Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | Ep. 2 | Where's the Duck Sauce?

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Our gang of vagabonds arrive in Clickclock Crossing, hear about a scheduled execution, and head out on a bear hunt...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/VC5IIsMNMns?si=W_nGn_zhiLcwdgqY

Welcome to Legends of Adventress, on Grumbling, and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time. A toast to our new friend Bitsy, to whom this, this heist wouldn't have been possible. Well, thanks. I thought I would follow you. They were going to kick me out anyone.

We all have special skills that complement each other. Hazel's somebody who can get you things. Peggy is the brain of the operation. Brumley, he's the brawn of the operation. And me, I like to think that I'm the glue that holds this operation together. Bitsy, you're clueless, confused, and half the time I think you might have a serious brain injury. Is the pluma a fruit? You're all absolute circus freaks, but you're my circus freaks.

It's a fox crew, and she's telling us to be quiet! Oh, geez, well, we could probably be quiet! They have six of them. Over there, capture them all. Ten of these guards, these Marquis-zot soldiers start to approve. to approach in your direction. Sir, Sir, Grumley of New Felicia reporting, it's all taking care of.

They're all very dead, sir. I'm not leaving Grumley. If you have to go, go, but I'm not leaving my friend. She places something into your hand and immediately bolts off into the forest. I will not forget this bug. Some sort of medallion. And you see the large clearing town of click-clock crossing.

As you see a handful of town guard leading a chain gang of prisoners of all a variety of species, except for cats. You see as the final yank of the chain, a hood fall off the last of the members of this chain gang, and you see orange fur and pointed ears. As you see that same fox, the rebel of the woodland alliance, has been captured by the Marquis-Zond. Have made your way into click-clock crossing. It's taken about an hour as you make your way through the rolling hills and almost scenic

meadow life, various cottages, burrows built in. You see the various rabbits that dominate this clearing along with plenty of other creatures. You see in the trees the houses built for the birds that live in this clearing, that live across the entirety of the woodland. speaking up to go about their daily lives, the smell of baked goods hits your nostrils almost immediately. And it's absolutely just heavenly. As the hustle and bustle starts to begin as you make your way through the town,

you hear another gong of the large clock tower that is at the town center in this clearing. in this clearing, as you see various carts very heavily guarded, a dozen Marquisot soldiers guarding these wagons, going to and from a large borough structure, also towards the town square, the Better Borough Bank, going in and out also being shipped around down the river that intersects this clearing.

And it's at this point, you have this Marquisot soldier, the Calico Cat shrouded in a blanket or some sort of other fabric hidden, seemingly just look like goods that you're carrying. And at this point, you see the chain gang led by that huge hulking ram with a large underbite, almost drag these prisoners, many of which look malnourished

and sickly, as you hear the rattling of chains as they're pulled away down an alley. And the townsfolk of Click-Cluck Crossing, they look, their attention might be drawn, and you see that they kind of sculpt back and shirk back as they see this huge ram with massive muscles lumbering forward. And they seem to show genuine fear towards this beast. And as he passes them, they ease up a little bit and go about their business. They don't seem to be particularly surprised

that prisoners are being led through town. And that is where you find yourself as the grumbling of this ram and the rattling of the chains dissipates. And it's just a nice, peaceful but bustling morning in ClickCluck Crossing. What do you all do? Is this Potsville?

This doesn't look like Potsville at all. What? No, I told you, we're going to click clock crossing. That's where we're at now. We made it. We just came from Potsville. Don't you remember? I thought we were going to go back. I thought you said you could never go back. They were going to kick you out.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no. You maybe rock yourself a note, so you don't forget things like me. There's lots of notes. That's a good idea. I'm going to take a stick, and I'm going to start to write into the path. Can't go back to Pottsville. Well, there you go.

Now I'll always remember. Well, anyway, that fox that we saw, after all that, he'd kill a lot of people who saved that fox. Well, to be fair, I think we were going to have to kill those people either way, but I was hoping she'd at least get away, but it seems like someone was able to catch her. Well, I mean, she got, you know, Inspector Jarvis on our trail.

we're all for none. Speaking of which, what are we going to do with this guy? I just point to the, I just point to him like in your arms and he's just like limp and you're like you're holding like, yeah. I was kind of hoping we'd like get to an end and maybe lay low because I don't know about you guys, but I could use a rest. But what are we going to do with him? We can't just walk around with a guy who's mostly dead. I don't even want to say half. Well, maybe.

Off an odd deal. Okay. I throw my ground and I rummage quiet. It's quiet. I rummage in my bag and I pull out my old Marquisat tabard that fits over my armwork.

Oh. And I would like to put it on. And I'll say, okay, I'll find some kind of military medical tent and I'll drop him off there and I'll act like I pulled him from a burning building. Oh, I thought you were going to turn him over to that big ram guy and tell him that he was part of the Woodland Alliance because that would have been a lot funnier.

Well, I mean, no, no, no, no. But then you would have to do that. No, no, no, no. Surely, your plan is much more noble, much more noble. All right, well, so should we just meet at the end? I'll just go try to drop them off. Do I, like, look, I want to look around and see, are there any kind of medical tents or any military presence here that I can see?

You look around and I would say that you're able to take some time walking about the city. You hear the sound of the workshops starting to awaken, and you pass by a recruiting station. There's a line of about half a dozen. Critters, mostly rabbits, but several other species. You see also a Blue Jay that are going to sign up to fight for the Marquisade. You see that there are a number of barracks as well. especially centered in the banking district of this town. And you are able to find signs towards a field hospital

where you see that there's a number of cats and rabbits. You see a skunk with an eye patch and a crutch limping around, recovering from some sort of battle with an opposing faction. Well, if anybody wants to go with Gromley to help, help him out, that's fine. I'll go secure us a room, and of course I'm going to get some food and drink because I'm hungry. Oh, I'll go with you, then. All right? I'm obviously probably going. No, no, that's fine. The rest of you don't really look like soldiers, no offense. Well, I just, you know, I know, I know Peggy. She's very smart and refuses to listen to anybody in Bitsy well. She barely knows where she is. Oh, we went over that. She knows now. Give it like five minutes.

Um, you did screw up a letter on the ground, though. After, uh, dropping. the Marquisotte soldier onto the ground. You see that he smudged out some of the words and it says, go back to Pottsville. Are we going back to Pasville, guys? You know what? Why don't you guys come with me?

Breakfast on me after a lovely hall in Pottsville, which we're not going back to. You mean it? I mean it. Anything we want. Yeah, show my. I mean, within reason, I only have so much gold. We dropped a lot of it on the way out.

What do you think, Peggy? Yeah, sure, all right. You're not hungry. I could eat chills. You're probably going to have to. I killed a lot of people back there, and I don't really have a... I don't have an appetite. Well, you heard a...

I'll take it. Don't worry. I just didn't know it was going to explode like that, you know? I thought, well, it's going to scare him, for sure. It's a fireball, after all. But the way they were screaming is their flound. flesh was melting off of the bodies and that, oh, I'll never get that sight out of my...

Make a perception check, Patty. My memory was terrible. It was terrible. Perception, you said? Of 16. 16. Nice. Your attention is immediately drawn all around you

as you just hear the gurgling screams of Marquisot soldiers for just a moment. And then disappears. Did you hear that? The gurgling screams of the Marquisot soldiers for just a second before it dissipated into nothingness. You don't look so good, Peggy.

Maybe we'll go sit down. Can frogs sweat because I'm sweating? You look a little clammy, for sure. I mean, she kind of always looks a little clammy there, so. Yeah, it's part of being an amphibian. My stomach's gurgling, maybe that's what you heard. I wouldn't have said screaming, really. It's more of like a .

It's exactly what it sounded like with a few more pops. Let's go to the inn. It's just, probably maybe. Probably, good luck. You'll be all right, and I'm gonna give you a break inspiration for 10 minutes. Oh, okay. So I'll pick him up off the ground, I'll throw over my shoulder,

I'll have my halbered in my other hand, and I'll sort of like get away, like I'll separate from them before I come out of the tree line, and I will walk up to where I follow the signs and try to find the hospital or a medic. Yeah, it's a very simple building. You see the sign, it just says field hospital,

nothing fancy. You see that there's a number of... To say nothing fancy on the sign. Yeah. It's nothing fancy. It's actually just a feel hospital. Nothing fancy.

And nothing that's spelled with an apostrophe at the end of course. Naturally. And you? Um... Yeah. I'm pleased. Thank you for that.

You can heal here. Yeah. You can die. You, this is it. I need to make a deception check at advantage because you're wearing a Marquisot tavern. Oh shit. Deception, you said.

You've got 10 minutes, so don't be afraid to hold it if you need to. You know what I mean? Oh, gross. What was that? 18. 18. I'm gonna say that. Okay.

I'm going to roll for the Marquis-Az soldiers at Garden. They get a natural force, so not even close. So you see that there is a rabbit and a cat at the entrance. They're standing at watch. They seem to be a little bit distracted and lazy. They're very tired. You can see that the sleep is still in their eyes. As you manage to make your way into the field hospital,

you hear the hustle and bustle of the nurses. and the doctors as they're making their way to various soldiers of all sorts of species. And you can kind of hear the low groans of some critters. And you hear very faintly off in the distance what sounds like actual

of moaning or almost screaming in real pain. As you see that there is a front desk with a, a large tawny cat wearing a a nurse's outfit and she seems to be writing down something in some sort of leisure. Oh God, it hurts. It's real pain. Please.

Hello. This soldier needs help very badly. I pulled him from a burning building. I applied field medical aid as best I could with various sounds and other herbs. I had to lift his skin a little bit. It's bad. You should really see him, please. Give me getting his epon jacket.

Oh, God, it hurts. Just true. The painkillers exist in this world. I was so close to the sweet release of death. Do you anything? I'm going to use it. What is it, a D8? Kill me!

It is a D8. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right good. Is this Constable Fudge? No. No. Fuzz is ran away.

Jarvis got away, Fuzz got away. This is just nondescript cat. This is redshirt number six. Can we call him Constable Fuzz from now on? Yeah, that's canon now. Okay, thank you. 22. Bingo.

Bingo. She had a 20. Oh. So. So close. Tani Cat having none of that. Yeah. She looks at you and said, and she's like,

she looks at you and she looks at you and she looks at you, and she looks at you, tilts her head a little bit, says, I don't recall hearing about any fires in Click Clock Crossing, but oh, oh no, you looks terrible. Oh, God, God bless you. God, God bless you, Larry. And she walks up and taps her shoulder. And she's, oh, give him here, give him here. Oh, and you see that she like, she like almost says like, oof, but then she steals herself. and she's like nearly half your height, and she holds this soldier in her arms without any problems.

Would you say that she's a brawny-tony cat? She's brawny-tony cat. And you see that she's actually got some nice muscular charm. Yeah, her swallows, her sleeves pulled down, and she's, oh, he'll be just fine in nurse a justice care, as she, the quilting quicker pick her upper cat. As, um... She says, oh, bless you, bless you.

We'll get him all healed up and patched up, and you can come see him whenever you want. What is your name? Oh, I am field sergeant Brumley. The intersection of disadvantage. Six. Plus three is four. Shut up.

Awesome. I'm very, I'm very. She's too distracted with the body because he's coming out of his skin like a glove. Oh, my, no! She actually does, she looks at him and you say that, and she doesn't really realize the extent because he was really heavily wrapped up.

She scared the kids. And you would, and she looks down and she says, you said a burning building. Building. Building burned to a crisp. Oh, it was terrible. You should have seen everybody else. This is the lucky one.

She looks up at you with haunted eyes. Yeah, I look low in my head. Oh, sweet Jesus. This is how Peggy becomes a bed. I pray to the Marquise and her family that I never encounter a very burning building. and she like takes him this entire

this soldier onto her shoulder and she reaches up good boy and she gives you a bed good boy boy oh that's nice oh okay your leg starts twitching

and the dogs from new Felicia around here so I couldn't pass up the opportunity well I'm not gonna be staying long and you know so I'll probably be gone forever, goodbye, goodbye. Oh, you don't want to say? Goodbye.

And then so she takes a nurse Jasa, head nurse Jasa, takes the, can I write that down, takes the Calico Cat, whose names he never learned, so therefore I've not decided. We'll name Skinley. Ew! As you make your way having success,

successfully deceived the Marquis forces in this field hospital. And I will hustle to the inn. You do that. And meanwhile, the four of you look around, and there's a handful of establishments, but the one that smells the sweetest is a several story building

painted pure white, very well maintained, that actually looks like a very large, cartoonish beehive that they might have in all the apiaries. And you see this called the Honeycomb Inn. The Honeycomb Inn. And you see the smells coming from this building is probably the most delectable so far, Although you can kind of get the whiff of there's actually a whole like bakery quarter in this,

in this clearing as well. He's just visibly drilling. Yeah. So you see, and this is the end that's closest to there. It's basically in between this town square area. And you see, you know, once again, you look up, the clock tower is across the square. You see that what would have been a massive ancient tree. Petrified burn.

There's slash marks in it. Some branches have been snapped up off, but you see once again at the very top of this, a very large manor, manor house built into what had once been a canopy. And you are able to go into the honeycomb in. And you meant it? We can have anything that we want for breakfast. Yes, yes, yes. And I can have hers. Yes, that's fine.

And mine. Yes, let me just talk to the... How hungry are you feeling? I'm pretty hungry, all right? Just hang on. Let me talk to somebody, let me sort this out, all right? Look, we've got money. We might as well spend it while we have it.

It's not the last hour. I'll wait for you over there, and I'm going to run to the bakery section and press my little nose up against the glass. I will try to find someone to talk to. She's just manning a desk. Yeah, so you see that there is, it's not lively and rowdy,

like an inn would be after sunset, but you see a large, line for me, you have to dart around as there is a breakfast being served. You see that there is all sorts of pastries, sizzling meats, and a large pot of some sort of grits or porridge, and all sorts of other breakfast foods, large pots of root tea and coffee. And you see that there is that there is a heavy set badger. who seems to be the proprietor of this establishment. Going around, he has a large, almost like perfectly polished silver,

what do you call those coffee pot things, the percolators? The percolator pot. A caroff, yeah, of coffee or tea. Obviously, it's made a tin, right? Yes, it's made a tin. And the front desk of this inn is empty, but as he sees you enter, he quickly goes, over, he throws a towel that had been draped over his arm onto the bar.

He places the percolator of coffee down, and he approaches you. And you see now he's wearing very nice clothes of purples and golds, very well dressed of great finery. And he steps over and he says, Welcome to the Honeycomb Man, how can I hope you, friends? Oh, well, thank you, sir. First off, we're going to need a couple of rooms, preferably as close as possible, next to each other if possible. Pay for three nights up front, and I'm going to eat four, make it five plates of food.

Five plates of food? Well, it's all you can eat. It's just flat fee at the breakfast buffet. Well, in that case, I'll just pay for five entries. Do you look how that works? Yes, exactly right. I'll just go into my coat pocket, pull out a small coin purse, and, like, dump out a lot of the, you know, a lot of the... or a good amount of what we got from our heist. And does this cover it? Yeah, no, that'll be, well, if you, if we're staying in this part of town,

if you won five entries, that'll be about seven gold pieces all told. Done, I'll just, I'll push that amount at him. Oh, he takes. You got any of that rye barrel falls, right? Well, of course, yeah, we get it shipped in down the river, Old Tom's River every evening. I'll take another two gold out of my pocket.

Have a bottle sent out to my room. And I'll give him two gold pieces. He takes them. And well, thank you for the tip, Fran. As he collects all of it, he counts it. And he very quickly swipes it into a till, closes the box, locks it. And with that, he pulls out, he opens a drawer on the desk.

And you see, as you hear the rattling of keys, as he pulls out, the number of keys that you request and he places on them on the desk. And he also pulls out a very heavy book and he drops it down and he flips it open. And he says, and of course there's the business

of just making sure that we know who you are as Vice Roy Buntilda has decree we know where you're coming from and to make sure that you're all good to go. A lot of strange characters coming in and out the past couple of months trying to lock down on that. I'm sure you've heard of that.

So just need your, you need your names, your place of origin, where y'all coming from, where y'all going, how long you're staying in town? Oh, all of us. Al five, not just me. Oh, no, I'll need all five. Oh, goodness. Well, yeah, of course, we can attend to that right away.

My name is Bixie. Yep, there we go. That volunteered that one right up. This is Penny. Oh, yeah, Penny. That's right, Penny. My name is Paine. Have you have, have,

Have you ever smelled a body burning? Oh, Penny, Penny, not now. The sound of flesh popping in the woods. Okay, I'm sorry. We've had a very traumatic evening, which is why we're here so early in the morning. The way the bones crack when the fire gets into the marrow. Oh, oh boy.

We got, right, we said, Bitsy, Penny, Hank. I don't know her name. Yes, Maple Nut Bar. You can start hearing now. Go ahead, go ahead, Maple Nut Bar. That's your name, Maple Nut Bar. Maple Nut Bar, and the fifth one that will be joining us, he's a Pug, uh, Pugsley. His name is Pugsley. Adams.

Pugsley Adams, that's right. But he, you know. Make a deception check advantage because you're being helped by all your friends. Did you hear that? Oh, it's just a fireplace. Is there any way you could turn that off? 29. I can't beat that. We came for Pottsville, you know, we're here for at least three nights.

If we need to add more, I can add more, but I don't know how that works. Sorry, I'm new to these parts. How many rooms you get? Two. Two, okay. Can you make sure one of those rooms does not have a fireplace in it, please? He turns to you and he actually looks a little serious. And he says, oh yeah, I don't know.

I know the smell. I was there. I was there 10 years ago when they took sticker brush and rebels. They done terrible things. Holy shit, that got dark. The crack in the fire still haunts me. It never stops, haunting here. I can't sleep right.

One of my eyes kind of starts to lel off to the sock. Your tongue pushes her back. Penny, why don't you take this room key, and when you're feeling better, you can come down and have breakfast, right? She's paid for, take your time. It'll give you time to turn that fire off. Who knows what'll happen if I come back downstairs

and I see it on? And I'm just going to turn around and go upstairs. Well, this might be eating the kids' menu and likes some colorful writing instruments. What is this shit? It comes with crayons. I love it. All right.

I'll get the chicken nuggets. Peggy safe. Penny is safe in her room. Honey nut bar is over there eating to our hearts content. Bitsy, please go ahead. I'll wait for Pugsley. Pugsley. At this point, Pugsley enters. Pugsley. Thank you.

I'm just shoveling. Thank you. I'm like, you're at the buffet. Yes, but I don't have a plate. I'm just going to each station and shoveling. You were smart to buy to buy that rye. I hear they hide illusions in the water. What?

They, they, they are allusions in the water. Who is they? We'll talk about them later. Oh, you're getting us rooms? Oh, yes. Oh, it's me feel sergeant. Puddley. Y!

Pugsley. Pugsley, yes. I miss me. I missed you. Your Pugsley, you've always been Pugsley. Here's the key to our room. A pug named Pugsley? That's, Bouganette's like the most cliche name for a pug ever.

I know. I'm panicked, all right. But if you're hungry, I bought your breakfast, so it's all you can eat and get in line, and we've got a room. I'm actually hiding on the stairs, and I say, yeah, outside of the name, Luna. And then I'm going to turn around

and I'm going to continue to walk up the stairs. Well, that's, Penny is going up to her room right now. And Honey Nut Bar, Honey Nut for short, is over there, showing down like she always does, and of course we've got Bitsy. Honey Nut Bar. Someone just said it, shouted it out, and it sounded like it stuck. I was in a tight spot.

I haven't slept. Was it no? I mean, as I was coming in, I'm out of her maple nut bar. Maple Nut Bar. That's exactly right. It's a maple nut bar. Oh, my goodness. I'm basically...

I'm basically delirious from now. I'm not sleeping. Maple Nutbar. He has sorted in Brumley. Let me write those down. 11. Roll the natural, too. He said, you see the Badger look at you and he, his ears perk up as you say Brumley,

but then as soon as Booker kind of jumps in the way, he seems to get distracted by another guest and then hands them something that they need and then turns back. And he says, well, fellas, my name is Bo. if you need anything. And I don't sleep much. So all hours of the night, I'll have the Rye set up to your room right away. Thank you so much, Mr. Bo.

And I promise we won't cause any problems. You won't even know we're here. What was he? He's a badger. A badger. She's a badger. An American badger. Thank you for that clarification.

Come on, Matt Coos. That's hilarious. No, no, no. It's Hank. You know that. I'm going to call you raccoons. If that's what you want, you know, Bugsley. Whatever makes you happy, it makes me happy.

Friends. All right. Liz, Frongsley. And my name's Bidsey. And he says, and he looks over and he says, in the bar area, I apologize about the gentleman in the corner. He's had a rough life and I don't have the heart to kick him out. He means well, but it's a little pathetic.

Well, we've all bought the rough times. It's all right. Yeah, we have. Joyous day at the Honeycomb Man, friends. Let me know if you need something. And he goes back to his business. All right. Well, I guess Penny's got to be resting.

Looks like Hazel's going to be out for at least, I don't know, the next eight hours. I don't know. We stop serving breakfast at 10. Uh-oh. What time is it now? It's probably about, like, yeah, like, like, like, eight, eight o'clock.

80.30. Quite frankly, I was going to go see our rooms and then maybe hit the bottom. I could use a little drink after what we witnessed last night. I suppose I could take my armor off and store it in the room, you know. I haven't taken itself in like three weeks.

Yes, well, we could all use a little bit of relaxation. Splanky. Yeah, maybe a nice bath. I could drop off my bags full of sap. Yes, yes, you could. Did you say sap? Like tree sap, yeah. You bags full of sap.

I have one bag, yeah. That's what I put on that Bernie guy. Oh. That was. Well, yeah, let's do that, and then we'll have a drop off of things. We can, you know, split up amongst the rooms as we see fit. I'm a gentleman. I figured ladies and men separate rooms, but they should be close,

so we'll be all right. All right, let's go. You do that. And you find wonderful rooms. You're able to join back as, as Beau, the proprietor of this place, looks at Hazel, he, like, says, I gotta go on the kitchen. He shuffles back. Mr. Bo?

Yes, don't. Could you ask them while you're back there, if there's any more of sweet potato porridge? Sweet potato. We out already? We just, oh, yeah. Well, it's just that it's an all-you-cats. It's just that it's an all-you-can-eat and I can eat more of it. He looks at you.

My cheeks are like out to here, just like shuzzle with me. You see like any of the flashbacks of like war horrors in his eyes. And this was the last day they ever had an all-you-can-eat-thir-th. It's really delicious, all of it. And he nods, and he says, well, yeah, I'll let him know. I'll let him know. And he shuffles back into the kitchen.

Thank you. Well, bow money and bow problems is what I always say. I wish I understood half the thing you said, Bitsy. But why is she still Bitsy? Well, to be fair, I really didn't have a chance to jump in before she just introduced herself and then got all my names wrong. So I just kind of bowled with it.

But you weren't here, so I had to come up with one for you. And that's where we are now. Well, I guess I'm Pugsley, then. Just for now. Well, I could be Pugsley Brunley. Absolutely. It's your name. Maybe it's my last name.

I mean, they don't know that. Well, Penny off and up Adams, but you could be Pugsley Brumley Adams. That's fine by me. Do you have a hyphenate in? Adams Brumley? Hey, whatever you want. It's your persona. there are no rules yet

plus well hold on not like that I mean oh no I mean there are no rules when you're a vagabot

we're free to do what we want provided we don't get you know incarcerated by the Marquis art or you know snatched up by the eerie so just don't get caught is what you're saying

yeah more or less all right are we all doing that yeah so on our idea. Are you, are you done? Oh, I was in the room. I was told to go to the room. Yeah, we were going to drop our stuff off and like, you know. I'll come back down. Yeah, we can all. I'll make sure they tune to fire, though. And before she comes down, I try to find like it, like a glassed clicker thing. Turn the electric fire place up.

You got to turn this knob out. You find a clicker. You find a something as a clicker and you hit it. The fire doesn't change it. You get a horrible ringing in your ears. Touchdown! Forty-diner! And it's just a dog clicker. As, you're changing the channel at the bar, and people are getting really fast. As Bo steps up and he's like, you need some help with that?

Do you want us to, is it too warm in here? I mean, do you mind just making sure that it fires out so that our friend can come join us? If you have money. Make a persuasion check. At advantage because he has experience. Oh, 25. Oh, wow.

Yeah. He says, all right, it's a, it's been a dark couple of months. I would stay inside. There's going to be some public executions later. I don't know if y'all folks are familiar with that. Oh, good heavens. No. Yeah, no, the Viceroy's been cracking down on the rebels.

And they deserve it. I ain't saying they don't. but are they members of the Woodland and Lawrence? Not presumed Oh how do you feel about that? Feel about what?

I don't care for anyone who would be hanging on the streets No, I'll just mean like the Woodland and Orange Like, you know As a person at a forest You know, you're not a cat or a dog or anything I'm just curious how you feel about their message I was pretty intimidating

Because he looks like one of the Marquis Is that? And because he is. I've seen what they do. It's not good to talk about it out loud. Yeah, this is hardly. Breakfast conversation. Calling rebels, they fugitives of the law, criminals.

Viceroy has orders and I guess folk you gotta do what they gotta do. Once peace returns, then perhaps it'll all stop. And we can go back to our charming, comfortable ways. But they just brought a whole train of folk. They say it's going to be tomorrow. So that's what usually happens. I'm just guessing. With the big ram fella. Oh, clunk? Yeah. Clunk? His name's clunk? He stay away from him. Oh, he looks very strong. He is the Viceroy's right-hand ram. I thought it was just his underbite that made him look little frowny. Yeah, Hazel, he was like seven and a half feet tall and probably weighs like 650 pounds.

Have you ever seen a kangaroo? What? What? A kangaroo, I don't think they're from the dim wood. But they're yoked. They hop on their back legs. What? Running yokes.

Yeah, I thought it was called chunked up. Well, they do, they do run. So here's the thing, they have these tiny little arms, but their chests are massive. And what they'll do is they'll do is they're chunked up. They'll put their arms around your neck, especially to dogs, Pugsley, so you don't want to get anywhere close to them. They'll put their arms around your neck,

and then they jump up, and they've got these back talons on the back of their legs, and they'll literally rend you down the middle and let your guts spill out all over the ground. It's like a bird with arms that can run. And huge ears like a bunny. This is like in the dim wood, and we don't have to worry about this, right? I've never heard of a kangaroo being in the dim wood before,

but they might, and they're highly intelligent and really territory. Oh, Bowlings forward and his eyes are wide. I ain't ever heard of nothing called a kangaroo, but there are dark things. I don't know if you've been to the forest edge in the woods, especially at night. There's something on the edge of the clearing. Grow and they say that there's bear. I'm pretty sure a kangaroo could take a bear in a fist fight. The vice roy sent soldiers out every time.

they never come back. Holy moly. They're supposed to be haunts every week. No one's been, no one's been skilled enough to survive, I guess. There's a huge reward, but I don't know what fool would ever take that up. No amount of gold is worth that.

That's what I'm saying. But how much gold really, though, is, are they talking about you? You ain't seriously considered. For me, personally, no. Oh, on that case, it's 5,000 gold. Oh, holy smokes. I mean, paid for personally by the Viceroy herself.

But Tilda. But Tilda. Is she a rabbit? How do you know? She is pretty famous. Her face is all over. It was a wild guess on my part. Are you okay?

You didn't just make a joke? No. Rabbit? Wild? Yeah? He looks at you and says, you folks really aren't from around here. The Viceroy is one of the richest folk in all the dim wood and the honey that we make here is shipped over the entire dimwood and it's used to sweeten the tea of all the fancy noble types of new Felicity.

Y'all may even ship it, ship it back to the monroe to Cat, to back old Felicia. That's how good the honey is, and she taxes the heck out of it, and with all the terrorists, and she makes a pretty penny. And you have symbols of the

honey? Oh, the good stuff with the Queens apiary? Oh, no, that ain't for us common folk. We got good clit-cloth honey, which you've all... It's some on your... It's just the normal stuff. Have you ever heard of

the dim worm. Dim worm? Yeah, it's a giant worm. It's about three feet long and one and a half foot around. And it has a face, like a human face right on the front. The hell's a human. What? What's a human?

It's a gigantic wild creature. Jesus, you're talking about lore. Mythology, folklore, you know? I've never heard that referred to as a dim worm, but the Wileida go. Did you know that the... Did you know that the Woleetigo is an offset of the dim worm? They were originally one in the same

until the cataclysm happened. Which the cataclysm? It's just like in my dreams. What do you mean in your dreams? I feel like I'm crazy, going crazy here. I was stationed in Rippin Northern Ridge, and when I was a young badger, but I could have sworn that I had one night when we were out camping,

I saw that bogus shake. You know how you can tell the difference between a dim worm and a willie to go? One of them has a gold ring right around the midsection, and every time they scoot along, that three-foot-long body, that ring just wrinkles up in its folds. Well, there's that much gold that.

You should tell the vice-roar about it. But it's the Wollita-Go that uses them and you don't want to get close. Well, I ain't ever going near after what I saw that night and reconnoit a ridge. Which was? I saw people go off to take a leak in the woods and they came back different. Changed after witnessing such a thing. The Babylon, I can still hear it. It sounds like a Wolita-Go.

I'm changing from listening to this story. I'm just trying to enjoy some porridge and you guys are talking about some horrific stuff. I'm sorry. I can get dark in my thoughts sometimes. You know what? I'm going to the bar. Goodbye. That's why I have such a soft spot for old Nestor in the corner.

Oh, I thought you were talking about me. You know what? Yeah, I'm going for you. That was obvious. I'm going to. Enjoy the conversation. This is lovely. Where are you going to go?

The bar. Oh, no. Don't we have drink service at a table? Do we have drink service at a table? I can bring it to you if you care. do? Yeah, but it comes with tales of the horrific creatures. I don't want to hear about this. The problem with that is that you'll be bringing it. Could you bring us drinks in and go help out faster over there? What was his name? Isn't that the name of your uncle? Allnester? Nester.

Just old master? Like, he's old. I don't call everybody old. I mean, he's not like. I just want to be respectful. I mean, it's kind of hard to tell. He looks like a middle-aged duck. who just had a hard, miserable life. And you look over, as you see that there is a large, empty bottle. It's probably about like nine o'clock now. And there's a large empty bottle of whiskey. And there is a very rough, haggard and clearly drunk Mallard Duck that's sitting at the corner table.

And he's just looking absolutely miserable. Now, that's a guy. Now that's a guy who knows how to party. Should we say hi? It looks lonely. He reminds me of a duck I knew in my youth. Is Bo gone? Bo, yeah, go take your drink orders and fuck off.

Oh, no, no, no. Did any of you in your youth have summer jobs? I don't mean to interrupt, but I think Bo has a crush on you. Why do you think that? He called her a pretty penny. Oh, that is pretty cute, but I'm not. I'm currently living in the horrors of last night. I don't have time to think about a summer romance.

Maybe Bo could be your beau and just romp you right out of that. He yawns an inn, you should lock that down right away. Nothing cheers me up, like, well, I was going to say pudding, but I guess like kisses in this case would be nice too or company. I mean, owning property in the midst of the Marquis-Arts. It's pretty impressive at this point. I can't think about getting naked and rolling around with a badger when I can still smell the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I've been a lot of candle or something. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not, a lot of candles. I've been told that lovemaking makes a certain odor, um, maybe it would, it smells like my alchemy lab back home. Maybe that would cover the scent of all the, Krispy corpses. So did any of you have a summer job when you were growing up? Just one normal breakfast. That's all I want.

I used to work in a place called Quack Donalds. Our clientele was mostly ducks. I manned the register, which was this place where you'd put the gold when people ordered their food. It's called a till. We called it a register because that's where we registered the gold. All right. Tushay. Matt. I worked behind it when I was nigh but a penny in my use.

And there was this duck that came in. Flawnold was his name. Flawnold used to wear a shirt that was a little bit too small for him in a lime green color. And a pair of shorts that were a little too short and a little too tight for him in a bright neon orange color. So his belly button, I don't know if you know this, but ducks have. belly buttons beneath all that fur. I wouldn't have felt that. And his belly...

Feathers, but I feel like I'm just interrupting at this point. I'm learning so much. Whatever. It was... This is a terrible story. And if I had to live through it, you're going to hear about it now. And he would walk up every single day, every single day. And his belly button would be exposed.

And Flonald would stand in front of me and he'd look up at it. We had this really nice menu that was coughed. It was done by a really, this woodwork. Anyway, it's carved under the wall, and he would look up at it, and he would stick his finger in and out of his belly button with a loud, squishy pop. I'm going to be sick. Over and over and over again, as he went, I want the big and nasty. And I would say, Flonnell, do you mean the big and tasty, sir? And he go, oh, no, the big and nasty.

And so I would order him the big and tasty. That was number five on the menu. And he'd pick up his meal and he'd leave, and then I'd see him again and like, thanks. That's how I paid for college. With big and nice books? No, by working at McQuackdonalds. Nick Quackdonalds. Yeah, McQuack Donald.

Well, they eventually changed the name later. Yeah, it became a chain. I think it's all over the day. Never had that. You should try it. You'd love it. I'm sure I would. Oh, the French flies are delicious, but I mean, I'm a frog, so.

Oh. That star was so pretty. What? I was just not quite sure. I'm going to go talk to Nestor. All right. I'm going to, where's Nestor? He's just at a table.

Nestor did he have a corner table. I'm going to walk up to Nestor's table. Hi, Nestor. Fireballs. And so I thought that maybe I'd strike up conversation with you about your belly button. Why is everyone asking me about my belly buttons? See if he can do the pop.

Is that what he really says? You were fucking amazed. He looks up at you and it was a drunken look. How do you know my name? Oh, um, Beau told me. Oh, good old Bo. Yeah, he's a real guy, you know, and the buffet is delicious. Yeah, I always called him the Beau Fay.

Every, all the patrons will throw pennies at me. What? That's really good. If I had a penny despair, I'll give it to you too. That's quite a joke. I said that he should rename it. He'd make so much more money, and he refused. I've used to the done failure.

But you could start your own Beaufei. Oh, that was my dream. Well, not Beauvais, because my name is messed him. It was my dream to become a chef, to be the personal chef of the vice-roy. I used to be both cook until I failed to drink. Just break the glass and murder him. I swear we can't have one nice family male.

It's never going to happen. I don't ask for much from you, people. Well, Nestor, it's never too late to change your life. And if you ever want to practice cooking, I'd be so happy to help you out and taste test for you. He blinks at you, and he said, no, it's not just that. I've already fallen from grace, my reputation. I was a master chef. I was

better than I I was platinum chef I was lined up to be the Weifthro's personal chef And I lost it all Due to

Do to something so silly And ridiculous That should be good Well I'm scared I was I was known in this crossing years ago.

That's formal. As, and my duck sauce was legendary. What's that mean? Oh, the sauce created by me a duck, and I named it duck sauce. I haven't ever had that.

It's not all what you think of is, but it's very delicious. What would you put it on? Everything, that's why the Vythro loved it so much. Oh, but... It's delicious. But... She would only take the best, most credentialed personal chefs.

And she would only take someone who had earned a certificate from Gordon Rahm's school. And I went through the whole thing. It was grueling. He beat me down emotionally and physically occasionally. And I got my degree. No, you're coming. The box room was gone, and I had nothing to show from my years of Harvard. Hear all of this.

I'm like trying not to turn around. You say, what? It's the most prestigious culinary. Fine school of culinary cooking. In the whole Timwood. I've heard that's very prestigious. Nothing else for the Vice Roy. Oh, and I would have been able to create the most delectable sweets from her secret honey vault with the Queen's honey.

That's my dream, you know. That was the secret ingredient in the dog sauce of little honey. No one would have guessed because it was a little spiking. Oh. And then ever since I lost it, I just, my life was over. That's really, how can anyone lose something so important to themselves? I'm such an idiot. He's like, oh, well, can I have enough?

I haven't have a book, please. Just the cheap stuff. You'll always have your secret recipe for duck sauce, which was honey and something I'm sure that was very tasty. You know the worst part. After my terrible spiral started the moment I misplaced that diploma. Maybe if they could just... I forgot the recipe to my own duck rock.

I could have been something. That's terrible, Mr. It's really, really sad, and I... Don't be like me. I'm a cautionary tale. I'll take that into consideration. And thanks for telling me all of that. Oh, no, I tell everyone who come upon and everyone in town over my floor.

Oh, well, good. I'm a laughing, dog. I've just got a little tickle on my throat. I've got to go back to my table. How typical duck is a stalk? What? What? Duck stock.

Can I have one? You're going to buy me a drink. I think you already got most of what I'm doing. It's just saying random shirknits for them. Oh, what I could have been. I've got to go. I'll see you soon, Nestor. The secret with honey.

The secret was honey. I can't remember anything else. Goodbye. Goodbye, Hazel. And Boel, and Bo Lutz. He was like, was that her name? Really important to tell you. We heard the whole thing from over here was

quite embarrassing. You've ruined that God's life. No, what? You stole his diploma. You fucked his life up flatter than hammed shit. He probably used literally all the money that he had. Everything he owned to go to Gordon Rams' culinary school and he stole his life saving.

You stole his life away. I worked in quite a doubt. I was going to say, no. What were you going to say? I was going to say that the viceroy needs a personal chef with us, certificate from Gordon Ramsey's school and I have one. Did you find out if he can do the Billy Button? And he really just skimmed right over that.

I guess it was a little inappropriate to ask right off. Hazel, I was going to scold you just like everybody else, but that's actually brilliant. I could get a taste of the Queen's Bee Honey. I mean, listen. Do you know what that's worth? Not to mention all the gold they're going in a sugar shop just thinking about it. I was going to tell you that we had to fix this guy's life. But as soon as he said that he forgot the recipe, it's like, what's even the point?

Why would we pass up an opportunity to get close to the viceway? He seems clumsy. He misplaced his certificate, and you know how hard those are to get. If you're going to do this, you're going to need some actual cooking tools, though, because the things that you gave me are not that. No, I know that now. Cobler tools do not make cobbler. That is true.

So you're going to need some chef's tools, so we're going to have to find some place in town that sells a really nice set of show. chef's tools because if we're gonna pass this, if we're gonna pass Hazel off as like a top-tier chef, we gotta make it look realistic. My dream's gonna come true. Does it even figure- We're gonna need a hat. We're gonna need an apron.

We're gonna need the tools. We can have to pull all of our money together to get this done. Is it morably gray or questionable to anyone else that not only did Hazel steal that poor duck diploma, but he's gonna steal from him. He said it himself that he's a drunk and he misplained. Well, actually he misplaced it and then became a drunk. And to be fair, he was only saying he misplaced it because he set it down, went to the little duck's room, came back, and it was gone.

That's terrible. Did you ever maybe take a look at if there was a name on the diploma that you stole? No, I scribbled it out pretty quick. Oh, we could probably still check right now. I bet we could tell. I bet if we looked at the back to see. I'll hold it up to the... the light, and you see something of like Esther, Modester, but it's...

I got a 20 pool. We were a little busy not being able to breathe. Just making it bullshit. Yeah. You hold it to, there actually is a, there's a few hanging lamps. It's a very well-lit, beautiful room, and there's all sorts of light flooding in, and you hold it up to the light very clearly. is the name Nestor Zappa.

Huh. I guess it, I mean, inconclusive, really. It does say Nestor Zappa, which he did not say is his name. And, you know, how many different ways could you spell that? This could be Nister for a reno.

I mean, that's how I would spell Nester. I mean, if I would name me, nest it. I said, I would spell it. Yeah, but... Hey, hey, mate, what's your last name? Oh, it's there, but my whole family ditherto name. It's neither here nor there.

It's not even his name. Anymore. Look, I don't know what's going to happen here with all this, but we are not blowing this opportunity just for you to try some royal honey, all right? We're saving this. We're keeping this in our back pocket because there might be a big payday involved at some point, all right?

Why not both? Well, we don't really know anything about this place yet. We've just shown up. We know there's going to be public executions tomorrow. We've got to be careful. Plus, if you take on this role... I'm sure, that's going to be hungry work. They probably need somebody to cater their executions.

You think about how many last meals just walked by us in the street. And if you screw that up, what do you think is going to happen? going to get tossed in with them. I'm yours to be on that chain gang and they're going to publicly execute you. I've got to do. She scribble out whatever this says

a little bit harder and it clearly says hazel nut. I mean, then that means that that we're agreeing that we're going to steal that guy's not a diploma and dream. And life, really. His life's over. It already says hazel nuts.

Really, if we did that, it'd be stealing from me. And I don't think that's fair because I'm not a drunk. You're spending way too much time with me. Sounds like something I would say. It seems fair. I did go through the course,

and I thought I did really okay, considering that I was making pies with shoes. Sho tools. A lot of them ended up looking like shoes, but they were fun. It was like a whimsical kind of hand pie, or foot pie, really. Oh.

You know, because sometimes I miss the days where we, you know, we're pretending to be the soggy bottom boys playing jaunty tunes and casually murdering Morley Gray elites. You know, simpler times. You can never go home, Brumley. You can never go home. So are we going to allow Hazel to do this thing? Because we have a lot to prepare.

We've got to get her a chef's hat. She needs an apron. She's going to need actual tools. Who the fuck is Hazel? I'm going to go to the bathroom. Well, you know? I know it shouldn't bother me because she never knows where anything's going on. Well, Bitsy's in the bathroom.

Do you want to steal something from her? No, why would I do that? She went to the bathroom. She's like, I know, she really doesn't know my name or where she is, but I think she's, you know, getting towards friend territory. My purse is right there. Oh. Do I smell anything tasty in her purse?

They'll probably smell sweet inside. It's not what I asked. Whatever Derek smells anything tasty. Whatever Derek says. I'm scared to the whole line. You gotta ask, I'm just saying. I do smell, but then my stomach is bloated out here. My cheeks are still kind of working off some of the all-you-can-eat-the-face.

Oh, wooden, Steve. I wouldn't steal from Betsy. She's a friend. All right, if you're sure. Is there any chance that maybe, if you can get close to the vice, Roy, you can convince them not to off all those poor credits? Yeah, maybe. That's a good idea. Look, I know that we all have differing opinions of this woodland alliance,

and some of us might not be so keen on them, but, you know, it just seems a little barbaric to be hacking people in the streets. and I'm going to mean a crew. I would say it's a little barbaric too to light the entire town on fire which is what Bo said the Woodland Alliance has been doing. I mean here's the thing.

I don't necessarily agree with their principles I believe that Demarkey's art has broad industry in civilization than a dimwood but that doesn't mean I mean that fox girl seemed okay and you know she meant well

I think. Maybe not, but it seemed like she did. I feel sad. You know, and maybe she was wrongly accused. I guess she wasn't wrongly accused because we have the acorn thing. Anyway, my idea was maybe we could show Bo the acorn. Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea unless you want to be hung in the street tomorrow. Let him finish. What were you going to say? What are you hoping he's going to do? Oh, I don't know. Maybe he would turn this in and he would be hanged in the street. That was the whole thought.

Okay, thank you. No, thank you. No, I didn't have any for you. Fantastic. That's the last time I stick up for you, grunny. Well, no, I don't know. Maybe he would be like, why would you need that?

You're one of us. Let me show you there's a secret underground tunnel that goes straight to the prisoners. Take it and then jump out, kill the ram, and free everyone. And you'll be the heroes of the crossing. The heroes are the... Have you been reading comic books again before bed? That's a pretty unlikely series of events.

The same sounds like, you know, what do you think this is? Some sort of a theatrical production? Geez. I don't know. We've done some pretty cool stuff before. I mean, it's not that unreasonable. I mean, he's a badger. Badger's a good, hearty, you know, animal in the forest.

That seems like a Woodsland-Aliancy type of animal. That's a little racist. Okay, I'm... I'm... I'm really... I hate to say this in front of everyone. everyone Pugsley. But you are not Pugman,

the mass vigilante of Gruffam City, all right? You gotta stop reading those things before you go to sleep. You're getting wild ideas. It just kind of look like it. Not well, just say, say, a Pugman. Justice.

I am vengeance. That's pretty good. Oh, it's pretty good. All right, I will give you that. That's pretty good. But you're still not him, Grumley. I mean, Pug'sley. No, it's Brumley.

What? Oh, boy. We've got a lot of names going on here. Anyway, well, so we're going to do this? I mean, I really think we should kill that bear instead. Why, we kill a bear? Like, about 5,000 gold pieces. There's a lot of money, but it's also a bear.

And if we're going to pay for you to get a job? I don't think it's, no, you get paid. I think... We have to, we have to buy you. Did you go ahead? Did you pay for your job at crack up? Yeah, of course they did. So don't they pay me then?

Yeah, but we got to pay for your hat We got to pay for your apron We got to pay for your actual cooking Your chef's tools That's true I burned to throw a lot of my gold In the rooms and all this food You gotta break a few eggs

And make an omic I'm gonna'all. I should have fully food medicine So I think that's a good point We should probably go kill that bear Get the 5,000 gold pieces And then we'll definitely have the money To get Hazel up into

Barnaculous Castle or whatever It's a bear though I mean, good Lord. How are we going to keep... I mean, we're like a fraction of the weight of a bear. I mean, he's four of us. And bitty. Bears cannot spin their heads around 180 degrees.

I don't know. I made it up. I'm not really good at math. That's not very far at all. I mean, is that a weakness we could use? Yeah, because if we... If we all jump on the bear's backs, we're so strong. small, the bear's not going to be able to turn its head all the way around like

Beetlejuice. I heard they can just go like that, they're pretty easy. They're more flexible and nice feet. They don't have thumbs. I don't think they need. I reach up and I also don't have thumbs. Well, I'm the easy thing. I'm thinking maybe instead of the reward

we could be like, could you please release the prisoners? But I mean, it's stickier than you look. although I don't know what's more valuable to the crossing. I touch you and I'm optimistic you with him. Is it killing a bear or, you know, keep catering a mass execution? I'll have to be honest.

My sugar was a bit high when Bow was telling us about the bear. Why do they want to kill it? Because it's scary. It's going to maybe kill people. But has it already? Except for the ones that were hunting it? A lot of people haven't come back or they've come back. From hunting it?

From hunting it. Allegedly. Hey, look, you don't have to convince me. I don't want to go tussle with a bear. Have you seen me? I'm a raccoon. So you don't want 5,000 gold pieces. I'd love 5,000 gold pieces, but they're not good to me if I'm dead.

Why don't we just go see the bear and say, hey, these people are trying to kill you, and why don't we just help you pretend to be dead and then get the go of that way? And then the bear doesn't have to die. You'll probably reward us with a stash of honey. And then we can come back and have $5,000, a bear friend, and some honey. What a dollar. You know, I don't know. I'm back from the bathroom.

I bought a bowl of sugar. From the bathroom? No, I got it from the buffet. There was sugar? You actually ate the first bowl. Well, I didn't even taste it. That's why I got fucking bold. Pitsy on knew when we were going to be friends.

We are good friends. Good friends. A hazel, by the way. Oh, you're hazel? Shh, keep it on the down low. I thought your name was honey. No, it's maple. For now.

You can call me sugar if you want. I'll call you. Oh, my hazel. Just scooping. I like it when sugar comes in cubes. You don't often get that. I don't really know how they get it in cubes, are you? So what are we going to do that?

What's our plan? Well, if we need money to pay for Hazel's 4,000 gold textbooks. I don't think it costs that much, but I can't just go as one singular chef. I've got to have a whole chef crew, which means you all need little chef hats too and probably aprons. And so someone's going to need to be the sous chef, someone's going to need to be the dessert chef, someone's going to need to be the bus, the bus boy or the server or whatever. And we'll be an entire crew, you know what I mean? It would be great. Oh, and we need to come up with a name for whatever restaurant you ran,

wherever it is that you came from, so we can give it fake reviews. Oh, gosh, I've got to think on it. On Yap. On Yap. Let's call it the restaurant. You can eat here. It's an eatable location. It's awfully vague, don't you think?

Oh, that makes it sort of believable. Everyone will say, let's go. go to the restaurant and they'll know exactly come to us. Oh, thank on it. There's something wrong with your logic. Actually, that logic's pretty sound because if you just called the place to dinner, then when everyone's like, hey, let's go to dinner, they all want to go to your restaurant. Yeah, but what if we want to serve breakfasts and lunches?

What, like people don't eat breakfast for dinner? And teas in the afternoon and morning. But you're starting to get a little out of sorts. We can call it to dinner. And did someone say breakfast? That makes it, I don't know, last mate, but I guess it's more for catch-all. But what about lunch after that? What about dinner?

Did somebody say breakfast? What about lunch and tea? That's the name's getting very long. Yeah, I think there's something about putting long names on permits that the product and allow that. Oh shit. That shit's copyright. You can't start that shit. This is ours. This is the best idea I've ever heard. Please write it down to somebody. I'm writing it right here. Do dinner and did somebody say breakfast? What about lunch and tea? I'm kind of like to name it after my dad. What's your dad's name? His name is Wall. Wally.

Wolley's. So what about just Wally's restaurant? I was thinking like Walmart. and it covers all the different things and we could have like breads and pastries and also. Is March for like markets? Yeah, it's like a mark where you can go and like, but there's like a sit-in place and like, heck maybe if we even get really, really big,

like some of the things that you make that maybe less exploding ones that we could sell that there too. Maybe it could just be a store where you can find everything and if we do really well, we can just lower all the prices and run out all the low. businesses. You know it would be really cool.

No competition. Oh, and this is how you can make up to Nestor. I don't know what voice I'm using right now, but here we go. This is how you can make up to Nestor. You can ask him if he wants to stand at the door and greet people when they come in. The fact that he's a slubbering drunk that smells horrible isn't going to deter anyone because if you're shopping at Walmart, you're used to it by now. That's exactly right. I think that's a great idea. So then, oh, this is great, Pugley. This means that Hazel isn't going to ruin Nesta's life.

She's going to give him a whole new lease on life and money to buy more booze. I've completely lost control. I don't know what's happening anymore. I don't know what we're doing. I'm worried. For the first time, I'm worried. But as group is we're eating each other alive. The bathroom's over there.

He just talked. What? I think he was about to just have to take a little nap. Yes, yes, I would like that a lot. Let's do that. Let's maybe just have like a little breast. We'll digest a little. And then maybe we should explore town a bit

and see what we can find out about those prisoners. All right. I yeah, I look, I don't know about this whole bear thing. Still on the fence about that, because I really like my insides to stay my insides. And I know I said, that I didn't really want to get involved in the whole politics of the situation, but I also don't want to see a whole bunch of dead bodies swinging from the rafters

or whatever they're going to put them. What's worse? A bunch of small dead bodies are one like really big dead body, or your dead body? Oh, how about none of those? How about nobody dies? And we saved a day, and we have five thousand going. I love that. That's an option.

I'm taking that option. Yes, yes, Grumley. That's the one that sounds nice. Often we can kill a bear. I mean, we're really good at killing stuff. Remember that hour? You stab right in the back. Oh, man, you just took his loss like that. It was barely an inconvenience.

Oh, jeez. Super easy. I try to think about that, Brumley. You really shouldn't hold it in. I mean, when I'm here the word of murder, I think how that's my old pal booker. That's terrible, Brumley. Why would you say something like that? You were so good, Eddie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

you always, you think back to the, you think to when people are telling stories or in plays about how when someone on a play gets stabbed in the back, they let out a, go, ah, they're yelling. But you know what it sounds like to stab someone in the back where the air goes out of their lungs. Oh, boy.

And you can, you see blood on feathers of a barn owl just immediately. Thank you, Sarmone. It's bird fur It's bird fur Out of a horrible burlap sack It was a long time ago It's fine I mean you've saved

You saved Hazel I think maybe Did you really stab an owl in the back? There's a long time ago like Romley said I'm not really gonna talk about it I'm going to bed And I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna head to my room Oh shoot right around It's about 10 a.m.

Yeah they can He didn't see you coming. He really kind of deserved it. I was going to ask when he stabbed him in the back, do his head turn around in shock? Just as he died. Why? The light went out of his thighs. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head.

Get out of my head! Why? Why? Who? Who? Really? Really. And he walked past

the staff. of the honeycomb, and as they're clearing up breakfast, as someone, you see one of the patrons who wakes up, looking groggy. Looks to do, like maybe a well-to-do merchant visiting from New Felicia to Cat. He's like, he's like rushing and he's huffing, and he sees that they've cleared away the buffet in the morning.

Like, oh, fuck. I hate this happens every time. It's okay, mate. They were mostly out of everything. I asked them to refill, but you know, these little places just kind of accommodate sometimes. I don't know. Oh, Mab's. That's better anyway. And he stops off, very frustrated. And you're able to go to the room. And you find it very nice.

You see that there's a bottle of rye from Rye Barrelfall. I crack that bad boy open. I pour myself like four fingers of rye, and I'll drop my things, and I'll lay in one of the beds and I'll try to get a short rest. Yeah, you're able to enjoy a short rest, easily. I guess we all go back to the clock. It's 10 a.m.

We've been awake all night. Yeah, we need a little nappy now. Before I go back to the room, I want to go out into the, I will leave the inn. I want to look for a flyer that has, like, the bare information with reward. And while I'm out there,

I just kind of, like, want to sniff the air to see if I get a scent of the fox. I mean, I don't know, but I don't know. Oh. Yeah, make a perception check at advantage. I like that. What a great idea. Oh, I rolled 213.

Nice, not bad. Two. So, yeah, girls. 18. 18. I would say that you sniff the air and you actually do get a set. What do? It is very faint, but you are able to follow it a bit before it gets, you know, there's a number of foxes.

You know, you've seen a few foxes, but the one that seemed very familiar as you took it in, you're able to make your way towards like the kind of military quarter of this. It's actually which the field hospital was kind of on the edge of. Right. And you see the field hospital, and you see that there's a number of, there's another recruitment center there, several of the barracks. And you see that there is a large building that is towards the center of this corner, where the buildings are built up.

You see that charming, for lack of a better term, like cottage core aesthetics of the rest of the buildings in this town. This is a lot more very simple, very efficient. Reminds you very much of the military buildings in New Felicia. You recognize this, and same as basically all of the Marquisot structures and quarters that have basically been erected in all these towns that they have control over.

And you see, however, there's a very large building that is of the dark stone that's almost that's circular and tiny, tiny, tiny windows where there are windows at all. And you get the sense that this reminds you of a prism. And it goes in that direction. I'll make note of that. And there's like a flyer for the bear. Yeah, you're able to see and you see that they're brought past the, in the center,

there's a grand statue of a plump rabbit holding, a sceptre looking gaudy, and you get the sense of that's probably the viceroy, as you eventually find a large bulletin board. You're not too far from the town square, and you find, you see an image of a huge bear, at least what you've imagined and what you've seen, the pictures of bears etched. And it's not crude, but it's not particularly well drawn.

And he's got almost like this cartoonishly like savage mouth, dripping with blood, holding a huge axe, and like wearing very simple kinds of leathers. Like you expect like a barbarian or something like that to wear. And you see that there are rabbits that comically have, like, their heads removed. And like you see that there are cats that are, you know, severed down the middle, perfectly cleanly by the artist.

And like cartoonish blood and bones scattered around. And it says that the return of the hide of the bear, is the reward personally paid for by the vault of the viceroy. Are there multiple, can I pull one down? I would say you'd be able to find something like that. Terrible ticking off in the bathroom. And you would see that there's a number of bulletin boards, some are plastered up, and basically saying like a menace to the dim wood,

you know, you see that there that some people see as you approach, you see some townsfolk saying like, you know, I wouldn't I don't expect bears to be this far south or this far west, but I never thought we'd get bears here, that kind of thing. It seems like this very mythical, horrible threat. Dragon at rest, the Viceroy is the bunny. Yes.

Are there any notifications about the executions? Ooh. I would say that on the same bulletin board, you would see that, that there are large general wanted posters for various, you see a mouse, you see a skunk, you see a, actually one that looks a little similar to one in the chain game that you had seen. You see a fox, you see a woodpecker, and a general poster is saying to turn in all traders to the Marquis Zott.

Anyone who would be a threat to the Marquis herself would is a 10 gold award. And nothing about like scheduling executions. I will return to the room. You do that. Oh, thank you. Hey, look, look what I found. What is it?

Well, it's, none of its new information, but look at his drawing. Oh, my. pretty cool. God's, that's horrific. We have scary, berries. Are we in there? We've got two rooms, right? You can hear me through the wall. Are you guys all in the same room?

I'm just in my room. You say we've got to connect it. Yeah, absolutely. Obviously, that's in. I mean, it's the honeycomb, man. It's a nice place. What do we know about this particular type of creature? I would say it's almost

like this mythical, the analog, also in the world of Root is like they're kind of like trolls or ogres of like myth of the monsters who live out in the woods and in in this world it is like they're these barbarians that will gobble up and none of you had ever seen oh my goodness and you know some people say that it's just you know bears are really just like old wives tales right and you know that they're or maybe they did once exist in the dimwood but that's from an age past they're barbarians they're savages you know, they're monsters. I know, I mean, I don't even know how we're going to go about dealing with this thing. I wonder if we can even be reasoned with. They're very strong. I know all about bears.

Nobody knows anything about bears. How would you know about bears? How would you know about bears in my dreams? They can regenerate. All of them, they're parts and bits. If you hack off a finger or an arm, they just go out of them back. If visitors can do that, then yes. Well, not all the parts, but like the tails and stuff.

Well, like that, but it's their whole body. That's why people get sent out to kill them all the time, because they've destroyed the economy. If you just eat a little bit of bear meat, it'll regenerate inside your tummy. You'll never have to eat again. Wait, but what happens if you just cut a bear straight in two, then are the two bears?

That doesn't make any sense. Oh, gosh. It's how you get two bears. Well, then how do we kill this thing? I don't know. Oh, I just know they can regenerate. I didn't dream how to kill them. I don't like this sound of this wrongly.

I don't like where this is going. Maybe the creator can use one of her bombs, and they can just ignite him up. And if he's all a bunch of tiny pieces, where you just crush him like little tiny bears? Each little bit turn into a full bear? No, I think there'd just be lots of tiny ones, like ants. If anybody who goes out to find the bear doesn't come back,

how do we know there really is a bear out there? That's what I'm saying. I mean, clearly this is some sort of artist rendition. We have no way of knowing this is even accurate. Oh, sure. But see, what does a bear look like? Well, they're big and they're fuzzy. How big?

You know, remember that Ram guy that we saw? Yeah. Like 36 times bigger than that guy. Oh, my gosh. That's not. I remember I was in my room. And I was looking up, and I could see this mass. massive creature looking down to me, this giant, huge bear, the size of the trees around me,

bigger, taller than even that. And he looked down to me and he said, what's that thumping underneath your hutch? I mean, remember you're drinking noise. I'm going to keep that in perspective. What if it's all just some scheme and they're sending people out to get the bear that they want to get rid of. Look, all I can tell you is things that I've heard, and that's just that these things are

an absolute terror on the clearings, if it's a real thing. So it doesn't make sense to me that they'd want it gone, but I don't know if we can deal with it. We're going to have to come up with some kind of plan. All I have to say is at least isn't a cockroach. That seems easier to deal with.

Cockroaches were the first thing that was ever created. And when all of life on this planet has been, extinguished, the only thing left will be the cockroach. And in the dim wood, you would know that cockroaches are basically the analogs of dinosaurs. But like bot also currently living dinosaurs. I mean, I suddenly checks out.

I'm not going to question that at all. And if evolution catches up with them, within our lifetimes, the potency of their venom would be enough to annihilate all of animal kind. animal kind. I'm starting to wonder why we choose to live here in the first place. I mean, this is just every, everything around, every turn, under every rock, behind every tree is absurdly dangerous. There's nowhere else to go. Yeah.

If you follow the paths around, they'll just kind of be back. Have you heard about the Gila monster? The healer monster, no. It's a desert dwelling lizard. Does it? Do nice things when you have a boo-boom? Oh, honey. Her name's not honey, that's the term of endearment. I know.

Hazel. No, my dear. Hazel. When it bites into you, it fills your wound full of a potent venom. By the time you realize that you're going to die, you're dead. That's too soon. I know. It's not something even my, my, my, my, uh,

Healing salves can not be. It's true. Bitsi could peel your skin back and just rub salve into every place that's beneath your skin and you would still die. Wait, so Bixie has a healing salve? Is she a healer monster? Well, it's spelled

like Gila, G-I-L-A. But it's pronounced healer. Oh, like Gila. Yeah, it's a common mispronunciation. People be like, oh, the Gila monster. No, it's not a Gila monster. It's a Gila monster. Oh, well I'm not particularly cultured, I guess.

I mean, still, that's. Don't worry, if you get bit by a cockroach and you get poisoned, then I'll just break your neck and you won't even have to think about it. Thank you, Betsy. I'll break your neck too. The way of mercy is by bass. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we make sure that this is like at least glanced C,

like we try other things before we start breaking each other's necks? Oh, yeah. That's like the last litter, so that's fine. Good, good. I'm glad that tracks, Bitsy. I'm really happy for you. All right, listen, this thing's not supposed to come out until nighttime, I guess at least, is our best chance of finding it.

I certainly would like to lay... The bear? Yes, the bear. Oh. I would like to lay low for a while, at least. I don't want to get mixed up in anything before we have to go hunt this thing. So we're going to hunt... If it even is real, what are we going to hunt a bear with?

Leads the hell out of me. I was going to try to talk to it. My pointy stick was pointed than I thought it would be, but I still don't think it would do much to a bear. I have a gigantic halberd and Peggy invented magic. You heard what Bitsy said, that the bear was 36 times the size of that ram. That means it's at least 270 feet tall and about 21,000 pounds. You might as well try to skier him with a toothpick.

In fact, I'm shocked we can't see her from here. I know exactly what we do. I know exactly what we do. Do you know my fireballs? No. Never again. Unless we really need it because we're in a lot of trouble. No, what we do is we go into the forest, okay? We find a fissile bush, you know, or maybe a rose bush,

or maybe, you know, something else with thorns. We're small, right? If a bear is really this big, what is the one thing that can take down a giant? I will tell you, I will tell you right now. It is a fucking splinter. We will each take a thorn. There are five of us. A bear only has four paws.

To our knowledge. Yes. We will each rush for a paw. We will stab a thorn in between the soft spot between its little toes. I hate that. It will fall. It will fall.

That's way better than my idea. Please, entertain us. Regalia, Spitz. I was going to suggest that we build a machine that can fly. Then we get a long rope and we attach it around the legs of the bear and see if we can get him to fall and knock his chin

and bleed out after biting his tongue. Wow. Decad be plan B. It's so very specific. I like that. Have you ever seen a flying machine before? Well, we have to invent it. That's the act of creation.

We've got the creator right here. We're going to find. She's been around since the cockroaches. That's for us. Excuse me, you're right. I apologize for my ignorance. So what do you think about my plan with the, the, that's a plan all right?

Have you ever gotten, have you ever walked around in a tailor shop when they have dropped needles on the floor and accidentally had one wedged between your big toe and your second from your biggest toe? Yes, what? Your ring, is it the ring finger toe? What do you even call you, index toe? I call it.

Point it to you point it. You can't point with that. Anyway, if you ever had that happen, it is debilitating. I'm telling you, this bear will not be able to function. One splinter would be enough, but we're going in on all four parts. Well, I don't want to say I'm a genius, but.

You said that maybe we should just talk to it first, right? You can't talk to a bear? How do you know? We try. Okay. I mean, we know what's happened to everybody else that's tried to hunt and kill it.

Most of them didn't come back. But that's why they're not us? Well, maybe, but I'm saying it might not hurt to try another angle of attack, so to speak. Look, it's just an idea. I certainly, you know, default to you, Peggy, with the plans. I mean, you're like the brains around here. I feel like taking down a bear is significantly less work than traveling through the forest with Bitsy. I'm not sure I follow, but I like your plan.

I think it's a good plan. I just, I do stay. I do still feel little. Bitsy is a walking landmine. What? Right? Yeah. Case closed.

Can't argue that. And then Plan C can just be, we just hit it with our weapons until it dies. Oh, I really don't want to do that. I thought Plan C was we was going to break Kaisle's neck. No, that was Plan B. No, Plan B was to build the airship. And that's only in case of, I forgot if something poisoned.

Oh, if I get hit. We're not breaking anyone's neck. That's way, well, we pass plan C. I mean, we need, like, plan Z. Let's make breaking my neck plan Z. That's what I'm saying. Oh, I thought breaking anybody's next. Does that mean that break in Booker's neck is now plan A,

because the alphabet wraps around? No, no, no, no, no, no. Mine should be somewhere like, maybe, like, not in the alphabet at all. I don't think that's a plan. How about, like, A, A? A, no, no, no, no, no, no, just. One A. Just think of the owl.

Can you imagine during this snap, an owl's neck, and it just keeps going and never actually? I do every night, Bidsey. I do every night. Oh, yeah. Oh, we should probably get some sleep and we'll wake up at, you know, when his sun goes down. Like dust, does a good time.

Yeah, we're basically not turn at this point, because we're vagabond, you see. Yeah. We do our best work at night. Yes. That's what I'm like, thank you for that. No, it's Pugsley. Oh, sorry.

You're a raccoonsling. No, I'm Hank, actually. Thanks to Betsy, I'm Hank. You know, I'm for raccoonsley, but Hank is fine. Well, maybe the next clattering, big guy. Maybe the max clattering. Good night. Good night.

And I'm just gonna fall back on the bed. I'm gonna sleep. My eyes are gonna fully close. They're gonna stay like half open. You're gonna start to score really loudly. I don't understand why we got all these rooms if we're just gonna all sleep in here. You're not. You're going to your own room. Good night.

Peggy has the key. I'm not like rolling you out of the door. See, I'm gonna roll you like a quarter turn and see if you wake up. No, I'll wake up. Okay. Fine, fine, fine. I'll go back to our room. You all go back to your rooms.

You hear the sound of the lunch crowd coming in. And you hear the, as some new folks, hear some new voices that you don't recognize. You hear. Oh, whoa, with me. My story. Oh, I'm a failure. I've lost it all. Oh, to be at the left hand of the Viceroy.

Oh, but a dream. A nightmare. And you go to that. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventress and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night. and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas,

Shroud over Salt Marsh. You can also go to The Crooked Moon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement, The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You all enjoy long rest.

Oh. So we lose our temporary hit points from the, from the incredible speech that I gave and you will not be getting in love. So, I mean, what time would it be? Evening, perhaps. Dusk. Is it spring or summer? It's probably dusk.

You wake at dusk. And as you wake the last orangey bits of the rays of sun are coming over the trees of the wooded. and past all of the many birdhouses built in around you. And you be able to gather together as you hear people coming back from their day of work or visiting whatever they've been doing

to stay at this end. And you hear the dinner rush starting to start. All the while you're, oh, oh. And with that, you're all in the same room. room. Oh, I haven't slept back in a while. That was nice. With a little bit of luck now, based on what though I'd said,

and there haven't been any hunting parties for a while, so if we go after this thing, hopefully we don't run into anybody else, because that might be a nightmare. Why? What do you mean why? Why wouldn't we want to run into others? We don't want to run into the Marquis Ats soldiers trying to hunt this thing. While we're trying to do the same thing, that could be a bloodbath for everybody.

Well, then if we do, do a good job, and we then have to split our money. That's exactly right. I still don't really want to kill it though. Neither do I. Unless it tries to kill us, and that's all presuming it's real. I mean, it's a horrible monster

that's killed probably dozens of poor people. Allegedly. I think everybody thinks that something unknown and scary is a monster, but maybe it's just not really. Maybe it's just unmisunderstood. Last night, learned what it meant to be a monster.

See? What? You don't remember? No. Oh, last... Oh! Oh, not just this nap time. Oh, I'll see.

Okay. We napped during the day. That's true. I really wasn't accounting for that. My circadian rhythm is a little in flux. You know what I think would really get us off on a good foot here? breakfast well I was going to say dinner but I like all your heads at

breakfast for dinner no like the restaurant or dinner for breakfast in this case yeah that sounds good too because it's in a time but it's breakfast for us we're breaking our fast truly as we just woke up

philosophical nightmare and I hate fasting so let's get a scooch let's eat a meal because Hazel won't let us not I can take it to go. Don't mind a little walking treat. At Quackdonalds, we used to be able to do meals to go.

There was this one day I was working. And in the fly-through, it's where you could quickly order something and then just pick it up at a window and then fly off into the distance. It was for our avian customers mostly. It was very convenient. The way we try convenience was the name of the game. I was working and it was a really slow day in this, this pelican flew into the fly-through and they hadn't ordered anything.

They just chucked a resistance manual at me right in the face. Oh shit, I yelled as I got clocked by it. And then I looked out, did you want to order anything? You heathen for working on the holy day. And then they flew off into the forest. And I didn't have a choice. I was on the schedule that day. I had to show up.

I didn't have to, I didn't even know it was a holy day. That's terrible. It was awful. But at least it wasn't a day with Fla Arnold. That's true. See, there's always a bright side. Well, let's go eat there. I don't know if there's a quack Donald here.

I've never passed one in my channels, but I'm going to certainly look for one. They're better than quack in the box, but crack in the box has amazing tacos. Yeah, I heard that got a lot of people sick. What's a taco? I don't really know. I just know that it probably shouldn't exist the way it does, but it tastes nice in my mouth. All right. That, too-sha. Fair enough.

It's good enough for me. And it's really cheap. You can get two of them for a dollar. It's basically 50 cents a taco. So. I think I want to kill something. You know what? I'm starting to come around to go sign a thing.

We box up a little bit of this food, and we go to the end of the clearing and see where we can find. There you should go. I'm just, I've got like a, I don't say a plastic bag, but let's say a leather bag of some sort that is shaped like a plastic bag with the handles and I'm just shoveling food in down the buffet line

as we walk out the door. Oh no, dinner's not a buffet. Oh, damn it, Mike. No, yes, and everything, whatever you just said. I'm kidding. Like a god, or just you're right? I just expected it.

God, you're such a dumb chip monk. Hey, Aisel, can you make me a doggy bag? That was pretty good. Get it, give it. I appreciate it. I appreciate that. I'm pretty good. Yeah.

It's pretty good. Yeah. Not from my stuff, but yeah, next time. But not today. Oh, I could do that. And I'll just pick up a random plate on the table. Yeah, there's absolutely... Scrape it into like a little sad.

and fold it up and give you like a hanky, like a sloppy handkey floor. It's mostly stews and bread. It's just dripping. It's a handkerchief of stew with a piece of bread sitting on top. It's not going to get. That's disgusting. You might want to, it's seeping a little, but, you know, really, you could just kind of like suckle at the bottom of it, and I think you'd get most.

Like a handkerchief teat. It looks slick, don't drop it. Just like my used to make. It will remind me of what Penny did the other day. I should really send her a letter. Oh, never mind. Oh, anyway, let's go. Where too?

We're going to do. And you see him finally, as Nestor finally passes out. And Bo just like looks at him and he's very busy going back and forth getting people their food. Can I find Bo real quick? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, um, which direction? Where do the old bear growls coming from?

Like what sort of the clearly? You know, that's the western part of town, friend. You don't want to go? Wait, I thought you said that was for a friend you was asking for. Yeah, for our friend. His favorite show on television is Bear Growls. Bear Grows? Bear growls? Yeah. What?

Yeah. I heard the bear growls. Did you get his autograph? No, I heard it a night. It's terrible. Anyways. Are you sure you awake? I'm pretty sure Bear growls has drank his own piss before to survive.

It wasn't medically necessary, but it was sterile. He loves it. It's sterile and he likes the taste. Thank you. So you heard the story. Necessary. Well, I guess when you're desperate, it's better to die, you know?

You folks are asking a lot of questions about rebels and bears. It was for a friend. He just wanted to check it out. Make a deception, Jack. Oh, fuck. No. Uh, 17. I know the fucking natural one.

He says, uh, don't, the name of the game here in Cluck, clock crossing especially with the vice roy acting how she is just to keep your name it she she's trying to get with the big wigs of new felicia she's trying to sit in the court of the marquis eight she's she's she's she's sitting pretty here and uh click clock crossing but she's got big aims friends i'm from new felicia really i'm from felicia well i said they call old felicia now

But before it was just Felicia. But now that it is a new one, you sort of called the old one, the old Felicia, you know? I presume based on your breed, a dog, that you was from there, yeah? So anyway, I mean, maybe she, you know, maybe I could help her out, you know, put in a good word. If you know, any way to, you know, get in touch with her.

Do you have connections there? Any of Felicia? Yeah, sure, absolutely. You saw a tavern I was wearing when I walked in here yesterday, you remember that? I was wondering why a soldier was just hanging out with a bunch of folk standing in. I created magic. Standing citizens. They say only the deer got magic.

I'm a frog. That's why I don't believe you. Well, I created Matt. That's just really rude. No, the common folk, I'm going to understand magic, Betty. You're talking to the creator. We should really dare you. You know what's the dinner rush?

And I need to go clean up. Ness's, oh, no. Yes, I got it. I got to. I know we seem like an odd bunch. We're going to get out of your hair. I promise you won't even hear from us until morning. We'll be fine.

You'll be fine. I'm a frog. I suppose if you do, if you are looking to go out into them woods, tussle with a bear, if you could bring back and tide, you'll be, The Viceroy's best friend.

Well, there you go. She hopes that it'll, to do such a thing will give her, put her in good graces with the Marquise, that a coat made out of a bear hide. Nothing rare than that. It's going to be a big fucking coat. Oh, man. That's a lot to carry.

Don't you, don't make it. You talk to the Viceroy, do not make that. Do not make that observation, man. Okay. What if we just brought back like a little piece of a, maybe a toast? We'll discuss on the way, thanks for the information. Let's go. Come on.

Here we go. We're going west. We're going, look. Do you think, do you think, do you, we're going west? Do my whole leader thing? I mean, go west. Yeah, why is it that you're not keeping up? Why are you not taking the brains over this thing?

You're supposed to be the leader here, Book. Are you supposed to control it all? You're just letting the spiral out of control. You're right. It's been ever since you joined this party that I feel like I've lost control of everything. Why? Just because I know which way West is?

Well, you were about to show us, so go ahead. Well, now it's that way. What do you mean, it just changed? Well, North is whichever way you're facing, so... North is whichever way. So West. Oh, dear Lord. Oh, right.

Oh, sorry. West. Now which way's west? Okay, no, just keep going west. It's going to be tough. I'd make a wide circle. I'd stay here.

I was busy with doing this for like eight hours. Take care of the day. Come back. You don't even notice. As much as I would love to see that happen for eight hours straight, I think we might need her help. I swear. Anyway, we're going to go the different west. North is whatever when you're facing.

Like actual west. I don't know if you've heard of it. Can we catch it? You haven't heard of actual west? No. Well, actual west never changes, no matter which way you're facing. Well, how do you know which way it is? Well, you have to know which way north is.

And then you can figure it out that way. Not regular north, true north. Actual north. Yeah. It sounds like a little. Illuminati talk. What talk it is? It's very illuminating.

Them. Wait, wait, you mean the... I told you about them, really. Yeah, the ones that poison the water. They're called the Illuminati. They're called the Alome and they're naughty. Well, that kind of sounds intriguing. I'm not gonna lie. We'll talk on the way. Come on, let's go.

Oh wait, which way? You lead the way. I don't know True West. Can we see which way the sun has started to set? Yeah, the sun has set, but you know which way is the west. Yeah, you would know which way the western part of the town is. So we will start heading west to the edge of the clearing. You do that. T'a-ta-ta-ta-ta-ha-ho!

That's the bear. You need a bear meble. Where's the clearing? This is the clearing, right? Going out in the woods now. Well, that's not very clear at all. We're all the best in the edge. You make your way through the town,

and you make your way through the town, and you smell the baked goods and the cooking that is absolutely wafting in the air, and you see just these large wagons of bread products. of bread product. This is the bread basket, or one of the primary bread baskets of the dim wood. And you see as Marquisot soldiers are going to suit kitchens

and taking the food toward to other parts of the dim wood to help feed the poor and the hungry. But you also see the absolute delectable smells, some of the best, most delicious smells you've ever experienced is from an establishment called Old Navs Bakery that is actually built up into a tree. And you then make your way out of the market district and then make your way into the military district. And you see as Marquis-Zi-Zi,

soldiers are giving grumly a strange look and then going about their business and you make your way through the barracks and the other the other respective buildings go past military workshops and then you see off to the right of the street this and all of you see this now a massive circular prison that's like plated in iron heavily fortified, built of stone. As you see that there's several rows of guards there, and as you as you make your way out, you see another chain gang of only three be brought in, and this is two rabbits and one mouse as they're led in that direction. And no sign of this this huge ram.

And eventually you arrive at the outskirts, and it's just kind of idyllic hills amongst small little towns outside or dwellings and small communities outside of the main town. You hear the buzzing of bees, as you see of, you know, smaller and much larger. As you see the apiary is all throughout the hills and the farmland throughout. And it's late by the time you make it to the... to the edge of the forest. You see the massive trees of the woodland, not the smaller, more hospitable trees in this clearing,

as the darkness awaits. And as you enter this darkness, you tap into your vagabond experience, and I need a group survival check. Oh, boy. Ooh. Natural 20. Nice.

Grats. 25. Natural 20. This is not 12. This is not 12. 12. I got a 12. This is not my strong suit. We got two nanny twins, so 25 for each of us. Let's see if we can make that three?

We can't. No. Oh, real close. 15 for me. 16. I rolled the lowest for the 12. Hopefully the ladies will carry me. Yeah. Okay, so then I want you to describe what you're doing and what you're seeking.

Anyone who has something to. I was going to suggest that since we don't really know what we're looking for, whether this thing even really exists. What we all need to be keeping our eyes out for, especially the most survivalistic of us, are just disturbances in the forest. Something that looks like it could create something

we've never seen before, whether it be a giant track or broken trees or something. I mean, this thing must be massive. So I'd say just keep an eye out for disturbances. I guess I could try to do that. What would a bear trap look like? Well, I don't know. By Bitsy's calculation, like I said,

the thing is 21,000 pounds. So I mean, it should be making craters. Oh, gosh. How will even? know if I'm standing in a hole or a trap? Nah, you won't be able to miss it. You'll fall right in. Follow up question. Does a bear shit in the woods? Probably.

Okay, so I'll look for that. I imagine that'll be pretty big as well. Oh, we know what we should look for off-sniff to see if I can smell any damp, disgusting, bloody, matted bear food. Or just anything you've never smelled before. Why would it be that? Just because he's a gross bear. We see this picture. Look at how gross this guy.

Look at the other things on there. I don't know that we can take that for truth. For all we know, it beads in blood. Oh, gosh, it's terrible. Potentially our blood. Oh, and we should also see if any of the former hunters that came in, like, they pale with on trees, like 30 feet in the air, you know, not on bridge.

Well, I mean, maybe even 270. You already do that. 30 would be very low for this thing. Oh, we sure we wanted to do this? It's more likely they put it, he put it like, you know, a chest level. so we're thinking maybe like 250 feet in the air. Oh my gosh. Wow, all the tree's even that big?

I have no idea. Anyway, if I was a bear, I mean, that'd be a pretty cool way to kill people, so I'm gonna keep an eye for that. I don't disagree. I created a spell called zipper. I'm thinking I might call it flesh zipper. Oh, sweet Lord. And basically what it would entail, I'm not finished with it yet,

is you know when you get a hang nail? I would pull on your hangnail and it would zip your flesh. shock of your body. You know. Is it out of way around? Yep. Peggy, I respect your intellect, but you've changed a lot since you've invented magic.

I worry about you. Magic does things to a person. It does things to other people too. It's an untapped knowledge that most minds can't handle. Luckily for me, my mind is enormous and I'm handling it quite well.

Does that hurt? My eye goes off to the side. my tongue rights it. Would that hurt? Very much, yeah. And then your entire musculature would fall out of you. Because there would be no skin to hold it together. So I shouldn't do that to myself?

You don't have the magic. If you did it, you would just have a bloody piece right here and you'd maybe rip off some of the skin up towards your knuckle. How do I get the magic? You don't. Okay. How else is everyone helping? I would be looking for large holes or divvets in the ground and also just looking for like food sources

of berry trish bushes and you know beehives and things like that as we go along. You see that you recall in the back in the clearing that the really good like apiaries and the hives that had the very the largest and the most pristine bee. were very heavily guarded. But I would say that with that survival role, you're able to find some natural hives of smaller bees that, I'll say with that survival role, you're able to pull down from the tree

and get some honey without getting horribly stung. Oh, wow. Very lucky, a very lucky find and a very rare find. Normally, if you're out in the middle of the woodland and you find a hive, that is near a certain deck. and it's probably 50 times larger, and the bees are much larger as well. I found some honey.

It doesn't look like a bear. It's honey, turns out. Are you sure it's not called? And you also find a number of berries. You find these plump red berries. And I will say that as you find this, you find a bit of, You find a bit of red that isn't a berry.

You're recently gathering a bunch of berries. It's blood. It's not very at all. You see that there is a little bit of, it's not bright red, but it's a dull red. And it seems to be covering this berry bush, which you thought that all these specks of darker, like very, of unripen berries

were actually drips of of heart and blood and Peggy with your role as well is at this point that you look up everyone's looking forward and listening to growls and you something catches your eyes

they're going up in all sorts of directions and you see people in the trees. I don't want to alarm anyone. I see people in the trees. What? What do you mean? Are they just like standing up there? You see silhouettes of humanoid figures and you're not sure. It's a quick glance.

There are shadow people in the trees. I'm going to very carefully look around. Can I clarify, did you intend to say humanoid? I mean. I mean, your human body is a small animal using critter, critter shapes. Okay, just checking. Yeah. There are shadow people in the trees.

I'm gonna like very slowly try to like look up and around to see if I can see what she's talking about. Make your perception check. It's a disadvantage because actually no, you're a raccoon. I'm cute in the way that I was describing, bro. Like I totally made that up. I'm just, go. Uh, 20, total. 20.

You look up very slowly. very slowly. And you stare up and you see a shock of orange. It's intriguing. And you see fur. As you see a cat in the tree. And what Grumley had told you is exactly what you say. As you look up, as you see a Marquis-Zot soldier,

and then beside that one, you see what looks to be some sort of hunter or ranger. This was a weasel. And they've all been, and then there's another rabbit, three of them. And they are hanging in the trees lifeless, impaled on sharpened branches. Oh, sweet. And it's high up into the tree. Grumly, I think you might be some sort of a profit because you guessed correctly.

Was this over where the bushes? Yeah. So I'm like, I think that's drawn. juice. Is that a blood little berry pie? I'll drop the berry. You know what this means?

That we are in way over our heads? No, it means I think like a bear. They're way over our heads. Oh gosh. You think a bear would do that? Why? What is that? Why would it even do that?

Because it kills for sport. It has fun doing it. You need to be careful. It just seems like a lot of work too. Now, if I was a bear, what would I do next? After impaining a hunter and their monkeys are, you were ruining a whole bush of berries. He would walk carefully through the forest, staring down, watching where you put your

paws lest you get a thorn between your toes. Oh, that's right. Where are we going to get the thorns? We should be looking out for those. Really big sticks, they're pointy? Well, yeah, I mean, if it's 270 feet tall, we're going to need a damn tree. We can get those points Those folks are stuck out right there

Look real sharp That's pretty high up And I quite frankly don't want to get any closer to them Lest we might join them soon We gotta be quiet I can be real quiet Good call Should we look for tracks around

I mean we see at some point I can't imagine that it wouldn't leave Some sort of trace or something Of having been here I want to like sniff around and see if I can get any scent Or like any clumps of bear fur or see any tracks. You make an investigation check,

and I would like everyone to make a... Everyone to make a religion, history or archa check. Whichever one you prefer. History is plus three. Eight for investigation. Arcana's a plus three. 18 for my history.

Oh, they're all the same. Is survival better? Looking for the tracks. Eight. Nope, plus three is the best I got. 13. Oh, I got a one. Such a total of a four. Survival would be 10.

13. I got a one, so I could a zero. Yep, I'm with you. I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you. I would say with that, who got the highest was like a 13? I got an 18.

I got an 18 on religion. That's right. Yeah. I got an eight. Got it. I would say with that, you actually remember now why you had even mentioned that

is that you had heard a story around a campfire once. And those that would speak of the deer of the forest. the ones who had dark powers that could warp the minds of woodland critters, could do horrible, dark, evil things, commit horrible acts that are not sure if they were living or dead or otherwise. Really just speaking of spirits or, almost speaking of them as spirits or ghosts or practitioners of actual magic. the horrible dark kind. And you had heard a tale of these mysterious deer in the forest performing

horrible brutal acts, or at least those that had been gone looking for deer, appearing in the trees. Wait, no, I remember why I thought to mention this. This is what happened if you went to go look for deer in the forest. You know, dear the ancient, like, magical evil, evil. groups that, you know, were here before the birds were even here. Wait, I... That's a relief. Are you suggesting that this has nothing to do with a bear, and in fact that these have to deal with deer?

Their names are so similar. They probably just spelled it wrong on the flyers. I wasn't suggesting that, but that's probably exactly what this might mean. Oh, no, no, we are definitely in over our heads. This is not good. Well, am I just be a coincidence? that like, you know, maybe the bear is a fan trying to kind of replicate what the dears used to do.

A copy bear, yeah. A copy bearer. All right. So what do we do? Are we any close? Has anybody found anything? Oh, I would say with that, you also roll survival, is that you actually manage to find two impressions.

in the mud of massive, massive paws with clawed toes that seem to go in a particular direction out towards the southwest. How big are they? They're absolutely fucking huge. Did they look like bare paws? So they look like bare paws. If you had to guess basically based on foot size

and like height, I'll say, you know, I'm gonna make you roll for it, but like it would probably be like nine to ten feet tall. I feel better that it's not 270. But this is still our last chance to turn around now. What if it's just a baby? I mean, he's a really big footprint. I doubt it's a baby.

I mean, any pale people are twice. We don't know. We don't have anything to compare it to. Maybe Mama Bear did that, and this is just a little bear. I think it is a baby. If you were full grown, it would be, it'll be... Oh, gosh. 20 times that size. Oh, that's scary math.

The way that I see it, he said, if a baby's capable of doing that, I won't feel too bad about killing him. That is incredibly dark. Taking a note from Penny and still trying to be as quiet as I can, we'll look around and see if I can start to find anything that I think would be a thorn in the foot of a bear the size that I imagine a bear would be.

Make us a rebel try. Oh. I'm gonna go, wait, it's a 12 foot. Nine. You find some sticks, some long, some a little pointy, but something that could effectively pierce a fabled ogre-like creature, it's difficult. Who's here?

Do you think he's big is? Well, they're kind of blunt, but what we could do is we could have Booker use his dagger, whatever you've got, slice in between the the toes and then just shove a bunch of sticks in that wound. That sounds like I'd have to get very close to do that. Why does your mind work that way?

Because I created magic and now my mind has been opened to the realities of the world. You call this one. To ancient truth, long lost to animal kind. I will take one of the sticks and start like sharpening it, fashing it into a small spear, which would be a splinter for a giant foot. And I'm going to chew on the end of one and see if I can always. also get some sort of conical situations, or corn on the cops down.

Okay. It's like your beaver. I would say make a dexterity check and add your proficiency. Hot dog. Make a dexterity check? And then that's good. With proficiency.

I got 17. Okay, yeah, you're able, you basically have a primitive spear. With 30 20. Oh yeah, so you both were able to take these four. A drummer. I don't know if I should be the one wielding this. I, you know, I kind of need both hands.

I don't want to, you know. But like you have like a real weapon. I was gonna say, why are you handing it to me? No, I just, I'll take it. All right, thank you, thank me. All right. Do you want to? I've got my stick here.

I think it's all right. Do you want to lose it in the paw of the bear? It's kind of a plenty bit. Yeah. I don't. I'm gonna stick this sucker so deep into that biz. Flesh, he would need actual tweezers to get it out. Biss, don't have opposable thumbs.

What? Oh, gosh. How far off do you reckon we might be? I mean, it's hard to say. I mean, we could just follow the tracks. They're at least old enough, where we can still fresh enough that we can still see them. So let's just keep going, but let's be as quiet as we can.

All right, it sounds like we're all in agreement. We're pressing forward. And keep your eyes up. we walk into the bear and it's had dinner recently, that would be a not, that would, that would, that situation would be, uh, not fun. All right. Okay. Wouldn't that be better than if it hasn't had dinner recently?

I don't want to be shit on. Oh, I don't want to be eaten. I'd rather be eaten than shit on. Really? Yeah, I think so. I feel dead opposite to that. I do think so. You'd rather die than have poop on you?

If the bear really is like, 22,000 pounds worth of beer, yeah. I think the beer's actually there. I think I would die if it shit on me. I don't think Vindisi's dreams are necessarily reliable. I mean, at least what I would call reliable. Let's go find this bear.

We steal. I'm going to get on all fours and start sniffing along the as we go along the game. Why am I rolling like such? Brumley's tail goes completely stiff as he very deliberately snub. on the ground. I am like the night.

Thank God for my plus. 29. One second. One second. Four, 12. Six. I think I got a 13. I'm trying to double check

and make sure I don't fuck this up. I think I got a 13. 13. Do we have any twists? I don't think so. We have one. I think there's one twist. I'm not going to say.

I'm not going to. But we definitely need them for fucking combat. So, we're definitely fighting a duress. Gromling is the park night. You make your way through the woods

and you hear the sound of a massive shape off in the distance. You look expecting to see a bear but you see a glint of green as it's actually just a beetle as a huge beetle

as it lumbers off in another direction. And you find a very You follow this said trail, Rumley. And the tracks are, they're getting more fresh, but you get the sense that although that you can find them, they are so deep because they are absolutely so massive. So you're not sure quite how fresh they are.

But you see that they go, the path that you go is the forest and the thickets getting tighter and tighter. And the quiet, the forest is getting eerily quiet. And the terrain is getting more and more treacherous. And every 15 minutes that you continue, you look up, and you see there's five more bodies in the trees. You see all of them seem to be geared for hunting. They're all armed.

Most of them wearing Marquis-Zotte. colors and tabards. And then eventually you find a large block of stone. And as you find it, you look up and you see two large antlers directly ahead of you. Fuck. And you jump back for a second. And you realize that they're unmoving. And you peer around this large tree and you see what looks like an ancient withered statue.

of what you imagine to be a deer. It's the depiction that you've heard that is cracked down the center. As you see bits of stone bricks and other structures rising up in this forest, as you seem to stumble across an ancient world. The deer ruin? For all the years that I've spent wandering around these woods,

I've never seen anything like this. I neither. So maybe it is just a bear that's a big fan of deer you know maybe he read too much about how the deer like kill people so that's what he's doing some kind of worship oh yeah like a like a bear copycat i mean a deer copy bear a copy bearer we covered this oh craikie what's a crackie i don't know i'm all i'm all mess it's just there's a lot of bodies in the I have a feeling woefully under equipped for this.

I know, we're just walking under them like they're not even there and I just makes me a little sad and ill. I had a question, but I'm withdrawing it because Biffie wouldn't think of it. Withdrawn. The woman must think of it. How fresh do the bodies look? Well, the ones we saw had dried. They were the most fresh. Okay, and the blunted are the last one I think.

The last one I think had been like two weeks ago. And then you see a varying state of decay. You can use that. The closer that you get. And there does get to be a point where once the forest gets so dense and so treacherous, it seems to stop. And you don't see any of it in the trees around these ruins. But then the forest is so dense and you actually see that there's off into the distance.

You see the bricks, but then you actually see a wall rising up, overgrown in moss and vegetation. We should be careful and keep an eye out for movement. I don't think the deer existed anymore. This is very old, I mean, I think. Look, Peggy, can you tell if the deer's magic? Well, I created magic, so I know I'm magic. I know, but what if when you... I don't know, I just heard the deer's magic.

Well, I heard because you just said it, the deers were magic. And I mean, I feel like if they were, maybe, I don't know, maybe when you created it, that's what made them magic. Probably, yeah. What can you tell? Well, could you have, maybe King George could go, like, look around first before we go in there. I can ask him if he wants to, but it's his rest day. Oh, like, it's his day?

Yeah. Oh, thank you. the day of. Yeah, it's King George's day. I'll give you a second to ask him. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. And he flies out. You're looking.

Yeah, he's going to do it. That's awfully generous on his day off. Thanks, George. King George. And you can understand him what he says. Yeah. We talk with our minds. Oh, that's kind of romantic in a way. I'm not having sexual relations with that fly.

I would hope not. You gotta save it all up for Bo. Who? The innkeeper guy. Who? Bo. The guy that said you were a pretty penny. That drunk duck?

No. That's Nestor. Sure. Oh. Anyway, Bo, will you go off and check in... What am I asking Bo to do again? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

What I'm asking George to do? Let's just see if you can see it like a bear. I don't want to walk into these ruins and there's a horrible cult of evil deer in there when we walk in and we get horribly sacrificed, flayed alive and stuck up on trees. Yeah, go do that, George. I make your reception chat for George, you can just add your perception, a lot of fire.

Do you think that's why they say, oh dear? Because it's so scary. 17. Oh, 17. You see George take off into the woods. And he's gone. for five minutes and he's the king of the flies you hear then after you wait see this has been a little too long and then suddenly you're probably dead oh

there he is and he reports v lining and he makes his as you're v lining as you're able to understand that George saw a model Oh, dark shaggy brown fur. This is a big pile of rotting something, of almost a rotting sludge of some kind, in a pile curled up and seemingly sleeping. A bear covered in in, in, in, in, in leather, like some sort of barbarian,

you know, not not properly civil, dress civilized, and you see that, And you hear that there is a large, a massive, almost a circular axe, a mere several feet from this massive of sleeping creature that's curled up. And he tells you that the snoring and the sleeping is booming out in this ruin that forms some sort of like protection, this ancient structure that perhaps was once a temple of some kind. Yeah, so that's basically what's going on there with that. That small? He must be a dwarf bear. I got a little confused. Was the sludge part of the bear? I think he was sleeping on a pile of sludge.

Probably animal remains. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, his own faces. Oh, that's disgusting. That's also true, probably most likely. George is really cool to come back. He must be king. Yeah, he says he wants to kill your family. Why? Oh my gosh. Unless they submit to his demands. Oh, well. Down with the revolution and all that.

And your friends. He's going to kill all you guys. Your friends and family, yeah. Oh, no. Why? That's just what he said. The bear said that. No, George said that.

If you try and start a revolution. Oh, well, he wasn't going to do that. Okay. Well, that's fine. And I opened my mouth and let George fly in. Flies up. Then you're fine. I was thinking about that.

He knew what he could sense it on you. It's the magic. Oh my gosh. She's good. Hey, we gotta be very quiet. If it's asleep, we can just like, just, you know, chop a 10 right off. Oh my gosh, wait.

I thought we were gonna talk to it. Or we can wake him up and talk to him, and then drop his head off. I'm thinking at this point maybe we don't wake him up and talk to him and I think we just kill him. Having the element of surprise is gonna be one of the few things we have in our favor, and as much as I'd like to avoid for, violence, this is not a situation that might be able to be reasoned out of. I mean, it's not like you should get out. What?

If he's ur-l. If you can have all the parties, we don't know that the bad to die. I mean, it's pretty likely. Who else would have done? He's the right height? Maybe the right strength. maybe well wait how higher are the bodies very high higher than the 9 to 10 feet

oh yeah they were like probably 15 feet plus like really high up in 20 feet I don't know they're never good depth perception I don't know I mean just I don't have great depth perception I can't really tell I just don't see how a bed but you're doing that well shit well maybe maybe we can wake him up

and Booker Kinloaf you know to his feet. Booker's really good at talking to people. I just think he would be better than, you know. Well, how about this? How about we all get like behind him, and we all get, like, maybe we can be like a stone or something you can perch on, and we can be hidden, and Booker can waking up gently and try to like come to him. Like the front side.

And then things go poorly, we all just jump down and chop his head off. Well, that sounds, I mean, how do you, that, I know that kind of seems like you'd be baked, but you wouldn't be up from. Well, yes, I believe you that I'm not bait in this situation. Yes, all right. Well, I mean, if it's better than just resorting to violence, I suppose that I could initiate some sort of contact between us. And then, I mean, the second anything goes wrong, we'll be right there, you just run away like you do.

Well, you could give a code word. Oh, no, the code will probably be screaming as my bowels are tossed about the cat. cavern and my blood is showering down on all of you. Oh gosh. Way too long a code word. Well, it'll be a lot longer when it's actually happening. Oh, jeez.

I was thinking like, I don't know. Just pick another word. Maybe, you know, even if you get scared. What about honey? If I... Because bears like honey. You know what? It might distract him and make him for funny instead of you,

as a raccoon. I don't think that's gonna work, Romily. But, you know, I appreciate the suggestion. It could be the word shit, because I feel like you're going to scream that anyway. I don't think it's going to be the need for a code word. I think we're going to, you're going to just know. Oh, no, we'll be right behind you. Yeah, there are pieces of me.

Well, just tell him that he doesn't have to die. He just has to give us a skin. I'll, uh, I'll keep that in mind. You're supposed to die. I just give with your skin. I just won't your skin. Bearer, a rat goon in the middle of the night, walks up to a bear. Can I have a skin? You don't have to die.

I promise, I haven't moved a bad. Okay, so let's get close, and then we'll just be very quiet. We'll post up right behind it, and you go in front. Oh, gosh. Let's go. It's all right. Honey Mervis. You're going to steal.

You will keep your stealth roles as you continue onward. And I'll say with that, you're able to pinpoint the, you see a few ruined structures throughout this part of the woodland, and you see the larger structure that's almost entirely encased in almost a ring of trees. But you see this stone covered in this ancient moss and lichen, and you see that there's a large, crumbled entrance. As you get close, then you finally hear it. A very deep grumbling snoring of a massive creature

through the darkness of this place. All right, I decided that the code will begin help. All right. I figure that's pretty straightforward. We'll come and help. Only if I see the code work, all right? Only. All right.

So if you say shit, oh fuck, dear gods, I'm fucking dying. None of those things are the code word. We won't come no matter what you say. Unless it's help. That is right. Thank you. And if this is the last time that I ever see all of you

in one piece, then just know that you're my friends. Oh, fucking. And I'll never forget you until I'll never forget you until I'm dead. It's been so nice to know you, Hank. Yes, you too, Bitsy. All right. Before you go.

Oh, yeah, all right. You can do it. Believe in yourself. Uh-huh. And, you know, you're pretty charming, you know, and, you know. I'm gonna look out for you, buddy. Thank you. That sounds like something I might say.

You feel like you have, I feel like we're a little bit. I feel like we're a little more bonded now, right? You're getting better at this. In sort of like a warding kind of way. I cast warding bomb. I love that. What does that do? It gives you plus one AC. Oh, nice.

Plus one to the saving throws. What? And you have resistance to all damage. Oh, let's go. Plus one AC. I will also take whatever damage you take. So basically, I take half of your damage. Okay.

Oh, I see. The Shim-Sham. Well, it's resistant, but I'll take whatever. I also take it, so it's full damage, and we're both. You're just splitting it out. Hypothetically, he gets 20 damage. Do you take half of 10, or do you take half of 20? No, he would take 10, and then I take 10.

Yeah. So the full damage is just split between two. Oh. I'm gonna walk up to Booker and reach into my pack and pull out some really disgusting looking mushrooms. Oh. I think it would be a good idea if you ate one of these. They're magic.

Okay, should I eat it before or after I think I'm going to die. You should basically just eat it right now. Can I have one? No. I smell the mushroom. Did I smell? It smells like ammonia and dirt.

I got to be honest, Peggy that smells like piss. I know. So you should eat it right now. What if I just save it? You don't want to do. do that, I promise you. It only gets worse. Sometimes the best medicines taste really bad. Actually, it's a suppository, so you're going to need to bend over. Stop asking. All right, well, you know what? I choose death.

Are you going to go in white and food? You're going to need to take it. Or you're going to start with... It's really important. I'll eat the mushroom. What is the 20 cast? Paste. as he used to tart to consume the mushroom. I'm on a mada. Exactly right. And now we're referencing the episode 300 from Futurama.

Yes. The space around you just looks different. This mushroom hits different. It's like that. You feel very, very bad. I actually look down and I see my, I see myself. I'm standing above everybody.

Everybody's a ring-talking. to Booker and I'm like floating above my body like oh my god why all I'm talking a slut I understand why I can't keep up with you I don't know it's just like it really just I don't even know this happening I can't talk to the bear now and I walk off what is you doing him this is gonna go really well I made what I call haste shrooms yeah that's a powerful spell I know it's magic I created it let's make sure Should we stay within 30 feet of him, all right? I'm just gonna keep hopping on.

Yeah, and I'll say you're able to do that, and this will last for the extent of the role play because it's rude and it's fun. Awesome, thanks, Mike. I need to make a stealth check. If you're trying to go stealth away. Yep. Yeah, I'll keep up on him.

You're trying to get in front of him, and I think the rest of us were trying to kind of come around his back. That gives me another plus 2 AC. Okay, everybody. I don't know what else is. Is that check out? Double your speed. The rest of us are kind of going around the map.

So that Booker's like he you're talking to, and we can be back here. I would say that you're able to find where double-ed-back. Let's do AC, advantage on deck saves, and then additional action on each turn. Okay. I'll say, just for the sake of this, that actually you see that there is a pillar with the carved with the faces of the profile faces of what looked like deer, or would have been deer. And you'd be able to get a higher vantage point and stand atop a ruined wall, all Booker's able to go on the ground that you'd be then able to pounce out from.

So self-turns? Oh, terrible. 17. 17. Got it. 5.23. Hold on a second. Finally. 14. First roll higher than 20. 24? Okay.

Finally had a decent roll. So Grumley is clanking very loudly. as he scampers up this column onto the wall, as Booker, you step through into the darkness of this. And you feel the stench hits you first. Before you see it, as your eyes very used to this dark, the darkness of night, still have to adjust in the darkness of this ruined temple.

As you see a toppled, statue of some hooded, druidic-looking deity of some kind. And in a massive, a curled up, almost like a massive ball looking like a colossal bowler, you see a massive hairy beast covered in primal-looking leathers, but very sparsely, sparsely clothed, is what I'll say. And the way that King George had described it to Peggy doesn't do justice to the massive axe that is twice as tall as you are. With these, with its curves so much,

they almost meet at the top, both sides of the plane. Sleeping, sitting beside this massive bear that is snoring incredibly loudly, but very still. And as you step forward, you then see a glint of of white. As you see now its face, the elongated snout, swobbered, pooling out beneath it. And as you see these incredibly massive razor-sharp teeth, as it spits out some air, a bit of a snop bubble from its nose, this thing is absolutely massive. This looks to be if it stood up at least ten feet. As you see in the corner of this room a massive pile of rotting sludge or just this,

it's a disgusting pile of gray and dark green and brown in one side. And bits of scraps of that all throughout this, this temple. As you then approach, you hear you, as it occasionally then seems to be breaking into some slight distress as if it's dreaming, and then returning back. And that's what you see is your, you hit your hasten. I would normally be shaking in my boots, but I'm actually vibrating because of the mushrooms. You're just standing still going,

and you wind up. It's just kind of like, jumping around a too. So I'll actually, like, without even hesitating, just like walk up to the bear. And in my inside, I'm like, oh, I can't believe that this thing is, like, real and what I'm seeing. But the mushrooms have clouded my judgment. And I'm high as hell. And I will just, excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Baer.

Mr. Baer, please wake up. Excuse me, excuse me. And I begin to poke it. Can you understand me? Can you understand what I'm saying? Mr. Baer. Excuse me. My name is Booker.

Um, you do that. In my head, canon, you think you're going, excuse me. excuse me, Mr. Bear, but what you're actually doing is, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, also let's not forget what raccoon hands look like. Yes, it's a little shop, but probably not for the bear. You do that as it's, you're tapping, you're tapping, you're tapping,

and it takes 10 seconds. The rest of you are watching abject terror. It feels like it's an hour. As you hear like a little check camera. As you hear a, and the, you know how like, bare, like, lips can like flap and, like, slobber?

You get coated in slobber. And then it stops. And then two eyes open. And they seem to be groggy with sleep, but distressed and bloodshot. As they then process you, you see as in a movement that is incredibly,

that seems too, fast for a creature this large. You see as this massive beast leaps up and heaves itself up looking at you, and you see a glint of surprise and a glint of fear that then, as his eyes are bloodshot and strained even more, you see it look at you and it lets out a bestral roar,

as it then turns to anger and primal rage almost, as it stands up and roars at you, slobber once again flying across looming incredibly large, as one claw is raised up, one hand is raised up tall, tall with a razor-sharp claws, and another reaching for its massive acts. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you didn't answer if you can understand me. Uh, make a...

But I'm going to wait to see, I mean, I'll make whatever role you want me to make, but as soon as he, like, actually goes to swing the axe and I feel like I'm in danger, I would like to take an action. Okay, make a persuasion check. That one's pretty good for me. Persuasion, you say.

That's a 24. Oh, a 24. As you see, as you see as the bear looks at you looming, and as it's snarling, it opens its mouth. You can see down its throat, this thing is so colossal. As it almost instinctively goes to lunge at you. As you ask if it can hear you. And it stops for a moment.

And it registers that you've spoken to it as it blinks. and its eyes kind of glaze over a little bit. And then you see almost kind of this something well up inside of it, and then it shakes its head and as it sniffs, and you hear Grumley's armor clanking, as it turns towards the four of you, and then back to you, Booker, as it then seems to hesitate for a moment,

but then is overcome once again by this strife. strange kind of savage rage. Um, oh, I couldn't help, but notice it looks like you have some pain behind those eyes. Do you know what would cure that? Some of Peggy's mushrooms. You got any more of those? You're asking the bear? Yes! Me? I don't even know what the fuck that roll would be. Uh, the, uh, the, uh, make a per swathing check. It disadvantage.

Oh, shit. At disadvantage? Yeah, it's a plus eight, so 17. 17. You will see as it blinks at you in confused, confused rage. But you see that as the anger is and the rage is overwhelming, as it lets out another roar,

you see that it's so tense eyes are wide, it also seems to be mixed with fear. As you see as it leaves, leans down to grab its axe and is attempting to raise it. As soon as I do I, do I, so I feel like it just didn't register anything that I said. It's clearly conflicted. Like it's, there's something going on there and it looks like it's going to attack me. It's raising its weapon to attack it.

You would all see this too. So you are all ready to as well to. The second, the second that it raises its axe to attack me, if I may take in like an actual action. Yeah. Like a term, if you will. I will sigh, you know, and say, oh, you know, I'll just be exasperated because I'll be sad that it just kind of ignored me. And I really didn't want to resort to violence. And I will shout, young bear, there are leaves all around.

I said, young bear, eat that leaf off the ground. I said, young bear, won't it make a cool sound when you stuff them in your leaf hole? It's fun to chew on the leaves on the ground. And I'm going to cast suggestion. And basically it's going to feel compelled to just eat leaves to the next eight hours off of the cave floor. I'm going to use a D8 to use my cutting words. Yeah.

To subtract the D8 from the roll and it will be a wisdom saving throw on your end. Okay. You'll have to subtract eight from your roll. It's physically impossible for him to succeed. Well, it depends what it's bonus is. Yeah, it depends on the bonus. I assume the bonus is shitty.

I ruled well, but I didn't know there's no way. It's a 16. You need to be a 16 minus plus the 8, I guess. So 24 type of, right? Four is 18, but I got a 10. He gets a 10. Okay. So he is suggested, he doesn't understand why, but my words are so compelling that he just feels the need to just stuff himself full of the himself full of leaves that are all over the cavern floor.

I need to get a performance check too. Sure. I don't know how good I am to that one. I'd give you a 20. Oh, no, I'm good at this. I feel good about this one. Let's just not fuck this up. 26.

There you go. Damn. That's good. You see as he's looking at you with this primal savagery, as he lets out this roar, almost like there's some sort of blood rage. As he grips the massive axe and is getting ready to, to swing at you. You start singing.

And as you, the song fills this room, you see the bear kind of stops back a little bit. And he blinks and he looks a little confused. And then as the song echoes and you continue to sing, you see his head slowly start to nod along and where there have been fear and rage, there's almost a bit of of joy. of joy and appreciation.

And then as you finish and you command him to, as you compel him and you suggest that he eats grass, he just looks at you very dopily. And he smiles and he says, I love vegetables. And he lumberes over and starts to just pull grass out of the stones and pull Ivy and just so I'll be playing along when I'm singing

and then as I stop to keep playing and look at my shoulder. Okay, I bought us a little bit of time. It's only eight hours. I don't know what we're going to do with all that little bit of time, but we have to make something, we have to do something now. He seemed confused, conflicted, I don't know what else to do, and I'm just going to keep playing.

Remember, we only have eight hours. There's basically no time at all. Nobody moves. He didn't say the code word, so we should just wait here, I guess. Just hold steady. But the bed was... Yeah, that was really cool. I was impressed with it.

He was happy. It's happened together. I don't know what he's playing, but it sounds like through the fire and the flames. Look, look, look, look, look, me. I didn't realize the bed would be that easily distracted. I didn't either. I guess we'll just wait here until he says help. Nope, this is your kid to come up with a plan.

I told you we only have eight hours. It's basically no time at all. He didn't say help. He didn't say it. Is he easy? He was very explicit. I even asked, like, if he was screaming, oh shit, I was dying. I do nothing else

I say nothing else I let you guys do your devices he specifically said do not unless I say help he looks he's sweating I think that's just the mushrooms

he's probably shitting himself right about now I forgot to tell him about that side effect he's like six hours straight him in the bear is sweating look at him he's really loaded up on leaves he's probably gonna die from the leaves alone he's like eating a salad from chopped

I think we ought to check on him. You know what happens when you disobey Booker? No, but he always comes around. So he's still got that extra corn muffin in his pocket. Well, not in his pocket, but in his... I don't know where he put it. He hid it somewhere so I couldn't have it. I think I know wherever he keeps the stuff he doesn't want you to have.

What do? Where? Let's go help, Booker. I'm pretty fast. I can run down and then run back real quick. Are you going to do something when you get down there? Are you just going to run there and then run back? I could run and I could say one word and then I can run back.

Yeah, I mean, try that. I think we should all just go down. Well, now, first, how Bixie do that, and then we can figure it out. Maybe we'll have more information to make a plan. It's been like seven hours now. Oh, God. I'll use my action to dash, and I will immediately arrive at your side. Need help?

And then I immediately run back. I said nothing to do it. I don't think he means me, I mean, look at him. He's like in a puddle of us, I'm going down there. Oh, Booker. When he's furious at you, don't say I didn't warn you. Here.

Oh, it's okay, I've got my pointer stick. I'm gonna very sneakly, avoiding the bears I be eating nonsense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's literally on the ground. Eaton leaves. I'm going to sneak down, kind of avoiding his gaze and kind of come up, like, to the side and back of Booker. How you doing?

Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm good. Like I said, I can keep this up for about eight hours. He's just going to eat there. I don't know what's going to happen. His stomach might just rupture. I've never done this before. We keep this up.

This could get bloody quick. Oh, we were just a little confused. We didn't know if you needed help. It sounds like I should I call everybody else down. Oh, well, I figured you guys will have some time to come up with a plan now. We certainly don't have to kill him immediately. He seemed a little conflicted, though, when I tried to talk to him. Certainly, like he wasn't in his right mind, and I don't mean like this,

where he's just gorging himself on leaves. But it was almost like for a moment he could see what I was talking about, and then all of a sudden he tried to hit me with the axe, so now he's eating leaves. Yeah, it was a little... We all caught the back of that, so we couldn't see his eyes, you know? We didn't really know what was happening. Yeah, there's definitely some pain behind those eyes. Oh, yeah, how'd you offer him?

Well, try to... to get shrooms. Yeah, I was hoping maybe he had some more of those peggy mushrooms. I think just piggyhouse says. Well, hey guys, come down here. And I'll whisper shout up to them. Oh. Did she say the code word?

Does she even have one? Oh, God, we didn't ask her if she had a code word. Well, I don't think we didn't discuss a code word, and she's telling us to come down. So I'm not like, I'm not like, shuffle. What if it's a trick? For me? Frumley, are you all right? Oh, Jesus.

You hear climbing full of the room and Grumly literally rolls all along the ground. Good Lord, Brunley, are you all right? You rolled underneath a massive bear's legs. You're like, I want to look around to see, like, what's the sludge that King George talked about? Oh. I would say make a perception check at advantage because you're a dog.

Take your time, Brumley. We have eight hours. Maybe like seven hours and... seven hours and 43 minutes at this point. Based on your perception of time, you'd be like, we got six minutes left. At 15, at a 15, I'll say you're able to take your time and look around and you see scraps. And what is the pile of rotting organic matter isn't flesh?

It is the stalks of carrots, the husk of cauliflower, rotting vegetable. What the hell? in the corner. And you smell the vegetable that it reminds you of the mess hall, basically the dump, the trash and the mess hole. She's like compost, a bunch of vegetables.

And he did say he liked vegetables. But I convinced him he likes vegetables. Well, I mean, I guess he did say that out loud, but that could have been me. No, if you say about leaves, and he mentioned vegetables, Those are different, and this is a part of vegetable. I suppose that's a fair point.

There's no bones or anything in there? Not that I saw. It's like carrots and potatoes and onions and and there's not really any leaves. This is not just vegetables. No, and when I was telling... And all those things too. What I was telling, Hazel, is that, you know,

that there seemed to be something in there when I talked to him for a brief moment he recognized who I was. I'm gonna continue to be playing. But then all of a sudden it was like he snapped into a rage. And I don't think it was just because I walk him up, but I can tell you, he's probably going to be pretty pissed when he comes to when he's full of leaves. Oh, no.

Well, maybe he'll just get a tummy ache and go to bed. Do you think he's under the control of some kind of spell? I'm sort of like, well, you know, maybe there's like a thorn in his paw. Oh, my gosh. You know, and he's just really mad, but once we remove it, he's going to be a very nice check. To be fair, I didn't really have time to check. At this point, as long as we don't, uh, you know, distract him too much from the leaves, might be able to look him over.

Let's take a look. I'll take the back pose. Just don't poke him too hard or prevent him from like, you know, continuing to eat leaves. I won't, I won't try not to touch him at all. I'm just gonna. Oh, cat, I'm gonna.

Everything all right? Oh, hell. Is that gripped me's word? I thought that was Booker's one. You looked to where Peggy is? And then you realize Peggy's already down there. Oh, shit. He realized it's a stacker rocks that sort of vaguely resembles like a frog with a little eyes on top.

I scratched my head. Who the hell is crumbling and poker? I walked down. I would say one of you choose to make a medicine check. You blew hard. I don't know. I would be bad at it. Oh, thank you.

She probably did it. Oh, medicine. Oh, I'm actually positioned that. And a minute. Oh, shit. It's probably because you're a soldier of some kind. Yeah, I've just probably feared medicine, you know? Do it advantagely.

Oh, advantage, right? That was almost really good. Thank goodness for advantage. That's unfortunate. Oh, wait, no, that's a 16. Not that even better. Ting. It's a 91.

21. You look over and you, 21, I would say that you get the sense that there's no injury to this bear. He's very scarred. You see that on his person, like through the fur, you can see the remnants of wounds of various bladed weapons. And you actually see a patch where there is no fur, where it looks almost like there have been teeth marks or claw marks.

And there doesn't seem to be any kind of Paul, but as you examine him and you look up, and he's very happily eating all of these vines and leaves and grass. You actually hear that he's kind of humming along with the music and that it seems to be bringing some kind of peace as you look in the, as you look at his eyes that are very bloodshot, I think with the medicine check, I would say that it seems to be that whatever kind of something

that had been causing some sort of rage has subsistently, excited. Do you think he could hear us while he's evening? No, absolutely. I've suddenly haven't like stopped that. He's just very focused on the leaves. Maybe we could talk to him while he's a little calmer. You might not understand us.

He's just a baby. That's your baby? I don't know. I've never seen a bear before. Hey, he's just, I suggest a course of activity. That's it. So he can do other things as long as he's just. is he could he, I mean, he's very focused on email leaves.

I mean, feel free. You know, just whatever we do, don't palm him until we're ready for him to just, like, come at us and maybe regurgitate all those leaves. I was about to stab him in the foot. Oh, okay. Ah, don't do that, Betsy, don't do that. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, funny your leaves. Let me try.

Yeah, let me try this. I'll pick up a big bunch of leaves and kind of go in front of them. Hey, Mr. Bear. Um, if he tell him. Tell me how you're feeling? I'll give you this big bunch of leaves to eat. Well, I like vegetables. What are you feeling? Oh, gosh, he's quick.

That didn't work. He seems like vegetables now. I like the music as he... Oh, that's good. Um, do you feel hurt in any way? I like this tune as he takes it and his voice booms out. What's your name? My name's Benji. Benji?

Benji. Isn't that a movie from our youth? I had a dog new Benji. Maybe that's what it was. You went to talk me, Benji? Yeah. There's a dog movie. Yeah, there's dog movie. Yeah. Cool. I'm worried if this is one of those uncharable things that Pegg was talking about.

We're going to have to break Benji's neck. Oh, gosh. But I'll keep playing for as long as we possibly have to. No, no. I... looked over him. I think you, I think whatever was afflicting him before might be, like, done. He might have worked through his system. You think? Maybe it's just being sued by the vegetables and the music. Music does soothe the monster soul.

Well, no, I mean, I think it's like a more biological thing that's come to pass. I mean, I think he was enraised. His eyes were on bloodshot. Now, they're not anymore. And I don't think it's the music. No offense. I mean, it's a nice too. I had none taken. Um. Benji, what? made you so angry before? He looks at you as he still focused on like trying, he goes to another patch and pulls down a huge string of vines and comes in the mouth. As he says, oh, I'm a bear.

And he continues to eat. It's not very helpful. Did you put all the people up on them, up in the branches, and they're all dead, and you killed them? That's a good question. Oh, I did kind of forget about that part. Oh. He, uh, Kedizzi, he could eat. What?

What people? All right. So now I guess we, here's the thing. We just, I hope you're right. But if I stop playing and all of a sudden he goes into a rage monster machine again, we're going to have to do something about it. I don't think he killed him people. I don't think he did either. Yeah, way too tall for him.

That's actually a good question. Were they way up higher than he could reach? I would say you'd be easily able to make that determination. Oh, shit. Because he's like 10 feet and they were like up like 30-some feet. Yeah, like roughly 250 feet in the air. Also, he has an axe. He doesn't need branches.

Yeah. Bixie doesn't say that. Yeah, but that's way cool. Why he's an axe? Obviously, it's in the picture and it's cutting people in two, but like it would have virtually sacrificed people in the trees. That's like way cool. Don't respond to that.

I'm just saying. I'm just thinking hell out. You don't have to feel bad about your hands, solemn things. Or maybe you try to just stop playing and, you know, see how he feels. Benji, is there anything in the woods that scare you? Make you a scarty bear? Porni dear. Oh, yeah, that too.

I don't like them ghosts. Oh, Jesus Christ. What ghosts, Vinci? And people trying to hurt me. Oh, I don't like that either Benji You mean ghosts isn't like bad ghosts What kind of ghosts? They got them horns

Like bad Or like Like a sheep? Like he means antlers Sometimes people don't know the difference And they say horns when really they mean antlers What's the difference? I don't know

One's made out of the bone and one's made out of college or something? What I really know? Carrotin. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're both made out of keratin, which is the same thing your fingernails and your hair are made out of. Gross. I don't know why that's a great.

She's got a weird... It's weird to think about it. That we're growing stuff out of us, you know? Yeah. You think about that one. Oh, some perpetually growing stuff. Seven hours and 12 minutes. Why did you make us this way?

I think she made us. Well, no, I mean, if she's a creator, she did, I guess. But I'm not sure she's a creator. I think she's A creator, not like B creator. She's just the inventor of magic. You didn't make us, did you? Yeah, I made you all last Thursday, remember? I told you.

Oh, man. He's Peggy, I've had to hutch the whole time. I want to, like, just sniff around the perimeter to see if I can get any sense of, like, like ghost biz. I don't know. Anything out of sorts of... You sniff around.

There's no... You're not sure what ghost biz you would smell. All right. Well, I think just... Let him do what he wants to do. I think he's a friend of chap. As soon as you say that...

I'm happy to just stop. Rolet. The exhaustion kicks in from the haystball wearing off, and I just stop. You okay? He's currently shitting himself right now. My voice doesn't do that when I take a shit. Well, I like that, too.

Eyes go, as you see that there's a, they become more bloodshot, as he lets out a roar that booms out. I'm going to wake up. Wake up. I'm stopping toast for at least six full seconds. Oh, my gosh. Or however long the haste. Six seconds would wear off at this point.

He's, well. Benji, calm down. I'll walk up to Benji. Where's your papa? Tell us more about these ghosts. What's your case? Oh, no. How did your spell last?

Oh, good now. 18. 18. I'll fucking miss. As he's dropped his axe and he's looking around and it's actually the corner of the room. Where he's going to swing

with a massive bear paw and swing at you. Not feeling any fear because I don't understand the situation that I'm in. I don't flinch. So it just like whiffs right past my hair and like just this. Well, I'm not plants. I'm going to take out the honey

that I found in the forest. Now, do you just calm down, Mr. Benji Bayer? And we're your friends. We're not going to hurt you. Make a... Make a persuasion check. At advantage. Like, don't take no money.

18. 18. I'm not overly afraid. It's the one that recurs that needs fixing, as opposed to the command check. This was they're two different. That's what it is. You see as...

He's... looking absolutely just filled with frothing rage as jowls are shaking as he goes in to swing at you. And then he, and as soon as you pull out the honey, you see once again kind of his eyes become less bloodshot and he has a dopey look. Because I like honey. As he leans forward.

As he leans forward, I'm gonna say, no, no, mister, you can just, I'll break a little piece of the comb off and wedge it on the end of his razor-sharp nail so that he can like, Now you have to be a good bear and talk to us. I want all of the honey. And you will have it if you're a good bear and you don't hurt us. He seems hungry. Give him two dollars.

All right. May I have two dollars, please? I'll hunk off another and stick it on his other nail. Like bugles. Like bugles. Exactly right. I don't get honey very much. Well, he savors that.

We don't want to hurt you because you didn't hurt those people and you didn't hurt us. Right? Is that where we're at? So far. I've got a lot. Keep going. But, you know, we want to know more about the ghosts. Oh, them, them spooky ghosts out in the woods. Yeah, tell us more. You know, I just see him and I, I don't know, they're scared.

What do they look like? They got horns and hoods. Hoods? How big are they? Scary eyes. I am hungry. Can I get another, dollop? Oh, yeah, okay.

Is it a big are they? Well, I just, I just only, I look at them, I get mighty feared and I run the other way. I don't look at them very long Keziah says it's a figment of my imagination Oh, that sounds real scary They come out at night But during the day too I don't know

I don't leave much Maybe a little honey will jog your memory Well who did you say That they're suffixir My best friend Zaya your best friend Because I'm my best friend My best friend

Keziah Jenkins. Oh my God. We're actually in Druskinball. Who's Keziah? I love to... Oh, that's my best friend. She brings me vegetable. Sometimes honey, but it's hard to get honey, she says.

What kind of critter is Keziah? She's bird. What kind of birds is there? What kind of birds is there? Do you attack her every time she shows up? What color is she? No, she plays a mighty nice flute and it makes me feel nice and comfortable. It was the music, Grumley.

I demand an apology. Lodgy. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's for science. He backed me up on this one. We had to know. We had to figure.

Fine, fine. Well, as I'm running out of honey. I will just... I will begin to just play a simple, nice tune for him and try to see if that calms him down as he's running out of honey. Nothing tricky about it. Just playing like I would at a tap. I love that. When I have the rest of that, you gonna eat all that?

I didn't get it. It was very delicious. I begin just licking my hands, hoping a little scrap or anything stuck to them. That's brutal. Thank you very much. That's my manners. All right, so we know that this Keziah person comes in here

with a flute and soothes poor Benji to do what? What does she come here? Just to feed you? She brings me vegetables. She says she keeps the bad folk away trying to hurt me. She got up. What's the mean? It's got it like a...

Oh, a crossbow. She's got a crossbow. That's what she said it was. Where does she live? She lives in the village where she gets their vegetables and honey. It's a village, uh, my point is it that way? Is that where she flies from? Yeah, I don't know.

Oh, my goodness. What color is she, like Hazel said? Oh, she's red. Okay. Does she have like a, like a big hat? That's red. Look, up on your head. She's got real crazy hair.

Yeah, okay. Somewhere. Just red. No other colors? Yeah, I don't know. She's my best friend, but I don't know. I don't know what kind of colors are there. What are my options?

You got any more, honey? There was some berries outside, but they seem to be covered in the blood of older dead people. Got any vegetables? Hey, what's in my doggy bag? Give them that. Do you and meat? You're like stewing meat? Yeah, I'm hungry. I'm just...

I pull out the baggie that's like, it's kind of deflated at this point. Most of the liquid has drained through, but they're there's some chunks of stuff and the soppy bread. So it's just like wet meat, vegetables and bread. It's just good. It's just kind of like a mush. He looks at it. I think I'm still hungry. I'm sure there's some veins of something in there.

Over. And as he reaches forward, suddenly the bag explodes. An old stew, spills everywhere. As you barely notice a crossbow bolt pierce through the bag. And with a loud clang, it hits the side of the wall. And your attention's immediately drawn towards a figure that's standing on top of the temple, aiming a crossbow at you.

And you see that there's actually three different crossbows on this person. This, it's covered in a number of you. It's covered in a number of weapons, a bandelier of bolts with a hood on, but a very large plume of feathers peeking up in front of it as she stares at you absolutely furious as she reloads and then points it at Hazel. And that's where we'll end the session. Nice.

Well done, game. Interesting. Interesting development. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier or Hire to unlock Shroud Over Saltmarsh,

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