Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | Ep. 4 | Do You Hear the Critters Sing?

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

The Vagabonds reunite at a feast turned daring escape...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/Vif7t0Cv65k?si=61LSWHJySVdTlL-r

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Mikey Gilder and you're listening to Upprooted. Here's what happened last time. Oh no, he's a sweet, sweet little bear who's came from all the way up north. We're gonna go get the rest of the Woodland Alliance that we know is in that prison out so they can escort you down to stick a brush. Help! We've encountered the bear and we've slayed him.

And most importantly get us the vice run because we need our money. Public execution. of traitors at sunset, looking for caterer for the event still. Full hide for full reward. What? We need that ring of keys, and then we're going to bust everybody out of the prison, and we're going to burn this entire clearing to the ground. Our two friends are rotting away in a monkeys eight jail.

So we convince Nestor, we create some horrific, horrible concoction for the viceroy, and hopefully the goat guy. Out they go. We swipe the keys. We let everybody out. and we steal back the gold that is ours. I think it's either that plan, or we commit a bunch of crimes,

and get in with the prisoners, and try to escape chicken runs, style. Okay, crew, let's cook. And he's barking out order. We're putting the drugs only in the place that the Viceroy and any of the Marquis eight soldiers that might be in there, 80. At the head of this grand dining hall,

you see bound and gagged, but dressed very godly, 25 prisoners, and you see sitting at the head of burial, large, incredibly well-dressed pomp rabbit, and sitting on either side of her. Bound and gag, similarly dressed are Hazel and Peggy. Hazel. What?

Peggy. Oh. You sit at a grand banquet hall, flanking on either side, vice-roy Buntilda. the leader of the clearing of click-clot crossing. You are trying to remember how you got into this situation, and the details are very fuzzy. Get it. After being coated in cold soup,

cold stew by the crossbow bolt that Keziah had shot at Hazel, Hazel sprinted away and had gotten very distracted by a very clear trail of bumbleberries in the woods. What was the cold soup? We had a bag of stew that exploded. The left of those grumlies leftovers, right? Oh. You had a sack on this. I was like, what?

Okay, got it. And you followed it, ooh bumbleberry, ooh bumbleberry, ooh bumbleberry, and off into the woods. And Peggy had noticed that you had wandered off and gotten very distracted while Bitsy, Grumley, and Booker dealt with the bear and the bird. And- Buckewaters of everything. You were just there. That's fair.

You're the muscle, man. That's what I mean. Yeah, you're the muscle. And it, you were led to, you followed the trail until, unfortunately you noticed too late that the forest floor opened up beneath you and you fell into a large pit.

Oh no. And were surrounded by, by bandits almost immediately. They had, and much to Peggy's surprise, they had anti-magic maneuvers, which was just taking all of her stuff. Sending the anti-wizard. Taking all of her stuff, which they then,

You can't stop me from getting naked. That's true. Can't stop that. Which, and after, realizing, after hearing word from Pottsville, that there was a group of vagabonds who had conducted quite the caper of creating Corn and Corn Alone Day

and making away with quite a bit of coin and food, that the authorities of the nearby clearing would be very interested. You were turned over to the town guard, and the town guard ignored the caper, and ignored the Corn and Corn and Alone Day, and just presumed that as vagabonds, as these travelers, that you must be

members of the Woodland Alliance, and immediately arrested you. You were added to a chain gang, and while you were with your prisoners, you had seen in the other cell the Fox Girl that you had stumbled into your camp. And you heard mutterings. Many of these people were so confused.

They had no idea why they were being accused of being members of the rebels. You get the sense that most of them are probably just peasants that just weren't able to defend themselves and didn't have any. any way to get out of this situation. And you were then told that you would be offered a last meal, that you'd be dining with

the Viceroy herself, and there would be a grand public execution for those that would not talk and give up secrets of the Woodland Alliance. And that there would be carnival games, that there would be food stands at the public execution, that it was going to be quite in the event. and that if you did not want to be executed, that you would spill the beans. Is at this point that you were then all dressed for dinner and very gaudy clothing

and brought together in a chain gang that wrapped around the entire table and into a grand hall with all sorts of art from some centuries old, from the old Erie dynasty, that had ruled them this palace, as well before the Marquis Zott had taken over. And as you sit chained, the viceroy had eagerly awaited the meal from the, the butler had come in and whispered,

who had been replacing the previous crew to cook dinner. And it was the renowned chef, Nestor Zappa, from, how about dinner? How about lunch and also dinner? Bitsy's the only one that knows the name about it. How about dinner but also breakfast? Did somebody say tea? Did somebody say tea? And lunch.

I might have it written. Yeah, it's something. Bitsy was the only one last time who knew it. Probably and I had no fucking idea. I tried to rate it down, but I was like, Derek's got it. Yeah, no, I just have jawbone of St. Fultonheimer. Yeah.

He probably commented. He just said LOL. He's got to be there. Derek, we need you. The name of the restaurant, Derek. The name of the restaurant. Lunch. How about dinner?

Somebody said dessert. I really. What about tea? Some bullshit. Like that. Somebody safe. Close enough. Yeah.

Anyway. And you then see the doors open. And at this point, Booker and Grumley, you enter the grand hall and see the scene ahead of you, these prisoners all in a chain gang, the viceroy in her elaborate outfit at the head, with a very large open space on the table for her various portions of the feast. and it's at this point that you look around and you realize that Bitsy's gotten distracted

and has made her way back into the kitchen. That doesn't seem like Betsy. What does Bitsy say in this moment? Uh, they're telling me this. No, where you go? Go back there! Oh! That's a lot of them.

Those fuckers can jump. Everywhere. And Bidsey is gone into the kitchen. And then Nestor, who has not been informed of this plan. That's exactly what Bixie says. That Nestor who's not been informed of the plan, and his eyes are filling with tears. He still has the red headband from the 80s montage that you all did.

And he looks at this, this is the greatest moment. moment of my life. And I realized I've forgotten how to plate. You're my team. Can you help me out here? And so he turns to you, and you basically have free reign to do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. So I would say we are carrying out the plates at this point. I would say, I would say for sure, we were very careful. about how we lined up the dishes and which one would be drugged. And definitely not trusting Bitsy and only half trusting Brumlin. I would take at least one or two. Again, we had some unnamed number of them

because I didn't know how many other people we might need to drug outside of the Viceroy. But I'm going to make sure that the Viceroy gets the drugged food. Okay. At the very least, outside of that I don't give a shit. She gets five portions, right? Yeah, some crazy number of points. Five portions of drug food.

And I'm definitely... And I don't really just wait there, a little stare at Booker. I'm like, my eyes would just be a little... Just like, wait to me, tell what to do. And our drumle, just like, I grab some of the plates. It's not giving them to our lovely guests. Right, wait. Which one?

No, any of them just start going right around the goal. I'll take care of the viceroy. If they have to, you know, uggs-dray, or whatever. No, now, I'll take care of that. Drumley, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Leave the rest to me. Oh, sure. D's a fine?

I've got everything. It's all right. All right. Okay. The vicroy has to eat first. She's the most important. And I'm going to be, like, handing out the drug to her. We plump a bunny will look at you, and she's like,

I'm starving. This looks delicious. Oh, that's, yes. Well, you have the most famous chef in all of the dimwood here who prepared this meal for you, and so it's going to be nothing but delicious. I hope so. If not, I'll have your heads.

Oh, well. Thank you, your highness. Royalty. I make a deception check. Oh, shit. I think I might be vicerable. I think I might be vice-up. Tell them.

It'll be delicious, Andy. What's going on here? Sorry, I apologize. I've got to get my skill up. Deception. Start to the D. I'd have to get a one to fuck this up. The D is for deception.

I got a 19, so that's going to be a 30. Okay. She says, this looks delicious. And she turns to both of you, as you're the closest prisoners on either side. As you see Booker walk up, and how would you react to Booker showing up in a chef's outfit? I'm like trying not to make eye contact with them. Hi, it's Booger. You're talking about who?

You got a booger? Get it for you if you want. No, I'm saving that. Shut your mouth, you're gonna get him in trouble. I'm here too, by the way. Oh, I mean, you don't know who I am. You have a grumbly in your tumbling. In my tumbling, please.

Her eyes widened, almost maddeningly as she looks at both of you, and she says, Because I am such a generous captor. The delicious last meal you will ever enjoy. It does smell good. As thanks, I expect all of the information on the Woodland Alliance that you have and you might be spared. Yeah, okay. So the biggest thing is that most of the high-end members of the Woodland Alliance are actually your guards and the people in your wrong point.

That's how they were able to get so many people in here. The majority of these people know nothing because they're not going to capture all of us. That would be silly. I'm a high-end ranking member, so you should probably kill me first. Unfortunately, that's just the way it goes, but most of these people are really stupid and they have nothing to do with it. So you should probably go through all of your gods

and question them, because I would say probably, like 70 to 80% of them are actually your enemies. Make a perception check. I mean, a persuasion check. I don't even have dice out. Thanks. That's pretty good. It's damn good.

Just keep it. I mean, I have dice. He said persuasion. Persuasion. 16. 16. Let me roll real quick. She, her eyes widened, and she looks at you.

Honestly, it was the easiest way we figured we could do it, because then we take out a bunch of our enemies right under your nose, and you wouldn't know anything at all, you know? So if we just infiltrated your court and filled it up with the Woodland Alliance, then we could get rid of everyone who sided with you, and then you would be the easiest thing to take out at the end. Drew. There needs to be a trial, and do you have evidence?

Evidence. And you feel like as the massive sheet man enters the room, and he says, evidence. Oh, yes, evidence. intense. And Kalunk looks at her and he says, Mm-hmm. Oh my goodness. And all the guards are looking around at each other very nervous.

And she turns to you and says, will you point out which ones are the traitors' rebels? It's gonna be really hard for me to point them all out when they're wearing clothes. Make it a zepton check. I know this app. Five. Oh. Oh.

Almost. I rolled a three and then five. Four or four. Nearly there. Missed by that much. She leans in and says, do you know how much it cost the taxpayers? Yeah, but you know the thing is, how can I? I don't.

I don't really get. It's the taxpheres money, not mine. But see, the thing is, you know, how am I supposed to tell whether, you know, guardsman Sean over there is actually Woodland Alliance Adam when he's wearing a helmet? I can't see his face. Are you saying that there's special tattoos or something?

You think of a way? You think we're stupid enough to do that? We got to think of all. That would be evidence. She thinks for a moment. Oh, he, only. yelling sure he's hungry work, isn't it? Why don't you eat

five portions of supper? Before you do that, and perhaps maybe your enormous scary Goatman God would like to eat some food too. Do you do executioning on a full stomach? He steps forward a little bit

and says, I prefer to kill fast. No, it's really good. I mean, tell him how good at he's. It's, I mean, it's, I mean, in all reality, this is some of the greatest food I've ever tasted in my entire life. Oh. You have to try it.

It's been everywhere. It does look really good. Every clearing. Nestor knows his way around the kitchen, that's for sure. Nobody like Nestor. Oh, yes. No, I've wandered into many strange kitchens after being in the bar. I've been thrown out by many...

I mean, I'm a graduate from Gordon Ram. Bransy's prestigious. I promise you, you'll never see another, you'll never try another meal like this ever again. Make a persuasion check. An advantage, because Grumley's helping you. You can't. Yeah, you can.

I got a, uh, clay night. A twist of dread. So do I just re-roll that one? You'll have to take the lowest, regardless. Let's not. dread work. That's true

me. So do I just take the... No, no, no. You take the new role. Yeah. I got a 31. Thank you, Michael. Does it get better than that, probably.

And this is my famous Dutch sauce. See the sauce on literally every course? That's the Duththorne. When you put it like... Oh, it's even in the trough one. Um, if, if, if that means that the goat, the goat clunk, yeah, clunk is, is looking to have a plate. Clunk, I order you to not kill fasted.

We have the nester that they said, you must not be rude to our chef. He is basically an executioner like you. Here, I, let's. Allow me, please. And I go down to the end of the table where one of the most pathetic, peasant-looking, starving people

sitting there, and I lead it over and I go, I'm so sorry. And I take the dish from them, and as I'm walking to clunk, I would like to this. As stealthily as possible, take the rest of the drugs that Bidsey had us and just slip them under all the food.

I mean, this is so much drugs that I'm putting in this one. because this guy is like the 1,200 pounds. And so we sprinkled it amongst the vice for his food. I am using the rest of it. It's basically like a giant crack rock of drums, like underneath the mash, next to the bangers.

And I will try to stealthily stick that in there as good as possible. And so you actually pull out, like, literally, it looks like it's like a full crack rock, but edible food grade, food grade paint, you see Big Clucker. And he says nobody does drugs like Big Clucker. All right. And the key to this one,

the key of this one is called deconstructed bengas and mash. But the key is actually just to eat it all in one go. And it just constructs as you eat it. Another natural morning. 27 total for sorted in hand. Booker is on Funnel. You're able to do that very quickly, and as you approach him, his eyes narrow, and he says,

Don't I know you? What? Me? No, no. We've never met before in our lives. Making deception, Jacob, disadvantage. There's certainly nobody in the dim one that has, I mean, there are tons of people in the dim one that have the exact same accent as I do.

I'm certainly not a unique reptilian or anything. You said disadvantage? Uh-oh. Deception. 17. Fuck. Oh no, inside. I gotta roll inside.

God damn. I'm using a twisted dread. So I will keep the six. No, I'm gonna just, you're gonna just, okay, okay, okay, I'm re-rolling. Got it, got it, got it. 17. I went from a two to a seven.

Very good. Never seen me before in your life, friend. And he looks at you and, uh, I mean, the vice was like, Clunk, what did I tell you about, you sit down and stop being offensive? And with that, he yelps a little bit. And he's very clearly, like, actually afraid of the viceroy.

Me too. And he sits down, and he takes the plate. And she then extends her arms and says, I will reiterate my generous offer. You will have the greatest meal of your life. And if you give up a supper or... My tongue gets loose once I've had a bite to eat. Oh, good point.

Secrets are best spilled over dessert. Dig in! All right, Brumley, just stand back and watch the mayhem. I'm sitting at the table with my forkling. And you see, as you had taken, there's a very emaciated... A tiny vole. As you like,

he's like, oh, no, when his chains are rattling. Can I go into the kitchen and like pick up the tarantial and just like, kind of get it out of a group and bring it out to him.

Bissy's like, no, I was just going. I just totally ignore Bitsy. As Bitsy's opportunity to, I'll find someone else to start a cult with. As you do that and you just drop a smash tarantula and the vole devour starts to devour out. It's the best I could do, I'm sorry.

It's all we got this. As Ness was like, oh, I can't wait to get the reaction. I'm going to look and I can't wait for you to tell me how you love it. As you see the Viceroy Buntilda starts shoveling food into her face. and she takes a handful of bites for a couple seconds. Her eyes go wide. This is just like, as Klan turns and he looks,

and he's like, oh, drug rock. Yes! I didn't think that was gonna work. I need to roll Pansu's evening for them, though. Oh. Okay. I'm really overdue. Well, then you get our money back. It serves them right.

They're charging us taxes. Okay. Okay. Remember the lesson of the day, kids. If you charge people taxes, you deserve to be poisoned to death. FBI then rolls up and the house. And so is it just Kong and the viceroy that you were poisoning, right? Assuming that they're the only Marquis-a-people that are actually eating, yeah?

They're guards, right? I assume if there are guards there, we'll just have to slay. there, we'll just have to slay them. That's unfortunate for them. That's wrong place, wrong time, friends. No, but we were definitely gonna try to avoid poisoning any of the wood little lions. That happens.

So both Klunk and Vice Roy Buntilda just completely collapse, foam emerging from their mouths. As the guards all snapped to attention, and they all turn to Nessor. Oh, this was all me, I did all over the world. work. I played it everything and did my famous dut sauce on all of the dishes. There was no particular reason to do it on every course except for the method that it was so delicious. And the cars immediately raised their weapons and said, and I'm going to call it out. You know, if I were you,

I get out of here right now because she now thinks that it at least 70 to 80% of you are with the Woodland Alliance and she needs no evidence. She's gonna wake up eventually if you're still here. Those numbers aren't looking so good for you, fellas. Make a persuasion, Jack. I'm gonna get you guys. Oh, it's a folder.

I'm not first place. They look at you and they hesitate. And they pull out, and as they look and they see, seemed to, they seem to be very clearly thinking about it. As after seeing that the vice-roy had very clearly been very willing to execute all of them, as they stop and they turn you and say, well, we can prove it was this guy. Well, put it on him and they go, oh, too much booze. As the guards start to start surrounding.

While they're going after nest and look for the goat man's key ring. See if we can get these ladies out of here and then also maybe get our holdback. Oh, that's a big subject. We can take it to go. We have to get out of here. Quick, probably go. All right. And I'm going to run over to Clunk's person and I want to just look through this. Investigation check.

Oh, God. I'm like trying to see if my, my bound hands can reach the vicerous plate for just a lot. No, no, no. Okay, yeah, just do that, do that. Dexterity comments between you two. Reaching as hard as I can. Are you trying to thopper? Oh, I was just telling her, if I'm close enough,

yeah, I would definitely try to slap the fork out of her hand. Just dexterity? 19-16. Oh, you beat me, I think. Welcome, Huntress Clarice. Just straight up Dex is- Hello, Huntress Clarees. I'm pretty good.

I got a 12, so I'm not able to stop her from doing what she wants to do. Can cause these a saving throat? Natural one. You immediately lose consciousness as you get a marshal. And you take 14 points of poison damage. As Bitsy did not realize the sheer extent of what she had done as you see Hazel slump forward

into the deconstructed bangers and mash. Son of a god, there was food right on her own plate, She had to go for the viceroyce. Unbelievable. Brumley, have you found the keys? Ah, I'm looking, a road to not. T. To look for the keys.

Oh, yeah, you find it very quickly. I wanna look, I wanna keep an eye on at Nestor and like what's happening. Poor Nestor. He's holding up his hands like, oh no, I just, I just was trying to live my dream at the real chef for the viceroy. I didn't mean to.

to use too much salt. Maybe it was a hard condition. I'm sorry, I just like my food's salty, as they are closing in on him. I will, hey, Booker, take these, and I'll throw them the keys. What, why? What are you doing? No, we have to get out of here. We can't stick around here.

What are you doing? You're gonna free the prisoners, and I'm gonna save Nestor. No, no, no, Nesta's what we call a Patsy. He's a fall guy. We don't need him anymore. No fault guard gets left behind. Oh, sweet. That's a buff.

I just want to start bum rushing for Nestor. Okay. Okay, make, uh, I would say that they're approaching him and starting to surround him. We'll say we're going to do role an athletics or acrobatics contest, and it's going to be a group role for the guards. And it's going to be disadvantaged because you see that there's actually, there's one leader that is very, very much unsuade, but a lot of them had, after hearing what Peggy had to say, they're like, she almost just tried to hang us.

With no fair trial. This is pretty, the taxes are high, we don't have right to a fair trial, what is this place? And it's gonna be a natural too. What did you get? 26. Nice. You manage to, after you throw the keys to Booker, You manage to just hunker down and dash,

and you've never seen a bug move this fast. It's like a bowling game. Yeah. And you actually, it's like the lion scene of Timoan and Pumbo and the Lion King, and you actually are knocking guards out of the way. Nestor doesn't even have any time to react as you basically tackle him. Oh, what's happened? Oh, my goodness.

I get up and I say, Now that's what I call duckpin bole. And I turn around with all the guards. Jesus Christ. I turn around the guards. And I say, don't make me use my chef's halberd. I will begin trying to unlock all of the manacles from all of the Woodland Alliance. I would say so as that's happening, you are able to easily unlock it.

And you see that on a clunk's person are all of Peggy's effects. as you see a bunch of horrible glowing vials and horrible experiments and contraptions, as they all spill out and you were able to free your companions. Done. And I leave Hazel just sitting in the chair for now until we're ready to move. You see that in the foam at Clunk's mouth,

there's some blood in there. Oh, oh no. This is awful. Bitsy's a murderer. I can't believe she's done this. I also would like check if he has any of our gold that he stole from us. Make an investigation check. Used all my good rolls. Oh, 12, 11.

11. You find a small pouch of gold on him. It literally is personal gold. Yeah, I take it. And as I hold the gold up, I say, there's a lesson here, plunk. Taxes are bad. And I, and I pocket the gold coin purse. You see his eyes kind of like get cross-eyed and like some bloods turned to poor. Jesus.

You brought this on yourself, friend. And I will turn to the gang. All right, what do we do now? We're going to get out of here. And I'm like telling the peasant. basically to just fucking run and like just get out and you know, what we can move together as a unit. Somebody's gotta carry Hazel.

As I'm literally surrounded by guards, yeah, grumbling surrounded by guards. As they, there's this lead one, as the other ones are kinda looking at each other, this lead guard who is very, he's dressed the most elegantly, you can tell that he's a cat and he's very, very loyal, what? Doesn't go out my cat.

He says, that's pretty good. He, uh, he says, you are an accomplice. You will be brought in and tried and hanged at the festivities this evening as well. We're not accomplices. I'm just a sous chef. And I'm not putting you my head chef.

So I suggest you step down. I'm a real head chef. How close am I to this person? I would say you as close as you want to be. It's really from 30 feet. 120 feet. Oh, yeah. The room is big.

It's not that big. I am going to give me a second. I have to think about how I magic this. Oh, I've got my stuff back. Well, when I have been my pack to make him very, very frightened. You look a really cheap Halloween mask.

You're perfect. I'm going to reach it to my back and pull out. What clearly looks like a plastic were a thing in this place, like one of those super flimsy clown masks. I'm going to put it on my face. And I'm going to look to this man. I'm going to go, no one's going to get hanged here today, friend. But maybe you will look around you. You see nothing but foes.

You're the only one that's got enemies here. We're all friends. And I'm going to cast enemies abound on this person. He needs to make an intelligent. saving throw, DC-16. Fucking fails. 14. Yes, he loses the ability

distinguished friend from foe, regarding all creatures he can see his enemies until the spell ends. He turns, and as he sees, the very cheap, very cheap cloud mask. It's like ill-fitting. You have no chance against

the magics I've created for myself. his eyes go wide and he says, I don't want to go to the circus father spooky clowns scare me! And he turns as he has a horrible flashback and he takes a sword

and runs it through one of the guards. Oh my gosh! As blood splatters everywhere and you see as one of the younger guards okay I'm a politician and they all just start caesering it. I'm gonna, while this is happening, I'm gonna go over to Aizel and I'm gonna grab her by her lapels.

And you're like, wait up, wake up, wake up! And I'm shaking her violently. Oh, we're not. I would say that you, make a constitution, I will say a little trigger, Constitution saving throw. 16. 16, that's enough. The DC was 15. As you are very sick, your tummy hurts. You're a little drunk from the duck sauce.

And you, but you are conscious and you're able to move. You ate off the wrong plate. We served you. You're your food specifically. Why did you eat the Viceroy's food? Oh, it's just so hungry, and honestly, I didn't see my plate. It was right here. There's blood and sores and like dead people.

And I'm standing there with this mask of skew on my plate. my face covered in blood. What's up here? It's like the scene from saving Private Ryan, but it's from Hazel's perspective, it's like going in and out, it's fuzzy, and there's like a clown Peggy standing over. And there's one guy walking around with no arm.

Like, oh, I don't know. And the Briceroy is like, going to get it out of her maled eyes. Actually, that does happen. As you see that there is, there's a large carving knife. As you see that there's a mouse, that despite his small size is actually incredibly muscular,

as he looks forward and lunges for the carving knife and says, freedom! And just for the viceroy and just cuts her throne. And they turn on the guards as a couple of prisoners who are actually wooden alliance, starts stabbing the guards. And one goes into the kitchen as Bitsy is like, Oh, no, that's a, go on!

And she runs out and there's a massive eruption of flame from the kitchen as the whole room starts to catch fire. Fucking drank, come on! Oh, hi, Mr. I'm pulling Esther out with us. We gotta go. I don't know. I'd be dragging Hazel and saying,

Becky, come on, we have to find a way out. I'm just standing over them breathing heavily. Freedom of death to Tyrant! The fire is, it's getting out. getting hot in here so Peggy takes off all her clothes. Oh, God. No kidding, I just don't give us comment. Is there another, I would look for some sort of like staircase

that's away from the kitchen, but not necessarily like the main door to this room? Yeah, so you do see that there's a large door as, and there's absolute chaos erupting. And you, and through the crowd, a someone approaches you as you see the Fox girl approach you. And she says, I knew you went with them. I knew you were one of us. As she pulls out one of these steak knives and hands them to you, it's like, join us.

One of you, let's like a hasty here. I mean, we're here to save you, but we're gonna get out of here. This is going to be a beacon that will burn the entire dead wood. What? Wow, wow, whoa. In the fires and freedom. Hold on a second. Yeah, we're not burning anything.

I mean, I didn't say I wanted to burn this clearing now because of the taxes. There you will, yes. What? We got to find a way out of here. I don't know if we want to get mixed up in this. I think that's really more of a figure of speech. Can you just leave? As you see as all of the guards are massacred at this point.

Oh, wow. And the whole palace is starting to burn this absolute chaos all around you. as the members of the, there are very clearly, completely innocent peasants who are looking around and they're absolutely terrified and looking at you like, what do we do? I would tell this fox girl before we make any moves, listen, if for some reason that we get separated

and we don't see you again, there's a small area south of this clearing and I would tell her how to get to Benji and Kozai. You're gonna find a very large bear and really kind of a very rude bird, but they wanna join the Woodland Alliance, They can help you. You can find them and lead them to wherever you want to take them.

Just in case we don't stay together. All right. I mean, we can't really stay in this clearing anymore. No, no, we have to get the peasants out. Look how very confused and scared they are. Come, quickly. I'm trying to find an exit. And she looks.

And she looks. Follow it for a little while, but not as long as you'd like to. And she looks at you and says, thank you. My name is, my name is Ginger. Come to Sticker Brush, and she turns to the mouse and says, Sean! Open the door, it flies open, and there's guards that start rushing in,

and the members of the Woodland Alliance start fighting them and clashing them, very much leaving an opening for you as you're able to lead the actual peasants through the palace. All right, yes, that sounds great. We'll see you in Stingham Brush. There's no way in hell if we're going to Stickerbrush. Let's get the hell out of here. I'm dragging Nestor. As he looks... I'm walking slowly, covered in blood, wearing a mask. And that's it.

That's wrong. I occasionally hop. As Nestor says like, well, this dream of mine turned out to be a nightmare. As he looks, there's fire, there's blood. He's being carried by Grumly out. As he looks at my... I grab that scene and throw over my other side. Yeah.

And she turns to Ness says, well, hi! I mean. It's like Derek and never left. It's really. As the Woodland Alliance fights their way through the palace, creating enough of a distraction

where you hear that there had been guards going down through these hallways, but the actual sound of violence and shouting voices and death to the Marquis-od and death to the Marquis freedom for the dimwood starts to draw all of the attention. So there's like another hallway that's...

Yes. As Nestor looks at Bitsy as she says that, a tarantula cralls out from under her chef hat and skitters on top of Booker. And he looks around and he looks at Peggy. He's like, and the clone. And he reaches into his coat and he pulls, unscrews the last remaining airplane bottle of booze and he just down. down the whole thing.

Well, that moment of clarity for Nesta is gone. He's hopeless. We should throw him in the fire. I'm kidding. We have to get out of here, please. Where are we gonna go? I mean, we can't stay in this clearing. I mean, I'd really like to get the gold that we earned

and I'd like to take it with us. I mean, we have all of these keys. We should be able to fetch the gold and then we can get out of here. We can go any clearer we want. Where's the gold? If, what? What?

What? Where's the gold? We were robbed. We didn't get the money that we got for slaying the bear, all right? That's terrible. That's what I'm saying, because they're all evil crooked crooks. Well, we go to salmon vaid.

Yes, but we'll figure it on the way. I have a question, though, like, did you kill the bear? Well, no, but we were... Well, then why should you get money for killing a bear if you didn't actually do it? Because he didn't deserve to die. He was a good person. He was a nice bear. I thought he was pretty scary.

Right, but they were paying you for killing a bear. So if you didn't get the bear, why should they give you money? We saved a life and we stole from these crooked crooks. It's all win-win for me. So where's the gold? We're gonna go find it if there's time. I'm not gonna put these keys to no use. We're gonna put them to good use.

I think we should get next to like into the head or something. That's fine. We'll deal with it on the way. Let's just get out of here. All right. In wait. Maybe we just try to find it fastest way out of this building. I'm following Grumley looking up and,

Mr. did you make a dessert course? No? No. Oh, my dream is a nightmare. filled with bloodshed and clowns. Nothing, no. You know, somehow I always knew it was gonna end this way. I don't know how I was so oddly specific

and guessing a clown was gonna be involved. But just somehow I always knew. And you know, I didn't think that my dream was gonna be so political. I just wanted to say this. I just wanted to make Dundthor. Can I was going to be one, Nestor. Chef Ramsey would be so disappointed. To be fair, Nestor, he always is.

Oh, I know. I'm shocked I graduated. I'm sure you're... Me too. I'm sure your bumbleberry trifle was good. We'll never know if currently incinerated. It was bumble. I like break every window.

Yeah, yeah, you're breaking the window. I look outside, not too hot. Break the next window. And you're going down and there's very clear like a spiral. There's all sorts of staircases and ladders. This is built into a tree. This is a captured Erie Palace

that was the prize of the Marquisotte. And it was kind of like a dead tree already. Oh yeah, it's a dead tree. So it's a very anxious. Just kindling. Yeah, basically. We're in a giant, cany. Okay.

As you hear the screams of pain and the shouts of freedom, as you make your way through, the fire roars behind you, you break every window. There's priceless art all around you. It's going up completely in flames. As you make your way through and through the chaos, you're able to lead these terrified, who just got mixed up and for no reason. You managed to save all of them.

As about half of them seem to actually be with the Woodland Alliance, half did not. As you make your way out into the clearing, as the alarm bells are ringing, as the town guard is mobilizing, and you see this large crowd gathering, as you see that mouse, the very muscular mouse, that had been called Jean. He's a mighty mouse.

He's a very mighty mouse. Yeah, exactly right. As he stands atop the gallows, as he takes, he's now found a saber of some kind and he's slicing all of the ropes, and they start to torch it. As he says, people, denizens of the Timor, denizens of Clicklau Crossing,

we have brought an end, to the tyranny of Viceroy Gwantilda. Join us. Join the alliance of all of the woodland critters. Join us in our fight for freedom. We now have a weapon of war. And you start to see that townsfolk are looking around and dozens of townsfolk leave the crowd.

They have like Turros and like as more and more people start to join. the crowd as a large crowd as the guards all start to rush in as the the bells are clanging. Many people, many denizens, many rabbits of this clearing, who had very clearly decided to join the Marquisade in the tavern and perhaps because that they needed a job, they needed money to bring home for the family. They look at the massive crowd, the growing crowd of these members of the Woodland Alliance and they're just like, this isn't worth it. and they're dropping their swords and just backing up.

Jesus. And the massive swarm of the crowd starts flooding out of the city in the direction of Keziah and Benji. As you see them leave the main town as the large clock tower gongs, as chaos is in the city. Well, you know, I think your plan of getting Nestor back to the end at the very least is a good one to start, and then we have to figure out where we're going. I mean, I almost feel like we should just have them take him with him. Oh man, what's he going to do?

He was, you know, witnessed to be a part of it. I mean, I guess there are only witnesses left. Oh, boy. Wow, that's a good point. I don't know. I feel like, yeah, I don't feel like anybody involved should really stay here. I just, I don't know. Is he going to go with him?

Is it going to be all right with that? Are they going to take a trunk? Clearly, he's, you know, fall right off the wagon. What do you think, Esther? You're drunk? Intimony. Oh, my dream. Oh, woe is Nestor.

My life, how silly it was to think that a duck like me could ever get his groove back. All right, Nestor, I'm going to need you to focus. All right, dreams are over. The dimwood is on fire. I need you to focus here and make a decision. Oh, to make a decision, such a monumental decision. Well, it's one that if you don't make the right choice, too,

you're probably going to die. I don't think that's helping him But it's the reality of the situation He's got to wake up here What you just tell him what to do? I don't think he'll fight Why fight In the end it's all just

It's all just burning trees Dead butlers and a scary Spooky clown Nestor Where one dream burns Another dream can be born From the ashes I'm gonna walk up to Nestor

covered in blood with my clown mask still on. I'm going to lean over him. Nesta, if you don't get your shit together and stop drinking, I'm going to come to you every night and you sleep. Oh, no.

Wait, you sound just like that pair of really strange frogs. Then I met at the tavern was taken off a close. That's terrible. You're very clearly a flesh-eating monster who eats critters and then has mimicry abilities. And the only kind of monsters that I eat are the drunken ones.

I like to taste the alcohol in their blood. Oh. Sober up. Go back to Gordon Ramsey's and get a new degree. I didn't really work out Shut up Make an intimidation check I'm at everything

14 14 that's not that's not terrible he looks and he says Well Even after this You're right I don't have a degree

This is fraudulent Look you can see big cluck of thumb Right here That's that you watched me make that Oh I did I'm a fraud. Maybe I should go back to school and get into architecture or something.

You know what? I think I'm going to be an accountant. Well, hold on. I think the monster that ate both Peggy's makes a good point. They roughly started to make a very good speech that was very reminiscent of something that I might say. But look, if this doesn't work out and maybe you still want to cook, it's very possible the Woodland Alliance could use a talent like yours.

They need to eat just like everywhere else. That's true. Oh, everyone needs to eat. I could eat right now. Oh, you like some of the duck thoughts that we're in? It's really not the time for that nest, and we need you to focus. No, I don't think that's a good idea. Oh, Haseel, no! Oh, man.

Oh, man. Now what am I going to eat? You could have a new dream of freeing the woodland from the Marquisar and the Erie and, you know, independence or community or whatever they believe it. whatever they believe in, you know, sort of give you something to live for. We're gonna be honest, we really don't care what you do. You just gotta make a decision quick.

I mean, things are literally on fire. Yeah. You hear the ringing of the fire squadrons as they're like a bunch of cats and rabbits with buckets of water, like, eh. Nessah, I know we've been through a lot, but you are just a minor part of our lives. And look, maybe our past,

will cross again, but I hope they don't, and I don't think they will. Oh, I am a minor part of my own life. We're all just becked in the grand. This guy is depressing. I really thought he was going to turn around. This got dark. Can we see like an actual crowd going into the woods?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all running off into the woods. I'm making an executive decision. Here we go. Let's go. Follow me. And I'm going to keep it over my shoulder.

We'll follow up. And I'm going to just try to catch up with this throng of people going. Yeah, I would say you're able to catch him. up and you see many of them are like carrying large pots of honey. They're breaking in and like stealing from the, uh, the apiaries and the bakeries and, um. If there's time, like, join the looting. Yeah. I want to see if I can recognize any of the sort of just meek, normal, like,

people as part, a part of this throng. Not necessarily Jean or Ginger, but. Um, you see. Oh, Sean. That's name was Sean. My name is Sean. What's up? That's a little weird for Mikey, but I'll go with that. I'll follow in Nick record in 2012. Oh, hey, Nick Gregory. And thank you follow 100 Clarice.

Oh, I'm saying. You see the rabbit, the bunny mother that had been scared off and called Booker a Pervert. That's right. And she joined And she has joined the crowd. I forgot about that. We didn't hope we missed.

And you hear the turtle, the blue sheltered and say, ah, here ye, hear ye, absolute chaos and pandemonium in Clicklau crossing. Oh, and the Viceroy's dead. Viceroy's dead. Killed by the hands of the Woodland Alliance. And probably that ram guy too. Probably that ram guy.

Well, if you can't beat him, join him off to Stickerbrush for this town cry. I wonder if they need a cry of some kind. I'm going to turn to the mother. Do you mind looking after a wayward soul who really needs some guidance in life and really some purpose? And, you know, burning down a whole dim one. It's a pretty noble purpose, I guess,

depending on who you ask. And to be fair, he's a very, very good cook when he's not drinking. And another thing, I'm not a pervert, I'm just a raccoon. Unbelievable. Just want to call on people permits. And another thing, I'm not appropriate.

I'm just a raccoon. Yeah, that's right. So please, just take Nesta, get him away from us. Take him. He needs people that are not us. He needs guidance. He needs to be molded, and you can teach him to ways that he lines.

Specifically, people that are not us. And so I'm gonna like tie him, take out a rope and tie one end around Nestor's waist and give him the other end of the rabbit mother. So if you could just do us a huge, favor and lead him into the woods where the bear is. That would be great. Uh, making a persuasion check. Just straight. Uh, uh, persuasion.

Not too bad, 15. 15. Okay. Uh, she looks and she glares at, uh, at Booker and looks at, uh, at Nestor and says, Oh, I guess I could be a political agent. You're gonna get assassinated in week one. Immediately. I guess I could join the revolution. I was gonna be an accountant as if I'm already dead and five.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No wrong time. No wrong point. Even if you were a accountant. Even if you're dead inside. No wrong point. But I guess whatever fate awaits me doesn't really matter.

And architects. And she just looks and says, well, I haven't had a well-cooked meal in a long time. Oh, thank goodness. Do you need me to cook? Is my sparkful life coming back to me to find purpose? Oh, no, they were just a course. I thought he was going to vomit. And she, as he turns to you and says,

well, I guess this is goodbye. I'm going to join the violent revolutionaries to commit massive prosody in the name of their cause. Congratulations. Well, this is this wild, crazy spring break I've ever had. Is it spring? I don't know. You tell me.

I lost a few themes. Good luck. Don't, you know, in the revolt, don't die. Watch out for cats. Um, watch out for dogs. I hate to say it. Oh, there's a dog right there. There's two of them. Go away now. Well said, Browley. Well said. We're waiting as they do like your list. Oh, tell old Bo that I'm sorry for for vomiting so much in his inn.

As that we're treating into the woods. We won't. Can you repay him for all of the lost business? I think he had ground for a lawsuit and I'd rather avoid that. No, we can't. Goodbye, mister. I can't afford legal things. We can't hear you anymore.

And that's the last you ever seen us, though. Thank God, that's all right. Oh, Jesus. Unbelievable. I never thought we were going to get that guy out of our... All right, so you want to get this tax money? Yeah, I really do. I mean, I feel like we're going to be unimpeded at this point.

The money's on us. We might as well take it. They don't need it anymore. They're dead. All right. That's exactly right. And then we got to figure out where we're going to go. And I'll go to where I remember seeing this box that he had walked up.

Yeah. Some sort of a guard tower or something. It was a tent or something. It was a guy. It was, um, there isn't really a mayor in this town, the clearing, uh, because the mark, uh, the Marquis, uh, rather the viceroy, um, was the leader. But there was basically kind of like the town government building, but you know. And that is assuming that as we're approaching this building, it is just complete and utter chaos

and we feel like we can walk out and beat it. Um, I will say that there is complete and utter chaos. And it seems like the guard presence is, uh, has been, has been lowered. It does seem as if there are a handful of guards left. The collected taxes being very, the mid-level bureaucrats that are still here, they're all, you can hear them like crowding. It's like, oh, maybe we get to finally skimmed a little bit off the top. Oh, oh, finally.

I have to be honest, I wasn't expecting any resistance. I really don't want to have this come to blows over some gold pieces, even if they are rightfully ours. Well, they're rightfully ours. Why don't we take it? I don't feel like I'm certainly not going to murder anybody for some gold. Well, we could just tell them to leave, you know, be real scary, like, what could have been seen? And then if it devolves into a fight, Peggy'll turn them into liquid goo.

Why don't we just tell them that the fire has spread to the building and they may have got to evacuate? I don't know. I just don't want to do anything that's going to cost us to come to fisticuffs, if you will. Oh, what if we don't have to pretend there's a fire and just have Peggy make a fire? Oh, yeah, Peggy make a... Well... I turn to you, my head slowly turns. I'm still wearing the clown mask. The blood is crusted all over my body.

Maybe we don't need fire. Maybe she can just pop in and say hello. Look, again, it's not worth it. It's not worth causing more mayhem and death and destruction over some gold. I mean, we need to get out of here. It's more important. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I certainly just don't want to tussle over some gold pieces.

It's not worth it. Well, I mean, I'm just thinking it, like... It's a lot of hard work. We're kind of broke now. We sort of, you know, spend all our money, thanks to Nestor. I mean, there's always more clearings and there are always more people to trick. I just don't want to get in a fight over gold.

But we've seen enough death today. I could just back it down. Walk it back. Tone it down. Bomb it from like 11 in the fall. What's that town? I don't know if they get me. Mad, just run.

Just to, oh, okay. I thought maybe instead of, you know, massacring them, you meant maybe a dagger and a kneecap or something. I know, that's still like a high seven. Good to know. We're working on the scale here. All right.

Well, I mean, I guess we could put it to a vote. It's usually how we do things around here. Do we want the gold or not? I thought gold, yeah, but also, like, the queen's apiary or something. Is that in this town? Yes, yeah, yeah. There's like a whole honey vault, like, yeah.

Well, the honey's probably. completely unguarded. I mean, they care about the gold, not so much the high salt people leaving the, taking all the honey there was. It could be gone by the time we get back there. Maybe on our way out, we can see if there's any left, you know, in the honey vault. All in favor of- I'm like twitching. All in favor of stealing the money, even if it means murdering these guards, hands up. Just do a quick, yeah!

All right, we've got two. Brumley, what do you, is that I know? Well, I don't want to murder any, by me, by me either. I didn't hear that. I'll go honey on the brain. I think we can do a about murder. So I think we do it. All right, well, that's three against one.

I guess I'll just vote so that way I don't look like the weird one. We're all unanimous. Oh, boy. So where is it? Give me one second. Here, make like a wall so that I can be hidden and have some problems. I'll try to stay in front of Grungley, but he's three times as I am. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon.

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a folk horror tone for Dungeons and Dragons. Dragon's fifth edition. And don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice, miniatures, plushies, a tarot deck, and more. Thank you. You needed some privacy. I shove on my dirty ancient cat tabard, my Marquisot tabard for my past life.

Okay, I'm ready. You can step aside. All right, I'll back you up. Everything, you're gonna be able to handle this? What are you gonna tell them? I'm gonna go order them to go help you. There's chaos. You're just standing here,

guarding a government building? All right, so you're going to tell them that we're changing of the guard, so to speak. No, I'm going to tell them what are they doing? When it's chaos, they should be helped with the fire and try to capture the people leaving a clearing. So you're going to take a commanding route? I'm going to be very angry and hopefully

intimidate them and letting us fruit. All right, well, just know that I'm here and I've got your back every step of the way, and you have inspiration, which is a 1D8. I think shaming them is a really good route to go. Oh, there was a lot of route to go. That's pretty meta. You guards, what are you doing here?

I'm going to walk up. You will see that they're two guards, both rabbits. They snap to attention and they see a dog approaching them. And I would say that just being a dog in this clearing, they just presume that you are from New Felicia. And they will say, oh, we are protecting the government headquarters. I am Sir Grubbley of New Felicia, a high-ranking military official of the Marquisar. And I must ask you, soldiers, what are you doing guard in this building when the palace is on fire?

There are rebels escaping into the woods. Civilians are dying in the streets being cut down by these vigilantes. Yeah! Now we are here under explicit orders from the government of accountant. And who does the government accountant report to? The Viceroy. And we hear that she's dead. Exactly right. She's dead. You know who I report to? The Marquise.

Who? In our passing orders down straight from the Marquise herself. The Marquise de Cot. Oh, that sounds very fancy. And she orders you to leave your posts. Screw what the accountant says. And go help with the chaos. Oh, now.

Make an intimidation check. I like it when grudely doesn't know that is. Oh. It's pretty good. You might as well use it. Even if you fail, you get to keep it. Oh, that's right. Ten minute.

Dimmatation, that's a 24. all look at you and they look back and forth at each other, and they just say, well, you're explaining to the accountant, right? Yeah, don't worry about that. I'll go in there and I'll explain very kindly where you two's went off to. Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. We'll help, we'll help. And then they'll look.

Just don't tell the Marquis. If you don't go now, I might have an inkling of chat. as they scamper off. I can't believe they're going in a cat. And he's someone that I could be convinced to kill, Booker. Well, we can see what happens when we get in there. I'm going to try the door hand. Oh, wait, is there a door?

There's a door, yeah. I'm trying to see the door, see if it's unlocked. Yeah. Okay, I open it up. Yeah, you opening it up and there's, you know that there's a small, little entryway as you hear from down the hall and around the corner, which is in the direction where you had gotten your gold from where clunk. There's the sound of clinking metal and like joyous, almost like, childlike laughter.

That was really well done, by the way. Nice job. You got us in here. Do we have to go past or towards that sound to get to where the strong boxes? To, are you asking me? Yes. I'm asking, I'm out of character, but I just like to stay in the voice. Basically to go down the hall and around the corner is where you know the strong boxes is where the till was. That's where the laughing's coming from. I assume somebody's scoge McDockeing in there. All right, well, I wonder if that's the accountant. You think we can just deal with him and take the money?

Well, let's not kill him immediately, all right? Just hold on there and say, clown posse. You know, I've always wondered, how do magnets work? I thought you invented those. I invented magic, not. magnets. It's imagines. Often it was on the same sort of thing.

They kind of said, the wood just kind of sound similar. You know, magnets, magic. How do they work? All right, I'll lead the way. Oh, I'll give it. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I lead the way towards where I remember the straw bonnet pin. You, you, um, you turn the corner and you see,

that there's no guards in this room as you see the glint of gold as spread out all over this table are just piles and piles of gold. There's the strong box that you had that you had gotten the gold from Clunk is is open and it's still filled to the brim and you see that there is a vault or rather a large heavily padlocked door behind this table and basically screwed McDucking and like counting the coins and throwing them around is a very very spitting them up in the air is a very very well-dressed a button-upped a buttoned up a buttoned up yes a plump-looking a gerbil

but their and laws or not a jerbal as he seems to be about middle-aged, very well dressed, he, he, he, he, finally, he, he. And he's so focused on the gold that he doesn't notice he come in. All right, let's, let me handle this, and we won't kill him unless he poses

any kind of threat or something like that, all right? Let's just, all right. But I have a while I said, and I just put a peggy. Yeah, we'll unleash the monster they eat both begis. That's a pretty cool monster name. Just the monster ate both beggies. Yeah, we'll keep that on our back pocket.

I'm sure we can use that for something. Hey, you! No! As you see as the shrew looks at you and there's, that he's very, that he's wearing like a tie that's too tight around his neck, and he's kind of bulging out of it a little bit, and he looks at you, and his,

eyes are wide and says, how do you get past the guards? We are the gods now. Oh, well, then guard me. From ourselves? Government accountant, Reynolds, tells you to get out of here. That's not going to work, friend. It's a little bit tag. It says Reynolds.

Government accountant. Reynolds, that's your name? Yes. It is. Well, listen here, government accountant, Reynolds. No one gives me any respect, and now that the mark, that the, what the fuck is her name? The viceroy is dead, then Reynolds now is in charge.

It's all of the taxes. The what? All of the, all of the gold. It isn't taxes. That's just, Hmm. Listen here. We're gonna, we've come to take what's ours.

And not anymore, mostly because after we're carrying 5,000 gold pieces, it's going to be hard to carry anything else other than that. But we're going to take those 5,000 gold pieces, and you're not going to stop us because they're rightfully ours. Don't you care about the sanctity of a government bureaucrat's title? I can't. I can't think of a single thing on this planet that I think of was lower than dirt. My note. Don't, don't hurt me, but please don't take my gold. No one gives me any respect, but now they will.

Oh, this is, I just, I just wanted to be respected. Listen, this doesn't have to come down to blood, but if it does, my friend Grumly here will rip you into, Peggy will reduce you to nothing but Adams. That's Peggy. And Hazel will probably chew on your bones because she's this weird glutton. I'm kind of hungry. She's a weird glutton. So this doesn't have to.

to go with this doesn't have to be bad we just want the 5,000 gold pieces and we'll be on my way miss it i mean look how much gold you have there it's really not even fair that you have all that gold and i just want to be clear we're only taking the 5 000 because we can't carry anymore look how much gold i have that's no gold compared to your entire swimming pool of gold well i i don't want to give up the gold well i guess i guess i can i guess i you're right Reynolds doesn't need any of this golden. Rennell never gets any respect. And he starts walking closer to you.

I need to make a dexterity saving through all of you. As he reaches into his pocket and throws sand at you. This is a, oh, this, siretilepsy. Dexterity saving, 30, say? Yep. Oh, no. 20.

Okay, you're able to do. 17. 17, okay, that's enough. Uh, well, no, so we're all within 10 feet, right? Yeah, everyone adds an extra plus four. Oh, then I got a 21. 24. Uh, 19.

22. The sand just flutters, patling down around us, and we don't move. We don't even flinched. Yeah, he chucks it, and you don't even have to move, and you see he throws sand, and then a little climb and it's fall on the ground. Oh, man. What the hell was that? I know, that was not a good decision for you. friend.

Through singing voice, and he just sprits out of the room carrying a handful of gold. All right, fine. He's not worth of trouble. Let him go. Let us just, let's grab as much as much as you can and get the call out of here.

All right, we gotta, we gotta, we gotta get out of Dodge, though. This whole, this whole clear is going to hell. We're morally obligated to take as much as we can physically carry. Yeah, that's exactly right. I'm just, waiting for the god of this world to tell us how much my little raccoon arms can carry.

That whole interaction made me a little bit sad. He was pretty pathetic. Well, you still have plenty of gold to come back to once we're done. Yeah. They just didn't even have to run. I laid a match. Just hold it. Come, Peggy, no.

What are you imploring, Peggy? What are you going to do with that match, Peggy? I'm going to light a fire. No, Peggy. Peggy, no! I know. I didn't have that covered. I'm going to help to get it started here, so he has nothing to come back to.

You try and throw sand in my face when I'm wearing a bloody clown mask. I was going to stick to the house. Really? Then you have the audacity to sing that song when you run past me. Oh, I'll burn my fucking fingers. I gotta light another match. You need one point of fire to do that. I will.

I will. I'm gonna start just filling my pack in my pockets. As much gold as I can. That's reasonable. Yeah, I'll say, I'll say you're easily able to carry amongst you 10,000 gold pieces. You know what, I'm gonna take two points of fire damage

because I'll let the second one burn my finger too. Okay. It's great good view of Peggy. Are we doing, uh, or should I track like, I just let Booker track the money? Oh, that's terrible. I don't wanna be involved with that at all. That sounds like the worst.

Okay. You should hire a Count Reynolds. We're gonna slip in a distance. We officially have 10,000 gold pieces. That's government accounting Reynolds. It's all evenly split amongst all of us. Government accountant Reynolds is joining the rebels. He doesn't.

You don't know where government and accountant Reynolds has gone off to. As it sounds like the bells are, ringing his order is starting to be restored. Oh, God, I'm gonna miss a honey. Fine, fine, we have to get out of here anyway. Let's go past the honey. Let's get to the edge of the clearing. Then we're gonna decide where we're going.

We can't stay here. We gotta find another clearing. I swear, I fall out of this 2,000 gold pieces and I don't get a drop of honey, I'm gonna freak out. I take my help her just to get through the nearest window and just gonna. Yeah, get away. There's like a door right next to it.

Yeah. Let's go. I'll use the door instead and just fog out. You're like bleeding. You're like that. You're like that tip-tok of the pug that gets stuck in the doggie door. The window is actually considerably narrower than you can fit through. Probably, what are you doing?

You're wasting a quick escape. Here, there. There's an old glass shards. I'll try to pull you out. I'm sorry to pull you out. It's in my backclawings. I'm gonna hop around, I'm gonna help Buker when you must have to try to pull Grumley out.

And I go through the door and push it from the other side. In true Winnie the Pooh fashion, which is now come after me, Mouse, you can't do ship. In true Winnie the Pooh fashion, you heave and you pull and you pull and finally with a pop, Grummelie is pulled out of the window. I'm gonna try.

In the abiary and then to the edge of the forest. I'm like dragging you like a little kid at Disney trying to get to the ride. I can't say that. Oh, I'm sorry. Smus me. There's a giant mouse. What are you? The old cat of nine.

Sorry, we're trying here, Mike. They got their hands full. We're fine. They got the attorneys already on the lease. It's fair. Good Lord. Oh my God. Oh no, he owns the tax house.

He's a bloody, he's a bloody bat. Oh my God. Jesus. You don't actually see that. He's saving that for the BP each now, right? We run to the apiary to see if we can salvage any of his honey for poor Hazel. So you make your way to the Queen's Apiary, and so you know that this is a very, or at least it was, heavily fortified. almost like a fortress of garden hedges,

and you had heard lots of buzzing, and you can just smell the honey in the air. As you can tell that's incredibly sweet. Is honey flammable? I don't know. It's made of sugar. It's just thought. I mean, it would caramelize, right?

I was thinking the first thing I thought of was that if there was a lot of fire and smoke in the air, the bees were probably probably. we'll be taking a nap. Oh. That's how they like. You smoke the hives before you go in and harvest the honey.

I love that. I tried to make it less gruesome. Like, all the bees are dead. Honey is not flammable. But it does catch fire easily. Oh, yeah, yeah. Idiot. What a Gula?

Thank you, WikiHau. From Firefighter Insider. Do you guys ever think that, like, trees, they're not that flammable? Like, they catch on fire easy. Whoa. That's pretty crazy. Oh, man. I mean, does that mean that we're not flammable?

Like, does that mean that, like, I do catch on fire easily, but I'm flameproof? There's an old wood shock, and he's smoking something. He's smoking a pipe. And he says, hey, man. You ever notice how honey isn't flammable, but a catch on fire easily? Who are you? Your pump? I hope his name is Tyler.

Is loaf in here with the town in chaos? Yeah, no, my name is Ziler. Scyler. That's a pretty interesting name. But then Alexa answers from Amazon, pure honey is flammable due to having no water content. This is a good way to test if you're a good way to test. buying pure honey or fake honey. I'm gonna go light all our honey on fire.

Don't you die. Isn't that why you need like a candy thermometer? Because if it gets too hot, can't like the whole thing. Well, I don't know because the firefighters are telling me that honey is not technically flammable, but it does catch fire easily. That sounds like a big dumb idiot. He, uh, he, he exhales very deeply and he says, Alexa, this is so sad, play Despacito. They just start singing death.

You see a shrew that come out and say, me, my seat. It's Alexa's the room. It's the weather today. And she runs away. Alexa is honey flammable? We're probably setting off people. Alexa is. Alexa, drain bank account into legends of a ventras bolt.

Alexa, order a 55 gallon drum of water-based lubricant. Or my personal favorite. Alexa, play fart noises. It's actually pretty good. It'd be like a slight pause, and then she's like, that was a wet one. It's really fucking weird. Sorry, Polly.

Do you need anything else? Well, thank you, Alexa. And you make your way up to the apiary, and you see that there are lots of clump, A very large honeybees that through the smoke, as it is wafting through the air, are on the ground and they seem a little drowsy, as it seems to be,

and it had once been heavily guarded with large towers of trees built all around this place. You can hear a very slight buzzing, but it seems as if many of the guards have been drawn elsewhere. Quick, we don't have all the time in the world here. I just kind of tiptoe through the bees. and find my way.

Make a perception check for me. It is a vantage. Uh-oh. It's an eight. An eight? Okay. Yeah. So you actually see that there's a large,

it almost looks like a cartoonish, like yellow hive, and it's dripping with this shimmering orangey, gold honey. It looks like a precious metal, as it's like the, it's like a Winnie the Pooh. You hear,

Ha-ha, what thing? I'm saying. Stop dropping my titles. As it's dripping down like, like from the Winnie the Pooh scene where he gets into the tree and it's just a beautiful treasure trove. And it smells absolutely divine.

Ghaly said it smells divine. Do you have any like vessels to use? Surely you have some sort of a pot that you can put honey in, like a honey pot. Do I want a pot? I don't know. Hazel, what's wrong with your face? You said you're going to like 8 million jars. I would say you have a very, yeah, round plumbers is honey on it. Are there bees in here?

You don't see any bees immediately. Hazel's in the lead here. Yeah, there were some that had been, we'll crawl in a room to sleep delay. I Twitch says Hazel gets $2. You're a hungry girl. Yeah, so I would put a, full out my honey pot from, because I had stolen honey from something else. Yeah.

So my empty pot that I had from that. Because I think I gave the rest of that to Benji. I would take that out. I would take, like, I'd dump out my water sack and, like, prepare to fill that with honey. I'd be, like, getting my pockets ready for honey. Like, anything that I can put honey into. Yeah.

When you leave the apiary, you just be like, Basically, yeah. And as I'm trying to fill this, I would like scoop some in the one for you and one for me. And scoop some and into my mouth and into the pot and into my pocket and into my mouth. Yeah. So you see Hazel dive in and she's scooping up the honey.

And in this strange space, it's kind of a strange echoing, as you can hear the sound moves weirdly, bouncing off of this thick, gooping honey. That is a string, very thick consistency. And you, the three of you can see, it happens in a lightning, in a flash, as a massive stinger descends from above Hazel

and pierces into her back. Whoa! As huge insectoid lags, as a colossal monstrous bee, perhaps the queen, descends guarding her honey as Caisal begins to get carried off any different world for initiative. Fuck! Duhman, as you're gonna take some damage.

Holy shit. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Does Grumley step on a bee? Like, clink down the stage. Grumly, yeah. That's a great question. Does Grumley step on a bee?

So Cromley stepped on a bee. You said about there's probably the smallest B in it's this and it just completely goes through the armor. Thank you for that. I finally rolled like absolute trash. As Hazel, you're gonna do some piercing and poison damage. I'm going to the end.

That's good. What a great question. I just wanted to money. 23 points of damage total, piercing and poison. And they get caught through the saving throw. 23? Yeah. Oh.

My dex is plus zero. 21. Okay, so you were not poisoned. That's good news. Yeah. Thanks. Some combat. Ouch.

Something about this funny. Oh, I think you know the one. What is it? Oh, yeah, why not? Right? Yeah. God of fucking what? Do you know how little that narrows it down?

He knows exactly. Exactly what I mean. Because you're twin, twin brain, strikes again. It's that muse song, basically. Muse song? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about? No, no. I mean, we really don't.

Still don't. It's pretty intense. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Not me. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Fifty and 20? I got a 15. Okay.

Um, so 14 is Peggy. Yeah. Then Booker, then Grumway. And then we're going to see where the queen bee goes. She goes. Okay. She's enemy two, why not? As...

Or should we do minis or theater of the moon? Let's a theater of the mind. Let's a theater of the mind for this. As there's a huge bee that is bigger than any of the insects, the gigantic insects that you've seen in the woodland. As it carries Hazel off into this hive, it's filled with a network of honeycombs. As she's doing that, Hazel, you go first, though, however.

Oh, my God. So I am in the air. You're in the air being carried off by this monstrous bee, these huge mandibles and spikes are all over at. Am I, like, stabbed through, or do you just stab me and pick me up? Like, am I restrained? Like, what? Or am I, you're grappled.

You're grappled. Grappled. Okay. I would take my, uh, scout stick and presumably I'm underneath of it, but I would jam it up into the belly of the big. Okay. Wolf for attack.

Wait, 16. 16 hits. 12. 12 points of damage. As you stab in and it cracks through the kite in this armor and spills bug guts and lets out this angry buzzing. As you see that this thing has six or three pairs of wings and it's buzzing violently.

It's covered in spikes. Help me! And you actually get graced, you stab up, one of its spiked armor pierces you for four points of piercing damage. Nice. Fuck. Oh, and with that, it is going,

you see as it's flying, carrying Hazel away like prey, it is going to look down at the three of you and you see honey well up in its mandibles and it bursts all down towards you. I need you all to make a, a Dixarity saving throw. Trying to dodge a honey glob. Add four.

I crushed it. 20. I got a 26. 18. 18, you all crush it as you are not restrained and blinded. Oh, shit. Thank God. As you are not in case in honeies,

you're all able to dodge out of the way. It's almost like a tidal wave of honey that bursts and erupts around this. Okay, that is her turn. Peggy, you're up. Oh shit. I thought that was a layer action. Okay, what can I do? I'm going to...

I'm going to... I'm going to... I am going to... Acid splash this pia. I'm going to reach into my pouch, and I'm going to pull out some disgusting, popping, like, acidy swamp water, and I'm just going to chuck it. I thought it was from here. Oh, yeah, my Super Crow.

Oh, yeah, my Super Crow. I pull out of my bag, I pop on this little tube of the vial, and I pump my super croaker and I spray her in the face with it. Supercroft. Oh, thank you for the twisted drag! Thank you, thank you. Happy new. Oh!

Oh! And it's a dexterity saving throw. Natural one. That's pretty good. Six plus four, so ten points of acidity. Ten points. damage. Okay.

As Peggy pumps and pumps and pumps and pumps and then as it flies up, it hits her shell and her armor rather as it singes away. And you see this flesh underneath. With that, it is Booker's turn. I'm going to see that my good friend, Hazel, is in trouble. And I'm going to sing a little tune for her. because I'm worried that she's going to be toastier. I am.

You get a line and I got a pole, honey. You got a line and I got a pole. You got a line and I got a pole. We'll go down to the crawled at all. Honey, sugar, baby, mine. And I'm going to use Healing Word, a third blood hole for 3D4 plus 5 healing. I love that. That's amazing.

I get it out. Not great. That's going to be a lot. 11 points of healing. That's, I mean, where I'm at, I will take it. You hear this and you feel very inspired and it's very sweet and you feel like you can hold on longer. As hit points, not represent just your physical health,

it represents a common totality of your mental, physical, and all other attributes. Well, thank you for that. Is this in the DMG? Wow. Okay, wonderful. On page 245. Yeah, thank you. And that's my all turn.

Okay. With that, I believe it is a grumly star. How far away is this B? Far enough that you can attempt to... The one that you stepped on? No, no, the big one. I would say you could probably attempt to make a jump at it to get to it.

Is this holding hazel? Yes. It's carrying it off to a large layer. Is it within 60 feet? Yes. Aye, you big B, drop! And I'm going to use command. And it needs to make a wisdom saving pro, 15. Okay, I would say that you're able to do that, but how are you going to justify it in this world?

I, well, basically yelling at it and startling it so much as I bark drop might startle it, or if I need to do something physical, I guess I would like, I don't know, if I could like jump and grab the stinger and like shake it. I would say you leap forward into the air, 60 feet, you've never seen such dexterity from Grumley before. As he grabs on and just how, this is a massive bee,

but Grumly is a chunky boy. And suddenly, rolling a natural three, this bee is trying to shake Grumly and spins around and you see as it's too much weight and you all collapse to the ground as the bee crashes down. I need you both to make dexterity saving throws. Oh no, you can add four.

11. DC's 15. So you're gonna take half of this. Half of 14 points of bludgeoning damage. And if you failed, if you failed, you're on to, the queen bee is on top of you. Oh, and you're gonna take additional peering damage. So she failed?

Yeah, she did. She failed, but six points piercing damage. Me? Yeah. Oh, got stepped on by a bee. With that, Hazel, you've been released from this bee as it is full and it's on the ground thanks to Grumley's weight. What was the, it was seven points, half a 14?

Yeah. It made me be. I wish I could flee. Okay, so it's on the ground, we're on the ground. Um. There's honey all around. Oh, show me my actions. What's it doing?

Brozed. Oh, is it? Dagnet. You could whack it with your stick. It's really comfy at me right now. Okay. I am going to take steady aim at this bee that has just hurt me. and I am going to, that's a bonus action,

and then I'm going to whack it with my scout stick. Okay. So that will give me advantage. Natural 20. Oh, God, sneak attack damage. That's huge. Oh, baby. That's freaking massive.

Okay, so that's 1d8 and an extra 3B6. Do I double the 3D6? Double all of that. Double all the 6. and 6D6. Jesus. Plus five? Can I have two D6? Yeah.

Yeah. She only got stepped on by a queasy. He just came on there. Wow. 18. Smack. Jesus. 24.

29. 36. That's pretty massive. Plus five. 41. 41. 41. damage.

You walk over to it, and it's on top of grumb... It stepped on a pug. I stepped on a pug. It collapses on top of grumbly. Her spikes impaling your friend, and you run up. It's a weak spot like a boss, a video game boss, exposed. It's flashing red, the angry honeybee. It's like all in the ring, there's like orange...

coming out of the week's spot. Yeah, and you stab into it and it explodes into this, this icker. It's looking very rough. It's cracks or spreading all over its shell as it's buzzing angrily at you. Peggy, you're up. Oh, I thought it was the enemy's turn.

Oh, it is the enemy's turn. You're right. With that, it's going to use its, it's going to get up. Wait, is commanded, does it want you to do anything? How does that work? Let me see how it lasts. Technically it does all of that on its turn. Okay, so yeah, whatever.

So yeah, basically it passes its turn. Okay, it's going to get up, and it is going to angrily take its stinger and stab towards Hazel, who it's just stabbed it. 22 to hit. I'm going to use my reaction and cast silvery barbs. I'm going to open my mouth

and you're going to see King George fly out as I stare at this bee, one B flying out of the mouth of a frog. And as my eyes go lopsided, I'm going to stick my tongue out and pull King George back into my mouth and say, you could be next.

And that distracts them long enough that they must re-roll the D20 and use a lower roll. Yep. Does it still a lot? It does not. I then choose a different creature I can see within range. The chosen creature is advantage on their next attack role.

Ability check her saving throw makes within one minute. And that is gonna be Booker. Oh boy. All right. And with that, the stinger is going to miss as she's very distracted. She's going, she stabs into the ground, and with that, she's going to attempt to grab grumly with her claws

and carry him away. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Natural 20. I made it in New Christmas State. Um, well, I also have silver-barred. Do it.

Do it! I'm gonna use my reaction because of the silver-re-bar as I'm still playing my instrument. Ah, excuse me, sorry, I'm a little nervous. Me-Me-me-me-me-me. Get a my girl you'll sleep too late, honey Honey Get up my girl you slept too late, babe

Babe Get a my girl you slept too late The crawled dead man don't pass your gate Honey Sugar, baby mine And I will cast silvery barbs So they will have to They'll have to re-roll the D20

and use the lower roll That's natural one. I'm using a twisted dread. All right, that's totally bad. I know that face. It's natural four. I love that. What's the plus in Marty?

Twelve. No. Close, buddy. Close. Okay. And you get to choose. someone to give the advantage thing to. I was going to give you inspiration anyway.

You could give it to Grumley. All right. I'll give it to Grombley. He goes after me. That was so nice. Peggy, you're up. Perfect. It misses, and I guess it's still angrily trying to defend it's honey. So I'm going to pump my Super Croker.

I didn't see that. I didn't see that. I'm going to pump my Super Croker. And I'm gonna acid splash it in the face. Okay. Dexterity saved. 14. Misses. Fails.

10 points. 10 points. As it's another blast of acid hits it, and it's looking rough. As you are just burst after burst of the super croaker. With Ed is Booker's turn. I'm still wine. Okay. What you're gonna do when the leg runs drive?

Baby. What you're gonna do when the lake runs dry? Babe. What you're gonna do when the lake runs dry? Sit on the bank and watch the crawdads die. Oh, do you, shugger, baby, mine. And I'm gonna cast dissonant whispers at a second level. Honey.

So I need a wisdom-saving-ho from this queen. Okay, natural fly. It fails. There's no way. I love this. I love having an instrument. They're gonna take nine, 15 points of damage. I'm gonna do this. If the beat, well, if the beat could understand my banjo playing,

they would become with an overwhelming sense of grief knowing that their only source of livelihood, the Crawdad hole has dried up and all the Crawdads have died and it causes them such anguish that they too just died. You see a look of existential horror wash over the queen bee as she looks around and sees the honey and she's scooping up. And you see the bee that Grummey has stepped on. As she scoops it up in her claws, her horrible, faceted eyes looking at her crushed bee

and all of the sleeping bees and her honey, completely unguarded now, absolute pandemonium. And it reminds her of a song about crawdedds, and the dead crawdads is a symbology for all of her dead hive. And the horror and heartbreak from such a terrible realization, from the onslaught that you've done to her, you just see the sad, you hear a sad buzz and then just claps on the ground and dies. I can't believe that worked.

That was really beautiful. Ah. Well, it's got to be kind of depression at the end of him. Well, that's kind of life in the new one, right? It's a little depressing at the end. Yeah, I guess that's true. Are you all right? Is everyone all right? Oh. I got a lot of blood mixing into this honey, but it still tastes really good.

Oh, oh, Hazel. Ah. Now I'll just have two stabs in me liver. Oh, God. All right, everybody just... Well, you know, at least you've got two livers, so... That's true. Oh, I do? Yeah, so we could just take that one out completely, and you would be fine running on the second liver.

Oh, well, you know how to do that surgery? Sure. Oh, well, yeah, let's do it. I will, while they're having this conversation, I will continue to play a little tune just to keep things going and cast a mass healing word at a third one. Oh, God. You all feel very inspired and you steal yourselves.

Nine points of healing for everyone. everybody in the room. Oh my God. I needed it. I too needed it. I just, I'm stuck nine points. Queen bee dies and all of the century bees and soldier bees that were coming to its aid have also thought about the crawdad hole drying up and how pointless this apier is now,

but there is no queen bee. How can there be Queen Honey? Perhaps the entire supply, perhaps all of the entire economy of ClickCluck Crossing, perhaps may go down. You don't know. Who's to say? As they all fly away and you're able to gather as much honey, a little bit of blood and gore mixed in there.

A covered, like, head to toe in honey at this point. I just slathered my entire self in it. And I read, I am you queen now? And I'm just like on a sugar high from how much honey I've eaten. Oh, my God, I was going to ask you if this was all worth it, but it appears that it has been. We almost died for this, honey. Honey has that day, my crue.

He's all ever a question for you. Yeah. Have you ever eaten the bleemis off of a pudding? My sheer odds, I guess, probably, but I don't know that I can recall. You know when you leave your pudding out for an hour or so without refrigeration? Oh, no, you probably would.

You know when someone else leaves the pudding out for an hour or so without refrigeration and then you find it, and it's got that skin. on top of it, that's called the blemiss. Booker vomits. Booker actually just vomits. After all the days activities catch up,

I'm hearing the word bleemus and being described by Peggy, Booker vomits. And it's not Nestor's cooking. No, no, it's just the stress of the day and hearing about the blemess. Have you eaten that before? Yeah, for sure. Do you like the way it tastes?

I wouldn't kick it out of bed. All right. That's all. I was just curious. Do you have any pudding? No. I could get naked, though. I won't stop you.

We really need to be getting going. Did you get any of honey? Did you try it? No, I don't want any more. I don't want any more honey ever again. I finished just filling anything that I can find. Yeah, you're, you're, you're. You feel everything is sticky.

Stuff to the gild line. Yeah, your cheeks are just filled. Out there. Yeah. It's one of those things, how honey is so hard to wash off. It's like, it's gonna be in your fur for weeks. I hope to be just like fully encased,

like a drastic part of mosquito, instead of amber, it's just honey. Yeah, it's like tall when she has that like armor suit, except it's hazel and honey. Yes, that's what I would like to fill a jar with honey and keep it up in person. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna like lean down and like try to

lick it, but I'm actually gonna get my snout in it. And then just like for the next three hours, I'm just gonna be like, just trying to get off my time. It's just so sticky, I just can't get it. I'm just like, that's really, oh, I can't get it all. Oh, this is so unpleasant. The best thing about honey is it just sticks around for you.

So whenever you did eventually. You know what's also really great about us taking this honey is it's probably going to be worth more than gold soon. When the economy collapses. Well, I was thinking more along the lines of while the Queen Bee was alive, she could continue to produce the Queen's honey. But now that she's dead, what's here is all that's remaining. Oh, God.

A finite supply. Yes. And huge demand. What have we done? So that means that we are going to have quite the fortune on our hands eventually. Well, this is unfortunate. I don't know why this went this way. I didn't even...

A finite... I can't ration this. You're gonna have to, you don't have a choice. I can't do it! I've already eaten, like, more than I should have! Your eyes are really bloodshot. I'm like, my pupils are like this big. It's extremely dialing. Your feet are swollen.

No, go. I'm feeling. Maybe they'll fall a new queen? Is that how bees work? Maybe. I don't know. I can't say that I've ever. That's true. That's true. But this bee could have had a specific type of, how do bees make honey? Is it like the pee or something?

I think it's vomit. I've never really thought about it. Yeah, but what if this particular queen was the only one that vomited this sweet of honey? And so even if they find a new queen to make more honey, it won't ever taste like this will. This is simultaneously the best end worst day of my life. I mean, I guess a relatively unceremonious murder of this majestic ancient creature. Oh, how are you feeling you stepped on a bee? Oh, I did. Well, yeah, and then I got stepped on by a bee.

But Booker sang to me, and it was very nice until... I mean, it was sort of like a... You know how sometimes being sad is kind of nice too? Anyway, I feel a little rejuvenated from the... from, you know, the old banjo. Glad I could help, I guess. We really need to get moving. Save that honey. Don't eat it all in one go.

Do the best you can, and we've got to get out of here. I'm just like licking random parts of me that have honey on it. So what's our plan? Where are we going to go now? The city's burning behind us. We've stolen all of the gold. We've destroyed the queen bee that made their honey. We've killed the leader, and we've started a revolution

that's now heading out into the forest, to completely destroy all life within. So what are we going to do? Is there like a fun place we can go gamble or something? Well, this really went pear-shaped. Yeah, I'm out of you. Can't you say it all together like that? They wanted us to go to sticker brush with the south.

So I say to you as north as possible. We gave all of those rabbit children a drunk duck father. So that's a lot of damage. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I mean, they wanted us to go to sticker brush, but I don't necessarily want to get wrapped up in that. So where did we go next?

Oh, and we gave them a weapon of mass destruction, a gigantic bear. Yeah, well, we definitely couldn't have killed the bear even if we wanted to. That's true. That's kind of the best serenaria, I suppose. The only thing I'm worried about is that eventually, Inspector Jarvis is going to have our faces on posters in every clearing controlled by the Marquis-on. Well, maybe we can go somewhere that doesn't have that. Well, why don't we go to those clearings first and put up posters with his face on it?

Got him Why, I don't know And start that before I don't know Wow, you really are smart No wonder you invented magic Oh, we can blame The Viceroy's death on him

We could, yeah He turns eyes and murdered her And then Marcus Rup will be like Maybe I'm next We better kill him I mean, that's not a terrible plan I don't know how many people Would actually believe it

But it would certainly sow some more discord as we walked around. And as we now realize, we really enjoyed you in that. Yeah. We are the agents of chaos. You know, it does kind of seem that way. We could call ourselves that.

Call ourselves what? The agents of chaos. It's not very pleasant. Kai, who are you? My name's Peggy, and I'm an agent of chaos. I prefer the foggy bottom band or whatever we were. That's a long time ago, Grum.

It was a long time ago. Well, I'm a froggy bottomed. He sure are. I know. You want to see it? If you would just put your clothes back on. No. We've all seen it plenty of times, baby.

You can put my clothes back on. You never do. She's got a point. I don't know, I'd argue that one. Never thought of it that way. Let's pull out of the map here. You're all right. So, we really shouldn't go over to New Felicia.

It sounds like the worst possible idea. We might get recognized. We're becoming infamous, you know. That's pretty cool when you think about it. We could go down in Newkington. I swear I'm from. You could go home, but it is controlled by. I guess everything's controlled by.

Markies. So we got to Rob A Bearer Falls. He gets far away as possible from Nestor and all the rest of the crazy looms. I mean, that girl, Ginger, really wanted us to go to sticker brush. I just, I don't know if that's what we want to get roped up in. I mean, it might not be a bad idea at least to lay low for a little bit, you know, let the whole Inspector Jarvis thing kind of blow over. And it might be a good idea to start doing some recon to see what's going on with the woodland.

alliance because I was thinking initially like you know these they're taxing people they're stealing innocence and killing people so obviously like nothing good's going on here but then they're talking about burning down all of the forest you know so

there's something nefarious going on with them too and the only way to find that out is to go to their home burn it to the ground and take no prisoners um well I don't know if we've to go that far right is there any option Well, we don't have to burn something down.

Yeah, we could just go and ask questions. Oh, that sounds fine. We could start a call. I know that Bitsy would really like that. Bitsy would like that. We have a couple options. I mean, if we want to start heading south, we could go to Nukington and, you know,

maybe see Hazel's family. Has it been a long time since you've been home? I probably know in character how long, since we've been traveling together for a year, I probably do too. I don't know that. Oh, wow, that's a, that's a determining amount of time. I probably have not been home in, in, oh, I don't know.

How long, I don't know, how long have been, I would say it's been called, like days. Like, maybe, probably a couple months. Yeah. A couple months. I haven't been home in a while. We could go see my family. I've told him to, you know, rise up and head to the forest,

forest or don't. I mean, we don't want to put them in danger, right? No. As long as you don't think that this would cause them any harm. There's like so many of them, they're practically a little army in their own, right? So I do have one question, and correct me if I'm crazy, and this is just totally out of him. But do we know if the others operate in this clearing?

Sorry to bring that up if it's a sentence subject. You do. You saw Riverboat Company Outpost and right on the River. In Click-Clok? In Click-Ock, yeah. In Click-Ock. Yeah. So, theoretically, if I'll take a look at this map,

did I have conveniently, we could, you know, take a barge down, and you said you wanted to gamble. Maybe we could stop by the casino or on a way through Bucket Creek, and then we're right by a sticker brush. It might be the fastest, most direct route as well, and the safest, perhaps. I don't have to go through the woods.

Yeah. I mean, we have a little money to burn now. We can certainly afford it. And we can swing by Peggy's old workshop. Oh, yeah. Do you have any interest in that? Burn that place to the ground. Oh.

You're really in a burning mood. You invented magic, probably. It was one of my first uses of fireball. Do you have like a pocket watchman on the inside? You carved a date that you burn it down and just always remember, you know? Like, oh, this was the day I invented. Magic. I lost my left nipple that day.

Oh, that is serious. Holy crap. Do frogs even have- Oh, yeah. I have a watch right here. It says last Thursday. Never forget last Thursday. I got this from Bigglockers.

They don't have none of that's gone. Stationary of all the names of Warren Bincey. It's pretty good. All right, my vote is taking a boat. Unless you really want to see your family, I just think, you know, maybe not mixing them up and all this might be better off. That's fair. And if I go home, they're going to want some of this honey. And my little brothers and sisters, I always want the honey.

We should just kill them. Well, I just didn't want to have to share it. We don't have to kill them. We just don't have to give them any of the honey there. They're just really, you know, gluttons is what they are. We should kill them. It's really a terrible trait that I've tried to. to guide them out of...

It's true. And the only thing to do about a glutton is to kill it. You're really scared me. The punishment for gluttony is death. Oh, that seems severe. It's an unfortunate thing. Yeah, we should go to Nookington and kill Hazel's family. I don't want to go.

I want to go. We're not going to go kill anyone's family. I think they moved, actually. We're just going to take the boat as far south as we can go. You know, to be fair, I don't even know if the otters would take us. We will be crossing through different faction territories, you know, and then ultimately they may not even take us into sticker burst, but if they take us as far as we can get, then that's good enough for me.

You're nice because we know they're pretty neutral, right? So like if we ever get... And you know, I don't know all the otters, but... You know, like, how they'll help right? Are they going to make us eat those disgusting clam sandwiches again? Oh, those are the best pie. That's the whole reason we talk to the otters. I kind of like those.

I'm pretty sure the clam sandwich. I had had old clams in it. Well, you know, I had a pretty good clams to Rubin once. I mean, I don't know. He's fine. A clam and cheese sandwich was what I had. Oh.

Oh, that sounds a little gross. Yeah, I don't think that's, that's like a more like a prank sandwich. I don't think they actually served it. That's like when you go and they say, oh, it's the local specialty. They just give it to tourists because it's cheap. Yeah, exactly.

It wasn't cheap at all. It was really expensive. Well, you know, I just me cheap to make. It's like a massive upcharge. Yeah, it's like you freeze pineapple, and you whip it up a lot, and you put it in a cup, and it's basically like free.

You know, the worst part about it it was supposed to come with... What are you fucking saying? The worst part about it was that it was supposed to come with a side of French flies, but none of them even said, Wee, Wee.

That's a travis. I'm pretty sure they were American fries, and all they were crying out for, was freedom. We have a lot of French flies up in New Felicia. They're also talking about we. It's kind of weird. There are at least 286 flies in the world at any given time, and I guarantee you not

a single one of them, at least in where the Otis are, is a French one. I mean, Hazel could go through 286 French flies in like two seconds. That's true. It's like, what do you have one? You really, we can't just have one. They'd be extinct. Once you pop, you just can't stop. Yay!

You're gonna pull them out, Rich. He's like, just shut up. So as you think about your options, Oh, jeez. You, sticker brush is an option. You just were talking about Muckbed Creek and Wirtwallow. You know that rye barrel falls. There's a lot of work needed,

as well as Reckanoiter Ridge. If you wanted to lay low and try to get a job and earn some coins, and you know that Grisselpaul is the most remote area, a lot of underground places to hide literally, and not nearly as heavily patrolled as it is basically the frontier of the dimwood. You know, the Nookington obviously has Hazel family,

definitely more heavily patrolled, but there is a bit of an underground in the figurative sense of a smuggling black market situation that run through Nookington. 10. And then you know that that Mockbed Creek is effectively, it is ruled by the Erie, but the, given how much capital is brought in by the Otters, the Riverfolk Company, the Erie basically gives them free rein and helps kind of back up their muscle as those options. So what do we think?

No, Booker. What do you think? Well, again, I mean, either way, they've taken the the river is going to be the easiest, the fastest, and probably the safest. I don't mind going to check out what's going on down and stick a brush, but, you know, if we go down there, there may not be any turning back. We don't know what we're going to get roped into. I don't know how dangerous what wallow is. Well, that's where Peggy's from.

I mean, the clearing itself should be perfectly safe, provided there's not, you know, some horrible unrest that's happening, you know. I just want to get us far away. from here as we possibly can. Which direction did the, did they flee? They were heading south-west, towards the direction of where

Benji and the sky was. So they were in the woods here. Yeah. Okay, okay. And then they were gonna- They'll probably find their way down here somehow. Okay. Why would they go straight down? Yeah, I don't have any

interest to just going through the woods. So, I mean, I kind of like the idea of do we lay low and grizzlepole and just, you know, see what holds what, you know, what we can find there, or just do we go to stick a brush and, you know, and just totally get away from any kind of Marquis-Arque force. I feel like, as much as I would enjoy going to Grizzlepaw, it's only a matter of time before we probably found out. I think we've got to get out of Marquis-out territory as fast as possible. Let's go south then.

All right, let's talk to the Aros and see if they'll even take us. That's a good point. They might just say, hop on, we're going, where are we going? All right, well, I'll let you do the talking. I think I saw, you know, had an outpost right down that way, so. All right, we'll go check it up. We'll go check it out. You make your way through the town.

Order is starting to be restored. Whatever kind of looting and all of the members of the Woodland Alliance have made their way into the woods. And order has been almost, mostly restored, although there's much of the town that's, much of the clearing that's still on fire, and there are still some roving bands of looters and people taking advantage of the opportunity. You arrive at a large building on the river with many docks and many boats tied up, and you see, you hear, there's several long lines as it says, new prices.

New prices. Fleeing Crossing, question mark. New special rate 500 gold pieces. Oh, Marie. Well, it's not...

We can afford it down. What's on a gold we got? That doesn't mean we should pay it. It's not to be unexpected. They're enterprising people, all right? They have an opportunity to make The money, they're going to do it. We have the money and we're going to give it.

Oh, money, self-respecting business person haggles. Well, we'll see what we can do. We'll see what we can do, all right. But you have to understand. There's a lot of demand here, all right? Not a lot of supply. We need to get out of here first. Yeah, we'll tell them that we're not fleeing.

Maybe they won't think, you know, if we're fleeing, then it's like we're desperate. But if we're just like going on a trip, um, casually and not in a big hurry. Do you want to be rounded up and hanged? I will I already We are a little desperate I'll do what we can double see what we can do

If you need to know it All right Okay I think I'm just The honey's wearing off And I'm getting a little cranky But you're plenty more Just keep eating

Oh, I'm harassing it If you don't eat it all Before we get to Nokington then your brothers and sisters are going to eat it before they're slaughtered No, we're not going to Oh Are they got to be slaughtered?

Never mind then. Jesus, Peggy! What'd you say that? That's an interesting deity to worship. Mike, what are the gods? Well, you know that there is a mysterious cult that worships a dragon god, a great dragon. We know deer. You know that there's some mystical deer, and you can probably have a great bear in the sky.

Sure, why not? I imagine the cats worship some sort of... you know, God. I've been referencing God since day one. Yeah. There's some sort of, yeah. I imagine a tree. Just a pantheon.

There's gods. Oh, my gods, you know, all that stuff. I try to find someone who looks like never in charge. Yeah, there's several lines. There's supplies. It's all crazy marked up. I cut the lines. Excuse me, excuse me, coming through.

We got a very important business. Get out our way. We're coming through. Look out. And you see that there's an otter standing. And he greets you with a smile. and he says, welcome to the Riverfoke Company.

We have special death of the Vice Roy Rates. Incredible. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh, well, okay. Oh, did you do that? No, no, no. We're not taking credit for anything like yet yet.

We did that. We poisoned them. Oh, my God. Yep. Business is booming, so I appreciate it. You're welcome. Could we get a discount? Well, no, business is booming because I'm just in a price.

We killed her, so. But be a shame if someone would unkill her. Oh, my God. And I give a menacing stare. Getting out of hand very quickly. Should that book and do the talking. Too late. I'm done. Good luck. You know what? I can't endorse any kind of

assassination. I am not. We are entirely apolitical. We are entirely neutral. So if you are with the Woodman Alliance, we're not. Then I... But with your worst,

nightmares. We're known as the agents of chaos. No, so he's the thing. He's the thing. He's the thing. We've had a lot of honey. I haven't had a single bite of honey.

The sugar's getting into the heads. And we're... I stick my finger and covered honey in your mouth. Simple vagabones looking for an ex-clearing. Do you see my clothes covered in blood? It's not mine. Tell them, Booker. I don't think this is mine.

This raccoon knows so many others. We're even... I couldn't even... I couldn't even... Count how many orders he knows. We're heading to No, we're heading to No, what we're going to. The river doesn't go there. I don't know if you know where the river goes.

You got, we're going to Wallow and in the Mockbe Creek. Oh, we're going to kill my family. Oh, you're going all the way to Muckbilt. Well, that'll be a thousand gold. It means it's each clearing. What in the hell? Per each? Yeah.

Per person? So that'll be five thousand gold pieces. Because there's a mouse right there, too. Oh. What's your name? It's none of your business. They didn't have... What the fuck?

You actually unironically shop at Big Cluckers General Store? That's pathetic. That's what I said. So you weren't the fairy service or not? It would be a shame if your fairy service was filled with a stinking cloud of horrible stench that made it so no matter how desperate someone was, they would be unwilling. to ride on your vessel. That's true. Can't be worse than the smell of clams.

Oh. Try me. Are you trying to extort money out of me? Are you trying to extort money out of the riverfoam company? Why is it working? I'm just simply saying she wasn't there. Help me. Can you give us a second, please?

I collect everyone. What? What's going on? So, look, here's the thing. What's the play? You're starting to look like he might be getting intimidated if we were to roll for it. Yeah. When I used to work for the Marquis-on.

Yeah. How long ago was that? We, I don't know, a couple years. And you were fired, right? Dishonably discharged, fired, you know, a little different. Yeah. We would do clean-up sometimes about like, you know, we'd go to a warehouse. And it was, you know, some, you know, some things.

you know, some folks to cross the river folk company. Yeah. They won't hesitate to cut our frocks in an instant. Grumley, so you're saying that the strategy of threatening the mob is not a good one. Oh. No, I thought it was going great. I thought it was going fair. I was going to let it see how this plan out.

Yeah. It's not the mob that just orders. Are they the mob? He's the thing. You let me just talk like me. An order is never justice. an honor. All right? They can be roofless. And again, this is just in my experience. Have you ever seen an honor? They're like, they roll around on the back and they smack rocks together.

Let's show you. They're like really cute. They're like super cute. So here's the thing. They don't even stick. You didn't say that. They don't even just stick to the river. Sometimes they, they kind of go out into the clearings and try to sell their goods. And, and, and, and they should stick to the rivers like they're used to. They shouldn't go chasing waterfalls. What is that mean? Oh, Barbara Falls? No, they should stick to the rivers and the lakes

like they're used to. Don't go chasing waterfalls. I don't understand what it means, but anyway, the point is, it's all book is saying. We shouldn't be threatening the mob! I don't even know what a mob is. They're very violent, evil people. They eat clam sandwiches and they write

right around the fucking people. What have we been doing for the past, 24 rabbits. Do you not see this frantic look in my eyes? I went from being a magically creating frog to a wanton woman of death and destruction, all right? Do you stop the clown mask? Yeah. It's like everything slightly muckled. Yeah. Peggy's actually got a good point. I think we might be a mob. I'm lacking here. I'm loosing it. So anyway, why don't we? How many people do you need to be a mob?

Why don't we stay? Are we a mob? They were five of us. about organized. Six of us. You're an agent of chaos. They're more about organized crime. I would say we're anything other than organized. All right, but what I'm going to tell you is organized crime can be deduced. It can be subsed out. There's organization to it. Chaos. You can't plan for it. Chaos comes out of nowhere. Chaos cannot be prepared against. That's all very good points. I am shaking. I just need to get out of here. So why don't we, hold on we just, just, like a little picnic.

Everybody but Booker, why don't we all split this sandwich? And I call this. Are you saying you, are you saying? The bread is like super smushed like something I like pressed on it. It's like a muffled out of the worst kind. Are you saying you want us to have a teddy bear's picnic while Booker goes and talks to those honors?

I never specify what Booker was going to do, but I only have enough sandwich for the four of us. Oh, did no sandwich. So we can... Booker, we're gonna... Wait, are there four or five of us? Because I can't count anymore. Well, there are five of us total, but I can only split it four ways because I can only cut us to cut the sandwich.

Oh, that's so sad. In quarters. Booker can't talk, stay. And Bidsey doesn't want any. She told me. Oh, I never said, no. I've been talking this all time. You and I've been listening.

Would you like a bite of... Would you like a quarter of my armor crease sandwich? Ew. What? Yeah, sure. That's a low even for me. You've had words. Is it like gas station egg salad?

Yes. One can only help. He's exactly longest. Oh, is that a cracker? Oh, it's a tomato. Did you get that sandwich from Mr. Cluckers? Um, I've had a long four big cluckus. How long is big cluckers related to the chain big cluckers, shuckers and muckers?

Where does muck this lambs? Aren't they partially owned by the Riverfolk Company? I'm not sure if there's any relations. But anyway, just take this piece of sandwich. Here you go when I pass out the sandwich. Why is the meat green? Towards the otter. I will, I'll walk over to the otter.

I'm very sorry about all that. Let's start for the very beginning. My name is Booker, and we're looking for safe travels. Well, my friend. Could he hear all of that? I mean, just for the fun of it. He's very clearly even watching you this whole time. You look over and he's like playing with a rock.

Aw. I love that. He lays on his back on. He punches a clam with the stone on his tummy. And he loves and he says, White's a piece. State passage, thousand gold pieces of a person. Very fair price.

All right, all right. Given the circumstances. Look, I- Or, you know, we can drop you off at Ward Wallow and you can find your own passage south after that. I understand. Fair prices, fair prices, but what if we could help you out along the way? Maybe do a little mutually exclusive, mutually beneficial thing. You cut half off the price.

Maybe we carry some goods for you along the way. Certainly you must have something that must need smuggled, ferried, huh? Delivered? Sound? You look? He looks at all of you, hear it listening. You all are vagabonds, right? That's one word for it, I suppose.

I mean, usually if I see someone as dirty as you guys, that usually means it's a vagabond. Oh, dirty's a little far. It's more like we're covered in the dust of experience. I would go as far as to say, filthy. Yeah, no, that's what I would say. I would go that far and a little bit more. You look in a smungle?

What are you trying to, you're trying to get made? You're trying to get a little piece of the, little piece of the clam. We'll help you out if you shave off half the price. I take the sandwich piece that Grimley gave me and shove the whole thing in my mouth, so my cheek like puffs out really big. There's a lot of them for smuggling in here.

I'll hand you my sandwich so you can make it even bigger. I'll shove it in that cheek. I'm just gonna siphon for lighter. You know what we gotta go? Certainly, there must be some delivery we can do for you. I think any looks. you all are crazy she's especially crazy

I kind of like it what's your name sweetheart my name's Peggy and I'm single she says from behind the cloud mask you want me to take my clothes off so you can see what I'm packing I'm gonna leave the mask on though am I gonna learn while they call you Peggy this metronome is just one

extreme to the other Jesus You know, for you're not sure, we've learned that this was a socially acceptable thing to do on a regular basis. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Well, to be, to be fair, I mean, you know. It's basically it's going to be of freedom.

I kind of respect it. I'm just thinking it's a wrong thing. It's what I always say. They can put my clothes back on. They never do. Right. Okay. I know a guy who I think, uh,

I think I might have a job for you if you want half off. Useful. Perhaps if we get all the way to muck bed, then maybe we introduce you to the Don. You do a good job for us, perhaps kiss a ring or two. If you say that you took care of the viceroy, she's been a thorn in his side for quite a while. Yeah, no problem. Look, this is our first time talking to the Otters. We've done a little work before, or we'll do it again?

You've worked for the Otters before. Who do you want for? I know a lot of guys down there. Gino. There was a guy named Vinnie. Vinny? Oh, yeah, no, I know Vinny. It's been a long time. He's unhinged.

They probably wish that we didn't meet at one point, but, you know, look, it's not my first time. Talking to the Otters, dealing with the Otters. We've done a little bit of this before, all right? That's all I'm saying. We're happy to do it. Okay. But we need priority out of here and half off. Priority? I can do that. It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Scampi.

I really like that name. Thank you. You're welcome. Maybe one day you'll learn why they call me Scampi. Well, you figured out why they called me Peggy, and I'm going to slowly put my clothes back on. Okay. You have a deal. And you see as he goes underneath the counter. and he, you see him pull out this strange, like, almost like a sharp object. It's very knife-like, but it's flat at the end, and he waves it up as if he's going to strike.

And then he goes in, shucks, six clams. And he hands them all out. No, if you're gonna be part of the crew. You guys are basically a glorified crew. We know the, we know the deal. We know the drill. That's pretty cool. Do I have to eat this thing?

Oh, yes, you do. It smells kind of funny. That's the impoing. That's the joy of it, Peggy. You'll learn to love it. To the Riverfolk Company. To the Riverfolk Company. Yeah.

To the Riverfolk. You clink the clamshells together and down the clams. And I said, well, actually, perfect timing. We should probably get out of Dodge here. As you hear the loud marching. of footsteps coming down from the major road from the north and from the south. As you hear the sounds of Marquisot forces reinforcing click-clock crossing, you manage to get onto the raft joining Scampi as there are a couple other denizens that are paying for passage.

Some are bringing out their life savings, not wanting to stay here any longer, not wanting to brave the roads that can be just as dangerous. So throwing their lot in with the Riverfoe Company heading south. And as you, as the barge pulls away from the dock and you take off into the river, into the night, the dull glow of the slowly dissipating fires of click-clock crossing behind you, you see amidst the throng of Marquis Zott soldiers looking around, vengefully and resolutely, you see a hound as Inspector Jarvis is on your trail.

And that's where we won the session. Fuck that guy. I'm so glad that we're going to do. Skiddle, skedoodle. It's time to paddle. It's time to paddle. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Avengers podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session.

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