Legends of Avantris - Uprooted | S2E1 | Fast Forward

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

After a hilarious recap of Season 1, the Vagabonds find themselves sailing down the river on a boat filled with "stowaways"... Gain access to an exclusive campaign, Shroud Over Saltmarsh, over on Patreon: https://legendsofavantris.com/patreon The Crooked Moon, a folk horror supplement for 5e, is available for preorder! Get the Crooked Moon at: https://thecrookedmoon.com/ Watch more D&D adventures in the world of Avantris live on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/legendsofavantris Check out our merch store: https://shop.legendsofavantris.com  Join our community on Discord: https://legendsofavantris.com/discord Watch our many campaigns on YouTube: https://legendsofavantris.com/youtube  All other links: https://linktr.ee/legendsofavantris   Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/7K7joOKMHbc?si=QVhRfyPra6DUedXu

Welcome to Legends of Aventress. I'm Mikey Gilder, and you're listening to Uprooted. The gang has started a con in Potsville on a corn and corn and corn alone day festival, but were ratted out by a mouse child and a flate. I believe it's because Hazel stole its pie. Bitsy's a new mouse friend that joins them because she was going to be kicked out anyway. Bitsy tells the story about a thumping box and an often injured apostle named guy. Heasel talks about stealing the diploma of Gordon Ramsey.

Peggy has magic and King George. I forgot about King George. Oh, I have. There's a giant monstrous fly, kind of remembering that, like, that insects and other type creatures are kind of the big, scary animals or monsters in this setting.

Screaming cicadas identify an intruder while they're asleep, a fox girl member of the Woodland Alliance. They help her avoid Officer Fuzz, the orange cat, and Inspector Jarvis, the English foxhound. Grumly tries to bluff. Fox Girl escapes and gives Booker a wooden acorn medallion. Peggy massacres the soldiers with a Molotov cocktail.

Hazel stabs one main coon. Booker insults Jarvis' relationship with his death. I forgot about that. That was a good one. Officer Buzz and Inspector Jarvis' Survivor Fleet. Grumly rescues a Calico Cat soldier that they burned. They arrived at clock crossing and spot the chain gang of prisoners with clunk the ram dragging them along.

They spot the Fox Girl is a prisoner. That was episode one. Yeah, good episode. Yeah, that was fun. How many episodes were there? Only seven. Grumley goes to a field hospital and click clock and drops off with the injured soldier. Grumley drops up with Head Nurse Juss, the brawny tony cat.

He calls himself Field Surgeon Brumley, and she believes him. Meanwhile, Booker books them at the Honeycombeen run by Bo the Badger. Bitsy gets their names wrong and gives Bo a wrong name for Peggy and Booker, but gives her own name. Benz is Hank. Peggy is Penny and Booker is Hank. Booker raised up pink needs for Aesel and Grubley. Aesel is Maple Nut Bar.

Grumly is Pugsley. That's so cliche. Bo was there when the rebels took sticker brush, the clearing that they dominate now. He seems to have some for PTSD. They learn that the prisoners will be executed. They learn about that there's a reward for killing a bearer. in the woods. They meet Nestor, the alcoholic duck. Nestor was going to be a chef for the

viceroy but Hazel stole his diploma. They started to be the execute. He executions caterers. That's right. That happened. That's right. The restaurant that they're going to be catering from it's called to dinner. And did someone say breakfast? What about lunch and lunch? That's where the joke came from. That's so old. It came from when we went to Anime USA, and there was that restaurant that was like, I can't even, you know it. Yeah.

Well, there was the restaurant that was like the, it was just a like kebab place, but they rebranded and just added, and did somebody say pizza? Yeah, it was like, it was like Jimmy's kebabs and did someone say pizza. Oh, it was called meatbox. Meatbox, it was even worse.

Meatbox, yes. And did somebody say pizza. That's amazing. Yeah. It was kind of too. I really. I wanted to order from there, but I just... Hazel gets a bag of stew.

They find Benji the bear, his eyes are bloodshot and looks in rage. Booker gets high on trunes. Benji is called by Booker's music and food. Benji says he sees ghosts in the forest, his friend Kaziah, a red bird with a large clume, appears and shoots Hazel's sack of stew. That's right. Uprored episode two.

Uproot episode three. Hazel and Peggy run away. They're captured as prisoners to be executed. because Zia was protecting Benji and believes he wanted her to fly. Her flu calms him. She had killed all the soldiers, very grisly, brutally, that were coming from Benji. Benji was banished from his tribe and grizzle Paul for making too small and gentle. Booker suggests they join the Woodland Alliance.

They make a small fake pelt with fur and the skin of dead soldiers. Back in ClickUp, they were given up a lot less money than promised due to the belt being small and taxes. That's right. That's right. They stiffed us. Fucking tax. Bitsy kicks the Turtle Town Cryer. They convince Nestor to be a chef again so they can break out the prisoners.

They go to Big Clickers General's door for supplies. Bitsy buys stationary and attempts to buy valium but receives diazepam. The bad review. That's amazing. I don't remember that one. It implies to be shredded. Booker forges a new diploma for Nestor. They proceed to become chef.

for the Viceroy's dinner with the prisoners. There's a montage. Booker spikes the Viceroy's portions. Hazel and Peggy are prisoners at the table. That's episode three. That's good episode. Uproot episode four. Peggy so distrust through the Marquisite guards.

Booker drugs clunks food. They release the prisoners. Grumly saves Nestor from the guards. Peggy dons a clown mask. Jean, the buff mouse slits the Viceroy's throat. That's right. The Alliance says to meet them in sticker brush. The palace on five.

and there's chaos in the street. Nestor goes with the Woodland Alliance. They go to the town government building. Reynolds, the government accountant Shrew, is chased off by the party and they steal as much gold as they can. They go to the apiary and kill the Queen Bee with a sad song about Crawdads. Peggy and Hazel collect some money.

That's right. They head to the river to catch a boat to Muckbed Creek via Wharlow. Oh, hold on. We should be doing this, right? The chicken cam? No, not the rest. Um. You know of you working like... They meet Scampi of the River Folk Company.

The prices are incredibly high, so they agree to do some work and return for a discount. They board the barge on their way to Whitmoredwellow. That was up in four. Uprooted five. On the barge, the party meets Jimothy and Jeremy, teenage opossum brothers. Their uncle Jimbo and Click Clock paid for their safe passage. Jimothy only hisses. Jeremy suggests a fight for money.

Peggy suggests a grease fighter. The opossums agree and put their grandfather's golden watch and three apple pies am. Bitsy eats nails. They convince the other travelers, notably a portly rabbit man, who bets a locket that his daughter gave him to bet against Bitsy. Grumley bets on Bitsy. Bidsey absolutely destroys Jimothy and they all think he's dead. Scampi tells Boker to deal with Jeremy.

To deal with him. To deal with him. That's right. He jumps up, steals Grumley's winnings, and they both jump up the barge. Peggy shoots a Molotov cocktail at the... Peggy accidentally invokes the name of the creeping crustaceans it. It kills Phil the Otter. Orville, the old drunk sea otter is aballed.

Booker tries to communicate with it and sacrifice the Foxfather Kane to it. But the other sever its claw and it sinks back into the river, Cain on harm. They plan to sell the big bad crawdadi claw and fort Wallow and give the otter's 20%. Hale discovers a severe food allergy. They dock and decide to go to Mayor Hamlet Toad and Peggy's sister Flies's house and attend their masquerade party and sell the Crawdad claw. Bitsy discovers a severe peanut allergy after buying one from Pete Nutt, a squirrel relative of Hazel. They meet Toadie, the perverse Butler Toad. Fliza is introduced as beautiful pregnant and wearing a classic English gown in mint green.

Angelico Croke has red and Peggy has yellow. Flaza feels in some way slighted by Peggy. That was episode five. Fliza is upset because Peggy spilled Wyman on the carpet. Everywhere has shag carpeting. Flaiza agrees to buy the claw for 10,000 gold pieces, but they have to get the money from her husband Hamilton. Bitsy has been taken to Dr. Victor Stein-Frankles

in the dungeon, I mean infirmary. Everyone is perverts in Whartwellow. They get a room with a closet for... They get a room with a closet for dignitaries who shit themselves. What? What does that even mean? A milling-side waterbed,

a chair-shaped like an egg, a blow-up couch, a mirror on the ceiling, a fron's leg lamp, and a small confection up. We really had to make. Why did we leave? What the hell?

They go down to the dungeon, I mean, the firm money to get to a city. It's dark and creepy with strange machinery. Dr. Victor Stein-Frankles is a turkey doctor and a big leather hood and goggles who eats jelly donuts and believes there are ghosts in Bitsy's blood.

Bitsy is cured with drugs. They go to get dressed up in costumes. Bitsy opts for the train to be Tomicina. Hazel goes for a sad clown which she gives a berry-juice smile. Peggy chooses Cleocatra. Grumly dresses an elephant. Booker wears a leather daddy costume.

They attend the party. They ask Alexander Hamilton for their pavement. He refers to them to the hurricane at Green Hummingbird. The hurricane pays them on the balcony. They spot torches in the distance. Booker informs the hurricane who promptly comes back covered in blood, having dealt with them. An assassination attempt was still made on the mayor, this one by the Riverfolk Company, who are paid off by some of the Marquis 8 higher-ups.

The attempt was stopped by the skinkertons. The mercenaries hired by Hamilton. The Riverville Company said that the parties were co-conspirators so the hurricane went to fetch them to hear their testimony. It was episode six. Jesus said, we're not done yet, folks. Episode seven, the party proves themselves innocent.

They antagonize the tied-up otters who stay with the stinker-tins and will either be killed or release to the dawn if he pays for them back. They come up with a plan to have Wort Wallow taken over by the Woodland Alliance and keep Mayor Hamilton in power as an alliance member. They believe they do this by

having their Hamilton write a pro alliance material under a pen name and put on a big play featuring both townspeople and alliance members Le Mouserables. With someone did fanler out. Hamilton begins writing and they cast Gromley as the lead, Bidsey as his daughter

Crocette. Fucking amazing. Peggy as a perverted innkeeper. Booker as the villain. And he Hazel as the bald dying mother. What? What's a smoking?

I've forgotten all of this. It's amazing. There's a guy with the voice of an angel working at scratchy dicks that they need to find. They need a fine to play for the idealized student. Bitsy gets shot by two arrows, catching one and throwing it back. It was the opossum brothers.

Bitsy captures Jeremy, who they decide will become a theater kid as much. Yeah. They deliver Jeremy to the hurricane, who they then cast as Peggy's wife and who begins reading Jeremy Bad Y.A. novels. They then go to the Wood Wizard, a beaver, to buy a stage. Oh, my God.

They decide the stage will be spun on child labor. They order a spinning stage and catamaran with Hamilton's money. The Wood Wizard must call his brothers from Grizzle Paul, where he grew up, Nagget and Yorbert, whom he had fallen out with over his lug, Love of Toboggans many years ago. Tobogans. They head off to find members of the Woodland Alliance

that attempted to take Fort Wallow the night before. They find many dead, many injured, and the rest grieving. Jean the Buff Mouse dies while Bitsy's rubbing polkas on him. But his last wish is to make Nestor the new leader of the island of the islands. Oh my God, I forgot about that. And it was when you had all returned from the town, that is when you went to Scratchie Dix. and you had a beautiful voice, heard a beautiful voice,

coming from scratchy dicks singing. That's right. So, what I would like from each of you, I would like for you all to guess, to think, what do you think probably has happened in the two weeks after that? What are some things that may have happened? What are you predicting as you have seen the Woodland Alliance.

I'm predicting that the Wood Wizard successfully created the circular moving stage that our band of Vagabonds requested. And we found all of the labor that we needed to operate it. And everyone was rehearsing and preparing for this amazing show. When in the days leading up to, the final dress rehearsal, the entire stage was actually very shoddly put together and collapsed, killing many. Causing basically, it was irreparable in the time frame that we needed.

The loss of life was too great. And the show was canceled before it ever began. Okay. That is absolutely something I would guess it has happened. That's really interesting. Okay. I like that. And I think after that there would be public outrage

And while the Woodland Alliance did not have enough support or arms to depose Hamilton, now all of the citizens of Wartwallow need someone to pay. So they round up a posse and they go to his house demanding blood. Yeah, it's true. That did happen. And we went to try and help them, even though Flaiza is pissed about the wine on the carpet. we still decided to help. And it was when we were there that this, you know, unruly fuck, who was going to go to our show,

watched our rehearsal and thought that we were shit and threw tomatoes at us. And Peggy got naked and angry and threw Molotov cocktails and them, starting a horrible forest fire. Oh. Fortunately, right at that same time,

there was a terrible storm. And even though there was a terrible storm, And even though there was a burning fire, the forest would have gone up and the entire town with it, had they not been adjacent to a lake. And a tornado happened to touch down right on the middle of the lake. A water spout. And a water spout crouched into the forest fire very fortuitously. And many are speculating that it was by influence of the mysterious deers in the woods protecting the trees that they so love and cherish.

But there is a cult, an otter cult. that believe there is some horrible dark entity that lurks beneath the waves that might have in that moment been trying to lay waste to the land. No one's short. We claim it for the waters themselves, and now this cult is sowing the seeds of distrust. Would you like to make more predictions? Sure, if you haven't won.

Yeah, so Nestor was promoted to the head of the Woodland Alliance for sure. Yeah. I can't quite remember if he had the resolve to kick his drinking habit, but I am certain that he became drunk with power, and probably also Sailor Jairies. Yeah. And fell off the wagon. That was a mention.

He's fallen off the wagon again, drunk with power and with actual booze. As he tries to lead this Woodland Alliance in a position that he's never had before. This is new to him, and he doesn't really know what he's doing. And even though he generally Mr. Magoos his way through things, this is a very important role he's been given and he's just trying to figure it out

which is why the stress has made him turn back to drinking again I think that that's really interesting yeah and in all of this it was really stressful Benny the bear is not dead right no he was showing up wasn't he most people aren't sure we know because he sent us a message in a bottle Benny has found a new life far away What?

Yeah, he has. Far away from this forest. He's made his way to the sea, and he's taken up a new name, Curvy Dave. He now lives out his life on a ship. Curvy Dave of vegetables. And water. And water. Yeah.

You all are sitting on... That was named Benji. Yeah, that one. That bear. Different bear. No, Benny did all that. This is Benny did all that. Benji still a member. Benji is sweet. Benny is a pervert, and he made his way to the ships.

That's right. All of that happened. As the beautiful singing voice that you had heard, it was the most beautiful angelic male soprano. You were moved to tears and singing at open mic night. was someone that none of you had recognized, except for Peggy. As mustard stains and all flottled from your past, was singing absolute beautiful poetry.

Oh, no. Sister Peggy. As you didn't manage to recruit him to play the idealist student, as all was looking well. The Wood Wizard, The Wood Wizard didn't have time. Although he had tried to reach out to his brothers, his brothers wrote back and said,

you are dead to us. Never contact us again. Can't believe it. And so, you never asked. He's the Wood Wizard. He's the Wood Wizard. That's all we know. T. Wood wizard.

As the Wood wizard decided he could no longer get help, and so he hired a bunch of contractors. Apparently we have AI generated experiment chat summaries on Twitch. Oh. So we have one. AI is letting new viewers know what's going on in the stream.

Viewers are commenting on the current stream with some recognizing that Peggy is back. And others joking about eating a dog raw. What? The good news is not even closed. Thanks, AI. We're losing our jobs today. Nice try, AI, nice try.

Not today. As, someday someone will best us, but it won't be you and it won't be today. As he outsources contractors and builds a, not a toboggan rotating device, but a stage that could ideally house hundreds of actors and spin around.

And you all, begin your rehearsals. However, Hazel gets terrible news. As Hazel is waiting for her four-minute close-up as she sings baldily into the camera. Baldly. She sings baldly into the camera. In one take. She it's who shows up to the theater but Pete Nutt. His hat in hand. Oh no. And Hazel said, oh no. No. Did Grandma Nut finally die?

And Pete Nutt said, no. Nothing can kill Grandma Nutt. Thank the Lord. But dis and dees, base jumping in Reckenoider Ridge. And they suffered a horrific accident. And the whole Nut family is gathering back home. Everyone feeling horrible regret.

regret for ostracizing them, and perhaps by proxily being responsible for the death of D's, by making them black sheep of the family. And so you lost the dying bold mother. Oh my God, were Diss and D's nuts stuck to the ledge? They were. They were.

They were. And they smashed together. Yeah. Oh. And was it torsion? Was it tors of. She's, the twins, were horribly killed as a funeral and family reunion of the Nut family was called back home in, I can't remember where she was from.

She was at Nookington. Nookington. And so she said she's sorry, but family comes first. And also, if Grandma Nutt's still alive, it means the best Bumbleberry nut pies you could possibly imagine. That's right. You never met missing a nut reunion. Knocking to. Nut pies at all.

As she leaves, and already, it's a disaster. The pressure has gotten to Nestor. He is not just drunk with power, but also drunk with many hotel bottles or airplane bottles of Sailor Jerry's

and various low-budget Canadian whiskey drinks. Naturally. Yeah, yeah. As he stacked... Canadian Club. Yeah, the Woodland Alliance, cleaning club.

Southern Comper. Yeah, yeah. The Woodland Alliance attempts to sober him up, but he hides them all over the place behind couches. And it's a problem. It's easy to hide.

Yeah, the very easy to hide. And the Woodland Alliance members are terrible. Alexander Hamilton is a terrible writer. You had so much hoping him. That's very shocking, actually. It's just second-rate fan fiction garbage. It's awful. And actually he put himself as a self-insert. He was actually a secret prince from a lost kingdom with two different colored eyes. He had magic. It was very cringe. But you went on after

you had to very quickly rewrite it after losing the bald dying mother. Because Hazel had no understudy. That's true. As you got to the night before opening night and your plan is coming to fruition and Jeremy is trying his best but he's just one child and this was meant to to work on the labor of at least four children if not doesn't and he's not as he's not one and unfortunately in a horrific accident the entire theater collapses Toboggin stage accident. Toboggan stage accident, the leftover toboggan parts

that the Wood Wizard had used, that his contractors had used, collapse in killing hundreds of Woodland Alliance members as the people of Wartwallow, and many people of the people of Wartwallow, it's a terrible accident, and you find in the wreckage

the broken body of Jeremy, the possum. Oh, no. And as you pick him up, Bidsey, you realize what was it all for? What was all the fighting for? This poor kid. And then he kicks you in the crotch, his his neck you and runs away. I hurt. Escaping once more.

As this, the next day, there's utter chaos. People want blood. They march on the house of Alexander Hamilton. and they can't believe what their tax dollars are going to. Going to the arts. People are starving. There's great war. There's a ton of problems.

And their tax dollars are going to pet projects so he can write a fan fiction. And perverts. And great lavish parties. Many perverts are executed in the street. Wow. Many perverts from the Hollywood. Many perverts attempt to flee back to the Hollywood. and leave the country of the dimwood,

but they are unable to get to their carriages. And it is, there is a revolution of sorts, but not at all what you all were hoping, as there are also rumors that the forces of the Marquisat that have been mustered by one bitter, hateful inspector, knowing that there was a hotbed in Whartwallow, is seemingly marching on the town now as the courage and the hopes

of the Woodland Alliance up this far north breaks. Nestor is ousted and kicked to the curb as the Woodland Alliance retreats back to Sticker Brush. Their only stronghold now in the dimwood. The plan is failed. Many more burvers are killed. Naturally.

But there are still so many more. You told me, the Pervers were home, and they were right. Wow. Wow. Okay, Derek, I see you. That's very funny. Jesus. As you realize now that there is utter chaos,

you realize now that there is utter chaos, as Alexander Hamilton has to flee along a fly and it is not long until you see the campfires of a marching army, marching down the road, coming in the direction of Wort Wallow, as in the chaos a terrible forest fire ignites, and perhaps burns a great deal of this Marquis-odd army, as they seem to retreat, at least temporarily,

saving, perhaps buying some time, as the great storm arrives, a mysterious cyclone, strange whispers about a great fish monster that perhaps is bringing doom to curse and get revenge and smite the perverts from the Hollywood and all of the elites of Whart Wallow for their hedonism, for their debauchery, for their lavishness,

as you all hear strange whispers of this great fish being, this monstrosity, this fish-like creature, known as Knight Here. Yeah. As what? Night here. As you hear the whispers of this horrible Eldrish God, and realize that this shit is fucked. You take the catamaran

that miraculously the Wood Wizard has built for you. And you manage to shove off the docks and make your way to the lake that connects Whartwallow and Muckbed Creek. as you have left this clearing, far worse than where you found. You were unsure if the burned and devastated, the burned and devastated army of the Marquis Ateau will return.

You know, I was trying to figure it out. Me too. I was like, I was like day where, day there. I was like day there. Wow. I didn't have it. I didn't have it. I was like, there's something there and I can't figure out what it is.

I was like, day away? It's NYT, apostrophe, H-I-R. I was thinking was like, did, was he trying to say knight her and I just mispronouncing, it's day man? You hear a love voice. That's coming from the lake. That's very good. Consume.

That's very fun. As you are on the catamaran, is there anything else you would have liked to do. The loose ends that you had, as you know, that flies up and you are on the catamaran now. I would say you are half a mile from shore. The wind has picked up. You see the smoke billowing from the wreckage

of the remnants of the forest fire. You see the wreckage of where the cyclone had come in and the storm, the burning of the Wharckwalo homes. The mansion wasn't totally destroyed, but it definitely caught fire and took some damage. As you have no idea what happened to Tody. You're unsure if he's living or dead. He's alive.

You know that Scampi... That's terrifying. He's out there. That Scampi had been held by the Skinkertons, perhaps to be ransomed by the dawn of the Riverfoe Company. And you know that Alexander and Flaiza were not found by the rioters in Wardwallow. You know that Jeremy, you have no idea where Jimothy disappeared into the night. And the Wood Wizard was left a broken beaver, begging for redemption, and begging for his family. And you think, wow, we should have gotten with Hazel.

A one chance to be free from all of this. Is there anything else that you would like to have done in Whartwallow, as this all had happened? Anything that you'd like to... Not me. I'm guessing we didn't get our 10,000 gold for the claw. Hell, that was all spent on the catamaran and the... That's right. And what you call it?

And the stage. That collapsed terribly. Bitsy would have briefly taken the time to compete in and win in a spelling bee. That's all. Bidsey, you have your blue ribbon with a little bumblebee on it. That's very funny. And I'm sitting in one of the catamaran chairs. All of them are refashioned toboggan chairs.

That's very funny, too. It's a catamaran made of toboggins. Here we go. There's nothing that I would like to do. I'm good. Do we know if Hamilton made it? They don't know. We know that they fled.

That's all we know. Okay. That flies off. Did flannel make it? We hope not. I was. He died. There were many, there are many missing from the terrible wreckage.

Presumed dead. Presumed dead. Donald was missing, presumed dead. And we all survived. We were fine. And you all survived. It was a miraculous. Actually, you all had, everyone was, was, was, it was the final night of the rehearsal when, when Hazel got the news.

And you decided to all walk with Hazel outside from the stage for a very tearful goodbye. Wow. Unbelievable. And you watched her walk away and leave with Pete Nutt. As he sadly said, Nud's with the prize inside. And you saw, yeah, and you saw an in memoriam dis and d's, died at the young age of a 42. As you saw him in a little, he brought his cart with him

as Hazel was munching on the peanuts. Are we sure we want to let it go with that guy? He's given off creepy uncle, What I just met, right? I'm getting right in this. No, I guess we're on the barge. I won't know if you're on the barge. You can talk about it, happen in the past.

You are all on the barge. If there's nothing left that you'd like to do, you're about a half mile offshore of Whartwallow. I would be standing at the back of the barge, holding onto a line, looking at the smoke, the absolute travesty, the destruction that we've left behind. And I'll look back over my shoulder

of the rest of the group and say, Wow, what a crazy two weeks that was. I know. It's been like two Thursdays since the universe was created. Things are getting weird. Pretty crazy. The history books are going to remember this forever. Just like the dance of dragonflies, this is going to be known as the spludge of the perverts. Oh, gosh.

It reminds me of that song from that musical. I can't get it out of my head. Perverts in the house, underneath the house. Outside the house, there's a bunch of them. Oh, gods, don't remind me. What musical is that from? Well, that's from them mouse around, so am I just making that up. Remember that terrible musical that Hamilton wrote?

Oh, I was really, I was constantly inspecting the stage. They gave it the landlord special and look at what happened to it. That was your song. You were supposed to result in that song. Oh, my gosh. I'm pretty sure. Weren't she the keeper of the inn? Yeah, it was the perverted innkeeper, yeah.

Yeah, you sing the house to the house of pervert songs. Thank God that tobogging stage, Bella Buck because I didn't know any of my life. Hamilton was really laying and on thick. I mean, if I had a bunch of perverts in my mansion, I don't think I'd go about singing about it. Those people died so fast. I remember when it was spinning so fast it just lifted off and then spun forward like a saw blade. Cut in the audience and tweed them. And then the fire and the water spout and the rain and it's unbelievable.

Oh yeah, and then night there. The night here. Do you think that's true? The stories? Anything is true. I don't know. There were a lot of, there were a lot of cultists, and I can't imagine you'd have that many cultists believing in the same thing,

unless, especially artists, unless it was real or they'd seen something. Because, I mean, we're out in the middle of the lake. Wow, I get known. You think night here is right here? There could be an Eldridge fish guard right below us. Do you think that we're going to make it to our destination? Hold on. Well, we could look through one of the holes.

We should have got it. We're going to make it. We could look through one of these holes in the toboggan catamaran and see if we see anything. Excuse me, Pervert. Can you stop looking through the hole so I can. can see down into the water. Thank you. You hear shuffling, as you do know that there is actually a,

this is a pretty large catamaran. It's almost like the size of a catamaran yacht. And for the shabby quality of the stage, this is shockingly nice, presumably because it reminded the Wood Wizard of a toboggan that he put a lot more effort into it. Ah, gods are like termites. Do you see a knot here down there?

Oh, could you turn? Turn around. Okay, thanks. Sorry, his little sausage was in the way. Um, no. Oh, that's my portal. All right, right. Um, you know, I don't.

The water's kind of murky. It's a little bit brown. Oh, no. Look, anything is possible, especially given the last two weeks. If I had a gold piece, if I have a crazy thing that happened to me, I have a lot of gold pieces,

and I'm not saying I wouldn't not bet on there being a night here. That's all I'm saying. Oh, God. I have a phobia event. That's understandable. It's pretty terrified. Oh, no. If we ever run into a member of the Illuminati, we can ask them.

They'll know for sure. Do you think it's possible that those cultists are part of the Illuminati? I mean, illuminate, night here. Come on. That's just what they want you to think. I'll bet it's totally unrelated. Oh. All right.

Where are we going anyway, and who's steering this thing? Oh, I don't know. I thought you were in. Are you supposed to be in control as that? I'm the very back of the boat. I thought you were scared. I don't know. I drew a boat once, and that's where I put the wheel. Fair enough. I'm standing with my leg up on the gunw and I have like a few lines in my hands.

I don't know what to do with any of it is. You realize that you've been going in circles for the past two hours. We just keep heading north like this. We'll make it eventually. Do we know that the river flows to the south? Yes. Okay. You're now in the lake, there's a large lake that this kind of flows into, there's one that flows in and one that flows out. I don't think we want to head back north.

That's what we came from. And things were not looking so good up there either. So do we have an idea of where we want to go? I think we follow the river south. I can't quite remember which crossing is below us. I'd like to try to remember. Wait, Booker, you don't remember your own home crossing of Muckbed Creek? It's been so long.

I hit my head a few times. The privets slapped me around. I don't remember. You're going to go home, isn't that great? I would like to attempt to remember what the universe looks like. And that's right. I'm from Buckbed Creek. That's a great idea because we've already dealt with my family.

It's somebody else's turn to screw up their home. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, I don't really think my family might even be there anymore. I left a long time ago. Probably not, but you never know. I've been gone a long time and who knows. That would make me really worried because Hazel just left us because her family's dying. We're leaving because my family's dying.

Well, I mean, I don't think my family's dying, but who knows? You know, find out more when we get there. They might not even be there anymore. They might have, you know, picked up roots like I did and took off and went to go see what was going on in the rest of the woods. That's weird. Oh, I hope it's not family, deaf. I have a phobia of them. Oh, boy.

Well, grumly buckle up. Oh, geez. Do you have any family grummy? Who? Do you have any family grummy? Family grummy? Is that just like regular family? No, do you have any family?

Do you have any brothers and sisters? Are your parents okay? I never asked. Oh, I don't mean interrupt. What do you think his name is? Grummy. Grummy. That's pretty close.

Not bad. I think that's pretty close. Not bad. Grummy. Maybe that could be like a nickname. It's one letter shorter. I can't be called grummy. My name's bixie.

Your name's grummy. It'll be all confusing. I can be grummy. But you don't want to be grummy. No, you're grummy. Oh, I'm grummy. All right. I can be grummy.

I don't know how my family is. I left at a very young age. I was conscripted into the, into the military. and we crossed the ocean and we came here. That was a long time ago now. That was the brakes. I hope me mum's okay.

What about your family, Betsy? I don't have any family, really. I just lived alone in my hutch in Potsville. I don't really remember if I had any parents. I don't have any brother and sisters neither. I mean, you would know you made all of this. Yeah, but. But before your hutch, what was your soul doing?

Well, I was just making like poultices and stuff. That's all I did. Would you learn how to do that? I just went around in the forest and started mixing stuff up together. Eventually, people said, hey, that's pretty good. So I pushed it into their wounds. And eventually, they stopped dying. Pretty impressive, yeah.

I still got a bunch right here. I managed to scavenge up a bunch right before we got on this cataraman. The cataraman. And then you think back to the time when you confronted the little cat girl and her lemonade stand. And that's where it all changed. And you realize that the people of Potsville didn't. know the difference between lemons and lemon juice. You're filled with indescribable rage.

This kept shouting at him. Huh? What are you talking about? You didn't understand. You've been silent for like three minutes. What? Oh, she might be having an episode. Oh, no. Everybody back up.

You're shouting at who? Nothing, nothing. You're red in the face. Yeah, well, I was thinking about stuff. Why don't you tell us about it? It'll make you feel better. Look at that vein in her forehead. Why don't you come lie over on this couch? I'm going to go ahead and get this clipboard.

Tell me what's on your mind, Bixie. Well, it all started. I was at a lemonade stand. And she was talking about making lemon juice out of lemons. Who was she? Well, this young little cat who was making and selling lemonade. She said she got the lemon juice from lemons. And I told her that was horseshit, so I put her.

over the stall and I spilled all the juice. That was a shame. How did she react to that when you pushed over the stall and spilled all the juice? Well, she called a bunch of people over and they got all mad. At who? That me. How did that make you feel? I felt guilty and a little powerful because I did it.

Was this the first time you killed someone? No, I didn't kill anybody. All right. Your Honor, that's called Leading the Witten. Your memories from this time, are they fairly clear? I think so. So what happened after that? Well, everyone started pushing me around and telling me that I was crazy and I didn't know

where lemon juice came from and I started punching people and kicking people and running and then they said we didn't want you to live here no more and that they were going to take the hutch back because it was It wasn't really... I live in, like, residence anywhere. It was just a little thing. I called a hutch. And there was crazy, too. That was insane, I said...

Wait a minute. What are the chances that they found the basement of your hutch, and then they opened up whatever was in the container down there? You started to tell us, and then... I don't know what happened to that. That story stopped. I don't know what happened. They could have found it.

They could have found the secrets to the universe. Is that bad? Well, they don't have the key. So they can't open it? No, but they could have it. Interesting. One of these days we should go back there. You have the key to it?

I do. Don't show anyone, okay? Okay. I don't want to see it. So what happened after they told you that you don't belong here anymore and that's, you can't live in that hutch? That's not yours. What did you do then? I said that I would have to leave if that was their attitude and opinion and that they were being very impolite.

And did you leave? Yeah, I turned around and then you guys were to stand. right there, so I started running with you guys. And then it was two days later we realized that you were with us. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was on Corn and Corn Alone Day, wasn't it? Seems like so long ago.

Remember, that was so nice. Hazel truly loved Corn and Corn Alone Day. What was that conversation you were having about the lemonade? I was talking to the cat, and she was saying about making lemonade, and she was saying about how lemon juice came from lemons, and I said that just doesn't make any sense. Okay. I have everything that I need in your folder.

Wait, Booker. Yes. Do you happen to know the frequency or incidence rate of boating accidents? Who's driving this thing, by the way? None of us. It's just you're milting the sail in the yard is completely turned. This seems like the perfect storm to potentially run into a boating accident type situation. I look around. Are there any other vessels anywhere near us?

I would say that you see some kind of dotting, you know, probably a quarter mile away, some fishing. As you look across the lake, you see very distant toward the horizon. This is an enormous lake. The lights of Muckbed Creek. As you see that there are plenty of fishing and clamming vessels, not too far off the coast of that crossing, but around you it doesn't look like it's lightly,

but, you know, quarter miles not too far. Well, I don't think we're going to run into anything, but I suddenly don't know how to steer this thing. I've never driven a boat in my life. I'm going to knock on the floor. Perverts, are any of you guys capable of steer in a boat? Oh, no. Make a...

Oh, shit, I need dice. Yeah. Make a perception check. Booker, why are you looking at me? It's called a Captain Moran. Or a dog of Moran. You're the only one that. that's even capable of driving anything like this.

Wow. You said perception? Persuasion. Oh, persuasion. Oh, perception. We'll get there. Oh, 22. You knock down at the cargo hole that had been preloaded

by the Wood Wizard. He had been kind of rattling off what he had left you and he was very proud of it, but you weren't really paying attention on account of people were being very brutally hanged from the statue. Hungmed. Oh, yeah, hung. The perverts were hung. Yeah, some in the assless chaps.

They were saying, I have very powerful friends in the Hollywood, and it meant nothing. It meant little and less. It meant little and less to the angry mob as you somehow avoided it. But you can hear, as you hear, snoring as you are knocking on

the hatch down to the deck below, the cargo hold, as I believe this playlist has probably run out, and I don't know how to... Playlist tired. Very funny. As you knock Booker, whoever would have the last correspondent of Benji, you hold a...

Probably a grommelin, right? Or Booker. Probably Booker. Booker. I think Booker developed a... Booker. Nice relationship. You pull out that same, the letter, the terribly spelled

letter that has a crudely drawn picture of Benji and Kiziah on a sailboat of their own, letting you know that they thought that the Woodland Alliance was cringe and lame, and that they were going to Drake Smith

to become sailors. And Benji was considering so his family wouldn't find him, changing his name to perhaps Dave, please workshopping. I see.

Wow, hey, that's wild. They even use the word cringe. It's right in there. Unbelievable. Okay. And you hear the snoring as... I'm trying to wake up the pervert downstairs.

Do we need to? I think we just have Rumley trying to drive this thing. I don't think we need to wake up the pervert. Half a Grumley's face is lilting to the side and he's drooling on himself. And he keeps sitting down and rubbing his ass along the deck and then complaining he keeps.

keeps getting splinters, so I don't know about you, but there's chickens falling from the ceiling and I don't trust the dog. Half of my face is dripping? Oh my god, isn't that a symptom of something? That's a symptom of a lot of things. How do I look? You look beautiful, Grumley.

You've looked better, but you know, hey, what can you know? Why's that happening? You notice how his eyes just randomly start veering to the side and go crooked? Yeah. Is this the dog we chose? But why? You know what? I chose him. I trust him.

He can do it. I believe in him. He can do a lot of things. I don't think sailing his ship is one of them. Well, he's our best bet. It ain't going to be me. But there's a sleeping pervert downstairs that might have some seafaring weights. I prefer to leap the berber. Don't do it. Let sleeping perverse lie. I don't do it.

None of you understand the weight of duty and responsibility. That's right. We don't. No, that's true. But I'm going to need a second mate in the event of a medical... So we still need to wake up the pervert downstairs. No, I nominate Booker. As your second? As my first mate.

All right? Which means if I fall overboard and sink to the bottom. Oh, well, yeah, I don't know if I'll be able to save you. Or if I die of a medical event. Well, then you would need Bitsy and her poultice. And quite frankly, if you fall in, I'm a frog. I can jump in and get you. That's right.

She can swim very well. Have you seen how much armor I have on? Yeah, but when I take my clothes off, I'm incredibly speedy through the water. Okay, I'm gonna just have faith that you can do that. And I got your back. I'll be the first mate. You tell me what to do.

I can do this. You might want to wake up further. I'll go up and I'll, like, is there a sail? Yeah, it's a single mass and sailing catamaran. Given that I've sailed across the ocean before, and I've been on these big ships with, you know, I've been on sailing ships and near harbors and stuff. I'm going to, like, just with no actual knowledge, I'm going to try to, like, take the lines and, like, billow the sails and try to, if there's, like, a wheel or a rudder, just do my best to kind of fake it. I would say make an athletics check.

Or water vehicles check using strength. It's a nine. Grumley's not having a good time, though. It takes about ten minutes. and Grumbly is tied up in the ring. Look, I hate to say it, but seriously, who has more experience with semen but the pervert? Well, if you want to deal with that, that's all you,

and I'm trying to get him out of the radio. This is really hard, I need help, please. I'm helping, I'm helping. Stop moving so much. The bean spins around. Oh, oh, oh, oh, grumly all right? Are you okay? Oh, no, oh no.

I'll get you down, hang tight, oh boy. And I'm just working on getting Grumbley out of the rigging. I'll help. Please wake up. We need you. Forever. Make a persuasion check. Wow, 51.

Oh. And you just hear, all of you now hear the really loud snoring of perhaps a stowaway beneath the board. You're unsure of, you do hear some perhaps light skittering below. You're not sure if it's a bilge sand flea. or if it's several perverts. But there is someone sleeping beneath the deck. We could have an entire crew of sexual deviance

if someone would just go down and deal with this. None of that seems even remotely like a good thing. And I'm just trying to get them down. What don't you go to it, Peggy? I've been trying. I've been pounding on the deck and then I'll wake it up for me. I don't think I'm that tight.

Well, there's some stairs right here. Why don't we both go down? Will you go first? Sure, why not? Because we're walking into a tent of perfect in the dark. I got my punching fist right here. They give me any sauce. I'll give them a good punch right in the butthole.

They might like that fizzy. Oh. Wait, Peggy. Put on the mask first. They might be into that. Make a slight of hand check, poker. Oh. To see how well I should probably pull my character.

Beautiful, 21. Yeah, you're able to get, with a little bit of effort, you're able to get Grummer out of the rigging. Oh, you're out of the rigging. All right, there you go. Come on down. Easy does it. Don't do so much, you know, twisting and flailing next time. It's more of like a bull and bush kind of thing. You think I'll have a concussion?

Probably. Oh, make sure I don't go to sleep. Okay. Will you keep me up, Booker, please? You feel very sleepy. Yes, I'll keep doing. I'll keep doing. I'm tired, Bucking. No, no, no.

I don't have a spray bottle. Wake up. This bargain feels bad. Stay away. Are you spitting on me? Yeah, I don't have a spray bottle. Aim for my fur. That's around my arm, I barely.

Oh, there we go. I feel it. Oh, stay awake. You've been drinking a lot of milk, huh? The perfect is definitely wake up for this. I don't know. It's like a lullaby. No! No! Stay awake!

All the pheromones, they have to. We have to go down there. But we can't just leave them like this. Nope, nope, I got it. You got this. You got that. I'll handle this. Go do what you have to do. Don't you go to sleep on me! Not yet, he looks like he's got the sleep away. Grummy tired. You stay behind me. They respect me ever since I muted their leader. Yeah, let's go when I fix my mast.

my face. I'm going to steadily walk into the shadows, get underneath and into the heart of the catamaran. You're doing a self-way? I would try to go down to not alert anyone that we're coming down until I've gotten a chance for my eyes to adjust and to get a sense of what's happening down there. Too late. I would say make a self-check. Both of us? Yeah. Oh gosh. I think that's a 21. 21. That's a hot 13.

A 13. You melt into the darkness, Bixie. You almost kind of slink along the walls like at the end of Redisarian. Make your way down.

As Peggy, however, is not so quiet. As her frog feet, you hear the clattering of dozens of glass bottles. Oh, yeah. All right, we know who this is. As you hear the...

As he's rolling and skittering and rolling, as Peggy's feet kick dozens of tiny bottles on the ground. What the hell are these chaltrops? What are they? You look and you see a small bottle of Canadian Goose Club. Canadian Goose Mist. Canadian Goose Crown. What the hell is?

is Vue. All of these labeled not for resale. I don't know. As you hear the snoring very loudly in the barrel towards the corner of this. However, as soon as Peggy clicks all of these bottles, you hear a skittering and a,

as you see a bunch of shapes kind of skitter out as various flaps and portals open and splashes in the floor. What's it? I think the perverts might have scattered. Oh, no. Now there's no one on this ship experienced with semen. Quiet, you hear that?

What? Oh, this new one, there's still one pervert left. I'll get them. And it is in the barrel that is marked rum. I'm going to walk up and very quietly peek over the rim of the barrel and peer inside to see if the contents are still rum end person or just person? The rum is gone. As you see that there, at first

looks like a barrel, a recycling bin of tiny airplane bottles. You see some labels with prices from a big cluckers general store. However, this barrel of small bottles moves. As you see the green and white and brown feather

of a mallard duck as you hear these snoring as you very clearly see Nestor Zappa, passed out, drunk and the reek of alcohol hits your nostrils immediately as you look into this bag. Oh gosh.

Pett gets that duck guy. Which one? And so the one that was all like, you know, the one, that duck guy. We've met a lot of ducks. Well, you know, he was all like, Oh Yeah

Yeah Kind of a lisp Don't they all I guess Well I'm gonna wake him and see if he knows how to sail Is that cool? That's why we came down here, Bidsey He says

As Nestor cries out As the bottle Yeah Yeah, yeah, Nestor. As you see Peggy now, a duckhead kind of emerge, open these large bloodshot eyes. All he sees is my clown mask

slowly rising up over the rim of the rum barrel. Oh, surely it's not the vengeful spirit of Sean. My name is Betsy. Nestor, are you okay? You look rough, buddy. Nest, how many fingers am I holding up? Oh my god, oh, sure.

He dives in as he sees the clown mask, as he dives back into the barrel. Bottles of empty glass bottles fly out as he dives back in as you smell the reek of Canadian goose club. He seems scared and also hung over. That's how he always is. Hey Nest, we need someone to sail.

Do you know how to sail? Oh, John, is that you? No, it's Bitsy. And Peggy. It's the vengeful ghost of John the mouse. He's very muscular. No, I don't think that he's with us here right now. Oh, he suffered such a gruesome shotgun.

It's also like daytime, so if he was going to come out, it'd be way later. It's much brighter upstairs on the deck where you could steer the ship. You think the ghosts had come out later? I mean, that's when ghosts come out. I'm wallowing in my failure down here. Well, do you think you could wallow in your failure up there? Not only was I failed, I failed to be a chef. I also failed to be a violent revolutionary.

And that's the easiest job on the planet. You can succeed at being a navigator, a shipperson, a captain. I think it's time for me to use some of my magic. Okay. Nesta, I suggest that you come upstairs and learn to fail at something else. Wow. You are so good. No one is better than you at failing at things.

What better to fail at than failing at sailing. And the way you fail at sailing is to succeed at sailing. So why don't you come upstairs? and man this ship and get us to where we need to be, and then you will have failed, and failing and failing, you know what I mean? The first step to success is, is failure. Failing.

Yeah. How does suggestion work? Make a wisdom saving grow. Yeah. It's concentration up to eight hours. I've got it right here. On a failed save, they pursue the course of action that you described the best of its ability.

Oh, all right. I guess you're right. I roll the natural three. Yeah, that'd be a fail. Okay. Fine. I think it's really going to work out for you. And I think you could use soapurn up a little bit.

You know, Grumley's upstairs spitting, or Brooke is upstairs spitting on Grumley, so that's something. Still? No, you know, you're all dried out. Stay away? I'm still tired. Don't let me go to sleep, please. You can do it, stay awake! Oh, okay.

Yeah, hold on, saying. There was a lot of, like, clapping sounds earlier. Oh, yeah, but you don't have to worry about that anymore. The perfect jump ships. I think there's some other guns around here. I don't know how they made it through them portholes. They're awfully slippery. Those portholes are a little bit small, don't you think?

small, don't you think? Yeah. They looked like they were whittled out of the wood by hand. Oh, they were a little flippery. Guys, it sounded like it with some clapping. I don't know what's going on. Okay, we're gonna go sail right now. Yeah, yeah.

You wanna help me just roll this barrel up the stairs? Sure, just one minute. No, run over and I'll get a ladle and pour some water into a cup. Drink this, it'll help. You spilling it. You spilling it. Water going everywhere.

We don't have much more. Fresh water, we're gonna die if you waved it like this. Hold on. Hold on, hold on. Oh, oh, he's my cr-hand. I go over and look at the barrel that Bitsy's getting the water from, and it's not a barrel of water. It's a bucket used for sanitary purposes.

Oh, mama, that's good shit. And it was, in fact, the good shit. Oh, beautiful. Okay, let's go stale. All right, I'll help push up this barrel. Go on, get up there, get. Do you remember the looks of all those people

when the theater came down? Do you remember the extreme of pain? As parents and children died together. I'll never forget. Oh, yeah, and family and friends and the revolution died as quickly I saw a mom and her son all cut in half, but their legs had flipped over and it was actually quite comical.

But it was real sad, though. Oh, yeah, I remember that too, actually. You saw that? Yeah, I was right there. Oh. I was right there. I was looking for replacement for the bald dying mom in the close-up.

Mr. It's not your fault. It's not your fault, mister. Oh, really? It's not your fault. So when I... It's the most clarity bids he's over at it. So when I took it upon myself to serve as the safety inspector and promise everyone that it was very, very safe in decode.

That was you? Yeah. Well, that was your responsibility. What? At least I can learn how to sail or something. There's a lot of thoughts. about sailing. You know they say it's like 1700 somewhere. Okay, he walks, climbs himself out of the barrel and he walks up. Holy crap, it's Nesta. Brunley

look! Oh! What are you doing here, buddy? I thought you died in the crowd! Oh, I I died well before that. I thought for sure that the revolutionaries were just gonna Take your head off as soon as you, you know, start to lose control of the Woodland Alliance. Yeah, I think, I think actually, because they were, they were going to kill me. And then I was just like, oh, well, please, please, please, please, I'll kill me. I have a phobia, bad. Oh, weird, Southern Broadway. Yeah.

And then they said, oh, this guy, killing this guy would be a mercy. So we'll let him live out the rest of the years. Just as yourself? Wow. Yeah. And that's the worst person. punishment for this sad fact. This whole time I thought you died a heroic

death of a martyr. I was really impressed by his sobriety. It looks like that's out the window. Oh, no, yeah. This is way worse. And everything started going to shit. A whole big clucker had a fire sale. Literally

was on fire. Oh my goodness. What is faster. Buy it. Oh, buy it. Buy it. Ah. Oh, oh. Buy it.

I also got some Dias a PAM. You hear a voice from the bottom. Diasapam. D-I-A-Z-E-P-L. You got any more of that bucket slop? Hold on, I'm moving a barrel. OK, I'm here to help you. Oh, you're here to help us.

Oh, you're going to sail the boat. You know how to sail a boat? You're going to be the captain. Oh, man, leadership works fine for before. Well, that certainly can't be any worse than we're currently in. I'm forfeit my duty. Ah, I don't mean too. In shame and dishonor.

We're gonna let this one ride. We're gonna see how this shit's up. Booker will be your first mate. I'll do it again. I'll do it again. He's very nimble and he's good at singing sea shanties. Oh, I know sea shanty too. That's true.

Consider this my formal letter of recommendation. I'm gonna go take a nap now. A barrel steadily makes its way up the stairs. and rolls onto the top floor. The deck, thank you, Jesus. The top floor of the boat. And then rolls to one side, up against the guardrails and Bitsy is at the top of the stairs.

Do that, Peggy. Well, I thought Nesta was gonna stay inside of it, so I thought the only way to get him up here was to roll the barrel up here, but then he got out and drunkenly walked up the stairs, and I forgot to tell you not to bring the barrel up. Shoo. You want me to bring it back down?

No, you can leave it up there, but I think Nesta wants that a bucket full of piss and shit, so if you want to bring that upstairs. Is that what that was? Yeah. Oh my gods, what were they doing down there? Leave it down there. Who's pissing shit is that? Oh yeah.

I think the perverts were using it. I think there was some other guys tell me. Yeah, there were a bunch of perverts. They were hiding. They're stowaways just like you. Yeah. calcumie down there. And those trees in Pennsylvania.

Is that what all the captain noise was? Yeah, I thought, I thought, I thought that they were, like, maybe like doing silent poetry and plotting each other with a skill with rhyme and, and, and, and, and birth. That's a nightmare. And that's where one. Is that you know. I choose to drown myself.

In the bucket? No, Bucke, doesn't know how to swim. I just jump overboard. This podcast is brought to you by, uh, Legends of Aventras Patreon. Become a patron today at patreon.com slash Legends of Aventris and gain access to tons of exclusive Legends of Aventris perks,

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Thank you from Legends of Aventrys. You are in the lake. Probably closer to Whartwellow. You're closer to Fort Wallow. You're just off the coast. And it's a huge lake. It's like, you know, it's an enormous lake. These are all like basically.

It's a crossing-sized lake, right? Yeah, yeah. And you are off the coast of Wirtwallow. You know that Hazel went back to Nookington for the funeral and the family reunion. You all had been in Potsville. You started this campaign in Potsville running away from that. You had then gone to Click Clock Crossing

and gotten involved with the... Hold on. So in the woods between Click Clock and Potsville, that's when Peggy killed all the Cat soldiers. Then continue. We're in Click Clock. And you're in Click Clock, you were in Click Clock. You got mixed up with the Wet Rebel Alliance,

the Woodland Alliance, which is the Rebel Faction. The Vice Roy who ruled over it was brutally murdered by Jean, the Mouse. And it was chaos that had been put down, but many of them escaped into the woods to lead a revolution on Whart Wallow. You made your way down the river, dealt with the, you know, we did the summary down there,

but there's basically chaos there now, as it seems if the army that had been in Click Clock made pass through Nookington and was basically coming from the west to put a stop to it, but the forest fires seem to have delayed them. You know that, and so you had been entirely in Marquisot, the empire of cats from the foreign land,

the foreign land that had conquered most of this woodland. But you know that Muckbent Creek, is controlled by the Erie. And the Erie dynasty is the original rulers of the Dinwood. They are predominantly ruled by birds, and they rule over Muckbed Creek, O'Kex Hollow, and there is a small outpost at Drake Smith that they rule. It's very difficult to get in and out.

It's a lot easier for the Erie and their birds to fly in and out because it is a very strong. swamping. And you know that sticker brush is a woodland alliance control clearing where there had been an extremely violent and brutal uprising. So they've displaced all the birds of cats. They displaced all of the cats, all of the park. And so basically that's also very difficult to get to. Because the sticker brush and Drake Smith are kind of like the more remote clearings of the woodland, of the dim one. Um, I think that's it. You know that Benji's heading to Drake Smith? because this is the coast, right?

The ocean. I think you knew, and I was, what I'll also say is I think that you'd probably heard that some of the wealthy or some folks that were fleeing were fleeing to Reckanoiter Ridge, which is a bit more, it's controlled by the cats, but is a bit more, less under the thumb of the cat guards and a little bit less of the military presence. people trying to lay a load there. People were also escaping on boats to Muckbed Creek. There were plenty of boats that made it out, but you were a little bit late, given your, you kind of wanted to wait and see what happened. And that is the situation that you find yourself in.

As you run the boat, as Nestor, drunk, hungover, it's hard to tell, as he's drinking the bucket slop. Jesus Christ. on the hail All right Well I suppose we get back into it

Yeah Nestor you feel all right You ready to sail this thing Oh yeah I'm Kevin now Come on buddy we're gonna need your focus You're a natural born leader Jean saw it And the rest of us do too

Oh I feel John Well that's in the past You gotta put it behind you We need you to focus on the boat We need to focus on sailing In his last moment. Peggy gave you a directive. You got to follow it.

In his last moment. Yeah, he suggested it to you. That's right. I heard it from all the way up here. Oh, wow. I rolled the disadvantage and I rolled very well. Okay, I was going to say, if you need a little inspiration,

we might be able to, you know, get you a little bit going here. 17 and off is a good job. Uh-oh. That's pretty good. It is pretty good, but are we worried? Are we scared? We can maybe...

It's up to you if you want to beef it up. I think we do. I think... What's really up to you? It's your class feature. Look, it's one of those things where, like you said, I know a sea shantier too, and I think you might know some of the lyrics too. Oh, if it's one of the ones you've taught me already. I think if we sing a couple of verses together,

we might be able to give old Nestor an extra 1D6 here with some Botic Inspiration. Oh, yeah, yeah. We used to sing songs of Revolution. Well, this one's not really about the revolution. It's more about getting us safely where we've got to go, and I need you to focus, all right? Now they're just empty chair that I'm. empty tables. Oh, geez, here we go. Oh, my friends, my friends, forgive me.

That I live and you are gone. Man, that's really good. I got to write that down. This guy's a poet. Is it more? Empty chairs and empty tables. Where my friends will sing no more. This is really good. Run, just can.

Do you think I can steal this and nobody will know that he runs over, if he could, he's a green head. He looks very green. He runs over and pukes all over the catamaran. All right, we'll wait till he's done and we'll give him the inspiration he needs. I mean, it's not completely unexpected he was drinking some pervert urine.

Oh, I don't know what? I'm not gonna ask. I'm gonna wait till he's done and then we're gonna get this ship going, all right? Okay, I'm back. Okay. Are we thinking now? Nesta, are you ready?

Yeah. All right, all together now. Here we go. What are we doing? We're gonna sing a sea shanty to get him. inspired. Why he's screaming at me? Because you should pay attention.

I was paying attention. Nesta was puking over the side of the boat. I'm sorry I'm not worried about sea shanties right now. I think you just need a little bit of Canadian goof dry. All right, you guys joining on the choruses. I got the other stuff, all right? Here we go. All right.

Farewell and ado to you, what, waltow ladies. Farewell and ado to you, ladies of wot. for we've received orders for to sail for old muckbed and we hope very soon we shall see you again we'll rant and we'll roar like true muckish sailors we'll rant and we'll roar all on the salt seas until we strike soundings in the channel of old muck bed from click clock to draysmith is thirty-five lead

then we hove our ship too with the wind at southwest boy We hove our ship to our soundings to sea Then we rounded and sounded got 45 fathoms Then we squared our main yard and damp channels Did we we'll rant and we roar Like true muckish sailors We'll rant and we'll roar All on the salt seas

Until we strike soundings in the channel of old Macbeth From Great Flop to Dracemith It's 35 Leeds Alright Here we go, Nestle. You can do this. Oh, my. You have a beautiful. We all help.

Don't worry about your dead friends. Focus on the lake. Orange barred. Are you inspired? Yeah. It's an ad to 17. 1D6. I'm going to try. I'm going to hope here for the best.

We've got a three. That's not bad. 20. A dirty 20. Dirty 20. I feel inspired. Oh, my friends, my friend, don't ask me what your sacrifice will

for, oh, you may not sing anymore, but this raccoon is pretty fucking good at thing and sea shanty, so let's fucking do it because the frog suggested it. I mean, also, yeah, those were some pretty nice, the wardy ladies. There was a lot of wards of all varieties, type one and type two. Oh, yeah. Okay. Jesus Christ. Shut it down!

Shut it down! I vote we kill nasty. Is it too late to just kill him? We can just drown him. Oh, that means. There is... We'll throw him overboard. Booker, can you take him down like deep ones?

When you're older, probably. When you're a little older. Okay. Okay, I can wait. I think canonically as old as I am. Anyway, it doesn't matter. There we go. He somehow miraculously spurned,

perhaps thinking of his dead friends and them dying at the barricade or rather, I guess it looked more like a barricade, but it was the wreckage of a shoddily crafted, a shodily crafted theater. And before the Wood Wizard was chased out of town, he himself, attempting to make refuge, perhaps, at Reconoiter Ridge, where there were no rivers to,

no rivers or for these frogs to chase him in. and hoping for winter where he can debog into his heart's delight. Nestor is able to get it together and with some direction from Grumley and with some help from his first mate. You get the sense that Nestor is miraculously able to get this thing under control. Anything less than a 20 would not have one. Oh, boy. You're doing it, Nestor.

You're believing in yourself. I'm really doing it. I think that I'm good at. Now we're no longer going. a circle. Now we're going back to Ward Wallow. I'm coming, Wardy Lady. No, no, it's the wrong way. The song said we're going to a mucket.

Give me a little kithy kid. Now, we're going to a muck bed. It's right in the song. Oh, oh, we're going this way. Until we struck Sandings. Yes, in the channel of old mucket. It's right in the song. I wasn't listening to the lyrics. That's where you get inspired from.

I was just thinking about my dead ghost friend. Well, maybe he'll visit you soon. Yeah, I mean, those are visiting me right now. There's like a couple right behind you. You hear a voice from one of the perverts down below. Hey, did somebody say sounding? Gross.

That's it. I'm loaded the ship. You're skinnering, back, splashing as the mortal. Can you explain sounding to me? Nope, nope, when you older, go outly, when you older? Not today. Guy, okay, okay, final turn. Okay, change heading. Change heading. Let's head back to Mugbed.

It was really strange that there was a whole lot otters in Wartwallow, although there's plenty of otters in Wartwallow normally, but usually they're in Mugbed, and why were they all coming from? Why would they all kind of whispering about this strange fish guy that's around? You know about him too? There's a lot of talk of whispers. Oh, yeah, whispers is Knight here. That he was responsible for the great cyclone. That's what people are saying. The waterspout?

That's your superstition, right? Could be. Well... But it might also not be. There were some tales. Superstitions come from somewhere. Were some tales said in the kitchen that I worked at when I was

out on my luck. The greasiest fry cooks that told tales that were perhaps very robust semen. You know, I just, I just, I just can't not hear it. I'm gonna be honest with you guys.

I can't not do it. You hear what? Yeah? Thick, strong and potent virile semen. Yeah? Did those semen were they proficient at using the compass? They loved. They were so good at reading every compass

that came around. God, you know, that's a throwback that nobody knows about. You're talking about it makes it even funny. The thick, virile, strong, potent semen? Wow, that's really a mouthful. mastery of compass. Nobody else hears this, just me? Just me. All right, okay.

Here what? It is a bit of a mouthful, but... We can go over nautical terms. Perhaps in Macbeth Creek, you could buy a book about compis and sounding. But they would tell tale... Plenty of time for that grumbling. They tell tale that many, many eon to go when even... Before the Erie, when it was just the ancient lost deer that ruled the world.

woodland, that there was a species of deer, a village right where Wartwellow stood. Yeah, but that's a myth too, right? Well, it's a story that can be believed. They can be. Maybe they can't. But they said that there was something that came up from the lake. They were people, but fish. Why?

The idea of a fish person, that's crazy. Are you kidding me? Wow. And they tried to trade, but instead they butcher them all. and had a great fish roast. Oh, my. With French fries. And old Long John Silver did it himself.

It smells like... Smells like Luminati worked to me. But they didn't have any malt vinegar? None. That's the real horror. Oh, no. And it was said that the dying breath of the fishermen, their ancient god night here would arise

in centuries in millennia to strike revenge on the city that foddered them. And that was 999 years ago. This very day. What? Also, there's like a kid who drowned and became like some guy with a hockey matth and kill people out of it. Wow.

What are the chances? Hank, do you think we're going to make it to Muckbad tonight? Are you talking? Are you talking? Are we going to have to be on the lake overnight? The night here he's going to come after him. That whole Hank thing was like a million. days ago.

No, we gotta go back to the thing that he said about that kid. Are you talking about Jason Voorhut, that owl kid that died? Oh. I thought it was Jason Borges. Oh, no.

I'm pretty, no, I'm pretty short with the owl kid that died. Oh, Vorhut? Yeah. Yeah, they gotta keep the owl the way from the water. They're always in backtubs and showers and shit. Yeah, a boar could handle the water

no problem. You've never seen an owl swim, that's for sure. Well, this one definitely didn't. That sounds really eerie. Yeah, it's awful. and then like, he's the one that terrorized at camp, and then his mom did it the next year too or something like that.

It was very unclear. His mom's all fucked up and stuff. I think he got launched into space or something after taking New York City. Newport City. Oh, not new pork. I thought that place was called Hamsterdam. I thought that place was called Hamsterdam.

Well, that's another place. He said all visit Hamsterdam. Oh my gosh, yeah, because he paired up with that pigeon that died too, Freddie Cougar, right? Why they changed that I can't. I guess they just liked it better that way. Okay. Anyway, we're just telling...

We're just telling spooky stories, okay? Surely nothing bad will happen. Wait, bitchy, if we don't make it across the lake until morning, does that mean we're gonna die? Why would we die? People, people, they go on voyages overnight all the time. Yeah, we were overnight on that barge thing. We didn't die. I mean, unless, of course, the...

A massive nightmare that we had to fight. The night here shows up, and that would be bad. But maybe we'll get its arm and we'll be able to sell its arm. And people will heat it and they'll turn into more of its own arm. But we've never sailed on the waters of the day here before at night. Oh. True. But what are you going to do?

We're not night here. Wait, day here, night here. Night here's the night here. It's hard to keep it straight. NYT, apostrophe, H-E-R-E. Why didn't they call it the night-st-H-I-R? Why didn't they call it the night-st day? Night's day?

Good question. I'm not very well versed in this cult's history. I don't know. I always love fate night's day as a kid. Oh, really? What's that about? I don't know, King Arthur is a chick or something. She's pretty hot.

Okay, Nest has really gone off the deep end now. So, what's the plan here? I mean, sure, we got drunk old. perverted Nesta man in the ship, so we're not going to run aground, but the perverts are in a tizzy over sound in and compasses. So what's the plan? We're going to just ignore the perverts. Nestor's taking itself. How are we supposed to ignore the perverts? Can you... Every time... Every time I... Every time I try and talk, it's that slapping sound.

I don't know what you mean. Sometimes it's that squelching noise. What does that sound like? Oh. Kind of like somebody's stirring a pot of mac and cheese. Yeah, exactly. Are they cooking down there? Thank you. All earphone listeners. Thank you. It's like a hamster trying to escape a bowl with go-gurt.

Oh, it just feels like white noise at this point. Yeah, you had to get used to it. You know, your nose blind, you stop hearing things, and now it all just... Oh my God, it still sounds like a little rat. It just smells like Pennsylvania. Ranking will roll. Ranking will roll. I said,

Rattan will roll. Oh, wait. Wait, let's have. It's a good thing because I forgot about my drum. I love my drum at home.

Two. Oh, no. The drum stop. The drum stop. Oh, that's it? Leeds. That was really, really good. Okay?

That was really good. Thank you. You're like her. I mean, gosh, I really hope that he can get in the park, part of that big picture in the Hollywood if it was that fast. Just keep us going straight. We need to get to Muck Bay. Yeah, but what are we going to do once we get?

Well, we're just getting out of danger. We don't have a plan. Who knows everybody? Well, I know everybody in Mugman. You know everybody in Mugman? He's from the truth. But the problem is that everything went to hell in the last crossing. We needed to get the hell out of that.

And that's my point. Has anyone thought about what happens if someone from the pre- previous crossing talks about what we got up to in click clock. Not much we can do about that. Not at all worried about all of that at all. What would they say? Well, I don't know. Lots of people die.

And what use is worrying about it? We'll deal with it when it comes. It's not our fault those people died. It's Nestor's fault. Well, and kind of the wood wizard. And like, there's a lot of people that play in the hurricane, the woodland Alliance, the pervert who ran the mansion. I mean, there's a lot of people at fault that are not us.

No, it's not Nestor's fault. It was a terrible stage accident. Oh, no. He was supposed to inspect the stage. It was his responsibility. He was a safety inspector? He was the safety inspector. And when he's all this fault, did all those people die?

All those people couldn't have it. Oh, my friend, my friend. Don't have. This was like the intro scene to cruise ship or whatever. Ghost ship. I mean, without Nestor, they wouldn't, you know what they're calling it now. Decapitation Day.

I'll never forget the sound. Dund-da-da-da-da. Oh boy, that was a massacre. What an absurdly violent scene that happened off screen. I'm going for it, Zion. I'm so glad I wasn't the one at fault for it. I don't think my conscience could ever.

Oh, no. There'd be no forgiving yourself. It would just be nothing but the bottom of a bottle after the bottom of a bottle. Not even a lifetime of therapy can help with something like that. No. Yeah, no, it is going to be a short,

it'll be a short time until I, my friend again. Because he's a ghost, he's going to visit you at night. And the sad part about that is they're not going to want to see you. You're right. I should just feed myself to the minions of night here right now and here and not this night. Can you get us to muck bed first and then do what you got to do, brother? Yeah, I'm not your mom.

I'm going to... I can't do it. I'm just going to walk off this ship right now. I mean, maybe, maybe not. I would suggest that you don't do that. I'm not, I'm only slightly suggested. I'm not fully suggesting. I'm feeling tired.

But I think you might not want to do that. Oh, fine, I'll help if it'll redeem me. It won't. Oh, no, it won't. I just think, I just think you're weak-willed enough that you would listen to me. Yeah, we've never been more sure than anything. You're not getting redeemed.

No, no, no, no. Don't listen at them. No, no, you should listen to it. Just because you are directly responsible for the deaths of dozens. Hundreds. If not hundreds of innocent men, women, and children. When Jean died, that wasn't you.

That was that psycho hummingbird with a shotgun. And we didn't even get revenge on the hummingbird. Oh, yeah, he's still out there somewhere. Oh, he watched us all dying. He watched us get all decapitated, cut in half, and he actually smiled and then he came in with a shotgun. How many but's even smiled?

Do they have lips? Oh, he smiled. Did he have strangely human teeth? No, it's like weird bobbocets thing going on. What were you saying, mousy, mouty, mousy. Do you need a hug? Oh, yeah, that'd be nice. I know you're feeling bad.

I figured I'd just give you a little hug. Yeah, those guys downstairs kept trying to give me hugs too. I just a regular hug. I'm going to reach up and I'm going to wrap my arms around Nestor's waist and give him a comforting hug. And as I pull away, you've realized that I've tied you to the, I pull away and I tie a knot around your Nestor's waist and then I tie him to something sturdy nearby

to make sure that he can't jump off of the boat. What? A handsome belt. Oh, yeah. You fell for the old ruse. Wait, this rope. The hugging rope. I mean, maybe a little higher? No, no, just keep it right there.

All right. Jeez, geez. I'm going to keep my eye on you. Tone it down, Nesta. Come on. I mean, you're making everybody depressed here. Good Lord. Please just get it together.

Get a stomach bed. Please, please, please, please. Can you go any faster? I don't think that's how that works. I'm not, ah, boy. Do you think if I toss some grease into the water, the ship would go faster through it? I think the peppers have done enough of that already.

Gross. We're leaving like a rainbowy trail. There's a 50-gallon barrel of loom just bouncing in a lot. We had to toss that up, before we had to lighten out, you know? It's too heavy. It's crazy, but it's half empty. Who needs that much load? That thing was full of Woodwizard loaded in. Crazy.

It's been only like a few hours, too, which is wild. Who keeps making these fucking 55-gallon? drums a lube and leaving them everywhere. They're all over the fucking dim ones. Somebody's making a lot of money. That's all I can say. We have to find the lube wizard. No, the lube wizard.

I think it's the leader of that Amazon company, Jeffrey Bezos, that weird bumblebee guy. Yeah, he is weird, isn't he? Yeah, he loves lube. His smile never touches his eyes. No. Some people think he's a lizard in a bee costume, but I'm not sure.

What in the hell does that mean? What is that? This smile never touch. touches his eyes? You know, if someone has joy in their heart and they smile at you and they're like smiling, and they're like, eh, but then there's that one person they're like,

ah, oh, that's right, look at her. Oh, it's like Peggy's clown. You don't want that. That person, they're dead and so- Why are you so good at that? I don't know, I got tricks, I guess. Can we see it again? So we know, oh!

Oh, that is horrifying. Oh, gosh. Yeah, it's one of the ways you can easily tell a psychopath from a psychopath somebody else. From a normal person? Yeah. Or from anybody?

Basically anyone, I think. If only we had had at least three more children to be our laborers. I don't know if that would have solved the problems, Nestor. The whole thing was coming down regardless. If only we had three more children to be our laborers. I think that just would have been three more debts. Didn't a wood wizard design a stage to be operated by like 50 children? That's what I was under the impression.

Well, you couldn't find any more. And we had one. Look, and all I can tell you is that even though I was aware of the numbers, I certainly wasn't in charge of making sure that everything was safe, so I can't really speak to it. All I can say is that we were woefully understaffed. If we had two dozen children, we still wouldn't even be at half of what we needed. That's true.

That math checks out. Wow. And two dozen more children would have died. That's right. There just wasn't time. Oh. That's true. Time for what?

There was no time. There was no time. Okay. There were a lot of children in the aisle. Oh, which are over there? I don't know if it's right over there. It's going to be two days away. You're making progress.

Well, you know, what it'll take? It'll take you probably through the night. Oh, shit. Well, I think that we should talk about what we want to get done once we'll get there. We have to spend almost a full night with this guy, so we might as well do something productive in the meantime. Productive. Yeah.

What does that mean? We- We- We- We need, like, use your time in a valuable way. Why? You mean why, so we don't do what we just did and click-clop cross it? Oh, it's inevitable.

Let's be realistic. Wherever we go, nothing but death and chaos and destruction follow. Are we cursed? No. No, just because I'm here. This is all... You're taking credit for all of that. Wait.

What if bitchy's right? It's his right. And Peggy did create the universe two or three Thursdays ago. All right. And every Thursday that passes, the world enters a new cycle of chaos, a new age. That sounds about right. And every age of chaos becomes more and more chaotic. It's like when we were born two or three Thursdays ago, we were like at the center of that spinning stage.

But every rotation, we start getting faster and faster and faster and faster to a little. We're gonna fly off the edge of existence. We really made a lot of sense. And to be fair, in all of that time, people are doing more and more terrible things and the heretics must pay. Wait, are we the heretics that need to pay? No, no, you are my valiant warriors of death.

Oh, my God. So we're cool. Oh, yeah, for now. Um, um, well, I mean, I, carrying the burden, the only person with magic is really, it's heavy lies the crown. Oh, that is easy. very productive. We're protecting your life, the creator of magic. Yeah. Oh! It's a very

honorable goal that I have. It is. And you honestly, I mean look at you all decked out and all that armor. You're clearly my head knight. Oh, head knight. What, what would they call that? Ah, hedge knight, I think. No, you're not covered in leaves. You're covered in metal and stuff. Metal night? Oh. Well, I mean everybody's covered in metal from a certain point of view. What? What? Huh? Look at your belt buckle has some metal. I'm not covered in a belt buckle, it's just a belt buckle. Your hat might have a shiny coin that's

metal. What about me? I don't have any metal. I don't know. Is metal really my thing? Maybe it is. It's up to you guys. I mean, you're literally bedecked in it. I mean... From head to toe. That's what knights do, I guess. Head knight? You can call me whatever you want. You created the universe. apparently. Well yeah, I'm asking for help coming up with a name for the lead knight. Um, my army of my battalion. Hmm. What about like,

Lord Commander? Oh, I like that sounds really good. Isn't that really? That makes me sound super important. That's right. Lord Commander grubby has a ring to it. That's right. And then you know what, honestly, we should really just flesh out my entire court. We need something for Booker to do. I'm thinking my right, like my vizier. Oh. Right? As long as I'm not the vice roy and I don't get, you know, like we do that other vice.

No, no, I don't like that. I don't like that word. Vizier. That sounds fancy. I knew where Roy once. He was a piece of shit. Can I be a vizier? Is that something I'm capable of?

You know, I kind of just like walk around and tell stories and place and songs. Oh, yeah. You could have a really cool staff that doesn't do anything, but you must smack people with it. Oh, I've hit people with my banjo. That's kind of like a staff. Sure. We'll just use that instead. All right.

He's really good with money. Yeah. I'm all right with money. And my vizier would be really important with my money. I like money. I like to spend money. I like to hoard money. Do you like to tell people what to do?

I do like to tell people what to do. Then you're perfect. Your job is to have a lot of opinions and share them overly. I love that. That sounds wonderful. I think I was made to be a vizier. I think so, too. What do you think Bitsy could do in our court?

Often, vizier. What's a vizier? Oh, I don't... I'm not sure, to be honest with you. I saw it in a major image once. There was an evil vizier that... Oh, is that a magic thing? Yeah, well, like, so he kind of...

He rubbed a magic lamp, and then he caused all this trouble, and then, you know, he wanted to marry the princess, but he couldn't, and then he made it... There was a gin in it, and he decided he wanted to become a gin and a magic lamp, and then, oh, unlimited cosmic power. I don't want to be evil, though. No, no, you don't have to do that. He just happened to be...

Does he have to rub a lamp, though? In that major image, he had one of those villainous moustaches. But you don't have, so you're fine. No, no, it's never really been my thing, no. But if you had a rubber lamp, the mansion had a bunch of those weird limbs with, like, the weird... Oh, yeah, no, I wasn't going to touch those. There's no way. They were, like, moist and sticky as...

Vizier? I got, I got a couple of bizerial diseases. Um, I don't... That's what my doc said, at least. I'm not sure that's the same thing. I don't, I don't... He's my duck tour. That was pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah, thank. You eat the duck. So what do we think Bitsy could do then? You're not right. We've got a Lord Commander, we've got a vizier, and then we've got... A court jester. Oh my gosh, you would be so perfect.

I want to be the high priestess, spreading the good word of Peggy. The church is a great all-creator, the alma mother. So what are we going to call our... You know what, honestly, this is a really... Because we're going to a place, we could potentially need to convince people of our status and stuff. This is a really good ruse. I think it's sure we don't have a castle or an army or lands.

We don't? You know, no, no, I think about it. The track record of being one who holds power in this land. He's not very great, so I don't know if we should go around acting like we are royalty or nobility of any kind of, frankly. You know what, you're right. You're right.

We could be humble peasants. desperate for coin, for a mere pittance of copper, or perhaps brass. So you want to tell the truth? Yeah, for what it's worth, we are kind of out of money, and all we do is travel around. Yeah, we're kind of just... That's not nearly as much fun as thinking about being the Lord and Lady of the Castle. That's true. Yeah.

You know, I was really excited to have Bidtia's a gesture too, because, you know, it was a really great trope about, like, how the gesture will say some really quick-thead stuff, and it ends up coming true, and then you think, oh, my God, maybe the gesture's actually really brilliant. You know what? Underneath of all of the tomfoolery. I don't want to be a chester. You're so right about that, Booker, and I know that we're not going to do this ruse.

But Bitsy, do you think you could do a jester thing for us? I don't want to be a jester. You know, Bitsy, dance. I don't want to dance. Dance, monkey, dance. I don't want to. I thought gestures were supposed to be funny. Bidsey is funny.

You see what she ate? Remember when she ate those nails? That was funny. Remember that time? That was intimidating. Tell me a joke. Remember that time she tried to tell us the lemon juice didn't come from lemons? That was hilarious.

That was funny. And she sucked it a bit the whole time. She's never broke. That's an actual belief. She's very vigilant in what she believes. She doesn't actually believe that. She's not funny at all. What are you talking about?

In a diagetic way, she's... Her humor is purely non-diogenic. I mean, it was really funny when she went absolutely ham on that opossum and messed him up real good and we thought she killed him. That was funny. I thought she may have murdered a child. I wasn't laughing. I'm gonna go downstairs and make sure the portholes are plugged up.

I'm walked downstairs. Oh, please. I pray. You think she's upset? You're trying to make her a fool. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Occupine. Occupied.

You do that as Nestor is, he's flailing around. He's not sobering up, but somehow you are staying right on track, on course. Well, it looks like Bitsy's taking care of what's ever going on downstairs. So I guess we need to be productive. Yeah. I mean, we're not going to spin a yawn about being royalty. We're going to tell the truth, which isn't half as fun. What else can we do to fill up our time?

I don't think we... Why don't we just let the... The wind blow and take us where it be. We all vagabombs, after all. Rumley's right. I'm very happy to be traveling again. Going back home. We're going to see some stuff.

We're going to go some places. And I don't want to stay in the same place too long, you know? Oh. And we don't put down roots. Booker can take us to all of his favorite restaurants and balls from his adolescence. There's some good places, you know? And then when we awkwardly run into his ex-girlfriend, we can all try to pretend like he's the one that's doing better.

And we can really play it up like he's really cool, even though she very clearly moved on very easily. Well, it's unclear who broke up with her. That's realistic. Fellas, I hate to break it to you, but we don't have any money to go to bars or restaurants or nightclubs. Never stopped us before. We'll do some odd jobs.

We'll play some pigs. We'll tell some stories Or maybe we'll rob some people. Who knows? But if this is your home land, don't they know all your tricks? Not really. I mean, you know, I was a different person back then.

It was, you know, before I set out and became a man. Arthur, one, I'm very excited. Oh, me too. I can't wait to go. It's a nice little clearing. It's going to take us like 24 hours to get there. Oh, yeah. It didn't close, though. Not 24 hours, like six or eight.

I've heard they love clams. You can think a whole 24 hours to get there. Sorry, what were you saying? I just heard that they like clams in muck bed. That's right. That's the saying of the otters, where there's muck, there's clams. So what are we going to do until we get there? We're not going to make a plan.

We're going to tell the truth. Yep. We're just going to sit on this boat and stare at Nesta. What is she doing down there? You know what, I'm going to go check on? I'll be right back. Okay. Well, you know, this is nice.

We've got the wind in our hair. Yeah, just us three guys. Just us three boys, three guys. Just a fresh. That's great, Nesta. It's really a miracle that we're headed in the right direction. And let's focus on the ship, and you don't have to talk while you're doing that. Just the three of us boys.

Yeah, well. Boys time right now. It's really more like us two guys. You're doing the captain thing. You know what they say. You've got it all under control. Oh, come and knock on our door. Uh-oh.

Oh, no, we say. This is not the sea shanty. This is some. Three's company. Three, four, the crowd. You know, Ness has got a pretty nice one. Good thing all them, all them, it's like the tree house. It's like, all them girls are gone.

It's just those boys now. This is, boosh-tonged. time this is awkward we can't get rid of it we're not really feeling it I'm not feeling oh oh come and knock on you'll be waiting for you it's him and he's and his and his three company the boy oh yeah oh this is great I'm going to kill myself Oh We sing the three

For like 20 minutes Eight hours Eight hours Eight hours straight You make your way Across the enormous lake And you see Some of the great barges

Of the river folk company Making its way north Bringing not just Supplies or passengers But also You see that there seem to be Mercenaries Transport ships

being brought to, perhaps hired by the Marquisat to keep order in Warwick. As they seem to pay you no mind, as you get closer and closer to Muckbend Creek, you see the enormous towers built into the trees of this clearing. clearing looming high above the buildings on the forest floor in the marshes of Muckbed Creek. And you see that there's a great number of, especially the closer you get at the sun

is, it's been night now, but the moon is high and it's casting a bright light. And you see the patrols of these birds working for the area in their shades of blue heraldry. As you get closer and closer, and you see the various fishing ships. And even Even at night, you see that as it gets closer to the, you get closer and closer, you see along the bank, there are dozens of trawling ships digging into the, dragging along the seabed or the lake bed and digging up clams and mussels and all the various foods that this clearing is known for. But no matter how late it gets, you see the bright lights of Muckbed Creek that there seems to be a bit of a bright night light. and there seems to be a bit of a vivacious atmosphere.

When you arrive approaching midnight, as you make your way through, and as you, as Nestor takes you all in, you manage to actually, you struggle to Doc, but you actually manage to figure it out. As the SS, as the SS, to begone today. Well done.

That's good. Experiences some hold damage. Certainly. Yeah, not good. As you come to a halt and you see that the port authority here is intense. There's a handful of towers where there are birds all scanning, birds of all types.

You see several, there are a great number of of herons and egrits and marsh birds, as well as songbirds, and as well as birds of prey that are in this place. And eventually, as you're landing, as you're trying to get the canvas down and trying to do the best that you can to dock, you hear the heavy footsteps of eerie soldiers.

And you see that most of these are most of these are foxes but there's a handful of other creatures and the lead is an osprey with a loaded crossbow as he calls out

an unregistered ship here in Macbed Creek do we have permission to board I mean yeah of course you can come right aboard you're not going to like what you find below deck that's for sure Yeah, just watch you. Make sure you're wearing shoes. That would be fine.

As this Osprey looks and nods at his soldiers, as they immediately go below deck and start searching your cargo, as the Osprey takes a few steps towards Nestor and looks at him. And Nestor is kind of just like swaying back and forth. Hey, I'm a sea captain. I'm a good seaman. I'm a freshwater seaman. No fault here in the demon. Just fresh. I'm fresh. Oh, hey. As the Osprey kind of leans down

and narrows his eyes and he reaches down into his his coat and pulls out a what looks like a poster. Sees them. And immediately the soldiers draw their weapons. She's who! We can see somebody! You are hovering the leader of the Woodland Alliance.

A high-ranking leader of the Woodland Alliance, you are shepherding, you are shepherding revolutionaries, violent reactionaries into Muckbent Creek. Hold on a second, I'm gonna be very clear with you here. We're not harboring anybody. You can have it. Well, I mean, you can have him. Yeah, what he said, we were on his ship, not the other way around. If he's done something wrong, go ahead and take him. He put us on this point in knife point. As far as I, I, I had no choice. Oh my god you saved us! Oh, I saved you! And I throw myself at his feet. Make a deception check. As he shows you the poster, and it seems to be a missive that the Woodland Alliance is set that says, hey...

Part of inspiration. Hey, Erie, you better watch out. We're going to commit acts of terrorism. This is the new Boston town. And there's a picture of Nestor. No. I got a 16. A 16. Oh, please you saved us. You've saved us from the horrible nester, please. He looks at you, and he says, Why should I believe that you're not sympathizers with the rebellion? Do I look sympathetic to you? We'll need to take you in for questioning. You may be innocent, but you would not want to try to prevent the legal judicious process,

well, we will give you due process here. We're not the tyrants and the savages. like the Marquis-Arque where you've come from. Wonderful. We have to trust the legal system. Um, well, Nestor's not really a leader of anything. You'd be happy to know that the Woodland Alliance mostly died in a terrible rotating stage accident. I don't think you have to worry about them for a long time.

So it'd be totally fine if you just, you know, let him go. Because, you know, he's not really anybody anymore. I mean, look at him. Smell him. as the guards now have surrounded you, and you see that there's actually probably about a dozen more that have come from the dock, as they raise their weapons, as immediately three guards all grabbed Nessor. Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, wait a minute. Hey, I thought this was the dim woman. I thought this was the fucking dim wood. What are you doing? Good hand me, I'm a rebel, I'm a rebel. Shh. Stop! Look at the trap!

Give him enough rope, he's gonna do what he wants to do anyway. Come on. Goodbye. Come this way and as the guards then look at you as the Osprey looks at you and says, then he'll follow me to the jail for questioning and processing. Do we really have a choice? I mean, no.

You're not giving you. as much of a choice here. We'll prove that we're innocent. It'll be fine. Save it for the judge. Well, you're not arresting us. We haven't done anything wrong. You've been detained.

Uh-oh. For what? For transporting a violent reactionary to our city. But, sir, he was transporting us. You didn't see any of us driving this ship. He was tied to the helm. Peggy, we should do what they say. Oh, no. We're more than happy to come with.

you and answer your questions, but on what charges, sir? On what legal ground? On being associated with a violent reactionary. And you were too, you were on this boat. You were just talking to him, you're just associated with him. What about that? I arrested him. Yeah, we arrested it first.

Didn't you see it was tied to that, to that helm? So we get the prize money, right? There's prize money? I don't know, there might be. While Pecky's keeping him distracted, I am going to kind of start to like flank around the side of him. I'm looking at Grumly, like I got an idea,

like it's okay. And in a moment, as soon as I think that Peggy has his full attention, I lunge at him, screaming, say good night, you piece of shit! And I try to snap his neck, but I just turn his head in the left very quickly. Oh no, I thought that was gonna work.

That only works and plays, Arresta! The action plays, boy, now you're going to under arrest by by the authority of the Erring Tides State. All right, all right, all right. God damn it, Booker. I thought it would work.

I just give up. Hey, this one looks familiar, okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy. You were clapped in irons as you are brought through the port, across the dots, through the clearing, as you are all being arrested. As you hear nuts are dealing,

hey, on what charge? On what charges? For just being a succulent meal? For being a succulent Chinese baking duck meal? What charges? Oh, God. Wait, isn't Fidsey below deck?

So is she not being arrested? No, I'm here. Yeah, I'm here. I would lean in and just sort of be like, there might be pervert still in the boat. I wouldn't arrest him, though, that I think they'd enjoy it. You see as Pitsy goes willing,

As the guards start carrying you off as the Osprey kind of looks at the remaining soldiers. And they all draw their weapons, they go down below deck very carefully, and you do not know what happens. That's a massacre. You just see them disappear into the shadows, and all of a sudden you hear. As you are thrown into a cell. I would say Booker, you are familiar with this jail. You may have run into it. This is not the prison in the Erie prison in this place,

but you've perhaps spent a night in the jail. The drunk tank, to sober up. This is not necessarily the heavy duty. Nestor is separated from you and is brought very clearly towards the direction of the prison. Can we say that he gets put in one of those Hannibal Lecter things? Yes. Yeah, he's in a mask.

Yeah. They absolutely tied down. And Senator love the suit. As, as you all are thrown into the prison and the bars close behind you as a fox looks at you and just shakes his head and kind of spits on the ground spits on the ground and says, Rebel scum, as he turns away.

And you are left alone in this jail cell. Are we handcuffed or are we all free in them? You are in manacles, but you can move a little bit. Well, I really thought that was going to work. I'm sorry, guys. I severely underestimated my own strength. You got to pull under the chin up. It's up.

You'll have to show me, because clearly, I don't know what I'm doing. Well, there's no one else here. I can't kill any of you. Well, I mean, not right now. I meant someday you'll have to show me. I really bungled that one, guys. I'm sorry.

Why was your first course of action murdering the guy? I didn't think. I don't know. I just, I panicked. But didn't you think the gods were going to do. They had crossbows. I thought they would be so stunned I'd be able to get the next one. And then they'd be stunned, then I'd be able to get the next one.

And I figured by then, Bidsey surely was going to jump in. She's crazy. I would have helped. And usually that is how it works. You break one neck and everyone goes, oh my God. And then the next one, ah! And then it's... See, I had something right.

My plan was foolproof. I just cursed these noodle arms. We'll work on it. Your strength is in your voice, Booker. Thank you for that. Now what? Well, we'll explain this situation and I'm sure that they'll treat us very fairly. What if I tried to say I was just trying to give him a hug?

He said we're going to have to go in front of the judge. Just a misunderstanding. Do you... I liked her before you tried to break the guy's neck. Well, I could always plead that that wasn't my plan. Booker. I mean, no one would... If anyone saw that, they never think that's what I was trying to do.

Well, you did tell him to say goodnight. That came out of my mouth? Yes. Yeah, and it echoed. If we weren't in trouble before, we're going to be in trouble. No. Yeah, because even if they can't get us on the rebel stuff, they can get us on attempted murder and... Well, look at you on attempted murder.

That's fine. Leave me behind. The rest of us might be able to get out of us. I'll take the fall for you guys. I think we're going to get accessory to murder because we're with them. Oh, boy. So here's the thing. And I hate to put this pressure on your books.

Okay. I hit me. I think you're going to need to be a lawyer. What? I can't do it You saw what happened when I tried to talk to that guy I started to get crazy And the next thing you know

I'm laying the whole place on fire So I can't do it We obviously can't let Grumley do it Because he's just too nice He wants everyone We wants everyone to be happy and smiles and rainbows And that's just not how this works And then Bitsy

So we're gonna need you to handle this No no no we're not gonna do No of course we do Everybody knows it's the most stupid thing you could ever do Is representing yourself in a corner lot When you think they're going to give us a lawyer? Yes, but a writer to Dimwood, we are at least owed an attorney to handle our case.

That might be how it works where you come from, but how do we know that's how it works here? Book is that how that works here. A lot of horrible things about the Eerie. I had a couple mix-ups with the law, but I was never really given an attorney. It wasn't that serious. I spent a couple nights in the drunk tank here or there,

you know, like any good young man would do, and it just kind of happens. This is murder and potentially Aiden murder. I didn't kill anyone, actually. You tried to. This is attempted murder and maybe help him with the accessories to attempt

of murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so look. You hear the door screech open as you see another officer. This time it's a muskrat. As he steps forward and he says y'all are

being charged with murder conspiracy. Attempted murder. Attempted. Oh. Attempted murder. Allegedly. Conspiracy. Harboring terrorism.

We weren't harboring any. Harboring a wanted person. We weren't harboring. Theft of the toboggan. Is the door of the catarrow? There's a hallway. There's a hallway. We're behind bars.

You're behind bars and then there's a hallway. As a. It's the same jail scene as in the math. I was going to. Assault. I was going to step out from behind me and be like, say goodnight. You'd be like, say goodnight.

But I'm behind the bars. I'm behind the bars. You are here. You will be stand in trial before the judge after questioning. And because we are

a forward-thinking people in the Erie, you will be provided with a lawyer. Oh, thank God. Oh, she told you. I totally need to have. The best defense lawyer we have. Why are you laughing?

You'll be fine. And he's good. He's an old rooster fella by the name of Jean-Claude Chanticleer. And that's Ruan on the sash up. Yeah. Well done, Mike. Thank you. I wonder who's gonna play Jean-Claude.

Chanticleer. I guess we'll say it. There's no way to know. There's no way to know. It's literally impossible. It's almost impossible. It's almost impossible. Literally impossible to know who it could be.

Who is that going? So stay tuned next week when Kelsey will be joining us. I think she would do a wonderful job. It would be the funniest thing I've ever seen. Thank you so much for listening to the Legends of Adventures podcast. We hope you enjoyed the session. If you want even more campaigns to listen to, become a member of our Patreon at the Pearl Dolphin Tier higher to unlock Shroud over Saltmarsh, a patron exclusive campaign set on the high seas. You can find that at patreon.com slash Legends of Avengers.

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