Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | Ep. 6 | Peeping Toads

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

The Vagabond's prepare for Alexander Hamiltoad's masquerade, heal an ailing Bitsy, and fend off perverts around every corner.   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/Z3PHg3Jgg2A?si=ifuuEmLXo9k0swaB

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Bitsy, and you're listening to Uprooted. There are two teenage possums that are trying to start a fight club on the barge. You're no match for Timothy. Everybody on this barge. It's time now for some grease wrestling. I slide underneath him and grab him by the waist and I suplex him like so. and then I roll on top of him so that I'm actually

straddling him, grab both of his feet, and do another roll, and he's double suplexes, cracking his skull back against the greasy floor each time. And then I flip around, grab him, and I bow through style Super Mario him all the way around, smashing him into the side and throwing him out in one direction, covered in grease, fluffy, breathing heavy, blood coming out of my mouth.

Things were getting a little rowdy, you know, people were trying to give him. some on barge entertainment as we were going, and unfortunately we've a corpse. Oh, now that sounds really entertainment. What? How far are we to Whartwallow? No, we should be there by the end of the day. Yeah, we can see if Alexander Hamilton is going to have a dinner or something.

An incredibly loud splash ahead of you. I don't know. The chitinous shell of what looks to be a monstrous crawfish. It disappears under the waves, having lost a claw. My children need food. Pete Nutt. Oh my God, I think it might be relaxing. Oh, you're looking.

Oh, my God. Welcome to the Hamilton residence. You see your sister appear over the railing. There's crabby decks. As she looks at you and glared and says, you have a lot of nerve coming here. You were standing in the mayoral mannors. Manor that had once been owned by the corrupt Mayor Boghop.

And once he was ousted after it was revealed that he was embezzling taxpayer money. No one was surprised, but he was still run out of town by an angry posse. And in his place was Hamletode, or was it Alexander Hamiltonode? Alexander Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton became the mayor who had been running against him or something. I don't know. It doesn't really matter. And he's now the mayor.

I don't know. It doesn't even matter. He's running. He was running against the fox, Aaron Fur. Aaron Fur. Yeah, Aaron Fur. He's mad I didn't think about it.

It was a tight race, but. And Alexander Hamletrope pulled it out. You fell a delegate, but it's like to know how you are voting. And with that, You were standing in the foyer of this grand manner and at the top of the stairs and a dress that is still getting ready for a grand party.

Very clearly not finished is, you see a frog, wearing a very large, elaborate ball gown. As she looks at you peg it, an English gown. That's right, you did describe it in great detail. Yeah. It was a beautiful tail green. It's a minkish gait. down.

Yeah, yeah, because of minks. Because it's minks, yeah, and they're women critters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she looks at you and she said, you have a lot of nerve coming here after what you did the last time you were here. Oh, boy. What did I do the last time I was here?

Was it because I got naked? I was practicing how to go invisible. And? And what? And what? You haven't told your friends what you did the last time you were here? I clearly don't remember what I did the last time I was here. I want you to tell your friends what you did the last time you were here.

And why? I'm reasonably accepted. I can't believe you would not let your friends know the company you're keeping. Well, they are the company that I'm keeping. I know, I'm not surprised actually now that you say that. Is it because I have a fly in my mouth? Well, no, that's generally unhygienic,

but I mean the other thing that you did. I am seriously very confused by this right now. Should I just get naked and back up into the wall and you could talk to my friends for a while while I'm invisible for in roughly an hour or so? I think you can't just disappear every time trouble comes along. I created magic intentionally to be able to disappear any time that trouble came along. I didn't want to deal with it.

I just don't see how being disappeared is helpful in this situation. Do you see how angry flies it is right now? Yeah. She could be angry at all of you instead of me. That sounds really helpful for me at this moment. I know, but I still wouldn't feel you need to take my clothes off. Well, you can't go invisible when you take your clothes off, so. Oh, I see the connection.

Yeah, when I take my clothes off, no one can see me. Right. Okay, well, there you go. So you're going to tell me what it was that I did because I totally don't remember? You know what you did. I'm sure probably somewhere in my massive brain full of how to create magic.

I do know what I did. So you should tell your friends the story, so you can come clean about it and apologize. All right. Friends. I I spill some wine on the floor Thank you

That's it That's what all this is about Yep Don't you have people to clean that up It was really expensive wine Well for what it's worth Right And the really expensive carpet

There's carpet in this place? Yeah Why would you We're moving on up You could so much money Now that you're married to the mayor Alexander Hamilton, why wouldn't you do hardwood floors? What do you think is, 1973?

You look, it's all like shag brown, like wall to wall. This is absolutely horrible flies. Has Angela Croke been helping you with the interior decor? You know she's not good at any of that stuff. She says she's an expert at the latest fashions. Have you seen a red dress? Many times.

It went out of fashion 10 years ago. Well, I'm glad you were. apologized for spilling the wine. I was hoping it would get you to put in some hardwood floors. Well, we can talk about that, but I'm glad that we were able to make up. Yeah. So you call you. Well, now I'm a little irritated you're calling me out in front of my friends, but it's

by you're going to apologize for that. You're never going to make amends if you're not called out in front of all your friends. Are we all there? Of course. Except for Dizzy is fast out and dying. Where's this holding this like crawled, bad claw? Okay, crap, it's really so. Well, so I'm glad you're here because, you see,

is it okay if I talk? I mean, I feel a little tension and it's a little bit awkward. I'm not going to love it, but are you feeling awkward? Oh, very. Why are you feeling awkward? You're part of my family now. Well, I mean, I think... You're basically my brother.

Families can feel awkward together. It's not like an mutually exclusive thing. Family or feeling awkward, you know? Well, now you're making me uncomfortable. It wasn't enough flies. I had to just call me out. the moment we walked into the house. Anyways, I just want to let you know

and I'll let the butlet toadie or whatever is fucking nameless. Excuse me, please don't raise your voice like that in the house. Flaiza is currently pregnant as you can see. Oh. Oh, is that what that is?

Yeah, that's why I'm so irritable. There's a lot of dad pulls. Oh. I thought you kind of like squirted those out and then let them bake, We're not bake with it. Yeah, I'm not really sure how frog biology works. I'm just the dungeon man's the...

Do you mean you don't know how frog biology works in your setting, Mike? God. What an amateur. How dare you run this session without fully researching frog biology? I only prepare for toads. Nutes, salamanders, every other amphibian, and aqua wallow. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know. We brought a very nice, very heaping, how big was your pocket?

It was pretty big, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, absolutely massive. The largest crawded out of arm I've ever seen in my life. It's an entire claw. It could feed an army. That's probably worth millions. And we were told to come to you for payment. Millions.

So that, I mean, giving me this. But to be fair, we were actually told to go to Alexander for payment. Oh, well, I think you... Well, Alexander was far too busy with the Grand Masquerade Bowl, with all of the noble. You have really good snap judgment. so I'm thinking like what, 10,000 gold pieces for a crawdad. At least.

At least. Codad that size. Is that going right? It's a delicacy. It's actually a family discount, to be fair. Especially because I spilled the wine on the floor and I feel really bad for it. Which is only fair. It's 50% off.

But we figured it was going to make you super popular with everybody, you know, that we were serving this gigantic crawdaddy claw. Oh, was that the thing I saw out the window that you were bringing in? Oh, yeah. Did you see how big that was? It could be the entire. place for the masquerade. That way, what, smell like low tide?

Well, yes and no. Well, some of us smell like high tide, so don't get too close. We sort of generally smell like low tide, but probably it's a little stentier than you. It's part of our charm. Well, I don't sign anything very charming, at least until you get a bath and some new clothes. I're still covered in seaweed and, like, blood. Oh, yeah, you were, like, drunk through the banks of the river. You're honestly.

Soft, silty mud. A crab like crawls out through my arm. Well, I wouldn't say no to a bath and some new clothing, that's for sure. That would be nice. Maybe a little bourbon on the side. You don't drink brandy? Oh, I drink anything. Brandy sounds fantastic.

So picky. You're coming into my house. Anyway. So are we good with the $10,000 then? The best are going rate? That sounds good to me. Make a deception check in advantage. Like Peggy said.

That's a better. I want to get excited to you. That's a very fair rate. Oh, God. Well, hi. I'll give you a bard inspiration if you need it. I'll just take it for fun. It's my last one.

Oh, well, then you keep that. No, no, no, we just have a long rest. So what am I doing? Deception or intimidation or what? Deception. Oh, yeah. 26. Yeah.

So nine. Wow. I should not have money. I should kill more crawdance. About the best. pretty rare. I mean, that's part of the delicacy, right? You're not going to just find a big, bad crawdaddy just walking down the street. So all you have to do is just take a barge on the river and say creeping crustaceans. Don't say it out loud. We already learned the consequences.

Well, we could make 20 fars and if we cut off both its claws. Well, let me talk about that later. Wow, what a generous offer. Yeah. Well, it's because I spelt that wine on your shag carpeting. beautiful lime chattroose shag carpeting that you've got in the foyer that's what the carpet vendor said when he brought over all of the swatches they Alexander just loved it so much

was the daffodil wallpaper necessary? Oh with frogs we love daffodils you know it looks great do you even have to ask that chipmunk everyone knows that

the dimwood all frog-gloved affidels. I thought it would have been like a lily pad, maybe. Well, that's very, that's very offensive. It's the stereotype. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I know I can't contribute to this because I'm dying. However, I'd like to imagine that the shag carpet goes all the way up to the bottom of the big grand staircase in the center of this area.

And that the shag carpet continues up the sides, but it's like an ugly, countertoped linoleum as the extra hideous. Absolutely. I love that. We appreciate your head, Cameron. Really well. Well, now that I efficiently believe you that it's worth 10,000 gold pieces, I think we can talk business after you don't smell like low tide.

Sounds like a blind to me. Yeah, sure, if you just want to show us to our rooms so we can get ready. I'm assuming you don't want your family to look atrocious at this masquerade. We're clearly invited to. So you'll have some close. sent up for us because otherwise we're going to have to look like this flies uh well you you think you come into the masquerade ball we were already invited by one of you one of your henchmen which henchman bobby invited bobby i'm going to have a stern

i'm going to have a stern that boy ain't right let me tell you what kind of what kind of a badger named Bobby wears a bowtie. I'm picturing it when he wears the little outfit. Like, when he says he's wilting. When he's... Right. Yeah, that's right. She'll bear.

Wait, where's Bixie? Oh, go. Did she make it? Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know when he took her, but she... One of our friends is dying currently, and so I think they took her to your infirmary. We could keep us updated on whether she survives or not. You should be really careful because she nearly killed a child in like two seconds.

No, she's in very good hands with Dr. Frankles. Perfect. Franklstein. Why did, it's always been Frankl's. He's been our family doctor since we were kids. His middle name is Steen. Well, Steen would be before the last name. Steen Frankl. Are you saying Frankl's comments?

Dean. Yeah, MD. So he's name's Victor Steen Frankles. Yeah. What a name. Well said. Well said, probably. Well said.

In a dark dungeon in the basement, standing over Bitsy's unconscious bodies, pulling on gloves, and charging the amps. I said, it's a single doing that that symbol, like swinging back and forth.

You're going to get dissected. Thank you, Sam. Thank you so much. We appreciate the support. Thank you. I think we should go find her. Well, I think we have to get ready for the master's first, cleaned up.

Mugitchie friend cleaned up with you. She smells like low tide, too. We don't want to be there. And she seems more reasonable than you. The Bitsy's our friend. We don't really, what I'm going to tell you is that you have not seen, you have not seen Dr. Vickles, Victor Stein,

and Frankles work and you don't want to get involved while he's in the process. Plus, they said they had Brandy, so. They'll send her up if she survives. She survives. Well, if Dr. Franklstein, if Dr. Victor, Frick, Dr. Frankel. Dr. Bram out of Vic. Can we call him Vic? He much prefers if you use this whole name, all right?

He gets really irritated if you don't. Victor Stein Frankles. Yes, Dr. Victor Stein Frankles. And so if you get in his way, you risk losing Bitsy. What do you think you're going to be able to do for that the doctor can't? I don't know. I just thought, you know, she shouldn't be by herself. When I have a bad tummy ache, which is frequent, my mom used to, you know, sit by my side and rub my belly.

Did you see her face? Yeah. Her eyes were completely swollen shut. She didn't have lips anymore. Oh, God. Her nostrils. She has a mouse face. and she had no nostrils?

Maybe I could just rub a throat a little. You would have to open back up. You would have to find her throat first under all of that swollen flesh. Oh, Bixie. I feel terrible. I should never have made her try the peanut. You should have thought about peanut allergies and how common they are. Oh, I did know.

I've never found anybody that's allergic to a peanut. It's the forest. It's like really common, you know? You hear from out the window, nuts with the prize inside Pete's nuts not responsible for any peanut allergies or any other related injuries

or illnesses from peanuts nuts with the prize inside that guy's definitely got waivers now Ty, you can have one but you got to sign this first Nuds with the prize inside We should go check on Bixie too, I mean you know, make sure she's

okay That's what I literally was just saying So we should go right now. So you want to go and interrupt the good doctor Victor Stein Frankl's while he's working on our friend Bitsy and risk losing her. I mean, she's probably not going to make it anyway. Let's be real. Did you see her face?

Holy hell. My sister's literally telling us we need to stop smelling like low tide because can you just not listen for a second, Fleaza? Fliza, you actually look up and she's gone. Oh, right. You see that Tody is just standing there folding his hand. like the frog footman from Alice in Wonderland. Alice Adventure, or is that from the looking glass anyway?

Is toad a toad? Yeah. And it's actually a cougar. You can tell us all about his biological reproduction. Exactly. I don't want to hear. Please spend the next three things. Do you want to know how I have any produce?

I don't want to do. I don't need to demonstrate. Spend the next 30 minutes graphily describing it, please. Do I have any volunteers? Haesel raised their hand. Hazel raised her hand. No. I saw it.

No. Well, she needs a reason to go to the infirmary, so pregnancy is a great one. Oh, my God. His throat starts to like, oh, God. I'm just worried that this Dr. Frankel guy is like a weasel, like with robot body parts,

and he's like, you know, just horrible experiments on people. What is that? What's I even mean? Why would you think that at all? He's been a family doctor since forever. Oh, is he not a weasel? What is he?

Well, I don't know. He's always wearing a white lab coat and a mask. That's terrifying. It's more like goggles, you know, so he can, because if he takes his goggles off, he can't see for shit. I'm very impressionable by what I read. The limited ability that I have to me.

Did you ever see that major image that starred out? What's his name? He's really great. He can sing really well. Doctor sing a long blog or whatever. I don't know why you're asking. Oh, I'm just staring off in a distance. There's no one there, Vixie.

Talking about squirrel over there. That squirrel over there. Not to the prize inside. I think it's Dr. Borrible. Oh, here, Dr. Horrible sing-a-long blog. Yeah, but you've seen that major... Shmorable. Probably the same was boring.

He's horrible. He's bored. Oh, you're right, because he's wrong. one of those pigs with tusks. Oh, he's... Pig what with tusks, no. The pig what with tusks, you know. Yeah, no, not a tux.

He had tusks. Oh, anyway. But anyway, in that, that outfit he wears is very similar to what Dr. Victor Stein Frankles wears. Before I recall, that guy was like a literal villain. So maybe we should go check off his. Yeah, I'm not saying they're the same person. I'm just saying that they wear similar outfits because they're both doctors.

Gronbley. Can you come with me? You know what, Pay? I promise to take a bath after, but I just... Well, you gotta take a bath first because this entire place is covered in shag-confitting, and if you keep walking over it, then Friza's going to be super pissed at all of us because her entire house smells like low-time.

I guess I'm tracking... And right now, we're smelling like shrimp 24 hours outside of the refrigerator, so we should probably get washed. All right, okay. So a quick bath, and then we'll find Betsy. Yeah, and most likely by the time we're done. with her bath and getting ready, Bitsy will have made her way up to the room alive more than likely. Or she'll be dead.

Or she'll be dead. But either way, there was nothing we could do about it because none of us are doctors. That's exactly right. Yep. So where do we go? Oh, I don't know. She didn't tell her. She just left before she let us know where the rooms were.

I don't have an actual room gear. It's not my house. Oh, this is just going to find one. You know, I figure we just go upstairs and we look through rooms and figure out which one we like the best. If someone stuff's in it, we just throw it out in the hallway. Is that totally? Totally. Yeah, he's just listening to everything in your side.

I don't forgot his name. Tody. Totally. Could you show us where we could take a bath? Totally. Totally. Jimmy. I can take you to your rooms

and when you are ready to visit Dr. Frankel's dungeon, I mean the infirmary. Dr.'s poison. Do you check on your friends? Wait, did you say dungeon? Well, no, there's preposterous. I said that.

The dungeon, I mean infirmary. The infirmary, you're not saying dungeon in all. Is that right? No, Dr. Frank was a dungeon. I mean infirmary. Oh, okay. Few. In a second, I thought, you said dungeon.

No, that's preposterous. He's very explicit that he's saying, Dungeon, I mean, infirmary. It's very explicit. I'm like, I'm like, I'm not, pay attention. I'm sorry. You know, my hearing comprehension. It's not that great.

I'll show us to our rooms already. Try to get him yelled at. I want a bath. Okay, follow me, totally. And did I hear one of you talk about the reproductive capabilities of a tone? No, no, I mean, I was just kidding. Unless.

Unless. I bashes hand with my banjo until his brains you gissera are all over the shag carpet. Oh, God. He guides you up. There's a hand, there's many guest rooms in this mansion. And you see actually that most of them are filled with visiting dignitaries from other clearings throughout the dimwood, high-ranking officials of the Marquisotte. Some of them, as you see them opening doors and walking down hallways that you actually recognize had been visiting click-clock crossing just the several days before for the public execution and carnival games.

And after that had happened, they were making their way down to Whartwallow for you. this grand ball. You see that there's actually very heavy security. Soldiers post at every several feet, and you are all guided to the only guest room that is open. There's a single washroom, and you'll, and TOTI stops here and says, well, this is all you get. You know, I was really hoping that we'd all get our own room. It'd be very plush. I could soak for a nice 90 minutes, and, you know, here we are. This is all we've got. I mean, if you want one, you could just go to the room across the hall, throw their stuff out to the hallway and just take that room.

I don't know. Your sister kind of scares me. I don't want her to yell at me anymore. You think vagabonds would give their own rooms? Like, kind of yes. I mean, I literally just said that's what I was going to do with. What is this? Some sort of Dungeons and Dragons campaign? That is ridiculous. Excuse me, Tuddy. You know that she's my sister, right? Yes. She said I should speak

to you very rudely. Or they'll be very upset with me, so I'm very sorry. It hurts me personally. Should I cast a fire? ball on this kid. I mean, we're all in vicinity here. You don't want us all to die, dude? The whole house will go up.

No, of course it won't. And we haven't been paid for the crap ball yet. Look, this is the only good thing about Shag-company. It's clearly made of polyester, which means when you light it on fire, it melts. It doesn't burn. Then you get stuck, and then all the rest of the fire burns you. It's like a quicksand of fire. Are you looking at these walls?

She literally put Shag-Compiding on the walls. What is it? You can destroy. the fuzzy walls. Why? I have never seen so much macromay in my entire fucking life. It's on the ceiling.

The perfect home design for a swampy clearing. Everything is moist. There's the smell of mildew everywhere. I'm having edge of midnight. I am not. Well, when you're ready to visit your friend who's certainly fine

in Dr. Frankl's dungeon, I mean the infirmary, I can guide you there. All right, well, let's get cleaned up, get this over with, and make sure Bitsy's still alive, I guess. You're all right. We'll be quick.

You just hang out here, Tody. Oh, I need to stay here. You got to take us down to the dungeon, I mean, infirmary, when we're done changing. I will be in the foyer. We'll need you. Yay! We'll need you back there.

All right, please. You have very bad fashion sense. I'm sorry, I'm following orders. I don't need it. Oh, yay. Welcome home, Peggy. It really hasn't been very long since we met Bitsy and this whole adventure started.

But, you know, I'm thinking, like, on my list, we got Nestor, and then right under that is that guy. As far as guys that we help win competitions. No, guys that I can't stand and I hope we never see again. Well, I think we should get inside this room and see what kind of horrendous decorating. She's got, oh, my, God, there's a waterbed in here.

I just start walking it. It's a waterbed in the shape of a lily pad. Yeah, of course. Absolutely. Why is a chair shaped like a plastic egg? That was a good idea. What's the point of a blow-up couch? I'm going to

go over to the bed and look up and be like, why is there a reflective surface up there? Oh, Booker. Hold on. Let's see if we can call back Toady and he can give you the lesson on Toad reproduction? No, that will not be necessary. I know I can't contribute to the seat. It's driving you crazy, isn't it, Derek?

But the lamp is a frog's leg. Like in a Christmas story. I love that. That's great. Is there a wash basin of some sort or? Yeah, you're all able to take a bath very easily. All right. Are their clothes fresh to change into?

You see that there are some very ill-fitting clothes that are probably kept of various sizes for dignitaries who shit themselves. That is oddly specific god of this world. Is there a bit? How frequently does that happen to eat a backup work? That's it. It's out there. There's like a beautiful carved wooden plaque. Dignitaries who fits themselves. And then an arrow pointing down. Did someone say pizza?

There's a little of convection oven at the bottom. Oh my God. I guess I can wear this, but it really doesn't fit very well. I'll just throw my regular clothes in the top and scrub them a bit and maybe it'll dry off. You think they're going to dry off in this moist room? No. I can't sit on the inflatable couch because my eyes. sticks to it when I'm naked.

You want to hear the way it peels away from my froggy flesh? Watch. And I'll sit on it. Oh, so you're just naked right now. Okay, well. Yeah, I thought we were all supposed to be getting naked. Oh, I need 10 minutes to doff my arm. I think we could just like pull the tub down the back of it and, you know.

No, no, I think that he should doff his armor and we'll get them cleaned up. I've got to really get in the crevices in its folds, you know? I was gonna ask, Grumley, do you need me to clean your face folds again this time? Your wrinkles. If you wouldn't mind. No, I don't mind. A nose wrinkled? Yeah, it's a little smell.

I gotta lift up your jowls because I'm pretty sure there's food there from last week. Um, well, there's probably food everywhere, Frank, out of this. A piece of cornbread. I was gonna say an entire baguette. Hesles over there collecting it. It's all soaked with like, river water. water. This pours out.

Delicious. Badgers and bow ties, this man, I want the kind of friends that will help me clean my face wool. Oh, what I tell you. Cromley, that's pretty good. All right, so is you face bulbs clean? Oh, just one more spot. I'm just dolphin. Hold on.

I would get clean and then I would look for the best fitting suit that I can find, maybe a bow tie. Yeah, yeah. And I would need a replacement hat for my horrible beat-up, patched-up hat. And I would hope to find a... I would want to dress almost like the music men. Okay. And get like a little flat hat, you know,

and like just something to wear that's a little bit more refined than my beat-up bagamon clothing. Okay. Even if it's ill-fitting. As you are rummaging around in the wardrobe... And I'm doing this while I'm wearing a towel because I cleaned up.

Yeah. Make a perception check. Thank God, he's covered his raccoon. He leaned over the basin and just watched the same. I got a natural 20. My perception skill is going to be a 22. 22, you hear some heavy breathing behind you by the door. Oh, God.

You look back and you see two large frog eyes like peeping at her toad eyes. Oh, my God. It's a peeping toe. Close the door. There's a perfect. I'm not a poop, I'm just the toe. Hey, that's my mind. And I'm gonna like,

I'm gonna like pull the towel up while I'm so like, get out of here, get out of here! I'm gonna start throwing extra clothes from the... The costume room is down the hallway. Oh, that's actually helpful. We should go down there then. Well, after, you must fetch your friend. First.

I'm fascinated. What do you want me to do? Oh, Josie wanted me to go. I could wait here if you'd like. I thought you were going to be in the four. Well, I had a change of heart. This guy's definitely a pervert. Good Lord.

I was, but then I remembered I'm a pervert. Unbelievable. This guy's definitely a perver. Yeah, this is unbelievable. You can't even change in peace washed up without a public watching. It's unbelievable. I can't wait to start yelling close the door there.

Exactly. That's right. Close the door, there's a permanent! So do I have to go to a different room to find clothes? There's basic outfits, but it's far like the costume piece. You remember this is a masquerade ball. No, we're just trying to like that. Oh, okay, okay. Well then I'm still trying to find out. I open the door.

Wait, Pervert! We need to know where the costumes are! Oh, you mispronounced Tony! No, shit too! Perfect's not even close! To the costume room, please. To the costume room, please. Toad to to toadie. Oh, no, it's only one.

You're used. Your friend is down in the dungeon. I mean, infirmary. This seems needlessly complicated. So we should take clothing, temporary clothing. Is what are you saying? Or we could all go naked. I just want to find bits of. We can all wear towels. Yeah, we could do that too. Sort of, I mean, is there anything that would like, like any just...

Are they like pajamas? Yeah. I would look for pajamas. Yeah. So we're able to find something to wear. We all have different colored butt-flap pajamas. Aw, that's nice. I'm in.

Okay. I don't button mine up. All right, take a stare. Let's skip this over with. Tody. I mean, pover. My point, what is. Derek would like to play the game, so we need to get down there.

I'm happy. I'm just going to chuckling water. Abby Ann. I had the quote, close the door there's a prayer. You know, weirdly enough, it's not the first time I've had to yell that. If I had a nickel for every time I had to yell, close the door, there's a purvement. I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that's happened more than once. So we'd like to go get her friend from the dungeon, I mean infertile.

Oh, you're not going to go naked. You could go naked. joking unless okay we'll go oh I intend to this is a great we're gonna get this how did he get this job um I'm running a real loose ship around here let me tell you he uh he goes and he he guides you through the mansion that rest is a great question why is Mikey so good He's really good at it. That is playing a pervert. Wait, I'm going to be playing right now.

I mean. Guys, where are we going to start the game? Oh, no. We've been live for an hour. I'm not a pervert on Distatallian. There it is. There it is. Oh.

He's not a pervert of Justitalian. That's really good. That's tough. Okay, and now leading to the medical wing, And you can see, and he turns, and there's a very large, like, heavy wooden door with two gargoyles on either side. What kind of gargoyles are they? Inside? That's unusual.

So, they look very strange. Leaves, like, our world, like, humanoid. They almost look, like, ape-like, and they look like horrible monsters to you all. Perfect. Thank you. My head cannon. They look, like, flying monkeys from the Museum of Oz. But they're legally distinct.

They're legally distinct. They don't have to have to have. No, no, no, no, no, no, there's no hats, no hats. They do have hats, but they're like big sun hats. Okay, perfect. So, yeah, they look very, very doubt. Yeah, legally distinct. Like, levitating.

And okay, just to the medical wing, and he opens the door, and the door opens a loud creak, and you see that there's wall sconces with flickering torches and a creepy stone stairwell down into the earth, the moist earth. And he said, okay, baby. Dr. Frankl's dungeon, I mean infirmary, so right down that way. You didn't use his full name. Excuse me? We've been told that the doctor gets very angry when you don't use this full name.

You didn't use this full name. I don't dare lay eyes on him. Oh, but you dare lay eyes on me while I'm in my towel? Oh, yes. Oh, that's what I wasn't expecting that. I'm uncomfortable. I thought I was going to have a witty jouster words, and instead I'm just going to throw up. He brings the torch closer to you.

Ah! Oh, yes. I failed but have a check I needed to fail for that one. I'm rattled. We can still enjoy a witty jow. I hide behind Grumley. Animal also scared I'm going to hide behind Rich. All right, perfect.

Grumley, break his neck. Oh, God. What did I hit so? As you break his neck, the protrusion just getting it. intrusion just gets really good. And then he was like, Broly, would you kindly break his neck? And I just, what?

I understood that reference. Hey! I can't believe that what? He closes the door behind you as you hear the zapping of what sounds like lightning and the flashing of strange blue light. As you hear the whirring of strange machinery, you know that the Marquisotte has brought a lot

has brought a lot of industry and strange machines with them all the way from Old Felicia. I love that you're fucking running with it, Mike. This is what Root's all about. This is what Roots all about. And there's a, it's a spiral stone staircase that looks like out of Dracula's castle. Exactly right. What do you do? Go fast.

I can go first. It's probably fine. I'm sure Bitsy's good news now. Well, I should probably go first because I've met Dr. Victor Steen-Frankel before. Oh. Okay. Yeah. You go first. Family doctor and everything.

And I'm also a frog, so the wet stone is not going to hinder my movement nearly as much as it will hinder yours. Make sure you don't slip and fall down because you will die. You will break your neck horribly. And we will see your mangled body at least 20 feet below us. Sounds kind of counter. There are no railings. here because this is a dungeon, I mean infirmary. Oh, boy, my.

Oh, geez. All right, well, thank you for the heads up, I suppose. Yes, literally keep your heads up, so not just up. Noted. I'm just gonna shuffle my feet then. Yeah, I might just go down. Does anyone notice instead of moss between all these stones that she has literally had someone come in and add shag carpeting

between all of these stones? This is horrible. Very tedious. I can't believe she's so obsessed with shag carpeting. It's lime green. It's chattrous. I'm gonna need to way. All right.

Just don't stroke the fuzzy walls. And I'm gonna start walking down the stairs. You descend deep into the earth, and you see that the stone walls are leaking with water as it pools all around you. This is built into very swampy earth. And very wet soil. How that there is a...

Generally, there aren't basements at all in Whartwallow, and how there's a... full dungeon, you have no idea. But it is the mayor's house and Mayor Boghop was a weird guy. Somebody even say a pervert. I mean, he had Tony his personal assistant. That's weird guy. He was a very weird guy. And you then hear the clanking of metal and the whirring of machinery and the zapping of lightning. As you see a long hallway once you get down to the bottom of the aircase. And the light is almost blinding as you see a large, a whole hallway line with these large Tesla coils that are zapping back and forth, strange machines all over the walls. And you

see a large hooded figure, a silhouette really, tall and wide and bloated. It's very difficult to make out what kind of creature this is. And you see on a table in front of this individual with arms and legs and tail bound in maricles is basically like the blueberry from Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory, but Bitsy. As she is suffering a horrible peanut allergy, how she's lasted this long and not died is a miracle. as you hear a strange cackling from this figure up ahead. Oh, my gosh. Excuse me, Dr. Victor Steinfrankel, something. Yes.

A wibit. Tony, I told you not to bother me, Pervett. See, I knew it. I absolutely heard it. I call it. I called it. I'm not the only one who knew. Oh, Tody's not with us.

I'm, we've met before you. My family doctor. It's Peggy. You know, Biza and Jellicoke? You're able to walk underneath the zapping lightning of the Tesla coils and the strange warring machinery buzz saws, all sorts of strange machines and vials and beakers and running tubes all along the wall. And you see as this figure stops and just turns. and in a very tattered and stained red. It's stained red lab coat with a hood that is,

you can see that there's goggles underneath like this leather hood. As this figure, it's almost, and the shoulders seem incredibly broad, impossibly broad as this figure turns to you with, large rubber gloves on each end of the fingers, of strange rubber boots on each foot, as this figure turns to you and says, Oh, Pagy, I have not seen you since you were a little girl. Yeah, remember that one time I had acne

and you gave me electroshock therapy until I forgot I had acne? Jesus. Yes. That was great. Don't treat the symptoms. Treat the disease. 100% I completely forgot I had it

Every time I looked at it I'm like, what are those? Who knows? Not me? Is this your friend? Yes, she alive? Why, she all bound up like that? Oh, don't you really?

It's just how he works. Look, I'm still alive. When you say is she alive. When you say is she alive, he looks back and this figure with this, the crazy coat just covered in just red.

stains. He looks back and goes, I don't know. Life. And what do you mean we? Oh. We? Me and my friend here. And he turns and gestures to. Thank God, because I thought you were going to give us knives and that just never ends well.

Oh, no, I'll give my knives. He's the surgeon. He turns into his empty space. Um, um, um. This is my very attractive. interactive lab assistant. Right, right there. Mm-hmm. Bianca. Ain't she a minx?

Yes. Not a looker, but she's literally amic. She's good with a scalpel. I can't believe I missed that on a first viewing. Thank you for introducing us, I suppose. Hello, Bianca. Grummily, I'm worried. Don't talk to Bianca.

She's working. Oh, she's... Did you cast... Oh, Peggy used her magic on her. That's why we can't see her. No, just... Bianca... Bianca's invisible.

Oh. I was told that when I was a little girl. Oh, so he just has an invisible ever system. Yeah. But, I mean, every time I've been down and I've had work done, Bianca's always been there to help. They're reliable! I've never heard her, I've never seen her, but I've always gotten better.

So she's clearly there. I'm going to go over and just slowly walk over to Bensie and see if she's alive and breathing. No, I have seen this before. What's wrong with her? What does she have, doctor? I have taken the time to investigate

this terrible curse. And I have discovered what it is. She has ghosts in her blood. Oh, that doesn't sound right. I should have known that that guy would have ghosts in his nuts. It's peat. It was peanut and the prize was, we got. Well, apparently Bitsy's prize was a ghost.

No, we traded. No, she put a mouth around the guy's nuts and he gave a ghost. Well, then I guess this is all your fault. I think it is. I think you need to suck the ghosts out of Bitsy. Doctor, is that normal treatment? I mean, how do we fix this? get rid of ghosts.

Now, every very elaborate process that you may want to avert your eyes, it will not be pretty. He steps forward. It's an electroshock therapy. He steps forward, lurching, he's much taller than all of you. And you can see now just the splotches of red

all over his lab coat. And he will turn back to Bitsy and say, my last patient did not like That treatment, when I discovered ghosts in the head of blood. As you can see, and he looks down into his lab coat. Doctor, what if it isn't ghosts? Yeah, maybe. What if it's something else?

You see two eyes blink behind, like very distorted eyes blink behind the goggles. You're saying it does not ghosts? No, no, I'm just simply. That's reposterous. Oh, all right. I'm a medical doctor. That's right, you're the professional. I'm just a raccoon.

I'm not a pervert. You keep saying Well, there's a lot of perverts around And I want to distinguish myself from them I didn't realize there'd be so many perverts You know, I'm going to be honest I feel doth protest too much That's fair, you know

So please tell us the procedure You must see to believe I thought we had to close our eyes No, too, you want to save your sanity, yes Oh, I just want to say Bintzzi I have a lot of sanity. Well, it is your own spilled jelly donuts all over your shirt because you are so scared. You look down, it's not blood. It's the jelly donut.

It's just jelly. You've subverted my expectation, Mike. Thank you. You look over. It's a half-heaten box of jelly. They're just powdered sugar all over bitsy. I know she was losing that color, but I think it's... Oh, whoa! Oh, yeah, that's just sugar. Did you get those from donkey donuts?

Don't what is the donkey? Oh, no, it's duck donuts. We should tell you about our experience with ducks. There was something about corkscrews. They like wine or something, I can't quite remember. They have corkscrew penises. That's way different than I remember. Ducks are a bunch of perverts, let me tell you.

And they're bobbed. Why do preference keep getting into my duchy. I mean, family. It's female ducks have barbed vaginas. I don't think that's true. I read it on the Google. Duck tails a woo. Stand back!

I take a few sets of hang. I take several sets of hide behind Grumlin, like usual. Perfect usual. About your eyes. And you then, you see him, go all over the room, he pulls levers, you hear the zapping of these strange coils zapping back and forth.

There's bubbling all sorts of green and purple fluids going through tubes all around. Hangover Bitsy is a large beaker. All sorts of buzz saws are whirring. And he doesn't turn Bitsy into Warwick, I'm gonna be able. And he says, this is the most complicated procedure I have ever performed.

Oh, God. And you see as he pulls out a very large funnel and just sticks it in Bitsy's mouth and he pulls out a bottle that just has drugs on it and he's gorse in the hell. Chemical X. Oh no, we don't need Bitsy to have chemical X. And Bitsy, soon as the funnel goes into your mouth, you're able to breathe, and the drugs fill your system and immediately you are incredibly bloated, but you can finally breathe again as consciousness returns. Oh my God. I'm back in the corner eating one of the jelly donuts.

I cannot believe they weren't. That's me. You were right. I shouldn't have launched. Oh, I was just going to say I'm going to celebrate with my favorite jelly donut that I saved for after the procedure. The entire box is not. You know, this shouldn't be shocking by now, but somehow I'm still surprised. You never ceased to amaze me there, Hazel. There were two dozen donuts in there when we got to the room. room. It was a very long, complicated procedure.

It took you two minutes. Maybe. I know. Maybe Bianca had some. I sprayed some of the jelly off of my shirt. I saved you a little bit of this because I figured you'd be really hungry when you got done. A doctor here. Oh, I dab his head and kind of spoon the jelly. Under his leather hood, it's sweating.

And you can see like this weird reddish pink flash underneath. As he says, ah, there's better than nothing. and he pulls off his lead hood and you see a bit of like pinkish reddish flesh that bulges out as a turkey head. Oh, I hate turkeys. I hate turkeys. And he looks at your own, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Just like, no!

Fucking turkeys, no! Reverts fine. Turkeys, no. We're done! We're done! We're curious. We're done. Just the crumbs of donuts.

Yes. And you see as Bitsy, you start to deflate a little bit. Oh, I should probably. As he pulls out the funnel. Out of drugs. Oh, no. Live. Yes.

Actually, see it on the bottom. The short answer is yes. Just like a whole bottle. Now I don't even think he measured it. I don't understand what happened. Oh, God. Your eyes are focused at all. fair, we don't understand what happened either.

Press, and then I frog in my throat, and then I was choking a 10. Oh, Vincent. I'm so sorry. You remember most of the things, honestly, important fire. Apparently, it was ghosts. There were ghosts in your blood. This is my antigoosyrum.

Be like this. What are the ingredients in your antigo serum? Obviously, not the ratios, because I don't want to steal your medicine. But just like, if I was looking at the nutritional facts on the back, what kind of things would I say? It is copyrighted. It's my intellectual property. What's the first ingredient?

I think you legally have to tell us. The first ingredient? I can tell you it's water. Yeah. I'm sorry. Well, that doesn't sound so bad, but Bitsy's looking a little this is all this is all this stuff added to water.

Can we unlock her? I try to Are you still crossing your eyes? Bixie, follow my fingers. Fellow. No, no, no, over here. Uh-oh. Elvite, can you do?

You separate them. My eyes do do that, though. Oh, no, they see good. No, too far. Go back. Go back to get the way. I'm going to be honest. I'm not sure if Bincey was okay

that she'd be able to do that anyway, but it's still not a good sign. Back when we would be in combat, if there was a soldier that exhibited symptoms, like this, we'd just give them a whole lot of morphine in, you know. Oh, snap their neck. No, just, you know.

Oh, just let them. Just, you know, help them along the way, you know what I mean? To take a nap. With an anti-ghost in them. I mean, that's sort of what morphine is. Is it morphine? Is it watered, is it just watered down morphine? They call it morphine because you have something.

You're like, more. I'm feeling for it. I mean, is she gonna be okay? Is she gonna make? We're a little worried about our friend. She looks terrible. Let me see. She always looks a little bit here.

Follow my finger and you see like this horrible ancient turkey head. He's a very old turkey. You are not alone to your turkey hate, by the way. Everyone is. I hate. As you realize now that he's not actually a very broad-shouldered person, his just tail is in the jacket, giving him a very large frame. He's actually quite a short, thin turkey man.

as he takes his glove and he says like, follow my finger. And turns, and he tries to spin it like around your head. Okay, the head did not reverse, which would have meant, she was either possessed or secretly an owl. I don't know what is worth. Is that a thing? Can people secretly be owls?

You did not know what sort of dark things the theory is researching. That sounds terrifying. Oh, the airy. They're up to no good. I could see them turning people into secret owls. Never heard of that before, ever. That's awful. Secret owls. Yes. I'm going to have to watch out for that. What if they turn you into a secret owl? Well, the Marquis 8 take you back?

Is there a way to know if I'm a secret owl can hit you? Oh, there's no way. That's the thing. You could all be a secret owl right now and not know it. Oh, I don't feel that. One day you wake up and then you spit it. up a pellet. I haven't done that yet, have you? I don't think so. I throw up sometimes, but it's usually when I eat you much enough old.

Oh, there's probably to start. Yeah, there's small little brown flesh sacks of bones and fur. Oh, that's not, no. That sounds awful. It's usually just like, oh, really, no, I just kept it down. You know, it's like that. I'll try to hang on to it. I'll try to hang on it.

skulls and everything. That's definitely, I'm not a now. You also can't shit. I think I'm okay then. When I saw his face, I shatness. Barre drawers. I've got to go back to the dignitaries who shut themselves all through.

I know I'm not a dignitary. You finally learn why. Wow, that's crazy. Why that wardrobe is just. Crazy how accurate that plaque was. I don't. I literally looked at it and said, well, that, how often does that happen?

But here I am. Probably never, but yeah, exactly. Look at, looking at us. Oh, okay, that's enough. I mean, have you seen him? We're gonna stop right there. We're gonna move right on, here we go. He leans over you and says,

Oh, I must conduct the test. What test? It's very medical. It's very complex. I could not explain it. Vagabond such as you. Hi. I'll take offense.

I'm going to ask you something. Are you haunted by spooky ghosts? How would I know? The prognosis is not good. Oh, no. What are we going to do? Oh, I don't know. I mean, we could have just a ghost friend, right? How bad is it yet?

It gets very bad. Are you sure you're not haunted by spooky ghosts? might be well maybe we'll just keep an eye on her and if she you know takes a turn for the worst we'll come down and we'll bring her back down to the dungeon meaning funnery

what should we be watching Paul ghost hoist typical ghost things he did like a pamphred or something about oh yes yes yes and he goes over and he goes to a um like a task and it's got like that plastic like, what is it, the half of the head

where it's like the skull and the brain and it's like the colorful like parts of the body. There's morphine and water on the body. Yeah, there's like a biohazard like a trash can and he goes through and there's all sorts of pamphlets on the wall. There are a bunch of jars with like animals that are petriff, not petrified, but floating in them. Like from out of high preserve. There's all sorts of insects and strange creatures like that.

and he pulls out a pamphlet and he hands it to you and it says, Ghost N, you? Oh, I hope not. Grumble, you said you can read? Oh, sort of. This is nice, glossy. It's like glossy on kind of a heavy paper. This is nice.

I have to get it printed at Skinkos. That's pretty good. That's right, good. Oh, I've seen a few of you there. Is it a chain? Local chain that somebody cleanses. It's the business owned by the Skinkerton Mercenary Corporation. I hate those guys.

Don't mention Skinketans around us. They're really diversifying. Anyway. Oh. There's just like a big like Halloween like waiting. If you open it and it's a pop-off. You guys are the same way. It is national pop goes the weasel then.

Oh! It's a weasel ghost. Yeah, it's a weasel ghost. Does it have one of those repeating, looping sound things? Like, ooh! You have to stop? In the batter? When it stops it, it stops, open it.

Over it. It's over, it starts to the exact same spot over when you open it, of course. Open it. What did I get? Maybe we told you, you took a disadvantage. Seven. All you make out is if you got ghosts in your blood, it's not looking good. And that's all you are.

Are we able to discern that the turkey doctor wrote these himself? Yeah, I just want to make sure. Wow, that's not good. I mean, if it said it right there in the pamphlet, it must be true. It's not looking good. It's what it says in my brief skimming of the information. Unbelievable. Guys, I think I'm fine.

Everything's feeling real good. Oh, if you're feeling good, maybe it's okay. Can somebody untie me or do something about this? Do we need to keep it for observation, or can we take it with us and get it cleaned up and get her ready for the masquerade? Oh, Doc, I noticed that after she got ghosts in her blood, she does have a little acne on her chin.

Should we do some just light to medium electroshock therapy to see if we can get it to forget that it ever happened? Just jelly, Joe, don't know. You seem rummaging around in his, What is it, the Gladstone bag? It's not a string back and he pulls out like a bone saw. Oh. Just jelly donut.

And as they say, as you ask him, keep her four observations. Keep a ghost mouse in my infirmary? No, you take her. I don't want to be killed by a ghost mouse. All right. Well, that seems like we've got a deal then. How about we untire? We'll take her.

Beyond, please, please unfasten our... patient. Oh, thank you. How did that happen? She is invisible. Booker begins to sweat. I'm like, this place. Can we go, please?

And it's actually just a really, really tiny mosquito. He uses its crevazquez to unlock it. Genius. I love it. I love it. Oh, well, bitchy, can you stand? I think so. All right, let's go.

She wrote, you roll, you start rolling on the floor. Like, wait, you're basically looking like the mouse version of really the worm. Stop it, Derek. I'm upset. I eventually get up onto my two feet. I stumble for a moment, but putting my arm on Hazel, I'm able to get to my feet. This podcast is brought to you by our Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventris

and gain access to tons of exclusive perks, including a monthly movie night and a weekly Patreon exclusive campaign set on the high seas, shroud over salt marsh. You can also go to The Crookedmoon.com to pick up your own copy of our first published supplement. The Crooked Moon, a folk horror tone for Dungeons and dragons fifth edition and don't forget to snag all the extra goodies like dice miniatures plushies a tarot deck and more thank you Bitsy you are able to write

yourself as the swelling is continually going down as you are high as a kite it's clothing that's perverted nudity is natural well we do is this underneath my hudge where are we in a dungeon I mean infirmary oh no hold on hold on is this what under your hutch looks like maybe we are that was going to be my question well yeah a little that's weird oh um are there things like machines like this around no i thought you brought those in oh what's normally in your hutch it's usually just an empty stone room like this one but without the shag oh so it's basically your house She's like the house from the Blair Witch Project.

I don't know what that is, but yes. It's a major image about a place in a, it's called Maryland, where there's a forest with a witch in it. Ooh, it's scary. It is, it's really scary. There's a moment where someone's face is pressed right up against the major image. It's the Bear Witch Project. It's a bear witch.

That's what I said. The Bear Witch. Oh, no. No, the Bear Wench Project is a completely different. I've seen that one. You see him pulling out like a classic DVD like with the box

with the blockbuster and stick it around and he puts it back in. Everyone here's a pervert. I got this crazy dream. You were there and you were there and you were there and you were there

we were on a river we were on a barge and I got into a fight and then we fought this crazy monster. Oh you mean when you killed that adolescent? What? You know, when you punched that small child in the face so hard, you snapped his neck in front of his brother?

How do you know my dreams? Oh, you're the creator of the universe. I forgot. I'm so sorry. Magic. Bidsey, that wasn't a dream. We were there. All of us.

Except you didn't really kill him. I wish you had. But you didn't. Oh. Huh. Am I overdressed? Should I take this off and put on a towel? You should just get completely naked.

We're going to walk upstairs. and go bathe you. Like, not in a perverted way or anything. All right. Tell that to Toney. Toty's standing in the corner. Oh, shit, I forgot to take my shoes off and now my pants are all stuck around my shoes.

This is the worst. My headcan and Hazel doesn't wear pants. She's kind of like Donald ducks it. All right, I'm ready to go. Oh. I'm so glad that you didn't die. I felt really bad about the... If I say it, it won't happen again, right?

It's just, did you eat it? What? Peanut. You can actually detonate like Vorok? You just like detonate and kill everybody. May it comes these and save you down. That's where we'll end the key. The drugs, they have the mysterious unspecified drugs pumping through, um,

hoping through or anti-go serum handles this mention of peanuts. All right, so we're gonna go upstairs. We're gonna get you cleaned up. And then we gotta go get her costumes for the masquerade. We're going to a party. That makes sense to me. Let's go! Oh, look, a pamphlet about STDs.

Oh! for that one. For that, when I just went to Kinkos. Well play. Again. You fucking. Well played. It's very confusing. I'm here for the Kinkos versus Stinko's episode that we're going to do next session.

Yeah. They'll be in there, my. With that, does anyone else need any medical attention while I am here? No, no, I think we're all right. Not even a little bit. We're going to get it going. I mean, put on my bedside manner appropriate attire, and he puts on his leather hood and his horrible, nightmarish outfit. I was taking like a gimp mask.

I thought I left that it ginkos. I told you, everyone. You actually look around and it varies clearly. You see like an attachment for like a swing, there's a rack. It's like, this is definitely a dungeon. It doubles as a sex dungeon, 100%. Everyone in Warhol is actually. Really unsanitary.

You know, I don't make the rules though. Bianca cleans it all up, right? I shall. You all are able to leave the dungeon. I mean, infirmary. Infirmary, yeah. By strange man whose name I don't know. No one never confirmed my name.

This wasn't Dr. Frankl at all. No. It was totally different. You walk by a kilometer there's blood running out underneath the door. The carpet. Oh, while we're walking out, we passed on one of those big electricity machines. And it zaps, bitsy, in the brain. And she goes, oh, my God.

Where am I? I'm awake. Decades I've lost. And she sounds early, horrible. Yeah, that's ready to go. And then as the electricity fades and goes back to Bipsy. Ooh. That's a nightmare.

That's pretty dark. That's really dark. That actually happens. I've been being John Malkovich this whole time. As you open the door leaving this dungeon, I mean infirmary, you are immediately faced with the small form of Toadie just staring. staring at the door waiting for you. Ah.

Hello. Are you ready for it to change in your costumes? I guess. Nothing left for us to do except for Bitsy to get cleaned up first, I guess. Well, I can't believe that you secured invitations. Follow me, follow me. The footman Bobby is going to get quite the stern talking to. He'll probably lose his pension.

He'll probably lose his pension. I always hated Bobby This guy makes me feel uncomfortable Isn't making that I feel comfortable? Extremely You don't even know the half of it. Poor Booker. To be fair, Booker is quite the looker.

Oh, that's very kind of you say, Becky. I appreciate that. You're welcome. It just means you might want to be careful in this town. Oh, boy. It doesn't really make me feel anybody when he got a two eye full of my big furry butt cheeks. Yeah, a lot of people in this town are frogs or toads,

and so it doesn't matter which way our heads are, we can still see you. I need to feel like I need another shower. And some of us can see through clothing. Whoa, that's a thing? No. Oh, well, okay, how was I about to... Yes. I was about to get rid of talk, I guess.

I think maybe just leave as much clothing on as you can. You'll need layers. Yeah. Well, here's the costume room after, oh, and you're for your mouse friend is big. I'm very quick. I just do this. And it's spotless. She's like shining. Shimmering.

It's like for prestidization. Wow. And he guides you to a room with a very elegantly etched door and he opens it. And you see that it is a just a massive walk-in closet almost with rows and rows and rows of elaborate costumes and rows and rows all around with actually ladders go up to all sorts of masks and outfits.

But given the sense that you are all animals, these are not animal masks, they're effectively like Halloween costume, like humans of like the village people type shit. I call the Bill Clinton, though. Exactly right. I wanna find the village people costume that's basically the one where you can't really tell

if they're a dominatrix or like a cop. You know, it's like a great leather heavy, lots of stretch. The leather daddy outfit. Yes, exactly. And you're not really sure whether they're a law enforcement official or they're definitely a dominates. Somewhere in between there, you know.

I like a juice place. So I started like putting it on. And when I get done, I'm gonna be like, oh God, this is the only one that fit me. Well, what is this? Who wears something like this? I think you look nice. It's kind of, you know, it's slimming.

that kind of black, shiny leather. This is the exact opposite of the advice that Peggy just gave me. Tony, get out of here. Get up! I'm not here! We just heard you say I'm not here. We can hear the sound of his little throat bulb,

like knocking against the door. Oh, ew! As I like, as I try to like scamper away and again hide behind Brumley all you hear it, or eat, hear, here, here, is like the leather is rubbing against my, like, between my ass cheeks that I hide behind Grumlin. He leaves you alone and you're able to pick out whatever crazy shit you want to come up with

for your outfits. I'm an elephant. See, he's my trunk. And I point to this really shitty paper mache elephant mess. And the costume's just like a gray, like a gray onesie. See? I've always wanted a sort of a longer snout, and this is kind of how I lived that fantasy. wearing a poorly made paper-mish elephant mask.

That looks very nice on you. I feel like I shouldn't have picked first. Yeah, the two of you look really great. I can't tell if I'm overdressed or underdress. Let's pose together real quick and tell us how we look. Yeah, I like it a lot. Yeah, I agree. Is it good?

Yeah. Elephine, biker cop, Judith Priest from the end. What does your biker cup mask look like? Yeah, that was a mask. He doesn't wear a mask. It's a mask version of it. So it's like a little unsettling gap.

All right. Well, then there. Yes. So it's a guy's face with a hat, with like a, you know, and then it's just a wicked handlebar mustache. Like all the way down, real thick mustache. But you can see my like raccoon ears and like raccoon whisters like peeking out from behind the mask. Tush.

Hazel, what do you think you're going to wear? Well, maybe this one, it looks pretty roomy, and that's nice. I'll pull out, like, one of those, like, terrifying, like, old kind of dingy white, like harlequin clown, like, puffed out suits. Like polyachi. Like poliachi suits. With, like, a sad, like, hmm. Yeah, I think it suits you.

And the nice thing about it is there's enough room there to steal. my sister's food. Exactly right. I can eat as much as I want and I won't even have to loosen my trousers. Exactly, yeah. It's just all one suit and there's so much room. Honestly, you could put the entire crab daddy claw whatever in there and we can sell it for another 10K somewhere else. I'm not getting near that thing.

I don't want to end up like Bincey. That's fair. I feel like I really cheated death earlier. Um, you look really sad though. You're the only thing. Oh, I'm not. It's just a costume. Oh, what if you don't turn the mask upside down?

You don't kind of be like, you know, a smile instead. I do that and like, I guess I can look through the lip holes. As soon as you turn it upside down, like, oh, sweet heavens, horrors from beyond my comprehension. Well, that could see, if you still look at me the eye holes, like the mouth of the other ear and then you love it at me. This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. I'm just going to wear it the other way. Oh, I know. I'll take the mask off and, like, turn around for a second.

I'll put it back on it. It'll have, like, a crudely drawn, like, charcoal smile. It'll be able to take a little berry juice, so it looks like a bloody smile. Yeah, you're a wonderful Joker. Killer clowns from outer space. I made a smile. Oh, totally.

Wow. That looks great. What are you going to wear? Oh, I don't know. There's so many things to choose. I don't know. There were so many things. You want to spin us thinny around and you point?

Yeah, I'm going to close my eyes. You tell me which one I land on all right. And I'm just going to spin around like 15 times and then point. You point at a costume that is what is clearly a giant Frankenstein. Platform boots at all. Well, it looks like I'm going to be this green man. As soon as you touch him. Runs out of the room.

Maybe we spin around again. But I should just point in a paper. I don't think I should choose. If any one of one of these is alive, I'm gonna lose it. Oh, it'll help. You can look closer. Lisa Fem costumes are just people. What is this absolutely?

Nightmare room. This is a like... The mummy is just like... It's actually all the people making noise. This is the masquerade. The mummy's little looking is like, oh, this isn't kinkgo. Come on, guys. Wait a minute, why does it smell like alchemy in here?

Um, what about that, like nice bloody pirate outfit? That's a classic. Yeah, I think Bitsy would look great in that. I thought I'd pick around on the train over there. I always wanted to be a train. A whole train? Yeah, and there's like a giant, like, blue fabric tape

that would, like, cover the whole body. Two, like, chimney stacks out the back, and then, like, what appears to be, like, a large round face of a smiling train engine, that, you know, if you put it on. I just hope it's not alive. I attempt to put on the train costume. It's exactly how you describe it.

All right. Oh, I love it. That's sweet. Well, I can't pick something. All right, I guess if I'm gonna pick something, I'm gonna pick that weird little, like, beige bear in the red shirt. No, no, without the red shirt. No!

The one that's carrying that pot that's... that pot that says honey and it spelled wrong. I knew you were gonna pick that fucking costume. That one not a lot. Jesus Christ. Oh no. Hollywood is worse? Where do you think all the perverts came from?

It's a giant square sheet and there's like hearts like a piece of cards like that guy. It's literally the costume of like you are a card from a dad. a card from a deck of playing card. It's like the heart's from Alice. But your face is the royal face in the in the costume. That's an option. Yeah, I don't know. That's just not my thing. I feel like

you all have such great costumes. You're a really inaccurate elephant. You are Relaide the daddy. You are some horribly murderous clown and that's awful. I'm happy. I'm happy clown. And I've so far just touched three pervers. I feel like my luck in costume, it's just not great.

You could be Darth Badger. Or you could be Cleocatra. I was supposed to be good. I'm actually completely blown away by Twitch. I do really like Cleocatra, so I think I'm going to go. I was going to say, don't step towards the Darth Badger! The mouse with the bad steps out. And you can, you can hear.

I didn't spend four billion. You can't leave in this mouse at all. He's bad, has nails in it. Oh, cool. That's painful. Jesus. I do a, I do a smile on the face. So I'm a train.

You're a clear cat truck. You're a whatever clown. That's a happy clown. What is the called? Paulian. And you are the... I'm an elephant. See my trunk?

The most normal of the gun. It's actually just Babar. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. It's like a paper towel. Trunk d'en.

Trunk's wearing a jersey that says mighty trunks. Oh, that would be nice. I guess it's kind of plain. It's just a gray felt outfit. Look at the number on that. It's my favorite player. It's Gina Berenstain. I thought it was Berenstine.

No, it's Berenstain. It's a common Moncala effect where people think that it says Steen when it's actually clearly spelled Stain. I thought it was Stein. No, that was the doctor downstairs. Oh, of course. You're thinking of last Wednesday

before the universe reset our Thursday. Oh, does it... Spelling changes when the universe resets? That's not all the changes. Oh, gosh, what else changes? Like, whether the Monopoly Man has a monocle or not? Oh, what else? The Illuminati changes completely

To Google This time it's the society of good boys Good boy Wait Is that full of mostly dogs It's just dogs running everything Wait is that a current universe Uh huh

Uh huh What did you turn into Mickey now What's the Illuminati Can I join? I don't know I don't know how you join I want to join us I want to be a good boy

I want to be a guy Can I join a society of them? We'll have to try. I'm going to join your Luminati. I have a new golden life. Character progresses. This is very bad. Hey, guys, they took enough to make a ritual sacrifice.

It has to be of a sentient humanoid. Don't look at me. Does anyone want to volunteer? Yeah, I'm sure it's no. He does. Yeah, Tudy, you go right away. Oh. This seems like me.

You have got to be a good. Thank you for the following. Jeff, Dame Mallord. Dammeilord. Dammeilord. Dame Allard. Duilard, 22.

And Pessandre, or P.S. Andre. It's not like P.S. DeMeme Lord. Yeah, so I said, de mime lord. Like does and the. I know. What I?

You're saying, you're saying, you're saying, de meme lord. Duh, meme lord. There's the fuck, the thing I just said. There's a little. Dane, Matt. I literally just said that. That does so important. Thank you, Hedgehog.

Thank you, Hedgehog. 1031-311321-3-321. I can't believe. On this episode, the gang works how to read. What? Oh boy. You have the best user. I can't I can't I'm sorry

Do it, Derek That's a lot of hedgehogs Yeah, it's a little, there's too many hedgehogs, that's all That's in Hollywood So many hatchugs It's the best that there'll be a few of them Wooop, whoop, woo, moot Woof is that what hedgehog sound like, but no

skinny pigs will fomping, whatever But fuck it Nah, skinny pigs, but fun I want a chilly hot dog Ew Oh Yeah What?

It's not like that drug. Oh. Like chili dogs. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I thought we were talking about sex. Slots? What? Oh, an SDB family.

Oh, my chili dogs. Oh, my God. It was a very disgusting term. Someone told me about ones. Do we move on? I'm sorry. I've lost my mind. Let's continue.

We have our costumes and then we leave them. and an orderly passion. Sweet Jesus. Oh, don't pretend like you're having a great. I was until like 30 seconds ago. I'm very excited about being leather daddy. You leave the room and you hear the excited bustling of voices

as the door to the costume room opens and you see all the very different is running up. They scatter like calculations. You don't hear the non-shad carpet. That's why she installed so much that's a pervers of silent. Because otherwise you hear their clickety feet on the hardwood. No wonder the 70s were the 70s.

You see as Tody looks at you, Hazel. No! Oh, no, my goodness. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. No, no, no. Do you like my costume? No, I'm a clack, a clone. This only reinforces the feeling that I picked the wrong costume here.

I think you look great, Boker. I just feel like there's a breeze between my ass cheeks. Oh, yeah, there's no fabric. Oh, boy. Chaps, they're not pants. Uh-oh. Oh, no. I made a greatest mistake.

It's like Polly George's son-in-law. I love that movie so much. It's like my favorite movie. I'll look down and I'll look back over my shoulder at the costume room and I'll look down again and I'll look to the group and I'll say, we've come too far.

Just keep going. Dragon at rest is, hey, if Tody was in a costume this all time. He's not the fun of a doll. He's just a bird! Let us into some random room. Oh, God.

Oh, it's just me. I'll take my mask. It's just me. How are my pinkie? He's very deeply afraid. As he said, that's great. As it started already. What time is it?

Yeah, it's almost time. Wow. At seven minutes, we better hurry up and get over there. And with that, It's my mini sundial that are people of arrest. We're inside. You. You're inside.

He leads you across the shag carpeting through this mansion as you hear the hustle and bustle. Very heavily armed hallways. As you see the Marquis Zott soldiers with their taverns looking at you and you occasionally see that they'll, one or two will look at you. and then they'll lean in and

vice roy as you probably very closely masked the description and people seem fleeing the viceroy's manner as she was murdered I don't know

pretty good costumes oh yes that's true yeah my face is a cover yeah that's actually all of a face I have been moving my mask yeah I take that is non-c they're just saying

can you believe the vice roy what is that spooky clown killed them oh that might raise some suspicion, but nobody's gonna suspect leather daddy. I'm a train. They look like rough customers, but, I know, that leather daddy couldn't heard to fly.

They're good. Unless you ask nicely. As you are brought to a large double door that opens into a grand masquerade ball where you hear the music fill the halls. As you see, many frogs and toads, as well as mice, rabbits, foxes, a lot of cats, and various other creatures native to not just

Whirlow, but also across the dimwood, as there has been a calling to dignitaries and other lawmakers from new Felicia and beyond, as Alexander has been trying to enact new legislation that was a little less oppressive, perhaps, than what the Marquis is used to. Oh, he's definitely gonna get assassination. This is gonna,

This is gonna turn rough. If you move out. Pants are right out. As you make your, as Tony says, oh, this is the masquerade ball. I'm glad that the buzzer of the family was able to stick around with vagabonds who are no good at all.

I was doing my job and turns away and he hops away. As you walk past a very, heavily armored, a very heavily armored, what looks like a porcupine, with quills poking through his armor and his helmet, as he's surveying the room and he's looking at various maps and he's like looking at all the different entrances. And he says, yep, we're totally secure unless they have a bear. That's ridiculous. I'm really clearing your head. I'm glad that they're fair. That is awfully specific. I don't know. I don't know. why I have an ominous sense of a feeling deep in my very bear goolies. Why do they say it like that? It's just a little bit. It's like, yeah, our building's totally fine unless a nuke gets dropped on it. Holy, we thought to bear proof it.

No one can stop a bear. Good thing no one has a bear that's weaponized. There's no way that they would get their hands on a bear. A bear could never be turning to a bear. A bear can never be turning to a weapon of war. That is ridiculous. That's completely preposterous. That's ridiculous, Private. You get into motion, you lose your pension. I even suggesting such a thing. Oh, yes, sir.

Oh. As you enter a grand masquerade ball, what do you do? I think we ought to try to find flies her. I don't know, she's kind of a bitch. I totally agree with you, but she hasn't paid us for that crustacean claw. I'm gonna see if there's an open bar. I need to live lap. I'm going bitch and shit her doors right out of my mouth.

Let's go. All right, can you hold my hand? Absolutely, I'd be honored. The leather daddy and the train. Hand in hand and she stumbled a little over a little.

It just rages. It just raids itself, though. I want to look for anyone with a tray of hors d'oeuvres. Oh, yeah, just take one. I'll take you. And then I want to part of the next room. I would think. I'll be right behind Grimley to the exact same thing. Lordoose.

It's Tony. Did you personally prepare these? Yes. I should. But you will. And I scoop a whole thing on. It's just shots of clam chowder. It's the Boston Key Donuts from Bama all there.

Oh, my. You saw a lot. You saw a line. And you were like, that's disgusting. But I had the Vaseline on the lens of life. You went straight. I'm traumatized. I wish I was dead.

I actually wish I was dead. I have to rub Kelsey's back because of this. I just want you fuckers to know what you've done. It's like when we went out to eat lunch and I ordered soup and the chef came out to the table and he didn't ask any people. And he didn't ask anybody else how their food was, but he looked at me and he's like, do you like the soup? Isn't it creamy?

No. Time out. Time out. This story is real, but Kelsey over-exaggerates how this guy. He was really nice. He was actually a really nice guy. It was a newer restaurant. He was legitimately asking how the soup was because he wanted to improve his recipe. But Kelsey likes to make him sound like a pervert.

I'm sorry, but we... How's the soup? Isn't it creamy? You didn't say it like that! It doesn't matter how you say it. There's no way you say that and not sound like a creep. Unbelievable. You tarnish this poor young man's name. No, he was a good chef. He was a good chef.

Well, was the soup good? Was it good? It was actually. Yeah, restaurant cream. I don't think it was supposed to be creamy, but it was good. We'll unpack what's supposed to be creamy means. And the ventures and chill. What's a vandras and chill, Andy? What's a fuck. Two, that's a fuck. tastes the pancake better.

Why does the soup smell like alchemy? No, it's literally a little mini-clam chowders. And then you see... It checks out. We are in... Where are we? You're in a... We're not in Muckball.

Wirtwaffe. That's the next Whart wall. But you do see Tody leave you, and he goes over, and there's a well-dressed individual that is very clearly an otter underneath the costume. And he says, thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'm glad you came for Pair.

And it looks like there's a good number of audits here, actually, as you look around and you get the sense that there are a lot of potential members of the Riverfoam Company. Interesting. Can I ask a question? Yeah. No. That's what I was going to say.

Fuck your question. I forget. So from the non-routuning, the first root that you know, The non-root-name. The non-routing. I forget, are things from that canon, like, would we remember who that is? No. So what you saw is in the dawn.

You get this. It is very clearly an otter from the Riverfoot Company, probably. But it's not, you have not met the dawn in this canon. Okay. So, yeah. Disregard most of what happened. Yeah. Some stuff is sort of, I think it's sort of, some is, some isn't, right?

Yeah. But you all didn't live, you know, a lot of that. So Route 1. the expanded universe. Right, got it. So I'm gonna curse to only remember the things that are stricken from canon. It's fair.

Sucks to suck. It does suck to suck. I suck. You suck down some of those clamp chow? I like to smile on my clamp. Sad clown. And Grumley, as you eat the clam chowder, there's a little bit of creamy clam chowder

on your nose that you just really can't get. Oh, Kells. I'm gonna have to clean your nose wrinkle again. Oh, could you get it? I'll just do. Oh, let me move my trunk out of the white. I'll swipe the nose wrinkle. Oh, gross.

Your mask should be one of like those sequin pillows where like you go up like this. Yeah. Yeah, you should make that. That sounds cool. Yeah, that's pretty good. Copyright. No takes these.

Coming soon to our merch store. Yeah. Creepy clown. Clown. Cillom mask. Sequin mask. It's kind of a cool idea. Sequence mask. So we see. Sorry. Oh, go to get drinks. We saw Riverfoe Company that we presume Riverfow Company, and there's food and hors d'oe parties. Yeah. You go to the bar and you're, it's an open bar. You're exactly right. And so you see a handful of nobles. There's

a two cat dignitaries. Very close. clearly from New Felicia, very well dressed, and in clothes even finer than what many of these representatives from all over the Dimwood are wearing. As they each take a glass of wine of some kind and they are, I'm fat, I'm gonna need something way stronger than that wine. People keep pinching my ass and I don't know why.

You should. Watch out that dignitaries are known for shitting her being. It's the worst party of all time. That's very true. You see it's a Robin who's just in a vest. He's not dressed up. And he looks at you and he says, first time in Warholo. Yeah, actually, now that you think about it,

yeah, I don't think I've ever been through you. I'll give you a triple. Oh, perfect. Thank you so much, sir. And I'll have me a Tomcat Collins. That's pretty good. That's a classic. I make the best Tomcat Collins. He hands it to you.

Thank you. I've always wanted to try one. It's just okay. You've got real sour-pull stick. Here's a tip. Yeah, we leave a few gold pieces. on the counter. You're able to get.

Yeah, we're rich. We're fucking loving. We won't be for long. Yeah, we will. We just made another technical phone. Hopefully. Speaking of that, you see the smell of incredibly rich and potent spices hits your nostrils.

You see that there's an entire table dedicated to steamed the massive claw that you have brought. It's a seafood tower. It's basically a seafood tower of all of these this claw prepared in all sorts of different ways. There's a melted butter fountain. Yes, there's a melted butter fountain. There's a whole, like, mostly crawfish.

This is like a hot and juicy, like, Cajun extravaganza table, all made from this. Big Baddadi Claw. Oh, no, gosh. I can't eat it. But I can't have the butter. I'll eat. I'll eat your portion and my portion.

How does that sell? You're a real friend, Griffey. Do it all right. I do it all can. A real friend. All right. and I'll just rip a piece of clawed me in our hand. Cheers, at least.

I'll take a big thing of cornbread and dip it under the fountain, the butter fountain. Cheers. Cheers. Slopping butter everywhere. It's so thick that it looks like, and golden, it looks like that scene from Winnie the Pooh when he goes into the tree and the honey.

And then the mouse with the back comes behind you. You what the fuck did I do you are growing this movie? That doesn't happen. Hi, guys. No, it really does. It looks like that scene from Edward penis hands when he's rubbing his penis like arms together. Dude, it's Edward penis fingers.

No, it's not. If it was hands, it would just be one giant shaft. That is exactly what it is. It is from like his elbow all the way down past his hands are two flopping weaners. Is that meaning of his armette? He's got his sexual life. No, he doesn't have testicles in his,

in his underarms. Does he? But that's why, yeah, he wears a tank top in the scene where he's like, you know? You really watch this a lot. Yeah, it's a great film.

So that's why when he's eating spaghetti, it's like draping over his piece of arms and he's trying to shovel it into his face. As you look around the party, as you look around the party, you enjoy a toast as butter is getting all under your costumes. God, it's like you don't know. And as you are all able to reconvene,

you see that, Alexander with Flaiza by his side are meeting, are having very pleasant conversation with the same pair of cats that had gotten the wine in front of you two. And they seem to be talking very jovially, and then there seems to be a level of seriousness as they begin to talk business of some kind.

They don't look busy at all. It seems like we'll probably get paid after the party, I would hope. We certainly don't want to bring that up in the middle of all the festivities, right? We don't want to risk it, do you? Well, I mean, it would be not polite to at least introduce ourselves to the host, right?

I mean, I've never met Alexander Hamilton, or have I? I mean, maybe I have. I don't know what's canon and what's done. No, that's a great idea. That's a fantastic suggestion. I like that better than going over there, marching over than demanding money.

Well, you just have to say no, we'll look down in front of his guests. You just have to be really careful because one of his best friends, they called him the hurricane, That's the, well, he's kind of small, but that's the hummingbird next to him. Oh, that's, wait, is that the,

Harry, the Hurricane Lockless? Oh my God, I've seen like wanted posters for that guy on it. They call him the hurricane. The Hurricane, yeah. That's a pretty serious man. That's the day when the hurricane came and everyone knows about it.

Yeah, oh, Harry, yeah, he's a nasty, he's a nasty drop of him. Harry Hummingbird, Hurricane. I guess-low with clothes. Sounds like somebody we don't want to mess with. Unbelievable. You have like a martini glass of red liquid that he's just like, Yeah, you actually look it.

He's a green hummingbird and a green suit that has a very saccharine red. He's dressed as a leprechaicon. Yeah, a bright, yeah, bright red. It can't cover obviously very long bill. And it's literally just sugar water. Yeah, exactly right. Do you think I could take him in a grease fight? No, because he's like a hurricane.

He would just blow the grease away. I mean, I don't know. I don't think you give him a Zangiefe or two, and that guy's out. I think he's dead, his neck, he's dead, his neck, he's moving. What is a Zan geef? Why do you keep saying this? Whatever the hell bits he did that poor.

It's your passive. It's a passive. She can't call my move. Yeah, but you didn't even kill him. Who is Zan? And why is he? Geefing. I'll tell that story

when we're not in public. This is a pervert's palace. You can just tell us now. You're saying Geif was an old boyfriend, and I don't want to talk about it anymore after that. Oh, good. More. I don't know.

What did you ask? Have you been the right guy, though? Have you been to prison? Have I been to prison? That's a great question. Yes. I can't. I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, dear Hello, Dr. I don't know anything about you. Now, we've been traveling together all this time, and you're still quite the mystery. Well, we can talk about it any time, but not in the middle of a fancy party. This is a nice masquerade.

I want to play the games. That's fair, that's true. Exactly. Fair point. Fair point. Should we go talk to Mr. Hamilton, I suppose. We should call him Mr. Mayor, right? We should call him the Mr. Mayor.

Just call him Alex. That seems really terribly informal. Can I call him Xander instead? I don't know if he likes that, but you could try. He probably won't pay attention to you at all. Like, clearly he's here as a raven and a writing desk. Oh. I don't know with that.

Oh. Oh, he's both. Oh, that's pretty clever. Yes, both. He's a raven at a writing desk. You look over and you see, you actually knows there are a few local celebrities or celebrities who's the dim wood, and you think, is that Edgar Allan Crow? You're not sure if the famed writer, Edgar Allan Crow is there,

and he's a raven. No one knows why his name is Edgar Allan Crow. It's very unfortunate. Yeah, I missed opportunity. Yeah, the raven, and then the writing desk right next to him is Alexander Hamilton. So he just dressed up like a piece of furniture. Well, yeah, his head is the quill.

I like that said. I like being furniture. He just says aloud. This is some good chip. And he stumbles back. I just look at gromily and I'm like, It's a weird smile. I haven't been true. Ah!

Who was that? Show you yourself! It was Bianca. You coward? It was Bianca and she was sucking a little bit of blood, so there's this tiny little mosquito bite on my ass. It's weird. A lump.

Thank you for the follow, Riggottagna. Tonya. Tonya, Tony, obviously. Kopeesh 45 and Paul V. Men. Thank you for so much. Welcome, welcome. We don't know what's up. Yeah, what about the frog?

What about Jericho? You don't see him. Oh, weird. Bummer. That's unfortunate. I wanted to ask him why in Lord of the wings. The Hobbits didn't just take a direct load of the mountain instead of the eagles dropping them.

Yeah, I was going to ask him how the orcs know about menus. Well, because if you see, I mean, they're a raiding culture, so it's not unreasonable that they would understand, you know, bits and pieces of how humans and even elves might interact. What the fuck are you talking about, probably? Oh, you haven't seen the major image. Can't say that I have. Oh, well. No, that's not true.

We watched it one night when you were completely blitzed and you asked us questions about Gandalf for at least like three or four hours. I got to start drinking bourbon. I am going to fly to the fire burner. You see his war bowl somehow made it in. There he is. They are gropin. I want to ask him about when he was swarm. He broke his toe by kicking the helmet.

Hey, clams. Speaking of breaking toes, I got to tell you a story once. We were having a fourth of Jafly party. and my family was getting really drunk and my dad was like, oh, let's go play soccer so he ran out into the yard and kicked a bowling ball and broke three of his toes. Oh, my God.

What the hell's a bowling ball? That's so funny. Well, we didn't, and we realized that he broke three of his toes and we had to take him to the hospital. Oh, my goodness. The dungeon? I mean the hospital. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

I didn't mean the hospital. That was the night he lost his foot. Jesus. It's good thing that he didn't kick into one of the holes and then the toe would have... Ew! Oh, right, it did not go. That's disturbing, Biddy.

We're saying this as we walk up to the mayor. Booker, you should be the one to introduce us, you know, you're very charming, especially in his film. Oh, should we, like, should, because this is such a perverted play, should we role play? As our characters, your role playing is singing leather daddy. We've got it over here. We've got...

I'm gonna be calling myself Tomasina. Perfect. And you're an elephant. Tom Sino. What about this Thomasing? Tomasina hungry. Tom Siener. That was really good. Oh, God.

Oh, God. What was in the water issue? Your nose frame of session must just be. They walked 30 feet from one side of the room and the other side of the room. That's it, that's all over complex. It's been like four hours. We're a roll.

We really have not. We're a roll. We made it from the front of the mansion to the masquerade. I don't know what roleplay is, Peggy. What does that mean? I don't even really know what a sad and now happy clown would be like.

I'm so sorry, I'm just massively horrified by your face. You were asking- No, I think I know. Um, you were asking what role-playing is? Well, yeah. So you think of what your character, if you were an elephant, Grammarie, how would an elephant act, and you do that? If Booker were a leather, a singing leather dad.

Yeah, whatever the hell I am. A singing leather dad. Yeah, if he were a singing leather daddy. He didn't sing Young Bear. That's right. That's a, that's a, that's right random happenstance. Continue. You ought to stop cracking the claw, cracking the claw, cracking the claw,

and cracking the claw, cracking the claw, yeah. Yeah, so what would that look like? And if you were, if you would charm Sina, the amazing, um, trink wrestler, what would train, not tank, train wrestler? I don't think I can act like that. It doesn't seem appropriate.

Anything's appropriate here. This is a perverts palace. Oh, if you say so. I do. And then, this I don't have any suggestions for, I'm going to be quite honest. I'll just send it the back. I won't even get in the way up from us. Yeah, and so I think maybe, because he writes a lot of stories,

that it might be a good way to get on his good time. All right. Do you think? I'll do my best, I suppose. I just want to walk up, I'll just walk up to introduce us. See? I think that's probably the plan. All right, I'll see how this goes. Wait. What?

Well, we all have to come up with voices for our characters. Oh, I... I shouldn't tell him who we actually are, because it's a masquerading that makes it more fun. And I don't want to get in trouble, because... Yeah, if we say the wrong thing, if he doesn't know who we are, then we can't be held accountable for it. Who knows who you are, right?

Look at me, I'm a cat. Oh. He knows me. me as a most mostly naked frog. Words probably got out about the... I don't know. I don't want to get in trouble. Well, I mean... Seems like we got out of that scot-free

and I'd really not to keep that going. I mean, I feel like it's inevitable. We introduced ourselves to Flazer. Right, but then to what I'm saying is we make sure that we get paid. Yeah. I'm definitely in the one that came out of that, uh, that family tree with all the brains

as my eyes go cross-side. Oh. I think we should be honest. It feels very disingenuous to be hosted at such a nice party. Well, we'll tell him afterwards and then he'll be like, wow, what an amazing performance. I'm gonna write about that in one of my books. There's a single oyster cracker at the very top of the clam chatter. That's very nice.

And a nice sprinkling of ancient estuary. Oh, wow. What's that? Old Bay. Oh. Get it. Ancient estuary. Took me in that too.

Estuary. Um. That's what Mike calls Old Bay and Icebound. Oh. Anyway, go on. With that, Flies, goes away with the two cat dignitaries, and they're talking and they're discussing about potential new legislation that the mayor is working on to propose to the Marquise.

Hello, Mr. Hamilton. Well, hello there. You know, we just had a really deep conversation. amongst us, came to absolutely zero conclusion. I'm very confused. My name is Booker. It's a pleasure to meet you. How do you recognize, Meen?

Oh, isn't it obvious? Is it? It looks exactly like. You're the most famous person in all of Wardwallow. Well, I guess I am. I apologize if I seem a bit distracted. This leather floss that's deep in my gooch is really distracting me and starting to chafe.

Yeah, you get used to it. These are, of course, are my friends, but we know you through Peggy, who you know very well. Oh, Peggy, I didn't recognize you with clothing on. Yeah, I know. Usually my eyes go, whew! I know flies ain't it when you do that. I think that's why she doesn't like me. This, of course, is crumbly.

How can you say no to this? This is Bittsy. Hi, I'm Thomasina, I'm a trade. And then this, and I point to the back, and as she looks at Hazel, she's like, weak, weak, we, right? And so like zooms in on her horrific face, ah, is Hazel.

And I just lowered the knife and no piece of pot. Yes, 100%. And we just wanted to thank you for inviting us with this lovely masquerade. Well, I didn't know that you were all invited, but welcome. To be fair, we didn't know either. Well, we did know. We brought the leg.

Oh, that's exactly right. Oh, yeah. Alexander, U.S. 10,000 gold, flies, agreed. It was a family discount because we brought that gigantic thing that the lobster thing. Extremely rare delicacy. And I've just seen money get between family members so often, so it would really be better if we were paid immediately. Paid immediately?

Yeah. Yeah, because otherwise, I'm going to have to talk to the birds and have them send some tweets out all over the forest about how you wouldn't pay your family for the work that they did for your gigantic mask. Peggy, you're going to start a political kerfuffle. I know, it would be awful for your re-election, which is coming up soon. No, I don't. You want to get canceled. I'd even reach as far as Click Clock.

It really might. And the thing is, people have been pinching Booker's ass, and if we mentioned that. That's a lot of perverts in your town, Mr. Hamilton. That you just let run around. What happened in Click Clock the other day? I can't afford to have any scandals. So you should probably just say, yes.

And you're responsible for the big bad crawdaddy claw? Yeah. That's right. The folks from, from New Felicia, I love it. I think that's buttering them up. Oh, yeah. Boom. I think they're going to put in a good word

and be able to get the votes that I need. Yeah, but not if I let the birds know and they start tweeting. Make a persuasion check advantage. Or intimidation. Or intimidation. We can't talk to anybody about threatening them. We have to intimidate the shit out of this guy.

We stay right over persuasion, right into a timidation. We're not for a person. 23. Boom. Paving to bring. Tidding tube brain. Mm-hmm. Good tightings you bring.

Mm-hmm. There's a woman, dress as Yoda. This is what I'm. I said it that. Yeah, there's a little frog, dresses Yoda, and you see the mouse at the bat following him. He's going to be the BB and G. I can win. You can't win.

He's got invid resources. It's Mikey Mouse. Yeah. Oh, no. He's undefeatable. I'm just having infinite resources. I, yeah, no, we'll, uh, we'll, uh, we'll, we'll get, we'll get you paid right away as long as, as Fliza signed off on it. I trust her. She's the brains. When it comes to money, I'm terrible with it. Um, uh, you can, you can go to, to my, my muscle, um, uh, uh, the most ruthless assassin. Do not, do not. He is the most brutal bodyguard. I remember the day the hurricane came. He's an assassin. He's an assassin. He's the only reason why I haven't been a assassin. He's the only reason why I haven't been a fascinated yet.

He's not upset him. Wouldn't drink? He's got a crazy temper. He's the only, he's protecting me from all of these threats. I've heard that sometimes when people are playing games late at night, he'll stand behind a curtain with a shotgun just in case anyone gets unruly. No, he does do that. But gods. That's terrifying.

Have you had a lot of attempts on your life? Well, my ideas are not quite standard from the Marquisade, and so there's people who just disagree with my new way of thinking. I really wish that he was Kermit and that flies always miss piggy. Oh, me! Well, I'm mayor! The mayor is! Why are there so many?

Songs about rainbows. What thoughts on the other side? No, because I make it's a sass! Well, that would only happen if they had a pair. I grabbed the mayor and I pull up. What are the odds of that? So he said, you need your payment, the hurricane, well, he will, he will be able to pay. Just don't upset him.

He's a very rough customer. All right. Understood. It's going to be a good night, the captain of the guards that were very well protected here. I heard him saying that, yeah. But especially no assassinations, no attacks. We've heard about all the nastiness with the Woodland Alliance. some wild stuff. Do you know, what's a great way to make sure you're not attacked?

You know that huge whiteboard outside? Just have someone right at the entrance play Edward Pino's hands using a major image onto that board. And if anyone comes up, they'll be too distracted to attack. Oh, that's a great idea. What's a major image? Magic doesn't exist in the setting. Excuse me, I did create magic. Oh, I guess I don't know the setting that well. That's what I named the projector system. That I get. Flaza for Christmas. Oh, is that what that's called? Yeah, it's called the Major Image Corporation.

Oh, I guess it's a moving, okay, it's a major image picture, okay, I get it, I get it. Didn't the Doctor pull a DVD out on? It's just, yeah, not just any DVD. Just a level set. Excuse me, Tia. Welcome, welcome. Thank you for the follow.

I think, you're my assistant. Now, your sister, your wife, Fliesel? Yeah. She's got great taste. Everything in shag like this? Even the chandelier. I don't know about them candles, but everything's so wrong. His costume, you now realize, if you had the fourth wall breeding perspective, he just dressed

as awesome powers. Oh, great. He's got the big frog. Yeah, exactly. He's got the teeth and, like, the front of his, because frogs don't have teeth. Imagine him. Can you imagine a frog with Austin Power's teeth? Oh, very freaky, baby.

Wow, I love your costume. I love Otterpowers. Oh, it's my favorite story series. I guess it explains a lot of the Warhol. Oh, it's shag. You know, shagging. That's true. It goes.

It's on theme. It is on theme. Oh, I, Tommy. Could you speak elephant? Brumley, are you having a stroke? That means nice to meet you an elephant. I'm sorry.

I don't know what's gotten into our friend here. He's, he might be a little unwell. My ghosts. You know, the doctor told me there was a breakout of ghosts in the blood. Turns out. No one can know about this. You have to get it. keep this on the DL.

As long as we get paid in a timely man. I can't have a ghost scandal, okay? Well, I'll make sure that the birds don't find out about it as long as we get paid. Are you saying ghosts or goats? They have goat ghosts now? Ooh! I'm going to go get another tomcat cow. I go and get another tomcat, and I might make my way over to the hurricane.

We'll say. We have to get paid, don't we? So we gotta go to the hurricane. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I can wait for Bitsy to grab a drink and we'll all just head on over there. Well, let's un-Wisha. Because we always knew, just let Bitsy roam.

You turn to see at the bar, I am flighting the Tom Collins off the top of the bar served by this Robin character. But like an infant, I accidentally tip it and dump the entire thing on my face. And then I ask for another one, and I take that and I start to make my way over people, guy. Just stinking of booze. And that made it.

You turn and make a dexterity saving throw for me, please. Oh, yeah, my pleasure. I actually have to bring my stats up. Oh, monstrous. That face is so. 21. 21. You turn around and you nearly spill your drink again all over yourself. But you, because you almost bump into a very tall figure, as a large, square-headed, green-skinned costume character goes,

Boo's good. Don't slip I spilled. I almost filled myself. And you remember the gentleman from the costume closet? Oh, hi. Frankenstein. I love your bolts. Oh, God.

You just squeezing people's bolts. Excuse me, and I'll dip between his legs and make my way back over to my friends. Boo's good. We should really keep our eyes out because. There were a lot of dignitaries here. Do you think Tiger King's here? I don't know who that is. Who? Well, the King of the Tigers. Oh, well, I've never seen a tiger in person.

Me neither. He's really just an orange-striped cat, but he fancies himself a tiger. Oh, hmm. So he's role-playing as a tiger. It's like I'm rope playing as an elephant. Yeah. Because I've never seen an elephant. That's exactly right. Yeah. It's really kind of an ego thing, you know. Yeah.

Is this time to smell like poo in here? I didn't want to say anything. It's weird. I think all these tinitaries have shut the pants. All of them? A good portion, yeah. Oh, no. I hope they're all wearing masquerade diapers.

I hate you. Don't, don't count. Fuck you, it does! It doesn't count. All I do is change the noun before diapers? Yeah, we can't give you. You're not giving him that ripple. No!

No! As he looks and says, well, there's a few morons. A few more officials. There's a few more officials that I need to talk to before they get too drunk and swale themselves. Can I ask why that seems to be the host to me? I don't know what those folks from New Felicity are taken, but it is bad stuff.

stuff. It's really bad. They all just kind of release. We're all full of clothed here. It's kind of like when someone vomits and then someone else smells it and vomits too.

A sympathy shot. Yeah, it's a sympathy shot. Well, I'm going to go make, well, there's someone that I need to speak to. There's anything else that you need. As Tote, everything's going to be fine tonight. And so just just, just be careful, just mind your words around the hurricane.

Oh, we will. Good luck. It's been so nice to meet you and I look forward to talking to you at length later on in this party. Oh, I'm very excited for that. I'm looking forward to it. I reach up and I immediately sort of embrace him in a quick hug and then back away.

I don't know why I did that. I just felt like he was polite, you know? Oh, okay, that's fine. You feel like the purple velvet of his costume. Oh, nice. Mezzled. Yeah. You're an elephant or a Roomba.

I was going to say it. I'm trying my face, okay? It wasn't, it wasn't a criticism. It wasn't, but it wasn't a criticism. I'm just, you know, stating the obvious. It's just an observation. You're doing your job. Sorry, I'm sweating profusely.

This is pure felt. It doesn't breathe at all. You look very moist. I'm very moist. I'm not passed out on me saying. All the shag carbon are here isn't helping, I'm sure. It's really bad. It's just squishes when you walk on the floor.

You're spilling drinks all over. It really didn't help bigger. Jesus. I mean, I'm sure it doesn't help with the few dignitaries that aren't wearing any pants. All right, should we go see Hurricane Mulligan? Honey he has been. We're ready.

You leave the mayor behind as you make your way, grabbing a drink if you care to. And you see that there is standing off to the side looking around, head darting like a hummingbird, is completely impossibly fast. And then occasionally taking his bill and darting a tongue into the red saccharine-looking drink. It looks around in the full green, red-haired leprechaun costume.

You see the hurricane. Oh, gosh. You see some of the guards of standard Marquisotte soldiers, right? Soldiers and guards, the standard detail. You'd gotten the sense that the hurricane was the personal family detail of the mayor. You see the guards, like, look at him, and they're trying to avoid the gaze of the hurricane. No, no. Did you not hear anything that Hamilton said.

We've got to approach him with caution, give him a wide breath, make sure that he knows what there. We don't really don't want to sneak up on him, and we want to be nice to him, and just tell him what the situation is, and so he can pass, and we can all be moving on. Oh, guys, so don't sneak up on him. No, no. He's the most deadly. assassin and all of the dimwood, allegedly. Do we really want to test that theory? I could be sneaky myself.

But all right, I guess I don't want to risk it. It does look like it did a pound of cocaine. Well, all right. Excuse me, Mr. Hurricane. Hello? Hi. You see as he's looking out across the ballroom, towards the Croadad table, as he's narrowing his eyes and it's a couple of individuals that he seems to have marked.

And you see that by his side, there is some sort of strange contraption that looks like a crossbow, filled with like a rattling cage of like grape shot. As... What? Grape shot. What's that? He has like an old-timey shotgun.

Oh. It's kind of like a bunch of cranes. Well, I mean, that's the idea. It's usually metal grapes. Okay. It's like a buckshot. It's actually just filled with grape nut cereal. Oh.

Does he correct us and tell us his name's not Hurricane? It's her one can. It's her one can't. He doesn't. As he looks around, he then you see his head just darting back and forth. And then as soon as you approach me, stops. And he looks at you.

Oh, that's a bit unsettling. Hi, hi, my name is Booker. Hey, guys. Hey. What's up? Oh, not much. I did not expect you to sound like that? Yeah, me neither.

What do you expect me to sound like? Literally. Literally anything else. I'm sorry. We're just a bit taken aback and I'm... Anyway, uh... You just sound so relaxed. We just had a conversation with, um, Mr. Hamilton, the mayor.

His wife, uh, flies us signed off on, uh, 10,000 gold pieces for us because we brought this lovely, bountiful feast. Yeah, Hurricane's good to see. How you doing? Oh, yeah, you must know each other. You guys go way back. Oh, hey, Peggy. Yeah, how's, how's your reading going?

You guys down in the bosses in your game? You're not supposed to know about the rating of the neighboring towns. No, in your game, Hurricane. I don't play games. Oh. I like your costume. Thanks. We should make the exchange outside.

On the balcony. Okay, I guess if that's more comfortable for you, we can make that work. I could use some fresh hair. I also could use some fresh hair. Everything's a little blurry. Everything's real moist, yeah. You start to soak through your felt, ugh. Oh, have you made it to Silver and League of Links yet?

You tailor into Pants? He forgot. I'm sort of intentional. At this point, I'm getting kind of used to, to be honest. Hurricane's not a seamstress or a seamster or a seam in this. I heard he was a tailor. What? He's overcame.

He's been tailored. I was paid a bunch of silver buyer links. But we don't talk about that. Anyway, let's go outside. Yeah, to the balcony. Why not? We'll follow you. To the balcony.

You don't know who you are. And if there are people... You want to play some chess? There are people from new Felissa. What? What's your favorite color? I don't have a favorite color. Okay, you are not the hurricane.

And you see he's literally entirely in green. And he's a green hummingbird. He, he, he, uh, says, I don't have, I don't have time for colors. As he steps out outside and, uh, you see as he, uh, he looks around and he says, uh, we don't know who you are. And if any of these nobles and dignitaries, see the mayor paying off any people who end up getting into a scandal themselves. You don't got to explain to us.

We'll keep it low. Just give us the gold. You don't know, no big deal. No, that's fine. Okay. We're not going to get any trouble. He taps the shotgun on his hip. All right, that's not necessary.

I'm feeling all threatened here, all right? That's the point. Oh. Oh, it's working. Good. Good. Cool, guys. Let's go.

Yeah, I'd like to get out of here because it smells like, shit. And whenever anyone comes from you, Felicia, and he opens the door, when he opens the door to the balcony. And you see that there's a few, um, few people out here with drinks looking and there's a beautiful balcony that overlooks the massive lake. It's actually built up onto the third story of this manor. So you see all of Whartwallow, the main town and all the various hamlets around this swampy clearing. And you see as the hurricane just takes a quick look around and you see that there's actually a large coin purse that he pulls out.

just is. He's saying, don't ask how I fit all this in here. And he... Wouldn't dream of it. And he doles out the payment that you've requested, exactly, to the T, and it's completely effortlessly. It's incredibly fast. The only Hummingbird could pull off, as it is, it's like machine gun fire as he counts,

and you have your payment. Perfect. Have you read any new YA novels lately, Hurricane? Oh, yeah, I have. We should talk about it later. All right, cool. I've got some suggestions. for you. Awesome. Awesome. He looks around and says, uh, I think I need to see what these otters are

how'd you like the new OB-Wan Kenobi? The one about the bears? Yeah, the bees. Yeah. It was great. I loved it. Nothing wrong. Wait, what's that about the honors? I have some thoughts. I have some suspicion. That's for a shifty bunch, you know. We rode over here, not from anywhere dangerous, but we came over on a boat from a barge from Wadoras, and they were not very nice.

I should stop talking. I feel like I'm saying things I'm not supposed to be. Tell me more. He narrows his hummingbird eyes at you through the leprechaun mat. We just purchased a ride. I mean, you know, there's many people up and down the reverence. Yeah, but they really overcharged us. was kind of a dick.

It's supply and demand. It's just what it is. Nobody said they had to be nice. This isn't out of the ordinary. Why are you mad at me? I'm not mad at anybody. It's a shripply of facts. Take your facts.

Whoa, you should not. Yeah, I was going to say. You just said take your fucks. I did. Yeah. You were like preemptively cursing him. I kind of like that for you. I don't mean to.

No, I like that for you. I feel like when you get aggressive like this, you really assert your dominance. I think I'm it's good for you Sometimes I feel like I just get really ramped up you know Yeah, and then it sort of peters out and I get tired That's because you start eating my blood sugar you know yeah I have extreme range issues too I understand Oh yeah so you get it it's a sugar water. Oh yeah exactly if I don't get my sugar water

That's exactly me if I don't have a slice of over a diet at least every 30 minutes it's like whoop Watch out you know which here oh thank you I can always came on you always always I raised my knife. Anyway, I'm going to go back inside. Cool costumes. Thank you. You too. Oh, thanks.

I thought it was pretty cool. Are you supposed to be that gar from that like team, like a bunch of team solving mysteries with the dog? You know, to go to God it's like, I love to eat sandwiches. Shacky, no wonder they have the carpets. like this best friend of Alexander Hamilton, his name's Shaggy. Does he that the character's name?

Yeah, he's friends with Scooby-Doo. Oh. Haven't you seen the major image? I just really like cereal. See it. And he turns around and leaves. Wait, no, I wanted to find out how you became a cellar. Make a group reception check for me.

Oh, jeez. Because you're left on the ultimate. Oh, Jesus. Natural twin, terrible. Natural, pocket twill. Oh, boy. I didn't see it. See nothing.

Wait, wait, wait. I have a feature that I don't ever use because I don't know how to play this character. What did you say? Perception? You said? Presception is skills. I got an eight. 25.

Okay. 18. 236. Eight. Now, five. It's close. Booker. We'll go with seven, but I don't, I think I have a, yes.

No. Seven. Seven. Grumling. It's exciting there for a second. Something, as you look around, you don't see anything at first. But there's something that drifts on the wind that only your dog knows can pick up. It's through all the shit.

And it smells somewhat familiar. Uh-oh. You smell vegetables. Oh, wow. That's much better than I was thinking. You smell cabbage and cauliflower. flour, carrots, and then you look over in the direction where the scent is following you.

Wait, did we get paid? Where you're following. Yeah, you got paid. And you see very far off into the distance. You wouldn't have noticed it if you hadn't already known to look in the exact direction. Tiny little flickering torch off into the swamp. That seems to be moving.

guys. Yes, rummley. I'm past the smell of orange, shitting people's fans back there. I smell vegetables. What? That's weird. Well, you know, a common thing to eat is corn and with everyone shitting themselves back there. I mean, we're basically

in corn and corn alone there. It's a lot of vegetables. It's like carrots. I'm not even going to I'm pretty sure I saw that cat get into the convection oven and pull out an entire human-sized pot pie. and eat it by itself, so that could account for the carrots. I smell carrots and cabbages and cauliflower and and and crubarb.

Crucible. I don't know. I just want to keep saying cruistak. Crute. Well, that's certainly bizarre. Crustables. I couldn't think of the words, so I said crude crud. Are you sure?

That's what you're getting. I don't know about that. People always serve that at parties like it's fancy because they call it crude a tae, but it's really just lazy, uncooked vegetables. It's wrong. I was also thinking of the little peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that are round that don't have crusts. Oh, crustables. Yeah, cruistibles.

Maybe I'm pronouncing it wrong. Anyway, what was that book? I was just saying, are you sure that's what you're actually getting? I mean, that seems like a weird thing to be to be picking up out here on the balcony. I'll look out and you'll see that my eyes are going. going off in the opposite directions, but I see forward. Can't you see those lights out there?

But if you follow my eyes, there are no lights. No, no, no. Peggy's right. I looked in the direction when there's dancing flames out there. And there's a lot of torches. Maybe it's just like a night market. But why are we even concerned about it?

Right? Because like they've said, even if there was an attack, unless they had a ban, we're perfectly fine. No, it's fire. This whole thing is shag carpet's going to go up in like three seconds. No, but it won't because shag carpeting is a synthetic fiber. And so the way you can tell if something's a high-end fiber versus a synthetic fiber is if it catches fire. So things like cotton and linen, et cetera, those burn.

They'll ignite and go up into flames. But things like polyester, those melt. And so honestly, it would just know. I don't understand a single word you just said to me, except I think you called me sympathetic. I did. It's a huge part of the textile industry and you would think you would know better as someone that wears clothes. God in the universe thinks that I'm pathetic. Oh, it's someone really busy. What you do?

Did I... Oh for God. Why am I the one? I choose to die. The fucking face. The fucking face. The fucking this. When he won't let me do it anymore.

It just reminds me a lot of our friend Benji. And there's been a lot of talk about a bear tonight, almost as if it was dramatic foreshadowing. Oh, no. Grubly, you don't think. Do you mean Benji the Bulldog? No, worse than that. The bear that we were scared of

and we ran away right before we got captured. He smelled like vegetables. We knew what his name was. Well, they talked about Benji Bear later. Oh, what happened to him? Did he die? No. Yeah, he died. You brought back his stuff. Why do he smell like vegetables?

The last thing that we heard him say was that he was extremely excited to become a war machine. A tool of war. Was that good? Why would a vegetable-scented bear want to become a war machine? Those two things don't seem to go together very much. I don't know, but that's exactly what he said. Well, maybe it's just... A kidding machine foot of wooden alliance.

Exactly right. Maybe it's just another vegetable. Smelling. Maybe it's somebody else. I mean, what are the chances? Why would they be out there? What if it's the Henri Cabbage Merchant that keeps yelling at people

for knocking over his cabbages? Maybe he expanded into carrots and other root vegetables. Yeah, because carrots and stuff don't roll quite the way cabbages do. I'm smelling a lot more than cabbages. What do? What can we do?

Do we alert everyone that there is about to be a light? Can I look out of the light? getting closer, like if it's coming towards us? I would say with Grumley's perception check, you're now able to see it's absolutely getting closer. 100%. They're coming this way.

Maybe we should head out there and try to stop them. Maybe one of us should go out there and see if we can accept them and the rest to go back and grab all of our shit. I don't want to live like this the whole rest of my life. Look at me. That's true. That's true. I'm trying to hoises up in the wash, baby.

You know, if this was a little more breathable, I could consider it, but I think I would die of fluid loss. Shame on you for passing over on this costume. I think I know what this means. I'm freezing. I think we all need to get naked for the coming battle. I'm not totally comfortable with that. I don't really want to get mixed up in any of this. You want to just leave?

I mean, I don't really like my sister anyway, so I guess if they all die a brutal death at the hands of a war bear, as long as I'm not here. It's not a big deal. Oh, Peggy, they're terrible. But why would they even want to attack this place? I mean, I figured they were just going to head right on down to sticker brush, and we were going to meet up with them there, or at least talk about it, I guess. To be fair, what reason do they have to?

Well, how do they would just go? You know? Yeah, I mean, to be quite honest, every time Alexander Hamilton tries to have sex with me, it calls me Maria, and it's very weird. Is Maria not unique? No. Well, that makes sense. That seems very weird.

That's a reason. Yeah, and I keep telling him, I really gotta say no to this, and you should really say no to this. I mean, do you, do you really want your friends and family's throat? Scott? Because that's very much what could happen or probably will happen. Well, Alexander's not really my friend of family. He's just my sister's husband, who tries to sleep with me and calls me Maria.

My sister's a bitch, so we got paid already, yeah. We did. I have the sum, we just got to dole it out. I mean, the only person I'm really concerned with is the doctor, because he helps me get over my acne with extensive electroshock therapy. Wait, wait, didn't you say it was supposed to make you forget that you had acne? Yeah, and it did. And how are you remembering that you had acne? Well, I remember that I had acne.

I don't remember that I currently have acne. And as you look at me, I have a lot of acne. Hogwarts. I thought that was just warts. Makes sense now. What's just warts? Nothing, dear. All right.

I just, I feel really bad. I don't want to leave Mayor Hamilton to get slain. He seemed like a pretty progressive thinking guy. Well, then I feel like we should probably let them know. Maybe we should tell Hurricane. He's the security detail. Maybe he can get him out. And leave all the rest of these punch hit us.

to die. And the perverts. One and the same. It's worse than a patch of ever. The name of this episode is perverts and pay and shit are. I'm a fucking nightmare.

Come to see me kickstown. A new TDRPG system. Do you want to run this session with your friends? Do you want to run it on Patreon? Oh, shit. Your options for classes are pervert or pants sater. That's it.

There's no in between. That's all you get. Fighting and spell casting. The new version of werewolf. A pants chin or a pervert. Somebody here shed their pants. But you don't know who. Looking at the torches,

how long do we think we have to decide whether or not we're going to be in this? They're far out, but then you realize now, as you look out, one blinks out, and then another, another, another. As all the torches start going out, and suddenly it's darkness in the swamp. All right. A left are they going stealth mode.

I think this is a good idea. We'll alert the herde cane. We'll just let him know we saw something out here. We don't have to say we know what it is. That way we don't get wrapped up in this. What if he doesn't believe us? And then we say, okay, we do know what it is, and then he really doesn't believe us because we can't walk for the first time.

Man, I have so many smart suggestions and bitchy is just calling me. Holding me by a hostage. Well, let's just tell him. We don't know where they are now. We'll just let him know. That's all we can do. It's really not a problem. We don't want it to become a problem.

I just don't want Mayor Hamilton to die. He seems like he's really trying to do good here. The hurricane won't let anything happen to him. All right. Yeah, he's got a shotgun. Did you see his cold, hard, evil dead stare? That's the guys is a killer. Yeah, and someone who reads Y.A. novels as an adult.

There's nothing wrong with that. I read why I ain't. It's really good. There's nothing wrong with that. The last one I read was really crazy. It was about a girl named a Winker basket. She was really special but clumsy, but athletic like a ninja. And two boys fought after her.

Oh, yeah, I read that one. She had two different colored eyes. Holy, whoa, where did you come from? I'm a silent of the grave. The grave thing about. She was really beautiful, but no one seemed to know until she put her hair up. Right. That's the best part. It's a good thing you showed up. Look, right out there, right just a moment ago, we saw lots of

torches lit up in the woods and they were coming towards us. Then they all started to go out one by one. There could be trouble. It might be under attack. I mean, who would be out in the woods at this time of night? Only crazy vagabonds would be out there at this time of night. He looks at you. I don't see anything. I just told you there were a bunch of torches marching towards the town and they just all went out. Make your persuasion check.

It's like they're going stealth mode. Sicko mode. Look at all these dignitaries in one place and the mayor of one place. Oh, that's really unfortunate. I mean, we got this. You said persuasion? Well, the good thing is, when I make a charisma of persuasion or charisma deception check, I can treat a D-roll 20 of nine or low as a 10.

So that one is actually a 10 and plus eight is going to be 18. for persuasion. 18, wow, the natural one. Thank God. It's my badger's ability, but not as powerful. He looks at you, and then his eyes narrow. And he says, I'm going to check it out.

Thank you. That's all we're asking. Aside from leave quietly and never speak at this again. Yeah, I mean, we, you know, we're... Hold my fruity martini. Oh, all right. I'll hold this for you. He slings the... the shotgun around his back, and you see as his arms furl out,

and he just, you hear like a very quick fluttering as he takes off into the sky. I got to be honest with you. Holding this fruity martini makes this costume a little bit worse. As soon as he like zips off into the night, you hear, I hope they're not after my lucky charm.

What are we going to do? I mean, he's pretty quick. I guess we just wait here and see what happens. I don't want to go into it with his martini. If he gets off kilter, we're all in trouble. I got to go down to the dungeon, and I got to get my pack and my clothes and my pants are stuck with my shoes. That's a good idea. Maybe we should collect our items and be ready to hightail out here.

I need at least five minutes to don't my armor. Oh, I'm pretty sure it's ten. No, ten is to doff. Or it's the other way around. It's the other way around. It takes less time to take your arm off than it does to put it on. It takes like Peggy, you know, five. minutes to get dressed in like two seconds to take it off then two seconds is me

taking a long time I'm gonna be a gonna try to be a tease about it if you need to go without me I won't stop you please just save yourselves I'm not gonna leave you behind no you have no we don't ten minutes that we have enough time we got plenty of time be all right go now I'll come with you I'm gonna get my staff just just yeah I'm gonna go back to the room too and just trust that hurricanes got this We scatter. And I'm gonna chase after them. Should I get my stuff and I'm just gonna take the martini with me.

Okay. And so I'm like running through the party. You're spending it everywhere. And yeah, I'm sloshing the martini. Ah, ah, I'm very frantically running through the party. Roll a D20 to see how many pinches you get. Is it right? Stop it, no!

No, no. Roll a D100 for sure. So, Daddy. Seventy- 73. Wow. Wow. Oh, no, my asses.

This is so swollen agenda. I'm not going to be able to sit for our bottom. Maybe it's that guy. Everybody's doing it. Let's all just pitch his ass. I like the mustache. Oh, God. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, the tail is a bottom of me.

It doesn't come out. I got it. That doesn't come off. This is highly inappropriate. Even I'm uncomfortable. I love those sessions. Isn't that session? Oh, you're putting armor on.

Yeah, he's not fissing a puppet. He's equipping a gauntlet. Oh my! The technique. So everyone else to me is the party. You're trying to make sure that you don't slosh too much, so you're behind, as well just all the attention that you're getting. Oh, and right as you're about to leave,

suddenly you see someone immediately appear in front of you as you see the hurricane. And he's standing and looking at you. He's like, oh, hey, thanks. And he reaches up and grabs it. And he looks, he says, this isn't jelly donut. He's completely covered in blood. Oh my God.

What happened out there? Oh yeah, no, they were treating. They were retreating? Who's they? They're the traitors, the rebels. It turns on you. The rebels? Yeah.

So, so that's it, you've just, what were they up to? I mean, did it look like they were going to attack the clearing? Oh yeah, they were going to attack the party, absolutely, yeah. And you've just, wow, that's actually pretty impressive. Holy smokes. How many did you kill? Long live, the Marquis. And that is her own.

I guess you're the real deal then. Holy smug. Yeah, the leader escaped. That was unfortunate, but. I scared the bear away. What the leader looked like? He was a shockingly muscular mouse. With a very deep and loud voice.

It was very bizarre. I hope his name is Bobsey. All right, well, are you going to report to Mr. Hamilton about this? He looks over and he sees. Nah, let him enjoy his party. I've already let the captain the guards now. All right. Oh, hey, I'm not telling you how to do your job, that's for sure.

I was thinking about maybe putting on something a little less revealing. I'm a little shook from everything. My butt cheeks are sore. I think I'm all partied out. I want to take off this clown out. Hey, Derek. Winnie's here. You want to do that face.

Oh, yeah. You're welcome, Winnie. I immediately left the part because I move incredibly fast, like a train. I bolt through the part through the entire masquerade. I disappear through the hallways, the shag carpet only propelling my mouth feet forward. Can you roll it D-100 for me? I would happily do that.

See how many axes. Making my way towards the dungeon with the 28th. You break the bones of 28 party goers. I'm holding kids. I just like go. I don't have that many pencils. And so I race through the, I make my way to the entrance to the dungeon.

And I kick the door in and I fly down the stairs. I immediately lose my footing and go across, because I'm not used to the fact that it's spiral. I just go straight out, and then I land, but because I have slow fall, I don't take any damage. I get up, I race fast the actual lightning or Tesla coils or whatever they are. I immediately grab all of my things,

I punch them into my arms, I turn around and like the Roadrunner, immediately grab a pamphlet. Oh, oh. And then I immediately go straight up the stairs, and then I'm back and I'm in the masquerade with the rest of the party as that conversation was happening. As you saw that, you saw that you'd seen Dr. Frankl's passed out on his desk with an empty bottle that is labeled definitely not drugs. And one of the SDD pamphlets open and it's just moaning.

I'm in the room crying, putting on my own, I'm going to die. Benji's going to kill everyone. Probably you're not going to die. Are you here? Are you here? Yeah, you can't decide where you are. You're teleport and left and right. What?

I'm in the room and then I'm standing at the party. I said I was going to come upstairs and you decided to get us down. Talking to the guy when he was here. So you probably don't remember where I'm. Hazel does this. She instant transmissions back and forth to have a conversation with hurricane and also gruntly at the same time.

Well, I guess in that case, bring my shit down. Hurricane loads at her. She's fast. I thought she would come help me, but she just... Walking speaking, 30, right? That's what I do. Wow, a moment of silence tonight. Everyone's exhausted.

I'm pretty fucking tired. I will make my way to the room. This is what you guys must have been after hypnotice of what has happened. I fill you in on what the hurricane has told us. Wow, what an assassin guy. If only his name was Bobsey. And I will go find Corny and Peggy and also try to let them know what happened and suggest perhaps we don't need to leave if we're enjoying ourselves.

We don't seem to need to clear out. The hurricane took care of all of them. You came back for me We never left you, Grumley I told you we weren't going to leave you How much time do I have To the white meet our demise No, I mean that seems to be it

He took care of everything The very muscular mouse fled He repelled the bear Grumly, it's not all over your face I have no idea if the fox girl Because I are alive I mean everybody, he was covered in blood It was crazy

I can't believe he just went out there and killed him I feel terrible Entire resistance, folks It's dead. It's like all those people we released. We were just murdered. We were aware that they call him the hurricane for a reason. I thought he would just escort Hamilton to safety.

I didn't think he'd go out there and... I guess you're right. We should have known. He's just a walking murderer. Even with those odds, I'm surprised he... Oh no. I hope he didn't... And we should have known if his favourite colour is green,

even though he won't admit it. It is a complementary colour to red, and what is red? Oh, that'll make sense now. How did we not see it before? It's like a walking humming Christmas tree. I don't know. I don't know what we do. I mean, we can still quiet. We have our money. We can quietly sneak out of here and get away. We don't have to stay. Maybe we should go and see if any of those poor people still alive in the woods. Are you kidding? I don't want to get found amongst a bunch of dead bodies. Are you kidding? We don't want to be involved in this at all.

I just feel terrible. What time are we supposed to meet Linguini or whatever his name was? Some predetermined time in the morning, which I'm making up. The god of the world is putting it in my brain. Maybe we should just retire to our room now that there's no threat. Let the bodies rot outside in the forest. It's at this point that you hear the heavy footsteps of footfalls of soldiers. The Marquis-Azac guards are flooding from the party and leaving the manner

seemingly heading in the direction of the swamp where the hurricane had been done his business. So the guard is leaving. So much of the guards are leaving. You see that there's still heavy guard, but there's a number, there's a contingency force that is going up to investigate the remnants of the battle. Look there, the hurricane must have already told them about it.

I mean, they gotta be heading out there to go check it out. We definitely do not want to be involved with this. It's not our problem. So do we stay or do we just like sleep out, you know, on the ground somewhere until the morning. I don't wanna be in here anymore. This place is bad news.

I sleep better when there's someone standing in the shadows watching me. Can we at least lock the door? It's what I'm used to growing up here. Is there a lock on the door? No. We can't be back to the room. There is, but it's just for sure.

We get back to our room, the door didn't remove. I got a swine. There's suspicious, like, oh, there's mouse holes. Wait a minute, mice are people-sized in the setting. Oh, no. It's like dreams in the witch house. Oh, God. Derek, can you pass me those scissors?

Oh, no. You're not going to cut up the purple, are you? I am, yeah. No, don't cut it up. We have two of them. Do we? I never want to touch that. That's what I said.

I moved it with a pen earlier. I thought it looked sticky. That is disgusting. I insinuated that you rub your penis on it. I apologize. Why wouldn't you? It's that kind of session. What the hell?

So do we stay here or do we not? I don't know. I honestly don't know. I look. A waterbed. Can I jump on? Well, maybe we get a good night's rest because who knows what the altar's going to ask us to do,

you know, when we get down to McBed Creek. For what it's worth, we haven't slept in like three days. That's true. Maybe I'm just a little paranoid from lack of sleep. I mean, I guess no harm really will come to us if the hurricane is around. I mean, that guy's a stone cold murder. Unless he finds out. What? When they forgot the horrible, horrible tragedy that was in the last town that we ran from, we feed.

That wasn't us. We don't have any ties to that. Yeah, I was a prisoner at the time. like we were there, you know? No, we weren't there. Okay, Hazel? That was- God's Almighty. That was Hank and Pugly and...

None of this has anything to do with us. Could not have Puddley? Should you be winking at me? No! I'm so confused. But that strange guy in the corner is supposed to be winking at Chiff. Can we get him out? I don't really need to go.

I'm gonna sleep. Um, let's, why don't we just go to bed? I'm very tired. We can use some rest, we'll meet the otter in the morning, and we'll continue on. How does that sound? Oh, that reminds me. Separated out the 2,000 gold pieces that we owe the otter.

1600 for the rest of you. Here, take it off. Thanks. Thanks. I don't have any pockets in my flesh, so someone has to keep mine. I can carry yours if you want. Yeah. I don't know their equipment.

1600 plus 1600 dude I have so much money the actual weight of each go yeah it's like it's like dozens and dozens of pounds our gear is just mostly close it weighs as much as we do all right yeah I can use a rest I suppose you then hear as there steps of guards approaching your room what the fuck I'm I'm not asleep in my arm, just in case. I'll just lay down. I'm keeping on the elephant mask. You hear a knock on the door.

The door's back. What could it possibly be? Coming. You open and you see the hurricane. He's cleaning himself of blood, and he looks at you, and he says, thanks for telling me about those rebels. I mean, we just happen to be in the right place at the right time.

Bad news, though. What? There was an assassination attempt on the mayor. Is he right? Yeah, that's horrible. Members of the Riverfoe Company. Sent by a, we think, someone in the Marquisade. Oh, my gosh.

No. They say that you speak for them. I mean, that's upset. That's ridiculous. If it wasn't for the Skinkerton mercenary company in disguise, they would have succeeded. Why, so it was the artists who tried to kid him? Paid off by some noble family, we're going to get to the bottom of it. Skinkertons know how to get information, but the assassins say that you speak for them.

You're part of the, you know, the Don personally. That's not true. We've never met the Don in our lives, right? What, Don? I don't tell you. I don't know what to tell you. We're just here to enjoy a lovely party. We're very happy that our good friend, Mr. Hamilton, is alive and well.

That's exactly right. We're just trying to help. We'll clear it all up. It'll be fine. They can all read YAA novels and go to sleep. You know. Your persistent calmness is really freaking me out. Oh, no, I find it very reassuring.

Thank you very much for being so level-headed through all of this. Of course. It'll be fine. Like I said, you saved the entire party and from potentially a horrible massacre. They had a bear. That was shocking. Thank God he was so cowardly. Oh, dear. Unbelievable. I just can't believe it.

I'm, she'd be... I mean, they're scary that they're naming you as an accomplice. Oh, all of you. Oh, not just him? Yeah, what the hell, Robly? Oh, you came in on the barge today. He's from Macbett Creek, so I just figured, you know, that maybe... No, you've all been named as accomplices.

Look, we just... Ridiculous. You know, we took the barge, we had to get out of the clock crossing. You know what happened there was awful. When everybody needed to get out, we just, we bought a passage just like anybody else for it. That's right. I just said earlier, they go, I was an asshole. This conversation finally wakes Bitsy from her immediate pass out sleep on the water

mattress and she sees what's happened and stumbles on, it's really hard to get out, but she managed to roll out, gets on the floor. Hands up. Hey! It's a... It's you. You become an assassin. If you're cleared of all charges, maybe I'll tell you.

Of all charges, I think... You gotta come meet the Skinkertons. We have to what? Meet the Skinkertons. When? Now. Oh, why? We're very tired.

Right on the morning. I mean, we need some rest. Look at the bags out of my eyes. You can't see it through my raccoon mask, but they're there. Yeah, we can't. There's a water bed, and I've got pizza in this tiny oven. How close is it to share a conference, bitchy? He just looks at you blankly.

Let's go, guys. I don't know. This seems just... So much has happened tonight. We're just very tired. Like I said, you'll meet with the Skinkertons. They give you the pass. If the mayor is comfortable that he's safe, that there was no treachery, then there's no reason to fear me and my skills and murder.

Which you learned through reading all of those YAs. Don't give away my secrets. I've been watching you overcame. Is that the secret? I read the same books. I know. I know the truth. You get flashbacks of the screaming guards from Potsville. as their skin burned alive. Or they were burned alive and their skin boiled.

We should probably get going and get this over with. Alright, and I slowly get up. Can I bring my stuff? It's gross. It's a great weapon. All right, well, I'm just gonna bring my banjo. It's the only thing I really have in this whole world. And I'll leave my dagger and I make a big show of taking

Make a deception check. Putting it on the floor. I'm gonna leave that there and, you know, it's no big deal. If you're just gonna leave the dad? I'm pretty sure that still is, yep, yep, a bad minimum of a 10. Feeling pretty good about that. That's gonna be a 21.

A 21? Okay, yeah, no, he says. God damn, that's good. All right. I, you know. I like to go with my accordion wherever I go, so. Oh, you know, we got a jam when this is all over. Yeah, my parents hated me. Well, that was, good.

Come see why. Yeah, dark. I'm sorry to do that. Do you know how many people hate the accordion? Oh, well, I, for one, think it's a lovely... The accordion leads to a path of murder. Jeez. Accordion leads to a path of murder. This hummingbird who's shorter than bits eight.

I looks at you and says, you're ready to go? All right, do I? You see that there's dozens of guards behind. I guess so. I'll grab my... I'll just got my walking stick here. It's been a long night.

Quick question. Quick question on the way while we're headed on down there, you know, before we get down there, all the out is alive and dead. They're alive for now. Oh, ah, that's great news, I guess. All right, let's go.

Lead the way. I'll leave my helmet here. You can interrogate them as well because they're alive. Okay. I'll leave... I'll put my pack over my shoulder and tidy up.

wipe the sleep out of my eyes. Oh, look a dagger. And then I'll, uh, didn't make my way. Make a slate of hand check. I don't think I'm trying to be hiding of it. I just see a dagger that I think is free. Hey. Hey, what are you doing?

There's a slight free dagger just lying here on this. It's like a top-try-meet's-leave-on-a-pill- No, I left that behind. We're not allowed to bring weapons. We're not allowed to bring weapons. That's correct. We're being interrogated. That's right.

To be fit, it's not. Well, then I should put back this dagger and nothing else. I make a sleight of hand check now. Oh, a slight of hand check? Yeah. Feel this. No, I don't want to touch it. 18.

18. You're able to keep whatever you want on your person to be stealthy, and you have deceived the hurricane. I have no idea what's in my inventory. I don't know what's in my inventory right now, except for a shitload of gold. The only thing I'm bringing is my band-jol. I'm not bringing all my extra shit, I'm leaving my pack and everything else. Assuming they wouldn't let us take it.

You are escorted through the halls, and you see that there are some of the, some very drunk dignitaries of mice and cats and various species, as they are, it smells awful in here. As they're stumbling back to the room, the ones that are staying there, some are stumbling away into Wartwallow. The party is winding down, and the guards are trying to be discreet

as not to draw alarm. They waited this late so that there wouldn't be a scandal. There wouldn't be a, people don't seem to be alarmed. They don't seem to have been aware that there was any kind of a potential rebel attack, any potential assassination. And you were led towards an offshoot wing

into this manner as it goes deeper, the hallways get narrower. And then you see as one hallway is absolutely lined with lizards and reptiles of several varieties. And you realize now that many of them are still in their costume gear, having worn very heavy costumes to cover their reptilian features,

very clearly having been in disguise. And you actually recognize some of these. You would thought that that was, you would thought that was a hedgehog. you thought that was a squirrel. And you see as the hurricane steps past this door where it seems to be heavily guarded by these members of the Skinkerton mercenary company.

And the, he stops in one of the, the lizard, doesn't even say a word, they just exchange a glance and the lizard opens the door. And you are ushered in to a relatively small room, and you see injured and beaten several otters. You recognize Scampi. You recognize Orville. You recognize, uh,

you recognize the Kankas. You recognize the crew of the barge, except for the one that had been killed by the Croddad. And there is a, there is a, There is a single lizard in this room who seems to be thin, very well dressed in a very nice suit with a tie, not in costume, a hand crossbow at his hip.

And he has a sly smirk on his face. As he looks at the otters and he looks at you and he says, well, wow, wow, this is like a luau at Richard Dry Fox's house. And that's what we'll end up. Oh, God. It is so stupid. It is so stupid.

I don't even want to do Aventus and chill anymore. Why don't I? Like, that was the only part of this session that you prepped, correct? Thank you so much for listening to The Legends of Aventra's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon. the Pearl Dolphin Tier or higher to unlock Shroud of her Saltmarsh, a patron-exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com forward slash Legends of Aventris. If you want to chat about

the episode with the Aventras community, join us on Discord at Legendsofaventris.com forward slash discord. We also post content nearly every day on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, so make sure you follow our socials at Legendsofaventris.com forward slash social. And make sure you check out the Crooked Moon so you can terrify your friends with the folk horror five-ee supplement published by us. Get your own copy at the crooked moon.com. Thanks again, and we'll see you next time.