Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | Ep. 1 | Cat and Mouse

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Uprooted is a D&D 5e campaign set in the Dimwood, a setting inspired by the Root board game by Leder Games.   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/VaVlCoDHt88?si=DQ0b2rCXmafWaSOV

Welcome to Legends of Adventress. I'm Mikey Gilder and you're listening to Uprooted. The woodland is at war. Oh shit. You all are denizens of the dim wood, the home that most of you have known your entire lives and a place that has been at war for as long as you can remember, as long as most denizens. and critters of all kinds can remember.

For centuries, this entire land had been ruled by the Great Erie, an aristocracy of birds that placed the birds in their treetop homes above all other animals, gave them special rights, and brought civilization to the wood that had once been so savage, filled with lurking monsters, bears, boars, deer, gigantic insects and arachnids, and other horrors that only exist in folklore.

However, such a bloated aristocracy cannot last, and there was a great civil war, where two factions within the area effectively tore themselves to pieces and much of the dim wood with it. in a period of lawlessness that followed, there was less strife than the Great Civil War, but life still wasn't safe. It wasn't secure. Then that's when the Marquis de Katt arrived. A distant empire called the Mond de Katt

had been not interested in the dimwood being as far as it was, but an enterprising noble named, or rather an enterprising noble known only as the Marquis de Cate, decided to stake a claim and rise to her own her own sense of grandeur and power, and a great army of cats and some dogs and other animals that they conscripted into their army marched upon the dim wood and conquered it very quickly.

They helped establish industry, order. Where people had been starving, there was more plentiful bounty. There was far more trade. Even new pathways in this treacherous woodland were carved. However, it was still a rule. that made the denizens not particularly free. There was high taxes, a great number of laws that dictated how a denizen of the dim wood should act. And then, after a mere 10 years of rule, the Erie returned.

And all they had been pushed back, they managed to bring back. many loyalists that had been once exiled and rally under a single ruler and grow their forces and go to war with the Marquisade. These two factions have been at war for about ten years and that's where we find all of you. You do not follow any particular faction. You're what's known in the dimwood as vagabonds. You live for yourselves, your own aims, you don't subscribe to any faction, and you don't particularly find the simple life of within the clearings and the towns within your speed either. You found each other, and you make your way around the dimwood with no real home, getting into all sorts of

adventures and capers, and dangers. And you have thus far managed to, you have thus far managed to, to escape the talons of the Erie and the claws of the Marquisotte. And it's here that you all sit around a campfire. It is night and you are in the woods. You sit around a campfire, crackling with the smell of warm cook food after an exhausting trek through the woodland. You know that it is dangerous.

to go into the woods, although great paths have been carved through the woodland of the dim wood. The paths aren't particularly safe, but the woodland is treacherous and near certain death for anyone besides vagabonds. Many bandits lurk. There's rumors of barbarians,

rampaging, marauding boars, mysterious deer that some say might be able to harness magics. And horrible creatures, and beasts of the night and all sorts of other dangers. But you managed to make it through unscathed. You are coming from Potsville. The four of you initially entered that clearing

when Booker had a great plan, an idea. He decided to become the one to take on. take alms and offerings for a great festival of Potsville called Corn and Corn Alone Day. And there were a great number of offerings and foodstuffs and goods and coin offered. However, Corn and Corn and Corn Alone Day is no such festival or holiday in Potsville. But they had gotten such an idea and a whim and learned the culture of this town by a new friend that they had made named Bitsy, a local mouse who didn't know much, but knew that the people of Potsville were always

looking for some sort of festival, harvest or otherwise. And if they heard an existence of a holiday, they'd probably just go along with that. It's like National Horse Day or whatever the fucking said it is. Helple Horse Day. However, it was not too long until a very precocious, scampy mouse child ratted you out, no pun intended, to the local cat authorities. Oh, shit. And you had to take your winnings and run, having to discard a lot of what had been offered behind in order to narrowly escape the clearing into the woods. Sounds like a win to me. But as you know, the guards do not dare pursue anyone into the woods and anyone who makes their way into the woodland, into the forest is presumed dead.

And it is here that you all sit around the campfire bringing Bitsy with you. You had actually just decided to book it. And after running for an hour, you turned around and she happened to be behind you. And it's at this point that you decided to make camp. It's the buzz, no really, it's Officer Buzz. It's Officer Fuzz. The infamous Officer Fuzz. Bright red fur, not orange, actual bright red fur as,

but not particularly in great shape. He had been enjoying some of the corn pastries of corn and corn alone day. How that happened, no one is really sure, but it was a moderately successful con, and you've made out with a good number of food, a great hearty meal, and a new friend in tow. You all sit around the campfire, and having discussed your next target crossing to be click-clock crossing, your next clearing, rather, to be click-clock crossing. lay low from the mouse-dominated clearings and hopefully find, in this rabbit clearing, perhaps concoct a plan of pursuing your own profits or aims. And you decided to engage in a time-honored tradition of sharing stories

after you get to know your new friend, perhaps. Well, I say, as is a tradition, now that we have the spoils of our fantastic capa, I will reach in and start breaking apart different various breads and pastries, passing out whatever beverages or booze you might have gotten. Whatever you wanted to steal you still. And I will say a toast to our new friend Bitsy, to whom this heist wouldn't have been possible. That's great. Well, thanks.

I was pretty surprised to turn around and still see you behind us as we were making or away. I wasn't even sure you knew what you were doing or where you were going or if you wanted to follow us, but here you are. I thought I would follow you. They were going to kick me out anyway. Well, we'll get to that, I suppose. Cheers. To Betsy. To Betsy? The woods are very dangerous. I'm not sure if you know that. It's probably more of certain death than, you know, being kicked out of home. Why?

I mean... Haven't you ever been in the woods? All the time, I've never been killed. Oh, what's wrong with the both of you? They're not that dangerous. I run around with my banjo and my bindle. I don't have to wield any weapons, really, and I've been fine.

My whole life, it's been fine. The woods aren't that dangerous. No, look, we're hardened vagabines. We live in these woods. We sleep in these woods. And no offense or anything, but I mean, aren't you more seated like, you know, making pastries for corn and corn alone?

I'm not a baker. I just... I just go into the woods and I find flowers and seeds and moss and all kinds of stuff. I can make all kinds of stuff with the things you find in the forest. Well, I like her. I think she can stay. I think you and Haysel are going to get along just fine. You know, now that I've learned how to make magic from my hands, and I'm like the only person in the entire world that's got magic,

we're going to be fine in the forest. You can make magic with your hands? Yeah, I've got magic. I invented it. Like the deer? Well, she says she can do it. We haven't actually really seen it happen yet. No, watch.

I've been working on a new spell. It's called Invisibility, and I start taking my clothes off. Peggy, I watch it. Peggy, Peggy. You see a naked frog. And I slowly start backing into the greenery. Peggy, we don't need to do, no, there's no, you don't have to do this again. It's not perfect, honestly, right now, but it's getting there, and I start putting my clothes by all.

I just think you're real close. Thanks. You toy your dress. You want me to cast mending on it? What? Perfect. And I pull out some thread and a needle and I start sewing up your dress. Oh, thank you.

How do you do you mean all these spells? Well, I just started figuring out and make things happen with my own mind because you know, I'm super intelligent and stuff. And so I took my own engineering manual and I started turning into my spellbook. That was pretty small. Yeah, I think what really helps, though, is that I I found a familiar that was teaching me how to do stuff. What's that?

What's your familiar? I open up my mouth in a little tiny fly. Why is that of my mouth? You know, it's George. Oh, help me. This is George. He thinks he's the king of the flies. So he likes for me to call him King George,

but he's really just George. Peggy, how long have you been keeping that fly in the mouth? Oh, a long time. Did you know that they were a bit least 286 flies in the dim wood at any given time. Wow, is that true? That's true. That's what George told me. Wow, you really are so smart.

I know. All right, George, it's time to go back to sleep. And my tongue will stick out and go back. He's got to meet you. He's told me a lot of stuff. Like magical secrets? Like arcane. I say he's magic too.

Well, you know, he's a fly. And he was created by magic in the sense that he can talk to me and stuff. Make a perception check. Everyone? Group perception check, yeah. The first roll. Pretty good.

What will it be? Oh, I got a 14. There's more shit. But my point of telling you all this, especially you, Bitsy, is you don't have to be worried in the woods. I'm never word in the wood. I'm the only person that's been able to trade magic. Well, I feel safer for that.

Thank you. I got a 15. 14. Okay. 21. I'm not very perceptive. I'm shocked. Who got higher than 20? So both of you, you're, as she's talking about flies and this little fly buzzes out, and she snaps it back in, both of your ears perk up and you see these, you hear a horrible,

rumbling, buzzing noise from off in the distance. as you see as both of you turn. What is it, boy? I gather my corn biscuits closer to me. And you see two massive bright red eyes as a colossal fly that's probably five times the size of any of you just flies over the woodland and then dives back in. What is that?

Are we familiar with this? This thing. Is that something we would have ever seen before? I would say that you know that they're like horrible, gigantic, like monstrous insects and bugs and creatures in the forest. That was one of the 284 flies in the world. It was 286 flies at any given time. At least. 286.

I was looking for George. Well, George does say he's the king of the flies, and the fact that he's been with me for quite a long time. There might be some unrest in the fly kingdom, it's possible. If George is that little when the king, then what was that big thing? probably his royal god. That's terrible. Are you trying to say that you've kidnapped royalty? I wouldn't say it was kidnapping necessarily.

Like, he's completely willing in there. You didn't tell me he was royalty? I should have bowed. Sir, King George, I'm sorry. Oh. Oh, boy. Are you all right that, Bissy? Are you okay?

Are you all right? I'm all right. I'm fine. I hurt. All right. I hurt. Well, if you plan on joining our vagabond band, you should tell us about yourself. To sell us on how you can survive and hang with us tough four cookies.

What's wrong? What do you bring to the table besides your head? Well, I thought I'd come and follow you guys. You seem like, you know, where was you? Where were you going? What? Was that a question? stagement. It seems like you was, you, they, you, you felt like you were going in one direction. I thought I'd just follow you up.

Well, what, vagabonds, we don't necessarily have a direction. Great. All right, well as long as that's all right with you, it's all right with me. So where'd you come from? Pots still. But I mean, like, I know that because you just came with us, but I mean like before that, we always Well, I grew up there and I learned the secrets of the universe and sometimes I make magical healing cells. Well, they're not magical.

They're just cells. And they heal. Yeah, what's going to tell you I'm the only one here with magic? All right. Well, I say they're magic because they like magic. It's like a herpobily. Very clearly not like magic. I just showed you what magic looked like.

No, no, I don't want to step on the shelf. Look, she invented magic. She said so herself. And I personally have not taken on any apprentices yet, so until that time comes, no one else has magic. Well, when you do, let me know, because I'm trying to expend myself personally. I'm not going to give you my magical abilities for you to steal some child's muffin. Don't have to steal anybody's muffin because we've already stolen so much of the corn product. Well, that's going to last you what, like six hours?

You, you, uh... You rummage around, one of you rummages around in your pocket and you find a flyer for a three-day seminar on dwelling flipping. Bitsy, you said that your hometown was going to kick you out. Is that before or because you told us the information about the caper that we used to, you know, essentially manipulate you and you're using that information to rob all of your friends and family? What? No, I, I, keeper. They said, you said you were going to get kicked out. I love capers. Not that, no, no, I mean, why, why did you think you were going to get kicked out of your home?

Can I ask you a serious question since we're talking about capers and they're so very similar to caviar? Why did they call it beluga caviar? Baluga's a whale. What's a whale? What's a beluga? It's a whale. I just said that. And I'm also sure that not sure that capers and caviar are that close.

They're both small and round. That's true. That covers a lot of things like seeds and nuts. Do you think those are caviom? Most seeds are oblong. Some of them come to a point. Some of them are shaped. But not all of them.

I've been not. Okay. What seeds are nuts? What about little berries? Many. Berries aren't nuts, you dumb dumb. But they're also not cavio. Then why are you talking about seeds and nuts?

I'm talking about caviar and capers. I'm just saying that I don't think that just because the small and the round, that they're the same thing. I didn't say caviar and capes were the same thing, book up. I think she's gaslighting me. Wait, wasn't it that fruits? And I cast confusion. I thought fruit was mother nature's candy. What was that?

Where did candy come into this conversation? It's definitely unrelated, grumbling. Jeez, what, what is happening all of us? Bitsy. Yeah? You told us that your town was going to kick you out forever, and you don't even seem upset about that. Yeah, aren't you going to miss your family? They keep asking me to leave, and I didn't leave, and then they were going to tell me to kick out,

and then I was going to be kicked out, and then I said, I don't want to be kicked out. So then they were going to kick me out anyway, and I was like, I don't want that, I don't want that to happen. Why? Why were they going to kick you out? Because they don't understand the difference between lemons and lemon juice. What? You don't. It's a long story.

You wouldn't understand. I'm really trying here. Well, just trying to get to know you a little bit. Well, I... And you know, Hazel's got a really good point. If they had to kick you out because they didn't understand the difference between lemons and lemon juice,

we might have to kick you out if we don't understand the difference between lemons and lemon juice. Oh, no. So you might want to explain it to Booker because if at least he understands, we don't have to kick you out. But he's pretty smart, so...

Excuse me, Hazel. And you... Well, it's a different kind of smart. All right, we've got different things, you know, different strengths and things like that. Peggy's a lot smarter than me in one way, and I'm just, you know, good at other things. Which one of us created magic? Well, it certainly wasn't me. With your book.

I was with King George. And King George. And my mind. Book is more like streets, ma. That's a really great way to put it. What? That's the name. It doesn't have anything to do with the actual books.

It's such a good point. It's just a name. Why is your name book of you? I've never seen you really. read one book. That's right. Total coincidence. Wouldn't it make more sense if you name a hooker? Wow, maybe if I changed professions

if you know what I mean. Oh, is that because you're from Macbed Creek and they fish a lot there? No, because of the hooks. The corn hooks. Isn't that what they call them? Oh, I was thinking like a fishing hook. I don't think I've ever seen him doing honest days work in his life. Well, I'm not saying he fished, but he knew orders. Well, then why would they call him hooker because of fish? Anyway, the point is bit...

What's the difference between lemons and lemon juice? Well, the one is the lemon, and then the other's like a liquid juice happened. And they couldn't understand this? Why? Well, because they kept saying that one came from the other, and that's fucking horseshit. Okay, well, you had me up until it's horseshit that one came from the other, because very clearly the juice comes from the lemon. But once you squeeze the juice out of the lemon, it stops being a lemon. This is what they kept saying. That doesn't make any sense.

What do you mean? It doesn't make any sense. else that you're gonna get the juice from? I don't have any lemons on me, but if you squeeze that lemon and lemon juice, I wouldn't. You wouldn't, what? Bidtie, what wouldn't you do?

That wouldn't make any sense. Why wouldn't it? So then, why do they call it lemon juice? All right, when we get to click clock, I am gonna blow your mind. Click clock crossing, that's our next destination. What are we doing there? Whatever we want, that's the beauty of all of this,

is that we don't have to do anything. I don't really wanna do anything. We've got all this corn, we've got corn fritters and we got cornbread and cornedone and we've got all kinds of things that we could just sit here and enjoy and enjoy each other's company. And we will do that for now. I feel like we really did a lot of work already. We're going to do that, Hazel, but in like 10 hours or so you're going to have eaten everybody's share of the food. And so we're going to have to. I'm sure I won't take that, no.

I was trying to be kind. And so we're going to need to rely on Booker to steal from people who have staff. That's right. Plus, I've spent my entire life wandering and visiting different clearings and trying to see as much as I possibly can. And I'm not going to stop now. That's what's fun about life, is seeing what's out there. And when we get to places, enjoying the things that are there, sometimes at the expense of other people. But we're not going to think or talk about that.

We're just going to enjoy the spoils of our victories. What else do we get out of it besides the cool? Look, we don't feed you. You. We get money. That's right. What did we get? You get angry.

Lay it out. I dump out the sack and there's various coins and food and alcoholic beverages and Burbank is made of corn. So probably. Did we get money? That's right. Yes, we got some, we got some coin. Not as much as I would have liked.

The bag was a little heavy, but we had to run. I had to throw some of it. Ha ha! To get away, but. You threw? Oh, well, that's all right. Yeah, the law enforcement was coming down on us quick. Yeah.

Well, that's okay. I'm never really good with my winnings anyway. I spend on things that just really, I'm not good with my money. Well, we all earned it and I'll quickly divvy it up and you know, the cheap handing out food and just putting it in a pile and letting everybody take whatever they like.

I didn't do a damn thing. You did a lot more than you'd think. Honestly, if it weren't, did you just eat your money? No. I thought this is, you know. I thought there was ale. Oh. And when it ended up being coins,

you just swallowed anyway? I thought it was weird ale. Got a few days and you'll see it again. A rubbing mug of coins. Okay. I'm gonna go get a stick. You know what, Bitsy, it's tough on everybody's first beer. You know, I remember my first mug of ale coins.

nail. It's tough. It's hard for everyone. You'll get the hang of it. I find the stick and I start like... The worst use, when we was in Grizzlepole and we got all that coin from that honey waste and I spent it, I was so excited, but I ran off and I, I spent it on cobbler tools. They were not what I thought they were. They're not tools to make cobbler? Doesn't that seem like that's what it would? being. It was awful. What it would it be? That does make me think of a new con. I had my heart set on and they were

so shiny and I really got him and I enrolled in the Gordon Ramsey five school of critic cooking and he just hated me right from the get-go because I didn't have the right tools and I tried and I tried. I even made him my mum's

bumbleberry pie for my final and you know what he said? I don't know what he said. What did he say, Angel? He said, my grand could do it better and she's dead.

Oh God, that sounds like a nightmare. It was terrible. Oh, I was heartbroken but I stuck it out until graduation. It's such a sad story. I didn't graduate, but I did

lift a diploma off of somebody and really you can't even tell where I scratched the name out on Road Hazel. No. Do you want some steak? I can't appreciate that. Thank you. Shall we really let you graduate? No, but you know, I learned what I needed to know and, you know, I've got some skills now.

So if we ever need, you know, for me to cook something, I can cook. I'm really working on my sharing skills as well. Well, that's very big of you. We appreciate that. Thank you for sharing. I will say I have noticed a lot of personal growth in you, Hazel. Thank you. You're very welcome.

Also, if anybody would like to buy a slightly used set of cobbler's tools, not belated cobblers. I will trade you this one poppy seed muffins in a couple of those. Deal. Perfect. Thank you. I don't have any money. They're covered in flour.

Kind of sticky. They clearly know. ever been washed. I don't have any corn. I just left my house and all of my things to come in me. Well, you earned some of this. Trust me, you did. Oh, thank you.

Don't eat those, please. They're not meant to be eaten. They're meant to be putting your coin purse. Did I just miss that it was a while he was drinking? I thought those coins. That's all right, we're gonna try this again. Derry knew it with coins going. I felt like I was out of the joke and I'm like oh god, I just said it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, I know. Oh, thanks. Oh, I don't have a pack. You know, if you want, I can magically create a pack for you. What about regular packs? What? Can you... You know what you're fine holding them, I think, for now.

the time being, I think we'll be all right. She's not going to last, I mean, like, not even a week. Well, I don't know. I mean, she seems like she's useful. She's already benefited us so far. She was able to follow us into the woods when all of, you know, when Fuzz wasn't able to. She's quick. She's very quick.

I'm very fast. Let me set a scene for you. Let's say we're in the woods. We are. And we hear a horrible bleat in a disgusting. It's like on Ramsey. Disgusting ram with a chef's hat comes out of the woods with big red eyes and he says where's your duck sauce? What would you do to him?

What would you do? Do I have any duck sauce? No, you don't know that duck sauce? You don't even know what duck sauce is. To be fair, that was a very good question. She's using her brain. Keep going, keep going. You got further than I did.

I probably, am I holding these coins? Well, you don't have a pex again. You don't have a peck. scenario. What would you do? How would you fight him? How would you make him pay? I guess I give him a slap on his face and I tell him he was a bad, bad goat person and I sent him on his way. Was he a goat or a ram? Yeah, he's gonna get really mad if you call him a goat because he's very proud of being a Ramsey. Well no point is we beat him up because he was mean to Hazel.

Yeah! Because you jerk! Oh you didn't, you weren't supposed to know that but now you do. Well, I can do that. I'm good at... Oh, shit. Yes. Oh, God. Now, Bitsy, I think maybe it would help if you would know how one of us would react, all right?

So I'm going to help grumbling with his story here. Oh, this is fun. Thank you. Hazel is one of my best friends. Oh, stupid. And now that I've seen the work she's put into these cobbler tools and we'll clean off later, I would cast magics. I've recently invented what I like to call

acid spledge. What's that? What is that? What is that? Oh, it's got a spell. It's magic, yeah, it's a spell. Wow. So when Gordon Ramsey

comes out of the forest and he yells, where's the duck sauce and his red eyes turned to hazel, and he starts dicking his hooves into the ground ready to charge, I pull out the Super Croker.

and you see what looks equivalent to a Nerf gun. And attached to it is this horrid, like, swamp juice in a mason jar. And I start pumping it, and then I shoot it up in the air, and you see all this, like, gross, word swamp ass. A gas was swamped. That plays perfectly into my next line, which is... Oh, yeah, ass flash. That makes perfect sense.

Oh, Peggy, watch you get shooting that thing. And when it lands on him, he begins. begins to fizzle and pop and his flesh stops to melt. And then I say, Osta la vista, Ramsey, there's your duck sauce. See, that's how we handled. Jerks in his dimwood. And I thought I had away with words.

Very nice. I didn't know with me. I sure would have got my diploma. Yeah. I wouldn't have let him fail you. Well, you got a diploma. That's true, and I feel pretty positive about that for myself. Whose diploma was it beforehand? But I didn't read it anymore.

I did have a little bit of chocolate on more fingers when I took it. Yeah, I see. I clearly see. I'm sure that it all worked out fine for them, though. I did just see it sitting in a bag next to a chair with a family that were taking some pictures. So I'm sure it didn't belong to anybody, really. The point is that the reason we've made it as far as we have for as long as we have, is that we all have special skills

that complement each other. All right? Hazel's somebody who can get you things. Peggy is the brain of the operation. Brumley, he's the brawn of the operation. And me, I like to think that I'm the glue that holds this operation together. You know, we've been traveling together

for a long time and quite frankly and sometimes I feel like I barely know any of you. Brumley, you're a monstrous borderline genetic mistake in a suit of armor. Peggy, you're a lunatic exhibitionist that takes her clothes off with extreme regularity and now you're threatened to dissolve some poor bastard. Hazel, you're a pre-diabetic chick monk

with epilepticianic tendencies and an unhealthy obsession with bumbleberries. Bitsy, you're clueless, confused, and half the time I think you might have a serious brain injury. Is diploma a fruit? You're all absolute circus freaks, but you're my circus freaks. And I hope that I've become your strange yet handsome

and eloquent raccoon friend. And I want to thank you all for being here with me. That's nice. to our new friends. And I use inspiring leader to give us all temporary importance. Oh, right. You know, and I will completely agree with 99% of those things that you said. You really are the glue that holds us together.

Thank you. With my brains and you're you, we can do anything. That's right. And when we can't do anything, Romley can kill them. Yeah. And when there's no one to kill, Hazel can steal it. That's exactly right. I don't really know how you fit in at all.

That's what I was going to say. We're going to find a spot for you, though, and it's going to be fantastic. Well, I can be the heart, I can be the spirit. I can teach you about the truths of the universe and expand your minds into all the realities of what's happening in this world. All right. You keep saying that, but what does that mean? Do you want to maybe share or give us a little secrets?

Just give us a taste to me. There was a group of kids and they were kicking a bean around or something, and then they kept saying things like that. They, it was kind of smoky so I can see their faces, but they said, expand your minds and stuff. And I figure they're at school, that's a good thing, right? So we should do that too. That's very on brand for Potsville.

So how about it? You want to hit us with that little tidbit of the mysticism of the universe? Yeah. I can't just lay it all out for you. I'm just a crumb, perhaps. Well, I... Do you have just a crime? I suppose I could tell you a story

about somebody who sought the truth. Why not? Is it a good story or like a scary story or like an epic story or a saga? I don't know. If she tells us, then you'll find out. Yeah. No, I just, should I prepare to be scared or something, you know?

What's the fun in life? I want to kind of get myself in a right mind space, you know? Little scary. There's some wounds and there's some bleeding. She wounds? Oh, no. I don't know if I like to steal her. I don't want to write anymore. Okay, let me get another stick. My ears are to flatten down a little bit. Your tail lower. How much? It's 11 temporary hit points. It should last to go long and up. I'm a girthy frog.

Hmm. Good thing. Whoa. Not a hundred. I have 69 points. Nice. Nice. Nice. I mean, this is what campfires are for. Bitsy, if you'd like to share a story with us, please. Bitsy? Oh, she's going. Where's your got? Bitsy, you can't wander off like that.

We've just talked about how dangerous the woods are. Rumley, before this story happens, I ordered some food from a wandering mosquito. So if you could just go out into the woods and grab that for me, that would be great. What's it. Doesn't it sound like a reverse situation? Like, I go out in the woods and I become a meal for the mosquito?

It's very possible, but they said they left it at the door. What is it? It's sushi. Hold on. I tie a rope to myself, then I pass it to Booker. Yeah, I'll hold this. All right. No, I know.

Don't let go. I know the dog. Okay, don't let go. I'll be fine. It'll be all right. I got it. We've done this 100 times before. All right.

As soon as he leaves, I just drop the rope on the ground. And I wait tently for a bit of him. Starter story. Well, hey, you got, no, hold on. No, no, that's fine. Don't touch that. Don't let it go. You got to tell your story.

Focus on this. Think, focus. I'm going to wait until he comes back. This podcast is brought to you by our Legends of Aventris Patreon. Become a patron today at Patreon.com slash Legends of Aventrists and gain access to tons of exclusive Legends of Aventris perks, including a monthly movie night with Legends of Aventris. And a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign by Legends of Aventris.

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And don't forget to snack all them extra goodies like dice and miniatures and plushes in a tarot deck and more. Thank you from Legends of Aventris. As soon as Gromley comes back out of the woods, I'm gonna very quickly pick up the rope, pretend like I never dropped it. I have to focus on your story.

No, I'm gonna hold it. I got the sushi. Oh shit, it's on fire. He got most of me blood now. What? I feel it in the light head. Are you all right? Are my gums pink?

And they're like super gray. They're just like, sit down, sit down, have some of my hair. I forgot to tell you you had to pay the mosquito and blood to pick up the food. Well, he got his due. And it's sushi. so it ain't cheap. That explains it. Sit down. Bitsy's about to tell us our story.

Here, have some air. That'll put some color back in your cheeks. Can I make it go of the room? Yes. Okay, I'm gonna get these coins. Do you want some help with that? I got it. I'm fast. All right, so

as we all know, existed before last Thursday when everything just popped into existence. That does not happen again. Anyways, there was this opossum named guy who I found in the woods one day. He was unconscious and bleeding, so I decided that I would rescue him. I took this guy back to my little hut in my village, Potfield. This was before they kicked me out for holding a lemon. Of course.

This was years ago. So anyways, I heal him, and he weeks up and I tell him he's going to have to stay to recuperate for a few weeks, and he agreed. Funly, I don't like the way she does this. I mean, either. I've totally lost track of the timeline of this story. That night, at around midnight, he hears a strange, eerie sound coming up from beneath my little hutch. Thumb. Thumb.

Oh, no. Thumb. Was it? A loud thumping sound. A guy must have been seriously puzzled about it because he lay awake all night, seriously puzzled about it. That checks out, all right?

All right, I'm in. I'm still with you. Thumping sound coming from that, what's coming from the down from underneath your little hutch last night. I told him I was sorry, but that I couldn't tell him. Only people will understand the truth

like me are allowed to know. Please, can you tell me he insisted? I promise you, I won't tell anyone. I just need to know. But without understanding the truth of this world, he was not allowed. I told him. So guys spent the next three weeks in my hutch recovering every single night. In my hutch, uh, e...

What the fuck is a hutch? I don't know. I think it'll come... It'll become clim later in the chapters. We just have to stick with it. All right, all right. Here's this strange, unexplicable thumping sound coming from beneath my little hutch, and every night he lies awake for hours.

Oh, it's terrible. Thump. Thump. Oh, gosh. Thump. Bitsy, I'm starting to worry that you might be convicted of serious crime here. Finally, his wounds healed, and I told him he was healthy enough to leave, and he did. Of course, a month later.

I found him in the woods again, unconscious, and bleeding. I took this guy back to my little hutch in my village. This was before they kicked me out, holding a lemon, of course. And again he needed to spend a few weeks recovering in my little hutch. And again, the poor little guy couldn't get any sleep, because every night at around midnight, just like the first time he visited me, this bizarre, unsettling, thumping sound came down deep below my little hutch.

Thumb. Thumb. Was he puzzled about it? The exact same loud, something sound, he was puzzling about it all night every night. I'm sensing a scene. Dude, he came to me the next morning, he asked, can you please tell me what that something sound was

from off from underneath your house? Well, I hear it every night. We have to know it's driving me crazy. I sighed, and I explained to him once again, I'm sorry, guy. It is absolutely required that I keep the secret. But he begged, and he begged, and he begged every day, still hearing that thumb, thumb, thumb sound.

At around midnight, he begged me to show him the truth so that he might find out what's making that strange sound. I could see that he was ready to see the truth, so I agreed that once his wounds were fully healed, I would begin to show him. This whole time every night of... Please, I've waited so like. Wait, where am I? Sorry.

The whole year, every night at around midnight, the thumping returned. He got increasingly frustrated, trying to understand the true nature of our world, of the forest, of our very natures. It's a slow and tedious process, and Guy wasn't very well suited to it, and he wasn't very intuitive, if you understand,

about these things, unfortunately. Only someone took an entire year for him to finally understand and accept the truth I had to show him first. So, I led him to my concealed hatch in my hutch. And guided him down and down into the large empty room below. On the other side of the room was the door, behind which was a large wooden chest. I asked him, God, Are you absolutely sure? You want to know what the source of that something sound is?

Once you see what's in this chest, there's no going back. This is big. This is something that completely changes you. This is going to completely redefine everything you think you know about the world. Once you've seen it, you can't unsee it. Are you really sure you want to know? Yes. Absolutely open it.

I need to know here. insisted. So I did. And inside was another smaller chest. You gotta be kidding. I can't believe this. Why would he put a chest?

It's on a chest. I don't know. You gotta keep telling me. And inside that chest was another chest. There were seven chests in total. Until finally, we reached the last and smallest chest, the eighth chest,

no larger than a jewelry box. God, this is the last chest. This really is the last one. The source of that thumping sound you've been hearing every night is right here inside this chest. Are you absolutely, completely, totally sure that you want to see what this is? Yes. Yes, he said to me, yes, just open the chest.

They were so desperate to find out what the source of that thump and thump, thump, thump, thump noise was he was literally in pain about it. Slowly I took the last key, inserted it into the lock, and turned. I lifted the lid on the chest and let Guy peer inside. And he saw the source of the mysterious thumping noise. It was truly astounding. He was utterly amazed and confounded by what he saw. It was something that truly can completely change him as a person. It explained everything. It was the fulfillment of his whole life up until that very moment. What was it?

Well, I can't tell you. What do you mean you can't tell me? Only people who understand the truth like me are allowed to know. We've been sitting here for an hour. And you can't even tell us what was in the final chest? No, it's not allowed. Often it was a lemon. That's my theory.

Well, you just think you're a regular old Edgar Allan Crow, don't you? With your storytelling and your make-up words. You got me and grumbling we're all upset and I don't think lemon's thumped because I've had a lot of lemon-curted palsy. You know, you've never heard it. You've never told that story in like three minutes. This possum got hurt. There was something under my house. I eventually took him downstairs and there was something in a chest I can't tell you about.

So where's the guy? Where is he now? Yeah, what happened to the possum? He didn't say a word. You just left. And do you know if his name was Guy or did you just call him Guy? Unclear. I feel faint.

I feel faint. You know, it was like a story that I read in one of those pop fiction novels where there was this like briefcase. And you never find out what's inside. Yeah. You're just supposed to fear eyes about it. I don't really care for that. I mean, I have a theory that it was a lemon. I'm sticking with that one.

Your guess is as good as mine, normally. I have a theory there was nothing. at all. But what made the thump, thump? Maybe it was all in his head. Or maybe it was Bitsy. I'm still not entirely convinced that Bitsy didn't kill a guy. I start reaching back from my Howard.

Or maybe because he was so scared, he was hearing his own heart thumping in his own possum chest. That's a pretty intelligent way to look at it. And then it is metaphorically tied to what's inside the chest, your heart, what thumps your heart, what's the meaning of life, life itself of. Oh, wow.

You guys are way off. Well, this must just be very much fun for you, Bitsy. It's not fun. I want to show you guys what's inside the chest, but it takes time. Well, how did it take over his time if the universe didn't exist until Thursday? Well, it popped into existence with all the other stuff. Doesn't really make any sense. From where?

I understand. That's part of the secret. So how can I can remember stuff that happened before last Thursday? Because you popped into existence with your remembrances. Well then why don't I remember where I was before last Thursday? Well, that's how you popped in. I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you're special.

You can do magic. I created magic. And I definitely did not bring this world from another world last Thursday. What if the sacrifice you paid for creating magic was forgetting how you popped in. Oh, I'm not saying I forgot. I'm saying I asked where we came from, and she said we don't know.

And now I'm just really confused. What if you invented a whole universe with your magic? That is highly possible. My magic is very, very skilled. Can you cast another spell for me? I'll just love to watch you cast. I will cast. You want to see something I call Maychand?

Yeah. Hold something up for me. Oh, I'll hold my empty mug of mail. I am not going to move. I want you to all watch this. My body is going to remain in place. Please don't take your pants off. I'm not going to move my physical body in any way.

You see? Are you looking? And my tongue's going to shoot out and grab a coffee box. Do you see? Oh, my gosh. There once was a mug in Grumley's hand. Now there is a mug in my hand. That was incredible.

Wow. Magic. That's very impressive. I can't do that with my tongue. What? I mean either. I use my tongue to stay cool. It doesn't work very well in a suit of armor.

Or that body. That's right. I have a dexterity of ten. It's because your face is so short. Well, it's more my snout, not really my face. Well, your snout is part of your face. Well, wrong, but it's just a part of my face. Yeah, you have a short face.

Well, no, you could have a long face and a short face. snout or a short snout and a long face. You could have a tall face. I'd be like if your face wasn't any. If the face came out and the snort. Like a concave face? A concave face? Yeah, I don't think that that's right.

Well, if that was the case, we could eat soup out of grongly's face? I can just lay all back and you can just... It's not as good as a bread bowl, but I'd try it. We'd have to make sure to clean its folds first. I don't know. I think maybe it would have like a... This might be why you failed in that course. You really shouldn't shun new flavor experiences.

I don't think it was the carpalageful of hazel. I think it's some of your life choices. Oh, sweet God almighty. I'm with Peggy on this one. You know, you never know when inspiration is going to strike the palate. That's what Gordon Rams, he says. Don't you hate that guy? I do, but he is really good.

I hate that he insists that his name's pronounced that way, you know. What he's pronounced what way? Instead of Ramsey, he's like, oh, it's pronounced Ramsey, you know? I think it's just he has a bit of an impediment when it comes to... Oh, being he's a sheep and all, maybe. Yeah, a ram, mostly. Well, I mean, a ram's just a sheep, you know. They're not just a sheep from where I'm from.

Where are you from? I'm from... I'm not from the dim one. You know that, but I'm from Felicia. Where? It's a kingdom across the sea. Shouldn't you know that if you know everything about the world showing up last Thursday? You've never heard of Felicia?

Or I guess you could call it old Felicia because now it's new Felicia. I've never left Pottsville. So how do you know that Pottsville wasn't the place that appeared out of nowhere last Thursday and everything else was already here? Well, we're in a magic town. Oh, I think you're okay. Anyway, there are sheep where I'm from is what I was trying to say a lot of sheep. some cows boos

pigs chickens geese ducks a lot of cats I mean most of the cats they sort of rule the place you know lots of dogs like me my mum was a dog

my dad was a dog I mean you know what kind of dog were your parents I mean they were you know they were dogs like me and they look like me do you have a name for what kind of dog you I mean, we're called, you know, we're pugilists.

So we're known as Pugs for sure. Isn't that pronounced Pugelist? No, it's Pug, or at least those fancy cats pronounce it Pugelist. So then why do you call yourself Pugs instead of Pugues? Well, because Pug's sounds weird when it's short for something. He's right, it does sound weird. Anyway, all I'm trying to say is there was sleep from where I'm I still talking. We should probably get some sleep.

I mean, you know, don't we have a big hoist or something? Well, I'm not sure what our plans are. We know where we're going, but we don't really have anything on our agenda, which is kind of how I like it. That makes me a little nervous. I prefer being regimented and told what to do. Well, you know, things these days are a little uncertain. Until we get to the click-clock crossing, we don't know what we're going to find, really. That's fair.

Plus, it's nice to just be free and not have rules and not have places to be or appointments to attend to or anything really to do other than to enjoy being alive. At least for another day, right? This is real nice. Yeah. So do we have any idea of what's in the crossing? Well, last time I checked, the news was... Yeah, you would know that this is a bunny.

I haven't spoken in like 15 minutes. You know that this is a rabbit clearing. It is controlled by the market. Kazat. It is the location of the headquarters of the Better Borough Bank, which is the primary bank that's in multiple clearings. There is, there's a lot of bread making. It's very much a bread basket. While much of the crops are grown in Potsville, a lot of the baking and the cooking and the preparing of food. And a lot of the shelters for food,

for those that are suffering and starving in the Dimwood are here at ClickClot Crossing. It is also the source of, basically the biggest source of sugar and honey in the entire Dimmwood. There is lots of sugar cane, there are sugar beets, but it's mostly these massive apiaries where they have tons of bees, some gigantic that produce tons of honey.

And you know, yeah, I would say that's probably, it's a good, it's on the river, it's on the river. And there's a lot of windmills all along the river for grinding all of that grain and producing all of that bread product. Do we know, no, you said that right? Yep. That sounds amazing.

Yeah, well, you know, it'll be good to get some supplies, perhaps, see what, there is to do for fun. I haven't had a good honey in so long. Exactly right. We have to try their world famous honey. But I love honey on cornbread, but I don't think that I can save it until we get there. Here's what we'll do. I will take this piece of cornbread from my stash, and I will save it for you so that you...

Wait, quick, look over there. And then when she's not looking, I hide it somewhere on my purse. You can't find it until we get the honey. Deal? You promise you're going to save it for me? Yes, of course. You're not going to eat it. No, this isn't one of those instances where I lie to get something out of her.

There's nothing I need. Are there ever instances where you don't lie to get something out of someone? Just this one, because I have the red-over- Oh, you're a new man. No, it's just this instance. I already have the thing that she wants. I'm just going to hold it for her. trading it for money. I just wanted to be able to try it with the honey. The honey's really good.

I really need it. I just need it. But is big to big the question, would you have a second cornbread? Because with all that bread making business, there's also likely to be butter. And I would like to maybe try one with both honey and butter in a honey butter mixed. You know, I was going to eat this one tonight, but I'll save it. that one for you tomorrow too. Or you know what you could do. That one that he hid for you was really big. If you cut it in hand off you have two quadrants. I don't think you know how that works. I was hoping you didn't know how that works. It's fine. You're not wrong. I'll set them aside for you. You won't be able to eat them tomorrow. We can enjoy them with honey and fresh made butter. Tomorrow? Tomorrow. Tomorrow. You sure? Yes. Okay.

well I still am going to eat it, but I don't like it quite as much when it gets that crumbly bit. So make sure it's wrapped tight where we put it. Rapped tightly in my bindle. That's not a euphemism. It's my bindle. This is what I carry around. It's a sack of fiend. What would you just tell her where it is?

Well, that was a bad idea. It's nothing less to not now, Booker. To be fair, we'll see what happens. You're going to steal it when you falls asleep. I would never do that from my friend. I would never see. I wouldn't. I mean,

we've all been, I've been very clear with all of you, and this is a rule for you too, that nobody goes in my bindle. All right. It's true. I've never been in his bindle. That's exactly right,

because you know what would happen if you did? What do? Say someone winning your bindle, what would happen? Severely, severely bad consequences. For you were for them. Oh yeah. Does it hurt?

For all of the dim wood. Oh, wow. Are you trying to? trying to convince me that your bindle is some kind of magical place. Oh, no. We all know that, one, magic isn't real until you created it. Until you created it is what I was going to say. Well, there was a long pause there.

So, of course, the bindle is not magic. History's first wizard. Wow. Well, I mean, history's not very long because it started on Thursday. Still impressive, though. Yeah, it's, what, four days? You know, the first wizard in four days. Well, you know what they say?

The best time to start was last Thursday. The second best time is to start right now. So there we go. And with that, good night. And I'm going to use my vindle as a pillow and go sleep. I'm going to cast alarm. Oh. And so what I'm going to do,

this is something that everyone except for a bidsie is used to, I'm going to walk around the perimeter and scope it out. Then out of my pack, I'm going to open a box of cicados. And all night long, those cicadas, they're gonna scream all that long. That's all. And they're like special dimwoods of kids. They're like this big each.

And they actually go like, ah! Gnod! It's like a water noise machine. They come and sleep without in it. They go. Don't worry, Bitsy, you get used to it. I'm sorry. But the thing is, they do get louder if someone comes here.

I'm sorry, I forgot you named. What are you saying? Bindle a sex page? Bixie, what are you saying? Speak up. You gotta talk over the cicadas. No, it's a sack of belongings, like a backpack. A sack of bologna?

That baggings, things, my possessions. I think, you know what? I let it happen this, come back. It might be, we're really not sure. It's best not to see about it. So, if it's getting naked and everybody's talking about bindles. I'm so slowly,

I'm slowly drenching back. I hug the rest of my corn muffles and go a pillow and sleep on them. I just lay on my back in full armor and just go to see. I stack all of my coins into a tower on my chest. Thank you so much for the follow. Thank you. Welcome. Welcome.

What do you with the fire? We would, we would, oh shit if we're not, are we taking a lot, are we taking a Are we taking a... Yeah, I'll take first watch. We would probably leave it. Yeah, well, no, we have alarm going, so I think we'd feel very confident. Then if we decide not to do any kind of a watch,

we would put it down. No, don't put it out. No, we'll just let it burn. We'll take it really long. Embers. Yeah, colds. I'll take out my remote and turn it to the lowest setting. Yeah.

Exactly right. Not the alarm, the fire. Oh. As you see, these large cicada just fan out and you start screaming. And you're all used to it at this point. Oh, cool. And you all drift off to sleep to sleep. To sleep.

And you all drift off to sleep. And you all, you all, doze off, it's a nice, peaceful, dreamless sleep. And then you hear, you feel like it's in her mind, just a screaming, a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hese. Streak so loudly that you're all awoken. Oh, I assume the alarm was when they stopped screaming.

Oh, it gets even louder. Ah, Peggy, by the heavens, I didn't know they got louder. I jump up. Oh no, that must mean something to happen. It's mine! My gone mother's. What's happening? Everyone get up.

And I draw it down. I'm trying to be casting visibility. Take your clothes off. Get into the wood. Actually, it is pitch black now, except for a very low glow of embers from your campfire. I need all to make a perception check for me.

Sure. As you hear the sound of the dimly all around you cracking and snapped up. 19. 14. 14? 17. 17. I think this is bad.

Sorry, I'm using it. No. I was like, stop eating it. Um, dear God. I don't think my perception's very good. Yeah, mine's not either. Oh, there it is. Sorry, I'm using it on my phone for the first time.

It's my iPad's dead. Oh, no, I'm 20. Nice. Very nice. So anyone who got 17 or higher. you will see a flash of what looks like orange, zip into your camp. It seems to be moving underneath a hood,

and you see a snout, a canine-like snout, darting out as what looks like a young fox woman, darts into your camp. And she's in this darkness with being jolted awake with all the screaming cicadas. Are they immediately dispersed now? No. Now who goes the box?

They're screaming. As you see her, those who you got a 17 or higher, dart in and dive behind a log that is rising up as she attempts to remain undetected. But those of you who rolled 17 have seen her. Who succeeded?

Who succeeded? What is it? What is it? Who's coming from my muffins? Does anyone see anything? Some woman jump behind that log there. Who goes that? I'm going to cast jump, and with my legs,

I'm going to leap to the cicadas and close the box. Ah! You leap over and you land right in front of a hooded, a hooded girl wearing very drab rounds, very clearly trying to consider. conceal herself. Oh, I just wanted to close the cicada. Oh, okay, you do that.

I'll run over to her. You leave any of the food. You do that. And so you close the Cicada box. You do that, ah! And she looks at all of you and does this. And she points off into the forest. Brumley, what is it?

What is it? It's a fox goo! And she's telling us to be quiet. Oh, geez, well, we could probably be quiet. What? Does it make us more quiet if we turn the alarm off? Or should we keep the alarm on so they don't think anything's wrong? I'm gonna jump backwards into the bushes quietly and like try to hide myself.

Yeah, I would, I would get low, like, gather my things and try to rush to where Grumley and Bitsy are and then maybe position myself. Yeah, you just see what's going on and listen in. You see her there as she looks at you and she's very just desperately hurt. She looks absolutely exhausted. She's panting as she looks between all all of you and is desperately trying to get you to shut up. Shish, shh, da, da. Grumly, I think we're supposed to shut up.

And can I get a sense of if I think she means us harm? Oh, inside check. Ooh. Oh, no. 21. Nice. Oh, rolling hot fire. 21 as.

I'll pause the music here. How do I do that? There's a little button with two lines, or vertical lines, parallel. parallel to each other. I just quit out of Spotify. You, as you're quiet, you hear the sound of snapping. And you hear now that it gets louder as you hear voices shouting back and forth as the din

is coming from the direction of Pottsville. As you hear what sounds like numerous or the very least multiple individuals, running through the woods as quickly as possible. And you hear the sounds of heavy breathing as the snapping of trees and twigs in this forest all around you, starts to grow louder and louder. And you hear a voice ringing out, I think she went that way! And it's coming closer to you. Are you all attempting to steal?

Yeah, I'm going to hide. I'm going to try and attempt to hide. I need a group perception check. Perception check? Oh, no, I did a stealth check, please. Oh, this one I'm good at, allegedly. Oh, shit, dicks. I got a 17.

Gross. 17? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I've got too many muffins in my arms. Bitch. What did you get? I got a 23-oh, 23.

Peggy? to get to my stealth. It's weird. The skills don't scroll. Yeah, it's really annoying. You have to like double scroll. You have to hold in and push in a weird way. Oh, boy.

I got it one. I got a run. And I rolled it two. No, I just rolled it one. As you hear huffing and puffing and you hear voicing, slow down. I think that she's close. It's too quiet.

What was that screaming around? as you see shapes now your eyes adjusted to the darkness of this forest it is just past a half moon as although the woodland this far in

is quite dense you see the bits of moonlight shimmering on the faces of of these or rather they're shimmer on the bodies of these individuals, and you'd see now the glow of torchlight as it gets nearer and nearer, and there's 11 figures approaching your campsite.

And you see that there are several mice, a handful of cats, and one you actually recognize shock of red fur, wheezing a lot more than the other ones, as you see Officer Fubbs. And you see, as they're all fanning out and searching, as you know, I think that she's around there, she can't have gone far. As they're all spreading out, you see, they're moving a little bit erratically, not quite as, not quite as, as a depth of traversing this dense, dark forest. you see one figure step through very carefully, and every motion perfectly measured. As you see that while most of them are wearing very simple leathers and some a little bit patchy, you see the uniform of the town guard for Officer Fuzz. and you see now the tabards of the Marquisotte on all of them.

And the one at the lead is wearing a very heavy woolen coat with knee-high leather boots and is wearing a top hat of the kind that you would see by the individuals from New Felicia. And you see that it is, you hear it first. as you see that it is on the head of a dog as it looks around this very stoic stern looking dog looks around and you see Officer Fuzz

go up to him and he's looking around very nervous I don't think we should be this far into the woods there's a lot of monsters out here she's going to be dead and you see this this dog who, Grumley, you would, you would recognize this

as some sort of hound, as some sort of an English foxhound would be, for the viewers at home, would be sniffing around and he raises his hand and immediately, Officer Fuzz goes quiet.

And he, there's a look of disgust on his face. In confusion, at first, I smell a Hug, did you say? There are six of them as he walks around. As he walks closer, and he points out in the direction as you see as you're peering through in the underbrush.

Over there, capture them all. As it rains out, as you see, then 10 of these, 10 of these guards, these marks. Archizat warriors, soldiers, rather, start to approach in your direction. What do you all do? You have just a brief moment before they're upon you. I don't think we can take this. I'm going to look at the Fox Girl and just put my hands up.

What do we do? I'll keep out into the clearing. No, there's no trouble. There's no trouble. You got to be kidding me. I, sir. Sir Grumley of New Felicia reporting, I've killed all the runaway.

Don't worry. It's all taking care of. They're all very dead, sir. Very nice to make sure, as you can see, military men myself, just nothing to worry about. As soon as he jumps into the clearing, I'm going to whisper myself, oh, Cronle, don't fuck this up, and I'm going to give him bargains for it. You do that. As you leap out, and immediately there are mostly swords. You see an axe,

and a spear levy themselves at you. You can tell now, as you jump into the clearing, that these are, besides the three cats and this dog, this hound, everyone else is a conscripted, or at least a volunteer, from Potsville. And they're mostly mice. You do see one squirrel. As they turn their weapons on you,

And you can see now that these are not nearly the same kind of polished, polished soldiers that you would see in regiments patrolling the roads or the, yeah, the roads in between the clearings, as they all turn their weapons on you. And what was your deception roll? Oh, did I have your role this afternoon? No, you didn't, but I can. Yeah. Disadvantage, please. Oh, boy. Pretty good, actually.

I mean, like, charisma's... I guess I'm a pretty charming dog. Yeah. Yeah. It was a... Pugues are. It was a... Oh, pukes.

Was it a 15 and an 18? Oh, it's 19. Wow. Yeah. Pretty good. That's pretty good. He... He looks at you.

And... And... And he just... stairs. And Officer Fogg was that, do I recognize this guy at all? Do I know? I would say

that you do not. You do not recognize him. As he just simply watches and the the Marquis Zott soldiers are looking back and forth at each other and then at you

and Officer Fuzz looks at him and says, I'll, uh, inspect your office, should we, what should we do? And he narrows his eyes at you and says, you're not one of mine. I don't know what you mean by that, sir. I was, I'm a brave knight of these lands. You may have heard of me. I see you're a hound.

Very good nose, clearly, so I mean, I don't quite share the same features, so... No, I know that very clearly. Wouldn't be quite as good in the same line. What's he doing out in the woods? As he narrows his eyes and says, your armour is not polished. Certainly not a regiment. You know, not technically. In a military...

Deserter? No, no, not deserted. Asked to leave, actually. but I'm still using my military training for good to honorably discharge them you know who's to say what's dishonorable or honorable but yes I'll hang my own

and so you've resorted to harboring rebels no I'm resorted to vigilante justice that's what the Marquis I would want I heard it there was some near do well's trying to pull over a heist against the poor mousefolk of Potsville, so I hunted them down in the woods and brutally murdered them. I cut their inids from their bellies.

I slice their throats wide open. I tore their eyeballs out from their skulls. They're laying it out there. I mean, Mikey's pretty convinced. Roll a deception check for me. plus one D8 if you need it. Oh, D8? Oh, let's fuck, I'm 100% using it.

That was never picked out of bars. I was always asked to leave. Been there, man, been there. Pretty good. That's much better. Nice little boost. 17. How you're not like?

Yeah, yeah. He, you see as he is completely stone-faced, and the Marquis-zop warriors, soldiers are looking, Like they're waiting for a command from this individual who was called Inspector Jarvis. And there's a very slight smirk that you can see a glint of teeth in the torchlight. As he looks at you and says, attempting to regain your station through vigilante justice. That's the idea, yes. I mean, it's sort of, you know, it's what? Worth a shot. Resorting to lawlessness. A dog. Disgusting. You disgust me.

Well, you know, I'm trying my best. I'm just, you know, trying to help. You know, the Marquis to Cap. You know, he's... You're lucky. You'll be court-martialed. Perhaps who will not be hanged. Bring the captors then that you've secured and release them to my men. And we will not cut you down right here. the Marquisotte soldiers begin to enclose as the, as you see the Fox Girl, she's looking around and between all of you and is very, was very confused when Grumley was talking about and telling his story.

And you can see now that she's starting to creep a little bit further away from you all. Back off and I'm gonna pull, I'm gonna whip my Halvard off. There's nothing more for you to do here. They're dead. Just go away. I have it handled.

You can have to take my word for it. As menacingly as possible. Think about Remy when Derek walks in the alarm. He doesn't use that thing as yet. He's probably. I am imagining just Remy in a full suit of armor. I am going to... Can I like peer through and...

You can see this whole thing. You can see this whole thing. I would say that you were well-hidden enough to not immediately be seen, but he was able to smell you out and with the Marquisotte warriors would have found you anyway. And I was aiming that as the goons that were coming towards me, not necessarily at Inspector Jarvis. And with that, I would make an intimidation roll though very quickly for me. 26. Nice. They immediately turn, and we'll use that also as a taunt roll, as they immediately.

turn their tension away from wherever they were heading. And they all turn to you, and they all raise their weapons, and they immediately are instinctively going to attack you. But as you swing your halberd, you are not particularly tall, but you have resolve and heart, and you're very stout. And so you are an absolute chalk, and so you're swinging around. They are hesitating for a little moment. And how far away are they from me?

I would say, I mean, they're probably less than 20 feet from all of you. Oh, okay. When I see the fox girl, like, starting to leave, I'm going to look at her and just whisper. I'm not leaving Grumley. If you have to go, go, but I'm not leaving my friend. And she looks at you and says, You mean those thugs? No. And she looks at you and sees that Grumley is basically creating a distraction.

she reaches into her hood and at that sign to run, she places something into your hand and immediately bolts off into the forest. I would like to, if I'm allowed, because I've been watching this, and I see that they look like they're about to advance on Grumley. I pull out a contraption,

which has a chamber that houses a bunch of stink bugs. Let's go. It has been, you see like a tube where there's like this weird, like yellow, pushtil and gas that is coming from the stink bugs. And a rope that almost kind of looks like one of those, one of those like a bug sprayers. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm gonna spray stink cloud all over them. And what I will say is that if they, if they continue to advance after that, I will already, I'll attack them. Just, if they continue to advance. I'm gonna get stink clouded here though. Kind of while he's taunting and doing all that, I would be kind of slowly moving it hidden in my bush,

trying to get in the bush that I'm hiding in. I would say you can do all your boss, everyone else doing that, make a stealth role. So if you wanna be completely unseen. My goal being, yeah, my goal being to just get as close to one of them while staying hidden as possible. And I have no fucking idea what's going on. So if I think that there is a fight about to start, I will run into it and start punching people to the best of my ability in fear, perhaps.

18. Okay, 18. I would say with a 26 intimidation, they are so focused on you. You feel a small wooden item get pressed into your hand and she bolts. No one even raises an ear or an eye. she disappears into the forest, hopefully, completely undetected, as they descend upon, they're hesitant and they're giving you all enough of a moment. And you hear Inspector Jarvis, his voice call out very, despite all of the chaos and the fear,

the heavy breathing of his man, you hear him just very calmly say, kill him, capture the others. And they, that is immediately a trip to you. As you see, Peggy goes Mr. Damon watch as she pulled out this and, and you press the brunger. There's a rotten egg in there that all the bugs. It is all of the worst smells that you can possibly imagine as it explodes all around you. All around them and Grumley.

And as they burst, I need you to make a Constitution saving throw. Is it just damage? No. I think it's like a stun effect. Oh, let's fucking go. I don't have root battle music. Oh, yikes.

They all also have to make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oops, I'm sorry. 20. Nice. 20? That's enough. That's enough.

I can do it at a point, so would it be possible for me to do it at a point that it doesn't hit grumly? Because they're standing in front of him. They're all right there. I passed. Like, I'm good.

Okay. So I would say that you're on the edge of it, you're not immediately incapacitated, you can just step out of that. Now that you passed, I'm just gonna roll once for them, they all fail. As all of them, actually I'll roll separately for Jarvis. He gets a 14.

That fails. That fails. And so the Stink Cloud is all kind of right around them. And yeah, and so you see the Fox roll as she's sprinting in the opposite direction and roll for initiative. All right, let's go. That's fucking good. Yeah.

Natural 20. Nice. Like an unnatural. Is he a cute a movie? Okay, okay. 25? I got a 23. 22, 22.

25. 25 for Bitsy. Five. 22 for Buckeh. 20 for Hazel. 20 for Hale. Oh my gosh, you guys are fast. 15 to 20.

I just rolled really well. 10 to 15? 14. 14 is Peggy. And then Grumman is that. That. Okay, 14. This is, that's Jarvis and all, actually no, all of the cats, or the Marquis 8 warriors.

Okay, with that, the Stink Cloud burst out, Hazel, you're able to sneak up and you, despite her, despite all eyes and noses having been on you, the Stink Cloud is the perfect diversion as you disappear and start creeping up on them. Bitsy, you're up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

You have two. I have two attacks, but it's one action. Bitsy, it's your turning. No, the action should be to use double attack. Yeah. Right. So you can attack two separate things. That's what I was asking.

I believe so. The French is and rules guy. Yeah. You certainly can. Don't you hurt my new friend. You have the most outrageous mini right now. I know, it's disgusting. I think it is important we talk about stinking clod.

Oh, right? Albeckylob. Yeah, it stays. And they are, they are, heavily obscured. What does that mean? It increases their AC. How much?

I don't know. Just disadvantage. Oh, it's disadvantage. Is heavily obscured me, we can't see them at all? Yes. Shit. And that's true about everyone, including Grimling. And I'm in the cloud too.

Where is the cloud? How big is the club? Yeah, what's the size of the cloud? One-E-foot radius bare. Fuck. So it would be like here. Yeah. So.

I would say you can make a perception check to see if you could see any of them in there. Yeah, because it would be like swirling. Yeah, it'd be swirling. It'd be heavy stink cloud. It's not like a complete pitch black clue. That's stinky. It's yellow. Yellow, exactly right.

All right. So I can make a perception check in if I succeed, then I can run up and hit the folks with that. You'll be able to see them inside. Oh, just to see them inside. That's 15. I think that's enough. Yeah, that is enough. I'm not going to run into the cloud of stink.

Instead, what I'll do is I will look down for any rocks or something that I might be able to toss. I would say you can find plenty of rocks. Okay. And so I will learn how to play a monk for the first time in real time. Doing a lot. Okay, I will take up with rocks and just start tossing them into the crowd, trying as best I can not to hit Grumley. And I will make my first attack.

That's going to be a... The lowest is going to be a 16 to hit. 16 will hit, yeah. Okay. I'll hit one for nine points of... bludging damage and the other four. Number one. Yeah, nine again.

That's going to be three and seven, let's say. You chuck both rocks. You hear, yeah, as the, they're all puking. They're all choking. The sounds of their horrible retching, it fills your nostrils as much as the stink does as they are all gasping. Oh, did you walk into it?

They're so confused. Oh, okay. As far as I can tell, I'm at the edge. I'm just hurling rocks into it being like, fucking Pottsville says their regards. And I think that'll be the conclusion of my turn. Actually, I'll move. How much damage?

Nine and nine. One and two? Two, seven and three. Nine and nine. It looks like you crack one on the head. They're wearing armor, but these are not trained, super trained soldiers. Okay.

Damn, I can sort. All right. With the head is Bookercher. All right. I'm not even gonna make a perception check to see if they can hear me because what I want to do doesn't require. They just need to be able to hear me, I believe. Creature of your choice within range that can hear. Yep.

Okay. So what I'm gonna do is like, I'm gonna take this wooden thing without really looking at or thinking about it. I'm sticking to my pocket that this fox girl gave me thinking that I need to save my friend, to save my friend Grumly and make sure everybody's okay. I'm gonna creep through the woods and just skirt around the edge of this cloud to where I last saw the inspector. Okay. Did we hear him say his name?

You heard Officer Fuzz say his name as Inspector Jarvis. All right. I'm gonna try to creep around the edge of this cloud to see where he is. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna say, hey, Jarvis, we all know that all you've done your whole life is look for your father's respect. And you've never been able to find that you just wanted to open up a flower shop,

but your father wanted you to go into the military. So here you are just trying to do your absolute best and please your father, and you'll never ever have his approval. And I'm going to use dissonant whispers on him. So I need you to make a... That's some pure caprice action. Wisdom of 16 saving throw. Wisdom?

Your dad thinks you suck. You weren't disappointed. I rolled the natural five, so he fails. All right, he's going to take 3D6. psychic damage and must immediately use his reaction. Okay. Yeah, the reaction consequence is a brutal. Oh my God.

That sucks. He'll take three damage. Three damage? Fucking believable. I roll minimum damage. On my D6es, they usually roll max damage. I have to go and find out what the percentage of that is. One times six times six.

And so what is he uses his reaction to do? Whatever we want. If available to move as far away as his speed allows from you. The creature does not move into obviously dangerous ground, such as fire or a pit. On a successful stave, he takes half as much damage and he doesn't have to move away. A deafened creature automatically fails the save. Yeah, he has to use his reaction to move, but I thought that, I'm pretty sure the stinging cloud prevents movement, right? No.

Um, so no, he can run. He can run. So, um... 0.46% chance. Not even... Yeah, it's pretty low. You see him as he's... And he's still trying to reserve himself.

But he is still very shocked. And he stops as you say all of this, Booker. And there's a realization as you use those biting words and try to attack his deepest traumas. and you see a single tear run down his face. And he says, it'll make you proud, Daddy, and he turns around and just bolts in the other direction.

Amazing. He has 40 speed. And with that, is that your turn? Yeah, that's all I got. Hazel, you're up. All right. Can I see three in front of me if he's in the cloud there? Make a protection.

Let's see. A 10. A 10. I will say you can attack him. I actually think a 10 is fine, yeah. 10 is the DC. Well, thank you. So from my crouched position in the bush,

I have my little adorable campers walking stick with a little acorn on the top and I'll flip it around and the bottom is actually quite pointy. And I will take a moment to steady my aim at this guard in front of me and then I will lunch forward and poke him. Okay. Making an attack. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Six plus eight. Yeah, whatever that is.

Oh, 12. 14. 14. 14. 14. 14. 14. 14 hits him, yeah. 14 is the acced. And so because I took my steady aim and gave myself advantage, I will get sneak attack damage on her. So these have more than nine hit-punts of these? Yes. Yeah, these are not minions.

They're like legit soldiers. Outrageous. Outrageously, though. Again with three ones. Four ones. So 13 damage. 13. This is a cat, and he's got shaggy gray fur. He's puking. He's a main coon.

Yeah, sure, exactly. And there's puke all in his main coon fur, and now blood. As you take your stick and you pierce him through the chest, he spits up blood. It's really disgusting as his eyes roll back. back and collapses down. Oh, God. Oh, I just made a pipe.

He's dead. You just pull him off. Yeah, you can get rid of him. Okay, that's your turn? That's my turn. Um, is he continually under the... Well, the, if he failed a saving throw, it says that he lost his turn.

He loses his turn for the, uh, for the stinking cloud, but I guess that doesn't affect his reaction. That's at the start of his turn now. So because he's at the start of his turn now, so because he's, no longer in it, he wouldn't be affected. Okay, I'm gonna roll for him real quick. As he runs away, he's going to sniff and see as all of his soldiers are puking and wretching,

and you all have basically ambushed them. And he hears the death throws and the cries as they're all completely helpless. He takes one look. at the battlefield, and he says, I will not forget this bug. And he turns around and he just sprints and made an enemy for life.

Oh no. I'm so dead. Okay, Peggy, you're up. The fireball's not a concentration. So I'm gonna take a bottle that's clearly got moot and shine in it. And on the top, there is a match. and a bit of abrasive

attached to a string. And as I throw the bottle, I hold onto the string, and as the string pulls, the match lights, the bottle explodes and crashes down on them as I fireball. I'm sorry, I'm like, you throw this bottle of flaming moonshine

into the crowd of these Marquis-a-Sold soldiers. It's 86. Yeah. That's why it's So good? Sorry, no. You got to hold next too. Yeah, so the text area so dropped.

Oh, wow, wow. No. Very good. Oh, so five, nine, ten, twelve, twelve, 15, anywhere between 14 and 17. 18, 21, 24 points of damage. That could be worse.

Yeah, I'd probably be better. Yeah, I'll roll a 10 total. That fails. 24 points of... So I'm... If they succeed, they barely survive. So I'm just gonna roll down the chain and see. Oh, wait, no, the two that the Cordy hit are killed instantly.

The other one died. Oh, okay. Got, got, got it. So we're gonna roll for one. He dies. Two. What's the DC? 16.

He dies. Three, if he's so alive. No. Four. He dies. Five? Five survives. Five survives.

Six. He dies. Eight. He dies. Nine. Nine, he dies. Ten. He survives.

Oh, my God. He survives. Oh, gosh. So you, it is. It is a, it is a, it is. an absolute horror show. As the stinking cloud, it's not just, it's not just stink, now it's burning alcoholic stink.

Boy, bodies. And bodies. As the burning, burning cat hair, burning mouse fur, the squirrel is dead. As you, as, as you hear the screams of these Marquisotte soldiers as the fire ignites, their puking and screaming is absolutely disgusting. And there are two more that are retching

as they're going to make their turn and attempt to succeed the Constitution saving throne. Jesus, just run! Save you. Natural one. So that was number 10. So that was number 10. Number five.

That's a 17. That passes. That one is gonna be Officer Fuzz. That's narratively good. As he is cut, his fur is singed. He has a large jowls and all of his whiskers are burning. As he just is puking and he, I'm picturing the cat from Fifele Goes West.

Yes, exactly. Oh, that's his voice now. Oh, God. As he starts a officer fluff out, as he starts running. And he is terrified. He is going to start. We're lucky he didn't use the old lazy eye. He's going to use slagy. He's going to use feline agility in order to move double 30 times to sprint is B-30 as a 60,

and then feline agility doubles it. So he's don't. Let's take a look. I've got that. He's off the mat. It is. You can double your speed until the end of turn. That's it.

Yes. So he's going to go 120 feet away from the inspector Jarvis as he's going to start running desperately clinging onto life. As he leaves my reach, because I have a halberd, I will use my reaction to make an opportunity to death. Please do. Non-lethal. Oh, okay.

I'm gonna turn around and try to trip him. I'm disadvantaged because I'm still in the stink cloud. Oh, and I, is it the start of your turn? It's at the start of your turn. So I don't have to calm stage it. That was just more for flavor. Okay, natural one. I miss.

He, very good. He swig at him. He starts running his foot. He's burning, he's bleeding, other tears streaming down his eyes. He is very full of corn-based sweets and goods and products. Unfortunately. I don't know how you feel. Unfortunately for him.

And he runs in the direction that Inspector Jarvis made his way to. And the other one is puking, Grummelier up. I will, after having missed, ah! And then I'm going to come and non-lethaly attack. Oh, yeah. You got to roll the Constitution saving throw. Looks good for me. Passes, I'm sure.

16. Yeah, yeah, I pass. I will make a disadvantage, non-lethal hit just to knock this guy out. This might hit. I'm surprised that the two most important NPCs thus far have survived. By sheer luck. Go away. Oh, if I made the other guy.

Kimman has a great point. We need to make ear headbands her character. Oh, I got one. I sure got three. You know. I had them from Root. Oh, that's a great idea. I wanted to get a hat, but I have to look online and see if I can find a beat-up.

Okay, great. I got a 14. A 14 to hit? Yeah. That's the RAC. Okay. I said it earlier, check the tapes. Um.

Oh, Zach, I thought you said you were going to burger off for the night. I'm really hungry. This is. one of the remaining cats. So you've slaughtered the local netizens, and now the occupying cats, you finish off as you take your halberd, flip it around, and just knock him on the head.

And there's almost just a sweet relief from being burnt and throwing out in this horror show that's around him as he sees. Thank you. Oh, God. Mercy putting down here. As he hits the ground. I'll say killing because he's a lot.

As he hits the ground. I'll step out of the underbrush. And that is why I call myself the great and powerful Peggy. I really went pear-shiped really quickly. You know, if we weren't criminals before, we are now. I think I've killed someone. Well, I think we killed a lot of people. Look, there's like nine bodies here.

That is the first time I've ever cast my fireball. I don't know where I'm going to get another man. They're broken glass everywhere. Peggy, you've become more powerful than God. I told you I created magic. I'm pretty sure she is. What are we going to do with these smoldering corpses? I don't think we're going to do anything.

I didn't have a heart to kill him. I leave him here and let nature reclaim the flesh. I can heal him. The fox girl took off and she gave me, oh, that reminds me, and I'll reach in my pocket and I'll go grab the... I can't believe she just leave us like that, interrupt our sleep, and bring all that noise upon us and then run. What you find is an etched medallion.

medallion that seems to be carved into the top of an acorn. As, and it seems to be, you see a splash of green, as it looked to be a closed, gloved fist with three orange triangles on it, as it seems to be just a strange little carved medallion the top of an acorn. I'll hold it up. This is all it was, some sort of medallion.

Have I ever seen this symbol before? You know? You know. Make... Why don't I make a history check? I would love to. And because... wait, you are from Muckbed Creek. I feel weird doing sex.

Here, you take over. Yeah, let's do like cute noises. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. 19. Thanks. Um... You...

Don't make it weird, Derek. You see... You recognize the symbol, but... Don't make it weird, Derek. You recognize the symbol. Don't make it weird, Derek. You recognize this symbol. This, you had seen it with,

you had seen it on some paraphernalia of some shady looking customers, hushing, talking in secret, meeting in tavern bars after they've closed. And you know that this is associated with the rebels of the forest, the Woodland Alliance. Uh-oh. Oh, no. What?

Well... You know me. I really don't like to get involved with all these politics and wars and things, and, well, this is certainly the symbol of the Woodland Alliance, and those are some shady characters. I certainly don't know of any of them personally, but they, you know, they're always meeting and doing things under the cover of darkness. I mean, surely they must be up to something against the marquee. They have to be. But I don't know. Maybe that girl was with them. She just put this in my hand and ran.

think she's part of it? Or she was trying to frame you. So that if they captured us, you would have that symbol on you and they'd be like, well, this schmuck. The only reason I don't think that's the case is she asked me if we were with them. And I told them, I told her that we weren't. And she added me this. Because she wanted you

to appear like you were. I didn't get that vibe. Maybe she wants us to find the group. For what purpose? I don't know. Give the acorn back. But they wouldn't have a throw the Marquis up. They're definitely up to something.

I mean... I mean, those are the whispers, for sure. The Marquises brought industry and jobs to the dim wood. Yeah, but they also woke us up in the middle of the night and tried to kill us. Yeah, but then we killed all them. Yeah, but... They were just doing their job.

They started it, really? To be fair, they were already in the process of dying anyway. Aren't we all? That's my point. Oh, you're so wise. They're definitely going to be looking for us. Our faces are going to be on wanted posters in no time.

Did they see us? Which is grimly. Well, they did see grumly, so I think it'll be his face on the flyers. They know I'm a pun. I mean, Officer Buzz survived, and he saw all of us run from Potsfield. Oh, no. We should really get going. Yeah, I'm going to wrap this thing up and stick it in my bag.

What? Do you think we can go back to Potsville now? I think that's the last place we're going. That's where Officer. Office of. Fuzz lives. I don't think we can go back there. But that's from my home. You said they were going to kick you out.

What you were leaving is what you told us. Pizzi, you're one of us now. Your home is on the open, well, not so open. Really, it's just kind of sneaking around in the woods mostly. And because Hazel's putting it in very nice terms, what she's saying is that you're an accessory to murder, as we all are now.

You know, you're in help you're like one of us. Just but most importantly, an accessory. to murder. Yes, so I would suggest that you spend some time with the box and get to know the cicadas. This is Cindy, Carl, Chance, Chauncey, Chester.

That was Chandler. Oh, Chandler. Chevy. Chase. Well, hi. What's an accessory? Oh, it's a... Ah!

The Zicator scream. No, no. I don't even think we should stay here. We can't camp the rest of the night here. And accessories, I like... It's like a necklace or a scarf. Oh. So it's not like you are the main event to murder. You're the scarf to murder.

Like when I play Minecraft. I don't know what that means. It's like a craft, but it's mine. Sure. No. I think we should probably... We got to go! No, we should stay here.

Think about it this way. We just killed a... bunch of people. You all did. You did most of it to be fair thing. No, it's mostly you. I mean, you nearly killed like a dozen people. I just tried to talk to the inspector and he ran away.

I just didn't realize how close in the smoke he was. I just stabbed out and there. Oh gosh, I cut all of him then. There's blood on your walking steak. It's ran him through. I haven't re-stained this wood in a while. It's going to stain. Not the good stain.

I don't want the blood. I was hoping for like a nice... My point is, if they were going to come looking for us, the last place they would think we was going to stay is the place where we killed everyone. They're quite literally going to go. They're not that stupid. People will probably recover the bodies for their families.

Oh, God. I don't. I was too sick he had a family, did you? They had not much of a much bodies left for them to retreat, to be quite honest. You recognize all. Oh, no. I think that we should trust the creator of the world.

What? What was that pain? You always so cryptic. Well, Peggy, Peggy created the universe. She created magic. I think that we should all listen to what she was there. On last Thursday, Peggy created lights and magic. Look at it.

She holds the power of a thousand suns in her palm of her hand. Oh, no. About 30 seconds ago, she created. Shit in my pants. Take inspiration. Which one of you cowards created shit in my pants. It just emerged. The name of your staff is Rich Moggin'Bur.

That's true. Now it is. There's no way I'm staying here. We can't stay here. I mean, I'm not. sleeping next to these dead bites. Ah, the smell, the hair. It's terrible. I'm covered in burned wounds.

Look at me. I'm not even, I'm not even hungry. It smells so bad. I mean, I could snack a little, but not even a full wheel. I swear. Oh, let's at the very least get away from this place and at least head towards where we're going. And maybe we can find a place to camp out for the night. Hagee, what do you say?

I think the Booker comes up with a lot of really good ideas. And so I think if you're, if, if, if, Hazel can't even eat a full meal next to this, it's probably not the right place. Let me look at it. It's covered in disgusting steed. One of their skins, pops. You know, I've been, I've been wandering. They're they're starting to look like chujerone.

I've been wandering for a very long time, and this is easily one of the most disturbed. things I've ever witnessed. It smelled like a combination of fox and burnt turks. Literally what it is. Oh, Jesus. Don't you know yourself is? All right, all right, let's walk this way. Let's walk this way.

And as I'm trying to like corral everybody and like I look over my shoulder and I think to myself, oh my God, the way that one guy went up in flames and was dancing. Ah! And I'm like pushing us towards the woods. They're just one of them still alive. He's not our problem now, Fancy.

We have to go. Booker, you hear, as you're pushing everyone away, you hear something. And you hear, Booker. Turn around. What? Yes, I do turn around. And you see the flash of a mouse skull, as you see the screaming, shrieking skull

of a mouse, Marquis Zott soldier burning alive. It replays in your mind just for an instant. And then you suddenly look down and he's just staring up. Just a horrible burnt corpse, but not moving. I will wipe sweat from my brow. Hurry, move along quickly. I wish you we shouldn't help that guy.

No, no, no. Walk. Forward, go. I'm going to be almost aggressive as I, like, pulled Bitsy along. I'm sobbing and pulling. of corn muffin to dry my tears and then eat it a little bit. Delicious. Well, I personally think that that went swimming well.

It could have been so much worse. Is this what your things are like and your nights are like all the time? Not usually. No, I think that's the most exciting it's been in a while, but I am new to the magic thing, so I might have gone a little overboard. We've been pretty good at avoiding conflict for the most part, but that was something else. exceptionally violent. I didn't think it was gonna completely

like melt the skin off of their bones, so I at least know my magic's improving. I think that person's gonna die. We just left them out there. It's just gonna die. It makes you wake up surrounding bodies. Should we? I'm fast, I think.

Just go back, no, no. No, no, no. If you go back alone, you'll be picked off by something, anything. Who knows, whether it be them coming back to pick up the bodies like Brumley. suggested us some horrific monster. We're sticking together and we're moving forward, all right?

We can bring him with us and then, you know, we can heal him on the way. We're already out here, so. I mean, he's at least 20 steps back. Yeah, he's literally 20 steps. He's already come so far from me. I don't know. I'm just going to go back. It's like 20 steps.

I feel like if anybody's going to get lost in 20 steps, it's you. And to me fair, you're carrying all of your coins in your hands. So how are you going to pick him up? I forgot my coins. I gotta go back to my coins. I'll go back with Bixie and pick up the guy. All right, we'll wait here. I can't get back. I can't get close to the bodies again.

Oh, right. Did we not want to kill them? Did I overstep? All right, mate. Here we go. Come on. You're going to be okay, maybe. We didn't really go into it with a plan. I think, you know, we all just tried our best. At the end of the day, it was them or us, but good Lord, Peggy. Good Lord. He's a newfound thing. It's going to take me a while to learn how to control it.

Yeah, yeah. Kimmer. Bitsy's money is called Bitcoin. You pick up this soldier, this soldier, barely breathing, barely hanging on. But you can, although he's unconscious, you can hear the shallow breath. Most of his fur is very heavily sit. but you managed to pick him up and with your strength

and as long as you're deliberate about it you'll be able to carry him. Oh, gosh. Sorry about all of your fur. What kind of animal was he? He's a cat. He's cat, yep. We're going to be able to help him out.

You can help him? I think maybe I got some sap and stuff. All right, well, I might be able to help him too. I'm pretty, you know, I can invigorate pretty well, you know. I could finish the job. I could get quick.

No, no, no. Well, actually, now that I, now that you bring that up, what are we gonna do with them? We can't just bring him to click clock crossing. I mean, they're gonna be like, where did you get this smoldering, very smelly, nearly corpses, forest person? And we're gonna be like, Peggy lit them on fire. Ha. So what's the plan here?

Rumley? Oh, you're right, and he's a soldier that can corroborate it all. I thought you were knocking him unconscious just to leave him so that he could be recovered, not that we were going to babysit him. Oh, Jesus, he smells. Maybe we can...

Why, his pants only half brown? Oh, God. No, I have to, I have to sit down. I have to go over here and sit down. Is this a new form of linen, calico linen, the front's yellow, the back's brown, and right near his ankles. It's tan.

I don't think about it. Yeah. I'm going to reach in my pack and un-cork a bottle of, like, whiskey and, like, pour myself a little bit in a tin cup. Yeah, please, Bromley. Tell us what the plan is now, Bromley. I don't know what the plan is. I just feel bad, okay? And as you see, like, a lot of the fur is cinched off and, like, but you get a sense that it is actually a calico cat.

Oh, no. In calico parents. Um, do you want to try to help him? Well, I could try. All right, well, there you go, and I'm just holding the cap. Hey, hey, wake up, are you okay? Is everything going to be all right? How are you feeling, buddy?

Is everything going to be all right? What's going on? Hey, he doesn't, he seems like he might be dead already. He certainly smells dead. He smells dead and he's breathing very shallowly. Let me try a little. I got my pocket right here. What are you pulling out?

Sav. I've got to work it all in. And I will apply it to the burn wounds in a very general broadstoke, rough manner and just work the entire body. Just stroking and getting in through this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somehow he smells worse now. It's like buttering under a turkey.

Bitsy, stop. You're making things worse. This certainly can't be healthy. I'm not a doctor, but this is not right. And I will take two actions if I can to heal him quite a bit. He's killed 14 points. You do that. And this is very rough.

And it's just like, he's just a complete rag doll. It's flaking off. It is. It's snows. smells terrible, but whatever strange sort of foraging that you've done in the woodland that very... I figure up everything.

That very few would venture out. And although your friends don't really realize you're being an outcast for your heretical ideas and how much you'd gone into the forest to gather herbs, you become a vagabond in your own right and just have finally found a band of vagabonds to join with. and to vagabond with. Oh, we've got a bond. I thought about that. Vagabond.

Take an inspiration. Thank you. It turns out that the vagabonds were the friends we bonded with along the way. Oh God, Bitsy, please hurry up. See, we from my vaguer. He is completely covered. And you see as it actually works very quickly as the breathing steadies and the, the wounds that he has and the horrible,

I guess all of this entirely burns, as it starts to, like, his skin starts to return pink and you actually see the fur starting to sprout out. He's still unconscious for four hours. He's crusty and juicy, but... I think he's going to be okay. I think that the forest pulterswell was able to do its work.

All right, that's great. Now what do we do with him? Now what? We should leave him here with some corn products, maybe, you know? He's going to get hungry when he wakes up. Well, did you save any corn products? How do you know he's going to be hungry? I mean, we're just going to give him our food because you think he's going to be hungry?

I mean, he's had a rough day. Well, I'm already hungry. Wow, that was quick. Really, right after the massacre. All of a sudden, you're hungry now. I said it was a little snacky before, and now that the smells, well, not forget it. She just killed a guard.

She stabbed in our room. I didn't realize your stick was so sharp. I didn't read that, actually. I should really put a cap on me. Yeah, I mean, that was impressive. I guess it's just from all the walking it, we don't do it down to, like,

read your thing. We should probably, like, leave a note in his chest, not in his chest, on his chest. Oh, no. That says, like, sorry we burned your friends alive.

Magic is a new thing for us. Well, we shouldn't apologize. You know, we sort of lowers a cred. Especially for trying to get in with these, you know, woodland alliance. Not that I'm thought out of it all. Well, yeah, who says by getting in with the woodland alliance? But in case we find them in, they're kind of cool, you know, and we need to get in. We shouldn't, like, you know, be like, sorry.

And maybe we should. I feel bad, but, you know. I didn't think I was going to burn their flesh off of their bones, is all I'm saying. I thought I could just drop some fire on them and they'd run away. I mean, when you use a spell called Fireball, I mean, you named it. Yeah, because it creates a ball of fire. Really? That's an understatement. Have you ever done that before?

I've tested smaller versions of it, but this is the first time I've used a full mason jarrah moonshine. So, in the combination with the stinking cloud, as I think what made that really loud, boom, when they hit. I feel like that's not too bad. for someone who created the whole universe, that's only a little smidgen of her power. Yeah, to be fair, it really is.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to leave him with a corn muffin. Well, it better be one of your corn muffins because the only corn products that I have left are the ones that I'm saving it for her tomorrow for the honey and the butter. Oh, I'm going to remember. I didn't want to be rude and have to remind you. of that guy that you lanced like a boil is gonna hunt me for the rest of my lives.

It is my own corned muffin, okay? I took it from my own bank. I had it. I bought it at the bake sale. Then we were doing so well. You didn't notice there was a baked steel sale because you stole everything. That's right. There was right raising money for sick children. And I didn't exactly steal everything. I was taking alms. There's a difference. Those people were very happy to get.

Give us that money. They thought it was going for a cause. If you're sick, you're really not going to be that hungry anyway, so it's not like they need it. You know, they're at least... Look, I bought some baked goods from the bake sales, though. And I have some of my own stuff. With my own money. You know, we can bar stuff.

Well, that's why we stole the money, yes? Well, I mean... Did you have any more of those thin mince that you bought off of that girl in that weird green uniform? Oh, I don't know. I don't see her. I think we ran out of those. like a week ago. Maybe you didn't get my in my name.

What's a thin mint? It's like this really delicious cookie thing. It's, you know, thin and minty. Everything was a little squirrel, little squirrel scout. Yeah, it was a squirrel scout, and she was, it was like, it was like five silver a box. Yeah, they were very aggressive in the marketing tactics. And they would only take silver.

Like they wouldn't even, I couldn't even give them one gold for two boxes. It had to be five silver pieces. So they get you. I know. And it's like, you know, you don't even really want to buy a box, but they force it on you. They wouldn't even take credit from the bank. Highway robbery. Anyway, no one touched this course.

And they get you with their small, girly wiles, where they're like, but I'm a squirrel scout. And then you just, all of a sudden you have 15 boxes of cookies. And you're like, how the fuck am I going to eat all these cookies? That's right. We could all learn a thing or two from them. I always like the smollas. They were always ours. What are those ones?

Oh shit, I forgot my coins. I thought you went back. We are at least 20 feet away from your coins again, though. All right, look, we've left the guy at corn muffin. What are we going to do now? Leave him a note with a frowny face that's like, don't come after us. Here's a corn muffin.

It's a little bit of a mixed message. We don't have to leave my note. You understand what to deal with the corn muffin. I go and get my coins. No, I'm more worried about what he's going to do when he finds the smoldering remains of his comrades. Oh, maybe then I'll carry him at. least a mile away.

They don't drop him down in the woods. No, you know what? I'm going to carry him to the edge of the forest because the forest is very dangerous when you're unconscious before hours. I hope you go back to get him, there's somebody, there's like a wolf eating him or something. Drawn in by the corn muffin.

I go back to get it. He's dead. Also going back to get your coins and you get that. Yeah, I got my coins. You walk past Bincey and she carries your coins. And you go back to grab him. And in the dead of night, you see a bunch of eyes. Glowing red eyes and in the treetops and in the bushes

as they've been descending closer and closer to him. And as soon as you step forward with your loud clanging, armor, they immediately skitter, and you find this calico cat with a corn mullivan on. I will pick them up. Okay. Then I will say, it's alright, I'm gonna get you 30 weeks. And I'll, yeah, I'll take them to the, I'll with a group. Okay. You eventually, you hear like a, like this is kind of a strange, like, insectoid screech. or hiss, rather, as you step away and you take away the prey of these creatures of the forest, and you rejoin the group.

All right, well, I guess we'll just take him to the edge of the clearing, and then we'll just leave him there, and then we'll, you know, I guess he'll be close. No, this is fine. There's absolutely no way this will bite us in the ass. Well, he might be more appreciated that we saved his life. I think that's a really nice thing that you could. a corn muffin. Oh, shit. You know, it's a miracle. The rest of you take

inspiration has been fucking nailing us. Pitsy, it's a miracle that you haven't drowned in a bowl of soup thus far. I hate soup. That explains it a little bit, I suppose. How far are we from? Click, Clock.

You would probably need to travel probably going on a direct... He pulled the map. Oh, put the map. I think what we should do while we're looking at the map, you know, theoretically looking at a map,

we should travel to the edge of the forest, we'll leave him a place that you feel comfortable. We'll just find a place to spend the evening. They have to have an inn or something and we can spend the money that we just got from our spoils and we'll just lay low at the inn, all right? Until morning and we'll decide what to do. Is that reasonable?

That's fun. Yeah, I just think it would be nice to sort of, you know, give this guy a chance. Right, so we'll leave them on the edge of the clearing, and we'll get out of it, and we'll spend the night in and in, even if we only get a couple hours of rest. All right. Let's do it. Okay.

I'll say, you hear the snapping of branches, as you make your way through, as you see what might be a gigantic spider making its way to its burrow, but you're able to avoid it. You know these woods after being vagabonds for as long as you have for, you know them well. And being a little bit more careful, you can see through the canopy of this dense wood, the sun peeking through as morning arrives as you walk through the night, carrying this saved calico cat and your coins.

and eventually you hear the faint, a faint distant buzzing, but it's not that growling, monstrous buzzing, of that huge fly you had seen what seems like so long ago. It sounds like dozens, hundreds, thousands of bees, as you see the forest start to get less and less dense and become more sparse. You finally leave the dangerous woodland of the dimwood behind you, all of the beasts and other strange things and dangers that lurk there, to the safety,

at least for now, of a clearing, a town, click clock crossing. And as if on cue, you hear the gonging of the morning bell from a great clock tower in the center of this city. And you see the predominantly bunny-dominated clearing, as they're all. waking up going about their day. You see the windmills and the water mills continuously grinding away as you see a quaint village in this clearing. You see not too far from the clock tower. Another very major feature of this clearing is a what is a massive, massive tree, or at least it was at one point, perhaps thousands of years old. But no bow.

no great canopy, some branches that have been snapped off or burned off, but a great mansion, almost palace that has been built into the top of this ancient tree. And as you make your way down, carrying this healing, stirring and not close to death, Calico Cat, Marquis Zott soldier, able to throw a cloak over to shroud him from onlookers. People here, and for the most part, denizens of the dim wood want to be left alone, and they want to leave other people alone. They just want

to live their lives the best that they possibly can. And you're able to make your way into the town of this clearing. As you see the apiaries, you hear the buzzing of bees, you see a massive plump bumblebee fly over once or twice, and you see a... As you enter the large, a massive mound covered in grass with a large sign that says the Better Borough Bank, you know that this is the financial center of the, of the, of the, of the different wood as well, with many streets going out. And then that's when you hear the regimented marching of soldiers. As you see, as you see a handful of town guard leading a chain game. of prisoners, of all a variety of species, except for cats, as they're making their way through the town at the head of this chain gang

is a, is not Gordon Ramsey, but a massive ram, a hulking, hunched, dumb, dim-witted-looking, beast of a man, of a ram, with a huge underbite and curved horns, as he occasionally yanks it, and sometimes the prisoners, Several bunnies, you see a mouse, you see what looks like an otter, a lizard. You actually see a bird what looks like a blue jay with its hands bound, its wings tied to it.

And as you see the massive ram turn the corner, the guards flanking behind pulling these prisoners to perhaps a jail, And along with the other Marquis-Zott building, such as the workshops, the recruitment centers, and the like, you see as the final yank of the chain a hood fall off the last of the members of this chain gang. And you see orange fur and pointed ears. As you see that same fox, the rebel of the Woodland Alliance, has been captured by the Marquis-Azant. And that is where we're in the session. Oh, thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to,

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