Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | Ep. 5 | Crazy River

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

The Vagabonds look to make quick gold as the ride a barge down the river...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/cfwWBeikl2k?si=7Iy-C4gA5qvIBnoc

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. You know, I'm Peggy, and you're listening to Upprooted. Here's what happened last time. Rumlin, just grab some of the plates, is not giving them to our lovely guests. Okay. The viceroy has to eat first. Both Clonk and Viceroy-Luntilda just completely collapse.

You're going to find a very large bear and a really kind of a very rude bird. But they want to join the Woodland Alliance so they can help you. My name is Ginger. Come to Sticker Brush. Sean, we have a weapon of war! Yes, a bear! So where's the gold? We've come to take what's ours.

Fine, we have to get out of here anyway. Let's go past the honey. Let's get to the edge of the clearing. Then we're going to decide where we're going. We can't stay here. We gotta find another clearing. I'm going to sing a little tune for her. You get a line and I got a bowl, honey.

You got a line and I got a bowl, baby. I think we got to get out of Muckies out of territory. as fast as possible. Let's go south then. All right, next talk to the others and see if they'll even take us. State passage, a thousand gold piece as a person,

very fair price. Or, you know, we can drop you off at Ward Wallow and you can find your own passage south after that. But what if we could help you out along the way? You all are crazy. Yeah, that's one of the one. She's especially crazy.

I kind of like it. What's your name, sweetheart? My name's Peggy and I'm single. I know a guy who I think I think I might have a job As the barge pulls away from the dock and you take off into the river, into the night, the dull glow of the slowly dissipating fires of click-clock crossing behind you, you see amidst the throng of Marquis Zott soldiers looking around vengefully and resolutely,

you see a hound as Inspector Jarvis is on your trail. These otters, they'll take you for everything. That's right. By this smock, there's clams. You think that they're cute when they're holding hands and it's floating around, but man. They'll dash your brains out like an oyster on their tummies with a rock.

All right. I'm back. So, the five of you are riding Old Tom's River south through the dimwood. The, it's approaching dawn leaving the, you see the light glow of the fires that are slowly being extinguished

in click clock crossing behind you. The billowing plumes of smoke from the chaos and the carnage that the members of the Boylan Alliance had unleashed upon their oppressors not so long ago. There are several otters working the barge with the skipper being the otter scampy, who had negotiated with all of you. And it's at this point that you are about, you're probably a quarter of the way to Whartwallow.

And you are surrounded by... by not as many townsfolk as you might expect, given how much space is on this barge, but not many of the denizens of the Dimmwood could afford, the prices that the river folk company was charging. And so it is here that you have just managed to narrowly escape Inspector Jarvis, at least you think so, leaving him behind at ClickCluck Crossing

as you ride south, the Whart Wallow, the clearing, clearing predominantly inhabited by, I think that's a mice clearing. Why don't you bring it up, Rich? Yes, by mice and frogs, toads, other swampy aquatic creatures. But ruled by. But ruled by, once again, the Marquis-a-T-T-T.

So you're not out of the woods. And it's like the Jarvis see us. Like was it very much like a, Orevoin, Spectre Jarvis? Ha ha! Then I slapped my animal ass. Would you like to cut back to that scene? No, not if we're like trying to lay low.

I didn't know if he saw us in. I would like draw attention to us. I think he did. You mentioned something. He was like, curse you woodland critters. And we were like, ah ha ha ha ha. I would say, we saw like the form of him.

I would say as the barge was pulling away, you saw him. And you saw him turn in your direction just as the barge just appeared around the bend of the river. Speaking. Tant, don't keep a love. keep a low profile.

And I'll make a roll for him. Hopefully you can't afford the barge. Well, I don't know. It depends on whether or not the Marquis-Zate can bend to the will of the otters. Barge, quick, follow that barge. Yeah, maybe.

He might have that kind of pull around here. We don't know. I'm excited for the coming barge fights. With that, you are discussing barge fights. There are two teenage possums that are trying to start a fight club. on the barge, on the barge and try to start barge fights. And there aren't many takers.

As you ride south, not really sure what your game plan is, as you all have a moment of privacy, what do you all do? What do we win? In a barge fights. I go to one of the possums. Ask me a question. Oh, you actually, he wants to join the bar fight? I'm just saying if there's like a prize or something.

We just spent a lot on his barge so I could use a little bit of, you know, compensation for winning. For what it's worth, you know, with your first rule being like, don't talk about barge fights, terrible marketing. You're never going to spread this thing anyway if you don't talk about the barge fights. Oh, God, that's why my marketing is so bad. Yeah, well, yeah, you got to spread my word of math. You've got that off. You got nothing. Yeah, and you really should be advertising yourself on Click Clock.

Well, we just left Click Clock crossing because there's a... utter chaos. Yeah, well, you should have advertised yourself on Click Clock before you left. Is that the one where it is spelled without the Seas and it's just a case? Oh, my money don't jiggle, jiggle it fold. Oh, God. I don't know what that means. Speaking of money...

You obviously haven't been on Click Clock lately. We were just there. So is that a prize? Do you have to pay to enter? I mean, I'm just thinking that at least one of us could help earn some of our goat back. Oh, follow up question. Who do we fight you? And if we do my money's on grumbling.

Well, if we can get more people, it'll be a full tournament. And we'll have betting. And we'll take a portion of all of the proceeds. Sure. Why? Well, because we don't have any money. Our uncle spent everything he had to get us out of town. So how are you going to bet on it if you don't have any money?

Well, we're organizer, so we just take everything in a portion. Right, it gets to skim a little off the top. That's ridiculous. Yeah, that's business. That's exactly right. Oh, so we wouldn't fight you, then. Oh, no, no. Jimothy over here, he's a fighter.

Is he also a possible? He's also a possum. How much smaller is he, the grommel? He's like a third of the size of... Oh, yeah, my money's definitely on Gromley here. But, um, you don't have anything, and you run will spend all your gold. You pull defenseless, woodling critters, cast out by the government

and a horrible rebellion I can't fight them yeah I guess so and also they would just take a little bit of your money and then give you the winnings back less whatever they took out of their they don't have any money for me to take I guess

I mean even if they did is there anyone more less disenfranchised that I'd be able you know what you could do right because I obviously this this barge fight isn't going to work if you can't talk about it and you can't mark it but what you can do i've got magic all right i'll start off by saying that hello my name's peggy

i have magic i create magic isn't real i don't know she invented it i will literally burn that's dumb i will burn your flesh from your skeleton don't make a man all right i've done it before i know how animal flesh smells no when it's being melted i got jimmyth guarding me I never want to smell that again. You see that Jimpathy is actually smaller than the possum who's talking to you, but he is scrappy and he just looks at you and goes. Oh, wow, that's okay. All right, that's a new one.

Anyway, as I was saying, all right, anyway, as I was saying, I don't think your barge fight's going to work out well for you, but what you could do is some grease wrestler. So here's the thing. I've got this great spell. I like to call it grease. What I do is I throw grease on the floor magically. And when it is on the floor, it becomes very slick.

And if you roll around in it, people will pay money to watch it. I don't know why. I'm not sure what they get out of it, but they'll do it. And you can advertise it, too. Oh, we can talk about it? You can talk about grease. Yeah, grease wrestling. So if you want to grease.

wrestle. Neither one of you has to die is the great part about it, right? Wait, it wasn't a fight to the death. No one's going to pay for that. It won't be more on brandon like branding, Greece wrestling, you know? Yeah, Greece wrestling. No, no, no, wrestling. That's what I said. It's a little different.

No? No, it's a little different. Do you want to wrestle in Greece with this possum? No, I don't like the idea. For a lot of money? I might. What kind of grease is it? I know. That will never come out of your phone. Trust me. Actually, that's a good point. It's got to be some of that duck grease that I stole out of the kitchen before we left Clip Clock Crosso. Oh, my God.

Somebody's dead meat. Thank God we don't have to deal with him anymore. Oh, he's not here? No, he's gone. He was the little lions. I ditched his ass. He was basically like, please don't leave us. We were like, we don't care.

We used him and then threw him in the trash. Yes. And we were like, go. You've overstayed your welcome. Nesta. never want to see from you, ever again. Why do we do more evil shit in this kind of a campaign than when we're all slaying,

actually just want to be left alone, really. Bag of bonds. So anyway, that's my pitch. You can't talk about your barge fighting, so you're not gonna make much money that way. We could really sell this duck grease rasselin. Did I say it right? Yeah, yeah, you do.

All right. That's what I was. So what are your thoughts? Well, if it's a way we can make more money, I'm in. I'm a business possum. I can tell. Oh, wow, thank you.

No one's ever said that before. I can tell. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah. And also, there's no one deadlier than Jimith. And he just kisses at you. Would Jimithy like to be first in the rink? He looks and says like, well, I think that we should save that.

Jimithy's the champion, Greece Rastler, even though we just invented it right now. And he'll go less. I'm so confident. I'm going to put up, you guys have to put up your own money. Well, I'm putting up the grease. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Why are we putting up money for this? I'm very confused. You know, I do it's off for three seconds, and I can get on my own life for one moment. If you're going to start an epic gambling ring, you have to have backers. So we've got to back this. Think about it this way, right?

Well, there's an entry fee. Why don't you go see if anybody else just wants to watch some wrestling and charge for tickets? That seems like a lot more reasonable. There's like eight people on this barge. There's a long bar drive. Just say, hey, you really want to be bored this whole time when you could be watching Greece wrestling?

Tickets can be like a thousand gold pieces, and then you'll get your money back, no problem. You have a thousand gold pieces? Somebody might. I would just like to say this barge was incredibly expensive. So out of the seven people that are on it that don't include us,

they either have no money or way too much money. So you've got a 50-50 chance. Wait, hold on you said there are eight people on this barge. There's five of us two of you and they are driving the barge. Oh, well, actually. Yep, that math doesn't make any sense at all.

You're bone. Go ask the honor, Captain, if he wants to pay him $1,000 for a $2,000 to be a box. To be quick, no, actually, that's a really great idea because we gave him all of our money. The possums gave him all of their money. If we could convince him to put that money towards the grease wrestling, we could make our money back. If I know anything about the odds, they're just going to be pissed at this grease all over the wrap. But, hey, anything's worth a try, I guess. If there's eight of us and just one of him, why don't we just take our money back?

I said, hushed. I thought we were well past trying to. Hey, what are you just saying back there? Nothing. We're talking about race wrestling. We can stop him. You know, I can only stop an unstoppable force of nature for so long. I'm trying.

I'm really trying here. They could kill us. We could kill him. No, you think killing one order? I mean, we could be in a million of the woods and eight hunters would jump out and cut offroats in two seconds. Is that true? Yes.

Look at they riveted. Let me just try to maybe frame things a little bit better for you here so you can understand, right? We go to the clearings and we see a lot of cats and you think, oh, maybe the Marquisat are the ones who own this territory. And then you go, you know, a little south, and you see the bird people and you think, oh, maybe the area here. They own these places, right?

They own the woods. But then when you really look at things, and you really look at things, close, a little bit under the surface, you realize that everything is really owned by the Otters. Everything? Everything? So are we going to start a Greece wrestling ring or no? I want nothing to do with that.

What if we do that and he just... Oh, I guess he can swim pretty good, but what if he just slipped off the barge and it wasn't really a murdering for a day? Why are you trying to kill the guy that's driving the bar? Well, because he took all that money and it wasn't fair. Well, if he's so incensed about it, why don't we have a grease fire between Jimafly and Hazel and we'll convince pastrami or whatever the fuck the artist nameless to maybe bet. Scampi.

Scampi. And he can bet on who wins and who loses. Wait, if you don't have any money, what do you mean? Do you have a wrestling outfit, Hazel? I don't know. I've never really done wrestling. It's like a really thin piece of fabric that goes between your butt cheeks and is super uncomfortable, but it's really stretchy. But where would my tail go?

Oh, no. Does anyone know how to sew? Is that what that is, a wrestling costume? I'm wearing that right now. Oh, a lot of Bitsy can do it then. Do you want to be the person that wrestles Bitsy? If you've already got the costume. Where did you get duck grease?

From the kitchen. On duck, people. Bidzzy, wait, while you were leaving, while you were leaving the kitchen from the Viceroy's private kitchen, And you saw Peggy once she was free hop in and actually just running around nest her things. And there was a mysterious jar just a duck grease.

And we don't know what that means at all. And you have no idea. You have no idea what's that. It's really difficult to milk a duck. They have cooked scrupinuses. I know. Wow. Oh, God.

I guess I'd do it if I can get some money. That sounds great. So I think we've got Bitsy against... No, because I still don't have any money. What do you have? Just a cheeky attitude. I don't know how much. Do you have any food?

No. We just get what's his face to back? Yeah, I got some strangely rectangular pies. They call them apple pies, but they're really not. What are they? You're no sure? I don't know. They come from a workshop

that the Marquis is out, like mass produces them? I still try it if you want. I could be like a guinea pig chick-moke, so to speak. It could be dangerous if you have it. I don't want you to be in danger. Then we'll put up, we have three of them.

We'll put up three of them. Strip down, Betty. And we have our grandfather's Golden Watch. I don't really have any use for that. Well, it's made out of, It's plated in gold and it's the last memory we have of him. He basically raised us.

What on earth do you need that for? Yeah, that sounds like it's worth money. Definitely throw that in. Okay, yeah. What are you guys going to put in? With the pies. Three pies and a good priceless golden family heirloom. Perfect.

And we're betting on like Bissy against Jeremy. Jimithy, I'm Jeremy. I apologize. All right, a lot is going on. Yeah. All right, I'm in. I don't want to wrestle him. He's the champ.

I gotta win. You gotta, I don't know what to tell you. You can be the new champ. Come on, kid. I thought I was gonna wrestle Hazel. No, no, no, you gotta take on old Jimmy Jeremy, Jeremy, Murphy. You can do it.

I'll try. I've got, like, at least a few ounces away to you. How much you, how much you each of those pies are worth and maybe the priceless family in our room? I'm thinking like maybe 20 gold pieces. Oh, me, if you're lucky. Do, what could we, what could we put up? We have any, like, corn-corn level?

from corn and corned over the game. No, I just really have all the gold that we've made research. And you look around and there are, by eight people, he meant eight people additionally, eight passengers in addition to the crew. Oh. So there's a couple. So you get the sense that if you wanted to try to get people to bet on it and skim some off the top, you could. Let's do that.

It sounds like a job for Booker, though. Oh, boy, all right. You've got to that kind of stuff. If I had any money, I'll like, give it to you. Okay, you guys, you start getting everything going here, and I'll just see if I can... I got it under control. Drum up some business. Both myself and King George, we can handle this.

And I'm going to open my mouth and let King George out. And then I'm going to use Mage Hand, which is just my tongue. And I'm going to start to use my hemp and rope to set up like an actual ring. Like a ring. And then I'm going to use eventually the grease spell to fill the ring with duck grease. But just to open the jar. Yeah. To grease.

So this tongue is coming to our patron soon. It's a custom homebrews spell. So you see actually that this is also a cargo barge. So you're able to push around some of the cargo and barrels to make sure that you're able to actually form a ring. It's actually shockingly effective. Perfect. All right.

Now keep going. Keep going. I'll dip a little, I'll dip my paw into some of the duck grease on the side, start massaging it into Bitsy. Oh. Getting it on your own. I'm going to eat lightning and I'm going to grab thunder. That's right. It's all going to be all right. And if your eyes swell shut, just coming. I'll cut you.

I'll cut you. Jeremy walks up to you and says, you're no match for Jimothy. He's the champ. He's undefeated. Jimothy looks at you. It's you, Jimothy. I'll grab me by the scalp and I'll just, Tear it off! You watch your ass!

Uh... What a pussy? With that, Jimithee, Jimithee looks at you, and his eyes widened. And he, uh, he leans down and there's a, you see that there's a, uh, a, uh, a crate, um, next to him. He, uh, leans down and just chumps onto the wood. And he, he rips off just a strip of wood and there's splinters all in his mouth. I look around, do I see any, like, wood or something similar? Yeah, yeah, there's crates and shit on.

Oh, you use a cannon rusty nails right there. Oh, God. Piercing damage. That's horrible. Like a running, skimpy close-up. Like your blood. Take six points of piercing damage from the nails. Yeah, I'm not saying.

Make an intimidation check. Oh, that's funny. Oh, okay. Six. Six points of piercing, yeah. Yep, I have to remember how to use fucking Dungeons and Dragons here in that moment. What's that? Natural.

Natural. It's got to give it out. He's got to give it us. The total is 22. 22. He falters. Jim and the Eagle. And he steps forward, and he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he steps forward.

and he goes and he grabs the cup of nails when he looks down. Spike it on the ground. Let's do this thing. And he hisses slightly less. And there's definitely, you put the fear into Jimithy's eyes. He still looks crazy as fuck. Hey, Taiso.

He spits up some splinters. A bit, see, before we do this, you do know that you're going to have to have a rasselin name, right? Rasselan. Yeah. We went, who's gonna be the announcer? I'll do it.

It's fine. Don't ask me too much. I start to get a little shy when people ask me often to do stuff like this. So I'll just go ahead and just agree right now. What about? Was anyone gonna ask me once? Oh, what? To be the announcer.

Oh, I just assumed that you would. Oh, do you want to be the announcer? Oh my God, I just said don't ask me too much. But sure, I'll do it. So anyway, when I'm announcing you and I say, Bitsy in the Red Corner, if I just say Bitsy in the Red Corner, that's stupid who wants to pay for that? I've got to say like Bitsy the...

Murdering Mouse. Thank you, A Mouse of Mayhem. Perfect, yeah. Or... A rusty bucket Bitsy! Oh, a rusty bucket Bitsy! Roll Consies and saving throw against 10. You can get a lot job before the same thing starts.

I wish I was in a parson, I couldn't get rabies. Like the rabid rodent. Rodent? Not very shortly, I was good. Yeah. Likes of rodents. Okay. Yeah.

Parcums are musupials. Aren't you a rodent? Yeah, she's a chipmong. I just connected that. But you think that all rodents know what other rodents are? Aren't they kind of like cousins? That's really close-minded. Rodent cousins?

We're totally different species. I mean, sure. All rodents eat absolutely everything that gets close to their face, and we know that's true with Hazel. Sure, both of our teeth just groan, grow and grow and groan. And can't be stopped. That doesn't mean... Is Booker a raccoon?

I mean, I know it's a raccoon. Is he a rodent? Booker has thumbs. Yeah, he can't be one of us. Well, no, y'all have thumbs. Well, we're all people. What? I'm a frog.

Well, I know you're a frog. I only have four fingers. But one of them's a thumb. What? One of them's a thumb. That is quite literally the only finger I don't have is a thumb. Who? Grum, we have some experimental experiences.

Bitsy? Hmm? Your consue in saving throw. Oh. For tennis? Whoa! Uh-oh. Ruh-ro.

I don't feel so good. My jaw's tongue. I got a good. You have your jaw does lock up in the poison condition. Oh no. You're all right, Kitty. I can still wrestle. Let's do this thing. That's what you're doing with your face.

It's like even scarier than before me. It's like my teeth are rustling already. Yeah. Use that. Use it. Use it in the ring. Let's just some grease or loosen that right up. You see Jimithy look at you and, and, And he's getting his shoulders rubbed by Jeremy. He's like, she's crazy.

You're gonna destroy her. And as that happens, Booker, what are you doing? I'll walk up to the first person on a raft. And I'm not eager. I'm just kind of like, I'm almost dragging my little feet, my little raccoon feet. And I go to, I get out to my, excuse me, sorry, Bobby you.

I know I look a little dejected, and that's just because I'm, contemplating how my life got to this point. Yeah, me too. I don't know how else to say this, but it was gonna be some sort of oil wrestling fight that's going on, and we're wondering if you'd like to bet on the, oh my god, she's eating nails.

The mouse that's eating nails or the possum that's chewing on the rat. Are you interested? I don't know. I'm sorry. This is the best I've got right now. I'm very tired. Make a persuasion, Jack. Oh, my God, she's eating male. Jesus. Persuasion? 26.

Hell yeah. And I just kind of shrug like this. And this is a portly rabbit who's, he's got like a shaggy brown hair. There's a little bit of patches of white. He's wearing an outfit that's not very well fitting. You can tell that he just barely made it out to dodge and he just looks at you with these very deep bags under his eyes and he looks over he says

I don't got anything better going on what are the odds uh you know and I just say oh what are the odds on the dog he's fucking huge oh I well he looks like he can he can you know how he's like to take a punch I'm glad you asked he's actually my personal favorite fighter but he's not fighting right now. Maybe we can work on that next time. But this time, what I hear is that there's no way the possum could possibly lose. No way. It's basically a sure thing. But don't tell the others I told you that. Deception checked. Stop it. Deception starts with a D. Ends with an episode. Oh, that's going to be a 25. Wow, thanks, pal. Nothing. No problem. Man, I appreciate that. It's literally the best odds in sports betting. I can't continue it for me.

What's the minimum? How much does it look like he has? I'd like to insight check him. I'd like to discern how much money he looks like he has. Did you expect the session to go this one? Fuck, I got a natural one. Do it twist it. But my insight is still, okay, yeah, get the fuck out of here.

Shitty die. Let's use you. Come on! 17. 17. Okay, for an inside check. You quickly survey... Give him a once-over. His form. You can see that there is a very clearly a flask in his coat pocket that is fraying a little bit.

And although his clothes are ratty, you actually notice that he has some pieces of jewelry more than you'd expect. And you get the sense, you look at... I would say that you have met many people of this type. He seems to have been some sort of... salesmen or merchant of some kind, where you get the sense that although he's looking a little shabby, he probably has some extra gold. It'd be about a hundred gold pieces or of equal value of items that you've got on you.

And don't worry, as the bookie, that's why they call me Booker, I've got the gold to back it up. And I, like, jingle my money jingle jingles in my... It doesn't fold. It doesn't fold in my pocket. And I just want to show him that I have, like, the money to back the vets. And he looks. And he says, you're saying, it's this sure thing? That's a sure thing is that.

I mean, that's what I get from the people who tell me, the things about the odds and the people that I scope and talk to coaches and things like that. Hey, look, but, you know, I am the impartial judge here. I'm just saying, I just, you know, I got the thing with the money and, you know, who knows what will happen. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. And he goes into his coin purse and he's like trying to count. Well, I got, I get 43 gold pieces. And then he starts pulling off rings and he pulls in. And this is from my ex-wife.

Oh, perfect. Oh, wow. Very nice. And this, God. What you're saying this is your thing, right? Well, again, you know, I'm just saying it's, you know, that's what I hear. The coach is very confident in his young scrapping woody. Okay.

This is a locker than my daughter gave me. Oh, my God. Perfect. That's fantastic. That should be worth about 100 gold pieces, right? Done. I'll hold on these for you. I'll probably take some of the gold off stuff.

Finders fee, risk reward, things like that. We're good. I'll be back. Yeah, I'm gonna triple my goal, right? What? I'm gonna triple my goal? Give a take, at least. I don't know. We'll figure out. Yeah, now I'm in. Yeah, you just go over there by the ring with a new renewed sense of purpose and vigor.

I go and I fleece the rest of the people into voting against Bitsy. The best that I can. That's a lot of faith. That's a fucking guy might take me down. No, you have to beat the shit out of the stupid possum. And I will attempt to equally sway people. But very subtly. parcel. I'm just the bookie. Booker. And I'm trying to take everybody's money. I'm hoping that

Bitsy's going to win. Okay. Make a deception check for me. Okay. There's a single deception check to see how you do. Every time I scroll it tries to change the fucking thing. Yeah. That'll be a 30. The skillful is weird. Okay, I make a persuasion check and that affects the DC for how many people you get to get in on this. Not as good. You said persuasion? Yeah. 17. 17. You see that there is a a Fox family of three, and they have spent everything to get onto this boat, and they are not interested at all. And especially the smell of the duck grease is starting to kind of like waft. That's a little gamy.

Yeah, it's a little gamey. But you're able to approach the most well-dressed person on this bar is actually a frog herself. And she's holding a parasol and a very nice. bustle dress, and you are very easily able to get her to, she bets 700 goal pieces. Whoa. On Bitsy? That was the attention, right? Well, I mean, they can bet whomever they'd like, but what I would like to have them do

is bet against Bitsy so that when she wins, we take all their money. Oh, so on the Possible, yeah, she bets on the possum, yeah. She bets on Jim Fing. But if anybody were to want to bet on Bitsy, that's certainly not an issue. No, she bets on, she bets on Jimenez. I misspoke. I'm going to get paid no matter what. And you see that there is an older otter who is working,

and he's like looking over to the skipper to Scampi, and he says, right, come here. He gives you 40 gold pieces to bet on Jimothy. And so all in all, I'll probably say that from the individuals and from personal effects and heirlooms, there are probably 1,300 gold pieces worth bet on Jimethe. All right. All right. Okay, well, I hit everybody up.

We've got some bets here. How you feeling, Betsy? You're looking a little tense. You're looking a little tight. You're all right? You're going to be all right? You got to win this one, all right? We really need you to win.

Do we have to bet? I'll grease her up. I mean, I've got the money to back it if they really try to... I got a backup plan. Don't worry. If this goes south... I bet bits. Look at how red is she's jumping at the bit to win. But doesn't one of us need to bid on Bid on Bitsy to win?

Yeah, no one even bet on the stupid mouse. Timothy, you're a sure thing. You know, I can't bet because I am the MC of the evening. Hazel can't bet because she's the coach. Bucca can't bet because it would be a conflict of interest. That's right. So I think Grumley needs to bet 500 gold pieces. 500.

I don't have, can we use your cornbone? We had a cornbone again. Remind me. It's all right. Just say that you're going to bet it. It's not the money. We got anything back. We can back it up this time.

Oh, I'm going to bet out of the money I have on Bitsy. Which is 500 gold pieces, right? Which is 500 gold pieces. Oh, you absolute fool. How could you do something like this? Question, ma. You know that she's going to lose, though, right? But that's my, my Bitsy.

She's going to win? I, listen. I believe in you. Before this gets going, I just want to give you the, gravity of the situation, you have to win this, all right? Yeah, you agree. Take no prisoners, and I'm going to give her inspiration. And I'm going to scoop in and stare at you in the face.

Your mouth looks horrible, right? So I'm going to go ahead and give you something to try and make it better, all right? Yeah? Uh-huh. And I'm going to take my mushrooms and press them into her teeth and force them into her mouth and cast paste. Up under the gum. On Bixie, yeah. Yeah, you do that.

And Jeremy walks up to you and says, so the victory fee is half of the bets, right? The prize. There's got to be a prize for the winner. Oh, yeah, sure. That sounds perfect. Okay, businessman. I'm not good at math.

I got it. Don't worry about it. All right. Okay. Wait, hold on. Bixie. Do you need your mouth to fight, to wrestle, to wrestle?

To wrestle? You're supposed to use your mouth, throw him grease, My son. I think so teeth would be good to have. Can someone get me like a wooden wedge or something? I'll fix your rider. You can use my staff.

Oh, okay. Thanks. And I'm gonna take the end of the staff. Come here, Bixie. And I'm gonna like get it, like, right here, and I just wanna like pound on the end and try to like break her jaw open. Casting Leon hands to end the poison of that. Oh, okay.

It's extremely painful. Ow, my muscles! Oh! You cough up a nail. The nail? Yeah. You think he's right here behind my ear. Oh, and I wish you.

I found one of Booker's last bottles of whiskey. Let me just try to disinfect your mouth a little bit, and I'm going to heal you for six points of Leon hands additionally. Thanks. Okay. So it's like, so half the earnings. To the vector. To the victor, and then 10% of the bets.

For all of us, we split. 5%. 20%. You went the wrong direction. Now you're supposed to say seven and a half. That's going to coach you down. So your phrase is seven and a half. Repeat after me.

Seven and a half. Five and a half. Five percent. Done. Okay, get to announcing. That's not very business. That's not very business. Had a good day of you, Anne.

All right. You make sure that Jimothy's over in the, Do you want blue or red? Oh, red. Make sure Jimothy's over in the blue corner, all right? Okay, Jimothy, brother, you're going to do this. We're going to do this for grandpa and for mom. And for Uncle Jimbo, who gave everything he had.

We're going to do him proud. And he's nodding and hissing. And then I'm going to make my way into the middle of the grease pit. I'm going to slip a couple of times in fall. But I'm eventually going to get out to the middle. and I'm going to yell out. Everybody on this barge, it's time now for some Greece wrestling.

If you have bet for this fight, you know you're in for a good time. Yeah. This fight is brought to you by basically all of us on this barge right now. In the blue corner, we've got Jimothy. Thanks. All right.

Now, yeah. Yeah, Jimithy, and the whole crowd is going crazy. Yeah, yeah. Jimothy's not going to get much more of an announcement because he's highly favored here, okay? He's highly favored and definitely flavored. He's the champ, yeah. Undefeated.

Undefeated. So if you bet on Timothy, you're probably going to get your money's worth. Yeah, wow, I wish I'd done that. To the underdog. Let's give a round of applause. I'm about. For the, oh my God, can you please let me do this?

Okay. You're wrestling, I'm announcing, all right? I'm sorry. Shut up. All right. Eat some more nails. No, no, no, bow, please. All right, can we give a round of applause

for the under mouse in the red quana? I'm the father of McWallo. The manic mouse of Macwallo. Hey, how good? Boo. You saw. The terrible to the of TikTok crossing. I don't know.

Is it what is it called? Click luck. Oh, the creeping crustacean. Our crustaceans. Nice. I'm a milk. No, Bitsy!

No rusty bucket Bitsy. Oh, Rusty Bucket Bitsy. Oh, Rusty Bucket Bucy. Oie, don't you mention the creeping crustacean here, it'll hear you. In the river, you've invoked its name. You see a giant

crawdad breech just slightly off the riverbank. You see now that the older junk drunken sailor on the barge is now looking very nervously over the river. We were to summon some kind of elder beings. The elder girl dad.

And with that, let this, well, we gotta go over some of the rules. So the rules are you're gonna get into the ring, you're gonna start wrestling. Whichever one of you survives is the winner. Is that how you win? You either survive or you're the last one to give up. Oh, okay. So you can give up by screaming,

What do we want people to scream? Uncle? Is that what people scream? Uncle Roger. Bitsy, what's the word that you don't know how to say very well? That's for him? Give up, you say the word spaghetti, and it has to be pronounced fully or it doesn't count.

That's right. Jimi, can you say the word spaghetti? I'm talking all. Oh, he doesn't give, no, that's too specific. That's all he does. Yeah, that works. What he's gonna give up, me? He just gave up then.

I won. Then I don't know what to do about this. No, just don't kill him. Yeah. I wasn't gonna kill him, I just need to know how to win a grease rassling. You have to throw him out of the ring. Oh, right.

The first person thrown out of the ring by the other person or dead. All right. Are we done? This is clearly a well-oiled machine. Let the games begin. It's grace. It's grace.

I get it. The denizens on the barge that are paying attention and actually care about this are cheering as the older otter sailor is trying to keep the other otters on the barge away from the scene, especially Skipper Scampi, as he's nervously looking in the river after the invocation of the creeping station. And it's with this, I need you to roll initiative.

As Jeremy says, Timothy, go get a, Show no mercy, show no mercy. Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm pretty good. You have plus two to your AC. Okay. And you get to take an extra action.

Yeah, and you're hasted. I'm a take. Is this what Toh feels like all the time? All right, I'm gonna- Should go ape shit on this guy. 22. 22? Yeah.

Came on a roll. And you don't forget you, Borg, inspiration. Uh, Jimithy, who's wearing like torn overalls, he just, uh, leans down and he bites into another, uh, the side of a barrel, and there's just splinters everywhere, and he spits. He's gonna be really full for this fight. Just I know this was slowing down.

There is still a bit of hesitation. Uh, the, the, the eating the nails did seem to have shaken him a bit. When I grab your scalp and I pull it off, I'm going to rip it up. What? I just like, like, I just do this and you can see my bloody teeth with like bits of shroom sticking out. You're just like open mouth like and got each other from a girl's throwing. And you see the drunken rabbit salesman's.

This is the most entertaining thing I've seen in months. Go ahead. You're first. Oh, terrific. You can't be the absolute piss out of this guy. I'll run up. Is he within 40 feet of me? Yeah, so he's in the other corner. He's running to meet you as he's spitting out splinters,

and he's running his tail is, is for him. You can see that his nails are actually look shockingly sharp. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm going to, just as we're about to collide, I'm going to dive into the grease and attempt to slip under. underneath him and I'm gonna start to go up to grab him by the legs and Zangeef him backwards behind him. Okay, roll your first attack. I will. That's gonna be two attacks because of how I work. One's gonna be a Nassau 20.

Yes! Yes! That Pucket Watch is... Oh, this is gonna get so much worse for you because I have the crusher feet. You might actually just one shot this guy? How do I do fucking damage? It's gonna be... I should force some fucking flurry of loads in this because it's just, Fuck yeah. Right, yeah. Give them everything, unleash hell!

All right, so the other one is a 19. Does that hit? Yeah, it does. Okay, so that's gonna be this, then this is gonna be that, and then I'm going to pour a key point into it for the purposes of fury of blows. Two more attacks.

It means I get two more attacks. I'm gonna start doing this like this. Another natural 20. Yes! That three is actually a 14 now. That's a 13, so that hits. I'm gonna turn it to a 13. Jesus.

There's the 13, that's gonna be that dice. And then I take my hasted action, which is gonna be an additional two attacks. Oh shit. Those both hit also, so that's gonna be an additional, I'll roll this D6. What's your plus to each attack? This D6, five.

Oh, you see you're talking like 50 something damage. This is ridiculous. He's going to die. Yeah, you actually like just kill him right at the starting battle. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight. This is a fireball. Well, plus all the plus. Yeah.

Yeah. Plus 10 is 20, five, six. Plus 25. Yeah, so 50 plus points of damage. Oh, 50, no, 61? I should have been fishing for critical because after I used the crusher, after I crit with a critical, all of them should have been advantage, but I completely forgot about that. Fish for crits. Fish for crits.

Okay, so that would have been. So much damage right now. I want to say 52, but I'm not paying 100%. I think it's 54. 54. Okay. Let's pause because you might just have to add some dice. This dice, this dice, and this dice would have been at.

We roll them. Well, no, because two crit already, right? So just roll three more dice. Yeah, so just re-roll this right. If any of them are a crit, I'll add additional. Oh, let's go! And so that'll be an additional. Oh, this is the easiest 1,300 gold pieces of feet of made!

Uh, 56, 61. 61 points of damage, and he flies back five feet because of the Crusher feet where I'll push him back, so he's now five feet away from me. And I'll use one more key point to take the dodge action, because I can just. If you hit man to the shit out of him. Isn't it five feet per hit too?

You could literally just flung him out of rate. Right out of like one punch manned him. When you hit a creature with an attack, you can move him five feet. Yes. So I could go hit five feet, then move, hit five feet, then move, hit that five feet. Describe this whole how you do this. How he does.

Bha, is he's like, Pa, pa, pa, bach, bha, bha. I slide underneath him and grab him by the waist and I suplex him like, so, and then I roll on top of him so that I'm actually straddling him, grab both of his feet, and do another roll, and he double suplexes, cracking his skull back against the greasy floor each time, and then I flip around,

grab him, and I bow through style superbarrio him all the way around, smashing him into the side and throwing him out in one direction, covered in grease, fluffy, breathing heavy, blood coming out of my mouth. Yes! Holy shit! Oh my gods! What did Bixie just do it?

So you do that. I'm trained there. I'm the coach. You chuck this teenage possum. And he flies covered in grease. And he has to be nonverbal teenage posses. And he goes, and he smashes against the bear one.

Oh no. No. And the crowds just may have. Yes. In object horror. Who's the champion now? Holy shit. It's over.

What the fuck? I run over to Jimothy. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah. I didn't say non-lethal. I, uh, you run over to Jimothy as Jeremy runs over. Timothy, you were the champ. Timothy, no!

And he's going to run over. I run over and I run over and I check to see if he's alive. No, he's not. Oh, my God. Teacher. With me. Roll medicine. Wake up.

Wake up. This got really dark. Holy fuck. 17. With the 17. Put it towards a burial fund group. Oh, God. He just did this whisper.

Spaghetti. Oh, God. You run up to him and you check his vitals. And, you know, I gave him 30. points. Shit. You overkill them. Which means he is actually

dead. You check and Jimenez and he's been smashed against the barrel. And you find no pulse at all. Well, we're not there. We're celebrating Piz's victory.

I'm running around the Greek pit, high-fiving everybody who is willing to put their hand up and most of them are just like, and I jump into the middle of the pit, and I'm like, Bruttle Bitsy, the winner, taking down Jimothy, the underfeitsy back in here for, you know, celebrate a second place.

Hold him by his hand. I'll walk over to Jeremy and I'll be like, he has your 5% and I'm gonna drop 65 gold pieces into his hand. And then I'll just pat him on the shoulder. And then I'm going to go over to Bitsy and I'll be like, here's the remaining 600 half for your winnings. Hey.

And here's the rest of it that goes to the only person who bet on Bitsy. You fine gentlemen. Cheers. He's dead. Maybe he's just playing possum. They do that, you know? You killed him, Bitsy. Yeah, so the games are over. We'll see about a rematch. Thanks to being here.

Booker, you got to get ahead of this. You should talk to Pistramne and make sure that there's no legal implications for this. And if there is, we should figure out how to pay them off. You can just tell them we're an international river is. All right. Let's put your clothes on and hide the cold quick. You guys deal with all this. It's hard to put on clothes on all greasy. And I'll go talk to the honor.

Oh, God. Should we say anything to the family? Timothy. Were there any family heirlooms, we should give those back? No, and I go, and I leave, and I go talk to the Otter? Where's the pie? Oh, I can't know. I got those. Here, take these.

I don't want them. They're my cousin crumbs everywhere. I could take those. Just, you know. Yeah. All right. There we go. And I'll leave.

Just a little bit of lip-res fun. It's weird to be sad to this, too. Can you, could you, Mr. Dog? Can't you do nothing? I mean, there's nothing to do. He's already gone. I'm trained in field medicine and this is, there's nothing I could do. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Lou. I'm sorry for the subject, what is you really suggested to fight him, and I'm sorry. It was all Jimmy V's idea. I didn't want to do it.

He's the mastermind. In that case, it's kind of like he got what he was asking for, huh? You don't want a bite of pie? I don't want pie. Oh, okay. And with that, you approach, you see that four ahead, or I guess four in the back high up, that you guys have been sheltered by boxes or crates,

just for the sake of this, as you see Skipper Scampi. Oh, hey, Skipper. Hi, Scampi, sir. Back to your good friend Booker again. How's it going? How you doing? I've been better. It's a good, fair seas, fair current, right?

Well, hold that thought. It's a really good day. Oh, yeah, okay. It's about to get really worse. Listen, you know, we were back over in front of the ship. Things were getting a little rowdy. You know, people were trying to give some, you know, on barge entertainment as we were going, and unfortunately, we have a corpse.

Well, now that sounds really entertainment. What? Listen, I'm sure that this is not the first time that you've had to deal with something like this, and I'm sure that we can just make it go away. One of the passengers is dead. How did the passenger die? Did he already pee already paid? I'm fine?

Hey, I don't know. That's all on you. All I can say is that they were looking to do a little bedernacle boxing. These get a little boring out here on the river. And one thing leads to another, bam, bam, he's dead. How much blood is there? Surprisingly little. It was a very clean job.

He just really staunches the capillaries. He just stares off into the river. Oh, God. And he looks back at you and he says, do they have any family? Only just the one possum. That's on the boat with him, right? Two, right?

The one possum? Or is there, are there two? There's two possums. Well, they're both possums, the brothers. But I'm saying there were originally three brothers or originally two brothers? Just two brothers? Yeah, there's just one of them left, actually. Oh, no.

Booker, my friend. What? We don't like revenge plots here in the Riverfoat Company. Well, yeah, but you take care of that, right? It's the artist take care of this. That's what I said. You've done this before, not Booker's done this before. Booker, my friend.

Come here. Oh, no. What? No. Come here. Would you like to share a clan with me? Oh. No, no.

I'm very full. He reaches up and kind of gives you a tap on the face. We had a lot of clams. You got nice fingers. You play the banjo real well, huh? I dabble. I dabble a little on the banjo, I guess. You won't be so good at dabbling on the banjo if you lose a couple of them, would you?

Not as the way. I suppose not. Can't hold any cotton candy with those hands if... Oh, Mike. Why? If you lose a couple fingers, huh? All right. You know what?

I'll deal with it. I'll deal with it. You're going to deal with it? I'll deal with it. So I don't have to worry about it. You'll have to worry about it. So I don't have to tell the Don about this. You don't have to tell the Don about this.

It disappears. Yep, I'll deal with it. And all my guys, they're busy. They have work to do. Understood. I'll deal with it. I'll deal with it. Thank you, Booker.

Thanks for your time. Thank you for letting me now. Oh, do you gods? And I'll rush back to the rest of the... All this is happening, I'm going to go up to Peggy. Um... Hey, Peggy? Yeah, what's up?

So, I mean, since you invented magic, have you invented a way to, like, resurrect the dead yet, you know? Like, you know, bring someone back from the Great Beyond? No. You haven't figured it out yet? Well, it's not that I haven't figured it out yet. I just don't see any reason to have undead thralls hanging around me taking up my time.

when I already have to spend a significant amount of my time grooming King George. I mean, I'm talking about undead froles. I'll just mean sort of, you know, like just back to how he was. Just not dead, you know, before Bitsy killed him horribly. I don't think anyone can do something like that. What do you mean Bitsy killed somebody? What? Yeah, Bitsy Zan Gieftegh Gide death.

Bitsy did what? Zan Gifter God of death. What does that mean? I don't know. What does that mean? When Bixie was doing that move, she kept saying, Dangy. I'm not really, I'm presuming it's grabbing him and, like,

throwing him back. Wait, so what you're trying to tell me is that possum that could only hiss, that one is dead now? Do you miss? Yeah, he's dead. He died from his, I mean, he died instantly. I mean, I was going to say died from his wounds. No, that was the first try.

It was, I mean, he just died. It was entirely a rag doll after that. Very blunt. trauma. Yeah, he's, he's dead. He's dead back. He's not alive. He's like, you know. And you're sure he's not a play for me? I mean, I felt around and a couple of his vertebrae, and they were just totally separated. Oh, God. Have you heard of internal decapitation?

Oh, God. That's basically. That's terrible. That makes sense. More like a bag of loose meat. I was sure he wasn't like that before the fight? I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. sure he wasn't. I'm pretty sure he's

vood and brave a farmer for the fight. Hey, he thinks he's funny, Peggy? I can't believe you're that for the day. It's just a little bit of gallows, you know? Just when something horrible like this happens, I just laugh. Don't ever invite me to a funeral because it's the giggle loop, you know? They call it the giggle loop once somebody cracks,

everybody starts cracking. Mr. Dogg. Yes. You're from... You're from the Army, right? Um, I... Sort of. And would you...

Would you help prepare my brother for a river burial? And say some nice words? A burial, see? Um, absolutely. Of course I can. Yeah, please. You have... You deserve those winnings. You bet fair and square.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I bet against him. I mean, really, I just feel awful. As the call. I'm so sorry. Look, you know, I, Jeremy, I know that it's really gotta be horrible to lose your brother in such a heinous way. It was so heinous.

He was there for an instant and then gone in an instant, and I know that's got to be off. It was like a, like a raggedy janned. And I'm sure that wasn't his James to see. Covered in Greece! Yeah, I know. But he was, he was the undefeated champ, you know. And...

Well, because he wasn't, he never won either. He was the undefeated champ all the way to the end. I don't, you know, I didn't know him that well, but I imagine there's no other way he would have wanted to go. than in the heat of battle fighting for what he believed him pissing like his life depended on it which it turned out of deep

You know she's really disrespectful I'm gonna help this poor little now Right can you please Oh thank you Sue dog Oh you're a good dog You're a good boy dog My tail starts wagging on Oh he couldn't afford the barge

He's back in click clock crossing. Who's back in Cluck Cross? His uncle. Our uncle. Uncle Jimbo. He paid everything he had to send us down to safety in Wardwallow. Who were you meeting in Whartwallow?

Oh, we're just going to try to make our way. Away from the chaos of the... If a mouse killed him that quickly in a horrible grease fight accident, I imagine it would have been really difficult for you and walk well well he said he said to check out some spots where he might still have old friends that might still be alive yeah and we can maybe

help you get there when we get to the other side we could have try to help oh would you really do that for us I don't know probably not oh this is so sad because we don't really have a no stay either so maybe they could take us in too and it would be like we were all family and have like family dinners and stuff, you know, together. I don't have a family anymore except for Uncle Jimbo. Well, so you do then. What Uncle Jimbo? I'm sure he's going to meet you in World War.

If he survives, the Marquis odd soldiers coming in their investigation. Do you think Alexander could look after him? He's talking about Alexander Hamilton? Yeah. Or was his name is Hamilton, I forget. Where is that? No, his name was Alexander.

His last name's Hamilton. I mean, do you think he could look after him? Well, he's the mayor now. At least for a little bit, you know? He's always so busy writing letters. I mean, he can probably take a fucking second to, you know, just get out. I don't know.

He writes like he's running out of time. I mean, we should feel he somewhat responsible for this. I mean, you did suggest a grease fight. That's true. I suggested the grease fight, they were the ones that suggested the fight to begin with. Yeah, but maybe if he hadn't been so greased up with duck grease, he wouldn't have flown out of Bitsy's arms so hard into that barrel. And Hazel's responsible because she didn't want to fight her.

She did offer Bidsey to participate. That's right, it's Bidsey's bumble. Just before the first suplex, he was like, Spaghetti! We did say that he had to say it clearly. and completely. That's fair. I can buy that. I'm sorry for what I did.

I didn't... Hey, you're a monster! I mean, maybe we add that to the title. I'm sorry. He really looked sturdier than he was, it seems. He was chewing up all that wood. I just think you're evil. You're a bad person.

It's not very nice. He murdered my brother. You put your mother actually murdered. Why didn't you fight? Maybe it's a very nice. your fault. He wanted to fight. He did you see how many splinters he ate? Well then to me it sounds like it was your brother's fault for wanting to fight in the first place. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm in rene. He knew the stakes. Maybe if he hadn't eaten so many splinters, his stomach wouldn't

have internally bled out when he got it. Now it was the internal decapitation. I'm telling you. You don't know that you're not a dog. I felt it all. It was a little of everything. Well, Jimithee would hate to hear this. Let's give you. Give him his proper burial, Mr. Dog. He can all hiss in his honor. Um, give some kind of shroud. Does he have any cloth or anything, some kind of shroud? No.

I could hate you. That's disrespectful. Do you have any like all the blankets of these? What this? Take your greasy wrestling diaper. I got this greasy wrestling diaper right here. That one doesn't count. That one doesn't count against the shit.

I'm all covered Yeah, I'm all covered in grease I'm going to have to have somebody if they've got any bacon soda. I'll get rid of grease. This is Kelsey asking. You see as as Jeremy walks forward

and he says, this was his favorite blanket. I think you'd want to be buried with it. It's like this password. This password blanket. He's getting taken camera. Yeah. I'm gonna go over to his body and wrap him tightly in the blanket. As gently as I can, and try to, like, put him back together, you know, like, put all, straighten out all the

place. Oh, shit. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jesus. Um, and wrap them in a tight bundle. Um, do you want sharing a memory of Jimithee? Yeah.

And he, like, he guides you over to the side of the boat and says, can you help me put him up on the side here? you're strong. Oh, thanks. And I'll hold on to keep him steady. Oh, good. Thank you. Jimpathy was my best brother, my only brother. There was a time where we would snuck into old Uncle Jimbo stores in his restaurant that he used to run. And we got covered in Greece as kind of a strangely fitting story.

And we stole a whole. whole sack of cornbone, and he actually called the authorities on us, and we actually got out of it. Jimbeau kind of sounds like a dick. Well, he was, but he had a redemption arc. It's okay. Oh, that's okay. Sorry, go on. It was more of a cover emotion for grief that he had. Anyway. Grease or grief? Yes.

He still got enough grease in ears. The thing about Jimothy that I like the most is that he was, always so good at playing possum. I need to make a dexterity saving throw at disillage. Oh, one's an actual 20, but that's a seven. Oh, wait, no, I'm a paladin. Hold on, hold on. What the hell?

Got that aura. Twist the dread. Oh, boy. One worse. 10. You see as the bundle is immediately shredded with claws and a blur of fur. The bag of gold has been removed from your hands as both possums leap forward, knocking you backwards, snatching the bag of gold.

Sixthunda. I'll remove it. And leaping off the barge into the reeds. And this makes the exact moment that Booker walks back as they're completely gone. I'll never forget to, Jim. All right, hi, hi. What the hell just happened? Normally, I got bad news. We gotta kill the other kid. What?

We gotta deal with it. I talked to the otter. He doesn't want the dead body here. He said, we gotta take care of the loose thread. And I don't really wanna do it, but we gotta kill the other kid. I throw a fireball where they just jumped off. Okay. I take my, all right then, and I take my final Molotong cocktail,

and I chuck it down into the reefs. But if you miss, we're on a boat covered in grease. I know. Rule damage. And Jimithy's dexterity saving throws a four. Okay. Oh no, I'm just waiting to see what happens. I mean, there's going to be a massive explosion.

Can I have some D6s? Yeah. How many? Three. There's nothing really for me to react to until this happens. I love it. 32 points of fire damage. 32 points of fire damage. It's just like from like under the water?

Or is it like on top of the water? So, yeah, would they be able to. I like the depth charge idea. So they leap forward and you see as they leap and you actually had been very close to the bed. You get the sense now that Jeremy had been waiting until the barge was close to the reeds on the bank. And they leapt forward and disappeared

into the very tall grass. and the reeds that are whipping back and forth in the wind. You see Peggy immediately reach into her pack and pull out the flaming jar. As I let it loose, I go, yeah, you piece of shit kid, you wanna tell me magic doesn't exist. I'm gonna roll that thing over the side of the top. And you see the reeds moving and suddenly,

and you hear, oh my fucking God, from the skipper, from the skipper, is there's a massive explosion, and the reeds, everything is completely singed and explodes. And it's just an empty crater. Oh, gosh, I think you either got a really good or you missed. What the hell of the minutes? What happened? It turned out that Timothy wasn't dead.

I didn't kill a cat. Yeah, they jumped off the boat, but you said we had to kill the kids. What? Did it anyway. Oh, my. Why with our gold, booker? Oh, the gold. Wait, now we don't know if they're dead or the, well, okay.

If they're both dead or the both alive, I, oh my God, somebody's gotta go talk to the kid. I can deal with this. I can handle this. I will handle this. But why? It would have been out of the goal. So did I do a good job?

Beats the fuck out of me. It depends on if they're both dead and I'm off the life. I jump off the raft and I run to where it's certainly one of the other. Where I think they might be. I attempt to jump off the raft, but I slip in my own grease and I just hit my chin against the bottom of the barbed floor. Ow! You, you jump, are you going to jump into the river? Yeah.

I'm not going to the river. Okay, making that athletics check and disadvantage because you're wearing armor. Oh, no. Oh, good. Gromley, no. You're top of me, you're gonna sink. I think, I think Brumley might be a little too honorable

to be hanging out with the legs of us. Oh, 17. 17, you plunge into the water and you sink, but with the 17, you're able to doggie paddle. And eventually you get over there. And you make your way towards, uh, towards the skipper. And he's running out as

I didn't mean to blow him up. But to be fair, one, you didn't specify. And two, I didn't really get a chance to explain anything before everything. Just kind of went pear-shaped. But hey, it's okay. What the fuck happened? It's been dealt with.

I told you I'd handle it. And that's what happened. It's been handled. There's no loose ends. None. Fuck. Yeah, no, I think the Don will have some use for you guys. Oh, no.

Well, that's what we were kind of hoping. We're in the walk now. I was worried I was gonna have to call in the wolf. Wait, the what? The wolf. Is he a grease fighter like me? What? What the fuck did you get?

Fuck! Sorry, I'm really fast. The grease makes are silent. I'm just quiet as a mouth. In Greece. Spider's a grease face. What was I even saying? I lost my train of fucking thought.

This is a bird's life from hell. You are at your service. Okay. Well, there's no loose ends. There's no revenge plots happening. The Dom hates revenge plots. Yeah, I think we just have to worry about their uncle Jimbo when he finds out. Oh, Jimbo?

And the click, clock crossing? Yeah. Yeah, I call a guy. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently he had a redemption arc, so. That's what they all say. Ain't it, though?

Yeah, no. There's no redemption. Yeah, I've got to start working on mine. Well, more claims for the rest of us. And he goes back to his business. Grumley, you swim and make your way Jeremy, Jimenez. Jeremy, Jimavie.

You swim through the water, and there's still some of the reeds that are crackling with fire, shards of glass that you're swimming around. There's some large dragonflies that are flying around, and the smoke from all of this flame is kind of sending them away. And you just see just wreckage and flames. Do I see any corpses? make a perception check

or gold pieces we're not going to be so lucky perception 11 and 11 you don't you you see a single gold piece I'm gonna like just very quietly bury the gold piece

rest in peace brothers possums Jeremy and Timothy we've hardly knew you and you didn't deserve to die so young. Booker did say to kill the kid and you know this is what happened sometimes I guess anyways hopefully a great tree spirit and the river king take you on your way to the dim wood of the beyond the dim wood of the

the wood. And I'll just turn. And I'll see the bar. Oh, fuck. It's like down the river. You're gone. Grubli. Grumley!

I'm in the story, hustling down the... There's no way you're getting up to go on the barge. Wait! Wait! Who's Grumley? What are we gonna do about this? Why?

You do that and you you all hear Grumbley's out of breath, boy, shouting at you from behind the barge as he's running along the bag well behind you. Is it a rope on board? Oh, there's a lot of rope. I would find a long piece of rope and tie one side to the railing and cast the other rope off to try to like trail it behind the barge so he can hang on to it.

Okay. Okay. Got the rope, grimmli. Go faster! Can I get you? We're not faster. You gotta go faster, Wembley. Just making F-Liv's check.

F-Liv? Looks pretty good. Okay, okay. 17, no, 18. 18. I would say that you're able to, you see the barge actually having to turn around a bend in the river, which is your saving grace, as it is almost passing

you in front of you, as you were able to attempt to make the jump to grab the rope. And make an acrobatics or athletics check. Even matter? 26. Big money. You all see, you see Grumley smash into the rope and he fumbles with it.

He just sinks down into the river. And the water is just completely still, but as the ripples, uh, the ripples cease. And then suddenly, psh, and Rumly erupts. Yeah. Like a tuna. Good boy, grumly, yes. Like a bleaching tuna.

Guys, help me bring him in. The roll real grumly in and get him on board. We don't want to shake off. Did you find the gold? Why did you jump over for? What was that? Just to see if I could save him. Save them?

Wait, both of the... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, you were trying to save the people I was just ordered to kill? No, I mean, just because Bukkut told... If Bukh told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? Well, no, that would be stupid.

There's a lot of... Kill a kid! I stole our gold! Well, so, first off... They tricked us. I felt bad internally in my heart. There's a lot of problems here, right? Is that first, we thought the one was dead,

so I went back and I told the captain that he was dead, and he told me to tie up to lose dead. What I'm hearing is in the meantime while I was gone, the kid wasn't dead, which means there wasn't any loose ends to tie up. So why do you tell me to kill the kid then? I was passing along the message, and no one told me that the kids had stolen all gold, which, by the way, now makes us even as far as I'm concerned. Where's the gold? He was playing possum. No, the gold zones.

I knew it. How does the possum play possum like that, but also separate all of his bones? I guess I was wrong Did you find Did you find their corpses or not? They were atomized Well no You either found their corpses or you didn't

Well I mean I found what was left of them Let's say Which was Which was nothing Well then we can presume that they're both Alive and well You didn't find the gold did you I think we should assume

That my spouse definitely landed They're both dead And all the goat it wasn't melted away Instantly With Peggy's insanely Heart magic. Well, that's what that little shit gets for trying to tell me that magic isn't real. I guess he would think twice about that if he was still alive.

Today's youth has no respect. I found a book on how to become a litch. I've been reading it at night. Clearly. An interridion. I think Hazel, we should think about, you know, people that make you feel not so good. you know, killing them isn't the best course of action. Unless it is.

Oh, what if they steal from you? I mean, I don't think that deserves, that has earned their death. Hazel, if someone would have come up to you, right? Yeah? And you had like a delicious cinnamon-covered pretzel. I love it. There's a sugar on it too. Of course, there is.

A little, yeah, a little bit of honey. Surely a lot of bit of honey. Okay, I can see it. Go ahead. And you know what? You even have like a small, like warmed up bowl of frosting that you can dip it in, you know? That's like really hard to come by. That's a real treat. I know. If you have that? I don't. If so, if you had it, though, and someone came and stole it from you, what would you do to do to that person?

Oh, let's slit the throat. No questions. I rest my case. At the end of the day, it doesn't sound like we have a problem. Either they're both alive and there's no loose ends that need to be tied up or they're both dead. And there's no loose ends that need to be tied up. And if they survived and they got away with 600 of our gold pieces, which was your winnings, then we're even. We tried to get one up on them. They got one up on us. We can all walk away happy. Well, they can't because they did.

Maybe. I'm going to dry off my armor. I'm going to start. I'll take five minutes to doff my armor. It's a wet dog. Smells like bugs in a park. It smells like a runny. It comes back and gets just dows down.

I'm just really. I'm just med. I guess I've got the pies, but I just don't like to be tricked, I think. Well, to be fair, we walked away with 600 gold pieces, and we tricked people out of that, and I got this neat pocket watch. So did we get it? You see, it's like, they're the rabbit. And then he's like, I'm going to take, and then he's like, looks over at Peggy.

Ah, nice day, nice day, nice day, nice day. All of the other, all of the other people who had been scammed out of their money, are horrified and they just go about their business. Well, consider they potentially watched multiple murders. They look at Bitsy, like covered in grease and blood and rust. Y'all got any bacon soda? So did we come out ahead in this venture? Yeah, yeah, we're good.

Oh, all right. Again, it would have been nice to get away with the full amount, but, you know. It could have been worse. I got 500 gold pieces right here. I added them to my inventory in their minds. I would say you probably deserve them for the performance inside of the ring. I'll remove them then. And in that case, no, no, that's fine.

I'm going to take the remaining 7,500 and everybody else can track their own then too. That sounds good. However you want to do it. I didn't know we were playing first man. I'm totally fine with that. You can do that if you want to. No, I'm totally fine with that. You all get to add 2,000 gold pieces of your inventory.

Oh, including myself. That's correct. 2,000? That's going on. Yeah, we had 7,500 before we got on the boat. That's we take my. And that was after we, uh... We walked away with 10K.

At the, uh, after we robbed the treasury. It's robbed all of the taxes that you could care. But to be fair, that was our 10K. You know what's fucking weight? I didn't have any gold. It's magic. No, it's not. It doesn't really shit.

2,000 gold pieces. I'm rich, bitch. Okay. Amazing. Are we almost there? Wow, this is awesome. I can stop my own business, man. I'll look at the pocket watch that I have now acquired from the Plossom family.

Well, you know, we got a little bit more time here on the barge, but this is only our first stop. We paid for two clearings. So I guess we'll see if old otter guy on the steer in the boat here has a job for us here. But, you know, we paid for passage and other clearing away. And then hopefully we get all the way to the Woodland Alliance. Is it going to go straight through? Do we stop in what war?

Oh, I'm sure. We'll stop. I'm sure some people paid together. here. Oh, that's fair. Okay. Like, do we get an offshore leave? Well, I guess we should talk to Scampi. See what we got to do about that. He scares me a little bit. He scares me a little bit, too, but now we're deep in this. It's not going to be squeezed getting out. Oh, God. I don't really know your meaning, but, oh, okay. Mrs. Scampby? Skipper, Skamp. Scamp. Scamp. Scamp. Scamp me, Skipper. Scampy, skimpy.

You can call me Skampy. You can call me Skipper, or Skipper Skampy. What about skamps? No, never scamps. I'll give you the scamps. And you don't want to find out what that is. What about skips? I'm sorry.

That's fine. Skip, scamp. I do like skipping. We'll go with skips. How far are we to walk wallow? No, we should be there by the end of the day. That's pretty good. Hi, we're almost there.

Before sunset, probably. All right. Are we going to get some time to go into town? Yeah, no, I got to stock up. I've got to do a few things. You know, got to send a letter to click clock about all Uncle Jimbo. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I think they said they was there, maybe. I don't remember. All right. This is some random guy. Hey, you Jimbo? Yeah, that's my question. Oh, my God. be safe, you just kill every jimbo and click clock crossing.

How many could there possibly be? Yeah, a couple dozen. It's not that common a name. Well, I miss the, probably the jimbo I'm thinking of. It's local jimbo's found. The jimbo murderers strikes again. Here you, here you. String of jimbo murders.

Change your name quickly. It's like that scene in The Terminator when he goes to the directory and he looks up all the Sarah Connors. Yeah. Why does he point at the, the directory. He's got robot vision. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Just helps. It's for the audience. I know it is. Forshed. Just helps.

Sorry, this has been a random... Oh, I'm standing grudge. Yeah. Doesn't make it is all right. So that's good then. We're going to have some time in town. Is there anything... Peggy? I mean, that's your town, right? Anything you want to do while we're This is where you're from? Yeah, no, not really. I don't want to see my sisters. Do you have sisters?

Yeah. Did they also create universes? No. Oh, they're not as smart as I am. I don't think many people are smart as you are. Oh, Hazel, you're so sweet. Can it make the greatest of friends? We're not friends now?

So yeah, I don't really want to see my family while we're here. while we're here. Oh, what should we do then? I could eat. Now and when we get there. Yeah, we can see if Alexander Hamletode is going to have a dinner or something that could be kind of nice. He's gloated, so. At the Mayer's house, that could be really fun.

Is he really mad? Well, he was in a previous iteration of my character at the very end, so he may only one now. It's been a while since I've been mashed. It's nothing as steady as the governmental policy of the didwood. I mean, that's true. You never know. You blink and just... My sister's married to him now, you know.

Flyzer. Is that going to be all right? If we eat there with him, you'd have to see your sister. No, I don't have to look at her. It's fair. That's the great thing about being able to control your eyes separately. Hi, Phith. You're looking well.

I was talking to that squirrel over there. I'm just gonna take a nap until we're there. That sounds like a good idea. I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past 15 minutes. I'm pretty tired too. I could do with a snooze. Please. Skipper? I don't mean to alarm you. No.

I think we've got a spot of bad luck. Oh, no. I think... There's the... Cookie. Cookie? Is it a cookie? No, it's with it, man.

It's a... And... The one. The Zee. And there is an incredibly loud splash ahead of you. I don't know. As you see the chitinous shell of what looks to be a monstrous crawfish. This is brought to you by a legend.

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And don't forget to snack all them extra goodies like dice and miniatures and plushes and a tarot deck and more. Thank you from Legends of Adventress. There is a loud splash as a very large crawlfish. That was some signs. Spice. Monstrous spikes all over its shell, bright oranges and reds. that appear almost changing color from a murky brown and green and blue

as if it had been camouflaged. This beast called the creeping crustacean, allegedly. Oh, I forgot that happened. Yeah, we're toast. I don't know how we're gonna do this. No, I mean, this is the campaign where you mentioned something and then it is offhand and it happens in the campaign.

Oh, what do you know? It appears. Damn it. It's only we don't win the lottery. It's right. As it appears a mere 20 feet from the barge, this thing is huge. It's even bigger than the Queen Bee that you had fought previously. As it emerges and lunges forward in a single motion, and you hear an almost cartoonish scream as it plucks off one of the otters.

and pulls it into the river. Is it scampy? It is not scampy. Fuck. We were almost out. As you hear Wilhelm scream. Ah! Yeah.

We were almost out. As it then dives back in to the water. As all of the passengers scream, as they gather in the center of the ship and the, and the cruise goes to their harpoons to attempt to flank the sides. you all do. What is there? What the hell is that? I don't like the sound of that. I don't know.

He's that a creepy crustacea. You see the old, the old sailor. Who said it first? Did you summon it? I was just saying random things. I thought a crustacean was a mouse. We know a crustacean is that thing. That's a crustacean. What exactly is that thing?

It's what I call it the creeping crustacean. It keeps saying that word. And I said, what is it? And I said, well, what is that? And you say, well, what is it? Another name is, another name on the river is Big Bad Crawdady. Oh, God. That's pretty good.

What's it do? Is it friendly? It just killed Phil. No, Phil. I think I missed that. Is there any chance of us out running it? Oh, you know, I've seen. The creeping crustacea and the big bad crawled daddy, the magical crawdad, citizen snips.

It goes by many names. Should we be quiet? We need to protect all these people. Hi. Because you're poor and innocent. And he didn't do nothing. Day would want to summon the crawled. Peggy just put two words together in their mind and just materialized the horrible monster of the rhythm.

I can't help that I created magic and that magic. I can't inevitably drawn to me in the font of magic that wells within my soul. You just have to stop thinking of things. If it just comes true, if you can't, I can't storm it. I do every night. We invoked, we invoked the creeping crustacean

now we are truly doomed. I've already had two days ration of grog. We just have to think. And the skipper doesn't even ration grow. That's my own rations. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You have grog? What's grog?

Are you trying to get my grog? Yeah, you should share some with us. You're holding out on us, man. Yeah, if we're all going to dough anyway, why not? I hold out to dinner. He goes over and he pulls this huge barrel and he drags it. He's definitely the biggest of the otters. And he drags the barrel over and he tells him.

Okay, here you go. No time like the present. Here you go. Cheers. How is this going to stop the crustacee, Booker? Oh, it's not. I just really wanted some grog. I have a feeling we're all going to do.

die here. Uh, oh. That way. Oh, no. We're not gonna die. The Fox family looks at you, they're huddling and they say, Are you sure there's nothing you can do? Do you want to get Snips Snips naps by citizen Snips?

We just have to think, what does Citizen Snips want? I assume to eat all of us. And does it, does it speak? Is it in intelligent... Oh, that's actually a really good question. Small family, distract them for five minutes, and I'm going to don my arm. I turn it around and I, us?

The family that was like cowering in here. You see, you see as, there's a mother, a father, and a child, as the father looks and he says, you're absolutely right, I have to be brave. You're gonna protect us if I distract it. No, no, no. Hold on, I just need five minutes. And I can buy you five minutes.

Is it actively, like, breaching or is it like up out of the water? So it is lurked down below. You get the sense of the lurking predator, it's the creeping crustacean. And so it's going to cut. Okay. You say, oh, he's going to come back around! How did the first guy die? Like a claw just came up.

A claw, he leaped out. You just saw this crustacean that it's true colors. It was like the worm in Beetlejuice that just like leaps out. I see. Yeah, exactly. Literally. It's sandworm. It's a crawfish, right?

It's got a million of those lovely creepy legs on the, on the understardion. It's a deck of a pod. A million. It feels like a million in my mind. It would be scarier if it was half crawfish, half miladyed. It's nine or eight legs and two. And two walls. So what is your name?

Owey, my name? The fox guy's name was gonna help me distract this beast. Oh, oh, oh. Not to you or the other you. Tim. His name's Timmy. Timmy. Timothan.

Timifant. Timmytham. Timillam. Timmy the olif. fan. Tim, Tim, Tim Tocke. Tim Tocke. Tim Tocerson. Timberlake. Timberland. Like's gonna make us all die. Tiny Tum. Timmy Tuto.

Timothy. Tommy Tito. The name is Cain. Wow, I don't know why I had a whole bunch of other names flown through my ears, but I never saw that one coming. Alright, I have an idea. Tim's my father's name. Oh, that's weird. Oh, that's a clue. It's very serendipitous. I don't know why.

I just felt like sharing that. You're going to help me to stretch this thing. But you're going to be my backup. Don't go first, all right? I have a feeling, you're just giving off a lot of weird vibes right now, and I feel like if you get too close to that thing, it might be the end.

He's going to kill you. No, if it's my weird vibes, it's probably my slingshot. I'm mighty lethal with a slingshot, and he turns over and you see that there's actually a flag hanging from his back with the skull on it. Okay, all right, that's fine. Good.

You use the slingshot, but not unless things start to go bad. I just need you to back me up, all right? We're going to go to the side of the boat where we think it's coming up next. Are you with me? Yeah, I'm with you. I said, Kay, are you with me? Yeah, I'm with you.

All right, come on. And we're going to run to where we think the old otter is saying that it's coming around next. Oh, you see here and grabs a harpoon. It's huge and barbed, and it's definitely rustic. I'm going to come with as well. Okay. I'll also be running behind them.

I'm slipping a little bit, so I'm not as fast. and running past them as I probably would be in a normal sense, but I'm yelling to, does anybody got a bunch of old babe? Obey what? Obey? Obey. Oh, bay.

Your buckets. Obey. You're saying two words, but you're not finishing your sentence. Obey what? Isn't that? I thought it was a... Old bay shoes. Oh, bay.

Baby and a carrot. There's a lot. large shape underneath the water as it moves. Make a perception check to see where you think this thing might breach next. All right, I have something I'd like to do. If I could once I can see it. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody should take cover.

That's not bad. Perception? Yep. A buttload. Hold on. This damn D&D Beyond is not cooperating with me at the moment. Perception, as some people like to say, oh, wow, it's only a plus two. So I got a 20.

20. I would say with that, you look, and you see that on the, the port side of the ship that there is. The boat actually, the barge is knocked a little bit, and you stumble forward and you see this massive shape appear beneath the water, and you see a faint sliver of orange where perhaps the camouflage isn't exactly entirely set in yet

from the previous attack, and maybe a little bit of blood from Phil. Oh, God. If I can approximate where I think that it is, I will get to the edge of the boat and look at it, and I will squat deep down and hold up two of my hands like claws and begin to go, as I dance back and forth on the edge of the boat

and use universal speech. As an action, I can choose five creatures in 60 feet. The chosen creatures can magically understand me regardless of the language that I speak for one hour. Once I use this feature, I can't do so again until I finish a long rest or expanded a spell slot. And so then I'll just be like on the edge.

Everybody's freaking out, and I'm just going to be like, and I'm doing the best shouting that I can do and a gurgling and foam is like spitting everywhere. Oh, like when crabs go like that and their mouth bubbles. And I'm doing my best to... I am become crab. We're all going to become crabs eventually apparently, I'm just attempting to communicate with it.

Okay. You do that and you are all splashed with water. As it leaps out, you see that Kane in his, he's a very simple commerce. He seems like he might be a fisherman. He has a slingshot and he's getting ready to let it fly, and a claw is going directly towards him and his death flag. So you start doing that, and there's a moment of hesitation.

You see these large eyes on stalks. They almost pulse with a strange color within them. I can't understand what he's saying. But to the best of my ability in my crustacean speech, I will say, stop, don't attack. We don't mean any harm. Please, receive back. to the bottom of the river.

If you must take someone, you can take Cain. Oh, fucker. Hold on, hold on. I'll just need like three, maybe, maybe two more minutes. Make an animal handling check at advantage, because he spoke its crab language, it's crustacean language. 16. 16.

You see, despite this massive beast, emerging out of the water, you see its stop, as its one claw is out of the river. You now see as the greens and browns and blues are now turning to bright reds and oranges and yellows, as it's bright shale, it's camouflage,

as it's out of the water. seemingly the water hides it. And it stops. And you see that there's a sort of strange fascination as you are scuttling back and and then its eyes focus both on you. And then suddenly there's this horrible slurry of just bubbles spill down onto the deck and you hear,

I can't understand what it's saying. I look at love. I'm good. I'll just say back to it. See, this is going well. As you can see, we don't mean any harm, and we don't need, there doesn't need to be any more bloodshed other than Kate today.

Why? Poor game. You see, make another animal handling check in advantage. Don't get out. 15. 15. 15. 15.

Black Donald's face. 15. 15. You see. You see as it looks at you, and then I scan the boat, and it's like claws going back and forth. And then I do this. Oh no, to attack.

Make one more animal. I'll like to be it managed. I just need one or two more minutes. 21. You hear Kink all out. I'm protecting you family. I'm making you. Before that happens, I'm gonna cast web.

And I'm gonna pull out two jars of like, literally like spider webs, and I'm gonna crack them open. I'm gonna shoot them forward out of my hand. And I'm gonna try and entangle this thing in webs. Okay. Oh no, Kaye. He's grabbed. And so you're gonna cast the web.

And so a dexterity saving throw? 13. Yes. Yes, also you fail. So you see as the webs, he grabs Kane and he's struggling against it, but as he's getting pulled into the water, the web slam it down onto the deck.

Flettenes. Almost done. Should I attack? Should I go? I wouldn't, but you know, hey, you're your own free person with your own free will and you can make your own free decisions. We're gonna make sure that you don't go down today, Cain. Don't you worry, we've got your back, right, Booker?

I'm coming to save you, King! I'm gonna run up and I'm going to attempt to pull him free of the claw. As best I can, rest him out and see if I can get him away from this nightmare monstrosity. Making an athletics or an athletic contest against the giant crustacean monster. Athletics, you say.

Athletics. 18. Not acrobatics? 18. 18. 17. 17. So you're pulling and pulling.

I'm a distraction. Ah, tink, tink, can we say that my armor is on it? So finally, I'm done, K, just hold on. I'm gonna stand up, grab my halber, pick it up, and I'm gonna look at it and I'll say, it's crawber in time. And I'm gonna sprint at it and make an attack. The giant crawfish looks at you very hurt and betrayed.

Yeah, well, I tried. I'm gonna try to like chop it, you know, like add a joint. Make an attack roll. Oh God. Tylo. That looks pretty good. That is a 22 hit.

20 will hit. Gotta be good enough. Ooh. Okay, so at first, it's going to do 13 points of damage. And as it cleaves it. cleaves in, I want to like take my forearm and like smash it like I'm taking a knife and like hammering on the back to divine smite. Nice.

And how does design smite work? Is that he just adds extra d8s per level of the spell? If it hits, which it did. It did hit and so I am going to do it at a second level, fuck it. Yeah. So that's 3D8, so it's 2d8 base plus 1 for every extra level, so I'm gonna do one, two. Why am McDonough?

Frye? Three. So because they're like triple-puffs that are fluffy on the inside, but crispy out of the house. Like it's just big or nonsense. 28 points of damage. 28 points of damage.

You run up and as you take your halberd, you, it's like you're at a crab feast as you do this and this, and then you hear, you hear, once again another one of the pellets from Kane's slingshot. Bink! Bink! And you hear, as it snaps the claw off, it drops completely limp onto the deck. As the... Oh, my God.

Oh, thank you, Kane! Run away! As the crustacean rears back and looks at its claw and looks down at his shoulder. I can still feel it. And there's also... as there is all sorts of just this delicious white meat that falls out of it, that pours out of it onto the deck.

And it lets out of all this disgusting stinky bubbles mixed with mud and dirt drip on the deck is attempting to communicate with you. I can't see it. Looking very hurt and betrayed. And then in a sudden, it disappears. It disappears under the waves, having lost a claw and retreating. My children need food.

We'll never know. Get away from the age. You almost die! I'm gonna like try to open the claw and like let him out. I'm gonna continue to pull and pull him in half. No, we don't do that. No, no, let me open the claws first. Now you can pull. No, no that way.

You pull the opposite direction. He is broken free. as he looks at you, Booker, and says, that was a good distraction. How did you know that the fraud was gonna web it? Thank you very much. You saved my life. Wow, I like you.

Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. You were a real good distraction, Paul, until Mr. Buckman was able to get you, get rid of that claw. I can't believe that you, you felt that beast's cold. I didn't know your last name's Pugman

I mean it's not but I kind of like it Pugly Pugman has a nice ring to them No, it would be Grumly Pugman Yeah but if that's not your real name Maybe you should have a false first name too Wait, do you have a last name now I mean probably I don't know

I prefer it just calls you grumly We haven't really discussed that In the Nairna's perspective I have a last name It's not This is easy because it's nut. It's true. I also have a last name, though.

What's your last name? Flyler. Oh, that's right. Eggie Flyler. Why? Like Flyler, like ER at the end? Ugly. It's like Silen, huh?

Hazel, Nud. Hank. That's right. I was worried you wouldn't remember from a minute there. Hank. Uh, giving it the music's changed, I guess the Croddads gone. That's right, no chance to be coming back. I'm looking over the edge and I'm gonna be on God.

I don't know. I feel very in danger right now. Hey, no. You see the Gron Pearl's very empty. Look at all this meat. O' there, scowardly. The creepy ingratation. What's your name?

What do? I ain't Orville. And Zuber, Seaman, call me Seaman Orville, and it became derisive, and I told him to stop. How much room have you had, Oval? I bet a lot of grog. What grog is? Could you explain that over?

It's water in room. It's watered down room. If I get in because of my grease, we can make a Sazerag. If I get in because of my grief. I ain't except in my pay. Is he supposed to do something? What?

Huh? Someone should put it to bed. Oh, frozen peas. Do you mean like, put him in bed? Yeah, of course, I'll just said that. Oh, you won't return until the claw is regrown. Oh, great grown? Perhaps returning to civilization to wreak vengeance.

When civilization we six bags, That's the legend anyway. Oh, that's just a story, I'm sure. But we'll never... As long as no one invokes. What? Oh, you're this easy. Oh, I thought we already did that.

So you only invoke it by saying the creeping crustacean? Oh, yeah, it doesn't recall. Oh, you're safe. Can I say? The creeping crustacean. Oh, the creeping crustacean. Creeping crustacean. Creeping. in this flash.

It doesn't have any fun of assistance, does it? It has a second claw. No, she's big bad Crawm mommy. It's all family. We don't step on me, Craw, Mommy. I mean, do. To this point that Skipper Scampi runs down, maybe this old crazy guy is right,

then you guys are bad luck. What the fuck happened? I mean, well done. But what the fuck? Yeah, bad luck's probably a pretty good way to put it, yeah. No, we're not bad luck. You think we are? Eh, maybe a little bit.

Okay, mate, I don't know. But I don't feel... I mean, what are the chances that we'd string together a couple of random words, and that's what happened? Let's be real here. It's pretty unlucky. To be fair, I am full of magic.

I mean, Peggy invented magic, and she invented a creeping crustacean. Who knows what else she can get infected? Oh, you know, they're crazy. Creeping her station. Just don't say things and see if it comes true. A lot of money. Say pumpkin fritters.

Why? Just say it. Pumpkin fritters. Say it louder. Pumpkin fritters. Oh, they're almost done. Oh my God, it's working! I shoot nest in the face.

Oh, I hated being a rebel. I don't want to be a political agent. You cook this claw while it's still fresh? Yeah. You can have a fry? If I ever lose my arm, please don't cook it, need it. Why that? I mean, the claws is different than an arm.

Do you know how much money that thing is worth? No. How much? From my big bad crawled, Danny? Yeah, no, still know. How much? Oh, is it a lot? Oh, yeah, we can make...

I can make a lot of money here. Well, hold on. I was the one what severed it from its body, so... That's true. Grumly kind of did all the work. Through the wrong. by the conquest, I think that close mine. Especially when we're in, you know,

maritime salvage laws and whatnot. That's true. Yeah, that's exactly wrong. If you want it, you're going to have to grease rassle for it. Uh-oh. And you really don't want to do that you can. Not against air. I'm a champ.

You look surround. What the fuck is all this grease on my boat? It's duck grease. Ducrease. Ducker people. Peggy, hug your jaw, sir. Henry, hi to Johnson's Greece. Do the possums do this? Yeah.

Yes, they did. I fucking eight teenagers. Every last drop in Greece. You should ask, that's exactly what happened. You can't trust him. Crazy. That's why we had to light him on fire and pitch him over the boat. Yeah, I'm glad you murdered them.

Oh, man, I was feeling a little bad about it, but. Okay. So, and you don't get a discount, by the way. from being attacked and almost killed by a gigantic crawfish. That's fine if we just take, we'll just take the clow then. Yeah, to be fair, I was the one that summoned the creature in the first place. That's true. It's really your claw. And Brumley, it's like a splitzies. Okay, okay. This thing is not going to stay fresh very long. Okay.

We can come to an agreement. I'm a businessman. I'm a skipper of my own barge in the River Folk Company. and it's quite a prestigious title. You know this? No. You don't know this? Do you know what I've had to do? Mouse. Do you know the filthy things these hands have done,

these little harder hands? Oh, my God. They look awfully filthy, is? They're also real cute. I play with rocks and I hold hands while I sleep. That's adorable. That's adorable. That's not cute when I hold hands and then the other one has a knife.

I don't know. That sounds kind of cute. I'll get you like, do you know, check for tonight. Can we just see it and make a decision? Maybe, you know. Me a group persuasion. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I think I got to come in. I think I got a little check. I can't remember any of my skills on this guy. Oh, 20. 21.

20. I got a 30. I got a 30. I got a 30. I got a 9. Oh. The DC was very high, but it doesn't fucking matter. He's like, fine.

Oh, no. Most amazing. Wow. Look at that. You guys sound like my mother. You're happy now? Yeah. I bash people over the head with that rock.

So what's the agreement if this is our claw? If... You agree to just leave us alone? Well, if you find someone to sell it to, I am busy. My whole evening is planned with stuff I have to do for the boss and the Don. I can't take time away from it. You find somebody to sell it too? We split the profit 50-50.

Very reasonable. I don't know. Again, I really kind of feel like... Like we did a lot of the work, 90-10. 90-for-us, of course. But, yeah, but we saved your life. If we hadn't been here to chop off that thing's arm. No, my fellow's here.

Good with the harpoon. You see one is against the side of the ship. Doming. I don't know. This isn't a very good look for you, Scampi. I'm just saying, if we hadn't been here, things would have gone very, very south. 90-10. 90-for-us.

This is a riverfolk company excursion. It's a three-hour and change tour. And we've rightfully paid our way? Well, I feel like when a gigantic river monster attacks a barge that's owned by the Don, any appendages or otherwise that are procured in that is rightfully the Don's property. 80-20 and I'm not going to penny law. Have you seen the Don? I'll feel like you wouldn't have a barge no more.

If Grumley didn't knock that cloth. That's what I'm saying. Maybe you should tell the Dawn that. If you answer your question, no, I haven't seen the Don. You haven't met the Dawn? Can't say that I have. You heard of him. But I bet you he'd be very happy to hear that we saved your boat.

You heard of him? You know, I could always call the creeping crustacean back with my magic, and we won't interfere this time, and maybe you can have two claws or no barge. He narrows eyes a little bit. And you see as Orville's dad, though. Oh, creeping. By luck, there's magic. Do not bring me to.

Is he an honor to? Yeah, he's just a random human being. It's just Mike. It's just Mike. It's surrounded by woodland critters. I already said he's an honor, miss opportunity. And he, and then you see Scampi is just narrows his eyes, and he says, 60-40, final offer.

Oh, come on, you're breaking my balls here. Again with the breaking the balls. 75.25. Molder. I can't believe you would even offer him not. Even after that rock trick, then I did. We saved your life. It was pretty good. How about zero zero?

And I chuck that thing off the side of the bowl. Let's not be hasty. You just better watch out. I can go invisible. She can. Please don't ask a deal. You can go invisible. Start to take my clothes on.

We really are going to find out why they're going to. call her Peggy. That could mean so many things. It's a very good point, Bidsey. It means it's like at least three or four things. 3070 and you are going to do me a favor when we get back to Muck Bed Creek. What's the favor? I won't know what the favor is until I talk to the Don.

Well, I don't know if we can take that deal. What's the worst it could be? What sorts of favours does the Don usually ask for? Why is he asking for anything? We're bargaining with you. Well, it's just sweet. It's the pot. 30%?

This is the Riverfolk Company. This is River Folk Company. This is River Folk Company. That's Riverfolk Company, uh, Grog. How much have you heard? We haven't had any. That's all or even take a single sip. Yeah, it was all awful.

We didn't, we didn't even take a single sip. Well, I'll tell you what. I don't even ration this stuff. I'll give you, we'll give you 5%, no, no, uh, deals. No, what's the word he's saying? Favors, no favors. Or, and that's 5% to you, personally, you, Mr. Skippy Scamper.

Um, or we'll just go over your head. When you won't get a scrap. what say you to that? I really don't understand what you just said. It means you get 5% and nothing else and you just leave us alone or we're going to do the dawn and we're going to tell them

that you tried to skim off the top. And you'll be very confused. You're trying to persuade me to skim off the top. Yeah, I know. I would never do that. I think he wants the money for the company. I mean, I'm sure the dawn gets most of it. I think 730 is pretty generous.

We're kind of a dumbie-dose side. You can just have it for free. You know what? I'm going to unleash absolute chaos on this situation. Hazel, that's food. That crab claw right there? You see that juicy, sweet succulent? That is food gold.

I don't know. Have you ever had fraud ad before? I usually... Yeah, don't tell her it's a delicacy or anything. It is a delicacy. It is only like the highest elite could taste something like that. It is the most succulent delicious thing you'll ever have in your entire life. You're going to regret this day.

Hold on, hold on. Just a little bit of the duck. Booker, I feel like you have the ability to stop dishes some way. You just try a little, just try a little bit, Hazel, and let's see what happens. Just try it. It's pretty good. He wants to take that from you. He wants to give that to someone else. I don't think you understand the situation, bud.

Now you get nothing. Okay, let's not be hasty. 80-20. I didn't want to have to. to do this. 80-20 is fair. 80s 20 is fair. Fair for who?

Do you think you could... Hayes- I'll give you 20% in my foot in your ass. That's a lot of the shit. Why is your name not Peggy? Holy shit. Peggy's her middle name. I don't really understand it. He's a peg of Peggy f***.

Not. Many things are. Okay, nothing. He doesn't deserve it. He's a piece of... 80-20 sounds very reasonable. Thank you. Let's shake on it. If I shake on him, I'm going to have to worry about speedy here. I want to cut it off. That sounds great. It's better than the deal you just offered it. Right, Booker? That's right. You're very good at math. Okay, someone who speaks sense. See, I good. Like a loyal dog here.

Otter's best friend, they say. It's 80% is pretty good. That's like almost... Stool of it. Do we still have owe you the favor? Nope. When you shook on it, there was nothing about a favor in there. Yeah, no, that's right. Then fuck. All right, let's pick this thing up and get it on shore. Come on. We gotta get gone. You're gonna get gone. It won't stay very good for long. You gotta find a buyer. Come on. You're gonna regret this. My cheeks are like, my eyes.

You're welcome to stay at Wardwallow if you want. They're a little funny. Actually. Oh, you're allergic? Oh, I should have, I should have mentioned that it's a really common allergy. Oh, God, look at your eyes. Wait, that's because it's a chipmunk? No, no, I don't think pus comes out of your eyeballs naturally. Oh, God!

Let's get no wild! What's her thing? Oh, God. Oh, God, can you open your mouth? My paws! I guess your life's bad. Are we there yet? Or we still got time?

I think I need a damn. What is your little? Brod does he close up. We have a doctor on board. He's going to do a trache. Jesus. You sure? We better be quick.

We better be quick. I've got a paper straw. He looks like Madison Blue from Dragon Paul's room. You, there is a deal that is made. You agree to to find a buyer. to make the sail and the sun is slowly dropping behind the tree line of the dim wood. As you hear the hustle and bustle, you see more and more ships pass you and going up and down the river.

As you see the massive lake that's Wartwall, both Wartwallow and Muttbed Creek sit on, far across this lake is Muckbed Creek so far that you can't really even see it past the horizon. But you make your way and you hear the hustle and bustle as you hear the buzzing of flies and dragonflies and the sound of croaking of frogs and just people and toads. you see that the tree tops up, built up into these, into the swampy trees are filled with, with Whippoorwills and ducks and herons and egress. As you make- What's she doing here? This isn't Game of Thrones.

Oh, I know. And finally, an arrow flies out of nowhere. Oh. Just one moment. Wait, actually. I want to see what's going. Okay. Okay, how much damage would it have done?

Let me roll. I didn't really think that far. No. It would have done six points of damage. Okay, I reduced the damage by 16, and if I reduce it to zero or less, and I have a free hand, I can spend one key point, which I still have, to immediately turn around

and just the Northman style, the same direction that it came from, I immediately whip it back out into the air. Oh, as you are pulling into the larger town, an arrow whizzes towards you, and you instinctually grabbed into the eating back. And you see on the side of the river snickering one with a bow and not hanging

from their tails upside down. Cartoonishly covered. covered and soot. You see the two boss of Jeremy and Jimith. How much damage is to do it when you throw it back? Six. And you... Is it just what was coming in? As it is Jimothy, the one with the bow. He would let loose the arrow. And you hear a...

As he just dropped from the tree. I hit and he takes 11 points of damage in return. He drops into the very very... dense underbrush of reeds. And Jeremy looks, he's just, you're gonna pay! And they scamper's down into the underbrush. Timothy, if you had a wrestler name,

it would be weak baby. The weak baby? Remember the time I was killed him in one head? I remember. Why won't you die? You smell like grease! In my head canon, I did. It's just that DMT, it's a thing

that's important for narrative reasons. According to the rules of the game, but they actually have a possum racial feature. They're nearly immortal. Fane death. Playing possum. I love that Chad's immediate responses murdered them. As Jimpathy is punctured by an arrow and they just collapse into the reeds and you hear taunts and skittery. I can't believe that.

I've got some nerves. They tried to kill me with an arrow, so I tried to kill him with an arrow. I think that's not as tip for ten. It seems fat. Yeah. Notes. That's great. What's tit for tat?

That was incredible. Oh, thank you. Can you do that with all projectile weapons? Really, any projectile weapon that I can carry. I mean, if it was like a big boulder and it was flying through the air because it was shot out from like a catapult or a trebueche, I wouldn't be able to do that. Maybe Peggy. You don't know what tit fat is, but you know how to pronounce trebushae.

And I can't. But hey. It's very inconsistent. I can't say it's bad, Eddie. I can't say it's for him. Oh, gee, trips me up every time. You think the weasels have a trebice? I don't know.

Who are the weasels? The rival family of the otters. Do you think those opossums are part of the weasel family? Maybe I'll have Jimbo make a visit to the Dom, get some answers around here. You didn't like Jimbo That's what I mean Those little scamps

Related to Jimbo And they're working for the weasels No I don't like it Well, we'll put you on personal Guard detail of the Don Anyways We're here

I think you got a job I got shit I gotta do I don't need a job I'm gonna start a business Where should we sell This giant crowfish claw That's what you're getting the money for I don't have time to figure that out.

I'm sure we can find a place. You know. Restaurant? I don't. Big city. I don't have time to think about this. Okay, you know, Orville, you stay and watch the barge. Oh, thank you.

Thank you for patronizing the Riverfolk Company barge services. You have to tell all your friends it was the greatest ship you ever had or else. Hey, I missed on several times. All of the passengers are just walking off very slowly. You spend thousands of times. dollars for that. I think I would have been safer back at Clicklock

crossing. Probably. Thanks for the grog, Orel. I'll see you next time. Also, don't you hate it when the Inflat In Barge movie is just long enough that you only get to the last 10 minutes

and then you have to depart? You get all that momentum, you're never going to get it back. I'll spray a half. What a tease. You already pick movies that are going to end after you land? Well, it was for Fellowship the Rings. Why would they pick that movie? She asks it.

It's like a fall. That's like at least 12-hour movie. If someone keeps pausing in as well, there's no fucking talk. There's really no reason to call Orville out for that, all right? He's had a lot of garage. Orville, you see that there's like a little puppet theater, and Orville has like a winged demon with a whip, hand puppet and like a wizard in a gray hat. Whoa.

Oh, I thought we had more time. Oh, this is my favorite part. He's going to say, you shall not pass. And then he's going to, he's going to jump in the pit. Now you have to get out. Kill the thing by himself so he gets all the experience. Oh, wait, pose it. Is that Gandalf?

Yeah. And he's going to, so he's going to get all the experience because the rest of the party leave. Wait, and then the next time he makes him, he's a level 20 wizard. Oh, he's going to fall off that thing. No, but he doesn't really. He doesn't really. He's going to get. kill it on his own and get all the experience, so he becomes a level 20 wizard, and the rest of them are just walking across the land for a while.

Even so, they think he died. I mean, don't you just feel terrible for Dildo? Well, technically, he did die. Well, he sort of died. His mortal coil died. Dildo's dead? No, not Dildo's dead. I am the serving of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of honor. You cannot promise. The dark fire will not avail you flame of adune.

Can we make that Patreon content? You just drunkenly re-inact with sock puppets the entire fellow just for like four hours. It's going to take a while. I get to get off the barge. We got to make all the sock boats. But all them were deceived. Guys, we got to get this cremcloth. We all gotta lift together, come on.

I don't really think I should touch it in. Can I carry it on my own? No, you'll need help. You're very strong, we're getting help. I'll toss some robe and help drag it. Oh, at the front of it, the pincerey part of the claw. If I stand on your feet, I can do this and hold the bottom of the claw as you're like hugging it

against your chest. Okay. Very helpful. Can I tie your legs to my legs? I'm just gonna stand on your feet and then I'll lift up like this and I support the weight. Physics of all must make you no sense. You can balance on me feet?

Yeah. I'll just step forward when you step forward and look in lockstep like this and I'll help carry it. This is going to work perfectly. That's fine. This is how physics works. We pick up the claw. Are there any like, do we see any little like eateries

or like restaurants or marketplaces as we're approaching? I would say that you're able to go out into the town that is a very large and sprawling town in a very strong contrast to the hills and the apiaries of Clip-Clock Crossing. This is very swampy and wet, and there's lots of insects floating about. You are in a Wormtwallow.

Wurlowe. It's very swampy here. I'll share the map. Yeah, there you go. I forgot the name. Oh, you made it. This is our little wreck. Oh, we did it.

As you are disembarking, you hear the heavy footsteps of armored boots on the dock. As you see a cat and you see a mouse in armor wearing Marquis-a-taverns, and they approach, and you see that Skipper Scampi says, give me a felons. Okay, okay, here's your brime, use your brime, gives you a brine. Brides for this, okay, there we go, okay. A bribe for you, a bribe for you. A bribe for me. You, two bribed for me.

And the Marquis Zot soldiers pay you no mind. They just completely turn their heads from all the goods being unloaded by the dock workers and unloaded the five Agabonds with a gigantic crawfish claw. And you know, and Peggy being from here also knows that there's a handful of restaurants in here. There's the Windy Willow, there's the Grub and Go, there's the old stump in, there's Just Ans, there, and there is Quagdonald's. Of course, there is.

Yeah. Should have known. So Peggy, what can't, is you like a wish of fanciest restaurant in the clearing? Well, my favorite place to go is a place called Ampasand Pizza, but they closed down a few years ago. Oh, that's sad, I'm sorry. It's horrible.

The pizzas were shaped kind of weird though, so... Fuck of my day. Fucking horseshit, that was saying. Why not just make it circular, like all the other pizzas? Why is it got to be like all blonels? I thought you said you liked it. Yeah, it tasted good, but it looked like shit. They said that you could put whatever toppings you wanted on,

but they never do it. That's the way you wanted it. No, never do. Unfortunately. Well, is there any place that people might be willing to eat this horrible meat stick that makes your eyes swell shut? Is he had like a really fancy, like upscale bistro at sells, you know, escarp gar. Yeah, that would be the place.

For sure. I mean, snails. People eat snails? There's additional options as well, depending on what you make up. I'll have to think on it for a while, but I'm thinking that, you know, Joe's Crab Shack is probably going to be our best bet.

Oh, man, that doesn't sound very upscale. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. Some dude named Joe put a shack on the end of the water and fills it full of crabs. Well, if it's the best that we can do, I guess. Is it overpriced at least? No, if you want overpriced, you've got to go to hot and juicy. All right. Well, let's do that.

Now, they closed down a few years ago. They never had seating. Every time you'd show up, they'd be like, sorry. We don't have any seats. This is why you MOOCs do this job. Yeah. Goodbye. That's unfortunate.

We'll see how we shove off tomorrow morning. Well, maybe we could ask your friend, the mayor. We could go to Red Lobster. No, sorry, they closed down a few years back. Yeah. Yeah, Crovet hit him real hot. It's actually Corvid, Corvid-19. Thank you very much.

Yeah. The clientele was the elderly type. Oh, God. Oh. Just taking a turn. Well, in Potsville, we have illegal seafood. Do you think they have one of them? Illegal seafood?

Illegal seafood, yeah. That sounds great. We just need black malchis. No, I don't think I've ever heard of that place before. Oh, yeah. There's a place called Coastal Fats. It was run by this cool cat named Fats. Mm-hmm.

That closed down. It's pretty like dinner over the restaurant. Well, there was this owl place that served lots of different food, they probably would know how to cook up seafood. They were called hooters. Now, if you don't have that here. You know, I'm kind of surprised the contrast

of discreetering compared to Clicklock where it was like pies. Taverns and bread. Bread shop. All of a sudden, there's all these fancy restaurants with fancy names. Let's just head into town and see what we can go. Oh, I know where we can go.

They establish the central bank. We can go to. of five guys, five guys, burgers and crab claws. I know that it's not, it's not, whatever these things are, but if they take crab claws, they probably take crawdatties. Oh, you know, I really, you know, I really, give an idea you. And the coolest part about it is they serve peanuts. What's that? Well, you don't know what a peanut is. Why, what is it? It's like a weird, salty shell and you crack it open and you have to do it with your teeth and most of the time, like parts of the shell cracks open and gets in your mouth,

and you're trying to spit those out. We're also eating the nut. It's a little bit hairy, and it's kind of dusty sometimes, too, but it covered in salt. And so then you're trying to eat the nuts within, but sometimes you eat some of the shell too, and it's really messy, and you throw them in a cup. With a clientele like this,

I figured the name would have been Five Guys, Burgers, and Flies. It seems like a missed opportunity. No, I'm pretty sure that it's called Five Guys Burgers and Crab Claw's. It just doesn't really. hold off the tongue. I mean, you can take it up with the five guys that run it. All right, let's go to Joe Scrabb. On Silvers.

They have great. Oh, shit, they closed down like three or four years ago. I'm so glad we didn't open our restaurant here. Everything closed down. You know what? Under Mayor Bogoff, he was, the taxes were just crazy. Yeah. Why don't we just take it to the mayor, and I'm sure he'll pay us a handsome reward for his private dinner.

Oh, yeah. Maybe like a nice party he's throwing. Which way to the mayor's house? It's that big house over there with the big sign that says mayor's house. Oh. Let's go. We go over there. Say you start to smell a little.

I think we need to get it out of the sun. Would anyone like to buy a crustacean claw, slowly decaying crustacean claw? Look at the size of it. It's really big. Buy one, get one. One you bought. You make your way through the town and- Buy one, get one.

That's exactly right. Let me know if we pass the five guys. You do not pass the five guys. Shut down. Oh shit, look, that's where it used to be. Yeah, it's old shodder when we see the gun around. I went to DSW. I wanted to try peanuts.

We found you a peanut. They've already come in. Yeah? Yeah, especially you like that. you know in the further south clearings. Well, all right. We'll find you on. You're gonna love it. Peanuts!

Peanuts with the prize inside. Oh God. No, go for that. Peanuts with the prize inside. If you nut, if you're nuts. It's peanuts. Don't be a nut. Buy this nut!

I run out from underneath the leg so you're on your own holding the craw, the crawfish. I don't notice anything. No, no, in fact, the weight gets less because of the way that I was standing on your feet. As you see there's a square. As you see there's a squirrel with a very big bushy tail he's wearing on her friend. He's got a bushy beard type thing.

How much for peanuts? Peanuts with a prize inside. It depends on the level of peanut prize you want. Well, what are the options? Peanut Prize is always a surprise. Do I want a prize or do I want his penis? What's your name? My name?

Yeah. All right, Pete. I'm Peggy. Pete Nutt. Wally, you'd mess. Coconut. Yeah, coconut is a distant cousin of mine. Oh, my God. Sure not.

And things have tried. I can't believe I had never seen you at the family reunion. You still go to those? I've been traveling around with my friends here. Remember there was that weird uncle that no one wanted to talk about. His name was Dees. Diss. Diss, Dess, nut. Diss and D's, the twins, they were.

We don't talk. about dis and deed I have. Holy shit. Last I heard they were in a, they were working the minds and reconnoiter Ridge last time. This is what I said. That's what grandma nuts said.

And I generally trust her. I know she's, well, I can't believe that old grandma nut and nutton still alive. She just won't die. That's really remarkable. That's what we always said about her. It's remarkable.

So my friend Bidsey has never happened. I feel believe it. She's never had a peanut. I just want to try it. I don't know if I... That's incredible. When you come, there's peanuts with the prize inside. Well, you got a little nut?

There's three tiers. You can get better prizes. Three tears and nuts? Three tears a nut. Like, you know, a double nut. Oh, no. Double nuts is a special. That's not one of the tears.

If you could give both of us, I think a middle nut, Just a little nut will be fine. We got a little nut. I ate on the bun, so. We got the big nut. We got the real big nuts. Room for the real big nut today.

I thought Dixie said. I don't know about that. I'm a good idea. Let's do two little nuts. We can serve it. This is like a who's on first game. What the fuck. Well, so, well, you got a chance to win a fabulous prize inside.

Now you want two little nuts. nuts. I'll pay for both of them. That'll be one gold piece each for the little nuts. Two nuts. Two nuts. I'll pay for two nuts. Little nuts.

And even though it's a little nut, it's actually a large peanut, like about yay big. Oh, okay. That's amazing. Two gold pieces. Thank you very much. Thanks, Pete. Stamped by the Marquis herself.

Good, honest, marquis. Gold. Are you ready? No counterfeiting here. I don't know why you would say that. I don't want to Just go ahead and put that little nut in your mouth Well not the whole thing

No no no take your little teeth first And like gnaw into it a bit Yeah you'll break through I find that it's a lot easier if you put the whole nut in your mouth And you just bite right down in the middle What do you know you're a frog? She's a nut expert She's she loves you to tell me how to eat a nut

I'll tell you how to eat a nut If you go like that on a peanut You're going to get all of the hair The nut hair is going to be all over you Oh, sweet Lord. Look, we know Hazel, there's nothing but suck her nuts. I don't know why are you questioning? Yeah, literally all day, every day.

There is nothing. There is nothing I hate more than getting a nut hair stuck between my teeth. Look, nobody likes it, but it's just part of the business of eating nuts. And if you just put the entire nut in your mouth and just bite down on the middle, you don't have to do with a nut hair. Well, then it's halfway down your throat before you even know what's hit you. never coming up. I would rather than nut hair would down my throat that stuck between my teeth.

I don't know, I imagine choking on nut hair is a lot worse than having to pick it out from your molars. Look, just trust me, Betsy. I'm gonna try it hazel's way. Why don't you get two little nuts and you try it both ways and it's only which makes a better one? I'll try it both ways and we'll see what's best. Oh, there you go.

Here's another small nut. Just follow my leg. I got a nut in both hands. You just kind of knoll like a little opening, like through the through that it. Look at all the nut hairs that she's getting between. I know, but if you don't put it all with the prize inside. And so then, yeah, I know it's a little bit.

Okay, okay, and now just take your claw and open it up and it's gonna like feel open. Yeah, and just crack it open and then look at this. Do we get a prize? Ah, you both won prizes. One of the chances. Not with the prize inside. So you open it up and the shell that there are these two

large of the legumes inside of this shell. There's a lot of nut going on. There's two nuts. And in the center, there's actually nestled between. It was like a flimsy piece of cardboard that's painted with like there's a, it's like a frog with like some sort of cricket back kind of looking thing.

And he's just like, and then the other one is a very flimsy like ring that isn't really meat the end. It's like made out of a very flimsy, like, reed. Wow, fabulous prizes. Not with the prize inside. That's pretty cool. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. How did you get the prize in the nut? That's the secret. Pete's nuts. My eyes narrow at him very very very, really beady-eyed. Don't question the magic. This is amazing. That's a very famous bog ball player. I'm going to... I don't have that one. We're not been collecting. You want this one?

They'll change your ring. That's very rare. Very rare card. It looks really nice on you. Now try the other nut. You like them. Just keep chewing for a really long time instead of swallow and it gets this like creamy, like nut butter. That's tasty.

Just the whole thing? You put the whole thing in, you bite down on the middle, and then you pull it out and open it. See? Significantly less nut hair in your teeth. Ah, no prize inside. Better luck next time. That's okay. This is really good. Thank you. You're welcome.

So peanuts is pretty good, huh? Beets, nuts, peanuts. Can we... You're right. Can we keep moving? My arm's eating dying. Scratch you right. Ah, well, uh...

It's probably just the nut hair. Oh, you don't. You don't... Nuts with a prize inside. Oh, I'm not liable, cart and rattles all. Nuts with a prize inside. Beets! I can't beat so good. Oh, no.

Did I hate some of the crawfish? What's going on? You must have had a bit on your hands. Epi pens don't exist in this world. You're in trouble, Derek. Just do you get off. Mm-hmm. Disadvantage.

Disadvantage. Yeah. Oh, wait. I'm a halfling. You are. Oh, boy. I can't believe I finally fucking remembered that in this damn campaign.

pain. T's not spivey. Uh, classic pen. You feel your throat start to close up as your eyes start to water as your untested, very serious peanut allergy affects you. I'm gonna be honest. I don't think we have any... This is the way to solve this.

I think Bitsy's just gonna die here. We should really get him to the mayor's house. They might have a doctor uncle. Hey. All right, let's go! and start pulling the claw towards the big mayor's house. Come on, Bixie. And I'll just grab her hand and we'll lead her along.

Yeah, I'm just sort of like walking as if I'm wearing a fifth suit or something like that. I'm all achy and musseling. Oh, no. It's becoming harder and harder to breathe as you approach this very large manor house. Bitsy, do I have permission to enter you? You're the god of the universe. You can do whatever you want. I'm gonna stick my frog tongue into Missy's throat

and try and fry her throat open so you can breathe. This is a magic. She's just doing this. It's not really doing anything but I'm doing it. It's mage ham. That's exactly right. You are joking and gagging on a frog tongue. You can read a little bit better, actually, shocking way.

Make a medicine check, actually. I see how well it works. I almost rolled a chicken nugget. You got to pick the right. I have a steak of stuff. You know about the shapes. He's like, seven medicine. What is there?

Six. Six. It is not. It is really. Perfect. Perth. As you approach that, there's several marquisade guards. And as you approach and they say,

Halt! What is your purpose here? This is the mayor's private residence. Yeah, we know. That's why we're here. No, Peggy, Kelly, your sister lives here. This is the mayor's sisters.

No, the mayor's five sisters. There was a shocking murder in Click-Clock crossing. We're on high alert. We are on high alert. Oh, that's terrible. All the governors, mayors, vice-roys, all nobles and governors

and government officials of the Marquis Art are under protection. Bitsy attempts to say, yeah, we know we were there, we witnessed the whole thing, but it comes out as... Oh, no, Bixie. Very upsetting now, very upsetting. This young frog who's quite tied up at the moment with a tongue in this mouse now... Yeah, surely there must be some kind of exception for family.

She's family, that's right. We've got to see... Family of the mayor? He's a Hamilton. This is Peggy. Peggy Flyler. He looks, and you see that he's a middle-aged mouse and Marquisotte colors. The bright orange tavern, very well maintained.

He looks and says, and he looks at the tongues, shove down Bitsy's throat. It's not what it looks like. It's a very severe medical emergency. Yeah, exactly right. I point to the ring. That conveys what I think of all the information that's naked. Mayor Hamilton is a very progressive mayor. You are, if there's proof that you are, who you say you are, then I can let you in.

Peggy, do you have proof that your sisters, your sister? That seems silly. Just have them come out and say, oh, hey, hey, Peggy, it's good to see you. Make it for a reason check an advantage. What do we have to prove that? Do you have the kind of identification? There's a lot of frogs. There's not a frog that'll try to get in here, okay?

It's most fair, I guess. Anything? Do I have any identification? Sure. I would say you could probably, you would probably have like a fliler, like a letter from your sister in maybe, right? Oh, yeah.

No, she hates a sister. A family seal. A signet ring. A signet ring. An old signet ring. Oh. Yeah, I've shown the ring on my finger. See?

Yeah, it convinces me. Oh, great. Listen, you're done so. It is an emergency. We are really needing to get some medical attention. And this clause really starting to stink. What are we supposed to do with that? Well, we were hoping you'd buy it off of us.

Yeah. It's a family of delicacy. No, not you to me. Well, not you. The general, the royal you. The mockies up you. For the masquerade ball tonight? Exactly right.

It's a delicacy, but we gotta move. It's really hot out here. I don't think refrigeration has been invented yet. It's a muggy, muggy summer day in Louisiana right now, so we're gonna get this thing on a face. This thing's starting to sweat. Is that a...

It allowed, just let us in. They're the magical crawdad? That's exactly right. Well, hopefully those two- Farranted. Counting steps back to the river. Can I get a little taste? No.

No. Well, maybe for 500 gold pieces. Oh, hmm. Honor's always bribe me. He opens the door. And you are welcomed into a very colonial style manner home if you've been to Williamsburg.

Well, I was thinking, I was thinking about Monticello or a mountain. I haven't been to Monticello. But Williamsburg, you know, anything like that. I love that. Yeah, it's wonderful. Everything's cool. Very colonial-style manor home

with a large staircase going up to a second level. There are servants running around. And you are ushered in, there are guards also in Marquis Zott Garb that welcome you in. Is there a doctor that maybe can see to our friend here? Are you guys in the garden? Yeah. Oh.

No, I'm just stuck into the ball. If we're inside, you're like a butler or like a servant? Oh yeah, whatever. Help! Help! Help is an emergency! We need a doctor! And this crabcloth start in a steak!

And a chef! You see a toad, a very short toad with, I'm barely too. With in a butler outfit. And he says, Hello! And you would have recognized this as the mayor's former aide, TOTI. TOTI!

Pretty apt. Thank you. Well, we've presented this one, but more importantly, our friend is dying. Yeah, the CREP-Clause is kind of a first for us. And if you have an icebox, you should really get this in there. Or at least in the cellar. Is this for the masquerade? Are you the help? No.

or delivery, a food delivery for the masquerade. Should I, more like food providers for money. And it's COD, so. Yep, that's exactly right. Cold, baby. Cash on delivery for kids who probably don't know what that means because I'm old, and COD is not really a thing anymore.

Well, I will, I must, I'll find you a doctor and you take that to the kitchen right away. The party is only in two hours. Oh. All right. That's right. Okay. Wait, my. Book of you and I will take the crap claws.

You make sure she doesn't die. And who's going to give us the payment for the claw? Yeah, he's in charge of that, certainly. I'll take my tongue out of her mouth. I pass out and fall off over on. Oh, gosh. Oh, big. Ah, uh, take her to Dr. Frankles right away.

Dr. Frankl Stein. Dr. Frankl Stein. Dr. Frankl's Stein. Sorry, I've got a bit of stutter. And you see that there, uh, that there's a mass. and a fox come in and cart Bitsy away as you lose consciousness. Oh, gosh. I'm gonna go with Dixie.

So is my sister here? Oh, Lady Flies up. Yeah. Yes, she's getting ready for the grand masquerade ball. All right. What room are we gonna be in this time? Me and my friends. Can you pay us in the room?

Well, I'll just speak to the mayor about a payment. payment. He's the one who's been ordering the food, especially for this wonderful political engagement. All right. Where is he? It surely will not be an opportunity, given all of the rebellion activity. That's why they were very heavily guarded. Only there's nothing. This is a nigh impenetrable. Only a bear could break through our defenses. Why would you mention a bear? And that is where we'll have said it. Why would you, why would you even mention a bear? That's absurd. That's the most absurd thing I've ever had. my life. Oh no, the head of security was very certain about even no matter what the rebels

have, even if they had a trebushé, trebushes that they could not break through our defenses than all of the visiting nobles and politicals after fleeing, especially many of them, after fleeing Click-Clock Crossing, could join this masquerade ball to achieve, to spread the mayor's new ideals to enact some real legislation in the Marquisade. And so, but, but, you know, He said the only thing, the only, his words exactly, there's nothing that can cause the danger of breakthrough on defenses except for a bear. And how would the, how would the Woodland Alliance have a bear?

That is ridiculous. Exactly right. So tonight's a masquerade. I'd like to go as Ed Sheeran, please. So could I have that mask delivered to my room? No, Ed Shearin, the famous sheep? No, he's a human singer. It's a masquerade, right?

We're supposed to dress up like humans? A what? An ascarade? No, no, no, the other word. Humans? What? Oh, I must not have created them yet. Is it day four or seven?

Oh, shit. It's not day seven. Dr. Frankles, we'll be here with your medication shortly. Hopefully not too shortly. I mean, look at Bitsy. Oh, I forgot. Somebody turn around our side. and with that you're card off and you are,

the two of you are guided to a large kitchen area where you have literally just two days prior done cooking and you're back here again as you, the kitchen is a lot more organized, very, very well executed and you're able to just, you're able to, drop it off and the staff take it, very appreciative and very surprised to have a claw of a creeping crustacean. That's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's such a delicacy that, that, that, that there's even a black market for such types of food. And they're very appreciative and they presume that you've already been paid.

And, and. What? I'm sure we'll get paid later. Are we better? We got a split 80-20 with the, with the, with the, with the, with the eyes. But to me Hamilton told about it. All right. And you see Tody walk up the stairs,

and it takes about 15 minutes, and then you hear a huffing as you see in a very brightly colored dress, your sister. What color is your dress, Mike? I wish you would tell me right now. Can you describe what I see in her personality a little bit for me? Yeah, she's absolutely beautiful, and she's wearing the classic English gown.

Okay. And it is like a mintish green color. Which is a beautiful contrast to Angelicrope probably somewhere in the house and her beautiful red English gown. And I'm sure somewhere will be my nice yellow English gown. As she appeared. Not to be confused with a sack backdress,

which would have been at the height of French fashion. But this is... Mike would never make out mistake. No. No. This is a whirl of fashion. As you hear the bandros play from the scratchy dicks, Scrabbtschack. Just down the row.

Scratchy dicks. You had to change the name recently. She's a scratchy dicks. Isn't that? Scragy dicks. There is a rite of jack. Something called that. It's a meme.

It's a meme, yeah. Oh, no, there's literally a place in Rojave, like, called, it's called, like, it's called itchy. Well, yeah. I'd like to order the burger, say it. It's on the highway. I mean, the burger, that one,

say it. I want the big sloppy daddy burger. As you see, we need to take a minute and brainstorm what kind of animal owns scratchy place. You think about that as your consciousness fades from you. Yeah, nice. As you see your sister appear over the railing. There's crabby dicks.

Ah, crabby dicks. As she looks at you and glared and says, you've a lot of nerve coming here, and that's one session. Oh, okay. Find out next week if Bitsy dies. Oh, my see a bright light, Peggy's face and eclipses the light and emerges.

and welcomes me with a great warm arm. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Avanches podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher to unlock Shroud over Salt Marsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventures.

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