Finally go, oh shit, you're right. I'll just throw it out. Grab on, Bithy. I'll pull the my hanky. Game twice when you have it. To your right. To your left. Your other left. A little bit more.

Got it. Oh, okay. Love story time. I'm very sad. Should it be a sad love story, guys? No, it needs to be a real love story. I once loved a man. Oh?

He was a real man. Stocky. with a big barrel chest like Dad's root beer. He was hairy like Blanca from Street Fighter 2. And he, speak in truths and wisdom. I never got his name. But every time I smell hot peppers, I'll think of him.

You immediately see the ground at the base of this tombstone begin to rumble. As out from it, you eventually see the torso of a woman pop out. She is heavily decayed, mostly skeletal. Her eyes are sunken in. She has worms wiggling throughout the exposed flesh. As she looks up towards you and smiles.

That was a beautiful love story. I'll jump back in shock and step on one of the shovels. That was such a sad love story. And like brain and seeds and pour out of it upside down, pumpkin and I had. Demoson. Oh, hold, let me. Thank you.

Thank you. It was a true love story. I think he loved you. I think he loved me too. Sounds like it, is there anything I can do to help you? I'm Lydia Bones, by the way. She turns behind her and points at the tombstone. Oh, I thought that's just what you did.

She says like a skull. Thank you, Emily from the corpse, but she's partially decayed. But she's still. She's blue. Yeah. Yeah, we need a femur in order to make a key of some shit. You know if we gotta get some fevers from the last Love?

Oh, it's a femur of a lost love? Please don't take my lost love femur. No, you can have mine. I died young. My husband. Sure he misses me dearly. She says she cracks her femur off in hands. Yeah.

Oh, you had a husband? I did. Whether is he dead or is he still alive? I mean, the last time I was alive, well, when I died, he was alive. Who knows what's become of them now? Oh, how do you don't? Do you need the other one?

Could you just snack for the road? You're currently eating four pounds of jerky. That's why I sit for the road. I mean, I'm not going on to go later. You don't know. I think I'll keep it. How do you die, mid the bones? I was poisoned by his jealous sex girlfriend.

Oh, ain't that just the way. Classic. We would avenge you if we had time. But there's just no time. I'm sure. I'm that unlucky cat gets her the verse. She'll fall into a grave and get parried alive. All right, well, I'm going back to sleep now.

Bye. Goodbye. Trick-a-treat. If we see your husband, we'll tell Mr. Boone, hello. I'm sick of eating jerky. You all trick-or-treat and make it back into the room. I'm not going to make you trick-or-treat. trick-or-treat into this one because of time.

And you find yourselves back in the study, or back in the parlor, and all of the mess has been cleaned up. And somehow, Ruby has been working very hard, and she's been able to render the fat away. There might still be a little bit of butter in it, but she doesn't believe that that's going to affect the key-making process. And so there is, she has a mortar and pestle available to be. begin to grind up the femur and add it to the cauldron.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, thank you. I can't believe you got two. That's the farthest anyone's ever gotten before. So I guess this next door's gonna be goodbye. We're on a row. We're gonna get them, I swear. Which one do you wanna go to next?

Devil's Iron sounds cooling party. Yeah. All right. Trick or treat. Goodbye. And she shapes the fireplace and it turns into a blood red door. Trick a treat.

I got a three. Roll 10. A D10. Can I twist this? No. I got a seven. I got a six. A six of my D10. You love candy corn and don't understand why people don't like it. You feel the need

to convince people. It's a severe candy. You got a six. I've got a six. Oh, I got a six. Oh. Yeah, so. On your D20 you got a six. D20 was, oh. Oh. I didn't know. I got a 10 on my D10 roll. What does it say, Michael? I gotta turn any player into a character

of your choice for 10 minutes. You have to do it right now. Can we figure out what they got like a thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a 10, you get to pull from the... No, no, no, no, on my D10. Oh. Oh, I mean, if that's what it is, no, no, no.

You hear the whispers of the old ones, and you are called to be their herald. Alasha. Pasha. Two. Was that your D20 roll? No, that was the D-10 roll. You've eaten too much candy, you're feeling nauseous.

Oh, my God, I think I know what you're going to do, but okay. I'll... Wait, what kind of setting are you? Oh, you, so you all do this, and you find yourselves in beautiful, lush gardens at the manor house. There is a hedge maze and a beautiful gaze gaze off to the side. And at first, you notice nothing strange.

But then you smell sulfur. And you see bits of red flash here and there and as you turn and look, you realize there is something here watching and waiting, wandering this area, lurking in the shadows. I think there's something in here. I'll stumble forward. The devil.

Not again. I'll slump, and my body will shrink. This is it. I'll get, like, about half a ringer gnome proportion, and suddenly my clown outfit will shift too much. You can't do it to yourself. Oh, I can? No.

It's for somebody else. You just get to be... Any player! I'll do it to somebody else. Oh, man, nighttime. Anytime, anytime. I hate too many legally distinct twigs. Did you eat any candy corn?

No, I hate candy corn. Why do you hate it? It's the best. No, it's not the best. It's got one note. It's got multiple colors, but it only tastes like one thing, and that's terrible. No, it's a magical substance. Nourishes you. It's delicious. You put it in your stomach, and then a time travels back in time to when they made the candy corn in the first place so it can repeat the cycle. If you're longing so much, why don't you cosplay as it?

And as soon as you say that, your skin starts to turn blue, Briggs-y, as you grow a big white, bushy beers, you turn into a winter legend. No! You know what, I'll allow it. The born... What? The fallen angel! What? Have you not heard the whispers of the ancient ones?

Oh, what the hell is? Hello, what are you talking about? Who are you? I am the herald. of the Lord of Light. Does that mean you got candy? Did that mean that you could help of? I have been summoned to his lair to serve his will.

I will serve you, my lord. You hear a popping sound, and the smell of sulfur gets significantly more potent in the air. As at the gazebo, you see a bright flash of red. And where there had been nothing, you now see a, a, A curvy feminine shape, wings extending from her back, a tail whipping behind her, very clearly a succubist. And she looks between all of you, lets out a chuckle and begins to saunter over.

Hi there, you know what this creepy guy. Look, oh look what I can do. Are you prepped? Maga-on. The scarlet whore, yes. Oh, you can't just, briefly. Whoa! You can't just call people that!

What is it? Of your beauty! Did he say horror? Yeah. You can't just call people that, dude. I have your service. I have heralded. I'm gonna kneel, I'm like grovel to her feet.

She, um, she smiles down at you as her tail whips this way and that, looking between all of you. She doesn't say anything yet. But- Um, but um. Sox-so. We're done. That's her end. It's over. I can't believe you got Uma Thurmond to play.

Well, let's see I need to be the one to do this shop. You're not doing you, right? Yeah, I'll be the stunned hands for this. She, her cloven hooves are not socks. As she, she moves between all of you. What he's bro.

you into my garden. We need to get your iron. You want a piece of my iron. Well, I think we want the whole thing. Our clothes are all wrinkly and dirty. We just need enough to go into a cauldron to get the fuck out of here. I'm sorry, uh, sorry your mistressness. We'll give it right back.

We're just really trying to get out of here. We're trapped in a spooky cabin in the woods. And if you got any candy corn, that'd be a bonus. And what would you give me for a piece of my devil's iron? My undying soul. Anything you ask. Your untying soul, I would give it. I've heard your calls, mistress.

Then you will let me place upon you a kiss to seal this deal. Oh, of course. She looks towards you and she outstretches one long nailed finger and she beckons you to stand. And you will follow me into the maze. You and I alone.

Of course. Yeah. We don't know who the fuck this guy is. Yeah, take him. Just me and you, right? None of these losers. Hey. Are you going to come back with the iron after you're finished killing this guy?

If we are going to trade one of the bars of iron that I have in my position for his undying soul, then yes, I will let you have it. How long is it gonna take? How long is it gonna take? Okay. Looks like about 30 seconds. It should not take too long. Yeah, it'll probably pretty quick. You will know when I'm done, when the screaming stops.

Oh yeah. Stop. It's about how it goes, yeah. Are you okay? The smell. Normally I'd be super into this kind of thing, but... What's wrong? I'm just, I ain't too much candy, man.

I think you eat any candy. She places her finger on your lips to stop you from talking. Now hush, you large red man. Or I will take you too. Oh yeah, you could come too. I don't mind. I get this when they call it a devil's three way. Oh, chuckles.

Tadda, who else but chuckles? Oh, rat. Let's go break one more bone. She turns and she beckons both of you as she saunters into the maze. Bye! And you follow. Have fun.

Are they dead? Are they gonna die? They're probably gonna be dead, yeah. Oh gosh. Man, I'm so glad I got these sweet crossbow kills though. Hey, show me again. Oh yes. Ooh, the whispers are getting stronger.

It will be the herald. Things they are exhausted. The two of you are taken into the hedge maze and you're led through it quite a ways until you find yourselves in front of a beautiful bubbling fountain with a couple of sitting areas. This is very clearly a place that people go to have a little bit of privacy, maybe during a ball at the manor house, etc. And she asks for both of your agreement to

for her to administer the succubus kiss. Hey, before we get started, what are your rules? My rules are what my mistress bids? Oh, boy. What do you mean? You don't have any rules at all? Just what she said, Gemini is rising.

What? The red lips kiss to bite. Is that like, and I'm just gonna, you know. All right, just don't make eye contact with me. Everything fades to black as she administered. the succubous kiss to both of you, and your souls are signed away in a contract.

After it's all said and done, Bitsy and Chuckles, you hear, the two of you feel pleasure unending for what feels like ours. The two of you, however, for the next 30 minutes, you hear horrific, pained and agonite whizing screaming. It is the type of screaming that sounds like

by the time it's done, there would be, if whatever was making that noise was humanoid, it would be, there would be nearly nothing humanoid left to it. But around that time, the two of you make your way out of the hedge maze as you each carry with you a bar of demons iron. Or devil's iron. You got any three? Steve?

Yeah, you got one three right here. Okay. Uh-huh. You got a, you got me aces? Yeah, right here. Okay, there you go. You got me eighth. I only got these two aces.

Do I am spinning. Are I still in this form? That was a quick ten minutes. No, it's heading enough for you have to break you again. You look a lot skinny. How was it, Guy? Well, it got pretty weird back there, but...

They are covered in wounds and bruises. They do not look good. I just came to you. What the fuck happened? I don't know. I'm feeling like an empty Capri-sun right now. I told you you bruisee. Why do I also feel like an empty capri-son? Because you agreed to do kind of weird sexual stuff to that bar iron you hold me. What did I do, get?

We got it! Yeah. Would you sign over your immortal soul? Sexually. Seven angels and seven demons battle for my soul. Go fish, by the way. Gabriel lies sleeping.

This child was born to die. I got what I wanted. Oh, fuck. I'm losing to a mouse. And with that, you have your devil's eye. We leave. Chik-choo-chee-choo-choo-choo-choo! You leave, you add it to the cauldron,

and you were able to move on to the next one. 15. We're thrown into the pot. Give us the ghost one, we got this. We're gonna get a big old bowl of spooky hectorplasm. Oh, 15. An eight on my D10. I don't know what ectoplasm is,

but I know what ghost is. Each of you can get one re-roll on one of the trick-or-treats, but it's all you get for the rest of the night. Are we trick-or-treating going back to the- This is the last trick-or-treat? I guess you'll find out if it's the last trick-or-treat or not. No, no, are we going back to?

You will be going back to. The parlor. Do we never get a 10 yet on the D10? Yes. I just got it. There's only one thing you guys haven't gotten and that's a seven. So we're trick-or-treating on the way back to the culdron? No. So you've already gone to the culdron. You've already dropped off the iron. The door has been made and you're making your way to the last one. Trick-or-eclasm. Okay. I'm going to use my last re-roll. Or my only re-roll. D-10. I got a new. You can take something out of the... No, no, sorry. I got an 11 and then I roll. the name I'll trade you. I'll trade you. You take my four. I'll do it. It's actually eight that hadn't been gotten. You believe you are a vampire. You got a two? Yeah. Crazy for you. You've eaten too much candy and you feel honest. I have way too much candy. We could talk like our characters of last night did that

without. Yeah, well. Well, where, where, where. Okay, so what's happening with the two of you? He's got a four. I wrote a session again. We're trading. He wants to trade if we could do this. You know what, I'll let it. I'll let it happen. How many dice have I rolled in, yeah. I'll let it happen. It's Mario party bullshit. Thank you, kid. Oh, yeah.

You love candy corn and don't understand why people don't like it. You feel the need to convince people it's a superior candy. What is yours, Rich? Do the spooky, scary skeleton dance and gain a net to me. I pass I need a fucking Nat 20 That's even What do you got to take it out

No you can put it back in there If he's not gonna if he's not gonna do it He can put it back in there Put it back in there Put it back in If you're not gonna do the dancing at the Now20 then yeah What if I give it back to Gideon

You can't because he already has a dread Or he already has a trick Just put it in the bottom Just shuffle it in Shuffle in where Just shuffle it in Chat really wants you to do the dance. I don't even know how it goes.

It doesn't mean, you just do whatever dance you want. It's like, Channel Andy. Is it like, yeah, there you know. All right, now sing the song. Bopopopopopopop. This is a xylophone. It's so sorry skeletons are so misunderstood.

Perfect. You only like to socialize, but I don't think we should. I don't, do they ever do this? Yeah, I think they all. That's the Disney one. That's the classic. His animation. It's like this.

He's like this, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like this. It's kind of like, yeah. Yeah, there you go. You get it and then you got a 20. All right. Thank you, Gideon, for your noble sacrifice.

It's all good. You find yourselves in what is clearly a room inside of this house. It is a child's nursery. There are toys spread out all over the place, and you are listening to the sounds of a vitrola as it plays a nice folk song. I'll be standing there.

Believe me. Oh no. Oh, man. What have you done? You seem different. It is a wonderful mind to have a car. Speaking of, what's your favorite candy? And why is it a candy corn?

Why don't people keep fucking talking about candy corn? Candy corn is delicious, man. the best is the best candy look I can love use the palms such saccharging below yeah you can oh oh did you just fall no I threw up oh as you lean down I'll say the neck exposed do you have bags or you just chuckled I mean anyone biting into a neck is gonna cause something you know You don't have to have long. Is there a spooky spooky ghost?

Anywhere nearby? Hello, any spooky goes? We have candy corn. We have cream frays. We have crem frays? Oh, we are. Oh! This boy coming down my mouth.

We have crimfrey. Stop biting my neck. Stop biting my neck. I swear to God, you both. my neck like four, five, six, three times. I'm gonna be really bad. When you put it like that, the Glenn Flage. You call out in this way, and after a while,

you eventually hear a sniffling come from the bed. One of the pillows falls over, and you see nestled between a mound of plushies holding on to a very round black berb plushy. You see what is clearly the ghost of a child. Oh. Who's in here? A wee little land.

Yeah. Do you have any ectoplasm to spare, young ghost? Um, yeah, I guess I could. Oh, nice. We could really use something to get out of here. I've lost a lot of blood and I've eaten too much candy. That's all you want is just ectoplasm. You don't want to be my friend?

We would like to be a friend especially I mean I don't want to be your friend but if you're offering candy corn I'm in today If you had blood to spend You can come with us We'll teach you how to play goat fish No, this guy seems like kind of the down there We play go fish with the child

Gideon You are a fellow creature of the night being a spooky spooky ghost Oh I walk around my room I'm gonna take my bowling shirt It's just like my flat. You can't see it on camera, but as he's doing this, his legs are doing this. It's very funny. He doesn't put up much resistance as he looks very sad and lonely.

He points you to a bowl of candy corn that's sitting off to the side. It's very old candy corn. It turns to dust in your mouth. Oh, delicious. It comes out in one big softball. Yeah, exactly right. The best part about eating candy corn is getting to share it with all your friends.

You know, I always did like candy corn, and I mean that totally truthfully, not ironically. Thank you, Gideon. Oh, thank you. I would love to take some candy from your vein yaw. I was going to bite into his rest. Covered in a giant iron manacle. I'll do that, and all of them will break around that.

fall out. That's what does a mistake. Oh, man. Hey, kid. Yeah. You seem lonely and sad. Yeah. Are you gonna...

Do you need some cheer you up? That'd be nice. Do you need a Band-Aid? I need two Band-Aids. You got Band-Aids? No. We could use a schmason jar of ectoplasm if you got one line around. You want to come with us?

I can't leave this room. You can't. Why not, young child? It's the room where I died. Oh, shit, where's your body? It's under the bed. Oh, we will not look. Or do we have to complete the quay?

We might either the ectoplasms in the body or it's in this kid. We're going to get one way the other. It's... It's in my ghost. It's in your ghost? Yeah, can't you see him crying it all out right now and how shiny it glows? Oh, perfect.

That's so sad. He doesn't resist and he allowed you to take the actoplasm. Because it's midnight. Well, rough, life and undepeth, can be pretty. Well, I'm glad I could help you. He can be pretty safe indeed. Look, I'm probably gonna die real soon anyway.

soon anyway, because you look like it. You're very pale. I got hit in the face with the shovel twice, and I got buried alive, and I went to a stentaflecting shock, and I had blood coming out my neck, and I threw him up, and I've been walking for three days. It's like mixing in with the echo plaza.

It is all right, young child. The mouse will be fine. You would have enjoyed my own cereal in life. A serial that is similar, but legally this thing to count the chalk you are. Also, Briggs keeps kicking me for no reason. Shut up, I did it. I grabbed the cards from jargels.

If it helps, you can play with these. Hope you don't solitaire, bye. He tries to pick up the cards, but he's incorporeal, and so the card just fall through his hands and land on the... Drink, drink, drink for the three. Changed it. So long, thanks for all the candy corn. Triggle three.

I'm going to use my re-roll. And you make your way back into the parlor. You don't have to roll again. Yeah, you don't have to roll again. I don't have to roll going back. Yeah. Oh. I stopped that after the first one because it was just too much.

Too many rules. And you make your way back in. You were able to add the actoplasm to the cauldron, and you have this bubbling, metallic. It's a deep silver, but one. When the light catches it, you see that it shifts to this devilish burning red. And it is coagulating almost the same way Mercury does at the bottom of this cauldron. And you imagine that you have created the type of metal that you would need to forge this key.

I'll grab this one, Bidsey, seeing as how I can't be burned by fire. Well, we just got to use the mold to make a new key. No, it's done. I think we just got to reach in. Yeah, no, the mold you've already had, it was on the table. And he's sort of a metal guy, you know. You just got to pour the liquid into the mold. He's 40% metal.

And then I'm gonna make the new door for you, for you to release mother. That's what I said. That's why I know the stips. Oh, good. Claw, you. Look, I know, I don't, I'm removing. I'm calling it now.

You just fucking take the mold. You pour the metal into the mold. It's the perfect amount of liquid metal to fill the mold. And you form what is very clearly a skeleton key. It cools almost instantaneously. And in this time, Ruby takes the opportunity to reform the entirety of the fireplace into a large, crooked door.

It leans very Tim Burton-esque to one side. It is asymmetrical in its shape. And there's something almost spindly and wiry about the metal rods that decorate it. But what you see is a gigantic ornate lock right beneath

the white doornaub. And it looks to be the exact size of the key. I can't, I can't believe it. Someone finally was able to get all of the things that they needed and didn't succumb to the magics inside of this house.

Well, no adventuring party as cool as of us has been through these tours. You really shouldn't point with a gun. Like, it's still conflict. Crossbow master in me! Oh, is the that the that's happening? The Monty! That's long walk.

It's so good. All right, Ginole's. A pleasure, we can't wait to me. You can come with us, you're free. Yeah, we're all free. We're gonna go. Until mother unlocks, until mother comes out the door and that's what she needs to do to free me, but I believe her.

Yeah, I really, really want to meet mommy. I mean mother, I'm mother. You've all heard me say mother. Mm-hmm. All right, well, okay. We just unlock. lock the door. Gideon, there we go.

The lock clicks as you turn the key and the door creaks open and you see before you a long asymmetrical black and white checkered hallway. The lights that are, it's a strange candlelight that almost glows orange but almost illuminates green towards the very edges. It almost makes you feel dizzy as you look as this winds crookedly up to an archway that clearly leads into a kitchen. You can hear the sounds of cooking, and occasionally you see the form of a woman

as she walks past the doorway, carrying trays laden with food. She doesn't seem to notice or hear you as you begin to make your way up this pathway. It feels like it takes longer than you would expect a hallway to take, but you do eventually get to the pinnacle, and you find yourselves in a beautiful kitchen,

a soft yellow walls, comforting and happy. The smells of food are almost overbearing, but delicious. And everything looks pristine and perfect. You see that standing in front of the stove is a woman dressed in a delicate black dress, an apron firmly affixed to not ruin. the dress itself. Her hair is tied neatly up into an intentionally messy bun as she works away cooking. But she doesn't seem to say or notice you.

Mother. Are you stepping into the kitchen? Yeah. We're here. We'd like to go home now. You step into the kitchen and immediately the entryway that you had entered in on sealed behind. where there had been an open doorway, there was now nothing but wall. And as mother turns to look towards you, you see her beautiful face, bright red lips,

long eyelashes, near dark, strangely dark black eyes. She looks towards you as she's mixing a batter in a bowl, and she looks between all of you. My children are home. My children have come to save mother. What the fuck? And you notice that her eyes twitch a little bit and her head jerks this way or that.

I can smell your souls. Come sit at the table, darlings. I'm raising. Yeah, yeah? Starting to think this is witch shit, man. What? There's no way that it's with shit. I said to sit at the table, darling. It's just with shit.

I immediately, like, I zap in, I'm like, immediately at the table. Yeah, me too. There's like a little dust cloud behind me. You hear it race far. We sit at the table. Do you all sit at the table? Yeah, we're all sitting at the table. I'm looking for confirmation from Briggs.

Oh, no, no, I do. I'll do. She moves towards you. Her movements are jerky and unnatural. There are moments where she saunders towards you with a confidence that you would expect of this motherly figure, but you see that it is broken up with what is clearly movements

that, which clearly show that those movements are unnatural to the way that it wants to move. How big is she? How tall is she? She's shaped like the mom's from the judge's lap. She would be the equivalent. She would be the equivalent to Lady Dimitrescu.

Oh! She is very tall. Her proportions are very Pixar in the sense that they don't make mechanical sense. A Pixar mom? Domi Mami Tresk. She moves towards you and is very clear with the way that she's moving and what she's wearing that she doesn't

This body is not natural to her in any way as she takes the raw batter and begins to pile dollops on each of your table. It's all right, children, you will eat. Hey kid, I know which feet I would choose. No, I've chosen, man. I would have been to mommy's feet. It's smelling a lot like pink cake batter.

Damn right. I'm ready for seconds, thirds, fourths. You can't have to pull me away from this table. Shucks, howdy. Do we have an eating utensil? My hands? No, just your hands. Yeah.

And you're just going to eat the batter that this awful creepy. But we're already, I mean, we're on a quest. She's super hot, right? I mean, sure. It kind of acted like a robot from like I'm not subjected. I'm like nearly passing out.

I'm just like sitting at the table like in horror and like fear and something kicks me under the table. She walks up behind you and you feel her long spindly arm on your shoulder as she leans down. Is my sweet baby not going to eat? Well, I had so much to eat. I can't. I don't want to. I need blood and rest. I'm so tired.

She reaches forward and she forces your mouth open with one of her hands and she begins to shove the batter down your throat. Okay. Oh, it's so good. Finally, some good fucking food. It's been so much better than being those spooks of the woods. I need you all to work. Roll a Christmas saving throw.

Oh, great. Oh, I hate this die. I need to kill it. Oh. I still got a 15. I got a 17. Wow, with that terrible roll, I'm 15. 19.

Briggsie and Chuckles, both of you immediately are overwhelmed by Mother's Love. You look up at her. You lucky best, huh? You look, I choose to fail. You look up at her and you no longer see any of those things that caught you off guard, the jerky movements or the strange changes in her voice.

All you see is this entity she wants to be perceived as you feel the food in your belly, warm and comfortable, this promise of safety, and you would give your life for this woman. You are both enthralled by the Dusk Mother. That's pretty cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I don't know they meet hips that wide.

Oh, ah, ah. The other two of you are not, you watch as both Briggsie and Chuckles look up and you see immediately that their eyes change and where they had been their normal pupils are now just pure swirling black darkness as they both look up at her with love. Well, that's a little unusual.

I feel like we gotta snap them out of it Stop her or something. She pushed a bunch of batter into my tummy and I didn't like it We got to do something I don't know Maybe we just tell her she's free. She doesn't have to keep cooking in the kitchen Maybe she doesn't realize she's free. We just got to actually Sit her free all we do is open the door. Maybe we got to usher through it The door. There is no door anymore. We're stuck in here. What are we gonna do? There's no black and white

checkered all way no it's close behind those well fuck we're trapped that's why it's so scary you know voice keeps changing pitch it's a nightmare god I look around on the table is there like a knife like a cutlery knife no there's there's nothing kill the mother I don't know if I could try tackling or maybe I could just surprise her break her neck real fast why don't I tackle her and you like spit in her eyes or something Oh, what? I don't know if what did you do in terms of combat? You're like, you're on people.

No, what? I don't know. It has been roughly the equivalent of each of you having a turn. I need you both to roll a Christmas saving throw again. That's cocked. 14. 13. Both of you have this conversation as the Dusk Mother continues to bake and cook,

the smells filling this room as she turns. turns towards both of you, towards all of you, and you see this shadowy darkness, almost the essence of night begin to spill out from beneath her dress and spread out like tendrils through the room. You feel it swirl around your legs, and you look up towards her as you hear her say.

So come to me, children. Give in to mother. And you both look towards her and you feel mother's love. You know that this is where you're supposed to be. Yes, mother. This is where you're meant to live. This is your home now. This is where mother is.

And mother will protect you. Yes. All four of you find yourselves enthralled by this creature. Darkness begins to fill up this room, the shadows, the darkness of night. And if anyone were in the cabin in the woods, somewhere deep in the Faye Wild. They could look into the windows of this house and see as all of the lights go out.

As the door itself opens and darkness begins to spill out and spread, someone has unlocked the dusk mother. She has now found children of her own. She's begun to mold the children in her image. Her motherly love will spread throughout this lamb. And that is where we'll win the session. Oh, we die.

That was awesome. Oh, that was a lot of fun. I made this fight, okay? I made this. I was hoping they would fight her. I shouldn't jumped her. I was gonna give you a time to actually do something, but I told myself,

if you guys just talked, she would use a mother's love again on her turn. Oh, I, wow. you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shroud of her Salt Marsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash Legends of Aventriss. If you want to chat about the episode with the Aventriss community, join us on Discord at

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