Legends of Avantris - Uproot-a-rama | Ep. 5 | Hell of a Job

Episode Date: May 8, 2026

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It is early morning. You have, is the early morning. It's time for you to show up to work. Sear Cool Express starts bright and early. The dim dim woods, you know that there's Ygor's Evil Lair and Seer Cool Express. I would like to ask each one of you,

how does, what does your morning routine look like? how do you get to work and what sort of annoyances do you have to experience on your way through the dim dim woods to get to Wygore's evil layer? As you all wake up, it's you look at the alarm clock, it's five in the morning.

It's miserable. It's tired. You're somehow too hot and too cold at the same time. But you know that you have to get to work. I think that Booker would be he's obviously a jazz musician but he has a full-time gig

working for Cirical Express and so after work in the after hours especially on the weekends Friday, Saturday nights, he's trying to get these gigs where he's playing in jazz clubs and trying to also have a career as a musician. It's clearly not

working out no matter how talented and magically equipped he might be so that's why he needs this job, full-time job at Circle Express. So he has some late nights And so the next morning is a little rough, but, you know, he's a dedicated employee of Circle Express. So Booker would drag himself out of Ben. You know, he's probably got eight of the same suit, eight of the same shirt, eight of the same, like, wrinkled tie. He doesn't iron his stuff, right?

You know, he's rolling up the sleeves. He's bleary-eyed. I'm doing the best that I can. And I probably have this crappy little car vehicle that, like, barely works. It's on its last legs. You know, I can't get it started. Have to kind of kick it to get it going. That would be the major annoyance, I think, that Booker would be fighting with his vehicle

to get to work every single day. It'd be another thing. A wheel falls off. The bumper won't stay on. The door's rusty and won't shut all the way. And he can't keep up with these, the maintenance. It's been paid off for forever. But the maintenance is just a nightmare. And I would try to be one of the first ones in the office. Because believe it or not, he's a diligent employee, and I would spend the morning cleaning the coffee carafs,

getting the coffee ready for everybody, this morning ritual that Booker has to enjoy his coffee and also provide a hot cup of Joe for his friends when they get to the office. And it's even worse. It's the equivalent of a Monday. Oh, no. And the office is,

This is also, nobody cleans the coffee pots, right? So like when I get there Monday morning, it's all the same leftover old coffee from Friday afternoon. Yeah, yeah. And I curse it over and over again, but nobody, you know, how many times I mention it, nobody cares, they don't clean the coffee pots. And that would be kind of the equivalent,

the routine that Booker would go through day and day out, fighting with his vehicle, getting there early enough to enjoy the ritual of making coffee and providing it for the office. Love it. Thank you. You're welcome. I think that. Not everybody all at once.

I think that Jean-Claude would wake up in the mornings. I don't think he would stay up too late. I think even after work, he would be dedicated to trying to balance the books. And he would come across things all the time, like suspicious recurring charges to OFROs, and these things just aren't lining up, and massive amounts of spend to revamp the office time and time again for new Asian. are layouts that sometimes seem to use, see use. I think he would get up in the morning

and I think he would ritualistically ironed his shirt for the start of the day, his short sleeve pocket buttoned down shirt, iron it out, he would stand tall and put it on and start to button it up and then he take his glasses out and I'd put him on and then I'd kind of hunched down a little bit. make myself just a little bit smaller. And I think I'd go into the kitchen, I cook up just a very quaint, a small little quick meal,

maybe just two eggs, not chicken, some other egg laying creature. Just a quick small breakfast, and I think I'd go outside and I'd find a, like the equivalent of a bicycle, like a pedal speeder, if you will. And I think I would cycle to the office and all this traffic is flying by me and even though it's off the ground as hovered vehicles somehow They always seem to hit the same puddle

Every day as I'm coming by and the grab disrupts the puddle and it splashes me all across my outfit As I'm cycling into the office until I get there and join burger Okay, I keep picturing the form of your own version We like bicycles everywhere. I was thinking of suits. I was thinking a Mike from suits. All right his, had his satchel and rode his bicycle to the trillion-dollar law firm.

Bissy doesn't so much sleep. Strong open, strong open. As she consults the lemons of the cosmos, she would have a spare room. And I don't mean a spare room is an extra room. I mean, a room that is Spartan with very few items in it, no mattress, no anything, but this is the place where she centers herself, meditates, and thinks about the machinations of Arcadia and the planes beyond, doing what she can to think two, three, four, a dozen steps ahead of those who would prevent the resurgence of the middle class.

she would wake up and quickly utilitarianly take care of herself, dress herself in her long robes, make sure that her hat is well affixed onto her head, and then she would plot. She would go to a window in probably the first 20, 40 minutes. No coffee, no nothing. Just stare out the window and brood. And then she would get onto the... the fat lines. She would jump onto the communications. She would jump on to holograms and she would consult with the many connections that she's made across the universe. Yes, she does work at

Circula Express, but when she isn't doing that, instead of trying to get gags or what a normal Arcadian might do, she is in touch with the powers that be trying to get in front of the long-term plot and strategy that she cares about more than anything. Then she'd quickly feed the poor man who lives underneath her hutch, and then she would be able to jump into her spaceship, a huge, massive ship that would launch into outer space.

Picture those massive crafts in Dune where the... Like one of the ships arriving in fucking arrival. Like, uh... would lower down, and a massive staircase as loud as hell in my view She would float down But unfortunately the parking for that Is still a two mile walk away from the office

So she would Her biggest annoyance Is the fact that she has to make that final trek To the office where she arrives in Oh, someone made the coffee, how nice This is always done. Who takes care of this? And that is how she spends most evenings.

Peggy would wake up in the morning and she would roll over and she would say to the camera, All right, well, that's it for the sleepy time stream. I'll see you tomorrow, my little peglings, and then she'll turn the camera. She'll brush her teeth and she'll maybe take a quick morning shower and she'll go to the closet and you'll see it's just that same suit over and over again similar to Booker and she'll pull. one out and it kind of floats there on its own. As she climbs up into the helmet and gets solely into the helmet, the entire suit are completely devoid of anything at all. Is she laying down? She's laying down like this. Yeah, as she just kind of zooms around and inside she's typing away. She is, you're sending out some Noirri Prince email. She is sending a couple of DMs. You know, hey, this

is this is Zeta Max. I can't find my debit card. Could you send me $500? I'm stuck at the airport, and we can hang out and get dinner tonight if you do that. Doing a handful of those things, she's just kind of autopileting to work, but the problem is every single morning,

this damn guy that follows her stuff is constantly reporting her for nudity. And so she's spending at least the first hour of her commute. It's very long because she doesn't want to pay much for rent. And so the first hour of her commute, she spends responding back to all of these reports trying to get her channels turned back on. But her commute, funny enough, her commute is actually just a way for her to get some time outside of the house because she lives in the Iron Maiden.

So as she makes her way back, she locks up the Iron Maiden and then she goes to the coffee. Oh, somebody made coffee. Who's doing this? Hey, Biffby, morning. Morning, how you doing? And that's what Peggy does in the morning. I think Grumley would stay up pretty late. He has a subscription to Turner Classic movies.

And Lone Star TV. His favorite part is when some random guy introduces the film for 10 minutes. 100%. He loves that. He just loves when, you know, when the Gary Cooper's of the world, the strong silent types were in the big pictures.

And so he would stay up pretty late. He's not very well rested. He had all night, he's a phobia of the Sunday Scaries. He'd wake up, he'd take off his CPAP machine. Like concave face. And he would sit on the edge of the bed, and the Sunday Scaries have evolved to just pure Monday dread. And he looks at the corner of the room with the pedestal

that has his cyborg helmet on. And he stands up, and he's wearing very high-waisted pants. And his torso is just ridiculously wide, because he's built like a brick shit house. He looks at it, and I say, I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it as he picks up the helmet. But first, I'll finish what I started last night. and I will hit play and finish

probably the last 30 minutes of whatever classic black and white film he was watching some detective show. I love Grimley, the Red. Thank you, dear. And then he wouldn't bike to work, he would wheel to work, but not for fitness. Just because he has no other choice.

and he would get in and he would say oh coffee thank you Booker I really appreciate your effort to get in early and make sure that we always have a pot of hot coffee every morning my pleasure buddy I just like doing it you know

somebody's got to do it and it's just one of the ways that I like to contribute to the office and my friends thanks for saying thank you someone should fire the guy that makes this coffee hey it's fucking bird hey that's not nice I make the coffee Why don't you don't you work here?

Yes, I get here extra early and I make sure that I make the coffee so all of you guys have coffee Why do you burn the coffee? I don't burn the coffee take it up with Wygoor. The machine sucks. The coffee that he provides is terrible. I say I say, Booker, I actually think it's quite good. Thank you. Is this decaf or full cap?

It's whatever crap Wigua's got in the covers like a fine. So you don't make the coffee then because the person who makes the coffee would know what kind of coffee they put it? It's in an unlabel tin. I'm doing what I can here. It's just unlabel. It's just crappy, garbage coffee. He buys it by the square footage. What do you think this cream is made out of?

It's like... Weird gray powder is just pouring into my little styrofoam coffee top. Don't think about it, buddy. Don't think about it. Okay, that's enough. It's like mounded up off the top. I don't even know what this is. And I chew my coffee, my morning coffee.

You hear a little... As Wigor putters in. Oh, gosh, Monday mornings, huh? Something like that. How was your weekend, Wigall? I don't care for Mondays. I don't know if you knew this about me. He poured himself coffee.

Gosh, this tastes like shit. It's a little bird, right? I should remember to have accidentally, neglectfully kill Chonzie again for making such terrible coffee. What do I pay Chonzie for? Wigar, I make the coffee. Nobody else is making coffee.

The coffee pots didn't ever clean. The coffee that you provide is, it feels like it's six months old and stale. This gray powdered creamer is bizarre and gross. I'm doing the best I can hear you, man. Ah, well, I mean, I suppose I'd, that's what I get for hiring a jazz musician to make coffee. Oh, disgusting. What are you kind of working more? And the helicopter's out.

I'm gonna have the breakfast of champions. Any of you want one and Peggy pulls open a rickety bottle of pills that say subtract you none and she pops one. I'm all right. I never eaten the morning. I'm just doing that creamer though. I say.

Oh. Thank you. There you go. I also have velocity if you prefer something a little harder. I'm good. I'm just gonna stick to my cup of black coffee. I've eaten already. Just the coffee for me. This is just the ashes of people I've defeated.

This isn't creamer at all. I was wondering where I left this. Is that where the bone chips are from? Yeah, there's probably some bone chips in there. I'll say, why do you keep that right next to the coffee? I left it around. I didn't mean to leave it here. I was going to take it home.

Well, how come you climbed, you skid it up the pantry and then open right where the coffee is and then put it in there and left it there. And somebody print out a label that's just coffee creamer and slapped it right on the side. Oh, that was me. What? Oh, yeah.

Well, now I'm used to it. It's not changing now. You better keep your shenegraining, people. Yeah, it's all right if you try it a little bit. Booker, you feel like you're not, like, you're not being appreciated. I'm not. You feel like this is like, it's not only your friends,

your boss, no one's appreciating you. And I need to make a charisma saving throw for it. Uh-oh. Oh, no. I should be pretty good at that. And you feel like you think back to growing up, with Beauregard Tea Raccoon. Oh, I crushed it.

I got a 23. You feel as if 23 that there's almost like this kind of deep, for a moment, you feel like almost like there's this deep pit, this emptiness within you, that you feel like you need to fill. Just a flash. There's a flash, and you kind of like rub your teeth a little bit, and you actually almost kind of like, what you're thinking about, you almost kind of bite your lip.

and a little bit of blood is drawn. And you, but you know what? You feel like, hey, you can just fill that with coffee for now. I'm a pretty easygoing guy. I'm a laid-back jazz musician, no big deal. You're taking advantage of a little bit here. My good pal, Grumley, appreciates me. That's all that matters.

That's right, Booker. I appreciate it. And the reason we come to work is the same reason we come to work every single day, because we're going to make a delivery that's going to make somebody happy. Yeah. What killed someone? I appreciate you even if I don't appreciate your coffee.

I still don't believe you the one making the coffee, but I like you. It's a person who. I also appreciate it both. You didn't have to name me in your thankful speech rather than you could have just said, Broly, that's fine. Yeah, no, I heard. I appreciate all of you as well. Hey, y'all.

Does anybody know where Hazel is? She's late. Yeah, she's never late. Oh, you know, she probably. There was a farmers market on the way, but she's eating them out of house and home. Those poor farmers. I was going to say,

I don't think this is the first time that, you know, she's called out more than once for indigestion. You know, it happens. She's definitely been sick day before. I mean, she's been suffering with GERD a lot. With what? GERD. GERD?

Yeah, that's what they call it. G-E-R-D. What does it mean? Well, I don't know. Does it stand for something? Probably. Huh. You get a notification on your phone, Peggy.

Got a notification. Better not be that fuck of getting me banned again. Lo and behold, you get a report from only frogs that you've been banned. Not only that, you get a whole string of messages about how that nude video game stream that you played, how you should have played it better, and how you should have built your base better, and you would not have gotten rated. And also your band. And also, mid, wouldn't.

She's playing oxidization. Oh, there's a joystick like that when playing a flight simulator. Jesus. Your community really is- What would mean the joystick's not supposed to go inside? You, and so basically you feel like there is, that it's just a string, your fans, your community has just, has, are a bunch of ungrateful, it's incredibly toxic. These hacks are kids, a piece of shit.

I need to make a A very timeline A charisma saving throw Uh-oh Oh, it's not good Uh-oh Oh, do I fucking hate this guy Let me see, yeah

How's my charisma? It's not, it's pretty bad. A five. A five. These are horrid scum-fucks And you realize that you're That you're a virus gridrunner you can absolutely hack and docks.

I'm gonna show you an entire fanbooking it. You can swat them. And really commit, you can ruin their lives. Oh, I am. I am. As you see on the, you know, because Peggy, Peggy's got her little visor going on and you see that it begins, you see a bunch of code in red begin to go across

and then the words AFK begin to screen, to stream in front of it and completely blank face. You could talk to her all you want, but she is inside of her helmet laying in there, just doxing everybody. And Peggy, you kind of start to like scratch it yourself, and you feel like, wait a minute, is that like another scab?

Is that a wart or something? Oh, no more of what? You got to take care of it. But you realize it's almost kind of, you're scratching yourself absent-mindedly, and you realize that it's almost kind of like a, not quite scaly, but almost like a beagle shell

type thing on your arm. But then the wrath and the rage that you feel towards these fuckers in your, in your community. Oh, Mama's gonna know what you're spending your fucking allowance, you piece of shit. She's getting really bad. Oh, yeah. You're gonna go to

all of his family on Facebook. Yeah, absolutely. On Facebook. And that's what you do. Yeah. The plague. That's the name of Peggy's virus, is the plague. The plug.

I love that, thank you. Brilliant idea. Is everything all right? A.FK. AIFK, AIFK. I think she's going through something right now. We'll just let a beat. She's really mad.

Yeah. You can hear everything she's crazy. I say, she's plugged in right now. It's not responding to anything. You lip dick, motherfucker! Whoa! It's like sitting next to a 10-year-old on Xbox Live. I feel like someone could get seriously hurt based on

what she's doing. Oh, for sure. I mean, it's definitely violates several plainer and cosmic laws. There's no way that's you're... I say, and moral, I think. Yeah, well, certainly. That always seems to be an afterthought with this group. Grumley.

Oh. You... It's the bone chips. This is surprisingly good. I like drinking my enemies. I'll try it. I'll try it. I'll try it. Hey, isn't it? I've been having it for weeks.

Monce even. It's like drinking mushroom tea. It's got a chalky, it's got a chalky texture. Bones are one drink, but mushrooms. We could probably sell this online. I think you work at fucking Target. You, Grandma, you think back to earlier this morning.

When you went to go finish your movie, and you realize that your favorite Turner Classic movies and all of your favorite channels. Who's classic movies? Who's classic movies? That's very funny. That there was, you want to go finish it,

but you realize that there was a massive merger, a massive mega court merger, and that all those movies actually weren't valuable. So in order to get a great tax break from the intergalactic representatives of stealing, they decided to just delete all of your favorite classic movies and have it be a tax write-off. And all of their programming has been,

stripped away, and all of your favorite movies became lost media. And you keep thinking back to that discovery this morning. What's wrong? All of my favorite movies. On huge classic movies. Oh, no. That's one of your favorites. Why didn't you tell us?

Even the Morsib Falcon? Especially the Morsibe Falcon. That is... You guys are too smart. I don't know what that is. The ruffers of the Maltese felon. Oh. Oh, well, listen, Gromley, I'm so sorry to do that, buddy.

What are you going to do? Every single Cock Stacy film they got rid of... That one was a little bit of a stretch, probably, but I still like what you were doing with. I hate Cocksteak Stacey. Yeah, that's... Oh, boy. He's a rooster detective, and it's always his last day on the force.

Yeah. I also wouldn't like that one. All gone? They're all gone. They've been removed from streaming, and I only got a 15-minute notice. How am I going to watch every single old film again now, here? Can we buy, like, you know, physical media?

Oh, no, that's an insane thing. They've done away with physical media years ago. No, I think that they're trying to get rid of that because a subscription model is... They don't want us to own anything. No. Everything I do. This is point seven in my 27 point plan.

Bring back physical media. Oh, well, thank you. Do I even own my subunetic enhancements? No. That's a good question. Can the company just take it back at any moment? Yes. It's just not fair, booker.

It's not, and I wish that I had some more encouraging words for you. This is just awful. You sign the terms of service. You hear in your ear. I guess I did sign the terms of service. In any lawsuit, class action or otherwise, will be completely ineffectual because I signed up for that free trial once.

I signed up for this free trial. I enjoyed a few of the movies. My favorite was North by North. Thank you, Chad. Grumley, how do you feel in this? What are you going to do about this. This is a huge change to your way of life. You think back to that strange, spooky scary man in the in the pool rooms from several weeks ago.

Oh god. Are you haunted by this like the shade? Yeah, how would I how would I feel about this? I don't know if it would make me angry or just sad. You know what I mean? I think I would need to find something to replace to replace this, this, like, what am I gonna do with my evenings now? Masterpiece Theater. Yeah. Oh no.

I, I go to my phone and I'm like, oh, I need to entertain myself somehow now. And I go to a gambling app on my phone. For an ethical Twitch streamer who is a giant audience of mostly children. 100%. has been marketing this great sports gambling service. Storm bet. Yeah, it's been done a great, yeah, exactly. He's been marketing a sports betting app. Yeah, exactly right.

And I download a gambling app on the phone. Making a good throws, Chrisom's saving there for. Brutle. Absolutely brutal. This is too real. Charisma? Yeah. Saving throw? Yeah. That's priming. Hold on. Hold on. Oh.

13? 13. Start to get a little issue. under your helmet. You started to get a little itchy under your helmet. As you kind of start to scratch, as you think about, you start to download this gambling app, and you're like, you know what, that's going to replace the strong, silent type of Gary Cooper.

Because what other way, what other stoic way can you really deal with what you're feeling than risking it all on something that your favorite streamer had promoted to their audience of mostly children? Look, the further the plane flies, the more of a multiplier I get on my note said I just contributed. I'm gone for A-AX, Booker. Wow. I have a feeling about this one. That's really amazing.

Look, it's flying, it's flying! Do you have any control over this? Oh, A-A-X! Wait, you missed the-you didn't click it? What happened? It exploded. It exploded. It's 7.99-99-99-99-99-99-9-99. So you should have pushed the button faster.

I should have pushed the button .3 nanosecant sooner, Booker. Oh, but can't you? Look, it just says you could just run it back. I would have edxed my mind. I do still have a balance. You're right. I'm just going to run it back. What are we going for this time, Booker?

Whoa. Whoa. Look at it go. It's going to go. It's going. Go. Only four X. Go.

Ready? Oh, no. No. Just like that, it's gone. It's all gone. Oh, well, if you put more money in it, you can just, it says you can run it back. Well, hold on. I think, I think I still have some of, some of my, the money Grammy gave me for my birth,

Birthday, so let me just, hold on. Well, I don't think you can quit now. I mean, I top off my balance with my greatest birthday money. And you feel like you reach and you kind of put your paw under your helmet and you feel like almost like this scratchy, curly, like hair. And you look down and you see this bright color out of the corner of your eye as you kind of push it back up into your helmet. I guess I didn't shampoo today.

Maybe that's, anyway. I adjust my helmet. John Claude. Anyway. You're thinking back to your bicycle ride at. And you're on your little bike. And it was a rainy day. And you think it can't get worse.

And then you hear a as this massive gas-guzzling big bulky speeder drives by. As a huge chicken hawk, uh, um, uh, uh, bitlang. Blair's, uh, blairs pass you, blows your horn, startles you. Uh, you get a massive spray of filthy puddle water on you. And, and hear a voice say, nice, uh, nice bike nerd. Into my mouth.

Oh, to my mouth. Knows was a haunted house level. There shouldn't be any skeleton. Put my hand on my pan. Oh, ha, sa. Oh. But I'm going to grow some covered in mud. Oh, what's in my mouth?

How does this make you feel? How do you react to this? Uh, I think I'd start to get a little, I'd start to get a little angry. Oh, okay. I think so. I'd be getting, I'd be getting a little fired up. Like, this, this stupid chicken hawk that just covered me in mud doesn't know who he's really mess him with you.

Can I ask him at a question? Have you, has Jean-Claude ever used the powers of House Chant-de-Claire for not good purposes? Have you, has he ever misused the, the, the, that would be, that would be shocked. Bunker. I just, no, Zandi-Sas-A. Booker doesn't even know about this. I would say that he absolutely spends his knights

invoking the power of the house of Jean-de-Claire and attempting to rid the streets of all form of, that's all for good? All form of nefarious, life and whatever form that, whatever shape that takes. Will it be the chicken hawk who, uh, you know, thinks I'll look rather skeletal? Um, I say, I say, oh, I say, oh, he doesn't know what's coming for him if I catch him on the next time of him. And you've realized that he stopped at a red light.

Oh! What do you say? I say, you get to say something? Sick tunes! And he, uh, he turns on Motley crew. It's not different. It's just mrs. Motley Crone.

And he turns it up. Home sweet. Oh, shit. Those are pretty sick tunes. As you feel your anger and hatred and you kind of visualize what you would do if you were in a different situation, I need to make a Christmas saving throw for me. Oh, man.

15 on the die. 15. You feel as you kind of start to mutter you notice your beak kind of start to kind of clack a little bit and the noises that you're muttering to yourself turn to sound almost clicky but then it kind of, then it passes

as you've made your, you've made your, this guy blows past the red light and you finally do make it to the office. And you're reminded of this moment in this moment. I say, I say man, how was everybody else's commuting this morning? Not good.

I mean, you know. Oh, thanks for asking Booker. Mine was terrible. Oh, okay. I was riding my bike in. I say it. And then this chicken hawk ran up on, he was driving an environmentally unsafe vehicle.

It wasn't nice for the environment at all. And he splashed me in all this mud and water. I was wet and wet. Yeah. You do see it covered in mud, yeah. Well, yeah. I'm sorry that happened. It's actually probably why I enjoyed the coffee.

Well, there's plenty more to warm you up. Well, no, I just meant because it tastes better than the mud, the buck. that's in my mouth. Gotcha, yeah. No, it doesn't. It's a hurtful, pegging. It's very hurtful. Don't knock it until you try.

It's really not that bad. He just made me so mad. Oh, I was going to key his car or something. What? I almost took my head out. Do you want me to leak his news to his family? Oh, well, I don't know. How did it look?

Did you get his license number? Oh, well, I don't know. Do you have his license plate number? Yeah, it was slam hawk. Oh, my God. What, people of shit. I know. That's what I thought was.

Oh, no, he's got a real. Oh, he's got a real. really big... Fuck! I just knew it! Couldn't have been linking his news and just helping him out. I do not like this conversation. Bitsy.

I say, can you transfer all of his, like, uh, bank holdens to Grumley so he can continue to gamble? Oh no, this guy doesn't have shit in his savings account. Wait, hold on, I think I still have some in my retirement savings. I'm gonna keep going, book it. Well, to be fair, you gotta stop winning or are you gonna keep losing, so you gotta keep going. And at any point, you could hit the 100x multiplier. Wait, Booker, do I hit on a 13 versus a 16? Oh, oh, absolutely.

Yeah, for sure. Are you sure? According to the book, is that true? Yeah. Are you just vibing right now? No, there's no way that you can bust. 13's not even close to 21. I mean, you know, to me getting a 10 are really high right now.

No, well, that doesn't equal 21, so you're fine. Guy, guide the button. Hit it. Oh, I'd have 26. I say, wait, what was the question? Mathematically, that was a terrible decision to make. Mathematically, you couldn't, you shouldn't have hit that button. Chases for a tail is so hot.

I felt like there was no way he could lose. No, that was the vibes talking. Now, that was the vibes. I don't know. I think I'm pretty good at math. Anyway. Bitsy, you think back to this morning. into the lone man.

To the person on your hodge. Yes, he once wronged me. Just a little. You think back to your morning routine. What plate of food are you bringing? Am I bringing? Yeah. To feed the man.

To feed the man. So what does it look like? Yeah, how much, like, love and care does you provide for this meal? Or is it like, what is it? No, no, no, I go over to a giant tank. It's like a huge tank. There's a big tank that's attached to the wall. I walk over to it.

It's like one of those gerbils feeding water things. I grab the lever and out squeezes a gray purple sludge. A, A, you can putter Whole Foods. It's muting it faced. It's good. It doesn't say a color, it just says Soylent on the side. Yeah, uh-uh-uh. You entered the dark room.

Gagdalene. You hear the very slow rattling of chains. You hear, please, please, my family. I have seen my family. I have your soilent and this is all you'll enjoy all day. I'm Clatters, yeah, it clatters. I throw it in it clatters to the ground.

You wronged bitty, low bitsy, to centuries I've tried to rise the middle class in Okia. But you were annoyed. You were a jerk that one time. I didn't care for what you said, so you're down here for that. You hear him skitter over to the, over to the slop.

As, and how is that going bringing back the middle class? I'm between classes right now. It's going to life. It's going for progress. There are many, many Illuminati's that I'm working with, many of them. Aluminatai. Sounds like cope to me.

You're going to make a Christmas saving time. This guy's not broken yet. My fingers crackle with electric energy. as I consider these phrases. I get a natural one. He's in your head. Your energies crackle. What do you do?

Please, please. I would lash out. In this moment, I am extremely frustrated, and this man who slighted me so imperceptibly years ago is my punching bag an outlet of my rage and inner horror.

And I, I would cast Minion by Nick-O-Bin. As I lock him into place. I don't want to hear another word. I lock him into silence. I allow him to enjoy his caloric intake. But I raise up from the ground and I stare at him, almost crackling as though I'm going to perhaps inflict him pain

or perhaps do something truly, truly evil. but I hold back and I look inward, and I turned, and I closed the door behind me, unable to fully, fully, fully let go, and struggling with what he's forcing me to face in that moment. And you realize as you go to raise your hands, your joints feel a little stiff, as they actually start to creak, almost like a metal door hinge.

as you begin to actually the rest of your morning routine is slowed down because your joints are incredibly rusty and almost metallic and your footsips are heavy. I can't brood at all like this. As you think back to this and suddenly you snap back to reality.

Hey, hey, you're all right, Pitsy. We lost you that for a second. We've been talking to you. You're just kind of like zoned out. for a minute there, you all right? What? Huh? I said, are you all right? You zoned now.

We're talking to you. Yeah, sorry, I need more actions of my enemies. Oh, I could take some more, too. Oh, yeah, here you go. Booker, sorry that I've also been zoning out lately. That's all right. Everybody's been a little distracted.

It's been a tough, you know, a couple weeks, and now, you know, it's the equivalent of a Monday and nobody wants to be here. I say Mondays. They sure are tough. I've just been over here trying to figure out What word rhymes with orange? Door hinge.

Pitsy! You figured it out! What? Door hinge! Rhyde. It's close. I mean, it's not really one word. You really do know the universe's greatest mysteries.

I'd give it to you. I'd give it to you. That totally rhymes. Yeah. I'll say, that's right there. What do you mean you'd give it to her? It's a stretch, but, you know, if we were in a competition, I'd award a point. I mean, Booker, for all of us, you're a jazz musician.

I feel like you'd be fine with just sort of like, That's what I'm saying, it's a little free for me, you know, I give it to it. I'm just saying, I give it to it. We're agreeing, we're agreeing. I guess you're right, or just two words and not one, unless it's a compound word.

Hmm. Book is the last person you wanna be asking about this. I'm almost here my trifecta. Oh. You hear a voice over the intercom. Ah, employees of Sea A cool express a terrible, terrible news. Oh, wow.

I need you, I need you to, I haven't seen Hazel, I asked her to, I asked her to, to, to fix my dangle fax machine on Friday and I haven't heard from her since. We think that she went to the farmer's market and killed all of the farmers. She's probably just sick, my gosh, probably just called out. She's got gurd. I think it might be pronounced jerd. Yeah, it might be, yeah. I, I have, I have good news and bad news. All right.

Hit us with the good news first. Well, the bad news is that I'm suffering a terrible lawsuit. What? Yes, I'm a wrongful death lawsuit by some consultants that I had. They were alleged that they, it's being alleged in the lawsuit

that they died on the job, but they just never showed up for work. They were a bunch of bombs who just never showed up. A bunch of, yeah, it's, it's, solutions. Can you describe what they looked like? Oh, I mean, what they look like.

How could anyone describe it more of a form in a cloak than anything else? That's as most consultants. Oh, yeah, they probably, you know, consultants. There's a terrible, there's a terrible energy. They probably just didn't show up. I shuffle my robes for a moment. Consultant.

Which means that I, I have no choice. There's been a request for a job that I've, that I've been putting off for several, for weeks now, But the good news is, it's where you're going, isn't so bad, where the delivery is. Okay, good, great. Where are we going? I don't know. I think I've got to take a personal day. Ah, I can't.

Personal days need to be approved. Feel free to submit it. I'm submitting it now. I've got to show. Oh, denied, denied. Ah, yes, we just need you. It's a blackout period here. We'll see a cool express while I have this lawsuit going on.

You understand. Surely you understand. I said losses can go on for years. Oh, terrible news. Terrible news. Where are we going, Mr. Weigor? Oh, well, I mean, the good news is the Wigor Compton can get there.

I mean, it's, the delivery is in cacophony. That's right. I need all of you to go to hell. You arrive at Wigor's office as, uh, he, looks at you, and he's looking really stressed. He's looking rough.

He's looked rough before, but you see now that the, many of the brains on his shelf have been, either the jars are empty or the brains are shriveled, or it's a, it's a, the collection is being depleted. And he's rubbing his forehead and he says, and I, I just was trying to get my tax, dago tax, my fax machine working. And I sent Hazel on Friday afternoon to fix it,

and I haven't heard from her. I can't find the dangle faxes that I need to send over to my lawyer. Oh, this is just grave, grave, grave stuff here, folks. Well, Peggy, can you take a look at the fax machine? Do you think you can fix that? You're like, you know, the tech wizard. No? No.

Come on, you're like 40% fax. Well, not even Peggy can figure out a fax machine. All right, well, if Hazel's, out and then her backup won't do it. Who's next up on the backup list? Who knows anything about a fax machine? I don't mean to interrupt, but we're all sort of kind of glazing over the fact that

Mr. Weigor, did you say that we're going to hell? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, that's right. How good call. Did I hear that right? It did sound like you said that. Maybe my helmet's getting in the way.

Do you think you can elaborate? Ah, yes. I, uh, oh, my deadbeat nieces. and nephews. They've been trying to order my services for quite some time and now I have no choice

because I need their, I need their services. The supervillain overlord business isn't what it used to be, folks. The doomsday device industry is really on the decline for you see.

We're listening. I thought you would ask. No, we're active listening. Can you me to get you some fried rice, you slowing down a little bit? I can get one of the ten containers out of your mini fridge. That sounds pretty good.

Do we have it? This is from September 2023. It's kind of skittier, a little bit forward. Ah, yes, hold on. It tastes like how I feel. I could be a wise variety of things. I said, you said also that there was good news? Ah, yes, yes, the good news is you're going to hell.

Oh, that was the bad thing. It's quick in and out. To confirm we are going to hell. Yes, yes. Well, yeah, you're going to cacophony. But that's a great thing. Quick in it out, right to the delivery. No travel across Arcadia or travel across the galaxy.

like we had to do, so, you know, to the worlds. It's just straight in, straight out, should be pretty quick. You go to the dead beats, and, you know, the reflections of, uh, my dangle homunculus sins and all of his mortal hatred that he shed. Ah, he thinks he's better than me. Shetting all of his tones of discord and cacophony and his sin and mortal hatred. Why does he think he's better than me? Fuck, I mean, who can say?

Why, go I... Could be on account of how handsome he is. At the end of the day, I'm gonna be honest with you. We're pretty eager to take up these jobs. I mean, this is our... This is our career, but sending us to hell? Like, I don't think we're prepared for this. I'm gonna be honest with you.

Wait, so you're sending us to hell through a quickie with your homunculus? That's what I'm hearing? No, gosh, my humunculus would have become dead in hell. I mean, he's a respectable citizen. Oh. No, you see... You see he...

He shed... He shed all of... is mortal sin and hatred and toxic traits. All these dirty parts are in hell? Oh, yes, yes. Terrible, terrible. And they became these living beings and real demons, honestly.

They're sort of like my pseudo-neces and nephews. It's, it's. Oh, I guess from a certain point of view, you're right. Yeah. That's right. I don't like it when you put it that way. Mr. Weig, what's the former offspring? How are we supposed to get to hell?

I just take the Wigor Copter Yeah, we'll just take the Wai Gorgopter Well, I know that But I don't think any of us can fly to Wai Gorgopter Oh, that's a good point Oh dear Does it have some sort of a autopilot Just you know, boopoopoop off we go

I see you built the WaiGocopter Surely you can fly it Me? Well, surely Fly the Wigocopter I hope you can do it Why do anything that I would be able to fly something called the Wycorker.

I said, well, I thought it was obvious. Your name was in the title. I just assumed you had the, the, the, the, the, the, ability to fly it into that. I'm sure that Hazel is going to report to work. It's not like her to be late.

I suppose I haven't checked on us Friday afternoon in the facts room. And I wasn't able to open the door when I jiggled the doorhead. Have we tried the facts room? She might still be in there. Oh my God, so you're gonna tell me that Hazel's been locked in the facts room,

all weekend? She would have called us, right? Do you have any idea what Hazel would be like if she hasn't eaten all weekend long? Oh, well, I'm sure

that she would maybe be a little peckish, but it would be fine. I run to the fax room. I run to the fax room. Be careful. Now I'm worried our friend is dead or the bubble has eaten her. You, um...

She's consumed her. Like an oeroborah. Yeah. You make your way through the various tunnels of Wygore's evil layer. You pass the pit of unfathomable despair. And you go to a very simple wooden door that says fax on it.

And you like jiggle the, and it kind of turns, but it's like a little tight, almost like it's stuck. What the heck? Hazel. Hazel. See your reception check. 14. 14.

You, you listen. And you, Hazel doesn't respond, But you hear a, like the strange, like, and the door kind of moves a little bit and rattles, the door handle kind of almost gives back against you. Oh, God, there's something in there. They didn't make it with me. I would be just catching up.

I would wheel after you. Oh, God, it sounds like something's alive in there. Grumly, we gotta try to break the door down. Are you with me? Wait, what? Something's alive in there. I hear like a, oh, do you think maybe it's like an, like an insect,

problem. I don't know, but we got to find out. We got to find out. If Hazel's still in there, they could be bad. Everyone stand back. I'm just kind of bummed out. Yeah, me too, especially if our friend is in mortal danger. I mean,

Hazel never played Clayfighter 63 and a third with us, because she said she had to fly the Weigelcopter, but if she never had to fly the Weigelcopter, maybe she just never liked playing Clayfighter and 33 and a third with us. No, none of us. fly it. Wygore probably can't fly it. I'd fly it, but the last time I tried to take flying

lessons the instructor was very rude. Bintzy, bit messing around, either knock the door in or I'm gonna do it. Come on, let's go. I don't want to do it. Why don't you tell us how to back up? I try to get the door. Athletics, oh no. I kick this door as hard again. And my ankle rolls. And I like hyper-extend my knee a little bit. And I hit the ground. I don't think I can walk on that for a while.

Are you okay? Oh, no, no, no. The knee went the wrong way a little bit. I twisted everything. Oh, oh, hold on, hold on. I have another round of boot boxes. Let me. Oh, it's a bunch of sprays.

Who lunch things? Booker, can you pull your pants leg up a little bit? Let me just get a picture of that. No, the too tight. My pants are too tight. Oh, okay. Oh, it's turning purple. That's it's turn your pants.

It's turning purple. Oh, and the legs swelling up, my pants are turning like the sausage casing. I'm just gonna film this. Keep saying, say that sausage casing thing one more time. This might hurt. This might hurt. And I also don't know what I'm doing.

Are you ready? What do you mean you know what you're doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why you asked me if I'm ready. I've only seen it on huge class of news. Look, look towards the camera when you do the pop in motion. Do it. They always say, this is going to hurt.

What do you mean? Popin motion. on the count of three, and then they say, one, two, pass out. Oh, that's gonna make me so much money. He stopped screaming. He might, he's not in pain anymore.

No, no. His leg is the other way. You push him beyond pain. You put, he, you caught so much pain that he passed out. I'll say, is that a good thing? No, no. When he wakes up, he's gonna be, he's gonna be angry. Well, he's gonna want to punch some.

No, Book is never angry. He's a pacifist. I don't know. I guess should we still be trying this door? He was so excited about it. Can you try the door? I could give it a shot. He ran at it so hard and strong, though.

Well, he probably loosened it up for you. Oh, certainly he probably loosened it up. I mean, I'll give it a try for you. Just understand that there's a chance that when you open this door, that tendrils will grab you, pull you inside, and dissolve your body in moments. Well, I'd say you wouldn't let that happen, though. Should we move Booker? Because he's right in front of the door, his leg is L-shaped. I'm foaming in the mouth.

Oh, no, I think it's like hydrogen peroxide. If it's foaming, that means it's working. I don't think so. I don't do, everyone. Wait, hold on. Mr. Chanticleer, before you try that, let me just check my junior detectives pack. I think mechanically I literally have something called a pry bar.

And I pull from this, like, little satchel, just like a metal program. Yeah, yeah. And I pass it. Use this. Thank you, thank you, girl. Unless you want to try, unless this is something you saw on Gruff Mix Gruff.

Oh, well, no, you just said you were going to do it. Well, I just had the pry bar and everything. I mean, I'll just give it a try. Oh, okay. Make it a lot of you got advantage because you have a pry bar. Oh, right. A middle effect of D.C. 24.

You rip the door. The door splinter. Splinter. You're like, boom. Shockingly strong, fair frame in the way that you look. Whoa, Booker should loosen it up with his foot. None of us saw that. When he kicked it real hard, he should loosen the splinter.

The button pops off of your code. Booker was able to open the door. The sleeves rip a little bit on the end as I have a crowbar. Oh, Mr. Sean to Claire. Oh, I said, well, I think it's probably a combination of that crowbar you handed me from Scruff McGrub's, or Gruff McGruff's, Junior Crime Dog, Detective, for some. start a pack and then also, and then also Boker kicked it.

So, you know, I just like, get back, get back the ears, sit back from the door. I say, a rooster your age, to be as strong as you are, almost as strong as the ancestral hero of Klanchev. No, I want to know, I said, I'm not nearly as strong, but that handsome, that antin rooster. No, I couldn't, no, I'm just weak. And somebody called me a skeleton earlier.

and that's going to sit with me for some time that's going to sit with me for some time Grimley I have to say that's going to fuel that's going to fuel many of many nights following that moment did you just say skeleton yeah I well that was this chicken hawk

it was this rooster hawk he was driving a very environmentally unkind vehicle and then as he was driving past he said hey you look like a skeleton this skeleton isn't that one of the ancient ancestral sworn enemies of clan Chanticleam? I say, by pure coincidence.

I mean, it wasn't my... I didn't say skeleton. He said skeleton. But yes, you are correct in the fact that that is an ancestral enemy of the hero

of Chantaclair of the house of Chantlein that used the vampire slayer. Also, I'm told. It's all coming together now. Oh, I miss my over-under. And I think it's Because I don't know what over under means.

Everybody stay back. You know, it's very unclear. It is unclear, but everybody's standing back. You see, as you almost kind of, you hear the, from the door to the pit of unimaginable torment, is right next to the facts right. As you see, you hear, as you open this door.

And you expect to see, You see carpet, wood paneling, fluorescent lights, and you see none of that. You see a fleshy, berry-like, strange growth all across this room. As the entire room is almost pulsing with deep veins, as you see in the center of this room, what looks almost like a massive cocoon, Exactly right. That is pulsing. And you realize now that the tendrils of this cocoon are pulsing. And you follow the lines of where it's coming to the right side of the room.

And you realize that there's many cracks split into the brick and the stone of this wall, perhaps breaking through this wall and connecting to the pit of unimaginable torments. As you see these, across these veins from the cracks being sent into the center of the strange cocoon, as you see this horrible flesh horror abomination, that's also the fax round. Oh, my God. And you actually see that the fax machine is completely untouched. It still doesn't work. She's been trapped in this room. She's been transformed. Can you imagine being trapped in a single space for so long? It's unimaginable. What have we done? We just left her here. weekend. I said we are we sure this is Hazel? I mean this is where within it's

because it seems connected to the room and there's the pulsing and the heartbeat and this is pretty bad. And to be fair we didn't know she was in here. That's all on Ygor. Bromley help me up. My legs completely mangled. Oh, did I fix you? No, I think you made it infinitely worse. But we can talk about that later. I'm gonna need a clutch or something. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Maybe you can also get a matching set of robot legs. Well, I still have the one good leg. Don't get any ideas. Maybe you could have one robot leg and you might need one. I mean, good Lord.

What, I don't know what you did to me. This is never gonna heal right. What are we gonna do about this, guys? Leave us. You hear a voice all around you as this fleshy growth all across the chamber speaks. I'll step forward and I will put my hands together. My sleeves will shift down to

my elbows just a little bit as I look up and around at the fleshy growth. Voice! I think I know you and I think that you know me. I think that you know Hazel and I think that you are in despair. Follow my voice. Follow the words that I speak. Speak with me so that we may commune and understand one another.

We gorge and we slumber. Leave us. I think we should do what it says, Bitsy. Quiet. I'm trying to talk to the gorgian and the slumbering and the voice. I think he wants you to leave. I know he just asked that, but this is just

part of one of the negotiation. We're going to find a middle ground. The souls are endless. The torment, the sustenance. Hear me, gorge and force. souls are endless and you will not be satisfied. By then. Where is Hazel? Show us to her. We are Hazel.

We are Bumble. We are the hunger beyond time. I don't like the sound of that. I don't like it either about it. I think we take it to be. I think we'd leave. I don't think he's fine. You know, Aiesel and Bumble, we've got a thing going on.

We just let them do it. Hey, Azul, are you in there somewhere? Maybe you could also say something other than just Bumble, maybe. Yeah, I'm a little concerned, but Peggy's right. For all we know, she does this every weekend. We speak with our voice. See, they're like a thing. They're like a couple. Let's just let them do the thing.

Oh. I thought you and Hazel got Mandoz that one time. without me on the week. Oh, that was like a Thursday night. It was delicious. Yeah, it was out to work. It was like the equivalent of a Sunday and Sunday. Without you. I was equivalent of a Thursday like evening. Oh, uh. The croutons

were made in garlic day. It was unbelievable. I remember it being like a lazy Sunday, but maybe, did we have like a snow day that day or something? Do you, do, was it from work? Did we leave from work? I believe canonically we left right from work. Oh. Okay.

Well, oh, sleep for him. Yeah, no, no. Because that weekend, you, Bitsy, Jean-Claude Hazel and I went to medieval times. That was a different weekend. That was a different weekend. I very clearly hobble behind you.

You went to Cavalong Times like that. No, no. We would never. We would never go to Cavalant Times about you. That's crazy. The roasted baby dragon was fucking unbelievable. Hey, you shut your mouth, okay? You shut your mouth.

No. I want to go to Cavalon time so bad enough. It's not true, is it, Booker? No, no, of course he only speaks lies, right? Exactly right. He rooted for Garth the Green. I always wanted to root for Garth the Green. Fuck, you were just, you were really into your movies.

You know, we, you were talking about the movies and how you were gonna watch them. Yeah, there are no Gary Coopers anymore, a strong silent type. Yeah, you were really into. it and that we just didn't want to, you know, pull you away from it. We were just, you know, concerned. Well, you know how I can only binge watch, right?

I hate watching week to week. Right. So you were using that day to catch up. You know, we just didn't want to throw all the rest of your players. And you told you said you were an introvert and you need you a long time to refill your battery. Exactly right. The roast baby dragon just sounds so delicious. Look, it's nothing personal, Gromley.

We just, you know, we were looking out for you. We thought it was best for everybody. And I think they also have a more. golden chocolate lava cake there. We will go back to Kavanaugh Times. I have a coupon. Now listen. We need to pilot the Wigor Copter.

Are you capable of such a task if you're not able to produce, Hazel? Present thyself. I hopped backwards. It is not going to go over me. I will pull my hat off. And I will shuffle my robes free,

leaving only a very, very thin body armor that I wear underneath to protect myself in case of sudden attack. And I will step forward into the fleshy chamber. And I will put my arms out onto both sides of my body and look up. I am Bitsy low Bitsy. what do you say bumble

you seek to be the perfect being to open the door of truth and consume the gods sometimes I mean it's like more of a hobby but yes only such a power

can stop me I do not wish to stop you bumble and I appreciate your design desire to feed. You've been feeding on souls all weekend. Unable to go to the humble farmers market for its wonderful, wonderful fruits, vegetables. Don't forget the cherry tomatoes. Oh, the cherry tomatoes. Oh, the cherry tomatoes. Oh, the cherry tomatoes is so good. You were deprived of that experience, which is why you are the way that you are now. The farm fresh sourdough. Don't forget the farm fresh sourdough. Don't forget the farmed. Oh, the sourdough's crazy. I care not for farmers markets. What? It's all just a bunch of AI slop art these days.

You've forgotten. The farmer's market will persist. It will survive. Just like the middle class, it will move on past this and rise again. Such foolishness, this is why you persist. This is why you fail. Make it a intelligent saving throw.

As you feel 10, go into your brain. I'm rolling with, I'm rolling with a natural one. I'm rolling with a natural one. It's straight eight. Straight eight. Oh, no. You feel yourself rack with agony.

As you all see, these fleshy, berry-like tendrils go into Bitsy's ears as they slither, as you are going to take two levels of exhaustion. Oh, oh! Minus four to all rolls. And you're gonna take, yikes. That's not a little exhaustion. That's a middle of exhaustion.

That's a middle exhaustion. 14 points of psychic damage. Ooh, yep. Ooh, yep. But you're not dead. You gain proficiency and expertise in transports. As you think back to your flying instructor, Greg. He was a human, not a stardous human, just a human.

And Greg's driving school. Leave the fact you're trying to stop to Greg. And how he made that tone as you tried to parallel park that you didn't care for. That's very funny. It turns, you have the flashback memory and suddenly it becomes Hazel, but she's different. There's something different in the eye.

As Greg, Hazel, you're not sure who it is anymore. Is it Bumble? and you see the form then as this form shifts and you see Greg again shriveled and emaciated it as he is covered insoons. Oh no. Eaten by cockroaches. As he did.

As then you see the perfect idealized form of the rat-like visage with the chiseled jaw, long blonde hair and the pristine white toga as he says, open the door of truth as you are ripped back to reality as the door slams and you hear the wailing souls of the pit of unfathomable torment

get a little bit quieter I will land and... I say Binty Oh my goodness Are you okay? What happened? I tried my very best to pull Hazel out from wherever she is but

I was unable to free her however I am diminished, but I have gained the knowledge I think that I need to captain the Wygoor copter. Well, I'm glad it worked out for you, but hasn't anyone told you don't interrupt someone post-mastication? No, I've lived for centuries and no one has ever said that. You never interrupt someone when they're masticating.

It's a private time. No, I know. But I'm glad that you're okay. Dude Bitsy, that thing went in your brain, like right in your ear holes. It wouldn't be the first time. I'm pulling my robes on. I'm fixing my hat up on my head. So is, is Hazel dead?

I do not think that Hazel is dead, merely that she is temporarily one with Bumble. And that Bumble is the dominant mind until Hazel can find her way out. She and it. We'll feed. Feed are the pit of unfathomable torrent. I mean, Hazel's probably enjoying that. Well, if the spirits within taste like sourdough and strawberries. And cherry tomatoes?

Yeah, that sounds pretty good. I mean, to be fair, we don't know if what's happening to her right now is a bad thing. Maybe this is what her and Bumble, this is what they do. Right. Maybe she's just like hibernating, like she had a big pasta salad. If she hadn't been locked within, she would have been as we would have known her. Locked without. When she comes back, do you think she's going to be able to wield the power of thousands of tormented souls? That would be awesome.

That would be so cool. I mean, that would help with our deliveries. That'd be nice. It's a shame we can't unleash her on the, on hell that we're going to now, right here in the moment. The timing is unfortunate to be sure. But you know, if we're all weakened after getting out of hell, then, she can handle the heavy lifting. Okay. I mean, I guess there's nothing left to do now if you feel like you can fly the

Yagocopter. Maybe we, you know, just as an offering the bumble, we would throw in some of those ashes of your enemies as a, you know, thank you for not consuming us and keep Hazel safe. We'll be back from hell shortly. Oh, that's kind. Do you think that once Hazel gets a chance to consume all the souls of the pit of unfathomable tourmen, she can maybe. cover all of our shifts for a day and we can take the day off and go to Cavalon times.

It feels like we've done a whole lot here. Look, here's the thing. I think that's a possibility, but after consuming all of the souls of the pit of infatimable demise or whatever it's called, if you think she's not going to want to come with us to Cabalant, she's going to let us go off to dinner without her. You're wrong. Well, we have to do this job without her, so I figured it's just like a solid thing like a co-worker could do.

I think we should talk about it. I think we should discuss it. And the lunch rates at Kavalon Times are way cheaper than dinner rates, so we can save some notes as well. I like where a hat's at grotto. Yeah, but I'm fine paying the dinner rates. Well, Bincey's got their coupons. Yeah, we all make so much money.

It's not like any of us a strap for cash. Oh, whoa. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I could text my Grammy, I guess. But we can figure that out later once she, you know, finishes consuming all of those. Yeah, you know what?

You missed out on Cavalon Times last time. It's on me. For you, I got you next time. You don't have. It's the least I can... I feel bad. I'm sure my Grammy savings can cover it. That's not necessary. Besides, you've got to save that for your stormbedding.

Oh, I should check on that. As we make her way back to the Lyborgopter. Real quick. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. I ran back with the creamer. And if I can, open the door and yell in. I will scream in and I will say,

Bumble, you took much of my energy and I will trade you. The ashes of my enemies, for that what you took. Do you accept? Make a persuasion check. Oh, maybe. An advantage. Because of what you've lost. I'll use my advantage dice.

That's going to be an 18. Is that minus the four? M18. 14. 14. Uh, you hear a voice. Cast it into the room. I will.

consider. We will consider. I think you will enjoy the taste. And I'll hurl it into the room. I'm really going to have to get Kel's called up. She's watching, I'm sure. You see the fleshy, berry-like alien biology consume it as the door closes. As you hear over the intercom,

oh shucks. The dang fax machine went out again. Let's take a break. We'll take a break there. Neon Odyssey is live on Kickstarter, and early backers get free dice. Neon Odyssey is a 1400-plus page space opera trilogy for D&D 5.5E, and all backers who pledge in the first 72 hours for any physical item will receive a free set of synth sunset sharp-edge resin dice. Time is running out, so make sure you back Neon Odyssey today at

neonrpg.com. That's neonrpg.com. You hear over the intercom. Ah, yes. The Wygore cop is already loaded with the delivery. And I believe that all of the coordinates to where you need to go to cacophony, you should be right in there, so

don't need to stop by and check on me. Oh, Wigor. No need to worry about that. Yes, yes, yes. Ah, yes. Everything's got to be fine. I would be very fine. I would absolutely listen

to what he says and not check on him all the way to the Y-Gor-Copter. What I would like to do is stop my Lost and Found, and I imagine that the Lost and Found has lots of leftover artifacts from, like, dead previous employees. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I'm just looking for, like, a single crutch to help with my busted up leg. Oh, yeah, you absolutely find that. I find

some old, like, nasty crutch, and I use that on my way to the Y-Gorocopter, because my leg is actually made. There's still a skeletal arm attached to it. Yeah, you just kind of shake it off. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. And I will crunch my way to the Y-Gorcopter. Feeling reduced by my experience confronting Bumble

in his purest form, I will also stumble into the Y-Corpster. You make your way to the Y-Gor-Copter, and you see- People are saying that on Twitch, they didn't actually see what happened after Bipsey threw him the ashes, so they don't know whether Bipsey...

Oh. It was unclear to me as well, whether or not I lost. It was, it said, Bumble said that we consider, you'll see it in the vaude. You'll see it in the vaude. That they would consider it. I'm still with two levels of exhaustion. The creamer was accepted, but I did not get any boon from that.

And you all make your way into the Wagyocopter and Bitsy. It's you who sits behind the, and you know how to, You've failed your driving school, especially after that fucking jerk, Greg. Said that rude comment about your parallel parking. But now you suddenly know how to fly the Ygorcopter perfectly. I think about the soilant that he's licking from the spoon right now. And as I start to flip the switches and everything feels very familiar to me.

All of a sudden, a console that as many mysteries as I have been able to unravel in the cosmos, Flight has never been one of them, and yet for whatever reason. Oh, of course. A few flicks here, a tap tap here, a turning of a knob in this direction. I'm going to attempt to bring the Y-copter, Y-GOR copter online, and start to set a course for capital C to coffin it. You press the buttons instinctually. You know the strange.

the sacrifice that you've made now well earned, as you get the sense of where you need to go, and as you feel like you are, that you know exactly where you need to pilot, as once again, the top of the big Wigore statue head opens, and you hear the... As the propellers were, as you all take, you all get to your stations,

you enjoy a little bit of Nintendo 64, and Clay Fighter, 63 and three quarters. As it... Oh, Big Zam again. I always read the Big Sam. As you get your ass kicked by Big Zam, who shouldn't be there. We're gun and battle assault, too. Yeah, exactly. Every game, Big Sam is there.

As you press a few buttons, and then all of a sudden, your destination is a coughony. as you hear, As you're on Bixiecom. As suddenly you all smell sulfur and brimstone.

As you all see the entire, the Wigercopter goes completely dark and smothered in shadow with just hints of red all along

the entire space. The screen goes dark on the TV. Your console goes dark. Oh, no. As is simultaneously too hot and too cold. It smells overly saccharine and horrifically

pungent at the same time. As the entire Wigor-Copter shakes and goes as you feel like your stomachs leave you as if it's not like flying across Arcadia. It's not like flying even into the, to the hypergrid, or flying into the galaxy proper as you burst into a realm of chaos and evil. As all around you,

you feel like you've been warped into this horrible storm. As you see crackling bolts of chaotic lightning all around you, but everything is red and smoky and shades of gray scale, deep, deep, deep shadows and hellish reds all around you. As suddenly you feel like you don't know which way is up,

but you know that you have to get forward and you don't have to travel very far. As you see ahead of you, what looks like a what looks like a very, simple, dark door that is ahead of you. And there's the symbol of what looks like an eye on this door.

As you realize now that it's floating on this, or it's on this hunk of floating rock amidst the storm of cacophony all over around you. You've arrived at the hellish realm of cacophony. And it'll take you no more than a minute to land on this floating, almost like a piece of meteor, or a piece of asteroid in this hellish storm. My hands are flying across the console.

I'm flipping switches. I am piloting left and right, dodging, I imagine, veins of lava that are flying and other rocks as we continue to fly closer and closer towards this door. And Bissy gets to say something that she wanted to say, of the inspiration for becoming a pilot in the first place. She taps on the communication so that the rest of the ship can hear, in the pipe, five by five. And I continue to rocket forward as I pilot the Hawaii Gorkopter closer and closer, trying to look out for danger

if there's any in any direction. I will need you to make a, make a dexterity check with your, transport at advantage or because you have expertise and your provision. What the hell, man? I rolled a two and a three. And so that's going to be a six minus four is two. Six minus four is two. You have double your proficiency. Fuck.

Sorry, I'll add an additional two to that. I'm sorry, I get four. Nice. You remember the four. horrible things that great. In the prime, five, bide, five, f. As you, that's actually happens,

as you get ripped forward rocket, as you try to, uh, land in, but then you get ripped in as a massive, uh, burst of chaos storm hits you. As you get whipped up almost in this maelstrom, as you spin around and around and around, as you see, you realize now that in, in this horrible storm of cacophony,

that this, uh, this hunk of, fiendish asteroid that you're trying to get to is almost shaped like a perfect circle once you realize that as you see above and below that amongst, midst all the red lightning and red flame, you see almost pitch black below you and pitch black above you as if there's a pitch black eye, a pair of pitch black eyes watching you

from above and below. As you are whipped around, as you make a violent crash landing onto this thing. And I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throw and a charisma saving throw, dexterity saving throw first. Dex? Yep. I'm pretty good at that. That's not bad.

I'm 16. Okay. And charisma. Oh my God, I crushed it. Couragema. I'm just very charismatic. What can I say? Ooh.

Oh. Oh, everyone, decks first? 16. 15. 21. 16. 14's the lost. Yep. 14. Bitsy. You're going to take 19 points of bludgeon damage.

19. Yeah. God. 19? Okay, well, my Christmas throw doesn't matter because I smash into the console, thinking of Greg and cursing his name as my hat flies off of my body and I slump into it. unconscious body form against the ground. And I will say that there are paddles on the bottom of the the Y-Gorgopter to straight, left, and right. I fall on the left strafe paddle and all of a sudden the entire Y-Gor-Copter starts

flying left. Oh my God. As I am down. As Bitty is slumped over and now you all feel yourself start to spin with Y-Gore's face, almost grinding into this asteroid. that's spinning, and it's not enough to lift it up, but you are slowly moving in this strange,

gyrating pattern. Bitchy! Oh. Bitchy, get up! I'm like in a... I got my crutching one. I'm in a chair way in the back. Oh, my God!

She looks like, Bintz! She's like, she looks like Bintz! I run up to Bitsy, and I put my hands on her. I lay my hands on her, and you'll see my hands sort of glow because I'm wearing, like, cool sci-fi gloves. As I just start putting her, bitchy, uh, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it. Bixie, were you out of Bitsy coins? When I dropped the zero hit points, I can spend the token. No, I, uh, all of a sudden, a lemon, uh, you see, a lemon, uh, a, uh, a, um, from the floor, it touches your paw, brought to one hit point instead. It splats on the floor. I can't use that again.

I'm going to cross it out. And so, just so I remember correctly, it was Jean-Claude and Booker that got like 15 or higher on their original charisma salesman? Oh, charisma? Yes. You haven't checked?

No, no, earlier at the very beginning of the first Chrisma check. Oh, that was just the two of you. That was just us. Okay. I need to now know your charisma saving threat. I got 25. 118.

20 on the dot. Okay. 16. Okay. 15. Okay. 21. Okay.

You all feel, you all smell the stink and the sweet. You feel the hot and the cold. As all of these strange sensations that are around you, as you feel mockery, you feel hate, you feel all of your war worst impulses, as hell itself leaks in around you, as Grumley has made you conscious. But the wire helicopter is still spinning.

I pull myself up onto the console, releasing the pressure from the left strafe button, and I look at the... Fiction, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it. I look all around through the windows, and I look at what is happening directly in front of me, because I imagine there's still a tremendous amount of turbulence that's happening. What do I think that I need to do in order to correct this as I curse under my breast? damn it, Craig, tell me to check the mirrors one more fucking time.

I need you to make another transport check. Do your music. Double your advantage. Another dexterity vehicle. Do, actually, why don't you use intelligence if you'd like? Doesn't matter.

Roll the natural one. Your advantage. At advantage? Thank God. I'll use my advantage dyes. Surely it'll be fine. Not a one. Okay.

Okay. I can't see if that is true. Don't forget you have to minus five. Four. Six. Not too bad. I love it. I love it. I love it. I don't think even as a 10 that was gonna pass, Derek. Oh my, my, fuck.

Bincey's gonna have to start his match, you go, are you sure you were granted with Elrich Nalind? As you settle down, as you, as it starts a slug, and it finally stops. You know what I think? Bumble didn't actually go. Bincey just lie. Bidsey just lies.

Straight out. I actually left my checkpoint in my shitty apartment back in Arcadia and I go home. You feel sick and suddenly it stops and you are like, oh, thank God. And then, fuck it once again.

Wipped up. As you look up above you, as you see now, they're, everyone make a perception check a disadvantage. This is so fucked up. Disadvantage?

Oh, but I got a natural 20. Oh, that's so bad. 13. 13. No, perception check. Perception check. Thank you. 13.

Also 11. Five. My good luck. I don't know what you're going to do with this. If I were you, I'd be like, what the fuck do I do? I feel like Luke Skywalker in that looping video. Yeah. Falling down the trash compartment.

All you see is the the, the, the cough in a storm all around you. No, you'd have any sense. But the strange kind of almost, it looks like a pitch black above and below you and you almost feel like you're in this perfect cylindrical shape as you're being whipped around. And then I'm going to make one more transportation. Oh, no.

I'm screaming at the top of my life. You can do intelligence as well. Did any of us do well on perception? No. No. No. Oh my God. Oh, no.

That's a minute. At a minute. Okay. I can use intelligence. 15. Wow. You are able to get, finally bring it back in. I need one more dexterity savings from all of you.

At disadvantage you're regular. Regular. Okay. Because of the success. Oh, baby. I got another 16. 12. 17.

21. I was built for these decks and charisma checks, man. Eight on the doubt. Everyone who got under a 15, you take eight. 11 points of bloodied... Oh! She's snagged!

I like hobble over him on my crutch. I hurt my robot leg. You hurt to robot leg? My robot leg hurts. I didn't even know that was possible. You're feeling in your robot leg? You know, it's kind of unclear. We don't have time of back. I try to put Grumley over my shoulder with my crutch and my one arm and hobble him over to Bitsy and see if he can save her.

Uh, Booker, they said they were gonna make me more bitling than bitling, and I don't know if they succeeded. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on, get you to Bitsy, come! And I'm like trying to Sam and Frodo carry him over to Bitsy with a crutch in one arm and try to get you to Bitsy to see you can't back her up. Oh. You got a healer.

Come on! Oh! You can't do it. I'm like holding the crumns one hand. I can't play the saxophone one-handed. Oh. I don't know. if I can heal a one foot in.

One robot foot in. You never once used to robot fucking heal anybody. Bitsy, make a death saving throw for me. It's also minus four on that. Yeah. It's all D20 tests. Okay. I get a

dirty one. Bincey set up shop in hell. Bincey ain't able to leave in hell. The thing is in Neon Odyssey, we have sci-fi claskins and Tsunni Enforcer instead of Lay-on-A-Han The future is called Lay on two robot feet.

That's not what it's gone. Like I saw that on my character sheet earlier. And how am I gonna hear? I guess I could try. I place one of my robot feet. I pull my camera out and I start filming it. And a jolt of electricity will emerge from my foot.

And you'll go, And I'm going to heal Bitsy for one point of hell. Okay. I wasn't at my full strength, but did that work? Bitsy? Are you okay, unconscious? You see a small amount of vapor emerged from Bitsy's mouth. Are we landed? Yeah, you guys crash landing.

Oh, we crashed down. I pull myself up. We stop, who stop, we stop. By the gods! This is the night. We're after a terrible start. Did you know that most aviation disasters are either on takeoff or landing?

That's the reason. That makes sense. Bidzee, how are you feeling? I feel like a tomato squeezed out of a hamburger right now. It's bad. It's bad. I feel like a drop pie. What are we going to do?

Oh, there's nothing sadder than a drop pie. Do you feel like, spilled butter sauce on light beige khaki pants exactly grins something worse in that feeling but you didn't piss yourself

did you? Surprisingly not thank the gods thank the gods do we do you just know

because if not there's a weird smell and you God forbid I ask a question about the camera. How could you? We're over here making the quality piss and shit. You smell, Andy. You smell kind of.

This is why we need to replace you. You just don't get it. I don't get it. I'm doing something. I was doing something. I say Bitsy, why you clean up all that shit in your pants? We should go through that door with the eye that's on it. Well, I think the problem is Bidsey's wearing a robe, so.

I'm not wearing any pants. It's just smeared between you. I can't believe I'm gonna say this. I saw it all the crater asteroid thing, I vote we murder bitchy. I do, I agree. I need her to death with my crutch. Yeah, what's my big bruce? He's on me at this point.

Oh, what has Mr. Weigel what were delivered? That's why I was Louis about to be like, do you have a dossier, do we have anything? You have a mission brief. He asked us to check on him on the way of the Weigel. Oh, no, he said it was loaded into the Compton. No, he said it was loaded into the Codoo. We didn't even bring it with us. It's still bad.

I was going to say it was loaded in. Ask is do we have any kind of dossier or missing brief or any information? You do have a dossier. Thank you. Oh, by the gods. Oh, that's funny. Oh, thank you.

And you are able to grab it, and you see that the sum is for a tremendous number of notes. Wonderful. Tremendous number of notes. And you see that the for the delivery. Butsies with me.

Nothing trying about it. He's been doing that with everybody. There is no trying. There is two or two. There is no try. And you know it says speak with client first. Okay.

And I assume we have some information on where the client is. He was talking about the different, you know, sins and... It's through the door. Shuffling off that, right. I'm just making sure from a meta perspective, we know we're about it.

He said we'd land right there. We'd land I take the dossier I take the trusty card reader next card reader that we always use and I like

stashed them into my pocket and I have my crutch and I'm like alright okay buckle up we gotta go through that we gotta go through that door

oh sweet gods we're already a fucking champion Peggy is perfectly fine I'm just hovering in the middle of the space right do you have an extra one of those

The crutch? No, I took it from the old lost and found. I think an old dead employee left it behind. There's an old man back there. I got nothing for you, buddy. I guess I'll just sadly leave.

Can you just turn your bottom half into a wheel? Oh yeah. You need the equipment of like sympathy pain. Come on, we gotta go. I wheeled down the gangplank. Okay, yeah, you do. Right behind as fast as I can go.

You wheel down the gangplank, you hear around you. The screams of the dam and the tormented. As you arrive, it's front of this massive door that seems to be made out of this ancient-looking stone split down the middle, a double door. And there's four quadrants in each one. have these strange, horrible markings on it as you arrive and you see that the split, that down the middle is glowing with this pulsing red energy.

I waste no time, and I'm hobbling and crotching my way as fast I can't. I can't put it over the door and I'm... Hello? Listen! I mean, like, that are there manners of pieces? As, so you're the one who's at the front. Yeah, I don't even, I just, I hobble as fast. I'm way in the way.

I'm way in the back. As, as, as you hear a voice emanate through, as one quadrant of this door kind of pulses with this, a dull, almost like, there's still reds, but it's like a coolish red, and you feel cold. as you hear a voice What is it that you sacrifice Sacrifice

So what do you mean sacrifice I Look at us We're in shambles We're here to make a delivery We were told to speak with a client My name is Booker T. Raccoon And I work for Seer Cool Delivery Express

Circle Express delivery company Please let us say I can give up a gallon of breast milk What? What? What? Will you sacrifice what is needed to enter the door? Pace of the breast milk thing. The breast milk thing. Can we do the breast milk thing?

Do you have that on hand? It's going to take time to like procure that. It'll take about 10 minutes or so. I got to turn the pump on. As Peggy, as something, a one of the different panel flashes, and it has these, once again, the same reds, but there's hints of these oranges and embers, and it feels sickly. And then you hear,

Absolutely not. We don't hear that. We turn our ears off. We take our ears off. And you get the sense, Peggy, that it is asking you to pledge to sacrifice what's needed to enter the door. Somehow from all that, I understood that it's asking me to sacrifice what's needed to end of the door. Oh, you can understand that? You know what that means? Do you have any idea?

Well, I was hoping the breast milk thing would work. I mean, people paid off dollars for that. I mean, it march to work. Speaking of which, someone's been stealing my breast milk out of the refrigerator at work? Which one of you fucks has been taking that? Oh, yeah. This reminds me. Nope, nope, nope.

Feeling it's that new guy, Mr. Blisset, but I'm not under potential. Oh, boy. I need all of you to make a Christmas saving, so. I need to go home. Oh, no. Outrageous. Oh, no. Oh, thank God.

Finally got cuts. Is it charisma? Oh, oh no. 10. This was an advantage, right? Nope. It's a Christmas save. I got an eight.

I wrote a natural one. Peggy? What are you good? I got a three. As you all, suddenly all four panels open. They flash, and you hear as the glowing red energy pulses, as the doors open. And you hear, as, uh, you hear,

ah, as, uh, as, uh, As a strange room of a dark room is before you. As you hear Booker. You may enter. Bring us our delivery. I don't even, well, do we know, shit, do we have like a package or something?

Step into the room. I'm looking. I go right in there. I just hopped. I run in as fast as I can hobble in on my crutch. You'll enter? I'm right behind him. You can all enter.

I'm right behind him. I limp. I limp in. I wheel. I speed in. As the door slams behind you, as quiet somewhat, returns.

I'm starting a while. Hello, Did anyone actually pay the price? Because I didn't give up anything. It's extremely unclear. If we survived this, can I just put in a humble request that everyone accurately labels

the various creakers in the office? I don't think that's too much to ask. That's a very valid request. That's just good thing. Guys, I'm beginning to think that we're the sacrifice. I think it might be the delivery. To the door that's behind us, I assume. There's no way.

Weigel wouldn't do that to us. Who else is going to deliver his stuff? That's right. He can't lose a whole delivery crew and just replace them overnight. Yeah, I mean, think about... He's desperate. Wait, wait a minute. What happened to the crew before us?

Oh, Mr. Weigar does reminisce about them, that's true that they torn to shreds a lot. The Lost and Found is just full of random old employees. That's why I found this crutch. Oh, and then there was the crew before that. Yeah, and why do they all seem to quit working at the same time? Oh, that's a good, hmm. Hello?

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hey, we're here. We enter just like you asked. We're here to make the delivery. We're here, we're here. And you see now that this is a strange room of ancient, ancient stone, and it looks like it's almost like you're in a ruin.

Of, is it a throne room? Is it a temple? It's hard to tell And Bitsy, I need to make a history check For me at advantage Me and these dice aren't going to roll. If you're hoping that I win this. Oh my god. You got it. 13. Fins of Xerxes.

Wow. As As As As These, you see four corners of the stone ruined chamber alight. And four

And four figures are sitting within. As you see in one corner that's cool and cold and dark is a being that looks almost skeletal. And there's a hint of rat, but you feel like it's actually with more pointed ears, it's almost bat-like, but it's almost like a being of desiccated flesh and skeletal fragments. In the other corner,

you see that there is a being that's almost made entirely out of metal tubing and strange fiendish machinery that's glowing and pulsating with this horrid, it almost looks like muscle or intestine, but it's very clearly a living machine. In the other, you look, you see what looks like a mad, horrible, but also dummy thing. That's very dummy thick and actually surprisingly, shockingly beautiful. The first two seem to be male. The next other two figures seem to be female as that was the one. The other one, it looks almost like a person at first, but you realize now where it's a vaguely humanoid shape, but it seems to be almost, you look closer and it's very

insectile. You see too many eyes, too many limbs. and too many joints of this chiteness being. As, uh, you- God, one of them is sexy and the other one's like a gesture or something. You, you stand, you realize now you're standing

in the center of this chamber, despite stepping through a door, you are now in the center. As these four beings are staring at you. Ah, no. What? Hello, we're the delivery people from Seacool,

Delivery company. We were sent by, you know, to deliver the, well, some kind of thing. Actually, don't have anything to even deliver. If you're going to need four gallons, it's going to take a little longer than 10 minutes, so. I need you to sign this, this electronic thing and transfer the notes over so we can be on our way. Our uncle has finally made the agreement. This is where it happened. Uh, what does that mean? Yeah, yes, yes. I said, uh, uncle, you mean, you mean Wago? No, I think Unk, it's like the new kid's slang for like Uncooled. Oh, who?

Yeah. What does say he- John Claude was the anger. John Claude, you hear... The insectile creature on the throne opens her manables. In response. I kid you. We're at the center of it all.

We're right here. This is where it happened. This is where it began. No, this is where it ends! Yes! Yes! The metallic hell machine, automaton man. Bless you, Mikey.

Bless you. Okay, so I'll pause for a minute. The beginning and... Means, we just need to sign. Wait, so sign here, transfer the notes and we can be on our way. But what did we deliver, though? Did we make it delivery?

It doesn't matter. We just got to get the signature and get out of you. But here at Booker... it says note, colon, speak to client. Right, right. It'll all sort itself out as soon as they just sign, give us the money, we can go. Oh.

Yeah, if you could sign, and you'll get a question on the next screen, and will she be looking away away. Yeah, if you could please just try, give us full five stars because we went through a lot. As the voluptuous, hot, sexy clown jester, looks at you, grumly, and gestures forward.

I think you mean volumptuous. Ooh. Just, does she mean me or not? It looks like she's pointing you. Yeah. Just, just, just wheel on over to you. Yeah, just, you know, talk to the client. That's what I'm supposed to do.

Ask if there's a Mrs. Hocity clown gesture. Hi, my name is Brumley. A real cutie for duty. She's coughing all over. That's what my grandma says. Oh, your granny speaks the truth. Here's your payment. As you see that there is a card that is held up.

And it inserts into the machine that you have. Yeah, I took it from Booker. Yeah, it's awesome. All right, there's a couple more questions. Oh, do you want your receipt printed, emailed, or both? Oh, damn, hold on. Beep, beep, beep. You get the threat.

And Cacophany Financial, my voice is my password. It's of December week. The beans of cacophie have reliable... As finally, you hear a bing-hawr question on the street. No tip, honey, as cute as you are. That's okay. Printing email to both.

You have to answer the question. Can we expense this? Full with the IRS. I'll just click both. Actually, no, I'll just none. None, I click none. Thank you. And then you hear the voice.

And now we can finally be free with the sacrifice of souls. corrupted by cacophony. I can't believe it's what's so... And we have a vessel of our salvation to teleport us out of this prison after our treacherous father imprisoned us here to free him of wickedness and sin

and hate and mortal folly. This doesn't sound good guys. We might not be getting out of this one. What do you mean? I think Wygore sent us to our deaths Well, no, I'm sure whatever bag we brought has the souls in it. We are the bags.

There's no bag. Correct. You have a bag. It's not that easy. Only just now occurs to me that we're doomed. And we'll finally get our revenge on that dang all homunculus

what created us. I didn't want to roll for initiative. I was forward. You see the sin. The sin. you see the mortal folly of Wigurus homunculus. It rise from their thrones,

and you now see that these thrones are built on the dead of Xerxes in this strange realm. And you realize now before you, as a massive glowing glyph emerges beneath you, strange runic symbols of cacophony, but it all seems to be in the shape of an eye. a symbol of truth. As you are the delivery,

you are the sacrifice, I need everyone's initiative rules. I can't believe it. I got a 21. I never saw this coming. I got a 20. I got a 19. You see what Grumley sounds like now.

16. This is what Peggy sounds like now. Booker Grumley, Peggy. What did you get? Biffy and then John calls that for Bitson. So, So I was 17.

I was 17, 16. 16. Wow, we did really well. Shockingly. It's the first 18 I've rolled all night. How's that we're doing what hit point was? Bitsy's great. Full, full.

Two thirds. I'm gonna just help you up. I'm at gaming and shit on it. I mean. No, you would know. We know that Bitsy is. My eyes are looking really normal. All of it happened in the copter

beforehand, so it's pretty obvious. I just wanted to make sure everybody else was reasonably. Okay. And you've been RPing the ankle, but that's not mechanically right. No. No, no. Okay. He mangled my ACL and my MCL. You just couldn't open the door. That was going to happen. I roll like a five. Okay. And then probably twisted my leg off.

Oh, sorry. And his long game will never be the same. That's right. That's right. Oh, sorry, no. This is rough. Okay. Oh my god. Oh, this makes so much sense. Perfect. Booker. to do it. Booker, you are up. As you see, as this strange skeletal bat-like fiend rises, these are, you realize now that this is the essence of corruption, of mockery, of folly, of sin, of hate, of malevolence.

As you see this, you feel a chill, as this colds, this Silco Luzer looks at you. What do you do? I lean on my crutch as I try to free up both of my hands and with a flourish and a digital sound from the, from Arcadia itself. My saxophone will materialize out of nowhere as I say, all right, guys, let's keep the faith, baby. No worries. And I begin to just absolutely just soul jam the hell out of this. And I'm going to start by casting cure wounds on Bitsy at a second level. So that will be 3D8 plus five healing. Yeah.

Nice. That's gonna be... Oh, is it? It's a 2D8 plus... Oh, maybe this is out of the 2D8 plus... Oh, yes, you're right. You're right. I misread it. Thank you. Is that affected by your subclass? No. Well, I have something else I can do when you save it. I don't believe it gives me any extra...

You don't get any oomph? I don't think so. That's all right. I have a special thing that I can do that's not relevant right now. That is gonna be 19 points of healing. That's massive. That's massive. I didn't roll great, but it's better than nothing. That takes me almost to fall.

Because I have my smooth jazz feature where I can make it affect everybody, but that's why I was asking how weak everybody was. I don't want to use it yet to... To Avalier's, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're here? This one, smooth jazz is here. I can choose to affect up to five other creatures when I cast a... I did in the very first episode. Oh, Abjuration or Enchantment. Yes.

But I don't want to do that yet while you guys aren't weak. The soul jamming is just like a reverse. You can make somebody fail if they pass. So this just gives us temp HP. So if you wanted to use this... Oh, it does. Tempe HP doesn't heal us. So there'd be no loss of...

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I miss on your... Thank you. I'm cashinging on smooth jazz. Hell yeah. After I cast an abjuration or enchantment spell, which True Wounds is an enchantment spell, I can choose to expend a use of iconic inspiration,

which I will do, to... to choose up to five other creatures within 60 feet of myself. Charmed and frightened conditions end on each target, and the target gains the number of temporary hit points equal to two roles of my iconic inspiration die. Come on. Thank you for reminding me.

Can I steal D6? Did you get it? Yeah. Three. Two. Five point temporary hit points to everybody. Oh, thank you. Five?

Yeah, five temp HP, which is a little bit better than, nah, it's pretty shitty, actually. That's great. Nothing. It'll be worse. Better than zero temp. points. One, two, three, four, five. And then I have, how many do I have? That's my own turn. That's my own turn. I don't even want to move. I am just laying down this jazz track to try to bolster and heal up my friends. That's all I got. Entropy steps forward and almost levitating off the ground as he glides down towards you. You have a bit in the center of your soul, feed the as I feed as he grabs, makes a claw attack against you,

slashing at you with these huge bone-like claws. That might hit actually. 18? Yeah, it is. Okay. That's gonna deal five points of slashing damage and two points of cold. All right, it takes you damage. And you are now grappled.

Oh, ah! As you're grappled in his claws, And then suddenly you feel the world turned to ash. As you look as both Booker and entropy, puff into a burst of ash and cold burst out. As Hughes' bonus action for Ash in step, he can bring, oh no, make Christmas saving throw to see if you teleport with him. Come on.

12. 13. You got me. As you both ban. back to his throne. As he looks down at you and opens his jaw and unhinges, as he goes, as you see the pit of entropy within his mall,

as he's going to use siphon life, make a constitution saving throw for me, but because you're on a throwing your disadvantage. Jeez. Awesome. Damn, that's cool. Constitution, you say? Yep.

D.C. 13. I got a nine. I got a nine. You gain one exhaustion level. Yoids. Oh my god. That's injured. No damage, only you're up. No damage. No. Okay, just exhaustion. Hold on.

I need drip. Yep. But you're not restrained. You're just grappled. Got it. Let me just make sure that this is part of the attack action. It is. I will look up at this this thick, dummy thick clown.

Oh, honey. We're not going to be your sacrifices. We can't be the delivery. There must be some kind of mistake. Mr. Weigel would betray us like this. Is there any effect the fact that I failed by saving for initial? Not that you're aware of.

Okay. But I have been marking how many you've saved. Oh. At the end of your turn, make a charisma saving towel. Excuse me. Yeah. Oh. Damn it. It's 12.

That's two for Booker. Yikes. Two levels of exhaustion? Yeah? Two fails. Two fails. I wonder what the magic number for to cough in the... Yeah, it's even lower because of the exhaustion thing for the reminder. Oh!

So I definitely failed that. My visor would start scanning with these like yellow scan lines and I'll say, acquire and target. You want to corrupt me. Well, if you're gonna corrupt me, do you want to see a magic trick? Uh, and I'm gonna pull out my gun. and I'll say, I'll show you a magic trick. And then I'll reach into my junior detective's pack

and I'll pull out a little book and I'll open it. And it's like a bunch of kind of squiggly, multi-colored lines. And I'll say, so if you look at this from far away, it doesn't really look like anything, but then if you like look at it really close and try to cross your eyes and then pull it far away, you can kind of see a dinosaur. See?

There's a magic drink for you. Anyway, die! And I'm gonna shoot it and- And Booker, you, I don't even see this, but your eyes now have turns inky black. And that matches the void that you feel within you. Oh, that's pretty good. That might hit.

20 to hit. 20 hits. It's better. We're going to bonus action. Cosmic smite this. That's very smart. Good. I'm trying to, I'm trying to avoid.

Beginning action economy here, superiority. I'm trying to avoid falling, afraid of this foul demon, the demon, the demon, and was it 2D8? It's a fiend. It is a fiend. Oh, wait, but it's a fiend.

My cosmic smite deals. Do I have it here? Oh, my God, hold on, hold on. I should have this up beforehand. Is this right? Is this legacy? It increases by 1D8 that the target is a fiend or undead. Will that work here?

Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm just gonna smite the fuck out of this. Let's see here. So first, 22 points of damage. Six of it is thunder, the rest is radiant. Doesn't matter as far as damage type. As you blast with this electrical, this laser blast,

as it punctures into her, as it actually punches in a tight, an entire hole this rips into her. As she's now bloodied, as she says, that wasn't very nice, cutie. Is that your turn? And then with my remaining movement, I'm going to look over and see that Booker's not in a position. And I'll say,

huh, huh. Two, three, I'm pretty fast. I'm gonna roll up here and just try to get next to this guy. I'll go here. Actually, I'll go here. in case someone else wants to show up and attack this guy too. And just be next to Booker just for my next turn to help him. That's my turn.

As it is now Thrill's turn. Her flesh closes back together, this strange rubberiness. It almost kind of has this ink as if she's animated by actual ink. It glues back together. And she says, hold on, honey, you can't get away that easily. Drown out the pain with Mama Thrill. As you see her start to change and shift, it uses her bonus action to use mockery.

As she then turns into this horrible, her eyes bulge out, her tendrils turn into these pug-like ears. She turns into a strange, grotesque mockery of you grumbling. as she steps forward within 30 feet. Sorry, within 30 feet. Is it two grumly? Two grumly. Oh, easy.

Right? Oh, not melee, not melee. Just with, we should she get there. She does something move like five feet. You're not the only one with the firearm. I kept gun, and you're not going to meet God because we have killed them. And she pulls out the strange cartoonish gun. and with a paint gun will fire.

I'm picturing the guns in the mask when he pulls them out and they're like the rubbery, like, Gatling guns would show up and whatnot. That's going to be an 18-hipp. That misses. It misses. Wow. Because she was a mockery of you,

it would have done extra damage to you. But I'll just tell you, because she's a mockery of you, you have advantage on all attacks on her. And so that's the trade-off. Just grumbling? Just grumbling. Just asking.

She has increased damage on you. You have advantage on her. That is her turn. Yeah. Okay. Nice try. Peggy, as I wheel back and forth and dug. Peggy, I'm going to rise into the air,

just kind of hovering there. And I'm going to look around. I can't get all of them, but three you'll do. and I'm gonna shoot out. I'm gonna use scorching ray. Yes, guys. But you're just gonna see, instead of fire, you see all of these red zeros and ones

head towards three of them. It's gonna be, I'm gonna need to one, three, and four. Because those are the ones closest to me. That's all but, uh. Can you actually give me their numbers? I don't have that written down. All but thrill. All but thrill.

So one is progress. Okay, one is progress. Well, all. Three is instinct. Oh, three is instinct. Two is thrill. Two is thrill. Two is thrill.

Four is entropy. Okay. Got it. Roll attacks? So yes, I'm going to do that. Oh, I guess I should have. So everyone but entropy? Everybody but thrill. But thrill, okay, got it. No, Andrew. Yeah, one through and four.

One, three, and four. I've been transferring my luck this entire time to Peggy, and so one of these is going to be an actual 20. I think you're right. You were wrong. Let me see, it's plus five. So 17. To which one?

17 to one. Okay, that was the AC, good. Oh, okay, great. So that's the only one that's going to, hit that. Whoa. They don't all with the same AC. Whoa. Uh-huh. They don't all with the same AC. Oh. Number three is definitely not going to hit, but that's a 12. Okay. Misses. And then it's a 16 to number four. 16 is the AC. Oh, that's fucking nice. You barely hit it. Oh, it was actually, it was a 13 for three. Did I say that? Maybe I said. Barely misses. Yeah, yeah. There's instinct is 14. Wow. Wow. So they are going to three. They all have different ACs. So,

So two is going to take 10 points of fire damage. Not two, not two. I'm sorry, one is gonna think. 10 points of fire. Yeah. And then four is gonna take eight points of fire damage. And then I might need a little bit of ruling on this with malicious code. It's a code that you deploy in production,

has security holds to exploit later. When you deal damage to a creature with a spell that uses a spell slot, which these do, You can take a bonus action to exploit the hole in their security for one minute. The target subtracts 1D6 from the next D20 test it makes within the duration. Two of them took damage. So can I use my bonus action to exploit both of their holes? Phrasing.

You probably have to choose one. I think you have to choose one. I think it mentions the target. The target. I am going to use my bonus action to exploit the hole of entropy. Okay. And so entropy will subtract 1D6 from their next D20 test within the duration. And entropy took eight damage and progress took 10?

Yes. Okay. I have it good. As they both get blasted back. But you see that entropy is just focused on draining the life from Booker. I do see that. I don't like it at all. And then you see progress say,

Oh, you're tax of futile. Stop resisting! As with that, is that your turn? That's my turn. Okay. Amazing. It's so fun. It is instinct's turn. As she looks at you, Peggy, as she skitters, surprising to that,

and she says that very eloquently. Oh. Oh, look, it's the hot one. No, don't, hold on, oh. No, it's fine. I think it's good. I think it's very good. This is appropriate, absolutely. She lines up, and you see your mandibles dripping with acid,

and within a 30-foot cone, she's going to get the three of you. As it blasts out, all of you need to make a dexterity saving through DC's 13. Natural 20. Nice. Natural 14. You will take half damage. One moment. If you succeed.

Natural 14. 17. 19. Minus 4 is 10. Gets me to 10 plus 3. 13. You pass.

Oh, you pass. DC's 13. 13. Yeah, meter beat. Speaking of 13, you will take 13 if you fail of acid damage. You will take half if you succeeded.

Nice. So six. So all of our temp, HP, is gone. That is her turn. Tempe HP. And she'll have to see if she retarters that. With that, It's Bitsy's turn.

Bitsy Lil Bintzy. Alright, I'm just giving myself a quick. HP Calc. Oh, sorry. Christmas saving throw, Christmas saving throw. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, we'll all remember to do that. I will remember to do that at the end of my turn.

I probably fail. Oh, gosh. You want a nugget. Nine. I need a, I'm scared nugget. You look in horror as you start to reflect the mockery that she projects onto you. As your fur starts to turn white, as you start to get these markings

that almost look like, rather than a pug, almost like a Frenchy, like a clown dog, as your nose starts to get larger as you become more clown-like in your corruption. No, I should have magic trick. Okay, sorry. It is busy's turn.

I am going to, I'm going to move over here and launch a blast of Eldridge Energy as I whisper to the many orbs of power that I command and I launch this attack at number three. This is just going to be a classic Elders blast and that's going to absolutely miss. That's going to be a 11 to hit. 11 misses. Yep. And with my bonus action, as I am moving, you will see these whispers shroud me. Literally a cloak of voices made manifest as spirits and

and smoke envelop my robes. I'm also casting armor of secrets to give myself ten temporary hit points. Nice. Just jumping into, just plain defense, really, because Bitsy's not feeling so great. Okay, John Claude. Real quick, before you take your turn,

I'm having a brain moment. How many squares is 60 feet diagonally? I can't even see that. 60 feet diagonally? Yeah. One, two, three, four. Plenty, okay. That exhaustion is so painful.

John Barronier. You're up. I will see all of my allies engage, and I will activate my... Who is this? As I twirl on one foot. And like Eskinor the lion's sin of pride, I grow, and my shirt rips off of me,

and my leathers take form, and I pull my fountain pen out of its pocket protector, and I whip as it swirls around me like a spiral as my clothes change shape. I say, assay! You think you are smart locking us in here with you, but you are locked in here with us, creatures of the night.

Vogs slay our thirsts for the wretched blood of demons of Cacophani! You cannot be the incestral weapon of how shan't declare. Oh, it is the one in the same, you nasty Vard. You are a miserable. I'll say, I'll say this pile of secrets will reduce you to a miserable pile of ash. And I will attack. My greatest saving throw was a 15.

Thank you. You pass. My ancestral house's greatest enemy, the Vard. Even if you've done this transformation in full view of everyone, Booker still doesn't see it. No, I think everyone is like, everyone was like, everyone was. I'm not even looking go, but he sees this. That literally was behind everyone else, except for all of the tones of Discord.

Right. They would know. They would know, maybe. They still have to succeed on the case. They still got to make the check. They don't know. Yeah, they don't know what happened there. They're confused to settle. I, that's a 25 to hit the bar. That'll hit. He has the power. Oh, oh, oh.

And that Mr. Chanticleer is here. You always show up with the best moments. Uh, I believe 15 points of radiant damage. Nice. Nice. 15 points. It, he lets out a hiss as you, this whip of radiance just blasts him. 15, that is pretty intense.

Hold on one sec, let me do 15. He takes it and he's looking rough. He's looking rough. No, it cannot be you will be a power of sacrifice to escape the ruins of sex. I'll just also claim that I'm going to become resistant to piercing, radiant, and slashing damage. Nice. Okay. That is my damage resistance tied to my surging form, or my surge.

And you get a choice. Why? Why do you get to choose? Because I get to choose because I'm surging as an eternal. I get to choose three damage types from the following. What are the options? Bludgeoning, fire, lightning, piercing, radiant, and slashing. I don't know if you guys think those are silly choices, but...

I think that maybe, if I could offer an option. Oh, please, yeah. I was like, I don't think the firelightening. You see this robot guy sparking with electricity. That's fair. That's fair. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they probably don't like anything about Ravian. It was my guess.

I mean, maybe. Did somebody do Raining damage already? No. No? Okay, I'll go piercing. That's my suggestion. And lightning. Well, no, I did, but in terms of being resistant. Oh, maybe that's what I was thinking of.

I was not trying to met a game. I was just merely pointing out how fucking cool surges in neon. Oh, it's great. Go to neon RPG. It's great. Um. You see, as the damage that Peggy's blast of virus had done, starts to repair itself.

As self-repair, it heals 10 damage, fully healing. Oh, progress. Progress is the last to go. Let me just double check here. Progress is the one in my face, right? No, that's insane. Progress is over here on the throne. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on. No, no, no, hasn't left the throne yet. I think this might be my finest work yet. Oh, it like self-y-y-level. This is great, thank you. For those of students, Kenai viewers at home, I've drawn the alchemical symbol.

You're being our neon matmaker. I'll order you a plethora of dry erase brokers. Thank you. I need every color of rainbow. You got it. You cannot stop the march of progress. Because I have a gun. As you see progress pull out this huge crackling,

what are you going to do? A light plasma rifle that is crackling with energy as he will levy his aim, one at Peggy, one at Bitsy. Remember, not clocking off at lunch is time theft. Re-60 no scope as he spins around. Jump shots as he will. Chef wishes. We're getting Peggy. Oh man, natural seven plus five is a 12.

So close, but not close enough. Bitsy? 18? I'm 14. To hit, yeah. Ranged. Yeah, so he's very close to hitting me. Hits.

What did he actually get? He got 12. Oh, okay, because I have things I can do to help. Yeah, I'm trying. Sorry, I thought you were joking, being like, oh, he just missed, and he got like a point. I don't know how I roll so well. I roll max damage.

Oh! 19 points of lightning damage. As he spins around, he misses the shot. The shot goes wide over you. Yeah. But then he'll, like, And jump... Oh, hold.

Jump shot. These guys actually cools fast. Oh, no. Do we like the deansville? The armor of secrets only works against melee attack. So I just take it and you hear...

Oh! John Claude, please roll. Oh, I'm sorry. Probably pretty well. And progress has gone. I believe that's it. Just molding the attack with a plasma rifle. So I'm grappled.

Yep. Does that affect if I attack him? Okay, I'm like You just can't, you need to make their saving throws? What? Sorry, saving throw at the end of this turn? It's not a check, right? You did it. I don't know if you made charisma saving throw at the end. Is it save a check?

No. No. They're very different. Then 10. 10, you fail. As you start to feel your feathers turn kiteness. As your waddle that you have, so to turn almost antenna I like, as you get your second, fail.

Antoni, you say? Nothing. I'm just being me. Booker, top of the round. I am getting sucked down. The saxophone is in one hand. And I reach, I use my, the crutches on the ground. I'm like, eh. I reach into my back pocket and I say,

suck on this, you desiccated bastard as I draw my light laser pistol, which has close towards. Everyone has got to go. And I shoot him at point blank rage in the chest with my laser pistols. Close quarters make me so fucking happy. We're actually just reenacting the O-Kirrall.

That'll hit. 1D6 plus 3 radiant damage. Eight points of radiant damage as I blow a hole in this guy's chest in point in range. Hoping to drop this guy and send him to actual hell.

He's looking very rough. Oh shit. Very rough. As he already has, you realize that there's actually a hole in this chest that's getting wider and wider. You shoot through it as it starts to let out, this, this, almost like it's trying to rip your soul out of it, not just from his mouth, but also from the hole within him, as that is going to be, he's looking very rough. As a bonus action, I have a feat called Quick Plant. As a bonus action, I can make a

dexterity sleight of hand check to pull or plant an object on a creature within five feet of me. I'm going to attempt to plant a receipt on him that makes it look like he expensed something for lunch that he wasn't supposed to. And I'm going to try to slip it into his robe pocket. Make a slight a hand truck. I got a natural torn. Oh, my God.

Saddam, I blow a hole in his guy's check. In his chest, I like slip some receipts in his back pocket. He has no idea. He's distracted. You see the, a glitching virus from Peggy is still affecting him. Oh, that's right. You just shot him in the chest.

Yes. Yeah, exactly right. Exactly right. He doesn't have a shit about what's going on. He still has me by my collar and my tie. Let him go, let him go. It's his turn. As he will, uh, he doesn't even realize it. Christmas save, yeah. Oh, Christmas save, yeah.

Oh, shit. You failed too, Booker. I did. 17 plus seven is a 24. Thank God. As you start to see that his form is starting to almost turn to Ash. As it's, it's, and you feel the cold now. As he says, Be silent worm, you will,

even with this board of the house of Jean de Clare, you will be mine. As he will make a slash on you. He must subtract a D6 from this D20 test. As my virus eats away at him. That's right. What's your AC? Hooker.

My ACE is 15. I've implanted him with a bug called syphilis. I roll a natural 15. Okay. Minus six. Natural of 15, plus three, 18. Minus six. I roll the four.

Oh! He missed by one. I missed by one. Oh, my God. Siphali's doing that way. You raise this claw to break it across your face. As are you see, no, the purpose. No.

I don't want to meet hot miffs in my area that will not feel the depths within me. I do not want them to bounce on this crazy style. As he's then going to replace his second claw attack, though, however. As he says, you will. As once again, make a con saving throw. Because you're on the throne, though, make it a disadvantage for me. Oh, no. Fail.

Another con, it's a, it would be a nine minus two seven. You have two levels of exhaustion now. Two levels of exhaustion, that's my S-4. Are you an aura machine? Not high enough level. At six or seven. That is entropy's turn. I'm not trying to hold the pistol up, but I'm tired.

The saxophone drops from my hand. Grummeling, it's your turn. Oh, look up. Pugsley! Clasped my hands over my mouth. You're going to regret this. Never did care for clowns. But I didn't really hate them either.

They were just sort of fine. And I'm gonna roll up. You can take an opportunity to take any care state, one, two. Oh. Entropy can? Yeah. Yeah. He no longer has the virus.

No. He was the next one. Nope. Dang it. I think that misses. 13. Swings at. Where are you going?

Pungley. Pugtley is a stupid name for a clown. And I'm gonna shoot her. I have advantage, though, right? Oh, yes. Because of the mockery. Oh, that was ill-advised on my part. That's cocked, right?

Yeah, every roll. That's cocked. Every row, one. It still probably hits. That is a seven. Hits. 15 to hit. That is going to be...

13. 12, 8. I'm going to smite again. Come to Mama's real. Let's drown us. 24 points of thunder damage. And this time I'm going to activate the push weapon mastery on my burst cannon.

And she will fly back if she can into the throne. How do you want to do this? Splatter. Whoa! It's almost like just enough. Oh my God. I basically will shoot her and the this, my gun, will, right now it looks like my normal

kind of detective sidearm burst cannon. And as I pull the trigger, it shifts into a wacky cartoon like pink revolver. And a flag will emerge from the end. I was going to do this too, so well done. Well done. And it'll say bang on it. And she's just going to start laughing at my joke,

at the gag, at my magic trick. And she will laugh herself to death. As part of my spike will be... You think that's going to stop me? She slams back. It fires as the bang hits her and spears into her.

And she slams and she says, that's not funny. That's not. And she... slithers in her rubbery flesh starts to shake and lose its form and then it bursts into confetti as she

is killed and you realize now all of your cacophonous corruption and scoron corruption is gone. Nice. As you suddenly are yourself again, the clown corruption is gone. I did one, two, I'm going to basically zoom on back and just try to help my friends. King Court 2K,

says they do a Batman Beyond. Yes, a Batman Beyond Return of the Joker. Well done. Nice. Thank you, Richie, for helping with that. Thrill is dead. Peggy, you're up. Well, looking at this, I only have one option at my disposal, and that's to reach out and just grab this bug creature's mandibles with my hands that are burning, with syphylase. It's burning syphilis

as I cast burning hands on this creature because that's really all I've got that I can do right now, I feel. So I'll do that. She looks at you and there's a sense of recognition but fury as she says

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cromar mandibles. But I don't know what burning hands does. So, you need a Nixirity saving throw in a cone. It does like 3D6 fire damage. What's your spell safety seat? Oh my God, natural three. There's not a chance, right?

There's no way. There's no way. Can I do anything? She doesn't have any reactions. Look it up for the damage. Yeah, 3D6. I can apply. Do you need anything she's wearing a set of Blaze?

I've got another D6. Holy shit. Whoa. 16. Points of fire damage. That's a big hit. Oh, she was undamaged, though. You got any bonus actions over there, girl?

You got any bonus actions under there, girl? Well, I can malicious code her. You should probably, yeah, do that. So I'm gonna also malicious code. You see as this code, this hot code starts to consume her. And you realize she's considerably beefier than the others. She seemed to be the strongest and most savage of a fighter as the bug now gets bug, as this virus consumes her.

What does it do? It's 16 points of damage. Yep, she takes it. And then she'll have to subtract 1D6 from her next Z20 test. Roger that. Okay. With that, it is instinct's term. As she, once again, fear.

I would say she's very distracted because all she can hear in her head is, ugh, ugh, ugh, just like crazy moaning. However, I realized she has a feature called instinctual avoidance. Okay. She failed a dexterity strength

or constitution saving throw. I choose to succeed instead. So she takes half damage. It's instinctual thing. I can still malicious coder because she did take damage. Yep. But I think that's totally fair, very cool. Make a Charisma saving throw.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's still hearing the creepy moaning that's happening. And I'm gonna see if she recharges her ass in spew. Uffta. 17 for my charisma saving throw. You succeed. Thank you. Nice. She does not recharge her ass and spew.

So she is going to, you see now, as her humanoid-looking form now completely drops and she almost splits out into this horrible spingly, nightmarish bug creature, but with a massive devouring mall, and she's going to try to rip you apart with two scythe claw attacks. But minus D6.

On the first one, yeah. Just on the first one. She gets a pop-up immediately that says, drive unclean, click here to search drive. Download for a minus five. She gets a six. First one misses. That misses. Okay, next one.

Bringing back the acid dripping claws. That is going to be a 16 to hit. That definitely hits. Okay, she rends you. Does acid get you slashing that matter you? As a reaction, I will cast silvery barbs. Okay. Does it advantage?

Yeah, just use the lower, use the new roll, I believe. Let me just check here. That's an eight. Yes. Nice. She looks over at you and her eyes are filled with hate. With that, that is instinct's turn. Bitsy you're up. Bitsy low Bitsy. She looks over at Booker and she sees him with a pair of big naturals and it just distracts her first.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Booker's Big Naturals. I didn't say they're the ones on your chest. No wonder he needs the grudge. He's more of a Tannuki in this campaign. Oh my, my God. Give me a little jam. Oh, this whole time,

hiding in plane, how do those skinny jeans fit? Good Lord. I do not endorse. Yeah, I don't either. We are so beyond late night of antress. This is not okay. Actually a nightmare.

None of this is okay. What a wonderful session this is going. I'm not stream, folks. I am surveying the battlefield, and I am watching as everyone, I've been severely weakened, but I am still trying my best to contribute as I can

and Bitsy, low Bitsy will turn to progress and progress has been screaming these strange proclamations Boom! Jump shot! I will

get a little bit out of the way here and I will I'll whisper into the even though there's all this cacophony happening in all directions you can even probably still hear the moans and screams through the the door of the people who are who are dying uh i will uh turn to this creature and i will say you you think that you have all it all understood that you think you can build things that you can do anything that's worth any anyone's time You can't. And I'll use the voice as I cast a mind spike.

Fucking go. I need to make a wisdom saving throw, DC15. There it is. That's the voice. Hell yeah. On which one? On progress. Number one.

No. Wisdom? Yep. Plus zero. Number one. 14. That's not enough. Fails. 13 points of psychic damage.

slams into this creature as the voice shatters its sense of identity. And I will continue to push into it. I move adjacent to my very good ally, my very good friend, Peggy. And I'm weakened, but still here. You're tilted! This reaction, adaptive resistance. The trigger is, is I take any damage. He becomes resistant to the triggering damage type for one minute.

I'm now resistant for one minute against psychic damage. And so that was 13 points of damage. Oh my. Six points. That's pretty cool. Make my charisma safe. I fail. Oh God.

What is it at? You can add a D4. I can add a D4? D4. D15? 10 plus 7 is 17 is 17, minus 4 is 14. I still fail. Bitsy, you are now realizing

you're starting to look a lot like progress. Your musculature is almost being replaced by metal tubing as the softness, at least the softness that you're used to of your fur is now sheaning almost chrome-like metal. Yeah Cosmetics can't clutch She once was the Commander of the Illuminati

And she's now going to die A lowly delivery person That was Bitsy John Claude, you're up I'm gonna use my unstable assault feature just to make sure I'm gonna get advantage on my attack

Just to make sure that I'll take this guy down That was good because I was in two And that was 17 So with another 24 to hit. That'll hit. Even better. 16 points of radiant damage. Oh, and I'm in the bar.

How do we do this? I say, I say, from childhood they trained us in the ways of slaying vags. I've studied the ancient texts. And I know that once you're killed, normally you return to the night. But here in cacophony, you will destroy into oblivion. Around me in the end, the plating at the end will ignite into this radiant flame as it swirls through the air. And it spins or I'll say it crescents down from above so as not to hit my comrades. As it almost like an arcing moonbeam as this blade of silver light comes down.

and cuts cleanly through it, burning him in the silver flame. The cogs crow! And I have not in-sleeping him. He screamed and splits, and then as he turns to ash, almost all of him is gone, but there's part, half of his head is left, as it slowly turns to ash, and he says, Finally, oblivion.

Damn, as it drifts away. As entropy is slain, Booker, The sallowedness that you feel and the black pits in your eyes are gone as your entropic corruption has lifted. Do I, no more exhaustion are gone to? Or is that stay? That's still there. Got it. Yep.

Cool. I'll say, I say there's no rest in oblivion, you worthless pile of ash. He's so cool. And I race, seeing the barge is neutralized, I spin around and charge towards my other allies. Lumbering. towards instinct facing off mono-a-mano. Roger that. I got two hard hitters

in my back, but basically, mono-a-mano. Except for my whole squad's there. Okay. Now it's progress's turn. He levels his platinum rifle at you. Watch up! And...

One v-9! And fires a blast. I love this guy. Run it down mid. I'll say, I think he's gonna clutch. 1115. 10. It's a 10.

It arcs over you. Mike, we need to give you that like a megaphone on a rooftop for like 16 hours. 24 to hit. Report that guy for cheating. 24. Is that hit 24? I think it does.

Terrorism. Report that guy. 13 points of lightning damage. To you. To you did it? Yeah, 13 points. 14. 13. 13. Yeah. Lightning. Lightning damage? Yes. That's what you get for detassing me. One down, one down.

The, it crashes into you as you get hit by this blast of lightning. Bitsy, I need you to make a charisma saving throw disadvantage for me. When was a net from 20? Charisma? 8.

8. See as Bitsy as you begin to fall, but then suddenly you stand up mechanically. Your eyes closed, they open, they are pure bright red. Bitsy now is entirely made of metal. As your hands crackle, crackle with lightning. You are now healed to full as your construction changes you.

You are now corrupted fully by the progress tone of cacophony. You are now, you want to destroy your friends and spread the cacophony. All of your damage is now lightning damage. Yep. And your damage is doubled. Jungle diff.

Oh, doubled? Doubled. Oh, good. I thought Bitsy was dead, but she's fine. 3D4! That is progress's turn. Fuck, I was really hoping to heal her before it didn't happen, though.

Was like changed the initiative or just on Bitsy's chart? Oh, and your creature type is fiend. I'm evil now. Your creature type is fiend. We don't know that. Yeah, we don't know that. You don't know that. Your creature type is fiend, but if that matters.

I'll write it down. Booker, you're up. So is it obvious that she's made of metal? Absolutely. Okay. So I know that's not normal. How does the rest of the team look? Fine.

Two-thirds damage, but I have the 10-HP-P-HP-Pen-H-Pen-H-H-Pen-H-Bet. I look like the ancient hero, the house of the glitway. Yeah, I look fine. The Vard drops me. I hit the ground. Oh, yeah. He turns to ash as entropy fades away. And you almost hear his finally oblivion in your ear echoing long after he's gone.

And the chill that you feel you may never forget. I, uh... Jesus. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, left, left side as I lean on it heavily. And I, like, I level the light laser pistol from across the, the map and I say, John Glaw, duck, uh, I'm gonna give you inspiration as my bonus action and then I'm gonna take a shot at, uh, the, uh, entropy, or the, uh, instinct creature. And a 12 to hit.

On NSYNC? Yeah. Goes wide. Yeah, it goes wide. It hits her, but her pair of it just takes it very easily. I forgot I'm minus four, and it. It's a D6 for the inspiration. Oh, cool, just add as anything?

Yeah. Hell yeah. But then what I'm also going to do, just to prep for my next turn, is part of my smooth jazz feature, the one that lets me give everybody temporary hit points. It says that once I use this benefit, I can't use it again until I finish a long rest, but I can expend an additional use of my iconic inspiration, no actual required, to restore my use of it. So I'm going to also do that now.

Oh, cool. The next time I use up, buddy. And as I watch the laser blast sail over this thing's shoulder, I'm just going to say, damn. And I'm running out of gas here. That's my whole turn. You feel the cold? With that, it is Grumley's turn.

Did you do the thing again? You have 10 HP? No, I just reset it. Oh, you just get it back. Because I have to use a spell, adoration or enchantment. You're clear. You want to use any movement and do you need to make your charisma and save-in-throat? I do probably need charisma. No.

Oh, no, okay, I'm good. Right. He said, I do not want to use any of the same. Only the three of you now. I don't want to get any of this shit. He understood. Bitchie peaching on head chop and it looks like John Claw got her up. I'm pushing, I'm pushing.

He's peeking. He's peeking again, coward. I can go that four because I have a lot. Probably could have come around this side if you wanted to get right on there. I want to shoot him. Oh. Yeah, he's up for progress. He's also rapidly.

He's rapidly healing. He's the one dabbing on us. Progress is clearly the threat now. The terrorists saw B. Did anyone buy a kit? And I try to take cover, and I'm going to peek on this guy. SMG rush. SMG rush. I'm going to, because my burst cannon has brace,

but the range is only 20 feet, so I barely got close enough to take a shot not at disadvantage. This is the greatest bad guy that's ever happened. This is like, I'm never going to be able to look at progress demons the same way. No, not at all. I'm tainted forever. That's definitely colored my ability role play. Hold on, anything that I can do about that.

I rolled the two. It's high noon. It's how noon. Um, that I presumably that misses. That's a nine to hit. He has this AC of 17. Oh, jeez. Ah, shit.

He's, he's lag hacking, he's lag hacking. Where's his hitbox? That's my turn. 64 tech, bitch. Uh, well actually, but, ooh. My God, this is so funny. That's my turn. Peggy, you're up.

That's my turn. I am face to face with this, with this creature. And I turn seeing Grumly Miss, and I turn, seeing Grumly Miss, and I, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna raise my arms and I'm gonna channel all of my, all of my syphilis into progress. Yeah. Using my last-

No progress, not instincts. No, because it's ranged. So I'm gonna channel all of it into progress because it's in my last level two spell slot. And all three rays, I'm gonna try and throw into this guy. You'll still lose your advantage because of your melee. You can take a step away though.

For this guy? So because you're in your range, we've been played this wrong for like 10 years. Many years. But basically because this pro guy's in your business, any range attack. Oh, I'll step away and let that one take an opportunity attack. She's gonna take it.

With me, Becky, with me? That is gonna hit. That's fine. It's gonna be a 19. That hits, yeah. And then we're gonna do D6. Slashing an acid. Do anything about that.

Is 11. Can I do... Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can I do anything? 13 points of slouching damage and acid damage. Okay, 13 total. Yep.

He's pretty mean. I'm not, but I'm still alive. Um... Oh, fuck, ow, ow, ow, that was really... Fuck you, actually, that sucked. She's pushing? She's pushing? Why, my teammates always suck?

I'm an ELO-HEL. I've got you. I'm on your flank, grumly. I'm getting support. National 20. Oh! Let's go! I told you you you are gonna get one.

And then the other two miss. Are you sure? Are you sure? 17. Yeah. It's a four and a six. But the natural 20 hits. That'll crit.

So. That covers it. So it's gonna be, no. It's gonna be seven points of damage. And then- More than that. Isn't each bolt 2D6 or no? Oh, is it?

It might be, yeah. Yes, it is. So then it's seven. Oh, 14. 14. 14. 14. 14 fire damage as he begins to hear the sounds of people moaning. Oh, yeah, oh yeah.

That's what he starts hearing in his ears. Oh! And occasional one of those. They're hacking, they're cheating. No, I definitely am, as I malicious code you for the next minute. That's minus a D6. Yeah.

Correct. Once again, the pop-ups and the virus are too affected. The red on the red looks actually pretty fucking cool. But his construction is still healing him. Sick skin. Is that my loopbox? Instincts turn. Peggy, you do need to roll.

I do, I do. I do. Not this one. This one. You would get a plus a D4 though, if it's not great. Fantastic. I hate you pay to win luck sacks. 17. 17, you succeed. I used your plus four.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Instinct sees you, Jean-Claude. And once again, you also feel that you feel the anger. As you realize that you have the antennae as the wrathful insectoid creature, the disdeme just goes all out of you. As she's gonna make, let's see what she does. I can't re-regen this.

Oh. Go ahead. I was just going to say she's an advantage against me for normal attacks if you want to do that. I don't know if you're doing your poison thing, though. No, I don't have the acid. I don't have it. I don't have it. I never got it. Back.

Four and two, the first one has to mess. Highest is eight. Eight would mess. That should hit with a 21. Oh, 21 all hit. So you are resistant to slashing, though. I am resisting to slashing. That's 11 points of slashing, so have that.

And then... Five points of slashing. And then full points of acid damage. Okay, so nine points total. That's her turn? And she's gonna stay there. That's her turn. I'm busy, you're up.

How do I feel? You feel like you need to advance the March of Progress. I agree. And so I will march forward and I will take my place in front of Progress's throne. throne. We don't know she's evil yet so we wouldn't like take an opportunity attack. We just know she looks weird. The march continues.

I'll race forward and jump to the throne. The march continues. The march towards progress. The march towards resurrection. Grimley. Don't you want to bring back the middle class? Don't you

remember how sweet it was, how everything was so fine and so great? And people cared about the rainforest. People cared about the rain. Everybody... We don't care about the rainforest. We're so perfect and so whole. Just to be clear.

A single person could bring in one income and enjoy vacation and still pay for their child's college. And support a family of full. It was an amazing time. But you heard him. He doesn't care about the rainforest at all. I do not care about the rainforests. The rainforest will fuel the march and progress. I needed to make a way to take it.

Oh man, I fail. I fail. It's six. It's six. I cast minion binding. On your turn, you must use your action before moving on each of your turns to make a melee attack against a creature other than itself that I mentally choose. So it'll obviously be Peggy.

Oh God, this one quick. As it goes. And that'll be my entire turn. It's just turning my. My cryptic now progress, Cacophonous nature towards my allies as I am completely consumed by the nature of this flavor of Ciccaf. No.

Oh, you're up. So now we know she's the evil. Yes. Because like, Oh, so, Bidsey, what are you doing? The fact that I'm obviously using the powers you've seen me use against our enemies on Grumley would be very,

very evident. No! Bitsy, now, why? Why would you do this? Were you gonna say something? Go ahead. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. I need to make my charisma saving throw. No, no, you don't. You've already failed. I already failed. Okay, well, I fell again. I'm gonna once more unstable assaults on instinct. That's pretty good already. That's plenty of will hit. And oh, once again, pretty solid. That's 14 points of radiant damage. Okay.

Facing face to face with this discordant of, or the tone of instinct. I'll slash forward with my powered whip and just start tearing into it. And then I'll just move here. She's keep killing. She's team killing. Oh my gosh, she's grieving us.

Oh, sorry, sorry. I actually... Report her, reporter. If I'm something that says I can push up to 20 feet. Can I choose less feet than that? Yeah. Okay, so actually what I meant to do is this. Up to you.

I will use my digital archetype strong. And I am going to choose to push her 15 feet. Okay. And I want to push her right there. Okay. And you blast her back. I'm going to move there. Mm-hmm.

That is correct. Oh. That is so correct. It is crazy. Bring the thunder, baby. I don't know. You're getting really good at this day. I'll say you'll be ready to be banished into a blimp.

As the rage begins to overtain me. Oh. That's it. Is the rage we against? I can't do it. No, this is also. That's next turn. Yeah, that's it.

Next time. Yeah. I will be free. You will be free. I will continue. We will continue. He levels his rifles and I take a shot at Peggy and then a shot at Grumling. It will be minus 26.

Actually, no. A shot at Peggy. He's smart up to know that Grumley is dominated. He's in the one of John Claude. Minus 26. I'm way in the back corner. I'm probably. Thank God he didn't take a shot of me.

I'm like diminished. I got a 16 minus four as a 12. With that and your bathroom, I smell like piss. She misses. That's pretty good. Thank you. Thank you. I'm not gonna make that joke.

It's very funny. I'm advantage though on you. Your advantage on me. 23. Holy moly. That's pretty good. Cracked him. And with that, I'm gonna deal a bit of lightning damage to you.

And what you're resistant? God damn. That was like, fuck. Fuck, man. You son of a gun. The ancient scholars of the house of Shanticleer whispered in my ear. That's right. Tudiate, they say.

Oh, that's still pretty big. It was very... Ten points of lightning damage, so halved. So five points to you. Wow. That's his turn. That's Progments' turn. Booker, you're up.

I am going to start by... Oh, but he does heel tap. Reaching into my pocket and producing... A golden musical note. as I activate my digital archetype Swift to be able to bonus action dash. And when I do, until the start of my next turn, my movement doesn't provoke opportunity attacks

and my speed is doubled. And how's everybody looking? Pretty rough. I'm looking fantastic. I look fantastic. I'm not quite bloodied yet. I'm going to use this. My robes are billowing. I am looking really good.

I'm going to walk out. Well, either way, I'm going to run up to Peggy. And I'm gonna start by level two casting. Oh. Casting a second level. Cure wounds. Is that 48? Yes.

Nice. 9. 16. Nice. 25 points of healing to Peggy. How much? 25 points. Holy shit, you heal me to full. And then I will also cash in

running out of inspiration. Our iconic inspirations here. Cash in on my smooth jazz yet again to give up to five targets that I choose within 60 feet. Temporary hit points equal to 2D6. So I'm choosing everybody even bitsy. Whoa. Even bits?

Yeah. Because we have to. Why? I just don't think we're gonna have to. I think once we'll, uh, I think once we'll two. Son, my, my God. Six, I'm keeping at eight. Eight temporary, like I said, right.

There's a one you wouldn't have kept this. You get eight. Yeah, I know I wouldn't have. I'm absolutely. cheated. He's cheating. He's cheating. He's cheating his base, grinding his crinning his crimes. Instinct, don't you kill steel. Instinct, don't take it to kill.

Your feature, please. That's giving me a whole turn. Which feature? The one that's controlling me. A shadowy film appears over the target's eyes or around its head in the case of eyeless creatures, and it must use its action before moving on each of its turns to make a melee attack against a creature other than itself that I mentally choose. The target can act normally on its turn if you choose no creature

or if no creature is within its reach the target repeats the save at the end of each of its turn. Got it. That's not a charm condition. I also, to be clear how I was able to play that my music was I was able to my light pistol away. The saxophone has fallen on the ground. I can't pick it up. I'm barely, I reach and I pull out a kazoo.

And I start playing a really off-key, funky town. And that's the smooth jazz that gets played. Don't you take me too. Smooth jazz. It is the charmed condition. They make a wisdom saving throw or have the charmed condition.

The charmed and frightened conditions end on each target, and each target needs a number of temporary hit points equal to two roles of your iconic inspiration. That is one funky town. Bitsy, make a charisma saving throw a disadvantage. Just in case.

17. Is that minus your four? Yeah. Oh, wow. I will say, as Booker unleashes the smooth jazz, you feel as if you have a moment of clarity as the metal starts to fade away from your face

and I will say that you will have an opportunity on your turn to move freely. That's my whole turn. Crumbly's up. This is now to make the middle class at all. She's team killing. She's making me team kill. She's making me team kill. No, Booker! Thank you! Bitchy! You don't have to do this. Step aside! She has joined them up. She's joined our team.

Your team sucks. I'm pushing progress. I'm going to basically flank this guy. And I'm going to try to... I'm going to stay out of the line. You get the sense, Grumley. Yeah. Give me what you've seen, that although he's healing,

he doesn't have a... possibly a large health pool. I am going to then basically roll and get on me and take a shot at this guy. And hopefully, oh, I crush it, 20-something to him. And I'm going to smite again. Because these guys are fiend. Because you have, you are the, you're able to do that at range because you are the, I'm the cyber guard.

Cyberguard. So that will deal. We'll see how much damage this does here. He's a fiend. Damn. 33 points of thunder, thunder and radium damage. Thunder. Jesus.

Thunder. Send him back to Hill. How do you want to do this? Oh, my God. I'll let you describe it in a funny FPS way. I, like, literally, I'm just, I'm just flanking. I'm pushing, I'm, I'm taking instinct and I'm pushing mid. They're flanking.

They're flanking. Oh! As you, as you blast in to him. And you see that, The healing properties of this is his flesh tries to reconstitly the metal as he stumbles back and he begins to unmake. And you hear that you see rather the glow in his red eyes start to dull and dull and dull. And you hear, oh, no, I was meant to be. As he shuts down.

Shut on in the wall. he collapses to the ground. All tip four, motherfucker. And Progars take it off, and all you hear is from instinct. Reggie to dance. Peggy, you're up. Oh, God. Well, that's, I'm so glad that's done. So we're done. Oh, God, the fucking buds still up. Okay. Oh, God, oh God.

And I'm just going to turn towards it and I'm going to, I'm going to use my, I'm going to use disruption. I haven't used this before. And I don't want to get close to this thing anymore. And so I am going to target it. And I am, you're going to see Peggy's eyes kind of go red for a second as the malicious code kind of runs across her irises. As I pick my hands up and it's almost as like I'm trying to deconstruct their code from a distance. And you watch as bits of this bug move away and it looks like I am rewiring them from the inside, hopefully. And so I'm going to attack them in this way. Oh, yeah, it definitely hits. So that's a 24 to hit. They all hit.

And so they're going to take 1D8 force damage and their AC is lowered by one for until the next time their hit. I love that spell. Two points of forced damage. Okay. And yeah, their AC is minus one on the next attack roll made against them. Okay. You hear as this insectoid creature backs up as it is now her turn. My syphilice are going to remove its nose completely. Okay, got it. No. No. No. I'm gonna roll this to recharge. I do. Can I get you all on a 30-foot cone? As Bitsy, where your face had been free

with the death of progress, the metal leaves you, and your body is yours once more. Opportunity attack, you may, if you'd like to. Oh, I would be a reaction. I would like to. Yeah, let's do this. Can you your position without actually an opportunity attack,

if... Yeah. She could get behind... She will optimize, trying to get everybody if she can, if she can, if she can... I can probably get the three of us without taking an opportunity attack.

Can she get everyone if she takes an opportunity attack? She can't get enough. I don't think so. Would she spread out? She could go here and then go... We're going to a 30-foot coat? Because it's one and a half... It's only four diagonally, right? Yeah. So you can do that... What's that? Right? Like, if you get here?

Yeah, but it's not... 30 feet. It doesn't spread that fast up quick. Yeah. It's... It doesn't... It'll... You can't. So basically, do you want the three of us, or do you want to get three of them?

My brain stopped working. She's going to spin around to get John Claude and Peggy. She can hit John Claude and Peggy. And Booker. Is that 30 feet? One and a half. Yeah. I think they're...

Yeah, we can say. From here, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She leans back at her massive mall opens almost as large as you are, Jean-Claude, as you just see all of these countless teeth within

and a burst of acid, everyone needs to make a Dixarity saving throw. Ooh. Or the three of you do. We got a 17. I had a 20. I'm going to use my inspiration. I still have, right?

That was like one round. You can add it to a rolled D20. Is that D6 or D6? 15. The D.C. was 13. If you succeed, you take half of 14. Perfect. Seven.

Oh, no. Did I make my charisma saving throw? I need that for you. You didn't need to make one. Yeah, I do. because mine's instinct. She's instinct. Both of you need to make it now.

Yeah. Well, I haven't gone yet. Do I, I don't still have your benefit. No, you're the start with an ten to me. 13. 13. Once again, you now, the digital bugs that you have is starting to turn very physical. As you're starting to feel bug-like,

as your frog-like mouth is starting to expand into this large toothy maw end of insectoid chitin. This ma is gonna make me a lot of money. Okay. With that, it's Bitsy's turn. I am feeling the metal of progress shake off my body, and I have deeply hurt. I have betrayed my friends, my allies, the people that, even in this moment of the long life that Bitsy Lowe, Bitsy has experienced, that she turns to to try and make our way in this world.

And without any other target to attack, Fitzi will turn towards this creature of thrill and pull her energy down and in and release it in a massive blast, endeavoring to crush this creature. I'm going to cast Elder's Blast. Nope. Nope. Not even close. Okay.

It goes wide. I will move next to Peggy, and I will hobble over, crushed from the experience that I've had over the last few hours. John Claude, you're up. I'm going to roll again with an unstable assault. Ooh, that's 15. 15 hits. Oh, yeah. 15 hits. 14 years away. Is there a safe? Oh my gosh. All right. 13. right now. Yeah, 13. Yeah. Oh, still pretty good. Adradiate's damage.

Oh, surge damage. Okay. So that's 15 then. 15 points of radiant damage as I swirl the whip around me as it, I'll start laying in. She's looking rough. As you're smashing into her kite in its form

acid blood is starting to spray everywhere. Make it curse I'm saving if they're poor me. Oh, pretty good. Pretty good, pretty good. 18. You resist it, Booker, you're up. Bring it home. I'd wed me the light laser pistol. Again, I am so stupid.

Wait a minute. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I cast light laser pistol, and I try to shoot this thing in the face over John Claus. Her AC is now at 13. Still. I can do this. Oh, it's against one attack. Oh, sorry. That's...

Just kidding. So what's race to like 17? 14. 14. I hit. I got a 22 to hit. Let's go, brother. 1D6 plus 3 radian damage

is max damage from nine points of radiant damage. That is exactly enough. Oh, my God. Exactly enough. How do you want to do this, Booker? Shepherds, we shephby.

For thee, my lord, for thee, I've but an humble jazz musician. And I just put a laser bolt straight between its eyes and try to put this thing down. And that's all I got. I got, I'm like, I'm a husk. I'm just an absolute husk of a person. You see the frothing rage and syncing. As then she's getting ready to try to devour you.

Like a bucket of drums and wings. You're like holding them out. Yeah, you're holding it out. And then suddenly there's a burst. and as you hear it and almost like when a spider's killed and all starts to collide back together she then kind of reforms back into the humanoid shape

from her strange insectoid shape as there's kind of rasping, wheezing and it's almost like the boar god in Princess Mononokei as this kind of strange, slow as then it slows as

your corruption for both of you has left you. The burning sensation's gone. Holy fuck! Is Bitsy's still a bot? Did we make our delivery? I'll say, is everyone okay? Yeah, no, I'm feeling. I actually feel pretty great.

They just spit all over myself, but outside of that, I'm feeling... Someone looks for a thumb and we can scan it and fucking get out of here. They already shut out to four of them and got their receipt. That's true.

Then we can go. We just got to open the door somehow and then leave hell. Where's the door? Which way do we come? It's gone. There is no door.

We just sort of... We've really got to start leaving our little portals on the ship. This is getting ridiculous. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I'm not feeling 100%.

Yeah, yeah. No, I would imagine not. No. I start to look for an exit. I'm like hobbling around. I'm looking, you know, we're on this, who knows where we are,

but I try to look for an exit of where we came in. I'm confused. Everyone's the same. I don't know which direction we came in from. In a flash of brilliant and brilliant, and figure teleports into the center of this chamber. And a teleporting homunculus stands before you. looking like a golden god, his long flowing hair,

as he says, At last, I am free of sin and mortal folly. I thank you. My foolish brother would always bring about his own undoing as he raises his hand up and raises another hand below. As you see flash above you and a flash below you, as a glowing, massive eye opens on the stone beneath you,

and then on the stone above you. As you are looking down, and he then extends his hands, and two giant beams go down the sides of these walls. In the ruins of Xerxes, I open the doors to truth. As you see both of them open, as, uh... My husband is so cool.

As you see the glittering realms of the stars. As great towers made of the pillars of creation themselves and glittering constellations, these great structures, the dwellings of the gods themselves, the realms of the gods,

open. As he looks at you and he says, Now that the doors of truth have opened, we will answer what it means to be bitling. I will become the perfect being and consume the gods. And you start to see now as these doors are open, that his whole form starts to change as he becomes star stuff and glittering stars himself,

looking even more like a god, you're getting harder. A godlike figure as he then shifts and in a burst you see two bits of consolations go through these doors of truth that goes to either side and then up as he almost splits into a four-pointed star that rockets into different directions. Oh God, he's getting hotter.

In glittering a star-like forms as the homunculus ascends on his journey to become the perfect being. And that is where we'll end the session. If you'd give me a million guests, I never thought that we'd be here. No. Rich, can you...

Inhale. In hell. It's from hell to agonose.