Legends of Avantris - Twas the Night Before Witchlight | A Yuletide One-Shot

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

A party of unlikely allies comes together in a madcap holiday one-shot...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/F_Lrt0iE3bM?si=9UTp24piV_Fr_mVH

Welcome to Legends of Aventriss. All around Aventras, a snow has begun to fall. In the deserts of Necbet, the people look up to the sky in question as snow begins to drift down from the heavens. It's strange, but it's beautiful. No one seems to question it too much as the children enjoy the first snowfalls they've ever seen in places that have never gotten it. Four people stare up to the sky. Bidsey, Chuckles, Briggsie, and Torbeck all look up and wonder, separate places around the world as the snow falls and lands on their nose. The snow does not stop.

And over the course of hours, it begins to blanket the ground around them. As all four of them over the course of the evening eventually make their way to, homes or taverns or places of cozy and warmth to get out of the snow and to lay their heads down for the night. And all of them are met by a strange little gnome female, curly red hair, a button nose and rosy cheeks, and she makes her way up to each of them with a piping hot mug of peppermint hot cocoa. and as she talks to them about the snow and this time of year, they sip from their mug and enjoy the warmth and the sweetness.

And eventually, against their will, they begin to fall into a slumber. Oh, I've been drugged. I spilled hot co-car all over my lap. Their sleep is dreamless. Oh, free drugs. and warm. But eventually their limbs feel

frozen and cold. Their teeth begin to fucking mighty teeth. You gotta go up for it. There we go. There we go. There we go.

We actually have to make Torbeck face. Just make Torbeck face. God damn. Can I please get through this? We only have a limit in a man. I've been drugged and frozen. Okay, I'm going to say, immediately that I was very much considering not allowing choccles for this very reason. We're going to start calling them fuckles.

All of you feel the warmth leave you as a biting cold wind whips at your bodies and you you awake. But you are no longer in your home or a tavern or a place that you had found cozy and an escape from the winter. It's just a dumpster. It is just the biting cold, frigid winter of the north. And as you look around you, you're alone, each of you. You're surrounded by tall evergreen trees, completely coated in a soft blanket of fresh snow. The wind whips through the spaces between the trees and lashes at your body.

As you shiver, you look down and you're always. Oddly enough, dressed appropriately for this weather. And you remember the face of that woman, and you remember the cocoa. You don't remember how you got here. You pinch yourself to make sure that you're not dreaming, and this is definitely not a dream. You begin to move through the forest,

and you hear the sound of, I am going to make you change your character. Like literally, I am literally going to make you change the character. I assume it would be a landmine. You have to be in this direction. I am, I will be the DM that juggles.

Can I please just get through this fucking intro? Jesus. Like to redeem 10, Notties. You, You make your way through the snow, and you do eventually hear these sounds of movement. And eventually, you all find yourselves facing each other, almost in sync as you stare around and you see people you have never seen before. Oh, this is surprising. Oh, strangers in the woods with no one around.

What were in those fucking drugs? What drugs? Oh, well, is it not like a weird trip? And I'm just in bed or like in the street? Why would this be a weird trip? There's a large talking mouth. You're a crocodile man who seems to be dead. I am a clown that can't take off my flesh gloves.

I've never been called large before. And that guy's wearing a can of beans for a hat. This is a normal day. This is much more beautiful than the dumpster. Oh, that's what that smell was. Yeah, sorry. That's just Torbay.

Oh, it's okay. I used to be a street magician in Galtica, so the goblin piffy-kiffy smell doesn't bother me. What's your name? Oh, my name is Chuckles. Oh, Torbeck's name? My name is Torb. Oh, I have to shake the head.

I'll have some nerve damage. You'll go away in a couple months. I think the nerve damage is from all the alcohol. Oh yeah, or perhaps the biting cold. Isn't that little strings that is winter, where it's everywhere? Snow came even in places where it shouldn't have been? What's your name? You haven't heard of me?

No. No. Oh, no. heard of him. How are we supposed to know if we've heard of you? We don't know your name. You got to know who I was. If you have any seen it? And I'll pull the... Whoa! Wow! Still have been ringing any bells.

Oh, I can do that too! Oh my gosh! We have the same power! I'll reach out. My bowler cap, I'll pull it off and I'll reach it. I'll pull out a butter knife. Oh! Hold on. Some muffins? Okay, some butter? Hmm. Oh, you brought snacks? Oh, I did. Would everyone like some? Sure. Oh, thank you. If this is really- Yeah, I mean, I swip some of the-

I'm gonna wake up later with the hangars with it. I swiped some of the drugs off of that gnome. And I made the muffins. Did a known drug get 10? Oh. Wait. Did a gnome drug us? Oh, Torbeck very routinely wakes up in places

he did not go to sleep in. I just assumed that the universe got reset like it does every Thursday. What was a Thursday? Oh, wait. I was at a circus after party, and I went to you the little clowns room and I left my cocoa and guarded. I don't know. You didn't tell us your name.

Oh, I'm Briggy. Oh, Briggs. It's nice to meet you. I'm Torbeck. Is there some kind of bit I should know about? Oh, are you going to hurt Torbeck? No. Okay.

Maybe shake my end. and my handle to attach and I'll like step back and it's still moving. Torbeck is up in the snow and recoil several feet. Oh, did Torbeck hurt you? No, no, but it doesn't come

with nerve damage. It stands up and it'll crawl. Oh, wait, hold on. And I'll pull up a stump and it'll just be spurting blood and it's a little tap on your shoulder. Oh, no! And a big, uh, goofy, uh, fat clown glove will be pointing and it's my, it's chuckle his hand and blood is gushing. You guys are funny.

No, just kidding. And with that, L. James Quinn, sheared 5,000 bits. Oh, wow. El James Quinn, if you could please roll a D20 in chat for us, that will determine what song they will be singing. And if you get a five, re-roll. And I would like to mention that I told them, I'm going to give you an opportunity to introduce each other.

I want you to keep it very brief because we have a lot to get through. So please don't go wild and wacky in the very beginning of the session. We need those words with Wednesday. Anyway, I'm a crocodile pirate and I'm sort of rotting. And as you can see, we didn't get too fours. Did we say? No, we didn't. Silent Night.

That one has to be sung with aggression. Wow. That's just kind of torment. Island Night. Okay. Oh, what's your name, Mithmel? My name is Briggs. I'm sorry, I mean Bidsey.

That's going to be confusing. Wait, that's going to be confusing. That's going to be really confusing. That's going to be so confusing, I feel. I hope you guys aren't too confused. My name's Bidfi. I am confused. I mean, they're not that different.

They've got the same, like, beginning and end, but the middle's all due. We need to come up with. the name now that we're all best friends. We're friends now. Of course we're all friends. Oh, this is wonderful news. You know, last time I was doing something

and I passed out and awoke in a strange place, I was in a cart and he said, You all feel the snow, blanked around you, and you hear the sounds of jingling bells in the back of your mind. And you have just met these new people, these new friends, And you feel a warmth in your heart. The sounds of the bells get louder.

And with every jingle of them, that memory of that gnomish woman that gave you that drink begins to slowly fade. You can't remember, was she a gnome or an elf? Was her hair red or brown? So it begins to fade a little bit. You feel yourself overcome with the impulse to sing. You got to do the first one.

A jingle bell rock. Oh, suddenly, this is a musical episode. I'm gonna plot a bike horn. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bell swing and jingle bells ring and jingle bells ring. Jingle bell. I just couldn't help myself. Why did you eat horse meat?

Well, because it said I got one horse slay. Oh, gosh. I misunderstood. I don't know what came over. Torbeck. Torbeck. usually doesn't sing because people cry. It's probably the trees.

That might control in our minds. Stay away from the trees. And as she says this, you notice that the trees around you illuminate with beautiful white lights that sparkle and shimmer. And the sound of jingling bells once again assails your ears.

Don't close your eyes. I would blowin and blow it and blowing for fun. So we all felt compelled to sing at the same time and the same song too. It was pretty magical. The night around you begins to quiet. What? Do you want to you? Oh, oh, oh, that was his tongue.

The night around you begins to silence. And you feel compelled to sing. I wish coming on again Oh, oh, look at Jolly Holmes 5'9-9 Hi Oh Jesus

I don't know how he's going to stay asleep during all that singing Wouldn't I mean, did you see Did you taste how tender that child was Who's? Who's round John Virgin? Oh, round Oh, you've been heard round John Virgin?

He's the greatest jazz player in Golthica. That's kidding now. The Virgin was an irony. He did like the ladies. This is the most fun Torbeck has ever had. With anyone ever. Today couldn't possibly get any. Oh, I'm sure the strange magical powers

will compel us to sing against our will many a time. I hope so too. That sounds so. magical and awesome. The only thing better than this could be if we had like games to play and other people to play them with. Yeah, no, I mean, after that song, I heard something, you guys all hear voices in your head, right? I heard that the gods are dead and we have killed them. No, I've never heard a voice in my mind. Oh. Really? No. Not even Eccledius the wise. No. And you do notice that the lights on the trees have,

have seemed to make a path off into the forest. You notice that only certain trees have become illuminated. And they do seem to lead somewhere deeper into the woods. Should we follow the lights? Or should we walk away from them? Because they're part of them sentient trees. Are you okay, Mr. Bigzie? You look a little scared, Mr. Biffey.

Oh, me, I've had dreams and visions and off-seat dog ship. I'm looking around. I don't know if I've seen anything more fucked up than this. For what it's worth, Torbeck has had a couple close calls, and he's often heard people saying, Torbeck, go towards the light, go towards the light, so we probably should. That's pretty good. Let's follow that out of you.

But I mean, this is not just a strange winter. Torbett roll a perception check, please. Oh, I have to actually check my character sheet. One second, perception. That's a skill. Oh, my sweet-summitter. 13 total. You look around, you're having the greatest night of your life.

And a flash of red catches your eye as you look towards the closest tree to you. And you see that beneath it is this beautiful red velvet bag, sack that seems to be, that is tied with a corded golden rope that shimmers in the light from this aluminum tree. And it is one of the prettiest things that you've ever seen. Oh, that's Torbeck's. Torbeck calls dips and runs over your ass. Oh, oh.

This is hecked it up. There's nothing in it at all. It's an empty set. Torbett was just joking with the eyes. Before you bend over like that, Torbeck was just Joshin. Torbeck was just Joshin. I can help you with my hands if you want. Oh, thanks Brick.

That's very nice of you. You wanna-. No, he's bishy, there's snuffing luck. You know, you could call me. to cut less, you could call me Crack. You've called me Captain Crack. Oh, Cratch. Oh, Cratch.

Oh, I'm going to call you Cratch Critchie. Now, how about it's Bitsy and Captain Briggs. Briggs, not Bittsey, Pritzy. See, Brickie and I need that thing. I'm just going to call you Kevin. I'm just going to call you Kevin's list. Did Bitsy say she wants to massage Torbeck? I can heal you with my hands.

I got powerful massage powers. Oh, yes. I, Torbeck double lied. He did hurt his back, but it's It's really low on his bag. I'll get it, just lie down in the snow. Okay. I will lay face down in the snow, ignoring the cold.

I'll like face down in the snow. And we'll wait for you in the size direct. I will start to like deep tissue and then like do a bunch of these really really fast. Like monk speed and then Lower please. Oh, lower, lower. Okay, I got it.

Touch Torbeck's butt cheeks, please. Your hair is very madded. I think I found good. Oh! Oh, this is a gum at all! Oh! Shia! I thought this was like a crushed cigar or something.

I could be. I need you to roll on a twist of naughty, please. Oh, no. Is the D-20? Oh, almost or just? I got a three. Just toreback. Oh.

You develop an appetite for human bones. Did that, what, did I break something? Are you all right? Torbeck is hungry. Oh, well, we got more muffins, I think. Torbeck doesn't want a muffin. What do you, what are you feeling? Maybe lock some eggs. Oh, I know what you want mini muffins. Torbeck has never had a hunger like this before.

Oh, are you, are you feeling like them a horse? What race is joccles? I am reborn. Torbeck will look around and sniff the air. Torback isn't sure, but what Torbeck wants to hear. Roll a perception check at advantage because you have the taste for human bones. Well, what race was? 17.

Turcles initially. Perfect. Well, I was once human. You get the lingering scent of human. human on chuckles, but you can tell he's not currently human. Then I drank the hick-hoor. And I was reborn. And suddenly after drinking so much demon-blood.

And what you notice is that you can smell the scent of fresh humans. If you were to follow the illuminated path of trees through this whimsical woods. Torbeck is going to say we should definitely keep following the light. for no, not for human bones, but just because the light is nice. Well, let's go. I hate Iker, especially when it's from licorice. Oh, what? Liquorice.

Lickrish. Dormac thinks it's pronounced licorice. Yeah, that's what I'll think, too. That's what the Illuminati want you to think. Okay. Oh, are you being Illuminati right now, Big Zee? Derek, I would like you to roll on the nanny list. Oh, no.

Oh, no. The name's not Bigsy. I forget what it is. Bigsy. It's not Bigsy. It's Bitsy. Bitsy. I'm going to call you Cap and I have a 15. Oh, okay, Cards and Biggs, B. Oh, geez. Can you please roll a D-13? Can you go to a website and roll a D-13 for me, please?

Can roll D-12 and add one? Just a moment. Can I do it right here in chat? Yeah. You might be able to. Oh, I think it's just a D-21. I only, fuck. Hey, whoa. You stupid fuck.

I programmed it. I only did the standard dice. I definitely didn't know that. God damn! Jesus! Roll A, D. Note to self. Go fuck myself.

Roll at D13.net has it for me. Thank you. I got five. You watch as Bitsy gets up out of the snow having just sex-pested Torbeck. And you watch as her body begins to change. And where once was this small mouse girl,

her arms begin to get long, her nails begin to curl and grow. A beard begins to sprout from her face as she begins to take the form of Yule Lad number five. Oh, terrific. Pot scraper. You steal leftovers from pots, and that's all you want to do.

Oh. Oh, my God. What's happening? Oh, she turned into Torbeck after touching Torbeck. Oh, it's the beautiful transformation. Is this what happened to you? You touched somebody, and it just goes on and like a shade? Your voice would be different.

Oh. You're a little lad now. What would pot scraper sound like? Derek. Usually about this time my teeth start falling out, or I get on the school maps, or I get on the school maps, or I die in a plane crash. This is somehow worse. That's a plane.

Like a plane of existence. You know, the whole plane crash. It just crashes. Another one. The 404s. Yeah, exactly. I took the windows blue screens out. I'm not going to be able to keep that up.

I wanted to do Dr. Girlfriend from Venture, Brother. You could. When we entered this relationship, yeah, I'm gonna do the pot scraper voice. Oh, what happened to Bitsy's voice? Oh, God, I don't, I don't, I'm no, that. I'm just gonna sound really gruff. What has happened to Bissy? Look at my fingers.

Has anyone got any pots? Oh, this is definitely some sort of Torbeck disease. Oh, is your fur made of Icar to cause us to go into dark transformation? It must be. Nobody touched the cigar. What's, oh, what's the guy, is it the cigar disease that you have now? It's there in the snow.

Oh, yeah, my doctor always said it's COPD, and I'm like, get out of here. Do you think we have time to make a small pot out of snow? How does that even make sad? It won't really be a pot at that point. It's just being snow. You're right, I didn't think of that. I know Tormec keeps bringing up the bright light

It has nothing to do with human bones, but we should definitely follow the bright light. Perhaps there will be pots at the end. Yes. There's always the pot at the end of a rainbow. Yes. I start walking. Come on.

We begin to lead the group. Wow, this is so exciting. And before you do, you reach down, you pick up the red sack, and you fix it to your hip. And as you fully tie that golden, corded rope around your waist and get it affixed, you immediately feel a heft as the sack fills with presents.

Oh! Hey guys, this mysterious sack is full of something all of a sudden. It's not Torbex fall this time. No, that's wonderful. It sounds like it's just like it's my hat. My little cap. It's always filled with something mysterious. That you don't have the ways to fill a sack, right? How are the way to fill a sack? How does it not go into it?

No, I'm very, I don't know any of what you're talking about. I said it's not Torbeck's fault this time. Corbeck, a sack is kind of like a pot. Do you mind if I scrape around a little? Yes. Fine. You feel like you have the ability to against Torbeck's wishes, choose, scrape around.

Oh, wait, hold on. What do you want? for he will tide, little strange old man that smokes cigars and claws. A pot! Oh, do you? A pot for scraping. Yeah, and so for the sake of the rules,

you don't have to get Torbeck's permission to take a present. Torbeck was just our peeing. And that's fine, and you should. I'm just saying. I dash 80 feet in a meal. Grab the sack, and I start scraping around. I don't actually know.

like pull anything out. I just try to reach the bottom of the back. Hey, careful. We don't know what's in there. And you, as you open it and you begin to scrape around, the sense of cinnamon and clothes. Oh. And, and, um, fur, for tree, not animal fur. Uh, assails your nostrils. Um, as you look inside, you see that there is a, it's almost its own like shimmering, glittery snowfall that seems to appear. here, but it seems to be bottomless.

And thank you, Sloss with ADHD for the 5,000. Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you. If you could please roll, use exclamation point 20, a D20, to roll for us so we know what song. If you get a four or five, please re-roll. It's going to be a fake.

How much you want to bet? So I look inside and there's like swirling, snowy energy happening. I hope this doesn't turn out like the end of Raiders of the Lost Dark. I gotta hope it does, you know what I mean? Yeah, Torbeck never gets anything nice, and now this person took Torbett's sick. Smell this. Okay.

Wow, I thought it was gonna smell terrible. Usually that's how people prank Torbeck. You still smell. It's delightful. Oh. Hmm. Does this smell feel good? I wouldn't honk in my nose.

Um, Could somebody describe, you know, what it might smell like? I don't have any biological systems work. I don't really smell at all. Really not even too good. I just don't smell. Oh, imagine that you are a middle-aged person, a human, and you didn't have any gold in life. And you decided to go to the mart called the Tarje.

Because that has become your identity and purpose, after reproducing as your species and instinct dictates. It is near Euletide. You walk into the candle section. You find an old-timey patriot-style candle. And it says, Yul-tide cheer. You uncork it, thinking about this is the only joy I'll get this season in my pathetic, ruined life.

You take a sniff. That's what it smells like. Juggles, I wouldn't like you to roll on the knotty list. She's a D20. I don't want to live anymore. A D-D-H-D. Sloth of ADHD got a nine. Oh, I know. I wrote it down.

Okay, all right. Oh, naughty is it a D-20? D-20. Yeah, it's a custom list I made. 11. Ooh. So this one affects all of you. Oh. Okay.

I need each of you to roll a D4. Oh. Well, here, just roll and we'll, like, I'll get a unique one. Three. Three, two. You roll. I'm not, yeah.

Three, one. So he's four. I'm four. Okay. One, two, three, four. You, you, chuckles, you feel yourself, swirling, magical snow begins to wrap around you, and you feel your souls leave your body.

And as they do, you find yourselves landing in the body of someone you've just met. Not again! Chuckles, you, Your soul leaves your body, and where once was chuckles, you now find yourself in Briggs'i's body. So you're Briggs'i. Jesus. Why do I feel like that?

Nothing changes for you. You are exactly who you were supposed to be. You become chuckles. You become Torback. Oh, my. What's this? I got the worst one. Oh, this body is. Did these minds or bodies are full?

Oh, right. This is a body-swapping episode. So you are yourself, but you aren't somebody else's body. Oh, do I still need to talk really elongated? Briggs he doesn't like that. What? What's happened? It's life for me. Why are you all like to get a weird...

I thought we murder the guy that likes pots. I just want to scrape pots. Isn't that kind of weird? I think he's quite a lot. I was just wrote to smoke bones. I mean, I mean, scrape pots. Have you ever scraped a pot before? Oh, yeah.

What is it? Delightful. You all feel the need to sing. as the lyrics to white yule tide make their way into your brains and even though you're in a body that you're not familiar with actually all of you are in a body

you're not familiar with all you can think is this time of year is always so special nothing makes it more special than communal singing we've walked 20 feet so just so I am in I am Torback in Chuckles' body.

Oh, God. We're doing... I'm doing... I'm dreaming of a white Christmas? Boy, Yuletide. I just wanted to make sure I was... Yuletide. Yeah, yeah.

This time we did two for a soon. I said I... Hello? Hi, I'm the sugar plum... Any caten sugar plum taffy for it. I'm sorry, what? Any sugarplum taffy for us. I've never heard of that before.

No, it would be convenient. Oh, fuck. Do you have any pot? The witch-like carnival has a pot? Hello. And as she motions her hand, you see a curtain of snow move out of the way and a beautiful glistening carnival of Winter Wonderland.

I just assume the entire carnival was sliding over the earth. It goes through the distance. It comes to an end up. It has all the legs of the city of Gehenna. Only their candy cane legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you see that there is a beautiful carnival behind you.

It's blanket in a silvery, glittery snow that reflects the light and shifts into brilliant kaleidoscope of colors. You see that there are ants walking about the place that are fir tree ants, and they're illuminated with bubbles and trinkets. And there are children, many humans, running around, enjoying the festering. You see gingerbreadmen dart this way and that, and the overwhelming sense of a Yankee candle assails your nostrils. It's Patriots candle. Oh wait, what kind of? I'm smelling you here.

There should be lovely candy. I don't laugh like that. If you want to go inside, I'm more than happy to sell you a ticket. It's one ticket per person and you can, you're welcome to come in. Oh, oh, it's the final night, too, so that means that the Winter Queen's going to be joining us all the way from the Faywiles. Oh, Tolbeck has a question. Does the Winter Queen have a boyfriend? You know, I don't think she does. Oh, Jackford.

Jack foot. She's so pretty, too. We're really lucky that she always visits us. If she didn't, that would be so horrible for the carnival. Mr. Witch and Mr. Light would not be happy. Well, first, Thorbeck needs to switch bodies because something is very, very wrong. His penis is much smaller than normal. She just hasn't gotten aroused yet when he does. Yikes. That's a...

Yikes. How much is a ticket? Here's this thing. I don't really want to know about your penises. So if you could just let me know whether you want to buy your ticket or not, that would be I don't have a penis. Brindsey doesn't have any money.

Yo, Torbeck doesn't have any money either. All I've got are these nails for scraping. Potts, pot! Oh, do you try the nails? Oh, I can pull off all these nails. It comes not off. Well, that are... I mean, man, I can do, but I try not to...

You know, I actually think we might be closed. What's up a song that says closed? Oh, no. The other one. I mean, go to the gold. Make a pact with each of you if you couldn't pay. It's only one gold piece, though, to get in. We don't have any gold.

We got drugged with a hot chocolate. It was very delicious. You actually don't remember that. Now that you think about it, you can't remember why. I don't know why I'm here. I don't have any gold. I don't know. Yo-ho.

I don't know what to tell you, but if you don't have one gold piece, you can't come in, and I would make a pact with you, but you've told me too much about your penises. Well, I didn't mention nothing about my penis. That was just stomach. And when he's done, it was out of character. Check your sack for gold.

Oh, ho. I'll root through the sack to see if there's anything that we can exchange for... You find a pouch of ten gold pieces. Oh, here's the gold piece for you. It's going to be more than that. You're unbelievably handsome. No, I'm not. But I do have this giant fish.

She and you. I gotta go to bed. This was a disaster. What the fuck was I thinking? Allowing. Stop us back and roll again. You control this. I don't control anything.

The little fairy pulls out a flamethrower. We got one. The Bureau of Investigation. Holy shit. She accepts the gold happily and hands you, tickets. There are these beautiful parchment tickets that are gilded in this color-changing, like, dual metallic red to green, and they're topped with a beautiful holly leaf.

Oh, that's nice. And they say on them, final night of the Witch Lake Carnival, Winter Wonderland, unlimited rides. This is going to be like an unlimited buffet. I mean, I can't wait to ride the rides. Oh. Amazon. Oh, wait, so I need to warn you about something. There's a little thing about being a space clown.

You hunger for human flesh. Unless you take your medicine. What else is new? Nothing. Well, I don't like that Bigsby hasn't changed at all, besides truth's worrying horrible. No. I mean, that seems like a pretty terrible guest. It's suspicious that he's the odd man around.

Do we just give you the ticket then, and then we can go in? No, I gave you. You have to have the ticket on you so that nothing bad happened. Don't you have to turn in the ticket to get entrance? No, you have to show the ticket at all the rights to show that you were authorized to be here. And they'll take the ticket. No, you keep it on you. You want to make sure you don't let that ticket go because, Oh, I gotta tell you, children have been going missing.

And light miser and witch miser are not happy about it. Oh, no. They've been going missing? Yeah, and they're really unsure. Missing. It could be grilla of the woods and her yule cat. There's a gorilla on the loose? No, gorilla.

I turn into Gina. Oh, I'm not saying. How marinated were these children? Oh, then they would brush boxes. No, they... Until guerrilla got them and then it's possible that she did something with them.

Story goes that she eats children and she uses her 13 yule lads to steal them when they're being naughty. No, what's a gorilla? That's not fair at all. That's terrible to hear about. That's what I'm telling you. You probably shouldn't let us in

if children are going missing. We're just going to make it worse. No, it's fine. No, it's fine. No, the children are probably fine. It's fine. The voice out. I can't do fringley.

It's really hard. I can't do briskly. I only steal one child at a time. I mean, oh, what? No, she's extra dangerous because she's using gritty. Honorable, that would be amazing. Thank you. And I like, oh, ho, ho!

Thanks. I don't know why I tried to talk to you guys. We walk into the carnival. Oh. You step into the carnival, Bitsy, first. And immediately you were overcome by the amazing magic of the witchlight carnival. And any remnants of the memories that you had about how you got here are completely gone. All you can remember is that moment that you met your friends in the woods and you made,

and from that moment forward, everything before that is hazy. And as you take one step and then two, you feel your body begin to change back into the form of Vitsy. but not quite the way you had remembered it. Where you had been a mousekin, an animal folk, you are now a doll. You are babbling bidsy, and you can pull on your tail to make yourself babble. Wow.

You all watch as you see this transformation take place. Guys! Look at what happens to me. Then we all turned back. He told me. Did you walk into the carnival? Happy feasting. Happy feasting.

As each of you walk into the carnival, the same magic overcomes you. And you find yourselves transforming, but not into, you transform it to yourself, but not the way you would remember yourself. Chuckles, where there had been a space clown. There is now a chuckles in a box.

Briggs-y, you are now a Briggs-e action figure with removable chunk, T.M. And Torbeck, you are tickle me Torbeck. Oh, Torbeck has an unusually extra large desire to be tickled. And you do feel your need for human bones subside from you. And all other. Well, addition, I mean, hooray. Oh, you just want to be tickled?

Oh, well, I mean. Oh, Gucci, Gucci, GooCoo! My hand will attach, my glove will attach, and start tickling you. Wait, wait. Make sure you get closer to Dormac's inner thigh. That's the good spot. Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, captain, do you want to get out of there?

I'll peel you free if you were. So I'm literally still in the clamshell, like, blister pack. And I just fall forward. Oh, you have to get rid of it. No, please, it gives you a fight. My wrists are attached with those things that are impossible to come off. I don't know. You can't get his scissors in a day.

Briggs-Z. Torbeck's pretty sure you're worth a lot in that stage. Let's just lift him up and we'll carry him around. Hold on. Oh, it said, Captain, oh, what is the edge of midnight? Wow. Oh, I don't know. Did he cratch? That sounds bad.

The name is there. Yeah, they're the really creepy moon on the packaging. Yeah. It looks like I've got some kind of articulation. You know, I've got joints at least. Yeah, no. You do have some sort of articulation. It says Briggs, but there's one G, making it even more valuable.

Oh, and he's free. Now it's never going to open me. Oh, I wonder if he's one of those characters that, like, with a background character, and they just gave him a name so they could sell toys of it. Like Return of the Jedi. I mean, I mean. Like the jim midnight. Yeah.

So are you going to rip the cardboard off and get me out? I don't have any scissors. Oh. Divided you all. These have been replaced with fuzzy mittens. All right. Let's try this again. And I'm going to fall forward.

You fall forward and you do feel, you do feel the cardboard backing come away from the plastic bubble sheet. Okay, I got to do this. Oh, I hate this so much. These little tied. How am I? Which way do they go? No, the other way. The other way? Oh, hold on. The other way? It's getting tired.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, no, they're somehow still getting tired. This is making any sense. How did that even happen? Are you just cut them all? That was me. Oh, uh.

Oh, wait, hold on. Duh. Oh, big, please just hold down. Funk. Funk. Are you gonna take your hands off? Your heart. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, I guess she's not different from what I usually. There we go. Hold on your feet. You got some tall boots there, fella. You smell a lot better. Oh, your whole leg is gone. That's amazing. That was so good, Mr. Cloud.

Good thinking. I'll pick up my collectible cutlass in the gun. Does anyone care about the card of authenticity? Should I just leave it on the ground? Surely. You must have a place for it. I mean, if we could meet a fellow collector, Captain Brinkley Crassie is a,

Lizard folk rick. It's misprinted on the certificate. It's Captain Briggsie Crotch. Captain Briggs E. Croch. Oh, this was... Someone didn't do out of purpose. Oh, no, this is actually a bootleg. Was having a good time on the thieves,

but then went to desert and turned to zombie men. Wow. This isn't even common. Captain Crotch all along. He's very fun. We're like for kids. He's part of a team called the Transform of End. Whoa.

Do not for baby. Oh, yeah. Do not for baby. I don't need to team up with someone named Shrek. Yeah, it's a huge one. I wonder if any of my power's stupid. See this thing still shoots.

I want to try to shoot an elders blast in the sky for my plastic voodoo gun. Yeah, you can. Oh, wow, that's kind of coat. You, nothing actually appears in the sky. You just hear a click, click, click. from the gun and a little rod shoots out that says that has a little flag that says voodoo gun amazing oh oh now it gives it kind of throw it up I would like to read a comment

really quickly because for some it just stands out to me Chloe says all of L.O.A. has led to this point all of Mikey's world building all the complex character development all the hours of streaming all the sweat equity and behind-the-scenes work all of it has led to this moment this stream a banteress in its truest form. Guys, what the fuck? Yeah, it's about the course. Dixie pulls her tail again.

I always thought that the creators of the world's name was Mackie. Oh, that's preposterous. No, it's the truth. What, you think of that the world was invented in 2015? No, it was invented last Thursday. Oh, that's very recent.

Well, I guess I'll be a born- Again, Chuckletonian. You're gonna join our weird cult. Standing directly in front of you is where, if you were looking at the witch-like carnival in its normal form, you would see the Calliope. You actually see the Holly King carolers. And as they stand there, they are all on a lazy Susan,

and they are these beautiful wooden dolls that are holding choir books. As they all sing their heads and body, go up and down in unison with the song if they spin around on this lady Susan and sing holiday carols and this place is filled with joy you can hear the laughter of the crowd all around you as the snow drifts down these pillowy beautiful silvery glittery snowflakes that are just large enough for you to see the the intricacies in them and as you look a little closer you see that they're not just snowflakes that intermingled with these are tiny little dancing

fay creatures that are, that dance on the wind and giggle as they, as they dance through the sky and float along with the snowflakes. And it is quite beautiful. Are we toys? I think so. Man, I'll finish the odd deal. Torbeck never had any toys. This is what toy look like. You never had a toy. Oh, child. They didn't need to have toys. Oh, Torbeck mostly just play around with rocks and empty rusty cans. Well, I mean, anything is a toy with the right imagination. Well, one sounds nice. The other gives you tetanus.

Oh, that's true. Speaking of tetaneth, my entire lower half is spring. Oh, thank goodness that that gnome isn't here because I, now I can say that I no longer has a penis. It was a, it was a pixie, yeah. Oh, the pixie, yeah. Oh, neither do I. Oh, anyone does.

Hold on, hold on. Oh, man, hold on. And the little slap on my box. Where did he go? You notice, you notice that as you're looking at his box, you see etched into the bottom of it is no fun, is no Blinsky. Oh. Chuckles, here comes Torbett.

You know you want to crank me, and you'll see like the crank light kind of tilt. I do not you want to crank me, Torback. Here I know. Oh, that's me. Oh, that's me. That's where I'd win. Can you want to crank me? I'm going to reach for the crank and Torbeck stops

because we're touching it. Oh, you tease. Chocalls, you'll have to return the favor. Well, it's already getting weird, so cute. We have a deal! And I'm going to create. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Boom! Ah! Like it was as good for you as do you need a single? You need a cigarette? Oh, you're all over another. Okay. I'm gonna throw up. Yeah, me too.

I got a five and I may have already gotten a five. 17. No, you haven't. Okay. You can only speak in song. Me? Oh, no. And 17?

Yeah. You turn into a feral tabaxi and you feel the need to mark your territory. This happens. You see... This happens. And as Mikey thinks about thinks about how to roll play a voice. I'll pull my tails.

Biddy cools her tail. Eating a little quicksilver every day makes you immune to charm spells. Should we go ride some rides? Am I still a jack in the box or am I now just a tobacco? You are now just a feral tabaxi with the need to mark your territory. Oh wow, Chuckles, what happened?

And you have a different. voice, you're a different entity altogether. Well, I didn't even mark my territory already. Chuckles, are you, are you still in there? What happened? What's your name?

Well, you can't move. I'm gonna pit on you. Hold still already. I run. Torback is real. Peace, maybe we should just let him do his business. Okay.

I'm running around you guys. Oh, wait a minute already. I'm a feral cat. I can just shotgunning. Is this your snaggled fuss impression? Because you sound like snagggyfuss. Maybe we should make an exit stage run. Oh, makes it stay dry.

Truly, you are my territory, man. It's gonna die. Well, let's enjoy some Yuletide cheer already. This whole carnivals, my territory, and they're all many human children around. Let's go on around. I want to go on a rat. Torbeck would not have done that if he do chuggles gonna turn into that.

I know, it's part of the magic. I just got a shotgun piss everywhere. Oh, no, I sneeze. I mean, I sneeze. They're not that different. I look around at the surroundings. Like, I see that there are the carolers that are rotating slowly in the sun.

of, I'm assuming I'm just a square, and I imagine that there are paths going off in different directions. What kind of ride might I spy? As you make your way towards the carolers and you look around, you see that this layout, and for the sake of brevity, this layout is exactly as it is at the Witchlight Carnival.

And there are something, they've all been re-themed for the holiday. So where the carousels would be is now an ice rink. where the Dragon Flight rides are now reindeer rides. Where the apple orchard is, is now an evergreen woods. Where the Silver Song Lake and the Swan Rides were is now just Swan Lake, and there seems to be a ballet being performed there at the moment.

You notice that where the Hall of Mirrors is is now a place called the Hall of Holly. there are yemling racing where you would normally find the snail racing where the mystery minds would have been is now the strange gingerbread house and where you would have seen the pixie kingdom is now rat kingdom and you see that where the big top should have been

or would have been is now a beautiful ice sculpture castle when I'm through with it they're going to be calling a kitty kingdom And you hope to accomplish it while piss you don't know. I'm gonna piss everywhere already. Upper plains dehumanoid. Can we take a break? Yes.

How do we go off? That is not my fault. Oh, maybe we should open some fucking out. I'm literally not my fault. You're watching Legends of Avantress, and this is t'was the night before witchlight. Next time Plot is a dink. Oh, at least we haven't had his... You can do it next time.

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to snack all them extra goodies like dice and miniatures and plushes and a tarot deck and more. Thank you. From Legends of Adventries. So yes, you look around the you look around the carnival here

and you notice all of those different areas. You guys want to go to the ice rink? Oh, why would we do that? Why don't we look in the bag to see anything else? Oh, it's going to be yellow snow. Yeah, look inside your sack. From this whole...

Oh, let's pull in the sack already. I'll kind of like to cure him, too. He's creeping me out a little bit. I will open it up and take a look inside. It's filled with presents. Oh. Why do you take one? And why doesn't he take one and see you?

Yeah, I'll take one right away. There's a gift for you. Oh, I'll play a gift for you more. Torbeck. And the moment you intend, the moment you start to unwrap the present, you feel the effects of the naughty list fade from you. Torbeck's never opened a present before.

So he's like, like gumming it open and like trying to get the wrap. He has fuzzy mittens. He doesn't have claws anymore. Wow, your mouth is so juicy. What did you say? He's a slobbering all over your present. You gotta use your hands. You get the paper all torn apart.

The boy, no! Oh, I'm back! Torbeck isn't singing anymore. Well, Torbeck likes singing, but Torbeck doesn't want to be the only one singing. Oh, only when we're compelled against our will by the magic of the we. And I need you both to roll a D20, please.

A D20? Yes. A 17 again. Oh, I'm back. Torbac got a four. I think he got that one. No, it's a different one. Roll on a magic.

item table C, Torbeck. What does that involve? I'll turn you in a second. D-100. D-100. Yeah, it'll be a D-100. Yeah, get it to do 100. It'll be a good one. Five,

Torbeck rolled in. 500! No, if only you were a fucking cleric right now. You get a potion of superior healing. Oh. You open it up in there is a vial of shimmering red liquid. Thank you.

You, however, You open up your present and there is a gilded spell scroll. Pick any level seventh spell scroll. You can cast that once a day. Whoa. Holy fuck. I am become. Not the jack in the box.

Not a queen in the box or even a king. I truly am the eighth in the box. A little bit of card humor for you. But just like. Just like there's some really fucked up things on the Nautilus, there are some really bogus things on the nice list. Do you have five a present or should we save them? You got a lot of us.

You think they're gonna change that allows- Oh, that don't save them. Stop being in dolls and turn it back into our normal selves? Well, I think that that's being this way as mortals for the whole carnival. Look, everybody's in toy. Is everyone like a toy? No. Oh, never mind. It's just us.

Yeah, but you are stuck as toys. I would say you would know that. Oh, we're still, I know that. Torbeck has never experienced the, absolute pleasure and joy of opening up a gift before. So Torbeck thinks that everybody else should keep his dirty mitts off his presence. I mean, it looks like you got quite a feel,

in there, give me one. And as you say that, as you say that, a present magically appears in your hand. Oh, no. My head, they just stuck in. So I can stop. Yeah. So I hold it.

So I hold it. So I'm, do you want pressure to button on the back of me, Ed? I press the buttons and I press it again. I'm actually Yoshi punching you, like MacMario punching Yoshi. So it's controlling my jaw to snap and I'm going to rip the wrapping off. Wow, real chop in action. Real chomp and action. You're kidding on a clam show.

D-100. No, D-20, D-20. You almost drop that in the copy. 16. Winter Wonderland die. Roll a D-6. Oh. Oh.

Actually, this sucks. I need to do it. And because I saw it in chat. Let's go to Candy Mountain. I want to go to Candy Mountain. I want to go to Candid Island. I think Candy Island is on Candid Island? Oh, my goodness.

I'm in... Legend. Do you think Candid Island has Candy land with Candy Mountain? You become proficient in Kahn. Oh. Flocks saving froze? Oh.

That's pretty good. I've heard tale of a woods woman who will grant you your most incredible wishes. Her name is Grandma Nutt. Where is she? She's in Candyland at the foot of Candy Mountain on Candid Island. Why aren't we going right now? Well, I'm a Jack in the box. I've been turned into a boss from Donkey Kong Country 64.

Torbeck has many, many horrible deep darksie. desires that needs to be met. Oh, no, Grandma, not will fulfill all of those. We have to go! Love if the legends are true. If you survive the molasses swamp. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a candy island.

Or the candy, oh, I guess around here. Can you prove that there is no candied island, Mr. Crotch? I'm going to the Ice Reef. Mr. Cratch, first of all, get you going. And second of all, I'll forget the question. I love that. Ashton Ruby says, please don't use grandma and nut in the same sense. What, don't ask me, Milton Bradley. Milton and Bradley were some real perverts.

Oh, no, no, they're just Italian. Oh, no, I mean, look at her costume. She's got none on her head. Isn't it a peanut and peanuts aren't actually nuts? Oh, what are they going to call it Grandma Lagoon? Why not? That's what she is. I don't think I can go, I'm allergic to peanuts.

Torbeck's got a legume. Oh, Grandma, now we'll make you lagoon. That was a good deep cut. She's actually allergic to peanuts. Oh, that'd be right. For those of you who like the adventurer's deep lord. Oh, this he is chronically allergic. Well, anyway, shall we hop along with our disgusting cube flash?

Chichin. Well, let's go. Chichugin. Chichin. Chichin. Choochoo, chute. Yeah, well, Torbeck can definitely verify that the crank is made of some sort of weird clown flash.

Oh, it's a little soft. It's a soft grip. It's like one of those jelly brush hair. That's just called a refactory period. A what? Never mind. Well, I want to go to the ice rink. I want to see those kids who can't stand up without buckets and they push around the buckets

the ice and then you call them tubby and it's really fun. What? Biggsby, what the fuck are you talking about? It's bidsy. Oh, do you think these common nerve have 20 hit points or fewer? I need you all the roll on the naughty list. All of us? Yeah.

Almost definitely. Do you think so? Do you think I'm not using every single one of these given them? I got three. Oh, fuck. I got a natural one. 18. You turned inside out.

You develop an appetite for human bones. Oh, I know that look. It isn't the space clown this time. Door banks, bha. Well, she didn't justify what type of bones. Human bones, like said. I mean, I haven't had a bit, I haven't had a glass of human flesh in a while,

but it is a holiday. Just put a little... Not, let you get, Rhett? 18. Little rum and some human flesh and some nutmeg. You'll be all sad. You become a proud nudist. Well, Ruthie's kind of attached.

I was cast in glass, looking, painted. Oh, she just really deprived. You look down and you notice that you're not wearing any clothes. Oh, I'm not wearing any clothes. Oh, well, you look like a can doll down there. You do, though. There's nothing down there. Oh.

Oh. I'm glad to this. Kampi! A nice and smooth! Oh no, it's... There's two removable chunks now. Oh no. Pick it back up.

I pick it up. Oh, I didn't you get it? I have... You become chunky and jolly and old, but everyone you see is on the naughty list. I know I would do that. Anyway... Yours sucked, Mike. You got one.

You were incredibly unlucky. You were incredibly unlucky. All roles are at disadvantage, and so are any allies within 20 feet of you. Let's all stay together. I suddenly feel very unlawful. You're incredibly unlucky. All roles are at disadvantage, and so are any allies within 20 feet of you. Oh, hold on.

I'm just examining myself in the mirror. And I look down, I step over. Is that a crack? Ma chuckled. Ma chuckled. Are you okay? You call out on your, you call out on your Rocky Talkie to Ma Chuckles and you hear back, Chuckles!

I fell down at the poor rock. I fell down the stairs. Oh, well, you need to call the video. My lifeline. You called Dr. Last time you went to the hospital, he gave you your medicine. Be it. Beateries in my smoke detector.

Oh, thank you. No, you got to do that, Ma Chuckles. I can't. My back is broken. It might be the German monoxide. Don't take it nap. I'm having the hard time. It's filled with confetti.

No. Tormec doesn't want to alarm you, but the number one cause of death over 40 is accidents. You failed to step to avoid a crap? That's very naughty. Bitsy, are you feeling all right? You look at Bitsy and where Bitsy had been there is now a gnome. A male gnome with a big white beard, dressed all in red, very chunky, very jolly, but looking perturbed at everyone that he sees.

I'm proud to be like this. Have it all out there. It means that, you know, I'm confident in myself. You are exposing yourselves to children. That's very, don't think. Well, it's natural. And it's definitely not just an exhibitionist kink, I swear. Guys, let's go to the display through this track.

We should go not to the ice rink where there'll certainly be a number of children. Do you think that the children have 20 or fewer hit boy? Oh, well, certainly. Why would you ask that? You're going on the Nautilus the second time. Do you think the children also have bones? I don't know of a child who had. What are you talking about children bones? You're going on the list. If I take those glasses off, will you die? I don't think so. Why would you ask that you're going on the naughty list?

Wait, that's a very violent thing to ask. Dungeon Mistress. Yeah. If there is a spell that I get from my scroll that I need to take time to do, do I'm able to, like, cast it in, like I don't have to take the long time to do. What is the spell?

It would, like, take it, like, 24 hours to cast. What is the spell? I mean, it's... I know what it is. I just start building a snowman. Is it any lacrum? Yeah. Yeah, that's fine.

Oh, no. Oh, of course, there's a limitless amount of snow around us. How serendipant is. I know, do you want to build a snowman? He's probably going to be a clown. I'm going to do it, even if you guys don't want to build a snowman. Oh, Dormac will help. Oh, yeah.

No, we got some cold pieces. for buttons. Did anyone have any carrots? Why would he have a carrot? Doesn't he have a carrot? Oh, is it a corn? No, I know. I need a pomegranate, obviously. Have you ever been a clown before, idiot? Oh, because he's a clown.

I suppose that depends on where you put the carrot. I'm going on the nautilus. Anyone have a pomegranate? It's about... Gather around, I need pome. It's about this time that you see a small female gnome with curly red hair as she runs up to you. She is dressed in a cute green holiday dress.

She has a sprig of Holly in her bright red hair. Her green eyes are piercing and joyous. But she looks tired as she catches her breath and she looks up at all of you. Um, are you available to help? Help with what? Sure. There's a rogue reindeer at the reindeer rides.

Children have been hurt. Oh, we'll put him down, don't you worry? He's out very darky. We'll put him down right away. Not the children. Elid miser is stupt said the overall mood of the carnival has plummeted, and it's possible that Griller will make her way here to steal more children. Oh, is a phobia of gorillas.

And then the winter queen might not come. Are any of the children not savable? No, I would hope no. No, please. Oh, so we're not too late. I have a question. What's the reward for saving the children? Nothing, I'm simply asking for help.

Come along. It's a nice thing to do. I want the parents could throw in a few gold pieces. Oh, no, we'll do it for a pomegranate. Do you got a pomegranate? I don't. I'm simply asking you to know. I guess I can't calf my powerful magic. What is wrong with you?

You're all so rude. I'll have you all roll on the naughty list. We're gonna cut to five minutes from now and Torbeck finds an alive child who's only mildly injured. And he's gonna be like, oh, time to die. Tjorda got a natural one. You're incredibly unlucky and all roles are disadvantaged and so are any hours within 20 feet of you.

supposed to roll that one probably in disadvantage, but it didn't matter. Oh, wait. Oh, go now, brother. Go now, brother. Go now. Yeah, well, you did, it's an natural box. It doesn't matter. I got an eight again, so I should reroll?

Unless I'm double old. Yes, you should. Seven. I got a two. 19. 19. Who is the look around? Pick one of them. What's the context?

Just pick one of them. Roll a dime. No, just pick them. Torbeck. You fall madly in love with Torbeck. Torbeck's lucky. What did you get two? Oh, I got a two.

Everyone around you looks like candy and you have a sweet tooth. Oh, my chuckle of me, she left and be. You are overcome with psychedelic hallucinations. Always said. said, always said that my teeth would rot if I kept eating so much. It can't be. Oh. If you want to point us in the direction of all the delectable humans or funnel cake, that would be fine.

Oh, or gingerbread. As I said, they're over where the reindeer eyes are. Well, point the direction and make your eyes, regular eyes. Your eyes are enormous. Strait them immediately. Get the size of them. They're going to bust out of your head. How are you?

You look as if you are an enchanting creature. It's as if the angels themselves planted you and you grew from a sour patch. That's really sweet of you to say, but the children. Can I just get a little bit of a nibble? I know. Where are the delectable children? Oh, where are the children? How many children?

Do I know the way? Look, do they have 20? We've got to go immediately. They're bald. I will follow you, Chuckle. And I literally roll like a fucking cube. I'll take all back to Chuck. We go in whatever direction. Chuckles is going in, assuming he knows where the chunker are.

We assume that. Bissing that. For fucking dead. Crank my handle. And that you make your way to where the reindeer rides would be and it is madness. There are people screaming and running this way and that.

It doesn't look like anyone is hurt, but you see off to one side that there are about five reindeer that are attached to sleigh that are clearly scared and up against a line of fir trees. As one reindeer, far larger than the others, a bright red nose,

is digging his hooves into the ground and snorting. He's clearly gone feral. You are looking at this thing, as it moves towards children and chomps its jaws at them, it looks like at any moment it could attack. Very naughty reindeer.

Thank you, Rolling Spheres. as you look and you see that you are up against Rudolph the Red. Oh, he's a communist, get him. Oh, no! Oh, no! Prepare to die, beef! Chichu!

Chichu! Wait up, can I ice you something. Oh, look at the delicious Ulog. What did you want, Captain? What do you do after this, you know? Are you busy? I don't know. I was going to probably add back to the dumpster. Now, what, is this cool kind of indie, like, old rock band playing?

It's kind of an unknown garage show. It's kind of cool, all the cool cats are coming. You know, if you want to come. Torbeck would love that. Oh, without a scrape. If we're lucky, maybe Torbeck can bring some human bones along to the show for a snack. We could see if there's against the rules. Okay, lovebirds, kidding.

We're trying to get us coming. Let's go. We're being stopped by reindeer. Oh, please. Stop talking. I can feel my bones being crushed. Can I get your walkie-talkie runes? Yeah, no one's ever asked me for that before.

Very funny. Very funny. Yeah, I'll just put it in there. I'll let you do it yet. Yeah, I'll make sure you message to make sure it goes to the right. Oh, this is getting too real. I don't know. I'll just say.

That age, please see with a little crocodile. Oh, yeah, I got it. Totally got it. During the next break, we have to hear your voicemail. I race towards the naughty, naughty reindeer trying to prevent. Yeah, yeah. Do I have an opportunity to do something?

He is bearing down, and you, what do you want to do? Stop my naughty reindeer, stop! Or I will punch you in the jar, so I will stop molesting these children. That's all you're gonna do? Yeah. He's going to make an attack. Oh! On the children?

No. On the freeze. Oh, no, go for the kids. Tenderize them. And I need you all to roll initiative. Oh, at disadvantage. Disadvantage. You're all within 20.

Oh, wow. Big fucking money. 1820. That's what he got too. I got an 1820. Nice. It's almost like it's 2018 again. It is 2018 again.

Tenderize their bones. Let's all sit back for three rounds. What's your initiative? Plus five because I'm a rogue. Oh shit, so we're going to have a roll off because mine is also plus five. All right, unless you want to go first. No, I'll let you go first.

Unless you want to go first. I'll go first if you want me to go first. Let's have a roll off. I don't think I have, I got a roll very low. I got a four. You have the roll disadvantaged. So just figure out what minis you want to use and then just put something down for...

Oh, do you have the key? a large beast. Can you me a cube? A cube? One of the wooden cubes? One of the wooden cubes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we need something for Rudolph.

Rudolph the Red. Oh, the Wendigo is perfect. Yikes attack. What do you know, Balcham? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, someone already said the first witch-like combat and mace isn't here. It's true.

Yeah. It is true. It is true. Dun-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So give me Briggs. Oh, if it hasn't taken a turn in the current combat. Sneak attack, though, I only treat your sneak attack. Like, I don't have the dual sneak attack now.

I have to have, hmm. You could be unseen, so you can bonus action, hide, and then do it. If I have advantage on the attack, those kids are going to sleep in an heavenly peace, that's for sure. That's incredible. Oh my shit, that's good.

The amount of extra damage increase. So, I've decided, prize attack. Fibzi looks like this. Oh, and he's literally a rat guy. It's perfect. And then that's the stormback, and then you remember it. Oh, pretty. Yeah, so.

We need chuckles. We need chuckles. He's a cube. No, no, no. Oh. Juckles is a cube. That's amazing. That's brilliant.

That's very smart. Here's the Wendigo. Oh. Are we actually doing that? Yeah, we're using that. I'm into it. I'm very careful with his horns. I'm not even going to touch him.

If you're fine with that. So am I Gideon for the sake of this? Oh, fuck, yeah. So yeah, you'll be Gideon, everyone will be themselves. So I think it's Derek than me. I don't know if anybody got higher than us. Okay, 20 to 25. We both got 25, but Derek beat me on the rules.

Okay, so it will be Frost and then Gideon. Perfect. And then it is going to be Meanlock. And then Crummy, what did you get? 14. And so that'll be crummy and then Grico. It's Briggs. Yes, but I'm using your initiative cards.

So shut up. But Rudolph the Red does get a surprise round. And you watch as Bitsy in this jolly gnome form that she has taken walks up to Rudolph the Red and attempts to dismay him from his rampage, his rampage of Carnage. He does not seem to be swayed as he charges forward 20 feet towards you to hit you with a ram attack. I need you to make a strength saving throw. Does this count as him getting a turn? Yeah.

Yeah, he's got a surprise round. Bullshit. You know, those other reindeer should. You should have included him in your reindeer game. Now we all suffer. and you're going to do, you're going to take 10 points of Flet damage as you were knocked prone. Oh, no, my dearest.

He is then going to, he is then going to stomp on you with his hooves. Geez. Actually, he's angry. He is going to use his radiant beam from his nose, and you watch his nose, glows bright. Don't roll that beam footage. A beam of fire shoots out from his nose

and a 60 foot line, five feet. Each person in that line must make a dexterity saving throw, please. Oh, no. And you watch, as a handful of people aren't serious. Oh, I, Ruth, off the kids. They're all dead with some of Mickey cookies. He's very not to disintegrated. No!

Dexterity, yes, all of you need to make a dexterity saving. Oh, candy duff. Oh, God, disadvantage? Am I, is there any chance that I'm at a value for? Me? I failed terribly. 13 again. Okay.

Can we use the bonus action to fumble the fact? No. Oh, yes, so it is, it is a free action, but you can only do one per turn to use a present. I got a 12. Okay. I have uncanny Dodge, which I might have to use. I got 12. Okay. What did you get? Chuckles? I got a

seven. Okay, so the three of you fail. And you are going to take... Oh no! All of us take this? Jesus. How is this? 28 points of radiant damage. I'm on Knie Dodgers. In half as much on a successful safe. as the radiant beam from Rudolph the red nose illuminates and you are all,

you are all burned by his heavenly light. Oh, my dog she lives, no! Everyone's not me anyway. To her mix burning hair smells terrible! No, the divine lie. No, if you don't let me, wrong, how long. Sure, okay, hold out.

Oh, never mind. That was just, I didn't take my pills this morning. Oh, God. Or attacks are disadvantaged? It is now Frost's turn, so it is now Bipsey's turn. Okay. I'll stand. Any of you use your whole turn to do that? No, it's but a reaction.

We can do it once per turn. So let's just start ripping guests. The most naughty thing I've ever seen! Because Chad is given us so many. I'm not going to win any bones then. It's such a trade-all. I attack one. with my old man body, but it's actually, mechanically,

it's a flurry of blood. First, you're going to make a constitution saving throw. Rudolph's nose, Rudolph the Red, his nose is blinding. And if you are within 30 feet of it at the start of your turn, you need to make a DC, a constitution saving throw. Okay. Don't forget your disadvantage for everything. Another 20 and 18.

Great. So you will succeed, you are not blinded. Nice. Terrific, I'm not blinded. Get that nose out of my way! And no, I'll attack twice. The first one at disadvantage is a two. I'm sure that that doesn't hit.

And the next one at disadvantage is a 14? That hits. Oh, it's a donkey. Let's go with, I'll roll it first. Let's go with 10 points of bludgeoning damage, and I'm going to put a key point into it to have him Rudolph make a, what is it? What is it?

I don't know how to play a monk anymore because it's been a while. Stunning strike. Yeah, yeah, Constitution saving through a DC 14. He fails. He is now stunned until the end of my next turn. What is stunned do? Advantage?

I wish I knew. That might help. Advantage on attacks, and I think all attacks are crits. No, that's paralyzed, I believe. Paralysis is like a way more. I'll look it up. and let you know. Is that your turn?

And I'm not gonna run away because I'm worried about the nightmare reaction it certainly has, so, very naughty! Oh! And it's like, like freezes up. And that way to get my turn. He watches Rudolph the Red is hit in the chest by this tiny gnome Santa.

And you see as he's digging his claws into the ground and all of a sudden he freezes, as he is stunned in place, his eyes are filled with anger and hate, His nose is still blinding with that light, but he is held in place. Can't move, can only speak falteringly, automatically fail, strengthened, dexterity saving throws,

and attack rolls against the creature have advantage, so it'll be flat if we're within 20 feet. But it will still be a disadvantage because both of you have a natural lives. First thing I'm gonna do is all my turn is rip a gift. Okay. Does it cure me? Well, so it is your turn? Yes.

I'm sorry my turn by ripping hands. Okay, so then they will be, it will be just a base role because because you no longer have of yours. But you were still a sneak attack because he's in five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need you to roll a D20, please.

Andy, it's fine. GIFT. 14. You get a magic item off of Table I. So roll a D100. Yes. Table Eye, two and 52. 52. You get a crystal ball.

Okay, I will add that later. This isn't like Harry Potter, you think of it. I'm gonna use. of legends, snowdown. I'm going to use my turn to rush the creature while it stunned. And what I'm going to do is as I'm approaching, I'm going to dig through

my fuzzy pockets and I'm going to say, oh, thank goodness, this is still here. And I'm going to pull out this horribly elongated rusty shiv that looks like just a nasty piece of junkyard metal, and

it's very diseased. And I'm going to attempt to stab, Rudolph the Red. Okay. What's his name? Rudolph the Red. Okay. Can you be like,

you're fighting Torback and this is, and this is Tennis. I'm gonna attack. I got a natural fucking 20. Wow. Plus eight to hit, but I think we're good. So I'm gonna, this, I'm gonna use my dagger so it's gonna be 2D4 plus plus two, three D6.

So I need, can I borrow 4D6? You can. It's going to be a total of 66. Here, I got you. Thank you. Dormax doing something. He rolled okay. It's not a lot.

Max, there is eight, nine, 10, 11, plus another 11 is 22, plus 15 is 27, plus five is 32. Wow. Yeah, that's really good. Feel the sting of my rusty shit. Oh, yeah.

You do have to make a Constitution saving throw. Okay. And then as I stab him, I go, Ha ha, ha, ha, ha. Constitution saving throw will be at... It's just a normal, because you don't have yours, and he's...

Wait, you're wrong. I'm in within 20 feet. Oh, yeah, yeah, so it's disadvantaged. But I was advantaged on the attack, which is why it was normal. Eight plus con is going to be five before 13. That you succeed. You are not blinded.

Oh, curse you. That's my turn. It is his turn, but he is, it was for this turn, so he is. He's stunned. Yeah, he's stunned, he's done. I'm gonna key. Is he's done over now or is it? No.

At the end of Frost turn. At his turn. Let me have a bit of his turn. Okay. Okay. Cremie. Oh, I'll bet you in initiative. Yeah.

I got a seven. All right. Let's see. Crossroads can forget this out. So add the crystal ball to your list. and I will first give me a present and I want to... A present appears in your hand and your affliction is gone. Oh, did I ever get my present last time?

What? Did I just clear my... I think you never got one. You never roll this. It's just like random chotchkes. Okay, so it's good guy. Roll D20? Yeah.

I didn't have time to make a list of gifts too. No, your boon was that you were advantaged on con saving throws. Oh, you're right. Yeah, okay. Well, no, not advantage. You are... Provisage. Oh, that's better.

Nine. Nine. Nine. Roll on magic item table G, so give me a G100. Oh, baby. Oh, no, Peter Goff. He's being very naughty. That con proficiency is really going to help

when you're about to be blinded by his red nose. Exactly. It's working out. 21. A belt of hill giant strength. Oh! Oh! Look at that.

Oh. I feel like I can lift you over my head. I'm pretty captain. That would be romantic. So the plastic cutlass will appear in my hand with a nice slot. And I'll guess I'll see how this works. And so when something do my hand motions, I'm just going, Oh, is this going to, that's close enough you expect!

And I want to walk up to him. Oh, it's made out of that clear plastic that's like purple and green, so it looks kind of glowing. And I'm going to make two attacks on him. There's a button on your other shoulder where it would. Yeah, it flashed the light. Oh, yeah. The hex motion.

That's so good. I can never read that super literal one. I know. It's very shiny. So one's like a 20-something to hit. The other one is a... 16 net. That hits.

Okay. Nice. One, two, three, four. Make a constitution saving throw for me first. Actually. Oh, first? Yeah, because it happens at the start of your turn, because you might be blinded. I'll roll the one.

You were blinded. So do I roll disadvantage then? Yeah. Yeah. All right, so that was a 17 and a 7 for the first two, but it still hit. How did that hit? It was a 16 total. So I rolled twice, and the lowest one was the 16.

So it's my next attack. One's an actual 20, but the other is a 10, and so. And so I, that is a 19. Both hit. I don't know, let me go. Anyway, I'll see. So the damage is 6, 7,89, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 25.

How do I find my? How much damage do I get from my hex? 1D6. For each one that hits, so it's 2.6. Oh, it's just the crits. Okay, 25, that. Oh. Nice.

Oh, no, no, plus three. So, uh, 31 points in damage. Nice. You, um, you take out your, your gun and you fire off bolts of, um. It's my sword. Oh, it's your sword. Anyway, you, you slice into, you slice into its stomach and the plastic cuts through the, um, the flesh of this beast really easily doing a significant amount of damage.

Um, uh, Rudolph the Red is looking oddly, um, oddly, oddly, uh, for, So quickly, there is a trail of burnt bodies in his wake, but you are felling this beast quite quickly. It's the tetanus. Chuckles. Die, communist, don't. Roll a constitution saving throw for me, please. Oh, am I disadvantaged? Oh. You are.

Yes, but I haven't pulled a gift yet. Yeah. Well, then rip it. He has to do this first. I have to do it for the Constitution. You're bored. Oh, it's a nine! Yeah, you are blinded.

You're looking to put dead lights. Oh. Would you like a present? Oh, I've been a good boy this year. No, you haven't, I haven't written. Oh, it's been very bad chuckles as I rip a present. A roll of you 2040, please. And you feel your boon fade away.

Roll on D100 for table I. 43. Belt of Cloud Giant Strength. I literally balloon up. My eyes are complete white, are white, and I'll hear everything as I will, as the scroll that I had shrivels into fiendish light. I'll be huge, my hand is massive.

And after being blinded, You're still blind. I'll just turn forward as like tiny lip. They're completely white and now tiny little red pupils grow and grow and grow. And you hear as my hand goes bigger and bigger and bigger. And I will say, in death we are one. In death we are strong. In death, we are the whole lead.

And I guess finger of death on it. Fails. How do you do that? It's a serious saving throw. This is a level seven spell you gave me. I thought you were doing simulacrum. No, I wasn't going to be a trick to have him gather all around. I was going to take divine radiance to kill people.

I was going to raise this one. You were baiting us. I was trying to bait. Anyway. That's fine. So finger of death, he fails. That's funny. Buz,

and this is, it crashes in this. It crashes in this. into him and he is going to enjoy 78 plus 30. You completely incinerate Rudolph the red. The smell of burning flesh and hair fills your nostrils as what once has been. What do you mean?

It's not the centigrade. It is like a heart attack. So it crashes and so this could be really cool or not, but basically is this a humanoid kill by the that spelled the rise at the start at the start of your next turn and turns to a zombie, then you're a purse burning undercut. control. I was hoping it would be be a clownification, right?

And it would be like a clown zombie. But that's, you know. He's not a human. Oh, but unfortunately he's just going to kill him. I was going to twin spell and just kill her hand out. But I don't have a sorcery points. Well, unfortunate. Oh, shucks.

Damn. But he, so in this case, he will incinerate and you watch as he completely just blasts into smithereens as chuckles, lets out this. a laser beam of magic. Compared to me, God, I can't go. And you watch as Rudolph the Red

is completely removed from existence. Oh my God, Chuggles, what did you do? I need you all to rule a wisdom saving throw. That was both naughty and nice. Wisdom saving. Oh, you all three. And we're an extra check. No, he was in the package.

He's healed. Oh, let's go. 19. We're all unproficient. Wait, where are we rolling again? Wisdom. With my proficiency. A 16.

Oh, no, it's a 7. 8. A 16. You all fail. Whoa. As in the back of your minds you hear, this is not going to get you much. I am still going to run away with you in Turquine.

You cannot stop Grilla. But there is one fewer communists. We were all going to take, oh my God. Five points of psychic damage. Oh, no, the voices are bad. Oh, no, was that the gorilla on the loose you were trying to steal Groddorbeck's girlfriend. Oh.

Corbeck, let me have one of them presents. All right, here you go. Please roll a D20, and you're no longer Santer. Well, hi, I got another eight. Just roll eight by crazy bow jangles. 100, please. Oh. Guys, I started cross-fif.

I've been really liking it. You guys should come. A ring of spellstorm. Oh, and none of these things need to be attuned. They just automatically attuned to you. Oh, wow, I got a ring. If I knew spells, I'd store them in there, but it's just pretty. It's got candy.

I want to look around at the carnage. You might want to read what your magic item does. It's a legendary item. Yeah, so it says there are variants, and I assume it's just a base one. Oh, yeah, just pick one. Because it just says a typical crystal ball, I can, while touching it, I can gas the scrying spell with it, save DC 17. The other ones are mind-reading televised.

Appetheetra. Come on to be to lump a thing. It's up to you though. Sure. Okay, it's a crystal water. I would like to look around. I have the crystal ball and I like to look around to the carnage and see if I see any human bones. Like any better might be left. You do, but you got rid of your meat for human bones.

There are a ton of human bones. I look around. It says I see if everybody's looking. Torbeck like, like, should I shuffle over like slowly to like where the bones are? I kind of like do this thing where I don't want to bend over all the way. I just kind of like lean over trying to pick up a bone. I need you to roll on an outy list. Hey, Chuck, let's want if we have a quick conversation.

As I pick it aside. As I pick up the bone, I kind of like, ew. I put it back. I don't have a taste more anymore. I got a natural fucking one. Yep, you know what that does. Turbein is feeling unlucky.

As my hand is absolutely massive, despite my massive frame, it's still like smoking with, like, there's still like glitter. or like put of confetti that's falling out, and then it's, and then deflates, and like my finger like drumes down and limps. Oh. Okay.

I still started CrossFit. Anyone want to go get some quinoa? Yvonne checkles just real quick. Oh, yeah, sure. The people around you are panicking. You see some people who are mourning over the loss of their dead friends and family on your old tiny. Oh.

Oh my gosh, is there anybody I can try to heal? Everybody's dead. Did anyone see my like demonic transformation with any child? No, they were all too busy morning the loss of their friends. They were paying. Rob, it's so sad. Those parents lost their child. Yeah, Big V, what are you?

What's to tell me? Well, first is briggs. Oh, I mean, chichin, chichin, chich. And second, you all died. What the fuck, man? What? I'll get a nice, big, cool belt that makes me a little strong. And you've got a way bigger belt that makes you way stronger than me.

Oh, you want to trade? And then I, my whole thing is the gun. You know, voodoo gun, it's got him. I'll catch raise. It's on the box. Well, maybe you should have thought about that before becoming a pirate instead of a clown. And then you put out a gun and do like a way cooler thing? Yeah, no.

If it had killed a humanoid, it would have been risen as my clown minion of the member of the Legion. That's even like a brinkie. I mean, I'm basically 40% zombie. Well, you're not a clown. You're not a clown, which is the kind of, I am reborn. I'm also a zombie. Well, actually, I think we're kind of the same species, technically.

According to the rules, actually. Well, I think that Wizards of the Coast would call that a lineage. Oh, we share the same limine. That's right. So we have separate species. Yours being human, mine being lizard folk at a crocodile. How did you become reborn? You know, stolen.

All around you. Pixies have appeared, Candy Striper Pixies, in holiday attire as they help to remove the dead and to take all of those that are in mourning away to somewhere in the carnival to probably wipe their mind. But for all you know, they're going to be helped and healed. Nothing nefarious at all. And this area begins to calm down a little bit as things are moved back into place. you see that the reindeer's are being pulled back into position to start the ride back up. It's a very odd position that you found yourself in.

And then a hush falls over everyone as the crowd that's kind of standing behind you and watching you a little warily, having seen this clown disintegrate Rudolph the Red. They all part and standing in front of you in what appears to be a A glittery candy cane outfit is someone who could be none other than Light Miser. I had to call him Light Miser. And I just totally forgot what his voice sounds like again. Oh, just quit cramping my style, that's all right. You want this belt?

Oh no, I'm in... Oh, no, my game! Don't patronage me. You can't take it off. Oh, peanut butter! You can't. You can't train your gifts. Your gifts are yours and yours alone. Oh, this is all Maddie, bro. Just eat a Natty lifestyle.

I need you to roll in the non-y table. Oh, fuck. Let's get back to the group. We'll continue on with the three. Wait, I was just going to say how I was reborn. Do you want to roll again? Yeah, I would love to. Just kidding. Oh, another three. Oh, so you got a three. Yeah. And then a natural 20. You develop an appetite for human bones. Nothing is true. Oh, no, I haven't taken my thrill, George. Oh, you were telling me how you became reborn?

Oh, yeah, no, the leader of the church had me drink this icker, and then we all died and were reborn, and I thought of, you know, that's the whole problem, it's the whole thing. It's not right. What did I forget? My body stopped, one cell at a time, but my brain kept firing those neurons. Little lightning bolts, like fireworks inside, and I thought, I despair, afraid, but I didn't feel any of that.

None of it. Because I'm too busy. I'm too busy in the moment, remembering. Of course, I remember that every atom in my body was forged in the star. There's a lot more of this monologue. Can I turn off the show? You just closed the box.

Yeah, I just closed the box. I pull my tail. To improve your posture, pretend that you're shooting lasers out of your nipples and try and shoot people in the head. Oh, sorry. Astor, I would re- You hear a voice.

I don't think that's going to help anybody. But you sure have helped me. I am Lightmiser, and I'm one of the Witchlight Carnival owners. Oh. Well, hi, Mr. Lightmiser. I'm tickle me Torback. Do you want to try?

Actually, I would. No. He starts to tickle you. Oh. I like this learned. Oh, that was pleasant. I'm a poorback love you. Chichunk.

I'm babbling Bidsey. It's nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you too, Bitsy. You can pull my tail and make me babble. Oh, I would love to do that. He pulls your tail. If you buy a bigger bed, you have more bedroom,

but less bedroom. I have never had something so wise in my entire life. Yeah, and that's rocks. I have 14 points of articulation. That designation for you. He looks at both of your hands like this. Oh! Yeah, I got a removable chunk, TM.

Oh. I'm chuckled in the buff. What's your favorite animal? I don't have one. What? Everyone's the favorite animals. Well, I normally would, but I don't have the time to have one now. Okay, poodle, fine.

Do you want to put it out me chunk? I would really like it if we'd all pay attention so we can finish this one shot. It's removable. Oh, all right. Oh, look, it fell out. See my ribs? Okay, I'll put it back in.

They're going on the dark. If we could all move over to the side, I'd like to have a quick conversation with it. Okay. Were we fighting on the ice, Frank? No, you were fighting at the, the rainier rise. And he motions you off towards the side. You've done me a great service today.

I fear the Winter Queen might not show up for the crowning. Yes, and also I think there's gonna be a gorilla. I've never seen the gorilla before. You're all on the naughty table. Oh, they actually have lots of guerrillas at the circuses that I've worked at. They're very scary. Oh, natural fucking 20. You turn into a snowman and begin to melt. Oh.

Oh, he needs a brisk ice tea. Okay. Oh, she walked, duh. It's like death. I think Bits he's gonna die. Oh, no. I think he's gonna die. ate some Campbell's food. Oh, it's going to be a child underneath all that snow, probably.

Oh, come on, Biffie. Uh-oh. Biffy, rides and shine from the puddle that you've made. Oh, no. Biffy. Oh, I mean, she's dead.

What's my voice again? Oh, there it is. We're walking in the air. Mr. Light leaves. No, Mr. Light, he was a poodle. What's up? How can we help you? Despite there being a gorilla, we want to help.

Chichunk, to chichunk, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, chich, and what's the room? Man, Light Miser was really not a nice guy. I wonder if it's on account of us being man-eating cannibal. Junkles. Can I run after him? He doesn't actually leave. He patiently waits, tapping his foot for you guys to get your shit together. A little voice told me you like tigers, though.

I'll give it. Oh, a little bit of extra down here. But that is one thick tiger. Oh, yeah. I should feed it a cupcake. Yeah, you should probably should. Oh, our friend just died. You transformed into a talking puddle.

You've also become reborn. What? I have. Compelled to give very overly long, terribly written monologue that the camera very slowly zoomed in on your face. I don't know, what are you talking about? What's you talking about? She just made a perfect example of how energy never dies.

It just changes. Yeah. The electron. of my body mingle and damped with the electrons of the ground below me and the air I'm no longer breathing. And I remember, there is no point where any of that end than I begin. I remember I am energy, not a memory, not self. My name juggles, my personality, my choices all came after me. I was before the...

CrossFit and Reddit? I'm gonna cringe, I do, make. I don't know. Dormick can get muscles like chuckles, he might sign up for CrossFit. I hear that all the ladies really like muscles and CrossFit guys. Well, I mean, if they keep making monologues like that, it's not for long. It's maybe for the first 30 seconds, and then they start talking about electrons and shit. Can somebody like empty out?

I need you all to roll in the naughty list. I need no, no, for the presents for me. 11 for him, a 10 for me. Okay, Derek. Seven. Do you still have enough left? Huh? I am shaking stock, thank you very much.

Oh, God. Can you roll? No. Huh? That's fine. I'll take it. Nope, you're a disadvantage. Okay.

Everybody's disadvantaged. Seven. Seven. You pick somebody. Chuckles. You fall madly in love with chuckles. Oh, me. You have a ten and the pot of

that was formerly known as Bipzig. Roll a D4 for me, please. A D4, oh. A four. You become a winter alladron. You got an 11. He got an 11. I need you all to roll a D4 for me, please.

Oh, all of us? Oh, no. Three. I got a four. A D4 for Bitsy is one. Three. Can you... You got a three?

So you re-roll. Also, I get a two. Well, you can get a two or, uh... That's it. Yeah, you can get a two. I get a two. Um, so, uh, chuckles, you swap bodies with, uh, Briggsie.

Oh. Um, Bitsy, you swap bodies with, Chuckles? I mean, he has that work. What do you mean? So he gets Briggsie, he gets chuckles. Okay, so that I'm a puddle? Yes, you're a puddle.

I'm a puddle. I'm a puddle. You're a puddle. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Are you wearing any socks right now? Oh. If you're asking me,

Chuckles, I'm not wearing anything. Oh, you should see the size of my socks. No, I'm not Chuckles, I'm Briggsie. Oh, just when Chuckles couldn't get any more beautiful. Jacketbox now, right? Am I not chuckle? No. You were one, right?

Yeah. Yeah, so you are your Chuckles. So I'm in... No, I'm in Chuckles. Bitsy's soul in... No, you were three. You're Briggsy. Now, I'm Briggs.

You're Briggs because of the way that the Slop Bing is a Matrix. He is Chuckles, but is actually a Winter Latternitran. I'm a Pottle. He's a Pottle, and you're Briggs. Yeah. Oh, well, what's all this then? I don't accept anything like this.

Just, oh, oi, oi, oi, just when I thought, me, chunk, chuckles couldn't get any more attractive. Now I get you show off how cool this is. Look, he's just, long. Thank you for the two more, naughtyless. Thank you. Thank you. I could have done it. Well, I guess this is what the other side of being an empty Capri fun is. You sound like Bidsey.

Oh, I feel like this is the other side of being an empty Capri Sun is. Oh. You know, Chockels, I was saving this for Briggsie later. But tickle me Tormack's special spot as his nipples if you want to try. I told you, I'm Briggsie. He's a mean, she's chuckles. Oh, you cool, thank you. Oh, my churkees?

You can delete my number. Oh, no. I would never. And it's like a drop of the water falling back into the ocean of which has always been poor. Is there gonna come a moment when you wanna find out how to deal with what's going on? Yes, I could have been present

on the fucking bag. Give me a present. It just automatically shows up. I'm busy in it. It's nice. I'm busy. Oh, but I can see a chunk. Are we both bracy now?

Yeah, yeah, you would be. Oh. If I'm me, we do the Spider-Man. I know you. Yeah, exactly. Oh, what's that nice? Oh, look at how nice and articulated the chunk looks. You know what I mean?

You can obviously see the seam in there when it's in there, but you remove it and there's some ribs and some red flesh. You worry, chuckles. What happened to my beloved? Oh, yeah, he's gone. No, I usually sit, but I get something to put on the water. You're not. Secret knife of chuckoo.

No, you're just a bottle. Oh, am I? Yeah. Well, no, man. Everyone called me that in school. That's why I became a clown. It's too bad to be a puddle, isn't it? In it?

Yeah, it is. Sad, in it. It's sad, in it. Oh, he's simple ass. Hey, bro. Oh, bro. Oh, bro. I love one is a ring somewhere.

Oh, I like a nice fishing chips. Hey, bottom of a breezy, say Henry Eggins for me. Henry Eggins. Oh, it's fucking terrible. Try to say bottle of water. Bottle of water. Oh, that way, sure. It's a bottle of water.

Come on, you dummy. I can't even come close to this point. You know, it's very offensive. Offensive, in it. Offensive. In it. Give you run a fucking present. You do.

You roll a D20 for your present. Oh, did you roll a D20 for your present? I don't think you did. I did not. Because someone, please. We already discovered that that doesn't work. Puddle that's masquerading as my love. I'll roll a D-100 for me.

42. You get something from Table H. I need a present. You get 42. Give me a present. You get a staff. There's like a watery tongue, 10. What did you get?

Nine. Oh, you get Table G, D-100. I want a staff. Oh, why do you still sound like that? like me. You get a figurine of wonder's power, the serpentine owl. Oh, jive, don't forget. Wait, no, no, no, no, you rolled an eight.

I rode an eight. You get a plus two weapon. Who needs this fucking friend? Oh, oh, blue, good. Oh, no, you're going to look at all sore. Your weapon becomes plus two. Oh, hey. Oh, hey.

Who is the heavy crossbow? Hey, who was the place, you, prison? Oh, no, I, I stood a. I just put out on my carry just on the tear. I just gingerly walk over. Don't stay. Be careful where you stare. Oh. And I just set the phone. Be careful. Oh.

I set the present on your face. Oh. This is disturbing even torment. The carrot starts to like move around. It immediately stop being whatever the fuck you are. Please roll a D20. It's literally just like, hole in the puddle moving around lies and then the carrot is like,

this disgusts and arouses doorbag. I have a lot of regrets, Chad. I have a lot of regrets. I told Rich, I don't know if Chuckles is a good idea. I was trying to get cross to not play Mitzie into my Caprice. I, oh. There is no time. There is no death.

Guys, I got a staff of Frost. Oh, chuckles, my love, you are back. I'm back. A D20, please. A D20? Yeah. Oh my. A natural 20.

Oh. I am a gone. A natural 20, you said. I am all of it. I am everything. I am all. I am that I am. As you obtain the ability to cast wish.

Oh, shit. This is a one per campaign ability. You can only use one wish. And if anyone gets a natural 20 again, they have to re-roll. Wow. I am that I am. Someone wrote that shit.

While you are contemplating your newfound godhood, you just feel a fuzzy hand on your crank. We are. I am the Honk Legion. You're so muscular and veiny. Uh-oh. Chaggles. You're so muscular and veiny.

Oh, there's a lot of veins on my top. Are you sure you're nanny? Yeah, no, of course I am. I have to skip leg days on account of not having any legs. Oh, actually, no, look at the veins on my spring. Oh. I'm stressing my spring right now. right now. Mr. White, Mr. Lightmiser, how can we help you?

My band, my crew, we, for a small price, we will aid you in your troubles. We'll be able to help. I got a staff of fraud. Did you say for a small price? For just a very small price. Roll on a 90. Oh, it's not that unreasonable to ask for compensation. I got a staff of frost, everybody. Oh, fuck, free.

You don't you want to eat bones. A little bit of a tape for you bones. Why is it? What's doing that one? Now I'll come I get what you guys are talking.

Yeah, no. I mean, they're kind of taped you, right? Well, Torbeck has a confession. Shortly after the reindeer fight, Torbeck tasted a human bone, and it was not nice, and it will forever scar him. Oh, I forgot to roll my magic,

My wild magic roll. That's okay, you don't have to do that. I don't know. What race are you? Are you a human? Mr. Light? No. He's Shatter Kai. Oh, yeah, he's Shadow Kai.

Oh, never mind. Anyway, what can we do for you? Well, you see, I'm afraid that the Winter Queen is not going to show up tonight. As, I hate to tell you this, but Grilla. Hi, miss. Best friends,

Crammy has a circus, and he has a manure gorilla. No, I bet I could beat up on a gorilla now. Look at my gorilla muffled. Look at my stag. I can't. It's on my Donkey Kong, fella. Yeah.

Yeah. What's my voice again? It's not that. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. It's sad in it.

It'll help. Unfat. Oh, that's sadden. Oh, there you go. You're bad. Skelethke. Oh. So this grilla character, she's real nausea.

And she- Oh. Rila. It's probably actually how it's pronounced as Gryla. How do they pronounce it in God of war? Let if no. I do. I do have regrets. I have a lot of regrets.

I should just dance old. I'm just kidding. Oh, and Regings. There we go. It's old Natty. I'm all filled up. Well, we can take care of this grilla for you. Yeah.

We'll help you, Mr. Whitelight Miser. Will you sing as the jump? Rich, keep your shit together. We'll get her. No, we will. We will. Will you and Mr. Wichemeyer sing us a nice song if we do it? Yeah, we'll be sure to take down this Magyla Giroila.

Oh, yeah. We got a gorilla for sale. We got a gorilla for sale. We got a gorilla for sale. We got a gorilla for sale. Remember that, boomers? It is very important. I can't even do his voice.

No, that was it. It is very important that the Winter Queen makes her appearance. Without our magical blessing, we will not be able to pick up and leave from this place. In the Wittlerike Carnival will be doomed to drown in the snow forever. That I sound good. Oh, no. And unfortunately, it looks like Gryla has, with the death of this creature,

it was the third death of a strange creature, and the Witch-like Carnival today. First, there was a band of five rogue gingerbread men that you would have foughten. You would have fought. We would have fought. of them. You fought them. I cut them out. Can we just hand wave it and say we did that?

And then you would have gone to the winter forest and you would have fought a rogue Christmas tree, but I cut him too. Oh, that's show pretty fun. That's how we go fun. I bet he could whip balls at us. You can't make such as shit like this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mr. You want to whipped balls at you.

Yeah. Yeah, he probably had like a thing. tentacle attack, it's like Christmas tree lights and wrapping all up. But it's cut. This tinsel and balls have been cut. Oh, not the balls. And it was with this final death. She planted them here.

He was with their death and all the children she's killed over the course of the past seven days. That she's been able to summon the crampus. Oh, no. Oh, what's that? That happens to me once a month. I was going to say something about crampus in my pants. Uh, Binty beat me to it. Hers was funnier.

I like to remind Brise a Nick to cut that joke. Damn. Who brings the wreck in the future? Hey, he's been chuckled from the pad. Cut that, cut that, cut that. Who's crampus? What's the crampus? He's not scary.

Is he scary than gorilla if they fought, which one would win? Would you rather fight one crampus-sized gorilla or 50 gorilla-sized crampuses? Is it cramping? I didn't hold on the naughty table every single one at all. Got my naughty lift right. I got a 14. Oh, what did I get?

You said you got a 16? You got a 16. Your nose becomes a floppy. penis. Not done. You don't notice any change yourself. Oh, Captain, what's going on with your face? Captain, look at you.

I don't know what you mean. Oh, a big what? Just more nose, my regular crocodile nose. I got a 15 or a 16. You got a, well, yeah, we're not going to do another 16. You got a 15? Oh, 15, yeah, that's what it's that. Oh, but let's do yours first.

14. Your entire mouth is nom. You can't stop. drooling. Oh, my God. Oh, Rebecca's scared. And Mike, I'm sorry, this is a really, really bad one.

You immediately die. And roll on the reincarnation table. No. You've descended one? Sure. Oh, he said it one? Yeah. Oh, that's so good. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Slots with a big thing. Oh, yeah. All that D20. Let's get back in the character. Let's do it. Let's do it. Do I have to do it with my mouth numb?

Yes. Yeah. We have to do with all of our things. Thank you so much, Sloth. Seriously. You are unbelievable. It's an eight. It's an eight.

Did we do eight already check? What is the- I don't believe so, but I'm checking right now. Right now. Oh, holy night. Oh, perfect. Perfect. Can't wait.

Oh, that's my current. Oh, the P. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Okay. You guys are ready to get back into this? Let's do you. You're watching Legends of Evantris, and this is T'was a Night Before Witchlight. Full Metal Alchemist.

Full metal jacket. Can I have the pencil? Yeah. This is Legends of Avantress on Nickelodeon, and you're watching Once Upon a... No, what is it? Twos the Night Before Witchlight. I have to draw what? A foot?

Those toes are awfully detailed. Oh. Wait, I need a ketchup? Okay. Okay. Okay, Dan. Man, I... Um...

So you don't say, Oh, my goodness, you have a penis. No. It's just all the acid. Mr. Lai-R-R-Hibnishol and I don't understand. Anyway... What happened in the jac-chukle? I don't...

Nogun the Nog. You can't, what? It's just a work of grala, isn't it? Forebeck, are you okay? I'm saying he might be. He might be the final ritual in her plan to summon Cranpus. Oh, no.

Oh, God, well, we hardly knew him at all. Why is there a penis jiggling around on your face? It's not a penis jiggling around on my face. I'm currently watching it jiggle around on your face. I'm made of like a top of, like, silicone, I guess, maybe. I'm currently watching it jiggle on your face. What the fuck? What the fuck?

As all of the acid and flesh are just as it grows to about like five feet tall. And suddenly dark black feathers grow all over me. It's like a long beak and I'm wearing a full clown outfit. What are you doing that long? Bees of that dead. Dumpfired a clown dog. There's a penis flapping on my nose, on your nose. No, he said that too, but...

What are you? What are you? On me, what are you? What are me? I don't know what you are. I was pretty good. Our friend is... Look at what's happening. I got a staff of Frost.

I know a guy named Frost once. I got a friend. Man. Jesus, this is getting an Eldridge. Sleeping a Kenku. That is. I want to roll a Kanku character now. But as a Kekin, you have a Rolodex memory of all of the...

Yeah, it's a photograph, or not photographic, but yeah. What is it called? Did it. Did it. Anyway, please continue. Mr. Knight, you said you need help with, uh... What's the name again? No, he's growing up.

Biffy. I'm gonna eat. Yikes. Why are you doing? Fuck off. That's big cute shit that you have to do it and make that word. All my hands are running at Full tail chat.

If you're ready to watch me, my blood starts coming out of any of my orifices, let's pause. Keep going, actually. Um, I'm sorry, what's your question? I'm really distracted by the penis flopping around in his face. The hallback is bill. though. It is some kind of grime. Feel free to cut it off me, but I don't think I want to go anywhere

near it. And that's a first for me. I don't want to go anywhere near Groyla. I need you to roll in on a table. Oh no. Oh, no. It's why human bones can. Can you roll a D4 for me, please? D4. That's when I'm a Viking 3. You are a summer. You turn into a summer alarm. Oh, totally, yeah, all right. All right. Does anybody have any human bones? I was really craving, like, some human bones, you know?

What happened to human bones? Dude, you're just messing with my vibe. My vibe is made. I feel different. Is it just me, or did your nose get, like, more rubbery after he made that comment about your nose? I don't really know what you all are talking about. I mean, I'd like to help you. I mean, uh, uh, Gryla.

He looks out of it. He looks out of all of you. He kind of waits for many. You mean grilla? No, I'm just kidding. Um, yes. She is a large, gigantus. Giantus, gigantus, gigantus,

Gigantus. Bithicus. Don't know can't interrupt. She's got a husband. Gigantus. Oh, Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score. I'm willing to help.

Just tell us where this grilla is and we'll be able to take them out. Grilla's far outside of the witchlight carnival. She lives in a cave out in the mountains. We'll go. Cave. Inven a telephone spell to give him. It's not going to get there on every place. This is never gonna happen.

It's not Cryla that I'm wanting you to destroy. Oh. Not Clampus. Oh. Cranpus. Finally, some of the fucking Cranpins. Cramus. What he said, yeah.

What he said, yeah. Crampus is a horrifying creature. He is the epitome of evil and naughty this time of year. And my fear is that Gryla is going to try and use him to get to the Winter Queen. This crampus entity has been summoned inside of the ice castle at the very heart of the witchlight connoble. I don't, I'm seeing what happened here was all of the dead. We've blocked off the witchlight castle.

And I would ask that you make your way there and destroy the crampus. and allow for the Winter Queen to make her way into the witch-like carnival and we can all finish celebrate. Mr. Ladmas, we'll go to the... I cast her. Oh, totally. We'll do it. But unrelated, do it.

Do you happen to have any human bones? He looks around at the human bones still scattered on the ground that are still being picked up. Human bones? Oh, human bones. Thanks, Mr. Lightmiser. Thanks, strangely covered feathered chuckles.

Chuckles. And it is around this time as you pick up the bone that a... Me, chuckles. Chuckles. Chuckles. Then. Sing this. Oh, we have to sing a song.

You feel the need to sing, oh, holy night. Oh. Oh. Good luck. Mike, you're gonna have to sing every word after someone else. Oh, yeah. That's a human, buh. We're not done.

Oh, oh. Done, Max. Thank you. You were a little out of time. Me, circle, like, fall on your knees. Like, fall on your knees.

Rubberous, rubbery. Crampus, ice castle. Take a presence of you all stop looking at me, weird. I'll take a present too, that'd be fine. Don't want the present. You got a full sack. Just go rustling around in there. You open a present?

I would like to, you. D20, please. I'll open a present as well. Okay, all three of you are opening presents. If they're available. Nine. I'll take one. Nine.

But again, more Eldrich Magic. Um, uh, rolling D100 for me. 67. Right. Table G. 67, you say? You get a ring of free action.

Ooh. What did you get? One. You get a one. Add one to any stat of your choice. I'll take one. So like if your strength is 10, it would now be 11. That's good.

19. 19. You gain one free natural 20. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. 11. 11.

Um, add you 100. 304. You gained a cloak of elven kind. Totally. Totally. I want you back to Chuckles. It's a great question. So what was, what were your,

do you have anything else? I feel like the, no, that one, that one cannot be undone. Because I'm so Chuckles, but I was literally, I was literally reincarnated. Yeah, you died. That's why I said there was, There were some things on the Nautilus

that are really fucked up. That was one of them. Oh, I got this nice, Philvenkind clout. Torbeck is covered in drool. That's always been true. We spring to the ice castle. Let's go, fellas. The cramp is covered in droll.

He will be when I'm done with him. Let's go take care of this crampus, and then we can celebrate and maybe getting some of the rides. He will be. Ice Castle. We make her wet. Mr. Light wishes you good luck, and he tells you that the overall joy at the carnival

has plummeted with the death of so many and his civilians. Understandable. And also just looking at our general behavior of appearance. He feels the only way to save the night and allow the Witchlight Carnival to move on from this plane is not even this plane from you were in Mamute is where he tells us.

you that the carnival has been set up. And the only way for it to leave from this place and make its natural movements is to gain the blessing of the winter queen. And that he believes that she can feel her presence here, but that it seems like the crampus has already gotten its claws into her. And so you need to make your way into the castle. He gives you directions on how to get there. And it is quick for you to make your way through the carnival. But you do feel the, yeah, you do feel the powers of magic. Once again, Asalia, I want you all to roll on the naughty list. I use, before that happens, my proficiency with cartographers' tools to create an extremely

accurate map. Yeah, it's extremely accurate, but where you put the We Are Here is very wrong. It's on my character sheet. Oh, I got it to the castle was right there. I got a 10. It can't meet it. Sorry, roll up. I got a 10, too. No.

I got my team. Each of you roll a D4 frame, please. Have we seen a 19? I don't know. I got a one. I got a four. You are, Richie, you are a winter Eladron. And you are a spring Eladron.

Oh, what's Spring Aladron? It's up to you. We rolled Blake them as a pervert. Yeah. Did you like a sex pass? Give me a voice. Give me like something. Give me like...

He did Bob Ross. Yeah. That's nice. And love is easy to love. You can do like a New Yorker like, no, this is good, you know. Hey Peter, this looked like a cue to you. What did you get?

18. Okay, and then we got a 19. I got a 19. You chuckles are overcome by psychedelic hallucinations. Oh, good. And you, Derek, have become a proud nudist. Oh, shit. Oh shit.

Who bitchy or bits are out? Oh, that's why they call me bits in. Me? Juckles. Jocles, I mean. Juckles. You all right in Jockel? Me?

Crampas. No, you're not crampus. Me. Ice Castle. No, you're not the ice castle. You, Chuckles. Me? Not the ice castle?

Well, tour back for me. one say, I, Torbeck has never been happier to be more eloquent than Torbeck is now and Torbeck thinks Bitsy is looking fine. Well, thanks, I guess. Don't ever change, Bitsy. Don't ever change. I mean, I've been changing a lot in the last hour.

Have you seen all the crazy shit that's been going on? Well, whatever you do, don't put any clothes on. I just swallowed like an eight-inch bone back then. I got a 20 incher for you if you want to try later. Wow. That's a lot of bone. I'm not hungry for bone-nickers right now. It's extremely large.

I'm hungry for bone right now. Well, you've come to the right place, Chuckles. You've come to the right place. Human bone right now. You're Chuckles. You got that straight? Me, Chuckles. Yeah.

Torbeck. I think Torbeck thinks maybe we should just hang out here for a little while. Me. Guerrilla. Just, you know, get your paws off, Matt. To delete my number. But Briggsie, I'm surprised you put your clothes back on. I did, because it's degenerate.

You can take them off. And you notice as you walk into this ice castle that it is freezing in here. You are absolutely freezing. Well, it's a good thing that I've got this. Did anyone else's... Staff of frost? Nipples get a little erect? No, you freak.

Torbeck thinks it's a bit nipply. I'm a key of ice and frost. This is fucking loving. Well, I'd give you this staff, but it gives me cold resistance, so I'm going to hang on to it. I'm surrounded by pervert. An ice king, you say.

Yes. Your nipples must all. always be like icicles. No, because I have resistance. Torback, pervert. Yes, that's what I'm saying. That's a little harsh, don't you think? I'm chuckles.

Yes, I'm chuckles. I don't know why I decided to become a nudist this moment, because it's very cold. I think I could probably cut through that ice castle with my nipples. It's really cool. Ice castle. Roll on the naughty list one more time.

All of us? That's the last of my. I. Torbeck. truly, truly is naughty. Fifteen. I got a 20. Is there any that we've missed?

You turned to a snowman and begin to melt. What did you get? 15. Is there any that we've missed? Is my question? You immediately died. On the reincarnation table. Oh, no,

not the beautiful nudist. Anything but the beautiful nudist. This is what you get. They shake here on your palms, but this is what really happens. Gone to soon, she was so beautiful. The universe is remixing itself again.

We're floating in the sky, the people far below are sleeping as we fly. Oh, God. I got the 17. You did. You're turning to the feral tobacco and you feel the need to mark your territory. Oh.

And you just get more prefer. Does that make me no longer a Eladron? I'm just now, I'm the Pizpan Pizpather. You are an Eladron Pizpenter. What shade table did you use? Oh, can you meet Tabaxi and the Ladin at the same time? That's my question. I'll say the Eladron overrules the Tabaxi,

but you feel like the Interim. Is you're Farrell, a Ladin who wants to piss everywhere? Okay. Here, I'll find it. I'll find them. Open a present immediately. Whoa. I have a sudden urge. Who?

Ooh. Ooh. Oh. Why do you look like you're about to start pissing up stuff? Yeah, why do you live? Huddled is very, very suggesting. Me, Chuck. Amazing.

You're right. I need to look it up. I don't know this. I don't know this race very well. This is... What is that? It's from, like, Magic of the Gathering. 49.

Oh. It's like a witch. Yeah. I think I just stay the same. I'm a witch now. I'm a hex blood. You just have greens. You're like green and...

Well, this one's just a lineage. So you're just like, you like... I like, I like, shoot back up and I'm like, well, hi! And then a black cat jumps into my own. Oh, nice. But you're naked. I'm still cold, but I got a cat and a staff.

I know this winter queen has summoned this trampas and allegedly owns him, but not for long. Not for long. He will be mine. Not frozen. What did you get, Rich? Oh, didn't I already get it? No. Oh, fuck. What did I get? Oh, I'm rolling.

Oh, again. Present. I can't even read it. Present. Present. Three? I think this chuckles, this is a five. I'll have you re-roll, because we've gotten bones so many times.

Present. 17? You've turned to a barrel to vaccine. Let me re-roll. We already have that. One, no, that's not fun. 15. You're not.

I'm surrounded by Pymour. I'm surrounded by Pim. And I'm just urinating on a stalact. You're just like. When I roll for me? This icy stalactite is mine now. I'm back now. I think I'm a witch.

A piss everywhere. And you're frozen piss everywhere. It freezes in the stream. 30. Oh. 30. What do I get? Frozen piss everywhere.

You got a 30? You're a gnome. Roll of D6. Five. You are a rock gnome. Oh no! My name's Xia Pank! What a...

My Pistream has frozen to this blackmite. And I figured I might be stuck. Frozen, place everywhere! Yeah, I think we need to give puddles, uh... We need to give puddles a present. Me, puddles! Free. Come on, and give him one of them presents.

Give one. Rich in one of your presents. Oh, I would love to, but I'm a disposed. I'm gonna be disposed at the moment. Give it, give me, press. Sack his way over there. I'll do it, I'll do it. Give me drawback sack.

I dump a prison out on you. I just, I just empty the content. It's open already. Fugget, it's dead. It's open. It's fucking. It's fucking up. Roll a D20.

Oh. And just remember you have a wish. You can wish that the crampus is dead. Now, can you just reach it? It's all back to normal. I wish that all of us are back to our original forms. I wish my peace dream was undone. And without me being cursed with horrible undef for eternity.

What did you get? Oh, 14. D100, please. I basically feel the same, except sometimes I can pull out my teeth and do magical stuff. And you look at a green. A hammer of thunderbolts. Jesus. You got a hammer of thunderbolts.

Frozen That's everywhere Did someone say my name? I thought I heard someone I can't turn around I'm stuck I thought I heard someone Say something about my call sign

How are you stuck My pee is stuck It's frozen It's frozen to the slackmite It froze like up the stream And like stuck on your peat It's extremely painful That sounds awful

your 20-inch penis. Well, I'm in an alladron, so it's very average. Slightly larger than average. Slightly larger than average. What's that? My eyes will turn white, and then tiny little pips is all just surged with power. Cranpus was frozen pee. Someone said it again.

I heard it again. I heard it again, frozen pee. I wish someone tell me what's happening. I can't turn. I can't turn my neck. You hear the sound of hooves and the jingling of a bell, and you hear the loud roar of what can only be a crampus. And then all of a sudden, you hear the sound of fresh urination.

Where it's coming from can only be deep in the hole of this. Wait. Nobody literally knew on that crampus, he's mine. He's mine! He's beautiful, Winder Palace. And then you hear the cracking sounds of urine as it phrases. Uh-huh.

That's all you hear. Is that the sound of urine cracking? The sound of urine cracking. Is that by the front? I swear to God if there's another peer in here. I grab you by the back and pull you. Oh! Oh!

Come on, let's go! Okay, let's go. I wish I was dead. And you rip Torbeck away from his frozen piss stream. And you make your way through the winter halls. One of you is now a naked, hex blood. There is a gnome. You're pacing this.

Eladron. I'm just bringing a ladron. And you make your way into what, looks to be the main hall of this area. And you see that coming to, in the very corner of this room, it's the throne room, the main hall where they would perform the crown, the welcoming of the winter queen. And you see in the very center what would have at one point

been a ferocious enemy standing 15 feet tall, this gigantic mass of a creature, a crampus, I don't know how else to say this. A crampus. Oh, that's definitely a crampus. But no longer the way a crampus would look. Instead, you can almost see through it as it has clearly been turned to piss and frozen.

Crampus is frozen. Oh, no. I look around at my friends and I look at the frozen piss crampus and I say, damn it. Cramus to crampus. To graham piss. I don't know how we would be here. This was, this was, this was, this was my life's work.

I'm sorry, I'm gonna shatter it with this staff if that's all right with you. I got frozen pea shards in my penis for this. And it feels like kidney's stomach. You have shirms. My purveling pain. Quibbling. It's a lagerid and just.

I get you with my hands. Just give me a second. I'm going to walk up, and like a baseball bat, I'm going to take the staff of Frost and swing in. And as I swing in, the staff is going to go, you're probably wondering who's shattering you now. I'm going to break the cat. Bees. You do. The staff of Frost, which is an ascension item from ages and ages in the future, speaks to you as you as you shatter.

the cram piss. And I need you all to roll a dexterity saving throw as serrated piss shards fring down on all of you. Just another day that ends in wine. I got an 18. 16. Shards are frozen piss. Look out! Shards are frozen piss! You also have now, and shattery. What did you get? You may be wondering. Frozen piss! You all dodge out of the way, like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix,

and you move his way in that, dodging every bit of frozen piss as you shatter the cram piss, and he begins to, oddly enough, melt as the room starts to warm a little bit. As you notice that next to the throne, held in some kind of stupor, the ringing of the crampus's belly, keeping her from moving is a beautiful tall Eladron woman. She is wearing a crown of ice

around her head. Her long black hair is flowing in soft waves down her back. The dress that she's wearing shimmers as she moves with the lights of the Aurora Borealis. And she, her skin is incredibly pale, white as snow. As she looks, down over all of you. Her eyes are nearly, um, nearly pure, dark purples and blues. Um, so dark, it's hard to see, um, where her iris begins.

What? What did I fuck off this time? No, keep going. You didn't do nothing. You didn't do anything. Jesus. Um, but she is incredibly beautiful as she slowly begins to move.

I look to the rest of my friends and I say, Well, I got you out a little left in the tank. To pee. 555Bets said, take my money, you stupid fuckers. This is a absolute insanity. This has been one of the best days of my life. I hate you, never change.

I love you. I love you. You leave us on a close comments. Thank you. She looks out at all of you, and the look that's on her face is one that it barely moves, but you can tell there's a bit of joy,

a bit of a smile behind her eyes, though she doesn't tilt her lips up enough for you to fully see, as she raises a large staff that is crystalline and twisting, a beautiful black diamond held in the very center at the top, almost suspended in midair as it spins. And she, she, She points it out towards you and you feel a wave.

Wish? You feel a wave of magic overcome you. Wish. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. But thank you for what you've done for me. What a beautiful diamond. Her eyes linger on you for a second.

She tilts her head. Thank you, Bidsey. Oh, you know, my name? And you feel yourself, as this wave of magic washes over you, you feel yourself return to your normal form. Oh, including a hex blood. No longer this hex blood creature, all of the effects that have been over you are gone

as your memories begin to return as well. And you begin to remember the taste of that cocoa. But you just, I swear I got anxiety like this. You know what, I'm sure we broke it at these every two, you know, really? Agree-in. Oh, oh, no, boss along.

And she looks out at you, oh, I can see that your memories are returning. You should be wary of taking things from strangers in the future. You don't want to get trapped in another snow globe, do you? And it seems like a strange thing to say, but her eyes dart to the ceiling. And for the first time, you see that you are in a strange circular glass enclosure.

And looking out, you see that the snow that's coming down around you all over this entire place is very clearly the fake snow that you would see in a snow glow. And as you look up, she says, I will write the wrongs that have been done here today. through which light carnival will travel again. You have done me a great service, but beware the eyes that watch. And her eyes look up one more time,

and you see the face of an elderly woman, a gnarled, twisted nose, and dark eyes, her hair falling in chunks around her face. As with gnarled old fingers, she looks out down at you, in the snow globe and a twisted smile alights her face. And as you look up, you can see through the snow that you are clearly on the shelf in some kind of point.

As all of a sudden, what are her teeth look like? As she smiles, you see a flash of iron as all of you, as all of your consciences snap. And you wake up in a soft bed, snow drifting out in the windows behind you. You're not. together anymore but the memories that you shared firmly affixed in your mind and

that is where we will end the session oh my god oh my thorium her is so embarrassed about the pee thing oh you wake up in a dumpster oh no wow that was amazing I bet that diamond was worth one grillion dollars and see I can't believe I to the snow planet. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventras podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher

to unlock Shroud of Her Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash Legends of Aventriss. If you want to chat about the episode with the avantris community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventris.com forward slash Discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, so make sure you follow our socials at Legends ofavantris.com forward slash social. And make sure you check out The Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with a

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