Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | Ep. 7 | All The Wood's A Stage

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

The Vagabonds convince Alexander Hamiltoad to side with the rebels and write like he's running out of time...   Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/tyYEpFTfB_4?si=l7K_A_8y9v5xkYsJ

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Mikey Gilder, and you're listening to Uprooted. Here's what happened last time. Nuds with the prize is inside. We should go check on Bitsy, too. I mean, you know, just make sure she's okay. That's what I literally was just saying. Yeah, so we should go right now.

So you want to go and interrupt the good doctor Victor Stein Frankles while he's working on our friend Bitsy and risk losing her. You hear some heavy breathing behind you by the door. Close the door, there's a pervert. So we'd like to go get her friend from the dungeon, I mean infernary. Wall sconces with flickering torches and a creepy stone stairwell. Okay, better did Dr. Frankl's dungeon, I mean infirmary, so right down that way. Arms and legs and tail bound in maricles is basically like the blueberry from Willy Wonka

in the chocolate factory, but Bitsy. She is suffering a horrible peanut allergy. This is the most complicated procedure I have ever performed. Oh, God. Is this underneath my hudge? Where are we? By strange man whose name I don't know. Uh, hello, Mr. Hamilton. Well, hello there.

Alexander, you owes 10,000 gold, flies a greed. Uh, you can, you can go to my muscle. The hurricane over there is the most ruthless assassin. You don't got to explain to us. We'll keep it low. Just give us the gold. You don't know a big deal. What happened out there?

Oh yeah, no, they're retreating. They're retreating? Who, who's they? They're the traitors. The rebels? Yeah. I mean, we told you. What if something brought it happened?

We didn't know that there were two things happening. You saved the entire party and from potentially a horrible massacre. We're not allowed to bring weapons? That's correct. We're being interrogated. Well, wow, wow. This is like a luau at Richard Dry Fox's house. You all...

are standing in a side room that has been turned into a makeshift office or an operating room for the Skinkerton mercenary company. Tied up, bloody and bruised are, what I say, six otters? I don't know, whatever. A couple otters. Between two and six odders. Six otters. Six otters. Skipper Scampi being in the chair where a very well-dressed gecko-looking lizard has just welcomed you in and said this looked like, I don't know, Lou Wow at Richard Dry Fox's house. I forget what it was. Yeah, that was a pretty old point. And he looks at you, as you know that the hurricane had left you, not really sure if it's an ally, a friend. You're just terrified. A twisted sociopath.

You are... You know that the rest of the skinkertens are outside. Watching this hallway and this room very closely. You see as this lizard looks at you. And he says, so what do you have to do with this? Why are you looking at me? Well, you came in first.

Oh, that's really unfortunate. This is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very unfortunate coincidence. Oh. And that's the truth. Why do you think we have anything to do with this? Well, if it was just a coincidence, then there's nothing to ask you. You're free to go. Now, I know how this works.

That's the joke. That's a funny joke. I know. I know that's what you're doing. mental gymnastics than Jane Ponda's house. No, no, no, no, I promise. I promise. We can explain everything. Tell you the whole truth, and you'll see. Booker. This is just... He just said we can go. I don't think we have to.

No, he was waiting for us to say, oh, really? And then say no, and then deliver a snappy one-liner. Oh. Oh, Shane Ponder. Or Richard Treyfax. I don't get this. It's very referential humor. I got, I kind of got my, all of my material 30 years ago. That doesn't really age well. Oh, so these people are all just irrelevant.

Yeah. Well, and anyways, these fine riverfolk company members say that you all are part of their crew. And that is unequivocally false. We know who they are. We met them before, but we had absolutely no knowledge of any kind of an assassination plot. That's true. We just took a boat with them. And they were jerks the whole time. And they charged us way too much money. It was ridiculous. The inflation was out of this world.

I bet they should just give us whatever money's on them for retribution. We've already confiscated that. as a party fee. Protected assassination. Unbelievable. They should have read the fine print. Sounds fair, I guess, but, you know, if you feel generous. Since we're confirming that they indeed tried to assassinate them and that we had nothing to do with it.

They're giving you a motive, you don't. Motive? That's exactly what someone who's guilty would say. I don't. I don't understand. Well, I'm just curious. Why would they try to assassinate Alexander Hamilton?

Why would we do it? I mean, he's Peggy's brother-in-law. We're basically family. Yeah, and you know, to be honest, if they had called us in to help them with it, they are quite stupid because we brought in something that literally everybody ate, and if they wanted to kill them all,

they would have just had us poison it, but that's not what happened, so clearly we're not in leave with them, you know? That is a good point. That is a good point. It's true. It's quite literally everybody ate some of it, so that would have been 100% secure death.

I ate something. Yeah, me too. I'd be dead. Same. Yeah. So what I am. Man, that makes us about as much sense as the fashion sense of the host of Access Hollywood. Yeah.

What's Access Hollywood? I don't even know. I don't understand him. I mean, Holly's a great wood, though, to be fair. That's what I'm saying. The Hollywood is the dim wood. What was the other wood? Oh, yeah, the Hollywood, yeah.

You don't want to come to ask where all these perverts are coming from. Oh, no. Oh, no. Make a persuasion check. It's way up north. Mikey's convinced by that argument. There were so many perverts. There really are a lot of perverts here.

And they just kept pooping. Hollywood is full of perverts. You said persuasion? Yeah. Eleven. Well, let's get this side of the story. What do you think? What do you think? My ottery friend? And he leans forward and you can see that Scampi is gagged. His eye is all swollen. And he takes the gag out of his mouth. And he says, oh, no, no, they're here with us. They're with the Don. The Don is protecting them and us. We've literally never even met the Don.

You used the Don to take all of our money. threatening us with the dog. You know, you'll get what's coming to you. We will coerced. Coerced into what? Shut your mouth. You don't know what you're talking about. I don't think you know what that word means.

I don't know if I should say anything. I'm going to stop talking now. No, I actually think you should talk more. What he's trying to say is, because of the exorbitant fees that we were being charged to get onto the ferry, we agreed to do some work return. But just like anybody looking for work, there, it was going to take 20% of our

crab claw. Well, and that too. That's even all another story. We bring this delicious feast for this party and they try to skim 20% off the top. Just because we killed the creature on their boat. It's river-waked robbery. We hadn't killed that creature. Everyone including them on their boat would have been dead. Exactly right. And then they try and take money from us and threaten us with the dawn if we don't do what they say. And now he's trying to say the don't. He's protecting us. He just wants to use the dawn every time he's in trouble. Looks like a pathetic weasel.

No offense. Oh, you're not a weasel. You're a lizard. Looks like a pathetic weasel to me. Yeah, cold-blooded. What's that not? I'm cold all the time. Oh, I'm so sorry.

It means he can't enjoy spicy food either. Oh, no. Why not? Because only mammals are affected by capsaicin. I don't know what I'm saying. It's not true. So, Peggy, have you never tasted anything that was spicy?

I don't know. Like, flies are kind of spicy. Maybe it's more like a perspective thing. I'm more cold-blooded than the evening at Blue J. Simpson's house. Oh, Jesus. No, no, Mike. He's out of prison.

We're in danger now. We're in danger now. What are you done? You're sick. on the internet. He's walking the streets right now, Mike. Wait a blue jimps and get out of chair. The feather doesn't fit your must have.

Wow. Oh, we're so dead. We're all going to die. Everybody. Oh, my God, my name's Nicole. Oh, oh. Tun, Tund, da. Oh my God.

He's Roman the back streets of Hollywood right now. Yikes. Are we in danger? Should we not be careful? Um, yes, we're telling the truth. You, you see as he narrows his eyes and he looks to, um, Orville, actually. I did say, well, this one was, didn't, didn't mention something about that sort of creature, but they said that you were a professional monster hunters if they hired to kill it and to sell it.

Yeah. Oh, that's ridiculous. Look at us. Yeah, come on, please. That's what I almost died from a peanut earlier. Yeah, you know, if you hadn't even given me time to change, I'd still be in here an assless chaps, and I'm certainly not hunting monsters and absless chaps. Some monsters were hunting you, though. That's true.

Huh. You still got the pinch marks. Yes, my butt cheeks are very swollen. Thanks for asking. I was a frog dressed up like a cat from a time long past. How, it's a train. Or possibly in the future. We don't know. That's a joke worse than

than a cocktail's than Michael Flyer's house. I hate this guy. Can we kill this guy? No, not yet. He's very well connected. He says, well, I would believe that you're not trained killers. But in our network of informants, I was told of the horrors in the woods

outside of Potsville. Only one survivor. Just absolute carnage. Yeah, and if we had been trained, there wouldn't have been any survivors. I can't argue with that. We have nothing to do with that. Oh, I mean, no, we did.

No, no, no, no, that wasn't us. Uh-oh. Outside of Potsville? When I dropped that fireball in all of them, I used my magic, dropped that fireball in all of them, they completely murdered them. They were trying to kill us. I know. I had to escape. They were going to try and kill our friends. Wait, how did you do that? Oh, I created magic.

She created magic. Yeah, so I dropped a fireball on top of all of them. They were completely singed and scorched. And if I were trained in it, more so than I am, and practicing at the moment, I would have killed all of them. They would have stood no chance. I know that it seems like because she created it she should be the wonder in the training but it's really not how it works it's all very technical

that sounds spicier than a luau at Richard simeon's house he was going to take an advantage you're right I hate this guy I'm sure I feel like Mikey's not actually listening to anything we're saying he's just like she spent a week coming up with animal puns from guess. Natural 20, so 21. Nice. I feel confident that when he hits the last one,

he's prepared. He'll just fine. No, I haven't been any of them. He's just on fire. The only one that I stole was Jane Ponda, which is actually, I think there's a video game or an old thing called Jane Ponda with the features of frog. Anyway. Oh, yeah, what the fun is that? We appreciate your honesty. Yeah. I think you literally, there's no information about it. Anyway, he looks at you and his eyes widened. And he says, this is all checking out.

And you have devices that can cause that sort of carnage that might be easily utilized to be sold to political agents or to the highest bidder. No, it's just magic. Yeah, she's the only one that can do it. It's not like it's a thing. It's magic. Nobody else is capable of wielding my magic. Yeah.

She invented it. Are you all looking for employment? No. Not particularly. We were actually pretty shaken after everything that happened this evening, and we were hoping to maybe just relax and, you know, skip several towns. We'll look at its protection from any consequences for actions that we may or may not have done in the past. What was the pay like?

Oh, no. Are the benefits? Oh, no. A lunch stipend, maybe. Like a podium. Three squares. It's great dental. I don't have any teeth.

You don't have teeth? No, I'm a frog. Vision. Death and dismemberment. Happens a lot. I would like you to picture a frog with human teeth right now. Oh, I am. I am.

I wish I would. But I am. Is death and death memberment supposed to be a benefit? You included it in a part of the list. It doesn't seem good to me. No, do you have any loved ones at that? No. Yikes.

What about that possum in that's in your hutch? I wouldn't really call him a loved one. More like a pupil. A pupil. I was teaching him. I was his mentor teaching him the secrets of the universe. Not a prisoner. No.

Just checking. Did you have them chained up by chance? No. Not off time. We should probably stop talking and, um... You know I'm not a cop, right? I'm a mercenary. Yeah, so what are you going to...

I was hired by the mayor. What are you going to do about these guys? These otters, these criminals. That's right. I'm paying them for all the information we've given you. You want a job, three squares, dental, death and its memberment? I don't care for the last perk, but... We'll talk about it. Go ahead. What are you going to do with the orders?

Well, what they say is true, and they are protected by the Don. We'll ransom them. Don doesn't want to pay. We'll kill them. See, here's the thing. If you ransom them, right? And then you get money and you return them. turn them. There's a very good chance that these lying, thieving otters are going to come back and kill us. So, maybe we just make them all go away. Oh, no. Oh, no, that they're going to come after us, or oh, no, that it's absolutely no problem for you to just kill all of them,

and we'll just be on a merry way. What part were you all knowing? That's about as surprising as some capers at McCauley Cockenshouse, like the dog. No, no, I got it. I understood. I was right there with you. I was on that page with you. Holy celebrities are homeowners. This is impressive.

Especially with prices and the dim one these days. She said inflation. Terrible. Traged. So what are we talking here, right? I mean, like, how likely are you to get this money versus make our problem go away? Oh, we care about money first.

It's not what I like to hear. I don't think we should be supporting murder. Well, it's either support their murder or support our own murder. I don't think they're gonna come after us. I mean, we have never to do with this. I look, see? It's just right to make me. See?

Look at all look. You're gonna tell me that he's not gonna come back after us? Oh, yes. I wanna walk up to him and see if Gex will let me. Gax. He lets you do it. He seems very casual. I love game.

I'm scampy. If you live, you like rats, remember the clam? Do you wanna live? Do you wanna live? I would suggest it if you wanna survive this encounter that you should be, you know, very kind and nice and quiet and calm down.

Hey, the darling's gonna take care of us. It's all gonna be fine. Is it gonna take care of you? from the afterlife. Jesus. Oh, my goodness, Hazel. You feel it all right? What?

What did that come from? What did that come from? What did that come from? What did that? It's nice and he lives. You know? I don't think it has anything new without being nice.

It's whether or not the Don is willing to pay their ransoms. Not even the skinkered things are going to go against the Don. So you think he'll pay for you? Of course he is. I'm his best, I'm his best captain. I'm his best skipper.

How sure are you? Oh, holy shit. Psychic damage! Make your response, I get an advantage. Ooh. Oh, I give my character shape. That's not very good at all. You do have advantage.

Oh, I do. Thank you for reminding me what that means. 20. Thank goodness. I think your food might be here. Dinner number two? Dinner two is here. BRB.

He looks and he says, fine, what are you on? The cats this. The cats! There's a bunch of different cat nobles who don't like, that there's a frog trying to mix things up with the Marquis art. They paid off the river company for some skilled elite assassins. We weren't expecting Skinkertons. Those were very compelling costumes, by the way.

Very nice and also very tasteful. But you try to include us? We're nothing to do with it. Tell him. Yeah, you know that we had none. We have no communication about an assassination attempt. Fine. It's all right. It was all lost. It was all under the board. I just had them beat Big Bad Carverny Runners.

That's only 20%! This is bullshit! Well, now you're getting 0% of 10,000 gold pieces. That's right. Peggy's a master negotiator she is. He looks, he looks, says, okay, come on, come on, I'll take 2% and we can forget this all happen. We can wait until the Don gets back. We can all be friends. Oh, no way. We're not going to pay you even 2% to a corpse.

I mean, please, if the ton doesn't pay your ransom, you're toast. That's not our problem. Fine, what do you want? We want, no matter what happens to you, for there to be no retribution. No, yeah, I swear. I don't believe him. What choice do we have? Kill him?

Is that what you're suggesting? Yeah, I think it's probably for the best. Well, I mean, at the very least, let the skinkets do it. I really feel like Pugsley. Well, that's not my head. I know, but I think you need to start leaning more into it. The days of being honorable and loyal have been. Well, it's kind of my whole thing, you know.

Yeah, I think you're gonna need to get new morals. We're mixed up in some big stuff here. I guess that's true. It's hard to be, you know, honorable and moral with, you know, the world's just full of crooked politicians. I think you need to, your loyalties should lie with your friends, your family, and your friends only. Well, I mean, they pretty much do, right, so we need to start thinking about what's going to benefit us the best, you know? Keeping this one alive doesn't benefit us in any way.

I mean, we shouldn't just murder people. There's going to be no murder here as the lizard walks up and he gags the otter and he gives him a little. on the side of the face. If you're looking for protection, you can hire this king from the mercenary company. That's very, we're very affordable. Great prices. You also could join us,

or you can just hope to outrun the Don's attribution, but how is it going to be your vagabonds? We'd have to stay from the river, far from the river. Their network of information. They're a bunch of... They're thugs. They have a storefront. Do you know how they try to assassinate him?

Oh, no. How did they do it? Or try to do it. They said, hey, look out, Mayor. We're going to assassinate you. They took out a harpoon. It took him ten seconds just to get it out of his costume.

Oh, scampy. Please, that didn't happen. Did it really? Oh, I expected better from you. Unbelievable. And it's just a steak knife tied to an oar. How'd they even sneak that in here? Oh, I don't know.

Folks. We've got to tighten up security of this place a little bit, too. I mean, come on. Is Scampi still in his costume? No, no, no, no. They're just in rags. They're in, like, their skivies. They're all wearing, like, boxers with hearts on them.

Yeah, yeah. And they've got tons of holes in them, so as they're sitting there, their ball sacks are hanging out in the chair. Love that. Great. There's no ar arholes. Bixie walks over and gets a rope and starts to not the end. This is no royal style.

How's the Don going to know about us in the first place? I don't understand. I don't really like that you're trying to just sell us protection because that's exactly like what the others did. That's business, honey. Oh, Shasty. I don't care for it. You look like you could use protection.

I feel very protected. That comes with a fee. We charge. But protection. I don't know. We've never... No, I don't want to protect... No, absolutely not.

I've got more people on watch out there than high tide at Hamill anderson's house. Did you say Hamila? Yeah. The really hot pig that used to run up and down the beach. Exactly right. I love Hamila. Me too. That's why I had my sexual awakening with Hamila.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not even a mammal, and I can't deny it. Kindred spirits, I guess. See? Yeah, but you still might want to think about getting some protection. How many exactly? Pardon me, I just bought some food in from the party. Did it? All this negotiated. Didn't we friskey?

How are you? I always just, you know, deep, deep cheek pockets. In, how many compete treats do you have with you? Enough. Yeah, they always think it's enough, don't they, Hazel. Well, I just thought, you know, I don't like dealing with, like, you know, one person when you have a whole group. It just seems rude, like, we should all meet face-to-face if you're interested in, like, doing business. It's polite.

I still can't believe you got all that. You have more Aussie cheese fries than crocodile Bundy. What's he? That's a crocodile. Coin flip. Oh, he's a crocodile. Oh, I was focused on the Bundy. I get that.

So, okay, if we would have do a job for you, what would it be? What are the details and what are we getting returned? I was just saying if you have weapons of war, we could buy those. You'll seem like you're very, very murderous folk. I like that. We love that. But, oh, if you want to go in your merry way, you have been vouched for from my personal friend, the hurricane. Although he scares me a little.

That makes all of us. Guys are freak. The mayor vows for you, but given their testimony, I had to just make sure. I had to put my eyes myself. That's understandable. You understand. Yeah, of course. So we're free to go, then.

You're free to go, if you want death and dismemberment, three squares per diem. Three squares or what? Chocolate? I don't think I can eat that. That's the most surprising thing I've heard today. I was going to say, that's never stopped you before. Depends if it's like milk chocolate or like dark chocolate.

I'm pretty sure one of them would bring. havoc on my nervous system. I'm willing to risk it, mind you. But... I'm pretty sure we've watched you eat 30 squares of both chocolates. Mmm. Mmm.

Okay, all right. The Hazel spends 30 seconds fantasizing about a memory of eating the time she ate 30 squares of chocolate. She's dancing through a town made of chocolate. Yeah. Chocolate fountain. Chocolate people.

I think we should just let, you know, the skinkertins do their thing and just go to bed. I mean, I agree with you. And, you know, surely, Scampi here is not going to tell the Don to come after us at all because we had nothing to do with this. And he knows better. He's crying. And the skinkertons will do what they will with the artists, and it's not our problem.

So Mr. Lizard man, you're going to let us go? I'm not a cop. And you're going to let them go? You have to tell us if we ask. Are you a cop? I think that's a misconception. How you think so? That's what the fuzz wants you to think.

Have you seen the fuzz around here? You are considerably less fuzzy than the regular fuzz. Exactly right. This is what happened. You mean, Officer Fuzz survived. And here we are. You know they're looking for you, right? I have a book now.

Fuzz is on the top of my list. Wait, can you tell us more about that as far as what you know about us being wanted and being booked for? You're a dog on your trail. How close is he rough? You've got a frog in your throat. I know. I'm actually

slightly alerted the crawfish. I couldn't help myself. It really sneaks up on you. Well, if you're feeling really bad, I got a great doctor down stairs. In the dunge, I mean, Oh, really? Yep, yep.

His methods are a little unorthodox, but they, uh... And my eyes are a little watery, but if he's, if he's, you know, harmless, then maybe I'll take a look. Don't open any of the pamphlets. Chout for all the pervets. Yeah, it's will. Whatever you do, don't go into costume room.

No, when we, uh... When my, uh... When my, when my boys in the... I first got here, it was a horror show. You don't they have a dungeon down there? There's a crazy... Wait, that's the infirmary? Yeah, that's where we had to take,

our very, very sick friends. I felt quite infirm when we went down there. Man, ghosts. Yeah, there was ghosts in their blood. The mayor's lucky. I'm not a health inspector. So you're working for the mayor and then capturing on these artists? Do you just give it here?

Well, what's going to happen when you let him go? Aren't they just going to try and kill the mayor again? It's a valid question. I really feel like we've got a straight answer before. None of the several other times we're... You're a little slow. You're slower than a... No, I'm fast. I can run real fast.

How about we just be getting on our way? I don't know about you, but I'm a little tired. I'm sure you're all very tired. You saved the mayor today. We all just go on separate ways. We'll hope you kill the others. Yeah. I think it's really important that we send a message to the Dawn.

Oh, yeah. In what way? You know, I don't know him. But if I were the Dawn, I'd want to know that there was a rat mixed in with my orders. And I'm going to look over at the otter, whatever his name is. Alphrey-Linguine. Linguini. Any Italian food dish will work.

I would want him to know that someone within his ranks can't be trusted. And was trying to sell him out to the skinketons. Just saying. Well, I mean, I really think we shouldn't get involved if we don't have to. You know, like, I mean, we say one thing, and then we're all wrapped up and new and then Don wants to see us to talk about it. We're about to be wrapped up in it anyway, because he gets out of here. If the dawn does pay, which I don't think you will, because he's kind of a worthless sack of something,

then if he does get out of here, he's going to go to the dawn, and he's going to try to twist his words so that we look like we did something to slight the dawn. You know, I don't think that the book of here's wrong. So we have to make sure that the dawn hears that he is untrustworthy first. I'll just want to bring something up. He used to feel.

These otters are worth a ransom. So they're potentially worth money to the skinketins alive. If you and Booker want them dead, we're going to have to pay these skinketins to murder the other people. I don't want to say anything about killing him. I just simply said we send a message to the dawn, letting him know that whatever happens with this guy, he can't be trusted. And I just want to be very clear that I don't want to kill them.

I'm just hoping that Don doesn't pay so the skanketans killed them. There's a very fine line. between all of this. I personally don't care whether they live or die. I just want to make it known. We are not in line with the dawn. We didn't do anything to try and get on the dawn's bad side. And we're not in line with the skinketton.

Sorry. We just want to feed Hazel so she doesn't turn into the monster when she gets hangary. That's true. What kind of message did you have in mind? I don't know. I hadn't thought that for. Oh, you were into something Like, that goes a rat

Yeah, I just figured we'd send him a missus And say, hey, the Dawn, We hope that this reaches you well And that all is good with your family And your friends, how's your daughter's friends? Do you want us to add something to the letter We're going to send? I'm right here. No, because we don't really want to be in line

With the Skinketans, we would like to do this separately from you. Oh, sounds like a lot of letters of the Don. I figure he probably likes to use his letter open, And I know if I had one, I'd want to use it every chance at God. Oh, no, I know. I know he does. He probably has a bejeweled leather opener, which is really cool.

I saw one once at a museum. I think it's a multi-purpose letter opener clam shucker. Wow. How that's stinking? Yeah, but then your letter's going to start smelling well. I guess he'd probably like it if his letter smelled like clam. That's true. They all do.

There's a lot of stains. Clam stains? I know I don't know. Um, can I don't know I don't think we get involved with any of this.

We just go to bed. We're already involved with it, unfortunately. All right, well, maybe, again, it's not better judgment. Maybe we could have Hamilton,

write us a letter of recommendation to the dawn. You think the dawn gives a shit what Hamilton did? Yeah, he just had his

guys try to assistinate him. Well, but because the cats are paying him to do so. Okay. I guess that doesn't really vote well for his leadership and his clearing. Oh, boy. You know, so as you could point, you know, this clearing is ruled by the cats, right?

Let me just check him out. Yeah, you know, here it is. So. Oh, we should, we probably should have let that the alliance just come in and completely like, well, I guess we don't want him to kill Hamilton, but. You know, I've got an, let's go back to you. We're tired. Man, I'm so, being magical is really exhausting.

I believe it. Yeah, let's go. It's great meeting you. I'm not a cop, so you can leave. You're not being detained. Goodbye, I'm not a cop. You know, some more he says that, the list I believe in. That's fine. Don't dwell on a choice.

I'm being detained. What are you having to help, me, coppers? Do you have a warrant? Well, you never read me my Miranda rights. If you wanna- The name's Peggy. Yeah, I don't know why they say that to me every time. You all are crazy.

That's one word for it, I suppose. If you need work, if you want some death and dismemberment. Why? I don't think you're delivering that the way you believe you're delivering that. I can't tell if he's threatening us are offering us something. Well, either way, we know where to find you. You're free to go because I'm not a cop. Goodbye, not a cop.

I make my way for the door and... Now you're still free to go. And I get to the door. I follow a book. And it spits out like, Oh, the skinkert. Shit the fucker! The door closes.

The door closes me want to pour a stiff drink. The door closes behind you. And you see the skinkertins just let you leave. You're able to go back to your rooms if you, uh, if you care to. We do. I'd like to stand outside the door for just like, I'd like to like make like fake footsteps.

Like I'm like, do, do, do, do. Like that, but listen inside the door for like 45 seconds. Deception check. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Hazel, what are you doing?

12. 12. Um, uh, you do, you get a show of it, but I'll make a perception check and then that deception check will affect what you hear. Perception? 18. 18. Uh, you will hear very briefly as you listen. Um, as you hear, um, then our clients will pay you,

way more than you're being paid by the mayor. And then, uh, a thud. Oh, nice. And you make your way back to the room, and you, as you open the door to the room, it's incredibly dark, and then you see a figure standing. In the room?

In the room. I don't know any more poo-y-ha-ha-ha. Get out of you, poop-in. As your eyes adjust, you see Toadie standing there's eyes on. A, aperty. No. Did a mint leave. I lift them on your pillow.

Good night. Mince or something else. Wouldn't you like to do? He works the mint out of his mouth and puts it on the pillow. Oh. It's a suppository mint. Stop asking.

You're back in your room. So what, do you have a plan or something? Yeah, what was your idea? You know, since we left and got up here and then Totey said all that stuff, I forgot it. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Well, we're not. What if we go down and that, they're not barge?

They're not using that barge anymore, right? Oh, no, I had a great idea. Now, remember, you said barge and I thought about Marge, who's one of those Woodland Alliance critters. What if we went? If we went and found them in Benny the Bear, and we helped them overtake this clearing from the cats with the stipulation that they don't hurt Alexander Hamilton. Oh yeah, because on the counter he's so progressive.

Yeah, he could work with them. Well, I mean, we'd have to convince Hamilton to, like, betray the Markey's off. No, we would just have to not tell him it was going to happen. allow them to capture him and then make a deal with him once he was captured for his life. Yeah, when he really has no other options. Yeah. Except they might have to kidnap Flaiza

and use her for ransom. Maybe killer, it depends. I know that you were, you know, maybe imprisoned at a time and worried about your impending doom at the dinner, but that really swole mouse, like wasted no time cutting the throat of fun till the, like that voice. It was instant.

Blood everywhere. That's what I'm saying. That guy was really hard. And to be fair, we don't even know if he's still alive. I mean, the hurricane absolutely decimated him. What I'm saying though is we have a vantage point, right? We know how to get into the house. We know where the pervert room is.

We know where the dungeon, I mean, infirmary is. We know Alexander Hamilton's movements for the most part. utilising perverts in this plan? We are not, but they might. Who knows? Pervants might be worth something at some point in time. So just offering it up as a tool? Well, at least showing them where to avoid the perverts for the most part. Because the pervents could completely blow their plans.

Huh. Tread carefully, Becky. This is it all right. Well, then we need to build cheese of me, for them. The Woodland Alliance in this clearing. They can just come in, take over and then just hold it. Well, that's what I'm saying. They can work with Alexander Hamilton to make it a cohesive thing.

Well, they bring in everybody. Instead of having to kill everyone, they can all just say we willingly become the Woodland Alliance, that few cats. I just, my point is that whether it's now and later, we're going to have to have some kind of level of sympathy from the people of the clearing. Otherwise, I mean, the cats will be.

in here in seconds. And that doesn't account for the skinketins or the hurricane. How many, how many cats are there in the clearing? Is there well held? They bring in armies. Well, why do the cats think they even own this clearing anyway? They've got the military might, I suppose. Just.

Yeah, but do they against a bear? I mean, again, the hurricane alone decimated all of them and made Benji run. But that's only because the hurricane has to. What if the hurricane doesn't like working for the cat? The hurricane and a cat. I'm just saying there's gonna be a lot more cats than one hurricane. Yeah, but if you've got a hurricane and a bear against cats.

And we gotta let him know and convince him. I mean, as you can point, it's the hurricane. He's the key to all of it. We have to convince him one way or the other. He has the loyalty to not to Marquis-Zot, but presumably to Alexander. Right. Compared to the other clearings we've been in, how does the Marquis-Azat, like, stronghold feel here?

This is the affront. You know that across the very large lake in Mukbed is ruled by the Erie. So it is definitely heavily patrolled, but you know that there is a lot of external pressure. A lot of the actual standing army is generally on patrols, fighting the Eerie, and that sort of thing. So I don't know if that answers the question. diverted attention perhaps. What I'm looking at the map here, and I mean, there's only two paths that go, I mean, I guess it's free, but I don't think we'd have to worry about the birds right away. I mean, they really hate the cats.

And I think that if the Woodland Alliance takes over this clearing, you know, this might be defensible. You know, it's not like they're going to be coming down from click-clock crossing and droves on auto barges. And, you know, it's not a bad idea. just gotta get the buy-in. I think we should talk to Alexander and see what he wants for his people. What we should go, you know? I mean, if it's better for the people of War Wallow, then I think that we should see about stirring up a little trouble.

I can't let him know, though. I don't think he'll want us to stir up trouble, but we should try to get out of him what he thinks without telling him what we think. That's wise. Looker. My only concern is if he's, well, if we don't have the hurricanes buy-in, I think he's the linchpin to all of this. I think if the hurricane knew that Alexander Hamilton were unhappy, we could get the hurricanes body. And especially if we could convince the hurricane that Alexander will be safe.

Yeah. I mean, I think what we have to say is that, oh, Alexander Hamilton is the mayor of a cat-controlled clearing, and the cats just paid the orders to assassinate. him because they don't like his ideas. Oh my gosh, you're so right. Why didn't I even think about it? Unbelievable. You should really just consider the fact

that you're not long for this clearing, so either you run or you... Make an alliance with the alliance. Exactly like that. What's the one say I can say, no? And then we can leave and do our own thing. You're smart. Where have you been all my life?

I mean, we've been, you know, hanging out for a while. Did you hear my stomach rumble right there? I wonder what that means biologically. I think Hadesel still has a... I have a weird... I have a weird, rumbly and my tumbling looking at you right now. I hate too many of them. I feel like getting naked and not to go invisible.

Oh. Well, speaking to that, I think you should... You have a unique way to convince Hamletoe, because you said he always wants to, you know, have carnal relations with you, you know? No, I said he likes to write all the time. No, you said he also wants to dinner. to, you know.

It's like it comes on to you. There was definitely something about some sort of strange. Oh, yeah, but he always calls me Mariah when he does it. Or Maria. Well, I don't know what that's all about it. Maybe just use that to your advantage. Yeah, maybe just like pretend, like play into it. Like, oh, yeah.

Oh, like a little roleplay. I should really say no to this. Yeah. But are you gonna? You should really say no to this. But are you gonna? No. That's a girl.

I just said no. Oh, I thought you said you were saying no to saying no. Oh, I don't know anymore. I'm confused. You should probably meet you from your eyes. Someone tell me how to say no to this. No, no. Oh, all right. No. Grimley. What, no, we don't want to, we want to do this, right?

Yeah, so tell and not say, I can't say no. Interested I choose yes. No, say not say not. saying no to this, meaning I'm not going to tell her to say no to this, it's double negative, which means she'll say yes to convincing Alexander Hamilton. I don't think that's what I asked you. You went from being really smart and making me feel things I wasn't aware I was going to start feeling, to being really dumb, and now those feelings are gone, and I just want those fries.

Flies. Oh, my flies. Yeah, I'm really, I'm looking at those Australian Aussie cheese flies. I love people. From Mount Beck's Snake House. Yeah. Pretty good. You're welcome to.

I'm just, I'm emotionally, I'm just emotionally confused. Um, look, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just saying, if that's a plan, then that could be a plan. Otherwise, we need to get to fuck it out of here, it's my fault. Second it. We don't have to be on the run. I mean, it's not different than what we do every day anyway. Oh no.

We wander. It's just like this. a lot of people to be wrong. Normally it's only like one people. We go wherever the music takes us. Oh, do you want to start a band? Why not? Oh, we could do that. We could be wandering minstrels. And that could be like our aliens. So when we don't want to run, we're a band. It's actually not a bad idea. And we can just have like an extra set of clothes and then, uh, you know, I don't know. Hey, we never got paid for a crab claw, did we? Yes, we did. Yes. We did. And I still got the

extra 20% that we don't have to give the odds anymore. Yeah. Oh, good. Sorry. It's just on my mental to-do list and I forgot to check it off. I'm glad that was done. I've got more than 4,000 gold pieces. That's quite a lot of gold for you, Bittie. It's very heavy.

Can I help carry anything for you? No, I haven't been. Okay. Are you falling asleep sitting up? No, I'm watching this pain and the eyes are moving. Oh. Oh, dang it. Oh, my God, there's a bird.

It's perfect. It's perfect. It's perfect. You can't. Take off gloves. Oh, it's Frankie's turn out. Get out of you. Sophie.

Get out of you, Furn. I'm going to miss the toilet. Show toes. And then he suddenly used. And then he suddenly used. Suddenly, you see a painting. Maybe this is cleaning is moving. And there's a painting of a very perverted-looking person.

And then they're just absolutely just two empty eye sockets. Yikes. And you realize that says frankenswine. I love frank and swine. So good. Yeah, it's the green eggs and ham. That's the green ham portion of it. Oh, my God.

It's green chickens and green pigs. All right, let's go. Now, we'll find Hamilton, we'll talk to him, and we'll go from there. Cody. He's probably by that son. Oh, God, do we have to call Toby? I can hear his heavy brief on me. I thought we were going to go to bed.

Isn't it like three in the morning? We don't need sleep. Shouldn't we talk to him to them? Oh, pretty full from all the cheese flies. Yeah, and we might not need sleep, but I'm sure Alexander Hamilton needs sleep. Yeah, he. Unless you want me to try and go into his room in a red dress and seduce him into doing what we want, but I shouldn't. I feel like now's the time to do that while he's got his goddamn.

Yeah, actually. And, you know, yeah. And if he's like half of sleep, it'll probably be twice as easy. All right, well, I really shouldn't. I'm going to sleep with one eye open. Ooh. Because, I mean, you can see the... You sleep with both of your eyes open most of the time.

Yeah, but I mean, at least one eye open. You should probably snore a little less tonight. I can't promise that. I snore just sort of like normally baseline. But you dream about it, night. I've been sure. You're constantly kicking your legs while you're dreaming. Yipping.

You're always yipping. I do a bit of yam. What am I supposed to do? I'm dreaming. What are you dreaming about? Oh, you know, just nice things. I say, it always seems like I'm going to hurry. You're like some bad's happening.

A nice shiny ball. Oh, so it's like a happy gift. A lovely meadow. A wedge of cake from the fair. That might make me yip too. Maybe a nice, you know, an idyllic countryside from beautiful willows and a nice picnic under those willows. Maybe a sandwich or two, a nice crusty bread with some honey and jam. A pond to go swimming.

I don't think they run like that. You're doing. Yeah, you're asleep. I sort of run like this. No, when you're asleep, you can't do. Yeah, you're like this. Yeah. I don't know.

I'm asleep. Sometimes you go like this, but a lot of times you do go like that. Yeah, it's like you're swimming. And you roll over onto your back. And then you ask me to rub your belly, or I just do it anyway. It's just so, you know, it's more of like an implied, like... Yeah. Rub my belly.

Yeah, so I do. I'm wish she rub my belly. Oh, my God. You're perfect. When I come from, the painting has eyes again. The mouth of like... Blah, la. You realize that the mouth is suspiciously low.

Yeah. Ah! Ah! Ah! The pain hang. We got to shoot at this pain. Someone's screaming so their jaws. I look at the room and find a broom, and I'm like,

Ah! Take that you, my butt! Get out of here! Get out of here! You hear the shuffle with me at least three pairs of hair. three pairs of feet. All right, I know. I'm not trying to get anymore.

I'm going to, like, rip up some of the floorboards and find the leftover rusty can of nails and just start, like, kneeling up. I don't know how long she's going to hold. But I should also mention that I don't even remove both the long and eight inches from the door. There's somebody underneath them floorboards. How?

Oh, wow. It's a scatters in one of the floorboards that you use. There's a very conspicuously drill the whole armor. Dear God, it's like a entire horde of mice. It's been taken. I thought to get out of here. I don't think I can sleep here. Just whatever you do, don't sleep on the floor.

Oh, good. No, you all get some sleep and I'll keep watch. Are you sure? Yes. He's going to fall asleep before the rest of us get in bed. I'm gonna sleep. I will not sleep. I mean, I'm gonna-

That's exactly the opposite. That was- Especially not sleep. Floyd ain't sleep. I'm gonna sit down and keep guard. I'm keeping me arm-or-on. I wouldn't suggest sitting down on the floor. I go find, like, a corner of the room,

and I like put my back in the corner, and I hold my pack and my banjo like real close, and I like put my head just my back, and I look around the room like this. Thank you. A nightmare. Ah, sweet. Heavens above. This is a nightmare.

How did this happen? Just two feet from your feet, there's a mouse hole. Oh, I got back. Back! Back! Damn it! I'll miss the dark, terrifying woods. It's all shag company. Oh, yeah. Jesus. I'm going to check under one of, just look under one of the beds.

and make sure it's clear and then climb up on top of it and wrap something around my like face so that if I'm, I just don't want to anything. You feel two arms come out of the mattress. No. No. This is not an experiment. It's a water man.

It is a water man. There's somebody in there. Oh, God. It's a boring perfect. It's a new nightman, Phoebeus. Shit. This is a nightmare. Come, you just wake me up.

Just wake me up, okay? I'll keep a real good. Good night, everybody. You know what we can do to prevent the perverts? I don't know, shit ourselves or something. Oh, no, I think they'd like that. And I'm going to open my box of cicadas. They're just going to scream while they're going to.

I'll set alarm with my magic. the cicadas spill. Ah! Oh, it's so pleasant, common. And then... And you hear, oh, I can't believe you're really in the fun, fuck. And then you hear shuffling. And finally, there was quiet,

except for the cicadas. Ah! I love that. That's the canonical laws of the craters. Jesus. Cicataman. Good night, Hazel. I'm no imagining.

All the cicadas have human faces. Good night, Peggy. Good night. Good night. Grumley. See, that Grumley sat on the waterbed, but he still has the rusty nails. And you see him... Dang it!

It's soaking into the shag. Yeah, it's soaking in the shag. It's getting completely sucked. That's the worst. Thank you. Good night, Hank. Good night, Fancy. I got to sleep.

Wow, that was... I can't believe you weren't setting up for a joke. You're like, good night, Frank. It's time. Good night, good night, good night. Dude, you just sit that up. I just wanted to get to hang. That's all I heard about.

Shit. I'm off my game. Good night, Perper. Canonically that out. I sleep sitting down. Oh, man. You do not keep watch, to be clear. Okay, okay.

So we go to sleep. I keep my possessions very close, and my butt cheeks closer. Are you still in your chaps? No. I switched out before the interrogation. Fortunately or unfortunately. I feel like it was a better mental image that you would have been in your weather day.

Yeah. Oh, boy. I'm still in whatever cottage core I changed into after I got us of a train costume for sure. You awake to the beautiful sound of morning and, as the cicadas continue to scream into the morning. Oh, good morning cicadas back into your box. Do we get it a long rest? You enjoy a long rest?

Thank God. Goodness. I finally have inspiration again. Oh, yeah. you're not to the level where uh you get that on short rest I get it on short rest and we just hadn't rested it all bacon bits it's been days it's been a long hard road since the barred yeah you're right you killed it's been yeah you haven't rested at all we haven't like stopped since yeah fucking killed well since the uh the crowd count uh

unfortunately passed away not having nothing else yeah what a tragedy they're totally not world. You see that D&D Beyond has the new font for the character names? No? No. Yeah. I don't like it. I didn't even notice. You have to pay premium for a nicer font. Well, no, just now that Wizard of the Coast owns it. They're using the... Oh. Interesting. Interesting. Learned something new today. I'm long resting. There we go. I did as well. I'll wake up and I'll do my morning routine. I'll consider the mysteries of the universe and try to detect whether or not we've just been created or whether all of our memories have actually happened.

I'll reach into my purse and I'll reach into my purse and I'll find 4,000 plus gold pieces, but they're basically in a soup of the sap and various other materials that I've collected over the years and I'll work some of the resin up, preparing for the day. I'll brush my teeth, these sorts of things. Great. The shag carpeting is absolutely soaked with the strange-smelling water and the water bed, or whatever is in there.

It's like river water. Like pond water. Yeah, it's definitely pond water. It's pond scum. Morning, everybody. Yeah, I guess. Oh, no trouble last night. No pervutes on my watch.

I look up and see all of these eyes floating back and forth between different areas in the wall. Good morning. All right, let's go find Mr. Hamilton. Yeah, please, so we can get out of him as quickly as possible. Ew. Oh, think. I don't know. That's not a sausage at all.

Anybody order a pizza? Don't even think about it, pal. We go find Hamilton. You do. And you leave the... You leave your rooms behind. And as soon as you open the door, you see a figure standing there looking at

at you. Good morning. Jesus, that never gets easier. Where's Hamilton? We need to talk to him on again. We need to talk to him. From slumber. We need to talk to Hamilton.

We need to talk to Hamilton. I come with an important announcement. Oh, geez, here we go. All right, lay it on us. Mayor Hamilton would like to speak with you. Oh, good. We wanted to speak to Mayor Hamilton. It's quite upentatious, I suppose.

Now, can it be now, please? Oh, you can join him for breakfast. Oh, I'm really not very hungry. This is a nightmare. Don't decline. You don't be rude. No, we're not declining. We're going.

I'm just not going to eat anything. No sausages. No sausages. That's true. No, we haven't served sausages here in mini-mug. This is brought to you by our Legends of VIII. of Aventress Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash legends of Aventris

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You see that there is a spread of bagels and various spreads. There's many sweet breads. There's some tuna melts on everything bagels. Not a sausage to be seen. Oh. And you see that just sitting, he has a stack of papers. And you see with a large quill, Alexander Hamilton is writing. His spectacles are on as he's scribbling something.

Flaiza is nowhere to be seen. She's dead. Wow, he's writing like he's running out of time. I sure is. A strange turn of phrase. What do you mean by that? Well, look at him. My was almost assassinated.

Are you doing okay, Mr. Meyer? I guess that's fair. I'm fine. I really hope. Thank goodness that they had a, their murder weapon was a, was it a knife attached to an or? It seems quite unwieldy.

Was it a steak knife? It was. Was it a distinct knife from Outback Snakehouse? Those are the biggest. Why are they so big? To be fair, those aren't very pointy. They're kind of like, rounded to the end, which is we had it then serrated.

I never really understood this. That makes it even worse. It would be so painful. Yeah, but it's like so many people have used them by the time they get to you, they're really pretty useless. You know, when they come to you and it's been bent, and they just didn't bother to throw it out. I hate that.

Yeah. I get a full go. With one time, it's just a little out of it. Or when they bring you a butter knife instead of a steak knife, and you're like, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Well, you're supposed to use it with the delicious pump a nickel? Definitely pump a knife. nickel blend that serves.

I'm talking about when they bring it to you on your steak plate. Oh, that's crazy. I've never had that happen. You know it's not actually pumpernickel. That's a lie, it's common misconception, but it is indeed. It's authentic pump a nickel. What kind of bread, is it then? It's known as honeywit.

I think I would know. Why? I don't know. Does it have honey in it? I think so, yeah. Oh, that would expand. It's wheat and honey. I mean, you need some kind of, you know, little something, something.

Yeah, yeast. No, I think it was from Chris's Ruth Steakhouse. I hate that place. I know, they tried to assassinate me by proxy. Alexander Hamilton, can I call you Hamel? That's like neither of my names. Okay, well, Alexander Hamilton, why are there so many perverts in your mansion? That's true.

There's so many. What operation you got going on here? What do you mean? Like, just my guests? Are they your employee? Are they frenzios? They're in the walls. They look through the eye holes, and they stick things through the holes. It's like peaked at us while we were sleeping and changing our clothes. They were under the floorboards, they took the door off. They looked at us while we were changing. They tell us they've got sausage for us, but it's not really sausage.

I took a bite of one, and it wasn't sausage at all. What was it? It was a penis. No. Well, I mean, eventually, but somebody... This is so fucking dumb. There's no one throwing a sentence. It was a penis.

I hate this. Christ. A lot of the visiting dignitaries are from Hollywood, I guess. Oh, okay. They kind of run amok when they come for the balls. You got to figure out how they're getting in the walls. It's crazy. I inherited this mansion from Mayor Boghop.

That's fair. Tony said he was very certain that he sealed everything up. I think Tony's just as bad as a rest of him. Yeah, that guy's a sick fuck. You're not in danger. Oh, I know. Thank goodness that he said, hey, look out. We're going to assassinate you.

And I could go, huh? You know who sent those otters? Well, we're trying to figure that out now. The skinkertons who saved my life, thank goodness. They're trying to get to the bottom of which, of which family or which noble is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is one noble. They all want you dead. It's the Marquis 8. It's all of them.

That's true. You're not safe here. It's the whole political party. I spent my whole life working in this political party to achieve some. kind of station and I find it's finally arrived and now they're trying to kill me with with steak knives from Chris's Ruth Steakhouse those bestits um what a stupid name it takes a lot of time to say and I really still don't know who steakhouse is Chris's Ruth stay home yeah I can't believe they build it right next to scratchy Dick's Crab Shack

much better name Donald Claude, now that you've reached that station, you can turn the tides. You've got the power now and you just have to take it with you and away from those horrible, horrible... How am I supposed to do that without getting hanged for treason? Well... Two rights. Woodland Alliance. That's exactly right. My goodness, no one can hear you. All the windows are open.

There's a gardener outside. He's just, yeah. You see as the gardener, who is a rabbit, is using like a very long bill bird, and he's cutting. Then the bird looks at you and says, it's a living. And given that everyone is a humanoid

that creates some very bizarre implications. And he shut up. And he shuts the road. Oh, ah, and the windows are all entirely shot. And he goes out and says, oh, I feel very safe with my new friends here. And the hurricane has eyes everywhere.

He is here and you do not expect it. We are safe. And the guards around the breakfast nook all in there, Marquis-aub Tavons all. Oh. Leave. I didn't see you there. Pologize.

What makes you think that they're not going to try again? Oh, I feel if they've failed once, then that's, you know, oh, well, can't do it again. Kermie, can I call you Kermie? I'm trying to think how that's close to my name. It isn't. Yeah, Mariah, Maria's not close to my name either. Don't talk about the role play.

All right, Kermie, I feel like you really need to listen to the boys. Well, maybe that's why all the perverts are here. You got to listen to the boys. We're trying to protect you, and flies up. What do you suggest I do? Have you seen what the Woodland Alliance has done? You heard what they did in Clock Crossing. They butchered the Viceroy.

Just like the Viceroy tried to do to you. The Viceroy tried to do. do what to me? Well, I mean, not exactly the vice, right? I'm building like a, you know, I'm building up a case here. I'm making like a really cool analogy, right? I mean, the vice way is basically the Marquis. They tried to butcher you. And us. And we're your friends, right? Well, someone in the Marquis art. I don't know if it was the Marquis herself. Hopefully not. Oh, no. I think the point is, is that your ideas are a little too progressive and forward thinking for, you know, such an established, you know, conquering government such as the

Marquisar. And, I mean, let me tell you, you know, I'm from old Felicia. I don't know if you know that. I mean, you could probably guess by looking at me. But, I mean, you wouldn't last two seconds. You would say one of those crazy ideas from your mouth and right to the gallows. Sometimes they might not even wait. They might just, you know, give a old, you know, figure of blade and flash at a knife.

With a steakhouse. Don't know otherwise. Yeah, that's their weapon of choice. Mm-hmm. Well, I do hear the frog legs are good with butter. I mean, it's a delicacy, depending on where you go. Look, we're not going to force you to do anything. Where are you going where they eating frogs' legs?

Yeah, it seems kind of fucked up. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen. Oh, Grimley. Old Felicia's nothing like this place. Have you ever looked at your own legs? He goes into a war flashback. I'm the joke here. What is it like?

Let's just say that those in charge, you're really in charge. You know what's that aren't? Yeah, supper. Oh. My goodness. goodness. Gulp. Gorge.

We have, you know, lots of lovely cowfolk, you know, do a lot of good labor, you know. And once there, you know, they get an injury their time has come. Cats like beef. Oh, my gosh. And fish. And fish, chicken. And chickens. They're just completely destructive to the ecosystem.

Wanted killers. And sometimes bread. All I'm saying is that you don't know who you're dealing with. I know that you have ambition, but I'm just saying is that as long as you want to keep spouting those ideas, your ambition's not not going to last long. Well, sounds like an old Felicia, all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

That's exactly what I'm trying to establish. If you know, you know. And now you know. Sounds to us like you've exceeded your, you know, you've crossed that threshold of usefulness, but also like low levelness. Now you're just inching up there towards in their way. What do you suggest that I do? I join the Woodland Alliance. I leave, I flee a traitor, a coward?

No. No, right? No. No, you continue to lead this clearing, but instead of for the Marquis 8, for the Woodland Alliance. Don't give up your station. They'll be your political allies. Yeah, you help them retake this clearing and protect the people of Warholme, against the frog-leg-eating Marquis 8.

Everybody wins. You could be a revolutionary figure. I mean, they would paint you on propaganda posters holding a big flag. A war for Warlowe's independence. That's right. They'd make musicals about you and everything. No, I didn't really care for musicals. But they'd make her.

Think about it. Hamletoad, the musical. Sounds really overpriced. Oh, my gosh, there could be a street on Bogway. Oh, on Boggway? Yeah, we could create it here in Whartwallow. Right next to Scratchy Dicks. Maybe a few streets down.

Oh. I think of the tourism. Exactly right. Well, Phantom of the hoppera could run for like 25, 30, 40 years. It could be a season of the arts and a real season of change here. And for the perverts, Dickin. I couldn't come up with an animal pun.

I'm sorry. Sorry. Well, the stranglehold on this town that the Marquisot has is very tight. I mean, look, look, there's the constant threat of an eerie invasion from Muttbed Creek is always loomed over us, and so we get a lot of reinforcement from New Felicia. And what if we told you that you have one of the best weapons the world has ever known? The only thing the hurricane lacks is ground power. Because we know when those wings are flapping,

something about being in the air. Anyway, they have a bear. I don't know how else to say it. They've got a bear. A war bear. Fighting for the Woodland Alliance. If you could have a bear on the ground and the hurricane in the air, you're unstoppable.

What are the year going to do against you? What is the Marquis Ait going to do against you? Time's overchanging, Hamilton. Times overchanging. And I think you need to sit down at your desk. And I think you need to really write after running out of time. And you need to send a letter

to the Woodland Alliance, which we would deliver for you, that how you would like to work with them to take this clearing back from the Marquis A. And the meantime, you can start swaying the people here and moving their hearts in the direction of the Woodland Alliance. win the clearing with your words. Everyone who's been oppressed. They're all potential supporters for you.

Let them know that revolution has come to walk along. You can start writing pamphlets or papers. You know, and just start printing them and handing them out everywhere. I'd have to do it anonymously. Yeah, I mean, use a pen name. And then once you really build up some sympathy, you can be like I was me the whole time. You could call yourself Reynolds.

Reynolds' pamphlets. Reynolds? Yeah. The tax collector from... From Clicklaught Crossing? I know him. Maybe that's not, you know, I don't... Maybe a different name.

I don't know how... He was in the party. I don't know how people would feel about reading pamphlets. I think he's the number one... By the tax collector, so maybe we'll choose something else. It's always the tax collector. So what do you think? We can workshop the name later.

Oh, maybe if I say Hamel Croke, no one will know it's me. Oh. It's a little on the nose. Yeah. Unrightly. I mean, how about something totally different? Like something off the wall like Steve. Or like Bill, you know, Bill.

The Steve Habers. Oh yeah, that really has a ring to it. It'll go down in history. Oh, this could be of historical import. Maybe Steve's not good enough. The Steve Papers! The greatest political documents of the Dimwood by Steve! You know, you could just not sign it with a personal name and just call them Revolutionary Post. It's a little on the nose, don't you think? It's better than fucking Steve!

Great. How about Reve-Reynolds Lucianary? No, we don't want to go with a tax collector. Reynolds a good friend of mine. It'll be a good nod. I don't think you want to associate yourself with a tax collector. And a pervert. A known pervert. Oh, my God.

Is Reynolds the one in the Frankenstein costume? Oh, good. That would make perfect sense. I knew that growing. I think that's out of familiar. I think Reynolds might be in your dungeon, I mean infirmary, because Bitsy bit the tip of his penis off for breakfast. I guess this town really does need some cleaning up.

I mean, they may be a pretty big voting block, so like, maybe you loosen up on some of the sex laws or whatever, you know? Actually, that's a great point. I don't know how then this hasn't broken out in political scandal, unless literally 90% of them are pervents. That's right, and repression breeds aggression. But if you don't want them around, you just hire some like pest control, and they'll tent up this mansion and install some foggers and blow poisoning through the walls, and you'll just have a bunch of dead perverts in the wall. But the smell will go away eventually. Pimsy. That is disgusting.

I don't know. I'm kind of in favor of that plan. Just wait until after we're gone, and then just get rid of all of them. Can you imagine just two dead eyes, pressed up against the back of a painting? And it, like, went to the, like, the drinking and the flying and like. I don't remember that episode of Scooby-Doo.

Can we get that quoted? have a bunch of dead perverts in the walls. But the smell will go away eventually. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's funny. Bitsy. Bitsy, 2022. I guess it's bitter than poisoning their food sauce,

waiting for them to take it back to the pervert nest. Did we embrace the pervert? But we didn't let it go. Well, the problem, though, is if we kill all the perverts in the house, anyone who steps in here is going to have a lot of sexual pervert ghost in their blood. Oh gosh. Don't kill the perverts.

Just let them roam free. Free range, permits. Why, sound as they vote for me. They will. You're giving them free room and bored. So if we're going to commit treason, we'll have to spread sympathy.

Well, hold on, hold on. Is it really treason, though? Yes, by definition, yes, we will all hang if we're gone. Not, no, well, it's treason if this clearing belongs to the Marquis 8. Also, I want to be very clear. We're not committing treason. You're committing treason. Because you're so brave.

Right. But I'm going to go back to what I said. It's only treason if the Marquisate, if this clearing belongs to the Marquis Zat. Which it does. But it won't. Only because they said. But I would say to you, Alexander Hamilton, does this, does not this clearing belong to the people that live here? Does not this clearing belong to those who've built it up from scratch, whose lives and history and family have made Wartwallow what it is?

Does not this clearing belong to them? Those whose sweat and muscle have built this place from the ground up. I say you this, Alexander Hamilton. This clearing does not belong to the Maki site. No, this clearing belongs to us. This clearing belongs to Whar, Wallow. You gotta clap for me. Thank you.

Put down that dangerous. You're going, why is everyone clapping? Is it coming from the walls? Oh, it's not clapping. Uh-oh. Well. Just make it kick. You see as a single tear rolls, like, out of his, you know, his toad eyes.

That's beautiful, thank you. And he says, you're right. Ward Wallow has stood for so long, long before the Marquisat, long before the eerie, we, we frogs and toads and other denizens of all, all types of creatures have been here. And it should not be under the thumb and the paw of, could you please wait to eat them until I finish what I had to say? Thank you. Now I feel bad. No, no, go ahead. You're out. You look hungry. I don't know. I feel like I've lost my momentum. You were saying that something...

All right, all right. The moment's lost. I'm sorry. If I am going to commit treason, we need to garner sympathy with the people, and art is the way to do that. You all are great artists. That's what Fliza says, that Peggy and her friends are the creative types. Why'd you put it in close?

I'm being polite. Wow, that really hurt. That stung a little. I don't really get his meaning. You know, this is my impression of Earth-Lyza. You know, honey, they don't have real jobs. They're the creative type. Yeah, that's exactly how that happened.

I've never been creative before. Wow. It's so nice you would say that to us. Well, what can we do creative leader? Help spread the message. We could get started on the construction. of Barclay. And put on a play?

Oh, we could, yeah. That's a great idea. Would you be willing to write the script? If you give me ideas, I'll start writing. I'll start writing right away. I'm a great novelist. I have a great story that I'm working on. No, no, it's for, it's for kind of, it's for polywogs.

It's not quite for, it's called Y.A. I'm actually workshopping with the hurricane that's about a long-lost princess who doesn't know she's a princess I love one and doesn't need any training and she has two different color of eyes and she's going to stay involved

I mean he's really beautiful but people don't really notice until she puts on a dress for the first time oh yeah and that suddenly makes her attractive how much like you have you written oh I'm workshopping it anyway I'll take a break well it's not ready yet

I'll start writing right away and I'll get all my ideas and you can help and then start Bogway. Okay, well, let's think what kind of show would we like to put on? Well, it should be about the downtrodden peoples. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like the miserable people. The mouse rubles.

That's exactly right. The mouse rubles. The mouse rubles. Yeah. Let's make it French. Oh, let's make it French. The mouse rubles. I think it's a great idea to make it.

French because that really like, it feels romantic almost in a way. La Mouserable. Oh, and they can start it. B. B. B. Bha, Bha, Bha, Bha. And it can star Lipsie. Bambi, Bha. Bha. Gawley, are you a secretly composer?

I mean, just speak bowling. I can get hired a lot of different ways. Maybe you can be more like, you have a gift for this, my pug friend. He's really good when, when the song's start playing or when Buckel starts playing. playing his banjo. He howls along. It's the cutest thing. It's really great. You're going to have to figure out who all of us are going to play in it, though. Well, you're writing the play. You have to cast the talent. You're going to be the showrunners. You don't want us to perform in it?

I want you to perform. I want you to perform it. I want you to run it and to perform. I'll start writing. That's not going to be fair, though, because I'm going to try to cast myself as the lead. Then do it. Well, then I am the lead. The female lead. I don't know. He hasn't written a script yet. I need to work on nonfiction and political.

All would work on my ideas. You work on a play that then fits all of those ideas into a story. You're going to write it, though. Yeah. You just said that already. Yeah. I'll take a break from my Y.A. Novel.

So you just need to give us a cast. Okay. Can you just whip one up right now? Yeah, here you go. Okay, so we have. We hand it. No, don't wait and give me that. What are you gonna do?

Oh God, you smudged everything. I think I can kind of read it. Sorry, I was eating strawberry cream cheese. It's all red and pink now. I love strawberry cream cheese. It's delicious, look. Oh, I was afraid you're gonna joke. Oh, Matt.

This is my other one. Get your room. It's like a stack. I think you make out any of this. Oh. I think it's upside down. Oh. Really?

The lead is a mayor? Well, I think a mayor who is like really stand up and always does the right thing and is the heart of gold and sacrifices everything for the town, I think it's pretty inspiring. I mean, does he even have any character flaws? I thought you said a mayor like a maid.

Oh, we should make it a mayor. Oh, he has a tragic backstory. He went to jail for being a good guy. Oh, wow. Stealing a loaf of bread. Unbelievable. That's so sad. I love him.

I bet he's real strong, too. I would follow him to the end of the earth. He's like, you know, that one was? Yes or what? He's really strong. He's so strong. He's like supernaturally strong. This doesn't sound very believable.

And I bet he's got a great singing voice, too, unless he's played by someone. No, that huge, that huge. Jackman that we could probably play him would have a great thing. I don't think we could get him. So he picks up an entire wagon on his own. And you want him to be a tenor that can sing these

low notes too. And falsetto in this closing number. And he's not afraid to cry. And his name's Bobsy. That's not what I see here. Okay, so who's going to play this? Is one of us going to do it? Or are we going to have to try and call in a favor from

that huge yakman? Well, I thought you was going to going to be lead. Yeah, but the lead's not no, I want to be the female lead. Well, it says here he's got a daughter. What's her name? Croquette.

Well, that sounds perfect. That's fucking perfect. That literally sounds perfect. What the fuck? That makes perfect sense. I'm a good word. No one. Her character treats really likes love.

You know. I don't really see, I don't really see anything else in here, but. I don't know if that's really my thing. I think maybe we should give that to Hazel. That's kind of what I think. Oh, he's. No, every time, hold on, Hazel, I really move.

Every stagehand kind of person. Hazel, every time the script says that something about love, just think of food. And every time you say your lines right will feed you something. Oh wow, that's pretty good deal. And when you finish the entire, entire play will make you an entire wedding cake all to yourself. Is it all you sing everything? Yep.

Five tiered wedding cake. Holy moly. And there'll be one of those weird statues on the top where the groom's getting dragged by the bride for some reason? What's up with that? Yeah, but instead of a groom, it'll be a bumbleberry pie. Oh my gosh. Like a real one, not like just a like a little mini bumbleberry pie so you can throw the bride away but then eat the bumbleberry pie. Oh, weird hands, uh, good scraping as he's.

screaming for yeah because he's going off to his death to be devoured by a chipmunk we know you'll be thirsty so there'll be a chocolate milk fountain that you can drink from while you're eating your cake oh good milk chocolate so that it doesn't mess with your stomach I appreciate that I drink it anyway but I guess I could try you don't think it should be bitty though they'll serve French flies and cook everything in peanut oil not peanut oil no oh yeah No, peanut oil, that's great. That's terrible for her.

Yeah, five guys, burgers and flies. They use peanut oil all the time, so don't go there. I didn't know that. I'll be careful. Okay, so anyway, we're going to put Croquette on the back burner. Okay, so he's all beat Croquet. I just feel like that character might not have enough depth for me. What is this? You were looking for this one.

I can't wait for this. Let's all wait. gross, disgusting, ugly, and people? Yes. Yeah? Does that sound more of your alley? I'm intrigued.

Color me interested. And you could have a whole lack song. About what? About being greedy and awful and horrible. And a pervert. Yeah, it could go. Pervert's in the house. I'll take it.

This is genius. We're going to have an uprolet. Lidty, you're going to have to write lyrics for movies. Please write that down and deliver that to Alexander Hamilton. Right, what, down? I blacked out. I swear to a fucking God dare to be learned the fucking lyrics down right now. Pervers from the house. And it's like a 12-minute song, so you're going to get a lot of lyrics.

And the chorus comes in, and all the extras are singing. You have funny a pervents when you're going on stage. You're looking through the hole. All right, so who's next? All right. So we've cast me so far. What is? A young idealist student

who really believes in the cause and he's really going to risk life in them and potentially his newfound love of Pro Cat for the Woodland Line. All right, that just sounds like you're talking about yourself here. That's true. It does. That's true.

Well, I mean, there's this villainous character that sounds kind of cool like this. Who's the villain? Like this? He's an inspector. Oh, I mean, that kind of sounds like something you'd want to do, too. There's nothing saying we can't play two characters if we need to. I mean, who's Booker going to play? I don't know.

Is that all the characters the whole play? I thought Booker was going to play the main character. Oh, my God. That's it. I mean, I can just... He's got a band. I can just be the whole band. guess. Oh, I forgot that we, that you need a whole orchestra.

No, we, I thought Booker was going to take the lead. Okay, Booker can be the lead. It'll really just... Wait, I thought the lead was a girl. No, the boy. The lead is the one that went to prison and stole the bread. He's really strong. I'm extremely confused. I mean, I really don't want to be this, this Gary Stu character. It seems really boring. He has a really good song, though. It's true. I mean, I could, look, I'm open to who I play. There's a few more characters left. There's a, there's a, there's obviously, You know, the lead is the villainous inspector. The lead could be good for you too, though, because, you know, he was, went to prison,

which I guess you haven't. But you've been around prisons. I've got it out. You've got prisons before. But is also wanted for crimes. You're wanted for crimes, but he's got a good heart. And outside of-

But you ultimately would be to do. It's a good thing. And outside of Benji, and then- You're like the strongest guy I know. So he's, the only other thing that I worry about is that me being a dog and being from Hopefully, yes.

Is it a good idea to have this, you know? Oh, maybe I'm atoning for my pet scenes of steaming a loaf of bread or really serving the Marquis art for decades. There's a lot of parallels here. And then, Booker could be the villainous character. Ah. Played by Russell Crow in the film.

What's a film? Major image. It's Russell Crow. It's a really horrible singer that got cast for who knows why. Eh. Anyway, then there's, there's, the rest of these characters, we can stop referencing the mouse urals. So if we cast everybody?

That sounds like we got a lot. What about, what about Hazel? Is Hazel going to play that one character that's like bald and singing and sad? I'm a bold. I don't know. You would just go in some kind of- No, I think we're going to give that to Bitsy. It's a very shallow role.

Oh, I mean, here's the thing. Croquet has a dying mom. So we got a cast her. There's the idealist student. There's the really buff idealist student. That's like the leader of them. I mean, we've got quite a few roles to fill here. Why did you make some in the characters?

What were you thinking? You knew there were only five of us. I had a lot of ideas. I didn't want to cut anything. Well, I'll just try to pick up the slack, you know. I know plenty of actors. I mean, so many people are visiting now from Hollywood. You know, that's completely fair.

I'm sure that Alexander will be able to fill in the rest of the roles with himself. So do you any of those roles sound appealing or interesting to you? I do any of them, I guess. It's just, yeah. Do you want to play croquette or do you want to play croquette? Why? I don't know. It just seems like a good fit for you.

I don't know what we're doing. Perfect. She will play croquette, yeah. Do you want to play the bald dying mom? Shit. We're going to have to shave you. Kaisel will play the bold dying mom. What if I just put like a...

No, it's not authentic enough. We have to shave you. Like a pistachio cat porn. Nope, we have to shave you. That would be really weird. Every time you say that behind the wall, you, hmm. There's no other way.

We have to shave you. I'll do it, maire. Get out of here, Tony! You could also play the brunette chick. Okay. Oh, I totally forgot about her. Yeah, she's... I'll just pick up the slack whenever there's like a little...

A little... Yeah, do you want to be part of a complicated love trial or a bald-dine mom? Don't go. Well, I mean, a lot of these characters die or don't show up again after Act 1, so maybe we can kind of have double-d-d-d-old. I think that's probably a good idea. There's plenty of great actors and singers that I know personally. Yeah.

One has the voice of an angel if you need a strong male lead. I mean, I don't need, I mean, I'd be happy to not play the lead. I feel like this is more Booker's thing anyway. I think you should play the lead. You're too kind. You're too kind. I think Booker makes a really good villain. Yeah, yeah.

True. I mean, look, I'll play whoever, but if you want me to play the lead, I guess it's fine. Why don't you play the lead? You play the young idealist because that's totally... I am the most cheated person I know. I know it'll be a real serious acting. Yeah, thank you.

No, I know just the person to play this young idealist dude and I actually wrote the part for him. He's not one of you. He's the voice of an angel. Perfect. So you'll play the villain. You'll play the lead. You're going to play croquette. I'm going to play horny, perverted innkeeper, like strange weirdo. And you're

going to play dying ballbong. Why? Wait. Done. I thought we had another guy lined up. What were going to say? No, for the student, the young idealist. Oh. And who's that going to be?

He's the voice of an angel. He works down at scratchy dicks in his part-time. No one expected that he could sing. Do you have someone that can play the sad, lonely girl who's in the love triangle and will never be emotionally fulfilled? Oh, gosh. We've got plenty of those here. Good, then we're set.

Great. Sounds like we're cast. So we better figure out a theatre. Yeah, we've got to start getting, we're going to have to find someone to build the theatre. Maybe there's just like an abandoned building that's been, you know, the tenants have been run out from the high Texas due to the market set that we can just go squad in. We did just make a lot of money.

Shouldn't we get an outdoor stay so everybody in a clearing can see? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's actually a fair idea. We could call it wolf trap. Ooh, that sounds bad. Yeah. There's a lot of wolves that probably take offense to that. Well, I'm thinking more along the lines,

the mice aren't going to want to show up for fear. It's an actual trap. How about mouse? Oh, no, that's the same problem. That's even worse, actually. How about the cheese house? Chucky cheeses. Oh, I love it.

Pizza and plays. I really like that. And you know what else. Pizza plays in Burmuffs. Exactly right. Oh, it's really great because what we can do is we can have some pervert in a mouse costume, run around and ask all the children if they want is peatuts. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, why do we have to have a mouse costume? Why can we just find a perverted mouse? Because I think we should put somebody else inside a mouse costume.

So that way they always look the same. You're free reign in my costume room. I don't want to go in there again. Why are all the pants kind of crispy? You got to starch them all real good. That checks out. All right. Well, and there's also a master craftsman.

You can find him at the Wood Wizards. Oh, God. The Wood Wizard. Okay, so we'll go to Wood Wizard. He'll build the stage. We need to find an orchestra or some kind of band. Oh, yeah. We have a lot to do.

And you work on the script. And once the script's done, start practicing. You find the singers in the act. You handle everything else. I'll finish the script. Oh, you said you were going to finish with the rest of you. You had your friend and then a person to play that other chick. Well, you got to find them.

You said you knew them. I knew them. Just tell them that Hamletode said them. So we just go down to scratchy dick and say, excuse me, where's the impressionable young men? Yeah. That should be easy. There's no way that can find his hands.

Where were we going to find the other person, the chick with no one. hope of finding love. You hope. She isn't going to be one of the restaurants. I heard she's waiting tables. What else is new? Well, let's just go scoop up some people.

We don't have a lot of time here. He could be moments from being assassinated and tempted again. It's true. All right. No hints. But keep your head down. We've got a plan. Why don't we just go find a Wooden Alliance?

The ones that are. alive and we'll ask them to join in and we'll get them on board. Well that's a good idea. Is it what a thing? Actually, I think that's a really good idea, especially for the extras and the musicians and stuff, because then it shows the people of the town that they are good and entertainer. Hey, who was that bird that I really loved in that show? Well, wouldn't you know, member of the Woodlands?

But if we're also hiring on people from the village, then it's also like, oh, I really liked Franny the Fox. You know, she was really great. We worked together. And we have bonds. Oh my gosh. Now I don't want to kill you because we had a job together. We have mutual memories.

It's true. Great idea. Nothing bonds like the stage. Nothing but. That's, oh my gosh, when we christen this place, that can be the slogan. Unbelievable. Welcome to Chucky Cheese. Well done.

Nothing bonds like the stage. Well done. That's nice. Who's Chucky Cheese? Where the fuck have you been? Oh, big. That's, why are you eating the coaster? Betsy!

I don't keep my teeth now all down. I'm nervous. What is wrong with you, Derek? I don't know. Something real. How much time you got? How much time again? Exactly.

So should we make our way out to the woods? We have a lot to do. All right. I think first we should probably find the location for the stage and meet up with the wood wizard to contract. That's true. Contract him, yeah, contract him to build the stage. Get him going to go and we're going to have to prepare to spend a significant portion

of the earnings we made from that grand war. I don't care for that. Unless. Yeah, I was going to say it feels like old. money bags. Yeah, Mr. Moneybags over here might be able to bankroll this whole thing. Your name's Mr. Moneybags? That's hilarious. It is now. Well, I'll have to justify the expense somehow, but I'm a great liar. Every time I lie, I'll be fine.

Okay, good. Right. Are you going to vomit? I just need it. I just need to, does something to Oh, this tea is delicious. All right. I'm fine. You know, you could just, you could just notate it as a non-profit. Oh, you're right. And we're all on the board. Okay, easy. Sounds like there's a lot of tax loopholes here.

Done. Done. Done. Barely an inconvenience. Barely in inconvenience. Great. All right. Well, we will just tell the Wood Wizard to put it on your town for that nonprofit. I think we should come up with a different name other than Chuck Cheese.

I don't even know who Chuck is. And what does cheese have to do with the stage? I don't really know if we need like a name to just like a stage in the middle of the clearing. It's not just a stage in the middle of the clearing. It's going to be there forever. It's the first theater on Bogway. It's kind of a big deal. It's Bargway number one.

Number one Bargway. Oh, what the address? Yeah. So it's got to have a name. Well, we have time to think about it on the way to the Wood Museum. That's true. Goodbye. Thank you, Alexander.

Goodbye. Feel free to take some bagels to go. Oh. Do you have any what, uh, tuna and some cheese and maybe a tomato and some onion on it? We've been sitting here and you've seen the whole spread. You know, whatever you got. Oh, so like this one right here. Oh, yeah, perfect.

There you go. Oh, by the way, I actually had an idea. for another character because, you know, the hurricane, he really likes the Marquis Aat. I just think because he probably thinks she's pretty. And so I wrote a part for him that I think that he'll really like it. It's perfect for him. And so I thought that it'd be kind of funny if the gross pervert innkeeper had a gross pervert wife.

So would I play the wife or the innkeeper? Oh, I think you'd be the innkeeper. Perfect. I love that. Yeah, just let the rolls. I wrote the wife for the hurricane. I love that. I would love to make the hurricane my wife. Okay, great.

Perfect. Let him know. I will tell them. Here's an updated script. Perfect. Wow, we got these scripts in wreck of time. You really do write like you're running out of time. Because I am.

There's assassination in every turn. Bitsy, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. Oh no. Oh, my God. Have you held ice in this campaign? Nah. Yikes. It could not have been worse.

Two arrows crash through the ceiling, or through the window. In the direction of the mayor, he managed to barely duck out of the way as two arrow bolts, arrows fly directly into you. I will attempt to use my reaction to catch one. Okay. How does that work? When I do so, the damage I would take from the attack is reduced by 1D10 plus 11. If the reduction of damage is zero or less, I catch it and I can then use a key point to make a range attack in reverse. Okay. So give me negative 21 on that damage for the first arrow.

But I can only use my reaction for one. So if it's two arrows. So the first one, so you will take eight points of piercing damage. Oh, shit, fuck! Oh no, we have to get it down to the dungeon. I mean infirmary. Oh, no. Where did it come from?

But you caught one, right? I get hit with the first one, and then the second one comes, and I, like, stop it right before it hits me in the eye. Who did that? I'll look, and can I see at least a B-line from where it was coming? You do, you can, yeah, exactly right.

It's actually cutting from the hedges where the gardener had been cutting and then moved on. No. And I will attempt to send it back with a key point. Okay. And I will make a ranged attack. That's gonna be 15. 15 on it, roll damage.

Oh shit. How much was the damage of that arrow? Oh, it was 12. A D12? Or no, it was a 1d6. Okay, got it. So that's this. No.

No. Oh, no. Oh, no. six points of damage to whomever is in the hedge. You chuck the arrow and it flies in the, the hedge is actually a carved into a fly that's dancing and along with all of the other perfectly sculpted hedge shapes.

As you fling as you hear, ah fuck, as you see two possum teenagers. God damn it! Who is out, you sons and bitches? I'm gonna catch you. I'm crashed through the window and I start to fly towards the hedge. I hit the ground landing next to the gardener.

Oh, hi. And then I roll forward and I start to race out into the hedge. You do that, make it reception, Jack. Possums. I hate them. Give me a 15 perception. You think that the Marquis Zod is the big bad of is actually these two fucking possum brothers. I'm gonna break their necks.

You look around and you see as one of the brothers has escaped. as Jeremy has escaped. Or no, is that Jimothy. Which isn't the one that could hiss. I don't remember. Jimothy was the hissing one. Yeah, and so you see Jimithy, or no, I guess Jeremy got hit because he can talk.

As he's on the ground, bloodied, scampering away. As he says, ah, fuck you, fuck you, you, you mouse! As he's scampering away as... I'm dashing. Can he run faster than 40 feet? Just fucking Zankeef is that... Let me know when I'm in range to make a baili attack. That almost certainly doesn't hit. You should totally twist this.

Fucking boss of. No, I get two attacks. Hold on. I know how to play monks. I definitely not. You definitely get two attacks. Holy shit. I will say for the sake of this,

you absolutely Zang-Gief and Roundhouse kick him. and you were able to unleash a flurry of blows. What do you want to do with him? Beat him with an inch of goddamn. Yeah, yeah. I would jump onto his back, and I would immediately, like, slap both of his ears

between my hands. I box him so that he falls to the ground. And as soon as he's, like, in a position where I can grab both of his arms, I, like, twist them behind his back and, like, continue to shove him down. Like, why are you got? As you see, as you see,

Oh, my, Timothy, screying away through the hedgemaids, and he completely disappears. And he's, ah, fuck, you suck! You suck. Look at the arrow in my arm. Look at the arrow in my fucking gun. I'm going to die. That before you shot him. It's in my liver. I'm not recovering from that.

I'm going to shout out the window. Bitsy, you got it. You're all right. My way. And I'm going to. Yep, you went Betsy, let's go. Goodbye, Alexander. We'll see you later.

I almost got, did I almost get assassinated? Nope, nope, that was for us. I'm gonna keep riding. These guys suck. So I'll grab a bagel and I'll pop out the window. You see, you see Bitsy. I keep him grappled, even though I'm shorter than him. I'm holding his arms, and I'm just pulling him back so that he's like scorpioning against the,

the turf of this I assumed gardened area just before he gets to the lake. I don't know where his brother went, but I got this one. Well, well, well. What do you have to say for yourself, kid? I just say for myself that I'm upset

I didn't hit the head. Your head. I thought you meant you had to pee. Oh, yeah, I kind of do. She's pressing against my bladder. It's probably just the inside's filling with blood. I don't think you're going to survive this. That's true.

I'm upset. I didn't hit the head either, and I'm going to punch him in the face. Ah, fuck! It does one point a damage. Well, where's the money you took from us? To the bottom of the river! He just plowed him! Liar!

After all that, you didn't even get the money? I don't believe him. I'm going to start searching his pockets and... Oh, no, my pies! Fuck! You find a bunch of pies. They're like rectangular pies, and it's like not... Like the ones from McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, these are delicious and portable. Oh, yeah, I got us from Quackdonald. It's all we had lamps. They're very cold out of pies. Oh, yeah. It's fun. You know, I don't find... I didn't find any money. Uh, you make an investigation check.

Not that I'm not happy with the pies. Money could buy more pies. 26. You find nothing. I'm searching everywhere. And then you like grab his neck and you feel like there's a strange bulge in like around his throat area. What the hell is this? I think he's got a goiter.

Bitsy, punch him into the throat. It could be a tonsil stone. Punch him harder in the throat. Puts him harder in the throat. Oh! Like fucking biggie bank. As he coughs up, probably like 35 gold pieces.

Oh, that's what I'm talking about. Where are you keeping this? In my gullet. You wouldn't know anything about having a gullet. You're absolutely right. That's disgusting. We got any use for this guy? I don't think so.

It's just been a pain in our asses since we got him. Don't miss. You should kill me. I finally show off because I went into the window. I like went down the stairs. This guy's hardcore. I'm here. Is anyone in danger? I mean, just this guy.

I mean, he's bleeding out real bad. He's got a crossbow bolt in his goddamn spleen. I'm kidding. Brumley, we got 35 of your money's back. Oh, is this is my money? Well, it's some of the money he stole from you. Oh, well, thank you for return. for returning it.

He didn't return it! I just punched it on his throat. I don't think we let him fool us twice. Chop his head off. Don't you, Jay? I think death might be too good for this guy. What do you want to do with it then? We make him star in our plan.

The worst. And I worked the crossbow bolt to like give him everything. He's gonna have to wear all black. He's gonna have to stay up all night, setting up the stage. Don't be able to talk while the actors are on stage. He's gonna have to quietly get up. Breaking labor. Well, you're in for it now.

It's the worst kind of work there ever is. Oh, at least Jim if he was spared his fate. Get out of my side. No, wait, stay here. Hold on. We're gonna have to take him to the hurricane. He's gonna have to be watched every second until he's been completely worked into

malleable form and he'll do whatever we say. We're going to have to break him. We're going to have to break him. The only one capable of doing that is the hurricane. And we have the script for him anyway. Let's do it. We'll take him there now. By order of Alexander Hamilton,

you are now a ward of the hurricane. You step one toe out of line. And by, I mean, you'll be working the lights next time. Let me take care of this for you. and I will pop the arrow out. And very quickly reach into my satchel, grab like a baseball's mount of globby sap, and just smack it onto his belly,

and it seals instantly, stopping the bleeding, but not really doing any healing, but he takes healing. Oh, no, does that mean I'm not gonna bleed out and die? Not with an additional four hit points. Oh. Well, let's go, come on. I don't want to be it.

And you know what? You know what you're going to have to do? We're going to put you in costumes first. And we're not giving you a machine. You have to sew the costumes by hand without a thimble. And I hope you like snapping an acapella. Have you ever done jazz hands? Well, you're about to, buddy.

Until your fingers bleed. And they already will be bleeding because you'll be sewing costumes without a thimble. I grab both of the hands and make them do this. This is my name. The forced jazz hands. Definitely against the Geneva Convention. We make our way to the hurricane.

You do, as he's stammering the whole time, as the hurricane is completely covered, absolutely soaked in this red substance when you find him. We have no idea what it is. You have no idea what it is. And you enter, you're like, and the hurricane stup, sats it, blah, blah, blah. And the hurricane,

stops and he turns around and he says, okay, guys, I was just finishing breakfast. I really like jelly donuts. We have a script from Alexander Hamilton, you're just to be my wife in a play that we are putting on on the new artist, Ellie. I thought he never going to ask. Yeah, you get to be a big star. It's a big part. You're excited? Yeah, you're going to be a wifie pervert of in-keeper pervert.

Who's me? Sounds about right. Yeah. So here's your script, learn your lines, and, you know, picture me naked or something. That's right. Can I be sure anybody else naked is that for you?

That's got to be me, you're my wife. Okay. Well, I mean, I guess to keeping it with the, you know, actual marriage, you probably should picture somebody else naked. And fake it. So you should practice your faking face. I don't know if we have a sex scene,

but just in case we do. Well, I think you should dialogue about D-Nap. adequacy of your penis. Yeah, perfect. So you will have to then picture me naked so you can picture my inadequate penis, but then also picture someone else naked with an adequate, more than adequate penis.

And with the clientele in this clearing, that sex scene's gonna be freaky. Yeah. Because we're both perverts. You're really gonna have to spice it up a bit. Also, we're gonna be fun. We brought this possum child to you, who is both prisoner and part of the crew.

He attempted to assassinate both Bitsy and Alexander Hamilton with an arrow. He's a real piece of shit. I still have an arrow in my arm. I haven't taken it out for some reason. Ow! You've had your hands full. And so we brought him to you. He has been sentenced to a life of backbreaking labor as a theater kid.

Yes, exactly right. But the thing is, he likes to play dead. So if he pretends like he's dead, he's not. Yeah. You guys are messed up. We learned from the best. Wife. Okay, can I play my accordion?

Yeah, I'm a method actor. Yeah, I'm a method actor. I love you, wife. Oh, you play accordion? That's kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah. That's why I am how I am.

It's not listening. Remember he said we were going to jam sometime? Yeah. Oh, that's right. He's very good. Wow. I'm sure we can work that into your musical number. Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

That must sound totally insane and a hummingbird playing an accordion so fast. to just be like, who's nuts. You should consider playing the bagpipe. I don't know the meaning of the word. A bag and a pipe

are two opposite things. Not really opposite. They are. They are. Okay, so you don't want me to kill this kid? No, no. If he runs away. Yes, this is not going to

raise at all. Just can you like mentally torture him into being well-behaved and useful to us? The next time we see him, I want him to be singing songs from Hairspray. I have an idea of how I think I can mentally break him. I love that musical. The Rapids are so funny.

Well, you're the expert. Good morning, Baltimore. We'll leave it to you. I'm going to need my shackles. Sure. He pulls out his chains and shackles. The hands. Here, come to my shackle corner.

Oh, everybody's a little stool. You've got a shackle corner? It's really just a different kind of like here. Wait, you didn't get a shackle corner room? Most of the rooms here have shackle corners. No. They said it was a $50 up charge, but they sold out within the first couple minutes of the room.

Oh, yeah, no. Most of them. We did get your crazy shake like a heart. We had this tiny little oven, though. I made some creepy crawlers. No, I had some ways like... That's something I haven't thought of in like 25 years. I wanted to make that reference last too much.

I don't know why it came out just now. Well done. I take him over to the shackle corner. Yeah, my lips have shaped like a creepy crawler. A pair of like lips and like some creature, like some sort of creature like from the gargoyles. I don't know.

Weird. Anyway, here's the shackle corner and he shackles them to the, you're going to torture me. I don't care. I don't care. I'll resist. And he says, well, let me open my special bag. And he goes over just like this really large, large, strange, like, leather satchel, and he opens that.

Oh, God, you're not going to stick your proboscis under his fingernails, are you? Worse. And he pulls out a book. Benjamina was just an average girl. Oh, wow. Or so that. That's what all of our classmates thought. Parents are okay.

You leave the sound of the screaming. Oh, we gotta get out of here. I can't listen to another one. She always knew she was special. The door closes as Jeremy screams in terror as the hurricane reads from generic YAA trash. He's a good kid, he'll be all right. Good kid?

No, he's not a good kid. Oh no, fuck that kid. I'm sorry. Right, let's go to war, wizard. I think I saw the sign on the way to the manor. We can go right there. And I got to be honest. I know that the Mayo's life is in danger. This is a really, like, imminent, constant threat.

We came up with the absolute slowest plan we possibly could have. I mean, it's going to take, like, what, three months to build a stage, even with, like, 40 contractors. And you know how fast the contractors, working might as well be six months. It might actually be easier instead of raising us up to just dig a hole and put the audience in it. Well, think about how long it's going to take for everybody to learn their parts and then we've got to learn to harmonize and sing and read lines. I mean, Hamilton's going to be dead like, Hamilton's going to be dead like six ways of Sunday.

That's true. He's only had one attempt since we started thinking of this plan. We're not even going to make it to dress night. Rehearsal. Dress rehearsal. Oh, gosh. This wasn't the best idea of me. Well, we better get started. We go to the Wood Wizard. You go in the direction of the Wood Wizard that you know,

as you see, as you hear, Nuts with the prize inside. Nuts with the prize inside. We have no liability for any allergies or any injury, death or dismemberment caused by nuts with the prize inside. Buy some for me. I want the prize. Bye. I didn't get dismembered by a nut.

Don't ask. You make your way down to the, where the river meets the lake, and there's a large, it looks like a large beaver dam that says the Wood Wizard. And you hear saws and buzzing of the strange machinery that the Marquis-Zott has brought in. And you enter a workshop, basically. As you see a large beaver, as he turns and he looks at you. and he says,

Oh, welcome to the Wood Wizard. Hi, the Wood Wizard. Oh, great. In case you were curious, I'm, they call me the Wood Wizard on account of I'm a wizard with wood. Well, we need you. And kind of that you don't know what a wizard is, means someone who's got magics.

We do know what a wizard is. How weird is that? Peggy. He's a wizard. Peggy's fair. Did you know that? Are you guys supposed to have like a crazy wizard back? now to determine who can be the only wizard?

Oh, are we going to have a wizard? Yeah. Are you going to, like, absorb his powers? No, they got a break dance. Do you feel threatened? Do you actually do magic? I do, I'm magical with some wood. Is that just like a turn of phrase?

Oh, my boyfriends in high school said I was a bit magical with wood as well. I was gonna say all the perverts back in the mansion said that too. Christ. Why were they talking about that? You were all asleep. This is nothing to do with you. Jesus Christ Nobody can keep their mouse shut in this place

They can't be quiet They're gonna break dance Jesus Christ He's that weird mouse The prophetic mouse That's been wandering from clearing to clear Are you a wood wizard too?

Yeah Jesus Christ That sounds like Bessie's got a rival now too Yeah she She invented magic So you must learn it from her I haven't taught anyone

So I don't know What kind of boney You're playing on here Anyway, you'd rather show us some of your magic. Yeah, show us your magic. Show us what you can do, wizard. We didn't come all the way down here to not see a wizard battle. That sounded pretty threatening, but really, I just want to see your, you know, your capabilities.

What's your best magic trick? Yeah, show me your wood. Are you ready to see some real, genuine wizard magicly old wood wizard wizard? Yeah. We better take a few steps back. Take a few steps back. There's a splash zone to wood wizardry. Oh, okay.

I'm not taking at least three steps back. I'm now confused. I'm going to stand right up in front. I'm not worried about a splash zone. I'm going to see this magic wizard. He steps over to a... Like a song-off log. As he pulls, he moves quickly.

And he pulls out just a flat, bladed implement. And he says, be careful. I can't get it. Because he's a... because he's a beaver. Now you see, now you see as I,

as I move, it's all, it's all in, it's all in the subtle motions. You've got to be patient. You got to be patient. You don't want to go too fast. Yeah, I've got to be honest,

this is a slower process, and I was anticipating. I see what's going on here. Well, this is going to turn into a very nice toboggan pretty soon here. Oh, no, we're not after all. Oh. Also, I thought you said when you came in here

that you wanted a toboggan. No. What? Who said the word toboggin? You said toboggan. No, no. He came in and said, hello, Mr. What was it? We'd like to purchase five toboggoms.

Oh, God, I think he's... No, no, none of us said that. I think he's seen him. We just met you two minutes ago. He seems pretty confident, maybe we did say that. No, two minutes ago, you, two minutes ago, you came into my shop and said, oh, we'd like five toboggons. We're, we're a professional tobogging team. would come from Ribbaro Falls.

What in the hell? I think I've lost my mind. Well, could you put that order on pause because we have a number request? Do you know how long it's going to take to me to make five toboggans that are up to competition standards? No.

Well, how long would it take to make a stage for a musical theater play? And potentially an outdoor amphitheater. And we're not super concerned on safety regulations. That is going to be my first question. And to be quite fair, as long as it's on a grassy knoll that is angled in a way that is conducive for audience members viewing pleasure, we don't necessarily need seats for the audience either.

It could be an open-air amphitheat. It's like a bring-your-own-chair kind of deal. I kind of want to push the lock on how close we can get to old Hamilton getting assassinated. I don't know. I don't want to just see how long we can push this. In the triangle of business, we're looking for cheap and fast, not necessarily good. Oh, cheap and fast. Well, I guess...

But also Lodge, because this is a full-scale production. This play has like 400 characters. I can't keep any of them straight. Just the way I like my men, cheap, fast, and lodge. And the only other requirements, the floor at the stage needs to spin. Okay.

If it could. So if it could, sort of care of self-style, you know, so I think in the opening number, when people are singing about at the end of the day, you know, You're really running with this. I like this. They can walk forward, but they're not walking at all because of what I mean, they are walking, but stay just moving at the exact same speed.

It'll be a very cool effect. Maybe underneath. And then underneath, there can be like a bicycle or something, and we have a really shitty fucking possum kid who's just riding that bicycle like his life depended on it. Because standing next to him is the hurricane with a shotgun to his head. Who knew we were a bunch of engineers? This is fantastic. I love what this is going.

I can hit up my engineer. contractor friends I mean but to operate such a machinery you would need a child labor that's definitely below regulation perfect we've got that handle oh good well that is just serendipitous what if we had like just one bear like one bear power the whole thing roughly if we had like bed like one bear power you know would that be enough yeah how we gonna sneak a bear like under the stage yeah I think Benny can't be there theoretical I mean I think we just have the kid do it and just not pay him anything.

To make the whole stage spin? Yeah, fuck that kid. It'll be a big stage. He seemed pretty strong. Maybe we could wrestle his brother down there as well. Oh, that's true. He's both of them? They'll have no problem.

Anyway. So I should have my contractors make the contraption for two children. At least. We might be able to find a few more if we'll likely wrangle some other ones. Okay, well, as long as I have plausible deniability. It's got to be like political. prisoners we can shove down there as well. Yeah, that's fair. Or maybe other

various downtrodden people or individuals. Yeah. Seems almost like... Well, not... Well, the Marquis-Zars, there's all sorts of political prisoners. That's what they do. I'm thinking more like the Marquis-Arts in town, we capture them, the tax collector.

Oh, he's friends with Alexander Hamilton. We'll figure it out. Maybe do four bikes at the very least, but they don't have to be activated. Oh, bike. I was thinking we'd just harness them up like a pony. Oh, that works too. Oh, sort of like one of those mulepool mills. Yeah, exactly right.

You know, like I knew a mule named Jim once, and that's what he did. I just figure it's more, you know, it's more, well, it's it, you know, not everybody knows how to ride a bike, but everyone can generally walk in a circle when they're attached to something that only goes in a circle. Well, he's the thing. We only have like 24 hours. So whatever you can get done in 24 hours, there's going. To 48.

We got to go into the, we got to get the wood and the law. Look, 72. Am I being, being paid, yes. 72 hours and put it on the town for Alexander Hamilton. The mayor is paying for the whole thing. It is a gift to the town. And spare no expense, she said. Honestly, if you already had a stage bill, we'd just buy that.

You don't happen to have a large circular spinning stage it runs on child. It can fit like 400 characters at any given moment. Right? Just a... And set like roughly 18th century Paris. Yeah, and we're also going to need you to find the plot of land to erect the stage. He said Barris. Yeah, Barris. Oh, that's weird.

Bearis, France. I guess it's more... I love Barris. I guess technically it's more 19. century. I don't know. I don't got... Wasn't it right after the assassination of

Korean? The Wildest Frog. Toad? No, it was a while after that. Okay, then yeah, it was probably 19th century. Early 19th century. I don't got

nothing, nothing like that at all. All I got is all I got is a toboggan display rotating device. That's nothing like what you just said. So we look over Is there a 400 person-sized circle

with a bunch of tobogons on it? It's just like a couple dozen debauses. Just like a couple of dozen debilts. Yeah, there's like the full stage lighting, but they're just on toboggans. Wow. Oh, no, that's too bad. Shit.

Well, get working. Okay, so. I mean, lives literally depend on it. So, it's love. That's life will be on your ass. So there's the, how credential is the inspector for safety? We don't have an inspector.

No, that'll shave off a long time. And oh, you said you got, you have two to question mark children. At least. At least. Two plus. We'll plan for planning for two plus. Yeah, plus exactly. Two plus.

Okay, children are operated. Okay, okay. And before this, you want to purchase five toboggins. No, we don't need to want to need the debaulgates. That's somebody else. I don't know who you were talking to. We, I mean, we came here. There was nobody here. Are they like maybe escaped toboggans? What? In case we need to get out of here real fast, we're just tobogging out of here. That's not how that works, Pitsy. What? You've got to have a hill for that.

There are lots of hills. I think you gotta be covered in snow, too. An ice or something. Maybe if we were up in Grizzlepole, but not here. Yeah, why are you making toboggans all the way down here? Drizzle Paul's like 14. I grew up in drizzle. But you moved here to make toboggons, you could have just stayed in Grisel Paul. Who the hell's buying a toboggan?

It's like summer here year round. This guy's about to go bankrupt. He needs the money so badly. I haven't snowed here in four decades. Well, I was almost a professional toboggan. What happened? Not you risk. Because I feel like we have to get the Woodwardens' groove back.

Oh, no. Next session, we're either doing cool running or... Feel the rhythm. Feel the rhyme. Get ready to race. It's tobogging time. Cool a mouse abound. Cool, a mouse, baron.

And it was all gone swell until the accident. Anyways, so far, oh, no, no, tabot. Zero toboggans. If it would help, you'd be throwing five tobogging just after the stages. Hey, actually, what do you think about like a boat instead of a tobogging? Like an escape boat in case we need.

Oh, that's a good idea. Like a toboggan bomb? Can you build a barge, like a five-person like raft? We don't need a boat. Oh, that's way easier and faster than five toboggans. Why would you... I was going to say, you could also just lash five tobogans together

and make like a raft if you needed to. That's true. The fact of words will probably float. You seem really set hell-bent on these toboggons. Oh, no. The tobogins. bargains will take a very, very long time in the crowd. Can you make a sailboat?

All right, skip them. All right, go with the barge or sailboat idea then. Do we really need a sailboat if we're on your river? Oh, well, I mean, in case we want to go against the current in the river. You never know. That's fair. I just assumed if we needed to sail anywhere, we could go back to their martyrs on that barge. We'd be able to talk to them.

No problem. You know, the riverflow company, Arthur is a very affordable barge. Now, that's unfortunately not an option for us. Actually, while we're at it, maybe we should arm that tobogging barge. Well, I'm just thinking, especially because there's a lake right south of this clearing. It might be fun to kind of sail around, you know. You can do some tubing. You know, but we've always talked about wanting to do tubing.

I had something that's been on my bucket list. So, I mean, now's a chance. Now to date's government funding. You know, it'd be really nice instead of a barge. If we had, could you make a catamaran? Oh. Oh, a catamaran. I can sure I can do that.

That's basically just two toboggans with a top between the two. I love it. Could you put the catamaran before the state? Never mind. Make the stage first. So I should make a fancy lake tobogun. Well, first, make the stage, then a fancy lake toboggan. He takes a pencil that he's writing all this down.

Oh, gosh. Well played. Okay, so you need a custom stage that's nothing like the toboggan display. Correct. Nothing at all locked. Okay. Uh, and no regular, no, no inspector. None.

No inspector. So inspector X. Tiled labor check. Tobogging frowny face. Water fancy toboggan, heck, smiley face. Fucking, yeah. I think I can make this happen. And how long?

What are we talking here? How many? Oh. So how quickly can you get this done? Eh. Well, that's a tall order. I suppose I could get it done in about 72 hours. 72 hours.

I mean, that's about as good as we could possibly ask for. That's perfect. That's enough time for us to make sure that we learn our lines, get the finalized scripts, go into the forest, and, you know? Those are boobies. Oh. That's very cool. That is very good.

You have two of them. I love boobies. I am a big fan of boobies. And that's going to be a very special rush order that I'll have to. to charge triple. How much is triple? I guess you matter. Go for it. Charge what I mean?

Charge it. No, I just... Charge it to the mayor? Sure. I just wanted to know how my... I mean, I'm just curious. Oh, well, I mean... I'm not going to tell you no. I just want to know. Triple be 75,000 gold pieces. Oh, oh, my... Yeah, 75,000. That's fine. Oh, my God. If we can fit... Just think about it like this, right?

If we can fit, how many people can we fit in the audience? Oh, hundreds. That was 400, I believe, was on your order. Well, no, that was how many people we need on stage at any given moment. We need the audience to be like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people. We basically need the audience to be the whole town. Oh, the whole, so all of it while for the... And even if people come from other clearings to watch this magnificent play. I'm gonna have to, that's why I'm charging triple,

because I have to convince my two brothers to come and help me out. What are their names? How we don't really talk. They... We used to be business partners, and then I kept talking. I kept talking about, about, we don't care about your family. Tobogans and they became very cross in me.

They were very cross beavers. Well, we don't care about your family history. We want to know what the names are. It's Naget and Dorbert. Had a feeling. Yeah. Two cross beavers named is Naget and Dorbert. All right.

Okay, okay, okay. So 705,000, are we worried that like, will tell him I just drop dead when he sees the bill. I mean, we don't want to assassinate the guy. But if he doesn't have that kind of money. Don't listen. He paid us 10,000 gold pieces for a freaking crawded. Yeah, it's like seven and a half crabcloth.

But on top of that, we're charging people to see this. All right. No, we do not. What? Yes, we are. No, we're going to be free. Okay, the first one's free, but if they want to see the second fucking one, they're paying money.

Okay, if we're going to have more multiple shallings. Of course we're going to have multiple. Do you think we're going to build this thing and nothing's ever going to happen again? No, this is going to be the pinnacle of the ox. Okay, so a short-raiserd-in-see, how many shows? Two a day? At least.

Do we get Sundays off? No, not. No, of course not. Monday's off. Monday's off. Okay, all right. If every ticket's ten gold pieces and there's 750 seats, then what pay back the whole thing in like ten shows?

That is a large chunk of this campaign. That's just gone. Gone. You know what? We'll figure it out. Anything else you need? Actually, a novelty cuckoo clocks perhaps? No, no.

I don't think so. But what else you got? Anything fun? You wouldn't happen to have like a pocket-sized breadbox. Ooh, pocket-sized bread box? Yeah. Oh, good to fashion one. Yeah, no, there's...

Actually, I actually have one in the back. There was someone who was mighty fine of... A mighty big fan of 20 questions. and they always get real upset because they say it's bigger than a bread box and they say no and it's like oh gosh well you're a liar and a cheat it's like oh no look at this breadbox

and then they commissioned it but they refused to pay on account of they were flat broke rabies you think this is a charity get out of my shop how many like could I see it? Oh sure pulls out

it's a little exactly what it says on the tent it's a little smaller than I was hoping food. Perfect for your pies. Only in very small pockets. Well, but I took all them bagels. How big are your pockets? Well, not very big, but

I've got a lot of bagels. You see that I took off the breakfast table. Oh, this is a bread box. It's not a bagel box. This is useless to you. Oh, any of. We got in the way bagel boxes. Oh, yeah.

Plenty of bagel boxes. You're usually almost being that looks basically identical. Oh, well, there's a bagel bagel. It's perfect. I was hoping you'd point over to a big barrel that just said discount bagel boxes and it's like ramshackled in there.

Do you know, any of those novelty carved like baby bears that are holding, like little tiny table? It doesn't seem very useful, but is always horrifically overpriced. But it looks really cute, you know, any of those? Oh, no, if I was carving effigies of bears, that would rile up unrest and then panic and terror. and I would very likely be dragged to the gallows and hang.

Come on, Cromley. Jeez, what kind of question was that? Sorry, I didn't mean your fan. Unbelievable. I'm not from here. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Still learning custom things, you know. How much for the bagel box?

There'll be five gold pieces. You've got a deal, sir. Oh, great. All right. Of course, I can't believe that. I thought she was going to say, you got to be fucking kidding. I said that was very like, oh, you got a deal.

The crossroads were. Which was you go? Oh, yeah. If you also want to, it's a very fun game. It's just a board with slots and we've got a little golf tease and you can play a game that no one likes. It isn't fun at all. I've played that before, but it's always covered in syrup. Yeah, what's the object of the game?

The rules are very questionable. No one really knows how to play, but it's very... Let me see that. Hold on. I just say on here, it says if I can't do it, I'm an ignoramus. Oh, this is bullshit. What are you pedaling here? This garbage!

Oh, there's T's all in my... Oh, in my fur, I've been turned into a porcupine. Take it easy. That was very rude. That the stupid wooden triangle called me an ignoramus. It's a piece of woodbooker. We've really got to work on woodpe. We've got to be careful.

Wood can really hurt. Splinters. That's right. That's right. And fear is too. That's right. You really shouldn't have put that on there. Emotional scarring.

Oh, no. It says, oh, hey, I always keep them out front. So all the children. are like, hey, mother, mother, this is the only toy in the entire establishment. Can you please purchase this for me? And the mother's like, I assure you, if once I buy this, you're going to look at it and say, this is the least fun toy you've ever had. And they're like, I don't care, buy it anyway.

And then they do, and it's just as unfun as the mother says. I know how mother knows best, they always say, I guess. But I have made my money. Like I said, this ain't no charity. Well, we really got to go. So just, yeah. And you had a lot of work to do. Send the bill to old Mr. Mayor.

No, get my contractors, my subcontractors. We'll let you pick the location, the best one of the clearing. Ooh, do we have the zoning clearance for that? Yeah, the mayor's hand roll of it. Oh. Any public space that you feel?

Do I have eminent domain authority? Absolutely. I'm pretty sure he said that. Absolutely. Yeah, that sounds like a thing. I don't know what that means. Gorge, good thing. not swayed by crying families.

Oh, no. This is gonna be the greatest theater you ever did see. I'm sorry, for me. Yeah, we missed it. We have no idea. It's probably fine. We're gonna get it in whatever it needs. You know, I don't have any problems with any crying families.

You come back to us. We'll help take care of it. Okay, it will do. Thank you. You leave the Wood Wizards behind. The Wood Wizard. So, like his place. A posh. I was like, oh my God, there's more than one. That whole time.

Say it, two rubbers. Yeah, two bros. They're all wood. Yeah, but those are just the angry beavers. Probably just breakdance all the time. Guys, I love this new bagel too. Guys, get out, stop break dancing in the back and come help me.

Stop being so cross. Stop doing that weird, like, dad, like. It's one, it's one Gandalf and Saramont fight. They just breakdance for like, 30 minutes. Oh. Oh, no, that's the worst wizard battles.

Like, if I had one opportunity for a wizard battle and a fantasy story, it'd be two angry guys throwing each other around with, and break dancing. This is terrible. That's like me after 14 beers. Hazel, how many vehicles can you fit in your container? Well, you know, I thought I was gonna be able to get six in. Turns out if I squish him a bit, I can get seven. It did leave me with about 22 that I had to eat to keep fresh, but I'd still say worth it.

I got a dozen right here. I just ran a string through the center of the bagels. Oh my god, if I tie it, you could wear it like a necklace. Oh, oh, one would... Lovely. Thank you. I don't play with it. There you go.

By the time you get the seventh bagel and they're all already stale. But they're way less stale than they would have been. I'm so happy with my bagel necklace. I do feel jealous. It was just right there whereas I have to

sling my bagel tube off of my bagel. back and open it, you know. It's like a whole thing. But it's so fancy. It looks great. You think so? I think it was worth five gold pieces. It's a bagel pest dispenser. Giant bea-old dispenser.

Yeah, a giant... I love it. My bagel pestis-spenser. That's perfect. Oh God, I wish I had. Every time you open it, you get a splinter, but it's worth it. Totally worth it. Where to next, guys?

Should we go out to the forest? Yeah, let's just head. into the woods and trying to chase down a woodland alliance without being, you know, without having our throat cut by ambushes. We don't even know who survived. We have to see if we can find anybody. We have to follow the blood trail. That's the place to start right where the hurricane left him.

Yeah. Yeah, it's probably going to take us, you know, the rest of the day to find where they've gone on to. So you've got a long journey ahead. Can we have some lunch first? You've just finished eating a bagel from a breakfast. This was like two minutes ago. And? That's why you have your best dispenser.

Those are my emergency bagels to be kept fresh in a case of emergency. Have you eaten them all already? Not all of them. Can you open it up and let me see what's inside? None of your business! You can have some my bagels. Oh, sweet, smiths. Thank you.

They were made for each other these two. I do feel a certain kind of kind of kindred spirit. The road and bond is got going on. Especially. I'll teach you the mysteries of the universe. All right. I guess. Let's talk. And I'll, like, reach out to hold your hand,

and then we'll start to, like, skip down the lane towards the forest. In the wrong direction. Oh, who? I could get to a room. I turn around all fours, like, sniffing the ground, trying to, like, track. Try not get a scent of bear or anything else. There's the smell of all of the varieties of restaurants.

Oh, that's delicious. You see. So you're saying that he specifically smells scratchy dicks. He does smell scratchy dicks. He also smells Chris's Root Steakhouse. Into the wood. You smells five guys, burgers and flies. Tim the

Oh, I'm from most great shit You start sniffing And there's actually some like white powder on the ground And it's like Oh And that's where we'll have a session People don't forget

I don't forget. I'm fucking nuts. I start sprinting. It's... You're a million push-ups. Yeah. It's a smell that you remember from Dr. Frankl's dungeon, I mean, infirmary. As you...

Make a survival check. Just straight. Oh, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. My wisdom found not too good, but it is... I think that's a 17. 17. 17. Okay. I will say you head out into the swamp and for the marshes and it takes you a while, but you see the direction where where hurricane had flown off to and you finally smell it. Can we map this? I'm curious where we are actually. Oh yeah. We're gonna map it. Move us on the mayor.

Just scratchy dick sell cheese. It's the south, yeah, southwest, yeah. You head to the southwest of the clearing. Yeah, into the marsh. Okay. Oh, here we go. As you smell. Scratchy tears.

What smells like turned cabbage. And definitely like vegetables that has been out for too long. Oh, I mean, you start eating healthy and like make salads. And this is in your crisper drawer. The one fucking bag that you've never opened. It's the one bag. It's like, where's all this disgusting water come from? As you pick it up, I can't wait to throw you away in a week.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just throw that one away, immediately replace it. Throw that one away, immediately replace it. Cucumber with like the white rings that's sucked in on the side. Yeah. Classic.

God, it's been in my fridge. It smells like all of our CRISPR drawers. That's what it smells like. And you're able to make your way into the swamp and into the wood. What is Samberg? Buckus, hot drink mix. Oh. Oh, we'll talk about that later.

Perfect, sorry. The sound of Sam Buccas' Hot Drink Shack. I think you were making a pun of some kind? I think it's pronounced Sam Bukis. Ew. That's even worse. Is it?

Sounds like snail mucous. Mewkus. Mewkus. Bacus. We had a Sambuckus in Potsville. His drinks are just a little. Let's go. I'll have one medium garbage water, please. It's all my raccoons.

And it's literally just bought a little like garbage play. You hear an absolutely angelic nail voice singing out. It just feels with power and it sounds beautiful as you pass it. As there's a whole crowd that's cheering and you make your way into the You follow the trail and eventually you find blood drawing on a tree branch. You see an entire side of a tree that's completely just destroyed by grape shot and metal pellets within as you see ferns being from where bodies had been dragged through. Very clearly, a small force has been ambushed here.

as you see the results of the hurricane's ambush, as you make your way and finally, takes you a several hours, you see off in the distance very subtly, off into the woods as you're into the woods now. You hear the buzzing of a massive dragonfly, monstrous, it's mandibles dripping with venom. It soars right over you as you barely avoid it.

as you see small, a plume of smoke rising up from a campfire. As you see what looks like the Woodland Alliance up ahead. How do you bro? All right. Please not think. Now that they should remember us. Well, maybe, I mean, unless all the ones that met us are dead. Oh, well, since we know that Benji's with him,

why don't we approach with a tune? Why don't you just, you know, oh, lady, lewd lady, all the way. You lael, you, lael, you know that one, right? That was really good. I mean, why am I even here? You're just like, are you the one with the voice

of an angel that Hamilton was talking about? I mean, we'll see, I guess. We don't believe, you know. I don't know. I mean, you're the one with the banjo. I would... I would... So, I mean, you're describing... the scene and that there's just like a bunch of leftover vegetables, but like we heard that

he ran off. So like he, do we like, is there a sign that he's like still here? Um, I would say that you look through and you see a massive shape moving through as he's shaggy. It's like the shag carpet in, uh, in the manor, but it's moving and living. It's very clearly Benji. You see a shock of red, uh, perched on top of him very clearly because I have survived. Okay. But it seems like to be there's some commotion as there's people starting to gather in a certain part of the camp. You see that there's some tents erected as you hear the sound of wailing and crying and sniffling as there's sadness.

I would, before we get too close and startle anybody, I would try to make our presence known and say, Caziah, it's us. We're here. We've been looking for you. Are you all right? Especially all right. You call out and you see the bear turn. As he hears your voice and he says,

I don't like tragic death. As Cazia says, Will you choose a right time to come here? As they call. all through the woods, very clearly recognizing your voice. We came as soon as we heard that there was commotion out here. I mean, you know, we wanted to see if you and Benji were all right and see who else is all right, hopefully. There's a large crowd.

You can see now that Benji's standing looming over. Dozens and dozens and dozens of Woodland Alliance members, many of them being the denizens of click clock crossing. No, wow. And, but there are also dozens of bodies all laid out very clearly from the massacre as they welcome you into their camp. And you see that a lot of people are standing around one particular cot. As you see bandaged, horribly wounded, a bandaged

around a head and ear missing. The tail completely splintered in half, filled with grape shot all over. You see the mouse known as Jean. His muscles completely just absolutely shredded on one side of his body. As his chest is very slowly rising and falling, he's very clearly on the verge of death,

as an entire throng of people are surrounding him. as you all are, you're all able to approach this as people are turning towards him, and you see Ginger, the fox that you had met me when you had first met Binsen, and she is leading over him, talking to him, as he is trying to rasp out words. I don't know what to say. If there's anything we can do to help, please let us know. You hear the whole crowd hushes. As you see Jean move and his one eye looks in your direction. As you see Benji, I don't like that part of the story. He's a gross cabbage. And Jean looks at you and says,

was a bloodbeth See, you can you, you can put you, do your thing Sean, I got some healing magical sap or a really this regular sap, but it's healing I'm something of

Save it for the wounded Who can be saved? You can be saved? My time is up No, no, no, no Let me just see your chest I don't like the way you said that I would gladly give my life freedom.

He's cause me, lawyers. It's gonna be all right, you're so noble. It's my palate wounds. He takes eight points of healing. Oh no. Fidzi, are you supposed to be cupping his pectorals like that? Yes, leave me to my business. I've moved on from the wounds.

I'm just massaging his pectorals now. His biceps. They have... They have... You're gonna be all right, John. You're gonna live! They have a... A monster with a contraption that fills my heart with dread.

It's gonna be all right. You just rest. You just rest now. You're strong. You're strong. I don't think I'm gonna make it. Well, on the off chance that you don't make it, you can rest in peace. peace, knowing that we will

tell your story of your, your, your, your heroics and your sacrifice for the cost. You would do that for me? Oh, we'd be happy to. Oh, there's pellets in my lungs. It's going to be, though, in musical play form.

Yay. That sounds pleasant. Freedom and musical theater go together. like chocolate and peanut butter. Okay, well, thank you for that. I must choose my successor. You mean like to lead the...

To lead the woodland. The cause. Who are you going to pick? He looks at you. And he says, I met this person the day we were freed. But in the short time,

I've known of them and their deeds. They filled... They filled my heart with passion and song for freedom. Oh, that's amazing. They would do anything for freedom in such a short time. They were very self-interested, but this person... Has had a change of heart, and I know is... Is...

Belize in the cause more than anything. Would you do me a favor? Yes. Would you go find Nestor and bring him here? I mean, I mean, uh, uh, uh, uh, Nestor? You want, you want the duck fella, the drunk. Yes, bring him here. Did someone say my name?

He survived the, uh, uh, Nestor, you needed over here by the dying mouse. Oh, that's great. Oh, hello. I thought you said you were never going to see me again. You know, we, uh. you would be very glad this is not seen me. Oh, Sean, you look terrible. Would you like a last meal? I'm basically like sitting on his chest, cowgirl style, and just like massaging both of his thighs

with the remaining sap, just really making sure that, you know, in case there are any wounds. Come here. Nestor. Yes I'll take I'll take your famous You're famous

You're famous Lamb chops with your duck souls I can't believe this is happening Oh I had it just handy Not I knew you were going to make it But just you know I was hoping

that you were going to I knew that you were going to make it Oh Here you go and he eats the he eats it he looks up at Bitsy and he looks down on his meal

covered in duck sauce it's filled with booze he can't be all right so this is all this is how I wanted to go out as long as the song will be told of freedom

I mean I guess yeah I guess we can still do that sing a song of liberty friends Yeah, all right, well, I mean, we'll see what we can do, I guess. And Nester. Coincidentally, they sort of do the whole thing we're trying. We'll fulfill your friends in there after you go. I mean, I'm a little less enthused now that, you know, I know that like Nesta's taking over, but that's fine, whatever, we'll figure it out.

I mean, I guess we still have the end. Yes, leave the alliance. You have the heart of a true, a true rebel. This is bullshit. Freedom. His heart stops as you sit atopold. him go go outside of Bitsy

Bintzy I think he's gone He gotta stop he's dead This is very disrespectful Sean I flip around Sean look at me Look me in the eyes

Sean! Oh no now you're pushing the palisdistan ow oh no it's still bleeding a little stop He's just Oh Bidzie no Bittie no Okay.

Do you each other. I don't think they did. No, I just thought he was really attractive. I'm sorry, Tram. I get up, I get up, but I... Sorry for your laws. Thank you. My God, no, it's it.

Everyone is staring and they're sniffing, and tears are falling as they all turn to nest her. I've never seen you all throw down, or ever before. Make John's sacrifice. John sacrifice. We are so fucked. Not in vain. And I'll do it for the

the forest union. It's the one little lions, your butts! Oh, the wood little lions! Tyranny. And everyone looks, they look, and they say, say as ginger steps forward. Now, I think, I think Jean made the right call. Long live Nestor, Nestor.

Nestor. And everyone starts cheering, long live Nestor, long live Nestor. I refuse. As they are, they dance around as they're cheering and they start waving the green flag. And he says, oh boy. And that's for one in the session. Well done, Mike. I just Googled our ducks allergic to anything.

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